#not me psyching myself up for work today😭😭

[starberry-fag]

shout out to retail workers on black friday. they're the strongest among us fr

[graychrissy]

🌹VOID CHART PROGRESS + success🌹

I have finally decided to stop being a puss- and lazy ass,just because of ADHD and I will enter void.

I will be using lucid dreaming method because I had lucid dream few times before so and I even entered void but I thought I'm dreaming so I didn't affirm,so it help living in the end knowing I have lucid dream before.

Routine

• Listen to subliminal with isochronic tones 30-60 mins in the morning and 1 hour at night.

• Using askfirmations for 30 mins.

• psych-k 3 or more session of 10 mins.

• living in the end.

Progress chart

23/11/23 : Only listen to the subliminal with isochronic tones for 1 hour. •{I tried sleep paralysis and set my alarm around 5 hours, sadly when I woke up I didn't remember any dream,when tried inducing sleep paralysis I got scared so I feel asleep withe the intent to see a vivid dream and I succeeded but I wasn't lucid.}

24/11/1/23 : listened sub for 1 hour 30 minutes in morning,forgot to affirm,used subliminal for 30 mins and used adambja's affirmation tapes 20 mins. •{Ok guys,I have dropped the plan to use subliminals my ears hurt,so one of my friend shared me @adambja tapes,I only listen 2 times while doing psych-k 10 minutes each side.}

•••••••••••••••••••••••

New Routine

• Use affirmation tapes 2 times in the morning,2 times in afternoon,2 times in evening,2 times before going to bed.

• askfirmation "Why do I always lucid dream?"

• psych-k while listening to the tape.

•••••••••••••••••••••• Progress chart

25/11/23 : listen 7 times while doing psych-k.

•{So I had a vivid dream,and I was about to become aware but since it was already morning my neighbours were being loud and i woke up.}

26/11/23 : listen for 38 minutes and include a new method this one found it on @voidprincessblog lucid dream guide.

•{Didn't had any dream,but then I woke up around 5 and fall asleep with the intention to dream and I had a pretty normal dream nothing weird and I remembered a little and lastnight tried the new four fold breath method but failed I was too sleepy.}

27/11/23 : Listen ? times,affirmed and did the breath method.

•{I change my listening time, because I get really bored while listening the tape for 1 hour And I remembered TODAY that I haven't affirmed , I literally forgot about it😐,so today I affirmed just a little though. Also didn't had any lucid dream but after doing the breath work,I was trying to sleep and I don't know why but I felt like I'm dying,and for few seconds I think I was in void but I woke myself up.}

28/11/23 : didn't listen to the tapes but did breath work.

•{So I took a nap did the breath work and again the weird feeling as I was trying to fall asleep. Not much result,I don't ev n remember if I dreamed.}

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•° So guys,my desperation is higher then mountain Everest,and bcz I was not getting too much success from the tape to get rid of all the limiting beliefs neither it was helping with my anxiety😭. So I decided to use a lucid dream sigil as well😐.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

29/11/23 : Listened to the tape,used @charmedreincarnation reverse psychology method while vaunting and it's quite similar to askfirmation as you are questioning your amazing ability to lucid dream or manifest and the practice setting intentions.

•{So I've been noticing something,last time when I did psych-k was on the 2nd day of listening to Adambja's tape and I almost lucid dream,but these day I don't even remember my dream🤡 I guess gotta start doing it.}

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

•(As y'all know I didn't listen the tape on 28 and I was feeling so bad like soooooo bad the whole day along with that I had to to college to get my ID,but my anxious self. Didn't go today and I feel like hitting myself,I wanted to go with my friend Mac but she said she'll go on 30 so I was also thinking to go with her,but damn her boyfriend got it for her🤡😭.)

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

30/11/23 : Listen to Slade's void and lucid dreaming sub.

•{Yesterday on 29th I listen to the tapes,and today morning I was feeling less stress no nervousness not like sweating from anxiety like I used to feel if I had to go outside,also didn't lucid dream}

1/12/23 : Listened to tapes 1 time, and Slade's lucid dreaming sub.

•{ I skipped again yesterday (30 th),but I did use Slade's lucid dreaming sub,and void sub(had a good experience),so I had a weird vivid dream today morning and I think I will able to lucid dream very soon}

New routine (sorry I can't control myself😭)

• Listen to Adambja's tape while doing Psych k.

• Listen to Slade's lucid dream subliminal.

• Do distraction method.

Progress chart continues

2/12/23 : Listen to tape one time only and use Slade's dreamworld and ETA subliminal.

•{I had 2 weird dreams, I can't remember them properly but before I woke up,I remember i was talking about lucid dreaming in my dream}

•(I did the distraction method last night and y'all I'm shooketh again,this haven't happen before,so lastnight I almost enter void within 20 mins,the experience was something I never had,as y'all know we shouldn't pay attention to our 3d or body,I did exactly that MONTHS ago when I was being a procrastinator and being lazy,but at that time I use to focus my body alot so I used to feel itchy alot,but this 2 days I didn't felt a thing,and last night was something I felt my body melting,and it felt too good that even when I wanted to stop I kept going,it felt just sooo good)

3/12/23: Listened to the tape 1 hour,and used subs with isochronic tones.

•{so last night that's 2nd December,I forgot to listen to the tapes but I used the subliminals, but sadly I don't remember my dream but atleast I dreamt 🤭,I wasn't able to do the distraction method, because my pregnant dog was being whiny and wanted to cuddle with me😭,so I didn't do it)

Edited : I remember the dream,it was something about waiting room🤯, bro

4/12/23: Didn't use the tape,fall asleep while listening lucid dreaming sub.

•{I had 2 really vivid weird dream,I swear I was in void too but from there I went to another dream}

5/12/23: Didn't use the subliminals nor the tape.

•{ I had an exam today,so I just listen ,glosygirl's exam sub overnight🥲,but I actually had vivid dreams,sadly I forgot to write it down in my dream journal}

•••••••••••••••••••••••

💀Made a new routine

•••••••••••••••••••••••

Progress chart continues

6/12/23: listen to the tape for 30 minutes while doing psych-k,I was affirming along and before going to bed listen to Slade's LD sub.

•{ I had a pretty uncomfortable dream I don't even want to remember}

7/12/23: I skipped the tapes again because of exams,but used the subliminal.

•{I don't really remember what happened honestly I recalled it but I forgot again}

8/12/23: Skipped again 💀 but used the tape.

•{Anyways I had a pretty weird dream and had an awakening but I was gonna get lucid}

Note: from 6 to 8 it's not too accurate because I forgot to update due to exams but don't worry it's no different.

9/12/23: Listen to the tape and slade sub.

•{almost had a lucid dream again}

10/12/23-15/12/23: I listen to the tape only few times and that's for my exams.

•{So I barely listen to the tape but my dreams are becoming vivid everyday and I always almost become lucid but always get woken up by my parents also a thing I noticed is that,I had to wake up in between and after that sleep with the intention to dream then only I remember my dream}

16/12/23: Listen to to the tape at night and used the LD sub.

•{I just remembered my dream and I also tried entering void through the basic method I got super close but my dogs start barking}

17/12/23: Listen to the subliminal

•{I didn't got any good sleep because of my dogs }

18/12/23-24/12/23: I'm still procrastinating and had a mental breakdown in between but I also tap in the void which I will count as success.

I will be more focus on tapping in the void rather then LD so I created a new routine for myself.

25/13/23-31/12/23: I stopped to take a break.

Since it's new year and I want to start of fresh I'm back and will mostly stay focus on waking up in void and LD.

New routine (smiling in embarrassment)

I will follow my own living in the end challenge but I modified it. After I saw success story from a blogger Doona and mention about morphic field I'm going to use the once she recommended and along with it I will start using void and LD subliminals.

1/01/24: I started using morphic fields and then then LD subliminal.

•{ I have multiple vivid dreams and I got so many chances to be lucid}

2/01/24: done following the routine.

•{Got some weird af dream again very vivid}

3/01/24: Done listening the subs and tape.

•{Had super vivid dreams)

4/01/24: Done listening.

•{Umm guess who enter void through LD meeeee😭☝️}

YK what I'll make another progress chart I haven't manifested anything yet. I will yeet this app for few days.

[omo-honey]

Okay so I almost had a real accident last night AND today and it was totally miserable, but you guys will appreciate it anyway 😭

I went out drinking last night with some friends at a bar I have never been to before. I had two waters and two drinks and they hit my bladder all at once. I talked with my friends a little longer because I was enjoying the conversation, and then I headed to the restrooms. I walk into the men’s bathroom and oh my god they ONLY had urinals. No stall. No toilet. So I leave and luckily they also had a unisex bathroom. So I knock. No answer. Try to open it. Locked. So I stand outside the bathroom door for 10 minutes, crossing my legs and shifting, trying to look casual. Eventually the person leaves and I have the HARDEST piss of my life. It was so relieving…I had to go again before we left about 30 minutes later. Luckily nobody was in there, because by then I was getting pretty drunk and don’t know if I could’ve handled waiting.

Then TODAY, for my sister’s birthday we (me and my two sisters) pile into the car for a 2 hour drive to a Japanese market that has food, shops, bookstores, etc. I went to the bathroom before we left, and had literally only half of a bottle of iced green tea and a few sips of water. For whatever reason, an hour into the ride, I’m suddenly feeling full. I press on my bladder, thinking, “maybe I’m not actually full and I’m psyching myself out.” Oof. That press hurt. Now I work in a restaurant and have an IRON bladder. I can wait hours to go to the bathroom. But I think the alcohol from the night before did me in, because not 20 minutes later, my bladder feels like a huge water balloon on the verge of bursting. I was legitimately scared I was going to piss myself. There was 40 minutes left of the ride and I was getting nervous. We were on the highway. I finally spoke up when the GPS said we were taking an exit in 2 miles. I asked if we could stop at the first gas station when we get off on the exit and they said sure no problem. I didn’t tell them how urgent it was. 20 more minutes later (20 mins left of the ride) I’m constantly shifting my feet and clenching and unclenching my muscles. There has been absolutely no sign of a gas station, convenience store, or ANYTHING. I’m scared I’m going to wet my tan shorts and have to literally turn around and go home after an hour and 40 minutes of driving, ruining my sister’s birthday. FINALLY, with only 12 minutes of the ride left, I spot a Walgreens. We pull in, and when I got out of the car, I felt like I had a fucking boulder sitting above my hips. I couldn’t stand up completely straight, it was that tight. I manage to carefully walk at a slightly faster pace into the Walgreens. I don’t see a sign for a restroom, and the cashier was busy, so I walked up to the pharmacy counter. There was one man back there. I said “excuse me” before realizing he was on the phone. He held up a finger to give him a minute. I did NOT have a minute left. I’ve never been this desperate in my life. I hobble around the back of the store, I’ve now walked almost the entire perimeter of it and there’s a creeping horror that this Walgreens might not have a public restroom. I’m starting to freak out, because if they don’t, I will NOT make it to another place before my bladder gives out. Finally, I see a hallway. No signs or anything. Go down past a break room, and FINALLY see a bathroom. There was one stall in that bathroom. Someone was looking out for me, because it was empty. When I sat down, my bladder had a hard time letting go for a second…and then it gushed out of me so hard I’m sure anyone could’ve heard it from outside. I peed for a minute straight and then it stopped…another gush…stop…another gush…and kept going on like that for another minute. By the time I finished, my shorts felt loose!

I couldn’t believe the irony of the whole situation, I was TERRIFIED Y’ALL. Anyways.

TLDR: I almost pissed myself and ruined my sister’s birthday.

[studentbyday]

^^ me psyching myself up for the coming week 😂 according to @zzzzzestforlife, as i progress through uni, i'm able to procrastinate more and still stay on track bc i'm becoming more familiar with the material. i didn't realize that i was procrastinating THAT much more 😅 THINK OF ALL THE THINGS I COULD DO IF I DIDN'T PROCRASTINATE SO MUCH!!! 😯😯😯 this week i'm gonna trrryyy to minimize my procrastination by leaving my phone in another room bc my lazy bum does not like the idea of having to leave her seat 😂 (it worked today...especially since i left it with zesty who would shame me for scrolling when i'm not done 😅)

learning:

finish all of that mol bio section that i can ✅

finish psyc ch 3/3 ✅ (well...almost done)

finish section 4/5 of biochem + start section 5/5 ✅

work on biochem hw for this module ✅

bonus: start reviewing for mol bio midterm (it's on Thursday and tho it's only on these 2 modules we've covered so far, they are huuugggeee 😭 i hope i can review it all... even tho i would have liked to start reviewing earlier, i can still finish it in time. the first module has a lot of overlap with biochem anyway, which i already reviewed last week for THAT midterm, so at least that part is nothing new.)

self-care:

physio exercises ✅

journal ✅

[aristocratic-otter]

Thank you to @bookish-bogwitch, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @larkral, @palimpsessed, @faacethefacts-dead, @moodandmist, @whogaveyoupermission, @ionlydrinkhotwater, @basiltonbutliketheherb, @hushed-chorus, @nightimedreamersghost, @fatalfangirl @tea-brigade, @stardustasincocaine, and @artsyunderstudy for the tags today and Wednesday.

I managed to catch up with my work enough tonight to actually post something! I've not written a ton, just a few sentences a night. But here's some short bits. Ok, not really very short bits😆 :

Under the cut for length

From next year's COTTA contender, Baz POV:

Bunce sniffles hard, and swipes her arm across her eyes before nodding. “He was my best friend,” she says, her voice thick with more potential tears. “Or is, I suppose. It’s not like we had a friend breakup. But he moved away, a bit over two years ago. And he never called, or wrote.” She swipes at her eyes again. 

My heart aches for her. Whoever or whatever this boy is, he has a lot to answer for when I see him next. Who does that to a friend?

From my 2021 COTTA , Westward Son (help 😭), Shepard POV:

“What do you know of the trail ahead?” Baz asks. I can tell he’s striving to sound casual, like this news isn’t everything to us. We’ve lost time battling the demons, and the gruesome fate of the Donner party is constantly in our minds. 

The mustachioed Captain shakes his head solemnly. “It’s late for you to be heading west, I won’t lie to you, son. You’re looking at over two hundred miles just to get to the Blue Mountains, and then the crossing…” He shakes his head again. “You’ve got nigh unto 800 miles to Willamette valley and it’s nearly September. You’d probably be better off wintering here and trying again in the spring.”

I watch as my friends exchange glances. Then Baz (he’s apparently been designated the de facto leader of our little group. Henri’s English isn’t great, and Simon’s speaking isn’t good at the best of times) asks, “What of supplies? Are there supplies enough to support our group through to April?”

The Captain’s grim look answers for him.

From Raising Dragons, Chapter 8, Simon POV:

I’m nervous now, though. Things have gone well…but I’m not sure how he’d prefer to end the night. He and I are back home now, watching an old episode of The Great British Baking Show and I’m watching him while pretending not to watch him. There’s a particular thing he often does while watching telly, and I need him to do it so that I’ll have an excuse to suggest our next activity. 

So far, he’s just looking sleepy and content. Maybe I overdid it with taking him for Italian for dinner? Pasta does always make him sleepy. (And that old idea that vampires are repelled by garlic is bollocks; Baz inhales the stuff). 

But there! Baz stretches his neck and rolls it a bit from side to side; his tiny little tell that his muscles are stiff. He may be immune to germs, but he suffers as much as any human from sore muscles, and I kept him on the go all day today. 

“Sore?” I ask, striving to sound casual.

“Mmmhmm,” Baz hums. 

“Want a neck rub?” I offer, without looking up from the telly, so he’ll think that this isn’t at all premeditated. 

Baz turns to give me an unreadable look. I don’t look back. I pretend to be engrossed in watching Mary Berry eat yet more cake. 

“That’d be nice,” he says slowly. I nod, trying for nonchalance, and gesture for him to sit in front of me, between my spread legs. He complies.

And, SFW, but a hint at sexy times to come, from my Carry On Reverse Bang fic, Playing with Fire, Treading Thin Ice, here's some Simon fretting:

I’m eying the bed with a sense of unease. I’ve been wanting to have sex with Baz for weeks, and I think I pushed for an overnight getaway to psyche myself up for it. 

So, object achieved. Now if only I can keep my spark reined in long enough to consummate (heh) my goal…

The problem is, my spark seems as obsessed with Baz as I am. I’ve dated before, boys and girls, and it stayed firmly inside my skin the whole time. But all Baz has to do is touch me and it’s surging towards him like the tide. 

It's late, but I'll tag a few folks for Sunday:

@angelsfalling16, @bazzybelle, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @cutestkilla, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @fight-surrender, @foolofabookwyrm-activated, @giishu, @ileadacharmedlife, @johnwgrey, @krisrix, @prettylightsbigcity, @raenestee, @urban-sith, @whatevertheweather, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[kitten4sannie]

groupie anon back at it again!! also this nickname has me BLUSHING grhsfbksj also reading your replies is always so fun because I get to see my original message too (I have a terrible memory and so it's always a surprise for me too)

my rant is significantly shorter this time, though I do have to address one thing: calling yungi the 'twin towers' was FOUULL. it had me wheezing, that shit was hilarious and I will be using that from now on.

I write for different anime fandoms! (I feel like I gave my account away hahaha oh well, oopsie). see, I prefer writing fluff because it makes me blush and act even more delulu than I already am, but smut is your forte. you write it so well it makes me curl up into a ball and wonder what good I did in my life to deserve such immaculate pieces of literature.

also I spent almost all day at work today thinking about what I could write about for my first kpop fanfic and I've circled back to this one idea like 5 times.... sannie sick fic. SANNIE SICK FIC!!!!! no seriously imagine him all snotty and flushed, BEGGING to be cuddled but you can't because he's contagious, so you make him soup and tuck him in and he's so cute and soft and his hair is definitely greasy because he's been in bed for almost a week straight (but you give him a scalp massage because he's sannie and nothing can keep you away from him) but not even a yucky virus can stop his talkativeness and he keeps rambling until you shove a spoonful of soup into his mouth to shut him up and he's so FLIRTY like sir are you sick or are you drunk?? he's so in love and reader is just as in love with him back.

phew.

okay so sannie came up and suddenly I'm a liar for saying my rant would be shorter this time (isn't this the longest message I've sent so far??). I think you can tell why I enjoyed that san fic so much ahdbsjfbs he's got me in the tightest chokehold, there's nothing I wouldn't let him do. absolutely nothing, anything that was once off the table is very much on the table if he wishes it to be. the man can reach inside my body, pull out one of my kidneys, sell it, then fuck me into the mattress, and I would still get on my knees and beg to suck his dick afterwards. seonghwa, too, can treat me like I'm nothing but a couple holes to play with. I genuinely need to censor myself right now because if I say any more, the psych ward people might come for me.

also drummer jongho is so... yes. despite not reading any jongho fics, I will be found dead before I ever deny that that man does not give off the most attractive energy ever, but he's also a cute little teddy bear. personally, I love fics where he's my little brother hafjdbf, they're literally always the best ones ahaha.

uni started again for the year and I thought I'd be more busy with that and work, but I will personally make time to write that sannie fic because it's life or death at this point tbh. happiness doesn't come from grades, it comes from booseoksoon and sannie sick fics. also it would be nice to actually chat normally rather than through asks hahhaha.

until next time!! (I will read the valentine day hwa fic tonight, so you will probably get another message from me soon - I read the tags, I need a couple hours to mentally prepare for it)

P.S., my laptop crashed three times while I was writing this, but the universe will never stop me from sharing my love.

hey!! blushing pleaseee stop being so wholesome rn i can’t take it 😭😭 i love it too it’s like we’re public pen pals ;;;; pffff no same i have the memory of a fruit fly i prob won’t even remember what i typed out after i finish this sentence jshdgd

it was so foul fnrrrr but also so true!! i actually saw someone else on here use that term so kudos to them for coining that shit’s funny af and i’m glad you could get a good laugh out of it!

anime fandoms hmmmmm i’m gonna do a little investigating 👀🔍 ughhh i love fluff that shit makes me blush harder than hardcore smut i swear ??? pleasee you’re gassing me up sm it’s making me feel like debby ryan in that one movie 😭

little cut here

SICK SANNIE FIC ???? my third eye is open and my chakras are aligned like - you’re a genius dude!!! NOT FEEDING HIM SOUP AND GIVING HIM A SCALP MASSAGE AND HES ALL FLUSHED AND HES STILL FLIRTINGGGG EVEN THOSE HES DYING THATS SO FUCKING SWEET IM GETTING A CAVITY RN,, sorry for yelling but damn son

BROOOO I CANT - the thirstiness for san is so fucking relatable it hurts like i swear i’ve never been down this bad for anyone before but i would actually sell my soul to lucifer himself rn just to be a hole for that man but honestly anyone and everyone in ateez could get 25/8 and it’s cool the psych ward is knocking at my door as we speak 💅🏼

jongho was actually my very first bias!! his stage presence and voice during the their first mama performance (which was the first ateez thing i ever saw) blew me away and THEN i find out he’s the sweetest, softest, most respectful man to ever exist ??? and his gummy smile broooo holy shit

i hope uni and work goes well! exactly you should do the things you love 💕 feel free to send me a message! i don’t bite <3 i hope you enjoy it! i don’t blame you every time i see a tag for sub hwa my brain feels a little fuzzy ngl. i’m sorry it crashed ;; i appreciate you sharing it with me 💜

nooo i’m sorry it crashed! my phone closes tumblr all the time when i’m in the middle of typing and it takes years off my life 😔 god you’re so sweet 😭

[whentherewerebicycles]

hello! prepare for a long chatty life update. I went out with friends last night and it was so nice wahh. then I slept nine hours and that was glorious too. turns out this week’s sleep trouble was just my usual pre-period insomnia and not my new magic sleeping meds failing me. phew!!! I took Pip to our new vet this morning for his annual checkup and he was such a sweet boy even through the indignity of many shots. 😭😭 I love my little dog so much. also when Pip sits his front paws point outwards in a way that makes him look like he’s posing, and today the vet techs were like ‘awww how sweet! you know that’s actually a genetic deformity, right?’ I was like ummm excuse me. this is the best dog who has ever lived and he is perfectly formed in every way so think carefully about how you describe his flawless & unique paws please!! anyway he is in excellent health and three different people independently praised him for being so lean & well-conditioned. I can’t wait for fall (and/or to get him to seattle) so we can resume his preferred 70 min walks instead of the 30 min forced marches we are limited to in the summer.

then I came home and started working my way through one of the books I bought on evidence-informed learning design in training contexts. it’s interesting so far! not a lot of new content yet but it’s kind of nice to go back to basics and resolidify my understanding of core concepts/frameworks. I feel like it’s making me a bit sleeeepy though so I might just do an hour each day instead of trying to power through. I have four weeks left before new job starts… I think I just want to read two or three of these fairly dense books so I go into the first month feeling like I have an understanding of how the L&D profession overlaps with/differs from the classroom pedagogy stuff I’m more familiar with. I also want to read more about the history and structure of my government agency so I have at least a rough mental framework to fit first-month new information into. THAT SAID as psyched as I am to get started on a New Project (tackling a new job lol) I need to remind myself to also enjoy this time and try to use it to really fully decompress from the year and job search stress. it’s okay to just let myself enjoy this month of very few responsibilities.

next week I need to reach out to my current boss to let her know that I accepted the position… and I need to do that sooner rather than later because they’re starting to process my security clearance and that involves interviewing my references. I hope she isn’t upset with me for kinda changing gears after we talked last, but I’m also reminding myself that it’s normal to change jobs and that I went above and beyond trying to make things work with them… they didn’t move fast enough to make it feasible for me and it’s okay for me to make decisions that prioritize my own long-term future (because academia sure as hell won’t do that for me!). I can’t decide if I hope the grant funds come through & they let me do it as a part-time position with support staff, or if I hope it doesn’t come through and my energy is just freed up to focus on the new job + creative projects. we will see what the universe decides.

we released the first two episodes of our hockey fandom podcast yesterday and have gotten a nice response so far! I am deep in planning/research mode for future episodes and might spend the rest of the afternoon working on that. I feel like my brain is a little bit too fried still to write short things or fully dive into my new long project (I need a bit more rest/recovery I think) so I’m gonna let myself continue taking a little break from writing and instead focus on building out this other project so it’s up and running by the time the job starts. ooh and I am also going to beta a friend’s fic this weekend—tonight or tomorrow tbd.

okay let’s see. going to drive to target now to pick up a curbside order and then I think I want to lie in bed doing nothing or maybe thinking a bit about podcast planning. I have this idea that if we can create like… a planning structure of some kind? a brainstorming and research template kinda thing? it’ll help organize and streamline our prerecording thinking so we can have deeper conversations in the actual recording session. I like the idea of designing a repeatable learning exercise that will make the planning process more seamless, so if we get really busy with real life stuff we won’t have to expend as much intellectual bandwidth on the prep & planning work each week. idk just something I am kicking around we’ll see. mmkay! if I go to target I will have cherries to eat 😍 so it is time to make the quick drive over.

[sh1-n0bu]

Eeeee I’m so sorry I forgot to check up on you today! That 8:30 am lecture did not go well 😭 Anyways! Enough about me! Have you drank water? Eaten food? Taken a break? Slept well? Take care of yourself miss Nobu!!!!

(Haha I got chased by the biology kids again 😀 had to vault over one of the shorter ones today soooo…)

(HE’S FINE I PROMISE)

- Medicine Major Anon

(This is a common occurrence for the med students I promise… but even though I’ve been tagging myself as medicine major I major in psych… oh well. It’s still a form of medicine.)

is okiiii dw life happens and we all get busy at times, nothing to worry over. and yis yos, ive taken a great care of myself! but i accidentally stepped on shit when using the public bathroom of my work place like KFMSKNFKEJDJ currently washing my shoes as we speak

what abt youuuuu?!?!?! YOU BETTER HAVE DRANK SMT ORHER THAN ENERGY DRINK AND COFFEE AND ATE SMT AND HAD THE BARE MINIMUM OF 6 HOURS SLEEP

[nemovanilla]

I used to be scared of writing and posting my work for others to read because I thought it would be bad. But then I thought to myself, "well, even if it's bad now, I can get better!"

And even if I think it's bad, someone else probably thinks it's the greatest thing ever. They probably read my story on a bad day and felt better because they had those moments of enjoying something that I created. That's something I think about sometimes.

Even so, still today, I have my moments of insecurity sometimes, I won't lie. But I noticed how much I have improved. And I improved because I kept writing. I kept writing because I enjoyed it. That's something I tell myself every time I go to write a story. "I write for me. I write because it gives me happiness." When I write out of the love for doing so, my story comes out great because I write from self-encouragement and care.

I take breaks in between to not overwhelm myself, too.

Now, even if takes you forever to want to share your work, and you are not obligated to, no one can't force you to, remember to try to write anyways for yourself. Don't give up if it's something you genuinely enjoy doing it.

Thank you ❤️

The reason I was getting so psyched out about it is because this is something I’ve been working on since I was nine. It’s quite literally my life’s work 😭 and this has turned into… well, my life. I always get so worried that it won’t be good enough. I’ll have wasted all these years. But… you’re right, it’s okay if it’s technically bad. What matters is if it makes me happy. And I managed in the end :). I also have to remember that it’s only the first draft lmao, so naturally it will suck…

Thank you for sending such a kind ask :) it really does make me feel reassured (I’ve gotten like. One other before and it was hate mail lmao)

[snowieluna]

Random post popped up reminding me that Viibryd exists and I used to take it. The brain zaps were hell, and my doctor didn't believe that was a side effect 🙃

Life is weird. Last week I freaked out because JR is moving to the lab. Body had a "our powers combined" moment of shitty things that led to me crying in the bathroom at work, then continuing to cry at my station while trying to hide it. Period was early, I made a small mistake not cleaning the pill counter sooner, JR pointing that out triggered rejection sensitivity, and Daylight Savings seemed to be bringing on seasonal depression.

So when I found out he was going, I panicked. I got attached super quick and didn't want him to go. Also felt a little conflicted because I had decided to stay in filling rather than pursue moving to the lab partly because of him. I thought he was pretty cool and I wanted to get to know him better. But I learned that he's been wanting to move to the lab for months, and it feels shitty not being happy for him. But him leaving brought up a bunch of memories from CR leaving at the last job. How I had to go outside so I could cry in peace and try to breathe. That bad pain in your chest from being abandoned again. (Yeah dramatic brain is dramatic.)

So when I was back at my station and trying to calm down, I was failing. Because I'm partly focused on trying to breathe, trying to fill testosterone orders, and trying to not be super obvious with my current breakdown. So I'm breaking boxes from packing syringes when my brain goes to "I could cut myself with my box cutter. It could look like an accident. It might help. It'd be logical to be crying from a bad cut. And maybe I'd feel better. The pain is a little shock. And I deserve it, right? I'm a shitty friend for not being happy for him." But I pushed past the thought. And honestly later on, he kind of made me feel better. I'm not sure if he noticed that I was off, but he got me talking about music and it helped.

So onto this week. I went in, depressed that he was probably not going to be there, but he was still in filling. I heard bits of him talking to the others in Spanish, that he might be staying until our other coworker gets back from vacation. (Which tbh I kinda thought would happen. It doesn't make sense to have us down two people at night.) But he was kinda in an off mood, besides me still being in depression mode, so the vibes have been weird.

Now another coworker from the day shift has moved to nights, so that helps with us being short. So now JR is gonna start lab stuff on Friday. I've been trying to be less reliant on him this week. Bugging him less for help. A different coworker from the day shift joked that I should be asking JR for help when I couldn't reach something today, and I kinda shot back "Well he's leaving me, so..." So later on when I carried a bunch of meds downstairs, he was like "Hey! You're good. You don't even need me." It still kinda hurt, like no dude, I'm still gonna miss you.

Finally got the courage to be like "So I've had something I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to freak you out." Cue our coworker popping back up to drop off the pill counter. Yo my heart was pounding. Like damn I've been psyching myself the past ten minutes 😭 After she went back downstairs, I continued. "So you remember I said I was in an open relationship? Well, is that something you'd be interested in?" And he said right now, no, but it's nothing he'd freak out about. I said something like "That's fine. I had to ask, though. You're really cute." 🙈 He said he appreciated the directness, and we both agreed that signals are hard to read. He seemed a tiny bit flustered after, but we went to visit the pharmacist's bulldog downstairs. Then I babbled about cosplay, and it felt comfortable again.

Like obviously I'm bummed I won't get to do anything with him. Hell, he accidentally flicked me with his hair earlier when he turned quick and I was more like 😳 than annoyed I got hit in the face. He's still gonna give me the doki dokis tomorrow, but I'm glad I got to ask, and not keep thinking "what if." Plus he knows how I feel and if he changes his mind, I'm here 😆

So I guess that's the end of that? I'm hoping we still get to catch up more on breaks sometimes.

[eoieopda]

Hello love

Hope you’ve been well.

For me honestly i was really confused between dental, surgery and veterinary sciences which is why i chose to do a premed in psych. So after i migrate if one of these degrees is for me then i will go for it otherwise i shall continue with psych and *fingers crossed* will get a phd along with a lectureship😚👉👈

When i think about my academics it makes me SO mad because covid ruined so much for me as it has for everyone but i lost myself a lil along the way💔

But hey, how’s work been love? Do you have any pets? Cause i do have a ginger cat🤪

How have you been? Whats been on your mind lately?

The question for today is: What’s your favourite flower?

hope your supper is tasty and both sides of your pillow are cold💚💚

🍀

dr. shamrock is back in the building!!!! 😭🙌🏻

the COVID dark ages truly fucked up the collective psyche and i’m still waiting to feel, like, fully steady tbh. i’m sorry that knocked you off course, but i’m v proud of you for finding your way despite it all! 🫶🏻

lately, i’ve been burning up all my brain cells trying to get foresight written and proofed and posted! it’ll be a huge sigh of relief when i can finally get that done. truly a labor of love, don’t get me wrong, it’s just a very big task on my list!

i dooooo have a pet! i have a bernese mountain dog named miso, and i’m in the process of adopting a sibling pair of kittens! i had a cat until mid-2022 but he passed away (old age.) the house feels too empty these days. he was ginger, too 👀

i hope you’re having a good week, my beloved ☘️!! 💕

[naturalbornkillass]

first blog! depressed as hell tho

grammar may be a bit off since i copy and pasted this right from my notes without reading it

june 21st, stressing the fuck out, pulling my hair out, stabbing my paper work with a pencil and wanting to kill myself. I FUCKING HATE GEOMETRY 😭😭😭 MR ARNOLD SPECIFICALLY!!! i hope his car gets showered by bird poop!! 

i don’t know how i’ll manage. my practitioner said to use an ice pack and place it behind my neck. I hope it helps. I only met him today, but I already love him. Speaking of such, I finally got a proper diagnosis. Wooo bpd!

 i feel like i’ll fail. i usually like to slap the nonsense out of people who derive themselves with negativity before a test, but this is different. My math teacher is a miserable piece of shit because he cant even get any bitches!!! He’s not good with kids at all, and i bet he sits around with his lousy little self in his lousy little room, playing video games all day. He barely does anything to really help with his students, his way of helping is giving motivational speeches where he blames us for not meeting his expectations. He literally recycles all of his work. He gives video lessons when he’s feeling lazy, which is barely a fucking lesson, despite eating up about an hour or more of my life. I’m glad he made us do a year reflection regarding his performance as a teacher because he needs to see and hear how much of a piece of shit and unhelpful teacher he really is. Hopefully he learns from it. Anyways, I wouldn’t be as stressed as I am if I only had one final BUT I HAVE TWO!!

I’m really anxious about history. Not as much as i am with math, but i really want to get into AP psych. Must show colleges how much of a passionate psychology junkie I am so they’ll accept me. anyhow, i’ll catch up with u guys tomorrow. i need to study myself into sleep. i want to die

actually, small rant before i go, i really fucking hate filipino elders, they think theyre the most intelligent of all. Humble yourself, just because you’re older doesnt mean that you know every single thing about the world. They practically insult your intelligence by saying the most generic phrases ever then act like theyre yoda or some shit. wow. thank you for telling me that i’ll do well in school if i focus on my studies. thank you for advising me to be happy and comparing your goddamn struggles and acting like you have it worse than me because quite frankly, i couldnt give less of a fuck. I swear i’ll go in the middle of the streets of new york and pay guys to rape me and take me all the way to Nicaragua to turn me into a sex slave so that maybe, just maybe, i’ll be traumatized enough so that my parents will take my shit seriously.

okay bye. going to study now. going to cry and die. bye gays and slays, will be tuning in tomorrow!

Fav moments of the day:

I love aishwarya fr <3

[sore-child]

I always wonder if the people closest to me think about me the way I think about them.

Today has been a fuck for brain. Went basically all day head empty but feeling generally bad and now that I'm in bed allllll the bad thoughts are here. Lately I feel so not thought of by anyone. Not in a "they hate me" way but more of a "I have something better to do/someone better to talk to" way. And I hope I'm wrong and that it's just my brain doing stupid shit again. But fuck I hate this shit. I have an appointment with a new psych on Monday, I should maybe get my list of actual symptoms and not feelings. I want to feel better so badly.... And now all of a sudden I got that sudden hit of hyper awareness. Like I feel weird that I'm laying here typing this out ?? Like I feel like I shouldn't?? I can't tell if I'm overreacting? I'm not sure what I feel but I know it's bad. Maybe it has to do with all the shit I've been seeing of people cheating, both just random internet posts and I watched a fuck ton of Maury last night. Well I guess it's two nights ago now. And then the Julian and Terra thing. Like I want Julian to be happy but I get major bad vibes off what they told me about Terra. Gives me major Brian vibes. Plus I've still been feeling ugly and undesirable as a whole. That's a feeling that never goes away but it's amplified right now. Maybe it's the heat?? Also it was just a full moon in Sagittarius so maybe that has something to do with how I'm feeling? I don't know I'm just so confused and I feel like shit. I want to go somewhere fun to get my mind off it. I wish I could drive so I could just go to Walmart or the mall or somewhere I've never even been before. I really want these stores across the street to open soon because I really want a job. Im so tired of sitting at home doing nothing. I could work at one of those gas stations but those ones make me feel so closed in. I'm afraid I'm gonna have a whole meltdown because of it. Plus I'm so fucking huge I feel like I will constantly knock stuff over and break stuff. If I found like a bus that puts me directly by somewhere I would work that would be cool. But I can't even think of anywhere. Target would be cool but they never fucking hire anyone with no experience. I remember applying there a few years ago and literally the next day they said no. Ulta or Sally's would be cool but I think you need a cosmetology license to work at either of them. I wish Daystar could have been able to hire me quickly. I wish the mission would take people with no experience plus the one boss guy that was there in 2018 was such an asshole to the girl working there. And starship earth would be perfect for me but she never hires anyone except sometimes around holidays...god I'm fucking ranting but also another reason I might feel like garbage is because of the stress over Tori. My mom pisses me off so fucking much and I'm dreading going to this fucking work dinner thing with her on Tuesday. But if I don't go she will know I'm avoiding her and I don't want to add on to all the shit just over a dinner. I would rather it be over something worth it.

It's posts like this that make me wonder if I have BPD ?? I really really really don't want it. I'm not an angry person but basically everything else about it seems to add up. I don't wanna be a manic pixie dream girl. I just want to be normal 😭 God my brain keeps switching up and now I specifically have the part in without love by Alice Glass where she says "am I worth it or am I worthless? Will I ever figure it out?". I go for months not remembering that song and then it pops into my mind when I'm feeling like shit about myself and I don't even have to hear it. I don't even remember the last time I heard it. I'm so tiiiiiired. I have to make myself sleep, I hate staying up past when the sun comes up.

[1000-directions]

good stuff 12-16-21

today there was a holiday party at work, which i’d known about but wasn’t sure i was going to participate in. they have a lot of parties at work, but i’ve never really been included because prior to covid, i didn’t work on this floor, and since covid, i work from home 2/3 of the time. so most of my coworkers don’t know i’m a vegetarian and there isn’t an easy way to bring it up casually that isn’t like me asking for special treatment, which i never would. so i didn’t want them to feel like they had to provide special food just for me. but there ended up being food i could eat, so i went to the party for a little while and paid the girl who organized it after the fact, and she did say that she will want to make sure i’m included going forward. i know i make it a bigger deal than it is! people always want to accommodate me if they know about it! i just never want to inconvenience people!! even though it’s always fine!!!!!

my manager who retired dropped by for the party 😭😭 i only got to talk with her a little bit, but it was so nice. i miss her so much, and just her presence was really reassuring and lovely.

after work, my friend asked me to come over and she’d grab take out. and then she texted me she was grabbing a drink but she’d grab food on the way home. and then she just ended up inviting me out for a drink, and i was like...not the most psyched about it. and i thought it was just going to be her and one other person i didn’t know, but it ended up being four people i didn’t know, which is a lot for me anyway and extra a lot for me these days. and it was awkward at first, but i stuck it out and kind of like forced myself to have a good attitude. and most of the other people ended up leaving pretty quickly and it was just me and my friend and one other person who was really great, and it ended up being a nice night.

OH OH OH MY WASHER AND DRYER ARE BOTH FIXED!!!!!!!! IT’S BEEN!!!!! SO LONG!!!!!!! BUT NOW I CAN DO LAUNDRY AGAIN INSIDE MY OWN ACTUAL APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bisluthq]

I need some aunty nat gay advice 😭 tw self harm

So I liked this girl, we hung out, we flirted, whatever. She told me she was bi so I knew I wasn’t misconstruing things, but this girl is super religious and I didn’t know how religious until the other day. She told me her church “accepts gay people but does not allow them to act on their same-sex attraction”. And I was like… oh. So I was telling her how there are other churches and how she can still believe in god and be able to live a happy fulfilling life as a bisexual Christian but she didn’t really want to hear it which whatever that’s your prerogative to be miserable I guess.

Then in the span of 15 seconds she told me 1) she’s in love with her best friend but won’t date her bc Jesus 2) she flirts with me because I’m attractive and 3) she cuts herself over the guilt of flirting with me and her best friend and she showed me the scars on her arm.

I just couldn’t process it. I told her to get a therapist and she said “I’m talking to you” and… that’s just selfish esp when I work in a psych hospital like 2 hours into my shift the same day she told me this I found a pt with a sweatshirt tied around his neck (he is fine now but still). Like I just can’t be someone’s therapist and be their friend esp not when she’s telling me she’s cutting herself over ME. I shouldn’t be who you’re talking to when I’m a trigger anyway

But am I the asshole for not talking to her and not giving her closure? Like I just can’t deal with this esp not right before finals. It’s not so much that she led me on (which she texted me today and was like “I’m sorry I don’t know what I want and shouldn’t have flirted with you just because you’re attractive” 🙄 like yes thank you for realizing that I am not a toy just bc I’m pretty) like to me that isn’t the real issue it’s that she told me she cuts herself because of it. I also know I can’t be around that kind of super-religious Christianity, I am a deist like I’m not against religion or god, but she said to me at one point too “you could end up marrying a woman and be fine with it but I couldn’t” and how is that supposed to make me feel? Like if we stay friends she’s going to be judging me for the sinful way I’m living my life when I date a girl and I don’t want that in my life. It took me a long time to get to a good headspace about who I am and I don’t want to be dragged back into that negativity.

I definitely need space from her but I don’t know if I should text her back or call her to explain myself or if I should just block her on everything. This has been making me sick all week 😭

Nah I think cut that shit off. You told her to get help - you can’t really do more. This is now fucking you up and that is just unfair to you. If she asks for specific help you can chime in again but dude you can’t like be her therapist and her trigger and her friend and the girl she’s flirting with or something. That’s just fucked up. On one hand I’d say call her and just explain why you can’t do this anymore but also that could be more triggering to her so personally I’d just leave it if I were you.

[kyunsies]

Mädch!!! I'm so excited for Kihyun’s solo!!!! I've been trying to write a book about pirates so I've got such a soft spot for ocean concepts (even though I hate the ocean LOL)

Anyway I hope your work/school and everything is going well! I'm so impressed with you and your dedication :)

BUT OKAY. I HAVE NEWS.

On Tuesday my bf visited me at work and PROPOSED. Which, I knew was gonna happen, I just didn't know when??? But yeah!!! I'm officially engaged and it's probably the biggest news in my life in literally years 😂 and I wanted to share it 😊

Love you!!

-🌙

(Also! I just saw your Goodnight post. Please take care of yourself and stay safe! It snowed today for the first time since like.... early January and it's not fun :((( i hope you feel better!)

hi angel !! so sorry this is late 😭 i’ve been relaxing all afternoon after clinical djdjdjd :’) BUT AHH im so excited too !!!!! the aesthetic is right up my alley it just is so nice and clean and minimalistic just like him 💗💞💖💓💕💕 also you’re writing a book WHAT ???? for like publishing and all of that ??? :o

but yeah hun my schedule is okay this week, my preceptors is on vacation so i kinda had the week to myself and didn’t have any preceptorship, but i work a double next weekend hhhh <3 i also finished my rotation for chronic health today and now next week upstart my last rotation, psych! we’re getting there !!! thank you for your words 💖

OH MY GOD YOURE GETTING MARRIED 😭😭😭😭 CONGRATULATIONS HOLY MOLY it seems like yesterday you were telling me how you just met him ….,, WOW ;____; are you happy and excited? i’m sure you are 🥺💖