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pascalpanic · 3 years

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Begin Again (Marcus Pike x f!Reader)

Inspo: Begin Again by Adam Melchor

Summary: Dating apps never pair you with the right people. Until you come across the profile of a handsome, pancake loving FBI agent named Marcus.

W/C: 4.8k

Warnings: lots of talk of food, language, late night deep conversations, some sadness at the end but nothing intense? reader has a pet cat, is that worth a warning? idk

A/N: HI GUYS this is my first full length Marcus Pike fic! I really hope you like it!! thank you so much to @theteddylupinexperience and @sanchosammy for being my best editors and proofreaders and idea givers!!!

note: PLS listen to the song before/after/while reading! it’s one of my favs and it really goes along with the story

Over the course of your adult years, you’ve become convinced that dating apps are complete and utter bullshit. The algorithms never work right, never pair you or any of your friends with anyone worth seeing in person. Maybe that’s just the problem; maybe it’s not the apps but the people. Whatever the answer is, whatever reason you’ve never found success in the endless swiping, you’re through with it.

That was before last week. The rainy Tuesday night left you in your apartment, alone, to succumb to the cold spring dreariness. Over a cup of hot tea, you’d downloaded the app again. Might as well try, right? You have nothing to lose. If worst comes to worst, catfishing an annoying guy is always a blast. The good news is that this app requires you as the woman to make the first move. That’s kind of a downside- you never know how to start conversations- but at least you can’t get unsolicited dick pics right off the bats. Life is full of tradeoffs, you suppose.

You begin again. The app becomes your favorite pastime. Bored at work or home? Dating app it is. Left. Left. Left. Boring man after boring man. One labeled himself super-straight: absolutely fucking not. One holding a fish: nope. A man who describes himself as a gym rat: not your type. It’s a boring way to spend your lunch break, you’re aware, but the entertainment value is fun if nothing else. There are a lot of strange men out there.

After a few days, your luck seems to turn around as the photo of a man with brown hair and warm brown eyes pops up on your screen. He has a scruffy beard and wavy hair, and the way his smile tugs at the corner of his lips makes your heart flutter. He’s really cute, you have to admit. You read the bio next.

Marcus, 35

❗️ Washington, D.C.

Got forced into making this, but optimistic. Lover of art, dogs, and time to relax. Always down for breakfast for dinner and cuddling. Looking for someone with a sense of independence, love of travel, and a sleep schedule equally fucked up as mine. Must love pancakes.

Must love pancakes. That’s absolutely adorable. You immediately think of your cat, named Pancake, and you laugh and swipe right, hoping the man already thought the same of you. Your eyes widen with excitement and you almost laugh out loud from your giddy state when you see the little logo indicating it’s a match.

The first message you send him has to be perfect. You ponder your options for a minute, frowning and furrowing your brow as you think. You don’t want to come on too strong; you’re not trying to sound like you want a hookup. A simple one-word greeting wouldn’t be enough.

You could comment on something from his bio, you realize as you read it again and again. Maybe ask him about his dog? No, that’s too awkward. You want it to be about him, something that can draw him in. Talk about traveling? No, you don’t want to sound like you’re bragging about the places you’ve gone in your life.

Pancakes. Pancakes are good. You love pancakes. You think for a second more, debating what to say, before inspiration strikes and you send off the message before you can stop yourself.

Marcus Pike has essentially felt the same as you. He’s a somewhat charming man. He’s had his fair share of relationships, but they never quite work out. His ex-wife, now long gone and blocked from his phone, was an absolute failure of a relationship. He’d gotten close to what felt like true love with Teresa, another FBI agent, but she flaked at the last second.

Maybe the constant here was that he met them in person. When Marcus falls, he falls hard and fast, down an endless spiral of emotions with no escape. Maybe if he met someone online, it would be different. His best friends had all encouraged it, and on a night out not long after Teresa left him, Pike set up his own profile. He liked that the app didn’t require him to make the first move. It’s refreshing.

Marcus had seen your profile hours ago, on a mindless phone break from his work. He’d swiped right too, stunned by your smile and the lovelines you radiated even through the phone. He crossed his fingers for a good part of the day, hoping you’d swipe right on him too.

His day is busy, leaving him no time to fiddle with his phone and distract himself. He eats in the cafeteria, checking up on his phone. After lunch, he’s walking back to his office when his heart flutters as he sees the dating app indicates he’s had a match. He looks at it and swallows hard before stopping, moving to the side of the hallway to allow others to pass. He’s breathing hard, and his heart speeds up when he sees that you are the one that matched with him.

He knows how this app works. He has to wait now, to let you make the first move. He can’t even write a message until you send one. So he pockets his phone again and continues on his walk.

He’s determined on his walk, rushing back to his desk so he can sit and be thoroughly enthralled in waiting for or receiving your response. His phone buzzes several times with notifications, one of which he prays is you. When he finally sits, he opens the app ceremoniously and has to hold back a genuine laugh when he sees your first message.

Blueberry or chocolate chip?

Marcus shoots back a text nearly immediately. Sorry, what?

Your bio. “Must love pancakes”. Blueberry or chocolate chip?

Marcus is absolutely beaming as he leans back in his chair, crossing his legs. Blueberry. Always. I hope that’s the right answer :)

Unfortunately, it’s not, but you’re cute so I’ll let it slide

You called him cute. It makes Marcus’s heart flutter. Come on. There’s nothing like the warm blueberry popping in your mouth.

There is. It’s when the chocolate chips are all melty and creamy.

God, Marcus is already painfully into you. You know what… at least you love pancakes. I’ll let it slide. You got a favorite place?

Anywhere I can get ‘em. You seem like quite the connoisseur, do you have one place in mind?

Jane slams down a stack of files on Marcus’s desk. “Paperwork overflow, Pike. Can you get these done tonight?”

Marcus is the fastest in the office with paperwork, which often leads to him being the one that flies through the files in the place of the people who actually filed it. He nods. What else is there to do? “Sure.”

Jane claps him on the shoulder and wanders off. Marcus watches him in slight annoyance. The best place in D.C. is definitely Sandy’s. Hey I gotta go, text ya later?

I’d love that :)

It didn’t take long for your texting to move from the dating app to actual texting. It happened within the same day, in fact.

Marcus messaged you some hours after the initial conversation. Your phone buzzed while you were doing yoga in your apartment, your cat curled into a ball beneath your stomach as you held a downward dog. You nearly collapsed on top of Pancake as you fumbled to sit cross-legged on the end of your yoga mat.

The message from Marcus is bright on the top of your screen. Hi. Sorry that took so long. Work stuff.

Smiling, you take a swig from your water bottle and lean back against your couch. Not a problem. Understandable. What do you do for a living? It’s a loaded question in D.C.; they could range anywhere from politicians to their rich sons to artists and athletes.

I work for the FBI, actually.

Your eyes light up in excitement. That’s the coolest shit I’ve heard. What do you do? Are you an agent?

The man’s responses don’t take long at all. He must be waiting in the chat to respond. The idea makes your heart flutter. Yep, I’m an agent. I work in international art crimes.

You certainly didn’t expect that for an answer. Wow, okay, that’s even cooler than I thought. I was about to call you Agent Pancake but I think my girl would be disheartened...

Snapping a photo of the way Pancake is nuzzling into your side, meowing for snuggles, you have to laugh as you send the photo his way. Funny you love pancakes so much. This little muppet is named Pancake.

Marcus responds with a barrage of heart-eyes emojis, which makes you laugh aloud and scoop Pancake into your lap, stroking her strawberry-blonde fluff. She’s an absolute angel. Like her mother, I’m presuming.

Your cheeks flood with warmth and you can feel the tips of your ears turning hot too. You’ve never even met me, Agent…? You trail off the text, asking for his last name.

Pike.

Agent Marcus Pike. What a nice sounding name. It sounds official and strong and you really like it. Cute last name. Might steal it from ya someday ;)

You don’t normally flirt this shamelessly, but he’s so goddamn cute and funny. You cross your fingers behind your back that this isn’t just a facade, that this is Marcus himself texting like he would to anyone else. You got a phone number?

As you laugh, Pancake paws at your chest to grab your attention, nails nearly digging into the stretchy fabric of your yoga tank top. “Watch it,” you scold her softly and remove her paw from your chest, picking her up and giving her a kiss on the head. Sure do. You want it?

Yes please.

You send your number his way and moments later, your phone pings with a text from an unlabeled number.

Maybe: Pike: hey, it’s Pike :)

You: hey… dammit, I really want to call you Agent Pancakes, but I think my fluffy little heathen would be offended. I don’t know what to save you in my phone as...

Agent Pancakes: Save me as whatever, I suppose. Not my problem, right?

The texts became more frequent. Over the course of three weeks, you’d stay up late talking like teenagers, knowing you need to go to bed but unable to bring yourself to do it.

You learned that his middle name was Mauricio, that his mother wanted him to have at least something a little more Latino in his name. You told him the story of how you’d adopted Pancake as a kitten from a shelter and she woke you up one morning with her claws entwined in a snarl of your hair. He told you about his ex-wife and ex-fiancée, Teresa, and you responded that he deserved something better than that. You can already tell that he’s a good man.

At the end of three weeks, you shot Marcus a text. Things seemed to be going pretty well.

You: Hey, you want to do a video call sometime soon?

Agent Pancakes: I’d love that! I’m free tonight if you are.

You: Always free. Shouldn’t you know that?? Doesn’t the FBI spy on us through our phones and whatever?

Agent Pancakes: well, I do work in art crimes. Even if we did, it would be a totally different thing

You: Good.

An hour later, you fidget with your hands as you sit on your couch, the laptop propped up across from you and ringing for a video chat. Marcus’s profile picture bobs on the screen as you wait for him to pick up.

Marcus’s face and apartment fills your screen, and you automatically grin. “Hi,” you giggle and wave, absolutely enraptured by how cute his real smile is, not the forced one in the photos.

“Hey. Nice to kind of-finally meet you,” he tells you and waves back. The wall of his apartment is nothing exciting, but his facial expressions already have you falling. Those big brown eyes compliment natural but ridiculously pink lips, and his brown hair is neatly done. It looks like he’s wearing a tie and a dress shirt; probably his work gear, you suppose.

“You too!” You tell him, unable to stop smiling. “You shaved.”

Marcus’s heart jumps out of his chest when he sees you ringing him. He barely has time to flop on the couch and turn it on, propping up the camera across from him.

God, you’re so gorgeous. Your giggle is infectious, making Marcus laugh softly at god knows what. Your grin is equally as contagious, making him smile back. He rubs his jaw in response. “Yeah, yeah. I tend to keep it clean there. Stubble takes too much maintenance, and I have this little patch where it never quite grows,” he tells you as he juts his chin to the camera, touching the spot where his beard can’t grow.

“I like it either way,” you assure him, shrugging a little. “How was your day, Agent Pancakes?” Your voice is the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard, even with the granulated audio over this shitty app. Agent Pancakes makes his heart flutter. “No, not you!” You groan as Pancake climbs onto your lap. “Hi. Your twin wants to say hi.”

Marcus’s smile widens. “Oh my god, hello cutie pie,” he chuckles, launching into baby talk. “What a pretty girl. You make a good Pancake.”

You smile and rub her fur, grinning. “She’s my baby,” you chuckle and set her aside. “Yeah. I’m busy. Leave me alone.” Pancake meows in protest. “Shut up, I’m on a date,” you whine.

Marcus’s ears perk up. “This is a date?”

Your eyes widen as you turn back to him. “I… yeah?” You ask, wincing a little.

He grins back at you. “I like it. And I’m really in love with the idea of seeing your face when you talk.”

“I like your voice,” you flirt back, but you mean it. “It’s so pretty. Do you sing?” You ask mindlessly, studying the way his brow furrows and his eyes convey exactly what he’s thinking.

He chuckles softly. “I used to. I haven’t in a long long time.”

“You’ll have to sing for me sometime.”

When he shakes his head, his neatly gelled hair tries to break free. A strand does, falling in his face. “You don’t wanna hear it, I promise.” He removes his tie, and you can’t help but watch the movement. It’s incredibly sexy.

A mischievous smile makes you bite the inside of your cheek. “No, I really do, I really think I do.”

Marcus rolls his eyes. “Only if you try the pancakes at Sandy’s sometime. I promise you, they’re the best pancakes in the District. I’ve never had the chocolate chip pancakes, but if they’re anywhere near as good as the blueberry, they’re fantastic. And they’re open 24 hours. I go there a lot for late night case work.”

You smile at that, getting cozy on your couch and hugging your blanket. “That does sound nice. I love a good all day breakfast,” you say with raised eyebrows, the teasing in your voice. “Okay, human Pancakes. How was your day?” You ask him again, intent on hearing his answer. Not only is his job fascinating, but he’s adorable when he explains things.

Marcus frowns, and that makes you instinctively frown too. “Well, it’s been good. We’re tracking a huge smuggling ring right now, but since we’ve pinpointed a stock house for them, I might have to travel for a while.”

You frown. You’d been hoping you could have a real date soon, at least. “How long is a while?” You ask him curiously, sipping from your water bottle that sits next to you.

“Couple weeks. No less than a month, probably. I’d… well, I might have to go undercover, which means we couldn’t talk for a while.” His eyes are apologetic, showing that he hates this news as much as you do. “And… I’d leave maybe tomorrow or the day after.”

Your heart sinks. “So soon,” you say with a sad smile, a desperate and lonely chuckle. “Well, if you want to come home to me, I’ll be here.”

Marcus’s smile perks up just slightly. “You would be the best thing in the world to come home to. And I’ll have the scruff back by then.”

“Yes!” You exclaim and laugh, pumping a fist in the air. “I think you’re really cute anyway, but I really love the scruff,” you shrug shyly.

“Maybe I’ll grow it out just for you.”

The adrenaline from his first technical-date with you prevents Marcus from sleeping. The call lasted hours, the two of you covering almost everything important in your lives. You talked about your favorite television programs and politics, your parents and your favorite pizza toppings. Talking with him was like nothing you’d ever experience, a connection you’d never thought a dating app could offer.

After several hours, during a lull in the conversation, Marcus suggested the two of you log off. It was around 11 P.M. now, and, even though Marcus has a sleep schedule like a raccoon, he figured you should sleep. He blew you a kiss through the camera, which you pretended to hold to your chest and grin at him.

But now it’s an hour later, just past midnight, and Marcus is antsy. He doesn’t sleep much anyway, but your face is running through his mind like it owns the place, and at this point, maybe you do. Marcus sits up in bed and sighs. He knows the proper remedy for this: Sandy’s. Throwing on a rare pair of jeans and a leather jacket over the white v-neck he wears, he slips on his shoes and makes his way to the tiny, 24-hour diner.

The adrenaline is coursing through your veins too. You text any of your friends that will listen, rambling about how beautiful Marcus’s face is and how wonderful it was to finally hear his voice. You pace your apartment, petting Pancake as you pass her perch on the arm of your couch. You try to do a little yoga to calm down but you can’t stop smiling. Marcus occupies too much room in your brain to try to think about anything else.

When it’s just after midnight, hunger strikes. You realize you never ate dinner, too preoccupied with talking to the handsome man to even consider microwaving something from your fridge. Talking with Marcus has instilled you with a love for pancakes, and you think to yourself that maybe Sandy’s would be worth a shot. It’s open late.

So you toss on a jacket and pick up your purse, slinging it over your shoulder and leaving your apartment. You toss the book you’ve been reading into your bag, planning to read it while you sit and eat. Pancake gives a sleepy meow of protest but you just smile and lock the door behind you.

The diner is just as small as Marcus described it to you: just a short line of booths along the windows and a smattering of tables in the middle. There’s a colorful, warm-toned tile floor that juxtaposes the warm green of the walls and the smell of fresh coffee and pancakes wafting through the air. Quiet classic swing music filling the atmosphere. You can see why he likes it: it automatically makes you smile.

You sit in one of the booths, facing away from the door, and the kind waitress takes your order: chocolate chip pancakes and an English breakfast tea. The air conditioning is blasting, making you chilly. You tighten your jacket around yourself and sip the tea when it arrives, adding cream and sugar.

Cracking open the book, you cross your legs and lose yourself in the book. The restaurant has a calming aura, and you can feel the tea warming you from the inside. It’s fitting that Marcus loves this place, you think to yourself.

When the pancakes come not long after, you take a bite and almost groan in happiness. It’s absolutely delicious: Marcus was most definitely right. Disappointingly, you have to go to the bathroom about three bites in.

Even the bathrooms are cute, you discover. When you return, someone else sits a booth away, another lone diner at this godforsaken hour of night, facing the door. You can see the back of what appears to be a man’s head, neatly trimmed brown hair and a brown leather jacket over their neck and shoulders. Sitting back down, your back to the other customer’s, you return to your book and continue to eat your chocolate chip pancakes.

The customer and waitress are talking, but you don’t pay much attention, too enraptured by your book. It’s quiet again after the man puts in his order, and you enjoy the soft jazz music that makes you tap your foot in time against the tile.

There’s a buzzing and the melodic sound of a phone’s ringtone; one of the defaults that a phone provides. Your heart skips a beat as you hear the man pick up. “Agent Pike.”

That can’t be your Agent Pike, can it? You turn and listen and realize it’s definitely him, from his voice and the way he holds himself and the stack of- of course, blueberry pancakes and a hot coffee set in front of him.

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. Let me write that down.” Marcus types something into his phone. “See you then. At the office? Good. Alright, see you.” He hangs up.

Standing, you tuck your book back in your purse and put the bag over your shoulder. With one hand, you grab your plate of pancakes, and the other grabs your tea. You set them down across from him and slide into the booth, grinning. “Huh. Agent Pancakes, here, in the middle of the night. How unusual.”

Marcus’s tired face lights up in excitement. “What?” He laughs, his eyes scanning your face. “Why are you here?”

You shrug and take a bite of his pancakes, sighing. “Had to see if they were worth the hype. I couldn’t sleep, you got me so excited.” The blueberry pancakes are absolutely fantastic, just as good if not better than the chocolate chip ones on your plate. “Damn, you were right.”

“Hey,” he laughs and pulls his plate closer to his chest. “Don’t touch my pancakes.”

You make pleading pouty eyes, frowning a little. “Can’t we share?” You tease. It already feels like you’ve known him for years, even though this is your first time seeing him in person.

Marcus sighs. “I suppose,” he says and rolls his eyes in sarcasm, pushing his plate back out so you can access it.

Marcus is beyond stunned, absolutely enraptured in how beautiful you are in person. If he thought he fell on that video call earlier, he’s now reached the very bottom of that cliff, the impact of your everything stealing the air from his lungs. God, he wants nothing more than to kiss you right now, on those lips coated in blueberry juice and maple syrup.

The two of you spend quite some time so there, just talking and continuing the conversation where it left off before. The waitress refills Marcus’s coffee twice and your tea once. “So who called you when you were sitting alone?” You ask him as you bring the white porcelain mug to your lips, sipping at the creamy tea.

He sighs. “Guy I work with, his name’s Patrick. He’s a douchebag, I can’t lie,” he says with a chuckle, and his heart flutters at the way you give a soft laugh back. “Just telling me the details. I leave in about 6 hours. I’ll be in Singapore for a couple of weeks.”

“Singapore?” You exclaim, eyes wide as your fork clanks against your plate. “You better be able to contact me.”

He shakes his head. “I told you, I’m going undercover. I can’t.” He sighs, and he dares to reach out and touch you, to reassure you that he’s there and himself that you’re real, that you’re right there. “Will you wait for me?”

Your heart melts, from an already slush-covered river to a rushing rapids. “Of course, Marcus.” It makes his heart skip a beat. You’ve called him lots of nicknames, but never his real name. Something is painfully intimate about it. “I like you a lot; why wouldn’t I?” You ask, shrugging as if it’s the simplest thing. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

When you finish your meals, Marcus picks up both tabs, despite your protesting. “Can I walk you to your place?” He asks as you both stand and adjust your jackets.

You nod and take his hand. The lights of the city are seemingly extra dim tonight, leaving the street lights to illuminate your beautiful face as the two of you stroll along. You have all the time in the world, don’t you? It’s 1:30 in the morning. You’re both already evading sleep desperately. A little more time together can’t hurt.

His hand never leaves yours, his fingers lacing through your knuckles. You chat quietly, as if you could wake the sleeping city from the peaceful blue drone of a weeknight morning into its daily splendor of horns and hordes of speedy pedestrians.

Marcus bumps your shoulder with his, making you stumble a little to the side and laugh as you look up at his gorgeous face. His face reflects the love you’re both feeling, almost giving the city around you a pink glaze of warmth from the rose-colored glasses you must have placed over his eyes.

The walk draws to an end, as you stand at the entrance to your apartment building. Marcus’s body looks so soft and inviting, and you dare to wrap your arms around his neck and hug him to your chest. “I don’t want you to go, Agent Pancakes,” you murmur into the soft skin of his neck, which is starting to get a shadow of stubble.

Marcus kisses the top of your head. He doesn’t move either, prolonging this time you have together before he can’t see you. “I don’t want to go. I’ve never wanted to stay here more than I do now, but I have to.” His arms wrap around your waist, strong and safe.

Lifting your head, you look up at him, your noses practically touching from the proximity you share. The world feels like a bubble around you two, like some impenetrable one-way material that makes it so if Marcus leaves now, he can never come back. “Well, it’s gonna be a long time, a month or two,” you say with a sad smile. “We’ll have to begin again.”

Marcus shakes his head, his brown eyes almost welling with tears. “There’s no one else I’d want to begin again with.” With that, he looks in your eyes, the question hanging there. Wait for me?

Always, you respond silently by pressing your lips to his, kissing him slowly in the orange glow of your apartment building’s entrance. He kisses back, his lips tasting of coffee and maple and blueberry, yours tasting like chocolate and tea.

You squeeze your arms tighter around him, getting on your tiptoes to be as physically close as you can to him. He has one hand on either side of your rib cage, holding you there as he kisses back with all of the passion and love he has.

It can’t last too long or he’ll never leave. He won’t be able to. He breaks away after a few moments, his lips close to yours. He presses your foreheads together, arms encircling you again. “I have to go. I have to be at the office in an hour.”

You lift your head and your brow furrows in confusion. “Then why did you take so long to walk and eat with me?” You laugh quietly.

Marcus shrugs. “Didn’t want to leave you yet,” he admits, his eyes trained on yours. He gives you one last painfully gentle kiss. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more,” you say with a sad smile. “You’ve been my distraction lately. Whenever I’m bored, I text you.”

He sighs, the confession increasing his frown. “I’ll be in an entirely new place, without you.”

“But I’ll be here, in my same old life without you in it.”

The words punch a hole through Marcus’s heart. It’s true; he’ll have new distractions, new things to do. You’ll be here with a Marcus Pike-shaped hole in your heart. He kisses your forehead, the wheels turning in his head. “If you get a call in the next few weeks from an unknown number, be sure to answer it, okay?”

You nod and smile softly. “You need to go. Go.”

He nods and his hand squeezes yours. “I can’t wait to begin again with you.” With that, Marcus Pike, Agent Pancakes, whatever you want to call him, the man you’re highly suspecting might be your soulmate, walks off into the slightly chilly D.C. night.

taglist:

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#marcus pike #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike headcanons #pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #the mentalist #the mentalist fanfiction #begin again

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reidscanehand · 3 years

Note

hiii! i love your writing so so much, especially your Hotch work, I just think you write his character in such a lovely way<‘33 i’m always looking forward to your updates💕

i was just curious if you could share some of your favourite books? it’s always so interesting to see what people read, and you mention so many great books in your writing, so you obviously have taste🥰

Hello - this is so so sweet and I’m so glad you enjoy my stuff; that’s so nice!

And of course I can! I actually work in a book store right now, so I read and talk about books a lot. It’s most of my day, which is really nice.

So, in terms of favorites...

Non-Fiction:

1. How to Be a Heroine or What I Learned from Reading Too Much by Samantha Ellis - This is a memoir and the author tells her life story around the books that she was reading around that time (Cold Comfort Farm in grad school, Pride and Prejudice when she starts dating, Gone with the Wind around dieting, etc.). It’s beautifully intimate and sweet and a really excellent memoir about becoming a writer.

2. White Hot Grief Parade by Alexandra Silber - A memoir about the year following the tragic death of the author’s father. I truly have never read a better book about grief.

3. Ayoade on Top by Richard Ayoade - This is a film critique cum autobiography where comedian and filmmaker Richard Ayoade tells his life story while also talking about the film View from the Top. Comedic gold.

4. Boy by Roald Dahl - This is a memoir of the famous children’s author’s early years as a boy in England. You can see where you get a lot of the inspiration for his books and it’s wonderfully written (also a relatively quick read).

5. And the Dead Shall Rise by Steve Oney - This is an in-depth true crime/historical recounting of the Leo Frank case. This is a very infamous case that happened at the turn of the century in Georgia. It’s hard to get through (the crime is quite gruesome), but it’s a really well-done book.

Fiction:

1. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury - The most poetic, spooky, wonderfully written book I’ve ever read. I don’t even want to give too much away, but I read this almost every fall (I have a few books that I try to read in the fall because they make me feel spooky and fun - others include Which Witch by Eva Ibbotson and the second Harry Potter book by she-who-must-not-be-named) and it’s perfect for this time of year. It’s about a carnival that comes to town and changes the lives of two boys. Just read it; it’s the best.

2. Emma by Jane Austen - This is my personal favorite Jane Austen novel. Emma Woodhouse was also Jane Austen’s personal favorite heroine that she ever wrote. It’s romantic, witty, fun, and an absolute delight to read.

3. Any Nancy Drew book by Carolyn Keene - I collect Nancy Drew books and I find them incredibly comforting. My grandma introduced me to them and I used to read, like, one a day as a kid. My favorites are Mystery at Lilac Inn and The Hidden Staircase, but they’re all great, if not a little dated.

4. Brooklyn by Colm Toibin - There’s a movie adaptation of this book starring Saoirse Ronan, and I loved it, too. This is the story of Eilis Lacey, an Irish immigrant who moves to New York City in the 1950s. It’s an excellent piece of historical fiction and it also is a really cathartic read about homesickness.

5. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens - Dickens is a bit of a hard read, but this is a great way to break into his work. The full title is actually: A Christmas Carol. In Prose. Being a Ghost Story of Christmas and it definitely reads more as a ghost story than any adaptation would make you think (also, my personal favorite adaptation is The Muppets’ Christmas Carol because it’s a masterpiece).

I hope this answered your question and if you read any of these or like them, please let me know! xx

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everychriseigemancharacter · 3 years

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Nick Smith. Metropolitan (1990)

In interviews, people are often surprised that Chris Eigeman is nothing like his character in Metropolitan, which I find odd. Having seen the majority of his filmography before watching this one, I expected to see the Baby Muppets version of Jason Stiles or Max Belmont, but this is a completely different character.

He radiates a manic energy that you don’t really see in a lot of his other roles—a quality made especially interesting when the character Jane accuses him of acting unforgivably weird:

“We know you’re a hypocrite…That you’re totally impossible and out of control with some sort of drug problem and a fixation on what you consider Rick Von Slonaker’s wickedness. You’re a snob, a sexist, totally obnoxious and tiresome, and lately you’ve gotten just weird.”

He also doesn’t do nearly as much eye acting in this role, which I will attribute to the fact that the majority of the movie was comprised of overnight shoots and the actors were all apparently exhausted.

Unlike with Disco and a few other movies on the list, I actually got the Criterion Collection release and watched the alternate casting of Will Kempe in the role of Nick, and I initially found myself thinking he was the obvious choice for the character. I probably would have cast him instead of Chris Eigeman, and the world would have been worse for it. Having given the movie a few more rewatches (it’s seriously so good) I can no longer see anyone else in the role of Nick, and I have to wonder how much of Vincent Kartheiser’s portrayal of Pete Campbell or even Michael Gladis’ portrayal of Paul Kinsey was based on Nick’s worst qualities.

Ranking: 7. This young porcelain doll will flirt with you all week and then sleep with the sluttiest girl in your friend group even though she’s thirsting after his arch nemesis!

Fun Synchronicity:

1.) This is the only movie on the list that was nominated for an Academy Award (Best Original Screenplay) which was a Billy Crystal year. In the Gilmore Girls episode “Afterboom,” Jason refers to what’s happening to him as “one of those crazy, not so funny Billy Crystal at the Oscars kind of jokes.”

2.) In the Gilmore Girls episode “Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!,” Lorelai tells everyone how Jason did the cha-cha at a summer camp talent show, a dance with which Nick Smith is all too familiar.

#whit stillman #metropolitan #independent film

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do-what-the-knight-tells-you · 3 years

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Tag game - Quarantine version

Tagged by @leviosally

Are you staying home from work/school? Sort of. I do several things part time throughout the year, and a bunch of that stuff (like summer camps/programs etc) got completely cancelled. Some things filled the gaps, but overall it was a lot more like being fired for the year. 🙈 And we're still not quite back, with that, particularly with an international summer gig I was expecting which is Also not gonna happen this year too. 🙈 (In this case the frustration is because I absolutely understand and agree with why it's not going down, but we're literally also seeing a resurgence of the troubles in Belfast, which is exactly what the fuck we said was going to happen after Brexit, and one of the programs I work with is involved in attempting to deescalate sectarian tensions between youth, etc, so like, this would be a great time to be planning that for this summer... Siiiiiiigh)

If you’re staying home, who is with you? Mostly my brother and I, three big dogs, and an inappropriate number of plants. Several new gardens have developed in the backyard and I'm pretending I don't know how that happened. XD

Are you a homebody? Yup. I mean, I definitely used to get out for non-work-related reasons far more than I do, but yeah. Could be a lot worse. Definitely I haven't minded the bulk of the not-going-places.

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled? Summer employment. But also, my very close friends and I were planning a road trip and a week of hanging out in an Airbnb with a trip to a Renaissance festival we've never been to before in the middle, towards the end of last summer, which obviously did not end up happening, both because the festival itself wisely decided to shut down, and because, without vaccination yet at that time, we knew it was unsafe to be in a car together for 12 hours, even if we could have done a reasonable job of keeping ourselves safe from Other people once we were where we were going.

What movies have you watched recently? Hm. I don't watch a lot of movies, but I did watch the live stream of the taping of the 2012 UK arena tour for Jesus Christ Superstar, which is quite possibly my favorite run on that musical. Delightful. Also I think I watched Muppet treasure Island the other day. Also delightful. XD very nostalgic. XD

What shows are you watching? SGA with some excellent folks on discord. MASH and sometimes Naruto in my downtime when I just need something to fill the silence or kill a little time. Oh, sort of The Hexer with @badwolfbadwolf which I expect we will get back to when there is a little more time this summer. Also the occasional episode rewatch for Teen Wolf so I can chat with @ligeiasand about them. XD 💚💚💯💯💯💯

What music are you listening to? Last week was a lot of Jesus Christ Superstar. XD this week has been The decemberists and the Longest Johns. And of course the Amazing Devil is never far away, nor is Laura Jane Grace and Against Me. 💚💯💯💯

What are you reading? just finished Andrew Seidel's the Founding Myth: Why Christian Nationalism is Un-American, which was good, if obviously written by a lawyer. XD he gets into discussions about the degree to which Christianity did or did not influence the foundations of American government (spoiler: it didn't, except as an example of the way they did Not want to run their government), and also the ways that the myth or lie that this is or should be an explicitly Christian Nation have been constructed over the years and decades in moments where leaders and politicians saw an opportunity to encode their private believes into public structure, and finally how all that fed into the last guy's presidency over here, and eventually the insurrection on January 6th. I'm about to start either These Divided Shores by Sarah Raasch (I had mixed feelings on the first one but I'm hoping the second one will improve on it) or The Black Prism by Brent Weeks.

What are you doing for self-care? brushing dogs, being up to my elbows in dirt, playing Pokemon go. XD

Thanks friend! I tag Wolfie and ligeia of course, and also @hedwig-dordt @kylo-thecrybaby @lyriumwolf and to anyone else who sees this and wants to do it, consider yourself tagged!

#tag game #quarantine discussion

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iamartemisday · 4 years

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Merry Christmas, Miss Foster! Part One

A/N: For Lokane Week, I am resurrecting the Miss Foster series!

Well sort of. The next official part of the series has been half written for... some time now. I’m working on it, but there’s a lot of other stuff going on. You know how it goes.

For those unfamiliar, the Miss Foster series is an all human AU in which Jane is a second grade teacher who ends up with Loki’s three children in his class. Said kids are a bit too smart for their ages and decide Jane is exactly the kind of person their billionaire single father needs. And since there are LOKI’S children we’re talking about, they get into some wacky hijinks along the way.

This story is honestly in kind of a grey area in terms of continuity. It’s sort of like an anime movie where the timeline isn’t clear and it’s kind of just contained within itself. Semi-canon so to speak.

Regardless, whether you know this verse or not, I hope you all enjoy and I’ll see you again tomorrow!

The Odinson family had a log cabin nestled on a hilltop in the heart of Lake Placid. The only thing that shocked Jane was that it wasn’t three stories.

Snow was freshly fallen, just in time for the holidays. The sky was bright white, clouds masking the sun in preparation of another wintery onslaught. Riding in the back of a limousine, Jane flipped through several hundred stations, almost all of which were playing the same old Christmas music she knew by heart. Some of them were her favorite songs of all time. Many others she’d happily tear her eardrums out before she listened to them again.

At least the roads were clear, at least for now. The forecast called for clear skies until the 20th, when Jack Frost descended to unleash the full force of his icy fury upon the unsuspecting New York populace. Or so the weatherman rather hammily declared.

Which begged the question: why did Loki want to spend Christmas in the middle of the woods?

Another question: why did Jane agree to go with them?

It was the kids. She needed to face facts and admit to herself that for all her posturing and assertion of authority as their teacher, those three little angels wielded the power of the puppy dog eyes, and they were not afraid to use it.

“We bought this cabin from an old man who used it as a hunting lodge,” said Jormungandr. He flipped through the book in his lap. As always, it was roughly the size of his entire body. “He used to come out here with his two sons during deer season. Then one of them moved away and the other decided to be a vegan. Now he’s in Florida with his wife. He said the weather would do wonders for his aching joints.”

“I’m surprised you remember all that,” Jane mumbled.

“Dad’s offer nearly gave him a heart attack,” said Fenrir, stretching out in his seat like he was desperate to move. “His asking price was way lower.”

“But it was worth the money,” Hela proclaimed, beaming so hard her entire face glowed. Even the scars were less apparent. “And we fixed it up real nice. We go out and chop down a giant tree, and we decorate it and we put up lights and-”

“We don’t need a play-by-play,” Fenrir snapped, shoving his sister. “And quit yelling in my ear.”

“I wasn’t yelling!” Hela yelled. “Maybe you just need to clean your ears out.”

“Maybe you do!”

“Do not.”

“Do too!”

“See?” Jormungandr smiled. “Not even any hair-pulling. They’re already in the holiday spirit.”

“They most certainly are,” said Loki.

He drove over a rough patch in the road, the tires grinding through the rocks and making the inside jostle. Jane held tight to the dashboard until the road smoothed out. As expected, Loki had no reaction to it at all. He guided the car along the dirt path like he’d been doing it all his life. Like maybe he came out every summer to hunt deer now. Jane tried to picture him in a plaid shirt with a vest over it and a hunter’s cap. She wished she could laugh at the ridiculous idea, but like everything else the asshole wore, the idea just made her cheeks warm.

The mountains were lovely, she couldn’t deny that. Swathes of fir trees and a pure white sky gave the jagged cliff sides that picturesque quality Thomas Kinkade painting were made for. In fact, Jane was pretty sure she had seen these mountains in one of his greeting cards. Maybe Loki owned land around the cabin and licensed it out. For all she knew, they filmed Hallmark movies out here. Hell, maybe she was about to star in her own Hallmark movie.

Rich, handsome single father locked in a cabin for a week with his children’s second grade teacher. It practically wrote itself.

“What’s funny?” Loki asked.

Jane started. “Huh? I wasn’t laughing.”

“But you were smiling.”

“Smiling doesn’t mean something is funny,” Jane sat up straighter in her seat, “I might just like to smile.”

“Like Buddy the Elf?”

“Yes, exactly. Thank you, Hela.”

The little girl beamed, her lips lined with chocolate as she reached for the bowl of M&Ms. “Maybe we can watch it tomorrow. Tonight is The Muppet Christmas Carol.”

“Since when do you get to decide what movie we watch?” Fenrir snatched the M&Ms away. “I want to watch Die Hard.”

“Die Hard is for the 26th, Fenrir,” Hela retorted.

“Guys, come on,” Jane said, adjusting the rear view mirror to see them better. “We can decide when we get there what to watch. And don’t eat all of those. You’re going to get sick.”

“Don’t worry, they’re sugar free,” said Fenrir. “Otherwise, we’d have Jormungandr tied up in the trunk so he can’t get at them.”

“I can hear you, you know,” Jormungandr said, slamming his book shut.

“Welcome to the Odinson family Christmas,” he muttered in her ear. “Are you happy you said yes?”

Jane stared out the window as another pile of rocks whizzed by. “I’ll let you know.”

The car crawled higher and higher up the hillside. Every time Jane thought she saw a wooden roof in the distance, Loki turned a new corner. The town below had long since vanished. She wondered if they’d ever see it again. Someone had turned the radio on. The children sang along to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, their off-key but passionate interpretation earning applause from Jane and a smile from Loki.

By the time the shadow of a slanted roof came into view, they’d gone through Christmastime Is Here and that Alvin and the Chipmunks song. Now the music faded into the background as Jane beheld a palace of a cabin in the woods. Polished wood with a stone chimney. A covered patio and an observation deck overlooking the trees. In the back was a small structure, possibly a shed or even an indoor jacuzzi. Jane had learned never to assume with this family, and always expect the unexpected.

“By the way, our basement pool is currently closed,” Loki said as they pulled into the driveway. “We’re having issues with the heating system, but someone will be out to fix it shortly.”

“Great. I didn’t even pack a suit…”

The cold smacked Jane in the face as soon as she was out of the car. Looking around, there were ice patches everywhere. Some had been dissolved with rocksalt, but what remained made the front lawn resemble a minefield. It was a sentiment not shared by the kids, who raced to the front porch, cheering all the way.

“We’re going to have so much fun!” Jormungandr hopped in place. “We’re going to put up the tree and sing Christmas carols and bake cookies and wrap presents and build snowmen and-”

“Are you sure those M&Ms were sugar free?” Fenrir asked Hela, who shrugged.

“Now now, children,” Loki chided them, “remember we’re not alone this year. Grandmother, Grandfather, Uncle Thor, and Aunt Sif will be along in just a few days. We want to kept this place clean and presentable for them, don’t we?”

“Yes, Dad,” the triplets said. They walked up the stairs, speaking softly, and didn’t start screaming again until they were safely inside.

“A whole week out here,” Jane said, taking in the crisp mountain air. “Here I thought I’d just spend Christmas with a bowl of cereal again.”

“It won’t be that much of a change of scenery,” Loki said as the second car trailing behind them finally caught up. Out stepped a man glaring daggers at Loki. Luckily, Jane had convinced him not to actually bring any weapons. “I was nice enough to invite your dear brother along.”

“Yeah, you’re a saint, pal,” Bucky said, pushing past him. He managed to smile at Jane. Not even Loki’s presence could completely dampen his mood.

“Whoo! That was a hell of a ride!” Bucky’s passenger proclaimed, stumbling out of the car.

Loki sniffed. “And your… Darcy.”

Jane nodded. “Yeah, that was real nice of you.”

“You guys are lucky I couldn’t afford to go home this year,” Darcy said, flashing them a thumbs up. “By the way, I brought my own Menorah. Any place in there I can put it up?”

“The mantle should do nicely,” Loki said. “Just don’t touch anything.”

“I will do my best to respect your humble abode, Major Moneybags!” Darcy skipped along, leaving the pair, finally, completely alone.

“She needs to think up some more creative nicknames,” Loki observed, hand on his chin. “Why does she follow you everywhere?”

“Well, when I first moved into my apartment, she came over to ask if I had one of those whipped cream makers,” Jane sighed, “and then she just kind of never left.”

Loki hummed, and with that, they started for the porch. Luck, as it turned out, was on Jane’s side. She made it a full three steps before she slipped. With a yelp, she grabbed blindly for the nearest sturdy object. She hung on tight as her eyes unclouded and her mind reoriented itself. It was only then that rough leathery material in her hand shifted. Loki raised his arm, pulling Jane with him. She continued to cling to him, blinking stupidly at his chiselled features. It hit her all too late that they probably shouldn’t be doing this.

“Uh…” Jane said, stepping away and almost slipping again. “Thanks. Sorry.”

Loki pocketed his hands and glided across the ice patches, like he controlled them as much as he did everything else in his life. “Do be more careful next time.”

“Right.” Jane shuffled after her, head bowed, face boiling.

This was going to be a long Christmas.

#Lokane #Jane Foster #Loki #Lokane Week #Lokane Week Holiday Celebration #Day One #Snow and Ice

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hardlylo · 5 years

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holding onto you

synopsis: in which y/n and ben talk about life

warnings: fluff??? feelings. f!reader

note: starting out my ben journey with some serious fluff bc why not? feedback is always welcome! word count: 1358

tag list: i don’t have one yet but feel free to message me to be added !!

the crisp english air blew through the night, leaving the faint smells of growing flowers as it passed over y/n’s skin. the back porch was her favorite spot. it was a place she could escape to when she needed some air. a place to sit, listen to the crickets, and contemplate about whatever came to mind: usually work, life, and ben. it was a serene environment, giving her the calmness of night after dealing with the business of the day.

goosebumps rose onto her skin as she gently rubbed her hand over her arm, trying to create frictioned heat. as if on cue, ben appeared from the glass door, sweatshirt in hand. he made his way over to the y/hc, taking a seat next to her on the porch swing. his arm automatically wrapped over her shoulders, something he was so used to doing. “figured you’d be cold.” he murmured, placing the garment on her lap.

y/n hummed in response, pulling the woolly clothing over her body. the goosebumps subsided instantly, her body grateful for the warmth. “i was actually just thinking of how chilly the wind was.”

ben nodded with a soft smile, bringing his hand to softly run through her hair nonchalantly. “what are you even doing out here, sweets?” he questioned.

“just thinking.” y/n stated with a shrug of her shoulders. a lot seemed to be happening through the month. numerous friends’ engagement, wedding, and baby announcements fluttered through social media. it was as if everyone’s lives were reaching new heights and levels while y/n’s remained stationary. not that she wasn’t happy with her situation: an adoring boyfriend, gorgeous shared home, sweet little frankie, and a career on the rise. but the hope of more always sat in the back of her mind.

“about what exactly?” he quizzed, lightly tapping her nose with his pointer. “it must be serious. feels like you’ve been out here for ages.”

y/n giggled, letting her head come to rest on his shoulder, nose nudged under his chin. “have i ever told you you’re over dramatic?” she mused. “ ‘m just thinking about all these bridesmaids dresses i’ll be paying for.”

“who’s getting married now?” he asked. for the two years that ben and y/n had been together, he had quickly come to know her circle of friends. she didn’t think so, but he actually paid attention to her daily gossip gabbing. it was one of his favorite parts of the day. y/n making dinner for the night, pacing around the kitchen while she spewed all the drama of the day. who said what, who slept with who, who cussed out who. he held on to every word, throwing in comments here and there just to see how riled she would get.

y/n huffed, a small pout on her lips. “jane and danny.” it wasn’t that she disliked the two, or that she wasn’t happy for them. but, the other two had only been together for a very short time. y/n never expected them to get engaged so quickly-let alone before her and ben. she couldn’t help but feel the pang of jealousy deep in her stomach. she wasn’t one to rush-it was never her intention to make ben feel as if he had to propose by a certain time frame. but it was such a high hope in y/n’s life goal to marry ben-she just couldn’t wait for the time to come.

“well good for them!” ben chuckled, pulling y/n away from his shoulder to see her expression. his hand caressed her cheek, thumb lightly running up and down. “you don’t seem too happy though.”

“oh no!” y/n quickly exclaimed, her eyes widening in the glow of the porch light. “I am happy for them! don’t get me wrong. i know jane will have a fantastic wedding.”

ben cocked his head to the side, a quizical smirk on is lips. “then what is it? you’re terrible at hiding your expressions, muppet.”

she sighed, a blush creeping to her face. “it’s nothing-” y/n swore with a shake of her head. “it’s really stupid, actually. i shouldn’t even feel this way. i mean i have no reason to. nothing’s wrong or seems to be wrong. and i hate being that person-y’know? but ugh-god-”

the blonde pressed his forehead to hers, laughing at her anxious ramblings. “sweet heart, y/n, you’re rambling a mile a minute. just tell me what it is-you know i never judge you.”

y/n’s pout grew bigger, her eyes flicking up to look directly into his. she pulled away, bringing his hand down from her face to intertwine with her. “do you ever see us getting married?”

ben sat in silence for a moment. a few answers flew through his mind. of course this was something he had thought of before. it was something he had been thinking of since their six month anniversary. his head fell back with a hearty laugh, his hand squeezing hers. “are you joking?”

her pitiful stare answered his question. the wrinkles on her forehead beginning to appear from her small grimace. “of course i’m not joking.” she huffed.

“love,” he started, leaving a kiss to her hand. “do you really think i’d move my entire life to be with you if i hadn’t already thought of marrying you? we share a house together-a dog, a bed, cars, everything. i’ve met your family, you’ve met mine. i come home to you every single day. i’ve seen you sick, healthy, happy, sad. i’ve thought about the whole marriage thing for a while now.”

y/n’s heart fluttered, pulse slightly racing. the idea of remaining with one single person for the rest of her life was something that used to terrify her. two lives completely intertwined with each other. she was an absolute anxious mess when ben had asked her to move in. he would see her at her most vulnerable moments. but it did nothing but solidify the fact that she wanted ben through every moment of her life: wedding, first child, every birthday and holiday, everything. “you really mean that?”

“of course i do,” he mused. “but, i want it to be a freaking surprise!” they laughed together, hands still clasped together. “i’m sorry, but at this point you’re stuck with me. we’ll get there someday. you’ll never see it coming though, but it will. someday. hopefully sooner rather than later.”

yn let out a hum of a sigh, the nauseous feeling in her stomach subsiding. “i’ll take that.”

“you better.” ben jokingly threatened, letting go of her hand to stand up from the porch swing.

his hand held out to her, “let’s get inside, poppet. it’s freezing out here and i’m pretty sure your little reality show comes on soon.”

y/n let him pull her from her seat, her legs aching from where she sat so long.”you know me so well, jones.”

“well i have to! i can’t let you miss out. i know how badly you’re wanting to see who gets the final rose. you’ve only been talking about it for weeks.” he chuckled, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

“oh my god! do you really think luke will get it? i swear he’s such a chump i honestly don’t know how he made it so far.” she began to ramble again, practically pulling him towards the glass sliding doors.

ben followed along amusingly, adoring the excitement in her voice. “i hope he wins.” he teased, trying his best to rile her up.

y/n pulled the door open with a huff, her eyes rolling at his comment. before she could step foot into the warmed house, she felt ben stop behind her. she looked back, glancing at his moonlit face.

“i love you, you know that?” he grinned, his eyes glowing with nothing but love and adoration.

“i love you too, benny.” y/n cooed, a small smile playing on her lips. “now come on! i can’t believe i’m going to miss it because you’re being such a sap.”

ben closed the doors behind him, letting out a howl of a laugh. “i’m the sap? whatever you say, my love, whatever you say.”

#ben hardy imagine #ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy fluff #gif credit: borhaprph

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hitchell-mope · 5 years

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Ok. Listen. This is going to be a rant. So I’m forewarning you. This is gonna get mean and there are going to be opinions in this that the vast majority of descendants fans will not agree with.

I like Mal. She’s my sixth favourite character after Ben Jay Carlos Doug and Gil. But I do not like her actress. So please assume that unless I’m talking explicitly about the movies (IE. Tagging descendants 2 or 3) the the Mal in all my headcanons and chats and au’s is a zendaya. Cause I vastly prefer her. I do not think Mal is perfect. In fact I think she’s as far from perfect as a Disney character can be short of being an out and out villain. That’s why I like her. I’ve been mad at her a grand total of four times throughout the films so far.

Love potion

Snapping st Carlos

Attempted memory erasure

Bal scene in the hideout

Do I like how bal happened. No. Not by a long shot. Do I wish they’d gotten together differently. Yes, in fact I’ve cut out the potion from all my au’s but villain ruled Auradon but that’s only cause I had evil Ben find out in part two. Do I think Mal made up for it. Yes. Do I think she can be a dick. Also yes. As far as I’m concerned descendants 2 was just a giant middle finger thrown up against Mal chucking everything stupid she’s done back in her face. Ben’s not a pushover. He’s sweet. He’s innocent. He can be naive. But he damn well knows where to draw the line. Mal has never forced him to stay with her. She left because she believed she wasn’t good enough. And if you look at her face in the d2 date. She looks horrified at what she almost did. And Ben more then rightfully yelled at her. It all could’ve benn avoided if she had just sat and talked to him or jay. Cause. I’m sorry. But Evie wasn’t much help. Yeah Mal didn’t articulate very well and Evie was most likely stressed with back orders. But they should have at least tried. And with regard to the talk with Carlos that wasn’t. She really should’ve worded it better. And he should’ve put the conversation back on track after lettuce hair interrupted.

I don’t like chad. I don’t like Audrey. I don’t like Harry. And I’ll tell you why. Chad manipulated Evie into doing his homework for him. Then dropped her like a hot potato when Audrey deigned to show interest in him. I’ve never liked these whole rich girl head bitch in charge type character Disney seems intent on putting in their movies. I never liked Tess Tyler. I never liked Sharpay Evans. And I’ve never liked Audrey. I despise the way she talked to Evie when they first met. Yeah she may have been right. But did she seriously have to say that to poor Evie’s face. I don’t like Harry. Because he’s terrifying. There’s just something off about him. I’m not sure if he was written that way or his actor chose to portray him like that. But either way I just hope he’s vastly toned down in the threequel. I will however give him this. I like that he’s very obviously a feminist and a non racist. My gripes against these three characters have nothing to do with my opinions on their actors.

Now on to Ben. Brilliant amazing awesome caring compassionate adorable horribly ignored Ben. He and Mitchell are at this point the only reason I’m watching D3. K-Chen is apparently not in it and she’s the only reason I watched the first one. Ben is the catalyst for everything in the movie. He’s the first person to appear on screen. His proclamation set off the plot. He willingly went to the island when Mal most likely write in her letter to not go after her. He is the freaking male lead. I’m sorry jay. I love you. But it’s the truth. And the franchise has yet to include a duet between the main freaking couple. Which is completely stupid cause Ben is probably who all parents want their boys to be. Chad is who they say to stay away from. Ben Jay and Carlos are the most important male characters in the franchise. With Doug coming up as a very close second

I don’t like malvie. At all. I didn’t mind it to begin with but the more I went on the descendants tag and bal tag and Ben tag I saw posts completely disregarding bal and Ben. And then I saw a post that completely assassinated Ben’s character. I’m not saying what the post said to protect all parties involved. But for me it kinda crossed a line. I love jaylos. It’s the only non canon pairing from the movies that could conceivably happen in canon without the two parties having to make a complete 180 on personality. But I don’t hate janelos. I’d like it to have more screen time in the new movie. I’ve got something I like to call the doctor who rule. You don’t see every single nanosecond of the characters lives. There’s six months between the first two movies. More then enough time for Carlos to develop a crush on Jane. Do I wish jaylos had happened. Yes. Have I accepted that it almost certain won’t because Disney doesn’t wanna end up the same as the muppets 2015? Yes. Will that stop me having jaylos is almost all my au’s. Fuck no. But I’ve resolved to also ship janelos. Cause you can’t deny. They cute together

I am not fussed about hades potentially being Mal’s father. In fact I’m kinda looking forward to it. This is because I used to ship Hades and Maleficent back when house of mouse was on. And yeah I know that in the books it’s said that daddy dearest is a human. But villains lie. And I personally much rather prefer it if hades was her father because if her dad is in this movie and he’s not Hades. Then he’s Facillier. And ABSOLUTELY NOBODY WANTS THAT. On the other hand. I’d love it if Facillier were Uma’s father. It’d be awesome

I’m a multi shipper. For Ben alone I ship him with Mal jay Jane Lonnie and Gil and even with Doug to a much lesser degree. But with Evie. I just can’t ship her with anyone but Doug. I can’t see her with anyone else. Yeah. I know. It’s awful and I’m a terrible person. But I’m so far beyond caring at this point. It’s sort of like romione. They work so well together that you can’t really picture them with anyone else. Which is actually sort of weird because if I were to assign a descendants pairing to Romione it would be jaylos

Audrey hates the villain kids. Uma hates everyone from Auradon. Apart from their justified hatred of Mal. They have got nothing in common. Yeah they might bond a little over their hatred. But one of them would probably ruin it pretty damn soon. Most likely Audrey.

The following paragraphs will most likely anger a lot of you

Oustside of Uma and gil. I really don’t care about Uma’s crew. They’re background character. And they’re far less important then the main five characters (Ben Mal Jay Evie and Carlos). I like Uma cause she’s a badass. I love Gil. He’s adorable. And he’s my fifth favourite character (the first four are Ben Jay Carlos and Doug). I’ve sorted my five favourites into order of appearance. And Gil was last to show up on screen.

I love Doug. He’s the only Auradonian with any semblance of brain cells. Sorry Ben. I love you. But don’t deny that you tend not to think with your brain. The only others that have any common sense are Evie Dizzy Uma and possibly Carlos. And yeah. I know very well that a lot of fans don’t like him. But he makes Evie happy. And that’s all that really matters

They won. Grimhilde, Maleficent, Jafar and Cruella won. Snow was poisoned. Aurora was cursed. Jafar became sultan. The puppies did get kidnapped. They won. Briefly. But they won nevertheless. Conversely. Drizella was little more then her mothers chess piece. Hook was driven off his ship by a pack of preteens led by an immortal twelve year old sociopath in ballet tights. Urula got stabbed by the boyfriend of a hormonal teenage fish. Gaston fell off the roof before he could finish beast off. So it does sorta make sense that Ben chose the rotten four.

I don’t read the books. Never watched the cartoon. Too many continuities to keep track of. So I only pay attention to film canon

#disney descendants #ben florian #mal bertha #bal #anti harry x mal #anti dove cameron #mal critical #jaylos #anti malvie #janelos #devie

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paleolithique · 5 years

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@lochnessbian tagged me in this answering questions post

rules: answer 17 questions and tag 17 people

nickname: i don’t really have one that people really call me? sarah is a difficult name to shorten or nicknamify. my dad exclusively calls me by my first&middle name so i’m sarah jane which is cute.

zodiac sign: taurus sun! don’t remember the rest partially bc i don’t know my time of birth (shrug emoji)

height: 5′9″ if i’m not slouching which i am always doing

hogwarts house: i mean im a griffyndor also here’s the obligatory fuck jk rowling etc etc

last thing i googled: “walgreens hours sunday” (open til 10 pm!)

song stuck in my head: earlier it was bdg’s saturday shorts which was delightful

following: a lot? over 1000. a lot of them are probably inactive. i’ve had this blog for a long time

followers: 994 and dropping!

amount of sleep i get: too much! probably 10+ hours a night

lucky numbers: uhhhhhh idk

dream job: meteorologist! it’s what i’m studying for

wearing: keith haring tshirt, really old athletic shorts that i wear as pajama shorts

favorite songs: UHHHHHHHHHHHH that’s a really difficult question to answer. don’t stop me now - queen. season 2 episode 3 - glass animals. lilith in starlight - homestuck volume 10 (this is not a joke in the slightest.). heebiejeebies - amine. lisztomania - phoenix. trouble - cage the elephant.

instruments: like none lmao.... i used to know beginner’s level guitar

random fact: the lifting condensation level is the altitude that a given rising parcel of air becomes saturated and starts condensing into a cloud. it’s the bottom of clouds. i have a quiz tomorrow

aesthetic: a dyke that kind of wishes she lived in the 80s-90s so she could be like a bra burning protester at washington dc or whatever. but also that one picture of a muppet wearing a buttoned shirt patterned w/ chilis and striped pants EXCEPT i would have a denim jacket on top of it. this is a denim appreciation household. i own 4 levi’s 70507-style trucker jackets

i will tag as many ppl as i please which is..... none.............. tagging people makes me uncomfortable

--------------

p.s. thanks 4 tagging me! this was a lovely distraction from my imminently due homework

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rottingfruitt · 5 years

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what was she meant to do? part 2: it’s no big surprise you turned out this way

alternative chapter title: ryan instantly ran out of ideas for six lyrics as chapter titles and came dangerously close to calling this chapter “jane be like: *teen beach movie voice* what’s going on? this can’t be happening!” so we’re using random song lyrics now. anyways

chapter 2: in which anne gets diagnosed, jane is yet again a mom, and anne has a pez dispenser (AO3 link) (Part 1)

Jane sat in the psychologist’s waiting room, anxiously tapping her foot. The doctor had been with Anne for quite some time, nearing 45 minutes now, and it was impossible for Jane not to worry. The process has started with Jane calling the doctor with her fears, the doctor meeting with both Jane and Anne for a brief evaluation, and now Anne was in the process of speaking to who Jane was informed would be the final step of the whole ordeal.

The past couple weeks nearly had Jane going grey from stress. She wasn’t exactly familiar with this sort of thing, although to be fair, the entirety of her first life had been spent during a time where a woman whose behavior was thought to be too out of the ordinary was accused of witchcraft.

It started with their general practitioner, who clearly sensed that something was amiss enough to warrant a brief visit with a speech therapist. Then those results were turned over to a neurologist who met with Anne a few times, and now they were at the psychology office, where the final diagnosis would be reached. Jane’s mind was cooking up every bad outcome in the book, and each scenario seemed to end with a lobotomy, for some reason. For example, what if Anne-

Jane was shocked out of her thoughts by a “Ms. Seymour?” She nearly jumped from her seat, looking to the source of the voice, which revealed itself to be the psychologist in question.

“Ms. Seymour, we’re ready for you now,” said the doctor, flashing an unreadable smile that did nothing to soothe Jane’s nerves. She followed him to his office, where Anne was seated in a small chair in front of a large wooden desk, fumbling with a Rubix cube. She grinned when Jane walked in, flashing her a peace sign and setting the Rubix cube down - completely solved, Jane noticed.

The doctor gestured to the chair next to Anne, and Jane took a seat, while the doctor sat on the other side of the desk and leaned forward, folding his hands.

“Well, Ms. Seymour, Anne.” The doctor began. “I have to say, this case was certainly interesting.”

Jane’s eyes widened. “Interesting? How? What’s wrong? I don’t-”

The doctor held out his hand, chuckling. “Ms. Seymour, please, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s just unusual that something like this goes so long without being diagnosed.”

“Something like what?” Jane leaned forward, growing irritated with the doctor for dragging this out for so long.

“Well, autism.”

Jane sat back in her chair, digesting this. Autism. She’d heard the word before, of course, but had to admit that she had only ever associated it with children. She noticed both Anne and the doctor’s eyes on her, and blushed, clearing her throat.

“Autism. So, you mean…” She trailed off, at a loss for words. The doctor recognized this, and jumped in.

“Well, the official diagnosis is Asperger’s Syndrome. Essentially, on the autism spectrum, it would be considered ‘high functioning.’ It’s characterized by difficulties in social interaction, nonverbal communication, and restricted or repetitive patterns and interests.”

As the doctor went on about what he had observed in her to Jane, Anne tuned him out and let her mind wander.

She tried to formalize how she was feeling about all of this. The doctor had told her that she was a bit different than other people. Well, duh, she thought, she had eleven fingers for god’s sake. But then he’d explained that it was something in her brain that was wired differently than what was the norm. He said it was something that made her think and act differently than other people, and that what she’d explained about feeling like the odd one out was expected of someone with this condition, especially in a house of five other people. She’d asked if this was the answer to why she was such a ‘half-witted muppet,’ as Aragon had described her when Anne tripped over her shoelace and brought down a display of mannequins in a store the week prior, but the doctor had only chuckled at that, so Anne was still pondering that one.

All in all, Anne wasn’t too worried. The doctor had finished their appointment by assuring her that she had nothing to worry about or to be ashamed of, and seeing as he was the one with the PhD, Anne was satisfied.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Jane’s hand settling on her shoulder, making Anne jump in her chair.

“Here,” the doctor was saying. “I suggest taking time to look through this with your family, and you of course have my number if you have any questions.”

He handed Jane a thick packet of paper, with the words “AUTISM IN ADULTS” emblazoned on the front in large, bold, letters.

Jane thanked him and rose from her chair, Anne following suit. The pair exchanged a few parting words with the doctor, and they were out the door.

On the ride home, Jane was walking on eggshells trying to talk to Anne about the news.

“You’re sure you’re okay, sweetie? It’s perfectly understandable if this is hard to wrap your head around, it’s pretty big news.”

Anne shrugged, popping a candy out of a Spider-Man Pez Dispenser.

“I’m fine. Everything made sense, and he said there wasn’t anything to worry about. Can we get Slurpees?”

Jane couldn’t help but chuckle, brought back down closer to earth by Anne’s incredibly on-brand response.

“Yeah, yeah, of course we can. But, just remember, if you ever need to talk about anything, we’re here for you, okay? All of us.”

Anne didn’t take her eyes off the road ahead, but a large grin spread across her face. “I know, Jane. Thank you.”

—-

That evening, Jane, Parr, and Aragon had taken up residence in Parr’s study, pouring over the booklet Jane had been given from the psychiatrist, as well as a few books and websites they’d dug up.

“...one sided, long winded speech about a favourite topic...intense and passionate focus on one or two interests, hyperfixation…that’s definitely Anne.” Parr sighed, reading from her computer. “I mean, she’s probably more obsessed with frogs and salamanders than most herpetologists,” she snorted. “Remember one of our first group interviews? The second Anne mentioned her tadpole pool it took Aragon dragging her out by her ear AND the promise of waffles to get her out of there.”

Aragon chuckled at the memory, turning a page in the pamphlet. “And what about this? ‘A clumsy, awkward gait or walk.’ I mean, that’s just textbook Anne, isn’t it? Or ‘failure to respect interpersonal boundaries.’ I’d say that Anne’s got herself wrapped around someone at least ninety percent of the time.”

Jane let out a sigh, rubbing her tired eyes. “I do have to admit, it really does make sense. And I know that she can be helped by us, and her therapist, I just really hope that she isn’t taking it to hard, you know? She can be really sensitive sometimes.”

—-

“Yeah, I thought he said ‘ass burgers’ at first, so I was super confused.”

Katherine let out a snort at this, shaking her head. “Of course that’s what you thought.”

The cousins were sitting on the floor of Anne’s room, their legs tangled together, watching as Anne’s lizard, Lee, crawled around the floor eating crickets that Anne tossed for him.

“I mean, it’s reassuring in a way.” Anne said, grinning as Lee ate a cricket in one bite. “I thought I was just, like, super annoying.”

Katherine shrugged. “Sure that’s what Aragon thought too.” She giggled, leaning on Anne’s shoulder. “Well, I’m just glad you’re okay. We were all pretty worried, y’know?”

Anne nodded, not taking her eyes off the lizard. “I know. That’s what Jane said. And nothing’s different, really, I’m still the same person. Except, like, now I gotta take Risperdal for it.” She paused, growing uncomfortable with the topic. “Um, so do you wanna see how the tadpoles are doing?”

Katherine shot up from her seat on the floor like a firecracker, grinning ear to ear. “Are you kidding? Hell yeah!”

Anne’s face morphed to a grin to match her cousin’s, and she stood, took Katherine by the hand, and brought her to a tank across the room.

“Look! Bartholemew and Duck have hind legs now, see?”

Katherine raised her eyebrows. “Duck? You named a frog Duck?”

“Yeah, I did. This one here.” Anne pointed, her grin growing even larger.

“Why’d you name a frog Duck?”

Anne looked up, furrowing her brow. “Because.” She said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She turned back to the tank, pointing at the others.

“I think I’ll name this one Spotty, ‘cause of the spots. This one’s Rachel, because the lady working at Starbucks the other day was named Rachel, and she had nice hair. Not sure about the other two, yet, they’re still a bit young to be distinguishable from each other. Oh, and look here…”

She trailed off into a mile-a-minute ramble, much too fast for Katherine to keep up with, though she’d never admit it. She watched Anne grow even more excited as she talked, beaming the whole time. She was almost kicking herself for thinking that Anne wouldn’t be able to handle whatever the universe - or in this case, the psychiatrist - threw at her. Anne was brave. She’d be okay. Nothing bad was gonna happen to her cousin, it couldn’t.

#omg is that a cliffhanger #no its not chapter 3 is already out #lmao #six the musical #six the musical fanfic #catherine of aragon #anne boleyn #jane seymour #anna of cleves #katherine howard #catherine parr

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buckybarnesbingo · 5 years

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It’s our first BBB roundup post! We’ve had a whopping 26 fills created in our first week, and it has been amazing to see so much creativity! Keep reading to see the awesome stuff that was done this week.

Title: Muppet Collaborator: Entwinedlove Link: AO3 Square Filled: B5 - John Wick AU Ship: past BuckyNat Rating: Gen Major Tags: impending animal death Summary: Bucky has to make a difficult decision. Word Count: 250

Title: misdirection Collaborator: nightwideopen Link: AO3 Square Filled: U1 - mission sex Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Mature Major Tags: blood and violence, mildly dubious consent Summary: Clint hates running, so he comes up with a better idea. Word Count: 1418

Title: Swing Collaborator: ArtInMotion Link: AO3 Square Filled: B5 - Dancing Ship: Stucky Rating: Gen Major Tags: Implied/referenced dissociation Summary: James is not really ready for this party. He doesn't feel like himself. He really just wants to sit at the bar with Bruce until it's over. Thor has made it his mission to dance with every team member at Tony's Press Party. The night is coming to a close, and Bucky is the last one left. Word Count: 2568

Title: ever fallen in love with someone Collaborator: 1000_directions Link: AO3 Square Filled: C2- Recovering Bucky Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Amputee Bucky Barnes, Deaf Clint Barton, explicit sexual content Summary: Clint is just… nice. He’s just a nice guy. He has an easy, generous smile, and his humor is teasing and self-deprecating but never cruel. He’s non-threatening. Bucky doesn’t like people getting too close, but he doesn’t mind when Clint sits next to him on the beat-up couch they liberated from some dumpster three blocks over. He doesn’t even flinch anymore when Clint passes into his peripheral. It’s easy. Like he belongs there. Word Count: 4797

Title: Kamala and the Heroic Knight Collaborator: MassiveSpaceWren Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y3 - Asset on the loose Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: no powers AU, LARP, torture, hurt Tony Summary: Kamala was excited.Tony had stopped by early in the morning to load Kamala and her carefully made costume into the car, right next to Miles, who had been smiling tiredly. They had been looking forward to this LARP convention for months, had been planning their costumes and backstories, and now it was finally here. They'd fight alongside the coolest group of heroes on the con: the Avengers! ~~~ AKA the LARP AU nobody asked for. AKA the "EVERYONE likes to see Tony suffer" AU. Word Count: 7306

Title: angel song laughter Collaborator: halfwheeze Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Misunderstandings Ship: Pietro/Bucky, HulkEye, PepperStony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Jealousy, Misunderstandings Summary: Pietro Maximoff has the laugh of an angel. He carries himself quickly and yet so gracefully, laughs with his entire body, smiles with his entire face, and he's maybe the prettiest little thing that Bucky has ever seen. He is also egregiously unavailable, but Bucky can live with that. He can. Word Count: 2034

Title: Tumble and Splash Collaborator: Judy_The_Dreamer Link: AO3 Square Filled: B2 - Shapeshifters Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: Nearly accidental drowning Summary: Deprived of believers by the modern world, Steve Rogers is perhaps the most lackluster earth faerie prince you’ll ever meet. Good thing then that he’s a man with a plan. Unfortunately for Steve, he hasn’t quite figured out that the people he’s charming aren’t exactly human in every sense of the word. That time Bucky Barnes’s adrenaline addiction nearly got Steve killed and pollution might not be the saviour Steve thinks it is. Word Count: 863

Title: Winter Collaborator: LostSpaceCadetLeon Link: AO3 Square Filled: B1 - IMAGE: Zen Bucky with Alpine Ship: Stucky Rating: Gen Major Tags: none Summary: Steve asks Bucky how he came across his new pet Winter Word Count: 479

Title: Strategy Collaborator: candycanedarcy Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y4 - secret relationship Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Gen Major Tags: Steve POV, JARVIS is a good bro Summary: Steve just wants Bucky to be happy. And if that means locking him in a closet to make him tell Clint how he feels, then so be it. Word Count: 1767

Title: A Gay ol' Time Collaborator: Cptn_Rogers Link: AO3 Square Filled: K4 - Undercover in a Gay Bar Ship: Stucky Rating: Teen Major Tags: fluff, light angst Summary: Bucky is on an undercover mission for SHIELD along with Cap, Sam and Natasha. The Target is the last thing on Bucky’s mind as he reminisces about the 40s but it’s not all that bad now that he can openly dance in public with Steve for the first time. Word Count: 1736

Title: Anniversary Gift Collaborator: Eyra Link: Tumbr Square Filled: Y5 - Bucky Bear Ship: WinterHawk Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: What I imagine a newer bucky bear would look like :)

Title: Vulnerability Collaborator: massivespacewren Link: Tumblr Square Filled: Y1 - Vulnerability Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: It’s kind of part of my headcanons for Vampire Bucky. He’s all tall and dangerous usually, but soft for Tony.

Title: Friends First Collaborator: The_Alias (Artemis_Day) Link: AO3 Square Filled: C1 - IMAGE: shirtless ripped Bucky Ship: Steve/Sam, Bucky/Jane Rating: Teen Major Tags: slice of life, mild sexual content Summary: It's not that Steve and Bucky regret coming out, this is just getting annoying. Word Count: 794

Title: The No-Escape Room Collaborator: debwalsh Link: AO3 Square Filled: Chapter One, Y3 - blankets Chapter Two, K3 - abducted Ship: Stucky Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: Bucky Recovering, Bucky Remembers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug Summary: Bucky is recovering, and Steve will do anything to protect him, to make him feel safe and loved. Bucky wants to express his own feelings for Steve, but words don’t come as easily as they once did. So instead, Bucky sets about building something for Steve ... something Steve is sorely missing. Word Count: 3188

Title: Your Hand in Mine Collaborator: debwalsh Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y1 - holding hands Ship: Stucky Rating: Not Rated Major Tags: declarations of love, Post-Captain America: Civil War, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers Summary: In the aftermath of the battle with Tony Stark, T’Challa escorts Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers to Wakanda to recover. On the flight en route, a simple truth becomes evident to the two men out of time. Word Count: 1042

Title: At The End Of The Tunnel Collaborator: tonylovedthestarstoofondly Link: AO3 Square Filled: B3 - AU: fantasy world Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: identity porn, arranged marriage, dystopia AU, fantasy AU Summary: Bucky used to think he'd have a big wedding. He'd be happy, his family would be there and he'd marry for love. He rarely got what he wanted. Word Count: 2134

Title: Rough Seas Collaborator: LostSpaceCadetLeon Link: AO3 Square Filled: U1 - AU: pirates Ship: Stucky Rating: Mature Major Tags: fluff and smut, mermaid AU Summary: Bucky tries to sail into a storm and ends up in the frigid seas only to be save by a kind mermaid. Word Count: 2574

Title: Something New Collaborator: Cptn_Rogers Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y4 - guitar Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: domestic, Bucky remembering and recovering Summary: Bucky is tired of not knowing who he was before and during Hydra’s control, so in his time in Bucharest he decides that maybe he should stop trying to be who he was and figure out who he is now and who he wants to be. Word Count: 1616

Title: Bedtime Stories Collaborator: shield-agent78 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: C3 - free square Ship: Bucky x OFC Rating: Mature Major Tags: fluff, implied adult content, some language Summary: Yours and Bucky’s mission doesn’t go quite as planned. An argument leads to something much more Word Count: 1654

Title: The Flavor Of Betrayal Collaborator: Blondie_Bluue (LuvMeAlwayz) Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Innocent Until Proven Guilty Ship: Stucky Rating: Gen Major Tags: fluff, caught Summary: Someones been eating Steve's ice cream, but Bucky doesn't like mint n chip. Word Count: 724

Title: Magic Fingers Collaborator: sereinial Link: AO3 Square Filled: B3 - Bucky/Tony Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: sleep deprivation, fluff, massage Summary: Tony hasn't slept in God knows how long; JARVIS rats him out to a certain Winter Soldier that works his magic on the dead-inside genius. Word Count: 1370

Title: Oblivious Faerie Prince, Handle with Care Collaborator: Judy_The_Dreamer Link: AO3 Square Filled: K3 - handle with care Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: Faerie AU, Aquatic shifter AU, Shifter AU, modern fantasy AU Summary: Deprived of believers by the modern world, Steve Rogers is perhaps the most lacklustre earth faerie prince you’ll ever meet. Good thing he’s a man with a plan. Unfortunately for Steve, he hasn’t quite figured out that the people he’s charming aren’t exactly human in every sense of the word.In which Bucky discovers that the entire supernatural world is playing a joke on Steve Rogers, and he’s not a fan. But what is one lone octopus to do? Word Count: 926

Title: (not) together Collaborator: halfwheeze Link: AO3 Square Filled: U3 - jealousy Ship: WinterIron, Darcy/Natasha Rating: Gen Major Tags: highschool AU, getting together, bets and wagers, gay panic Summary: Bucky doesn't like guys, has never even thought about it really, but acting like he's Tony's boyfriend for just a second to get Justin Hammer out of his face, well, that might trigger something. Word Count: 5473

Title: A Heart Beats at Midnight - Chapter Two Collaborator: Trashcanakin Link: AO3 Square Filled: C1 - holding hands Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: fluff and humor, Tony POV, post CA:CW Summary: Tony & Bucky take a walk. Things are said, yet unsaid. It's soft. Word Count: 2716

Title: Brooklyn Collaborator: greyishbasia Link: Tumblr Square Filled: K3 - Brooklyn Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: art

Title: New Friends, Old Friends Collaborator: sweeetmonstrosity Link: AO3 Square Filled: Y2 - IMAGE: Bucky and Sam "I hate you" scene Ship: Bucky/Sam Rating: Gen Major Tags: broken promises, new family, team Cap Summary: In which Bucky makes a new friend and learns how far Steve’s friends will go to save him. Word Count: 842

#buckybarnesbingo2019 #bbb19 #roundup #weekly roundup #week one roundup

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waitineedaname · 5 years

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Hal Strider: World’s Worst Roommate

also on ao3!!

Hal was up to something. He was acting too normal. Hal was never normal. Something was up.

Dirk stared at him from across the room, trying to decipher what he might’ve done. He couldn’t have hacked into his computer and retweeted Muppet porn again; he’d set up new firewalls yesterday and Hal was a good hacker, but he wasn’t that quick. They’d been within eyesight of each other for most of the day, so it was unlikely he’d sneaked into his room and hidden his stuff either. So what was it?

Apparently he’d been staring for too long because Hal sighed loudly and looked up from his laptop to fix him with the exaggerated look of exasperation he knew he reserved just for him. Fucker. “Look, I know I’m a gift on the eyes, but the staring is getting a little weird, bro.”

“What did you do?” Dirk asked, cutting to the chase.

“Should I pretend to not know what you’re asking and list off everything I did today, or just be straight up and tell you ‘nothing’? Let’s see, first I took a shower - which was cold, by the way, you wasted all the hot water boiling yourself like a lobster - and then I made breakfast-”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” Dirk narrowed his eyes. He knew Hal couldn’t see it behind his shades, but he also knew Hal knew exactly what he was doing. Hal’s own shades were propped on top of his head, so Dirk got the full effect of his over-the-top eyeroll.

“I didn’t do anything to you. Or your phone or your computer.” He added when he noticed Dirk getting ready to speak. “This might come as a shock, but my life does not revolve around you. Sorry bro, but you ain’t that important.”

Dirk was still suspicious, but he decided to drop it for the time being. “Whatever,” he said, standing up. “Do we still have any Fanta?”

“You know I don’t drink that stuff. It tastes like orange piss.”

“Says the asshole that pours five hour energies in his coffee.” Hal just shrugged as if to say “guilty as charged” and Dirk shook his head, tired of his bullshit. He went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of soda, and when he came back, Hal’s shades were back on his face. He got the distinct impression Hal was watching him as he took a sip, and he panicked for a split second. Did Hal actually piss in his drink? Was it poisoned? But it tasted normal, so he let himself relax minutely. Hal didn’t say a word.

It was only a few days before Dirk completely forgot about the weirdness. Things went back to normal. Hal played nightcore versions of My Little Pony songs at 2am. Dirk drank his orange soda and Hal concocted increasingly unhealthy caffeinated things for himself. They went to their jobs and classes and hung out with their friends. Dirk bonked into the furniture because Hal had moved it all slightly to the left to fuck with him. The usual.

It was a month before Dirk realized exactly what had happened.

He and Hal were out to dinner with their weird conglomeration of friends and family. Dirk always wondered how two unpleasant people to be around managed to have such a large social group, but he’d given up questioning it. Dirk had paused in the story he was telling his corner of the table to take a sip of his Fanta, and he immediately grimaced.

“Hey Dave, does this taste weird to you?” He asked, sliding his glass over. Dave looked suspicious, so he quickly added, “I’m not trying to fuck with you, I’m just making sure I’m not imagining things.”

Dave took a cautious sip, then shrugged. “Tastes like Fanta. Artificial and diabetes causing as always.”

“Really?” Dirk took another sip and shook his head. “I swear there’s something weird about it. It’s not spicy enough.”

Suddenly everyone was staring at him. He stared back at them, doing his best not to shift uncomfortably. “...What?”

“Dirk,” Jake said slowly, a few seats down, “Did you say your soda should be spicy?”

The realization of what had just happened hit Dirk like a bus, and something cold settled in his stomach. He looked over at Hal, whose face was a perfect recreation of the knife cat meme.

“How did you do it?” Dirk said, voice dangerously quiet. Hal had apparently never developed the part of his brain required for fear and continued to look smug.

“A drop of hot sauce in your soda. I slowly upped the dose until you were so used to it that you couldn’t even tell.”

There was a soft “holy shit” from Roxy’s direction further down the table. Dirk and Hal continued to stare each other down, then quick as a flash, Dirk was across the table and grabbing Hal. Hal shouted and squirmed, smacking at him, but the one thing Dirk could confidently say he was better at than Hal was wrestling, so they ended up half on the floor with Dirk holding Hal in a headlock and Hal pulling on his hair and smacking his ear.

“Son of a bitch!” Hal yelled, and Dirk knew they were causing a scene, but dammit, he was at least a little justified.

“Boys!” A sharp voice said from above them, and they both froze. Standing above them with her hands on her hips, looking for all the world like a stern mother, was Jane. “Dirk, let go of your brother.”

“He-”

“Don’t you dare say he started it, Strider, you’re a grown man.”

Dirk snapped his mouth shut and tensed, then slowly let go of Hal. Hal squirmed away as soon as he could and stuck out his tongue before he also got fixed with Jane’s razor shape gaze.

“Hal, apologize.”

There was a split second where he looked like he was going to fight it, but he seemed to know it wasn’t worth it, so he turned towards Dirk. “Dirk, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“Sorry you don’t have any taste.” Hal said with a shit eating grin and Dirk made a strangled noise in his throat.

“You piece of shit!” Dirk lunged for him again, and Hal hit his head on the table next to him trying to get away so fast.

“Nope, get up!” Jane wasn’t even yelling, but somehow she managed to intimidate them both into submission. They both stood and Dirk would like to say he wasn’t cowering, but there was something about Jane Crocker’s fury that would make anyone feel like a scolded child. Or at least, it made him and Hal feel that way if the way Hal was slouching and pouting next to him said anything. “Hal, we’re switching seats.”

Hal opened his mouth to complain, thought better of it, and took Jane’s seat. She traded their cups and sat herself opposite Dirk, giving him a pointed look until he finally sat down.

“I can’t believe he managed to condition me into thinking soda should be spicy.” Dirk grumbled, poking his straw in and out of his drink.

“I hate to say I’m impressed, but…” Rose shrugged and Dirk sent her a look. Apparently an ability to look like a smug cat ran in the family because the face she made was just as shit-eating as Hal’s. “Are you going to finish your story about the weirdos in that class you TA?”

It wasn’t worth it to keep causing a scene, so he reluctantly went back to the conversation he’d previously dropped. The rest of dinner passed in whatever semblance of normalcy their group could have, and Dirk somehow managed to avoid interacting with Hal until their plates were being cleared away. His eyes landed on the half empty bottle of hot sauce sitting next to the salt and pepper, and he grabbed it.

“Hey, Hal.” He said, and the moment Hal looked over at him, he tossed the bottle over. “I bet you won’t drink all of that.”

Hal made a face down at the bottle. “Just because you’ve ruined your liver, doesn’t mean I have to. We don’t have to be twins internally too.”

Dirk bit back a comment on how technically it was Hal that had been ruining his liver for him, and he instead went for a weak point. “If you’re gonna be a coward about it…” He let himself trail off and managed to withhold a smirk when he saw Hal’s jaw stiffen. There was something of a staring contest between them, an interesting feat between two pairs of sunglasses, then Hal shrugged, suddenly a picture of casual.

“Anything for my second favorite brother.” Hal said. Dave started to pipe up and say “You only have two-” but Hal had already untwisted the cap and was downing it all in one go.

Jade whispered “gross” a few seats away, and Hal slammed the now empty bottle on the table, wiping his mouth gently like he’d simply been taking a sip of water, not chugging pure Tapatio.

“Are we going yet or what?” Hal said, and the slightest bit of hoarseness in his voice sent a thrill of victory through Dirk. He wasn’t sure which one of them had won, but that was damn satisfying.

Now he just had to hope Hal didn’t try to get back at him again.

#dirk strider #hal strider #lil hal #homestuck #jane crocker #all their other friends are there #but dave jake roxy rose and jade only have one or two background lines #okay to reblog #my writing #i'm reposting this bc it wasn't showing up in the tags and i'm smad

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frasier-crane-style · 7 years

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Thor spot

It’s not good. It’s bad. It’s “Shake Weight joke in the first five minutes bad.” It’s “Surtur gets taken out in the opening action sequence” bad. There’s no heart, no humanity. It makes the Guardians of the Galaxy look like fucking Shaft. Those movies were still about something. Ragnarok is just a massive piss-take. If GotG was sarcastic, Ragnarok is snide.

It’s one half epic trilogy conclusion and one half total farce, which gets you Tonal Inconsistency: The Movie. Half of the film (the one the director cares about) takes place on Planet Goldblum and is all wacky fun and crazy antics. (Note: this plotline gets the most handwavey of handwaved conclusions.) The other half is on Asgard and features deaths by the hundred, including name characters being brutally murdered on screen. Like, they’re mortally wounded, then they take a finishing blow. In their first five seconds of screentime! Without a word! That’s how two-thirds of the Warriors Three goes out!

Thor doesn’t even seem to care. It’s like, hey, remember your best friend Volstagg? The guy with a wife and several kids? He was stabbed to death and Thor has more of a reaction to having his hair cut. I’m not kidding.

Like, Iron Man 3 is controversial, but at least they were trying to subvert the expectations of a trilogy capper. Ragnarok is trying to be a straight-up trilogy capper, and a silly parody at the same time, and it ends up feeling like a Muppet version of a Thor movie that could’ve been really cool. Or like a two-hour Saturday Night Live special devoted to making fun of a real movie. Or maybe someone found a way to film two hours of a fuckyeahthor Tumblr…

GotG makes jokes about having a cliche ‘team coming together scene’ that’s still an effective ‘team coming together scene’. Ragnarok would cut out all the moments where the team talks about how they’re probably going to die and Quill talks about how they’ve all lost people (because the director thinks it’s gay), and just make it a bunch of comedians riffing on each other, and then still end the scene on a big musical note as if we’re supposed to take this half-assed improv comedy seriously.

Although even the serious half of the movie isn’t that good. Hela, instead of Loki’s daughter—wouldn’t Loki as King of Asgard, now having to deal with a rebellious offspring, be a fun twist?—is now Thor’s long-lost sister. Yes, the movie is less accurate to Norse mythology than the Thor comics. As it turns out—deep breath—

Long before the backstory we were given about Odin and Odin’s dad in the previous movies, Odin was actually an imperialistic conqueror and he took over the Nine Realms (…remember this) and killed everyone! And Hela was either the Thor to his Odin or the Skurge to his Hela—the movie can’t really decide. Then, inexplicably, Odin decided to just not be a conqueror anymore and turn good. Also inexplicably, Hela disagreed with that and became evil and he had to banish her or imprison her or something.

(This seems like a good place for the Goddess of Death thing or Hel or Niflheim or the spirits of the dead to come up, but it really doesn’t. She might’ve been staying in a loft in Soho doing actuary work, we don’t know. The whole idea of Death’s Domain or her wanting to take the souls of the living, they don’t do anything with that, she just wants to conquer the universe. I guess the Hela, Goddess of Death thing is just a nickname and not something important to who she is as a person. Oh, but she makes a horde of CGI monsters. That’s an important aspect of grappling with your mortality, as personified by Hela. Sometimes there are CGI monsters that you can kill without getting an R-rating).

Of course, stating that a character with a long-established characterization was actually a totally different way that doesn’t fall in line with their personality at all, until suddenly they decided to act in-character with no prompting—good writing. It all basically makes no sense and goes down with so little embellishment that you almost feel like they’re setting up a twist, but then it turns out, no, they just really didn’t care about creating compelling characters or giving them personalities.

And I’m not sure why everyone is so aghast at Odin being a tyrant thousands upon thousands of years ago. Tessa Thompson plays a slave trader in this and Loki killed thousands so recently that people are probably still in therapy for it, but they’re both forgiven with barely a word.

I guess TT has a grudge against Hela, but then that never really comes up or has anything to do with stuff. You think she’d get some big moment of getting her revenge by striking some pivotal blow, but I guess instead she just slashed a bunch of zombies like everyone else.

You know how some comic book movies feel like they haven’t read the comics? This feels like they haven’t even watched the other movies.

Like, I think Tahiti Wahoo is under the impression that Odin rules the Nine Realms? He doesn’t. Earth is one of the Nine Realms. Hel is one of the Nine Realms. Jotunheim, etc. He and Asgard basically act as an inter-realm peacekeeping force. If the US Army shows up in Rwanda to help with a flood, does that mean the President rules Rwanda?

They also have Hela say “Odin ruled the Nine Realms. But why stop at Nine?” Because… that’s all there is. Asgard is one universe, Midgard is another universe (with Earth and Mars and Pluto and everything else in it), and there are nine universes in total. That encompasses, basically, Hell, Heaven, the mortal realm, everything. This is kinda, like, Norse Mythology 101.

To say nothing of the fact that Hela is Odin’s kid, she’s pissy and wants the throne and actually manages to take it, she’s kinda justified and sympathetic but also a real horror… she’s essentially a lady Loki. I don’t get why we waste a bunch of time with Thor discovering Loki is on the throne and removing him from the throne (in the most half-assed, anticlimatic manner imaginable), only for another pissed-off descendant to take the throne and kick Thor out. Why not just have Loki knock Thor over to Planet Goldblum himself?

Also, apparently Hela is powered by Asgard, so if you destroy Asgard, she’s powerless or dead or whatever. Is that how Odin and Thor’s power works? It seems like Thor still has his power when Asgard is destroyed. Like it’s just a part of him. So, uhm… I guess… I guess Hela’s power doesn’t work like that. Even though she has the exact same origin as him and they’re going for this whole parallel thing… but I guess no, their powers work completely differently. For no reason.

And I thought we were still doing “the Asgardians are just stupidly advanced aliens.” If so, how can Hela be Goddess of Death? She raises the dead! What science is that? If it’s some sort of nanotechnology, fuck, why bother with bodies? Just have it make a statue move around or something.

Like, all this stuff about Asgard having a secret history and Odin being a bastard and Hela being Thor’s sister—it all sounds like it should be interesting or thematic or something, but Thor and Hela and Loki just meet for thirty seconds, then the boys go off to Planet Sidequest and never see her again until the climax, so it’s just like… hey… Thor… your dad wasn’t such hot shit after all… and Thor’s just like… I guess not… but then I did already know that from the last two movies... and I also still call on his spirit for advice and support like he’s Obi-Wan Kenobi or something... and all in all they don’t really do anything with that or make anything of it. They’re just putting that out there.

In fact, Thor is pretty much just Tony Stark in this. He makes a bunch of dumb fratboy jokes and he embarrasses himself like an idiot and he has a bunch of daddy issues because it turns out his father is an ass… Now he only does the whole “you shall not triumph over the power of Asgard” stuff when it’s about to be immediately undercut… which the movies have already joked about. And Mjolnir takes a while to show up, which the movies have also already joked about.

Like, the stinger in Doctor Strange actually has Strange and Thor interacting like equals, it breathes, it’s well-paced, it feels like part of some cool adventure--then the version in this movie is edited into basically a Youtube Poop, with Thor bumbling around and being an idiot because that’s good for a cheap laugh and it’s easier than writing jokes. Look, he knocked something over!

For some reason, they specifically mention that Jane Foster was dumped by Thor. I know Natalie Portman doesn’t want to do these movies, and I guess they can’t recast the character, or cut some Gwyneth Paltrow deal to have her show up for one scene, or just refer to her without having her show up like in Ultron. It’s not like Thor has a romance in this one that would preclude him being with Jane. I guess they just wanted to say fuck you to Natalie Portman. And get a cutting-edge “she didn’t dump me, I dumped her!” joke in there. Comedic genius Tadpole Whammy, everyone.

Replacing Jane as female lead is, uhm… I don’t think they ever give her a name? Valkyrie? Although that’s her job title, not a name, so... Yeah, she’s a slave trader. That’s kind of weird. That one of the heroes in the movie is an unrepentant slave trader. She specifically takes free people prisoner and then sells them for money. Into slavery. And not to work on a farm or something either. To be killed in gladiatorial combat. So she’s like a slave trader who deals exclusively with snuff filmmakers and serial killers. Or maybe she also sells sex slaves, but it’s off-screen. I don’t know, that’s going a little far. She’s probably one of those nice slave traders. The ones who only barely torture their slaves into submission with agonizing pain. Which she does. On screen.

I mean, is slave trader the only job this woman can get? It seems like Planet Goldblum has this huge city with millions of people in it. Are they all slave traders? It seems like some of them would be weathermen or babysitters or stunt choreographers. Maybe she could get a job doing one of those things. Instead of being a slave trader. Which is what she does. For thousands of years. I mean, Hela predated Thor and Loki and Odin fighting the jötnar, and Tessa Thompson went to Planet Goldblum immediately after fighting Hela, so… that seems like a long time that she’s spent capturing people and forcing them into slavery for money. She’s probably ruined as many lives as Loki, if you tally them all up over the millennia. Oh, but I guess she’s bisexual. That’s the important thing. Not her selling people like groceries.

Aside from, you know, the character’s involvement in atrocities, the entire thing is just a wash. Obviously, a 5’2 black Valkyrie is violently miscast—something along the lines of John Leguizamo playing a sumo wrestler or Michael Cera playing the most badass rapper on the East Side—but even if we didn’t give a fig about the cultural heritage of real life people, the movie’s conception of her wouldn’t work. She’s supposed to be some roguish, bedraggled, gin-soaked cynic that’s haunted by her past, but as played by clear-skinned, bouncy-haired Tessa Thompson, the character comes off like a pissy sorority girl who’s had too many mojitos.

Speaking of, I swear, there’s some weird racial polemic thing going on. Odin dies, the Warriors Three die (but the Asian one gets to put up a bit of a fight), Heimdall ends up getting a rather undue blowjob as a character (as he’s the only one who isn’t killed off or made a joke), Asgard turns out to be some sort of evil colonialism thing… I guess the director really wished he could be ruining Black Panther instead of Thor. And I really have a hard time imagining a movie that would make a white slave trader a hero, so are they saying that the bad thing about the American slave trade was that it was white people doing it to black people, and that if a black person enslaved a white person, it wouldn’t be so bad? That’s gotta be the nadir of identity politics.

I’m not sure why Hulk’s in the movie. He doesn’t contribute anything to the plot besides fighting one of Hela’s subbosses in a short, unsatisfying bout. His character doesn’t really change or grow, except that Bruce doesn’t want to become the Hulk for a while, but then he becomes the Hulk for the greater good because it’s an emergency. So, you know—that’s never been done before. And I guess all that control he got over the Hulk in the last few movies is gone, because now he’ll turn into the Hulk over loud noises?

Loki, he kinda screws Thor over, but also kinda redeems himself. I don’t see why the MCU needs a movieverse Magneto. I mean, he just did this in the last movie. And in this one, they take time to make fun of that for being gay shit (I mean, I’m pretty sure the director thinks this is all gay shit and no one but him is clever enough to make fun of how Thor talks funny, but). You’d think maybe they’d at least come up with a definitive end for his character. I mean, if we’re streamlining the comics and getting rid of questionable aspects, why not the part where people keep putting up with Loki and forgiving him, even after he’s responsible for mass murder?

Just… there’s no mood, there’s no tension, there’s no sense of scale or excitement or wonder. The villains have no menace. The action has no thrills. The heroes have no coolness or power. The jokes don’t undercut the atmosphere because there’s never any atmosphere established. An average episode of The Simpsons has more momentum, more romance, more adventure. Like, I’m honestly shocked Cate Blanchett agreed to this. An Oscar-winning actress, playing Marvel’s first female villain, and she’s a total nothing of a character who the movie is endlessly disinterested in in favor of Jeff Goldblum playing a meme.

Every single character is either a joke or hastily bridge-dropped in hopes of establishing some stakes, then the movie has the audacity to ask you to be emotionally involved in these characters who it treats as fucking clowns nine times out of ten. It’s like some kind of anti-storytelling. They might as well superimpose Teaspoon Westeros making a jerk-off motion every time the characters have a supposedly heartfelt moment.

I mean… I wouldn’t even be totally against a Thor movie that’s a complete lark. If there’s one thing the Batman movies have taught us, it’s that not every villain can be the focus of an epic, personal plot. Otherwise you get shit like the Riddler wanting to suck the Earth’s brainwaves or the Penguin wanting to blow up Gotham. Bond fans are downright sick of epic, personal Bond movies that change everything for 007. They just want a nice, normal mission where Bond flirts with Moneypenny, gets gadgets from Q, is ordered off somewhere by M, fights a villain, saves the world, gets the girl.

So a Thor movie that was just him and Hulk on Planet Goldblum, trying to start a revolution, that’d be fine by me. They’re going to make a million of these things anyway and they can’t all be Superman 2, so why not? As long as, in being a silly lark, it didn’t burn through stuff that could actually make for a real movie in the hands of someone who gave a shit. Surtur? Skurge? Hela? All three of the Warriors Three dying? Asgard being destroyed? Thor being blinded? Loki being redeemed? Those are big-ticket items and they deserve to be the focus of a real story, not just ‘Get Ready For Infinity War’ items ticked off in-between lengthy rounds of improv comedy. I swear, their version of Skurge redeeming himself is just that he acts like a bit of a jerk for five minutes, is kinda uncomfortable with Hela killing everyone, and then he sacrifices himself as a complete afterthought. It’s like a version of Lord of the Rings where Boromir dies in the background while Frodo and Sam are doing a bunch of gay panic jokes.

He’s not even a villain! I guess he redeems himself for the time he lifted up an axe. Yes, now that he’s made the ultimate sacrifice, that sin can be forgiven.

Just as a counterexample, I don’t think Christopher Nolan is a dyed-in-the-wool Batman fan, but he respects the material and engages with it and wants to give the audience something for their money. He’s not just saying “wow, this is a bunch of money, I can make Inception and call Leo’s character Bruce Wayne and people will like it because in one scene he wears a cape.”

#thor

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dweemeister · 7 years

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2017 Movie Odyssey Award for Best Original Song (preliminary)

More than two hundred movies since 2017 began and just after passing six hundred total write-ups on this blog, it’s that time of year again! As all who have been tagged here probably know, I host an Oscar-like ceremony celebrating all the movies of that year’s Movie Odyssey at the year’s end. I contacted most of you beforehand to ask if you could help narrow down the shortlist for the final round of Movie Odyssey Award nominees in this category.

We have 23 songs (up from 17 last year... yikes!) in this preliminary round, separated into two groups -- songs that appear in the same movie have been placed into separate groups; all other songs were randomized. Unlike last year which was a La La Land/Moana/Purple Rain/Saturday Night Fever/The Slipper and the Rose party, this shortlist features more non-musical movies. No movie was shortlisted more than twice this round. With English, Hindi, Japanese, and Spanish involved, it is also the most multilingual field ever over a mixture of musical genres.

INSTRUCTIONS In the group that you have been sorted into, please rank (#1-10) at least five and at most ten of your assigned group’s songs. Please consider (to the best of your ability): your personal preferences (most important), how musically interesting a song is, the lyrics, context within the film (if you’ve seen it), choreography (if applicable), and the song’s cultural impact/life outside the film (if applicable, and also the least important factor). The top five songs in each group advance to the final round -- I may pick one song outside a group’s top five to advance, too. An unspecified number of songs have already advanced to the final. Tabulation details are underneath the cut.

There are some followers I’d like to extend a last invitation to for the prelim (because you’re all longtime followers but are either inactive/never participated before): @babeltwo, @classwarhooligan, @daveyboygoliath, @jayb3, @loveless422, @mopina, @phendranaedge, @saucy-witch, @shadesofhappy, @astorytellertothestars I would love to have all of you participate in both the prelim and/or final rounds (if you folks don’t reply, apologies as I will tag you again for the final)! Please contact me if you are interested in participating in the prelim! This goes for any follower I have not tagged as well -- please contact me if you are interested in participating for this round and/or the final!

The deadline for preliminary submission is Saturday, December 9 at 11 PM Pacific Time. That’s Sunday, December 10 @ 2 AM Eastern and 7 AM GMT. The final round begins once tabulation is complete, probably the day after.

GROUP A

“Baby, You Knock Me Out”, music by André Previn, lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green, It’s Always Fair Weather (1955)

Performed by Cyd Charisse (dubbed by Carol Richards) and chorus

“Blue Gardenia”, music and lyrics by Bob Russell and Lester Lee, arranged by Nelson Riddle, The Blue Gardenia (1953)

Performed by Nat King Cole

"Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine", music and lyrics by Guy Hemric and Jerry Styner, Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965)

Performed by The Supremes

“The First Time It Happens”, music and lyrics by Joe Raposo, The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Performed by Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson), Miss Piggy (Frank Oz), and chorus

Nominated for the Academy Award for Best Original Song

“For Your Eyes Only”, music by Bill Conti, lyrics by Mick Leeson, For Your Eyes Only (1981)

(slightly nsfw opening credits version) / (sfw audio)

Performed by Sheena Easton

A James Bond song; nominated for the Academy Award for Best Original Song

“Hi-Lili, Hi-Lo”, music by Bronislau Kaper, lyrics by Helen Deutsch, Lili (1953)

(English version) / (German version)... the song and movie are both popular in Germany

Performed by Leslie Caron and Mel Ferrer

“Jane Kahan Mera Jigar Gaya Ji”, music by O.P. Nayyar, lyrics by Majrooh Sultanpuri, Mr. & Mrs. ’55 (1955, India)

Performed by Johnny Walker (dubbed by Mohammad Rafi) and Yasmin (dubbed by Geeta Dutt)

Lyrics in Hindi

Song ends at 50:11

“Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”, music and lyrics by Bob Dylan, Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (1973)

(use in context... the full song is not played)

Performed by Bob Dylan

“Once in a While, Talk of the Old Days”, music and lyrics by Tokiko Katô, arranged by Yôko Kanno, Porco Rosso (1992, Japan)

Performed by Tokiko Katô

Lyrics in Japanese

“Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea”, music by Joe Hisaishi, lyrics by Katsuya Kondô and Hayao Miyazaki, Ponyo (2008, Japan)

Performed by Nozomi Ôhashi and Fujioka Fujimaki

Lyrics in Japanese

“Think Pink!”, music by Roger Edens, lyrics by Leonard Gershe, Funny Face (1957)

Performed by Kay Thompson, Virginia Thompson, and chorus

“Zenzenzense”, music and lyrics by Yôjirô Noda, Your Name (2016, Japan)

Performed by RADWIMPS (their music video has nothing to do with the movie, but it’s interesting)

Lyrics in Japanese

Group A participants include: @dansmonarbre, @emilylime5, @fredsbarandgrill, @ideallaedi, @introspectivemeltdown, @leesamuel, @musicmoviesportsguy, @nazur, @simplyangiec, @somequeerdistortion. Four others are also joining you in this group, including myself and my little sister.

GROUP B

“Ben”, music by Walter Scharf, lyrics by Don Black, Ben (1972)

Performed by Michael Jackson

Nominated for the Academy Award for Best Original Song

“Bonjour, Paris!”, music and lyrics by Roger Edens and Leonard Gershe, Funny Face (1957)

Performed by Fred Astaire, Audrey Hepburn, and Kay Thompson

“Hey, a Movie!”, music and lyrics by Joe Raposo, The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Performed by Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson), Fozzie Bear (Frank Oz), Gonzo (Dave Goelz), Sweetums (Richard Hunt), Charles Grodin, and chorus

“I Got Lucky”, music and lyrics by Dolores Fuller, Fred Wise, and Ben Weisman, Kid Galahad (1962)

Performed by Elvis Presley

“I’m Old Fashioned”, music by Jerome Kern, lyrics by Johnny Mercer, You Were Never Lovelier (1942)

Performed by Rita Hayworth (dubbed by Nan Wynn) and Fred Astaire

“My Neighbor Totoro”, music by Joe Hisaishi, lyrics by Hayao Miyazaki, My Neighbor Totoro (1988, Japan)

Performed by Azumi Inoue

Lyrics in Japanese

“Remember Me (Recuérdame)”, music and lyrics by Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Coco (2017)

English: (first use) / (lullaby) / (end credits)

Spanish: (first use) / (lullaby) / (end credits)

Various performers - I personally prefer the Spanish performances

“Sparkle”, music and lyrics by Yôjirô Noda, Your Name (2016, Japan)

Performed by RADWIMPS

Lyrics in Japanese

“Thanks a Lot, but No Thanks”, music by André Previn, lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green, It’s Always Fair Weather (1955)

Performed by Dolores Gray

Song begins at 1:33 in the video. For minimal context, watch it all.

“Udhar Tum Haseen Ho”, music by O.P. Nayyar, lyrics by Majrooh Sultanpuri, Mr. & Mrs. ’55 (1955, India)

Performed by Guru Dutt (dubbed by Mohammad Rafi) and Madhubala (dubbed by Geeta Dutt)

Lyrics in Hindi

Song ends at 1:47:51; the scene ends a few seconds later

“Would You”, music by Nacio Herb Brown, lyrics by Arthur Freed, San Francisco (1936)

Performed by Jeanette MacDonald

This song is most famous for its use in Singin’ in the Rain (1952)

Group B participants include: @addaellis, @cokwong, @dog-of-ulthar, @halfwaythruthedark, @maximiliani, @plus-low-overthrow, @stephdgray, @umgeschrieben, @underblackwings, and @yellanimal. Three others are joining you in this group, including myself and my little sister.

I am happy to answer any questions about a song’s use in context, or any other questions for that matter.

Happy listening! And thank you for your participation and support whenever you started following me. You will all be tagged again for the final round, regardless of whether you participated in this final round or not. If voting turnout is bad in one group as opposed to the other, I may call upon members from the more active group to participate in both groups. You can submit your votes any way you wish - articulate as much or as little as you want about your picks, too! -- by replying to this post, reblogging and replying, sending a PM or inbox message. Those who know my personal email can also send me their votes there.

Thanks again, everyone!

For reference: 2014 edition, 2015 edition, 2016 edition

TABULATION Two tabulation methods will be used this year - one will have actual bearing on the results; the other is experimental and may be used in 2018.

The former is a points-based, ranked choice method which has been used since the first time I asked friends, followers, and family to help out. Here is last year’s example. A respondent’s first choice receives 10 points, the second choice receives 9, the third choice receives 8, etc. The winner is the song that ends up with the most total points. This will be used for the preliminary and final rounds this year.

Tiebreakers for above: 1) total points earned; 2) total #1 votes; 3) placement on my ballot; 4) placement on @monkeysmadeofcheese’s ballot; 5) tie declared

The following method may be used in 2018 and will be conducted this year for experimental purposes only. It uses the instant-runoff voting (IRV) method (the Academy Awards uses this method to choose a Best Picture winner, visually represented here). It’s a bit confusing (and it’s probably best if you see the visual example), but here’s how it works:

All #1 picks from all voters are tabulated. A song needs more than half of all aggregate votes to win (fifty percent of all votes plus one).

If there is no winner after the first count (as is most likely... if there are thirty respondents, sixteen #1 votes are needed to win in the first count), the song with the fewest #1 votes is thrown out. We look at the The last-placed song’s ballots are then given to the remaining nominees according to the voters' #2 choice.

The process repeats, eliminating nominees and giving votes to the highest-ranked, non-eliminated song on each ballot. It is possible after several rounds of counting that respondents who did not entirely fill in their ballots will have wasted their votes at the end of the process (if a person voted the second-to-last place song as their #1, filled in no more slots, and the count has exceeded two rounds, they have no say in which song ultimately is the winner).

A song wins when it reaches more than fifty percent of their #1 and re-distributed votes.

Tiebreakers for experimental method: 1) first song to receive fifty percent of all votes +1; 2) total points earned; 3) total #1 votes; 4) placement on my ballot; 5) placement on @monkeysmadeofcheese’s ballot ; 6) tie declared

#lordy if a link's audio or video is inaccessible to you please let me know #hope you're all having a good weekend; for Americans that you are all having a happy Thanksgiving weekend

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