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binniesthighs · 4 years

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hello stranger | reader x changbin |

a/n: we are getting to the “height” of the conflict, therefore the angst is gonna start amping up-just as a reminder! This fic talks about self worth and healing from past trauma so please read what makes you comfy! In this chapter, the majority is implied, but still, please read the warnings ahead of time :)

Part 4

Pairing: self insert, female reader x seo changbin, female reader x han jisung

Genre: strangers to lovers, fluff, smut, angst

Tags: (of this part) college au, rapper!changbin, rapper!jisung, establishedfwb!jisung, artist!reader, explicit language, fluffy growing feelings, mentions of food, hello yes I just wanna give this changbin a huuuuge hug

CWs: implications/discussion of past toxic realtionship, implications of negative self-worth and self-sabotage

Word count: 4.8k

Chapters:

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5

Popcorn flew into the air in slow motion and approximately four hundred multicolored skittles scattered the floor like the shattering of glass.

“Yes...yes...FUCK YES!!”

Felix launched his small body into the air with a victorious screech, turning his controller into a projectile. The clump of black plastic thumped into the torn up corduroy couch missing Chan’s arm by millimeters.

“HOW TO YOU LIKE THAT?? WOOOO!!”

Your friend took a victory lap around the tiny living room that was a mess of winter coats and boots with melted snow dripping to the hardwood floor.

“Felixxxxx, you made a mess!” Chan sighed out deeply and solemnly at the array of rainbow colored candies on the floor.

“I never win. You gotta admit the way that I finished that off was extra disrespectful. DID YOU SEE the way that I down-B’d you to pieces??? That was fuckin’ awesome.”

“Good job ‘lix.” You pulled a Twizzler by your teeth and dished out a little wink for him.

“Hey! I haven’t been playing for nearly as long as you two have. I see this as a complete win.”

“Well, Chan and I were at each others throats the whole time, so, we kinda killed ourselves off for you.”

“I still won!!”

“Alright, alright, good job.” Both you and Chan took turns patting his poofy blond hair.

“Ahhh our Lix’ is finally growing up.” Chan sighed, mockingly looking out in the distance to some far away place. “But...now you’ve gotta clean this up. Lucky you’re the one that paid for the Skittles, not me.”

In his fit of happiness Felix didn’t even care about getting down on his hands and knees to pick up the pieces like Cinderella.

Chan took a gulp of his electric green Monster. “Feels nice to have you back around here Y/n. It feels like it’s kind of been a while.”

“Mm, it has. You know how it goes, stuff gets busy and all that.”

“~And she’s been hanging out with someone else~” Felix’s words came out in a cutesy little song.

“You have?”

You slapped Felix right upside the head to which he whimpered out with a much more dramatic “owww” than was warranted.

It was likely a mistake that the two of you had kept Changbin a secret from Chan. Chan basically idolized him, and you felt that it was best not to...complicate things. Every other hour Chan would bring up one of Changbin’s songs, talking about him as if he was some kind of lyrical genius. He had half a plan to meet him at the last show, but had gotten too shy and pulled you both before he could get second thoughts.

For it to be so easy for you...it felt somehow unfair.

It was definitely a mistake.

“Who? Jisung?” Chan rolled his eyes a bit like he always would when spoke of that boy.

“No...” Your voice became small, then you shot deathly glares at Felix who tucked his tail in between his legs.

“Chan...”

Felix’s eyes widened to full moons once he had realized what you were about to do. You curled yourself up into a ball slightly, sweaty hands grasping at your controller.

“Its...Changbin.”

“CHANGBIN?” Chan shot upright from his seat. “Changbin?? Are we talking about the same Changbin?? Changbin-from-the-show-Changbin??”

“Yes.” You steadied your thumping chest.

“When did that happen??” Chan turned his body towards Felix who cowered into the mess of Skittles. “Did you know about this?”

Felix made a little grunt that could have sounded like either a “yes” or a “no”-- it was likely his safest bet.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew it would be kinda...like this...”

Your eldest friend sat back down his his palm firmly slapped against his forehead. “Sorry, I’m just having a hard time piecing this all together.”

“It happened after the show that one day. I was walking home and I fell and got kind of scraped up, then he took me back to his place...”

Simply bringing that night back up again sent you spinning into your pool of memories: and they had a particular tendency to make you just as flustered as the night when they had first occurred. There were dozens of little things about him that had stuck with you, even if you wouldn’t admit it out loud.

There was that stupidly confident smirk of his, that little scar on his chin, how his fingers looked in those silver rings, his hooded grey-black eyes, those faint little stretch marks on the backs of his arms, and the way that his Adam’s apple would bounce when you kissed into his neck.

“Well? Chan’s voice snapped you back. “Does that mean...you aren’t seeing Jisung anymore?”

“...Jisung?”

His name hadn’t occupied your thoughts for weeks, and you hadn’t taken much notice of it. There were unread text messages from him that had fallen to the bottom of you message list, and missed calls that you hadn’t returned. Creeping inside of you was a sick and sticky feeling: the kind that you pushed deep down inside yourself to the place where things would get forgotten.

You didn’t know what you wanted from Jisung.

It wasn’t the way that he would kiss you roughly and needily, or how he would take greedy hands to every inch of your body. It wasn’t how he would fill praises into your ears or shake a little when he would finish himself off on your belly. Months ago, it would be all you could think of, then immediately forget after it had happened. That was what made it easy.

Changbin wasn’t easy. He wouldn’t give himself up entirely to you just because he could. He made you earn him, and he made you seek him.

You belonged to neither of them.

In your lap, your hands trembled with a memory of long ago: snowflakes in your hands burning with the cold and your throat scratched from all the yelling.

“Y/n?” Chan softened.

A sob had caught in your throat which you swallowed down with effort. “I-I’m still seeing Jisung.”

“Wait, you’re seeing both of them?” Felix popped up from the floor. “You didn’t tell either of them?”

“I don’t need to. I’m not tied down to either of them.” You had said it as confidently as you could, almost like you needed to convince yourself.

Both of your best friends eyes carefully held yours.

“Doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tell them.” Felix nodded.

Chan nodded too in agreeance.

“But we’re just fucking around?? Its not like I’m cheating on anyone.”

“Y/n, you’re missing the point.”

“What? Don’t I have the right to sleep with whoever the hell I want to? Don’t you think that it’s kind of backwards that I should keep everyone in the loop when I’m just--why would I--”

Chan’s hand snuck over to yours which had started shaking even more violently on your leg; you hadn’t even noticed. The sobs that you had held in your chest started to overflow, bubbling and spewing from your surface. They felt choked in your throat, and then burned hot tears in your eyes. Both of your friends got to work, scooting in right next to you and sandwiching you between their arms.

“You don't have to be afraid.” Felix whispered softly. He smoothed his hand down your back.

“I-I’m not.” You clenched the words between your teeth. “Why-why are you guys drilling me like this??” You squirmed a bit between them.

Chan hushed, “We’re not.”

“Then why does it feel--”

“--You're doing it again.” Felix simply sighed, and rocked the three of your bodies to the tune of your messy sobs.

Chan let out little “shhh” sounds. “Stop digging yourself in that hole Y/n. You know that you’re doing it. Its more than just messing around.”

A tangible and thick silence held the air where your two closest friends held onto you tightly, almost like you would slip away. You fucking hated them for reading you as well as they did, but you also fucking loved them for being as good at it as they were. Being sandwiched like this with them was all too familiar. They had also done it on that same night: the night when your world had collapsed. That night you had been so weak you could barely hold back.

“It’s not gonna happen again.” Chan said at last. “I know that you must think about it all the time, and I’m so sorry that you do. You’re never gonna be stuck in that alley alone again.”

Felix quickly added, “We’ll be there--even if it does--which it won’t.”

“Stop dragging yourself through it okay? I know it’s easier said than done.” Chan took his black sweater sleeve to dab at your tears.

You were completely engulfed in your friends love, the unconditional kind: the kind that would part the seas and walk through flames for you. You don’t know how you could have forgotten how it had been there.

“Maybe its one of them or the other, but, I think you should tell them. You don’t deserve to tear yourself up like this over it all. It’s not good for you, or for them.” Felix laughed a little. “We’re not blind you know.”

Fat, thick sniffles clogged up your nose. Your subconscious and consciousness mudded behind your eyes and those memories of both boys: Changbin and Jisung became indistinguishable. You had sought them out for different reasons, but you hadn’t known why. Now, it was all becoming clearer.

“You like him don’t you?” Felix took his turn dabbing at your eyes too. “I can tell.”

“N-no...”

Felix didn’t even need to say who “he” was for you to understand.

“No?”

“I just...go see him sometimes.”

You would. You would see him, think of him, call all the little things about him to your memory: that scar on his chin and the faint stretch marks on his arms.

Snot dripped down your nose and over your quivering lips and you didn’t even care.

That voice rang in your ears just as you had remembered it on that night when he had dragged you out there, alone, furious. You didn’t even know what you had done wrong.

"I don’t want it to happen again.”

The words tore from your lips freely, finally. The fear that you had held so deep inside, the fear that would plague your every other thought. The fear that kept you from answering questions or giving answers. The fear that brought your feet to Jisung’s doorstep and the fear that kissed away words on Changbin’s lips. A massive weight like heavy metal chains that had wrapped around your body started to loosen.

“How are you going to let yourself have a chance at something good if you don’t try, right?” Chan and Felix exchanged hopeful little smiles.

Felix patted your hair to fix where you had frizzed it between them. “You know what you need to do.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

[11:18]

changbin: this friday? yeah, I don’t think that I have anything else going on.

its been a little while.

everything okay?

...

i’m sorry if i overstepped that night

you just looked

...

fuck

you’ve got me thinking of you all the time

╚ ——————————————— ╝

Snow fell on your walk to class. It was the same early morning one that you shared with Minho. These days, the two of you had seemed to have gotten much closer. Even though you hadn’t been over in nearly a week, Minho still talked to you as if he saw you there every day. He would complain about little things such as how the rest of his roommates would leave dishes in the sink or socks randomly on the floor.

What the two of you didn’t talk about much was Changbin. There was some unspoken understanding now that the two of you had promised. He didn’t want to know much and you didn’t want to tell him; and it stayed that way. It was odd now considering that you had been quiet before so he couldn’t hear.

Admittedly, that did give you a chuckle or two from time to time.

Today, the snowflakes gathered in clumps and hugged each other while they floated down the the ground where they would melt instantly. This was the kind of snow that wouldn’t stick around. For this, you were grateful. In the first week of February, you had just enough of winter and longed for the green grasses that would peek from the melting white.

The tip of your nose and ears were warm as you marched onward with eyes squinted from the flakes that would get caught in them. In some ways, you were thankful. During the lectures, you would often prefer watching the blanket of white dancing in the windows behind the professors head.

Something you still had to learn however, was picking the right shoes. Your toes were frozen in the same canvas shoes that Changbin had scolded you for wearing. You pulled out your phone the check the time: eleven minutes early. It was somewhat of a personal best.

You smiled with a little pride, missing the body mass that was walking right past you and collided with your shoulder.

“Oh! Sorry, I’m so sorry, I was--Jisung?”

“Y/n?? Holy shit--”

Heartbeats rang in your ears and you felt as if you could hear the very blood pumping in your veins.

“I-I’m late for class, I gotta--”

“--No wait!” Rather than looking angry as you expected, that wide smile of his spread across his rosy cheeks. “I’m just glad that I ran into you.”

“Jisung, really, I need to go--”

His gloved hand reached out for your arm. “I’ve been trying to reach you but I think something must’ve gone wrong with your phone. How are you doing?”

“How am I doing?”

“Yeah, I was kinda worried, it was like you dropped off the face of the earth.”

You clawed your arm away. “I’ve been fine.”

Jisung sucked at his teeth, “Listen, after your class, can we talk? I borrowed my roommates car--I can drive us back to my place--”

“--That’s what you want to do? Talk?” The simmering anxiety that washed over you turned into irate heat.

“Yeah?”

“No its not.”

You slung your shoulder bag high up your arm, and walked on.

“Stop stop stop.” Jisung threw his body in front of your path. “What’s been going on with you? Hm? Did something happen? What is it? Your-uh art or something? You still do that right?”

Jisung had seen your paintings decorating the walls of your bedroom and the sketches that piled up on your desk next to colored pencils tied up together by rubber bands. He had seen them, but he had never looked.

“Why the hell do you care so much?”

“Baby--” He scuffed after your determined steps towards the business building. “Listen, I-I missed you okay?” Jisung yelled into the winter air: “I missed you. Alright?”

“Jisung, it wasn’t me that you missed.”

He stammered, and huffed up those puffy cheeks of his. In one final attempt, he approached you carefully with those cute brown eyes that you would often let slip into your daydreams. He reached out for your cold hand and took it in his. Had it been several months ago, you would have killed for him to hold your hand like that.

“I’ve been doing some thinking lately, especially when I hadn’t heard from you. I just...got this feeling like had done something wrong and I couldn’t figure out what the hell it was. Now, I know that I did. I...don’t like seeing you mad like this. Tell me what it is? I wanna see you at my show next week. I just want things to go back to the way that they were.”

The way that things were.

The way that things were was simplier. Easier. Just like he was. Jisung didn’t ask questions and Jisung didn’t take you out to noodle places just because he he felt like it.

The way that things were would have been easier and his hand did feel pleasantly warm in yours like you had imagined.

“I have to get to class Jisung.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

On that Friday evening when you marched up to the front door of Changbin’s apartment building, he stood hooded under the tin awning turned to rust brown with age. He huffed out a little under the dinky light of the old building, but as far as you could see, his cheeks and nose had blushed with pink. You wouldn’t have pegged him it for it, but he had draped a thick black scarf around his neck in the same place where he would usually display that thick silver chain. As soon as you locked eyes, he gave you a little wave with knees bouncing.

“Shouldn’t you be inside?” Your breath vaporized into thin, white, visible droplets in the air.

“I thought that I could meet you out here rather than have you wait in the cold. I realized I did that last time.”

“Oh. Uh-thank you...I guess.”

Changbin cracked out a little smile, then announced, “Come on, let’s get going.”

“Get going? Get going where? Did you want to get noodles again?”

He chuckled, then stepped out into the lightly falling snow. It tangled up in his curling locks and got caught in the fabric of his scarf. “Hm-no. Not this time.”

Changbin looked over at you with his stormy grey eyes, something that hadn’t come to you as easily as before. Something in him had changed since you had first met him when he was standing on that stage as if it was the edge of the world. Before, you had felt as if you were drowning in the way that he carried himself, or the way that his gaze would bear down at you as if to test your strength. The aura that you once thought to be crushing had now turned into something much softer.

“You coming or are you just gonna stand there?”

One of his hands which he had tucked into his parka coat wiggled out to beckon you behind him.

“Come on. Take it.”

“Wh--”

Changbin made the choice for you then shoved both of your hands into his pocket. “It’ll be warmer this way.”

You scoffed at the gesture: it was the oldest trick in the book. “Really? Is it?”

In the cramped pocket filled with lint, his thumb rubbed up against yours. You obliged, and he tugged you close to him with each and every finger interlaced between yours.

“See? Feels better now doesn’t it?”

Flecks of salt crunched under both of your shoes when you turned the corner lit by a single streetlight. Both of the fabric of your coats squeaked standing this close to eachother. His scarf was pulled up all the way to his chin, and his hair bopped with each and every step that he took.

“You’re not going to tell me at all?”

“Can’t you just let this happen? I’m trying to surprise you, damn...”

“...Surprise? What...?”

Changbin lead the two of you past another corner to a much busier street in the nighttime: it was bustling with cars and taxi’s and it was lined with little shops on each side that leaked out tantalizing smells.

“Are we getting food here?”

“Quit asking questions.”

Two more blocks, and Changbin’s hand tugged at you all the way down the stairs to the subway where he used his own card to swipe you both in. Down there the sides of the walls were dirtied with old newspapers and cigarette butts, and the walls were of an aquamarine blue hue.

“The subway? We can’t be going too far...right?”

Still, he said nothing while he brought you right over the the waiting area, and the two of you stood amongst the businessmen in their best shirts stained with food smears and beer splatters as well as the nurses still in their scrubs after a long day.

“I said stop to asking questions.” His sentence trailed with a bit of an edge. “Here, stay close.”

A group of particularly raucous businessmen fell all over each other in a little pod closest to you and Changbin. It was as if it was instinctual for him the way that he wrapped his arm around your shoulder to pull you in to his chest where you stood on the subway deck. A dank smell of wet coats and the sweating bodies under them wove to the air once you had entered and mingled with the rest of the passengers. It was rush hour, and the capacity of the subway was near limit, so no seats could be found. You had to bury your face partially into that scarf of his as he held onto one of the straps dangling from the ceiling of the car. Both of your arms wrapped around him in a type of hug as you clung to his frame to keep your balance.

“Only a few more stops,” He assured you.

The lull of the car drew a heavy and sleepy film over your eyes, and you found yourself nuzzling into his warmth and clinging to the fabric of his coat just a bit tighter. You had never guessed, but there was an odd sense of intimacy about holding on to one person on a speeding train in a crowd of people.

“This one.” Changbin nudged you lightly, then pushed a few bodies out of your way bodyguard-style at the stop. “Watch your step.”

He swept your hand back up into his, then he led the both of you to the staircase and the sound of the city that was much louder and obvious than it was at the stop by his home. His smug smirk only grew the higher and higher that you ascended.

“Now are you going to tell me?”

“You’re horrible with surprises. Changbin nudged you with his elbow. “I’m never surprising you again.”

The skin of your cheeks were once more assaulted with the bite of the winter, and it took you several moments to figure out where he had taken you.

“Look over to your left.”

Just past a hectic intersection, there was the soft glow of lights: the first ones that you could see were yellow-white, and they were all tangled up in the branches of tree branches: making them appear as if the leaves had never fallen, but were instead replaced by these luminescent ones. You looked further past them to the entire park which was illuminated by similar string lights of all kinds of different colors: green and red, blue, pink and orange. Every single tree in the park was decorated with them, and they shone upon the area in a rainbow of colors.

“Christmas lights?”

“The last ones that they take down I think.”

“I mean...I wasn’t expecting...this” You gestured to the sea of lights before you.

The stoplight across the street blinked on to the little “walk” symbol.

Confident as ever, Changbin didn’t falter. “Let’s go.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

You followed after Changbin under the canopy of spiny winter fingers and the lights that were spotted in between them. The passageway of the park was lined with benches on the side of the path and little groups of families, friends and couples each passed pointing out at the whole display. Christmas had been long gone, but somehow it still existed here in this little corner and the joviality it held with it.

He motioned for you to sit and brushed off the remnants of snow caked on the wood.

“I’ve got one more surprise for you.”

“I thought you said that you weren’t going to surprise me anymore?”

“Well, you’re in luck because I planned this one already.”

From his pocket he took out what looked like a thin aluminum container with hinges on the side. The metal was cold in your hands when you popped it open and inside was a small sketchbook with dotted paper and a set of double-sided colored pencils.

“I thought...you said something about colors the other day and how you liked them so I thought you would like it here with all the lights and maybe you could draw it? If you want?”

“Changbin...”

The wooden pencils were of a waxy quality; likely the kind that you could get at a corner store but that wasn’t nearly what mattered the most.

“Thank you. I mean it. I’ll draw something.”

Your heart always skipped a beat the second that you brought your pencil to the paper, and this was no exception. Across from you, there was another bench, identical to the one you sat on, and behind it, was a tree wrapped in pink lights. You set to work quickly, copying the picture as best as you could, not even caring for the little mistakes you could make. Changbin watched you from your shoulder, but you had barely taken notice. Once you had finished, you scribbled your signature at the bottom habitually.

“Here, I want you to have it.” You tore out the page. “It’s a thank you.”

He turned it over in his hand, then lightly brushed his fingertips over the way that you and woven the tree branches together and how it looked like the bench was dipped in the symphony of multi-colored lights. Beyond the tree line, you had drawn a few of the skyscrapers crowning the scene which he traced over too.

“Wow...um, thank you.” He hid his tiny grin after shoving it in his pocket.

Together you both sat, saying nothing, but rather taking in the scene together just as you had done at the noodle shop. It was peaceful simply existing next to another human being like this.

Your knuckles cracked in your lap while you recalled Chan and Felix’s urgings looking over at Changbin while he too wondered around himself.

Its not good for you. Or for them.

The man next to you rose, “Do you want to walk around a bit more? Or--”

“--Changbin...I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Under the pink glow of the string lights, his skin appeared softer.

“There’s something--I haven’t told you something and...you deserve to know.”

“Know...what?”

His head titled, examining the way that your face had fallen and became twisted up in the words on your tongue. He reached out to hold both of your cold-bitten cheeks in his hands, rubbing his thumbs to soothe you. You thought to yourself, there was something oddly intimate about standing out in the open with him like this: bearing yourself as such for the whole world to see, and how the tip of your nose rubbed up against his.

The words stung in your throat with a pain like acid.

“During this time when we were...there was also-I was also--”

“--I know what you’re going to stay and I want you to stop.”

“What?”

Changbin scoffed. "I should have guessed anyway but, it’s not my place either since we never really said exactly what this is.”

Your voice wavered, “I’m sorry. I’ll understand--” your arms fell to your sides. “--if you don’t want to--”

“--I said stop. Do you need me to say it again? I don’t own you or any dumb shit like that, and you don’t owe me anything either. But, I appreciate the honesty though.” Changbin pulled your forehead to rest against his, exhaling out visible breaths. “What are you going to do now?”

Just as he had done before, he reached down, all the way down your arms to wrap them around his waist.

“I-I don’t know. But--I do know that, being around you is...different and--” You sniffled, “--I don’t want to give that up yet.”

“Okay then.

You held your eyes closed, but you could hear his one and only smirk in his words.

“I wouldn’t mind sticking around either--but--you know what this means then?”

“What’s that?”

“You’re coming to my show next week.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ll go.”

Both of your breathless giggles filled the space between you both.

Your chest shook with a sigh, the kind that had been trapped, or maybe just held in for too long.

His lips were cold under the array of twinkling lights, and he delved himself into you carefully with his focus on nothing other than you. The way that he kissed you was terrifyingly beautiful: as if you were the way that each of the colors from the lines you sketched intersected and became one with the other. The heat of skin and the tip of his tongue filled your mouth with his promises that he had been composing for you since he had met you, and you could finally hear it for the first time. He had never changed the way in which he had done it from that first night.

He kissed you like he loved you, and maybe he really did.

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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 3 years

Text

Ultimate Note thoughts, part 3

As promised: analysis of the iron triangle’s different side combinations. This is also me thinking out loud about characters in planning my Leverage AU (which is a go, I decided) so any additional insights/corrections/clarifications would be greatly appreciated!!

Discussing the Iron Triangle’s Different Dynamics: “and they were tomb raiders. Oh my god, they were tomb raiders.”

Wu Xie and Pangzi: Tianzhen and Fatty

This bond is one of the sweetest and most well-developed bonds I’ve ever seen. I had mixed feelings about parts of Sound of the Providence, but one thing they got right was that Wu Xie and Pangzi have been platonically married for decades at that point and the love is still strong. These are two people who can banter about nothing and enjoy each other’s company. In Ultimate Note, Pangzi is given more emotional range and we get to see his thoughts on Wu Xie multiple times when puppy is unconscious/missing and in peril/yikes there should be a Wu family discount for therapy. What’s really beautiful between the two of them is that they see each other for their real selves and think those real selves are awesome and worthwhile people, warts and all. Pangzi knows Wu Xie is at once obsessively driven in his goals and fundamentally naive about those same goals; “Tianzhen” is probably a mild curse as often as it is a loving pet name. But he still shows up to help and support him in those goals. The scene where Wu Xie insists on waiting for Xiao Ge under the jade meteor thingy is a good indicator of this dynamic; despite being the one to make a rule that they will leave once the bottle under a slowly dripping rock is full, Pangzi silently pours out the filled bottle multiple times as Wu Xie sleeps. It’s also such a lovely and quiet moment to show how much they both worry over Xiao Ge together, although Pangzi, true to form, covers up a lot of his negative feelings in order to soothe and distract Wu Xie.

Pangzi and Xiao Ge: the official “Wu Xie Adoration/Defense/Commiseration/Smack Some Sense into Him” squad leaders

It’s a good touch that at the start of this adventure, both Pangzi and Xiao Ge have things going on that exist outside of Wu Xie: they both take on jobs for the same raid and deliberately do not involve Wu Xie (now that I think about it, it does kind of make sense that Wu Xie is upset at first that he is always playing catch-up with their plans, he gets enough of that with his own family. Like, *we* know there’s a good reason for their actions, but professor puppy does not).

The show does make it clear that their squad has Wu Xie at its core, and these two definitely have nights after bad raids where they (mostly Pangzi) sit with a drink and discuss management of their mutual disasterbebe. A perfect example of their system is the scene where Wu Xie cuts his hand and stubbornly ignores Pangzi; our guy takes an immediate shortcut by loudly telling Xiao Ge that Wu Xie is “being stubborn again” at which point the Man in Black gently but firmly manhandles Wu Xie into getting a bandaid over the cut (the frustrated tenderness in Xiao Ge’s face as he gazes at Wu Xie for a half second cut is just beautiful). And it’s clear that this is a regular situation: if one of them can’t get through with usual tactics, they reassess and get the other one involved. However, we do get to see that Pangzi’s protectiveness extends now to Xiao Ge, and the sweetness of those cuddles when emokitty is sick on their way out of the desert are just cute as hell and show it’s not just Wu Xie that Xiao Ge trusts with his vulnerability. It’s a far cry from their early dynamic in the Lost Tomb of “wanna fight bitch I can take you.” Pangzi is Xiao Ge’s caretaker post-amnesia (the little name tag with if-found-please-return is both cute and heartbreaking) and juggles his different roles like a pro. I really want to return to an analysis of Pangzi as caretaker in another post sometime.

Xiao Ge and Wu Xie: *cue epic music of the “Prioritize and Rescue the Damsel” Theme*

This relationship…look.

Like I said before on (checks notes) that one post or whatever, it’s a beautiful romance. And I don’t particularly care (lying through my teeth) that it’s not ever openly acknowledged throughout the series (except in asides by Pangzi and Hei Yangjing, trolls extraordinaire who ran out of fucks to give three tombs ago), because as with most things for these two, words are less important than actions. Even in other series, like Wu Xie’s ten-year devoted widow period where we find out he can access something only accessible by Zhang family members, he constantly drops hints as to a great loss that has defined his life—his single-minded devotion to Xiao Ge is Wu Xie’s double-edged sword. Every series does a great job with the long gazes at each other—somehow for that time, it seems like it is just the two of them in that moment, even if we know their third-twentieth wheels are waiting awkwardly nearby. An important part of their dynamic is that Xiao Ge always, always protects Wu Xie when he is able to, even if it’s just to stop him from tripping a little on some rocks (I think this might also be why their relationship is so revered? Like, who doesn’t want the assurance of an unconditionally loving sexy swordsman in black who has been known to disappear but who will come to your aid in moments of need—WAIT IS THEIR ROMANCE JUST CONSTANT REITERATIONS OF THE PRINCESS BRIDE???). But we also see how Wu Xie protects Xiao Ge, consistently checking in with him and making sure he is treated as a person and not a tool; it must be confusing to outsiders to see the well-known “Tomb-Raiding Train-wreck Twink” (no I don’t accept constructive criticism on this) fussing over what appears to be a stoic superhuman warrior’s physical and emotional needs. Any period of separation or sight of the other in pain brings out Wu Xie’s best sad puppy eyes and Xiao Ge’s most prominent micro-expressions (I think we can all agree Xiao Ge’s face had the most dialogue during that weird-snake-egg saga), and I just love how their relationship develops over the series, from suspicious puppy with abandonment issues to a calmer sense of “he’s gonna do what he’s gonna do, but he will come back.”

#dmbj #the lost tomb #ultimate note #wu xie #iron triangle #whomst

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kindahoping4forever · 4 years

Text

All I Want For Christmas Is You // Ashton Irwin

Day 3 of Hoe For The Hoe-lidays! I hope everyone is enjoying the event so far, we’re having a lot of fun! Please be sure to let us know what you think either via ask or in your tags if you’re a kind reblogging soul 😉

Stay tuned today for a new Cal blurb from Cass on her @cal-puddies blog and as always, each new piece will be linked on the masterlist below.

Warnings: Oh you know, just gifting Boyfriend!Ash with some good old fashioned road head for the holidays 😌

Word Count: 1785

Hoe For The Hoe-lidays Masterlist

Masterlist // Taglist and Ko-Fi linked above

Let me know what you think!

“I would’ve taken you to get some real coffee if you’d asked,” Ashton comments grumpily.

You ignore his negativity, pecking his cheek. “It’s good! I mean it’s still gas station coffee but it’s not flavored or anything. Unsweetened and disgusting, exactly what you like,” you cheerfully reply, sitting the drinks in the cup holder.

When he’d heard you were planning to travel a couple hours away to pick up a gift you wanted to give your mother for Christmas, he eagerly offered to accompany you on your journey, even volunteering to drive.

The trip there went smoothly; he picked you up early, you stopped for breakfast along the way and had fun singing Christmas songs, sharing holiday memories and enjoying each other’s company. You’ve only been dating since the summer so every new fact you learn about each other is fascinating and the idea of spending time together is even more novel as the holiday season unfolds.

The rest of the trip, however, is a different story: you got caught up at your destination and your one-stop shopping trip turned into a multi-store, multi-hour tour of the mall, putting your return trip smack in the middle of rush hour traffic.

You'd hoped that your suggestion of pulling off the freeway to fill up the tank would’ve helped either his mood or the traffic but as you plop back in the passenger seat, wincing at the latest traffic delays, you concede your plan may have failed.

“That bad, huh?” Ashton guesses, seeing your face as he starts the car back up.

“Yeah… traffic looks pretty light if you skip the freeway and take the streets, though,” you offer positively.

“Traffic’s light because no one’s taking the streets unless they have to,” he scoffs. “Long stretches of road without anyone or anything nearby and it’ll add at least another hour, if not more to our trip.” He runs a hand through his long hair and over his tired face, scratching at his beard, frustrated.

You’re not used to him like this, so pessimistic and combative. You respond, much quieter than before, “Just thought it’d be better than white knuckling through another hour of bumper to bumper.”

He immediately notices your change in demeanor and reaches over to squeeze your knee. “Hey... you know I’m not mad at you, right? It’s just been a long day and stuff like this makes me a little crazy,” he explains.

“I know… I’m just sorry I turned this into a way bigger deal than you thought it was going to be, I didn’t mean to take up your whole day,” you shrug.

“I offered you my day, baby,” he corrects. He takes a sip of his iced coffee and makes a displeased face, yet keeps drinking it. “We haven’t seen each other much lately and I’m not gonna see you at all for the holidays so I’m not complaining about a few extra hours with you.”

He laces his fingers with yours, bringing them to his face to place a kiss on your knuckles. He gets back on the road and it takes less than 10 minutes of freeway traffic for Ash to agree with you about taking the alternate route.

His disposition may have lightened but he’s clearly not in the mood to talk so you flick the radio to the local Christmas music station. You hear him take a deep, steadying breath but don’t think anything of it as you quietly sing to yourself while you sip your coffee and answer texts.

The music simply exists in the background, neither of you paying it much mind until the opening tinkles of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” sound out through the speakers. You excitedly sit up in your seat to sing along but notice your boyfriend clenching his jaw, gripping the steering wheel as if his life depends on it.

You get through the first verse before you steal another glance at Ash and he looks inexplicably, comedically furious. You don’t want to push your luck based on the day you’ve had but you can’t imagine what the issue is. “Um, babe? Everything alright?” You tentatively ask, turning the radio down.

He takes another deep breath and says as evenly as he can manage, “Sweetheart. You know I care about you. You know I want you to be happy. I love when you’re happy. Nothing makes me happier than when you’re happy. But I swear to fucking GOD if I have to hear that fucking song one more fucking time I’m going to lose my goddamn fucking mind.”

You can’t help but burst out laughing. “What?!”

“Baby, it was on the radio a few times on the trip there, we heard it at the breakfast place, every goddamn store in the mall played it. I’m at my wit’s end," he insists.

“Was my rendition really that bad?” You joke.

A grin threatens to creep up his cheeks but he remains stoic. “Just trying to get us back to our respective homes with my mind and body in one piece.”

“Homes plural? I don’t even get to invite you in to make up for how today turned out?” You tease, walking your fingers up his thigh.

“You're not ready for a break from a grinch like me?” He asks with a faint smile. You feel a rush of serotonin shoot through you when you see the sparkle back in his eyes.

“Aww, I’m pretty sure I know a way to raise your holiday spirit,” you smirk as your hand settles on his crotch.

"That so?" He laughs coyly, enjoying the build up.

You drape yourself over his seat, attaching your lips to his neck while you palm him. "Long stretches of road without anyone or anything nearby?" You quote his words back to him as you hastily undo the button and zipper of his jeans. "Sounds like a perfect opportunity to help relieve some holiday stress."

Ashton inhales sharply as you pull him out of his boxers, attentively massaging his tip between your thumb and forefinger. "You know you don't have to do this just because of earlier, baby," he states softly.

You press a soft kiss to his cheek before ducking down to lick a long stripe all the way up his shaft, suckling gingerly at the head when you reach it. You let your spit collect in your mouth and fall onto him when you pull off to say, "Oh, I meant I'm doing this to relieve my stress but you're right, I can see how this would help you out too."

He laughs loudly and you think there may not be a sweeter sound in the world - at least not until you hear the awed way he mutters your name when you slowly slide your mouth down his cock, almost making it all the way to his balls before you start to choke and pull up.

You hollow your cheeks and bob your head, tongue working him over in your mouth just how you've learned he likes. His hand rests gently on top of your head, occasionally tangling his fingers in your hair but careful to never apply pressure. It enters your mind that part of you wishes he would and you moan around him at the thought.

Ash can't help but quickly cast his eyes down to take a peek; he groans loudly at the sight of you in his lap with his cock nearly buried in your throat. You swirl your tongue around him as you pull up, hand cradling his balls.

"God, baby… feels so good… your mouth is fucking heavenly," he sighs breathlessly.

You press your legs together at his praise, regretting you didn't wear that skirt you'd considered this morning, wishing there was some way you could relieve the ache between your thighs before you got home.

He must've noticed your struggle because suddenly he's asking, "Being such a good girl turning you on, baby? How wet has sucking me off made you?"

You whine, pulling off with a loud pop. "Ash… been wet since I first thought to do this," you admit, stroking him while you catch your breath.

"Poor baby," he replies with a smirk. "Can you behave and wait to cum until we get back? Or are you so desperate for my cock that I'm gonna have to pull over and fill you in the middle of this goddamn highway?"

Your head spins, overwhelmed by arousal. "Only ever wanna be good for you," you whimper, sloppily kissing up and down his length. "Wanna be good and make you cum." Your declaration has barely left your lips before you're sucking him again, with renewed intent.

"Fuck, baby, yes… wanna give you my cum, you deserve it," he babbles as your mouth works him, up and down, up and down.

You pull up to pump him again and out of the corner of your eye, you notice his blood moon tattoos practically jumping off his skin with how tightly he's beginning to grip the steering wheel.

Before you even have a chance to teasingly comment, Ashton's breath hitches and with a sharp cry of your name, his cock is suddenly throbbing in your hand, cum shooting up and onto the shoulder of your sweater.

You giggle in shock but act quickly, moving to try and get him back in your mouth, a task made difficult by the forceful pulses of his orgasm; you can't help but moan as you feel the stripes of hot cum hit your cheek before you're able to wrap your lips around him, sucking the final drops from his tip.

He finally lets out an exhausted huff, followed by an elated chuckle. "Jesus, baby, I'm sorry," he apologizes, looking over in disbelief as you shift back to your seat, trying not to make a mess of the car, digging through the glove box for tissues. "That came out of fuckin' nowhere."

You wipe your face, snickering, "You're telling me." You use your water bottle to dampen a tissue and start carefully dabbing at the stain on your sweater. "To be fair, you did say you wanted to give me your cum. So. Mission accomplished, pal."

He cackles, stealing another glance at you, unsure if this memory will ever leave his mind. "Gonna make you feel so fucking good when we get back," he promises breathlessly.

"Decided to come over to mine after all, then?" You tease with a smile.

Ash squeezes your knee. "I've got favors to return, my dear," he giggles. "Plus, we need to go online so you can pick out the new sweater I clearly need to give you for Christmas."

————-

Taglist issues again so my apologies if you get notif’d more than once (or not at all)

@mymindwide @suchalonelysunflower @pxrxmoore @loveroflrh @ghostofmashton @sexgodashton @feliznavidaddycal

@castaway-cashton @ashtonlftv @cashtonasfuck @megz1985 @ashdork-irwin @angelicfluffs @findingliam-o @youngbloodchild @irwinsbetch @everyscarisahealingplace

@wiildflower-xxx @metalandboybands @realisticnotes @makeamovehemmings @golden166 @burstintocolor

@mfartzzz @babyoria @petunias-pet @youngblood199456 @notinthesameguey @seanna313 @zhangyixingxing1 @stardust-galaxies @zackoid

@lovelybonesetc @xsongxbirdx @justhereforcalum @ashtonangst

@laura66sos @calumrose @karajaynetoday @pilunb @jazzyangel242 @babylon-corgis @heyheyhaleyd @calmsweetcreature

@spicycal @talkfastromance4 @holystxne

@meetmedowntown @myloverboyash

@irwindoll @cheekysos @carrielfisher @lukedorkyhemmings @creampiecashton @lovelywordsblog

@trix-arent-for-kids @uh-huhh-honey @tobefalling @aladyofalbion @likehuhdude

@curlycalums @cxddlyash @reddesert-healourblues

@fedorable-killjoys @iamcalumswhore @i-like-5sos @Too-et-moi215

@photochic18 @kouska901 @Indermeow @dantord

#5sos smut #5 seconds of summer smut #ashton irwin smut #ashton irwin fic #holiday smut #ashton smut #smut #Kindahoping4forever #kh4f fic #All I Want For Christmas Is You #cass and crystal present: hoe hours #cass and Crystal present: hoe for the hoelidays #I have no idea where these concepts were coming from but reader? the writing has never flowed this easily before and i find that strange lol #why is holiday smut where i'm having a creative renaissance #also like I have been self-editing more than usual? I'm? Capable of that? wtf #Shouts to Cass for helping with this ending tho lol #Feedback is appreciated #love y'all thanks for indulging and supporting our clownery

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clumsyclifford · 3 years

Note

you said i should say less about new ace content in general and i immediately understood that as say more so please gimme some ace stuff and please make it fluffy. i don't particularly care about the pairing but i'm always down for lashton and/or malum but any atl ship works for me as well so like just do your thing i guess wow that was a useless sentence this messy ask is further proof that i should go to sleep so bye love you!! -fiancee

well i ran with ace lashton in an interesting way i hope you enjoy it this is not based on real life but maybe it could be. in a better world it is. that’s all i’ll say about that, i hope you like it

read here on ao3

Luke likes going to the movies. He likes staying home and having a home-cooked meal. He likes quiet, simple, intimate activities.

He does not like parades.

“But it’s Pride,” Ashton wheedles. “D.C. Pride! One of the biggest pride events in the country!”

“You made that up, and I don’t care,” says Luke. “I don’t want to go. I don’t like parades.”

“It’s not really a parade.”

“Also not true.”

“Okay, but it’s not about the parade, it’s about the gathering,” Ashton says, gently shaking Luke. “It’s about a bunch of queer people all coming together and uniting in one space. Celebrating our differences and our similarities. Celebrating community.”

“That’s beautiful,” Luke says. Ashton looks hopeful. “Still no.”

Ashton huffs. “I don’t wanna go alone.”

“Go with Michael and Calum,” Luke suggests. “I’m sure they’d love for you to tag along.”

“And third-wheel all day? No thanks.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” Luke says, and carries on setting the table for dinner. If his mum comes home to a half-set table, the blame will fall on Luke, of course. Ashton takes the cue and begins laying out plates.

It’s quiet for a moment. Luke can tell Ashton is trying to come up with a way to convince him to go to Pride, but it won’t work. Luke’s avoided Pride for seventeen years. He doesn’t intend to start now. Staying at home with his boyfriend and watching Rent is about as much as Luke cares to celebrate Pride Month. Maybe they’ll make out a little. Standards are low.

“Okay, how about this,” Ashton says, and Luke sighs deeply. “No, hear me out. And keep an open mind, okay? Think about compromise.”

“I’m listening.”

“What if we go before the parade starts?”

Luke frowns. “Then what would be the point?”

“There will still be people there,” Ashton says. “But it won’t be nearly as many people, and the festivities won’t really be happening yet, so we can still say we went to Pride but we won’t get caught up in the whole big thing.”

“But I thought you wanted the whole big thing.”

“Ah, whatever,” Ashton says, waving him off. “I’d rather go with you than see the parade alone.”

Luke feels bad. It’s obviously important to Ashton, or else he’d have given up already on trying to make Luke go. And as much as Luke knows he shouldn’t feel obliged to prioritize Ashton’s wishes over his own comfort, this makes him want to.

Compromise. “Okay,” Luke says. “Fine.”

Ashton blinks. “Really?”

“Did you think that wouldn’t work?”

“I—” Ashton’s face breaks into a smile. “I don’t know, not really, to be honest. Really? You’ll come?”

“Yes,” Luke says, and the delight in Ashton’s face makes up for the dread pooling in Luke’s stomach.

Ashton shuffles around the table and presses a warm kiss to Luke’s cheek. “Thank you,” he says, warmth also bleeding into his voice. “I’m excited. You’re gonna like it.”

Probably not, but Luke keeps that thought to himself. He doesn’t need to rain on any more of Ashton’s parades.

Luke and Ashton are excited about Dupont Circle for different reasons. Ashton is basically vibrating out of his seat on the Metro as they approach their stop, where the parade is slated to begin at half past noon. It’s only eleven now, but that doesn’t seem to matter to Ashton. He seems confident that there will be enough Pride to satisfy his excitement without overwhelming Luke.

Luke’s just looking forward to the Krispy Kreme at the station.

They take the escalator out, and sure enough, there’s Krispy Kreme to the left. Luke grabs Ashton’s hand and yanks him towards the shop.

“Seriously? We’re at D.C. Pride and your priority is donuts?” Ashton says, but he allows Luke to tug him along until they’re at the door.

Luke turns to him and very seriously says, “Ashton, my priority is always donuts.”

“Yeah, that’s fair, I walked into that one,” Ashton mutters as they enter the store.

Five minutes and two donuts later, both of them exit, Luke munching contentedly on a strawberry-frosted donut (with sprinkles, of course) and Ashton carefully biting into his jelly-filled one.

“Okay, starting now, we’re at Pride, and you can’t be a Negative Nancy,” Ashton declares.

“I promise not to be a Negative Nancy,” Luke vows. “I swear on this donut.”

Ashton beams. “Yay! Okay let’s go explore.”

You’d think this was Ashton’s first Pride for how excited he gets over everything. He stops at almost every stand, even though they’re all selling different versions of the same thing, and somehow manages to spark up conversation with any passing person who looks queer and interesting. Luke loves this about Ashton, how charming and outgoing he is, how he could befriend a vaguely human-shaped plant. People are drawn to him; Luke’s no exception. Ashton is very much the main character, even more so because he doesn’t seem to know it. He's just Ashton, and Luke loves him for it. Even when it means the halo of Ashton’s spotlight draws attention to Luke by extension.

Luke is not a charming, outgoing person. Luke is quiet and reserved. He’s never cared for the spotlight. Sometimes it’s a good thing that he has Ashton to pull him out of his shell a little. Sometimes he wilts under the scrutiny. It's a toss-up, but Luke appreciates that Ashton never stops trying.

Most of the tables selling merch boast shirts, hats, flags — the kind of thing you’d wear or own if you wanted to be loud and proud about your identity. Luke’s not really that kind of person. Luke’s way of coming out is to subtly slip into the conversation the fact that he has a boyfriend. Before he had a boyfriend, it pretty much never came up. Big, colorful flags have never been his cup of tea.

And anyway, that’s only half of his identity. The other half never comes up, and Luke’s okay with that. It’s not like being ace is the kind of thing you can casually mention. It has to be a whole thing, every time, and Luke doesn’t want to deal with the whole thing, so he just doesn’t bother. Most of the time it doesn’t really matter. As much as Luke is able to fly under the radar, that’s what he intends to do.

“Hey, pins!”

Ashton is not like that.

“Luke, you like pins, right?”

The table they’ve stopped at is covered end-to-end with pins. Enamel or plastic, every single pride flag Luke has ever seen in his life is represented here, in a variety of shapes and sizes. The kaleidoscopic display is fun to look at, at least. There’s nobody behind the table at the moment, which means in theory it would be pretty easy to steal one, but Luke’s not like that, and even if he was he wouldn’t feel good stealing a pride pin from a small-business owner.

“I don’t really have an opinion,” says Luke.

“Ha,” Ashton says. “O-pin-ion. Haha.”

“I’m leaving you,” Luke says, turning away with a wry grin.

“No, come back.” Ashton grabs his wrist and pulls him closer, so Luke wraps an arm around his waist and rests his head on Ashton’s shoulder instead. “I like pins. They’re a very understated way of coming out.”

“Having a boyfriend is an understated way of coming out,” Luke replies.

"I resent you calling me understated," Ashton says in faux-indignance. Luke giggles.

“I’m so sorry, I had to run and grab some water,” says a voice, as a person bustles around them to stand behind the table. Their pink fringe is pushed back by a bandana and they’re wearing a jean jacket with so many pins and patches that the fabric is practically invisible. A sticker on the front pocket of the jacket introduces them as Alex, he/they :). “Can I help you with anything?”

“Just admiring the collection,” Ashton says brightly. “I love your jacket.”

“Thank you very much,” says Alex. “It’s been accumulating pins for about five years now.”

“Damn,” Ashton says, wolf-whistling. “That’s a good collection. I don’t have a good jacket for pins.”

“Wish I could tell you where I got mine, but it was a gift from my boyfriend,” Alex says. “I’ve heard thrifting is a good way to go.”

“You wanna go thrifting, Luke?” Ashton says, nudging Luke, who shrugs.

“Sure,” he says. He reaches for one of the asexual flag pins, a small enamel rectangle, and smoothes his thumb over the surface. “These are pretty nice.”

“You should buy it,” Ashton says. “Start a cool jacket. Then we could be matching.”

“You don’t have a cool jacket yet.”

“I know, but we could.”

“But neither of us have a cool jacket. So it’s not even—”

“Fine, ruin my fun,” Ashton harrumphs. To Alex, who’s watching them with amusement, Ashton says, “So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?”

“Oh, uh…” Alex’s gaze diverts to the air like he’s counting invisible numbers. “Six years? Almost? I think it’s gonna be six years in July.”

“Six years,” Ashton repeats in mild awe. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, high school sweethearts, blah blah blah,” Alex says, smiling. They shrug. “Everyone thought we’d break up when we went to college, but when you know, you know. You know?”

Luke swallows. Ashton says, “Good for you. That’s impressive.”

“I like to think so,” Alex says. “What about you? Are you guys together?” He winces. “Should I not have asked that? I’m sorry, to be honest this is Jack’s business, I’m just running the stand because he wanted to go look around a little before the parade started. My boyfriend Jack, I mean. Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s all good,” Ashton says. He hip-checks Luke gently, which Luke takes to mean something like is it cool if I tell him? It’s nice that Ashton is asking, but Luke had kind of figured everyone would assume they were together because, you know, Pride, so he doesn’t really care.

“Yeah,” he says. “For, what, eight months?”

“Eight months,” Ashton confirms.

Alex grins. “That’s great, I love it. What are your names?”

“Ashton,” says Ashton. “He/him.”

“Luke. Also he/him.”

“It’s nice to meet you guys,” Alex says. “I’m Alex. He/they.”

“Yeah, your thing says,” Luke says, pointing.

Alex laughs. “You’d be surprised how many people don’t see it. Or they see it and think it’s just another decorative pin.”

“Do people wear pronoun pins as decorations?” Luke wonders. “That seems strange to me.”

“People are ineffable,” Alex says solemnly. Then he grins. Luke likes Alex. In fact, little though Luke’s actually spoken today, he likes most of the people whom Ashton has stopped to chat up. Queer people are so friendly, is what Luke is learning. It almost makes him happy to be here.

Except now Alex’s words are ringing in Luke’s head, and he can’t stop hearing them. Everyone thought we’d break up when we went to college, but when you know, you know.

Ashton’s going to college this fall. Luke’s managed to forget about that fact because it’s only June, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Ashton’s leaving and Luke’s going to finish his senior year alone and what if something happens to them? What if they’re fooling themselves thinking they can do the long-distance thing? What if they’re doomed already and this summer is just prolonging the inevitable?

“Well, personally I would love to buy a pin,” Ashton says. “Luke, choose one.”

“What?” Luke says, blinking himself out of his spiral. “Why?”

“I’m buying you one,” Ashton says.

“I don’t—” Luke bites his lip. He’s still fidgeting with the ace flag pin, and he kind of likes it. Maybe he can subtly come out in different ways. Maybe he can just wear it, and wait for someone to ask. Then it’s way less of a big deal because it’s not like Luke has brought it up.

There’s enough shame in the world. Luke doesn’t need to add to it.

“Okay,” he says instead. He holds up the ace flag. “This one.”

“Great choice,” Ashton says, digging out a five to give to Alex. He hesitates, then pulls out a ten instead. “Actually, maybe I’ll also get one. Then we can actually match.”

“Right, with our matching jackets that don’t exist yet.”

“You know what, fine, we don’t have to match.” Ashton makes a face at Luke. “You can put your pin on whatever you want. It’ll go great with your all-black closet.”

“Shut up,” Luke grumbles. Ashton laughs.

“Hey, don’t knock the all-black,” Alex says. “Black is the new black. It’s fashion forward.”

“Not in eighty-degree June it’s not,” Ashton says.

“It’s seventy-five,” Luke protests. “And Alex is wearing a jacket!”

“Yes, but Alex is not my boyfriend, and we only just met,” Ashton says, grinning. “Also, their jacket is sick as fuck.”

“It is sick as fuck,” Alex agrees. “But I’m still siding with Luke here. You can’t go wrong with all-black.” For the first time, he seems to register Luke’s shirt, and his eyes light up. “Hey, Green Day! I fucking love Green Day!”

“You should be my best friend,” Luke says seriously, and Alex nods equally seriously.

“Hey,” Ashton complains. “I like Green Day.”

“Thank you for the pin,” Luke tells Alex. “Good luck with the, uh, you know, selling more of them.”

“Of course, anytime,” Alex says. “I’m pretty sure there’s a website on these business cards if you ever want to, I don’t know, browse?” They shrug one shoulder. “This is why I’m not a small business owner.”

“Cool,” Luke says, taking the card. He probably won’t use it, but you never know.

“Nice to meet you, Alex,” Ashton says, as he and Luke start to walk away, fingers interlaced between them. “Good luck! Happy Pride!”

“You too! Enjoy the parade!” Alex says, waving.

Luke doesn't bother to inform him they're not staying that long; he and Ashton turn away and continue walking, Luke with his new pin clutched in his fist.

“They were cool,” Ashton says enthusiastically. “There are so many fucking interesting people here. God, I love Pride.”

Luke grips the pin tighter. The pointy back starts to hurt where it’s pressing into his palm. “Yeah.”

“Thanks for letting me get you something,” Ashton says. “I know it’s not really your thing, but I don’t know. I felt like we should buy something after we stood there for so long.”

“No, yeah, I agree.”

“On the bright side, they’re pretty cool pins.” Ashton holds his out like he’s assessing what he’ll do with it. “Maybe Michael has an extra jean jacket he never wears. I could ask him.”

Luke hums. Ashton glances over at him, eyebrows drawn together. “Are you okay?”

Luke's not supposed to say anything like this. He’s supposed to be positive because he promised he wouldn’t be a “Negative Nancy” and the sky is so blue that Luke would hate to be the reason for rain, but if he doesn’t say it then it’ll just keep ringing around his head until he can’t think about anything else.

“You’re not scared we’re gonna break up when you go to college?” he blurts out.

Ashton stops short and their hands break apart so Luke’s falls to his side. “Where’d that come from?”

“You heard Alex,” Luke says. “Everyone thought he and his boyfriend would break up when they went to college.”

“But they didn’t,” Ashton says.

“But that’s obviously unusual,” Luke counters. He swallows hard. “I’m just saying…aren’t you worried?”

Ashton tilts his head. “Do you want me to be worried?”

And yeah, a little part of Luke does. Only because if Ashton’s worried, it means he values their relationship enough that it would hurt him to lose it. But Luke knows that’s not really fair, and he knows Ashton loves him, even if he doesn’t seem worried at all.

“No, I don’t know. I just— I don’t know.”

“Are you?”

“I don’t know,” Luke says again. “I had pretty successfully managed to avoid thinking about it, but now…I don’t know.”

Ashton gently pries open Luke’s fist and runs his thumb over the red imprint the pin has left. Sheepish, Luke puts the pin in his pocket. As soon as his hand is free again, Ashton takes it, holding both of Luke’s hands in both of his own.

“I’m not worried,” he says quietly. His eyes are so sincere and his hands are so soft and Luke loves him and likes him and knows that to lose him would be a fate worse than death. “You must have missed the other half of Alex’s sentence. Remember? When you know, you know.”

Luke’s breath catches a little. “Yeah, but…”

“But what?” Ashton lifts a shoulder. “I already know, Luke. I’m in it for the long haul. So unless you meet some other guy who’s even awesomer than me and makes better puns, you have nothing to worry about. I’m not letting you get away that easy.”

Luke gazes at Ashton until the rest of the world falls away. “Oh,” he breathes.

“Okay?” Ashton quirks a smile.

Luke surges forward and kisses Ashton for as long as he can manage without passing out. It’s clumsy and sweet and Ashton’s hands tighten around Luke’s waist and Luke wraps his arms around Ashton’s shoulders and nothing else in the known universe matters except this.

When they finally break apart, Luke cracks a smile. “Okay.”

Ashton beams. He offers his hand to Luke again, and this time Luke takes it and doesn’t let go.

#luke hemmings #ashton irwin #lashton #lashton fic #5sos #5sos fic #fic #my fic #idk when im gonna post this but at the time of drafting it i am So Fucking Tired #i cant imagine that will be less true when i finally post it lol #i feel like im constantly tired lmao #but right now its 1am and i wanted to be asleep or like getting ready to sleep like.......an hour ago #and then i made a cup of tea instead #it's july 23rd (it's july 22nd but it's past midnight so. 23rd)#and i want sleep!#after i save this post to my drafts tho im gonna go start getting ready for bed #maaaaaaaaaan im tired #night yall #oh i hope you like this fiancee it occurred to me while writing that its hard to write an Ace Fic unless its about the Being Ace #which is not something i care to write about #usually characters just........are ace #so this fic plot was borne (born?) of that dilemma #ask #anonymous #fiancee anon #ETA i just woke up twelve minutes ago but fiancee said now so you get this now

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curvingsunsets · 4 years

Text

So This is The Fic I WroteAbout the Boys

idk what to call it but here it is

Quick warning before you read: parents fighting, implied homophobia, anything else I need to tag lmk

ALSO I listened to Jubilee Line by Wilbur Soot the entire time I was writing it

I was also asked to tag @crybabyddl so here u go <3

Wasting your time

You're wasting mine

There was something in the air that night. Something that gave the boys a gentle switch of tone. A signal that they were the only family they’d need.

It wasn’t easy managing everything that he was going through. He’d barely been holding on to not only his grades, but the band and his social life. It wasn’t what he wanted to happen. He wanted a nice family dinner with his mom and dad. His dad just had to find out about his next gig. Tension grew around the table and it ended with a regretful “I hate you” spat into the living room.

The next hour was spent in his room. He couldn’t return to the scene, his mom’s gentle weeping could be heard through the hollow door of his room along with his dad’s attempt at reassurance. He stopped staring at the stars he stuck to his ceiling years ago and grabbed his bag. For once, he was thankful his room was on the first floor. He slipped out of his window and started the long, but calming walk to the only place he knew he could go to.

~~~

Usually, it was easy for him to ignore the muffled screams through the walls of the house. Tonight was different, however. The insults his dad threw at his mom, who he supposedly loved, started to sting a little more than any other day. He’d tried to muffle it out with a pillow over his ears, even tried humming to drown it out, but no luck. It was frustrating, having to be the only level-headed person in the house.

The longer he was alone with the fighting, the deeper he got into his own head. Whatever was going on outside that door couldn’t be love, he told himself time and time again. Yet, he never seemed to believe it. Just as he started getting trapped in his own head, a gut-wrenching curse was thrown from one parent to the other. That’s when he’d drawn the line. He pulled himself out of his own thoughts and unlocked the window, slipping out into the salty air.

~~~

The disapproving stares from his parents seemed to hit a little harder as he walked into the kitchen wearing the pink hoodie he knew they hated. He pretended not to hear the slur his dad muttered under his breath as he scanned the fridge. The word lingered in the air for a second longer than he was comfortable with. He’d settled for a bottle of water and escaped back into his room, avoiding the two pairs of eyes burning judgement into the back of his head.

He’d tried so hard to be “normal” for them. Until he realized that he was normal, and that they were just bigots. He laid in his bed with his headphones in, Whitney playing through the speakers quietly, afraid that they’d still hear her through the door. No matter how hard he tried, his mind drifted back to the disapproving looks that fell over his parent’s faces the day he’d come out to them. The clouding of his mind seemed to pull him away from his home and out of his window.

Hate to see you leaving

Fate worse than dying

Your city gave me asthma

That's why I'm fucking leaving

Your water gave me cancer

The pavement hurt my feelings

They’d all been suffocating in their own homes. The places they thought were supposed to be their safe spaces...yet they’d never felt truly safe there.

The cold air that hit his face was a gentle reminder of the tears that were slipping down his cheeks. As he pushed the pedals of his bike forward, he’d used the sleeve of his flannel to rid of the trails on his cheeks. His mind kept racing, still. The feeling of regret trickling in, but not deep enough to make him turn back. He’d pushed forward once again, letting go of the handlebars for a moment to simply exist in the calm.

~~~

The trail in the woods definitely wasn’t his favorite, but it helped him sift through his thoughts. The rustling of the trees provided almost a drone that kept him grounded. Of course, it wasn’t his prefered method of releasing stress, but it was the quickest route. So he pushed forward, picking a few leaves off the trees as he passed, tearing them apart so he could do something with his hands instead of picking at his cuticles until they bled.

~~~

The gentle breeze had drawn his thoughts away from the scowls and towards his safe space. He may not have been paying attention to where he was going, but he’d been on this path too many times to count, so it was basically second nature at this point. The passing cars gave no second glance to the seventeen year old they drove past on the highway, all too busy to get to their third party of the night. It didn’t bother him, though. He’d always made up stories for the people driving past.

Shout at the wall

Because the walls don't fucking love you

Once he’d arrived in the garage, he dropped his bag on the couch and sighed, the stress from the night disintegrating into the concrete floor. He walked further into the garage, not even bothering to turn the lights on. He took a deep breath before kicking a pillow across the room. Pulling off his hoodie, he laid down on the couch, draping it over his chest.

It was silent for a moment before the second boy walked in. “Luke?” he asked softly, unsure if the boy on the couch was asleep.

“Hey, Reg,” Luke answered without even opening his eyes. “Bad time at home too?”

Reggie didn’t even have to answer before Luke was up off the couch, leading him up to the loft of the garage. They laid over the bags of clothing and guitar cases, the small hole in the roof letting moonlight seep through, illuminating the boys’ faces.

“Wanna talk about it?” Luke asked, running a comforting hand over the bass player’s shoulder.

There's a reason

That London puts barriers on the tube line

There's a reason

That London puts barriers on the rails

And he did. For a few minutes, he’d let out every thought that was lingering in his mind for the past month. Some of them not even the reason he left his house that night. But, although he was crying, it was a relief for him. Like any negative feeling that filled his being dissolved into the air above him and left the two with a sigh of relief afterwards.

Their comfortable silence was interrupted by the garage door opening for a third time that night. The blonde immediately noticed the faint sniffles of one of his best friends in the loft. To which he climbed the ladder and joined the pile, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying on the way here.

But, they noticed. And Luke asked him the same thing he’d asked Reggie twenty minutes before. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

There's a reason

That London puts barriers on the tube line

There's a reason

That London puts barriers on the rails

And he spoke his mind. They let him release that tension. It came with some crying and self-doubt, to which they responded with supportive comments and comforting touches. But, he’d started to finally recognize the difference between how he felt about himself versus the way others made him feel. And on his face, a smile broke through for the first time that day.

“What about you, man?” Alex asked Luke, who’d been so generous to let the others pour every piece of themselves out on the floor.

He usually never shared in moments like this. He’d never admit it, but he always wants the others to be okay before he’d ever share what was on his mind. Even then, he wouldn’t spill the whole story, just enough to make the others content.

And after they’d all spoken their hearts out, they looked at each other. And that was the spark that made them realize. There was another gust of wind that came through the hole in the roof that finally knocked out any negative feelings that were left. Reggie sighed contentedly, leaning further into Luke’s side as he played with his necklace. Alex tapped out a rhythm on his legs, staring through the hole in the roof, the stars laying out a familiar pattern for him to trace in his mind.

The silence ended with a sigh from Luke, “This is the only family we’re ever gonna need,” he explained softly. “There is nobody out there who understands us. Except for us.”

Both Alex and Reggie nodded. Alex laid back against the garbage bag filled with Luke’s clothes. Reggie curled further into Luke’s embrace, a soft sigh of relief escaping from his lips as he let sleep take over. Luke kept his comforting touch continuing for Reggie’s comfort. He waved Alex over to the pile, to which he complied, resting his head in the guitarist’s lap, tapping a different rhythm into his knee. It continued until Alex succumbed to the sleep that had been tugging at his eyelids for the past 15 minutes.

Luke looked at his two best friends and nodded. Although this wasn’t the family he’d particularly wanted, it sure was the one he needed.

#Luke patterson #Alex mercer #reggie peters #Julie and the phantoms fic

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bon-nii · 4 years

Note

I think anon is just as angry as we are about season 2's low quality. But since they haven't read the manga they don't know exactly WHY they are angry so they irrationally lash out on us

Yeah, I agree. I think that everyone is experiencing a lot of annoyance and frustration over this situation right now.

My complete thoughts below the cut...

Manga readers are rightfully annoyed at anime-onlys who are calling them toxic for complaining/criticizing and memeing the hell outta season two...there are a good amount of anime-onlys who are invalidating manga reader’s opinions and feelings over this, and I don’t think they realize just how well-founded these opinions are. Just because Shirai is “overseeing the changes” and just because we had two years warning that things would be different doesn’t mean we have to be happy about it, y’know? And that’s the perspective a lot of manga readers are coming from.

Conversely, anime-onlys are very rightfully annoyed at manga readers who constantly tell them to “read the manga” (I’ve been at fault for this too) and who are filling the tag with really negative content. Like, they just wanna enjoy the show! They don’t know who this Yuugo guy is, or what Goldy Pond is, they only know what has been shown in season two, and they want to interact with and make content about what they know.

It’s just one hell of a dumpster fire of a situation, one that I (from the standpoint of someone who studies history lol) find quite fascinating. There’s not really much of a middle ground to be found here, simply because of how different both side’s experiences with the story are. I think both sides could tone it down a bit for sure, and there is marginal consensus between some manga readers and some anime-onlys happening right now, but largely this seems like a “agree to disagree, but respect the other side’s viewpoint” situation.

It’s like two different fandoms at this point, y’know? There are two completely different groups trying to occupy the same space (I’m not suggesting we separate the two or anything), so frustration and disagreement is bound to happen. Ultimately though, all of these reactions are based on a passionate love for this series, it’s just that this love is founded on two completely different contexts and therefore presents itself differently. Nobody is wrong, there are multiple right “answers” to this situation (actual toxicity excluded, of course!) At the end of the day, what can we do about it? Nothing, really. The series is already animated.

You don’t have to read this part if you don’t want, it’s just more of a self-reflection than anything:

As for me personally, I’ve sat back and looked at how my own irl feelings interact with the content I post about season 2 on this blog. I think I come off as being completely serious in my strong reactions when in reality I’m just purposefully exaggerating them to be funny (to myself, hopefully to others too). I’m completely serious in my criticisms and actual analysis of the series and of season two. However, when I post something like “End it all right now, gonna go fight Cloverworks for the war crimes they’ve committed” (not an actual post, but posts with that same vibe) I’m not being serious, I’m just being dramatic for the sake of shitposting. It’s a level of irony that friends and family are used too, but a bunch of strangers on the internet aren’t used too, so I can understand why anon and others would get annoyed at me I mean... it is what it is?

When it all comes down too it, my life isn’t ruined, it’s not in shambles, the world keeps on turning... After surviving (I say, like I survived a war LMFAO) both the great BBC Sherlock season 4 meltdown and the great Voltron season 8 meltdown (absolutely FASCINATING topics of possible study, not even joking) I realized if you put too much stock into something fictional, you are gonna get hurt when it doesn’t meet your expectations. It’s not worth the stress lol

Anyway, that’s mostly it for now I think? @ anyone, feel free to shoot me any questions or comments or call me a manga elitist in my inbox if you feel like it!

#tpn #the promised neverland #promised neverland #ynn #yakusoku no neverland #tpn season 2

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joyful-soul-collector · 4 years

Text

No problem, kid

Prompt: Fainting

@canonismybitch asked: CONGRATULATIONS ON 400 FOLLOWERS!!! Could I request Fainting for IronDad? (I'm a sucker for Peter whump ngl) also, pretty please could you add me to your tag list?

Thank you so much for requesting this, it was so fun to write! And as you already know by now, yes, you have been added to the tag list ;]

Irondad Tag List: @phahbiyah @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @clevermuffinalmondpeach @stuck-in-a-fictional-universe @canonismybitch @freckledmountain @hold-our-destiny + @badthingshappenbingo

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

TWs: Fainting obviously, some negative self-talk, and while no one has an eating disorder in this fic, I do describe his hunger a lot so if you're triggered by that you may want to be careful

Read on Ao3

Peter hated gym. You’d think that after getting superstrength it’d be more fun, but it was honestly no better than before. At least, not since the “no food outside the cafeteria” rule had been implemented. Apparently a lot of kids thought it was funny to hide food in cupboards so it would mold and rot in there, and the school banned eating any food outside the cafeteria.

This wasn’t a big deal for anyone except for Peter. His enhanced metabolism burned so fast that Tony had compared it to Captain America’s, and Peter had to eat every hour to keep up with it. Hourlies, he called them. Normally you’d never see Peter without a snack in his hand, usually a special protein bar made specifically for his needs, but now Peter’s hands and belly were often empty.

Especially in gym class. Gym was his last class of the day, which meant by now his lunch had been hours ago and his stomach was screaming with hunger. He’d tried to sneak food in the locker room but he was caught almost every time as apparently the lockers were the place the most rotten food had been found, so the teachers kept an extra close eye out.

So here he was, running back and forth across the gym, his stomach rumbling so loud Ned could hear it beside him.

“Jesus Peter,” Ned muttered as his belly gave a particularly loud growl. “Are you like, okay?”

“No, I’m fucking starving,” Peter said, rubbing his middle as it spasmed painfully. “God I hate this. It’s only been a week and I feel like I’m going insane.”

“This can’t be good for you Peter, you should really tell someone,” Ned said worriedly. “I really don’t like seeing you going hungry like this.” Peter gave a small chuckle as they started running again.

“I tried, they didn’t listen to me. But I’m alright, I’m Spider-Man, a little hunger can’t stop me,” he said. But when his stomach rumbled so loud Peter saw a couple people glance at him, Ned raised his eyebrows.

“Forgive me if I don’t believe that was ‘a little hunger’,” he said. Peter’s face went red and he looked away, quiet. Well, quiet except for his belly.

They ran in relative silence for a few minutes, until somehow, Peter actually started to feel worse. Something he didn’t actually know was possible.

His head started pounding and his vision began swimming lazily as a wave of nausea overtook him. Peter stumbled, and was buffeted to the side by several runners behind him, almost falling over until Ned caught him by the elbows.

“Peter? Peter are you okay!?” he asked, the look of worry distorted in Peter’s eyes.

“I-I think I’m gonna pass out,” Peter mumbled. Peter fell against the wall and slid into a sitting position, clutching his face in his hands as the world swam around him.

“Shit, shit, I knew this was gonna happen,” Ned said. “Okay, let’s get you to the nurse.”

Peter nodded, and stood up.

But suddenly, the world was black, and the biting hunger was gone.

~~~

“Kid. Kid, wake up, c’mon Pete, let’s get you back to the tower,” said a voice, slowly pulling Peter back to consciousness.

“Mmm?” Peter opened his eyes to find a slightly blurry, concerned face looking down at him. Tony. “Oh. Hey, Tony.”

The frown in Tony’s brow deepened and he made a noise of sympathy.

“Jeez, you really are sick, aren’t you? Why did you go to school like this?” Peter raised his eyebrows.

“They told you I was sick?” he mumbled, sitting up and massaging his stomach as the deep ache returned.

“What else would they have told me?” Tony asked. Peter sighed and shook his head.

“Let’s just go. I’ll explain when we get in the car,” he muttered. Peter pushed himself up with shaking arms and Tony gently put his hand under one of his elbows to help him up.

“You’re shaking,” Tony said, concern now filling his voice.

“I know,” Peter said grimly. “I just wanna get out of here.” Tony opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it and quickly started the process of signing Peter out of school. Peter sat at one of the chairs in the main office, hugging his backpack to his aching tummy, willing it not to growl in the quiet room.

Eventually they were able to leave, and they made their way as quickly as they could to the car Tony had parked out front. Tony took his backpack and put it in the trunk while Peter eased himself into the passenger seat. He pressed his fingers deep into his belly as it cramped with hunger.

“I know, I know,” he muttered to his stomach, hearing the trunk slam behind him. “We’ll eat in a little bit. Not long now.” Tony sat in the driver's seat a second later, and looked at Peter with concern.

“Alright kid. Out with it, what’s going on?” he said, putting on hand comfortingly on Peter’s knee. Peter opened his mouth, but his stomach interrupted him with a loud growl.

It was so loud Peter could feel the empty rumbles against his palms, and he closed his eyes in embarrassment and misery, curling in on himself and wishing he would sink into the earth forever.

“Jesus… kid was that your stomach?” he heard Tony say, the sympathy in his voice making Peter’s ears turn red.

“I-I haven’t eaten anything since lunch,” Peter muttered. “That’s why I passed out.” He suddenly felt his eyes start to sting. God this was such a stupid thing to cry about. He’s just hungry, this isn’t the end of the world, so why does he feel so awful?

“Oh, oh god Peter, okay, it’ll be alright kid, let’s just get you something to eat then, yeah?” Tony said, quickly starting up the car and driving out of the parking lot. Peter just nodded, unable to trust his voice to keep steady and trying his best not to let the tears spill from his eyes. It was another minute before Tony spoke again.

“Why did the school tell me you were just sick? Why haven’t you eaten in so long, kid? We set up your Hourlies months ago, and with how you look right now I’d have a hard time believing you just forgot--”

“The school made a rule that we can’t eat outside the cafeteria. So the only times I’ve been able to eat are before school, at lunch, and sometimes I can sneak something between classes in the bathroom if I have enough time. They probably told you I was sick because no one else has passed out from hunger yet, so they assumed I was just the idiot who decided to go to school sick,” Peter said, massaging his tummy as it continued to spasm and gurgle. “Though I have a feeling Ned told them what happened and they just ignored him. Teachers don’t tend to listen to us. I even tried to tell a teacher I had some sort of stomach condition so I had to eat more often, but they just started pressing for details and saying they wanted to get a doctors note and permission from Aunt May and all this shit and I just… honestly I just decided to give up and deal with it. Even though I know Aunt May would give permission, I can’t get a doctor’s note, and I hate the idea of being singled out as The One Kid who’s allowed to eat in class. That’s a great way to get everyone to have a grudge against you.”

“Jeez…” Tony said. “How long has this been going on?”

“A week,” Peter muttered.

“Kid, are you telling me you’ve been going hungry like this for a whole week? Why didn’t you tell me?” he exclaimed.

“I don’t know, I just… after getting told no by the teacher I just didn’t bother. I haven’t been able to focus or think all week and I just… I didn’t even consider it. I’m sorry,” Peter said. Tony sighed and gave him a small pat on the shoulder.

“It’s alright, nothing to be sorry for, this isn’t your fault,” he said, turning into the parking lot of a McDonalds. “A couple Big Macs you’re thinkin’ kid?” he asked. Peter’s belly answered with a deep grumble, and Tony nodded. “Four then. With fries and a milkshake.”

Peter nodded shyly, and Tony gave him an encouraging smile as he got out of the car and hurried to the building to order Peter’s food.

Peter took a deep breath, curling in on himself and hugging his stomach, clenching his teeth as more tears stung his eyes, eventually spilling out and rolling down his face.

“Dammit, no, stop it, stop it stop it stop it, not again,” Peter muttered, wiping his eyes furiously on his sleeves.

Peter had cried almost every day since the ban had started, and honestly couldn’t figure out why. The first time happened at lunch, and he was barely able to keep his composure before rushing to the bathroom and bursting into tears. Another time had actually been at breakfast oddly enough, Aunt May had almost had him stay home from school. The time before now had been yesterday when he got home, tears rolling silently down his face as he dragged several containers of food out of the fridge.

“Stop it, what’s wrong with you, you’re fine, stop being so stupid Peter, god. This isn’t something you cry over, you’re just hungry, you’re not dying, so stop being a fucking idiot--” The sound of the car door opening startled him into silence, and he looked up in surprise.

“Alright kiddo, I got your food, I don’t often like using the ‘I’m famous’ card but considering the circumstances I thought we should be fast--” he cut off as he caught sight of Peter’s face. “Oh Pete, are you crying?”

“No! No, I-I’m fine, it’s stupid, I--”

“Hey, it’s alright, it’s okay,” Tony said softly, sitting down and shutting the door. He held out the bag and Peter felt his mouth watering fervently as the smell hit his nose. His belly clenched hard and he quickly took the bag, trembling fingers wrapping around the greasy burger and opening it.

The first bite sent Peter’s tummy into a frenzy, begging loudly for more, which he was all too happy to oblige. He started breathing heavily as he stuffed more food into his mouth, the tears spilling out of his eyes causing small whines of frustration between bites.

And the tears only increased when Tony smoothed a hand on his back and started whispering words of comfort to him.

“It’s okay buddy, you’re gonna be alright,” he said softly. Peter finished the burger a minute later, and he sat for a moment, eyes squeezed shut, gripping his knees and taking several slow, deep breaths. He was nowhere near satisfied, he still had three burgers, fries, and a milkshake left after all, but he finally felt well enough for the tears to ease a bit and let him speak.

“I… I’m sorry I cried like that, I don’t know what’s wrong with me--”

“Woah, hey, no it’s okay to cry Pete, you’re alright,” Tony said, rubbing more circles into Peter’s back.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just I don’t do that usually, but I’ve just been it doing all week and I don’t understand--”

“Peter, you haven’t been able to properly eat for a week. That really messes with you, both physically and emotionally. Your body and mind are overwhelmed and honestly, when that happens, you cry. Anyone who’s in your position would feel the same,” he said. Tony moved his hand from Peter’s back and put it under his chin, coaxing him to look up. “It’s okay, kiddo. You’re not being irrational. You just get some more food in your belly, and I’ll get us home, okay?”

Peter sniffed and nodded with a watery smile. Tony brushed a tear from Peter’s cheek and smiled back before starting the car.

Peter finished another burger by the time they got to the tower, now feeling well enough to walk without his knees shaking. When they got to the living quarters they sat on the couch together, Peter tucked safely under Tony’s arm, munching happily on his burger and dipping his fries in his milkshake while they watched Star Wars. Peter went to sleep with his stomach heavy and full of food, and when he went back to school on Monday, the ban had been lifted for reasons nobody seemed to know.

Peter sent Tony a thank you text that morning, crunching down happily on a granola bar in homeroom.

No problem, kid.

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champagne-bucky · 4 years

Text

The Undoing: Three

Summary: The truth about a past life is unveiled.

Warnings: THIS IS A DARK STORY!! dark! Steve Rogers x reader, kidnapping, non con and dub con (or at least mentions of), dark! Bucky Barnes, Stockholm syndrome, grooming, mentions of pregnancy termination and suicide mentions (for one chapter), possibly more tags to be added!

Notes: Hahaha... remember this story? Lol so I finally can give to you Chapter 3!! I feel so bad that this was so late, but school really kicked my ass so hard and I’ve just been so unmotivated. I’m gonna try my hardest to give you guys this story and some other stuff I’ve been working on! I hope you guys enjoy this one! Please make sure to like, reblog, comment, inbox, and follow me for more!! Enjoy :)

PLEASE READ WARNINGS!!

Hell must be an eternal bliss. If it’s anything compared to how you’ve been living your life the past few years then Satan himself has nothing on Steve Rogers.

Life was never the same after that day in the hospital. From the moment you left that bed to the moment you arrived home with your little Sasha, Steve had already struck the fear of God into your soul. From the second you entered into your prison, Steve had wrestled the newborn out of your hands and into his. What followed after was a swift grab of your hair and a drag down the basement steps.

“You can leave when you learn,” Steve spat at you before locking your ankle back into place.

Those days were the darkest moments of your life. You never got to see Sasha, well you did interact with her you just couldn't physically see her. Steve made sure of that. Every time poor baby Sasha was hungry you were subjected to a blindfold around your eyes. Steve said it was part of your punishment. You tried to take away his family, he would take away yours, at least the sight of them.

That was all you got with precious Sasha. This punishment was real and it ended up fucking with your mental and physical health.

*a few months later*

How long has it been down here? Months, year? It couldn’t have been weeks. Life was going on all around you and you had missed it all.

Steve taunted you, he got off on your absence in Sasha’s life. The doctors had told Steve it was safe to start using bottled milk after a while which meant there was no chance of you to even feel Sasha and her touch. No more, you saw nothing, not even a shred of hope.

*18 months*

You had cracked, it had officially happened. That light you hoped would never fade has burned itself out. In its place a hollow bulb left with no purpose. The only difference between you and the bulb? Your purpose was to be solely Steve’s. You didn’t belong to anyone else, not even baby Sasha.

These last months had broken you down into the compilable puppet Steve wanted you to be. You missed everything in your baby’s first year of life all because of that stupid mistake the night of her birth. Steve tortured you even further by not even mentioning the baby one bit. It’s like there wasn’t even a baby at all. At one point, you feared that Steve might’ve given her away, but he accidentally slipped one night during your punishment by mentioning her. Sasha was your last source of joy and you couldn’t even see her.

“I wanna have another one,” Steve mentions to you while you eat the food he brought you. For the past months you were only given his scraps of food, it’s no wonder why he’s giving you full meals lately, he wants you strong for another baby.

The stubborn girl inside you wanted to scream no, but you knew what would happen if you did. If having another baby would make Steve happy, you would do it. Maybe you could wager your way out of the basement.

“I would like that too, Steve. A little sister or brother for Sasha,” Steve hid his shock. He was fully expecting you to have another outburst, but you seemed so compliant now.

“Why don’t we go upstairs and see little Sasha,” you gasped at Steve’s suggestion. You would finally be able to see your little girl after all this time.

Steve led you up the stairs for what would be the last time for a while now. The bright light of the upstairs hit your face and you needed to adjust to it. He led you over to the living room area and that’s when you saw her.

She was sitting with Bucky and playing with her toys. You had tears in your eyes as you broke away from Steve’s hold and ran to Sasha. Bucky eyed you up and down. You were dirty. Hair long overdue for a cut and your nails were grimey. You were a wreck. What had Steve done to you down there?

You picked up your daughter and held her close. She cried. In fact, she was wailing to the point where her face was turning beat red. Sasha started failing her limbs around and looked for her daddy. It took both Steve and Bucky to pry you away from your daughter. Steve took her into his arms and soothed her.

“I think she needs a nap,” Steve then handed your daughter to Bucky as he brought her upstairs.

“I don’t understand,” you were kneeling on the floor now looking at the staircase Bucky had just gone up.

“Oh, well she doesn’t know who you are. You're more a stranger to her than a mother,” you didn’t even want to turn around to see the grin on Steve’s face. He lifted you into his arms.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” you didn’t even realize you were crying, “she’ll come to know you soon enough. Now let’s get you upstairs and cleaned up. We have plans.”

*5 months later*

It was a brutal few months. Months filled with trial and error in regards to getting pregnant again. Months spent in a bathroom crying over another negative pregnancy test. Months spent living in Steve’s disappointment due to your failure to conceive a child. However, that silver lining came in at the five month mark. Finally, there were tears of celebration from both you and Steve. The latest addition to your family would be on their way soon enough.

During this time, you got to see Sasha, but barely. With every failure that came Steve would redact the amount of time you two would spend together. Some days he wouldn’t let you see each other at all because of your “unwillingness to commit to this family” and that broke your heart.

You were groomed to be the perfect wife and perfect mother to this family and goddammit were you sure not going to fail. Steve had taught you how a wife should serve and act around their husband and you followed his every command like an obedient dog. Now, you finally succeeded with this baby and were back in Steve’s perfect graces.

*a few years later*

The routine was always the same. Get up, get dressed, feed the babies, and make breakfast for your husband before he locked himself away in the office for the day. Take care of the babies and clean around the house. Make lunch for Steve and maybe have some alone time together if the babies are down for a nap. Not if, they better be down for a nap, Steve’s orders.

Grocery shopping is to be done on the weekends and weekends only. Steve will go out because only you can watch the babies. If you needed something you forgot to write on the list, too bad it would have to wait until next weekend.

It was a good system, a steady routine. You didn’t argue with Steve because you knew better than to question his ideas. Plus, you didn’t mind staying home with the babies. You loved taking care of them and spending so much time with them. To be honest, you even hated putting the little ones to bed because that meant you would be apart. The babies were keeping you in one piece.

Of course Steve was doing his part as well. The perfect husband. A man you didn’t know you needed in your life to be your provider. He truly was becoming an ideal man.

The babies were doing great. After Sasha you gave birth to another girl, Gwenyd. Sasha was a helpful big sister to her and you couldn't wait to tell them about the newest little one to join your perfect family.

Life for baby Sasha was as simple it could be for a toddler. She got naps and food and spent the whole day with her mommy. Needless to say she was living the ideal toddler life. However, past her toddler years she was taking up responsibilities that a little girl shouldn’t have.

Ever since she turned 6, Sasha would help her mother out with the younger siblings. It was a sweet sight to see. You had taught Sasha how to feed the little ones, how to change them, how to dress them, like one big game of house. This was the bonding time you had always craved with your little girl.

Steve thought that it was endearing. A mother and daughter helping take care of his children. He really did have the perfect family.

As the years went on, Sasha had gotten older and she had more siblings to help take care of. You were burnt out by then. A new baby almost every year or two. Luckily, you had your daughter helping you out, but she shouldn't have to be subjected as a second parent when there was another perfectly capable one sitting locked in his office.

On top of that, you now have to homeschool these children while making sure the helpless little ones were being properly taken care of. Needles to say, you were on the verge of a breakdown and Steve wasn’t willing to help out with some of it.

Sure, he would have his bonding time with the babies, but when it came to the older ones and homeschooling he couldn't deal with that headache. After all, he did tell you that if you didn’t want them sent to a daycare then you would have to take up all the responsibilities while he was at work.

He knew you wouldn’t send the kids away, you were too attached to losing them like you had lost yourself. They were the only thing stringing your reality together and keeping the cracks from splitting further down the line. You were happy, he convinced himself, happy and compliant.

*a few years later*

Why didn’t you take that deal with Steve when the kids were younger? Why couldn’t you just let them thrive in a better learning environment? You are worried you’ll fail these kids. Worried that you’ll screw them up. You were close to shattering.

Being pregnant again and teaching your daughter how to do fractions, that not even you knew how to explain, was taking a toll on your mental state. You wanted a break. Just one day where you didn’t need to worry about what was for dinner or what’s tomorrow’s new lesson play. You NEEDED a break.

Steve wouldn’t let you go anywhere. The rules had never changed. You never even got to be in your backyard alone. Didn’t anyone realize that no one but Steve ever left the house?

The kids were sometimes allowed out, but only when Steve had the time to take them, which was rarely. Bucky never came around anymore. You didn’t know any details, but assumed they must’ve had a falling out. Steve never told you anything about his work or about family or friends. Frankly, you didn’t care as much either. This was your new life now and the past was in the past.

Steve was going to kill his wife. If it wasn’t him killing his wife then then it would be the first person who would cross his path. How could she be so careless? How could HE be so careless? He thought the locks he bought for the house were secure enough to keep his wife in, guess not. Turns out all it took was his 13 year old daughter swiping away a key he thought he misplaced for the total shit storm to come down on him.

It all started on a quiet afternoon, the wife was cooking in the kitchen and the kids were playing in their rooms. There was a knock on the door, Steve told his wife not to bother as he went to answer it. He remembers the feared look on the one agent's face as they announced they were CPS coming in for an investigation. Needless to say after they left, Steve went berserk. Not only on his wife, but on Sasha too.

“HOW COULD YOU BE SO CARELESS?” Sasha was clinging to her mother with tears streaming down her face.

“Steve please don’t be so hard on-”

“YOU STAY OUT OF IT. I’LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER,” well you knew better than to interrupt at that point.

Steve was pacing back and forth while yelling at how careless and stupid his daughter was. Sasha was scarred from that night on. She was afraid of disappointing her father and mother anymore. So, she became more quiet and reserved than usual. You thought it was awful the way Steve broke her down, Steve thought it would teach her to be better.

CPS wouldn’t let up on their investigation with the Rogers family. Steve noticed that someone was always watching them. Whether it was from across the street or an impromptu visit, they were always around.

He needed to get them off his back somehow. If they were to find out who his wife really was then it was to the prison cell for a long time. Of course the cops had been looking for you. In fact, your father offered to fund all the money in their pockets to keep their investigation going. The case ran cold a few years back, Bucky told him that before he departed for the next few years.

Steve did the most drastic, and most likely stupid, thing he could’ve thought of: he enrolled his eldest in high school.

It might backfire, but if Sasha just stuck to the carefully coordinated routine Steve laid out for her, then all would be fine...right?

Tags to be added in comments!!

#dark avengers #dark captain america #dark steve rogers #dark steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fic #dark marvel #mcudarklibrary #dark bucky barnes #dark james barnes #dark winter soldier

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tonydadisbestdad · 4 years

Text

Perfection

Dad!Tony

Word Count: 1,582

Request by: @shady80smusicsingercolor

Summary: A lesson on perfection.

A/N: Sorry that’s it’s been a while guys! Even with being less busy I’ve had a lot going on and a lot less motivation to write. Sorry also that this request took so long for me to fill.

Perfection. Noun. The quality or state of being perfect such as freedom from fault or defect, i.e., flawlessness. An unsurpassable degree of excellence.

It is what you were meant to be. What was expected of you. You had to do everything to perfection. You had to be perfection personified, otherwise what was the point?

Except you were far from it. You were only human after all.

‘Y/N Stark’s transcript released, heir to Stark industry only has a 3.0 GPA’

‘Tony Stark’s daughter caught arguing with paparazzi’

‘Y/N Stark’s skincare routine for dealing with severe acne’

They went on and on. Every possible flaw they could find would be picked on. Even when you strived for the top, for perfection. So why was it that even when you pulled your grades up, even when you weren’t actually arguing with the pap, and you bought the best makeup to hide any blemishes on your skin, they still picked at you.

It hurt. Why didn’t they understand you were a 16 year old girl who just wanted to live her life and not be criticized 24/7.

What used to be a problem you could ignore seemed only to grow. It was gradually becoming a cesspool in your mind of negativity.

Tears made their way down your cheeks one afternoon. It was a big fear of yours, dating. But this one guy who you really liked had asked you out. You thought everything was great. But that afternoon he broke up with you. It hurt, he was only the second guy you’d ever given a chance and yet he took your heart and smashed it.

He said it was because he didn’t like the speculations in the tabloids about you, that all your negative traits they talked about seemed true and he didn’t want to be with someone so in the spotlight.

It broke your heart so much that even though you had 3 classes left in the day you lied to the school staff saying you were feeling ill and they called Happy to take you home.

You held yourself together long enough to make it to your room at the compound before you broke down.

But just your luck you only had about 5 minutes of peace before there was a knock on your door.

You held your breath to keep from sobbing again. You didn’t want to talk to anyone and you knew that no member of the team would stop from entering if they thought something was wrong.

“Y/N?” Steve called, knocking softly again.

You didn’t answer him.

He sighed behind the door, he knew you were crying, he could blame his perfect superhuman hearing, but he knew he’d be able to hear you no matter because you were just across the hall from him.

“I’m coming in,” he warned, opening your door.

You buried yourself deeper into your pillows. “I’m fine Uncle Steve, I just want to be alone.”

“You don’t seem fine, sweetheart,” He argued. “What’s going on?” There was a dip in your bed beside you, and a hand stroked through your hair.

The gentle touch brought another sob out of you. “Why-why am I like this Uncle Steve?”

Steve’s frown deepened. “What do you mean?”

You sniffled and pulled your head up to look at him. “Why do I have to be like this? S-so imperfect.”

“Nobody’s perfect, doll. What’s got you so worked up about something like that?”

Sobbing you continued to hide in your pillow. You shook your head in response.

“Y/N, listen, I want to help you but I can’t do that if you can’t tell me what’s wrong.”

You were quiet for a while, in that time you managed to calm some. At least enough to pull your face away from the wet pillow.

Steve stroked your hair the whole time, hoping the contact would help relieve some of your stress.

“I wish I was someone else,” you whispered. “I wish dad never kept me, so I could just be normal. Why-why does everyone expect me to be perfect? Why do they make it hurt so much?”

“Hey,” Steve stated. “You don’t mean that. Your dad loves you. No family is normal. No one is perfect, like I said. You might be different because of who you are but don’t see that as a downfall. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be you and anyone that tells you otherwise is wrong.”

You shook your head and pressed your face back into your pillow. “You don’t get it Uncle Steve… you don’t have to worry about how-how your skin looks, or what other teens think about you, or how smart you aren’t just because your dad is a genius- I-I hate my life, it’s not fair. Everyone thinks I have the world because of who I am but no one ever stops to think about how I feel about what they say about me.”

“You can’t let others control how you feel, doll. Do you think your dad would be so successful if he cared about everything every person that doesn’t have any impact on him said?”

“I’m not my dad!” You shouted, wincing because you hadn’t really expected it to come out that way. A soft whimper left you and you curled more in on yourself.

Sighing, Steve leaned down and kissed your head. “No, you aren’t. I just meant that you shouldn’t care for anyone else's opinions of you except for those that matter.”

You thought over his words and while you knew he was right, it still didn’t take away your pain. It did help you feel like you mattered to anyone as anything other than what your imperfections showed.

An alarm going off on Steve’s phone had you pulling your head up slightly.

He shut it off with another sigh. “I might need to go, sweetheart. But I can stay if you need me to.”

You shook your head. “I really just want to be alone, Uncle Steve…”

Nodding, he offered you one last kiss to your head before making his way to the lab.

He divulged everything to Tony, who quickly made his way to you.

He didn’t bother knocking, he just opened your door and walked in. “Sunshine, what’s going on? Your uncle betrayed you and told me you were upset.” He laid down beside you, and started to try to remove the pillow from your grasp.

The second the door opened you whimpered and clutched your pillow tight. You knew you shouldn’t have told him. Of course he’d send your dad. You ignored him and favored clutching your pillow to keep him from taking it.

“Fine, keep the pillow. But you still need to talk to me. What’s got you so down?”

You mumbled into the pillow.

“Huh? Was that-, was that my baby girl trying to talk to me? I couldn’t hear her past that pillow over her mouth.”

Whining you pulled the pillow away. “Nothing’s wrong, dad. Go away, I just wanna be alone.”

“Nope, not gonna work. Tell me, why do you think there's something wrong with you? There’s not by the way but I want to know why you think there is.”

You sighed, your eyes stung with tears again. “Tommy br-broke up with me because of the stuff the tabloids have-have been saying about me… I-I don’t care that he broke up with me… it’s-it’s the why. I know I’m not perfect… but why do they have to pick at that? Why do they have to remind me that I’m not a genius, I have bad skin, I’m not pretty, I don’t have any talents, I don’t dress right, I give the pap attitude-“

“Whoa there, sunshine!” Your dad cut you off. “None of those things make someone perfect. You are perfect. Want to know what makes you perfect?”

“You’re my dad, of course you think I’m perfect.”

He chuckled. “Well, no duh. But that’s not what it is. You’re perfect how you are because it is who you are. It’s all the good you do for the world and others. It’s how you love. It’s how you try so hard at everything you do because you want it to be perfect. But just because stuff isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Want to know something?”

“Hm?” You mumbled.

“The pap plucks out people's flaws and insecurities to show all the jealous people in the world that just like them they’re their own person. And to make them jealous because I guarantee you the majority of the people out there don’t believe the tabloids anyway. And you shouldn’t either, sweetie.”

“But-“

“No, no buts. Listen, I love you. The only opinions from others that you should care about are the people that you care about. If you care about every last opinion of every person, well you’ll never feel good. You should only care about the ones that really matter. Got it?”

You sniffled. You both knew it wasn’t a complete fix, but you nodded your head, knowing that your dad was pretty right. If you cared about every last person’s opinion of you, of course you’d never be happy. But you already knew that the people that you cared about the most and the ones who felt that way about you, well, those were good. Those were the ones that made you who you are. Perfect or not.

Tags: Wanna be tagged just ask!

@manchurian-barnes , @marrvelle-fics , @chloe-geoghegan1 , @buckysendoftheline , @peterparkerscamera , @esistmon , @httpmcrvel , @karlitabi-rrito , @ximaginx

#dad tony #dad tony stark #tony stark #dad!tony #dad!tonystark #tony #iron man #xreader #readerx #insert #insert reader #reader insert #steve rodgers #uncle steve #marvel #request

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bxoken-heartss · 4 years

Text

Lying: Richard Camacho

A/N: Hey people. Yes it’s me..I’m back with a good work..I just hope it is. Well this is my entry for @papichriscnco ‘s writing challenge! CONGRATULATIONS Mami!! You deserve it all! So this is my first time experimenting with a Richard work so hope y’all enjoy it! :)

Warnings: Heartbreak, brief mentions of sex or suggestive content.

Words: 16,000 +

Y/N : Your Name

Y/L/N: Your Last Name

Y/BFF/N: Your Best friend’s name.

And I have inserted names for personal convenience. So if my names have offended you in any manner, this is purely unintentional and I’m apologizing well in advance

~ ~ ~: Lyrics wise ending scenario

///: A contrast between before and after sorta thing

- - -: Timeskip

BOLD WORDS: Important words

Bold underlined words: (I can’t underline..) Lyrics of the song used.

Song used: Lying - PrettyMuch ft. Lil Tjay

Tag List: @wwecncowhydontwetrash @calypsocnco @trollintraining @midnightjmadness @pimentelssmile @that-bitch-toxica @zabdidaddi @tu-sonrisaaa-te-amooo @besosdecnco @cnco-hoenesty @mochabunnisblog (Tell me if you want to be added in the tag list!)

Richard and Y/N were one of the best examples to still believe that love was still out there for everyone and it was beautiful to be in love...but that was something that happened once upon a time...A few cheating scandals, daily dosage of unhealthy fights, his unhealthy "overprotective" nature, their decision to remain friends rather than lovers, his inability to maintain a serious relationship...all were the contributing factors to the end of their 10 month relationship..

But they were mature adults and saw the break up as something mutual. So despite the chaos they had in their relationship, they still agreed to remain friends and managed to maintain it.

So random calls in the middle of the night, early mornings or just odd times of the day...weren't anything new to the pair.

They'd just talk like normal acquaintances..like there wasn't anything sour between them..

So it wasn't surprising when Y/N got a call at 3:00 in the morning. She rubbed her eyes softly as she picked up her phone and stared at the bright screen as his name flashed on it.

"Hello?" He says as she grumbles and grunts in response "Oh god..Sorry to call you.." He says clearly embarrassed

"Sort of unexpected at this hour.." Y/N replies

"Well..I thought you'd be sleeping so I was gonna leave a message. But I just wanted to hear if you were doing well...I kind of forgot you weren't in Miami anymore..." Richard comments

"You need to understand that not everyone lives in Miami Richard Camacho.." Y/N grumbles as she lets out a soft yawn

"Okay okay I'm sorry...go back to sleep princesa.. I'll call you up later.." He says

"No..no...its's fine..talk...I'm awake.." Y/N mumbles as she clumsily sits up, her hair strands falling on her face as she messily tucks it behind her ear.

"Ya sure? You sound extremely tired...I can call you some other time.." He says as he looks around

"Nah..It's fine..tell me..how are you doing? All good I hope..." Y/N asks casually as she softly rubs her eyes

"I'm doing well..just counting my blessings and happy about whatever I have achieved in life..well what about you mi amol?" He asks

Despite whatever had happened between the two of you..he still couldn't stop his flirty self throughout the entire "friendship" . The saying old habits die hard would be suitable enough for the situation.

"Yeah I'm doing well too...That's good to know Richard." Y/N replies as she lets out an intentional cough so as to cover up how flustered he still made her.

The duo began talking about things in general..from daily routines to just random topics..the both of them comfortable with each other..as if they were still dating..or didn't end things in a sour note.

"Amazing..so well how's work? Stressful?" Richard asks her

"Well..some days. But somehow..yeah I do get enough sleep..so I'm fine..what about you? Do you drink plenty of water? Are you eating healthy?" Y/N asks, her tone filled with concern

"I'm fine..Are you stressing out before any fashion shows or castings?" He asked as if taunting her

"No! Of course..maybe...okay fine I do...But not..okay you're right! I still do get nervous!" She replies flustered at how much he still remembered about her.

"See I know you so well.." He states

"Yeah..too well..actually.." She replies almost whispers as she lets out a quiet sigh but Richard hears it "I- - I didn't-- I mean- -I'm sorry"

Awkward silence fills in the air..as both of them let out uncomfortable breathes..

"It's - -Don't apologize- -" Richard replies as he pauses for while

"I'll call you later..Take care Hermosa. I..Lo- -" Richard begins as he pauses halfway "I mean..sleep tight..Sweet dreams...Bye.." He says

"Take care Richu- -" She begins as she lets out an intentional cough "Don't work yourself out..Bye.." She says as she hangs up.

This was how most of their conversations ended..one of them would feel old beautiful memories return..but things between them had ended..so feelings had no place in their conversations..

~ ~ ~

Y/N kept on politely turning down all the proposals she had received..she didn't feel right after the breakup..She didn't want to take part in the game of LOVE anymore...well not anytime soon though..She didn't know what was she feeling but to say that feeling played with her head would be an understatement. She found her thoughts drifting over to him. Was he eating well? Was he healthy enough? Was he drinking too much? Was he getting enough sleep? She couldn't help but feel a bit dis hearted when she thought of him with another girl..Well she knew they had broken up but she'd feel..weird and..a bit disappointed..

"Okay babes...that is like the 23rd guy you have rejected these 2 weeks!? Are you okay?!?" Y/BFF/N asks as she sits in one of the seats of the greenroom

"I am absolutely fine..I don't like going around dating and getting laid..You do know that right? And besides I just broke up..So I don't want to rush things..you get what I mean?"

"Yes yes..Of course I do..But are you sure the only reason you aren't getting back into a relationship is because...maybe somewhere deep down inside..you still like Richard?" Y/BFF/N asks as she looks at you

The room fills with uncomfortable silences and awkward tensions as Y/N lets out a sigh

"It is true then...Come on Y/N pick a side! You can't sit here grumbling over your feelings and rejecting people..Either get over him or get under him!" Y/BFF/N states, her tone stern

"Y/BFF/N!!!" Y/N scolds

"I'm just being practical...you're absolutely miserable..Why are you pretending like you're fine? I'm pretty sure he feels the same to..why are you both keeping on this facade..?" Y/BFF/N asked

"That's...just.. highly absurd Y/BFF/N..I don't feel anything for him.. Even if I did..it was all in the past..I don't like him romantically anymore.." Y/N comments as she runs a hand through her hair

"But think about it..you were never the one to get into a relationship with anyone within a nights' time and that too WITHOUT getting laid..You know he's not after you for your looks or your body..he just likes you for the fun, bubbly, cheerful, nervous you!" Y/BFF/N

"That's why were dating Y/BFF/N..I respect his existence and the memories he had given me..but I couldn't deal with his..unattractive overprotective nature..and the rumors, hate, scandals, names and just everything was a bit..too..overwhelming..in a negative manner"

"But..he wasn't worried or wasn't like he didn't trust you..it was just..he just didn't trust people around you..."

"I'm not a five year old kid who's going to talk to a stranger and let him kidnap me.."

"But Y/N- -" Y/BFF/N

"But just think about it..I just have so much time to go out..have sometime for myself..He did me a huge favor honestly..I have so much more time to focus on my work..So in reality..I'm so much better now.." Y/N replies a bit loudly and sternly as if trying to convince herself to believe her own words

"Y/N...I've talked what I had to..Now it's up to you.." Y/BFF/N gets up and walks towards Y/N "I just want you to be happy with your decisions and have no regrets about whatever your doing in life..It's all up to you to take the right decision..okay?" She asks as she quickly squeezes her shoulder in reassurance

"I understand Y/BFF/N..But I am happy...I don't want him to be a part of my life..I have barely focused on myself during the relationship so this is..just more relaxing..." Y/N replies

"Well if you say so..ever wanna talk about something..hit me up! Take care babes.." Y/BFF/N says as she pecks her cheek

"Take care.." Y/N says as Y/BFF/N as walks out

- - -

Y/N went home straight away after the casting..feeling completely wrecked and exhausted. She was grateful she didn't have a morning shift scheduled for tomorrow. She walked into her apartment as she was greeted by her helper who looked after her place,Maria.

"Good Evening Y/L/N" Maria greeted

"Please cut the formality..Y/N will do..Good Evening.." Y/N replies

"You seem exhausted Y/N..I've prepared Y/F/M for you..And also turned on the geyser for your daily bath.."

"I can't thank you enough for all you do..I'm so grateful for all you do Maria.."

"Oh of course..it's my duty after all.."

"It's already pretty late..I suggest you should go home and get some rest.." Y/N comments as she takes out her purse

"Yes I do suppose..will you be fine alone? or do you want me- -"

"I'm perfectly fine..Just need to get some rest..Here take this.." Y/N says as she hands out Maria's wages

"Oh thank you Miss.Y/N..."

"And give these to Allison and Troy..They'd love these!" Y/N says as she hands her a medium sized packet of chocolates and other candies assortments referring to Maria's children

"Oh I can't possibly- -"

"Consider it as a gift..."

"Thank you Miss Y/N...but you've paid me more than what is requi- -"

"Hey come on..keep it..It's for all the extra favors you have done for me without asking for any extra money..Please I insist.." Y/N says as

"If you say so..Goodnight Miss Y/N.." Maria says as she walks towards the door

"Goodnight Maria..give me regards to Allison and Troy.."

"I will..Take care.." Maria says as she walks out off the door

"You too.." Y/N says as she closes the door

Y/N walks into her bedroom as she peels off her clothes and heads inside the bathroom for a hot long relaxing shower in an attempt to drown her worries and stress..

She gets out of the shower in her bathrobe as she gets changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas. After she dries her hair she walks towards her kitchen as she grabs a glass of red wine and her dinner plate in her another hand..heading towards the living room as she turns on the television flipping lazily through the channels..The NoteBook was currently playing in Star Movies HD as she keeps the remote down and begins eating her dinner, savoring her dinner. The movie played on..her stomach tightening with a very uncomfortable feeling as she quickly changes the movie..

It brought back memories..Date nights whenever one of them were tired..or was still hungover a heavy schedule they crashed into one of their places..Just some Netflix, some pasta or some home made sh*ts that would end up burnt, take away food and just cuddling. If she was extremely exhausted and just wanted to rest..he'd give her various massages untying the stressful knots that stayed in her body..while she closed her eyes and merely enjoyed it. Whenever he was stressed, he was more of a ranter...He'd rant and rant on and she'd listen to it carefully while she ran her fingers through his hair calming him down..

She really craved for a body massage right now..not any random person's...just Richard hands all over her patiently untying all the knots all around her body..But he wasn't hers anymore.

Stupid movie. Stupid body ache. Stupid feelings.

She hated everyone..and everything...but still a part of her wished if she could go back in the past and fix..things the way it were...but life never gives you second chances..

~ ~ ~

Needless to say...Y/N's and Richard had a passionate life in the bedroom. It wasn't lust that clouded their eyelids, but just love at its highest peak.

Richard wasn't the softest person on bed, but there were days where things would be slow and smooth..when he'd just worship her body, taking his time observing and appreciated every little curve and marks she thought were imperfect. He'd make her feel..that she was the most perfect girl he had ever laid eyes on.

It was just surprising that despite her flaws and imperfections that covered her skin..he still made her feel so special and...deserving..

Their adventures in the bedroom were spicy, crazy and yet..calm and relaxing..all the while nothing but mere love filling the air.

Her eyes gleamed with nothing but genuine love and affection for the Dominican as nothing but soft groans for him fell off her lips..his eyes mirroring the same emotion as he let out satisfied grunts.

///

After the breakup, nothing really changed...Y/N goes back continuing her daily life...and with her overall charms and looks she doesn't need to even try hard to get laid down...

So she isn't surprised when another male model she had worked alongside had asked her out on a few dates..she agreed readily...just wanting to get over her oblivious messed feelings.

After he had finally confessed his feelings and asked her to be his girlfriend...she agrees. So after a light dinner and a few drinks, things get a bit out of hand...

He's all over her neck, placing kisses all across every part of her skin that wasn't clothed..she giggles like a schoolgirl..visibly enjoying the attention she received. She fumbled with the door handle to her hotel room so the two of them could enter quickly.

He placed his lips onto hers as his hands wrapped around her waist..The kiss was intense...He was so good at this..but no matter how good his lips felt on hers she couldn't help but all her mind lingered back was thoughts about Richard...

Richard's lips felt so good against hers..She was so used to his touch that anyone else apart from him felt so wrong...

Things had gotten ahead a bit too quickly...but the quicker it happened...the faster these messed thoughts would just evaporate from her mind.. or at least that's what she thought.

So now when she was under the guy who was presumably her present boyfriend..she should have been happy and pleased..someone giving her the attention and affection she deserved and desired...

His lips fumbled around her neck as he pinned her onto the bed, his teeth grazes her skin trying to find that spot that'd make her go weak on her knees. but then it comes up again - her brain drawing a rapid and hazy contrast between him and Richard as he makes his mark on her skin...

Richard knew her all her sensitive spots..the spots she'd go weak on her knees...

His hickeys and love bites just felt right against her skin and was filled with nothing but affection..

Sure there were days he was absolutely rough..but that was just a reminder that she was his...and no one else could ever make her feel that way.

Her present boyfriend's love bites was nothing more than just mere lust.

What was she even doing? Thinking about Richard when she was with her boyfriend?

Y/N places her arms on his chest and forces him off her...He gets the message and stops kissing her.

"I think we should take sometime you know? I just - -I'm sorry..." Y/N says as she looks away

"Hey...It's okay...I understand...Yeah we're moving a bit too quickly...Okay we'll take it slow.." He reassures her as he kisses her cheek

"Yeah...I'm sorry again.." Y/N says

"It's totally okay..." He says as he gets up from her bed and straighten the creases in his dress..

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He asks as she nods "We have a photo shoot tomorrow...hope you remember.." He says as he heads towards the door.

"Yes I do...I'll be there on time..." She says as she stands up heading towards the door

"Goodnight take care..." He says as he looks at her

"Good night..." She says as she softly closes the door.

- - -

She laid down on her bed, her eyes fixated at the ceiling. What had just happened?

She knew she had done the right thing for she barely was paying attention or enjoyed what he was doing to her because all that occupied her head was thoughts about how Richard would make her feel...

It wouldn't be fair on him if she thought about Richard whilst he was under someone new..No matter how desperate she was to get rid off her messy feelings...she didn't want to "use" someone as a source to get over her f*cked up feelings...

Oh god..Aiden must have felt so bad..But then again it wasn't fair on him..He would be absolutely disappointed if he came to know the reason behind all this..

She never even thought she'd miss him.. Well she's used to dating wrong people..some ended fine while others didn't..But none took 4 months to recover..Why was she still hurting from that one specific mistake of hers in the past? Was it because she never felt this intimate with anyone else? The fact that she's felt the most comfortable around Richard..among all her exes...she never even realized she honestly missed him and needed his presence in her life..

But why was she feeling this way? They had ended things in a very sour note...And the breakup was mutual..So why did she have to bother about it now? Crying over spilt milk wasn't the solution to anything but yet here she was on her bed, careless tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to wipe them off

She furiously wiped her tears as she quickly changed into some comfortable pajamas as she laid on her bed, grabbing the spare pillow on her bed.

She didn't feel anything for him..or did she? What was she doing? Pretending to be happy when she felt nothing but pain and guilt? When all she did was lie whenever she talked to Richard assuming he's happier without her and doesn't misses her at all?

She was dying to tell the truth that maybe...deep down inside she wasn't...over him.

Even after all this time..A part of her always cared and still thought about him.

But the thought of him...on top of some OTHER girl...someone else that wasn't her..him treating another the girl right..looking at her like she was the only one he cared about.. making her feel special and deserved..the way he used to make her feel once upon a time? It felt horrible and heavy...almost..mean and selfish at some point?

That sour thought hits her right in her chest..

But still...her thoughts and feelings had no place now..it didn't matter anymore. But if at the end of the day..he was genuinely happy and pleased with his life..He deserved the best and that what she wished for..even if it wasn't her that made him happy..she could live with it...Hat least until she sees him again..

~ ~ ~

Y/N had a private account for all those people she had a closer connection with...Of course it had included her cousin Joel Pimentel and his band mates eventually considering how close they were to her...

Richard didn't bother to un follow her after their breakup...they weren't the type of people who'd delete their exes pictures, un follow each other, cause drama..they both didn't pretend like the other hadn't been a part of their lives...because they had already given each other a lot to remember than to forget...

So Richard stayed updated with her life despite their breakup..He was casually scrolling through his Instagram feed when he finds that she had posted a new picture from her vacations...of her and a man...a man that wasn't him...

She wore a bikini that made all her curves look right and steadied her hat as her man hugs her from behind, his hands safely secured around her waist...the way he used to...

He instantly scrolled through it, focusing his attention towards something else...

Just as he had scrolled down..a number and a name so familiar had chosen to call him...Y/N.

He stared at the screen internally debating on whether he should answer the call or not...all his messy doubts almost disappearing all at once as he answered the call.

"Hello...Richard.. I'm sorry I couldn't answer your call earlier...I was a bit caught up with something.." She says as soon as he answers the call

"Oh...it's okay..How is everything nena?" He asks through the phone though his y

"Yeah everything's fine...What about you? How was recording?? How was that? Did you wear yourself out?" She asks

"Nah..nothing like that...I'm fine..well..you sound cheerful...I'm not complaining though.." Richard comments as he internally sighs

"Oh nothing of that sorta..Just the usual.." Y/N replies, her tone confused

"Just saw your recent post...well it's Aiden right? (Change the name into whatever you want to if you don't like the name )

"Yeah...I had been meaning to talk to you about him..but things were happening quite quick..so.." Y/N trails off

" I genuinely think you look so happy..Congratulations.. I'm hoping he treats you right eh?" Richard says as he tries to keep his tone steady

"Yeah...thanks...." Y/N trails off

Y/N awkwardly shifts the conversation slowly trying to ease the tension in the air...She succeeds in her aim and soon the conversation is shifted elsewhere..

"Yeah and that's what- -" Richard begins

"Shawty...Have you seen my blue t-shirt..I can't seem to find it in here?" A voice from Y/N's line asks

Richard's heart drops immediately as soon as he hears the nickname...

He was the ONLY one who called her that...He wouldn't let ANYONE apart from himself call her that..

And yet here he was..forced to hear the same..But what could he say? She wasn't his girlfriend anymore..he had no rights to comment on her life anymore.

His heart fell as he thought about how much privilege her boyfriend had gotten...calling her the NICKNAME only he used to....the one special nickname he had dedicated to her alone.

"Have you checked inside my closet? You love dumping your clothes inside my closet!!" Y/N yells as she laughs

"Oh...I'm sorry about that Richard.. So what were you-- saying? Richard? Hello? Can you hear me? Your voice sorta keeps breaking off.." Y/N says

Richard felt his voice shaking dangerously... He bit his inner lip as he took in deep breathes.

"I've gotta go..." Richard breathes out, his tone dull

"But Richard..you were say- -" Y/N begins, Richard harshly interrupting her

"The signal here isn't good here...it's breaking..and besides Erick called for me...I gotta go...I'll talk later..." Richard replies coldly as he hangs up the call...

~ ~ ~

That was the last time Richard ever tried to contact her.

He didn't care about her..so why would he even bother and waste his time on someone who barely mattered to him..or at least that's what he thought.

He was fine..living his best life. Enjoying with his friends, going out, partying and the sociable party life he always enjoyed in the past. He had almost lost this part of his life in the entire chaos of being in a relationship.

He seemed so happier without her in her life..he could go back to living life the he was comfortable with. He had no one to impress, no one to commit to or hang onto. Commitment was hard and just..a mere waste of time.

He liked his life the way his life was..without any relationships or responsibilities as such just doing what he enjoyed the most.

So right now he was in a crowded club, the loud party music blaring through both his ears as everyone in the room danced and had the best time of their lives, having no regrets.

He quickly drowned a shot as he rested his chin on his right palm as he stared at his now empty glass...He should be happy right? He finally had gotten back the life he deserved.

But still he felt his heart almost empty holding no emotions and just merely pumping blood..but at the same time he felt a tight sickening feeling capturing his chest. Why was he feeling like this every time his mind thought about her?

He tried to shut his eyes, and relax his manipulated mind for a while. But then he found how Y/N would listen to him whenever he was having a bad day..how she'd run her fingers through his curls a successful attempt to calm him down..how she'd make him feel- -

"Hey..Got a minute Richard?" speaks a voice breaking Richard from his train of thoughts

He looks up to see Zabdiel seated next to him as Richard simply nods, his gaze still fixated on his glass.

"So...hi." Zabdiel trails off trying to begin a conversation

"Hello?" Richard replies a bit confused

"So..umm..do you mind if I'm being honest with you?" Zabdiel asks

"Are you stating you were never honest while you're with me?"

"No- -not like that..It won't be exactly in your favor.."

"I'm fine..tell me.."

"What is honestly wrong with you?" Zabdiel asks as he looks at Richard

"Nothing? Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?"

"Richard please...you and I know that's nothing but an absolute lie..You just look tired and miserable especially after the break up.." Zabdiel states

"You seriously think I'm miserably without her?" Richard scoffs as he questions Zabdiel

"I never implied anything regarding your relationship with her..I just want to ask you..Are you happy? Because you barely look like you've picked a side Richard..Chris also told me you were hardly sleeping..Are you seriously okay?"

"Of course I am..I've been going out..having my best life..I'm just a bit stressed and just..a bit out of place..I'll be fine within a few days..you've got nothing to worry about okay?"

"If you genuinely think you're happy..then I'm all fine. I don't want you to pretend like you aren't satisfied and happy with your decisions.."

"She did me a favor honestly...I'm so much better now.." Richard states as he looks at Zabdiel.

Zabdiel nods as he gets up and walks away giving Richard the space he wanted.

~ ~ ~

Their egos were too big for repairing something small that'd almost be fine with a genuine heartfelt apology...So they ended up losing a friendship too in the entire process..

Between these events..Aiden had to leave off to Paris, as he had been casted for a fashion show out there..And within two weeks of reaching and settling down at Paris..he had dumped her through a simple two minute phone call...

Y/N had let out a few raw, hateful tears but..at the end of the day..she was partially glad. Throughout the entire relationship..she was just nervous and uncomfortable...it wasn't because he was a bad guy or anything..but she hadn't given her best to sustain the relationship. So it was eventually supposed to happen.

Within a week or two she had eventually recovered. But yet again..her thoughts were filled with little memories of Richard...just him alone..

When would she realize that at the end of the day she was just lying to herself?

She wanted him back..she did miss him..she wanted to make amends and at least stay friends. He meant a lot to her..

~ ~ ~

Rumors, Scandals, Hate, Jealousy, Lust, Envy, Pride...and mostly their undesirable stubborn nature had finally caught them up into this mixed state. The stage where all they want is each other but...when all these ugly negative emotions interplay and they let their egos win and dominate them...in all the reality..the both of them lost something they've always wanted to hold onto forever...

They both won all arguments..both their ego at the extreme level..but it was at the cost of their relationship..

Richard wanted her...somehow in his life...How had he let his ego and everything else to enter his life and ruin something he thought would last..long...

Of course he wasn't using his head..he wasn't thinking straight..He should have been wiser...just shouldn't have let his stubbornness and egoism come in between of something that gave him bittersweet memories...mostly sweet but there were bitter times too.

He never believed in "forever and always". Nothing could last forever.. Cash, drinks, people. Everything would run out or everyone would be out of love and time for you...slowly but eventually...

So he stuck to his own ways of coping.. Falling in love with materialistic things..cash, drinks, expensive clothes and cars and everything...

///

It was as if a coincidence had occurred that she learnt that CNCO were performing in Garland, Texas..She was in Texas for a week for a casting she had in Texas so it would be a perfect time to surprise Joel and the others. She managed to buy a ticket to their show in a jiffy and she was all set to go.

She stayed in one of the last rows as she kept herself completely covered as she watched the performance on stage. A few eagle eyed fans had spotted her beyond the disguise and had taken a few quick pictures and just short quick conversations.

5 minutes before the show had ended, she walked towards the backstage room...not trying to cause any drama or draw any attention upon her. She had managed to speak to Ali about her arrival and she managed to pull a few strings and get her a backstage pass. She knocked on the door, Ali greeting her quickly as she went over and hid behind one of the closets. The boys walked in absolutely exhausted as they quickly sat down on the couch to catch their breathes.

"Hey Joel..could you get me a notepad I left inside that cupboard there..I've got something else to do right now..." A voice she recognized as Ali's

"Yeah sure Ali...Give me a minute.." Joel says as he walks towards the closet

3....2....1

"SURPRISE!!!" Y/N yells as Joel opens the closet

Joel's eyes widened as he let out a scared yell, falling backward in the process due to the intensity of her voice and her surprise.

The rest of the boys rushed over to Joel, trying to help him up as Y/N stepped outside and crouched down

"WHAT THE F*CK Y/N?!? " Joel screams as Y/N shuts her ears and shut her eyes

"Okay okay I'm sorry.." Y/N replies as she stands up

"Wow Hermosa!! Y/NN!!!" Chris says as he hugs her, her gratefully returning the gesture

"Hi Chris! I missed you!!" Y/N replies as she misses the hint of surprise and sadness that gleamed Richard's eyes

"Me too!!! It's so nice to see you again Y/N!" Chris says as he lets go off the hug

"Really you decided to show up when you straight away ignored my calls and texts for almost a month?" Joel comments rolling his eyes, standing up as Richard left the scene unnoticed

"I have my reasons Pimentel..This was supposed to be a S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E..." Y/N says as she hugs Zabdiel and Erick quickly

"You were planning this for over a month?" Joel asks

"No..I had..err..some personal stuffs..came in between..and err..yeah.."

"I'll pretend like I believe you" Joel says as he rolls his eyes

"Okay Drama Queen...I'll leave then..It clearly seems like you don't appreciate my presence.."

"No no no...nothing like that..I didn't expect you here.."

"Can we like hug already? I've been standing here with open arms (SorRY NoT sOrRY) for a pretty long time..."

Joel moves forward and hugs her as she hugs him back. After they broke off and she had quick conversations with everyone, and after all that she looks at Joel, a serious look on her face.

"Joel...I need to talk to..Richard.." Y/N breathes out

Joel passes her a look of worry, as the boys look at her and Joel. They look at each other, the awkwardness growing uncomfortable second by second.

"Just please guys..I'm not asking for a relationship with him..just a friendship.." Y/N pleads

The guys nod understandingly as Joel takes her arm and guides her into a room where Richard sat. Before she walks in, Joel holds her wrist as she turns to face him.

"Just..fix him..he's been miserable.." Joel pleads

"I'll see what I can do.." Y/N replies

Y/N knocks a the door as she hears a quick "Come in". Y/N walks in as Richard glances at her as he quickly looks away

"What do you want? Make it quick" Richard comments as he gets a drink for himself

"I wanted to talk to you.."

"Talk..I'll listen.."

"Richard please...stop acting like this.."

"Stop acting? What do you mean by acting like this? You said YOU wanted to talk..I just have nothing to talk to you with..we broke up remember?"

"You said you'd be fine with us being friends..."

"But I realized I wasn't.."

"Just because one random day you called me up and god knows what happened and suddenly your signal breaks huh? Or at least couldn't you have the courtesy to call me up after it got better?"

"I had my reasons..besides it's not practical enough for exes to still be talking"

"All I'm asking is for the friendship we've had together Richard..nothing more..Is it really too much to ask?"

"Yes..yes it is..I don't want you to be a part of my life..us together was just a huge..a huge.. misunderstanding..It wasn't meant to happen.."

Lies...Lies...Lies...He knew he was lying but he couldn't associate with her anymore..because then he'd be disappointed that he wasn't with her.

"I can't believe you'd swoop so low to call our entire RELATIONSHIP a huge mistake! You're still the same Richard...as pathetic as ever.."

It broke him..almost tore him apart..when all he wanted to do was hug onto her and cry..admit he was wrong..admits he wants her back admit he wants them together..admit the reason he never called was because he was just jealous and couldn't stand the thought of anyone calling her shawty apart from him.

"Is that all Y/N? If you're done you could head outside.." Richard replies repressing his inner thoughts and feelings

"Richard...what has happened to you? Why are you acting this way?"

"My heart has had enough..I'm tired of holding it together..my shirt is tired of getting stained with unwanted tears..I wasn't using my brain..I should have know better.." Richard

"Richard...I.." She begins

"This is just me..I'm just stuck in my ways..." Richard pauses as he briefly looks at her "You really posed' a threat to me Y/N...I was dangerously close to fall absolutely in love with you..almost thought you were the one..But you let in petty things like rumors and unnecessary names to come in between us.."

"You were the first and last person I've ever had honest feelings for..Look where it ended us.. especially me up in? Feelings were in the past..so I dashed them up and started to fall in love with cash instead.." Richard spits, venom in his words

"So..you don't want me involved with you anymore? In any possible manner? I was just asking for the friendship we shared.." She asks, as she bites her lips harshly, her heart heavy at his words.

"Isn't that what I said? Or do I have to elaborate on it all over again?" Richard asks, rolling his eyes as his facade spoke clearly what he had wanted as he looked at his drink not bothering to pay any attention to her

"Richard..." She begins again, not wanting to believe him

"I know the truth hurts real bad..that I don't want you in my life anymore..but sometimes it's better than a thousand lies..It's just too late to cry about it..You should have thought about it before.." Richard interrupts her as he sips on his drink

At any other occasion, she would have gotten mad at him for Lying to him but just this once she wished he lied to her instead of..letting her know such a bitter truth.

"If that's what you want..I'll be more than happy to comply..It was nice hearing the truth from your mouth than anyone else's.." Y/N comments as she shoots him a quick grateful smile almost so real that it gets Richard for a split second

"Yes..Glad to see we're here in agreement on something at least Y/L/N..." Richard states as Y/N storms out of the room

The boys look at her as she grabs her bag from the couch as she quickly takes in quick breathes.

"Where are you headed off? I thought you were coming over to the Hotel too.." Joel asks

"I'm a bit busy.. I'm supposed to be back at New York by tomorrow..So I've gotta get going!" Y/N replies as she faces the boys

"How did the conversion go?" Joel asks in a quiet tone

"It wasn't how I expected it to..but I've understood things from his point of view..I only told you guys..I just wanted to talk to him.." Y/N says before she quickly hugs Joel

"So you aren't staying?" Erick asks

"Nope Pretty eyes..I'm sorry..Now give me a hug before I leave" Y/N says as she opens her arms as Erick hugs her

Chris and Zabdiel walk over and hug her after saying their goodbyes. She quickly heads out after she says a quick goodbye to Ali.

She walked outside the backstage room as she walks outside, pulling her hoodie closer and fixing her shades. But she's not quick enough as the paparazzis spot her and within seconds she's blinded by the flashlights and hot fierce questions thrown onto her every split second.

"YOU WERE INSIDE THE BACKSTAGE ROOM WITH THE CNCO BOYS! SO DID YOU RECONCILE WITH RICHARD TOO?!?"

"TELL US..CAN WE CONFIRM YOUR RELATIONSHIP NOW THAT THINGS ARE SORTED?!?"

"DID YOU AND RICHARD TALK THINGS OUT? DID YOU REALIZE YOUR MISTAKE AND AGREED TO MAKE AMENDS?!?"

"IS HE READY TO GIVE UP ON HIS FLIRTY NATURE AND READY TO SETTLE DOWN WITH YOU THIS TIME?!?"

"DO YOU WANT HIM IN YOUR LIFE AFTER ALL THIS OR DO YOU HONESTLY JUST- -" Another pap begins, zoning Y/N off her thoughts as her bodyguards shielded her

She was sick and tired of this..she was frustrated, annoyed, disappointed and almost wanted to cry in fury..

"STOP! STOP! STOP! JUST- -PLEASE! STOP IT!!" She snaps as she effectively shutting the paparazzis that surrounded her.

"I'm tired and sick of these questions...I don't...I just- - I don't understand! The ENTIRE time we were in a relationship..all you were focused was on to break and tear us apart with horrible and the just..b*tchiest rumors..You got what you wanted..WE BROKE UP! And now you want us back together? I don't understand YOUR IRRATIONAL LOGIC! WHAT ARE YOU PROBLEM? Well seemingly any petty little thing..When we were in a relationship you bring up tiny issues, mistakes of the past and create this aura of doubt and confusion within our relationship and when we are not together anymore..you desperately look for hints to analyze if there's any tiny hope we'd get together! WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU WANT? YOU TELL ME!?" Y/N snaps out as the flashlights and cameras that had blinded her a few minutes ago suddenly stopped flashing

"Just please- -you have already damaged our relationship...just don't make it worse than it already is..please..I beg you all..I'm just tired..tired of all this drama. We are humans too..I know you're all doing your jobs but just think of it from a perspectives a simple human..Sometimes it would be..just better if you just..stayed out of our personal lives..at least regarding our relationships..." Y/N mutters as she walks towards her car, her bodyguards shielding her in the process

///

A celebration was very well necessary for an awesome success of their performance.

So right now he was in a crowded club, the loud party music blaring through both his ears as everyone in the room danced and had the best time of their lives, having no regrets

He quickly drowned a shot another one right after he finished his drink.

He should be happy...he's got everything he wished for. This partying socializing life is all he dreamt about and he's finally gotten it.

But yet again, here he was having second thoughts about this. Something about this doesn't feel right..he really did enjoy this but..when he realized it costed his relationship with Y/N..it didn't quite feel right..Y/N was amazing..and made others around her feel the same..like they deserved to be happy...

He sat down thinking where his relationship with Y/N would have gone..if he had just fought for the both of them. Relationships were all about making dedicated sacrifices so that in the long run both the partners get what they deserve..a stable relationship with equal amounts of tears and smiles...both of them learning from their mistakes and moving on.

"Richard hi...got a minute?" Joel asks as he sits next to him snapping Richard out of his dream like state of thoughts

"Yeah sure...what's up..?" Richard asks as he passes him a quick smile

"Can I be brutally honest with you and ask you something?"

"Sure..I guess?"

"Are you honestly okay?"

"Yes I am...Why would you ask?"

"Are you sure? You don't seem like you are being honest with your feelings.."

"Why should I lie to you about how I'm feeling when I feel nothing out of the ordinary?"

"You haven't been yourself..after the break up.." Joel says as Richard quickly remembers his conversation he had with Zabdiel a few weeks back.

"Oh so you're trying to patch things up with me and Y/N so that she wouldn't feel all sad and you wouldn't have any sort of bad blood with me.."

"This is exactly what I'm not here for...I'm here as a brother..genuinely concerned about you...So just tell me are you fine?"

"Don't I look fine?"

"Well..honestly no. You look fine on the outside..but the real inner you..the one optimistic, cheerful and genuine you..doesn't seem to appear..you just look like you're existing rather than uhm..living? And that's something you'd never do..As if you're putting on a facade pretending everything is..fine..when you seem..so miserable..in an unexplained manner.."

"I'm better.. I'm fine.I like this life..I can't deal with commitments..it didn't last..I seriously thought I was ready..but I guess I wasn't.. I'm sorry it didn't work out.."

"Hey no worries okay? She's moved on..so I just want you to know I want you to do the same and not..sulk over your feelings."

"Who said anything about me sulking over anything? I HAVE moved on!" Richard replies his tone

"Richard...you're seriously trying to convince me? You can barely check out a girl or kiss her after the break up. Something is seriously wrong with you...maybe you were ready for commitment Richard..think over- -"

"Oh it is on Joel! Watch me!" Richard snaps as he gets off his chair and walks away from Joel

"Richard- -wait! That's not what I - -" Joel begins as he sees Richard walks away.

- - -

Richard quickly scans around the crowd as he sees a brunette female leaning against the wall, some drink in her hand as she sipped on it. She holds his gaze for a while, as he throws her a flirtatious wink as she smirks in response. Richard proudly walked over towards her.

"Hey sexy...Looking fine as hell..the outfit looks amazing..but I bet it'll look better between the crumpled pile on my bedroom floor.."

"Oh...you wanna bet on that hot stuff? But for that first..show me what you've got..." The girl replies as her fingers trail the hem of Richard's shirt as she battles her eyelashes and looks at him.

He took her onto the dance floor and within a few minutes, his arms began to trail all over her body as she lets out soft groans just with his mere touch. She began to grind against him trying to get some momentary relief as he lets out a grunt

And within half an hour of dancing, a few touches, lingering gazes and grinding sessions followed with quick make outs, the girl tugs onto Richard's shirt grabbing his attention

"Let's take this somewhere..private?" The girl purrs innocently as her lips trail down the shell of Richard's ear as she seductively battles her eyelashes.

Richard smirks in response as he holds her hand and heads out of the club after quickly sending a gaze towards the boys who did nothing but groaned in response.

- - -

(My inexperienced smut writing please bear with this.)

Things escalated just within a few minutes and before Richard knew it his hands were roaming freely around her bare body, his lips attached onto her neck as he sucked on her skin.

He pinned her onto the bed as his fingers roamed around her thighs teasing her as his lips and tongue

"Richard..don't- t--tease..P-please.." She whines, gripping onto the sheets

"Hmm..we'll see about that Britney.." Richard replies

He teases and uses her fingers to prep her enough to get her soaked and wet. He doesn't wait for anything as he quickly grabs a condom from the night stand and wraps it around his hard d*ck as he thrusts onto her

"Ah~F*ck! Right there Sir..Yes~ Ah!" Britney moans as Richard lets out small grunts

His pace increases with every thrust.. His eyes became clouded with nothing but lust.

"Ah~ Cheeto! Right there!" Britney whimpers as she lets out a loud moan

Richard grunts quickly..He begins to pick up his pace when his ears register her words.

"What did you call me?" Richard ask, his eyes glinting with surprise instead of lust.

"I'm sorry sir...I didn't- -" She begins as Richard quickens the pace of his thrusts

Soon the both of their orgasms wash over quickly and Richard quickly walks into the bathroom and discards the condom as he quickly steps into the shower and takes a quick shower.

He walks out with his trousers on. The girl quickly wraps herself with a towel as she walks in.

"You can sleep over..I'm not tired." Richard says as he looks at her

"I'll leave early in the morning..thanks for the night.." Britney says as she steps into the bathroom.

Richard nods as he quickly puts a plain white tank top making his way upto the balcony.

He sat down on a chair that laid in his balcony. He gazed at the night sky that was were littered with millions of stars..

He felt disgusted..dirty and guilty. He knew he had only slept with this girl as an attempt to prove Joel wrong and try and get over his feelings for Y/N!

Despite being out of a relationship with her..he still felt like he was cheating on her...He knew they had parted ways but he couldn't help but the feeling of guilty and remorse was over his heart.

What was happening to him? When was he hesitant to hookup with another girl?

And when she called him Cheeto..that was like the final straw..It all made sense.

He still felt something huge and deep for her..and these weren't going to leave him anytime soon.

His heart hurted harder with every little thing he thought about her. The feeling of her under someone new felt wrong and..unfair even though she had all the rights to do whatever she wanted to do..

He was lying when he talked to her that was when he still did..Just lying about being good and fine when deep down inside he was dying and wanted to tell her the truth...he wasn't over her.

~ ~ ~

But that wouldn't stop him from attending her fashion shows along with Joel..Joel needed some company and he joined in...as simple as that..

She had been in the modelling industry for a few years but her overall elegance and charisma had captured the attention of the public and world renowned modelling companies..

She had been casted a lot for other shows under Vogue itself...but being a part of the Milan Fashion Week was her biggest achievement till date.

They couldn't find seats next to each other though. So Richard sat in the middle row, pulling his hoodie closer to his body, fixing his shades and his beanie so that he wouldn't be spotted... because he didn't want to ignite any rumors...

The show began as he watched it peacefully..despite the loud claps and cheers that the crowd inflicted. His ears were used to this..

When it was Y/N's turn..he was more blown away than he could ever admit. His mouth almost fell agape at how attractive she looked..As if the outfit and the runway was just made for her..

He knew how physically attractive she had looked...he could never forget their first encounter..

|FLASHBACK SCENE|

It was a random big party at someone's mansion in Miami. The boys had been invited by a group of their friends..who in turn were invited by..another group of friends.. and the cycle went on..

Richard walked into the party with his regular basic look on. The party went on full swing mode as he casually chatted and interacted with everyone..as he made his way towards the corner where the mini bar filled with all varieties of drinks were served, he saw a girl leaning onto the wooden counter..her eyes scanning the section mysteriously as if figuring out something.

"Need some help there pretty girl?" Richard asks as he sits on the stool next to hers as he looked at her confidently.

She turned her gaze towards him as she squints her eyes at him..Richard raised his eyebrow in confusion as he inspected her face..She quickly pulls her hoodie cap closer to her head..covering her face to a good amount

"So this drill is the absolute same here in Miami?" The girl asks as she turns her body and chair facing towards him, now her entire attention on Richard

"What drill do you mean? I was just tryna' help a pretty girl like you sit here alone and watch her struggle as she tries to find for a drink.."

"Smooth talker..but then again..I've heard the smoothest..But why are you all the same?" She asks hopelessly

"Whacha' mean Princesa?" He asks confused

"I mean the same method of approaching..Offer to buy a drink whilst I'm picking one out, smooth talks and flirty pick up lines, some dancing, a lot more drinks, soft touches and gazes and before you know it..the girl gets laid..Same process, different places..different boys..you guys all over the place are just so... now how do I put it in?..intentional and predictable.." She answers smirking

"Well..okay..ya sorta caught me..but I wasn't planning on getting you laid..Something tells me that I want to try a bit harder to get to know you better.." He states as he looks at her

"I'll pretend like I believe you Cheeto..." She says as she grins

"Cheetos? As in the chips Cheetos?"

"Very well spotted...Your hair absolutely looks like a flaming hot cheeto..." She says as she smiles at him

"I'm going to assume that's a compliment?"

"Oh definitely! I gave you a foodie nickname..so you're already special to me.."

"See we're already making so much progress..Already cute dovey nicknames..And trust me Princesa...My hair isn't the only part that's hot in my body.." Richard replies as he smirks at her

His smirk was just..Sexy...She had just met the guy! How could she- -she quickly shook away her unwanted thoughts...

"Oh god...Look at yourself..aren't you following the same pattern?" She asks ignoring the light tint of pink that flooded her cheeks

"Okay you sorta got me there but...I'm sorry! Force of habit! Natural instinct" Richard replies raising his arms up in surrender

"So what brings you here Princesa?" He asks as he gets her some fruit punch

"You know I'm old enough to drink Cheeto..." She replies as she rolls her eyes playfully

"Let's start with something...lighter... you never know how high parties like these can get.." He says as he hands her the drink

"So.." Richard pauses as he quickly sips on his punch "What brings you here? Like this party? The usual regular..circle of friends relations or..?" He trails off waiting for her to complete him off

"Oh..well one of my friends invited me over..Cause he was invited by his some circle of friends well technically we are somehow...related..he's like my third generation..ya know..family decent and stuffs..and i found out a few months ago that..he was in a band..so yeah we talked over the phone, texted a few..i mean we have seen each other when we were like really little..but then again..I had..or rather have a terrible memory..and why am I telling you all this?" She asks herself

"I don't know..ask yourself that..maybe it's because after all you do want to get to know me.." He replies as he takes a sip of his second punch whilst he removed his hoodie cap

"Ha ha..Very funny..Wait...WAIT...you look so awfully FAMILIAR...Have we met before?"

"Not that I remember of..I would have remembered a beautiful face for sure.."

"You can't even see my face.."

"True..but I had gotten a glimpse of your eyes and your face..Not to offend you are anything but you aren't like like hot stuff sorta girl you get me?"

"Wow...Aren't you the sweetest? Of course..I'm not offended" She asks rolling her eyes slightly offended

"Don't get me wrong..You are absolutely beautiful..pretty figure and really cute features.. labeling you as hot..doesn't seem fair and right..for some reason..at this occasion..And I don't want you to think I'm shallow enough to hit you up because you're just physically attractive" He says softly smiling at her

"So you do agree that you were trying to hit you up.."

"Okay...not intentional..Oh god...Let's drop this.." Richard mumbles

"Oh..okay I guess?" She says as she takes a long sip of her punch

"Let's just..okay..you said your relative was in a band or something right? What music genre band is he from? I know a couple of new bands..and considering you said he was a boy..a boy band..what's the name of the band?" Richard asks shifting the topic

Before she could answer, someone begins talking thereby interrupting her.

"Richard...There you are! Oh come on do you ever give up? Why do you need to hit up every SINGLE girl who's trying to get a DAMN drink?"" A voice speaks as Richard looks at the person

"I'm sorry..I was just talking to...err..Oh I didn't even ask you your name.." Richard says as he shakes his head disapprovingly

"Hello beautiful..now why are you wasting time with some crazy red haired weirdo than spend the night with a young handsome man like myself?" Chris asks as she turns towards the boys that stood in front of her

"For the record Chris...you're the oldest in the band.."Richard comments

"But you gotta admit I'm the best looking dude in the band.."

"Guys make it quick..I told y'all..I needed to meet a relative of mine..I don't want to keep her waiting.." Joel remarks as he enter into the discussion

"Pimentel? Is that you?" She asks as she removes her hoodie cap

"Y/N?!?" Joel asks as he looks at her surprised

Y/N smiles widely as she stands up from her chair quickly and rushes up to him as she pulls Joel into a hug, him mirroring her actions

"I'm confused...how do they know each other?" Erick asks

"Because she's the re- -" Zabdiel asks

"Maybe they've liked each other when they were younger and they've met here..Ah crap! Joel stole my girl...Not fair! I didn't even get a chance to - -"

"Again Chris..Richard found her first..So you can't technically- -" Erick begins

"Bullsh*t! Oh come on..I'm so handsome..why would she like Richard and not me?" Chris asks Erick as he raises his eyebrow

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that..and besides I have no time to react to that..But seriously how is Joel related to HER?" Richard asks emphasizing on the her clearly not liking the fact that his best friend was conversing up cozily with a girl he liked.

"Guys..she's the rela- -" Zabdiel begins again

"Maybe they are like..besties but secretly dating?" Erick states interrupting Zabdiel

"Or maybe a one night stand..not something predictable from Joel's side..or - -or maybe an acquaintance from his hometown..I don't know..You know when you see someone from the same place you are..you sorta bond over with them right?" Chris pipes in

"It's because she's his relat- -" Zabdiel begins irritated

"Well whatever...he's just getting a bit too..close to her.." Richard comments as a small frown appears on his face.

"Why do you bother Richard? I thought you never cared enough to know the girl better.." Chris comments

"But...still how are they related? Are they- -" Erick begins finally ticking off Zabdiel

"OH FOR HEAVENSAKE THEY ARE RELATED!" Zabdiel shouts at Richard, Erick and Chris drawing the girl's and Joel's attention too

"Lo Siento.." Zabdiel murmurs as he takes a seat and quickly orders a drink for himself.

"Oh...sorry guys...We got a bit carried away with our conversation...Guys meet Y/N..she's the cousin I was talking about.."

Richard's eyes widened as his mouth slightly fell open..Erick nods continuously, Chris awkwardly nods as Zabdiel just rolled his eyes but flashed her a quick smile.

"And Y/N...These are my best friends..That's Erick, Zabdiel, Christopher and Richard.." Joel says introducing his friends

"Nice to meet you all..I've heard a lot about you all..You guys look better in real life than how you look in the pictures..and you guys sound amazing too.." Y/N comments as she smiles politely at them

"Thank you...means a lot for us...Appreciate the support.." Erick beams as he plants a quick kiss on her cheek, his actions earning a cold eye roll from Richard

Y/N slowly begins conversing with the boys almost instantly connecting with them..Richard on the other hand walked over and tried to get himself wasted for that's all he came here majorly for.

"Oh there you are! I was looking for you." Y/N comments as she passes a smile at him

"Yes...another shot please" Richard murmurs as he gets a drink from the bartender

"Okay Cheetos...why in the world are you ignoring me?"

Richard grunts as he chunks down a few glasses of some drink as he didn't even bother to look at her

"Okay Camacho...I thought we were getting along pretty fine...what's gotten you into a foul mood?"

"I just thought you were busy..bonding over with your 'cousin' and discussing about the stories behind all of Christopher's tattoos..."

"Okay now you're just being mean..so I can't establish healthy relationships with my cousin's band mates? And besides...Chris isn't even like my type.."

Richard's gaze fell on her as a grin decorates his lips

"Then who is your type Mami?"

"That certainly managed to catch your attention huh Camacho?" Y/N asks teasingly

"Well...I was just inquiring...that's..all" Richard replies as he looks at his glass

"Okay..I don't really have a type fixation...I don't know...Maybe like red flaming hair, beautiful lips, good figure and...eyes that scream trouble but in a good way?" Y/N states

Richard lets out a shy grin as he tried to ignore his slightly flustered face and extends his hand out, still looking away

"Dance with me? Please?" Richard asks hopefully, his tone a bit shy

Y/N softly bites her bottom lip as she takes his hand..Soon they're on the dance floor dancing to the wildest music all in the while enjoying each others' company.

"Hey..Y/N can I ask you something?" Richard asks as he wraps his arms around her waist, his head resting on the crook of her neck..of course with all her consent..

She enjoyed the feeling of his strong, semi-muscular arms securely wrapped around her waist..even though she had met him today..but with all Joel's description and all she's heard and seen about him..she felt good and..somehow comfortable...a bit too comfortable..but the both of them didn't mind..but not like she was going to admit how her heart fluttered at the feeling.

"Yeah su - sure- -I gue - ss?" She stutters as she mentally slaps herself

"Apart from being beautiful and stunning..what else do you do for a living?" He asks "Well..I model...So I do use up my physical appearance for a living.."

"I never meant your outer beauty..I meant beautiful and genuine on the inside..I'm not exaggerating." Richard asks

"You'd never give up huh?"

"I'd like to try.." Richard states as he twirls her around

"Honestly why are you so persistent? I told you I don't want to get laid down..Hit someone else up!" Y/N says as she slightly frowns at the thought

"I don't wanna get you laid...not so soon at least..I wanna get to know you..take you out..treat you right..spend time with you..doing weird and crazy sh*ts...I don't know what in the world am I feeling but it's probably because I've never honestly liked someone..you make me feel some typa way ya know? And the worst of all..is that I'm ready to feel like this..As long as you feel the same.." Richard finishes off as he lays his head on her shoulder

"I feel something else for you..a new foreign feeling for you Y/N..I know we have just met but I want to know you better...just talk and...i don't know...I'm just confused..I want to try us together..as in romantically...that's if you feel something for me.."

"Don't you think it's a bit too soon for us..to happen?" Y/N asks

"I'm not demanding a full fledged relationship from the dawn of tomorrow morning..All I want to know is if you feel something..romantically for me and if you want to...work on it?"

"Let's give this a shot Cheeto! Don't make me regret this.." Y/N comments as she turns around, wrapping her arms around his neck

"It's a promise...I won't let you go.." Richard replies his gaze shifting from her eyes to her lips, his eyes looking into hers as if asking for consent

Y/N leans into his touch as he bends down a bit and softly places his lips onto hers as their lips moved together in sync. As if their lips were made for each other only..

His life was going to be just right now that she was beside him.

/ / /

Richard shakes his head, snapping back into reality as he hears his phone vibrate. He looks to find "Joel" calling him. He answers the phone

"Hey...Yes I know..I'll be out in 5..Gate D?...sure okay...Bye.." Richard speaks onto the phone as he hangs up

He gets up as he looks around trying to avoid people and cameras. ..But to his dismay and disappointment a few eagle eyed fans spotted him as he quickly pulled his hoodie cap closer to his head..trying to cover as much of his face as possible...

"A minute please Richard...Just a few pictures.." A mini group of fangirls yelled

Richard rolled his eyes internally as he nodded softly as he quickly posed for a quick picture with the girls and signed a few autographs.

"Are you kidding me? You seriously want to get HIS autograph? The same jerk who broke up with THE Y/N Y/L/N! Oh hell nah! I'm not in this!" A girl comments rolling her eyes "Nope he's a jerk! You can't convince me..an absolute idiot!" She goes on

Richard initially decides to ignore it..but a few other girls decide to join in and trash talking about how HE had messed..

"It was something mutual kiddos..so I'd kindly ask you to NOT to indulge in things which aren't your business.." Richard comments as he quickly signs another autograph

"Hey can you even blame us? We care a lot about out idol...We want her to be happy and safe. And you clearly weren't capable of it.." A girl snaps back maintaining her cool

Richard stayed silent not wanting to snap at this girl who had the audacity to trash talk about him and Y/N's relationship..But the girl had kept no limits in her speech and kept trash talking about him! Of course he had to defend himself!

"It wasn't my fault...It wasn't anybody's fault..It was bound to happen.." Richard comments

"Oh please enlighten me Camacho...I'm more than willing to hear..How does a perfect relationship like the one you shared with Y/N suddenly breaks off one late night?" The girl asks

"That's what you saw...That's what the public saw..you never knew what happened behind closed doors. Please keep your cameras down..I don't want any of this taken..I'm tired of all the rumors.."

"You're just scared that we'll record you and give the bad publicity you deserve..and what do you mean behind closed doors!? Are you accusing her of cheating?!?"

"I'm not making any acquisitions here girlie...I'm just saying you know nothing..So don't start this very unnecessary drama.."

"Oh please elaborate on it please Richard..I'm dying to hear what you actually mean by 'behind closed doors' " The girl asks as she sternly looks at him

"I don't need to elaborate my personal life to you..Please just leave.." Richard asks his tone steady

"I am not leaving until I get an answer!"

"I don't have anything to do with the breakup...Don't pester me!"

"It's a relationship...involves two people Richard Camacho!" The girl counters

"It's her fault too...blame her for it...I'm tired and sick of dealing with all this bullsh*t.."

"You had the perfect girl! Perfect relationship..oh leave all of that..just tell us why the hell did you turn up here? For one of her fashion shows?"

"So I can't attend one of the coolest Fashion Show I've ever known all because my ex girlfriend is a part of it?!"

"You could have attended any other fashion shows yet here you are..Are you sure you aren't here to try and convince her to take you back?"

"Oh SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!?! It mustn't be any of your business on what I should do or not do..It's my life please let me just live it the way I want to! We had absolutely no problems in our relationships until people like you suddenly took up the right to comment on our lives and our relationship too..People like you are the reason why no one in our lives last long enough! Don't you realize that in all the mess of trying to protect your idol, you're destroying theirs and their partners' lives in the process...We did what we have to do and we are fine with it! Now I don't care if you like it or not..but just..stop messing mine or her lives than it already is.." Richard snaps, hot tears brimming his eyes as he never let them fall

The girl seemed taken aback as she slightly flinches.

"I'm sorry..I didn't mean- -" She begins

"The damage has already been done...in the harshest manner possible...Just please don't create any more unnecessary drama..."

The girl nods as she looks down, feeling absolutely guilty as Richard excuses himself and walks away towards Gate D ignoring the soft tears that had dared to roll down his cheeks as he quickly wipes them.

~ ~ ~

SHE never wanted him in the first place...all SHE seemed to care was about her career and not him. He got over her pretty easily...drinks, cash, one night stands and just materialistic things that gained him instant pleasure..Simple solutions to complicated problems.

Feelings sucked...they had no place in his life..They were for children who wanted to try and pretend to be adventurous..all they did was mess and f*ck with his head and heart..Lust lasted shorter than love...Scratch marks and purple hickeys just lasted for a few days..or a few weeks at the maximum..but a broken heart would take years to heal..Lust was something simple, quick, less painful and a safer option.

He was done with feelings...feelings belonged to the past..it had no place in his life any longer..all it managed to do was wreck him..nothing apart from that...now all he cared was about his cash and all the materialistic things that gained him temporary..but instant pleasure...that's all he cared about at this point of time...nothing more and definitely nothing less.

They knew they were headed to the final straw of their relationship...there was just minimal love that kept them together...At least the love that was "visible". Richard wasn't used to deep serious commitment..He couldn't stay stable with ONE girl for the rest of his life!

All because perhaps...deep down inside he was scared...He didn't want to be hurt...he knew it hurted bad.. considering a lot of people he know had ended up bruised...in a very.. unattractive manner and never honestly recovered from it..

Both of them were different..yet so similar. They weren't similar poles nor opposite...they were just compatible enough with good amount of differences.

So for example...the both of them had the same unhealthy coping mechanism for getting over the other..

Shots one after another...Drinks of different varieties one after the other..Different clubs and bars but same unspoken feelings...

But when the lights went out...and they were in their rooms all alone..that's when it hits them. They missed each other..But again with their wholesome egos, heavy hearts and unspoken feelings..they couldn't help but hide what they really felt..scared to get hurt again or if the other one was just...pretending to be in love the whole time..

"Come on..Y/N!! Check him out! Hot stuff at my right..corner..Do you copy agent??" Y/BFF states

"I told you Y/BFF ..I don't want to get laid..I'll get drunk instead..." Y/N comments as she pulls her hoodie closer to herself

"Sure you'd rather like and get all sick rather than become a bit sore..Sure Y/N! I totallyyyyyy get it..." Y/BFF slurs as she rolls her eyes "Y/N babe..are you sure you're over that Dominican?" Y/BFF asks

"Of course I am..that doesn't necessarily mean I need to get laid over to get over my feelings for him! I've told you this so many times!!" Y/N replies

"So you admit you have feelings for him.." Y/BFF comments as she smirks at Y/N

"I simply cannot believe you..of course..I - do no - " Y/N begins

"Yeah yeah baby...blah blah..keep sulking over your feelings for a little boy who doesn't deserve any of it.." Y/BFF comments as she walks off

Y/N lays her head on the wooden desk, as her hands trailed the half empty glass her eyes fixated on the drink hazily as her face stayed covered all thanks to her hoodie cap.

"He did deserve it..He deserved all of it..Because at the end of the day..he made me feel the same way..loved and like I...deserved it all.." She whispers to herself, ignoring the soft salty tears that rolled down her cheeks

~ ~ ~

With his fists inside his hoodie pockets, his head hanging low to avoid being spotted..Richard walks in with a low profile into the club..This club was less crowded and less noisy..He just wanted a few drinks..just a few drinks to make him drunk enough to erase any thoughts relating to her..He wanted to get enough sleep and rest...and his thoughts about her weren't going to put him into rest.

He sat on a stool..a bit far away from the blaring music..a bartender walked upto him and he tells him the drink he wants...The bartender nods as he gets Richard the drink he asked for.

A shot...another one..he drank a couple more before he forced himself to stop..

His phone vibrated with some notifications as he took out his phone from his pocket. His eyes scrunched instantly at how bright his phone screen as he quickly reduced the brightness off his phone.

He went to his messages..as he typed her name..her contact came up.

He stared at the keypad for a moment.

What was his stupid irrational self going to do? Stop it Richard..What are you doing?

It wasn't your fault..why are YOU apologizing...

The damage was already done...nothing could undo it..

But it was worth a try at least...

He began typing the message...And without even reading it another time he pressed the enter button.

MESSAGE STATUS: Message Sent.......Message Delivered

| | |

Y/N tossed on her bed for the 50th time that minute..She had to get up early for a casting..so instead of her regular getting drunk partying routine, She chose to stay home and.. well sleep..

She had gotten a good amount of sleep for a few hours...but at a very odd hour of the day, she suddenly wakes up, her body jerking forward as she heavily breathes...

She broke into a cold sweat, her eyebrows furrowed, as her body shivered..

She quickly recovered within a minute or so..as she laid back into her bed again..but sleep and drowsiness had already left her soul...

Every time she tried to sleep.. something or the other she'd remember about him..especially how he used to serenade her the days where she couldn't feel asleep..his sweet angelic voice always soothed her..and within seconds, she'd be asleep, his strong arms wrapped around her waist securely, her head on his chest and his chin on top of her head...As if a perfect piece of a messed up puzzle set.

Her eyes filled with unnecessary tears as she quickly wiped them off..she did miss him, more than she could admit..but what was the use? He didn't feel the same..

Suddenly her phone vibrates..she clumsily sits up as she grabs her phone. It was probably Y/BFF calling her in her drunk state.

But she sees..his name..on her screen..She was surprised and She quickly reads his message..

Richard: "Do you ever wonder and sometimes perhaps..wish you could maybe go back into time and..change the past?"

That's what the message read...

Y/N bit her bottom lip...she began typing something as she pauses halfway..was she going to respond?

No...he said he didn't want to become friends or even mere acquaintances..so why did he text her all of a sudden?

Nope..she wasn't definitely going to respond to it. She switched off her phone..no..not this time. She couldn't..she wouldn't..

///

Richard sighs as he sees her status as offline...seconds ago she was typing something...Yeah she didn't feel anything or wasn't ready to fix anything...He didn't blame her though after all the sour turns...their entire relationship had taken. He keeps his phone upside down on the wooden table as he gulps down an entire glass of whatever drink it contained.

///

Y/N laid down hugging her pillow as she forcefully shut her eyes. He had the audacity to text her after not even speaking to her after so long! How dare he- -but then again..what if he was alone and drunk? What if he was some place dangerous..? She knew he was old enough to take care of himself but she couldn't help but wonder..

She quickly took her phone..and opened his text...After a minute of internally debating she eventually texted him back..

*TEXT CONVERSATION*

Y/N: Richard..It's 2:00 in the morning. What are you even doing?

Richard: Sometimes..I wished..really wished I could..I wish I could go back and take back all the words I've said to you..and definitely never let you walk out the door. If I could go back..I'd beg you to stay or followed you until you agreed..and almost would do anything that'll make sure you stayed...

Y/N: Richard....

Y/N: Are you drunk?

Richard: Maybe..Maybe not..a few shots of Vodka at the bare maximum...but I'm speaking clearly ain't I?

Y/N: Well..still the Cheeto wouldn't text me like that..or just text me in general considering the fact he didn't want to even be associated with me in any manner possible 🙄

Richard: I love how you still remain the only one who calls me Cheeto..it sounds so adorable..just..so right

Y/N: I'm pretty sure everyone calls you Cheeto..especially your girlfriend..so nothing special..

Richard: No..I don't let anyone call me Cheeto..You were and still are the only one who calls me that..Besides I don't have a girlfriend.

Y/N: Well..whatever...What's the deal Camacho?

Richard: GODDAMMIT! I have loved you..I always have..and I still do.. and I don't think that's going to change..but it scares the sh*t outta me honestly..and I'd never have the guts to do this without alcohol in my system cause I'm a f*cking coward.

Y/N: Where are you? Are the boys with you?

Richard: Aaliyah asked me about you..she said she missed baking those choco chip cookies for you..Mum and Dad also asked about you..They sounded disappointed. They thought you and I were heading to the long haul.

Richard: Well so did I..but geuss you cant change things if u wanted two..

Y/N: RICHARD YASHEL CAMACHO! ANSWER ME! Where the hell are you?!

Richard: In some bar..getting wasted and tired of getting rid of the way all my feelings about you return within seconds.

Y/N: Very sentimental Richard. I'm calling Joel to pick you up from that damn place okay?

Richard: Thanks...I guess..well..I never thought you still cared enough to make sure I got home safely.

Y/N: Oh give it a rest Yashel! I'd still care about you probably until the day I die and maybe even after that okay? Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean that I'll ever stop caring about you or ever did Richard...just remember that..

Richard: I still love you..

///

Y/N: Richard..I just texted Joel..he apparently knows the place.. he'll be there to pick you up okay? Just don't leave the bar till he arrives okay?

Richard: So you don't love me?

Y/N: Richu...please don't this harder than it already is..Just don't do this.

Richard: So do you?

Y/N: It's complicated and your drunk. Let's talk about this whilst your sober..I don't want to talk about somethin' like this with alcohol in your system...

Richard: Okay goodnight.

Y/N: Take care.

~ ~ ~

Y/N woke up fussily already tired. Her thoughts kept her awake the entire night and now she had to wake up and get ready. She heard her phone ringing as she QUICKLY attends the call

"Yes Claire..I'm up..give me a few- - what? Oh thank god. I was too exhausted today...wait.. Seriously! Thank you so much Claire! I can't thank you enough! Yes I'll get some sleep thank you again!" Y/N rants as she hangs up the call.

Claire, her personal assistant had called her to tell that her casting for the day had been cancelled and the new casting was in five days..which meant she had five whole days to herself.

She quickly jumps back into bed as her eyes almost shut instantly drowning herself into some well deserved sleep.

- - -

Y/N wakes up as she looks at the clock in her bedroom...3:00 in the afternoon. She made her way to the bathroom and freshened up. She walked towards her kitchen and prepares an entire mug of coffee fr herself.

Y/N sat down as she slowly sipped on the cup of coffee she had prepared for herself. The entire week way haywire hectic..a lot of photo shoots, interviews, castings the list went on and on..Y/N decides to take some time all for herself and by herself. She was given five days..five days away from work..The first three days went by a breeze, as she took enough rest and ate healthy. She walked to her closed balcony as she laid on one of the seats as she stretched her legs and placed them in a relaxing posture.

She laid on the chair as she did nothing except rest her eyes and breathe evenly as she sipped on her coffee. In the middle of her "relaxing" day, she was rudely stunned by a sudden spam of messages from her phone as the she quickly sipped on her coffee mug in surprise, as her lips burnt at the hot sensation. She let out a shrill scream as she stuck her tongue out, blowing some air quickly trying to cool her almost tongue.

*TEXT CONVERSATION*

Richard: Morning. Hey..Sorry about last night.

Y/N: Hey it's no big deal..you were drunk. It's fine.

Richard: I'm sober now.

Y/N: Okay..well..good for you I guess?

Richard: I still feel the same about you the same way I felt about you last night..the same way I felt for you the day we met..

Y/N: Richard..I don't really know how to you want me to respond to that statement. You do know that we broke up for a reason.

Richard: No we broke up because I was too prideful to stop you from leaving.

Richard: Can we just talk about this?

Y/N: I'm not so sure about this Richard. I've just...I'm just starting to recover and patch up those old wounds..I don't want them wounded again.

Richard: Please Y/N! Just this once to clear all these misunderstandings.

*Richard had sent you a location*

Richard: Just meet me there..5:30 p.m. We'll talk for an hour..and if you truly don't want to give it a try..I'll leave you alone forever..I promise.

Y/N: Just one chance Richard. After this I don't want you to bring up this. I'll meet you there at 5:30 sharp. Don't be late

Richard: Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Richard: Thank you Y/N!

Richard: I...

Richard: See you there. ❤️

Y/N: 🙂

- - -

Y/N couldn't believe what the hell she had agreed to..but here she was stressing over what to wear. She then realizes that she wasn't going to impress or charm him or anything. So she wore a basic t-shirt and some denim jeans, a leather jacket and some sneakers to finish it up.

She drove to the spot as she quickly parked her car in an empty parking lot. She walks towards the exact location and sees Richard sitting on a picnic mat with a basket of goodies in it. He stands up as he sees her and Y/N walks closer.

"Hey.." Richard says as he passes her a soft smile

"Hello.." She replies as he gestures her to sit down

"So how you doing?" Y/N asks an attempt to remove the awkward silence

"I've been doing well...Thanks for making the call last night..I didn't even know how I ended there.."

"You're welcome..I barely did anything..I just informed Joel."

"Well..you did look after me when I was at my worsts..so I owe you one..A simple thank you won't do the trick.."

"Oh Camacho..don't bother..You know I don't expect anything in return right? That's what..I.. err..friends do right?"

They went on talking about normal stuffs and things until Richard abruptly interrupts her.

"Why do people do this?" Richard asks

"Do what exactly?" Y/N questions

"Well..you know..don't take up the blame for the mistakes they have done while they were in a relationship?"

"They've got well defined reasons..maybe their just scared that this might danger their..uhm.. relationship.."

"But I see at a sign..a sign..of maturity and acceptance...If you make it through these misunderstandings and for once..accepting your mistakes..things will turn out alright."

"But what if they don't..that's what the other person fears the most..they can't allow an ounce of hatred or..disappointment in the relationship..they share with someone..they can't afford to lose that special person.."

"But you have already done the mistake..it isn't as severe as cheating or anything..simple mini misunderstandings..turning into full fledged fights. Sure they might be disappointed but in the long run..it's healthy..A relationship has it's ups and downs..but these misunderstandings and the interplay of egos..winning all battles but at the cost of a relationship one thought would last for long.."

"Richard- -"

"I'm genuinely sorry..I genuinely am..I just- -I'm not blaming you- -I'm taking the entire blame for the all the misunderstandings..I just want us back..I miss you..us..."

"Richard..please...all I'm asking is for a friendship.."

"I'll accept your friendship..or even better..I'll just even stop bothering you for once and forever if you honestly feel that you're better off without me..just..just look me in the eye and just tell me to leave and I'll leave..tell me you don't feel absolutely anything romantic for me..then I'll leave you and stay away from you and I promise I won't be a part of your life anymore.."

Y/N faces Richard as she looks him in the eye, her heart pumping quick as her body tensed, her tone shaky

"Richard..I..I..." Y/N begins as she pauses, her eyes tearing up

"Tell me..and I swear I'll leave.."

"But I don't want you to leave.." Y/N whispers softly as she feels her eyes gleaming with tears that threatened to fall.

"Please...all I'm asking is one chance. I screwed up..I messed up..I just want you back into my life..I can't live without you..I've never felt something honest and genuine for anyone else apart from you...I can't even look at another women in any other manner. Even after the break up..Sleeping with someone else felt as if I was cheating on you...I felt unfaithful even though I was out of the relationship. I love to such an extent that it hurts when I think that you're not next to me during my best and worsts.."

"Richard..you don't mean this..you aren't ready for commitment..Don't resurface those repressed unconditional feelings that I still have for you...Please don't make this any harder than it already is.."

"But..but...don't you understand? I was a f*cking coward..I just felt commitment was too big for someone like me..but as long as it means that I can be with you..I'm ready to walk through hell and heaven..worsts and the best...If you don't feel the same I'll let you walk away.."

"Richard..stop manipulating me emotionally..I can't do this anymore. You're just going to hurt yourself and me..Please don't do this..ask yourself if this is what you want..I'm tired of crying over you Richard.."

"Please...one more chance is all I ask for. We'll start off again..our relationship had started off a bit too quick before..we can fix it this time.. together. It'll take time to heal but in the long run...I want you next to me."

"Richard! STOP! You don't mean it! You're the only boy in my entire life I've honestly been so attached to..and look at where we ended up..I don't want our mistakes to repeat and go through the entire heartbreak again. I'm just tired...I can't..."

"We learnt from our mistakes..staying away from you and letting you walk out of my door was the worst decision I had done..I'm ready to fix it. I want to give us a try this time..but this time I'll completely be honest with you. Y/N Honestly the partial reason why we broke up was because..I...I was insecure..insecure about letting someone precious and amazing like you with someone like me...I don't deserve someone like you..and that day when you came over..I just wanted to sort of push you away so you'd finally get what you deserve.. but I know you're with Aiden and I- -" Richard begins

"Hold up! You seriously thought YOU weren't good enough for ME? No guy has ever had second thoughts about dating me..You really do care..don't you?"

"More than I can admit..but it's okay. I understand and just realized that you're with Aiden and I fully resp- -" Richard begins

"We broke up long ago..he dumped me through a mere phone call.." Y/N confesses with a sigh

"Wait..what?" Richard asks confused

"We broke up 2-3 WEEKS before I came and visited you! Because throughout my entire relationship with him all I could think was about you! How you would treat me better than him. And ×the WORST thing that even after all of this endless crying and heavy feelings I STILL LOVE YOU! ×" Y/N yells as her eyes are flooded with tears

Richard blinks in surprise and shock.

"You still love me after all of..this?" Richard asks in pure shock and disbelief

"Of course I did..and always do. But I can't afford to hurt myself one more time if this means nothing to you Richard. You could hurt me, tear and wreck me..but that manipulated heart of mine will still love you with all the little million pieces! I bet you don't even realize it!" Y/N replies as she wipes off her tears

"I love you too.." Richard shouts as he looks at her

"You..what?" Y/N asks

"I said...I...I...I..Love you...and I mean it...you complete me..I can't imagine a future without you by my side..I'll do anything...even beg you to stay..F*ck! I'll just do ABSOLUTELY anything to make sure you stayed..I mean every single word I've said till now..I just love you so damn much that it hurts so much..a feeling of emptiness and yet at the same time..my heart's heavy. I've never had the feelings of dry throats, rapid heart beats or the feeling of nervousness in front of girls in general..that's the sort of effect I have on them..but to feel all of this and the weirdest of all to be okay with it..no one else apart from you can make me the way I feel right now...the way I had always felt whenever I thought about you..." Richard confesses

"Richard..." Y/N whispers

"Please...just one chance..I'll promise you I'll never pretend about anything.. I'll honestly tell you what I feel..Just one chance" Richard pleads

"Please don't hurt me again..I don't want to- -" Y/N begins

"I promise you.." Richard says as he places a finger on her lips

"We're both huge liars...you do know that? We were miserable without each other and yet we pretended to be fine." Y/N replies

"Yes I know.. we're too stubborn for the world..but I'll never lie to you about my feelings or anything as such..because at the end of the day..I can never get over you.." Richard comments

"Me too Richard..." Y/N says as she looks at him

"I love you Y/N..." Richard says

"I love you more Richard.." Y/N replies

"I love you the most Y/N.." Y/N replies

"You wish you did.." Richard taunts

"Oh really? FIGHT ME!!" Y/N challenges as she playfully glares at him

"Same old Y/N..." Richard says as she pressed her lips against his

Richard instantly melts into the kiss as his hands wrap around her waist, they break away a shy smile on both their faces

"Feels right?" Y/N asks

"Not quite.." Richard replies

"Are you implying you want to kis- " Y/N begins as Richard quickly presses his lips against hers and deepens the kiss as she lets out a satisfied groan.

"Now that felt right.." Richard comments as he breaks away and stares at her lovingly

Y/N blushes as she looks away, a smile evident on her face.

She was meant to be with him..Now she didn't have to lie about her feelings because she had what she exactly deserved...him..

X- X-X

#papichriswritingchallenge #congratulations #cnco #cnco songfic #fiz's works #christopher velez #richard camacho #zabdiel de jesus #erick colon #joel pimentel #y/n

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