#my whole plan was always to catch up for the final eps

[yooglefics]

The casual type: 04 . The plans change

Pairing: Min Yoongi x fem!reader Wordcount: 4,832 words Genre ( for the whole series ): AU. College!verse. Strangers to friends with benefits to ???. Eventual smut. Hurt / comfort at times. Fluff for cute friends. Summary:  ( Series ) • Hobi and his girlfriend set you up with a friend of hers to help with whatever happened months back. However, no one really expected things to end the way they did. ( Ep. 04 ) • The night wasn't supposed to go like this, but there's nothing to complain about. Well, maybe a little. Warnings under read more.

Warnings ( for this ep ): The squad being annoying ( I <3 them ). Pet names ( princess , baby , doll ). Flirting. Making out. Grinding. Fingering. ( wash your hands, folks ). Yoongi's hands should be a warning. 1,1714 words of just smut and I literally don’t know how that happened lol. Author's note: The plans for this chapter also changed a lot because I only had like three notes for it lmao. Nevertheless, I'm excited to share it with all of you, thank you for sticking around and I hope you like this ep. Remember to leave a comment, send an ask, with your thoughts and also maybe reblog, and what not. As always, thank you for reading! <3

“No, the thing is, she doesn't want to share space. That's why,” Jimin accuses you from his position on the couch. Not being good at sharing himself since his whole body is on it.

“That's not true! I just don't want to be around sweaty boys.” 

“As if you don't sweat,” Jungkook argues.

“I don't.”

“She doesn't, she is a princess,” Is Yoongi's turn to pick on you. He called you that before at the club but this time surprises you since is in front of your friends and your relationship with each other has changed. And actually, you're supposed to be keeping that a secret from them.

“I love how she didn't argue that one,” says Jimin, chuckling.

“Because I am, duh.” You do an exaggerated flip of your ponytail while turning around, carrying another box of kitchenware to put away.

The guys finally decided to rent a house all together, and to make up for the fact that you refused to leave your dorm and follow them, you offered to help organize and decorate because, at the end of everything, you'd probably be spending a lot of time here. 

“You should have moved in with us,” You hear Hobi tell Yoongi after bringing more boxes inside the house. “Did you find a place?” 

“Yes, one of my classmates and his roommates were looking for someone. Is not too far away from here, actually.”

“That's cool. You guys can come over whenever.”

“You should come to the party tonight!” Taehyung says excitedly.

“Tonight?!” You walk out of the kitchen, a couple of glasses in your hands. “You're not even done downloading the truck. Jimin is not even moving!”

“I withdraw my offer for you to move in with us,” says your friend. “She is more like an evil step-sister,” he murmurs to Yoongi and he laughs along with everyone else.

“I hate you all.” 

Storming back into the kitchen, you decide to focus on putting everything away. Not a single thing that can be broken in sight of future drunk guests, that's why you are struggling to put mugs on cupboards you can barely reach.

“Do you need help, princess?” 

The nickname makes you almost drop Tae's last birthday present, and Yoongi is right there to catch you both. “Careful,” he says.

“Is your fault.”

“Did I scare you?” he chuckles, “Sorry.”

“You keep scaring me when you call me that,” you whisper.

“What? You don't like it?” Confused look on his face when he turns to you after putting the mug in place.

“I–why do you call me that?”

“Because sometimes you get kinda grumpy and you're cute, like a princess.”

It makes you smile, and it matches the one on his face.

“I'm going to ignore the fact that you called me grumpy,” you pretend to be upset about it, scrunching up your lips in fake dislike.

“Yeah, focus on the fact that you're cute.” you blush and he uses the excuse of grabbing another mug to get closer, making it so if you lean in a little you could steal a peck. 

But you still aren't sure about how the whole friends with benefits thing works. Nor confident enough to make a decision before Jungkook announces through the house: “the truck is empty, told you we could do it!”

And soon enough Yoongi is out of the room, helping move boxes here and there, and after everything that doesn't belong in the living room is out of it, he finally sits with you and Jimin on the sofa, you in the middle of the two.

“Are you really having a party today?” Yoongi asks.

“Of course! We have to baptize the place.”

“That sounds gross.” You say, noise scrunched.

“You're gross. That's not very princess-y of you,” says Jimin and Yoongi laughs.

“I feel gross, I'm going home to change. Do you want me to give you a ride to the dorms?”

“Yes, please!” 

You have thought about going alone, but after your failed kiss in the kitchen you wanted at least some time alone, and a car drive should be just enough. 

Or perhaps not. 

Because Yoongi drops you at your dorm and goes home to change, refusing to get close to you when he is all sweaty. 

You hit send with one hand and with the other make sure your door is open before sitting once again on the bed, grabbing your mirror and eyeliner to continue your routine.

“Hello?” He knocks a few times and you tell him to come in, all concentration on the task at hand. And that gives him time to look around a little, taking in your space. 

Is a large room, just looking a bit cramped thanks to the big pieces of furniture ( two beds, two dressers, and two desks ) but your method of putting everything against the walls definitely helps. That, and the fact that your roommate hasn't moved in yet. “Now I understand why you didn't want to move in with them. You have a room all for yourself?”

You laugh, “Their office was gonna be my room, actually. And no, this year I'm supposed to share it.”

“You didn't last year?”

“At the beginning I did. But then she paired with someone else.” You shrug, not sure about the details since you've only known her for a couple of weeks. “But it's not as cool as everyone thinks, sometimes it gets lonely, mostly on exam weeks when everyone is busy studying.”

“Well, you can invite me anytime.” He only partially jokes.

“Deal. But you've to bring snacks.” 

“Deal.”

Yoongi sits on your bed while waiting, scrolling on his phone and every now and then looking up to watch you apply the rest of your makeup, then perfume and pick a jacket, until you are standing in front of him with a smile as you announce you're ready. 

“That was faster than I thought,” he says, standing up. “Your eyes do look cute with the sparkle eyeshadow. Bogum was right.” 

“Oh, don't remember me that. I think that's the last time he is going to talk to me,” a sigh follows the exaggeration. 

“If he is really interested he is going to try again.”

“And if he is not?”

“Then he's not worth it.” The confidence in his voice is as contagious as his smile, and you match it.

For a second you wonder if it should be weird to talk about this with the guy you made out with just yesterday. If this is just normal encouragement because you are becoming friends or do all friends with benefits have this type of conversation?. Either way, you are glad to have someone to talk to about your little crush, and so, decide to not give it too much thought if Yoongi doesn't seem to do it either.

When he first asked you about it on Wednesday it was out of curiosity and you returned the phrase about the cat's tragic ending, receiving a “Well, I guess we are confidants now, kitten.”

You gave him a rundown of the situation and confessed about having a little bit of hope for his now teammate to invite you out again. He wished you the best and told you to let him know if something does happen because, according to him, Bo doesn't seem like the guy to be into sharing, and so, Yoongi doesn't want to be in the way.

“Maybe you should talk to him tonight. He is going, isn't he?”

“Uh, not sure. I asked Kook but I don't think he saw my text.” you turn to grab your phone and check.

But before you can open the app, Yoongi grabs your shoulders and guides you out the door, “Or we can just drive there and see.” 

You're surprised to see the motorcycle in the parking lot, thinking it had been just a thing of last week since you haven't seen him use it since then. You even wondered if it was his in the first place.

“What? Are you scared now?” He teases when you don't take the helmet he is holding in your direction. Just standing there without any movement. “You know I'm a good driver.”

“Yeah, I just… didn't expect it.”

He laughs at your genuine shock before explaining, “I always take it to parties because it's easier to find parking and get out of there whenever I want to.” 

“And I'm sure girls love it, too.”

“That's a plus,” He nods with a smirk, “but don't worry, baby, I’m not making you share tonight.”

“Shut up,” with your nose scrunched for good measure, you finally take the helmet from him. But instead of grabbing his own and getting ready, he gets closer to you, brushing your fingers with his when you're going to secure it and doing it for you instead.

“You tell me that a lot, you know.”

“You talk too much,” you defend, “it's your own fault.”

“Or… you just want to kiss me.”

Glad your smile is hidden by the helmet,  you push him a bit as you answer, "Actually, shut up.”

He laughs, and then goes on to put on and secure his helmet before claiming on the motorcycle and waiting for you. 

The shock about the vehicle wasn't only pure confusion, it was also the realization that your outfit was probably not the best choice. The fabric of your skirt was flowier than the one you used last time, and you aren't sure it would do well at a fast speed.

“Don't go too fast,” you ask him, hands on his shoulders to help you get on and sit behind him.

“I don't get that a lot,” he jokes, and you roll your eyes still fussing with your clothes. “You ready?” he waits for your signal before revving up the engine. 

He drives faster than last time. Or maybe you're just sober and more scared about it all. Your legs tighten on his sides, and your arms around his middle, all the while telling yourself is only to protect the wind from stealing your dignity. When he stops, you have to open your eyes to realize it is because of a red light and your body relaxes. 

Left hand leaves the throttle and goes to your tight, closer to your knee, the coldness of his fingers makes you jump and you feel him chuckle before caressing your skin. “You okay?” he asks loud enough to be heard through the street noises and your covered ears. You nod between his shoulder blades, even if your heart is racing. 

Remembering you had felt your phone ringing in your jacket pocket indicating a few texts, you figure there's enough time to check them before the light changes.

You show Yoongi and he gives you a thumbs down, making you laugh. Oh, well. Maybe it just wasn't made to be.

Thinking he would just drive you back to your dorm, you're surprised when he doesn't take the next turn back — is he driving to another party?

The answer comes only when he takes a turn before entering the highway. Right to the top of The Hill. Every teenager destination to run away from their problems. Every horny couple with a low budget looking for privacy, which yes, in itself destroys that very purpose. But, this is not a place to think about too much, even if there are also people who come here to think, like Yoongi.

He turns the engine off, puts down the stand, and takes off his helmet. You follow behind, curious.

“I figured we should make something out of being outside right now, the sun is about to set.” He looks at his watch and then to the front, at the view. From here you can see the city from above, at least a big part of it. Including the mountains and skylines.

“C’mon,” he pats your tight twice, asking you to get down. Complying, you use his shoulders for support again and get closer to the barricade at the edge. 

“C'mon,” you throw back to him when he doesn't follow you.

“I can see it from here.”

You frown at him, “really?” He nods. Your head tilts slightly to the side, “reeeally?” 

“Let a guy be.”

He looks… weird. 

And, suddenly, it clicks.

“I can't believe it.” You walk back to him, “Are you afraid of heights?!” 

“Don't make fun of me.” 

“I'm not!” But in fact you're fighting back a smile, “is just… unexpected.”

“Yeah. Unlike the death from falling from here to who knows where.” He reasons and you can't really argue with that.

But you can argue with him moving closer.

Grabbing his hand and pulling, amazed when you manage a few steps without problem, but soon he puts strength into it. The abrupt stop of his body pulls yours back, bringing you close to his chest, making a surprise noise cross your lips and your triumphant smile is gone.

“Don't make me leave you here,” and for a second you wonder if he really would. Wonder how much you can push before he actually gets mad. “Look!”

Your eyes stop scanning his face, following the direction he is looking at and you catch the sky changing colors for the next few minutes. Blue. Orange. Pink. Purple. Dark blue, because the lights of the city start to appear avoiding the complete darkness. But from here, you can see more stars than from your room's window and everything seems kind of infinity.

“Wow…” is a bit lame and predictable, but what else is there to say?

“Yeah. Is beautiful.” He agrees, hand finally letting go of yours and moving to your shoulder, “and you didn't have to stand at the line of death to see it.”

“So dramatic.” With an eye roll you turn to him. He appears calmer, with a smile playing on his lips as he keeps looking at the sky.

“What?” he asks.

You're in his room now, sitting on the bed Yoongi just told you he had to buy a mattress for because he used to dorm at his last university and didn't own one. You make no promises of not spilling any of your slushie on it and he laughs, tells you he will not forgive you and both of you know it’s not true. 

Going back to your room isn't a priority right now, you're having a good time talking about random things and siping your sugary drinks with a big bag of chips between the two. You were nervous about his roommates because apparently they are older and that scares you for some reason, but he reassures you they are busy with their own thing and he can drive you back before they arrive.

“Nothing.” But your eyes are still on his lips, on the color they are tinted thanks to the red drinks, “do you like it?”

“Is not bad. I prefer blueberry, though.” 

“I think this one is better,” you said that before at the store when you stopped for gas, convincing him to try it.

“Of course you think so, you love cherry things. I'd not be surprised if your favorite color is red just because of it.”

“How do you know that?” is surprising he says it with such security.

“It is?”

“No. I mean, yes,” you backtrack, “but how do you know that I love cherry things? Did the matchmakers tell you that?”

“Mai and Hobi?

You nod, too curious of his answer you miss the way his eyes are following your lips as they wrap around the straw.

“No. But you always have cherry candy with you. You gave us cherry lollipops on tuesday. I asked you for gum the other day and you gave me cherry. Jungkook gets you cherry cola specifically, from the vending machine at our building. And,” he pauses his list, the corner of his lip curving up, “like four out of the five times we've kissed, you either test or smell like cherry. Or both.”

“Well,” you answer after a couple seconds of silence, “I'm conscious now.”

He laughs, and you drink again.

“Don't be. Is like… your touch.”

“Ew,” noise scrunched up, “I don't know if I want that. Am I going to be known as the cherry girl?”

Again he laughs, your horrified expression making it impossible not to. 

“Do I smell like it right now?” Bringing your arm to your nose, you try smelling your clothes. Then your hair. 

“Stop,” he asks, reaching to put strains of hair back into place. “You smell good. Forget I said anything.”

“No, I can't. Now it’s in my head.” You try smelling your other arm, almost spilling your drink.

“Okay,” he catches it in time, tilting your hand back completely upright, “that way you really are going to taste like cherry and leave a trace behind.” 

“Wait. Do I really taste like it? When you kiss me, does it bother you?” 

“Why are you freaking out about this?” And seeing your seriousness, he bites back his chuckles.

“Just answer the question.”

“Okay, okay. Let's see,” and before you can process it, his lips are on yours, and he hums. “Can’t tell.” And he goes in again, free hand to the back of your head to bring you forward, to really capture your lips with his.

Running his tongue over your bottom lip sends shivers through your body since it’s warmer, softer. And a small moan escapes your lips, separating them and letting his tongue in. 

You're scared to move. Not because of him. But because you have been wanting to kiss him since sitting down — heck, since this morning — but didn't know how. All this feels so complicated in your head, with rules you have to follow and what not, but in practice, he makes it look so much easier. 

Of course you can't pull him for a kiss in your friends’ house, that is too risky. But when he kisses you like this, it gives you confidence to at least ask him to do it whenever you're alone and feel like it.

Somehow your hand is on his neck, fingers running through the hair at his nape as your mouths keep their rhythm going. And you decide to take the risk, kneeling on the bed and moving closer to him. You separate for a second only to make sure you're not making a mess and he smiles at you, “give me that.” Sipping one last time at the slushie, you give it to him to be secured and abandoned on his nightstand, bag of chips moves next and now his hands are free to pull you into his lap by your waist.

“You haven't answered the question,” you tell him, hands cupping his face, “Or you just wanted to kiss me?”

“Stop stealing my lines.”

“Is that a no?” You pretend to pull back and his hold tightness.

“You want me to say it?” a nod is your answer, and is a bit surprising when he obeys. “Yes. I wanted to kiss you,” and he does, making his point clear. “And also yes, you test like cherry sometimes,” another peck, “is sweeter now, but not so much like when is from your candies,” his voice gets lower each time, practically a whisper, “and your lips look amazing tinted red, I want to kiss you every time.”

And you make it happen. Kissing him softer this time, setting your own peace. Yoongi goes with it at first, but those thoughts he doesn't share with you are hard to keep on track when your hips grind against his. Not helping with the situation in his jeans. 

His hands hold you firmly, stopping your movements, and his lips move faster, fighting for dominance. He wants you and you know it and it gives you the confidence to move again. At first it was involuntarily, your body's own reaction to him, but then you put force into it, mostly to go against his hold. He groans into your mouth, feeling it rumble against your chest. 

Pushing his shoulders back, Yoongi finally gives in and lets go of your hips in order to help himself up with an arm behind him, other hand on your thigh. His eyes travel from there to your chest, moving as fast as his with your breathing, to your face, bottom lip between your teeth and his tongue touches his own in the same place. You just sit there, looking at each other for a few seconds until his hand moves up your leg, dragging the fabric of the skirt along. But he stops mid way, going back down. He chuckles at your reaction of puffing air as a sign of deception, “what's that?”

Prying your eyes from his hand is difficult, but you look at his face, smirk in place as he moves again, fingertips glassing over soft skin. “I should make you do it too,” he teases, “make you tell me what you think and what you want.”

The idea is both terrifying and a turn on at the same time. You have never vocally asked for anything like that, but the tone of his voice, the raspiness, it intoxicates you so much you may be willing to try.

“But I'm not mean like you, baby.” In one swift movement his hand is up your leg again, grabbing your butt and making your skirt rail up, exposing more of your thigh and you gasp as he bucks his hips upward.

“I’m not mean,” you breathe. 

“No?” Head tilts to the side, that playful smile of his should be a crime. “Are you a good girl?”

“I hate you.”

“So we are dirty talking,” he nods and you roll your eyes with a chuckle.

It hasn't been long, but you really like what you guys have. Is easy. Without drama or feelings being hurt. And, being completely honest, the way he kisses you is enough to know you make the right decision.

Do you still believe in soulmates and want to meet yours and live happily ever after like all the love stories you have consumed throughout your life? Yes. But maybe your story can also include an arc of exploring your sexuality with someone who is just a friend. Someone who gets your jokes and trusts you too. Someone who kisses you sooo good it takes your breath away without having to be scared of the future and what-ifs. 

Someone whose fingertips brush the top of your inner thighs, so close to their goal, but nothing more because he is waiting for you. Although it’s hard because of the little sounds that keep flowing out of your throat as you start moving your hips on his lap, grinding on his hardening erection.

He is kissing your neck, sucking here and there but not hard enough to leave marks, and his other hand has made its way down your t-shirt, looking for that skin to skin contact, glad both of your guys' jackets were abandoned way before at his bedroom’s entrance. 

“Tell me to stop and I'll,” Yoongi reminds against your skin and you nod, the hand under your skirt finally moving from its place and you miss the warmth it provided. But his fingers reach for the waistband of your panties and your breath hatch a little as they move south, thumb brushing over your clothed pussy. “Fuck.” 

You moan. At the touch, at his reaction to feeling you're wet. And before you can feel conscious about it, he is rubbing circles over it. “Ahh…”

“So responsive,” he groans, “Does it feel good?” 

You nod, unable to form words as he pushes gently over on your center, making your body move towards him, looking for more. And he gives it to you by sneaking his hand under your panties, ring finger sliding between your folds, a groan of his own accompanying your whimpers as he truly feels how wet you're.

“F-fuck. You feel so soft,” Yoongi points out and it makes a shiver run down your body, while he keeps rubbing expertly, cupping your pussy when even without realizing your hips start moving again, looking for more friction.

“Y-yoongi,” you call, asking for more. 

For a second you think he doesn't get it because he takes his hand out, however is only to bring his ring and middle finger to his mouth, humming around them without breaking eye contact. Brown irises over taken by desire and you could've gotten lost on that look alone, but soon his hand goes back to its place between your legs, “Breathe,” he instructs, “tell me if it hurts.”

And it does, a little. Because you're not used to it and every touch is a bit overwhelming, all the same, he is gentle, one finger pushing in slowly and not all the way before going back. Your eyes close under his gaze, inspecting your reaction as he pushes in again, letting you get used to the feeling. 

“Is it good?” his lips go back to your neck, kissing his way up to your lips. 

“S-so good,” you smile against his mouth, “you can go on.”

And he moans against yours before adding another one, two digits inside you.

The thing about Yoongi is: he is a pleaser. He likes making his partners feel good and the way your lips part as he pushes into your pussy makes him weak. He knows that if you asked him to finger you all night he would, no questions asked.

But he also knows you don't have much time. That's why you are still sitting on his lap and not laying on his bed, and why he kept your clothes on even if is now regretting it.

His eyes travel down your body, to your hand in a fist with the fabric of your clothes. “Pull it up, doll.” Yoongi requests. “Your skirt. Let me see you.” 

You do, the carmine color on your cheeks even deeper as your sight is filled with his hand movements. 

“...so hot, taking my fingers so good.” He murmurs, hand on your lower back holding you in place as he picks up the peace. Feeling how your walls tighten around him every time he pushes in and his dick requests attention at the thought of fucking you properly. If only he had time.

“Fuck, fuck, fuc-” is your new mantra as his fingers move expertly, breaking into incohesive moans when they touch the bundle of muscle that makes you see stars. 

“I got you,” he says, “f-fuck, so pretty, baby.” Yoongi's voice is so gentle and still filled with lust as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, getting you closer and closer to the end. “C’mon, let me see you cum, y/n.”

And that's all you need, hear your name so out of breath, to practically hit your orgasm on command. Head tilted back and lip between your teeth to suppress any noises, ignoring the voice of reason in your head that tells you is a bit late for that.

When you open your eyes again Yoongi's fingers are back in his mouth, sucking yourself off of them, and even if you just reached your high, you can't help the way your pussy reacts to that.

Catching you staring, he winks at you. 

And before you can decide the next move, your ringtone fills the silence, almost making you jump out of his lap. He chuckles, “Careful,” freeing you from his hands as you reach for your phone.

“Yes?” You answer, free hand fixing your clothes and putting black strains in place, trying to shake the feeling of being caught.

“Hi. Sorry about the time, my flight got canceled and then the next one took hours and—” taking the phone away from your ear, you realize that in the heat of the moment you didn't even notice it was an unknown number and not one of the guys. You're about to say they probably got the wrong number but the person keeps talking and it feels rude to just cut them off. “...but I'll have to wait until tomorrow. So apparently you're the only one with a key now and they said you were here but I knocked and well, I don't know if you were sleeping or…?” 

It takes you a second to process they do want you to talk now. “Sorry. I don't think I'm who you're looking for.”

“Are you not y/n?”

“Yes…” you turn to Yoongi, confused expression matching yours. “Who are you?”

“Oh, shit. I forgot to introduce myself, didn't I?” You nod even if it can't be seen through the phone, “I'm Subin. Your new roommate.”

A/N: AAAAAAHHHHHH pls don't call Subin a cockblocker ㅠ^ㅠ even if she would call herself that if she knew hahah. A/N 2: ALSO, I decided to try something new with the format of showing the texting, so please tell me your opinion, do you like it as screenshots or prefer it to be typed down? or is the same either way? Send a tip on ko-fi?? ( Only if you can and don't feel pressured to do it! )

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[kazumist]

EPISODE 15 ★ CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME

FAKE IT TILL WE MAKE IT — A SCARAMOUCHE SMAU

masterpost / prev ep / next ep / timestamps don't matter

right after you tweeted about how your granny asked if scaramouche were to pick you up for prom, you received a text saying that he was picking you up. what a coincidence! and now you’re here, waiting for your so-called “prom date” to arrive so you can go to the venue together.

“i still feel so sick, god,” you thought as you linked your arm with his before entering the place (not because of the fact that you’re linking arms with him; you could really care any less than that).

by the time you step foot on the floor where the event is being held, you can already hear the loud chatting and slight music in the background.

hopefully, this night will be worth it.

after what seemed like forever, the program proper finally ended as well as the supposedly dinner. now, it was just simply the photo opportunities and dancing that’s taking place.

but you don’t really remember how you ended up with scaramouche on the dance floor in the first place. 

there was an awkward silence between the two of you, always avoiding eye contact with the other. it was either you look around the venue or you just simply glance at the ground and watch as your feet dance with each other. 

“when do you think we should stop?” he asks.

“huh? stop what?”

“did he mean to stop this whole set-up or stop dancing? surely, it was the latter, right?” you thought.

“stop this whole… set-up we have.” oh.

“i mean, i think my visit to your place was good enough to convince your grandmother that you aren’t single anymore. and those annoying admirers left me earlier than expected.”  he continues, glancing at your expression from time to time to see how you would react.

“does it really have to—oh god, what am i thinking? of course it has to end sooner or later.” another thought.

“why don’t we just end it when we originally planned? the school year is almost over anyway. are we in agreement?”

scaramouche stays silent for a moment while he looks at you. but you really have no idea on what he’s thinking right now, so there’s a chance that he might reply with the craziest thing or there might be a catch.

“i’ll agree, but only on one condition.” it seems to be the latter, unfortunately. for some reason you’d prefer it more if he said something crazy instead.

“what? you can’t be serious right no—”

“that you must call me kunikuzushi.”

again, what?

“although we practically have no one to fool at this point, it would be strange if my supposedly girlfriend doesn’t call me by my first name, no?”

first of all, there was a catch in what he was going to say. but apparently he says something crazy as well? (technically, he does have a point. but you’ve never called him by his first name the whole time that you’ve known him. it was always scaramouche or just simply “scara” if you felt lazy to say it as a whole.)

“very well then… kunikuzushi.” a stifled laughter escapes your lips as you say that. he raises an eyebrow at you as you both still dance around, “is there something funny about my name?” you shake your head at him. “no, no. it’s a wonderful name, if i must say so myself.”

his voice lowers an octave, “oh, wonderful? very well then… (name).” it all happened too fast, since when was your face so close to his? the sudden close proximity makes you want to melt but this time, you’re staring right back at him.

oh god.

synopsis.

what happens when scaramouche, your rival since the first year of highschool, had some annoying admirers on his back? easy—he (fake) dates you to shoo them off. nothing can possibly go wrong with faking a relationship with the guy you hate, right?

spoiler: apparently, a lot can go wrong.

taglist (open): @niiheng @yinyinggie @ilyuu @veekoko @motherscrustytoenailclippings @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @akairaindrops @kichiyoshi @lxkeeeee @user11918163805279 @sketcheeee @yukiipc @kyouzki @quokkatss @ynverse @yuyumaru @danhenglovebot @sheep-from-rad @gekkow @aeongiies @scararaw @beriiov @thenightsflower @simpforsubmissivemen @sakurapeach @akxtagawaxryxn0sxke @naheana @supernova25 @mitsu-moshi @yelleloww @kiyomi-hoku @kazemiya @theblueblub @lazy-sanns @kazuuhhaaaa @sukunasrealgf @alatusorrow @ahnneyong @bubiblossom @d4y-dr3am3r @featuredtofu @dappledstars @surgeonsofazeroy @reinoodle @venusflwers @gracefulace200 @dearestranpo @ggymj @izukusshuu

[sarka-stically]

im mad enough to make 2nd post and I barely post ever. this show was never high tv but this ep rly spat in the face of everything i liked about it. usually i try to be positive but here you got random list of all things terrible in no particular order (vaguelly chronologic who knows)

ALSO I dont take them probably assuming they would have more eps and then scrambling to fit the story in one episode as decent excuse... the stakes they set up in ep7 werent impossible to fix with one ep, they just wrote terrible episode

ed's entire character arc of 2 seasons being rolled into tiny ball and thrown in the trash. and no he isnt slipping or spiralling again, it isnt him being hot protective husband, this is him, character who spent 2 seasons trying and failing to be better and finally decided that the healthiest thing to do is to just drop the lifestyle that brings out the worst in him and pursue simple life THROWING IT OUT after finding out its not as easy as he assumed and he would have to work for it??? incredible fucking message david jenkins, if being better version of yourself is just lil bit inconvenient its not worth it go back to your crappy ways.

and NO its not him slipping, the tone of this whole thing is very distinctly victorious. and also NO the path he took now is not in any way different or better than the one he left. there is even fun triumphant vibe to him KILLING PEOPLE which was always treated as sth BAD for him??? literally absolute nonsense

what the fuck was that plot?? why are all pirates arrested?? when all they did was sink those ships?? i know this show tends to be cooky and silly and cartoony, but this was just absolutely random unexplained jump of stakes.

WHERE THE FUCK are all the other husbands of jackie. this is barely valid complaint but this stupid ep rly makes it look like swede is her only husband and I dont appreciate it

why the unholly hell did they spend entire season actually setting up crew as important, give them their own opinions and relationships to their captains, have izzy even mention that THE CREW is what its all about.... and then have them barely have any speaking roles in this episode and 0 plot relevance

that fucking PLAN??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? im sorry why the fuck did their plan include walking through the biggest swarm of brits while having mr noseless richie UNSECURED amongst them??? why even BRING HIM other than to have him there specifically so he can be the one to shoot izzy for future drama???

izzy. death.

i genuinely could be FINE with izzy dying if they wrote it decently. and id even be fine with it in this episode. if they made it fucking meaningful... but they had my man, mr famously skilled pirate catch random bullet because he is incompetent actually... bullet into the side of the body that ofmd physics say is survivable easily??? and then give 0 attention to it??

ed being there while he dies??? this truly makes me just feel like they killed him only so in hypoteticky s3 they can woobify poor ed some more... or even give him excuse to be narrativelly clean of any atrocities he does in name of revenge

but it makes no. fucking. sense. ed shluldnt be there saying ur my only family, ed has not treated izzy as family ONCE in this entire show, ed barely talked to izzy after first 3 episodes, he is NOT the person on that ship who cares about izzy the most of all. if anyone should be there while he fucking DIES its the crew. who has shown constantly through this season that they care about him, who he made whole speech about in THIS SAME EPISODE. im sorry frenchie did NOT carry izzy back on the ship to drop him on the floor and have ed who I REPEAT HAS NOT SHOWN HE CARES ABOUT HIM AS MORE THAN AQUITANCE SINCE LIKE EARLY S1 be the one to be there in his last moment.

I get izzy wanting to make amends but BOTH OF THEM SHOULD BE APOLOGISING, HE SHOULDNT VE BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS and ed shouldnt be framed as blameless in their relationship in izzy's last moment.

and what made me genuinely laugh was izzy saying that the crew is ed's family. they are literally NOT. everyone who was aboard the revenge either hates him or is scared of him, and I dont think they had enough reason to change their minds as ed hasnt rly spent any time with the crew and shown only care for stede. they are NOT ed's found family and this payoff and this found family line is so ridiculously not set up and not narrativelly deserved it makes me laugh.

overall absolutely ridiculizs episode it made me laugh and it made me angry and it also made me angry how quickly we move past that

[sunjaesol]

KTL ep. 12

The lie being revealed showed how easily the dynamic can change and how it instantly sets the tone for the rest of the episodes. Status and rank is so ingrained in Korean culture that, even when Sa-rang denied it, it does affect her relationship with Won

Da-eul being annoyed and upset is so valid. She's a mother and manager and doesn't need any BS in her personal life (especially with her POS husband and parents-in-law)

SANGSIK CRYING THAT WON HAS A GF FIRST HDHDJDJDJD

Sa-rang: "He doesn't make me anxious or disappointed." YES LET'S STAN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Hwa-ran is playing such a good ‘game’ by forcing the board members to side with her. I love that she's so cunning. The whole debate, whether opportunism or altruism was the best way to lead a business, was interesting as well

We finally know Pyeong-hwa’s secret! An accidental marriage and divorce! I wonder how the pilot and the purser discovered her secret—did they snoop into her file? This also shows once again the women's disadvantages in the workplace. Divorce should be no reason not to promote her.

Hwa-ran: “Fire her! Get rid of her!” I GASPED. I honestly thought this would be the end of Sa-rang's time in the KTL lounge.

Also, Hwa-ran is catching onnnnnn. She's finally seeing that Won is giving Sa-rang special treatment.

Sa-rang being part of the KTL group!!! THAT WAS SUCH A SWEET SCENE

“Did you see how quick I was?!” Won is the absolute cutest

“I can't leave you alone if you're this endearing,” followed by a SEXY SEXY KISS. also him saying she has 'seen it all' ???? Djdjdkdkdkdk

Sang-sik as a potential traitor to Won was not something I suspected. He always wanted to go to the top, but I didn't realise he might take Hwa-ran's side to do that

Ms. Kim talking about Han Mi-so 🥺🥺🥺 that was such a beautiful scene and the actress carried it wonderfully—you can really feel her melancholy

That whole ocean scene...... wow. Sa-rang opening up about her mother, her story and connection to the ocean, the photo, Won's moment of catharsis, the idea that a trail leading to the ocean’s horizon brings people to their moved ones.... 🥺🥺🥺

WHAAAAA NOT SARANG BEING A LITERAL MAID TO WON IM SICK TO MY STOMACH. Is this Hwa-ran's actions? Did Sang-sik tell her about Won's relationship and, consequently, did Hwa-ran ask the chairman to add Sa-rang to the Dream Team to blindside both her and Won? Because she knows about the chairman's plan with Yu-ri and Won???

[chaisshitposts]

thanks for reminding me i can manifest them to be chill- i way too used to my strict parents lmao

THE JOJO REFERENCES GOES HARD FR

i haven't catched up with hxh manga but i did finish the anime and basically killua split up to protect alluka and gon wanted to meet his father so they technically couldn't stay together, there's a possibility that they won't appear in the manga again :((

don't blame me😭 the first thing i saw about kny was that episode and nezuko (there was so many nezuko edits oml), but first episode was like a 50/50 for me?? i'm pretty sure it's because i used to watch like really dark magical girls animes when i was younger and my cousins always made me watch the final destination series with them🧍🏻

OML TOJI I REMEMBER READING THE MANGA AND WANTING HIM AND MEGUMI TO MEET SDCNKSDJFBS and yuta is the literal definition of looking like a cinnamon roll but can actually kill you

I DON'T BLAME YOU ABOUT THE PROMISED NEVERLAND CUz Isabella's jumpscare in the first episode was😭😭🖐🏻 and yES PLS GIVE BUNGO STAY DOGS A CHANCE!

KATEKYO HITMAN REBORN?? I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET BUT MY COUSIN WATCHES IT A LOT

there's something so scrumptiously delicious about main characters who are weak but are actually strong and just humbles the people who underestimates them, like, sLAY

my sister recommended me mashle! it's on to watch list since i'm planning on binge watching animes in my waiting room and PLS TELL ME THAT ZOM 100 IS FINALLY COMPLETED, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO BINGE WATCH IT SINCE LIKE LAST LAST MONTH

i'm currently watching the apothecary diaries! It's so refreshing because the female lead is so smart and pragmatic, like she doesn't give a sht about the male lead and just loves medicine and poison tasting so much😫 the only thing i dislike is how she's being forced to be the male lead's partner but the plot is still good heheh

🐧anon

no problemo 🕵️ gotta help the homies out. everything in life is a jojo reference, even jesus.

oml nO wait I watched the whole HXH manga and know they split up I was just acting delusional 😭 and uGh I hope the manga gets finished one day... The creator has bad health-- wait a damn minute I can just manifest his health back wtf am I sayin' 🧐

PFFFTTT what a wild read— and oh god no don't even talk about final destination to me, I cannot drive on the freeway normally sometimes bc of that shit, everytime I see a truck with like oversized loads (especially the fuckers with the big ass steel poles on the back of them) I always get chills, even though I know nothing is gonna happen to me cause I said so 🧍

toji didn't even remember he had son.... deadbeat dad type beat. yuta and rika deserve better ngl

isabella and that other maid... they are nightmare fuel. and yes!!!!!! I will absolutely give it another chance for the adorable tiger boy with the fruity little haircut!!! bingeing anime in yer waitin' room??? bruh that's literally so big brain wtf I low-key wanna shift to all my favorite animes one of these days 🕵️ but I have this underlying worry about the version of myself being left behind to do my dirty work lmfao

also- katekyo hitman reborn! is super good, but I will say that I have been rewatchin' it for a sense of nostalgia on and off whenever I have time and god the first like--- 20 episodes are fuckin' cringe but the main character's awakenin' is satisfying 😭 he's like the og deku

I have no idea if all the eps have been posted for zom 100 !!!! I will check for you today if I remember--- I haven't had time to check after watching like the first three episodes on crunchyroll—

OooOo an anime with a strong female lead!?!?! I would absolutely eat that shit up oml gobble gobble gobble— ew that plot sounds cringey. man, I really want an anime with a stoic, underestimated female lead whos like majorly asexual... wait 🧍 hold on, I basically just described saiki k... I NEED A FULL THIRD SEASON OF THE DISASTROUS LIFE OF SAIKI K.

[octoxen]

MY BRAIN IS GOIN KABONKERS

gets ready for Xen happily rambles about the Final Episode of Alan Becker, THE KING

i was supposed to ramble about this last night/ after its premiere, but i was so sleepy lol-

If you haven't watched it, here it is!

For those who do not know about the series, I highly recommend watching from Episode 1 before this episode to prevent spoilers and confusion.

•••••

Basic Information:

AVM - ANIMATION VS. MINECRAFT

this amazing series that I always ramble and brainrot about is made by one of my favorites, Godliest Animator of the whole time, Alan Becker! (It is also a part of my childhood btw.) The Mini animated series features 5 stick figures, Second Coming, Blue, Green, Red and Yellow who are created by Alan himself on his computer, the legendary AAA game, Minecraft is also featured in the series. The series' plot basically starts with the Stick figures messing around and playing with the minecraft icon which it then turns to the five venturing deep into the world of minecraft, from a soft or happy story to intense and angsty lore, the series currently contains 3 Seasons and 30 Episodes, it started in the year 2015.

-------------

SPOILERS WARNING!

----------

Now I'm gonna talk about the final Episode:

The King [Ep. 30]

-------------

Honestly...this has to be the best episodes and one of my favorites from the series itself, Alan and his Animation crew outdone themselves, making the 7-8 months of work and compilation all worth it, all I have to tell them is they did an Epic job and thanks to them, the episode was possible to be made, I thank all of them, including Alan for making this series, its already like the series we see on our local TVs, but this is different. There are no voices, nor dialogues, but just Stickfigures, movements, perspectives and beautiful music, and an epic Tale of 5 stickfigures.

--------------

I also had no idea King Neo/Orange's background was like that, what DJ (Alan's friend) said from the commentary was true, "Every villain is actually a hero in their own stories/head", yes, just look at how Orange hated minecraft because of the test gameplay and glitch that happened which caused his son's/sibling's demise, he just wanted to get his son back, unfortunately King can't because his beloved one is already dead. (maybe.)

-----------

The glitch scene, specifically THIS scene

This. Shocked me. It reminded me so much of Pibby apocalypse. I was screaming "NOOOOO" while the video progressed, look at Orange :(, much worse, HE SAW HIS OWN BELOVED ONE DIE AT THE FRONT OF HIS VERY OWN EYES!!! I MEAN- WHO WOULDNT BE ON DESPAIR SEEING THAT? YOUR LOVED ONE, MEETING THEIR DEMISE INFRONT OF YOUR VERY OWN EYES!! My goodness...ALL I CAN SAY THIS IS VERY GOOD, SNACKABLE ANGST HMHMHMHMUHEHHE. The quality of the animation was so good too! The series really became an anime in a matter of time lmao-

---------

next up, when Orange planned how to destroy minecraft, I saw some scientific formulas there which activated nightmare fuels..hahahhehe. Mans really doing everything just to get his son back :(

When Purple saw that Orange was looking for the colored stickfigures (because he saw them playing minecraft at one of the local tvs in the city, he figured out they might know where the minecraft icon is and help him destroy it.), Purple went to Orange, telling him that he has already met them. Proving that, Purple did some fighting moves, but Orange didnt respond, Next, Purple pulled up and elytra which was from minecraft and equipped it, flew up and away with a firework and Orange finally responded and took him in.

----------

Finally, the fight scene. Purple punching King Orange was kinda satisfying after that betrayal, but the staff was stolen by Orange once again so their plan to catch King Orange failed-

HEROBRINE MADE A FRICKING APPEARANCE LMFAO I WAS ROFL SO HARD BECAUSE MANS WAS JUST DODGING LIKE THE ZERO TWO MEME 😭😭 ALSO. He possessed red again, that also shocked me, i was shouting "EPISODE ONE FLASHBACK?!?!?!" I JUST- AUSHEJEHWN ITS TOO EPICLY AMAZING AND FANTASTIC

the movements were also clear to see, I wonder how many animators animated every single stickfigure and mob in there to make the movements-

--------skipping few of the scenes

ENDGAME PART OR WHERE THE WHITE THINGY- VOID THING GOT STRONGER FROM THE STAFF, I STARTED TO STIM SO HARD BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD AND INTENSE, CUE THE MUSIC AND GRAPHIC, LOOK AT THE 6 STICKFIGURES GOING ONE BY ONE TO THE KING TRYING TO STOP HIM FROM DESTROYING MINECRAFT,, THEY WERE PUT IN THE WHITE VOID AND THAT CAUSED THEM TO GLITCH! THEN-THEN-

--------

Purple stood up and ran to King Orange, he countered the white void, reaching his hand to the King, this activated Flashbacks of the tragic Past, Purple struggling similar to Orange's son struggling to get out of the glitch. and when Purple gave up, Orange put the staff down and ran to Purple, he then realized that he was doing the same thing that Minecraft did to his son. He also realized Purple was the only one who understands him, who was with him through his plan and is like his beloved one, He also jumped in to the void to get Purple as his memories of him betraying Purple flashed, but Purple dissapeared to particles as Orange also dissapeared..

----------

ALSO! SECOND COMING'S QUICK THINKING WORKED, SAVING EVERYONE OMFG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

The way they did everything together just to stop minecraft from getting destroyed..the audacity of these 5 stick figures, I love them and their friendship so much!

------

And now the part that really made me scream.

This scene.

I know some actually dislike the ship, King Orange x Purple because their relationship is more of a Father and Son dynamic, but for me and as one of the ones liking their dynamic, I actually cried when they hugged..King Orange is the new Father Purple needed, and Purple is the new son King Orange needed. I cried so much at this part, being happy because they finally realized they needed each other to fill the hole in their hearts. NOT TO MENTION THE DRAMATIC MUSIC HOLY GDOSYQJHWJQHWMAHAKH

ALSO SC APPEARING FROM THE NETHER PORTAL AUGHHHHHHH FHDJEHSNJ THE SLOW MOTIONNNNN

-----------

by the way this isnt the end of my rambling- Im editting a few later but

THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE EVER. ITS BETTER THAN THE ANIMATED SERIES I'VE WATCHED ON NETFLIX. I LOVE AVM SO MUCH!

THANK YOU ALAN BECKER FOR MAKING THE BEST MINECRAFT SERIES EVER!

"It all started with 5 curious stick figures, ended with an epic legacy."

-Octoxen

[lovecolibri]

I saw some of your reblogs and tags and yes that's what is lacking the cohesion we had until s3 at least, where everything was like a puzzle piece. Now it's just like chicago pd where they focus on a character each ep and the others barely exist. 6a is hen's season and the others're just there. I always thought we'd get buddie naturally like madney in s2, but KR is completely incapable of doing something like that. It's a pity not getting buddie at all cause above all they used to be bestfriends

It's really frustrating because the show just does not feel the same and it was easy to pinpoint the reason in season 5 because the team was physically really separated but it also felt like maybe the distance had a point and purpose but we never got like, a nice big talk or resolution to all the things just a "here's everyone together" montage in the last couple minutes of the finale. But season 6 is like...the cast is HERE, they are having scenes TOGETHER, they are all working TOGETHER, why does it still feel so off? But it's still the same as season 5 where we are getting a couple scenes for one or two characters but everyone else is just kind of *there*, and all the other scenes are just pointlessly drawn out emergencies, or things happening more AT the firefam than things happening TO them that have impact and get brought up later and dealt with.

Catch me being salty forever that Chim got abducted and Buck rode a bike after him and risked getting hit by a car, and it literally impacted nothing at all and was never brought up again. This answer is several days late because I had a bridal shower to plan and do this weekend for my new SIL, but the post this was in response to was someone saying how a few little changes like having Maddie as the dispatcher on the call when Chim gets taken, and having follow ups with the characters about the event would have made it have some depth and meaning and instead it just happened and then was done and everyone moved on. Which is ridiculous because it was SUCH a rich set up for some juicy drama! There's Chim/Maddie angst, Buck/Chim talk and reconciliation after last season, there's Bobby and Eddie worried about Chim but also Buck's self-sacrificing tendencies angst, there's Eddie/Buck angst specifically related to The Will and Buck's thoughts of expendability, there's Hen/Chim angst with her partner getting taken (AGAIN), when she's not there to have his back. Like, there were SO many conversations and drama that could have come out of that scene and it BAFFLES me that the show isn't using stuff like this and then talking about how they're running out of ideas. Ummm, maybe your problem is that the person calling the shots doesn't know what TF she's doing and is so obsessed with how she can work in Law and Order: Wee Woo edition, maggots, and cheating, that she can't fathom why people would want to watch the firefam actually BEING a family and talking to each other about things! Athena went through a HUGELY impactful event and we didn't see her talk with Hen about it, or show that her life/emotional state has been impacted in any capacity, Chim and Maddie are just back to being fine, Buck, Eddie, and Chris had ONE family scene together that everyone raved about and we've gotten next to NOTHING since, even in an episode where we SHOULD have and not seeing Eddie and Chris take Hoover over to Buck's was incredibly glaring.

Even the last episode which had all the ingredients to be SO much fun, and interesting, and good set up and drama was just...boring. The whole Noah thing was poorly handled (him asking Maddie for help would have involved her and Athena and shown HIM as the victim (which he WAS) instead of making Maddie his victim), the emergencies were meh (though the number of comments about Folgers siblings were hilarious), and the firefam scenes we got were fun but short and so surface level they felt hollow, and the IMDB rating reflects that. They really do need to make a change because the show can't keep going on like this and expect to have the budget to bring it back up to it's previous standers with more and better writers/directors and better emergencies.

[winderlylandchime]

Just so you know, he once again made me promise the brian/ben thing is done. He officially has trust issues. Anyway here i am with 2x15.

‘Are we finally getting some Justin and Michael content? Where Michael isn’t being a little bitch? I like this! I think i said it before that this *flaps his hands around* has potential. Michael just has to stop being Mr Annoying for 2 seconds’ He is very happy about this potential friendship. So i think he’s gonna love Rage. ‘Let Emmett be said over Mr Pickle! I can’t believe they killed him off!’ ‘MICHAEL CALLED JUSTIN BRIAN’S BOYFRIEND AND LOOK! BRI BRI IS SILENT! Glad that we all finally agree Bri Bri. They’re gonna make a comic book?! WAIT THIS IS COOL! Is this how i get them to start being friends? I fuck with this!’ He wanted to google if their comic book actually exists but then remembered spoilers and now he’s upset about that. ‘Look at them hanging out in Bri Bri’s loft and hanging out. This is adorable *points to the tv* i like this shit. Keep this shit going please and thank you. Oh Justin is 2 seconds away from fucking Brian in front of Mike..(rage starts existing)…are they going to base the hero off of Brian? Why doesn’t that surprise me? That man can’t catch a break *brian throws his walkman* HEY! As someone who still owns one that was rude!..Rage? I kind of fuck with that.’ He was so pissed off at George’s ex wife that he crossed his fingers and kept saying to himself ‘please trip on the stairs’, i think the funeral scene might piss him off even more. ‘Oh shit, he’s gonna make the comic about the bashing? How is Bri Bri gonna feel about this? I mean i get its Justins story but Bri Bri was also affected.’ Now one of my favorite scenes in this ep is up even if Justin falls asleep. ‘Of course he’ waited for him!!! I say this in a completely normal way but that “come over here” was very hot. I see why everyone is obsessed with this man. Oh. THINGS ARE GETTING HOT! I know he’s been soft with Justin before but this is-MICHAEL WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INTERRUPT GOOD STUFF?!?! Okay back to hot! justin, wake up. Justin! Justin! Wake your ass up my dude!! I get he’s tired but things were about to be fun!’

He is now having a meltdown over Linds and Mel trying to do whatever already.‘Okay first of, i like that Brian is just there. That’s cute. But as someone who did carpentry for a living (I mention that he did it for 1 month while he was 20 until he fell off the roof) *looks at me offended* it still COUNTS, i learned a lot that month. How to read plans for houses, how to build shit, to always look if the ladder is under you before stepping off the roof…anyway look at them hanging out, you can’t tell me that Bri Bri and Melly can’t find a way to get along. They got along when she cheated. Not that i support it but if it would make things easier for me with these two, can she cheat again? What do i have to do for that enemy to friends thing to happen?’ He is now very intrigued that Brian pointed out Linds being jealous because he thinks Brian won’t like the comic book but he thinks the reason will be the bashing story. He is very, and i mean very upset about the whole Emmett at the funeral thing. He kept saying that nobody knows Mr Pickle like Emmett. I think Iron Man just got some company when it comes to mourning the loss of a character. ‘Okay Brian is clearly jealous. It’s kinda funny how both Bri and Mike have jealous moments that involve Justin’ ‘Ben, my man..Mr Boring, why in the hell would you say that to Brian, oh my god even his turn ons are boring. DUDE STOP TALKING HES ALREADY A BIT JEALOUS NO NEED TO THROW HIM OFF THE EDGE…im pretty sure brian and justin fucking can compete with some comic book’ He just physically groaned at what Mel and Lindsay did. Again this dude is actually not handy at all. ‘Even when he’s drunk he’s making sure these two hotties don’t step on Justins work. What in the fuck are Brian and I seeing now? Oh he is losing his shit. Oh no, he just pissed on it. I mean it fits his jealousy and anger but bro, my man, my dude, that’s gross….*pauses the tv and looks at me* does this technically mean that he just gave himself a golden shower?’ *continues watching without even waiting for an answer* ‘Why is this *waves his hands towards Mikey and Justin sleeping* so awkward. Oh no! EW STOP THIS! GROSS! See! Even Justin thought that was absurd which is why he barely got through this scene, never again show me this shit. Oh no blondie’s feelings are about to be hurt. Oh no. Baby it’s okay, i mean it’s not but we will fix this shit!’ ‘Oh no, Brian you are unfortunately on your own here, i know you’re hurt and jealous but I’m sitting this one out. OH ONCE AGAIN DEBBIE CALLED HIM OUT ON BEING IN LOVE WITH JUSTIN! And he is quiet!! We are getting that love confession!! *pauses the tv on Brian* okay he fucked up, but he looks very pretty here’ ‘OH MY GOD MIKE SAID THAT BRIAN LOVES JUSTIN! I AM WINNING! THAT CONFESSION IS GONNA HAPPEN I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES! What happens next episode?!?! Tell me! (He picks up the dvd cover but i take it away) OH IT SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A BIRTHDAY! Is it gonna be Brian telling him he loves him for his bday present? IT IS ISNT IT? Otherwise why would you hide it from me? Oh i am so ready. Wait start the episode again i need Brian to apologize with a blowjob or something’ my heart actually breaks for what he is going to witness in the next episode, he is so excited for his version of the ep. He is now once again on the verge of tears ‘that is such a beautiful eulogy about Pickle guy. I’m going to miss him so much..i love you too Pickle guy’ ‘OH MY GOD BRIAN PUT EVERYTHING BACK IN ORDER! Im not used of him saying sorry, i like it, feels strange though. He’s going to throw them a party!!! See having a boyfriend in marketing pays off, that was adorable! I am so ready for the next episode!’ He is now fully sure that Brian might tell Justin he loves him with the help of a comic book or something. And he immediately went to play 2x16 without any type of breaks. I am not ready for this.

You got to Rage and all the storylines that come from that. Yes, finally Michael is a reasonable character and we get to see Brian's jealousy pop out. It's so cute.

HE FELL OFF A ROOF!? Yeah maybe he doesn't have a leg (ladder?) to stand on regarding Mel and Linds' remodel.

Did he just give himself a golden shower? I die.

Everyone is saying Brian loves Justin, but Brother is going to be so disappointed that the actual words don't happen for so long. And it definitely doesn't happen for a birthday present...

He loves Pickle Guy and I love that for us.

I am so sorry about what you're going to have to endure for the next episode...

[thatsalrightprettymama]

Should've Known You'd Bring Me Heartache

A/N: @smbonilla2002 I finally finished it, but here's your fic request! I hope you enjoy and it's the angst you wanted. This is pure angst, no fluff, no comfort, just hurt 😂. I can't believe that people actually like my little fanfic stories, especially enough to request something lol. I can't believe the response I got on ALADATPO, and I'm also realizing that due to using lyrics from songs I listen to while writing, or the song the fics about, I'm making Fall Out Boy length titles lol 😂🤣. I got the title of this fic from the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy I really hope you all enjoy this fic as well. Constructive criticism is always welcomed, and while it's not proofread I did slightly edit it using Word's editor setting lol. I apologize for any mistakes.

Warning: Angst, cussing?

Word Count:3.1K

 In the tightest red dress, you owned you walked into Club Handy with one simple mission, you were going to drown your heartache or drink till you blacked out; you didn’t care which one happened first. As your heels stalked onto the main floor you shoot BB a smile, waving when he nods in your direction. You quickly make a B- Line to the bar, smiling at the familiar bartender Sammy. “Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in! I ain’t seen you in a minute doll, how’ve you been?” He asks with a smile as you pull a stool out to sit on. “I’ve been better, and I’m sure I’ve been worse.” You answer lightly keeping your smile, refusing to think anything other than your personal mission. “I’ve missed you Sammy, but I’ve missed your old-fashions a bit more.” You quip with a smile as he chortles and nods. “Alright then missy, I’ll get ya one served up. “He tells you as he grabs a glass, you smile and watch him make your drink before sliding it to you.

Taking it, you sweetly thank him before turning around to watch the crowd as you start on your first drink. You sip down your drink, ignoring the burn as you watch the sea of people dance and twirl. It’s not long before you finish that drink and turn to ask Sammy for another one. By the time you finish your third drink you decided that you’re gonna add having fun to your mission. Catching the eye of a tall blonde, brown-eyed boy, you decided to go over and ask for a dance. He looked the total opposite of Elvis, and when you started to dance with him you realized he was the opposite of Elvis in a lot of things besides just looks. He didn’t have much rhythm, stepping on your toes a few times as you two danced. His attempt at smooth lines sounding cheesy, but he was a bit cute, and you wanted fun. After a few songs you drag him to the bar as you two get some more drinks.

You teasingly flirt with the young man as you two take a pause to drink before he drags you back onto the dancefloor when you finish your drink. After a bit though, you drunkenly get bored of him and also a bit tired of having your dogs stepped on, you shake him in the crowd and go back for another drink. Unaware that from his corner B.B.’s been keeping an eye on you the whole night. Biting his lip he watches you at the bar, wandering how drunk you planned on getting that night. He glances at the clock and decides if he doesn’t see chill out soon, he was gonna call EP. He was terrified that you were gonna find yourself trouble getting this drunk alone.  You smile gratefully at Sammy as he hands you your drink, turning to watch the crowd again as you drink. Sipping you fully enjoy your buzz as the alcohol makes you feel happier than you had in weeks, warm and flushed. With a dopey smile you watch the crowd as you quickly finish your drink, raising you glass to signal another you sway to the music as you resume watching the crowd.

As you sway to the beat you catch the eye of another guy. You basically begin a routine as the night drags. You’ll find a guy to keep your drunken attention span for a few dances, and then go back to the bar for another drink and to search for the new one. You continue it for a few more hours, consuming more drinks as you let the alcohol start to take every care away, and let’s warm fuzzy buzz take over your mind.  Though still unknown to you B.B. watches from his corner, the worry in his gut get worse as the clock ticks by.  B.B. had seen you cut loose in Club Handy before, but never like this. This wasn’t you; he couldn’t help but think as you twirled around with guy after guy, and down drink after drink. Though his gut drops as he sees the man you were dancing with a few moments ago follow you to the bar and grab your shoulder.  In that instant he decides the night’s went on long enough for you, he needs to call EP.  As he excuses himself from the table, he stalks across Club Handy toward the phone he knew Mama Thornton had in the back.

You’re waiting for your next drink when you feel a hand grab your shoulder, “You think you can just tease me without giving me anything.” The angry drunken man tells you as you turn, easily lighting your anger in your drunken state. “I think I can have fun and not owe you or any man a damn thing.�� You bite at the man, getting Sammy’s attention from his spot down the bar. “Listen you little tease, I bought you a drink, I danced with your drunk ass, and I deserve something for my trouble,” He sleazily tells you, his nostrils flaring with his temper. Your drunkenly wonder why you danced with a man so ugly before you tell him hotly, “You ain’t special. You’re just another jack to play with. Obviously a dull one if I ain’t takin’ ya home.” You watch as a snarl flashes upon his face as he spits out. “You little teasin’ whore!” In your drunken state, you raise your hand and slap the man across the face without thinking.

As the man raises his arm, Sammy seemingly comes out of nowhere saving you as he grabs the guy from behind. Drawing more attention to your confrontation as he tells him, “No one talks to Lil Birdie like that, or tries to touch her. You’re night at Club Handy’s over.” The man tries to get out of his hold as Sammy leads him out of the club. As your chest hammers, and you feel yourself get hot from the alcohol and attention, you hear Sammy tell him, “Stop, fightin’ or you’ll be banned. Leave.” You jump out of your skin when you feel another hand on your shoulder. Turning your head, your gut drops when you see B.B., one of Elvis’s best friends. “Lil Birdie, I think you need to follow me in the back room and have some water.” He tells you firmly, and while his words might sound like he’s suggesting it, but his tone is commanding it. Biting your lip, you allow the familiar man led you to Mama Thornton’s office.

Drunkenly following him, you try your best to ignore the stares as you start to realize how much of a full you’ve made of yourself.  Thankfully it’s not long before you two reach the door of the back office, it’s thickly quiet as B.B. leads you into the room. Hanging your head, you wobbly go to the couch and sit as he pours you a glass of water. “Thank you.” You smally tell him as he hands you the glass, missing the sad look in the man’s eyes as he looks at you. “Lil Birdie, what the hell was all that?” B.B. softly asks, breaking the silence after you’ve taken a few sips of water. “I ain’t ever seen you like that.”  He comments as you bite your lip, alcohol in your system allowing your emotions to easily build up. “Me makin’ a fool outta myself.” You answer dejectedly, still refusing to meet his gaze as he secretly keeps you in the office for the ride, he’s called you.

“Little birdie, I know all that was more than just being a drunken fool.” He tells you as he sits in the chair in front of you, your emotions bubbling more under your skin as you sit there. “I just wanted one-night B.B., one night where I was Lil Birdie again. That I was myself again and having fun. “You thickly answer as you stare at your water, feeling your throat tighten. “I wanted one night where I wasn’t thinking about my heart ache, one night where I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself, or wondering why I’m not enough.”  You drunkenly admit, opening up to him as you felt your eyes begin to sting. You take another sip of water as you lean back into the couch. “You know what the fucked-up part is?” You ask him rhetorically as you lean your head back against the back of the couch. “That no matter how many men I danced with, eventually I’d start thinking about how despite it being what I wanted when I approached em’, that they weren’t Elvis.” You tell him as you stare up at the ceiling, unable to stop the tears welling up in your eyes as B.B. watched the scene with a kicked gut, while he was right to call someone for you, maybe he shouldn’t have called EP.

“Oh Birdie. I’m sorry your hurtin’ like this, but you can’t fix it by getting drunk and starting bar fights.” He tells you softly, attempting to lighten the mood slightly with his joke as he gets up to sit beside you. “All that’s gonna do is lead to more trouble and pain.” He tells you wisely as lift your head up, and seeing the friendly caring eyes of B.B. “I know, I know B.B. but I’m just so tired of feeling this hurt.” You brokenly admit as your mascara smears from your tears. “It’s been four months B.B. and I still feel the same since the moment he ripped my heart out of me.”  You confess as you lean your head against his shoulder, looking for any type of comfort. “I just don’t know what to do B.B., I can’t seem to move on from him.” You brokenly admit as he wraps a comforting arm around you, unknown to you that Elvis had just arrived outside the club, confused and worried over B.B.’s call still.

“I can’t escape him either, he haunts me everywhere.” You continue to tearfully admit as your mascara runs down your face. “He’s everywhere B.B.! I can’t listen to the radio, watch tv, or hell even walk downtown without seeing or hearing him!” You tearfully exclaim as he continues to try to comfort you, hoping you let it all out before EP gets here. Though a part of him wants EP to see this, while he was Elvis’s friend first, he grew to care for you like a little sister as he got to know you, and he didn’t like seeing you so hurt. As Elvis walks into the club, He waves at Sammy and quickly makes his way to the familiar office room when he sees Sammy throw his head toward that direction. “It’s hard to forget Elvis Presley when the whole world’s obsessed over his poison.” He hears you thickly say, the alcohol making your words start to slur some. As Elvis turns the corner, he feels his chest squeeze at the sight of you against B.B. with red eyes and smeared make-up.

While you were too into your feelings, and the alcohol dulling your senses some, you don’t hear Elvis’s steps. Unaware of the man at the doorway you continue to cry to B.B. , “Cause one thing this pain’s made me realize B.B. Is that he is poison. A slow one, but still deadly. “You start your drunken and heartbroken monologue, still unaware of Elvis at the door watching and listening to your every word. “He consumes you completely. He seeps into your mind, body, and soul with his sweet words and his false hopes. He makes you feel like you’re his only one, and you believe it. He makes you feel that all those songs were right about love, and he makes you believe love is true. He makes you believe that you are beautiful, and you believe that lie too.  The whole time you’re getting caught up in him, he’s rotting you from the inside out with all those pretty lies. “You cry to B.B. as he squeezes you closer to him as the sobs start to break free.

The whole time at the doorway Elvis felt his heart fall to pieces hearing your words and hearing the pure pain in your voice. Ironically, he never wanted to hurt you, but while you deserved the world, he could now give you with his career shooting off, you deserved to have someone there and not keeping you waiting; or at least that’s what he thought. Watching you shove your smeared face into B.B.’s shoulder and hearing your sobs, maybe his Mama was right, and he was a damned fool for letting you go. Though he's pulled out of his thoughts as he watched you lift your head up and finally see him. His heart feels like shattered glass when he sees your red pain-filled eyes glance at him, before drunken anger flashes through them.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You spit as you wipe your eyes, the sight of him not only hurting you more but also pissing you off in your drunken state. You pull yourself out of B.B.’s arms and slide to the corner of the couch as you shoot him a hurt and angry look while asking, “Did you call him? What you thought it’d be entertaining to get me to talk about how broken I am, just to break me more?” Your words eating away at both men as you hug yourself. “I thought you were being MY friend.” You spit at B.B. as he bites his lip and dips his head. “Lil birdie, I- “B.B. goes to say before you angrily interrupt him. “No, you let me cry my pain out to you, knowing that the cause of it was coming.” You spit as more hurt bubbles with your anger.

“Listen Y/N, don’t be mad at B.B., he was being your friend when he- “Elvis softly tries to tell you, trying to ignore the painful sting digging into his chest from the scene. “No! You don’t get to take up for him! You don’t get to come in and play hero like your Captain Fucking Marvel boy, when you’re the reason I’m like this!” You drunkenly yell at Elvis as you get up, tears sliding from your eyes again as the emotional storm buzzes through your veins with the alcohol. Stumbling you get up off the couch, as you look at Elvis with a fire in your eyes. All your pain from the last three months squeezing your chest and lighting an anger in you as you finally see the man you’ve cried yourself to sleep over for the past four months stand in your view. “If I knew you were just sickly-sweet poison instead of the sweet honey you presented yourself as, I would’ve never fucking said yes to going to that carnival. “You spit at him, your words hitting him like razors as he sees the pain behind the anger in your eyes.

“I would have never said yes, I would never feel the hole in my chest, and I would never made the biggest regret in my life. Loving you.” You continue to spit at Elvis as he stands, biting his plump lip as you shatter his heart more. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, you were supposed to have moved onto some other Jack that could be there and give you everything you deserve, he wasn’t supposed to see you and feel his bones ache with regret and guilt. His blue eyes watch as you stumble closer to him, and a small part of him thinks even with red puffy eyes and smeared mascara you still looked beautiful. “I don’t care if B.B. called you to get me, but I sure as hell ain’t leaving with you. “You angrily tell him as you stand in front of him at the door. Willing yourself not to think about how beautiful his eyes looked, or how nice his arms would feel around you instead of at his side. “Y/N, it’s drunk and it’s late. Just let me take you home, and you never have to see me again.” Elvis tells you after swallowing a lump, his deep voice thick with emotion as he stares at you, seeing the mess he’s made.

Despite your anger and hurt a small voice tells you that they’re right just go and end this horrible night and go back to the pity party that’s become your life again tomorrow. You ignore the voice and shake your head. “No, you don’t get to waltz in and out of my life like it’s easy just cause you’re Elvis Presley.” You spit at him as you look into his blue sad eyes. “I don’t care how late it is, or how drunk I am. I’m not getting in a car with you.” You tell him angrily as you try to push past him, biting your lip when you feel his large hand gently grasp your shoulder. His hand leaving a burning ache on your skin before you shrug it off you. “Don’t touch me.” You spit as his hand falls from your shoulder as you stare at the wall, refusing to turn back as the night finally starts to take its toll and wear you down. “I’ll find a taxi or walk home, either way I’m not getting in that car with you Elvis, and I mean it.” You spit as you try to hold onto your anger instead of letting your pain bubble over like it wants to. “I hate you Elvis Presley, and I wish I never met you.” You angerly spit the lie out to the man behind you before you start to drunkenly stalk across the floor and toward the exit, not looking back and missing the crushed look that appears on Elvis’s face as he watches you walk away.  As your words crush what was left of his heart, he watches you leave as tears blur his vision before you slip out of the doors. “What did I do B.B.? “Elvis brokenly asks as he watches the doors you just slipped out of, your words ringing in his head as B.B. quietly walks up behind him and comfortably pats his friend’s shoulder. “You broke two hearts it seems, and clipped Little Birdie’s wings.” B.B. tells him softly as he stares at the doors with him while you drunkenly walk the sidewalks home, hugging yourself as tears smear the mascara more down your face.

[moostaronce]

Uninterested

Request: Hey wassup may I request a Jinsoul x fem reader where the reader was super loving and caring in the relationship but they suddenly saw the "Let me introduce idols" ep 5 where Jinsoul said she likes someone who isn't really interested in her. This makes reader get hurt and act cold towards Jinsoul bc she's scared she'll leave her and Jinsoul gets confused. Angst and fluff please, thank you <3

Pairing: Jinsoul x Fem Reader

A/N I hope this is to your liking!

"Sol!"

You come bounding into your girlfriend's arms the moment you see her and she receives you with even more excitement. The usual ritual that the two of you fall into without fail. The massive hug you share is only matched by the passion in the kisses you share when you get to see each other. She doesn't complain when you come crashing into her full force or when you dote on her 24/7. In fact, Jinsoul surprises herself sometimes with how much she loves being loved by you so hard. Not once has she ever had to question your love for her, because you show it in everything you do.

When you pull back, it's just enough to look into her eyes, chin on her chest, and a smile on your face. The other BBC staff brought the girls a little late so you and the rest of the makeup and hair staff have to move quicker than usual. Luckily for you, there were only 6 out of the twelve girls today. Unfortunately for you that also meant you needed to cover 3 different faces in less time than usual, but you're a pro so it's all good. Today you came up with a plan of action to move quicker, today you were in charge of the unnie line in age order while your colleague covered Heejin, Hyejoo, and Yeojin.

"Hey to you too." Her smile gives you warmth as you completely pull away. Now that your moment was over, you put on your game face and looked around until you spotted Kahei.

"See you later babe, duty calls." You give her a pack on the cheek before making your way to a clearly tired Kahei and gently guiding her to your chair.

"Why are you two so grossly adorable?" Jinsol turns her head to see Hyejoo looking mildly disgusted before Sooyoung puts her in a headlock from behind.

"Oh don't be such a love hater Hyejoo. They're just the right amount of cute." Heejin comments before sitting in the other makeup artist's chair.

"Yeah, don't be like that to your unnie." Jinsol squishes her cheeks when Sooyoung lets her go with a flourish of laughter.

"Seriously though you guys can be a little gross, I think it's cute." Sooyoung comments.

She watches Jinsol look over at you with adoration. In her mind, there was just no reason for you to be so perfect for her. She constantly finds things to love about you like right now. The concentration that takes over your face and the sweet smile she can catch you giving her members while you do your damndest to make them look even better for the cameras, consistently reminds her of how deeply she loves you.

"She has no business being that pretty," Jinsol grumbles under her breath, but Sooyoung definitely hears it. She nudges her friend fondly and just goes off into a different conversation.

Time actually seems to fly by as you finish up Kahei, then Sooyoung. You and your co-worker go pretty much at the same pace so when Jinsol finally sits in your chair, Yeojin sits in hers at the same time. You don't speak to her right away, you just give her a small peck on the lips before you get started. Jinsol looks up at you and pouts, trying to guilt you into another kiss.

"What's the face for?" You stand back, head tilted to the side.

"You call that a kiss?" She reaches for your hips to bring you down on her lap but you gently smack her hands away with a serious expression.

"You'll get kisses after work. Right now I have a job to do so be a good girl and hold still." You turn to start grabbing the products you use for her and Jinsol has to resist the urge to protest because she knows you're right.

The entire time you do her makeup Jinsol's eyes hardly ever leave your face. Periodically, she'll pucker her lips in hopes of you giving in but you don't pay her any mind. She doesn't try to speak because of the look in your eye when she tries to flirt with you while you're working. When you finally finish and start to pack up your things Jinsol stands and pulls you into her arms. You never mind when she wants to display her affection for you, but the moment she tries to lean in you aren't having it.

"Jung Jinsol!" She startles back and loosens her grip on you just enough for you to duck out of her arms and glare at her. She looks at you dumbfounded.

"If you mess up my hard work before you even get on set, I'm not kissing you at all."

Your threat shakes her up just enough to have her sputtering but she doesn't have time to properly respond before they are called in for their interview. They have another event with the full group after this is over so you pack up your bags except for your pouch for touch-ups. For now, you just have to watch backstage with the other staff before it's time to meet up at the next location.

For the most part, you just sat and relaxed. The atmosphere was pretty chill until Jinsol said something that hurt your feelings.

"I think I like people who are not interested in me," Heejin speaks up.

"Oh, that's right!" Jinsol nods along.

"It's a little much when someone expresses interest first." Heejin continues.

"Right." You're a little shocked to see Jinsol nodding and responding in agreeance.

You've never heard her even allude to being overwhelmed by you, yet right now you're overthinking every move you've ever made. Was she just pretending to like you back this whole time? Or if not, will she grow tired of you? You shift uncomfortably in your seat and nonchalantly glance around.

No one else seems to notice your discomfort so you just sit quietly until it's time to go. When the members make their way back, you're all packed up and ready to go. Jinsol comes to you immediately, lips puckered and hands around your waist. When she leans in, all she's gets is your cheek.

Jinsol steps back and looks at you sideways but you're too busy grabbing your things to look at her.

"Baby? What's wrong?" Your girlfriend begins to worry when you don't answer or look at her. Her mind races as you leave for the next location with the other makeup artist.

"Baby?" She practically whimpers at you but you're already out of earshot. She turns around to see the others looking at her concerned. You couldn't really be mad about earlier right? She was only playing around but what else could you possibly be upset with her about?

"Maybe she's just not feeling well?" Yeojin chimes.

"Maybe." Jinsol doesn't know what else to say.

-------------------

When they arrive, you're already working on Chaewon. You're usually in charge of yyxy for ot12 events so Sooyoung and Hyejoo agree to try and figure out what's wrong with you. Jinsol on the other hand can't help the little feeling of jealousy growing inside of her while you giggle quietly with Chaewon. You hadn't even glanced her way when she came in but you looked up and smiled at Sooyoung and Hyejoo.

Deciding she had some time to spare before it was her to have her makeup redone, Jinsol slides up to you and asks what's wrong directly in your ear. You jump in surprise and turn your head only to realize just how close she is to your face. Seconds feel like minutes when you see her looking at your lips, and you almost kiss her. But then you remember your fears from earlier.

"Nothing, I'm fine." With that you turn back to Gowon, leaving Jinsol to pout at your side.

She leaves you alone for the rest of the day and is even more disheartened when Sooyoung and Hyejoo come back with nothing but shrugging shoulders. The hope that you'll be back to normal tomorrow stays with her but a week later and she's still confused. You never want to kiss or cuddle and when she tries you just avoid her. As a matter of fact, it feels like you're avoiding her period and it's making her upset.

It weighs on her mind until she can't take it anymore. She misses you and wants to understand how you're feeling so she calls you with a serious tone in her voice. It's not a request but a demand that you be home when she arrives at your apartment, so you are.

When she crosses the threshold you make no moves of intimacy towards her like you usually do and she huffs with frustration.

"Do you want to break up?" It's not the speech she had practiced and planned, in fact, it breaks her heart to even say. Her voice cracks but it seems to snap you out of whatever you were under.

"What? No!" Panic sets in so deeply, you feel it in your bones.

"Then why are you acting so weird Y/n? You just seem so uninterested lately." She gets worried when she sees the tears building in your eyes and the sniffles you let out.

"But I thought that's what you wanted. You said you like people that aren't interested in you, so I thought you might be getting tired of me."

At first, she's confused. When had she ever said that? It's clear that she said it because you look so sad just thinking about it. Then she thinks back to the first day you began acting differently and things start clicking into place.

"I didn't mean anything by that! I was just agreeing with Heekie because I know that's how she feels." Jinsol begins slowly closing the rather large gap of space you put between you. She moves as calmly as possible to give you time to back up if you want to, but she's really not sure her heart could take that.

"I love you and how you treat me. You have no idea how good it makes me feel when you get excited to see me. I love that you always want to show me love just like I do for you."

As she speaks and walks your head hangs low while tears spill silently down your beautiful face. When she's so close that her feet are right in front of your, Jinsol wraps you in her arms. It takes you a moment to reciprocate but you do. The hug you give back is so tight that it lets your girlfriend know very clearly how much you missed her. You're so warm that it brings tears to her eyes and soon she's crying with you.

"Please don't do this again. I thought you fell out of love with me." Jinsol's words were followed up with a gut-wrenching sobbing sound that made your own tears fall that much faster.

"I won't. I'm sorry baby." You whisper to her.

You continue to hold each other until you have just enough strength to lay down together on your futon. Jinsol is usually the big spoon but it was clear she needed to be held, so that's what you did. Before either of you know it, you're both knocked out. You're only awakened hours later by the call from Loona for Sol to come back to the dorm.

[kinnsporsche]

i was so ready for the pool scene but I got this episode instead :/ I don’t even know what to say. is kinn really this stupid?? falling for tawan’s lies again? tell me he’s not this stupid. I honestly don’t know what to think. I’ve seen some people theorize that he believes Porsche is innocent and he’ just acting like he’s falling for it but idk I would like to believe this theory but I feel like he genuinely doesn’t trust Porsche. which is so absurd?? he literally didn’t do anything? 1/8

why would eavesdropping on t prove he’s a mole? I seriously dont understand. god his facial expressions when k said to lock him up. the way he was confused at first and rightfully so like he just wanted to help?? and the second time he tried to reason with him because this is nonsense and how does k not see it?? by the third time he just completely gives up and it’s so heartbreaking. apo’s acting was so good in this scene I can’t even put into words the multitude of emotions he goes through. and at the end when he thought k was coming to get him and said ‘I knew you’d trust me’ GOD the angst in this show.I swear to god tankhun is the only one with the braincells in this show.he likes to act “crazy” but he’s far from it. everyone can see from a mile away that tawan is lying. I cannot believe that kinn can’t. when he said he’ll clear things up with p that gave me hope. he must be acting like he’s falling for tawan’s lies right? this is all part of his plan to catch him. there’s only a few episodes left it wouldn’t make sense if k still didn’t fully trust him. but in that shoot-out scene from the mv p says Im on your side so like? its still not clear? p still has to convince him? vikki I’m genuinely losing my mind over these gays. okay the things I loved: THE MILK!! metaphor of the damn century. out of all the things they could have chosen for this they chose milk.. I love that for them. and kimchay!! after the last ep I was ready for angst but we got a kiss. they are so cute idk what happens to them in the novel but I hope they get a happy ending in this. although I’m sure some shit is about to go down first. and vegas my boy. idk how you feel about him but personally I’m a weak hoe. I see a sexy villain and I simply have to simp for him. I’ve been dying to see some vegaspete and it’s finally happening!! I know about some stuff he does in the novel but I have no idea what they’ll do in the show and it’s just so exciting. will he genuinely like pete or just use him? I’m dying to find out. and he’s so good at playing Porsche. I mean it’s good to watch but p is not falling for it at all. after that pool scene part of me is convinced this is all just an act and he doesn’t give a fuck about p but another part of me is like what if he was just planning on using him against kinn but started to genuinely like him at some point?? I really don’t know. I mean he’s probably just using him but still I like to be a little delulu and imagine things. and the ending?? run away with me Porsche?? I was screaming!!! there’s no way p would go with him but the possibility of p tricking vegas and using him to get out of jail? chefs kiss. so yeah I think I’ve screamed about everything I wanted. I make theories in my head what could happen next episode but I’m always wrong lmao. and I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing better now and everything is well i'm genuinley so thankful that i can come here and talk about kp with you

my kp anon!!!!!

the way we were baited with that pool scene 💀💀 and during the first week of pride month? kp cancelled for being homophobic against me personally actually. the way i was watching the timer tick down the whole episode like "oh boy haha 30 minutes left i wonder when the pool scene will happen. oh boy only 15 minutes now................haha only five more minutes guys..........." im not a clown im the whole circus

i genuinley don't think kinn trusts tawan in the slightest but im a kinn defender at heart. kinn knows that tawan never loved him, he made that clear at the end of episode 8 during that conversation with porsche when he crumpled up his picture. kinn is very much aware of the fact that he was in love with tawan, but tawan used him and played him and was never in love with him. i think it's easy for us to sit here and say that porsche hasn't done anything but we have the benefit of hindsight we know what he was doing when he bugged tawan's room, kinn doesn't. from his perspective it just looks like porsche was spying on him and following him around without permission, and that scene with vegas by the pool probably didn't help either since he thinks the information is being passed along to the minor family of course everything starts to look kinda sus.

there are a few emotions kinn doesn't deal well with, two of the big ones being jealousy and betrayal. it's less about him not trusting porsche (because he does trust him imo, just in his own way. why else would he continiously let himself be alone around porsche, let himself be vulnerable around porsche, if he didn't trust him ykwim?) and more about him not trusting himself and his emotions. he was burned so visciously by tawan and he has genuine trauma from it that i think a lot of people don't want to see, it's not as easy as telling kinn to just get over it now he has porsche, he has a lot of trust issues and when you couple that with his identity crisis his actions start to make a lot more sense.

the "i knew you'd trust me" genuinley broke a little piece of my soul because kinn does trust him!! and porsche has enough faith in him to know that he does!! again it all comes right back to the fact that these two have problems with communicating their emotions - they have sex and they think it solves the majority of their problems but it doesn't.

i swear to god i've rewatched the trailer at least 12 times this week to try and piece all the scenes we haven't got yet together. where does the scene with his uncle and the "you shagged him for this" come in, why are they laughing together at the back of yok's bar, when is kim going to beat the shit out of someone i need answers five episodes is not enough time for all the answers that i need!!!!! and we still have to get that scene of porchay crying when he's looking at his phone kimchay is gonna go up in flames soon i know it is and im not prepared to see him cry

listen bible is SO pretty but i want to spin vegas' jaw right now like im gonna feel bad about bruising all his pretty but im still gonna DO it get a job stay away from porsche. i heard that they toned a lot of the vegaspete arc down from the novel which im obviously happy about because oh boy...... vegaspete novel arc is just not it babes novel vegas im sharpening my knives as we speak

my kp anon my beloved im always here for u to scream at i love getting your asks sm!!! throughout the week when im thinking of my reply im just thinking of the meta i should write out honestly u give me braincells and i

[bleulone]

Can we talk about about how Colin looked in ep 1 when he first saw Marina compared to how he looked when he saw Pen in ep 8. Almost the exact same look! Of course his look to Penelope is probably more about his guilt because he brushed her off when she tried to warn him but still..progress! Lol and then when he's getting ready to leave for Greece, he glanced towards Penelope's home. I think they're having Colin's feelings for her grow gradually in the show instead of all of a sudden like in the books.

Hey! Thank you for this insightful ask of yours :) Sorry for the late answer, I took a long time to write this— without further ado, here we go!

Indeed, Polin is first and foremost a story of gazes, those gazes being of many natures. Whether they are love ones, friendly ones, admirative ones or lustful ones, looking imposes itself to be a huge parameter in Penelope and Colin’s love story.

In order to understand that on screen, film-making has at its disposal a very rich and smart langage of its own. Sometimes, comparision helps to underlines the differences between one character’s relationship with person A mirorring person B. I feel like Shondaland and Chris Van Dussen wanted to introduce the audience to the evolution of our Bridgerton men’s perception of Love. For instance, while Anthony views attachement— to Siena— as a way to escape his responsibilities before becoming his villain (...until our queen ma’am Kate Sheffield comes to the picture), Benedict doesn’t comprehend this universal concept and prefers to enjoy the many physical pleasures life can offer. In other words, the older brothers already explored their sexuality here and there, making them the infamous rakes that they are. As for Colin, it’s a complete other thing.

Colin is young. Very young. At 21, he’s just left Eton College and barely knows anything of the world nor women. Like Anthony said in 1x06, Colin hasn’t been taken to brothels which is a very important step in the building of young men’s sentimental and sexual education during that time period. Since he missed this essential step, our sweet/immature boy has no clue about how to deal sagaciously with his feelings and his “foolish” impulses, baring his naivety. At this point of the story, we can easily come to the conclusion that Colin is a virgin who can’t drive XD. He’s just a child overcame by his passions, a hopelessly romantic who rushes things without taking the time to properly court or know his significant other. And his off-screen flirtation with those supposed numerous girls in London isn’t of any help to justify his (oh so little) experience. So when he sees Marina, he’s so struck by her... mainly by her alluring appearance. And he doesn’t seem to let his eyes nor mind go beyond her exquisite beauty.

In this perspective, the whole Colin/Marina storyline can be perceived as a parallelism to the Pen/Colin’s one. In 1x01, he is immediatley smitten with a dancing Miss Thompson, which happens to be ironically the same case with a 17 year-old Pen but with him. We got to see her, a few moments ago, dreamily looking at him from the back of the dancefloor (echoeing the episode where she fell madly in love with him after he fell off his horse at Hyde Park). She’s charmed by his dashing look and his kindness, yet she doesn’t seem to know anything else about him considering the rare conversations they share. Her burning gaze fits the original story from Julia Quinn’s books because in Romancing Mister Bridgerton, the 28 year-old spinster Penelope do realize later on that Colin is more than a good looking man : he’s a human who possesses a temper and flaws.

Either way, both of our boos are portrayed as hopelessly young people in love who childishly idealize the objects of their affection.

In 1x08, it’s the other way around. It’s Colin who sees Pen first, her who appears to wear the yellow dress’ lookalike from the pilot—what an interesting call back ^^. With his mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide open, we can catch sight of the timid spark of a change in his gaze : Colin Bridgerton notices Penelope Featherington. He‘s touched by the realization that she cares about him. It would be rather inappropriate of me to say that Colin is already in love with her. However, in the finale, I do believe that he’s more struck by her high level of deep care for him than her beauty.

We are thus able to spot two big differences in Colin’s relationship with women in this season : when his attraction to Marina was purely physical and rushed, his attraction with Penelope is more emotional and slow. And for now, he comes to cherish his special bond with her, especially after she tried to warn him of the dangerous trap he was about to fall into. Even if he just sees her as his younger sister’s best friend right now, Pen matters in his life. And it’s still a little yet important progress for sure.

Speaking of which, I agree with you that this look of awe as well as realization is mostly mixed up with guilt. Since he didn’t take into account her words, he felt the strong need to apologize. But bear in mind that guilt formulates a considerable part in Colin’s feelings for Pen... and it’s only the very beginning. In the future, he’ll blame himself for not seeing her as the beautiful goddess and siren that she is in the first place. He’ll blame himself for not reciprocating the feelings for her.... Though at the moment, due to his lack of experience with women, Colin is oblivious to Pen’s obvious signs of sorrow when he told her he’s leaving for Greece/Cyprus. Next time, he’ll detect her sadness and won’t let her go, I’m sure of it (if he doesn’t I’ll riot).

Furthermore, I’m so glad you brought up the scene where Colin glances at the Featherington house. I had the same thought as well. When you put this still and the one where Pen is crying while looking at her window side by side, it even seems like they’re looking at each other. In a way, it implicitly confirms Pen’s key role in his final decision... After all, she’s the one who inadvertently inspired him right ?

The act of traveling has always been seen as cathartic since leaving home to discover yourself allows you to heal your broken heart and soul. It’s natural for Colin to do this. To make his first real steps into the world. His choice is quite relatable more than it is essential for his arc in the series. I can’t wait for him to come back all changed, hot ^^ and mature. I think, like you said, they are planning on making him progressively falling in love with her. Colin’s feelings will gradually leave the platonic zone to explore and officially stay in the intimate zone throughout the seasons.

Overall, the Colin/Marina and Colin/Penelope parallel in s1 mostly helps viewers to compare the way Colin evolves from being a stubborn naive boy to a heartbroken young man who’s aware of his crutial need for Experience. His coming of age, just like Pen’s, has just begun. And they will surely lead to our boy changing himself into the true charming rake that he’s meant to be and our girl into a more confident woman. Consequently, I think their story won’t take 10 years but rather at the very least 5 years perhaps to fit the TV timeline. Once Polin will finally be able to discuss, we’ll hopefully get to see more interesting nuances and shades added to the portrait they painted of one another over the years. They’re indispensable to the slow build up of their emotions/attraction as well as the shattering of their childish idealization/perception of each other.

All in all, I’m so loving the fact that season 1 beautifully sets up the importance of the gaze in Polin’s love story. This first installment is like an expository scene of a play. It leaves a trail of clues and pieces of information here and there at the reach every viewers who can pick them up and analyze what can be the main themes which will determine one character’s story arc/romance. With Polin we have : admiration, wit, love and friendship, desillusionment. (I know they are more but it’s all I can think of rn lol).

If we’re already emotional messes just with the mere power of them looking at each other, imagine when they’ll actually talk and share real conversations. It’s going to be a long way to canon but luv me some good fluffy angsty steamy slow burn :) ✨ I hope this long of mine answers your ask ahah, even if I talked about many things other than just Polin’s looks. Also, sorry if you spot some grammatical mistakes, English is not my first language.

[d-criss-news]

1883magazine.com

Darren Criss

On his new EP ‘Masquerade,’ the multi-talented Darren Criss welcomes everyone to the party.

Throughout his career, Darren Criss has never been one to shy away from boundaries. As an actor, he has won numerous awards and critical acclaim for his portrayal of Andrew Cunanan in Ryan Murphy’s award-winning drama American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace, as well as hearts and a cult-like following for his portrayal of Harry Potter in Team Starkid’s A Very Potter Musical. As a musician, his talent shows the same range; he is as well known for his ability to belt a broadway ballad as he is for his covers of Top 40 hits on Glee.

For Criss, this is because all music is simply music. Musicians and listeners alike need not box themselves into certain genres and while this concept is currently growing in mainstream media, it is one Criss has known since he was a teenager. At Warped Tour, he encountered fellow San Franciscans Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, a punk-rock cover band that specializes in the unexpected (their most played track on Spotify is Country Roads.). Inspired by what he’s always known was possible, Darren’s career has had freedom most artists take years to explore — and with his new EP, it’s clear that is the most recent chapter.

‘Masquerade’ is an exploration into Criss’ more eclectic side with each track on the record representing a different persona or masque for the artist. The overt character-driven quality of the EP lends not only to allowing fans to learn more about Darren Criss, but also to create a project where something can be found for everyone.

1883 Magazine spoke to Darren Criss about his perception of genre, his new EP, and the curse of creative people.

Congratulations on ‘Masquerade’. I love it. It’s so fun!

Fun is a very fair adjective, I would agree.

I feel like there’s a very cohesive vision or aesthetic to it. When you set out to make the project, did you have this end goal in min  or were you just making music?

Yes and no. First and foremost, when you’re dealing with the whole of what an artist does, there are so many different facets that make the whole piece. To start, I’m just a songwriter — that’s the main thing that seeds everything else. But, because I’m a creative person, I’d like to think that I have a somewhat cohesive vision for my projects. However, you can conjecture and pontificate over what you want to happen, but ultimately a project is going to come out how it does. The thing that ties it all together, hopefully, is the artistry of the music or the person’s voice. When I heard you say “cohesive” my mind was like, “Phew!” Because we’re all scatterbrained people and we just constantly pray other people somehow think that we planned something or we had it envisioned all along, so to hear that is an enormous relief.

That being said, I had hope for how the EP would come together. I’ve been leaning into this notion of a character-driven song. The dirty secret about that is all songs are character-driven; all art is character-driven in some way or another. I just use that wording to aide folks that might be perceiving me as an actor and to apply that methodology to music.

How so?

I always thought it was a bit of an unfair double standard — where actors can be in a horror movie or romantic comedy — and we’re still behind that person as an actor. Actors can put on a prosthetic nose or a wig and do different things to service whatever story they’re doing. Historically music has been a little trickier, but now I think that’s changing. I’ve always been a self-proclaimed genrephile. I love so many different kinds of things. Growing up it was difficult for me to really assert this without confusing people. Now, that kaleidoscope has shifted in my favour, because people are more into eclecticism and musical diversity due to playlist culture and the whole homogeneity of everything. I’m employing this notion of being an actor and being behind a character and applying it to music by treating each song as its own kind of character. I want the art to correspond with that.

That’s an interesting concept to apply to music.

I know that everything I just said is horrifically more cerebral than it needs to be. If you like the music and it’s fun, great. I’m just trying to help people out that might be confused by perhaps some of the cognitive dissonance that’s happening between some of the styles. At the end of the day, it’s an artist’s voice, literal singing voice, and heart voice — what they have to say and how they say it — that tie everything together. People are more accepting of that than they used to be. This is exciting for me because I finally got to lean into something that I’ve always leaned into my entire life.

The last EP you released was ‘Homework’ in 2017. How do you think you’ve grown as an artist since then?

For me, obviously, there’s personal growth and professional growth. I think my growth is much more technical — getting better at recording music or being able to translate abstract ideas into physical recording — the things that I don’t think necessarily would be seen on the records. Again, much like an actor, ‘Homework’ was me playing the part of making a very low-key, singer/songwriter record. I’m a big believer in dressing for a party. I had some singer/songwriter songs that I wanted to honour. Each record I release shows a different version of myself that I haven’t gotten around to sharing.

The songs on ‘Masquerade’ are not like, “oh man in the past few years, I’ve suddenly become this person.” The EP was me finally getting in touch with my more Garage Band musician roots that I hadn’t been able to flex. It made sense to me to finally make this music. I had linked up with people that I thought could help me bring it to life in a way that hadn’t been done before and I felt like the timing was right. As I mentioned, it seemed like audiences might be a little more privy to this kind of thing.

I don’t want to be so stubborn as to think that there hasn’t been growth. I’ve been so lucky as an actor, that I’ve been busy as an actor. The only obstacle to me putting out more music, which I wish I was doing all the time, is time. I’m not an artist that just shows up, sings, and checks out. I’m writing, I’m producing, and I’m really in the weeds. It takes a great deal of investment, emotionally and mentally when I make music.

So, when you say, “you wish you were always releasing music,” do you mean to imply you have more music or at least ideas for more music?

I think the curse of creative people is that our ideas move faster than our bodies can execute. What this inevitably will create is a huge queue of unattended things that you will always be haunted by. From there, you have to catch as catch can. At any given moment, there’s still so much more in the queue that I want to put out. It literally took a global shutdown for me to finally have the time to look at the said queue, and say, “Okay, which project do I not only really want to do, but also do I have the resources to do and do I think fits into where I am right now?” Because I’m very cognisant of l where I am in my career. I have this huge selection of songs and when I have the time to focus on music, I go through and pick the ones I think fit where I am mentally and how I think other people are feeling.

With all these different genres of music you’ve released and all the music-centric projects that you’ve been a part of, is there a type of music that you enjoy performing the most?

I would say everything, but I don’t mean that in a way to just include everything. By nature, I’m a dot connector; I like shortening the distance between two things as much as possible and showing people how they can coexist. It’s my MO personally and professionally. Genre, while it has a lot to do with the cultural background and history of a type of music, is the boxes that we’ve arbitrarily made up to categorize and market music. I’m completely nondenominational when it comes to genre because all I can hear is chords, melody, and lyrics. It’s never been separated to me. When I’m performing live, I relish getting to lean in and bring together genres. I love using the setlist to show an audience how similar different genres are. For example, I’ll play a punk rock song and right after that I’ll sit at the piano and sing a ballad. My voice will be a little different, but it’s still my voice. Just like in acting, no matter what character an actor is portraying, it’s still their face and their body. Trying to minimize a distance between genres when I perform is an exciting prospect because I like getting audiences to rethink what they think they know about the differences between genre and how really at the end of the day it’s all just storytelling. So…I like performing it all.

I didn’t say you couldn’t say you liked everything. [Chuckles] That’s a perfectly acceptable answer.

I like putting all of it together specifically to show the similarities. Historically, all the great steps forward in a new kind of art form have been by mashing two or three seemingly unrelated things together. It’s happening constantly. It’s happening right now. Culture is a constant conversation back and forth. It’s a sharing of ideas that ebb and flow to create something new. I’m not saying that I’m taking part in this ancient conversation, but I’m certainly enjoying it. When I see pieces of it that I would like to showcase, I jump at the opportunity to do so.

Since ‘Masquerade’ has been in your creative bank for a while, what would you say inspired it?

Every song has its own inspiration. The album doesn’t really have an inspiration. If anything, I’m trying to make sure that I can show up for myself. I feel like with everything that I’ve done musically, I haven’t gotten to represent who and what I am and what I do. To me, this EP gets me closer to that goal. I still think that only a small percentage of me has been represented and that’s just because of time. I haven’t been able to focus on music in the way that I’d like, but ‘Masquerade’ is a huge stride for me.

Speaking of you being on Broadway, Elsie Fest is Sunday! On top of it just being exciting because it’s back, it’s your first public gig in almost two years. What did you miss most about the festival?

Listen, even without a global pandemic to worry about, putting on a music festival is hard enough. It’s one of my favourite times of the year because I’m very proud of what we’ve built and what we’ve continued to build and expand upon over the years. There’s been a community that has been built around not only people that come to the festival but people that have been part of it. I’ve followed these performers’ careers and I’ve been really grateful that we got a piece of their magic and got to be part of their journey at Elsie Fest. Magic which I can’t take credit for. I just lucked out with having incredible people perform. Over the years, we’ve had Cynthia Erivo perform twice. The first time she premiered a song called ‘You Will Be Found’ from a musical that would open in a year called ‘Dear Evan Hansen.’ We premiered a song from a movie called ‘The Greatest Showman.’ Keala Settle went on to win a Golden Globe for that song. Last year, we had a young girl from Disney sing for us — her name was Olivia Rodrigo. Those are just three examples. There’s been a lot of people that I’ve been thrilled to see do their thing. This year we have an incredible lineup. Barlow & Bear are coming, along with Jordan Fisher, Adrienne Warren, Pentatonix’s Kirstin Maldonado, and Alex Brightman. It’s gonna be great.

The obvious and the biggest answer is getting to perform live within as much of a safe and comfortable environment as humanly possible. Luckily we’re an outdoor festival, so that’s already to our advantage. I will be performing this new EP, but there is also a lot of music to catch up on and a lot of music I want to share. I’m mainly excited to share it with other human beings. I look at performing as a service industry. Everything that I do isn’t worth a whole lot unless other people experience it because it takes on a life of its own. The audience is not there for me & I’m there for them. I’m trying to service an experience that’s bigger than both of us and create something that couldn’t have been there if both parties were on their own.

Before I let you go, I need to tell you that Tramp Stamp Granny’s is one of my favourite bars in LA. I’m obsessed! I haven’t made it back yet. Like I said earlier, the editor Kelsey is also one of my best friends and when she comes, it’s top on my list of places to take her.

Really?! That makes me so happy. You couldn’t have said a better thing. We’re open again to limited capacity. We require vaccinations cards at the door and we’re only open Thursday-Saturday. Talk about being with people — the night we reopened, about a month ago, I got pretty emotional. It was nice to see people just being happy to sing and celebrate life with strangers. That was a really encouraging sentiment because despite the use of digital communication which I do think is an amazing thing, we, so clearly, inevitably, yearn for each other. Despite everything, people were coming to the bar and were so happy to be there and be around other people. Our need for other human beings is a constant that is extremely encouraging to me as a bleeding heart idealist. It’s nice to be a small part of that.

Finally, you said earlier Barlow and Bear were going to be at Elsie Fest. I cannot wait for the Unofficial Bridgerton Musical and was so excited to see you’re involved.

It’s cool meeting them because in a much more organized and impressive fashion they’re doing what my friends and I did ten years ago with ‘A Very Potter Musical.’ They are insanely talented and deserve to be the huge phenomenon they have become. They’re the future. I’m trying to grab onto their coattails however I can. [chuckles] They’re just getting started. I’ve been a big fan of Emily’s for a long time. She hates it when people say this, but [mock yells] she was a child prodigy and she still is. She’s an amazing human being.

Masquerade is out now.

Follow Darren Criss @darrencriss

Interview by Sydney Bolen

[leftonraed]

The Night We Met - Prologue

pairing : Taehyung x OC   genre : bodyguard!au, singleparent!au, idol!au   word count : 1.7k Prologue | ep.1 | ep.2 | ep.3 | ep.4 | ep.5 | ep.6 | ep.7 

The show was a great success. A chant of his name resonates in the huge stadium, crowded out as he’s bowing a second time to the thousands of lightsticks shaking in the darkness like fireflies dancing and set to burn down the starry night they composed.

Moved, he raises his arm to wave to those luminous spots so precious to him, making sure not to miss any while his heart is swelling with pure bliss and his throat grows tight. He reluctantly ends up walking towards the back of the stage and positions himself on a squared shape platform which slowly takes him down at the same time the lights dimmed one last time tonight.

Members of the crew who’ve been waiting for him begin surrounding him as soon as he steps off the small platform and heads to the dressing room. Signs of fatigue are showing but he doesn’t forget to give smiles and thank yous when they congratulate him while removing his microphone set, handing him a water bottle and wiping his sweat.

He blindly reaches the hall leading to his backstage room secured by a couple of bodyguards present, it isn’t his first time in this concert venue but he’s obliged to halt when he notices his manager staring back, displaying not the slightest sign of pride or gladness.

He picks up his march towards her with a hint of confusion. Her frowning is looking less threatening now that he’s a few inches from her but her body seems to tense when he reaches for the handle.

“What’s wrong?” He drops first, eying her back while she uncrosses her arms.

“There’s a woman inside with a child who’s been begging the whole staff to get to talk to you.”

“What?” Not quite the reception he was expecting from her to say the least.

Her brow twitches at his lighthearted tone. He instantly grasps she’s not messing with him and doing her best to keep her voice low. “If you have something to tell me, I suggest you do it now, Taehyung.”

“Hwiin, I-” He chuckles not believing what he’s hearing. His frowning deepens when she still doesn’t flinch. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I really don’t have the energy to argue right now. Did you talk to her?” He suggests, trying to reason.

“No, I don’t want to have anything to do with her.” She spits, offended. “How can you not- recall her when she clearly claims to know you?” She snaps gesturing towards the door. “Now’s not the time for a scandal of any type. Far too many people know about the issue she caused already.”

People are busy around them, coming and going to get everything cleaned up while they both seem stuck in this silent staring game. He remains awfully quiet, not having quite a clue as to what to say back to have her not doubting him or assuaging her and it makes her this close to losing it.

“Maybe we should go inside?” He offers in a soft voice, clueless about the reason she’s so adamant to stew over it. She rolls up her eyes while brushing past him to get inside the room first.

He barely has had the time to catch sight of the said woman that Hwiin reminds him of her presence and even more so of her annoyance.

His puzzlement is all the more unmistakable, especially after he’s noted the toddler’s likeness to someone close to him. His gaze returns to the female stranger. She surely isn’t past her mid-twenties. She looks lost and her eyes are filled with so much hopelessness, it becomes disturbing.

“Hi,” he smiles invitingly, not allowing any tension to build. “I’m Taehyung. I heard you were looking for me?”

She nods carefully, not moving an inch on the couch where she’s sitting as if not to hinder the child in her arms while looking back and forth between him and his manager’s dark look.

“How can I help you?”

“I-I’m sorry I disturbed you and caused so much trouble,” she eventually says. “But-,” she fetches for something in her bag at her feet and the little girl stirs in her slumber, revealing her face.

“Hina?” Taehyung feels his heartbeat picking up and any previous sign of fatigue that has seemed to gain him are now long forgotten at her sight. He walks closer to her.

Hwiin furrows her brows at his back. The woman displays relief upon hearing the girl’s name, satisfied to finally see one thing go right.

“Whe- where’re her parents?” His eyes can’t look away from her tiny face nestled against her chest.

The stranger opens her hand to show a piece of paper. “They went out earlier in the evening. They should have been home an hour ago. I was asked to call this number in case they wouldn’t answer their phone, and or go to these addresses.”

He takes it from her and Hwiin shortens the space between her and them to peek past his shoulder. There are his personal phone number, the concert venue and his penthouse addresses.

Her gaze moves to study the child’s face and her expression shifts to a worried one. After a few seconds, she looks up at him. “Who is she, Taehyung?”

The last bits of euphoria have vanished in the blink of an eye and left behind, instead, heavy presumptions.

“My niece,” he answers gravely.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The pleasant purring of the black range rover running is the sole disruption in the quietness of the empty streets. Inside, the drive back home is uncomfortably silent for Hwiin. She feels terrible about her outburst. She knows he’d never be angry with her for that. She still wants to apologize but everytime she glances in the rear-view mirror, Taehyung still looks lost in thought.

As much as Hwiin values family bonds, she’d rather do without. Everything has been going perfectly great for her artist and now it all seems uncertain. How could he combine a demanding career and a very young child? How is she supposed to support him? She’d never ask him directly to somehow resolve this issue because she knows what he’d do. If he were to choose between the two, he’d opt for his niece in a heartbeat as painful as that reality comes off. The past seven years they spent together wouldn’t stand a chance when it comes to Taehyung.

His stare is glued on the night scenery. He doesn’t know what to think. His life’s just been shaken up by the tiny being cradled in his arms. That woman, who claimed to be Hina’s babysitter, had resorted to him as her solution like her employer, his brother, had instructed her to. His heart which has just been full of sheer happiness and gratefulness is now weighed down by so many questions and an unsettling foreboding.

He feels his shirt bunching and being pulled on; he looks down, weary.

“Dad-dy...”

Prickly tears blur his vision at the innocent call Hina makes in her sleep, unaware. He tightens his hold around her as a way to comfort himself.

“We’re here,” his manager softly announces while turning the wheel in the building parking lot. She pulls over near the elevator. Taehyung does his best to open the door, grab his back while safely carrying his niece before getting out. Hwiin hurries to give him a hand only to be politely refused.

She observes him quietly with mixed feelings as he simply stands there, gently brushing the little girl’s strands out of her face. She’s never taken the time before imagining what he’d look like as a father. It hasn’t been part of her plan. His greasy hair falls in his eyes, hiding his face. The man facing her seems somewhat unfamiliar.

She feels guilt creeping within her chest. “Taehyung I-”

“Don’t bother coming here unless I say so,” he cuts off looking at her with a weak smile. “I think I need some time to sort it all out.”

“Of course,” she pauses, fleeing his gaze. He’s always trying to lighten up the mood, she thinks. “I was wondering if you’d need me up there.”

“Go home. You should rest.”

She pouts a little, she’s already got her hooks into him and she hasn’t even awakened yet. Taehyung rarely rejected her for anything in the past. She innately feels the need to argue but relinquishes. It’s different now, she accepts.

He’s appreciative of her comprehension. He doesn’t like telling her he prefers to be alone for now. He’ll need every bit of his energy.

“You know you just have to call.”

They quietly pull apart. He gets in the elevator and she starts the engine once the doors come together.

His mind is empty the whole time it takes for the elevator to bring him to his apartment. He drops his bag on the floor, biting his lip when a curse wants to slip out because of the noise it makes. He suddenly realizes he doesn’t have somewhere appropriate for her to sleep in. Taehyung naturally settles for his bedroom and wonders how he should arrange the beddings to make it as safe and comfortable as possible for a two year-old.

He manages to undo the sheets and grab a pillow with one hand before he gently lays her in. it’s a miracle she hasn’t woken up already. Standing still beside the bed, Taehyung stares at her in the darkness; he wants to do more when he’s done what is needed. He wonders whether he should get her nearer the middle of the mattress, he can’t think of anything to keep her from falling off.

After long minutes, he eventually thinks there’s nothing more left to do and leaves to shower. He lets the door open and makes it as quick as possible. He comes back to find her curled up on herself. It’s only once he’s under the sheets, right next to her side that he remembers his phone. The thought of joining the outside world again seems unappealing and he thinks it would only make him anxious.

He brings his focus back on Hina, blinking slowly until he gets pulled in a dreamless sleep as well.

////////////////////!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Feedback greatly appreciated :B  Reblog if you wish to read more

[19cb97]

CB's Room 🐺 Ep. 41

Genre: SMUT(ish?), Camboy!Chan

Warnings: shitty writing 100/10, dirty talk kinda, handjob, daddy kink debatable tho, mentions of a blowjob??? I don't know how warnings work sorry,,,

A/N: its SUNNYS BDAY HAPPY BDAY BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SORRRY I SUCK AT WRITING THOUGH @starrychannies MUAH

A/N 2: I tried to add the read more three times but my computer won't save the editions please bear with me until I wake up 🤩

A/N 3: hehe i fixed it

(I don't remember who owns the gif sorry sighs)

CB97 is now ONLINE.

"...and I guess that's how I ended up producing music." The boy finished his rant with a cute smile before biting his lip and moaning softly, the pace of his hand going down a little as he rolled his chair closer to the computer, trying to catch on another comment.

You see, for anyone who didn't know how "Chan's Room" worked, it would have been weird seeing the boy talk about his passion for ten minutes straight while jerking off, but for his loyal subscribers shows like this one were the most special. The feeling of intimacy between those who watched him and himself caused him a different kind of excitement.

"Hm... You guys have any more- ¿Am I coming soon? Nah, not yet, don't think so. Just edging at the moment. Anyway, ¿Have any more questions?". Chan had been live for about half an hour now, the head of his cock giving it away as it became redder and redder each minute that went through. "Doesn't it hurt?" some asked, and yes. Of course it hurt, "But that's just part of the fun" Chan would answer.

As much as he understood why some viewers wanted him to end already, it was not on his plans to do so... yet. He wanted to have some fun, maybe tease his subscribers before allowing everyone to cum with him.

Chan loved talking to his followers, anyway, be it about sex, life, space or whatever, and as long as there were no private questions about his personal life, he was fine with answering pretty much anything.

Reading through his comments, he answered a few he found fitting. "How big is it?" Someone said. Chan laughed and winked before answering "Come over and find out.". That way he went on a few minutes until a question caught his attention.

Chan's hand pressed around his cock a little harder, eliciting a moan to slip past his lips once he re read it.

"Wha- What's been my best sex experience...?" He read, stuttering slightly, as he bit his bottom lip, a shaky breath making its way out when his hand moved slower along his shaft. "Well... thats a good one..." The boy chuckled and rolled his chair back once again, letting his viewers have a full view of his naked body. "Uh... There was a girl back in the day... Man, she was one fo a kind..." A breathy laugh found it's way past the boy's lips and his hand halted its movements. "I don't know if I should tell you this... but I'll do anyway, so let's keep it a secret, yeah? Be good and keep this secret for me..." Chan said as a smile creeped onto his face. He took a deep breath before beginning his story.

"So, this girl, we'll just call her... Petal." The young boy gripped his dick from the base while his other hand started rubbing at the tip with his palm, a sigh resonating in the room right before he continued speaking.

"Petal was good, too good for her own sake. She always knew exactly which buttons to press and she had me mad crazy, head over heels for her." The boy bit his lip, his cock twitching in his hand at the memories. "My best experience was definitely with Petal. We were out supposed to just have dinner, yknow? Haven't seen each other in a while... But then I feel how she's touching my leg under the table, and a second later she's also under it undoing my pants..." Chan sighed again, his fist now focusing on the head of his dick as his story went on. "Just imagine, there I was trying to keep my cool, ordering the food, while my babygirl was under the table sucking me off. She was usually really well behaved, and I never found out what went through her head that night, but it was great. Not long after I took her with me to the bathroom and fucked the audacity out of her, if course, I had her bend over all prettily for me, we almost got caught, even... Fuck, she was just stunning. That night was out of this world, guys... Out of this world..."

A loud moan made it past the boys lips, just recalling that night was enough to help him end most times and right now wasn't the exception. Resting his whole weight on the backrest of the chair, Chan's grip tightened around his hard cock and he started jerking off again, while his now free hand started playing softly on his balls. His closed eyes and slightly parted lips making him look angelic, contrary to what the rest of his body gave away. His hair was all messy, some locks already sticking to his forehead due to the sweat, and his cheeks were flushed a pretty red alongside his ears, chest and dick.

It was a sight to behold, and his viewers didn't hold back on letting him know this.

"Daddy looks so pretty" said some, "I can see you throbbing!" said others.

His laborated breathing gave away just how close to release he was as his hand started moving as fast as possible. Rolling a little closer to his computer as to give his viewers a better look, Chan spoke again.

"Fuck angel, daddy's gonna cum so good... So so good..." He finally opened his eyes again looking directly at the camera, a silent reminder of who was in charge "Am gonna cum for you and you're going to take it as the good dirty slut you are. You're gonna take all of it and thank me for it, is that clear? Now cum with me baby, let go..." He spoke sternly but agitated, and after just a few more seconds the boy's hand and chest was painted on white stripes.

Everything went quiet for a second, and then plenty of "Thank you's" and tips started rolling into the chat.

Chan smiled as he watched his computer screen and whirled slightly on his chair. After a few more minutes, he finally said his good byes, and with a last thank you, ended his live.

CB97 is now OFFLINE.

[aquaquadrant]

the little things

Kenji’s mouth is dry. “Ben…?” he croaks out.

Ben swallows. “Oh,” he says, in a very small voice. “It’s you.”

~*~

Ben’s been reunited with the other campers, and seems to have come out the other end of his experience stronger than ever before. But as he slowly finds his place back within the group, a bigger picture starts to emerge, piece by piece.

Rated T for: mental illness, mild language, panic attacks, PTSD, anxiety, insomnia, eating disorder (not in a traditional sense, but definitely not a healthy relationship with food)

A/N: Hey Camp Cretaceous fandom, y’all mind if I uhhhh write six-thousand words about Ben’s trauma?? Basically, Netflix kept recommending the show to me so I watched the first ep out of curiosity and then ended up binging the whole thing in like two days, and now here I am.

(Dear sweet, patient, regular readers of mine: I’m so sorry my main fic’s been delayed but I promise it’s getting updated next week, I just had to get some feelings out about Sad Dino Boy)

Hope you enjoy, please reblog and leave a comment if you do! - Aqua

Click here to read on A03 (with more complete tags)

~*~

the little things

~*~ 

Ben Pincus has returned from the dead, and he’s never been better.

The other campers are amazed. What he’s been through must have been horrible. He thought he was the only one left, that there was no one to help him and no hope of rescue because he was presumed dead. It would’ve been enough to drive anyone into despair, or off of the deep end.

But Ben shows no signs of this.

They didn’t find him holed up somewhere, near starvation and waiting to die, like one might’ve expected. They didn’t find him at all, really. He found them, and by coming to their rescue, no less. And when he did, he wasn’t a trembling mess, he wasn’t a half-mad ball of paranoia, and he wasn’t a hollow-eyed skeleton fueled solely by desperation. 

He’s an all new and improved Ben, the best version of himself.

He hasn’t just survived, he’s flourished. He’s brave, he’s confident, he’s capable. He gives his opinions freely and without second-guessing himself, suggesting things the old Ben would’ve recoiled at. He fits seamlessly into the team like he never left. He faces problems head-on with determination and grit and not a trace of fear.

The turnaround is unbelievable. But even more important is that while he’s a new and improved Ben, he’s retained all the best parts of his old self.

Ben is easy smiles and meticulous organization of a leather waist bag and doting affection for a four-ton armored lizard. He’s sensitive and soft-spoken and accepts hugs from his friends gratefully. He still can’t quite pull off coolness, with a voice that sounds as gangly as his limbs look and an awkwardness he hasn’t grown out of.

And it’s perhaps because of this that no one thinks to look closer. This image is an easy thing to accept because it’s what they all want to believe, that Ben is okay- in fact, better than okay. But the truth is not always big and obvious upon first glance.

It’s the little things, as they soon find out.

~*~

That first evening after Ben’s return, after Mitch and Tiff and everything else, they don’t eat dinner.

They all ate their fill at the campsite and, after a month of scarcity, it was more than enough to sate their appetites. It’s Darius who thinks to ask Ben if he’s hungry, remembering that the boy hadn’t had the chance to eat with them. They have a good stockpile of food at the moment and he figures Ben must’ve been struggling.

But Ben shakes his head with an easy smile, and says, “Nah, I ate earlier.”

Darius leaves it at that, because there’s still so much catching up to do. They show Ben around their clubhouse, make plans for where to build a bunk for him (he insists he’d be just fine sleeping on the ground next to Bumpy, but they all veto that immediately). They talk well into the night about the day’s crazy events, filling each other in on their own sides of the story, and everything that’s happened since Ben got separated.

There are some more tears, some more hugs. But ultimately, the mood in the clubhouse is ecstatic. They never thought Ben had survived the fall so to have him back is better than a dream come true, it’s a miracle.

Darius thought he knew what it was to experience a miracle when they first saw that bonfire smoke on the horizon. But if he had to chose between the miracle of them finally leaving the island or the miracle of getting Ben back, it’s not even a competition.

Eventually the exhaustion catches up with everyone, and they turn in for the night. Bumpy parks herself underneath the clubhouse, her presence incredibly reassuring. Ben ends up sharing Kenji’s bunk because it’s bigger than Darius’s even when occupied by two, and the older teen had insisted in a very faux-casual way, to which Ben had rolled his eyes but nonetheless seemed touched by the gesture.

Darius takes the first night watch shift and gets to see all his friends sleeping peacefully. And even though Tiff sailed away with their only means for escaping, he feels a lot more hopeful than he has in a long time.

~*~

It’s canned peaches for breakfast.

A far cry from yesterday’s buffet. But no one’s complaining because the meticulous rationing of their food, courtesy of Darius, means they’re all starving by meal time and couldn’t care less what it tastes like. Darius is in the process of separating the food out into bowls, half a can for each of them, when he realizes Ben has yet to take a seat. He’s lingering at the edge of the room, watching.

“Hey,” Darius calls, “you coming or what?”

Ben shakes his head. “Thanks, but I already got my own breakfast.”

Before Darius can respond, Brooklynn shoots Ben a look. “What? Where?” she demands. “You holding out on us, jungle boy?”

Darius shoots her a look, but Ben just gives an easy smile and unzips the leather pouch that’s reclaimed its spot around his waist. He withdraws a small handful of bright red berries, no bigger than blueberries. It’s not even a fraction of the half-can of peaches the rest of them are settling for, and Darius sees his own unease reflected in the others’ eyes.

Brooklynn glances away. “Oh. Um, sorry. You don’t… you can have some of ours, you know?”

“I’m good.” Ben tosses a couple berries into his mouth. “You guys go ahead, I’m gonna go check on Bumpy.”

“O- oh, okay…” Sammy murmurs, watching Ben go with uncertain eyes. “If you’re sure…”

They’re silent for a moment.

Kenji inhales quietly through his teeth. “So… that’s weird, right?”

Yaz leans forward in her seat. “What do you think, Darius?” she asks lowly.

Darius bites his lip. Even though dinosaurs are his specific topic of interest, he’s gained a lot of second-hand knowledge about general biology and psychology. After all, he has to understand the processes behind behavior in order to identify patterns and deviations.

And right now, he has to admit that Ben is displaying a very concerning behavior.

“I’ll talk to him,” Darius decides.

There’s a collective sigh of relief around the table, and the others start eating. It takes Darius longer than usual to finish his serving.

~*~

“So, uh, bottom line is… you don’t need to feel bad about eating our food. You’re as much a part of this group as anyone else, and we’re happy to share.”

After a couple tense days, Darius is finally talking to Ben about the food situation. Or rather, talking at him. Because Ben’s not looking at Darius- his eyes are tracking the small spider that’s crawling along the railing next to them. Normally, Darius would take it as a sign of boredom and inattentiveness. But there’s an intensity in Ben’s eye that’s a little unsettling-

Quick as a flash, Ben shoots out an arm. He crushes the spider under his thumb and swipes it into his mouth. And then, untroubled as can be, he returns his focus to Darius as if nothing had happened.

Darius has overheard Kenji teasing Ben about eating bugs, and Ben has admitted as much in the stories of his time alone. Berries and grubs were what he lived on. Darius, for one, can’t imagine being hungry and desperate enough to snatch a bug off the ground and eat it.

But it’s even harder to imagine having access to real food, good food, and still choosing to eat bugs.

“Don’t worry so much,” Ben says lightly, patting Darius on the shoulder as he turns to go. “I can take care of myself.”

That does it. “You can’t keep living off berries and grubs!” Darius finally snaps.

Ben whirls around. “Says who?”

“Basic human biology!” Darius retorts.

Ben glares at him, but there’s something shaky behind it. “Darius, I told you it’s fine,” he says evenly, though he doesn’t fully meet Darius’s gaze. “Don’t make a big deal out of it. Please? If I’m hungry, I’ll eat.”

Darius hesitates. “You promise?”

Ben breaks into an easy smile. “I promise.”

Darius sighs. It’ll have to be good enough, for now.

“Okay.”

~*~

Darius knows he isn’t the only one still concerned by Ben’s lack of appetite.

Right from the start, Ben was the scrawniest one among them, and it’s only gotten worse. But surely he’ll have to eat at some point, right? Basic survival instincts will win out over whatever stubborn mindset is holding him back. Plus, it’s clear that he’s got enough energy to run and climb and stuff with no problem.

Maybe it’s not as serious as Darius thinks. Maybe Ben just needs time.

~*~

Ben doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.

He just- he can’t take their food! Why don’t they get that?

And it’s not because he’s stubborn, it’s not- no matter what Darius thinks. There’s nothing wrong with letting others help you (as long as you don’t let it make you soft, of course). After all, he relies on Bumpy. He just… when he looks at the food, and imagines eating it, he just knows it’ll sit in his stomach. Like a rock, weighing him down.

Plus, plus, if he gets used to eating like that, it’ll just- it’ll be harder to cope once it runs out. He’s already gotten used to roughing it and it was hard enough the first time, he can’t let himself slip back into complacency. And- and really, how long do they think it’s going to last? They’ve searched all the previously inhabited areas of the island and there’s no more food for them to scavenge.

Do they think they’ll be rescued before it runs out? No one is coming to save them. They know it as much as Ben does- they wouldn’t be bothering with rafts if they didn’t. Do they think they’ll escape, then? Sure, because their current attempts have been going so well.

No, they just aren’t thinking long term. Ben is.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

~*~

It’s the sixth day in a row where Ben eats nothing but berries.

He wants to search around some more, see if there’s anything more substantial. That would require him to leave Bumpy, though. And he can’t leave Bumpy. But the hunger is excruciating. It gnaws at him every waking moment, keeps him up at night. He’s never felt such hunger in his life, not even close. He can’t keep going like this, can he?

But there’s nothing else.

Except… something’s crawling up his arm. Something small, and leggy. Ben turns his head, squinting to focus his eyes in the dark. It’s some kind of beetle, with a shiny shell that catches stray shafts of moonlight poking through the roof of his lean-to.

Ben stares at it for a moment. Then, before he can think, he snatches it up and pops it into his mouth. He barely registers any taste, mostly just the crunchy texture. And even though it wasn’t any bigger than a quarter, after he swallows, he feels… fuller. Even if it’s purely imagined, it’s a comfort.

Berries and grubs. It’ll have to be enough.

There’s nothing else.

~*~

Ben continues to decline their offers of food.

~*~

A few weeks after the reunion, Kenji is starting to get antsy.

As the self-designated ‘pro-fun police’ (a clever play on ‘no-fun police,’ if Kenji does say so himself), he’s made it his responsibility to make sure none of his friends just keel over and die from stress one day. That means it’s his job- no, his duty- to lighten the mood with copious amounts of joking, goofing off, and, of course, pranking.

Jumping out to scare his friends while they’re trapped on a dino-infested island might, on paper, sound like a bad idea. But it keeps everyone on their toes, and the relief of realizing they aren’t facing a dino attack, just Kenji pulling a prank, helps keep any real anger at bay. It’s typically an exasperated annoyance, which Kenji will gladly take. His main targets are Brooklynn and Darius, because he can’t fathom doing that to Sammy, and Yaz is- while perhaps in the most need of lightening up- super freaking scary.

But now that Ben’s back, Kenji knows what he has to do.

Before, back when they were just campers and not survivors, Ben was easily the most frightened of them. The kid was scared of dirt. And his over-the-top hysterics always managed to, somehow, put everyone else at ease. Because if Ben was scared of something, that didn’t really mean anything. Again; scared of dirt.

(Now, if Yaz is scared of something, that’s a different story).

Since Ben’s, uh… departure, they’ve been sorely lacking that energy in the group. Kenji would wager he’s not the only one who misses it. He used to have so much fun riling Ben up with just a couple words (none of the others are so easily baited). And whenever Ben would freak out and instantly cling to him, like some kind of scrawny spider monkey, it made Kenji feel… capable, in a way.

Like, if Ben was trusting Kenji to protect him, maybe he wasn’t so useless after all (which was becoming an all too frequent feeling as the others continued to adapt and grow, leaving Kenji struggling to keep up).

Problem is, Ben’s really hard to scare now.

It’s not always obvious, like when he’s bragging about taking down Toro or itching to blow things up. Sometimes it’s the little things. Whenever they’re out in a group, foraging or gathering supplies, and there’s a sound in the distance that makes them all freeze, Ben’s frozen in readiness, not fear. He looks more like Yaz, tense and waiting with his fists up and eyes narrowed.

Sometimes, when they aren’t occupied by any particular task or imminent threat, and have the chance to enjoy some downtime, Ben drifts off to the side and just… watches, all tense, silent, and anxious. He’ll watch the tree line, or Bumpy on the ground below, or even just the rest of them as they go about their business. Kenji is sure he’s not the only one who’s noticed but none of them bring it up.

It’s… unsettling, seeing Ben like this. Kenji figured he just needed a couple weeks to fall back into the rhythm of the group, to see that he didn’t have to be this loner Rambo type of guy anymore. But even though he talks with them easy enough, seems to enjoy their company, and has a good handle on teamwork, it’s like there’s a part of him that can’t fully shake that mentality.

At least, not without help.

~*~

 Kenji’s plan is- in his humble opinion- pretty dang brilliant.

He waits for a time when it’s just him and Ben in the main level of the clubhouse (Yaz is running laps around their perimeter, Darius is in his bunk writing in his nerd book, Brooklynn and Sammy are upstairs going over inventory) and then announces he’s going for a shower. His daily showers are common knowledge at this point, so Ben just nods in acknowledgement and goes back to leaning against the railing, watching Bumpy graze down below in that tense-silent-anxious way of his.

Kenji sets up the shower and lets it run (he’ll go down to the river later and get more water to make up for the waste, because even though he tries to avoid manual labor whenever possible, it’s totally worth it in this case). And then, being more careful and silent than he’s ever been (except maybe in cases where he’s being hunted by dinos), he slowly creeps up behind Ben before leaping forward with a shriek, grabbing him by the shoulders.

Ben doesn’t just jump and scream. He jumps, screams, then spins around and swings a fist into Kenji’s jaw in one smooth motion.

Kenji’s laughing even as he staggers back, his jaw stinging (because at the end of the day, even though Ben’s kind of a badass now, he’s still Ben and his arms are pretty much chicken wings so there’s no real harm done, just a bruise at most). Plus that’s a valid reaction, considering everything, and he can’t say he didn’t deserve it.

“Oh man, I totally got you!” Kenji says anyways, to rub it in. “You should see your… face...”

And Kenji trails off because now he’s seeing Ben’s face.

What Kenji expected is this:

Once Ben realized it was just him pulling a prank, he would get mad. In that totally non-threatening dorky Ben way, where he scrunches his nose and puffs out his cheeks, his little fists clenched at his side like an irate toddler. Maybe he’d stomp off but it’d be worth it because being mad is better than being tense-silent-anxious and it’d give him the chance to be annoyed with Kenji. And maybe Ben being annoyed with Kenji would help everything feel a little more normal, a little more like before.

What Kenji gets is this:

Once Ben realizes it was just him pulling a prank, he doesn’t get mad. He starts shaking. Violently, uncontrollably. Like he’s suddenly come down with hypothermia despite being in a tropical jungle, staring at Kenji all the while and not saying a word. His chest rises and falls rapidly in little panicky breaths and the kind of fear in his eyes isn’t the kind that’s funny. It’s glassy-eyed with shrunken pupils that dart around Kenji’s face, frightened and searching, as if he isn’t fully seeing it.

Kenji’s mouth is dry. “Ben…?” he croaks out.

Ben swallows. “Oh,” he says, in a very small voice. “It’s you.”

Kenji hasn’t heard Ben’s voice sound that small since before, and it doesn’t feel like a victory.

By now, of course, the others have noticed the commotion and it doesn’t take more than a second for them to piece together what happened. Yaz rounds on Kenji with a furious snarl and whisper-screams a lecture about how stupid and irresponsible he is. Darius is immediately trying to mediate the situation while Sammy frantically asks Ben if he’s okay, to which he doesn’t respond. Brooklynn steps in, citing an unboxing video about dealing with shock, and when she goes to put a hand on Ben’s shoulder, he lets her.

And now Kenji realizes where he miscalculated. Ben never showed discomfort with physical contact before because he’d never been surprised by it before (because Ben has gotten scary good at being alert, always keeping an eye and an ear out on his surroundings even in the middle of a conversation). And when it came to his friends, it wasn’t unexpected for Sammy to rush in with a hug or Darius to pat his shoulder or Brooklynn to playfully knock elbows.

But Kenji snuck up on him, so Ben’s first thought wasn’t that it was a friend. It was that he was going to have to run for his life, like he has countless times since being stranded on this island.

Kenji apologizes over and over again as Darius gently leads him away by the elbow and Brooklynn talks to Ben in low tones while Sammy squeezes his hand and Yaz takes up a lookout position because they can’t afford for all of them to be distracted even though she occasionally cuts a glare at Kenji out of the corner of her eye so it’s really debatable how vigilant she’s actually being.

Throughout it all, Ben doesn’t get mad, but he doesn’t stop shaking.

 ~*~

 Darius explains it, later.

“The sudden fear reaction signaled a bunch of adrenaline to be released into his bloodstream, to give him the energy needed for running. And then, when he didn’t, there was nowhere for that energy to go. It’s like, even though his mind knew there wasn’t any danger, his body wasn’t convinced.” Then, a sympathetic look. “You didn’t know, man.”

Kenji only nods. But knowing doesn’t make it better because even though Ben’s stopped shaking he doesn’t turn his back on Kenji anymore and somehow that’s a million times worse than if he’d gotten mad.

 ~*~

 There are claws wrapped around Ben’s shoulders and shrieks in his ears.

Wind whips his face and his stomach lurches as he’s carried through the air, weightless, at the mercy of the Pteranodon. He’s never felt so small and utterly helpless before, not once in his life. Even his screams aren’t big enough to carry, snatched away by the wind and deafened by the roars of the terror-birds fighting over the right to tear him limb from limb.

And then he’s falling and has other things to worry about.

 ~*~

 Ben stops sharing Kenji’s bunk.

 ~*~

 In a rare moment of downtime, Yasmina is curled up with Darius’s field guide, adding a few more illustrations, when she feels Ben staring at her.

It’s not the first time she’s felt him staring at her. It is the first time, however, that she decides to stare back.

She means it to be playful, at first. She meets his eyes, one brow quirked as if to say, ‘What, is there something on my face?’ But instead of glancing away in sheepish embarrassment or jolting out of a daze, Ben just stares back. There’s no emotion in his expression at all except intense focus.

The faint smile drops from Yasmina’s face as she stares back in surprise. Then, with ever-growing confusion and a fair amount of alarm, she realizes that Ben’s shoulders are rising, tense and hunched like he’s trying to make himself look bigger.

Like an animal.

Yasmina knows what it is to stare down a wild animal. She’s felt predatory eyes on her before and either bolted or turned to face the challenge. And that’s what it is, for some of the dinos- a challenge. Sometimes they’re testing your mettle, and standing your ground is enough to make them back off.

Ben must’ve learned that, too. And for whatever reason, he’s slipping into that behavior now.

It’s a ridiculous thought. This is Ben, her friend. Her very scrawny friend who can’t weigh more than ninety pounds soaking wet, and prefers a diet of berries and grubs. And yet, here he is, staring her down like she’s a particularly bold pack of Compies that’s decided to threaten him.

Yasmina gives a slow, deliberate blink. “Ben?” she calls. “What’s up?”

Just like that, the spell is broken. Ben gives a violent start, blinking and shaking his head. Yasmina sees confusion flash across his face, and then realization. And now the embarrassment comes, but it’s darkened by something like horror.

Without a word, Ben turns and darts away, scrambling down the ladder to the alcove underneath the house where Bumpy’s napping.

Yasmina lets him go, too baffled and unsettled to form words.

 ~*~

 Eventually, Yasmina tells Darius about it.

His expression is troubled as she runs through the incident. But in the end, there’s nothing more he can tell her than what she’s already worked out on her own. It’s just another side effect of the mindset Ben has adopted throughout his isolation. Those habits were what he relied on to survive, and it’ll take time for him to realize he doesn’t have to constantly be on edge now that he’s got a team to look out for him.

Though privately, Yasmina wonders if maybe the rest of them should take a page out of Ben’s book. Seems like he’s got a better handle on survival than they do.

(And then she thinks how Sammy would react, if Yasmina started acting like a wary animal around her, and she realizes Ben’s methods come with a price.)

 ~*~

 After Ben runs the Compies off for the first time, staring becomes a defense tactic.

It’s not always the Compies, who are slowly but surely learning not to mess with him. Sometimes it’s the Parasaurolophus in the river, or the lone Pteranodon perched in a tree, or the group of Edmontosauruses grazing on the hilltop. As soon as he feels their eyes on him, he knows his best chance is to stare back, to show that he’s willing to put up a fight, that chasing him wouldn’t be worth it.

Obviously, there are some dinosaurs that doesn’t work on. But if Ben can drastically cut down the amount of time spent running for his life by standing his ground, then he’ll take it.

All he has to do is not back down.

 ~*~

 Ben avoids Yasmina for the next few days.

 ~*~

 Brooklynn wakes up in the middle of the night with an unshakeable feeling that something is wrong.

Her bad feeling is confirmed when she gets a look at the moon. Based on its position in the sky, she should’ve been woken up by Ben to take her night watch shift at least an hour ago. This practice, established by Darius months ago who insisted they should always have at least one person awake, has already become routine within the group. Brooklynn couldn’t sleep fully through the night if she tried.

Ben’s only just recently become a part of the routine. Immediately after his return, Darius thought it best just to let Ben settle in and get as much rest as he could, now that he had the security to do so, and everyone agreed. Ben had insisted he didn’t mind, but Darius stood firm, so it’s only been within the last few days that Ben took part.

But this is the first time he hasn’t woken Brooklynn up and her heart is in her throat as she rushes to the lookout point-

Only to find Ben sitting right where he’s supposed to be, looking out over their compound as a small candle burns next to him.

As soon as Brooklynn’s relief passes, it’s replaced with anger. “What are you doing?” she whispers furiously.

Ben, not at all surprised by her presence, gives her a sidelong look. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“You were supposed to wake me up, so I could do night watch.” Brooklynn struggles to keep her voice low, so as not to alert the others. “What gives?”

Ben shrugs. “I knew I wasn’t gonna sleep tonight, so I figured I’d just take the whole watch myself.”

“That’s not how this works,” Brooklynn hisses, crossing her arms. “Even if you can’t fall asleep- and I’ve totally been there- you have to lay down and close your eyes and rest. You need to rest.”

Ben breaks into an easy smile, but Brooklynn can see the annoyed creases at his eyes. “Hey, it’s fine. I can-”

“Take care of yourself, I know,” Brooklynn interrupts, hating how frustrated she sounds but unable to help it. “But you don’t have to. We’re a team. We can take care of you too, alright?”

Ben stares at her for a moment. “I know that,” he says, sounding uncertain.

Brooklynn softens. When she reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, he lets her. “Then… why?”

“I don’t know,” Ben admits. The muscles beneath Brooklynn’s hand are so tense, it feels like they’re going to snap. “I don’t know.”

They finish the night watch together.

 ~*~

 Brooklynn almost hates to bring it up to Darius.

Dude’s stressing almost nonstop about everything, all the time. And it really isn’t fair for him to be responsible for the rest of them, including Ben. But Darius is the only one who seems to have the… what’s it called, emotional intelligence, she supposes, to weigh in on the situation.

(Sammy is a close second, but her brand of caring is a little more touchy-feely, and this doesn’t seem like the right time for that.)

Darius is immediately worried, pointing out that Ben might accidentally fall asleep on watch if he keeps this up (something Brooklynn hadn’t even thought about). He promises to talk to Ben about it, and that’s that.

Brooklynn is only slightly relieved because she knows if Darius had a real fix for the problem, he would’ve said so. And if Darius doesn’t have a fix for it, maybe there isn’t one.

 ~*~

 Those first several nights, Ben doesn’t sleep at all.

And it’s not for lack of trying. But how can he sleep, when it’s pitch black and the jungle is full of unfamiliar sounds and he’s got no one but a baby Ankylosaurus by his side? He soon finds it’s even worse without Bumpy, though, because at least he trusted that Bumpy would wake up if there was any danger, as her senses are more powerful than his.

On his own, there’s no one to wake him up. So he has to stay up, and settle for catching short scattered naps throughout the day (if he can find a tree to hide up in).

It’s hard, but he’d rather be tired than dead.

 ~*~

 Ben is taken off night watch, but still ends up awake more often than not.

 ~*~

 Pyromaniac is a word no one ever expected to become synonymous with Ben, and yet here they are.

It’s one of the first things he always suggests as an answer to a problem; blow something up. Darius has a million reasons for them not to do that; they could get hurt, they could start a wildfire and burn the jungle down, they could attract unwanted attention from predators.

But that doesn’t stop Ben from cataloguing everything on the island that can be used as an explosive, memorizing their locations or creating hidden stashes. It doesn’t stop him from using the candles that came with the scavenged emergency kits. He’ll light them for no reason, just to watch the small flame flicker back and forth.

(Someday, months later, they’ll encounter a horrific hybrid dinosaur that is drawn to flames, and they’ll all think about how unsettling it is that Ben shares this trait, but none of them will say it.)

 ~*~

 It’s been one week since Bumpy left, and Ben is starting a fire.

Just a small one. It rained all day and he’s soaked to the bone, which normally wouldn’t be a huge problem considering the jungle climate. But now that it’s nighttime, there’s a chill in the air and he can’t afford to get sick. It’s risky, because at night he knows the light could draw attention to him, but his teeth are starting to chatter so there’s no helping it.

When a Stegosaurus stumbles upon him, baying low and angry at finding another creature in its territory, it’s the fire that makes it balk. Rumbling displeasure, it retreats back into the dark jungle. Ben quickly adds torches to his arsenal, using the rest of his shirt as tinder.

Fire is safety.

 ~*~

 Ben lights his candles in silence.

 ~*~

 “You can’t just run off like that,” Kenji says, deadly serious.

Ben scoffs. “I think you’re forgetting who defeated Toro,” he says with an easy smile.

“You’re not invincible, Ben!” Kenji snaps. The anger churning inside him is deceptively hollow, like it’s masking something else. “And I can’t lose you again.”

Ben isn’t smiling anymore. “You won’t,” he mutters, pushing past Kenji. “I can take care of myself, now. I don’t need you to play the hero and protect me.”

Kenji wants to protest that’s not what this is about, and that’s never been what this is about, but Ben is already gone.

 ~*~

 Ben still lives off berries and grubs.

 ~*~

 “… and so I was thinking, berries have seeds in them, right? So if we plant some, we’ll have our own berry bushes at the clubhouse. It’ll cut down our foraging time in the mornings for sure, and-”

“Uh, who are you talking to, Ben?”

Ben blinks at Yasmina’s voice, the girl having only just entered the room.

“Um, Bumpy?” he says, as if this should be obvious.

Yasmina glances out at the compound, where Bumpy is fast asleep and well out of earshot.

“… right.”

 ~*~

 Ben can’t sleep, even when he’s actually trying.

 ~*~

 “Alright,” Darius says, “so we need to get the T-Rex out of Main Street so we can do another sweep for supplies. Any ideas?”

Ben’s hand goes up.

“For the hundredth time, Ben, we aren’t going to feed the T-Rex to the Mosasaurus.”

Ben’s hand goes down.

 ~*~

 Ben feels more at home with Bumpy than the other campers.

 ~*~

 “You know we didn’t mean to leave you, right? We would’ve come back for you if we’d known…”

 ~*~

 Ben never talks about getting off the island.

 ~*~

 “You have to tell us where you’re going, Ben, you can’t just disappear-”

 ~*~

 Ben keeps slipping away.

 ~*~

“Blowing stuff up isn’t the answer to everything!”

~*~

 Ben keeps saying he’s okay.

 ~*~

 “We’re a team, we have to work together-”

 ~*~

 Ben keeps smiling.

 ~*~

 “Don’t you trust us to protect you?”

 ~*~

 Ben doesn’t know.

 ~*~

 Sammy finds Ben sitting on the roof of the clubhouse one day.

Her footsteps are loud and obvious as she approaches him. No chance of sneaking up. She knows he’s noticed her, from the subtle shift in his body. He doesn’t acknowledge her, though, continuing to stare off over the jungle and into the horizon, his skinny legs slotted through the railing and dangling over the edge.

The sun’s about to set, a few stars already twinkling in the purple edges of the sky. Sammy can remember another night, months ago, where Ben wasn’t here but everyone else was and they spotted bonfire smoke in the distance. She remembers the way her heart raced, the overwhelming joy and relief flooding through her. And yet, there had been undeniable heartache, because the realization that they’d made it out only meant it was more unfair that Ben hadn’t.

Sammy breaks the silence after a few moments.

“Are you okay?”

Ben doesn’t look at her, but she can see the easy smile that slants across his face, dying sunlight reflected in his eyes.

“Yeah.”

Sammy sees the lie for what it is. None of them are okay. No one who’s been through what they have would be. But there’s a certain danger that comes with not being willing to admit it, and an even greater danger that comes with not being able to see it.

“Y’know, it’d be fine if you weren’t.”

Ben doesn’t answer.

Sammy sits with him until the sky turns dark.

 ~*~

 It’s the way he struggles to eat anything he hasn’t obtained by himself.

It’s the way he sometimes goes off on his own without telling anyone.

It’s the way he talks to himself when he thinks no one else is around.

It’s the way he takes any concern for his safety as a personal attack.

It’s the way he leaps at the chance to blow something up.

It’s the way he can stare silently for hours.

It’s the way he smiles a little too easily.

 ~*~

 It’s not jumping at every unexpected movement, or screaming awake from night terrors, or flinching away from the slightest touch. It’s not loud meltdowns or hysterical sobbing or uncontrollable fits of rage.

(Even though those will come, someday, when the island is just a memory.)

It’s the little things, that- once you notice them- keep piling up.

And suddenly, they don’t seem so little anymore.

 ~*~