#next person who says that's also love owes me 20€ that's not what the post says learn to READ!!!!

[carlyraejepsans]

"speak for yourself" make your own post❤️

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

How to Build Resilience in Long Fanfic Writing

Sometimes, when a fanfic goes past 20 chapters, people who had been commenting, began to lose interest. Maybe you'll start doubting your skill or whether you "have what it takes" to be a writer, even if you're doing it for fun.

But maybe you see all those beautifully written but unfinished long fics and mourn that they'll never be finished (for the writer's valid reason or another). And you don't want that to happen to yours.

There is also an advantage to completing long fics: you develop the discipline to write original novels which can take far longer.

So if you're in for the long haul and you want to stay steady and true despite whatever popularity your fic may have, here's how to have the resilience to finish it to the end.

(Disclaimer: this is not a reason to stop commenting on fics)

#1 Whatever You Think You're Owed, Let It Go.

Accidentally quoting Elsa aside, I'm talking about comments. Comments validate and can make you learn new things about your fics through other people's eyes.

But when you see a high-to-low ratio between kudos and comments, you may feel like you are owed.

When you push yourself to complete three long chapters and publish them all in the same day and only get one response, it can feel like people are being mean.

The truth is, we'll never know why the people who loved our fics will not talk to you about them.

Maybe they forget there's a person behind the fic.

Maybe they're having a bad day and just want to shut down after reading something enjoyable.

But whatever the case is, it's beyond your control.

This post said it best (shoutout to @radioactive-earthshine) :

"Remember - hits/likes/kudos/comments are not reflective of the quality of your fic or your ability to write. Most people just don’t comment - even if they say they do, they don’t... Even if your fic brought tears to their eyes and it haunted them for weeks and they printed it out and sent it to their friends they just don’t comment. You just have to accept it.

I'm not saying you force yourself to let it go now. But someday, you will need to let it go, and control what you can which is you.

#2 Put Your Life First Before Your Readers

I have to say this because sometimes writers would have thoughts like "I haven't written for a long time; people must be wondering about it." Nope. Stop. Not worth it.

Creating is fun, but it is also exhausting. Add into the fact that most of us have 8-hour jobs or classes.

The reason you haven't written for a long time is that other aspects of your life deserve your time and energy, too. And after all that, you would be understandably tired.

So put your life first before your readers.

#3 Make Preparations to Replenish Your Soul

Long fanfic writing is energy and time-consuming. But you cannot depend on external validation to make up for it.

External validation in the form of comments can be good because we don't want to imagine it's all in our heads. But seeking it too much leads to what I've read in the book, "Ego is the Enemy":

"If outside validation is your only source of nourishment, you will hunger for the rest of your life."

So before posting a chapter, list down what you can do to replenish your soul after. Treating myself to a cafe one time helped. So is taking walks when the air is cool.

To stop anticipating responses too much, what works for me is to post on Wednesday. Wednesday is when people are less busy. At the same time, when the weekend comes, I don't obsess over it so much and can focus on other aspects of my life or replenish my energy for the next week.

In the commitment to complete a long fic, it's important to be honest with yourself. This is to be transparent with your needs and watch out for any signs of burnout, like feeling sad and tired. If you need to walk away from your fic for a while, then do it.

#3 This is Between You and Your Creation

Yes, fandom should be two-way street. Yes, fandom shouldn't treat fanfics and fan arts like commodity. And yes, there should be interaction and engagement. But before all that, there is this thing between you and your creation first and foremost.

Just as a story has to have a "why", remember why you thought you should write your long fic. Your reason may change over time, but when you remember your "why", you remember your true goal to keep going.

#4 Write like No One is Reading

This is a perk I adapted when I only get two responses if I'm lucky after updating a fic that has more than a hundred subscribers. If people barely react, then you're free to write whatever you please in your story as if you're dancing like no one is watching. Just have fun improving your skills.

This is similar to an inspiring section of the same post that I've found:

"10.) Write for yourself, not for others. Write the fic you know no one is going to read. Write the fic that sounds ridiculous. You will be so happy you put it out in the world and there will be people who will be glad it exists."

#5 Cherish the Rare Friends You Find Along the Way

Sometimes, we get lucky and get something better than a hundred people interacting with our fic -we find a friend we would make in the way of writing the long fic that we dared to write. And they're the ones who would cheer you on and cry and laugh with you about the shared stories. Cherish them.

(dedicated to @lightreader1)

[f0point5]

the whole situation with the wags reminds me so much of the one direction days, the hate their girlfriends used to get was soo horrible and they infantilized the boys just like they do with the f1 drivers now.

i thought we would have grown past this absolutely childish and misogynistic behavior by now.

it’s also funny how people use one problematic thing the wags did years ago as a reason to hate them and demand they apologize publicly for it when we all know that the reason they hate them is jealousy. bc suddenly they don’t really care about problematic things when the drivers do them and excuse everything with ‘he didn’t know better’ and ‘I’m sure he doesn’t think like this anymore’.

also the whole ‘it’s a pr relationship’ thing is sooo stupid, just bc alex for example is showing herself more and is probably more comfortable in front of cameras, doesn’t mean that it’s pr or she wants to become an influencer. like ofc her and charles are hanging out, they are in a relationship.

It really if F1Direction over there on those gossip sites. You just know those people who are concerned about Alexandra repeating outfits or Magui’s dad’s criminal record are the same people who were sending Perrie from Little Mix death threats for dating Zayn with posters on their walls covered in lipgloss that came stuck to a magazine. I said what I said.

Personally I think the whole cancelling celebs thing is weird as hell like they’re not accountable to you just because you follow them on Instagram. Don’t like their behaviour? Unfollow or block, and don’t watch/buy their shit. They don’t have to say sorry to you, they don’t know you. They may choose to to keep their fan base but you aren’t owed one every time they do something you don’t like.

Also “x doesn’t think this anymore” like hun you didn’t know what he thought in the first place. He probably didn’t think anything. He’s got a year 9 reading level and a two million euro watch…whatever it is you think he was thinking about I guarantee he doesn’t care. And that’s on all 20 of them I stg.

I do think Lando and Magui are on a PR campaign sorry but at the end of the day why shouldn’t they be? Engagement means money and these people have to eat. But yeah the Alexandra PR thing is so weird. It’s like people think if you’re a shy person you sit home and chew your hair all the time. Maybe that’s what the Parasocials do but normal people go to things with their boyfriend. Especially a boyfriend who has a bit of form for liking to always have people around him. And just because one day she maybe feels good about herself and posts a tiktok or has her picture taken, doesn’t mean that the next week she might not be feeling it and wanting to be more low key. Vibes change. Also, I have to point out, not that I think their relationship is PR, but wags are billboards for their boyfriends a lot of the time. So if Alexandra is doing the leg work for Charles and wearing some APM stuff, she has to get her picture taken. When Charles receives an invite to an event, the brand knows her being his plus one is going to increase clicks, so she is very likely an important presence there. That doesn’t mean she’s “hired” to be his girlfriend, it means that she is doing what a wag does - supporting her boyfriend. Not to mention, A LOT of people outside F1Direction actually love Alexandra and her style, she is positive for Charles’s PR beyond the dark, bitter corners of the internet whether people want to acknowledge that or not.

Idk it’s just so clear to me that the Parasocials sit at home licking driver merch because they actually cannot conceptualise human interaction

[cayenne-twilight]

what about randall my friend randall? or emmy :]

[the “ask game” is sending me stuff to give headcanons about]

Randall cheated off of Hershel’s everything in school 100%. He was too focused on his personal projects to actually study, so he’d ask to pleaseeee copy his homework since he’s run out of time to do it himself, and hersh was like ugh fine ok, but when the exams came around he didn’t know anything, so why not peek a bit? No big deal.

He’d also be the friend who always says, “I owe you one. I’ll do the next assignment for both of us. I owe you lunch. I owe you £20” and never do it.

In a modern or social media AU Randall would be the guy who gets hacked worryingly often. Angela notices odd posts and messages from his account and asks what he’s done, and naturally he’s entered his full username and password into a suspicious fake link again. She calls him a dumbass and he posts, “just got hacked! :( please follow @ new account”.

Post-MM Randall starts working as a big time entertainer in Monte D’Or as The Masked Gentleman and scores his own show.

-

Emmy secretly likes kids stuff. She likes kid cartoons just the same as mature live action shows and would love getting a plushie as a gift. She uses the excuse that she’s just playing along for Luke, and later Kat and Al.

She’s so used to intense adventures and Targent life that it’s hard for her to just unwind and be comfortable. She’s trying to find ways to relax that work for her.

Emmy has comes back from her trips to visit a couple times, but not nearly as much as anyone would prefer. She’ll come to London for just weeks at a time and crash at people’s apartments and cook them something good in compensation, but she hits the road as soon as she’s ready for the next big journey. The first time she came back to the professor, she was almost too embarrassed to knock on his door, but he welcomed her as if nothing ever happened.

[fake-love-is-all-i-dreamed-of]

fuck my ex

He did it. My ex brought me back to tumblr. Dang, it's been a while... like over 10 years since the young, hippie-wannabe, angsty teen was making blogs about doing drugs from the earth and sharing psychedelic aesthetic posts. It's nice to be back, in a place where no one knows who I am and I can speak my mind. Journalling is fun and all... but typing it out just feels like you're empowered.

Over the last year, I dated the dumbest person I have ever dated... and that's saying a lot, as my track record is pretty rough. I met him somewhere I shouldn't have been dating anyone, and from there, things moved quickly. He moved in within a few months, if not a few weeks, and we were full fledged in a relationship neither of us were ready for.

I mean jesus christ, the man almost has more kids than fingers and a criminal record but somehow I was so desperate for love I couldn't resist. I'm not fully salty about the situation, I've learned a lot.... but recently, I let him back in.

It had been three months since he left, and we were going on a month of no contact. He owed me $20 that he was holding over my head for months and refused to give back... I let it go eventually (it was more the principle than the amount I was worried about... as well as I'm pretty sure it was some sick way for me to keep talking to him.. I'm now seeing). I finally started to feel better and was being more conscious of the lessons as opposed to my loneliness. Then bam, he calls me out of the blue one night when I'm out drinking with a friend. I'm still not sure how he can call me when I have him blocked, but he says "that's the good thing about having a blocked number". Didn't know you could do that. I guess I was more lonely than I thought at that moment, because little did I know... he'd successfully reel me back in despite all he's done to me, I let the bastard back in.

Over the next few days we may have chatted a few times, can't remember. He then told me he was moving away for work and wanted to stay at my house for a night while he waited for his flight. I said absolutely not, we went no contact for a few more weeks.

Then, all of a sudden I get a call that awakens me at 8am on a Saturday. He's on the way into the city and is going to be staying overnight at the airport for 24 hours to wait for his flight. Again, I must have been extra lonely, because I slept for a few more hours and then went and got his ass. On my way there he sent me my $20 back, saying nothing. I was like wow, he really wants something from me lol. He said he didn't want to stay the night, but I practically begged him. We had a decent day, went to the beach, had something to eat. He was still unable to talk about what happened that caused our breakup and how he treated me the three months after, which is something I want badly but he's honestly just not intelligent enough to have a conversation like that (red flag #50,000)... so I just allowed the time spent to be what it was. He was leaving for 5 weeks to work out of the Province, so what the fuck is the difference... it's just a day, right? Throughout our day and night he made multiple mentions of him coming back to my place every 5 weeks and staying. I actually considered it.

Fast forward to the last two weeks, he's been out of Province and calling me daily for the most part. I noticed he still has some concerning people on his social media that I asked him to remove, so deep down I know nothing's changed and I also know I don't want to associate with someone of his patheticness - but, loneliness sucks so I keep him on a little string chatting here and there just to feel something.

He then starts asking me for money again. He went out of Province to work with $0 and apparently has no food, or smokes. I've had no extra money so kept telling him that's why I couldn't send, but he knew my pay period and tonight asked me again. This time, I said honestly I'm not comfortable with loaning you any money because I work really hard for it and the last time you didn't give it back for 3 months. Well... all hell broke loose, and he started saying "fuck you, get the fuck out of my life"... totally freaking out like a child. I then made a few digs at him, basically just insulting his intelligence and character because it's clear the only reason he keeps talking to me is so that he knows he can have me on standby if he needs something.

He then started saying that the reason he did what he did (cheated, lied, scammed me, etc.) is because of me, lmfao. That's when I'm like ok brother you're actually fucked. I blocked his number and he started calling me, leaving me voicemails saying I'm a piece of shit and telling me to clean my house because it's the only thing he can say to me - I'm not a disgusting human being like him, so there isn't much to say to me. I know I did nothing wrong and I've always been good to his grimy ass, so I have nothing to worry about.

He called me a few times, left two mean voicemails that I didn't even listen to, just deleted - and now we wait. Now we see if he emails me or tries to contact me from another method - or, will he finally give up and leave me alone?

I am hoping that I am fully done at this point - I mean, he's never done this before but tonight he called me a piece of shit and some other mean things - so I think I'm good, as I don't tolerate that no matter how mad you are. I've been talking to other guys basically the entire time he's been gone, just nothing serious has come out of anything. It's not like he's my only option, familiarity just hits ya in the face sometimes.

At the end of the day, what saddens me is that he is a product of his environment and I am unsure if he has the intelligence to ever break that mould. Being with me gave him a view of life he had never seen before, coming from where he comes from. I don't come from much, but, I do come from a place of intelligence and life knowledge - which is something he just doesn't have. I hope that he can someday lead a good life, but that's just not my business anymore and I hope to keep it that way.

So just like when I got sober from coke some 7-8 years ago, here is day 1 of no contact. I hope to reach 10, 20, 50, 100 days. If I don't, I'll start again - but he has no place in my life and I can't forget that.

[peanutpinet]

Yuta (cold mafia boss)

Prompt: 20)“The only time a man should be fast is when he’s trying to dodge my bullets.” - 100 Dialogue Prompts for Mob Boss AUs

A/N: since NCT 127 have decided to attack us since Friday with all their day/night posts and whatever more things they still got in the back storage, I just gotta do some fics about the dark concept, cause like, yea XD. I asked my friend whose bias is Yuta to choose a prompt and so, here we are XD

Warnings: some form of harassment, cursing (it's Yuta) drinking, spiked drink and hint of kidnapping

It was a Friday night and you were more than excited to finally have some time off to hang out with your boyfriend, Yuta, who was also part "gang leader" of NCT, an infamous group that people thought do illegal doings when they're the ones shutting the illegal businesses down.

Yuta being Yuta didn't disclose what he did from the beginning. But he also never fully tell you everything which, is understandable, it was confidential information. Despite so, Yuta never restricted your movements and you both would have some normal cafe dates, picnic dates, etc. Even so, there will be times where Yuta would have you do some personal training that includes self-defence, quizzes about types of chemicals, guns, etc. In his defense, he just wants you to be prepared should something goes wrong and you're alone.

Despite following Yuta's needs, you would sometimes joke about how it won't happen or that Yuta will make sure it wouldn't go too far or even if anything did happen, you were sure that Yuta would eventually find a way to make things right. Boi, were you in for a treat.

As mentioned, you were finally going to have a night out with Yuta after so long and had just finished getting ready when you received a text from Yuta saying, "hey love, sorry this is super last minute but could you change into a more black-tie dress code? We are sort of having a business dinner tonight and I want to bring you as my date. I'm on my way to pick you up right now. Don't worry, you don't have to put on anything you're uncomfortable cause whatever you wear, you still look hot to me ;)"

So of course you did what Yuta asked. You changed into a simple long black dress that fitted your figure and touched up your makeup a bit more and let your hair down. As you were putting on the last of your accessories and about to put your shoes on, Yuta was already ringing the bell. You quickly opened the door for him and told him that you were just going to put your shoes on which Yuta chuckled and helped you as he saw you struggling.

"You didn't have to go all out and wear heels babe, you'll have sore feet by the end of the night" Yuta mentioned, holding you steady as you were putting on your heels

"I mean, if it's just dinner, I'll just be sitting either way. You so owe me with a pizza movie night next week" you complained, finally putting your shoes

"Anything for you babe. Let's go" Yuta smiled, bringing your arm wrapped around his and helped you get into the car before he went to the driver's seat

Arriving at the dinner, you felt out of place since this was the first time Yuta actually brought you. Noticing your nervous state, Yuta wrapped his arm over your shoulder, telling you that he'll be right beside you unless you need to go to the restroom or need some personal space.

Nodding, Yuta gave you a heartwarming smile and brought you around. First and foremost, to his other members that were joining the dinner, the people you knew the week you and Yuta started dating. Allowing some weight off since how worried you were.

"Oh, (Y/N)!! Welcome!! Hope Yuta didn't force you to come here" Johnny greeted you which Yuta gave him a glare

"Well, he sorta promised me for a pizza movie night date next week, so I guess it's a winwin" you replied, chuckling

"Oooh, can we come? I miss just watching movies on the weekend" Jungwoo requested, pulling out his puppy eyes

"Maybe if you find yourself a girlfriend, I'd consider it" Yuta hissed, you hit him playfully

"Hey (Y/N), sometimes I wonder what you see in Yuta. He's so aggressive" Jungwoo joked as Taeyong tried to calm everyone and directed everyone to their table since dinner was starting

Dinner surprisingly went well and the opposing business partners were actually cooperating; like, they would agree to what NCT were asking, even giving some suggestions for the corporation. But nevertheless, every NCT member were on their best guard; heck, they all had their guns rested by their hips and even knifes hidden within their clothing.

Seeing how the talk about the business bore you, you took a big sip off of the drink the waiter had just poured for you. Suddenly feeling the urge to go to the bathroom, you excused yourself from everyone at the table, nodding your head when Yuta told you to immediately come back once you're done.

However, you didn't go to the bathroom because of the urge to pee or anything. Instead, it's because you didn't feel too good, maybe the alcohol in your drink was a bit too much to your tolerance but whether you want to admit it or not, you didn't feel good and felt like you could pass out at any second.

After purging and sitting down for a bit, you felt slightly better but not good enough because everything around you was tilted. Taking a deep breath, you just kept on thinking how the dinner table wasn't that far and if you hurry, you can just make it to Yuta's side and pass out however you like.

Pulling whatever willpower you have left, you stood up and started to walk out of the bathroom. Holding onto the wall, you slowly walked down the hall back to your table, until someone came up to you, asking if you were alright which you told them that you were fine. You may be dizzy and not feeling good, but you surely weren't dumb nor were you drunk.

Despite the guy saying that all he wanted to do was to help you, you clearly knew that wasn't his true intention since he was gripping you a bit too much to your liking. You've tried pushing him away but that only made his grip tighter. And to top it off, instead of helping you to your actual table or at least asking where your table was, he brought you to a more quiet area; making your heart beat quicker.

Unfortunately, at this point, whatever was in your drink was sinking it and you slowly start to lose consciousness and hope as from what you can see, you were far from your table. But thank the universe because all of a sudden you hear a loud ring and the tight grip was gone; instead, it was replaced by a warm embrace.

"Get him out of here before I actually kill him right here and now" you heard Yuta's stern voice commanding his other members

"I got you, baby. Let's get you back home, hmm?" you heard Yuta's voice turned soft; not having any more energy, you just nodded and fell asleep in his embrace

Because Yuta felt he can't leave you alone nor not torment the people that hurt you, he decided to bring you back to NCT's place. Wiping off your makeup and putting on your skincare for you, Yuta had one of the maids help change your clothes and then he tucked you in bed; not leaving your side until he's convinced that you're fully asleep before leaving a gentle kiss on your forehead then quietly leaving the room.

Walking out of the room, he saw Jeno and Jaemin, asking them to guard your room until he gets back. Making his way to the basement, he met with the NCT members that joined the dinner that did not end well at all.

Turns out, not long after you left, the neos already had a bad feeling; that something was not right, especially since their "business partners" were eyeballing the situation around them and it was revealed that the dinner was just a cover-up and that they were planning to use you to get to the neos, which clearly did not end well for them.

"Is she alright?" Taeyong asked, seeing Yuta was fuming

"She's very much passed out the second I found her. Are they all in there?" Yuta questioned strictly

"Yea. All tied up and blindfolded on the ground" Johnny mentioned

"Good" Yuta smirked, slamming the door open, making the prisoners jerked in surprise

"Rise and shine motherf*ckers. I hope you're ready for what's coming" Yuta shouted as some of the neos took their blindfolds off

"And y'all call yourselves men. Tch. You guys may be agile but not agile enough. The only time a man should be fast is when he’s trying to dodge my bullets. Not getting caught by their enemies. And surely not looking or thinking to do anything to another person's girlfriend. Oh well, what's done is done. Be lucky that we all got there in time. But, that doesn't mean I'll go easy on you. Let's see...should I start off with your fingers because you touched my girl or your head for ever thinking that little stunt of yours. Either way, I'm definitely going to take my time with you all" Yuta ranted, a smirk forming on his face as he saw the horror of his prisoners while the neos put their blindfolds back on

A/N: yeap, this turned out longer than expected. Welp, this is what happens when NCT updates with a dark concept I guess XD

[ghoste-catte]

I was curious what advice would you give to someone new to writing fics? I've been wanting to get back into it but haven't seriously written something since high school. I hope this isn't an annoying question or anything!

Not an annoying question at all! I'm just a little worried that I won't have terribly good or useful advice. To be honest, I also sort of stopped writing in earnest right as I finished high school, and didn't pick it back up until my late 20s. It's certainly an adjustment! But I think the few things that really helped me get back into writing fic as a hobby and something I spend quite a bit of time on would be:

Write for yourself first, then find your other motivations. My original inspiration in getting back into fic writing was that there just were not that many fics I liked for my favorite pairing, and I wanted more of them, and I especially wanted more with the tropes and characterizations I wanted to see. I think at the very core of anything you need that internal spark that drives you. At the same time, for me at least, if I just relied on my own drive, I would not get much done; I need some external guardrails. So having people send prompts, or writing for particular events, or writing stuff for friends really helps me to get my ass in gear and finish stuff. That may not be the perfect motivator for you, and that's fine! You just gotta figure out what is.

Be open to inspiration. Anything and everything can be spun out into a story with the right tweaking. Obviously stuff like music is a classic inspiration source, but I've also pulled ideas from poetry, from memes, from Reddit threads, from YouTube videos, from rambling conversations on Discord and from real life to make fics out of. So many times, someone will post a silly Twitter screencap, and I'll think, There's a fic in this. And a lot of the time, there is! Research is a wonderful thing, but so is serendipity. If you're out there actively looking for ideas, eventually one that you like will stumble past you.

Find your community. I can genuinely say I never would have finished more than one fic if I didn't have fandom friends to talk to about even stupid headcanons, to bounce ideas off of, and to encourage me (and to encourage them in turn!). Discord has been a godsend, and some of my closest online friends are people I met in the GaaLee discord server. As I've gotten more comfortable as a writer, I've also joined general writing servers and Reddit communities and have found them immensely helpful on both a motivational level (bingos, sprints, owe-me challenges) and on a craft level (plot workshopping and writing ethics and live grammar help). It's a lot easier to think about fic ideas and hash through problem moments when I have a constant stream of fandom-related chatter coming from the little people who live in my phone! Ao3 is an amazing website, and it's great as, well, an archive, but it isn't social media by design. If you want conversation and human connection and cheerleading, you've gotta forge out and find it.

Make it a habit ... If you want to produce anything longer than a couple hundred words, you really have to set aside time for it. And writing is just like knitting or dirt biking or painting little model figurines: the more you do it, the more easily it comes. When I was first getting back into the proper swing of things, I committed myself to 30 minutes of writing per week. Just 30 minutes. I didn't even hit that goal every week, but there were tons of weeks I got on a roll and went over that amount, and by the end of the year I'd written over 200,000 words. I used to spend an hour laboriously tip-tapping out 200 words, but now I can easily blow through 1k in a 50 minute sprint. It's all about training that muscle.

... But don't make it a chore. With fanfic, you aren't doing this as a job, and you aren't ultimately doing it for anyone other than you. That means you can take breaks when you need them, you can set deadlines and then fail to meet them, you can write stuff and then decide to never post it. When you start getting burnt out, when the practice loses the joy and energy, stop. There's no 'hustle' here. In our capitalist society we're so trained to push past our limits and keep going even when it hurts us, but the hobby you do for connection and relaxation and whatever else shouldn't be like that.

Ignore metrics. Sometimes stuff isn't gonna get hits, or kudos, or comments. There are some basic 'rules' as to the stuff that does and doesn't get traction, but every time you post something it's a roll of the dice. If you're focused on watching that kudos counter tick up, you will get bummed out fast. And any writer will tell you that the stuff you think is your best work will never be the stuff that gets the most accolades. So you have to find something else to give you a sense of success. For me, it's watching my wordcount go up in my stats and those occasional comments where someone has a lot to say and that one person who always leaves me a <3 emoji (and, shout out to @egregiousderp, having someone to have long one-on-one conversations with about the stuff that never made it to page).

Don't strive for perfection. It's really easy to want your first ever fic to be a complete showstopper, the best fic fandom has ever seen, hitting all the tropes and the ideas and the characterization that you just know fandom is missing and would be everyone's top favorite if only it was written. This is a trap. No one fic can be all things. Most people who want to write an epic as their very first venture will not see the end of that epic, because they haven't put in the practice hours to make something on that scale work. That's not to say you can't start out with a big, sprawling multichap, just don't expect it to be the greatest thing since sliced bread if you're just starting out, and be okay with abandoning it for greener pastures if you get to that point. Think of the first time someone makes a vase out of clay or bakes a loaf of bread. That's never their best vase or their best bread. If they keep up with it, they'll make more and better vases and loaves. Likewise, your first fic is probably not gonna be your best fic. See it for what it is: your launchpad.

You can't edit an empty page, but you can over-edit a full one. This kind of spins off of #7, but if the words aren't there, you can't fix them. Daydreams and headcanons are fantastic (and god, how many times have I wished for a speech-to-text engine that projected my falling asleep thoughts onto a Google doc for later perusal), but they aren't fic. If you want to write fic, you've gotta get comfortable with the idea of sloppy outlines and rough first drafts. You can't build a house without a frame and you can't build a man without a skeleton (I mean, you can, I guess, but he'd be one floppy man). The nice thing about fic is that it doesn't matter if that frame is structurally unsound or the skeleton has 18 too many bones, you can clean that up in the editing process. But you can't start hanging curtains and arranging furniture in something that doesn't even have walls. That's the process. But! Also know when to set down the editor's pen and say, "Okay, this is good enough for government work", and call it done. ("Done" doesn't have to mean "posted", but it does mean, "I'm done picking at this for now, and I'm gonna go write some more stuff".) Over-editing can make stuff seem laborious and forced, and it prevents you from actually improving. To continue belaboring the house metaphor, you can spend your whole life rearranging furniture in just one room, but the end result of that is a pretty narrow existence and a room with a lot of footprints and tracks in the carpet.

Write shit down. When you have ideas, jot them down--in a notebook, in a Google Doc, in the Notes app of your phone, in pen on the back of your hand. You think you will remember that brilliant line of dialogue or sparkling snippet of narration or genius plot that came to you in a dream, but you Will Not. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down! There have been so many times when a fic was completely saved by past!me having written down my shower thoughts about what happens next in the fic, that present!me had completely forgotten about and was floundering over.

Have fun with it! Try different stuff. Try stupid stuff. Try experimental stuff. Do stuff you've never done before that you aren't sure will work. It's important to get comfortable with your niche (for example, I know I'm never going to be the sort of person who writes intricate plots of intrigue or super long 100k epics or detailed battles), but you can't find that niche unless you explore lots of different niches! Figure out what you love and what you absolutely hate, and then keep doing the stuff you love.

Okay, so that was actually TEN things, but ... I hope you still found this helpful. Feel free to send another ask if any of this was confusing or unclear. Good luck with your fic writing and, if you want, send me a link to what you've written once you've written it! I'd love to read it.

[cooloddball]

Someone submitted something in my inbox and they wanted to remain anonymous. Since this is an extremely long essay, I will put it under the cut. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

xxx submitted: hey, i was the one who ask what do you think of Misha and Jensen's current relationship First off all thank you for your answear it means much to me cause im easy to be convice and this person who keep telling me that they are no longer friends can be so convicing, so I'm actully trying to forget what she said 😅 so I'm just writing a few. she said that since they no longer work together, they will forget about each other, and do their common things like the gay jokes, face touches ect. With other people, and neglect each other, don't talk to each other, and then meet new people who will replace the other. And and she talked about the gish thing, she said she sure they didn't talk since the end of the series, because Jensen didn't know where Misha was and Misha didn't know about the Radio Company vol 2 (but i saw people say that, they were just pretending, because Misha liked something about Radio Company Vol 2, before the gish live, so in theory he already knew then or something like that) and She said Misha wrote a poem about Darius not Jensen and now I will write down what she sent me : I saw a post about Jensen's current activities on social media, and I've come to the conclusion the only person he doesn't interact with is mish. Sadly this makes my break up theory even stronger. I feel like this is a goodbye to one of the biggest parts of my life. They've moved on from "uk what I haven't told you today? That i love u"+ from "miss my only jensen" from "i love u misha i mean it from the bottom of my heart" from "jensen has no flaws" from "misha is the funniest thing ever happened to me" from all that love and affection from everything they developed together and now they're apart leaving their lives like nothing happened and call me a dramatic but they both have the same energy now as someone has after a big break up. and Jensen comments on almost every of his friend’s post except Misha’s"+ Jenmish is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I owe them literally everything. They're the reason i hold on. Unfortunately on this essay i have to start using past tense verbs for them, and i have to continue on that. I don't know for how long y'all been in spn fandom. But even if u joined one year before the show ended you'd know how close and intimate jensen and misha were. Everything about them was unmatched.+ The chemistry and how they just fit eachother. They had always been all over eachother. Like they were holding on eachother for dear life. They completed eachother and were like world's most powerful thing. They were the definition of soulmatism. No matter where, they ALWAYS kept interacting with eachother. Each possible tweet or insta post. On cons that the other wasn't there, the other one would bring up the othere's name for no absolute reason. +The looks and repeated love confessions. How invested they were both into eachother. The family they had built together cuz we know how close dee and mish are (look all the charity work they've been doing together recently). There are youtube videos to proof everything I've said so far.When i say break up, my real intention is that they've grown apart. Everything started in the the third or forth month of pandemic. Before than jensen used to interact +(comment mostly) on almost all of misha's posts. But after a while everything just stopped. At first personally didn't care that much. Bcuz I believed too much in them that I thought not even the gods above could separate them. I told myself maybe they spend long hours chatting or video calling and that's why online public interactions are gone. But as it passed it almost diminished to zero. Except some likes from jackles and eventual ones from misha there weren't anything else.+ We got absolutely no content and the show went off too. We were helpless and were sticking to everything we had Dee had a big social media shot down, so as jensen. Misha was busy with the election. We got some interviews for it with all of them. But we didn't get much.except remember both of them pulling a bff

move. and texted eachother during an online con where everyone else were dead-serious about politics? That flickered something in me. That showed me that+ they can't ever possibly let eachother go. And the times everyone else were talking and these too would just talk random things together (the one jackels had a white hat on with stacy abraham).And then Misha posted that for jensen's bday We really overlooked it. That shit was too intimate. To close. Fav march baby? U just don't go around and called ur bestie baby and when u mean it deeply. Especially not when ur friend is jensen ackles the "I suffered form internalized homophobia my whole life+ but fuck my wife's an angel and i have an angel bf too and another angel which is his wife but I'd rather die than come out cuz my asshole dad pulled a John winchester on me". It doesn't work like that. But uk how mish is. Carefree and open. I believe they got into a fight bcuz of this. He didn't even like the post. AND that was when the tiny bit of interactions we had was gone too. For a while jensen didn't even liked his posts. After a month it started again.What made me finally believe in that they had grown too+ far: I still remember the night misha posted that he and jensen were going to have a con for gish together. I remember how hard I cried. Lile the whole world was given to me. But deep down in my heart I knew that something would definitely happen. It didn't sit right with me and unfortunately my senses never lie to me. Jensen showed up at the wrong time bcuz of misunderstanding the time zones (this was HILARIOUS). That's not even my point.+ I've seen that interview 3 times so far. It always reminds me of when i saw my ex at a party and we were both so thrilled to see eachother and we still loved the other dearly, but we just couldn't work it out. Jensen and Misha's expressions were EXACTLY the same. The genuine smiles and longs pauses were they just stared at eachother. I'm so happy that it was online cuz if they actually gave that looks to eachother standing right next to the other one I would've collapsed. Misha didn't know that jensen's album+ was out. And he got so embarrassed when he found it out. He didn't know that jensen was on set and hadn't been home for 8weeks. Jensen had no idea where misha was. And this means that they hadn't talked in a long long time.When you're that close with someone for more than a decade, i mean THAT close, even if u're separated from eachother you'd at least check on the once a week, or at least once in two weeks. But it was vividly clear that they hadn't. I hate how this world works. They would always be in my heart.+ I would be thankful from them for everything. It hurts, and it won't stop and im so sure I'd be carrying this pain for a long time. They mean too much to a lot of us. Sometimes I think to myself that god i love them so much. Remember in 2019 when we used to get SO many jenmishdee interactions? That was LIT. It was THEE year for us. I hope they're doing good. I really do. I hope we don't get more proofs and I won't have to update this thread. Cuz my heart won't be taking it very+ well.Something i gotta add U may say that Jensen's busy and that's why he doesn't comment. But he comments on a lot of jared and his new costar's posts. So that's no excuse. So yeah that's it. I don't know what am I supposed to think. english isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes

Here is my response:

I don't know who this person who has been talking to is but I have to say they seem to be project their previous relationship experience on cockles.

I believe Jensen and Misha are okay and are together. Social media likes and comments don't mean anything. I mean it's not like Jensen or Misha used to comment on each other's posts before. Jensen didn't even wish Dee Happy Mother's Day this year, does that mean they are not together anymore? Nope. He has other best friends he has known for over 20 years like Jason Manns, Steve Carlson etc that he doesn't wish happy birthday, does that mean they are not friends anymore.

Please let's not put value on social media likes. I don't even follow my own family on sm and I don't always like or comment on my bf's or bff's posts on sm. So it doesn't mean anything.

As for the Gish Panel, I have talked about it before, the time Jensen was slotted to attend the panel, he was meant to answer fan questions. I honestly believe they decided to not do it at that time because they knew the questions would be about Destiel and not their new projects. If you watched that panel, Misha knew that Jensen's album was out as I pointed out. He was just trying to promote the album and soldier boy. He knew Jensen had also buffed out. It was all to promote Jensen. Anything else you hear is trolls and antis just being loud. Also don't forget Jensen called him "babe".

If Jensen and Misha weren't okay, he wouldn't have attended or participated all those panels Misha organized especially for Gish. Danneel also posts a lot about RA and likes Misha's posts. I am 100% Misha visited the Ackles when he went to Colorado last month.

Stop listening to trolls and/or antis or just people who are projecting and look at facts.

[bisqueri]

Tubbo will NOT be the next Schlatt and Tommy will NOT become the next Wilbur

(This is the text form version of my video where I talked about my own idea and stuff. The video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgZMFkdUTiY)

Salutations! I will be talking about my thoughts/general ideas about Villaininnit and Villain!Tubbo. 

Do I personally think that Villaininnit and Villain!Tubbo will happen? As of 12/17/20, not too likely for Tommy, because he has Technoblade backing him up and his moral compass has still not misaligned, but the possibility of it for the future is still there. Tubbo on the other hand… Oh I am mostly certainly sure, because he is already on the path to Villainy.

(Continuation below because it’s kind of long)

Now let’s start with the whole Tubbo-Tommy-Schlat- Wilburt connection. What is this connection? This is the idea that as the story progresses Tubbo will grow to become more like Schlatt and Tommy will grow to become more like Wilbur. Their predecessors. This idea has grown in popularity specifically in the Tumblr side of things due to the Exile arc. In this arc Tubbo goes against his cabinet and exiles Tommy. During this exile Tommy is slowly going off of the deep end. Several characters in canon, also pointed this idea out especially in the iconic line of “As long as I won’t become the next Schlatt, you can’t become the next Wilbur”.

What do I personally think of this connection? I think I can see why it’s so popular, not only is it backed up by canon lines by the characters, but the imagery of Tubbo with horns and Tommy with Wil’s coat is simply spectacular. However, I’m thinking of a different idea, because I think this whole connection is not that strong.

I’ll explain why. Tommy and Wilbur, though the connection is quite stronger than Tubbo and Schlatt I feel still doesn’t work that well.What separates them the most is their reaction to being exiled. Wilbur was filled with anger, he used that anger to start a new movement to save his country back with pride. He started clearing and building a new home the moment he got exiled. Tommy, on the other hand, is distraught and hesitant to start anew. He’s not angry, he’s frustrated.  

With the ominous message from the Exile arc about how people only respect him when he has power. Tommy will most likely have a power hungry arc in the future. Where he will do anything to get what he wants, different from Wilbur’s goal of destroying the thing he cannot have in what I assume is his miserable attempt to preserve it’s essence. To save L’manburge from Jschlatt

Tommy’s descent in the exile arc differs from Wilbur, Wilbur was more manipulative. Taunting Tommy on how he’ll never be president. While Tommy’s descent was filled with violence as seen with his actions towards Techno and JackManifold. Kinda like how Schaltt was with his old cabinet who was trying to help him.

The Tubbo and Schlatt connection, I think is way off. The problem here is that Tubbo said it himself, he doesn’t want power he doesn’t want control he wants what’s the best for New L’manburg. You can’t connect them on a goal oriented level. because Schlatt wants power. Schlatt simply does what he thinks is the best for himself.

The motivations of these characters should be the most important thing in connecting them. Because I believe that a character’s motivation, what a character wants will pave the way onto how they will achieve it and who they will become. So if Tommy-Wilbur parallels don’t align because Tommy wants to reclaim what was his, while Wilbur wanted to preserve what wasL’manberge; and Tubbo-Schlatt parallels don’t align because Tubbo wants what’s good for New L’manberg, while Schlatt wants what’s good for himself. Then what’s another idea we can apply to these characters.

Well, I present to you the Tommy-Schaltt and Tubbo-Wilbur connection.  I believe that the characters that have been paired off in this new connection have more in common than the connection I mentioned earlier.

Tommy and Schlatt both have selfish goals. Tommy wants his discs. Schlatt wants his power. Both of them also have violent tendencies which is most obvious during their descents. Tommy lashes out violently to the people who were trying to help him, just like a certain goat.

we know that Tommy can put his discs to the side-- he’s not that selfish, but Tommy is changing. He’s done putting his own desires to the side, he wants what is rightfully his. I can imagine Tommy realizing that the only way he’ll get his discs back is to become powerful. Give Tommy his villain arc, he deserves to go feral in the pursuit of power. Both Tommy and Schlatt have been exiled, I desperately hope that when Tommy returns from his exile he gets the power that he craves in order to get what he wants.

Tubbo and Wilbur. What do they have in common? Wilbur wanted to destroy L’manburg, while Tubbo wants to protect it. The thing they have in common is their unyielding love for L’manburg. A devotion that ruins one’s morality. That’s what Tubbo and Schlatt don’t have in common, Tubbo has ideals he maintains, Schlatt doesn’t. However these ideals are slowly being broken. In a reddit post, Wilbur confirmed that Tubbo is a lawful good. Tubbo stick to what is right and what is good. But as we can see Tubbo is under immense pressure from his cabinet, they don’t respect him. His cabinet wants power and they don’t see Tubbo as powerful. So, Tubbo in this current arc is turning against his morals of peace in order to satisfy his violent cabinet. He even broke the no armor rule. He’s changing and not for the better.

This sounds a lot like Wilbur during his time in Pogtopia. Where Wilbur’s sanity cracks under the pressure of his fellow Pogtopians wishing for a great ruler. Wilbur tossed his old days of adamantly using words to fight, when the war came he wielded his weapons. Since he can’t have his country, he’ll have to destroy it in order to protect L’manburg from the hands of others.

I predict that Tubbo will end up betraying the butcher army once he realizes how futile this quest is. That what Quackity is doing is ruining Tubbo’s beloved L’manburg. If Tubbo completes his road to villainy I think he’ll end up as a scary villain who manipulates and smiles through things. Tubbo cares about L’manburg the most. It’s the only thing that has been trusted to him, and I’m sure he’ll do anything to protect it, morals be damned.

There’s already hints of Tubbo becoming more obsessed with L’manburg. During the beginning of the Exile Arc, something stuck out to me. When Tubbo exiled Tommy he said “Dream, please escort Tommy out of my country”, not L’manburge, or New L’manberge it’s my country.  When he first said it, I immediately got flashbacks to Wilbur repeatedly saying “my L'manburg”.

So in conclusion, while Tubbo-Schlatt, Tommy-Wilbur have more connections aesthetically, I think that narratively Tubbo-Wilbur and Tommy-Schlatt have a stronger connection. Tubbo and Tommy know the score. They know that Tommy shouldn’t end up like Wilbur and Tubbo knows that he shouldn’t end up like Schlatt. They’ll do everything to not end up like their parallel predecessor . But nobody is stopping them from becoming like the other’s predecessors.

Tubbo will become  not like Schlatt but like Wilbur.

And Tommy will become not like Wilbur but like Schlatt.

Is this true Who knows? All I know is that these two will end up as on opposite sides of the battlefield

Bonus prediction:

Yo guys a short prediction on what I think will happen in the Christmas Festival. Philza will inform the Antarctic anarchist commune on the event and how Dream will be there. Tommy suggests that it’ll be the perfect time to try and get his discs back, and Techno will think it’s perfect time for revenge, and of course ghostbur is happy to attend a festival. On the day of reckoning. Dream gets trapped and all is going to plan. However I believe that Tommy’s unresolved confused feelings about his manipulator will cause him to help dream. Imagine the cinematic parallels of Tommy enderpearling to defend a trapped Dream just like how he enderpearled to Tubbo during the festival. Techno will help Dream escape this assanation, he owes dream a solid after all. And Phil will follow and protect his sons, because he doesn’t want to be helpless anymore. He wants to protect his family. And as things are going down Tubbo vs. Tommy. Wilbur will be breaking down filled with so much repressed memories begging to be let out. Maybe he’ll remember, and who knows what will happen to him. Maybe this will be the time that Tubbo realizes that the butcher army is ruining new l’manberge and he has to save his country.

[sapiowoman28]

Chaos Part 2: Cool? How?

Pairing: Haechan x Ally Noona

Genre: friends to lovers au, smut, fluff

Warning: Mentions of sex, but there’s no smut in this part.

Tags: @nctlover94

Note: pls read the rewritten part 1 first

Except for Renjun, they all woke up with hangovers the next day.

“Ha! You fools!” Renjun wriggled his finger judgingly at all of them looking miserable at 2pm in the afternoon, after their next door neighbour decided Saturday was the perfect day to drill stuff into his walls, waking all of them up.

“I can’t believe he’s still drilling!” Haechan whined. “I feel like my head is getting drilled!”

“Next time don’t drink so much!” Renjun nagged.

“What’s a party with no alcohol?” Jaemin pouted. “You need to get as much booze in your system to have the maximum amount of fun.”

“I don’t think having to watch Hendery and Lucas running naked across the lawn counts as fun.” Rejun huffed.

“Oh come on! I won $100 from Yang Yang for being able to convince them to do that in less than 10 minutes!” Haechan protested.

“Mark looked so traumatised,” Jaemin’s girlfriend chuckled as she attempted to stuff some pizza into her mouth.

“Not as traumatised as when he found me in his bed naked with a hot older woman,” Haechan wriggled his eyebrows.

Renjun slapped the back of his head.

“Ow!” Haechan shoved Renjun. “What the hell?”

“I don’t want to know the details, Haechan,” Renjun huffed.

“But I do!” Jaemin’s girlfriend grinned. Jaemin nodded and Renjun looked esaperatedly at them.

“Nothing happened. We had sex. We cuddled. Mark found us when he came to get his expensive bottle of whiskey and threw us out of his room.” Haechan shrugged. “Then she went to hang with her friends and Yang Yang and I thought of something fun to do. And that’s how you saw Lucas and Hendery naked.”

Renjun shook his head.

“Speaking of which, have you asked Yang Yang if he’d like to move in with us? We need to find someone for the spare room you know.” Jaemin said.

Haechan let out a dramatic sigh.

“He refuses to live in the same house as you!” he said dramatically, pointing to Jaemin’s girlfriend, who shrugged. It wasn’t surprising since she once dated Yang Yang but dumped him for Lucas. This was all before she dated Jaemin.

“I’m sure we’ll find someone.” Jaemin said.

“We might even have 2 empty rooms if Jeno keeps staying with his girlfriend.” Renjun sighed.

“If my girlfriend had a house like hers I’d stay there too instead of this junk of a place.” Haechan gesticulated to their crammed abode. “One day, I’ll make so much money, I’ll buy a house we ALL can stay in.”

The guys groaned, having heard this one too many times from Haechan.

“What? Don’t you want to become rich? There’d be so many things you can buy. The cars you could drive, the holidays you could go on...” Haechan defended himself.

“I don’t know about you. But I think you’re still high from the alcohol yesterday.” Jaemin said.

“Surprise!” Haechan said excitedly, uncovering Ally’s eyes.

She looked at the car before her, gleaming in the sunlight, looking all polished and new.

“Wow,” she said. “I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” he asked.

“That you raced.” she smiled looking at him.

“I don’t.”

“Then why do you need an expensive sports car?” she asked as they got into the car.

Haechan shrugged. “It’s cool i guess?”

“Cool? How? To whom?” she looked at him almost challengingly now.

For once, Haechan had no answers.

“Cool to me.” he finally said as he started the engine. “I want to be proud of what I drive.”

“But you’re still a student. How are you going to pay the car loans?” she asked, increasingly concerned.

“I got some money from investing.”

She almost heaved a sigh of relief. “So the car is fully paid?”

“I got enough for the downpayment and 3 months of instalments.”

She turned to him in shock.

“Haechan! You have to return this car! You can’t afford it!”

“But I’ll lose the down payment!” he whined.

“You can’t afford it!” she repeated, frowning. This date was sure taking a wrong turn.

“I’ll figure something out.”

“Like what?”

“Noona, trust me!” he pouted. She turned to look out the window, in a bit to be more measured with her words. He started to panic slightly. This wasn’t going well.

“You’re upset.” he said, softly.

“I’m not.” she said, equally gently, turning to look at him.. “I’m just… really disappointed.”

He was silent, focussing on the road, taking a right turn into the lane that would bring them to the beach. He really didn’t know what to say.

“Listen.” he finally said. “If you’ve changed your mind about getting to know me, I can understand. I can drop you off back home…”

She sighed, covering his mouth.

“Are you always this dramatic? I still want to know you even though you clearly have no clue what you’re doing with your money.”

He relaxed, wriggling his eyebrows. “You can’t resist this handsome face, can you?”

She burst out laughing.

They watched the sunset together. She made him feel relaxed. She asked him about college, about his family, about his life. He told her as much as he could. Occasionally she dropped little nuggets of information about herself, and he couldn’t believe how much in common they had. The strict upbringing. The rules they had to adhere to as children of religious parents.. The fun they had secretly with their friends. Their lives now.

“I don’t want to be an ordinary person,” Haechan said. “I want to be someone different. Someone people look up to.”

She chuckled.

“What about you, Noona?”

“I just want to live.” she said rather cryptically. He wanted to ask her what she meant, but her phone rang.

“My housemate forgot her house keys.” she said. “I need to go back.”

“Will you go out with me again?”

“I would like that.” she said, smiling. “I want to know everything about you.”

“The funny thing is,” he said, as he touched her cheek. “I feel as if I’ve known you forever.”

The news that Haechan and Ally were dating spread like wildfire, mostly because Haechan insisted on clinging on to her like a love sick puppy. Well, he was mostly there by her side to tease her, but it was also obvious that he had a huge crush on her. And because she was older than him some people found it entertaining to talk about.it. Yang Yang even started taking bets on how long it’d be before Ally would get sick of Haechan’s nonsense and start avoiding him.

“The thing is,” Jeno’s girlfriend May said. “They’re kind of cute together.”

“Oh come on! Haechan has the attention span of a 5 year old!” Renjun huffed. “I’m worried about her getting hurt.”

“I think you should worry about Haechan first. The thing with that car. What was he thinking?” Jeno shook his head. “Someone needs to talk some sense into him.”

“You know,” Jaemin grinned. “I think we found the right person to speak to him.”

They watched as Ally came into the cafeteria with Haechan in tow, teasing her about something she wasn’t very amused about. She glared at him and he smiled sweetly at her, before crushing her in an embrace.

“I feel so sorry for her.” Jeno muttered.

“Me too.” Renjun agreed.

“You guys don’t know what you’re talking about! I see a match made in heaven right there,” May said, clapping her hands.

She was working on her final year project when he visited her in the art studio. She looked happy to see him and got up immediately to plant a kiss on his cheek, since her coursemates had taken a break to go get some snacks and she was alone in the studio for the next 20 minutes at least.

Haechan looked at the painting she was working on. This was just a trial, to see if what she planned would come out good. If it worked, she was going to start on her piece next week.

“It’s beautiful,” he gasped.

“Thanks. I might make some tweaks.” she said, accessing her own work with a critical eye. “I don’t think it’s good enough.”

“What’s good enough?” he asked, clearly not agreeing with her.

She had no answers for him.

“I just feel...it’s not great.” she explained. “I pale in comparison with some of the rest.”

“Noona, what you feel isn’t necessarily reality. You keep saying you’re not good at art. In fact, you said it 3 times in the week I’ve known you. But I know a lot of people like Renjun who think you’re really talented.”

“Haechan…” she sighed. “You don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?” Haechan asked.

“I need to keep striving for perfection or I’ll never improve.” she said. “And I really need to do well enough for post grad.”

“Maybe there is a different way to strive for excellence.” he shrugged. “I have to go now. I have a lecture. Think about it, ok?”

She nodded her head, watching him leave after planting a kiss on her forehead. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she needed a new perspective on things. The past year had been a struggle. She never told anyone. And she was surprised Haechen noticed within a week..

When she first saw him across the room at the party, she could tell he was a smart and lively guy, and despite his initial awkwardness, he was turning out who she expected him to be, perhaps even more. Ok, his choice in automobiles was downright stupid. But beyond that, he was a sharp guy, and that made her more and more attracted to him. He noticed little things about her that she herself didn’t even notice, and the way he looked at her when they sometimes had their serious heart to hearts made her melt.

She just hoped she was able to challenge him to think of looking at things differently like how he was challenging her. She was very sure they were in each other’s lives for a reason, and she was excited to see where things would go.

[besanii]

shattered mirrors 63

WangXian ; 1431 words

[set before #20]

“Wei-gongzi, your attendance is required in the main hall.”

Both Wei Wuxian and Mo Xuanyu look up in surprise. The servant at the door is an unfamiliar one, tall and stony-faced, even though he wears the dark blue robes sported by all male servants of the Imperial Family. Behind him, however, stands Bai Hongsheng, Lan Wangji’s chief steward, who nods almost imperceptibly when their eyes meet, his mouth set in a tense line.

“Of course,” Wei Wuxian says, masking his wariness with an easy smile as he stands. “Please tell Wangye I will be there promptly.”

Lan Wangji had departed for the Imperial Palace less than one shichen ago—there is no way he would be back already—but neither the servant nor Bai Hongsheng correct him. They also make no move to leave the doorway. Wei Wuxian exchanges meaningful glances with Mo Xuanyu as he dons his thick winter cloak, a gift from Lan Wangji made of the warmest, finest fur.

“Come, A-Yu, we mustn’t keep Wangye waiting,” he says, nodding to the servant and then to Bai Hongsheng as he passes them. “Bai-zongguan.”

“Wei-gongzi.” Bai Hongsheng bows, and falls into step behind him as they walk towards the main hall. He lowers his voice to a murmur. “Taishi is here.”

Ah.

The wariness that had been lingering in the back of his mind grows. There is no way Lan Qiren does not know Lan Wangji is in the palace, and yet he is here, in Hanguang Manor, requiring Wei Wuxian to attend him. He has not seen the Imperial Tutor since he left Gusu in his youth, but he remembers the man as austere and unyieldingly principled, the paragon of the morality and values of the Imperial Family. He also remembers that the man had held no great love for him back then, as a ward of a neighbouring kingdom and a gentleman in his own right; he imagines he would love him even less now that he is not.

“Does Wangye know?” Wei Wuxian asks quietly.

“I have sent word to the palace already,” Bai Hongsheng replies. “Wangye should be home soon.”

“Thank you, Bai-zongguan, I owe you a great debt.” His breath forms a cloud of steam as he exhales. “I suppose there is no point in putting off this encounter any longer.”

Lan Qiren is seated at the front of the room when they enter the main hall, the place Lan Wangji usually occupies as the master of the house. He makes no move to stand or greet Wei Wuxian, does not look up from his tea or acknowledge his existence until Wei Wuxian sinks into a bow.

“Wei Wuxian greets Taishi,” he murmurs. He does not rise.

Lan Qiren sets down his teacup with a clink and a grunt.

“Raise your head,” he orders. His eyes are hard and flinty when Wei Wuxian complies, and he studies Wei Wuxian’s face closely. “So you are the one who claims to be Wei Wuxian.”

He doesn’t wait for Wei Wuxian’s reply before he continues.

“I have had people look into your past,” he says. “You made a name for yourself in the brothels of Qishan near the end of the war, becoming the most sought after courtesan—” he spits the word like a foul-tasting poison, “—in the kingdom before relocating to Runan. You stayed there only three months before relocating again to Baling, where you stayed six months. From there, you have worked in brothels all over the kingdoms until you arrived in Gusu one year ago.”

Wei Wuxian bows his head. “Taishi is correct. But as Taishi should be aware, I am originally from Yunmeng.”

Lan Qiren raises an eyebrow. “Even so, there is no record of you before Qishan. How can you prove you are indeed Wei Wuxian? Or if you are simply an imposter assuming his identity to get closer to Wangji and the Imperial Throne?”

Wei Wuxian raises his eyes to meet Lan Qiren’s.

“It is clear Taishi has already made up his mind about my identity,” he says. “What can I say to convince Taishi that I am Wei Wuxian?”

“Insolent,” Lan Qiren barks, slamming his hand down on the table. “A person of such low moral standards dares show such disrespect to a member of the Imperial Family?”

Wei Wuxian inclines his head, his own irritation simmering beneath the surface of the respectful gesture.

“Taishi would remember that I once argued that morality lies not in the action but in the circumstances behind it,” he says. “And that we should not be too quick to pass judgment on others if are not aware of the circumstances.”

Lan Qiren is the foremost scholar in all of Gusu, with an impeccable memory, and he instantly recognises Wei Wuxian’s words. He shoots to his feet, face pale and mouth falling open in shock; his hand clenches and unclenches where it is poised in mid-air, trembling as it points at Wei Wuxian’s face.

“You—you—!” he splutters. “You dare—!”

Wei Wuxian smiles grimly. “Taishi seems to recall something now.”

He watches Lan Qiren’s face change from ashen to puce as he draws himself up to his full height. Wei Wuxian is not a small person by any means, but he is not as physically strong as he used to be, and Lan Qiren has always had an imposing presence about him. The servants still in the hall—presumably from Lan Qiren’s own staff—immediately stand at attention on either side of Wei Wuxian, ready to move with one word from their master.

“I recall an impertinent child who spouted dangerous views that deviated from the good moral teachings upon which this Empire is built,” he says through gritted teeth. “I also recall him showing no acknowledgment of wrongdoing despite his punishment. I see this has not changed in this slightest.”

Wei Wuxian inclines his head, the smile never leaving his face.

“Then perhaps Taishi would allow me to be impertinent once again,” he says, which earns him a huff from Lan Qiren. “Is Taishi’s concern for Lan Zhan, or the Gusu Lan Empire?”

“They are one and the same,” Lan Qiren returns, tucking one hand against the small of his back as he looks at him. Wei Wuxian sees his own wariness reflected in the crease between his brows, in the tense set of his jaw. “Wangji is a pillar of the Imperial Family, the Emperor’s right hand, the very backbone of the Empire itself. Any harm that befalls him strikes at the heart of the Empire. I will not have him ruined in the hands of a courtesan.”

Wei Wuxian is glad for the heavy cloak and its fur lining that hides the way his hands begin to shake. The words, the sentiment, are not new—he has said them himself, many times, told Lan Wangji the very same thing over and over again—but somehow, hearing it now, does he truly appreciate the weight they hold. Lan Wangji has never just been Lan Wangji. He has always been, will always be, the Second Prince of Gusu Lan, the Emperor’s younger brother. His very existence, his choices, his actions, have a direct impact on the stability of the Empire, on the people’s belief in the Imperial Family. One wrong move could be used against them by their enemies, one moment’s weakness could destabilise centuries of peace.

“I hold no ill will against you, only the danger you present,” Lan Qiren says. “If you insist on staying with Wangji, you leave me with no choice but to take matters into my own hands.”

He raises his hand, and the servants close in on Wei Wuxian. Two of them grab his arms while another holds Mo Xuanyu at bay; their hands are rough, their grips firm and unyielding, and Wei Wuxian gasps at the sharp sting of pain as they wrench him backwards.

“Taishi!” Bai Hongsheng exclaims. “Perhaps it would be best to wait until Wangye—”

“Bai-zongguan,” Lan Qiren says sharply, cutting him off mid-protest. “You served the Imperial Family faithfully for over forty years. I trust you would know the clan rules better than anyone else in the room. Take him away.”

Wei Wuxian catches Bai Hongsheng’s eye as he is led away by the servants and shakes his head; the steward falls silent in understanding. A message has already been sent to the palace. Lan Wangji will be home soon. He bites back a hiss of pain and allows himself to be lead outside.

--

master post linked on sidebar!

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buy me a ko-fi: ko-fi.com/besanii

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This was originally meant to be more about the punishment, but this scene also begged to be written, so I’ll do the punishment scene next!

[dandylion240]

All of the story asks please :) (Character specific ones I'd say up to you, but would love to have them be Jonah/Cecil or my usual favorites ;) )

what’s the last screenshot you’ve taken for your story?

2. describe your story in three words or less

Family, Angst, Drama

3. describe (insert character here) in three words or less

Jonah - unassuming, brave sensitive

Cecil - insightful, supportive, caring

Evan - self-sacrificing, helpful, innocent

Jayden - protective, stubborn, active

4. how did you choose the name of your story?

I try to use titles that is kind of thematic of the story I'm writing. It takes me forever to come up with a name and sometimes the name changes multiple times before it gets posted.

5. how do you choose your characters’ names?

It depends upon the story. For my Reagan family stories (TS4) I use the parents names. It's kind of a family tradition. For instance Jonah/Ethan. All boys will start with E and the girls will start with J. In my TS3 stories I sometimes choose a theme for names and use that. Like next gen of NSQL the theme is nature.

6. how long have you been working on your story for?

Well it depends on the story. With my Reagans I started writing for them in the summer of 2019. For my TS3 legacies I started in 2014 I think.

7. whats the biggest risk you’ve taken with your story? did it pay off?

I think my biggest risk is my current story Into the Depths of Darkness. I wasn't sure I could pull it off and the story has changed from what I thought it would be and the hero of the story has changed from first conception. I'm happy that Jonah is the hero of his own story and it's given him so much character growth and he's becoming more of what I always invisioned him being. I owe a lot to @mahvaladara to how the story has progressed and the ideas she has contributed. It wouldn't be what it is without her.

8. what about your story are you proud of?

There are many things I'm proud. Mostly that I continue writing even though sometimes it feels like I'm ripping my heart out to write some of things I write about and also that I don't quit even when it's hard.

9. what about your story are you looking to improve on?

There's always things that can be improved. Writing is a process that the more you do it the more you learn and get better. I could say pictures but I'll admit the storytelling will always come first over pretty pics and sometimes I just can't find the right pose to fit. Maybe one day I'll be able to make my own poses but I'm not there yet.

10. is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? is there a definitive end?

It's a work in progress. I start writing from an outline of how I think the story should go but it's loose enough for me to rearrange things or remove/add things to it as the story evolves.

11. why have you decided to tell this story? are there any messages or meanings within it?

I just like to write. If there's any message in my stories it's that family is important and no matter awful things you might face in life if you have people who love and care for you that you can endure it. But mostly that you can rise above your circumstances and still be a healthy, functioning person despite everything even if you have a mental or health problems, you can still be happy, loved.

12. do you actually play the game or do you just use it as a storytelling medium?

It's mostly a storytelling medium for me. I do play it sometimes but tbh though TS4 lacks so much depth and gameplay I find it boring after a while. I've gotten into playing TS3 again now that I have a better computer that it doesn't lag as much.

13. from basic planning to a finished post, how long does that take you?

I don't honestly know. I've never stopped to consider how long it takes.

14. do you have any regrets about your story so far? if you could go back in time, how would you fix these?

No I don't think I have any real regrets. Sure I go back and think I could have written that better or edited that picture more but for the most part I'm happy with my stories.

15. what have been the highlights of creating your story?

The highlights have always been the people who become involved in my characters lives.

16. what about the process do you enjoy?

Seeing my stories come to life. How my characters change as the story progresses.

17. what about the process do you hate?

When I struggle to write a scene and it doesn't flow the way it should. It's generally because I'm coming at it wrong. Once I figure that out than it flows. Sometimes the seeming lack of interest in what I write from the readers is hard to overcome and I feel like quitting. But the few who comment I thank because that always revs up my motivation to continue.

18. choose a song that reminds you of your story

Just one song....that's really difficult say. There are so many songs out that fit my current story. This song fits Into the Depths of Darkness because where there's a lot of darkness there's still hope to be found.

19. choose a song that reminds you of (insert character here)

Ok I'll do this for Jonah - Fight Song

20. choose your favourite shot from your story so far

21. choose your least favourite shot so far

22. choose a favourite character from your story so far

Jonah is my baby. It may not show it by I love him.

23. choose your least favourite character so far

Hmm this is difficult because there were characters I created purely to be hated. Currently my least favorite is Ethan but it's not because I don't love him but it's because of his roll in the story.

24. are there any characters who remind you of yourself?

Not really. There are certain aspects of me in all my characters or people I know in them but none are an incert of myself.

25. what inspirations have you drawn on for your story?

There are so many. I draw inspiration from people around me. From movies and TV shows I watch. The books I read. Sometimes from the people I interact with on here mainly @izayoichan @mahvaladara @jenpants and @legendofsim They've let me bounce ideas off of them and their input helps me in my stories.

26. have other sim stories inspired you?

Yes they have. See above. All their stories have inspired me.

27. what genres would you describe your story as?

Modern fantasy drama??? I have no idea if that's a thing but it best describes what I write.

28. if you could reproduce your story in another medium (movie, novel, comic, etc.) what would you choose and why?

Hmm I'd say novel or maybe series. A movie would be cool too.

29. what would your story’s rating be? (G, PG, M etc.)

Hmm interesting I'd like to say its somewhere between PG-13 and mature just because of some of the topics.

30. if you were leaving simblr and had to choose another creator to continue the story for you, who would you ask?

I think either @izayoichan or @mahvaladara for my TS4 stories since they've helped me write some of them and they would keep true to the characters as they love them as much as I do.

For my TS3 stories I would say @legendofsim since for a long time our stories had been intertwined.

31. drop some random trivia about your story

Ethan was supposed to die trying to save Jonah

Caiden was supposed to have played the part of the hero instead of Jonah

Cory was going to heal Jonah's broken heart over the of Ethan.

But as they say the story changed...

32. give a light spoiler

Someone will be heartbroken at the end of the story.

33. recommend another creator’s story!

There are so many: @izayoichan @mahvaladara @nikatyler @justkeeponsimming @amuhav @legendofsim @simlit @lilyshadowwriter @wannabecatwriter

Please don't be upset if you weren't listed on here. I love everyone I follow but these are my favorites. I have others but some aren't active anymore and stuck with the ones I'm always waiting for the next installment, even if I'm behind on a few of them.

Thank you for asking!

[glassesandkim]

I would like to say my piece here about schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom and it’s really for my own self-indulgence and benefit. I’m not asking for you to agree with me or even begin to understand what I’m going on about. I don’t even think half the things that I think about for this fandom exists on an important level. I fully believe in just ~vibin’~ to your own tune when it comes to participating in fandom spaces.

so this post is gonna be my way of getting stuff off my chest so i can continue to ~vibe~

First thing I’d like to address is: I know. I know the Nico Kim that I love and adore is not the Nico Kim in canon. He is who I hope he is in canon. But there’s not much to combat or support that he is or isn’t. He really could be who we’ve made up in fanon for him and at the same time, he really couldn’t. Grey’s created this character that is as blank as a dried piece of toast. So forgive me if I spread a bit of spicy jam here and there so I can swallow this bland shit down a little easier. 

So when people come to me to say, “Y’all are delulu and out of your mind to love this guy this much.” PLEASE, I know. This isn’t news, honey. I am well aware.

But I will continue to justify, romanticize, and put this boy on a pedestal for as long as his existence in canon continues to remain arbitrary and vague. And it makes me very biased to a fault but I have put too much time and energy into this character NOT to be. 

And then you might ask, why have I put so much of my time and life (THREE YEARS!!!! I’VE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!) into this character that has all but said maybe like a PAGE of dialogue at most? 

Because I was conned into it. Because they marketed the shit out of him when Alex Landi got the part. And I, as a casual viewer of Grey’s since I was in high school (I’m in my late 20s now, dawg) and of Asian descent was promised representation. Not just Asian rep, but queer rep. 

So naturally, I got extremely attached. It's not everyday a major Western mainstream prime time medical drama chooses to create a character as unique as Nico's. 

I spent so much time here. I was here when fandom decided Nico would call Levi “babe”. I was here when we all clowned that Nico didn’t know Levi’s first name. I was here when Josh died and the fandom went up in arms with pitchforks and stakes against Nico. I was here for all of it. I've seen it all. 

And unfortunately, seeing it all, makes me tired. Grey’s is time and time again proving to me that they don’t give a shit about the development and well-being of their existing characters at all. The show only cares about collecting diversity points and performing their wokeness to the general masses. (I talk a lot about how grey's is plot-driven vs. character-driven.) 

I will still get frustrated and annoyed at Nico’s lack of character development. But I mostly just laugh at the fandom nowadays. I know you guys want to fight the fight, tell everyone Nico is not toxic!!!!!! But bros, friends, lovers, it’s a tried and tired fight. 

Grey’s wants us to think Nico is a Bad Boyfriend. It’s as clear as the stench one comes across when they step on dog shit. That’s why I think it’s useless to fight people about Nico. Grey’s gets amnesia all the time. Grey’s forgot the whole season and half they invested in creating a loving boyfriend for Levi and up and changed Nico’s personality to fit a new narrative (that they, quite frankly, failed to even follow through because of covid and other filming hoopla hula hoops they’ve had to jump through that I’ve been informed of and which I simply don’t care for). 

So all this ~schmico is endgame!!! we deserve it!!!~ Binches, I have better things to fight for than schmico endgame. What’s the alternative? Levi lives in Jo’s closet forever? They’re going to be together in the end no matter what. Nobody on that show cares enough about Nico OR Levi to set up new relationships and stories for them. So don’t fret, my friends. They’ll be together in the end. It just comes down to the question of what stupid story they’re going to come up with for them to be together. (And might I argue that they already are together???) 

Speaking of the bogus story they’re going to write for schmico: you bet my rice eating, Chinese-speaking ass, that it’s not going to be a story written from a queer and poc perspective. It’s going to be some gag-worthy straight het story but made gay. (How many times do I have to hear, "I hope Nico comes out to his parents!!" NO, HE DOESN'T! Do you know how VIOLENT coming out is sometimes?? It's not a solution to Nico's problems with Levi. It's an introduction and invitation to problems over being queer -- but why would I expect anyone, let alone Grey's, to understand that prepetuating these types of stories is inherently damaging to queer people? They wouldn't know. The cishet fandom wouldn't know. Because no one is writing grey's in a queer, poc centric way.)

Which drives me to the next point: you know why Nico doesn’t get character development even though he showed up at the same time as Link? Because of ✨racism ✨. Because Link is a more conventional character (read: white) that is easier to write because nobody on this show knows how to write an Asian character anymore, let alone a gay Asian character. So of course, nobody wants to touch that shit even with a pogo stick. (Argue with me that Cristina exists and I will tell you, yes she did, but they RARELY touched upon her cultural and ethnic background. Also it was the early 2000s. Cristina was as ground breaking as it got for us Asians back then.)

And then because Nico isn’t developed enough, we have the weird phenomenon of people shipping everyone and their dog with Levi and it’s like, y’all know you got played by the racism game, right? You are hostages to this system that has taught you that white men are more desirable and deserving of story and humanity than a poc character who is instead, reduced to nothing but sex appeal and if he’s not doing well on that front, then he’s useless.

How many times does Levi say: Nico is so hot! Sex with Nico is so good! He’s a roman statue!

All!! the!! time!! Nico's worth to Levi’s character is to be the sex object that Sets Him Free. 

Which plays into the sexualization of Asian people which all comes from, you guessed it! Racism! (Levi really compared Nico to a fucking lifeless slab of stone.)

(Side note: I do think talking about how racism plays into Nico’s character and the fandom space is important and probably a separate post. I’m happy to write my opinion piece on it if it’s something people want.) 

But anyway, those are just some of my qualms with schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom. I do not expect anyone to fully agree with me and I’m not asking the fandom to change or apologize or whatever. I’m just already grateful if you took the time to even read this post. 

I’ll leave with some parting advice: fandom is what you make of it. We won’t all agree with everyone’s hot takes, but that’s the beauty of it, yeah? So I chose to create this version of Nico Kim that brings me IMMENSE joy. Like, A LOT!!! I love this fandom for these reasons. I’m grateful everyday for the friends I’ve made and the works and creations I’ve created and I’m honoured to be able to consume other works made by fellow fans. 

I might hate a lot of things about grey’s and schmico, but I really owe a lot of myself to this fandom. 

[erin-bo-berin]

Growing Family

MASTERLIST

Woo I’m finally back to writing some! It feels like it’s been a lot longer than it actually has since I’ve posted a new fic. I hate to disappoint, but this is just fluffy daddy Spencer today, but I am working on a few new smuts that should be coming up next so stay tuned for those! Also shout out to @velventeenaries for coming up with some of the lines Rossi said when we were having a convo on this situation. Thus, the inspiration for this fic was born. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: G (fluff)

Word Count: 2,557

“Penny G at your service, how may I help you?”

You smiled at the familiar female voice that came through the speakers of your car.

“Hey Penelope,” you said.

“Y/N! My favorite non-BAU chica! What can I do for you, today?”

You chuckled knowing good and well the chipper, eccentric and kind hearted blonde was most likely swinging in her chair, twirling a feathery pen in her hands as you spoke.

“I was just curious if the rest of the team was back yet? If so, I wanted to swing by before heading home. I just got out of my doctor’s appointment.”

“Please tell me you have ultrasound pics!” Penelope’s voice grew in excitement.

“That I do,” you grinned.

“Okay, good. Yes, they’re here and you better be here in 5 minutes or less or I will hunt you down for those pictures. PG out.”

You shook your head, exasperated by the usual antics of Penelope Garcia. She was basically the fairy godmother tech analyst of the Behavioral Analysis Unit—the department of the FBI where your husband Spencer worked.

Just recently in the last few months, you and Spencer had found out you were pregnant. Being that it was yours and his first baby, the excitement was unreal but it wasn’t just limited to the two of you. The rest of the BAU were just as excited too.

Garcia was maybe on another level of excitement though. She was already planning on things to buy for the newest BAU baby. It had been almost four years since a new little bundle of joy had arrived within the extended BAU family. Rose Mary Simmons, the fifth and final child of team member Matt Simmons and his wife Kristy, was no longer a baby. She was speeding towards four and would be starting kindergarten in only a year and a half.

“You know I love all my godsons and goddaughters,” Penelope had told you, not long after you and Spencer had announced your happy event, “But I need more baby love in my life and thank God you’re having a baby. I will happily babysit any time you want.”

“Oh, Garcia,” you snickered to yourself, thinking back on the memory as you maneuvered your car through the busy D.C. traffic.

As you’d told Garcia, you’d just gone to your latest doctor’s appointment. You were about 15 weeks along and already showing more than you expected to, which peaked your curiosity. If you were to guess, you could easily pass for 5 almost 6 months pregnant, not barely 4.

You had planned to ask the doctor at today’s appointment if she was sure it wasn’t twins. You had a strong feeling it was. Being only 15 weeks though, you’d only had one prior ultrasound around 7 weeks—not long after you’d discovered your pregnancy and even then, the ultrasound had revealed only one heartbeat. Typically, an expectant mother didn’t have another ultrasound until around 20 weeks, obviously to determine the sex, but your doctor thought it best to check. If anything, it was possible that you were just carrying further forward than usual. According to Spencer—and the many times he’d told you this—it was extremely possible it was just the way your body carried pregnancy. You knew well enough that bump sizes varied greatly.

You’d hoped Spencer could join you for today’s appointment—one that had been scheduled last month—but unfortunately, he’d been away on a case with the team and was on the way home.

You told him you could easily reschedule, but he heard nothing of it.

“You’re going today. Just to make sure little one is okay. You can show me the pictures when we’re back,” he’d said to you, earlier that morning, over the phone.

You’d reluctantly agreed.

But now, you couldn’t help but smile at the little secret you had.

•

“There she is!” Garcia squealed, running towards you practically the moment you stepped foot out of the elevator.

“Hey, Penelope,” you smiled, embracing your friend.

“How are we feeling?” she grinned, pulling away to rub your bump, “Is it twins like you thought?”

You chuckled, knowing Garcia wasted no time in getting to the point.

“Well, about that…” you took her arm, walking with her into the doors of the BAU.

-

You’d filled Garcia in on the way towards the briefing room where most of the team had settled for the time being, just trying to relax after the trip home. If her huge smile was any indicator, Spencer would know before you could even get the words out.

“Whoa! If it isn’t baby mama Reid,” Luke grinned, coming to give you a brotherly side hug, “Wow, you’re enormous.”

Garcia’s eyes widened, swinging an arm out to hit Luke’s chest—hard.

“Ow! Uh enormously beautiful I mean. You’re glowing,” he tried to cover.

“Nice save,” you laughed, heading over to your husband, who was anxiously awaiting to wrap his arms around you.

“You idiot,” you heard Penelope mumble to Luke, “You never tell a pregnant woman how big they are.”

You bit back a laugh and melted into Spencer’s embrace. He’d been gone for almost a week and you’d missed him, a lot.

“Hi, baby,” he grinned, picking you up as he hugged you.

You bent your legs slightly as you were lifted a few inches off the ground and hugged his neck, tightly.

“Soon you won’t be able to do this,” you laughed, then waved to the rest of the team in the room, “Hi guys.”

You patted Spencer’s shoulder lightly.

“Spence, set me down long enough so I can say hi to everyone and not be rude,” you laughed.

He obliged with a grin, giving a quick pat to your bump and you went to hug Tara, JJ and Matt.

“What’d you find out?” JJ asked, “Spence mentioned you had a doctor’s appointment today.”

“Well…” you trailed off, nervously.

“Is the baby okay?!” Spencer asked, his face morphing into panicked concern, his brows furrowed.

“Everything’s fine,” you reassured quickly, “But it’s not just a baby,” you said hesitantly.

His eyebrows rose, looking shocked.

“It’s twins?”

“Not exactly,” you laughed hesitantly, “We’re having triplets.”

Spencer looked as shocked as you felt when the technician had told you the same news. To know you weren’t growing one baby but three.

He stood for a second, blinking at you in surprise. You were about to say something when you suddenly realized how pale he was. He swayed on his feet before falling backwards.

“Spence!”

“Spencer!”

“Reid!”

Everyone shouted at once, your shriek of his name probably the loudest. They all moved into action at once as you stood horrified, afraid something was terribly wrong.

Luckily, Matt had been quick enough to catch Spencer before he hit the ground. With he and Luke on either side, they managed to sit him in one of the chairs, his head lolling back.

“Is he okay? What’s wrong?” you asked, quickly at his side, not knowing exactly what to do.

“He’s fine, he just passed out, that’s all,” Tara reassured you.

You nodded in relief, taking a seat in a chair next to him, taking his hand. 

There was a commotion at the door and you looked over, seeing David Rossi running in—unit chief Emily Prentiss on his heels.

“What’s all the noise about?” Rossi asked, eyeing Spencer, “What happened?”

“Spencer fainted and Y/N’s having triplets!” Garcia exclaimed.

Rossi’s eyes flickered to Spencer once again.

“Nah, kid’s just sleeping. Making up for the next 18 years of it he’s gonna lose.”

“Dave,” Emily sighed, exasperated, coming over to bend down and hug you.

“Congrats,” she grinned, “Not only are you having triplets, but you’re the only person that’s made Spencer faint.”

You laughed a bit.

“Definitely wasn’t my intention.”

“He’ll be fine,” Rossi waved a hand.

Just as he said that, a groaning came from your right and you looked over, to see Spencer stirring.

“What did I tell you?” Rossi said, coming over to give his congratulations with a big smile.

“Bouna fortuna,” he grinned, giving you a kiss on each cheek.

“What happened?” Spencer groaned, his hand slipping from your grip to rub at his eyes.

“You just got the shock of your life, kid,” Rossi snickered.

“The last thing I remember is you saying triplets and everything went black,” Spencer said.

“Yeah, you fainted,” you tried to hold back your grin and failed.

“Are we really having triplets?” Spencer asked, eyes wide once again.

“I’m afraid we are,” you grinned.

His look of surprise quickly turned into one of excitement. He grabbed your face, kissing you hard, not caring about kissing you in front of the others. The rest of the team whistled, clapped and laughed, their joy just as huge as your own.

Rossi’s following remark made Spencer pull away from your lips and laugh. Your mouth curved upwards and joined him.

“Don’t forget! David is a great name for a boy!”

•

Everyone was gathered at your baby shower. You had been speechless when you first saw the amount of stacked diapers and wipes—along with at least 5 diaper cakes from different team members. You were sure that those would last maybe a week or two with three babies to change.

“Kid, come on! We’re a family! I’ll be grandpa Dave! We can get matching shirts that say Big Dave and Little Dave!”

You laughed, overhearing Rossi’s exclamations to Spencer, all the way from the food table.

Months had passed and your belly had grown exponentially. You could hardly believe that your body was capable of carrying three precious little babies.

Even though your belly was covered in stretch marks, your back hurt and your feet were swollen, you couldn’t be happier. You and Spencer would soon start a new chapter in your lives—a scary one, albeit exciting one too.

Only a few weeks after your reveal of the babies to Spencer and the BAU team, the two of you had discovered you were welcoming two girls and one boy. Ever since then, Rossi had been hounding you about naming the baby after him.

Unbeknownst to him, you and Spencer had already picked out names and were going to surprise Rossi after they were born. But due to his current banter with Spencer, you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold the secret for any longer.

“Rossi,” you grinned, very much waddling over to the two men, “You're incorrigible.”

“I know. It’s the Italian in me,” he replied, nonchalantly.

“Well, much to Spencer’s dismay I’m sure, you’ll be happy to know you’re getting your wish,” you said.

Rossi looked stunned for a moment. You were positive this was the only time in the years you’d known him that he’d ever been stunned speechless like this.

“We decided to name our son David Gabriel Reid,” Spencer beamed, “We didn’t want to cause any confusion on names, so we’re going to call him Gabriel, but he can still be your little Dave if you want.”

It finally looked like it had sunk in when Rossi pulled both you and Spencer into a big hug, smiling bigger than you’d ever thought possible.

“That’s perfectly fine by me,” he grinned, kissing the tops of yours and Spencer’s heads, “I’m gonna teach him to play ball and how to cook spaghetti carbonara.”

“Don’t forget, you’ll have two little girls to deal with too,” Spencer laughed.

“Oh don’t you worry. They’ll learn how to cook and drop kick anyone who even looks at them the wrong way,” Rossi smirked.

“That, I don’t doubt,” you snickered.

“Speaking of,” Tara asked, popping up in the conversation, “When are you going to tell us what you’re naming your three little geniuses?”

“Yeah, I wanna know too,” Luke piped in, also walking up to the now small gathering.

JJ, Matt, Emily and Penelope followed behind him.

“Well if you didn’t catch it before, Baby A—the boy—is going to be David Gabriel,” Spencer beamed, “After the best father figure, mentor, co-worker, friend and member of this crazy BAU family. I couldn’t think of a better name to give my son.”

There were cheers all around as everyone lifted their glasses of champagne—apple juice for you—and clinked them together in celebration. You couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across your face to see how happy it made the well known, lovable, David Rossi.

“What about the girls’ names though?” Emily asked once the noise had settled down.

“Well there’s a bit of a backstory to that before we tell you the names,” Spencer began.

“We chose Gabriel’s name together because we already knew we wanted to actually make part of his name after Rossi, but we each picked a name, separately. One for each girl. Spencer decided on a name for baby B and I, baby C.”

“It’s also kinda funny what we both came up with,” Spencer interjected.

“Before the babies are born, kid!” Rossi said, “What are the names?”

“Baby B is Abrielle Jade—a name Y/N said she wanted to name a little girl on our very first date.”

Luke whistled.

“I’d be surprised that you remembered that but then again, you’re you.”

“Believe me, I’d forgotten I’d told him that, myself,” you chuckled.”

“And the other little girl is?” JJ prompted.

“Spensa Rae,” you said, looking at Spencer, a twinkle in your eye, “I wanted to name her after her daddy in some way, but it’s unique enough to be her own name as well. Rae is after my grandmother, too.”

“Those are the cutest names!” Garcia squealed, “Perfect timing time to give you my present for little Gabriel, Abrielle and Spensa then.”

She hobbled off in a partial run—not able to move too fast because of the grass in the backyard and her high heels—and grabbed three gift bags. She came back, handing them to you.

“Open it, open it!” she beamed.

You laughed at her excitement, pretty excited yourself. You handed one bag to Spencer as you reached into one bag, then the second, pulling out two matching onesies.

You looked over to see Spencer pulling out a third matching onesie from the gift bag you’d given him.

“Read the front,” Penelope beamed.

Opening one, you saw it read Rossi’s Sous Chef #2.

You laughed, opening the other which had the exact same thing printed on the front, but instead of the number 2, there was a number 3. 

You peered at the one in Spencer’s hands, finding number one. 

“Penelope, these are great!” you laughed, showing Rossi the outfits.

“These babies are going to be so loved,” Spencer smiled demurely, his eyes shining bright with tears.

“They will have plenty of people to love them,” Tara said with a bright smile.

“Lots of arms to hold them and cuddle them,” Luke added.

“Hands to help change diapers,” JJ piped in.

“Lots of kisses and bedtime stories,” Rossi said.

“Plenty of kids to play with them,” Matt chuckled.

“And a godmother to spoil them!” Garcia beamed.

“It’s not just your little family growing,” Emily smiled, coming to stand in between you and Spencer, wrapping an arm around each of you.

She looked around at the team that filled the backyard on this wonderful, summer evening, all gathered to celebrate the miracle of life.

“It’s our BAU family growing, too.”

TAG LIST: @dreatine​ @reid-187​ @groovyreid​ @reidslibra​ @iamburdened​ @cindywayne​ @sundippedprincess​ @missprettyboy​ @hushlilbabydoll​ @sammy-jo1977​ @haileymorelikestupid​ @lemonypink​ @teamkiall​ @redbullchick​ @ifeelloved​ @one-sweet-gubler​ @nanocoool​ @delightfullyspeedyearthquake​ @unsteadyimagines​ @ughitsbaby​ @inkwiet​ @pennythetechgoddess​ @capt-engr-ssa​ @sixx-sic-sixx​ @spencersdolore @reidsstudies​ @disney-dreams-world​ @chocolatecalzoneherringbonk @mggwhore​ @andiebeaword​ @cupcake525​ @be-the-bravest​ @gretaamyk​ @hopebaker​ @prisonreid​ @httpnxtt​ @daviddoughboy​ @pastathighs​ @marvels-gurl​ @blushingspencer​ @simp-for-mgg​ @victorzsaszmydaddy​ @inlovewithamess @im-inlovewith-mycar​ @xshakesqueerx​ @queenofmischief​ @mattgraygubler​ @yeah-its-jackk​ @itsarayofsunshine​ @alexisparmentier @la-vie-en-amour1​ @pinkdiamond1016​ @itsmytimetoodream​ @saintd0lce​ @cherryxblossoms​ @jessaminelovelace​ @rainsong01​

[reids-chop-stick]

My Love and I

Chapter 4

Summary: Y/N had been in love with Spencer Reid for years, but what she didn’t know was that he loved her too. Will their past traumas separate them, or will they fight through it and end up together?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 1276

As soon as you got back to the BAU Garcia was waiting for the team, like she always does. She always missed you guys when you were gone, especially the girls.

"We have to have a ladies night ASAP, it's been way too long" She told you, Emily, and JJ

"I agree, I say any night but tonight though" You laughed

You were all pretty tired from the case, while it wasn't a horrible one, you were still tired. You all decided that the next night worked for everyone, so you would get together then.

Hotch sent everyone home and told you guys to be back by 9 am tomorrow to work on some paperwork. Everyone was very relieved and headed out the door.

On the way to your car Spencer stopped you.

"Hey! So we're back..." He said shyly

"That we are" You giggled

"So do you maybe want to go furniture shopping this weekend?"

"Well somebody's excited to hang out with me" You said sarcastically

"I- well- I just know you said you needed to go-"

"Spencer it's okay, I was only kidding, this weekends perfect!"

"Okay well um how about we meet at my apartment Saturday around 1 and we can go together?"

"That sounds great!"

"Alright it's a date! I mean- not a date- but you know-"

"I got it Spencer" You chuckled

"Okay, well goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow" he smiled

"I'll see you tomorrow Spencer"

You got in your car with the biggest smile on your face. Why was he so damn adorable all the time? You could barely pull yourself together, and you giggled to yourself the whole way home.

When you got inside your apartment you threw the clothes from your go bag in the washer and then headed to take a shower. You grabbed a T-shirt and some sweatpants and got in. After your shower you got in your bed, read some of your book, and scrolled on your phone for a while before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning you woke up around 8:00, got dressed, and stopped to get some breakfast on your way to work. When you arrived at Quantico you hopped out with your coffee and breakfast sandwich and headed inside. You caught up with Derek on the way in and you guys rode the elevator together up to the bullpen.

"Hey babygirl, how're you feelin?"

"Good, it felt nice to actually get some sleep" you laughed

"Yeah, I agree. What are you up to after work?"

"We're having a BAU ladies night"

"Oooo how fun" he teased

"Oh you bet...take out, movies, drinks, the whole 9 yards"

"Well I hope you ladies have fun" he said right as the doors opened

"Fun with what?" Penelope asked walking by the elevator

"Oh I was just telling Derek Morgan here about our wild plans for tonight" You responded, winking at Derek

JJ walked up right as you said that with some not great news, "Actually, we're going to have to post pone our girls night, Will is out of town and I couldn't find a sitter"

"JJ!" You and Penelope both yelled

"I know I know, I'm sorry it was just so last minute and I thought we would be good to go, but turns out I was wrong"

At that point Derek had walked away because he didn't want to be intruding on your conversation, but you had an idea.

"What if Derek and Spencer watched the kids? Spencer owes me after he lost that bet last month, and Derek could keep him company?"

"Ooo yes! Do that!" Penelope said

"I mean I guess it wouldn't hurt, Spencer has kept an eye on them before, and if he does owe you..." JJ responded

The 3 of you walked over to Derek and Spencer who were chatting at Spencers desk.

You walked up to Spencer with a grin on your face, he immediately knew you were up to something, "Oh my, what is it?"

"So you remember last month when I said you couldn't go a day without telling me any random fun facts you knew, and you lost within the first 20 minutes?"

"Yes, I remember" he sighed

"Well it's time to pay up, will you watch the boys so we can have our ladies night? Morgan could do it with you so you're not alone?"

"That's not the worst thing you could have me do, so yes I will babysit for you, but keep in mind, this is it. No "oh you only did one little thing" this is your reward"

"I'm perfectly fine with that, thank you Dr. Reid" you teased

"You're welcome" he said as you and the girls walked away

It didn't take long to finish up your paperwork and you were out of there by 4. You ran home, changed into comfier clothes, packed a bag, and headed to Garcia's.

You were in charge of the movie, so you headed to the local video store and picked out some of your favorite classic chick flicks. When you got there Emily was already there hanging out with Garcia and you were just waiting on JJ who was picking up the Chinese food.

"Ooo what did you get?!" Garcia asked

"Oh you know just the classics, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, She's the Man, and The Notebook" you responded

"Well shoot, which one are we gonna watch first?" Emily asked sarcastically

"Hey I know you're not a big chick flick girl, but these are classics! You have to see them at least once in your lifetime!" Garcia said

Right after she finished JJ walked in.

"Food!" You shouted

"Yes yes, it's here, and I'm starving, so let's eat" JJ said

You all sat around talking, Garcia grabbed some glasses and Emily poured some of the wine she brought. You all finished up your food and sat there talking.

"So Y/N, you and Spence huh?" JJ asked

"Oh yes, how's that going?" Emily laughed

"You guys, it's not funny! You know I still like him, I have for the last few years, nothing has stopped it. Not even dating other guys. I just need to accept that it's never going to happen" you responded

"Well now why would you say that? Do you see the way he looks at you? He is completely infatuated with you but you are so blind to see it just because you are scared of him rejecting you" Garcia told you

"That is simply not true!" You responded

Emily started, "Oh yes it is Y/N, there's no other reason you should be scared to tell him if that wasn't the case"

"Well it's just after everything that happened with Maeve, I don't think he's ready for a new relationship"

"Well lucky for you, that's not your decision, it's his. It's been years, I'm sure if he found the right person..." JJ said nudging you

"And I'm the right person?" You asked

"You could be, but you won't know unless you try" Garcia said

You spent the rest of the night eating popcorn, drinking and watching movies, all while thinking over the conversation you just had with the girls. Could he like you? Could he be ready for another relationship? Could he want another relationship? You just didn't know. But you were also extremely scared to ask him about it, so you decided not to. You would just wait it out and hope that he confessed he had feelings for you. Even though you knew he would never do that, it was fun to think about the idea of it.

[throwaninkpot]

Notes from the Return of the Thief launch party Q&A with MWT!

• (I meant to keep a Not Telling tally but I got distracted by all the good words Megan put together.)

EDIT: A VOD of the stream has been posted here!

• It took 20 minutes into the event to get the first Not Telling, and everyone was astonished it wasn't sooner.

• She referenced the Not Telling shirt made for her by @queensandkingsofattolia ! She wasn't wearing it, but she did have her Not Telling socks, which she would put on her hands and hold up to the camera.

• She talked about how she doesn't like suspense as a reader. She always wants the stories to get to the point instead of dragging on, so in writing, she puts light scenes in to break up the suspense. She doesn't always know what those scenes will be, she just has a feel for what's needed there. One example is when Sophos and the magus are traveling to Attolia in aCoK, when they eat the chicken. "We eat the chicken now!" was a scene that made her happy while she wrote it.

• She was asked to explain the gods and how the different pantheons work with each other, and said she never wants to explain the gods. She doesn't want them to be cut-and-dry or understandable.

• Asked about writing such complex, ruthless characters and making them likeable.

Alex (mod): Do you think [the POV characters] good? Megan: *silently presents Not Telling socks*

• Said that if you're going to spend so much time in a characters head, there has to be some part of them that you and the readers will like. And there are some people whose heads she didn't want to be in. Even the ruthless ones making terrible decisions, she does like. "Nahuseresh? Not so much."

Alex: *says something about how they've never encountered books with more poker face than QT* Megan: *big ol' grin*

• Talking about how these books have so many layers and so much suspense, Megan said a lot of that is owing to the fact it's a series and she needed to be consistent, she couldn't switch the style of it or tone halfway through. When she writes the next thing, it might be a whole different kind of book. She'll have to see whether that was just sonething distinctive to QT, or that's what she naturally gravitates towards writing.

• She mentioned that she isn't fond of 1st person narrative, and the chat collective raised a single eyebrows at the irony.

• In fact, TaT was written in 3rd person at first. But she realized that wasn't working so she scrapped that and rewrote the whole thing, bc it needed to be Kamet who was telling us the story.

• She pronounced Kamet as "Kam-et".

• When talking about the details in her books and how they go into logistics, she brought a book onto camera called Alexander the Great and the Logistics of the Macedonian Army by Donald W. Engles. It heavily influenced the way she wrote about war and the politics thereof in QT.

• The Thief was partly inspire by a conversation she had with a young relative back during the Bush administration when Kuwait was invaded. The young relative didn't understand what the U.S. was doing in the middle east when we had so many problems to focus in our own country, and Megan explained that we weren't involved in that conflict out of the goodness of our hearts, but bc they had resources we wanted. (The way she phrased it, you could hear the magus talking to the boys in The Thief, and it gave me shivers.) And she realized, kids don't see that side of war in stories. Armies are always fighting Sauron and the forces of evil, and acting out if their own self-interests against people who might not be all bad.

• And thus, The Queen's Thief spiraled jnto existence.

• Why does she choose to write about disability and illness the way she does? Rosemary Sutcliff. Sutcliff was disabled for most of her life, and this reflected in the stories she told. Megan recalls Warrior Scarlet as the first book that challenged her as a kid to think about disability and illness as a natural part of life, and to question who gets to be at the center of the story. Who gets to be the hero? Who gets to be the hero of an adventure story? Why shouldn't characters dealing with illness or disability be those heros?

• TaT was a direct response to Sutcliff's novel Eagle of the Ninth, where an earnest young Roman soldier has these great plans for his life that get toppled when he is injured in his first battle and can no longer serve.

Megan: Costis checks every box for earnest young guy!

• In Eagle, there is a slave who travels with the protagonist and is freed by him at the end as part of the protagonist's journey. It was important to tell TaT from Kamet's point of view so that it was about him. "He is never an object of a quest, always a person."

• Megan has never read The Aeneid.

• She recommends Lavinia by Ursula K. Le Guin, which tells The Aeneid from a different POV.

• On writing process: She doesn't outline. When she has a book idea, she first tells it as a story by cornering her husband and telling him the whole thing with plenty of hand gestures. After that, she does a "sketch". She writes down the shape of the story, plotlines and characters, which is usually half the length of the finished book. Then she fleshes it out, and cuts and adds and cuts snd adds until she has pretty much a whole book, and then she edits again to cut everything that doesn't absolutely need to be there.

• She says it's important to remember you can't fix everything in one draft. You just need to focus on 20 or so things at a time, and then on the next pass you can focus on 20 other things.

• On keeping characters straight: "It's very crowded in my head." She doesn't focus so much on remembering exactly what she has written about a character before, but knowing who the character is so that she knows how they would react in whatever new situation she is writing them in.

Megan: Okay, Costis. I know this guy, I know what he's going to do. He's going to punch that guy in the face and it will be very embarrassing.

• A lot of people asked about the vampires referenced in The Thief and if they were real. She's not telling.

• Someone *cough*me*cough* Asked if she was planning a spin-off series about Eddisian vampires falling in love. "Never say never, but it's probably unlikely."

Alex: What happened to Ornon's sheep? Megan: Guys....guys......I have to put on another sock, come on, guys! *digs for her Not Telling socks and holds them up*

• On worldbuilding: You have to break with reality. It's great to research the process of how to retin pans! Adding details like that can enrich your story, but you can also add things that wouldn't have been possible in the real world. Like, pocket watches and window glass and printing presses all at the same time. The made up details also make your story richer.

Megan: Cut the research and tell a good story!

• On myths: She never writes the myths first. When she was writing The Thief, she would make a new line and type "[Myth Here]" and then go on with the rest of the story and cone back to that later.

• She recommends Ancient Near East Texts by James B. Pritchard for some good myths!

• What she likes best about DWJ: The Audacity(tm). DWJ would write about the most bizarre things very casually.

Megan: Her stories had a "hold my beer" quality.

• She told the story about hiw DWJ got her published (Alex: "She had good taste") and trying to send DWJ the advanced copy of aCoK before she died, but those stories have been retold elsewhere before so I won't bother with them now.

• Megan wore lovely, lovely earrings! And at the beseechment of the chat, she showed them to the camera and told us they were made by @freenarnian

• Finally, the winner of the trivia party was granted the honor of asking a question on camera, and Megan benevolently said she would not cry Not Telling on whatever was asked.

• Margaux, the winner, asked what the age difference was between Dite and Irene, and if they had grown up together.

• After a REAL long pause, Megan said that she didn't think they had grown up together. Irene is younger than Dite, and she was too busy, and I quote, "killing people." Her childhood ended early and she didn't have time to be a kid. Besides that, they wouldn't have been allowed to hang out in Attolian society, bc she was a girl and he was a boy. They were probably introduced to each other atvevents, but that was it.

• Also: Dite is pronounced "Die-tee".

• She has more events like this planned in the future!!!!! Keep an eye on her tumblr!!!!!

• EDIT: @whataliethatwas made a transcript of the event!