#no one puts lesbians in anything anymore? i guess yeah but i am not sure if this gag is helping

[neverheardnothing]

took a dangerous day trip 😱

[reorientation]

I'm very late to this kink but I think I've been in it for years? Not even on purpose.

I live with my roommates, me and my three guy friends 💗 which is funny because it just worked out that way. Anyway, years ago I went through this awful break up and we'll just leave at that. I was crazy about this girl and it like actually messed me up when she broke up with me. So in a really weird mental space but just trying to move on from it, I keep getting crazy drunk with my friends, partying through the pain lol

One in particular, we're pretty tight, I'll call him Zach here. So Zach and I were really close at that time, like really really close, and one night we start doing kind of sexual stuff while really drunk. This wasn't a thing between us at all before that night and I can't remember exactly what lead to it, but yeah we're doing some fool around stuff and then more and then more. I'd never done stuff with guys really, not beyond little party game things, like spin the bottle. He knew that and at one point that night he put it inside me and to be honest I wasn't sure what to think.

I remember at the time wondering if I should stop him or something? I don't know it's kind of funny to think about now, but I was thinking maybe he shouldn't do this, maybe I need to tell him this is too much? It felt really weird and I guess I didn't know if it was in a good way or a bad way yet. But he was saying things like "I can't believe you're letting me do this" and "you're letting me ruin you" and it was so hot that I let him fuck me. Those things he was saying were making me so wet and I guess that's this kink.

He never says that stuff anymore I just remember that being the point where my mind just silenced all the "should I tell him not to?" thoughts and it just went blank while he fucked me. It wasn't crazy good sex, we were really drunk, but it was hot and it was very different from what I was used to.

So all and all this made my other friends jealous because both of us told them. At the time it was really odd! No one saw it coming! So they all wanted a turn lol and I had told them that I found it weirdly hot so of course they both wanted to prove something. Okay one of them, we'll call Tom, wouldn't say that but it's kind of true.

Anyway all three of them got their chance and it just became a thing that would happen pretty frequently. Maybe a few times a week? I'm a very horny person so being single has always been hard on me and on top of that I'm an attention whore. I wouldn't say I'm not a lesbian because I'm still not attracted to men but I am definitely a big enough attention whore that it doesn't matter lol I just like that they all need to get with me.

So over the years this arrangement has been a thing I guess, when I'm single they can just fuck me whenever because my libido is really high. They don't talk about me being a lesbian while we fuck but I notice every once in awhile I find it kind of hot that they might think about getting to fuck a lesbian yknow like they think it might change something? I think about how Zach said that stuff and it still makes me wet, I think I should bring it up to him maybe? But that might be weird.

One of the really juicy things that happened recently was that Tom fucked me really hard. Tom has always been a very sweet kind of guy and he definitely is that guy in bed, but he also hasn't been fucking me at all for the past... five months maybe because he has a serious girlfriend. But a few weeks ago he came home and we were chilling and he got very intense and held me down and fucked me really hard from behind. Like toe curling hard. It was so hot and I had already found this kink so I kept thinking about it as like him trying to "break" me.

He hasn't done anything with me since but I wish they would get in on this kink without me saying anything. I feel like I can't say it because it'd be embarrassing and weird, but it'd also kind of ruin it to ask for it? Or maybe it'd just turn my brain off again when they actually said something and it wouldn't matter?

What a pure, sweet example of lesbian sexuality: a girl who's been maximum-convenience, any-time-you-want pussy for three different men for years, but "wouldn't say that I'm not a lesbian because I'm still not attracted to men".

As if it matters! As if your little categorization criterion means anything when you spend your life taking cock whenever men decide you will!

The very first time a man fucked you, he said the right words to get your mind blank and your pussy wet - and now it's years later, and you've been fucked hundreds of times.

And the funny thing is, they don't even have to earn it by playing with the dykebreaking kink. That's your idea, that you use to get off, and you're hoping that they'll indulge you in it. Countless guys get off to the idea, but I don't know if it even really occurs to the men fucking you anymore: how do you see a girl as a lesbian when you and your buddies have been emptying your balls in her for years?

But if you're too shy to ask them to think of you that way, the solution is easy enough. Have you ever spread your legs for them on top of a lesbian flag? Worn a "This is what a lesbian looks like" shirt until they took it off?

Just remind them what you claim to be, as you keep being a good fucktoy for them. With any luck, they'll laugh at you for it, as they fuck your little "lesbian" brains out.

[forgottenspring]

A whole new level to being the supposedly "closeted" gay cousin at Thanksgiving. I know this may not get notes/views, but I was reminded of this today. So I wanted to share a wild "Me the Gay Cousin at Thanksgiving" story from two years ago that felt right out of a 90s sit com special episode.

Since I'm spending this Thanksgiving chilling with a friend instead, I realized yall might like to hear this story.

In my family my sister and I are the only two of our age. The rest of the cousins are MUCH young than us. Us being young adults and our cousins being lil gremlin preteen boys. We're talking like 10 boys overall and our two lil bros, and two newly not toddler girls at the time.

So bc of this my sister and I always sit at the kids table bc our uncles and aunts didn't want us excluded and feeling we couldn't be kids. (I am now 25 turning 26 for context, so I was about 23).

So, I know my family is highly religious and horribly homophobic/transphobic. So lil pagan nonbinary lesbian cupio aroace me has been squeaking by bc I've been holding my tongue and refusing to date in Utah around family for years in the past. Unless it was a group date with friends and the guy asked me out.

So imagine my shock when me and my lil bros and dude cousins are chilling on the floor playing a board game (my sister was at a friend's house that year) bc I don't want to hear the adults say anything that will rile me up bc I really don't want to be outed this year.

And right after I finish my turn, my kid cousin slides over a whiteboard and I look down and freeze in shock. It says "R U Gay?" And I'm knowing his parents are especially homophobic. And what I was afraid of AKA I'm out of the closet and tired, I wrote "Yes" and turned back to the game. He froze and squeaked out a "What!?" And he whispers back to me asking if it's true, as if I just admitted I was insane. And I shrug, trying to play it cool as I realize suddenly the ramifications of it and freaking out now bc he's a blabbermouth. I see both my brothers make eye contact to make sure I'm okay, which I nod to them. I then whisper back to my cousin and go "Yeah" and he tells me that's wrong bc nobody's gay and if they are they're evil, it's a joke you ask ppl in school. And I realize I have to walk this back immediately before my aunt and uncle are told and I'm outed on Thanksgiving and I haven't even come out to my dad yet.

So I shrug tell him I know a lot of people at school who are gay and they're really sweet people. And lie and tell him I'm not gay that I was just playing into the joke. He seems shocked that gay people exist and I know them. But finally after a bit he nods thinking nothing of it, but at least he's cooler about the gay topic I guess and I just survived.

I go downstairs where the adults are hanging bc the boys are running around in the snow and I'm wanting to try being with the adults, since I am one, for a minute. And to nobody's shock after a bit of joking around and stuff, my dad, aunts, uncles, and grandma are raving about "These people nowadays pushing their politics and gay agenda." I don't know how to react, so after a few minutes, I turn around and go back upstairs realizing what could have happened that night.

Luckily I came out later on to my dad and my siblings have already known for years so I felt less bad. But overall it really felt odd when I was put on the spot like that and then hearing my family talk like that. Like-... It felt like something you hear about on TV shows and go "That's such a contrived scene that doesn't happen in real life." And in that moment I was processing the whole scenario and less if I wanted to come out or not.

So anyways probs going to avoid Thanksgiving moving forward for multiple reasons, but mainly for the fact that I can't stay in the closet anymore bc I've been out for too long and I WILL get into arguments over gay/trans rights without thinking bc I'm tired and bad at staying in the closet. And the few ppl in my family who know other than my sibs have reacted oddly to horribly. And I really would prefer not being ostracized from the family whose already pretty sure I'm somehow gay bc I didn't pray enough or something rn bc I'm tired and in an unstable place that if I need to stay with a relative I'd like not for it to be being hate crimed 24/7. But I live in a different state than my family now and much better for it.

I have a good group of friends that are family to me now and I know I'll be okay. And I'm happy and living my best life rn and enjoy every day I'm being myself around ppl who accept and love me. But it still hurts to think about some days y'know.

TLDR: My preteen cousin asked on a whiteboard "R U GAY?" two years ago and I nearly outed myself on Thanksgiving to my religious homophobic family, bc I didn't realize he was doing a middle school prank.

[chipped-chimera]

So since the fates decided not to give me a idk ... big gay aunt to guide me along with my sexuality realisation, I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. I'm 30 and I went off the dating market back when meeting someone online to date was considered 'novel'. Idk how the fuck to use dating apps.

So I guess I'll throw this cry for help to you, people who follow my blog apparently, in the case you have some insight? More deets below the cut oh god help me

Okay so basically - I think I am (somewhat hesitantly) ready to start looking at dating apps. I've kind of hit a point in my self-work where I think I could actually handle rejection - which was the entire reason I was holding off in the first place. Because I know I have a lot of potential "deal breakers" to contend with, getting to this point was my bare minimum.

So aside from the obvious I-have-never-used-a-dating-app-in-my-life problem, I guess my other problems are the following:

Do I disclose I am disabled on my profile? My disability is technically 'invisible' and while I absolutely could go hang out with someone at a bar or whatever it WILL knock me out for like ... two days. Especially right now where I haven't really done any big social-ey shit in a while. Idk how else I can explain that I will absolutely still want to do things with someone, I just have the energy habits of a house cat (sure I don't say nap every day anymore but sometimes I really just gotta lie in the dark ... Yeah :C )

Disability also kind of explains all the other deal breaker shit. I won't go into that. Aside from the obvious 'money ain't great' and I cannot avoid interdependence. Like I am still recovering and hoping for the best but I don't know what the end of this shit looks like. I know there is going to be permanent damage. But I also am not gonna bench myself until I'm 'well' (also because I'm touch starved and THIRTY).

Ugh, photos. Due to disability reasons (see I told you it explains everything) my irl social circle died years ago because I could just not keep up and I've had the photographic record of a cryptid for the past ten years. So now I have to basically go TAKE photos and it feels very forced. But I'm also aware apps are really visual, so idk - ideas? Tips?

Is there some obvious Lesbian space I'm missing? Am I missing the lesbian bat signal? I've joined Facebook groups for my city but they're quiet and tend to be populated by much older people (did I mention I hate Facebook?) Also apparently queer scene is kinda sucky in my city at the moment because one of our two gay bars changed ownership and it may as well just be a regular bar now. For the moment I've just been hanging out on Reddits to feel somewhat connected but it doesn't really help my irl situation and lack of social anything.

Yeah I am not selling myself here but I'd rather be honest early on and make sure anyone who isn't cut out for it or emotionally mature enough to handle that I have baggage (well treated baggage!) Is filtered out. But I also feel like putting disability right on my profile could result in a knee jerk reaction which would prevent them from even trying to get to know me. Like I do feel I have some really appealing things about me that I'm happy about, and I do think offset the bad - I've just had a rough time of it.

Augh idk. I'm lonely. And very confused. Anyways any kind of advice or insight would be highly appreciated 🥺

[dogfags]

i think my life would be better if I didn't mind they/them being used on me but it quite honestly feels like an insult sometimes when people assume those are my pronouns or they think I look weird and androgynous so they default to those. I know I am weird and androgynous but it's just annoying to have to be like no I'm just.. a man. when I have put so much effort into passing and going stealth. and for sure even tho I'm just a man I have some weird nonbinary feelings as well. bc I'm trans and being "binary trans" doesn't mean u don't have a complicated relationship with gender or experience a bit of gender queerness. I mean I identified and lived as a lesbian for several years of my life so ofc a part of that is ingrained in me. idk, I kind of wish more people would look at gender as something you do rather than something you innately are. I don't think I innately am anything. I think I used to live as a girl and now I live as a man. maybe that makes me nonbinary or maybe that just makes me a normal person. idk. a lot of the trans narratives that have been popularized by the media are just so unrelatable to me I almost don't consider myself the same thing as them. I don't think I transitioned bc I was a boy born into a girl's body I think I transitioned bc I'd just rather live as a man and so I am. of course I also have debilitating dysphoria but yk. I don't think I was "born this way" and I didn't show any signs as a child or even give my gender a second thought until I was older. I got a taste of female puberty and was like nah I'd rather opt out of this whole woman thing. so I did. and now I'm a man. it's that simple to me idk.

but yeah if I liked he/they I think it would make my life better bc then I wouldn't be like. dysphoric and offended when ppl would default to they for me simply bc I have green hair. I don't even dress femininely almost ever it's just the hair I think lmao. or bc my name is gender neutral. I guess I am androgynous in the face also. I do not have a chiseled jawline although I do have a mustache and it is pretty dark now. idkkkkk man

I've lived so many lives already in just this one that idk how to classify myself anymore. I've been every letter of the LGBT and dated/fucked someone of every gender and sexuality lmao. but I still think it's kinda annoying when ppl deny my masculinity or maleness upon seeing me and default to they/them when I Try So Hard to pass. obviously it's not their fault, they've been told it's rude to assume anyone's pronouns and I am fully self aware of the way I look and come off. I almost feel like I can't even correct people when they call me they bc I know they're just trying to be.. nice or something. like how would I even go about correcting that, "thanks for the consideration but I am in fact just a man" ???

I think in terms of gender identity I can get behind the vibes of he/they being used for me in theory, but in practice it makes me feel like a freak. it's like a glaring neon sign that's like, you look WEIRD and idk what you are bc you're WEIRD. I know this shit wouldn't happen if I was cis and presented exactly the same as I do now. I feel extremely vulnerable and almost outed when people call me they. like it tells everyone in the room that I'm Different. and despite the fact I dye my hair crazy colors and have 7 facial piercings and stretched ears I actually do not want to stick out. I just love the alternative look. but I don't want attention drawn to me. I don't want people to look at or talk to me. it's a struggle I've had my entire life. id much rather blend in than stand out but literally everybody knows who I am and my name bc I just have an appearance that is so jarring. ugh.

I even had my instructor for some reason "correct" himself on my pronouns, he literally got it right the first time then went "er, they-" like ??? come on man. when have I ever told anyone I want to go by they here??? is the mustache not enough?? do I have to grow out my patchy ass stubble as well??? for a split second sometimes I think about going by he/they and then I am called they in real life and cringe so hard. rahhh.

[blackbird-brewster]

Do you think that jemily could have been Canon? I think back to season 3 how the writers put them in situations like (you.kids.i can see it). What do you think about it?

'Could' have been canon? Sure, I think anything 'could' have been. There was always subtext between JJ/Emily and that played out over the entire course of the show. I think fans (sapphic people especially) have psychoanalysed every single second JJ/Emily shared screen time in the 15 years the show ran and I think we (sapphic folks) will ALWAYS say 'damn Jemily really did happen' (because we want it to be true) But logically, honestly, Jemily was never canon (nor do I think it ever will be). Because the thing about LOOKING for queer subtext as a queer person is....you will always find it or you will create it. There are tons of scenes where I jokingly say 'No heterosexual explanation for this' but that's because I'm queer and I'm biased and I am looking for Jemily, so OF COURSE I see Jemily. (Does that make sense?) Now if you're asking if they ever would become canon. No. I don't believe for a single second that's ever going to happen. Which actually brings to me to something I've been thinking a lot about since Tara was confirmed queer. So many fans are saying 'Oh why wasn't Emily confirmed queer?' or 'Emily's turn next!' and I don't know how else to say this but, I wouldn't hold your breath. I don't think Emily will ever be confirmed queer for a few reasons.

Many people take that little trivia bit 'Emily was supposed to wake up with a woman in her bed' which was leaked in an interview by Kirsten in 2015 and use it as confirmation that Emily IS queer. Ever since then, people have doubled down on analysing every single thing Emily has ever done, looking for queer subtext. (Me included) But here's the thing, just because in one early version of the show, Emily was supposed to sleep with a woman DOES NOT mean there's automatic queerness hiding in Emily. People will say 'oh well the costuming department knew and purposely dressed her like that, 'Paget knew and purposely played Emily like that', 'The writers knew and purposely hid queer subtext in there' None of that seems logical or real, imo. For all we know this mythical scene was just an idea tossed around in a writers room. We don't even know who all knew about it at all, OR when it got nixed (as in, how far down the pipeline did the idea get pulled bc there's a huge difference in this scene being in ONE draft vs this scene getting filmed and cut in editing. We literally have NO further context) Yeah, I talk about Emily being a lesbian all the time, but I need people to understand the difference in head canons/fanon and canon. Canon Emily isn't queer. Nor has she ever been. (Not unless the show explicitly has Emily come out)

Speaking of the infamous AfterEllen interview, SO SO many people say 'Oh well now that it's streaming we can finally have queer Emily! The only reason they never did it before was because of CBS and because that was way back in the early 00s' Again, the interview was in 2015. Kirsten says 'Back when Paget was on the show' which means prior to 2011....but we don't actually know WHEN this scene was supposed to happen. It could have been ANYTIME between S2 (2006) - S7 (2011) For the sake of argument let's say this scene was supposed to happen in S2 when Emily first joined the team. Sure, that WAS back in the early 00s....but this show ran UNTIL 2020. If the reason they couldn't make Emily queer was because 'It was back in 2006 and it was too taboo' well guess what? They had fourteen seasons of the show where they could have made her queer, considering how many main-stream shows have queer characters now. 'It was CBS who nixed it' well, by 2020 CBS had multiple queer characters on their shows. [X] So that's not really an argument anymore either. If the showrunners WANTED to make Emily queer, they really could have done it at ANY time after Emily returned.

Another reason I don't think we'd ever see canon queer Emily is because of the toxicity and cringe of a lot of the fans (Mostly Jemily fans!) online. People have zero understanding of parasocial boundaries and the way fans act online towards the actors is so so so gross. No matter what Paget or AJ posts on social media there will always be 100 replies of people being like 'Jemily is real!' or 'Is Emily a lesbian?' or 'Can you confirm JJ and Emily are in love' (I'm not even going to delve into the ones that are simply sexual harassment bc fans are calling the actors 'mommy' or making sexual jokes directed towards the cast) There was literally one time when AJ posted that one of her friends was missing. IN REAL LIFE. And you know what happened? Jemily stans got in the comments and started begging her to confirm if Jemily was real. ON A POST ABOUT HER FRIEND BEING IN DANGER AND BEING MISSING!!! The showrunners see you. The actors see you. And in NO world, do I think the showrunners would want to ever add fuel to that fire. Let's walk through this: What would happen if Emily is canonically confirmed queer? All of the Jemily stans would say 'OH SHES GAY SO JEMILY IS REAL, ALWAYS HAS BEEN!!' By confirming Emily's queerness, the showrunners would also be subsequently confirming 15 years of JJ/Emily subtext as being queer (whether they want to or not). Which of course has HUGE implications considering JJ has been with Will since S2. It changes SO much of the context of the show and JJ's relationship with Will. The show is simply NOT going to give us canonically queer Emily, because there are WAY too many ramifications of doing so. It would never be just a simple 'Emily is queer' because Emily has WAY too much history on this show. That's why I am so glad it was Tara. Tara doesn't have that deep history with another character. Sure, we can say 'Oh wow, Emily and Tara really were flirting all those years' (I already have head canoned that) but that's FINE bc Emily and Tara were both single all that time. No harm no foul, see what I mean?

I truly believe one of the MAIN reasons we got a canonically queer character AT ALL, was because Aisha would have pushed for Tara to be queer. Aisha has always spoken up about LGBTQ issues and she's also sapphic herself. So I would bet money on HER being the one to present the idea of Tara having a girlfriend now. And I also would bet money, that wouldn't be something Paget pushed for, because Emily being queer wouldn't hold the same importance to her as Tara being queer is important to Aisha. Plus, as much as I love Paget, she has said some really harmful stuff online that toes the line of transphobia/homophobia. I know it wasn't said in a malicious way, but even saying uneducated transphobic shit is still awful to see as a queer fan.

This turned into a long-winded explanation but I think all of these things are important to remember right now and I think they're all worth saying. But no, I don't think we'd ever have canon Jemily.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Accidental coming out

Takes place during that time Jim sprained her ankle in S3

Read on ao3 or under the cut

Jim was sitting in the backseat of Juliana’s car. She clutched her foot, trying to somehow ease the pain by doing so.

She was spiraling. What if her foot was broken forever? What if she’d never be able to dance or skate again?

She jumped on one foot as she and Juliana entered the doctor’s office.

”Not even broken. You’ll be fine with just some rest.”

However, that did not ease Jim down. What if the doctor was wrong?

”It’s gonna be ok, Jim,” Juliana assured her.

”Mhm…”

Juliana could tell she was anxious. She could see herself a lot in Jim. Having not been able to skate herself anymore due to her own accident, she knew just how scary it could be every time you get hurt. Most of the time you just need to rest, but there’s always a chance it’s broken forever.

”I don’t wanna let the team down…” Jim said.

”You aren’t,” Juliana replied.

”And I have my dance audition! It’s gonna be a disaster! I’m already a bit wobbly with one of the steps!”

”I’ve seen you practice for the dance audition. You were splendid!”

”Really? Wait, when did you see me?”

Juliana chuckled. ”When you’re on stage you sometimes forget other people are around. I saw you practice while Yam was watching you. You used the song she sang last year at the competition.”

”Yeah, I did.”

”It’s very beautiful. Any particular reason you chose it?”

Jim smiled shyly. ”It just… fits. I don’t know… I felt like I wanted to express love and desire in my dance routine, and that song is all about love.”

”Yes, it is. You’re so full of love, Jim. I feel like I’ve seen you much happier during these past months. Has anything in particular happened?”

Jim snickered. ”Well… maybe.”

She then felt a new wave of pain in her ankle, and she scrunched her face up to power through it.

”What if it doesn’t get better before my dance audition? If I fail my dance audition, I’m not gonna get into the school of my dreams, and then I’ll just do nothing because I have no second option for university. Yam’s gonna go there without me, we’re gonna grow apart and our relationship is gonna fail, I haven’t even told my family that I’m a lesbian yet, and I’ll most likely not have the courage for it afterwards, and then I’m gonna marry some guy I don’t even like and live in misery forever!”

Juliana stared at her in silence.

”Oh my god,” Jim said, ”I wasn’t- I was not planning on just telling you I was a lesbian, it just accidentally slipped out. Or I mean, it didn’t slip out, I guess I was somehow comfortable just telling you, I haven’t told anyone really besides Yam, of course-”

”Jim.” Juliana put her hands on her shoulders. ”Take a deep breath.”

Jim inhaled, and then exhaled.

Juliana just formed a comforting smile and hugged her.

“I… I’m not sure why I told you all that…” Jim admitted.

“I’m glad you did,” Juliana said. “I feel happy you feel comfortable telling me this. And I wanna tell you that everything is gonna be ok.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am sure.”

They entered Jam and Roller. Juliana noticed Yam sitting on the stage, and she knew she could leave Jim in good hands.

She started to realize just how much she cared about these kids. She hoped they all would grow up to have good lifes, with minimal hardships…

[elliesbelle]

hiii lesbian whisperer, i hope ure doing fab today. i currently come to u seeking advise!! (don’t feel forced or rushed to reply to any of this btw, i’m kinda just ranting since i don’t have a lesbian whisperer irl. 😭)

but ummmm. basically there is this starbucks barista who worked inside the store i worked at and like. naturally i sort of developed a crush on her except i’m pretty sure she doesn’t know who i am lmao. but we have shared a few tiny interactions here and there (which i doubt she remembers. cuz like, i’m THE MOST introverted bitch u will ever meet) and like for context, i just suck at flirting with girls and holding long conversations with them bc it’s just not in my nature, which is HORRIBLE for me. anywayyy, we both don’t work there anymore, but one of my friends befriended a few of those starbucks baristas and they hang out as a group every monday, and she’s been telling me to join them bc she thinks i’ll get along with them since they like the same music as me and have similar humor. (and honestly i know deep down she is trying to put me on LOLL god bless her), but i said no at first bc i don’t do well in those types of settings (anddd she didn’t mention that my crush would be there! 🤣) but then recently i found out that she also hangs out with my crush on mondays! like, she’s a part of that group! my friend and her are, like, friends! so i was like, OH!

no one knows i have a crush on her. and honestly, i find it embarrassing telling my friends when i have a crush. i’m just not good at that stuff!!!

SO IF I DO JOIN THEM TMR IDK HOW TO ACT!?? like how am i supposed to get to know ONE person in a group setting if everyone already knows each other without making it obvious or creeping her out….? and then how am i supposed to like actually flirt with her and i guess make a good first impression…. ohmygod i am freaking out. 😀

thankfully i know that she’s bi so at least i have a chancee (omg im getting cocky arent i) but yeah i’m just so scared. 😔 being a socially awkward lesbian is not for the weak!!!

thank u for reading this far, any advise and/or advanced condolences are very much appreciated! LOL. and much love to u belle <3 i hope u know we appreciate having u on this app and on this earth SM! your page is like one of my comfort blogs fr. have a great rest of ur day! 💘💘

nawt theee lesbian whisperer 💀 (it’s true)

omg i hope you did join the group!! that sounds so exciting!! you don’t have to tell your friends that you have a crush on her if you don’t want to, but you can’t have anything happen if you don’t make a move!

my advice is when you do hang out with her in a group, definitely socialize with everyone else, but give her a little extra attention, yk? not in an obvious way, but kind of like, gravitate towards her? and to help with the nerves, just act friendly towards her for now! like, approach her like you would someone you’d like to be friends with. that way, you’ll get used to talking to her and get a feel of the vibe y’all have with each other (you can start out being like, “omg i think i know you, you used to work at this starbucks i would go to).

being a socially awkward lesbian def is hard, but unfortunately if you want a gf, you gotta take initiative! you got no choice, love, cause chances are that the other person you like won’t make advances either.

good luck babes! and lmk how it goes, if you’d like!

[theshelbyclan]

Brotherly Discomfort

Summary: After ‘the talk’, your brothers are adamant to protect you, but you throw yet another curveball their way. Part 2 to Growing Pains

(Gif by @nofckingfighting​)  A/N: This is part 2 to my most popular fic Growing Pains and I used anon’s request: Could you do a Shelby sis story where she’s a lesbian and in love with a woman and her family doesn’t know. The family is trying to get her into an arranged marriage with a man and she can’t figure out how to tell them she’s a lesbian cause she feels they won’t except her? Sorry if that’s too much. Love your writing so much btw!! Thanks for this request babes, hope I did it justice :)  Words: 2387

*** “Right, Y/N, sit down,” Tommy sighed deeply and pointed at a single chair by the kitchen table, “We need to talk.” As you sat down, three brothers loomed over you. Tommy lit a cigarette like his life depended on it, Arthur couldn’t stand still if his life depended on it and John seemed to have forgotten what his life actually depended on, so he just stood there, unsure of everything. “We’re having another talk,” you stated. The last one, only a few days ago, was still fresh in your mind. 

“We are,” you brother confirmed. Arthur took off his cap like he was attending a funeral and stumbled, “We, uhm… We’ve had an idea.” “Christ,” Polly mumbled from behind her newspaper and you couldn’t agree more. “The thing is,” John finally spoke, “We’ve been worried after we… talked.” “Right,” you nodded, “Because of he subject of our conversation?” “It’s not just that!” your brother continued, with a slight frantic edge to his voice, “You’re growing up, but you’re still running around with the dogs at all hours. You won’t listen to anyone, do whatever you please…” Tommy continued where John faltered, “The truth is, Y/N, you’re getting to be too wild.” “Oh, fuck off, Tom,” and you got up with every intention to leave the room. “Sit down,” he said sternly, “We can’t have another Ada situation.” “Situation?” your eyebrows shot up, “What do you fucking mean by a fucking situation?” “The baby, Y/N,” Arthur explained. “I’m sorry,” you were boiling inside now, “but please explain: was the baby the problem or the man she had the baby with the problem? Or possibly, maybe, the fact that you three had no say in the matter?!” “That’s not the point,” John could feel this conversation wasn’t going as planned, “The thing is we couldn’t stop it!” Polly scoffed behind you, so at least you felt like someone was on your side. After a few moments of silence, your anger got the better of you and you slammed a hand down on the table in a very Tommy manner, “So what did you three fucking geniuses come up with?” Tommy pointed at you menacingly, “You fucking watch your mouth. You may be sixteen but I will still wash your mouth out with soap if you don’t mind that tongue…” “Minding my tongue…” you repeated, rolling your eyes, “Fine. So, what’s the plan? Arthur? John? Are we going back to the old ways and am I being married off to some good gypsy boy?” You turned around at Polly and laughed at your own joke, but when the room fell silent once again, you realised you’d hit the jackpot. Arthur had known you since the day you were born. He’d been twelve at the time and he could recognise every little expression on your face. Like when you were little, you used to scrunch up your nose just before you were about to cry for hunger. Or when you were sad, a small wobble in your chin just before the tears. Or when you were angry, a wrinkle in your forehead gave away the tantrum that was about to follow. This was happening right now. So he held up both hands and said, “Y/N, he’s from a good family…” “Nope,” you said, adamantly. “He is,” John confirmed gently, “and he has horses.” “Fucking no,” you shook your head. Tommy sighed, “We already made the deal.” “You promised your sister, just like that. That’s low, even coming from you, Thomas,” Polly’s cold voice sounded. If there was one person who could break his tough exterior, it was his aunt, “Well, what the fuck should we have done, Pol? Let her run wild, like you, eh?” But you stood up and walked over to Tommy. This was the man who had raised you, cared for you and disciplined you most of all, but right now, none of it mattered. So you slapped him hard, once. “Undo it Tommy,” you hissed, “Undo it or I’ll fucking cut you.” In the background you could hear Arthur mumble at once, “Okay, we’ll undo it…” “Give me one good reason,” your brother’s face, now only inches away, remained emotionless. You sighed and decided to throw all caution to the wind. “Anna,” you said, calmly. “What?” John asked immediately. So you repeated, voice raised, “Anna!” Three frowning brother stared at you, not understanding at all. “Remember when you asked me what hisname was, last week?” you called out exasperated. “’John’, wasn’t it?” Arthur looked at you. “No, it wasn’t fucking ‘John’, Arthur, she just said so,” John explained to his oldest brother. Tommy lit another cigarette, “What’s your point, Y/N?” You pointed at your neck where the nearly faded hickey could still be seen if you knew, “The name of the girl who gave me this is Anna.” “That would be bloody fantastic actually, because we wouldn’t have to worry anymore about a baby situation…” John squinted, “I think she’s serious…” “Oooooh fuck…” Arthur sighed, suddenly connecting the dots; “We’ve been keeping an eye on the wrong fucking people, John.” But John burst out laughing, “Didn’t see that one coming, did you, Tommy?” Slowly, your brother sat down and started smoking his second cigarette, “Pol, contact Madame Ross, tell her the wedding is off.” But Aunt Polly was having none of it, “You got us into this mess, you can fix it.” And then fear settled suddenly into the pit of your stomach. You looked at Tommy and asked softly, “Are you mad?” “Nope,” he said, head dropped down into his hands. “Disappointed?” “No, I’m not disappointed. But you should’ve told us, eh?” You shrugged, “Didn’t think you’d… approve.” “Why?” John asked, “We don’t care that you like women.” And all the love you had in you went out to your brother in that very moment. “Y/N,” Arthur started and he looked so angry that uncertainty took over again, “Why the fuck did you not tell us before we… explained?” “Because it was hilarious,” Polly commented unhelpfully. John started giggling again, “Fucking unnecessary is what it was.” “Arthur?” you asked, fear seeping into your voice. He sighed deeply, fidgeting with his hat, “It’s not the women, Y/N, I don’t care about that. It’s you and… anyone really. I don’t like the idea of you with anyone. Remember when she used to play with the coals, remember John?” “Yeah, I remember,” John smiled. “Black like the night she’d be!” Arthur remembered out loud, “Sweet and innocent.” “Well, she’s not anymore,” Polly sipped her tea. “I fucking see that and I don’t like it,” you eldest brother’s smile faded quickly. “Right,” Tommy raised his head again, “Guess we need to change our approach.” “There really no need…” you started. But he continued, ignoring you, “So you like girls, eh?” “Yep,” you confirmed meekly. “Only girls?” You nodded, “Well, one in particular.” Arthur looked at Tommy like he would have all the answers, “Now what, Tom?” You could now start to see the humour in all of it. Your brothers’ faces were an absolute picture! John could hardly contain his laughter, Tommy looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and Arthur was filled with the absolute dread at another conversation like the one you had last week. “Oh, come on!” John called out, “I’m sure we could offer some advice!” He winked at you and a smile spread across your face. “Yeah!” you said, “I mean you all like women, right? This should be even easier!” “It’s not,” Arthur muttered. “I like women,” John said to no one in particular. “What about you, Tommy?” you asked your brother sweetly. But he just rolled his eyes and continued smoking. A part of you wanted to joke about him and Alfie, but you decided against it at the last second. “Horses?” you ventured, “Tommy, any advice on this with the famous analogy of horses? “Horses don’t really…” he waved a hand, coughed and stopped talking all together. “Well, at least you don’t have to be afraid of her getting pregnant,” John said to Arthur, who was as white as a sheet now. “That’s right,” he replied in a low voice, “but that’s my entire speech out the window, because there’s no waiting ‘till bloody marriage either…” “Well,” you tried to comfort your older brother, “You did offer me some good advice the last time, Arthur. You said there was no hurry and to not do it unless I wanted to?” “Right! I did say that. That, yes, it still stands!” Arthur looked around the kitchen triumphantly. “And John,” you continued, “you said to not put anything in my mouth unless I wanted to. Sound advice that was, now more than ever!” “Fucking hell,” Arthur crumbled again, “I can’t do this again. Tom, say something.” “Women….” Tommy started off vaguely waving his cigarette around, “they want love.” “We do.” “And they always want to take things slow.” “Can you imagine?” John interrupted, “Two women together? Must take ages…” “You’d be surprised…” you started, but when you saw your other brothers’ faces, you shut your mouth quickly. Tommy glared daggers at his brother and then turned to you, “How did you become an expert all of a sudden, eh?” “Talked to Ada,” you shrugged. “You talked to Ada…” he repeated lowly and threw his head back. “Wait,” John said suddenly, “Is this why you hate wearing dresses?” “Or why you drink whiskey like a man?” Arthur added, carefully. “That’s just because she’s a Shelby,” Polly explained matter-of-factly. “Or why you never sit on chairs?” John continued, “Or hang out at the factory all the time! Or why you always talk about votes for women…” You held up a hand to stop your brother, “None of that has anything to do with me liking women, John. That’s just… me.” “So what does have to do with you liking women?” your other brother asked in his typical low voice. “Me liking women…?” “So how does it work exactly?” John furrowed his brows, “Like, without… a man there?” “John,” Arthur warned him with a grumble. “Well, both people are enjoying themselves, for starters…” you replied in earnest. “Fucking hell,” the eldest interrupted, “She’s turning into Ada, she bloody is.” “Have you never seen two women together, Arthur?” you asked innocently, “Not even in London?” “They’re all mad bastards down in London, Y/N, the things I’ve seen there…” “Well, imagine me now.” Tommy had just taken a sip of his whiskey and practically choked on the spot, “That’s fucking it. You’re not to go near the BSA again!” “Why?” you called out, “It’s not like all the women in the world are gathered at the BSA!” “I will not have you behaving,” he struggled to find the words but finally spit, “like those fucking women in London!” “Don’t worry, Tommy,” you tried to comfort him, “I’m still… we haven’t actually…” “Oh, thank God,” Arthur sank down in his chair. “Well, when you do, just be gentle, alright?” John offered some advice, “And light a candle! Women love candles.” “Candles, check,” you noted. Tommy downed his whiskey, recomposed himself and added, “And make sure they’re in the mood first…” “To get ‘happy’,” you said, “like Arthur said last time,” “Yes,” he sighed deeply.

“Cut your nails,” John said out of the blue, “Esme told me.”

Arthur turned to his brother, “What the bloody hell do nails have to do with anything?”

“Well, it’s for when you…”

But Tommy silenced you with a gesture, “Please, Y/N, don’t.”

“Right,” and the quiet returned in the small kitchen. Well, at least now they knew, so that terrifying bit was out of the way. Apart from that, you weren’t quite sure if this was going great, because your brothers seemed absolutely petrified and slightly annoyed at your sudden revelation. Maybe it would’ve been better if you hadn’t told them. Then again, marrying a ‘good gypsy boy’ was the last thing you wanted in life. So maybe you could lighten the mood just a little.

“I have a better idea,” a sudden glint came into your eyes, “How about I offer all of you some advice!” The tables had turned already and this couldn’t possibly get any more awkward.

“Nope,” Arthur stood up and promptly marched out of the kitchen, talking to himself, “I can’t. That’s my baby sister and I just fucking can’t...”

“Arthur, where are you going?” Polly called after him, mirth clearly audible in her voice. And he replied, “I’m going to find this Anna, make sure she’s from a good family…” And then he was gone.

Tommy looked from you to Polly for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and mumbled something about business. Polly smirked at you and his face was full of annoyance at it all, “I need to get back to Dangerous. The horse. Tell me some other time, eh?”

“Tommy,” you asked carefully, “Are you sure you’re not mad about me liking women?”

“Princess, I honestly don’t give a fuck who you like,” he said, while putting on his coat and hat, “I just want to meet this Anna and if she hurts you, I’ll still kill her. None of that has changed, eh?”

This was strangely comforting to you.

And just as you were about to offer some unwanted advice, he left the kitchen in a hurry and called over his shoulder, “If you have any questions, Ada apparently has all the fucking answers!”

So you turned to your aunt, “That went well, didn’t it?”

“At least the wedding’s off.”

“Thank fuck,” you smirked and Polly smiled at you encouragingly, “You don’t mind, Aunt Pol, do you?”

“I’m with Tommy,” she said returning to her stern voice, “The fact that it’s a woman won’t make me hesitate.”

“Right,” you nodded, “She makes me happy, though.”

“Good,” Aunt Polly continued to read the newspaper, “Bring her over for tea. Let’s make the boys really uncomfortable, shall we?”

Still laughing, you stood up with the intention of getting on with your homework, when you suddenly noticed John was still sitting on the chair in the back of the kitchen.

“What do you want?” you asked him bluntly.

“I’m waiting,” he said, hands upturned, “You promised me some advice, remember?”

***

Masterlist

[meanautisticenbian]

Fuck it, I'm gonna dissect all the bullshit in that one Lilith post bit by bit

TW// Lilith hate, victim blaming, abuse, cult mention, ableism towards Autistic people, sexualization of minors (briefly mentioned)

I'll be putting my text in bold just in case it's hard to distinguish between the pictures and my commentary

Here's the post I'm referring to in case you're curious

Moving on and starting with this bit

People pay attention to Eda all the damn time, she's literally one of the main characters. Funny how you only mention tik tok and nothing else. Is that the only other social media you have? Because fans on different social media platforms act much differently; on IG and Reddit stuff like the sexualization of minors and fucking ODALIA AND ALADOR STANS are normalized, where everywhere else it's pretty much universally agreed that that stuff is bad. I don't know a lot about what toh Tik Tok is like just because I don't usually go on tik tok, but even if it is like this, it's not the same for the rest of the fandom. A lot of the fandom still hates Lilith and blames her for her abuse and not being able to leave

You say that like she's a bad person, she's really not. The curse she placed on Eda wasn't intended to be permanent and probably wasn't even supposed to take the effects that it did. She was most likely scammed. I mean look at how she reacts when Eda transforms for the first time. She also feels guilty enough about it to throw herself into an abusive situation and spend almost her whole life trying to make up for it. Lastly, yes she hurt Luz, but let's not forget that Belos threatened her life upon Eda's capture and Lilith was running out of time and had no other option. Obviously what she did was wrong but she's not the real monster here.

"I do like Lilith" this entire essay says otherwise.

Literally none of us ignore any of the bad shit she's done, stop lying about us.

Yes, Lilith did mock her for her curse, which was messed up, but we don't actually know for sure if the curse is basically canonically a disability in that world, so if that's the case then for now it's technically not ableism until we get confirmation otherwise.

"it was an accident and I forgive Lilith" no you fucking don't. First of all this entire essay is you talking about how evil you think she is and secondly, if it really was as bad as you view it, you wouldn't be that forgiving.

Ah yes the victim blaming, the one thing that almost everyone does to Lilith and barely anyone talks about.

There is literally not a single Lilith stan out there who blames Eda for getting cursed. You're just mad that your victim blaming towards Lilith got called out so you silence us by lying about how we do the same thing to Eda.

No one is making Eda out to be the villain either, the only example I can find of this is a few fanfics where she treats Lilith a lot more harshly than she should, and even then, scenes like that are written in a positive light as if you're supposed to be on Eda's side, so with that in mind, the writers of these fics are clearly not even Lilith stans. In terms of how actual stans treat Eda, the worst they do is make her slightly ignorant of Lilith's trauma, kinda like the fandom, minus the "slightly", until she grows as a character and learns to see the red flags. If that's the problem you're talking about, then breaking news: Eda's not perfect either. She has flaws too just like literally everyone else in the show and people are allowed to write about them

Tell me the truth: are people making playlists for Lilith that include a lot of sad and angry songs because she's not a happy person anyway so there wouldn't be a point in having any happy songs, or are they making "trauma" playlists? There's a difference

I'm sorry, are you trying to tell me that people recognizing Lilith's trauma is victim blaming Eda? That's not how it works sweetycakes

There is far more Eda angst out there than there is for Lilith, where are you finding so much Lilith angst? LILITH is the one who's traumas are being ignored while Eda's gets all the attention. You're acting like one of those white cis gays on twitter who see black people talking about the anti blackness they experience daily and accuse them of being homophobic because "there is so much homophobia in the world and they still manage to make it all about race".

No one is saying that Lilith has worse trauma, we're only saying that her's is also severe and that it definitely exists. Also funny how you're allowed to be mad at us for comparing Lilith and Eda's trauma (once again lying about us), then you go on to do the exact same thing and say that EDA'S trauma is worse. Even if, hypothetically speaking, Eda did have it worse, that doesn't mean Lilith doesn't have the right to be traumatized. Both of them have trauma, both should be recognized. Also, Lilith had far more going on in her life than just the guilt of her actions, she was was implied to have been psychologically and maybe physically abused, and was probably even tortured. Stop ignoring all the red flags and condemn the actual abuser (Belos) before you criticize anything the abused (Lilith) has done.

We're not making everything about Lilith, like shut up.

Please don't say that autistic people "have autism", it implies that it's something that can be removed from us. For example: you don't say "a person with blackness" when referring to black people or "a woman with homosexuality" when referring to Lesbians.

Oh yeah I'm also autistic so here are MY thoughts

Amity and Lilith are not antagonists anymore, hcing them as Autistic is not villainizing autism.

The autistic Lilith headcanon was made by autistic fans, allistics only latched onto it because they either wanted to be supportive or they saw that she actually had a lot of autistic traits

You're not the only autistic person alive, just because you're not like Lilith or Amity doesn't mean none of us are or they're not autistic. I mean, I know I am

You're not fun or funny

"not all Autistic people are like this" remember that line, dear readers

Actually, I prefer the autistic villain trope MUCH more than the grown ass autistic adult that acts like a five year old trope. At least we'd have less stereotypes associated with us.

Autism is not supposed to be portrayed in only fun and happy characters, that is literally the epitome of stereotyping and infantilizing. You literally just said that not all autistic people are the same, doesn't this count as being all the same? Does this mean I don't exist anymore? Am I just not autistic? Are you even aware that a flat affect or monotone voice is literally a very common autistic trait? You can't just say that we're stereotyping autistics and then just go on to stereotype us, like what the fuck are you even on? Is it only ok when you do it?

Amity is not edgy for fuck's sake

Literally no one is headcanoning Lilith or Amity as autistic because they're mean, we headcanon them as autistic because they actually show traits of it

Oh, our harmless headcanons are making you feel uncomfortable because they don't fit into the stereotypes you made up about us? Good to know our plan is working I guess

Last thing I wanna say regarding this post as a whole: why are you acting like liking Lilith and feeling sympathy for her is a bad thing? If you find this then don't say "I don't think that's a bad thing", answer HONESTLY

Well that's all I have for now, thank you for reading, I need to go to bed soon

[uselessidiotsquad]

Character Interview: Sigilis Forgemuzzle

INTRODUCTION

Can you introduce yourself?

- Legionnaire Sigilis Forgemuzzle (she does a half-assed salute). Head Engineer of the Pact.

What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

- Female, Lesbian, Married. (she gives a big toothy grin at the last word)

Where and when were you born?

- 1276 AE - Got dumped in the Fahrar as soon as possible, born just outside of the Citadel, I assume. Since I got tossed like a bag of steaming shit as soon as my fur dried - can’t tell you for sure.

What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

- Anything that cracks skulls or blasts holes. I just hit or shoot things until they stop moving, that a good enough answer for you?

Lastly, are you happy?

- I’d be happier with five thousand gold and a keg of beer... but for all general reasoning yeah, I’m happy.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

- Charr don’t really do family, I take it you’ve heard that much. Else you got cobwebs in your ears. Never met my sire, or my dam. Never cared to. My family is me, Galla, and Valens - and maybe Ruby on a good day.

Have you ever ran away from home?

- Oh you bet your balls I did. Couldn’t stand the structure of the damn Fahrar growing up anymore than wax can stand being next to a fire. Hated that place.

Would you consider marriage or having children?

- Already married! Would do it again faster than a flashbang going off. Kids? Eh, not for me. Galla wanted ‘em but we got Valens hitching a ride with us so that’s as good as a kid as any.

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

- Hate is a strong word. Don’t much care for that Ordia but she keeps to herself, so it is what it is.

Which friend knows everything about you?

- Galla knows me from claw to crown, inside and out. (she makes an extremely suggestive face and you hear someone sigh in annoyance in the next room over)

ASKED BY FANS  

Are you literate? Have you been to school?

- ...reading’s tough. I can get by enough to make out the gist of reports and stuff but beyond that, not for me. School? Yeah. Charr rearing is basically school to be a cog for the Legions.

The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

- I don’t do predictions, takes the fun out of things. Gotta live life in the moment.

What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

- You’ll be hard pressed to get something that will embarrass me. I’ll buy you a round if you find anything.

Do you have mental health or physical issues?

- Mental health wasn’t a thing for a long time with Charr. It was just ‘get over it - go drink it off - suck it up or punch something’. Still like that to some degree, ‘specially with older hags like my generation. Some of the younger ones are dealing with it more and burn me, good for them. Physical? What do you expect, I’ve had a life of explosives, fighting, and bar brawls. Comes with the territory.

What is your current main goal?

- Just live and enjoy the ride with my wife. And keep that red midge of a plant from going to kill something the size of a country - again. (she laughs, it’s loud and raucous)

CHOICES

Drink or food?

- Drink. You can go a longer time without food, well I can - look at this padding! (she slaps her rounded stomach fondly) You could put me through seven winters and I’d sleep like a bear.

Cats or dogs?

- Not a pet person.

Early bird or night owl?

-  Eh, early I guess. Galla gets up at the crack of dawn, so I like to get up with her and get coffee or something.

Optimist or pessimist?

- Realist.

Sassy or sarcastic?

- If I ever am ‘sassy’ I give you full permission to shave me bare, glue feathers to my ass and call me a moa.

HAVE YOU EVER

Been caught sneaking out?

- Yeah, me and Gal were in our old ‘band, we snuck out and went drinking some ale we stole from a dithering Blood goon. We were sitting on a roof. They caught us and we had to go back still drunk as fuck.

Broke a bone?

- I stopped counting after six or so.

Received flowers?

- (she gets a warm expression and beams) Yeah! Gal buys me flowers. I keep tellin’ her she doesn’t have to, ‘cause she doesn’t get it, you know, but she does anyway.

Ghosted someone?

- (scratching a little uncomfortably at her neck, she half-winces) Ah, well, shit yeah. Was more than a little... uh, loose in my youth. Some of the ones had flings with caught feelings and I wasn’t about that, back then.

Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

- Nah, usually it’s me that tells a joke that no one gets.

[kj-1130]

Listen to Me

Uswnt x reader

⚠️mentions of fighting/violence, cursing, Chad being an asshole, mentions of racism, homophobia, and sexism. Lemme know if there’s more I missed.⚠️

Main Masterlist

It was time for another camp. You were the last to arrive due to still being in school and having to be there as many hours as you possibly could.

So here you were in the airport walking towards a pissed off Alex Morgan and Christen Press.

The day before your flight to camp, you had gotten into trouble. Trouble meaning you got into a fight. And word got to your teammates.

“Hello my favorite, most amazing people in the whole wide world.”

Alex simply rolled her eyes and grabbed your suitcase before walking towards the exit with you and Christen trailing behind.

You lowered your gaze to the terminal floor. Christen tried to catch your eyes but ultimately failed and decided just to look straight forward as she talked.

“You know, you shouldn’t resort to violence, (y/n). I don’t know what happened but everyone’s pretty upset and disappointed right now.”

Ouch. The disappointment card. Just had to pull that one like you haven’t heard it just about everyday of your life. You were honestly confused if people were actually disappointed when they said it or just used it as a guilt trip.

The ride to the hotel was full of silence. And not one of those silences where you feel comfortable with the people you adore and love. It was one of those silences where it made you nervous and anxious. It made you fidget and uncomfortable.

Getting your room assignment, being with Tierna, you tried to book it up the stairs. That worked for all of five seconds until you were called into the meeting room.

You reluctantly stepped down and made your way to the space and left your suitcase by the door. In the room were almost all the responsible/‘scary when they want to be’ ones. Sitting down in a chair with a sigh, you looked down at your fidgeting hands and waited for someone to start talking.

The silence that filled the room was very tense. All that could be heard was the movement of your hands and breathing.

When you thought things couldn’t get any worse, the most mama-bear of them all, Carli, spoke up.

“You know you can lose your spot for stuff like this right? You got into a fight, this is not something you need to be taking lightly at all. I don’t care what caused it, but you need to fix whatever’s going on with your behavior and attitude because you’ve been off for the past few weeks anyway. If something like this happens again, we won’t hesitate to take some disciplinary actions ourselves. Am I clear, (y/n)?”

You mumbled ‘crystal’ and attempted to leave the room only to get pulled down by Ash. “Now do you wanna tell us what started the fight?”

You were honestly getting really uncomfortable. Any movement you were making at the moment was probably the only thing keeping you from breaking right now; the furrowing of your eyebrows, the rolling of your shoulders, scratching your arms, bouncing your leg. You probably looked crazy.

You shrugged your shoulders and started spinning in your chair.

Ash put her hand on it and prohibited it from being able to move. “That was not a suggestion.”

Sighing and dragging your hands over your face you told them, “A boy knocked books out of my hands and pushed me so I pushed him back. He didn’t like that so he threw the first punch and I wasn’t about to let him push me around so I beat his ass.”

It wasn’t a total lie but it wasn’t the full truth. Yes he did push you. And yes he did hit you first. But there was so much more to the situation than that.

“Look I’m tired and I have work I need to do. If you want to scold me anymore, just please save it for tomorrow.”

Honestly you had never run up stairs so fast. The situation was so awkward and the way everyone was staring at you didn’t make anything better. There was so much disappointment in their eyes.

It’s like what you do will never be enough for anyone.

-

The next day everyone came down from breakfast. You went to sleep after 12 due to having work piled up from your asshole teachers. It’s not like they grade half of it anyway.

You still didn’t understand one of the lessons so decided to watch some YouTube videos on it and take notes while eating breakfast. That also gave you an excuse to sit away from anyone who would possibly want to lecture you about your ‘reckless actions’.

You were the last one down. Deciding to already have headphones in—to ignore anyone calling your name—you grabbed your breakfast and sat down at a table by yourself. Pulling your notebook and pencil out, you started the video and took notes while eating.

You could feel their eyes burning holes in your head. You’d honestly prefer they just come ask what they wanted than staring at you like some museum exhibit.

You just ignored it and did your work. That was easier said than done as Casey came over, sat next to you, and snatched your earphones out.

“Hey!” You scrambled to pause the video so you didn’t miss anything. “I was watching that.”

Turning to Casey, you pushed your glasses up and gave her a look that said ‘can I help you?’

“Don’t give me that face. I’m not the one you need to be having an attitude with.”

“I-I don’t have an attitude though.”

“Stop talking.”

You purse your lips, nod your head, and start bouncing your leg waiting to hear whatever she wanted to say to you.

“Look, I don’t know what’s been going on at school or at home but everyone can tell you’re on edge. Isolating yourself isn’t going to help anyone-”

“But I’m not isolating myself.”

“Interrupt me one more time, child.”

Casey was your first team mom. When you joined the red stars, she immediately took you under her wing and she became your mentor. The two of you worked well together and she constantly kept you on track. She was very nice but could be very strict when she wanted to be.

“All I’m saying is you’re making yourself look more guilty to them because you’re sitting over here looking like you’re all up in your feelings. You aren’t in your feelings. Right? Cause that’d be another conversation I’d have to have with somebody’s child and-”

You cut her off with your chuckle and shook your head. “Casey, I’m fine.”

She nods her head and contemplates for a few seconds, “Alright, come sit at the table with me then.”

“But I’m working.”

“Okay. You can work over there too.”

You simply watched as she grabbed your phone, notebook and breakfast to the table with a gaped mouth.

You blinked at her while she mouthed ‘come here’. Reluctantly, you pushed yourself out the seat and slowly made your way over. You sat down and reached out for your phone only for Casey to snatch it away.

“I need to do my work. What did you do that for?”

“Your work can wait. Socialize,” she said while putting your phone out of work.

With raised eyebrows you said, “Seriously?”

“Does it look like I’m kidding?”

Huffing you turned in your seat and played with your food. You’d honestly lost your appetite this morning; it was only 9 in the morning and people were already testing your patience.

You looked up and your eyes locked with Carli’s.

“Stop playing with your food, (y/n).”

You put your fork down and just got up to throw your food away. You couldn’t deal with this right now.

-

The two weeks of camp was boring and went by agonizingly slow. It consisted of pretty much the same routine; you’d do work after training, work during breakfast and spend any free days or breaks by yourself (occasionally with Tierna) in your room, on your phone looking at ways to improve and tricks to do.

It became annoying when all the vets constantly reprimanded you for the smallest of things. With Carli, it’d be ‘stop playing around so much’. With Alex it’d be ‘pick up after yourself’. Even Kelley was doing it for fuck’s sake.

You honestly couldn’t wait to leave and at least be somewhere where all the attention isn’t on you.

-

When you got to the airport, your girlfriend was there waiting for you. She pulled you in her arms and any leftover tension from the past two weeks immediately went away. She always knew how to make you feel better.

The two of you drove to her house and went over some school work before going to bed for the night. It wasn’t an unusual routine between you two.

When the alarm went off in the morning both of you groaned. The school you went to was a total pain in the ass and regardless of what day it was, you could count on it to be an awful day. It was a predominately white school with only 2 percent being a person of color; you and your girlfriend being part of that 2%. Half of them were racist, sexist, homophobic, and just all around assholes.

Walking into the school building, you could immediately feel all eyes on you. Trying to get past it, the two of you just went to your lockers with your heads down.

“Aye! Look at me you freak!”

It was the same dude you got into a fight with last time(his name is Chad by the way). Apparently a black eye didn’t teach him shit.

“When I tell you to do something I expect you to do it.”

He grabs your shoulders, turns you around and pins you to the lockers.

“You see my eye?”

“Yeah, you got your ass beat by a girl. What you gonna do about it?”

He punched you in the stomach hard.

“(Y/n)!” Your girlfriend. You looked up at her and shook your head signaling her not to get involved.

“Ima make you look worse than you made me-”

“Are you sure about that? Last time you failed, what makes you think it won’t happen again?”

Chad chuckles and shakes his head.

“You think you’re all that with that equal pay shit, and your racial equality and women loving women crap. Guess what you little bitch I’m going to end you and all those lesbians and gays and anybody else who thinks they deserve equality because you don’t. You don’t belong here. Just go kill-”

You kicked him in his balls, twisted his arm behind his back, and pulled it. When you heard that crack you smirked and leaned down to his ear.

“I don’t wanna embarrass you in front of your racist, sexist, homophobic, buddies, but lemme tell you. You don’t own anybody nor are you superior to anybody. Do I make myself clear?”

He only grunted but you pulled tighter which made him yell out.

“I said, ‘do I make myself clear’?”

“Yes!”

You pushed him on the ground and walked over him to your girlfriend.

“Why in the world would do that? You know what they’re going to do to you. You might not even get invited back to camp!”

“Babe, calm down. I honestly don’t care at this point. And neither should you.”

“(Y/n) (L/n)! My office! Now!”

You gave her a kiss and walked away slowly.

“Wish me luck.”

-

“You seriously got into another fight! What is going on with you!”

It was the first thing you heard when walking into the hotel lobby. Literally everyone was there. From the youngings to the vets. Surprisingly, you were called back to camp, but you honestly think it was just so everyone could scold you. Carli was absolutely livid, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care about anything at the moment since you were so pissed.

Walking past the team, you attempted to make it to the stairs, only for Casey to grab the back of your shirt and pull you back towards the tables. She pushed you down into a seat and took your belongings away from you.

You tried to get back up but you were only pushed down again.

Carli bent down and stared you dead in the eye.

“What is going on with you?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me. What I did was what I intended to do. It was no mistake.”

Alex interrupted, “(Y/n), you don’t understand-”

“No you don’t understand!” You stood abruptly from the chair and slammed your hands on the table. The chair fell and it was absolute silence.

You’d never been so loud. You were always on the quiet side and this was the biggest reaction anyone had ever seen from you.

You were heavily breathing, staring at Carli, the adrenaline pumping through you.

“Did they tell you what he did to me?! Did they tell you what he calls me, my girlfriend and every other female, lgbtq member, or person of color in that school?! No! Because they don’t give a shit. And they won’t give a shit until it’s one of their kids getting hurt!”

There was no dry eye in the room. Your hands were shaking and you took a deep breath to calm down. In a lower voice you spoke.

“They don’t give a damn about my well-being so why should I give a fuck about theirs?”

Taking a few more trembling breaths, you wiped the tears off your face.

“So excuse me for being off for the past few weeks. This shit will take a toll on anybody. And you can cut the bullshit with the ‘don’t fight fire with fire’ cause that’s the only way something gets through those thick ass skulls. They don’t allow you to do it peacefully. They don’t allow you to educate them.”

You looked at Casey with tears in your eyes.

“I just wanna go to school and get an education and be treated like a normal human being. What’s wrong with that?”

Crystal came over to you and caught you before you fell. She lowered you both to the floor as you sobbed your heart out. You kept mumbling ‘I’m sorry’ into her neck between breaths as she rocked you back and forth trying to console you.

Casey and Christen were the next ones over, the latter rubbing your back while the other was trying to wipe away the onslaught of tears on your face.

“Shh, shh baby. You did nothing wrong.”

Soon, every member of the team was crowded around. Tears were streaming down everyone’s face. Their baby, only 16, was going through all this stress and pain. Because of something no one deserves.

You eventually calmed down after 15 more minutes of crying. You’d been transferred to Casey’s lap, and your team mom was trying to comfort you to the best of her ability.

Casey took your face in her hands and wiped all the tears off. “You don’t need to be sorry, alright? There was nothing you did wrong. Stop saying sorry.”

You nodded your head and she kissed your forehead.

Everyone was still crying or wiping waterfalls of tears away.

They watched as you got up and searched frantically for something. You got your phone out of your backpack and turned it on. While you were pacing, the Home Screen popped up and you quickly logged in to text your girlfriend. One, because you always text her when you get to the hotel and two, if Chad and his stickman buddies hurt her, you were absolutely going to lose your shit.

When you logged in to your phone, you saw she already messaged you saying that you should talk to the others.

“Kinda late for that,” you muttered.

“What did you say, hun?” Christen asked.

You just shook your head and texted her back.

Gf: I mean we could always try to talk to the board.

You: Or

You: We could go on strike.

Gf: I-

Gf: I’m done talking to you.

You: wait no! Don’t leave me.

You: I love you

You had a frown on your face when you put your phone away.

Casey pulled you back down into her lap. “What’s with the frown?”

You groaned and threw your head back. “She’s such an asshole. She left me on read!”

The team chuckled, glad to see you was somewhat back to yourself.

Your phone dinged and you pulled it out. She said ‘I love you too, weirdo’

There were a few moments of silence as everyone was thinking of what to do.

“Can we go on strike?”

“No!”

Casey flicked your ear for that.

Tobin spoke up, “Let’s create awareness first. Maybe identify the school board, post all the school’s faults on social media. I don’t know, just some ideas.”

Carli nodded her head. “Look, we’re here for you. For everyone in that school that’s been wronged. We’re gonna help you alright?”

You nodded your head and leaned back onto your team mom.

“And if all else fails, we go on strike.”

“Oh my god.”

—————-

Lowkey think this was trash but eh. I don’t really care at this point but uh this topic is very serious and what I put in here doesn’t even compare to what happens irl.

[lesbian-deadpool]

Take A Slice

Part Six: WARNING! BULLSHIT INSIDE!

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 1,761

Warnings: Blackmail, a bit of angst??, some self hate, talks of drugs, aftermath of violence, talks of cheating.

Summary: It just keeps getting worse and worse.

A/N: Bold and italics = Text Messages.

Ko-Fi

(Not My GIF)

***

You were out of it. Completely and entirely, out of it.

The soft feeling of the red-heads plump, strawberry and sugar flavoured lips, pressing against the side of your neck. Her hand, trailing up your sides, pushing and pulling at your shirt. With Natasha humming against you gently, it vibrating into your throat, as she ground against your hips underneath her.

And yet.

Even with all that she was gifting you with, you still weren't able to focus on any of it.

"What's up with you?" Natasha asked, her red lipstick smudged, and probably all over your neck, too.

"Hmm?"

"You're out of it. What's running through that head of yours?"

"Oh." Shit. "It's nothing. Just a little distracted, is all."

"I see that." She took your jaw between her hands, soothingly rubbing her thumbs into your skin. As she gazed down at you with soft eyes. "Anything I can help with?"

God, she was too good to you. Too good for you.

And you had to bring this bullshit into her life. Sometimes you wished that you had never stepped foot in her class, that way this, could have all been avoided. And all because of those fucking texts you got, two weeks ago.

You had to tell her.

You had too.

"Nope." You shook your head.

You suck.

"You sure?" Natasha asked, a humoured smile overtaking her face, "You still having trouble spelling, 'Nietzsche'?"

"His name sucks, okay?!" you exclaimed, making laughter bellow out of Natasha.

You watched her with soft eyes, you adored her laugh. Adored her everything, really. Her hair, falling over her shoulders, the sun shining through the windows, causing the red strands to glow. Summer had just sprung, almost as if it came to chase the girl in your arms.

You were playing a dangerous game.

But, you knew that from the start.

Now, though? Now? It was more dangerous than before.

Because now you were falling for her.

And that was not going to lead to anything good.

Not with all that is happening.

"His name is hard to spell," Natasha agreed breathlessly, with a small nod.

Dread filled you when your phone suddenly buzzed beside you.

Remember what I said.

Natasha noticed the anxiety flood into you, she was worried about you, never seeing you like this. Staring at your phone with fear-filled eyes.

Lucky for you though, she was unable to read any of the messages that had been sent to you.

Nor the next one's that came through.

You know when and where.

Do. Not. Be. Late.

You inhaled sharply, eyes finally finding Natasha's worried ones when you spoke.

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

"What? Why?" she asked, having to move off of you before you ended up pushing her off of you.

"Y/N? Are you sure everything's alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Just-" Quick think of a lie! "-Wade reminded me about a test we both have tomorrow. And I haven't studied for it at all."

Natasha got up with a chuckle, moving to place her hands upon your chest.

"You have always been on top of your studies, haven't you?"

You shrugged, too busy pulling on your socks and shoes, whilst trying to locate your jacket. You were going to need it tonight when it was chilly.

"Hey," Natasha soothed, "Don't worry so much. Why don't you stay here? I'll help you study. I'll even reward you every time you get a question right."

You groaned internally.

Why did she have to go and say shit like that?

"I'm sorry, babe. I'd love that. I really would," you pressed as if to make her understand how much you were telling the truth, as you pulled her in by her hip, "But I promised Wade, we would study together. He's worse at this class than I am."

She laughed breathlessly.

"You two really are the dynamic duo, aren't you?"

It was quiet for a moment, as you moved away from her. Ready to head out of her apartment, when she continued.

"You could always bring him, too."

"What?!" You span around to face her.

"Obviously the "rewards" would be off the table, then. But I would love to meet your friends. At least your best friend. I want to be in your life like people in more normal relationship's do. As long as they keep the secret."

Why was she so fucking perfect.

"But Nat, you've already met Wade, remember?"

She licked her lips with a smile. Memories of that morning, and what lead up to it, flashing through her mind.

"Of course, I remember. I meant I would like to get to know him."

"God. You are perfect." You walked up to her, pulling her into a passionate, love-filled kiss. "I'll set something up later. He'll probably want to play some video games with you."

"Fine by me. I'll kick his ass."

"I'm sure you will, honey." With a peck on her forehead, you turned, grabbing your jacket, calling over your shoulder as you left, "I'll see you soon."

"Good luck."

She didn't know how much you needed it.

***

Rumlow.

That fucker.

He was the one doing all of this to you. Blackmailing you. Forcing you to pick up and drop off drugs, like a fucking mule.

And there wasn't even a reason you could think of as to why he was doing it. Other than "he could".

The only reason you found out was, thanks to the guy you were dropping the drugs off too, was really chatty. And wouldn't keep his mouth shut about anything. That, sadly, included every intimate detail about his sex life.

But at least now, you could put a face to the messages.

And somebody to confront.

"Why?"

""Why" what?" you ask back. Hissing as the alcohol-soaked cotton wool ball pressed against the cut on your lip.

The itch for a smoke rattled throughout your body, hands almost shaking in your state. But you had told Natasha that you would try and cut down smoking for her, and God damn if you were, unbeknown to her, bringing this shit into her life, you could at least do this for her.

"Why did you get into a fight with Rumlow?" Wade clarified.

You took the few moments he gave you as he reached into the first aid kit to think over your answer. You debated on whether or not you should tell him the truth. After all, you hadn't even told Natasha as of yet.

But you just couldn't keep it to yourself anymore.

"He's blackmailing me."

Wade dropped the haemorrhoid cream for your black eye onto the floor, his shocked face snapping to face yours, that was still void of emotion.

"What? What do you mean that bastard's blackmailing you? What with?!"

"I'm a fucking idiot," you hissed at yourself, tears springing into your eyes. Elbows resting on your knees, as your head came to lay in the palms of your hands, "It was my idea."

"What was?" He placed a hand upon your shoulder, stood before where you sat on the kitchen worktop.

"I filmed up having sex. Nat agreed to it. But fuck, if I hadn't of brought it up..."

"Hey! Don't do that," he told you firmly, "It's not your fault that someone is using your private life against you."

You didn't reply to him. Your jaw only ticking, as you shook your head. Still kicking yourself for it.

"Does she know?"

"No," your voice was raw as you thought about your girlfriend. Your perfect girlfriend. Who didn't deserve any of this.

"You need to tell her."

"I know... I just- I just wanted to sort it out, before I ever had too. But now, that's not gonna happen."

"Because you kicked his ass? You did kick his ass, right?"

You smiled, wincing at the pain your split lip caused you.

"Hell yeah, I did." Flinching slightly, as Wade began rubbing the cream onto your bruised eye. "But no. It's not because I kicked his ass. Although that might be part of it now... he was never gonna let it end. He just wanted me to be his lapdog for a while, then run me outta Dodge."

"Lapdog how?"

You shuck your head. "I was basically his drug mule."

"Y/N-"

"It was only hookie weed, but still. I'm sure he's into funkier stuff. He was talking about cocaine with someone on the phone when I confronted him."

"And yet, you didn't share with me," he joked. It was the only thing he really could do before he sighed sadly, "He wanted you out of town?"

You nod.

"Why?"

"No idea. He just yelled at me after our fight, that he wants me outa here. That's all her was blackmailing me for. But, my best guess is that he thought he could "get some use" out of me, before then.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I have no idea. I can't let Natasha lose her job over this shit, man. She loves teaching. Said that it was all she's ever wanted to do."

"Talk to her."

"Yeah, I will soon. I just- Is it so bad that I wanna live in denial, and just be happy with her, for a little while longer?"

"No." Wade shook his head. "You're just in love."

You hummed in agreement. You seriously couldn't believe how fast you fell for that woman.

"Since when did you become so wise?"

"I've always been wise, fuck you for not seeing it."

You were incredibly lucky to have a friend like Wade Wilson. You just hoped you didn't have to leave the people you cared about behind.

Only time would tell.

But first.

First, you had to talk to Natasha.

A small smile was pulled upon your face, while you watched your best friend and roommate walk away with the first aid kit, to return it to its place in the bathroom.

Then something you came to dread happened.

Your phone vibrated.

Pack your bags and move out of the fucking state. Or I post your precious video onto the school's website.

Homepage, baby!

Bet she'd look real good up there.

Maybe there will be a porn future for her after she gets fired.

This will teach you for fucking my girlfriend.

Well, shit.

***

Take A Slice Tag List: 

@wannabe-fic-writer​, @ohfuckno​, @uglipotata72829​

Permanent Tag List: 

@imnotasuperhero, @veteranwerewolf95, @natasha-danvers, @marvelfansince08love, @higherfurther-romanova, @lesbian-x-blackwidow, @sestra-inestro, @thelastavenger-3000

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

Purple Roses pt. 2 (Miss Venable x reader)

hiya..its 4 am in germany and im really tired :3 but here we go, Mina is damn soft in this fanfic..i hope its okay sksks..here is the first pt.:

https://littlejeaniehugsbumblebees.tumblr.com/post/640902350735818752/purple-roses-ms-venable-x-reader

summary: Mina meets ur parents and u have ur coming out..ouhh and she wants to ask u smt

warnings: nothing its super duper fluff i guess :D

tagglist: @d14n4ol

google translate sksksk

"Earth to Mina ..", you grumbled and reached out your finger to tap her cheek gently.

"What?"

Your girlfriend looked away from her newspaper with a frown to look down at you, who was lying in her lap.

You had to grin as she stared down at you in confusion as the glasses slid down a few millimeters on the bridge of her nose.

"I asked you something.."

"And what did you ask?"

"So ..", you started after your fingers had moved to her glasses and you had pushed them up again.

"Imagine you had to decide: Either you are the only mortal human among immortal humans or you are the only human who is undying among all mortal humans.. What do you choose?"

"Is that a test?"

"A test for what?"

"For finding out if I'm a psychopath or something like that?" She asked, still staring down at you, frowning.

"No ..." you shook your head. "I just saw it earlier on instagram and was just thinking about it .."

She looked at you thoughtfully for a few seconds.

"I would probably want to be the immortal human among mortals .."

"For real?" You shouted, tilting your head.

"Then you should see all your friends die .."

Mina raised an eyebrow.

"Which friends?"

"Oh wow .." you rolled your eyes.

"So, am I a psychopath now?" She smiled and you could see her white teeth.

"No .." you mumbled as you started to play with her purple blouse.

"I would probably have taken that too .. but just because it would have been weird to be the only person who would have to die at some point .."

Mina let out a low snort.

"Imagine that, a graveyard for one person ..".

"Yes! .." you exclaimed cockily. "I would probably be exhibited in a museum as the only human corpse. And I would get a coffin made of gold and people would come from all over the world just to see me dead .."

"Or some crazy scientist would use your dead body for their projects .."

"Ew .." you made and grimaced. "That wouldn't be that great ..".

"Better to be immortal, then ..", Mina said with a grin before leaning forward to put her newspaper on the table.

"Now I have a question for you, Y / N .."

"Oh yeah?" You looked confused into her brown eyes and she hummed in agreement as her fingers started to comb through your hair.

"Okay, imagine a bitter old woman comes up to you and asked you, if you want to marry her, what would you answer?"

"I would say no, of course ..." you said, tilting your head to one side.

"First of all, I don't find old, bitter women really attractive and, secondly, why should I marry an old, bitter woman when I can just have the most beautiful woman in the world?"

Mina laughed softly before tapping the tip of your nose with her index finger.

"You know what I'm getting at ..".

"What I know is that you could then leave your show-off house and then finally move into my horror apartment ..", you grinned cheekily at her and she just rolled her eyes.

"You know, I've been thinking, Y / N .." she continued, suddenly sounding serious. "We've been a couple for almost a year now and the only person who knows about it is your aunt and some of your friends .."

"Should I start tagging you on my pictures now?" You laughed.

"You're the one who doesn't like all the love stuff in public and that's not supposed to be a reproach .. I-"

"I want to get to know your parents ..", she interrupted you and looked at you carefully.

You met her gaze for a few seconds before you swallowed.

"My parents?" You repeated quietly.

"Your parents."

"Uhm..okay..that's unexpected .." you muttered as you rose from her lap to sit up.

"So my parents are nice people, but you know, that they dont now that I am ... you know-"

"That you are attracted to old, bitter women?"

"Oh shut up Mina .." you hissed and slapped her gently on the upper arm.

"If you say that again, break your stupid stick and throw it in the fireplace ..".

"Ouhh now I'm scared .." Mina teased, grinning, but you just shook your head.

For a moment there was silence between the two of you and Mina was finally the one who interrupted them.

"I don't want to force you to do it and if you say, you don't want to do that, then that's okay .. I don't want to drive a wedge between you and your parents either .." she said and put her hand on yours. Your gaze landed on her hand, ran down her arm to finally meet her face.

"Maybe it's a good idea .." you muttered and she smiled gently.

"At some point I have to tell them anyway .."

-----------------------------

"Hello beautiful woman .." you greet your girlfriend who entered your shop. Like she did every Tuesday night after work ... It was one of your favorite traditions in your relationship.

"How can I help you today?", You smiled brightly at her as she leaned against your counter

"Well Miss Y / L / N, my wonderful girlfriend and I will be with her parents for dinner for the first time tomorrow evening .. You know, her parents don't know that she is a lesbian ...", Mina explained seriously and brought you to grin.

"That sounds interesting .."

"That's it! We're both just pretty nervous and I thought it would be a good idea to bring flowers to her parents ...".

"That's a great idea, Miss Venable .. what were you thinking of?", You tilted your head and wandered your eyes over the woman who was just standing in front of you.

The lavender suit, the way her hair was perfect and the dark lipstick ... she was so fucking beautiful.

Mina cleared her throat briefly when she realized that your attention was no longer on your conversation.

"You know, Miss Y / L / N, I love to watch your talented little fingers remove the thorns from the roses ..", she playfully raised an eyebrow and you couldn't help but laugh.

"How vulgar, Miss Venable .. just make sure that your girlfriend doesn't notice this, otherwise she'll get jealous ..".

You bent down briefly to get the box with the red roses from under the table. You put them on the table between you and Mina and took out the small knife to start removing the thorns.

"How was your day, honey?" You finally asked her after a minute had passed.

"Good," she said curtly.

"Good?", You looked at her grinning. "You sound like a school child who is asked how it was in school ..".

Mina shrugged her shoulders.

"I hate those idiots from my office, but that's nothing new ..".

"Imagine if I would work for you .. maybe you wouldn´t hate it so much anymore ..", you muttered while you still slid your knife over the flower stems.

"I think that wouldn't be a good idea .."

You just nodded and stared intently at the roses in front of you.

"What about the purple roses?", Your friend suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You had these roses once and never again .."

"That was a special delivery .." you explained and reached under the counter, took out the paper and wrapped the roses in it.

"But we can also make some ourselves ..".

You put the flowers in Mina's arms and looked expectantly into her confused face.

"How is that supposed to work?" She asked.

"You water white roses with purple color .."

"Should we try it sometime ..", she mumbled and you nodded.

"Listen Mina, you wait in the car and I'll finish everything here and then we can go home .."

"Sounds good .." she replied just before she turned around and strutted out of the shop.

----------------------

Her dark eyes stared at Mina in the mirror as she smoothed her blouse with her hands. Miss Venable was usually never nervous, which was because, due to her dominant demeanor, she almost always had the strings in hand when it came to dealing with other people and she didn't care how much she hurt someone with her words. But that was you, her precious little princess and what she wanted least of all was to see you sad because of her. She also knew that she couldn't win over your parents if she intimidated them.

She leaned forward to apply her dark lipstick when you stepped into the bathroom behind her and let out an impressed whistle.

"Is that the blouse you wore on our first date?" You asked, examining the silk fabric on Mina's skin.

"Yes .." she muttered.

Miss Venable's eyes watched you in the mirror while she admired how beautiful you looked in the dress you were wearing.

"My parents should just like you and not want to go to bed with you .." you said with a grin when her eyes found yours in the mirror.

"Ha ha ..", Mina made dry before she screwed the cap of her lipstick back on and turned to you.

"Are you ready?" She asked and you nodded while you smiled wryly.

"You look beautiful .." she muttered and planted a quick kiss on your temple before walking past you to leave the house.

"So to summarize again what my parents know ... or rather

what they think they know .. "you started staring out the window of the moving car.

"Well, actually they don't know anything .. I think they used to think that I had something with my best friend because he was my homecoming date .. And now they think I was single and I told them on telephone you were a good friend... "

"That sounds like it will be a very relaxed evening ..", Mina joked and you couldn't help but grin.

"I'm just afraid it might be a little too much .."

"Too much?" Mina repeated confused.

"Is it a good idea to come out and bring your girlfriend with you? Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with you .."

"Well ... you have a point, but let's speculate ..", Mina said when the car stopped at a traffic light.

"How could they react?"

"So .. we have these two iconic situations: The first situation would be this "we always knew it mimimi".

The other situation would be that they will be angry ... and so angry that they don't want to see me anymore .. "you explained and Mina could hear the concern in your voice.

"Something like that is sure not going to happen ..", Mina muttered as she took her right hand from the steering wheel and placed it on your thigh.

"I hope so .."

You were silent for the rest of the journey and that's why Mina decided not to say anything. Would you want her words, you would let her know.

"Here we are ..", Mina mumbled when she finally parked the car in front of your parents' modest house. She looked at you sideways and found that you were staring at the house as if you were about to start crying.

"Hey .." she cooed gently and grabbed your chin to force you to look at her.

"Everything will be fine..".

She examined your worried face and grinned when she saw that there was still a print of her lipstick on your temple.

"What?" You asked confused.

"You have my lipstick on your face ..", Mina mumbled and wiped her thumb over the print to remove it.

"And I think you don't want your parents to find out about your homosexuality that way."

"Not funny ..", you rolled your eyes.

Mina glanced at the car clock.

"We should go in, princess, we are already 5 minutes late .."

"Okay .. here we go ..", you mumbled and suddenly sounded brave as you leaned forward to press your lips against Minas for a moment.

When you both stood in front of your parents' front door and your mother opened the door for you both beaming, Mina immediately noticed the resemblance between you and your mother. This woman seemed just as straightforward as you, and you both had the same laugh. If your mom were really as carefree as you, then the evening wouldn't be complicated, Mina thought as she greeted your mother.

The first half of the evening was totally relaxed, your parents seemed to be really nice people, as far as Mina could tell.

While your mother was just as crazy as you, your father was a bit more introverted, but he had the same sense of humor as you and he was the one who cooked. A fact that somehow gave Mina hope, as it showed that your parents didn't seem to care about the old gender roles (cooking housewife and working businessman).

It was really nice. Mina, who usually had her problems with people, thought she might really like your parents at some point. they didn't ask private questions, didn't let an awkward silence reign, and were totally open-hearted people.

And yet she felt how nervous you were while you were sitting next to her at the dining table and trying to choke the food down even though you were probably extremely sick. Usually you played with your fingers when you were nervous or excited, but since your hands were holding the cutlery, it was your leg that was pushing off the floor all the time. And it was Mina who then, invisible to your parents, put her hand on your knee to calm you down.

It was around 9 o'clock when the four of you ran out of conversation and it was you who finally broke the silence.

"Well uhm, I actually came to tell you something .." you said and your voice sounded thick. Immediately all pairs of eyes were focused on you and Mina tensed her hand on your thigh to show you that she was there.

"Oh yeah?" Your mom asked confused before you nodded.

"Well, you always wanted me to be in a relationship with someone .." you continued and stared lost at the half-empty wine glass in front of you.

"And surprise..I'm in a relationship .."

"Oh really?", Mina could see your mother's eyes starting to glow and she wondered if the whole thing was really a good idea.

"Yes ..".

"Who is he?" Asked your father.

"Well uhm she's sitting right next to me ..".

Mina closed her eyes for a moment when she felt the confused looks of your parents on her. For a few seconds no one said anything and she felt you start to slide back and forth on your chair.

"Oh ..", Your mom finally pounded when she understood what you were talking about.

Mina opened her eyes again and stared into the flame of the candle that was on the table.

"You and Wilhemina ..?", Your mom looked confused between Mina and you.

"We've been together for almost a year .." you added and Mina heard your voice break at the end.

"What does being together mean?" Your mom asked sharply.

"She is my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend like best friend?"

"No, girlfriend like i love her ..", you muttered and looked carefully at Mina who smiled gently at you while she rubbed your thigh.

"Does that mean that you .....?", Your mother stared at you with her eyes wide open.

"I'm a lesbian, yes .." you said firmly and returned her gaze.

"Damn it .." your mom muttered and fell back into her chair.

Finally your father cleared his throat, too, who hadn't moved an inch before.

"How long have you known?" He asked, leaning forward.

"Since Highschool i guess ..".

"Since high school? Are you kidding me?" Your mom shouted angrily and Mina could feel you flinch under her hand.

"Why are you telling us this now?"

"Maybe because your most asked question to me was whether I have a boyfriend or when I will finally get one ..?" You croaked.

"Because we thought you were straight .." your mom yelled back. "If we had known that you were into women, we would never have asked such a thing .."

"I thought you'd be disappointed or something."

"Disappointed? Oh damn Y / N ..", your mother shook her head in disbelief and looked at you sadly.

"Can you say something too, Dad?" You asked after two minutes of more silence as you looked away from your mother to look at your father, who was staring at you thoughtfully.

"I uh ... so when you have a daughter, as a father, you imagine all the things your child has in store for you ..." your dad began.

"That includes the person your daughter wants to grow old with at some point and I just imagined that this person was a man and now it's a woman .. And now I need a few seconds to turn this man into one woman .. if you understand.."

"Okay ..." you replied quietly.

"You know, at the same time I wonder if I have said anything homophobic in all the years of your childhood that could have scared you .." he continued and you nodded slowly.

"Who knows it?" Your mother suddenly asked.

"Uhm .. some friends and aunt Phoebe .."

"Aunt Phoebe?" Your mother frowned when you mentioned your aunt.

You shrugged your shoulders.

"She noticed that Mina only comes to the flower shop when I'm there and then wanted to know why .."

"My sister knows that my daughter is a lesbian and I don't know?" Your mother called, sounding reproachful.

"I was afraid that you would be angry or something .." you defended yourself.

"Y / N you're still our damn daughter .." your mother mumbled and swore again.

"No Y / N, you are our daughter .." your dad interfered.

"There is no place for a  'still' because you are simply our daughter and your sexuality could never change that .. Who you love is your business and you do not need our permission .."

You stared at him and felt tears welling up in your eyes.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that .." you muttered before getting up and walking over to your dad to give him a hug.

"Thank you so much .." you whispered against the fabric of his shirt.

Suddenly you felt your mom, who had also got up, put a hand on your shoulder and pulled you from your dad's arms into hers.

And while you all played happy family, Mina was still sitting a little lost at the dining table and watching the situation in front of her. It all happened faster than expected.

In her  eyes, your father had taken it a little better than your mom, who seemed a little disappointed because you had only told them now.

"I should go to the bathroom to fix my make-up ..." you mumbled and smiled sheepishly as you withdrew from your mom's arms.

Your mother just nodded before you turned around to jump out of the room, leaving Mina alone with your parents.

"So you're a lesbian too .." said your mother, mumbling as your parents sat down again.

"I am.", Mina replied curtly and pressed her lips together.

"And is that serious between you?"

"It is."

"This is probably the moment when I should threaten to kill you if you break her heart .." joked your father.

"I'll propose to her," Mina said firmly.

"So it's really serious ..", your mother's eyes widened at Mina's words.

"It is .." repeated she.

"Well, we would be happy if you would invite us to your wedding..", your dad interjected and Mina decided at that moment that she liked your parents.

A few seconds later you were standing in the doorway and had your radiant smile back on.

"I think we should go now, Mina .." you said and Mina hummed in agreement.

"That's a good idea.."

As soon as you were outside, after hugging your parents for a long time, you jumped into the arms of your girlfriend to kiss every inch of her face.

"Jesus Y / N ..", Mina muttered, who stumbled a few steps back from your sudden attack.

"I'm such an idiot ..", you laughed. "I've been worrying for free all these years and now they have reacted so well to it ... I should have done that much earlier .."

Mina smiled as she pressed a quick kiss on your forehead.

"I'm proud of you, princess .."

"So and now ..", you shouted cockily and pulled her hand to your car.

"Now I want to get to know your mother .."

"No way..You don’t want to meet that witch ..".

----------------------

"Come on, Y / N .. you promised me .." Mina pleaded.

"But it's really cold up there and besides, I'm tired .." you replied.

It was New Year's Eve and the two of you had decided to spend the evening at your apartment and then climb onto the roof around midnight to watch the fireworks. To your surprise, it was Mina who suggested going to you, although she usually doesn't like visiting your "horror apartment".

"If you put on your winter jacket you won't be cold and besides, I'm there ..", Mina tried further.

"You know, I think the idea of ​​you as a human heater is really cute, but we could just drive to you ..".

"That wouldn't be the same."

You sighed.

"Okay ..", you mumbled and had your friend give you your coat.

Surprisingly, you found out that you were the only ones on the roof. At least you couldn't see any of your neighbors when you went over the roof to your self-made bed.

It was currently 11:37 pm and until the fireworks started at midnight you had enough time to watch the beautiful starry sky, as you always did when you were with her.

Your head was on her shoulder as always while she had an arm around you as always and was playing with your hair.

"I actually wanted to talk to you .." you mumbled after a few minutes.

"Is everything okay?", Mina asked and looked down at you worriedly.

You nodded quickly.

"Yeah .. it's just uhm, you know I love the flower shop, but I don't think that's what I want to do for the rest of my life ..".

"No?"

"No ..", you said. "That's why I'll catch up on my school leaving certificate and then probably study something ..".

"Thats great, princess .." Mina smiled gently at you.

"And what do you want to study?"

"History .. I guess and then I'd like to work as a professor .. At schools or colleges .." you mumbled.

"Professor sounds hot," said Mina and you had to laugh.

"The good thing is that when I study I can still live with you."

"Yes?"

"Yep .." you nodded. "We have a college in town, in case you forgot .. and if they take me, I don't have to move to campus ..".

"That would be great ..", Mina muttered and glanced at her watch.

11:52

"In 10 minutes it will be ready ..".

"Ouhh, we should stand by the railing .." you said before you jumped up and stretched your arm to help Mina up.

"Well ..", you began as you clung to the railing of the roof and leaned forward a little so that Mina was afraid you would fall off the roof at any moment.

"Josh lives back there ..", you explained and pointed with an outstretched finger at another tower block. "He is the brother of a friend of mine. He makes a lot of fireworks with his friends every year. Then my neighbors, the Andrews, who are not there today for whatever reason, always let a lot of fireworks rise from our roof, even though it is actually is forbidden .. And then there are all the people on the street who bring their fireworks .. ".

You stared at a group of people who were standing on the corner of the street in front of the bakery and were already setting off fireworks

"It occurred to me, I think Josh broke his leg and can't even go on the roof .." you mumbled with a frown and Mina hummed in agreement, not even listening to you.

As your eyes wandered over the city, hers glued to you and looked at you lovingly. She looked at her watch one more time (11:55) and took a short breath before reaching into the pocket of her coat to feel the velvet-covered can with her fingers.

You didn't even notice it when you were still happy watching other people's fireworks

"Okay, Y / N .. I'm not good at this, but I'll try my best, okay?" Mina said suddenly and you looked at her confused.

"What do you mean?"

"We've been together for almost a year and I have no regrets, except for one small thing .."

"Oh yeah?" You frowned as she continued.

"About a year ago you asked me in the evening, if I believed in love at first sight and I told you, that I generally don't believe in love and that was actually a lie. So it was true somewhere, I didn't believe in love until the moment I walked into your little flower shop and saw you cut your finger because of your lack of concentration.

You know how much I hate people, but with you it's different..I can't hate you and I never could hate you and I hope that you understand that between all the 'hate' I try to explain to you how much I love you .. because I do and I have no idea what I would do without you, I would probably just be a bitter old woman .. ", she finished and grinned when she saw you roll your eyes.

"I hope you're not mad at me, because I can't get down on my knees because of my handicap .." she mumbled and took out the small velvet box to hold it towards you.

"But do you want to marry me?"

You stared at her in shock.

"Shit, that wasn't a joke?"

"Does that mean no?", Mina frowned.

"God no! I'm just- Oh damn, Mina, of course I want to marry you ..", you grabbed her face between your hands and pulled her close to kiss her tightly.

"This is going to be great .." your eyes lit up as you pulled back.

"I already have so many ideas for the wedding, I'll take your name and all that .. Y / N Venable sounds amazing, change my mind.. and then I'll move in to your house and then I can catch up with school and maybe one day we'll adopt a lot of children from poor countries..".

"Slowly, Y / N ..", Mina laughed and took your hand to slide the ring onto your finger.

"We still have enough time to plan, let's celebrate New Year's Eve now, please..”

"God, it is beautiful .." you muttered, staring at the silver ring on your finger. Mina smiled as she leaned over to press her lips against your forehead.

"Happy new year, princess .."

"Happy new year, my dear future-wife.."

[melanielocke]

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 15

AO3

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite

Previous Chapter: Chapter 14

Next Chapter: Chapter 16

Will covered his face with his hand. ‘I do not understand why after yesterday you’d want to return to the woods,’ he said. ‘Well, I understand the recklessness of some of you, but I was expecting a little more sense from Alastair.’

Lucie had to agree that if any of them had the common sense not to run towards danger, it was Alastair.

‘If we do nothing, we stand little chance of saving Thomas,’ Alastair said, his voice betraying no emotion but he did seem a bit stiff.

‘Excellent point. I’ve heard I am to congratulate you, by the way, Alastair. And Thomas too, of course. Here I was hoping that after James and Cordelia broke up, I’d have another chance for a Carstairs in the family with you and Lucie.’

Lucie wished she could disappear. She deeply regretted telling her father about her crush on Alastair, almost two years ago. Nowadays, she realized she’d probably just looked up to him, she had been grateful for the way he’d defended her. She had liked him better than most boys in school, and had mistaken that for a crush. However, when it came to boys in school, the bar was on the floor.

Alastair, for his part, looked horrified. ‘That will never happen. I’m gay.’

‘So am I!’ declared Lucie. She figured this was as good a time as any to bring it up, and she’d been meaning to tell everyone anyway.

Everyone stared at her. Alastair looked amused. ‘Well, that is one way to come out. Congratulations, Lucie.’

Her father looked surprised. ‘Really? You always told me about boys you liked.’

Lucie shrugged. ‘Yeah, that’s weird,’ she said. ‘I think at some point I started looking at girls and realized what I felt for boys didn’t really compare.’

Lucie wasn’t sure that made sense, but on the internet she’d discovered plenty of lesbians had had crushes on boys before realizing. Feelings were confusing for sure, and the longer Lucie thought about it, the more she began to understand those oblivious book characters who were obviously in love but had no clue.

‘I didn’t realize,’ Will said. ‘But I’m glad you told me. Can’t wait until you tell us about any girls you like.’

Considering her father’s fondness for the Carstairs family and how determined he was to bring one into the family, Lucie wasn’t sure telling him how she felt about Cordelia was a good idea. She didn’t doubt her father would think it a good idea to help, which would end in disaster.

Lucie felt that was enough said about the topic for now. ‘Back to our plan,’ she continued. ‘We need to find the selkie skin, which according to our source is located in the woods, in the land in between. The same place Alastair and Thomas ended up finding yesterday. There was a trap door they couldn’t open, but cortana could cut through the lock, so that’s our way in.’

Lucie didn’t mention the minor risk of getting trapped all the way in the realm of the thief of souls. Nor were they completely sure the trap door hid the selkie skin, but it had to hide something interesting, right?

‘Hold on, whose selkie skin, and why?’ Will asked.

Cordelia summarized last night’s visit. ‘Grace needs that skin, or she will be forced to use her power on us. Even if our plan has its risks, the risk of doing nothing is falling under the spell of a siren.’

‘I thought you said she was a selkie,’ Will said.

‘Something in between, I think,’ Cordelia said. ‘She is a selkie, but she has the voice of a siren. Something about myths being muddled. I don’t know, I can’t say I have much experience with the lovely ladies of the sea. That’s what she called herself, by the way.’

Lucie had to admit Grace was indeed quite lovely.

Will sighed. ‘I guess you’re right that someone has to go. I’d do it myself, but there must be a reason she asked for Cordelia specifically and I don’t have any weapons. But I do want you to be back by dinner. Now hurry before Tessa, Gideon or Sophie learns of your plans.’ A playful smile appeared on her father’s lips. ‘And if anyone asks, this conversation never happened.’

Lucie quickly put on some walking shoes, heart beating fast until the four of them were out of sight and she was sure her mother couldn’t stop them anymore. Her father might be lenient when it came to recklessness, but her mother was not.

‘If anyone gets mad at us, I’m definitely blaming your father,’ Alastair announced.

‘That’s not fair,’ Lucie protested. ‘He covered for us.’

‘Let’s just focus on our mission,’ Thomas offered. ‘Yesterday, we took this path and it took us to the ruins.’

She followed Thomas and Alastair, who remembered how they’d come upon the ruins yesterday. It was a nice route, Lucie had to admit that, with a small pond on the side. In the end, after a long walk by Lucie’s standards, they exited the woods back where Lucie had entered to follow Tatiana, at the side of the village.

Lucie frowned. ‘Are you sure that was the right route?’ she asked. ‘I didn’t see any ruins.’

‘Perhaps the entrance is somewhere different today,’ Thomas suggested. ‘Maybe we should go back and try another path.’

After trying several paths and walking for hours, Lucie was getting tired. She wasn’t used to taking walks this long like Thomas and Alastair were and she was pretty sure she had blisters on both feet. Determined not to complain, she trailed behind the two boys, who kept exchanging longing stares. They really were adorable together. Thomas at some point took Alastair’s hand in his, which caused Alastair to stop in his tracks. Lucie nearly bumped into him.

‘Why isn’t this working?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Well, yesterday was the first time we found the ruins,’ Thomas said. ‘Before that, the forest was normal. Apart from some gnomes, things like that. Nothing unusual, at least. Perhaps today, the gateway isn’t there. Or perhaps there’s another trick to reaching it.’

‘Is there anything we did different yesterday?’ Alastair wondered.

‘We didn’t intend to find the land in between,’ Thomas said. ‘What if we cannot find it now that we’re actively looking?’

‘Then how would Tatiana find it?’ Alastair asked. ‘If that’s where she hid Grace’ skin, she can’t have stumbled on the ruins by accident like we did.’

‘Could be part of the deal she made, her learning how to come there,’ Lucie said. ‘Is there anything else you did differently?’

‘We were there earlier,’ Alastair added. ‘Thomas decided to sleep in today, whereas yesterday he and I went into the woods early in the morning.’

‘I think I was on my way there when I followed Tatiana,’ Lucie added. ‘When I returned, Cordelia said I was gone for an hour when it didn’t feel that way, just like you were gone for a whole day.’

‘I’m not sure stalking Tatiana until we can follow her there is such a good idea,’ Alastair said. ‘Perhaps we should try it again tomorrow morning.’

They tried again the next morning, and then in the evening for a short walk, but no result. She had patched up her feet with blister band aids from her mother’s first aid kit and kept going, even if her feet were still hurting and it was getting worse. It wasn’t the time, it turned out, and Lucie started to get frustrated. Grace hadn’t come back, and how were they supposed to get her skin if they couldn’t get back into the land in between?

The third morning, after another fruitless attempt to find the land in between, her mother was waiting for them in the hallway when they returned to the house.

‘Where have you been all morning?’ she scolded.

Lucie realized none of them had a good excuse for this morning. Most of the time, no one had noticed them return, and they had been ‘reading’ the whole time in their bedrooms. At least for Thomas and Alastair, it was believable that they’d want to spend time together in a bedroom “reading” any time of the day. She looked around to see if anyone would come up with something. At least Cordelia was a decent liar. But no one offered a believable excuse and Lucie had no inspiration.

‘We were looking for a way back into the land in between,’ Lucie said, deciding not to reveal her father’s role in their adventures. ‘But we couldn’t find it. So no harm done, we weren’t in danger and the only injuries sustained are my blisters.’

Her mother sighed. ‘You’re just like your father, Lucie. But I’d hoped some of you had more sense.’

Her mother looked at Alastair, her expression stern. ‘I thought you could be a voice of reason among them, Alastair. I don’t understand why you’d do something so reckless. Promise me you won’t go into the woods again.’

Lucie agreed that out of the four of them, Alastair probably had the most common sense, but it was almost painful to see Alastair respond. Lucie knew her mother often came across as harsher than she meant, but Alastair probably didn’t. His face went blank, he retreated back into his shell. Lucie might not have noticed anything was wrong if Cordelia had not looked so concerned.

‘I’m sorry to have disappointed you, dr. Gray,’ he said and before anyone else could say anything, Alastair disappeared inside, presumably to his bedroom.

Her mother had a PhD and did all sorts of medical research, Lucie knew she liked it when people called her by her title, but at the same time she’d hoped Alastair was close enough to her parents to call them by their first names.

Thomas and Cordelia also made their way inside before her mother could get angry with them too, Lucie remaining behind.

‘It was for Thomas,’ Lucie said. ‘We needed to find the place in between again. We needed to find Grace’ selkie skin or else Tatiana will force Grace to enchant us with her voice.’

Tessa sighed, putting her hand on Lucie’s shoulder. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Lucie? We could have gone in your place.’

Lucie figured she shouldn’t tell her mother her father had encouraged her to go.

‘I didn’t want you to put yourself in danger,’ Lucie said. ‘Cordelia has cortana, Alastair has his memory, so they had to go. I think you’ve upset Alastair, I better go check if he’s alright.’

Tessa sighed. ‘No, I will check on him. You’re right, I was too harsh on him. I didn’t consider… Never mind, I’ll go. But don’t think you’re out of trouble, young lady. You’re not leaving the house until otherwise specified.’

Lucie groaned and went inside, taking off her shoes and replacing the patches on her blisters. She had a pair of fit flops she could still wear, and Lucie decided that even if those shoes weren’t the most suitable for the forest, she would wear them for their next walk. If she was ever allowed to leave the house again, that was.

She wasn’t sure where Cordelia or Thomas had gone, upstairs to find Alastair? Perhaps she should join them, but her father found her first.

‘Tessa caught you,’ he concluded, sitting down next to her.

Lucie made a face. ‘Now I’m not allowed to leave the house.’

‘I’ll talk to her,’ her father promised. ‘Have you found anything yet?’

‘No,’ Lucie said. ‘I don’t understand why. Thomas and Alastair one day walked into the land in between on accident, but now we can’t find it and it’s frustrating and my feet hurt and these blisters are bursting open.’ She paused. ‘Did you see where Thomas and Cordelia went?’

‘Upstairs,’ Will said. ‘I’m thinking they’re talking to Alastair. He seemed rather upset. Is everything alright with him?’

Lucie sighed. ‘I think it’s something mom said. She didn’t mean to hurt him, but because he’s the oldest out of the four of us and definitely the one with the most common sense, she said that she’d expected more from him.’

She couldn’t explain it exactly, she didn’t always understand what upset Alastair. But she suspected Alastair felt like he didn’t deserve to be here, or that her parents liking him was very conditional. Perhaps in Alastair’s mind, all love was conditional, and any mistake he made meant he’d lose someone’s love. Lucie was trying to understand what was going on in his head. As a writer, she should be able to understand how people thought and why they did what they did. As a friend, she should be able to offer support. She wasn’t sure she was doing a good job with either.

‘I imagine that’s difficult for him to hear,’ Will said. He sighed. ‘This is all my fault. I’ll talk to your mother, and tell her I encouraged you to go.’

‘Mom will be very mad with you,’ Lucie said.

‘Now she’s angry with you, and I deserve it more,’ Will said. A playful smile lit up his face. ‘Besides, you’re not little princess Lucinda who needs to be locked in a tower, that’s for sure. What’s life without a little risk?’

Lucie wondered if he’d feel the same way after facing her mother.

She went outside into the garden on her fit flops to feel the sun on her skin after reapplying sun screen. The weather was nice today, not too hot, a soft breeze against her cheek, and only a few clouds in the air. That could change any moment though, Scotland was known for is changeable weather. A good atmosphere for a nice romantic scene, or bonding between friends or family. Or just fun scenes that might not need to be in the book but balanced out the dark ones. Lucie felt a book should be balanced in that sense. While she loved drama and darkness, she did not like gritty stories where everything was dark and terrible. She liked to balance out the darkness with a sweet romance or gentle characters still remaining kind and hopeful in the worst circumstances. Or characters who might have turned bitter, but were trying to be better. Thomas had a bit of a weakness for those, which totally wasn’t because that archetype resembled Alastair.

The garden still counted as the house, right? She suspected Thomas and Cordelia were both still with Alastair and she didn’t think it would be a good idea to join them. She didn’t know Alastair as well as Cordelia did, she feared she’d only say the wrong thing. Besides, Alastair didn’t seem to like people taking care of him or fussing over him, Cordelia had told her she sometimes had to force him to let her protect him for once. Lucie feared her mother’s comment had reinforced some deeply held belief of his that he was worthless, even if she had never intended to make him feel that way.

She wondered how she’d never seen something was not right at the Carstairs home. Cordelia hadn’t either, but she remembered how when she was young, Cordelia would sometimes come to her for sleepovers, whereas Cordelia’s parents had rarely invited her over at their house. Of course, when she was little Lucie would get homesick and preferred having sleep overs at her own house anyway, so it had never bothered her.

And when Lucie was little, her father would always come sing her a Welsh lullaby. He was Welsh through his father, whereas the house here in Scotland had been in her grandmother’s family for some time. He was a horrible singer, and it was hilarious how he kept trying and did not care what people thought. It was sweet and Lucie had always felt safe and protected when her father came to tuck her in and sing his horrible songs. Cordelia had told her it was usually Alastair who sang her good night songs and tucked her in. That had made sense too. Alastair had a beautiful voice after all, and who wouldn’t want to listen to him sing? Back then, Alastair had seemed much older and wiser than the two of them, but really, he’d been a child too.

And Cordelia had regularly had to cancel plans because her father was sick and she couldn’t leave him. Lucie had understood, although the disappointment never quite faded. But when Lucie’s father was sick, he might whine and moan like a typical man flu patient and complain that he needed uncle Jem’s care and support, but he would never have asked Lucie to choose taking care of him over spending time with the few friends she had.

None of those things had struck her as odd in childhood, but now she was thinking maybe they should have. Maybe someone should have seen something was not right at the Carstairs house. Perhaps then Alastair wouldn’t be in so much pain now.

‘Lucie!’

Lucie looked up, but didn’t see anyone calling out her name. Nor did she recognize the voice. It was a smooth, feminine voice.

‘Over here!’ the voice hissed and Lucie followed the sound to the trees and recognized Grace.

‘What are you doing here?’ Lucie asked.

‘Tatiana left me alone. She didn’t realize I had enough free will left to come here.’

‘I’m sorry, we don’t have your skin yet,’ Lucie said.

Grace rolled her eyes. ‘I know. I’ve seen you walk in the woods once or twice. Honestly, that was embarrassing.’

Lucie frowned. ‘How so?’

‘You never even opened the gateway,’ Grace said.

‘How are we supposed to do that? We’re not Tatiana!’ Lucie exclaimed. ‘And Alastair and Thomas entered the land in between by accident.’

‘It sucks people in sometimes,’ Grace said. ‘But rarely by accident. Alastair was targeted when he and Thomas came there, Tatiana found out he has a memory ability and she thinks he’s a threat to her plans. I think she’s scared her brother will remember something. That’s why the werewolf was after him.’

Lucie frowned. ‘They know about that?’

‘Yes. But they do not yet know about you,’ Grace said. ‘I figured it out when I realized you could see Jesse. You better get my skin back before she realizes what you are. She’ll want you dead for sure.’

‘What I am?’ Lucie asked.

‘You have power, Lucie,’ Grace said. ‘You’re a witch.’

‘No, I’m not,’ Lucie said. ‘I just see ghosts. That’s all.’

‘I know you see ghosts. You talked to Jesse. Do you have any idea how rare that ability is?’

‘I’ve never met anyone else who could do it.’

‘Exactly!’ Grace exclaimed. ‘You have no idea what you’re capable of. You can open a gateway into the land in between. And even more important, if you find yourself trapped you can open the way back.’

‘How do you know?’ Lucie asked.

‘Because I have heard legends of one other person like you. A witch who was born centuries ago. She wasn’t like other humans who used magic, she used dark magic, but hadn’t acquired it through a deal and there was no price to pay to something powerful. As a little girl, all she knew was she saw ghosts. And when ghosts stayed around her, they became stronger. But she learnt there was much more she could do and grew stronger. She learnt to open those gateways and use them as a weapon, she learnt to control the dead.’

Lucie was horrified. She could do such things? ‘What happened to her?’

‘As a woman of her time, and an odd one at that, she was treated badly of course. At some point she snapped and became a dangerous, evil witch. Who can blame her, honestly. She was defeated by the ancestor of the Carstairs, the one who carries cortana. Before he could deliver the killing blow, she jumped into the sea and drowned herself. She lost her dark magic, but came back to life as a daughter of the sea, a mermaid. She repented, changed, and lived her life peacefully in the sea. That is how we know her story.’

Lucie frowned. ‘I don’t want to be an evil witch,’ she said.

Grace’s grey eyes were cold and void of emotion. ‘Then don’t be. Just because magic is dark doesn’t mean it’s evil. Be a good witch or a neutral one or whatever you want to be. But you can’t change that you are a witch, and I need you to find my skin. You, the bearer of cortana, and the one with the memory. Without you it can’t be done. But you need to know what you can do, you need to open a gateway.’

‘How?’ Lucie asked.

‘It’s your power, not mine,’ Grace said. ‘Go figure it out. I need to get back before Tatiana realizes I am missing. They say when the witch wanted something, all she had to do was ask. So be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.’

[violetwolfraven]

Ray Molina: Best Dad Ever

For the March 11th explosion of content thing. Just Violet being a fantom and doing my part for this!

Tw: mentioned death, mentioned abusive parents, mentioned panic attack.

So the boys can be seen and heard when directly touching Julie after the whole post-Orpheum glowy hug thing but Ray doesn’t know that just yet.

What he does know is that Julie’s mental health took a rapid turn for the better for seemingly no reason and then a couple weeks later he found out she joined a band without telling him.

He’s not stupid. He knows that’s probably because of the band, though he is a bit confused as to how she even met them.

He kinda figures it’s a kids and your internet tricks thing but there’s some flaws to this theory.

1) He asks Flynn what she knows about the boys only... it seems like she doesn’t know much of anything. That’s weird because he knows Julie tells her practically everything.

2) The boys have American accents despite Julie claiming they’re from Sweden.

3) Carlos is a terrible liar and on the rare occasion Julie actually talks about the boys he gets this weirdly conspiratorial look.

So anyway Ray doesn’t really believe it’s as simple as ‘I met these 3 Swedish boys on the internet’ but he trusts his daughter’s judgement and he leaves it alone.

Anyway he has other things to focus on.

Such as how Ray has literally never been able to keep track of his keys/phone/hats/camera parts/stuff and now it seems to just pop up whenever he’s looking for it.

Also he keeps feeling like there’s someone with him around the house more and more.

Like not a malicious presence like Victoria fears, and definitely not like Rose is around watching him, but like someone is there.

Sometimes it feels like there’s more than one presence around. None of them familiar but all of them friendly.

Oddly enough, whatever or whoever it is feels almost like Julie or Carlos. Young and excitable and like a verse of a happy song. He’s not sure why they’re around, but they definitely don’t feel dangerous, so Ray doesn’t feel threatened.

But some days a better comparison might be to Trevor back when Rose first introduced him. Raw and fragile and very, very sad.

Ray tries to put on happy music or a Disney cartoon or something on those days and he doesn’t quite know why or how but the energy usually gets more positive when he does that.

Anyway after a while of this (after the Orpheum performance) he starts noticing weird things that Carlos and Julie do now.

Carlos will just carry around a small whiteboard and a couple pens and he erases it whenever Ray comes into the room but before he does it almost looks like there’s two, three, or even four sets of handwriting on there.

And he walks in on Julie talking to herself like. All the time.

Carlos doesn’t ask for help on his math homework anymore. Julie makes this insanely good chicken recipe for dinner once and then clearly panics and lies when asked where she got it. Flynn makes a set of rainbow friendship bracelets one day while she’s hanging out at the Molina house but he doesn’t see Julie wearing the match to the one she keeps.

Plus Carrie starts hanging out at their house again?? Out of the blue?? And none of the girls have a good explanation for how they made up??

Then later Nick Danforth-Evans (who Julie used to talk about having a crush on but hasn’t in a while) starts hanging around too and the kid seems... well, Ray doesn’t want to throw the word ‘traumatized’ around, but he’s jumpy and guarded in a way that can only be described as a little bit traumatized.

So all 5 kids are clearly keeping some secret and Ray’s getting suspicious and worried.

He sits them down and asks what’s going on. Like is one of them having problems at home, or..?

The kids, simultaneously:

Julie: no, we’re just all in a play together!

Carlos: we’re fine we’re just ghost hunting!

Flynn: we’re exhibiting bisexual-pansexual-lesbian solidarity!

Carrie: Julie and the Phantoms and Dirty Candi are doing a collaboration album!

Nick: we all joined jazz band??

Ray’s calling bullshit at this point.

Then Julie and Nick both look up directly at the same spot, somewhere a couple feet above the arm of the couch, which is seemingly just empty air.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem like the other kids can see it but they all seem to be waiting for something and Ray is wondering if they’re sharing a hallucination??? Are they all on drugs??? Should he be worried???

Then Julie says to meet them in the studio in 30 minutes. Flynn, Carrie, and Nick go home to give the Molina family some alone time.

*cue music performance where Ray is introduced to the boys*

So anyway Julie and Carlos (with the help of the ghosts whenever one of them has something to say and grabs Julie’s hand) give him a clearly-sugarcoated version of the last few months.

Ghosts of Trevor’s dead bandmates help Julie reconnect with music, they form a band, they meet another ghost, other ghost accidentally gets them involved with evil magician ghost, Nick got possessed, Carrie figured it out and helped plot to get him un-possessed, evil magician ghost is still out there and they’re sticking together so he can’t get any of them in the future.

Despite how they say it like it’s no big deal, Ray now understands why the kids have been acting so weird because all these things sound scary and painful.

Also the more he thinks about it, the more he worries about the fact that he has three 17-year-old boys sleeping in his garage who died terribly of food poisoning.

They are children and they died incredibly painfully and then almost got enslaved and/or erased from existence.

Then one day Ray’s feeling one of those presences around the house again and he realizes it’s probably one of Julie’s ghost boys.

Ray: who’s there?

Whoever it is freaks out and leaves, and Ray takes notes for next time.

The next time he feels someone in the room, he has a notepad ready and he writes down “Luke, Alex, or Reggie?” from what he remembers from Julie’s introductions.

Immediately, there’s a spike of anxiety in the room.

Ray: it’s okay. You can stay and we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I’d like to know who it is I’m not talking to though.

There’s a few seconds of hesitation, and then the pen picks itself up and the name “Reggie” gets circled.

Ray: the bassist with the flannels, right?

Yeah, written in a teenage boy’s messy scrawl.

Ray: okay, do you want to watch a movie?

More hesitation, and Ray’s not sure what that’s about but he’s starting to suspect with the amount of fear still in the room, and there’s a good 20 seconds where Reggie doesn’t respond before I don’t know.

Ray: Moana or Tangled? Moana.

After that, he takes a page out of Carlos’s book and gets a small whiteboard with 3 pens that stick to it magnetically. Red for Reggie, blue for Luke, and pink for Alex.

Reggie has written conversations with him most, but Luke does sometimes too and Alex does least often but he’ll still request a movie occasionally.

All of them are wary around him and Ray doesn’t quite know what to do to earn their trust. But he asks questions about their preferences on things. He says they did good on their latest show. He remembers which movies are their favorites and introduces them to music he thinks are their styles.

Luke is a big fan of Fall Out Boy and Reggie fucking loves Taylor Swift.

Alex is less consistent but occasionally Ray will play a song and he’ll write something like This is a cool song.

He starts to be able to tell which energy is which even before they write who it is right around the time the boys start to be visible for longer and longer after playing.

They play a really good show and stay visible for like 2 full days and that’s the first (but not the last) time Ray really gets to get to know them.

He starts noticing after really good shows like that one how even more now that they can be seen, they’re all a little... off from how Nick and Carrie and Flynn act around him.

With Luke it’s mostly because he’s trying so hard to impress because *gasp* he and Julie are a thing but there’s still a little bit of tension that seems like it comes from something deeper than just being nervous around his girlfriend’s dad.

With Reggie it’s subtle caution. Like he’s happy to be hanging out with Ray but he’s constantly ready for something to go wrong. There’s a catch in his smile, a hesitation before he states an opinion, a practiced carefulness where he changes the subject at any sign of even mild frustration.

But with Alex... it’s mostly just avoidance. Like if he poofs in while visible and it just so happens that no one else is there, he’ll find an excuse to leave.

And Ray lets him, of course. He doesn’t want the kid to feel trapped. But all of the boys’ behavior bothers him.

On the rare occasion they spend more than 2 seconds together Alex is really quiet. He won’t admit if Ray guessed wrong about a song and he doesn’t like it even though his body language makes it clear he’s not vibing with it. Actually, his body language pretty much just spells I am very uncomfortable in every situation where Julie or Carlos went to the bathroom or someone went to grab a snack and they’re alone even for 5 minutes while he’s visible.

Ray’s not stupid. He knows three 17-year-olds don’t end up getting their instruments left to their only living bandmate’s new best friend’s family by having good relationships with their own families.

He doesn’t exactly want to bring it up, but he kind of knows.

Then one day he’s sitting with all 3 boys watching a movie while he fixes something on his camera and Julie and Carlos are at school and he messes up a little part that means he has to start over (don’t @ me I know nothing about cameras) and swears out of frustration louder than he meant to.

He reaches for the screwdriver on the coffee table and

And Reggie and Alex both flinch.

Ray hadn’t even noticed they were tracking his movements, but while Luke seems to just have moved his focus from the TV to his friends in concern, Alex and Reggie both look too tense to play it off.

He figures its as good a time as any to have a chat cause these boys aren’t his sons but they don’t have anyone else acting as a parent figure to them and he feels the need to take care of them. He pauses the movie.

Ray: Can we have a talk? About you boy’s families?

Naturally Luke jumps in to try to distract him immediately, telling a story about his dad taking him fishing once, but he stops when Ray asks him to stop.

Ray: That’s not what I’m talking about and I think you all know it.

The boys are all still silent. Luke looks 500% ready to deflect again. Reggie and Alex look more like they’re expecting to get yelled at or worse.

Ray: I just want to help. I’ll drop it if you want me to but I want you to know that I would never do something to hurt any of you intentionally. You can talk to me about anything if you need to.

He means to make it an option of ‘you can talk but you don’t have to if you don’t want to,’ but the boys clearly don’t take it as such with how Luke starts talking immediately.

Luke: I ran away when I was 17. My mom and dad didn’t want me to stay in Sunset Curve, I think they thought it was going to get me into drugs or something.

They have a short talk about parents having good intentions not equalling them being right to push Luke so hard they pushed him away and it’s okay to feel hurt by that and then press play on the movie again and Ray thinks he sees all 3 boys relax somewhat during that.

A couple weeks later Reggie comes in visible and hesitantly asks about watching this series he saw when Carlos was scrolling through Netflix once.

Mid-episode he blurts out

Reggie: I don’t want to look for my parents and I feel weird about that.

He rambles for a while about knowing he was lucky that his family had money and his mom and dad told him they loved him and stuff but also he remembers so many fights between them where he felt caught in the middle and it never ended well if he chose a side but there was no way to win because they’d both turn on him if he didn’t so it was just this constant balancing act to try to prevent fights in the first place.

Reggie: I felt like I was walking on a tightrope. Like, all the time. I tried so hard to keep them from getting mad at each other or at me. Only it never worked and it was always a question of when they were going to snap next and it was confusing cause one day we’d go to the zoo and everything would be fine and the next they’d yell at me and send me to bed without food.

He feels guilty for not wanting to put in the effort to find them because he’s pretty sure on some level they did love him but he doesn’t want to see them again.

And he doesn’t want to know if they even miss him at all because when he got older and the fighting got too intense he would sneak off to Luke’s or Bobby’s and no matter if he stayed away for an hour or a couple days they never seemed to notice he was gone.

Ray listens and a lot of things about Reggie start to make sense. How he’s so careful not to catch him in a bad mood. How he shuts down whenever anyone raises their voice. How he helps out so much in an effort to stay on Ray’s good side.

It’s a day and a half after the latest show so they can’t really hug but Ray does what he can to provide comfort and validate his feelings anyway because damn Reggie is a good kid and he didn’t deserve that.

Reggie and Luke get more comfortable with coming to him for meaningful chats, or even just to vent about whatever’s going on lately.

Eventually they seem to feel almost as comfortable with him as Julie and Carlos do so it kinda becomes a routine.

Like Julie will ask for cuddles when she’s sad about missing Rose or she’ll walk in and vent about Carrie and Flynn being so obvious about liking each other but somehow not realizing it’s mutual and she and Nick are 3rd wheeling and going insane.

Carlos will excitedly ramble about his latest baseball practice shenanigans for an hour but also sometimes ask for someone to watch old home movies or listen to old CDs from Rose and the Petal Pushers with him.

And that’s normal. That’s been Ray’s life since his kids started talking. But the thing is that it’s just as normal when

When Luke tells how he’s still angry about his music getting stolen because it feels like a part of him was taken away and he worked hard on those songs. Also one day he very shyly admits

Luke: I like Julie a lot.

Ray: I know, kiddo.

Luke: You’re not mad?

Ray: As long as you two make each other happy, no. I’m happy for you.

And it’s just as normal when Reggie talks about missing his little cousin Kelsi and wondering where she ended up only for them to look her up and find out she’s a major Broadway writer/director now oh my god— and also

Reggie: I think I like boys. Like boys are cute. But I know I’m not gay because girls are cute too and ugh it’s confusing it’s probably nothing I guess everybody goes through this.

Ray: Have you ever thought you might be bisexual?

Reggie: Bi-what-now?

Ray, already digging out his old flannels that he would have passed down to Julie except they’re too big for her: It’s okay to like both, kiddo.

All this is great of course. It’s great how Reggie and Luke aren’t afraid anymore and they feel validated and seen and listened to.

But months have passed and Ray notices how Alex remains separate. He still avoids Ray when he can and stays quiet and cautious when he can’t.

Like Ray still senses Alex around him sometimes but never right after a show when he’s visible. He doesn’t come to him with problems. He’ll stay and listen when Ray plays a song he thinks he’d like, but he still seems so cautious and Ray doesn’t know how to help.

He asks Luke one day while he’s introducing him to a Wicked bootleg if he’s done something specific to scare Alex away.

Luke gets this really dark look on his face and he just

Luke: Let’s just say that my parents didn’t do everything perfectly, but they’re saints compared to Alex’s.

Ray decides to drop it, but Luke wants to reassure him.

Luke: You haven’t done anything wrong. He’s just not very comfortable around most adults in general. It’s one thing when we’re invisible, but...

Ray: I just wish I could help.

Luke: You do help. But it took a while for Alex to trust me.

The conversation ends there because Luke starts getting really into Defying Gravity.

But then that night Julie comes in with a kind of out of character movie request so Ray thinks Luke talked to her.

Because Julie does not like most romcoms that aren’t musicals. She gets bored. But she requests Love, Simon anyway.

Ray kind of sees what she’s trying to do there because now that he’s thinking about it the boys haven’t really seen many things with queer rep. Especially not queer main characters.

And nobody’s really told him that Alex is gay but cmon he’s an elder bi. He has accurate gaydar so he can support his queer ducklings.

Despite how the boys all know being gay is more socially acceptable now (they found out about Nick’s dads and the girls gave them the ‘gay marriage is legal now’ talk) they still seem kind of baffled by how there’s an entire romcom centered around a gay boy and it did well.

From there Ray tries to find more movies and tv shows with canon queer representation.

And he keeps giving Alex space but also trying his best to show him that he’s not like his parents.

For a long time nothing changes beyond Luke and Reggie getting increasingly comfortable with him.

Well that’s not completely true actually cause Reggie starts tagging along to photo shoots and becomes Ray’s unofficial mostly invisible assistant.

Then the band plays an amazing show and the boys stay visible for a full week.

Around the middle of that week, Ray goes out to the garage to find Reggie and see if he wants to come on a photo shoot.

Reggie isn’t out there but Alex is.

And he’s crying. Hard.

He looks like he’s going to poof out when he sees Ray there but Ray’s already 100% ready to do exactly what he always does when he walks in on Julie or Carlos crying.

Ray: Alex. Hey, buddy, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.

Alex freezes and it breaks Ray’s heart how that kind of concern is clearly not what he’s expecting.

Ray: Are you okay with being touched?

Alex looks kind of like he’s in shock but he nods.

He clearly doesn’t really know what to do with it but he kind of melts into it when Ray hugs him and he just sobs on his shoulder.

When he’s stopped crying enough he starts rambling about how he’s been looking everywhere but he can’t find Willie.

At that point he’s basically having a panic attack so finding out what’s wrong takes a backseat compared to calming him down and Ray knows how to do that because he and Rose used to do that for Trevor all the time.

Ray: Alex, breathe. In for 4 counts, hold for 7, out for 8. Breathe with me.

It takes a couple minutes until Alex has calmed down enough, but once he does, Ray asks what’s wrong and what’s happening with Willie.

He only vaguely knows who Willie is from what he’s been told by the other kids but he knows he’s important to Alex.

So Alex takes a deep breath and explains that Caleb confronted him and basically said the boys had to join his house band or he would make sure he’d never see Willie again. And he doesn’t want to ask his family to sacrifice themselves for him but he doesn’t want to lose the boy he loves either.

Ray wants to throw hands but from what the kids have told him about Caleb, he has a better idea.

Ray: Here’s what we’re gonna do, buddy. Reggie said Caleb has this super catchy number, The Other Side of Hollywood?

Alex: Yeah?

Ray: How quickly do you think Luke and Julie could come up with an arrangement for you four to cover that and how desperate do you think Covington would be to make sure a video of that never gets published without crediting him?

Alex: :o

Spoiler alert: Julie and Luke, in collaboration with Carrie, can come up with an arrangement very quickly.

They do a private performance of it and film it and basically blackmail Caleb into letting Willie go.

Willie has an empty house that used to be his parents’ that he still considers his so he mostly crashes there if he needs to. Also he loves skating around so much that he never stays in one place for very long.

Julie can see him but she can’t make him visible so it’s a little odd but Ray gets an orange pen for him for the whiteboard and he finds skateboarding videos and stuff for when he visits.

They eventually figure out that he can be part of the magic by adding him to the band so they give him a tambourine and yay now Willie can be seen but that’s later.

The biggest immediate change to come out of all this is Alex.

He’s not afraid of Ray anymore for the most part (healing isn’t linear and he can’t help a few bad days) and he starts actually talking to him. Not about serious stuff but he’s talking. Mostly just rambling about how Willie makes him feel or how Luke and Reggie have been being annoying lately.

Then one day he comes in really nervous and says something about Reggie saying he talked to Ray about his parents.

And Ray confirms it and asks if there’s anything Alex needs to tell him.

Alex sits down and clearly he’s been holding this in for a long time and he just unloads how he came out to his parents because his youngest sister found his diary and he was scared she’d tell them. They didn’t react well and when he cried out of fear and frustration his father... gave him something to cry about.

His father did that a few more times, trying to ‘make him man up,’ and Alex never told his bandmates but he always knew they could see the bruises and that was why Bobby made it so clear his garage was open and his house was a safe place to run.

But Alex didn’t no matter how bad things got because he guessed some small part of him thought he deserved it but mostly it was about how his oldest sister dropped out of college and ghosted the family and Alex was the next-oldest so he felt responsible for protecting his younger sisters even if they both had learned behaviors from their parents and hated him.

Then that summer he found out his parents were planning on sending him away to some Christian camp where they’d ‘fix’ him.

Alex made it clear that he wouldn’t go and if they tried to make him he’d run away, but their ultimatum was that he couldn’t live under their roof if he was gay.

So he didn’t. And it was a situation somewhere between getting kicked out and running away, but he packed a bag and never went back.

He ran to Bobby’s house, he wrote a whole bunch of angry songs, and he tried not to think too much about how he understood why his older sister left and how he was doing the exact same thing to his younger sisters.

By the time he’s done explaining everything Ray’s trying not to cry but Alex is definitely already crying mostly out of anger.

Alex: I hated them all. I hated Molly for leaving me and I hated my mom for turning my little sisters against me and I hated my dad for hurting me and I even hated Anna and Josie for not standing by me and I just hated them all so much. I still do. And it is so stupid that I feel guilty for that because they were terrible to me and I was 16 and I didn’t deserve that but I do feel guilty for it because they’re my family and I hate them.

Ray doesn’t have much to say because damn this is heavy stuff but he assures him that after what he went through he has a right to hate his blood family.

Alex tells him awkwardly when he’s calmed down a bit that Luke is the only other person he’s ever told about all this, because after he ran away they dated for a few months before figuring out that they were better as friends.

Reggie and Bobby guessed parts of it and Julie probably has too but none of them have asked and Alex thinks he might tell Reggie and Julie someday if it ever comes up but he never did end up telling Bobby.

Ray assures him that he won’t tell anyone and also that he would never do that. He would never do anything to hurt Alex or the others on purpose.

He makes a silent promise that no one will ever hurt one of his kids like that again and if Caleb or anyone else ever tries, they will regret it.

But anyway on to happier matters.

Willie visits a lot and he’s a little skittish around Ray but he loosens up after he jokingly mentions one time that Willie and Alex are like the beginning of the Sk8ter Boy song.

Alex and Ray might be Denim Jacket Buddies but once Ray digs his old leather jacket out of the closet he becomes Leather Jacket Buddies with Reggie.

You’d think he has to tell Carlos and Reggie off the most for breaking things but he doesn’t. It’s Carlos and Luke.

Also Ray doesn’t consider himself an overprotective dad but Julie and Luke are not allowed to be alone in a room with the door closed.

Neither are Alex and Willie technically but it’s harder to enforce it when they’re both ghosts.

Lmao all the kids follow the rules anyway because they love Ray and he’s not being unreasonable.

He helps Julie in her plot to get Carrie and Flynn together and also he helps Nick plan how to make a move on that cute boy on his lacrosse team.

Because Nick loves his dads but they’re disaster gays. Neither of those men can properly flirt. They fell in love because of a baseball rivalry and Nick doesn’t trust their advice.

Pride month rolls around and Julie makes sure to book a big gig the day before the parade so the boys will be visible and tangible.

Trevor’s on tour and can’t get away and Flynn’s parents are working and Nick’s are busy too so Ray finds himself escorting this whole little gaggle of various queer ducklings to pride.

Carlos isn’t quite sure what he is yet so he’s just got a rainbow flag painted on his cheek and a shirt that says I love my bi sister on it.

Julie’s all decked out in the bi colors, complete with ribbons braided into her hair and a flag to use as a cape. She made the tutu herself and it took her hours but it turned out really good.

Luke’s got a tank top with the pan colors and a trans flag as a cape and also yknow face paint of course.

Reggie browsed thrift shops everywhere until he found a flannel in the bi colors and he’s got that along with pink purple and blue laces in his combat boots and what Ray is really hoping is temporary dye and not spray paint in his hair.

Alex has a rainbow shirt that matches Willie’s and matching bracelets with Flynn. Also he painted rainbow hearts on his cheeks and put a lot of effort into them and they look really symmetrical.

Willie’s of course matching shirts with Alex and also he has sparkly rainbow socks and a flag to use as a cape.

Carrie’s got a whole ensemble in the lesbian colors complete with a pride wig and also matching necklaces with Flynn.

Flynn’s matching colors with Carrie but more in her style with of course matching jewelry with the people closest to her. She’s got friendship bracelets corresponding to Alex and Julie.

Nick’s got a pan tshirt and a fedora with a ribbon in pink yellow and blue plus face paint cause all of them have face paint. Nothing too crazy.

Meanwhile Ray’s got a bi bandanna and one of those shirts that’s like Free Dad Hugs.

Plus everyone did each other’s nails with varying degrees of success the night before and Julie did Ray’s so they turned out good.

Nick’s lacrosse buddies and the rest of Dirty Candi are around somewhere but they didn’t ride in the same car so they’re not that relevant.

They party. Celebrate being alive. Idk I’ve never gotten to go to pride.

And afterwards they all go back to the Molina house and the couch isn’t really big enough for all of them but it’s okay it’s not like they know how to sit correctly anyway.

They all kind of pile together and cuddle and watch movies until Flynn and Nick’s parents can come pick them up.

And Ray just looks around and realizes that

Sure only 2 of them are his biologically

And 3 of the others have good parent(s) who are actively a part of their lives

The remaining 4 are technically dead

But he has 9 children and he’s totally fine with that.

Cause he’s Ray Molina: best dad ever.

Victoria’s head is going to explode when she finds out that not only is the Molina house really haunted, but he’s adopted the ghosts.