#never noticed tbh whoops

[misanthropecopy]

Me: -Gets on deviantart after two years to post some art-

A message on my DA: Hey! Can we use some of the Pokemon art you made for this gaming project? :D

Me looking at my previous works: What? This crap?

[illyrianbitch]

An Education in Malice — Part Three

Pairing: Vanserra!Reader x Azriel

Summary: With the sharp tongue of your notorious family, you are Azriel's most tantalizing challenge yet. It only takes one small meeting before you both realize that the line between hate and desire is dangerously thin.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT lots of bickering, sexual tension, threats, name calling, slight torture and wound descriptions, two emotionally dysregulated cunts tbh

Word Count: 8.2k (whoops i got carried away sorry)

←Part Two | Series Masterlist | Part Four🡢

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 

After Lucien left Autumn, you saw him once in a while, found time to meet with him in Spring when things weren’t treacherous at home. It wasn’t often, but it was a breath of fresh air when you usually needed it most. You always assumed that feeling came with the openness of Spring— the feeling of being able to laugh with your brother.

But it only got harder over time and things slowly got bitter. Lucien tried his best to persuade you, had convinced you of a future for yourself you never would’ve imagined. Tamlin was ready to welcome you, to give you a space in his court, in his home. But you declined. Over and over, you declined. And eventually, Lucien stopped asking— and stopped pretending he wasn’t deeply hurt by your refusals. 

Before meeting with Azriel, it had been quite some time since you’d stepped foot in the Spring Court.  You hadn’t seen firsthand the damage that was done by Hybern. 

The house you stood in was nestled amidst the Spring Court's grassy expanse, dainty and modest but still beautiful, something so reminiscent of a peaceful, lively history.  You could almost feel an echo in these walls, something dull and quiet, a haunting remnant of a life that was lived here. The silence was broken only by the soft shuffle of your footsteps against the dusty floorboards. 

Sunlight filtered through the large, dusty windows, casting golden hues upon the scattered papers that littered the floor like fallen leaves in autumn— you stared at it for a moment, at the rays of light pouring through as normal, as if there was still a family inside to bask in their warmth.

"This is not where we meet.”

You bit back a grin as you nonchalantly shrugged, casting a quick glance over your shoulder. Sure enough, there he stood, spine straight and eyes burning into your back. Azriel had an affinity for quiet entrances, you’d noticed. But no matter how stealthy he tried to be, you could always sense him. Somehow, somewhere deep inside you.

 "I do things differently than my brother.”

You ran your fingers along a worn tabletop as you walked past it,  turning to face him fully as you leaned against the wood. There was a casual ease about your movements that you knew made Azriel uncomfortable, something you did that made his shadows swarm around him like angry bees to a heavily disturbed beehive. 

Your gaze met his.  "Besides, it's not like Tamlin will mind. Or these people," you said, gesturing around the abandoned, empty room with a sweep of your hand. "Seems like this home has been devoid of life since your High Lady let Hybern decimate this court."

Azriel's rough growl rumbled low in his chest, his shadows quickly slithering up his body to curl around his wings. From behind him they flared slightly, shadows hovering on their apexes like dark sentinels. You watched the display for a moment. And then your gaze fell back to Azriel’s face. 

You raised a single eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of your lips.

"And they call Tamlin a beast."

Your voice was laced with equal parts mockery and challenge, a talent you’d learned to refine over the years. It always filled you with such satisfaction to see the flicker of annoyance on the males you used it with, the anger that grew in the muscles of their body.

Azriel said nothing, gave no response aside from the clench of his jaw and a flare of his nostrils. He was never one for self-composure, never needed to hone the skill. If he wasn’t staying in the shadows, quietly absorbing any information that was willingly shared in the dark, he was using his methods to get answers— and those methods, that duty, didn’t require him to have self control. If anything, his simmering anger helped him. But he was being careful now— around you, specifically. 

Another moment passed and Azriel’s shadows returned to their original place around his torso. He tucked his wings tightly between his shoulder blades. You frowned at the motion, watching as he scanned you, took in your entire presence before him, and turned to leave. 

It was your turn to clench your jaw, for your nostrils to flare in anger. A feeling of deja-vu ran through you like a wave, a memory of how he’d walked away from you in that forest, of how he had dismissed you so quickly then, too. You glared at his retreating form, pushing yourself off the table to stand.

"And where are you going?"

There was a sharp edge to your voice, a dripping venom that Azriel quickly recognized. His footsteps faltered for a moment. 

"Away," he replied tersely.

You weren’t one to beg. If circumstances were different, you’d gladly let him leave, make some comment to push him out the door yourself. After all, the last time you’d seen him your sole goal was to ensure he was out of your hair— out of your business. But things had changed. Eris needed you, and you needed Azriel. You needed an edge– a starting point. Anything. And deep down you knew Azriel had something to offer, that his shadows, his time submerged in them, must have gotten some information, some whisper, that could help you. 

If anything, he’d be able to help you with your current situation. You tossed a glance toward the small hallway behind you, towards the closed door at the end of it. You let out a small growl. 

 "We haven't talked," you snapped, “You’ve been here for less than five minutes. Are you giving up so quickly?”

Slowly, he turned to face you, his gaze a smoldering ember, tense with a restrained fury. "We've talked enough." 

There was a small hunger burning deep inside his stomach now and Azriel knew what he needed to do. He needed to go home and tell Rhysand that he, in fact, wasn’t up for this job. He needed to tell him that he had better things to do with his time, that due to the recent silence, perhaps these meetings weren’t needed in the first place. He made a move to leave once more. 

If you were angry before, you were even more pissed now. You were willing to cooperate despite every fiber of your being itching to set him alight, to leave him and remind him of his place. And he was toying with you. 

With a sharp intake of breath, you snapped your hand out, inadvertently dislodging a piece of wood from the top of the doorframe. Azriel's shadows shot out, snatching the fiery fragment from the air before it could fall. With a swift motion, tendrils of black shadow extinguished the flames, engulfing the fire and leaving only the scent of smoke lingering in the air. 

You blinked, watching as Azriel looked down at the burnt piece of wood that now dropped at his feet. He kicked it off his boots in a gesture of casual regard. 

You took a deep breath as you repeated, "I said we haven't talked.”

Slowly, Azriel turned around, his gaze piercing, expression etched with a simmering anger that would send most fleeing. You matched it as best as you could. He began to advance towards you, each step deliberate and measured, agonizingly slow. You found yourself rooted to the spot, unable to tear your gaze away from his approaching form. Despite the seething anger that coursed through your veins, you forced yourself to draw in deep breaths, fists clenched at your sides, nails digging into your palms. 

Every muscle in your body screamed for action, for release, but you remained still.

Bending down slightly, he brought himself to eye level with you. His eyes scanned you, dissecting you with the precision of a predator sizing up its prey. And then, in a voice that dripped with authority and a burning fury, he spoke. "Tell Eris that if he isn't the one to meet with us, our agreement is over."

Your jaw clenched at his proximity, at the predatory gleam in his eyes that dared you to back down. But you refused to cower. You were growing tired of males in your life giving you commands. 

"Last I checked, you're a lap dog, not a High Lord. You don't give orders.”

His breathing mirrored your own, both turning shallow and erratic. As if in response to the heavy atmosphere, Azriel's shadows stirred, darkness swirling around him like a cloak of night. His wings extended. Then he straightened, the tension in the air easing slightly as he pulled away, breaking the almost suffocating closeness between you. 

“Why would I talk to you?” Azriel spoke. "Did you not threaten me the last time we spoke?"

You narrowed your eyes at his question, a bitter laugh escaping your lips as you shook your head in disbelief. "Oh my gods," you mocked, bringing a hand to your lips in exaggerated surprise. "Is this what this is all about?"

With a sarcastic lilt to your voice, you continued, "Did I hurt your feelings, Shadowsinger? Is that it?" 

Azriel's gaze hardened into something almost tangible, eyes narrowing into slits that bore into yours. Tension coiled in the muscles of his jaw. He gave no response. 

"Fine," you said, "If you're so sensitive, send someone else to keep this arrangement."

You waited for a moment, watched as Azriel stood quietly before you.

"Rhysand should have never agreed to working with your pathetic excuse of a brother."

A familiar heat rose within your stomach.  "My pathetic excuse of a brother," you echoed, "has saved your asses multiple times, whether you're willing to admit it or not."

A silence stretched between you. You clenched your jaw.

"Rhysand made this agreement," you hissed, "So be a good little Spymaster and spill your guts."

His demeanor remained stoic, but there was a subtle shift in his expression as his gaze scanned you once more, eyes narrowing slightly in contemplation. Something new gleamed in them, now, a hint of amusement deep within the hazel-brown. Even his shadows had stilled, coming to a slow circling around his arms. 

"I thought that agreement didn't apply to you?"

"Things have changed." 

"How very convenient for you.”

Frustration boiled in your chest.  "The sooner you give me any updates, the sooner you can crawl back into your shadows to wallow in self-pity," you spat.

Azriel's eyebrow raised in response. But still, there was no verbal answer, no indication of any real response. 

Straightening your posture, you adopted a facade of sweetness, a coy smile playing at the corners of your lips. "At this point, I'm starting to think you're finding reasons to stay and argue with me," you said, "If you want to fuck again, just ask. You’re getting desperate. It’s not a good look."

His eyes darkened instantly— as if you’d offended him in some deeply egregious way. "No updates,” he snarled.

You were torn on whether to smirk at his response or to offer a snarl of your own. 

"That's what you said last time we spoke,” you responded, “Over a month ago.” 

"Sorry to disappoint, princess.”

Azriel made it a point to emphasize the last word, to add as much venom as he could to the syllables that it contained. It practically dripped of contempt. His shadows flickered and writhed around him.

His silence, his nonchalance, his arrogant demeanor—  it was all beginning to eat at you, beginning to gnaw at whatever patience you had collected to be here before him. In the back of your mind you kept reminding yourself, kept repeating it over and over again: Eris needed you. And you needed Azriel. 

“You came here,” you said through gritted teeth, “You found me. Why bother making the trip if you had nothing of use to offer?”

Ever so slightly, like a dog curiously sizing up another animal, Azriel’s head tilted. He offered a half shrug. “It was expected of me.”

You scoffed. "As a good lapdog, I suppose."

A growl cut through the air like a warning. "Watch it," he cautioned.

"I don't think I will," you replied coolly, "You're all useless, as usual, so I guess I'll find out what I need to know by myself."

He raised an eyebrow in response, a subtle tick in his jaw as he scanned your face once more. Then, he turned to leave for what felt like the fifteenth time within the hour. 

You bit at the inside of your cheek. "And to think I had a little gift for you."

He stopped in his tracks, turning back to face you with a scowl. "What are you talking about?" 

“Doesn’t matter.” You shrugged nonchalantly, feigning indifference as you inspected your nails with exaggerated interest. "But, y’know, I always thought one of the perks of being a shadowsinger was being able to hear things other people didn't.”

You dropped your hand to look up at him. “Guess not.”

The muscles in Azriel's jaw tensed, his patience wearing thin as he took a menacing step closer to you. "You’re insufferable," he snarled, his voice a low rumble that reverberated through the room. “What are you hiding?”

“Rude.” You pouted. “And it’s not a what, so much as a who.”

Azriel’s gaze lingered on you, his eyes following the movement of your lips as they curved into a smile.  "Come on, pretty boy,” you taunted, voice laced with amusement, “If you’re not gonna use your shadows, at least use those arched ears of yours.” 

He scowled, letting his shadows fall from where he had been purposely containing them. Instantly they dispersed throughout the house. Az stood still— eerily, stone, still— as his eyes remained trained on you. A moment later, realization dawned on his face, his expression shifting from anger to something cooler. 

You chewed at your lip.  "Now, should I be flattered that my presence is so distracting?" 

A new grin began to widen as he shot you a glare, instantly moving towards the hallway of the small house, his shadows curling around his ankles while a few lone tendrils led the way.

The hallway was small, with only a few doors lining either side. He passed two in quick succession before finally reaching the room at the end of the hallway.

Pushing open the door, Azriel's shadows spilled into the room and he stilled, gaze falling to the unmoving form of a male sprawled on the floor. He was bloody and bruised, features twisted in pain as he lay in a pool of his own blood. 

He was alive. This Azriel knew from both his shadows and the shallow rise and fall of the male’s chest. He blinked, taking in the scene for another moment. From behind him, he heard your soft footsteps cease. 

When he turned to look at you, you were still grinning at him, a glint of something in your eye that made him nervous, of all things. 

"This is…" you began as you walked to where Azriel stood, positioning yourself next to him as you continued to speak. “One of my father's men.”

You gestured toward the man on the floor, shaking your head with a small chuckle of disbelief. "Somehow he’s one of my father's most trusted– has been out on a few errands for him.” You turned to look up at Azriel, only to find his gaze already on you. "Such a shame he’s on a drunken bender now... or at least, that's what everyone in Autumn is saying."

Azriel's gaze shifted from you to the man on the floor, his expression unreadable as he stared at the scene before him. "Did Eris bring him here?"

You scoffed at the suggestion. "I take offense to that, Shadowsinger. This was all me. Eris doesn't know.”

The answer drew Azriel’s gaze back to you, eyes narrowing with what you could only assume was a mix of skepticism and curiosity. 

"Why not?" 

You met his stare with a steely gaze of your own. "Don't worry yourself with the details.”

Your tone was cold enough to make him fall silent once more as he turned his attention back to the male on the floor. 

"You haven't heard even a whisper about Koschei?” You said, “Then he's probably your best bet, given Beron's incessant need for a power grab."

Beron. Azriel took note of how you used the term father interchangeably with his name. He stored the information away in his mind, reminding himself to think about it later– to assess if it was important enough to use against you in some shape or form. 

Azriel turned around to meet your gaze.  "What do you want?"

A smirk tugged at the corners of your lips as you met his intense stare. "Maybe you're smarter than I give you credit for.”

But Azriel wasn't having it. He growled in frustration, patience clearly wearing thin as his scowl grew deeper. "What do you want," he repeated.

You didn't flinch. "I need you to be useful for once in your pathetic life and make him talk," you stated bluntly. “Obviously I can't keep him here. But I don't have spare dungeons just lying around. We're a bit more civil in Autumn than you night dwellers.”

"Civil isn't the word I'd use," Azriel gritted his teeth.

You rolled your eyes, biting back the answering remark that was on the tip of your tongue. You knew you’d have plenty more opportunities to tell him off, to make him simmer in his own anger and evident self-hatred. But you needed to buy that extra time first.

“I need you to take him somewhere and do your job. And I need you not to tell your owner about it—not yet, anyway."

Azriel sent a withering glare your way, but he didn’t bother to respond. If he were to acknowledge your words, acknowledge the jabs you were making at him, he was bound to lose control. He could feel it bubbling inside him already. 

“And why the hell would I do that?” 

You let out a small contemplative hum. The sound held a gentle caress to it, one that stood in such contrast to you— and to the bloodied male that lay before you both. It made Azriel shiver, made him itch to make a move. He wasn’t sure what move it would be, didn’t trust himself enough to think about it for too long. 

“You’re desperate,” you said, cocking your head at him. “I can sense it. This silence, the lack of any movement or threat, it has you unsettled.” 

Azriel’s glare remained fixed on you, a burning intensity that could have set you ablaze if he had been ‘blessed’ with powers just like you. It made you excited, the realization that you still evoked such strong emotions in an otherwise emotionless male. 

“I don’t think you know how to exist when you aren’t needed,” you murmured, “And your only skillset seems to fall in between fighting and fucking.”

His shadows swarmed around him as he rolled his shoulders back, wings extending out and high to tower over you— a reminder of who he was, in case you had forgotten. He was sending you a warning. 

“And what if I were to say no?” Azriel said, his darkened eyes drinking you in like a new challenge. “If I were to take him now, hide him somewhere and get the answers I needed?”

“You wouldn’t get far,” you said matter-of-factly, “You make the mistake of underestimating me.”

He thought back to his encounters with you, to the venomous bite of your tongue and the fire in your veins. He asked honestly, voice deep and rough like gravel, “Is that so?”

“All I care about is figuring out what my father is doing. Everything else? That’s on you.”

It was all true. You didn’t care about Koschei— not truly, not about him specifically. If it came down to it and there was a way to protect your family, to protect Eris and Lucien, to protect your mother and your hounds, even your other brothers, you would let him burn the world down. It didn’t matter to you. All that mattered was ensuring that power, that leverage, didn’t end up with your father. The savior complex of the Night Court could deal with the rest. 

“So if you try to cross me, I’ll kill him,” you pointed to the male on the floor. And then, you brought a finger to Azriel, “And then, I’ll go after someone you care about. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t dreamed of what it would feel like to make your sorry excuse of a family burn.”

Something snapped within Azriel, some thin sense of resolve that he had been delicately protecting by remaining quiet, passive even. In an instant, faster than his own shadows could process, he had you by the throat, pinning you against the wall with a force that stole your breath away. His eyes blazed with fury as he held you in place, grip tightening as he leaned in to share a breath with you. 

"You have a death wish, princess," he growled, voice low and dangerous, sharp like a sword. "I don’t care about Rhysand’s deal with your brother, with you. If you threaten my family, I’ll kill you."

Slowly, a smirk grew on your lips, tantalizing and wicked in a way that made Azriel’s own shadows still. Your smirk only widened as Azriel's grip tightened around your throat.

You could feel his anger radiating from him, could see it in the flare of his wings, in his breathing—heavy and ragged like a wound-up beast on the brink of attack.

"Is it killing me you think about when I run through that mind of yours?" you gasped out, your voice laced with a dangerous, intoxicating edge. "Or is it something else?"

The words seemed to strike a nerve, igniting a deeper, darker blaze of fury behind Azriel's eyes. He knew you were right, knew that thoughts of you had haunted his mind more than he cared to admit. Images of you, of your defiance and your vile mouth, had conjured themselves in his darkest fantasies, igniting a desire within him that he struggled to contain— how much he had enjoyed you, how starved he was to repeat it again, to make you submit in some form. 

"Shut up," he growled, his voice rough, strained.

"You want me dead, Shadowsinger?” you managed to taunt, your words punctuated by ragged breaths as his hand remained wrapped around your throat.  “Allow me to help you get a head start."

With a deliberate slowness, you raised your hand, revealing the glint of Truth-Teller, watching as Azriel's eyes flickered to the dagger, his expression betraying a hint of alarm.

A surge of adrenaline coursed through you as you observed his reaction, as you watched a sense of realization pass through his face— perhaps he had begun to realize that you were not just a challenge, you were an equal. A proper threat.

His shadows surged forward, pinning your wrist to the wall with a force that made a strained gasp leave your tightening throat. The dagger slipped from your grasp, clattering to the floor with a metallic echo.

Despite the pressure against your windpipe, you managed to maintain your composure, your voice steady, albeit broken, as you spoke, "I told you that you were underestimating me."

Azriel looked over his shoulder at the male behind him, running the scenarios through his mind. You were right. He was unsettled— not only by the silence, but by some unquenchable thirst he’d been feeling. He veered away from admitting the truth, from admitting that his duties as a Spymaster helped him relieve some deep tension that had forged itself into his very bones, anger that was born out of every event of his life. It made him feel powerful, made him feel useful, made him feel in control. 

He’d been lacking in that area recently. He wanted to be in control again. This scenario, the male before him, a secret deal with you— being with you, it made for some sinister compromise in his deeply troubled mind. Something that made him hungry, made his thoughts hazy. 

“I’m not a patient female,” you hissed, “Make up your mind or get the hell out of here.”

Azriel knew better— somewhere deep in his gut, even deep in his mind, he knew better. But his rationality wasn’t the part he tended to listen to. So against his better judgment, and in favor of the burning he felt in his chest, of the sickening sense of excitement that had begun to grow, and the allure of your grin, he let out a breath and released his grip on you.

 “Fine.”

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 

It had been a few days now, a week almost, since Azriel relocated Renard– as he’d so kindly offered his name— to an area where he could interrogate him farther.

The day had been quiet, nothing beyond familial affairs and brotherly gossip within your home. So you decided to pay Azriel a visit— see just how much this deal was benefiting you.

You stood silently for a while, observing Azriel as he circled Renard with an eerie calmness. You held on to any words that he spoke, absorbing any information you could— just in case Azriel began to pick and choose what he wanted to share. You knew that he knew you were there, that he’d sensed you the minute you’d winnowed in. But he hadn’t made any move to acknowledge you. You doubted he would anytime soon. 

This was how it had been for the past week. Azriel, as you had come to learn, went into a certain headspace when he immersed himself in his duties. He was frightening enough on his own, in his normal stature shrouded in his own shadows, wings on display. But in this state, as an active spymaster, even you found yourself being careful. Not as much as you should have been, but far more cautious than you usually were. 

A few more minutes passed, minutes filled with cryptic talk and groans of pain. You pushed yourself off the wall and walked closer to the opening.

"For a Spymaster, you're awfully bad at your job.”

Renard’s head snapped up to where you stood and he sneered as he caught sight of you, eyes filling with contempt. "If it isn’t the backstabbing whore herself," he spat, "When your father finds out what you've been up to, he'll—"

You clenched your jaw as your gaze flickered to him, taking in his form– bound to a metal chair, covered in his own dried blood. The irritation in your gut calmed as you gave him a scowl. 

"For a male bound to a chair like a bitch, you sure are mouthy.”

Renard opened his mouth once more, but before any sound could leave it, a flurry of Azriel’s shadows snaked around his neck, curling up to his mouth to gag him. He thrashed against the movement, attempting to bite at the strange, foreign feeling that bound his mouth. You grinned. 

You shot a pointed look at Azriel. "See, I had him talking already.”

There was no response. Azriel didn’t even look back, didn’t mutter a sound. He seemed more stoic than usual, more quiet than you were used to. It was unsettling. 

“You’re holding back,” you said. A statement— an observed fact.

Azriel threw a bitter glare your way, but his gaze didn't linger, falling back down to his stained hands as he methodically wiped his blade clean with a rag. "You talk too much," he muttered, tone clipped with irritation.

You ignored his deflection. "Is it Elain?"

He stiffened, hands stilling around the blade. For a moment, the only sound in the room was the soft rustle of fabric against steel as Azriel continued to clean the blade with meticulous precision, opting to ignore you to the best of his ability. But you could see it, the tick in his jaw, the tension in his wings— his restraint was slowly chipping away. 

"I can't blame you," you continued, "I've heard she's a real sweetheart. I bet you can't wait to get those blood-stained hands on her, ruin her in some way she can never return from."

The color drained from Azriel's face as his jaw clenched further, the siphons on his hands flickering with blue heat. 

"But she wouldn't stay with someone so dark, would she?" you mused aloud, a mocking lilt to your voice. "Someone so starved for affection."

The room fell into another tense silence as Azriel's grip tightened on his blade, the bound male before you shifting uncomfortably in his chair. But still, Azriel remained silent, expression hard as he continued to stare at the weapon in his hands. 

You felt a surge of frustration building within you, prickling and hot. You wanted a reaction, to break whatever resolve he was clinging to so that you could get the information you needed. 

"I miss Lucien quite a bit," you remarked casually. “He’s always had a great sense of humor. Tell me, can you hear Elain’s giggles through those picture-perfect walls of your Velaris homes? As she chooses a Vanserra over you?”

Azriel finally let out a low, guttural growl, a cloud seemingly descending upon his mind— obscuring his thoughts with a haze of anger and frustration. In one fluid movement, he lunged forward, driving the dagger into Renard’s chest, the blade sinking deep into his flesh as if his skin were a sheath. You, his mind seemed to growl at him, you insufferable, pretentious- 

His shadows slithered up his arms like dark serpents, and before Renard could utter another word of defiance with his newfound freedom, Azriel's fist connected with his face in a brutal blow, sending his head down in a motionless heap.

Azriel turned to face you, eyes burning with a loathing intensity that sent a nervous flutter through your stomach. His jaw was clenched, features taut with a dark anger, yet there was something else there too—a glimmer of excitement, perhaps, maybe even a hint of begrudging respect.

You were torn between fear and defiance, heart pounding in your chest as you met his gaze. There was a part of you that continued to relish in the power you held over him, the way you could push him to the edge with just a few carefully chosen words. But there was also a part of you that held strong to the reminder that you were playing a dangerous game with not nearly enough leverage. 

His gaze bore into you with an energy that made your heart quicken. Wings extended, he rolled his shoulders and took deliberate steps forward. Despite your efforts to stand your ground, you found yourself instinctively stepping back. Fuck.

Azriel noticed the movement instantly, his gaze flickering down to where your foot had shifted. When he looked back up at you, there was a gleam in his eyes that sent a shiver down your spine.

“Is this your way of begging for my attention?" he said, his voice low and dangerous. “Has your court finally grown bored of you?”

A certain heavy anger boiled under your skin. "Fuck you," you spat. Your hands curled at your sides. 

A chilling smirk curled upon Azriel's lips. "You already have.”

He took another step forward and you stumbled backwards until your back hit the cold, unforgiving stone wall behind you.

"It's interesting," Azriel mused, "You say so many things about me, yet you let me fuck you— begged me for it. Do you hate yourself, is that it?"

For a male of little words, Azriel sure knew the right ones to say— and the ways to say them. He was mocking you, playing with you in the same manner you’d toyed with him. You had to admit that being on the receiving end wasn’t as fun. And your patience was wearing thin. 

You met Azriel's gaze with a mask of annoyance.

"Contrary to what your life experience might lead you to believe, some people actually like themselves.”

A small cock of his head.

"I don’t see what there is to like.”

You blinked. Then, a spark in your stomach lit and you were biting back a smirk. 

“Saw enough to fuck me.”

His jaw clenched. Seconds later, something flickered across his face, rolling through the scowl he wore. His eyes narrowed, the intensity of his gaze boring into yours with a new kind of intensity— something hungrier. 

“You were right,” he said, his voice low.

The sudden shift in his tone caught you off guard, leaving you feeling unsettled and apprehensive. He was too calm now, too collected compared to moments prior. It was dangerous— dangerous enough to make your heart quicken. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" 

Another step towards you, close enough to where you both stood practically chest to chest, sharing a breath. 

"It isn’t just killing you that runs through my mind,” Azriel murmured.

His hand slithered up your collarbone, a roll of anticipation coursing through you at the touch. 

Then, with a swift motion, his hand twisted, fingers wrapping around the base of your neck, fingers threading through your hair. You let out a small, breathless gasp as he pulled roughly at the nape of your neck, coaxing you to tilt your head back, neck exposed fully to him.

He leaned in closer, breath hot against your skin as his nose brushed against your neck— tracing a path to your pointed ear. 

"You have no idea," he breathed, "The things I've imagined doing to you..."

He pulled back to meet your gaze, eyes heavy and blown-out in a haze of lust. He brought a rough hand to grip your chin, the pad of his thumb moving to trail over your bottom lip. "Putting this mouth to better use.”

You let out a small breath, heart pounding in your stomach as a familiar hunger began to grow deep in your stomach. Your body hummed with desire as you locked eyes with him. Azriel stilled, his thumb settling motionless on your lip. His eyes flickered to yours. 

“Does this turn you on, Y/n? Being pressed against a wall, so eager to be put in your place?”

For a moment, you stared intently into those hazel irises, into the dark, sickening sense of desire that flickered in them. Far in the back of your mind, a realization gnawed at you, nipped at you like a small animal begging for attention. This was a bad, bad idea.

Which made it all the more fun.

You surged forward, closing the distance between you and pulling him into a rough kiss fueled equal parts by anger and desire. 

Azriel let out a growl as he pressed you further against the wall, hands roaming eagerly over your body. One hand found its way to your waist, pulling you closer to him with an iron possessive grip while the other quickly moved to grip your ass, bunching the fabric of your dress in his hands. 

You indulged him, mirroring the aggression and pressing hard into the hands that grabbed you, into his chest as you pulled him closer by a rough hand around the base of his neck. You moaned into the kiss, the sound muffled by his lips as he ravished you, nipping at your lips in an attempt to coax the sound out of you once more. 

The kiss was forceful, violating. Your teeth knocked together as Azriel moved his tongue deeper into your mouth, moving it in tandem with your own as you met his mouth in conflicted familiarity — movements both desperate, hot and heavy, separated by only your own gasps.

Azriel’s shadows began to coil around him as a distant groan echoed through the room. With a heavy breath, he pulled away from you.

"What?" you managed to gasp out, voice breathless as your eyes shuttered open.

He glanced over his shoulder, eyes falling to Renard’s stirring form, watching as he slowly came to from whatever hellscape Azriel's punch had thrown him into.

There was the clear choice: push you off, swear to himself that he wouldn’t indulge in such fantasies again and focus on getting answers for his family— information to protect those he loved from an imminent threat. 

And then there was the other choice, just as tempting as it was inherently wrong.

He looked back to you, to your swollen lips and dark gaze. 

Without a second thought, Azriel pulled you back into him, covering you both with his shadows as he winnowed away. 

The world spun in a dizzying whirlwind of movement. Disoriented, you pulled away, faintly recognizing the small home you’d grown familiar with, the same rays of sun peeking through wide windows. Azriel closed the distance between you once more— a kiss of tongue and teeth, rough hands pawing at you like an animal in heat, movements led by a hunger that matched your own. With a rough urgency, he guided you towards the small living area— the image of you pressed over a couch, bent over for him, grew in his mind. 

Azriel pulled apart, tugging at the material of your dress. A rough hand snaked up your waist, his large palm grabbing one of your breasts. 

"Take this off.”  He brought you in for another searing kiss. 

"Stop telling me what to do.”

With a swift movement, Azriel spun you around, hand gripping your neck as he pulled you into him. You could feel the hardness of his arousal pressing against you through his leathers and you fought the urge to writhe in need. 

"There's that attitude," he growled into your ear. A wave of anticipation sparked in your stomach, his voice sending a wave of arousal that began to pool at your core. "I can't wait to fuck it out of you again.”

A smirk tugged at your lips as you turned your head to peer back at him. “And you say I’m the one who talks too much.”

Azriel's eyes darkened, jaw twitching as he removed his hand from your throat, wasting no time as he roughly threw you forward onto the armrest of the couch. You let out a small gasp at the sudden movement, arousal surging through you as his hands worked to push your dress up, the fabric bunching around your waist.

The fact that you were still clothed only added to the burning in your chest— something about it, in this abandoned home, made it feel even dirtier, even more sinful. The first time could have been written off as a bad decision in a lustful, angry haze, but this— this was deliberate. This was purposeful. And you wanted it— badly. 

A groan echoed in the air as Azriel finally stripped you bare of your lace underwear, fingers grazing over the soaked fabric with a primal need. With shallow, heavy breaths, he took in the sight before him, eyes dark with desire as he drank in the curve of your back, the way you instinctively arched in the open air. 

His hands found purchase on your ass, kneading the soft skin of your cheeks with a possessive grip. There was a haze clouding both of your minds now. Azriel felt like a starved animal, like a man already praying for release. 

For you, there was a deep, desperate need to be touched by him further, to feel him inside you again. 

Another moment passed as he gripped your ass in his rough hands. It was sickening how much he was enjoying it, enjoying the way his scarred hands ran over your skin, how his siphon glared and glistened with every pulse of desire that ran through him. His cock stirred.

You gritted your teeth together in response to the urgency in your body, at the fire his touch started beneath your skin. A sound of frustration left your mouth.  

“Are you just going to stare or are yo-”

Your sentence halted abruptly, interrupted by the sudden slap of Azriel's hand against your ass. 

The sting of the impact sent a jolt of electricity rippling down your legs, the feeling instantly intensified by the burning sensation of his finger tracing along your folds.

"Look at that," he crooned, "So eager for my touch."

Two fingers drove into you. Your back arched in response as a delicate moan left your lips. 

Azriel's voice, low and husky, wrapped around you like a caress as he observed your response to his touch. “So responsive.”

He drew fingers out, slowly working up to circle your clit with your own wetness. He curled his fingers into you again, pulling a faint whine from your lips. You bit at your lip, gnawed at it in an attempt to quiet yourself: With each thrust of his fingers, you felt yourself building to the edge of ecstasy.

You attempted to grind your hips back into him. 

But before you could fully indulge in the sensation, a faint tug wrapped around your legs. His shadows coiled around your ankles with a sudden force, yanking your legs apart and holding them firmly in place.

A gasp escaped your lips as you registered the movement, legs bowing under the pressure as his shadows— as Azriel and his fingers— exerted their control over you. His left hand grabbed hold of your ass, locking you in place as his fingers continue to plunge into you.

Azriel hummed in approval at the sight before him, his tongue running along his lip at your vulnerable position.

"You look even better restrained like a good little whore.”

The voice that spoke was almost unrecognizable, even to Azriel himself,  dripping in lust, deeper and rougher than you’d ever heard. A growl escaped your lips.

"A lot of talk and not enough action, Shadowsinger.”

His jaw clenched at the taunt, the muscles on his arms and throughout his back tensing in response. Instead of responding, Azriel’s fingers worked to undo his leathers, quickly freeing himself from the confines of his pants, his length springing free and throbbing with need.

He stroked himself once, twice, his gaze never leaving yours as you lay beneath him, breathless with anticipation.

“Do you want me to fuck you, princess?”

Your heart gave a throb and something in your stomach clenched. At the sound of his voice, your muscles tightened, and by the way Azriel’s breath hitched, the way his body tensed further, you knew he could feel it beneath his fingertips. “Yes,” you answered without hesitation, because how could you not.

He guided a fisted length along your slit until the thick head was pressed against your glistening core— teasingly, agonizingly slow, Azriel repeated the motion. Once, twice, a third time, watching as the tip of his cock slowly collected the wetness of your cunt— the slick that he had caused.  

He hovered above you, cock poised at your entrance as you ached for the release that only he could provide— a scary, insidious reality you’d come to acknowledge. 

Azriel let out a guttural groan as he pushed himself inside of you, your slick walls welcoming him eagerly.

"Oh fuck," he breathed, face contorting in pleasure as he watched himself disappear into your cunt.

The stretch of him was delicious, a sudden feeling of fullness pulling a whimper from your lips as you surrendered to him. Azriel moved his hips slowly, savoring the sensation of being buried deep within you.

He spread your cheeks with his fingers, wanting to admire the sight of his cock disappearing into you— his grip grew tighter the longer he watched, the harder he attempted to store the image away in his mind, somewhere he could reach for it at a later time. His movements were deliberate, each roll of his hips pushing his cock farther, deeper, into you. Agonizingly, teasingly slow.

But you wanted more. You needed more.

“C’mon, pretty boy,” you crooned from over your shoulder, pausing to bring your bottom lip between your teeth. “You can do better than that.”

He let out a growl— a sound more animal than it was fae. And then he was pulling himself out, quickly pushing himself back in to sheath himself to the hilt once more. The force of it alone sent your body forward, and Azriel was quick to grip your waist in his hands and pull you back into him, into his relentless pace. 

“Gods,” Azriel groaned, more to himself than you, “I’ve missed this tight cunt.”

Your back arched more each time he plowed into you, the bow of your spine more pronounced as Azriel’s hands gripped at the small of your back, pushing you further onto the arm of the couch. You gripped the couch cushions beneath you with tightly curled fits, leveraging your hips higher to meet every thrust.

A prickling heat spread through your body, collecting at the palms of your hand as you gripped onto the couch below you. 

“Prove it,” you managed to whine out— a challenge, an offer.

Azriel took it immediately. 

He pulled you back even more, moving your body so that your weight was leaning forward, stomach pressed against the arm rest, toes barely touching the ground as as he rammed into you at the new angle.

Azriel couldn’t explain the hunger he was feeling now, the deep-seated pleasure he was experiencing as he fucked you, watching as you writhed underneath him, watching how your ass bounced with every thrust. It wasn’t like this with any other female he’d bedded. This, you beneath him, was addicting. Every indecipherable sound you let out was intoxicating, the sound of your whimpers, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh. It made him want to test every limit he’d ever set for himself, push every boundary he knew he shouldn’t. But as you moaned for him, as you met him at every jerk of his hips, Azriel couldn’t think of a better way to continue his life. 

“Thats it, princess,” Azriel murmured, “Fuck yourself on my cock.”

It was obscene, truly, the creak of the floorboards under the weight of the couch, the wet sounds of your bodies slapping together, your moans, his harsh breathing. You threw yourself back into every thrust, legs now aching as they remained spread apart, tied by his cool shadows at the base of your ankles. Pleasure laced and bloomed inside of you, radiating down from your fingers to your toes— an electric pressure building to a peak.

Azriel’s mouth salivated as he drank it all in: the sound of his balls against your ass, your breathy moans, the sensation of your wet heat wrapped around him. The room echoed back the sounds of your pleasure in an erotic melody that left you both embarrassed and breathless. He gave your ass a rough smack, a shiver running through his body as he observed the reddening print of his palm on your skin.

“Dirty, dirty, girl.”

You could feel his cock swelling inside you, could feel his hot palms gripping your skin— there would be bruising, you were sure of it, marks of his hands in such unholy, dangerous placements.

You let out a breath, attempting to brace yourself on your forearms as you turned your cheek to your shoulder, just enough to see him moving behind you, just enough for you to murmur, “I think you love it.”

The words seemed to sir Azriel even further and he  increased his pace, thrusts becoming even rougher, sloppier—  more urgent. Your body responded to his movements, cunt massaging him, clenching around him, making him groan instinctively in response.

His breaths were ragged as he bucked into you roughly, a string of curses falling from his lips. With one final snap, you felt the tension within you reach a peak, cunt clenching around him as your orgasm rolled through you, white-hot and dizzying. 

A shiver of pleasure shot from Azriel’s stomach to his cock — with a rough jerk, he emptied against inside you, an animalistic groan filling the room as he came, face contorted with pleasure. You felt the warmth of his seed fill you, felt it leaking as Azriel slowly pulled out.

You slumped over the armrest of the couch, body still tingling from the intensity of your orgasm. 

Azriel’s eyes were fixed on you, his cock still twitching with the aftershocks of his release. He watched his seed drip from your glistening folds. He fought a primal urge to stroke a finger along your folds, to curl them in your cunt again and push his seed even further--- to claim you in a way that would ensure you could never forget the pleasure he had given you yet again.

Slowly, his haze of euphoria slowly faded, his body now relaxed, the tension melting away as his shadows loosened their hold around you. He looked up, watching as you pushed yourself up from the couch, watching as your dress fell back into place as you turned to face him.

A wicked grin spread across your lips, sinful and enticing.

“Now isn’t that a lot more fun than just killing me?”

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

←Part Two Part Four🡢

A/N:

and so we begin the fun lil enemies with benefits and forced proximity tropes… we love when 2 heavily traumatized people bond over torture <3

also confession time guys…writing the words whore or slut make me 😟 but in this case lil az using it as a means of trying to be in control… just imagine how he’s gonna feel later when he’s realizing how shitty it was and how he actually respects you omffff

TAGLISTS

permanent tag list 🫶🏻: @rhysandorian @itsswritten @milswrites @lilah-asteria @georgiadixon @glam-targaryen

malice series tag list: @going-through-shit @sidthedollface2 @justasillylittlegoofyguy @mal-adaptive-dreams @alainabooks143 @mybestfriendmademe @sfhsgrad-blog @marina468 @wonderwomanlovesyou @the-darkestminds @circe143 @starsandsins @acourtofdreamsandshadows @ysmtttty @mendes-bae

@breadsticks2004 @tothestarsandwhateverend @kamastar39 @previousloversandmuses @judig92 @romanoffslegacy @sweetcarolina-24 @harryskissies @glitterypirateduck @justyouraveragekleemain @midnightnotice @teenagellamaangel @thesillyyogourt @reiincarnatiion @stinkinstuffie @formulahockey @pruvii @marina468 @nickishadow139

@cherry-cin @quinzzelx @sadiechar @glam-targaryen @moosemahboi @inloveallthetime

azriel tag list: @thisiskaylin

if your username is crossed out it means i was having issues with tagging you so hopefully it works 🫶🏻

[lordsukunas]

never make him love me

tldr: you’re determined to confess to teen!gojo, but your chances of success are literally 0.

cw: angst/no comfort... sorry? reader is a bit very delusional n kinda weird, gojo may be a bit ooc, no curse au, gender neutral (i think) but reader is wearing a skirt, and im p sure this is not very accurate to the actual japanese school system. not beta read btw

a/n: this has been in my drafts for too long... whoops! trying a different divider but i don’t rlly like it. also does reader count as a girl/boyfailure here or not? they kinda strange tbh :/ idk lol, hope yall enjoy getting rejected by gojo n can yall guess who hes already in love w

you’re in love with gojo satoru.

which, to be fair, a lot of people are. he’s a pretty face: soft, snow-white hair with bright cerulean eyes that draws anyone and everyone in. a big, gorgeous smile, and long, muscular limbs that you just know would feel so good wrapped around you.

plenty of people have confessed to him, and all of them have been rejected. that should be enough to put you off, to make you face the reality that gojo may not be madly in love with you, but it just makes you more determined. he’s just rejecting everyone else because he’s waiting for you!

that has to be it, right?

definitely, you think as you skip to gojo’s classroom. you can feel the weird stares from students (and even a teacher or two), but they don’t matter. you’re going to confess to gojo satoru, damn it, and nothing’s getting in the way.

it’s lunch period, thankfully, which means he’ll be with geto and ieiri. that’s good — his best friends will be there to watch him declare his reciprocated love for you.

you slide the door open, love letter and two packs of kasugai gummies in one hand. a few students in the room glance up at you, including gojo!

the two of you lock eyes — well, you think you do. it’s a bit difficult to tell, but his head is facing your direction, so he’s totally looking at you. he’s noticing you!!!

you bite your lip to stifle the giggle bubbling up in your chest and walk up to the perfect trio (hopefully, soon to be quadruple). “hi, gojo,” you say, a nervous yet giddy smile on your face.

“... hey?” he exchanges looks with geto before focusing back on you. “do i know you?”

okay, ouch. you literally sat behind him in chemistry, but, whatever. don’t focus on the little things!

“um, probably not, but!” you hold out the envelope with a heart sticker as the seal. “i have something to tell you.”

“uh... okay.” gojo scratches the back of his neck, then takes the letter. he slides his finger under the seal, tearing it open, and pulls the letter out. he unfolds it, and both geto and ieiri lean in to also read it.

a frown tugs at the corners of your lips. the words were meant for just gojo, not those two. although... does it really matter? you’re just proving that you’re a good fit for their best friend.

after a drawn out moment of silence, gojo chuckles, albeit awkwardly. “wow, uh... this is a lot.”

you nod. “yeah!” you also hand him the packs of gummies, which he takes a bit more eagerly than the letter and sets them on his desk. “so, um...”

your heart has been hammering in your chest this entire time, but now it feels like it’s trying to escape. sweat accumulates on your palms, and you resist the urge to wipe them on your skirt.

this is the big moment.

you hope and pray and plead to whatever being that’s out there for gojo to accept and reciprocate your feelings. with all the manifesting and ‘love spells’ you’ve done, it should work. gojo satoru is most definitely in love with–

“this is nice, but, uh, i’m not interested.”

...

what?

you blink down at him, and now you’re the one chuckling nervously. “i’m sorry?”

maybe you misheard. that had to be it, right? there’s no way he isn’t in love with you. you bought him gummies, you wrote him a letter, you spent countless hours researching and trying different manifestation methods, you prayed at the shrine, you learned his schedule so that you could pass by him on the way to class, you did everything for him.

he scratches the back of his neck again before refolding the letter and putting it back into the envelope. “i’m not really interested in a relationship right now. you’re probably really cool and stuff, so don’t take it personally.”

no, no, no, no. this isn't how this was supposed to go! he was supposed to say yes! what happened? what did you do wrong?

now you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of his friends. his best friends. how are you supposed to come back from this? thank god no one else in the room is paying attention right now.

heat creeps up the back of your neck and spreads to your face. sweat is drenching your palms, blood is roaring in your ears, and you really want to melt into the ground never to be seen again. you’re pretty sure your heart just shattered into a trillion pieces and a shard pierced your lungs, because you cannot breathe.

you then feel a hand on your forearm, and you jolt. it’s ieiri. “hey, are you–”

“i’m fine!” you blurt, and a few heads turn in your direction. you take the envelope back from gojo, spin on your heel, and rush out of the classroom.

damn it.

you’re pushing past people to get to the restroom, and you slam the stall door shut before locking it.

you’re so stupid. how could the gojo satoru be in love with you?

the tears finally spill from your eyes, running down your cheeks, and you let your face fall into your hands as you sob.

idiot, idiot, idiot.

you should’ve known you wouldn’t be any different. he wasn’t waiting for you. he’ll never be waiting for you. you never had a chance, and in your defense, no one did.

gojo’s heart has already been claimed by someone else, and if you were a little smarter, you’d know exactly who it is.

[issuesntissues]

watching a movie with 141—

Price

he’s a suspense/thriller type of guy, but also likes a good drama

despises romcoms and musicals (says they suck out the realism)

likes popcorn but doesn’t eat much of it

prone to falling asleep (he just gets really comfy)[typical peepaw behavior]

will glance at you to watch your reactions (and he’ll remember them too)

Gaz

Loves a good action flick but down for romance too

Definitely puts an arm around you regardless of what you’re watching 😳

Might skip on popcorn but he’ll always get some sort of candy

Will commentate on some things that you might not notice 👀

definitely the best person to watch a movie with out of the team tbh 😭

Soap

Loves action and comedy, anything loud with explosions & corny jokes

Horror movies make him uneasy, and he gets mad when the jump scares get him 😭

This mf loves popcorn he’s a never ending muncher, and you bet it’s getting stuck in the couch too

Will literally talk at the characters while watching, talk about how he’d feel if he was in whatever situation, make snide comments, just non stop yammering

Doesn’t fall asleep, but if he’s bored he’ll eat or get handsy 💀

Ghost

this mf loves his documentaries (nature ones are his favorite), and he loves horror movies (for obvious reasons 👀)

the quietest when it comes to movies, but he’ll let out a chuckle now and then

prefers other snacks than popcorn

if you’re really skittish during a horror movie he’ll put an arm around you (he’ll tease you about it later though)

Hates watching movies with Soap sober, but after a few drinks he can get just as loud and obnoxious as him 💀

!!BONUS!!

Konig

loves horror movies but he definitely watches sci fi and animated movies too

if he wants a horror movie, he’s getting one, no exceptions—

and if you’re begging him to turn it off bc it’s too much…he’ll make you beg for other things afterwards 💀

he loves popcorn! he always offers you some too 🫶

if he falls asleep, he’s a rock. don’t even bother trying to wake him up 😭

Keegan

loves crime and thrillers, but thinks sci-fi is cool too

quieter than ghost really 😳 he smiles at jokes

munches popcorn, finger licking the butter is his guilty pleasure

if he falls asleep you’ll never notice because he’ll stay sitting in the same position 💀

i think he’s more of an audiobook person overall tbh

Laswell

if she’s present, then the team will be watching a romcom (cue peepaw groan)

gets popcorn but she’ll have dinner and a few drinks too

her and gaz are besties during this time 👀 they get along the best

she’ll tolerate Soaps nonsense but if he starts getting too rowdy she’ll kick him out 💀

honestly has the best movie recs with epic female leads 💕

Graves

this man lives and breathes military, western, and action movies *cough* top gun mav

popcorn is a must, always gets the biggest size

gets up multiple times for random shite 🙄

bro will whoop and cheer during high intensity moments 😭

claps at the end, and will want to binge the next right after

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Please do the gang+Tim and curly with like a waitress (p.s I love your writing)

Omllll thank you so much! 😭🫶And yessssssssssssss I’d love to do that for you pookie!

The Gang + Shepard boys x F!Waitress reader (you can insert waiter/they to make it gn!)

Ponyboy Curtis

-hot damn

-you’re a fine waitress if he ever saw one

-he’s kinda shy tbh

-over time will get more comfortable flirting with you

-he overtips you with what little money he has

-he finds out when all your shifts are and when they end

-and always seems to come “by coincidence” whenever your shifts are

-he starts learning small things about you, asking about you to your co workers so much that literally everyone knows he likes you

-except for you, apparently

-“Well if it isn’t my favorite waitress, y/n.” Is what he always greets you with

-one day he finally asks you out

-you guys are so cute together

Johnny Cade

-he’s even more shy than pony

-he looks at you and is like internally going crazy

-when you ask him for his order he says it so quietly you need to ask him to repeat several times

-and he gets red in the face, and you patiently wait with your notepad and a smile

-“It’s ok sir, please, take your time.”

-he finally says his order loud enough for you to hear and you smile, writing on your sketchpad

-over a few weeks, he comes to the restaurant more

-and you eventually ask him out, writing down the question on your notepad, ripping it out and giving it to him

-Reading: Johnny, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?

-whenever you get back he has the biggest grin on his face, and is nodding yes eagerly

-what takes you by surprise is when he stands up, grabs your waist, and kisses you in front of everyone in the restaurant

-earning a few cheers and whoops

Sodapop Curtis

-he gets being in the service industry

-and he especially gets being attractive in the service industry

-which is why he tries not to immediately hit on you

-tries

-he’s definitely the type to call you “sweetheart”

-does subtle things like winking at you whenever you take his order

-he starts coming to that restaurant far more often and notices when you start coming to his gas station more often

-doing the same things to him, calling him sweetheart and winking whenever you check out

-it’s a mutual thing, a flirty joke between the two of you

-but one day, he decides to ask you out, and it becomes less than a joke

-you two start dating and are very cute together

-you both rant about customers being rude and kind of mutually understand the power dynamic in a way not many people do

Darry Curtis

-he’s out in the resturant with Sodapop and Ponyboy

-when he sees youre the waiter he instantly feels embarrassed of ponyboy and soda

-“You guys… stop actin’ like damn fools!”

-“Darry, why? You never act like this at restaurants.” Pony would ask

-“Just…. Stop. There’s someone I want to look good in front of.”

-“OoOoOOh someone has a crushhhhhhh.” Sodapop would tease

-as you walked over to the table, Darry was arguing with them

-“Can I help you?” You spoke up with a giggle

-Darry is red in the face as he orders for everyone

Dallas Winston

-bro

-you saw how this man treats waitresses

-he would give you no respect lol

-absolutely takes advantage of the power dynamic because he would be one of those assholes

-he calls you “sweetheart” “sweetie” “princess” and other more vulgar names

-he very obviously checks you out to even the point where your oblivious ass notices

-he probably shoots straws at you (like that one deleted scene)

-to tease flirt

-he always comes to the restaurant and it’s like ooop Dallas Winston’s coming I need coffeee this morning

-he comes to you outside of the restaurant one day

-the usual harassment

-and you turn to him and give him a nice hard slap

-and then lean up and give give a nice hard kiss

-he’s shocked, but before long blinks twice and then smirks, kissing you back

-he’s protective over you and any other guy who even winks at you at the restaurant will have Dally on their doorstep the next day

Two Bit Mathews

-he definitely tease flirts with you

-also calls you his favorite waitress like pony

-orders the most childish shit 💀

-like chocolate cake with chicken nuggies or something like that

-and he probably asks you out the soonest

-flirts with you, not as aggressive or vulgar as dally but still quite obvious

-“That’s the pretty lady who gives me discounts on Dino nuggets!” When talking about you to the gang

-you guys are cute and have inside jokes about Dino nuggies

Steve Randle

-he knows you from whenever you’ve come to get your car fixed before

-he’s always believed that you were pretty and given you discounts 

-and you do the same thing for him at your restaurant

-it’s a mutual kind of cute thing that you guys both do to each other

-even if he hadn’t already been giving you discounts for cars, you would’ve probably given him a restaurant discount too

-You are probably friends for the longest out of the gang

-one day he’s talking to soda pop about you, which is when soda pop realizes how down bad he is for you

-Sodapop makes him ask you out 

-you guys are really cute together and always do favors for each other 

Tim Shepard

-he got a booth at your restaurant

-he saw you and immediately thought you were cute 

- he acts kind of neutral around you, I mean, he still obviously flirts a bit and checks you out

- but not enough that you think you’re he’s going to do what he does 

-what he does is wait until your shift is done and meet you outside the restaurant

-and starts heavily, flirting, offering you a cigarette

-when you explain that you don’t smoke and start walking home, he follows you

-you turned to him in anger because you don’t like that he’s following you home and he surprisingly listens to you

-but he does show up the next day at your restaurant

-Eventually, he ask you out

-you say yes and every night after your shift, he walks home with you to make sure you get there safely

-and even comes back to your apartment with you sometimes 😏😏😏

Curly Shapard

-this little shit is just as obnoxious as Dally

-he checks you out very obviously

-also absolutely takes advantage of the power dynamic

-he annoys you put you put up with him because well

-he tips you pretty well

-he keeps coming at the same time and day and eventually he gets onto the usual customer chart

-where you can say “The regular?”

-and one day there’s a male costumer being particularly sleazy

-trying to grab you

-and Curly punches him hard “You don’t touch her again, asswipe.” And spits on him

-you chuckle and grin at him “Take it outside, Curly.”

-and he comes back in and this time, you ask him out

-he’s pretty protective once you two are dating and everyone’s astonished to how he pulled you

[chilling-seavey]

hi emily!! hope you’re doing well recently! i came into your inbox for some tips and advice actually, because you’re the perfect person i could think of for this lol.

i have a few george blurbs coming up for my kinktober, and i’ve admittedly never written for him before! i was wondering if the #1 george writer herself had any tips or pointers for writing him, how he acts ect 😌

thank you in advance!! 🫶

Oh my goodness gracious catch me twirling my hair giggling right now 🤭

I was literally just stalking your kinktober list and literally let out a little squeal at the fact there are George things in the works omgomg we love the GR exposure! So excited!!

In all honesty, the best tip I can give you, is watch interviews and videos! Don't listen to what he says as much as how he says it; how he says it with his mouth, with his hands, the movement of his eyes, his head. I've noticed he's really into eye contact. Even in interviews he'll just stare almost unblinking at the person talking and then generally look away when he starts to answer/is in thought (most often he looks to his left? See here. I'm not creepy, I swear). Recently I've noticed if he's surprised, he'll repeat what the person said in a bit of a higher tone (see here or here). Did I mention eye contact? Eye contact.

OH and he has very pronounced and expressive eyebrows. Eyebrow furrow is a must in situations that warrants it in writing him. Confusion, concern, focus - could be a good one. Little tongue between the lips in concentration, eyebrows furrowed in focus... ahem. Again, you can kind of extrapolate this information if you watch some interviews on mute and just watch his expressions. That's my best suggestion for body language and subtle actions that can really make his character.

I'm no professional at British terminology/dialects (I'm far too Canadian for that) so I kind of just wing it based on what I gather from videos of him talking. I often try to make his dialogue a bitttt more formal sounding because he seems to really enunciate sometimes which is better expressed in writing through the odd removal of a contraction (don't vs do not) but only very, very sparingly because he's also not from the 19th century LOL.

I know he has silly sayings sometimes which I use only once or twice in a piece of writing, often as a fleeting insight into his persona or as comedic relief just for the reader but definitely not too often and not as the focus (and tbh I just wrote him unironically saying "it's raining cats and dogs out there" in my current WIP which feels so on point for him imo lmao idioms are good ones).

I also see him very polite in public, watching his words, his swearing to a minimum if at all - but then in private I think he can swear like a fucking sailor but would never let the world know that of course. Take that as you will in regards to smut writing ahem.

And for smut more specifically, I definitely see him leaning into that auditory side, really into that low, rolling, husky dirty talk. Lots of sweet pet names, very soft dom if you're going dom (I'm very exited to see which way you take the body worship one-). As a reference, I think my best George smut for dirty talk etc. (based on my own bias as well as reader feedback) is this one. I don't really see him into hard kinks and things but sometimes that's fun to explore too so all the power to you if that's in your plan!! We put the fiction in fanfiction after all [and once I get an answer out of IRL him on where he stands on the BDSM scale, I'll get back to you. I mean what-]

I feel like I have so much more I could add but this was all off the top of my head...and took thirty minutes whoops...if I think of more, I'll add it to this ask LOL

[silverskye13]

I'm wondering what kind of thought process you have for choosing which character get which brackets for their thinking? cause I think the ones you chose fit rly well, especially the {} for wels and [] for helsknight, for some reason they feel very correct

Mostly just vibes, tbh!

Tanguish got (parenthesis) because it's what is grammatically correct [you probably notice I put my personal thoughts in brackets. It was really hard to break that while writing the fic, and if I go awhile between chapters, I will fall back into bad habits and put all thoughts in brackets again, whoops.] His inner thoughts in parenthesis are primarily observations tied to his emotions. He doesn't really think thoughts, he feels thoughts.

Examples:

(The hermits never know what they’re doing, but this isn’t something Tanguish knows. Sometimes he wonders about it, but he hasn’t quite figured it out yet.)

(But he wasn't lying, and he wasn’t a knight, and this shouldn’t matter, it really shouldn’t.)

When I decided I wanted to have other POVs in the fic, I kind of had to case what parenthesis I had left at my disposal. Unless I wanna get silly with it, for the most part, all that's remaining is [], {}, <>, ||, and maybe /\ if I wanna play around a little.

Helsknight has very rigid and straightforward inner thoughts. I wanted to keep most of his internal monologue to tactical information.

Examples:

[Enchanted netherite, because of course it was. He could recognize enough of the symbols to know it was an efficient workman's tool, but sharpness felled people just as well as trees.]

[Control the situation. Put distance between Tanguish and the danger. Keep the Demon busy long enough for escape.]

For that, the brackets make the most sense. He's thinking rigid truths and commands. It also feels close to his personality? I guess? A bit hard to explain, but to me, every action he takes is framed in something. He has rigid codes that he measures himself by, like he's constantly bookend-ed. He breaks those bookends when he's angry, and it's a physical wall that brings him pain when he breaks it. He needs [solid, rigid] visuals for that bookend-ing. Brackets were best.

Welsknight then, I wanted to be visually similar to Helsknight, in which case {} would work well, and their distinctive shapes made me think of something,,, I dunno,,, fancier is a bad word. But the curly brackets are a little needlessly complicated. That complication has a use in coding, but on a standard keyboard, for writing purposes, its unnecessary. I like what it implies about how everything with Wels in the story is gilded, covered in unnatural perfection and holiness. Wels's [mostly unseen] issues in the fic are that he has a problem with ideals. Helsknight is the gritty, grimdark reality of what being a perfect knight is, with all its internal battling for perfection, and all its self-sacrificial, borderline suicidal heroism. Welsknight, however, is the projected ideal of what a knight should be, the glitz, glamour and chivalry. He is light that is blinding, but ultimately harmful, ungrounded. His is the idea of a crusade, not because it is right or just, but because thats what knights are supposed to do, and this is the nearest evil to hand. Something superfluously curly works nicely for his thoughts.

Tango gets the <> for his thoughts, both because I like how pointed and analytical it is [carrots are used for coding and tags in html], how well it meshes with him as a game developer and programmer, and also because it looks a lot like his problem of lancing through things. He is a little spear of a guy. He sees a thing he wants -- or wants to avoid -- and he leaps for it. He ignores Tanguish's warnings, because they're uncomfortable, and there is a different reality he would rather deal with right now, thank you. Sharp little thoughts for Tango.

[Jazzhands!] So, yeah!

[ftm-radio]

My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

[spoonsock]

Show me love pt.1

Part 2

Gwen Stacy x fem! Reader

No Spider-woman AU!!

This is basically a retelling of the movie “Show me love (1998)” or “Fucking Åmål (1998)”, I just switched the characters but the plot is practically the same. I only kept Jessica’s name from the movie, I gave the rest of the characters other names. I definitely recommend watching the movie! I also recommend reading the synopsis for it before reading this but it’s not necessary to watch the movie to read this.

This is all soooo chaotic but tbh the whole movie is chaotic so don’t blame me if you simply don’t understand some parts because honestly neither do I🤷‍♀️

Considering that this will only cover up like the first part of the movie, I’ll write a part two and possibly a part three, but only if this gets some attention, which I doubt cuz it’s awfully written but still please lmk if you want me to write the rest 😭🙏

Synopsis: After the death of her best friend, Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy doesn’t do friends. She’s sad and a loner, the quiet, weird girl who sits alone at lunch. But she’s also secretly in love with the popular, beautiful and upbeat Y/N, who yearns for an interesting life.

Warnings: homophobia, underage drinking, mentions of (underage) drug use, has some angsty parts, OOC Gwen, reader and the rest of the characters do not really know how lesbianism works, all the characters are dumb little teenagers don’t expect much maturity in this, not proofread whoops, also wrote this when I was sleep deprived so I guess most of it doesn’t make sense

“Happy birthday to youuuu! Happy birthday to youuu!”

Those were the first words she heard when she woke up. Groaning, she opened up her eyes and sat up straight, smiling at the sight of her dad holding a delicious looking cake in front of her.

“Happy birthday dear Gwen, happy birthday to you”, he sang as she grinned up at him and blew the candles on the cake. “Thanks dad”

He sat down next to her when she noticed he was holding some papers in his hands, aside from the cake. “What’s that?” Gwen asked as he handed her the papers. Birthday invitations. Her smile turned into a frown as she gave him a disapproving look.

“Dad-“ “Before you say anything, please, just consider”, he interrupted her, already knowing what she was going to say. He knew she wasn’t the most social person, especially after the death of her friend, her best friend, Peter Parker. He knew she didn’t have anyone aside from him. Not even the girls from the band she used to be in, before she gave up on that too. But then she lost him, and he saw her whole world fall apart. He watched her lose interest in everything that used to make her happy. He watched her lose her spark. And it pained him so much. But he hoped that maybe, all she needs is a little push. She can’t be alone her whole life. So, a party, he thought, couldn’t be a bad idea.

She looked at him, then down at the invitations, and then back to him. “Dad, I don’t have who to give them to”.

“Honey, you have to find some friends. I know it’s hard after Peter’s de-“ Gwen tensed up at the mention of his name and suddenly moved around on her bed to get up, making the cake almost fall down and smudge everywhere. “Fine, I’ll give them out!”, she rolled her eyes before getting up to get ready for school. “Gwen, you don’t have t-“, he was interrupted once again by the aggressive slamming of the door. The cop sighed sadly.

———————————————

To say that you never had the best relationship with your sister would be an understatement. Sometimes, even the smallest, pettiest things she did would absolutely infuriate you. Today on the repertoire of shit she did that pissed you off was taking the last of the chocolate milk.

“I HATE YOU” you screamed as you poured the containing of her cup right onto her head. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!” She yelled as she grabbed on your hair and threw you on the floor. You kicked and trashed around as your poor mother came in asking what what the hell is happening. “YOU CAN ASK Y/N”, said your sister, Jessica, as she ran out of the kitchen.

“I don’t understand, I am so tired of this! I’ve been working all night!” Your mother said, as you looked down in shame. “Sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you up”

She sighed, “What was it this time?”

“She took the last of the chocolate milk” you answered quietly, feeling guilty. “She took the last of the chocolate milk?” She repeated, disbelief in her voice. You nodded and started swiping the spilled milk off of the floor with a piece of paper with your foot.

You got ready and exited the house, about to make your way to school, when you saw a guy with a moped who you recognized as Jonah.

“Hi”, he said. “Hi, you live here?”. “No, just had to do something here. You want a ride? You can take the helmet” he offered but you rejected, claiming you’ll walk and hoping he’ll leave you alone.

“You coming to Christian’s tonight?”. “Maybe”, you replied while still heading off. You heard him mumble something but ignored it.

—————————————————

Taking out the stuff from her locker, Gwen saw a classmate she acquainted sometimes. She remembered the party invitations before deciding, fuck it, she’ll try. So she went up to the girl in the wheelchair, who’s name was Marie, and gave her the invitation. “Here”, she said, “I’m having a party apparently”. Thanks” replied the girl.

“You? Having a party?”, asked one of the mean, popular girls, who’s name Gwen didn’t know and frankly didn’t want to know. “No”, she said quickly and tried to stop the girl from taking the invitation from Marie, but she wasn’t fast enough. The bitch took the card and started teasing Gwen, but she grabbed the invitation back and shooed her off. She was about to go back to her locker when she heard a certain voice. Your voice.

“Jessica, I’m so sorry, I’m such a fool. I promise to never spill chocolate milk on you”, you hugged your sister tightly and continued to apologize, feeling genuinely sorry. Gwen didn’t know what it was about you that made her like you. She wrote songs about you, she wrote about you in her diary, she dreamed of you and all that stupid shit. It made her so confused. You had a reputation of being with so many guys, it didn’t make sense to her as to why she was so attracted to you of all people. But it is what it is, and she continued to stare at you as you talked to your sister.

In class, she wrote your name over and over in her notebook, drawing stars and hearts around it, while you were bored to death in another classroom, not even attempting to listen to what the teacher was droning on about.

During lunch, you sat with your “friends” and talked about how you wanna go to a rave or something, complaining about how bored you are, unaware of the certain blonde staring at you, sitting a few tables away, next to Marie. “You are so boring!”, you exclaimed to no one in particular before laying your head on the table.

“We could go to Gwen’s party”, one of your associates, the very girl who teased Gwen just a few hours ago, mentioned. You knitted your eyebrows together in confusion. “Which Gwen?”

“Gwen, aren’t you having a party?”, the girl turned to Gwen and sneered at her, while she tried not to listen to the bitch.

“Everything is so boring! I hate my life!”, you cried out, ignoring whatever was happening around you.

“Gwen!”, the mean girl continued yelling at the blonde as she got up. “Gwen, we’ll come to the party!”. Gwen flipped her off and ran out of the cafeteria. You didn’t bother to raise your head even when the other girls from your table started yelling at the blonde.

——————————————

“Mum, it isn’t a rave, it’s just a normal party!”, Jessica tried explaining to your mother, who caught you both in the lift while you were half naked. To elaborate, you have no mirror in your house so to see what you look like you have to use the mirror in the escalator. You were getting ready to go to Christian’s, you took off your pants in the lift, looking at yourself in the mirror, waiting for Jessica, who you told to bring you your skirt, but she forgot, and as the two of you were arguing in the lift, the door of it opens and reveals your mother who sees you hiding behind your sister in a tank top and underwear and throws a tantrum, saying you can’t go out.

“You can stay here together and have fun, while I’m at work. I bought chips and soft drinks”

“Well done, Y/N. Welcome home”, your sister says sarcastically making you roll your eyes.

The moment your mother leaves you start rummaging through the medicine cabinet, complaining how you wanna do drugs. “None of those will do anything”, Jessica retorts making you pout and spit out the random pill you put in your mouth. “I’ll do something else then. I’ll fall in love”, “I thought you already were. With that Italian guy?”, “He wasn’t Italian. Maybe Bosnian. Whatever. I’m not in love with him”, you speak as you lay your head on your sisters lap when suddenly the phone rings. Jessica answers and says it’s the guy you saw this morning, Jonah. “He wants to know if you’re coming to Christian’s. He’s in love with you.” You make a sour face. “Ugh!” You groan. “What? I thought you wanted to fall in love?”, “Not with Jonah Hult! There’s no way I’m going to Christian’s now. I’d rather go to Gwen’s”

Your sister turns to you with wide eyes, “To Gwen’s? Are you braindead or what?” You throw a hairbrush at her. “What if there’s nice guys there?”, “At Gwen’s?”, your sister asks again. “Might be! Please!!” You give her your best puppy eyes and she looks at you before tsking “Fine, fine”. You squeal in happiness and kiss her cheeks.

—————————————

Gwen and her dad sit in their living room in an awkward silence.

“No one’s coming dad, let’s just eat”. “Have some patience Gwen”, he tries lightening her up. Soon enough the doorbell rings and it’s Gwen’s classmate, Marie. Chief Stacy helps her with her wheelchair and they all sit together in the living room. Gwen opens up the present Marie got her, a bottle of perfume, before saying how she can’t accept it. Something snaps inside her before she yells at Marie, calling her a crippled idiot and saying how she never even wanted to be her friend, while her dad tries to stop her. Marie goes home and Gwen storms to her room. Her dad tries to comfort her while she cries and yells at him, about how she has no friends, about Peter’s death, about something being wrong with her, about wanting to die. She lays there as chief rubs her back not knowing what to do or to say, then finally proposing to go eat the special dinner he prepared for her party when she calms down.

They eat peacefully until the doorbell rings again and Gwen shakes her head, telling her dad to not let in whoever’s there. He tells her to put away the dishes while he tells off the people who came. Gwen does as told then goes to the bathroom to wash her face. Her eyes are puffy and red from crying and she looks like a mess. She hasn’t looked this bas since Peter’s death.

————————————————

You ring the doorbell a couple of times. No one answers and Jessica urges you to leave it, until the door opens and, the person you suppose is Gwen’s father, let’s you in. He gives you some wine and tells you to wait in Gwen’s room so you go up there. You fill up your two glasses with wine and clink them together while looking around the room. It’s filled with posters on the walls, there are many cds and books on the bookshelf, and there is a drum kit in the very middle of it all.

“What party is this? Are we the only ones?”, your sister asks you and you shrug. “Why complain, Jess? We’ve got wine and everything”, you smile at her. “Yes but like…….Okay, we’ll drink the wine and leave”, “Deal”, you say as you continue to sip on it happily.

Unbeknownst to you, Gwen gets out of the bathroom to see her dad sitting on the couch, watching the TV. “Wasn’t someone there?”, she asks. “Yes, but they weren’t hungry so I gave them some wine and sent them to your room”. Confusion arises in her “And who was it?”. “Y/N and Jessica”. At the mention of your name, panic wakes in Gwen.

Meanwhile, in her room, you see some notebooks sprawled across her work table so you rummage a bit through them, but one of them falls down and opens on the floor, giving you access to what’s inside and the contents of it do surprise you. Inside of it are written poems and you can tell they’re beautiful even though you don’t get to read them fully because you suddenly hear the door knob shuffling. But whoever is trying to enter is unable. “What the-, open the door!”, you hear from the outside.

“Did you lock the goddamn door?”, you turn to Jessica but she just gives you a look and starts giggling. She runs to the door, “I’m just ummmm….I’m just-I’m just changing!”, she tells Gwen on the other side and you accidentally let out a loud chuckle. “You’ve got a skirt on!”, you whisper-yell at her while still trying not to laugh. Gwen sighs and leans on the door, waiting for you to finish changing, apparently.

“Have you heard she’s a lesbian?”, Jessica asks you. “What! Really?”, you reply and your sister makes gagging noises saying how that’s gross.

The wine made you a little tipsy and you don’t think it through before you start speaking to the door.

“Gwen, is it true that you-“, Jessica quickly covers your mouth while giggling her ass of with you.

“Aren’t you done yet?”, comes from the other side of the door and Jessica tells her you guys will be finished in a second.

“I think it’s cool”, you say and receive a blank stare from your sister. “Cool? Are you serious?”, “Yeah. I’m gonna be one too when I grow up”. “Come on”, your sister tsks at you.

“Open up now!”, Gwen yells and you turn to Jessica. “Let her in, she’s nice”

“If she’s so nice, go out and neck her then, Y/N”, she challenges you and you chuckle.

“Okay. And what do I get if I do?”, “If you do what?”, “If I neck her.”, “You’ll get AIDS probably”, your sister says matter of factly.

“If I kiss her, will you give me 100 bucks?”, she laughs and your request and offers 20 bucks, to which you agree and tell her she’ll have to leave.

“You won’t dare to do it, though”, she sneers and you whisper bet to her as you unlock the door and let the blonde in and your sister out. She doesn’t even acknowledge Gwen as she leaves the two of you alone in the room.

“Hi”, you tell her and she says hi back while picking up the notebook from the floor and putting it away. She leans on her worktable and avoids eye contact with you while you intently stare at her. The wine made your vision just a tad bit blurry, but even through clouded eyes you still admire the blonde’s beauty.

“Why can’t you sit over here?”, you ask referring to her bed on which you are sitting. “Why, what for?”, she asks back with suspicion laced in her voice. “There’s something I wanna tell you”, you answer knowing damn well you ain’t got nothing to say, you just want the 20 bucks.

“Can’t you just say it?”, she crosses her arms and you look around, catching Jessica’s eyes. She’s in front of the room watching you through the crack of the slightly opened door. You try not to smile when you see her and put a fake pout on your face. “I-I just don’t want Jessica to hear it”, you fake out a stutter, inwardly laughing at how stupid you sound.

She looks at you for a second before mumbling a fine and sitting next to you. “It’s just that”, you move closer to her. “You’re so pretty”, her eyes widen slightly when you say that but before she can react, you grab her face and kiss her passionately. She finally starts returning the kiss as the butterflies erupt in her stomach but you accidentally catch Jessica’s stare again and suddenly break contact with Gwen and run out of the room. Your sister grabs your hand, “Jesus, Y/N, you’re insane! That’s is so disgusting!”, she laughs as you two leave the house and run as far as you can, leaving Gwen in her room to process what just happened.

You kissed her. Y/N kisses her. But then you ran away. Your laughter and Jessica’s words suddenly echo in her mind. “That is so disgusting!” All the butterflies disappear from her tummy and that awful feeling in settles in her gut. She feels…humiliated. She guesses you probably ran of to all of your stupid bitch friends to tell them how you kissed Gwen and how stupid she probably looked.

Tears appeared in her eyes. She wanted to scream and to yell and to beat you the fuck up for making a fool out of her. But you were God knows where laughing and making fun of her. Gwen laid down on her bed and let out all of her tears, as if she hasn’t cried enough already tonight. This was the worst birthday ever.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT A PART TWO CUZ I AIN’T WRITING THAT FOR NO ONE!

I’m impulsively posting this and I’ll regret it in the morning.

[sunsetandthemoon]

saw in your tags you mentioned earthmix were in a serious fight while filming moonlight chicken? what's the story there? (ty in advance if you answer this and np if you don't :) )

Hii. Ok, so, while I do follow them on Instagram and Twitter, I never noticed anything until they talked about it during the MLC promo a few weeks ago, so I definitely don't know the full story, but here is a short summary of all the information that I’ve managed to gather from Twitter.

Apparently, there was a 4-5 month period last year where Earth and Mix were fighting (so-called their “divorce era”). It started with them going from constantly hanging out together to never interacting with each other anymore and fans quickly noticed something was up. Then this video from the MLC set was posted and it only further fueled all the speculations (it looks like a perfectly normal video to me tbh but to some, it looked like Mix was angry or like he was sulking 🤷)

They also had a few work events during that time and fans reported a noticeable tension between them. There was also a lot of subtweeting and indirecting on their social media including posts like this:

which is funny considering this is how they described each other in an interview once

("am I still your flower" is absolutely sending me 💀)

some more Mix retweets x/x

Earth even posted this on his insta story

and then, during the Oishi Magic Of Zero trip, they seemed to have finally gone back to their normal selves (x)

they even acknowledged the fight and said that they had made up and that everything was okay between them again (x/x)

and everyone was happy for them including P'Godji who posted this video (x)

Mix even posted this on his story

which may or may not have been a reference to this scene from ATOTS

then, during their interviews recently, they talked a bit more about their fight (x) (their poor manager 😭)

and P'Aof even teased them about it by saying "the hard part for me is, I wanna work with them when they aren’t fighting with each other" when EM were asked what were the easy/hard parts of working together on three different series (x)

speaking of P’Aof, I need to include this bit from MLC bts where he forgot Jim and Wen weren’t supposed to kiss each other during their sex scene in ep1 because it’s just so funny like dhfjhsdjkd

P‘Aof: *after watching them unnecessarily devour each other five takes in a row while knowing damn well they’re in the middle of their divorce era* “whoops my bad 🤭 please don’t kill me” 😂😂😂😂

(x)

anyway - TLDR - Moonlight Chicken was filmed during their divorce era and they were spending their days filming scenes like this

only to then go home and start subtweeting and shading each other online at the end of the day 😂

but they're making up for it now by being inseparable and constantly posting about each other. there are too many moments to link but here are some honorable mentions: x/x/x/x

including these posts from last night x/x

[the-nerds-in-black]

So Wiggly is a ginger, Blinky has buck teeth and Tinky has an over bite. I wonder if Pokey and Nibbly have their own physical quirks?

Nibbly has gap teeth, as well as a slight overbite! Though its way less noticable/extreme than Tinky's.

I've also been thinking about giving Pokey vitiligo as well! My newer non-nerds in black design of Pokey has vitiligo and I might transfer that idea over. Other than that, he does have a mole on his lower lip, which I have never drawn or wrote about, whoops!

Also, Wiggly is hypermobile (double jointed). He is like a worm, very flexible.

Cant really think of anything else interesting to note tbh.

[crowsyart]

Messy headcanon notes on transgender drow culture because that’s the things I think about

I was half awake trying to think of a good mushroom name for estrogen mushrooms and I came up with like widow’s cap or some gay shir like that because I was half asleep but also polymorph exists but I think within drow there’s less pressure to change your genital situation because gender is different and blah blah being a girl with a penis or a boy with a vagina is more advantageous for each particular gender as if you’re a girl with a penis suddenly you’re popular for better or worse because you’re able to reproduce with a cis woman and they wouldn’t have to deal with males, if you’re a man without a penis you don’t have to worry about jealous suitors castrating you for looking at another girl wrong

At a certain age I assume attendants help higher class women with applying or taking their estrogen, as trans women are seen to be blessed by lolth herself

The deal with trans men I’m not 100 percent sure but I was thinking something like while not super frowned upon it’s still you’re male now ew you must have no lusts for power your weakness will be the end of you type deal

“Oh good I don’t have to waste my poisons anymore since I have a son now”

“No one will try to assassinate my baby unless he tries courting the right girls”

“Oh of course my daughter is a son he never wanted the crown like his sisters did”-a supportive drow mother

Of course that’s not saying much, as some drow mothers don’t even notice whoops I had this many daughters and this many sons if they’re particularly bad

But might get angry to check in and whoops I have a son

Might have to castrate my husband for that little surprise

Also dnd lore is rough cause there’s so much stuff happening with older races that we don’t even know if drow males or drow females are the larger ones(I’m going with females being bigger I’m assuming a hyena situation tbh)

[princess-of-the-corner]

Glad you approved the text exchange for the Forged AU XD

Fair point regarding Andre. As it is ever since I noticed all the yikes undertones with Chloe beyond the inital neglect & "Be corrupt, its cool!" angles.

IE, even the 'best' interpretation is him using her more as a source of emotional validation that Audrey loves him and an accessory to trot out for photo ops rather than a person. While the worst are like, him seeing her impersonating his wife and avidly encouraging that because this is a symbolic version of his wife, but she actually needs and relies on him so he feels like a powerful provider and man.

So I'd not be able to write their relationship as merely him screwing up but meaning well, however that's just me XD

Also yeah Season 4/5, based on what I know, don't seem to contrast the idea he doesn't care, given the sort of trading the damaged daughter for a shiny new one angle I heard about.

As to the romance, it is understandable, if sad.

As said, I really like the vibe of Chloe/Juleka/Rose so its fun to see. But I get you.

I guess, "This person or these people are in a bad head space" is never really a reason for me not to write a ship, even if it would be a good reason in universe to for them to opt against it XD

Rose: Hey, my girlfriend and I have been noticing ever since you broke down and passed out in the river your vibe has been like, totally twisted up and unhinged.

Chloe (Amidst her third breakdown of the week -its only Tuesday- running on two hours sleep & questioning her sexuality now to!) Is that a problem?

Juleka: No! The opposite! We love your vibe and want to absorb you into relationship!

Whatever you do or don't, best of luck!

Oh yeah it's.

To each their own re: andre but I'm a soft bitch who likes salvagable situations.

Also on the ships: I'm not usually opposed to 'this person really is in a bad headspace and /shouldn't/ get into a romance but whoops it's happening!'. Because tbh humans are messy as fuck like that. But Forged is one of those few times where I think the character has too much going on to even sit and think about it.

[keibea]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Is everyone sick of learning random facts about me yet? Yes? Well, here we go again, cause I LOVE THEM. Thank you @vmsims23 , @nectar-cellar and @johziii for tagging me, you all know me too well.

Are you named after anyone? LOL nope, I honestly wish I was. Jessica was the only name my parents could agree on BAHHAHA.

When was the last time you cried? Monday 🙃I had a painful exam experience.

Do you have kids? Nope and thank goodness for that because I can barely take care of myself BAHAHHA.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Oh yeah, I'm terrible. Not as much as I used to I don't think though, but often WHOOPS.

What sports do you play/have you played? I was forced to play a lot for school, as I think most people were. The ones I can remember the most clearly are netball (I was let on the team out of necessity I think), bocce (because we could all get away with sitting around most of the time and occasionaly rolling the balls), zumba (it was mostly just dance which was SICK), and ballet (if that counts??) is the one I stuck with the longest and the only one I chose to wilingly do myself.

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? Hair or smile. I'm not quite sure. One of those I think.

Scary movies or happy endings? No scary movies for me, nope. I'm horribly paranoid, I will start checking my wardorbe. Happy endings ALL THE WAY. Genuinely I will only watch a movie and read a book if I know it has a happy ending idc YES IM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

Any special talents? Depends on what you define as a special talent. So I don't know if this counts, but I am weirdly a natural at baking??? Definitely not freestyle but if I follow a recipe (which I always do because I like doing things in order) it always turns out really well. So I guess that's just following a recipe, but I like to think I'm special and naturally talented at baking. My mum always finishes my baking off though because I get bored halfway through whoops and she genrally always helps me because I'm terrible with the oven so tbh maybe it's just mum that's talented.

Where were you born? AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE, OI, OI, OI 🦘

What are your hobbies? Sims, sims, also sims, reading about early Victorian fashion, reading about the Victorian era, reading and that's probably it.

Do you have any pets? I have a beautiful little cat named Mikey. He is my best cat friend (and tbh, best friend in general) and I love him very much.

How tall are you? My father says I'm very short, and calls me a worm (both said affectionately I should add), so I assume pretty short. In terms of numbers though, not a clue. I believe I'm average-ish height for a woman, maybe a bit shorter.

Fave subject in school? HISTORY ALL THE WAY. Mostly modern history, purely because I love the Victorian era, but I do enjoy ancient history as well.

Dream job? Fashion historian! That or an author of historical fiction OR a book on early Victorian women's fashion.

Eye colour? I like to call them swamp green, but my mum would disagree, so I'll say green.

I shall annoy @lazysunjade , @amuhav , @thesimperiuscurse (oh yes you bet I am @ ing people who are inactive and who also never do these things, I am 100% that sort of person), @akioakashiya , @itssimplythesims , @lifewithmysims , @elderwisp , @happy-lemon , @servospawn , @tau1tvec , @bunmou , @stinkrascal , @cozygirlsimmer , @moonsonnet , @doka-chan

Please forgive/ignore me if you hate doing this sort of thing, or if you've been tagged and done it already, and wow thank you all for being my mutuals I didn't know I had so many amazing people following me back LETS GOOOO

[siunytoons]

I SAW SOMEBODY DO THIS

so its like how ppl think they'd b aligned w fears as an avatar? girl idk I just wanna do it cuz boredemmm

Eye: ermm I dunno. I'm a little slow w observing stuff sometimes and I don't rlly care when people watch me. lwk indifferent to this one cuz I'm not that much of a curious person. so not that compatible I don't think! whoopsie daisies

spiral: hmmm. I'm like super sane. sometimes I'm disorganized sometimes I'm not, but that's not super relevant. I'm not afraid I'm going like, cray or anything. I'm just kinda there tbh. prolly not aligned!

The flesh: hrmm. maybe. like, I don't hate how I look, personally I think I'm pretty, but sometimes I wanna just reshape myself. but like, not obsessively. so also prolly not aligned

the lonely: honestly? yeah tbh. I've got friends and crap but I tend to be isolating myself. not like, on purpose or anything, but it just kinda happens. I gotta fight to actually be noticed occasionally and it TOTALLY sucks. maybe aligned!

the slaughter: nope. I'm the least violent person I know

hunt: also no. super spooked by being chased and chasing people. it makes me nervous and I don't think I'd be aligned well.

the stranger: hey queens! also not aligned. wow, I am on a nonaligned combo here. call me the average joe cuz I am powering through this! I never ever really felt like I wasn't quite human or a stranger to anyone. I'm like, friendly and nice and not super into blending into a crowd too much

web: err, no. maybe when I was like younger cuz like, I'd cry to get out of trouble. but what kid didn't do that. Im a control freak sometimes, but that was all kinda in the past tbh. I'm a way better person now and honestly Im proud. non aligned! (I hope)

dark: nope. sunlight's just better. sorry queens

end: girl if ur not afraid of dying I'm afraid of u sorry! (jk). Srsly though. DEF not aligned

desolation; NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. whoever finds it fun to destroy things that make others happy? U make me SICK. def not aligned. love siun!

corupptionnnn: wow I just realized I snatched the "the" outta the fears after a bit. whoops! anyway, Im kinda indifferent to sickness and bugs. like, bees are my OPP. but I know they're natural and I share the world with them so like, why let it control me y'know? as for diseases, its whatever. I mean, it totally sucks ot get them, but also natural. non aligned!

buried: EW. DISGUSTING. NO. I absolutely HATE confined spaces. If I was ever an avatar of this I would DIE.

the vast: actually, maybe. this is the one I kinda lean towards mostly cuz like I'm always kinda head in the clouds lost in the sauce and all that jazz. I need an intervention for my constant spacing out. so like, probably my top one as of now. Plys, oceans and skies are kinda cool tbh. ESPECIALLY THE OCEAN. a little scary, but the beach oh em geeee. ily ocean <3

the extinction: who wants this. like genuinely. everyone hates this fear. KILL THIS FEAR. human life is NOT being eradicated. I love being alive

YURRT FINISHED!!!! What I've concluded is that I am a very normal person. thank you for listening to my tedtalk

[diesoonandsuffer]

I FINISHED TNG!

please clap.

i never actually did an update on my thoughts post since season 3, so i figured before i watched the movies i'll do a summary of my thoughts on the show.

first off it apparently took me over a year to finish it since i started in july of 2022, and it's now august of 2023. this isn't because i didn't like it or anything, i just kept doing other stuff and unlike with tos, i wasn't watching it WITH someone, so i wasn't on a schedule of any kind. however i did enjoy the show, i grew to like the characters quite a lot and i was invested in their stories. it was definitely a different vibe to tos, while tos is quite episodic, campy, and a bit dated, tng is less campy, a bit less episodic, and slightly less dated lol. it did kind of annoy me that we would start to get these longer arcing plots and then they would be abandoned or forgotten. for example at the beginning of the show it seemed like riker and troi were going to have a lot more "drama" in the show but nothing really happened with them, and then at the very end of the show they put her with worf and don't really explore that fully. i don't just mean romantic pairings but that's an example of what i mean. there was also just a general quality difference in episodes, maybe it was more noticeable here than in tos since tng was longer, but towards the end of the show in particular we got really good episodes followed by quite shit ones. by the time the show ended i didn't really feel like it was ready to end, if that makes sense. i feel like it was always toeing the line between being episodic and being a show with long plots. in general -- was fun. i had a good time. i've forgotten a lot from the beginning but oh well.

here i'll give my thoughts on the characters since that's what i used to do. in no particular order:

picard: i really don't have many strong opinions about him, some episodes he definitely was more entertaining than others. i think i would have liked to see him fail more often because generally he seems too capable at times. i do enjoy the rare moments where he loosens up. despite the longer screentime he had i weirdly feel like he has less depth than kirk? let me know if this is a crazy take but i don't feel like picard is a particularly complicated man, he doesn't seem like he has a lot of inner turmoil or conflict about things, meanwhile kirk is going through it at all times. not to constantly compare the two but. well, i just did

troi: the most beautiful woman in the world i'm such a whore when i look at her. when she got a real uniform i whooped and hollered and when she become a COMMANDER bitch?!?!?! i really do wish they did more with her character she had sooooooo much potential with being half-betazed and they never really give it the exploration it deserves, they use it when its convenient and forget when it isn't. i feel like if we had gotten one more season she could have really shined but they were like i know let's spend the last couple of episodes we have with her making her date worf i guess. also why did they give her mom so much trauma. that wasn't nice.

worf: i grew to like him more and more as the show went on, like whenever i would realize the episode i was watching was going to be a worf-focused episode i would get excited. he's one of those unintentionally funny characters which makes him entertaining, but i also find it interesting seeing the way he balances his klingon heritage with his role as a starfleet officer. i love how much he loves being a klingon, and how he always wants to teach other people about it and let them, in turn, learn more about him. he cares deeply and he tries hard even if he doesn't get it right. i know he's in ds9 so i'm happy to see more of him when i finally get to that

riker: we didn't get enough of him tbh. it felt like there would be multiple season gaps between his solo episodes. like for someone who is the first officer he didn't feel very relevant to the show, they stopped caring about his character after a while. he would have maybe a small arc in certain episodes but he was mostly there because he had to be? maybe the sporadic way i watched is effecting my memory on this. but i really like him, i think he's funny and i like his rogue tendencies.

geordi: we also didn't get enough of geordi. i love him but i feel like i barely know anything about him. but i love how genuinely kind and caring he is, and he's also in the scotty position of "the ship would fall apart without him" i feel like every episode picard would be like geordi fix this! help! also i wish he would have kissed the android.

data: hey it's the android. i love this dude. however i am getting a little overexposed to the dude and i know the movies are only going to continue that. idk why by s6-7 they were like "we're out of ideas for data. what if he liked killing and hurt his crewmates and was maybe evil" which is so lazy. like it would all somehow get resolved by the end and everyone would just move on like data wasn't a genocide machine two minutes ago. the finale reminded me of the way data used to be, where he would constantly ask people questions and say obvious things, and i realized i really missed that. he has dreams and shit now he's not really as compelling. he's been a human to me from day 1 so they didn't need to do all that. however brent spiner continues to be very funny.

beverly: um she certainly was there. don't get me wrong i like her but i feel like i never had any strong attachment to her. she didn't get many solo episodes and the last one i can remember (with the fucking. ghost?) was not good. yeah i can't really think of anything else to say. she's fine.

wesley: ok i know he like left the show after a certain point but i would be remiss to mention again that his arc did not end in a good way and he should get to take a NAP why does he have to keep being SO SPECIAL. also why does anyone ever hate this kid he was like 12 he literally was so non offensive to the show. but i did really like every time he came back after wil wheaton left i feel like wesley brings a new perspective to the show that is needed.

honorable mention ro laren: she's my icon right now so i feel like i have to mention her. i would have loved to see more of her in the show, i found her character really compelling and complex. i liked how she was always a bit of a bitch. i'm on the fence of how i feel about her arc ending, i feel like the episode with geordi and the one where she was turned into a kid both were made to help her feel more like the enterprise could be a home for her. they didn't give me much reason to believe otherwise? i don't care about her leaving, i liked that both her and wesley left starfleet even if the show didn't have the time or capacity to explore it, but i didn't fully believe her reasoning. but i loved every time she was there.

i have probably forgotten. many things. i was in the sun all day and maybe have heat exhaustion. but i'm starting generations in like 10 minutes and i realized i needed to make this post before i watched it. thank you for coming along on this year-long journey of me watching tng. we did it boys