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foryouthegays · 4 years

Text

It ends today. [Dream SMP] summary (not liveblog because im tired, but i’ll try to include more good lines and moments)

word count: 3,638

ill be writing the timestamps without : things because im lazy, theyll all have 5 numbers, so the timestamp at an hour, 12 minutes, and 4 seconds would be 11204. you’ll figure it out.

total death count by techno or his dogs: 25. doesn’t count fall damage deaths or wither deaths

(04045 Quackity) (04055 Ponk) (04115 Tubbo) (04225 Ponk) (04315 Tubbo) (04320 Quackity) (04500 Ponk) (04535 Ponk) (05929 Tubbo) (05150 Tommy) (05245 Tubbo) (05340 Tubbo) (05450 Tommy) (05450 Tubbo) (05830 Tubbo) (05845 Quackity) (05950 Tommy) (05950 Tubbo) (10045 Callahan) (10140 Tubbo) (10140 Quackity) (10145 Ponk) (10450 Jack Manifold) (11025 Jack Manifold) (11945 Tubbo)

sellout pog: 001925, 11710, 14235, 21115

good laugh times: 04511 05055 05315

good quotes: (004240 NO ONE KILLS ANIMALS LIKE SAPNAP!!!) (05335 LOOK AT YOUR COUNTRY FALL, TUBBO!) (10000 IT WOULDN’T BE A FINAL BOSS IF I DIDN’T HAVE STAGES!) (11150 WOOOO THE MONOTONY OF LIFE POGGG) (12115 the real government is the friends we made along the way) (13035 sapnap strikes me as the guy to kill Santa Claus)

do do dooo/ other stims: 00736, 01150 bruuuhhh, 002420, 15203

other:

(sap and techs “convo” at 05530 is fuckin hilarious i highly rec watchin it) (05950 TECHNOPLANEEE)

summary:

He starts the stream in his base with Philza. They talk about viewer counts and their plan for the day, while making gear, potions, and other materials. Techno makes fireworks, and shows his statistics in the server, which are as follows:

Animals bred - 1,494

Armor pieces cleaned - 0

Banners cleaned - 0

Barrels opened - 107

Bells rung - 9,500

Cake slices eaten - 6

Cauldrons filled - 0

Chests opened - 13,963

Damage absorbed - 83.70

Damaged blocked by shield - 83.50

Damage dealt - 163799.30

Damage dealt (absorbed) - 113.90

Damage dealt (resisted) - 0

Damage resisted - 118.90

Damage taken - 10198.80

Dispensers searched - 13

Distance climbed - 10.51 km

Dsitance crouched - 8.01 km

Distance fallen - 94.48 km

Distance flown - 808.59

Distance sprinted - 300.17 km

[mobs]

Bat - killed 2

Blaze - killed 693

Cave spider - killed 64,513

Chicken - killed 2

Cod - killed 4

Cow - killed 369

Creeper - killed 1,213

Donkey - killed 2

Drowned - killed 54

Elder guardian - killed 1

Enderman - killed 161

Endermite - killed 4

Evoker - killed 2

Ghast - killed 102

Guardian - killed 6

Hoglin - killed 13

Horse - killed 150

Magma cube - killed 542

Pig - killed 2

Piglin - killed 96

Pillager - killed 127

Pufferfish - killed 1

Ravager - killed 3

Salmon - killed 7

Silverfish - killed 3

Skeleton - killed 312

Slime - killed 40

Spider - killed 234

Squid - killed 16

Vex - killed 6

Villager - killed 6

Vindicator - killed 17

Wandering Trader - killed 2

Witch - killed 7

Wither Skeleton - killed 2,615

Wolf - killed 1

Zombie - killed 927, was killed 1 time

Zombie Villager - killed 12

Zombified piglin - killed 189

He talks about how the 2,615 Wither skeletons killed feels low, but does the math and thinks it’s fine. He moves on, and continues brewing Invis potions. He makes black and red fireworks for several minutes.

00845 Dream scares Phil by logging in right behind Techno, and they join a voice channel together. Dream gives Techno several stacks of TNT, and Dream finally tells Techno his ‘special plan.’

Dream says that they have to go early, and destroy it 30 minutes early. Dream tells them of a spy, and how L’Manburg is going to show up exactly at 3:00, instead of getting there early.

Techno asks Dream what he needs from him, and Dream essentially says that Phil shouldn’t listen to the conversation, and tries to make Techno leave Phils call. Techno declines, and they continue their conversation in the house.

01100 Dream explains that he can’t set up redstone, because it’s too easy to destroy, and that he’s going to have to set up the machines while the battle is happening. He tells Techno to stall the battle for twenty minutes, and Techno argues, saying that the risk is too one-sided for him and that it would be too easy for Dream to betray him by not setting up the machines.

Techno agrees after Dream brings up the dog army and the withers, and Techno says that he was only complaining to see how unreasonable Dream actually was.

Techno asks Phil for more potions, including speed, strength, and regeneration, and he keeps talking about the Turtle Master potions, and quickly runs to the Vault to get the skulls.

Dream mentions Ender Pearls, and Techno agrees that they would be useful. On the way to trade with Orphan, Techno goes down to Tommy’s former room, calls it the Traitor Pit, and breaks the prime log. He starts to leave, but changes his mind, and blows up the Traitor Pit.

He leaves the past behind him, and goes back up to trade with Orphan. He gets more pearls, and then continues brewing potions. Phil gives Techno his trident again, and wonders aloud if he should bring Phil.

On one hand, Phil only has one life, but Phil also has a grudge against L’Manburg, and Phil insists he come along.

Techno gives Phil the only remaining Totem of Undying, and several Wither skulls. Techno tells Phil to not be in the main battle at first, and to hide, be careful, and to only spawn Withers when Techno sends the signal, shooting the fireworks into the sky.

They go over their inventories and Ender chests, Techno gets more weakness arrows, and Dream and Techno use the sellout bell one last time.

While outside, Techno mentions that Phil tore down Tommy’s cobblestone tower, and Dream almost blows up Tommys’ former house, but Techno stops him, saying that it might be Ghostburs.

Dream also gives Techno and Phil obsidian for building, and Techno gives Dream his TNT back, saying it wouldn’t be useful. He also gives Phil a God Apple, and tells him to (02245) not risk his life for him. Dream counters that, mentioning that Phil could risk his life for him, and Techno refuses to let Dream continue.

Techno also brews a Slow Falling potion, one of the rarest potions on the server. Dream talks about his status as a homeless person, and Dream does not accept it, and tells Techno that his main goal is to make everyone homeless, because blowing up L’Manburg would make everyone there live without a house. Techno calls himself ‘Anti-House.’

After crafting an unenchanted Netherite axe, they leave. Dream follows him to the Dog Sanctuary.

02939, right before leaving the Nether, Techno chants: 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate?? Not the government! GOO!!!! And splashes Invis potions on himself, Dream, and Phil.

They enter the Overworld to find Sapnap close to the portal. Techno tells him that He’s actually TommyInnit, and runs to the portal before Sapnap can process that. Dream and Phil follow, and they make it to the Dog Sanctuary.

03200 Dream is surprised at the amount of dogs in the cave, and Techno starts talking about the plan. He says that because L’Manburg has a law against killing pets, they won’t be able to do anything to stop the army from killing them. Dream calls him evil after he reveals that he’s going to splash the dogs with both strength and invis, and they move out with a pack of dogs following.

Dream shows them an obsidian network above L’Manburg, and says that he’s going to make TNT Dispensers on it. Dream leaves, and they get into position.

03700. Techno joins the L’Manburg VC, and starts yelling at them, calling them idiots and asking where they are. They tell him that theres still 24 minutes until the war starts, and Techno starts encouraging them to come back, but then remembers that he’d have to hold them off while Dream sets up, so he tells them to take their time and wait until the scheduled time.

Tommy sees the obsidian network, and shoots Phil. Techno and Tommy start arguing. Techno calls himself a liar, but justifies it by mentioning the 1v30 he’d have to do.

Tommy takes his first death, falling from a pillar trying to reach Dream.

Tubbo shoots Techno, and the dogs start chasing him. Techno splashes the potions on them, and watches as the war starts. He calls the wolves ‘The Dogs of War,’ and quickly kills both Quackity, Ponk, and Tubbo.

Tubbo drops a Trident, and Techno wonders if it’s his. He keeps fighting, and quickly remembers that Sapnap is known for his animal killing.

He continues killing, but decides on a compromise. If they back off, he won’t kill them as he blows up the country. They disagree, and Techno eats a God apple before shooting the fireworks into the sky.

04430 Philza deploys the Withers. The Citizens yell about the Bees, and Techno continues his destruction. He stores the new trident in his Ender Chest and organizes his inventory, adding some Wither skulls and soulsand for later.

Five Withers storm L’Manburg as the country fights back, and Techno tries to find Invis potions. He raids houses and makes more Withers, and L’Manburg is left to fight nine Withers as Techno restarts his Laptop.

Running back into the action, Techno realizes he’s been using normal arrows this entire time, and puts the fireworks in his offhand. He meets Phil in his house, and Phil gives Techno another Invis pot. He finds a book, called ‘Do Not Read,’ in his Inventory, and Ranboo asks for it back. Techno gives the book to Ranboo, and tells him to flee, that he doesn’t have anything against him, and to survive the war in safety. Ranboo runs.

Sapnap yells that another Wither is down, and Techno jumps back into battle. He kills Tubbo again, and Dream messages ‘destroy l’mantree’ to him. Techno asks which tree that is, and starts moving to where he thinks it is.

In the background, Tommy starts to plan. He says that, (05040) ‘we’ve got to kill the Withers first, and then we can fight The Blade.’

Phil scoffs at that, and Techno keeps going. He finds an ender chest and repairs his armor with XP bottles.

Techno continues killing, and Dream finally tells him where the tree is. Before he can make it there, Dream sets off the TNT canons, and destruction rains from the sky as L’Manburg cries out in confusion.

05335 He finds Tubbo in the middle of the country, and yells, “LOOK AT YOUR COUNTRY FALL, TUBBO!” Tubbo falls along with it, and doesn’t respond as Techno shoots him, once again, with a firework rocket.

05355 Tommy climbs onto a bridge and begs Techno to not shoot.

“You didn’t have to do this! The thing about the discs, Technoblade, is that they were for me! We could’ve had a government, and- ”

“I don’t care about the discs, Tommy! I was upfront with you from the start, the government has to go!”

“Technoblade, you are selfish!”

“Selfish?! You’ve used me from the start, Tommy! You’re wearing my helmet as we speak!”

“Technoblade, you said we betrayed you! You said we were the ones that betrayed you!”

“You betrayed me like, twelve times!”

“Technoblade, look at me. Look at me, right now. You said you hated governments, you said we were the ones that betrayed you. You were the one who killed Tubbo when JSchlatt told you to! You were the one who betrayed us, out of all-”

“I was peer pressur- You betrayed me, like, yesterday! You used me as a weapon! You’ve never thought of me as a friend, Tommy, you’ve just used me from the start. You saw me just as The Blade, that’s all I was to you, The Blade, a weapon, well guess what?” Techno pauses, and his voice is tense as he continues. “I’m choosing what I fight for now, and I’m going to destroy the government, Tommy! You all die!”

He fires the fireworks towards Tommy, killing him and Tubbo with the same shot.

He watches as the TNT falls from the sky, and finally, Tommy asks to speak once more.

“You were our friend, and you know what?-”

“Tommy, you never thought of me as a friend, Tommy,”

“Listen to me!”

“I listened to you for weeks, what did you do? You went back to Tubbo, the guy that exiled you, that chose his country over you,”

“People are above the government!”

“I’M A PERSON!”

“You ARE, Techno, and so are we! The reason the discs- they were stolen from me! Nothing-”

“Discs aren’t people!”

“Nothing was taken from you! You’re selfish! You destroyed the people for your own self gain! You’re selfish!”

“All of these problems are because of your government,” Techno starts, “Your government has caused all these issues. I believe in freedom, Tommy!”

“You- You don’t believe in freedom! When you were peer pressured, that wasn’t freedom, that’s you following what the government told you!”

“Bro, Tommy, that was like four months ago, ok?”

“IT WAS! LET’S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE PAST RIGHT NOW- Tubbo! Tubbo he killed you!”

“He’s the president, get him OUT of here!” Techno shoots at Tubbo, who hides behind some stone, “He’s wearing YOUR helmet!”

“And you killed him!”

“Yeah, because he’s the president!

“But even when he wasn’t the president, you killed him as well.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“You’re as bad as the government, Technoblade.”

“Hey, remember when I was sitting there, alone, against the whole government, and you and Wilbur just sat there on the sidelines, and watched? Did you step in? Did you step in? Were you guys the ones who stepped in and said, don’t worry, Technoblade, we know you’re in a high pressure situation, but we’ll fight the world for you, Technoblade? NO! You guys watched- You know what I did, yesterday? When you were surrounded by thirty people, the whole world was against you? I walked in. I was willing to fight all of them for you, Tommy. I would’ve been there.

That is the difference between us.”

“We spent HOURS together-”

“DON’T speak to me of loyalty!”

“You were my friend, and you betrayed us!”

“You never thought of me as a friend!”

“The- The thing about this government, is that it didn’t interfere with you!”

“It did!”

“No, it didn’t! The discs were stolen by Dream-”

“I don’t care about discs! I care about freedom! The government! We can’t have freedom with the government!”

“You have your own freedom, just let people love what they love, man!” (lmao homophobic techno confirmed? /J :LKJFDSLKFJ)

“Tommy...I used to think like that, Tommy. You know what they did to me? They hunted me down! The whole Butcher Army, and they executed me! I tried being peaceful, Tommy, but the government made it clear that we could not coexist.”

“And so you spawn Withers??? All you do is repeat history, but worse.”

“YOU GUYS brought this upon YOURSELVES, I was willing to live in my cottage and be chill, and just farm turtles, but you guys made it clear-”

“Technoblade, you can’t just go back to your cottage after you blow up the government! That’s not how this works, actions have consequences!”

Techno shoots at Tommy and Tubbo, killing Tubbo. “Actions do have consequences, Tommy, and THESE are the consequences!” He splashes potions at his feet, and chases after Quackity. He kills him quickly, and Quackity yells about how he has to face the consequence of his former actions. Techno told him that he had changed, and the Butcher Army refused to let him live his life, but Quackity says that he had to face his punishment.

Tommy calls Techno a tyrant, and is almost immediately killed as Techno launches himself into the air and uses the slowfalling potions to aim, and fire.

10130 Someone (I can’t tell who, help) asks why Phil is there, and why he hates the government, and he responds, “Since I was forced to kill my own son, you idiot!”

Tommy asks Techno where the L’mantree is, and Techno reveals that he doesn’t actually know what that is, but that Dream wanted to blow it up earlier. Several people start screaming, mourning the loss of their tree, as Techno celebrates.

Techno runs out of fireworks, and decides that their destruction is over. He notices that no one is fighting back, and asks if everyones just given up.

“What is there left to protect?”

Techno laughs, and Niki speaks for the first time. “I burnt the tree.”

Techno compliments her, and looks over the destruction.

10350 “WELCOME,” he says, “TO THE YOUNGEST ANARCHY SERVER IN MINECRAFT!”

Jack Manifold challenges him, and they fight. Techno runs out of potions, but still manages to win. Manifold takes too long to pick up his items, so Techno spawns another Wither. At this point, there’s four Withers roaming the former country.

Techno decides to kill the Withers to get Nether Stars, and while looking for a place to shoot, he finds Eret watching the chaos. He asks if he supports government, but answers the question for them. “There’s no need to risk your neck for a country you’re not even a part of.”

Eret then says that they’re just there for the Nether Stars, and Techno laughs. Techno kills a Wither, and Phil takes the star.

Techno starts talking about how he wanted L’Manburg to be a chunk error, and decides to get rid of the water so the TNT can work. He mentions that he has the Trident back, and that he’s probably not going to ever get the Axe of Peace from Tommy.

Dream continues blowing the country up, and Techno gives Phil his trident back. Techno tells Dream to nuke the entire area, but finds out that Ghostbur is close, and frantically makes him stop. He then remembers that Ghostbur is a literal ghost and can not die.

Hbomb tries to tell Techno to blow up Manifold Land, but Techno refuses, saying that it isn’t really a country, and is instead just one person.

Ghostbur arrives, and starts looking around the crater. Techno leaves to find a bell to be a sellout. He tells us that if he gets 5 million subscribers today, he’ll set up the second monitor.

They talk about timezones and relax after the chaos. Techno attempts a triple kill but fails, and Manifold declares war on him. Techno threatens his house, so Manifold decides to not do that.

Sapnap punches him, and Techno starts to spawn a Wither, but Sapnaps’ efficiency V Netherite shovel is enough to make Techno run in fear.

12320 Tommy gets struck by lightning. SO LONG, THESEUS! EVEN GOD HATES HIM! -techno

Sap tries to kill Techno with a Channeling trident, but Techno takes no damage and almost spawns another Wither, but decides to fly away instead. Sapnap goes mad with power, and tries to kill Ponk with tridents and wither roses. Techno sings the Manhunt music as Ponk runs from Sapnap and BadBoyHalo.

After exploring the wreckage and joking with the survivors, Phil and Techno go to their own VC and go back home. Philza is jumped by a baby zombie, but Techno manages to kill it and save him.

13515He ties the stream together by chanting ‘2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? Philza minecraft!! yeah!!!!’

They go inside to reorganize their chests, and Techno realizes that he still has two stacks of Wither skulls. Techno and Phil agree that the Withers they used were enough, and they talk about how the battle went.

Phil gives Techno the Totem and the God Apple back.

Techno also implies that if Phil dies, the destruction would be far, far worse, and his life is worth more than anything that had happened beforehand. They are best friends ur honor.

While ranting about the government, Technoblade reveals that he still has the anvil used to execute him in his ender chest. Techno covers Tommys old home, and tears down the signs they used as a checklist.

Looking at Em, Techno remembers the dogs he didn’t use to fight, and Phil brings up a Stasis Pearl Chamber as a way to teleport all the dogs back at the same time. They quickly build it, and Techno starts running to the remains of L’Manburg.

He makes it to the dog cave without any trouble, and makes all the dogs stand. Philza teleports him back, and the dogs take some fall damage as they land with him. He puts the dogs into the house next to his, and Phil says that he’s going to build a kennel later.

Phil reveals that Ghostbur was not happy with the whole ‘blowing up L’Manburg’ thing, and that Friend had died, and now, Ghostbur wants to be brought back to life. Phil is hesitant, and he doesn’t know if his memories will stay, if he could handle it, and other variables.

20320 Techno finally shows Carl again, but doesn’t show where he’s hidden. He uses the intermission screen to hide his location from even the viewers, but Carl is fine. He puts him back in the display stable, but then moves him back, fearing his life.

20630, Techno jokes about the Turtle Shell Helmets and it’s adorable. please go watch it. he then talks about the Sad-Ist animation for a few seconds, and talks about the fanartists in the community. He mentions making a playlist of animations and animatics, which would be really cool.

He ends the stream ringing the sellout bell.

#technoblade #this took over four hours i swear if yall dont fuckin reblog it im gonna scream

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fi-chanwrites · 4 years

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:o omg could i get some hcs of todoroki and kaminari and maybe aizawa with a s/o who's sleep schedule's gone all kinds of weird bc of quarantine? thank u!

AHHHH MY FIRST BNHA IM EXCITED.

Quarantine = No Sleep

Todoroki Shoto

Lets be real, this boy would keep the most regular sleep schedule

he is in bed for 11pm every night and awake for 6 am every morning

he would wake up and text you every morning to check if you were asleep. You never are.

You phone him as soon as he’s awake so you can talk to him before you sleep the day.

always fall asleep on the phone and h/e finds it absolutely adorable.

“are you not getting enough (y/n)-chan? That’s bad for you, you need to get regular sleep to function properly.”

“But shooooo, I don’t need to function properly... its quarantine”

“(y/n) it is 6 in the morning, please get some sleep darling”

“WE WILL NEVER SLEEP, COS SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK” Todoroki sighed down the phone, making you let out a giggle before yawning,

“plus I wanna talk to you more Sho, I’ve missed you” the little pout that adorned your lips made Todoroki weak, he couldn’t help but smile at you.

He saw your eyelids starting to close and heard your breathing even out, you were finally going to sleep. The cycle continued for days, you would call him when he first woke up and he had to convince you to sleep but it would be a bold faced lie if he said he didn’t love seeing your sleepy face every morning.

Kaminari Denki

We all know this boy is in the exact same boat as you.

Like he’s the one who’s been keeping you up til like 2 am on video calls

“don’t go to bed yet, I’ll miss you” complete with a pouty face and everything, like who can say no to that.

If you’re not talking on the phone then you’re texting eachother, texting “Good morning” even if its 5pm for you...

Both of you are vibing with bags under your eyes, living your best/worst lives

“are you falling asleep? its only 5am, thats weak”

“shut up Denki I’m tired lemme sleep for once”

You two would fall asleep on ft almost every night, like you’ll fall asleep and he just won’t hang up. He finds your breathing calming and it lulls him to sleep himself

“How long have we been on call now baby?” you asked him, yawning which just drove your point forward.

“ummm it says eight hours bumble bee” he smirked, already knowing that you were about to fall asleep again.

About five minutes later you were out like a light, Denki laid the phone near his pillow on his bed. All he could hear were the soft rises and falls of your chest as you breathed heavily. It was five in the morning on a Monday, normally the twoof you would have to be up in only an hour but of course quarantine ruined that.

He missed seeing you in person everyday, being able to hold you close and kiss you, but he would have to deal with seeing you through a screen for a little while longer.

He fell asleep, content with the idea that he would be able to speak to you again tomorrow, listening to your calm breath as his lullaby

Aizawa Shouta

Living with this man, he is so done with your shit, like he can hear you crying over anime at 3am and he’s just like “wtf am I dating?”

Will stay up with over weekends when he has marking to do.

Honestly relies on your ditzy, sleep deprived state to keep him entertained while he’s working.

You’re legit sleeping the day away while he’s busy working because you’ve been let off work completely for the time being.

He’d just be spooning with you, unable to sleep because you’re still on fuckin tiktok

man is ready to throw your phone across the room, he just wants to cuddle his girlfriend dammit

Aizawa turned over to cuddle into your back only to be greeted by the glow of your phone screen, and your shoulders shaking from your silent giggles.

“You should be asleep by now kitten” he mumbled into your shoulder, kissing the exposed skin slightly, his lips tickling you with each movement.

“Just one more... I promise”

“(y/n) you said that an hour ago too, and you will continue saying it until its morning, then you’ll just sleep all day and I won’t have anyone to keep me company”

You sighed rolling over to face him, burying your head into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Fine I’ll go to sleep... I love you”

“ I love you too idiot”

Tagging: @gulfwanq @happynoodle

#aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa shouta x reader #kaminari denki x reader #denki x reader #kaminari denki #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto #bnha headcanons #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction

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thespianbooks · 4 years

Text

A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 5//

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10)

(Tags: @thron3ofbooks @df3ndyr @courtofjurdan @art-e-mis @herondamnn @the-third-me @im-still-trying-here @emikadreams @paytin77)

It was all I could do to keep from bursting into joyous tears as Madja announced that I was ten weeks along in my pregnancy. Upon revealing that my suspicions were true, she completed a thorough examination. She determined that since I was in the early stages, that was the cause of lingering sickness and fatigue. Unfortunately, those symptoms would continue until I was about halfway along; where most females felt the best and most of the unlikeable symptoms eased a bit. I was also surprised to learn that a fae pregnancy lasts five weeks longer than a human’s, but it made sense on a larger scale. As powerful immortal beings, we needed more time in the womb to develop.

After her examination, she prescribed a few prenatal herbal teas that I would need to drink in order to aid in the baby’s growth. I smiled at the word, brushing my fingertips along my abdomen again—knowing this would become a new habit for me, and for Rhys. A baby, our baby, growing strong inside of me as Madja promised. He would be as strong as his father, the most powerful High Lord in Prythian, and with my powers combined…

My smile faltered as I realized what this meant.

Years ago, Rhys confided in me about his concern over any potential offspring he might have, afraid they would be hunted and sought after by his enemies. If his children inherited his abilities alone, they would be just as powerful. What did that threat mean now with my blood mixed in?

Cursebreaker. Cauldron-blessed. The first ever High Lady in Prythian, who inherited a drop of power from all seven of the High Lords after being resurrected.

What powers would my child inherit from me? Combined with Rhys’s, our child’s strength would surpass both of ours alone; which meant the same for all the other High Lords of Prythian. We had alliances now, but how many of those would change after they learned about my son? After they saw a fraction of their power in him, in combination with Rhysand’s? My mind began to race and breathing became difficult as I looked down at my stomach, my fingers gripping my tunic in panic. Would he be in danger? Who were we close enough with to know that they would never consider such a thing? What if they came after him before he was born? Would they target me? I had to do something, but what if there was nothing I could do?

I had to protect him—my baby.

Protect, protect, protect.

“My lady,” a gentle voice interrupted the rising chaos in my mind, even gentler hands gripping my shoulders and I saw the healer’s dark eyes meet mine as she leveled a look at me.

I became aware of my ragged breathing, hunched back and tense shoulders, trembling. Her delicate, wrinkled hands moved from my shoulders to either side of my face. A blue aura illuminated those hands as they touched my face, and slowly I calmed. Slowly, my shoulders relaxed and I slid my eyes closed as my breaths evened out, a few tears escaping past my lids.

After a few seconds of that peace, Madja slowly let go of my face and straightened, “You mustn’t be afraid, my lady. Your child will be a very powerful high fae, but you are surrounded by friends—family. The uncertainty the future brings may be frightening, but there is also joy in it,” she said gently as she handed me a handkerchief. “That is what you must focus on right now. The joy in a healthy and developing baby.”

I sniffed as I dabbed at my eyes, nodding in agreement “Thank you Madja. I just felt so overwhelmed for a minute,” I lamented.

“Oh, I see this reaction more often than you would believe. First time mothers have many fears, and you will be no different. Just remember the joy in it,” she reassured.

She was right, I couldn’t allow the fear to consume me. I wouldn’t let it control me or take away from this moment of happiness. This baby, our son, was a miracle. Fae children were difficult to conceive, but Rhys and I had done it. We were going to have a baby; over half a millennia later one would be born into the Night Court’s ruling family—my family. He would be cherished by our Inner Circle, and loved by the people of Velaris; just as they loved Rhys. My heart swelled as I pictured what the moment of joy would look like on his face when I told him; how those violet eyes would brighten and sparkle like the stars and how he would grin. I wanted to paint that moment more than anything, and now after a decade of waiting, I finally would.

“Shall I call the High Lord in for the good news?” she asked as she began packing up her bag of supplies.

“Oh no, please don’t tell him yet,” I urged and she raised an amused brow at me as I flushed, “I want to surprise him...tomorrow at Starfall.”

She nodded her understanding, “I see,” she said as she finished packing and grabbed my hands, squeezing them lightly. “The High Lord will be thrilled, my lady,” she said, and the genuine delight in her voice caused my eyes to burn.

She laughed heartily at the silver lining my eyes, “Expect more of that. Your hormones will cause plenty of surges in your emotions,” she explained empathetically.

I grimaced, “In other words, I’ll be an emotional mess.”

She laughed again and patted my hands, “All completely normal. For now, drink that brew of herbs I gave you three times a day, get plenty of rest, and I will be back next week to check your progress.”

I nodded and walked her to the door of my bedroom, “Thank you Madja,” I said.

“You’re welcome my lady,” she said sweetly before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I touched my stomach tentatively, knowing underneath layers of skin and muscle my child was growing—safely. He was finally real; a manifestation of the love Rhys and I had for each other. So far, only the healer and I knew of his existence, and soon Rhysand would know as well. For the moment, I caressed my still flat stomach and cherished this little time we had alone.

XXX

The hours leading up to our Starfall celebration would be torturous.

Once I emerged from my room and the healer left, everyone was eager to hear her diagnosis of my condition. I did my best to reassure them all that I was perfectly fine, and simply needed more time to recover from my previous illness. Not a complete lie, but I knew they were all unconvinced—especially my mate. I immediately knew that keeping up a façade would be difficult, but luckily, I had plenty of experience with masks of deception. Years in the Night Court with occasional appearances in the Court of Nightmares, and serving as High Lady would certainly assist me in hiding my pregnancy for at least the next twenty-four hours or so.

Later, after we turned in for the night, Rhys begged for a detailed account of Madja’s official diagnosis. I again had to convince him that I was all right, which was technically true. I was pregnant, not sick; so aside from my body working hard to grow a high fae baby, I was fine. An hour into him trying to pry me for more information, I finally managed to silence him by pushing him onto the bed and straddling his hips. This morning however, was more of a struggle. Madja warned me that the fatigue would linger throughout the next several months of my pregnancy, but I soon realized it was going to be an uphill battle to force myself from bed, let alone try and convince my mate that I was still on the road to recovery.

Thankfully, Starfall was finally here; one of our rare days off, and I could use it to my advantage. It had been a while since we spent a day alone together; in the weeks that followed since his return from the Illyrian mountains, we fell back into our regular routine with our schedules as High Lord and Lady. Despite our initial reunion and the brief mating frenzy renewed, which caused us to sneak away from time to time throughout the day, we still attended to our responsibilities. But today was our holiday, and a year from now our child would be here to celebrate his first Starfall. Soon it would no longer be just the two of us, my sisters and our Inner Circle; soon there would be an infant for us to raise and love, so I wanted to continue to take advantage of our time alone while we still had it.

I convinced Rhys to let us spend the morning in bed together, where we took our time worshipping each other's bodies, ate a hearty breakfast and lounged together well into the afternoon. By lunchtime, I felt my energy renew and we enjoyed our lunch in the gardens before we parted to finalize last minute details for the party. Traditionally, that meant Mor and I attended to any directions Elain might have for us and the Illyrians did...well whatever they liked to do before a party.

“They’re probably at Rita’s right now having drinks,” Mor wondered aloud as she and I rearranged the refreshments table in the grand hall.

I stepped back to review my work, and shrugged, “Maybe, but there’s plenty of drinks here, so that doesn’t make much sense,” I reasoned.

“Neither does ‘I’m getting over a cold, I promise,’” she mocked.

I glared at her, but she threw her head back with a laugh, “Don’t look so serious Feyre, whatever secret you have is safe with me.”

I bristled, moving to fuss with a flower arrangement by the table, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as casually as I could.

“I’ve been keeping a secret for most of my existence, Feyre, I think that makes me an expert,” she said.

I paused and looked her way, “Mor-” I began but she held a hand up to stop me.

“Like I said, it's safe with me,” she said and a look of understanding silently passed between us before she turned to the next task Elain set out for her.

Maybe she did already know, and maybe she didn’t. Either way, I believed that she wouldn’t reveal it to Rhys or anyone else for that matter. I took a step back again to examine the room, happy with the decorations Elain meticulously had installed every year. Sparkling bowls of fae lights lit the room in a warm glow, allowing the white marble floors and moonstone columns to illuminate naturally. The delicate chiffon curtains adorning the windowless arched walls were decorated with tiny sparkles of fae light, a design Elain created herself, and accentuated the varying shades of cream, ivory and silver flower arrangements spread out throughout the room. They framed the horizon perfectly and opened up to the expansive veranda that led right into the gardens, allowing guests to move in and out of the estate easily and a perfect view of the spirits' journey across the night sky as we all danced. It was initially my idea to host the people of Velaris in the grand hall, remembering that these were the kind of memories I wanted to make in our new home.

I touched my stomach briefly when Mor wasn’t looking. What would he look like in a year? He would be too small to run around and try to disturb any decorations, so perhaps I would walk him around the estate and show off all the adornments before Rhys and I would put him to bed. We’d no doubt be exhausted, but happy. Maybe we’d celebrate Starfall privately in our suite, just the three of us. I felt that glimmer in the pit of my stomach and I smiled. Would you like that, little one? I thought to myself, wondering if he could hear me.

“It’s perfect!” Elain cheered as she and Nesta walked into the room.

I quickly moved my hand from my stomach as I turned to face them, but not fast enough for Nesta not to take notice. Thankfully, she only raised a perfectly arched brow at me, “Shouldn’t you be getting ready? Your guests will be arriving shortly,” she reminded me.

I nodded, “I was just about to leave,” I said as I looked over their attire.

Elain wore a delicate soft pink strapless A-line gown with a glitter ombre falling from her bust line down to the floor; a braid crowning the top of her head with the rest of her hair flowing just past her shoulders. Nesta, as conservative as ever, wore a long-sleeved gown in a similar fashion, only in a deep violet with a more subtle glittering effect. Her hair was pulled back in a loosely braided bun, a few loose strands of curls framing her face. Despite her controlled face and aloof attitude, I was glad Nesta still joined us after Cassian all but dragged her here for our first celebration in the estate years ago.

“Nuala and Cerridwen are waiting for you in your suite, Feyre. You go get dressed, and I’ll greet everyone, don’t worry,” Elain said sweetly, brushing her hands over her gown when she realized I was looking, silently asking for my approval.

“Just as she does every year,” Nesta interjected as I offered Elain a nod of assent.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and began walking out, “I’ll be back with Rhys before it starts,” I said and made my way back up to my suite.

As Nuala and Cerridwen began my dressing routine, I began to play different scenarios of the speech I would give Rhys when I announced my pregnancy. Only to realize I didn’t really have a speech at all, and began scrambling for one. As memorable as I wanted this moment to be, I was sincerely lacking in creativity and eloquence. I sighed in defeat as I stood before the mirror, checking over my appearance—the same blue-white liquid starlight gown I adorned every year, and my hair swept away from my face with the same diamond studded combs I wore on my first Starfall. In an attempt to make tonight more memorable for Rhys, I wanted to recreate our first celebration together; I asked the shadowed-twins to style me the same way they had that night.

After dismissing themselves, I ran tentative fingers along my abdomen again before inhaling a deep and anxious breath. “Let’s go tell your father,” I said quietly, resigned with the fact that I would just have to wing whatever speech I would give Rhys for the news.

XXX

An hour into the party, after mingling with our friends and guests, the estate’s lights dimmed naturally and everyone began pooling out into the veranda as the star-spirits began their glittering descent. The sky was soon decorated with the spirits twirling and sparkling forms as the guests cheered with raised champagne glasses.

“Raise a glass, my love,” Rhys purred in my ear as he stepped up behind me, his chest brushing against my back as he offered the glass before me.

I hesitated, knowing it probably wasn’t wise to drink now that I knew I was expecting, but took the glass anyway before turning to face him, “Let’s go to our balcony,” I said as I straightened the collar of his traditional black jacket, tracing over the silver-lined pattern on his lapels lightly.

“Now?” He asked with his smug feline grin, “Usually we stay at least an hour after the dancing’s begun.”

“I know, but,” I paused, chewing over what to say next, “I wanted to ask you something.”

Something you can’t ask me around our guests? He asked through the bond, his feline grin turning into a teasing one

I rolled my eyes before brushing past him and striding down the hall, not bothering to look back to make sure he was coming. Well?

“Oh, I’m right behind you Feyre darling,” he purred in my ear again as his hand brushed over the small of my back, walking in step with me to the hall leading to our balcony.

“As you should be,” I said haughtily.

His dark chuckle reverberated through me, my stomach fluttering as I fought a smile and we stepped onto the balcony together. I walked up to the railing, setting my champagne glass aside and stared up at the sky as the star-spirits continued to sparkle and dance. Rhys’s fingers brushed up and down my spine softly as he watched with me, both of us in a comfortable silence. I watched from the corner of my eye as the stars illuminated his handsome face, a warm smile on his lips and I reached a hand down to hold his.

He turned that smile to me, “What did you want to ask me, my love?”

My heart skipped a beat as a question I was genuinely curious about popped into my mind, “What’s the first memory you have of Starfall?” I asked.

“That’s what you dragged me out here in the cold for?” He asked with a smirk, moving to stand behind me as he slid his arms around my waist and rested his chin atop the crown of my head.

I leaned into his embrace, perching my arms on his. I really do want to know

His sigh was peaceful as he contemplated, searching his memory as we continued to watch the sparkling display. Should I show you or do you want me to tell you?

“Tell me,” I answered quietly. My mind too tangled a mess to allow myself into his without the possibility of revealing my secret prematurely.

His arms tightened around me slightly as he smiled into my hair, “I was five years old. My mother and father brought me to the House of Wind, as they did every year. It was the first I managed to stay awake long enough to actually see the star-spirits,” he explained.

Gentle swells of music began to play behind us, and he swayed us from side to side smoothly. “It was years before they began to drift apart, so their relationship was strong. I remember it was the first time I realized how much they actually loved each other; for a time at least. I used to wonder how honest their love actually was, and my mind would always drift back to the memories of them dancing together on Starfall to remind me. It was also the night my mother announced she was pregnant with my sister.

“We were on the balcony at the House of Wind, watching the star shower. I was sitting on my father's shoulders, pointing out every spirit I saw. I was completely in awe of them. I think seeing my reaction made my mother cry, and when my father asked her what was wrong, she said to him ‘I can’t wait for our next child to look at the stars the way he does.’ The look on his face; the genuine elation in his eyes was enough to convince me that, for at least a part of my childhood, they had real love for each other.”

My eyes burned and my throat thickened as he relayed his memories, holding me close as we continued to sway together as the music continued to play. I moved to squeeze his hands lightly, his arms still wrapped around me from behind.

“That’s a beautiful memory, Rhys,” I whispered, my tears still threatening to spill.

He moved to bury his face in the crook of my neck, planting a kiss there as he breathed a peaceful sigh through his nose; still moving us along to the music, “Beautiful as it may be, my favorite Starfall memory will always be the first we shared together Feyre darling,” he whispered back.

I couldn’t help the few tears that fell as I closed my eyes with a smile, squeezing his hands a little harder. Words failed me in that moment and I opened my eyes again, both of our gazes turning to the sky as a large sprite glittered close to us. I gasped as the star-spirits began vaulting across the sky in greater numbers. They decorated the horizon in an endless dance—like liquid starlight sparkling above us as they danced and twirled. I heard the excited cheers of our guests on the other side of the estate and grinned. Mor was right, this year the spirits returned in vast amounts, unlike I ever imagined or thought possible.

A thought for a thought, Feyre darling?

I smiled and grabbed his hands, moving them from my waist and resting them on my abdomen right as that glimmer pulsed through it. “I’m thinking, I can’t wait for our baby to look at the stars the way you do,” I said.

Rhys stiffened at my words and I turned in his arms, making sure his hands stayed on my stomach as my eyes met his, my eyes burning again “I’m pregnant, Rhys.”

His eyes widened and looked down at where our hands rested, as though he might see the evidence now that I said the words aloud. A second later he dropped to one knee before me, eye level with our joined hands as he caressed my stomach fondly.

His eyes, now lined with silver, met mine again, “You’re pregnant?” He choked out.

I nodded with a sob, my words failing me once again and he sucked in a breath as he looked at my abdomen again. “My son, the son you showed me on your birthday, is growing inside of you...now?” He asked, his throat thick.

I sobbed again, a wet laugh escaping as I nodded, “That’s what pregnant means,” I rasped.

I heard his own strangled sob before he shot up to his feet, pulling me into an embrace and lifting me off the ground as he spun me around, chanting my name over and over again. “FeyreFeyreFeyre,” he sobbed in my hair.

I laughed and sobbed and cried all at once, my arms wrapping around his shoulders as he planted me back onto the ground and held onto my waist. His forehead rested against mine and I brought my hands up to brush his tears away while my own shamelessly poured down my cheeks.

“When I first noticed how different your scent was, I thought it was possible, but I didn’t want to say anything and get our hopes up,” he explained as he brought his hands up to wipe my tears away as well.

“You were suspicious this whole time?” I sniffed with a laugh.

“You’re my mate, I knew something was going on, but you didn’t even seem to realize it so I didn’t say anything,” he said, thumbs running over my cheeks as I held his wrists gently.

I smiled, “To be fair, I didn’t catch on until yesterday, after I fainted. I can’t believe I was so dense,” I laughed in disbelief.

He shook his head, returning his hands and gaze to my stomach “You weren’t...neither of us saw it coming,” he said softly.

“We tried for so long Rhys,” I whispered, my hands coming to rest on his chest.

He caressed my stomach again, “We’re going to have a baby,” he swallowed and his violet eyes met mine. “I love you beyond measure, Feyre. You’ve given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, more than I could possibly deserve, and now,” he dropped to one knee, again surveying my stomach as he continued, “I can’t wait to meet the son you’re blessing me with.”

I sobbed again and wrapped my arms around him as he leaned in to place a kiss on my abdomen. He stayed there for a minute before rising again, slipping his arms around my waist and capturing my lips with his. I kissed him back deeply, holding him close as we resumed moving to the music—dancing slowly as the stars continued their whirling journey beyond the horizon. Our brows pressed together as we swayed, and I draped my arms over his shoulders as his hands held my waist.

After today, this better be your new favorite Starfall memory, I said down the bond.

His answering smile was mischievous. Until next year, when I can dance with you on one arm and my son on the other.

My heart tightened at the thought, and I kissed him again. To the stars who listen, Rhys.

To the dreams that are answered, Feyre.

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femmesandhoney · 3 years

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I can't tell if I'm reading into things too much or if anon is having a weird ego moment over running better on less sleep but either way I don't blame you for wanting to make sure you're well rested, kids are a lot of work and it's good that you want to ensure she feels comfortable and happy

idk if they mean for it to come off as "im better than you" but i also read it like that. And like listen, my best friend all throughout middle school and high school slept shitty hours. im talking worse than five a night. you may think youre okay, but youre body and brain are fucking miserable. if youre surviving off caffeine to get by, youre body is not okay. so i really don't take anyone gloating about being able to do something with less sleep than normal as anything praise worthy if theyre a person who actually does need 8 hrs or more to function well (which is most people but not all)

and like im there for 12 hours whenever i watch her. its not a short gig. i literally need to be fully rested because i might be able to only catch an hour or so of sleep before she wakes up. i arrive by 6:15 after waking up at 5 to get ready, and sometimes this girl wakes up at like 7 am. like kids are weird lol. they dont care about your sleep schedule, though ik if i was like hey imma take a nap right now is that okay she wouldn't care, but im not there to take a nap. both her and the mom expect me to be actually awake and watching her the whole time.

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pbandjesse · 4 years

Text

Getting these sinus headaches every night sucks. I thought I was over this but its just as bad as before and it sucks. My ear feels all swollen inside and my jaw hurts. Its not a fun time. But thankfully today was a good day. I didnt feel to bad, I just felt tired. I am really grateful for the weekend even if I know its going to be over to fast.

I did not sleep good last night though. James said I tossed and turned a lot. I slept with my sleep mask on and that helped me fall asleep, but it wasnt a very fun night. I woke up at 8 and was just like. No. And I was under the impression I was coming in late today so I wasnt to concerned about my time line.

So I got up around 915. I got washed up and dressed. I tried to feel okay. I felt cute at least. I love my fluffy sweater. SweetP also likes it and keeps chewing on it.

I had breakfast and got started on my next pair of socks. This one would be a lot more slow going because of the type of yarn. But I am still excited about the progress and I hope that they come out better then the first. Not that those are bad, but I want to get better. I hope to make socks for everyone for christmas this year. Hopefully I can actually make that happen.

I cleaned the apartment a little. And then I got a text from Travis saying he wasnt coming in today so I was like. Well let me check in that they dont want me to come in at the normal time instead of the pushed back time. But apparently there was a miscommunication and they want me to do the normal schedule for another week. Ah well. So I left here at 1050 and was a little nervous about being late but I clocked in at 1059. Nice.

So the day was long. But we only had 6 kids. And it was honestly mostly just chill. One kid had a small blow up but once he calmed down we talked it out and the missing assignments his computer said he had were just not marked as done and once we did that he was all good. And then another child did all their math work without prompting after a slight meltdown when they lost the link to their class briefly. But after speaking to a parent on the phone we figured it out and it was all good.

I was a little on edge all day though. For no good reason. Which was very annoying. But I worked on my knitting. And helped the kids come up with a new game. We did a little art. And we had little pizzas for snack. It was nice.

I was down to 3 kids by 330 when we went down to the gym. They wanted to play more basketball. I decided to try shooting some hoops and I got 10 baskets in a row! Amazing. I dont jump much but I was getting them right in there. Pretty sweet.

For the last half hour of the day I just had one kid. And I very much wanted to leave. The manager let me go a little after 530 though and I was very grateful.

I had a nice walk, but it was cold out! I was surprised. I wish I had had gloves with me. But I got home and I was alright.

I was just really tired. James got stuck in a call that made them work almost a half hour later then normal. I laid on the couch and soon we had dinner. We built more of our lego flowers. I just think they look so cute. Im still so pleased I was able to get them for us.

I played a little animal crossing. While James got on another call for the DND campaign were going to play soon. And now I am chilling in bed. My head hurts but its mostly my ear and jaw. And I really hope I can just sleep easy and enjoy my weekend.

Tomorrow I hope to take my clothes to donate and get five guys and make some art. I hope its a nice time. I hope you all have a good day too. Sleep well my friends!

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summerbreezeyy · 4 years

Text

Love, Huh? - Chapter 6

Finally today arrived. The day you were meeting Yixing. After the dinner with the Oh’s, you texted him you were free the next day, but he had to be in China for a family wedding for a week. You met Yixing back when your ex was finding businesses to invest in, and his club was one of them. You didn’t instantly become friends with him, other than the fact that your ex was super jealous, Yixing was kinda scary at first. He had this intimidating aura, even your ex agreed. But you got closer. In secret though.

For the past week, the boys have barely left you alone. They would try to arrange their schedule so at least one of them would be home. You know they have many friends, especially Chanyeol. Even Kyungsoo has his routine hangouts with his group. And Sehun who likes to drink outside. But lately they’ve just been at home a lot. You overheard Chanyeol couple days ago talking to his friend, “Sorry babe, a bit busy tonight, the comeback is near. But I’ll see you next week at the show okay?” or when you unintentionally and accidentally saw a text message on Kyungsoo’s phone from ‘Kwangsoo-hyung’ that read “We miss you Soo-ya. Hope you can come next time!” when both of them (plus the youngest) were schedule-less and spent the whole night at home drinking with Sehun’s newly bought whiskey.

When all of them had to leave altogether one day, they called and texted you (or facetime at the clingy maknae’s case) all day. You wanted to tell them that you were okay, and to be alone for a couple of hours is totally manageable. But you didn’t, knowing that they still felt guilty (when they shouldn’t have) they couldn’t be there when you needed them. So you let them, do things that would ease their minds.

You told them about your plan today, since they had to finish everything up for their next week’s comeback. Like expected, when you were getting ready to meet Yixing, you checked your phone to find a lot of texts already came in the group chat, the one they already had before they added you in.

Yeollie [10:16] :

Hey @you awake yet?

Se [11:03] :

Sleepyhead wake up

You [12:24] :

Sorry just checked my phone. Been awake since 10 you ass @Se

Almost ready to head out tho, leaving in about 15 minutes. So excitedd!

When are you guys coming home tonight? I was thinking of Ramyeon night?

Kyungsoo [12:26] :

We should be home at around 8 or 9 I think. Don’t wait for us to have dinner. Chanyeol would pick a movie for tonight, but if you’re tired you can go to sleep early. Have fun with your friend and be careful.

Yeollie [12:26] :

At 8!

Oh Soo answered that already lol :p

Have fun we miss youuu!

Wait I thought you were meeting him at 1?

Se [12:27] :

My ass is great, you just jealous

You [12:27] :

*you’re

@Yeollie always the sweetest! I miss you guys too! And this morning when Xing told me the address, turned out the café is just a couple blocks away, so I’m walking there!

@Kyungsoo yes sir!

Se [12:27] :

Hmm.. Kinky

You [12:27] :

Shut up, you’re the only kinky ass in this gc fool, my eyes are still suffering from what I saw

Se [12:28] :

…

Okay I’m shutting up

Yeollie [12:29] :

Ohh! Tell me! I wanna know!

You [12:29] :

If Sehun continued being a brat I would happily tell you :)

Kyungsoo [12:29] :

Back to actually important thing, you’re gonna walk there? Can’t he pick you up or just take a cab instead. It’s safer.

You [12:30] :

I think I could walk just fine, Soo. No need to be paranoid. I’m not dying or anything. Gonna keep annoying your asses for a long time so count on it!

Se [12:31] :

You’ve been saying ‘ass’ waaay too many times today. Didn’t know you’re an ass-kinda girl

You [12:31] :

Sehun, I’m thiiis close to type in what I saw 3 christmas ago in your room when both your hyungs were visiting their parents

By the way, aren’t you guys supposed to be working now?

Get off of your phones! If they fired you and you’re jobless who’s gonna feed me :(

Yeollie [12:32] :

I’m lunching and Soo’s at makeup and Sehun is messing around like usual, we’ll keep our job just fine and you’re gonna be eating good food for the rest of our life!

Oh and by the way, we’re watching Captain America tonight ! But like Soo said, if you’re tired you could just go to sleep!

And please Sehun, keep being annoying. I can’t wait for when she’s fed up with you and finally tell us your kinks.

Se [12:32] :

Yes mommy

@Yeollie interested much ???

You [12:32] :

Ooh, I see, another kink. I’ll keep that in mind, baby ;)

By the way @Yeollie I still find it weird you’re Team Cap but ordered Iron Man costume instead. And don’t worry. I can sense it’s close to when I finally do :)

But not complaining about the movie tho, I got to stare at Chris Evans’ face (and abs and arms) for 2 hours, I don’t even think I’m gonna be sleepy.

Se [12:33] :

Why are you only mean to me :(

He’s weird that’s why! Everyone who’s Team Cap is weird!

You [12:33] :

Faulty logic. You’re Team Iron Man but still the weirdest out of all of us

Yeollie [12:33]:

*online high-five*

And Team Cap rocks!

You [12:33] :

Preach!

Se [12:34] :

@Kyungsoo hyuuung help me they’re bullying me :(

Kyungsoo [12:34] :

Oh I didn’t tell you? I’m also Team Cap.

Se [12:34] :

HYUNG! HOW COULD YOU?

You [12:34] :

Should we change this gc name to ‘Cap’s bitches’?

[12:35] Yeollie changed group name to “Cap’s Bitches”

Se [12:35] :

HYUNG SERIOUSLY!

Kyungsoo [12:35] :

Jesus

At this point you were laughing close to tears. You continued eating your lunch, a text came in, from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo [12:37] :

Hey you had lunch yet?

You [12:37] :

Eating rn!

Kyungsoo [12:37] :

Good. Don’t forget your meds too

You [12:37] :

Yes daddy

Kyungsoo almost choked on his drink, that his makeup noona looked at him weird.

“Funny pic,” he half-assedly explained.

You [12:37] :

Wait that came out weird

Sorry lol

Kyungsoo [12:38] :

You should thank God this is not the gc

You [12:38] :

Sehun won’t let it go I know :)

Hell I think Chanyeol would also tease me about it

By the way I’m gonna head out shortly

Have a fun day at work! See you tonight! xx

Kyungsoo [12:39] :

See you, and be safe.

Leaving Kyungsoo and the group chat (that was just filled with Sehun’s whining at this point) on read, you finished your dishes and went back to your room to grab your bag. Picking up the phone you left on the counter, you saw the last messages on the group chat.

Se [12:44] :

I hate everyone

[12:45] Se changed group name to “im leaving the band”

A laugh came out from you. Finally things were starting to be normal again. Except of course the constant nagging and worries from them. But you found yourself liking it, that they care about you. And of course, it did feel nice to bicker with Sehun after so long.

“I miss your bratty ass,” you smiled mumbling to no one.

When you were checking out the chat, someone rang the doorbell. Weird, no one was supposed to come over.

You [12:45] :

Hey anyone expecting someone today?

I thought the cleaner was supposed to come tomorrow?

After the quick texts, they didn’t answer and the bell rung again. So you took a look at the peephole, and found the person you didn’t expect standing in front of the door.

“BAEKHYUN!” you exclaimed.

“GIRLIE I MISSED YOU!” he then proceeded to hug you.

“What are you doing here?!”

Baekhyun let you go before answering, “Your boyfriends told me you needed company today!”

Ah, of course. The boys.

“They told me to come last week too, but I was busy so I couldn’t. I was so sad I couldn’t see you earlier. It’s been sooooo long!!” he explained.

You hugged once again, indeed, missing him. Before the shitshow happened, he was one of your closest friends other than the EXO, the boys’ band. You then told him you were meeting Yixing and he was more than happy to come with you.

So you walked with him to Yixing’s café. He started to talk about the things you missed out about him, like how he became the million seller with his last album, the first Korean solo artist to do so in 19 years (yes go off king), and some of the guys he dated. He also mentioned his plan to collab with Kyungsoo again and how he had high hopes about it, since the first made him got a best friend in the latter and also in you and the two others.

It took him about 10 minutes before asking, “So what happened?”

“Bad relationship, and like usual, they were there to pick up my pieces,” you answered with a sincere smile.

Baekhyun didn’t pry. And that was really what he really need to know. That you were okay.

15 minutes of walking and you finally arrived. And you didn’t even have to enter the café to find Yixing, he was standing on the entrance looking down to his watch and phone. He only looked over when you called his name, and you launched into each other’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he held you.

“Again, not your fault, and never will be.” You stepped back from him and introduced him to the other person. “This is Baekhyun, and this is Yixing,” you said to both and Yixing offered his hand. Baekhyun zoned out for a minute before shaking the other’s hand.

“Come in! And choose your favorite treat please!” the tallest welcomed you in.

After choosing the mouthwatering red velvet cake and rose tea for yourself, all three of you were seated in one of the tables.

“So I never knew you had a café,” you said to Yixing.

“You know I’m a sweet tooth. Once I’ve saved enough, this happened,” he gestured the café. “Have you been okay?”

“Yes, how ‘bout you?”

“Me? I’m okay. Well not really. I’m drowning in debts cause I made a leap of faith when this lot became available couple of months ago, so,” he laughed.

You laughed with him too, “Your parents are rich, Xing. You need to worry about nothing.”

“Exactly why I’m not depressed about the debts,” he paused to take a sip of his drink. “Is this one of the guys you live with?” he asked pointing at the guy sitting next to you, currently head deep in his strawberry watermelon cake.

You chuckled seeing Baekhyun’s excitement eating the treat. “No. He’s their friend though. Mine too.”

Realizing he was being talked about, he looked sheepishly to the both of you. “Sorry, this is really good,” he talked with his mouth full.

“By the way, where do you live? You said it’s not far?” Yixing asked you. When you told him the name of the building, his eyes widen. “No way.”

“What?”

“I live there too!”

“No way.”

“Do you live there too?” Yixing asked Baekhyun this time.

“Sadly, no.”

All of you ended up talking about music, with Baekhyun giving songs recommendation for Yixing to play in his café, most of them are his songs though. Not that anyone complained, his songs are bombs. Baekhyun also asked about business things, turned out he was thinking about opening up a clothes store for his brand.

“Sorry I have to take this,” Baekhyun said when his phone rang, and he walked out of the café.

“Does he know?” Yixing asked once Baekhyun left.

“A little bit.”

“The other guys?”

“They know.”

“Good. You need the support.” He paused again. “I’m really sorry though. I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“Like I’ve said over and over again, it is not your fault.”

“His mom called a couple days ago.”

Your breath hitched. “Why?”

“He’s been spiraling out of control.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “But why would she call you and not his friends?” They were friends yes, Yixing and your ex. But not that close.

“She asked my number around, knowing I know you, to ask me to tell you. She’s his mom but still a woman. She couldn’t ask you for this.”

“For what?”

“A call. To him.”

And this time you were sure you weren’t breathing. “What happened to him?” you asked him with your head hung low.

Yixing took your hand in his, “Drugs.”

Your head snapped up. “What?”

He took a deep breath before continuing to explain, “He did drug business behind my back at the club, another reason I closed it down other than the fact that all the investors left after what happened. And the police knew. That’s why they tried to push you into suing him, cause they don’t have enough proof to put him behind bars. He never used them before. But his mom told me he’s been doing it. And she begged me to let you know, to ask you to call him. Just once, to tell him to stop.”

Your head fell again, you were holding back tears. You were afraid, of him. You were afraid of what he did to you and also about what would happen to him.

“You don’t have to do it, not after what he did to you.”

“I… I’ll think about it,” you replied weakly.

“Don’t think too hard. I don’t agree with this too. I only told you because his mom literally begged me on her knees to let you know. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay?”

You just nodded. When Baekhyun came back, you tried to fake a smile and masked your feelings. After about another hour, with promises of visiting in the future, you left. As both of you walked out of the café, you turned to your side to the guy who spent the last hour staring at your friend, “You know, he’s gay, he’s single, definitely ready to mingle, and I also noticed his interest in you” you watched his eyes twinkled, “Go get that dick,” you lightly smacked his bottom as he blushed and walked in once again to face the guy behind the cashier. You saw them pulling out their phones, clearly exchanging numbers. “Happy?” you asked as Baekhyun came out smiling wide.

“I just got myself a sugar daddy, of course I’m happy!”

“Oh don’t even try. He’s my sugar daddy.”

“Honey, you already have 3, you don’t need more.”

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lcngview · 4 years

Text

✈️ — ⌜park jimin, cismale, cis male⌟ ↝ have you heard ? it seems like the heir of the HAE was very close to Liam Yu too. they go by ISAAC and they were Liam's MUSE. their network is of 87M and they’re only TWENTY FOUR … what a burden it must be. i heard they can be very ENERGETIC and LIGHT-HEARTED but these last few months, their RESTLESS and EMOTIONAL personality has been showing more. the media is sure having a filled day with them! i hope this road trip with friends will help them. did you know that LATE NIGHTS AT THE DANCE STUDIO, NEW TATTOOS THAT HIS PARENTS CAN’T SEE, A GRILLED CHEESE WITH TRUFFLE OIL AND HANGING OUT WITH THE FAMILY DOG DURING DINNER PARTIES really show their true persona ? maybe Liam was the only one who knew that.

hello my darlings!! i’m lis and this is my cinnamon roll isaac. he’s a old muse of mine that i’ve decided to repurpose so there’s still some random holes in his backstory i still have to figure out so pls excuse me. i’m kind of a hot mess all the time honestly but ily all already and im v excited to start writing with you! you can find me on discord ( *𝙡𝙞𝙨.#2158 ) or we can just chat on tumblr <3

oh also you can find isaac’s pinterest here! its not totally finished but u know.

basics.

name: isaac hae gender: cis male. age: twenty-four ( 24 ) sexuality: homosexual. birthday: december 14th. zodiac: sagittarius hometown: new york, ny.

physical.

faceclaim: park jimin. hair: naturally black, currently dyed and styled like this. eyes: brown. build: despite his small stature he has an athletic build with strong legs from dancing.

tattoos: [he has a few artsy ones mostly on his back and ribs where his parents can’t see them but i'm too lazy to list them rn, i’ll get to it eventually jfkjsbjk] height: 5′7″

languages: english, korean

+ traits: energetic, light-hearted - traits: restless, emotional

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bio.

↳ isaac hae was born and raised in new york ctiy as the only child to two real estate developers turned luxury hotel owners in december 1996.

↳ his parents weren’t around much when he was growing up so he was raised mostly by the families butler Simon; as a result, isaac isn’t really all that close to his parents. to this day, despite having lived on his own for the past 6 years he still makes it a point to go to the family estate to see Simon when he can.

↳ isaac was around five when his parents began enrolling him in various afterschool activities; soccer, piano, tennis, archery, but he knew he had no interest in doing any of those things. he wanted to dance. after a few months of begging his mother gave in and enrolled him in a contemporary dance school. while his father was never silent about his dislike for his only son being interested in dance isaac never really cared, he barely saw his dad anyways.

↳ it didn’t take long after he started dancing for his teacher to notice his natural talent and isaac quickly became the most skilled dancer in his year, the competition trophies and metals quickly filling up the bookshelf in his bedroom.

↳ when isaac was around twelve his mom was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer almost out of the blue. this dropped a bomb on his relatively normal life up until that point. the next nine months were spent in and out of hospitals as his mom got treatment from the best doctors in the world. despite the fact that he was never all that close to her the fact that she was sick and not getting better made him rethink their relationship, she was his mom after all.

↳ after his mom passed isaac spent the next few years throwing himself into dance more than usual while the relationship with his father quickly deteriorated. the only time his father made it a point to talk to his son was to ask about school and how the college search was going, only interested in the future reputation of the company his son would take over.

↳ isaac eventually graduated high school and ran off to college, wanting to escape being under his father's thumb as quickly as possible. this was where he met liam. the older boy had wandered into the dance studio one day while isaac practiced for an upcoming showcase asking if he could watch and while he was confused at first he eventually agreed.

↳ the first few times all liam did was sit in the corner and watch isaac while he practiced, only asking a few questions but not really speaking much beyond a greeting and saying goodbye. by the third or fourth time liam showed up at the studio he didn’t come empty-handed like normal, instead he had a sketchbook which he had immediately opened once isaac started dancing.

↳ it wasn’t until a few weeks had passed that isaac learned what liam had been doing, why he had continued coming to the studio even after that first time and was now sketching him. he had been painting isaac... and not just once either. after some coaxing liam eventually showed isaac the paintings.

↳ it was from that point on that liam and isaac developed an interesting relationship, anytime the older boy was feeling particularly uninspired he would come watch the younger one dance. isaac wasn’t totally sure what it was about his dancing that inspired liam but he didn’t ask, genuinely enjoying the company as he was usually alone in the studio at night. eventually the two became actual friends, keeping in touch even after liam had graduated.

↳ the next few years isaac spent dancing and working towards his business degree (to appease his father and the board of directors) before eventually graduating and moving into one of the penthouse apartments owned by his father's company in downtown new york city.

↳ despite being in the same city as liam (most of the time), with their crazy schedules it was difficult to see each other as often as either one of them would have liked. but liam still made a point to come to the studio to watch him dance when he had time.

↳ currently isaac works for his dad and dances at a nearby studio whenever he’s not at work.

tldr; isaac is just a dancing cinnamon with some parental issues spurring from his moms death and father just not being around.

------

personality.

isaac can be a sassy little shit when he wants to be, typically always joking around and always in a good mood. it’s very rare to see this boy have an off day. despite this isaac has the most insane worth ethic which is why he is either practicing at the studio or working, rarely letting himself have any sort of off time (he prefers it this way tbh). at the end of the day isaac is really just a giant ball of sunshine wrapped up in a cinnamon roll. all he wants is to be your friend and make sure you feel loved. (he doesn’t always save a lot of that love for himself though asfjhg)

-------

headcanons.

↳ third generation korean-american, his grandparents moved to the states in the early 1960′s.

↳ despite being comfortable with his sexuality he hasn’t totally come out of the closet to his family and doesn’t see that happening anytime soon. outside of his friends, he tries to keep his sexual preferences on the down-low, not wanting the media to get wind of it.

↳ is NOT a morning person, never was and probably never will be. the only time isaac doesn’t have his sunshine personality on full display is in the first couple hours after he wakes up so he makes it a point to avoid everyone until he feels more like himself.

↳ isaac is absolutely terrible about his phone. it’s always dead or broken (despite being able to buy a brand new one) and he almost prefers it that way. this boy always has at least 17 unread texts and 9 missed calls at all times. if you are trying to get in contact with him it’s best to just give up.

↳ while in college he did his best to keep his family's wealth a secret, not wanting people to look at him differently just because he had a large trust fund waiting for him.

↳ it wasn’t until a couple years ago that isaac realized he had a crush on liam and it scared the crap out of him. almost immediately after he came to the realization he knew liam could never find out and shoved the feelings deep down. isaac valued their friendship too much to ruin it but now kind of regrets not saying anything now.

↳ the duality this boy possesses is almost comical. day to day he is just isaac, the ball of sunshine and happiness most people know him to be but the moment he steps into that dance studio he turns into a different person. he becomes the type of person you probably wouldn’t want to bring home to your parents. isaac can turn this side of him on and off like a switch though most of the time he doesn’t realize that he is even doing it in the first place.

#mytime; intro #* ♡ ˙ ˖ ✧ — ⧼ 𝚒𝚜𝚊𝚊𝚌 𝚑𝚊𝚎 ⧽ ⋰ * ✧ intro.#this is almost obnoxiously long #and honestly kinda terrible #so if u make it through i'm v proud

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audreycritter · 5 years

Link

day six: dragged away dick grayson & bruce wayne general canon, Pre-N52 tw: drugging, blood, vomit

***

The moon cast pale gray light on the building spires and then the city was plunged into darkness by swiftly moving cloud cover. Nightwing glanced up, looking for a break in the inky sky, and saw miles of storm system spread out over the bay and moving in.

He’d been hoping the forecast would be off by a few hours, at least. No such luck.

At least Robin wasn’t out with him tonight. Damian still had a penchant for leaning into things that made him uncomfortable— habit or defense mechanism or both. If he was freezing in the rain, he’d insist on stay out longer than a normal patrol, just to prove that he could. Dick had spent more than one night as Batman surreptitiously finding ways to warm Damian up after a cold night, while the kid pretended he wasn’t visibly shivering.

Nightwing had been watching Gotham for five days now, and Damian had been out for three of those. Tonight, he’d insisted Damian stay in, and had left the cave to angry stomping going up the stairs into the house. He’d cool down, Dick knew, and probably crash and sleep within thirty minutes of furiously flinging himself into bed to sulk.

Five days of Bruce being undercover with hardly a word, and Damian was wired, on edge, and exhausted. Nightwing had that deep current of worry he always did when Bruce was out of contact, but that was undercover work, and he was used to it.

Overhead, the sky rumbled ominously. Nightwing leapt from the edge of the First National building and let the free fall carry him down ten stories before throwing a grapple line and curving into the arc of its catch. He landed in a roll and the second he was back on his feet, his comm beeped. He froze. That pattern, that tone— that was the emergency beacon signal.

“O,” he said, into the comm.

“Osborne and St. Mark,” she said, immediately. “It’s not Robin. A’s confirming now that he’s at home. It’s a warehouse, one of Roman Sionis’ frozen assets in federal holding. Should be empty.”

“I’ll be there in seven,” he said. “Cycle’s two blocks from me. Any visual?”

“I’ve got a camera a block down St. Mark’s that shows an empty lot. No in-building security online to use. Deploying a recon drone.” Oracle sounded purely businesslike, not a hint of stress present in her voice. Nightwing knew that meant she was masking, work-focused, and frustrated without enough information.

Nightwing made it to his parked and cloaked cycle in record time and ate up asphalt speeding through the streets as it started to rain.

“Heat scan shows three bodies inside,” Oracle said when he was close. “Hand to hand, one against two. One of the two down.”

Nightwing gunned the engine. He could see the warehouse now.

“Second is down,” Oracle said. “One man standing. Bottom floor.”

“I’m here,” Nightwing said.

The cycle skidded and squealed to a stop and Nightwing leapt from it and took the first double doors with a kick. He had a suspicion— a hope— who the one man left on his feet was, and there wasn’t much reach to proceed with caution or strategy at that point.

“You’ve got a car enroute,” Oracle said. “I’ve got A on standby for emergency response prep orders.”

The emergency beacon probably meant blood, and lots of it.

Nightwing went through the dark building at a dead sprint, frantically scanning for any sign of Bruce. The interior was lit with warming fluorescent lights, the faint hum above head a clue that they’d been turned on very recently. He rounded the abandoned machinery just in time to see a hunched figure stumble backward and fall.

“B!” Nightwing flew across the room on a burst of extra speed and slid to a stop on his knees in front of the sitting figure.

The ragged coat, the moth-eaten wool hat, the graying new beard, the colored contacts— all would have been remarkably effective disguises if he hadn’t already known who he was going to find. Bruce swayed, even sitting. There was blood trickling from his lip, and his pupils were blown.

Nightwing glanced up and down, hunting for seeping bloodstains. “B. What happened?”

“Drug,” Bruce slurred. “Organ...chop shop.”

The two men on the floor didn’t stir and Nightwing wished they would so he could kick them both in the teeth, and watch their faces while he did it. He put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder to steady him.

“Can you stand? O’s sending a car. We gotta get you back to the Manor.”

“No,” Bruce said, trying to shake his hand off. “No, not...Robin…”

“Robin’s fine, B,” Nightwing said, frowning.

Bruce twisted clumsily and vomited on the floor. It splattered one of the unconscious men. “No,” he said again, staring at the mess.

“He probably deserved that,” Nightwing said.

“DN...din...A,” Bruce mumbled, tugging uselessly at the man’s zippered jacket. His fingers struggled to grasp the zipper pull while he leaned and Nightwing braced him and sat him back upright, tugging him a foot across the floor.

“Oof. You’re as heavy as a freighter, B. Nobody’s gonna run DNA here. Don’t move.” Nightwing patted the unconscious man’s face to check for response and whistled when there wasn’t even a groan. “Holy right hook, Batman. You knocked him out colder than Mr. Freeze. Listen, A’s going to be ready for us. Robin will be fine.”

“Drugs,” Bruce protested, sounding far more upset than he should have been. He didn’t usually let much seep into his tone, ever, so this was downright unsettling. “He’s...will...drugs scare ‘im.”

Nightwing went as still as a startled animal, and then slowly, he turned back to Bruce and crouched in front of him.

“B,” he said, softly. “Just what’d they give you, anyway? This Robin isn’t going to be upset like that.”

“No,” Bruce insisted, his head bobbing forward like he was having trouble controlling it. “No. Jay can’t...he’s...he’ll see...”

The comm beeped softly in his ear when he activated an open channel. “O, is the penthouse clear tonight? The big guy’s gonna need to sleep something off.”

“No janitorial scheduled. Back elevator’s still programmed with your access code.” There was a significant, but brief, pause. “He’s okay? A’s waiting.”

“The only blood out here isn’t his. He was drugged but he’s conscious. I will take that car, though. I don’t think he could stay on a cycle right now. Tell A I’ve got him and to keep Robin at home.”

“I’ll send Black Bat,” Oracle said. “Keep me updated.”

Nightwing glanced at the men and sighed. “Hold on, B.” He pulled ties out of his cuff pockets and rolled them both, tying their hands behind them. He’d call it in, or have Oracle do it, when they were far enough away, but at least they wouldn’t get too far or choke on their own puke if the police were slow.

“Is not...” Bruce said, his brow knitted in confusion. He blinked slowly and tried to focus on Nightwing. “Is not Jay anymore.”

“No, B,” Nightwing said quietly. “It’s not. Do you know what they gave you?”

“Somethin’...fuckin’..._strong_,” Bruce spat out, sounding profoundly annoyed. Nightwing grabbed his arm and counterpressured with the heels of his boots when he stood, and fortunately, Bruce cooperated. He leaned heavily on Nightwing as they walked, but he was managing his own feet well enough.

“Organ chop shop, huh,” Nightwing commented. “How long have you known? I’m guessing it wasn’t long before they drugged you, or they never would have gotten that close.”

“Drug me,” Bruce repeated, and his arm slung around Nightwing’s shoulders tightened.

“So you said,” Nightwing answered. “Here’s the car. Come on, in you go, and if you try to take the wheel from me or open the door while we’re driving, I’m going to knock you out for your own good.”

“Brat,” Bruce said. As soon as Nightwing closed the car door, he was tearing out the colored contacts and dropping them on the floor.

The ride to the penthouse was mostly silence that Nightwing filled with chatter. Bruce didn’t normally contribute much in the way of actual words, but the drugs disrupted his ability to grunt or move at the right times, so Nightwing felt a bit like he was talking to an actual brick wall. It made Dick uneasy, even knowing it was drugs, to feel like Bruce was beside him and very, very far away.

It took some maneuvering to get Bruce onto the elevator but they made it into the penthouse without incident. As soon as they were there, inside, with the door locked, Nightwing peeled off his mask and Bruce shrugged awkwardly out of the beaten coat and hat. He dropped them on the floor and stumbled into the living room, and past the couch.

“Wait, wait up,” Dick called, hopping on one foot and then the other as he tugged off the suit boots. He left them on the floor and followed Bruce as he bumped into one item after another like some sort of human pinball, until he swerved hard left and into the bathroom.

Bruce hugged the toilet and puked more, while Nightwing stood beside him, feeling helpless, while wrestling the suit off of himself. He waited, hovering nearby, trying to decide what to do. Bruce’s shoulders stopped heaving and he leaned there, forehead on forearm, trembling faintly.

“Uh, I’m gonna, I’m gonna grab some water and some clothes for both of us,” Dick said. “I’ll be right back.”

It only took him under a minute but he still expected to see Bruce on the couch or climbing into a bed after. It was a surprise to find him still in the bathroom, shaking. Dick crouched down beside him, a worn t-shirt on, and offered the glass of water.

“Shit,” Bruce said, a word that was more low groan than speech.

“You were not kidding when you said they gave you something strong,” Dick said, putting a hand on Bruce’s shoulder after the glass was transferred.

Bruce gulped half of the water, set the glass down, and exhaled roughly. He staggered to his feet again. He braced himself on the wall and a desperate little gasp escaped him.

“B,” Dick said, unable to keep the alarm out of his voice. “Are you crying? Bruce. What did they do, exactly?”

“No,” Bruce said, stumbling past him. He went for the nearest bedroom and all but collapsed face down on the bed, turning his head just enough to get the pillow off his mouth and nose. There were tear streaks on his face and Dick climbed onto the bed next to him, his face pinched in worry.

“B. It’s me. You gotta tell me what’s going on. Is this just the drugs?”

“No,” Bruce said again, and a sob tore from his chest. It was the only one— he sucked in a lungful of air and sniffled, and rubbed at his eyes with the tips of his fingers. “S’not...something else.”

Dick elbowed him in the side, gently, and scooted closer. “Yeah? It is something else or it’s not?”

“Tired,” Bruce said, closing his eyes. He threw an arm around Dick and dragged him that much closer, trapping Dick in a warm cuddle. He buried his face in Dick’s hair and Dick relaxed incrementally, as the arm around him did.

“You big oaf,” Dick muttered fondly. “You could have just called and said you wanted to see me. You didn’t have to go get yourself kidnapped for your kidneys.”

Bruce snorted a laugh that ghosted across Dick’s scalp.

“Feeling more you yet? I should get you some more water,” Dick said, without struggling to get away. Bruce didn’t let him go.

“After sleep,” Bruce said, firmly. “Wanna. Sleep. S’been cold.”

“I bet you just loved that,” Dick said. “Undercover means no blankets and fancy mattress. Why don’t you ever do white collar stuff? Seems like that’d be a more comfy gig.”

“Batman...doesn’t…he doesn’t...I don’t..._need_ comfy,” Bruce managed, with several stops and starts. “M’fine.”

More of the tension slipped out of Dick’s muscles and he laughed, and laughed, until his eyes filled with tears. He pressed his face into Bruce’s shoulder and laughed harder at the grumpy little snort of indignation.

“Chum,” Bruce said, and that was enough for Dick to know. He started telling him about a case he’d worked the week before, involving smuggling swans, and one of them attacking him in the suit.

The non-verbal or quiet responses grew more Bruce-like and less slurred as Dick talked, until they were mostly normal. Dick felt the yawn Bruce tried to stifle and then the tell-tale deep breathing of Bruce truly out, the way he slept if he had been sedated.

Dick wriggled enough to fish the comm out of his pocket, where he’d left it.

“O,” he said. “He’s fine.”

“You done for the night?” Oracle asked.

Dick scrunched closer into Bruce’s furnace-like warmth and smiled at the pleased hum.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m staying in.”

#nightwing #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #whumptober #dragged away

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anarchistgumball · 5 years

Text

Kirichako

I was going to get this to 2,000 words but im tired- No warnings necessary

words: 1,856

Pairing: Kirishima x Uraraka

This is in my bakukami AU to which the first part will be here

The first time he really noticed her was her fight with Bakugo. She was determined, strong, and had wits; there was no doubt about it, even if she did end up losing. Uraraka had earned Bakugo’s respect and Kirishima’s admiration that day. After that he started trying to hang around her more. Getting ice cream with her group and when Bakugo wasn’t around to help him, he studied with her. They had a stable, fun friendship and that was good enough for Kirishima.

Kirishima’s affection for Uraraka grew after graduation however, and he spent nights thinking of her. He was planning on confiding in Bakugo, his flatmate, but while the other respected Uraraka he probably wouldn’t understand Kirishima’s crush. So he told Mina, and Sero, and then Kaminari found out- telling Bakugo. Bakugo just snorted saying how Kirishima ‘wasn’t subtle’, while the rest were eager to play matchmaker.

“Come on, ask her out!!” Mina said, shaking his arm. “Any girl would be lucky to have you anyways!”

“Yeah, you’re like perfect boyfriend material, dude” Kaminari added. Kirishima went red and scratched at the back of his neck. “I dont know guys….”

“C’mon Kiri you’re like, perfect” While Sero meant it he also just kind of wanted to embarrass the other. Which he succeeded at. Kirishima was now hiding his face in his hands, but they could see him smiling.

“Guuuuyyyss”

“What? You know its true” Mina poked his head. “Go ask her out, what could go wrong?”

“Everything”

Mina sighed, and kissed him on the forehead. “Well I have to go but call me when you stop being a drama queen”

“I have to go with her but seriously dude, just go for it” Sero said getting up and following Mina. Kaminari smiled at him telling him “I agree” Then went to the table to start on paperwork.

He was patrolling with her today. Fuck. Normally this would be great news, patrolling with one of his friends? Awesome. But with the development of his feelings he didn’t trust himself to not say something dumb. The first fifteen minutes Uraraka chalked up to tiredness, though Kirishima usually woke up at ungodly hours…

“You okay Kiri? Something up?” Kirishima yawned, okay tiredness then she guessed.

“Just tired” He confirmed “Didn’t go to bed until like twelve am”

“Hm, did something keep you up?”

“Yeah, I guess my thoughts did” Kirishima wished he was less tired so he would know how to steer away from this conversation.

“Wanna talk about it?” They were rounding into an ally now and after Uraraka’s eyes swept over the area she looked up at him. She looked like she cared, Kirishima practically felt his insides melt.

“You’re really pretty” Dammit. Abort, abort. That didn’t even relate to what she asked, maybe he was picking up on some of Kaminari’s dumbass since the other moved in.

“Oh what? Uh Thank you, Kirishima.” She smiled slightly, and blushed profusely. Her fingers came up to twirl around each other, out of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t….” Mean it? He did for one thing and didnt want to come across as a dick.

“Ah no, I just wasn’t expecting it is all, you’re pretty too….” She internally cursed herself, while Kirishima tried to not faint.

“Thank you!” His smile was bright, and his stance seemed taller, more confident than before. She wanted to see him like that more.

“She called me pretty, Bakugo! Pretty! Me!” Kirishima was practically gushing about Uraraka to anyone who would listen. Unfortunately for Bakugo he was home. He just snorted. Kaminari entered their flat while Kirishima was pouting in Bakugo’s general direction. He threw his keys on the accent table and headed over to them.

“What’s up?”

“Bakugo’s being mean”

“Ah what the heck, Baku, how could you be mean to this puffball” He circled around the counters to playfully punch Bakugo on the arm. The tips of his ears flushed, something you wouldn’t notice unless you’ve spent years living with him and just as long listening to him talk wistfully about Kaminari. Kirishima stifled a laugh.

The blond chopping vegetables just grumbled “Kirishima won’t stop fucking fawning over Round Face”

Kaminari turned to face him “So did something happen? Did you man up and ask her out?”

“No… but she called me pretty!” Kirishima was smiling again, head up in the clouds. Kaminari smiled, but looked sad? Shit. Kirishima should really think. His own grin dimmed seeing Kaminari.

“Sorry, kami…. I wasn’t…”

“No, it’s fine dude, get your girl”

“I just-” He honestly didn’t know what to say for, like, the gazillionth time that day. Kaminari had just been cheated on and here he was flaunting how he might be getting somewhere with the girl he liked! Was he getting somewhere?

“I get it man, it’s not like you can control your feelings- the only reason i’d care is if you liked Jiro”

Kirishima supposed he had wanted it to sound light and joking when it mostly just came off ... depressing. Bakugo was silent, probably unknowing of how to help the situation and not really liking to talk about Kaminari’s feelings for Jiro. For more than one reason.

“Hey, Kirishima!!” Uraraka said, waving.

Kirishima looked up from his paperwork, which if he was being honest, he didn’t want to do.

“Oh! Hey, Uraraka!” He smiled at her.

“I was wondering if you would want to go to the gym with me at some point? Deku has his schedule filled to the brim again” She laughed a little, shaking her head. The dude did need to take more breaks, even if he was the number one hero.

“Uh, yeah, I would love to! What day works best for you? I’m open after five everyday this week, unless, y’know, an emergency.”

“Maybe Thursday? At 6:30?” She was twirling her hair around her finger. It was cute.

“Yeah, sounds great” He grinned at her and she brightened considerably, unless it was just him thinking that.

“Well I’ll let you get back to work now” He groaned.

“How could you leave me, Uraraka? I’m going to drown in this paperwork or die of boredom! Do you want me dead?” She giggled.

“What if I did” She said playfully, he gasped, dramatically placing one of his hands against his chest.

“You wound me” She laughed while walking out.

“I’ll see you later, Kiri!”

It was Thursday, and he was on the phone with Mina. They were both freaking out over what Kirishima was going to wear to his “date”. They were apparently too loud and an angry Bakugo joined them.

“What the hell are you guys yelling about?!” Bakugo, very appropriately, yelled.

“What Kiri’s going to wear to his very, very important date with Uraraka!!” Mina said, speech semi garbled from the shirt covering Kirishima’s phone.

“Did he finally manage to fuckin’ ask her out?” Ignoring Kirishima to talk to Mina.

“No, but she asked him…. Well kind of…”

“The hell you mean?”

“Well she asked to train with him, alone!”

“...Okay?” Bakugo looked perplexed, brows furrowed.

“Well she obviously wants to spend more time with him, so it’s basically a date”

Bakugo scoffed. Then he turned to Kirishima.

“She’s seen you in work out gear before, idiot, just wear something.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes, Mina sighing loudly.

“Ooooooh I have an actual good idea!” Mina said.

“Let’s here it” Kirishima was getting a little impatient, but still wanted to listen to his friends advice.

“You know that one gray tank top that shows off your ribs and shit? Wear that with like, your light pink gym shorts!”

“Yes! Mina thank you! I love you, but I need to go now”

“Okay, fill me in later!”

The call ended and Bakugo got up and left, rolling his eyes. Once Kirishima was dressed in the outfit Mina picked he headed for the gym.

Kirishima was on the treadmill warming up when Uraraka arrived, she didn’t seem to notice him so he waved.

“Hey Uraraka, over here!” She noticed him, smiled and waved, walking over. She started stretch near where he was.

“So how was your day?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Boring, mostly. Paperwork and the like, but Mina took me out to lunch!”

“Oh awesome! Iida and Deku were both busy so i spent most of the day laying around”

“Oh you should’ve said something, I can always make time for one of my bros!” Uraraka blushed, maybe. Maybe it was because she started running next to him. They ran for about twenty minutes, then did some other exercises. At almost the end she asked him if they could lift weights together. She laughed a little when explaining. “I thought you’d be the best because you know….” Kirishima cocked his head in confusion. She was definitely blushing now. “You’re just really strong and I thought you could maybe give me pointers?”

“Of course!” Kirishima flexed, always showing off when he had the chance. Compliments were always amazing, especially if they were from Uraraka.

She had done thirty- five now struggling with the heavy barbell. Her whole face was red, Kirishima having to remind her to breathe multiple times, but determined. She lifted the bar over her head again with Kirishima encouraging her. She got to forty before she tried to put it back, Kirishima finally grabbing it and putting it back for her. She had her eyes closed, managing her breathing.

“That was amazing!” She grinned at him, still laying down.

“My arms feel like noodles…. But I’m going to keep at it until I can beat you”

“Excuse me I am unbeatable, but seriously, that was manly as hell” He felt his ears burning wondering if he should’ve said something else. She sat up slowly.

“Thanks, for what it’s worth I think your manly as hell too” She stood, walked over to where he was and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. She left saying ‘see you later’ grabbing her bag on the way out. Kirishima was frozen, probably looking like a tomato.

He called Mina, squealing on the phone about what happened with her. The next day he realized he’d have to see Uraraka and almost screamed into his pillow, thinking of what he was going to say. What the hell was he going to say?

Was he glowing? He felt like he was glowing. Bakugo seemed to scowl at him but maybe that was because he kept him up almost have the night. Once he got to work (after being stopped by a villian attack) he saw Uraraka. She was talking to Iida and Shinso. He walked over to them, getting a coffee while saying hello to everyone.

“I had fun last night Kiri” Shinso raised an eyebrow but Kirishima answered the question he didn’t actually say out loud.

“Yeah, we should really work out again sometime…. But before that you wanna go out with me to this new restaurant?” He grinned, hopeful.

“I would love too” He hugged her grinning, probably too much, waving at the other two before heading back to his office to excitedly text Mina.

#bakubitch writes #Kirichako #kirishima eijirou #uraraka ochako #Kirishima x Uraraka #pls reblog #umm i feel like there are more tags i wanna use but whatever

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swampgallows · 6 years

Text

therapy today went okay but i feel like i talked too much lmfao. i passed out around like 10pm and now im awake again and uhh hmmm ngngngghghhhmhm

also she asked me like “find out what you wanna get out of therapy and then we can set some goals” lmao i wanna GET FIXED

i dunno if i am actually mentally ill or if it’s just my mom/environment or if i’m neurodivergent somehow or if i need medication or whatever the fuck it is, i just know that it’s not normal to feel okay one day and then have some minor thing happen that catapults me into feeling suicidal. im doing better lately but that’s why i signed up for therapy NOW because i know when im feeling good i get this delusion of like “haha see i never needed it at all :)” and then some little fucking thing happens (or nothing happens) and suddenly i cant get out of bed for three days. i told her that i think it’s more than my environment because even when i was busy at work and even when i was busy and away from home in college i had extremely persistent and severe depression, got into several different overlapping abusive relationships, nearly failed my classes one semester, and then i got hit by a car, was in a wheelchair for 6 months, then had our car hit by a semi immediately afterward. it’s time for new glasses btw lmao as i am still wearing the same pair that got scratched to shit and annihilated in the accident. lmfao The Accident™

this is a pic of them from the night of the accident and the scratches have only gotten worse. id take a new pic but im in bed in the dark and whatever

the therapist seemed impressed with my psychology knowledge which was kind of discomforting, in a way. i guess im just so used to my own situation and people utilizing the internet to learn about their own head cases that i dont consider it novel to have actually done research. also because with my other experiences i felt like doctors would be dismissive of me as if i was trying to one-up them or something, like “well -I- have the degree and YOU dont” like, well yeah, im not sitting here trying to correct you but i am gonna use the terminology im familiar with even if theyre super special SAT words or w/e (like i’m gonna say shit like “comorbid” and “hypnagogic” because that’s the terminology i use all the time to describe these situations... i throw out “5 dollar words” all the time :\) but i think maybe by also having a video/verbal conversation w me that she knows i’m not sitting there meticulously typing up the most fancy schmancy shit i can find, flippin through a thesaurus like a blood elf nobleman vampire’s purple prose or somethin.

i guess what i wanna get out of therapy is uh

1. i dont want to be suicidal, which means 2. i have to build confidence, which means 3. i have to become self-reliant, or more self-reliant than i am.

she suggested, on the grounds of my mom giving me interrogation any time i try to go out on my own (hence me only feeling comfortable to go out when i fucking sneak out of the house or on the VERY rare occasions that she isn’t home) that i have a written list that i either give to her personally or write out and leave for her to read at her leisure of all the answers to her questions: where ive gone, when i’ll be back, what i’m doing, etc. the problem is coming home, though, because then she reads me the riot act of guilt on anything i did. if i go out and get food, it becomes about her. if i go out and do an errand, it becomes about her. everything i do somehow falls back on her.

i explained to the therapist that even when i was still working—a perfect chance to learn to drive and drive regularly—i took the bus the entire time. but i’d have to be driven TO the bus stop and then take the bus to work, which meant my mom drove me to the bus every day. and my dad would talk about how good it was for MY MOM to have a reason to get up in the morning, and that it’s good for her because it gives her a kind of schedule or obligation to follow. so then like... my schedule now becomes HER schedule. and i martyr my potential independence of driving to work on my own in order to give my mom a sense of purpose.

so...every day, mom picked me up from the bus stop, just like she had been for all the years i was in school. of course i never went out and did anything after (or before!) work; i never had the freedom. sure i could tell my mom partway through the day if i was staying late or going somewhere else, but my work was also in the middle of a canyon, five miles of nothing in either direction. if i missed the bus home, i wouldnt have another chance to go home for another hour. so having buses come only once an hour and then also having my mom waiting for me at the stop... it was just too much trouble to say like “hm i think i’ll go grab a smoothie before work” or “maybe i’ll hang with my coworkers a bit and go grab dinner with them” or “maybe i’ll start going to the gym after work”. i couldnt make any executive decisions about my own life. i think that restriction of freedom happens for lower income people too, since youre relying on a (notoriously shitty) bus service to get anywhere and you also cant just throw money around that often. i had a little slush fund to treat myself every so often but i didnt have the access to it.

EVERY day that i was 20 minutes away from the stop i would have to text my mom the name of the stop (imagine, if it were “maple street” or something, my entire text message history with my mom just being “maple” “k” “maple” “k” back and forth for months) in case she had fallen asleep or was doing something, as the bus would sometimes be late or early or whatever. and sometimes i would delay that text on purpose to have the extra time to buy something from one of the fast food places located at my bus stop, then hide it in the bottom of my bag and hope it wasn’t too aromatic that my mom would notice and ask me about it.

BECAUSE if i bought food on a day she made dinner, she would flagellate herself about it, and if i bought food on a day that she DIDNT make dinner she would flagellate herself about it. it’s HER FAULT because she doesn’t make food enough that i have to go buy my own :((((, so the one time she does cook i’m already getting food because she’s unreliable :((((, and shit like that, instead of like, just because there IS food doesn’t...mean anything!!!!! maybe i just wanted a certain kind of food that day!! But it becomes about her!!!! everything i do hurts her. everything i do. so i just got adjusted to just... not eating, or eating the same things over and over. eventually, when i was still working, i would eat nothing but a muffin until i came home. and if there was food, i would eat it, and if there wasn’t, then i wouldn’t eat. many nights i went to bed without eating even if there WAS food because i was just so fucking tired.

i dunno i kinda lost my train of thought but basically it’s hard to assert myself because i’m not confident because a lot of the time i dont know if im doing something right. it reminds me a lot of the scene in tangled where rapunzel fucks up and something bad happens to her and her mom catches her in the act, and she uses that to reinforce rapunzel’s dependence on her. like obviously my mom isn’t abusive like that but it makes me afraid to fail and even MORE afraid to even try, because i know that if i DO fail--whatever it is--it will just be more evidence for why i should have just asked her or had her do it. and more evidence, to me, of why im worthless and shitty and incapable of doing anything.

like the other day my mom wanted me to follow her in a separate car to a car place to drop off the car she was driving, and then we’d go home together in one car. but she wanted me to do it at 9 in the fucking morning and let me know two days beforehand. i had been going to BED at like 7am at the time so i was already like ‘man this is gonna suck’. but i was still up in the morning and was getting ready to take a shower, iw as on time, but my mom said “i can tell how tired you are and how nervous you are about doing this so you know what dont worry about it. go back to bed.” and it was really shitty for me because YEAH i was super tired and YEAH i didnt feel like i was capable of driving by myself at that moment, like i probably COULD HAVE if it were an emergency, but my mom talked about doing all this shit afterward like going on a shopping trip and stuff and BASICALLY it’s less that i was afraid of the driving but more that i knew the errand wouldn’t end there. and i had gotten zero sleep and just didnt wanna fucking do it, i didnt wanna have a “girl time :)” outing with my mom, and i knew i’d basically get trapped into hanging out with my mom if i went. so i stayed home. but then that’s also a blow to me because stupid fucking worthless idiot that i am cant even drive ten miles in a fucking car, or whatever, useless leech living with my parents contributing nothing, unemployed for a year, blah blah blah. stupid fucking neet should have never been born etc etc etc

she took an uber home and had glowing reviews about the experience and that’s great for her but the guilt made me throw up because i couldnt even do this minuscule thing. so like, if i DO hand her a note and say “here’s all the shit im going to do, BUH BYE” and some shit happens, or i dont get what i need done, or i dont have a fully developed plan of what i’m doing, then it’s gonna be more ammunition toward what a useless piece of shit i am. like, i dont have good food to eat at the house, but i also have NO APPETITE so nothing sounds good, so i cant even think of what foods i would get if i could. it’s such a jarring opportunity that i would just like...not get anything at all and go home. even when i -did- have the opportunity i just went “Uhh umm uhhh fuck uhhh milk” and got that (AND THEN MY MOM CAME HOME W 2 GALLONS OF MILK FROM COSTCO, SO OF COURSE I -DID SOMETHING WRONG-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I JUST LEFT IT UP TO HER INSTEAD OF DARING TO DO SOMETHING MYSELF I WOULDNT HAVE LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND ENDED UP WITH 3 GALLONS OF MILK AT THE HOUSE) of course i drank the milk i bought, it’s not like it went to waste, but i was CAUGHT because there were now THREE instead of the one gallon covertly getting replaced. instead of me doing something helpful i did something that became an inconvenience.

it’s just little shit but it all adds up. it’s been all of these little fucking things forever and ever and ever, just like my mom’s hoarded garbage. “i bought just a couple of things”, innumerable times throughout the duration of my entire life, forever and ever, “just a few small things” over and over until it’s suffocating. it’s just all this little shit all the fucking time and it’s suffocating.

naturally, the therapist sent me an article on “daughters of narcissistic mothers”. this will be a delight to read, i’m sure.

#blathering

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ethospathoslogan · 6 years

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Well what about friends that go to school with you? That's be fun to hang out with them again! Or some classes that you have fun in?

sneaky anon, u saw my post before i deleted it!!!

but

y e a h

abt,,, friends,,,, and everything else,,,

how do i put it

i go to a commuting school and i’m uhhhh actually really shit at making friends!!! and, listen, i’m not saying that i don’t have friends. i have two practical best friends from the swim team (we’re gonna ignore the fact that one of them is graduating this year). and i’m starting a club (i’ll get to that) so the three people that i’m starting it with are all super nice and i would consider one of them a friend.

and, like, with my two super close friends, i’m fine with bc i see them practically every day of the fall semester for swimming. so that’s fine. but with my other friends, i just get so super socially anxious going out with them? like, i was really socially anxious back in 8th/9th grade and i thought it just went away but turns out i just got comfortable with my old friend group and now all of them went away to college and i’m just here struggling to remember how to make friends and find the courage to go out with them omfg.

do you get what i’m saying??? idk if that made sense. basically, w/ the five friends i have (including two acquaintances), it’s very hard for me to go out with them bc i suddenly get super anxious. it’s easier with my two super close friends, bc we’re super close (as i’ve said), but even then there’s still this feeling of “oh my god what am i gonna say what are we gonna do what if they judge me”. and then with the others, i’m stuck in this “i want to be your friend and i want to be close but i feel like i’m low key drowning and i feel so awkward and i can’t help it”.

and then i’m taking 15 credits, which is the normal amount, but it doesn’t help with the fact that i am uhhhh dreading four out of five of my classes, and that one class that i am looking forward to is an online class (and my only english class) so i don’t even get a discussion. like, i’m taking two speech courses (ew x2), a math course (ew x1000), and an education class (idek if i really want to do education anymore) and i am dreading all of those. also, my education course requires 20 hrs of observation, so i have to fit that in. and then i’m taking a shakespeare course!!! with a professor that i love!!! except it’s an online course so i don’t even get the thrill of an in class discussion. also, it’s a 300 course and the professor, while i love her, is a tough grader.

and, idk if i’ve mentioned this, but i have held two 4.0s this year and, like, i know that it’s gonna drop and i also know i’m gonna have a complete absolute meltdown when it does bc my “””family bragging point””” has been that i have a 4.0 and am super smart and i feel super validated bc family members have legit called me to congratulate me on that and i :))) need that :))) bc i constantly feel :))) like i need to prove :))) my intelligence

and then i of course have swimming, which takes up 5/6 days of the week, two hours a day. except now i’ve heard that my coach wants us to do doubles, so i could end up swimming 4 hrs a day, five days a week, with either another practice on saturday or a swim meet. so not only do i have to work around that, i also have to make sure that i’m keeping my body healthy and getting sufficient rest, which hasn’t happened since uhhh december.

and then i have to figure out my work schedule. originally, i didn’t want to work night shifts bc they tire me out, except now it looks like those will be the only shifts i can take. and i need to work. i’m going to be 19yrs old, i can’t resort back to asking my parents for money like im 14 lmao. plus, i need money for my own lunches and simple pleasures and etc etc etc.

and then i’m starting a club with three of the five friends that i mentioned above. except, the thing is, i shouldn’t be starting a club with them. i have no time to do anything already. and now i am most likely going to be having to find ways to fit in club meetings and events while also working around work, sports, and observations. and i’m the secretary, which i thought was gonna be the easier position, except it turns out that i basically keep track of what everyone is doing at all times and i help hold the club together. so, if something goes wrong, it’s my fault. (:

the club is probably gonna be fine once i start, maybe, but i also love pessimism and it seems like, next semester, i’m gonna be one breath away from freaking out at all times bc i am so easily stressed it’s not even funny (it’s not, my hypochondria makes me worry abt it, but we’re not gonna talk abt that rn).

so, yeah, everything is a lot rn omg

basically, i am mourning the lose of my sanity and mental state bc things are gonna go to shit when september starts.

and, who knows, maybe i’m just freaking out!!! maybe i’m wrong and everything is gonna be fine. but let’s just map out a written out schedule

monday: classes straight through from 8am-12pm. swimming times- ???, work times-???

tuesday: this will have to be a day i do observations. online class. math class at 5pm. swimming times-???, work times-???

wednesday:classes straight through from 8am-12pm. swimming times- ???, work times-???

thursday: this will have to be a day i do observations. online class. math class at 5pm. swimming times-???, work times-???

friday: no classes, swim times-???, work times-???

*club meetings are either every other tuesday or every other thursday, will most likely conflict with swim

**i am not working five days a week, but i don’t even know what days i am working/can work in the first place

so, basically, to sum up this overextended ask, i feel my heart rate increase and my life span decline every time i think of fall semester. i am bad at making friends and basically will have no free time to do anything, so let’s hope this blog doesn’t suddenly run dry come september!!! ahaha!!!

#i am stuck on the line between mental breakdown and apathy #answered #personal #Anonymous

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fuck-customers · 7 years

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im kinda concerned about the attitude towards breaks at my new job. the only true breaks they give are lunches and you have to be scheduled 7+ hours to get one, otherwise you dont 'technically' have a break? i asked about it on my first day and the manager said breaks are more of a 'courtesy'???? i tire out fast so ive been asking every shift and while they havent denied me one yet (aside from shortening one) they always sound like its a burden on them? i live in florida btw

State Lunch and Break Law Governing FloridaPosted on April 6, 2016 bySarahRecently, I’ve been reviewing the laws related to lunches, breaks and other work hour issues. I think it is interesting to note that Florida does not have any laws on the books specifically related to this area, except those pertaining to minors. Florida law requires that minors under age 18 must be given an uninterrupted meal or rest period of at least 30 minutes for each four hours they have continuously worked.Although Florida does not have a lunch and break law for those persons 18 and over, there are applicable federal rules for Florida citizens. While Federal Law does not mandate specific breaks or meal periods, it does give guidance as to whether or not an employee should be paid during these times. Short breaks are usually 20 minutes or less, and should be counted as hours worked. Genuine “meal periods” are usually 30 minutes or more, and do not need to be compensated as work time. For this to be the case, however, the worker must be completely relieved of his or her duties during the meal break. If the employee is still required to do any duties (even minor duties such as answering a phone), it can’t be considered a meal or lunch period and must be paid.Federal law also contains other provisions related to employee pay during times of waiting, sleeping and traveling. Whether or not waiting time needs to be considered paid work hours depends on the situation. If an employee is allowed to do something of his or her choosing while waiting for another task to be finished or while waiting at the workplace for his or her services to be called upon, it is generally considered work time. On the other hand, if an employee is waiting to be called upon, but has great freedom to do what he or she wishes while on call (and has plenty of time to respond to the call), it is not generally considered paid work time.When it comes to sleeping time, employees required to be on duty less than 24 hours is considered to be “working” even if he or she is permitted to sleep during some of those hours when not busy. If an employee is on duty more than 24 hours, a sleeping period of no more than eight hours may be deducted from work hours. However, this can only be done if sleeping quarters are provided and at least five hours of uninterrupted sleep may be achieved by the employee.Finally, another issue I find comes up in the area of work hours is the issue of travel time. The general rule of thumb is that time spent in the normal day’s commute to and from work is not considered paid working time. However, if an employee is traveling in the course of a days work, it must be considered paid work time.Complete information on the laws related to lunches, breaks and other pertinent labor issues can be found on the Florida All in One Labor Law Poster. This poster offers all the required postings for both federal and state labor laws.https://www.laborlawcenter.com/education-center/florida-lunch-and-break-law/-Rodney

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aceofaces20 · 7 years

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What would be a valid thing to submit as evidence for adhd? I feel like my teachers never noticed anything, all it ever says on my report is 'quiet', and im in the uk and you need school reports for diagnosis, and i feel like i wont be taken seriously cos they dont say 'bouncing off the walls' or something

I feel you, nonny. I wasn’t diagnosed until college because I was just “quiet.”

Odds are, if a lot of the symptoms add up enough to make you SUSPECT you have ADHD, you probably have it. But more research is always good!

So like many things, ADHD is a spectrum. The two ends of it are Inattentive to Hyperactive- and then you have people like me, in the middle, with the Combined version. Some people have more Inattentive than Hyperactive, some have more Hyperactive than Inattentive. Everyone who has ADHD experiences the symptoms a little differently.

You can find about six thousand symptoms lists online, but here I’ll tell you things that usually don’t end up on those lists that my therapist told me a lot of her patients ended up experiencing aside from listed symptoms.

(Note: Initially I tried to keep these short. Yeah, that didn’t work. I bolded the important parts.)

1. Insomnia, or at least a super screwy sleep schedule. No joke, this can be super detrimental and will only serve to exacerbate your symptoms. “Just set a sleep schedule!! You’ll feel better!” they all say- Thanks Barbara if I had any control over when my brain chooses to sleep at all I wouldn’t have this issue, ok?

-a solution to this is to, in all actuality, condition yourself. Start ONLY using your bed for sleep. Get a little chair or something in your room if you’re also a hermit like I was growing up (mushroom chairs are gr9) and once you get out of bed, don’t let yourself get back on it for more than a few minutes unless you’re going to sleep.

Some nights it’s not enough, but in general for me personally this has been an actual lifesaver- I can go from being not tired to exhausted at the drop of a hat in normal life anyway (another symptom they don’t usually tell you about) so it’s nice to be able to make it work for me for once- I get into bed, maybe spend 30 minutes restless and then I’m out.

2. On the subject of sleep. You kids ever heard of the sleep of the dead? Because guess what, I have ignored literal fire alarms in dorms because of it. About 1-2 hours into my sleep I enter a state akin to a bear hibernating. I have slept through wake-up alarms, slept through emergency alerts, slept through FIRE alarms, slept though friends and family attempting to wake me… you get the picture.

3. On the note of the hibernating bear. You constantly wake up angry (or at least disgruntled) at the universe and take a really, really long time to power on. No, I’m not talking “a case of the mornings.” I’m talking it takes me until noon some days to actually feel somewhat alert. I’m talking feeling nothing but seething rage at anyone who tries to engage you in higher brain function before you’re fully awake.-the seething rage is more personal to me, but, every single last one of my friends who’s ADHD has issues getting up in the morning. There’s hating mornings, and then there’s hating mornings.

4. About mornings. You’re constantly late to anything in the morning because you just couldn’t “get going.” i.e., you knew and 100% wanted to get up and get moving but your brain said “nah, let’s just sit here on tumblr mobile for a while k?”-it’s very difficult to describe this part of executive dysfunction with words, because it comes off as laziness to a lot of neurotypicals. It’s not laziness. It’s having the motivation and and will and the drive to do something and not forgetting about it and it still doesn’t get done.

“Why didn’t you do x?” they’ll ask. And you just sit there thinking shit, you meant to, really, honest to god meant to, it was on your brain to do and yet all you could actually do that day was sit around and watch terrible TV. And then you feel terrible because YOU think you’re lazy.It’s not laziness. It’s executive dysfunction.

5. Another not so well known EXDYF fact: Mental math or memorization for you will always be the literal bane of your existence. Teachers always told me I was a “smart kid” in school (I am, but not the point) and then they’d wonder why I couldn’t memorize a five line poem.

Or I’d start off with a 60 on a math test, until my teacher would comb through my work by hand (only useful math teacher I ever had in high school tbh) and I’d end up with a 92 because nearly all of my mistakes involved basic arithmetic errors. Even though I was able to use a calculator on the test.

(One time I decided 21-19=14. To this day 8 years later I still do not know from what abyss my brain pulled that info from.)

“You’re smart! Just focus!” I can’t choose what my brain decides to focus on that easily, Sharon, not without a lot of crying and panicking.

6. But wait! You say. I have really obscure information from a fandom that I can infodump on someone at a moment’s notice! Surely that means I’m just Lazy and Unmotivated, right? I guess I just can’t be bothered to memorize the important stuff.

*Loud buzzer noise* Stop right there. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

I will take you by the shoulders and look deep into your eyes and make you realize that guess what? If you have an ADHD brain, you have NO control over telling your brain what is important and what is not. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Your brain decides, and you usually get no say in the matter.

This sounds bad, I know. And in terms of school, birthdays, appointments, it’s terrible. But you’re not helpless. It sounds trite, but, get a good goddamn calendar app on your phone and use the hell out of it for appointments and birthdays. And for school? Find those fandoms and use mnemonics. No, seriously.

7. Also on school: You procrastinate the hell out of everything. And I’m not talking normal “haha I’ll do it later!” procrastination. I’m talking serious, problematic, REPEATED “why the fuck can’t I just do it on time like a normal person” procrastination where you start blaming yourself for not doing it sooner like a neurotypical.

Listen, buddy ol’ pal (or however that goes), you’re not neurotypical. But listen- there’s actually a medical reason why you do this.

So everyone’s brains have reward systems, right? Your brain gives you the feel good when you do something you think you should. And later, a brain remembers that it got the feel good for doing the thingy thing.

In a brain with ADHD, that reward system malfunctions. Sometimes critically. Your brain chucks so much stuff it deems “unnecessary” out the window it chucked out that feel good you got when you turned in that homework on time, or cleaned out your car, or did some pilates for 30 minutes.

8. You want to know what doesn’t help with number 7 there? Another thing that won’t show up on symptom lists but that virtually everyone I know with ADHD (quite a few, actually. Turns out we hang out in packs because we’re usually the only people who can understand each other) about ADHD is how daunting large tasks or projects seem to an ADHDer.

So listen, more medical talk here. Remember that EXDYF thing? Yeah, this is part of that.

EXDYF makes it very, very hard (almost impossible, sometimes) to break down large tasks into smaller, more feasible tasks. You get nervous the longer you put off that paper (“this isn’t something you can spit out overnight!”) You’ve been sitting in front of your computer for hours, and the only word you have written down is “The”.

Honestly, I’m not sure why it’s actually super hard to break down large undertakings into smaller tasks for the ADHD brain. But! Solution.

-if you’re having a problem breaking down ANY sort of task, I promise there’s someone else who’s done it online.

Need to write a paper? Use a template. Need to clean out your car? Find a checklist, or have a friend make you one (cause Lord knows I can’t make one on my own). Need to make a presentation? Find a sample one online. Hell, this even works for taxes. (Gasp!)

Do NOT be afraid to ask for help with even personal large undertakings. If your friends are actually your friends, then they’ll relish the chance. Especially when you can turn around and blaze through a quarter of the important project you two (or however many) have due next week in four hours because of hyperfocus.

9. So, your focus. Totally trash, right? That is, until you hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus, to a neurotypical, probably sounds great. Tune out all distractions and get shit done, right?

Sure, Linda, if you can call being able to ignore things like the need to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom “tuning out distractions.” Time becomes a literal illusion. And damn do you pay for it later by your brain not wanting to do anything at all.

On the flip side, this is why ADHD people make fantastic emergency workers like EMTs and firepeople. If you learn what to do with adrenaline when you start feeling it, you feel like you could punch Satan himself when you’re riding an adrenaline+hyperfocus high. Combine that with the fast-paced, unexpected nature of such jobs and and you have a happy ADHD brain because it’s never bored.

10. Because boredom feels like death. No, Cheryl, I’m not being overdramatic. Yes, Becky, I recognize everyone has to deal with boredom.

A neurotypical’s boredom and an ADHDer’s boredom are two very different levels of boredom. Ever heard the phrase “bored to tears”? Now imagine every time you get even a little bored, it’s like this.

And of course, the ADHD hell brain remembers the bad feels of being bored but can’t recall how nice it was to remember all of the answers on a quiz that one time you paid attention in class.This is why I have the worst problems doing homework and housework, or in general anything with serious repetition (exercise, cooking, driving, tidying up etc.). I can do it for maybe 10-15 minutes, and then my brain’s like “k I’m good. Next source of input please?” like, brain, I’m only like 3 feet into washing the kitchen floor. P l s.

11. Speaking of tears. Has rejection by someone you value ever felt like you wanted to quit existing on the spot, or at the very least wanted to move to an ice cave in Greenland and cry for the rest of your life? Even if the rejection was just perceived rejection and your friend was just expressing grumpiness at something else?

Even if your logic says “they didn’t reject you calm down you’re overreacting?”

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It’s a newer term, but honestly, once I found out about my own ADHD and this bitch of a symptom a loooooooot of my weird habits started making a lot of sense in my head.

It doesn’t have to be actual “rejection”. It can get set off from stuff like awkwardness (hence my personal resistance to making Adult Phone Calls) to disbelief (a huge, huge reason so many people go undiagnosed), to personal judgment and/or criticisms (oh, ok… I guess I’ll never mention my love for X ever again) to even just indifference (no one noticed I mopped all the floors in the house… guess I’ll just go die!).

Basically, if you perceive that someone you care about has dismissed you in some fashion, you literally just want to quit existing. On the spot. Because the feeling of it makes you feel sick, your chest gets tight, you can feel it in your hands, and it makes the rest of your day miserable.This variant is more likely with people you care about, but can definitely 100% happen with strangers too.

Another variant is this: if you perceive that someone (whether you care about them or not) has dismissed you in some fashion, your first instinct is to attempt to disregard and discard them completely. It usually doesn’t work like you want it to.

I’m pretty sure this is another reason why ADHD people hang out in packs. We always have a line in our head we’re terrified to cross with our friends. It makes us seem like we’re emotionally unavailable- but in reality we’re just terrified of being dismissed by our friends for showing our true geeky, infodumping, hyperfixating selves.

(Listen. If a friend mocks you for your true self they weren’t your friend in the first place.)

12. But in terms of crossing that line… Social cues? What are social cues?

Normal people can infer a lot from body language. With a lot of ADHD people, we tend not to notice. Or we notice too much and overanalyze. There’s no in between.

On a side note, your best bet for flirting successfully with an ADHDer is to just come out and say it. (Talk like an elcor. “Flirtatiously: I want to hear more.” or whatever innocent phrase it is you’re using to flirt. If they’re into Mass Effect, this will make them laugh, which means bonus points for you in their eyes.)But seriously, unless you’re making obviously romantic overtures we’re usually pretty sure you’re just being nice.

Back on topic: lack of social ability is a massive, massive reason people with ADHD are usually bullied growing up. If there aren’t any other ADHD people around, it usually feels like no one “gets” you. I was bullied horribly enough during junior high and high school to the point where I still have to repress the urge to automatically assume someone being nice to me means they’re plotting something behind my back. (Didn’t help that my hs was basically the Korriban Sith academy without most of the death. Culty, religious, nepotism ran rampant.)

13. Woe betide thee who angers the ADHD. It's not a problem with everyone, but... We’re like volcanoes. Awe-inspiring to watch in action, but God help you if we explode in your direction. And if it’s righteous anger there is almost literally no stopping us.

Anger has its uses. Our problem is that, like a volcano, we always have a lot simmering under the surface. We tend to hold onto it for ridiculous amounts of time until one day, boom. Yeah, I know, Kathy, that happens with everyone. Delayed gratification and all. The difference with ADHDers is that we usually don’t wait.

ADHDers’ anger will come out initially, because we can’t suppress it. We’re impulsive as fuck. We don’t think before we leap (our brains probably wouldn’t let us anyway). And it will seem like we are flying off the handle for no reason whatsoever. But we also have a tendency to unhealthily hold onto it afterwards even once the initial burst has happened. It’s like a (bad!) positive feedback loop.

14. Gotta bounce the leg. Gotta rock. Gotta fidget. Shit, I’m sorry, were you talking?

So one time I made it through 40 minutes of a math class actively suppressing the urge to bounce my leg… and then my leg twitched of its own accord. Freaky as shit, 0/10 recommend.

Sitting still is physically impossible for me, and for a lot of ADHDers. Lack of impulse control + lack of social cue knowledge + lack of ability to decide what’s important to our brains = Fidget fidget. Fidget fidget. Twitch. Fiddle with paper. Hey, my backpack has a fun texture by the zipper. Oh my God, that lady on the TV is wearing the best shade of blue ever! I wonder where she got it. Shit, I need to go shopping. Wait, why did I need to go shopping again?

“Hey I asked you what you got for number 7.”

Fuck.

15. Depressive episodes. For me, these usually happen after a major hyperfocus where I taxed my brain for all it was worth, especially for long periods of time.

If it lasts for a long time or starts seriously affecting your life, get it checked out. If your doctor gives a damn they’ll be happy you came in to get it checked, even if it was the wrong diagnosis, because if it had been then at least they were there to help you. And they’ll always be happy to sit down and figure out what’s wrong. I know they have to watch out for hypochondriacs and whatnot. But if a doctor really cares about helping people they’ll listen when you say something’s wrong, because they know that you’re the one in your skin, not them. Which means if you really think something might be wrong, something probably is.

More evidence: justexecutivedysfunctionthings here on tumblr. Contains people’s experiences with EXDYF, which is a huge red flag for ADHD.

The Wikipedia article on the subject. There’s a nicely organized chart. (Or at least there was when I looked at it.) Remember, you don’t have to identify with all of the symptoms to be ADHD. Even if you only identify with a few, if they’re significant enough that they are seriously impacting your life and existence, it’s worth getting checked out.

I may add more to this later/change some stuff as my memory allows.

#long post #adhd #asks

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acomplexjourney · 5 years

Text

Residency begins

I have now completed the first six weeks of my family medicine residency and am happy to report that everything is so far, so good. I survived four weeks of internal medicine, two weeks of family medicine, and am now fortunate to get a breather with two weeks of vacation. Here’s a snapshot of the beginning of my residency:

Internal Medicine

My first rotation was internal medicine, which consisted of caring for adults in the hospital. There was one attending physician, two residents, and two medical students on the teaching service. As a first-year resident, I had a cap of five patients for whom I was responsible. Surprisingly, I met that cap for most of the month of July. I had no idea that so many cases of pneumonia occurred during the summer. Here is what a typical day looked like for me:

4:30 AM- wake up

5:30 AM- arrive at hospital, pre-round on my patients, pick up new patients

7 AM- rounds with the attending physician

9 AM- work on progress notes

10:45 AM- daily safety check

11 AM- finish notes, update patient census summaries, order morning labs

12 PMish- lunch (you eat when you can on IM, there are no scheduled breaks)

1 PMish- admissions from the ER start (again, not a defined time)

6 PMish- sign out to night resident, go directly to gym

7 PM- dinner, watch Scrubs

8 PM- catch up on email, get ready for next day

9 PM- sleep

Repeat x5

I learned a lot, but it was a pretty exhausting month. The attending hospitalist physicians worked seven 12-hour shifts in a row, and then got seven days off. The residents worked six 12-hour shifts in a row and then got one day off. The only silver lining of the intense IM schedule at my program is that there are only a handful of weekends I am on-call for the rest of the year. When you’re on IM, you just accept that you have no life outside the hospital for a month.

Sundays were the worst, because I was the only resident in the hospital with the attending physician. I was still only expected to see five patients, but what made it tough was that after rounds, EVERYTHING went to me. Questions from the nurses, outpatient calls, new admissions, etc. There was one Sunday I almost lost it. I was behind on my progress notes and trying to finish up documenting an outpatient call. Then, I had to stop to answer another outpatient call and as I was on the phone, two nurses walked up to my desk. The moment I hung up the phone, one asked if I could change a medication order for one patient. The other informed me that the Bair Hugger I had ordered for another patient because he was hypothermic could only be used in the operating room and I had to order a different warming blanket instead. I almost got up and screamed in my low, monotone voice, but instead I took a deep breath and informed the nurses that I was busy at the moment, but would take care of their requests soon.

Now, don’t get me wrong. The nurses at my hospital are actually awesome and some days they are busier than the doctors I think. There were just times that I felt overwhelmed, which is normal for anyone who is new to a job I think. I was lucky to have many people watching my back at least, including my awesome senior resident who never minded when I inundated him with questions, clinical pharmacists who double-checked all of the residents’ medication orders (which is a super good idea), and attending physicians who literally did my work for me at times when I got behind, so I wasn’t behind anymore. It was a challenging month, but I do feel like I learned a lot and it could have been a lot worse. Hey, only five more blocks of IM to go!

Advice for other residents: although it is tempting to sleep all day and do laundry on your one-day off a week, try to get out of the house and do something fun! ¾ of my Saturdays off, I visited family in Rochester and the other Saturday, I went to a pool party hosted by one of the attending physicians.

Family Medicine

After four weeks of 70+ hour weeks on IM, I thought I was going to get two less-stressful weeks of outpatient family medicine, but that was not the case. It turned out that the attending physician I was working with was also covering a drug rehab facility during that time because the other doctor was on vacation. That meant that I was also covering the drug rehab facility, which was not fun to say the least. The patients I met there were often manipulative and it was really hard to say whether many of them would ever get better. I guess every physician deals with this in his/her own way, but for me it was helpful to simply remember that if Jesus returned to Earth today, those addicted to drugs and alcohol would be among the first he would go to I believe.

I have also started to see my own patients in the resident clinic and that HAS been fun. I have already had 22 of my own patient visits, which is pretty terrifying and cool at the same time. I did not do very well with my very first clinic patient. Even though I had seen lots of patients in the clinic as a medical student, there was something very different about introducing myself as “Dr. Brach” and knowing that I was now in charge of this patient’s care. Of course, it did not help that my first patient presented for “anxiety” and I was pretty nervous too. There were a lot of awkward pauses as we talked and I felt like the patient left the office more anxious than when she came in. I did successfully refill her anxiety medication for another 30 days though, so we’ll see if she returns. Since then, I have become more confident with seeing my own clinic patients, but am now struggling with time. It’s difficult to see a patient on your own, present them to your attending physician, and then go back in with your attending physician to wrap up the visit, all within 30 minutes. And that will eventually become 15 minutes when I am a third-year resident! Still, I am hopeful that I will become more efficient as time goes on in a way that does not compromise patient care.

That’s all for now. Stay tuned next week for a post about avoiding burnout.

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