#n i’ve been exploring w my identity more n my sexuality n the way my friends ignore me everytime i talk abt potentially being a lesbian

[flor4de4amor]

sigh non of my friends believe i could be a lesbian. can a girl live in the world.

[baecvlt]

Do you write smut? If so, can I please get soft fem reader thigh-riding Byakuya? Thank you!!

Just Like Heaven

in which the reader thigh rides Byakuya Togami.

Byakuya Togami x Reader

smut smut smut

fem reader

requested by ✨: OMG THIS IDEA ITS BEAUTIFUL

warnings: nothing too major, but there is some choking, but its nothing terrible and its very briefly mentioned. also its byakuya: he’s a dick.

enjoy luvs xx (my apologizes if its short)

“You’ve been awfully quiet lately”

Y/N stared out the window, turning to face her lover. “I just,” she began, realizing she knew why she had been so quiet, but saying so would have flustered her,“I don’t know, honey”. “Oh, you know how pitiful you sound when you call me ‘honey’,” he cooed, but it was so backhanded. He walked towards you and cupped her face. She gasped when he did, his touch making her tremble. “Was that mean?”.

“You are mean”

“I can’t help it”

As those words slipped out of his mouth, he immediately pressed his lips onto hers. The desperation had gotten to her, her kisses in return were messier and rougher, taking Byakuya by surprise. “Hell,” he whispered, pulling away,“You wasted no time”. She didn’t respond as she was trying to catch her breath, but it was obvious to him what was wrong with her. She was like an animal in heat. Blood rushed to her cheeks leaving her all kind of flustered. He grinned at the girl, messing with her hair. “Say, why don’t you get yourself a nice glass of cold water,” he asked,“Then join me in the library when you can get ahold of yourself”. Blushing, she nodded and walked out of her room with her head down, walking towards the dining hall kitchen. She grabbed a cup of water, noticing Celeste had walked in and crossed her arms. Being nice, she said,“Hi”. Rather than say “hi” back, Celeste said,“You and that posh, blond, what’s his name... well, you know who I’m referring to, have been spending a good amount of time together”. She was silent. 

“Are you both?-”

She finally caught onto Celeste’s suggestive tone. “Oh, nonono,” she blurted,“Absolutely not”. Celeste laughed softly, nodding. “Right. ‘Was foolish of me to assume such a quiet girl as yourself would involve yourself with him in such ways. I only asked because everyone else was wondering. I’ll be heading out now. Goodbye!”. Celeste walked away, leaving her flustered once again. Why was she so flustered? Well, that can only be answered if we dig deep into her mind, her dream state specifically. She dreamt of Byakuya. Her dreams (if captured) could be pieces of cinema for how detailed they were. For some reason, this one was a little too detailed. Imagery of Byakuya tearing off her dress and pinning her down made it difficult for her to be around him.

While they had this type relationship going on, it was never anything sexual. In fact, the most they’d done was that kiss earlier. What started off as a hateful gaze turned to playful verbal teasing; secretly holding hands to small kisses (with the occasional pet names). Now, Byakuya had taken it a step further with that kiss, but since she had the control in that situation, his tone suggested he wanted much more. 

She walked to the second floor, heading for the library. She stood in front of the door, taking a deep breath before opening the door, ever so carefully. She peeked in first before stepping in, noticing Byakuya sitting in a chair and reading. He looked up at her. “You wanted to see me?,” she asked. 

“Oh, Y/N. Glad you could make it. Lock the door.. the key’s hanging to your right”

She locked the door, stepping closer to him. He got up and showed her some files layed out on the table. “I was digging around in the archives and found rather interesting information,” he said. She looked at them, her eyes widening. “So we have possible suspects on the mastermind’s identity now, don’t we,” she asked. Byakuya nodded. He sat back down, looking at her up and down. He hummed, looking her up and down. His piercing blue eyes met hers as she turned to see him doing so. “Is there anything else you need, baby?”. 

“Take off your panties”

Her heart sank as she stuttered,“W-What?”. He repeated himself: “Take them off”. She tried not to blush as she raised her dress on the sides and slid them off. She picked up her lacy panties, holding them. “Hand them to me”. She walked to him handing them over. “Tsk-tsk. These are quite the racy choice,” he smirked,“Come here”. He pat his lap, inviting her to straddle him. She was on, wrapping her arms around his neck and now he was kissing her, roughly. She whined as he grabbed her breasts, moving his hands to her hips. This made her move against his thigh, the friction making her throb. She moaned digging her nails into his back. Immediately, he knew she liked that. He began to bounce he a little. Her breath hitching as her legs squeezed the sides of his thigh, latching herself onto him. “You like that, don’t you?,” he teased, whispering in her ear.

“Yes...”

“Speak up, darling”

“Y-Yes!”

She began riding him on her own, but at her own pace, not trying to overwhelm herself so fast. Suddenly, his hand reached and gripped her throat, careful not to hurt her. “Poor girl,” he teased,“All worked up over what? Grinding on my leg like a pup? How cute”.

“Byakuya-”

“My pretty girl, getting off in front of all this surveillance. People watching, yet you behave as if we were in solitude. How pathetic”

“P-Please don’t say that, please”

“Is my girl gonna cum?”

The question rattled throughout her body. Her insides burned as she muttered a ‘yes’. “Cum for me, my pet,” he said looking deep into her eyes,“Come on”. Small whimpers and curses escaped her lips as she trembled. All Byakuya could think is how cute she was. “I’m gonna cum,” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

Before she could answer, his hands moved to her breasts. He teased him and she cried, begging him,“Please kiss me”. He tongued her down, her shaming worsened until finally, with a throaty moan, she came. “Good girl,” he teased, pushing her off slowly. She now sat on the floor trying to catch her breath. Byakuya checked out his thigh. He grabbed her jaw and made her look up at him. “You made quite the mess,” he said, kissing her forehead. He held his hand out, allowing her stand up. “What do we say?,” he asked.

“T-Thank you”

“Anytime”

Byakuya headed toward the door, but before he could open it, she stopped him. “Hey!”. He turned around. “Yes, my pet?”. She bit her lips, but finally asked,“Are you gonna give me my panties back?”. Byakuya laughed. “Right,” he said,“I must’ve forgotten”. He handed them to her. She put them on, her eyes on him.

“Are you waiting for me?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, not at all! Just curious why”

“I, uh..”

He cleared his throat as he looked away and said,“I kind of do enjoy your company, so I was wondering if you wanted to come and explore the other floors with me. Catch up, maybe?”. She smiled, biting her lip.

“I’d love that”

“Great. Come along, now. There’s an unnecessary tension building up”

Once again he held out his hand. She smiled, holding it and following him. As exited the library, Makoto and Kyoko were outside. “Togami!,” Kyoko scoled him,“We’ve been searching for you endlessly. Where the hell’ve you been?”. Their eyes went straight to his hand holding hers. Rather than pull back and let go, he held her hand tighter. “Y/N and I were doing research in the library. We found interesting files and were just about to head out”. Makoto was silent, but spoke abruptly.

“Did you spill something on your lap?”

“No? What are you-”

That’s when he realized it was a complete other thing being referred to. “Oh, this?,” Byakuya asked,“Yes, I think I must’ve spilled something earlier today”. “But that looks rece-”.

“Makoto, when was the last time youve done laundry yourself to even begin to worry about what I’ve got on? Anyway, there are far more dire things to worry about. The file is on the desk. We’ll be heading off now”

Y/N admired how confident and prideful he walked past them, but once out of sight, he sighed. “I can hold your hand proudly. Hell, I might even kiss you every now and then,” he began,“but I draw the line at walking around with this on my leg”. “Yeah, we should probably get you dressed”. He nodded. As you walked you can think about what he said.

“You can be seen with me proudly?”

“You’re worth it”

“Oh”

You stopped at his door. He opened it, but before he could walk in, he stopped. Without looking back, he said,“I admire you, Y/N. Don’t let it get to your head, but I do. Anyway, I’ll be going now. See you around”. He closed the door, leaving her there. She smiled and headed to her room, thinking while he might be flawed, he isn’t a completely terrible person.

[solacekames]

Insurgent Supremacists – a new book about the U.S. far right By Matthew N Lyons |  Sunday, April 01, 2018 

My book Insurgent Supremacists: The U.S. Far Right’s Challenge to State and Empire is due out this May and is being published jointly by Kersplebedeb Publishing and PM Press. It draws on work that I’ve been doing over the past 10-15 years but also includes a lot of new material. In this post I want to highlight some of what’s distinctive about this book and how it relates to the three way fight approach to radical antifascism. I’ll focus here on three themes that run throughout the book: 1. Disloyalty to the state is a key dividing line within the U.S. right. For purposes of this book, I define the U.S. far right not in terms of a specific ideology, but rather as those political forces that (a) regard human inequality as natural, inevitable, or desirable and (b) reject the legitimacy of the established political system. That includes white nationalists who advocate replacing the United States with one or more racially defined “ethno-states.” But it also includes the hardline wing of the Christian right, which wants to replace secular forms of government with a full-blown theocracy; Patriot movement activists who reject the federal government’s legitimacy based on conspiracy theories and a kind of militant libertarianism; and some smaller ideological currents. Insurgent Supremacists argues that the modern far right defined in these terms has only emerged in the United States over the past half century, as a result of social and political upheavals associated with the 1960s, and that it represents a shift away from the right’s traditional role as defenders of the established order. The book explores how the various far right currents have developed and how they have interacted with each other and with the larger political landscape. I chose to frame the book in terms of “far right” rather than “fascism” for a couple of reasons. Discussions of fascism tend to get bogged down in definitional debates, because people have very strong—and very divided—opinions about what fascism means and what it includes. Insurgent Supremacists includes in-depth discussions of fascism as a theoretical and historical concept, but that’s not the book’s focus or overall framework. As a related point, most discussions of fascism focus on white nationalist forces and tend to exclude or ignore other right-wing currents such as Christian rightist forces, and I think it’s important to look at these different forces in relation to each other. For example, critics of the Patriot/militia movement often argue that its hostility to the federal government was derived from Posse Comitatus, a white supremacist and antisemitic organization that played a big role in the U.S. far right in the 1980s. That’s an important part of the story, but Patriot groups were also deeply influenced by hardline Christian rightists, who (quite independently from white nationalists) had for years been urging people to arm themselves and form militias to resist federal tyranny. We rarely hear about that. 2. The far right is ideologically complex and dynamic and belies common stereotypes. Many critics of the far right tend to assume that its ideology doesn’t amount to much more than crude bigotry, and if we identify a group as “Nazi” or as white supremacist, male supremacist, etc., that’s pretty much all we need to know. This is a dangerous assumption that doesn’t explain why far right groups are periodically able to mobilize significant support and wield influence far beyond their numbers. Yes, the far right has its share of stupid bigots, but unfortunately it also has its share of smart, creative people. We need to take far rightists’ beliefs and strategies seriously, study their internal debates, and look at how they’ve learned from past mistakes. Otherwise we’ll be fighting 21st-century battles with 1930s weapons. For example: because of the history of fascism in the 1930s and 40s, we tend to identify far right politics with glorification of the strong state and highly centralized political organizations. Some far rightists, such as the Lyndon LaRouche network, still hold to that approach, but most of them have actually abandoned it in favor of various kinds of political decentralism, from neonazis who call for “leaderless resistance” and want to carve regional white homelands out of the United States to “sovereign citizens” and county supremacists, from self-described National-Anarchists to Christian Reconstructionists who advocate a theocracy based on small-scale institutions such as local government, churches, and individual families. One of the lessons here is that opposing centralized authority isn’t necessarily liberatory at all, because repression and oppression can operate on a small scale just as well as on a large scale. This shift to political decentralism isn’t just empty rhetoric; it’s a genuine transformation of far right politics. I think it should be examined in relation to larger cultural, political, and economic developments, such as the global restructuring of industrial production and the wholesale privatization of governmental functions in the U.S. and elsewhere. We need to take far rightists’ beliefs and strategies seriously, study their internal debates, and look at how they’ve learned from past mistakes. Otherwise we’ll be fighting 21st-century battles with 1930s weapons. As another example of oversimplifying far right politics, it’s standard to describe far rightists as promoting heterosexual male dominance. While that’s certainly true in broad terms, it doesn’t really tell us very much. Insurgent Supremacists maps out several distinct forms of far right politics regarding gender and sexual identity and looks at how those have played out over time within the far right’s various branches. Most far rightists vilify homosexuality, but sections of the alt-right have advocated some degree of respect for male homosexuality, based on a kind of idealized male bonding among warriors, an approach that actually has deep roots in fascist political culture. In recent years the alt-right has promoted some of the most vicious misogyny and declared that women have no legitimate political role. But when the alt-right got started around 2010, it included men who argued that sexism and sexual harassment of women were weakening the movement by alienating half of its potential support base. This view echoed the quasi-feminist positions that several neonazi groups had been taking since the 1980s, such as the idea that Jews promoted women’s oppression as part of their effort to divide and subjugate the Aryan race. This may sound bizarre, but it’s a prime example of the far right’s capacity time and again to appropriate elements of leftist politics and harness them to its own supremacist agenda. 3. Fighting the far right and working to overthrow established systems of power are distinct but interconnected struggles. A third core element that sets Insurgent Supremacists apart is three way fight politics: the idea that the existing socio-economic-political order and the far right represent different kinds of threats—interconnected but distinct—and that the left needs to combat both of them. This challenges the assumption, recurrent among many leftists, that the far right is either unimportant or a ruling-class tool, and that it basically just wants to impose a more extreme version of the status quo. But three way fight politics also challenges the common liberal view that in the face of a rising far right threat we need to “defend democracy” and subordinate systemic change to a broad-based antifascism. Among other huge problems with this approach, if leftists throw our support behind the existing order we play directly into the hands of the far right, because we allow them to present themselves as the only real oppositional force, the only ones committed to real change. Insurgent Supremacists applies three way fight analysis in various ways. There’s a chapter on misuses of the charge of fascism since the 1930s, which looks at how some leftists and liberals have misapplied the fascist label either to authoritarian conservatism (such as McCarthyism or the George W. Bush administration) or to the existing political system as a whole. There’s a chapter about the far right’s relationship with Donald Trump—both his presidential campaign and his administration—which explores the complex and shifting interactions between rightist currents that want to overthrow or secede from the United States and rightist currents that don’t. During the campaign, most alt-rightists enthusiastically supported Trump not only for his attacks on immigrants and Muslims but also because he made establishment conservatives look like fools. But since the inauguration they’ve been deeply alienated by many of his policies, which largely follow a conservative script. Three way fight analysis also informs the book’s discussion of federal security forces’ changing relationships with right-wing vigilantes and paramilitary groups. These relations have run the gamut from active support for right-wing violence (most notoriously in Greensboro in 1979, when white supremacists gunned down communist anti-Klan protesters) to active suppression (as in 1984-88, when the FBI and other agencies arrested or shot members of half a dozen underground groups). This complex history belies arguments that we should look to the federal government to protect us against the far right, as well as simplistic claims that “the cops and the Klan go hand in hand.” Forces of the state may choose to co-opt right-wing paramilitaries or crack down on them, depending on the particular circumstances and what seems most useful to help them maintain social control. Insurgent Supremacists isn’t intended to be a comprehensive study of the U.S. far right. Rather, it’s an attempt to offer some fresh ideas about what these dangerous forces stand for, where they come from, and what roles they play in the larger political arena. Not just to help us understand them, but so we can fight them more effectively.

[ravenclawfairy]

1-30 bitch yeh thats right do it

M A R I A   W H Y

WELL IM A LIL DRUNK AND DOING THIS ON MY COMPUTER SO GET READY FOR TYPOS

1. what’s your gender?

FEMALE

2. what are your pronouns?

SHE/HER

3. is your family accepting?

for the most part they make homophobic jokes here and there but i know they don’t really mean to hurt me with them

4. what do you wish you could tell your past self?

uhhhh just fucking go for it??? like girls wholly and fully?? and don’t be ashamed or make excuses. Like hun you’re so gay just ask that girl out to prom AS A DATE

5. what is your sexuality?

LESBIAN

6. favorite color?

blue

7. sun gay or moon gay?

MOOn gay for fucking sure

8. when did you find out your sexuality?

uhhh i had suspicions when I was like 17 but ignored them til i was 19 then i watched orange is the new black with nicky nichols and i was like FUCK im gay. there was no turning back from that point

9. how was your day?

okaayyy? i had breakfast/lunch with my friend and then cleaned my room adn played some video games and then went out to dinner with my sister. mostly productive i guess

10. do you have any gay friends?

LOTS. at least half of harry potter club, the origin of most of my friendships, is gay

11. what’s your favorite hobby?

reading, video games, theater

12. who’s the best gay icon in your opinion?

LESBIAN JESUS HAYLEY KIYOKO

13. which pride flags do you like the most design/color wise?

out of all, bisexual flag is the prettiest, but for flags for my identity, i like the rainbow with the interlocking female symbols

14. are you openly out?

HELL YEAH recently but yes

15. are you comfortable with yourself?

for the most part. i still have gross compulsory heterosexuality moments sometimes, but I’m okay with myself

16. bottom or top?

BOTTOM BITCH

17. femme or butch?

in between?? i guess maybe slightly more towards butch but with some femme

18. do you bind?

nope

19. do you shave?

my legs yes cause i like the feeling of smooth legs, not cause society. fuck society

20. if you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?

uhhhhh TATIANA MASLANY

21. do you have a partner (s)?

noooo

22. describe your partner (s)?

n/a

23. have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?

yes

24. anyone of another sex?

yes they were okay but ya know girls are better

25. pastel gay or goth gay?

GOTH ALL THE FUCKING WAY

26. favorite dad in dream daddies?

I’ve heard of this but i don’t know anything about it, nor do I really want to

27. tell me a random fact about yourself?

uhhhhhhh I’m watching pirates of the caribbean 3 right now while being a lil bit drunk cause i had a half empty bottle of wine that was already a week old

28. do you own any pride flags/merch?

Yes! I have a gay pride flag that’s rainbow with the interlocking female symbols

29. have you ever been to a pride parade?

I went to my first this june. it was real cool

30. any advice to someone who isn’t out or who is exploring themselves?

just fucking go for it. don’t feel the need to label yourself right away but fuck it the fuck up. try things out, and fiugre out labbels later

[deadbitchonline]

1-30

1. what’s your gender? Right now I think I’m a enby girl

2. what are your pronouns? she/her/they/them

3. is your family accepting? For the most part. I actually recently talked to my mom about getting laser hair removal. So that’s something I’ll likely be doing in the close future! No more facial hair!

4. what do you wish you could tell your past self? I’d tell them that they’re valid for who they are, and that it’s ok that they don’t know for sure who they are. I used to have very concrete definitions of everything, and it’s ok if things are in the gray. It’s ok. 

5. what is your sexuality? I like girls

6. favorite color? Dark Purple

7. sun gay or moon gay? Moon gay

8. when did you find out your sexuality? I always knew I liked girls but I started questioning my gender identity around the age of 14

9. how was your day? It’s been nice so far. I played some Pokemon Ultra Moon and have been thinking a lot about the beta pokemon leaks...

10. do you have any gay friends? Oh yes, quite a few

11. what’s your favorite hobby? Making art! 

12. who’s the best gay icon in your opinion? I really don’t know a whole lot of famous people, and I’m not really a big fan of the ones I do know. There are some people where I like who they are as a person, but I don’t really consume their content at all. Rip me

13. which pride flags do you like the most design/color wise? The trans flag is p-neat

14. are you openly out? I’d say I’m like, halfway out? A lot of people know at this point and I do wear femmy clothing in public sometimes but like, I don’t say anything about it to most people

15. are you comfortable with yourself? no. I feel very uncomfortable in my own skin. I... want to change I think. I always second guess myself though. I don’t know where I’ll end up...

16. bottom or top? Bottom! 

17. femme or butch? I don’t know where I am on that scale. 

18. do you bind? Hahah no the opposite

19. do you shave? Yes, I get super uncomfortable otherwise. When I don’t shave I get depressed & super irritable.

20. if you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be? I’d love to date somebody, but I don’t think I know anybody rn that I want to date. Also! I’m super shy so if you want to date me, you’re gonna have to ask me out lol. I think being asked out is really romantic and I hate asking others out because it makes me feel like I’m in the masculine position in a relationship and I don’t like that at all!

21. do you have a partner (s)? No I’m single! (plzz flirt w/ me)

22. describe your partner (s)? N/A

23. have you ever dated anyone of the same sex? I’ve only ever dated girls. I’m only ever gonna date women.

25. pastel gay or goth gay? Goth gay

26. favorite dad in dream daddies? I never played it rip. Wasn’t really all that interested in dating middle-aged men, not really my type...

27. tell me a random fact about yourself? I’ve got a completed gen 7 pokedex :0

28. do you own any pride flags/merch? uhhhhh nope

29. have you ever been to a pride parade? Once when I was like 10. My parents brought me cuz they’re bi. I want to go again this year tho!

30. any advice to someone who isn’t out or who is exploring themselves? It’s ok if you don’t know who you are! And it’s ok to never know. You just have to accept that sometimes, that’s just the way things are. And if you do know who you are? That’s good too! I hope you can join the rest of us one day and help the world grow to be a happier, gayer place.

[trinkets-and-spirits]

26 & 27 for the lgbt+/pride asks!

26: What identity advice would you give your younger self?

Oh, this is a great question; considering identity was a huge struggle for me. :’)) Advice is a difficult subject for me, bc I don’t consider myself to be very wise. Ik a lot of stuff on certain topics; but I struggle to give concrete advice for others, and a lot of the time—I’m just straight up bullshitting my way through life; trying to comfort my friends, trying to comfort myself, trying to word things nicely & all.

But identity? FUCK ME ; do I know a lot & have a lot of advice on identity, lmao.

Cheesy as it’ll sound to other folks, my best advice would be to ignore what the people around you are telling you about identity, and I’m not just referencing the homophobic assholes who are just looking for any reason to claim the LGBTQ+ community are aggressive; violent monsters. I’m mostly referencing the young; controlling; bitchy straight girls—who were homophobic as fuck; until they found out about yaoi anime, and suddenly they were gay; trans; genderfluid; and everyone else was the same way. Cishet people didn’t exist, and anyone who claimed to be happily cishet (myself; at the time) was just lying to themselves. :))

At a very young age (10 ; 11) — I was pressured into thinking that I was trans, because these previously cishet girls were claiming it was cool; that they wanted to be men, but not for the purpose that transgender folks are actually trans. :’)) Nope! Instead of wanting to transition; or pass, bc that’s who they had always been, they looked at it as a couple of surgeries that would allow them to jack off. Have gay sex. Be the ‘uke’ (or sub; in BDSM-terms) to someone’s ‘seme’ (or dom; in BDSM-terms). And I was pressured to think the same way, despite still feeling cishet at the time; and not really understanding what transgender was.

I was also pressured to think I was lesbian/gay, whatever the terms we were using back then. Bisexual? Pansexual? Incorrect. How dare you be attracted to anyone, besides the gender I tell you to be attracted to. It was…a fuckin’ toxic situation. I only started learning about LGBTQ+ around the time I came out, and I…learnt quickly that I wasn’t trans; I had never been trans. I didn’t connect to either gender in an identity sense, but sexually & romantically? Yes. I loved & adored men and women, and I feel like I would have realised this sooner, had it not been for these girls—who were convinced that trans men were the only valid part of the transgender community; who were convinced trans men were only trans, bc they wanted to get fucked by men, jack off, and use he/him pronouns for the fun of it. Trans women were invalid in their eyes. Who would want to be a woman? :’)) It’s disgusting to think they quickly ditched the LGBTQ+ community, when they ‘grew out of yaoi’ — and now treat us like we’re a bunch of idiots, lol.

BUT ANYWAY!!

My two pieces of advice would be:

1) Never allow anyone, especially bigots, to tell you what your identity is. You want to be cishet? You do you, sweetie. You wanna be trans? Fuck yes, I’ll support you to the ends of time; as long as you’re comfortable with yourself. You wanna be genderqueer? HELL YEAH, BUD. I’d have told myself, time and time again, that I’m allowed to identify as who I am — and not as whatever a couple of cishet bitches demanded that I identify as; or I’m being ‘homophobic’ and ‘transphobic’ for not conforming. It’s not a sin to not identify as something, and you should never fucking force that shit. If you’re cis; you’re cis. If you’re trans; you’re trans. If you’re somewhere else; bless u.

2) You’re allowed to explore your identity, because it’s your goddamn identity. As long as you’re not hurting anyone w/ your exploration; then who the hell has the right to tell you that you’re betraying a community that you no longer identify with, but still cherish and respect?? No one finds their identity right away, fam. It’s totally chill for you to feel cis one day & genderqueer the next; as long as you’re not being an asshole about it. Life’s short, baby, feel free to explore; as long as you’re not appropriating or discriminating others.

27: What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I’m…gonna assume that this is referencing the whole boomer argument of there needing to be a man & a woman in a relationship; that gay relationships will always consist of one masc. & one femme person, and…all of that bullshit. On top of the nonsense that I’ve seen relating to trans people in relationships. :’))

If not, then I naturally apologise to everyone out there; but baby—I’m literally the worst person to ask about gender roles. I’m genderqueer, so gender roles? We don’t know her. Personally, I think they’re total bullshit & aren’t a necessity for anyone out there, as long as you’re in a comfortable; consensual relationship, and are happy w/ the person (or p e r s o n s; to my beloved poly community) you’re seeing—I don’t really see the need for gender roles to come into things.

I’d never judge someone for thinking they’re important or relevant to things, tho, as long as they weren’t being transphobic or aphobic. But generally speaking?? Yeah no, miss me w/ that gender role shite. We’re here to love, not debate about anything besides light-hearted; wholesome things. Gender roles…aren’t for me, tbh, I just don’t really see the point any more. I just wanna love others, y’know?? Who cares about roles?? Unless they’re bedroom roles, rip me. But yeah no. xP 

Yikes, sorry for the long ass post. I didn’t mean for this to happen, lmao.

[the-ships-to-rule-them-all]

Ship related questions

I’m procrastinating for some reason 

tagged by @apirateslifeforsmee

A. Your current OTP - Bellarke and also the Power Rangers OT5 aka my precious broken children who love each other

B. A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind. - Obi and Qui Gon, I blame @deadcatwithaflamethrower

C.A pairing you wish you shipped but just can’t - got to be honest sea mechanic 

D. What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom? - POETRY - my first one was a teen wolf poem actually

E. Have you ever added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to you fandom? - no I haven’t 

F. What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? What fandom was it? - POWER RANGERS since I was six and it’s always been there and now the movie brought it out again 

G. What was your first fandom? - Back in 2011/2012 I joined Fanforum for Vampire Diaries, specially Delena

H. Do you prefer real-life shows or animated shows? - real life absolutely 

I. Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? hmm I mean it’s caused me to hate fandom in general because people are just so fucking dramatic all the time

J. Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr? - the 100, Lucifer 

K. How do you feel about the people in your current fandom? - god my current fandom is amazing, I absolutely adore the Bellarke fam with all my heart and soul, I also really love the tiny community of Power Rangers 2017 fanfic writers and readers, so utterly positive 

L. Your favourite fan artist/author gives you one request what do you ask for? - canon verse Bellarke exploring sexuality both in terms of sex and identity 

M. A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you into? hmm I blame @rongasm for pulling me into the stydia fandom 

N. Your favourite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over). oh absolutely the bellarke fam, some of the kindest most amazing intelligent people I’ve ever met

O. Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of? Fortress by Bear’s Den, it reminds me of Jaspenor because I heard it first for a video for them and also Bellarke cause “I don’t think anyone has loved anyone the way I loved you” 

P. Invent a Random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas) - college au where they meet because Bellamy will not stop singing Hamilton 

Q. A Ship you’ve abandoned and why?- I mean I really shipped Paily for awhile but then Paige was banished from the show so *shrugs*

R. A pairing you ship you don’t think anyone else ships? - any and all of my ot4s/ot5s

S. What’s a head canon you have? - that the Power Rangers get tattoos and that Clarke gives really good massages 

T. What are your favourite male/male ships or female/female ships? - PATROCHILLES  STUCKY, DESTIEL, Paily, Qui Gon/Obi Wan, Wolfstar, sometimes Clexa, Spashley, Hollisten, Scerek, Malec, Jimon

U. What are you favourite male/female ships? - BELLARKE, CAPTAIN SWAN, FEYSAND, STYDIA, SETHKATE, RONMIONE, DECKERSTAR, BAWSON, JONSA, CLACE

V. Do you have any three way ships if so who? - Steve X Bucky X Natasha, Conner x Kira x Ethan, Boanlarke (in fic anyway), Simon x Jace x Clary

W. 5 favourite characters from 5 different fandoms. -

The 100 - Raven Reyes OUAT - Killian Jones Game of thrones- Sansa Stark Teen Wolf - Scott McCall

FDTD - Kate Fuller

X. 3 OTP’s from 3 different fandoms. -

The 100- bellarke OUAT- Captain swan TW: Stydia

Y.A fandom you’re in but have no ships for? - I ALWAYS HAVE SHIPS

Z. What’s a ship that you want yo ship publicly but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it? - I’m not sure, it’s more that no one else ships it that I know 

[monoton-e]

Update: My Romantic Identity Discussed Below

The statement that started it all

I honestly feel like I’m slowly becoming repulsed at the idea of ever being in a romantic relationship again. The thought of being romantically intimate is honestly:

1. Gross b/c intimacy with another person is not my thing, first off (since I’m asexual af and, although not sex repulsed, I still am not totally with the whole having sex thing)

2. Pointless in every aspect b/c tbh platonic relationships are way better because those are relationships that may be long term or short but still bring me happiness like no other. (I COULD HONESTLY GO ON A RANT ABOUT MY PLATONIC LOVE FOR MY BEST FRIEND AND MY GROUP OF FRIENDS FROM HS THAT SOMEHOW STILL STAY STRONG TO THIS DAY BUT I SHAN’T SINCE THATLL BE LONG AF. I will mention my best friend throughout this post as my #1 example tho so we shall temp name her N)

My evaluation of self

After experiencing and assessing my past relationships, I noticed my actions were all exaggerations of what I had interpreted what a relationship was meant to be like.

I never noticed that I found it more to be this “job” or “activity” that was to be fufilled and that I could fufill the needs that were placed. I wanted to feel like I was really romantically interested and invested, that I really wanted something more intimate than my friendships. But instead, I would look for something that wasn’t there, that I had to force it out because I got myself stuck in it & because I had a long period of time where I felt like the only way I can keep a person in my life that I wanted to be friends with, especially guys, was to have some sort of romantic thing with them.

Example of my experience that first brought out the idea of being Aromantic to mind

Like, don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of loving someone in a way that you and the other person become close beyond the boundries of time and circumstance. I fully believe in that, for example myself and my first and genuine best friend N. I had known her since my sophomore year of HS and mAN DO I LOVE HER. Like, at first we were cool af and complimented eachother so nicely, and still do! Everything about her is beyond lovely and I want to spoil her in anyway I can. The thing is, in hs I told her I would date the shit out of her if she wasn’t strictly straight and she responded positively and kindly. I would bug her about it and constantly tell her but man, I’m so glad she didn’t take it seriously or on a whole other level. Instead we continued to get closer as friends and if anything that was our way of me solidifying that we’re going to still be cool as shit no matter what. Of course this is all how I felt during the first two years of us being friends and it also goes to show that I honestly felt like in order to keep her in my life I needed to be more intimate than friends with her to do so. But I didn’t need to. There’s a reason they’re called my friends and a name to why I feel the way I do: Platonicness.

Acceptance

My experience and time with N, and most certainly with the rest of my friends, have made it slowly easier for me to understand why I do certain behaviors and have certain mindsets about having the need to be in an strictly intimately romantic relationship. I need to feel loved and I get jealous b/c when I see couples that are so deeply invested and genuinely loving eachother, I get mad jealous. But I also noticed the last time that I hung out with my group of friends thAT I HAD FRIENDS WHO LOVE ME AND ARE THERE FOR ME AND GENUINELY LIKE MY COMPANY. IMMA SAY IT AGAIN IN CAPS. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO LOVE ME AND ARE THERE FOR ME AND GENUINELY LOVE ME FOR ME. And dude that blows my motherfucking mind. It took so long for it to settle in my heart and mind but since that day, since the last time we all hung out, it’s safe to say that I feel the fucking love and the feeling that it gives me is honestly better than any feeling I got while I was dating. And even now Im still recalling and evaluating my relationships and the best ones are those that are platonic as fuck and man, theyre the best.

I was going to take a small break from dating to see what the fuck is wrong with me and why I can’t seem to be doing the whole dating scene and feeling connected to it right, but I don’t think I need that small break. I feel bad for saying this, honestly. I feel ashamed, but I’ve been slowling connecting myself to it for the past few months/year. I know about it and explored it when I was exploring asexuality and solidified it to myself.

I believe that I’m aromantic.

So that makes me an aroace which is pretty darn cool and man makes me feel so much better about myself. Like, I’m also pan af but in a platonic sense. Like dude. I love to love and the best way to love is to love the people I hold dear to me. Like DUDE IT FEELS SO GREAT TO KNOW THAT I CAN PLATONICALLY LOVE MY FRIENDS AND THOSE DEAR TO ME, KISS THEIR CHEEKS, HOLD THEIR HANDS, HUG THEM, AND LOVE THEM AND THEIR EXISTENCE W/O FEELING FORCED OR PRESSURED INTO DATING THEM BECAUSE ew yucky and I personally can’t see myself doing that. However, the only downside is that I love to flirt around and compliment constanly and etc. with them and sometimes when I text people in general, that part slips out and gets misinterpreted so looks like I need to clarify these things with the people who don’t know this to avoid miscommunication ^^;;;;;

Like, I wouldn’t go out of my way to yell to my coworkers or family that Im aroace, but it is a little victory for me. And the thing is, if someone were to like me:

1. Impossible

2. I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of it but I wouldn’t say yes right away.

I would think “ok wait, if I were aromantic but still dating, isn’t that lying or being fake?” Well, I don’t think it would. I used to feel like that when I first identified myself as asexual. I don’t find sexually attracted to people but I’m not against having sex or masturbating. AND THATS OKAY. So I’m pretty sure it’s okay for me to be aromantic and date if I feel it genuinely appropriate and comfortable. I found this statement when I was exploring this idea and it almost instantly calmed my nevers b/c of relevancy:

“Think of it like Asexuals liking/ being ok with sex without sexual attraction/ getting moral satisfaction out of sexually satisfying their partner. Replace the sexual with its romantic counterpart. It is a real thing, just probably (not common).” - Starbit, AVEN member

TLDR:;

Not only am I asexual as heck, I’ve finally come to terms with my aromanticism. I may not know which kind of aromantic, the same goes for which kind of ace, but at least I’ve found terms that make me feel at ease. It took me a long time and a lot of reflecting but I’m glad I’ve come to terms with it. Looks like I gotta change my bio now, mates.

If you read all of this omfg I ♡ you for being a champ! I really needed to let this out, and without the whole “read more…” button b/c fuck that. This is important to me and I refuse for it to be unnoticed. I guess having a term for me is going to make things a lot easier for people to understand me now.

Anyway yeah, thanks for a lot of things. I’m still going to be here. I’m still going to be me.

♡

[christianmarkchristian]

N A K E D in H O L L Y W O O D

my autobiography, to be published daily or weekly,  AS IT IS WRITTEN. 

BEYOND SELF PUBLISHING: this is a 100% OPEN BOOK PROJECT 

-where I publish (share) AS (not after) I write, allowing readers to experience not just an autobiography but the experience of WRITING the autobiograpy as well.

on TUMBLR will be the BOOK in progress and eventualy, finished.

on FACEBOOK will be daily or weekly chapters/installments.

____________________________________________________________

PART 1

WHY WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY? Of course, its about the life of Christian Mark Christian but I intend to go into deeper themes as well:

1. God. If you are averse to God or Judaeo-Christian concepts about God, I hope you will not be “put off” by occasional references I will have to make in the course of remembering my life. My plan is not to be IN YOUR FACE about God but spiritual seeking has always been a huge part of my life and to omit this part would be to make the whole story a big lie.

2. VALUE - how we value our lives and our identity is critical to me and my development as a man. There is a fine line between thinking we are “so great that someone needs to write a book about us” and “our lives dont matter.” I have struggled GREATLY my whole life with feelings that my life isnt important, that I dont matter, that Ive been rejected and abandoned. Writing this will be the greatest therapy I can imagine. Writing this is telling myself, reminding myself, that I AM IMPORTANT and SO ARE YOU. 

3. Autobiography in the age of Interactivity. I’m not sure how many projects like this have been published online or in print but the thought occured to me that an autobiography can be, for the first time in history, more than a “book;” it can be an interactive EXPERIENCE. I can include links in my writing that take the reder to the places I am referencing. 

4. “To know is to love.” Honestly one thing that has always frustrated and disappointed me is that I feel like many or even MOST people “dont get me.” 

Too often I hear the word “weird” to describe me, when I would prefer to hear “unique” or “unusual.” I really am not even a fan of the word “eccentric.” 

Was Steve Jobs “weird?” Was Van Gogh “weird.”? Is Elon Musk “weird?” 

My feeling is that “weird” is considered a negative connotation or description, one I do not want and one that is hurtful when used to describe me. I dont feel like anyone who really knows me would ever call me “weird.” So,one huge function of this book is to eradicate the word “weird” as a description of Christian Mark Christian, once and for all and replace it with UNIQUE or RARE.  

Yeah, through no choice of my own, I’ve endured some things that are not typical of most lives. 

My dad’s suicide and that, co-inciding with the loss, at the same time, (divorce) of my Step-Dad. 

Millions have lost a Dad or a step dad through divorce or suicide but not as many have suffered both losses in the same year. 

Genius level IQ at age 7. 

Grew up around the world. 

Shared a 2-bedroom apartment with my Mom, until I got married at age 44.

Living with my ex-wife in an apartment in Hollywood, in an effort to heal and reconcile. 

Yeah-these are not typical of todays American “man”. I’m not “proud” of these things; nor am I ashamed of these things; I never planned on my life going the way it did. 

Regardless-when I became a Christian, at age 36,when I was “Born again,” I Iearned that God (if you choose to believe) “makes all things new” and “uses everything-even negative things, for eventual and ultimate good.” 

Regardless of the pain and tragedy I’d experienced, I was taught that it would all be used in a positive way, in time. 

Maybe this BOOK is that “positive way.” Maybe some who can relate will get a degree of emotional healing by reading; thats certainly my hope. 

But “to know is to Love.” I feel confident that many of my friends, in reading this book, will get to know me much better and in that, will be able to love me more. And who doesnt want to be loved.... and loved some more?

____________________________________________________________

part I

I was a second and final son, born seven years after my brother, into a USAF family, in Altus, Oklahoma. WWII was far enough behind but had left scars on my pilot Dad's psyche.

James (Jim) Charles Ralph, my Dad, dreamed of being an artist/illustrator for Foote, Cone & Belding, a top advertising agency. His creative dreams were cut short when the US let go of an isolationist foreign policy, geared up for war and he was drafted as a 19 year old, into the skies over his ancestral homeland (Germany.) 

As I understand it, Pearl Harbor "woke" us to the need to become involved again in foreign wars. Isolationist foreign policy would become a relic of the past; we quickly entered a war on several continents. 

Dad had grown up in Glendale, CA. a suburb that has since become a major Armenian cultural enclave in L.A. Ironic that I sit here typing this around eighty years later--a few miles west in another little enclave (part of Hollywood) officially called "Little Armenia." It really shows me that the themes and threads and patterns of life are stronger than we might think. In my case, I’ve been told that  the Apple hasnt fallen far from the tree.”

Armenia was, historically, the first place in the world where the name "Christian" was used to denote a follower of Christ. My primary care physician is Armenian and I am friends with several Armenians, so there seems to be a connection here, maybe one that will be explored in more depth as I write this...

-or maybe not.

The marriage was tempestuous. Jim, returning from the war and stationed at McDill AFB in Tampa, was driving a convertible and, the story goes, saw my Mom, Terry-a pretty young teen who modeled fashions for a local Department store. He was a handsome "flyer" or "Airman" and she fell for him, unaware of a Church background that would eventually drive a wedge between her his family.

  My paternal Grandmother, Carolyn Care, was a devout "Christian Scientist” as my Aunt still is, at age 90-something.

She would insist that my Mom, who was a typical American mainstream Protestant Christian, submit to her and the Churches doctrine. "Science" is about the idea that all things are merely the projection of "mind" and that evil or sickness cant exist unless we agree with it and "project" it (wrongful thinking) on ourselves. I always questioned this growing up. Even at a young age, I sensed something about it I had trouble with. Later, as an adult who accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior through various “Word of Faith” ministries, I saw that there was at least partial truths in “Science” even though I still could not follow Mary Baker Eddy’s doctrine in it’s entirety.

Apparently, several months pregnant with me, my Mom contracted pnuemonia or a similar ailment. Carolyn insisted that Terry not see the physician at the Altus Air Force base hospital but turn to a "Christian Science" practitioner instead. Rebelling finally, my Mom went to see the doctor at the base. He supposedly told her that, had she waited even another day, she might have lost the baby (me.) 

Only a few years later, at a Base in San Antonio, Texas, the troubled marriage fell apart with my Mom falling in love with my Pediatrician. I had asthma, most likely something that was brought on by the stress of my parents troubled marriage and she routinely brought me to see him at the base. Regardless of whether I chose to make these things a focus or no

t, they did shape who I choose to be today. I was raised from age 6-7 to 18, by a Pediatrician step-Dad (with my Mom) but my Paternal families Christian Science also had a strong influence on my thinking. 

It was an incredible duality and one I'm doubtful that many (or any?) others have experienced: a parental control and influence struggle between the ideals of Big pharm/modern medicine and "christian science," between the medical establishment and the "alternative healing" movements that originated in Christian metaphysical camps in19th century America.

Today, Health Care is probably the biggest debate in America. And the debate rages around the same two poles- alternative healing vs traditional medicine. Having deep experiential knowledge of both, puts me in a very unique position. Seeking, finding and practicing right doctrine ("righteousness") is central to my life and you can see why: wrong doctrine might have aborted me before I was born. RIght doctrine might have saved my life. The truth about God, his Love and his healing power, is not just "armchair theology" or something I engage in on special Holidays; its always at the core of every decision I make, every day of my life.

PART II

After surviving my Moms sickness and coming into this world as "Mark James Ralph," my first memory of infancy comes from our two story home in Cambridge, UK. where we moved when I was about 2?

My Dad was stationed at Alconbury AFB, about 25 miles away from Cambridge. I actually remember climbing out of my 2nd floor crib and crawling down the stairs, into the living area where my parents and 8 or 9 yr old brother were gathered!

Eventually I started walking and my best friend, a Brit, Andrew lived across the street.

We lived near open land where some Cows lived. I remember a Harvester machine that was called a “Combine” for some reason that I dont know.  I guess seeing it up close-the machinery, the complexity, the sheer power. The blades and the wheat being “threshed”. -All biblical themes, impressed me greatly...

We lived in a suburb of Cambridge, near some farmland and near a stand of trees called "the woods." 

My first "naked" (sexual) experiences were in Cambridge. I saw a male cow on the other side of the fence I was standing by, attempting to mate, jump up on top of a female cow. I was only a few feet away, on the other side of the fence--what the male cow did was so sudden, so unexpected and seemed -I dont have the word for it- not "brutal" (because it was "love" but invloved thousands of pounds of weight and muscle that could have killed a small child had I been involved!) but maybe just “alarming.” I was only about 4 or 5.

Now I’m going to bring up some very personal, private things that most people only reveal to their therapist. They may or may not end up in the final edit however I feel obligated, because of the name of the book-obligated to include them here...

I also initiated a "curious" childhood intimate encounter with Andrew in my bathroom at that time. I mention this only to bring up the topic of gay indocrination. I have no idea why, to this day but this "gay" encounter did not result in my growing up gay.

A few years later, in Wichita Falls, Texas, I initiated another "curious" encounter with a girl my age. We knelt down beside the wheel well of a car in the parking lot of our Apt complex, "TheTimbers" in the dark, at night, where I lifted her skirt to investigate her private parts.

She seemed to go along with it; at least there were no protests, as there had been none with Andrew. Apparently, I preferred the "female" more than the male because I never again had a sexual encounter with a male. Interesting that I remember Andrews name but not the girls name! Is this kind of thing just wired into our DNA? I think so.

I'm not sure what this says about the "born gay" issue but there it is... The result (I think) of these encounters, was this: even as a very young child, I had strong sexual urges which I had no trouble acting on when the opportunity arose. I dont remember sexual feelings ever becoming obsessive ( a good thing) but they were for sure there.

On another note, I remember walking off with Andrew (I think) into the local "woods." Woods is a cool name that has returned as the Church (M O S A I C) I attend locally uses the word in place of "Hollywood." They have several Campuses and use the term "The Woods" for the Hollywood Campus.

Andrew and I apparently, around age 4-5? decided to go on a hike into the woods one day, without telling anyone. My parents (not sure about his) were pretty upset. When I returned, they were happy I was safe. I never did anything so "adventurous" again. I think that was because I didnt want my parents to be so stressed.

I also remember a somewhat traumatic event around the time I was in my crib: my brother had caught a minnow, in a local stream. He had kept it in a jar aqaurium placed on my windowsill. The disturbing thing was that the fish jumped out of its "cage" (the jar) one day and out the window, falling two stories to its death on the concrete (or something hard) surface below.

By age 4 or 5, I had already seen and/or experienced both sex and death. Hollywood, here I (decades later) came.  

Part III

Ahhh, England. I have such fond memories of the years I spent there as a child-truly formative years and I am so deeply thankful that my formative years were spent there. To my best recollection, I spent my 2nd, 3rd and 4th years in Cambridge. 

When I began to speak (at a precocious young age) I spoke with an English accent. I remember my Mom dropping me off at "Shrubbery School" for the first time and the fear of abandonment I felt.I remember my first teacher, a wonderful Lady named "Mrs Clark" and how I related that to a candy bar that existed around that time, known as a "Clark Bar." 

My Mom dropped my off in our English Sports car-I think it was red, a "Sunbeam Alpine." That car was shipped all the way to Texas eventually and my Mom kept it even through her divorcing my Dad. Cambridge was rich with experience and wonder. I cant imagine a more perfect place for my early years and it left a deep appreciation for Brits in my soul, still there to this day. I would go so far as to even call myself an "Anglophile."

At school, we memorized the multiplication tables and began to learn the alphabet-at age 4! When we moved to San Antonio, TX, -when I was five-the school system there wanted to place me in Kindergarten! 

Thank god for the Mt Olive Lutheran School (off the 410 "loop") -where my parents eventually enrolled me. They were still not as advanced as Shrubbery School back in Cambridge, did but at least a better option than public schools.

My mind is flooded with lush beautiful imagery from Cambridge: 

-my Mom riding horseback in the countryside with her Horse riding club 

(and how later that might have played a factor in two girls I was attracted to and a novel "Diana" that affected me deeply in my teens) 

-My brother Christopher playing "conker" with Chestnuts tied to sholeaces! (only the brits would devise a game like this!)

-My brother relating a Jaguar or some other sports car "flying" by his school at some increditble speed. The drama and awe with which he related this formed in me an early apprecation for fast cars,one which has continued to this day.

The "punts" on the Cam river and the gorgeous Colleges in Cambridge, that all seemed to be named after Jesus or Mary! 

When I hear Christians acting as though the intellect isnt important now, I cringe. Cambridge was the birthplace of intellectualism and Christian thought. C.S. Lewis lived and worked there. Christianity is the most advanced culture of philosophy and Academic systems. The fact that atheism largely eradicated these roots  in the 20th Century is a very sad thing indeed and something I hope my life can be part of reversing. For Centuries, being a Christian and being an intellectual, a thinker, were synonomous. While I appreciate experiential knowledge and mysticism, lets not throw out suc a glorious inheritance so easily.

."http://histclo.com/country/eng/pe/pe60johnsc.html

NOTES for more stories to come: 1. B-day in St Tropez, the large round tray of raosted nuts, possible topless female sunbathers. The back seat of the VW bug, winding through the mountains in South of France, then LifeCycling through the area as an adult working out "Spinning" Berchtesgarden, the Bus, the rock thrown down the cliff into the forest, the rock that broke something...My brother and the Jaguar going 100. Shrubbery School, the rubbish can, "conquer" nut game with chestnuts. My brothers weird hobby of using sewing kits to lower things out hotel windows, then later doing the same to recover bottle caps in San Antonio. The possibility of this project being a catalyst for restoring my relationship with my brother and even step-Dad. How God restores family. The "punts" on the river Cam, Wimpy Burges and Brits eating burgers with knife and fork. How I envisined "the states" and in my mind saw a Giant "steak. The pass-through window-a first architectural design feature. My first bike, how I copied Andrew and the bike had front wheel brakes, how we'd ride around the block. Snow, and my first snowman, snowball fights.going w my family into some woods where my Dad chopped down a Christmas tree. First Christmas's. Alconbury AFB, the hangar. I was impressed and it made my Dad look so cool. I felt bad that he had to drive 25 miles, that seemed so far. Our trips to London. FIsh & Chips. Sightseeing, the trains. The White cliffs of Dover. My favorite TV show about the creatures that lived on the banks fo the river.

Highlights of a life well and not so well, lived:                        

Lived in or visited: the UK, Germany, The Netherlands, Belgium, Texas, MS, NorCal, FLA, DC, Virginia, West VA, New Orleans, AZ, New Mexico, Austria, Switzerland, Denmark, France. HIGHLIGHTS:

Celebrated my 4th B-day in the South of France. Crossed the English Channel age, 12 on a Hover craft

Visited (Hitler’s lair in Berchtesgarden) age 4.

Visited Monticello (Jefferson’s home) age 4

Crossed the Atlantic in a commercial Airliner several times, aged 4-14.

Skied in the Swiss Alps and Lake Tahoe, age 10-12.

Lived in a Penthouse on the Rhine river, age 11-12.

Rode the train from Wiesbaden to Stuttgart, Germany age 12.

Visited Castles on the Rhine river, age 11-13.

Flew, as 10 yr old passenger, in a small Cessna, from San Diego to Tampa.

Rode or drove from the South or Texas, to CA, several times age 10-30’s.

Crossed the Pacific (Hawaii) as an adult.Vacationed in Maui, Palm Springs, Santa Barbara, Switzerland, The Netherlands, London, Paris.

Attended several F1 “Grand Prix” races around Europe and Long Beach, CA and Autosports events, age 8-12, Around America. Won several non-pro autosports trophies, age 20-22. Won #1 Singles (Tennis) MVP Trophy in High School, age 18.  

Got to State Finals on HS Tennis team age 18.

Won several 1st place ribbons in Biloxi, MS Art Shows, age 17.

Was offered Art Scholarship to Ole Miss University, age 18.

Paid $5000 to write a Greek Comedy movie script (Middle Age)

Twice paid $5000 to paint oil portraits (Middle Age)

Starred in a Prime Time major News Network Reality Show (one episode) (Middle Age)

Enjoyed hundreds of hikes in Griffith Park and other local trails. (Middle Age)

Had two jobs as live-in Private Chef in a $1.5M luxury Homes (Middle Age) in the Hills, in L.A.

Was hired by Ben Affleck, given my own trailer and worked on an Oscar winning film (ARGO, as on-camera hand double/sketch artist) Middle Age. As a visionary: saw self driving cars, in 2002, mobile hands free phones in 1995, “Gravity” script, in the 1980’s, MTV music videos, at age 12, years before MTV, the Hyperloop in 1995. Written 12 feature film “spec” scripts (Young-Middle Age) Married 11 years, divorced and re-established financial trust with my ex wife, now close friends and writing partners with her. Have experienced total melt-down/destruction of a marriage and the total rebuilding of that friendship. Have been friends with a few celebs. (actors, singers) Partied in Hollywood clubs and luxury homes, all over Los Angeles, hundreds of times. 25--Middle age Attended numerous Pop Music or Rock concerts at almost every venue all over Los Angeles. Age 12-Middle Age Interviewed on a West L.A. Sound stage, along with 5 of my paintings, for a SHOWTIME 35 mm film doc on Marilyn Monroe that Premiered at the Palm Springs Int. Film Festival, age-30’sAttended the Premiere of that Film, in Palm Springs, where I enjoyed minor, fleeting celebrity status.My art appeared once, in PEOPLE magazine.

30’sI enjoyed backstage at a MOODY BLUES concert at Universal Amphitheater.

20’sI had a Publicist for my Art -30’s.

I’ve had front-row box seats at the Hollywood Bowl. Middle AgeI

met the Great-grandson of the founder of Hollywood. Middle age

I’ve visited or worked on, every major studio lot in Los Angeles and Hollywood. Young-Middle AgeI’ve enjoyed beaches in Maui, Los Angeles, Northern California, Mississippi, Florida and The Netherlands. 4-Middle Age I attempted to surf in Malibu. 20’s Been to Art Museums all over the world, including numerous visits to the Getty in Brentwood. 4-Middle Age Helped my architect brother flip homes many times in Los Angeles. 20’sDesigned many residences as an Architecture student/aspiring architect, in High School. Designed and contracted a hip, post-modern Silver Lake Laundry to Bathroom conversion, in budget. Middle Age Enjoyed hundreds of great shoulder/full body/foot massages Young-Middle age Swam in secluded pools on Maui -Middle AgeHad amazing revelatory spiritual experiences as a Christian 20’s-Middle Age. Attended/Worshipped Jesus at almost 20 different Church locations all over Los Angeles over 1000 times since 1993. Studied every major religion in depth 20’s-Middle Age. Sold almost 200 original paintings. 20’s Middle Age Had several one-man shows at Cacao, a popular West L.A. Coffee shop, owned by the Designer of iconic BigFoot Lodge in Atwater Village. 30’sCurated several group shows at Cacao. 30’s Participated in several ground breaking group show/parties at the infamous Black Cat Gallery in Mar Vista. Middle Age Been paid as: Photographer, Designer, Contractor, Writer, Musician, Oil Portraitist, Organizer and Chef. 12-Middle Age Worked on almost 200 professional movie, TV or commercial sets in a variety of positions. Middle Age Written, Directed and Produced several low budget short films and/or videos. Middle Age Created authentic food from many international cuisines. 30’s Middle Age Enjoyed about $5000-$10,000 in the finest restaurant cuisine in L.A., New Orleans, Germany, the Netherlands and France. 4-Middle age Briefly co-owned, with my then-wife, a catering company which catered several events. Middle Age Briefly co-owned, with a friend, a failed Hollywood event company. Middle Age.

[littleladyreads]

Little Lady Reads Interviews Terrie Branch and Justin Q Young

LLR: Who is Terrie Branch, the author?

TB: I’m a Hampton Roads VA native.  I’m a mom as well as a very ambitious serial entrepreneur and author. People who don't know me find it hard to believe that I'm shy. That's because I display a strong personality.

LLR: When do you feel is the best time to write?

TB: When my creative juices are flowing, I tend to write throughout my day because of that.  It may be while my clients are under the dryer  or after work....I write during creative moments to prevent producing a novel thats not interesting. I have to feel it, if that makes sense.

LLR: How did Fiyah come about for you?

TB: Well, I decided I wanted to write a flip-sided novel and I wanted the characters to have sexual addictions. I decided on the names Playing with FIYAH and FIYAH Starter.  At that time, I didn't know who I wanted to write the male side. I just thought it would be a dope idea to have the dialogue connect. I reached out to Justin and shared my vision for the male side and he took my vision and added his creative twist to it and nailed it! I do a lot of research before I write to try and have it sound as realistic as possible when I write.  So with that being said, I reached out to Dr. Lee, a Sex Addiction Therapist and Cardiologist. He allowed me to interview him. I wanted to get a feel of his body language and the office setting, all the way from the style of furniture to degrees that were displayed on his wall.   I even learned the differences between sex Therapy and sex addiction therapy. It was really an intriguing process. I also used that interview to inspire my short story in Sex Therapy, produced by Shauta Kenerly where I wrote under my erotica pen name, Love Jonez.

LLR: For the readers that aren't aware that there is a difference between sex therapy and sex addction therapy, explain the difference and why you chose to write about one over the other.

TB: Well, like the readers, I was clueless as well. I stepped into the doctors office unaware of this. He explained to me that in Sex Therapy, a person may have an issue having sex for whatever reason and go to see a Sex Therapist. Pretty much, they can't get right. Wherein a person thats overactive in the sex department or shows signs of addiction to sex for whatever reason may go to see a sex addiction therapist. I chose to write about it because I simply wanted to write something outside of the box.

LLR: What led you to feel that you need a male's perspective in the book?

TB: I just thought it would be a nice added touch. I knew there would be scenes where dialogue connected. So, the aim to quench the audience's thirst from both points of view was definitely my goal! 

LLR: Was there anything in particular that was hard when writing this book?

TB: No ...I can honestly say I didn't have any challenging moments while producing this novel.

LLR: What is one thing you look forward to being an author?

TB: Being an inspiration to others that may be sitting on great literature ideas and having hesitation about moving forward with it.

LLR: Who have been some of your mentors in the business?

TB: My publisher Shaunta Kenerly.  He is amazing and has such an even temperament .  He's intelligent and definitely knows the business. 

 LLR: Whats next for you?

TB: I'm currently writing a suspense murder titled "Death by Chocolate". I'm excited about it mainly because its a new genre for me.

LLR: Say something to your readers.

TB: First, I would like to thank all of you for your support. I really appreciate you ROCKING OUT with me. For giveaways, updates on new releases and upcoming events please follow me on  the following social media outlets

Twitter: BossLadyTerri Facebook: Authoress Terrie L Branch Instagram: Author_Terrie_L_Branch You can purchase my novels on any major retailer sites including Barnes and Noble,  Books-a-million,  Amazon, as well as Wal-Mart. You can also purchases my novels with my custom scented coordinating candle line by clicking the SHOP NOW link on my author page for your reading experience! I just love yall! Author Terrie L Branch

Justin’s interview

LLR: Who is Justin Q. Young, the author?

JQY: As an author, I am descriptive. I like creating stories & visuals for people that I feel are relatable issues, situations or scenarios.

LLR: When do you find it most convenient to write?

JQY: The way my life is set up, whenever I can. It may be a little in the morning, it may be none the next day and then one day I may write a good 4K words, so it all depends.

LLR: Is there any must haves that you must be near before you sit down to write?

JQY: No, there is nothing that I need, other than peace. When I sit down to write, I don’t want to be interrupted and I tend to block out everything.

LLR: What birthed your need to write?

JQY: I needed an outlet. I have always been creative, I just didn’t initially have that faith in my own talents to stand on them by themselves. You know most dudes in the streets have untapped skills but for whatever their reasons are they are using selling coke as a crutch, robbing as a crutch etc. So here I was in prison doing 6 years and I wanted to tell a story about how a dude wanted to shortcut his way to success. It was mirroring my own journey sorta speak. My intentions at first when I wrote my book was just to see it complete, like have something tangible that I can say “I did.” After I wrote “Move Dat Doe”, I started learning the industry a little more and started thinking about my own identity in it. That birthed “Dickmitized”.

LLR: Tell us about your story in Fiyah.

JQY: The story Fiyah was actually an idea that Terrie came up with. We were looking to collaborate on a story that would be a little different from the norm. So here you have 2 characters dealing with 2 sexual dysfunctions. The female, Kara, has had all this fear instilled in her about men that she masturbates. She has to do it any and everywhere when she gets the urge. Dakari on the other hand is dealing with trying to have some sense of normalcy in his life but finds that he is only sexually free when he is being watched or knowing that he is.   As you read the stories you get a chance to see through their eyes their struggles, then towards the end you find how the two meet and begin exploring the potential but with respect to their fears. It’s an amazing story that we are actually going to be getting a part 2 out for soon.

LLR: Was there any special research put in your behalf that helped with penning your side of the story?

JQY: I did some research on the topic online reading about the different sexual dysfunctions, then started writing. I was about a quarter ways in before I reached out to a friend of mine on Facebook who deals with mental health. I ran the idea and the direction by her & she was like nooooooo! By reading, I was only seeing it from that perspective see what I mean, with her daily involvement with mental health personalities, she gave me better insight.

LLR: What are you hoping others take or learn from this book?

JQY: I’m hoping that readers take from this book an understanding that different things can impact us sexually. What our views of normalcy isn’t always normal but then just because you need other factors to be stimulated doesn’t make you weird either.

LLR: What was the best part of writing this book?

JQY: The best part of writing was meshing the two characters. It was fun going back n’ forth with Terrie writing. Both of our schedules are CRAZY, but once we got into the groove of things it was like we were in sync.

LLR: What can we expect next from you?

JQY: Right now I’m juggling several different projects, a nonfiction based off my life, writing another part to Dickmitized, Queen & In His Feelings. All of these are on my computer as we speak. Some of the readers may know that I am an artist as well so these Paint n’ Sip events have been keeping me active and introducing me to a whole new audience.

LLR: Say something to your readers.

JQY: To all of those who have read anything I’ve written, my novels or the short stories...thank you for the support. I appreciate the comments, the feedback as well as the pictures you send with the books. Continue with me as I grow.

Justin Q Young can be found On social media: 

Instagram: firstborn_designs Facebook: Justin Q Young & Justin Q Young Jr LIKE PAGES: firstborn designs & Paintnsipwjustinqyoung (Paint n’ Sip w Justin Q Young) www.firstborndesigns.com