#narc abuse survivor

[your-dearly-demented]

narc abuse isn’t real, cry about it 👍

nobody’s saying your experiences aren’t valid, what we are saying is that you don’t need to drag down a group of already stigmatized individuals to talk about your experiences.

just call it what it is - emotional abuse - and move on. pwNPD aren’t more likely to abuse someone than anybody else, because abusing someone is a conscious decision that someone has to make. both pwNPD and people without are capable of making that choice

hope this helps 😊

hoo boy I was just gonna delete this but there is a BIG mistake here. abusing someone isn't always a conscious choice. this is not a justification for it, but trauma disorders like NPD are a result of developing specific "defense mechanisms" in order for the traumatized individual to stay safe. for some trauma victims, these defense mechanisms can be anything from unconsciously forcing themselves not to cry, to using the behavior of their abuser to defend themselves, to, surprise surprise, needing control over situations and individuals to feel safe and feeling unsafe and threatened and therefore angry + irritable when that idea is disrupted. trauma victims can have "unsavory" or harmful defense mechanisms, and NPD is an example of such. i myself am willing to admit that im not perfect, that in arguments i've guilt tripped people and put down their issues and only realized I'd been a mirror image of my mother because i learned to use her own words against her to protect myself because it's the only thing she understands.

[ID: A screenshot from a medical paper about defense mechanisms. It begins with a cut off sentence from above. "- disordered brain. The difficulty is that, often, as with hypnosis, defenses like my grandson's denial of danger compromise other facets of cognition. Perhaps Freud's most, original contribution to human psychology was his inductive postulation in 1894 that, unconscious defense mechanisms protect the individual from painful ideas, emotions, and realities. Freud observed that not only could emotion be "dislocated or transposed" from ideas (by the mechanism Freud would later call isolation) but, also that emotion could be "reattached" to other ideas (by displacement) and that the idea accompanying the emotion could be "forgotten" by repression." END ID]

If you're willing to listen to what I have to say, there are numerous other sources on this topic. Here is the source I took the screenshot from.

Please note that it does include mentions of SH throughout if you decide to read.

tl;dr, pwNPD and NPD folk are in fact more likely to abuse someone than others because abusing and manipulating a person isn't always a conscious choice, it can be a defense mechanism from trauma to exhibit harmful behaviors to feel safe, something I've experienced and done myself, and pwNPD and NPD are both trauma disorders.

I've exhibited these harmful defense mechanisms myself, the only thing that I want from NPD folk are things that i already expect from myself. be self-aware of your actions, and give fellow survivors a place to talk about their experiences. I'm not, and never will say that a narcissistic person will "suddenly grow devil horns and have black eyes". That's ridiculous and dehumanizing. I ask that you be self-aware and let people talk without crossing over into their space to invalidate them and their experiences. That is so little to ask.

[glitchcourse]

I wanna say a few words on "narc abuse" that have probable have been said before, but that I want to say noneless. I'm not excusing anyone who believes this is a real thing, I just wanna talk about it because I need to get it out.

Being abused fucks up your world, it always does. It wrecks your feeling of safety and trust, and makes you feel helpless. This is true for all abuse survivors. Now of course, there are terms like emotional or physical abuse (and others), which suffice for describing specific kinds of trauma. But for some reason, people find it necessary to drag people down with them. They blame pwNPD (and other cluster b disorders ofc), because that's easy. It doesn't matter that NPD is often caused by that same trauma they went through themselves, narcissists are "the bad guys".

Because it's easy. It is so so much easier to blame one group of people as "always bad" than it is to admit that anyone is capable of bad. It feels more secure. It feels more safe. Because it allows to you blame all Bad Things on the Bad People and ignore that all people are capable of being hurtful.

But it's not going to help. People will be morally ambiguous no matter what. Nobody is going to feel better if we blame a group of innocent people (and fellow survivors) for our problems.

Narcissists (or other cluster bs) are not the enemies, abusers are. For everyone.

[solitaryschizoid]

i fucking hate the phrase "narc survivor" bitch us narcissists are trying so fucking hard to survive our OWN disorder, get our name out of your fucking mouths, you didn't "survive a narcissist" you survived ABUSE from an ABUSER!

[mirroringshards]

"narc abuse has nothing to do with npd!!" "narcissism isnt npd" then please explain that to the other people in your community like this.

be real. its about npd. the other people in your community fucking argue so. narc abuse = npd and its fucking harming us stop pulling "nArc iS aN aDjEcTiVe!!" out of your fucking ass and grow up.

[narcitism]

narc abuse truthers really say "My ex was a narcissist!" no honey, no. we love ourselves too much to date you.

[92fs]

At the end of the day, the only person truly suffering from NPD, surviving NPD, and feeling hurt by NPD is the narcissist who has this condition.

With that being said, #surviving narcissism, #surviving npd, #narc survivor are our tags now.

[doomsdayradio]

actually the rate at which pwNPD are completely dehumanized at every turn is literally sickening. think of any basic human function or desire and i bet you there's a "narc abuse" poster out there who's made it out to be awful and abusive and evil just because a narcissist did it. there are literal articles out there detailing how to manipulate us into crashing and yet we're gaslighted by half the fucking population saying we're the abusive ones because of a personality disorder most of us developed due to being abused ourselves.

[teratophilia]

Do not tell ignorant morons how many of their favorite characters check out as genuine clinical narcissists! Oh, you have a problematic favorite? Oh, you like a character with grey morality? Oh, you prefer personalities with a sense of pride that don't spend their kindness on anyone but their people? Oh, you crave to be the one special person that one otherwise distant character will treat differently? Come on, there's like a 95% chance your favorite is a narcissist and you fucking love them.

[whatwedoinsilence]

Abuse comes in waves. So does pain.

You spent months being civil with each other, kind even. They do things for you, buy you clothes, groceries, say nice things and ask about your day. And you start to forget. You start to feel guilty. Why did I hate them? Why was I angry? Why did I want to leave? That was awfully mean of me. They need me. If I leave, they'll be all alone.

Then it all comes crashing down. One little thing lights up the flames and sparks a reaction. It happens fast, but feels like it lasts a lifetime. They say "things they didn't really mean", they "let anger get the best of them", and you're at the receiving end, scared, alone and not able to react.

And you start to remember. You place this memory with all the others, like a bunch of crystal ornaments on a shelf. You start noticing the patterns. You even make excuses for them. I was too loud, too aggressive, too mean. I deserved it. I deserve this.

Hours later, when you're safe and sound in your room, the reaction finally hits. You cry and sob, you want to scream but know you can't. You want to leave but have nowhere to go. You have no choice but to stay put and feel the pain. The pain from this moment and all the others that preceeded it. The pain from all the chances you had to leave but didn't take. The pain from all the instances you believed they changed.

And you know, once they wake up, it'll be like it never happened. Kind words and kind gestures, all over again. And you have no choice but to play along, otherwise who knows what might happen.

Every week. Every month. Every year. A new little crystal ornament for my collection. A new memory for me to obsess over and try to prove to myself that it wasn't that bad, that I barely got hurt, that it could've been worse.

I wonder how long it'll take for the next ornament to arrive. I wonder if I'll have enough space for it on the shelve.

[fixingantinpdableism]

[id: text against a pastel blue background. most of the text has been blacked out to say "narcissists hold grudges. They remember every time you made them feel inadequate, every time you denied them, every time you didn't defend them /end id]

this post is made by a transgender person with npd. terfs and narc abuse believers fuck off

[greenevergreens]

Narcissistic abuse is real, and don't let ANYONE try to convince you that the hell you went through didn't happen and no matter what DO NOT let ANYONE convince you that YOU are in the wrong for talking about the abuse you endured and giving that abuse the appropriate name of narcissistic abuse.

[narcissism-awareness]

Very confused about the term "NPD survivor"

Like you do realize that pwNPD are the ones who have to "survive" it 24/7?? Who deal with not only being mentally ill and traumatized but being heavily stigmatized for no reason?

Abuse survivors, what you went through is tough, I know firsthand. But you don't know what it's like to survive NPD.

[alostlittleriverlotus]

the fact narcissists, antisocials, pwPDs are required to be in recovery and getting help to be treated with decent respect and still won't get that respect because people will see the disorder and instantly think abuser/not human/psychopath/sociopath in derogatory ways says a lot.

We are told to get help, but the ableism of (disorder) abuse prevents us from getting help. The demonization of us prevents us from even finding resourceful articles to help us. Many professionals won't treat personality disorders because of stigma. Yet we're told to get and help and are treated like we're the ones unwilling to get help. That it makes us less acceptable because we don't get help.

If we have to be perfect human beings in recovery and so mature and self aware and basically everything positive and nothing negative to be worthy of respect and still will have people bombard us for simply having a disorder, that is ableist. These expectations wouldn't be on neurotypical shitty people or those without personality disorders. And the group of those with BPD lumping themselves in with being "anti narcissist" do nothing. These same stereotypes were there for BPD. I've seen BPD called Bratty Princess Disorder, told that they can't love, been called an emotional leech for having BPD.

The requirement that we must all be perfectly recovered healthy people to be acceptable and not treated like dirt or like monsters is the ableism we are calling out. But then narc abuse folks will take their trauma and use it as an excuse for throwing us under the bus.

Guess what. My abusive mom has NPD. The NPD doesn't make her abusive. She simply is a narcissist (neutral usage.) She's not abusive cause she has NPD. It doesn't make her more likely to be abusive. Her NPD doesn't create a unique type of abuse. She's just my mom that's abusive that has NPD cause of her own trauma. That's it.

Like I have to monitor my tone, I have to ensure everything I do is written perfectly, just to avoid being hurled verbal abuse and being told I'm a liar or treated poorly. I have to work so hard to be the patient and calm one and still won't be taken seriously. And if we're using abuse as justification, using my own emotions against me is exactly what my abusers did. I am not lesser because I get upset. I am not lesser because I have emotional regulation problems. I am not lesser because I don't monitor my tone. A lot of these also intertwine with my autism and BPD too.

So yeah. Telling someone to go get help or they should be in therapy fucking sucks. You don't know us, you don't know our experiences. Telling narcissists and pwPDs in general to be in therapy while simultaneously making it difficult for us to get help is ableist. We can't look up npd without being bombarded with how to spot a narcissist. Using the narcissism tag shows a lot of narc abuse stuff that stigmatizes us. And when we explain and ask you, calmly or not, you will not listen and paint us as villainous. You fit your own definition of narcissism by that logic. Big scary narcissism.

Maybe if you want narcissists to get better, stop making it difficult for us to get help. And you may not want narcissists dead, but I have seen natc abuse people who do. Look who you are siding yourself with. Look at the arguments you use and really examine them. They are similar thinking to other forms of ableism and other types of bigotry. We are expected to act perfectly or we are discredited.

No disorder makes someone more likely to be abusive. An abuser having a disorder that may impact the abuse does not make it (disorder) abuse. This kind of ableism WILL come back at you and is STILL being used against all disorders even if it's only popular for certain disorders. You won't win this way.

We just want you to fucking listen without getting defensive and using your trauma as a reason to feel justified in being ableist. I'm sorry for what you went through, but it will NEVER give you the right to stigmatize a group of people and lump a disorder in with abusers.

The things I've seen narcissists called or compared to is disgusting. Seeing psychopath narcissist is disgusting. Actually just be normal about mentally ill people for fucking once. And if we're using trauma to justify stuff, WE ARE TRAUMA VICTIMS AND ABUSE VICTIMS TOO!!!!!!!

Literally just stfu and stop. I've made posts being nicer about it, but frankly it's 2:30 am and I don't give a shit. I'm mad. And me being mad does not discredit anything I have said. You can listen or you can block me and move on.

Again, this post is very centered on narcissists/npd, but this goes for any abuse that may get treated as abusive. Y'all are just as welcome here in this safe space. Any disorder that gets lumped in with abuse is welcome here cause fuck that ableism. You're not abusive for having a disorder. Your disorder doesn't make you more likely to be abusive. You don't deserve the shit you get. We love you here :)

[neurotypicalabusesurvivor]

Dispite what narc abuse truthers will have you believe, most abusers can feel empathy, they just dehumanize the people they abused.

The vast majority of abuser do not have ASPD or NPD. They just don't see you as 100% human. They dehumanize you.

Yes having ASPD or NPD may influence how they go about it but that doesn't mean it is the root caused.

Or do you think people with ASPD and/or NPD are immune to the patarachy, racism, queerphobia, capitalism and all the other systems which drive people to abuse and dehumanize others?

[narcitism]

they make us sound kinda badass

[92fs]

Man it must be such an easy world to live in where every abuser you meet is an "evil narc". You don't even need to fucking think about how to actually protect yourself. Just read a couple of pseudoscientific papers on how to "get the narc!!" half of which is just lies that will not work and half of which is advice on how to cause genuine psychological distress in anyone, not just pwNPD.

It must be so easy to live in the world where abuse comes from narcs alone or majorly narcs, even though the disorder is extremely rare. You can even lull yourself into thinking that “how to catch a narcissist” will secure you, which it won’t.