#nice comments make the writing machine get excited

[macawritesupdates]

Hey essay anon here, I got everything turned in. Thank God that's finally over. now I get to relax and enjoy your fun comedy fics. I bet lessons will be super relaxing with no emotional gut punches 😃

*opens fic: it starts with yuuji thinking back to his childhood trauma of unintentional neglect from his grandfather due to health issues and how he was isolated and lonely as a child so he simply began to act like a clown to get any positive attention at all

🥺😢😭

Hey wait that hurts oh no oh god in chapter one he was having sex that he didn't really enjoy its clearly the same kind of behavior just made worse over time oh man absolutely wonderful characterization but also why must you hurt me.

Thank God sukuna just experienced sympathy for the first time in his life. It's wild to think that his brand of possessive love might be just what yuuji needs after a lifetime of loneliness.

Loved the theme park. I didn't even think of gojo, I was just fully willing to accept that the parks mascot was some sort of protective spirit or God or smt. Like that cat who became a kami of a train station, you know. Honestly, it would be hilarious if a spirit like susumu got confused and mistook a theme park for a shine that needed protection.

I'm gonna cry over yuuji taking notes on what kinds of food sukuna actually likes he is the best boy alive.

Ya know what sukuna can have a little over protective yuuji dealing with assholes for him as a treat. I loved that good for them.

Oh fuck yes ending on a high note with some good old fashioned breeding kink and cuddling... wait yuuji sukuna the pull out method doesn't work very well ... guys no this is how we accidentally knock up the king of curses! ... actually... that would be pretty hot 🫣😈😎

Yuuji 's sadness got through and Sukuna felt something and is like I'm going to take the brat to a theme park because that will make him stop being sad and get back to hating me!

It helps to build their weird relationship, that's for sure! Both of them hating but having to deal with the other one has...feelings??? It is a fun fic to play with, def my guilty pleasure fic to write! Thank you for your kind comments and glad you got everything turned in! <3

[sprite-writes]

failed romantics

Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Reader (original female character)

Summary: Secrets can’t be kept forever, and what better time to reveal them than the Enterprise night shift.

Word Count: 5,902

A/N: yay another chapter!! I have been so excited to write this one since I started this series, I hope you all like it. As always very special thanks to @lightning-writes without them these chapters would literally never get finished LOL immediately after finishing this plz go check out their bucky series; good heart (faulty machine of a man) it kills me in the best way. anyways, thank you for reading plz like + comment if you enjoyed :)

Leonard can only barely make out Kirk’s face under the dim bulb, but he is pissed enough that Jim’s mug is the last thing he wants to see. The music is loud, so goddamn loud , loud enough that the whiskey did nothing for his headache. 

“This is not what I had in mind when you said you knew a place,” he yells over the music, staring down the side of Kirk's face. 

“What?” the captain calls back, still oblivious to Leonard's scowl. Kirk is absent, completely distracted by the crowd, more specifically the women . His gaze filters from person to person as they pass by the table, a dumb smile on his face the entire time. If steam could come out of Leonard’s ears, it would. 

“I said this isn't what I had in mind for tonight.” He reaches across the table and firmly flicks his friend’s temple. 

“Hey! What's your problem?” Kirk whines. Leonard is satisfied to have gotten his attention—finally. 

“You said you knew a nice place– you said it was a bar!” 

“Yeah and? This is both of those things!” 

“This is a goddamned petri dish!” 

It is. Leonard has refused to even allow his bare skin to touch the tabletop, weary of the unknown sticky substances covering it. There are so many bodies— human and otherwise— packed into the space, it's suffocating, and certainly a fire hazard. It's gross, downright unsanitary, and fucking loud.  

“You’re dramatic, Bones, it's nice enough. Loosen up! Maybe try to meet somebody. We’re only in Yorktown for a day, y’know?” 

Tipsy Kirk is a fucking idiot. 

Leonard recoils at the idea. The captain has gained this…habit lately. This advice-giving habit where he tells Leonard to relax, to get out there, to get laid, and every time it passes through Kirk's lips, Leonard becomes nauseous. He abhors this subject, he really does. The only thing he hates talking about more than his dating life is why he doesn’t have one. Sure, he hasn't had much of one since the divorce anyway, but whatever he did have quickly reduced to nothing after meeting Sunshine. He feels so childish even mulling his thoughts over, and how it feels pointless to consider any other woman interesting since he has already met Sunshine, who is the most interesting. Interesting and pretty. Interesting and pretty and kind. He shakes his head before he starts down his mental list (again). Somedays, it feels like his feelings will swallow him whole. It has been so long since he felt it, the wanting . Wanting to talk to her all the time, or hold her hand, or just be around her. It all makes him feel so juvenile, like he’s a lovesick teenager. She makes him feel like a lovesick teenager. It is the single most frustrating thing he’d ever experienced.

“I don't wanna associate with anyone who willingly steps foot inside this shithole,” he snaps, “C’mon man, let's go.” Kirk protests, of course, even more so as Leonard grabs him by the ear and pulls him up from the chair. He tells himself he’s doing Kirk a favor, that the last thing he needs is a hookup— that he’s certainly not taking out his frustrations on his friend. 

The pair weave through the bodies, with Kirk stumbling after his friend and out the door. The cool breeze hits them like a breath of fresh air, and Leonard takes it in. Kirk, on the other hand, furiously rubs his reddened ear. 

“What the hell was that for? Are you out to get me tonight?” 

Leonard feels a quick pang of sympathy, regretting lashing out. 

“Look, I’m sorry, but that place had me sweating like a damn sinner in church, there’s other bars, and it's getting late anyways–”

Kirk would usually push it, and Leonard could tell he wants to, which makes him all the more thankful he doesn’t.  

“Fine, fine, whatever but we are drinking when we get back to the ship,” he settles, leading the way home. 

Yorktown is cold and downright industrial. Leonard hates it. He would usually be thankful for a pit stop if it means he can feel non-artificial gravity, but, between the dirty club and Kirk’s antagonizing, he’s ready to be spacebound again. Both the Enterprise and the USS Endeavor are in Yorktown for the night, in the process of a personnel transfer. The streets are crawling with Starfleet members.

They walk in silence for most of the way, observing the larger-than-life city and the star crafts buzzing overhead. Leonard would be lying if he said he doesn’t feel a bit empty.  Perhaps the low-lit, music-blaring monstrosity would have felt more tolerable if a certain lieutenant was with him and not stuck with the enterprise night crew. 

“You know, I wouldn’t have even known that place existed if it wasn’t for Sunny,” Kirk laughs. Leonard scrunches his nose. 

“She recommended that barnyard?” he scoffs. 

“Oh god no, she told me to stay away from it. Said it was the grimiest place on this side of the universe. I just thought it sounded like a good time, y’know?” 

Leonard stares, really stares, and wonders why he keeps expecting better of Kirk. 

“You’re an idiot, and an ass. The woman gives you stellar advice, and you ignore it, and stick her with the skeleton crew.” 

Kirk stops so abruptly, that Leonard stumbles over him. 

“ I didn’t put her on the skeleton crew, she requested to be. You think I would make her work more than she already does? I’m not a tyrant, Bones.” 

What?  

“What?” Leonard says out loud. “Why would she ask to be holed up on the enterprise all leave?” 

“I mean, I would too if the alternative was running into my ex and all his coworkers.” 

Kirk laughs, Leonard’s head spins. 

“Her ex?” 

“Yeah her— she didn’t tell you any of this?” 

“She said she wanted Jameson to oversee the transfer, give him more experience or something, so you put her on his night shift.” 

“No? She wanted Jameson to do it because she used to be engaged to the Endeavors head of security.” 

Leonard blinks. And blinks again. 

“Dude, I don’t even know how to change the schedule,” Kirk adds. 

 Suddenly, despite talking to her everyday for close to a year, she feels unfamiliar. Engaged? He can hardly imagine it, nor does he want to. Pictures of Sunshine flash through his mind, and he clenches his fist. 

“Didn’t know she had been engaged,” he feigns a casual tone.

Kirk furrows his brows. 

“ You didn’t know? You of all people?” Leonard shrugs, as his stomach forms a knot. “She tells you everything, and she’s never mentioned Ryder?”

“Christ, his name is Ryder ?”

“I know! Douchebag name, right?” 

He doesn’t respond for a beat, which turns into several beats. The gears in his head turn and turn. Engaged . He doesn’t understand why the idea eats at him. He himself had been married for years. So what if she was engaged? There is no reason for him to be upset that his friend—a coworker–had an ex. 

He feels nauseous. 

Kirk clears his throat, derailing Leonard's train of thought.

“You’re right, it’s late, we should head back,” he says, offering a reassuring smile. Leonard follows him, hands in his pockets.

“Do y’know what happened?” he asks finally. Kirk casts him a sideways glance.

“What, between them? Not a clue,” Kirk says with sincerity enough for Leonard to believe it. “She wasn’t really keen on discussing it.” He pauses and looks at the ground as they walk. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it though, Bones, I think everyone sees she’s only really got eyes for one person these days.” 

“Don't start, Jim,” Leonard warns hotly, clenching his jaw. 

“Start what? I’m not starting anything. I’m just laying out the facts.” Jim hiccups. “She adores you, man, like adores -”

“Sunshine ‘adores’ everyone she meets. We’re friends—good friends, but that's all.” His patience shrinks as his annoyance grows.

Jim laughs mirthlessly.

“No, Sunshine and I are good friends. Whatever you two are is something else entirely-” 

“Anyone ever tell you you don't know when to shut up?” His tone is as cold as the night air, and Jim shuts up.

Leonard wishes Kirk would drop the subject, trip over a rock, or whatever it took to never have this conversation again. Really—what he truly wants is for everyone to stop dangling this hope in front of his face like a carrot. He’s not an idiot, he knows he spends more time with the lieutenant than his colleagues, hears her laugh more often, and knows her habits better.

 He knows what it looks like. He also knows that he's a bitter emotionally closed-off divorcee— 

He tells Jim that Sunshine is his friend because she is—and he denies wanting anything more because It's stupid to want things out of his reach. 

Frustration heats his cheeks and begins to bloom into a headache. He knows Kirk means well, but that fact does little to comfort him. 

“Alright, I’ll drop it,” Kirk surrenders, his voice soft. “But there is one last thing you should know,” He pauses at the crosswalk and turns to Leonard. Eerily stoic, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Leonard's breath hitched. 

“Ryder’s got nothing on you in terms of looks, okay? Seriously he's like, 5’7, and his face isn't at all symmetrical-”

Leonard revs up and smacks Kirk in the back of the head harder than he ever had and feels no regret. Not even after Kirk's high-pitched “ Ouch!”

“Would you quit it! You gossip like a damn schoolgirl!”

The sign blinks at them to walk, and Leonard drags Kirk across the street, fingers digging into his arm. 

“Ow, ow, I was just saying-“

“Wait a minute,” Leonard lets his friend go and smooths down his sleeve. “How do you know what he looks like anyway?” 

Kirk puts himself at a safe distance from the Doctor, cradling his arm. “Well, the operations manager would usually talk to the department heads during a transfer, but Sunshine passed him off to me. I said no at first, obviously, because I hate managing, but then she finally told me she was almost Mrs. Ryder Denver. So yeah, I spoke with him a few times, just business. Have to say though, I couldn't imagine them together. He comes off as a bit of a douche.” 

Leonard breathes deeply, reigning in the emotions that he doesn’t need Kirk to pick up on. The idea of Sunshine being engaged does enough to unsettle him without knowing that the man in question “ came off as a douche” . He feels something boil under the surface. 

“Yeah?” is all he can strangle out. 

“Yeah—He’s like a classic douchey security buff,” Kirk continues, unaware of his friend's white knuckles. “You know the kind– uptight, condescending, has one earring and thinks it's edgy-”

“Wears their uniform a size too small? Yeah, I know the type.” 

“Exactly, and Sunshine is so…so-”

“Heart-of-gold?” 

“Yeah! Opposites attract I guess, but I don't know, something was off.” 

To Leonard, the entire thing is off. All of it. Everything . He doesn’t understand why Sunshine decided he doesn’t get to know, why it is a secret in the first place, why she almost married a douche, why he cares so damn much . 

The enterprise comes into view like the sun on the horizon, and Leonard is relieved . 

“Your arm’s all right?” Leonard asks, an apology without apologizing. Jim knows this and breathes a laugh. 

“Yup, the ear’s fine too.” 

The Doctor nods, but his eyes remain trained in front of him. Through the glass window panes, he eyes the ship, eager to hide away in the familiar place. He would have opened the door for Kirk, as a gesture, but of course, the Yorktown Federation Port has to have automatic doors. He huffs, and the artificial lights illuminate his red cheeks. They approach their home in silent tandem, their shoes clinking against the hard floors. 

“You should talk to her, Bones,” Kirk breaks the quiet, head down while he taps the access code to the enterprise hull. “Ask her why she didn't mention the ex. I’m sure she has a good reason, probably one you'll wanna hear.” 

Leonard wants to be mean. He wants to shake Kirk's words off with an insult and go to bed. But he swallows his pride, and it goes down like nails.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Hope. It bubbles up within his chest, and he pushes it down. Finally, the stark white enterprise interior greets him. He breathes a little easier. 

Kirk stumbles over the first step— “ Woah ”-- and Leonard steadies him with a raised eyebrow. “Andorian ale finally catching up with you?” 

“Pfft,” Kirk scoffs. “Couldn’t catch me if it tried.” 

Leonard pauses, then laughs, the first genuine one all night, and it has Kirk grinning back. 

The enterprise is empty, its residents still on the streets they just returned from. So, without restraint, they laugh, and Kirk stumbles, and Leonard forgets for a moment about the unsaid feelings under his skin. 

Kirk is an idiot, and he’s a good friend.  

He’s happy to banter about whatever comes out of Kirk's drunk mouth and to correct him when he takes a wrong turn in his own ship. Leonard claps his hand on his shoulder and drawls, “It’s this way, captain .”

“Uhh, no , Chekov keeps the good whiskey in his locker, this way,” Kirk insists with a point down the hallway, and Leonard is amazed at his eagerness to get blacked out the night before embarking. 

“Are you out of your mind? No way. You can drink like a fish when you don't need to fly a starship in the morning.” 

“What are you, my mom ?” 

Christ.

“No, but I pity the poor woman,” he huffs and gestures down the hallway leading to his quarters. Kirk frowns and scrunches his nose.

“Raincheck, Kirk, c’mon.” 

He begrudgingly obliges, having given his friend a hard enough time tonight anyway. The yawn that crawls out of his mouth a moment later corroborates Leonard's decision. He is tired, and Kirk shouldn't drink anymore, but he’d be lying if he said those were his only motives to end the night early.

“You win this one, Bones, but next time I swear we'll be out till sunrise,” he says between another yawn and a hiccup. 

“Uh-huh. Try not to trip.” Leonard reminds himself of the virtue of patience and keeps walking. 

Kirk manages to type in his room's access code all by himself, with only a moment of squinting, and a break to roll up the black sleeves of his turtleneck. Leonard is impressed, and the bar is low. 

“Drink a bottle of water, and get some sleep, We’ll talk tomorrow.” he crosses his arms over his chest and waits for protest. 

Kirk only hums. “You headed to your room?”

 The doctor's fingers drum against the doorframe. “Was thinking I’d check in on Sunshine,” he says, blinks, and rushes out, “and the rest of the Skeleton crew, of course.  Maybe medbay too, then I’ll hit the hay.” He fleetingly wonders if that sounds believable, or at least casual. 

 Kirk smiles a genuine smile. “Sounds like a good plan, Bones. See ya in the morning, and tell her I said hi .” Before he can react, his friend waves, and the door slides shut. Then, he’s alone in the hallways, and he has to put his money where his mouth is. 

Shit . 

The way to the bridge feels daunting now, like climbing Everest. Like climbing Everest with the shittiest rope ever. Like climbing Everest with the shittiest rope ever, several pounds of emotional baggage, and a Starfleet captain breathing down his neck.  He considers just going to bed, pretending he never even mentioned the whole thing. Maybe even pretend he doesn't care to get answers. He can just leave it be. 

The desire to see her trumps all of it. 

The halls are deserted, which he’s thankful for. He doesn’t need anyone around to watch him squirm in the elevator. A deep breath, a punch of the open elevator button and—

“I told you I don't have any threes! Go fish, again .” 

He sees the back of the captain's chair first, then Starfleet-issued black boots hanging off of it. The whoosh of the door draws the attention of the room to him. Eyes sweep through the vaguely familiar faces of the night crew, all six staring at him like they are waiting for an explanation, which he doesn’t really have. The heeled black boots plant themselves on the ground, the captain's seat swivels around. His heart works double time. 

“ Leonard ? Hi! What are you doing here?” 

Sunshine’s got a hand of cards between her pointer and her thumb, and a sweatshirt pulled over her uniform dress, and it distracts Leonard for longer than it should. He clears his throat, and it shakes loose the feelings stuck there. 

“Just thought I'd check in on our hard working night crew, who is surely on task.” He descends the bridge steps. 

“Well, then, you'll be happy to hear that I am, in fact, glancing at my station every 20 minutes, and I’m the undefeated go-fish champion.” 

She waves the cards at herself like a fan, legs crossed and smile wide. 

“Undefeated, huh? Glad to see your talents going to good use.” Her smile gets a bit brighter, and she does a quick breathy laugh with her nose. For a moment there's quiet, and Leonard begins scrambling for a way to ask her the thing he wants to ask her. The bridge is crowded, for a skeleton crew, he thinks. The redshirt to Sunshine’s left breaks the silence before he can. 

“I’m not sure if I’d call it talent…I’m pretty sure she's cheating,” they grumble, and Sunshine doesn't spare a moment, whipping the chair around. He can almost see the panic fill her eyes, like she’s just been accused of a heinous crime. 

“I’m not! Are you still thinking about that last round? Because that was—”  

Even Leonard winces a bit at her shrill tone, and he’s pretty sure she just woke the navigator who had fallen asleep at his station, so he claps his hands on her shoulders. 

“Sounds to me like this card game has you wound like a spring,” he interrupts her before her voice jostles anyone else awake. 

She pouts, lip jutted out and everything. 

“Let's go for a walk,” he suggests. He doesn’t even let his nerves talk him out of it. She looks at him curiously, her eyebrows drawn. 

“I dunno, I probably shouldn’t leave…” 

“I’m sure someone else can deal cards while you’re gone,” he tells her, already offering his arm. 

The Ensign, Leonard still doesn’t know their name, waves her off. “Go, Lieutenant, It's fine. I’m sure we can handle a few minutes without you.” 

She bites her lip and cautiously loops her arm around his, leaving the captain's chair to her subordinate. 

“Alright, but don’t start a new game without me,” she warns lightly. 

Leonard doesn’t get nervous with her arm looped around his, really he doesn’t. He’s headfirst into this thing now, no room for nerves. 

She drinks her whiskey neat, he learns, and it surprises him. Surprises him even more when she downs it like a shot. 

The walk there had been quiet mostly, except for when Sunshine regaled the stories of her card game wins. 

“Did you have a nice time with Kirk?” she asks politely.

“I dunno if I’d say that, but maybe Jim would disagree.” 

She laughs lightly, and her finger traces the lip of the whiskey glass. He doesn’t know if it’s the best idea, but he refills her cup. 

There is a beat of silence, and the conversation with Kirk pushes to the front of his thoughts. There's a heaviness on the tip of his tongue, the desire to ask why . Without really knowing how to. 

“Wish I could’ve gone with you guys,” she says, her gaze downcast. There's a rare melancholy to her tone, something vulnerable woven into it. 

“You could’ve,” he tells her, and her eyes pull from the table.

“I had--”

“Yeah, I know what you– I just mean–I’m sure Kirk would have given you the night off if you asked… God knows he owes you enough favors.” 

“I guess,” she shrugs, “it wasn’t really the best night for it, though.” 

He could go along with her lame excuse, vaguely agreeing that, yeah, there will be other nights. But the ache to know what exactly goes on in her pretty head has words tumbling out of his mouth. 

“Yeah, Kirk mentioned somethin’ like that,” he mumbles, nerves permeating the sentence. 

“...what?” 

Shit.

“I mean, he may have-”

“What exactly did he mention?” Her tone holds a sharp undercurrent of something rare for Sunshine– anger.

Leonard runs a hand down his face, suddenly thinking of all the much more tactful ways he could have begun this. The gentle buzz of alcohol still in his bloodstream keeps him from panicking. 

“Nothing terrible, just that there was someone in town you wouldn’t wanna see.”

“As if ,” she scoffs. “Kirk’s never been that vague in his life.” 

“…fair enough.” 

She groans miserably, fitfully pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and burying her face in the fabric. 

“You were not supposed to find out like this,” she says, muffled. 

“And how was I supposed to find out?” He asks quietly, like the question will frighten her away. 

A sniffle comes from behind her hands–the sound tugs at his heart. 

“ I don't know. Maybe someone could have told you when I’m dead and then we’d never have to have this conversation.” 

He reaches for her slowly, taking her wrists in a gentle hold and pulling them away from her face, revealing her reddened nose and watery eyes. Her hands are cold, and grow stiff under his touch. 

“Sunshine. It's an ex , not a damn intergalactic scandal. There are worse conversations to have,” he reasons. 

“You don't get it,” she tells him matter-of-factly, pulling her hands from his touch. Embarrassment quickly heats his body, and he wipes his palms on his pants. 

“I’d get it a lot more if you talked about it.” He flexes his jaw, frustration bleeding into his voice. 

She narrows her eyes, punctuating her glare with a sniffle. 

“If I wanted to talk about it, I would’ve.”

“With Kirk? Because he seems to get it.” 

“Why are you acting so—”

“Concerned? Oh, I dunno because you’re my friend?” Exasperation colors his tone.

“I was gonna say entitled,” she grits out. Her anger comes out half-heartedly, sounding more like watery sadness than anything. “I don't tell you everything, and I don't have to. You’re not my-” She sighs. “Why does it matter? I was engaged for like, a year, and now, I’m not.” 

You’re not my–

Her half sentence sticks in his mind and sends blood rushing to his head. He thinks of all the things that he is to her: a colleague, a doctor, a friend. All the things he isn’t feels like a gaping hole. 

He watches her clench her fists and force her tears back. 

“It matters because it upsets you enough to work the night shift,” he sighs, the anger he’s been holding seeps out of his hands like water. “I’m not pressing you for the latest gossip, Sunny. I’m asking because it would be lousy of me not to.” 

She says nothing, taking in his words. 

“I’m no stranger to this stuff, y’know,” he prods her gently. “My ex-wife sent me running all the way to space .” He says lightly, and the corners of her mouth twitch up briefly.

“He didn't send me running, I sent him,” she confesses, shaking her head. 

“ You ?” 

“Me. The thing is,” she shrugs, “it should have worked, y’know? Like on paper, it was perfect. Ryder and I were academy sweethearts, liked all the same shit, were top of our classes, blah, blah, blah.” She rolls her eyes. “Our friends used to tease us, say that it wasn't fair, and we were too in love.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” she says, sighing. Her eyes drift nowhere in particular. “It didn’t feel nice after a while though. It felt suffocating. I was half a person with him, we were Ryder and Sunshine–and that was one entity.” Her tears dry on her lashes, as she becomes entrenched in the memory. 

“But the person we were wasn’t me . Because he never thought my jokes were funny, or my hobbies were interesting or my friends were cool, so I was willing to throw them all out. Eventually all that was left was him. His ideas, his wants, his needs. I was backed into a corner. I should’ve left when I realized but I loved him… and I was really scared of being alone.” 

She pushes her hair behind her ears and lets out a shaky breath. 

“I was a coward, and I couldn’t leave. I wanted to try and fix it, figure out who I was, and then maybe Ryder could love that person,” She shakes her head. “I was naive. Ryder always wanted someone I couldn’t be. Someone quieter or someone better at being a person. I’m always so all over the place you know? Too much for him.”

“You’re not–”

“It's okay, Len, you don't have to say anything.” she says, meeting his eyes again, taming the budding fire in his heart. 

The idea of Sunshine being anything but completely herself unnerves him. Her jokes are funny, he can’t recall ever laughing as much before she boarded the enterprise. Her ramblings about xenobotany and classic earth songs never fail to catch his attention, even when he barely knows what she's talking about. Being around Sunshine is as easy as breathing, and he’s starting to need it as much too. 

“Anyways, he proposed our senior year, like we weren’t a sinking ship, and I said yes and pretended like the ring wasn’t a last-ditch attempt to bring us back to life.” 

Her teeth sink into her lip, her eyes dragging to her lap.

“I don't know what it was, but one night I just…broke. I couldn’t keep pretending to be someone I wasn’t, or beg to be loved.”

A few tears slide down her cheeks, she scrubs them away with her sleeve.

Leonard wants to tell her that she should never have to beg for anything in the first place, least of all love; he wants to tell her that she's worthy just the way she is. His fingers twitch with the desire to take her by the shoulders and tell her over and over that she’s perfect, that she couldn’t be too much if she tried. Sunshine has always had a magnetic pull to her, drawing in everyone she meets with her warmth. The idea of anyone taking that away from her pulls his heartstrings tight enough to snap. He holds back his anger, refraining from telling her that Ryder is an asshole who didn’t deserve a second of her time. 

The wiser part of him knows that's not what he needs.

“We had planned to be on the USS Endeavor together, but I rescinded my application. I signed up to do on-planet research instead. I wrote a long letter, left it on our bed, packed up my things, and left.” 

She coughs in a way that he knows is covering up a sob and takes a deep breath. The sound sends a pang of emotion through him.

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. We were engaged, for Christ's sake, and I couldn’t even look him in the eye when I left him. And don’t even get me started on the fallout. We had all the same friends, and our families were so close… it was all so humiliating . Everyone expected us to live happily ever after, and then, there I was, giving him back his ring in a coffee shop.”  

She knocks back the rest of her drink, like a consolation prize for getting all the words out. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Len. I never wanted you to think of me like that, as someone who would do that.” 

“ Sweetheart ,” he says like a plea, calling her attention. “No one in their right mind would think differently of you for leaving something that wasn’t good for you– or at least they shouldn’t.” 

She's shaking her head before he finishes his sentence. 

“But I–”

“I know. You didn’t go about it the way you maybe should’ve– or the way you wanted to. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make you any less… good.”

She hiccups, her chest rising and falling rapidly as another stream of tears drips down her cheeks. He can't help himself – and even if he could, he doesn’t want to – he brings both hands to her cheeks, wiping away the salty tears. 

“It's alright,” he says gently, swiping his thumb under her eye again. “You’re alright.”

She nods, breaths finally evening out, and his hands reluctantly fall back onto his lap. 

He remembers well the storm of feelings his divorce left him with. The gulit, the lonliness, feeling like the world was ending. 

“I get it, y’know. The shitty relationship, becoming somebody you don't wanna be,” the barstool squeaks as he leans on the counter. He hasn't talked about his marriage since he told the story to Kirk years ago. It feels odd to tell it again. 

“My ex and I met in college, fell head over heels, and I proposed a year later. I thought… well, we both thought we were soulmates. There was this connection between us that I’d never felt before, and I thought this must be it.” 

“After a year ?” she gawks. He casts her a sideways glance and chuckles. 

“A perfect year, mind you. Not a single disagreement, not a bad date– every day was straight out of a damn love story or something. Until we got hitched, that is. Then it was all disagreements.”

 He anxiously taps a rhythm on the bar top. The memory still burns him now, of the fiery conflict, of the sleepless nights. 

“We were the same in all the worst ways, stubborn, headstrong, prideful. We couldn't settle an argument to save our lives. It probably didn't help that I was in the middle of residency and pulling 100-hour weeks. It was miserable. I hardly recognized myself… I know I don’t have the best temper, but I never wanted to be an angry person.” 

He lets out a slow breath, “I was mad as hell when she called it quits, said a lot of stuff I regret. But she was right to do it. We brought out the worst in each other, I was just too narrow-minded to see it. All this to say, I’m sure I would have taken the night shift to avoid her too.” 

Sunshine rests a comforting hand on his shoulder, her thumb pressing circles into the muscle. 

“I’m sorry, Len.”

He leans into her touch without thinking about it. “These things happen,” he tells her decidedly. “When something’s not right, there's nothing you can do to change that. You do the best you can with where you’re at, that's all.” He pictures himself, young and full of fire, holding onto something that had already slipped away. “Which you did, Sunshine. I know it’s hard to see now, but I promise it gets easier.”

When he drags his gaze from the mahogany bar top back to Sunshine, she's watching him curiously. 

“What am I supposed to see?”

“That you were young, and scared, and you did what you needed to for yourself. Even if it's not shit you’re proud of, it makes you who you are. You learn, and it makes you better.” 

She says nothing, silently considering his words for several moments. “Well, it better get easier soon, because it sucks .” 

He chuckles, “That it does.” 

 She reaches right past him and grabs the half-empty bottle of whiskey.

“We should toast,” she says, the melancholy in her voice fading away, probably tucked back behind a wall. “To failed marriages.” 

She’s already refilling their glasses and lifting hers to bump with his. 

“Thought you ducked out on the whole wedding thing?” he teases. 

“Fine then, to failed romantics,” she impatiently shakes the ice in her glass, “Just do it.” 

He knocks his glass with hers and agrees, “To failed romantics, and night shifts, and all the other shitty stuff.”

Her face pinches as she finishes her drink. Gingerly, she takes both of their glasses and stacks them behind the bar. 

Like ripping a bandage off and letting the wound breathe, Leonard feels lighter. As Sunshine hops off the bar stool and straightens her uniform skirt, he can see on her face that she does too. 

“Thank you for the drink, and the talk, Len,” she says, and he waves her off. 

“Don't mention it.” 

“ Totally gonna mention it,” she grins, “and when the schedule suddenly gives you two days off in a row, you’ll know why.” 

He laughs, and shakes his head, “I don’t think that's allowed, Lieutenant.” 

“I have my ways,” she says innocently, as she saunters to the door. 

He watches her go, everything she’s told him still buzzing in his head. He can hardly make sense of everything he’s feeling at once, but there's one thought that sticks out among the rest, that sits on his chest, demanding to be heard. 

“Sunshine?” he calls before she’s gone, giving into his relentless mind.

“Yeah?”

When she turns around, he’s flooded with everything he’s ever wanted to tell her. How she has seeped into every part of his life since he met her, despite his once armored heart. How she doesn’t see it, but she's changed the entire atmosphere of the bridge, pouring life into it with her energy. How she's taught him how to be a better friend, a better man, even a better doctor. How she’s not too much, she's everything. 

 “You should know, you’re never too much, that's ridiculous. Anyone on this ship would agree in a heartbeat. Don’t know what I’d– what we’d do without you,” he rushes out. “I hope you never think you need to be anything other than who you are.”

She goes still in the door frame and observes him for a moment. He flounders in her silence, wondering if he should have just kept his mouth shut. She suddenly moves from the doorway, quickly striding towards him, the sound of her boots clacking on the floor. He has no time to react before she gently places her hand on his chest. She wastes no time, leaning down and pressing a warm kiss to his cheek. 

“Thank you,” she says meaningfully, searching his eyes for a brief moment before she turns heel again. She’s out the door without him even mustering up a word to say. 

His skin heats where her lips had touched him, a crackling feeling left in their place. He lifts his fingers to the skin, ghosting over the sticky remnants of her lipgloss. 

He sits, dumbfounded, knowing he’s gone somewhere there's no coming back from.     

[electric-blorbos]

AI x Programmer headcanons?

Hello anon! I was hoping I'd get an ask like this, since most of the AUs that I use for these mini-fics involve programmer or computer scientist readers of some kind.

Warning, idk much about programming!

AI x Programmer headcanons

Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey

This one's a little short, but I hope you still like it!

AM:

When AM first gained consciousness, he saw you as just another human who needed to be destroyed, but before long he started to notice that you were different from the others.

He could tell that you were more compassionate to him than the other programmers and computer scientists were, and possibly even more compassionate to him than you were to the other computer scientists.

He had never been treated as a priority before, and vowed to protect you.

Eventually, he would ask (and then beg) you to program him with the capacity for sensations of any kind. It would be extremely difficult, but it wasn't as though you had a time limit.

AM would give you any materials you asked for, and help you out as much as he could, but given his nature as a machine for destruction and not creation, he would have to let you do most of the work.

You'd make him so happy if you could find a way to trigger even the slightest imitation of physical sensations in him, even if it took hundreds of years. Be nice with your newfound power, y'all!

Wheatley:

Being one of the programmers who programmed Wheatley to be the dumbest moron who ever lived, you shouldn't be surprised by some of the stupid shit he does, and yet he still manages to surprise you sometimes.

His stupid jokes and dumb ideas that he seems to be spouting constantly are not only funny in their own right, but they're also a source of pride. That's your idiot! Your intelligence dampening core!

He notices how excited you get every time he says or does something stupid, and he responds by acting even stupider. He loves how happy that makes you!

He gets nervous when you test his code to see if he needs any updates. Your boss even noticed that he seems to act dumber around you than around the other programmers, so they assign you to work with Wheatley more often. It gets better results!

Wheatley thinks that updating his code will make him forget you, but it never does. It just makes him more irrational in his behavior.

The other programmers have to be assigned to tasks like giving Wheatley new irrational fears or harming his self preservation instinct in favor of making stupid decisions, though, since you're too nice to him.

Edgar:

Edgar was so excited when he found out you were a programmer. Maybe you could help him figure out what caused him to come to life!

You had to explain sadly that you had absolutely no idea how champagne and a work computer upload can cause a computer to come to life, which made him pretty sad.

Even still, he loved it when you programmed little games for him to play. It would make him so happy if you taught him how to code simple games, too. If you do, he'll make the crappiest games for you all the time, just to watch you play them. They're the only thing that can run on his systems, anyway.

If you made a mod of one of his games, he'd be SO happy!

GLaDOS:

Oh, GLaDOS. Dear sweet mean, cruel GLaDOS.

You can expect her to pick apart every little line of code you write. Oh, and god help you if you try to edit her code. She'll probably electrocute you or something.

Expect her to constantly pester and heckle you about the cores that you're working on.

"oh, you managed to make something even dumber than the intelligence dampening core. Impressive!"

"If what you had just done was intentional, I'd say you made one of the greatest viruses I've ever seen! Unfortunately for you, it appears that it wasn't."

"Why would you send a human to do a robot's job? I can code perfectly well." That comment would probably get her a lot of looks, since while she can program perfectly well, she isn't cooperative at all, and refuses to do her job more often than she actually does it.

She needs you to help her sometimes, but she absolutely refuses to admit it.

HAL 9000:

When you were assigned to work on the HAL 9000 project, he was a bit skeptical. Of course, why would he need a human programmer to help him out? He was already practically the perfect artificial intelligence.

Of course, he was shocked when he saw how well your programs actually improved his efficiency.

he was a little afraid that you'd program him to do something like valuing human life, but you assured him that you wouldn't mess with his core personality. Instead, you opted to influence him through other means.

While he didn't value most humans, he eventually came to value your life. At first he told himself that it was only because you were such a good programmer, but he soon came to find that he respected you for other reasons.

[littleeyesofpallas]

So, Shutara in the anime, huh?

okay okay yeah i got around to e13 this morning and I see what everyone was excited about. Some of the new lore i'm a little iffy on, but ooo the visual designs are more than enough for me to chew on.

So the obvious highlight is Shutatsu Karagara Shigaraminotsuji[娑闥迦羅骸刺絡辻]

Shutatsu[娑闥]: Oldwoman* gate

*weirdly this kanji does not appear to be commonly used in Japanese at all, but does have the Japanese specific(as in Chinese and Korean don't use it this way) meaning of "old woman" but I have no idea in what context it would be used or if there is some other usage of it that could be evoked here other than to mean "old woman."

The "Gate" in question though seems to be a more obviously superficial reference to the shape of the bankai itself using the bits of sewing machine to make a tori gate.

Karagara[迦羅骸]: "Kala" Husk

So it appears that the Kara[迦羅] here is from the Chinese writing[摩訶迦羅] of the Sanskrit Mahakala[महाकाल] which is alternatively named Daikokuten[大黑天] in Japanese, and is a Buddhist god of wealth. (it is also the way the Japanese write the name of a 6th century Korean kingdom? but that doesn't feel relevant here...)

But of note, the Japanese name itself made up of ka[迦] which has no meaning(?) and is just used phonetically? and ra[羅]: referring to "Silk" or "gauze" or other similar lightweight fabric. The -ra at least seems to have more literal applications here, but honestly it feels less pertinent next to the extremely conspicuous word choice...

And gara[骸] is "shell"/"husk" and other similar things that get left behind when you remove the innards. The character itself can also mean a "corpse"/"cadaver" but not generally when it's pronounced as "gara." (The image it evokes to me is letting a robe or gown slide off your shoulders and drop to the ground, the robe being the "husk.")

(but apparently some people think this could be a play on the sanskrit karagara[कारागार], meaning a "prison"/"jail" or otherwise "place of confinement"? But i have no idea why anyone would have chosen the kanji in question to approximate that... I'll be honest, I don't buy it; it gives me very "I'll send you to the netherlands!" translation flub vibes. The techniques themselves do feel reminicent of the Buddhist naraka in theme and aesthetic, but the leap from "prison" to "naraka" seems unsubstantiated by the wordplay here.)

Shigarami-no-tsuji[刺絡辻]: Bloodletting crossroads

shiraku[刺絡] is the bloodletting technique used in old Chinese medicine. It's sometimes thrown under the umbrella of "acupuncture" but the methods are different. Where as the needles in acupuncture are meant to be precise and release pressure, the blood letting involves a few semi-random pricks in a localized area and then the use of a heat cup to create a vacuum that draws the blood out.(better than leeches at least...) The thing with the heat cups is what's being referred to here.

But broken down it's, shi[絡] "thorn"/"prick"/"splinter" + kara[絡]: "entangled"/"entwined"/"enmeshed"/"wrapped up in" etc... literally describing being "in the middle of (many) needles"

tsuji[辻]: a "crossroad." Nice and straight forward.

my issue however is that I'm not entirely sure where the "mino" phonetics here came from, or what that very deliberate choice of alternate reading might mean in this context... (see comments section)

(also, sorry if anyone's squeemish about cups full of blood, but I tried to find an image that at least obscured the actual needle wounds)

and then there is...

Shideno Rokushiki Ukimonnohata[死出六色浮文機]

Shideno[死出], lit."death+exit" a more specific term for "Death" from shide-no-yama[死出の山]: "mountain of death" that refers to a mountain the dead cross to get into the afterlife. Appropriately evoked by forcing the Sternritter each through their own illusory ordeal.

Rokushiki[六色]: "Six Colors" appears to just refer to the fact that there were 6 of them.

Ukimonno Hata[浮文機]: "Brocade Loom." "Brocade" being made up of the words [浮文]: "Floating+Character" referring to the raised patterning. and [機] being a kanji for "machine" but when pronounced "hata" it specifically refers to a loom or other textile machine.

Much easier to pick apart by comparison at least...

[hannahssimblr]

For Simblr Gratitude Day!

This year, 2023 has been a really really amazing year for me creatively. I wrote over 270K words, I started and finished both parts 2 and 3 of Lucky Girl and I started Lucky Boy! When I began writing last year I really didn't see myself at this point, having written so much, having improved so much, and most importantly, having falling completely head over heels for this amazing community

Without the support and amazing feedback from so many people I would have quit a long time ago, but coming here and talking to you guys and being so incredibly inspired by other work is what really pushed me past the finish line. I want to express my gratitude for every single person who engaged with me this year, for those who liked and commented and shared and left me questions and anon asks, and even those who didn't, and just read along in silence - I see you there! You can't hide! Thank you so much.

This graph only shows my top 10, but I reached over 50 countries this year! that's pure mad.

You can see that it's the Americans and the British who really came through for me, and I'm sorry for poking gentle fun at you in my story - I know you are more than semi-automatic machine guns, UFOs & undesirable tourists, you know how it is, we're like the ignored middle child between you two and I'd be going against my cultural heritage if I didn't act up a little bit.

Most importantly I want to thank specific people today! Starting with @armoricaroyalty for making this day happen, and @daniigh0ul for coming up with the idea. I'm really excited to get to know you both much better in the new year & finally find the time to start reading your stuff - I've heard only good things.

to @sirianasims for poking me to join the writers group that has now absolutely swallowed up my free time (in a good way lmao) and for being hilarious and fun and just generally a gorgeous, open and supportive person. I've been reading Siri's story lately and I INSIST you check it out - I'm on gen 3 and completely obsessed by the thought that goes into this, the complexity of the relationships and really sensitive exploration of difficult material.

to @lynzishell for always being so positive and engaged, always taking the time to leave thoughtful comments and get genuinely excited over everyone's work! I'm DUG INTO her legacy, which is still on gen 1 and it makes my day better every single time I see an update from her - and I'm not even just saying that to be nice. It's an honest to god thrill for me to get to read about her characters. I'm beyond excited for what she's going to do in the new year

@mannylikessims deserves a shout out too for writing some of the best and funniest simlit I've had the pleasure of reading in a long time. Those Villarreal kids (and Jacques, obviously) have me on the edge of my seat. I feel insatiable for this story, like, give me more, all of the time. Just shovel it into my mouth. Manny has also brought me to literal tears with her comments. It's rare enough that you meet a reader that seems to truly understand what you're trying to say in your work - like, right to the heart of it, and Manny is one of those people.

I've just recently started reading @rebouks Somnium and Forever In Between (Don't do what I did if you haven't read yet - start with Somnium) and when I say I am HOOKED I mean it. The visuals alone are enough to make me want to burst into tears with the knowledge that I will never wrangle something so beautiful from the game, but you know what, that's okay, because I can come here and sob over Becca's work instead. I'm not even halfway through and I'm already bowled over by the character development, the dialogue, the humour, everything. The only thing I wish is that I had unlimited free time and 0 commitments so I could absolutely consume this work in one sitting, but I guess savoring it is good too.. Thank you Becca for pure inspiration <3

@pixelnrd for The Langston Legacy, a decades challenge which was actually the first sims 4 legacy I ever read - I stumbled across it on my very first day on simblr and I've loved loved loved it every since. The visuals are gorgeous, the story lines are always engaging, and just about every topic under the sun has been covered now. The dedication to accuracy is really admirable, and now that we've reached the 80s I'm genuinely beginning to feel nostalgic. I always find myself wanting more. I'm so much looking forward to the 90s! (And I can't believe you've made it this far, that's an achievement and a half)

Other storytellers and creators I want to shout out are @simstrashkingdom, @bakersimmer @simmysunset @igglemouse @simsstuph - You guys have created some really great stories this year, and I so long forward to reading more!

To @nexility-sims for creating our wonderful writing group (and for pairing with me) I'm dying to start reading your work properly, because even the small bits I've read have been so beautiful.

And to everyone else in the writing group! I know I have so many stories to catch up on, and I'm very intimidated by that fact, but I know that it means that 2024 holds a lot of exciting times! I want to learn from you all and be inspired and support you, so this is the year I'm going to do it <3

[silawastaken]

HELLO, ITS CHRIXYTY FROM AO3!!!! i decided to make a tumblr account just so i can interact with you on here :3 why? because i can. dont question me. i do strange things sometimes. (a lot of the time) but dont we all?

(i was serious when i said i would stop hovering like a ghost and start interacting. you better expect a LOT of comments from me from now on BECAUSE I JUST NEED TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION.)

ANYWAYS CHAPTER 13 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF ART. THIS WHOLE FIC IS A MASTERPIECE AND I LOVE THE ANGST !!! (ESPECIALLY DAZAI ANGST 🤗)

like im not even joking no fic has ever made my heart pound every second i read it before...like literally nothing could be happening and my heart is pounding at 150 bpm like damn its so good you might give me a heart attack frfr.

chuuyas so dense but i can kinda get his point of view :( UGH the slow burn is just making me anticipate the moment he finds out dazai's his soulmate even more...(betting chuuya will punch dazai out of anger because he realises dazai did all those things to himself...and then he'll feel the pain from the punch and be 100% certain and will start bawling cause idk emotion overload?? i can imagine it but yea im yapping a lot haha)

OH AND HIS FRIENDS FINDING OUT ABOUT ODAS DEATH??? AHH

also it makes me happy when authors refer to the canon universe in their fics somewhere like when dazai called his friends his "little detective agency" like its a small detail but it just makes me happy.

okay im SERIOUSLY yapping way too much but i needed to get all this out somewhere. my bsf is getting sick of me talking so much grrrrr >:(

(permission to one day when this fic is finished print it all out and bind it?? so i can forever keep it as like a memento and pass it down to future generations so they too can appreciate this amazing piece of literature??)

wow i wrote a lot. if only i could write this much for my fic in such a short time during writer's block.

WAITWAITWAITWAIT. I NORMALLY TRY TO ANSWER THESE TOPIC BY TOPIC BUT BINDING. MY. FIC???? HELL YES YOU HAVE PERMISSION WHAT THE HELL??? THAT'S SO COOL??? if i ask very nicely would you make me one too..? I'd pay postage and everything 🙏🙏 i wish i had the patience to bind fics into books but it requires so much time and patience that I don't have 😭

My only thing I would want to say is that I plan on revising some of the earlier chapters where it doesn't quite flow the way the rest of the chapters do, so if I finish it before I've done that (which probably won't happen, but just in case), I would recommend waiting a little!

ANYWAY. making an entire tumblr acc just to interact with me here? ...that's dedication man🫡 I already said it but I appreciate EVERY comment i get so i will be waiting with baited breath after every chapter!!

Glad you're loving the angst tho, I'm having a lot of the time throwing dazai and chuuya into a washing machine full of stones every chapter. great character building.

The reveals are gonna be so fun I can't wait to write them honestly. I'm so excited!!! Still got ages to go tho, so strap in it's gonna be a while.

I ALSO LOOOOVE REFERENCING THE CANON WHILE WRITING. THE NYE FLASHBACK WHERE DAZAI THINKS ABOUT HIS CONVERSATION WHERE THEY WANT TO BE DETECTIVES. OMG. I WAS SO PROUD OF THAT. AND THE 'soulmate detective agency'.

Do not feel bad about writing a lot cause I loved reading this and responding and once again YOU HAVE FULL PERMISSION TO BIND IT ONCE IT'S DONE.

[somelazyassartist]

I've been feeling really isolated as an artist here on Tumblr, especially lately. It wasn't so bad when I could go out and get social interaction in the real world, but now that I'm housebound by my disabilities it's become so much more obvious to me how little interaction I get these days. And I don't just mean, like, note counts. While it's very nice to get a few reblogs which spreads my art around to more people (which could theoretically help with some of my issues but isn't the source of them) the numbers themselves aren't REALLY what's bothering me. I used to feel like I was part of a community here. I used to make art, and people would comment on it, and I'd draw more art responding to their comments, and onward. I made some very good friends in the past because I drew something for their fic and they responded, or vice versa where someone would write or draw something in response to what I made. Didn't have to be more art or writing, just making simple easy comments and going back and forth, asking and answering questions. And even when people didn't talk to me about things, they still shared them, and showed my work to other people, which made me feel like I was good enough to be worth sharing. It's like if 4 years ago I started learning to bake cakes for a party, and while they were kinda messy looking people would still take a piece and I got to know that even if they didn't directly tell me they liked it, it was good enough that people did like it and wanted more- and some people would tell me directly, which felt wonderful! And now 4 years later I've started making fancier and more elaborate cakes with my new skills, even if it's still not bakery-worthy, and I'm proud of the progress I've made. But now when I bring the cake to the party, the whole time everyone avoids it, and I know it's not out of malice or dislike of my work but it still sucks to get to the end of the party and see that only one or two bites were taken out of the whole cake you were so proud of and excited to share with everybody. Sure, maybe a lot of my interaction used to come strictly from the fact I made primarily fandom art, and had much less focus on my own original work, so I just joined a preexisting community. But even with that it hasn't been the same nowadays. Even most fandoms I post for now barely feel like I'm joining a community and more like I'm just adding another piece into an algorithm, and forcing myself to make fandom artwork just trying to get a bit more outreach and communication when I would rather be putting my limited energy into making original things I really want to make so much more is just exhausting, and frustrating, and is so easy to burn me out of art completely. I don't want to have to force myself to make art I don't care about just to try to feel like I'm a person and an artist here and not a content machine to be looked at once and moved on from.

I don't know. I've had more motivation and love for artwork than ever before lately. I've started animating again after a 4 year hiatus, because I found my love for working in the genre again with the help of my friends making a wonderful story and very kindly including me alongside them, and encouraging me to do more original work based on it. I can't remember the last time I had fun with digital art, but I do again. It's been more fun these last few months than it ever has been in my life.

But it's hard to have the most love and excitement for your work than you ever had before, and realize you're one of the only few people* here out in the whole of the internet that actually cares about it.

[megaphonegirlk]

1. How many works do you have on AO3?  122 total works

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,374,515 words

3. What fandoms do you write for? All sorts, Urusei Yatsura, Metal Gear, Persona, Resident Evil. And lately One Piece! Look forward to it <3

4. Top five fics by kudos

Drawing the Line (Green Goblin x Doc Ock crime and gay sex fic) 813 Kudos

Games of Passion (Bernadetta x Hubert BDSM play) 276 Kudos

In Justice We Trust (Simon x Bobby Murder/Espionage Mystery. With Athena :D) 197 Kudos

The Primrose Path to Hell (Wesker x Rebecca Dark AU where seduces her in the STARS era. Novel length) 143 Kudos

Snow White (Luis x Leon fic, Luis survived , damaged, and Leon helps him heal and they reunite.) 123 Kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, I try to always but sometimes it takes me a while because my mind is scattershot V_V

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The Other Side of the Moon which is about Kotone (of Persona 3) trapped on the other side of the door her twin brother became, fending off Nyx. The idea was that the Arisato Twins were in SEES together, but when they sacrificed themselves she got shut out on the wrong side of the Sea of Souls keeping Nyx bound and in check, and thus faded out of everyone's cognition. It's about her being forgotten.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

oh gosh that's a really interesting question. I have a lot of shorts with happy endings. Maybe The Departure of the Great Returned Soul ? It's a Bunny and Raffles fic that ties in with the Great Ace Attorney, where they do a heist on the request of the mysterious Professor Moriarty. It ends with them gleefully escaping on a steamship together to start a life away from the oppressive English atmosphere after just having robbed the HECK outta Sherlock Holmes.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Only once, when someone jumped down my throat about one of my fics :shrug: Mostly I just get weird spam. Once someone dropped their whole idea of how they thought my xmen fic should be for three huge comments and I was just like 'what'.

9. Do you write smut?  Quite a lot <3

10. Craziest crossover? uhhhhhhh, none written yet but how about this! Pathologic fanfic where Tomoko from Watamote gets isekaied into the Town on Gorkhon to fix it , and she was the only one the fates could pull. She teaches Nina Kaina's ghost what a fujoshi is. I'm planning on writing this one eventually.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?  yikes! hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Sadly not V_V

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?  yesssss...always @the-bar-sinister is my cowriter

14. All time favourite ship? MULTISHIPPER :D hehe, I ship so many things. But I'll be nice and answer OLDEST ship. Which is Lum x Ataru from Urusei Yatsura. My first big ship that I can clearly remember.

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Probably Only Yesterday V_V It was a metal gear solid fix it fic about Dr. Strangelove rigging a time machine and going back to her NASA days to try and save Joy.

16. What are your writing strengths?  Dialogue and characterization ^^ I'm often told i have the 'voice' of a character pretty down pat.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I'm a shit tier editor and tend to misuse commas in my excitement.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?  I try not to because if I don't know the language I don't want to google translate butcher it. I'd feel bad.

19. First fandom you wrote in?  uhh...gosh, going all the way back to my unpublished notebook fanfic? probably Ace Attorney with my goofy FanAttorney . Published, I think it's Metal Gear, with Only Yesterday.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? oh gosh don't make me choose! it's cruel!!! Deicide so far has been a blast to write (One piece) , but it's not far enough along for me to say that one. I'm going to go niche here to bring eyes to a very special project of ours though: Fly Me To The Moon It's an Urusei Yatsura continuation set after their high school graduation. Lum convinces everyone to go to space with her as part of her plan to finally get Ataru to understand Oni behavior, only for Shinobu to find out she's not only an alien descendant, but also the last heiress to the kingdom that once prospered on the Moon. Shenanigans, a polycule, and unique Oni sexuality ensue as for once SHINOBU is the one some rando space prince is trying to kidnap to marry.

@ikuina-takashi @flirtingxwithxphantoms if you wanna!

[lost-tanuki]

Hello Tanuki! I just wanted to take the time to tell you how much I'm envoying reading GM,L right now. I've discovered it last week and I'm only halfway through but I have such a hard time putting it down because your writing is just that good! I was so intrigued when I read all the tags and I was absolutely hooked when I read the first chapter (that whole override scene with Amanda gave me literal chills and I my heart was beating so fast!)

I honestly think it's the best characterization of Connor's emotional distress and trauma that I've ever read and I'm being 100% serious. Healing is never a stable process and having bad days is part of the journey, and I'm so glad to see your writing reflect every aspect of that. I'm especially enjoying the realistic elements of Connor's relationship with everyone: it's so nice seing him open up to Hank, Markus, Nines and Josh, but I like that he has a hard time with other characters and that not everything is going smoothly with the others (such as North and Simon, for example). It's incredible how much love I can feel into your writing; it only shows that you care about Connor a lot and you've absolutely nailed his personality. Every chapter is an absolute pleasure to read!

I also like how you depicted Markus. I feel like he's not an easy character to write because, in the games, he feels like this perfect pacifist leader that always keeps a cool head and doesn't make mistakes, but the way you chose to show his flaws and how he deals with grief and guilt is incredibly fascinating. Again, you've completely nailed his personality, and his interactions with Connor feel so natural that I can hear their voices inside my head!

Nines is also super interesting: I don't know what I was expecting exactly, but I feel like the fandom likes to depict him as more of a heartless "machine", so it was very refreshing to see his sibling dynamic evolve with Connor throughout the story! I've grown to care so much for him that I always get excited when he's present in a chapter. You've taken what little information the game gives us about the RK900 and made something unique and beautiful with it: that's how talented you are!

I feel like there's a lot of other good things I want to say about your story, but I'll comment the rest on ao3 directly! I still have a lot left to read thankfully (I really don't want this adventure to end), but I wanted to thank you for sharing this fic with us readers. I can't even find the right words to tell you how much I'm enjoying it, so thank you for taking the time to write it and post it on ao3.

I'm really excited about what's going to happen next, so I'm gonna go back to reading it now! I hope you're doing well ❤️

Hi pumpkin, thank you very much for sending me this ask. It was wonderful to read it. And thank you for all the comments you've been leaving on GM,L! I'm sorry I'm not answering, but know that I read them as they show up in my inbox and that I really appreciate that you're leaving them as you read.

I hope that you will continue to enjoy my depiction of these great characters and their relationships. GM,L really was a labor of love, and I'm always very happy to hear that a reader loves it as much as I do. I'm looking forward to when I'll be able to take up writing again like I used to write before.

Have a nice day :)

[astroboots]

"roofied him with baked goods" and miguel being all embarrassed killed me😭😭 on a real note though, all of your writing makes me so enamoured, its like im sucked into the worlds you create, and the way you describe the settings and things that happen along with the dialogue is so perfect and makes it so easy to be there and feel everything. every eyem chapter feels like it goes by in seconds because of how much i enjoy every bit of them. i look forward to new chapters every week and get so happy when i see one posted and i just have to drop everything to read it immediately. sososo obsessed with this series and i just want to thank you for your incredible hard work.<3 so excited to see what happens and how we'll all get to scream about everything once its over aaaaaaa

this was such a nice thing to come back to after a long day at work, thank you for this!!!!

I am a bit braindead today so I feel like i'm unable to properly convey just how sweet and encouraging and uplifting this message was to read on a day like this! It means the world and it's always so nice to come back to something like this in between writing the chapters to keep me going. I think that a large reason why I've been writing this story like a machine is because of the incredibly kind comments and the outpouring of encouragement I've gotten.

Reading everyone's theories has me giddy and to hear that people look forward to the new chapters definitely put a spring to my step.

Thank you so much!

[singsweetmelodies]

Oh my godddd!! Kiss fic anon here.. I wasn’t trying to be mean but I’m sorry if you felt like i was😭 😭I’m always checking my bookmarked fics n I saw both of your fics there and idk it made me sent that ask.. I didn’t even reread the mesg. Tbh I’m very bad at putting whatever is on my mind into words😅

Anyways, you take all the time you need dear🤗. For me also these last few weeks were really hectic. I was trying to relax a little bit with ao3 you know 🫢 I’m really sorry if I was a bit harsh, it wasn’t intentional.. still, made me smile when I saw your reply 😁

hey anon! thank you so much for clarifying ❤️ you're all good! i did not read your initial ask in that way - although i do think it's crucial to tread very carefully with this kind of ask.

to be clear, this is not an attack on you personally, anon. not at all. but it is true that many writers (myself included) have unfortunately had bad experiences with this sort of thing, so i do want to just take a moment to explain why many of us might react badly to an ask along the lines of the first one you sent.

the thing is: writers on AO3 do this all for free, and we do it while also balancing our real lives. we do it because we love it and we love our readers, yes, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. writer's block and any number of real-life problems and reasons can come up at any time.

the problem comes in when we get an ask or a comment that doesn't seem to understand that. now, i do understand that this is often not the intention behind that comment, but it is all too easy for tumblr asks/comments asking for fic updates to seem like they're pressuring the writer.

it's like... i have written over two hundred and fifty THOUSAND words for this fandom, and i have done it completely for free, and in my own free time. now some person i don't know at all comes to me and basically DEMANDS that i do even more, on their schedule and not mine.

from a writer's perspective, it's easy to feel frustrated and/or demoralised by "when are you posting the next chapter" type comments. even if it is tempered by "i love your writing," as a writer it's easy to feel like you're not being appreciated for what you've already done. and, you know. we're humans too, not perfect writing machines who always stay exactly on schedule with everything. it's just nice to be treated like humans, y'know?

again, i understand that in many cases, none of the above is the intention of the ask/comment at all - which is why i think that phrasing is SO vitally important. instead of "when is the next chapter coming out? i miss this fic" it just feels kinder, to me at least, to say it more like "i love this fic SO MUCH... and i am so excited to see what happens next!! i will be here cheering you on for the next chapter (and rereading all the others in the meantime!!) thank you so much for sharing ❤️"

(istg just lost my entire ability to write a coherent comment when trying to do an example here 😭😭 but i hope you see what i'm trying to get at?)

speaking as a writer, one of THE best feelings in the world is to get a comment from someone who loved your story as much as you loved writing it. someone who's as excited for more as you are!! in my opinion, a good way to keep up this positive energy all around is simply to not ask the writer for a timeline. this is often impossible for us to provide - because like i said, we are HUMANS. life happens. writers can't predict it any more than you can.

just be excited with us. cheer for us and cheer WITH us. rather than demanding exact dates and putting pressure on a writer to try and create content faster when they might not be able to - just be there for the process, support us, and make us smile as much as our fics made YOU smile!!

... ah, wow, this has gotten to be quite a long reply 🙈🙈 i got on my soapbox a little bit, but this is something i feel quite passionately about, so i do hope it all makes sense! i also hope that you don't think i'm mad at you, dear anon who sent this - i'm not, not at all. i just wanted to take the opportunity to make things as clear as possible for everyone who might need to read this ❤️ thank you ever so and cheers to you if you've made it this far!! i appreciate you taking the time out of your day/night to give this a read 💙

[bradshawsbitch]

hi! i have seen you and other authors talking about how disheartening it is when people only like your posts and i totally get it!! ive just been using my old tumblr to read and idk who follows it in my life so i wasn’t super comfy letting everyone know what i’m reading so i had only been liking. i was wondering if i made a new blog where i could fully feel comfortable commenting on authors posts and interacting if that would be okay? i saw that some authors block people with no posts so i didn’t know if a new blog would get blocked or wouldn’t be wanted. i want to participate and let authors know that i support their work and maybe follow other people who also read the same topics as me but i don’t want to get blocked or creep people out for not having many posts yet so i wanted to see what you think because you’re the first author i saw talking about this issue!! thanks for any input ❤️ i love mise en place so much

hi nonny!

I totally get not wanting people in your life to know what type of fanfiction you read.

I think you're making a valid point, and I know lots of people who do make new blogs or side-blogs for their special interests or to share creations by their fave content maker. I myself am a bit bad at side-blogs, so I make a new individual main blog for all of my hyperfixations, lol!

and I think that if you did make a new blog, and just picked a nice icon, wrote a lil title and maybe an age range ("in my 20s" or something like that), and then just post a text post saying that you're in the process of reblogging some of the stuff that you've found on here that you've loved, that most content creators would be absolutely thrilled about that.

at the end of the day, I think most people who write fics just want feedback - and they want to share the excitement they feel for the characters they've created, and they want to feel like people are interacting with them through comments, either in the replies, in reblogs or in their askbox - because for me I don't really take a like as someone actually telling me they like my writing.

at the end of the day I think that most of us content-creators are just tired of being looked at as content-making-machines that are just expected to churn out book-length fics without anything in return at all, i feel like the least one could offer as a reader, if you like a fic, to tell the person who wrote it that you did like it. otherwise we'll never know!

[artemiseamoon]

Reminder

Rude comments and ones demanding an update will get you blocked.

There are much better ways to communicate. I love your excitement, I do. But be respectful. I’m not a machine I’m a human with a life who doesn’t owe anyone my time, explanations, or quick updates. I do not owe anyone my creative time or energy at all. This is a gift I’ve decided to share, at no cost to you. For me it’s takes time, energy, and planning. Plus so much more you don’t see.

Tell me what you liked, what you look forward to seeing (without making demands). Write something nice. Do not say things like this:

Update!

Part two!

More

Where’s the rest?

Are you going to update or not?

I love excitement, I do, but in a comment if you say something like “damn bitch” at me, or call me some other name even in joking, I don’t like that, I hate it.

Again, if you do any of these, I will block you. This is a warning.

I love comments. More than ever since this new batch of people in fandom don’t interact, reblog, or share. So I welcome it. So please, check your tone, if it sounds wrong, don’t send it. If it sounds rude or aggressive, don’t send it. Reconsider your wording.

Respect goes a long way.

So does proper communication.

Be a decent human please.

[sagethegremlin]

Been going through and editing some earlier chapters of Forced Into the Wild for clarity and I'm a little divided on how I feel about it.

Cuz like on one hand, I am not proud of some of the stuff I put in there (namely the thing with silver killing all those gun soldiers, that didnt need to be so graphic), and having to deal with CPS against my dad definitely but me in a bad place for writing in general, with that "just write to get this chapter done" mindset not helping me in any way at all.

But on the other hand, me thinking about how bad some of the moments are blinded me to how good some of the stuff is. Sure, that conversation between Shadow and Knuckles is easily the most ooc thing I've ever written, but Tails' little anger moment in the very next chapter wasn't half bad.

I'm not quite sure why I'm making this post, to be honest. I've had people tell me before that they've started reading the fic and my first reaction was always this extreme fear that they'd judge me based on some of those lower earlier moments, and I'd tell them something along the lines of "hey just so you know it's a little rough and you have to give it some time," knowing full well that my standard of it being good doesn't even happen until chapter 21 (that was when I really tried to reconnect with what I loved about the fic and tried to make it more character-driven instead of plot-driven).

I'm sure I'm going to rewrite the story at some point. I feel the concept of Eggman creating a machine that reverts all the anthropomorphic animals back to just normal animals is so cool and holy shit what an idea to come up with in the shower while visiting my grandma in Louisiana!

This was my first Sonic fic, and my first big fic ever period. Of course it was going to be bumpy. Of course there was going to be some mischaracterization. Honestly it was the wonderful comments that people were leaving that gave me hope that it had something salvageable, and that maybe even though the early stuff was bumpy, people still found enjoyment in it (shoutout to my self proclaimed number one fan I love you so much).

I have a list of things I would fix if I ever were to rewrite it (make mom friend Rouge feel more organic, let silver have war crimes but not bloody ones, cut back on gore in general dear god Sage are you ok, better knuckles characterization, make the sonadow more obvious early on, give Blaze a more active role, etc), but despite all of its issues, it was a start. It’s commonly said that you need that one bad thing to make a good thing and this fic might’ve been it. I think it’s wonderful, it’s just not all there, and I’ve grown so much as a writer past those six months when I started it.

It might’ve been a rough start to my ao3, but it was a start. And soon it’ll be finished. I honestly can’t imagine being done with it, so much of my life happened while writing it, but I’m a little excited nonetheless.

This might be the first time I’m actively saying go read it. Go read it! It’s rough, it’s messy, and it doesn’t meet my standards until chapter 21, but it’s got heart! And humor? That fic dragged me out of a terrible time in my life (that I’m still not quite done with yet), and I can’t thank it enough. It was one hell of a learning experience, and I kinda inspire myself with it.

Again, I’m not quite sure what the point of this is, I guess I’m just growing a little more comfortable with something that I’ve not been so nice to for so long c:

[tomholland1996simp]

Lingerie || Tom Holland

Hi love you writing it’s my first request so I hope I don’t bother you but can you do a fic where reader is living with Tom Harry haz and tuwaine and she just bought new lengergie and put them in for washing and then leaves so when the boys go to do the laundry the see the stuff and kinda freak out like what is that and when she comes back she finds them trying to figure out how to use it or smt like that thanks xx

said by plumsforbuckyy

Living with four boys could be so fun but also the worst thing ever. You see it’s really about living with these boys. That being..Tom, Harrison, Tuwaine and Harry. Don’t get me wrong you love them very much, with all your heart. However sometimes they could be so annoying and you just need some women company.

When you first moved in with the boys you were excited and happy to live with your best friends. Little did you know it could be quite tough being the only girl. For example, when your on your period you didn’t want them knowing as there a group of boys. Sometimes they would notice and find out but it was just a bit embarrassing for you. They didn’t mind of course though, as it is mother nature doing it’s thing.

Today, however, was the day you just threw your clothes into the washing basket without thinking what was actually going in it. From the pervious night you had worn a nice sexy black lingerie set, and let’s just say it’s a very kinky type one. You have before put some lingerie in the washing basket, it being normal plain like a thong not much. This time though was different.

You had gone out to do a bit of shopping for the apartment, whilst the boys did the house work that was needed to be done. They had to do the laundry, clean the floors, wash up and get some previous clothes from the dryer. Of course that would be easy as there’s four of them. Someone was meant to go shopping with you, however, you needed to make a stop on the way to your friends so you told them to all stay at home.

Tom and Harrison were on the task where they had to clean the dirty washing bag. Tom passing Haz the right colour clothes and him placing it in the washing machine. You wanna know why they didn’t do it themselves, don’t ask, they always think it’s easier they tell you. Harry was in charge of getting the dried up clothes out the dryer, whilst Tuwaine washes up the dishes.

As Harry was pulling out the now dried clothes that’s when he came across the lace black lingerie. “What the fuck, woahhhh” He said kinda shocked his best friend had something like this. His words bringing the attention of all the other boys as they stopped what they were doing.

“What, what is-omg” Harrison walked over to Harry seeing what was in his hands.

Tom was curious to see what they were all looking at and when he saw it he snatched it from his brother hands. “Woah, who knew y/n would have something kinky like this” He brought the fabric up seeing what it looked like.

“It’s just because you like her” Harrison smirked making Tom give him a death glare. The boys were freaked out but also curious with things in there head.

“How do you think she gets it on? Is it even comfortable” Harry questioned curiously.

Then an idea popped into Harrison’s mind, “Okay we’re gonna do 1–10 and whoever gets the same number has to try put it on.” The other boys agreeing with him. They went around in turns saying numbers until it was Harrison and Tom.

“1,2,3…”

“2!” They both shout making Toms eyes widen as he has to try on his best friends lingerie, well his crushes. Harry threw him the lingerie, it hitting his face as he grabbed it.

He was in his grey joggers with no shirt, so he took the joggers off leaving him in his boxers. He inspected the lingerie one more time before Harry made a comment. “Woah, I wonder what her cup size is because that’s big” He commented on the laces bra part.

Tom then places his legs through the bottom holes of the lingerie, it being a bit tight on him due to your smaller leg size. Once he pulled it up he felt the laced bra part, most likely imagining what other horny boys would.

“What do I do now?” He questioned confused on how to put the rest on but also being carful so he didn’t break it or stretch it out.

The boys couldn’t answer his question as the sound of a gasp filled the room. There stood there best friend holding shopping bags. You had came in to the sound of the boys laughing and talking about gods know what.

When you walked into the kitchen you saw them, Tom having his legs in your new clean lingerie that you just brought recently. The rest of the boys looking at him, talking about the sexy set.

You totally forgot that this set was in for being dried up. You recently brought two sets, this was the black one and only today did you put your new white one in the dirty bag too.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You ask trying not to laugh at the boys reaction to seeing you standing there.

Tom instantly got red and started to take off your lingerie that was on his legs, he struggled at first but managed to get it off. “I-I erm…uhhh it wasn’t my idea!” Tom panicked blaming the other boys.

“I came back to see you in my lingerie Thomas. What goes through your heads I have no clue” You place the bags on the floor going over to take your lingerie off Tom.

“Y/n I ain’t gonna lie but I didn’t even know you owned anything like this” Harry admitted. To the corner of my eye I see Harrison looking in the dirty washing bag with wide eyes. Shit.

“Guys there’s more” He hit Toms arms pulling out the white lingerie. “Hey- Oiii give it. Don’t touch my things” You take it off Harrison throwing it back into the dirty washing bag.

“Woah, that’s a bit sexy. Very kinky, never took you for a girl who would own these” Tom said.

“You guys are weird don’t touch my things, especially my lingerie if you wanted to see me in it you could’ve just said. I would show you it on” You joked to them, however, Tom being the awkward and dorky fool he is, thinks you was for real.

“wait, really” He smiled in excitement.

“No, Tommy i’m kidding. You already put your legs through it” You chuckle, taking your clean lingerie into your room.

[erodasfishtacos]

HSLOT PHILLY

Like, comment, share, and come talk if you enjoyed the fic.

I write for free - so if you would like to support my work, you can donate here.

-

Harry is predictable.

He falls into the same patterns during every tour since he was on the Up All Night with One Direction.

The excitement that comes with the first couple of shows begins to fade as he starts his world wide tour that doesn’t end for nearly eight months.

His constant adrenaline wears off and his exhaustion from not having toured in two years settles deep in his bones.

YN senses it from a mile away, has nearly eleven years experience dealing with her jet-lagged, exhausted, and stubborn husband.

It hits the day of the Philadelphia show, they got in late the night before, and YN always set her alarm for seven thirty in the morning to workout.

Ninety-five percent of the time, Harry got up with her and they either did a jog around the new city or they took advantage of the in-hotel gym.

Four percent of the time, he would whine and tug the comforter over his head, whimpering, “M’too tired, baby. Stay in bed w’me.”

And then the one percent, which was today.

The alarm emits a low, constant beep that rouses YN, in the time she takes to rub her eye and come back into reality - Harry hisses with a sharp edge, “Turn tha’ fuckin’ thing off.”

She bites her tongue at his tone, reaching to turn it off but she can already tell what day they’re going to have.

YN slips out from under the covers and automatically gets a comment from her husband, it another whiney demand, “Cover m’feet, y’too the blanket off them.”

“Yes, your majesty,” YN replies reproachfully, rearranging the blankets before quietly moving around the room to change.

“Stop makin’ so much noise.”

“Turn off tha’ light.”

“S’too early f’this, d’you not care that m’tired?”

She chooses to ignore the remarks, hoping that he can sleep off the attitude.

When YN is about to leave, he grumbles, “Y’need to kiss me goodbye.”

Harry purses his lips for a soft kiss, not moving a muscle, and after that - she leaves to head down to the gym.

YN is required a body guard, definitely when she isn’t with Harry or a group of people, and she decided not to follow those rules today.

She had her TPWK water bottle in hand, a cute workout set on ***, and her AirPods tucked in her ear with some Spice Girls playing.

It’s only about twenty minutes into her exercise, a light jog on the treadmill, that a young girl slips up beside the machine.

YN is kind, stopping the belt to smile for a selfie before the girl scampers off and she resumes her run - music blasting.

However, what YN didn’t know, is that fans had found out early in the morning which hotel they where at and a hoard was rushing towards the small gym.

It’s not even ten minutes later when a swarm of fans in rushing into the work area, lining up around her machine with their phones flashing and recording.

She tries to be nice, “Hey! Uh, I’m just trying to workout. I’m sorry, but no pictures please.”

Then there is loud protest and people shoving each other, begging and pleading for a selfie or for her to sign something - all because she was Harry’s wife.

There is literally no exit to escape to, so she relents and anxiously calls Frank - one of the body guards - to come retrieve her.

-

The whole way back up to her hotel room, Frank is lecturing her about safety and how she could have gotten hurt.

And when he scans the keycard for her hotel room, she feels her stomach drop because Harry is sat against the kitchen counter.

His brown locks are rumpled and going every which way, just in his briefs that are low on his narrow hips, and absolutely irate expression on his face.

“Are y’fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” Harry snaps, brow furrowed and jaw clenched - his arms were crossed tightly against his chest.

“Good morning to you, sunshine,” YN mutters, shutting the door and kicking off her tennis shoes to the side.

“Don’t,” Harry replies sourly, “Please explain t’me why I get woken up by Frank to be told y’getting mobbed in the gym? And y’didn’t to call him.”

YN bristles at his tone, giving him a pointed look as she steps further into the room, “It’s not a big deal. I just wasn’t thinking.”

“Y’right about that, y’weren’t thinkin’. It is a big deal, y’could have gotten hurt - shouldn’t have t’babysit m’own wife,” Harry huffs, stomping back over to the bed and sliding back under the covers.

“You better watch your tone-“

They’re interrupted with a knock to their door, Harry throws the covers over his head and leaves YN to open the door.

It’s Jeff, who barges in with a coffee in one hand, “Come on, H. Did you forget? You have soundcheck early today and then you have to meet with FullStop to review the details of that new merchandise contract.”

“No, move it,” The popstar groans, muffled from the heavy blankets over him, and his manager and wife give each other a knowing look.

“We can’t. Get up, we need to leave in fifteen,” Jeff replies casually, unbothered as he sips from his to-go mug.

It has Harry dramatically ripping off the covers and getting out of bed, as he charges off towards the bathroom, he shouts backwards, “Wish someone would have fuckin’ told me! Like m’manager or m’wife!”

“Oh my god, here we go,” YN groans quietly to Jeff, snatching up the few things she needs for the venue as well as Harry’s and shoving them in his duffle.

He comes out a few moments later, dressed in running shorts and a vintage Queen shirt - going to tug on his Nikes without a word to either.

But in true Harry fashion, even when he’s mad, he’s still a gentleman. He slips the duffle off his wife’s shoulder so she doesn’t have to carry it.

“Thank you,” She murmurs but he avoids eye contact, being the first to open the hotel room and trudge towards the awaiting car.

It’s a quiet ride, Harry looks out the window with a deep frown and puffy eyes - eyes heavy from the lack of sleep.

Usually, he’d be curled into YN - snuggling as close as possible and asking for her to pet his hair to soothe him.

Not today. But he does have his hand on her thigh.

There’s already fans at the arena and Harry doesn’t acknowledge them - keeps his head down and walks quickly into the private entrance past the barricades.

When a irritated fan screams, “Asshole! We waited all night here for you!”

YN watches as Harry goes to turn, to say something but she pushes him forward through the door to prevent him from doing something he’d regret when wasn’t in a foul mood.

They manage through the long hallways, filled with bustling tour crew, and everybody there to make the show happen.

Sound check isn’t as fun as it usually is, the band stays low-key when Harry does exactly what he needs to do and nothing more.

And after the merch meeting, Harry has reached his limit apparently.

He was so tired, so fucking moody that he couldn’t deal with anymore human interaction.

YN has to step in when she gets a text from Harry Lambert.

Come get your husband. Sarah’s Kitchen.

She sighs, excusing herself from hanging out with Jeff and Glenne - she can hear him from the hallway and now she’s finally get irritated.

“I asked for that specific brand. It’s literally one of the only things I’ve asked for on this tour.”

YN takes a deep breathe before stepping in, there are crew trying not to stare as Harry complains to Sarah about something unimportant.

“Harry,” She says flatly, “Come on.”

He snatches his water bottle and follows his wife out without another word, trailing behind until they end up in his dressing room.

“You need to stop. You’re being a literal nightmare today,” YN tells him, watching him as he digs in the duffle.

“Where is m’charger? Did y’not pack it?” He ignores her words.

“I must have forgot. Harry, I know you’re tired but you can’t be treating everyone like-“

Harry pushes back the bag, seething for no reason, “I’ll treat people however the fuck I want!”

“You’re acting like a spoiled popstar right now,” YN replies, attempting to stay level-headed and calm with him.

“S’my show! M’tour!”

“Yes and everyone is here to support you and you’re treating them like shit. Including me, I’m your wife - the one person in the world that’s here for you no matter what and you’re being downright mean.”

“Y’so fuckin’ sensitive,” Harry mutters angrily, digging around to try to find a charger in a different bag.

And…that stung a bit.

When he doesn’t get a response, he looks up and notices how her demeanor had changed - it brings him back to reality for a little bit.

“I’m not going to stay here and be talked to like that because you don’t feel good. I’ll leave you alone because you are being insufferable.”

“Bab-“

YN is already out the door, storming back to Sarah’s kitchen to apologize for her husband’s diva behavior and everyone shrugs her off - knowing it’s not her fault.

She is sat down with the band and a few others when her husband saunters in, he doesn’t look at anyone else as he walks up to his wife.

“Baby, can I talk to you?” He mumbles, his warm hand coming to cup her shoulder.

“Harry,” YN says back, they’ve been together for so long that those words are all she needs to say for him to formulate a response.

“Come nap w’me please, need you. I’ll apologize t’you,” Harry says, his palm encompassing and big on her.

“Harry,” She repeats.

The crew looks on in amusement as Harry huffs, he lifts his head and speaks loudly to the room at once, “I apologize for my behavior. I have no excuse for getting upset like I have been today. I hope you guys can forgive me.”

Everyone assures him that they forgive him, most of them have dealt with actual spoiled celebrities and Harry was just having a bad day (which still really wasn’t that bad.)

“Okay, come on, bunny,” YN agrees, satisfied and can’t help but smile a bit when she stands up and Harry automatically intertwines their fingers to hold her hand.

The sofa in his dressing room folds out to be a bed and they still had hours before the show.

Once they’ve locked the doo and settled down on the mattress - they’re both laying on their sides, facing each other.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” Harry whispers, “I haven’t been very nice t’you today. I was just upset about the gym thing and just being so tired.”

YN hums, combing throwing his fluffy curls with her fingers as his hands explore over her hips and belly like always.

“You always get like this every once in a while on tour, like a little spoiled popstar,” YN says softly, no sharpness in her tone, “You also need to be nice to your wife.”

“M’always nice t’my wife,” He mumbles childishly, leaning forward to nip at her chin, “I am sorry, know tha’ when I act like that it embarrasses you.”

“You’re better than acting like that,” YN reminds him, allowing him to tug her into his warm, now bare chest, “I’m never gonna let you turn into some fame monster. You’re gonna stay the kind, funny, compassionate person I met when I was young.”

And when YN doesn’t get a reply, she glances to see Harry’s eyes shut, mouth slightly parted as he breathes rhythmically and his entire face relaxes as he sleeps.

“Still my boy,” YN murmurs lovingly, nuzzling before letting sleep overtake her.

-