#no matter what series i draw for a common theme i seem to get is people really liking my comics

[dew-creek]

Morally, I'm actually quite against you shipping incest. But also you understand OHSHC's writing conventions and characters better than anyone else I've ever seen online. All of your comics I could see happening in the show. You are SO fucking funny, genuinely. Plus, also, the show itself makes incest jokes too, so. C'est la vie.

"I CHOOSE TO DISREGARD MY MORALS" WHAT A POWER MOVE ON YOURSELF ANON

But hey, thanks! And tbh, that's all I really ask for in the end - just...live and let live. Despite you not agreeing with the pairings I draw, you're still cordial and don't attack others. That's all I could ever ask for. I just draw what I think is funny, or what I think is interesting. Obviously what I'm comfortable with in fiction (never real life, obviously) is different than some other people, and that's okay. I encourage anybody who isn't comfortable with my shipping art to blacklist the ship tags or block me altogether. Tbh, maybe it's due to how small the Ouran fanbase is (these days) or maybe it is due to the nature of the show itself as you said, but I've found the majority of people in this community are very respectful in this manner. I've only got a few "kys" messages once or twice, but the majority of people have just quietly blocked me (I find this out when I try to reblog a mutual's post and I get an error X'D) which is fair! That's what the block button is for!! And it's nice to see this after having been caught in a landscape where people get harassed for far less.

Well anyways, that was just a little tangent haha. Thank you for your kindness anon! I'm glad despite it all you can get some joy from my works, that makes me very happy!

[artisticcrow]

I know it’s been a while but welcome back to me telling you guys about the tiny details I’ve put into one of my little art pieces. Because if I don’t tell you about it, then who will?

The link to the original art is here!

The Breakdown Is Below Read more

So first let’s go through some common unifiers.

We have cute little hearts with their life number on it and a bonus blue coloring to say when a life is lost. 

Tango, Skizz, and Etho’s hearts show this loss in different ways..Skizz has his with colored stiches going through and a red slash, and so does Etho(plus his weeb headband getting a little missing nin slash of death) his; But,Tango’s has a little red slash but no stiches. 

A little divide in the group there ;).

Of course what is not a divide is their roses, Impulse and Bdubs of course having matching pure red, while Etho, Skizz, and Tango all have blue streaks to mimic Team BEST colors because we will never be over that tragic boy band.

Speaking of tragedy,

Let’s get into Tango’s little details

Now Mr. Tek here was a fun time to give a little wedding flare too.

He is of course rocking that cowboy goth, big hat, big heart belt buckle big boots, but of course I still wanted to stay true to the original skin, such as keeping his hands bare, and white highlights for that skin tone that pops up above the wrist area of the mc skin.

He’s also propping his shield which the banner seems to be another fabric just nailed into it.

Of course you where most likely not looking at those things when it came to Tango’s design. Let’s talk about the Elephant in the room.

Warden! Tango

Warden Tango just felt more right than all the blazeborn stuff to me. Not that blazeborn Tango isn’t cool but to help keep designs varied I think I’ll make Tango have different creature traits in different seasons to reflect and fit the theming.

And why shouldn’t Rancher’ Revenge have a Warden dad?

Now there are somethings to note about this.

Most people draw the Warden with these antlers and horns for the top of it’s head, heck even the concept art I was using for color uses those terms, however I don’t really see them as that. 

Instead I see them as tendrils more like antenna or the tendrils on top of a Shulk Sensor. Heck you can see a version of a Beta Warden with that design. Of course then I ran into the problem of how to get it to be as thick as they are. My answer was having many.

Now of course I wanted the bones to match the red that I wanted to use for tango, so I did the normal person thing by color shifting the whole picture to ref and pinkish colors and looking at the blue it gave. Of course you can still see the regular Warden bones on his Jacket.

This blue would also be the bases for his nails, and blush as well.

And lastly I want to talk about the souls.

The souls are interpreted as a little design on the stomach and wrists of his shirt as well as on his boots. A little closer look at the shirt will also see bands and a little design to act as the “teeth” on a Warden’s arm as well. Besides the boots, all of the souls glow.

One last thing on Tango’s design before we move on.

His forehead has a large scar on his fore head. This is a little nod to how Tango first died in the Life series, ever. 3rd lifers get a little treat.

So do Team Ranchers as you can se his golden hair has a couple of muted dirty blonde in it. That same color can be found on a feather attached to his belt and the inside color of a blue hardcore heart bolo. 

This of course connects him to his rancher, no matter how far apart they get.

Now on to Skizzleman.

I did all 6 of his wings and it killed me, but dang does it look good!

To counter Impulse’s little demon theming he of course has angel theming, this is nothing new but I wanted my little take on it with big wings that glow his blue and have eyes on the feathers in his eye’s blue. 

I am just unbelievably happy with how this turned out.

Also being an angelic being I gave him an extra finger, that now your guy’s problem actually.

He also has a bunch of other details.

First let’s get out my biggest regret; His arms don’t have that 3rd Life Purple in them. I managed to include the eyes, but not the arms. Truly this is the miss opportunity of a life time. Hindsight on a picture is a bitch.

Another thing that is awful Hindsight is that blank belt buckle.

But hey at least I got his final Last Life death but Arrow scar. Also Skizz has a couple explosion deaths so of course that’s what I a going to turn his skin’s arm makes into.

I also managed to refence the light red lettering of BEST into his head as well. My man cuts and dye’s his hair. 

He’s also has a golden headpiece that looks like a halo!

Also kinda went ham on the Sunflowers, idk why but he one for every BEST member.

Now onto the last details of this boy

This man coordinated with his best buddy on outfits.

Please believe me when I say Impulse is wearing blue socks you can’t see to match their matching shoes and pocket embellishments.

Speaking of whom, onto the man himself!

Now first off let’s get the obvious out of the way: I miss Boatem.

Now let’s talk about the fun stuff like his golden apple key chain and his sharp claws and sharp lips.

Or how his little demon horns and tails have floating little guys that give that “i” look to them, with the fade in yellow.

And of course the most cute thing: Him and Impulse share colors in the same area where their forehead touches. Really just wanted to give that sweet vibes they give off. 

Just something nice.

Of course that’s not the only thing they share.

Two Rings chained together, one a clock the other copper. Matching compass watches to find the other and of course, compass and clock belt buckle with belt colors of the other man’s waist coat. 

The Compass thing is one of those design details I wish I did differently by making compasses an Imp and Skizz thing to imply... something idk it’s up to you guys on that.

Now onto the little guy

This man is so skrunkly. What a Youtube

He has the moss corset coat, the clock tie pin, eyes bruised to hell and back, burns on the back of his neck from a game during the first season, and a smug look on his face despite the sword to his neck, you know the usual stuff!

Also his coat is more in line with the white sample from his skin’s shirt while the actually shirt’s white came from his teeth.

Very nervous about that hair line fade but was really happy with the end products, same with the bruise and beard texturing. Naturally white beard hair does not play nice with coloring!

Lastly let’s go over Etho boy over here.

He is of course in full weeb attire, but after being informed he was not allowed to cosplay Canadian Jonin Kakashi Hatake to the wedding, he instead decided to cosplays Wedding arc Jonin Kakashi Hatake but the outfit looks more snazy.

This includes his leaf belt and sleeve patch as well as a mirror patch of a head course heard. He’s wearing a proper archer glove but the cosplay rears it’s head again with heart hand plates.

And of course Socks with Sandals to top this whole outfit off. If you look closely you can also see the dark green “E” pattern to match the one on his skin’s chest. With of course the “Zipper” color being moved to the bottom layer fabrics. 

His sandal color is also his belt color.

Also he has tiny little claws and pointy ears. Because I waited to make him vaguely not human and hadn’t fell in love with Mimicking Mocking Raven Etho like I now have. His not red eye matched his life color, while his red one keeps it’s blood and a cool heart shape.

Then of course he does have a bunch of burn and exposition scars, as well as an arrow scar covered up his mask.

Lastly; he shares some green and brow in his hair from his significant annoyance. Truly the best Murder Bois!

------

And with that, we’ve gone over all the details except for a obvious detail or two I might’ve forgotten. I tried my best to comb through it all though :)

Anyways Hope you’ve enjoyed!

[marjaystuff]

Guest Review: Hidden In the Night

Missing in Alaska Book 3

Elizabeth Goddard

Revell Pub

June 4th 2024

Hidden In the Night by Elizabeth Goddard is the last installment of the “Missing in Alaska” series. The characters must battle a blizzard and sabotage as they search for a missing person who has a lost manuscript of the famous author Jack London. There is also murder, human trafficking, romance, and humor. 

“Because the first two books in the series was about a missing person, I wanted to still have the missing part but have it as a missing theme. Ideas were tossed out and I jumped on having a missing Jack London manuscript. I loved his famous book, A Call of the Wild. My book is totally fictional.  I enjoyed researching his background. I kept asking ‘what if.’”

Former FBI Agent Ivy Elliott, also known as the Sunshine Girl, decides to honor her mother’s request to find the missing manuscript of Jack London.  The mom is dying of cancer and wants to make sure that her late daughter, Grace, and her late husband are honored since they wanted to open a museum with it.

Unfortunately, after arriving in Alaska, Ivy finds that the manuscript has been taken by Danna Arina and is not anywhere to be seen. She reconnects with Alaska State Trooper Nolan Long to find the girl and the manuscript. It seems both Nolan and Ivy were deeply attracted the first time they met.  Readers have never witnessed their first meeting and what transpired between them, and only get their previous interaction in this book. 

Ivy is a tough woman with a difficult past, since she is still trying to deal with the pain and losses she’s suffered. “She is determined, calm, and has guilt feelings over losing her sister, Grace. She is trying to work her way through the guilt and to let go.”

Nolan wants to protect her from physical and emotional harm. The Alaska State Troopers Creed is put in the beginning of the book because Nolan’s personality is incorporated in it. “It is all about standing up for what is right no matter what, and that is the kind of person Nolan is. The Creed talks about needing integrity, loyal, courage, being tenacious, a quiet professional, and is a man of action, all qualities of Nolan. He never considers himself a hero.”

As the case becomes more complicated, and they are literally fighting for their lives, Nolan and Ivy also battle the darkness of their past failures. This commonality between them helps draw them together as a unit; to become a team in the present fight. Regarding Ivy he is tender, caring, protective, and compassionate. 

Per usual, Goddard has breathtaking descriptions of the setting, this one in Glacier Bay National Park.  She writes a vivid picture that makes it easy to imagine the setting and readers can place themselves into the story. They can freeze when the blizzard starts, have trouble walking in the knee-deep snow, and battle the elements along with the characters. “I also put in the Alaskan State Trooper Creed because it explains how the environment is harsh and unforgiving. My next new series, ‘Hidden Bay,’ moves from this setting of Southeast Alaska to the Washington-Olympic Peninsula. I enjoy writing great environments and the new one will also have rocky coasts plus a rain forest. The first book in the series is titled, Storm Warning, and has a woman hiding from someone who is trying to kill her. The hero is a helicopter pilot who tries to help her. There will be a lot of adventure.”

The plot has many twists and turns with just the right mix of romance. 

[nastybuckybarnes]

Of Kings and Beasts  -  Twelve

Pairing: King!Bucky X Princess!Reader X King!Steve

Summary: Born a bastard of the King of Orlen, you’re thrust to the West to marry the Kings. However, the greeting you get is anything but warm, and your life with the King is far from enjoyable. He knows it isn’t your fault his husband is gone, but that fact alone won’t prevent him from taking it out on you.

Warnings: Angst, Language, Smut (almost?), Injuries, Violence,

Word Count: 3K

A/n: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

THIS SERIES CONTAINS SMUT AND DARK THEMES THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME AUDIENCES!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! 18+!!!!

Series Masterlist

~*~

Your eyes slowly flutter open, your head throbbing and body aching.

The events prior to your collapse come flooding into your mind and you’re suddenly filled with anxiety.

You push yourself up, wincing as ropes bite into your wrists and a gag scratches the corners of your mouth

You’re bound on a bed, still wearing your cape and gown.

“I was beginning to wonder when you would wake up... if I had been a little too rough with you,” a silky voice says.

You look over to the source, glaring at the man by the window.

Loki only smiles at you, slowly walking towards you.

“You’re far smarter than anyone gives you credit for, do you know that? The Kings think you to be nothing more than a delicate princess, but we both know that’s not true. You had to find your way, make your way. You’ve gone to great lengths just to survive. And that’s where you and I are similar.”

Two long, cold fingers are under your chin, tilting your head back.

“You’re so much more than they think. But they won’t get to know that, will they?” Your eyes widen and you shimmy back, terrified for your life.

The man only laughs, shaking his head.

“I’m not going to kill you, petal. Not yet, anyway. But I cannot say the same for your husbands.” You make a noise through your gag, wanting to only ask him one question.

“You want to know why?” He asks, waiting until you nod before answering.

“Because I have lived in the shadows for far too long. That is something that you and I have in common. We’ve both blossomed in the shadows of other people. But for no longer. It is time for me to take my rightful place as King. King of Asgard. King of Acadia. They will be one under my rule.” Your brows draw together. He means to overthrow not one but two of the strongest kingdoms on the continent.

He opens his mouth to further his explanation, but the door opens and a certain blond-haired beast walks in.

“Ah, yes. I was about to come fetch you,” Loki says, looking over at you and shooting you a wink. You’re still so confused.

“Now, you have your fun with your new wife, while I go divert the attention of her husbands,” Loki says, taking a step back. His appearance changes before your very eyes, and then you’re staring at yourself.

Your lips smile at you, and then your body is walking out of the King’s chambers and closing the door tightly behind.

Thor seems to pay his shape-shifting brother no mind and is instead entirely focused on you.

He slowly approaches the bed, hands extended towards you and you flinch away.

A frown graces his features and he shakes his head, pulling the gag from your mouth.

“I had asked him not to be so rough with you, but he insisted it was necessary. I do hope you’ll forgive me, my love.” You’re taken aback by the name, staring at him in shock.

He chuckles, the sound almost nervous.

“I suppose I should explain myself.” You wait a little less than patiently as the King gathers his thoughts, his eyes darting to you ever now and again.

“You... you are intriguing. You’ve bewitched me, as I said. Captured both my attention and my heart with only a few moments.”

“What in the name of the Gods are you speaking of?” You’re so bloody confused.

“When I first stumbled upon you, I had hoped that you were not in fact the queen. That instead, you were a mere maiden in the Palace. But even finding that you are wed to two of my dear friends... why, it wasn’t enough to stop me from falling for you.” He takes your bound hands in his, thumbs rubbing over your palms. It makes you feel sick to your stomach, and you wrench yourself out of his grip.

“You will not touch me! Not after what you’ve done.” A thought bubbles into your mind and you look up at him. “Loki had called me your new wife... what on Earth does he mean by that?” Thor grins, two fingers stroking your cheek gently while he gazes at you like a lovesick puppy.

“You are to be my wife, (Y/n). And I swear to you that I shall treat you with the respect and the love that you deserve. Your current husbands should be killed for the way they have treated something as delicate as you.” You glare at him, jerking your face away.

“You will not speak of my husbands in such a manner. Your actions are treasonous, and you will bring war upon your kingdom. Why would you do that for me? Why overthrow their kingdom? The greed of men never ceases to disgust me.” He furrows his brows, him being the confused one this time.

“Why would I not go to the ends of the Earth for the woman I love? You have carved a way into my heart, darling, and I would both die for you and kill for you.”

You shake your head vigorously, wanting to cease his speaking.

“How can you claim to love me when you do not even truly know me? You know nothing of me, besides whatever you have created from your own imagination. You do not love me, Thor. Do not try to convince yourself or me that you do.”

He grips your face roughly, eyes alight with fire.

“Do not for a moment think that I am not in love with you.” His voice is booming, frightening even, and for a moment you shrink in on yourself, reduced to that terrified young princess yet again.

He takes a deep breath then lets it out, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead.

“I did not mean to frighten you, my love, I just... I love you and I need you to know it, to accept it. You are to be my wife. My queen, and the mother of my children. I know it is not something you are keen on, only due to your loyalty to your first marriage, but that will be fixed over time, I promise. You need only give me a chance. A chance to show you how it feels to truly be loved.”

There's something off about him, his eyes, his smile. But you cannot deny the fact that his offer is tempting. A chance to not live in fear? To be treated with respect and love? It’s everything you’ve ever wanted and so much more.

But you cannot simply give up on your husbands, can you?

~*~

“There you are! We were beginning to get worried!” James exclaims, taking your hand and ushering you into the room.

Steve watches curiously, something about you seeming off to him.

“I was engaged with Loki, I do apologize for taking so long.” You sit down on the bed, hand reaching for Steve’s.

Something’s not right.

You’ve been quite receptive to their physical touches, but this doesn’t feel right.

Instead of saying anything, the King keeps quiet and plasters a smile onto his face.

“You’re safe here, darling. You need not cut your conversations short for us.” You smile up at him then look over to the note on the bedside table.

“Have you had any luck?” The two shake their heads, wishing they were closer to figuring out who the threat is.

“What can you remember about receiving the letter? The time, if anybody was around?” James watches as your brows furrow, trying to recall anything that may be of use.

“Nothing stands out... although... Thor was quite adamant about bringing me here instead of back to you. I thought that a little strange but at the time I did not question it. And... there was an incident the other night.” Steve’s hand finds your lower back, urging you to continue.

“He made advances... declared his love for me. He later apologized for it, but the entire event has put me on edge.” The two Kings exchange glances at this new information, the brunet ready to go find Thor and give him a piece of his mind.

“Please do not be angry. I’m sure he meant nothing by it, and I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble.” James shushes you, taking a seat on the bed beside you.

“You won’t cause any trouble. If this issue bothers you, then it must be brought up. We will have words with Thor.” You nod, the corners of your mouth turning up in a small but sinister grin.

~*~

The door to the chambers you’ve been trapped in opens, and the trickster walks in with a gleaming smile on his face.

“What have you done now?” You demand, tugging against your bonds.

He only chuckles, walking past you to the small tray of food on the bedside table.

“Oh, I’ve done nothing. It’s what you’ve done that will be the downfall of the two great kingdoms.” You shake your head at him, wanting to know exactly what he’s talking about.

“Right as we speak, you’re confessing to the Kings just how much my idiot brother loves you, how much he longs to be with you and how he would do anything for you. And we both know how much of a temper your husbands have, especially when it comes to you. So it is only a matter of time before they become defensive and seek him out.”

“Wait, Thor is unaware of your plot?” The man laughs, a full belly laugh from deep in his core at your question.

“Oh, Gods no! He is nothing more than a pawn in a far bigger plan than he realizes. His simple mind was far too easy to take, and his initial protection over you was easy to nurture into an infatuation and an unhealthy obsession.” He looks over at you, a smile on his face.

“And you, my dear, are going to be my greatest piece yet. His obsession will be not only the downfall of the Kingdoms, but also of you. He will be your undoing. Because in his mind, if he cannot have you, then nobody else can.” He straightens up and walks over to the wardrobe, pulling off his cloak and hanging it up.

“It’s unfortunate, really, because you are quite beautiful. Beauty is something that shouldn’t be wasted. But I suppose they’ll write sonnets and ballads about how ‘your beauty was what brought the kingdoms to ash’.” You struggle against your bonds, wanting nothing more than to take the knife strapped to your thigh and slash his throat with it.

“You will never get away with this! The Kings are far too smart. They’ll see right through your disguises.” He chuckles and turns to you, arms crossed over his chest.

“There’s a magic in this world, girl. One that you could not even begin to understand. The Kings are nothing more than mortal men. They will succumb to the powers I wield and they will burn, with you alongside them.” He cocks his head to the side, eyes raking over your face.

“But perhaps I need to have my own turn with you. Experience you both inside and out.” You shiver in disgust, pushing yourself as far back on the bed as you can.

The door creaks and the two of you look to the sound, the trickster backing up a step before vanishing into thin air, leaving you alone with the newcomer.

“I do hope you'll pardon my absence,” Thor says timidly, raking a hand through his hair and shutting the door behind himself.

“I had hoped to spend more time with you, however the duties of a King need to be fulfilled.” You say nothing, Loki’s words ringing over and over again in your ears.

You’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t realize he’s climbed onto the bed until his large hands are pushing your knees apart.

“W-wait no!” An idea bubbles into your mind and you speak before you have time to second-guess yourself.

“If you truly wish for me to enjoy our time together, you must release me from my bonds! Do not take me the way the other Kings have. Please. You say you love me, then release me so that I too may enjoy it.” His face softens and he nods, pressing a tender kiss to your cheek before reaching around your back to yank the rope off of you.

“It was never my intention to bind you, sweet flower. But Loki insisted. He said that you couldn’t be trusted and I... I believed him. Please forgive me, my love.” He takes your hands in his so gently, so much love and affection behind his actions, and you find yourself feeling sorry for the man.

Beneath the pity is an anger. Anger at Loki for putting not only Thor through this, but for tormenting you with the knowledge that his love is not real. Nothing more than a facade.

“Thor... how much do you trust your brother?” The blond looks confused by the question and takes a moment to ponder it before answering.

“I... well... Loki and I have not always seen eye to eye. But within the past few months he has come around and been more present. All I’ve ever wanted was for my brother to feel at home in his kingdom. He believes himself to be shunned, an outcast, but he is my brother and I love him dearly. It pains me to see him shut himself away, but now he’s opening back up. And I do think that there is hope for us yet.” Your heart cracks at this.

“But enough about him. This should be about us. You and me, my dear.” His lips are then on your neck, hips pushing between your thighs and big body holding you down against the mattress.

Once again, you find yourself pinned beneath a man with no hope of escaping.

Well... almost no hope.

You swallow back the bile in your throat and seek out his lips, kissing him fiercely while your hands grasp at his shoulders.

He pulls away after a moment, yanking his tunic above his head and grinning down at you.

“Eager, are we?” You nod, fingers trailing over his sculpted torso.

He is a beautiful specimen, and it pains you to do what you’re doing.

“My King,” you whisper, back arching as he kisses over your neck once again. He hums, waiting for you to speak.

“May I ride you?” The words are whispered, barely breathed in the warm air of the room, but they elicit a growl from the man above you.

Your positions are flipped in an instant, you straddling the blond man while he lays comfortably below you.

His hands find your hips while your own shaky fingers pull his manhood from his trousers.

A groan leaves his lips at the feeling of your soft hands against his hot length, and your eyes flash up to his face.

His eyes are squeezed shut, and in that moment you realize it’s now or never.

One hand stays on his length, stroking gently, while the other reaches to the dagger strapped on your inner thigh.

You don’t need to kill him, only to incapacitate him long enough for you to escape.

Disguising the motion as you simply moving your skirts out of the way, you grind your teeth together and squeeze your eyes shut.

The blade is raised high above your head, and then with all your might, you slam it down into his abdomen.

He lurches forward, eyes popping open in shock as you yank the blade back out and stumble off the bed.

His face contorts with first confusion, then betrayal, and pain following.

“Why?” His voice is a broken whisper, but you don’t dwell on it. Instead, you rise to your feet and sprint out of his chambers, bloody knife still held tightly in your grasp.

You can hear him behind you, grunting with pain as he moves through his chambers then stumbles through the doorway, but you’re already far enough ahead to create a scene if need be.

You cut through the gardens, grabbing your skirts and hiking them up above your knees to give you more room to run.

Your shoulder connects with the familiar door of safety, and you stumble inside, shaking hands dropping both your skirts and the blade onto the floor.

“(Y/n)?!” James and Steve rush over to you quickly, inspecting your body for any wounds.

“I-It’s Thor! And Loki! Loki’s behind all of it and he has Thor trapped under a curse of some kind! I do not know what he has told you, but he was posing as me and you must believe me!” You’re near hysterical, knowing that if they don’t believe you then you’ll be sent straight back into the hands of the King.

“What on earth are you talking about?” Steve asks.

“Loki is a sorcerer. A powerful one. H-he posed as me and no doubt came to the two of you. I can only imagine the lies he spewed. He means to overthrow the kingdoms and he has Thor under-” The door gets pushed open, the man in question looking around frantically until his eyes fall upon your figure.

“Ah, there you are. You needn’t be afraid, my love. I know it was only an accident.” He’s got one of his hands pressed against the gaping wound in his abdomen, the other reaching out for you.

“No!” You cry, near ready to pull your hair out.

James pushes you behind his back, unsheathing his sword and pointing it at the King.

“You will not take another step, do you understand? We can discuss this like men, not fight about it like boys.” Thor blinks a few times, eyes darting between you and your husbands.

“Very well.” He straightens up, face perfectly political.

“I would like you to hand over my wife, or I will kill her where she stands. If I cannot have her, then nobody can.”

[sanjiafsincedayone]

Why SaNa over other ships?

Now, this is not to hate on other ships or downplay them, because what shipping really comes down to is often simply preference. What characters or dynamics you enjoy and what reasons you might have for liking different things. 

No, this is simply my own reasons for why I like SaNa and also why I think they could make sense and thirdly why it’s possible Oda could be setting it up to actually happen in canon. It’s all just my views and I apologize if I forget a moment or add something that is more head canon, but again, this is my reasons and they will always be partially biased. (And there are too many to remember them all properly, so if you want to add feel welcome to do so.)

I think Sanji and Nami is a lovely ship even based just on fan content and the community. But we also get some great moments in the manga, and I personally think there is potential for Oda to make an actual romance work between them.

1. Why I like Sanji and Nami

I personally fell in love with Sanji before I even started to watch or read One Piece, simply based on his voice actor (Hiroaki Hirata), his design and his fighting style. So obviously I already have a bias towards Sanji (SanjiAFsincedayone having a bias towards Sanji? Who knew?). I didn’t ship Sanji with Nami from the start and even now I am a multi shipper who enjoys fan content with Sanji as a main part of several pairs, most prominently ZoSan.

So, when did I fall for SaNa then? Well, I have talked about it in various posts before which you can find in my Masterpost - SanjiAFsincedayone, but for me shipping Sanji and Nami more seriously didn’t start until Thriller Bark. 

Sanji took a knife in the back for her as she is dressed in a wedding dress, even this one scene is enough to explain why someone might like to ship them together.

I for sure saw many SaNa moments before that, and felt Nami seemed special to Sanji, but I didn’t think it would have a big chance of happening and I preferred other ships above it when consuming fan material. Again, shipping is after all mostly fantasy and wanting more of something in a romantic/sexual way. Thriller Bark was when Sanji and Nami’s interactions caught my attention properly and I started to look a bit closer and actually note the way Oda wrote them and their moments. Going back after and rereading I think there is a lot of interesting things even before that. But the wedding theme and bridal carry and how Oda showed them in Thriller Bark was just too on the nose to ignore.

What got me into shipping Sanji with Nami were mainly three things. 

1. Their dynamics getting more interesting over time and Sanji and Nami being two of the most well written and interesting characters in One Piece. 2. Sanji consistently seeming to have a preference for Nami in combination with my belief that he is after true love and isn’t just a pervert forever doomed to be alone. 3.  The manga showing the potential of it actually happening and them finally catching my attention in Thriller Bark. Basically there are moments to follow and look at in the actual story as well, which in turn also leads to more fan content and material for shippers.

So point 1 and 2 really is mostly about my preference and how much I enjoy watching them together and how well I imagine they would fit together. I think their personalities and desires overlap well with them being able to understand and compromise for each other while aslo being on a similar level of intelligence and communication. They also have their kindness and empathy as a highlighted shared theme for their characters.

Them talking about the Children in Punk Hazard or Sanji helping Nami turn in the argument between both Luffy and Vivi and Luffy and Usopp are some examples. Or Nami letting Sanji smoke in her body because she knows how hard it is for him. Small gestures like this show both understanding and a willingness to compromise.

I think they are fun and have a relationship that right now might need working on, but it’s clear how much they care for each other and how they actually appriciate each other a lot.

Simply put I think they are interesting together and I think they could work as a romantic couple in the future, where their dreams and family oriented views migh allign. Again, from how I view them as characters and interpret their wants and possible futures I think Sanji and Nami is a good match. They can have a restaurant either traveling the world or docked close to both Cocoyashi and Zeff, Nami can tend to her mikans together with Sanji and they can manage a restaurant for a living. I also think they are the most parental members in the crew and has shown some possible signs of wanting to settle down with families. This would also work well as a final contrast to their less than happy childhoods (You might also want to check out my post (Part 3) Sanji x Nami hints - Thematic parallels).

There is a lot of potential in their dynamics and how different they seem while they also seem willing to adapt and try to understand each other that make them interesting as characters of romantic plots. At the same time they have enough in common to relate to each other and work well together. Again, as a fictional ship within the fandom there is a lot of great artists, writers etc. that truly explore them and make Sanji and Nami a great and fun ship with an active fandom to engage with.

Of course there are more shallow reasons like them matching in age and being good-looking but really I could ship Sanji with almost any woman if it was only about the looks. I mean, Purin is basically made to be a perfect match for Sanji, but I personally find his dynamic with Nami much more interesting and his dedication to Nami is of course unpraralleled thanks to the time Oda has spent on them over many years.

I love Sanji and Nami as individual characters and with the amount of moments between them there is also a lot to explore and enjoy in the manga. It makes them interesting in a third aspect for me, which is of course analysis and the potential of them actually ending up together and looking closer at the way Oda writes them from a story perspective. For me what we have gotten from Oda in terms of Sanji x Nami moments is very interesting and I see potential there even though it would need more development to truly work for the current story.

But, again shipping doesn’t have to mean anything for the actual story... There are crack ships or slash ships that surely will never happen but that could still be great and fun to explore for the fans. Honestly, everyone is free to ship whatever they want. We all have different taste after all.

So, what about the manga then? 

2. Why do I think they could make sense as a romantic couple even in canon?

First, my own view is that Sanji is someone who seeks true love, and as briefly shown with both Violet and Purin it seems like he would take an actual relationship seriously if given the chance. I also think it would make him happy and thus as Oda might want to create happy resolutions for the strawhats I think Sanji ending up with someone has quite a big chance of happening. This is combination with his preference for Nami and in turn Nami truly caring for him (though not yet in a romantic way) is something that makes me think it could happen. Other ships have potential too depending on how Oda decides to develop them, but considering how he keeps adding moments for SaNa in the way he does as of now I still think SaNa is the most likely ship for Sanji.

As I mentioned earlier I also think Nami has shown some possible inclinations for wanting a family (or at least being a great mother if we look at her with children in many arc, not the least Punk Hazard) and maybe even getting married eventually. 

If she ends up with someone we will need to see a more obvious attraction and want for romance from her no matter what ship we might consider. She has at this point not shown a lot, but I do think the thematic parallels she shares with Sanji in combination with how their moments are written has the potential to grow into something more. 

As a romantic pair I think Sanji and Nami would be happy, he would adore her and take care of her and both of them would probably find that ideal. In fact it’s already a big part of their dynamics and seem to make them both happy. They also seem to try to understand and show interest in knowing each other as seen with several scenes and general attention towards each other’s backstories. They also challange each other in different ways and we have seen them compromise a few times. I think compared to many other relationship in the manga Oda has shown more personal moments between them. So a romantic additional aspect is not too far off. Not that Oda would make it happen now, but that he would lay down the groundwork for it to work by the end of the series.

In short I think they would make each other happy, but also challange and grow thanks to the other. I think their dreams of traveling the world with Nami drawing her map and Sanji cooking on all the seas and finding All Blue and then settiling down together close to both their “homes” in East Blue with a restaurant and family seems to fit them both. It wouldn’t always be easy, but I think they would actually enjoy their dynamics with Nami bossing Sanji around most of the time.

Now this all sounds nice and all, but it’s of course just my imagination based on biased interpretations of the manga. So where do I get it from?

3. The way SaNa is portrayed by Oda

Now this is really the biggest point... Because again, I can ship whatever characters I want and it is just for fun. It doesn’t have to happen for me to enjoy it or I wouldn’t ship Sanji with Zoro. But with Sanji and Nami there are legit reasons in addition to my preference that makes me think it could happen in the manga.

It might take years to actually go through it all in order with my additional interpretations, but I will try to go through the basics themes and moments that to me could indicate SaNa over any other Sanji or Namji ship.

I think the obvious thing to talk about first is simply how Sanji definitely has a romantic (and sexual) interest in Nami. No matter what other character you might see with either of them, this has been shown consistantly over the whole manga. You may argue that Sanji might be interested in others equally, and though I wouldn’t agree it’s a fair point. However from a story perspective it would still need to be resolved. It’s highly unlikely for Nami to end up with anyone unless Sanji ends up with someone else and gets a happy ending too.

As for Sanji’s interest in Nami I personally think Oda has paid a lot of attention to it in a way that makes it the most likely ship for Sanji. He might yet add moments between other ships and develop them (most notably San/Pu of course), but in my opinion the way Oda has added Nami in other potential romantic moments with Sanji it seems Nami is above every other woman so far.

Most importantly I think we have seen: 

Sanji leave Violet who actually seemed to show interest in him to run off to save Nami (and the crew, but the point is that Oda chose to highlight and add this moment with focus on Nami to begin with).

Sanji being more focused on Nami even when Vivi and Robin has been on the ship or at the same place. Oda definitely puts Sanji with Nami above other women at least in amount of moments and involvment.

Sanji being very concerned with Nami in front of Purin and being shown happy with her (the bridal carry for example) and saying he loves her right in front of Purin.

Sanji having stronger reactions to Nami than other women. This could just be my way of seeing it, but I do think we have seen the strongest reactions from Sanji when it comes to Nami. Not the least with turning into a literal devil when he heard she was kidnapped by Absalom. For example compare Sanji rushing after Nami in both Skypiea and Thriller Bark even to him going after Robin. Or his reaction to Nami getting sick in Drum. We simply have a lot of strong reactions from Sanji towards Nami in different ways and more importantly Oda seeming to add focus on them. 

We also have him reacting to things like “women’s tears” or calls but only indicating Nami might be calling him personally. For example Sanji hearing Tashigi cry or saying he trusts Violet or Robin even though they are lying but for Nami adding things like “I think I heard Nami call out for me” or moments like “I leave my Nami to you”. Basically the way Oda writes it there often seems to be added a more personal stake in Sanji’s reactions and moments with Nami compared to with other women.

So from Sanji’s point of view, and the way Oda has written them so far, I think he puts Nami above every other woman. But more importantly, Oda shows us moments between them that he doesn’t add for other ships as consistantly or in romantic looking ways. Keep in mind that both Nami and Sanji are main characters, but they are not Luffy. Oda choosing to not use Luffy (who will obviously have strong moments with all of his nakama, like how he had his own time with Sanji both in Baratie and WCI) for some of these moments but rather insert Sanji or Nami instead for each other’s stories makes it more relevant. Because it’s not an obvious choice in the same way. It’s a choice based on their characters and dynamics within the world, not because of their roles as main hero or heroine. Here are some examples.

1. Their first meeting. Sanji is for the first time seen in love cook mode and he basically seem ready to leave everything behind for Nami. Right away his reaction to Nami is stronger than what we have seen from him and it seems to hold true even with time.

2. SaNa having interest and plot relevance to each other’s back stories. Sanji getting involved with hearing Nami’s back story and saving his sister.  Also, calling her “sister” which indicates a platonic familiarity where he puts Nami above Nojiko romantically (yes, despite flirting some with her). Nami in turn also getting involved and showing interest in Sanji’s backstory, pushing to go with Luffy to save Sanji and being the one to remind us of Sanji’s past and character traits.

3. Sanji getting personally tantalized by using Nami. This has happened several times, the first with Kuroobi in Arlong Park, but also with Mr. 2 in Alabasta, Absalom in Thriller Bark and then in Fishman Island (Zou too, but that wasn’t just Nami) and on Zou. You can check my post (thought not updated fully) Sanji and Nami – Fights and danger for a more detailed view. (Even in movies like Strong World Sanji has a direct talk with Shiki about Nami and it seems most people are aware of Sanji being extra sensitive to Nami.)

4. Sanji asking Nami if she is jealous or if she loves him, indicating again that he is interested to know is she is interested in him. Once even responding “I love you too”. In general Nami responding in these situations in a more “positive way” or Oda showing Sanji interpreting her actions as more romantic. For example the “proposal” or the hug in WCI.

5. Romantic looking moments or themes. Now this is of couse not something that has been done mutually between them and thus aren’t actually romantic scenes. But the tropes and common use for many of the things that Oda has chosen to use for Sanji and Nami are romantic in nature. Of course the two forced marriages are the strongest examples with them rescuing each other from getting married to someone else. But we also have the switch body trope, the slap and of course smaller gestures like the bridal carries or the way Oda drew the hug between them in WCI. I am not saying that SaNa is the only ship with romantic looking moments, because San/Pu And San/Violet obviously has some as well. However, considering the amount SaNa moments and the fact that he has left Violet and Purin in particular for Nami seems to make the SaNa moments trump any other ship. At least for me personally SaNa as it is now and as Oda has portrayed it in comparison to other Sanji ships gets in the way of Sanji ending up with someone else unless Oda starts to make some changes.

I want to make some emphasis on how Nami and Sanji seem to get some “bigger” moments between them in almost every arc. Again, compare this to Sanji with other women, or even Nami with other crew members.

Baratie - Their first meeting and Sanji’s reaction to Nami and interest gets focus. Arlong Park - Sanji shows interest in Nami’s past and Kuroobi mocks Sanji by specfically mentioning Nami. ( Loguetown Arc, Reverse Mountain Arc, Whiskey Peak Arc and Little Garden mostly have small moments, like Sanji asking if Nami is jealous or Sanji giving Nami his jacket.) Drum Island - Nami is sick and we see Sanji worry and care for her and in the end even sacrificing himself for her. Nami worries about him too. Alabasta - Sanji fighting Mr. 2 looking like Nami and lots of small moments like Sanji asking Nami if she loves him.

Jaya - Nami showing interest in Sanji’s back story. Small things like Nami hiding for the bugs behind Sanji or Sanji. Skypiea - Sanji being hell-bent of saving Nami and making the others look for her. Then him saving Nami and Usopp from Enel and Nami being worried in return. (Both times Sanji gets hit by Enel Nami is there and worries.) Then a lot of small moments like him giving her a flower and Nami pulling Sanji’s ear for flirting with Conis. Long Ring Long Land - Nami encourage Sanji be the ball and win, but mostly small moments like Sanji getting annoyed with Aokiji for flirting with Nami or him sitting next to her and trying to kiss her. Water 7 - Sanji leaving his love letter to Nami and Nami being worried for (and impressed with) Sanji. Enies Lobby - Sanji losing against a woman, Nami being understanding and then stepping in to basically revenge him. Also Sanji hearing it as Nami loving him and then him showing up to save Nami and Usopp from Jyabura.

Post-Enies Lobby - Not much, but Sanji stepping in to make Nami and Zoro stop fighting and make Nami understand Zoro’s pov. Thriller Bark - Sanji just being extremely focused on Nami and worried about her throughout the whole arc. Also him getting specifically selected by Luffy to save Nami. Of course the wedding theme with the bridal carry and Sanji’s reaction to Nami. Also Sanji’s Zombie protecting Nami (and later kicking Robin) and his “obsession with Nami” being mentioned. Sabaody Archipelago - Another smaller arc, but we do get Nami worried about Sanji possibly drowning. And smaller moments like Sanji being angry for Nami being put in danger by the Fishman Riders or him telling Franky to take care of Nami as he runs to protect Zoro. When they return we of course also get the nosebleeds, and Sanji daydreaming about Nami’s development.

Fishman Island - Sanji’s reaction to Jinbei and Arlong. Also the fishmen pointing out that Nami might be their weakness due to Sanji’s “over reaction“ to her falling. Punk Hazard - The body swtich, Sanji’s body saving Nami and Sanji being careful with not hurting her etc. Also them working together to save the children, Sanji listening to Nami’s request and saying he loves her more because of her kindness. Also small things like Sanji giving his jacket to Nami again. Dressrosa - Sanji leaving Violet behind to save Nami, insisting that he should be the one to save her and then him getting attacked by Doflamingo and Nami getting worried and not wanting to leave him. Sanji basically tries to sacrifice himself for Nami for the 4th time (Drum, Skypiea x2, also maybe in Thriller Bark). Zou - We get a lot of focus on Nami and Sanji together, and then of course when Sanji is gone Nami is the driving force for his plot. Once again Nami is also used to taunt Sanji (inside Capone). Then Nami is both the one to mention Sanji being from North Blue and to listen to Pekom’s talk about his family. Not to mention her insisting on going with Luffy to WCI and having a fight with Zoro as she defends Sanji. Whole Cake Island - The way she pushes for them to find Sanji, her hapiness when they find him and her hurt and the slap. We even get something like Nami being tantalized with Sanji by both Purin and Brulee. The only strawhat besides Luffy who gets a personal story thread with Sanji and a personal resolution for their conflict is Nami. The tension seems personal and combined with Sanji having another love interest but choosing Nami above her it does seem like Nami is the more natural choice both for Sanji and for Oda. 

There is also a distinct increase in romantic-looking moments between them, with them touching more than ever before.

Wano - Even after WCI it doesn’t seem like Oda is stopping the SaNa moments. Sanji manages to save and carry Nami three times in the beginning of Wano. On top of that we have the bath scene and of course a lot of small moments and mentions between them like Sanji asking Usopp to take care of “My Nami-san” or Sanji jumping in abobe Nami to save her from arrows. 

How many times have we had Sanji be the one to go after Nami or save her? By his own choice, by being the one present or even by Luffy asking Sanji to go. Oda puts Sanji next to Nami a lot, and I think it’s possible he might be doing it for a reason.

Who knows what we might get, but the fact that we have as much as we do really seems to show Oda having a preference to put them together in various ways.

The point is they have a lot of time and moments dedicated to them from Oda despite them both being secondary characters. At this point it’s possible Sanji is the person Nami has moments with the most in the story besides Luffy (and perhaps Usopp) as they often end up together. Of course this is including them thinking about and talking about each other as well, and not just direct interacting. For example counting the body switch and Nami being worried and focused on Sanji while on Zou. Oda doesn’t have to, but he has chosen to write it like this. On top of that he adds romantic interest from Sanji and romantic looking moments between them.

I could go on, and there are plenty of moments and examples to find between Nami and Sanji that are interesting to look a bit deeper at. You can check out my Masterpost - SanjiAFsincedayone for some of them. But as it is now here are the main points for why I think SaNa at least has a bigger chance to happen than other ships with the two of them as it is now.

One-sided attraction and romantic interest from Sanji’s side that needs to be resolved in one way or another.

Nami seems special to Sanji. Even small things like only using -san for her and -chan for others is a detail that makes her stand out to him.

Great involvement in each other’s stories. Oda likes adding Sanji and Nami in moments together both for interaction and explenation about each other. For example Sanji is also often used to save Nami.

Interactions of understanding and changing dynamics between the two, like them compromising for each other or wanting to know about the other’s past. Matching personalities and a possible future.

Romantic themes and moments, mainly the weddings, but also the amount of times Sanji has saved Nami and things like the hug being drawn in a very romantic looking way with Nami being more focused on.

Tension and urgency. This is basically Sanji and Nami having a lot of focus on each other in dire situations and Oda showing it with specific mentions.

So, to summarize, I like Sanji and Nami both as indvidual characters and together. I enjoy them as a ship and to explore their dynamics in a romantic way no matter what they might end up as in the story. Anyone should be able to respect that people have different preferences. Additionally I think and speculate that they would work well and could happen in the manga as well. This is obviously a biased interpretation and opinion. 

I might be wrong, but you should be able to respect that too as we have yet to get anything objectivly confirming any ship. We don’t know if any ship with end up canon at all. Maybe Sanji and Nami will remain a ship that never becomes canon, but even so they are a ship that is definitely worth enjoying.

I hope you found this post interesting and can enjoy your own ship and fandom while also seeing that it’s ok for others to like something different than you. Thanks for reading.

[illuminatedquill]

Extracurricular, An Analysis

Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is sign on as it’s accomplice.”  - Tom Robbins 

You know the story. You’ve heard it before, right? 

Boy meets girl. 

Girl finds out that boy is running a side protection business for prostitutes. 

Girl decides to blackmail boy into letting her join his business. 

Classic high school criminal shenanigans ensue leading them into more dangerous situations where they are forced to make desperate decisions to stay alive. 

Oh, and they fall in love along the way. 

Oh? You haven’t heard this one before? Then let me introduce you to this delightful kdrama called Extracurricular. 

I watched this one while waiting for the newest Hometown Cha Cha Cha episodes to drop and ended up binging the whole series in two days. There are many remarkable parts of this series: it’s a crime drama, first and foremost, that showcases high school teenagers caught in a cycle of violence and crime, abandoned by the society and adults that are supposed to be protecting them. There are no clear good guys and bad guys in this drama; everyone is cast in shades of grey. Our main leads, Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri, run the prostitution business, and are both from broken family backgrounds. Their actions are morally questionable at best, but the top tier performances from Kim Dong Hee (you might remember him from Itaewon Class) and Park Ju Hyun make you cheer for them anyway. You want them to have a happy ending, despite the horrible things they do. The audience is always reminded that despite how clever they are in staying ahead, their actions have consequences, and they’re just high school kids. The drama never pulls it punches. 

But, weirdly enough, it’s also a love story. And that’s the part the really sticks with me until now. (The chemistry between the main leads is absolute dynamite and I could watch ten episodes of them just verbally sparring with each other. They don’t even kiss. They’re that fantastic when together on screen.)

I’m writing this because this is undoubtedly one of my all time favorite kdramas and I have a lot of feelings about our main pairing, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri. I can’t call them a couple (wait, didn’t I just say they fall in love) because their relationship can’t be labelled simply as that. Think of it as something similar to the main leads in My Ahjussi. Two people who should have become soulmates, yet met at the wrong time. 

This kdrama is not particularly happy, and while I do encourage people to watch this, I am warning that the subject matter is extremely dark. If you’re sensitive to scenes depicting sexual assault, graphic violence, or anything in that zip code you’ll want to steer clear. 

Also, I’ll be diving into spoiler territory in this analysis. So if you want to go in clean, then stop reading here. 

Still here? Awesome. Let’s dive deep into the messy, amazing pairing that is Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri. First, let’s do a brief character background on our two main leads, starting with Ji-soo. 

Oh Ji-soo is one half of our main pairing and this story starts with him. He lives by himself and has been essentially abandoned by his only parents; his father is a failed businessman who gambles whatever money he acquires on scams and his mother ran away. His apartment is small, sparse, but functional. He owns only a few outfits aside from his school uniform. The only unique item he owns is a pet hermit crab that he takes care of. His life outside of school is non-existent; he has no friends, no one to hang out with and do typical high school teenager activities with. He takes care of himself and lives only for himself and his “dream”: to graduate, attend college, get married, and have kids like a normal person. 

But to do that, he needs a large amount of money. He has no other financial means to do so (his father is largely absent, as is his mother), so he decides, at some point, to start up this protection business for prostitutes. The drama doesn’t go into detail about the how and why he came to this conclusion that this was the best way to make a lot of money in a short amount of time, so you’ll have to suspend your disbelief from the get go. Considering the themes of the story (how youths abandoned by society tend to act out in extreme ways to make it in this world), it’s not hard to believe his desperation would drive him to make such a decision. 

Ji-soo, despite his shady business, is actually a decent person. There’s a streak of humanity that exists inside him that refuses to go out, despite the increasingly dark and bleak events that start to overtake his life. He’s attached to his hermit crab, cares for his “employees” outside of them being tools to make him money, and doesn’t want to see anyone get hurt. He goes above and beyond what’s required to help out people at the risk of his own life (in particular, Gyu-ri, and we’ll get into that shortly). 

What we learn from the first few episodes is that Oh Ji-soo is extremely smart and methodical in how he approaches his life. At school, he is known as a model student - quiet, top of the class in terms of grades, doesn’t draw any attention to himself, always follows along with what the teachers ask of him. Only his homeroom teacher, Mr. Cho, seems to consider his quiet style of existence to be concerning and tries to make him less socially awkward by pairing him up with another student in a new extracurricular club. This leads to the introduction of Bae Gyu-ri, Ji-soo’s longtime crush and future partner-in-crime. 

Meet Bae Gyu-ri, the other half of our dynamic duo. Her introduction into the story kickstarts the entire plot, as one of her earliest actions leads to a domino effect that spells increasing doom and tragedy for our main leads. She messes with Ji-soo’s operation at a critical moment and she spends the rest of the drama doing her best to make up for the consequences that follow. 

In my personal opinion, she is probably the best main female lead I’ve ever seen in a kdrama. Hands down, no other character exists (currently) that rivals her sheer cunning, wit, and badassery. Gyu-ri is Crazy, capital C, and is the chaos to Ji-soo’s control; the fire to his ice. Despite being the direct cause of half the events that happen to Ji-soo in the drama, he can’t help but need her because of what she offers. They make an incredible team. Her competitiveness, her need to win no matter the odds, helps them survive time and time again. 

Gyu-ri is from the opposite end of the spectrum of Ji-soo; he’s dirt poor and she’s insanely rich (always nice to see a reversal of typical kdrama tropes). Her mother and father run a successful entertainment company. Gyu-ri is popular at school, friends with seemingly everybody, pretty, cheerful and gets along well with her teachers. Ji-soo, and the audience, believe from the beginning that she has the perfect life. It’s not hard to believe that she’s just involving herself in Ji-soo’s business because she’s bored and needs an outlet, at first. 

We soon learn otherwise. Gyu-ri has more in common with Ji-soo than he initially realizes, in that they’re both trapped in circumstances beyond their control - it’s just that Gyu-ri’s cage is gilded, whereas his is not. Her parents are strict and have her life planned out for her, all without her consent or input, leaving her feeling frustrated and powerless despite her rich lifestyle. A suicide attempt hasn’t done much to change her parents attitude towards her, only serving to further their control over her life. 

So, when she learns of Ji-soo’s operation she immediately seeks to angle her way into it. First, she tries to rip him off, believing that he’s an evil “pimp” and thus deserves it. But after spending some time with him, she changes her mind last second and decides to help him out instead. 

And, now, let’s get into their relationship, which is one of the best (if not the best) aspect in the entire series. 

I need to be upfront about something: the relationship between Ji-soo and Gyu-ri is not exactly healthy. I wouldn’t describe it as toxic - the circumstances surrounding them aren’t exactly the best environment to encourage open and honest communication - but it’s definitely not what should be considered ideal, especially for young adults, and especially for young adults who are dabbling in crime instead of studying. 

So, why do I love them so much? If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know that I loathe toxic relationships in kdramas, so I understand if you think I’m coming off as hypocritical here. Why do I like Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri when I didn’t like, for example from recent history, (oh boy, here I go again on my Nevertheless BS) Park Jae-eon and Yu Na-bi?

First, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are way cooler than Jae-eon and Na-bi ever could be. They run a criminal enterprise that involves having a high amount of intelligence, cunning, and daring to do so. Do Jae-eon and Na-bi run a criminal enterprise as a side business? No, they don’t, because they’re boring art students. 

Secondly, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri actually progress in their relationship and change their views as they learn from each other. Now, granted, that progress isn’t towards becoming better versions of each other - quite the opposite. But at least they have progress. Jae-eon and Na-bi stayed in the same stupid cycle for the whole series and then decided that it was better staying that way as opposed to trying for something else. 

Last, but certainly not least, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are actually interesting to watch for me. The chemistry between Park Ju Hyun and Kim Dong Hee is explosive and they way they spar, exchange looks, and just generally exist around each other on screen is something I can watch forever. I’ve said this before but Han So Hee and Song Kang’s on screen chemistry, outside of their intimate scenes, really didn’t impress me. 

Okay, back to Extracurricular. This relationship, man. It’s all I can think about (other than HomeCha’s Du-sik and Hye-jin, but that’s another post). Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are so good together. 

I’ve noted before that Ji-soo is methodical in how he approaches his life; he plans out everything ahead, and rigs any situation as much as he can in his favor. It’s brilliant, but when a crisis happens, he doesn’t know how to deal with it effectively. He panics and flounders; becomes indecisive at a time when clear, decisive action is required. 

Enter Gyu-ri. She quickly becomes the partner he never knew he needed. When there’s a situation, she becomes invaluable in her quick thinking and wit, coming up with solutions on the fly. It’s not perfect, but it keeps them just one small step ahead of whatever is coming their way. 

The only thing preventing them from becoming unstoppable is the lack of communication and trust they have with each other. A lot of that has to do with how Gyu-ri entered Ji-soo’s business - she blackmailed him first, and, when that failed, she strong armed her way into getting him to accept her help. It’s implied in the drama that Ji-soo has had a crush on Gyu-ri for a while (since ninth grade, I believe) and in the first episode he actually gets the chance to spend time with her outside of school on a sort of quasi-date. 

It goes sideways pretty quickly because of some shenanigans from his business, but not before she gets to know him and says some pretty touching words regarding his situation. Poor guy is head over heels - even after finding out that she’s the one blackmailing him, his feelings are only dampened, not extinguished. When he catches a glimpse of her family’s situation, he gains a deeper understanding of her and why she acts the way she does. Even more importantly, Ji-soo treats her the same after finding out this information which, to someone like Gyu-ri, means more than if he comforted her about it. 

If you want to see a physical representation of how he feels, other than paying attention to his actions, you can see it in him keeping mementos from Gyu-ri. She has an interesting habit of folding bags into origami shapes and giving it to him. Even after the blackmail reveal, you can see that he continues to keep these in a container on his desk. It’s really cute that he keeps these, when it probably doesn’t even matter that much to Gyu-ri. 

Towards the end of the drama, Ji-soo prepares to turn himself in to prevent Gyu-ri from being implicated in the crimes they committed. And it costs him almost everything to protect her. Ji-soo, the quiet, nerdy kid, puts himself on the line time and time again to protect Gyu-ri, knowing that it puts his life and his dream at risk to do so. And all for what? For some girl that he thinks doesn’t even like him in return? 

Well, let’s talk about that. Because I’ve seen some comments that Gyu-ri was only using Ji-soo for her own selfish gain. And I can agree that was how it was at the beginning for her; she definitely was only interested in acquiring money, like Ji-soo was, in order to achieve her own goal of being free from her parents. 

But, oh man, that is not what is motivating her at the end. 

It’s actually pointed out relatively early by some of her friends that it’s obvious that she likes Ji-soo more than he likes her. Understandably Ji-soo is keeping her at arms length from him given the whole recent blackmailing, so it would make sense that it looks that way. 

Further questioning reveals what she likes the most about him: 

“It’s not like I’m crazy about him. He’s fun. And amusing. He’s smart. And there’s a certain charm he has. He also has a wolfish side to him. But he thinks he’s a puppy.” 

- Bae Gyu-ri

But, as she gets to know Ji-soo better, you can certainly see that she starts to fall hard for him. As a cover story for why they hang out so much together during and after school, Gyu-ri states to everyone that they’re dating. The reactions across the school definitely imply that this is a shocking development, which means that Gyu-ri hasn’t dated anyone before. So why Ji-soo other than the reasons she herself states? 

He challenges her, just as she challenges him. Gyu-ri may be the more dynamic, quick thinking of the pair but Ji-soo is every inch her intellectual equal - just in different ways. She doesn’t seem to be the type to be easily impressed, but you can tell that she’s definitely impressed by Ji-soo’s operation and how thoroughly set up it is. When Ji-soo is frustrated at the beginning by his setbacks, he blows up at another student (knocks him out in a crazy punch) and immediately walks over to Gyu-ri afterwards (who saw the whole thing) to inform her that she is now his partner in crime. 

The look in her eyes, and the small smirk she has speaks volumes about her attraction to him in that scene. Smoldering. 

And, oh yes, she’s prone to jealousy. Another classmate, Min-hee, gives Ji-soo a present out of the blue (it was supposed to be for her boyfriend, Ki-tae, but that’s another sub-plot) - all within view of Gyu-ri. It’s hilarious how she tries to brush it off. Later, for plot reasons, Ji-soo has to spend more time with Min-hee which only furthers Gyu-ri’s annoyance. 

And her motivations stop being entirely about the money and more towards helping preserve the dream that she and Ji-soo share about being free. There’s a scene in episode 8 where it’s revealed that, due to a business partnership with a local gang (set up by none other than Gyu-ri herself in a desperate move), Ji-soo would have to drop out of school permanently to work on their behalf. Gyu-ri overhears this and, despite badly needing the gang’s help in sustaining their own business, immediately terminates the partnership. 

All because it would interfere with Ji-soo’s dream. 

Man, if that isn’t love. 

In the following episode, Gyu-ri, and later on Ji-soo, is kidnapped by the same gang in retaliation for terminating their partnership. Ji-soo comes to her rescue but Gyu-ri is already almost free (again, she’s really, really badass) and is demanding that they bring Ji-soo to her instead of running for her life. 

Surviving this latest attempt puts the two in a reflective, vulnerable mood and Gyu-ri asks Ji-soo why he keeps saving her. Ji-soo asks later on why she keeps risking her life to be with him. They don’t say the answer in words but in an almost kiss (yeah, you read that right - almost). 

And then, if you aren’t already convinced, Ji-soo crosses his one last remaining line in an effort to keep Gyu-ri safe; he accidentally pushes a fellow classmate down some steps and, instead of helping her, leaves her to die after grabbing the evidence she has on him and Gyu-ri. 

Extracurricular pulls off quite the magic trick here, hiding this well done love story in the middle of a serious crime drama. 

The real tragedy is that Ji-soo thinks that Gyu-ri views this whole business, and by extension his life, as one big game. It’s something that she takes offense at, visibly becoming upset when he says that. 

But even if that were true, he should be assured since Gyu-ri doesn’t like to lose. 

As they hurtle towards the end and face up to the consequences of their actions, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri undoubtedly lose sight of their original goals and dreams. They do some fairly horrible things to stay alive and ahead of the police who are close on their trail. You can’t really blame them for doing what they did; in the face of a society that has abandoned them, what they’re doing is a logical outcome to gain what they want so desperately and deserve so much: the chance to be free to live like normal, care-free people. 

I can’t say for certain that they achieve that. The drama is serious in consequences and, at the end, the net around them is drawing tighter and tighter. I won’t spoil the ending scene for you, because I highly encourage you watch this drama yourself but I will say this: Ji-soo and Gyu-ri seem stuck in an impossible situation with nowhere to go, and no one to help them, with a clock ticking down towards either death or discovery by the police. 

But, all the same, I’m always the optimist. They’ve gotten through situations like this before and they can certainly do so again. Maybe not as bad as this one, but not too far out of their league. And, like I mentioned before, Gyu-ri doesn’t like to lose. Especially when it comes to Ji-soo. 

Their relationship is truly dangerous, as Ji-soo himself notes. Them being together is the source of their problems; they’re too much alike now, as opposed to the beginning of the drama where he stated that they’re too different. Their love is the kind of love where both of them are willing to burn the whole world down if it means keeping each other safe. 

I’m a real sucker for those kind of love stories. No one’s a hero here. They’re just kids in high school, doing the best with what they know. 

Who are we to judge what is right and wrong? Especially when the one committing the acts are high school kids who don’t know any better and just want to save each other? 

Do we have that right? 

Do they really deserve that punishment? Shouldn’t we be pointing fingers at the society that forced them to act this way? 

Extracurricular really makes you think about that. Is it really so outlandish and terrible what Ji-soo and Gyu-ri do to survive when the adults who are supposed to be protecting them, teaching them better, have failed in their duty? 

Maybe they really did win at the end. Not so much in succeeding in their goals but in gaining something that not even regular people are likely to find - a partner, a soulmate, someone who will stand by you no matter what. 

If you do watch the ending, and are not an optimist like I am, then all I can say is this: whatever happened, they were together at the end. 

They were together. 

[taeescript]

IX. Script of the Angel (m)

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 >> This is the story of three very different people. A successful novelist, a blossoming artist and a dedicated cop. They seem to have nothing in common. Yet, they are continually drawn to each other. It is as if their fates have been intertwined. Written. That they must meet.

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> ft. jungkook and jimin primarily.

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 >> policeman!jimin, author!jungkook, painter!freader, serialkiller!XXX; a classic game of cat and mouse

𝔴/𝔠 >> 4.8k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> mature themes depicted. due to the explicit nature of the topic (serial killers, murders, violence, sexual content, infidelity etc.) this is rated 18+. to spare storytelling: please consider yourself warned. chapter warning: mentions of self-harm and infidelity; depictions of blood and murder. 

𝔞/𝔫 >> topics discussed in this chapter may be brief, but they are serious. please take the warnings mentioned above seriously. if at any point this makes you uncomfortable, please stop reading. 

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Jimin pulls up to the house, and his GPS beeps to tell him that he has arrived at location. He observes the scene from his spot in his car. He then steps out, walks to the door and rings the doorbell.

“Did you forget something?” Liza’s mother opens the door with the question. “Oh!”

Jimin gives an apologetic smile. “Sorry to bother you ma’am, but could I ask you a few questions? S.F.P.D.” He flashes his badge.

A few days ago, he had discovered that a vehicle had been rented out under the name Jeon Jungkook. Consequently, he had put in a request to his friends at the station to inform him of any and all movements of this vehicle. His friends had laughed at him, sending him quickly away as they did not have time to do this for him. Jimin thoroughly pleaded his case and had been given a simple tracking program in which he had used to follow Jungkook around today.

Liza’s mother steps out of the house and quickly closes the door behind her. However, she is not fast enough to hide Liza peering out from Jimin’s observant eyes.

“Your daughter?” he asks.

She becomes flustered. “I…You…Yes. Sorry, who did you say you were?”

He holds out his badge again. “S.F.P.D.”

“R-Right. I see your identification.”

The badge is put away.

“It’s just that we don’t usually have policemen coming to our doors and well, I didn’t want to scare Liza, my daughter,” her mother continues.  

“It’s not a problem, ma’am, and I’m very sorry to have to interrupt your day like this.”

Shaking her head, she waves his concern away.

“Would you be available to answer a few questions right now? It won’t take much of your time,” he tells her.

She nods.

“Did you have any visitors at your house today?” he starts.

“Visitors? Well…” she rambles off a few names and then stops. He hopefully looks on and exhales only when she speaks again. “There was also a man who stopped by. A few minutes before you actually.”

Finally, he is getting somewhere.

“I see. This man you speak about. Have you seen him before?”

“No. That was my first time. I think he worked for an insurance company? He wasn’t even supposed to be at our house; he was looking for a Mrs. Fallon perhaps down the street,” she tells him. A sudden thought dawns upon and she gasps, horror splashing ugly across her face. “He’s not some criminal, is he? Heavens! He seemed like such a nice man as well!”

He places a comforting hand on her shoulder. “There’s nothing to worry about. Could you tell me a little more about him? You said he worked for an insurance company?”

The woman is extremely nervous. He can read it off her body language as she continues to tug at the hem of her shirt. His previous words had not been any consolation to her at all. He appeals one more time.

“Truth be told, I’m here investigating claims about a group assuming fake identities to sell illegal goods to occupants in this area.”

“You don’t think….!” she holds a hand over her mouth.

He shrugs. “We’re not too sure yet. However, if you help answer some of these questions, we’d be able to track down this group quicker.”

“O-Of course! The man showed me some papers. I couldn’t get a real good look, but I think I saw a logo on there. That one with the giant “L” and the twigs that stick out on the side. I can’t remember the name of the company, however…” her voice trails off.

She doesn’t need to explain further as Jimin recognizes the logo.

“Not a problem. Well, that’s all for today. Thank you so much for your time, ma’am,” he nods and begins to leave.

“That’s all? I haven’t even given you the name!” she calls after him.

“You’ve been very helpful!” he shouts behind him, “Have a good day and stay safe!”

He enters his car quickly to prevent her from calling out at him again. The logo she had explained is one he is familiar with. It is one he’s seen often at the building two blocks away from the station, and he knows for a fact that Jungkook does not work for that company.

All Jungkook had done was talk to the woman. They had barely exchanged enough words for her to even remember who he was. However, he was also clearly not there to sell any type of insurance.

If so, what had Jeon Jungkook been doing at that house then?

…................

“Excuse me, would you be able to tell me where I can find this gentleman?” she slides the wallet sized photo of herself and said man to the receptionist.

The pretty lady on the other side faintly smiles upon seeing it. “Your husband?” she asks.

Krystal blushes. “Oh no. He’s my boyfriend. I was hoping that maybe you can locate him.”

The lady’s eyebrows furrow upon her words. “Is he missing? I can direct you to the Missing Person’s Unit.”

“No!” Krystal immediately blurts, “Sorry. I mean, he’s not missing. He had told me previously that the station had called him in for an interview? He’s not involved in any crime. They only wanted to ask him some questions.”

Her fingers fly across the keyboard while chewing on her pen. After a few moments, the receptionist looks back up at Krystal for a brief moment. “What did you say his name was?”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

More typing. “Ah, yes. He came in quite some time ago. I have him signed in to visit the Homicide Unit with Lieutenant Wang.”

“Ah, would you be able to direct me to the Lieutenant?”

“Well, I can’t just have you going in…” the receptionist bites her lips in thought. She scratches something down on her notepad before her head snaps up again.

…...............

Namjoon and Jimin had returned from their lunch break. Jimin had only been planning to go down for a quick sandwich at the cafeteria but he had been dragged along by Namjoon to go to the nearby Thai restaurant. It all started when Jimin had observed that Namjoon had an unopened lunch bag on his desk.

“Youngji made lunch for me,” Namjoon had said.

Perhaps this is the opportunity to bring up his suspicions on Jungkook; he hadn’t spoken of the matter to Namjoon for a while now. In fact, he hadn’t even told his supervisor about the vehicle tracking he did a few days ago.

“Oh? What did she make you?” Jimin had innocently asked. How he regretted the decision.

The entire time they were out, Namjoon had complained about his wife’s cooking – especially her renewed passion for cooking green foods (for a brief time, Youngji had stopped). His complaints had paused while they were physically partaking in their lunch meal, and Jimin had thought Namjoon forgot about it, but on their walk back to the station, Namjoon began ranting again. He hadn’t even had the chance to bring up Jungkook’s name let alone his recent observations.

“I don’t even like green beans. I try to tell her, but she insists on making them because they’re healthy,” Namjoon groans, “How does one tell their wife to stop cooking for them?”

Jimin sighs. “Maybe simply saying ‘Please stop cooking for me’.”

That causes Namjoon to roll his eyes. “This is why you’ll never get married. You can’t just tell your wife that her food sucks. I have thick skin when it comes to speaking up to anybody else, but her… I’d rather just down it.”

“You didn’t though. You threw it out and we went out for Thai instead.”

Namjoon does not seem to hear what Jimin has said; as they are walking into the station, he harshly jabs Jimin in the ribs.

“Namjoon what – ” Jimin glares at his friend.

Namjoon nods his head in the direction. “Hot girl, alert. Like 10/10.”

Jimin raises an eyebrow. “You’d better not let Youngji catch you saying that…” his sentence trails off when he notices the girl who stands at the receptionist’s desk.

She is immensely pretty. Her light brown hair hangs in waves down her back and her smooth, long legs are accentuated under the black skirt she is sporting. She is also wearing a body-hugging turtleneck that wraps around her athletic body, naturally drawing attention to her flushed curves.

“Damn,” Namjoon whistles lightly under his breath, “Do you think she’s a good cook?” 

This time, Jimin fails and the laughter bursts out. The sudden sound draws both the receptionist and the beautiful woman’s attention towards the two of them.

“Lieutenant!” the receptionist calls over.

The two men shuffle over like shy school boys.

Now that they are standing closer and that they could see her face, they are even more impressed by her natural beauty. Her make up is light and makes her skin appear soft and dewy. Her bright eyes greet theirs and she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, an unconscious seductive gesture in their minds. When they finally reach her, she beams them a smile of perfectly aligned white teeth.

“Howdy,” Namjoon goofily says. He clears his throat once and tries again. “Um, hello. I’m Lieutenant Kim Namjoon.” He extends a hand.

Krystal shakes it.

“Detective Park Jimin,” Jimin introduces himself sequentially.

She takes his hand as well. He notes how warm yet strong her grip is.

“They’ll be able to help you better,” the receptionist smiles.

“Oh?” Jimin tilts his head at the question.

Krystal opens her mouth to explain the reason she is at the station when Namjoon interrupts before she can speak.

“It’s rude to make a lady wait and stand here. Perhaps I’d be able to invite you to his office so the two of you can talk comfortably there?”

“His office? Are you not the Lieutenant?” Krystal asks, slightly confused.

Namjoon laughs. “Yeah I am. But uh… I just remembered that I, um, have some business to take care of for the other… thing. I mean, case. I have to take care of a meeting to see a case.”

Jimin glares at Namjoon.

“You’ll be left in capable hands though. Detective Park is the best in our unit,” Namjoon says. He gives them a quick wave and the wiggle of his brows towards Jimin before leaving the station despite having just returned to it.

Jimin wants to hit Namjoon, but he really could not leave the mysterious stranger standing by herself. He turns to Krystal again.

She is regarding him with a slight grin. “He’s a strange one, isn’t he?” she comments.

“You can’t even begin to imagine,” he returns with a roll of his eyes, “This way.” He leads her towards the elevators up to his floor.

“I’m really sorry to be a bother,” she says while they wait. She waits until he has pressed the button before continuing, “It’s really nothing much. I’m just looking for somebody.”

“If you’re looking for somebody, shouldn’t you be speaking to the MPU?”

“MPU?”

“Sorry, slip of the tongue. Missing Person’s Unit.”

She scrunches her nose. “He’s not missing… He’s somewhere here. The last time we spoke he told me he had been called in here, so I thought to try my luck. Perhaps you’ve seen him?”

Her words are confusing to Jimin. They don’t make sense.

The lights above head start to slowly flash as the elevator comes down to meet them. 

“I’m sorry, this is probably really bizarre right now; I haven’t even introduced myself formally. I’m Krystal,” she extends her hand again. It awkwardly hangs there for a quick second before she retracts it a second time, remembering that they had already exchanged handshakes.

Jimin gives her a warm smile. She was nervous, for some strange reason. “Not to worry, Krystal. Do you have a name?”

“Jeon Jungkook,” she says.

“No, he isn’t,” Jimin mumbles. “At least for now,” he keeps that part to himself. He turns back to Krystal. “I saw him. He came in to do an interview for me.”

He is not fast enough to conceal his disgust at the mention of the man’s name.

Krystal catches the brief microexpression, however. “Please don’t tell me that he’s in trouble.”

“Oh! So you did see him! Would you be able to tell me where he is staying currently? I tried to call him earlier but he was busy…”

“I could. But first you are his…”

“Girlfriend.”

Ah. So this was the woman Jungkook had mentioned. Again, he is relives the bitter taste in his mouth from when Jungkook had told him that he had been out with another woman. Jimin tightens his fist when a thought crosses his mind.

“Girlfriend, you say?” he repeats. Perhaps he could kill two birds with one stone.

She nods, animatedly. Krystal is excited that she had been able to bump into the handsome detective. He seemed to know about Jungkook’s whereabouts in this foreign city.

“He’s staying with a friend of mine. I could give you her address, if you’d like,” Jimin tells her.

She takes his bait. “Her…?” she repeats silently to herself.

“Is something the matter?” Jimin asks.

Krystal looks back up at him with a smile. “Nothing!” she says, “I’d appreciate that a lot, Detective Tuan.”

Jimin nods. He writes out your address on a piece of paper and hands it to her. “I hope you find him,” he encourages her.

The elevator doors before them open and wait for its passengers.

“Mhmm,” Krystal says. The initial excitement her voice held is audibly dampened. She thanks him and walks away.

Jimin enters the elevator alone. There is a knowing smile on his face. Perhaps this lady would finally be able to get Jungkook out of your life once and for all.

…...............

We all have that thing, don’t we? That one thing we know we should not do, yet we succumb into its temptation each and every time because it’s so good. Despite it destroying our body, the thought of not being able to yield torments the passing thoughts in our mind and coaxes us to believe that it is okay.

Let us listen to it this one last time. Just this one last time and we promise ourselves that we will never do it again. Just this one last time and we will then walk away. That is the argument we have and boy.

We’ve lost.

The feeling of absolute bliss washes over your body as you stand in the shower, allowing the hot water to run across every inch of skin. It feels like a large warm hand that massages your shoulders, calves, back – each muscle on your body. You are aware that the temperature is too high but it feels too good for you to turn it down.

After avoiding the studio for so long, you had finally brought yourself around to go back to it. Min had been ecstatic when you walked in. You had not seen each other in a little over two weeks and with you not responding to any of her nor mutual friends’ calls, she had thought something had happened to you.

Min is your best friend. There is no doubt about it. The two of you shared everything so Min had been slightly disappointed when you failed to tell her why you had suddenly disappeared.

You had taken out the large canvas from your bag instead after the initial hug ended. You rolled out the painting and asked Min for her opinion.

“It’s a little… sporadic,” was all Min could say.

“Sporadic… that’s one way to put it,” you grimaced, “I don’t like it. But it’s nearly complete, and I don’t have time to make a new one.”

“Are you making it for a client?”

“No.”

Min was seen biting the inside of her cheek with all of your mysteries. You had felt bad so you told her, “Remember that guy I told you about? It’s for him.”

Her eyes seemed to light up now that you were speaking again. “Oh yeah! Jungkook! You had been working on it for quite a while, right?”

You nodded.

“Well, how about I go out and get us our favourite donuts from the bakery? I know good food always helps me get over artist’s block!” Min had offered. Before you could tell her otherwise, you were looking at the back of your petite friend rushing out the door into the autumn wind.

With not much of a choice, you had settled down at your usual corner. The studio was quiet. There were a few people here and there, but they were mainly minding their own business. They gave you a small smile as you walked around collecting your usual art utensils.

Once you were sitting in front of the painting again, staring at the blacks, navy, bruise-like purples, you started falling into darker thoughts - the same thoughts that are infesting you now that you are alone in the shower again.

You grab the shampoo and start lathering it into your hair.

Baekhyun… How many years has it been since that happened? Why was it that he continued to torment you like this despite the fact that he was gone? The most difficult moment had been the few weeks right after the incident. Every little thing you did, you were reminded of him. You couldn’t even go out without breaking down into tears; going out meant walking on the path to the studio that you had done so many times with him.

It had taken time, but slowly you thought your wounds had or were at least beginning to close. Yet, Jimin had opened them when you discovered he was still searching for Baekhyun. It wasn’t entirely Jimin’s fault. He was only doing what he thought was right. Still, he shouldn’t have hid it from you.

You blamed that for your moment of weakness. Seeing yourself physically wounded made you think of the wound that had been reopened in your heart. It made you think of the safe haven you used to have with the man you loved. They had been so close to saying their vows – till death do us apart – that was only supposed to be the case when they both grew old. It wasn’t supposed to be their truth so early on.

Baekhyun, am I allowed to fall in love again?

Turning the water off, you step out of the shower. The blast of cold air that hits you makes you tremble, and it is like a clear ring of water in your muddled pool of thoughts.

You shake your head, causing droplets of soapy water to fly everywhere.

You are not in love with Jungkook. There is absolutely no way that can be true. You are grateful to him for being there when you needed – and that is quite often lately. However, you could not find another reason for your speeding heart and dizziness you felt whenever he came home. Could he really be the one to blame for all the moments of breathlessness and chest aches?

Is it okay for me to have new feelings after losing you?

The mirror has been fogged up and you wipe away the condensation with a hand. Peering back at you is a tired girl with long, dark hair that is plastered to your cheeks. Your skin is flushed pink because of the heat and pressure of water. Your lips are flattened and slightly downturned. Your eyebrows are unkempt, and a pimple pushes it way at the side of your nose and all along your T-zone. Fingernails are too long because you have forgotten to cut them; still with chipped pink polish coating the pinky.

You let out a low chuckle. Who would love someone as broken as you? Your eyes dart to a pair of tweezers that sit on the shelf. You pick it up and observe how sharp the edge of the metal object is. You press your fingertip on it until they dig in and you feel the familiar lullaby sting of pain run from that sensitive area down your spine.

You didn’t need to actually draw blood to feel it. Your body is already messed up enough that this is where you momentarily pause.

The one person who had always been there as your supporting foundation is long gone. You had not found the strength to admit it, but you had been flailing in quicksand for a while now.

What’s a house without its foundation? It can only sink until it becomes no more.

You press harder, sending another chilling flash over your body. Your breath quickens and you feel that your lips are dry, although you have only stepped out of the shower.

Is this what others have felt? The addiction that comes the moment you start.  

You close your eyes, forcing your body to continue when the sound of a door being slammed shut scares you.

The tweezers fall to the floor.

…................

Shit.

Jungkook thinks as he takes off his shoes. There are still dark brown spots on it despite him intensively scrubbing them for five minutes straight in the car with a cloth. He contemplates on throwing his jacket on the ground, but seeing the state of shoes, he needs to be careful. Bending down, he picks them up and decides then that he must burn them.

He is so engrossed in his thoughts he doesn’t notice that he is not the only one home.

Looking around the floor, he finds the closest source of water and strides to it. He lets the water from the kitchen tap run until steam rises from it in which he then proceeds to take off his clothing. He throws in both the jacket and his stained white shirt. He then presses them down until the scalding water hits his own skin.

He hated acting out like this without a plan. He hated it with such a passion, but he hated even more the reason he went out and did it. His kills were always methodically thought out and never without reason. That homeless man in the alleyway shouldn’t have said anything when Jungkook walked by. He should have stayed mute, crammed in that dark corner, and harassed the next person that walked by. Not him. No. That decision only resulted in him lying lifeless in his own bloodied mound of dirt.

How could he have let somebody into his car? How was it even possible that he had allowed someone to monitor him to this extent? To have somebody take this much control of his life.

Each stab, a way to release the frustration he felt to his unknown attacker.

He is reminded of the knife at that moment. He should dispose of that as well. It was likely not possible that they would be able to trace the kill back to him – many people died out in the streets each night – but he needed to be careful, nonetheless.

He drains the water and watches the red-brown liquid swirl down the drain. Lifting his white shirt, he sees that the stain is still there. With a clenched jaw, he throws the heavy cloth against the wall, creating a loud smack.

The kill should have calmed him down. He should be feeling much better, but he doesn’t. Instead, he feels worse than before because now he has lost a perfectly good shirt and a jacket along with his pride.

With one hand braced against the counter of the kitchen, he takes out the bloodied knife from his pocket. He fumbles to flip it open but cannot due to the temporary paralysis on his fingers from drowning them in the hot water. Bracing the bulk of the item against his side, he forcefully digs into it with his fingertips. It slips and nicks his bare skin on the side.

…...............

You had had to sit down on the floor after your scare from Jungkook slamming the door shut. The unused tweezers had lain beside you for a while before you could pick it back up and return it to its spot. You busied yourself with getting dressed and going out to greet him.

As you throw the long-sleeved t-shirt over your head, you let out a bitter laugh. You were too weak to even do something like inflict pain on yourself. Jungkook’s perfect timing of returning home had stopped you.

You are twisting your damp hair into a bun when you hear a loud yell from the kitchen area.

“Fuck,” Jungkook snarls. It is deeper than it should have been. He had been aware how much force he had been trying to use to snap the knife out. The self-inflicted wound above his hip continues to ooze, mocking him red in his anger.

“Jungkook?!” You run towards him. You turn the corner and see him shirtless in the middle of the kitchen, one hand holding his side with a reddish liquid running between his fingers. “Oh my god! What happened?”

He feels the drape of your wet hair against his chest before anything. You are immediately by his side, putting your hand over his to place pressure on the wound. Not bothering to ask why he is standing without a shirt, you look up at him concerned.

“My hands slipped while I was trying to take out the knife,” he explains to you.

Again without questions, you lead him to the couch and order him to sit down. He obeys and you leave momentarily to get the first aid kit. When you return, you start to dress his wound. Everything is starting to resolve until Jungkook suddenly chuckles, wincing when it causes his wound to slightly tear.

“Jeon Jungkook!” You reprimand.

He grips the couch while you pour medical alcohol over it. “How ironic,” he says, voice laced with fatigue.

You had thought your heart had fallen out of your chest when you found him bleeding. All the worst possible scenarios had suddenly flown across your mind, and you thought that you were going to watch him die before you.

Not again, your heart has screamed before you could stop it.

Even now, as you were faced before the relatively small but deep wound, you could not stop the racing sensation you felt both mentally and physically.

“What are you talking about?” you say.

He hears the tremble in your voice. How strange.

Lilacs. That is what he is smelling from your shampoo.

“I’m usually the one to patch you up when you’re hurt. Now it’s the other way around,” he sighs.

“You haven’t even begun to explain what you were doing, trying to take out a knife while standing shirtless in our kitchen.”

“Our…” he laughs again.

You had fully been meaning to smack him for making it harder for you to clean the wound until it registers in your mind what he had said. What you let slip.

“You said ‘our kitchen’. I thought I was only a tenant here,” he says.

“Well you’ve… I mean… Y-You are…”  you stutter.

Jungkook rests his head back, feeling an extreme form of tiredness on his body. Everything that had happened that day comes crashing down, knocking his breath out completely. It is as if somebody had thrown consecutive punches and he is now feeling its after effects. His stalker, the random kill, this self-inflicted wound.

You mumble something.

“What was that?” He is knocked out of his thoughts. He looks down at the top of your head. The wound has been covered but your fingers linger on his body, and he feels their coldness on his heated skin.

You mumble again.

He is tired, but you have been kind enough to help him with any questions. He can at least humour this by being patient towards you.

You don’t know what has come over you. You hadn’t meant to say it, but Jungkook’s words had flustered you. You let a single word slip out and it had acted like a key to unlock the next ones that tumble out.

“I like…” you whisper, your voice still buried beneath the veil your hair creates. You don’t even know if you truly mean what you are about to say.

You feel his fingers slip beneath your chin and tilt your head up to him. He stares at you with an unwavering type of patience and attention.

“It won’t help if you keep whispering what it is you want me to hear to my chest. Talk to me like this,” he says slowly, holding your eyes with his. There is an intense fire blazing when you meet them.

Your palms prick as they start to sweat. You gulp and wet your lips.

“I like you!” you blurt, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks immediately after, “I know it doesn’t make sense but – ”

He silences you with his lips.

...................

𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 (open): @yoonchrisgull

[eri-blogs-life]

This post is about my playthrough of Persona 4 Golden

So first, some background info. I’ve been a fan of rpgs and in particular jrpgs for most of my life. I played Persona 5 in like 2018-2019 and instantly fell in love. I kept watch closely on when P5R would come out and picked it up at launch [missed my chance to get the special edition version tho :( ].

I tried going back to play Persona 4 a couple times, the first time buying a used PSP cause P4G hadn’t yet come out on PC. I’ve tried playing Persona 4 a couple times before, but never made it more than about halfway through. But this time I decided to really sit myself down and play through the whole thing, and actually accomplished it.

I played Persona 4 Golden, and for context during this playthrough I did not complete the requirements to get the “True Ending,” as people call it, so this write-up is based only on my own playthrough and my own basis of knowledge. (And generally I do not avoid spoilers when I do these write-ups, if that matters)

So, gonna start with the story and the characters, then talk mechanics. Overall, I really liked the game. The story is interesting, the characters are mostly pretty good, and the game’s got fun mechanics, a nice aesthetic, and a killer soundtrack.

In terms of story, Persona 4 generally takes place with a group of teenagers in a small town solving a supernatural mystery. They discover that there exists a parallel world to the real world, accessible by going into a TV screen. With them being some of the only people able to access that world, and that world being related to the mysterious deaths in town, they have to solve the mystery themselves.

The parallel world is eventually revealed to be a world created of human thought, which I believe is a common theme through the Persona games. After all, the Persona series draws a lot from Carl Jung’s theories on there being a kind of collective human psychology.

Along the way, the party saves a handful of people who were put into that world, many of whom become new party members when they face their shadow - their unconscious self - and become a fully realized person and thus gain the magical power of persona.

So, putting that together the game kind of has a whole big theme about how people can get lost into the TV, can come to be bought in to what they see on TV and not think critically about it. The argument seems to be mainly that the party is searching for the Truth, but the main antagonist seems to believe that humanity wants to fog over their minds and just meld into mindlessly consuming media and being entertained.

(the irony that i was usually watching some kind of TV or youtube video while playing is not lost on me)

So I think one of the most interesting bits of Persona 4 is how it deals with queerness. Like, I feel like I remember hearing generally very positive things about this game, in terms of things like representation of queer identities. And it’s interesting how it... kind of does that, but then also throws itself flat on its face sometimes.

Like, one of the first party members you get is Kanji. And Kanji’s shadow seems to explicitly be gay, which makes everyone believe that the part of himself that Kanji’s hiding is him being gay. But then the game kind of walks it back toward the end of his part of the main story by having him talk about how he “was just afraid of being rejected - by anyone” because he had non-masculine hobbies like sewing. And later on he definitely expresses interest in women and awkwardness around men in a way that maybe makes it reasonable to read Kanji as bi, and that’s awesome!

And Naoto, one of the later party members, seems pretty clearly to be a trans man. He’s initially presented as a man, he presents himself as a man. During his section of the main story it’s revealed that he’s “actually a woman, but grew up being a big fan of detective novels and knew women don’t get respect in the police department, so had to pretend to be a man.” And again, it’s like... Yeah, that’s... I mean, read at face value, including the way the game switches to exclusively using she/her pronouns at that point, then she’s just a confused young girl. But he is pretty explicit about saying that he literally wishes he was born a man, and like... That’s Trans, babey! It’s handled in that specific dumb way that japanese media handles genderqueer characters sometimes, by essentializing them into their sex and just expressing that there’s some outside factors that mean they have to present otherwise, but Naoto’s fairly explicit about not wanting to be seen as a woman. It’s... I don’t know how to feel about it. Obviously, the game is like 10 years old or so, and if the same game were made today, would they treat his story different? Who knows

Also Kanji clearly has a crush on Naoto and it’s cute AF

But then like... the game can’t resist playing into homophobia, transphobia, and fatphobia for jokes. There’s so many moments played as jokes where, like, Yosuke freaks out cause you choose a dialogue option saying you wish you’d gotten valentine’s chocolate from Kanji or whatever. And all the fatphobic comedy at the expense of one of the recurring NPC students is just disgusting, and it really sours the experience for me in a lot of ways.

But of course the character’s stories aren’t just about their part in the main story, the modern Persona games also have a social aspect, where you can spend time interacting with your friends and building relationships, which can ultimately influence your abilities in the world inside the TV.

I maxed out... 8 social links, I think? I ended up completing the personal social link side stories of Chie, Yukiko, Ai, Yumi, Daisuke, Nanako, Dojima, and Sayoko.

And so there’s also a consideration with regards to the past section of this write-up where like... if I had completed Kanji or Naoto’s social links, would my opinion of them be different? I look forward to exploring that in my next playthrough (though that won’t be for awhile).

Now in terms of the social links, I feel like this is one of the parts where going back to Persona 4 from Persona 5 feels really really weak. Like, in P5 you get really cool and unique abilities from increasing your social links, allowing you all kinds of new moves to use in dungeons or in battle, or out in the real world.

In Persona 4, if you’re doing a social link with a party member they unlock new abilities (though everyone has mostly the same abilities they unlock, like being able to clear status effects on allies in battle), and if you’re doing a social link with someone else, you get nothing. Well, you get an EXP bonus when you make personas of that character’s type. Which feels really weak and underwhelming compared to P5. The unique abilities you get in P5′s social links helps make it really feel like the relationships you’re building during the course of your journey are actually impacting you and helping change who you are as a person.

But of course the relationships between the player character and NPCs aren’t the only important relationships in the game. And one relationship in particular brings out some really uhhhh... weird feelings in me. Not good ones.

So Teddie is a character who is a big teddy bear, who helps the party and is eventually revealed to be a Shadow that took on a form that would allow him to better bond with humans. (Though he’s since forgotten that by the start of the game.) Eventually, he gets a human body, which by all appearances is similar to the other main party members, being presumably about a teenager.

He has a very sexual side to him, often being a “comic relief” pervert type character. Which is often played for laughs and is... fine. It’s overdone sometimes in my opinion, but it’s fine. However...

It’s never explicit but it’s kinda definitely implied he has, like, a romantic attraction to the player character’s young cousin Nanako. And coupling that with his very sexual nature and the seeming age gap, it just leaves a very very bitter taste in my mouth. Like, yeah Teddie might actually be closer in terms of how long he’s been around to a kid like Nanako, but he’s definitely put more generally on the same developmental level as the other late-teens party members. It’s just kinda a little creepy and not okay

All that aside, moving back to the main story... There’s definitely something interesting to be said about the concept of the world of human thought. The collective unconscious being represented as a phsyical thing that can be directly impacted by people - and can directly impact people - makes for the Peronsa series being able to set up some really interesting questions and answers about the nature of the world and society as a whole.

In P4, the world of human thought is accessible by going through a tv screen. That world in a way is a representation of the way that access to mass media impacts people, and the way people impact mass media. I don’t really know that I have it in me to provide a real thoughtful writeup on my thoughts about that, but like.. I like it. And I think it’s interesting how the villain being able to impact the TV world can potentially be a way of them affecting the real world by affecting the way people on the outside see things, so it’s a sort of manufactured consent or something. Again, my brain’s not working overtime on that thought right now, but there’s something there for sure. Maybe I’ll make a separate post about that sometime.

Speaking of the villain...

So going into the game I already had an idea of who the villain was going to be, which I’d picked up through memes and things online. And then I was fooled!

Late into the game, you chase down a false lead and it really felt like things were gearing up for a finale, so I thought the internet had tricked me into thinking the wrong character was the big bad. It was very funny for me to have realized that.

And then of course the real villain gets revealed. And then of course the real REAL villain gets revealed. And honestly? The “villain we’ve never seen before is actually the one behind the villain we’ve been chasing the whole game” thing felt deserved here. Adachi may be the one who committed the murders we’ve been trying to solve the whole game, but the one behind Adachi is one who has a great deal of control over the world within the TV. And the mystery of what exactly the world within the TV is has felt like one that’s been a secondary mystery the whole time. So I really liked the way the “real villain reveals himself after you beat the guy you’ve been chasing after this whole time” trope was executed here. It felt earned.

So, what about game mechanics?

The game’s a lot of classic JRPG goodness. But the Persona games don’t fall into the trap that a lot of JRPGs do, where fights feel like kind of a slog as you whittle down the monster’s HP and try to keep your party’s HP topped off. Instead, Persona’s combat feels a lot more like a puzzle, where if you can figure out an opponent’s weakness you’re rewarded by finishing the fight. If you can’t figure out the enemy’s specific weakness, it’ll usually only take you a few rounds to whittle down their HP anyway, so no battle ever sticks around too long.

Except for boss fights, which is really where I feel like this game fails. Persona 5 I think does a little better at this, by giving bosses different phases which have weaknesses you have to figure out to progress, but in Persona 4 a lot of the bosses just feel like damage sponges where you have to whittle down their HP while keeping your own party members from falling too low on HP, and it gets kinda boring. But you can’t really zone out and play the boss fights absentmindedly either, because then you end up getting hit by some big attack you were meant to have guarded against and have to do the whole fight over again. It’s very annoying.

So, now I guess we get to the section where I give a bunch of random miscellaneous thoughts that didn’t feel like they fit in anywhere else, and then I do a wrap-up section after that. So, miscellaneous thoughts:

- This game takes place in 2011-2012, and the MC and their classmates are 2nd year in high school, the equivalent of 11th grade here in the states. I was in 12th grade in 2011-2012. It’s wild having the feeling that like... I am the same age as these characters. Like it feels like I should’ve played this game originally when I was in high school, and this should’ve been me coming back to the game that was really formative to me in high school 10 years later.

- So I had the thought, with how much of Persona 4 is based on this idea of seeking the Truth, and finding yourself in a world where it’s hard to find yourself, and the topics of queerness explored through some characters... If I actually did have this game back when I was in high school, how different would I be now? Would I have realized I was trans when I was in high school? Or would I have not even thought too hard about it as a story and just appreciated it as a “turn-off-your-mind-and-just-experience-it” as I did with so many games back then. Like I picked up on some themes of other games I played at the time, and Tales of Symphonia definitely still holds a lot of sway over my decision-making 10+ years later, so would Persona have had that kind of impact on me as well? Obviously, we can never know cause that world isn’t the one we live in. I can only accept the me as I am now. But speculating about it still gives a weird feeling in my gut

- There’s this really cool effect when you fast-forward through lines of text where it looks like a VHS fast-forwarding, which really helps bring together the whole theme of the TV world and whatnot. It’s such a cool aesthetic choice. I don’t have anything more to say about it, I just think it’s neat

So, this is a long as heck post. But lemme wrap it up, then give some random extra screencaps afterwards.

I really liked my time with Persona 4 Golden. It’s a good game, overall. It’s got some flaws that are really, really hard to deal with at times (got some big scores on the Weeb Ass Shit meter). But overall it’s entertaining and thought-provoking in a really good way.

But if you wanna play a Persona game, play 5 first please. It’s so much better.

.

.

.

And now for the post-writeup random extra bits/screenshots!

An interesting thought from our main villain. Of course, that’s not exactly the right way to view mass media. That’s why he’s the villain I guess.

Rise here with a fucking mood and a half. I do love Rise’s story, and her version of self-actualization.

I absolutely am going to continue to dote on Nanako forever, I love Nanako Dojima so much she’s my favorite little sister in video games and I will protect her as long as I possibly can.

God DAMNIT why is it that I always date the woman who goes on to be a cop in every Persona game. I did it with Makoto in P5 during my first playthrough as well.

We are all controlled by something greater...

MEMES!

[sunlit-squid]

I don't care about everyone else! i care about you, SQUIDWARD! (simping softness asks)

For those who don’t know, my ask box is open. Send me a simping softness prompt, and I’ll write a short sbsp ficlet for you. ✰

so, uh -- i might have gotten a bit carried away with this prompt. it’s definitely longer than a ficlet, but oh well. either way, it was a lot of fun to write! selfish spongebob is so rarely explored.

fic under the cut. also, just in case, cw: drinking, drunkenness, etc.

Spongebob rose bright and early, long before his foghorn alarm went off at 7:00 a.m. With a cheerful shout, the poriferan jumped out of bed, earning a disgruntled “mrow” from Gary, who was still asleep nearby. Stretching vigorously, the sponge leaned down, planting a soft kiss atop the snail’s shell.

“Gary,” he whispered, practically vibrating with excitement. “Today’s the day!”

Turning away, Gary simply replied “mrow”, in a disdainful way that most certainly meant “whatever.”

Undeterred, Spongebob ran to his calendar. Sure enough, the day’s date -- July 14th -- was circled in bright-red, permanent marker, with the words “My birthday!” written neatly across it. And just below those words, was a tiny drawing of Squidward’s face, with dozens of little red hearts surrounding it.

Making his way over to the window, Spongebob gazed out at Squidward’s moai in the distance. He sighed, dreamily. What was Squidward doing right now? Probably sleeping, in that adorable dress of his.

The sponge lingered there, staring dazedly out at the moai, for perhaps a moment too long. Then, remembering himself, he sprinted to the bathroom. Once inside, Spongebob pointed a finger at his own reflection in the mirror.

“Enough beating around the bush, Mr. Squarepants!” he yelled -- much to Gary’s annoyance. The sponge lowered his voice down to a soft whisper. “Today, you tell him how you feel.”

His reflection simply shrugged. “I mean, okay,” it said. “But this is like, the 57th time you’ve said this.”

“Oh, shush.”

-0-

The party was supposed to start at 6:30, but Spongebob, in a manic cleaning fit, had the entire house ready by noon. This year, the party was themed around As The Tide Turns, a very polarizing-but-popular soap opera, especially in Bikini Bottom. If you were a Bikini Bottomite, you either watched the show genuinely, or ironically -- there was absolutely no in-between.

Spongebob and Squidward both genuinely enjoyed the show. It was one of the first things they bonded over, back when Spongebob started working at the Krusty Krab. Through the window to the galley, the two coworkers would talk for hours about the show, and whatever drama was center-stage for that season.

It got to a point where Mr. Krabs -- who only watched ATTT ironically -- got on them both, for shirking their duties.

“If yer gonna flirt,” he’d said, “do it on yer own time.”

So, Spongebob started coming over to Squidward’s house on Friday nights, when the new episodes would air. In fact, even when the show was between seasons, Spongebob still came over, just to watch reruns. It was one of the few times Squidward would (begrudgingly) let Spongebob inside, with no complaints.

Spongebob hummed softly to himself, his eyes scanning the small clipboard in front of him. Food, decorations, party games … Check, check, and check. Everything was present and accounted for -- and he had to admit, the house looked spectacular.

Every room was themed around a different, iconic arc in the ATTT series. His living room, filled with chalk drawings, crime scene tape, and red-string boards, was inspired by the murder mystery arc. His kitchen, decorated with leftover Halloween gear, was inspired by the vampire arc … and so on and so forth. Each and every room had its own particular, careful design -- and in all, it was probably Spongebob’s most intricate and detailed party to date.

That was because it had to be. Spongebob had a plan, a carefully detailed plan -- one that was sure to sweep Squidward Tentacles right off his … er, tentacles. And it went like this:

Squidward and Spongebob’s favorite arc, in all 42 seasons of As The Tide Turns, was the murder mystery. In the arc, the dashing Detective Heartthrob, accompanied by his sidekick-slash-lover Joey, must bring a heinous mass murderer to justice. At the climax, it is revealed that Detective Heartthrob is the true killer -- having been hypnotized by a witch, who was also his evil twin sister, for some reason. In the end, Joey must kill Detective Heartthrob, in a tragic display of love and sacrifice.

The season was thrilling, silly, and emotionally traumatizing, to boot. For months after the finale, Squidward and Spongebob would not shut up about it -- much to the annoyance of Mr. Krabs.

Either way, Spongebob had set up an elaborate, original mystery game, inspired by the events of the show. Each attendee would get a “random” card, assigning them a different role in the story. Squidward would be Detective Heartthrob, and Spongebob would be Joey.

Together, they would embark on an original mystery, one that Spongebob had devised all by himself. After he and Squidward solved the mystery together, and the party was over … Spongebob would finally, finally confess his feelings.

Of course, Spongebob had, more or less, rigged the game to ensure this would happen. Which was cheating, sure, but this was for love! So it couldn't possibly go wrong.

-0-

It went wrong. Almost immediately, in fact.

For one, the party started at 6:30 -- and, nearly two hours later, Squidward had yet to show up. Spongebob spent those first two hours lingering by the door, staring out the window towards the moai, and forgetting to refill the punch bowl. Sandy, ever the observant one, noticed immediately.

Pulling Spongebob aside, she asked, in a hushed voice, “Hey, partner. You good?”

“Oh, I’m -- I’m great!” chirped Spongebob, putting on his worst, most unconvincing smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Uh-huh,” said Sandy, flatly. “This about Squidward?”

Spongebob blushed, immediately. The squirrel sighed.

“I thought so,” she mumbled, folding her arms across her chest. “Did he say he was gonna come?”

The sponge nodded. “He said, ‘I’ll see if I can make it work’, which in Squidward-speak, is practically a yes!” groaned Spongebob, staring up at Sandy with his huge baby blue eyes. “He’ll come, right, Sandy?”

Sandy hesitated. She didn’t really know Squidward that well … but he did seem to have a soft spot for Spongebob. Awkwardly, she replied, “I mean … I can’t say for sure, but he did say he would try. Let’s be patient, okay, Spongebob? Maybe he just got caught up with something.”

Spongebob sighed, then repositioned his face into its usual chipper smile. “Alrighty. You do usually know what’s best, Sandy.”

“I sure do,” she giggled. “Oh, and Spongebob?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t cut his cable this time,” she said, before walking off to get more punch.

-0-

By 9:30, the party started to go a bit haywire. At this point, practically all of Bikini Bottom was at Spongebob’s house, except for Squidward -- and Larry thought it would be a great idea to play Truth Or Dare: Extreme Edition. The rules were pretty much the same as Truth Or Dare: Standard Edition, but with one exception: each subsequent truth or dare had to be more extreme than the last.

It started off alright. A few people were dared to take off their pants, or do a somersault down Conch Street while blindfolded. However, as the game progressed, the stakes grew astronomically. At one point, Patrick was dared to eat half of Spongebob’s pineapple. Later, Sandy was dared to juggle three of Plankton’s bombs, while riding a unicycle. Even later, Larry and Mr. Krabs were dared to switch shells and wrestle -- which wasn’t really destructive. Just disturbing.

The dares were stupid, but if there was one thing Bikini Bottomites had, it was a complete lack of common sense. Or any sense, really.

It certainly didn’t help that as the night progressed, the partygoers grew more and more … inebriated. The punch itself was non-alcoholic, but apparently, Karen and Plankton had taken it upon themselves to bring their own alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

By 10:30, Squidward still hadn’t shown up yet. Several people had either passed out or thrown up. And the pineapple was a complete disaster.

Spongebob sighed. He was seated on his living room sofa now, watching as the partygoers reveled inside (and outside) his home. Of course, the sponge was happy they were enjoying themselves -- but this day was supposed to be about him, and … well, nothing had gone as planned. His entire house was destroyed, it would take days to clean up the mess -- and Squidward hadn’t even bothered to show up! The nerve.

“Hey Patrick,” muttered Spongebob, waving a tired yellow hand at his drunken best friend.

Immediately, the starfish stumbled over to him, drink in hand. “Wha… haha … whasss’ up, Spunchblarb?” he slurred.

Spongebob pointed to the drink in Patrick’s hand. “Could I have that?”

Patrick grinned widely. “Yeeeeeahh! Now -- now, yer talkin’, buddy!” And with that, the starfish handed Spongebob his first drink of the night.

-0-

About three drinks in, Spongebob Squarepants was well and truly intoxicated. Which was nice, in a way. Now, the world was a weird, misty haze, and he didn’t have to worry about his pineapple being destroyed, or his party being ruined, or Squidward, or whatever. Now, he could just be peacefully drunk and stupid, just like everybody else in his house. Blissfully unaware of the world around them.

As the night went on, Spongebob began losing track of time. What time was it? Midnight? 3:00 a.m.? Did it even matter?

Over the course of one very stupid evening, Spongebob made more than a few bad decisions. For one, he bought like, ten mops online. Which was both counterproductive (he was a sponge) and financially irresponsible (he was also a frycook). Later, the sponge swam to the surface of the ocean to see how long he could breathe without water. He fainted within the first ten seconds, and had to be retrieved by Larry. After that, the night became a dizzying blur. Spongebob was certain he had been driving, at one point, and also dancing, and maybe singing?

Either way, several hours later, Spongebob was still dancing in his living room, a lampshade stuck on his head, when he felt something on his shoulder. Turning woozily, the sponge tried to get into “kara-tay” position, and ultimately failed.

“Who -- what -- stay back! I’m warning you!” shouted the sponge. “I know … er, kar .. karat … carrots?”

There was a familiar sigh, then a soft chuckle. “Oh, you moron,” came a voice, a voice that Spongebob loved so dearly, even in this drunken state. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Squ … squib … ?”

“Yeah,” said Squidward, wrenching the lampshade off of Spongebob’s head. “It’s me. Sorry I’m late.”

Spongebob looked up at Squidward -- and in his inebriated, hazy stupor, he couldn’t take it. He loved him so much, and for so long. It hurt. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “Squi -- Squidward, you -- you came,” the sponge stammered, his bottom lip quivering. “I -- I didn’t think …”

“Hush,” said Squidward, looking around the room. “This is, uh … wow, you really had a rager, huh? I didn’t think you had it in you, Spongebob.”

Stepping away, Squidward began picking up random items off the floor -- the punch bowl, some photographs, and a spilled carton of milk. The octopus had to step over and around several bodies, which were lying passed out on Spongebob’s floor.

“Listen, I’m gonna try and find a way to get everyone home,” said Squidward, sifting his way through the pile of garbage and bodies. “Everyone else is knocked out -- ”

Spongebob had had it. He’d had enough. He’d planned out this whole day perfectly, just for Squidward to not show up, for his whole house to be demolished in the chaos. Sure, he was glad everyone had a good time, but deep down, Spongebob was a little selfish, and deep down --

“I don’t care about everyone else!” shouted Spongebob, clenching his fists at his sides. “I care about you, Squidward!”

Squidward, startled, nearly dropped everything he was holding -- and before he could properly respond, Spongebob fell over, unconscious.

-0-

For once, Spongebob didn’t wake up to the sound of his foghorn. Instead, he woke up to the sound of the television nearby. Very soft dialogue wafted its way over to the sponge, bathing him in its pleasant familiarity.

“Why, Joey, I think you’re right -- the killer is closer than we seem to think!”

“Then we best get cracking, Detective Heartthrob!”

Groaning, Spongebob sat up -- a dull, throbbing pain coursing through his skull. Dear Neptune. What happened last night? There was the party, the drinking, and … Squidward, maybe? Spongebob felt his heart drop at the thought of his neighbor, and sighed. He hadn’t gotten to tell Squidward how he felt. Attempt 57 had failed. Miserably.

Blinking slowly, the sponge looked around, and with surprise noted that his bedroom was not a mess, like it had been during the party. In fact, it was squeaky clean. The only thing out of place was the living room television, which had been moved to the end of Spongebob’s bed. The TV was playing an old rerun of As The Tide Turns, from the murder mystery arc. A smile tugged at Spongebob’s lips. How ironic.

Wait a minute. Who moved the TV?

Just then, there were footsteps on the stairs -- the tell-tale pat-pat-pat-pat of someone with four legs. Squidward. He was still here! Steeling himself, Spongebob sat at attention, gripping the blankets tightly.

When Squidward entered, he was holding a tray of food and wearing a long pink apron. When he saw that Spongebob was now conscious, the octopus jumped, nearly dropped the food, then steadied himself just in time.

“Squidward!” said Spongebob, cheerily. “You’re here!”

“Of course I’m here, you nitwit,” muttered Squidward. “Who else was gonna clean up that messy party of yours?”

Squidward crossed the room to place the food tray on Spongebob’s nightstand. Once there, the octopus shoved a glass of water and two pills into the poriferan’s hands, with one simple command: “Drink.”

Spongebob did so, gratefully. Then, he asked, “The party … what all happened?”

“I don’t know, but it was a mess,” sighed Squidward. “I’m pretty sure half the town was completely passed out by the time I got here. I’m surprised the cops didn’t get involved.”

“Oh,” said Spongebob, feeling very guilty all of a sudden. “Did -- did everyone get home okay?”

“Yeah,” said Squidward. “Listen, don’t -- don’t worry about it, okay? I took care of everything. Your house is clean, Gary is fed, everyone got home. That’s all.” Squidward’s cheeks were stained red.

Spongebob smiled, his heart jumping happily in his chest. “Thank you, Squidward.”

After a moment of silence, Squidward brought the food tray up to Spongebob’s lap. “You should … you should eat that,” he muttered, then took a deep breath. “Look, I … I’m sorry I was so late, alright? The truth is, I … I got caught up.”

With a mouthful of food, Spongebob asked, “Wif whaf?”

Squidward grimaced. “You’re disgusting,” he snapped, then looked away, blushing brightly. “Anyway, I … was trying to get ahold of your birthday present. It was supposed to be delivered here, to Conch Street, yesterday -- but I guess there was a mix-up, and it was instead delivered to Conch Road, which is … in an entirely different town. Several hours away.”

Spongebob blinked. “You drove all the way to get it?”

Squidward scowled. “Whatever,” he snapped, pulling a small red present box from beneath Spongebob’s bed. “Either way, it’s here. So, I guess … open it, maybe.”

Shoveling down the rest of his food (much to Squidward’s disgust), the sponge quickly shredded the pristine red wrapping paper to reveal -- a boxed set of the entire As The Tide Turns series. The extended edition, with all the bonus scenes and commentary tracks. And to top it all off -- the box was signed by the stars of the show.

Spongebob looked up at Squidward, eyes shimmering with shock and awe. “Squidward, this is -- this is amazing, I thought they didn’t sell these anymore!”

“Oh, trust me,” said Squidward, shuddering. “You have no idea what I had to do to get my hands on that.”

“Let me guess,” said Spongebob, holding up two yellow hands to form finger-guns. In his best Joey impression, the sponge said, “You had to kill a lotta folks, didn’t ya, Detective Heartthrob?”

Squidward chuckled immediately. In one suave motion, he leaned against Spongebob’s bed, and pointed a finger-gun of his own. In his best Detective Heartthrob impression, the octopus replied, “I did, and I don’t regret it at all, Joey!”

The two laughed for a good long while. Then, suddenly embarrassed once more, Squidward looked away. Taking a deep breath, the octopus said, “Look, Sponge, I -- last night, you said something kinda weird, and I wanted to know if -- if maybe --”

“Huh?”

“You said -- you only cared about me, not anyone else, and I -- I wanted to ask,” stammered Squidward, “... what exactly … you meant by that.”

Spongebob’s eyes widened. Oh, barnacles. Did he really say that? Well … there was no hiding it now. Gripping his sheets tight, Spongebob steeled himself for what was to come. “It means I … I wanna keep hanging out with you, Squidward,” said the sponge, staring down at his yellow knuckles. “I wanna hang out with you more than anyone else.”

Squidward swallowed, hard. “Sponge, what are you saying?”

Spongebob looked up. Their eyes met. “I like you,” said the sponge, smiling nervously. “A … a lot.”

A long moment of silence passed. Spongebob’s heart hammered furiously at his chest. Then, Squidward sighed, and picked up the ATTT boxed set. Walking over to Spongebob’s TV, the octopus inserted the first disc, grabbed the remote, and returned to Spongebob’s side.

Lifting the blankets, the octopus said, “Scooch over.”

Spongebob blinked, then did as instructed. “Why?” he asked.

“You really are an idiot,” muttered Squidward, climbing into bed with him. “It’s a Sunday, the Krusty Krab is closed, and we have a whole boxed set to watch together. Might as well start now.”

Spongebob smiled, happily. “So -- so you -- ”

Squidward rolled his eyes. “If you must know, yes, I … I like you,” he snapped. “I’m not gonna drive halfway across the ocean floor for just anybody, you know.”

Spongebob grinned stupidly. “I guess not.”

With that, the show began, its melodramatic theme tune echoing pleasantly across Spongebob’s pineapple home. And just below the bed, Gary let out a soft, contended meow -- which almost certainly meant “finally.”

-0-

References:

The line about cutting Squidward’s cable is a reference to the episode “Party Pooper Pants”, in which Spongebob cuts Squidward’s cable to get him to come over for a party.

[tuiyla]

Sentimental Affection: Hambo, the Shirt, and Objects of Psychic Resonance

Adventure Time and the mundane, aka Daddy, why did you eat my fries?

Ever a show to be full of hidden symbolism and so much more under the surface than its 11-minute runtime would allow, Adventure Time uses seemingly mundane objects like a teddy bear or a T-shirt to convey the monumental importance of character dynamics. This doesn’t only apply to objects but actual parts of one’s self, like Finn’s arm and the interwoven significance of his many swords. And then, there’s Marceline.

Like with many of the show’s more complex aspects, this is especially prevalent in Marceline’s story. How do you stress the sheer volume of having lived for a thousand years? How do you signify the lack of letting go of the past, lack of maturity? You give a girl a teddy bear and have her hold on to it for as long as she can. And it’s not just Hambo that adds unexpected depth to Marceline’s character and her relationship with others. There’s the infamous rock shirt, which we’ll get to, and then there’s the French fries eaten by Hunson Abadeer.

As iconic as the Fry Song has become and as synonymous with the complex Abadeer father-daughter relationship as it is, it seems silly, at first glance, that Marceline would be so upset over that simple transgression. But Adventure Time has a special talent for making the mundane whimsical and significant, so through the context of the full song, through little glimpses here and there, we understand the symbolism of the fries. It’s Hunson’s disregard for Marceline’s feelings, his carelessness, his lack of understanding, that really matters.

Just a teddy in the wreckage of the world

So what about Hambo? Hambo is, for a while, everything to Marceline. Hambo is the one representation of her relationship with Simon that she has left. It’s a remnant from the wreckage of the world, a plushie given to a scared little girl by an equally scared old man. It’s the one thing Simon leaves behind when he abandons Marcy, for her own good, and summons Hunson to take care of her instead. But Hunson eats those fries and so Marceline takes the family axe instead and keeps it as safe as she keeps Hambo.

Hambo stays with Marceline long after she turns into a vampire, ever a symbol of the tragic childhood she lost and yet is stuck in. It’s not a coincidence that she’s implied to tolerate much of Ash’s jerkish behaviour but draws the line when he sells Hambo for a new wand. That’s the only thing of Simon, the real Simon that she has left and it matters more than a boyfriend who doesn’t care about that. Disregard for Hambo is disregard for her. So Marceline keeps moving all across Ooo, both to escape from this new, twisted version of Simon and to find the one thing that proves he wasn’t always like this.

You kept the shirt I gave you?

Let’s take a break from Hambo for a moment. Let’s picture a time long before Finn washed up on the shores of Ooo, before the Candy Kingdom grew into what it is today. Marceline and Bonnibel are friends, maybe more - details depend on whatever nuggets “Obsidian” gives us. For a while, it works, and Marceline gives Bonnie a rock T-shirt. That shirt is so quintessentially Marcy that it becomes a symbol of their relationship when it’s with PB. The two drift apart, though, as Bonnie becomes known as Princess Bubblegum to everyone else and Marceline leaves before she can be left behind. The shirt becomes a sort of inverse of Hambo: a token of love that’s - as Marceline initially thinks - never cared for. Bitter as she might be over this, Marcy leaves it all behind as she left Hunson with the fries. She never really got to grow beyond being that young girl who was left Hambo in the snow.

Except, Finn does come along, eventually, and he brings Bonnie and Marcy together again. It’s intense and Marceline lashes out because, well, sorry she’s such an inconvenience. But in truth, it’s Marceline who tags along to defeat the Door Lord despite having no stakes in the mater, and it’s PB who wants to get her precious possession back. Her treasure is, of course, Marceline’s shirt. The one she always has worn, just in the comfort of her own room or under something else. Not out in the open, one might say, but constantly nonetheless, even long after Marceline was gone from her life. A reminder of what they had as much as Hambo is a reminder of who Simon was to Marcy.

That’s the wonder of “What Was Missing”. It lampshades the potential cheesiness of the message, that being “the real treasure is friendship”, but it is genuine in how it portrays that message beyond what would be expected of a kids’ cartoon. Finn keeps a piece of Bubblegum’s hair, but PB is right there to hang out with whenever they want to. Bonnie keeps Marcy’s shirt because she thinks it’s as close as she’ll get to be around her again, but Marceline tagged along just for the joy of being around them. What these two examples have in common is that both Finn and PB want something more from the relationship with the actual person, something they think is unattainable, so they hold on to the objects instead of reaching out.

I’ll get your kid back, toy

So what about Hambo and Marceline reaching out to Simon? When the Ice King inevitably finds her, again, Marceline is rightfully frustrated and just about ready to pack up and move again. But she’s grown these past few years since Finn entered her life and helped her face her past demons. It breaks her heart but she starts accepting Simon back into her life. They hang out and she insists on calling him Simon, because she never stopped viewing him that way. She knows who he used to be, even if he doesn’t, and she clings onto the representation of that hope, Hambo.

Marceline is already in a much better place by the time “Sky Witch” rolls around than she was at the start of the series. She kind of has Hunson, Simon and Bonnie in her life again. It’s all a bit complicated and unresolved - ”Stakes” isn’t for another two seasons - but she’s on her way. That doesn’t mean she’s gonna let the opportunity to get Hambo back pass by, so she asks for Bonnie’s help. It’s a bit awkward but she spent all this time being angry and feeling like she wasn’t good enough when PB cared enough to at least keep the shirt, so maybe that’s as much hope as Hambo is for Simon. And that’s exactly what “Sky Witch” proves, as Bonnie’s level-headedness helps Marcy navigate Maja’s treacherous turf and gets her Hambo back.

There's only one Hambo

There’s a misconception, a common and understandable one, but a misconception nonetheless when it comes to the shirt and Hambo. When Maja says that Hambo’s psychic resonance is nothing compared to the shirt’s, it’s easy to see the implication being that the shirt is that much more important. Therefore, Marceline is that much more important to PB than Simon is to Marcy. This isn’t entirely inaccurate but I also think that what’s important here is not to put these two objects and therefore the two relationships on the same scale. It implies that we’re comparing the familial type of love between Simon and Marcy to the romantic love between Bonnie and Marcy and that’s just a false and pointless comparison. Instead, the significance once again comes through trademark Adventure Time subtlety.

“What Was Missing” was mainly the Bubbline dynamic from Marcy’s perspective: her hurt, her anger over not knowing why it all ended. The twist with the shirt at the end only hints at PB’s side of things and “Sky Witch” takes it home. From the little moments at the beginning of the episode to the revelation that PB gave up the shirt for Hambo, it’s a full package. It’s in everything, including the scene where Peebs dismisses Hambo’s importance. It’s just a doll, totally replaceable, an insinuation which insults Marcy deeply. Bonnie doesn’t necessarily get why Hambo is so important but, in a way, PB does understand. She understands, because Hambo is to Marceline what the shirt is for her: hope.

When PB gives up the shirt, she gives up the only piece of Marceline she’s had for all these centuries. It wasn’t replaceable, just like Hambo wasn’t, but by giving it up she gives Marceline her most treasured possession, her hope. And you know what else? By giving up this remnant of the past, Bonnie gets Marceline back. “Sky Witch”, then, is the beginning of their new dynamic, as the lesson from the Door Lord finally sinks in. And by equating, in a way, Hambo and the shirt, after we’ve already seen in “I Remember You” and “Simon & Marcy” how monumental that relationship is, this makes Bonnie’s devotion to Marcy clear as day.

Magic, madness, sadness, and all the rest

Hambo becomes something even bigger in “Betty”. The reason why Maja wanted Hambo and then the shirt in the first place is because Adventure Time acknowledges within the logic of its own universe how important the love poured into these objects is. She uses the magic of the shirt and Simon uses the magic of Hambo. Marceline, reluctantly, lets go of Hambo because she just got Simon back, just as PB let go of the shirt and got Marcy back. Nothing is ever that straightforward in the land of Ooo, though, so Hambo brings Betty back but it can’t save Simon. Now Marceline got a taste of the old Simon, had hope, and it lives on in the person they sacrificed Hambo for: Betty.

Betty’s hope is misguided, though. With her time jump to modern day Ooo, a journey of denial and desperation begins that leads her and the whole land down a road of magic and madness. Betty’s shenanigans is its own separate post, really, and all the themes of acceptance, denial and change they represent. What I find fascinating in this context is how, again, in true AT style, the butterfly effect did its magic and the mundane lead into the whimsical and grandiose.

Right there where you left it, lying upside down

Simon gave a little Marcy her teddy doll and Ash carelessly passed it on. Marceline gave Bubblegum a rock shirt, something so quintessentially her that it was the one thing Peebs held onto even after all those years. The shirt was a symbol of their lingering connection and its sacrifice meant the start of a new chapter. The significance of the shirt was enough to get Hambo back, which in turn was powerful enough for Simon to get Betty back. And, eventually, by moving almost literal heaven and hell, Betty brings Simon back. Everything stays, but it still changes.

The shirt is not Marceline. Hambo is not Simon. Objects are not people, nor can we only be with people if we let go of those objects. That isn’t the message the show is going for. And these objects are only catalysts for character arc and dynamics in most cases, anyway. Marceline doesn’t grow up by letting Hambo go, she succeeds in leaving the past behind in “Stakes”. And, if the “Obsidian” trailer is any indication, even that doesn’t mean she’s done with all her demons.

What the intertwined stories of Hambo and the shirt tell us is that complex, emotional stories can be told through simple objects. A teddy doll can signify a thousand years of pain and yet provide hope, while a rock T-shirt can pack some good old-fashioned queer yearning into it. Hambo and the shirt aren’t even monumental parts of Marceline’s, Simon’s and Bubblegum’s stories, even if Adventure Time finds clever ways to use them in the plot. They are just two simple things that represent so much in terms of character development and some of the show’s central dynamics, and that’s damn good storytelling.

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

(image description: eight sketchbook drawings of characters holding a variety of pride flags, all nude and posed in ways that match some old fine art pieces. The nudity has been censored with cute digital flower stickers. end description.)

Characters:

Dalmar, intersex man. Kouto, nonbinary. Chacha, agender. Parva, nonbinary. Xulic and Kidron, genderqueer. Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, genderqeer. Olli, demiguy. Sajak, genderqueer.

Genderqueer is kind of my default for "well, biologically and culturally, they already don't have binary sex or gender, so they kinda default to genderqueer." And I know maybe some people will be bothered by that, but it's just part of the worldbuilding I've written around all these non-human and frequently non-mammalian species of people.

The uncensored version is on my Patreon page. I do have one more drawing to add to this series, but since it's four child characters I will not need to worry about adding any censors and keeping the original image only on my patreon, as they will simply be wearing their pride flags as whole outfits.

The previous part of this, my binary trans characters, can be found over here.

detailed character descriptions and explanations of the pose references under the cut

Dalmar Ubora, a black intersex elf man with short black hair. He is holding his arms up as he holds the intersex flag, mimicking the pose of Virgin Mary from Titian's painting "The Assumption of the Virgin". The shading was washed out by the photo, but his belly is still clearly round from pregnancy. Dalmar is an interesting case, in that he was assigned male at birth based on his outward appearance, continues to identify as male throughout his life, but finds during puberty that what was believed to be an undeveloped penis was actually just a non functional body part. Instead, what actually developed to full functionality was his uterus. He still identifies as a straight cis man, and has come to terms with his body. He is married to a medically transitioned trans woman, and he could undergo operations to change his body if he wanted to. Instead, he has embraced his body and even birthed some children who were conceived via sperm donations. This is why I wanted a Mary pose for him, and this painting in particular is about Mary being welcomed into heaven as a blessed holy woman. Dalmar may not be a miraculous holy figure, but there is a reverence in the way he has come to love his body and chosen to bear children, including the surrogate birth of his brother's child.

Kouto Hayashi-Loryck, a slender nonbinary elf with black hair tied into a bun. They are holding the nonbinary flag and standing in the pose of a statue known as "Apollo Belvedere", which is so old no one knows the artist's name. One arm raised, one lowered, legs in the relaxed contrapposto pose. Kouto is an artist and an art model. Apollo is a god of the arts, and regarded as a beautiful and sexual figure. Kouto is bisexual and admittedly a very sexual and flirtatious person. They did settle into a happy marriage though (actually they are Dalmar's in-law and the sperm donor for the aforementioned surrogate birth.) Marriage has not stopped Kouto's flirtations, merely limited their targets to a singular person. It felt right to give him this pose, from a pretty well known portrayal of Apollo. Beauty, art, and sex, all defining traits of Apollo and Kouto alike, all present in a pose where the figure seems to be reaching for something above them.

Chacha Faraji, an agender black elf with short hair. They are facing away from the viewer, seated on a stool that is covered by the draped agender flag. No physical traits that could betray their agab are visible. Chacha is sitting in the pose of Reubens' painting "Venus at the Mirror". The arm closest to the viewer ends at the elbow, while they hold a mirror in front of their face with their one whole arm. Their face is seen reflected, smiling, little wrinkles visible by their eyes. I chose this painting in part because it did allow me to obscure Chacha's agab. They were my first nonbinary character, and I never really settled on an agab. But also, I enjoy putting characters who have unconventional bodies into poses associated with Venus or Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty. Chacha is missing half an arm, they are getting older and it shows in the wrinkles on their face. Chacha is also Aromantic and Asexual, the full queer triple A battery. The mirror pose has become an independence of beauty. "Look but don't touch." Chacha is beautiful, and they do not need to be beautiful for anyone but themself.

Parva Turbatus, a white nonbinary elf with shoulder length curly hair that has been shaved down on the far side of their head. They are holding the nonbinary flag, standing in the slightly closed off pose found in Paul Gariot's painting "Pandora's Box". One hand on their chest, one hand held out to hold the flag. They have top surgery scars on their chest and a c-section scar on their navel, though all of these have unfortunately been hidden by the flower censors. I chose a pandora pose for Parva because they have one of the most intense tragic backstories of any of my characters. Like Pandora opening the box, they have suffered through many things but came out the other side with Hope, and healing.

Xulic Vos and Kidron Engedi, a drow and a lizard person. They are sharing the genderqueer flag. Xulic has long ears and white hair in a braid, with a white monkey-like tail barely visible behind their legs. Kidron looks like a leopard gecko, and their tail is acting as a visual block in fron of Xulic's groin. They are standing together in the central pose of Raphael's "School of Athens" fresco. Xulic is pointing one hand up to the sky, while Kidron holds one hand palm down towards the earth. Xulic's chest is visibly flat, however I have rewritten the drow as a eusocial people, who's biology has made most of the common population infertile and visibly near identical above the waist. Xulic's agab is unknown to anyone but them, and perhaps their reptilian lover Kidron. Both drow and lizard folk have biology and cultures that do not really support a gender binary, so genderqueer suits them both quite well. I chose the School of Athens pose because these characters are scientists in fields that overlap, and they often get into deep discussions on the matter. Xulic is a paleontologist while Kidron is a geologist, and they have another friend (my protagonist) who studies archaeology.

Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, an elderly goblin with sagging skin and axolotl-like frills on the sides of her head. She grins as she holds the gender queer flag, partly draped over the tall stool she is seated on. Her pose matches that of John Collier's "Priestess of Delphi" painting, which depicts a woman hunched over herself on a stool. Old Obeli Moruga, whose title best translates to "grandmother" is a significant figure in her community, both because of her more practical role as a leader and wise woman, but also because she has gained immortality and become an incarnation of Life Itself, after she was given the offer of such power when she nearly died in the goblin revolution. There are many figures that would suit her. Poses from statues of goddesses, like Athena or Gaia. Perhaps turning away from the theme of greek and roman figures I ended up with for my nonbinary group (dalmar is his own thing) and using the famous painting of Liberty on a battlefield. But now in her old age, all those poses of figures in more active poses, tall and imposing, simply didn't feel right. A wise old woman, hunched on a stool in a pose associated with the idea of an oracle, a priestess, a prophetess, felt much more fitting. (goblin culture does have specific pronouns for leadership, and in the common speech they have decided this translates best to the feminine "she/her")

Olli Moruga, also a goblin with axolotl-like frills, standing with the demiguy flag in his hands. He is in the pose of Michaelangelo's statue of Bacchus, god of wine, merriment, and madness. One hand up as if to salute with a cup, body leaning and perhaps a little unstable. Olli is a gay demiguy, stepping away from the naturally ungendered state of his people to embrace masculinity instead. He is extroverted, loves a good party, and has definitely been a little over his depth with alcohol on many occasions. He knows this is a problem. He used to act rebellious because of it, trying to be cool and aloof, but he has since admitted the truth to himself and now openly seeks help. His trans lover, Zaire (seen in a previous post) has become a great support to him. Even though it may seem odd to use the pose of a god of wine for a character that is trying to overcome an alcohol issue, I still feel like the vibe of Bacchus or Dionysus fits Olli well. He is not only a god of wine, but also of pleasure in general, a concept Olli embraces. Wild joy, perhaps to the point of becoming a little feral, abandoning tradition for personal fulfillment. It is unusual for goblins to embrace a binary gender, even partially. Gendered pronouns do not exist in their tongue, only being used in cases where common speech needs to be used to refer to certain significant figures, such as a leader. It is also unusual for a goblin to take a lover outside their species, since most goblins live in fairly isolated places and all mate together seasonally, depositing their eggs in a communal nursery pool. Olli stands out on purpose.

Lastly, Sajak, an amphibious person with some fish-like features such as their finned ears and a barely visible dorsal fin. They are holding the genderqueer flag as they stand in a commanding pose, one foot on a rock, one arm held out as if pointing to something below them. This pose is taken from the central Poseidon statue in the fountain of Trevi. Their head, arms, and torso are covered in dark tattoos in abstract designs, and they also have a few natural dark stripes along their arms and legs. The obvious connection between Sajak and this statue of Poseidon is that Sajak is a fish person and Poseidon is an ocean god. If I could have thought of a more medical figure, I may have made a different choice in the art reference. Sajak is primarily a doctor, a healer. They are fairly well known and they were an important figure on their home island, though they did leave eventually. Even so, there is a certain vibe to Sajak that suits the image of a powerful and unpredictable oceanic god. They are steady, intelligent, and careful, but they can become fierce when their loved ones are under threat, and the intense focus they show in their work as a doctor can be intimidating to see. There is a feeling of hidden power within Sajak, just as there is in the ocean when it seems calm. Fish folk, whether bipedal and amphibious or fully aquatic, also fit under my category of "non-mammalian people who are just kind of genderqueer by default due to their biology not fitting into a binary".

[manicr]

X-Factor: Daken

Since I did a development analysis on Daken in X-Men Blue, it feels only reasonable to do one for X-Factor, especially considering the the latest issue (#8). I had thoughts that I articulated in the tags, but I think I should try to put them together and look at Daken as a character in the whole of X-Factor.

Firstly, Daken isn’t recruited into the team, he persistently volunteers despite the objections of the team. He is presented passed out on the bar floor, drinking to deal with his feelings. Word of God states he’s depressive again and Laura being in the Vault is a big factor in that. Daken later confesses that he’s been “playing nice”, implying what he did was trying to be good and finding it a role, rather than natural.  His drive to join the team seems to be desperate to distract himself from his negative feelings, needing purpose and preoccupation.

However, very in-character, he excuses himself with flippant commentary, and the fact that he finds Aurora attractive:

He, as in XMB, makes himself useful to the team with his powers and instincts, despite them not being welcoming of his presence. He persists and tries to reach out to them, even if only a little, like he’s learned to do with his sisters and what we saw in XMB. He even calls them out on their bullshit against him, and tries to “be good”. The team still doesn’t trust him, and are bothered both by his flirtatiousness and his past villainy.

He actively pursues Aurora and gets himself thrown out of Mojo-verse, however his interest isn’t just romantic/sexual, but he wants to solve what happened to her when she died. He knows she’s not telling everything. He tries to be kind and reach out to her, not forcing her to say, but curious -- maybe having his own hypothesis on what happened. He knows something is off, and can’t let it go. Seems to care enough to want to help her.

Now were three issues in and Daken has been trying his best to help, reach out and fit into a team that is not very welcoming or accepting of him. Aurora is a fixed point of interest for him, and he tries especially with her. She seems flattered by the attention at this point.

Then the X of Swords event happens, essentially without Daken though he fights in the background, and we get our first major time-jump. That jump seems noticeable in text, as there seems to be a greater comfort and trust in the team as a whole, not just towards Daken.

At a party in the Boneyard, Daken talks with Polaris, trusting her enough to ask her if the kindness he sees is real It is, and it’s a bit of an alien concept to him still. He equates it with lack of intelligence “simple-mindedness” or faking it as an act to get ahead/mask whatevers beneath. Polaris mentions his childhood trauma.

Daken also takes some ribbing from Lorna regarding his past and glum attitude, but laughs it off, but we get some foreshadowing through it. Daken’s trauma regarding snow is tied together in XF, harking to a Dark Wolverine era trauma of him  as a child being forced to ‘train’ in snow by Romulus. It’ll repeat itself in XF again.

We also get to see a little of what Daken does on his spare time, drawing with charcoal: having finally found some other outlet than fighting, fucking and drinking for his feelings.

He also reaffirms his interest in Aurora, as well as his familial affection for Polaris. He shows off growth in being able to have different types of affection, to have family that he cares for when back in his own series he refused social bonds like family (in ref. to the Fantastic 4) and saw them as based on fear, social obligation, and naivete.

Themes of being trapped, trauma and abuse are repeated in XF by different characters -- it applies to all of them in different ways. The letter “Why didn’t you just leave?” that speaks of this.

It echoes trauma that Daken needed to deal with himself under Romulus control -- even when he was physically away from him. His character arch has been to find himself, and not just flippantly in his eat-prey-killing comment, but also a way out of the trauma of abuse and making himself ‘smaller’ lesser to fit with the living weapon Romulus wanted. To find and dare to feel, to feel worthy, and not fear some punishment from his abuser. Of course, this applies to so many characters in X-F, both sub-textually and directly like with Siryn and Shatterstar.

One of the major relationship changes now in the book is Daken and Northstar’s relationship. Northstar confides and trusts in Daken as a team-mate from previously having refused it. Daken in turn takes his orders and seems to want that trust:

This culminates in Northstar rescuing Daken when he was trapped and beaten by the Morrigan. And according to Aurora, Northstar is behaving towards Daken as a person he doesn’t want to lose, by yelling for him and checking on him. He explicitly cares for Daken now, even with the protectiveness he still feels for Aurora. The dying in the snow theme repeats it self.

Then there is Daken and Auroras long conversation about his powers, her feelings and his feelings. He reveals the limits of his skills and she insists on understanding, which seems to make him feel better about it. She empathizes with the burden of his skills, seeing the drawbacks.

There’s a lot of subtext regarding his relationship with his own powers, he outwardly uses them shamelessly but at the same time this implies that it’s far more fumbling, uncertain and emotionally harrowing for him. And that he’s willing to see that and feel that rather than see it as his right to do whatever or refuse his powers utterly.

The Morrigan fight is overlayed with a speech about trauma, highlighting how it directly relates to Daken. He’s traumatized. He’s been abused. He’s been rewired to be dysfunctional, to hide his pain and the suffering. And it makes him feel worthless, unloved, and that no one cares, has never cared.

Later, Daken acknowledges how poorly he felt, how helpless, and how suicidal it made him feel. Even if he thinks its hypnosis rather than his own real feelings. His description fit in with depression and trauma-related issues, the feeling over never reaching shore, of drowning, and helplessness combined with the negative-self talk, that no one cares, loves him, or will be there for him since he’s worthless and a burden. But also how he looks to Aurora for comfort to deal with that.

Generally this issue irons out issues of consent, the genuineness of both their feelings as well as Daken being more like a real friend and family member to the team, but also about revealing his trauma. To show that he is not alright, despite his flippant flirty exterior. He struggles with his past, his trauma and his feelings about himself, and the belief that he deserves to be loved, cared for and to belong. This is repeated in issue #8 which hammers these themes home once more. Daken is not alright, but he wants to be.

This is growth from early Daken who didn’t even want to admit to himself that he was abused and molded by Romulus, and using rage and hurting others as a way of dealing with his own feelings, as well as using others and himself because it didn’t matter, he didn’t and no one else did either.

The in the snow theme is repeated and his fervent desire to be saved, from everything, himself as well as everything and everyone that might harm him. He seems to believe that being loved by Aurora will save him. Which is not the healthiest approach to dealing with trauma but a very common one, latching onto other people, because he doesn’t yet have the sense of self or self-worth to believe in it unless someone else does too. This for most people a necessary step towards growing and getting better.

He also is still stuck in the abuse-trauma-victim cycle and blaming himself for being harmed, seeing that he’s somehow not being good enough and that’s why he’s being hurt. “I’ll be good” are the words of someone who has been hurt over and over again by someone who made them believe they somehow deserved it. That they were ‘bad’ and needed to be punished.

...then he is faced with the fact that he truly does believe this about himself, that he’s not over it, that he’s not yet free or saved from the feelings that the trauma left behind.

But then... he dies, self-sacrificing to save his team mates and the information they carry, knowingly risking up to a week of his memory and experiences. He uses Aurora as a morality pet, to prompt himself into action, excessive such even.

He is resurrected without the memory of any of this to the point BEFORE Northstar came for him. He knows he lost that. He knows from reports that he lost things, even if not the extent of it, and now the hurt and pain from DAYS in the snow is fresh again, without any help from Aurora to process it nor knowing for certain that she loves him, without being proved that his team cares and came for him in the end. He might now the latter in paper, but that’s not the same emotionally speaking.

So, he’s angry. He knows he’s lost things, he’s been hurt and killed. But he doesn’t have the comfort of resolving these things with his team like he did, not with his habit of hiding his pain, and feeling like a burden. So he fights instead.

So, where have we ended up at the end of issue #8 of X-Factor?

Daken has been accepted by his team, because of all of HIS hard work, reaching out and kindness

Daken has opened up about his powers and his suffering (though lost half of it to the mind transfer time gap)

He has established a relationship with Aurora with clear consent, affection, but not yet full transparency of their mutual pasts (again some lost from his perspective)

He is starting to realize that he’s not yet ‘over’ his own trauma and that he’ll need to continue working on it (some lost)

Daken isn’t a perfect character nor perfectly written, he was abused and shaped by that abuse and trauma into something vicious, that he didn’t dare change from for a long time. Instead he tried to enjoy it, to revel in it, rather than face the pain and grow. He hurt and killed a lot of people, including himself, and it’s takes years of development for him to start to grow past that old self. Getting away from Romulus was only the first step.

He needed people to make him see how fucked up he was and to motivate him to be better, from Johnny back in Dark Avengers, then Laura and Gabby, and then trying on his own, attaching to Donna for a while, before teaming up with the X-Men and then X-Factor and Aurora as support for himself. It’s pretty clear that on his own, he can’t do it, he needs help, support, structure and purpose -- as do the majority of people. I’d also recommend therapy, but he’s not there yet.

One day he might stand on his own feet when it comes to feeling good about himself and managing his own life. But right now he’s in a place where he needs a strong support system, not just his family and lovers but also friends.

[thewatsonbeekeepers]

Chapter 4 – It is always 1895 [TAB 1/1]

TAB is my favourite episode of Sherlock. It is a masterpiece that investigates queerness, the canon and the psyche all within an hour and a half. Huge amounts of work has been done on this episode, however, so I’m not going to do a line by line breakdown – that could fill a small book. A great starting point for understanding the myriad of references in TAB is Rebekah’s three part video series on the episode, of which the first instalment can be found here X. I broadly agree with this analysis; what I’m going to do here, though, is place that analysis within the framework of EMP theory. As a result, as much as it pains me, this chapter won’t give a breakdown of carnation wallpaper or glass houses or any of those quietly woven references – we’re simply going in to how it plays into EMP theory.

Before digging into the episode, I want to take a brief diversion to talk about one of my favourite films, Mulholland Drive (2001).

If you haven’t seen Mulholland Drive, I really recommend it – it’s often cited as the best film of the last 20 years, and watching it really helps to see where TAB came from and the genre it’s operating in. David Lynch is one of the only directors to do the dream-exploration-of-the-psyche well, and I maintain that a lot of the fuckiness in the fourth series draws on Lynch. However, what I actually want to point out about Mulholland Drive is the structure of it, because I think it will help us understand TAB a little better. [If you don’t want spoilers for Mulholland Drive, skip the next paragraph.]

The similarities between these two are pretty straightforward; the most common reading of Mulholland Drive is that an actress commits suicide by overdose after causing the death of her ex-girlfriend, who has left her for a man, and that the first two-thirds of the film are her dream of an alternate scenario in which her girlfriend is saved. The last third of the film zooms in and out of ‘real life’, but at the end we see a surreal version of the actual overdose which suggests that this ‘real life’, too, has just been in her psyche. Sherlock dying and recognising that this may kill John is an integral part of TAB, and the relationships have clear parallels, but what is most interesting here is the structural similarity; two-thirds of the way through TAB, give or take, we have the jolt into reality, zoom in and out of it for a while and then have a fucky scene to finish with that suggests that everything is, in fact, still in our dying protagonist’s brain. Mulholland Drive’s ending is a lot sadder than TAB’s – the fact that, unlike Sherlock, there is no sequel can lead us to assume that Diane dies – and it’s also a lot more confusing; it’s often cited as one of the most complicated films ever made even just in terms of surface level plot, before getting into anything else, and it certainly took me a huge amount of time on Google before I could approach anything like a resolution on it!

Mulholland Drive is the defining film in terms of the navigating-the-surreal-psyche subgenre, and so the structural parallels between the two are significant – and definitely point to the idea that Sherlock hasn’t woken up at the end of TAB, which is important. But we don’t need to take this parallel as evidence; there’s plenty of that in the episode itself. Let’s jump in.

Emelia as Eurus

When we first meet Eurus in TST, she calls herself E; this initialism is a link to Moriarty, but it’s also a convenient link to other ‘E’ names. Lots of people have already commented on the aural echo of ‘Eros’ in ‘Eurus’, which is undeniable; the idea that there is something sexual hidden inside her name chimes beautifully with her representation of a sexual repression. The other important character to begin with E, however, is Emelia Ricoletti. The name ‘Emelia’ doesn’t come from ACD canon, and it’s an unorthodox spelling (Amelia would be far more common), suggesting that starting with an ‘E’ is a considered choice.

When TAB aired, we were preoccupied with Emelia as a Sherlock mirror, and it’s easy to see why; the visual parallels (curly black hair, pale skin) plus the parallel faked death down to the replacement body, which Mofftiss explicitly acknowledge in the episode. However, I don’t think that this reading is complete; rather, she foreshadows the Eurus that we meet in s4. The theme of ghosts links TAB with s4 very cleanly; TAB is about Emelia, but there is also a suggestion of the ghosts of one’s past with Sir Eustace as well as Sherlock’s own claims (‘the shadows that define our every sunny day’). Compare this to s4 – ‘ghosts from the past’ appears on pretty much every promotional blurb, and the word is used several times in relation to Eurus. If Eurus is the ghost from Sherlock’s past, the repressive part of his psyche that keeps popping back, Emelia is a lovely metaphor for this; she is quite literally the ghost version of Sherlock who won’t die.

What does it mean, then, when Jim and Emelia become one and the same in the scene where Jim wears the bride’s dress? We initially read this as Jim being the foil to Sherlock, his dark side, but I think it’s more complicated than this. Sherlock’s brain is using Emelia as a means of understanding Jim, but when we watch the episode it seems that they’ve actually merged. Jim wearing the veil of the bride is a good example of this, but I also invite you to rewatch the moment when John is spooked by the bride the night that Eustace dies; the do not forget me song has an undeniable South Dublin accent.* This is quite possibly Yasmine Akram [Janine] rather than Andrew Scott, of course, but let’s not forget that these characters are resolutely similar, and hearing Jim’s accent in a genderless whisper is a pretty clear way of inflecting him into the image of the bride. In addition to this, Eustace then has ‘Miss Me?’ written on his corpse, cementing the link to Moriarty.

[*the South Dublin accent is my accent, so although we hear a half-whispered song for all of five seconds, I’m pretty certain about this]

Jim’s merging with Emelia calls to mind for me what I think might be the most important visual of all of series 4 – Eurus and Jim’s Christmas meeting, where they dance in circles with the glass between them and seem to merge into each other. I do talk about this in a later chapter, but TLDR – if Jim represents John being in danger and Eurus represents decades of repressed gay trauma, this merging is what draws the trauma to the surface just as Jim’s help is what suddenly makes Eurus a problem. It is John’s being in danger which makes Sherlock’s trauma suddenly spike and rise – he has to confront this for the first time – just like Emelia Ricoletti’s case from 1895 only needs solving for the first time now that Jim is back.

At some point I want to do a drag in Sherlock meta, because I think there’s a lot more to it than meets the eye, but Jim in a bride’s dress does draw one obvious drag parallel for me.

If you haven’t seen the music video for I Want to Break Free, it’s 3 minutes long and glorious – and also, I think, reaps dividends when seen in terms of Sherlock. You can watch it here: X

Not only is it a great video, but for British people of Mofftiss’s age, it’s culturally iconic and not something that would be forgotten when choosing that song for Jim. Queen were intending to lampoon Coronation Street, a British soap, and already on the wrong side of America for Freddie Mercury’s unapologetic queerness, found themselves under fire from the American censors. Brian May says that no matter how many times he tried to explain Coronation Street to the Americans, they just didn’t get it. This was huge controversy at the time, but the video and the controversy around it also managed to cement I Want to Break Free as Queen’s most iconic queer number – despite not even being one of Mercury’s songs. There is no way that Steven Moffat, and even more so Mark Gatiss would not have an awareness of this in choosing this song for Moriarty. Applying any visual to this song is going to invite comparisons to the video – and inflecting a sense of drag here is far from inappropriate. Moriarty has been subsumed into Eurus in Sherlock’s brain – the male and the female are fused into an androgynous and implicitly therefore all-encompassing being. I’m not necessarily comfortable with the gendered aspect of this – genderbending is something we really only see in our villains here – but given this is about queer trauma, deliberately queering its form in this way is making what we’re seeing much more explicit.

Nothing new under the sun

“The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun” (Ecclesiastes)

"Read it up -- you really should. There is nothing new under the sun. It has all been done before." (A Study in Scarlet, Sherlock Holmes)

“Hasn’t this all happened before? There’s nothing new under the sun.” (The Abominable Bride, Jim Moriarty)

This is arguably the key to spotting that TAB is a dream long before they tell us – when TAB’s case is early revealed to be a mixture between TRF (Emelia’s suicide) and TGG (the five pips), and we see the opening of ASiP repeated, we should be questioning what on earth is going on. This can also help us to recognise s4 as being EMP as well though – old motifs from the previous series keep repeating through the cases, like alarm bells ringing. Moriarty telling Sherlock that there is nothing new under the sun is his key to understanding that the Emelia case is meant to help him understand what happened to Jim, that it’s a mental allegory or mirror to help him parse it. This doesn’t go away when TAB ends! Moving into TST, one of the striking things is that cases are still repeating! The Six Thatchers appeared on John’s blog way back, before the fall – you can read it here: X. It’s about a gay love affair that ends in one participant killing the other. Take from that what you will, when John’s extramarital affection is making him suicidal and Sherlock comatose. Meanwhile, the title of The Final Problem refers to the story that was already covered in TRF and the phone situation with the girl on the plane references both ASiB and TGG, and the ending of TST is close to a rerun of HLV. It’s pretty much impossible to escape echoes of previous series in a way that is almost creepy, but we’ve already had this explained to us in TAB – none of this is real. It’s supposed to be explaining what is happening in the real world – and Mofftiss realised that this was going to be difficult to stomach, and so they included TAB as a kind of key to the rest of the EMP, which becomes much more complex.

However, if we want to go deeper we should look at where that quote comes from. I’ve given a few epigraphs to this section to show where the quote comes from – first the book of Ecclesiastes, then A Study in Scarlet. It’s one of the first things Holmes says and it is during his first deduction in Lauriston Gardens. This is where I’m going to dive pretty deep into the metatextual side of things, so bear with the weirdness.

[we’re going deeper]

Holmes’s first deduction from A Study in Scarlet shows that he’s no great innovator – he simply notices things and spots patterns from things he has seen before. This is highlighted by the fact that he even makes this claim by quoting someone before him. If our Sherlock also makes deductions based on patterns from the past, extensive dream sequences where he works through past cases as mirrors for present ones makes perfect sense and draws very cleverly on canon. However, I think his spotting of patterns goes deeper than that. Sherlock Holmes has been repressed since the publication of A Study in Scarlet, through countless adaptations in literature and film. Plenty of these adaptations as well as the original stories are referenced in the EMP, not least by going back to 1895, the year that symbolises the era in which most of these adaptations are set. (If you don’t already know it, check out the poem 221B by Vincent Starrett, one of the myriad of reasons why the year 1895 is so significant.) My feeling is that these adaptations, which have layered on top of each other in the public consciousness to cement the image of Sherlock Holmes the deductive machine [which he’s not, sorry Conan Doyle estate] come to symbolise the 100+ years of repression that Sherlock himself has to fight through to come out of the EMP as his queer self.

This is one of the reasons that the year 1895 is so important; it was the year of Oscar Wilde’s trial and imprisonment for gross indecency, and this is clearly a preoccupation of Sherlock’s consciousness in TFP with its constant Wilde references, suggesting that his MP’s choice of 1895 wasn’t coincidental. Much was made during TAB setlock of a newspaper that said ‘Heimish The Ideal Husband’, Hamish being John’s middle name and An Ideal Husband being one of Wilde’s plays. But the Vincent Starrett poem, although nostalgic and ostensibly lovely, for tjlcers and it seems for Sherlock himself symbolises something much more troubling. Do search up the full poem, but for now let’s look at the final couplet.

Here, though the world explode, these two survive

And it is always 1895

‘Though the world explode’ is a reference to WW1, which is coming in the final Sherlock Holmes story, and which is symbolised by Eurus – in other chapters, I explain why Eurus and WW1 are united under the concept of ‘winds of change’ in this show. Sherlock and John survive the winds of change – except they don’t move with them. Instead, they stay stuck in 1895, the year of ultimate repression. 2014!Sherlock going back in his head to 1895 and repeating how he met John suggests exactly that, that nothing has changed but the superficial, and that emotionally, he is still stuck in 1895.

Others have pulled out similar references to Holmes adaptations he has to push through in TAB – look at the way he talks in sign language to Wilder, which can only be a reference to Billy Wilder, director of TPLoSH, the only queer Holmes film, and a film which was forced to speak through coding because of the Conan Doyle estate. That film is also referenced by Eurus giving Sherlock a Stradivarius, which is a gift given to him in TPLoSH in exchange for feigning heterosexuality. Eurus is coded as Sherlock’s repression, and citing a repressive moment in a queer film as her first action when she meets Sherlock is another engagement by Sherlock’s psyche with his own cinematic history. My favourite metatextual moment of this nature, however, is the final scene of TFP which sees John and Sherlock running out of a building called Rathbone Place.

Basil Rathbone is one of the most iconic Sherlock Holmes actors on film, and Benedict’s costume in TAB and in particular the big overcoat look are very reminiscent of Rathbone.

Others have discussed (X) how the Victorian costume and the continued use of the deerstalker in the present day are images of Sherlock’s public façade and exclusion of queerness from his identity. It’s true that pretty much every Holmes adaptation has used the deerstalker, but the strong Rathbone vibes that come from Ben’s TAB costume ties the 1895 vibe very strongly into Rathbone. To have the final scene – and hopefully exit from the EMP – tie in with Sherlock and John running out of Rathbone Place tells us that, just as Sherlock cast off the deerstalker at the end of TAB (!), he has also cast off the iconic filmic Holmes persona which has never been true to his actual identity.

Waterfall scene

The symbol of water runs through TAB as well as s4 – others have written fantastic meta on why water represents Sherlock’s subconscious (X), but I want to give a brief outline. It first appears with the word ‘deeper’ which keeps reappearing, which then reaches a climax in the waterfall scene. The idea that Sherlock could drown in the waters of his mind is something that Moriarty explicitly references, suggesting that Sherlock could be ‘buried in his own Mind Palace’. The ‘deep waters’ line keeps repeating through series 4, and I just want to give the notorious promo photo from s4 which confirms the significance of the motif.

This is purely symbolic – it never happens in the show. Water increases in significance throughout – think of Sherlock thinking he’s going mad in his mind as he is suspended over the Thames, or the utterly nonsensical placement of Sherrinford in the middle of the ocean – the deepest waters of Sherlock’s mind. Much like the repetition of cases hinting that EMP continues, the use of water is something that appears in the MP, and it sticks around from TAB onwards, a real sign that we’re going deeper and deeper. I talk about this more in the bit on TFP, but the good news is that Sherrinford is the most remote place they could find in the ocean – that’s the deepest we’re going. After that, we’re coming out (of the mind).

Shortly after TAB aired, I wrote a meta about the waterfall scene, some of which I now disagree with, but the core framework still stands – it did not, of course, bank on EMP theory. You can find it here (X), but I want to reiterate the basic framework, because it still makes a lot of sense. Jim represents the fear of John’s suicide, and Jim can only be defeated by Sherlock and John together, not one alone – and crucially, calling each other by first names, which would have been very intimate in the Victorian era. After Jim is “killed”, we have Sherlock’s fall. The concept of a fall (as in IOU a fall) has long been linked with falling in love in tjlc. Sherlock tells John that it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the landing, something that Jim has been suggesting to him for a while. What is the landing, then? Well, Sherlock Holmes fell in love back in the Victorian era, symbolised by the ultra repressive 1895, and that’s where he jumps from – but he lands in the 21st century. Falling in love won’t kill him in the modern day. What I missed that time around, of course, was that despite breaking through the initial Victorian layers of repression, he still dives into more water, and when the plane lands, it still lands in his MP, just in a mental state where the punishment his psyche deals him for homosexuality is less severe. This also sets up s4 as specifically dealing with the problem of the fall – Sherlock jumps to the 21st century specifically to deal with the consequences of his romantic and sexual feelings. There’s a parallel here with Mofftiss time jumping; back when they made A Study in Twink in 2009, there was a reason they made the time jump. Having Sherlock’s psyche have that touch of self-awareness helps to illustrate why they made a similar jump, also dealing with the weight of previous adaptations.

Women

I preface this by saying how incredibly uncomfortable I find the positioning of women as the KKK in TAB. It’s a parallel which is unforgivable; frankly, invoking the KKK without interrogating the whiteness of the show or even mentioning race is unacceptable. Steven Moffat’s ability to write women has consistently been proven to be nil, but this is a new low. However, the presence of women in TAB is vital, so on we go.

TAB specifically deals with the question of those excluded from a Victorian narrative. This is specifically tied into to those who are excluded from the stories, such as Jane and Mrs. Hudson. Mrs. Hudson’s complaint is in the same scene as John telling her and Sherlock to blame the problems on the illustrator. This ties back to the deerstalker metaphor which is so prevalent in this episode; something that’s not in the stories at all, but a façade by which Holmes is universally recognised and which as previously referenced masks his queerness. Women, then, are not the only people being excluded from the narrative. When Mycroft tells us that the women have to win, he’s also talking about queer people. This is a war that we must lose.

I don’t think the importance of Molly in particular here has been mentioned before, but forgive me if I’m retreading old ground. However, Molly always has importance in Sherlock as a John mirror, and just because she is dressed as a man here doesn’t mean we should disregard this. If anything, her ridiculous moustache is as silly as John’s here! Molly, although really a member of the resistance, is able to pass in the world she moves in in 1895, but only by masking her own identity. This is exactly what happens to John in the Victorian era – as a bisexual man married to a woman, he is able to pass, but it is not his true identity. More than that, Molly is a member of the resistance, suggesting not just that John is queer but that he’s aware of it and actively looking for it to change.

I know I was joking about Molly and John’s moustaches, but putting such a silly moustache on Molly links to the silliness of John’s moustaches, which only appear when he’s engaged to a woman and in the Victorian era. He has also grown the moustache just so the illustrator will recognise him, and Molly has grown her moustache so that she will be recognised as a man. In this case, Molly is here to demonstrate the fact that John is passing, but only ever passing. Furthermore, Molly, who is normally the kindest person in the whole show, is bitter and angry throughout TAB – it’s not difficult to see then how hiding one’s identity can affect one’s mental health. I really do think that John is a lot more abrasive in TAB than he is in the rest of the show, but that’s not the whole story. Showing how repression can completely impair one’s personality also points to the suicidal impulses that are lurking just out of sight throughout TAB – this is what Sherlock is terrified of, and again his brain is warning him just what it is that is causing John this much pain and uncharacteristic distress.

This is just about the loosest sketch of TAB that could exist! But TAB meta has been so extensive that going over it seems futile, or else too grand a project within a short chapter. Certain theories are still formulating, and may appear at a later date! But what this chapter (I hope) has achieved has set up the patterns that we’re going to see play out in s4 – between the metatextuality, the waters of the mind and the role of Moriarty in the psyche, we can use TAB as a key with which to read s4. I like to think of it as a gift from Mofftiss, knowing just how cryptic s4 would be – and these are the basic clues with which to solve it.

That’s it for TAB, at least in this series – next up we’re going ever deeper, to find out exactly who is Eurus. See you then?

[babysprouseisart]

Honestly more things are pointing to a permanent separation for SH. No indications of any reconciliation sadly. And it makes it even harder without the confirmation. I guess when they start to get papped with their new SOs will be the day that it is confirmed they are done. And I hope it is soon. This push and pull with them is exhausting

Good day, anon, and welcome to hell. Screams for help will not save you, alas, because when it comes to a topic in which I am 99, 9% sure, I have no equals. I'm sorry you probably got the wrong address, but it's too late. I am merciless and bloodthirsty with anyone who tries to contradict my faith, tries to correct my point of view and convince me of their own, although I did not give it a reason. Because it's my fucking blog where I for x-billionth time has already expressed my exact points and agreed with some people which think and proved the exact opposite to all that you are saying. So be prepared to be slowly but surely tortured by my long ass post.

 So, let's start with what I said about my blog: only good vibes here. I am not interested/concerned about other opposite/negative feedings. I just don't want to make a big deal about it. Here, in my blog, we support Lili Pauline Reinhart and Cole Mitchell Sprouse in any case as couple as well as individuals.

 This means that under no circumstances do we talk about them, their relationships, their projects, their family, or their decisions in a negative way. Yes, we may disagree with something they do, where they do it, and how they do it (what they post, what they like/don't like, write or repost, who they meet, with whom they decide to be, live and communicate with, what they archive/unarchive, and so on), but we do not have the right to judge them or decide how to act. We also can't control it and it's none of our business.

 I repent if I once made the appearance of a person condemning one of them or their family for their actions and possible causes of the separation, it was only my objective external disagreement, points and thoughts aloud, nothing more rude, involved and inappropriate. And I think with many of my words said earlier (or the words of those I follow and reblog their posts) about the behavior of family/friends of Lili, Cole, and so on, people with brains and common sense could agree. Remember this, or write it on your forehead, so that the next time you write to me, you will see these words.

 Moving on, taking into account all of the above, I would like to tell you that it probably won't be enough for one blog to explain to you point by point all my beliefs and points of view on this subject, to prove to you that every fucking word you say is illogical shit and the most real nonsense. It feels like you're an alien who fell from another planet and decided to crawl into our hole with your impressions of a newborn baby who doesn't understand much about the world and its creators. Although in this case, I'm more of the opinion that you are a little asshole, in which the vein of hatred is boiling and you like to come to this and some other blogs to tell us your agenda although we have no idea where you have such rash thoughts, perhaps you have an extra chromosome? Dude, treat your paranoia.

 Further, given that I don't have much time and desire to describe all my points of view point by point, which, unlike your random set of words, really makes sense for hundreds or even thousands of people who have the gray matter to be able to think, I will attach my long - standing post, indicating all the facts at that time proving the opposite to yours. Although, I will try to supplement everything else as much as I can.

 While, we all ( I hope) already realized and accepted that for many reasons, during this quarantine, Lili and Cole had some problems, were distant and ended up apart for a certain period of time, immediately after the end point of the explosion and informing us of all these public actions on social media (I hope you understand), then after a few weeks, they were already confidently moving towards resolution and recovery and that's why:

https://babysprousehart.tumblr.com/post/618026656780648448/hello-i-hope-this-doesnt-come-off-negatively

This was written long before, but still has many valid points and I just want to widen some of them.

Take a sit and follow me word by word.

I shall start my addition of evidence, based on all the guesses and great opinions of others, as well as hints from the Lili and Cole themselves. I would like to start with a significant event and the day when Lili posted a photo from the Antelope Valley on April 28th, well, or 27th, depending on where you are.

Perhaps we lose some missing pieces in this puzzle and forget about something that was done earlier, but I just want to start counting from this moment.

A few facts about this photo/photos:

1) It was posted exactly 3 years later from their famous photoshoot, when very, very, very many people, mostly in media, began to suspect that there is something between them in a romantic way. It was exactly in the same place, exactly with the same style, exactly in a similar image (waving curly hair, light flying dress, black and white effect) and even without a capture. The picture marked the anniversary and is very important for the two of them. An undeniable fact, beat me.

2) That photo was definitely taken by Cole. Why?

Here are a couple more facts in addition to the first:

They have the quality of captured on professional camera.

You can see, that Lili did not tag the photographer and said jokingly that the photo was taken by Milo, why would she lie, or hide that it was anyone else, because clearly she just hid that because it was Cole.

You may have noticed that Austin, when asked who took the photo, whether she took it and whether she is a good photographer, says no and her reaction with a grin and laugh is priceless. She also didn't tag nor the photographer, neither Lili in her photos from there.

You can watch the vlog in the Colleen blog and see there are very similar figures to Cole, Lili and Milo walking along the valley, because, duh, they were there.

You can view her post, where you can see Cole from the back (notice his dark clothing, the same as on one of his post in the profile, which he has already deleted, as well as his position from which the photo of Lili was supposedly taken and it is just in the same place).

You can observe his style of photography and how similar the theme is to the photos from 2017.

You can see the same poppy behind his ear in one of the past stories.

You may have noticed that the photo of Lili is processed with the same effect as several photos in Cole's profile, and I can tell you as an amateur photo editor that it is very identical.

Question: why arrange such a significant photoshoot with your ex after a few weeks of separation? Why is Cole smiling in a photo (black and white one with a mustache and black clothes) probably taken there? Why is everything so secretive if they broke up? Why even post a photo that your ex-boyfriend definitely took? How can you calmly go to this place, which reminds you of your joint travels with your former lover? Therefore, this photo and later another one from there were the first iron arguments in confirming the improvement of things.

 I would like to continue with another ironclad proof.

Lili in early may very fiercely, after a few weeks of Cole's statements about slander and threats, which she did not respond to so clearly at the time, defended Cole and pointed out the private relationship and literally said that people should stop it and even though should hurt and bully her, but not him.

Question: did she defend her ex so publicly? Would Lili talk about a private relationship if that was the way her past relationship was most often? Would she have written anything at all if she didn't care about him and didn't feel something towards him? I don't think so, so it's gibberish to say so (about the break up) when it's the second unquestionable argument.

 Next, we need to talk about the general activity of Cole and Lili in social media. I just want to list some observations, in different order, but it seems like everything we have now:

If earlier it was visible in the posts of Lili that it was clearly a show off, then over time and after the published photos, she began to behave more sincerely and tenderly, began to publish Milo less, began to say that there was only the two of them less, has stopped showing how good she is without certain someone, as if for Cole showing that she could cope without him, which was visible in the posts and stories, she began to talk more about improving her mental health as a result of training, spoke about how later she was feeling better and that she was grateful for those who were with her and difficult times and in light moments, that you just need to live and enjoy.

Additionally, I can say how she shone with each photo, and it was a natural glow of happiness and settling down. She no longer sang sad songs or posted sad songs, on the contrary, posted sexy, funny and relaxed ones. She appeared more in photos taken by paparazzi. She posted sexy, energetic, romantic movies, funny cartoons, watched funny clips, was excited about her project, laughed, danced with her dog, played with a dog with macaroni, cosplayed Willy Wonka (we all have a feeling it’s Cole’s thing, no?), playing with sand, puzzles, posted funny memes in story, which unfortunately coolly accepted as the opposite, posted a poem with a typo and funny answered to a fan who corrected it, told more about poems and attached a photo with a fragment of a poem about love from her upcoming book. She liked some photos from the anniversary of the last episode of the series, where we remember there was a hot scene of her and Cole's character, she liked a Bughead drawing. Yesterday, she actually posted one of the sexiest videos that will not be posted, being single and lonely, we saw that she actually spent more personal time with Cole (I am not saying they weren’t doing t back then), which was investigated thanks to many amazing people here, and even if they don't live together yet, they are more likely to meet and have met with each other, and more hints on sexy times (because, come one, maybe Milo was the one who left a hickey on her neck, huh?), which is undeniable, just compare the fact that she is no longer in the old rental, and he is not in Kj's house, she then posted a photo from some place, which is very similar to where Cole shot a video with Jimmy Fallon.

 He also began to be more active in social networks, exactly after she started posting photos of the Antelope Valley, he posted a series of photos of the kissing couple, even if it was a gay drawings, they were filled with love, there was a photo of him with cattle with the sarcastic caption, then the photo about porn bots, with funny ask to leave him alone and saying it’s not allowed to be horny on quarantine, again a photo of himself with heart eyes that I talked about above, he posted a very funny video recently. There were more photos from the paparazzi after some time when Lili's usually flashed, and then it stopped, then his humorous photo in the washing machine appeared, which she probably had taken, and why so I explained in the attached post, he posted a photo from the walk, which was also probably taken with her, because again, she had a similar location, then he jokingly called Tommy ‘the’ muse, maybe roasting fans, but he didn’t use ‘my’, so, indicating he still has his own muse, then we saw him at that damn party, which caused people's panic, although he is an ordinary person and has the right to relax, and by the way at this party he was very happy and frisky, but nothing bad or shameful happened and he is innocent, then we even saw Cole, after Lili, delete many of the photos, although he had also unarchived some of them several times, as she had, which means that he did not delete them completely, but just removed many of them, leaving the most tender photo after or before the kiss at the famous moment when Lili wanted a toast and eggs at 1 am, or many photos reflecting her body, which also marks not a bad phenomenon, but a simple trolling from them. Proof of this trolling and unarchiving is on the vastness of other blogs and on Twitter, thanks to that girl's video.

 The way their condition and activity on social networks have changed is very noticeable and is also third undeniable fact of denial of the break up. You can compare photos of Cole taken by Alex, where he is clearly very sad and depressed, because it was taken somewhere in the interval of their real breakup. And compare this with his smiling and playful state during the interview with Jimmy, where he also sparkled with happiness and fun, constantly smiling and seemed to be aroused about something (or someone). I think even a newcomer will notice a change in their mood and attitude. You will see the difference. And this does not happen when going through the break up after 4 years of deeply imbued with love relationships. Please understand, damn it.

 I have listed alas not everything that speaks so vividly about things going in the right positive direction and is evidence that everything is getting better again, there will be only more I assure you and you will kiss my ass, as Cole said.

 Execution cannot be pardoned.

 You have one attempt to put a comma and decide your fate, but I think you’ll  fail because you are a total sucker anyway.

 Bye!

[oumakokichi]

Hello I am the Tsumugi love hotel anon Thank you for answering my ask it's great to know that other people have the same problem Sorry if this sounds strange but it's hard for me to enjoy V3 without thinking about this I love Danganronpa and I like Tsumugi but this really really bothered me And I kinda don't want to assume that someone who created a series I like so much is like this I guess as a fan Do you have any advice? So sorry but I have this habit of overthinking things and just want help

Hi again anon! It’s not a strange question at all; this is sadly kind of a common dilemma to run into in most fandom spaces, and it’s perfectly normal to have conflicting feelings about these things.

The best advice I can give is to view everything through a critical lens. By this, I don’t mean “you can’t ever enjoy things casually” or “you have to hate the media you consume in order to be a Good Fan™.” I simply mean that it’s important to be aware that pretty much all media is going to be flawed on some level, and that it’s important to not brush aside those flaws when having a real discussion about the content we enjoy and consume.

Part of the reason why I love meta and analysis so much is precisely because it’s a really good way to sort through some of these more complicated feelings I have on certain topics. For as much as I love DR and as much as it’s been a huge source of enjoyment and comfort to me for quite a few years now, I’m never going to sit here and act like it doesn’t have its fair share of flaws. It’s certainly not for everyone, and I can completely understand why some people may not like it.

There’s a very fine line when discussing media too, between raising awareness that all media and content we consume is inherently flawed in some way, and simply dismissing it as okay because “well, everything is problematic in some way so it doesn’t matter.” These things do matter, and I feel like discussion of them is a very important part of critical analysis, especially when it raises awareness of potentially upsetting subject matter to people who may have been unaware of it before.

The entire love hotel scene with Tsumugi is undeniably in extremely poor taste, particularly when incest is a very real and terrible form of abuse that real survivors have suffered through. Seeing it used for nothing more than skeevy fanservice to pander to an otaku audience is deeply upsetting, particularly coming from a game that explicitly touches on the ways in which fiction can and does impact reality in very real, tangible ways.

It doesn’t help that the love hotel scenes themselves hang in a weird sort of limbo as far as their role in the game goes, either. There’s been a lot of debate in the fandom as to whether these scenes can even be considered “canon” on any level—and even if they’re not technically canon, which I think is a fair assessment given that none of the other characters even remember them after waking up and they have no real lasting impact on the plot, the decision to include them at all is still gross on some level.

In my personal opinion, the best way to determine how comfortable you are continuing to support a series or not, is to try and gauge authorial intent: why are these topics or themes included in this piece of media? What purpose do they serve? Are they contributing to a larger narrative by being included here?

To take a topical example… let’s compare this with Harry Potter. DR certainly has its flaws, and ndrv3 is no exception. Not only are certain unsavory “tropes” like incest played as either a punchline or a tool for fanservice, but even earlier parts of the series don’t hold up particularly well (like Chihiro’s “gender reveal”). These things are definitely not enjoyable parts of the narrative—but their presence in the narrative seems to stem from a larger issue of fanservice tropes in visual novels and anime overall, rather than some overarching attempt to either demonize any marginalized group or normalize harmful behavior in real life.

By contrast, through watching JK Rowling’s downward spiral on twitter in the last few years, we’ve seen her become more and more brazen about her hatred of trans people, and trans women in particular. Though she often attempted to brush these tweets aside at first as “middle-aged moments” or “accidents” where she wasn’t aware of the content being spouted by the people she was following, she’s become perhaps one of the most unapologetic T*RFs in the public consciousness.

No matter how much a series like Harry Potter may have shaped my and many other people’s childhoods in the past, it’s really impossible for me to go back to it nowadays as a trans individual. Re-reading the series with a much more critical eye shows that many of Rowling’s most harmful, offensive beliefs are not only something she spews on twitter every other month, but also downright woven into the narrative. Lines about “boys pretending to be girls to try and sneak into the dormitories” and Rita Skeeter’s “rather large, mannish hands” while she “disguises herself” to infiltrate the school premises just hit differently, knowing Rowling’s stance on trans issues and the disgusting harm that she advocates for with her huge platform.

I suppose that’s the biggest line I try to be aware of in deciding where I draw the line between enjoying a series while remaining critical of it, and just flat out refusing to support said series anymore. This line is understandably going to be different for different people, no doubt—but I think being mindful of what creators are actually doing with their platforms is the biggest indicator about the potential intentions behind their works.

The only other piece of advice I can think of to offer, and perhaps the most important one, is to simply support small creators with all the enthusiasm and love that you would for a large series. As long as we maintain a critical eye and awareness about the flaws within popular works like Danganronpa, I think it’s okay to keep enjoying said works. But there are so many content creators out there trying to contribute all kinds of meaningful works with better representation than anything we’ve seen in mainstream media, and it’s incredibly important to support these people so that their works can become better-known.

My best recommendation is to make sure you’re striving to support these smaller content creators: especially black artists and trans artists, who often get overlooked even when hashtags on twitter to support smaller artists are trending.

This sort of became a lengthier response than I was intending, but I felt your question deserved more of an in-depth look at the topic. I hope I was able to get my points across! Thank you for the question anon, and I really hope I could help.

[blackjack-15]

Leavin’ on a Jet Pack — Thoughts on: The Haunting of Castle Malloy (HAU)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. Like with all of the Odd Games, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I go into what makes this game stand out as a little strange.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: HAU, mention of DAN.

The Intro:

Yup, this is the jetpack banshee game.

Honestly, that’s probably the best introduction to this game. It’s semi-famous among the fandom for just being balls-to-the-wall nuts, and for good reason; while HAU isn’t quite as confused as some of the other Odd games, it’s definitely less organized, and there’s very little story to tell here.

And the story that is there? Well, we’ll cover that in The Weird Stuff.

The Haunting of Castle Malloy falls near the end of the Odd Games, and honestly it more than deserves its place. Sure, we’re in a different, ‘exotic’ location like…well, most of the Odd Games, but it’s not like it really matters, as Nancy sees very little of Ireland. A car drive, a brief interlude outside of a pub, and the weirdest outside interface ever seen in a Nancy Drew game (even being reused in the next game briefly), and for all of that we might as well be in the Florida swamps.

Let’s not even mention the teetotaler pub. The less said about that, the less silly that this game comes off. Everyone in Ireland drinks a tall, frothy cup of Juice when they want to relax.

Sigh. Honestly, HER. Just skip the pub entirely.

HAU is also a game that tries to contextualize itself in Nancy’s past, but doesn’t do a very good job about it. It’s not inside reference-y like Secret of the Old Clock, but it’s also not grounded in character like…well, all of the Nancy games (ASH through SPY). It just springs in the ‘hey remember this character you’ve never heard about nor had referenced because we made her up whole cloth for this game’ little mechanic and tries to whisk the player away with it.

Consider me unwhisked.

And maybe that’s the biggest problem – or rather, the biggest signifier – of The Haunting of Castle Malloy: it relies on whirling the player away in the Sights and Sounds and Juices of Ye Olde Greene Eire, but instead…well, it doesn’t have the power to whirl the player. It doesn’t even have the body to muss the player’s hair when the wind comes around.

HAU is very little like its source material; in fact, really the only thing that the book and game have in common is that they’re both set in Ireland, and that the mystery involves Nancy’s friends. Sure, in the book it’s Bess and George, rather than an obscure, hitherto-unknown exchange student, but since there’s nothing else, we’ll give them points for it.

The majority of this meta (and the majority of this game) falls under the weird stuff designation, so let’s pop on over and talk about what makes HAU truly odd.

The Weird Stuff:

The entire premise of this game isn’t too far off the mark of normal – Nancy’s summoned to help a family friend, which is the case for quite a few Nancy Drew games (more than the opposite, I believe, at this point in the series) — but it does stand out a bit that she’s going to be in a wedding as a maid of honor.

While I could see it for Bess/George, Hannah (which would be fun) or Ned (which is my personal headcanon), it’s a bit odd that this is a character we’ve never heard of who considers Nancy her closest female acquaintance. You’re telling me Kyler got through elementary, middle, high, and University without making a single friend other than the weird little kid she knew while studying in River Heights?

That’s weird enough to get a section by itself, but it’s not even scraping the surface of this game.

Going deeper, our predominant theme/conflict/effery in this game is a convoluted love triangle between the bride, groom, and their best friend (who for some reason isn’t involved with like anything with the wedding, regardless of the fact that he should be doing at least as much as Nancy is doing, and possibly more since he’s an actual friend of the couple), with Kit still being in love with Kyler (for some unimaginable reason) yet friends with Matt. Kit, notably, doesn’t really do anything about it, but just having that plotline being our main thread is a super weird choice, honestly.

This is also a story about marriage troubles; sure, they haven’t officially tied the knot yet, but the fact that Kyler thinks that her fiancé disappearing the night before their wedding is a “classic Matt prank” and not either something deeply worrying or a sign that he’s too immature for a commitment is a Huge Yikes.

Best case scenario and he’s playing a prank…does he think people won’t take this as a bad sign, that early-arriving guests won’t freak out, that this won’t cause any problems?

And worst case, he’s been kidnapped (the truth of course being even dumber than that), and the first 48 hours after a kidnapping are the most crucial, meaning that Kyler’s inaction could result in a death that didn’t have to happen on her watch.

What I think HER really didn’t think about was the implications of this setup. Either way, it doesn’t just look bad for Matt and/or Kyler (to say nothing of Kit), it looks bad for their future.

We have no faith that these two are actually interested in each other, let alone in love and committed to this relationship. Nancy, famously deaf to emotions like this, doesn’t really make any comments about how this bodes ill, but the player is bound to think that something’s not quite right if these two people are so mismatched.

In a slightly less uncommon theme for the Nancy Drew series, this is also a game about unrequited love. Let’s face it, for the majority of the game the only suspect really is Kit, since Donal isn’t big enough to kidnap Matt, and it’s a Nancy Drew game, so Matt definitely isn’t out there playing a very poorly timed prank on his bride to be. Kit even has suspicious documents (the land drawings) and such that add up to him wanting Matt out of the way, even without his unrequited love schtick with Kyler.

Honestly, how two people were in love with that chick is just…it boggles the mind, honestly. What is appealing at all about Kyler? Her weird hair? The fact that it looks like she’s wearing a green dress the whole game only to have it be pants? Her bland personality? Awful voice? The way she looks in the weird photographs in the game?

Sorry for the digression, but I am struggling here.

The last section within this section will talk about the thing that’s by far the oddest conceptionally in this game – the banshee/jetpack storyline. Most of the time when it’s a folk/faerie story in these games, it turns out to be not true, and that’s still the case here. To have it not be a banshee, but instead be a senile, badly mentally damaged old woman flying around on a jetpack from World War II, on the other hand…that stretches the limits of believability to where it would have been better to just have it be a banshee.

Fiona and her backstory and her jetpack are pretty much the oddest pieces, with none of them actually fitting into the larger themes of the story. Our backstory in this game — WWII Ireland and its scientific achievements — isn’t integrated at all with the present day, dethroning previous WWII-focused backstory game Danger by Design for ‘least related backstory’ award, and it’s not justified at all within the story or characters either.

The Title:

As far as titles go, “The Haunting of Castle Malloy” isn’t bad at all; it’s fairly standard, slightly pulpy Nancy Drew fare, and certainly better than the title of its book inspiration (“The Bike Tour Mystery”, so named because Nancy et al go on a bike tour in the book). It tells you the “what” (haunting) and “where” (Castle Malloy), and is fairly evocative.

I really just have a problem with it being the title of this game. Not only is the Castle not really relevant — sure, it’s where the game takes place, but it’s not important to the game outside a conversation or two — within the story, but the game doesn’t really pull off the ‘haunting’ side either. It’s established pretty early on that there are weird lights and sounds, but that’s about it.

If you want to keep the location, “The Banshee of Castle Malloy” I feel like would have been a better choice, as it tells us right away we’re dealing with Irish mythology, and shows it’s supposed to be a Haunting game (no matter how poorly it pulls that off) without any excess fuss. It’s also a little more specific, which is generally a good move to make the title more interesting — like how “The Shadow in the Fog” is better than just “The Shadow” as a title.

HAU’s title seems to be solidly in the middle of Nancy Drew titles, so there’s not much more to say about it. Let’s move on to the mystery it somewhat, but not completely, speaks of.

The Mystery:

Nancy’s been summoned overseas again, but this time it’s for pleasure, rather than business. An exchange student that Nancy and Carson housed for a few months is getting married, and wants Nancy to be her maid of honor.

And no, I have no idea why Carson wasn’t invited. Way to snub the man who fed and housed you, but invite his daughter (who was 14 at the time Kyler knew her) to hold one of the most important places in the wedding.

Anyway, by the time Nancy arrives — the night before the wedding; bad form Nancy — the groom — Matt Simmons — is missing, which Kyler suspects is a practical joke (as Matt has a reputation for pulling pranks) and Donal, the caretaker of the Castle, thinks is a sign of being kidnapped by faeries for the crime of being English and marrying an Irishwoman.

Out of the many crimes of the English, I don’t think this one ranks enough with the Fae to merit a stepping-in, but hey, what do I know about crudely-drawn stereotypes in a HER game. I’m sure they did all of the possible research, talked to experts about Irish mythology, spent about 5 minutes on the Wikipedia article for “banshee”…at least one of those.

The only other person on the Castle grounds is Kit Foley, Matt and Kyler’s friend — and Kyler’s unrequited admirer. A land developer, he’s literally the most suspicious person at the castle by being the only one actually in the castle and by holding the (honestly reasonable) opinion that Matt just got cold feet and left.

Once Nancy finds Matt’s broken glasses and Kyler mentions that he’s blind without them, however, the race is on to find Matt — who definitely couldn’t have broken a spare/fake pair of glasses as part of the prank, shush you — before the wedding the next day. What should have been a grueling search takes an hour or so, and they find out that he accidentally fell in a secret passage and got trapped there, being fed carrots and potatoes by the resident crazy woman like he was a blind, helpless rabbit.

Yeah.

As a mystery…I mean, is this even a mystery??? What honestly went on in the pitch room that day? “We’re gonna write about fidelity, unrequited love, the stress of a wedding, a friendless woman who invites an 18-year-old because she never made any friends…and a crazy old woman with ties to World War II. And a jetpack.”

I don’t even know how I would begin to rate this mystery. Bad? Because that’s honestly the word that comes to mind. I’m never a fan of “oh it was all a Hilarious accident, ho ho ho” endings to mysteries, and this one is worse than most. Nothing follows, the backstory is such a non-entity it really doesn’t bear spelling out, and the characters aren’t even a little likable. This section could delve into each problem with the mystery but, honestly, that sounds exhausting and I’m gonna go over the bigger points below anyway, so let’s get to the clowns that make up this circus.

The Suspects:

Beginning with Kyler Mallory, our bride to be who, for some reason, has her hair and tiara done the night before the wedding — I guess she’s not planning on sleeping? — is searching for her prankster groom to “teach him a lesson” and so he knows that once they’re married, “no more pranks ever”.

Sounds like she loves him dearly and wouldn’t change a thing, huh. If that wasn’t worrying enough, she’s not super fussed that he’s disappeared the night before their wedding, and considers it a “Classic Matt” sort of thing to do.

As a culprit – man that would have been a dark turn, to have her kidnap/hide away Matt to teach him a lesson about not pulling pranks. It, of course, would have made a friendly acquaintance of Nancy’s into a bad guy, and that’s a huge No-No for HER, but it would have been kinda cool all the same.

Kyler’s groom is Matt Simmons, an Englishman who is decidedly unwelcome in Ireland (at least, according to Donal) and who has a strong reputation for being a little too heavy on the pranks — so much so that when he disappears, his own fiancée just thinks it’s another prank. To be fair to her, he did disappear while pulling a very sad little prank on her, so she wasn’t entirely off base.

As a culprit…how would that even work? That would be like FIN’s Maya kidnapping herself for no purpose whatsoever. Matt isn’t really given any character beats other than “prankster” and “fed like a rabbit”, so there’s really not much to speculate on here. I do wonder what Kyler sees in him…but then again, I also wonder what he (and Kit) see in Kyler, so we have that as well.

Next up is the couple’s friend Kit Foley, who’s sporting an enormous shiner to the wedding courtesy of a wayward branch (and a bit of karma) that smacked him while he and Matt were pranking Donal. He’s in love with Kyler (why????) but seems happy enough for his friends, and is of the opinion that Matt simply got cold feet and left.

Not sure why you’d be friends with someone who’d do that, but no one in this game has any character at all, so we’ll blow past it.

A land developer, Kit is basically the only suspect and yet a terrible suspect at the same time. Sure, he’s in love with Kyler (again, why???), but he also doesn’t really gain anything from them not getting married, just like he doesn’t gain anything from them getting married. I never thought I’d see the day where a brooding best friend is so…unaffected by the marriage of his long-time crush, but that just goes to show you how little depth even Kit — who somehow has the most depth of any character — really has.

Finally, Donal Delaney is the caretaker of Castle Malloy, and a firm believer in the Fae. He’s also really the only Irishman in the cast, which isn’t a great look for HER. He thinks that the Fae have taken Matt in return for being in Ireland and sleeping in the old nursery room in the castle, and is easily frightened.

Seriously, that’s his whole character.

As a culprit…as much as Donal is grumpy, he’s not really any sort of entity as a suspect. He hangs out at the pub, drinks fruit juice, and talks about the Fae, and that’s the extent of his involvement in the plot. The most importance he gets is inadvertently being the source of Kit’s black eye, and that’s so tertiary to the plot that it might as well not be there.

The Favorite:

Even though this game is, by all accounts, a ridiculous non-entity, there are a small amount of things that I do like.

I’m actually a fan of the opening sequence; it’s like a better version of CUR’s opening, has Nancy crashing her car (always fun) while telling Ned she’s not gonna crash (even more fun), and she doesn’t show up right away at the castle. Honestly, the first about 10 minutes of the game are actually solid, and more fun than the rest of the game as a whole. So that probably qualifies as my favorite moment in the game, spliced with the revelation that Matt has been subsisting on raw carrots and potatoes, which is just…honestly unimaginably funny.

My favorite puzzle is the seating chart for the wedding. Veterans of this meta series (all 5 of you) will know that my favorite types of puzzles are word and logic puzzles, and this is a great logic puzzle. I honestly could have done an hour of that puzzle and been happy as a clam. It really stands out as, well, the only fun I had during the majority of the game, but it was honest fun.

The Un-Favorite:

And then, on the other hand…

There’s a lot about this game that isn’t great, but almost none of it do I hate; there’s just not enough effort for me to hate it.

Except the background setting.

Having already done WWII as a backstory, HER really should have thought twice about returning to it only five games later. With Brendan Malloy developing fuel for armored vehicles, only stopped by it exploding in his (and everyone’s) faces in 1944…honestly, there’s no reason that this game’s backstory should take place in World War II, other than to have a reasonable chance of Fiona still being alive. It also makes it seem like ‘oh the War really didn’t touch Ireland that much hahahaha” which isn’t a great look either.

Honestly, HER’s treatment of Ireland is pretty ‘un-favorite’ here, but since HER never really does a good job handling any country (or most states outside the Pacific Northwest), it’d be fairly pointless to begin talking about it at length now.

My least favorite moment is probably the reveal of the culprit/mystery at the end; it’ so anti-climactic, honestly, and only comes after much struggle through two very stupid puzzles. It doesn’t give any meaning to the game, no one learns any lessons, and — probably unpopular opinion here — it probably would have been better for everyone involved (including Fiona) if Fiona would have died in that explosion 60+ years ago.

My least favorite puzzle would actually be the two puzzles at the very end — the chemicals and the rocket ship. The chemical puzzle is the worst offender, but both are pointless, do nothing for the story, and really feel like they’re there because Nancy Drew games have to have a puzzle at the very end. Putting something into a game because you ‘have’ to is never good, and this is a prime example of how annoying that obligation can truly be.

The Fix:

So how would I fix The Haunting of Castle Malloy?

The first thing I’d say is that, despite the games in the Nancy Drew series often containing one, I don’t really think the HAU needs a historical backstory. If you must give something to the Castle and the explosion, set it back in World War I, which would at least be something different.

But honestly, it’d be better to just get rid of it entirely. It’s old, it’s a castle, it’s in ruins, move on. The present has enough potential for drama without mucking up the past.

The second thing I would do is to take out Fiona entirely. Sure, still have the legend of the banshee going around the area, but it’s all things that are (mostly) easily explained, like in most haunting games. Figures in the fog? That’s just grounds crew who have been working for months to prep the site for the wedding. Strange lights? Well, yeah, the castle wouldn’t be wired for electricity if it’s been abandoned, so the workers have to bring in their own lights. Screaming noises? That’s just pre-marital jitters. Or something; you get my point.

As in all haunting games, have one or two unexplained things to suggest that the banshee actually was real, mourning the “death” of the last Malloy — because Kyler’s taking Matt’s name, or some other such nonsense. The sad thing is that it doesn’t really matter; anything that adds meat to the story would be an improvement on such a nothingburger of a game.

I would also bring in Alan, the best man, as more than a phone contact. Let’s face it, only having Kit and Donal as suspects (as Matt’s gone and Kyler doesn’t even pretend to count for a second) is really stupid, and this game needs some more detail and at least an hour more of playtime that doesn’t just involve getting lost in the bog.

Bring in Alan who is confused as to why he was chosen as best man, but suspects it’s because Kyler also has feelings for Kit and thus didn’t want Matt to choose him to be the Best Man (in other words, take out the weird social climbing angle). It would take a subtle hand, but I actually wouldn’t mind Alan having a bit of a thing for Matt himself, just to re-emphasize the “love is like an Egyptian painting; everyone is looking at the back of someone’s head” sort of theme we’ve got going on in this game.

The last thing I’d do is to bring Ned in, and have him be in the car with Nancy on their way. Think of it; usually wedding guests get a plus one; it would be a good excuse for Nancy to ask Ned out rather than leaving him behind as per usual, and Ned would probably be able to relate to Kit/Alan better than Nancy can, on account of Ned having actual emotional intelligence.

I wouldn’t say to have him be player-controlled, but I think Ned hanging around the castle, trying to help out with the emotional snarl that the guys have gotten themselves into (with Nancy focusing more on Donal and Kyler) would not only be in character, but would be a great way to make room for some emotional depth — something that Nancy herself, if not the games, usually skirts around or ignores entirely.

Would these changes fix the game completely and make it a winner? No, I don’t think so. I think the game is too structurally weak to really ever rise above mid-level, and possibly not even lower mid-level. But I think, along with some sprucing up of motivations and puzzles, these changes could help make HAU better than it is — and that’s worth it, no matter if it makes it into the Top 10 Nancy Drew Games list or not.