#nerdy barbarian

[triaelf9]

Air genasi barbarian self-proclaimed archivist (of dangerous items) with looooow CHA can have a little accidental ruidium corruption on a failed save, as a treat XD. Whoopsies! 😘

Ahhh, Call of the Netherdeep is a blast, love me some Critical Role campaign settings XD

(Quick post-game doodle because how could I not draw my disaster child taking on yet another curse in stride XD)

[lesbinewren]

trying too hard to make your d&d character not a trope is a trope itself, so literally just do what you want. anyone at your table giving you shit for being “unoriginal”, especially if you’re new, shouldn’t be there.

every basic character concept has been done before in some way, but what you personally bring to the character will make them unique no matter what. make the character that appeals to you and roll with it

[beam-of-sunlightbb]

She was rescued from under the rubble of her family home which was bombed.

[hazellblogs]

[allthoughts-headgay]

dumb orc barbarian is cool and all but check out my newest character

Nox Callisto, a tiefling astronomer barbarian. Considers themself an intellectual, a scientist, a researcher, a scholar. In reality, they're a broke college student with anger management isses. They think they manage their anger just fine, with an axe. Just don't spew misinformation or call them a nerd. (They are a nerd. They play an obscure constellation based trading card game. They are convinced the cards aren't worthless, they are.)

[thedragonagelesbian]

everyone clap i had an idea for a warden that i dont hate & might make my canon warden

[ratgrinders]

anyways ivy embra post because on god if she wont get the scenes in canon ill imagine it myself

Ivy and Oisin were friends in middle school. Oisin was still scrawny and hadn't had his growth spurt yet and Ivy hadn't yet gotten her braces taken off. They meet each other in some group project or club or whatever, the setting doesn't matter, but what happens is you have these two children with the inherent shittiness of middle schoolers who maybe haven't had the easiest time making friends because their passive aggressiveness is too aggressive, their barbs not hidden. And they act the same way with this new, kind of nerdy looking stranger they meet and find a kindred spirit. All of a sudden you're 12/13 years old with an outlet for all the shittalking about your classmates you want. You stick together like glue, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you two because they all fuckin suck anyway, and you finally found someone who isn't a wuss and can give as good as they take.

Oisin gets better at hiding it though, being raised by a long family line of evil dragons who have had to hide their connections in plain sight will do that to you. Ivy never lost that edge around her though.

The first day of classes Freshman Year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, Oisin's met with this group of randos, they seem competent enough, the tall sad one seems nice enough if a bit of a pushover and the small one with the ponytail seems to have her entire academic career planned out already. She's intent on the name the High Five Heroes, it's a pun, get it? Because there's five of them. But Oisin won't go anywhere without his best friend. He pulls Ivy over, and Ivy isn't having the best luck finding a party (she insults them saying why would she want to join a party with any of these losers anyway, when they're put off by one pointed comment too many). Oisin tells the others they could do well with a fighter, that they're sticking together. The tall one, the gnome, and the kobold don't seem to mind (or don't care), but the halfling seems to have swallowed a lemon. "Well, there's six of us now which throws off the entire point of the name, but that's fine! I don't care!" (she's stubborn and doesn't want to change it).

Ivy and Kipperlilly clash CONSTANTLY. Kipperlilly's specific brand of Type A nerdiness and uptightness clashes horrifically with Ivy's specific attitude of not giving a fuck and chronic need to get under people's skin. And yet, Kipperlilly's barely concealed rage and passive aggression leads that same realization Ivy had back in middle school, of having finally found a kindred spirit. If there's two things Kipperlilly and Ivy have in common, it's their initial impression driving most people away, and their need to externalize this jealousy and bad feelings as hatred and disdain for others. They LOVE gossiping. Ivy's always down to be a hater.

Corsica Jones, the fighter teacher, sees Ivy come in on the first day of classes, bow in hand, and is immediately reminded of the sister she lost, who is still missing. Every time she trains Ivy on her stance, on basic hand-to-hand, she's reminded of the times she taught her sister the very same things. She's worried, because Ivy always seems so closed off and not very engaged, so full of rage. Unfortunately Corsica's attempts to reach out and forge a connection are stopped in their infancy when instead the barbarian teacher takes an interest in her. "Well, at least she has support from someone on the faculty, even if it isn't me."

It's Oisin that kills her. They always go off as a pair anyway, and Oisin may have been acting off recently but who is she to judge a bit of anger. But a quick stab to the back, one Choice later, and all Ivy can think about is rage.

After the Mountains of Chaos, Ivy's disdain becomes Venomous. Suddenly its not fun gossip but outright Hatred, its saying words maximized for cruelty directly to the person's face, because there's a kind of sick vindication in hurting the people who rejected you for so long, even if they may not deserve it. She and Kipperlilly don't get along anymore, snide comments and petty jabs devolving into screaming matches and insults. She proposes the name Rat Grinders with Oisin, because her stubbornness at refusing to change the name isn't endearing anymore, and there are six of them, did you oppose me joining the party that badly? It's a bit funny to see her so worked up over a stupid party name, that kind of earnest childish straightforwardness of the High Five Heroes makes her gag. The Rat Grinders is a funny inside joke, and Ivy is not comfortable engaging anymore without that layer of irony. For some reason, it doesn't feel good in the same way to hurt Kipperlilly like this, it just leave a knot of frustration that rankles in her stomach, because why does she care so much??

When Lucy dies, she doesn't remember much. She remembers the realization at the choice she'd made, and the rage that followed. Afterwards, though, was a deep all consuming bitterness. Of course she wasn't coming back, little miss goody two shoes never had any intentions of following through and left the rest of us with the fallout. She never expected otherwise, and she refuses to mourn someone who did not give enough of a shit about them to come back. She doesn't think about how Lucy helped her bleach her hair, how she braided Lucy's in return. How Lucy's birthday was coming up and she bought her new clothes, how that bag will stay unopened in her room now.

When she dies on the floor of her high school gymnasium, desperately defending every callous insult she's made with her dying breath, her last moments are spent locking eyes with her best friend, who is looking on in horror. She thinks back to a similar scenario, last year, when that same friend saw her dying and did nothing. She thinks back to them in seventh grade, trading childish insults without any real weight. And then she doesn't think anything at all.

[wilwheaton]

Tell me, good sir: if/when you play DnD, what class(es) do you play?

Until recently, I always played spellcasters. Usually, it was a wizard who was useless until about level 6, because I liked playing the classes that actually took real work to master, and as a skinny, awkward, nerdy kid ... well, wizards were sort of my idealized self. I was smart and bookish, not big and strong. I really liked to imagine being a character who took all the stuff that made me a target for bullies on the playground, and used it to be powerful and valuable to the party.

Also, successfully playing a wizard or cleric in the 80s was HARD. If you're under 40, you probably haven't played the versions of D&D that kept magic users REAL weak and useless for the first several levels. (You started with the ability to *maybe* do 4 points of damage, two times in a session. And you could make magic light.) I loved doing things that were difficult, specifically because my friends would give up before I did. Being a magic user came from and satisfied the same part of me that played goal in hockey: anybody can be the person who scores, but only the people who work really hard at it can stop the shot consistently.

But a couple years ago, something changed in me, and I wanted pure escapism. After a lifetime spent crafting spells and carefully working out builds that gave me a chance to survive long enough to do real damage, I started playing real dumb, real strong, I-hit-the-dragon-with-my-axe barbarians.

Of course, when you roll like I do ... well.

[genericpuff]

Tbh Sicily and Italy in general are actually mentioned quite a lot in Greek texts, including mythological ones, and that's because South Italy was FULL of Greek colonies. To the point the Romans even called it Magna Graecia, that is "Big Greece". There are literally modern productions of Greek plays still held in the ruins of Greek theatres there to this day in memory of that heritage.

And while Ancient World colonialism doesn't always correspond exactly to later examples, if RS had actually developed her idea of having P and H bond over being originally from Sicily and P being ashamed of it, she could have easily found a way to use that to her advantage. P was supposed to be the naive country bumpkin coming to the big city and coming into her own there, anyway. Why not combine the two things?

She could have used the existence of different dialects of Ancient Greek to add a panel of Minthe and Tethys laughing abt P's accent and calling her no better than a barbarian (a "barbarian" was originally someone who clearly showed they were foreign bc they didn't speak Greek fluently) behind her back, high school mean girls style. Or toxic suitor Apollo mansplaining Greek traditions to her which she keeps trying to tell him she's already familiar with. Or heck, H showing an interest in P's life in Sicily and P thinking he's gonna make some rude assumption or lame joke but instead he just geeks out like "you ever met Archimedes of Syracuse? I heard abt that thing with the lever and I love it"... timeline's fucked enough for it anyway, and it would have been better than the pity part we got. Also RS seems to want a lil nerdy charm for H sometimes when she draws him with glasses, and what's nerdier than geeking out over famous mathematicians.

But obv, RS being RS, we only got said pity party and people making "mamma mia" jokes in response. Oh, and this post I remember reading somewhere were people were whining that Sicily shouldn't be mentioned in media abt Ancient Greece bc the poor, poor Americans only know it bc of Mafia so it makes the tone too confusing. Bc that's totally an ok thing to say. Also Americans should never be forced to check Wikipedia ig

Oh absolutely, I don't doubt that Rachel made Persephone Sicilian in an attempt to reference this, it's just really, REALLY funny out of context. Her being Sicilian really has no bearing on her character writing, it seems more like it's just an oddly specific thing thrown in about her and Hades so that they can have something to bond over (because they barely have anything else). Like that one time she anxiously twisted a napkin and Hades remembered back to the one time in the comic we saw HIM twist a napkin and he was like "omg she's just like meeee!"

Her being Sicilian wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if there was actual effort put into writing her as a Sicilian woman. But there isn't so it comes across as really random (and ripe for meme'ing on, even from people who are Sicilian themselves).

[foreverindreamlandd]

Eddie Getting You to Join His DnD Campaign (hc)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

WC: 927

A/N: Listen the fact that I can write a DnD romance is TOO GOOD TO PASS UP especially with this chaotic boy who has ruined me. <3

~~~~

It took Eddie an entire year before inviting you to join his campaign.

He had wanted to the moment he heard you giggling from the other side of the lunch table as he and the Hellfire club recounted their crazy adventures from the night before. How they got a sweet deal on some healing potions by convincing the shop employee to unionize. 

Somehow, the tiniest laugh managed to break through the chaotic cackles coming from the boys, causing his eyes to shoot up until they found the source of the beautiful sound.

It wasn't too much of a surprise to discover it was you.

The person that always managed to catch his eye in the hallway, who made his heart flutter when he watched you approach his table. Lunch quickly became his favorite time of day.

He met your gaze and you smiled, and Eddie knew he was done for.

That was the first moment he wanted to ask, but every time you even so much as looked in his direction, his stomach would turn to knots and his mind felt like it was under the control of a Beholder, and he no longer knew how to form words.

Still, he always made an effort to speak about their trials and victories loudly enough for you to hear, hoping that maybe you would be able to do the thing he wasn’t strong enough to and ask to play.

He wondered what kind of character you would create. A halfling rogue, a half-orc barbarian. He wanted to see the parts of yourself you portrayed in your character, the way you would shine through each adventure.

Little did he know that all it would take was the help of a sassy freshman.

Dustin was a clever one, who claimed to know all things in the world of ‘romance’ thanks to his girlfriend, Suzie. And to be fair, he was able to quickly pick up on the way that Eddie’s eyes kept gravitating toward you, and the unique smile you would give him whenever you looked up to find him staring.

“Hey, Y/n! Ever play DnD?”

Dustin’s character got inspiration their next game for that one.

Of course, you had never played before, so Eddie generously volunteered to meet you after school at a local coffee shop to help create your character.

The moment you said you wanted to be a bard - his favorite class - he couldn’t help the smile that threatened to split his face in two.

And he couldn’t help bring up why he loved bards, because he was a musician.

You smiled at that, asking him to tell him about his band and Eddie swore he saw an angelic glow form around you. He invited you to one of his gigs and you said yes immediately.

You were nervous when you showed up to your first game, still not entirely sure of what you were doing. Eddie made the guys scoot over so that you could sit next to him, insisting that you could ask any question you had.

“I mean, I won’t tell you how exactly to slay a manitcore or whatever, but I can tell you which dice you need to roll and when.”

You frowned, and Eddie felt his heart sink, as if he had finally revealed too much of his nerdy self to you. That it was too much, and you were no longer interested in the game he loved so much, in him.

“I just realized I don’t have any dice to play with,” you murmured, eyes scanning the table as you watched the rest of the Hellfire Club bust out their own dice sets.

Eddie’s brows raised, a small smile curving up his face as relief flooded through him. “Not to worry at all, dear adventurer,” he said in his exaggerated DM voice. “I can help you out with that.”

He gestured for you to hold out your hand, resting a set of dice in them. They were black with gold numbers, and gold shimmers swirling throughout. They looked like embers glistening through the darkness. 

As his fingers rested on your palm, he marveled at the smoothness of your skin, suddenly overcome with the desire to know how soft your hands would feel upon his lips.

He blinked a few times before widening his smile and winking at you. “May these math rocks help you slay all your enemies and woo all the NPCs I can throw at ya.”

You bit your bottom lip as you admired the beauty of the dice in your hands. When you looked up, your eyes were filled with an excitement that made Eddie’s head spin.

“Thanks, Eddie,” you said. “I promise I’ll give them back to you when we’re done.”

He shook his head, scoffing at the idea. “No way. These are a gift to celebrate your first night as an adventurer. Keep them.”

Later, as your head rested on his shoulder and he strummed a soft tune on his favorite guitar in his room, he would finally admit to you that that was his favorite set. The one he used in every game he played. 

His new favorite set was one you had gifted him on his birthday. Gold dice with black numbers and black shimmers swirling throughout. A perfect pair to the one you had gifted him that very first night you played.

When he finally admitted the weight of that gift, all you could do was smile. And when you placed a soft, familiar, loving kiss to his lips, all Eddie could think was that a life with you would be his greatest adventure.

~~~~

Thank you for reading!

Main Masterlist

[twisting-echo]

(Click on picture for better quality)

I made a birthday collage for Randall Boggs! I wanted to post this on his actual birthday, March 26th, but time kept getting away from me, so I guess that makes this a belated birthday collage.

This moodboard-collage completely coincides with my personal headcanon for Randall Boggs, so I'll explain a few things going on here.

I feel if Randall had kept Mike as a friend over Johnny, he would be a completely different person. This collage is more about Randall being a happy person surrounded by the people he loves and is grateful to have them in his life.

I made this collage from the POV of Randall, as if he made it for himself, like some sort of vision board. In my headcanon, Randall isn't evil and has been best friends with Mike and Sulley since kindergarten. So, in the picture on the top left, they went to college together.

The three pictures in a row on the bottom left are some of Randall's favorite things: a purple glittery bath bomb in the shape of a chocolate bar, purple DND dice, and a purple glitter eyeshadow palette. Randall is a very sweet and nerdy guy, and he likes baking, cake decorating, cosmetology, aromatherapy, and DND. He likes to make sweets, bath bombs, and scented candles for his friends.

The picture on the top right is of Merida DunBroch as her Disney Mirrorverse counterpart, for that was one of the versions of her I shipped Randall with. Randall and Merida started off as a crack ship and joke that started when I first began shipping Belle and Sulley, but I ended up liking their relationship dynamic way more than I should. Basically, Randall is a DND nerd with a thing for strong warrior barbarian archer women.

The picture on the bottom right is of Rex Boggs, Randall's nephew. I first discovered Rex in this book I was gifted called "Monsters Inc. Storybook Collection."  Rex is one of the toddlers in the company's daycare program. Similar to his uncle, Rex can "disappear," but he has orange scales and only one frond, as opposed to Randall's purple scales and three fronds. So, in my headcanon, Randall helps his mother take care of Rex and takes him to work with him because his sister is in rehab.

You'll find pictures of cupcakes sprinkled throughout the collage because cupcakes are Randall's favorite baked goods. The "Winds of Change" poster is an actual poster that can be seen in Mike and on Randall's side of the dorm room in Monsters University. The poster is actually a reference to Randall himself, who mentions the phrase “winds of change” in Monsters Inc.

The red symbol above Rex's photo is the symbol of Aries Randall's zodiac sign. It literally says on his scare card that he's 5 feet, 0 inches tall, and his birthday is March 26th, making him an Aries~ ♈

[beam-of-sunlightbb]

These are not mere numbers. Remember, these were real people with dreams, aspirations and ambitions.

[kevindayscrown]

The Foxes and their Dungeons and Dragons classes (Part 1?)

It's time to combine the two things I obsess over the most right now. Aftg and DND. This is a self-indulgent list, but even if you know nothing about DND, this might still be entertaining:)

So, each character gets two classes; the one they would play as, if they were people who simply played the game, and one they would be if they were in the world of Dungeons and Dragons.

Neil: Play as -> Neil would probably enjoy the fun and chaos that comes with being a (wild magic) sorcerer since it has the magic system that's quite fun, and also the chaos and the offence gameplay.

Be -> Neil in the world of Dungeons and Dragons would be a rogue (assassin), plain and simple. Sneaky, lethal, a glass canon, more dexterous than physically strong.

Andrew: Play as -> I think Andrew would not bother learning all the rules for the very complicated classes (even though he can easily memorise them), so he'd probably enjoy simply smashing things as a Barbarian.

Be -> Andrew would also be a rogue, the meme kind who caries daggers all over his body. He also has quite high Intelligence and/or Wisdomn stats, so he would probably work well as an Inquisitive, to read people and root out secrets.

Kevin: Play as -> I think Kevin, being a more tactical and strategic person, would enjoy the Battlemaster Fighter, with all the thinking he would have to do to plan out a successful combat on his part. He'd be hesitant to try a spellcaster, but I can also see him eventually enjoying Wizard, for the combination of utility and damage.

Be -> Maybe I'm biased because I love them, but I think Kevin would be a Paladin. I'm thinking a Paladin forced to swear an Oath to whatever tenets the Moriyamas force him to abide by, and then becoming an Oathbreaker. Eventually, he'd find the right Oath for him. Paladins are the big damage dealers and have enough features they need to be wary of to also make them good strategists.

Aaron: Play as -> Aaron at firsts probably considers DND to be a very stupid nerdy game and absolutely refuses to play as a spell caster. He opts for something like Champion Fighter Human, the most basic of classes. But eventually, he gets so hooked that he starts experimenting and ends up wanting to try all the classes.

Be: He'd be a Cleric, the type that people would expect to do all the healing but who actually prefers to just fuck shit up and wait until half of his companions are unconscious before finally 'wasting' his spell slots to heal them, calling them incompetent for relying on him.

Okay, that's it for now, if I see that people enjoy this part, I might come back to it with the rest of the foxes:3

[lady-lostmind]

Barbarian

Love is: Secretly studying up on the nerd shit he’s into

a @steddielovemonth prompt Thank you @oh-stars for betaing this!

WC: 606 | Rating: T

ao3 link

Steve is really trying to listen to Dustin. Really. But it’s like the kid is speaking a completely different fucking language. 

“I thought you said I could just be a human.”

Dustin scoffs, slamming the giant book down in front of him opened on a page filled with a bunch of creatures with horns and pointy ears. “Why would you pick a human when you can be an elf, or a tiefling?” 

Steve’s brows scrunch together and he shrugs. “I don’t know. There’s too many choices.”

He stares down at the still mostly empty character sheet in front of him. Scribbles Steve in the name slot. 

Dustin stares at him and rolls his eyes. “You’re so boring.” 

Steve gestures to the paper in annoyance. “That’s my name!”

Dustin shakes his head. “That’s for your character’s name.” 

Steve sighs. “Well, his name is Steve too, then.”

“What’s with the sudden interest in DnD anyway? All you ever do is make fun of it.”

Steve feels his face heat and he shrugs. “I’m the only one who doesn’t play, now. Even Robin has gone to the dark side.” 

He doesn’t mention that the last time he came to pick her up he got there a little early and spent the entire hour gawking at Eddie flailing around all sure and confident, slamming his hands down on the table, and sneaking sly glances Steve’s way like he knew what it was doing to him. Which, if he didn’t know there, then the way Steve threw himself at him later when everyone else had gone home probably tipped him off. His nerdy ass boyfriend is hot, okay? Sue him. Plus…Eddie loves this stupid nerd shit. And he’s been bugging Steve to at least sit in on a whole night for months. 

Dustin eventually manages to get Steve’s character sheet filled out, finally relenting and letting Steve basically be himself for the game, boring or not. And he let Steve know they were starting a new campaign (See. He can learn stuff. It’s a campaign. Not game night.) on Friday. 

So, instead of dropping a car full of rowdy teenagers (and Robin) off at Eddie’s trailer and leaving to mope around until they’re all finished, he pulls up and parks, getting out with everyone else, character sheet folded up in his back pocket. 

Robin grabs his arm and shoots him a smug smile. “I knew you would cave.”

Steve rolls his eyes and shrugs. “What else am I supposed to do? You all abandon me once a week for this shit.” 

Robin huffs out a laugh. “Yeah. That’s why you had the sudden change of heart.” 

Steve nudges her with his shoulder and flicks her arm. “Do you think Eddie will give me special nerd privileges since I’m sleeping with the Ring Leader?”

Robin shakes her head. “Dungeon Master, dingus.”

Steve shrugs, his voice dropping low. “Even better.” 

Robin’s face scrunches in disgust. “Ew. Don’t use that voice around me.” 

The kids have already flooded into the trailer by the time Steve and Robin get to the door. Steve can hear Eddie talking loudly, trying to get them settled so they can start. He follows Robin in, quietly taking a seat to her right and spreading his character sheet out in front of him on the table. 

Eddie’s eyes pass over him and he stops mid-sentence with Dustin to stare open mouthed at him. Then his eyes flick down to the wrinkled piece of paper in front of him and he gasps, jumping up on his chair and pointing. “WHAT IS THAT, STEVEN?” 

Steve smiles up at him. “I’m a barbarian!” 

[gonegrove]

The majority of people who like Eddie are the same people who make alignment chart meme jokes having never even read 1 page of a dnd corebook and have no idea that the idea of order vs chaos/that whole chart is literally ripped straight from the pages of the Elric saga.

They’re the people who, when they hear “the white wolf”, they think of Geralt (Netflix edition) with no idea that the first truly famous usage of that was elric of melniboné in the 60s-70s to the point where the company white wolf publishing (makers of the trpg series world of darkness which they also don’t know about) got their fucking name from Elric. There’s even talk of Geralt being Kinda Plagiarizismy in regards to Elric. Literally all of Valyria in asoiaf/got/hotd? Elric of Melniboné.

These are the people who’ve likely never heard of Elvira or Vampira or Vampirella. They’ve never heard of Swamp Thing, if we’re lucky they know about Constantine/Hellblazer from the shitty DC shows. They’ll never read the original comics of Watchmen or The Sandman. They have no idea who Alan Moore is or that he literally does ritual magick. They don’t even know what that is. They have no idea what was in issues of Heavy Metal or how impactful it was. They’ve got no idea who Conan the Barbarian is outside of a vague pop cultural figure and a saying. They’ve never read the Silmarillion, they’ve only seen the movies and probably only the theatrical releases and only a handful of times or their entire lives at best. They’ve never even heard of The Young Ones. They’re people who gush about the MCU and how he’d love it “because he’s a nerd” as if he wouldn’t have been the biggest hater from day one because he read the comics. They’ve never seen a Hammer or Universal horror movie and if they did they’d think they were dumb. They’ve never seen The Munsters or the OG 60s Addams Family.

And they will not fucking shut up about an Eddie who doesn’t exist. An Eddie who would like and respect them. Who is kind and funny and quirky always. Who they can treat like their little blorbo meow meow darling and will only be as nerdy as is interesting and acceptable to them. Who bats his pretty cow eyes at them and calls them cute names. Who gives up dealing or only deals weed. Who’ll listen to their music and like their things while putting away the majority of his own. Who’ll never mock them or look down on them or their interests no matter how much he should given his past behavior— which also doesn’t exist in this fake Eddie. There is no interest in learning about the things that act as his building blocks, no interest in anything but his looks and the idea of a metalhead/nerd boyfriend.

Except I can guarantee if they actually met him they wouldn’t like him, wouldn’t respect his interests and would talk down to him. And Eddie would not be as nice as they think he is, nor would he want to know them or respect their interests since they’re generally “mainstream”. If you like Taylor Swift— he WILL not respect you AT ALL. Like I get it— y’all want a manic pixie dream boy and you chose him. But don’t think I will not be throwing rocks at you the entire time you shit down the neck of things I care about to do it.

[teamdilf]

I’m romancing Gale right now and have so many Gale-related feelings. His romance scene in act two is just so lovely.

My Durge is a barbarian because I love the idea of this nerdy wizard man with a big, beefy girlfriend who likes to throw sharp objects at anyone who gets near her man. 💜