#not proud of this but I do love oswald and I have to prove that somehow so on the fridge they go

[constehlla]

Most recently obsessed with the Oh My Ortensia! Disney parade in which Oswald loves his wife so so much and does a little dance about it

[riddle-me-ri]

So we’ve already got daddy!Oz…how do you think the other Penguins would feel about their S/O wanting to call them daddy (or something similar) in bed?

a/n:  Whelp, looks like it’s time for the pengys to get the daddy treatment lol. This took way longer than it should have, my bad rip. Definitely wasn’t surprised when I got asked for this more than once lmao, some would be into it and some would definitely be confused by it lol. Sorry if some of these are repetitive that’s always likely with these headcanons rip

Content Warning: mildly suggestive dialogue and scenarios related to daddy kinks

The Penguins with a S/O That Has a Daddy Kink

Arkhamverse Penguin:

Oh, Oswald loves it. 

It's another means to show how powerful he is…in a more intimate way. 

He loves having his baby (boy/girl) perched up on his lap where you belong. 

Whenever you call out to him, he swells up with pride. 

He enjoys messing with you by correcting you. 

"Uh uh uh, now what do we say?" 

He acts annoyed but he loves it when you deliberately disobey…

Oswald enjoys punishing you just as much as spoiling you. 

Reevesverse/Farrell Penguin:

I mean…does he need an explanation?

The fandom has already blessed him with this title

As we should because asdfghh Oz is littered with daddy material

So he obviously, really, really enjoys it. 

A proud grin grows on his face every time you call him daddy.

He enjoys spoiling you, especially once he takes over.

You get a power high from being his partner

And he gets one from being your daddy.

Gotham Penguin: 

It takes him by surprise at first. 

Where-where the hell did that come from?

Oswald is genuinely unsure how to make of it. 

He’s all for power dynamics within your relationship…

He isn’t opposed to names like king, master, sir, you know?

It will take some getting used too for sure

The idea slowly grows on Oswald

Will most likely only have you call him that in private though

BTAS Penguin: 

Asdfghjj oswald.exe has stopped working. 

His face is as red as a tomato, stuttering over his extensive vocabulary. 

Oswald isn’t sure what to make of this more…provocative side of you.

He’s not entirely unsure of the concept, it just never occurred to him that he could take part in it. 

He is intrigued however, Oz is always looking for ways to please you. 

Ozzie enjoys spoiling you and praising you.

It takes time but he definitely gets into it.

Especially when it comes to correcting or chastising you for your naughty behavior. 

TNBA Penguin: 

He’s all for it. 

Oswald beams with pride every time. 

He takes to it much quicker than his BTAS counterpart. 

Doesn’t mind if you tease him by calling him daddy in public.

After all he teases you back relentlessly, daring you to retaliate. 

Oz enjoys it when you act mischievous around him and his colleagues…

Much like his BTAS counterpart he does enjoy the private sessions between you two.

Oswald relishes punishing you almost than he does spoiling you.

Telltale Penguin: 

Oh damn right, he’s your daddy.

Oz absolutely eats it up. 

He craves any attention and means to make him feel bigger and dominant (especially after you know…losing everything)

When you first refer to him as daddy, it’s almost impossible to wipe the smug grin off his face. 

I can definitely see him teasing you about it.

Even reminding you of what you call him when you two are in private when in public.

Don’t be afraid to tease back at him though.

Give him something to make him want to prove why he’s daddy in the first place.

One Bad Day Penguin: 

Honestly the best daddy, second to Farrell Penguin.

He adores the attention.

Ozzie likes having you around his finger. 

Oz enjoys praising you and showing you off with your arm linked around his. 

He loves giving you countless gifts; outfits, accessories, etc. and watching you wear them. 

He has no problem letting people know that you’re his baby boy/girl/ or just baby.

Ozzie has no qualms about the dynamic in the bedroom either, it definitely gets him going most nights. 

He’s always ready to tend to you and take care of you again like before. 

The Batman (2004) Penguin: 

Ohhh ohhh boy.

Also one of the pengys that are definitely into it.

He’s definitely aware of the term, but never once imagined it being applied to him in a relationship.

But he is almost delirously into it.

The first time you called him “daddy” his grin was so wide and it never faltered for a moment.

Like Telltale, he’s looking for anything to prove his superiority (albeit consensually with his partner) after losing his family influence. 

You calling him daddy is just the thing to get him going and to make himself feel bigger. 

Will likely refer to himself to you as daddy in third person in public, so hope you’re comfortable with that.

Batman Unlimited Penguin: 

Oswald.exe has stopped working #2

I feel like while this Oz pretends not to care about his age…

When it comes to your relationship, he’s very self-conscious about it. 

Anything that sort of highlights that fact he’s a little weary of. 

You’ll have to explain more about the dynamic and what you find appealing about it. 

Of course, Oz is game for anything that will make you happy.

It will take him a long time to adjust, his face will never not get flushed when you call him daddy.

Slowly but surely, he does grow to like it…it even makes him feel more confident in himself. 

[gothamitelove]

I haven't seem someone write for gothams riddler in such a long time 😭 can we have some headcanons of being his partner in crime but also in a relationship? Can u do him in the arkhamverse too if u have time 💕

hey anon! dw bestie, i gotcha!

edward nygma w/partner in crime (and other things)!reader

gotham!riddler

it’ll take a little bit to convince him that you’re not incompetent, and this sort of goes for just about every edward nygma out there. his One requirement is that you have to be able to keep up with him.

he’ll be a little brusque with you until he gets to know you better. once he does, though- imagine the loyalty he gave to oswald cobblepot back in s3. it’s like that.

so let’s think about it- you’re not stupid, you can follow directions, and you’re damn good at doing what he asks. on top of all of that, you seem perfectly happy to be around him. it’s pretty inevitable at this point that he’ll fall in love with you.

you become less of his henchperson and more of an equal as time goes on. you start getting bigger roles in his plans, he starts telling you why you’re doing something.

when he's happy with something you've done, he'll beam and it'll look a little like a beautiful sunrise. that smile, you'll later learn, is the one he only shows to you

if you get tossed into arkham or the gcpd’s lockup, he’s coming to get you. personally. and he’ll be real pissed about it, too, because how dare they lock you up! you’re too good for them anyway.

he flaunts your relationship all the time. to everyone. he's so proud of you, bestie

apart, you’re dangerous. together, you’re truly a force to be reckoned with.

arkham!riddler

you absolutely will have to prove to him that you're not stupid.

i mean, seriously, eddie thinks everyone's a dumbass, and you are not an exception at the beginning of all of this.

he won't admit outright that he was wrong about you, but he will grumble something along the lines of "i guess you're not as stupid as you look".

sure, it's backhanded, but let's read between the lines here. the fact that he even said that is practically a miracle in and of itself

you'll know he's really started to respect you when he starts incorporating your ideas into his plans.

(sometimes he doesn't even take credit for it. this is rare. but he will mutter something about "oh, and that over there, y/n came up with that." and then he'll go, "i improved on it, of course", but it's the thought that counts)

once he realizes you're not a threat to his intelligence, and actually helpful, he starts throwing around shit like "batman's so stupid, even y/n could handle him"

if anyone insults you he goes off on huge tangents about how wrong they are. he has made people cry doing that

you take on more responsibilities that he doesn't think are worth his time. normally edward wouldn't ever delegate stuff like that, but he trusts you and it shows

it's when he finally realizes his dependence on you that he actually sees his regard for you for what it is- oh fuck, it's love.

hope you liked these, anon! have a good day! <3

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hi!

sometimes i forget tumblr exists and i was indeed away

i just caught up to the story and f uck it was an emotional journey i will never recover from

can os please have an infinite infestation of tiny snails just everywhere for the rest of time because i hate him more than virgil

the watchers gc is absolutely spooky, with lil cobwebs and that one halloween font with orange and black and such, but the ringtone is horrificly contrasting to the layout, like lady gaga or smth

im so proud of remus! that is always a hard realisation and acceptance process, and to tell virgil like that was stunning.

Lukas i freakin love your writing, characterisation and just your way of making me feel deep emotions. you are so cooll

janus calling virgil goofy. thats it.

fellow british??

remy should stay at rowans place, i would love to see the conversations that happen

I hope you enjoy your break/vacay!!!!! You definetely deserve it :)) hopefully i will send more asks if i remember, gotta love short term memory

-🐌🕸

(hello C: welcome baaack. I'm back from my break as well and my dad has covid so I got lots of indoor quarantine time to write. Also Thanks!! im so glad you like my writing <33 i was kinda nervous i wouldn't be able to make it like emotionally strong enough after all the buildup so its really reasuring to hear

With your vote it is now a tie. 1 for Remy staying with Janus and 1 for Remy staying with Remus & Rowan. Either another person votes or I'll have to flip a coin fhjdk

btw ive seen some askblogs have like taglists. i can make a taglist for this blog if y'all want to? for memory help nd stuff)

Oswald was in the middle of brushing his teeth when he first noticed a tiny snail crawl on his hand. It moved onto the toothbrush and stopped to turn it's small snail head towards him.

It surprised him enough to make him drop the toothbrush into the sink. He took a step back and saw an entire horde of similarly tiny snails moving around his feet.

It barely took him a second of thinking before he grabbed onto the nearest heavy object and started swinging against any snail he could see. When he thought he had smacked one into a gooey little puddle he did a small smile to himself. But when he looked again the snail was still there. It stood still and stared directly up into his eyes.

He smacked the snail again and nothing changed. It was like the object simply went through it.

Oswald looked between the object in his hand and the many many snails on his floor before deciding to simply have a cigarette break.

-

"Ozzie you wouldn't mind cutting the fish you're supposed to instead of the table?" Oswald's coworker asked "The feeding is in 5 minutes, you know this! Are you high. Please don't tell me you're high. Last time a coworker was high here he nearly cut off his hand"

"It's a bit hard to focus on cutting fish heads when there is an infestation of snails all around me Brenda" He replied.

He chopped off one of the dead fishes' head while looking at her. It was muscle memory by now. She squinted at him.

"What snails?"

"Oh ha ha. You got me. Everyone is laughing. Good joke"

"There are three buckets of dead fish on the table but no snails and you better be finished with those three buckets in 5 minutes because I have a school class out there waiting to see some sharks snack on fish"

The coworker hadn't even had time to fully leave the room when Oswald muttered out some very mean words about her quite loudly. Something like "Din jävla hora"

"I can tell management if you insult me" She said while leaving.

"You can't prove anything sweetie!" He loudly replied in a fake cheery tone "Especially if it's in another language!"

--

"Just as a warning here, you're not afraid of octopi are you? Because I do have a little fella" Oswald asked.

"How the fuck should I know. Never seen one"

"I will take that as a no"

He had his hand gently intertwined with a short person as he lead them to his apartment. They were 20 years old. Give or take a few years. Looked a bit younger because of how tiny they were. They’d met only a couple hours ago.

He only let go of them to unlock the apartment door before holding it open for them. They ooohed and aaahed at the clean home. 

"And it's still free? Like you haven't changed your mind in the latest minute since I asked? I can just like stay?"

"Of course. It's no trouble at all. I have people crashing at my place constantly" He sent them a warm look "I just can't stop myself from helping when I see someone in need. I barely use the couch anyway!"

They excitedly shook his arm around "Thanks Os!!! Just the thought of having to couch crush for like a month before being able to move into my new place was really tearing at my nerves!"

They threw their arms around him. He loosely hugged them back and moved one of his hands to pet the top of their head.

"Now you only have to crash on one singular couch. Or you can take the bed. I don't min-"

"Are those also your..pets?" They suddenly asked. They pressed themself a bit closer to him.

"What are you referring to dear?"

"The uhm the snails" They looked around the room "How are there so many. What the- Where- Why would you even have this many. And you let them just roam around? Don't they- Don't they like eat cables? And clothes? And uhh bite on human fingers?"

He let up into a laugh "Snails? Don't be silly. Look sometimes large amounts of stress can just make your brain go a bit weird. Make you see things that aren't there"

"THe snail just touched me! It touched me! I can feel it!"

He tightened the hug. Just enough so they wouldn't notice. "All you need is some sleep, dinner, maybe a warm bath. You'll feel muc-"

"I- I think I just remembered a friend of mine said I could stay with him- yeah- I'll just uhm like call him-"

They pushed themself away from him and shook a few snails away from their foot before letting out a hasty goodbye as they rushed out of the apartment.

Oswald let out a long sigh and rubbed his forehead as he could feel a headache start to kick in. He half assedly tried to step on one of the snails which of course didn't seem affected by it in the slightest.

"So now you decide to be visible huh" He muttered "Are you snails suddenly allergic to girls perhaps. Hopefully you're allergic to hammers as well"

[thescullyphile]

Hi, I have a prompt for you: M&S at a party organized by the gunmen with 80s music and a lot of alcohol. Just two 'drunk in love' fools, enjoying themselves for once (and making out a lot). Have a good day ;)

A/N: This is my first ever prompt, so this made my day! I tried to be faithful to the prompt, but there are a fewww discrepancies, mostly because I know nothing about alcohol OR kissing. Nevertheless, I tried my best to deliver and I hope you enjoy. :D

Invitation

“Miss Dana Katherine Scully,

It would be our great honor to invite you to ‘A Night After His Own Heart’ to celebrate the publication of the 100th issue of The Lone Gunman and to memorialize our late President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Dinner and drinks will be provided, please dress according to semi formal guidelines.

Sincerely,

Messrs. John Fitzgerald Byers, Melvin Frohike, and Richard ‘Ringo’ Langly”

Assuming that Mulder was also attending, Scully put her RSVP in the mail without a second thought.

—

Two weeks later, Mulder knocked on Scully’s door in a suit and it felt so much like a date that she blushed. Thankfully, he shattered the illusion by holding up his tie and asking if she knew how to make a Trinity knot (she did).

They went from being perfectly on time to being fashionably late after the ‘Trinity knot trial,’ as Mulder wanted to call it, as if having Scully so close he could smell her perfume wasn’t an event he wanted to replicate. Frohike whistled when he opened the door (password: Lee Harvey Oswald). “Ms. Scully, looking especially divine tonight,” he grumbled, welcoming her with a sweep of his hand. “Oh, hey Mulder.”

The Lone Gunmen’s den was miraculously clean, computer screens flickering with projected candles, a detail Langly was proud of. A cluster of desks had been cleared out in favor of a large wooden table, and Frohike pulled out Scully’s chair with a flourish. A heavenly scent emanated from the back, where she assumed Byers and Langly were, and where Frohike blustered to after she was seated. She was left alone with Mulder, and he looked at her in the faux-candlelight and seemed almost shy. “I don’t know if...” he trailed off and gathered his courage. “I like your dress, Scully, you look beautiful.”

Scully couldn’t quite bite back a smile as she looked down like she was seeing herself for the first time. Her dress was pretty, elegant and off the shoulder in a deep maroon she knew was flattering. “Well, I had to get Frohike a gift, didn’t I?”

Mulder traced her throat with his eyes, and she wondered if he could see the wavering of her pulse point against her skin. “Do I get a gift too?” He asked softly.

Scully looked him in the eyes and opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by Langly entering with the singular largest chocolate cake she had ever seen. “My God.”

“Dinner is served.” Mulder said with entirely too much glee. Scully looked aghast, and he cracked a grin. “Don’t worry, you eat it, not the other way around.”

Scully was torn between a laugh and a grimace, and only settled on a laugh when Byers and Frohike approached with actual food. Mulder’s foot hooked under her chair, distracting her long enough that she didn’t notice three shot glasses being placed in front of her until it was too late. The table was set and alcohol served in what felt like microseconds, and upon seeing her quizzical look, Mulder leaned in to explain. He really didn’t need to be that close. Scully liked it. “In honor of JFK,” he whispered like it was a secret. “Sixty three shots proved a little ambitious, so we just settled on three.” He sounded amused, and with his breath brushing her ear, Scully already felt a little drunk.

Ever prudent, Byers served up lamb chops and mashed potatoes (a favorite of the late President) and they all ate before downing the shots. Mulder’s face wrinkled predictably, not one for hard liquor, and all the Lone Gunman covered up coughs as the alcohol burned through their chests. Then, suitably inebriated, Langly did the honors of carving up the cake. A piece the size of Mulder’s palm (when did that become her unit of measurement?) found its way to Scully’s plate, and she nibbled at it dutifully as Mulder inhaled cake like his life depended on it. She pushed her plate over to him when he finished his slice and he set at it with equal vigor. “I’m impressed, Mulder, you’d make a feral cat proud.” He almost choked on his cake from the unexpected onset of his laugh.

—

The better half of a bottle of vodka later, the giggling of the Gunmen over an apparently funny issue of their self-titled publication, and an odd 80s song playing in the background that Scully couldn’t tell was offensive or not proved the perfect cocktail for Mulder to work up his nerve. He cast a conspiratorial look at Scully, microexpressions turning macro as he leaned in close. “Do you want to dance?”

Both of them were pretending to be more drunk than they were, any excuse to bump into each other was suitable. Mulder pulled her close, fingers interlacing on the small of her back, his spot, while his chin rested on her hair. “Is it just me, or are you shorter than usual?”

Scully huffed and leaned her head against his chest. “My shoes are under the table.”

He hummed thoughtfully and kept them swaying, her stockinged feet slid on the tiled floor as Mulder led them in circles.

Emboldened, Scully looked at Mulder and  leaned up so she could whisper in his ear. “I know this is the boy’s party, but I do have a gift for you.”

Mulder’s heart rate rose. “Oh? And what would that be, Dana Katherine?” he murmured. She shivered at his use of her name and pressed a kiss to his lips. He tasted like chocolate cake and he smiled against her mouth, which would have been endearing if she hadn’t wanted to eat him alive. They broke apart minutes later, breathless and flushed, and Mulder held her close to his body. “I’m never going to let you go.”

[jeromesxreader16]

Such a Joker (53)

Part 52 Here!

~o0o~

I pack two sandwiches in my purse and proceed to cover my hair with the large silk scarf. "Where are you sneaking off to?" Babs asks walking past me and downing a drink. "Secret date? I figured you would get sick of the pale faced clown." I smile at my hands. I could never tire of my boy. I'm as crazy as him, maybe more, but he would never turn me away, and I could never leave him.

"I'm married." "Even better." I narrow my eyes at her. "Babs, I'm going to see my dad." She widens her eyes. "Now you're asking for a death wish." I walk out the door, my heels clicking every step. "If you say so."

I walk into the GCPD and can sense the chaos and tension thickly canned in the air. Not seconds later two individuals start brawling over bread. "Hey! Break it up!" My father pushes them back. "For all the new people here... everyone is welcome in Haven, but there are rules. And one of them is we leave the fighting outside. Government already thinks we don't deserve help. We have to show otherwise. Gangs want to tear themselves apart outside, that's their business. In here, in Haven... we help each other survive."  I hum with a slick smile as the two dispute the issue and the tension falls. Saved for another day.

I walk up to him nudging his arm. "Nice speech. I think it worked." He turns to me and gasps, but recovers quickly. "(Y/n). You're so big. No... Just-" "Pregnant, dad." He nods smiling. "So what happens when they find out the government abandoned them?" He sighs, shaking his head. I pat his back. "Come on paper man. You need some real food." I pull him into his office and remove the disguise. "Italian sub for you, and tuna for me." "You hate tuna." I smile sitting down. "They don't." I pat my swollen tummy. "So there are two of them?" I nod smiling.

"And you're happy? He treats you well?" I nod again smiling at him. "Of course he does. He's not a monster, dad." He grabs my hand over the desk and squeezes it. "I don't... like him. You know this. He destroyed the damn city for christ's sake, but he is the father of my grandchildren, and the husband of my only daughter, so I can promise you... I will never kill him." I kiss his hand and smile. "Who knew that'd be so comforting to hear."

~

I walk into the elevator with the smile ghosted over my lips. Crackling from the speaker erupts my mind causing me to shake and grab the wall in fright. "Aw, honey, I'm sorry." Ecco's voice pipes up from the speaker. I wave my hand in front of the camera with a smile. "No worries. All good here." I laugh placing a hand on my stomach. "Where is Jerimiah?" "Working down below. Would you like me to get him?" I smile up at the camera. "Let me go down."

"Uh... Miss, I think we should wait. He doesn't want you around the-" I press the button to the bottom floor faster than light. "Oops," I smirk up to Ecco as the elevator skips the main floor and descends below.

The two doors slide open revealing a steamed room with the funk of hard labor. I step on the uneven ground and see Jerimiah fanning himself as he watches his workers. I rest my hands on his shoulders and kiss his cheek. "You're working hard." He spins around with a glare. "And you're not supposed to be here." He grips my hips pulling me towards him.

"I missed you." I nuzzle into his chest. He hums as we rock back and forth. "I missed you, my love. Come on. No lady should be exposed to this heat." He places his hand on the small of my back leading me to the elevator.

Holding me the entire way up and then carrying me to our bed, never letting us go. "Are my darlings all suggled up?" He asks resting my head on his chest. The icy colored flesh proving wrong to the touch of fire on my fingers. "Yes, Jer." I mumble feeling my eyes draw to a close. "Never will I go a day without my family... even your father." He kisses my head before I can ask the question.

~

Jeremiah POV:

My workers work endlessly day and night to break the walls of the under the earth. Slowing down each day, getting on my nerves in the end. You're pushing my men way too hard. "We're not gonna break through for at least a couple more days. There is absolutely no way to make it on schedule." The leader of the pack of sweat cogs comes in.

My wife doesn't need to be kept in this filth any longer. How dare he disrespect my future.  "Well, not with that attitude, you're not." I slice the man's throat, as he falls to the ground, blood flowing on the dirt.

"Now... everyone... let's reach inside and dig... a little deeper, shall we? 'Cause that's the only way you're all making it out of this hole." I hum watching their fear thicken.

Two taps on my shoulder break my gaze from the project. "Oh, Echo. Are these all the recruits?" Skinny, no brains, slim Whitted. These are my soldiers?

"Well, I thought you would want quality over quantity. Not everybody can pass a .38 caliber test of faith." I smirk thinking of the trials and tests they've suffered.  "Yes... you certainly have set a very high bar for devotion."

"Oh. Almost forgot. Bruce Wayne and his sidekick Curls... Or is he the sidekick? Anyway, they tried to infiltrate our little operation here."

"Oh?" " Oh. And Curls can walk, really well, especially... for a paraplegic. Ah. And she wants to kill you." I glare at her with a snarl. This doesn't help that my wife is being cared for in the same building.

"A lot, FYI. If I see her, I'll give you a shout. Oh... and kill her." I nod rolling my eyes. Finish the job and move on for the better of my wife and children.

~

I walk into the GCPD questioning room with my scarf wrapped around my head, and my belly protruding out. Quite the look I must say. I open the door to see Victor Zsasz pushed on to the table by Harvey.

"Ow. This is a really nice table." I snicker and take my glasses off. "You do realize her thrives on the pain." The three pairs of eyes look at me.  "We got a dozen witnesses that saw you walk out of that building before it went kabooey."

"Yeah. I heard some gangs had taken over." Zsasz says turning his eyes to me.  "Figured, with you guys occupied, I might help myself to some of your supplies. Hey, do you guys have any canned peaches? Man, I'd trade an arm and a leg for that right now. Not mine, somebody else's. Maybe little baby Maniax's." He laughs reaching for my stomach before Jim swats his arm down.

"If you're innocent, why shoot up a city block full of cops?"

"Because it was full of cops." Zsasz and I say at the same time.

"Who were also trying to shoot me. And, guys, those were warning shots. I mean, if I really

wanted to kill you... you'd be dead. You got a pen? I want to write this guy a thank-you letter. Do the math. If I blew up a building full of people, I would have covered

every inch of my body in sweet, sweet scars. Mrs. Valeska...  want to do a strip search?" He winks before my father punches him. "She's married, pig."

I lock arms with my dad and walk through the station. "Got Lucius on the horn for you, Cap."

"Lucius, talk to me." I grab the phone holding it close enough for the both of us to hear. "Haven wasn't destroyed by a bomb. It was an RPG, like the one that took down the chopper."

"You sure?"

I'm holding what's left of it in my hand right now. We found pieces of it in the rubble. It was fired through the basement window, detonated the fuel oil tank. And we're still trying to figure out exactly which rooftop it was fired from.

"Rooftop?"

"Yes."

"Dad, the only angle you could hit this place from is above. Zsasz was on the ground. Looks like you need a new suspect. I think we need to-"

"Jim! Ah. I know the wheels of justice turn slowly, so I'm here to provide- a modicum of grease."

Rushing up towards the front, Oswald, the Mayor of fallen Gotham, stands tall and proud.

"You need to leave right now."

"Still claiming he's innocent, is he?"

"Yes. And as much as I hate to admit it, the evidence is backing him up."

Harvey busts out, "What the hell's going on?" "Harvey, according to Lucius, Zsasz couldn't have done it."

Oswald huffs with a smile. "I did not expect you to go soft, Jim. Actually, I did. Behind a grandpa and all must've changed your ways. Which is why I didn't come alone." Several gunmen come out armed and ready to fire. My father huddles me close and shields me from the view of guns.

"Bring me Victor Zsasz!"

"Leave, (Y/n). Go home!" Jim pushes me away towards the doors.

~

Jeremiah POV:

I wave my hat fanning my pale skin placed upon the crippling bones. It's so damp and hot in here, but I'm freezing. My heart has gone cold without her scent around. Not a touch, not a wiff, not a glace for days it seems. Where is my angel with my bundles of joy?

"You see, a river cuts through rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence. So what do we do when we feel like giving up? Dig a little deeper. And what do we do when we can't possibly go on any longer? Dig a little deeper. And what do we..." A sharp blade stabs into my side crippling my speech. I look down seeing the masked figure in the striped coat. I gasp feeling my footing slide as the attacker shoves the blade into my stomach further.

"Deep enough?" The individual removes the mask revealing the little pussy of them all. "Well, Selina, I must say..." She pulls the blade out plunging it back in sharply.

"Don't say anything." Over and over again the blade is shoved into my side. The light dimming, the hot steam hitting my brow, the devilish laughter of my brother. This is near my end? Maybe so...

"Selina!" The rat is stripped away from me causing me to fall to the ground barely clinging to the life of happiness I have.

"Selina!" Bruce Wayne holds the fierce kitty back. "Stop. It's done! It's over."

~

The building is quiet. The entire place is quiet... Not one swing of an ax hitting limestone, making a light clink sound. Not the ring of my husbands voice calling to his men. Not even Echo meeting me at the door with my slippers and milkshake. Something is not right.

"Jeremiah?" I call out as if he could hear me from below. If not him then someone. One of the members at least, but no one came. I proceeded to enter the elevator only to see blood on the buttons and floor. They were having the graduation today, not everyone makes it.

The doors  open to the pool room and I could almost drop to my knees at the smell. Thick scent of blood coating the walls. I walk out of the elevator and down into the pool counting the dead. No Echo or Jeremiah. Good so far.

I make my way down to the tunnels where silence has taken over. Just a simple lone man sitting in a chair. "Where is Jermiah?" I panic pulling my jacket closer. Could he have left me?

"Mrs. Valaska!" "Where is my husband?" "He's off in the tunnels. He's got injured. I'm supposed to take you to him." "Well, go on!" He shuffles his feet in a pace of nervousness, tripping over rocks and pickaxes. "How did he get hurt?" "Someone came in and just stabbed the boss. She was taken away by Bruce Wayne." I feel fire ignite in my blood. Selina and Bruce. What a treat. Trying to kill my husband in my own home.

Down the tunnels I hear him. Groaning in pain as Echo stitches him up. "How could you let this happen?" I shout at her. "She was fast." "And you're supposed to be faster." I glare at her as she cowers at my words.

"Don't stress, darling. It's not good for the babies."

"Jeremiah." I kneel down next to him grabbing his face. "Are you alright?" He places his hands over mine, kissing them each. "I'm still alive. One thing I've still got on my brother. How are you, my love? I'm sorry. You must've been wrecked with worry." Jeremiah pulls me into his lap. I nod with my bottom lip out. "Yes, I was. I was so scared, Jer." He pulls me to him. "Aw my darling. I know. I know."

I shift my weight slightly causing him to jet in a sharp inhale. "Oh, honey. Stitches still sore?" He nods. "Never would have happened if you wore that armor I prepared." Echo hums, causing me to roll my eyes. "That bullet makes you sentimental of the wrong things." I huff out pushing her out of the view.

"Why would you not check who was working? You always do. You're always prepared." Jeremiah places his hand on my cheek again. "I had to let Selina thrust the knife into my flesh at least once. Verisimilitude trumps precaution, you see." "They think you're dead." I think putting everything together.

Echo stands to the side bouncing with information. "What is it?" She giggles jumping on her heels. "All systems go." Jeremiah lifts himself, placing a hand on the small of my back and leading us along behind Echo.

"You could've died." I whisper looking at the dirt. "I didn't." "But you could have, Jeremiah. That's my point. You have two children growing, and soon they'll be out in this world. They need their father. You've kept me safely away, but that won't mean shit if you're not around to protect your children." I move ahead of him in a fit of fire.

A hand grabs my shoulder spinning me around. Jerehimah dips me and pushes our lips together. His grip on my arm and hip so tight, keeping me pulled to him with no fight. He pulls away only an inch, looking at my eyes, looking into the soul. "Now, you may not understand everything I do, but I do it for you and these two kids. I think and I plan for hours. You sit up in the bed resting your feet like I tell you. When you start questioning if I'm going to make it, that's when this will fall apart. You're my darling. You've been mine for thousands of years. Never doubt me, (Y/n)." He places his hands on my stomach and pecks my forehead. "Come along now. We have things to do."

Leading me through the tunnels I start to see less of the dirt and more solid grey rock already formed into tunnels. "Where are we?" Jeremiah giggles pulling me alongside.

"Doctor. I'm hearing good things." Jeremiah says holding in laughter.

What is he up to?

The Doctor nods. "The bandages are ready to come off. Your assistant thought you'd like to see the results." Echo shakes her head in praise like a dog while Jer nods his head. "Indeed, I would."

He turns to me. "You won't want to miss this, (y/n)."

The Doctor unravels the bandages on the individuals faces revealing a profile built from professional lifestyle and diets. This is Thomas and Martha Wayne before my eyes... ALIVE!

"Oh, you two look beautiful." I smile looking down at her pearl necklace. "Down to the very detail with you." Jeremiah kisses my cheek. "I love family reunions, don't you?" "More than Christmas!" I cheer and giggle.

[passionate-reply]

Here’s something I know you’ve heard before--Dare, by the Human League! One of the most famous and widely-acclaimed synth-pop albums there is, Dare was a huge game changer. Find out why by watching my video, or reading the transcript, after the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’m going to be talking about one of the single most important albums in the history of electronic music, and, perhaps, in Western popular music as a whole. It’s Dare, the third full LP from the Human League, first released in 1981. While there had been two albums released under this name prior to Dare, these are considerably more obscure.

Music: “Empire State Human”

While “Empire State Human” has a catchy and affable chorus, it’s still a few shades too weird and avant-garde to be a pop hit. In the early days, the Human League’s experimental, underground sound was driven mainly by founding members Martyn Ware and Ian Craig Marsh. Prior to the recording of Dare, Marsh and Ware had already left the group, and would go on to form Heaven 17. Frontman Phil Oakey, and newly hired backup singers Joanne Catherall and Susan Ann Sulley, were without a leg to stand on, as none of them had any serious background in music composition or playing instruments.

While the situation looked quite dire, the trio would find a new musical bedrock in Ian Burden, who had played keyboards on their most recent tour as a session musician. Against the crude, naive, unprofessional vocals of Oakey, Catherall, and Sulley, Burden would provide simple, but competent melodies. The other key ingredient of this new sound was professional production, which would come from Martin Rushent. Despite working with many guitar-oriented acts prior, Rushent was one of the first producers who had deliberately devoted himself to working with electronic instruments at the time. Put all of that together, and you’ve got synth-pop magic, like nobody else had hammered out before.

Music: “Don’t You Want Me”

If you came to this video with even a lick of knowledge about Western pop, then you probably know “Don’t You Want Me” quite well. “Don’t You Want Me” wasn’t the first electronic pop song, nor was it the first major hit to feature a chiefly electronic instrumentation. The real reason it was such a game changer is that it’s ultimately a very ordinary pop song, underneath all of that. Songs like Gary Numan’s “Cars,” or OMD’s “Enola Gay,” were comparatively easy to write off as mere high-concept novelty. Many felt that their vision of a future full of machine music would blow over, the way jetpacks and flying cars had failed to revolutionize the world. But “Don’t You Want Me” proved that you could write an otherwise unremarkable love song, set it to a fairly unambitious synth backing, and achieve major pop success. “Don’t You Want Me” is that watershed moment, where synthesisers start presenting a credible threat to guitars, and everything that they stand for. Moreso than anything else that was released in this era, “Don’t You Want Me” is the reason why “pop” is, at this point, assumed to be electronic by default.

While the sheer influence of this track can’t be overstated, it’s also far from the only thing Dare, as an album, has to offer. In fact, “Don’t You Want Me” is the very last track on it, and its apparent simplicity is heavily contextualized by everything that comes before it. Take “Love Action,” for instance, which was the first single from the album, and one of the band’s best-known tracks.

Music: “Love Action”

“Love Action” is certainly not devoid of pop sensibility, and its being a chart hit makes plenty of sense. But I think it’s decidedly stranger and less conventional than “Don’t You Want Me,” with its piercing intro and glitchy synth effects. While its lyrics aren’t challenging, in an obtrusive manner, they seem to read as a sort of parody of a pop song, declaiming the superiority of limerence or casual affairs--“no talking, just looking.” It’s a pop anthem that’s aware of its own disposability, and the sort of culture of disposability and frivolousness that it’s participating in. Another strikingly ironic number is the album’s opener, “The Things That Dreams Are Made Of.”

Music: “The Things That Dreams Are Made Of”

With its confident proclamations about what “everybody needs,” and unquestioning praise of petty luxuries like ice cream and vacations, the saccharine “The Things That Dreams Are Made Of” is even more pointedly satirical, a wan hymn to the pleasures of postwar prosperity. But even if this track maintains a surface level “believability,” there are still a number of darker tracks to be had on Dare, which more strongly recall the style of those earlier albums. Take a listen to “Do or Die.”

Music: “Do or Die”

One of the more confrontational or frustrated tracks on Dare, “Do or Die” still maintains something of a pop core, and it’s easy enough to sing along to. What I think really stands out about it, though, especially for the time, is the use of mechanical percussion. Prior to this point, acts like Gary Numan, OMD, and even Kraftwerk still had human drummers who physically hit things in their bands. Even Giorgio Moroder’s “I Feel Love” used traditional percussion, despite featuring nothing but Moog synthesisers and the human voice besides. It wasn’t only the guitar that feared for its relevance during this time, but also the drum kit. The dense, rattling backing of “Do or Die” was made with a Linn “drum computer,” and remains an impressive use of it that’s still mesmerizing to listen to. But perhaps the most avant-garde track to be found on *Dare* is “Seconds.”

Music: “Seconds”

While “Seconds” feels sort of warm and dreamy at first, its startling gunshot casts doubt on just how pleasant we ought to feel. “Seconds” is actually telling the story of the assassination of John F. Kennedy, addressing us listeners as though we embody the infamous gunman, Lee Harvey Oswald. The titular “seconds” apply to the brief moments of apparent happiness and security we feel before something goes wrong, and those narrow margins of time during which everything in our lives can change in an instant. While it’s significantly shorter, I can’t help but think it recalls the high-concept narrative tracks done by the earlier incarnation of the Human League, such as “Zero As a Limit.”

Dare’s iconic cover, a powerful symbol of 80s synth-pop to this day, was inspired by fashion magazines such as *Vogue.* While the design would crib the title, the typeface, and the face-focused composition from a 1979 cover of UK *Vogue,* the stark, bare white frame that surrounds this close-cropped headshot of Oakey is a major distinction. Floating in this sterile bath of emptiness, and borderline anonymized, it feels like the interchangeable mask of someone living out a mechanized and mass-produced existence. It’s an image that almost plays into how detractors of electronic music have decried its seemingly emotionless, inhuman ambiance, and it rides that enmity with a deliberate, defiant dignity. It says, we are what you think we are, and we’re damn proud of it. Much like the bold and brash title implies, the cover of *Dare* is a provocation, perhaps even a threat. While the cover isn’t particularly beautiful to me, as many others are, I think its austere ugliness is deeply purposeful, and that’s something I’m compelled to admire.

Despite the breakthrough success of Dare, the Human League’s 1984 follow-up, Hysteria, was a relative flop, plagued by troubled recording sessions and a lack of consistent vision for the band and their sound. Its lead single, “The Lebanon,” would achieve modest success, and its use of rock guitar and surprisingly topical lyrics make it feel very different than what you’ll find on Dare.

Music: “The Lebanon”

Though they would eventually go on to have one last major hit, in 1986’s “Human,” the Human League never developed mainstream staying power, and their core trio’s reliance on outside writers and producers left them without a firm artistic identity to fall back on. They’re still around today, performing concerts that revisit their best-known work from the past, but they never recreated the fruitful environment and industry connections that made Dare possible. Still, it’s safe to say that Dare is an inescapable presence in the history of electronic pop, looming over all subsequent works like some inscrutable Sphinx, a lightning in a bottle success whose influence remains all around us.

My favourite song on Dare is “Darkness.” As the title implies, it’s one of the more dreary, gothic numbers you’ll encounter on the album, narrating the harrowing, paranoid mindstate of an insomniac. I don’t particularly struggle with sleep, but I do have a habit of being awake all night and sleeping all day, so I love nighttime-themed songs. Plus, the lyrics of this song make reference to “seeing sounds” and “hearing colours,” a phenomenon called synesthesia. I’m not sure if anyone in the Human League really experiences this, but I do--which is part of why I’m so strongly interested in music. But enough about me! That’s all for today, thanks for listening!

Music: “Darkness”

[doctorsgirl262]

Ranking the Doctor’s Companions (9-11)

While working on a fanfic I’ve been writing, I got the urge to rank the companions (we love procrastination). So, anyway, here we go. *Spoiler Warning for seasons 1-7 of New Who, purely because I don’t really remember a lot of Twelve’s episodes* **light cursing warning**

EDIT: I fixed a few spelling errors/name mistakes

8. Clara Oswald - A part of my dislike to her may just be Moffat’s writing, but I just never really liked Clara with Eleven. She grew on me a bit with Twelve, but I never really vibed with her. When I first watched the show, I cried when all the Doctor’s regenerated and when the companions left, but I honestly just never felt any connection to Clara. I think she was interesting in the Asylum of the Daleks and The Snowmen, but I feel like she just kinda fell short. I didn’t really enjoy any of the episodes she was in, but I think that a lot of that is one Moffat. I wasn’t a huge fan of her being intertwined in the Doctor’s history in the Name of the Doctor. If I’m being honest, she’s the only companion that I dislike.

7. Amy Pond - Amy is the low on the list because I wasn’t a fan of her character in season five. But, if I’m being honest here, from here on, this is just me showing who I like the most, not who I like the least. I’m not really a fan of how her character is made to be one of the most important people in the universe. I really liked her in the later seasons, even though I really wasn’t a fan of the episodes (but that’s a story for another day), but her relationship with Rory really changed her and I really began to respect her. I think season five was my favorite of Eleven, and the episodes were really good, but Amy’s immaturity really got to me for some reason. 

6. River Song - River is a badass and I love that about her. And she’s got her flaws and she’s done terrible things, and she understands that. But she cares so much for Amy, Rory, and the Doctor, and the fact that she’d do anything for them is beautiful. I wish we got to see more of River, but at the same time, I feel like the scarcity was also a good move. Her introduction in season 4 absolutely killed me. I think it kinda refreshing, but there’s also something so alarming seeing someone else be dangerous like the Doctor. Overall, I really enjoy her story line and character. 

5. Rose Tyler - This is something I’ve been mulling over for years. When I first started watching the show back in 2015, I adored Rose. But, as I started reading fanfiction, I began seeing a lot of Rose bashing. So, for 5 years, I have gone back and forth between hating and loving Rose. A big thing about Rose is how different she is between seasons 1 and 2. I love season 1, it’s actually one of my favorite seasons I’ve watched so far. Rose is so young, selfless, and the curiosity she has throughout the season is so nice to watch. However, I feel like she has a change in personality, and at least to me, she acts more selfish and as though she knows everything there is to know about aliens when she obviously doesn’t. Now, going back to this statement: “ I’m not really a fan of how her character is made to be one of the most important people in the universe”. It does really bother me that Rose is such an important factor in Martha and Donna’s seasons. I don’t think it’s fair how much the Doctor idolizes her, but that’s not entirely her fault. And while she is Bad Wolf, I don’t think it has the same power as Amy’s Time had. I think the Bad Wolf storyline was interesting though, with how it followed. Overall, I can say that I enjoy Rose, her flaws and all.

4. Mickey Smith - The Man in Havana is someone I’ve always enjoyed watching. Although the Doctor calls him Mickey the Idiot, he’s anything but. I mean, he literally hacked into the government from his house. I feel like he’s fairly rational for having been abducted my an alien by pulling him into a trashcan. I love his transformation throughout the series, and I love that he ended up with Martha. I always felt bad for Mickey, how he was always the second choice, and it was so nice getting to see him be the first pick. Rose and the Doctor took him for granted, and he proved that he was important and resourceful, and I’m so proud of him

3. Rory Williams - I think he complimented Amy so well. He’s honestly just the perfect guy if I’m being honest, I would love to have my own Rory Williams. I like how much he tried. He showed Amy how much he cared and loved her, he showed her what he’d do for her, but I feel like that gets overlooked by the Doctor, which just isn’t fair. When the Doctor left them behind for 2 years, Rory actually researched him and the TARDIS, he waited 2000+ years for Amy and guarded her. He’s a lot like Mickey here, as he was seen as the second option for a while, but having Amy choose him and truly love him was so nice to see. Rory is smart, caring, and a little quirky, but I think that’s so refreshing. 

2. Donna Noble - Her departure was, in my opinion, one of the saddest in the whole show. We got to witness her growth from The Runaway Bride to Journey’s End, and it was such a nice growth. I loved how caring she was, and she had such a large heart. The fact that she grew and became her best self, and then lost it all and had to forget some of the bests parts of her life. I am really glad though that she ended up married and having a baby. But I think she was just such a fun character, and that she knew how to be serious but also so funny.

1. Martha Jones - Now this is probably super controversial, but Martha has been my favorite companion since the beginning. Martha is such a badass, and she had so much respect for herself. She recognized that she was done traveling and got out of there. She used the knowledge she gained from the Doctor and used it to help people by working for UNIT. The third season is one of my favorites, and all the episodes were so good. Martha was such an amazing person before she met the Doctor, and all he did was amplify her greatness. I hated that she lived in Rose’s shadow, but I love that she didn’t stand for the Doctor’s (or anyone else’s for that matter) bullshit. She’s just so amazing *chef kiss*

[timetraveller29]

At Last

A Doctor Who fanfiction for #WhouffleWeek2020

Day 4 - Coat, outerwear / Food

Featuring the Thirteenth Doctor and Clara

The Doctor was working on a problem that had plagued her for not just days but weeks now. She danced around the console, from tweaking measurements one side to dials on the other, glanced at the displays, grimaced, then changed something yet again. It was proving difficult at the very least. She stopped and exhaled.

Maybe she should stop bothering about it.

But she couldn't help it.

It was so hard to be alone! And she adored her new TARDIS team, sure, but they didn’t know her. They didn't understand the darkness of her past, and if they knew, they'd probably leave her... just like so many companions had left her. And then there were others she had left behind...

The Doctor missed all of her friends with a burning constancy. Bill Potts, Missy, even Nardole! And she knew it was foolish to hope to find any of them, but there was a slight possibility that there was one person she could meet.

On second thought? Maybe it did make sense to give up.

She turned around slowly, boredly, expecting to see that same result she’d grown used to... null. Nothing. Zero. A blank space, and then she’d have to start all over again with a new plan...

Wait!

A wild, crazy grin grew on her entire face, a grin that popped at the eyes and wrinkled her nose.

“Yes,” she whispered. Then, louder and louder: “Yes, yesss, YESSS!”

And she prepared the TARDIS, pressing a number of buttons, turning dials, entering coordinates, until she finally gripped the lever in her hand. At last, long last! She felt the power course through her veins as she held off for a mere second, relishing what she was about to do. And down went the lever with a satisfying, resounding thrum from the engines...

She was off.

“So! Where to, next?” Ashildr said, in a distant and second-hand set of dimensions.

The room was white and blaring. They hadn’t been able to change the desktop theme yet. The manual hadn’t been particularly helpful, and it made Clara understand why most of the time the Doctor preferred to steer through trial and error...

“I don’t know,” she said to her, standing up and staring at the vision screens. One of them showed a rolling peach coloured ocean at a pearly white coast, one of the most gorgeous planets they’d visited in their travels. They didn’t get into nearly as much trouble as the Doctor would, though. That was heartening, what with her delicate... health... She placed a hand on her wrist, subconsciously looking for a pulse again. It had become a bad habit. She noticed, and scratched her ear instead. “Maybe we’ll just... Stay here for a while... We could just have a stroll, look at the view, and have a swim in the eveneing! Who knows what we'll find? And we could always leave the next adventure till tomorrow.”

Ashildr was unconcerned. “Sure, whatever you want.” She sat down on a chair and propped her feet on a footrest, both silver as the floor designs, with a journal on her lap.

Clara rolled her eyes. Her companion could be really unenthusiastic sometimes. Well, what she thought of as her companion.

“Right,” she said, “I’ll be out in reception if you need me... I’m gonna finish up some of that banana icecream from the pantry...”

“You know that eating is probably not recommended in your case, right?”

“It helps me think, okay? And so what if I don’t have a metabolism anymore, I still have senses!”

“Okay,” she said, holding up her hands in a concilliatory fashion, knowing it was a touchy subject. “Okay, go ahead.” And she went back to writing.

Clara glanced at the screen again. “What -?” She flipped her head around at Ashildr, then back again. “Do you –”

“I see it.”

“Should I -?”

“Go! Find out.”

She put her journal aside and stood to observe the second screen, the one that had changed. Her companion dashed inside to change into her waitress uniform. Well, what she thought of as her companion.

Meanwhile, the figure on the screen moved to the counter and sat down.

“Hey!” Clara said to her with a smile, entering the main hall of the diner at last.

It was like water bursting out of the ground in a barren desert. The Doctor looked at her, and everything came alive, fervently and insistently: the Ice Warrior in the submarine, the mummy on the Orient Express, the portrait of her in Time Lord Hell where it hung for billions of years, and the dazzling euphoria of bringing her back on Gallifrey... It filled her heart, and there was only one thing to be said...

“Doctor,” Clara said nodding at her confidently, interrupting her train of thought.

She raised her eyebrows, impressed.

“You recognised me! Clara Oswald, ever full of surprises.”

Clara grinned. “As are you!” she countered. “Where did you find your memories? Guess that Neural Block didn’t work on you for too long, eh?”

“Nah,” she said, broadening her shoulders. “It’ll take more than that to get you out of my head, Clara Oswald! Although I did have a lot of help... Tell me," she said, remembering her point, "how are you? I'm so sorry I couldn't help you more last time, that I –"

"Don't! Don't apologise," Clara shook her head, her ponytail bouncing with it. She looked serious. "You were so amazing, Doctor. This? Me being here, talking? That's all you! So don't ruin the effect by being humble. It doesn't suit you."

The Doctor closed her mouth. Oh, yeah. That's who she had been, after all: proud and entitled. And Clara was the same. Neither her past self nor Clara had ever dealt well with raw emotion. Good reminder; something she would have to work on this time around.

"No matter," she said. "So, go on," she added, raising her tempo to something more cheerful, "Clara, the Time Traveller! Have you travelled much? I see you've picked a scenic spot to park yourself. The vagabond life treatin’ you well?”

“I’ve had some okay adventures,” she shrugged. “Nothing too crazy, thanks to your esteemed absence.”

“Hah! Well, I’m glad you’re taking care...”

“And nice look, by the way!”

“Thank you! I was wondering if it suited me... Brand new face and all!”

“I love your new coat! Very Doctor-y.”

“Oh yeah? I thought you might approveñ”

“It’s gorgeous... On the other hand, the colours? Yellow suspenders? I can see there that you’ve started to call back the... ahem!... fez-like... fashion choices...” Clara read the growing offense on the Doctor's face and popped herself underneath the counter to hide –

“What's wrong with yellow? Plus! Fezzes! Are cool!”

She jumped out of her seat and began to lean across to get a glimpse of Clara and where she was hiding.

“No they’re not!” she teased. “Fezzes have never been cool, and neither are bowties! Come on, it's a new face isn't it, grow some new taste!”

“How dare you! You know I never criticised you for the way you –”

“Oh? Oh yeah?” She popped up from the opposite end of the long table, holding some plastic jars in her arms. “She’s got a face so wide she needs three mirrors!” she said trying to do a deep, gruff voice. The Doctor scrambled over the counter and raced to catch her, but Clara slipped open a door and locked her on the staff-only side. “Oh! Stay there,” she giggled, “stay there, or I’ll call in security!”

“Clara, let me out! – and I only said that because it’s true! What did you need three mirrors for?!”

“It helps to make sure my makeup is even! You know, the face colouring you never understood!”

“Well, I do now!” she lunged her arms forward to get at the latch and escape from her trap behind the counter but Clara slapped her away and raised up her hand, balancing jars dangerously with the other.

“Peace,” she called. “Peace offering! Doctor! Look, I’ve got banana icecream!”

The Doctor dropped her arms at that and rolled her eyes at Clara, who was comically supporting the jars between one arm and knee. Then she chuckled and gave her a warm smile, one that reminded Clara of the way the Doctor would look at her in a earlier, simpler times... “All right,” she said, leaning her elbows on the counter and raising her eyebrows. “Okay, we'll let it rest. Just for the banana icecream... Bananas are good.”

“That,” Clara said, settling herself on a stool and setting the ice cream between them, “That, we can agree on...”

The Doctor reached into a drawer to produce some spoons, her heart swelling. It was a strange thing, but it was so refreshing to be around Clara again, to be surprised, to be challenged, even criticised... to be known.

When the universe turns you upside down, there's nothing that can bring you back on your head like an old friend.

... All the while, Ashildr watched them and gave a heavy sigh.

She disabled the audio and stepped away.

It wouldn’t last, she knew. Even with her memories back, the Doctor would have to leave Clara once and for all. The girl was on the final thread of her life, maybe streached out a bit longer, but final nonetheless. There would have to be a goodbye, a difficult one, and simple comfort food wasn’t going to help either of them with that...

Still. At least it happened.

She turned a page of her journal, thinking.

Perhaps, in some cases, it’s better to focus on the good times you’ve had with someone, even the fleeting ones, instead of the pain they leave behind. Perhaps temporary happiness does beat permanent indifference.

Well... for mortals, at any rate.

She glanced up from her chair from time to time as they conversed, gesturing animatedly at each other, as the day wore on. Clara seemed to have forgotten about her plan to go swimming. She was so happy just talking to the Doctor, did she dare interrupt?

No. She smiled. This was what Clara had been waiting for. She'd let her have one day to herself, one day pretending to be alive and with the Doctor, at last.

[thedreammweaver]

“Excuse me, um, I love you” (Gotham (TV) Ed x Returns Oswald, mild Ed x Max Shreck too cause 🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽)

(A/N: stream R.E.M. by Ariana Grande, it’s all I listened to while writing this and it’s honestly a vibe.)

Warnings: Mild blood tw, talk about job/financial insecurity

Ed startled at the commotion, he’d only been half listening to the conversation going on to his right between Josh and the Penguin.

“Not a lot of reflective surfaces down in the sewer, huh?”

There was a long pause of over exaggerated laughter.

“Still, could be worse, my nose could be gushing blood.”

And then...

Ed hadn’t seen what happened but by the blood coming from Josh’s nose as Jen led him over to a desk and the same blood dripping from the penguin’s mouth it didn’t take him long to deduce. Ed bit back a smile despite himself, Josh had been an asshole to him many times, it was good to see him face some consequences finally. “Alright, everybody, back to work!” Max instructed as everyone the room awkwardly dispersed. “Let’s. Make. A mayor!” He finished before going over to the water cooler with the penguin. Ed couldn’t help but stare at the shorter man, he wished he could say it was just for his grotesque appearance but there was something else entirely that drew Ed in.

     Ed looked up from his work when he noticed the figure standing in front of his desk. It was Max. “Yes, sir?” Ed asked, nervously flipping his pencil in his fingers under his boss’ gaze. “Eddie, could you be a dear and take some tea or something up to Mr. Cobblepot? Make him feel welcome, you know. Thanks.” He didn’t wait for Ed to respond before he walked away. Ed chewed his lip and watched his boss for a moment before getting to his assigned task.

     Ed was nervous as he ascended the stairs with a tray of tea and snacks. He tried to stop his hands from shaking as it was making the teapot he was carrying rattle. As he entered the loft above the rented campaign building through the support beams Ed could see the penguin at his desk quill in hand writing away. Ed forced himself towards the desk “Mr. Shreck, asked me to bring you this.” He said trying desperately not to fumble his words, as he set the tray down on an empty spot. Before he could withdraw his hands penguin grabbed one of them, Ed froze completely. Penguin put down his quill and used the flipper that wasn’t gripping Ed’s hand to caress it. “You have such gorgeous hands.” He practically purred. Ed’s face went bright red “.....T-T-Thank you, sir.” Penguin released Ed’s hand from his grip and resumed his writing as if nothing happened. Ed tried to keep his cool as he awkwardly headed towards the stairs but he was interrupted by the penguin’s gruff voice

“What’s your name?”

Ed tensed up “Oh, I- I’m just an intern, sir-“

“I asked for your name not your employment status.”

Ed’s face went red again and he idly adjusted his glasses “It’s Edward..Nygma.”

“Edward with the pretty hands...got it.” Penguin chuckled. There was a pause between the two men “You can go now.” Penguin clarified. Ed nodded awkwardly and left the room.

       Ed tossed and turned in his bed. He couldn’t stop thinking about his earlier encounter with the penguin, he should’ve been grossed out but the man’s flippers were surprisingly warm, calloused but soft at the same time. He replayed the feeling of them around his hand over and over in his mind despite himself. Ed began dozing off to the thought of how warm the rest of the penguin must be, how soft and secure it must be in his arms and how badly he wanted to be cradled in the short man’s chest...Ed’s eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed. It’d been hard enough coming to terms with the crush he had on his boss but this?? Daydreaming about being held by a mysterious bird man? Afraid of what he might dream about if he did sleep, Ed pushed off his weighted blanket and got out of bed, determined to distract himself from any and all thoughts of the penguin.

     He regretted not sleeping the moment Max told him he’d be at the campaign building doing overtime that night though he didn’t say what for. For now Ed was stuck listening to Max and Bruce Wayne drone on about power surpluses and other things. Though he was tired Ed was elated to be filling in for Selina Kyle as Max’s executive assistant, something in him always hoped something would happen to her so he could take over and be around Max all the time. He coveted Miss Kyle’s position but luckily she hadn’t been to work for a few days. Ed leaned against the wall trying not to doze as he half listened to the conversation going on in front of him.

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna fight you on this, Max. See, I’ve already spoken to the mayor and we see eye-to-eye so-“

“Mayors come and go. Blue bloods tire easy. You think you could go fifteen rounds with Mohammed Shreck?”

“Well, I guess we’re gonna find out. Of course, I don’t have a crime boss like Cobblepot in my corner so it might-“

Ed perked up at the mention of Oswald, So did Max.

“Crime boss?!?” He stood up and began circling the large meeting table over to Bruce “Shows what you know, Mister.”

Bruce stood up as well as Max continued his rant. “Oswald is Gotham’s new golden boy. If his parents hadn’t 86’d him you two might have been bunkies at prep school.”

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Oswald controls the red triangle gang. I can’t prove it but we both know-“

“Wayne, I will not stand for mudslinging in this office.” The door opened behind him revealing Selina, he was too caught up in his rant to notice. “If my usual assistant was here she would have already escorted you out to-“

“Anywhere he wants,” Selina interrupted strutting in. Ed glared at her before exiting, sensing he was no longer needed.

     Ed was still fuming when he caught up with Selina in the hallway later “Where have you been??”

“None of your business.” She mumbled, walking away from him, Ed followed.

“Actually it is, as an employee of Mr. Shreck I find it concerning when a fellow employee drops off the face of the earth and suddenly swoops back in like she owns the place-“

Selina stopped. “Look, Ed, no need to exact your jealous rage on me I’m...quitting soon, then you’ll have Maxie all to yourself.”

“I don’t appreciate what you’re implying, Miss Kyle.”

Selina scoffed “You imply it enough yourself.” Ed took a moment to actually look at her, she was much more disheveled than how he usually saw her. “What happened, why are you all..different?” Selina sighed “Now that’s really none of your business, riddle boy.”

     Ed gripped the banister of the spiral staircase that lead up to the loft where the penguin resided. Max had told him that Penguin wanted to see him for something, that was the only information he’d been given. Now he stood there, too nervous to ascend, nervous because he wanted to see Oswald, desperately. Ed steeled himself and forced himself up the stairs.

Penguin was writing again though he was in much better clothes than the dirty union suit Ed had seen him in previously and a second chair had been moved by the side of his desk. Ed stepped only a few feet away from the stairs “Mr. Shreck said y-you wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes..and call me Oswald, I insist. All I want from you is your company, it gets terribly quiet up here.” Ed was a bit taken aback, most people told him to shut up but here was Oswald wanting him to speak. Oswald gestured the empty chair “Come over here, would ya, I don’t bite.”

A nervous huff of laughter escaped Ed “Josh’s nose would disagree.” Oswald sighed “Ah, yes. Poor choice of words. I promise not to bite you then.” There was a soft tone to Oswald’s voice that made Ed want to leap into his arms and stay there. Ed awkwardly shuffled over to the chair and sat down. There were a few moments where the only sound was of Oswald’s quill against the paper as Ed struggled for something to say. “Did...uh-did you know that male emperor penguins keep their eggs warm by balancing them on their feet?” Ed kicked himself after the fact fell out of his mouth, Oswald was raised by penguins of course he knew that. “Yes, I did.” There was a note in Oswald’s voice that indicated he was impressed which made Ed struggle not to beam. “Some of them can swim at over ten miles per hour, and dive down over eight-hundred feet with that beautiful plumage that camouflages them from above and below the...water.” Oswald stopped himself, a slight blush spreading across his face “Forgive me, they’re truly amazing creatures..” There was a hint of vulnerability in his voice which made Ed jump to reassure the man. “It’s okay! Usually I’m the one rambling.” He chuckled, oddly feeling at ease with Oswald. “There was another thing about penguins I heard-“ Ed was cut off by a shiver that ran up his spine, he wrapped his arms around himself. “Jeez, it’s...cold in here.”

“Hold on.” Oswald put down his quill and got up, at first Ed assumed he was going to go turn the AC down but instead he waddled over to wrap Ed in a hug. Ed froze once again as Oswald once again invaded his personal space. Oswald felt even better than Ed had pictured, sublimely soft and warm. This must be what being in the womb felt like, Ed thought, so secure and cozy. It had only been a few seconds but Ed felt like screaming when Oswald pulled away and returned to his seat, he’d wanted the hug to last forever.

 “That better?”

 Ed adjusted his glasses and hoped he wasn’t blushing as much as he thought he was “Y-Yes, thank you.”

“So you were saying?” Oswald asked as he resumed writing. Ed was distracted by the bat signal going up outside the window before he could compose himself enough to answer. He accidentally let a disgruntled huff at the light let slip. “What is it?” Oswald asked not looking up. “Oh- just...Batman being called for something I guess..while Gordon sits on his ass doing nothing.” Ed mumbled.

“You sound upset.” Curiosity was apparent in Oswald’s voice. Ed shrunk into himself a bit “..I...I’m not supposed to talk about it. It’s not very ‘proud Gotham citizen’ of me.”

“Oh, please, do tell. You’ve piqued my interest.” Ed couldn’t help but oblige as it sounded like Oswald would actually listen. He got up and went over to the window. “I work at the GCPD when I’m not doing stuff for Max, or at least I think I work there.”

“Oh?”

“They let Batman handle most of the cases now, all the aspects of them...even the forensics.. They barely call me in anymore. Thankfully Mr. Shreck started paying me when I got laid off but...uh, all I see when I look at that symbol in the sky is another month of back rent..” Ed finished grimly. “If something happened to Miss Kyle then of course Max would probably make me executive assistant,” Ed sighed a bit too wistfully “and I could quit the GCPD but that’s not happening I suppose, not for a while anyways.”

“Even on the off chance I don’t become mayor, I’d hire you, you wouldn’t have to worry about any of that shit anymore.”

Ed spun back around to the desk “Really??...Why?”

“I can tell you’re smart, you’re nice to talk to, you’d be a delight to just have around.” Ed blushed at being called a delight, he went back to his chair to sit. “Thank you, sir, that would be-......wait, I have to ask..are you a..crime boss?” Oswald scoffed “Now where did you hear that from?”

“Bruce Wayne.”

Oswald rolled his eyes “Of course...what if I was?” It didn’t take Ed long to answer, he felt strangely like he could be candid with the shorter man. “If you were...I might be more inclined to accept a job offering, I’m starting to think the criminals in this city have the right idea...”

“Good to know..” Oswald said smugly. Max had been Ed’s end goal for so long but now he was already thinking of him as just a stepping stone to the real prize. Ed held back a devilish grin as he shivered, this time on purpose. Oswald looked up “Cold again? What am I going to do with you?” he chuckled. ‘Anything you want, Mr. Cobblepot,’ Ed thought ‘Anything you want.’

[connerluthorkent]

I was tagged by @esperata and @gottaread2. Thanks so much y’all! 

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. Only Fools Rush In

Suffice to say, my screwball comedy magnum opus, lol. This is my longest published fic by far, and it honestly is just an exercise in me indulging myself in fic with all the rom-com tropes I love: slow burn, agonized mutual pining, bed sharing, hiding together in small spaces, brief fake dating, two near-miss kisses thus far, etc., etc. It’s been such a joy both to write and talk to people in the fandom about. <3

2. Love Like A Diamond on an Endless Chain

I’m a sucker for first time fics, both reading and writing them. This fic deviates from that pattern and serves as one of the first times I’ve written an established relationship fic. I’m really proud of the way it turned out, with the combination of sweetness and angst and figuring out how to make a relationship work striking a good balance, I feel. It also made me realize I want to write more established relationship fic for Oswald and Ed (honestly, these boys deserve it), so it’s opened up new creative possibilities, as well. 

3. Everything is Different the Second Time Around

This fic has become one of my favorites/proudest with time and reflection because, fun fact, I wasn’t sure this fic was even particularly good when I first published it. It ended up being one of the longest things I had written at the time and was really just a meditation on some things I wanted closure from in Gotham and Ed and Oswald’s relationship, and with some time and space apart from it, I really think it does a nice job of exploring some of their unresolved issues left dangling by the show, with hurt/comfort hospital bedside vigils as an added bonus. I also love the exploration of potential almost friendship between Lee and Ed here, which writing fics like this have made me more and more fond of as a dynamic. 

4. The Rules of Engagement

I’m a huge fan of Ed antics, and this is primo Ed antic action. It was also fun to (spoilers) explore the tension and possibility of betrayal that looms in Gotham, but ultimately subvert that in something that is typical Ed (multiple times in the show, he pretends to betray someone in order to actually prove loyalty, and so having him do that here felt like a signature character move). I’m also a sucker in Nygmobblepot for setting up Oswald’s worst expectations just to have Ed come through and subvert them, it’s always just such a fun, at times touching moment. And here, that small moment also exposes some of Oswald’s vulnerabilities and the complicated uncertainties present in their relationship all alongside promises to keep proving themselves to each other in the future.

5. Sights on Someone Else

See the above about Ed subverting Oswald’s worst expectations. I’m a sucker for some jealousy in fic, but the most enjoyable part about writing this was having Oswald’s tentative jealousy be so utterly and completely unfounded. (And having someone flirt with Ed when he only has eyes for Oswald is honestly just too much fun.)

I’m tagging @orcaputt, @yanderebeat, @bri-notthecheese, @geniusbee, @thesoullessfuck, @arcanemoody, @irisbleufic, @space-cadet-jean, @nervousobservationland, @thefinaloffer, @ink-and-charcoal, and anyone else who would like to do this! Take some time to love on yourself and your work. <3

[malereader-inserts]

Got My Mind Set on You

Fandom: Gotham Pairing: Jerome Valeska x Male!Reader Summary: Jerome is mad, well both psychotic and mad for you. Word Count: 2,062 Request: ooOoooOoo Gotham hell yeah!! Could I request some Jerome x reader? I'm down for absolutely anything, but I was thinking maybe the reader is a beat cop that is known to have bad luck when it comes to running into famous criminals, but lately it's mostly been Jerome and maybe the ginger sparks some insanity into the reader's life? Love your writing by the way~!!!” A/n: idk if i’m dumb but what idk is a beat cop so I changed it to a detective

GCPD finest.

Well, as best as they could manage.

You were proud to be one of the youngsters within the band of dysfunctional, coffee addicts the city fondly called GCPD. You were a detective and at such a young age, you were questioned and challenged about your position. You proved yourself worthy of being a detective, being Alvarez’s partner was a bonus.

Alvarez, though disliked having you as a partner at first, enjoyed your commentary, your thoughts and overall impressed with your professionalism. He took you on board, under his wing and whenever he found you struggling on a case together he helped you and guided you.

You and Alvarez were Jim Gordon and Harvey Bullock’s trusted detectives. Whenever the two needed extra hands on a case, the two of you would be there at the ready. 

Which also means that due to your age, being in your mid-twenties, means that you were charming and very charismatic. Which is why, when they come to a dead end they often push you to speak to the criminals. Whilst you play an innocent naive detective who has no idea what they’re doing, you often get them to speak.

Thus, getting you a reputation within the fine city. Not only you’ve dealt with basic criminals you’ve come face to face with some notorious villains. 

At first, it was Fish Mooney, though she was much kinder to you. She found you adorable and always made her men keep an eye on you. However, you have to visit her at least once a month, keep her tame. It’s how you caught the eye of her umbrella boy, Oswald Cobblepot. 

Oswald was on and off with you, much like his relationship with Jim. Jim had warned you not to be mixed in with Oswald’s plans but he just kept popping up. Smiling and inviting you around, he would always try to bait you as friends, no matter how much you didn’t want to associate yourself with him, he finds himself threatening you if you were to betray him.

“If I were to betray you, Oswald, I would have to be on your side in the first place.”

“We’re friends, (Y/n),” Oswald drawls out, “And friends have each other’s backs.”

You went back to the station, asking Harvey for a glass of his secret stash of alcohol, leaning against his desk and you knock back the burning substance. You rubbed your forehead as Jim and you lock eyes, he nodded ever so slightly understanding your predicament.

Whilst you had to run in with many of Oswald’s men, who harassed you into when you were next visiting Oswald at his mansion. You made run-ins with a psychopath you hadn’t even realised.

Sweet Ed Nygma who would come to your desk with a smile on his face, sits down in the free seat that rested next to the corner of your table. As you write your notes, you had Ed blabber on, with few comments here and there. Ed was satisfied. Until you find out he was sent to Arkham, got out of Arkham afterwards in the hopes of helping Oswald.

So, when you run into Oswald, you ran into Ed, which made you feel cold. Ed had changed, the way he talked, the way he stared down at you, the way he had confidence. 

“I need you to help me become mayor, (Y/n), just like we said we’re friends.”

“Friends don’t hit each other with an umbrella, Oswald,” You dryly commented as Oswald blinks rapidly, his mouth open trying to string up some excuse.

“We’re friends, though,” Ed mentions behind Oswald, who turned around at his sudden voice before turning to look at you with a smug smile.

“Were, we were friends Ed,” You corrected, standing up straight, ignoring the darken of his eyes, “until you decided to murder some-”

Your phone started to ring, digging out of your pockets you sighed looking at the caller ID. Oswald looks at your hands, his eyes flickering back up to you, a growing smile on his face.

“I mean Butch here would happily do whatever I say, perhaps Zsasz would-”

“I’ll see you later, no promises I would help you with your stupid mayor campaign, just-” You huffed annoyed, you had run into the strange hitman a few times and the way he stared into your eyes were giving you the shivers, as you stare at Oswald then back at Ed, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

Oswald smirks as you leave his mansion, bring your phone to your ear as he looks at Butch, Ed sitting nearby.

“You’ve got him wrapped around your little fingers, boss.”

“The young ones, they’re always impressionable.”

As if, Oswald and Ed weren’t enough, you were stuck on frequently bumping into Barabra. She had no mercy for you, often times you would leave with a new injury. She was ruthless especially when she was with Tabitha. Of course, she was the one to introduce you to a new villain in the city. Jervis Tetch.

He would look at you up and down, a black eye forming as you looked annoyed to be in their presence. He found you amusing, he would scare the hell out of you by popping up in areas where you least expect him. His rhyming words would have no effect on you, though you hardly seem to notice the threats and malice within his speeches.

When he was locked up in Arkham you could breathe again without him breathing down your neck. Though, you wondered why he hadn’t infected you with his sister’s blood. Then Ed wanted to establish fear within the city causing him to team up with Butch, Barabra and Tabitha. 

You were sure you had to keep yourself on high alert because they always seem to have men around and keeping an eye on you.

“The Riddler,” You dragged the title, crossing your arms over your chest as you stood in the doorway of the Siren’s club, “Sounds like a bore.”

The three watched Ed almost throw a tantrum, as he hardens his stare, “You don’t have Oswald to protect you anymore, (Y/n).”

“No, but I wonder who would get to Zsasz first,” You bargained, “I’m young but not stupid, I’ve run into people like you before, I know how to play you.”

“People like us?”

“Psychotic.”

Truth be told, you didn’t know how you’ve lasted so long. The stress of the job was enough but getting tangled within the villains of Gotham was making your hair grey. You’ve spent any sleepless nights within the precinct, your lamp on within the darken room as you finish the last of your notes.

There was always one villain you were curious about. Jerome Valeska. You remembered him, being only eighteen, murdering his mother. You kept him company before his judgement day with Jim and his father, his confession day.

He found you a real cutie, young and very charming, much like himself. When he had seen you with bruised knuckles or hues of unflattering colours on your face he gets even turned on. So, when he had broken out of Arkham with Barabra, he went out to seek you. He kept an eye on you, as most people did. But, he wanted something different for you.

Whilst people like Penguin wanted you as a puppeteer, a man that they could break. He saw something else, a companionship, a crush as most would say. Jerome wasn’t capable of feeling love, and yet, during the massacre of the police station, he stared at you right in the eye and giggled like a little boy.

“I’ll see you, sweets.”

He runs off, only to give you one last look. Devouring your bleeding state, confused as you stood there doing nothing in your power to follow him and to stop him. He sends you last one wink before disappearing into the chaos. 

“(Y/n)?” Jim called out, you blinked and stared at him, “You’re hurt.”

“Not too bad, just my head,” You commented as you watch your partner and Harvey run into the precinct, “Go, I’ll be fine.”

Jim nods as Alvarez comes to you, you were leaning against the desk with your hands shaking. The last time you saw him was at the charity ball, he was a killer - you knew that but you couldn’t help watch in awe. Grasping in fascinating ways, he managed to seek you out whilst up on stage, he sends you a dazzling smile as you couldn’t help but smile back.

So, the last thing you were expecting him was to be revived and alive, you were sitting against one of the few cop cars, mentally preparing whatever Jim had placed on your desk. Alvarez had told you to take a breather, despite him being not right, you took it not wanting to push him.

You weren’t expected a bandaged face man with a police uniform rampaging towards you.

“Hiya sweets, mind if I borrow your car?”

You knitted your eyebrows in confusion, tilting your head, you thought you’ve finally gone insane with all these villains, who out for your blood for no apparent reason other to torment you, you have finally snapped.

“What?”

The next thing you knew, you were in the passenger's seat with him driving. You woke up confused as you suddenly take aware of your surrounding, jumping, grabbing the car in shock. Then you heard his famous laughter, you snapped your head to him.

“Sorry ‘bout your head,” He mentions, tilting his head to you as you briefly touched a small wound, “but, one bloody cut doesn’t compare to my face being gone.”

“Jerome?”

“That’s my name,” He gives you a charming side glance, “Please wear it out.”

He chuckles before hysterically laughing, gripping his hands against the wheel as you sat there dumbfounded. Watching how the buildings were rapidly moving past.

“What is going on?”

“Well, I was going to kill you but then I remembered who you were.” Jerome gags on his words, swerving into another pedestrian as you jump back into your seat, he giggles again, “You’re the darling detective that Jimbo likes so much.”

“I’m not Harvey.”

“Not the alcoholic freak!” Jerome exclaims, snapping his gloved fingers, “You’re the pretty face, if I remember correctly, you’re detective (Y/n) (L/n) and the truth is I like your pretty face.”

“I don’t know if I should be comforted with that statement,” You hummed, finally noticing your gun in his holster, “Where are you taking me anyway?”

“For adventure,” He simply states, almost as if that explains everything, “Doesn’t it get boring where you work. The same boring things.”

His voice deepens, make an old man, he rolls his eyes. Before small laughter ripped within the car, bringing back that you were indeed in a high speeding car with a murderer. A childlike psychopath, one wrong action or words he had your gun to kill you with.

“I get threatened every day of my life, so you and I have two different definitions of boring.”

“But, I can make your life exciting,” He was grinning, tearing his eyes off the road to prove the point, your face drops as you gripped the handles looking at the road, watching him run over more people. He waves his hands and looks back at the road, “Relax, sweets, I wouldn’t put a hand on you.”

“And if I say no?” You wondered, shifting in your seat, “I have many people wanting my head so get in line.”

He chuckles, halting the car suddenly, as you take in the new location, channel nine building with some cop cars already there. He fully turns to look at you, you could barely manage to make out his wicked smile under the bandages.

“I’m not gonna kill you, but I’ll drive you insane,” He boops your nose, “Now, be good and stay in the car, I have a business to attend to.”

You watch him exit the car, he leans down to the window, winking at you before causing havoc. You noticed he hadn’t locked the car, you could have left him but yet, oddly enough, you were just too curious about what goes in his funny little head of his.

Was this a risk?

A massive regret in the future?

Perhaps, but’s Gotham baby, and Jerome does have a charming laughter.

[siswritesyanderes]

What about a Yandere Luna Lovegood with a no-nonsense s/o? "Luna, how'd you know he was even talking to me?" "Oh, the nargles told me... They're quite ugly around him, seem to take after their owner..." "Luna... You've used nargles as an excuse to threaten seven people by now. It's getting old."

(I love this. Why have I never thought of this?)

You can’t really blame her. Well, you can, and you do, but you can at least understand how things escalated: She was lonely, and you were polite. “Kind”, as she put it, but you think “polite” is a more impartial assessment.

When you first overheard the other students making fun of her, you defended her. But of course you did; they were being ridiculous and ruining the learning environment noticeably more than her weirdness ever did. And when they were gone, you exchanged a few polite words with her and carried on.

And she carried on with you.

You didn’t mind. You were glad to be of help, keeping the bullies away. At any rate, she really wasn’t nearly as annoying as people made her out to be; her airy, unobtrusive presence was honestly enjoyable. And it was sort of flattering to have someone rush to walk at your side; someone eager to keep up with you even in the busy hallways, catching onto your robe at times; someone who ate faster when she saw you were almost done (even though at this point you always waited for her to finish her meal before leaving the Great Hall).

Maybe you were a little lonely, too.

Eventually, you started conversing with one another, when the two of you were in the Library or at meals. You were somewhat impressed by the fact that, despite her whimsical demeanor, she had quite a candid streak when it came to conversation. Frank, even. She was easy to talk to. Not just easy- rewarding. Everything you said to her came with positive reinforcement. You could ask her if she understood the Charms assignment, and she would smile as if your words had singlehandedly uninvented sadness.

Uncharacteristically, it took you a while to notice something that didn’t quite make sense:

“How do you find me after all of my classes?” you asked her one day. Not all of your classes were taken with her, but still she always managed to walk with you between them.

She smiled absently and hummed a one-note song. “The nargles tell me where you are all the time.”

“Nargles, Luna?”

“Oh, yes.” Her eyes were on her hands, which were tracing invisible patterns on the table in front of her. Normally, when nargles (or whatever other creatures) came into conversation, she made direct eye contact, her tone earnest and excited. This distractedness bordering on evasion was new.

“I don’t believe you,” you said straightforwardly.

She sighed. “Most people don’t. That’s okay though.”

“You know what I mean; I’m not saying that I don’t believe nargles are real-”

“But you don’t, though.”

“I have no opinion on the subject. I’m saying that I don’t believe you’re telling the truth about how you find me.”

She smiled brightly, and now her eyes met yours. “You don’t have to believe me. You’re already the best friend I’ve ever had; trusting me might just gild the lily and make me too happy. And then where would we be?”

You were not inclined to continue the conversation.

Luna just seemed elated that you hadn’t rejected the title “friend”.

It was fine being Luna’s friend, although you worried it had adverse effects on your ability to socialize with other people. You joined a club for one of your interests, just to feel like you regularly spoke to someone other than her, which was apparently not the best of moves.

One day, Luna trotted up to you with a serene expression. “I have a gift for you,” she said.

“What is it?” If you were slightly wary, it was only because of course you were.

She held up a handful of brown hair. “I found this.”

“Found it where?”

“The nargles gave it to me. They said it’s from a boy called Orville…or Oswald…or Orson…something like that…And they said he won’t be going to your club meetings anymore.”

You were sure your expression was a delightful mix of stern, exasperated, and horrified. After two full seconds, you blinked, and the first thing you said was, “Do not give me human hair!”

“Alright.” She threw the ball of hair over her shoulder. “Just as well; I don’t think he washed it very thoroughly. Although they say the more hair you keep, the more whizmurgoblins you attract; that’s why I keep mine so long-”

“Luna,” you interrupted. “What happened to Osmond?”

“Oh, that was his name! Normally I’m not nearly that close.”

“Luna.”

“I told you, it was the nargles. You can ask again, but I’ll say the same thing. I’ve read that friends often have the same conversations over again, so maybe it could be fun.”

(You try to ask Osmond what happened, but he avoids you like the plague, and all of his friends either seem confused or give you dirty looks.)

Next time, she skipped up to you with a handful of short, pale sticks. “Another gift from the nargles!” she announced cheerfully.

“Merlin’s trousers, Luna. What are those?”

“Kimberly Penhallow’s finger bones; apparently she’s in the Hospital Wing regrowing them. And she’s quit the club as well. The nargles told me.”

“The nargles told you.”

“Oh yes.”

“Luna, are you attacking my club members?”

“I think the nargles might be. They’re awfully territorial, you know. But a lot of things are. When you value something or someone quite a lot, it makes sense to want them to be just yours.” (You suddenly recalled how your table-mate at Potions had up and moved tables one day for seemingly no reason. You didn’t even have Potions at the same time as Luna; how did she know?) “Especially when everyone else takes them for granted. Watching people fail to appreciate someone- or something -truly magnificent can be upsetting, I imagine.” She slipped her arm around yours to keep from being parted by the crowd. “But I don’t always know what the nargles are thinking.”

You didn’t shake her off, but you sighed. “Do not give me human bones,” you said.

Luna tossed the bones over her shoulder. Looking back, you saw that they had landed inside a passing student’s bag. “No more hair, no more bones.”

“Or blood or organs,” you added, because if she ambled up to you tomorrow and handed you eyeballs, you were going to be studying at Beauxbatons next year.

“No hair, bones, blood, or organs. Anything else?”

“I don’t know.”

The two of you exited into the bright sunlight of the Clock Tower Courtyard, now. The area wasn’t as densely populated, but Luna still walked as close to you as if it was. As if she might lose you.

“Can I tell you that I love you?” she asked lightly.

“No,” you said, because this was such a mad situation and she was still holding onto your arm.

“Okay,” was her easy reply.

Once you had had a night’s sleep and processed the facts of the matter, you were more exasperated than anything.

“I’ve quit the club,” you snapped at her, unprompted, the next day. “Alright?”

“I’ll have to tell the nargles,” she said, with an adoring smile. “Hopefully, I get to them in time; I already found three of Gregory Brown’s fingernails, and I suspect they’re behind it.” She held out the fingernails in her palm, looking almost as if she hoped you would be proud of her. Oh Merlin, they weren’t just clippings.

“Are fingernails not made from skin, Luna? Skin is an organ. I said no organs.”

“As a bodily structure, they’re more analogous to horns or hooves than anything. You don’t want nails either?”

You ran a hand over your face. “Why have I not reported you to Flitwick?”

“Because my attention makes you feel good about yourself, and you’ve gotten used to that.”

“You’ve been manipulating me.”

“You say ‘manipulating’ like it’s a bad thing, but the term itself is neutral. I take care of you, is all. Like you take care of me. We need each other.” She did a spin as the two of you descended a great grassy hill on the school grounds. Her face upturned to look at the sky and clouds for a second, but then her gaze returned to you as if she couldn’t help herself. She erased the distance that had been made between the two of you by her spin, both of her hands going to grip your robes even though this was the grounds and there was nobody within ten meters of either of you.

You sat by the water and did your Herbology homework: Write down ten species of plant found by the Black Lake. She wove weeds into your hair as you worked, then around your ankle, then your wrist. You glanced up from your writing, once, and saw that her lips were moving.

“Are you casting something?”

“Just talking to the nargles,” she soothed. “You can finish your work.”

Against your better judgement, you did, (in lieu of pursuing the topic) and once you were able to set your work aside, you leaned back and took in the lovely day.

Surprisingly, Luna did not lean back, but rather remained upright and cross-legged, at most seeming to take this new angle as an opportunity to stare at you full-on. Does she ever blink?

“Can I tell you that I love you?” she asked again.

“No,” you told her once more.

She seemed to ponder this, shifting position to sit on her heels. “I want to make you feel good things,” she said. “Being with you makes me feel really good, and sometimes it seems like I can never make you feel as good as you make me feel.” She finally lowered herself to the grass, then, on her stomach instead of her back, and she was resting along your side but still staring up into your face. Her nose was enfolded in your robes, and you had a suspicion that she was deliberately smelling you. “Tell me how to make you feel good things, and I’ll do it.”

For some reason, despite her unaggressive manner of speaking, this felt like a challenge; as if this was your one chance to prove that you knew what you wanted. As if your response now determined whether or not you would keep the already-tenuous control you had over her horrifying actions.

“Stop attacking people,” you said straightforwardly. “I would feel better if you didn’t do that anymore.”

She sighed, as if disappointed by your response, which did not bode well. “I don’t think you’re being quite honest with yourself, but I will talk to the nargles about it.”

“Luna, just put a stop to it. For me, alright? Could you do it for me?”

She sat up, and her eyes were wide and so focused that you felt pinned like a butterfly. “I could do anything for you,” she said, her hands going to frame your face and her thumbs massaging your temples. She sat down on your chest and leaned her face a bit closer to yours, but not yet intimately close. “Maybe sometimes it will be what you need instead of what you want, but I’d do anything for you.”

[ofdiamondsandsmoke]

Ghosts part 1

I’m on this bandwagon and so excited to post this series. At the moment I can’t delve into the pairing because *spoilers* but I think you guys will like it ;) takes place after season 4

Summary: Drawn to London by a three-worded note, an American “business” woman has decided now is the time to expand her company.You are (y/n) Sinclaire, dangerously brilliant as you are charming and stunning. You are going to give the Peaky Blinders a run for their money. And cause a little chaos on the way.

________________________________________________________________

The letter continued to be folded and twisted in your hands. It was foolish of you to have kept it instead of throwing it into the fireplace the moment you read it. Even more foolish to have brought it all the way across the pond.

But you couldn’t part with it. The letter itself was simple, more of a telegram really. The words were what you were holding onto. You couldn’t really remember her reaction to the small parchment. All you could remember was being helped off the ground and your head spinning. A heavy glass of whiskey, then the earliest tickets to London.

 It’s been done.

-A

 Hands uncrumpled the note and your eyes found ink again. Your stomach tightened; painted lips quivered upward in a small smirk. Your driver met your eyes from the mirror but quickly darted away. You must have looked like a mad woman with the hungry grin on Your face, but you could be brought to care.

 It was time. Time to grow your empire.

 Jazz filled the air. Phonographs were in every corner of the large manor to ensure the guests were wrapped in the cool ambiance. Everyone was dressed to the nines and why shouldn’t they be? This was a grand party. In the home of the great Oswald Mosley.

You toyed with the cigarette in your gloved hand, watching the smoke as it lazily climbed the air. People occasionally came up to you, asking questions far too intimate for mere strangers. Which made your attention fall. It was your social grace and needing to speak to a certain brit that kept you there, giving faux smiles and playing interest in other’s conversations. You were also his house guest for the night so playing the partial part of hostess was expected.  

Your boys weren’t too far away. Each swarmed by a gaggle of ladies all wanting to soak up their “foreign accents”. You could see their annoyance in the ticks of their jaws and the constant flick of their gazes over to you for a rescue. Your response would be a lift of the eyebrow and a silent “Not yet”. So, they’d stick it out until you made your move. They were good, loyal men who have stuck by your side no matter what you decided to do. You trusted each of them with your life. And the life of someone far more precious.

Dark eyes fell on said someone. Your son.

He was stood only a few feet from you, also entertaining young nosy women. A spike of maternal protectiveness rose in your chest. All you wanted was to rush to his side and pull him from their claws. Social grace once again stayed your heels. Your son needed this. He needed to rub elbows with London’s snobs, even more so, he needed to be seen and introduced to the city’s masters. Even if it wasn’t “proper” to speak business at these events, he’d be seen.

Amid your wandering thoughts, he had fallen to your side. Hands gripping the railing as you both looked down at the rest of the party. Chocolate hair gelled with hardly a lock out of place save for the sweet piece that curled on his forehead. He turned his cool eyes to you and let out a huff at your mischievous grin.

“A little help would’ve been nice, mother.” He shook his head but let out a chuckle as he looked over his shoulder and watched as the girls he’d just been with flutter to the other’s sides. “I think they need some too. We’ve been here for hours. Isn’t it time yet?”

“Not yet, darling.” Was your response as you turned to him to straightened his jacket and tie. Your eyes roamed over to your soldiers once again. Unassuming Americans visiting their close friend in support of his ventures. That was their role. “You are right though, why don’t we get you lot away from these twitchy little birds, hmm?”

The tiniest of nods and your soldiers politely left their audiences to follow you down the stairs. What a sight you were. Four hard-boiled men around your frame and a young sheik in the making beside you. Unlike the rest of the women who followed the newest trend, you kept her hair (h/l). Styled in waves down your shoulder. You wore little jewelry to the party, just beautiful diamond earrings that dropped down and nearly touched your shoulders. Your silken long gown was a lovely ivory shade with beads that caught the light and shimmered like gems themselves. The wandering eyes of men and women proved your theory right. And that was good. You needed to be seen tonight.

Your heel faltered at the last step, Lawrence tensed beside you and placed his hand on your back to steady you. Bright hues were filled with concern as he stepped before you to gauge your reaction. Her men paused as well, each looking for what made you stop.

“Mother?” Lawrence asked again with a quiet voice.

It was him.

How? You thought you’d never see him again. He was a violent and beautiful breeze in your early life. One you so wished to have chased.

Pale skin like porcelain, cheekbones high and prominent that were sharp enough to cut, hair blacker than the night and eyes like two shards of ice. He stood with his back to you speaking with your host. He stood tall. Proud. So different from how you’d last seen him, broken despite your attempts to piece him together. He looked so strong now and it made your heart weep.

Thomas Shelby.

Devastatingly beautiful on the outside and in. You had fallen for the young soldier during the war when you acted as a nurse. He had been brought to you after the tunnel he and his squad had been digging collapsed. They were thought to have been dead but when they clawed their way up and proved that wrong, they were rushed to the medical tents. He lay unconscious for a day before you finally got the chance to see those gorgeous eyes.

“Thomas Shelby.” Your voice was clear and rang through the room that quickly grew silent. Oswald frowned in confusion as you sauntered towards them.

The man in question turned his head in little attention until he saw you. His body whipped around; hands that had been in his pockets fell to his sides before he numbly lifted them in a rigid movement. Your hands were already raised to cup his cheeks in a far too familiar embrace. Your eyes finally noticed the people around him, two held your interest longer than the others. A tall woman with a cross look on her face being whispered to by an older woman. Feeling bold, you touched the tips of your right fingers to his cheek.

“(Y/n)?” He breathed out.

[gregoftom]

I'm a super fan of mayor cobblepot/chief of staff Ed or businessmanOz/secretaryEd office sex. Eddie sucking Oswald's dick under the desk. Oswald fingering him over the desk while he's on the phone etc.

for someone who wore his heart on his sleeve, who was openly expressive of his emotions, oswald was strangely good at remaining quiet, even when ed swirled his tongue around the head of oswald’s dick which they both knew he liked. he tensed at most, the fingers of the hand on ed’s head curling into his hair and tugging it lightly. 

the desk was adequate enough to hide ed, as long as no one looked down to see his long legs folded as he knelt between oswald’s own. oswald preoccupied himself with business, whichever needed his official attention that ed alone couldn’t take care of. 

after some few minutes, the door opened and the languid movements of ed’s tongue stopped for a moment in surprise. oswald, who had his face rested in his hand, looked up as though there was nothing particularly interesting going on at the moment. 

“what is it?”

“just thought you’d like to know,” a voice responded, and ed recognised it. it was butch, and oswald felt the smirk against his cock. they both knew just how much ed liked overtaking butch as oswald’s right hand man, how much he liked proving that he was oswald’s favourite, so it was no surprise he was pleased that they also both knew what ed was doing under the desk, even though butch was oblivious to it. “the people have asked for another public appearance at the hospital,”

“again? i was there only yesterday,” oswald sighed, annoyed that it was like his efforts to appease the public were being ignored. “what about the soup kitchen? it has been two d–” he cut himself off as ed licked a particularly hot stripe up the length of his dick. “…days since i was there,”

butch tilted his head and oswald’s eyebrows raised to keep up the facade of innocence. butch seemingly shook it off.

“maybe, but that ain’t what the people want. you oughta go along with ‘em if you wanna keep their faith. if your chief of staff were here i think he’d say the same,” there was an edge of bitterness to butch’s tone which made ed grin as he rubbed his face against oswald’s cock.

“perhaps you are right,” oswald said, his breathing starting to become uneven as he felt himself getting close. “very well, i will get him to schedule a time for me to visit. you may go now,”

“where is he, anyway? usually he’s on you like flies on honey,” butch said again, and even though he and oswald couldn’t see it, ed swayed his hips a little to shake his ass tauntingly.

“he is–” oswald took another breath and wet his lips, the grip in ed’s hair the tightest it had been yet, and ed had to fight the urge to moan. “he is… unfortunately delayed. i will tell him as soon as he gets here,”

“right…” butch said in a suspicious voice, but it seemed he was satisfied enough with that answer, and so left the room, shutting the door behind him.

“fuck,” oswald cursed, now able to freely express his pleasure. “i’m c– hhn. soon, my dear edward, soon,”

he felt ed nod before he started to alternate between deep swallows and sucking the head of oswald’s dick and oswald tensed up, letting his head fall back against his chair. ed, too, began to let loose and became a lot sloppier with his actions, wet and sucking sounds filling the room along with the occasional hum.

after some few seconds oswald leaned forward, back arching as he reached down with his free hand and took hold of the other side of ed’s head and his hips jerked as he was pushed over the edge. notorious for being loud, he had to bite down hard on his bottom lip to stop himself screaming, but his voice still broke as he moaned behind the barrier of his lips. he heard ed eagerly working oswald through his orgasm before he came to a halt, kissing the tip and moving forward so that oswald could see his face.

he opened his mouth and exposed the cum inside it on his tongue. oswald almost got hard again at the sight alone, instead stroking the side of ed’s face tenderly as he swallowed it down.

“that was amazing as always, ed,” oswald said softly, enjoying the smile he received in response and waiting as ed carefully tucked him away and zipped up his pants. “you’re so good, my perfect chief of staff. you want a reward for serving me so well?”

ed nodded eagerly and oswald raised his eyebrows again, an indication that he wanted it vocalised.

“yes, oswald. please, i’ve waited for this for hours,”

“very well then,” oswald said and pushed the chair out, standing, ed crawling out from under the desk and standing also, his erection very obvious and proud in his pants. oswald eyed it hungrily before striding to the door and locking it. “so there are no unwelcome interruptions. on the desk, darling,”

ed scrambled to oblige, undoing his pants and pushing them to his ankles along with his underwear and stepping one foot out of them before half leaning, half lying on the desk with one leg propped up, exposing himself. oswald licked his lips. he made his way over, reaching into a pocket and taking his time pulling out a small bottle of lubricant that had recently become one of the essential items he would have with him at all times.

ed looked like he was about to burst with want as he saw the bottle come into view, and his breathing picked up slightly in excitement for what was coming next. once oswald was behind him, he looked forward again, eyes on the now locked door. with a small hum, oswald popped the cap and ed swallowed hard at the sound. he poured some out onto two fingers before leaning over ed, placing the bottle on the desk as he did so. he rested his hand against ed’s rear and stroked it teasingly, bringing out a small whine from ed. 

ed knew better than to ask for things to speed up, as it would only get a reprimand, so he remained quiet. it turned out his patience was rewarded because it wasn’t long before oswald was pressing a finger to ed’s entrance. when it was breached, ed let out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding, and oswald’s finger slid in until it was at the knuckle.

“been busy with ourselves, have we?” oswald said, thankfully sounding amused instead of irritated.

“sorry…” ed gasped as oswald began to move his finger in and out, twisting and wriggling and making ed’s stomach jump with pleasure. “yesterday when we were busy all day i wanted you so badly, but we couldn’t find the time… so i… i had to afterwards…”

“i understand,” oswald said soothingly, adding a second finger and slowly thrusting them in and out. “i love that you are so impatient for me, pet,”

ed tried to respond but all he could do was groan when oswald’s fingers crooked and he began probing for that bundle of nerves. when he found it, ed cried out and let his head drop forward, hands clutching the sides of the desk so tightly his knuckles were white. just when he thought he might have been able to say something, the phone rang, making them both jump. they had forgotten about it.

“well?” oswald said, still moving his fingers. “answer the phone,”

“now?! when you’re inside me?”

“yes, now,” oswald said, this time more firmly. “it could be important. an emergency,”

“alright, oswald,” ed replied, biting his lip before reaching and picking up the phone and placing it to his ear. “mayor cobblepot’s office, how may i help yo–ooh!” 

oswald had pressed particularly hard to that spot inside ed causing him to yelp softly. ed took a deep shuddering breath to gather himself, and then began a conversation with someone who wanted to arrange another interview. throughout it all, it took all of his strength not to moan as oswald continued to work his insides.

oswald’s mercy ran out eventually however, and he began to wiggle his fingers up and down and ed had to bring his free hand to his mouth and bite down on it to stop himself making too much noise.

“l-let me just put you on hold a mo– moment,” he just about managed before putting the caller on hold and letting the noises flow freely, quiet sounds of the desk creaking with the force of oswald’s movements mixing in with his moans.

“very smart, ed,” oswald said amused, although ed could tell it was praising. “for that you deserve more,”

oswald reached with his free hand under the desk which ed’s dick was pressing up against and took a hold of ed’s cock, pumping it slowly in time with his fingers.

“oh g– fuck…!” ed gasped, dropping the phone receiver as he hands flew to cling the sides of the desk for dear life. “os– uhn! – oswald!” 

it didn’t take much more for him to be coming with a cry, painting the bottom of the desk with white as he did so. panting, he eventually relaxed down, chin resting against the surface. after a moment, he reached for the phone weakly and pressed the button to release the hold.

“thank you for holding. i checked with mr. cobblepot and he would be delighted to interview tomorrow afternoon. two pm? excellent, i’ll inform him right now. no, no, thank you,” he said in a dreamy, mellow voice before putting the phone back onto the hook.

“amazing,” oswald said warmly, leaning down and twisting so that they could kiss for a few moments before moving back again. “what would i do without you, edward?”

ed smiled, feeling warmth in his chest as he stepped back into his pants and underwear on the floor and pulled them up shakily as he stood.

“i only want to help you be as successful as you can, mr. mayor,” ed said with a smirk and oswald responded with a grin of his own.

“i am glad to hear that. now, you do realise you need to clean the mess you made of my desk on the underside?”

“yes. i’ll get right on that, oswald. i believe a cool water and detergent mix should do the trick.”

[thedeevirus]

If you’re still recieving Nygmobblepot requests may I request something: Edward helping Oswald get over a breakup with Gordon?

Hi there!

Much as I love the idea of Oswald with a dog, I much prefer the idea of Oswald having his birds like his comic counterpart. So in this little story, Ed gives him his first one to cheer him up :)

Hope you enjoy!

****

‘Come in’.

Ed’s eyes narrowed at the choked sound of Oswald’s voice. Bracinghimself for whatever state Oswald would be in and tightening his grip on thegift he had brought him, Ed opened the office door.

 Oswald was standing with his back to Ed, gazing out of the window. Fromthe back he seemed the picture of quiet composure. The detritus littering thedesk told a different story.

Boxes of Kleenex, a mirror, a snapped eyeliner pencil, no less than fivedifferent tubs of ice cream, each one sampled-

‘Ed?’

Oswald’s voice interrupted Ed’s analysis. As he directed his gaze to hisfriend, his brain automatically connected the evidence on the desk to Oswald’sphysical appearance. Limp hair, reddened eyes, a single telltale streak of ruinedmakeup on one cheek and a plain, grey suit all added up to an utterly deflated,diluted Penguin.

‘It’s been a while’, Oswald said in a tone of careful neutrality, ‘Whatare you doing here?’

Ed held up the package in demonstration, careful not to agitate itsconcealed contents.

‘What you say, I repeat, sometimes in your voice and am known as acutthroat’s companion of choice, what am I?’ Ed pronounced.

Oswald rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sat down at the desk again.He sat slowly and Ed realised his leg must be hurting again. It usually didwhen Oswald was stressed.

‘I don’t mean to be rude Ed but can the riddles wait? I’m in the middleof…something here’.

‘Looks like you’re in the middle of several things’, Ed said, placing hisparcel carefully down on the desk.He picked up a tub of ‘cookies and cream’ and noted how half of it wasmissing.‘All forming a downward spiral by the looks of it’, Ed concluded.

‘I couldn’t pick so I’m just trying each one’, Oswald shrugged, stirringhis currently selected flavour (mint chocolate chip) with a spoon.

Oswald went quiet and Ed nodded, signalling he didn’t need to elaborate.Oswald, as if to distract himself, picked up the mirror and examined his eyescritically.

‘So…do you give up?’ Ed asked, sitting down to face Oswald, decidingawkwardness was more productive than silence.

‘On the riddle or keeping my eyeliner intact?’ Oswald said, shaking hishead at his reflection, ‘Because I’m swiftly losing patience with the latter’.

Ed pulled the sheet off the cage. A parrot with pale plumage save forits red tail feathers regarded them both curiously, head tilted as it chitteredto itself. Ed opened the cage door and stroked the parrot.

‘It’s a parrot’, Ed said, answering his own riddle.

‘I can see that’, Oswald said, surprise breaking through his subdued demeanourlike the sun through clouds, ‘Why is there a parrot in my office?’

‘I thought you could use some cheering up’, Ed offered.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, Oswald said, eyes dartingaway, ‘I’m fine’.

He reached for the spoon again.

‘Ice cream’s not going to fill that ache you know’, Ed interjected.

‘What would you know about how I feel?!’ Oswald suddenly snapped, throwing thespoon down.

As it clanked against the hard wooden floor and the parrot gave areproachful caw at the noise, Oswald caught himself. He forced himself to meetEd’s stricken face. Of course, Ed knew what it was like to feel heartache. Itdisgusted Oswald that he had forgotten that.

‘I’m so sorry Ed’, Oswald said, ‘I didn’t mean-‘

‘It’s okay’, Ed said, his smile brittle, yet forgiving, ‘We’re bothtougher than we look’.

Ed’s kindness finally brought Oswald’s defenses crashing down. He was tootired to care if Ed had planned such an insidious tactic in advance. He always seemed to know just what to say to coax him. To help draw the poison out.

‘How did you find out?’ Oswald asked.

‘I have my ways’, Ed said but then added reassuringly, ‘Don’t worry Istopped the gossip trail at its source. Permanently’.

But Oswald didn’t seem to hear him. He was just staring at the parrot asit preened itself. Ed knew he wasn’t really seeing it.

‘You know what’s funny?’ he said, ‘I knew this would happen. I tried sohard to think of it as just a fling. I knew Jim would walk away and I’d end upalone. But I let him get close anyway. Jumped every time he called. Let him dowhat he wanted. And for a while it felt wonderful. Just to feel…’

He swallowed hard and inhaled deeply. Ed tactfully ignored the tearsfalling onto the mahogany of the desk, tainting the exposed ice cream withsalt.

‘Wanted’, Ed finished for him.

Oswald gave a hoarse sounding, bitter laugh before savagely scrunchingup a Kleenex and jabbing it into his eyes. Ed held the box up for Oswald as hetook another and blew his nose loudly.

‘You probably won’t understand this but I hate being right’, Oswaldsaid, throwing the tissues away.His smile was poisonous and showed too many teeth.‘See? I told you it was funny’.

‘I don’t think it’s funny’, Ed said truthfully.

‘I suppose riddles are your forte not jokes’.

They sat in silence for a moment. The parrot, noticing the tissues,pulled one out and began to play with it, flicking it back and forth like amatador waving a red cape.

‘One thing I don’t understand is, why Jim Gordon?’ Ed asked carefully, ‘Weboth know you can do better’.

‘Honestly, I don’t know’, Oswald sighed leaning his chin on his palm, ‘Maybebecause every time he called me for one of our little rendezvous it felt likeI’d won something. Like I was proving something to him but in the end, all Iwas doing was fooling myself’.

‘Proving what?’

‘That he’s just like us but he’s just too proud to admit it?’

‘More like too stupid to realise it’.

Ed was rewarded with a genuine chuckle from Oswald.

‘I liked dragging him down with me’, he admitted, ‘Pretended I wasgathering ammunition’.

‘But you’ve decided you won’t use it’.

Oswald shook his head.

‘That’s very noble of you’, Ed observed even as he felt rage bubble insidehim at the thought that Jim Gordon would never know what kind of person Oswaldtruly was.How could the ignoramus ever understand a complex person like that? Whenall he saw was black and white and ideals packed in neat, restrictive boxes.

‘Nothing to do with nobility’, Oswald said, ‘I just know it wouldn’thurt him’.

‘It won’t hurt you forever either’, Ed said comfortingly.

‘You really do know everything don’t you?’ Oswald joked weakly.

‘I just know a thing or two about Penguins’, Ed said.

‘Speaking of which’, Oswald said, gesturing towards the parrot, ‘What kindof parrot is he? Apart from a grey one’.

‘No, you’re absolutely right: his species is a grey parrot. Dexterous,friendly, attractive plumage, highly intelligent-‘

‘Sounds familiar’, Oswald interjected, raising an eyebrow.

‘And talkative’, Ed said, accepting the compliment.

‘What does he say?’

‘Depends on what you say. Forexample’, Ed said and scrunched up his face, ‘Jim Gordon’.

The parrot made a retching noise and held a dramatic wing up to cover its face.Oswald burst out laughing and Ed felt a surge of triumph.

‘How do I look?’ Ed asked, spreading his arms.

The parrot whistled appreciatively and Ed pointed at Oswald.

‘How does Oswald look?’ he asked.

‘I love you Oswald’, the parrot said without skipping a beat.

Ed felt as if his heart had stopped. The damn bird had even said it in aclose approximation of his voice. Ed maintained enough presence of mind to bethankful the bird had been unable to replicate the tone in which he usuallyuttered those words: which was always in a private erotic scenario. Never toOswald’s face.

‘That’s uh not right’, he said weakly but Oswald seemed oblivious to hisdiscomfort.

‘I am both impressed and flattered’, Oswald laughed, ‘How long did it take you to train himto say that?’

Ed shrugged offhandedly, keen to show that it was just a joke. That was all. Nothing else.

‘I-uh I did have to repeat it quite a few times before he caught on’, Edsaid, adjusting his glasses, ’He’s smart, a great bird, but he can be a-‘

Ed cleared his throat, cautious of revealing too much in his attempt to coverhis embarrassment before continuing: ‘…slow learner’.

‘More like tooclever for his own good’, Ed thought but felt the beginnings of relief as Oswald began to stroke the parrot’shead, obviously warming to the creature.

‘I think he and I are going to get along swimmingly’, Oswald said, ‘What’shis name?’

‘Scraps. Speaking of which, I’m going to order some Chinese takeout for us’.

Ed picked up an empty tub of ice cream and threw it in the wastebasket demonstrably.

‘If you’ve had enough ice cream’, he said impishly.

Oswald nodded: ‘Yes please’.

Ed nodded and began to dial on his phone. As it began to ring, he turnedto leave the office, permitting Oswald some bonding time with his new pet.

‘Thank you Ed’, Oswald said as Ed opened the door, ‘You’re a true friend’.

‘You’re welcome’, Ed said without turning around.

Oswald smiled at Ed’s back as he heard ‘I love you Oswald’ once again.

‘Ha! He said it again Ed! You didn’t even have to…’

He trailed off as he noticed the parrot was busying itself by playingwith an ice cream lid, its mouth too full to speak.

‘….signal’, Oswald finished quietly, shock flooding his system as thedoor closed and he realised who had truly spoken.

He clasped a hand over his mouth as fresh tears brewed in his eyes. Unlikethose he had shed for Jim, which had made his chest tighten as if he was drowning,these made him feel lighter than air.

‘I am a slow learner aren’t I?’ he laughed, feeling his heart begin torace.

 The parrot whistled in avian, affirmative reply.