#not sure if i will include it in like The Final Fic?? but!!! renee and andrew interactions :D

[stabbyfoxandrew]

good morning and happy wipwednesday <3

I'm so happy to see you're excited to write this week and I'll humbly request arsonist!neil

also happy valentines day (if that's what people say we don't really have that in my country) <3

WIP Wednesday (2/14) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 95)

As usual, Andrew is the first to board the Fire Bus. He taps his foot against the floorboard and waits for a couple minutes before the rest of his motley crew finally get their ducks in a row. Boyd is the next to show, dropping into the driver’s seat like a block of lead. He turns the engine over and starts tapping an address into the GPS monitor. Andrew doesn’t give it a second thought, until Renee climbs up. 

She glances up into the front and gasps, “Matt, are we going to St. Agnes’?”

Ah, that’s why it was familiar.

“Uh, yeah.” Boyd says, half turning in his seat.

Renee’s eyes widen and her hand comes to cover her mouth. “Oh no. Did they say how bad?”

“No, but it’s gonna be fine. Best in the business on our way,” Boyd smiles. “As soon as my wife gets in here.”

The passenger door opens and Wilds hops in as if on cue. “I’m ready, let’s roll.”

“It’ll be alright, Renee.” Andrew says softly. Renee nods, then says something under her breath that must be a prayer.

—

There is not a fire at St. Anges’. There is nothing at all going on at St. Agnes’, well except for Mass. Andrew isn’t exactly sure what that means, but when the truck rolls up an old guy wearing robes comes out.

“There isn’t any fire. I don’t know who could’ve called that in.” He says, looking confused. “Service is just about to start, if you’d like—”

At that, Andrew turns on his heel and returns to his beloved backseat. He’d rather lick the trucks’ tires— all six of them— than listen to that. He sighs and pulls off his coat to drop it on the bench beside him. False alarms are better than having to stand in an inferno for hours, Andrew thinks. If his evening is going to be free, he can spend it talking to a certain idiot instead.

It only takes a couple more minutes for the rest of the team to return. And once they’re inside, Boyd starts up the truck— again— and turns them back towards the station. Renee gives Andrew a look before shaking her head.

“What.”

“You know what. That was really rude. Father Paul is very nice.”

“He’s not my Father,” Andrew says, crossing his arms. “And I don’t see why he felt the need to invite us in. We aren’t vampires. Or are we?”

“Andrew,” Renee rolls her eyes, then laughs. 

“Perhaps St. Agnes put out the fire for us,” Andrew says, contemplatively. “Can’t saints do that kind of thing?”

“Actually… Maybe. But St. Florian is the saint of firefighters,” Renee says.

“And Agnes is what? The saint of golfers?”

“Nope. Rape survivors."

“Oh." Andrew sits there with his foot in his mouth for a second. "Well, good for her.”

[constelationprize]

1 3 and 4 for the ask game!! - maridayurno

Thank you @dayurno for the questions and giving me a reason to look away from AutoCad becuase college was driving me insane. Anyway

1. last sentence you wrote

Alright, thing is, last thing I wrote was an edit in the middle of a chapter, so can't be really sure. However, I THINK it might have been this one (technically 3 but it was the middle one so it makes no sense without a bit of context):

When Aaron's door closes, Andrew says, eyes still on his book:

"That was just strike three."

3. how do you feel about your current wip

I have like. Five current wips. But going for the one I used to answer the previous questions: it is my baby, dead men walking. It's the fic that made me truly come back into the fandom (I was just gonna lurk betaing Nani @queer-lovebot otherwise), and that prompted me to reread the books last year. I am so proud of everything I have planned for it, and I think every single sentence I write on it is the smartest bestest thing ever written, unless I get something so factually wrong I spend five months away from it in shame of having to go back and correct like half of a 3k pov. In my defense, it HAD been five years, how the fuck was I supposed to remember that the Twinyards backstory had this many details.

Anyone it's going to be so over for you guys once this drops in uuuuuh 8-24 months at least.

Here are some Nani reactions to the (now finally fucking finished I hope) prologue the quote was from, that made me feel very evil and very proud:

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

Again, it's gonna be hard picking just one, but… The unwritten apple of my eye right now is nowhere girls, a Dan/Renee AU that came to be because I read Dan's EC and the potential was so blinding my dick exploded. Anyway, it's a no-Exy world, so they were soccer rivals in school instead and didn't manage to get any scholarships, and it's kind of a bad ending for them both in the sense they don't have the Foxes as that groudind presence. Dan is juggling community college, her strip club job and also occasional shifts at a diner. Renee is feeling kind of lost after graduation, and maybe sort of joins an underground fight club as a way to manage her anger. Dan recognizes her at the diner and tries to avoid her, up until Renee starts showing up with bruises, and trying to intervene leads to Renee inviting her to the fight club. Homoeroticism ensues. Seth and Allison run rival betting rings. Matt is also going to show up eventually.

The title was inspired by this part of the Dan EC:

I have listened to brutal by Olivia Rodrigo and thought about Them like daily ever since I came up with the idea.

I also included the first sentence to this in that challenge a few weeks back, but I'll tell you a trade secret: I made that one up on the spot because I thought the number of actual wips I had started was kinda sad and I wanted to do it anyway. Really liked it though, so it's staying :)

[the-s-exy-squad]

I have so many headcanons about all for the game and the parts of everyone’s lives that weren’t discussed in depth. Also a few oc/canon character interactions yk. (Another post bc I am not adding it to this today)

To start off, things about canon characters.

I don’t think the entire reason Neil stayed was bc Andrew and Exy. I think he decided at some point whether it be subconsciously or not that even if it results in death, he wanted to help the people who treated him the best. He wanted to make sure that they were better so that he’d have the comfort of knowing that in his last moments when his dad finally caught up to him. He was the foxes team captain and lead most of the practices until he left palmetto and got signed to a pro team with Andrew. They lived together and everything.

Nicky still have spurts of depressive episodes around thanksgiving for sure and during random times bc he feels guilty. Andrew wouldn’t have been there if he didn’t ask Neil to get him to go. Andrew snaps at him once about how it isn’t his fault and he didn’t hand him on a silver plater to drake and that even though he wanted him to go, it wasn’t like he KNEW. Which would also mark the first time Andrew openly talks about the shit drake did to him. He eventually goes back to Germany but makes sure to stay in contact with everyone so he doesn’t miss them too much and can make sure they’re staying out of trouble.

Andrew gets better. He still struggles with his feeling and emotional control but it’s gotten to where he knows his limits and the little tells that his body gives him in regards to what he needs to do to calm down. Mostly includes alone time with Neil and Neil touching his shoulders or hair. I also like to believe that one day he forces himself to budge on his touch boundaries. They start off small like one of Neil’s hands on his arm and when he gains a positive association (Neil) with that touch they do another. I also like to think that he goes back to criminal Justice and gets a career as a social services worker or juvenile court lawyer. He wouldn’t want any kid to get some shitty ruling like he had with the meds and he’d be trying everything he can to ensure it doesn’t go that way bc fuck he knows those meds didn’t do shit but make him find stupid shit funny.

Kevin goes to pro obviously and that’s his entire life. He gets traded to a team and agrees to go because it’s the same city Aaron is a doctor in. He missed his college team and despite how he disregarded their well-being over exy, he hopes they’re doing good. He and Neil still stay in contact and occasionally taunt each other on social media that the fans go WILD for. Andrew rarely pops in with some embarrassingly clumsy thing Kevin did in college or a picture of him half asleep during a practice HE scheduled and the fans eat it up.

Aaron leaves the state and goes to a city that was hiring for doctors. During his intern/probationary period, he would work 3- 12 hour shifts a week and usually pick some up as well because he didn’t like having entirely empty days. When Kevin moved to that city to play exy Asron debated letting him stay in his apartment bc he’d have social interaction and he closer to someone on the team again. I read in a fic once and I absolutely love this idea: Neil is still working on fixing their relationship by making them have calls. I edited it a little to be at least 10 minutes once a week instead of however long once a month.

I think Matt would (since he majored in business administration) just go get a job at some big corporate business of some sort. He’d be the funny work friend guy and a lot of people would ask questions about college and how he and the team get during the whole thing with the ravens to which he’d laugh and say something light hearted about the situation. Even though they asked, they still treated him great and never brought up his life before palmetto.

Renee on god I love this so much. Since she’s adopted, I think she’d start a summer camp for kids in foster care and adopted kids so they didn’t feel alone. I feel like it would be the same way a Christian summer camp is but that wouldn’t be the priority at all. She’d mention it a few times as camp Dean and they’d pray before meals (if kids didn’t want to partake that was entirely fine), but the main thing for the camp is to be able to feel less alone and gain some friendships through exy and religion just like she was. I love this idea sm and it is entirely based off a camp I went to when my dad got full custody of me that was entirely for kids in bad homes or in distaste/was in distaste and adopted.

I think Dan starts her own little league exy team and would take the team to the camp. I just don’t see her slipping out on letting her team go to a camp that’s p much CENTERED around Exy but also super fun and nice and also missing out of her friends.

I believe Allison would also work at camp with Renee bc she thinks that if there’s support at a younger age, kids won’t turn to drugs. When the camp isn’t open, She runs a non profit organization for helping families with struggling kids to work through finding ways to support them. (She would very clearly state she is not a psychologist but she does have a thing for helping people see things through their kids eyes and emotions) she runs a small fashion and clothes/accessories business that she uses for funding the non profit that allows for more people to have a chance at getting assistance through her or other programs. A lot of the kids she works with through her non profit go to Renee’s camp since she can send a majority of them through her business profit. The ones she doesn’t send have stated their stance on it and would rather not go. (Usually it was for it being too overstimulated and/or anxiety about being away from home or with a bunch of strangers).

I DEFINITELY want to believe that since Exy is one of the main topics of this camp, Kevin, Neil and the rest of team go visit for a few summers when they can. Matt would even save up his vacation days so he could go. It’s like a annual reunion with the team (Nicky would call and be on call with them every second he isn’t working or something if he can’t go back to the states to actually be there). All the kids that knew of exy previously would be jaw dropped that the entire team that beat the ravens were standing in front of them.

As for Seth, I think he didn’t cross over yk. I think he decided to stick it out until his found family was happy so he can say he’s seen them happy before he goes to the after life. I think he’s been with them since his death and the beginning broke him. Seeing Allison miserable and so broken. I guess he just wanted closure on their closure. Seeing everyone together and smiling as they played Exy with kids left him feeling genuine joy her never thought he would. They were still foxes, the disfunctional, and emotionally stunted college kids that he knew, but they were happy.

This doesn’t really fit into the the previously stated ones but I think when his old teammates going to interviews he fucks around behind them bc cmon. He would. He’s dead nobody’s gonna see him 😂 and always adds in his own two sense about the situation. He’s also joked several times about his death bc what’s gonna happen? Ghost therapy?

[mculibrary]

All You Need Is Love Challenge!

Love has been the topic of all forms of art throughout the ages; and for our first ever challenge, we’ve pulled together some favorites to inspire stories about our beloved MCU characters!

A very special thank you to all those who shared content that means a lot to them for us to include: @ozarkthedog​​, @thecornerlot​​, @wayward-blonde​​, @adorecevans​​, @a-little-counter-esperanto​​, and @sidepartskinnyjeans​​ - your help is so appreciated!

See below the cut for guidelines and prompts - we can’t wait to see what you do!

GUIDELINES

you do not have to follow us or be an author listed in the library to participate! all entries will be reblogged.

any character that has appeared in something from the mcu is fair game; this includes the netflix series characters and characters with cameos in recent movies!

you may choose up to three prompts - one from each section. beyond that, your setting, tropes, aus, etc are completely yours to control!

most prompts are framed around romantic love but you can take them in any direction you choose - fics about platonic love or familial love, for example, are more than welcome!

there is no cap on how many people can use a single prompt or how many times a character can be associated with a prompt; you do not need to message to claim any characters or prompts. just write your heart out!

given the library’s focus, this is a non-dark content challenge unless it’s content related to canon tropes for things like mafia aus (i.e. violence, crime, murder, etc) - in those cases, use your discretion for appropriate warnings!

both reader and oc fics are welcome. all pairings (or no pairing!) are also welcome, so long as they aren’t incestous or don’t pair underage characters with characters who are of age.

challenge end date: march 4. can’t finish by then? no worries! all submissions will be reblogged and added to the masterlist, but we will stop actively promoting the challenge after that date. we will also ask anyone who hasn’t already posted their entry to reach out to us after that date so we can keep track!

finally, be sure to tag us in your entries and include the tag “mcu all you need is love challenge” so we can find your fics for reblog. If you don’t see the fic reblogged after two days, please feel free to submit it as well!

PROMPTS

ARTWORK (titles are links)

watering flowers, wang xingwei

a foregone conclusion, lawrence alma tadema

untitled (perfect lovers), felix gonzalez-torres

a romance, santiago rusiñol

in bed, henri de toulouse-lautrec

le printemps (springtime), pierre-auguste cot

dance at series (l to r: bougival, country, or city), pierre-auguste renoir

the lovers ii, rene magritte

POETRY / QUOTATIONS / LITERATURE

“I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.” - love sonnet xi, pablo neruda

“The paper is full of every kind of blooming horror / And you sit wondering / what you're gonna do. / I got it. / Come. And be my baby.” - come, and be my baby, maya angelou

“I am not yours, not lost in you / Not lost, although I long to be” - i am not yours, sara teasdale

“I lean into the rhythm of your heart to see where it will take us. / We gallop into a warm, southern wind.” - for keeps, joy harjo

“I share my face with you / but love becomes a lie / as we suffer through split masks / seeking the other half-self.” - making it, audre lorde

“Don't leave now that you're here— / Stay. So the world may become like itself again.” - before you came, faiz ahmed faiz

“You cannot look in his eyes /Because your pulse must not say / What must not be said.” - to be in love, gwendolyn brooks

“We expect you, cat and I, bluebirds and I, the stove.” - dear one absent this long while, lisa olstein

“If equal affection cannot be, / Let the more loving one be me.” - the more loving one, w.h. Auden

“When love beckons to you, follow him, / Though his ways are hard and steep.” - on love, kahlil gibran

“In silence I have watched you / comb your hair. / Intimate the silence, / dim and warm.” - we have not long to love, tennesse williams

“my thoughts about you are frightening but precise/ I can see the house on the hill where we make our own vegetables out back / and drink warm wine out of jam jars / and sing songs in the kitchen until the sun comes up” - Sthandwa sami (my beloved, isiZulu), yrsa daley-ward

“love is more thicker than forget / more thinner than recall / more seldom than a wave is wet / more frequent than to fail” - "[love is more thicker than forget]", e.e. Cummings

“I’m a girl who’ll fall / damn near in love with gratitude and, well, he / was hot and generous and so the least/ that I could do was let him kiss me, hard / and soft and any way you want it” - bar napkin sonnet #11, moira egan

“She rolls her / eyes, but he’d once asked her / Am I your first lover? and she’d /  said, Could be. Your face looks / familiar.” - love explained, jennifer michael hecht

“Taste it once / And the spell of its enchantment / Will never let you be.”, a love song for lucinda, langston hughes

“Marriage is not / a house, or even a tent / it is before that, and colder: / the edge of the forest, the edge / of the desert” - habitation, margaret atwood

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” -- the alchemist, paulo coelho

“I fancied you’d return the way you said, / But I grow old and I forget your name. / (I think I made you up inside my head.)” - mad girl’s love song, sylvia plath

“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” — wuthering heights, emily bronte

”We loved with a love that was more than love.” — annabel lee, edgar allen poe

“You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways.” ― fight club, chuck palahniuk

“I will always seek to make it summer for you.”  ― rule of wolves, nikolai lantso

“Others may forget you, but not I. / I am haunted by your beautiful ghost.”, untitled, yamato hime no okimi

“As for life’s tragedies, our love will defeat them. Love is the most effective cure. In the crevices of disasters, happiness lies like a diamond in a mind, so let us instill in ourselves the wisdom of love.” - Naguib Mahfouz

"In love there are two things: bodies and words.” - Joyce Carol Oates

"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." - Elizabeth Gilbert

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time." - Maya Angelou

"Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

“I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

"There is always madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."– Friedrich Nietzsche

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” -- Anais Nin

MUSIC - find all songs on the playlist here!

1960s

unchained melody, the righteous brothers

say a little prayer, aretha franklin

i want to hold your hand, the beatles

be my baby, the ronettes

i was made to love her, stevie wonder

piece of my heart, erma franklin

i can’t help myself, the four tops

bring it on home to me, sam cooke

these arms of mine, otis redding

walking after midnight, patsy cline

1970s

let’s stay together, al green

waiting in vain, bob marley

how deep is your love, bee gees

three times a lady, commodores

maybe i’m amazed, wings

wonderful tonight, eric clapton

after the love has gone, earth, wind, and fire

ain’t no sunshine, bill withers

your song, elton john

the first time ever i saw your face, roberta flack

1980s

a groovy kind of love, phil collins

the sweetest taboo, sade

careless whisper, george michael

saving all my love for you, whitney houston

woman in love, barbara streisand

i want to know what love is, foreigner

making love out of nothing at all, air supply

ain’t nobody, chaka khan

total eclipse of the heart, bonnie tyler

we’ve got tonight, kenny rogers and sheena easton

1990s

damn i wish i was your lover, sophie b hawkins

kiss me, sixpence none the richer

i’ll be there for you/you’re all i need to get by, method man

end of the road, boyz ii men

truly madly deeply, savage garden

dreaming of you, selena

mary jane (all night long), mary j blige

iris, goo goo dolls

hey lover, ll cool j

where does my heart beat now, celine dion

2000s

somewhere only we know, keane

save room, john legend

the limit to your love, feist

untitled (how does it feel), d’angelo

diary, alicia keys

yellow, coldplay

she will be loved, maroon 5

home, edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros

pretty wings, maxwell

you and me, lifehouse

2010s/2020s

work song, hozier

light my love, greta van fleet

say it first, sam smith

slow dancing in the dark, joji

love on the brain, rihanna

little things, one direction

hold me while you wait, lewis capaldi

love galore, sza

what a time, julia michaels and niall horan

love., kendrick lamar

first love / late spring, mitski

right where you left me, taylor swift

i won’t give up, jason mraz

love drought, beyonce

leave the door open, silk sonic

as the world caves in, matt maltese

she said, dvsn

just give me a reason, pink and nate ruess

when we were young, adele

still don’t know my name, labrinth

[tuiccim]

Bucky Mine (Part 2)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader    

Word Count: 1024 (including song lyrics)

Warnings: Fluff, nightmares, mild smut 

A/N: Part two of the fic I wrote for the HBC’s @the-ss-horniest-book-club Drunk Drabbles / Divider by @firefly-graphics

Part One 

The morning after you sang Bucky to sleep you had awoken alone in the bed and, hearing Bucky in the shower, had slipped out of his room to do the same. You only saw him a couple of times in passing during the busy day that followed and he had avoided eye contact with you but you determined that you’d catch him alone that evening. 

You knocked on his door but there was no answer. It made you wonder if he was avoiding you, and then the next morning he was sent on mission with Sam. A week later they return but you decide to give him space after the tough mission. When you wake up with a start at 3 am, stomach in knots again, you know why and immediately head for your door. Swinging it open, you’re surprised to see Bucky standing there with hand lifted to knock. 

“Oh, hey,” you say. 

Bucky stammers “Hey, uh, sorry. I, um, was-”

“Had another nightmare?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Bucky looks down and shrugs. “What are you doing awake?”

“Why don’t you come in?” You move back to allow him entrance and when he stops awkwardly in the middle of the room, you take his hand and lead him to the bed. “Come on.”

“You sure?” Bucky asks. 

“Yeah, Buck, I’m sure,” You slide under the covers and hold your arms out to him. He positions himself next to you and wraps his arms around you, resting his head on your chest. 

“Will you sing the song, please?” 

“Of course,” you whisper. 

Smile tho' your heart is aching

Smile even tho' it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by

If you smile

Thro' your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shin-ing thro' for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide ev-'ry trace of sadness

Altho' a tear may be ever so near

That's the time

You must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worth-while

If you just smile

You sing through the song twice while running your hands through his hair and Bucky drifts off to sleep. You watch his face, the way his lashes rest on his cheeks, the tiny scar on his forehead, and the pout of his lips. He’s so beautiful and your heart glows as you smile down at him. You drift off to sleep enjoying the warmth of his body close to yours. 

Waking, your hands seek him out until you sit upright to find the bed and your room empty. You jump out of bed. No way in hell were you doing this again. Crossing to Bucky’s room, you knock and when there is no answer, you try the door. Bucky’s shower is running, so you sit on his bed and wait for him. 

When Bucky exits his bathroom in a tank and some low slung sweatpants, he stops short, “Hey.”

“Hey. Sleep okay?” you ask quietly.

“Uh, yeah.” Bucky rubs the back of his neck and has a tinge of pink in his cheeks.

“I think we need to talk,” you say pointedly. 

“Did I say something stupid again?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, last time I, uh, I kinda said, um…” Bucky falters. 

“You said, ‘Good night. Love you.’ I remember. I didn’t think it was stupid, though. I... I assumed you were remembering your mom,” you smile at him. 

Bucky stares at you silently to the point that you start to feel apprehensive. You pull your knees up to your chest and wrap your arms around them, “Did, did I say something wrong?” 

“No.” Bucky licks his lips as he looks down. When his brilliant blue eyes finally come back up to meet yours there is something indescribable in them. A heat and longing and something you don’t recognize. Or something you’re scared to acknowledge. He moves to the bed and stands over you. Your breath catches as you stare up at him. “I wasn’t.”

“What?” you tilt your head to study him. 

“I wasn’t remembering my mom. I… I was saying it to you.” Bucky stammers.

“You were?” you whisper in disbelief.

“Yeah. I mean… yeah. I understand if you don’t feel the same. I know I’m not-”

“Stop!” You scramble to your knees on the bed and reach out for him, grabbing handfuls of his shirt, “Stop, stop, stop. Whatever negative thing you’re about to say about yourself, stop. You are amazing. You’re wonderful and I do. I do feel the same.”

“You do?” Bucky’s hands come up to cup your face. 

“I do. I love you, too.” You smile at him. 

“Can I kiss you now? I’ve been dying to since I first saw you.” 

“Yes.” You pull him to you by the hold you have on his shirt and your lips meet. The kiss is sweet and gentle at first, but then hunger overtakes it and you open to him the moment his tongue requests entrance. You pull him down on top of you, scooting back on the bed and wrapping your arms and legs around him. In no time, clothes are discarded and his firm length presses home. Gasps and moans erupt between you until you both exclaim your releases. 

As you lay with his head on your chest afterward, Bucky looks up at you with a wistful expression, “I’m sorry I didn’t answer the door last night. I was…”

“You were avoiding me. It’s okay, Buck. I understand.”

“The first night. You called me ‘love’ at one point.”

“I did?” you look down at him. 

“Yeah. I liked it. It seemed so natural coming from you. Right.” Bucky meets your eyes, “I want to hear it for the rest of forever. You’ll be mine, won’t you?”

Your heart soars as you look at the beautiful, earnest expression on his face, “Yes, and you’ll be mine, love. Bucky Mine.”

“Sing it to me, please?” Bucky asks. 

“Of course, love.”

Bucky mine, don't you cry

Bucky mine, dry your eyes

Rest your head close to my heart

Never to part

Bucky of mine

Tuiccim’s Masterlist

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[perperam]

Do you have any Harlivy fic recommendations? Preferably something that is already completed?

OH I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

okay okay so quick little tangent fact !! I actually just finished my undergrad degree in "english literature analysis & writing" and reading fics is so fun bc I get to analyze them and break them down and if it's particularly well written the stars align and it's just UGH so good. 

ratings are: E (explicit) M (mature) T (teens and up) and G (everyone) anyways here is a HUGE list of my favorite fics to date, their stats/details/plots, reasonings as to why they're on the list to begin with, and a short analysis:

SHORT STORIES (less than 30k words)

for your convenience they’re in order of length bc I’m focusing on this super hard rn

KISS YOUR BEST FRIEND CHALLENGE (T)  STATS — 340 words, shenanigans, fluff PLOT — Harley, TikTok and general Social Media queen, decides to do the trending challenge to kiss your best friend. The best friend? Her roommate and the woman she’s been crushing on for fucking ever: Poison Ivy.

AM I TOO CLOSE? (CAUSE YOU FOLD INTO ME LIKE A HEART WITH A BEAT) (G) STATS — 839 words, fluff, shenanigans PLOT — Harley genuinely wasn’t looking for trouble, but it’s hard to just have a day out when you’re one of Gotham’s most wanted. Running into Ivy, she takes drastic measures (and her hoodie into the mix) to distract the police from looking in their direction.

I’M HOME (G) STATS — 892 words, domestic fluff PLOT — After a long and rough day at work, Ivy comes home to Harley. Relaying the details of her day, she basks in the comfort of her girlfriend, who provides gentle questions and is a phenomenal listener. General cuteness.

CONFLICT DIAMONDS (G) STATS — 990 words, wedding shenanigans, banter, humor PLOT — Batman and Renee Montoya respond to a break-in at a jewelry store, except even though the owner is duct-taped to the wall, it isn’t really a break-in; Harley’s just trying to shop for a ring for Ivy, and that’s difficult to do when the owner is screaming in the corner. Batman and Renee both pitch in to help pick something nice for Harley’s girl, resulting in hilarious banter.

OF COURSE (T) STATS — 1.1k words, hurt/comfort (kinda), harley quinn animated tv show centric PLOT — In the aftermath of Ivy’s death, rebirth, and the fall of Joker Tower, Harley collapses onto the ground. Since she never mentioned that her parents are the reason for most of her injuries, Ivy isn’t sure why she’s so out of it.

PERFECT MORNINGS (T) STATS — 1.1k words, domestic fluff/bliss PLOT — Ivy, who usually wakes up early and before Harley, takes a moment to look at the countless muscles, ridges, scars, and tattoos on Harley’s body as she sleeps. General cuteness.

I’D LOVE TO CHECK YOU OUT (T) STATS — 1.7k words, university au, fluff PLOT — Harley visits the library virtually every day, and it’s definitely not because she needs to work on her university courses and homework. She finally works up the courage to speak to the alluring redhead she sees there every day while absentmindedly looking at a book on sharks. 

I’LL LOVE YOU IN THE MORNING (NOON, NIGHT) (T) STATS — 2.1k words, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — A snapshot look into Ivy and how she comes to know, care, and love all the sides of Harley—from psychiatrist to criminal to girlfriend. She loves her throughout it all. 

DAY-DREAMING (T) STATS — 2.2k words, shenanigans, psychiatrist Harleen PLOT — Ivy’s falling for her psychiatrist—her humorous, intelligent, caring, and downright gorgeous psychiatrist. It’s difficult, to say the least.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THEMYSCIRA (DOESN’T) STAY IN THEMYSCIRA (T) STATS — 2.3k words, humor, wedding shenanigans, angst with a happy ending PLOT — In a surprise twist of events, Harley and Ivy were drunkenly married at Themyscira. When asked at the wedding if anybody had objections to the union of Ivy and Chuck, Wonder Woman and the Queen of Themyscira herself come to object. Ivy, for lack of a better word, wants to die a little.

NOT A ROCKER CHICK (T) STATS — 3.1k words, rock band au, fluff PLOT — The last thing Ivy wants to do is go to a rock band concert with her best friend, Selina. Despite her best efforts, she can’t help but completely fall into the rhythm of the band and their music, so different than her own norm. And okay, maybe the singer (who Selina was friends with and called “Harley”) was also kinda hot...

A TENDER HEART AMONG THE GREEN (T) STATS — 3.2k words, gotham city sirens raise Lucy au, domestic bliss PLOT — Harley and Selina come back home to the apartment to find Ivy passed out asleep with Lucy cuddling into the crook of her neck and Selina’s cats cuddling her legs. Knowing that Ivy would rather be caught dead than in such a compromising situation (after all, she is the Poison Ivy, who “hates humans”) the two take a photo, since it lasts longer. Shenanigans and cuteness ensue.

BUILDING YOUR GIRL’S SECOND STORY (M) STATS — 3.3k words, university/grad school au, angst with a happy ending PLOT — Snapshots of Harley’s battle with her violent and abusive boyfriend, Jack, and the way in which Bruce, his boyfriend Clark, and her best friend (and potentially lover) Pamela all love Harley and will do anything, anything, to make sure she gets the help, care, and love she needs.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF NORMAL (T) STATS — 3.6k words, coronavirus pandemic/quarantine au, family au PLOT — Ivy is requested by the Justice League to help create and manufacture a vaccine for the COVID-19 virus. As she works on the vaccine, she video calls Harley and their daughter Lucy, both of whom miss her very much. 

RABBIT IN THE GARDEN (T) STATS — 4.4k words, implied suicide attempt, hard angst PLOT — Winters are difficult to Ivy. When Harley comes home one day to see her submerged fully in water in the bathtub, the only thing Harley can do is cry and take her out. Ultimately Ivy is alright—but it doesn’t make it any easier.

WE WILL BE (EVERYTHING THAT WE’D EVER NEED) (T) STATS — 5.8k words, high school au, angst, hurt/comfort PLOT — Harley and Ivy are best friends from high school, living in the middle of Arizona. Ivy is absolutely head over heels for Harley, but the latter is in a growing and increasingly abusive relationship with the older “bad-boy” (literally) Jack. Eventually, the two grow together in more ways than one.  

WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS (EXCEPT NO DOGS DIE) (M) STATS — 9.7k words, domestic bliss, no powers just botanist & psychiatrist au PLOT — After her abusive ex-boyfriend tries to maniacally tear down the front door of her apartment with an ax as her best friend, Selina, pushes the table against the splintering wood, Bruce recommends that Harley gets a dog. She gets two German Shepard brothers—Bud and Lou—who lead her one day on their walk to the most beautiful flower shop owner Harley’s ever seen. The story of Harley and Ivy, told with Bud and Lou present to witness every moment.

THE MOMENT I AWAKEN GHOSTS (T) STATS — 11.7k words, falling in love, feelings & realizations PLOT — A deep look into Ivy’s feelings and how they evolve from general hatred against Harleen the psychiatrist at Arkham to a blooming, kind and gentle love towards Harley Quinn, the crown jester of crime. 

HARLEQUIN’S ISLE (T) STATS — 17.5k words, hurt/comfort, happy ending, shenanigans, humor PLOT — Harley and Ivy decide to go on a vacation on Bruce Wayne’s new eco-friendly plane, but in a surprise twist of events, things go terribly wrong, Ivy falls out of the plane, and the two (as well as all the other rich and wealthy big-name CEOS on the plane) get stranded on an island with someone actively trying to rob the investors. Harley and Ivy will fight them, god damn it, because they deserve this vacation and they will have it.

LONGER STORIES (30k words to 100k words)

YOUR LOVE (DÉJÀ VU) (G) STATS — 33k words, slow burn, mild angst, canon divergence PLOT — A what-if-Harley-found-Ivy-first fic, YOUR LOVE wonderfully illustrates Dr. Harleen Quinzel treating Ivy in a wonderfully humane and kind way, including learning floriography, the language of flowers, in order to better relate to her. Ivy is taken aback by her doctor's genuine care and begins to develop feelings, all the while Harleen falls hard and fast which wholly confuses and frightens her. The one caveat is that while this is happening, Harleen is also treating the Joker as well, who tries (keyword: tries) to manipulate her. Ivy and Harley dance a timid tango around one another as they try to navigate this new playing field of romantic feelings for one another, and things come to a breaking point when Harleen realizes that, perhaps, all of her patients have a point and that the real villains are not the ones inside the asylum, but rather the ones running it. FAVORITE DETAILS — I just love the way this is written. It provides a wonderful and almost skinny-love like romance (except this takes place in an insane asylum) as Harleen and Ivy both try to understand their strong feelings for one another. The way in which the rogues and other inmates/patients all look out for one another was very heartwarming, and Waylon and Eddie's thinly veiled camaraderie with Ivy—and her thinly veiled appreciation for it—were both lovely and created a really warm environment. It really underlined why Harley loved them because you love them too in the process, and see how she reaches her breaking point.  CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harley, as she is in all of my favorite fics, is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and talented psychiatrist. Her caring nature is wonderfully outlined in this fic as she helps Waylon, Eddie, Ivy, and everybody else in the asylum be treated with genuine respect and care, going as far as to get them personalized gifts. Her psyche fracturing slowly never once makes her seem unintelligent to the reader, even as she actively places a ditz persona in order to fool the rest of the asylum staff (and the Joker). Ivy, on the other hand, is illustrated in a way that perfectly shows how all she genuinely needed was someone to listen. She's sometimes harsh and crass but you can see how she begins to soften as Harley helps her and treats her with: you guessed it, genuine respect. FINAL VERDICT — I would get this tattooed on my ass if I could

NOVEL LENGTH WORKS (100k+ words)

ACROSS THE WAY (M) STATS — 128.7k words, slow-burn, tattoo artist & flower shop owner au  PLOT — Botanist and flower shop owner Pamela Isley moves to Gotham from Seattle in search of a new life. Her shop is located directly next to a tattoo shop—one that is incredibly loud and bothersome. Upon walking in to give the shop a piece of her mind, she meets one of the resident artsits, Harley Quinzel, and cannot get her out of her mind. The two become best friends, and feelings slowly start to develop. On a night when Harley is most vulnerable and in need of a place to escape, Pam offers her apartment as a refuge, and from that point on things are never the same again (in the best way possible).  FAVORITE DETAILS — The SIT sessions were a wonderful touch and I loved seeing the recovery of both Ivy and Harley, because it was so real. I also loved how once Harley got out, she did everything in her power to protect both herself and Ivy from Jack, and we got to see her and Ivy grow into their wonderful, healthy romance. CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — I love how all of the characters are illustrated; Selina, who is the caring best friend and genuinely does her best to help others around her all the while being her cocky, usual self. Pam, who escaped Seattle and started anew in Gotham and is the crass botanist and also the insanely kind and caring lover. Barbara is the adorable coffee shop owner, Floyd is the caring figure for Harley that she never had, and everyone is just wonderful.  FINAL VERDICT — literally go read this rn, what are you even doing

MAD LOVE: THE BEGINNING & MAD LOVE: THE FINAL CHAPTER (M) STATS — nearly 400k words total, angst, canon divergence, domestic fluff, slice of life PLOT — imagine YOUR LOVE except this is much longer, much more heart-wrenching, a whole lot more angsty, and Harleen's break with Harley is a lot more prevalent. Another what-if scenario of Dr. Harleen Quinzel meeting and treating the illusive Poison Ivy instead of the Joker, MAD LOVE shows an interesting depiction of the way they manipulate, hurt, care, and love one another. The entire story is riddled with well placed metaphors, recurring themes, and both Ivy and Harley's characters are illustrated in the most complex and interesting way. All throughout both the initial and the sequel, Ivy and Harleen play a metaphorical chess game in manipulation as a means to gain the upper-hand on the other, which creates a dangerous foundation for their following love story. In the sequel, "The Final Chapter," the story starts with Harley and Ivy—already married near the end of "A New Beginning"—having two kids and the entire piece spans over Harley's lifetime until she's on her deathbed, with Ivy still stuck at 33 years old beside her. I personally stopped reading the story after Harley died (I was too emotionally vulnerable to continue on) but if you continue reading on, you get to see Ivy move on and appreciate Harley's impact on her life as she finds love and happiness again after the loss of her wife. FAVORITE DETAILS — We get insight into both Ivy and Harleen's trauma, and how not everything can be fixed with love. Neither Harleen nor Ivy (or their actions for that matter) are characterized as perfect in any way, and the story never excuses any of their more-than-questionable actions; in fact they make MANY mistakes and manipulate one another throughout the story, and both have power over the other (Harleen is her psychiatrist, but Ivy could easily kill her, so emotional power over someone with immense physical power). CHARACTER DEPICTIONS — Harleen is depicted as an incredibly intelligent and capable psychiatrist, and the story somehow wonderfully mixes Harley's desire for violent chaos with Harleen's desire to help others. v Ivy is illustrated as the epitome of "I hate you and will not be nice unless you're literally either my wife or kids." She is seldom kind to others, is often crass, but an entire softy when it comes to Harleen and their children. She's a hard worker and is heavily involved in her research. Harleen, on the other hand, is equally cunning but more lighthearted, extremely athletic and active, the "fun" mom, and less into power trips (unless it's about Ivy). FINAL VERDICT — definitely the most interesting fics I've ever read in my entire fucking life, it's so complex and wonderful and a literal minefield of analysis worthy literature, I'd also get this tattooed on my ass if I could

[xena-wolfgang]

I thought I would update my story list to include everything I have on my AO3 account (and not just my Harry Styles fics). hopefully the writing bug will bite again and i'll have something new written at some point.

At The Opera (Tom Hiddleston) Tom takes Marie out to the opera, but minds and hands wander while they enjoy the show (M rating, 1175 words, pub. 2015)

The Crow: Lament (Tom Hiddleston, The Crow) Tom returns from the land of the dead to take vengeance on the men who killed him and his fiancée (M rating, 12,044 words, pub 2015) (i want to note this story does contain violence, major character death, as well as mentions of rape)

The Guest (Tom Hiddleston, Loki) Meredith is visiting Asgard and gets more than she expected. (M rating, 2400 words, pub 2015)

Punish Me (Tom Hiddleston) Renee likes to play games, and Tom is more than happy to comply (E rating, 1754 words, pub 2015)

Of Heaven and Earth (Supernatural) Dean and Sam come across a girl who appears to need their help, but they quickly learn that there's more to her than they thought. (M rating, 18953 words-unfinished, pub 2018) (honestly, i'm not sure this will ever get finished, but it does haunt me so it's possible one day a miracle will happen)

A Long Time Coming (Supernatural) Dean and Cas find themselves alone for the first time in a long time, and Cas decides it's now or never. (E rating, 3462 words, pub 2018)

AFTER PARTY (Harry Styles) A bit of smut after a concert. (E rating, 1687 words, pub 2018)

a bit of lace (Harry Styles) harry and his girlfriend delve a bit into some of their fantasies (E rating, 3551 words, pub 2019)

in need of touch, version 1 (Harry Styles) it's been a long time since harry has been with someone, and not wanting to risk what could happen if he chooses an over zealous fan he decides to hire a call girl (E rating, 3525 words, pub 2019)

in need of touch-version 2 (Harry Styles) it's been nearly a year since harry has had sex and he's desperate for the touch of another man (E rating, 2352, pub 2019) (the idea behind both versions of 'in need of touch' is the same, and the first paragraph is very similar, but they are different stories overall)

"well, on a good day...." (Harry Styles) this is based on my favorite joke, and involves Harry in a kilt and some lipstick (E rating, 1108 words, 2019)

The Hallway (Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin) It's been a long time since Sirius and Remus have been together, and the stolen moments they have had in 12 Gimmauld Place just hasn't been enough. This is what happens when they finally have some time together alone. (M rating, 1511 words, pub 2020)

Favorite Room (Harry Styles) Harry and his girlfriend LisaMarie have been "breaking in" their new home, and there's only one room left. (E rating, 3106 words, pub 2020)

Snowed In (Harry Styles) Harry helps his friend check on her parents remote cabin and they find themselves snowed in, and there's only one bed! what are two friends harboring crushes on each other going to do? (E rating, 4340 words, pub 2021)

The Dream (Harry Styles) Harry takes a break between promo interviews to give his girlfriend some pleasure. (E rating, 1125 words, pub 2021)

Confession (Harry Styles) Priest Harry Styles is a teacher at a Catholic Boarding School for girls, and one of his students has made it clear that she lusts after him. Will her latest confession tip him over the edge? (M rating, 2742 words, pub 2021) *new*

[aegor-bamfsteel]

I had this fic idea where: Calla, Haegon, their mother and youngest siblings didn't escape and they were taken as hostages in the Red Keep. Calla kind of ends up "playing the game" and trying to forge a better life for her mom and siblings while trying to overcome her trauma of losing her brothers and dead, her anxiety over Daemon II not being around and not having any contact with him and Haegon most likely going to the faith. And she also has survivors guilt. Basically this is a "Calla plays the game while trying to survive" (this includes her glaring at BR and lowkey planning his death, finding Matarys endearing because he's actually fairly nice and so is his brother/dad, she also looks like her mom. OH AND SHE DYES HER HAIR QUITE OFTEN)

Basically my question was: how much would have changed if Calla, Haegon and their mom and younger siblings didn't get to escape?

That’s a really interesting, elaborate fic idea, dearxstorm! If you end up writing it, make sure to link me and I’ll write a comment! Calla has the potential to be an interesting character, and your characterization of her in the prompt sort of lines up with my own (having the Sweetness hiding Steel personality); I like the idea of a psychological story of her dealing with the loss of her family while trapped in a court that hates her at best. I also like your headcanon that she dyes her hair, because it’s a physical identification with her mother’s people; all too often, in asoiaf as in other works of fantasy, the heroes of noble families identify more with their father’s house at the expense of their mother’s (the young Starks identify more with their father’s house to a lesser degree than the others, but even the young Greyjoys are krakens rather than Harlaws, the young Martells don’t consider themselves half-Norvosi, forget about Aegon V + siblings identifying themselves as something other than the blood of the dragon), and it’s the villains that tend to include parts of their mother’s heritage (the Baratheons of king’s landing include a lion in their sigil, the Greens from the Dance of Dragons owed their initial success to their Hightower mother). In addition, Essosi women are almost to a woman treated horribly in Westeros; divorced (Mellario, Larra), exiled (Rohanne), or tortured and killed (Mysaria, Tyanna, Serala, Serenei), so it’s great you decided to single out Rohanne’s Essosi influence on her children as something neutral to positive.

As for your question about what would happen if Calla+family didn’t manage to escape, I asked warsofasoiaf about it years ago; his response that Bl00draven would’ve had them all killed, while certainly in-character (his consistent character trait is harming boys to accomplish his goals), isn’t particularly satisfying for writing a fanfic with these characters. We see Da3ron II took lands and hostages from those who knelt; Lord Bracken’s son died during the Great Spring Sickness, perhaps as a hostage in King’s Landing; Eustace Osgrey’s daughter and only heir Alysanne was sent to the Silent Sisters at age 7, while Standfast went from a prominent lordly house to one of landed knights. Daemon’s lands and titles were likely under attainder, being of fairly recent creation. In Westeros, killing (mostly male heirs) or sending to the Faith (more likely female heirs) the child rivals to one’s lordly power seems to be the norm (most infamously Aegon and Rhaenys Targaryen on Tywin’s orders, but also Cerelle Lannister by her uncle Gerold, Rohanne and Cerelle Tarbeck were sent to the Silent Sisters and Rohanne’s young son was likely murdered during the Reyne Rebellion, the extermination of Houses Darklyn and Hollard bar one after the Defiance of Duskendale). So I tried to look at examples from medieval history to see if I could save the younger Blackfyre boys:

As much grief as I give GRRM for not being historically accurate while claiming he’s true to life, the gendered fate of young male and female rivals who were captured seems to pass muster: with boys usually being killed or “disappeared” (Arthur of Brittany was imprisoned then murdered by his uncle King John of England, the Princes in the Tower mysteriously vanished with the prime suspect as their uncle Richard III) and girls either imprisoned (Arthur’s sister Eleanor was imprisoned for 44 years until her death by her uncle John and cousin Henry), forced into a convent (Gwenllian Princess of Wales by Edward I, Joanna la Beltraneja was given a choice between this or marrying her infant cousin Juan by his mother Isabella of Castile), or married to steal their lands/unite claims (Arthur’s mother Constance was betrothed to his father from age 5 after her brother was forcibly disinherited from the duchy of Brittany, and I’m still not sure what happened to him; Eleanor de Montfort was eventually married to Llewellyn of Wales after she was captured and imprisoned by the English). 

I think the best hope for the Blackfyre boys is for them be rescued and taken to Tyrosh (although Bl00draven would probably try to separate them to prevent all of them taken at once). 

A longer-term option is for Rohanne’s relatives in Tyrosh to try to negotiate their release, probably with a solemn oath never to return to Westeros (happened with the Charles VII’s cousin Charles Duke of Orleans who spent 25 years in various English prisons after his capture by the English at Agincourt until his old rivals the Burgundians negotiated his release; Amaury de Montfort, despite having taken holy vows, was captured along with his sister Eleanor and only by swearing never to return to England and the Pope plus Llewellyn intervening was he released).

Failing that, maybe Baelor Breakspear could try to go ‘the Dontos Hollard route’, asking for clemency out of the boys’ age/birth, and sending them to King’s Landing as squires, and probably make sure they don’t return to their old lands. I doubt they’d be allowed to wed, but I suppose Rohanne could petition for a restoration of Daemon’s old lands to House Blackfyre (as Anne Scott managed to save her lands from her husband Duke James’ attainder after the Monmouth rebellion, and her two surviving sons by him were able to marry and inherit and were loyal to the crown), and they could be wed into a loyal Red house of Da3ron’s choosing; it’d be her grandchildren inheriting these lands (Elizabeth I imprisoned her cousin Katherine Grey for the rest of her life for secretly marrying and had her separated from her two sons, but they were allowed to marry and her grandson became the next Duke of Somerset, despite his family reputation). Not Daemon II if he’s been captured with the others, but possibly Aenys. I’m not saying this is a likely scenario considering the characterization of Bl00draven and the actions of Da3ron II to the other children of rebels, but it’s a kinder solution that maybe Baelor might come up with.

I don’t imagine that these boys will be sent to the Faith, but rather the Night’s Watch seems to be the place for defeated rebels/men sentenced to death; so in all likelihood at least the elder ones could be sent to the Night’s Watch once they’re old enough. Westeros as well as medieval history has shown how easy it could be to take someone from a convent/monastery and use them to take their lands/incite a rebellion (Robar abducting Rhaella from the Faith; Marie of Boulogne was abducted from her convent by Matthew of Alsace to forcibly marry him to steal her lands), plus these vows can be undone (at least in medieval Italy, where sometimes cardinals had to leave the Church to get married to continue their family line; it’s implied in the sentences of Lucinda and Priscella that septas can break their vows) so I think at least the elder ones would not be allowed.

The Blackfyre girls have a higher chance of not being murdered. The worst case-scenario that I could unfortunately see happening is sending them to the Silent Sisters along with poor Alysanne Osgrey, which seems to happen to the most dangerous of noblewomen (rebel queen Marla Sunderland, sasser-of-kings Maris Baratheon, Ellyn Reyne’s daughters Rohanne and Cerelle), all potential heiresses for another rebellion (not likely with so many brothers, but if they manage to escape and another uprising coalesces around them who knows). Another option would be to the Faith to be septas, which happened to more minor noblewomen men wanted out of the way (Rhaella and Megette’s daughters for their “inconvenient birth”, Lucinda Penrose and Priscella Hogg for their roles in the plot to kill Daenaera). 

A particularly painful scenario would be confining them in the Maidenvault until/if a new king decides to release them as their grandmother Daena was. Considering that the next king is Aerys, I doubt they would be released (like Eleanor of Brittany) or marry

It seems not uncommon in Westeros for an ambitious man to marry an heiress of the previous ruler to become suo jure lord of her lands (Tyrek Lannister’s marriage to the infant Lady Ermesande Hayford, Dickon Tarly’s marriage to Eleanor Mooton, Lancel’s marriage to Amerei Frey to steal Darry, and most famously Orys Baratheon’s forcible marriage to Argella Durrandon). The problem with doing this in regards to the Blackfyre girls is that considering their father’s lands are probably under attainder, they don’t have lands to inherit, much less a dowry. Of course, Rohanne could try to petition for a creation of new lands, possibly in exchange for giving up their claim to the throne (Princess Renee of France gave up her claim to the duchy of Brittany in exchange for being made duchess of Chartres by King Francis I, so she could finally be allowed to marry). Another idea would be to send them abroad for matches to Essosi cities the Reds have ties to, such as Lys and Pentos. In a happy scenario, the Blackfyre girls were allowed to marry with permission; to show that Da3ron is serious about healing the realm, he or Baelor could betrothe Calla and Matarys (not expected to inherit the throne; your prompt said they were getting along!). What happens after his death in the Great Spring Sickness is anyone’s guess.

In the edgy scenario, the girls marry without permission, possibly to a Velaryon descendant of Baela’s (just going by my theory of at least some Velaryons as Blackfyre supporters); it seems in medieval England that some potential female claimants to the crown did marry secretly to men with more distant claims (Lady Katherine Grey as mentioned before, but also Lady Arabella Stuart two generations later, to Grey’s own grandson), thus frustrating the desires of their monarchs to marry them abroad. Sometimes they were able to escape their captors and raise their children in exile, eventually allowed to return to their home country; the most famous of these was Margaret Beaufort and her son Henry, who later won the English throne by right of conquest with weak dynastic claim.

A lot of these scenarios ignore the canonical cruelty of Bl00draven and the vindictiveness of Da3ron with regards to the Blackfyres and their supporters; I don’t imagine that they would show mercy to the defeated rebels, and warsofasoiaf’s scenario that they would all be secretly murdered is definitely a possibility. They also ignore Rohanne’s characterization (such that it is) of a take-charge noblewoman who was in my opinion unquestionably a pro-Blackfyre rebel that used her money and influence in Tyrosh to provide a home for the exiles and orchestrated their escape (the idea that Aegor Rivers helped Rohanne escape to her own country seems to diminish her achievements); I don’t think she would be asking the Targaryens for any favors, considering in canon she knew them well enough that she preferred to flee than surrender to the House that gave Bl00draven high office. Barring the “Bl00draven kills them all” scenario, I don’t think she would be executed due to her sex and that she’s from foreign nobility (especially if her male relative was still Archon), but we have no idea if the Faith is an option for her (did she convert? Considering the characterization of GRRM’s other Essosi women as holding to their homeland’s traditions, I doubt it); it’s likely to me she would be separated from her children, who would be governed by Red supporters (maybe if Rhaena is still alive, she could coach the girls?), an emotionally hard punishment for her (considering all of her canonical actions involve her children, it seems she loved them very much). It’s possible she might be sent back to Tyrosh as a gesture of goodwill to her family, after some years of confinement; or she could be sent to a remote location, like Cassandra Baratheon upon a forced marriage to Walter Brownhill.

tl;dr If the Blackfyres and Rohanne aren’t going to be murdered after being captured: the boys would likely go to the Night’s Watch once old enough, or imprisoned in the Red Keep and married under ideal conditions; the girls might go to the Faith, imprisoned in the Maidenvault, married off to non-Tyroshi Essosi, or secretly married; Rohanne would likely be briefly imprisoned, separated from her children, and either sent to the remote countryside or Tyrosh. What happens to them depends on how merciful the Reds are feeling, and how much of a risk they deem them to be. Just expect that if someone leads a rebellion in their name, for the boys to die. 

[xlady-saya]

I want this touch to be familiar [fic]

Relationships: andrew/neil, side aaron/katelyn

Summary: Deep down, Andrew knew he would always reach this crossroads, a time where the thought became too strong to ignore.

Going all the way with Neil. It's not something he can continue to avoid thinking about. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil's hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he's forced to acknowledge how much he's allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

But that’s not all there is to it, and the desire to make a decision finally makes itself known.

Tags: first time fic, p*rn with feelings, relationship study, fluff and communication, multichapter 

Read on ao3! 

They're having a movie night when the idea sinks its hooks into Andrew's brain. He’s not blaming the Foxes, but their bad choices in films is the catalyst to a milestone Andrew didn’t think he’d have to deal with so soon.

In a swift motion, he brings the hand that's not on Neil's thigh to itch at the back of his own skull, unsettled. He almost thinks he should ban himself from these get togethers, if only to avoid these ideas from taking root. Though, if he's being more honest with himself for once, he'll admit it's not the first time it crossed his mind.

It's possible that's the problem entirely.

No, this idea is more comparable to a mosquito, swarming around in his head and beating against the grooves at random points in the day. It's so powerful, so persistent, it's like this one mosquito is a whole swarm, poking around the ridges in an indecisive process to figure out where it finally wants to dig in.

The movie night is just the point in which it finally latches on and doesn't let go.

It's a predictable action film; Andrew doesn't understand why every director in Hollywood keeps trying to recreate James Bond, but he stopped caring about the movie two minutes in. Neil is boneless and relaxed from the shower they shared after practice, fingers drumming beats against Andrew's wrists while his brow furrows at the film. It has enough explosions and suspense to keep Neil somewhat entertained, though Andrew suspects the focus is mostly due to Neil trying to pick apart the inaccuracies of it all.

Most of the time, Neil ends up staring at Andrew for a majority of the film. Andrew finds it easier to not mind in the darkness, where he can feel the brightness in Neil's eyes instead of actually seeing it.

Essentially, this is the only reason he comes to movie nights.

He's almost at the point where he's ready to ignore the thing completely, along with the Foxes’ scathing commentary, but then the scene comes on.

It's not hard to see coming, but as crude and rough as the Foxes are, their movies don't often include sex scenes. Andrew isn't usually bothered by this type of thing, but it does nothing for him. He's neither repulsed or intrigued; the man isn't his type (or Neil, his brain says, unhelpfully), and the scene isn't aggressive enough to feel like assault.

No anger or heat surges under his skin as the slow orchestra plays, the woman's dress falling to the floor in what he's sure is supposed to be a good shot but has been so overdone it's pointless. Suddenly there's skin, and chests, and the actress' loud gasps turn into louder moans.

It's obnoxious, how fake it sounds, the camera angle cutting to show just enough in between movements.

"Ughhh," Nicky groans, and Allison turns to give him a look. Nicky sags in his chair even further just to spite her, almost falling out of it. "Why do they always do this? I don't need to see two straight white people suck face and bone in every movie! What is this doing for the plot?"

Aaron's head perks up, and he pauses his mid mouthful of those stupid chips Katelyn got him. "What's wrong with straight white people?"

"Everything."

Matt raises his third beer of the night. "Cheers bro, I'll drink to that."

Aaron looks to the wall, as if it will offer him anything better than his current company.

Andrew's eyes fly back to the television, right at the moment the hero slots himself between the actress' legs.

The swarm in his head digs in.

Andrew's hands tighten in the couch cushion, but he keeps the hand on Neil's thigh steady so he won't notice. Neil can be so perceptive when he wants to be, when it comes to Andrew specifically. It's infuriating, sometimes. Andrew never asked to be known so well, yet here they are.

Neil cracks a smile at Nicky and Aaron's fighting, more fond of it now than anything, and Andrew tracks the curve of it with his eyes. On screen, the spy starts thrusting.

"It's romantic!" Allison counters Nicky's claims, and he chucks a pillow at her with a surprising amount of force. Some of the feathers float out.

"They met not even a day ago!"

Aaron's chips are forgotten, which is about as serious as his brother gets nowadays. "I think you've hooked up with dudes you've met within an hour, you asshole."

"This ain't about me."

It's at this point Neil decides to speak, his brow arching in a way Andrew is pretty sure he didn't do prior to starting their this. Andrew's eyes fly up to catch it, and he realizes he'd been admiring the slope of Neil's neck, the discoloration where his hair meets his nape. "Honestly Nicky, what right do you have to talk about plot? Didn't you make us watch that terrible beach movie last week just because you liked the actor?"

Off to the side, where they're trying to become siamese twins, Dan and Matt chime in with some 'ooo's and air horn noises. They’re loud enough to startle Kevin from whatever he’s texting Thea about, and Allison’s cackle follows. Renee’s smile has a slight sharpness to it, the evillest she can look nowadays.

Andrew can't be bothered by the antics; his focus keeps returning to the movie, and the fact is nearly enough to startle him. But he stays still, calm, and doesn't give anything away. It's the best defense he has for the war about to rage inside him. His mind, two seconds from overdrive.

"Et tu Neil?" Nicky sniffs, and then the actress has some kind of orgasm, since she makes a noise akin to a dying bird.

And, because when is it ever about the love interest, the man keeps going, chasing his own release. Andrew's throat feels scratchy.

Andrew spares a look at Neil's face, and finds the striker's attention divided between the screen and Nicky's ramblings. Andrew doesn't care about whatever Neil says in return, he's too set on the slide of Neil's tongue over his bottom lip, the heat of his skin under his palm. Andrew moves his hand more towards Neil's inner thigh, and his breath hitches when Neil's legs widen on instinct for him.

The idiot isn't even aware of it.

Andrew would only need to slide his hand deeper to graze the place where he and Neil could be connected, as close as they can get. He'd be able to work Neil open, savor the twitch of Neil's hips.

Neil is mouthy enough in bed with how they do things now. Would he be louder? Uncontained?

Andrew allows himself to watch the rest of the scene play out on screen, the two rehearsed 'rough' thrusts, the groan of pleasure. But this time, it's hard to be disinterested. It's hard to not let his mind, so gifted with spinning fantasies on account of his cursed memory, put him in the spy's place.

What would Neil feel like, he wonders. Tight and warm probably, strong legs locking around Andrew's hips until his ankles are crossed and knocking against his lower back. Neil can get so greedy sometimes, even with his obnoxiously high consideration for Andrew's boundaries. When he's allowed to take, he's desperate about it.

Would Neil let him go that far? No, would he want to?

Does he want--

Andrew stops the train of thought there, but doesn't cut the journey short. He has no choice but to be stuck here now, and thus, Andrew can no longer swat the idea away like the pest it is.

Going all the way with Neil. It's not something he could avoid thinking about after a certain point. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil's hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he's forced to acknowledge how much he's allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

Bile rises in his throat on instinct, and he squashes it down. Sex with Neil is not something he needs to feel terrible about, and he doesn't. It feels the opposite of terrible, and Andrew hasn't worked through all those troublesome thoughts yet. He can't pin a label to it.

He remembers when jerking off in the shower, mouth pressed to Neil's, had felt like a huge thing to give. Now it wouldn't be enough.

Neil touches him now, Andrew asks him to touch. He's used to Neil's weight on top of him and his hands sliding suggestively over his abs, his biceps. His hands are used to resting comfortably over the curve of Neil's ass, grinding against him.

And it hasn’t stopped there. He's had Neil's mouth on him, his blue eyes on every part of him as the striker sucked him off after a particularly good game.

Andrew had shut down the goal, and the look in Neil's eyes had made him feel far too much. Overwhelming, dizzying.

So they'd taken the next step, not without hiccups, not without caution, but they'd done it.

And that's the thing with Neil; once they cross a certain line, it's a snowball effect. They're incapable of going back.

Neil blew him then for the first time and suddenly Andrew couldn't get the image out of his head, Neil's lips around his cock, trying to adjust to get the best reactions out of Andrew, to make it feel good.

Neil, so stupidly determined about everything he does.

And Andrew, the fool he is, got used to it. He never expected it, because routine was not a yes, and some days he preferred to not be touched at all.

But now, when Neil sinks to his knees or asks to jerk Andrew off, the initial anxiety Andrew might've felt months prior isn't there. It's been burned away into something more concerning, addictive.

Because Neil will stop if he needs him to.

So, Andrew let go, and the floodgates opened.

Shared handjobs turned into frequent blowjobs, which turned into heavy petting without clothes. Andrew feels stripped down, raw, with how much trust he's given this single person.

Every now and again, he searches deep in his soul for some ounce of disgust, regret for any of it, and it makes him angry to find none.

The only thing that does make him angry is how good it feels, a natural reaction Andrew can’t just drop cold turkey. Yet, his body doesn't just enjoy the progressions he and Neil have made together, so does his mind.

Again, he derails the train there, not willing to admit it, and returns to the thought of plowing Neil into their mattress.

It was only a matter of time before he ended up at this crossroads, only so far he and Neil could go before reaching the logical 'next step.'

But, it doesn't have to be a step at all if Neil decides against it. If Neil doesn't want to, they won't. The itch in Andrew's brain is mostly due to the fact they haven't discussed it. He has no idea how Neil feels, if he even thinks about it in the way Andrew does.

There hasn't been time, but Andrew knows if he's reached this point he has to bring it up.

He's not afraid to; he and Neil aren't like that. It's about framing it in a way Neil's exy-only brain won't read into it wrong.

He needs Neil to be able to say no if that's what he needs, he doesn't want to imply he wants this from Neil, that there's a pressure to take it there. Because as stubborn and rebellious as Neil can be, unwilling to be pushed around, Andrew is a weakness.

So, Andrew won't accept anything from him other than the absolute truth. 'Always' doesn't exist with things like this.

The movie turns back into a mindless explosion show while the fantasy in Andrew's brain is paused, mostly because indulging in it feels wrong at this point. If it's something that'll never happen, there's no point letting it play.

What he already does with Neil is enough, more than enough. Andrew never thought he'd ever be like this with anyone, and he's still not used to it. His pleasure during sex came from control in the past, on being able to dictate how it all went, to touch without being touched and have the person like it.

Neil turns everything upside down; where control once stood undefeated, something else sits, unmovable. White-hot, blinding desire.

A danger, unacceptable.

Andrew's eyes rest back on Neil and the heat coiling in his abdomen subsides, softened by the unruliness of Neil's bangs and the glow against his cheek. That's another problem too, about Neil. Desire isn't alone.

But, Andrew sets that issue aside for now.

Feeling Andrew's pensiveness, Neil turns his head, blinking so slow Andrew can see the flutter of his lashes. He nearly pushes his face away.

He's not sure what Neil sees in his analysis; Andrew knows he can't read minds, but it's unsettling and calming all at once to watch him trace the wrinkles in Andrew's face. He asks himself if maybe Neil can feel the itch too.

Neil hooks his fingers over Andrew's lightly, and Andrew realizes all too late how tight his grip on Neil's thigh had gotten.

"Okay?" Neil asks, and fuck him for doing so, for catching Andrew slip. He curses himself for slipping at all, or maybe the better term is falling.

Andrew taps Neil's hand once, twice, three times, and squashes the urge to kiss him.

"Yes," he says, and it's not a lie.

It's not a lie, and he doesn't have the energy to think about why that is. He just knows that soon, it will become a bigger problem. He puts it to rest.

Instead, he watches Neil nod and smile, and when Andrew finally turns back to the television, his brain gets to work on the words he needs to say, and knowing how they’ll probably come up short.

--

Andrew's mind is a vault mechanism. When one part of the lock is cracked, there's usually another waiting behind it.

He hasn't realized it yet though, couldn't possibly, with Neil rutting in his lap.

Andrew grunts as his nails dig into Neil's hips, where the brunet's sweatpants are dipping dangerously lower by the minute, a consequence of the force of their dry humping.

He's not quite sure how they got this carried away in the span of ten minutes, but all Andrew knew then was this wasn't a bad day, this was a day where Neil could pin Andrew to the couch without consequence.

So he let him.

Neil is shirtless, scars on display along with hard nipples and a twitching abdomen, the heat building and building.

Because of Andrew.

The position should feel stupid, immature, maybe even high school, but Andrew's brain is swimming with a pleasure comparable to nicotine.

It's nothing he thought he'd feel before, because the weight of someone on him never used to lead to good things.

"Fuck," Neil breathes, hips stuttering against Andrew's and wiping the dangerous path away before Andrew can even take a step towards it. Neil gives a rough jerk, barely able to fight Andrew's grip, but he prefers when Neil works for it. He doesn't let up, because he knows the striker is nothing but determined.

Neil whines, surging forward to pant into Andrew's mouth. He growls; part of him was enjoying the show and doesn't appreciate the interruption. The other part of him can't get enough of Neil's mouth, the wicked tongue pulling his out and sucking on it like it's another part of Andrew's body.

Neil is always so scatterbrained; he'd do it all if he could.

Andrew's breathing comes out heavy, wet, and they've fallen out of position quite a few times as a result of their desperation. Neil's clothed cock is barely grazing Andrew's now, but he doesn't have the will to stop Neil from moving so fast, so needy. There's a small wet spot forming against Andrew's pant leg, and he watches Neil fight to keep his head from lolling back from the dizziness of it.

It makes something smug burn through Andrew's chest, seeing Neil sigh and whisper incoherent nothings which don't amount to much more than 'yes' and 'more, Andrew, more.'

Andrew leans back into the couch cushions and bucks up, earning him a sound so Neil he can't take it. It's a cross between a gasp and a groan, devolving into another string of curses. At this point, Neil's pants are low enough to reveal the coarse hair of his groin, the criss crossing scars almost as tantalizing as the hardness pressing against Andrew's leg.

Andrew suddenly doesn't have enough hands. He's torn between pressing his palm over the scars, keeping Neil under his grip, or digging into Neil's hair to expose the column of his throat.

This is why this kind of thing can still get a bit overwhelming, but not in a discomforting way like it used to.

It's still fairly new, the dry humping. At first, it had started as slow and experimental grinding in the morning, Neil pressed up against Andrew's front while he rocked forward. The first time, Andrew had to stop, too taken by the newness of it, the unfamiliarity.

He hadn't had time to really pick it apart and think about why he was doing it or if it made him anything like them. If pressing Neil down and chasing his own relief didn't reveal something uglier about him.

By that point, he'd had Neil's hands on him on a regular basis, jerking him off and pulling him into his throat. Those things were becoming less daunting.

He's used to letting Neil get him off now, to getting off in front of him with his own hand. It's just...this is so much more shared, intense. Andrew isn't quite used to it, but the movie night sits heavy in the back of his head still, and he thinks it might make a little more sense now.

The process to get here had been the same, a slow evolution; they'd use grinding as a means to get worked up, to cause friction before moving onto blow jobs or heavy makeouts. It turned into a thing when Andrew didn't have the patience to separate from Neil for even a moment. Humiliating, but in the heat of the moment he hadn't thought twice. He remembered asking for his yes between biting kisses before humping Neil into their bed, and when he came, the rush had been blinding. The heat running through his veins carried all through his spine and down to his toes, intensified even more by Neil's body jerking against his.

Close, intimate.

And so very, very close to the real thing.

Before that thought threatens to ruin everything, Andrew bucks up again and Neil's moan blocks the path again.

Andrew is so hard it's painful.

Before Neil can press down in kind, Andrew tightens his hold until Neil can do little more than squirm, leaving them stuck like that, with Neil's hands making a mess of Andrew's hair and unable to give them the sweet friction. Andrew rubs circles into Neil's hip bones until he hears the sigh he's looking for.

Watching Neil blink, eyes blown wide in a desire fueled haze, makes Andrew lick his lips in anticipation.

Neil blinks down at Andrew, not really seeing, breath stuttering as he fights the grip. "H-hey--"

"Hey," Andrew replies, feigning innocence. It's not effective, when one of his hands snakes around to Neil's back, looking for any trace of discomfort or even a silent 'no.' When he finds nothing but want, he presses his fingers down onto Neil's lower back to force him forward. Neil's back arches like a cat, like Andrew pulls all the strings. "Move up."

Neil exhales shakily as he shifts, legs spreading and putting him back to where they initially started. Andrew takes the time to rid himself of his jacket, way too warm, and unzips his jeans to help the tightness.

Neil's gaze flies to the prominent bulge under Andrew's boxers instantly.

"Right there," Andrew says with his hands back on Neil's ass, squeezing the muscled flesh greedily and trying hard to avoid the thought of spreading him open like this. He aligns Neil so their cocks are settled against each other again. It's a struggle for them to stay still; Neil leans forward so Andrew's neck muffles most of his groan, and sucks on his pale skin. Andrew's voice is nothing short of strained when it comes out. "That's it."

Neil smiles when he pulls back, and Andrew has to look away. Idiot, always so pleased with proof of Andrew's unraveling. "Can I--"

"Yes," Andrew growls, and he meets Neil halfway. One hand flies to the back of Neil's neck, digging into the hair at his nape to pull him close again. His skin is scorching to the touch.

Neil doesn't hesitate. His hips move fast as his hands dig into Andrew's biceps, intent on chasing the orgasm for both of them. Small, jagged whimpers leave his mouth with every thrust, his cock brushing right against Andrew's. Neil is practically bouncing, and it doesn't take long for Andrew to realize he's moving too, just as fast, just as rough. The head of his cock pokes out of the slit in his underwear, smearing precum on Neil's pants.

"Oh fuck, fuck," Neil moans at the same time Andrew starts grunting with each jerk of his body, unconcerned with the volume. If anyone knows what's good for them, they won't be back early. Andrew's vision starts to blur, his movements less coordinated, breathing loud. He's close, so close and the heat pooling in his abdomen makes his head swim.

It should unnerve him, this lack of control, this animalistic urge to keep going, take and take. But Neil looks the farthest from afraid above him; he's matching Andrew in his entirety, grunting loudly and rotating his hips in just the right way for them to feel every inch of each other. His hands are dutifully clutching Andrew's shoulders, unwilling to move. Because Neil knows, he knows this is Andrew's most vulnerable moment, seconds from orgasm. No matter how close to the edge they are, Neil won't risk Andrew's discomfort, he won't let Andrew's pleasure be overridden by shock or the disregard for his boundaries.

Andrew hates him, he hates how Neil is the only one who will ever make him feel this way, because now no one else is good enough.

In more ways than sex.

Andrew snarls from the anger of it all, from how inaccurate it feels to call it that. He brings a hand up to wipe the sweat off Neil's brow, pushing aside his bangs so he can see those eyes for all they are, the ring of blue a bottomless pool Andrew no longer tries to escape.

Neil's mouth falls open from whatever look is on Andrew's face, and he's no longer able to keep his eyes open, throwing his head back as his orgasm rips through him. He trembles in Andrew's arms, and Andrew feels the warmth of Neil's cum against his cock, even through his sweats.

Andrew's arms lock around Neil's waist as he thrusts up harshly, and in the last split second before he comes, he imagines they're not just dry humping like dogs in heat. He allows himself to imagine he's inside Neil, that they're as close as they can possibly be, and it makes Neil feel good instead of pained.

Andrew comes, but it's with an unexpected dose of shame. Despite that, he comes hard. It's full body, enough to make his shoulders shake, his breath hitch. It's that same tingling sensation running over him, stronger at the points where he and Neil touch.

It doesn't make sense to him.

He hadn't meant to let his brain go there, to let the fantasy rear its ugly head again, but it had felt so...

He didn't have the right to think about it without Neil's yes, not in this case. Because it means some fucked up part of him craves it, needs to take it.

He won't, he won't do that. He knows he won't, but then why does it make his stomach swirl?

Andrew sighs before going rigid, and Neil must take it as his cue to separate. That's one thing which hasn't really changed, Andrew's need for space. It's gotten better, he can normally stay pressed against Neil for ten or so minutes, and it's weirdly comfortable. However, eventually his brain will begin to overthink or itch with a need for room, and he'll have to push away.

This immediate stiffness is unusual though, and Neil catches it so fast Andrew should feel vulnerable about it.

Neil goes still as soon as he senses something is off, and removes his weight from Andrew in a blink. He's never seen Neil move so fast away from him, not out of fear, but concern.

Neil is mistaken here though; he's not the one who's done something wrong.

Neil puts as much distance between them on the couch as he can, bringing his knees to his chest and only grimacing at the wet squelch of his pants.

His chest is still heaving, and part of Andrew finds excitement in that. He made Neil feel good, it's proven by his mussed up hair and swollen lips, the high blush. Neil waits, eyes scanning the lines of tension in Andrew's body, the soft parts of his face.

Andrew watches him for a long time as he thinks, trying to find evidence he's right, that he took it too far. Neil can't read his thoughts, but for a moment Andrew worries he can.

Did he feel it, Andrew's body claiming him, using him in a way Neil maybe has never thought of?

Andrew glares, but he knows Neil will be able to tell it's not at him.

Andrew is usually able to begin the long dissection of these issues in his own head, revealing the threads he can offer to Bee to pull at and untangle into something more manageable. But right now, he's at a loss.

They sit like that so long their breathing evens out, and only at that point does Neil reach out. He extends his hand forward, not commanding, but offering. Yes or no. "Andrew?"

Shit.

He hasn't moved in minutes. Time is never something he managed well in his head, always pulling him back to the past in a blink while the future pulled apart like dust, disintegrating before taking a full shape. He inhales shakily; Andrew hates to show so much, but this is Neil. They're alone. He scrubs a hand over his face in frustration, trying to bring it back to its blank state before he reaches out to pull Neil closer.

They're still not touching anywhere else, Andrew can't handle that yet, but it's enough of an acquiescence for Neil to understand the problem isn't him.

He moves to the cushion next to Andrew, his bare feet settling against the carpet as he waits for Andrew to say something.

And well, this is where he brings it up. There's no point in waiting, beating around the bush is useless and pointless and not something they're capable of doing.

Andrew's words come out blunt as ever as he stares into nothingness. "Before I came I thought about fucking you."

The harshness of the words, and how removed they are from any emotion should probably make any normal person flinch. Neil isn't just anyone.

Neil, for all his usual drama, doesn't react to that, and Andrew feels the ghost of relief. Once, Neil told Andrew his lack of reaction to otherwise terrible events made Neil feel better about them. Andrew hadn't really understood, but now he just might be seeing the logic.

Neil's gaze on him during their vulnerable moments typically makes Andrew want to jump out of his skin, far too exposed, but with this it's less difficult to plow forward. Neil stares at Andrew, as blank as he can manage, while still letting the curiosity furrow his brow.

Andrew wants to wipe off the sweat there.

He cracks his knuckles, mulling over the words and trying to find a way to say them where he won't have to admit too much. Unfortunately, it's impossible.

He scowls at the coffee table as he speaks, like the words are vile. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I haven't been able to stop."

Why can't he stop?

Because part of him can't help himself, is that it? He can't control himself, even after years and years of limiting every possible stimuli so he could.

If he sounds angry it's because he is; how dare Neil push him this far, so unintentionally. Yet even then, Andrew knows the blame is all on him. The irritated tremble in his voice should not fucking be there, just like the thoughts shouldn't be. He shouldn't have given ground enough to make such a confession, to make Neil think he's torn up and ugly.

Andrew should be a blank slate, but Neil is chips in the stone, splashes of paint which Andrew cannot scrub off.

He told Neil what he's always told Neil: the honest version of how he feels, even if he wishes he felt nothing.

Long before the movie night, long before he cares to remember, and he    remembers everything, he's thought of slotting their bodies together, of pulling Neil impossibly close so they're intertwined in every way.

At Andrew's aggravated scowl, Neil finally chooses to speak. The confusion is more obvious on his features now, the ring of blue reappearing and threatening to wash Andrew in waves.

"You don't have to stop," Neil says, like it's the simplest damn thing in the world.

What the hell does he know? He's not in Andrew's head, he's not--

"Neil--" Andrew almost growls, a warning Neil should be all too familiar with. Stop while you're ahead.

Neil is a very bad listener, with a short fuse to match.

"I think about it," the striker bites out quickly, almost challenging. Those blue eyes widen with the admission, rocking on the balls of his feet. Andrew's entire body freezes up, hell the world might have stopped for all he cares. Even Neil bites down on his bottom lip, as if to cut the words off, before realizing how stupid that would be. He knows how Andrew feels about regret, and he's not lying in this moment. Andrew would be able to tell. A few seconds of quiet pass, they hear some muffled music through the windows. Neil's voice is a silky whisper to his ears, despite how cracked it sounds. "I think about it too. So...there, stop putting this just on you. I think about it a lot so, you don't have to do...that."

It's so stupid, how Neil can remain so interesting even when Andrew's feeling this on edge. It's a welcome distraction for a second, before the words really sink in.

Neil thinks about it.

Viciously, Andrew steps on the small slug which resembles hope as it crawls through his brain. He ignores the mess in his pants as he turns to face Neil, sitting cross-legged on the couch.

Andrew raises a brow, daring Neil to elaborate on the that he's referring to.

"Hide it so I don't have to know," Neil supplies, waving his hand in the air. "Shoulder it all yourself like you always do. This way I've made it both of our problem."

Neil winces, no doubt scolding himself for the poor choice of words.

Andrew's face is back to a blank slate. "A problem, is it?"

That's certainly how he saw it, but having Neil echo the sentiment makes him feel more, which would be terrible enough, but the feeling isn't even good.

Neil's gaze is a freshly sharpened blade. "No. Not to me," Neil says, firm. "You know we don't have to, but--"

"But you think about it," Andrew echoes, unable to help it. The coils he tries to wrap around the realization are slippery and can't get a grip, so he repeats it. Neil thinks about it, the desire is shared.

What is he supposed to do with that information now? One step forward, two steps...somewhere.

Neil swallows, and the redness on his cheeks is oh so appealing to even Andrew's hazy mind.

Neil thinks about it.

But that doesn't mean they can just...do it. Andrew doesn't know if he can; the disconnect between what his body wants and what his brain can manage is a minefield and he's never wanted to scratch at gray matter so badly.

Briefly, he understands why Aaron values normalcy so much. Normalcy would allow Andrew to just be the horny college student he could've been, instead of having to deal with all these speed bumps and cones in the road to get to the ultimate goal. And even if he were to get there, there's a big chance he'd decide it's better to turn back around to prevent a crash.

But he is not Aaron, and he does not value normalcy.

He values--

"I do," Neil states, so understanding, and maybe a little flustered. Flustered, not scared, not unsure. "I like doing that stuff with you Andrew, but how it is now is good, more than good. Hell, that was so...wow. You know I've never felt this towards someone."

Neil's smile is so far away from what Andrew can handle he has to ruin it.

"Horny?" He says, and hates how even when he's deflecting the thought sends a shiver through him. The thought of Neil only wanting him, only giving himself to him. Andrew squashes the possessiveness, uncomfortable.

Neil gives him a look for that, but isn't deterred. "Technically yes, but you know what I mean."

Unfortunately he does, but that's even more uncomfortable to think about than the physical desire. Neil has never been shy about his feelings for Andrew, not since Andrew actually acknowledged their this and showed how he was going to make zero moves to push Neil away. Even if Neil did hold back his bluntness, he gives Andrew those fucking looks like he's the most amazing thing he's ever laid eyes on, not some delinquent with a crooked nose and a hostile disposition.

And still that can't be it. Neil's desire, like his feelings, are so intense they can't possibly be fake. The eagerness, the desperation with which he receives Andrew's advances...it's not the issue. Neil is trying to tell Andrew he doesn't need to feel pressured, like Andrew doesn't already know that.

He thinks he's getting closer to what his real problem is with it, but it's just out of reach. It's a shared desire, he checks that off. Neil thinks about it, another check. And Andrew...

No matter how he tries to kick it aside he wants it. His body craves it and his mind can't let it go. He wants and it's so nauseating in how it's not, instead it's light and tender and all things he is not supposed to be.

So, where is the issue? It's him, it's--

"Stop avoiding the truth," Neil says, and when Andrew looks back at him those pale blue eyes are intense, almost deadly. They pry Andrew apart, flaying the flesh from bones and seeing the rawness inside, like Neil has managed to pin down the anxious animal inside him with talons sharp as knives.

The words 'shut up' die on his tongue; what truth? What can Neil see that he can't?

Andrew doesn't have fears. He briefly entertains the idea that what bothers him is the fact Neil thinks about it and that means one day he'll really want it and won't be able to hold the urge back. If Andrew can't give it to him, if he decides he can't go through with this, Neil will be like everyone else, just someone who wants more than Andrew can offer. Then he'll leave.

But Andrew doesn't fear. And it would be stupid to fear; anyone who would leave for something like that simply isn't worth the time of day. Yet...yet...

Andrew thinks of life without Neil, and he remembers emptiness crashing down, an empty stadium, and true darkness.

Frustrated beyond all reason, Andrew retreats into the bedroom to change into clean underwear and sweats. There are no footsteps behind him, no annoyed sighs or disappointment in his wake. He hates how Neil knows how long he needs before following, how trusting he is, because he changes right in front of Andrew a few moments later, needing no boundary.

"There's no 'truth' in this to avoid," Andrew answers, delayed, as he tracks the curves of Neil's body, the scars making him feel safe and angry all at once. Angry at those who would hurt his person, safe knowing Neil doesn't shy away from the ugliness.

Neil shrugs as he sits on the bed, beckoning Andrew over. He follows, of course he does, it's automatic.

What he says isn't a lie; he hasn't figured out the truth of this. Neil grins at him, infuriating. "No, I just think you're avoiding thinking about it. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea what you're actually thinking about, I'm not a mind reader. But if something else weren't bothering you I don't think you'd be this antsy."

"I'm not antsy."

"I told you, I'm the better liar so you should stop trying," Neil says with a smile, kicking his legs out in front of him. There's bruises on his knees from their last game. Andrew reaches out to press his palm against them, frowning at the yellowish color; there was no helping the fall, but Andrew had still checked him out afterwards. Neil sighs into the touch, leans into it, and it hits Andrew that this level of vulnerability he's been given is not something he's ever asked for, but he couldn't let go of if he wanted to.

Can’t let himself betray.

"I haven't made up my mind," Andrew says, not like he has to. Neil is normally good at knowing when Andrew isn't ready to give his final answer, but something about this feels different. It makes Andrew say as much as he can. "I don't know yet if I can do it."

What he thought would be devastating to admit aloud feels more like one weight has been shed. Neil doesn't even react, apart from prying Andrew's hand off his knee to trace the veins on his wrist.

"That's okay," Neil whispers, and there's enough encouragement in the tone to make Andrew growl.

"Shut up."

Neil freezes, his fingers hovering over Andrew's knuckles, and has the audacity to squint at Andrew. The man always did have a death wish. "It is."

Andrew turns away, in what to others would read as a clear dismissal, the cold shoulder. Neil has never cared to accept those things.

"Andrew," Neil says, and it's with conviction this time. No gentleness. "I'm not going to...leave if we never do it, I don't care about that, I just care about you. But if it is something you want, it's a yes--"

Fury spikes.

Andrew bites back the auto-response of 'I don't care if you leave' because it's a deflection he won't bring into this. He doesn't have time to keep that wall of his intact during a conversation like this. Neil will fight it and see through it and it'll waste their time.

But honestly, screw Neil for seeing through Andrew so easily. For pulling out fears that shouldn't be there and aren't, they aren't.

When Andrew turns his scowl on Neil, the striker doesn't so much as flinch. Andrew is here, giving away too much, showing too much, and Neil takes all of it.

"That doesn't have to be your final answer," Andrew stresses, voice tight, and this time Neil does have the decency to look surprised. Those pretty eyes soften with it, and Andrew sees the exact moment he puts something together which Andrew hasn't yet touched. "We don't have to. That goes both ways, I won't take that from you unless you're 100% sure so you better be and fuck you if you don't tell me the truth when the time comes. And it's not going to be you letting me, or doing it for my sake, or some other half-assed reason. If you don't want to, we won't. "

If I can't, I won't.

And the only reason he wouldn't be able to is if...

Andrew feels a stone settle in his stomach, and almost grins from how amazingly stupid this all is. Bee would be so proud, him getting to this point, on the cusp of figuring out what the hell is going on in his head.

All of a sudden Andrew is tired, too much energy pulled out of him, a war of emotions, all for him to come to the obvious conclusion.

It always comes back to Neil.

And Neil seems to have figured it out too; he stares at Andrew for a long time, scanning his face, giving him that look, the one which burns Andrew from the inside. Warm.

"The next time one of them says you're soulless, I might have to fight them."

All Andrew's words, and Neil manages to find the sliver of realness buried in it. For a moment, Andrew thinks Neil will let it go, for Andrew's sake. But, he should know better. They're no longer at that point, and Bee would call that progress, but Andrew doesn't know what to do with it yet.

All he knows is that if Neil thinks he can soothe any of Andrew's thoughts, he will, no matter how many times Andrew tells him he doesn't need it.

It's quiet, when Neil finally speaks. "You wouldn't hurt me," he whispers into the small space between them. Andrew hadn't realized they'd gotten so close, but there's his forearm, pressed right against Neil's. No wincing, no queasiness.

Andrew starts to turn away, and Neil risks blocking him with his hand. Andrew's vision is all blue, Neil's bangs such a mess he wants so badly to push them back again. "You wouldn't hurt me Andrew, if that's what you're worried about. You couldn't. I trust you. Of course I want to, but it's not a deal breaker. Stop treating it like one."

Andrew doesn't move, it's amazing he can even look at Neil, but he can't stop. There's so much he could argue in return, lots to prove wrong. Neil doesn't know anything about this, he can't possibly get it, or know what he's really giving Andrew, or what he’ll want in the future.

Their future; another subject to flood Andrew's brain. Too much at once, too much.

And yet, Neil is a deadly weapon, except with Andrew the slicing wounds give way to blooms instead of blood.

Neil strikes. "If you decide it's a yes, and I come back and say no, would it be a deal breaker for you?"

Andrew twitches from the mere thought, which is as good as a full body jerk. Neil could say he never wanted to have sex again and Andrew wouldn't push, he'd stay. "No," he seethes, unable to keep it out of his voice. Neil goes right for the throat every time, making one of Andrew's arguments null.

As for the other...

"I want to," Neil says, and for once, he seems embarrassed. It's a rare thing on Neil, the worried lip, the giddiness. Like he's excited. It's not even about the sex, he's pretty sure Neil did this when Andrew first held his hand too. Andrew's stomach flips itself over in half, the bastard.

"You wouldn't be taking either," Neil says, and Andrew flinches internally. Hurting Neil...he could hurt Neil, he could-- "We'd be...sharing, like we always do. So you can stop beating yourself up over my decision, and think about yours."

In Neil speak: Do whatever you need to do to figure out what you need, I'll be waiting.

Andrew hates the assumptions, mostly because they're right. This is not something he can resolve with one conversation. The thought of somehow ruining this for Neil, for making his first time something horrible, is too much for him to unpack this quickly. Who knows how long it will take him to reach a decision, or what the decision will be.

Yet, Neil's here, telling him he doesn't care how long it takes, or where Andrew lands at the end of it. He'll be here, now and after.

What percent is Neil even at? The millions maybe. Andrew's blood boils before it comes down to a simmer, then fades completely. Andrew never asked to feel, but Neil is wearing him down everyday.

The thought repeats: Andrew doesn't know how to stop.

He clenches his fists, grabbing Neil's shoulder and forcing him down onto his side to lie next to him. Words won't work for him anymore, and he's not capable of touching or even kissing right now. But it's a concession, a thing he is learning to give without despising the weakness of it.

Neil gives a small yelp but goes with Andrew willingly, not resisting. His curls fan out on the comforter, one decorated with cats that Nicky gifted them. Andrew sighs; Neil has yet to make any sense to him, even when the entrance to the messy path ahead of him has cleared.

He'll need as much rest as possible to figure this out. It's too early to go to bed, but after all this Andrew needs sleep, and he hates how Neil being next to him has become the new normal.

"I fucking hate you," he says in the small margin of space between them, and closes his eyes before he can be blinded by Neil's idiotic smile. "Go to sleep junkie."

Andrew's memory feeds him Neil's smile anyways.

Neil sighs across from him, and Andrew immediately feels drowsy, like it's a spell over him. He falls into it, not resisting.

As the world fades in and out, the most important thoughts stay afloat, and he embeds them in his head. They're less like mosquitoes now, more like additional grooves.

Neil wants it, Neil is ready. There's no sense in Andrew dwelling on that issue further for now, so he bypasses the first lock of his mind. Of course, he was never so optimistic to think that was the only thing holding him back, and Neil pulled that out of him too.

The big issue, the one holding Andrew back. The striker's words flood his mind, blurred and echoed. 'You wouldn't hurt me.'

But is that the truth? There's only one way to find out, and Andrew isn't sure if it's something he's willing to risk. Neil never was and never will be someone fragile, but that’s not the point. That’s not what Andrew means.

Just the realization he has the power to hurt Neil with this, the way Andrew was hurt…it makes him shy away from any attempt.

After all, he decided long ago he wouldn't risk losing Neil, not for anything, returning words said on rooftops. And yet…Neil makes him itch to prove those things wrong.

He's not sure yet where to go from here, but he pushes it aside to think about later. He has as much time as he needs. With the first lock conquered, the tension in his shoulders relaxes. Neil thinks about it, wants it. So can Andrew.

Just like that, Andrew finally concedes; he lets the idea of want flood in.

This time, there's no guilt to be found. Neil, with all intentions, made sure of that.

--

[russianredassassin]

Dating Huntress and Meeting the Birds of Prey + Cass (Full Fic)

This was requested by Anonymous - can I request reader meeting the BOP and Cass bc reader and Helena are dating? Can you make it a full fic and it just be crazy, cute, fluff and chaos? thank youuuuu - I hope you like this fic and is what you wanted. 

Also sorry I haven't written a fic this long in a long time but hope you enjoy it nevertheless :) One final thing, for the person who requested this I didn't put Harley Quinn because you didn't specify if you wanted her included or not. So I just left her out.

Word Count - 1702

Warnings - A few swear words, but that's it 

I was in a relationship with Helena Bertinelli and it was amazing, but what most people didn’t know is that she is also the vigilante Huntress. You would think that being with a vigilante would be amazing, and it is apart from the times where she gets called away for hero business. Now, of course, you couldn’t blame her, this was what she wanted to do, but Helena started to feel a little bad, so she decided to treat you with a romantic dinner. The idea of making you dinner sounded great to her, but it turns out making the perfect romantic dinner was harder than it sounds. You arrived at your apartment to the smell of smoke and the sound of an alarm. My mind immediately thought the worst, so I burst through the door, ready to take on whoever foolish enough to try and fight my girlfriend. Except when I got inside, the only person there was Helena. Who was standing in the middle of a smoky kitchen leaning over the oven, then she leaned back upright holding a tray of what looked like food but if I’m being honest, it didn’t much resemble food. “Grrr, FUCKING HELL!” Helena shouted as she smashed the tray down on to the counter, she then looked up and saw me and jumped slightly. “Oh, hello Y/N I…I thought you didn’t finish work until another hour,” Helena said pushing the tray to the side, trying to badly hide the disaster of dinner. “I got off work early, so I thought I’d give you a nice surprise with take-away,” You said, putting the food down and turning the alarm off and opening all the windows “What happened?” “Well, I started feeling a little guilty because of me out every night fighting criminals and therefore not able to spend enough time with…with you” Helena said while grabbing a tea towel and fanning the smoke away “and I wanted to make you a romantic dinner as a way of an apology, but as you can see I have very clearly Fucked. It. Up” Helena said, clearly frustrated so I helped her get rid of the smoke out of the apartment. Afterward, me and Helena relaxed in the living room, with a movie we decided to be Robin Hood and a take-away. It may have not been the perfect romantic night Helena had in mind, but you were together and that was all that mattered. That was until Helena’s phone went off. “Hello?” Helena said standing up to answer the phone “What?!” I glanced at Helena as she raised her voice “No, I’m sorry I can’t not tonight” I tried mothing to her what’s wrong, but she just gave me a smile “Look I’m sorry but I am busy tonight. Goodbye,” Helena ended the call and put her phone away in quite a huff, sat back down and continued as if nothing happened. “Who was that?” I asked, looking up at her. For a few seconds she didn’t reply, just kept staring at the movie on the telly until she finally spoke up “Just a…friend of mine,” Helena said with a pause “Needed my help” “With what?” I asked her, After another long pause and breath, she finally replied “Vigilante business” Helena replied taking a bite of her food. “And you’re not going to help?” I asked, getting more and curious, and Helena simply shook her head “Why?” “Because…Because it's supposed to be our special night” Helena said turning to face me “Yeah, but your friends need your help,” I said looking her in her eyes “Go on, go and be a hero” “Are you sure, I mean…” Helena said but I just leaned over to give her a comforting hug “Go. And. Be. A. Hero” I said, “And I’ll be right here waiting for you to continue our special night” After a few seconds we released each other from the hug and Helena stood up and went to our shared bedroom to get her uniform on. A few minutes later, she came out of the room in her full Huntress get up. Even though I have seen her in her full uniform at over a hundred times it never fails to amaze me. She walks over to me while giving me a look of sorrow and cups my cheeks and kisses me. “I’ll be back as soon as possible” Helena said, stopping at the door I gave her a comforting smile and waved her to go on, “You will leave me some of the food won’t you?” “I can’t promise anything,” I said with a sly smile. She simply smiled back then left to do her work. I just sat back and watched the rest of the movie while eating the take-away. Nearly 2 hours later there was a sound of a knock at the door, I got up and went to the door and opened it, expecting it to be Helena. And it was. But with some friends. “…Erm, hello?” I said to all the Helena, who was with two other women one of them with long dirty blond dreadlocked hair who I didn’t recognize, but another I did as Renee Montoya, the GCPD detective, and oddly were joined by a kid no older than 12. “The hell are you?” the woman with the dirty blonde hair questioned to you. “HEY” Helena shouted at the woman then looked at me “Sorry about this Y/N but can we come in” I quickly stepped aside to let Helena in and everyone else inside. I watched as Helena and the others walked around my apartment. “What’s wrong?” I asked Helena since this wasn’t exactly a common occurrence “Are you ok” “Yeah, we ran into a little trouble,” Helena said “Yeah, that’s a fucking understatement,” the woman with the dreadlocks said who was given side-eyes by Helena “Yeah, all we need to do is to stay here for a few hours until whoever is after us gives up, I hope that’s ok,” Helena said “So…” The dirty blonde-haired woman said turning me and repeating her previous question “who the hell are you?” “For god sake…” Helena said turning to the other woman with wide eyes, filled with rage “I’m Y/N” I said before anyone got hurt. I love Helena but she isn’t exactly the most peaceful person in the world. “I’m Dinah, this is Renee Montoya and Cassandra Cain” she said pointing to each of them, then she raised her eyebrows as she glanced between you and Helena “Are you two dating?” I tried to cover a smile, Helena meanwhile just groaned and stormed out. Presumably out of embarrassment. “Does anyone want a drink or…?” I asked trying to break the ice “Got one thanks” Renee said standing at the windows and taking out a flask and taking a swig of whatever was in it. “Anything with alcohol for me,” Dinah said sitting on the arm of my couch “I’ll have a…” the little kid says but Dinah cuts her off “Cassie will have juice,” Dinah said “Hey, I’m not fucking 5,” Cassie said “Juice!” Dinah said staring at Cassie who just huffed and slumped on the couch. Meanwhile, I go to get a glass of champagne and a glass of orange juice and gave them to Dinah and Cassie. Dinah gave me quite thanks whereas Cassie didn’t say a word. About a minute of silence passed before Renee spoke up “So you and Helena?” Renee said from the corner window. “Yeah,” I said with a polite smile “No offense, but how the hell did that happen?” Dinah said trying to conceal a laugh “Did Robin Hood come swooping in to save her Maid Marian” “I heard that!” Helena shouted from the other room and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well it’s a long story,” I said “We’ve got time,” Dinah said with a huge grin on her face “Did swing down from a rooftop and swoop you up in her big strong arms and carry you to safety as your saviour” I was now effectively blushing with that particular idea causing Dinah and Renee to chuckle, but luckily my saviour Helena came out from the room “Heyyy, here’s the saviour,” Renee says quietly to herself causing us all to chuckle and causing Helena to give side eyes once again. “Right, when your all quite fucking finished,” She said raising her voice slightly “Renee, what’s the situation” “Well I can’t see anyone out there,” Renee said moving to the couch “Best to wait here for another hour or so, then it’ll be safe enough to leave” Helena simply nodded. An hour later of talking, moaning, one too many robin hood jokes such as where’s your green tights and Cassie’s stealing attempts which ended up with Dinah having to follow Cassie everywhere. Toilet included. Renee decided that is was safe to leave, so while everyone was getting ready to leave Helena walked over to me “Hey, we’ve just to make sure the ghost is clear and then I’ll be back in about 10 minutes,” Helena said smiling to me while moving a strand of hair from the front of my face then softly placed a kiss on my cheek. “Wa-Hey! Go On Bertinelli!” Dinah said causing me to blush, Renee and Cassie to laugh and Helena to groan out loud. “Right, that’s it!” Helena said as she ushering everyone out of the apartment “Everyone out” 10 minutes later Helena came back to the apartment and immediately fell onto the couch, so it was just her and me. “If you were wondering why I never  told you about them, that’s why,” she said pointing to the door “You weren’t embarrassed were you?” I asked her with a big grin across my face “No…,” she said as she looked at me when a grin grew on her face leading to laughter “OK maybe a little, sorry” “Aww, the big bad assassin is blushing,” I said as I saw Helena’s cheeks blush and she gently knocks me before cuddling into each other “You’re lucky I love you,” Helena said as we continued our romantic night in peace. Just the two of us.

[talatomaz]

hold my hand | zoe ramirez x drake!reader x dinah drake

a/n: when will the arrow writers stop? my heart can’t take any more canary deaths

warnings: mentions of blood

word count: 2k

masterlist | request list | request rules

i do not give you permission to repost or translate my fics on any platform - likes/reblogs are okay and are much appreciated

“Can we stop with the sob fest and get back to what we came here to do?”

You joked, interrupting Mia and Zoe as they reconciled over the argument they had earlier.

Just before Zoe could respond with a witty remark, the three of you became distracted when JJ arrived and proceeded to stab Mia in the neck.

Then, before you could even make a sound, he drove a sword through Zoe’s back. You screamed your canary cry, making him stumble back before you ran towards Zoe who had now crumbled to the ground, blood seeping from her body.

Holding back your tears, you gathered her into your arms and put pressure on the wound.

“Te-Tell my Dad. Just te-tell him that I’m sorry about everything.”

“Ssh, Z, you’ll tell him yourself. Don’t talk like that.”

You barely took any notice as Connor went hand-to-hand with his brother, instead, you and Mia were holding Zoe.

“Hold my hand, y/n. I-I need to feel something before I-”

“Zoe, if you continue talking like that, we’re going to fall out again.” Mia warned, tears spilling from your eyes.

As the three of you were huddled together, you felt a flash of bright lights surround you and with a blink of an eye, you were back in the bunker. Except this time, it looked...cleaner and technologically old.

Without missing a beat, you quickly got up, still covered in Zoe’s blood, and left her in Mia’s arms. Hardly noticing the group of adults in front of you, you ran past Connor-more like pushed him out the way-and made your way towards the left side of the wall.

Pushing the shelves to the side, you felt the panels on the wall and when you found the one you were looking for, you removed the key from around your neck and gently pushed the panel.

As it had the first time, it softly opened, revealing a locked keypad.

Turning the key in the lock, you heard the soft click and quickly typed in the 4 digit code, “4587” to open the miniature safe.

Upon opening it, you were relieved to find that it still held the contents that you were looking for.

You quickly removed the small bottle and ran back to Zoe, ignoring the confused looks from your friends.

Unscrewing the bottle, you doused the liquid onto Zoe’s wound then lifted her head and poured it down her throat before she lost consciousness.

“Come on. Please work.” You muttered to yourself as you felt Mia stand up and watch you in confusion and shock.

After a few tense seconds, you saw Zoe’s eyes flutter open before she abruptly sat up and coughed harshly.

“Woah, easy, Z.”

You warned, holding the former softly. When she looked up at you, you felt the tears form in your eyes again.

Overwhelmed with emotion, you hugged her close to you, “I thought I’d lost you, don’t do that again.”

She clung to your arms but when she lifted her head, you felt her still in your arms and gasp. You followed her gaze and finally took notice of the group of adults in the bunker.

“Dad?” You heard Mia say in disbelief above you.

You helped Zoe to her feet where she held onto you for support. You watched as William hugged a bearded male, whom you realised was Oliver Queen, William and Mia’s biological father. You then heard Connor repeat what Mia said, but this time, it was directed to the other male in the room, John Diggle. JJ and Connor’s dad.

Your head turned to face Zoe as she recognised her Dad. Finally, you stared in shock at the woman standing beside Mayor Ramirez.

It was her.

But she was younger.

Her hair brown and not streaked with grey. Her face smooth and not wrinkled.

“Mom?” You whispered, tears running down your face.

“Mom?” You heard Dinah say in confusion.

“What the hell is going on?” Mia asked.

“I-I think we’re in the past, Mia.” You answered.

Then you watched as Mia and her Dad interacted and everyone found out, much to their surprise, that Oliver had a daughter.

“What year is this?”

“It’s 2019. What year is it supposed to be?”

“2040.” You replied. “Is this some kind of joke? How have we travelled back in time?”

You still stared at your Mum in shock and then felt Zoe leave your arms and walk up to her Dad.

“I can’t believe it’s really you. I’m so sorry.” Zoe cried, wrapping her arms around her father’s waist, clinging to him as she had just done to you.

“You were right, y/n. I guess I did get to tell him.”

She said, turning her head to face you, still in her father’s arms who was holding her tightly against her, in the fear of losing her again.

“Speaking of which, what the hell were you looking for?” You faced Mia who had her arms crossed.

“That’s a good question.” You heard your Mum ask.

“It’s a sample of the Lazarus pit.” You shrugged then jumped at the adults’ outrage.

“What? Thea got rid of all the pits.” Oliver said, confused.

“She kept a sample of it for an emergency. I found it by accident and next thing I knew, Nyssa Al Ghul was in the bunker scolding me. Apparently I had set off some silent alarm but she told me that she and Thea kept a small amount in the event something like this happened.” You explained, gesturing to the dried blood on you, Zoe and Mia.

“She swore me to secrecy.”

“What happened before you got here?” Diggle asked.

***

After explaining the events of the future, Mia stormed off and William and Oliver followed. Connor left with Diggle, and Zoe left with Rene, leaving you and Dinah alone so you both decided to go to the SCPD.

“So, you’re my daughter?” Dinah asked, as you both sat down in her office.

“As I’ve been my entire life.” You shrugged, feeling awkward.

You loved your Mum so much and were extremely close to her but you now felt like a complete stranger to her.

“I can’t believe I have a daughter.” Dinah said. “And I could sense that there was some tension between Mia and Ollie.”

“I think the whole of Star City felt the tension.” You chuckled, “Mia’s not exactly known for her warming nature. She’s had a tough life. We all have.”

“Did you-I mean-Are we okay? In the future, that is?” Dinah stumbled over her words.

“Yeah, we’re more than okay. You’re the best person in my life, Mum. Dinah. Sorry. God, this is too weird.” You said, playing with your hands.

Your eyes fell to your hands when you felt warmth cover them; your Mum had placed her hands on yours.

“I do that too when I’m nervous. I don’t mind you calling me “Mum”, y/n. It’s kind of nice actually.” She added as an after thought.

You let out a breath of relief, “Are you sure? I don’t have to if you don’t want me-”

You stopped talking when your Mum’s hand moved to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. Her hand resting on your cheek, she brought your forehead down to her lips.

Tears rushed to your eyes at the gentle motherly embrace and when she pulled her away, she opened her mouth to apologise.

“I’m sorry. It’s all just very overwhelming. Zoe almost dying and now seeing you again. I know I technically saw you a few days ago but I don’t know.” You shrugged your shoulders, unsure of how to form your sentence.

Dinah wiped your tears and brushed her thumb against your cheek.

“I don’t know how long you’re going to be here so I just want to spend as much time with you as I can, y/n.”

You smiled softly, shuffling closer to your mother on the couch so you could wrap your arms around her waist. Without hesitation, she immediately reciprocated the hug and pulled you closer to her. You rested your face in the small of her neck, seeking comfort like you did when you were a child.

“You don’t have to say it back, but I love you, Mum.”

“I love you too, y/n.”

***

Dinah spent the day showing you around Star City and it took almost everything you had not to comment on how extremely different it looked.

It was cleaner than you’d ever seen it, it was happier than you’d ever seen it. And even though the streets were riddled with crime, it was far less worse than what it was like back home.

Then she treated you to Big Belly Burger where you both began to talk more. You learned about your Mum’s favourite things and she listened as you rambled on about your hobbies, many of which included some form of sparring that you had learned from her.

Night soon fell so you made your way to her house as she insisted on you staying with her. Zoe also ended up staying at your Mum’s apartment too because, if she went home, she would have seen the younger version of her. And everyone knows that you can never interact with your past self.

Dinah hugged and kissed you goodnight, doing the same to Zoe, and left you both in the spare room. You had borrowed some of your Mum’s clothes but you were secretly happy because they smelled exactly like her.

You and Zoe huddled together in the bed, lightly shivering at the cold.

You had been the best of friends since you both met as kids, Zoe a few years older than you. You practically did everything together, but that was to be expected considering you grew up together.

Despite how close you were though, you knew there was an underlying feeling that you were scared to embrace.

“Y/N?” Zoe said quietly, in the darkness of the room.

“Yeah, Z?”

“Thank you for saving my life.”

“We’ve got each other’s back. Canaries for life.” You smiled.

“I don’t know what would have happened had I-“

She couldn’t bring herself to say the words but continued nonetheless.

“You would have been left alone and that’s the last thing I want because-” Zoe abruptly fell silent making you frown.

Switching the lamp back on, you sat up against the headboard as Zoe did the same.

“Z?” You asked, concerned.

She looked terrified, and the only time you had ever seen her like this-with the exception of her near death experience-was when she finally saw her Dad again after their falling out in the future.

“I’m in love with you,” she said quickly, “I’m sorry if it makes it awkward and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way but I just had to say it. I almost died and I didn’t even tell you then and-”

You stopped her rambling the only way you knew how and pulled her in for a deep kiss that left you both shocked to your core.

“I feel the same way, Zoe. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I just didn’t know how to tell you and I was scared that I would lose you before I had the chance.” You whispered, your forehead resting against hers.

“God, we really are a bunch of fools. I should have taken William’s advice and told you sooner.”

“Wait,” you moved your head to face Zoe, “you told William about your feelings for me?”

When she nodded in response, you continued, “I told William about my feelings for you. I am going to kill him.” You said as you both laughed.

Zoe switched the light off again and laid back on the bed. You settled your head against her chest, just above where her, now non-existent, wound was, and sighed contently.

Zoe brought her arm around you and entangled her hand in yours.

“Sweet dreams, y/n. I love you.”

“Sweet dreams, Zoe. I love you too.”

[siverwrites]

Press Start Letter

AO3: Siver

There are some pretty big groups here, so there’s just a mix of things I like and prompts if you want them. As long as the DNWs are avoided it’s all good. Really can’t go wrong taking anything from my Likes list. A lot of found family vibes happening in this batch so anything in that vein in particular is great.

All requests are for fic or art. Art: Interactions of some sort: emoting at each other, talking, sharing some activity, taking a walk, hugs are always welcome, soft things, whatever suits the pair/group

Likes: fluff, hurt/comfort, comfort, missing scenes, friendships, long-term friendships, close relationships of any sort whether romantic or platonic, familial bonds, found family, sickfic, AUs, fandom crossovers or fusions, angst with a happy end, bonding, cuddling/hugs/holding, banter, mutual care and support, emotional bonding, loyalty, pre-canon, post-canon, reuniting, slice of life

DNW: NSFW, non-con, dub-con, underage relationships, unrequested ships, infidelity, virus things

Thank you!

Ghost Trick

Group: Alma/Cabanela Group: Alma/Jowd Group: Alma/Jowd & Cabanela Group: Alma/Jowd/Cabanela Group: Cabanela/Jowd Group: Cabanela & Pigeon Man Alma Cabanela Jowd Missile Sissel Group: Emma & Pigeon Man: What even happens here? Just such a bizarre and unexpected combo it had to happen.

I love this game, its characters and pretty much everything about it, so whatever you want to do will be great I am sure. New timeline mysteries and dealing with missing memories are always welcome where it makes sense. Alternate timelines and what-ifs are cool to explore. Fluff, comfort, family found or otherwise and friendships are always a go. Sissel and Missile involvements and tricks are always good. Any combination of these characters is more than welcome too! 

I only request that for various configurations of Alma, Jowd and Cabanela there is no infidelity. If it’s Cabanela/Jowd or Cabanela/Alma please let the third party be absent for whatever reason or dead... if a Cabanela/Jowd situation in game or a no reset timeline. But Alma’s absence should still be felt. Otherwise I love the trio so much and always love to see more.

Trails in the Sky

Group: Cassius Bright & Estelle Bright & Joshua Bright & Renne Bright: Family family family! Renne adjusting to a new life with them .

Group: Celeste D. Auslese & Renne Hayworth: What might they discuss in the Hermit’s Garden? What might Renne have to ask her?

Group: Estelle Bright & Kloe Rinz | Klaudia von Auslese & Tita Russell: Sisters and best friend time!

Group: Julia Schwarz & Kloe Rinz | Klaudia von Auslese: Mooore sister times

Group: Kloe Rinz & Celeste D. Auslese: Her ancestor... Kloe must have so many questions...

Group: Kloe Rinz | Klaudia von Auslese & Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor: Royals unite! They have a good allyship now going now it’d be cool to see them interact more

Group: Mayor Maybelle/Lila: they’re just sweet okay. Let Maybelle rest. Lila, also rest. Go on a vacation you two

Group: Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor & Mueller Vander: Exasperated but oh so caring Mueller always...

Group: Olivier Lenheim/Mueller Vander: Same as above but more romantic

Group: Ries Argent/Kevin Graham: Affectionate exasperation

Olivier Lenheim | Olivert Reise Arnor: Just. Olivier. 

Missing scenes, scene extensions, travel along the roads, airship travel times, etc. Post Sky also welcome and at some points necessary. Ample opportunity for anything in the Garden in 3rd. I love these characters, their world, and their relationships.

Trails from Zero/Trails to Azure

Alex Dudley Elie MacDowell KeA Lloyd Bannings Randy Orlando Sergei Lou Tio Plato Zeit Group: Rixia Mao/Ilya Platiere Group: Sonya Baelz & Sergei Lou

These games hit my found family buttons hard. Anything portraying some kind of familial relationship among these characters is awesome. I love our SSS family (Dudley included, you’re an honorary part too, just the way it is). Any combination of these characters is more than welcome!

KeA winning Dudley over because no one can resist her? Always down for KeA and “Uncle” Sergei too. Randy and Tio sibling like times? An outing for our core four, Lloyd, Elie, Tio and Randy, possibly dragging Sergei with for a change? Dudley and Lloyd connecting over something whether the past with Guy or something else entirely? Zeit in any capacity is a very good boy. Sky’s the limit.

Please no shipping aside from the Rixia/Ilya.

Dragon Quest XI

Group: Marutina | Jade & Rou | Rab Group: Sena | Serena & Veronica Group: Sylvia | Sylvando & Dave Group: Sylvia | Sylvando & Graig | Hendrik Marutina | Jade Sylvia | Sylvando

While I wish there were a few more dynamics among the party outside of certain pairs I do love what there is and down for more.

I’d be interested in seeing more Jade and Rab grandfather adopted granddaughter moments. Could be something during the journey or something before they joined the party. Or something after it’s all over. Jade can return to her father in Heliodor but that’s a bond that won’t break.

Any kind of sister time for Serena and Veronica at any time. Can go angsty given Veronica’s situation as well.

I didn’t give Dave a lot of attention until playing the definitive edition and I loved how he was there for Sylv and was able to snap him out of his gloom. More interactions and them supporting each other would be great. Anything during the parade gathering is also great, or Dave’s search for him and Sylv’s recovery.

I love Hendrik and Sylvando’s dynamic. They have that shared history but they’re so different and Hendrik’s reactions are always a joy. But what are some other ways they can support each other?

Game did Jade dirty. Let her shine. Maybe overly ambitious but an AU where she kicks Booga’s ass and liberates Octagonia herself would be cool and she can look after it in a similar fashion to the Last Bastion. But overall anyway, just some attention for Jade.

Just. Sylvando. I love him. Sylv being Sylv can’t go wrong.

Bug Fables

Group: Elizant II & Leif Group: Kabbu & Vi & Leif Group: Prof. Honeycomb & Doctor H.B. Kabbu Leif Vi

My new love and I love the group dynamics! Party fun times while they’re travelling would be good. Really interested in more with Leif’s situation because that is a Lot and open to more introspection and dealing--Kabbu support go? Attempted Vi support go?

There’s also an interesting connection between Elizant II and Leif I’d be interested in seeing more. Leif’s out of time but holds memories of Elizant I. Elizant II is a more direct connection he’s otherwise lacking and it’s nice to see how his opinion of her shifts and grows.

Professor Honeycomb and Doctor H.B.: older cranky lady bees in science! I have no specific ideas, but exploring more of their rivalry would be fun. Hawk and long-suffering Crow involvement are A-okay too.

Final Fantasy VI

Cyan Celes Group: Edgar Roni Figaro & Macías "Mash" Rene Figaro | Sabin Rene Figaro Relm Arrowny

Any combination of any of these tags. Any kind of characters interaction among the party is great. Celes and Relm. Attempted reconciliation between Celes and Cyan. Edgar and Sabin having some sort of interaction with the spunky Relm--she probably trolling them in some way no doubt. Or perhaps something sweeter. Etc

Edgar & Sabin: Moments visiting Figaro during their journey. Or post-game trying to bond again and get to know each other after Sabin’s long absence without doom hanging over their heads. Something to do with or some fallout from the whole Gerad situation?

Celes: Her thoughts on having to sing at the opera? Or what she might be doing post-game. More exploration of her thoughts and feelings after she wakes up on the island? So much room for more expansion on Celes moments. Travelling with Sabin after finding him in the World of Ruin?

Relm: Lean on the magic of her paintings? Or post-game Relm dealing with the loss her powers and/or just trying to live normally again after all that?

Mutazione

Group: Bopek & Jell-A Group: Dennis & Nonno Group: Kai & Karoo Group: Kai & Semenya Group: Miu & Yoké Group: Nonno & Spike Group: Spike/Claire Group: Yoké & Claire Group: Yoké & Karoo Miu Yoké 

I don’t have any specific ideas for Mutazione but all these groups are cool. I enjoyed playing this game so much I’d love to dive back into this world. Leaning hard on its warmth, care and found family is most welcome. And plants! And music! I’m particularly fond of Yoké, but as said these are all great pairs and characters. 

Pyre

Group: Volfred Sandalwood & Ti'zo Group: Volfred Sandalwood/Tariq | The Lone Minstrel Volfred Sandalwood Ti’Zo

Found family joys. Daily activities while they travel? Wagon shenanigans. Post Peaceful revolution activities? Any combo here is great. Soft moments in configurations of Volfred, Tariq and Oralech, pre, post or in-game.   Snakes doing snake things. Imps doing imp things.

Volfred Sandalwood & Ti'zo: Tree and Imp, Tree and Imp! And who knew each other before so something relating to that would be cool. But honestly tree and imp...

Volfred Sandalwood/Tariq | The Lone Minstrel: Something gentle for the tree and the moon who somehow fell for him, any time period

[smolbeandrabbles]

Under The Weather - Ralph Anderson x Reader (The Outsider)

May I present to you, Ralph Anderson, Holiday Fic poster boy 🎄🎁

GIF Credit: X

Author’s Note:  Time to kick off the holiday fics with this precious Boi. You know, despite everything, this man has a certain draw that makes me wanna write for him. And I must in turn be Fearless in the face of whatever January will bring me...  I digress! I just suggest we all enjoy it 💜💙 Ben will ace this.  Under The Weather - Chris Young Things you need to know before reading: Renee is back from Sure Be Cool...

Disclaimer: As usual, this is all Stephen King’s work - I am simply humbled to write for his characters... / Lyrics not mine

Premise: Despite your partner being a clear workaholic, the last place either of you really want to be on Christmas Eve is the station. Ralph thinks he’s got a good reason, you beg to differ - considering who is waiting at home for you both...

Words: 2902

Warnings: Fluff! 

_____

Right there in the living room is our little lit-up tree We haven't even started wrapping hardly anything There's only one thing I need, yeah and you can bet Me being wrapped up with you is the best present I could get

Carols comin' through the radio People saying stay off the roads Kissin' you under the mistletoe That's a reason to stay at home

I waited for this all year long Something about turning on Christmas lights for the first time Watchin' them shine in your eyes

Baby it's cold outside, you and I gotta go no where I could start a fire lay beside you all night right here The snow's comin' down and it won't be the only thing falling So let's stay here together under the weather ---

You sat at your desk staring at your partner, tapping your pencil against your note book. You were practically finished, but he was still sat frantically typing away on his computer. You glanced to the clock – everyone would probably be heading out soon. Which this morning had been the idea; clock out early, do the last-minute shopping – you knew it would be in a rush, but you had always been a late kinda gal – and then get home and hopefully not have to worry about anything for the next few days. Then of course things had come in over the day, and Ralph was still working on them. You’d offered your assistance on occasion, but he hadn’t wanted to bother you with any of this right before Christmas. When you insisted, he begrudgingly gave you things to do, but you had long since finished. And still there he was. You pushed your chair out and approached his desk; “Babe…” “Not until I’m finished.” You huffed; “It’s Christmas Eve!” “And this is still our working environment, detective…” His eyes flicked up to you, “What?” “…Please will you just let me help you.” He shook his head, and you knew it was useless; “No.” “Ralph!” You folded your arms across your chest and you both gave each other hard looks, in an attempt to test who would buckle first. He did. “Fine…” He sighed – pushing a stack of folders towards you, “Please could you re-file these for me?” “That’s it?” “Yes.” Your eyes flicked to his computer, and he defensively covered the screen “Don’t you worry about this, go do as I ask!” “But R-” “Go.” You sighed, pulling the files off his desk and taking them over to the cabinet. The bustling outside in the corridor and break room had already started, and you could hear everyone talking excitedly about their Christmas plans. You turned back to watch him write something else down, and tack a post-it note to his computer, then you turned back to the noise. “You can go home, Y/N…” You looked back to him, frowning, that wouldn’t really work - “We have one car, Ralph.” “I’ll get a cab.” “I’m not leaving you!” He sighed, too stubborn for your own good too. “…Finish your filing.” As you slotted the final file into place, joyful giggling filled the corridor outside your doorway; “Ralph! Y/N! Goodnight! Happy Holidays! Enjoy!” You poked your head out into the corridor; “Thank you! And to you-! Enjoy yourselves!” “Thank you--!” Ralph’s voice floated out after yours, and he slammed another folder down onto his desk. The look on your face clearly said are you kidding!? He watched you for a moment, hands on your hips, your stance of choice – feet firmly planted, slightly tilted with your head following the curve of your body. And a smile crept across his face; “Last one, I promise. And this is just skim checking for something… sit down…” He indicated to the chair in front of his desk. You sat opposite him, biting your lip gently and looked back to the clock; “Clock watching will not make me move faster…” But he smiled – blue eyes skimming page after page until he found what he was looking for, then he looked curiously back to you; “You wanna go shopping?” “…It’s getting on a bit.” “Why are you so late?” “Ralph…” You smiled gently; “I’m always late. Socially.” “Huh-! I wouldn’t have noticed.” He turned back to his computer and started typing again, and for once you weren’t sure if he was being sarcastic “…Where do you wanna go, we can make the rounds – but I am not going anywhere other than specific shops.” “I got a list!” “So you’re prepared…” “Mmmm.” “Okay.” There was silence for a few minutes “We’re going for an hour tops. I’m not missing any more of that kid on Christmas Eve than I have to.” You opened your mouth, decided against it and leant back in your seat. He says. Working. You continued like this for a little while longer – as he refiled that last folder and began to shut down. And Ralph noticed how your tone of voice brightened with every passing minute. There was shuffling in the corridor and the next thing you heard was Yune laughing; “You two are still here-!?!” Your look simply said ‘are you surprised?’ “You got a kid! Get home!” “Uh-! She’s not my kid!” Ralph pointed another piece of paper at him as he cleared his desk. “Technically she isn’t Y/N’s either – but we’re not splitting hairs!” Yune folded his arms and leant against the door frame; “Get home!” You sighed, crossing your legs and tipping back on the chair in a way that you knew would make Ralph scowl at you, and talk about workplace dangers whilst pushing it back; “I woulda about 2 hours ago.” Ralph rolled his eyes; “I’m trying to get done so I don’t need to work for a few days.” “You on call?” “No!” “Yeah.” You turned to your partner horrified; “REALLY!?!” He just gave a we’re not talking about this nod; “That’s the deal.” Yune was back laughing and had to take a deep breath “Okay. I wish I’d never asked. Now please, I implore you to get home.” “After she’s finished shopping we’ll get to it.” “Dios Mio – Y/N!” “EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU TWO ARE IN A ROOM TOGETHER I BECOME THE TARGET-!!” Ralph scoffed “That’s hardly true.” You shot him a look – in truth you probably all gave just as good as you got. But the two of them did like picking on you. You folded your arms, and Yune and yourself shared a significant look. “Well. I for one am going home… So…” He grinned “Please have a good Christmas both of you – and spoil that kid! From me!” “Goodnight Yune! Have a great Christmas!” “Thanks guys! Careful on the roads!” Ralph laughed, “You too!” You turned back to him, not aiming to be as whiny as you realised you were, “Can we go?” He gave you his best smile “Yes, Y/N… We can.” *** Previously… You threw the lights across the room to Ralph and he caught them expertly; “Nice one.” “Haven’t lost it just yet!” He gave a gentle wink, and threaded them neatly across the curtain poles, to match what you’d already done across the mantel piece. The both of you had decorated the tree earlier with Renée, but that had exhausted her, so now Ralph and yourself were finishing up the decorating, before switching all the lights in the house on. Apparently you’d decided to date an expert, because he’d spent the back half of this morning threading them through the landing and the bannisters. And it was neat and tasteful, and he made sure nothing was over the top. They were all the same soft white-yellow in this room, but there was nothing themed about the tree. Throughout the rest of the house Ralph had decided on multi-colours and you were happy to follow his lead. “What about your house?” “…Well, unless I’m not stopping here… I’ll put lights up. Later, darling.” “I can’t believe you wanna spend Christmas with us.” “Why wouldn’t I?” He gave a laugh, “You’re my girls. I’m coming over – unless you don’t want me.” You gave a tiny smile of your own; “We’re always gonna want you, babe!” So by the time you’d finished up and tidied everything away Renée was back awake and down stairs. “Hey--!!” Ralph picked her up as she ran to him; “Hey! Sweetheart-! Look! We’re about to turn on the lights!” You walked over to them slowly, “Well, Mr.Anderson. As it is your first Christmas with the family – I believe…” You handed him the master switch; “The honour should be all yours.” “Oh-! You don’t have to-” Renée gasped; “Ralph! You gotta! Please!” “Oh I-!” “Please!?” He looked back to you, knowing better than to argue with a five year old; “Ah..! Okay…” He took it in his free hand; “Countdown?” “OH yeah…” You whispered back with a wink. “Okay, but you two gotta count me in-! I can’t do this alone!” “5…4…3…2…1!”  He flipped it – and one by one the lights flickered into life. Including on the tree. Renée’s eyes went wide – and she straightened up in his arms, fingers tightening around his arm and tangling in his shirt. And Ralph couldn’t help but smile looking at her, at the way the lights sparkled in her eyes. That was what Christmas was all about, at least for children. Magic – magic that at that age they believed was real. Magic that maybe was. Right now, Ralph wasn’t about to question that. And then you wrapped around him to, one arm threaded through his, your other rubbing his back affectionately – as you rested your head on his shoulder. And he smiled at that too – turning to kiss the top of your head. “I love you…” You looked up to him, with another delicate smile; “…I love you too…” *** You arrived home in less than an hour from when you had set out. “You sure you got everything?” “I got it all I promise.” “Bit late now – Because I am not going back out in that!” He’d grumbled enough tugging you from shop to shop on Christmas Eve evening, so you didn’t blame him for that one bit. “Thank you, for taking me…” You leant across and kissed his cheek. “Mmm… You’re welcome…” Ralph turned that from his cheek to his lips in no time, and it was a short, sweet kiss. “What was that for?” “I realise there is no mistletoe in your house. So, I’ll make my excuses.” He unbelted himself, “Now come on. Carla will want to get home too!” “Oh!” You folded your arms, still having not relinquished your seatbelt; “I didn’t realise I needed the aid of a mystical plant in order to receive kisses from you!” He hopped out of the car, laughing “Oh, no. It’s not you that needs it.” You gasped - throwing your seatbelt to one side; “ME!? You’re the one always talking about professionalism!!!” “We’re not at work here! We can be un-professional!” “So you think you need a mystical plant in order to receive kisses from me!?” You slammed the car door shut and stalked over to him. Ralph was still laughing “You gonna prove me wrong?!” “YES!!!” You pulled him by his coat collar - even though your energy seemed to say this kiss could be violent, it was soft and gentle. And you only let him go because he was still giggling; “What’s so funny?!” “You calling mistletoe a mystical plant.” You pushed him gently, “Shut up!!”

You opened the door, glad that you were finally home for Christmas, and that the temperature in here was cosy. Ralph lay the shopping bags down by the staircase, aware of how you were about to spend your evening. “We’re home!!” “MOMMY!!!” You heard Renée’s shriek of delight and then her running footsteps into the hall. “Hey sweetheart!” You picked her up, and cuddled her close as a second set of footsteps joined you. “Ralph! Y/N! How was work-!” “Ah, same old...” Ralph gave a shrug like he hadn’t made you painfully wait for him for hours, “better hope you’ve done all your Christmas shopping Carla, town is hell!” “Oh!” She laughed “A little late-!” “Not me!” He pointed to you and you huffed. “Thank you for waiting...” “Oh! No problem! She’s an angel!” “Mmm!” Ralph smiled in agreement “You spending Christmas at home, Carla?” You let Renée gently to the floor, but the first thing she did was run to grab Ralph’s legs. “Yeah! It’s nice to be home for a change too...” You collected her payment and little gift you had put together, not late on this one!, and called Renée back to you - who as usual was reluctant to leave the safety of your partner. You knew how she felt. You handed your daughter the gifts and sent her back to Carla; “Oh! Sweetheart! Thank you..!” Renée hugged her gently, and for a moment you and Ralph shared the same smile. “Have a great Christmas with your family..!” Carla beamed, hugging the both of you two “Thank you!” “Go on! Get home safe! Enjoy your Christmas Eve evening!” “Thank you!! And you three also!”

 **

 The first thing Ralph did was remove his watch and place it on the highest kitchen shelf; You watched in (confused) curiosity; “What... are you...?” “It’s Christmas therefore time has no construct!” You had to laugh at him then; “And yet mistletoe isn’t a mystical plant!” “I never said that! I laughed at you for calling it one!” You shook your head at him and went to cuddle your daughter, who was back intently watching programs on the TV - she’d upgraded a little since Ralph had been around - and now she wanted to watch the kind of educational programs he liked watching - she was far more interested in the animals than the actual program itself but... it made you happy that she had his influence in her Iife. You both needed that. You pulled her onto your lap and tucked her stray hair back - kissing to top of her head gently.

 Eventually Ralph cleared his throat; “Oi! You! Dinner time!” You tilted your head back - Ralph wasn’t exactly an expert chef, but he tried his best on occasion. And tonight, he was at his best. “Okaaay...” you slid Renée back onto the sofa and instead of sitting opposite him, sat next to him to watch her. He took your hand gently in his and did the same thing; “You gonna be wrapping presents all night?” “Not all night. I wrap fast.” “Okay... you go do that, I got her... I’ll get her ready and put her to bed...” “Thank you...” “Don’t mention it...” He beamed “...she’s a good kid.” “Yeah, for you maybe.” “Well... I guess once I stop being the new thing, she won’t be.” “I dunno...” you leant on your hand for a minute, “Maybe she was always a daddy’s girl. We just won’t ever know...” There was a silence that made you look back to him, and the gentle burn making its way across his cheeks “...Yeah... maybe she was...” You shook your head at him slowly, thinking that you could probably fathom what was going on in his brain... Wishing that maybe you knew for sure, that he would say it out loud. Maybe eventually he would. Maybe as careful as Ralph was, he didn’t want to wish on it too hard…

 **

 So Ralph did just that, and when you had finally finished, Renée was tucked up in bed and he was reading to her quietly. You smiled, not eager to interrupt, and stood against the door frame listening to him. He was reading one of her favourites, you realised - and expertly at that. Upon finishing the tale he closed the book gently, and kissed her forehead; “Now you better get to sleep, else Santa won’t arrive on time!”  She made a gentle gasp of fear and drew the blankets up around herself, making you giggle. He looked up to you with a little wink “Isn’t that right?” “Oh yeah...” you wandered in to also kiss her goodnight. “Goodnight darling, sleep well. And listen to Ralph - he knows what he’s talking about!” “I love you mommy...” she already sounded sleepy “I love you too, sweetheart...” “I love you Ralphie...” Occasionally she would nickname him as such, but you’d already received some vivid death threats at even thinking to repeat it. You figured you’d rather not figure out if a homicide detective could just be joking about such things. He chucked “I love you too. Sleep well, Renée...”

Ralph turned out her light and you both walked from the room. He still eyed you wearily. “Stop it!” “I’m not saying anything!” “You’re thinking it! Stop!” Ralphie…! Yeah he knew the nuances of every smile on your face alright. “She gets away with it!” “She’s 5! She can call me what she likes!” “What about when she starts calling you daddy?” Even though you were positive he’d been thinking it earlier, you still caught him off guard, and that same blush rose; he stuttered for a moment -  “Well. Until then, I like Ralph...” “Ah, so you won’t rule it out?” If you had caught onto anything at all, your partner wasn’t letting on. His mouth pressed into a line that made him look like he was trying desperately hard not to smile, or wish it too hard - but Ralph didn’t answer you, he just shook his head. You were amused, looking back to the door and then to him; “You’re good with her.” “So you say...” “No but really good Ralph...” “Yeah... so you say...”  He wound an arm around you; kissing your hair gently, and you linked your hand with his. “Now, whilst we wait for her to fall asleep... I do believe there are some Christmas cookies downstairs that will need eating.” “Oh? You don’t say! Did you pick good ones!?” You looked up at him curiously, so he smiled - kissing you gently, as he laced his fingers with your other hand too; “Oh! Only the best!”

---

The first Christmas fic is done! 🎉🎅 So, he’s not even out and I’ve written for Ralph three times!? I can only imagine where this will go when he’s on my screen weekly...

@dennismitchell @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad.

[fallingin-like]

november 11

taller than giants by @allforthebee �� [requested by @horton-hears-a-doctor-who]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this wonderful fic is a lovely take on neil and andrew as best friends in university. it’s a softer version of these characters but maintains the great dynamic between them we’re familiar with.  this fic will break you apart and knit you back together.

this fic was such a joy to reread. i remember reading it for the first time, eagerly waiting for the next update because i was so invested in the story. even now, when it has been a while since i’ve last read it, i immediately recognized the name when it was requested. the thing that i remember the most was how amazing you are at creating tone. you do an amazing job integrating the characters into this au and creating the relationships between them.

parts that i really enjoyed:

”the press of his cheek against the kitchen window as he tried to capture the storm clouds that lined the sky like soft, gray wool.” the imagery of this is so beautiful, i love the contrast i feel between the storm and the softness of the wool. something comforting but also frightening.

this whole section on neil’s childhood. we get a picture of what was happening, but more importantly, how neil experienced it. we see the things that he focused (the blue hair, the spaghetti-o’s) there’s such a sense of melancholy when i read this, but also a distance that tells me how neil has separated himself from the child that he was. 

”’my phone died.’ it was only a partial lie. technically, it was wedged between the seat of his car, but it could be dead” i LOVE scenes where we see how neil rationalizes half-lies. they’re funny, but because it’s so neil.

”matt continued, oblivious to neil and allison, who were holding a silent contest on who could maintain their eye roll longer.” ahh you do a fantastic job establishing how everyone interacts with each other, the easy-going relationship that exists.

”right, you’re neil josten, which means you’re fine and you don’t swing.” LOL add on that he has a smart mouth and that’s basically a character summary

”sunlight dripped from the sky, seeping into the cracks of the sidewalk and spilling bright against andrew’s pale head.” oh my goodness, what a gorgeous sentence!!! 

ahhhh the arizona conversation is so cute!! i like this sort of nickname, it’s so fresh and also helps me know where the fic is taking place (bc i do not know anything about american geography. i spent the longest time imagining palmetto was near california??)

andrew is an early education major!! that is sooo soft. it’s likely very fitting for this au as well! canon andrew i can’t see wanting to spend that much time around people, but you cannot deny that he is a caretaker. especially with his rough childhood (although i hope it wasn’t so bad in this au)

”do i have to get you a necklace, zoey?” oH my i don’t get a lot of pop culture references because i don’t watch much tv but wOW what a throwback.

”he watched as the sun dipped below the horizon, the sky dripping honey, pale and gold, bright against the faded dashboard of his car.” how are you so good at writing these descriptions of the sky? so so wonderful how you paint the scene

”they sold everything from cigarettes and beer, to fungal cream and laxatives. it wasn’t the greatest. but it was the cheapest” what a mood

ANDREW TEXTING NEIL WHILE IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM THIS IS SO CUTE

okay okay okay. i know that i have been raving about your imagery, but this scene of andrew and neil going out at night is so amazing. i can’t even describe how much i love it. you do such an amazing job at capturing how neil sees andrew. neil keeping all of his test shots of andrew? ahhhh but i love so much this bit on andrew and the mood “neil smiled and took another photo of andrew drenched in moonlight” i think this is one of my favourite sentences. i reread this and felt so strongly. i don’t comment often on fics, something i have been getting better at this year. but when i first read this fic i was so blown away that i couldn’t not comment. when i came across this sentence i knew that past me hadn’t been able to leave without telling you how i felt.

”neil took another look at the flimsy menu, his eyes lifting over the edge to see andrew staring at him. neil blinked. he was used to it, but there was something different in his eyes.” i would really like to know what was going through andrew’s mind during this. 

andrew avoiding neil actually broke my heart. you know when you read something angsty and you get a physical reaction? that feeling of pain just in between your ribs that hurts but also feels strangely good? that is how i felt. neil’s uncertainty of what’s happening with andrew, not sure if he was in a relationship with someone else, the tension between them at dan’s show? when neil finally confronts andrew and he just keeps interrupting him, i really can’t handle it. i think you made the right decision, splitting up the chapters but i’m definitely thankful that i’m rereading this when all the chapters have been published. neil’s interaction with kevin made everything more lighthearted at first, but wowow “… a slow burn eased into his chest, filling his lungs with lighter fluid. he took in a steadying breath. he needed to keep the flames in his chest from scorching kevin day” loved this!

ahh renee and neil’s conversation was so good, soo validating. neil’s uncertainty is so heartbreaking

as much as i like certain fics that include when andrew is jealous, i’m kind of glad that nothing happens between kevin and neil. it would be too much too soon. 

neil forgetting his key is so full circle, the idea of him spending nights sleeping in his trunk, wrapped in blankets until andrew comes and collects him makes me so soft. “some things aren’t worth losing” i love this phrase. i’m curious, when did andrew leave it? that evening/day? before then?

all of the pictures of andrew, i can’t quite explain how i feel when i read about neil looking over all these memories of them. there’s something just so lovely about it all

the resolution of this was just so perfect. 

as you could probably tell, i absolutely adore your descriptions of the weather and how they correlate with neil’s mood. you were so good at building tension and finding a way to resolve it, when i was reviewing this, i had to stop after chapter 3 because i couldn’t wait to find out what would happen next, i needed to finish the fic before i could go back and take my time going through it. i loved your characterization, you made everyone feel so real, and this fic flowed so nicely because of it. i liked the way that you captured neil’s sexuality, and the confusion that he had, i saw myself in it. the way that neil and andrew’s relationship develops through this fic is so wonderful to witness, the way that they learn about each other and themselves. what a beautiful fic, thank you so much for writing it!

[writingpuddle]

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Nicky asked, digging in his pack for a chocolate bar. To their left, the cliff dropped away precipitously, sheer granite cliffs like sentinels at the end of the world.

Neil stared at Nicky. “No,” he said.

“What, never?”

Neil looked out across the sweeping vista of mountains before them. A speck that could have been a hawk or a raven or a sparrow spun against the sky, too small and distant to judge. He’d stood in the middle of busy cities; he’d gone to school with hundreds; he’d even tried out for a track and field team once. He’d been surrounded by people, and he had been so ferociously lonely it had been like a knife in his chest.

“No,” he said, because he didn’t know how to explain—didn’t even want to, really. He’d felt more alone back in the so-called real world than he’d ever felt in the wilderness, miles from any other person. When there was no one around, there was no one to miss.

~~~The Long-Distance Hiker AU (A Bullet Point Fic)~~~

So after Neil’s mom died he kinda of ghosted around for a while and eventually ended up in a small hiking town in California

He met a bunch of thru hikers and figured, hey, my dad probably won’t find me if I’ve fucked off into the wilderness

So he starts hiking

And pretty soon he realizes it’s the best thing he could imagine

He spends all summer in the mountains and when winter rolls around he finds a temporary job in a skiing town working in a second hand gear shop

He’s an ultralighter in the most accidental sense possible

His gear is weird and cobbled together and his shoes are held together with dental floss

He sleeps under a tarp with a down blanket and a thin foam mat and he’ll eat the same shit day in day out without even registering it while he covers frankly obscene distances every single day

It basically gives Kevin an ulcer

Kevin’s an ultralighter, but in the stuck up, rich bitch way; his gear is probably worth thousands of dollars and he’ll lecture anyone who listens about ripstop nylon and is super snobby and elitist about who is a so-called “real” thru hiker (hint: anyone who doesn’t do it his way isn’t a real thru hiker)

(don’t worry he’ll get smacked around a little by people like Dan and stop being such a little bitch about it but he grew up rich so even though it might’ve been shit living with Riko he really doesn’t always take into consideration the context of how much fucking money gear costs when he’s preaching about ultralighting)

(yes I’m taking out my dislike for pretentious rich ultralighters on him, okay, but the difference is he’ll have character growth versus the people I met are probably still being preachy and self-important to this day)

Andrew’s like the exact opposite

His pack weighs like seventy pounds and he’ll pull a six-inch knife (a gross misuse of smart gear weight management) at anyone who comments

He has a completely contained single person tent that’s big enough to sit up in and a four-inch inflatable mattress

His sleeping bag is rated to like -20 even when he’s hiking in the summer

Nicky swears he once saw him pull a full-sized chocolate cake out of his backpack three days down the trail and everyone says that’s stupid and made up but secretly think its totally true

Andrew likes to hike alone but somehow he’s never more than a day away from Aaron and Nicky and when he keeps showing up near them it gets harder and harder to pretend like he doesn’t actually care about them

Nobody says anything, obviously, but Nicky gets a little teary when he starts to notice the pattern

It was Nicky’s idea; in this universe Erik got him into hiking when he was in Germany so he got the cousins into it as a bonding exercise and then it turned out it was the best family activity they had ever found

This is several years after they graduated and they’ve scrounged together enough time and money to hike the Pacific Crest Trail

Now the upperclassmen:

So Stephanie Walker is a trail angel: one of those people who lives near a long trail and provides snacks and rides and somewhere to stay and basically helps out anyone who comes by with whatever’s going on; she’s pulled a lot of people out of frankly dangerous situations and she’s not afraid of anything the trail has to offer

So Renee finds herself and her faith while living this life of meeting new hikers every day and it’s almost inevitable that she starts to hike and find solace in the wilderness

Allison is one of those Wild types: she’s done some hiking (much to her parents’ chagrin) but she’s never done a thru trail or even much overnighting before, but she’s ready to throw herself into it and doesn’t care how dirty she gets

She totally carries a tiny spa package though

The other women are very skeptical because they take pride in being free from societies expectations and make up and shaving but they come around after Allison pulls it out one time when they’re seven days into a ten day section and gives them face masks and they all have a little pedicure pampering session (so, so needed when your feet are being beaten and bruised by hard terrain all day)

She has a lot of new, expensive gear and is super touchy about people trying to help her (because a beautiful woman absolutely gets people trying to “help” all the time and it’s infuriating and condescending) but she learns to accept help from her closest friends

She was showing off near the beginning of the trail drinking with a bunch of guys and probably got too sloshed trying to act tough (alcohol hits you waaaay harder at high elevations dude, if you’re not expecting it you can get Fucked Up really fast)

It’s Seth who realizes things are getting out of control and pulls her out before the guys can do anything shitty which is how their friendship and eventually their relationship gets started

They piss everyone off with their constant breaking up and getting back together on the trail, sometimes hiking together for days and then splitting up and going to hike with other people but they find a lot of healing out there in the woods

Seth’s mom is totally dismissive and condescending of his hiking, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but she thinks everything he does is a stupid waste of time so at least when he’s out there without cell service he has an excuse to not respond to her

Now Dan

Dan’s trailer trash, right

She’s got no fucking cash but she has this dream in her head to hike the PCT and she’s going to fucking well do it

Her gear is probably most similar to Neil’s except where his is a mess of weird priorities and held together by spit and twine

Hers is meticulously planned

It’s cheap, some of it’s over forty years old, but it’s hers

It’s probably the only stuff in the world that’s actually hers

She accumulated it over about four years, hitting all the second-hand gear events, saving up every penny, packing and repacking and writing everything out in great detail until David Wymack got wind of her plans at a gear event

He’s one of those guys who hiked the PCT thirty years ago back before anyone knew what it was except instead of feeling superior about that it means he knows exactly how much impact experiencing the wilderness can have for disenfranchised people

He approaches Dan and offers to sponsor her hike

She’s resistant at first; she planned this hike, she got all the stuff together, she was going to do it without anyone’s help

But he comes back and says he just wants her to write about her experiences and publish it on his website

He’ll pay her for the work, of course

And she wavers and finally caves because this will move her plans up by about two years if she can make money while she’s hiking instead of having to hoard up enough cash to take six whole months off

Her blog posts are a huge hit

She doesn’t preach about how the mountains saved her, or get too metaphorical about hiking or anything like that

She just talks about the real, raw experience of hiking

The friendships, the trials, the triumphs

The infuriating people whose mental image of the hiking community doesn’t include poor black girls who grew up in a trailer park, who say she’s an inspiration like they actually mean something else

She talks about the days that she flies up the mountains and the days that she can barely drag herself out of her tent and the day she realizes that Allison and Renee, these women she thought could not be more different from her, are the best friends she’s ever had in the world

And she’s takes fucking amazing pictures

She’s also very determined not to have a trail romance

That’s stupid and cliché

Look that guy Matt might be hot but she’s not interested

He’s clearly working through some stuff and she’s not here to be some guys savior or whatever

So Matt then

His mom helped him get sober a couple years ago and he’s been struggling with it ever since

She got him into hiking as an outlet and a healthy hobby and he took to it like a fish to water

He’s got legs for days and he doesn’t mind carrying a heavy pack, he can hike for hours without stopping

(The fact that he’s faster than her pisses Dan off a bit, but sometimes you gotta accept that you’ve got short legs and just hike your own hike, there aren’t any prizes for speed)

He relapsed again a couple months before his hike started and he and Randy weren’t even sure if he was going to be able to do it but he’s damned well going to try

So anyway

Pretty much everyone is trying to actually hike the PCT except Neil

He drives everyone bonkers

His motivation isn’t really about the trail so much as staying out in the wilderness where there are no gangsters to murder you

So he just does whatever he wants and keeps showing up at random points

He’s technically got one of the thru hiker permits but he frequently goes off on side trails not on the PCT and ends up hiding out in the woods so rangers won’t find him

He’ll just hitchhike straight through boring sections or anywhere that you pass through too many towns where he’d rather not be remembered

He keeps coming back to the PCT but it’s more like it’s a rough guideline of where to go than an actual route he’s taking

He’s got his natural colouring back because who’s dying their hair or wearing fucking contacts on the trail?

But also

Who would ever associate a runaway mafia kid with a guy with overgrown hair and a stained t-shirt who’s sitting serenely on a mountain pass in a photo on David Wymack’s website?

Nobody

That’s right kids, Nathan doesn’t have a role in this one because he doesn’t find Neil

Maybe he gets killed in a shoot out or something and some other gangster steps up and takes over, and in the shuffle Neil’s just kinda forgotten

Maybe he finds out months later and he just stares at the computer in shock because he should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have felt it when his father died

He should have realized that he was free

That happens later though

Who fucking cares what Riko’s doing honestly

Kevin has somehow attached himself to Andrew and is driving him up the wall with advice to improve his hiking/base weight/distance/etc and he sees this guy (Neil) who regularly covers like thirty or forty miles a day (obscene!) and is like YES this guy is my people!

Except when he starts talking to Neil he realizes he’s this total weirdo who doesn’t even have a cook set he just eats cold food (a common enough thing among ultralighters, but not like this. Oh god, not like this)

Neil’s just sitting there gnawing on a pack of uncooked ramen like a fucking animal

And he’s not! Even! Hiking! Properly!

You’ll never finish the trail if you hike like this!

Neil just gives him a blank look

He’s got no interest on getting on some “verified” list of people who hiked the PCT, he just likes hiking

Andrew likes him

I mean obviously he despises him what the hell is with that janky ass setup but also he’s so unconventional and unapologetic how could Andrew not be into that?

They’re the kind of people who give wilderness rescue personnel grey hair, but for completely opposite reasons

Neil keeps running into them because even though he covers so much ground every day, his meandering route means he doesn’t actually move down the trail very fast

They’ll be like wait weren’t you like a week ahead of us and he’s like oh yeah I heard about this cool waterfall and took a sixty mile side trail to visit it and nearly ran into a momma bear with two cubs, it was awesome

And they all start to grow on him, and each other, almost accidentally

Look none of them are out there romanticizing the trail as some kind of magical place where the problems of the real world disappear and the people are somehow more pure and true or whatever

People are people and they bring their issues wherever they go

But there is a paring down

When your daily concerns are just mileage and shoes and food and weather, a lot of other stuff fades into the background

And well the truth is a lot of people are on those trails to work through stuff

And they find each other

Gradually, without even really noticing

They team up in June, groups of three or four with crampons and ice axes to get over the Sierra’s.

Neil was planning to just do side hikes and wait for the snow to melt—he isn’t so reckless he wants to go over the ice alone, but Kevin insists he join them and for the first time he hikes in a group with Kevin and the cousins all together.

It’s weird

He’s not used to people talking to him when he’s hiking and he frequently doesn’t respond and it’s not because he’s being rude he’s just so focussed on what he’s doing and what’s around him that he literally doesn’t hear them

And then

Nicky slips

It’s not his fault, they did nearly everything right (Kevin may be a pretentious ass, but he does know his shit) but sometimes shit just happens for no reason

And they’re at the edge of the ice sheet so Nicky’s just untying himself from the rope that links them together, he’s not even moving, and the snow beneath him shifts and he doesn’t even have time to scream before he’s hurtling down the snow below the trail towards the cliff at the bottom of the ice sheet

Neil doesn’t even hesitate

He dives after him, ice axe in one hand like a fucking gladiator and gets his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist

He slams the ice axe into the snow and it drags behind them, and it looks like it’s not going to catch, and the edge is getting closer and closer—

Until the axe catches something, and Nicky and Neil lurch to a halt, clinging to each other, hanging off of Neil’s one arm and the axe.

Neil looks up and sees Andrew, Aaron and Kevin in various places on the slope above them, their axes dug in and long gouge marks in the snow beneath their heels, strung together by a ropeline that’s still attached to Neil’s waist

That rope is probably the only thing that slowed them down enough that Neil could stop them without ripping his arm clean off

It’s hardly a by-the-book rescue, and in fact it was pretty stupid, but they’re okay, they’re okay, that’s all that matters

That night they light a fire down by a lake and Nicky cries on Aaron’s shoulder and Andrew keeps clenching his fists because he’s never felt so helpless in his life and it was Neil that jumped, not him

He knows that he was at the far end of the line and he would’ve made it worse if he had, but doing nothing while Neil risked his life to save Nicky

They don’t really talk about it

But you kind of can’t help being friends after that

And even after they’re out of the high mountains and back on solid trails Neil keeps tabs on them

And Nicky befriends the others and without even meaning to they start to develop a sort of loose trail family vibe

They’re not hiking together all the time like some of the groups they meet, but they check on each other all the time and wait up in resupply villages and bond over firepits and shitty hot chocolate mixes and swap tips on how to keep the butt-chafing at bay

Neil sticks to the outskirts, mostly, but he starts to open up a little, in fits and spurts, tiny non-specific things that wouldn’t even register to most people but that this particular group knows means more than that

He’s slowing down, too, sometimes hiking entire days with people and covering half his usual distance even when there’s no cliffs or glaciers threatening him

He likes hiking with Andrew the most, though

Because neither of them are big talkers when they’re hiking and Andrew’s pack might be absurdly heavy but he’s got legs the size of tree trunks and endurance to match, so he might not be fast but he can outwalk half the people on the trail by sheer relentlessness

They both like to camp up high, near treeline (so Neil can set up his tarp) and in the places that it’s legal they’ll start a small fire and Andrew will loan Neil his pot so he can actually cook his fucking ramen for once and sometimes they’ll watch the Milky Way rise and share secrets under the open sky, not looking at each other so they don’t break the illusion, and sometimes they won’t say anything at all but it’s okay, because they’re saying nothing together.

It’s nice

It’s maybe more than nice

The summer draws to a close and Neil is starting to realize that he doesn’t want it to

He never wants the hiking season to end but this time it’s different

This summer has been perfect

And he knows deep in his bones that once they leave the trail things will change

The others have lives to return to, and Neil…

The trail is all he has

And if he’s barely hiking alone at all these days, well, who’s going to call him out on it?

The others like having him around because he stops them from getting too fixated on the Trail to see the trail

He still takes side trips but now sometimes people will come along and he’ll stand at the base of a canyon staring up at the glossy white walls and Dan will snap a photo for her blog and smile, because the PCT is just a line on a map, but the hike is all of them; together

He’s hiking with Andrew in September when a storm hits, this time vicious

Neil huddles under his tarp in resignation

Storms suck, he always gets wet, no matter how much he lowers the tarp, but he’s used to it; he just waits it out

But it’s just getting worse

Hail lashing at the tarp and pummelling the ground and maybe for once he regrets camping so high up

And Andrew has to shout to be heard but finally Neil realizes he’s offering to let Neil come into his tent

You’re going fucking freeze, just get in here

Neil goes

It’s weird

It’s instantly weird

The tent is not built for two people, so they’re both sitting cross legged with their heads ducked to not press against the roof

The storms probably not going to let up soon, Andrew says

Yeah, Neil says.

Andrew sighs

Lie down, he says, and Neil does, and Andrew lies down next to him, shoulder to shoulder

It barely works, only because neither of them are very big people

Neil’s pack is outside wrapped in his tarp and all he has is his damp down blanket but he’s not cold anymore, not with Andrew bundled up in his ridiculous sleeping bag right next to him

The storm rages for nearly two days and what passes between them in that tent, nobody knows

If they’re barely ever seen apart after it, well. You only see people so often on the trail. It could easily be a coincidence

And if Neil doesn’t even set his tarp up on rainy nights anymore, well. They never camp near other people anyway, so who’s to know?

In early October the snow blows in, blocking the route to the finish.

They drift around a resupply village for almost two weeks, waiting for the trail to reopen, but finally even Kevin accepts that it isn’t going to

After all of that, none of them are going to finish the trail

It’s a disappointment—of course it is. For most of them, the end of their trip is now a nondescript exit into a village, no fanfare, no closure; they didn’t even know they were done for days

Still, it’s not so bad

They’re all together

Allison suggests Vegas, but they all laugh it down; they wouldn’t even know how right now, bearded and hairy and ravenous as they are

They go to South Carolina instead

It’s not really even discussed that they’ll stay together, they just all go; Allison hosts them at her resort and they laugh at the incongruous weirdness of seeing each other in real clothes, and it’s different, but it’s also okay

They stay for another two weeks, and they don’t hike another fucking inch

We should try the Continental Divide Trail sometime, Dan says

Her blog is so popular now that she’s got sponsorships from more than just Wymack waiting for her

She could make a career out of hiking and blogging and doing gear reviews and it’s a dream she’d never even realized she wanted until she had it

And if she accidentally fucked up and ended up with a hot trail boyfriend? Well, nobody’s perfect

And he has a great butt

(she has photos of it on her blog, from when they jumped into a glacier lake naked back in August)

Everyone is jealous

How about that trek in Iceland? Matt suggests

Or the whats-it-called in New Zealand, Allison says

Oh, I bet there’s some good ones in Europe! Nicky says. You guys can all meet Erik!

And it’s going to be different, but it’s not going away, and Neil feels calm in a way he never has at the end of a hiking season before

Eventually everyone has to start making plans to return to their lives, and jobs, and Neil sneaks out to the back of the house to sit in crisp fall air and watch leaves spiral down out of the trees

Andrew follows him

They sit together, watching the moon rise over the hills, and when Andrew asks Neil to come home, Neil says yes

[kar3npage]

The Resort Show

Chapter 7 of Sewing Scissors and Throwing Knives is up! Read from the beginning here. Last chapter: Andrew and Aaron have an argument, they have the fitting for the show. I update this fic every Monday.

Neil feels like he’s barely been in New York before the Resort show comes up. Time is moving too quickly, sliding through Neil’s hands like water. Every time he thinks he has a grip on something, it all changes.

The doomed feeling isn’t being helped by the ever changing world of fashion. Allison has been around more often now that the show is coming so quickly, and Neil has found that he enjoys the feisty, sassy comments that are flung around while she’s in the building. 

Neil has also been getting to know the other members of the team. He hadn’t realized how quickly they accepted him until someone would spout a fact about him, like how his favourite colour is grey (“That isn’t a colour, Neil” Kevin has said with derision) and how he has a soft spot for fruit. He stomach starts turning every time he gets a glimpse of a life with a sort of ‘work family’, like Dan always said. The worst was the longing that came with.

And the work. Neil loved the work. He forgot about the stopwatch ticking away, the impermanence of the situation, the danger of it all when he worked side by side with these people who took him in.

Show day dawned to be bright but crisp. Andrew picked him up at the hotel, like always, but it was much earlier than they usually started their day. 

They had spent most of last night working on final touches, and it was cozier than Neil thought possible with such a hard deadline looming. They had all piled into the sewing room and him and Kevin finalized the lineup while the others worked on details. The atmosphere had been warm and comfortable, and Neil felt content. The feeling was a drug, and he was already afraid that he would never have it again.

The car was uncharacteristically silent as he climbed in and a glance at the other occupants confirmed that they were as exhausted as him. Even Andrew had dark circles under his eyes, and Nicky was zoned out as he looked out the window. Nicky and Kevin both gave Neil a look of tired anticipation as he settled into the back seat and he grinned at them, and Andrew. Andrew just huffed, but Neil noticed that his jaw was softer today, his body less tense than usual.

The office had a similar mood, and Matt almost bowled Neil over when he got inside. Kevin attacked Nicky before he could leave for his office to talk about the logistics of the show being live streamed on instagram and Dan shouted at them for a team meeting. 

Neil dropped to the wall while everyone else crowded forward, trying to stay by Andrew. When Dan started her pep talk, Neil ignored it to pay attention to Andrews calm exterior.

“If I didn’t know you better, I would say that you were looking forward to this,” Neil murmured. 

Andrew huffed, a corner of his lip twitching a bit. “Good thing you know better then.”

Neil is sure that Dan’s speech is as motivating as they always are, but he ignores it in favour of watching Andrew play with his pack of cigarettes. He doesn’t need to be more excited, he needs to keep calm before the show.

Kevin has slipped into that razor focus that made Neil admire him in the beginning. He’s cool and composed, and he works surprisingly well with Neil. After criticizing him non stop over the past month or so, he seems to have forgotten about Neil’s shortcomings for the day. 

In fact, he hasn’t let loose a single well meant but brutal comment on anyone yet. He collaborates with every single member of the team (although there is a tense moment with Seth for a moment, before Renee refocuses their attention) to ensure that the day goes perfectly. 

The excitement is boiling away under the surface, but everyone is working harder than Neil has seen so far. Nicky has been running the social media and posting approved behind-the-scenes photos while they work, and Neil feels a surge of affection for the team. Matt ruffles his hair every time he passes by him, Jeremy sends him a bright grin when he pops in to chat with Kevin about something, Allison gives him a compliment peppered with profanity on the design of his that ended up in the line, and Renee squeezes his shoulder in passing. Never in his life has Neil felt this much love in a room, and not a single one of them were stuck with him. They just decided that they wanted him there. 

And, like a magnet, Neil’s gaze kept moving to Andrew. He still needs to talk with him about what happened at Edens Twilight and ask him why he pressured Kevin to include Neils design, but for now he’s content just to see the reliable black clad figure. Always the calm in the center of the storm.

By the time the makeup and hair is almost done and people are starting to take their seats out in the venue, the day is still going suspiciously well. 

“Something has to go wrong,” Neil says in disbelief to Dan. He’s standing at the bottom of the stairs where the models are starting to line up. They’ll be going up the stairs into the mansions grand hallway, where most of the guests are seated. From there, they will walk into the sitting room and circle back. The baroque styled, frilly venue had been chosen as a contrast to the sleek designs that made up the collection. It was a slightly run down old manor house with silk wallpaper from the early 20th century gracing the walls. Neil had helped Kevin look, and he was ridiculously pleased with the fact that Kevin chose it. Although, he probably chose it because Andrew had given it a nod of approval rather than because Neil liked it. He was pleased anyway.

Dan laughs. “I know, it never goes this well. Usually a hem tears or a gown suddenly doesn’t fit an hour before the show. But let’s cross our fingers that our luck holds.”

Neil nods, but he has a sinking feeling in his stomach that it won’t.

The cue that the show is nearly starting is Allison and Kevin showing up at the bottom of the stairs with the rest of the models. Neither of them look flustered in the slightest, despite the many shouts for their attention. Kevin sidles up to Neil and looks him up and down critically.

“You’ll do. Nicky did a good job.”

Neil snorts. His new wardrobe came back from Abby in the nick of time, and he’s wearing a charcoal three piece suit with a matching charcoal shirt and a gold brocade vest. Nicky had cried when he put it on, like it was his wedding day or something. From across the room Matt gives him a beaming thumbs up and Allison mouths something that he doesn’t catch but makes Dan laugh.  He feels himself blush, so he watches the models to hide it.

There’s a feeling of pride rising in his chest as he looks at the finished pieces. 

Never has he been a part of something so large, or something that was so close to his heart. He can hear the noise of a large crowd up the stairs and he can barely keep the grin in check. Kevin elbows him softly to catch his attention.

“Come,” he tells Neil, already walking up the stairs.

He leads them to the grand hallway, just behind the doorway that the models will come out of. The line of chairs are already full with big names that even Neil can recognize. They’re chatting amiably, like there aren’t a million cameras going off. He can see an even larger crowd in the sitting room, and yet more noise is coming from outside where guests are still arriving on the red carpet. It’s overwhelming and incredible and magnificent and Neil is certain that he made the right decision to stay.

By the time they’ve made it back down the stairs, Andrew and Renee have come back from wherever they disappeared to. It’s funny to see the staff all dressed up, even though they dress nicely for work every day. Andrew is wearing a full black suit with an asymmetrical vest. It reminds Neil of the jacket he designed for this collection. The thought nearly makes him trip on the stairs.

The show itself passes far faster than Neil would have expected. Nicky is still walking around, constantly updating their feed to keep viewers in the loop and Dan has an earpiece in to help her direct the models. She sends each of them up the stairs with a gentle push and a grin.

Neil almost wishes that he could watch the show from a seat, but he stands between Kevin and Allison who both explain what is happening as it progresses. 

They peel off to walk the runway at the end and Neil can hear the enormous applause, which the rest of the team joins in through the finale. Neil has relaxed, but that knot of dread is still in his stomach. As the models stream back in, he waits anxiously for Kevin and Allison to come back to the safety of the downstairs. It’s a silly thing, since they will all be milling around and chatting throughout the after party anyway, but he wishes that he could keep an eye on his people while it’s so crowded.

The applause downstairs stutters when Allison reappears, Kevin pale and shocked looking beside her. Her hand his gripping his arm and she looks furious. Renee and Andrew fight their way through the models as soon as they see them, Renee with a calm but determined look on her face. She says something briefly to Kevin, then gently rubs Allisons arm to soothe the anger the radiates off of her.

Neil shares a look with Allison, then works his way over to Kevin as well.

He’s leaning heavily on the wall, his tall frame dwarfed by his terror.

“What happened,” Andrew says harshly. Kevin’s breathe wheezes in his chest. “Kevin, what happened.”

“Riko’s here,” he says finally, sounding winded. All of Neil’s air leaves his lungs, but he concentrates on keeping on his feet. He can’t afford to lose his mind while Kevin is panicking so obviously. It would betray the fact that he knows the Moriyama’s too quickly to everyone in the vicinity. The entire team knew about Kevin and Riko’s past, it wouldn’t take long for them to put 2 and 2 together if Neil had a panic attack at the base of the stairs.

“How did he get in?” Neil asks once he’s certain that his voice won’t betray him.

Disgust twists Andrew’s face in a shocking show of emotion. “He has a vested interest in the company, nothing is stopping him from having a little visit.”

Kevin looks to be on the verge of tears. “I can’t do it Andrew, I can’t go back. Oh God, oh God.”

“Kevin” Andrew has a firm hold of his lapel in an effort to keep him standing. “Kevin, listen to me. You will not go back. Even if he asks you. Even if he orders you to. They need you here, remember? Ichirou needs this company to do well, and it won’t without you. So you can’t go back.”

Kevin nods and Andrew pulls a flask out of his vest pocket. Kevin grabs it and takes a few swigs, drinking like it’s water. Neil can smell the vodka from where he’s standing, and he grimaces at the scent.

Andrew slowly lets go, holding his hands up in case Kevin topples. There’s a tense moment while they watch Kevin get a hold of himself, then he nods firmly. 

“You two will stick by?” he asks, his voice the shell of his usual tone. Neil is surprised to be included in the ‘security detail’ along with Andrew, but he nods anyway.

“Into the frying pan…” Andrew mutters as they follow Kevin back into the fray.