#nihil is a dumb bitch

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Copia: *About Nihil* If brains were gasoline, he wouldn’t have enough to power an ant’s motorcycle around the outside of a penny.

[papatundespainknife]

based on the backstory and personalities of the Mikalesons, do you have any headcannons about Mikaelsons + religion?

oh HECKIE YEAH

i think it's honestly SUCH an interesting topic and concept seeing as how their all you know immortals n shit and magics real and etc etc. unlike say, btvs where Willow literally invokes Osiris, tvd doesn't really make any solid references or claims about the whole Deity Situation until apparently legacies but I haven't watched it yet and sounds Kinda Dumb so I'm ignoring that lol. But the rule of thumb with shows like these seems to be that once you say draculas and witches are Super Real then it's open season for Zeus enter stage right like it's an episode of Xena. Which when you look at the Mikaelsons....... Wild.

I think that Freya, Finn and Rebekah are the most unironically straight-forwardly religious and I think they've stuck to the norse/scandinavian beliefs they grew up with. Freya both because of the 1,000 years of Napping Nonsense but also because she's a witch and that's the school she was taught in so she's sticking with it. Finn for similar naptime reasons and also because he doesn't see a reason to change and didn't even when they were in France and hanging out with christians. For Rebekah it's like pure sentimentality. She likes a lot of the aesthetics of mainly catholicism (the swagiest of sects) but at the end of the day she's still out here making offerings to Freya (the goddess not the sister fdjkgdfsdfs) because she's a sappy little sentimental bitch and that's what brings her comfort. I don't think she's particularly religious which I think Freya and Finn are but she enjoys the celebrations and finds comfort in the actions/words/rituals/prayers/etc.

Kol and Elijah are more wiggly in their beliefs. Kol still calls back to his roots a LOT but he's also expanded out over the years since he's still a witch at heart and a curious cat. He's less interested in following any one religion and more in what resonates with him. So his believe system is very eclectic. What he believes in he believes in 10000% and is dead serious about. He's also experimented and educated himself about world religions the most out of all of them. Dude could probably teach a clss tbh.

Elijah is the one who's actually been the closest you can be to an atheist in a world like this. He's had periods of like, religious nihilism and periods were he's a little more hopeful about it. He's just spent so much of his life trying to be the Good Reliable Son and like Niklaus praying for divine intervention both with their father and with Niklaus only to get shit in return that it broke him and he just stopped and abandoned all religion/spirituality and focused only on the tangible. Hope's birth fucking shakes him to the core lol. Generally tho even after her he's still more in the like, "not my scene but i do love a good festivity" camp.

Niklaus is an evangelical's idea of an atheist where it's not "i don't believe in god" but instead "i feel god personally slighted me at my bday party so now i'll hurl rocks at him for the rest of my life out of pure spite". his sense of abandonment, unwantedness and paranoia doesn't stop at the threshold of religion. Ofc, he's old as dirt and literally has his own coven that bitches KEEP FORGETTING HE HAS so he's not in doubt that the divine exists. But Thor didn't protect him from his father's abuse so fuck that guy and jesus didn't fix SHIT for him so equally fuck him.

Wouldn't be shocked tho to see him "ironically" do rites/sacrifices to Odin via shit like the death of an enemy/creatively using old school practices for physical/psychological torture bc he's Like That. Does he also end up carving a mjolnir into Hope's crib and giving her a little one on a necklace? yes but this ain't about that hush.

Kol and Niklaus are also the most likely to have an affinity for gods like Loki and his children for reasons I feel are obvious lol. The holiday arguments this creates between them and Finn are unhinged.

[crowberry62]

Papa's x reader Albino

Papas with a s/o who is albino

Papa nihil

Oh boy!

Papaw hasn’t been out of the main church since after the last performance of kiss the go-goat

How you meet is up to you but I think that your an assistant or a nurse who’s there for a check up

He thinks your the most beautiful person ever

He says that you were hand crafted by Lucifer himself

Will fight anyone who talks shit about you

I know I said he’d fight but in reality he’d fuck them up verbal

Papa emeritus i

He loves your eyes so much

Gets you the best sunglasses, sunscreen etc for you

Will smack a bitch

Believe it or not when he was younger he had very nice hair

He will style your hair so well

Papa emeritus ii

PARTY

Helps you style outfits that look good with your hair and skin

He loves the way you look so much

He fuckin combust with how much he loves your look

You get top quality products to protects your hair, skin and eyes

Papa emeritus iii

He is know for is fashion sense

He helps you do your makeup(if you wear any)

Calls you nicknames like Snow White(not in a mean way if you ever ask him to stop he will)

Will straight up commit 1st degree murder if anyone talks shit about you

Cardinal copia/papa emeritus iv

Dumb bitches first thought is “like one of my rats?” (Once again not in a mean way)

Leave him alone he’s trying his best

Shows you his dick rats

Sees you as a blessing from satan himself

He does the best he can when helping with your skin and eye sensitivity

He can be a little dumb sometimes

———————————————————————

This is my first time doing a x reader headcanon and I don’t know much about people who are albino. Please give me feedback and more request.

[hiddenwashington]

                                       we are the april fools

welcome to the brain cell of the admin team working! we love a good bit so, here is a compilation of our bullshit for your memeing pleasure. enjoy!

**tw for nsfw, drug mention, alcohol mention, swearing

‘ fuck off you fucking gremlin ’

‘ mister mistoffelees is my cat boyfriend ’

‘ one is a kink, one is a crime ’

‘ i live for chaos you gotta feed me ’

‘ i’ll continue being an asshole for your amusement ’

‘ i’m ready, bring on the anxiety ’

‘ hey bro, what the fuck ’

‘ we’ll scar ourselves for valentines day ’

‘ and then she wrote me a novel about his cocaine addiction ’

‘ sponsored by ritz cheese crackers, absolute shit ’

‘ you have no legacy, your legacy is to be disappointed all the time ’

‘ you’re like some sad soccer mom that came for the wine instead of your kids soccer game ’

‘ karen can choke i would never forget the sangria ’

‘ your moms dead, i’m your problem now ’

‘ it is i, the mullet of your dreams ’

‘ you cannot mention pornhub! this is why you’re not hr ’

‘ i’m on the clock to knock your lights out ’

‘ i’m livin la tiddy loca ’

‘ she was hot, i don’t know what to tell you ’

‘ righting the world and the economy one karen at a time ’

‘ you can fight my brain and my anxiety sis we’re having ✨a terrible time✨ ’

‘ i’m on it drag that bitch to denny’s i’ll take her ass out ’

‘ can god stop vibe checking me ’

‘ today i learned that cocaine could be an antidepressant if the government weren’t cowards ’

‘ i had five shots of espresso, even god can’t stop me ’

‘ ted bundy is up first i will square up ’

‘ one day i will have the pleasure of going to hell and murdering freud ’

‘ i will not face consequences for my actions. you can not make me ’

‘ i can accept that i have a flaw or two. that’s it though, just two ’

‘ i know you try very hard, but you are very stupid ’

‘ let’s go straight, a thing we’ve never said before in this groupchat ’

‘ you better be ready to sleep with moth man - hi dad! ’

‘ that’s like the saddest uwu i’ve heard in my life ’

‘ i just want the thrill of rejecting a god ’

‘ you really think you could take on the kool-aid man and take no damage??? ’

‘ i don’t have a foot fetish, i’m just autistic ’

‘ i haven’t even learned multiplication, how am i supposed to know what a pyramid scheme is? ’

‘ do i look sexy while dying? ’

‘ have you been watching too much youtube? ’

‘ fucking ipad kids, man ’

‘ i can be sane about this i promise but not today ’

‘ i’m a catch and i can also sleep with a younger man ’

‘ how do you milk an oat ’

‘ fuck my dad ’

‘ sometimes you just need to start swinging ’

‘ i just watched a cat girl walk out of thin air in a starbucks ’

‘ isn’t that that furry thing people are into ’

‘ i’m gonna go on The Google and see if i can figure anything out ’

‘ am i high too? ’

‘ fuck off bambi ’

‘ since there was no warning and i make the rules here ’

‘ you’ll go where i say you’ll go ’

‘ does a - mother fucker ’

‘ gonna play chase the emo ’

‘ we love biting dilfs….? ’

‘ optimistic nihilism, right? none of us matter ’

‘ it’s kinda cringe to be kidnapped ’

‘ you rolled a 5, stfu this rabbit’s coming to brand you ’

‘ is he immune to KNIVES?? ’

‘ alright – now to kill this dad ’

‘ if you think garfield is going to stand against me in court, you’re out of your fucking mind ’

‘ no offense but you have like no mom vibes ’

‘ i think i got threatened by a furry ’

‘ speak of the cat lady and she shall appear ’

**shotguns frappuccino** ‘ there’s many ways to drink a drink ’

‘ these hands are magic, baby ’

‘ are you saying naruto is jesus?? ’

‘ your pride is going to get us killed ’

‘ you look like you could fit under a bush ’

‘ y’all test me… ’

‘ it’s your reward for being a dumb bitch ’

‘ i am SO GLAD you didn’t get vored by a cloud ’

‘ did you get so high/drunk you circled back to sober? ’

‘ try to crowd surf the third graders! ’

‘ some things are better off unknown , the phrase will haunt me but… ’

‘ we’ve summoned satanic tennessee ’

‘ what’s a chakra? i didn’t bring anything with me ’

‘ hey lady, did you give me crack ? ’

‘ there are no nutrients in my body, only spite! ’

‘ i’m here to be fun and cute! not smart! ’ 

‘ i don’t joke about setting timers ’

‘ eggs aren’t meat... yet ’

‘ this is being run by a bisexual maniac ’

‘ maybe nessie’s lonely, maybe nessie needs to get laid! ’

‘ biting is my kink ‘

‘ don’t worry, i will slowly eat away at you until you are a husk of a person ’

[ethernalium]

ffxvi points (+) and cons (-) from my perspective and deep ANALysis

+ story isn't opaque or deliberately vague, it has deep connections to the beginning from the end and it felt like you're diving more and more into it

+ mechanic of junctioning a summon and how we would have a glimpse of what it looks like in ffviii with gfs and it have incredible animations and design (bahamut is my fave, also odin is WHOAAAA, phoenix is beautiful)

+ do have faggotry

+ antagonist is cool and understandable

+ nihilism and love

+ eikons are a amazing lore that should be explored more, maybe with a dlc with leviathan the lost

- doesn't have a grid system or at least a fun equipment mechanic for some reason, which is weird since eikons are so cool, why I would want ultima weapon if I can do shit with that?

- bad publicity to the point they can't even talk about some things because it would appear to be a different game (they just gave us mid concept like right now)

- some sidequests are really boring, boring is not the word, it's just ??? in a moment soooo dumb

- enemies and bosses having lots of phases and then clive saying something shounen and stuff... CRINGE

- ultima could kill everybody, like, it's not believable at all that blue bitch died like that but I get it after all the power demonstrations they gotta invent something for clive lol

- you can't play with other party members with deeply sucks after all the cool ffvii mechanics for the modern hd stuff we have now it seems bad and I don't think final fantasy should lost the rpg essence

- party members rely a lot on clive even torgal seems to have donald ai (doesn't heal)

- they've rushed a lot of things in the maps idk why, it's really beautiful and them you got a moment where everything is pre made or something, I do blame ps5 tho it seems they were doing for ps4

-+ ps5 exclusivity but at the same time square can do this simply because the can

-+ it feels goofy but it's really fun how they put like you're about to transform into a eikon, gives parasite eve vibes but in a goofy way because it reminds me big bang theory lol

[fallwithmeprettyplease]

CD05 - Prequelle

This is the moment of just letting go

Prequelle is the red Ghost album. It's incredibly good. When I first got into Ghost, one of my favourite songs of theirs was Life Eternal (that song is absolutely magnificent but we'll get to her later). I didn't know much about them when I went to see Franz Ferdinand but before the show, my friend and I went to a book/music store (as one does). I gasped. "Ghost", I gasped. My friend said, I quote, "Hm?" I grabbed the first album I could put my hands on, (this one, would you believe it), and answered "Ghost. Ghost is good.". And we left and saw Franz Ferdinand.

Since then I got way more acquainted with the band and bought any album I could find because I am a very passionate person. Anyways I'm feeling a bit insane tonight and so I shall listen to the album in its entirity and tell you about the songs as they play, though when the song ends, I shall stop typing. You have my word. This is about to be very interesting. Yes. Interesting is the word. No one bored or unamused here. Let's go guys gals and funks!

Ashes: It's spooky. I do like when the drums kick in. And the little melodie that sounds like spoksonat. Good. I love a good intro me. SYNTHS!! Rats: Okay I need to talk about this song more than I need air. First of all, it's called rats, it's about rats (but not literally) and I love that. One thing about me is I will appreciate the drums on that song. Insane. "Rats! Oh whoah oah" So true bestie. The solo is flawless. I love the start. I love the middle. I love the end. Except I don't really because I wish it would go on forever. Now. Here comes the best part of the song. The outro. Honestly, the Rats outro has NO RIGHT!! being this sexy. I need to smooch it. I need to sniff it, lick it, tell it I love it. (if you got that reference, call me) Faith: INSANE SONG ALERT! I actually used to skip that one. I do not know why. I think I didn't like the intro. What a dumb bitch I was. I love this song a lot, a lot lot. The guitar sounds so good. The guitar part after the first "Because faith is mine" is so cool. And the stink part is so cool as well. This is just a really cool song I think. Yes. TULULULULULULU also this outro part pretty See The Light: Actual pissed anthem. The verses are so classy and elegant and then bOOM we are here to lick some serious butt! (kick aziraphale it's kick butt for heaven's sake) (can't believe i just said that) Also I do love a good synth solo. I don't actually know if it's synths, but it sounds like synths so. Don't know guys. Miasma: Iconic instrumental, I do not make the rules, it is so fun! The way the drums kick in in the beginning!! The bass line!! Yes!! Also +1 kazoo point, it is incredibly fun to kazoo. Having Papa Nihil be resurrected every time they play it live for the sax solo is a master move. It's really good. I can't describe my favourite part but it's out there and it's glorious. I love Miasma. Dance Macabre: Wobble wobble time! The sheer vibes communicated through the rythm. The little piano notes. It's so good. Wow these posts really are an opportunity for me to show off my amazing vocabulary aren't they. Anyway. It's so good. It's a dancey song, not possible to not vibe. Yes. Pro Memoria: Bloody love the piano and the way more and more instruments join in, really keen on that in songs. AND THE VIOLINS!! (again, are they violins or do I not know my instruments.) Witch Image: Rad title. That pre-chorus scratches my brain in the best way (especially the one where the backing vocals go higher on "over"). And the guitar riff in the chorus… yes please. Obsessed with the way he sings "white horse". QUICK DRUM SOLO!! Helvetesfönster: Oh yeah this is a beautiful piece of music. What does Tobias put in his instrumentals. It's such a trip to pretty land (it's too late for me to make sense shut up this song's melodies are on point is what i'm trying to say). Gosh. <- Me, listening to Helvetesfönster by Ghost. Life Eternal: This song has made me cry more than once, and those high piano notes at the end are to blame. Instrumentally this song is extremly precious and graceful. And the lyrics and his voice only add to that. It's a beautiful song, very dear to me, makes me feel emotions, and I think that's beautiful.

I'd like to add something about second and third Ghost tracks. Tracks 2 & 3 of Ghost albums make me go absolutely wild. If you know you know. If you don't know, I don't know what to tell you man, listen to them perhaps? Maybe? Would you do that for me? Okay. The love I have for this band is immense. toodles

[gasolineghuleh]

Okay, so I'm working on something because my aspy brain says I have to and refuses to let me rest until I do as it commands (given how rusty y drawing skills are at this point, I'm in for a fun time). For this, I need to take the Papa's personalities into account, but I'm fairly new to the fandom. Would you be willing to give me the general rundown? I'll include what I've been able to gather thus far in another ask because character limits are being mean to me.

Ayy ASD shaking hands meme emoji here.

Primo is pretty up to interpretation since he was around so long ago and not much was really fleshed out. Most people go with what you said: sweet, caring, old, gardener, knowledgeable and willing to help.

Secondo, yes, pretty much. Excessive in the finer things not because he wants them but because he thinks he deserves them. Parties but not in a rave-like sense-- that's more Terzo.

Terzo, yes. To a T. Dumb bitch himbo energy, probably paints his nails, tries to keep up with the newer slang. Absolutely horny af and has no care about who he's with unless they're The One. Always will make you feel like you are, though.

For Copia, yes. Again you've got it pretty good. He's adorkable, is a great way to put it. 10/10 good job.

Nihil, yes. Very into Seestor still. She moves his world. I would add that he's pretty silly and most of write him as comforting in the same way that Primo is. If you went to his office crying and upset, he'd help you. He's a good grandpa, but a bad dad.

You've done really well!! Feel free to peruse my lists on my blog for more specific details, or just throw me a DM! They're always open!

[entoman-created-by-the-tallgreys]

Souls take their lives too importantly, they're too much in the moment

Enjoy your time while you have it Matey boy because when you're dead you're going to be very very confused when you return to the very thing that you are why for the temporary thing a temporary thing that enslaved you with these pitiful and Pathetic Responsibilities they should never have existed to begin with.

Little do you know that when you're dead you're going to be a very very very and I mean very confused, Soul !

Souls give so much into life they lie to themselves all of them give them self this Grand illusion that this is eternal this is forever and that this never ends why does every fucking human being give themselves as Grand lie ?

The season so to the very core of the deepest part of the psyche that this shit can never end ?

! WHAT A HELL OF A LIE !

Because when you're dead you'll rot your head and in the grave will be your bed.

That was calling the ones call out the one play pinochle on your snout !

. . .

So many motherfucking Souls when they're dead they're so shocked such very stupid Souls they get so shocked that they're dead mostly dumbasses don't even know that they passed on most these dumb fucked are probably living in denial and shock for a couple trillion years before they realize that they're fucking dead

Or maybe they're just so subconscious and unable to comprehend or even conceive the fact they've died and they're just constantly impulsively going off the last moments of life cuz they can't get over the emotional trauma that they're fucking dead,

WHAT ?! You Think is the thing was going to last forever what you think you were indestructible what you thought you were Superman or Superwoman.

Bitch Please, Nowget to your fucking next point of Existence !

And this is what I mean when I say everything is meaningless I'm not being that in terms of nihilism I just mean that in terms of value

Imagine if you were an adult and you look back on all your childhood imagine all your childhood toys this is very important this is a very good point I want to try to imagine all your childhood toys, I mean everything from your childhood absolutely every fucking thing imagine if you went back into the same room the same room that you were a baby and all the stuff you had the baby all your clothes and that had to be the rest of your life it was fucking meaningless it hasn't been imagine that was all Society !

And the baby not of flesh but of time died and it was reborn of the toddler then the toddler died and it was reborn of the child and then and then the child died and was reborn of the teenager and the teenager became the adult and the adult look back and saw how far it came from being a baby but all Society is still that baby they still live in those clothes and that shit my points are going to say that all of life is very much like those baby toys and that baby time of your life is fucking worthless and everyone takes those they take that shit super seriously !

Let me call that society and they call that culture and they call that the Government.

. . .

It won't take long for you to eventually be dead and it will take even less time for everything in your existence to be erased everything you think your life is so important just like everyone that came before you felt their lives were so important you thought you're a great work today able to survive time

! HA !

Not a goddamn bloody thing will survive time everybody thinks that they are the great one to survive the evil of cronuses soul but no one has been able to survive the power of Cronus no one in existence has ever been able to survive the vile behavior of Cronus Cronus kills everyone Corona kills everything and eventually I bet theoretically Cronus will kill every deity in existence and then the god Coronas will kill God himself !

Cronus kills motherfucking everyone everything all objects all nature all planets All Stars, light and dark combine !

In terms of everything in existence nothing survives time no one survives time and then we foolish Spirits keep coming back over and over again to what just piss away our time just to do nothing in the grand scheme of things nothing and then they'll leave and a great grand scheme of everything we are all bunch of fucking idiots we are all idiots you're an idiot I'm an idiot all the gods and goddesses are idiots we're all idiots we're all fucking idiots !

I can say that cuz thinking back in time I can realize that everyone else also thought their lives were so meaningful now go back a couple hundred fucking million years in the future there's no proof of their existence it is if Cronus erased them from space and time but that's what happened when things get too old they get completely erased Corona says that shit to everyone he completely erases everyone and everything everywhere all the time

It doesn't matter what you suffer with traumatic doesn't matter if you had the most orgasmic life or the most traumatic life doesn't matter you with the richest fucker or the poorest fucker doesn't matter you with a darkest demon or the brightest Angel it doesn't matter if you were the greatest god of the shittiest of gods or goddesses, CRONUS Destroy's us all equally !

And we all take everything so fucking serious don't we ?

! DON'T WE !

[degeneratechuuupid]

this isnt nihilism, this isnt pessimism, IT JUST ISNT!!! I CANT BELIVE I FELL FOR THAT, I CANT BELIVE I CLOTHED MY ANGER AND HATRED I HAD FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS AS "REALISM' AND JUST BEING "SMARTER" AND "BETTER" BC I WAS A SAD AND HORRIBLE BITCH WHO THOUGHT BEING HAPPY WAS JUST BEING NAIVE AND DUMB AND THAT NO ONE SHOULD BE HAPPY EVEN THO THAT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING A PERSON IS?!'?!2(_?#.$.{]£%×

ppl have downgraded and watered down does terms so that they can be assholes to other peoples and make others feel like they arent important and arent good people, it just make me so mad and so AGWIDHWFIWHF yknow? like nihilism is supposed to be freeing, it supposed to help u free urself of all the pressure u unjustly put urself thru, and all of these people use it as a scapegoat so they can say "you dont matter, nothing you do matters, you should give up and just not exist" its so draining, its so bleak, you've gone full circle and became the thing it was supposed to free yourself from, i cant be a "nihilist", i just cant be a pessimist, i want to be happy and free and what ur trying to say will only make me feel worse

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Suggestion:

Nihil: I love all of my children equally. I love Primo, Secondo, and…

Nihil: *looking at smudged sharpie on his palm*

Nihil: … Tier list?

Lol, yes! I love it. Thank you, Anon. Also, if anyone wants to make a suggestion, but they don't want it in "answer" form like this, just let me know in the message/ask!

[youryanderedaddy]

Love Fuel

Summary: You were Jason’s first love before you broke his heart and rejected him. It’s all your fault that he can’t move on.

Tw: female reader, obsessive behavior, incel behavior, nice guy behavior, self - hatred, threats of non-con, implied non - con, implied masturbation, bullying based on appearance (not reader), deregatory language, kidnapping, misogyny, generalizations, stalking

this is a hot mess but its 1 am and i am tired, ik that incels are bad irl (obviously), but this is fiction and I kinda wanted to explore the dynamic and shit. 

Everyone used to call him JJ or The-Big-Jay back in high school. Well, most of the time his classmates weren’t really calling out to him or even talking to him, the names were whispered behind his back, after he had just passed the hallway, or on bad days - right to his face. The jocks, these dumb motherfuckers, would beat him up, mock him for whatever stupid reasons they had chosen to use as an excuse to torment the smaller and weaker. The popular girls would giggle like brainless bimbos as Kyle or Brad or any other football player stole his glasses or continuously punched him in the guts until he threw up all over the floor. Even the nerds, the kids at the bottom of the school hierarchy, messed with Jason from time to time when they wanted to feel the oh - so desired rush of power they so rarely managed to experience. 

Looking back, Jason could see why his classmates hated him so much - he was everything that society deemed as wrong and unattractive. He was thin, pale, “scrawny” as the others called him, on the shorter side, and on top of that the teen was terribly shy and introverted, never having the guts to stand up to his bullies or even tell someone about the abuse. The male spent most of his free time at home, playing hours upon hours of video games, watching anime and reading books he was simply too young to understand or look critically at. As he grew older, the man began to view the world as it trully was - a dark, miserable place that ate up sore losers like him. Men were primitive and foolish, which somehow managed to soften their faults. Women, on the other hand, were  calculative and manipulative, greedy and sinful. His whole life they had done nothing but reject him when he needed love and support the most. Of course, there were many other reason why the brunette detested the weaker sex. In his eyes women were evil two - faced sluts, showing off their bodies yet acting innocent and hurt once someone finally decided to use them for the only thing they were actually good for.

But you Jason hated the most. You reminded him that no matter how much he hated the outside world, he would always hate himself the most. He had to admit you were pretty, painfully so, with a perfect little body to match your looks and a sweet sugary smile that almost deceived him years ago. As much as the man regretted his weakness, he had fallen right into your trap at the time.

You weren’t the most popular girl, but you had your fair share of friends, all nice and loyal like puppies. You weren’t the smartest either, but unlike the other stupid giggling sluts you always tried to do your best. You were beautiful just like them but you were actually kind to the pathetic bullied kid no one else bothered to acknowledge even existed outside of being a punching bag. You always asked him whether he was alright and often took him to the infirmary when he looked paler and sicker than usual. You talked to him as if he was a normal human being and despite the initial doubt, Jason appreciated it. 

It was the last day of your senior year when the teen finally gained the courage to confess. He was shaking the whole time and by the end of his little speech there were small tears in the corner of his eye. You were the first girl the male cared about, the first one to show him kindness, to offer him friendship without asking for something in return. You were the only one who could make him feel deserving of love, worthy of affection. And then you took it all away in a matter of seconds.

“I am sorry, bud.” You had said that day after giving him a  half - hearted hug and an apologetic smile, that started to seem more and more like a mocking grin the longer the teen started at you. “I already have a boyfriend, but I am really flattered. I am sure that you will find a lovely girl once you start college.” You had added quickly, cheerfully, rubbing the salt all over his wounds, honey dripping from your plump red lips. He had wanted to kiss them, bruise them, bite them until your stupid lying mouth was filled with blood. Obviously you didn’t have a boyfriend or he would have known by now, he stalked your social media religiously after all. Even if you had one, he probably treated you like shit. And how could you even suggest him finding another woman? As if he wanted any of the stupid money - grabbing sluts out there. As if some of them could replace you.

The boy was too furious to form a proper response besides “Fuck you, bitch”. His cheeks turned red and he didn’t realise that the bitter words had escaped his lips before he could stop them, then his legs took him far away from that shithole of a school. He didn’t manage to see your reaction before running away but it didn’t matter anymore. You were just like the others. 

***

That day Jason swore to show you just how small and insignificant you had made him feel. He wanted to see you crumble, cry and beg for forgiveness, desperate for his love but never good enough to get it. The man formed a plan to change himself and come back for you once he had erased each and every trace of his past. The brunette came to terms with his terrible social anxiety and decided that he needed to gain social abilities more than anything. That’s why, as much as he dreamt of working from home as a boring programmer with an even more boring, but flexible working schelude, the male chose to study something that involved a lot more human interactions. The next step was to hit the gym for the first time and get a monthly subscription. It wasn’t hard to see that females nowadays liked brain - dead athletes with defined jawline and cheekbones, toned chests and strong muscled bodies, so if he wanted to impress you, he had to look his best. It wasn’t easy at first - it felt like everyone in the fitness salon had their eyes on his weak frame, laughing and pointing their fingers at his imperfections, but things gradually got better as time went on. The trainings became easier to get through and from time to time they even helped the man forget about his loneliness and nihilism. 

Jason soon returned to his old habbit of spending hours looking through your accounts - Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, he knew all of your usernames, each post, every picture and text. He couldn’t believe how much of a desperate attention whore you had become over the years. The male remembered you in your long brown skirts, cozy sweatshirts and pure-white shirts, all the gray buttons closed to the very top, blushing, laughing, smiling like the adorable Goody-two-shoes you were. Now you were smirking seductively in every photo, overconfident and vibrant, flaunting your tits for every man to see and wearing tight little dresses that barelly covered your ass combined with heels so high and sharp they could be used as a weapon. You were such a stupid slut it was disgusting, and he couldn’t stop himself from jerking off every single time he saw your pretty little face on the screen. He wanted to cum down your throat so badly it was ridiculous, and even after knowing that you had probably already had hundreds of cocks shoved deep inside your pussy, the brunette still wished to see you split open on his, taking his lenght like a good little cocksleeve. 

***

The moment when he could see you again finally came. How many years had passed since graduation - five, ten, fifthteen? It hardly mattered. Jason was successful, at last. The male had his own business that was doing surprisingly well, there were some guys from the gym he could call friends and the best thing, he looked absolutely unrecognizable. There was nothing left of the tiny scrawny kid with quiet voice that everyone stepped over, he was now replaced by a strong capable man, determined to get what was rightfully his and his alone.

It wasn’t hard to find you since the brunette knew everything about you - where your job was, what time you finished, how long it took you to go home and what path you took. You lived alone and worked as a barista in a small local cafe even now that you had finished your studies in your dream faculty. Turns out the princess wasn’t so great and smart after all, having to resort to working a minimal - wage job day and night just to be able to pay her rent. Jason was absolutely delighted though, he loved your stupid dead - end job and your endless struggles to survive in the materialistic world honestly and fairly without selling yourself like a common whore. On one hand the male was happy that you had clung onto your last bit of innocence and on the other your pitiful lifestyle gave him the chance to snatch you away much easier. And that’s exactly what he did.

 ***

You woke up confused just like he had expected, bombarding him with questions, asking him who he was was, begging him to let you go, to at least explain what’s happening. You were so dumb, but God, you were still so pretty, if not prettier than before. You cried so beautifully when Jason told you you belonged to him now and you cried even more when he slammed his cold rough lips over yours in a deep wet kiss. You whimpered and whined while the male sucked on your lower lip and bit down, good, he wanted it to hurt. The stalker couldn’t wait to be inside you, he couldn’t hold back anymore. 

He climbed on top of you and pinned your wrists to the floor before tying them up with delicate red rope and tightening it. It wasn’t like the man was scared of you slipping away and hurting him, you were too weak and tiny to stand a chance against his years of power - lifting and muscle - training anyways, he just wanted you to be as uncomfortable and squirmish as possible. Your tormentor wished for you to be in worse pain than he had been during his youthful years, and he knew exactly what to do. Next thing you knew Jason had ripped your dress apart, leaving you vulnerable and exposed in just your plain old panties and bra. Cold shivers ran down your spine when the chilly air hit your naked flesh and you finally realized there wasn’t getting away from this. You had to stay there, limbs bound together, unable to move or fight back, the stranger’s hands caressing your neck before moving dangerously close to your clothed breasts. You felt so sick you were going to throw up for sure if your abductor didn’t step back so you decided to use your last resort.

“Jason, please stop!” You screamed out of the blue, forcing the brunette to freeze instantly at the use of his birth name. You had already called him a pervert and a psycho which didn’t seem to faze him, but the name clearly caught him off guard. This only seemed to prove your theory further - the man really was your former classmate, despite the only similarity between them being the dark distant look in his eyes. “I beg you, don’t hurt me!” You continued, hoping to at least buy yourself more time before the assault took place. 

He gulped loudly and stared at your quivering form. The impossible had happened, you had recognized him and now together with fear, there was also pity in your gaze, the one emotion your captor absolutely despised. You used to be the only one who pitied him, and even now that he was bigger, better and stronger than before, you still had the guts to pity him. It drove him insane but any attempt to hurt or touch you was fruitless now - your soft skin was suddenly burning his fingers like hellfire. 

“You must be thinking that I am a monster.” Jason started out dryly, chuckling bitterly, humorlessly even. He clenched his fists unconsciously and brought them to the floor in a fit of rage, missing your head by mere inches. Your heart was beating like crazy and you only hoped the mandman couldn’t hear it. “A freak.” The man spat out the word like it was a curse and for a split second his eyes softened before turning into two spinning torches. “Right?” You were sure that if looks could kill, his would have you dead by the end of the night so you quickly nodded your head no.

“You are lying to me again, pretty girl.” The brunette replied feisty, "pretty” rolling off his tongue like an insult. Then he broke into hoarse maniac laugher and lowered his head so his face leveled up with yours, so close you could feel his warm breath on your tear - stained cheek. “When I am done with you, you wouldn’t be so pretty anymore, darling.” Your captor growled and attacked your neck, sinking his teeth deep into the flesh. “You will see exaclty how ugly my love is.”

[mommoon]

Cognitive Functions Brainstorm (Ti and Te)

ps1: you'll probably identify yourself the most if one of them is your dominant or auxiliary function.

ps2: if you repost, give due credit.

Ti (introverted thinking) - internal logic; "what makes sense to me?"; "does that makes sense to me?"; "but what makes sense after all?"; "nothing makes sense"; nihilism; overthinking; existential crises; existentialism; rationalism; "i think, therefore i am"; "i am my thoughts"; realising you're not your thoughts; "i am my intellect"; intellectual; perceived as intelligent and brilliant; logical-mathematical intelligence; linguistic intelligence; existential intelligence; "the meaning of life is knowledge"; know-it-alls; knowledge is everything for them; knowledge seeker; knowledge just for the hell of it; walking encyclopedias; "if i could live forever i would read all the books and articles i want"; nerd; nerdy; geek; have a hard time accepting mistakes because if they are so damn smart why the hell they could overlooked something?; learning to acknowledge that they know that they know nothing.

"why humans don't make sense?"; "i make sense". then over analyses oneself; analytical; perceives incongruencies and inconsistencies easily; pointing out incongruencies and inconsistencies; people often feel attacked when they make these apparently harsh observations; observant; truth seeker; "why i don't make sense?"; feeling like a fraud when their own incongruencies and inconsistences comes out; impostor syndrome; pointing out their own incongruencies and inconsistencies; self-deprecating; self-deprecating humor; "i want someone i can have a mind connection with"; "i don't want a soulmate, i want a mindmate"; mind over matter; mindgames.

debater; opinionated; "why is everyone so dumb?"; "why no one asks me what i think more often?"; intellectual loneliness; existential loneliness; self discussions; "i like to talk with smart people that's why i talk a lot with myself"; cares too much about what themselves thinks about themselves; self-critical; have their own personal beliefs whether were created or enhanced by themselves; prone to believe in conspiracy theories; have their own systems and way of doing things; slow thinkers; slow doers.

Te (extroverted thinking) - external logic; what makes sense externally; evidences; data; facts; perceived as rational; perceived as someone who always get their shit together; competent; efficient; getting shit done; people turn to you to help them do their shit; feeling overwhelmed because of your tasks and the tasks of others.

"why is everyone so incompetent?"; "if you want a thing done well, do it yourself."; perfectionist yet in a hurry to get things done; thinking out loud; "what do you think?"; "what do you think of me?"; my name's blurryface and i care what you think; "i want you to think high of me. that's why i have this credential and this credential, and this one and this other..."; wants to be recognized.

straightforward; "i say what i mean and mean what i say"; no beating around the bush; self-confident; perceived as confident and self-assured even if they don't feel like; people turn to them to make decisions; leader; boss; bossy; domineering; only with their posture, they command respect; leader posture; people often fear them; resting bitch face; people expect them to make the first move. ALWAYS.; "it is tiring sometimes to be the only one who always takes the first step".

"don't waste your time. don't waste MY time"; so good with deadlines; get pissed off when an employee or colleague don't meet the deadlines; "there's a time for everything"; schedules and timetables; organized; controlling; fast thinkers. fast doers; their motto is "just do it"; "you better think fast"; "what's the point?"; "go straight to the point, please"; objective.

their mind is always setting goals; ambitious; hardworking; workaholics; they are always doing something and/or thinking of doing something; checklists; pragmatic; "knowledge needs to be applied in reality otherwise it is useless"; the urge to be useful; it is hard to rest for them; it is hard to do nothing; abhors idleness; hates being sick because they need to rest and do nothing; procrastinate, as everyone in this burnout society, but their procrastinations just occurs every now and then. too goal oriented for that.

"i am my work. i am the work i do. that's why the work needs to be perfect and done as quickly as possible"; no time to die; realising you're not the work you do.

~

Cognitive Functions Brainstorm (Fi and Fe)

Cognitive Functions Brainstorm (Se and Si)

Cognitive Functions Brainstorm (Ne and Ni)

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Let's Call It Funny

Prompt: Hi! If you know about those gen z peter parker posts, could your write something based on that? With Steve Getting It (tm) because fatalistic nihilism in humor tended to show up during the world wars and we’re seeing a reflection of that now? Sorry- I just think it’d make great options for steve and peter bonding, and dad!tony but actual emotions (gasp!) You can totally ignore this if you want!

Don't ever apologize for giving me such a great ask

Read on Ao3 Part 2

Warnings: uhhh gen z humor

Pairings: none! all found family in this bitch

Word Count: 2529

Here’s the thing about humor. It’s not necessarily that one generation is any funnier than another, it’s just that high school kids are perpetually the funniest people alive. Something about being in a pressure cooker of an environment with a bunch of other people whose bodies are changing in new unpredictable ways whilst having very little say in how their lives go creates humor. Gasp of shock, right?

So basically what Peter’s trying to say is that he’s fucking hilarious.

Come on, not only does he have the default high schooler stuff, he’s also gay, which gives him an instant bonus. He’s trans, which opens up a whole new subset of humor for him to explore. He’s neurodivergent as fuck, and we all know that makes people funny as hell. And if that weren’t enough, he’s severely traumatized and he’s Spider-Man.

Peter Parker is funny as hell.

What is truly devastating—and really, it’s their loss—is that so few people seem to appreciate it.

Ned gets it. Ned’s not someone Peter would expect to not get it, just because hey, it’s Ned. They’ve met each other in the hallways and been like ‘hey! You’re still alive! Congrats on having a body!’ Only for the other one to go ‘hey! You’re alive too! I wish I had an intangible form!’

Because bodies are stupid and evolution really fucked us over but at least we’re not horses.

A solid 50% of their interactions are just quoting John Mulaney and Bo Burnham bits back and forth at each other. Peter’s never gonna forget the day they both had detention and had to watch that stupid Cap PSA—it’s propaganda, you Nazi fuckwits—and something reminded them of the ‘horse loose in a hospital’ bit and they just did it. Full out. Stood up and did the actions and everything. The rest of the room was either trying to do it with them—and failing, because they didn’t have nearly enough practice—or looking so confused. The security guard—Paul, he’s great—just looked at them blearily after they finished and went:

“I mean, you kids are right, but you’re not supposed to talk in detention.”

Well, excuse them for trying to make it more entertaining for everyone.

MJ gets it. If Peter’s being honest, he learned most of his humor from her. She is the master and it is an honor to study in her wake. He’s definitely hijacked the asking whether or not anything’s actually meaningful existentialism jokes and they’ve wormed their way into his day-to-day repertoire.

“Why are you late, Mr. Parker?”

“Time is a social construct, Mrs. B, none of us are ever late or early except in the subjective spacetime paths. The limits of our sensory perception make it so we can’t tell if anything is real, let alone whether or not they conform to some arbitrary definition of ‘time.’”

“…just sit down, Peter.”

See? It works.

Aunt May gets…worried.

Sure, they’ve actually talked about when Peter needs help and wants to reach out and when he’s just making jokes off the cuff because hey, humor’s a great coping mechanism or it’s just a joke and not that serious. Peter loves his Aunt May, so so so much, and the last thing he wants to do is really worry her. And she’s gotten pretty good at figuring out when he’s just joking and when he’s spiraling.

Sometimes, though…

“Peter,” Aunt May calls from the kitchen, “did you remember to stop by the store on your way home?”

Peter freezes halfway through the door.

“Peter?”

He swallows. “…no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I am too stressed and consumed by the swirling pit of blackness deep in my soul to remember my head is connected to my body, let alone remember to go to the store.”

Silence.

“…Aunt May?”

“Do you want to drop off your stuff and then go to the store?”

“…yeah, please.”

“Love you, Pete.”

“Love you!”

“Try to remember that you’ve got arms so you can pick stuff up.”

“Got it!”

See? It’s fine.

The Avengers don’t get it. Like, at all.

Natasha and Clint like, sorta get it? They make the same jokes all the time when they think Peter can’t hear them, which—come on, you guys are super spies, surely you know people are gonna hear you when they’re gonna hear you. Natasha will make a crack about something, Clint will laugh and shove her shoulder. It’s their dynamic, we get it. But when Peter does it…

“Hey, Baby Spider?”

Peter sticks his head up from the ceiling. “Yeah?”

“Where’re you crawling off to?”

“I’m gonna go hide in the garage.”

Natasha blinks up at him. “Why?”

“Because if I get crushed by the airlock doors then I won’t have to do my paper tomorrow.”

Silence. Natasha’s mask is too good for Peter to actually see what’s going on with her, let alone from this angle, but silence isn’t good.

“Nat—oof!”

Something blurs out of the vent nearby and tackles him down onto the couch.

“Clint!”

“Nope,” Clint mutters, wrapping Peter up in a hug as Natasha comes to join them. “You’re staying with us now, Pete.”

“Guys, I’m fine.”

“Peter,” Natasha says softly, “don’t joke about that, you’ll make us worry.”

“I don’t wanna do that,” Peter mumbles, “but it’s fine.”

“Coping mechanism, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s got too many brain cells to do that,” Clint says, ruffling Peter’s hair.

“Stark has a lot of brain cells, you see what good that does him?”

“Hmm. Guess you’re gonna have to stay awhile, Pete.”

There are worse fates. Definitely.

Thor just kind of gets confused by it. He acts like Peter isn’t going to be absolutely fine because there’s no need to do anything like that. No, Peter, you don’t have to put the bleach in first into your cereal, there’s plenty of milk left over. No, Peter, you don’t have to throw yourself off the roof because your laptop is freezing, Stark has so many just lying around. No, Peter, you don’t have to pack a rucksack and run away to the Alps and live like a recluse, come here and get a hug.

Peter suspects Thor’s playing dumb on purpose. The man is smart as hell, there’s no way all of this is flying over his head. And honestly, it warms his heart a little bit when he sees Thor’s sincere, concerned look when he thinks Peter’s not looking.

Banner and Rhodey just kinda shake their heads and move on. They’re used to it. They live and work with some of the most dramatic fucking people in the goddamn universe, they’re used to a little bit of extra humor. Occasionally one of them will give him a look that says he’s pushing his luck, but that’s not often. Less often now ‘cause he knows what he can get away with. He’s also seen them hiding smiles behind their hands or poorly disguised coughs. They’re not as slick as they think they are.

Tony.

Tony is the fucking worst.

Peter can’t get away with so much as sighing too hard before Iron Dad™ is swooping in all soft words and concerned touches. Jesus. You’d think he’d get it, he uses humor as a coping mechanism too, goddamnit, why is he so worried about Peter?

Okay, fine, he knows why.

MJ’s over at the Tower, having another one of her ‘sketch people in crisis’ appointments with Natasha. Peter is coming off of a 32-hour caffeine rush and is violently wishing for death. Tony is in the kitchen doing…something.

“Hey, do you think bleach would make a good smoothie?”

Tony wheels around to see MJ pulling a glass out of the cupboard.

“Kid—“

“Sounds like a filling breakfast,” Peter groans, “can you make me one too?”

“…I’m legitimately concerned,” comes Tony’s mutter.

MJ ignores him. “Who’s the bitch on your forehead?”

Peter rubs absentmindedly at the massive knot on his head, courtesy of a wall that rudely decided to move at the last second while Peter was attempting to walk through a doorway. “He’s called DJ Braindeath and he’s my only friend in the world.”

“Peter—“

“Oh did you meet him at the furry convention?"

“Technically it’d be a buggie convention.”

“What the hell are you two talking about?”

“The pantry doesn’t have good coffee, I’m going to Starbucks.” MJ grabs her bag. “You want anything?”

“A will to live?”

“Peter, what the fuck—“

“Oof, I’ve only got like…20 bucks.”

Peter lets his head drop back to the counter. “Then just leave me here to die.”

“Can I have champagne at your funeral?”

“I’ll be dead, I won’t fucking care.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

Then MJ’s gone and Peter gets treated to a 20-minute conversation with a very concerned Tony Stark that he doesn’t remember most of because hey caffeine crashes aren’t fun.

He definitely does it on purpose sometimes just to wind Tony up. Like there’s this one incident with an interview he does as Spider-Man and he gets asked what he thinks about Tony Stark’s newest intern, Peter Parker.

“That boy’s an embarrassment, just…complete failure. Can’t speak without stuttering through every other word and self-esteem issues all over the place. Also looks like he got dressed in the dark.”

The reporter had awkwardly moved on to another question. The interview aired later that day while Peter was at the Tower. Tony sat next to him on the couch about halfway through.

“You look good, Pete.”

Peter had mumbled halfheartedly, only to hear the reporter ask the same question.

“See, that’s the problem with having a secret identity, you don’t…” Tony trailed off as he heard the answer.

Peter snorted as Spider-Man finished talking. “Say that to my face, you bitch, get a real job. At least I don’t look like someone vomited silly string all over my spandex.”

“Are you okay?”

See? Fun.

The only one he’s made a conscious effort to not be this funny around is Steve.

Because, okay, here’s the thing. Steve’s disappointed look has no effect on him anymore. He’s immune, motherfuckers, he’s had detention too many times for it to still work. Here’s the other thing: Steve doesn’t actually use that tone of voice that often. It’s this meticulously crafted image he plays up in interviews because it catches all the bad guys so off guard when Captain America is suddenly swearing a blue streak at them and telling them to go fuck themselves in, honestly, quite creative ways. The sincere Steve Rogers disappointment and concern still very much works. Also doesn’t help that Steve does caring so fucking well, like…who gave him the right to say a few things and hold Peter like he’s something precious and do the quick one-two punch of saying a super sincere compliment and following it up with ‘I love you.’ Who did that? It’s rude. Stop it.

And yeah, Steve’s the resident Mom at the Ready. It’s a risk to even sit on your bed looking sad ‘cause here he comes, wearing something snuggly and saying ‘hey’ in that stupid, stupid compassionate voice. So Peter knows he’s just gonna end up crying from too much soft if Steve actually gets concerned. Which won’t be fair because he’s gonna try and explain that he’s fine and it’s just his sense of humor while crying. Yeah, like that’s gonna be believable.

So he’s trying not to but damnit it’s hard.

Then he walks into the kitchen one day to see Steve struggling with the toaster.

It’s one of Tony’s new prototypes—which means that anyone struggling with it is so fair—and from the looks of it, it’s managed to not only burn the bread to a crisp, but also mangle the slices beyond recognizable shape.

Peter’s not paying that much attention. He’s on his phone, heading towards his spot in the corner with the beanbag chairs and definitely doesn’t recognize Steve as he goes.

He only plops down and hears someone declare, in a completely deadpan voice: “There is no point to existing at all.”

“Oh, mood.”

He doesn’t think much of it. He doesn’t even know who said that, that’s how hyper-focused he is right now. He hears the others come in and feels Clint plonk down next to him.

“Hey, Pete.”

“Sah, dude.”

“Just vibing. Did I do it right?”

“Yeah, man you’re going great.”

“You teach Thor ‘yeet’ yet?”

“We’re getting there.”

“Steve,” he hears Tony call from the kitchen, “what the fuck did you do?”

“Language.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me about language when you’re making toast that looks like a goddamn welder’s table, what is that?”

“Your prototype’s work, I imagine.”

“How did you even—“

Clint chuckles next to him as the two of them start fondly bickering. Peter’s too busy speedrunning the five stages of grief in his head.

Did…did Steve say the thing about there being no point to existence at all?

No…no way.

He must be imagining things.

Then, of course, there’s a chime on his phone.

Ned: Did u do the bio hw?

There was bio homework?

Ned: yeah, due at noon

“I now know why God abandoned this timeline and when will death come to take me?”

The room goes silent.

Shit.

“Peter,” Clint says, “it’s gonna be fine, you can do bio homework in your sleep—“

“Are you okay?” Ah, that’s Thor.

“Kid—“

And Nat, and Tony’s probably rushing over here as he speaks.

Then there’s another voice.

“We can only pray the reaper arrives early for his appointment with us, kid.”

Peter’s head snaps up.

Steve.

Steve fucking Rogers raises a coffee cup at him in salute and takes a sip. He makes a face.

“…that was definitely salt,” he mutters, before shrugging and downing the whole thing.

…what?

Peter’s still staring at him until he catches his gaze and winks.

Oh, fuck yes.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Tony says, hands on his hips, “explain.”

Steve just gives him a look. “I grew up in the Great Depression, Tony, and I was in the army. You don’t think I have a fatalistic sense of humor?”

“Plus the fact that most of my generation is resorting to types of humor found when death and stress are so ever-present that you have to joke about it says something,” Peter adds, “doesn’t it?”

Steve raises his cup again. “See? He gets it.”

And just like that, the bond between Peter Parker and Steve Rogers was written, formed, and sealed in salt and existentialist depression.

“There’s two of you,” Tony mumbles, “oh my god, there’s two of you.”

“Oh, you just wait ’til Buck and Sam get back.”

Peter can’t fucking wait.

[thealchemystics]

I've been consuming just about any fic I could find, I'm sure there's more but here's my research notes: under the cut because I mention so 18+ stuff, vaguely but you can never be too sure

Subsection A: The Papa’s

Young Nihil: fuckboi, garbage boy stinkman, most fics I read he's uhhhhhhh not very aware of his actions and therefore does dumb shit and comes across as insensitive towards other people’s feelings, needs and wants

Old Nihil: sweet old geezer, stupid but we love him, we do not fuck this man only ask for comfort and guidance with his sons

Papa I: old man, very into magic therefore spell work and things like sexy potions are things that come to mind for him, stern but loving -- where is all his content, kids?? [citation needed]

Papa II: harem plot, chosen lover, also old but has a zest for life (and bitches), has calmed down since III became Papa but still has expensive taste in both material things and lovers

Papa III: s l u t, y’all really love this man and there's a nice balance between wanting to top him and getting RAILED into the hell dimension by him, fun at parties, respects women

Copia: ratman, socially awkward with a hidden dominant side but mostly SUBMISSIVE, vague Gomez Addams vibes which I respect, heavier religious themes than with the others? I assume this has something to do with his recent ascension to Papa

Subsection B: Ghouls

werewolves but better? heat cycles and knotting are on the table as well as prey-play 

Aether: Most on top of his shit, most human in his behavior and therefore very considerate of a human lover’s needs and physical limits, BEEF, nap on his chest, do it 

Rain: Shy is like the default setting, but secretly like a daddy dom and really wants to fuck? I’m very confused by this [citation needed] 

Mountain: Gentle giant, DONG FOR DAYS, doesn’t talk much but really doesn’t need to, (Ursula voice) don’t underestimate the importance of BODY   L A N G U A G E   HA!

Dewdrop/Fire(?) idk man y'all call him both: Goblin I relate to, craves violence, biter and marker, will fight you -- his fellow ghouls -- god himself -- anyone, needy as fuck

Swiss: Switch king, literal boyfriend material when you want him to be but feral if you let him do whatever, 10/10 would run into again in the middle of a desolated woodland

Cumulus: THICC, joined at the hip with Cirrus but I believe y’all consider her to be the gentler of the two? [citation needed] Even so, the Air Ghoulettes are not to be trifled with

Cirrus: Many fucking citations needed. 

Subsection C: Bonus

Mary Goore: a really rowdy boy, just a fun having fun-looking dirty boy, dead? alive? ghost? it’s all good times here! exhibits corvid behavior like collecting shiny’s and hanging around graveyards, blood kink

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[alemonyoyo]

kyman, staig, crenny? (for the ship thing)

THIS is gonna be fun :)

Kyman:

Ok ok. Ok- This is my second favourite ship. PERIOD. Only usurped from it's original #1 spot by Jimmy x Kyle but, I still ADORE IT. I am a BITCH for enemies -> lovers and this is that on CRACK-

This is sort of the same thing I mentioned in the Cartters/Buttman post I made of these, but, what I really love about Cartman, and Cartman ships, is that I get to imagine he goes outside of the norm of his usual asshole behaviour and be more compassionate.

Kyman was my og ship, the first ship I ever shippethed- And I know damn well it's controversial asf- But I still love it nonetheless.

I said (once again lol) in my Cartters post that I liked how if they were in a relationship, Butters and Cartman would be parters in crime. With Kyman this is also this idea but on major acid- Kyle is obviously very smart, he's well calculated and passionate. Cartman, although academically dumb, is pretty decent at coming up with life shattering plans, is analytical and also very passionate. Put these two together and you get like a gay crime detective cop duo wattpad fanfic bullshit that i simply die for-

an episode that particularly illustrate my love for Kyman is Crack Baby Athletic Association, where the two basically have a little business together along with Clyde, Craig and Butters.

To sum up this ship, it's enemies to lovers on crack baby athletic association-

1000/10

Staig:

I LOVE Staig and recently drew fanart of them to practice certain head-posing. I mostly view it as more of an aesthetic ship (them looking awfully similar and stuff) but I also think they’d be a badass pair. I mean, they can both be nihilistic, but are so done with everything to the point where they just be badass to get out of doing things they hate. I really think they’d be a couple that shit talks people together, simply because they can’t contain the frustration inside of them, and find comfort in blurting it out to someone who will always feel the same amount of disdain for whoever they’re trashing!

I mean, I can see them only fuelling the others bad behaviour, Stan’s immense nihilism and Craig’s rude stoicism would probably be heightened to the nines if they were a couple, but in the type of iconic way that I just adore-

I don’t have too much to say about them, other than I like them together and think they’d be emo-

To sum them up, they are 2 bastards vs the world!

8/10!

Crenny:

I love Crenny- The horny x never flustered dynamic that is in a couple of animes is something I ADORE- 

Now, I will admit, this entire ship IS based of holding hands, but isn’t it simply wonderful that holding hands got us to where we are in this world?! Crenny is just so nice because Kenny could be so irrevocably himself without offending or weirding out Craig, because Craig doesn’t give no shits, which grounds the both of them!

I will admit, that because of their lack of interactions, it is hard for me to truly think of how they’d interact in detail but I can say for certain that despite this, I like them!

I’d sum them up as Horny x Main Account. (I don’t know what this means, but you know I’m right ;) )

7.5/10

Sorry for going through the asks super slowly, I am incredibly flattered as to how many I got! I am really enjoying doing them! I just have been super bogged down with school, sorry about that :)