yeah so…i’m not getting invested in the celtics.
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There's some kind of connecting thread - and I can't quite articulate what it is - between Laudna's reaction to Bor'dor's betrayal, her reaction to Ashton taking the fire shard, and Orym carrying Otohan's sword.
In all three situations, someone deeply, deeply hurt did something that was grounded in their personal grief. And in all three cases, Laudna's reaction was of extreme, personal betrayal. (This isn't critical of Laudna, btw; she's a fascinating character and I think Marisha is doing an incredible job of leaning into the reality of how trauma can make you act in heightened, messy ways that are very difficult for everyone around you.)
Everyone was hurt and shaken by what happened with Bor'dor and Ashton, and understandably so, but I think it's telling that Laudna phrased both events as, specifically, a betrayal. 'I can't be betrayed again,' as she drains the life from Bor'dor (as opposed to, say, Orym's attitude toward killing Bor'dor, which was less 'we need to kill him because he betrayed us' and more 'this is a grim necessity, because we are at war.') Ashton does something incredibly ill-judged, and Laudna's interepretation of it is 'they betrayed us.'
Orym takes Otohan's sword, and Laudna sees it, again, as a personal affront. She challenges him for having the audacity to carry it. The sword killed her. (It also killed half the people in the room, including Orym.)
Something... something about how Laudna saw Ashton trying to absorb a powerful magical artefact because he'd convinced himself it was the right thing to do, and felt so injured that she ran into the forest for a night. Something about how Laudna tried to absorb a magical artefact because she'd convinced herself that it was the right thing to do, and felt injured by Orym's defiance.
I don't have a clear point here; Laudna isn't a character I've studied as closely as some others (and I would very much appreciate anyone who has been analysing her more deeply offering any input!) But one thought I had is this: Laudna once said that the worst thing that could have happened to her has already happened. And I think maybe Laudna sees what happened to her as the worst thing that could happen to anyone. It seems hard for her to understand how much the actions of those around her - be it Bor'dor being radicalised, Ashton going about their attempt to understand themself in entirely the wrong way, Orym trying to reclaim a painful piece of his past and turn it into a promise - can be rooted in a pain that might be equal to her own.
Of course, it's hard to tell how much of it is Laudna at this point and how much is Delilah, but... honestly, it is such a bold choice for Marisha to do this. Because this is what trauma does. It makes things feel personal that might not be directed at you at all. It makes your grief into an enormous monolith that towers over your life, and can overshadow, in your head, anyone else's. It makes you want to protect yourself in every way possible when a flicker of it occurs again.
And... I think it's another sign of how much Delilah is taking from Laudna. Because who in this story has been fixated on their own grief and loss, to the point of ignoring the pain they cause in their attempt to fix that loss at any cost, than Delilah Briarwood?
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This stomach pain is really eating me up. I hope the colonoscopy will shed light on things but the prep is making me shaky and weak (add it to the list of things making me sweat). I know there's the element of spirit where my sense of self is growing. When I think of my old names I feel the pain there. I'm healing thru it. It hurts. I know the stress from caring for mom makes it worse. I know the fear of thinly veiled threats. There's so much I need to do. I have plans. But most importantl, I need to lie down and try to rest so that the flare doesnt get worse.
I have $50 worth of bills each month. trying to secure meals (I have low mobility/energy when I have a flare so I need to order delivery), and I'm also trying to save for travel to a safer place $500
So far I've only raised $3 but it def helped.
If you have the spoons to boost it or the funds to support me with my basic needs and help me afford to live.
Cashapp $femmeboigarfielf
Venmo: garfgodot
Ko-fi.com/cosmickarike (credit cards/PayPal)
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Sangcheng week Day 2 - Music
Even with all the effort that Nie-zongzhu put into not cultivating properly with the Nie sabers, he still starts suffering from Qi deviations just like his predecessors, due to accumulated heart demons from the past decade. He vehemently refuses to be treated with the song of clarity for the longest time and only finally relents when he is promised to be held through it and kept safe by his beloved.
(this time i went with the live-action flavour because i never tried that before and it was pretty fun change actually haha)
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i had a dream about Klaus and Five fighting then five brought up Klaus being a junkie and thennnnn
Klaus brought up how Five is the reason every bad thing has happened to him. five LITERALLY did it to himself.
nobody pushed him out the door to go attempt to jump into the future infact everyone tried to stop him because they called after him.
five literally made his life the way it is because he's a stubborn bitch who thought he knew better
i woke up @ 4am after this dream and haven't slept since
also he called Klaus a junkie who has no idea what it's like being alone but Klaus literally was on the streets for like 12 years so he probably understands better than anyone
cause five and Klaus both probably had no food and had to eat out of dumpsters and do things they absolutely didn't want to do in order to survive
dream verse has it out for me honestly
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