#like the centering myself song is still in the show despite the song

[neverheardnothing]

took a dangerous day trip 😱

[kira-dofc]

Bodyguard! Gojo x K-pop Idol Male reader

Part 1

Part 2

Notes: Sorry I was inactive for so long 😔 the Kuroo x male reader is killing me idk what to write so I js thought to myself what if I'd just made one for Gojo? Well anyways yes there's going to be a part 2 of this and yes I'm working on Kuroo 💖

Word count: 2400

Warnings: none 💖

-

Oh, to live a life like yours. You’re successful beyond measure, with a voice that can mesmerize, moves that can captivate, and a bank account that reflects your hard-earned fortune. But more than all of this, you are stunningly attractive. Fans fall to their knees at the mere sight of you, screaming your name with fervent adoration. Every world tour you embark on with your group sees you receiving the loudest chants, the most impassioned cries. You are undeniably the favorite, the center of attention in every sense.

Your popularity knows no bounds, transcending borders and cultures. Men and women alike would go to extraordinary lengths just to catch a glimpse of your perfect figure. Who wouldn’t? Perfection seems to be synonymous with your name. Every time your group makes a comeback, it is you who shines the brightest. The camera adores you, the spotlight gravitates towards you, and almost all of the lines in your songs seem to be crafted just for your voice. You are, without a doubt, the nucleus of your group’s immense success.

The world is in awe of you. Fanboys and fangirls from every corner of the globe idolize you, dream about you, and dedicate their lives to following your every move. Yet, amidst this whirlwind of fame and admiration, one thing perplexes everyone. Why, with all your perfection, are you still single? Any idol would be ecstatic to be with you, regardless of gender. Your charm knows no boundaries, and your appeal is universal. It’s a mystery that keeps fans up at night, fantasizing about the possibility of one day being the one to capture your heart.

Speculation runs rampant. Fans weave intricate fantasies where they imagine themselves by your side, filling the role of your perfect partner. Despite their daydreams, no one can figure out why you remain unattached. It's a paradox that adds to your allure, making you even more enigmatic and desirable. They imagine a million scenarios, all the while hoping that perhaps, just perhaps, they might be the one to break your spell of solitude.

But what the world doesn't know, what they couldn't possibly fathom, is that you've been in a relationship for almost two months now. The very day your group made its most recent comeback, you found yourself entangled in a romance that has brought a new kind of light into your life. The secrecy surrounding your relationship only adds to its intensity. It’s a connection built on mutual understanding, shared dreams, and a love that transcends the superficial adoration you receive from the masses.

The reveal of your significant other will be nothing short of earth-shattering for your fans. They’ve spent countless hours speculating about who could possibly be worthy of your affections. When the truth comes out, it will send shockwaves through your fanbase. The person you've chosen isn't just any idol; they are someone who matches your perfection, complements your strengths, and fills your heart in a way that no one else could.

In the end, the world will see that behind your flawless exterior, behind the spotlight and the chants, there is a person capable of deep, profound love. Your fans will be surprised, yes, but they will also come to understand that even someone as perfect as you deserves to experience the joy and intimacy of a genuine relationship. And as they daydream about marrying you, they'll have to come to terms with the fact that your heart already belongs to someone extraordinary.

-

4:00 a.m. The plane touched down, marking the penultimate stop of your extensive world tour. Just one more show remained before you could finally indulge in a well-deserved rest. You gathered your handheld bag, stepping off the aircraft with a sense of weariness and anticipation.

As you approached the "Arrivals" section of the quiet airport, you noticed the stark contrast between the calm you expected and the frenzy that awaited you. Despite the ungodly hour, paparazzi had gathered in droves, their cameras flashing incessantly, almost blinding you with their intensity. The cries of “Y/N! Over here! Y/N! Y/N!” pierced the early morning silence, mingling with the shouts of enthusiastic fans who seemed undeterred by the time.

You sighed, mustering a smile for the cameras. It was an experience you had grown accustomed to, yet it never ceased to astonish you how dedicated your fans were, even at such an hour. As you continued to navigate through the cacophony of lights and voices, your mind drifted to the comfort of the hotel room awaiting you.

Suddenly, the chaotic crowd shifted, and out of nowhere, a fan broke through, sprinting towards you with an intensity that caught you off guard. Your heart raced, but before you could react, your personal bodyguard, Gojo, intervened. He stepped in front of the fan with a menacing presence, his cold stare stopping them in their tracks. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he said, his voice low and threatening.

The fan recoiled, visibly shaken by Gojo’s imposing figure, and quickly retreated back into the crowd. Gojo turned to you, concern etched on his face. "You okay, sir?" he asked, his voice softening as he etched a reassuring smile.

"Y-yes, thank you!" you stammered, bowing slightly as you felt a blush creep up your cheeks. You were grateful for his protection, though his proximity always seemed to make your heart flutter in a way you couldn’t quite explain.

A van soon arrived to transport you and your group to the hotel. The bodyguards formed a protective circle around you all, ensuring your safe passage into the vehicle. The drive was mercifully short, a brief 30-minute journey that allowed you a moment of respite from the relentless pace of your tour.

Upon reaching the hotel, the sense of exhaustion weighed heavily upon you. The events of the day had drained you more than usual, and all you could think about was the comfort of a bed. The receptionist greeted you with a polite smile, handing over the keycard to your personal room.

You thanked them and made your way to the elevator, your body moving on autopilot. The elevator doors closed, and you leaned against the wall, letting out a deep breath. The journey to your designated floor felt like an eternity, each second dragging as your mind wandered to thoughts of sleep.

Finally, the doors opened, and you stepped out, navigating the corridor to your room. You swiped the keycard, the door unlocking with a soft click. As you entered, you took in the serene ambiance of the room, a stark contrast to the chaos outside. The bed looked inviting, and you could almost feel the soft sheets against your skin.

You set your bag down and took a moment to appreciate the solitude. The tour had been exhilarating, but it had also taken its toll. As you prepared for bed, your thoughts drifted to Gojo’s protective presence and the fleeting moment of connection you felt with him. It was a small comfort amidst the whirlwind of your life, a reminder that even in the chaos, there were moments of genuine human connection.

Finally, you slipped under the covers, letting the exhaustion wash over you. The last thought before you succumbed to sleep was of the final show tomorrow and the promise of rest that lay just beyond it. The world outside could wait; for now, you were content to let the quiet embrace of sleep take you away.

'

You woke up with a sudden woozy feeling, your eyes reluctantly opening to the glow of the afternoon sun filtering through the curtains. "3:00 p.m.," you groaned, checking your phone for the time. You stretched, blinked, and smacked your lips as you stared at the blank wall in front of you, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep.

"Woof woof!" Your dog, Cherry, whom you managed to bring along despite the hectic schedule of your world tour, barked enthusiastically at you. He wagged his tail back and forth, jumping onto your lap with a joyful energy that brought a smile to your face. You patted his head, feeling the softness of his fur beneath your fingers. "Good morning, Cherry," you murmured, though it was well past noon. "Let's go. I'm so hungry..." You squeezed his cheeks affectionately before getting up and heading out of your room.

Before thinking about food, you decided to freshen up with a shower. Grabbing a towel from the neatly arranged drawer, you made your way to the bathroom. The hot water cascading down your body felt rejuvenating, washing away the exhaustion from your travels and performances. You stood there for a while, letting the steam envelop you, a rare moment of peace in your otherwise hectic life.

Once you were done, you dried off and rummaged through your luggage, looking for something comfortable to wear. Settling on a plain shirt and a pair of black jogging pants, you felt a sense of relief. The casual attire was a stark contrast to the elaborate costumes you wore on stage, and it felt good to just be yourself for a while.

With two days until your next concert, you decided to take it easy and rest. You picked up your phone and thought about how to pass the time. An idea struck you—why not do a livestream on Instagram? It had been a while since you connected with your fans in such a direct way, and it seemed like a good way to unwind.

Setting up the livestream, you watched as the viewer count quickly climbed, reaching 15,000 and still rising. "How's your day?" you read aloud from one of the comments. "Nothing much really, I'm just soooo tired," you chuckled, scrolling through more questions. The familiar 'will you marry me Y/N' and 'are you dating anyone' questions popped up, causing you to smile wryly. It was flattering, but also a bit overwhelming.

"Y/N, what do you think of Kim Chaewon?" another question asked. You raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. "Hmm, she's nice, I guess. Also, if this is one of your guys' traps, I'm not falling for those anymore." You stared into the camera, your fans admiring you through their screens.

As you continued to interact with your fans, you suddenly heard the sound of your door opening. A wave of panic washed over you. Had someone broken in? How could they have gotten past security? You had sworn you locked the door. Your mind raced with possibilities.

The door opened wider, and you saw a white-haired man kneeling, putting his shoes away. "Babeeee, what do you want to eat? Do you want to get it delivered, or do you wanna go out?" His voice was casual, but it sent a shock through you. You gasped, trying to quickly turn off the livestream, but it was too late.

The comments exploded in a frenzy:

"BABE?????"

"WHO IS THAT 😭😭"

"HE'S DATING SOMEONE!?!?!?!?"

"IT SOUNDS LIKE A GUY"

"OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT BABE MEAN???"

You panicked, letting out a little squeal as you finally managed to turn off the livestream and shut your phone. "GOJO!" you screamed, your heart pounding in your chest.

"What?" he replied, looking at you with a mix of confusion and amusement.

-

"What do I do? What do I do? What do I do..." You paced back and forth, muttering the same words over and over, your mind racing. Gojo watched you, a smirk playing on his lips.

"You know, it's not half as bad," he said finally. "People will know that you're my property from now on."

"Still! I never wanted them to find out this way..." you sighed, collapsing onto the couch beside him. The weight of the situation settled over you, a mix of anxiety and resignation.

"It'll be okay. No matter what, I'm always with you." He reached out, touching your chin gently before pulling you into a hug. You hugged him back tightly, the comfort of his embrace grounding you.

"Thanks..." you whispered, feeling a sense of calm wash over you despite the chaos that had just erupted.

After a moment, you pulled back, determination in your eyes. "I need to do this right," you said. "I'll post a confession about us dating. It's better than letting rumors spiral out of control."

Gojo nodded, his expression serious. "Whatever you decide, I'm here for you."

Taking a deep breath, you picked up your phone, opening your Instagram app once more. You composed a heartfelt post, explaining how you had been dating your bodyguard, Gojo, for a while and how much he meant to you. You acknowledged that the livestream slip-up wasn't how you wanted to reveal your relationship, but you hoped your fans would understand and support you.

As you hit 'post', a sense of relief washed over you. It was out there now, and there was no turning back. You and Gojo sat together, waiting for the inevitable reactions. Notifications started flooding in almost immediately, a mix of shock, support, and a few inevitable negative comments. But overall, the response was more positive than you had expected.

Your fans, though surprised, expressed their happiness for you, many of them emphasizing their continued support no matter what. It was a heartwarming realization that even in your highly publicized life, there were people who genuinely cared about your happiness.

You turned to Gojo, a smile playing on your lips. "Looks like we're officially out in the open now," you said.

He grinned back, squeezing your hand. "About time," he replied. "Now, about that food—I'm starving."

You laughed, the tension easing from your shoulders. "Let's get something delivered. I think we've had enough excitement for one day."

As you placed the order, you felt a sense of peace. The world knew about your relationship, and while it wasn't how you planned, it felt good to no longer hide. With Gojo by your side, you knew you could face whatever challenges came your way. And with a concert in two days, you had plenty to focus on. But for now, you were content to enjoy a quiet evening together, knowing that no matter what, you had each other.

[grapejuicestyless]

People Pleaser

Harry Styles x fem! bandmate reader

summery: Y/n gives too much and Harry is the only one to give back.

Angst(kinda) to fluff!

If you were to ask the public, ‘Who embodies love on tour?’ The majority, if not everybody would be quick to conclude it was Harry. He was the front man, it was his tour. A man who grows flowers with his voice and encourages affection between even the most different strangers.

If you asked the people involved, they would say Y/n Y/l/n.

Y/n is a woman with so much empathy she walked in others shoes more than her own. She spends her free time devoted to helping her friends and family. Constantly doting on them despite how grave the situation seemed.

So yeah, if you were to define HSLOT, it would be Y/n, Y/l/n. The pianist who sat quietly in the back of the stage, tucked away behind Sarah and Pauli, quiet as a mouse.

——————————————————————————

The sun was high, burning into the black chevron of the HSLOT Wembley stage floor. The white and black paint radiating vastly different temperatures in the June heat. The backtracks boomed through the stadium, muffling the farther backstage you got. Humidity suffocated everything in a sticky wetness.

Harry was dancing in a black bunny shirt, sleeves rolled to his shoulders and shorts shorter than my own. Today the sun was more brutal than ever and the effects were obvious. Skin was redder than before and water bottles could be found empty and scattered beneath the instruments. The HSLOT band was huddling under the small amount of shade they could find over the small overhang mounted on the stage. Lucky for me, because of how tucked away my space was, I had full access to the cool shade and the slight breeze of the AC blasting through the backstage area. Mitch, however, due to his front and center stationing, was falling victim to the peak heat of the day.

Harry hummed into the microphone, lazily speaking numbers out of order to get a laugh out of anyone, though the heat seemed to be getting to him too as he seemed out of his usual pre-show element. The only thing there seemed to be more abundance of than Harry’s pitiful jokes, was the sweat drenching each and every one of us.

“Y/n/n?” A soft voice called from just in front of me.

Mitch stood just in front of Pauli who was stuck half in the sun and half in the shade, his body squished into the darkness. His hair was matted with wet and held up tightly in a man bun, his shirt drenched in sweat more so than the rest of us.

“Eh, Im sorry to ask but would you mind if we could just switch positions for just a bit? I’m overheating over there and need a small break.” He pleaded.

Ever the people pleaser, the urge to stay in the shade was pushed down and away as my body moved quicker than my mind. I was eager to make Mitch happy, loving the satisfaction helping a friend out gave me.

He traded me a small hand held fan for my perfect shady spot. Though the plastic wings barely moved and the air barely soothed the heat, the thought was nice enough of him to suggest.

So I stood in the sun, the rays casting down on me like a blanket that could only be described as hell on earth. Sweat collected more aggressively on my forehead but the quick look over to Mitch, who had a lazy smile on his face from the shade and the inconsistent AC gusts made it a whole lot more worth it.

By now we were on Satellite, Harry mumbling the song, waltzing over to Elin to make sure she was still feeling okay. It was moments like this that I believed we were soulmates. Bonded together by the environment that seemed to tug us together like some sort of gravity. His straightforward kindness and appreciation one of his best qualities that I loved.

I let myself marinate in my own wetness, my legs heavy from the heat and my cheeks growing sore from the sun. My eyes grew heavy and the fan grew weaker and weaker. Truthfully, I was struggling.

“Y/n..?” I heard a small yell from Sarah, who I was sure was boiling surrounded by all that plastic and metal, despite the shade. She was still blocked off from the AC air, so the heat might as well have been just as bad.

I nodded to her, making my way over cautiously, the floor slippery with the dew from the humidity and the sweat dripping off our noses.

“What’s up, babe?” I smiled, leaning against the edge of the platform her drums were set on.

“I’m struggling a bit here. I’m a little trapped.” I raised an eyebrow, ready to take a seat to listen to what she had to say. I wondered if it was about the baby or if it was a mental block. I was ready to be a good friend when she needed it.

“Do you think I could borrow that fan? Just for a second? It’s like a hotbox in here.” My eyes drifted to the soft vibrations rumbling through my palm, the soft buzzing sound from the hand held fan spinning softly in all its neon green glory.

Forming my lips into a thin line, I nodded, plastering on a smile and reaching up to hand it to Sarah.

She was thankful for my generosity, flashing me a smile and holding up a weak thumbs up. I reflected her gesture, hunching my shoulders as I spun to return back to the spot I’d taken in the sun.

Just now, I began to realize how much I took that tan for granted. Even the soft wind was able to move the still air that casted over the UK today.

My heavy feet turned into cinder blocks and my eyes became unbearably heavy. I seemed sway on my feet a little, every blink becoming stickier as my eyelashes bunched together more and more. It felt like hours going by. Realistically it had only been five minutes, but everything moved in slow motion now.

I think Harry was singing Matilda now, but it seemed to be silenced by the clogging of my ears. I felt faint suddenly, my body too heavy to hold up. I felt myself stumble. It was usually now I would focus all my attention in on his beautiful melody, but my ears seemed to reject any sound whatsoever other than shouts and belly laughter across the stage.

“Hey Y/n!” I heard loud and clear, the bubbly voice belonging to none other than my best friend. The man who I’d been stuck with since his very first show and the person in my mind that hung the stars and moon single handedly in my life. The closest thing I had to a home on tour, Harry.

I’m not sure if I was able to lift my lips into a smile or not, everything blurring together in a mushy mess. It was like I was on psychedelics while being totally sober.

Trying to remain polite, I tried to be more welcoming to him, reaching up to wave only to find myself stumbling back into the elevated stage platforms, hands slamming into the wood so hard the corners caused red lines to form, blood peaking in blots on my skin.

“Y/n!” He sounded more frantic now, not as light and airy like before. The sound of a microphone falling to the ground was ear piercing, if I could cover my ears I would. His feet sounded heavy, the sound echoing through the empty area like bricks. My elbows collapsed under the pressure of my body and my knees buckled.

I waited for the ground to come, braced for it even. Ready to bruise my face and bleed from the nose. But it never came. Instead I was wrapped in a wet body, my face smushing against a hard chest.

“Shit, can I get some medical help?” Harry. Harry had caught me. How quick he was to rush in to help.

I couldn’t quite make out his face with how jumbled up my brain was from the heatstroke I was almost sure my body was going through right now, all I saw was black dots and blurry pink lips moving quickly. I think he mumbled, “You’re okay, it’s fine.” But maybe that was an illusion I made up for some sort of comfort.

We met eyes, a worried shock painted on Harry’s face before I was met with the soothing darkness of sleep.

——————————————————————————

I woke up to a cooler climate. A buzzing sounding through the vent on the ceiling. Tassels of pink and yellow blowing in the wind. I had an ice pack taped to my forehead and one wrapped around my stomach with velcro.

My head was pounding with one of the worst headaches I’d ever dealt with in my entire life and my eyes were aggressively watering despite my excessive wiping.

I tried to sit up, but could only groan with how sore I was, my hand pressing against the ice pack quickly.

“Y/n, oh thank god.” I felt the couch dip by my head, Harry’s body kneeling on the ground in front of my face and his head hovering over mine as he hunched over me. The carpet ruffled beneath his knees as he settled into place. His breathing was slightly jagged, a little quick. Maybe in his panic it had picked up. Compared to mine, which was slow and steady. A good long sleep will do that to you.

“Did I faint?” My mouth was dry, so everything that came out of my mouth was strained and rough. Sandpaper scratching my vocal cords.

The question was obvious, I knew I had gone down before I even fell. I knew I was going down as soon as I handed away the shady spot and the fan. Maybe not directly, but that small tugging feeling that fought briefly with my body knew. I couldn’t help but let the smallest smirk grace my lips, trying to be funny and light hearted in a time of need.

“Gave everyone a proper scare, really did. Went down pretty fast.” He lifted an arm from his sides to gently move the ice pack from my forehead, sensing the slight discomfort it was giving me, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. We watched each other quietly in the quiet of the communal dressing room.

His smile was infectious, always was. Harry had that kind of bunny tooth smile that made my stomach do secret summersaults and flutter occasionally. Despite the strict platonic relationship we’d established, it was hard to not fall for the other half who understood the urge to put others before myself just as well.

Lost in the dreamy thought of him, I snapped back to see the white smile slowly wipe off his face, eyebrows pulling together in worry and his gaze becoming less lighthearted and more serious.

“Was it dramatic? Could I win an Oscar for it?” I joked, lightening up the mood, or attempting to.

“Yes, and yes. Would’ve swept them, I think.” We laughed weakly, not finding the situation funny but the inability to stay so serious for so long amusing.

“We shouldn’t have had soundcheck outside. I knew it was too hot out, I’m sorry.” The warm bareness of his fingers engulfed mine gently, his thumb brushing my knuckles so light it almost barely ghosted over my skin.

“It’s not your fault, I made a couple bad choices that got me there.”

“Such a pushover.” I snorted, removing my hand from his in fake offense to his comment, though it was both true and not in any sense mean or bad intentioned.

“And to think, I had the perfect AC spot in the shade too!” We continued to joke, not finding anything about this at all serious. We probably seemed fucked in the head to the outside perspective. Who treats heat stroke like it meant nothing?

“I need to learn how to say no.” Harry silently agreed, eyes flicking up to mine slowly, almost like he was tracing my body in an outline in his head. Saving a mental photo of his best friend covered in sweat, melted ice and plastic icepacks.

“You do.” I smiled.

“I know.” He raised a brow.

“You do. Can’t have that happening. Scared me.” His sudden confession lacked any previous lightheartedness that we’d bounced off of each other just moments before.

I grabbed his hand again, now my thumb was the one to merely ghost over his skin smoothly.

“I know, I’m sorry. Don’t wanna worry you.” It was the most sincere thing I’d said all day. The only thing I’d truly meant really. All those “My pleasures” and, “Of courses” only being half hearted and made based solely on the idea that someone else could benefit from it more than I would.

“I love you.” Silence hugged the room around his confession. Not that we hadn’t exchanged the sentence consistently. Throwing it around so much it was a habit to tell each other before we left any room or made a joke so good it deserved the praise. But somehow, the words sat different than before. They held more seriousness and more honesty than the other times, and I couldn’t help the giddiness it gave me.

“I love you too.” Maybe if the situation wasn’t so dramatic and the heat wasn’t getting to both of us incredibly bad, maybe then it wouldn’t have happened. Some sort of forced confession out of the blue.

He showed no signs of having any interests in me. Other than the constant presence he seemed to enjoy having in my life and the fact that nobody knew me like him, he could have fooled me completely.

“Yeah?” He laughed through his teeth, breathy and light.

I nodded slowly, sure of myself but shy on the idea he could be playing with me. He would walk me to the door of hope and send me home crying. Maybe it was the feeling of giving so much and never getting anything back. Maybe it was the all too familiar feeling of being used because of the overflowing empathy I was dealt at birth and the nagging persistence in my mind ordering me to please the people around me that was responsible for the twinge of doubt I held to him. But his eyes held kindness and full trust, I couldn’t help but feel that fluttery feeling.

It could have been from the heat, but most likely from him rushing the blood from my heart straight to my cheeks.

“I hope you mean it in the way I think you mean it, because if this is the heat stroke playing with my feelings, I’m about to look really stupid.” My arms outstretched around his neck, pulling him to my lips. My fingers tangling between his puffy curls and damp with the sweat beaded on the back of his tanned neck.

His kiss was just as sweet as I expected it. It wasn’t an intricate make out with a long battle between our tongues. It was needy, but not in a rushed way. It was short, but did more than any sloppy kiss could possibly say.

“Is now a good time to say I only see you as a friend?” I couldn’t help but silently laugh at that. My chest moving up and down while my mouth was pulled into a large smile that broke out on my face.

Harry was still so close, yet to pull back completely as his breath fanned my nose and his forehead almost touched mine.

“Now that I’ve wooed you, does this mean you’ll let me play tonight?” His lips silenced mine, pressing hard and smooth against each other. He pulled away with a wet release.

“No.” For the millionth time, we laughed. We laughed, feeling happy. Content that I was okay, that this was okay. That we were whatever we were. Maybe we had crossed the line between strictly platonic. Maybe we were towing the line between lovers and best friends. But it didn’t matter because whatever we had was warmer than the June heat and bigger than any crowd Wembley could pull in our hearts.

It was all some sappy story of the girl who gave too much and the only man who gave back, very on brand for the HSLOT crew.

Maybe heat strokes could be good.

Read part 2 here!

[aakaneeee]

I've had my drabble, now it's time for actual theories and parallels since I haven't done that in a while and it's long overdue

first of all, I love to see Alien Stage art slowly but surely falling into the obvious eerie side.

I have a lot to say about all of these, but I specifically want to focus on Luka for this.

When I first saw the branding, I wondered why it was there. I was confused, because I expected it to be on the heart (which was also proven to be false in the 2nd anniversary pop up store).

then, I looked closer: left hip.

there are actually a lot of stuff to associate with his branding (except it looking slutty IM SORRY YALL I CANT HELP MYSELF)

The left hip is also the place where horses are branded. Specifically, pedigree horses. Again, not only does it show possession, but also him being superior to others.

For men, that specific area is one of the most painful. (insert tattoo pain chart)

it might seem like it's on yellow since it's just a little lower than the belly button, but 1. The belly button on this chart is really high and 2. It could just be perspective, and it'd make a lot of sense for him to be branded in the most painful way possible. doesn't that sound heperu to you?

3. he isn't under anesthesia. even mizi, who had a "least pain" area, seemed to be under anesthesia. but no, he wasn't. this leads me to my next point:

4. We know Heperu thinks the only way to make a good pet is fear. So, what if he specifically chose that area, so Luka could actively see, and even have to hold his shirt up himself? He wants him to fear, and he wants him to know who he belongs to. It seems he really doesn't have limits in showing that.

Okay, those are the stuff I've noticed about this, but now I have a parallel.

This might be a little bit of a reach so take it with a grain of salt!!

Ivan's branding is on his wrist: a secure, hidden place, where others wouldn't be able to see it, as if he actually had more freedom than other humans, being seen more as a business partner than like a pet.

Youd think Luka is the same, afterall, his branding is on his hip, and we didn't see anyone wearing crop tops and low rise pants yet.

No, but all of his outfits have an open back and a cut in the front.

Considering the pacing of his songs, and the turns he made in Round 5, we could possibly imagine that the material would move away, and it would show his branding, atleast a little bit. Like a silent reminder, both for Luka and for the audience, that he is not his own person, but someone who is owned. It feels like Heperu is so prideful that he wants to take merit for Luka's voice, as if taking advantage of an actual condition he has was what brought him up in the charts, and that Luka's work is equal to nothing, because he did everything. That's what Heperu thinks, and that's what he wants the audience to think, as well.

Another perfect example of this is the photo next to the branding.

Taking Sua's photo, we can see the signatures or scribbles are darker, and even though crazier, they still make her the center of it, while still maintaining some color.

For Luka, the backround is blank. Just grey. He doesn't have the teal that Sua had, or even a light yellow to show light. More importantly, the signatures are all over him. Showing that he is a prized possession, a trophy, that doesn't actually have anything of his own, that is completely under his owner and his fans, despite him supposedly having more 'freedom' than other pets because he already won a season. (This freedom being an obvious lie.)

Sua is looking left. Luka is directly facing the camera, but you can barely even tell, his eyes are covered by his hair.

Again, another small reach, but we know he doesn't really enjoy bright lights. (sweet dream as proof)

I was wondering if this could be even more proof of him having even more conditions than what they've let on.

Specifically, Leukocoria.

Leukocoria represents your pupil shining white or grayish-yellow instead of red, and it signals grave damage inside the eye.

(Photo from Google, don't sue me)

It looks very close to Luka's pupils, right?

there are also these two official arts in which he's wearing glasses.

they seem to be quite thin, so whatever the reason for him wearing them is not that bad.

so i was wondering: could it be a case of cataract?

HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT

his eyes are a very pale color, and pale irises can be a sign of cataract.

people with cases of cataract that aren't too bad, even though surgery is recommended, can see better if they wear glasses.

and leukocoria can be caused by cataract.

maybe that's the reason he's hiding his eyes from the light here with his hair? his eyes are sensible to light?

i know this is really long but i hope you all don't mind too much, luka is my favourite (if you couldn't tell) and this new information awakened my medical knowledge :)

sorry if some stuff don't make sense, as always, english is not my first language, I hope it's atleast a bit coherent!

(tagging some people because I think you'd like to see this.... @shakingparadigm @sotogalmo @paradisedisconcert @m1zisua @junebluues @bluemoonscape @4listr @nottoonedin @pwippy SORRY IF ANY OF YALL DIDNT WANT TO BE TAGGED)

[woodstockbtswriter]

Oblivious

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (Female); Namjoon x Reader (Female)

Word Count: 1.57K

Summary: When Namjoon doesn’t notice your flirtation, Yoongi takes it upon himself to make a move, but he soon realizes that Namjoon isn’t the only oblivious one.

Author’s Note: Y’all. It’s been a minute and a half since I posted a story. But I finally have a little free time and a smidgen of motivation and I had this idea and well… I just hope I have a few readers left out there who will enjoy this! Please let me know what you think!

Oblivious

“She wanted you to ask her to dance.” Yoongi remarked, idly swirling his drink in his glass.

Both he and Namjoon watched as you walked away, making your way through the crowd, back toward the other bridesmaids.

“You think so?” Namjoon asked, moving to join his hyung at the cocktail table. His eyes never left you, even as you were reabsorbed by your circle of friends. You kept your back to him, unaware of his continued observation as you laughed with the other girls.

Yoongi nodded, despite the fact that Namjoon wasn’t looking at him.

“She was flirting with you, Namjoon-ah. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice. She couldn’t have been more obvious.”

Namjoon shrugged, “I didn’t want to assume.”

“So you’re not oblivious,” Yoongi smirked, “Just an idiot.”

Namjoon finally tore his gaze from your unsuspecting form and looked at him.

“It seemed like she was flirting with me, but I thought it might be presumptuous of me to flirt back.” He explained. “What if she was just playing around? The last thing I want to do is make her uncomfortable. Or make an ass out of myself.”

Yoongi sighed wearily.

“You think too much.” He told Namjoon, but the bluntness of his words was softened by his genuine - though long-suffering - affection for his younger friend.

“I know.” Namjoon gave a sigh of his own.

At that moment, the song filling the reception hall changed from an upbeat dance number to a slower, more romantic melody.

“You can still ask her to dance.” Yoongi encouraged, giving his drink another twirl.

Namjoon said nothing, but his expression betrayed his hesitancy.

“Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi held his gaze, deciding in an instant that he needed proper motivation, “You better ask her to dance… before I do.”

“What?” Namjoon chuckled nervously.

But Yoongi knew he’d both heard and understood him, so when his dongsaeng made no moves, he threw back the last swig of his drink and straightened his suit coat before marching resolutely in your direction.

Namjoon could only watch him go, dumbfounded.

When he reached you, Yoongi gently touched your arm and said your name to pull your attention from your friends. The way your face lit up when you recognized him surprised him, but he didn’t show it.

“May I have this dance?” He asked you, and the bright smile you gave him in response surprised him even more. He expected you’d accept; besides the fact that you were too nice to say no, the two of you were friends, after all.

But he hadn’t expected you to accept so enthusiastically.

You extended your hand to Yoongi and he took it automatically, feeling another twinge of amazement as your fingers wrapped around his. He dismissed the sensation as quickly as it had come, leading you toward the center of the hall, where a group of wedding guests were dancing.

As soon as Yoongi stopped at the edge of the dance floor, you moved close against him, one hand on his shoulder and the other in his. He felt awkward as he held your waist, but you began swaying to the music and he followed your lead, turning in slow circles with you.

You both made small talk as you danced - commenting on the beautiful wedding, observing the happiness of the newlywed couple, remarking about the size of the reception crowd - but even as he chatted with you, Yoongi’s mind was preoccupied.

When he asked you to dance, he’d hardly given it any thought. He just wanted to spur Namjoon into action. That had been his only motivation… hadn’t it? Yoongi didn’t ask girls to dance at weddings. Not even girls like you, his closest female friend. So why did he not even hesitate to approach you? Why had it been so easy to ask for your hand? Why had you been so happy to join him?

And why - despite the mild awkwardness - did it feel so… nice to have you in his arms?

“You look really handsome in that suit, by the way.” You smiled almost shyly, and Yoongi’s focus snapped back to the moment. He smiled back despite himself.

“You look beautiful.” He replied, the sincere compliment escaping his lips before he could exercise his usual restraint. “As always.”

The way your smile spread to your eyes pricked something in Yoongi’s chest, but before he could determine what it was, a familiar voice sounded behind him, and a hand gave his back a friendly pat.

“Mind if I cut in?” Namjoon asked, his gaze flicking between you and Yoongi.

Yoongi didn’t hesitate to step back, quickly dropping your waist, and you gave Namjoon a welcoming smile, allowing him to take his friend’s place.

But Yoongi didn’t miss how your eyes met his over Namjoon’s shoulder, just before he twirled you away.

Maybe Namjoon’s not an idiot, Yoongi thought, as he watched the two of you sway around the dance floor, your face shimmering as brightly as your dress beneath the party lights.

A self-deprecating smirk tugged at the corner of Yoongi’s lips as the realization dawned on him:

Maybe I’m the idiot now.

—

The ice in Yoongi’s empty glass clinked as he sat it on the bar, and the bartender knowingly topped it off with more whiskey without having to be asked.

“Can I have one of those too, please?” You asked the bartender, sidling up next to Yoongi.

Yoongi gave you a sidelong glance as the bartender quickly made your order and placed it in front of you.

“Cheers.” You held your drink out to Yoongi, and he smirked.

“Geonbae.” He offered, tapping his glass gently against yours before you both took swigs of your drinks. After the one sip, you sat your glass back down.

“I enjoyed our dance earlier. I’m really glad you asked me.” You told Yoongi, and the admission made him put his own drink down.

“It was nothing.” He chuckled dismissively, even though it certainly was not nothing to him.

“I was beginning to think you couldn’t take a hint.” You teased.

Yoongi only stared in response, finally meeting your gaze in time to see the twinkle in your eye.

“I wanted you to ask me to dance,” You explained, an amused smile playing on your lips, “I’ve been dropping hints all night. I was this close to giving up on being subtle and taking the direct approach, but you just barely beat me to the punch.”

Yoongi’s brow furrowed.

“You were flirting with Namjoon right in front of me…” He wasn’t accusing you, he was just confused.

You bit your lip.

“I was kinda trying to make you jealous.” You admitted, holding back a giggle. “It was childish, and stupid, I know, but it was a last resort.”

“You could have just asked me to dance.” Yoongi told you.

You chuckled fully at that.

“I know you, Yoongi. I would have had to drag you out onto the dance floor.” You shook your head. “I needed you to think it was your idea in the first place.”

Yoongi scoffed, but he knew you were probably right.

“I’m just sorry our dance got cut short.” You continued, barely giving Yoongi time to catch up. “Maybe we could finish it now?” You asked, nodding back toward the dance floor.

Yoongi hadn’t noticed until that moment that another slow song was playing; he took a beat to process everything.

Now you were asking him to dance?

“Yeah, okay.” Yoongi nodded simply, his body turning automatically towards the dance floor. With a beaming smile, you clasped his hand, pulling him along, and he felt the tug all the way up to his heart.

Yoongi knew what this sensation was now. He’d felt it often with you, it finally occurred to him, but up until tonight, he hadn’t thought about what it meant:

Yoongi liked you.

He really liked you. More than just a friend.

How it took him this long to figure it out, he didn’t know. But as the two of you returned to the dance floor and wrapped your arms around each other, Yoongi realized you must feel the same way. And he wondered how he’d failed to ever notice before.

He’d accused Namjoon of missing the obvious, but it turns out… all this time, Yoongi was the one who’d been completely oblivious.

He pulled you closer against his body as he mused, continuing to lead you in lazy circles in time with the slow rhythm.

“Noona?” Yoongi asked, his voice low and deep, as the song progressed toward its ending.

“Hmm?” You gazed up at him.

“Can I have the next dance, too?”

You smiled slowly, nodding.

“And the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that. Every dance you want, it’s yours.” You promised Yoongi, threading your fingers through the hair that brushed the collar of his suit jacket.

Yoongi’s smile grew to match yours as he lowered his head, his lips finding your cheek and pressing a soft kiss close to your ear. You tightened your hold around Yoongi’s neck in delight, and as you did, you caught sight of Namjoon standing alone on the edge of the dance floor.

Namjoon gave you a knowing smile, lifting a champagne glass in your direction, and you almost laughed as you put a shushing finger to your lips, shooting him a quick wink in return.

[riseatlantisss]

♧♧♧ Turn me Up ♧♧♧

Rockstar!Kyūma x gn!reader

TW : Fluff, light smut, our King of Clubs being hot AF, as per usual 

1,2K words, part 2 soon :)

Widely inspired by THIS feel free to listen on repeat while reading ! The fact that there’s no full version of this song available is a crime and I might sue. 

The Sology rocks the stage tonight. And Kyūma, the band’s singer who also happens to be your boyfriend, is on fire. 

Tonight, in Tokyo, the place to be is The Sology concert. The venue is completely sold out and in the pit, people are standing absolutely jammed together, yelling, cheering, jumping up and down, pushing each other around. Girls from the front row are screaming I love yous at the top of their lungs. It’s ridiculous and amazing and perfectly fitting for the band. Even though everyone seems to be having the time of their life, you count yourself lucky to be able to enjoy the show from backstage, away from the madness. One of the perks of dating a rockstar.  

Kyūma, standing right at the front and center of the stage, is clearly stealing the show. He looks ethereal, almost god-like and sounds fucking amazing. He glows and glitters and shines, you think, and don’t even bother to scold yourself for exaggerating, because you’re not. To you, Kyūma is everything. Seeing him bounce around on stage like he owns the place warms your heart. Up there, surrounded by bright lights and intense heat, he is completely in his element. You couldn’t be prouder of him.

You got a mind and a tongue of silver so,

His powerful, hypnotic voice echo through the whole venue, all the way back to the last rows. All of the energy of the room seems to be directed toward him. His dark eyes glitter brightly underneath the spotlight. All you can do is stare in awe. Sometimes you still can’t believe you get to have him as your boyfriend. It’s a gift beyond compare.

Please oh please I gotta get out.

Kyūma clutches the mic tightly and thrashes his head with excitement, his hair weeping accordingly, and the audience erupts. God he is fucking sexy. His broad shoulders and the rigid lines of his muscles are obvious underneath his black t-shirt, now soaked with sweat. He is a total shameless thirst trap on stage, but you think he’s hottest when he’s not even trying, when he laughs so hard he falls over, or distracted on his phone, his eyes wide and lips parted. When he performs, he looks deceptively smug and serious, but you know him better than anyone and you know that deep down he is a sweet, goofy, caring idiot. It was definitely that side of him that you fell in love with.

I can feel the same thing, 

It’s coming down like a fever over me,

I ain’t feeling like that now with myself.

As the band members continue playing, they sing along with him, harmonizing and amplifying his voice. He grips his microphone and carries it with him, the dark wire trailing behind him as he turns towards you, facing away from the crowd. His eyes didn’t take long to find yours despite the blinding lights and thick smokes invading the stage. He now looks right at you, smiling a mischievous sort of grin, and you want to catch on fire and melt on the floor. Those signature looks he gives you, the ones he’s always given you ever since you met, filled with love, hunger and malice, will never cease to make your heart race and your knees weak. Even after all this time.

So turn me up right now!

He sings that line to you and you only. You smile wide and try to fight the impulse to run to him, jump into his arms and do things to him that are definitely not appropriate in public. He turns back to the crowd as they cheer louder than ever and winks at you one last time over his shoulder.

-------

The last song fades out and the crowd roars at the end, having sung along throughout the entirety of it, as you try to regain control of your racing heartbeat.

TOKYO! We’ll see you soon!

The lights come up and the crowd goes wild, cheering for the band, chanting their names as they walk to the edge of the stage and bow, hand in hand, waving goodbye to the crowd. 

Kyūma immediately rushes over to you. He wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you. Sweat is pouring down the sides of his face, his hair damp and his shirt completely soaked through, but you didn’t care. You put your hand behind his neck and tilt your head slightly to deepen the kiss. You can feel him smile against your lips. You slip your hand under his shirt, splaying it across his flat abs. After several long, hot seconds, he pulls his mouth away and breathes harshly against your throat, still riding the wave of euphoria from the performance.

“So, what did you think?” He pants.

“The show was absolutely amazing.” You wrap both arms around his neck. “You were amazing. Most of the time I was just… watching you and no one else.”

“Of course you’re a tad biased!” He chuckles and shakes his head, disbelieving and flattered, flushing just barely. He runs his fingers through your hair, his eyes crinkling in the most adorable way as he smiles. “You know, I was nervous before I got on stage, knowing you would be watching the entire show.”

“What?! Kyūma Ginji was nervous? That’s a first!” 

He lets out a sarcastic huff of laughter. “I know, right! You should be flattered.”

You laugh and grab the buckle of his belt to pull him closer to you, further reducing the already thin gap between your bodies. 

“You look so hot on stage.” You say, licking your lips. “I had a hard time having to just watch you from afar when all I wanted was to get my hands on you.”

“What, and you made me wait around until now?” Kyūma teases and pushes you against the venue wall behind you. He claims your mouth once more, more hungrily this time, like he’s been waiting all night. The kiss is quick to devolve into a sloppy make out session that’s all tongue and teeth and you find it harder and harder to restrain yourself. You want to kiss him harder. You want to undo his pants. You want him to rid you of all your clothes and to fuck you so ha –

“Alright boys, let’s make this quick!” Your foreplays are cut short by road crew members shouting and running around the stage to pack up the band’s gear. You almost forgot about all of this. About the fact that you are still in a public place. Lucky for the both of you, your apartment in Tokyo is private. And nearby. And it has a bed. And a couch. And a shower.

You discretely reach for his crotch and gently stroke his cock through his pants, as to give him a foretaste of what he could and should expect from you later. He is already so fucking hard. He throws his head back and moans loudly. You put a finger against his lips and whisper into his ear.

 “Take me home, Kyūma.”.  

 He grins and looks at you with lustful eyes.

 “Oh, it’ll be my pleasure.”

[smolghostbot]

Heartbeat

A fluffy Patchwork Melody comfypasta I wrote the other night while experiencing some The Horrors in order to calm myself down. I've said before that I am extremely normal about heartbeats and this is kinda an exploration of that I am not sorry about it.

The line break about halfway through denotes a POV shift, if the second-person writing makes that unclear.

Word Count: 600 Character bios in my pinned post

======

His breathing is frantic, fast, panicked. You know it’s faster than yours normally, but it’s clear that he’s having a moment again.

“How can I help?” You ask, though you know what he’ll say. Sure enough, he moves one of his hands near his own heart. You understand instantly. Gently scooping him into your hand, you feel his heartbeat, like an engine.

Bump bump bump bump bump

You lay down on the couch, and gently open your hand, placing him on your chest. From the other side of your shirt, you can still feel his small heartbeat, still going wild.

Bump bump bump bump bump

“How about we watch some TV for a bit?” You say, though you know it’s for your sake more than his. He nods as he buries himself into the cotton of your shirt. Despite how often you lay like this, you always feel anxious about it. He’s so small, so soft. The fear and anxiety rises in your own heart, but you catch yourself. Deep breaths, we can’t both panic.

Sights, feelings, sounds.

The TV, playing the theme song of your favorite cartoon. The window, an opening to the rainy outdoors. Raindrops hitting the glass. And of course, your little partner, laying down in the center of your chest, pointed ear pressed against your shirt.

The feeling of his tiny body on you, the warmth radiating from such a small being. The couch, old but reliable. And his ever-present heartbeat pressed against yours.

Bump bump bump bump bump

It’s fast, but as you relax, you can feel him relax too. It slows, still much faster than your own, but slower. Good.

—

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

You lay there, on the vast surface of your partner’s chest, taking in every one of their heartbeats. The speed is slow, rhythmic.

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

Your heart still screams, fast in terror and anxiety. You feel a pounding in your chest, panic in your heart and memories in your mind.

Bump bump bump bump bump

No. Listen to hers. Slow, steady, gentle. You’re safe. She’s laying there, looking at you, adoration on her face.

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

They joke about it sometimes. “Dude, we’re partners, you don’t need an excuse if you want to lay there,” they say. You playfully slap at their pajama shirt. “Shut up”, you’d say, if you had the words. But the two of you don’t always need words to communicate.

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

The overwhelming bass of their heart, beating so slowly compared to your own, so deliberately. It’s calming, the slow beats, like a metronome for your breathing. In, out. In, and out. You are safe. You are okay. She is here.

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

Remember what she says. Sights, feelings, sounds. This is easy.

Your human partner, taking up most of your surroundings. The window, rain beating gently against the glass. The TV, playing some cartoon she loves. A collection of plants and books watching from the shelves.

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

The soft cotton of their shirt, the coarser fabric of yours. The heat of their body, a soft warmth. The gentle swaying of their chest as they breathe, causing you to rise and fall gently. The sensation is like floating, a gentle rocking motion.

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

And the sounds. The sounds of the rain outside, the soft sounds of the quiet TV, and of course, that ever present heartbeat.

Ba-dum… … … Ba-dum…

You close your eyes. “You’re not even watching the show anymore, are you?” she says with a smirk. She knows you aren’t. Her hand moves, covering you like a blanket, as your eyes flutter closed, and you drift off to sleep.

[swoneler]

I’m feeling rlly bored so

A post abt what inspired me to make Limler and his history, since he was the first onceler I made ever.

The inspiration!!

1. Creature Feature/Rufus Rex

Creature Feature was a band started by both Curtis RX and Erik X in the 2000s. It’s more “niche” nowadays but back then they had merch in hot topic and everything. Rufus Rex is a solo project from Curtis RX and I wanted to base Lim off of his work, so he’s more Rufus Rex than he is Creature Feature.

2. School For Little Vampires

Batler is more inspired than Lim is for this one, but I took HEAVY Inspiration from the art style. This show is originally german and, of course, based on a german book under the same name but Netflix picked it up and provided english episodes up until the last season. I thought the art style was cute and I had grown up with the show, so I wanted to use the art style for a nostalgic feel.

3. Rusty Cage

Once again, a music thing. You’d pronounce recognize him from his knife game songs, the noose songs, the cuss words song, or him building a giant guillotine and pretending to chop his head off on livestream, but i’ve been a fan of his work for quite some time now and felt I wanted to incorporate my love for his work into a character.

History section,,, aka me just rambling.

I think I had wanted to make a onceler myself for a few months before thinking of him, and he’s definitely gone through some phases. I’ll try not to spoil the story here,,,

Originally he was a showman running a freakshow and his name was cf-ler. This concept centered around The Greatest Show Unearthed, but I scrapped the idea. Then he was gonna be based off of Dr. Sawbones, a song and character also by CF and he would have a garden where he would use corpses as fertilizer. I wasn’t satisfied with that idea either obviously and tried to settle on him being trapped in what was kind of just the backrooms. I didn’t think of it like that until a friend pointed it out and I thought it was funny, that’s when i named him Lim.

Finally the most planned out (and still scrapped) concept. One of his engineers tampered with one of the machines in the factory, causing an incident where an employee had died. Because of the backlash and his inability to just let go of the past, he boarded himself up in his factory and refused to leave despite being tormented by the ghost of said employee. I liked the idea, but in the end I just didn’t like him as much as I could and now we’re at the current story!

[dressed2k1ll]

Did you watch the Barbie movie when it came out? What were your feelings on it, if so?

I found it was basic and disappointing, and it’s depressing that so many people seem to think it’s deep. I can understand that it was an entertaining movie and it gets props for that, but anything else is like :-| at least for me.

Thanks for having your blog up, it validates my feelings a lot abt gender and society. I lean much more into radical feminism personally

Thank you so much for the compliment and the question!!! Gosh if it weren’t for Tumblr I might go bananas! I need to know there are more out there like me!

So Barbie. First let me start by saying I’m a 43 year old woman. This movie was basically made exactly for my demographic in many ways: features many of my era of dolls and contained enough nostalgia to melt my brain.

I remember when I saw the first teaser, despite any logic or feminism I’ve grown to internalize, the teaser trailer (when she stepped out of her shoe) touched something very nostalgic and formative and pre-logical in my mind. I truly loved my Barbies, I ADORED the fashion and clothing changing (still do for myself lol), and the way that she did allow me and my childhood friend to navigate or play out or experiment with social dynamics, even though we couldn’t appreciate it in that way.

Having said that: ken also was the “object doll” of the Barbie world 😆 and so the promise of demonstrating. the banality of Ken as an inversion of what most people felt was as the banality of BARBIE became something truly new to me. It is a uniquely childhood-barbie-lover feeling.

Also for context: the last “Barbie” spinoff I knew was from the Simpsons Malibu Stacy doll episode, wherein they tried to use Lisa to critique the expectations Barbie seemed to place on girls (although sheesh - compared to social media, looks tame). It didn’t really succeed in moving the needle on trying to make Barbie a “feminist” icon.

Going in, I felt “okay, I realize they’re going to do something feminist with Barbie - it’s gonna go good, or it’s gonna go bad.”

For me? As a Barbie loving girl who grew into a feminist: it was fun, silly, very entertaining, unsubtle, and pretty basic politically.

I cried at the “what was I made for” song - I think this is a really great question every girl and woman should ask. Because 1. It brings attention to girl socialization and 2. It gives me that feeling I had when my feminism “kicked in” - like “what the fuck: I guess this was a lie”

My sense is if the movie DOES this for other women who aren’t as far along their feminist journey, holy shit: worth it.

My niece, who was 3 when she saw it, instinctively got upset when the men tried to put “the real” (she calls it) Barbie in the box. It touches something so unarticulated, so unexpressed - and it’s not sexualized, and it’s not women in captivity for men to be aroused by: it’s transcends that somehow.

And the line that Rhea Pearlman said stood out to me as important too: “We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they’ve come” - that CHOKED me. Because my mom WAS a struggling “free spirited” feminist that burned her bra but still wound up being a trad wife for my dad.

I didn’t see anything in the movie that made me ashamed to show it to young girls, which is rare.

So TL:DR, despite its basicness, it is a rare example of a successful feminist film for young girls. And it (I dare say) rehabilitated the doll from a more “sex ideal” image. If fans understand America Ferreras speech and it strikes them as new (and there are many) it’s worth it. It’s pushing the needle forward.

A couple more points (omg can you tell this is something I think about?)

1. Compare it with the other “women is made and not born” companion movie that came out: Poor Things, which was so clearly a male centered fantasy.

2. It’s an example of showing a world where women are empowered. What other movie or show has shown this as a viable alternative to patriarchy?

Thank you again for the question!!!!!

[plzhelpmeimmentallyill]

Phillip Graves Deep Dive

Forewarning

The playlist I have attached above goes along with these headcannons and my personal interpretation of Phillip's story and character. All of the headcannons are just headcannons. None of the following headcannons are canon to the actual storyline of Call of Duty MW2.

Trigger warnings for suicide, abuse, manipulation, religious topics, and death.

1. Introduction to the Show - Miracle Musical

Representative of the birth of Phillip Graves

Philip was born into a wealthy family, his father was a conservative politician, and his mother was a stay-at-home mother.

In all honesty, the only reason Phillip's parents had a child was for the public eye, trying to seem like a perfect little family for the press.

Philip's father pushed having a child onto his mother, and his mother felt an obligation to do what her husband told her.

Nine months later, Phillip Gaves was born into an abusive and unhealthy household.

2. Father - The Front Bottoms

In Phillip's early childhood, he was a very happy child despite the abusive nature of his father. This was until he realized that normal family's were not supposed to act like this, normal family's didn't hit and scream...

Once Phillip had developed an imagination, he often used it as an escape from his home. Away from his abusive father and his practically brainwashed mother. Even though Phillip was little - only around five years old - he would dream about leaving home.

Once Phillip expressed his feelings and his daydreams to his mother, she immediately told Phillip's father as soon as he arrived home from work. Phillip's father then beat him every time up until Phillip had mentioned anything about his imagination or anything about leaving home up until he was eighteen.

3. Think I'm Going To Kill Myself - Elton John

Once Phillip turned 16 he had finally had enough. He had enough of his abusive father, and his brainwashed mother who went along with everything his father muttered out of his lips... so he tried to commit suicide.

Thankfully, his attempt was unsuccessful. Phillip had tried to overdose in his room late at night, and thankfully, his mother found him before it had happened. Once his mother had found him passed out by a couple bottles of painkillers, she told Phillip's father. Phillip's father told her to not bother and to let him die, Phillips mother snapped out of her brainwashed haze and took Phillip to the hospital, It was the first time in years that his mother had disobeyed his fathers orders in years.

Eventually, Phillip had gotten sent to a mental hospital, staying there for a couple of months. The stay helped him mentally, but when he had told the resident therapist about his abuse, he didn't believe Phillip. After crying out for help about his family situation for a total of three months, Phillip was sent back home to his abusive father, and his mother was back in her brainwashed state.

4. Re-Do - Modern Baseball

After about a month of being back home with his parents, Philip turns seventeen, marking exactly one more year until he can leave his abusive household legally.

Even though Phillip was still heavily mentally ill, he pushed through every day, dreaming of finally moving out.

One day, when Phillip was walking home from school, he passed by a military recruiting station, specifically for the US Army. Phillip stopped and stared at the facility for a moment as the puzzle peices in his mind snapped together, and for the first time in his life he knew what he would do when he left his his family behind.

5. Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) - Billy Joel

The morning Phillip turned eighteen, he packed his things and practically ran to the Army recruitment center.

Phillip was overjoyed that he was finally going to be able to leave his abusive household. He was completely ready for everything and anything that would come his way while he was in the Army.

After getting recruited and staying in a hotel for a night or two, he was transported to his new job and home; the US Army.

6. Barracuda - Heart

As Phillip went through training and started going on small missions, he quickly started showing more and more potential. Phillip was quickly the most advanced soldier in his unit.

Phillip had quickly found his happy place: the training room. Every waking moment, he had free time he would train, whether it be solo or with a partner. The training gave him an outlet to let out his frustrations and anxieties.

For five whole years, Phillip improved every single day he trained. He completed missions left and right with ease, and eventually, a man by the name of Shepherd took notice of him...

7. Puttin' on the Ritz - Taco

After six months of communicating back and forth with Shepherd, Phillip was now one of the highest-ranking officers in the newest branch of special forces in the USA: Shadow Company.

Things seemed to be going very well for Phillip! He had felt like what he was doing actually meant something, and he felt like he was making important changes in the world.

Feeling like he was making a difference was great, but the money the job brought was even better, Phillip felt like a damn king!

8. Daddy Issues - The Neighborhood

Phillip obviously had a bad childhood. It was bad enough to still affect him to this day, and Shepherd helped... or so he thought.

Shepherd would ask Phillip for 'favors'... nothing that seemed too terrible at the time, just a college looking out for another, right?

All in all, the relationship was horrible for Philip and he started to realize that. Shepherd was using Graves and he knew it - but he knew he couldn't escape... he was too far in now.

9. You're Dead - Norma Tanega

After only being the CEO of Shadow Company for a few months, all of the stress was coming at Phillip in full force.

He knew fully well that the missions General Sheperd had been sending him and the shadows on were too dangerous for them to complete without losing many men and women.

The shadows were like Phillips family, and it hurt to see them get killed one by one...

10. Kiss Me, Son of God - We Might Be Giants

After another month or so, Phillip was going a bit mental.

He was tired of watching his shadows die by Shepherd's reckless missions, and it was really affecting him.

Kiss Me, Son of God is a very eccentric song that talks about a man who is praised for his 'contributions' and his 'selflessness' even though in all truth, he is actually ruining their lives.

This song represents Shepherd being the horrible man he is, not caring about how many lives are lost.

In turn, Phillip is becoming depressed and reckless, not caring much about his own life as he watches many around him die,

Shepherd's reign was causing him to fail.

11. Backstabber - Kesha

Shepherd had once again put them on a bullshit mission, this time it seemed doable... but he would have to betray the group he was working alongside. Shepherd was power-hungry, and it was clear.

Phillip didn't want to betray the men he was working alongside! The 141 was a group of amazing people who helped anyone they could, even if it was an inconvenience... But Phillip knew that he couldn't get out of this.

Phillip couldn't deny direct orders, Shepherd would surely kill him off if he didn't

11. Charlie's Inferno - That Handsome Devil

Phillip hates himself for betraying TF141.

He lays in bed at night not able to sleep, his betrayal and his past mistakes haunting him.

Have his good deeds outweighed the bad, or have the bad deeds outweighed the good?

Phillip thinks back to his upbringing and how they used to go to church every Sunday, not just to keep up family appearances, but to feed into his evangelical Christian beliefs.

Even though Phillip was never a religious person, he found himself lying awake at night thinking about life after death... what was waiting for him - paradise or fire?

12. Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters

Phillip was having a full-on crisis at this point.

Was he better off dead, Or was it too late for that? Even if he did die, where would he go?

All of the years of sitting through church services were finally getting to him... and it was hitting him hard.

After a few days, he had worked out his problems, pushing the worry into the back of his head as he busied himself with his next plan: faking his death.

13. Momento Mori: the most important thing in the world - Will Wood

Faking Phillip's death was going to be a hefty task... he needed to make his death believable and untraceable.

All of the plans he had come up with in his head all seemed like they would end up failing... until he got news of a certain task force that was trying to take back the base he had been forced to siege from the Varquero's.

From that moment on, Phillip spent any free time of his day planning his fake death - using a remote control tank with an intercom system inside... which would all be blown up if his plan went right.

And his plan had seemingly gone very well. Task force member Soap had bought the bait and had blown up the tank with C4, both 'killing' Phillip and destroying the evidence of his fake death.

The aftermath...

After Phillip faked his death, it had convinced both TF141 and Shepherd fully, Everyone was fully convinced that he was dead - except the Shadows. Phillip and the Shadows were still performing operations like usual, but they held up to their name and kept their work in the shadows. They worked independently - away from Shepherd and the rest of the command. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note

Wow... That took way longer than expected! This may not look like a lot of work, but it took me a couple months to finish. I kind of forgot about this whole post when I was halfway through with it, but I've been pushing to get it finished this past week. I really hope that this post finds the right audience, and I hope you guys enjoyed reading my angsty headcanons 😭. xxx

[gibor-zolel]

Let's Wrestle! Wayne x F! Reader

Words: 3.8k

Warnings/Tags: Powerful build, mystical, book smart, Wayne is an angel truther, gets bizarre and mildly nsfw at the end, sex with an eldritch being.

Songs used were Lecha dodi and Song of Songs 7

A chilling breeze brushed against your skin, tingling your senses and making small bumps as you watched Tabitha and Stella reconnect from afar.  They had been talking for a good while when Tabby put a comforting hand on Stella as the audacious yet seemingly fickle woman shifted closer to her ex-friend, ex-lover, ex something.

You couldn’t overhear what was being said but it felt as if whatever burdens the two women shared had been lifted, if only for a moment under the quiet moon.  The luminous light shined above them; a spotlight centered only on them and the rekindling of their flame

Yet here you wait…in the dark and alone.

(Mystical) Their souls are tied together once more.  Nothing will come between them again.  Not even if Pearlanne would wake from her slumber.

There it was again.  That gut instinct.  That sensation that told you more than your eyes, ears, nose, hands, ever could.  That gut instinct had pulled you into increasingly dangerous situations ever since you got here.

And now it was telling you that whatever hope you had of winning Stella over was gone.  She wasn’t yours.  Never could be.

Whatever. 

Tabitha still loved her and while you were a troublemaker you wouldn’t dream of making her more miserable than she already was.  After causing so much worry for her it felt wrong to come between the two.

Zipping your jacket close as another icy draft hit your face, you turned around and began heading home.  Dread washed through your spirit with each step towards the woods; knowing what was in them.

(Powerful build) Why were you even afraid?  Punching one of those parasites was akin to hitting play dough.  You could take em’.

"Come along now, it’s quite a hike back to the estate."

Wayne had suddenly appeared out of thin air and was standing directly in your path.  It hadn’t even been twenty steps away and here he was.  The smell of decay assaulted your senses whenever he got nearby.

“Holy shit you scared me!  Why do you always do that?  And back up man!  Your stench is getting worse!”

Wayne emitted that uncanny cough; which to your guess was his version of a chuckle.

“I thought you had moved past your fear.  You should know I’m always near you even if you can’t see me.”

Rolling your eyes as you regarded the definitely not human entity, you crossed your arms and huffed.

“It’s not about being scared of you, I just don’t like being snuck up on!  If you’ve been watching me all this time you should know that.”

(Powerful Build) Your muscles were still tense from being startled, fingers ever so slightly tingling and spasming with desire to go punch or wrestle this fear out of you.

(Mystical) It doesn’t matter how many reps you do or how heavy you can lift; your soul is frightened and no amount of mass can conquer the mind.

“Your heart is palpitating…. it’s not good for you to be on edge…”

“Duh but it’s hard not to be anxious in this awful little town I’ve been pulled back too”

“You don’t have to help them…you can always stay in the estate like I asked of you.  These “people” are not your friends.  They’re parasites eating away at your body and soul.  You’ve continuously put your life on the line to help them despite my warnings."

Not this again.

“I know you like showing off for me.  Where would you even be if I wasn’t putting myself in danger?” Giving him a playful wink, your eyes traveled all over the figure standing before you.  The rot had gotten worse; and you struggled to remember what you had learned in forensic science class years ago.

(Book smart) Sam Wayne’s body was past the point of bloat but the livor mortis still patterns the body in bruise like marks.  He was in active decay now.  Yet there were no flies or maggots devouring his skin.  Perhaps even the pestilence feared whatever laid inside the carcass.

Part of it disgusted you, part of it excited you.  This unsettling yellow eyed freak had taken a liking to you for whatever reason and you were going to make it your mission to tease and taunt him.

“How come you hide your face from me?”

“You wouldn’t wish to see what’s underneath.”

“Nah.  You’re just shy, aren’t you?”

Wayne’s glowing dots shined through the veil but it said nothing.

“How tough are you anyway?”  Circling the thing that stood in your path, you wanted so badly to tackle him and wrestle him into the dirt.  No hint of malice in your body; just a need to unleash that nagging panic that lingered.  He, no…it; could take it; there would be no need to hold back out of fear of injuring your sparring partner.

“Encircling me like a starving beast will not increase your chances of killing me.  You cannot harm me.”  There was a subtle irritation in its voice.  This had been the first time the creature inhabiting Wayne’s body had showed any emotion and it was annoyed by you.

Without another word, you lunged at the figure, grabbed its right wrist and formed a pocket grip on the collar of its miners jacket.  An involuntary scrunch of your nose happened due to the proximity of death filling your nostrils. Wayne had jerked its head back, as if expecting a punch to the face rather than a vice grip on its wrist.

“Ha!  Did you flinch?  Who’s scared now?”  Confidence began to flow in increasingly zealous veins.  You could feel your veins expand and contract with adrenaline at the thought of rolling with a demon or whatever Wayne was now.

“Don’t.” Its voice dripped with less subtle irritation now. 

(Mystical) The entity’s aura is brimming with displeasure.  It would be unwise to push your protector too far.  Do you wish to drive everyone away?

“Geez man relax!” Taking your grips off of it, you stepped back and gave the entity a lopsided grin.

“I’m not trying to attack you!  I just wanna wrestle!  It’s not like I can hurt you anyways so what does it matter?  Sparring with someone brings you closer to the other person!  You get to see how the other person thinks in the heat of the moment and how their body reacts to pressure.  It’s the ultimate mind-body experience!  Come oonnnn!  Let’s wrestle!”

Wayne tilted its head to the side and stared at you through the veil covering its face, bright yellow pupils shined outward as it contemplated this.

Finally, it let out another coughing fit.  This one longer than the last as it seemed to be amused by this development.  Any trace of frustration was gone.

“I am glad you’re no longer afraid but you cannot hope to match me in such a way.  Let’s go, it’s getting late and you need your rest.”  Wayne's body turned around and started along the path to the estate.

Shoulders slumped down in disappointment at the rejection and you begrudgingly followed your silent stalker. 

“Obviously you’re just worried I might actually beat you and then you couldn’t be so condescending to me…” There was a need inside your soul to poke at Wayne's emotions.  A need to see it unravel before you and dispose of its stoic character.  Everyone had a breaking point, a line that shouldn’t be crossed.  You just wanted to figure out what that line was.  Push and see how far you could push before Wayne abandoned you.  Then again…did you truly want to cross that line?

Wayne didn’t bother responding.   

Dick.

Perhaps it would be better to question Wayne about everything that happened tonight.  At least to fill the void of silence in the forest.

“Did you know…Reese was like that?” Wayne had to have known right?  Why else would Reese be called a “thing”?

“I knew he was different.  How exactly, I wasn’t sure but now I know.”

Nodding your head, you looked out into the night sky, deep in thought.

“Thanks for looking out for me tonight.”

“Anytime you find yourself in danger, I will be there for you.  I will always be there for you.”

Really?  Always?  Wayne's words made a lump in your throat.  It felt as if you couldn’t breathe.  Someone…always being there for you?  Never to abandon you or hate you? 

No.  This spirit…entity…whatever it was didn’t mean that.  It couldn’t have.

Still the thought caused butterflies to flutter in your abdomen and your head felt fuzzy with an indescribable pleasure.  Its detached sonorous voice never failed to thrill you in all the wrong ways. 

Reaching out, you attempt to hold its hand.  Sure, it was probably all mushy or disgustingly cold but you needed to hold its hand.

Wayne pulled away and left you grasping for air. 

“A thoughtful gesture, but you don’t want to do that.  I wouldn’t wish to frighten you.”

Your heart sank and you gave him a pitiful look.

“I could never be afraid of you.  I know you’re not human but I still want you...”

Muscles began twitching again, the emotions were too much.  Why couldn’t you be stoic like Wayne?  It was so painful to care for others and be rejected, to not be enough.

“No need to fret, there will be a time and a place.”

Your spirit quickly lifted at those words but you couldn’t have guessed what would next leave the entity’s mouth.

“The bond we could share…” Its gaze titled upwards towards the stars, was it reminiscing on something?

After a moment its gaze drifted back to you.

“It would be deeper than any bond you could form with anyone else” The sentence left its rotting lips as if fact.  No room for argument.

Your stomach began to twist into knots, no longer that pleasant feeling of infatuation but a deep seeded insecurity creeping up.

The estate was within sight, it’s decaying yet powerful presence reminded you of Wayne. There was a thought haunting your heart ever since Wayne had rescued you from the library. 

“Don’t leave me tonight…please…I don’t want to be…alone.  Tabby doesn’t like me no matter how hard I try to connect with her.  I thought we were making progress but…I-I…I don’t know.  She says family matters to her but she acts like she hates me!”  Admitting that out loud hurt.  You had never gotten along with your mother so when Tabitha invited you to her mother’s funeral it felt like a chance to finally have a family.  Finally have someone who would love you no matter what.

But Tabitha didn’t love you either.

A single hot streak of water ran down your right cheek.  Oh, fuck were you crying?

(Book smart) Tears made from heartbreak contain stress hormones such as prolactin, potassium, and manganese.  Your body is attempting to soothe you.

Wayne stopped right outside the estates gates and looked back at you, still no emotion in its harrowing yellow eyes.

“Save your tears for yourself.  Cry, if you must relieve whatever is inside but don’t cry for someone else.  These miserable fleshlings are of no concern.  Cowardly, contumelious, thoughtless, arrogant, foolish, that’s all they are.”

Blinking away your tear, you gave Wayne a shocked looked.  It had said some callous things before but this?

“Did you just call my friends fleshlings?” Such an abrasive thing to say, it almost made cynical laughter erupt from your sore throat.

“Made from flesh and bone are they not?” The condescension in Wayne's voice would be miss able to anyone else but you.

“I-I-I thought I really bonded with Stella…I was gonna go to the general store tomorrow and pick her up some chocolates.  When I told her that I lived in an internet café she even suggested I could move in with her after Pearlanne’s funeral.  I thought maybe…m-maybe we c-c-could build something together.”  It sounded more inane as you choked back another stream of tears.

“Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce”

“I-what?  Are you serious?” What were you supposed to say to that?  Wayne always said the cruelest things so casually.  It had caught you so off guard you almost laughed.

“I’m very serious.  Look at yourself.  You’ve stained up the carpet with your tears.”

Wait you were inside the estate?  You hadn’t even noticed.  Looking down at the carpet, there it laid, dampness in a solitary spot, evidence of all the suffering this week had brought into your life.

“You’ve barely known these creatures for a week and you almost gave away years of your life for a piece of property.  And for what?  When you got home your cousin didn’t even believe you.  She’s been scornful by the thought of your very presence since she knew of your birth.”

This was too much.  Eyes closed shut as imagines of a happy family flooded your mind.  You wanted that so bad.

“I want to go to bed”

Wayne stepped forward, a piece of cloth in its hand, and wiped the moisture from your face as the two of you headed upstairs.  A strange and unexpected gesture.

Nothing but numbness flowed in your body as you deteriorated into the bumpy mattress.  Wanting this nightmare to be over with.

Wayne stood at the side of the bed and peered down at you.  The corpse was close yet there was no flinching at the stench anymore.

“Why are you still here?” The voice that escaped sounded nothing like your own.  It was too harsh, too broken, all too painfully human.

“You asked me to make sure you weren’t alone tonight so here I am.”

“Thanks…” Yet there was no trace of gratitude in your tone.  Not after what it had said to you.

Wayne, sensing this, loomed over your body and got uncomfortably close to your face.

“As I understand it; my candor may seem dismissive or unsympathetic to mortals such as yourself.  I only wish for you to see things as they are.  Not how you wish they were.”

“I get it man.  Please just let me sleep…”

But Wayne didn’t leave, instead it moved even closer and now you could no longer mentally block the putrid aroma.

“I could pay you a visit tonight in your dreams.  Would you like that?”

(Mystical) There is a foreboding intent behind this question.  If you say yes there’s no going back. 

Swallowing, you gazed into its piercing dots that made up its version of eyes.

“Yes”

Everything went black as sleep forced itself onto you, sinking into the mattress, the last thing your eyes witness were a glimmer of ecstasy in the spirit’s unrelenting gaze.

You were alone again, surrounded by the trees of the forest with no ditchlings in sight.  Looking up, there were no brilliant stars in the sky to look at, nor a reassuring moon to light your path. 

Instead, there were storm clouds gathering in the sky as lightning struck and faint sounds of thunder rumbled and echoed seconds after.  Taking a deep breath, you finally relaxed and hummed up at the heavens, taking in the moment. 

You loved storms ever since you were a child.  You vaguely remembered breaking out of the house one day while your mother was showering.  Using the books from your shelf you had crafted a stepping stool to reach the locks and raced outside to watch the lightning streak the dreary heavens.  There was something so mesmerizing about the thunderstorm, it called to your soul, beckoning you to witness it.  Your mother had pulled you back inside soon after, furious for putting yourself at risk.

A solitary light from across a riverside snapped you out of nostalgia.  Taking one step forward, then two, then three and without any more reluctance, legs began racing headfirst to greet it.

Approaching closer and closer to the light, you weren’t even sure what your eyes were witnessing.  Two radiant wing like appendages with hundreds of eyes sprawled over them stood alongside each other and a darkness was sheltered in the middle between them.  Two yellow dots examined you from the shadowy parts of the beast. 

(Mystical) It wishes to be witnessed.  To bare its soul in pleas of matrimony and covenant

Standing only a few lengths away, words couldn’t form in your spiraling mind.  This was a dream but it felt so physical, so real.

Still no words could find structure, so in the silence; it spoke for you, sang for you.  

“Come in peace, crown of her husband,

 Both in happiness and in jubilation;

 Come O Bride! Come O Bride!”

The voice sounded so commanding yet devoted in its praise and longings.  The rumbling vocals were unlike anything heard by human ears.

“Oh, so you’re cultured huh?” Small laughter found its way out at last.  You weren’t sure what to expect but it certainly wasn’t this.  “You have a lovely singing voice…”

“Come, my beloved, let us go out to the field, let us lodge in the villages,

 Let us rise early for the vineyards, let us see if the vine has blossomed,

 If the tender grapes have appeared, If the pomegranates are in bloom,

 There I will give my love to you”

Heat swelled up in your cheeks the more it sang to you.  Singing the song of songs no less.

The fields were full of pomegranate trees that came into flower.  Bright red and matured for harvesting.  Had they always been there?  Or had your subconscious formed them after hearing the melody?

Sighing, you came closer to the two yearning eyes sheltered in the darkness caused by its wings.  It was time to give your response.

“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is upon me”

Laughter emitted from the shades.  No coughing this time, rather this was its true voice, untethered by the vocals of a rotting body.  “The song is out of order…but that’s fine.”

Lighting flashed and thunder roared over the looming clouds as the darkness began creeping in to surround the two souls, forcing you to get closer to avoid being swallowed up by the storm.  Wayne’s presence became more terrible as you neared it, the blackness sheltered by its wings could no longer hide its form from your mortal eyes.  The darkness bowed before such divinity.

A body or what resembled a body was kneeling in front of you.  Interweaving ribbons of lightning shaped its torso, hands, legs, everything.  In between the electricity were rotating eyes that directed all of their attention to you.  It looked more like an eldritch nervous system than a fully fleshed out frame.  Yet in its center there was a luminous shape that you could only guess were its lungs “breathing” in and out.  Its head was much like the rest of its body except only two eyes were embedded on instead of hundreds.  It had no mouth, yet…it spoke.

You felted so exposed under its gaze.  It could see your soul in its entirety.  All of your faults, your dreams that never came true, your insecurities, laid bare for Wayne to ogle at with its lecherous yellow dots.  A feeling of nakedness incapacitated your spirit.  No…looking down you were naked.

“I have seen it before, there is no need to hide from me.”  

What?!  This pervert!

“Please no more…don’t look at me in such a way.  It feels as though you’re picking me apart when you do that.”  Tears welled up in your eyes once more, this was too much, too soon.  Your heart shouldn’t desire such a thing.  What would Tabitha think?  Or Stella?  Or Keneeka? 

“Do not be embarrassed! Do not be ashamed!

 Why be downcast? Why groan?

 Your despoilers will become spoil,

 Far away shall be any who would devour you”

Its melodic chant eased your howling heart, closing your eyes you cleansed yourself of any guilt for what was about to happen.  And hey if no one else, Avery would understand, wouldn’t they?

“You enjoy switching between songs it appears.  Melodies flow so easily for you despite your lack of lips.” Chuckling at the thought, a sense of elation befell inside the soul.

“Well, you wished to wrestle with me, did you not?  Let us wrestle then.”

 Its wings encased you, trapped you inside as it took your body, your soul, your mind. 

(Powerful Build) Souls quarreled against each other in a fight for domination.  It was overwhelmingly strong, inhuman, insistent, but not all powerful. 

(Book smart and Mystical) Unfortunately for Wayne; you knew this play and how it ended.

Gripping its wrists and pushing your body against it, you struggled with all your might.  Otherworldly sensations coursed in your frame; feelings of agony, feelings of despair and hope, of regret and longing, feelings of abandonment and devotion.  All emotions felt at once, even in contradiction. 

Lifting your hips up, you dug and hooked your legs into its upper frame and, using your hooks, you pulled the monster closer and tried to pin it into side control.  As the two of you struggled to pin the other, Wayne entered you without any warning.  Ripping the air out of your lungs as your mortal body panicked at the abominable chafing.  You let the pain pass over and held on to the thing ascending upon you.

Sensing it was losing, Wayne began to assault your essence with sensations of inconceivable pleasure and relaxation, your body started to tremble with euphoria, your breath got ragged and hoarse as exhaustion and the need to rest came over. A final attempt to make you surrender.

Legs shook with the want to kneel and submit but instead nails dug deeper into its ethereal flesh, refusing to let go.  Maybe you couldn’t grapple it into its guard yet but you’d stubbornly hold on until it needed to rest.  

I didn’t matter how long it took, even until the dawn, if necessary, that be!

At the first sign of vulnerability, you used the last bit of your strength to put Wayne into half guard, hooking your left leg and entangling its lower body as you mounted the spirit and trapped its right arm under your weight.

“Such fighting spirit” Wayne snickered.

Sunlight broke through over the harsh gloomy skies and Wayne reared back, trying to disentangled itself but found it couldn’t do so.

“Let me go.”

Giving the spirit a wolfish grin, you taunted “Beg me”

Wayne paused for a moment, in consideration before it relented.  “Please…let me go.”

‘Good enough.”

Slowly, eyes opened to the dusty bedroom you slept in.  Your legs felt as if they had dead lifted a tremendous weight and through it all you sensed a wetness in between them and a different kind of ache inside.  Cheeks became red with embarrassment and you turned over to the clock in realization it was already ten in the morning.  Pain throbbed throughout your body as you rose up and started putting on clothing.

“Ahhh damn it!” Placing a hand on your left hip bone, you wrenched over in discomfort.  When the hell did Wayne hit your hip?

“What a dick…hopefully that goes away soon…” Grumbling, you made your way downstairs, stumbling a bit but ready to face the new horrors that awaited with new found confidence.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

You make a really interesting point actually.

I’ve always been aware that not every member was going to be equally talented in certain categories and sometimes they weren’t even that talented and were added just for their looks (which I don’t believe is right considering the overwhelming amount of talented people that could’ve been in their place, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them any less). But I feel like I saw people always being kinda mean about it so I tried to defend them and sometimes try and delude myself into believing they had more talent than they really did. I just wanted to be more positive if I’m being honest, but hindsight is 20/20 and I’ve realized that them being mean wasn’t always the case, they were just stating the facts lol. I’ve also grown since then. Idols like that still exist and I don’t hate on them for it. But I also don’t try and convince myself or anyone else that they’re something they’re not. I have hopes that they’ll continue to improve though!

As for demanding equal lines, I admit that I am one of those people, or I at least just complain about it to myself or my friends. But I’ve recently realized that more often than not, it’s for a good reason. They might not get many lines in singing or rap, but they can be a stellar dancer and show their talent through that. I’ve never quite considered that to be a possibility.

I do remember times though where I noticed a member got little to no lines, but were constantly center or at the front during the dance or got lots of screen time during the music video. I’d like to think that the reason why that is is because the company wants the members to present themselves and perform in the best way possible that is effective to their strengths and weakness and not because they like or dislike a member more than the others (which is also a possibility that I keep in mind).

The thing with all-rounders is interesting as well. I personally do think that some idols are all-rounders, they’re just the strongest in one category and that’s usually the one that they present as the most. But I agree that most idols aren’t all-rounders when their fans consider them so. I wonder if that’s just because they want to think the best about them even when it’s not completely true. I personally do base my “favorite singer in the group” or “favorite rapper in the group” off of my personal tastes, but I’ll always say that when stating my opinion because I know it’s not a universal thing.

The Kpop fandom as a whole is soooo… I don’t even know.

Anyways! I’m sorry for the long paragraph and opinion that literally no one asked for 🥲, I’m just having all of these epiphanies😅

I hope you’re doing well! Love youuuuu🫶🫶🫶

I guess in kpop it makes sense some are added for their looks. Kpop isn't just about vocals. In fact it mainly isn't and the visuals are the stan attractors but they at least should carry a tune and there should be a proper main vocalist.

Yeah there is being mean and there is stating a fact. Like i said some are my own faves and even i can admit they're not good lmao but they shine somewhere else

Oh i used to be one of the equal lines demanders and i used to resent jungkook because he got the most lines in bts songs lol but now i get it. He is by far the most stable live and the most in control over his own vocals. My own fave at the time V had and still has very poor technique that despite his pleasant tone of voice makes him hard to listen to for long.

Yup while there are cases of idols with good vocals not getting their due lines (liz from ive is the most recent example) sometimes they make the idol shine in something else like momo in twice. Ofc at the same time they should still get a couple of lines so they're not completely removed from the song because that's just cruel.

Yeah there are all rounders but they're very rare. Like txt for example, yeonjun is the only all rounder. The rest aren't and it's dishonest to say they are but companies wanna claim their idols are all all rounders to not do the work of finding standout talent over just visuals. Like newjeans, ive, lesserafim, all groups I adore but where is the main vocalist? Main dancer? Main rapper?

Yeah the kpop fandom is made up of younger kids so of course they'd be passionate about defending their faves. I was when i was their age.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I would love to know your thoughts about the German poem being seemingly corded around his body. Also has your interpretation of the panopticon usage changed at all given that the same set was used for the entire music video and he never left it?

First, I'd like to put side by side the poem and this text that from the very beginning hints at the message(s) in the album.

The first four lines in the Face text are mirroring Rilke's first stanza, like this:

I live my life in widening circles

That reach out across the world

Wave spreads beautifully,

Finding its own flow.

I think it shows being open and willing to experience whatever life brings on. The speaker, and in this particular case Jimin, is at the center of it. His existence is the one that creates the waves, the widening circles that can encompass a myriad of people, experiences. But, it comes with an important observation:

I may not complete this last one

But I will give myself to it.

Despite wounds and distortions

From a smallest scratch.

There a show of resilience here, of accepting that despite how much it can hurt, it's the only way to actually live. It's not an easy task. And that last circle doesn't need to be completed. Perhaps only in death, but until then, it's about the trajectory, of keep trying. Yes, he might get hurt along along the way but let's not forget the hint of optimism of the way in which the wave spreads beautifully. It's not a contradiction, but just the way life works.

I've been circling for thousands of years

And I still don't know: am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?

The face of unwavering effort

Despite repeated falls and pain.

One ends with a question, while the other one hints at choosing an answer. In Rilke's poem, it is left to the reader's choice to take away from it what one might be after questioning's life purpose. Or perhaps one key of interpretation is that we can be all of those three at different times in our lives, depending on the experiences we have when we let things in.

Jimin might be a beautiful song, but also the falcon. God here can be interpreted as a metaphor. The primordial tower. That can take a meaning depending on what the one thing or more in someone's life that stands at the center of their existence. We each have our own answer to that. For Jimin, it might be himself, "the face on unwavering effort". That's his answer.

The panopticon is not a physical place. That struggle and the reveal of inner demons happens inside, and the metaphorical liberation from the imprisonment takes place at the end. I think Jimin showed throughout the video that he's a falcon, a storm and a beautiful song and lastly, he chose himself.

I found a beautiful interpretation of the poem. I suggest reading it because it can actually help in understanding a lot more the concept of Set Me Free Pt. 2 and why it makes such good sense to have it connected to Jimin.

[lonelylonelyghost]

Love me, love my voice - a Cdrama where good things happen to good people

Fair warning - it's the fluffiest fluff that ever fluffed the Earth, so if you crave some drama and violence at the moment, then maybe save this one for later.

The plot of this drama is extremely simple. A university student, going by her second identity online as Sheng Sheng Man, produces/sings traditional style music. Due to a coincidence she gets acquainted with Qiang Qing Ci - a very famous but mysterious voice actor who never shows his face in public, with whom she bonds over a shared passion for good food. And a slow, gentle love story starts from here.

If you are tired of misunderstandings, love triangles, stupid decisions and unnecessary conflicts between your romantic leads; if you want to witness healthy relationships, tight friendships and just an ungodly amount of cuteness - then you came to the right place.

(Also there's a lot of cooking and/or eating delicious food. In every episode. Really, don't watch it when you're hungry, you'll die)

Now, I don't usually read or watch something that has romance at its front and center (though there are always exceptions, albeit rare). But I'm obsessed with Under the Skin, and I loved Word of Honor, so I decided to give Tan Jianci and Zhou Ye a chance for at least one episode, and well - here I am, writing this whole thing after watching the show and then even reading the original novel.

Qiang Qing Ci (or Mo Qing Cheng irl) is a smart and kind man, a doctor, who can cook and has an absolutely gorgeous voice that he uses for good but could use for evil (Tan Jianci could hypnotize people and I wouldn't even mind tbh). How can he work as a doctor and actor simultaneously, you might ask? That's Cdramaland for you, baby! His outer softness doesn't mean that he is completely harmless however. For all of you little freaks out here (myself included), there are some *ahoy!* moments too

Sheng Sheng Man (or Gu Sheng irl) is a girl surrounded by the love of her parents, five slightly overprotective cousins and her friends. She's shy and a bit sheltered, but not stupid, and Zhou Ye's acting makes her character very charming instead of the cringe that is usually associated with this kind of type of girl on screen.

Almost every character there is a good person, and you know, sometimes you just want to see those kinds of people have a great time. They do what they like for a job, fall in love, go on holidays, have friends that are ride or die for them and vice versa. There's no jealousy and backstabbing, all problems are resolved quickly, and everybody can actually COMMUNICATE.

One thing that I'd noticed while watching that surprised me a lot - is how everybody's acting is so relaxed and natural. When they're in a group together, you genuinely believe that all of them are good friends with each other in real life too. The light teasing, interrupting one another while talking, their mutual support and closeness. The actors probably had a lot of fun while filming. And goddamn, it's so good to see it! I'm also insanely jealous.

Music

Traditional music and the profession of voice acting are as much of main characters as our romantic leads are. The way that it was shown was so full of love and respect for the craft and people involved in it, it's amazing.

Despite the simplicity of the plot, there are still moments of heightened emotions, and people there deliver! Their acting shines through especially during the on-stage performances.

That "Swan Song" broke me. I swear, during this whole performance I was bawling my eyes out.

(also insert here a joke about Shen Yi probably being able to recreate Qiang Qing Ci's face based on just his silhouette).

(This is a Night Show in Yangshuo that the characters attend at some point, "Impression Liu Sanjie", an absolutely incredible performance, and I'd pay all the money I don't have to go see it personally)

Side characters (a completely self-indulgent section):

This is a rare Cdrama where there are no annoying side characters. I love them all and would kill anyone who'd think of bothering them even slightly.

These are MuMu (outwardly cold but actually very kind and empathetic) and MoBai (a lovable dumbass), a couple of cosplayers that pop up here and there, and nothing that you say will convince me that they're not together.

(And sure, you can read it as purely platonic friendship between bros, but honestly why would you. Also, I think the creators made a perfect recipe to avoid the wrath of censorship - just get two guys, occasionally make them say that they're single and looking for girls, but then show them always together, and just don't explain anything.) (Watch me finding a subtext even in the straightest show I've watched in years.)

The same goes for singers Fei Shao and Wang Ke, except for they're both bumbasses, and I love them dearly.

Dou Dou Dou Bing, a manager of their recording studio as well as the voice actress, and she's awesome.

Jue Mei Sha Yi, a voice actor, a CEO of his own company and the one that the Viki's live comment section thirsts for A LOT.

Feng Ya Song, a voice actor and a pediatrician as a side gig, and he's cute.

Geng Xiao Xing, a friend of Gu Sheng, works for some app (?) that collaborates with the voice studio. She's also cute and I like her hairstyle.

... And some others.

***************************************************************

If what I've described here interests you at all, then feel free to check it out. I think this is a good show to watch right now, as we all collectively try to crawl out of the winter depression.

This has been your friendly ghost from Abyss, with some recommendations on how to distract yourself from the horrors of existing（*＾-＾*）

[couldbebetterforsure]

In case anyone missed it this is the video with the previews for the tracks for the Ryuseitai Trip Album! Aaaaaaahhhhh my boys always release such incredible bangers!!! There’s no such thing as a bad Ryuseitai song!

I’ve already given my thoughts on Suisei Halation, Colors Arise, Nekketsu Ryusei Ninpouchou, Relax Paradise, and Bokura no Stella before. All of the them are still absolute bops and I am so excited to hear the full version of Relax Paradise and Bokura no Stella!!! Once the trip album comes out and I hear the full versions of the new songs I think I’ll make a new version of that “Ryuseitai has no bad songs” post of mine. And I am sooooooo happy that Heart Heat Beat is being included in the album, I’ve already said this song is a hidden gem in Ryuseitai’s discography so hopefully more people will get to know it’s beauty!

New Daybreak: Sounds like such a classic song to me, somehow nostalgic for my childhood watching old anime. I love that from the preview alone it sounds like the juniors are the one taking the lead for this song.

Unmei Power Energy!: I said Tetora’s voice is underrated and I meant it! He sounds so damn good here! I love the feel of this solo, it gives a similar energy of his original solo but I think this one really is showing off his voice more.

Green to the Sky: Aaaaahh!!!! Midori sounds so happy and energetic in this one! A very different feel from his original solo but I adore that he sounds so much peppier. Feels like it fits with Midori’s growth and how important Ryuseitai is to him now.

Seisei Doudou Ouenka: I wanna bounce around listening to this one, lots of energy and power from Shinobu here. It has such a bright vibe to it and I can easily picture Shinobu bouncing around and smiling brightly as he sings this.

Kokoro de Pittari Ai ni Naru: What kind of title is this Chiaki?! 😂 I don’t know what song I was expecting with this title but I love what we got! It’s not as powerful as what we usually hear from Chiaki but I actually like that a lot! I’m super curious to hear the full version for sure!

Happy Drops: A very bubbly sounding song for Kanata! I’m happy his solo matches the energy level of everyone else’s, it sounds really good for him! His original solo was much slower sounding so I like that they changed it up here!

My main takeaway from this is how the feel of the album seems to really show how Ryuseitai has changed. Originally their group songs have a generally similar feel to it while their original solos were very different sounding from each other. I feel like that emphasized that they are all individuals despite being part of one unit. But in the case of the trip album, the center songs all sound pretty different from each other while their solos have the same kind of energy/feel to it. And I think the point here is to emphasize that yes, Ryuseitai is made up of five individuals who have their own ideals and personalities but at the end of the day they are all part of the same unit, all Ryuseitai.

Sorry, I don’t know if I’m explaining myself properly 😅 The point I’m trying to make is that before, the songs seemed to be trying to show that hey, these guys are all unique. They all have their own personalities and beliefs and can’t be simplified down to same concept. But this album is showcasing that hey, we’ve shown how these guys are all unique and we’ve shown how they all have their own take on things. But no matter what happens, they all still belong together. They are all Ryuseitai: five wonderful individuals who come together to create an incredible unit!

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview with L’Officiel Hommes Italia (2021)

In preparation for the second season of Bridgerton, Jonathan Bailey took daily horse riding lessons. The actor, who got his start due to the global success of Shonda Rimes' Netflix series, has a story that's waiting to be discovered. His story peaks through when he shares his favorite song, "Graceland" by Paul Simon. The song that shares the journey down Route 61 towards Elvis Presley's estate in Memphis is not one that people would assume, but it's what makes Bailey all the more intriguing. In reality, it serves as a metaphor for a long, cathartic trip that shares the end of Simon's poignant romance with actress Carrie Fisher. If this isn't enough to make you wonder what else is on Bailey's mind, the actor dives deeper into his quirks and passions with L'OFFICIEL.

L'OFFICIEL: Bridgerton was the most-watched series ever on Netflix. How has your life changed since the show aired?

JONATHAN BAILEY: I feel exactly the same as before. It is true, for some more practical things there have been changes, but I'm still the same. Success came at a time when everyone's life has changed dramatically, I can't see my friends but that's what we're experiencing, not my success.

L'O: The second season of Bridgerton will focus on Anthony, the character you play. In the first chapter of this saga, we saw how much your character had to sacrifice because of his fears ...

JB: It will be a second season with lots of surprises for all the main characters. I have a soft spot for Anthony, not just because he's the character I play. I think he has a complicated and troubled history. I can't wait to show everyone what will happen to him and to accompany him on his path to happiness. Mamma Bridgerton (Ruth Gemmell) is amazing and you will see her support Anthony exactly like she did with Daphne and then next season she will do the same with ... I can't say, that would be a crazy spoiler.

L'O: How does it feel to know that you're in a saga that will, in all likelihood, last eight seasons?

JB: I'm going to get older as the younger Bridgerton brothers grow up and become adults, it's going to be weird. But being in such a production is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

L'O: And how exactly do you feel after the success of this project?

JB: It seems to me to be in a hurricane, but still and in the center. I see everything turning and I wonder what's happening, but at the same time, I'm in the tranquility of my home. Hearing my friends reassures me and brings me back down to earth.

L'O: Despite your 900,000 followers, you're not the social networking type?

JB: I enjoy Instagram and I love photography a lot, but I'm also a reserved type. Social media allows you to communicate with a lot of people, which you wouldn't normally do, that sense of connection is exciting. I like knowing that I have the opportunity to see what is happening but also to be able to step back and stay at the right distance from it.

L'O: You are very reserved, yet you decided to come out early in your career?

JB: Actually, I've always thought only about being myself. There were no strategies. The truth is that as an actor I approach a project with a different approach every time. I have always trusted the directors I have worked with, and therefore I found myself playing many different roles that I have always believed in. Thanks to Netflix, Bridgerton arrives in countries where homosexuality is still illegal, and perhaps knowing that you have an openly gay actor in the cast who plays a role like Anthony's can make a difference.

L'O: Have you ever regretted this choice?

JB: There are times when it's more difficult, but I've never regretted it. I believe that gays must somehow always adapt, learn to dodge certain obstacles. We grew up in an age where we had to learn to be creative to survive. Being openly gay in the theater is completely different from being gay in the cinema or television environment. If you work hard, there are entry points and no matter what you like, it only matters if you're good.

L'O: After being in various cinema productions, theater productions, musicals, and TV series, what was the turning point of your career?

JB: I think a really big thing for me was the 2013 National Theater live [production of] Othello. Being there, in that theater, I felt totally overwhelmed. I had six auditions, and I really cared about it because playing Cassio was a privilege. It was the end of December when they told me I got the part, and I remember it was the best way to celebrate Christmas.

L'O: What kind of friend are you?

JB: I like watching what my friends are doing, enjoying good times with them, and being there in difficult ones, that's empathy. The past year has brought us much closer, at least I think so. We are all tested by what is happening to us and knowing that we have the support of loved ones is essential. I have many acting friends with whom I talk regularly and above all from whom I ask for feedback when my work comes out and vice versa. When their time comes I almost feel it more, I get very excited.

L'O: Were there times when you thought about giving up your acting career?

JB: Sure, I've thought that many times. But then, as in any job, you have to be able to work on your weaknesses and, in my case, to be able to play roles that may not be made for you and to be able to accept that those you think are perfect for your strings are not assigned to you. At one point I thought, If this audition goes badly I will try to go to work in a circus. I am still surprised and I will never cease to amaze myself at what is happening to me.

L'O: When you collected the Laurence Olivier Award in 2019 for your performance in the musical Company, you spoke of love. What is love for you today?

JB: I think it's when everything suddenly aligns and you feel on the right side, when everything finally feels right.

L'O: Are you in love?

JB: Now, I feel full of love and I wonder if I've always felt this way. I come from a nice large family. I believe that life gives you many surprises and that love comes in different forms. But in the end, the secret is really to learn to love each other and then make room for what comes and love it to the fullest.

L'O: You definitely love music. What do you like?

JB: Drake, and today I discovered Sonia, a Croatian singer. I get lost in Spotify's suggestions and make wonderful discoveries. Do you know what a singer I love is? Tove Lo. I listened to her throughout the first lockdown.

L'O: And if you had to choose a song that is your song, what would it be?

JB: "Graceland" by Paul Simon.

L'O: What are you good at?

JB: I'm sure I'm a good listener. I like to pay attention to whoever is talking to me. But I would like to learn to say no more often.

L'O: The thing you miss the most about pre-pandemic life?

JB: Dinners, parties with friends, and the theater. When we went to the theater we took it for granted, thinking about it now it was so nice to be able to enjoy three hours out of this world.

Source