#neil you must be so proud

[sic-vita]

Tom Sturridge on becoming Morpheus

What is a dream if not the most lucid articulation of our true selves… He knows how everyone feels … and is in fact the most extraordinarily empathetic being but is managing this unstable thing which is the collective unconscious of the universe, this incredibly dangerous thing, just all of our feelings, and to manage that he has to push it all down into his belly and hide it because the consequences are disastrous…And I wanted to play someone who had that struggle. 

(BFI) 

There’s a line in the book where John Dee is driving with Rosemary and he says to her: “Dreams are real but they’re made of viewpoints, images, memories, puns and lost hopes” and I think my assembly of the pieces of the character is not dissimilar to that 

(Headliners podcast, BBC Radio 5 live) 

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

hey ! i wasn't in the fandom yet for "EVERY" so could you tell how did Neil react ? must have been crazy!

Hiya! :) Well, Neil was not happy! :( (heartbroken and unhappy with the amazon promotional person that did it) And it was during the writer strike so he couldn't tell his unhappiness amazon either. But I am really proud of how the fandom was able to contain the leak so when people after new hours came to internet it was all gone and kept discussed only in spoiler channel places on discord and such :).

[catboygretzky]

Exyblr Dashboard Simulator based on what I personally see on sportsblr:

2/?

📜 realexyblog

haiku because exy is back:

GOD, why are my teams

SO fucking bad at exy?

FUCK this FUCKING sport.

#and i watch sports for why? entertainment? no way

243 notes

♛ queen-of-exy

I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! KEVIN DAY IS A QUEEN SHES LITERALLY A QUEEN ITS ON HER FACE

💃fox-me-up follow

queen on the court, pillow princess on the mattress amiright

♛ queen-of-exy

ive never felt more understood, I am kissing you w tongue

#marry me tumblr user fox me up

411 notes

🌞 blonde-jeremy-knox

i'm just gonna say it. i know we're all thinking it. jeremy knox eats ass like it's his JOB.

👁 jean-mor-uhoh

babe literally no one was thinking that but i'm proud of you for speaking your truth

#we're friends but what cost. when all u talk about is jeremy knox eating ass.

31 notes

🧚 goalie-stan

#dan wilds #psu

205 notes

🌄 softkevinday follow

He lived. He served cunt. He died. He was Resurrected. Served more cunt.

#kevin day

605 notes

👸🏻 kevindazed follow

absolutely busted a fucking nut watching kevin day switch hands like that oh my god my nut was so forceful it created a new dimension.

🏳️‍🌈 gay4stickball follow

hey can i join you in that dimension

👸🏻 kevindazed follow

Sure, just bring some snacks or something

🏳️‍🌈 gay4stickball follow

hell yeah!!!!!!

#thanks youre the best do you like doritos?

197 notes

😎 foxyknoxy

the best exy team in the nation is a LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE how many of those students even go to the games when your school is full of artists and theater kids. your student section must be wACK

😎 foxyknoxy

*sorry, 2nd best exy team in the nation

#fuck you theater kids!!!!!!!! can't even appreciate a good sport !!!!! anyway go trojans

99 notes

🙈 ittybittyminny follow

Andrew Minyard should get a little bite and chew. As a reward. Maybe a small gnaw. nomnomnom Maaaaaybe as a treat he can rip a throat out, but only if he's really really good

#only if he's REALLY GOOD and maybe tests negative for rabies but whatever you can't win em all

126 notes

🏳️‍🌈 gay4stickball follow

favourite exy rarepair????

☀️ usctrojanny

ACTUALLY !!!!! was thinking about this earlier and while ive never seen anyone talk about it.......aaron minyard and neil josten would be 👀 kinda cute???

🏳️‍🌈 gay4stickball follow

omg wait why have I never thought about guys before!!!!!!!! noooo why did you say this, i can totally see it!!!!!! Neil would probably have to lean down to kiss aaron 🥺 do u think he has ever had to lean down to kiss someone 😭

☀️ usctrojanny

And obviously, u know me, im always here for a striker/backliner matchup

🏳️‍🌈 gay4stickball follow

this is all i'm going to think about for the rest of my life now, thanks, fuck you

139 notes

👅 nastyneiljosten

I want to put neil josten in a jar and shake the jar so violently he turns into sludge and then pour a drop of that sludge on to a petri dish so I can see what kind of bacteria he produces.

🦩 exyonmymind follow

what happens to the rest of the sludge?

👅 nastyneiljosten

*sluuuuuuurp* *swallowing sounds* *sluuuurp* *gargle gargle* *more swallowing sounds* yummy yummy in my tummy

487 notes

🐋 sexyexy

headcannon that neil josten is so feral bc andrew bit him and gave him rabies so now he's a literal rabid dog

👢exyinaphonebooth follow

You can't make headcannons about real people don't be freaks

🐋 sexyexy

exy players aren't real they're my little dolls that I can put into any situations I want and you can't stop me

#thanks anyway did u know andrew minyard gave neil josten rabies

143 notes

🧸 mreow-bearcats-mreow

ARE THOSE REFS FUCKING BLIND ????????!

#exy lb

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 talk-exy-to-me

Kiss cams are only acceptable during sporting events if they zoom in on two players

🗣️ jeremyknoxes follow

ok but what if they're wearing a face mask

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 talk-exy-to-me

smash your cages together obviously, don't be a pussy #love wins

🗣️ jeremyknoxes follow

fair enough

890 notes

🌸 softexy

Andrew and Aaron Minyard

#exy #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #palmetto foxes #psu #web weave #poetry

2,040 notes

[sketches4mysw33theart]

Dead Poets Society: Some Thoughts and Analysis

Essentially a stream of consciousness I had while rewatching the movie today. In chronological order as I was making notes!

✒️ Charlie talks so much with his eyebrows

✒️ Todd is tasked with taking minutes of the meetings, but I don't believe we ever see him actually do so (although it would have been nice if he did)

✒️ Cameron looks so much like a fisherman when he's smoking his pipe

✒️ Cameron's distaste for Charlie (and often for the rest of the boys) is evident super early on (e.g. when they walk out of Mr Keating's first class and Cameron says "do you think he'll test us on that stuff?" And, when he gets shut down, he throws a very angry look at Charlie and the poets. This happens several times, but as far as I remember we never see Cameron retaliate.) From this, while I don't like it, I understand why Cameron did what he did at the end of the movie because I think he felt undermined by the others and he was considered 'useful' and 'smart' for the school

✒️ Also, I do not accept that Cameron's name is Richard Cameron, he's pulling a Zendaya and goes by one name only

✒️ Mr Keating looks so disappointed in Charlie when saying "Thank you, Mr Dalton, you just illustrated the point"

✒️ I think Knox kissing Chris at the party, while somewhat gross, is necessary to show that Carpe Diem isn't always the right thing to do, as is Charlie putting the article in the paper  - i think maybe Chris not ending up with Knox would have hammered this home, especially because she seems perfectly happy with Chet. Of course, Chet's response to what happened at the party isn't fair, but it is definitely what I can see a teenage boy on the high school football team in the 50's doing. Don't choke on the bone, Knoxious!

✒️ Is Charlie trying to get thrown out of school? With the article in the paper stunt, he must have known how serious the repercussions would be, so maybe already he was considering getting out of school because he felt it wasn't the right path for him

✒️ "You made a liar out of me, Neil" - Mr Perry, I hate you

✒️ Did all of the poets, minus Neil and Knox, really squeeze into Keating's car?!

✒️ Neils little face when he comes out of the curtain, and how quick it falls when he sees his father - he's like a little kid showing a finger painting to a parent who insults it, he just wants his Dad to be proud of him

✒️ Mr Keating's face when Neil drives away after the play - I think he had an idea what was coming

✒️ That zoom in on Neil's face when his father's saying "more of this acting business, you can forget that"- he knew, then, that his dad would never change and what he was going to do

✒️ I want the doorknobs in the Perry house, specifically Neil's

✒️ The first time I watched this movie, I was so on edge when Neil was standing in front of the open window, thinking he was going to jump, and when he didn't I was like 'phew', and then the thing happened and my blood sugar spiked way up

✒️ Mr Perry saying 'my poor son' - i don't know, it rubs me up the wrong way, he has a name, he is not simply an extension of you

✒️ Cameron isn't there when the poets tell Todd what happened to Neil

✒️ The lingering image of Charlie with a tear down his face is so beautiful

✒️ Knox just clinging to Todd in the snow

✒️ The comparison between the deleted scene of Neil and Todd running lines by the lake when it's sunny and Todd running towards the lake screaming Neil's name 💔

✒️ Similarly, the comparison between Todd not wanting to speak at all in the meetings, and then the deleted scene where he reads a poem after Mr Perry takes Neil away

✒️ Charlie not singing during Neil's assembly

✒️ Ave means farewell in literature, and Charlie closing his eyes when it's sang is beautiful

✒️ Charlie carries on smoking when Cameron's coming into the attic meeting - he either knows it's Cameron or doesn't care who tf catches him doing anything bad anymore

✒️ I don't think Cameron ever actually 'believed' in Mr Keating, definitely not to the extent the others did - he never called him captain, for example, except when he realised everyone else in the common room was, and air quotes the word 'captain' in the attic. So, it raises the question why he went along with everyone even so?

✒️ While I do somewhat sympathise with Cameron, that is one of the most satisfying punches in movie history

✒️ I think Todd's parents weren't that different from Neil's, Todd's dad is clearly very authoritarian from the minute or so he's on screen (and the fact that Todd signs the paper) and his Mom says nothing in his defense, but the way Todd mouths 'Mom' breaks my heart

✒️ In what universe does acting = what Neil did? All those theatre kids and their evil, satanic rituals, forcing our kids away from school 🙄 I hate you, Mr Perry and Mr Nolan

✒️ Todd's the last one to stand up when Nolan walks into Keating's classroom

✒️ Mr Nolan complimenting Mr Pritchard's introduction is so ridiculously funny to me considering what Keating made them do to it

✒️ Mr Keating's smile to Todd through the door in the classroom has the same energy as "All my love to you poppet. You're going to be alright."

In conclusion, I adore this film.

Robin Williams, O Captain, My Captain 🫡❤️

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt XIV good omens season 2 (still not traumatic) episode 2

Here we go. It might not have been traumatic, but it has made me utterly in love with a fictional character. Great.

While everyone runs around between episode 1 and 2 to use the loo or fetch emotional support fruit, in preparation for my inevitable gay panic for Crowley, I eat an emotional support banana as the intro sequence plays.

I realise too late that bananas remind me of fellatio.

The episode begins. There are incoherent screams of BILDADDY through the chat. The phrase religious fervour and ecstasy comes to mind. I do not say it.

God and Satan are betting on a poor bloke so his goats and kids are going to be dead, Crowley has a permit to wreak havoc, Aziraphale is scandalised.

Gabriel's angel hair is very Lord Farquaad. Everyone agrees.

Jimbriel is determined to make his new dad proud, and rearranges all the books in alphabetical order of the first letter of the first sentence. Aziraphale struggles to compliment him.

CROWLEY LIVES IN THE BENTLEY. I'M READY TO RIP THROUGH REALITY'S FABRIC TO GIVE THAT IMMORTAL SOME LOVE AND AFFECTION. AND OF COURSE HE STILL KEEPS ALL HIS PLANTS AND HAS THEM IN THE BACK. @neil-gaiman WHY MUST YOU CAREFULLY CRAFT BEAUTY THAT BREAKS ME.

Anyway.

NO NOT ANYWAY I'M STILL RAGING BUT WE HAVE A SUMMARY TO DO AND I'M A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL GODDAMN IT.

Angels are assholes. Jimbriel is very supportive bookseller's son.

The shit-job subtlety attempt last episode was very powerful because TOGETHER THEY ARE STRONGER! *unicorn music*

Aziraphale strokes Crowley's chest. The fandom sobs.

Crowley suggests getting humans wet to make them 'vavoom' and the apple falls from my slack jaw mid bite.

Aziraphale and Crowley are shit at interpreting human media.

Job storyline. If I open my mouth I'll start scream-crying about how Crowley didn't even kill the goats. He had both heaven and hell's permission, orders from God and Satan, and he didn't even kill the goats. Anyway no we're not doing this now thanks.

Crowley introduces Aziraphale to food. Aziraphale goes ham on the ox rib while Crowley has a little spring awakening about his kinks. I eat my other emotional support banana in honour of the blowjob angles.

Crowley didn't even want to reveal that he'd saved the goats to Aziraphale even though Aziraphale was looking at him with betrayal, because it was for the goats and he wanted to-

Sorry. I'm so fucking normal about goats.

David Tennant and his son are having a HECK of a time.

All Crowley wanted to do was ask questions and christ if he isn't angelic who is he put goats' safety over his-

Bildaddy is the best cobbler and obstetrician. Gabriel is an idiot.

Back in actual time, Crowley gives up on Aziraphale mid-flashback and they saunter off to facilitate some lesbian romancing.

OUR BOOKSHOP. OUR CAR. PLENTY OF USE.

Boundaries, Aziraphale, please. Someone reminds us that the Bentley is all Crowley has left. I fill with preternatural RAGE again.

Aziraphale poor baby has a crisis over betraying heaven. Crowley comforts him even though Crowley fell so every defence of heaven is an attack to himself. I'm totally normal and start eating my emotional support kiwi.

Still eating my emotional support kiwi when the episode ends. Crowley says Aziraphale is too pure and angelic looking to be a demon which means that she doesn't see how pure and angelic she was while making the stars, she thinks she was marked in some way, imperfect. It is okay for her to fall, not Aziraphale.

Anyway yes summary all done.

BUT THE GOATS. CROWLEY DEFIED HEAVEN AND HELL FOR GOATS. AND-

END END THE SUMMARY NOW.

[palmettoshitposts]

ideas from a foxes with less trauma au im too lazy to actually write. they are basically just friends who’ve been thrown in the same dorms and chaos ensues. here’s what you could expect to see if you entered the dorm:

andrew is always just on top of furniture he shouldn’t be. he especially loves sitting on the fridge and kicking away anyone who tries to open in.

allison and seth are engaged in a months long “who can sneak up and punch the other the hardest” competition. allison is currently winning. the bruise on seth’s back is so alarming he has to get it checked.

nicky regularly sits on aaron’s head to “cure his homophobia”.

neil and kevin competitive juggling (because that one post about that on here has me in a fucking crack chokehold, it such a fucking funny concept)

renee painting the scenes before her in a renaissance style. they are these glorious, stunning works of art that just depict the stupid twats around her. she’s so proud of them.

dan on matt’s shoulders to change a lightbulb even though matt could 100% change it himself. she uses his ears to ‘steer’ him in different directions.

jean and jeremy live in another block but jean gets drunk at a frat party and climbs through neil’s window mistakenly. andrew comes running in hearing a loud bang and finds neil and jean on the floor - jean because he’s drunk and neil because he was sleep deprived and tangled in his duvet when he tried to get up. that’s how jean and neil become friends.

neil scales the building to meet andrew on the roof, regularly. andrew is so outwardly exasperated but he’s weirdly into it?

renee is randomly hyperfixated on bonsai, but this is ruined when kevin, drunk as all fuck, is dared to eat the leaves and ruins her progress. she gets her revenge by cutting holes into all of his socks.

neil exclusively speaks german in a terrible accent one night that actually makes nicky cry. nicky is so pained he rings erik to complain and erik pretends neil is doing a great job. nicky thinks he’s lost his mind.

jean is just constantly high and gets very philosophical. but, like, badly philosophical. he’s either asking if ants piss in a deep, thoughtful tone or quoting obscure lady gaga lyrics. jeremy, equally as high, thinks jean must be a god.

neil inhales the helium from allison’s peppa pig birthday balloon and actually cracks a rib from laughing at his own voice.

dan walks in to see kevin in stilettos with his head rubbing against the ceiling and just slowly reverses.

renee steals the mobility scooter of a homophobic old man and exclusively uses it to get around campus. she calls it the pussy wagon to stop her male gay friends from using it. surprisingly this works.

allison gives a drunken one person rendition of the wizard of oz. everyone watches and finds it hilarious but renee cannot breath by the end of it. allison has never seen the wizard of oz.

they all get high and andrew exclusively talks to them in the lyrics of all star by smash mouth.

neil coaxes an actual fox into aaron’s bed and aaron screams so loud the police get called because it sounds like someone’s being attacked. for once, no one is being attacked.

kevin is a closeted amateur ventriloquist. as in, he practises in the closet.

renee fixes all of their (in this universe, minimal) trauma by holding a weekly story time where she reads them all picture books.

[dilf-whore]

my kind of girl (part 1)

next

pairing: billy hargrove x f!reader

genre: friends to lovers! , a little fluff (?), i’m not sure really, some mentions of bullying

summary: you grow closer and closer with the redhead you tutor... and maybe with her stepbrother too

A/N: i’m back! i’m sorry i was gone for so long so many shit has happen and i lost motivation to do stuff. i hope you guys like this series, i’ll be posting the next part soon. please do let me know if you want to be tagged to the next parts! 𓆩♡𓆪. send in you requests as well! also this is not proofread.

requested: no

requests are OPEN

masterlist

・°☆

“Hi! Y/N Y/L/N? is that right?” a redhead girl approached you, hugging her skateboard. You assume she’s a middle-schooler, seeing her wary eyes as she enter the high school campus. You nod.

She sighs in relief, her body relaxing a little. “I heard that you do tutoring? Are you still available to tutor another student?” she asks. 

“Actually, I’m not teaching anyone as of the moment so I have all the time after school to tutor” You say. 

“Oh that’s great! I’m Maxine Mayfield by the way, but please call me Max. Will you be free today after school? So you can coordinate with my parents? and hopefully start today” Max rambles, fidgeting the hem of her jacket.

“Sure!” you smile.

She pulls a crumpled piece of paper and a pen in the pocket of her bag. She lifts her knee and put his skateboard on top, writing her details.

Handing out the crumpled paper to you, “4819 Cherry Lane, I’ll see you at 6. You can eat dinner there”.

"Alright see you!” you say as your wave each other goodbye.

・°☆

You turn your car at the house with the number 4819, and see a blue camaro in front looks familiar you thought. You park beside the shiny car and made your way to the front door. 

Dusting off your pants and making small fixes on your shirt. But before you could even knock on the door, a tall blonde man barged outside the door, startling you. You watched him approach his car in disbelief, didn’t even bother to apologize or even look at you. 

As he opened the driver’s seat, you took a good look at him. It’s Billy Hargrove 

“Hi! You must be Y/N? I’m Neil and sorry about my son. You know, just a little misunderstanding” A man, wearing glasses interrupted your thoughts.

“Oh y-yes that’s right” you reply.

“Please come in” 

He leads you to the dining table, and there you see a woman, who looks like Max. And of course, Max who’s smiling excitedly at you. “Hi!” she waves at you.  

You sat down beside Max, handing out to you the roasted chicken.

“So how much do you charge and what do you teach?” The woman asked.

“I charge $3 per hour, and I usually teach middle-schoolers and sometimes those in pre-school and elementary. I teach all subjects most of the time” you say. 

“Wow that’s really impressive. We’re also good with your price, can you start today?” Neil asked. 

“Yup!” you reply.

・°☆

Max brings you to her room and grabbed a spare chair for you.

“So you and Billy are siblings?” you wondered. 

“Uhm no, he’s my stepbrother and an asshole” she replied, emphasizing the word stepbrother.

You nod as you take a seat beside her.

“Before we start, is it okay if they pay you like every end of the week? my mom and stepdad are usually gone, so yeah” Max asks as she look through notebook.

“Sure no problem” you reply.

・°☆

An hour and a half has passed, and you see 8:03 on the clock. You look at Max who just finished the activity you gave her on Physics. She gives you her paper, a little scared.

Giving a small pat on her shoulder you reassure, “don’t be nervous Max, you can do it. Besides I’m here to teach and guide you every step of the way” 

After checking her work, you gave her a wide smile and a thumbs up.

“Good job! you only made three mistakes but that’s a huge improvement. I’m so proud of you” you cheer.

Max sits up straight, energy filling her body. She claps her hands excitedly like a little kid, “Oh my god! I did it! Thank you Y/N, you’re so smart”

“I told you you can do it! and there you have it the end of our first session! So, I’ll see you tomorrow? same time?” you ask.

“Yup, see you!” she reply.

You stand up and help Max tidy up her table. Piling up pieces of paper, picking up books and putting them inside the girl’s bag. You hear a loud roar of a car outside which startled the both of you.

“He’s back” Max says, rolling her eyes.

・°☆

You both go outside the room, and hear soft giggles. You and Max go further and see Billy with Carol, arm around her waist, entering the household. 

You made eye contact with Carol who’s looking you up and down with disgust. i want to gauge this bitch’s eye out you thought. God how much you loathe Carol, boosting her self-esteem by making fun of other people, judging them as if she’s perfect. You were never really made fun or judged by her, (not until now) but you are aware of how poorly she treats other students in school.

“Who are you?” Billy asks annoyed.

“She’s Y/N, my tutor. And if you don’t mind, get out of the fucking way” Max replies, motioning the pair to move aside.

She grabs you by the shoulder and quickly bring you to your car. And you swear you felt eyes staring at you from behind as you go out.

Billy watches as the girls left the house, checking you out of course.

she’s pretty

“I’m so sorry about him, I assure you he won’t be around during our tutoring sessions” 

“It’s okay Max, no need to apologize” you reassure.

You step in your car and bid your goodbyes.

Well that was something

・°☆

[exaltedfuzz]

Oh man, that three-part comic you posted. Such wonderful Skye sisters bits.... And making me want to take out Gant's knees with a baseball bat. >:| Really good content, loved the bit with the Snackoos, and the part with "SHE needs YOU?" Gant's notepad is a nice touch! Would you mind transcribing it though? Some of it is a bit hard to read. ^^; (Tiny side-note, but your British is showing; they drive on the right side in America, which means the driver's seat is on the left side of vehicles. :v )

Thank you so much! Really glad I could get both the sisters and Gant across successfully. It was originally a screenplay, so enjoy reading!

(I did realise that about the car. I didn't really want to re-layout everything... Besides, write what you know, right?)

Anyway! Here's my screenplay, under the cut. I figure pages and pages of text isn't fair to make people scroll through on my blog.

(And, in case you haven't seen it, here is my comic!)

SCENE - GANT and LANA’s office. They’re having a meeting. (set shortly after SL9)

GANT

Mighty fine to see you, Miss Skye. (shaking head) You’re always so busy… (looking up) How’s your sister?

LANA

Fine. She’s (looking aside) doing very well at school.

GANT

Such a smart girl. (nodding towards Lana) Like her big sister.

LANA

Thank you, sir.

GANT

I know you took the advanced bar. You ought to have told me yourself, Lana.

LANA

I… I did. I’m waiting on the results.

GANT

Oh, I can tell you. You passed with flying colors. Such a smart girl.

LANA

It’s a relief to hear.

GANT

Oh, Lana, don’t be so tense - we’re friends here. You and me.

Beat

‘Cause, remember, I’m the only one who knows. (uncomfortable smile)

LANA

Yes, sir. 

GANT

Lana, please - Damon. Not sir. I’ve told you before.

LANA

Yes, Damon.

GANT

(claps) That’s right. I’m so very proud of you, you know.

Beat

And I’ve done something for you.

Beat

Oh, you don’t have to thank me.

LANA

…What is it?

GANT

I’ve fast tracked you. Pulled a few strings. Talked to Blaisey, talked to the P.I.C. (very enunciated)

LANA

You didn’t have to, sir.

GANT

Oh yes, I did.  Chief Prosecutor Lana Skye.

LANA

(taken aback) Sir-

GANT

Damon.

LANA

(leaning forward in chair) Police Chief Gant, SIR! I can’t possibly accept that. What of…

GANT

Calm down, young lady. Manny? Oh, he’ll live. The prosecutors’ office needs you. You know I’m all for feminism, women in leadership.

LANA

I’ve never prosecuted in my life.

GANT

Oh, Lana, don’t talk like that. You wouldn’t want anything to happen to Ema, would you?

(Lana sits back in her seat)

Beat

I know you’re raising her on your own.

Beat

On a detective’s salary, no less.

LANA

No. Yes, I mean.

GANT

(laugh) Oh, Lana, you are a funny one. (suddenly serious) But you know what Ema did.

LANA

(chewing her nails) Yes.

GANT

It would be a shame. She’s all geared up to take up a prime position in the lab soon as she’s out of school…

LANA

She doesn’t need any help.

GANT

Oh, but she does. Did you forget? Our very own Neil Marshall…

Beat

What a diligent boy. Little too much for his own good. Maybe. (laugh)

Beat

Oh, whoops! Remind me, who killed Neil Marshall?

LANA

…Joe Darke.

GANT

Come on now. Say it with me, Lana. Ema Skye.

Beat

LANA

It was an accident.

GANT

Well, sure. That’s why we’ve worked so hard to make Ema innocent.

Beat

But I need you in the chief prosecutor’s office.

Beat

You look queasy. Why don’t we go for a swim?

LANA

I didn’t bring a swimsuit.

GANT

(laugh) Oh, you crack me up. Tomorrow, we’ll go swimming. Don’t forget, OK? I’m writing it in my diary.

LANA

I booked tomorrow off. 

GANT

Oh, did you, now?

LANA

It’s Ema’s birthday. And parents' evening.

GANT

Oh, alright then.

Beat

It must be so hard on you. 

LANA

Not at all.

GANT

Oh, don’t lie to me, Lana. Deceit isn’t a good look on you.

LANA

I’m proud to have a sister like Ema. She’s not a burden on me, if that’s what you’re implying.

GANT

Oh, no, no, no. I’d never say anything of the sort. You’re just… always so busy. Maybe it’d be for the best to send her off to a boarding school, or the like.

LANA

SIR! (clearing throat) She… needs to stay with me.

Beat

GANT

My, so animated. Tell me, “she needs to stay with you”, or “you need her to stay with you”?

LANA

(snapping, suddenly) Don’t-

GANT

Don’t what? Go on.

LANA

I do need her. She’s my sister. That doesn’t make me weak.

GANT

Oh, no. Strongest lady in the force. Soon to be strongest lady in the prosecutors’ office.

LANA

(hanging head) Yes, sir.

Beat

Damon.

GANT

Oh, I’m so happy to hear it. You and me, we’ll make sure all criminals get their just desserts. Right?

LANA

(muttered) What is “just” about this?

GANT

Watch your words, Lana. You know I take my job very seriously.

Beat

Let me know how Ema’s parents’ evening goes. Tell her uncle Damon says hi. I’ll be sure to get her a present, alright?

LANA

Since when are you “uncle” Damon?

GANT

Well, Chief Prosecutor Skye, we’re friends here, you and me.

Beat

And I’m uncle Damon.

Beat

Tell me, what does she like?

LANA

…Forensic science.

GANT

(laugh) Oh, surely there’s something a little less morbid.

LANA

(pause) I…

GANT

Surely you know. You’re such a good big sister, after all.

LANA

…She likes lots of things. It’s hard to keep up. She’s in a few clubs.

GANT

Oh, Lana… You’ve been working hard.

LANA

Don’t use that tone with me, sir.

GANT

(laugh) I’ll find her something. Why don’t I take you both swimming? 

LANA

Please don’t worry about it. Ema’s not really big on swimming.

GANT

Oh, so you do know! What a good big sister.

LANA

… Don’t come by the house, please. 

GANT

Aw, Lana. Don’t be like that.

LANA

I mean it. She told me she just wants things to be quiet.

GANT

Mmm. I’ll swing by the school carpark. 

LANA

… Fine.

GANT

Wonderful! Oh, I’m so happy. Really, I am.

Beat

Where is she now, Chief Prosecutor?

LANA

Afterschool hockey.

GANT

Mmm. Is she good at it?

LANA

I think so.

GANT

Mmm. Did you do any sports in high school, Chief Prosecutor?

Beat

LANA

…I did. Netball.

GANT

Oh! How wonderful! We should play a game of beach volleyball sometime.

LANA

Different thing. 

GANT

(laugh) Stubborn as always, Lana!

LANA

(checks watch [6:30] and abruptly stands) Sir.

GANT

Damon.

LANA

Damon - I need to leave.

GANT

Mmm.. Yes… I thought as such. After school clubs seldom run on quite so long as this.

Beat

But you will take up the position?

LANA

… Chief Prosecutor?

GANT

Oh, yes. You’ll be perfect.

LANA

I see no other choice.

GANT

Wonderful, really. I’m so glad we have this partnership, Lana. Sorry. Chief Prosecutor Skye.

LANA

Yes. Damon.

GANT

Now go on, get. Your baby sister’s waiting.

SCENE - EMA is waiting in the rain under a small shelter in the school car park. It’s getting dark, and she keeps looking at her watch. LANA’s car pulls up, and she winds the window down.

LANA

I’m so sorry, Ema.

EMA

… It’s been over an hour.

LANA

Just… Get in the car.

EMA puts her bags in the boot and sits in the passenger seat beside LANA.

LANA

(turning car around) Did you have a nice day?

EMA

Mm.

LANA

What did you have?

EMA

Chemistry. And Biology. 

LANA

And…?

EMA

And lunch.

LANA

You’re not skipping classes, are you?

EMA

No.

LANA

Then what did you have?

EMA

Math.

Beat

And English.

LANA

… How were they?

EMA

Same as always.

LANA

Working hard?

EMA

Mhm.

Beat

Um. What did you do today?

LANA

Well, paperwork, mostly.

Beat

… I have good news.

EMA

Hm?

LANA

I’m getting promoted.

EMA

Oh, what? Cool!

LANA

Mm. So, I’ll buy you something nice with my first big new paycheque.

EMA

How about a lab?

LANA

I don’t know about that… How about some proper tools? To get you started on your big forensic lab?

EMA

…That would be really cool.

Beat

So, you’re what, deputy? Vice deputy?

LANA

… Well, I have some more good news. Do you remember a few months ago when I took the advanced bar?

EMA

Mm…

LANA

Well, I passed! “With flying colors”, says Mr. Gant.

EMA

Hey! That’s great news!

LANA

… So I'm actually district Chief Prosecutor. Isn’t that exciting?

EMA

Huh?

LANA

Mr. Gant says I’ll be perfect for it.

EMA

… Wow. That must be a lot of responsibility.

LANA

It is. I’m sorry, Ema. I was in a meeting with Mr. Gant. That’s why I was so late.

Beat

He’s very insistent.

EMA

Maybe I should start driving myself home.

LANA

Don’t be ridiculous. You’re thirteen.

EMA

… Would you take me to court over it?

LANA

Yes. And myself, for neglect.

EMA

You’re so serious.

LANA

Correct.

Beat

Serious about making sure you have a great time on your birthday. (weak smile )

EMA

(weak laugh) Yeah?

LANA 

Mhm. I got you something today. Just in my bag. Have a rummage.

EMA leans back to grab a packet of snackoos out of Lana’s satchel.

LANA

I hope it’s the right thing. Not much, just from the vending machine at work. I promise I’ll get you something better tomorrow.

EMA

… Thanks. (crinkling packet between hands) I like these.

LANA

Oh, good. I wasn’t sure. Let me try one?

EMA

(opening bag) Alright.

LANA and EMA both eat

EMA

So… You’re Chief Prosecutor Skye?

LANA

Mhm.

EMA

Almost as cool as Dr. Skye, forensic expert.

LANA

… And I’m guessing that’s you?

EMA

Soon.

LANA

… Finish high school first, ok?

Beat

Ema, are you sure you still want to work with the force?

Beat

It’s ok if you don’t. The past few months have been a lot.

EMA

… I’m tough.

LANA

You are. 

Beat

I’m very proud of you, Ema.

Beat

You know what? Let's get a takeaway to celebrate. My promotion and your birthday.

[hyperfixating-rn-brb]

people. we must wait and see (to use a phrase that I loathe, despite it's necessity here) to see good omens come to its end. neil and Terry have plotted this story for decades, and decided on an ending in 2005-- an ending that neil has repeatedly reminded us that he intends to maintain.

even David's words-- "it will be a good end."

david and Michael themselves are fiercely protective of their characters (with Michael going so far as to say that if he dies, he wants david to play aziraphale as well as crowley; and david saying that he wants to come back every 2 years and film good omens until he dies). do you really think they would tolerate a poor ending for these characters? I don't think they would. they've both repeatedly spoken, david especially, about how they are proud of the ending and agree with neil that the heartbreak of the final fifteen is necessary to work towards the ending that neil and Terry imagined all those years ago.

let's be patient, take a deep breath, and well--

wait and see.

why? love.

[what-gs-watching]

“Well…maybe I’ll save you.”

I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING.

Sorry.

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

That’s not much better, is it.

I just finished The Giggle and I’m sobbing over the fact that 10 finally gets everything he was chasing and I am clearly unwell. I knew this episode was going to break me but I didn’t realize how far they were going to push us over the cliff. Like. You don’t get this in Doctor Who, not ever. That’s almost the appeal of it, sometimes. 

But Russell T Davies just ripped out everyone’s heart in the best possible way.  I really can’t.

Blorp. Okay. 

The thing is….the thing is - I think everybody needed that. How satisfying must this be for David Tennant? And Catherine Tate? How are they not fit to bursting right now? That was so beautiful, gang. And they must be so proud.

But I’m gonna focus. Also, didn’t I say catharsis? Jesus christ, you can’t get more than that. I’m pretty sure they hit the fucking limit on catharsis. Wow. I’m a mess.

Focusing, though: wherein the Doctor and Donna have to say humanity from their own terrible base instincts because the Toymaker loves a good game. 

So we open on Soho in 1925 (which, is anyone else wondering where A.Z. Fell & Co is in relationship to the street they’re showing? No? Just me? Okay cool) and we’re taken into a creepy toy shop where we meet Neil Patrick Harris doing a super weird German accent and being a general creep. He sells a dummy to a man who says he needs it for his boss, who is around the corner working on inventing the concept of television broadcasting for the very first time.  

They pop the head off the dummy and leave it in a setup surrounded by a ton of lightbulbs and they go into another room to test it all out - and it works. But the heat from the bulbs is hot, too hot, which is why they needed an object, not an actual person. But of course, the creepy toyseller was obviously up to no good, and as the broadcast continues, the dummy head melts and lets out a terrible little giggle. Clearly, we’re in trouble.

Back in the present, the Doctor and Donna are in the streets of London trying to figure out what’s happening. Some guy argues with 14 who tries to stop him from attacking a car, saying that his taxes pay for the street but he doesn’t drive and he has the right to do whatever he wants with the roadway, thank you. Perfectly sound logic, and the guy is belligerent, saying two days ago everyone in the world decided they were right and wouldn’t listen to reason.  So that’s exciting.

Soon enough, UNIT finds them and they’re told to get Wilf somewhere safe while the Doctor and Donna follow them to headquarters. Where we finally get our eyes on Kate Lethbridge-Stewart who I absolutely love, she’s the “bitches get shit done” Tina Fey gif come to LIFE. Bitch will always be the new black, and that’s Kate, and exactly how she runs UNIT, loading it full of equally brilliant women, including Shirley who we’d met when dealing with The Meep, and Melanie, who was a companion to the 6th Doctor,

Who run the world? GIRLS.

Anyway, we get into explanation mode - two days ago there was a spike in aggression worldwide, the same spike across the board. It’s affecting everyone, even the people in government, but UNIT has a fun device that helps keep everyone wearing one sane. And Kate decides she’s going to demonstrate how fucked up the situation is - she asks them to take her device offline, so they do.

And she proceeds to spew a bunch of terrible things at the Doctor - how he’s an alien with two hearts that have infiltrated them and can’t be trusted, and then she takes shots at poor Shirley who’s in a goddamn wheelchair and it’s really gross to watch, it’s one of the worst parts of humanity and she tries to avoid having her device turned back on, but they finally subdue her. It’s some serious shit, gang.

They say that the spikes aren’t coming from outside, they’re in everyone’s head, except for Donna, and Melanie, who have spent significant time in the TARDIS. And for extra fun, two days ago a satellite went up that finally connected the entirety of the earth to the internet, and now, everyone has access to a screen. 

And of course, Donna is working something out about the spike they’ve found, saying that she spent six months teaching Rose how to play the recorder; she thinks it’s a tune. Melanie sings it out and it strikes with everyone, like they’ve known it for years. And then Shirley finds it, it’s not a tune, it’s the laugh from the dummy. The Doctor figures out that the image has been burnt into television itself, into all the screens everyone is attached to every minute of everyday.

As they’re getting the date of the exact transmission, 14 gives Kate permission to shoot the satellite down, even though it’ll start an international incident. He’s the president of the world, and I love that. Her relief is palpable.

He also has a little moment with Melanie, which is so sweet. I love that whenever he rolls up to someone he hasn’t seen in decades, he always mutters the kindest little “hello.” Just for them. His attention completely focused. It must feel like a sun shining directly on you. I literally have a collection of David Tennant saying “hello” in my mind, ugh it’s so something. 

During all of this, Kate is telling Donna she did well working out the spikes, and she offers her a job at UNIT once everything has settled. Pure Donna, she asks how much the salary is, and then counters with DOUBLE the amount and 5 weeks paid vacation which is immediately accepted. BAMF, BAMF, BAMF. Get what’s yours, baby girl.

So much going on. Okay, so they go back to 1925, and 14 is all about what they need to do but Donna wants to hear about Mel because he’s never once mentioned her. He never does, he never talks about them. Rose a bit, yes, but usually no. Not ever. And he reminds her he’s old as hell and he can’t just chat about everyone, but it’s more than that. She tells him he never stops moving, she says “You are staggering along. Maybe that's why your old face came back. You're wearing yourself out” and that’s the crux of the matter, friends. 14 is wonderful, we’re all in love with him, but he’s definitely bleeding out everything. All over the place. And it’s so sad to see him so run down. But, classic 10, he ignores her.

They find the toyshop of course, and the Doctor recognizes the Toymaker. Who immediately starts a game of catch with the Doctor, because he’s a fucking weirdo like that, and 14 looks incredibly determined and also freaked out but Donna puts a stop to it, and the Toymaker disappears. 

They follow him deeper into the shop and surprise! They find themselves in a never ending hallway full of doors, and each door just leads to another hallway. Which should be impossible, but we’re told that the Toymaker is only governed by the rules of play, so he can basically do whatever the eff he wants.

Donna gets the story out of him as they wander - the Doctor had once gone into another realm, where he played a game against the Toymaker and apparently won, but he said he made a terrible mistake. Poor kiddo is really raw all of a sudden, he says “I'm always so certain. I'm all sonic and TARDIS and Time Lord. Take that away... Take away the toys... what am I? What am I now?” and then he tells Donna, “I don’t know…if I can save your life this time.”

Scrawny little 14 all exposed and helpless and I told you, he’s bleeding all over the place, and she just tells him, “Well…maybe I’ll save you.”

THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS, and she’s definitely gonna save him, just not in the way he thinks. And it’s so good.

Speeding ahead, they keep wandering through the halls and then they get separated of course and Donna gets attacked by the dummy that was supposed to be the original dummy’s wife and his creepy babies but she beats them obviously, and the Doctor gets taunted by the Toymaker but they find each other eventually.

And then they’re pulled into a room with a little stage where the Toymaker puts on a puppet show about exactly what has happened to the Doctor’s companions since he traveled with Donna. And it’s so sad to listen to him try to justify everyone’s fate - Amy died of old age, but in a time and place she was never meant to. Clara was killed by a bird but technically saved in her last moments of life. Bill was turned into a cyberman, but her consciousness lived on. No happy endings, for the Doctor and his friends, not ever. 

 To stop the show, the Doctor challenges the Toymaker to a game. And Donna’s afraid the Toymaker will cheat, but it seems the rules of the game bind his entire existence: the Doctor will either win or lose. So they cut a deck, and the highest card wins. And it’s the Toymaker, with a king.

But the Doctor finds a loophole - he won the first game, the Toymaker one the second game, and that prompts another, the best of three. Which the Toymaker accepts, but he wants that game to be played back in the present. 

Meanwhile at UNIT headquarters they’re shooting down the new satellite, and the Doctor and Donna appear to try and figure out a way to force the Toymaker out of the universe they way he’d come, but it’s too late. 14 is explaining something and then “Spice Up Your Life” is playing, and I’m sorry but L O L at the entire dance scene with NPH that unfolds. It’s hilarious, and creepy, and it definitely goes on too long, but I’ll allow a little pageantry. He turns UNIT’s bullets into flower petals and it’s a little terrifying, how much power he possesses and that’s the point. And then as soon as he’s arrived, he disappears again. 

Just kidding though, the Toymaker is out on the platform where the beam they used to take down the satellite is still set up and ready to roll, and he’s got control of it. So everyone of course rushes out to try and stop him. 

The Doctor tries to talk him down, of course. He asks why he’s choosing to be so horrible when he can do so many good things, and the Toymaker reminds him he’s just a vastness that good and bad don’t apply to, only winning and losing. The Doctor tells him he’s a vastness that contains so much more, and then he suggests they take the game away from earth, that they can play across the cosmos. 

He says “we can be…celestial” - and I’m dying inside. Is anyone else wondering what Aziraphale’s reaction to that sentence would have been? So many little bits of Good Omens, it’s slightly painful. 

Also, I appreciate that the Doctor is always trying to turn enemies into his playmates. 10 did it with the Master, too. It makes sense, he’s always off with humans but why wouldn’t entities that are more in line with what he is, want to travel with him? They always say no. Because y’all are too obsessed with your own drama to recognize what a fucking opportunity that is. Idiots.

So yeah, that doesn’t work and the Toymaker declares that since he played the first two games with different doctors, he wants to play the final game with the next Doctor. AND HE SHOOTS 14 WITH THE GIANT FUCKING LASER. 

It’s agonizing. It’s terrible. And Donna and Mel rush to his side as he starts to regenerate, because they don’t want him to be alone. They tell him he’s not dying, and they don’t care who he is, because every version of him is fantastic. And that’s what he needed to hear the first time. Every time, really.

And then he says “It's time. Here we go again. Allons-y!” (squee!) but…nothing happens. So he asks them to pull, yank on his arms, and they’re like ‘um’ but they do and THEN:

Out pops 15. And I’m losing my fucking mind. 

Here’s the thing, gang. There is one sure fire way to make the new Doctor capture everyone’s heart, and that is apparently to let him interact with 14. Because everything that happens after this is incredible.

15 says “You're me. No, I'm me. I think I'm really, really me. Oh-ho-ho, I am completely me!” and he tells 14 to push, and they’re both like ‘will this work?’ and they’re laughing and they push against each other and they’re two separate entities and it’s amazing. 

14 obviously was all done up in his traditional suit (minus the coat) so now suddenly 15 is wearing the dress shirt, and the tie, and their charming little tightie whities, and the CONVERSES! And 14’s still got the pants, the undershirt, the vest, completely barefoot. I’m delighted and crying my eyes out. 

So apparently they’ve bi-generated, which is supposed to be a myth and 15 asks Mel what she thinks and she says “I think you’re beautiful” and 14 pipes up, “still beautiful?!” and it’s all so good but the Toymaker is exasperated and then both Doctor’s say “I challenge you to a game” but he doesn’t like that. He’d caused the bi-generation and he doesn’t want to play both of them but he can’t say no.

What follows is the highest stakes game of catch that has literally ever existed. 14 and 15 are ducking and bobbing and weaving and catching and it’s ridiculous but also so filled with tension; whoever drops the ball, loses. David Tennant is a 50-something year old spindly noodle and oh my god he’s just crushing the entire thing, I could watch this all day. 

But someone has to lose, and thank god, eventually it’s the Toymaker. They decide their prize is going to be banishing him from existence forever. He gets folded up into a little square of douchebag, shoved in a box, and left to rot in the deepest recesses of UNIT’s storage. 

And it’s wonderful! But 14 can’t help but think of all of the people that died. And here is where 15 worms into everyone’s heart for the rest of eternity: he reminds 14 that he can’t save everyone, and then he grabs him into a hug and he says “Come here. I've got you. Yeah? It's OK. I'm here” and he kisses 14’s forehead. 

It’s what the Doctor has always needed, but never got. A reminder from himself that what he does matters, that he’s good and he tries and it’s okay when things don’t go perfectly, but he does save people. He deserves acceptance from himself, and if he can’t give it in his own mind, he can get it from someone else who is literally him. It’s fucking beautiful.

They head back to the TARDIS and 14 shows 15 all the bells and whistles and 14 wonders how it’s going to work, the two of them? 15 makes him stop his anxious rambling, tells him “you're thin as a pin, love. You're running on fumes.” He keeps talking, about all of the things they’ve seen and done. The Pandorica, The Time War, losing River and Rose. The fact that Sarah Jane has died. 14 says, “I loved her” and 15 says “I loved her.” 

15 reminds him that they haven’t stopped, not for a second. But he’s fine, because 14 had fixed himself. He says “We’re doing rehab out of order.” And it’s true; 15 has taken in everything that Donna has been trying to get 14 to understand, he has the sweetness and the willingness to express his feelings that 14 finally learned, and now he’s putting his foot down, to himself. His old self. He’s telling 14 that he has to stop. 

But 14 doesn’t know how, and Donna tells him that he just has to exist, every single day, in and out. Over and over. And that’s the adventure. She says “I've worked out what happened. You changed your face... and then you found me. Do you know why?”

“To come home.”

If you didn’t lose it at that, you might need to examine your inner workings. It’s a punch to the gut. And it’s absolutely true. It’s the one thing the Doctor has never had, but now he can. And the way 14 asks “Do you mean…he flies off?” is so sad and small, and deflating, like he can’t imagine being pried away and made to stop and just be and exist. It’s terrifying for him. And he knows he can’t leave the TARDIS, it would hurt.

15 has an idea though, he thinks they might have a little bit of time, still being governed by a state of play, so he produces a sledge hammer and he hops out of the TARDIS, followed by 14 and Donna. 

He wields the hammer and he says “You get a prize, honey. And here is mine!” and he SWINGS against the TARDIS, and out pops another perfect little blue police box (and he runs a hand down the first one, saying “I’m sorry!”). Two TARDIS’s, two doctors. 

(I’m also swooning over 15’s use of endearments - love, honey - he’s gonna kill me.)

14 goes in to inspect the new TARDIS, he’s reverent almost, and it’s much the same, but it’s got a jukebox. He wanders back to his own TARDIS and 15 hops into the new one and powers her up and he’s definitely about to leave without a goodbye but 14 bounds back in with Donna to get what they’re owed. Which is hugs and a little sass. 15 says “off you pop, old man” and I love that, but they remind him he’s the older of the two now, so he says “Okay, kid. I love you. Get out!”

15 is full of the love the Doctor never gets to give freely, but he’s ready now, and I’m so excited to watch that unfold. It’s so perfect and beautiful that 14 is the one who gets to feel it first. Baby boy needs so much more, and he’s gonna get it.

And so, off they both go. 15 to his endless adventures, 14 to something even more scary.

The last scene is a dinner at Donna’s, wherein 14 is telling a ridiculous story about using his eyebrows to communicate (Crowley, Crowley, Crowley…) and it’s just banter and it’s so good. We find out that he’s taking Mel on little adventures in the TARDIS, even Rose a time or two. He says “Just can’t turn down my favorite niece” and oh, it’s so lovely. He says “That’s what you are. With my best friend, my brother-in-law, the evil stepmother, and mad auntie Mel.” 

The desperate wanderer, a man who has run for thousands upon thousands upon thousands of years in a multitude of faces, finally has a family. 

Donna tells him he doesn’t have to stay forever, and then she asks him if he misses it out there. And his face, oh y’all his face as he says “The funny thing is, I fought all those battles for all those years... and now I know what for. This. I've never been so happy in my life”, it’s EVERYTHING.

Never, not once, has the Doctor gotten this. Usually, things work out just enough that it barely soothes the pain of what was lost. Never has he won so fully, so completely. Donna restored, and the chance to finally relish what he’s been protecting for so long. And no one deserved it more than 10 and 14.

The Doctor doesn’t have to be all hard edges and fire and war and unrelenting motion. He can be soft and vulnerable and he can accept help and he can love. 

And I didn’t even realize I wanted to see that. Doctor Who is like letting yourself believe in a higher power, a little bit. Believing in a species that maybe isn’t beholden to all of the disgusting emotions we have to deal with, he’s strong when we can’t be. He’s strong all the time. But I don’t think I’ve ever connected as much to an arch as I did to this one. We can’t be strong all the time. No one can. 

Watching the Doctor stop, and be taken care of for once, I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. Catharsis, on all sides. For everyone. I needed all of that way more than I’m ever willing to admit.

No matter what’s going on in the real world, at least now, somewhere out there 14 is hanging out at Donna’s house, telling silly stories and helping cook dinner and teaching Rose a bunch of science she should never get her hands on, and that’s satisfying in a way I can’t explain.

Basically, I’m so thankful for Doctor Who. And I can’t wait to see what happens next…

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Happy wip day!

May i perhaps request an Angel Neil AU?

WIP Wednesday (3/27) | Guardian Angel Neil AU (Part 143)

Andrew blinks. “What?”

“If you admit there’s a girl, you can go.” Aaron says. And it smells like the sort of trap Andrew would lay. 

“Straight to entrapment, huh?” Andrew asks, almost proud.

"Maybe."

"Well, as good of an idea as it was. I'm afraid I must disappoint you. Because, for the last time, there’s no girl— on planet Earth or otherwise— in which I am interested at the moment.”

Aaron looks him up and down, trying to find a lie in that statement. He won’t though, because it’s the truth. A stupid truth based on a technicality, but a truth nonetheless. Finally, Aaron seems to give up. “Fine. I believe you.”

Andrew gives him a look. “Oh, do you?”

“Yeah. I thought about it a lot last night. And I couldn’t think of any girl who would ever risk her life and ask you out. Or any sane girl who would say yes if you asked her. So… If there was a girl, she’d have to be imaginary now wouldn’t she?”

“You are correct.” Andrew laughs, trying not to reveal just how much that assessment hurts. Or would hurt, if he cared about his brother’s- or anyone's- opinion of him. “Now let me ask you, my dear brother. Are there any girls who value their lives so little that they would mess around with you when we have our deal going? If so, I would suggest telling her to get lost before I find out and remove her skin.”

Aaron pales slightly at the threat and Andrew takes it as a victory.

“Uh, guys…” Nicky interrupts from the bedroom doorway. “Are we fighting?”

“Yes. We were. But we’re done,” Andrew says. Then he rips the door open and leaves before Aaron can open his mouth again. After he stomps his way down to the car, he leans against the passenger door and lights a cigarette, just in case Aaron has decided to look out the window. 

‘She’d have to be imaginary’, rings in Andrew’s head and he scoffs. What a bastard. Why the fuck is he related to that dick? 

Well, because two deeply disturbed individuals forgot to use a condom twenty years ago, Andrew guesses. With that thought, Andrew recalls what Betsy had told him yesterday: ‘If you were six years old, and not almost twenty, I would say you’ve got an imaginary friend on your hands.’

Such rude people he surrounds himself with.

Is it so hard to believe that Andrew is friends with a beautiful, funny, incredibly stupid man who just happens to be an angel? (Yes. Yes, it is.) Andrew looks up to the roof expecting to see said angel, but he’s not there. As he drops his gaze back to the parking lot, the others file out of the Tower's front entrance. And the four of them climb into the car and take off for the stadium.

[triflesandparsnips]

Good Omens Book Club

So I have, in other fandoms, talked about the importance of what an audience can actually see on the screen. Specifically: When a constrained format (like, say, between 45 to 56 minutes of a single visual/audio input) is telling a constrained story (like, say, something that must start, climax, and resolve within some kind of structure), it's useful for the audience to pay attention to what gets given the valuable real estate of camera/story time.

So when time is given and effort made to show the actual titles of actual books... well.

Figure 1. Local bookshelf weighted down by an over-abundance of literary allusions.

This is a screenshot from episode 3 of Good Omens's second season, as Jim is reshelving all the books in Aziraphale's book shop by the first letter of their first sentences. He's about to shelve Jane Austens's Pride and Prejudice ("It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.") and the red sideways book, that he is about to pick up, is Good Omens itself ("It was a nice day.").

But, unusually, we can see the title of almost every other book on the shelf. Several of them appeared in the advertising poster, too, as I outlined previously (if you click that link, be advised that I am very proud of several bits of that essay and also let's not talk about how my go-to for musical references is Middle English folk rather than, say, Buddy Holly). Anyway-- with this in mind, and the understanding that time, effort, and celluloid have been spent on getting this shot to the audience, it would behoove us, I think, to actually look at these books.

Figure 2. A pair of showrunners providing not-so-subtle ancillary notation suggesting the same thing, so really, this is a no-brainer in terms of meta fodder.

Okay, Trifles, so what about the book club

Technically, this isn't my idea. It's Neil's and Douglas's, so jot that down.

What I figure is, I can provide a list of the books shown, their first lines, and a VERY brief summary of each. Those are below. And as I rewatch the show, I may reblog this post with additions, but also...

I've read some of these, but not all of them, and not recently -- with at least one of them, though, I remember enough to know that the first line and summary do nothing to showcase the heartrending possibilities the book may be alluding to for the overall Good Omens narrative.

And further-- as I collected these summaries and first lines, I started noticing some compelling commonalities. Which I, for one, would like to confirm and dig into more deeply.

So while I'm going to start reading these, it might be a Nice Idea for other folks to do so as well. The more write-ups we can get, the greater the concordance of Interesting Insights might be available. (And if you tag me in your write up, or otherwise draw my attention, I will gladly link your essay up here for the edification of others omfg.)

ANYWAY

The "Jim Shelving" Book List

From right to left (which feels odd, but it's the actual alphabetical-by-letter arrangement), and summaries from various internet sources:

Herzog, by Saul Bellows

"If I am out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog."

"Herzog is a 1964 novel by Saul Bellow, composed in part of letters from the protagonist [...] The novel follows five days in the life of Moses E. Herzog who, at the age of forty-seven, is having a midlife crisis following his second divorce."

A Series of Unfortunate Events, (series) by Lemony Snicket

"If you are interested in happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book."

The first book in the series, The Bad Beginning, "tells the story of three children, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, who become orphans following a fire and are sent to live with Count Olaf, who attempts to steal their inheritance."

The Catcher in the Rye, by J. D. Salinger

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."

"The novel details two days in the life of 16-year-old Holden Caulfield after he has been expelled from prep school. [...] From what is implied to be a sanatorium, Holden, the narrator and protagonist, tells the story of his adventures before the previous Christmas."

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald

"In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since."

"Set in the Jazz Age on Long Island, near New York City, the novel depicts first-person narrator Nick Carraway's interactions with mysterious millionaire Jay Gatsby and Gatsby's obsession to reunite with his former lover, Daisy Buchanan."

The Bible, (anthology) by God et al.

"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth."

"25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword that was given unto thee?'

26 And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.'

27 And the Lord did not ask him again."

The Big Sleep, by Raymond Chandler

"It was about eleven o’clock in the morning, mid October, with the sun not shining and a look of hard wet rain in the clearness of the foothills."

"Private investigator Philip Marlowe is hired by wealthy General Sternwood to stop a blackmailer. Marlowe suspects that the old General is merely testing his caliber before trusting him with a bigger job, one involving Sternwood's two amoral daughters."

Nineteen Eighty-Four, by George Orwell

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."

"In George Orwell's iconic and prophetic masterpiece, 1984, a haunting vision of a dystopian future unfolds. Set in a world dominated by the all-seeing eye of Big Brother, the story follows Winston Smith, a lowly Party member whose very thoughts are scrutinized. As the Party manipulates history and suppresses truth, Winston's yearning for individuality and connection pushes him into a daring dance on the edge of rebellion."

[A title I cannot, unfortunately, read-- if anyone who HAPPENS to be familiar with the show and HAPPENS to perhaps also be on tumblr just HAPPENS to say what this book might be, that would be Very Much Appreciated]

"????"

[WOW I WISH I WAS A SUMMARY OH WELL]

Catch-22, by Joseph Heller

"It was love at first sight."

"Set in the closing months of World War II in an American bomber squadron off the coast of Italy, Catch-22 is the story of a bombardier named Yossarian who is frantic and furious because thousands of people he has never even met keep trying to kill him. Joseph Heller's bestselling novel is a hilarious and tragic satire on military madness, and the tale of one man's efforts to survive it."

Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel García Márquez

"It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love."

"The story, which treats the themes of love, aging, and death, takes place between the late 1870s and the early 1930s in a South American community troubled by wars and outbreaks of cholera. It is a tale of two lovers, artistic Florentino Ariza and wealthy Fermina Daza, who reunite after a lifetime apart."

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, by Mark Haddon

"It was seven minutes after midnight."

"The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is a 2003 mystery novel by British writer Mark Haddon. [...] The novel is narrated in the first-person perspective by Christopher John Francis Boone, a 15-year-old boy who is described as "a mathematician with some behavioural difficulties" living in Swindon, Wiltshire. [...] Christopher sets out to solve the murder [of a neighbor's dog] in the style of his favourite (logical) detective, Sherlock Holmes."

The Crow Road, by Iain Banks

"It was the day my grandmother exploded."

A Scottish family drama about a perfect murder against the backdrop of the 1990s Gulf War. "This Bildungsroman is set in the fictional Argyll town of Gallanach, the real village of Lochgair, and in Glasgow, where the adult Prentice McHoan lives. Prentice's uncle Rory disappeared eight years previously while writing a book called The Crow Road. Prentice becomes obsessed with papers his uncle left behind and sets out to solve the mystery. Along the way he must cope with estrangement from his father, unrequited love, sibling rivalry, and failure at his studies."

No Woman No Cry: My Life with Bob Marley, by Rita Marley with Hettie James

"I was an ambitious girl child."

"Fans of reggae legend Bob Marley will welcome this no-nonsense biography from his wife, Rita, who was also his band member, business partner, musical collaborator and the only person to have witnessed firsthand his development from local Jamaican singer to international superstar."

I Capture the Castle, by Dodie Smith

"I write this sitting in the kitchen sink."

"I Capture the Castle tells the story of seventeen-year-old Cassandra and her family, who live in not-so-genteel poverty in a ramshackle old English castle. Here she strives, over six turbulent months, to hone her writing skills. She fills three notebooks with sharply funny yet poignant entries. Her journals candidly chronicle the great changes that take place within the castle's walls, and her own first descent into love."

...and because I happen to know and love this book, I'm aware of the devastating last lines...

"Only the margin left to write on now. I love you, I love you, I love you."

[fandomfiish]

"You were so amazing there Todd! I'm so proud of you!" Neil said as they both enter their shared room after a day of classes, which ended with Mr. Keating's classes and Todd giving another of his, according to Neil's opinion, amazing pieces.

Todd smiled at his compliment, though it never reached its eyes as he replies. "I'm not amazing, but thank you, Neil." And Neil frowns at the comment, ever since he met Todd, Neil often hears this from Todd. Especially when anyone would even compliment him for anything he did.

------------

He remembers the first time their first meeting along with Meeks, Charlie, and Knox, Charlie said an offhand comment saying that since he's an Anderson he must be very smart, to which Todd replied saying that his brother was smarter than him. Neil and Charlie shared looks at each other that time, they just met Todd but are both willing to protect them.

There was also the time they all first heard Todd's monologue during Mr. Keating's class, which the whole classroom loved to hear, even the non-poets complimented the usually meek Todd.

"That was amazing Todd, maybe you could help us think of one whenever Mr. Keating gives us another assignment!" Knox said once they were situated in the cave, lounging around until they had to come back for dinner.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to help," Todd replies refusing to meet Knox's eyes who looked confused.

"Todd you know you're really awesome, right? There's no need to always bring you down." It was Meeks who spoke, Pitts beside him nodding along.

"Am I really?" Todd questions and their scathing tone of it made the others hesitate in answering, while Todd was glaring on the floor the other poets looks at Neil, hoping that he was the one to reply, and Neil was, in fact as the look at him he's already about to speak.

"You are." Neil answered full of sincerity and emotion Todd looked at him as his cheeks turned rosy, and before he smile at Neil, a quiet yet comfortable silence filled the room before they heard the bell indicating it was almost dinner time.

As the poets walk back Todd was by Neil's side, the two of them walking on a slower pace than the others.

"Thanks Neil." Todd said and Neil smiled. "I don't get compliments that much, so I-" Todd sighs, and Neil waited until the other wanted to continue, "I guess I just don't believe in them," Todd said it with such sadness in his tone that it Neil's heart aches.

And from then on Neil vowed that he'll prove Todd wrong, that he was amazing, that he deserved all the compliments that were given to him. Every chance he got, he complimented Todd. Even for some things that would make Todd's eyebrow raise, he compliments it.

"You look amazing today." "Great job at answering Mr. Keating's question!" "You look so beautiful."

After a while, Todd began to notice what Neil was doing, so he would try to deflect most compliments given to him, feeling unworthy of such words.

Maybe a part of his mind wants him to give in and accept these compliments, that he deserves them. But a stronger part of his brain tells him that he doesn't deserve it, that he'll never amount into anything, as he'll never be as good as his brother.

This caused moments where the two would argue, it started playfully, but lately, due to Neil's frustration with Todd's deflection, it'll get heated, especially since it was around this time that Neil realized how much he cared about Todd, how much he wanted for Todd to see him how he sees himself.

--------

And that is where they find themselves in this situation.

"Todd," Neil starts. "You need to stop with the self-deprecation."

"N-Neil-"

"It's just..." Neil paces around the room. "You make yourself out to be this unlovable person when you're not."

Todd sighs. "Neil, can we please drop this?"

"No, we will not."

"Jesus Neil, why do you even care so much?" Todd asked, raising his voice.

Neil flinched, yet he stood his ground. "I care so much because I hate seeing you downgrade yourself too much then you deserve." Neil takes a breath before he continues. "I just wish you could see yourself the way that I see you!"

"Then tell me, Neil." Todd suddenly surges forward and suddenly he's close, oh so close that Neil can hear his breathing. "How do you see me?"

Neil was taken aback by the forwardness and found himself staring into Todd's eyes. "Amazing, I find you the most amazing person that I've met." He simply replies, his voice thick with emotion.

Todd eye's widened as he steps back, a cloud of disbelief clouds his eyes as he tries to laugh nervously, cheeks slowly turning scarlet. "If I didn't know better, you sound like you love me."

Neil felt a sudden burst of confidence "So what if I do?" Todd looks at him in disbelief, but before the other could speak he continued. "And even if I didn't I'll still tell you that you're amazing."

Todd finds himself speechless. "I..." Neil smiles at him, and a sigh of relief after finally being able to say what he feels to Todd.

"H-How? Why me?"

Neil takes this opportunity to walk closer to Todd. "That's too many to mention, that if we talk about it, it would take infinity before I'll ever stop talking." He takes Todd's hands, it felt cold in contrast to his warm ones, Todd must've been cold because he forgot to grab his sweater.

Neil finds himself as Todd looks at him as tears start to fall from his eyes. "I just ... It's hard Neil, given how my parents-" Todd was interrupted by his own sobs before Neil pulls him for a warm hug.

"I understand Todd, that's why I'm here to remind you that you are amazing. On days that you think you aren't I'll be there to always remind you that." Neil whispers to Todd's ears as Todd felt comfortable under Neil's arms.

They do fit together.

----------------------------------

Epilogue:

Todd nods snuggling closer to Neil as the two found themselves in comfortable silence before Todd speaks again.

"I don't think I've responded to your declaration of love yet."

"There's no need, I know you love me," Neil replies with a smirk.

Todd laughs and nods to that. It was true. "I do, but I want you to hear it from me," Todd said before he sits to look at Neil.

"At first I didn't ever expect that you'd ever fall in love with me, with someone like me." Neil was about to say something but Todd stops him. "And you saying all of that, you loving and supporting me, makes me believe that all those words you say are the truth and that I shouldn't listen to that voice in my head." He then takes a deep breath.

"I love you, Neil Perry." And he looks at Neil who is positively glowing, a wide grin on his face as he swoops to envelop Todd in a hug.

"I love you too, Todd Anderson," Neil replies as his lips settle on Todd's forehead and gave it a quick kiss.

And for the first time, Todd felt like he is amazing.

------

@inahallucination anderperryyyy

[eddiebillysteve]

but what if billy became bob and joyce’s adoptive son, right. and bob teaches billy all about video cameras, much like he does jonathan/will.

except billy is a sex fiend and ✨ naturally ✨ has to film a sex tape with his secret bf, steve. and it’s like the hottest sex tape ever. he’s very proud of it. maybe they did it outside by steve’s pool and there was a whole moment of him coming out of the water soaking wet and gleaming but anyway that’s beside the point.

the issue is he doesn’t remember a whole lot about the tapes itself and? he winds up breaking the camera and the video tape somehow while trying to get the tape out so he goes to bob all nervous like ‘hey, bob, can you help me fix this? i’m really sorry i don’t remember what to do’

long story short, bob catches the beginnings of the sex tape while trying to fix the tape and billy is in a huge panic bc neil was homophobic and would have beat the ever loving shit out of him for having a secret boyfriend, let alone filming them fucking (bonus points if billy’s bottoming in it)

but bob isn’t neil. bob chuckles and pats billy’s shoulder and says ‘be careful that doesn’t get into the wrong hands, bud. you’re being safe, right? because you know your mother’ll wind up buying one of every kind of condom and lubricant from Melvald’s if she hears otherwise. who is he, anyway? why hasn’t he been over for dinner yet?’

and billy just. cries. because bob is the nerdy, loving father he’s always dreamt about and he’d got a protective, fussy mother and he can be himself and he breaks down and tells bob about his sexuality and suppressing it and how horrible neil was and it ends with them hugging and bob telling him he’s safe and he never has to be anyone but his authentic self ever again (and then billy calls steve to invite him to go to a ball game with him, bob and will on saturday. triple bonus points if steve is introduced as his bf and will breaks down before they even get in the car because if billy is gay and billy is like, the coolest person ever, being gay must be okay and he’s okay)

anyways i love bob bye

[thesunshinecourts]

countdown to tsc: apr 7., 2024, 23:58 pdt

2. digging your fingers into fresh dirt // renee walker, after lazarus

When Renee gets to the garden, her fingers are still stained with blood.

It had taken Abby’s most soothing tone and Wymack doing a passable imitation of Aaron’s impatient candour—the same language as Wymack’s, but less heart-filled bluster, more blunt force trauma—to get Renee to leave the room. She’s still not sure she should have, but Abby’s voice had been gentle when she’d said, this isn’t like Matt. Giving him something to believe in will come later.

Renee doesn’t know if she’s ever seen Abby so angry and horrified. It’s worse than how she looked at Kevin’s injuries, that very first night. It’s worse than how she looked at Neil, both times, after the Nest and after his father. It’s almost as devastated, Renee thinks, as the way she looked when she held Allison tight to her chest that first night after Seth.

Wymack is better at holding his expressions in check, but Renee knows him. There had been a tremor in his knuckles when he opened the passenger car door. He’d gotten it under control fairly quickly, to his credit, but Renee had noticed.

Renee had thought, I am not the only one who must draw on all my reserves to keep steady.

She breathes out, then in, as if the smell of growth in the world around her can flush through her body. When she was a second year, Seth had taken a biology class with Dwayne. It had nothing to do with either of their majors—she remembers Juan making some sort of joke about growing pot, and Seth elbowing him with a sidelong glance at Allison, who had rolled her eyes and told them both that she thought they’d be lucky to keep a fake plant alive in the shithole they called a dorm—but Seth had liked it better than anyone had expected, occasionally offering up things he found interesting from the units on horticulture.

There had been a joke about photosynthesis once, something that had been mostly earnest information, but he hadn’t been able to resist throwing in some teasing at the end, always trying to make Allison laugh. Renee feels a sudden wave of indescribable, quiet grief when she realises she can’t remember how his joke had gone.

There are four plants to her left, still in the plastic pottles you buy them in at the store. Renee remembers Abby talking about a sale a few weeks ago, and wonders if these are those same plants. It’s been a demanding few weeks, she thinks. Life is often unkind to those that cannot move of their own accord.

She’s not really thinking about it when she walks over and picks them up. She puts them together, two by two, and squeezes her fingers around two pottles per hand. There are probably gloves somewhere; a trowel too, maybe.

Renee does not care.

Kneeling down at the edge of the garden, there’s a patch with looser soil than the rest. It is poor behaviour, she thinks, to start messing around with Abby’s things without asking permission first, but Renee does not have the space in her yet to hold back. Abby will forgive her, which is not an acceptable reason to do something, but Renee is so angry. She spent her whole night transforming terrified grief into determination and a plan, and then the six-hours-and-then-some drive from Castle Evermore back home with nothing in her mind but Jean. The impossibiity of him.

The impossibility of him still being alive. The impossibility of her getting there in time, and even that’s still to be determined. The impossibility of how much she aches, looking at him and thinking about him and praying for him. Four hundred miles on the I-77, and all she could do way pray.

It was a very human thing, Renee thinks, to walk into Evermore to get him out. Stephanie had been proud of her, and Abby had called her brave, and Andrew had looked at her with that innate knowledge of someone who understood what it meant to take someone under their wing, and absolutely none of their thoughts and love and understanding change the fact that Renee walked into Castle Evermore with more fear than faith.

She digs. One hand into the soil, then the next. There is blood on her fingers still, beneath the nails. Part of Renee has the uncharitable thought that she hopes it’s Zane’s, stray flecks from when she punched him. More of her accepts that it’s Jean’s. She does not know when it is from: when she first knelt at his side on Riko’s bedroom floor, when he was carefully settled into her car, when she and Wymack lifted him into Abby’s house, when she sat beside him and held his hand as those broken, wounded sounds ripped their way from his throat and drove right into her heart, piercing it through, over and over, just as the way the ugliest part of her, buried beneath therapy and anger management and the most wilful calm she has ever had to cloak her body in, wishes it could do to Riko.

Jean’s blood beneath her fingernails, spattered across her hands, buried into the soil. She’s planting a flower she does not know the name of, and all she hopes for is that Jean will bloom.

Please, she prays, tugging the roots apart with a care and precision she did not feel capable of two hours ago, listening to Jean’s screams. Please, she prays, pressing the plant into the soil, cupping her hands together to scoop the dirt, helping it settle into its new home. Please, she prays, patting down the soil, warm earth meeting her palms like a balm.

Please, she prays. Stephanie says you are not done with him yet. She was right about me. Thank you for getting us this far. Please. Please. Please.

“Renee?”

It’s Abby’s voice, exhausted and haunted and utterly wrecked. She still manages a wan smile when Renee looks up at her. Abby doesn’t seem to notice that Renee has been co-opting her garden, or maybe she’s too raw to care.

“You can come back in now,” she says, like she knows it’s both a gift and punishment at once.

Renee nods, then stands, brushing the dirt off her trousers. She looks at Abby as she approaches, trying to choose her words. To ask how he is would only invite more sadness; to ask if he’ll live betrays how deep her fear has run.

“I’m sorry,” she says in the end, quiet but sincere. “That must have been… very difficult.”

The look Abby gives her is brief, but pained. “He breaks my heart as much as any of you,” she says, quickly, fervently, “but that is never a thing to apologise for.” Abby looks so sad. It makes Renee ache, but this is not the type of thing she can wipe away. “Thank you for bringing him here,” Abby says, and Renee feels rocked with it.

“Thank you for letting me,” she says in return, and neither of those are entirely what they mean, but it is enough. Renee will always walk into Castle Evermore to save Jean, and Wymack and Abby will always open the door when she arrives in South Carolina. There is no version of this story, Renee thinks, where they follow any other script.

This is what it is to be Foxes, after all.

“He’s still not quite himself,” Abby says. There is a part of Renee that finds this sentence amusing; Abby has never met Jean, not truly, only from Kevin’s stories. More of her is somber. She knows what Abby means. “But I think he’ll feel — perhaps only marginally, but I think he’ll feel more at ease having you beside him. I’ve done what I can, for now, and there will be more medication and treatment and dressing of his wounds, much more before the night is through, let alone before he is recovered, but —” She exhales, long and low. “He is alone, and in pain. We can’t do much more about the second one. But he can have you back.”

Renee nods, setting her jaw as Abby steps back to allow her through.

“Then he shall have me until I am no longer needed,” Renee says, and thinks, and perhaps some time longer after that.

Abby gives her a careful look. “That could be a very long while,” she says, but she does not offer any sort of objection.

“That’s okay,” Renee says. “I don’t mind waiting.”

[mymisfitsbabe]

*Trigger warning for homophobia, toxic religious beliefs*   

It always made Billy’s anxiety spike when his dad started being nice to him, like waiting on a rubber band to snap back on you. Billy had been doing his homework at the kitchen table when his dad sat down next to him and started helping. Billy didn't need the help, but he let his dad feel like he was fulfilling his duties as a father. Billy’s jaw nearly dropped when Neil patted Billy’s shoulder and praised him on his excellent work.

“I didn't know you liked chemistry so much.” Neil commented looking over Billy’s assignment.

“It's pretty easy, just follow the formulas.” Billy shrugged.

“My boys a genius.” Neil huffed out in a laugh.

Looking up in surprise Billy watched his dad’s face carefully, there was no sarcasm or bitterness, no hate or disgust. Neil’s face seemed to light up, his eyes shining with pride or joy or something like that. It had been years since Billy had seen his father look that happy when thinking about him and for one fleeting moment Billy felt good enough. 

“I got a 100 on my last test actually. Really messed up the grading curve for the other kids.” Billy shrugged.

Neil beamed, he got to his feet and grabbed two beers from the fridge popping the tops off before sitting back down and handing Billy a bottle. They drank and talked about school and science. Neil talked about the moon landing and how he knew Billy was going to be a smart kid because he watched the landing at least a dozen times. Anytime they played it on TV Billy would sit and watch the whole thing. Which Neil had been so proud of since Billy had only been two at the time.

“Your mom used to make you little costumes. You wore the astronaut one just about everyday for a year.” Neil smiled softly, his eyes seeing something Billy couldn't. “I always kind of thought you’d grow up and become an astronaut, or maybe work down in Houston.”  

Taking a slow swig of his beer Billy tried to remember, he tried to think back to his obsession with space and the stars but he couldn't remember. Frowning, he picked at his homework on the table and tried not to think about the constellation like freckles on Steve’s chest and back. 

“I don't remember that.” 

“You were just a small thing back then. All smiles and laughter.” Neil swallowed hard, his face turning down as he again saw something Billy didn't. “We took you to see NASA once, your mom must have taken a dozen polaroid picture boxes. She took pictures of everything, said she wanted you to be able to visit NASA any time you wanted.”

Neil laughed, he shook his head and looked over at Billy. “Damn woman used every single picture. We had boxes of them.” Neil shook his head. “ But she lost them. All those pictures and the only one that made it home was the one we asked someone to take of all of us because I put it in my jacket pocket.”

Billy smiled softly, thinking back to the picture his dad was talking about. His mom had framed it and put it on Billy bedside table, he’d kept it there till his mom left. After that Neil had taken it away with all the other pictures of his mom. Looking down at the beer in his hand Billy chewed at the inside of his cheek.

“No wonder it was all scuffed up.” Billy muttered, not sure if he should mention the picture at all.

“I,” Neil started then stopped, he seemed to mull something over. “I really liked that picture.”

“Way better than the one of us with that guy dressed up like Elvis.” Billy chuckled.

Neil’s face dropped at the mention and Billy’s chest tightened, his body going rigid at his father’s sour look and he glared across the table at Billy.

“I burned that fucking picture. Your harlot of a mother should never have allowed that devil music into our house! That man was a fucking disgrace, he should have been ashamed of his heathen ways.”

Billy didn't flinch when his dad got to his feet and threw his chair across the room, but his father noticed the fear anyway. Neil sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face, he looked down at Billy’s homework again and put a hand on the paper. 

“You were such a happy kid, Billy. I-” Neil sighed. “I wish things were different. I wish you were never introduced to that filth.”  

Neil let his fingers drag across the table as he turned to leave. Trembling Billy let out a breath he didn't know he’d been holding, slow, burning tears slid down Billy’s face. ‘I wish you were different’ is what Neil had wanted to say and it cut so fucking deep.

(I just really wanted to hurt myself. SO I chose ‘What if Neil had fatherly moments with Billy’ Its part of a bigger story with lots of little interactions with Neil and Billy.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22658002