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imagine-you · 2 years

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Living As Foes (4/11) [Eddie Munson/Reader]

Summary: It only takes you one week to realize Eddie Munson hates you. It only takes you one year to fall in love with him. Go figure.

Word Count: 3.5k

Author's Note: Based on a prompt I received: "ok random idea because eddie seems like a bug flirt but when he has a legit crush hes hopeless so reader is so confused because eddie flirts with everyone except her"

Thank you to everyone for your patience. I've been so exhausted lately. But please know I haven't abandoned this or any of my fics. Also, this is now a fix-it fic. Because I have to.

May 1985:

As May rolled in, your anxiety only tripled. You knew you were sure to graduate, but you couldn't help but think that until you walked across that stage and grabbed your diploma, you would worry that something would get in the way of it.

You tried to force yourself into a routine that would get you through the end of your senior year.

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Get dressed. Drive your sister to school. Go to school. Get through the school day. Avoid Eddie. Get in your car. Go to Colleen's. Work. Go home. Make sure your sister ate dinner, did her homework, and brushed her teeth. Leave dinner out for your dad. Do your homework. Eat dinner. Brush your teeth. Shower. Go to bed.

It was every day. Over and over.

And it was exhausting.

The pressure was nearly unbearable as graduation approached, so when an opportunity came up to unwind a little bit, you took it.

Stacy was always going on and on about how you needed to let loose once in a while. So, when Tina invited practically everyone in the senior class to a graduation party, you decided to go. It was on a Tuesday night, which you thought was dumb, but since it happened to fall on a night when you didn't have to work and your dad would be able to take care of your sister, you decided not to question it. It was your one shot to do what all the other kids were doing for once, so you weren't going to pass it up.

"You're serious?" Stacy asked, excitement and incredulity in her tone. "You're really going with me to Tina's?"

"And we can even have a sleepover after," you promised. "If that's alright with you?"

"Are you kidding? Of course it is! We haven't had a sleepover since..." Stacy trailed off, shooting you an apologetic look.

Since your mom left, you finished in your mind. Since you stopped being a kid or allowing yourself the fun you should have been entitled to.

"Well, we'll just have to make the most of it," Stacy continued, linking her arm through yours. "We'll go to Tina's and then back to my house. We'll stay up all night, eat tons of junk food, and talk and gossip all night long like we used to. It'll be a blast."

"Sounds like it," piped up a voice from behind you.

You froze, but Stacy immediately turned to look at the intruder, and since your arms were still linked, you did as well.

It was Eddie. Of course it was him. Your life was miserable and pathetic, so it was no wonder he kept showing up in it, reminding you of the way he snubbed you during your project.

"So?" Stacy asked, gifting Eddie with an unimpressed look. "It's none of your business, Munson."

"Oh, but I'd like to make it my business," he said, an easy grin gracing his face. He put an arm out, leaning against the locker next to him. Eddie's eyes briefly met yours before he focused on Stacy.

You were torn between rolling your eyes and wishing a hole would open up in the ground and swallow you. As far as you knew, Eddie hated parties and the popular crowd. Why did he suddenly care about Tina's party? Unless, you couldn't help but think, maybe Eddie had a crush on Stacy.

That would be just your luck. Your crush having a thing for one of your best friends. You really shouldn’t be so surprised about your own misfortune, but the thought hurt all the same.

"Again, none of your business," Stacy repeated before she towed you away.

You spared a glance over your shoulder, catching Eddie watching you with a thoughtful look on his face. When he noticed he had your attention, he grimaced, and then hastily turned away, taking off in the other direction.

You felt oddly nervous about going to the party, even though you knew it wasn't as big a deal as you were making it out to be. So what if you weren't a party person? So what if you couldn't care less about hanging out with your peers or had even the faintest inclination to see them outside of school? None of that mattered to you.

What had you so worried was just the thought that Eddie Munson would defy all expectations and decide to show up at a party. But then again, this was Eddie Munson. He lived to defy the odds. He wasn't like anyone else you had ever known. He was loud and brash and made it his mission to go against the status quo.

You told yourself Eddie wouldn't be there. He couldn't possibly be there. He hated the popular kids. He hated sports. He hated parties and dances and everything else most kids wanted to do.

But, of course, because you had to be wrong pretty much every second of your life, you spotted Eddie within five seconds of walking into Tina's house.

He was ridiculously easy to spot. If it wasn't his hair that you noticed, it would have been his denim jacket and ripped jeans. Or it would have been his smile, the way his mouth curled up at the edges in delight. Or, you had to admit, you were just pathetic enough that even when you didn't expect to see him, you still looked for him.

Eddie was leaning up against the wall near the front hallway. He was chatting with a girl, his fingers drumming nervously against his side, and his eyes crinkled up at the corners in mirth. He leaned forward and whispered something in her ear, which made the girl giggle.

It was a different girl and a different place, but you felt like you were reliving the moment in the library all over again.

The girl handed something over to Eddie. You couldn’t catch even a glimpse of whatever it was before Eddie was grabbing it and putting it in the back pocket of his jeans. He tilted his head to the side and waggled his eyebrows at the girl before he turned, leading her down the hallway. You noticed his hand on her lower back as he her ushered into what you assumed was a bedroom.

"Fuck this," you muttered, making to turn around and leave the party.

"Hey, wait a minute," Stacy said, reaching out to grab your wrist. "Where you going? We just got here."

"I, uh, I don't feel so good. Got a headache," you lied, wincing.

"Oh, come on," Stacy groaned. "You do not. You're just trying to chicken out. Not tonight, okay? You don't have to work or babysit your sister. You're just going to have fun, and I see just the thing to get you in the partying mood."

When you realized where Stacy was heading, her fingers wrapped tight around your wrist, you just knew you were headed for trouble "Oh, no," you groaned, attempting to pull out of Stacy's hold. "You can't be serious."

"I am!" Stacy yelled back to you, raising her voice to be heard over the music. "So, pucker up, buttercup, and get ready to play."

You let Stacy drag you into the living room where there was already a group of your peers sitting in a circle. At the center was a glass bottle, and while you would have rather chewed off your own arm than play Spin the Bottle, you couldn't help but admit it would be a good distraction from Eddie.

"Alright, everyone," Tina called as she settled down. "For anyone who doesn't know the rules, the game is Spin the Bottle. When it's your turn, you take a spin, and then lock lips with the lucky person it lands on. If you get the same person three times, then you've got to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. Everyone got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Marcus, a senior you barely knew, interrupted from across the circle. "Let's get this show on the road," he said before he reached forward to grab the bottle.

You had been worried that the bottle would continuously land on you. You didn't like the idea of kissing someone you weren't interested in, especially in front of the rest of the senior class, but you realized you shouldn't have worried. Five people had already gone, and the bottle hadn't even been in danger of pointing in your direction.

You were starting to finally let yourself relax and enjoy your classmate's embarrassment. You probably wouldn't even be picked, and then Stacy would get bored, and you'd get to leave. So, you got comfortable on the floor, not foreseeing a need to get up any time soon.

But, knowing your luck, the next time someone reached out to spin the bottle, it landed directly on you.

Stacy elbowed you in the side, a squeal of excitement leaving her lips. You felt your cheeks flush as you raised your gaze to see who had spun you in the game.

Steve Harrington.

You blinked inanely at Steve for a moment, shocked that the former King of Hawkins High would soon be kissing you.

"Well, uh, alright," you sighed, before you got to your knees. You met Steve halfway across the circle, sharing an awkward look with him. You leaned forward, eager to get the moment over with, and let your lips brush briefly against Steve's. You pulled back, ignoring the jeers from your classmates, before taking your seat by Stacy.

"That was barely anything," Stacy hissed. "I know you used to have a crush on him. Why didn't you just go for it? He's single, y'know?"

"Shut up," you groaned, resisting the urge to hide your face behind your hands.

You felt like you had finally calmed down by the time it was your turn to spin the bottle. You figured it would be just the same as your last kiss. Brief and over before you could mortify yourself to death. So, you forced yourself to take a deep breath before you reached out to spin the bottle.

You weren't really paying attention, your mind a whirl of anxious thoughts, so you didn't immediately notice when the bottle stopped. It wasn't until Stacy elbowed you in the side once again that you realized it was your turn to kiss someone.

Again, you thought, when you noticed the bottle had landed on Steve yet again.

"We've got our first repeat spin of the night!" Tina crowed, excitement in her tone.

"Yeah, yeah," Steve said, shaking his head. You could tell he felt just as uncomfortable as you did. You tried to ignore Stacy and her obvious excitement as you crawled forward to meet Steve again.

You felt nervous and anxious as you met Steve's eyes. He looked like he didn't quite know how he found himself in his current situation, and for some reason, it made you relax just the tiniest bit. Steve wasn’t making a big deal out of this, so you shouldn’t either.

This was just a stupid party game. Before you knew it, you would be back at Stacy's house, stealing her mom's wine coolers and gossiping over bowls of ice cream. It would be great, you told yourself. You just had to get through this one embarrassing moment first.

It was nothing but a blip on your life’s radar. With that thought in mind, you leaned forward and let Steve kiss you again.

Before you knew it, you were back at Stacy's side, your cheeks flushed, and the barest memory of Steve's lips pressing against yours. You did your damnedest not to meet Steve's eyes across the circle, knowing you would just feel embarrassed all over again if you did.

Stacy shot you a questioning glance and you nodded your head in answer.

You were okay.

You could do this.

You hadn't been to a party. Not like this one. Not unless you counted birthday parties held in the basements of your childhood friends. But there were no streamers or cake or piñatas here.

The older you got, the harder it was to let loose and forget your worries when you already had so much on your plate. Stacy knew you were wildly out of your element, and you knew that if you really wanted to leave, then she wouldn't fight you on it.

That was what kept you in your seat. Stacy, for as wildly different as the two of you were, always had your back. She wouldn't have pulled you into this game if she thought it was going to completely freak you out.

Maybe, in a way, it was just what you needed. You did used to have a crush on Steve back in middle school. It was hard not to have a crush on him now, even. He was no longer Hawkin High's resident king, but he was still popular and cool and had the best hair out of anyone in the senior class, including the girls.

Not to mention, there was something about his smile that made you melt every time.

Now, you had kissed Steve twice, and that was sure of a hell of a lot more than you were used to getting from a guy you liked. Maybe something more would come from it, and you could forget your moment of temporary insanity when you thought you were into Eddie Munson.

It could work, right?

You felt your shoulders tense as each person between you and Steve took their turn. You were worried that he would manage to land on you again with his next turn. You didn't think you could survive seven minutes alone in a closet with Steve. You had barely managed the two brief kisses you shared just moments before.

When Steve spun the bottle and it landed on a different girl, you let yourself relax again. There was no way you would end up having to kiss Steve again. And maybe, if you were lucky, you could talk Stacy into ditching the game so you could grab a drink.

You convinced yourself that it would all work out.

You watched everyone else go, grateful when no one landed on you. Once it was your turn again, you reached out for the bottle.

Not Steve, you thought to yourself.

Not Steve. Not Steve. Not Steve, you chanted over and over in your head.

You didn't even realize you had closed your eyes until you heard Stacy gasp from beside you.

You opened your eyes, allowing your gaze to follow the direction the bottle was pointing, and saw Steve staring at you, a nervous smile on his face.

"You know the rules," Tina said, a bright grin on her face. "Into the closet you two go."

"I don’t--" you started, but Tina cut you off.

“Oh, come on," she coaxed, reaching out to push at your knee. "Just have a little fun."

You glanced over at Stacy, looking to her for guidance. She shrugged her shoulders, letting you know it was up to you.

You noticed Steve was already standing, a cautious look on his face.

He was waiting for you. Steve Harrington was waiting to see if you wanted to go into a closet with him and make out for seven minutes.

Most girls at your school would kill for this opportunity, so why weren't you more excited?

Because Steve wasn't Eddie, you couldn't help but think. But Eddie had gone into a room, alone, with another girl. So, he clearly didn't feel the same way as you did.

Maybe it was time to move on.

You let Tina goad you into a small hall closet, sharing a helpless look with Steve. “Have fun you two," she said, gifting you with a wink, before she closed the door on the pair of you.

You stayed still in the dark, your back pressed up against a row of coats.

"So, uh," Steve started, startling you. "Guess we're here..." he trailed off, as if unsure about where to go from there.

"Yeah," you agreed, a nervous chuckle escaping you. "Look, Steve," you started, knowing that you weren't able to go through with whatever you were supposed to be doing in that closet with him. "I'm not really the party, make out type," you finished, feeling lame as you winced at the darkness in front of you. "You're great, really, but--"

"That's okay," Steve cut you off. "I don't even know why I'm here tonight," Steve admitted with a sigh. "Just seemed like the thing to do, you know?"

"Trust me, I get it," you agreed with a relieved laugh. "I'm so worried all the time about my sister or my dad or college or my job now that the first free night I got, I thought I should go to a party. Be normal, right? Do the irresponsible thing for once. It’s just…I think I'm starting to realize it's not my thing. Not my scene," you admitted. "Sorry," you sighed. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this."

"It's alright," Steve assured you. "What else are we going to do for the next five minutes?"

There was an awkward silence after Steve’s words and you knew you were both busy thinking about what exactly you were supposed to be doing for the next five minutes. Alone. In the closet. Together.

"So, uh, why are you here?" you couldn't help but ask, looking for a distraction.

"It's a party, right? Our last one of senior year. Figured it might as well be worth a shot."

From the tone of Steve’s voice, you got the feeling he was as over this party as you were.

"You've got a job?" Steve asked, breaking the brief silence between the two of you. "Where are you working?"

You spent the rest of the time in the closet with Steve talking about your job and listening to him talk about his plans for the summer. At some point, the both of you had ended up on the floor, sitting next to each other. You could barely see Steve in the dark. Your eyes had adjusted, and with the barest of light managing to creep beneath the closet door, you could just about make out the outline of him.

It helped that you could hardly see Steve while you were confiding in him. You supposed that's why some people went to confession. You talked about yourself and your life and the things on your mind, and you got to pretend that the other person didn't even really know you at all. Even though you knew exactly who the other person was, it made it just the slightest bit easier not being able to see them.

"Thanks, Steve," you whispered, turning your head to look at him.

"For what?" You could just barely see Steve turning his head in your direction.

"For being a good guy," you told him. "For listening to me and not expecting anything else from me."

"Yeah, well, if I had to end up in a closet with anyone at this party, I'm glad it was you."

"Thanks," you told him again, bumping your shoulder against his. There was a weighted silence between the two of you and before you could talk yourself out of it, you tipped forward, brushing your lips against Steve’s.

It was simple and chaste. There was no expectation. It was only meant as a thanks.

You could feel Steve smile against your lips, and you pulled away from him when you heard the doorknob begin to rattle.

You hastily moved to stand, holding a hand out to help Steve up as well.

You expected to find Tina on the other side of the door, but you were completely surprised to realize that the person opening the door was Eddie.

you blinked at Eddie, your heat beating fast in your chest, and tried to think of what to say.

This isn't what it looks like.

I’m not in love with Steve Harrington.

We didn't just make out in a closet for seven minutes. We were talking. Honest!

You've got this all wrong.

"Well, don't you two look cozy," Eddie sneered at Steve. "Is this how you treat all your dates, Harrington?"

"Whatever, man," Steve groaned, rolling his eyes. "See you later, Y/N," he said before slipping past Eddie.

You only had a moment to share a tense, loaded silence with Eddie before he was shaking his head.

"Should've known this would be a bust," he muttered before turning and leaving you to stand there, wondering just how the night had managed to get so out of hand.

Four days later, you were stuck sitting outside with the other seniors, while you listened to the principal drone on and on about how proud he was of the graduating class of 1985. You could stop your thoughts from drifting as you took a glance around at the other students leaving Hawkins High with you.

You noticed Stacy and Steve and even Billy Hargrove, but no Eddie.

It seemed like 1986 would just have to be Eddie’s year, you thought, as you turned back around in your seat. You wondered if that night at Tina’s party would be the last you saw of Eddie Munson and you tried to ignore the twisting feeling in your gut at the thought.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #eddie munson imagine #stranger things imagine #eddie munson x you #stranger things x reader #reader insert #imagine #reader #living as foes fic

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someoneinjersey · 3 months

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ok that game tonight was awesome, i thought for sure we'd lose but we won spectacularly. it looked like JH didn't get as much ice time, maybe to go easy on his old injury ooooorrrr maybe for the chirp the other night. still gets me. but what a win, it was so important, we need to keep winning to have a shot at the playoffs. i really don't think we'll make it this year but man i'm still rooting for my boys anyway. also, yanno, fuck the flyers, as always.

i managed to shower, do some laundry, some dishes, and make TWO batches of soup today -- butternut squash and then broccoli cheddar which we ate for dinner in bread bowls. i was like wow now we'll have soup for days! and then i remembered ill eat soup for every meal and snack until its gone because soup is the perfect food. So itll probably be gone by tuesday at the latest. i gotta get back to eating better so i might go to walmart and use some of whats left of my monthly "healthy food" stipend i get with my insurance to grab some salad stuff again. gotta hard boil some eggs too, maybe grab some chick peas and maybe a couple other vegetables to roast. get that fiber up, clog that toilet more.

bizzy will be 7 months old next week and shes almost full grown cat sized. still small but now shes looking more and more like a cat rather than a kitten. shes also now spending time alone as opposed to needing to be with one of us 24/7 which has us both like MY BABYYYYYY. larry's changing a bit too, like requesting more affection at least from me. so there are times i'm lounging in the living room watching youtube or playing xbox and i have deano larry and bizzy all on me in different places. furniture upon furniture.

picked up my book again. i needed a long break because id read two books so quickly and intensely, kinda burnt myself out. its getting more interesting, supposedly its really sad, but i still sit here going through the pages trying to predict what's going to happen besides gayness. always gayness, god bless tj klune. up next are two sort of self help books i'm hyped about (especially "adult children of immature parents" because uuuuhhhhh YEAH)

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hussyknee · 1 year

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Got out of hospital on Sunday afternoon. I'm supposed to have gone to my cousin's down South today (Tuesday) to spend the week, except her brother, my other cousin, flaked on me for the seventh time.

First time was on Feb 13th when I told him I was getting myself admitted to the govt hospital by myself telling Mum I was going to stay with friends, but I needed someone in the family to know where I was just in case. He was abroad, asked his wife to call me, and when I told her in confidence I needed to be in hospital for suicidality, they told Mum. Hilariously also warned her not to let me know they told her bc I would lose all trust in them (no shit). Mum's version of subtlety was bursting in my room, demanding whether my ex husband had married someone else (?????), forbidding me to leave the house without her permission (I laughed in her face at that), and accusing me of stressing her out by living like a depressed hobo.

I called cousin and told him off. Made it very clear again that she doesn't want me to go to the hospital, has always hated that I'm getting psychiatric treatment, and every time I've been in psychiatric care she's harrassed me so badly we'd had to ban her from visiting me. Cuz was very contrite and promised to help; his wife is a nurse so they said they would help arrange food and necessities while I was in hospital.

Two days later on 15th, I realized lugging my suitcase alone to a govt hospital (which I had never done before) and figuring out the logistics of checking myself in was giving me too much anxiety, and asked for his help that he has offered earlier. He said "we will see" once he got back to the country on Sat. And then never called.

I said "fuck it" on Tuesday 14th, left my suitcase at home and went to the hospital on my own. Was instantly admitted, given the last remaining bed that was broken in the middle, in a small, dingy room where a teenage girl just would not shut up and the bedside cabinet was so filthy I didn't want to put my bag on it. Called and left increasingly frantic messages to my cousin to please help tell Mum and bring my stuff, calls and messages to my doc that I couldn't stay here, and after receiving dead silence in return I had an anxiety attack and just ran out of hospital.

Hospital called Mum when they found out I was missing. Doc told us both she wouldn't admit me if I didn't want to stay there but we'll figure something out. Asked Mum to come see her with me the following morning. She agreed, and then just...didn't.

Cousin sent a message two days later saying he had been busy with a workshop since he got back.

Doc consulted at the general hospital on Mondays, so I waited and went to see her alone again. Hours of queues and waiting later, they told me she was on leave till next week. I started to cry, so they told me to simply come to the ward on Friday and meet her.

By that time I was out of money, out of hope and out of help. I started gathering materials for my exit bag and composed a quasi-farewell note on Twitter. Someone immediately contacted me and offered to fundraise. My other two friends also got on board, wrestled with a write-up for two days, and set up the GFM. Met the target within two days. I already had like one foot in the grave so the realization I might be able to live was confounding.

On Monday 6th I messaged cousin again.

Cuz: How are you? I heard you got admitted and then came back? Felt guilty as I couldn’t help. Was busy throughout that week.

Me: It's fine. Yes the hospital was not in good condition and it stressed me out. A couple of my friends abroad fundraised for me last week and they now have enough for me to try an private hospital

Me: I'm going to meet my doctor this morning so she can advise to on next steps

Me: Again, I didn't tell Mum, I plan to let her know once I have the go ahead. But it would be great if you could help. It's difficult to co-ordinate things on my own and Mum will freak out obviously

Cuz: I will, sister. I had a chat with your mom a few days back. Let me know what your doc says

Doc asked me to come early March 7th. I got late. Hours of queues later, they told me she had left hours ago. I broke down crying. Alarmed, they sent me to wait outside the psychiatric ward for when she'd be back for ward rounds. I sat out there alone for 2 hours, had 3 consecutive panic attacks, decided to kill myself. Send Mum a vitriolic rant that she and her husband should burn in hell and to know I cursed them to my last breath. Mum called and I ignored. She messaged threatening to go to the police. I disassociated and tearfully messaged my former therapist she can't just dump people like she did to me. Started trying to think of ways to kill myself without going home and panicked because I hadn't planned for any of them. Therapist called in concern and I sobbed that I had been waiting 3 hours and doc wasn't here and I didn't know how to kill myself and couldn't go home. Therapist made me give the phone to a nurse (had to find someone who didn't look at me like I was crazy and refuse to take it) and got her to page my doc.

FINALLY saw doc. She gave me a letter and told me which private hospital to get admitted to. I was still half not entirely there so I called cousin and she explained it to him as well. I was going to go directly to hospital and send for my things, but now I was calmer, cousin persuaded me to let him collect me and drop me home. He then told me to shower and pack and wait for Mum to come home, and then leave. I thought he was supposed to take me to the hospital. But he insisted I talk to Mum. But fine. I could do that and take a cab.

Showered, packed. Woman never turned up. Apparently after threatening to go to the police and having histrionics at half the family, she couldn't be arsed to leave work early. Messaged cousin, no reply. Got dark and started storming. I started having another panic attack. Messaged cousin urgently to take me to hospital because I was too out of it to take a cab. No answer. Called Mum. Said she was on her way. Hour passed. I was now screaming at the top of my lungs and bashing my head against the wall begging anyone and everyone to take me to the hospital. Neighbors heard me over the storm and called the house. Was going full on Exorcism of Emily Rose. Unblocked best friend and went on a tirade against her that sounded like a psychotic break of some kind. Instead of getting mad, she called me and listened to me howl and sob and soothed me. Called Mum again. It had been two hours since last call. Said she was on her way. I fell asleep crying.

10pm. Woke up screaming for Mum to take me to hospital. Mum burst in and said I wasn't going anywhere and to shut up and get on the bed so she could pray and apply holy oil on me. Last time I had a horrible colitis flare and begging to be taken to the hospital for an IV also she refused and forcibly annointed me with holy oil. I grabbed her bottle of holy oil and smashed it. She screamed at me that I was in her house and I would obey her. Yelled "IN THE NAME OF JESUS I CAST YOU OUT SATAN! THE POWER OF CHRIST–" and I shoved her out and locked the door. She banged on the door yelling her phone was inside. I opened the door and threw her phone at her head. She yelled that she was the one who had bought me my phone and she would call the police if I destroyed anything else.

At this point I had had four hours-long panic attacks. Was convinced I was going to die here. Made a long twitter thread enumerating the abuse and neglect and religious abuse my brother and I have been enduring at my mother's hands, ending that we would both die here. Friends immediately mobilized. I sent them all each other's numbers. One friend arranged a vehicle, another took it from the ass end of the city to my place. Two more stayed on the phone with me and walked me through getting ready and staying conscious. Snuck out of the house at half past midnight. Was half dead. Friend admitted me to the hospital and spent all night with me. Then another friend took half his work day over and stayed. Another friend I hasn't met in ten years came to see me from work and stayed late. They finally engaged a nursing service because it was hospital policy not to leave patients unattended. They were lovely too. I was so medicated I could barely help with anything, just cried and was so touch-starved I clung to my friends like a burr.

Cousin called me in the morning to ask where I was. I told him I held him responsible and would not be telling him which hospital I was in.

But more than anything I wanted my best friend. She and my closest friends were my real family and I deliberately ruined my relationships with them and drove them away because of years of undiagnosed OCD and because I wanted to destroy my relationships so I could kill myself. Bestie's kindness extended to keeping me company until I was medicated, but then she had to withdraw to heal from what I had done to her.

Spent five wonderful days in hospital. Was fed on time things I liked to eat, medicated, tucked into sleep. No thoughts. Life of a 5 yo basically. Attendants also very affectionate. Desperate for that kind of care for a longer term.

Also the attendants got very attached to me fsr. I'm a natural oversharer but I was also very doped and lonely, so I chatted a lot with them so they got to know about my medical stuff and home situ. And how passionate I was about social justice and animals and stuff. First one straight up wanted to adopt me or something. First one stayed 2 days then had to leave for family emergency. Second one tucked me in like a 5 yr old and hugged me and stroked my head till I fell asleep. She also checked up on me twice after I got home. They were like "I will call you squishy and you will be my squishy" 😂 'Twas very nice. Apparently, for all I am an intimidating menace online, irl I am babie. They were very poor and struggling ladies who needed someone to talk to as much as I did, I think.

Cousin was then supposed to come help me discharge and drop me home. So to nobody's surprise, I ended up doing all the paperwork, paying the bill, arranging a cab and going home by myself. (My beloved friends were unfortunately very stuck that day and I took my attendant with me to drop off at her stop halfway, so if wasn't quite as pitiful as it sounds.)

Nobody was home when I got there, but it was the unanimous conclusion that I need to gtfo. Cousin sister has been insistent I come stay with her bless her. Cousin again promised to drop me off at hers (lmao). Unfortunately the family cat is sick with half his face scabbed over, and the demons here would let him die if it was up to them. But he also keeps fucking off to roam before I can corral him to the vet.

Nevertheless, I was all packed and ready to gtfo today, except to exactly nobody's suprise, cousin messaged he was busy with a leadership conference and couldn't take me till tomorrow afternoon. So now I'm looking up intercity bus tickets because if he actually turns up tomorrow I will take it as a sign of the end times. He also assured me that Mum has called my aunties and accepted that she fucked up LMAOOOOO. I fucking hate these people. She could literally murder us all in cold blood and they'd find some kind of apologism for it. Jesus wept.

Meanwhile, I am still depressed but I am on so much Valium I don't even care.

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monstax-info · 1 year

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Hello monstax-info admins! First I’d like to thank y’all so much for all of your hard work w keeping mbbblr updated and for translating!

Shownu is coming back so soon! And because of this I wanted to ask if an event for ccs could be possibly done? Could partnering up be somehow possible? I thought about perhaps D-30 a countdown like every week there could be a prompt like “favorite shownu stage” “favorite shownu moment(s)” etc. etc.

Totally understand if it’s not possible! Just an idea I had thank you for your time! :-)

Hello!! It's been hard times but we will always work hard to keep everyone updated! Actually I'm personally sorry for not translating as much, but I'm glad you appreciate either ways ;-;

Said this, about the event, personally I'd love to host one, but at the same time I need to talk with the other admins to make sure everyone is up for it and we can actually work together to make it a great time! We'll update you somehow (either posting on here or dming you personally, in case!) asap (also because D-30 is next Tuesday so....)

Hope we can make this work, thank you so much for the idea! have a great day!❤️ ~🌊

#ask #admin note: again thank you i really like this idea!!!!!!!!

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pheita · 2 years

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Misery Loves Company Part 4

Yeah, I am back, after a week. I rarely found time to write on Monday and Tuesday, and then a friend came over for three days and so here we are.

Things are getting into motion and Lyran and Ari are idiots again, just like we love them.

So just warnings for mention of alcohol, some nudity (It's Ari, it is always Ari)

Oh, and in the future there will be lots of smut because... these two hedonistic, self destructive idiots are on a hedonistic self-destructive path right now.

Either the time until sunset had passed faster than Lyran had noticed, or he and Arritit had fallen asleep in between. Judging by how stiff his legs were, they had clearly fallen asleep. Still, it didn't stop him from being down at the pub on time. Arritit had taken a table near him and made sure there was always food and drink available. Like pretty much every pub everywhere at this time of year, this one was no exception when it came to how many travelers had come here. After the first break, the patrons had understood that Lyran and Arritit belonged together and threw the tip on her table instead of at Lyran's feet. Ready for the next break, he looked over at Arritit, who was in conversation with someone. From the clothes, it was one of the local merchants. With a smile and a nod to her, he indicated that he would take a break. A smile came back in response. The merchant looked to Lyran with an amused grin, which only made Lyran realize how it must have seemed. Half laughing, he made it through the last drinking song. "Lyran!" Joyfully, Arritit beckoned him over. "You seem so excited." Lyran waited a bit to see what would happen and joined in. First, he reached for his tankard and took a hearty swig. "Our friend Neeto is the leader of a merchant group that is heading east tomorrow." "As soon as the temperatures are a little cooler. The Fenetan wouldn't cooperate otherwise. But you should get more water hoses. We're taking the southern route and it's tough even for us locals this time of year. Maybe a group taking the cooler northern route would be better for you."

A glance at Arritit told him that she had already decided to take this group of traders as a travel option. "I think we'll be fine, thanks to your warning. It's not so much the heat as the humidity that's getting to us." Neeto nodded in agreement. His gaze went back and forth between Lyran and Arritit. It wasn't hard to tell that Neeto was thinking about whether the two of them would bring trouble. "Well then, I won't bother you any further. We will meet then at the south gate two hours before sunset. You should use the day for preparations and to sleep. Fenetan are crepuscular in this weather, and we will use those times to travel." "Don't worry, we'll be there," Arritit reassured him. With a final nod, Neeto stood up and took his jug to his people a few tables back. Once he was out of earshot, Arritit leaned forward and looked questioningly at Lyran. "What by the Great Mother are Fenetan?" "I read about it in the archives. The legends say that once the orcs used them as beasts of burden in war. They're said to be one and a half times the size of a full-grown man, with shaggy fur and long tusks." "Sounds a bit like elephants to me..." Thoughtfully, Arritit sat up straight again. "Only with much shorter trunks and a stubborn head like no other animal." "So perfect for you." Lyran rolled his eyes as he lifted his mug. "Love you too." "I hope so." They both had to laugh. For a moment, they just sat together, enjoying the moment. Lyran's sigh ended the silence. "You don't have to wait up for me. Nights like tonight get long. The day warm, the people thirsty, the evening cool, and now they want to make up for what they couldn't during the day." "You don't look happy with it." Arritit pushed him the plate of meat. Grateful and a little amused by her care, he nodded a little. "You know, Ari," he began, stuffing a small piece into his mouth, "It's the nights that make the most money on the one hand, but also the ones I crave just rest, a bed, and maybe a glass of wine at the end of the night."

The way Arritit picked at the bread showed that she was thinking. It was interestingly something that she, Sojan, and Lyran did equally, and something that had regularly irked Marilka. "What are you thinking about?" "Why did you become a bard?" "Because it was my way out, I've always loved learning, and when the king's daughter is your patron, you don't say no." Still picking at the bread, she nodded. "But do you like being a bard?" Puzzled, Lyran looked at her. A moment later, laughter burst from him. "Yes, I love it, even if it is sometimes difficult. But few are lucky enough to be welcomed everywhere with their profession and also to see the world like that, if you're into adventure. No matter how small they may be. I get to know the country and its people like few others do. What's not to love?" A slight twitch around the corners of his mouth told Arritit. "You tell me. You seem like you're tired of it all." "I guess I'm more spoiled from the last few years..." Displeased, Lyran pressed his lips together. He fell backwards in the chair. While it became louder around them, because somewhere further back some quarreled, Lyran and Arritit only looked at each other with this facial expression, which said, they both tried not to give too much away. At the same time, they took deep breaths. "Now then, dearest Ari, I must entertain the people." It was clear even to him that it looked like the escape it was. He didn't want her to ask him about Sojan again. Lyran didn't know if, already drunk and exhausted, he wouldn't say more than was good for either of them right now in this environment. Mainly to distract himself, he struck up a silly song. Arritit's eye roll was enough of a non-verbal statement that she knew exactly what he was doing, but he could worry about that when the night was over. Especially when he hopefully had enough beer to endure it, or preferably fall asleep quickly.

Stiff, drunk, and tired, Lyran stumbled up the stairs at the end of the night. He had underestimated how long people would stay. After all, no one could know that the merchants would turn night into day, because they were leaving at sunrise anyway. Arritit had gone up shortly before and looked less exhausted than he did. Amused, Lyran snorted when he thought that she had probably helped herself to some herbs to stay awake, because she didn't want to leave him alone. Of course, it could also be that she was actually more able to drink than he was, that could not be ruled out, after all, such an evening had been a novelty for him. Yawning loudly, he opened the door and entered the room. He paid no attention to whether Arritit was standing anywhere, and instead simply dropped onto the nearest chair, since that was closer than the bed. "You can sleep in a minute," Arritit's voice sounded from the door. Half-opened Lyran's eyes. She stood there still only in the thin tunic she wore to sleep, barefoot and with a bowl and rags in her hands. "What are you doing?" Half the sentence was lost in another yawn. "It's better to sleep in this weather if you get the sweat off your skin first. I've mixed in some herbs for extra refreshment. So get moving and take off those clothes." "Still trying to get me into bed, then?" he joked. Just as he reached the lacing of his shoes, the wet rag slapped the back of his neck. "I'm trying to do you some good," Arritit growled. A moment later, the rag was gone again. The water in the bowl splashed, making Lyran inevitably look up.

Arritit stood there, rubbing her arms with the rag. A relieved sigh escaped her when she finished with the first arm. Shaking his head, he slipped off his boots. Pants and shirt followed a few moments later. Still in only his underpants, he stretched and let his neck roll a little, followed by his shoulders. He turned to Arritit and froze at the same moment. She had taken off her tunic and in the early light of the morning the glistening on her skin revealed that in the meantime she had rubbed her whole body with the rag. "Would you please?" Arritit held the rag out to him while she looked for something else. "What?" "Rubbing the back? That's a little hard to do alone." "What?...Yes, of course." He could only blink in confusion. She was standing there in just her underpants, turned a little away from him while she searched for something in her bag. "Ah, there it is." Triumphantly, she pulled out a small jar. Lyran's eyebrows moved to his hairline, or at least it felt that way. "Ari?" "What?" Raising her arms questioningly, she stared at him. A slight circling motion with his left hand was to take her in all over. "Shouldn't you have a little dressed up?" "You're serious? How many times have we seen each other naked?" "But that was always when the person was wounded." She was about to say something but paused with her mouth open for a moment. "Oh, you're right. But now seriously. Now you're discovering your modesty?" "I just wanted to make sure."

Lyran downplayed his discomfort with a laugh and accepted the rag from her. While Arritit turned around, she took the hair up with one hand that he could reach the nape of her neck as well. Gently, he moved the rag from the back of her neck down to her left shoulder and then to her right shoulder before having to wet it again. In these back-and-forth motions he worked his way down to her buttocks, always careful to keep enough distance as well. "I think that's it." "Would you be so kind?" Questioningly, she looked over her shoulder and held out the jar. "What's this?" "For tense muscles. My back is killing me." Surrendered, Lyran took the jar. Sniffing it briefly, he recognized the familiar herbal ointment he had used often enough himself. With practiced movements, he massaged the ointment in, even if it was a little difficult because Arritit was standing. Satisfied grumbling was the only thing he heard from her and somehow it was amusing. If he kept it up, she would fall asleep while still standing. When Arritit fell backwards, Lyran could only react and catch her. She winced, clearly more asleep than awake. "Go to bed. You sleep standing up," Lyran chuckled. "I'm not," she just mumbled in an occupied voice, but at least did as suggested and staggered into bed. The problem was that she had forgotten to put her tunic back on and Lyran debated with himself whether it would be better to sleep on the floor, because Arritit had just fallen into the bed and he saw no possibility of finding a place for himself there, and especially not without it becoming awkward when she was almost naked. A little bit he observed how she lay there sleeping on her back, across the bed and snoring softly. Maybe it was the circumstances, or the three or four mugs of ale, or the warm weather, or maybe it was all the above, but the thought occurred to Lyran that under different circumstances Arritit might well have been someone he would have fallen for. She was basically many of the things he usually looked for in partners: smart, inquisitive, odd sense of humor, a sense of the finer things in life, and he would have to be blind not to acknowledge that she was a beautiful woman. Shaking his head at himself, Lyran took the other rag and rubbed himself. It was dangerous to even think about such things when you had one too many tankards, and even if Arritit liked to think otherwise, he was no fool. Still, a thought settled in his mind as he made himself as comfortable as he could on the floor: What if he had met Arritit first and not Sojan?

#writblr #writing #misery loves company #part 4 #lyran #ari #fantasy #adult audience

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machhapuchchhre · 2 years

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Exhaustion really gets to me these days.

I'm working a lot, and feel like i've been running on an empty tank for weeks now. My days off feel full of appointment everywhere - physio, therapist, grocery shopping, sometimes even teaching on Tuesday morning.

I'm still doing far too much at home ; N did make an effort this week but still. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, doing the dishes most of the time, baking bread because i know N loves it in the morning (and I do like making my own bread), cleaning the place. I just can't live in a messy place and i know that i need things to be organized or it triggers my anxiety. So i clean behind him so it doesn't drive me mad, and I KNOW i shouldn't. But he's been so exhausted i don't think he even realizes what's going on. Today is his last crazy day thankfully.

My ankle is getting better everyday, yoga feels easier, i'm slowly building my muscles back, i can almost walk normaly on flat ground. But it hurts. It still hurts after two months and a half and it pisses me off.

The quality of my sleep has been on and off for the last weeks. Sometimes i will sleep like a baby, sometimes i feel trapped into never ending nightmares and insomnia. Really difficult to go to bed when you are afraid of your own mind.

I went on my first via ferrata and it felt good to be back on the rock ! I had a great time but it was really complicated to walk back down so still need time for the next ones. I feel like climbing is still out of reach and i'm frustrated. My therapist asked me what would help me fill my tank again, or feel a bit restored, all i could think about was "rock climbing". I miss it SO MUCH.

But at the moment i don't even have the time for my own yoga practice, every time i'm at home i am cleaning, organizing my planning, putting my Mom' stuff into order (so many clothes... i'm trying to sell most of them on Vinted, it's such a long process).

Life feels like there is always something more to do, you know ? And the moments i have for myself don't make up for the energy i lose on a daily basis. Of course i love teaching, i have lovely evenings with N, i like having a drink with friends, but i feel so drained that i can't really enjoy anything. The only thing i can squeeze in when i have 5-30min is grab a book and read. I'm glad to be reading consistently again !

That's all for now. I hope to find a bit more balance in the weeks to come, but i'm not sure about it. We'll see !

#needed to vent

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mondaysjournal · 11 months

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6/25/2023 - I Set My Face To The Hillside

It's been about a month since I last saw you, and less than two months until I get to see you again. I've come to terms with the fact that I will probably tell you that every week I spend here is uneventful, even if things did happen and you'd tell that it really was eventful once I describe them to you. On Tuesday I achieved a triumph of the hordes victory with Shelob, and then ordered some more cards for it and a few other decks on hareruya. Of course I had to upgrade the land base on Kaza since that was something you always complained about. You don't have to worry though, I didn't get a scalding tarn or anything like that for it. On Wednesday, I made more bread.

It doesn't look that great, since I didn't let it proof for very long at the end, but it tasted good and had the right texture coming out of the oven. It was kind of an exercise in seeing just how lazy I could be with the methodology and still turn out a good end product. And I can say that this set of loaves, with less time proofing and less gluten development, was just as good as the ones I made previously. I thought about what you said when we talked last, about how you learning baking would be complementary to me doing everything else. Before that, I had a vague impulse to bake more out of a sense of inadequacy, like it was a flaw that I didn't have much experience baking things. But when you put it the way you did, it made me happy, because I think there should be things I can rely on you for and ways you can show your appreciation for me that I can't necessarily do. And it was cute to think about us making a bunch of things for an occasion like thanksgiving. When you talk about the future that way, it makes it that much easier to feel it in my hands. So I'm okay just knowing how to bake bread. It's a lot easier than I thought it would be.

On Thursday, we only got to play two games since the first one took so long. They were uneventful, and I did not play shelob since I mistakenly forgot to bring her. Thankfully, the real version of her is in the hareruya order that's coming soon. I didn't go anywhere on Friday. In the land online, ever since we stopped playing elden ring, we just started watching yugioh. It's a long show so we'll probably be occupied for a while. I think tomorrow we are going to start watching all of the extended lord of the rings movies. Today, I went to wegmanns to buy a few things (read: $58 worth of items). I got the bresaola that I wanted to get before but was too cowardly to buy. It tastes pretty good, but I don't know if I'd buy it again soon. I saw a new type of better than bouillon I had never known about, which was just chipotle base. I didn't buy it because I don't know what I would use it for. I guess some sort of chipotle soup. Maybe I'll get it next time. I got the mango sorbet popsicles since I don't think we tried that when you were here. I haven't eaten them yet. I think the most interesting thing I do regularly is go the store and buy things, and look at stuff I've never seen before. It's kind of mundane, but at least it's interesting even without you. I do feel like when I'm at the store with other people, I have to make sure I don't waste their time. I know you wouldn't care that much if I wandered around a lot, but getting back from the store sooner meant that I could spend more time holding you.

The emptiness you left behind is very different from the one that I was living in before you came along. Now it's expectant, waiting for something that it knows will be there, whereas before, it was strange and hopeless, unknowing of what could ever fill it. I walked around in that emptiness a lot, asking questions of myself and the world, not always productive or positive. Finding the answers to those questions is how I arrived here, coming to be who I am today. I am as self-sacrificial, generous, and devoted as I am because those are all things I decided I had to be. I love you in all the ways I do because those are the ways I know best. Being here without you encourages a different kind of reflection. I know that this is basically like what it was before, but...the context is radically different. The self-reflection I did before often felt...abstracted, like the full breadth of what I believed I was capable of doing for others would never actually be put to use at any point. Now, it feels like all those questions are settled science. The new questions are about what I am capable of doing for myself, and how that affects others. This isn't the beginning of that line of thought for me, but it certainly is an inflection point for it. It was easy to think of myself as purely instrumental, a vessel by which others wishes could be fulfilled and the good of humanity could be increased. I am still driven by an impulse to help others, and to devote myself to the people I love, but in a less self-destructive manner than before. I know that I have to take care of myself and become better in ways that I didn't even consider previously, and part of that came from being with you. It's easy to try to do those things when you're here, seeing everything that I do. But when you' can't see me...that's the real test. 're not here...that's the real test. I hope that by the time you come back, I will have grown in certain ways that I can't even conceive of right now. And once you're here, we'll continue to grow together through the life we share. That's what I'm most excited about.

I have to go to albany on tuesday night. It's going to be very annoying. But it will be okay if I get to talk to you. It always is. I love you.

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zannolin · 1 year

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weekly writing wrap up time !!

not much done this week, i'm afraid. my drawing brain unlocked after almost eight months of little to no drawing and even longer of a miserable art block slog, so i spent more time drawing and working on some commissions than writing.

i DID finish and post my ambiguous claire and leon post-infinite darkness oneshot which has been haunting me for weeks:

Claire holds up her half-empty glass and, after a moment, he holds up his own, still empty, and clinks it gently against hers. She takes another sip, and Leon can’t help laughing at her when she not-so-surreptitiously spits it back into the glass with a wrinkled nose.

“You need to get better taste in bars,” she tells him.

“Maybe you should get better taste in drinking buddies,” he responds, setting down his glass and folding his arms atop the bar.

“I think I’ll keep the one I’ve got,” Claire says.

i dunno what it is but i just love this part <3 their friendship is really important to me regardless of if i'm writing ship content or not (which this was not intended to be explicitly.)

also wrote a stunning 137 words on wild geese, god help me. it's been a slog this week like i said.

i spent most of the time spitballing various aus, getting attached to cleon, and contemplating how i could get ethan winters and leon s kennedy in the same room for a conversation for the ages. also i am considering getting more experimental and starting a fic to encourage me to work on my spanish skills more since i have three more semesters of spanish classes to get through, but we'll see!! it was a more restful week what with school coming up on tuesday.

priority number one is now back to being wild geese, and then hopefully the next chapter of split ends. i would also like to work on the gospel tent au some more. wrote 3.6k this week which all things considered isn't bad!

in lieu of new snippets from wips i offer you something from my notes doc that will be in a future mia fic:

A month after the village, Mia dreams of Ethan. Which is to say—she always dreams of him, these days, just like every time she managed actual sleep in the farmhouse in Dulvey, but this is the first time it’s anything more than a nightmare.

“You knew,” he says softly, reaching out to hold her hand. It’s not a question.

“I did,” she whispers.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She squeezes her eyes shut. “I was afraid to lose you.”

In her grip, his hand begins to dissolve, and when she looks, his face is disintegrating, wads of mold shriveling and falling away until there’s nothing left. From the nothingness, he says:

“You did anyway.”

Mia wakes with tears on her cheeks and wonders if she prefers the nightmares.

#writing wrap ups

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chocolatequeennk · 4 years

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Forever Timeless, 2/23

Summary: Two months after the Dalek Crucible, the Doctor and Rose are getting used to having the biggest family on Earth. As they visit Leadworth in 1996, Victorian England, a mysterious desert planet, and Elizabethan England, those family and friends often help in unexpected ways. But no matter where they go or who they’re with, it’s always the Doctor in the TARDIS with RoseTyler–just as it should be.

Ten x Rose, Donna x Lee

Betaed by @saecookie, @rudennotgingr, @pellaaearien, and @jabber-who-key

Tagging @doctorroseprompts for Doctor/Rose content

Part 7 of Being to Timelessness

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP

Ch 1

Chapter Two: Another Year, Another Adventure

Rose glanced at the familiar faces standing around the console as she worked quickly to set the coordinates. She tugged at the bond to get the Doctor’s attention. He checked the destination and immediately nodded.

“Barcelona!” he enthused.

Rose smiled and sent them into motion while he started rambling about the planet.

“Gorgeous tropical resort. We’ve been twice. Beautiful beaches, gorgeous waterfalls to hike, and—”

“Dogs with no noses,” Rose said along with him.

Donna raised an eyebrow. “You’re both nutters,” she said, shaking her head. “Dogs with no noses? How do they smell?”

The Doctor giggled. “Exactly!”

Rose planted her feet and everyone quickly grabbed onto something before the TARDIS landed on Barcelona with a teeth-jarring thud. “Barcelona,” Rose said, waving at the door.

Donna and Jenny exchanged a grin, then ran up the ramp and pushed the door open. Brilliant sunlight streamed into the console room, and Rose could smell the salt tang of the ocean in the air.

“Oh, I have missed this!” Donna said.

“Missed travelling the galaxy, or not spending hours on a plane getting someplace?” the Doctor asked.

“Both!”

Jenny and Donna stepped back inside and picked up the bags they’d left by the door. Before they left, Donna turned around and pointed at Rose, then at the Doctor. “All right, we’re going to leave you to celebrate your anniversary on your own. But you’d better come for us on time.”

“Or you’ll do what?” the Doctor retorted.

Rose groaned and pressed her fist to her forehead. She could hear the scowl on Donna’s face when their friend answered the Doctor.

“Or I’ll tie you down and bleach your hair blond,” she snapped.

Rose’s hand dropped to her mouth to hold back a laugh at the horrified expression on the Doctor’s face.

Donna nodded once, sharply. “Excellent. We’ll see you in a week, then.” She left the TARDIS and swung the door shut behind her.

“But… That’s…” The Doctor ran his hands through his hair.

Rose walked over to him and pulled his hands down, then smoothed over the most sticky-up pieces. “Don’t worry, Doctor. I like your hair too much to let her do that to you.”

He straightened his tie and preened. “It is pretty great, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I love your hair.” Rose waited a beat, then said, “So I’ll make sure I’m driving when we go pick them up.”

“Oi!”

The Doctor grabbed for her, but Rose laughed and twisted away from him, adjusting the navigation settings as she went. She felt him following her movements and knew the moment he had remembered they were actually on their way to their own holiday destination.

“So do I finally get to find out what your secret holiday plans are?”

“Well…” she said, stretching it out the way he did. “I’m not sure if it’s check-in time yet.”

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. “This is a time machine,” he reminded her. “Which I’m fairly certain you are aware of.”

“Yeah, you might have mentioned it.”

He raised his eyebrows and gestured at the console. Rose laughed, but she finally obliged him. “Prepare yourself for the holiday of a lifetime,” she said dramatically as she threw the dematerialisation lever.

The ship spun into the Vortex, and Rose twirled the opposite direction, dancing around the console until she was next to the Doctor.

“Do you know what?” she asked.

He grinned and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before finishing the familiar line. “Travelling with you—I love it.”

The TARDIS landed, and the lights in the console room flashed. He looked up at the time rotor. “It seems I’m not the only one excited for this trip.”

Rose slung her deceptively small bag over her shoulder. “We’ve been working on this together. She says you’ve never been anywhere like this before.”

“Welllll, I’m not sure about that. Not this exact place, maybe, but—” The Doctor pulled the door open and stopped talking immediately.

Rose stepped up beside him and took his hand. “Welcome to Critias.”

The idea that had come to her while reading to Tony had taken a firm hold of her mind. As soon as they’d gotten home that night, she’d asked the TARDIS if it was even possible.

Is there a planet like Atlantis? Once they found the answer, they’d jumped at the chance.

The Doctor walked down the narrow alley as if in a trance and pressed his hand to the glass, fingers splayed out. A curious puffer fish swam forward to sniff at his fingers, but when he realised he couldn’t actually reach them, he swam away.

“This is…” The Doctor paused, then shook his head. “This is incredible, love. Thank you.”

“We explore the stars, but we never really touch this frontier,” Rose said.

“Another adventure with you.”

“Another year with you,” Rose corrected. “Happy anniversary, Doctor.”

Really, the Doctor reasoned, there was only one proper response when your bond mate wished you a happy anniversary. And so he wrapped an arm around Rose’s waist and pulled her close for a kiss.

“Thank you,” he murmured against her lips. “I love it.”

Rose pulled back and looked up at him, her nose wrinkled up a little. “Enough that it makes up for not getting a present? I didn’t get a chance to get you anything.”

The Doctor rested his hands on her hips and smiled down at her. “Absolutely. Although…” He pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth. “I don’t have a gift for you, either.”

Rose laughed. “You helped my mum and Pete set up their furniture last weekend, and you didn’t start one fight with Mum. That covers you for at least our anniversary.”

The Doctor chuckled. “All right. Now, where is this hotel?”

Rose pointed over his shoulder and he turned around to look at the building. It was positioned against the outer wall of the city, and he could easily imagine the kind of views the rooms would have.

He took a few steps down the alley, but Rose grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “I know I was joking when I said it wasn’t check-in time yet, but it really isn’t. I didn’t want to waste half the day by not getting here until mid afternoon.”

The Doctor nodded quickly. “Excellent decision. So, what should we do first?”

“Walk?” Rose suggested. “I can’t get enough of the view from the edge of the city.”

They moved from the alleyway to the path that snaked around the edge of the dome. “No, neither can I,” the Doctor agreed.

A giant piece of brilliant red seaweed floated by, the current picking up little tendrils and tugging them in different directions. A few more metres down the path, they watched a family of seahorses swim by.

“Why did they build a city under the ocean?” the Doctor wondered as they walked.

“I looked into that actually,” Rose said. “The planet was really struggling with overpopulation.”

He snorted. “So they decided to spread into the ocean? They’d squeezed out everyone on the surface and now they’d move into the fishes’ place too?”

Rose pinched him in the side. “Thought you were enjoying the trip,” she said pointedly.

“Oh, I am!” he said quickly. “Just… You know what, never mind. You’re right. So, there were too many humans on the surface—they are humans, it seems?”

Rose shook her head. “Nope. Critians are humanoid—I suppose you could say they look Time Lord—but they aren’t human. I dunno how they’re different exactly, but they are.”

The Doctor bit his tongue before he could launch into a rant on Rassilon spreading the Gallifreyan body type around the galaxy. There was a time and a place, and this was not it.

oOoOo

Their suite was an incredible underwater oasis. The hotel was situated against the main exterior bubble of the city, and each room actually bulged out into the open sea.

The Doctor watched the fish swim by while Rose slept on their first night there. He finally fell asleep as a jellyfish lazily drifted past.

The view when he woke up was not so tranquil. Several long tentacles were wrapped around their domed ceiling, and a giant eye peered in through the glass.

His quick indrawn breath and suddenly tense muscles were enough to wake Rose up. “Wha’s wrong?” she asked groggily.

The Doctor had processed what he was looking at, and he was a little embarrassed to have been so easily startled. “Just found a Peeping Tom,” he said, trying to deflect from his own reaction.

Rose rolled slightly and looked up at the ceiling. The Doctor could feel her trying to grasp what she was seeing, and then finally she giggled. “Look, he’s stuck on you, Doctor.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and huffed. “Really, Rose?”

Rose shifted closer to him, sliding her leg over his and wrapping an arm over his chest. “I dunno,” she whispered against his neck. “Stuck on you’s not so bad.”

The Doctor hissed and tilted his head back when she kissed the sensitive spot on his jaw, just below his ear. Rose smiled and scraped her teeth over the spot before sucking gently.

“Yeah, I like being stuck on you.”

The Doctor’s eyes blinked open, his gaze still met by the steady curiosity of the squid. He arched an eyebrow, then rolled over so he was looking down at Rose. “I’d rather watch you than our friendly cephalopod,” he murmured.

Rose laughed again, just as he pressed his lips to hers.

oOoOo

The squid was long gone by the time the Doctor and Rose were enjoying breakfast in bed. “What do you want to do today?” the Doctor asked in between bites of a fluffy pastry.

She shrugged. “Whatever you want. It’s a new planet to both of us—it might be fun to just hit all the main tourist spots.”

She bit into a pinkish fruit, and her eyes widened. “Try this,” she insisted, holding a bite out for him.

The Doctor wrapped his fingers around her wrist to hold her hand steady, then he bent to pull the fruit off her fork with his teeth. As soon as the flavour hit his tongue, he knew why Rose had been so insistent.

“Mmmm, banana.” He smacked his lips and immediately selected another slice from the tray. “A sea banana,” he added gleefully.

“Did you know there were other fruits in the galaxy that tasted like banana?”

He scoffed. “If I knew there were other perfect foods in the world, we would have them at home.”

Rose shook her head and laughed. “Of course, why did I even ask? I guess finding some sea bananas to take home is going on the list of must-see attractions.”

“Oh yes!”

They shared bites back and forth, enjoying all the unique flavours of Critian food. Once the platter was mostly picked clean, Rose kissed him on the cheek and slid out of bed. “Why don’t you look up things to do while I take a shower? I bet you can find out what that fruit is and where we can get some.”

The Doctor took the tour guide tablet from the nightstand and made quick work of his research. He learned that kaju, the sea banana, was a favourite food of the Critians. There were several speciality food shops selling it, but only one farm you could tour. He’d just booked two tickets for the morning tour when Rose exited the en suite, wrapped in a fluffy white robe.

“Your turn.”

He handed her the tablet. “Why don’t you find something for us to do this afternoon?” he suggested.

Rose waited until she heard the shower running, then she pulled out the outfit she’d hidden at the bottom of their suitcase. The soft denim of her favourite dark jeans fit her perfectly, moulded by countless wears.

But her top… She sighed when the soft wool jumper brushed against her cheek as she pulled it over her head. The TARDIS had put it in her closet yesterday when she’d been packing, and Rose hadn’t needed help connecting the dots.

She’d just laced up her black boots when someone knocked on the door. “Concierge service!”

Rose walked to the door, leaving her leather jacket draped over the chair. A uniformed employee stood on the other side of the door, a tray in hand.

“Hi!”

The concierge held out the tray and Rose took the envelope. “Your tickets to the underwater garden just arrived,” they said.

Rose blinked, then she shook her head. “I don’t suppose that’s where those delicious sea bananas are grown.”

As she asked, she heard the shower turn off. She started a mental countdown to when the Doctor would appear.

The Critian tilted their head, a hint of confusion crossing their face. “If by sea bananas, you mean kaju… then yes, this the one public farm where it is grown. After the tour, you will be able to buy some of the fruit to take home.”

Rose laughed. “I bet we will. Thank you,” she told the alien. The employee bowed and exited the room.

“Who was that?” the Doctor called from their bedroom.

“Concierge services with our tour tickets,” Rose replied.

“Oooh, excellent! I hope they have a little shop. A little shop to buy all the kaju we want! Can you imagine, Rose?”

“I’m pretty sure I won’t need to use my imagination by the end of the day,” Rose said under her breath.

“I heard that!” The Doctor’s voice was coming closer, and Rose rubbed her palms on her jeans. “I’ll have you know…”

His mouth fell open when he saw what she was wearing. From a man as verbose as him, his silence was extremely gratifying. “Doctor?”

The Doctor slowly lowered his hands from his tie and walked towards her. His eyes were dark, and anticipation buzzed through Rose as she waited for his response. “That jumper is mine,” he said, his voice raspy.

Rose bit back a smirk. “The TARDIS put it in my closet,” she told him. “Think that means it’s mine now—possession is nine-tenths of the law, after all.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed.

The sleeves hung past her wrists, and Rose pressed her wool-covered hand to her cheek. “‘Sides, I like it. It’s soft.”

His fingers twitched, and Rose waited just a second longer before smiling brightly at him. “Come on, we need to get going if we’re going to make our tour.”

The Doctor gaped at her—at Rose, standing just six feet away from him, wearing clothes that used to be his. Rose, who was now giving him a cheeky smile as she waved the tickets in front of his face.

“Don’t you want to go see the kaju farm?” she asked, almost managing to sound innocent.

He growled and moved quickly to pull Rose into his arms. He could hear her heartbeat speed up and his two hearts held tempo with hers.

“Rose Tyler…”

Her pulse was racing now. “Yes Doctor?” She smiled, teasing him with the tip of her tongue.

The Doctor dipped his head down and pressed his lips to hers, following her tongue back into her mouth. Rose slid her hands over his shoulders and a moment later, he felt them in his hair.

He shivered, and before he could lose himself in the kiss, he slowly pulled back. Rose’s eyes fluttered open, and her passion-glazed expression tempted him again.

Instead, he slowly removed his hands from her waist, tugging on the hem of the jumper as he pulled away. “We’ll come back to this later,” he promised.

She blinked a few times, then smiled up at him. “Oh, yes,” she agreed.

The Doctor took her hand. “But for now, kaju!” Rose laughed as he pulled her out of their suite, and he giggled along with her.

Rose hip checked the Doctor as they left the hotel. He glanced down at her, his eyebrow raised in question. She smiled and shifted closer to him, putting her free hand on his arm.

Nothing. Just love you, that’s all.

Yeah? I love you too.

The Critias streets were busier than they had been the day before, and they arrived at the garden entrance just as the tour was starting. “Wait wait!” The Doctor waved their tickets over his head. “Two more!”

A teenager waved at them from behind the counter. “I can take your tickets!” she said, her high ponytail bobbing with each word. She smiled brightly when the Doctor handed them over. “Have fun! Corin will show you all around the farm.”

They joined the queue, and a young man with a shock of black hair draped over one eye scowled at them. “We all ready then?” he asked.

“Oh yes!” The Doctor bounced on his toes. “This is going to be the highlight of our trip.”

The guide rolled his eyes and turned around. “Come on. The entrance to the tunnels is this way.”

“Tunnels?” Rose asked as he led them along a boring hallway.

He shot her a look over his shoulder. “Well yeah. Kaju grows under the sea. How did you think we were going to get there?”

Rose had half a mind to call him out for his surly attitude, but the Doctor started talking before she could. “I bet you love your job,” he enthused. “You probably get all the kaju you want, for free.”

The kid huffed. “Why would I want any of that nasty stuff?”

They reached a glass door in the exterior bubble of the city, and he turned around and held his hand up. “All right, listen up everyone!” he called out, raising his voice to be heard over the hum of machinery coming from the next room over. “We have built glass tunnels in a path around the kaju beds. Along the tour, you will see kaju in various stages of growth. At the end, you will have a chance to taste fresh kaju, and to buy any of the products we make in the factory you hear behind you.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows. “Please stay with the group at all times. If you do not, you will be escorted out of the tunnels and asked to leave the premises.”

The whole group murmured their assent, and he grunted and opened the doors.

The light in the tunnel was dim. Rose squinted, trying to get a glimpse of the garden before stepping out under the sea. She and the Doctor were at the back of the line, and she gasped when she finally realised why the light was so eerie.

The glass tunnel had formed an arbor for a network of tangled vines. The artificial lights used by the farm filtered through the greenery, like sunlight through the leaves of a thick forest. Rose pressed her hand to the glass and watched the way the leaves drifted in the current.

“Why don’t you like kaju?”

Rose blinked; that was the Doctor’s voice, but it was coming from the other side of the tour group. She looked around and spotted him standing next to their guide, his eyebrow arched in surprise.

Corin was a good six inches shorter than the Doctor, and he scowled up at him. “Because it’s a disgusting fruit and I don’t know why anyone would eat it.”

Determination pulsed over the bond, and Rose groaned. “Excuse me,” she said as she made her way through the tour group to join the Doctor.

“Have you ever had kaju pancakes?” the Doctor asked. “Or kaju toffee pie?”

The kid sneered. “No, thank you.”

He spun on his heel and addressed the whole group. “What you see above you is an arbor of fully grown kaju. As you can see, the plant is a vine that needs some sort of support to grow on. If you’ll follow me, our next stop is a bed of kaju seedlings.”

The group moved slowly through the tunnel. The light changed as the vines overhead thinned. Finally they entered a large, round room, big enough for everyone to look out at the ocean floor.

“Like most vines, kaju can be grown from starts. However, one of the things we sell as a commercial garden are seedlings. Ambitious gardeners buy kaju plants from us to start their own garden.”

“Oh!”

Corin levelled a glare at the Doctor. “They do have to be grown under the ocean, so unless you have a proper growing environment, don’t even bother.”

The Doctor pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth. “Right. Yeah,” he said slowly.

Rose narrowed her eyes. We’ve got regular bananas, remember? She wasn’t sure the TARDIS could make an underwater room, and even if she could, Rose had no desire to start a kaju farm.

The Doctor pouted, but she shook her head firmly. Bananas are perfectly good.

Bananas are brilliant! he corrected. Rose raised an eyebrow and the Doctor rolled his eyes. All right, you win.

They were given five minutes to watch the gardeners carefully tend to the young plants, then Corin led them down another tunnel into a different open room.

Row after row of vines draped over arbors spread out around them. “These kaju plants are at the height of their production cycle. Much of the kaju you eat comes from plants just like these.”

The group murmured and spread out to watch the workers carefully trimming the vines and harvesting ripe fruit. Rose blinked when she realised the whole fruit was small and round. It looked much more like an orange than a banana.

“What about fried kaju? Or kaju served with ice cream and chocolate?”

Rose debated pulling the Doctor back, but Corin really deserved to be pestered. He had been rude from the moment the tour started. So instead, she rocked back on her heels and watched.

“I can’t stand the smell, or the taste, or the texture,” the kid spat out. “The seeds get stuck in your teeth and if you eat too much, it stains your tongue bright pink.”

The Doctor backed away half a step and blinked several times. Corin nodded sharply and spun around to walk away.

Rose joined the Doctor then and tugged on his sleeve before he could chase after the kid. You can suggest other preparations later, she told him, feeling slightly mischievous. Maybe he should try kaju bread, or chocolate dipped kaju.

The Doctor nodded, then stuck his tongue out for her to examine. “Ish ma tongue bwight pink?” he asked.

Rose laughed. “Nope, just regular pink. Apparently you haven’t had enough kaju yet.”

It was mesmerising to look at the evenly laid out rows of kaju and the careful way the attendants cared for the vines. But after ten minutes, they were directed down another tunnel, back to a door.

“The garden part of our tour is over,” Corin declared dramatically. “Behind this door, you’ll find the factory where we produce kaju jam and other items for sale. Please take a pair of noise cancelling headphones when you step inside. The machines are incredibly loud.”

Rose winced when he opened the door. The entire group pressed their hands to their ears until they passed through the door and could take a pair of the headphones.

How are we supposed to hear the dulcet tones of our tour guide like this?

She needn’t have worried. His grumpy voice came through the headphones, and when she looked at him, she realised his headset had a microphone as well.

“Today we’re manufacturing kaju pie filling,” he said, gesturing at the conveyor belt where empty glass jars were filled with a creamy, kaju coloured filling. “The filling is produced in that large vat over there.” He pointed up at a vat near the top of the production line. “Raw kaju is cooked down and blended, then sugar and spices are added.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Rose saw the Doctor nodding. She shook her head; she had a feeling there was a kaju pie in their future.

They watched the assembly line for a few minutes longer. After the jars were filled with pie filling, lids were tightly sealed on and labels wrapped on the jar. Then they shot down to the end of the line where they were packed in boxes by workers.

“If you’ll follow me.”

The tour group slowly filtered out of the factory back into the blessedly quiet hallway. Two employees were waiting, one ready to take the headphones from them and another with a tray of sliced kaju.

Corin opened the door to the sales room and gestured through it. “That concludes our tour. You are now free to buy as much kaju merchandise as you would like.”

The Doctor sidled up to him. “Have you ever tried kaju bread?” he asked.

The young man’s face turned red, but the Doctor ignored it.

“What about chocolate dipped kaju? Dip slices in chocolate and then freeze them. Fantastic treat for a hot day.” He paused and scratched his sideburn. “Er, is it ever hot here?”

“Listen,” Corin growled. “I do not like kaju. I will never like kaju. It doesn’t matter how it’s prepared, it’s a vile fruit and I refuse to eat it.” He smirked suddenly. “But if you like it so much…”

He ran off quickly before the Doctor could say anything. A moment later he was back with a jar in his hand. “Kaju jam.” He ran off again and returned with two large tubs. “Kaju butter and kaju yogurt.” He left and came back with bags in hand. “Kaju fruit leather, chocolate covered kaju, and dried kaju.”

The Doctor’s arms were full. He stared down at the bounty then up at the guide. “Thank you!”

The uncharacteristic smile melted away into the familiar scowl. “You are an absolute nutter,” the kid growled. Then he spun around and stalked off.

The Doctor heard something rolling on the floor and turned around to see Rose with a trolley. She took a few items out of his hands and they filled the cart with everything the guide had brought.

“What was that about?” the Doctor asked, still wondering what had gotten into the guide.

Rose laughed. “I think he thought that if he brought you enough kaju products, you would realise it was disgusting. Then you’d have to find a way to put it all back.”

“Huh.” The Doctor scratched at his sideburn. “Well, let’s see what other kaju products we can find.”

Thirty minutes later, they left the farm with several bags full of kaju products. By mutual agreement, they detoured to the TARDIS to put it all away.

The ship sang to Rose as they walked through the door, and she started laughing. “Someone’s glad I talked you out of growing our own kaju,” she told the Doctor.

oOoOo

The street lights had shifted from their bright daytime mode to a nighttime setting when the Doctor and Rose finally made their way back to the hotel. Street musicians played beneath the street lights, and stray cats darted into the shadowy corners to hide.

The Doctor swiped their keycard over the pad and the door slid open. It closed silently behind them after they entered the room. Rose tapped the lamp and soft light filled the room.

“So was that a good way to spend our fourth anniversary?”she asked him.

He chuckled. “It was a brilliant way to spend our anniversary,” he agreed as he shrugged out of his coat.

He had just tossed it onto the coat rack when someone knocked sharply on the door. Rose raised an eyebrow, and he grinned at her. “Just a little late night snack I ordered for us,” he told her. “Why don’t you go get settled in the living room and I’ll bring it in.” He waited for her to move into the living room, then tapped the door control.

“Your dessert, sir,” the server said, presenting a covered tray with a flourish.

The Doctor lifted the silver cover just enough to make sure everything was as ordered. Chocolate, kaju, mellora berries, and a decanted bottle of Rigellian wine. Perfect.

“Thank you.” He took the tray and the server nodded once, then walked away.

Rose was curled up on the sofa under a blanket when the Doctor entered the living room. He set the tray down on the coffee table and crossed the room to the fireplace controls. “This will warm things up pretty quickly,” he said once the cheery gaslit flames started.

He stuck his tongue out at Rose as he walked back to her. “I suppose it’s a good thing you filched that jumper from me,” he teased. “They don’t exactly keep the ambient temperature of Critias very warm.”

He started to pour two glasses of the wine, while still watching Rose from the corner of his eye. She rubbed her cheek against the jumper again and shook her head.

“That’s not why I wore it,” she said quietly.

The Doctor set the decanter down and turned to face Rose. Her playful attitude had faded into something softer and warmer. “Then why did you wear it?” he asked, genuinely curious. “To turn me on?”

Her eyes twinkled. “A little. But mostly…” She reached for his hand. “This jumper is something from who you were when I met you. Today’s our anniversary and…” She brushed her thumb over his pulse points. “And I married that Doctor, too.”

The Doctor opened his mouth, but he couldn’t push words past the lump in his throat. Instead, he slid closer to Rose on the sofa and reached for her over the bond at the same time.

I love you. He brushed his fingers over her cheek, and when Rose tipped her face upwards, he took the invitation and pressed a kiss to her lips. I love you now and I loved you then. You are my forever, both past and future.

Rose sighed and scraped her fingernails over his scalp. I loved that you, with your leather jacket and jumpers. I love this you, with your suits and Chucks. You have always been my Doctor.

The Doctor moved his hand down to Rose’s waist so he could pull her closer. As she shifted into his lap, the feeling of soft skin under his hand pulled him out of the kiss. He looked down at the bare leg slung over his own and swallowed.

“Are you…” His voice squeaked and he cleared his throat. “Are you wearing anything under that jumper?”

Rose slid her hands over his shoulders and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Why don’t you find out?” she suggested.

The Doctor closed his eyes and took several shallow breaths. Then he shifted his weight and pushed himself to his feet, holding Rose close as he stood up. “I think it’s time for a change in venue.”

oOoOo

A visit to Critias was almost like a beach holiday, except in all the ways it wasn’t. Their ocean view room gave them a view into the underwater life instead of the surface. They didn’t see their squid friend again, but several other forms of sea life floated by to say hello.

They rented diving equipment and went out into the water, but they couldn’t feel the sun on their faces. The marine animals around the resort were so accustomed to visitors that they didn’t move as the Doctor and Rose slowly swam past.

But the strangest difference, and the one that helped Rose when it came time to leave, was that there were no sunsets. She loved watching the sun set over the ocean, but they couldn’t even see the sun from who knew how many leagues under the sea.

There were no stars, either, and after a week beneath the surface of the ocean, both she and the Doctor were ready to be out in the open air.

They packed up their belongings and paid their bill, then walked back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor slung his coat over a strut and circled the console, adjusting the navigation controls as he went. “Be careful,” Rose warned as he spun a dial wildly before stopping it and twisting it into place. “Remember what Donna threatened to do if we don’t pick them up on time.”

He clapped his hands to his head, protecting his hair. “That is not happening,” he declared adamantly. “Not in this lifetime. This body would not look good with platinum blond hair.”

Rose nodded. “Then watch what you’re doing while you’re setting the coordinates.”

The Doctor huffed, but he slowed down, being careful to notch each dial in exactly the right spot. Rose watched, and she nodded when he set the last one in place.

“All right, let’s go.” Being closer to the dematerialisation lever, she grabbed it and shoved it into place.

The TARDIS made a grinding sound as she moved into the Vortex, and Rose stroked the console. “Come on, old girl,” she muttered. “I know you’ll take us where we need to go.” The grinding didn’t stop, but a soft hum joined it. Both Rose and the Doctor let out a breath.

The landing rocked them a little, but they straightened up and walked to the door. The Doctor reached it first and reached for the handle. “Come on, Rose. Let’s enjoy the look on Donna’s face when she realises we’ve made a perfect landing.”

The first thing he registered when he opened the door was that it was night. Well, a few hours off, he reasoned, even as his hearts sank into his plimsolls. Maybe we’re early, even.

But not only was it not morning, they were nowhere near a city. He stared at the large house in front of them, trying to make sense of where they were.

Rose patted him on the arm. “I think you’ll look gorgeous as a blond.”

#ficandchips #ten x rose #dwfic #fic by Nancy #doctorroseprompts #this is your surprise bonus chapter this week #next week we'll be back to every tuesday like always

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dameronology · 2 years

Text

the only person (javier pena)

summary: breaking up when you're still in love sucks (part of the right person, wrong time collection)

warnings: angst, sadness, my terrible spanish

enjoy and also sorry

- jazz xx

"Despierta, querido."

The sound of Javier's gravelly morning voice pulled you from your sleep.

It was 6AM on a Tuesday - far too early to be up. Even more so to be packing up your shit and hauling ass to the airport. You'd barely slept at all, having only drifted off to sleep an hour ago. Your brain had been plagued with anxiety all night - at saying goodbye, at leaving the familiar, at leaving Javier - until you'd been so exhausted til you had no choice but to sleep. It was funny in a way, because until that point, his bedroom had been your safe space. Four walls that contained nothing but clutter, crap, you and him. Your anxiety had never manifested under his ridiculously scratchy cotton sheets, nor had your worries invaded the cracked, beige walls or cold, tile floors. The air was always sweet with your unspoken feelings, tinged with the scents of tobacco and his expensive-as-fuck aftershave.

And now you had to leave. For fucking Florida.

The decision hadn't been easy. In fact, it had plagued you for weeks and weeks - a promotion, overseas back with Uncle Sam, heading up an entire DEA Office. It was the job you'd longed for, even as a kid, even back before you were a rookie. Very few people got the opportunity and maybe that was why you couldn't think of a logical reason to turn it down.

Now, with Javier's large hands tracing your back, soft lips pressed to the nape of your neck, you could think of a thousand. You wanted to cling onto him forever, in nothing but a haze of cigarette smoke and the ecstasy of him. Maybe the job wasn't what you wanted, even less what you needed. So what if it was all you wanted since you were sixteen years old? You'd grown since then. You'd changed. You'd learn things. Sometimes it felt like you hadn't known anything til you'd met Javi.

"Not yet," you murmured.

"Your flight leaves in three hours," Javi murmured, breathing tickling the back of your neck. His hands found their way to your hips, pulling you close towards him. "It's kind of important-"

"- no, it's not," you cut him off, trying to mask the tired groan in your voice.

You'd spoken about making it work. Multiple times. And every one of those conversations had lasted for hours.

Relationships in your line of work was hard. Even more so when you both in the same profession. There were times where it was hard enough to keep your relationship alive when you were in the same room, let alone different fucking countries. Javier was so unavailable - emotionally, physically, mentally - that he needed you right next to him. And that was just at the best of times.

It would never work long-distance. The thought alone was exhausting.

"Baby," Javier faltered for a second. "I don't want to do this any more than you do."

"So let's not do it then," you murmured, nose brushing against his. "I'll stay here. I'll call the new office and I'll just...I'll call it off. No-one has to leave or go anywhere. I'll just stay right here and nothing will change."

He let out a low chuckle, though it didn't feel genuine. "I want that more than anything in the world but that's not how it works."

"Then we'll make it be how it works-"

"- your Visa runs out today," he reminded you, "and they've already hired someone to fill your place here."

"It's like you're not even trying to support my delusions of grandeur, Jav," you huffed.

"C'mon," he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Get dressed. I'll make breakfast."

Javier had always been good at avoiding important conversations. He'd done it for the first few months of your relationship and he was doing it now. This was just as difficult for him as it was for you, but he was better at pretending like it wasn't happening. You knew him, and you knew he wanted to let you go and grieve for your relationship on his own terms, in his own time. That was why he was being so devoid of emotion now. He just wanted to enjoy what little time you had left together.

You scowled and rolled out of bed. Wrapping the sheets around your torso, you hurried after Javier as he went into the kitchen.

"Jav, I'm serious," you called. "Why aren't you...why aren't you more..."

He turned to face you. "Why aren't I more what?"

"I don't know!" you flailed your hands in the air. "Sad? Angry? Just...something more than being fucking normal, Javier!"

"I am sad," he replied, though his voice was deadpan. "And I am angry."

"You're not fucking acting like it," you sniffed.

"You know I'm not good with this stuff," he shot back. "But if you really wanna know? I've never been hurting more than I am right now. I feel like I'm losing the most important person in my life-"

"- you don't have to lose me!" you cut him off again. "We can work it out, can't we?"

Javier sighed, mouth twitching for a moment. He was frozen, unsure of what to say. You were right. He knew you were right. With the right amount of effort, things might be able to work, but that was just it: it was a might. A maybe. A possibility but not a guarantee. And running the risk of letting things go bad rather than ending on your own terms just wasn't something he could.

"We've spoken about this," he said, "and honey, I can't let myself try."

"Why not?" you didn't mean for your voice to break.

"Because what if we end up hating each other?" Javi pushed. "What if we can't make it work?"

"I could never hate you," you murmured, reaching out a hand.

Truth was, you had hated Javier a little bit when he'd told you he wanted to break up. Even though you knew he was right, and even though you knew it was for the best, some silly part of you had so desperately wanted to hold on.

"Can we please just have a nice morning?" he quietly asked. "It'll make it easier to say goodbye."

You tangled your fingers with his and pulled him towards you, wrapping your arms around his waist. Your bodies collided with a soft thud, filling the painful silence in the kitchen.

"Yeah," your voice was muffled, head pressed into his chest. "Of course. I'm sorry."

The rest of the morning was as normal as it could be.

You ate together and drank coffee together - the conversation wasn't as present as normal, nor was that feeling of domestic bliss. Everything you and said did, from sitting in the kitchen to loading your stuff into his Jeep, was tainted by the overcast of knowing. Knowing that this was it.

Javier was silent as you drove to the airport; it was only a short journey but he spent the entirety of it with one hand on your thigh, the other white-knuckled on the steering wheel. There was barely any traffic out because of how early it was, but part of you wished it was rush hour. At least then you'd have longer together in the car.

You hopped out the car at the airport, dragging your suitcase behind you as you crossed the lot. Javi trailed behind you, hands resting in his back pockets and early morning sun glinting off of his Aviators. He was trying to be suave as always - calm, at the minimum - but inside, it felt like he was drowning. Heart racing and throat dry, faced with the fact that most of what was about to happen had been his choice.

Part of him had always hoped that you were going to fight back: beg him to make it work, or at least for him to come with you. And except from your brief imploring earlier in the kitchen, you hadn't. His heart had broken a little at that. If only he hadn't had so much pride. If only his ego hadn't stopped him from begging you. He'd get on his hands and knees now if it meant you would stay.

"I can't come through customs with you," Javier grabbed your hand, stopping you in your tracks, "not without a ticket."

You gave him a soft smile. "So buy a ticket then."

Yeah, that thought had played on his mind constantly over the last few weeks.

It was the feeling of knowing: knowing that if there wasn't something to rip you away, this would have been it for both of you. You hadn't been together long enough to talk about marriage or kids but if it was gonna happen with anyone, it would have been you.

"You know I would if I could," he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

You glanced up at the flight departures behind you, letting out a sigh. "I should get going."

"Mmm," he hummed. "So this is it?"

"Don't..." you trailed off. "Don't act like this is goodbye, Jav."

"It kinda feels like it is."

"But if we pretend it isn't, maybe it won't be."

Javier's hands found their way to your hips, pulling you towards him. He crashed his lips onto yours - you'd shared passionate kisses before, but this particular one was laced with more emotion than he'd ever shown. You were going to cling onto that for a long time.

"I love you," you murmured, resting your forehead.

"I love you too."

You pulled back from him, not fully turning away until you absolutely had to.

Javier was going to leave that airport a single man - not that it mattered. It wasn't a case of being the right person at the wrong time. Not when you were the only person.

#javier pena x reader #javier pena imagine #javier pena imagines #javier pena reader insert #javier pena x you #javier pena reader inserts #javier pena angst #javier pena fan fiction #pedro pascal characters

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notasdriedapricots · 3 years

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"Bite that lip one more time. I dare you."

Just an overload of domestic fluff. Not much else to it. From a daily prompt from last week. The link to AO3 is in the title if you prefer that. 1.7k words.

Another hummed little fragment of a vaguely familiar melody, followed by another tiny sigh, made Lucas look up from his book for the twentieth time in the last two hours.

"I'm trying to read over here, you know?"

Despite the complaint in his words, his tone was light. Slightly amused, even. He'd spent most of the afternoon with his gaze switching between the book and Liz, ending up inevitably lingering on her a couple minutes longer than necessary every time. She sat at the high bar she'd covered with scores, framed by the cold light that made it past the clouds and through the glass wall behind her. Far more eye-catching than his reading.

"Sorry," she replied absentmindedly as she shuffled the papers around and put one foot up on her chair to rest her chin on her knee. With one earbud on from her computer on the stool next to her, she didn't pick up on his tone. "I- There you are!" She fished out a page from the pile. "I'll move to the study if I'm bothering you too much…" Her voice faded when she realised doing that wouldn't exactly be an easy task.

"You're not bothering me, you're distracting me."

She frowned at her papers. "And doesn't that bother you?"

"No."

She finally looked up to find his amused smile. "Well, in that case, would you shut up?" she laughed. "Or move? You distracting me does bother me." Her eyes fell back on the sheet music filled with annotations. She sighed and bit her lip. "I need to finish this arrangement by Tuesday and I'm only half-way there."

Lucas didn't respond, putting his book down instead. He'd barely seen her all week, and after their usual breakfast at their favourite bakery, she'd come back straight to work. He understood she didn't have much of a choice, so he settled for what he could get, which at the moment reduced to sharing a space with her, keeping her quiet company. But what he wanted was to lift her into his arms and get her to their bedroom, away from that ridiculously big pile of scores.

The fact that every time she hummed, and therefore every time he looked up to watch her, she was biting her lip under a furrowed brow was not particularly helping. After two hours they looked like she was wearing lipstick, and even though they obviously didn't hurt as she kept doing it, the sight only made Lucas wish more and more those were his teeth instead of hers.

Another hum, another quick annotation, another little drum of the pencil as she bit her thumb this time. He leaned back on the couch, crossing his arms over his exposed chest and putting his feet up on the coffee table. If his entire afternoon consisted on sitting there, watching her think, so be it.

Liz stared at the notes in front of her as the passage played quietly on her right ear for the fifth time. She always took arranging seriously, but this being the first time she had to do it for her new job was a new level of pressure. She looked up at the high ceiling, struggling to come up with a creative change that would at the same time be respectful of the original composer. A couple options flashed through her mind, and when she settled on one she dropped her gaze again to note it, but Lucas caught her eye. He was just silently staring at her, his arms still crossed and his head tilting to the side.

She leaned on her elbows, over the pages. "What?"

Lucas just smiled. "'What' what?"

"What is it? Why are you looking at me like that? What do you want?"

"Oh, darling…"

"Okay," she couldn't help a laugh, "wrong question for you. But seriously, what?"

"I told you, you're distracting me."

She looked pointedly at him, arms still crossed and feet still on the table. Book still abandoned. "Distracting you from what, exactly?"

"From literally everything else, Liz."

She rolled her eyes, containing a smile as she licked her lips before biting them again. "Oh, is that so?" He raised an eyebrow.

"It is. Not that I'm complaining."

"Oh, 'cause you could 'look at me all day' or some bullshit?"

"Of course."

Liz sighed and shook her head. She tried to return to her work, but his gaze burned her skin even from the other end of the room. "Do you really have nothing better to do?"

"Better? Nope."

"Anything, you know, productive?"

"Oh, sure, but as we've established, I'm too distracted."

"If I can work with my devastatingly handsome, shirtless boyfriend in the same room, you can surely manage to do something."

"You know flattery will get you everywhere with me."

She bit her lip again and faked a confused look. "I have been everywhere with you… At least in this flat…"

He touched his tongue to a molar for a brief second before his voice dropped lower. "Bite that lip one more time, Liz. I fucking dare you."

Her eyes sparkled at the challenge. Putting her pencil down, her tongue ran over her bottom lip. She bit her thumb as a cheeky grin spread on her face and she lifted one eyebrow. "'Dare', huh? What if I do?"

As he slowly set his feet on the ground she sat straighter, their gazes locked.

"What, Lucas?"

He stood up with a smile that turned into a laugh when she darted to the front door and out to the hall. "Come back here!" He stood at the door and saw the elevator's indicator go down. But he knew she wouldn't be dumb enough to take it when he would beat her to it through the stairs. So he walked down the hall and opened the door to the staircase, listening for footsteps.

And he did hear them. Just not echoing in the staircase but instead running light behind him. He turned around just in time to see Liz run back into the flat and slam the door with a giggle.

Inside, Liz looked around for the keys as she leaned all her weight against the door. She saw the knob move and then a quick knock.

"Come on, Liz." There was playfulness in his voice. "Nice one, but let me back in."

Liz dig her hand into several pockets from the coats hanging next to the door, with no luck. "Why? So you can keep me from finishing my arrangement?" She ducked to look under the side table. "Go for a walk. Go visit Leslie; I bet she'll love shirtless you."

Lucas laughed out loud. Leslie was the sweet old lady across the hall, his only neighbour on that floor that had declared herself his honorary grandaunt. "Sure she would." He leaned down to check the lock, and then pushed the door with a smile.

"Nononono-" Liz tried to keep him out as she laughed, but he opened the door just enough to slip in. It shut with a slam when he let it go and her weight fell on it again. He put both hands on the wood either side of her as she turned around, trapped in his arms. "You're no fun."

"I'm very fun, as you very much know. I dared you to bite those lips again…"

She rose to her toes, hooking her arms around his neck to pull him closer. Her mouth ghosted his. "And I didn't. So let me go, Koh."

He barked a laugh and kissed her forehead. "Ah, technicalities…" He grabbed her waist and lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his torso.

Liz cupped his face, softly stroking his cheeks as she studied his expression. "What are you thinking right now?"

He offered a weak smile and then touched his forehead to hers with a sigh. "I just miss you, that's all." She was about to respond when he cut her off. "I know. I know it's temporary, and that we'll get our Saturdays back, don't worry about it." He kissed her cheek and nodded towards the table. "I'll let you get back to work."

His hands moved from her thighs to her waist to put her down, but she hugged his shoulders and tightened her legs around him. "I can take a little break." She felt his hands travelling down again, this time settling on her ass and squeezing.

"Little won't do, and you know that."

"Well, it's little or nothing…"

He patted her thigh twice and clicked his tongue. "See you tonight, then."

"Oh, come on!" He was literally pinning her against a door, after telling her he missed her. There was no way she was going back to music now. "Fine, how much time do you want?"

"All the time we need, darling…" She rolled her eyes. "Think about it. How much easier it'll be to go back to work after. How much more creative you'll feel…"

Liz let her head fall back with a light laugh. And when she looked back at him, she unconsciously bit her lip. Lucas' mouth crashed against hers, kissing her deeply while he pressed her against the door. Her hands raked his hair and she smiled against his lips, making up her mind as she kissed him back just as hungrily.

"Guess I had that one coming," she panted when they broke away.

"Take it as a warning."

"A warning? So you're threatening me with a good time? What do I get if I do it again?"

"I'll put you down and go for a run."

She cackled. "What do I get if I bite your lips?"

He kissed under her jaw. "The couch."

"Just the couch? How do I get the bed?"

Lucas nipped at her chin, before looking back at her. "You let me do the biting."

She bit her tongue with a wide grin, and then leaned in to press her lips softly to his. Not kissing him, just… tempting him. Daring him. He grinned back and graced her bottom lip with his teeth before capturing her mouth in another fiery kiss and walking them to the bedroom.

#Fireflies #this is still sofi tries to write but with a moodboard tbf #litg #litg fanfic #litg lucas

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iwavibes · 3 years

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𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ;; thirty five

----haikyuu social media au

iwaizumi y/n, nekoma's second year manager, has always been in love with kozume kenma. in an attempt to get her to move on, her two best friends introduce her to the prettiest boys they know.

besides, the only way to move on is to actually move on, right?

prev • masterlist • next

word count: 1k+

You took a deep breath as you came face to face with the gate, the only thing separating you from the boy on the other side. You took a quick glance at the opened messages on your phone. Seen. It hurt you to know that your best friend was purposefully ignoring you. You were fine two days ago. You wondered what changed or what you might've done to make him act this way.

Your eyes sparked up at the sound of a message notification, your eyes zeroing in on the message Shirabu sent.

'it will ♥️'

And you felt the weight on your shoulders lighten at that. Even though he didn't know what it was about, his words comforted you like no other. Especially at this exact moment.

Mustering up every bit of courage you have in you, you pushed the gate open. The moment you lock eyes with the tired but nervous ones he held, you could feel your earlier bravery dwindle away almost instantly.

"Kenma…" you breathed out. Your voice sounded like you've run a marathon when in fact, it was your nerves eating you away.

"Y/n…" he replied, almost as nervous as you were.

"L-look…" you started. "About what happened last week…" you couldn't seem to look him in the eyes, instead fixating your gaze on the ground. You sneaked a glance his way, only to see a pair of expectant eyes staring back.

You didn't know what he wanted you to say nor what he was thinking. But you've rehearsed this a hundred times, a thousand if you counted the ones you did in your head, and so the words tumbled out of your lips before you could stop it. You looked away.

"It was a mistake." You say with every bit of faux conviction you could conjure up. "It was all just a rush of emotions, you know? I didn't know what came over me when I did it. A spur in the moment. Like one of those time limited missions in story games and you have to pick a choice fast? I'm sorry. That was a very dick move and the fact that I'm telling you it was a mistake is even worse. I just… don't know what I was thinking." You were rambling now, you know you were but you can't seem to stop. "We've been friends for years now and you're one of the rare people that stuck to my side even after that incident. I cherish that. The fact that you didn't care and that you were happy to be friends with me. It sucks that I have to move away so abruptly. I really want to leave everything on a good note and not awkward… but I can't help but think that I just ruined everything."

"I-is that what you want?" His voice was soft. Like a newly fluffed pillow and gentle like a sweet lullaby.. But there was also a twinge of hesitancy imbued in the way he spoke. You can sense it.

You closed your eyes before nodding your head. "Yes."

You hear him sigh. What was it? Relief? Defeat? You didn't know. A flurry of emotions raged through your body and you stiffen at the silence.

If you could only look his way. Look at the expression he was wearing. See the disappointed eyes that bore on your turned skull. Maybe you would've thought twice about what you've said. But it was all out there now and you felt too ashamed to even steal a glance as you felt his arms wrapped around you.

You felt your cheeks burn at the contact, not really expecting him to hold you this close nor initiate something so intimate.

He rested his chin on your shoulder, holding you firmly by your waist as you hesitantly wrapped your arms around him.

"You didn't ruin anything y/n." He whispered. "I don't think you could, even if you tried. You're my friend. And I would pick you over anything."

You didn't understand what he meant by that last statement, too relieved to even process anything right now as you pulled him closer.

"I'll miss you, Kenma. I'll miss you so much." You whispered, voice shaky as tears began to form in your eyes.

At this, you feel his hand on your head, stroking the strands of your hair in comfort. "I'll miss you too, y/n. More than you'll ever know."

If you could just pull away to look at him, maybe you would've seen the few tears that streamed down his cheeks. You would've seen the desperation, and the longing those glossy eyes of his held.

He wiped them off once he was ready to pull away. A small smile on his lips as you tried to give him one back.

He patted your head one last time. You watched as he took a step back before reaching down to one of his pockets. He held a small trinket towards you, a small blank cat with a wide smirk.

"To remember us by." He said, placing it on your awaiting hands.

You looked up at him in appreciation. "Thank you."

"I'll see you soon, y/n." He knew how much hated goodbyes. He's observed it with the way you always tell him and the others that you'll see them soon. Because soon holds a promise and you didn't want to say goodbye just yet.

"See you soon, Kenma." You say with finality.

And that was it. You probably needed to fix your stuff again and Kenma didn't want to hold you out for too long. So with one final wave, he begins walking away.

You watched him for a moment, staring at his retreating form as you hoped to see him turn around. To give you one final glance, a smile, anything. The moment felt too short that you almost felt like it was all a dream.

You sighed, looking down on the small keychain on your palms. You turned it around to see a small note of sorts written on the back.

'Connect. No matter what. We'll see each other soon.'

Meanwhile, as Kenma walked blocks away from your house, he couldn't help but sigh once more in defeat. The hot air of the day pinching at his cheeks as he looked up to keep the small tears threatening to spill at bay.

"Ahh I lost."

NOTE: when i said this was gonna be long i meant it. that's the end of act one!! thank you all so much for the support you have given this smau so far. pretty setters will be back on DECEMBER 1 6AM ph standard time and will be updated every tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday!!

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