#no body talk to him for the next 10-12 business days

[cokoweee]

what about more donnie lore

Oh sure!

This still happens

[itoshi-s]

Bllk boys ranking though NNN also i lost bc of ur fics

PLSSSS nonnie im so sorry i made u lose !!! 😭 m happy u enjoyed it so much tho ajfhalkf now let me brainrot over how needy the bllk boys would be during the month of november !

ʜᴏᴡ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ɴɴɴ !

ft: rin, sae, bachira, isagi, ryusei, reo, nagi, aiku, chigiri, kunigami, kaiser, & barou !

cw: nsfw (minors -17 dni!), characters are 18+, fem reader, mentions of rough sex, the boys being switchy, edging, mutual masturbation, sex toys, cannabis !

12. rin - doesn't participate ! ─── yep :( as a rinnie stan myself i know it's disappointing LMAO but he just knows it's unhealthy 😭 and he takes care of himself and his body so much, there's no way. cannot be bothered to take part in such challenges anyway,, they were childish to him at 16 yet alone when he's older sfkfal also is so busy, he'd be a fool to let go of any chance to touch you !!

11. bachira - a day ! ─── no. 1 needy baby ! isn't completely against the idea, actually even tells you he might try it out once you mention it - but he truly forgets all about it as soon as he comes come several hours later .. and sees you looking soooo good. pounces on you within seconds <3 also has an impressive refractory period & stamina too ! can keep going for hours on end and stuff u so full.... it just doesn't end ! he cums for the first time so quick and loses the challenge embarrassingly early but he makes it up to you so well <3

more under the cut !

10. barou - three days ! ─── agrees to your pretty pleading eyes - you want the both of you to try it out so that once the month ends, all hell can break loose ! you know shoei so well, how rough he is on the daily - the thought of him going even further, all desperate and frustrated, makes you giddier than ever. it's of course such a dumb idea to him, but since you're asking him so nicely, he might as well agree..... yeah it only lasts the few days bc he's away on a game and just isn't there to see you and touch you :/ as soon as he's through the front door you can nearly scent the pheromones on him. fucks u into the mattress so hard you're scared of how rough he could be after a whole month !

9. nagi - five days ! ─── he's all about the slow and lazy loving and rarely ever initiates something himself ((you're more than happy to take control though bc just think...... blowing him under the desk while he's gaming???? yeah think bout it)) so you're not at all surprised when he mumbles something about taking part in a challenge the guys talked abt in the group chat . nagi can be a menace with how lazy he is sometimes so you have your toys in handy anyway akfjhsa BUT you honestly would've thought he could last longer ! he might not show his desperation all that often or openly but he definitely is needy <3 ruts into you in your sleep not even a week in. as you wake him and try to scold him playfully , he just pulls you closer with a groan . "'s a pain already," he huffs, "help me out?"

8. isagi - a week and a half ! ─── takes it as a joke at first but figures that it might be fun, actually, and tries it out in the end . he's got very good self control too so is curious how well it'll work when it comes to you and his needs !! it's going pretty smoothly considering how tight his practice schedule is before his next match, BUT it all goes down the drain after said game .. comes back absolutely pumped and high on the goals he scored , on the way he absolutely devoured the other team and controlled the whole field - there's no other way to unwind than to take it out on u <3 it's the only way he knows ! is so loud once he finally takes u & makes u praise him so much ! loves to hear he's your best boy n how good he is to u <3 praise kink yoichi goes brr (yes i am still thinking about the thirst moshi ((@/saetoshis)) did !! its canon i confirm)

7. kunigami - two weeks ! ─── he wasn't rly going to take part when he first read about it in the gc but once he mentions it to you and it turns out you're actually excited abt the thought .. he just might take it up akfhf doesn't actually find it all that difficult and only ever realizes that actually you might be the one taking the hit when you openly start begging for him :( comes home to find u on the bed, teary eyed and overstimulated bc it's just been so long , and masturbation isn't all that exciting anymore ever since u have him . please ren, just drop it already. finds the look on ur face so amusing , you're so miffed as if it wasn't your idea in the first place ! quickly wipes the frown off your pretty features and replaces it with crossed eyes and lolled out tongue tho <3

6. reo - two and a half weeks ! ─── you make him do it <3 and the thought is far too thrilling for him to refuse. also...... he's a switch leaning sub anyway so :( does he even have any word in it? no not really. one look from u is all it takes to make him melt ! it drives you insane to see how he just gives a slight whine or a sigh in the mornings, hard cock straining against his boxers but he's such a good boy - of course he listens and doesn't touch himself <3 just gets up and goes on with his day , knowing better. has this haze over his mind and it shows by his glossy eyes or warm hands that start to roam around your body more frequently . you only ever let him drop it when he's nearly in tears ,, it just hurts !!!!! he cannot keep focus on practice or workouts anymore :( the ache in his tummy and boxers too overwhelming. wraps his arms around you from behind as you cook dinner for u two - sturdy chest pressing all against you, hands grabbing at your waist and there's a shaky breath by your ear. please, please i can't take this anymore. you're not that cruel, and end up praising him for being such a good boy for u for the past weeks <3

4. sae - three weeks ! ─── gets annoyed with the way you keep teasing him, even when he comes home from the longest day of practice ever, and thinks that it might actually be the perfect time to teach you a lesson ! tbh sae strikes me as a dom BUT with solid switch tendencies so !! he actually starts to regret his decision like a week and a half in lol. doesn't let it show at all though and keeps his cool,, knowing that it's exactly how to rile you up <3 giving you such humdrum looks it makes you week in the knees. it's until he sees you come out of the shower, a pretty little vibe in hand, cheeks flushed and eyes lidded when he realizes he might not have the upper hand anymore :( knows that he can keep control of his needs if he has to, but it just gets so fucking annoying, even more so when he knows he's the one that came up with it in the first place. is beyond thankful when u unexpectedly finally BEG HIM to just feel him,, and takes you right here in the moment. puts u in a mating press and fucks you silly only to flip you over and make you ride him as the prettiest little sound start to slip out. ngh- yeah, make m'cum, pretty girl. can't think straight no more. ( > ///////////// < ) cums embarrassingly fast like this as well ...... like just a minute or two of you riding him and grabbing at his shoulders or biceps and he's whining so loud. pretty baby is so flustered tho !!!

4. chigiri - three weeks ! ─── PLEASE he's such a tease ! takes up on the challenge when he hears the boys mention it and is kind enough to give you a heads up . is definitelyyyy one of the biggest menaces of them all tho with the way he riles u up so much. knows that the way he brings his hair up into a loose ponytail instantly makes u think of how he does it whenever he's about to eat you out - so he does it right in front of ur eyes, hairtie in his teeth and giving you a sly look ! makes plans with you so that you just have to go to practice with him first,, otherwise you won't make it on time - because he knows how much it turns you on to see him in the zone <3 thinks that he has it all in control until you crawl between his spread legs and give him the prettiest begging eyes, hands already palming at the sturdy muscle of his thighs, threatening to move higher - right where he now feels the dull ache and strain against his shorts. this is unfair, hyo. haven't i been good to you? isn't all that much of a hard dom,, but definitely makes you feel it how it wasn't worth spurring him on :((

3. aiku - three and a half weeks ! ─── same thing that happened with barou,, but this man has much better self control ! it gets him INSANELY hard and fucking insane to think of how you'll be dripping by the very end of this month , pleading him to finally fill you up. doesn't let you touch yourself either, though </3 so that's what it makes it even more fucked up ! he's the one to convince you to it - has to give a little push bc you're just so needy, the thought alone is enough to make your head spin - but knows that you're actually a lil excited yourself when he sees the glint in your eyes ! doesn't try to tease you all that much but pleaseeeeee have u seen this man .. he doesn't even need to try and he gets you SOAKING ! might just bust a nut himself everytime he thinks of how good it'll feel to finally have you once the month's finished. all of his plans go to waste when you end up watching a movie and smoking a blunt together tho ...... it's ridiculous how you're on top of him within SECONDS after the few first hits kjafhaskfh the weed makes you hazy too you end up going for hourssss on end :( in the morning you're smacking him in the head for even giving u the idea to smoke when you both know how horny u two get afterwards ,, maybe it was his unconscious horny self making the decision tho afhakhsaf

1. ryusei - the whole month ! ─── PLSSSS he's so deranged afafalasfa he LOVES edging the both of u. makes sure u know what's about to come days before november even starts lol and makes good use of it,, you don't even have the energy to think about fucking for the first few days of nov when he's railed u so good minutes before midnight hit 😭 is such a tease during the whole month ! would straight up edge you and bring you right up to your high, only to pull away at the very last second and leave you crying so pretty :( is mean about it, but knows it'll be worth it in the end ! looooves mutual masturbation - thinks that he just might fail when he sees u spread out in front of him, panting and moaning so sweetly, BUT ofc he doesn't let neither of you come . scares you with the way he grabs you so rough and fucks you on the literal floor as soon as the date changes to december :0 pls he's so funny i can see him checking the clock both before it starts & ends gives you the absolute best fuck you've ever had your whole life ,, you need to call in sick the next day bc your cervix is so bruised and gives you cramps :(

1. kaiser - the whole month ! ─── does it just to prove a point. you're a brat to him anyway,, so he's sure you can take matters into your own hands for just a month! (it's not like he absolutely adores the iittle attitude of yours and is the one that always spurs you on even further! definitely not ! </3) considering the world cup is coming soon, he's away most of the days anyways, but usually he'd take care of you as soon as he comes back .. this time he only gives you a good night kiss and pulls you close :( no action whatsoever ! as if you didn't exist to him in any sexual form. also doesn't let you touch him even once either - he despises any distractions after all! it makes you want to cry with desperation cause your own touch just isn't enough - it's a whole other experience to have him manhandling u around and making u do the work to please him ! he takes you to the world cup with him as well,, since he doesn't want u to be lonely ((and actually wants u there with him </3)) so you're extremely fucked . seeing him absolutely trashed and exhausted after a match ?? watching from the first row stands as he absolutely demolishes the field ?? he couldn't get any hotter than he is during the games and u know it :( you end up nearly crying when he finally allows you to touch him , thank him thru the tears and he makes you come in like mere minutes :( won't ever admit that this is the hardest he's ever been lmaoo

© itoshi-s. do not plagiarize, repost as your own or mention on other sm platforms.

[sissylittlefeather]

Heartbreaker

A/N: I'm frantically working on the kinktober ficlets, but I had to take a break and write something I could publish 😂. I've had this idea to write something based on the song Heartbreaker for a while and finally decided to write it. Thanks to @ccab and @atleastpleasetelephone for encouraging me with this one. This is an AU set in 1984 where Elvis is a lifeguard at a public pool. Think Billy from Stranger Things, but it's Elvis...

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, cussing, kissing, fingering, oral sex (both receiving), p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, ejaculation

Word count: ~3.2k

It's 1984, 4 days after your 36th birthday. You look through your sunglasses for your kids in the public pool. Jennifer, your 12 year old daughter, is sitting on the edge of the pool with friends, talking and laughing. You remember what it was like to be young and innocent and hopeful. Now you're here, married to a man who gives you a stable living but doesn't go out of his way to do much more, with two kids who keep you so busy you haven't been able to start the career you had planned when you got married right out of college. Your 10 year old son, Brian, runs up to you and yanks the headphone from your Walkman out of your ear.

"Mom, can I get a popsicle?"

"Sure, bud. Here." You dig a dollar out of your bag and hand it to him and he bounds off with his friends. He's a little wild and it exhausts you more than you care to admit. Rearranging your headphones, you settle back against the beach chair and close your eyes as the music bumps in your ears. It's your favorite song: Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar. You have a hard time not singing along, so your toes bounce to the beat.

From across the pool, Elvis sees you spread out on your beach towel in your hot pink and turquoise one piece. He notices your feet moving as you mouth words to whatever song is playing in your headphones. His eyes drift up and down your body. You're older than he is, he can tell, but it can't be by much, not with the way your figure looks in a swimsuit. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and decides to make you his next conquest.

You're finally resting peacefully when your friend Carol grabs your shoulder and shakes you. You open your eyes and move your headphones reluctantly.

"What?"

"He's coming over here!" She's somewhere between excitement and panic.

"Who? God, Carol calm down." She ignores you and squeals.

"The lifeguard! The new hot one!" You roll your eyes. She's told you about him before, but this is the first time you've been at the pool together since then.

"Why would he come over here? Seriously, Carol. Chill out. You sound like a teenager." You try to lay back again but she inhales sharply and shakes your shoulder again. She does seem to calm down suddenly, though, and you realize something is casting a shadow over you.

"Hi, Elvis!" Carol chirps. You watch as she plays with her hair and bats her eyelashes.

"Hi, Carol. Love those sunglasses." She almost melts right in front of you and you have to actively suppress your eye roll. "Who's your friend?"

He gestures towards you with his chin and then you make eye contact. It's only then that you notice how impossibly attractive he is. Your heart flutters a little against your will and you smile.

"I'm y/n."

"You mind?" He waves towards the end of your beach chair and you nod. As he sits down on the end of your chair, Carol looks between you and bristles with envy. He takes your hand and kisses the back of it softly. Your breathing picks up and you start to sweat a little. "I'm Elvis. Nice to meet ya."

"Y/n's son is the one you had to yell at about running a few times earlier." Carol says in an accusatory tone, like she's trying to get you in trouble. Elvis chuckles, but doesn't move his eyes from you.

"That little shit is yours?" You blush a bit and look down at your lap.

"Yeah, that little shit's mine."

"He your only one?" Carol realizes this conversation is going to continue without her and scoffs, leaning back in her own chair huffily.

"No, my daughter is around here somewhere too. She's twelve."

"No way. You're not old enough to have a 12 year old." He smiles and winks, rolling his chewing gum around in his mouth. You laugh and try to maintain eye contact.

"I assure you, I am." Your eyes roam over him as he chuckles. He's got his hair done like it's 1956 and it reminds you of your first crush. It seems out of place, but you're not complaining. His body is lithe and toned and he's got a tan from working at the pool.

"Hey, I wanna show you something. Come with me." He stands up suddenly and offers you his hand. You look at Carol, who huffs again and pretends to be very interested in her book. Deciding you don't have anything to lose, you take his hand and stand up, sliding your sandals on.

"Don't you have to be up on the chair?"

"Not for another ten minutes. I'm on my break." He leads you into one of the saunas, spitting his gum in a trash can, and closes the door. You look around and before you know it, he's grabbed you and pressed his lips against yours in a passionate kiss. You pull back quickly.

"Woah. What are you doing?!"

"Uh, I'm kissin' you." He looks down at you, surprised by your hesitation.

"I have a husband. I can't do this."

"Yeah? He's good to you?" He raises his eyebrows. It's like he can sense you haven't been fucked in six months.

"I mean... no... but... that doesn't matter!" He brushes a stray hair out of your face.

"Doesn't it?" He leans in and kisses your cheek gently and you moan softly, trying desperately to stand your ground.

"Elvis... I'm... how old are you anyway?" He leans back and sighs.

"That really doesn't matter." You pull away from him and make like you're going to leave. He grabs you and wraps you back in his arms. "I'm 22. Plenty old enough to know that I want you."

You look up at him, spellbound for a bit and then shake your head.

"Elvis-"

"What if you didn't think about all the reasons you can't do this?" He puts his hands together behind your back and pulls you in closer. Without thinking, you snake your arms up around his neck.

"I can't do this right now... my kids..." He leans in and presses his forehead to yours.

"You ever seen the pool at night?"

"At night?"

"It's a full moon. Meet me here at 10 tonight. We'll see where the moonlight takes us." An alarm on his digital watch goes off and he pulls away. "I gotta be back in the chair. Say you'll meet me."

You nod and he kisses your forehead. He squeezes you one last time and then heads out of the sauna, holding the door for you to walk out in front of him. You make your way back to your chair and Carol ignores you. He winks as he gets to the ladder and then climbs up into his spot, spreading his legs wide. Your eyes drift to his thighs in those little red shorts and there's a tingle between your legs that you haven't felt in years. You want to say you have no intention of meeting him tonight, but the wetness under your swimsuit says otherwise.

******

At 9:47 you stand and look at yourself in the mirror. You have on your best dress, your hair teased and hair sprayed perfectly, your bright eyeshadow making your eyes pop.

"Where you going?" Your husband asks sleepily from his place in your bed.

"Oh, nowhere. Just out with the girls."

"Okay. Have fun. Just don't be out too late. I need you up in time to make my lunch tomorrow." Your heart hardens as you think about all the things you've done for him over the years without so much as a "thank you".

"Eddie?" You walk over to his side of the bed and try to sit on his lap. He moves away from you uncomfortably.

"What?" He stares at you blankly.

"You want to make love before I go? I could be late. Or just stay home. I have on some sexy underwear-"

"Y/n, I'm tired. And sexy underwear is only sexy on a sexy person. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but let's be honest. You're 36. The sexy ship has sailed." He pats your bottom and then picks up a book from his nightstand.

You swallow the lump in your throat and head for the door, no longer feeling guilty for what you're about to do.

******

Elvis shifts nervously and checks his watch again.

10:13pm.

He starts to wonder if you're really not coming and rearranges his jacket anxiously. Another deep sigh later and he's ready to give up. As he starts to walk back to his 1958 Cadillac, he sees a car pull up. You park and jump out, jogging towards him quickly, your heels clicking on the pavement.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" His whole face relaxes into a smile.

"Not a problem, honey. I'm just glad you're here." When you get to him, he throws his arm around your waist and pulls you in close, kissing your temple. He steps back and looks at you. "Whew. You really are a babe."

You blush and swallow the lump in your throat again as he shakes his head and clicks his tongue. You want to argue with him, but he doesn't give you a chance. He pulls you towards the pool entrance swiftly. At the gate, he looks around to make sure no one is watching and then opens it with his key.

"Are we not supposed to be here?" You whisper. Against your better judgment, the illicit nature of this whole endeavor turns you on.

"No, it's fine. I have a key." The gate swings open and he stands there with a cocky grin. "Come on."

He takes you to the edge of the pool. It glistens under the fat silver moon and he comes up behind you, sliding his arms around your waist.

"Pretty, huh?" He whispers in your ear, pressing his lips to your neck.

"Yeah. It is." You whimper.

"You might be the only thing prettier than this." He kisses the side of your neck again and you can't control it anymore. A sob surges up out of you and tears start to slide down your cheeks. He realizes you're crying and turns you to face him.

"Baby, you're cryin'! What's wrong?"

"N-nothin'." You try to suck it up and hiccup instead.

"Doll. You're clearly upset. Tell me what's goin' on." You look up at him with your face shiny with tears.

"You can stop pretending to be attracted to me. I don't know what your goal is here, but I know I'm not sexy. Not anymore." He rolls his eyes dramatically and wipes the tears from your face with his thumbs.

"Now, you just stop it. You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen. In fact, I'm havin' a hard time not rippin' this dress off of you right now."

"Really?" He smiles.

"Really. You gonna let me kiss ya now?"

"If that's what you want."

"If that's what... honey. Okay." He pulls you in close to him and presses his hips against yours so you can feel his erection. You erupt in a cascade of giggles. He smiles, glad to see you happy again, and then pulls you into a kiss.

This time you don't stop him.

"You're a beautiful woman, y/n." He kisses down your jaw to your neck and presses his lips to the soft skin there over and over again. "And so sexy."

"I'm not too old?" You moan softly.

"Not at all, baby. Women are like wine. You just get better with age." You smile as he continues kissing your collarbone. "And I'd love a taste..."

That's all it takes for you to start frantically clawing at his clothes, your tongue shoved into his mouth. He doesn't protest at all, in fact he helps you undress himself until he's down to just his slacks. Your hand goes to his belt and he stops you.

"Now hold on a minute. This is a two-way street. I'm not just gonna stand here ass naked with you fully clothed." He says it a few words at a time between kisses.

"Well, then leave your underwear on." He pulls back and grins that stupid lopsided grin that makes you weak.

"Not wearin' any." A blush rises in your cheeks, adding to the pink you put there earlier with a makeup brush. "My turn."

His hand finds the zipper on the back of your dress and he pulls it down, letting it fall to your feet. He looks at you standing there in just your underwear and heels and whistles.

"Goddamn, baby, you look like a fuckin' pinup. What I would do to have my camera right now." Your confidence is growing by the second, so you pose for him. He pretends to be snapping photos of you as you move from pose to pose for a bit. When you turn away from him and bend over a little, though, he groans. "Fuuuck. That's enough of that."

He pretends to throw the camera and then pulls you over to him, kissing you deeply as he takes your ass in both hands and squeezes. His hands move up your back and unhook your bra easily. He slides it off and tosses it, leaning in to pull one of your nipples into his mouth. You forget to be self-conscious as he continues his worship of your chest, licking and sucking and nibbling as you moan softly. He moves down your body, sliding your panties down over your thighs and then removing your shoes with them. His dick twitches when he sees your pretty little polished toes.

Once he's got you naked, he pushes your legs apart and dives into your pussy tongue first, licking up your slit before pushing the tip of it into you. Your hands immediately go to his hair and you throw your head back. No one has touched you like this in over a decade.

"Oh, God, Elvis, fuck!" You've completely forgotten that you're outdoors as you moan loudly while he licks and sucks your clit. He slides one of his long fingers up inside you and looks up at you.

"I was right."

"What?"

"You taste fantastic." He goes back to licking you as he finger-fucks you and you bite your lip to keep from screaming. You haven't had an orgasm that wasn't self-made in so long you forgot what it feels like. When it hits you, you're physically incapable of holding back as your legs shake and the pleasure runs through you like electric warmth. He tongues you through it, gracefully ignoring the force with which you hold his hair and grind into his face.

Finally, he pulls back and wipes his face with his hand as he drops his pants and kicks off his loafers. When you see his erect cock bounce free, your mouth starts to water and you do something you never thought you'd do again. You drop to your knees and pull him into your mouth, working him quickly with your hand and your tongue at the same time.

"Fucking shit, baby." He groans as he takes a handful of your hair and starts to guide your movements on him. You open your throat and push him as far as he'll go, almost making it to the hair at the base of him. You gag a little and pull back.

"Sorry, I haven't done this in a long-"

"Shhh. C'mere." He moves over to a beach chair and fixes the angle of it to be what he wants. Then he puts you on the chair so that you're holding onto the back of it faced away from him.

"Something tells me you've done this before." You say with your eyebrows raised. He strokes his cock and smiles.

"I've been a lifeguard for six years. What do you think?" His arrogance should be annoying, but really it just turns you on. He arranges himself behind you and lifts one knee to give himself more leverage. You feel him tease your clit with his tip as he gets it wet with your arousal. Then, he lines himself up with your entrance and starts to push into you.

He holds your hips and moves slowly, giving you time to adjust to the size of him. You whimper as he enters you, inch by tantalizing inch. When he gets to the last bit, it's like he can't stand it anymore and he slams into you, making you see stars as he rams into your g-spot.

"That good baby? You like my cock inside you?" All you can do is nod and whimper and he takes that as permission, pulling back and fucking into you harder with each thrust. He pounds you relentlessly, grunting with the sensation of you so tight and wet around him. "Fuck, that's good."

You hear him mumble as he slams into you over and over again. He moves your hair out of the way and then pulls you back against him, kissing the back of your neck and shoulder. He whispers into your ear.

"So pretty when I fuck you. You're so sexy, baby." You let out a soft moan and he holds you there tight against him as he continues to slide his cock in and out of you. "Gonna cum, baby, where you want it?"

"On my ass." You don't know where that comes from. You've never said anything so dirty in your entire life. But he groans with pleasure at the thought of it and then reaches forward to collapse the beach chair. Without thinking, you lean all the way over and rest your head on your forearms. The change in angle brings on another orgasm for you and you whine and grit your teeth as you cum hard on his dick while he pounds you. He feels your walls pulsing around him and pulls out just in time.

"Fuck, yeah... baby..." He moans as he pumps his dick and shoots his hot release all over your ass. When he's finished, he falls back on his heels trying to catch his breath. He grabs his shirt and uses it to clean you up. You turn in the chair and he lays next to you, pulling you into his chest.

"I don't know who told you that you're not sexy, but they're a damn liar."

"My husband..."

"You deserve so much better." He lifts your fingers to his lips and kisses each one gently.

"Oh, yeah, you gonna step-parent my kids?" You ask, your voice tinged with derision.

"No. I'm just sayin' you could do better. You should do better." You look up into his face and meet his blue eyes. He's not suggesting he's the man for the job, but he might not be wrong. "Until then, I'm here for this whenever you need it."

He kisses your forehead and holds you tight against him and you think of the words to your favorite song.

"You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy..."

"What was that, baby?"

"Nothing, just lyrics to a song."

You look up at the stars and wonder how long you can stay here naked and wrapped in his arms. Not long enough.

******

The End

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @tacozebra051 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @rjmartin11 @from-memphis-with-love @deltafalax @atleastpleasetelephone @cinnamoroll-things @burnthheparaphilia @jhoneybees @cattcb @everythingelvispresley @returntopresley @searchingforgravity

[pr3ttymurder]

God I’m so obsessed with Harvey.. I haven’t written a fic in like a year and I don’t think I’ve ever written smut, please excuse how terrible this is about to be. Takes place during the 10 heart event. Sorry if I still write like a 12 year old wattpad kid. Images not mine

18+ nsfw below the cut TW: Oral both m and f receiving, cringe, fingering, dirty talk slightly, reader is described as wearing a dress and having a vagina.

It had been about six months since you moved into the valley. Usually you had a hard time making friends but you had quickly integrated into life in Pelican Town. You had even managed to woo the town doctor. This morning you woke to a letter from your boyfriend asking you to meet him at the railroad tracks south of town.

As you approached the tracks he told you that you were just in time as a hot air balloon landed next to you. The portly little man who stepped out of the balloon told you that you had two hours and that he would be at the saloon. You wondered if it was hard to pilot a hot air balloon while drunk. You brushed off the thought as Harvey lead you into the balloon, “I thought you were afraid of heights?” You asked worried for your sweet boyfriend.

“I am yeah… but I’m determined not to let that stop me from doing what I want. I’ll try not to be scared.” As soon as the balloon started to lift he was right next to you, his head crooked into your neck. His beard and hair tickled your face and neck, you could smell coffee and cologne on him. He smelled like the forest sandalwood and wildflowers. The setting sun glowed on his skin the orange light bouncing off of his green eyes. “It really is beautiful up here, you can see the whole town. Everyone looks like little ants busily scurrying about their business,” he said. “I can see the farm, it still looks so overgrown. It’s been really difficult cleaning it up,” you sighed. He grabbed your hand, you could feel him shaking as he tried to suppress his fears. “Things take time, my love. Rome wasn’t build in a day.” Harvey chuckled.

You looked up at him, admiring his face… honestly you really wanted to sit on it. “Honey… could I maybe help with your nerves?” You asked, pecking him lightly on the lips feeling the tickle of his neatly trimmed mustache. “How would you like to do that, Darling?” He flushed. “Do you want me to show you? It’ll certainly take your mind off of things,” You teased. His adam’s apple bobbed as he nodded his okay. You kissed him once again, your hand behind his head pulling him in deeper and playing in his soft hair. He groaned into your mouth, you could feel the anticipation in the air. Slowly you started to kiss down his jaw, his neck down his body taking your time to get to where he really wanted you.

You pressed kisses down his stomach, his thighs and over his still clothed erection. You unbuttoned and unzipped his pants pulling them down with his boxers allowing his shaft to spring to life. He looked down at you, eyes half lidded and full of desire. Slowly you stroked him feeling him flinch at the touch of your hand. You could tell he was trying to keep quiet, his teeth bit his lip till it bled. You took him in your mouth slowly bobbing your head, he became undone mewling your name. “Holy Yoba… fuck- darling.” He panted. What you couldn’t take in your mouth you pumped with your hand, wanting to make him feel the best you could. As you kept up your relentless pace his sounds became louder. He started to shake, “baby I’m gonna- cu” He was cut off by his sharp intake of breath as the warm fluids filled your mouth and trickled down your chin. You swallowed but before you could clean yourself up Harvey pulled you up to kiss him. His fluids were still on your face, he could taste himself on you and his mustache became damp.

“I don’t think it would be fair if I was the only one to cum tonight…” He growled, pushing you to the floor. Your dress you picked to impress him splayed up revealing your lace underwear. There was a damp patch where your desire pooled. Harvey’s fingers looped under his fingers scraping your skin stoking the fire that burned within your belly. You whined, “please, please touch me.” He leans to kiss you again, trailing down your neck, kissing over your clothed nipples. His fingers draw circles on your thigh intentionally torturing you.

Harvey ran his finger down the slit of your entrance, kissing your jaw and smiling into your skin when you flinched at his touch. His mouth found its way to your clit where he nipped and sucked causing you to buck your hips up to his face. He licked first in small focused circles around your aching clit and then in long flat strips down your entire vulva. You moaned and screamed his name out to the heavens, certain the whole town could hear who you belonged to. “Hush baby, you wouldn’t want the whole town to know how I’ve ruined you. Or would you? Is that what you want for everyone to know who can make you feel this way?” He teased. Harvey’s middle finger entered you making wet noises as he thrusted it into you at a slow pace. His mouth connected to your clit again, as he entered another finger. You felt the knot in your stomach tighten as he kept a ruthless pace. You felt the pleasure coming in waves through your whole body. Your legs began to shake as he held it with his strong arms face still deep in you like a starving man. Your vision blurred as you reached your climax, your release thundered through your body and he kept his pace as you rode it out.

After you both hand finished you helped each other back into your clothes trying to make it look like nothing had happened. Harvey glanced at his watch, “Oh Yoba, we’re thirty minutes late. How do we get down?”

[sinner-sunflower]

P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 22/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 23, PART 24, PART 25, PART 26

I totally forgot to post this yesterday alksjdlksajkl

It's literally in my drafts but the day was too busy I honestly forgot. So here's a treat!

Also, I know there's a lot of mystery and questions of what's going on but I never planned to fully stay on the POVs of those in Heaven. I just wanted to give you guys a glimpse but I didn't want to tell it all.

You are all as clueless as Luci. Just as I intended hehe

------------------------------------------

Lucifer feels cursed. He can sense it. Even without Roo, he's certain that all this misfortune is deliberate. Given everything that has happened in the past few months, he didn't think it could get any worse.

He should've known not to jinx it.

Everyone jumped up, alarmed by the cannibal demon's frantic cries for help.

Outside, they were met with a chaotic battle as sinners and Hellborns fought against the supposedly dead angels. Both side have bodies that lay lifeless on the ground amidst the pandemonium.

Lucifer: What the fuck is going on?!

Cannibal Demon: We were piling the bodies up in the Embassy for burning, as you instructed, Your Majesty. But then—a body suddenly sprang back to life and attacked one of our workers! The next moment, we were all being attacked by the other bodies! They don't seem conscious, sire. They were snarling like rabid animals.

At that moment, an angel turned in their direction and charged straight at Lucifer. He extended his hand, and the angel burst into flames, collapsing to the ground and writhing in pain until it died.

Charlie, the hotel residents, and the other Overlords sprang into action, fighting to kill as many angels as they could.

Lucifer saw what the cannibal demon was talking about. The angels didn't seem truly alive. Instead, they screamed and attacked blindly, targeting anything in their path. Their forms were as mangled as the one that had fallen before him.

Then an angel was tossed at his feet. It twitched but the body was too destroyed to attack again. It looked up at him with blank eyes, black liquid streaming down its face like tears. The angel reached a hand towards him and tried to speak.

Heaven Angel: K-k-ki- me. P-ease

Lucifer was too petrified with shock to even register what the angel was trying to say. Was it begging him to kill it?

The angel gasped and attempted to crawl closer until an axe buried itself in its head, instantly killing it. Lucifer looked up to see Adam standing there.

He wondered when Adam had arrived.

Adam: Dude! Snap out of it! The fuck are you doin'?? And what the shit is happening?

But Lucifer couldn't answer. He just stared at the first man blankly.

Lucifer: I thought you were at the palace?

Adam: Seriously?! Gah!

Adam swung his axe again, killing an angel that had gotten too close.

Adam: One of these fuckers got in and I'd rather not die in your stupid house!

Another swing, another fallen angel.

Lucifer: They're angels....

He saw Adam's gaze harden but he does not falter one bit.

Adam: Are you just gonna stand there and stare or are you gonna do something?!

Lucifer snapped out of his daze, the reality of the situation sinking in. He looked around, seeing the chaos unfold as his allies fought for their lives. Taking a deep breath, he summoned his strength and stepped forward.

Lucifer: Let's end this madness.

He extended his hand, conjuring flames to incinerate the embassy, illuminating Pride like a giant flaming beacon.

Lucifer: Toss them all into the fire!

Lucifer's voice boomed across the city, echoing with authority. Soon enough, angels were screaming as they were engulfed in flames.

He took to the sky, setting fire to every zom-angel he could see. Reminding himself that they were no longer their normal selves, he saw this as an act of mercy.

Lucifer flew higher, his eyes scanning the chaos below. He could see Charlie, the hotel residents, and the Overlords fighting fiercely, holding their ground against the onslaught. Each flame he conjured was a prayer for the end of this madness.

As he incinerated bodies left and right, a troubling thought gnawed at him: Was this still Roo's doing? The state of these angels bore a striking resemblance to the infected creatures he had encountered in Sloth.

Roo: Not me, fallen. Looks like someone upstairs messed with something they shouldn't have. How thrilling~

The voice startled Lucifer.

Lucifer: What are you talking about?!

Roo: Hell's not the only one harboring a dark entity.

He cursed her silently but the Root of All Evil just laughed.

Roo: Corruption is such a wonderful thing.

The battle continued, and it didn't take long for them to rid the area of the reanimated corpses. However, the toll was immense. Everyone was on the verge of collapsing. The relentless series of events in the past hour had drained their remaining strength. If Heaven were to attack now, they would be fighting for their very lives.

Lucifer landed, breathing heavily, his mind racing. The angels’ corrupted state pointed to something far more sinister than he initially thought. If Roo was telling the truth, then Heaven itself was compromised.

Charlie: Dad!

Lucifer: Char-char, you guys okay?

Charlie: We're all fine.

Adam: Speak for yourself, girlie.

Charlie was only slightly surprised by Adam's appearance but didn't question him.

Lucifer: Are we sure that's the last of them?

Charlie: Alastor has his shadows canvassing the city right now.

Lucifer looked around at the carnage, wondering how much more they could handle. Before he could think further, Adam spoke up again.

Adam: I know those angels.

Lucifer: What?

Adam: Most of these are my girls.

There was a hint of sadness in his voice. Despite being a misogynist douche, Lucifer realized Adam genuinely cared for the angels in his army.

Lucifer: Exorcists?

Adam: Yeah... shit, what the fuck is going on up there? Why did they turn into these things?

Lucifer had no answer, so he remained silent.

They see something twinkle in the sky, followed by a beam of light. Lucifer quickly raised his hand to create a barrier just in time to deflect the blast. Even he struggled against Michael's powerful weapon. Multiple blasts rained down, but they were erratic, not aimed directly at Hell.

Something in the distance was getting closer and closer, dodging left as another blast exploded nearby.

Was Michael aiming for that?

They couldn't tell what it was until it drew nearer. It was an angel, struggling against another as they plummeted. Soon, more angels came into view. A particularly strong blast from Michael shattered Lucifer's barrier, and they could only watch as more angels fell into Hell.

The war had arrived.

And there was nothing they could do to stop it.

Roo: Play time~

Lucifer should've known not to jinx it.

[all-risejd]

A New Judgement Chapter 13: Braiding Challah and Some Morning Snuggles (Poly Judgment Day Fic)

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.  Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8. Part 9. Part 10. Part 11. Part 12. Part 12.5.

Warnings: Smut below, not too graphic but there are hand necklaces and biting involved as well as talk of the loss of a loved one.

Nessa pulls up to Rhea's house after finally getting the groceries she promised. She turns off the car and sits there a moment trying to process what happened in the last hour or so. Nessa bites her lip deciding to not bring up the weird coffee shop experience and sends a message to the group text calling everyone out to help her bring in the groceries. One by one they all jog out of the house. Damien is out first and goes to hug Nessa, the rest of them surrounding her, hugging her in relief.

“We were so worried Nessa, we couldn’t get a hold of you and thought something happened.” Damian is the first to speak.

“I’m sorry,” Nessa says her voice muffled by Damian's chest and she wiggles trying to get some space and air. Everyone thankfully notices and takes a step back still surrounding Nessa.

“I’m so sorry guys, a storm came out of nowhere and I couldn’t see to safely drive so I parked and ran into the nearest building which was a coffee shop and there was like no service for some reason and I waited out the storm and then I forgot where I parked for a bit.” Nessa blushes, embarrassed at the admission.

“Then please next time ask someone to use their phone or even the business phone to just let us know you are ok and what is going on. Like Luis said we were worried sick!” Rhea gently pushes Nessa on her shoulder, the rest of them making sounds of agreement.

“Ok, I will I promise.” Nessa holds her hands up in surrender before gesturing towards the car.

“Can you guys please help me get the groceries in before they spoil? There is cold stuff in there and I want to get to starting dinner.” Damian kisses Nessa's forehead and hugs her one more time and Nessa can feel that he is relieved she is safe and can see the tension still in his body, in all their bodies they were so worried for her and she fills with guilt. Rhea grabs Nessa’s hand to stop her from going to help the boys carry in the groceries. Nessa looks at Rhea who shakes her head and kisses Nessa’s hand.

“Let them carry it in, I need some Nessa time. You promised to let me help you cook so let's go set up the kitchen while they bring everything in.” Rhea asks and Nessa nods and heads into the house pulling Nessa with her. The boys following behind grumbling.

“Hey, I thought you only went to the store for a few things,” Dominik complains loudly. Nessa looks over her shoulder as Rhea still continues to pull her along.

“We are here for a few days so I got a few day's worth of food for 3 grown ass men one of which doesn’t eat carbs, one that eats super healthy and constantly to keep up with his workouts, and you know how you eat; so I planned for those few days so everyone's dietary needs are met,” Nessa answers back yelping as Rhea pulls a little too hard on her arm bringing her through the doorway. Rhea looks guilty at hearing Nessa yelp.

“I’m sorry Bunny, I didn't mean to pull that hard!” Rhea apologizes and releases Nessa’s arm.

“It’s fine Dems, I know you didn’t mean to.” Nessa accepts the apology immediately and grabs Rhea's hand again and together they walk to the kitchen and the boys set all the bags on the counter. They all turn to walk away and Rhea clears her throat.

“Can you help us put this stuff up while we get started?” Rhea cocks her head and the boys grumble but they do as asked while Nessa sets aside the ingredients she needs.

“Ok, thank you.” Nessa grabs Dominik's hand and pulls him into a hug before placing a kiss on his lips and doing the same for Damian.

“Come here Luv?” Finn holds out his arms and Nessa steps into them wrapping her own around his waist. He tightens his arms around her, pulling her closer and whispering in her ear. “We are glad you are ok. I am glad you are ok,” He pats the back of her head before breaking the hold he has on her.

“Thank you Finny, If you guys are ok with it can you leave me alone with Dems for a while? I’ll bring you plates when it is done.” Nessa asks and informs them.

“No Nes call us we will get our own plates, you are cooking for all of us the least we can do is get our own plates.” Dominik shakes his head and the others make noises of agreement.

Nessa starts waving them away, “Fine but get out of my kitchen,” she continues to shoo them, not noticing the smile they were sharing with each other. Nessa waits until the boys are clear out of the kitchen before turning to Rhea.

“Ok, Dems start the oven then zest and juice the orange and then soak the raisins in the orange juice, I’ll start the noodles.” Nessa gently instructs as she starts to make the dough for Challah and sets it on top of the stove to proof while the Kugel bakes. Nessa grabs a few Lunchables from the fridge that she bought and sits down on the floor leaning against the counters facing the oven and pats the ground next to her for Rhea to join her.

“Come on Mami, we have about an hour or so before we braid the Challah and put it in when the Kugel is out. We will put the Kugel in the warmer while the bread bakes. I’ll have you braid it.” Nessa smiles and offers a Lunchable to Rhea who returns the smile and joins her on the floor grabbing the Lunchable.

“When we lose someone we love or anyone in general we say to each other and to family may their memory be for a blessing. We sit low on cushions or on the ground to signify how low our grief takes us and we eat stuff like cheese and fruit and talk about the memory of the one we lost. For immediate family we are supposed to stay home for a week after the funeral.” Nessa explains grabbing Rhea's hand and leaning her head on Rhea's shoulder. Nessa feels Rhea's body start to shake in silent sobs and Nessa runs her other hand up and down Rhea's arm in a calming gesture just letting her cry. After a few minutes, Rhea calms down and sniffles, laying her head on top of Nessa’s. “Tell me more about your Nonna sweetheart,” Nessa asks, squeezing Rhea's hand gently which Rhea returns by lifting their hands to her mouth and placing a kiss on the back of Nessa’s hand.

“She… She… She used to let me help her in the kitchen. Especially after I had a rough day with my self-worth and mean comments. Much like this actually.” Rhea starts off weak, her voice getting stronger.

“I’m glad I could do something to keep her memory alive. Tell me more if you would like?” Nessa prompts.

“How about we both share memories of people we lost… please,” Rhea asks and Nessa nods Rhea's head still laying on hers.

“Ok, when I lost my brother in January I was gutted. I went no contact because he couldn’t stay clean from drugs and was stealing from Mom. But I loved him, that was my brother and I had to mourn what we could have had as well as the life that was lost. When I was 16 he tried to sneak me out to a seedy tattoo place for us to get matching tattoos. We got busted and mom got so mad.” Nessa smiles at the memory, wiping away the stray tear that slid down her cheek.

“How old was he?” Rhea asked, picking her head back up and taking a good look at Nessa.

“24, so he knew bette,r” Nessa chuckles and meets Rhea's gaze. Nessa gently wipes away the tears on Rhea's face.

“My Nonna wasn’t surprised when I came home with my first tattoo and she actually was supportive of me getting it and calmed my parents down…” Rhea lets out a little giggle at the memory, resting her forehead on Nessa’s. Rhea closes her eyes like watching another memory and Nessa grabs her hand again.

“I remember my first year in NXT. She surprised me on my birthday by sending me a care box of my favorite sweets from home. She was always so thoughtful and I am going to spend the rest of my life missing her.” More tears fall down Rhea's face. Nessa moves to pull Rhea down and rests Rhea's head on her shoulder and wraps her arms around her.

“I know, sweet girl, but her memory lives on in you. Every time you breathe, think of her, in the inspiration you are for others like she was to you. She is still alive in that memory. It is up to those they leave behind to keep the memories alive and you do that with everything you do. I don’t know her but I do know how proud she must be of you for achieving your dreams and inspiring others to be themselves.” Nessa kisses the top of Rhea's head mirroring the comfort the woman in her arms has given her. Rhea sniffles and shuffles deeper into Nessa’s arms.

“This…this helps, thank you, Nessa,” Rhea scoots down in Nessa’s arms to rest her head on Nessa’s lap. Nessa runs her fingers through Rhea's hair, gently scratching her scalp. They stay like that for the rest of the hour trading stories of their lost loved ones until the timer goes off.

“Ok sweets let's get up and I’ll show you how to braid the Challah after I put the Kugel in the warmer to keep it ready.” Nessa gently slides Rhea's head off her lap, laughing when Rhea lets it thunk on the ground.

“Everything ok in there?” Comes Damiens worried voice.

“Yeah all good, Rhea decided to test the hardness of the floor with her head.” Nessa answers back while getting up, laughter coming from the living room as she helps Rhea up. Rhea gently grabs Nessa, both hands on either cheek and kisses her lips tenderly, and pecks her nose before letting her go. Blood rushes to Nessa’s face with affection.

“Are we going to talk after dinner Bunny?” Rhea asks softly as Nessa takes the dish out of the oven and puts it in the warming drawer. Nessa turns around still blushing and goes to stand next to Rhea at the counter.

“Yeah, I suppose it is time to give you all my decision. It is unfair to you all to not have an answer, especially because I’m the reason y'all haven’t had sex for what over a week?” Nessa shrugs, feeling guilty and embarrassed. Rhea shakes her head and just pulls Nessa towards her trapping her between the counter and herself. Nessa’s back against Rhea’s chest and Rhea leans down to whisper in her ear.

“That is not a problem and is not a bad thing or your fault Nes. Don’t give us an answer just because you feel bad or because you feel pressured for sex.” Rhea tells her seriously and squeezes her arms around Nessa’s waist.

“It's not because of that, I want to because…” Nessa stops when she hears Rhea take a sharp breath and nuzzle into her neck.

“I knew it.” Rhea quietly gloats, smiling into Nessa’s neck.

“Just keep it quiet till after dinner, there are still some things I need to discuss ok?” Nessa asks and Rhea nods and places a string of kisses on Nessa's neck making her breath catch in her throat. Nessa swallows a few times to gather herself and clears her throat. “Ok so let's get the Challah done, it'll take another hour and I’m getting hungry!” Nessa tries to move out of Rhea's arms only for Rhea to grunt, “Nuh uh”. Nessa sighs and shakes her head. “Menaces the lot of you…” Nessa can’t help but smile glad her back is to Rhea.

“So what do I do?” Rhea asks, reaching around Nessa. Nessa rolls her eyes and directs her on what to do, sometimes guiding her hands and helping as they cut and braid the Challah and add the egg wash. Rhea grabs the tray and turns around putting it in the oven, Nessa can’t help it, but she smacks Rhea's ass as she is bent over, a blush rushing to her face again as Rhea snaps back into a standing position and turns around her eyebrow raised. Rhea slowly steps towards Nessa who is already backed up against the counter. Rhea closes the gap between them and places her hands on either side of Nessa trapping her back against the counter.

“Now little girl, what was that?” Rhea’s voice drops and Nessa’s face gets even redder as she bites her lip.

“I mean it looked so inviting and delicious I couldn’t help myself…” Nessa squeaks out looking up at Rhea with wide eyes. Rhea smirks devilishly down at Nessa, grabbing her by the ass and lifting her onto the counter, Nessa instinctually wrapping her arms around Rhea's neck.

“I know you like rough play but you don’t know the game you are playing yet little girl. You don’t know how much I want you, how much we want you, and have come close to crossing that boundary. You’ve been such a good girl taking care of me and the boys this week,” Rhea gets even closer as she talks, her face close to Nessas, her voice sending shivers up Nessa’s spine.

Rhea scoots Nessa closer to the edge of the counter closer to her and Nessa wraps her legs around Rhea. Nessa leans closer and puts her lips to Rheas, feeling her soft lips move with hers, Nessa’s hand tangling in Rhea’s short hair making the woman moan and pull back.

“Oh no Bunny, if there is hair pulling I’ll be pulling yours.” Rhea rasps out knotting her hands in Nessa's hair and pulling her head back exposing her neck. Rhea wastes no time biting and sucking on Nessa’s neck, Nessa whimpers quickly becoming putty in Rhea’s hands.

There is a thunder of footsteps and Damian and Dominik run into the kitchen making Rhea separate from Nessa, a proud smirk on her face seeing the marks lining Nessa’s neck.

“Oh come on, that's not fair!” Dominik whines and Damian smirks and crosses his arms.

“What happened here Mariposa? I hear a thunk then all of a sudden you guys are making out?” Damian whines.

“She smacked my ass!” Rhea answers and Damian chuckles while Dom makes the oooh face.

“Yeah, that’ll do it.” Damian chuckles and walks over gently grabbing Nessa’s chin and gently moving her head to look at the marks on her neck.

“I'll have to add to this, it is unfair that Rhea gets all the fun.” Damian says, the promise heavy in his voice and Nessa takes a shaky breath looking up at him. Damian meets her gaze and leans down about to kiss Nessa only for Rhea to pull him back and Nessa pouts.

“You can kiss later, it's my time right now and we are cooking dinner, so like she said get out of my kitchen.” Rhea playfully shoves a pouty Damian out of the kitchen, Dominik laughing and following him out. Once she is sure the boys are gone and hopefully out of earshot Rhea steps back to where Nessa is still sitting on the counter and stands between her legs again, hands gently resting on Nessa’s hips. “Are you ok Bunny?” Rhea asks, studying Nessa’s expression trying to read any potential discomfort. Nessa blushes and nods her head, wrapping her arms around Rhea's neck again.

Remembering Rhea asks for verbal confirmation Nessa answers, “Yes... Can you kiss me again?” Nessa asks, rubbing her nose on Rhea’s. Rhea lets out a noise between a huff and a chuckle at how much more innocent Nessa seems, clearly, she is a little, more bits and pieces falling into place making sense. More gently this time Rhea slides her hand up Nessa’s side, continuing until it is on the back of her neck, and pulls her close, melding their lips together, Nessa’s lips parting slightly allowing Rhea to maintain dominance. Nessa’s hands gripping Rhea's shirt at her shoulders, feeling Rhea’s tongue on her own, Nessa’s heart pounding in her chest. Rhea breaks the kiss first, resting her forehead on Nessa’s, both of them taking shallow breaths, their chests heaving with the effort.

“I uh… I think we should stop there for now, Bunny.” Rhea nearly whispers, swallowing trying to put some control back in her voice. Nessa whines, batting her eyelashes at Rhea silently asking for more. “Nessa, you haven’t told the others and I am afraid we won't stop if we continue, so, we stop there for now. We have plenty of time to continue.” Rhea kisses Nessa’s forehead and takes a step back, helping Nessa off the counter.

“Ok I guess that is fair…” Nessa can’t help but pout as Rhea starts cleaning up the kitchen and Nessa does the same, almost glad to busy herself to distract from the throbbing between her thighs. They clean the kitchen together, moving in sync with each other, no feeling of awkwardness between them, instead, it is the sexual tension from earlier, their actions playing on repeat in Nessa’s mind. They are nearly done when the timer for the bread goes off.

“I’ll get it Bunny, you’ve done most of the work.” Rhea kisses the top of Nessa’s head and turns, getting the bread out of the oven.

“Let it sit for about 10 minutes and we can plate everything up. I have a salad with chicken in the fridge for Finn, just give him a little scoop of the Kugel so he can try it since it is high in carbs. There are some other food options if you guys don’t like it. Kugel isn’t for everyone…” Nessa shrugs shyly, nervous about how they will like the food.

Rhea shakes her head and goes over to Nessa pulling her close and resting her chin on top of Nessa’s head. “It smells delicious and I am sure we will all love it. You need to have more confidence in yourself and your abilities.” Rhea orders gently swaying them back and forth.

“How much longer, I’m starving!” Dominik whines from the other room.

“A few more minutes Dom Dom be patient. I’ll bring it out when it is ready.” Nessa answers back.

“You mean you’ll call us when it is ready.” Finn hollers back.

It makes Nessa roll her eyes, “Uh… yeah sure” Nessa responds, jumping away from Rhea who tickled her side. Nessa swats away Rhea’s hands and goes over to the oven and slices up the bread and pulls out the tray of Kugel, Rhea grabs the plates and utensils. Nessa plates up the food and sets it on the counter before calling out for everyone to come and get it.

The boys all run in and see plates already ready all with different things on them. Nessa grabs the first plate and hands it to Finn. “I know you eat a low or no-carb diet so I only gave you a little of the Kugel and bread and the rest is a healthy chicken salad.” She smiles shyly as Finn takes the plate with a grateful smile.

“That is so sweet of you to do that, you didn’t have to.” He steps forward and kisses her forehead surprised she went through the trouble to prepare them all separate plates for their dietary needs. He smiles and turns away as Nessa blushes and heads back to the living room.

Damian grabs the plate Nessa holds out to him and steps forward placing a gentle kiss on her lips. “Thank you Mariposa, you didn’t have to go through all the effort to make us all special plates we would have eaten whatever you made.” Damian gently strokes Nessa’s face for a moment before turning and joining Finn in the living room.

Dom smiles widely at Nessa and grabs the plate which was admittedly less healthy than his counterparts, playing on his sweet tooth though it was well portioned. “Thank you Mi Vida, I always love your cooking, you know that!” Dom steps forward and kisses Nessa much the same as Damian previously.

“I know that’s why I gave you a little more than the others, though not enough to wreck your diet, now go sit while Demi and I bring in our food.” Nessa shoos him away and smiles as he goes in for a second kiss before scurrying out the room avoiding Nessa swinging lovingly at him with the wooden spoon she picked up. Nessa shakes her head and sets it down, handing Rhea her plate and grabbing her own. Rhea follows Nessa and sits down on the floor in front of the couch where the boys are, Nessa in front of Damian's legs and Rhea in front of Dominiks.

“Why are you guys sitting down there, there is plenty of room on the chair or you can sit on our laps.” Damian offers wiggling his eyebrows.

“I think I am good down here guys, Nessa taught me this is a way to grieve and it kinda helps.” Rhea shrugs and takes a bite of the Kugel and closes her eyes letting out a moan, “You didn’t tell me it was going to be sweet.” Rhea takes another bite and does a little happy wiggle enjoying the taste of the food on her plate.

“This is really good Luv, thank you!” Finn takes another bite and smiles, the others making noises of agreement as they eat.

“This bread is delicious, you made this from scratch?” Damian asks, his mouth full and holding up a piece of the bread.

Nessa swallows her mouthful before answering and leans back on Damian's legs, laying her head back on his knees to look up at him upside down, “Yeah it is really easy and doesn’t have to proof for too long.” Nessa smiles up at Damian who uses his free hand to momentarily stroke Nessa’s cheek.

Damian notices that Nessa’s expression has changed to a look of worry. “What’s wrong Mariposa?” Damian strokes her cheek again.

Nessa’s eyes focus back and she picks her head back up and shakes it. “Nothing Luis, I just want to talk after dinner. There are some things I want to say to you all…” Nessa takes a nervous bite of her bread trying and failing to hide her shiver as Damian runs his fingers through her hair.

“There is no need to be nervous, Corazon, we accept your decision no matter what you say. Just eat Princesa, you’ve spent so much time cooking and taking care of us you need to eat now,” Dominik reassures her while trying to make sure she takes care of herself. She does as she is told, the rest of them eating their dinner in comfortable silence with the tv on for background noise. Once everyone is done eating, Nessa tries to get up to collect the dishes only for Damian to stop her by placing his hand on her shoulder before getting up and grabbing the plates, Dominik helping him. They come back in after a few minutes and join Nessa and Rhea on the floor, Finn doing the same, all of them sitting in a circle facing each other.

“The floor is yours Mariposa.” Damian smiles at his pun making the rest of the room groan. Nessa swallows nervously and taps on her knee.

“I … I have… I would like…” Nessa stutters her nerves making it impossible to say what she wants, the group looking at her patiently, Rhea reaching out to grab Nessa’s hand. Nessa pauses and takes a deep breath and tries again, “Uh… I want to be with you all, I… I’m all in.” Nessa says so quietly it is a whisper and they didn’t hear her. Trying to lean closer, Damian asks her to repeat what she said. “I’m in, I’m all in with you all with everything,” Nessa says a little louder, her face cherry red. Everyone sits back the way they were a moment ago, Finn looking happy, Dominik smiling from ear to ear and Damian looking smug.

“That is so good to hear Mariposa, are there any additional boundaries you wanted to discuss oh and we will need to have the kink discussion soon…” Damian claps then rubs his hands as Rhea pulls Nessa onto her lap. Nessa grabs Rhea’s hand for courage and plays with her fingers.

“If it would help I could, we could fill out a kink chart. And you can ask Dom, he knows a fair chunk of what I like and that could start that conversation.” Nessa offers to try and feel more comfortable with the conversation.

“And you mentioned you don’t know exactly what you need for aftercare. That is fine, we can figure it out together…” Damian promises with a smile, the rest nodding in agreement. Dominik scoots over and leans against Rhea and Nessa almost crying in relief that she is his again, that she is now properly theirs and he needs the physical contact. The others see this and converge all leaning or laying on one another as the conversation continues.

“It's not an additional boundary I want to discuss but more of an ask. I know for the last few weeks you all have not been able to be intimate with each other, at least where Rhea was concerned while we roomed together. I don't know what you did behind closed doors… Anyway if there is ever a time you want that with each other and I am not… I don’t want…” Nessa sighs trying to gather her train of thought before continuing, “If you want to have sex and I don’t want to please just let me know I won’t be upset and will give you the time you need…” Rhea's arms squeeze harder around Nessa’s waist, Dominik squeezes her thigh and Damian sighs in mock annoyance.

“It isn’t a problem the last two weeks Mariposa, you were, are learning us just as we are learning you. We aren’t going to ask you to leave just so we can have sex that isn’t fair to you, that is something we can figure out organically. So don’t go and feel bad about that.” Damian explains.

“Yeah, we aren't always having sex either, a lot of times it is just nice to relax and cuddle like this,” Finn adds on and for emphasis throws himself on Damian's lap. Nessa relaxes more and laughs at Finn's antics.

“So Mamita, since you have agreed to join us does that mean that sex is back on the table?” Damian halfway jokes wiggling his eyebrows and blood rushes to Nessa’s face remembering what happened the previous week. The group erupts in laughter, Nessa laughing along because the genuine happiness they are exuding is contagious. ____________________________________________________________________________

Nessa and Rhea are in the middle laying down on the couch cushions they pulled off the couch and laid it out so as to be enough pillows for all of them. Damian is lying next to Nessa, Dominik on Rhea's other side. Finn shimmies in between Nessa and Rhea forcing them apart and making Rhea spoon him and he flips Nessa over so he can spoon her, “Hold me asshats,” Finn grumbles and Damian scoots closer and throws his arm over the both of them his face close to hers. The two of them smiling softly at each other.

“Hi.” She mouths to him.

He smiles wider, answering back, just as silently, “Hi Hermosa,” he lays his head on his free arm using it as a pillow. Nessa reaches out grabbing Damian’s shirt to pull him closer and closes her eyes, getting more comfortable and falling asleep to the sounds of her various partners already snoring, Dominiks being the most pronounced.

The next morning Nessa wakes up under a pile of limbs feeling the most refreshed she has in a long time having actually slept through the night. She opens her eyes and cranes her neck seeing Finn’s beard that tickles her face she scrunches it up and tries to wiggle back only to back into Damian and making both men groan, Finn pulling her back to his chest and Damian practically rolling on top of them smooshing Nessa between them.

“It’s too early to be up, go back to sleep Mariposa…” Damian's deep voice still thick with sleep orders and Finn hums in agreement.

Rhea picks up her head and looks at the clock on the wall and groans plopping her head back down, “It’s 10 am we haven’t slept this late in a long time.” Rhea groans and squeezes Dom’s hand to make sure he wakes up too.

“So we have the week off, basically we can afford to sleep in.” Damian responds, his eyes still closed. Nessa wiggles trying to create some room but her breath catches feeling their hard cocks on either side of her. Finn realizes first and places a gentle kiss on Nessa’s head.

“Sorry Luv,” He apologizes before being the first to leave the cuddle pile. With Finn’s spot vacant Rhea reaches out and pulls Nessa to her chest Damian scoots along resuming their closeness, Rhea’s arm around Nessa’s waist. Damian pulls her head to his, their lips meeting sweetly in little pecks progressively getting more sensual, Nessa gently tugging on Damian's hair making him growl in response, and he pulls Nessa's leg over his hip so his erection is now pressing against her, her sleep shorts and his underwear the only barrier between them.

Rhea runs her hands up and down Nessa’s body biting and sucking more marks onto her neck and shoulder making her moan as Rhea slides her hand under Nessa’s shirt gently playing with her breasts and making Nessa moan into Damian's mouth, parting hers to give him entrance. His own hands roam her body, ending up on her ass and hiking her further onto his hip.

Dominik is kissing Rhea much the way Rhea is kissing Nessa and he pauses, “Mami can I have a taste, please” Dominik begs, wanting to feel his lips against any part of Nessa. Rhea hums against Nessa’s shoulders, biting down and leaving another mark making Nessa break the kiss with Damian to moan, throwing her head back onto Rhea.

“Bunny can Dominik have a turn kissing you, I think he has been a good boy,” Rhea asks, peppering kisses on Nessa's soft plump lips. Nessa nods and Rhea scoots back allowing Dominik to climb over her, Nessa rolling over to face Dominik, Damian taking the opportunity to slide off Nessa’s shirt and kiss up her back as Dominik captures Nessa's lips, his shaky hand raising up to rest on Nessa’s face. He places kisses down Nessa’s jaw and the other side of her neck which has yet to be marked by any of them.

He barely gets a mark on her neck before Rhea pulls him away from Nessa, "Now, please Mami while I get Bunny ready for Papi." Rhea orders Dominik and maneuvers her body to give Dominik access while she continues to kiss and mark up Nessa, sliding her fingers into Nessa's cunt, Rhea gasping in pleasure as Dominik uses his own mouth and fingers to do as he was told.

“Is this ok Mariposa?” Damian asks, as he rolls her onto her back so Rhea still has access to her cunt, and he can resume marking up her chest and playing with her nipples enjoying the noises spilling from her lips. She only manages to nod her head but the silence makes them all pause, Rhea pulling her finger away from Nessa. “Words Mariposa, we need words.” Damian growls, a reminder.

“Yes, please don’t stop,” Nessa whimpers. Rhea and Damian share a look and smile at each other, an unspoken agreement forming.

“Dom, lay on your back let me take my pleasure from you while Papi pleases our Bunny.” Rhea grabs Dominik by the hair and pulls him back up, kissing him, tasting herself on his lips before shoving him on his back, and quickly getting undressed and straddling him, guiding his cock inside her the both of them moaning as Rhea moves her hips and rides him while next to them Damian is getting similar sounds out of Nessa.

Damian kisses down Nessa’s body, biting and sucking, Nessa arching her back as he does so on her thigh making her spread her legs for him. Damian wastes no time burying his face between her thighs licking at her clit and using his fingers to help get her ready. Nessa moans and writhes, grabbing a fist full of his hair which he takes as encouragement adding another finger making Nessa moan again, her breathing getting more shallow.

Damian feels her clench around his fingers and he stops licking her for a moment, “Good girl Mariposa, cum for me.” He tells her and returns to pleasing her with his tongue. Nessa whines as she cums around his fingers. Her own fingers were still tangled in his hair. Damian licks up at the increased wetness savoring her taste.

Damian starts to lick and bite back up Nessa’s body as she glances over to see Rhea still riding Dom, their faces scrunched up in pleasure, one of Rhea's hands pinning Dom's hands above his head the other pressing on his chest for leverage. They disappear from Nessa’s view as Damian turns her head to access the part of her neck not marked up and proceeds to add his own marks before returning to Nessa’s lips. His hand travels back down to her cunt and slides his fingers back in, Nessa arching her back, her chest momentarily rubbing against Damian's. It is at that moment the conversation from the coffee shop pops into her head.

“Papi. please.” Nessa begs bucking up against his hand.

“Please what Mariposa?” He answers back gently biting at her neck, his cock grazing across her thigh as he moves his fingers in and out of her wet cunt.

“Please just fuck me…” She begs her breath catching in her throat. Damien groans into her neck, using every bit of his strength to control himself so as to not hurt her, not knowing what she needs yet. He lines himself up and gently pushes in, careful to let her adjust to his size and pressing his lips to hers tenderly. Even when his full length is inside her he moves slowly and carefully, while it feels good it annoys Nessa, she wants more and decides to do something about it. She slightly turns her face away from his kiss and pulls on his hair making him expose his neck. She leans up and bites down, hard, making Damian shudder and groan. Nessa moves her mouth to his collarbone and bites down hard again this time a coppery taste touches her tongue. She lays her head back down on the pillow satisfied with the marks she made. Damien looks at her shocked, his pupils blown with lust. He leans down by her ear, his thrusts speeding up and getting more forceful.

“If that's how you want to play it, Mariposa, so be it.” He growls in her ear before capturing her lips in a possessive, bruising kiss while rutting into her, one hand loosely wrapped around her throat, bracing himself on that elbow, his other hand goes back to rubbing her clit as he fucks her. He keeps up the pace for several minutes until he feels her cunt begin to spasm around his cock, her orgasm rushing through her, her skin flushing red all over her body. He continues his pace prolonging her orgasm and chasing his own until he shudders and bites down on Nessa’s shoulder like she did his, as he finishes inside her.

Damian stays there for a moment collecting himself and watching Nessa’s expression. Her chest heaves with the effort to breathe but she is smiling which ensures Damian that she is ok. He sweetly kisses her forehead before rolling off from on top of her and pulling her to his chest and holding her. “Are you ok Mariposa? Was that too much? What do you need?” Damian asks rapidly, wanting to make sure she is ok as he holds her to his chest, Nessa’s hand resting on his chest next to her head. Nessa nods her head and swallows trying to find strength to talk and collect her thoughts, her body trembling slightly still.

“I’m ok, that was, that was wonderful and just hold me please.” She quietly answers, partly muffled by Damian's chest. They do hear her however and all scoot over surrounding her in the cuddle pile again. “Did you guys just lay there when you were done waiting for us to finish?” Nessa asks, a little more strength in her voice and she feels Rhea laugh against her.

“Yes, this does happen fairly often, and that's what we do so we can all give each other what we need afterward.” Rhea answers. Nessa feels someone play with her hair.

They lay like that for a while before Damian clears his throat, “This probably should have been discussed before but we got carried away, are you on birth control? I’m sorry to ask like this but we did discuss that in the boundaries…” He kisses Nessa’s head as she jumps hearing thumps from the kitchen.

“Relax Mi Vida, Finn is making us breakfast. He does that when he doesn’t participate if we have sex in the morning.” Dominik soothes Nessa reaching over and squeezing her shoulder.

“Yeah, I have an IUD, it’s still good, I am due to have it replaced in a few months.” Nessa explains craning her neck to look up at Damian. She starts to fidget and wiggle and Damian shakes his head and breaks the embrace and slides into a sitting position.

“Go to the bathroom, Nes you clearly need to and we don’t want you to get a UTI, the same goes for you, Rhea.” He orders gently running his fingers through Nessa’s hair when she pouts at the loss of contact but stays laying down because Rhea pulled her to her chest spooning her.

“But comfy…” Rhea mutters into Nessa’s hair, Dominik hums in agreement.

“I know Nessa is comfortable but your health comes first, now, let her go and both of you go to the bathroom.” Damian orders. Nessa wiggles out of Rhea's grasp for Rhea to whine at the loss of heat. Nessa leans over and kisses Rhea, then Dom, then she straddles Damian momentarily and kisses him again before jumping up and going to the bathroom.

Rhea giggles watching Nessa run naked through her house to the bathroom.

"Well that was unexpected," Rhea comments, getting up herself wrapping the blanket around her and continues, "Tonight I'll see if she will fill out the kink chart so we know for sure what is ok and not." Rhea struts away from them Dom still laying on the floor and Damian leaning against the couch sitting up. Damian opens his arms for Dominik who crawls over and sits on his lap.

“She let me kiss her and would have let me do more if Mami would let me,” Dominik pouts, laying his head on Damian's shoulder. Damian wraps his arms around Dom's waist.

“Yes she would have, but we don’t want to do too much too fast, she is still hurt from what happened Dom. We didn’t stop you out of being stingy but to protect both of you. I think it was almost too much for her; she nearly went nonverbal.” Damien explains rubbing up and down Dom’s arm.

“If she is moving and nodding and whimpering it’s ok, it's when she nods but no sound at all is when she shuts down.” Dom explains.

“Where did the biting come from? Did she do that with you?” Damien asks trying to understand how the girl who blushes when he flirts suggestively, she just bites down, did she know that is one of his kinks?

“No not really, she did bite me a bit but never like that,” Dominik answers, kissing the bruises on Damian's neck and making him moan again.

“Oy no more fucking, breakfast is almost done go get dressed the girls are already in here helping me!” Finn hollers out from the kitchen. Damian sighs and pats Dominik’s thigh who gets up, Damian does the same and stretches the two of them going to get ready for the day.

[spideesenses]

Half a Heart → Miguel O’Hara

pairing: miguel x gn!reader

warnings: angsty

prompt: miguel has a difficult time balancing out work and his personal life; you have received the short end of the stick countless of times.

Midnight rolled around & the empty spot next to you remains cold. Your heavy heart aches. You tried not to cry, but once that pinch in your chest comes to light, you can’t help the knot that gets stuck in your throat.

This was the 12th time this month that Miguel had left you hanging without any form of communication. 12th time the two of you had planned for a date & him not show up. You understood that he ran a business, you weren’t entirely sure what the business was, only that you would be safer if you didn’t know & to trust Miguel. Him not showing up was only a portion of the issue… the other part was him not communicating. Would you still be a little disappointed if he did communicate? Yes, of course, anyone would be if plans fell through last minute. But you wouldn’t have to hold onto this sliver of hope that just maybe… he’d make it this time.

You started thinking about how he hardly texted you as it was. You weren’t exactly the clingy type. You could be at times, but as a full-time worker, you understood that obligations come up. To make sure you weren’t crazy, you pulled out your phone. You scrolled, making note of the conversations that you had & all of them, were conversations that you initiated.

Two weeks ago

You — 6:56 AM good morning love, i hope you have a great day today. i miss you so much. i’m off at 5 today. any chance we can order takeout and have a movie night?💕

Miggy Smalls — 7:12 AM Buenos dias mi vida. I should be good for a date night, only I’ll be home at around 9 the latest. That okay with you? Be safe, i miss you xo💋

You — 7:15 AM sounds good. should i order from that thai place up the street?

You — 5:20 PM miguel?

You — 6:01 PM i ordered your favorite. should be here in 2 hours and a half. let me know when you’re on the way home. stay safe

You — 8:10 PM oh! i saw this and it reminded me of you. thought you might have a laugh [attachment]

You — 9:32 PM hey, you on the way? im throwing your food in the microwave so it’s warm when you get here!

You — 11:24 PM haven’t heard from you. hope you’re okay. food’s in the fridge🥺

Miggy Smalls — 2:12 AM Dios mios, lo siento baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise

Two weeks ago

You — 9:44 AM hi! thinking of you. i miss you😭 little bit extra today.

Miggy Smalls - 10 AM Does my baby need a hug delivered? I’ll stop by with some lunch too.

You — 10:03 AM oh please! and a kiss too, while you’re at it🥺

Miggy Smalls — 11:45 AM Omw baby. Hang tight

You — 2:12 PM thank you for coming to see me today. it was very special to me & meant a lot. i love you

Miggy Smalls — 3:54 PM I love you baby. Of course. Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together, work can be unpredictable at times

You — 4 PM all good. just try to talk to me more, so i can be understanding, okay?

It wasn’t all bad. Miguel had his moments where he would show up for some cuddles. He wouldn’t stay long, but those moments were sacred to you. You cherished those moments beyond his imagination. Of course you did, you had to with how rare they were.

Tears rolled down your face as you went through your messages. You missed him so much. More than words could fathom. And with every single fiber in your body, you wished that you could stop feeling this feeling. Missing him was painful. It felt like your body was operating without its heart. Like you were walking around with only one shoe.

It wasn’t always like this either. In the beginning, Miguel was the one texting and calling you first. He was showing up to your apartment with food and a movie, or a puzzle he picked up. Actually, one of your first quarrels was how he felt like you weren’t doing these things for him. And you felt like these were things he enjoyed, so you didn’t want to take it from him; so the resolution was you would take turns. But that Miguel feels like he’s millions of miles away, as if he’s a completely different person.

You tried your hardest to distract yourself, but the screaming red light of your digital clock reading 12:56 PM only mocked you. You couldn’t get the time of his day. Could you even consider this a relationship?

The memories slowly peeled away in your head. Good and bad. And you really began questioning if the good really could outweigh the bad.

A shadow drifts across your window, causing you to sit up, immediately wiping your face with the sleeve of Miguel’s hoodie. If an intruder was going to get you, you’d be damned if it were booger-faced crying.

Immediately, your heart starts to pound in your chest; if the intruder didn’t know any better, it’d almost be as if you were knocking at the window. You reached for your bedside lamp, clutching it at the base, raising your arm as the shadowed figure presses their fingers to push up the window. Without hesitating, you swipe the lamp at the unnamed stranger.

“Ow! Babe?” you hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed shut and turned to the side. You peeked your eyes and there he was in all of his glory.

“M-Miguel?” you sniffled. You couldn’t help it. You saw him and your heart tore. The weld in your throat tightened as you swallowed.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Only it wasn’t.

[hbyrde36]

Times Like These (The Anniversary Edition)

CH 1 CH 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11

Chapter 12: Live Again

WC: 6195 | AO3 link | CW: Smut

For two weeks Eddie didn’t leave the house.

He wasn’t in hiding, exactly, he just… wasn’t quite ready for the outside world yet.

There was no one shouting for his head since Chrissy was alive and therefore he was never tied to the mysterious deaths in town, save for the fact that he’d been the lone surviving victim of the same killer, officially. The Hawkins Post called him a hero, for escaping, for living. 

Most of the time, he didn’t feel much like one. 

While he was struggling, everyone else seemed to be settling into life post-Vecna, their new normal, with ease.

The Byers moved back to Hawkins. 

Joyce and Hopper, after his miraculous return to life that came with a cover story Eddie didn’t even want to know, had flown to California a day or two after the battle to pack up what was salvageable from the house in Lenora. The place had apparently been ransacked in their absence by the same sector of the government that had tried to capture Eleven, or so Dustin had said during one of his visits. Now they were back, one big happy blended family, staying at Hopper’s old cabin until they could find something better.

School started up again. 

Jonathan, Will, and El still had to wait for their transfers to go through, but the rest of the kids, Robin, Chrissy, and Nancy all returned to the halls of Hawkins High like it was nothing, like the world as they knew it hadn’t irrevocably changed.

Maybe for them, it hadn’t.

Maybe Eddie was the only one having a hard time returning to his life. 

He faked it well enough when anyone else was around, but in reality he barely ate and couldn't sleep—not quite able to believe that it was truly over, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. And on the rare occasion that he did manage to get some rest, he always woke in a panic, half-expecting to find himself back at the beginning again.

Though his injuries were essentially just a broken arm, Principal Higgins, in a rare show of mercy, agreed to allow him to finish out what was left of the school year at home, provided someone was willing to bring the materials to him and drop the completed work back off to his teachers the next day. 

Chrissy was a godsend, who happily jumped at the chance to help him out now that she had plenty of free time, since her first order of business when school resumed was to quit the cheerleading squad. And, in what he could only assume was an effort to tank her reputation as thoroughly and as quickly as possible, sat with the kids at the Hellfire table in the cafeteria when lunchtime rolled around, to the collective bafflement of Gareth, Jeff, and Grant. 

That had been a fun conversation to bullshit his way through when they stopped by to see him last week.

Chrissy was also the one person who, apart from Wayne, knew that he wasn’t doing well. With the amount of time she spent over at the trailer, it was kind of inevitable that he wouldn't be able to hide from her the way he could with the others. 

He knew she wanted to ask, wanted him to open up and talk about all the reasons why he was having such a hard time moving on, but he couldn't. He wouldn’t burden her with all that, she already knew enough. She didn’t need to hear how a large portion of his nightmares featured her body breaking over and over again right before his eyes. 

As far as the other thing, she knew something had happened between him and Steve, everyone seemed to know even if they didn't know what, but no one talked about it.

Just like in the hospital, Eddie didn’t ask, and no one else mentioned Steve either, which he’d been grateful for at first, not needing the painful reminder of how badly he’d fucked up, but it was getting infuriating, the not knowing. 

He just wanted to know that Steve was okay, to see for himself that Steve was real, and alive. 

Which was his only reason for agreeing to attend a movie night in the Wheelers cramped basement, surrounded by the smell of sweaty teenage boys and burnt popcorn. The potential of seeing Steve completely overrode his good sense. 

Except, Steve never showed. 

Nearly two hours of staring at the wall, and for nothing. He didn’t even know what movie they’d been watching, his thoughts too loud for him to pay attention. 

When the credits rolled and the kids started to move around again, Eddie booked it up the stairs, needing some air and a smoke to calm his nerves, not realizing that Chrissy and Robin were following close behind him.

The cigarette was dangling from his lips, lighter halfway to his mouth when the two girls burst out the door he’d just come through. He raised a single eyebrow and continued to light his smoke.

Robin wrinkled her nose and waved a hand in front of her face reflexively. “I don’t know a nice way to say this, so I’m just gonna say it. You look terrible. I mean Chrissy said, but I didn’t think it was this bad. Are you okay?!”

Chrissy smacked her on the arm. “Robin!”

Eddie sighed, blowing out a long plume of smoke. “No, that was fair. I haven't taken a good look in the mirror lately, but I'm sure you’re not wrong.”

“Sorry.” Robin winced. “In Chrissy’s defense all she told me was that she’s worried about you, that it didn’t seem like you were handling life after the Upside Down so great.”

He thought about playing it off, the same way he had dozens of times before when different members of their little group had come to check up on him, but he was tired—tired of lying about it and far too tired to come up with any convincing bullshit.

“I’m not. You’re right about that, both of you. I, uh, don’t really sleep much these days? And anytime I do close my eyes—it’s a nightmare. Either a literal one, or I wake up not being sure if any of what happened was real, or if it was just another failed loop and I'm about to start back at the beginning again. I mean, it’s been two weeks but it’s like I can't accept it. I can't accept that it’s done. I keep thinking maybe if I knew how it happened, if I could somehow be absolutely sure that it won’t happen again, maybe I could relax, but… what are the chances of that.”

It felt good to say it out loud for once, to name it and let it out instead of keeping it all bottled up inside.

"I wish there was more we could do to help." Chrissy said, running a hand up and down his back, careful not to bump his cast.  

"I know you have Wayne, and Chrissy of course, but you have me too—all of us.” Robin bit her lip, and he wondered if she was also thinking about the big Steve-sized hole in that—all of us, she claimed he had.

“We all get nightmares and stuff like that,” She continued, “And if you ever need to you can call me anytime, day or night.”

“Thanks, Buckley.” He said.

Wayne’s truck pulled up to the mailbox, the man himself waving from inside the cab. 

Even with his broken arm Eddie could have driven himself just fine, but his uncle insisted on giving him a ride. He figured if it made the old man feel better there was no sense in arguing about it.

Eddie waved back, and turned to say goodbye to the girls. 

“I guess I'd better go. Um, listen, Robin, is Steve okay? I just—I know he doesn’t want to see me, or whatever, but can you at least tell me that much?”

“I—He’s—Well,” Robin stuttered, opening and closing her mouth like a fish for a moment before finally snapping it shut. She studied his face, and seemed to come to some kind of decision, nodding to herself as she took a deep breath.

“Y’know what? Screw it, he can be mad at me if he wants to. Eddie, he’s a mess. He asked me not to say anything, especially to you, but—it’s so stupid! And it’s not like it’s some big secret that he hasn’t been around!” 

Eddie’s heart sank. “What do you mean?”

“He put in for a leave of absence at work. He won’t leave the house, won’t let the kids come over—he hardly even lets me see him anymore.”

“Oh.”

The truck’s horn went off, the sound startlingly loud in the quiet night air when the only other noise came from crickets chirping softly in the grass. All three of them jumped, looking around in a panic, and Wayne rolled his window down to shout out an apology. “Sorry kids! And I’m sorry to rush you, son, but I gotta get you home so I can get to work.”

-

By two o’clock in the morning Eddie had put his jacket on, gone all the way out to the van with keys in hand, started it, shut it off again, and gone back inside—twice. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Steve. 

Which, in and of itself wasn’t unusual, the other boy was never far from his thoughts. A little over fourteen days since he’d seen him and it still didn’t hurt any less. 

The full out rejection. The radio silence. The complete avoidance. 

He’d expected the rejection, although he assumed it would have come after his confession, but beyond that he’d expected to retain, at the very least, an awkward friendship after that. They still shared a brood of freshmen, and whether they were… friends or not, that fact alone meant they’d be forced to interact at least some of the time.

But it was clear that even friendship wasn’t on the table, and till now Eddie felt like he had no choice but to sulk and accept it. What he learned tonight changed things. He was worried now. Steve wasn’t only avoiding him he was avoiding everyone, and it had to be his fault, somehow. Eddie wasn’t stupid, he knew that much, and that meant it was up to him to fix it. 

If Steve was avoiding the party in an effort to avoid him, well, maybe they could come up with a schedule, some sort-of joint custody agreement. 

If it was something else? Eddie didn’t know what he’d do, but he’d figure it out.

He was still pacing the floor in the living room, wondering how early would be too early to show up at Steve's house in the morning to hash things out, when there was a knock on the door. 

It was probably Max, he tried to tell his suddenly racing heart. She’d done it once or twice since he’d been home from the hospital, showing up in the middle of the night when she couldn’t sleep and saw his lights on. Still, he wasn’t about to get caught-out if it was someone less friendly stopping by for a visit this close to the witching hour, so he picked up the crowbar he’d taken to keeping by the door before easing it open to face whoever was on the other side of it. 

“Wha—Steve?” Eddie stuttered out, genuinely unsure for a moment because the boy in front of him had hollow, lifeless eyes set above dark bruising, as though he’d slept even less in recent days than Eddie himself had. His hair was flat, face pale and drawn. 

He was still painfully beautiful, because Steve could never not be that, but emphasis on the painful—the guy looked tortured, there was no other word for it. 

Steve glanced around nervously, refusing to meet his eyes. “Yeah, I–uh, sorry to just show up—”

Eddie stood in the doorway, mouth agape, frozen in shock. He blinked hard wondering if he’d lost it, if he was hallucinating the other boy showing up on his doorstep like this.

“C–can I come in? Just for a minute.” Steve asked.

The urge to reach out and touch Steve to make sure he was real, was strong, but he resisted.

“Yeah, sure, o-of course.” Eddie turned, propping the crowbar back up against the doorframe and took a few steps towards the couch, assuming Steve would follow, but quickly realized that he hadn’t moved. Eddie glanced back over his shoulder to find Steve still standing on the threshold, staring up at a spot on the ceiling.

“You okay?” Eddie asked.

Steve startled back to life, clearing his throat awkwardly as he finally ventured inside, closing the door behind him. 

Eddie sat down on the far end of the couch, hoping Steve would take the spot beside him, but instead he perched on the end of Wayne’s armchair across the room and dropped his head into his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees. Eddie was about to ask again if the other boy was okay, a dumb question really when the answer was so obviously no, but before he could open his mouth Steve began to speak—soft, and slow.

“Robin called me. She said you've been worried… a-about the loops restarting? And that you said, maybe if you knew–” 

He trailed off, and was quiet for long enough that Eddie had to say something.

“Steve, what–”

“The original timeline,” Steve rushed out, raising his head to look Eddie in the eyes for the first time since he’d opened the door. “I remember it.” He swallowed hard. “And I know what started all this.”

Eddie's stomach sank straight through the floor, and for a moment he lost all sense of the world around him, the sound of static and his own heart pounding was loud in his ears. 

This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be real. He couldn’t possibly have heard Steve right.

“It was Owens,” Steve went on, his voice shaky. “Well, his people—the lab. I was there when they did it.”

Hearing that tremor in Steve’s words was what finally snapped Eddie out of it. This was happening, it was very real, and Steve was trembling from the remembrance.

“When we, uh—'' Steve dropped his gaze to the floor abruptly, as if suddenly realizing their eyes had met, and went back to staring at the carpet. “After we realized we’d failed, Robin, Nancy, and I, raced back to the trailer and I–I found Dustin sitting with y-y-your–” Steve stuttered, sniffling and wiping at his face roughly as he took a deep ragged breath. 

“Your body. I checked for a pulse but you were gone… already going cold. It couldn’t even have been that long, but it was like that place was taking it from you, your warmth, and I—we couldn't just leave you there, so I carried you out. One of Owens’ colleagues, Stinson, she was there waiting for us on the other side.” 

He paused, giving a little shake of his head. “She knew everything, including that we hadn’t killed Vecna because there were these huge cracks in the ground that ran all over town just like Nancy described in her vision. Then Stinson saw what I was carrying—you—and said she might have a way to help, a way to fix everything, but they'd need to take you with them. I–I couldn't just let them have you without knowing what they planned to do, so I went too, while the others went on to the hospital.”

Eddie was reeling, struggling to take it all in, to process what Steve was saying, all the while wanting desperately to comfort him somehow—but he was frozen in place.

“...Hospital?” He managed to ask, throat tight.

“Max.” Steve wrapped his arms around himself, glancing out the window in the direction of the girl’s house. “She was in some kind of coma or something. She died–”

Eddie gasped, bringing a hand to his chest. Red… he’d never known what happened to her in those first few failed loops.

“El brought her back,” Steve added quickly, head snapping back around at Eddie’s sharp intake of breath. “But she was dead—long enough to almost destroy the town. Four deaths, four chimes. It stopped spreading, the damage, when El brought her back but Vecna still won.”

“Steve, why–” Eddie began his question not even knowing what to ask first. It was all so much—too much.

“Why didn’t I just let them take you?” Steve guessed when he didn’t finish.

Eddie nodded, it was one of the many things he wondered about.

“I didn’t know what was going to happen, and I thought… th-the least I could do was make sure your uncle had a body to bury.”

Eddie threw a hand over his own mouth, stifling the sound that threatened to escape his throat as tears sprung to his eyes. He knew he’d died, and the dying itself had been no picnic, but to him the in-between had been nothing more than a bit of floaty darkness before he dropped back down into the world with a fresh start. He’d never really considered it from the outside—being a body for them to deal with, a lifeless husk that Steve had guarded if only so Wayne could have closure.

“We drove somewhere, maybe an hour outside of Hawkins where they’d built this big machine, kinda like, well, kinda like the Russians had under the mall, I guess. I didn’t understand most of it, science was never my best subject.”

Steve huffed a bitter laugh, rubbing his hands together as he continued. 

“But, uh, they said it could reverse time, or like, send a few of us back for another chance at stopping Vecna? That’s what they wanted your body for—honestly it sounded crazy, like something out of one of Dustin’s science fiction novels, but they said they could use you and the moment of your death as some kind of anchor point, the event that would slingshot time back—and would keep snapping it back until you lived, and hopefully that would mean Vecna didn’t. We waited two days, until Eleven made it back. I wanted her there too so she would remember and be able to help. We were supposed to–”  Steve swallowed back a sob, his chest contracting as he raked his hands roughly through his hair. 

“Eddie, I'm so sorry. We were supposed to remember too, you were never supposed to be alone in this. Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t have had to—” 

“No,” Eddie cut him off. “Don’t do that to yourself. None of that is your fault, ok? It’s over. He’s gone, and we’re here, and that’s all that matters now.”

Eddie rose from his spot on the couch, and had barely taken one foot in Steve’s direction when the other boy shot up out of his seat like it’d suddenly caught fire, rushing towards the door.

“Steve, wait.” Eddie called out, catching up in a few short strides. 

Steve froze with his hand on the door, but didn’t turn around. “So, you see? You don't have to worry anymore. It's—like you said, he’s dead and you’re not. The conditions were met. It’s over. That’s all I wanted you to know.”

The handle turned and Steve began to pull the door open, but Eddie couldn’t let him go, not like this, not without—

Eddie crowded up behind him, reaching past to slap his palm on the door, keeping it closed.

“Please,” Eddie quietly begged, close enough now to feel the heat of Steve’s body, to smell his skin. “Just, please… can we talk?”

“What else is there to talk about?”

“What else do you remember?”

“Everything, Eddie,” Steve breathed, barely a whisper. “I remember all of it.”

Eddie dropped his hand from the door, stumbling back. He should have expected it, because why would Steve only regain his memory of that first time, but for some reason it took him entirely off balance. 

“When?” 

“The first night you were in the hospital.” Steve turned to face him, expression resigned. “I fell asleep on a chair in your room and it was like—like a flash of lightning inside my head. I woke up and suddenly it all came rushing back. I thought I was losing my mind at first but eventually I realized what it was—that I remembered.”

“Oh.”

That was why Steve had left the hospital and never returned. Eddie had been right all along. He’d been right to worry. Steve remembered their time together—the touches, the kiss, and he regretted it all so goddamn much that he’d rather disappear than be anywhere near him.  

Eddie curled in on himself, almost wishing that he’d just let Steve go when he’d wanted to.

“Don’t worry,” Steve said, reaching again for the door. “I won’t tell anyone what happened between us. I know it didn’t mean anything to you.” 

Eddie almost didn’t hear it, already so lost in the dark storm of his own thoughts that it took a second for his brain to catch up with what Steve said. 

When it did? His heart stopped. 

“Wait, what did you just say?”

Steve sighed heavily, leaning against the door as though it was the only thing keeping him upright. “It’s fine, Eddie, really—I’m used to it by now. You don’t have to explain, try and make me feel better or anything like that. I—It was dumb to even think you might feel the same. I-I’m sorry I kissed you like that, I was way out of line.”

“What are you saying? What the fuck is happening right now?”

Steve scoffed, a little life—a little fire even, returning to his eyes. “Don’t! Don't stand there and pretend like you don’t know exactly what–”

“I don’t!" Eddie shot back. "I-I thought… It’s all backwards! Don’t you regret kissing me? Isn’t that why you left me at the hospital? Why you’ve been avoiding everyone, because you didn’t want to be around me?”

“That’s not—I mean that’s part of why I've been hiding, but it’s also everything else. I don’t know how you carried all of this on your own for so–” Steve cut himself off, clenching his jaw. “And why shouldn't I regret it? Once I remembered, all I could think about was how hard you tried to stay away from me, no matter how hard I—like an idiot—tried to get close to you. You didn’t want to share a bed with me again until I basically forced you to. You didn’t want me there with you at the Creel house—you were so angry on that last day, so disgusted with me.”

“Steve, no, it’s not–”

“What else was I supposed to think?!” Steve snapped. “I kissed you, I put it all out there in front of everyone, and I’m sorry that I didn’t remember, but you did! You remembered everything and you didn’t tell me! Well, message received loud and clear.”

Oh god, Eddie knew he’d fucked up but he’d never dreamed—Steve had it all wrong.

“Sweetheart—”

“You said it didn’t mean anything!” Steve shouted, tears flowing freely down his face. 

Eddie's already broken heart shattered into a million pieces.

“I lied!” He shouted back, the words ringing out in the sudden silence as Steve stared at him, mouth half open. 

“I… I was so fucked up after you died—still am fucked up about it. I was devastated, and terrified, and everything had just been ripped away from me—erased from history, and I was alone again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What was I supposed to do, Steve? What—how do you tell all of that to someone?!” 

Eddie raked a hand over his face, blowing out a long breath. “Oh, hey, so I know you barely know me, and you won’t remember this, but we’ve spent the past week cuddling in your bed together and sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings and secrets, and then you kissed me, and now I think I’m in love with you?!”

Steve sucked in a breath, a wounded sound escaping his lips.

“You love me?”

Eddie sputtered, briefly considering making a break for his bedroom and locking the door until Steve left, but it was out there now, for better or worse. This had always been his plan, right? To tell Steve the truth—everything. It was time to stop running.

With all the courage he could muster Eddie held Steve’s gaze, and nodded.

“Yes.”

Without warning Steve surged forward, crushing their mouths together, and Eddie didn’t hesitate for even a second to kiss back. It was a desperate, almost painful thing, teeth clacking, and wet where their tears streaked each other’s faces. 

Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie’s shoulders, cradling the back of his head as he deepened the kiss. In turn, Eddie gripped Steve’s side hard with his one good hand, trying to bring him in closer, whining when Steve broke away suddenly, only to rest their foreheads together. 

“Eddie, I lo–”

“Don’t,” the word came flying out of Eddie’s mouth without his permission. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, please.”

“Eddie, I remember everything. I’ve been drawn to you since the very beginning. From the moment you shoved me into that wall in the boathouse it was like you brought the color back into my world, when I didn’t even realize it was missing.”

Steve smiled, cupping his cheek, and pressed their heads even more firmly together. “I love you too.”

Eddie sobbed, sagging in Steve’s arms as he pressed his face into the crook of the other boy’s neck. “I missed you so much.”

“I was right here the whole time.” Steve gently rocked them together.

“I know,” Eddie hiccupped, letting out the ghost of a laugh, though none of this was funny. “I know. It’s my fault. I knew I could try again, even if I couldn’t tell you how close we’d become. I could have tried to start over but I couldn't get it out of my head, how easily it was all just gone, how you were just gone and I—It was safer to not, easier, or so I thought. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Steve shushed him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and another under his jaw. “I’m sorry too, I should have talked to you, told you that I remembered, and let you explain like you wrote.”

Their lips met again, no less desperate than before. If anything it was moreso, hungry for each other on a maddening level after so much time apart and so many feelings thought unrequited. 

Steve pushed his tongue into his mouth and Eddie welcomed the intrusion, moaning as he pushed Steve back until he was pressing him into the wall, caging him in, not once breaking the kiss. 

And Eddie knew they should probably talk more, make sure they were on the same page, and they would, but for now he just wanted to feel him, smell him, taste him. He wanted to make Steve feel good. 

His fingers played along the waistband of Steve’s jeans as he let his mouth roam lower, nipping and sucking at Steve’s neck, and came to rest on his fly, thumb grazing the button there. 

“This okay?” Eddie asked, panting, lips still pressed to skin.

Steve nodded, breath hitching as Eddie went back to work on his neck, sucking a bruise into the side of his throat as he undid Steve’s jeans with practiced fingers. 

Eddie sank to his knees, bracing himself with one hand on Steve’s thigh while he kept his casted arm tucked tight to his side. He looked up through his lashes at Steve’s flushed face, and grinned. “A little help?”

“Christ,” Steve breathed, quickly pushing his own pants and boxers down far enough to let his hardening length spring free, bobbing heavily right in front of Eddie’s face. 

Eddie leaned in, ignoring Steve’s unfairly gorgeous cock for now, and rubbed his cheek along his thigh, mouthing at his balls and pressing lips everywhere except where Steve was so desperate to be touched.

Steve looked down with heavy-lidded eyes, reaching out to touch Eddie’s face, and Eddie shamelessly nuzzled into it.

“I dreamed about having you like this so many times.” Steve said, running his thumb along Eddie’s lower lip.

Eddie's own cock twitched, and he’d never been more thankful to be wearing sweatpants. He was already painfully hard and throbbing, it would have been unbearable in his usual tight jeans.

“You been thinking about getting me on my knees, sweetheart?” Eddie wrapped his hand around Steve’s length, squeezing gently as he lapped at the tip. 

Steve threw his head back, gasping, “Eddie, fuck.”

“When was the first time? When did you realize you wanted to see me like this?”

As soon as the question was asked Eddie wrapped his lips around the head of Steve’s cock and sank down, slowly taking inch after inch into his mouth.

“The RV.” Steve grunted, breath stuttering as Eddie began to bob his head. “The very first time.” 

Steve wound a hand into Eddie's hair, pulling it out of his face, gripping it lightly at the root. “It was so hot watching you hotwire it—you and those fucking hands. Then you called me big boy and I was a goner.”

Oh god, it really had been right from the beginning, and Eddie hadn’t known. He’d felt it himself, this pull towards the other boy even if he hadn’t really realized what it was until later. 

Eddie moaned loudly around the cock in his mouth, taking it all the way down until Steve hit the back of his throat. 

Steve shuddered, hips bucking. “It was the same in the second and third loops. You just–”

Eddie pulled back briefly to catch his breath, letting the head of Steve’s cock rest on his tongue as he stroked him with his hand.

“Oh fuck–” Steve squeezed his eyes, sucking in a breath, chest heaving. “Eddie, once I knew you each loop—every time—once I really saw you? I couldn't look away.”

Eddie sank down again, taking Steve right to the hilt this time with no build up. He doubled his efforts from before, swallowing reflexively each time the head of Steve’s cock slammed into the back of his throat. 

“I’m close.” Steve hissed, bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

It was the only warning Eddie had before Steve pulsed in his mouth, coating his tongue in hot bitter fluid. Not that he minded, not at all. He swallowed it down greedily, hollowing his cheeks as he worked Steve all the way through his orgasm, swirling his tongue around the tip of him as he finally pulled off.

Eddie sat back on his heels while Steve recovered and he caught his breath, swiping the back of his hand across his chin, wet with spit and a little bit of cum that had escaped the corner of his mouth. He glanced up, locking eyes with Steve as he cleaned off the mess with his tongue.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve breathed, his spent cock twitching valiantly at the sight. He quickly tucked himself away, pulling his pants most of the way back up before helping Eddie to his feet and taking him into his arms. 

Steve’s lips were on him immediately, tongue fucking into his mouth like he was trying to mirror what they’d just done. Eddie was pretty sure he’d never been so turned on in his life, and when he felt Steve’s thigh slide between his legs, didn’t hesitate to grind himself against it. 

He probably could’ve come just from that, feeling pent up and insane in the best way, but when his movements became too erratic Steve pulled his leg back. Eddie whined into Steve’s mouth at the loss, until he realized what the other boy intended. 

Steve snaked a hand up under Eddie’s shirt, his fingers brushing through the hair of his happy trail, coming to rest just above the waistband of his pants as he pulled back from the kiss. 

“Can I touch you?”

“Please,” Eddie begged, feeling like he might explode before Steve could ever lay a finger on him. 

Steve wasted no time pushing Eddie’s pants out of the way, revealing his poor neglected cock, red and leaking at the tip, and though Eddie was pretty sure this was his first time doing anything like this with a guy, Steve wasn’t shy about taking him in hand—licking his lips as he spread the pre-cum around with his thumb to ease the drag.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly Eddie came over Steve’s fist, his vision nearly whiting out with the intensity of it, and he was pretty sure he would have fallen without Steve there to catch him.

When he’d recovered enough to stand on his own two feet, Eddie pulled the shirt right off his own back, for lack of anything else, and cleaned up the mess he’d made on Steve’s hand, enjoying the way the other boy’s eyes raked over his suddenly bare chest. 

“Will you stay? We could share my bed this time?” Eddie asked.

Steve smiled, pulling him in close and pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. “Nothing could make me leave you right now. As long as you want me, I'm here.” 

-

Though the bed and the room were different, laying tangled together with Steve was just as he remembered, familiar and comfortable, and now with the added bonus of bare skin. Having no more reason to cover up with each other they’d both fallen into bed in nothing but boxers. 

They faced each other, cuddled up in Eddie’s favorite position, his head tucked up under Steve’s chin, face pressed to his neck.

They were quiet for so long, just holding each other and for a minute Eddie thought Steve had fallen asleep, until he heard a sniffle and felt a drop of wetness land in his hair.

“Stevie, sweetheart–”

Eddie tried to look up, but Steve curled his arms more firmly around him, squeezing him tight. 

“You were dead. There was so much blood, and you were dead in my arms and I can’t stop seeing it when I close my eyes.” Steve sucked in a sharp breath, a few more tears splashing the top of Eddie’s head.  “I didn’t even know you that well yet and still–”

Eddie rubbed his hand along Steve’s back in soothing circles, giving him comfort and the space to grieve without pushing him to say any more. 

When he was calmer, and his crying slowed, Steve spoke again. “Thinking back on it with how I feel about you now, I just, I don’t know how I'd survive if something happened to you.” He drug his lips along Eddie’s temple. “I’m sorry, I know that’s a crazy fucking thing to say so soon.”

Eddie pulled back, and this time Steve let him, so he could finally look him in the eye. “It’s not crazy, or if it is, I mean, I get it. I—Steve, I feel exactly the same way. I was already so far gone on you, and then you kissed me and it was–It was like you were giving me everything I ever wanted and more. But then you died. If Jason hadn’t come along and shot me that night, I would have done it myself just for the chance to bring you back.”

Steve tilted his head, reaching up to tuck a stray curl behind Eddie’s ear. “Maybe we’re both crazy.”

“Maybe.” Eddie smiled, a little bittersweet for the truth of it. “I’m sorry that I didn’t try to tell you. I–”

“It’s okay. Baby, you don’t have to keep explaining yourself.”

Baby.

Eddie shivered, but he couldn’t let what hearing that one little word did to his insides distract him from what he needed to say. 

“I–I was just so scared. I knew If I got too close to you again and it ended the same way, it would destroy me. I thought if I stayed away that I could protect myself, but I was already so in love with you. Staying away hurt almost as much as losing you would have. I think… a part of me was also worried that you were just exploring yourself with me, and I couldn’t handle the idea of only being your experiment. It wasn’t fair of me to put that fear on you, to not give you the benefit of the doubt. I was an asshole. I made a bad situation worse, and I’m just so sorry.”

“Are you still worried about that? That I’ll freak out about this, or change my mind?” Steve asked, not sounding mad or hurt, just wanting to understand.

“I’m trying not to,” Eddie answered honestly. “But, maybe—a little. There’s nothing quite like getting punched in the face right after your first kiss to make you cautious.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. I promise this isn’t some fling or experiment to me. I–I meant it, Eddie. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter 13: Epilogue

Special thanks to @penny00dreadful for being the best beta, friend and cheerleader.

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[rose-pearls]

Watching you go - Part 4

Summary: Chariot rides awaits and multiple conversations take place.

Previous part - Next Part

The wax hurts as they do it for the hundred time that day. The prep team had been complaining about how hairy you were but you couldn’t focus on it, you were too busy thinking about everything that had been told in the train.

They seem to have taken every single hair of your body as one of them tells you that your stylist will be arriving soon and to just stay put. You don’t know what you should be expecting, last year they had fire how could you top that. 

A young woman enters the room, she smiles shily, her long blond hair has pink woven through it and she has a few piercings but it’s the least make up you’ve seen on someone in the last hour.

“Hi, I’m Delia.”, she tells you and comes to shake your hand. You get ready to answer her back, but she just shakes her head kindly.

“I already know who you are, did a background check before I made the clothes.”

“That’s pretty smart.”, you can’t help but say as you get the robe closer to you.

“But please tell me a bit more about yourself.”, she says quickly, maybe she thought you had taken it badly.

“I was raised in district 12, raised in the butcher shop and otherwise nothing special.”, just the fact that Haymitch is apparently your father or that Peeta is your boyfriend but here he is seen as Katniss’s. 

“What about you?”, you ask her, and she smiles while taking a chair not far from her.

“I just graduated fashion school and here I am, first year into clothing tributes.”, you can’t help but smile at her excitement, even if it is for such things.

“Well, can’t wait to see what you have planned.”, you tell her, and she smiles widely at your words while opening a big portfolio.

“So, as you know last year was all about flames but what about what makes it so flammable. Plus, something that relates to district twelve. Coal.”, she says to you as if it was the most breakthrough idea she ever had and you start to feel scared, hopefully you weren’t going to end up in a coal pack.

“Now I took my ideas from there but made the clothes more wearable and something that would catch the eyes. I did a short black dress with gold lining woven on it and a top part for on your shoulder that will be like a cloak.”, she shows you the design and you can’t help but be impressed by it, it looked beautiful.

“It’s beautiful.”, you can’t help but whisper and she look extremely happy at your words.

“Glad you like it! Now let’s get you ready.”, the two of you talk through the entire two hours and you can’t help but feel less stressed than you did before.

The walk down the hallway to where the chariots are feels like a maze and like it takes forever to get there but once you are in front of the door you suddenly feel like you want to go back.

“It’s nerve-racking right?”, you turn around towards a sympathetic Delia and nod slowly.

“One thing I always learned was let the close do the talking, but you are the one that is wearing them so show them who you are through the clothes.”, you try to get all of that in your head, but it seemed like a bunch of words that you couldn’t understand.

“Shoulder back, head high and show them who you are.”, the door opens, and you know you have no choice but to hope that Effie’s high heels training will work. 

The room is turned into whispers as you enter it, but you ignore them, too focused on getting to the chariot where the horses are. After a moment or two everyone starts talking again and you feel yourself being able to breathe again. 

The horses are beautiful, not that you have seen any of them before, only from Capitol’s stories about district 10.

“Quite the entrance there.”, an unknown voice says, and you turn around to see Finnick Odair smiling at you.

“Thank you, I guess.”, you say after a moment of looking at him surprised.

“Horses like some sugar, it’s quite bad for them but once in a while it’s alright. Sugar cube?”, the man looks at you with a questioning gaze while trying to give you a sugar cube and you look at him slightly surprised.

“No thank you, don’t want to eat too much before the chariot ride.”, he nods at your answer and turns around to give it to the horse who happily munches on it. 

“How are you liking the Capitol so far?”, he asks you and you look at him surprised for a moment that he was keeping up the conversation.

“Haven’t seen much of it but it sure seems grand. Any tips on what to visit before the arena?”, you can’t help but ask sarcastically and Finnick chuckles at your words.

“I’ll give you the grand tour when you get out if it.”, this time you do look at him surprised, but he has a knowing look in his eyes.

“Quite certain there.”, you tell him, and he smiles secretly, like he knows everything about you.

“I don’t reveal my sources, but I am quite sure. Do you have any secret?”, you can’t help but blush slightly as the man comes closer to you. You weren’t blind, the man was incredible handsome with green eyes and wavy hair, he seemed like a god.

“Not one that I can think of right now, but I guess you’ll see. I don’t reveal all my cards immediately.”, Finnick smirks at your answer and you try to keep eye contact with the man but it’s getting difficult, with his intense gaze.

“Mysterious, I like it.”, the two of you look at each other before a voice breaks you apart.

“Hopefully I’m not interrupting anything?”, a tense Peeta says, hard eyes looking at the two of you and you take a step back from Finnick.

“Of course not, just getting to know my protégé.”, Finnick says with a smirk, and you look at him slightly confused.

“Protégé?”, Peeta looks pained at the word before coming next to you.

“We just got word that during your training you have been matched with another victor to train you. They say it will make it more spectacular. We still stay your mentor but during training days you will be with Finnick.”, so that is why the man came to talk to you. Peeta doesn’t look very pleased with the matching, and you could understand why.

“What about Gale?”, Finnick smiles at the question and turns towards Peeta to let him answer.

“He will have Johanna.”, Johanna Mason, district seven victor. You had seen her games with Gale to prep for the Quarter Quell as you were sure you would be picked. 

“That sounds like a terrifying duo.”, Peeta nods, looking tired for a moment and you can’t help but smile at him in sympathy.

“Who do you have?”, Peeta looks even more tired at your words as Finnick start sniggering.

“District two, the female tribute.”, you can understand why Finnick laughs, the girl looks like she either wants to kill someone or be left alone. Plus, in the final last year he was against district two.

“Having a party without me?”, a female voice asks, and you turn to see Johanna Mason arriving, looking beautiful and somehow elegant in these high heels.

“Never Jo.”, Finnick flashes her a flirty smile, but she hits him at the back of the head making him pout at her.

Before the two of them can say anything, Gale and Katniss arrive, Gale matches the black and gold, but he seems to be showing as much skin as you are.

“You two are certainly going to catch some attention.”, Johanna says with a smirk, and you can’t help but blush at her long gaze on your body, what did all these victors have to do that.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be rather than annoying us?”, Katniss says quite rudely, and you turn to look at her slightly surprised.

“Why would I want to be anywhere else when I can annoy you Kat-Kat.”, you can’t help but chuckle at the nickname, but you quickly stop yourself. However, Johanna and Finnick have heard you and they are both smirking at you.

“Before this turns into another catfight why don’t we all get our tributes ready?”, Peeta says, trying to soften the mood.

“Sure, baker boy, we’ll see you tomorrow for training anyway.”, Gale looks confused at her words, and you turn to look at him.

“The Capitol decided that we would do our training with another victor.”, he nods at your words and looks less confused.

“And who did we get?”, before any of the others can answer you look at him deadpanned.

“Why do you think they are here? To drink something?”, Gale rolls his eyes at your words but smiles.

“Right well I assume Ken is for you and I’ll get Mason?”, you nod quickly and Finnick argues that he isn’t a Ken doll making us all chuckle.

“All right you two times up we need to get everyone on the chariots.”, the victors leave towards their own tributes before you turn around to Haymitch. You hadn’t seen him since the train ride, and you didn’t know what to feel at the sight of him.

“Remember, you don’t smile you just look forward. You are coming from the winning district, and you are here to remind them of how powerful you are.”, the two of you nod along and Haymitch sends you to the chariots.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright.”, Peeta says after taking your arm softly.

“I know, just feeling the stress right now.”, he smiles softly, understanding what you mean.

“Don’t worry I’ll be here watching, I know you’ll do great.”, the two of you smile at each other for a moment before you break apart and get on the chariot next to Gale. You see Finnick in the distance looking at you with a confused gaze and then towards Peeta as if he was trying to resolve a puzzle, but you don’t have time to think about it before the chariot starts moving.

--

“The Capitol loves you.”, you hear behind you, and you turn around to see Haymitch walking towards you.

There was another level above the district twelve apartment, and it was somehow peaceful to see the Capitol moving around from there.

“Wonderful.”, you can’t help but whisper sarcastically and you hear Haymitch sigh behind you.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”, you can’t help but ask, wondering just what he is sorry for.

“That you are stuck with me now.”, that makes you turn around, seeing him sat down on the bench looking tired, sadness lingering in his eyes.

“I should have never told you the truth, that way you could still be with your father and mother without thinking of me.”, you don’t know what to answer, the anger lingering in your blood feels too small compared to the sadness you have.

“Would it be better that I would’ve known this since I was little? Probably. Was I pissed when I heard you say this in the train? So much.”, you see Haymitch nod slowly at your words, but he doesn’t say anything.

“But that doesn’t mean it would’ve been better for me never to know about this.”, that makes him look up and he looks at you surprised for a moment.

“I used to go by the butcher’s window just to see you there, up on the stool laughing while your father did things to make you laugh. And every time I knew you were better off without me. Maybe we should’ve told you earlier but I’m happy that you had a good childhood, it could’ve been bad with me in it.”, he says after a moment, and you look at him for a moment before sitting down next to him.

“We will never know how it would’ve been and I could decide right now to ignore every single thing you said in the train or in the last minutes, but I won’t. I’ve only got four days to get to know my biological father and I hope that we can do that.” You tell him slowly, unsure of how he would respond to your words.

“I would like that.”, the two of you smile at each other before turning around to look at the city. 

“Tell me about yourself.”, you hear yourself whisper and the rest of the night is spent on the roof, talking about Haymitch’s childhood and yours while the city went to sleep.

Thank you for all the comments it really helps! Not sure how the games are going to happen but we'll see!

Taglist: @wannapizzamymindposts, @experiencebeinanamericanwh0re, @capswife, @star-of-velaris (Tumblr didn't manage to find your @ so hopefully it works!)

[verai-marcel]

Your Hearth Is My Home (BG3 Fanfic, Astarion x Female Reader, Part 25 of 28)

Summary, Notes, Tags, & Part 1 are here.

Act I - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Act II - Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | 

Act III - Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 (18+) | Part 28 (END)

AO3 Link is here, my sweet.

Word Count: 4,798

------------------------------

Act III, Chapter 4 - The Twist

Astarion watched his witch sleep comfortably in his arms, her deep breaths coming slow and steady. Compared to how agitated she had been before, he was glad to see her so calm. Extricating himself carefully, he left their bed to go hunt. But he had only taken a few steps when he heard her whimper. Turning back to her, he saw her curl up into a fetal position and start trembling, a slight keen coming from her throat as she began to hyperventilate.

Immediately he returned, touching her forehead. She began to calm, but her brow was still sweating from whatever was afflicting her.

“Fuck,” he muttered. Crawling back under the sheets, he pulled her into his arms again. Her shaking died down to a slight tremor and her breathing calmed. He could feel her muscles relax and her body naturally curled around him, seeking comfort.

I would kill Orin all over again for what she did to you.

He gently tucked hair behind her ear before he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

I’ll be here, my sweet.

***

The next few days were a blur for you as the others came in and out, seeking allies in the fight ahead. You overheard something about a prison break, fighting an undead dragon, and another prison break, but underwater. You saw Wyll’s father weakly entering the Elfsong, and staying with everyone while he healed.

You heard that Gale had gone to talk with Mystra, and after a long talk with Shadowheart, he had decided to give the crown to the goddess in exchange for getting the orb out of his chest. 

So many plans were coming to fruition, alliances sought and won all across the city, and the pile of loot was ever growing. At least it kept you busy. You were physically healthy, but… 

Sometimes your mind would scream, and you fought down the madness with all your might, despite your urge to scream along with it. 

To your surprise, Astarion stayed with you the entire time, touching you whenever he could. The madness that Orin had inflicted upon you still lingered in the back of your mind, but you managed to force it down, even though you sometimes had to stop and fight the echoes in your head. It was at those moments that Astarion would pull you into his arms, touching your skin, his cheek pressed against yours, telling you to take deep breaths, and that he was here with you.

You recognized the looks some of the others gave Astarion, as if he was being too protective and overbearing, but you knew that it was because they didn’t know the extent of the damage you had taken, and he had not shared with them your empathic abilities.

“Should I tell them?” you asked one night when the two of you were alone.

“It’s up to you,” he replied. “I wouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “It’ll invite more questions. And it’s not like you’ve used it to do any harm. No need to mention it.”

For the time being, you decided not to tell them.

On the fourth night, when the others came up to Astarion, asking if he’d fed recently, even volunteering to watch over you while he went out to hunt, he refused. You realized that it had been days since he had fed. He refused to feed from you while you were healing, and he hadn’t left your side. Your attacks during the day had gotten less intense, so you figured you could handle Astarion being gone for a few hours.

“It’s alright, go hunt,” you told him.

“Excuse us a moment,” he said hastily to the others before pulling you outside, up to the roof.

“What are you doing?” he demanded once he confirmed that no one else was around.

“You haven’t eaten in days.”

“I can handle it,” he said. “You, on the other hand, can’t handle being without me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, growing irate.

“Something might happen while I’m gone,” he replied.

You realized that you had been kidnapped twice in just as many weeks while Astarion had been away. “Let one of the others watch over me while you’re out hunting,” you replied. “Surely I won’t be kidnapped again with everyone on guard.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said, stepping closer to you. “I meant your… attacks. Whatever Orin did to you, it’s lingering.”

You shrugged. “It’s getting better. I can handle it.”

When he looked at you quietly for a little bit too long, you had a hunch. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

He held out a hand to you. You took it and felt his anxiety, thrumming like the vibrations of a lute’s strings. “If I don’t hold you at night, you start to shake and”—he stopped himself, shrugging helplessly with a sad look on his face—“I can’t leave your side, knowing that you’re fighting something like that inside of your head.”

You blinked. “Is that why you haven’t left?”

He nodded.

You let out a sigh. “So it’s worse at night, when I’m sleeping and unable to mentally protect myself,” you muttered. Looking up at him, you tapped his chest lightly with the back of your hand. “So go hunt during the day. You’re not going to be able to take care of me if you’re weakened.”

He tipped his head as he stared at you, contemplating your reasoning. “You have a good point,” he finally conceded. “But if you feel so much as a slight shortness of breath, you had better tell me.”

“I never pictured you as a worrywort. You’re starting to sound like Gale,” you teased.

Astarion’s face wrinkled with disgust. “Ugh. Alright. You’ve convinced me. I’ll go hunt in the morning.”

Returning to the others, you sat down in the main area and accepted the dinner plate that Gale handed to you. 

Should I tell them about my ability? 

You pondered while you ate, listening to the conversation around you. It sounded like they were going to storm Gortash’s base tomorrow and get the last netherstone. After that… would be the Netherbrain. They were almost there. Save the city, save themselves.

No. They don’t need to know. They have enough on their minds.

The rest of the night passed with battle plans and an early rest.

***

“Go.”

“Are you sure—”

“They’ll need all the help they can get,” you insisted. “Seriously. I can handle it. I promise.”

Astarion stared at you for a few moments more before finally nodding. “Fine. You had better keep your word.”

You grinned. “When have I not?”

He raised an eyebrow at you, but then he gave you a seductive little smirk before leaning in and whispering in your ear. “If you don’t, I’ll have to punish you, darling.”

“Astarion!” you said, feigning offense.

Giving you a knowing smirk, he left with the others, but not without one last look at you, his eyes clearly scanning you for any symptoms. You shooed him off, and as the door closed, you went back to the bed and curled into a ball, breathing heavily and deeply.

“Fuck, I hate lying.”

You weren’t entirely lying. It was getting better with each day. But you still had those attacks, and one had just happened to occur right as everyone was leaving. You had managed to hold it in just long enough to get them all out the door, but now that they were gone, and while the camp guests were still resting, you could hide in your bed and just breathe.

After about ten minutes, you rolled out of bed, mostly good as new, just sweaty from your mental battle with the remnants of Orin’s insanity.

You spent the day sorting through the pile of loot and the pouches of alchemical supplies that the others had brought back while you were recovering. The potion supply had run low, so you also began to make potions.

It was mid-afternoon when Karlach returned all alone. She paced in front of the fireplace, muttering and wringing her hands. You quietly stayed out of the way, making sure she didn’t burn anything by accident, until she finally slumped down to her knees and put her face in her hands. You heard tremulous breaths, followed by a lot of deep, slow sighs. When even those quieted down, you slowly approached.

“It’s not fair,” she muttered as she turned to face you, a melancholy expression on her face. “I thought I’d feel better, after killing Gortash.” She stared down at her hands. “But in the end, I’m just going to die anyway.”

Your heart clenched. Hesitantly, you reached out and touched her arm, prepared for her emotions. At least, you thought you were. The despair hit you hard, bringing tears to your eyes. How could she stand it?

But you looked at your friend, who had begun to smile. “But would you believe it?” she asked in a hushed voice. “Being here, right now, alive… I’m actually happy?”

You could feel a fluttering of hope in her heart, like the soft beats of a butterfly’s wings. “I believe you,” you said softly, sharing her smile. “Despite everything, you’re here now. And we’ll be here with you for as long as possible.”

She opened her arms. “Hug?”

“Of course,” you said, hugging her tightly. You could feel the heat beneath her skin, pulsing more hotly than ever before. She was still touchable, but just barely. Closing your eyes, you felt for the lines of power around her engine.

Odd. It’s almost as if there’s a line missing…

Pulling away from her, you nodded towards her chest. “Can I try something… on your heart?”

Karlach nodded and gave you access.

You imagined a wet towel, cold and refreshing in the summer heat. Singing a song similar to what you used for her tent, you weaved a light blue web and wrapped it around her engine, hoping that it would bring at least a little bit of relief. You finished the spell and the lines of the spell sank into the metal.

“Oh?” Karlach touched her chest and took a deep breath. “I feel… a bit better!”

“Thank goodness,” you breathed. “I was afraid I would accidentally freeze it too much.”

“No, no, this is great! I… I feel like I can go on!”

In her excitement, you could feel the strands of your spell snapping under the pressure. “Wait, wait, calm down, Karlach. This is only a temporary relief. The spell is already starting to snap apart.”

She nodded and took another deep breath. “All right. Got it.” Then she smiled at you. “Thank you for trying.”

You hugged her again and felt her emotions in full force: her despair that she was desperately pushing down and her determination to live out whatever time she had with no regrets. 

“My strong, sweet friend,” you whispered.

She told you everything that happened on the way to fighting Gortash, and wrapped up her story just as the others returned.

“Feeling better?” Wyll asked as he immediately headed for Karlach, touching her shoulder.

She nodded, and the two of them smiled so softly at each other that you quietly snuck away to look for Astarion. You were surprised to see him looking a little down. He held out his hand to you.

Delicately placing your hand in his, you felt a somber emotion, humming quietly in his heart. You gently cupped his cheek, watching him close his eyes and lean into your touch. 

“I’m still thinking about Karlach. About what she said,” he murmured. When you tipped your head in confusion, he paraphrased for you. At the end, he frowned. “Gods. There really is no justice in the world.”

You could feel his sympathy, and it aligned with yours. “There has to be a way to find a cure.”

He shrugged. “I hope so. For her sake.” Then he blinked and looked at you. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” you replied truthfully. 

Astarion nodded, taking your hand from his cheek and moving it to the inside of his elbow, escorting you back to the others. “I believe you, even though you lied to me this morning.”

Your jaw dropped. “How did you know?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You seriously think I can’t tell when you lie? You were sweating and your cute little pulse was practically jumping out of your neck.”

You sighed. Of course he could tell. “Good to know,” you muttered.

***

One last night together. They had all three netherstones. They had gathered their allies. Tomorrow, your friends would go off to face off with the Netherbrain. It was all or nothing.

After a nourishing dinner that you personally cooked, adding herbs that would increase their strength and energy, the others prepared their weapons and got ready for bed. You finished helping to mend everyone’s armor and clothing and finally called it a night, crawling behind Astarion as he sat at the edge of the bed, cleaning his daggers.

You wrapped your arms around him and lay your head on his shoulder.

He turned his head toward you. “Are you alright?”

“I… I want to go with you.”

You heard him set down his dagger and rag. Then he turned his whole body towards you.

“No.”

“But—”

“You must stay here.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but behind his vehement glare was something else. You touched his hand.

…fear…

“Why are you afraid?” you whispered.

His frown changed to a sad, helpless expression. “I… I can’t fight to my fullest if I’m distracted by… by what could happen to you.” He held your hands in his and brought them to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “I just want you safe.”

“You do realize that if you lose, nowhere is safe.”

“Yes, yes, it will be all tentacles and blood.”

“So let me help.”

He still shook his head. “You don’t have the battle experience,” he argued. “Look, I know you want to help, but you have to trust us. Trust me.”

You closed your eyes. Should I go anyway? No, let's be real. I can't fight. I can barely defend myself. Opening your eyes, you met his gaze. “All right. I won’t join you. But you better return.”

“Of course, darling.” He brought you in for a soft kiss on your forehead. “We still haven’t consummated our relationship, after all.”

“Astarion!”

He chuckled before gazing at you with adoring eyes. “My heart.”

Damn him and his charm. You couldn’t resist. You pressed your forehead against his. “My star.”

“You’ll be here when I return, right?” His voice sounded confident, but you could feel apprehension in your touch.

“Of course. I’d never leave you alone.”

He smiled and let out a small sigh of relief, nearly imperceivable if you weren’t also sensing it. “I’ll hold you to that,” he whispered.

***

While he was loath to leave his lovely witch, Astarion had to test her mental state. Once she was sleeping soundly, he pulled away from her, keeping a bit of distance as he watched her sleep. 

She frowned and shuddered, but she didn't curl into a ball. Her body tensed for a few moments, but then relaxed again. 

She wasn't entirely lying, I suppose. 

He lay back down next to her and watched her breathing for a little while longer before he went back to his trance state. 

***

Your companions left, armed to the teeth, ready to face their destiny. They told you to lock the room and hide along with Shadowheart’s parents. You nodded, told them you’d defend them if push came to shove, and sent them on their way.

The sounds of the battle raged around the city, but you stayed inside as they told you, your dagger on your belt. Arnell stayed alert, watching for any intruders, while Emmeline rested quietly.

Your seal suddenly began to pulse hard as you were kneeling in front of the fireplace, mending a pile of clothes. Heading to a window, you peered outside. The mind flayers were being pushed back, felled by anyone with a weapon. In the distance, out above the upper city, you saw the Netherbrain shudder and begin to veer toward the river. 

You closed your eyes and focused on its trajectory. 

Where are my friends? 

In your mind's eyes, you could see a spectrum of colored strands leading towards the docks.

You quickly grabbed your pack and stuffed it full of healing potions. Telling Shadowheart’s parents that you were headed out, you ran outside, dodging all the chaos and mayhem. When you finally reached the docks, you could see your friends standing at the end of one of them, the impact from the Netherbrain causing impressive waves. 

You started to call out to them, but stopped when you saw a mind flayer with them. Quietly, you walked up to them to listen. By context, you figured out that the mind flayer was, in fact, Prince Orpheus! You heard Lae’zel take on the duties of leading the rebellion, heard the prince argue for his own death by her hand.

“...Give me my freedom from this form, release my soul to the Astral Seas while I still have one to call my own.”

Lae'zel held Orpheus’ dagger, her expression sad, yet determined. 

“Wait!” you cried out, surprising the group with your presence. “There has to be another way.”

“I won’t become ghaik!” Orpheus declared emphatically.

 Lae’zel turned her gaze at you, her emotions complicated.

You came closer to him and gently reached out to touch his hand. The screaming inside of his mind was piercing, making your temples pound. How was he withstanding this? And yet…

Through the screaming, you could hear a pattern. You hummed a simple tune, countering the high pitched wails with a low harmony that balanced the sound.

Orpheus stared at you. “How are you doing that?”

“What is she doing?” Lae’zel asked.

“The screams… are quieter,” he said in astonishment.

“You may not be able to return to your people,” you said carefully. “But don’t you want to see this to the end? Don’t you want to witness their return?” You came close and knelt down to look Orpheus in the eyes. “Don’t you want to be there to provide guidance if they ask for it?”

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, deep in thought. 

“I can teach you this song, to subdue the screams,” you added. You hummed it again, a simple set of notes that he easily followed.

After a few minutes, he quietly spoke. “Perhaps you are right. I may not be the one to lead my people, but I can still bear witness to their glory.” He stood. “I shall find a place for myself in a corner of these realms, for even in darkness, the stars of Tu’narath will shine upon me.”

Prince Orpheus turned to leave, but he looked back at everyone. “You have all been worthy allies.” He nodded his head at you specifically. “I will take your words and your song with me.”

You watched him walk away, hoping that he would eventually find a path forward that would lead him back to his people. Lae'zel called for the red dragons, and as she mounted one of them, she looked at everyone in turn, her eyes finally resting on you. 

“I will not forget our time together. I have learned much, and will use our experience in the future.” She was silently pensive for a moment before she continued. “I am grateful. And I will miss all of you.”

She flew away, a new mission, a new journey across the planes. Your seal tingled in time with the beat of the dragon's wings. 

We'll see each other again, surely. 

As you turned back to the others, you noticed that Karlach had backed away from the group, and was now kneeling at the end of the docks, staring out into the water, clutching a hand to her heart. She was clearly in pain, and the flames around her were growing bigger with each passing moment.

“Karlach!”

You ran to her, touching her arm. The infernal fire was burning hotter and hotter, and you pulled your hand away from her skin with a hiss of pain.

“I can’t… I can’t go back…”

“But you’ll die!” Wyll said, who had joined you, kneeling beside her.

The smile she gave absolutely broke your heart. “I’d rather die free than be trapped in Avernus again.”

No! You reached out and placed your hand over her heart. “I can’t… I can’t let you die!” you cried out desperately.

Taking a deep breath, you sang. Cages of metal, chains of mithril, lining of ice, shields of cold, you sang and sang as your magic reinforced the insulating chamber that Dammon had made, becoming a self-cooling object, powered by the very infernal heat it produced. Closing the loop on the magic rune, you finished the song with hardly a breath left in your lungs.

“It… it worked!” Karlach looked at you in awe. “I think you fixed it!”

You shook your head. “Only for now. The rune will have to be renewed at some point, but I poured a lot of energy into it, and it feeds off itself to some extent.” On shaky legs, you slowly stood. “You’ll have to find something more permanent some day.”

“Still, that’s better than—” she stopped. “You don't look good.”

Your heart was beating fast, and you felt faint. Taking a few steps back, you bumped into Astarion, who stepped around you so he could look at your face.

“Darling?”

“I’m fine—” 

Your seal burned hotter than it ever had before. You fell to your hands and knees and screamed in pain. You reached for your back and tore at your shirt, exposing your seal to the cool air. It didn’t help much.

Astarion tried to touch your back, but he pulled his hand away quickly, his skin smoking.

“What… what is happening?” you cried. You felt as if your skin was being sloughed off, the burning sensation spreading from your seal to the rest of your body.

“Your seal is cracking,” he said. Astarion tried once again to touch you, but his hand burned with the effort.

“Don’t touch me!” you yelled. “You’ll only hurt yourself!”

He pulled away, fear in his eyes. Fear for you. Then he frowned and turned to the others. “Help her, dammit!”

Everyone else had gathered, trying to figure out how to help. Shadowheart tried all kinds of healing spells, but none of them worked.

Finally, finally, the pain began to wane and you could breathe again. You slowly stood up, and everyone stared at you in awe.

You looked down at yourself. Your clothes were burned at the fringes, your skin the same golden hue as when you had transformed. Your hair had burned away the ribbon that had held up your loose bun, so it flowed around you like flickering flames, the color of the setting sun.

“Are my eyes glowing?” you asked, and you were shocked to hear the sound of your own voice. It was as if it was inherently more melodic, like three layers of your voice coalescing to one.

You felt… powerful. You looked out at the horizon, the sun beginning to set, and felt like a new beginning was in store for you. The seal was gone, that tingle that used to be only on your back was now coursing throughout your entire body. The power…

Wait. The sun.

You quickly turned to Astarion and grabbed his face.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his eyes wide in surprise.

“I… I can protect you from the sun.” You began to sing, almost desperately, the words coming to your mind quicker than you could get them out of your mouth.

A silver web began to form around Astarion, and slowly, each section of the web filled in with a bluish-silver film. Each lyric filled in another section, but there were so many, so very many…

A loud thunderclap went off near you, but you didn’t look. You were so focused on weaving your spell that you didn’t realize anything was happening until you were yanked away from him, as if an invisible hand had grabbed you and flung you out toward the sea.

***

It all happened like a flash of lightning. She was here. She was just here. And then she was torn away from him, thrown over the dock, over everyone’s heads, and into the sea. But there was no splash. Only a strange portal closing so suddenly that there was no chance of anyone following.

Everyone else was calling out her name, as if she would re-appear, just like that, and tell them all, just kidding, it was a joke.

Astarion fell to his knees. He felt so, so numb.

Somewhere, far away, he could hear people yelling at him to get up, to get away from the dock. He felt Karlach picking him up and dragging him away, felt Shadowheart healing his wounds (I’m wounded?), saw Gale cast Darkness above him as they took him inside the closest building to hide him from the damned sun.

But it all seemed so far, far away.

***

“He’s in shock.”

“No shit.”

“I don’t blame him. I can’t believe she just… disappeared.”

“Astarion. Astarion!”

A slap to his face didn’t seem to work. A second one did. He stared at Shadowheart, who had grabbed him by the collar, her hand raised to slap him once more. 

He pushed her away. “Enough!”

Shadowheart stepped back gracefully, and glared down at him. “Are you back?”

Letting out a tired breath, Astarion nodded before leaning his head against the wall. He looked at the others from his seated position and realized that they had taken him somewhere dark, with no windows. “...Thank you.”

Gale patted his shoulder, and while he’d normally be annoyed, he didn’t have the energy. He even felt… a bit appreciative? 

Gods, she’s gone.

A wave of despair crashed over him, but he pushed it aside. Hope was not yet lost. “So how do we find her?”

Everyone was deep in thought.

Jaheira and Halsin looked at each other for a moment, and Astarion immediately caught their glances. “What is it?”

“We need to go back outside to make sure. We’ll be back,” Jaheira said before she and Halsin walked away.

Minutes felt like hours, but they returned soon enough.

“We think we know where she is,” Halsin said. He paused, glancing at Jaheira.

Astarion stood straighter. “Well? Spit it out.”

He sighed. “She's probably in the Feywild.”

No one said a word for a few moments as they chewed on the theory.

“Most fey crossroads malfunctioned after the Spellplague,” Gale muttered. “How was there one here in a major city, unbroken?”

Jaheira shrugged. “Sometimes one will appear and reappear in relation to some kind of cycle. This crossroad was probably one of those. Probably.”

“Probably?” Astarion asked incredulously. 

Halsin nodded. “Given that we don’t know how to access it nor where it leads, we should wait for her to return.”

“Or we can search for another fey crossing somewhere and look for her,” Karlach said.

Both druids shook their heads.

“That is not a good idea,” Halsin replied. “It is easy to lose your way and never return. And time works differently there. You could enter for only a few minutes and come out a year later. Or worse.”

“You could miss each other by weeks, or decades,” Jaheira added. “I agree with Halsin. Better that one party stays in a stable location instead of two parties trying to circle around the Feywild looking for each other.”

Astarion could hear the logic in their words, see the reason in their conclusion. But he felt lost.

Shadowheart patted his shoulder. “She’ll find her way back. After all, she still needs to feed you.”

He looked at her. “So am I supposed to just sit around and wait for her?”

“Pretty much, yes.”

Hanging his head between his knees, he shut his eyes and willed himself not to panic. Who knows when she’ll be back. If she’ll be back.

“There’ll be plenty to do around the Gate,” Wyll said. “And those spawn you released may need some guidance.”

“He’s right. Do something nice, impress her when she returns,” Karlach said, giving him a light punch.

“Don’t you believe in her?” Shadowheart asked, daring him to say otherwise.

A small smile tugged on the corner of his lips. Of course she’ll come back. She wouldn’t leave me alone. She promised. Through the despair, he felt a glimmer of hope. 

Perhaps I could do something while I wait.

----------------------------------------

Act III, Chapter 4 End notes: Oh snap, did any of you expect that? Did I surprise any of you with that twist? Or did you see it coming a mile away? Let me know in the comments what you think happened to her!

Tags List: @numblytemporary @xalphafox @avitute @stormyjane7 @kmoon21

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 724: After the qualifiers

Pag 1

1: Yeah

It suits you!

2: You knowk, a robbon with summer clothes...

Where should we go have lunch?

3: No, Naruko-san was like this, teh!

The way Imaizumi-san was swinging his bike was incredible too!!

4: He was so much faster than during practice! It felt like he was flexing and bending his huge body!!

5: Naruko-san's low posture and speed was like a rocket, teh!!

6: Ahhh... that race made me lose my mind

Yeah... it was super hard, but....

Pag 2

1: That was really....

Pag 4

1: Overwhelming, teh!!

Pag 5

1: Yeah!!

“The Inter High representative is decided”

“It's Sohoku high school....”

2: It was so cool, teh...!!

Yeah!! Yeah!!

But for a moment I thought Imaizumi-san would win

That's because Naruko-san was mere seconds behind Imaizumi-san and so he was protected from the wind and could rest his legs

Huh!? Really!? He did  sucha thing while running at that speed?

3: I don't really get it, but as expected from the winner of the first years' race!!

Well, yeah!! Yeah, I won

Pag 6

1: “You brokethrough the qualifiers, now next is the national competition”

“Congratulations, Roku-chan”....

“Amazing”....

2: I thought of calling out to him, but

It looks like he's getting along well with Kinaka

3: I kinda wanna jump in on their conversation

Yeah....

And the interview after that, too!

Yeah, but tyhe stage and thye mic...

5: We'll watch over him?

Yeah, alright

Pag 7

1: Roku-chan, who got there before us

….. yeah

4: The dream of participating in a national competition

5: Let's do it, somehow, in the next two years

…. yeah

Pag 8

1: Huuuh.. !?

A training camp!?

2: Starting from early next week

We asked you to come here during lunch break to prepare for that

On... what a fresh reaction!!

3: We have to load a lot of things in the car!

Ehhh.. isn't the training camp held here?

4: It's so fresh indeed, first years are so cute

It's a certain place

Where will we go? Yeah, where are we going, teh

5: And the practice menu is hell....

Pag 9

1: Nii-chan!! Nii-chan

Ah, you're right, you're right

2: I'oll tell the first years, so please don't tell them – they'll be like “huh- 1000km!?”

Every year, hearing the first years' reaction is the climax haha

Got it, got it- “every year”?

3: It's a secret

4: Ohhh... it's going to last four days?

It says we have to0 run 1000km

How much is 1000km?

5: Whose are those leaflets?

Ah... Onoda-san made them so it would be easy to understand... so he said

Ehhh

Sorry.... Kaburagi

Pag 10

1: Can you come to the training camp?

Danchiku

Pag 11

3: You've been following a different practice menu these days, and even though you say” I'm fine, it's nothing” when I ask you...

4: What are you talking about?

You didn't even come to the qualifiers

5: That's because I had to look after the other first years' practice...

It's been bothering me for a while

6: That.... that's just.... ah, in just a short while...

It's just muscular pain!! So I asked Onoda-san for a different practice menu

How long is a short while

Pag 12

2: “Since after last autumn's race on Minegayama”

“My joints have been hurting”

3: Well, you know... not that much

4: This is the price.... for sure

5: Even though I practiced

6: Because somehow I ended up winning

Pag 13

1: In a big tournament that attracts the attention of the prefecture!!

And moreover, against Hakogaku's Shinkai Yuuto....!!

2: But maybe it's going to heal soon

It'll heal heal soon

3: The pain is fading!!

Mybe it's going in a good direction!!

4: Danchiku.... that “muscular pain”

5: My bad feeling about it started last year

6: After the race on Minegayama

Issa!!

….!? Issa's intuition, more than anyone....!!

Pag 14

1: Onoda-san said that they'll choose the definitive team members at the training camp

If you don't come to the training camp you won't become a member for sure

3: If you come and don't run, it's the same

5: In Team SS... our “special strong” wqas aiming for results in the Inter High

Pag 15

1: Next yeaqr it'll be too late because I'pll become captain and be busy

Cap.....

He'll become captain?.... he alreqady decided.... on his own accord?

To run freely in the Inter High, it has to be this year!! As second years

It can only be this year!!

2: And also, I can't do it alone

6: The reason for you bad condition

Go to the hospital and get it checked

7: And come tell me the results right away!!

Pag 16

1: See ya

2: Issa!!

5: I'll come to the training camp!!

I'll stand on the start line and run together with you!! That's my intention!!

Pag 17

1: I'll do everything I can!!

No matter what the final result is!!

3: Thank you, Danchiku. I wanted to hear those words today

4: Do your best

7: Issa.... I.... I already went so many times to the hspital

Pag 18

1: But I was told that “it's nothing”

2: It should be nothing, but I feel so uncomfortable on my bike, and I don't have much time

My body, too

3: I feel a dull pain

4: So I feel helpless.....!!

Pag 19

2: On!! Teru- nii-chan!!

3: I don't really understand math, help me please

6: Pfui

7: 49.... 50....

Pag 20

1: Yeah, math? Alright, Sadatoki

The training camp is close, so....

2: With bikes, you have to hold the handles, so the strength in your upper body is also important

All skillful cyclists can use their upper body well

3: The team members will be chosen during training camp, so I have to do what I have to do

In order to become the sixth member

4: The sixth....!!

He's sweating so much.... on

5: I'll run with Imaizumi this year

It's the last Inter High after all

[bangtaninborderland]

JHS- Twisted Feelings (11)

Summary: After working at an award show for 2 years everything had become normal, idols were no longer exciting to see, performances became dull and every day blended together, that was until an unexpected man asked for your help.

Genre: idol!hope × fem!reader, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers, ongoing series

warning: medical emergency (heart attack), mini panic attack?

A/n: I have no idea where this came from I started writing it on Father’s Day, so anyway enjoy. It’s a mess but it’s cute.

Ch.10| Masterlist | Ch.12

The week had passed fairly quickly, but tiring still. You were thankful when you weren't called into work, your first full day off.

A part of you knew that staying home, writing and planning whatever you needed for upcoming lessons would have been the responsible thing to do on the other hand, the other part of you craved time for you so in the end you decided to do the next best thing- visit home.

The journey to your parents house was often quite and quick, today was no different.

That was until you walked into your childhood home to find your your father laying across the hall, seemingly still.

You rushed to his side checking for a pulse as you quickly dialed for an ambulance.

You were relieved when you felt a rhythmic, albeit faint, pulsing strapping you of the worry he had died.

The ambulance arrived within a matter of minutes, hauling him onto a stretcher and into the back of the ambulance before offering you a ride to the hospital.

You sat in the seat by the back doors watching silently as they hooked him up to a machine, more wires than you could count coming from his unconscious body. You had so many questions and on the Inside you were sure that you were screaming however on the outside you couldn't move, paralysed by fear for the man you called dad.

The flashing lights and rush to the hospital told you it was something serious, you knew it was something serious even more so when the nurse asked you to sit in the waiting room before rushing off to assist with the situation.

You felt cold as you dialed your mothers number, hearing the worry flood the line as you explain the very minimal information you had. She had said she was at work but would be at the hospital within the hour or however fast traffic would allow.

Your next call was to Na-Rae, not wanting to be alone you called her twice before she picked up, giving you some reassurance before being requested to join a meeting by her boss, of course she was at work. It was lunch time on a Friday, everyone was at work.

The sterile smell and white walls provided you no comfort as you sat watching the clock, jumping at every sound only to check and see if anyone was coming to deliver you news only to sot back in defeat after realising they were not.

You had watched the clock for twenty five minutes before you felt your phone buzzing, without looking you answered.

“Eomma?”

“Sorry wrong person.” Usually Hoseoks voice was once you had come to like, the happiness he embodied bringing light to your day but not today.

“S-sorry I can’t talk right now.”

He must have heard something in your voice that let him know you weren’t doing good. “Oh hey, Are you okay?”

Maybe it was the lack of support you had in that moment, maybe it was the adrenaline wearing off and fear setting in but either way you broke down the second he asked the question, light sobs flooding the line. “It’s my dad, I don’t know what happened.”

“Do you need help? Where are you?” He asked you could hear him moving as he spoke the familiar sound of the studio doors opening.

“I’m at Hanyang, he was just o-on.. he… I got there and he was on..on the floor.” You choked, finding it hard to catch your breath.

“Do you need me to come? I can get away for a while.”

“It’s busy, too - it’s just busy for you it’s okay it will be fine he is strong it will be fine my eomma is coming she will be here soon it will be fine he will be fine..” you rambled on, becoming breathless as tears stained your cheeks.

“It’s okay I know how to get around in a disguise. I can be there in 15. Keep talking to me okay? What happened exactly?” You heard a car door open and close, the ignition starting up indicating he was on his way.

“He was on the floor, i.. he…I was going to visit my parents but he was on the floor his pulse it was so.. so weak it was so weak I was scared he had died.” You felt like you couldn’t breathe, a weight on your chest preventing it.

“Take a deep breath for me okay? Let’s do it together? In for 3 hold for 5 out for 3 can you do that for me?”

“Oh okay.” You knew you were blubbering, your sons still interrupting your speech but you didn’t care.

“Perfect, such a good job, breathe in with me now”

1, 2, 3

“Now hold for five.”

1, 2, 3, 4, 5

“Now out for three.”

1,2,3

“Let’s do it again okay?”

You repeated the action, breathing in an out a few more times before you felt yourself calm. Once you did you finally took him in, noticing the blonde hair in replacement of his usual brown. Definitely a wig.

“You came?” The words came out as more of a question than a statement. “I- thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, this is where I was needed most. What about your eomma?” He asked, looking around to try and find the woman who was yet to arrive.

“She’s on her way there was work or something I couldn’t listen much.” You mumbled, unsure of he could hear you but also unable to bring yourself to care much.

“Ms. YN?” You both stood as you heard your name being called.

The nurse rushed over, a frown across her face only preparing you for the worst as you reached for Hoseoks hand, you hadn’t considered the action before pulling away only to have him reach for your hand again, squeezing with a necessary reassurance.

“Are you YN?” The nurse asked, more of a formality than anything else. Continuing after you have her a nod. “Your father has had a heart attack, it isn’t extreme in this moment but the doctors suspect he will need a coronary bypass. The doctor asked I come and give you an update but that’s all I have at the moment. We are going to do all we can. Is there anything I can get for you?”

“How-“ you stuttered utterly confused. “He is healthy, he doesn’t work too hard or sit around too much, he eats healthily. How could he have a heart attack?”

“As I said it’s still early stages we are going to be running more tests I just wanted to let you know as of now he is what we would deem in an area of safety. Is there anything else you need?”

“No I just- how long until I can see him? How long until the tests are finished?” You asked, voice raising in fear. If it wasn’t for Hoseoks touch you were sure you’d have had another panic attack by now.

“It could be a few hours yet, the second it’s safe to do so I will come and get you.” You knew she had told you everything she could do you simply bowed, giving her a small thank you before she rushed off just as urgent as she had come to you.

You stood in silence, staring at the mottled pattern on the white flooring. Hobi not making a move to remove his hand so neither did you. You felt numb, the tears rolling down your face didn’t stop but they were no longer some thing your were actively aware of. Everything just numb.

“Yn?” Hoseok called tentatively. “Are you okay?”

“My dad is never sick.” Was all you could say, memories of him chasing after you as a child flooding your mind painfully. “He cant die.”

“Hey.” He pulled you to face him, wiping off a tear from your chin. “He isn’t going to die, I’m sure he is strong and he has you and your eomma, the doctors here are good hyung came here a few years ago for a treatment and they were fast and efficient. The doctors will do everything they can. People survive these things every day. You can’t give up hope or let yourself become overwhelmed. It’s okay to shed your tears but don’t tear yourself because you’ll need all the strength you can muster.” His smile didn’t falter once and for some reason it only brought you more comfort. The realism of his words helping you to analyse the situation in depth, people do survive these things daily and having hope wouldn’t hurt. Your mother would arrive soon and she would need much more support than you did.

You were thankful for Hoseok.

You both sat back down, hands standing entwined. You wanted to ask if he was comfortable but you didn’t have the energy to, words seemed too far and few.

“YN?” You stood instantly at the sound of your mother voice, you ran straight to her, hand falling from hoseok as you embraced her in a hug. You both cried, leaning on each other for support as you guided her to the seat beside you. “What did that say?” She asked as you handed her some water.

“They think it’s a heart attack they are doing tests I don’t know much I was so scared he was- I - I never want to see that again.” You sobbed, Hoseok leaning around to hand you a tissue.

“Who are you?” Your mom leant forward to face Hobi whom had assumed a firm standing spot a few feet away.

He bowed to her before sitting down. “I’m a friend of YNs. I called and heard she was upset so I came to comfort her. If you’d like me to leave I will I just wanted to make sure Yn wasn’t alone.”

“Thank you for being here, I was worried she wouldn’t be okay here alone. You can stay.” Your mother replied, forcing a smile as best she could. Hoseok did just that and sat down.

“What’s his name?” Your mom whispered, leaning closer to you preventing hobi hearing.

It must not have been close enough because he cleared his throat. “I’m Hoseok.”

“Oh.” Your mom sighed, hand holding yours. Your mother introduced herself, insisting he called her eommani.

The conversation fell flat after that, only occasional asks from Hoseok if you needed anything to eat or drink. “I could do with a water, eomma do you need anything?. “

Your mother was a stark contrast to her usual self, the fear fixed to her features, the permanent eyebrow crease and red raw eyes only made you feel worse because there was nothing you could do to help her and there was nothing she could do to help you. “I’m okay. Please go with her.” Your mother looked over to hobi, whom only nodded back with a smile.

“There’s a vending machine down here.” He explained, his usuals politeness still showing as he held the door open for you. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ll feel better once I see him. I feel so bad Hoseok, I should have gone to see him sooner.” You were brought into a hug as you began crying again, uncontrollably so. “I feel so bad.”

“This isn’t your fault. You can’t tell if seeing him would have changed anything, you did as much as you could.” If you hadn’t been so upset you’d feel ridiculous about the way you were crying in from of him, you’d remember to tell him how grateful you were another day. “Let’s go and get that water okay?”

You nodded, bringing a hand up to whisk the tears away. “My mom knows who you are, she just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“That’s okay. I’ll tell her when we get back she doesn’t have to worry.” He pulled out some coins as you got to the vending machine, slipping them in before you could say anything. The waters dropping down the scute within seconds. “Here.”

“You really won’t get in trouble by the company for being here right?” You worried, for himself and partly for your job. “I wouldn’t want to get you into trouble.

He laughed, quietly as though not to disturb the natural silence of the hospital. “No, they don’t really care what we do in our private lives. As long as I don’t get seen doing something illegal then it’s fine.”

“So just no arson or murder, total normal activities for an idol.” You managed to choke up, his laugh a little louder this time.

“Unfortunately no.” He walked behind you as you headed for your seat, rounding to crouch next to your mom. “Eomma-nim?”

“Oh thank you Hoseok-ssi.” She took the water from his hands, thanking him once again before taking a sip.

“It’s okay, I wanted to say that you don’t have to worry about making me uncomfortable. I’m here as YNs friend, please don’t feel as though you have to monitor yourself to accommodate me.” You’d known from the day you met him that Hoseok was a great person, this only solidified that thought. The soft look on his face as he spoke to your mother only made you all the more grateful he was here in this moment.

“Thank you for being here and for being a friend to my daughter. I’ll try to be mindful to that, I’m still not up to all the news so forgive me if I speak inaccurate.” You felt a little better seeing the smile your mother wore. Hoseok went to open his mouth, stopping as the doctor approached you.

“Your father is awake, you’re welcome to see him if you’re ready?” He asked softly, looking from you to your mother.

“Eomma?” You asked, looking towards her as she nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes please take me to my husband.” She all but begged, pushing in front of you to follow the doctor.

You wanted so badly to jump on your father, hugging him until all felt right in the world but the abundance of wires connecting him to various machines prevented you so you settled for kissing him on the head. Whispering an I love you as he wrapped his hand around yours. Your mother copied you, resting as close as possible to the man as possible.

Your father had always been a strong man, he had carried you from the car or couch to your bed most nights, not just physically but emotionally. He rarely cried although he continuously encouraged your own emotions.

“Why is my daughter sad?” You choked a sob at his rough voice, you could hear the exhaustion in it.

“Just worried about you appa.” You smiled as best you could. “How do you feel?”

“I feel better now my lovely wife and daughter are here. Who’s that lurking by the door.” Even in this state your father was overly attentive.

“That’s hoseok-ssi you explained. A friend of mine appa, what have the doctors said?”

“Ah, I see.” He smiled. Looking towards your mother before smiling at you. “I’m okay for now. The doctor said I would need blood thinners but it was a relatively unserious heart attack. I was just being dramatic I wanted my daughter to come and see me”

“Appa!” You half cried and laughed. Squeezing his hand. “I’m here I’m not going anywhere.”

“That sounds everything but okay dear.” Your mother spoke, her eyes still red.

“The doctor said he would be back to explain it all better soon.” Your dad mumbled, brushing your hair from your face. “Your appa isn’t going anywhere for a very long time.”

“You scared us.” Your mother whispered, you felt her pain. It was the most terrifying moment of your life. “Im going to start making healthier meals, we will start taking walks. Those things are usually good right?”

Your dad sighed heavily. “Honey we can think about that later. For now I’m okay. Let’s wait for the doctor.”

“yn?” You turned to Hoseok who had come further into the doorway, you looked to your dad who only nodded back at you. You quickly let go of his hand, walking over to the rapper.

“Is everything okay?” You mustered hale a smile.

He nodded. “I’m okay, I just had a call there’s an issue at work.”

“It’s okay if you have to go, is there anything I can do?” You asked, wanting to pay him back for the kindness he had showed you.

“No it’s okay, I’m sure Hyung can fix it. It’s just a song not sounding right. I’ll tell Sejin-ssi what happened today, take the next few days with your family.” You wrapped your arms around him, the hug the only way you could thank him for not only being there but taking the time to put you first.

“Thank you so much for everything Hoseok. I promise to repay you in any way I can. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come today.”

He shook his head, hugging you back. “Don’t thank me, seriously.”

After a few minutes you released him from the embrace. “Let me know when you got to work okay?”

“I will. Take your time. You’re strong.” He gave you another smile before saying goodbye, you turned back wanting to be besides your dad for as long as possible.

Your mother mouthed a thank you to him, not speaking about the way he stood to watch you for a few more moments or the way his smile lingered on the corner of his lips as he eventually turned away.

That was none of her business.

[sekritjay]

Been the bad kind of busy for me, the kind that keeps me away from tumblr, one of the few ways I get something resembling social contact in my life for a couple of reasons

First is BG3 (thanks Moose!) - starting an honour mode playthrough but because I'd been playing with the more companions mod (for that juicy, juicy banter) it completely breaks the difficulty in half. A full party, even without Wither's Jaegering a dead body is capable of taking out bosses within a couple of rounds but honestly I feel like I'm only getting half a game if I'm only hanging around with three other degenerates.

At least with Honour Mode I do have to put in a token amount of thinking before I twin-Haste Lae'Zel and Karlach in to alphastrike Denver Gortex before he can summon Daddy in to give him a hand

Second reason I can't really be around is because on the 1st of January I took the decision to completely shut down the restaurant

It's taking me more than a month to disentangle all the legalities and administration of winding down a 40 year old business while trying to bat away all the creditors asking for money on top of doing things like redundancy payments. Only just untangled my electricity bill and I'm actully glad that's over because they wanted me to drop £8,000 to settle arrears instead of the 10% we eventually agreed upon. And somehow my gas company just shrugged and let the bill lapse instead of chasing me for it

Ironically and bafflingly, the most persistent debt chasers have been the music licence people and my credit control leasers - My bills for energy, water and redundancy payments came to just over 20k, of which I'm only really paying in full for the redundancies

For the music licence and CC lease? £300. They're sending the bailiffs over £300. I'm inclined to let them come since they'll be sending collectors to force me to hand over all the nothing that company is left with. They're certainly not legally able to come after my money and even if they were I can claim that taxes and the 'property lease' take legal precedence

My main concern however is personal. The money is... painful but ultimately all these people are after the company's money. There's a certain degree of apathy and clarity in knowing that the money men can't get me to sink any lower. No, in my case it's that fact that I've been involved in the family business in some capacity since I was 14 years old. 20-odd years, 12 in management, and six years doing 60 hours 7 days a week... and it ends with a whimper

How do I move on not knowing anything else other than this life? I don't know what I'm good at, nor where I could go. Don't know who to talk to, or what I could do next. I don't even know what weekends are for, or indeed really what else to do with all the time on my hands beause historically my time off.... wasn't

I really oughtn't put all my eggs in the Canada thing, but at the same time it's the only thing I've truly wanted in... over a decade I guess. Despite knowing it's a miniscule crumb of a chance. And I dread what would happen if it doesn't work out. Or indeed, if it does

FIrst steps is getting my unemployment benefit sorted. That'll be difficult since I was self-employed. Next would be to decide between getting a job, a career or scrape together some cash from... somewhere and go study... only I don't know what I'd like to do

Ffffffffssspspsppssss. At least tumblr is a sympathetic but disinterested ear to vent to. I honestly am clueless what to do

[shsy7573]

Quiet

Part two, by shsy7573

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time they saw Lance was 12:00 the next day. He dragged himself from his room after much prompting from the team that it was really time for him to wake up.

He didn’t look like he’d slept for seven hours. In fact, he looked like he’d barely even slept one. But when they asked him if he was feeling alright he smiled and insisted he was fine.

Because he was. Totally and completely fine. He’d gotten out of bed, and he was only feeling slightly weighed down by the quiet that followed every sound. That roared in his ears every time he stopped to take a breath.

And sure, it’d taken him three hours to pull himself out of bed. But he was still feeling just fine.

They didn’t have to worry about him. He never wanted them to worry about him. These were Lance’ problems and he could deal with them on his own.

He was fine. Even though he could only stomach two mouthfuls of food goo. Even though he could barely focus during team training. Even though his body willed him to do anything but be a contributing member of society. Even as he felt the quiet creeping up, and up, and up through his veins. He was fine.

He was always fine.

It was 15:30 when Lance went in search of something to drown out the quiet. He made the usual rounds.

First Hunk. But Hunk was busy, and Lance didn’t want to bother him. He didn’t even ask.

Then Pidge. But Pidge was crabby and he didn’t want to annoy her. He slipped out as she cursed insults at her game.

Then he found Coran and Allura. But they were reminiscing about Altea and Lance didn’t want to intrude.

Then he spotted Shiro and Keith. They were having one of their teaching, bonding, brotherly moments. Lance didn’t even announce his presence.

And through it all Blue called out to him. Begging him to talk to her. To let her in. To tell someone about the heaviness, the despair, the loneliness. To talk to her about the quiet.

But Lance refused. It was one thing to find others to distract him from it. It was another to tell them about it. To spread it to them like a disease. To bring them down with his own stupid bullshit.

And Blue would have it even worse, because they shared a mind.

So he refused, and he retreated back to bed.

-

The next day came by fast. Probably because he slept through the rest of the last one.

His mind woke up at 6:00. Lance couldn’t drag his body out of bed until 10:30.

He put on some moisturiser. Threw on some clothes, and left his room. With his hands in his pockets, he walked down to the lounging area, where everyone was already in full conversation about something. He watched for a few moments, not quite feeling up to joining in on the antics.

And then someone noticed him.

“Lance!” Hunk rejoiced, “you’re awake! We missed you at breakfast again, buddy.”

“And dinner.” Pidge added grumpily

And Lance did what he always did. He smiled. He smiled and waved as he stepped into the realm of socialisation.

“Yeah, sorry. I must be coming down with something, I keep falling asleep,” he lied.

“Well hopefully it’s not too serious. We’ve got that big infiltration mission coming up soon,” Shiro proclaimed, walking over and pressing a hand to Lance’s forehead.

“I’m fine, Shiro,” Lance said, batting the hand away, “I promise.”

The Black Paladin furrowed his brow, “if you say so.”

“Just don’t get the rest of us sick,” Pidge muttered.

Lance lifted his hands in surrender, “I’ll try my best, Pidgeon.”

Shouldn’t be that hard considering I’m not really sick.

But that seemed to be the end of the conversation, and Lance was thankful for that.

Until another one started. “Have you eaten yet today?” Shiro asked.

Suddenly a ping of hunger stabbed Lance in the gut, and he was painfully aware of the fact that he hadn’t eaten much at all in the last give or take 48 hours. Let alone this morning. He just didn’t have the stomach for it.

He shoved his hands in his pocket. They were shaking.

“I… yes?” He lied. It didn’t sound very convincing. He’d blame it on the weariness of hunger.

“Lance, you need to eat.” Shiro said. Lance sighed, looking at his feet.

“Why don’t you come with me buddy. I’ll make you something really good. I know that goo stuff isn’t the best when you’re sick,” Hunk placated. Wrapping an arm around Lance’s shoulder and leading him away.

“K,” was all Lance was able to reply. As they walked the quiet thickened. As Hunk sat him down the quiet thickened. As he left to prepare the food the quiet roared, suffocating him. Choking him with its intoxicating will to just give in.

His hands were quivering badly now, and he felt himself sweating cold. Forgoing food for so long may not have been the best idea.

When Hunk presented him his dish, Lance forced himself to eat it semi-normally. He didn’t want Hunk to think he didn’t like it. He did. He loved it. And he was hungry. He just didn’t feel like eating.

But he did. And he told Hunk it was good, which it was. And he felt some of his strength returning.

When he stood up he didn’t feel as wobbly, and he smiled at Hunk as they went to locate the others again.

But still, between every footstep and every heartbeat and every inhale or exhale of breath it was there. It was too much. And Lance pushed onwards, spurring Hunk into a ramble about his culinary genius. The way Hunk’s eyes lit up as he explained his passion for food made the quiet duller. Its grip is weaker. Its edge duller.

And Lance smiled more warmly.

He carried on through the day with a cloud shrouding his view of the world. And he tried his best to ignore the quiet. To focus on the small sounds. To not let it consume him entirely.

He forced himself to train.

He forced himself to do castle chores so that he didn’t sit with idle hands. Alone with his thoughts.

He forced himself to stay up and eat with the team, before retiring to his bedroom for the rest of the night.

-

The next morning, he pried himself out of bed at 8:00. Going to breakfast and shovelling food into his mouth.

The team split up, and Lance found himself once again in search of companionship.

It went about as well as the last time he tried.

He barely made it to lunch before retreating to his room.

He barely managed to force himself out of bed to eat supper.

He didn’t stay awake long enough to partake in the team’s movie night.

-

The next few days felt pretty much the same. Some days he’d get up early and face the day with a smog over his brain. Some days he’d hide away as long as possible before he felt he’d worried the team enough. Some days he’d train. Some days he’d seek out others. Some days he’d show up to evening meals with the team, and some days he’d go to bed in the afternoon and not emerge again until morning.

And then the day of the mission came up, and he forced himself out of bed at 5:00. They were supposed to leave at 7:30, so he had two hours to get his shit together.

He splashed water on his face, performed his skincare routine, threw on his Paladin uniform and headed downstairs for breakfast with the team.

He forced lumps of food goo down his throat. Put on the same old act of cocky, goofy, slightly irritating, humorous Lance.

He got into Blue, insisting over and over again to his Lion that he was fine.

And at 7:30, they set off, and Lance's brain snapped into mission mode. The quiet receded to the outskirts of his mind. Still there, but not enough to cloud his judgement.

They approached the Galra base from its blind spot. Sneaking up in the cover of the blinding rays of a nearby star.

They’d planned this out for weeks. They knew exactly what to do. They landed on the rings of the planet next to the base. Keeping their lions in the blindspot of the sun. Then, they all piled into the Green Lion, and snuck right up close to the ship.

Pidge dropped off the Paladins, along with some BLIP tech and Galra scanners before flying back to the planet’s rings to monitor the Paladin’s progress from a safe distance.

Hunk and Shiro tackled the first floor, aiming to find the base’s prisoners and set them free. Meanwhile, Lance and Keith made their way as stealthily as possible to the control room.

They were proceeding cautiously through a long, empty corridor when Keith turned to Lance, both their mic’s off, and started talking.

“Has there been something going on with you lately?” He asked. Looking over his shoulder, before lowering his voice even more from the mutter it was at.

“No,” Lance replied, lying through his teeth, “why?”

“I just… you’re not around as often. You don’t talk as much. You just seem less… yourself.”

Lance rolled his eyes, “I told you all I was getting sick didn’t I?” He questioned. Suddenly grateful for that lie. “I just gotta wait for it to pass. You don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna compromise the mission.”

“That’s not what I—“

“You guys have incoming!” Pidge whispered through coms, and the two Paladins both ducked behind the pillars on each side of the wall.

They listened as marching footsteps slowly approached from the direction they’d been coming from.

Lance listened to the sound, holding up his fingers and slowly, silently counting down from three.

When his last finger fell, he and Keith both jumped out from behind their cover, catching the sentries by surprise and disabling their control panels before they could scream for help. Not that they could, really. They were robots.

Keith and Lance continued on, locating the control room not long after that.

“Okay,” Keith whispered in his ear, “you take out the two on the right, I’ve got the big one on the left.”

“Copy,” Lance responded. He manoeuvred himself into position, waiting for Keith to signal their go.

That went as well as the altercation before. They incapacitated their opponents easily —or, as easy as it was to fight the Galra— and Keith walked over and inserted a small flash drive-esk thing into the panel. Pidge talked Keith through the process of downloading Galra data while Lance kept watch.

And as he stood near the entrance, coast supposedly clear, he began to feel heavy again as quiet surrounded him.

His shoulders slumped and his eyes scanned the hallway lazily. Nothing. No footsteps. No eyes. No lights. Nothing to focus on.

He couldn’t turn his microphone back on. He knew he’d get distracted by what was happening. He had to stay focused. He couldn’t give in to the need for an out right now.

But as it turned out, the quiet was just as distracting as the others, because he didn’t even realise the blast heading for him until Pidge called over the coms.

“LANCE WATCH OUT—“

A beam collided directly with Lance’s shoulder, and he was sent careening backwards. He landed on his ass, and lifted his bayard to shoot down the hallway at the figures approaching.

“Lance? You good?!” Keith asked, turning around.

The Blue Paladin forced his way-too-heavy-for-the-motivation-he-had-right-now body to its feet, and continued shooting at their oppressors.

“Yeah, I’m good. Keep doing your computer-y thingy” He hissed, but in reality he could feel pain radiating through his shoulder.

He ignored it, sending more beams of blue energy towards the Galran centuries.

One good thing about this base: the entirety of its population were robots. The only biometric signatures on the ship were that of the prisoners.

A couple more well aimed shots and the robots were deactivated. Lance breathed heavily, lifting his free hand up to press his shoulder. He winced, biting back a yelp. Probably dislocated. He could deal with that later.

“You guys alright up there?” Asked Shiro over coms.

“We’re fine,” Lance replied, though his breathy voice wasn’t super convincing. “Just got into a little spat. How’s the prison break going?”

“Good.” Shiro reported. “We’re just loading the last of them onto the escape pods now.”

As if having perfect timing, Keith turned around, holding a disconnected chip in his hand. “Good, then we’ll all meet at our exit point at the same time.”

And they did.

As they all swarmed back into the hull of the Green Lion, Lance was aware of the quiet. Nobody spoke, concentrating on evading the many Galran ships that were now patrolling the base.

He couldn’t take it.

“So… that was close, huh?”

“Lance, shut up! I’m trying to focus!” Pidge spat as she veered out of the path of an energy beam.

His mood sank again, “right… sor- AGH!” he exclaimed in pain as they made a harsh turn, and his bad shoulder was rammed into Keith’s elbow.

Light danced on the edge of his vision as white hot pain radiated from the area.

“Lance?! Are you okay?” Kieth asked.

Lance nodded. Gritting his teeth against the pain as he raised a shaky, unstable finger to his lips, before pointing at Pidge.

Keith gave him an exasperated look, but was forced to stay silent as the lion veered right again and he fought to keep his footing.

“Just a couple more minutes guys! Then I can turn the cloaking back on!” Pidge said as she dodged out of the way of another ship.

The entire hull shook as the Green Lion was hit. Hunk gripped tightly onto the wall, grabbing Shiro with his other hand before they could be thrown forward. Keith caught himself on the back of Pidge’s chair.

Lance was not so lucky. He was sent sailing over the top of Pidge’s chair and right on top of her lap. This many people in a Lion’s cockpit was definitely not safe.

“Lance!” Pidge screamed, kicking at him as she struggled to keep Green under control. “Get the hell off me!”

Her foot shoved him to the ground, and he couldn’t help the scream that escaped as he landed on his dislocated shoulder.

“My Cub! Hurt!” Blue fretted. He could hear her concern.

No, Blue, it’s fine I— “FUCK!”

He screamed in pain again as the ship lurched back and his shoulder was sent ramming into the bottom of Pidge’s chair.

He was trying to get up, but with only one hand and the ship being jostled around like crazy he didn’t think he could.

“Danger! I will protect!”

Blue, no! Stay— he couldn’t keep a proper train of thought Pidge kicked him away again. He’d managed to stand up, but fell on top of her again as the ship barrel rolled.

“Lance, stay off me!” She spat as she steered the ship sideways.

Lance’s back slammed into the side of the cockpit. He felt dizzy and disoriented. He wasn’t even sure where he was.

“My Cub! I’m here!”

“Blue no!” He shouted, voice raw with pain. But it was too late. Blue raced past the Green Lion, blasting ice at the surrounding ships.

But there were too many of them. Too many for a pilotless lion to take on her own. Sure maybe if he had time to concentrate and guide her, but he could barely get out two words before being flown across the length of the Green Lion’s cockpit!

“What’s the Blue Lion doing here, Lance?! This wasn’t part of the plan!” Keith exclaimed. Very much panicking.

But Lance’s mind was fogged with pain and he couldn’t hear anything over the sound of Blue’s cries as she tried desperately to save them.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Pidge exclaimed as now she was not only fighting to defend them, but Blue as well.

“Dammit! Blue! Get out of here, I’m fine!”

“No! Cub always say that! Not fine!”

“This time I am Blue, please! I promise! You’re just hurting yourself!”

“My Cub is hurt! I will protect! Hurt with you!”

“BLUE, DAMMIT I DON’T NEED—“

“LANCE, WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?!”

“There’s more of them!”

“We’re getting swarmed!”

“I can cloak now, but we need to get the Blue Lion out of here!”

“FUCKING HELL!” Lance screamed. He turned on his jet pack and finally, finally was able to right himself. Pain screamed down his entire arm and his head was pounding and despite all the yelling his head still felt so goddamn quiet!

“Pidge, line me up! I’m gonna eject over there and fly her myself!”

“You can’t! It’s too dangerous to go out there Lionless!”

“You got a better idea!”

“No, but that one’s stupid.”

“Well I am fucking stupid, so I don’t give a shit. Just do it!” Lance yelled. He didn’t leave much room for arguing as he made his way towards the ejection pad.

“Lance, I’m not doing it!”

“Pidge is right, it’s too dangerous!” Hunk agreed

“Lance, get your ass back here!” Keith demanded.

Lance hovered his hand over the eject button. “I’m gonna fucking press this, so if you want me to have a chance at surviving you’re gonna fucking line me up!”

Pidge let out a yell of anger, but she had no choice. She looped Green around, then aimed her towards the Blue Lion’s mouth.

Lance watched, waiting for the exact right moment.

“See you guys on the other side!” He yelled, ramming his hand down on the button and feeling his body being shot out into space.

For a couple, terrifying moments, he was surrounded by nothing but stars, Galra ship, and space lions. And then, Blue, in her desperation to save him, opened her mouth and collected him into her safe embrace. Sheltering him from the battle and from the screams of his friends who were 100% still arguing his decision despite it already being made.

Gritting his teeth as his shoulder pain intensified tenfold, he ran to his pilot chair, sat down, and began trying to get control of Blue.

“I made it!” He called over intercoms, barely caring to hear the response as he commanded Blue to action.

“Lance! Oh my god! When we get back to the ship I swear I am gonna fucking kill you!” Pidge screamed in his ear.

“Yeah well, let’s focus on getting back to the ship first, alright?!” Lance suggested, trying his best to dodge the fire of the Galra ships.

Pidge was screaming over coms, “how do you suggest we do that?!”

“You get cloaked and go to the other lions!”

“And leave you behind?!”

“I’ll be fine! I can evade long enough for everyone to get to their own lions and provide support! But none of us are gonna get out of here if you don’t hurry the fuck up!”

As if to reiterate his point, another shot landed on the Green Lion’s side.

Pidge growled in irritation, before responding. “Fine! Just don’t fucking die while I’m gone!”

And then the Green Lion disappeared, and Lance was all alone. It was just him, Blue, and the quiet.

And, of course, an entire Galra fighter fleet, but that's besides the point.

Lance was just starting to doubt that his plan would actually get him out of here alive when the rest of the Paladins returned with their lions.

He’d never been so happy to see the giant, metal, multicoloured lions in his life.

“Lance! Get out of there!” Keith yelled as he shot a fire beam towards some of the ships flanking Lance.

They fought together, and with all five of them, they managed to escape only slightly banged up and, by some miracle of the universe, alive.

Soon, the Galra base, as well as the ships, were out of sight.

And as they journeyed back to the castle, the quiet crept in once more. It settled over the static on the coms. Its presence the same as all the other times it had reared its ugly head. It was always the same. The same heavy feeling. The same unbearable silence. The same feeling of swimming through a river of molasses. Limbs heavy as the ocean.

“Lance.” Said someone over the coms as the Castle came into view. The tone was small, quiet. Lance wasn’t quite sure who it was, until they continued speaking and he recognised the familiar rasp of Keith’s voice. “That was… incredibly stupid.”

Lance didn’t reply for a moment. The quiet in the hull felt almost too difficult to penetrate with his own voice.

“I know.”

“You could have been killed.” Kieth continued.

“I know.”

Lance flew through the suffocating silence. His hands were definitely not shaking.

“Is your shoulder alright?”

“It’s fine.”

That was a lie. It hurt like hell, actually. But he wasn’t going to make the team worry any more. He hated it when they worried.

They returned to their hangars, and Lance forced himself out of the pilot seat. Slowly dragging himself down and out of Blue’s mouth onto the floor of the large room.

He commanded his feet to carry him towards the med bay. And was met halfway by the rest of the team. The very worried, very pissed off team.

He stopped as they appeared in the hallway before him, leaning on the wall as they made no move to let him by.

Pidge stalked forward first, face contorted was a mixture of concern, fear and anger. She punched him in the gut.

“What the hell was that! Fucking throwing yourself into space in the middle of a battle! Do you know how fucking idiotic that was!?! No- you know what- of course you do! You just get a kick out of giving us all a fucking heart attack, don’t you?! Fucking—“

And then she was hugging him. Wrapping her small arms around his body so tightly that he struggled to breath.

Lance couldn’t force himself to find humour in her fit, though. He was too strung out. His shoulder hurt, his brain felt like mush, the adrenaline of battle had subsided and, most importantly, he had fucking fucked up again. He had worried all of them so much. He had compromised the mission by not being able to keep his shit together, and tell Blue to stay the fuck where she was.

He couldn’t even bring himself to smile.

Shiro stepped forward and wrapped his arm around Lance’s very much shaking body.

“Why don’t we get you to a healing pod. We can talk about… all this after.”

Lance nodded mutely, and allowed himself to be guided silently to the med bay. The quiet clung to him like a wet blanket. No matter how many ways he twisted his mind, he just couldn’t pry it off him. He didn’t have the energy to try.

So, as he changed into the appropriate clothing for the healing pod, and stepped himself inside, Lance stopped fighting. He was going to be medically unconscious for at least half a varga, so he figured the quiet could have its way until then.

For now, Lance would let the quiet win.

Just until he had the energy to fight again.

-

Lance tipped forward as the healing pod slid open.

For a moment, he was free falling, and he didn’t have the energy nor the care to catch himself.

But then something else kept him upright.

The Blue Paladin looked up to see himself limp in the arms of Keith Kogane. For a moment, his mind didn’t register it. Didn’t register the vulnerability he was in. Didn’t care to do anything but stay there. Limp. Unmoving. Cold.

Quiet.

But then his senses caught up with him, and his face flushed, and he found his own feet supporting him as he pulled away.

“Keith?” He questioned, shocked.

And then he remembered.

“You—“ he looked behind Keith to the rest of the team, “you waited?”

“Of course we waited, Lance. We wanted to make sure you were okay.” Hunk said, coming forward and bringing Lance into his embrace.

“Oh… well, I’m fine.” Lance supplied, hugging Hunk back before pulling away again. The bitter cold fatigue of the healing pod coupled with the viper grip of the quiet as it coiled around him made him eager to push past whatever conversation they wanted to have and get to his room.

“Look, I know what I did was stupid, but there weren't a whole lot of options and I couldn’t get Blue under control until I was able to actually be in control. I’m sorry I scared you guys, but I knew what I was doing… mostly.”

His voice was flat. Monotone. Exhausted. It wasn’t Lance. Not like they were used to.

Shiro sighed, “It’s okay, Lance. I can tell you’re tired, and I’d rather not get into a whole lecture. How about we just let it go and move on, okay? I think that’s what’s best for everyone at this point.”

Lance nodded, very grateful despite his inability to express it. He couldn’t express anything right now. He was too cold. Too tired. Too numb.

He brushed past everyone, walking in a slow, mechanical gate all the way up to his room. He collapsed onto his bed, and curled up tightly in his assortment of blankets. Twisting his whole body between them until he felt every pocket of cool air snuffed out by their warm embrace.

The quiet made itself at home in the familiar confines of Lance’s bedroom. Lance didn’t give a shit.

He closed his eyes, ready to sleep off the events of the day, and move on with his life.

Sadly, he was aware that his brain wouldn’t allow him to just forget about it.

For now, though, it was nice to pretend that it could.

-

He got up at 8:30. And by up I mean up, out of bed, dressed. Lance was feeling stubborn today. Stubborn, and slightly terrified. He didn’t want to spend another day holed up in his room, with nothing but the quiet to keep him company. Because he hated the quiet. And even though moving through it was hard. Even though breathing in it seemed near impossible. He felt like he had to.

After yesterday, he had expected hostility. Irritation. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Every time he said something, or made a joke, or tried to participate, the others would look at him disdainfully. They would barely allow him to interact. Their worry from the day before morphing into anger now that he was for sure okay.

But Lance was feeling stubborn today. So when mealtime ended he stayed with Hunk, who went to the engine room to tinker.

The clacking of metal and scraps comforted Lance. He picked up a small, miniscule object and began rolling it between his fingers.

“Hey Hunk, what is this? It’s kinda squishy.” Lance asked, and to demonstrate he squeezed his fingers a bit to feel the compression of the material.

“Lance don’t—!”

The ball exploded in a brilliant ray of multi-coloured paint. Splattering the stuff all over him, Hunk, and the workspace.

Lance sat there for a moment, then smiled. “Paint bomb! Cool!”

Apparently Hunk didn’t think it was cool. At least, not when it was… everywhere. “Listen, Lance. Maybe you can— I don’t know, go do something else.”

His voice wasn’t… aggresive, but it was curt. Sharp. On edge.

And Lance felt heavy again. His shoulders sagged, and he got to his feet. “Oh… yeah, sure thing, buddy.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out of the engine room. The quiet lulled around him. Thick and suffocating, like the smell of ax body spray. Lance shook his head. He pushed through it. Trying to force it to let up, but it stayed. In all it’s soul consuming glory, it stayed.

So he ignored it instead. It weighed him down, but he pretended it didn’t.

He found Pidge next. He was nervous to talk to her. She was scary when she was pissed. But his fear of the quiet outweighed his fear of being yelled at.

Yelling was better than silence.

Anything was better that the quiet.

“Hey, Pidge?” he questioned, walking over as she preformed a roundhouse kick on the video game they’d got from the space small.

“Not now, Lance. I’m busy. Whatever you need help with, get someone else to do it.”

Lance shook his head. “I don’t need and help. I was just… I was just wondering if I could chill with you for a bit.”

His voice was casual, but hopeful. He begged her to say yes. He needed her to say yes.

“I— I’m not really in the mood right now.” Pidge stated, he saw the movements on her controller falter.

“Oh…”

Pidge paused the game, turning around to apologise. To say she just wanted some alone time after yesterday. She didn’t mean to be snippy with him. She was still more worried than irritated. But Lance was already walking away. His posture slumped. Defeated. Dejected.

Pidge stared for a moment, then hesitantly went back to her game.

Lance found Coran next, but he was running a high intensity diagnostics test.

“Sorry, I just don’t think you’re, uh… skillset is required for this. I’m afraid you’ll only get in the way.”

Lance sighed, his eyes downcast. He knew what Coran really meant. That he was too stupid. Too much of a fuck up to be anything useful.

“K.” He murmured, before leaving the Altean to his work.

He missed the man’s guilty, worrisome gaze as Lance walked away.

With every rejection the quiet grew stronger. Like it was a butter churn, and each person who turned Lance away sent another stroke through the substance. Letting the silence cake in his lungs.

Then he found Shiro and Allura. They were talking in the control room. He walked in, straightening ever so slightly, but not making any more effort to conceal his misery.

He couldn’t.

“Hey guys.”

They didn’t even look at him.

“Feeling better, Lance?” Allura asked, though her voice was curt. Like she wanted to reprimand him instead.

“Mhm,” he hummed, but didn’t do much more.

“We’re just working on the castle’s defense systems. Trying to find ways to improve them. Coran is downstairs right now running a diagnostics test.” Shiro explained. Though Lance could guess he wanted to be able to focus.

Lance looked back down, dropping his shoulders again. “I just saw him. Suppose my skillset isn’t required here either.”

“Afraid not. Not to worry Lance, we’ve got this under control.” Allura assured, though she wasn’t paying much attention.

Lance figured he’d find no escape from the quiet here. In fact, this room felt more clogged with the stuff than the rest of the Castle. So, Lance hummed, turned, and left the team leaders to their business.

As he walked he found the mounting emptiness grow heavier, and heavier still. Lance struggled to breathe. He felt his eyes watering, but there was no outward emotion behind them. No screwing of the face. No sobs. Just misted eyes and he hauled himself down the Castle hallways.

He needed an escape. He couldn’t let himself be taken over. He didn’t want to. He hated this feeling. He hated the quiet. He didn’t want it!

So, when he found himself knocking on Keith’s door, I guess he shouldn’t have been so surprised. Normally he wouldn’t bother the Red Paladin if he was alone in his room. He hardly bothered anyone when they were alone in their rooms. But especially not Keith.

Lance needed some noise, though. He needed the quiet gone.

So he knocked.

And he heard Keith yell. Not hostile. Just prompting. “What?!”

Lance stood there for a moment or two, leaning on the wall beside the door, bracing himself against it. Then, finally, he managed to fight the quiet. Just enough to utter one word.

“Keith?”

His voice was dry. Exhaustion seeping through as he stared at the door.

Behind the door the Red Paladin sighed, “what do you want, Lance?!”

Lance didn’t have a concrete answer. He just needed a distraction. He needed to be away from the quiet. He needed something.

But he couldn’t tell that to Keith. And Lance was done with the lying. He couldn’t lie, and pretend he was fine. Not today.

He just didn’t have the energy.

So he didn’t answer. Instead, he diverted. Asking, “what’re you doing?”

“Why is that any of your buisness?!” Keith snapped. Lance could tell he hadn’t come any closer to the door.

Lance sighed, leaning his head against the wall. More tears filled his eyes, and in that moment, he was just…

Done.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

He could tell he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Keith and he was so tired of trying.

Of fighting.

Of pretending.

So he shoved himself off the wall and started walking away. He made the short trip to his room (and by short trip I really mean short. Like a metre or two), tears slipping from his eyes as he began to walk inside.

He heard the tell tale sign of a door opening behind him, but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t even look back as he walked into his room and closed the door behind him.

The Blue Paladin flopped onto his bed and yanked his comforter around him.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

He was so sick of fighting.

The quiet was too much. He couldn’t get away from it. He never would.

Lance gave up. He was too tired. He fucking gave up.

And the quiet lunged in. Taking the hopelessness in his soul and milking it for everything it was worth.

-

Keith regretted his response immediately. He’d been in the middle of a good book. And I mean, a really good fucking book.

But even as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He didn’t want to snap at Lance, it just… sort of happened.

Guilt churned in his gut as he heard Lance sigh. It was a heart wrenching sound. So full of despair, and Keith couldn’t stand it.

He shoved a bookmark between the pages before tossing the book aside. The Red Paladin stood up and hurried to the door.

He opened the door just in time to see Lance retreating into his bedroom.

“Lance?” He asked. But the door to the boy’s room was already closed.

Keith didn’t know what to do for a moment. He stood there, feeling awkward. Out of place. Of all the people on the team, Keith was pretty sure he was the least equipped to deal with social situations like this.

On the other hand, Lance had seemed so… defeated. So resigned. So sad. Keith hated it. He wanted to do nothing more than burst into Lance’s room and demand he be happy because dammit if anyone deserved it, Lance did!

Lance was their happiness. Their ray of sunshine. He was their shelter against all the threats this war faced. He was the roof over their heads. Shielding them from the rain and snow. Protecting them when the elements became too much to bare head on.

He mattered so much to Keith. So fucking much.

So Keith took a deep breath, bracing himself, and strode into the Blue Paladin’s bedroom.

What he saw was… shocking to say the least.

Lance was laid on his bed, wrapping his comforter around him burrito style as he stared blankly at the room. Tears slipped down his face, and he breathed slowly, but other than that he did not move.

Keith paused. The atmosphere in Lance’s room was heavy. Extremely heavy. And quiet. Way, way too quiet for the boy Keith hand grown to love.

No- not love.

…

Actually, yes. Love.

Fuck! Not now brain! Keith scolded himself, pushing past his momentary gay panic to the situation at hand. Even though he had no idea what to do.

“Lance?” He asked. The boy twitched, and he turned his bloodshot, teary eyes to Keith. But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t get up. He didn’t move. Not the way Lance would move.

Keith began walking towards the bed, and Lance made no effort to stop him. “What’s… what’s going on?”

The Blue Paladin didn’t respond. He just looked away, turning his face ever so slightly away. Keith could see shame in his eyes, and he felt himself moving on autopilot.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here. You… can talk to me if you want,” Keith soothed, stepping toward and laying a hand on Lance’s shoulder. The boy looked back up at him with sad, pleading blue eyes. Keith could see it, the struggle twisted across his face as he tried to put some semblance of energy into speaking. But alas the boy seemed to not be able to find the strength, and Keith felt his heart breaking even more.

Keith knew that Lance was the type of person who found great comfort in physical contact. He was a hugger. The type of person to wrap his arms around somebody or lean against them as they sat next to each other. He was the type of person to show his affection by brushing hands as you passed them in the hallway, or placing a hand on your shoulder when someone seemed distressed.

So, that’s probably why Keith found himself crawling beneath Lance in his blanket burrito. He manoeuvred the comforter so that it still stayed tight around Lance, but allowed room for himself as well. Keith propped his body up against a pillow, and pulled Lance close against his chest.

The Blue Paladin turned his head into the warmth of Keith’s chest, his hands letting go of the blanket in favour of clutching the Red Paladin’s shirt. Keith found that he did not mind. It felt a little uncomfortable at first, but as Lance cried into his chest, the overwhelming need to comfort him overtook any other sensation Keith was feeling. The Half-Galra ran his hands through the team sharpshooter’s brunette hair in slow, soothing motions.

Lance seemed to relax as well. His whole body shuddered in, what Keith hoped, was relief as strong arms held him tight and close. Sheltering him from whatever had been weighing on his mind.

They stayed like that, silently drinking each other in, for a couple of minutes before Kieth heard Lance murmur softly into Keith’s shirt.

“Talk.” He pleaded. Gripping Keith tighter. As if he were afraid that the words would make Keith pull away.

Even though that was not Keith’s intentions, at all, he was still a little confused. “Talk? About?” He asked, keeping his voice quiet and soft.

“Anything.” Lance breathed. After a few moments he added in a much more desperate tone, “please?”

“Okay… why… don’t I tell you about the book I’m reading?” He asked. It was a question, he wasn’t sure if Lance would be interested in a topic like that.

But, Lance nodded slightly, not even making a jab at Keith for being a nerd. Keith took it as a yes. Whatever was bothering Lance, it must be pretty bad if he wasn’t even trying to make fun of Keith.

So Keith started talking.

“That’s what I was doing when you came by, you know. I kinda lose track of stuff when I’m reading sometimes.” He explained, before pushing on. “Anyways, it’s about this kid. He’s always been different from other kids. He’s got ADHD and dyslexia, and weird things always seem to happen that get him kicked out of schools. He’s got this cool mom and this deadbeat dad. But then his mom dies and he’s taken to this camp where he finds out his teacher is a centaur, the Greek gods are real and he is a demigod…”

Keith was sure he was being boring. Uninteresting. He was sure Lance didn’t care and he’d want Keith to talk about something else.

But, when Keith looked down he saw Lance peeking out from where his head was buried, just a little bit, to look up at Keith. He had relaxed even more now, and Keith took it as a good sign.

So he kept talking. Even when he was sure Lance was bored out of mind he kept talking. Because for whatever his rambling was worth, it seemed to help.

So he kept talking. Pushing away the silence with his words of grandeur, fantasy and adventure.

As he spoke, Lance’s presence seemed to become lighter. Happier. More like the Lance that Kieth had grown to love. The Lance, he realised, that he hadn’t seen much of in a long time.

That made Keith happy.

-

The more Keith spoke. The longer he laid there, running his long fingers through Lance’s hair, the farther away the quiet fled. Lance knew he had no idea how much he was helping, but the sharpshooter was grateful for him nonetheless.

When Keith’s narration of the novel he was reading came to an end, Lance was able to pull himself up, and drag himself off Keith’s lap. He unwrapped the comforter, and repositioned himself so that he was sitting beside Keith. His cheeks flushed a bit at the proximity, both now and previously. But he supposed he was kind of past the point of pulling away now.

He leaned against his companion’s shoulder as he spoke, “thank you, Keith. I…I needed that.”

Keith turned his head to him, and Lance felt sweat on his brow as the Red Paladin asked, “do you… wanna talk about it? You seemed… really upset.”

Lance wasn’t sure he wanted to. But… Keith was here. He’d seen Lance wrapped deep in the claws of the quiet… and he hadn’t run away. It hadn’t plagued him too. In fact, he’d made it go away.

So… maybe…

“You don’t have to. But you can… if you want.” Keith added as Lance pondered. The Red Paladin took Lance’s hand in his own. Lance wasn’t sure when Keith became so keen on physical contact, but he liked it. “I promise I’ll listen.”

Lance smiled, and apparently that was all the reassurance he needed.

He took a deep breath, resting his head on Keith’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt right. Being this close to Keith just felt… safe. Homey. Like he belonged there. “I… I don’t know how to explain it. I just… sometimes it’s just quiet. Too quiet. And heavy.”

He didn’t think he was making sense. But Keith listened regardless.

“And it’s like… it’s hard to do things. Like talk. Or move. Or just… function. And lately it’s been… I don’t know, it’s just been so much. And I just—“ his voice broke as tears filled his vision, but he carried on, “I keep trying to find people. Because hanging out with people usually makes it go away. But I haven’t been— it hasn’t— and then today I tried and…”

He whisked his tears away as Keith moved his arm around Lance and pulled him closer.

The Blue Paladin took a deep breath before continuing. “Today nobody wanted me around. And I just- I really needed— I didn’t want to be alone again. I didn’t want it to be quiet. I just needed someone but… but everyone kept telling me to go away and that made it so much worse.”

Lance was aware that he was shaking now. Keit’s grip tightened.

“And I just couldn’t… do it anymore. I was just so tired of pretending that I was okay. Of fighting to keep going despite how much I just wanted to stop. And I just couldn’t— I just wanted to give up and I couldn’t—“

He sobbed, and turned his head so that his face was buried in the soft, pale skin of Keith’s neck.

The hand returned in his hair, and Keith cooed at him softly.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Lance sobbed harder, and Keith let him.

He didn’t cry long. Most of his tears had already been spent, and also he just… didn’t need to. Having Keith here, it helped. He didn’t feel so alone in his mind. The world didn’t feel as chokingly silent.

It made the tears dry faster than they ever had before.

“Thank you Keith. For listening and… and for being here. I really didn’t… didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you, Lance. We all will. But…” he paused, unsure if this was the right thing to say. He shook off the hesitation, he had to know, “why didn’t you just tell us what was going on in the first place? You never had to be alone. We could have helped you.”

Lance shrugged, keeping his body situated comfortably against the Red Paladin. “I… I thought I could deal with my own problems. I didn’t want you guys to worry. I didn’t want to be a… a burden.”

Keith shook his head, “Lance, if you’re hurting, I want to be able to help. And I know the rest of the team feels the same. You can’t, — fuck— you can’t let yourself suffer all alone. Knowing that you’ve been struggling and I didn’t even know. I— it— it fucking hurts man.”

Lance sighed, but he didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure there was anything that needed to be said.

Keith sighed as well, letting his head lean against Lance’s.

“Just… promise me you’ll tell me when you’re feeling all… gloomy. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll help. And— and when you’re ready, I think you should tell the rest of the team. If I’m not here I want to know you’re gonna be okay.”

“I’d be okay.”

“No, Lance, I mean really okay! Not ‘I’m pushing through it and ignoring it so I’m fine’ okay!”

Lance wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“Promise me?” Keith pleaded, squeezing Lance’s hand tighter.

Wow, Keith begging was new. Lance didn’t think he could say no to it. So, feeling like he didn’t have much of a choice, he surrendered.

“Okay. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Keith breathed, his grip tightening again.

Lance, for the first time in a while, completely forgot what it was like for the world to be quiet. Lance relished the feeling. This feeling of complete and utter contempt. He knew it wouldn’t stay forever. He knew the quiet would return and he’d return to the daily battle of just existing in his own brain.

But the task didn’t feel as daunting anymore. Because Lance wasn’t fighting alone anymore. Laying in his bed, wrapped up in Keith’s warm embrace…

It was the farthest from the quiet than Lance had ever been.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Note: Did I shamelessly plug Percy Jackson into this fic? Yes. Do I also feel like it’s in character for Keith to relate to a book about kids not knowing who they are and feeling different their whole life only to find out they are NOT completely human? Also yes!)

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

A Voice Through the Nothingness Part 12

I'm sorry this took me so long, life has been crazy and I haven't had the brain space for this. Please remember to comment, it really helps me.

Series Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Contains: This is still a slow burn, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, descriptions of past domestic violence, protective Billy.

4.0K words

Comment if you want to be tagged or follow #a voice through the nothingness.

“The real world is where the monsters are.”― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief.

Hazel flattened her skirt again and nervously chewed her lower lip. The man at the front desk smiled when he saw her and stood up."Hello Ma'am, I'm Gunner, I'm assuming your Hazel?"

She nodded, "I am, you're here late, I thought you guys finished at five thirty?"

He shook his head. "We have people here at night, I'm usually somewhere else but Billy wanted me to wait here to take you to his loft."

She smiled. "That was nice of him, are you too friends?"

"Yes Ma'am." He stood up and gestured toward a set of doors, "When you're done for the night, Billy will buzz me and I'll take you back to your car."

She shook her head as she followed him through the courtyard. "Thank you Gunner but I'm sure I can find my own way back."

He sighed. "Alright, Billy just wants you to be safe."

She smiled. "I know, thank you for getting me here, and please, call me Hazel."

He swiped his card on the elevator and smiled. "Sure Hazel, this will take you right up to Billy's loft. I'll be back to take you to your car when you're ready to go home."

She chuckled. "I see there's no dissuading you. Next time I come, I'll bring you some cookies to say thank you."

"I'd love that Hazel." He walked away and the elevator doors closed. After a short trip, the doors reopened, and Billy's loft greeted Hazel with all its black furniture and exposed concrete walls.

He was in the kitchen fussing over a pot, his suit swapped for henley, a simple pair of jeans and a t-towel thrown over his shoulder. He looked up from the stove with a smile and walked over with his arms open. Hazel wrapped her arms around his body and relaxed his embrace as Billy's warmth surrounded her.

He was so happy to see her. "Did you get up here alright?"

She nodded. "I did, Gunner was a big help."

They parted and She took a deep breath. "Whatever you're cooking smells amazing."

He smiled. "Roast duck breast with polenta and Morell mushrooms and a garden salad, dessert is a surprise. I wanted to go all out like you did but I didn't want to do too much and screw it up."

She grinned. "What are you talking about, that sounds amazing. Do you need any help?"

He shook his head and walked her to the kitchen counter. "It will be done in half an hour. I would have had a drink ready for you but you're early."

He pulled out a chair, and she sat down with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, I wanted to be punctual but I went a bit too far."

"It doesn't worry me." He headed to the fridge and pulled out a judge, "Since I know how much you like strawberries I thought we could continue with our fresh juice trend?"

She nodded, "Yes please." He poured the pink liquid into a glass and placed it in from of her, "How's work been?"

"Since I saw you two days ago and talked to you yesterday? Work's been great. Thank you for sending over that modified questionnaire, you didn't have to do it so soon." He figured she did it to keep herself busy, and judging by how tired she looked, she still wasn't getting much sleep.

She shook her head, "It's alright. Was it helpful?"

Billy nodded and returned to the stove, "Hell yeah, we're going to hand them out on Monday. What about you, anything crazy happen yesterday?"

"No, it was an easy day on the ward. I got some good news, though," He raised his eyebrows, "I'm doing so well in the triage course that they think I'll be done a month sooner."

"That's amazing Hazel. I looked into that course, it's very hard to get into." He knew she was far smarter than she led on, he just wondered why she was so reserved about it.

She was grateful he was looking elsewhere because she was sure the shyness would be all over her face. "I just study hard, there's no great skill about it."

He huffed, "You should be proud of yourself, studying hard or not, they don't accept many people."

There was a pause before she responded. "I'll be happy when it's done and I can help more people." He felt a tang in his heart at her tone, he knew it well, she didn't think she was good enough.

He turned enough to meet her eye, "Well I'm proud of you." She smiled at him and he turned back to the pot and with a few more stirs, it was done. "Dinner will be ready in a minute if you want to wash your hands."

She was up and heading towards the sink. "Do you need help setting the table?"

He shook his head, "Nope, take your drink and get comfortable, I'll be there with the food in before you know it." Sure enough, the moment she was settled, he came over with two plates in his hand. He placed one in front of her before sitting in front of his own. "Please, dig in."

The duck skin cracked like glass and the meat cut like butter. She was barely able to hold back the moan as she took a bite, the buttery polenta and the earthy mushrooms complementing the duck perfectly. "This is so good."

He smiled. "Thank you, it's not as good as yours though."

She shook her head. "No, this is great. You're a very good cook, I can't wait to see what you made for…"

BANG

She jumped out of her skin while he barely flinched. "What was that?"

He could see the panic on her face. "It was just a car backfiring, it happens all the time here."

She placed a hand on her chest to slow her racing heart. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overreact."

He reached out and grabbed her hand. "You didn't, don't worry."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I feel like I've ruined the night."

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and shook his head. "No, you didn't. I don't blame you for being on edge, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Thank you." She took a deep breath, "Good work on the salad, by the way, it's lovely."

He smiled. "Good, I think if I failed at a salad, I should never be allowed in the kitchen again."

She chuckled. "I would have to agree with you on that one."

He looked over her face, underneath the weight of her worry, there was such affection in her eyes. "I made an apple pie for dessert, I know I said it was a surprise but I can't wait."

Hazel smiled. "I love apple pie."

The night rushed by and he found himself using all his self control not to ask her to stay a little while longer. It's not like she had to take the subway, he could drive her home but she would have insisted and he didn't want her taking the subway late at night.

She leaned against the wall next to the elevator with a slice of pie in a box. "Thank you so much for tonight, it's been so long since someone other than Lizzy has cooked for me."

He smiled, "You're a delight to cook for, I've never had someone complement my food so much."

****

Hazel was surprised at how ready she was as the IT man set up the courtroom feed. Tammy, the head of her department, stood there with a soft smile on her face and placed her hand on Hazel's shoulder. "If you want to go home after this you can, we all understand."

Lizzy nodded. "I'll take you too, we can eat some ice cream and binge watch animal planet."

Hazel shook her head. "No, this man isn't going to take another second away from me. I can do this."

Tammy smiled. "Yes, you can."

Billy, Frank, Karen and Curt arrived soon after in their best attire, Billy didn't even have a hair out of place.

Tammy shot Hazel one last smile. "I'm over in the next room. We're here for you no matter what happens."

She smiled. "Thank you." She sat at the table with everyone next to her and waited for the feed to light up, her heart rate rising with every passing second. Billy's hand landed on hers and rubbed soothingly when her legs started to bob and before she knew it, the courtroom was filling the screen.

She took a deep breath as the board read the proceedings and then it was Hazel's turn to talk. "Theodore Parker once said 'The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.' I stopped believing that a long time ago. Mr Cambell should have been gone to prison than a lot longer than he got but seven to nine and I tried to put him out of my mind, I hoped that he would be a different person when he came out."

She took another deep breath and stilled her shaking hands. "He has not been in prison long enough to change and we all know he hasn't done any programs. We all know why he's coming up for parole, he's turned on someone. I just wished someone stopped to ask me what I wanted, and if the man who tried to kill me should even be given the chance to get out so early."

Billy could hear the rage coming from her voice. "I'm asking you to make the right choice and say no today, I'm asking you to acknowledge that something horrible was done to me and that I deserve justice."

Resolve came over her face as she met eyes with each member. "Please don't let his one self serving deed undo him trying to kill me. Thank you for your time."

She muted the mic and sat back down, and Billy's hand returned to hers. "You did really well."

She shook her head. "You saw the looks on their faces, he's giving them a big fish, they're not going to listen to me."

Karen cast a glance at Frank who nodded. "I have an idea if you're up for it?" She nodded. "There's no way they can legally let him out, I asked Mat. He turned state's evidence to the point to negate such a serious charge he should end up in witsec. If he gets out, do you want me to do some digging? The Bulletin would love a story about something like this."

"Yes, I would. If he gets out, people need to know so he doesn't get away with it." She couldn't think of anything better, being marked as a rat would ruin his life more than any conviction.

"Done." She was comforted by Karen's surety, somehow she knew that Karen would get the real story out there.

The feed lit up soon after and everyone turned their attention back to the screen. "Miss Moreau, we will be deliberating for quite a while. You should go back to work."

She sighed. "Thank you."

The feed went black and she took a deep breath. "I'm going back to work. There's is no point in worrying about what might or might not happen and the ER needs me."

She expected pushback from at least one person but she never got it, and Billy stood up with a smile. "Do you and Lizzy wanna come over and watch the fight with us tonight?"

Lizzy smiled. "Curt already invited me, I said yes."

Hazel smiled. "I would love to come."

Frank grinned. "That settles it then. We'll see you ladies tonight."

****

Hazel felt a weight lift off her chest as she got into Billy's car at the end of her day. "He's not out yet, you don't need to fuss."

He shook his head. "I'm not fussing. You've had a long day, you shouldn't have to take the subway."

She sighed and relaxed into the seat, "Thank you."

He noticed how she chewed on her lip as the ride went on. "Has someone called yet?"

She shook her head. "No, I would have told every…" Right on time, her phone rang. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear, or call as it were."

She put the phone on speaker without thinking and she knew by the DA's sigh what his next words were going to be. "I'm sorry Hazel, he's out. He's not allowed out of his state and he has to wear an electronic bracelet so he won't be coming into New York."

"Why?" She didn't mean to sound so upset.

"He turned on someone." There was a pause and the DA took a breath, "He turned on the AB, the danger he was in and how much he gave was the reason they let him out."

Billy huffed. "The fucking Aryan Brotherhood, just when I thought he couldn't get any worse. We'll all know he wouldn't have info if he wasn't up their asses in the first place."

"You must be Willam." The DA sighed, "I can assure both of you that Mr Cambell will not cause you any trouble and if he does, he will go back inside for breaking a restraining order that was filed on your behalf when he was paroled. If he contacts you in any way, please let us know."

She nodded. "Sure, thanks anyway." She hung up without letting him get in another word.

"You good?" He knew she wasn't but it didn't hurt to ask, he wasn't going to push her.

She shook her head. "I'm upset but if he cuts that bracelet off, I'll have enough warning to do what I need to do.

He smiled softly. "You're really brave, you know that?"

She shrugged, "I don't feel brave right now."

He could hear the shake in her voice. "That makes you even braver." He took one hand off the wheel and linked his fingers with hers, "I'll stay with you until you're ready to come to my place. I want to feed Barry again anyway."

She nodded. "That would be nice, thank you."

****

Billy smiled as Barry munched in the clams. "They're making my tank now, I can't wait until I can put all the plants in. I've had a lot of fun sketching the layout."

Hazel shook her head. "I can't believe you're a fish person."

He tilted his head. "Really, what kind of person do you think I am."

"Cats, I feel like you and a cat would get along great." She paused like she was shaking off more emotions. "I love cats, but I can't fit one in here. I figure I'll get one when I finally get a home of my own."

"You know, I think you might be right." He huffed to himself, "I'm gonna do some research."

"I knew it." She sighed. "Just let me hop in the shower and change into something that I can lounge around in a. and then we'll go. I've got some snacks in the freezer, should I bring them?"

He nodded. "Hell yeah, we always get pizza but I'm not turning down free food, especially if it's yours."

"Ok." She took a deep breath. "Tell me everything is going to be ok."

He closed the gap between them and grabbed her hand. "Everything is going to be fine, I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

****

"These pre shows are so full of bullshit, why do they need to puff their chests out so much."

Hazel sighed. "Because Lizzy, they need to hype up the crowd. It's why they're so mean to each other during press too."

Billy chuckled. "We're about to get a contact with a fighter, you might even see us at the next game."

Lizzy glared at him. "So we're not invited?"

"Don't listen to him, Billy's just being an ass." Frank said it with all the affection in the world.

Billy huffed. "Of course you guys are invited if they give us tickets."

Hazel stretched out and her thigh ended up getting inadvertently pushed against Billy's but he made no room to move away. Curt glanced over briefly from his shared loveseat with Lizzy but didn't say anything, rather, he nodded towards Frank, who slung his arm over Karen's shoulder to pull her close.

It seemed Billy and Hazel enjoyed the contact because Billy mirrored Frank's action and threw his arm over the back of the couch. "Who do you think will win tonight?"

Hazel shrugged. "Montana. Baker is too slow for his hands and he's ground and pound is shit."

"Yeah Bill, I got to agree, Baker isn't going to get far." Hazel appreciated Frank's support.

Billy grumbled. "Montana is a heel, but yeah, he's going to win."

The TV started to flash and the lights in Billy's loft went from dimmed to totally off. "Wow, and I thought to TV coming out of the wall was cool."

Lizzy chuckled. "You are so easy to impress Hazelnut."

"Am not." She took a piece of popcorn and lobbed it at Lizzy's head. "It is cool."

Lizzy shook her head. "Real mature, throwing food in someone else's home."

Billy smiled. "Nah, plenty of popcorn gets thrown around here, you should see Frank when he watches baseball."

Curt huffed. "Can you all shut up. It's starting."

Hazel pressed her lips together to stop herself from smiling. "Sorry Curt."

Everyone turned their attention back to the TV as the fighters came out and after their introductions and the ref shouting the rules, the flight started. It wasn't over as quick as everyone thought it would be and as it went on, Hazel drew closer to Billy until they were cuddling while fists hit faces.

Hazel tapped Billy's chest excitedly as the fight neared its third round. "Wow, it looks like Baker might win."

Billy fought the urge to peck her temple. "I think you might be right."

Sure enough, just as the fight entered its third round, Baker scored a knockout and the crowd went wild. "Good for him, you can tell he worked hard to get there."

Billy always admired how Hazel always acknowledged someone's hard work. "We'll see who he fights next, after this it's anyone's guess."

Frank sighed a slapped his legs. "Well ladies and gents, it's pretty late so Karen and I are going to head home."

Lizzy rolled her shoulders with a groan, "I should do the same." She turned to Curt. "You wanna come with and stay the night?"

Curt smiled. "You bet I do."

An awkward silence filled the space as everyone started to get ready to go and Billy took a deep breath before addressing Hazel. "Maybe you should stay the night, with everything that happened today and all. I have a guest room."

"Yeah, alright." Billy was shocked she didn't give him more pushback. "It will be good to know someone is just around the corner."

He smiled. "I'll show you where you gotta go."

No one said anything as everyone said their goodbyes but Lizzy made sure to thank Billy for his kindness as he wished her well at the door.

****

Hazel settled into bed wearing one of Billy's old PT shirts that he had so kindly lent to her. She looked around the guest room, it was almost as big as her whole apartment and it wasn't lost on her how much safer she felt as she rested back on the pillows. 

Knock knock

"Come in."

He popped his head through the door and walked a few steps into the room. "I'm right next door so wake me up if you need anything." 

She nodded. "Thank you Billy." 

"You think you'll be able to get any sleep?" He knew the answer already. 

She sighed. "I'm not sure but this mattress is very comfortable so we'll see."

His fingers itched to get closer. "I hope you get some rest but like I said, if you can't I'm right next door." 

She smiled. "Thanks Billy. Goodnight, sleep well." 

"Goodnight Hazel." 

****

It was strange, Hazel was wide awake but all she wanted to do was fall into the sleep that was scratching at her brain. There was no dripping tap, no fights outside her window, just a soft, soothing sound of the wind rustling the trees in the courtyard outside her window.

There was no light coming from under her door, no matter how hard she strained her eyes, she couldn't see anything which didn't help because she had no reason to go and see if Billy was still awake so she could have company in her insomnia.

She flipped over again and huffed, she didn't know how she could be so tired and so awake at the same time, and then she heard it, a soft whimper coming under her door. She listened and it came again and before she could stop herself, she was out of bed and rushing towards Billy's room.

She pushed open the door softly and peered in as the nightlight in the hall flicked on and drifted into Billy's room. He was fast asleep but his face was fixed into a grimace.

Hazel waited there watching him, unsure if she should wake him but he let out something that sounded more like a scream and she made her choice. She walked over to him, sat at the end of the bed and placed a hand on his calf before saying his name softly until his eyes shot open and his chest heaved.

"Billy, you're alright, you were having a nightmare." His eyes locked on her and he relaxed. "You're ok."

"Thank you. I'm sorry if I woke you." He sounded so regretful.

She shook her head, "No, I couldn't sleep anyway."

"Shit, I'm sorry. You wanna come and sit with me for a bit?" He knew he shouldn't be asking but he couldn't help himself.

"Alright, I think we could both use it." She climbed into bed next to him and pulled the covers over her legs, "What were you dreaming about?"

He swallowed. "Getting hurt. It wasn't a bomb this time. I swear sometimes the dreams are worse than the real thing."

She reached out and placed her hand on top of his. "You wanna tell me more about it?"

He blinked and stared into space for a moment before responding. "I can't remember it. It was there one minute and now it's gone." He sighed, "Dr C said that was normal."

She nodded, "Yeah, it is."

"My face hurts." He hadn't meant to say it but she responded anyway and he felt her hand brush the scar on his cheek.

"It's just phantom pain." The warmth of her hand chased away the strings of agony and he felt his eyes grow heavy.

"Thank you." His tired brain couldn't fight the urge to nuzzle into her palm and she smiled as the tension left his body.

She took a deep breath as a wave of exhaustion hit her. "We're both really tired, how about I spend the rest of the night here?"

He forced his eyes open and looked over her face in the barely there light from the hallway, there was no hesitation on her face. "Ok."

He got up and closed the door before hopping back in bed and fluffing the pillow behind her. "Thank you."

He smiled. "It's alright. Are you sure about this?"

She nodded. "Positive. The way I see it, we're friends and we're close, this doesn't have to mean anything more than that unless we want it to."

"Yeah, yeah I think that sounds about right." She went down first, lying on her side facing him as he did the same. "Is this alright?"

She reached out and took his hand. "This is great. Goodnight, again."

He chuckled softly as sleep came over him. "Goodnight again Hazel."

Part 13

[inkribbon796]

Egotober 2023 Day 18: Retaliation

Summary: Anti is upset at Dark, Dark is upset because Anti keeps interrupting his business.

Prompt: Rage

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Author hated the swamp. He loved putting his “characters” through the muck but Author loved the forest, not the swamp.

The young author was with Dark, who didn’t seem to care because he was using his aura to protect his suit as they were looking for something in the Everglades. If Author stuck close to Dark he was fine, but Author tended to get distracted and wandered a little bit a couple times.

One of those times Anti appeared right next to him. “Hey kid, I’m just bothering Dark. Wanna help?”

Author smiled back and set the end of his bat on his shoulder. “Maybe, what’s in it for me? Gonna leave me high and dry again?”

“Maybe, he’s not going to discorporate you now is he?” Anti said.

Author shrugged and didn’t say a word right up until Anti was about to pounce.

“Ahhhh! Dark!” Arthur shouted, making himself sound injured.

Dark immediately turned, aura already moving towards Author when he saw Anti.

“You son—” Anti managed before Dark actually attacked first.

Author laughed as the fight began to break out. As he watched the fight, Author felt better about the trek into the swamp.

“You degenerate cretin, I am trying to conduct actual business,” Dark switched forms. Her red aura taking over as Dark took her red soul’s form.

“I’m not done with you until I take your leg,” Anti said. “That’s what you get for taking Marvin from me.”

When Anti lunged for Dark again, she summoned her axe and used it to pin Anti down. Her expression became more serious. “I have nothing to do with a second-rate ghost hunter that lives across an entire sea.”

“He’s moving to Egoton because of you,” Anti said. “And you don’t get to have him.”

Dark used her aura to pin Anti down, placing her foot on his shoulder. She looked around before opening a portal to pull herself, Anti, and Author back into the Manor’s backyard.

“Arthur, go take a shower,” Dark told him.

“Come on,” Arthur said. “The fight was just getting good.”

Dark opened up a portal into his en-suite bathroom, “Go before I dump you directly into the tub like a seven-year-old.”

“Fine,” Arthur said and stomped through the portal like the broody teenager he was.

She closed up the portal and turned back to Anti. “If I let you talk, are you going to let us talk about this like adults?”

“Fuck off,” Anti said.

Dark’s foot dug into his shoulder. “I need information you have, if I don't get it, I will place you inside of one of my grandfather clocks in my personal office where Wilford likes to surprise me. And I will maintain this form to ensure your compliance. If you wanted to win fights you shouldn’t pick them with other people first before finding me.”

“Okay, fine!” Anti said and hesitantly Dark let him up. She made sure to personally pull her axe free.

“Fuck, what does Wilf see in you?” Anti massaged his shoulder as he was bleeding all over the back lawn right next to the croquet set.

“None of your business, why is Marvin coming and when?” Dark asked.

“Hell if I know, he is, as soon as his papers come in he’s taking the first flight over to your hellfire of a city and you don’t get to keep him.”

Dark’s free hand went into her hair. “You could have told me this instead of picking fights! I could have fought against this sooner. I don’t want your magician or any of your Septics in my town.”

“Yeah, cause they’re mine,” Anti said.

“And they can stay yours, is J.J coming with him?” Dark asked.

“No. Why? He’s mine.” Anti looked ready for a fight.

“Exactly, the only way he comes into my town is in a body bag. I want you to tell me what he’s planning and when he’s coming and Marvin is yours again.” Dark said as her axe disappeared.

“I don’t follow your orders,” Anti said.

“You’ll do it if you want to keep Marvin,” Dark said, and then she was gone.

Leaving Anti an angry, furious demon on her back lawn. Anti would take his sweet time getting Dark that info just to spite her. But he’d go pick another fight with Marvin just to try and soothe the rage in his soul.