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davinaclaire16 · 10 months

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Wings of Dusk pt. 10

AzrielxReader + HelionxReader

Warnings: abuse. War

I just wanted to thank everyone who's been patient with me. I've had two emergency surgeries and a death in my family so it's taken me second. I appreciate everyone support so much!!

“Cassain! Where is he Rhysand?” You had burst into the camps healing tent. It had been a month since the fight between you and Azriel. A month since you’d been Mated to Helion. Unfortunately for the two of you the wall had fallen the next day and since then there had been battle after battle. You didn’t have time to talk about it or let any one know and right now as you were standing soaked in blood waiting to see if Cassain was ok it was the furthest thing from your mind.

“He’s going to be ok Y/n’ it was then that Rhysand had actually looked at you. Soaked in blood your white leathers had turned crimson red a long time ago. There were bags under your eyes and dried blood in your hair. He didn’t know where the blood stopped and you begun. He knew that you were exhausted. You all were but he had watched you slash your way through half of Hyberns army. Knew that you were pulling more that your fair share of the force on the ground while him and his brothers took to the sky. He had watched you time and time again from the sky jump in front of your men ready to die for every single one of them but here you stood unharmed.

“Y/n you need to rest please” he hoped that you would listen because having you and Feyre out there fighting was too much. He couldn’t afford to loose anyone in his family but he had lost You and Feyre once and couldn’t… wouldn’t do it again. With Feyre he could always feel the bond know in a second if something was wrong. He couldn’t do the same for you at all. He could get Feyre to rest. Could plead with her to fall back and Feyre would always understand respect his worry. With you he couldn’t tell or ask you to do anything. If he told you to pull back you pushed forward. If he said take a break you’d work twice as hard. He didn’t know how to protect you because you wouldn’t let him or anyone.

“I’m fine Rhysand” hearing this Rhys got visibly agitated. His weight shifted from foot to foot. It took real effort on his part not to roll his eyes into the back of his head.

“You are not fine. None of us are fine but you haven’t taken more then 15 mins since the first battle. You need to take a break. I mean seriously y/n when was the last time you slept.?”

Your brother was right you were not fine but to be honest you didn’t know how to be. There was something about war…you couldn’t just sit and do nothing. Couldn’t sleep when you could be training or coming up with battle strategies. You couldn’t do nothing when your family…your men were risking their lives and could be dead any second. This was where everything you’d ever been taught came into play. Where years of insisted perfection paid off. Because anything less then perfection out on that battle field could cost you and somebody else there life. You were prepared to die every time you stepped out of your tent. Ready to give your life for anyone of your soldiers on that field.

“I know your worried about me brother. The same as I’m worried about you. But just as you can’t promise me you will live, I can’t promise you either. However I can keep the promise we made as children.” With that you had told Rhys to update you about Cassain, gave him a hug and exited the tent. You remembered back to that promise Rhys and you had made centuries ago. You remembered that night like it was a week ago.

“Father I think maybe it would be wiser not to involve Rhysand in this war.” You pleaded for your brothers safety to your father. You knew that you were walking a very dangerous line but you had to try. Hell your mother had even requested you to “talk some sense into your father” which of course she didn’t need to do she had asked while you were already on the way to his office. Whenever your family needed something from your father it was always you they would send. Like they knew you were the only one who could be in his presence that he wouldn’t immediately beat. This night was a strangely quiet night at your home.

“Absolutely not Y/n. He is my son he will fight. No matter how insistent you and your mother are.” your father was sitting at his desk he didn't offer you anymore than a glance. You could feel your nerves this kind of defiance was unlike you. Typically your defiance was classier. It could almost go undetected like a faint thread of manipulation hidden under a smile and a logical response. You were calculated in everything that you did...but not that night. That night you had only one rhys life on your mind.

“Of course father, my apologies I just thought that since he’s your next successor then-“ the room was tense, you kept your wings so tightly pressed against your back the pain had started to creep its way up your shoulders.

“Enough Y/N! Your brother will fight and if he can’t survive then it’s due to his own incompetence and failure!” Your fathers word stung. You didn’t know how he could care so much for you and not at all for your brother and sister. It was clear your father didn’t care if Rhys was ready to fight. Or even if he was given a better chance of survival. You could see on your fathers desk that he planned to place Rhysand right on the front lines. It was almost as if your father was trying to get your brother killed.

“At least keep him in the sky with Azriel and Cassian! They fight better together.” the second the words left your mouth you knew it would send him into a rage.

“Y/N you forget your place!” Your fathers voice boomed, He stood from his desk so fast you flinched on instinct. His voice so loud you were sure that it carried down the hall where your family was residing. But you had to continue, it wasn't an option not to make him change his mind. Otherwise your brother would pay the price.

“I’ll fight on the front lines in his place! Just please father.” You spit the words out as fast as you could before your father could throw you out.

“You can’t keep protecting that boy Y/n. One day that protection will cost you your life.”

That day you had left your fathers office with a black eye, a busted lip and a guaranteed death sentence on the front lines. You knew that he would retaliate by your lack of obedience but you couldn’t afford not to fight him. Not when the cost was your brother. For as long as you could remember you always protected your mother, sister, and brother. Had taken lashes, foul words, and their punishment so that they could have some sense of peace. Kept the true price for their safety as secret as you could. Glamoured the marks. Put on the mask of confidence and indifference.

Later that day your brother had come running into your room

“Y/N! I just talked to father and got my assignment and placement in the war effort. Get this he’s keeping me in the sky.. same fleet as Azriel and Cassian! I can’t believe it. Whats your assignment? Did he give you your own fleet to command or are somewhere higher. Maybe commander?” Rhys had ran in so quickly that you almost didn’t have time to glamour your face. But the second you saw the joy on his face all the pain washed away. like it did every single time. How many times had you hid the bruises and scars upon your body for your siblings... you couldn't keep track anymore but every time you saw their faces the pain or thought of telling them disappeared

“Umm I am on the front lines” You mustered every bit of confidence you had to try and calm Rhysands worry. You could tell if wasnt nearly enough as you watched your brother begin to panic and break down.

“What?!? No! Why would he do such a thing. I thought for certain he’d give you something. Of more importance! This is absurd. I’ll go talk to him! HE CANT… He JUST CANT-

“HE CAN. And He did. And YOU! Will not breathe one word of this to him. Do you understand?” You waited for Rhys to reply needed him to tell you he wouldn’t provoke your father further. But Rhys only stood there staring at you. So you walked over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders

“Do you understand Rhysand?” you meant it as a question but it came out more as a demand.

“yes I understand” he answered meekly you sighed a thank you to the Mother.

“Thank you.... And Rhys don’t argue with father. Do as he says and listen to his every command. Especially on that battle field.” Rhys only laughed and rolled his eye at your comment.

“Pfft come on Y/n, I know, I know.” Your brother laughed like you weren’t being serious. Like it was something you warned him of everyday. Which he wasn’t wrong but your father wouldn’t be as “forgiving” with Rhys now. He would actually expect Rhysand to perform otherwise it was his reputation that was put at risk.

“I’m serious Rhysand. Do not provoke him. Do not give him any reason to reprimand you. You need to be training everyday and not just till you’re tired like you do now. You need to practice until you’re perfect. He will expect you to be the epitome of perfection and wrath on the battle field.”

“Please I’m not you y/n he couldn’t give two shits about how I perform. I’ve worked my ass off trying to prove I could be worth his Time but no matter how “perfect” I perform, it all about you.” Rhysands words came with a bite. Underlined with jealousy. You wished your father cared for Rhys and your sister....more than anything. But if your ability to protect them meant they had to stay out of his eyesight you would fill this roll everytime.

“I won’t be around forever to protect you from him Rhys. This time he put me in the grunt position and you in the high seat. He’s not expecting me not to embarrass him. I’m expected to be dead before that fight begins. You will be the one who will have to be perfect for him because any weakness in you will make him look bad. You’re his trophy now not me. You will have to protect our sister and mother from him once I’m gone. DO NOT PROVOKE HIM ANYMORE. No more running out with Cassian and Az acting like children. He will take notice and I won’t be there to distract him.” You had never been so serious with Rhys before. Had never spoken to him with such aggression and demand for him to understand. But you needed him to understand because you could not protect him once you were gone. You had shielded him from this for a long as you could.

Rhys didn’t know what to do. He was shocked and scared. Like for the first time he got a glimpse of the pressure and weight that laid on your shoulders. Never thought about how much exactly you shielded him and your sister from. He knew that many times you were the difference between being beat and being sent to his room but had you given more for his protection then he thought? All of these things ran through his mind but what he couldn’t get over was how easily you had admitted you were going to die. How that was the last thing on your mind. But it was the biggest on his mind

“Do you really believe your going to die” Rhys tried to say without shedding a tear but it was clear that he was about to become a mess.

“Oh Rhys I- I will always be honest with you when you ask me something you know that….the truth is that it’s very likely almost impossible not to on the front line.”

“You can’t die out there y/n. Promise me you won’t die out there.” Rhysands voice cracked and tears streamed down his face.

“Rhys I can’t promise you that.” You couldn’t promise him you’d survive so you did the only thing you could do. you held him and for a while the two of you didn’t say anything. Accepting that the each of you could die very soon.

“I can’t promise you I’ll live. But I do promise that I will die fighting to stay alive for you. Can you promise me the same?

“I can. I promise y/n.” And just like that a tattoo formed on your body right behind your ear with a matching tattoo behind Rhys ear.

To this day it was the only tattoo on your body. You didn’t believe in promises did everything you could to avoid them actually but it was a promise that kept you and Rhys connected. A promise that reminded you of how your relationship with your brother used to be. How he used to look up to you and trusted you…. Now you were last person he’d trust to do his laundry. Just another hurdle in his life as High Lord.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{+}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Again! I want it perfect this time!” It had been 3 weeks since Cassian was injured and thank the Mother he was back on his feet. Rhysand had asked you to lead a fleet of rejected Illyrians. Illyrians who had failed miserably every step of their training.

“Y/n please if anyone could make them capable fighters in this short amount of time. It’s you. I’d ask Cassian but he’s healing right now.”

“Rhysand I’m already leading a fleet of day soldiers. Also their Illyrians and I don’t know if you’ve noticed I’m a female…they won’t listen to me.”

“Then make them.”

And that is how you had ended up here. With Day soldiers and Illyrians at each others throats. The Illyrians had actually improved impressively since the first week. You were quick to put them in their place and after three weeks of hard non stop training some of them had even come to respect you. Others were still learning that it was possible a female could run laps around them. On the other hand the Day soldiers were continued to give you an impressive amount of respect and obedience they were more skilled then most of the Illyrians but that was only because they had been training with you longer. But the respect and courteousness of Day combined with the Arrogance and disrespect of the Illyrians didn’t mix well. It led to unnecessary tension you would have to fix. At any moment another battle could arise and they would have to fight with each without trying to kill the other. You had been stuck in your own thoughts when you spotted Helion outside your tent.

“Kemal and Theo grab a weapon and step into the ring Everyone else work on your blocks and dodges.” Kemal had been the Illyrian who had improved the most while Theo was your best soldier from Day. You were truly curious to see who would best who. But you had business to attend to first.

“When I get back everything better be in order or we aren’t breaking for dinner till breakfast” you said as you walked into your tent with Helion following.

“Helion… what do I owe the pleasure?”

“What I can’t come see my mate without a reason” Helion teased while placing a kiss on my temple. You simply laughed.

“I suppose you don’t. However my mate typically does have a reason.” You and Helion had decided not to accept the bond until after the war and to keep the bond a secret until after as well. But you two would undoubtedly accept it the second the war was over. The two of you had found solice and joy in each other in such an awful time. With flirty remarks and touches you kept each other fae while the world threatened to make monsters out of you.

“Ok fine you got me I’m checking in to see how your troops progress is going.”

Helion had taken a seat on your cot and you had found your self standing between his legs running your hands through his hair.

“They are progressing well. I’m no longer worried about the Illyrians fighting they improved however now I worry about the tension between the two groups.” You whispered and could feel Helion relax under your touch

“I don’t understand why your brother gave you them in the first place. You have far exceeded enough favors for him. He cant just keep expecting you to jump to his every whim. What will he do when you become my High Lady? Continue to treat you like your less than-“

“High lady?” You didn’t know why his words had shocked you so much it hadn’t even occurred to you that you’d become a High Lords mate. It wasn’t that you hadn’t expected Helion to treat you as an equal it was more that you had given up those foolish dreams long ago.

“Oh Y/n sorry I didn’t mean to assume you’d court me after I just had thought we were on the same page.”

“No-no Hel that’s not what I meant we are on the same page. I just I don’t know. Hadn’t thought about what my title would be.”

“Did you expect to be anything less? You are my mate. My equal and your brother started something of importance I intend to uphold.”

“Oh Hel I lo-“

“Y/N! I need you now!” Rhysand had come running into the room so fast I had withdrawn my weapon from the sheer shock of it. Helion had instinctively stepped in front of you

“Rhysand you cannot just storm into my tent and demand I go with you.”

“It’s Azriel” that’s all he had to say and you were as serious as could be and running out of your tent without thought. Leaving Helion and rushing to Az.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N thank the mother your here….it’s his wings y/n we need your help.” Cassian looked like more of an emotional reck then Rhys. You could feel the pit of worry growing to a disastrous size. You had no idea what to expect.

“Ahhhhhh, STOP, AHHHHH” you could hear Azriels screams from outside the door. You felt like you were going to be sick like everything in you depended on him surviving.

“Y/N! You need to get in there.” Both Cassian and Rhys stated. They looked like the two little boys you remember making food for. For a split second they mirrored their younger selves coming and pleading to you to make all their problems disappear. But as much as you wanted to make their sorrow go away your feet wouldn't budge. You had no control over your body.

“What?!? I can’t go in there. No I….I can’t.” You couldn’t go in there and see the shape he was in, you would break down the second you saw him.

“Y/N you have to. You’ve studied wings and repairs and clipping reversals for centuries. You studied under Madja. Y/N I’ve seen you save hundreds of wings and Madja needs your help and another person skilled enough to heal his wings so he can still fly after.” Everything they said made sense. It was all logical and you knew that. But it didn’t change that your feet were glued where they were. You indeed had studied under Madja. After you lost your wings you were obsessed with finding a way to reattach them it drove you mad. Once you realized it was just an impossible obsession. Your motivation for the knowledge changed to finding a way to heal or reverse clippings for all those poor girls. Even Illyrian soldiers who’d been injured in the war. You had secretly set up a safe haven for girls who needed immediate help in the mountains. You couldn’t always save the wings but if you couldn’t you could at least ease the pain they’d feel for the rest of their lives.

You were by no means a better healer than Madja you wouldn’t even say you were a healer. You were just skilled in this one area of study because maybe if there was someone who knew all that you knew your back wouldn’t ache everyday. Madja was the best, a great healer and she had taught you well you had just “specialized” and been able to do more with wings.

“Y/N Madja is asking for you” you heard Rhysand say. You wished, wished that you could pull yourself together right now but everything was foggy and blurring together all you could hear was Azriels cries and with each of them you felt more faint. Everyone was frantic, crying, screaming at you. But you couldn’t pull your self out of this state until

“y/n…I know that you love him. I know he is a very dear friend to you and I know that this cannot be easy. I know that your fear and worry for him is over taking you and that is understandable. But right now he needs you to help him.” Feyre spoke to you softly and with love. You could see her compassion and even her own fear in her eyes. Those eyes got your attention enough to realize the severity of the situation and that time was running out.

“Yes I’m. Im sorry. Thank you” you said as you entered the room that Azriel was in. He was laying on his stomach. Head tossing with his arms hanging of the bed. The first thing you saw was blood. There was so much blood. His wings had cuts , breaks, and tares all over them. It was awful, heartbreaking to see his once strong wings torn and tattered. The next thing you noticed was how much pains he was in. His cries and jerking. How every time he jerked or moved the more blood there was.

“Mother thank you, Y/N I need some help stabilizing him. He won’t calm down and if he doesn’t calm down soon he will have lost to much blood.”

Immediately you started to help Madja try and stop the bleeding. You grabbed a cloth and began to apply pressure to his left wing. You weren’t prepared for the screams and cries that came from him.

“I’m sorry….I’m sorry.” You had whispered under your breath over and over again.

“Y/n! I need you to calm him down” Madja instructed.

I can’t I’ll get Rhys or Cassian they can talk to him and Rhys can help ease his pain.

“No they’ve gone to get more elixirs form my office”

You tried to ask him to calm down but nothing. So finally you went to the head of the bed and crouched down so that the two of you were face to face.

“Az I need you stay still for me.” His face was scrunched up and tears were streaming down his face. You didn’t know what else to do so you went with your gut. You brought one of your hands and cupped his cheek while the other grabbed his hand and held it.

“It’s going to be ok Azriel. I’m here I’m going to help you. But I need you to calm down for me. I will not stop until I know that you’ll fly again. But I need you to calm down because every time you jerk or thrash you loose more blood.”

“Y/n i…I’m sorr-“

“None of that. None of that matters right now. Right now I need you to know that I have you. And that I’m sorry for what I have to do. Hold onto this bar ok this is going to hurt.” He squeezed your hand and met you eyes once more. It was a glace that told each of you everything you needed to know.

After he had calmed down you, you tied your hair back and instructed Madja.

“Madja we need to reset the bones now if he stands a chance to ever use them again.”

“That will be far to painful without anymore elixir.” Madja responded with a pained look on her face almost like she was praying that Rhys and Cassian would walk through those doors right now.

“I know that. But we have already lost vital time. And too much blood. It we don’t reset them now then that’s it.” You didnt want to be the fae doing this. prayed to the mother that someone could take your place or that he hadnt been hurt in the first place. Something in you called out to him willing him to hold on. Ensuring him you would do everything you could.

“How much time do we have to wait” was her only reply. As you looked at his body laying on the table you knew he didnt have long but you werent sure if you could bring yourself to break his bone with no way of easing his pain.

“We can only wait 5 more minutes but that mean we don’t have a second to make a mistake we will have to be perfect”

“You’re the expert on this Y/n I’ll follow your instruction” you spared one more glance at Azriel and made a decision within yourself.

“5 minutes” and those were the longest 5 minutes of your lifetime. You and Madja spent it packing his open wounds and staring at the door. By the end of the five minutes you were curing the mother that the only thing your power was capable of was destructive. It consumed and snuffed out unlike feyres or rhysands. They could silence pain, help heal and all you could do was expediate death.

“Thats 5 minutes” you stated with zero joy there was no sign of Rhys or Cass and you would of cursed them but just as you were about to break the first bone Cass and Rhys come running into the room with at least Madja whole stock of Elixirs.

“Give it to him now!” You said and broke the first bone and the scream that fell from Azriels mouth broke your heart. But you knew you had no choice but to keep going and with each break another agonizing scream.

“Rhysand! Put him to sleep!” You yelled at Rhysand while breaking and resetting 2 more bones.

“What I thought Madja said-“

“PUT HIM TO SLEEP RHYSAND” it’s wasn’t instruction or a question it was a command and Rhys didn’t dare finish that sentence and quickly put Azriel to sleep.

“Out” was all you said and Madja shoved them out.”

Madja turned and for just a second watched as a tear rolled down your face. How you moved swiftly and precisely. Not making a single mistake completely focused on repairing his wings. You worked and worked until there was no more work to do.

14 long grueling hours of, resetting, packing, bandaging, and more work but after 14 hours you would of gone 32 hours to know for certain he’d fly again. It wasn't until you were done and collapsed that Cassian had come to retrieve you. You were nothing more than a statue exhausted, silent, and covered in Azriels blood. Cassian had brought you to the shower and helped clean the blood off of you. He didn't expect any words to be exchanged he knew that you had shut out any emotion while you were working on him so everything came up once you were done.

Cassain had seen you like this once before when your family had been murdered. Found you curled up outside of your fathers office staring off into a void. Tried to get you to speak but nothing. He stayed with you all night that night just sitting there with you. You had even completly shocked him that moring when rhysand came down the hall and you shot up, pulled yourself together and were the image of perfection. Went right to taking care of Rhys like there was nothing wrong with you to begin with. If Cas hadnt sat with you all night he would of thought their death had no affect on you. It was that morning Cas realized just how much you loved rhys. How much of yourself you hid away to care for him. How much you had given to become the strong, capable and invincible older sister that all of them had known their whole life. Azriel and Cas had found a way to see through the mask throughout the centuries. It took a long time and it was still difficult to see through they had seen all the signs through out years and years of friendship that showed you were just a female with the weight of prythian on her shoulders. Cas didnt think Rhys was ever able to see through the mask. He still treated you like you were unbreakable. You were and always have been his very capable rock of an older sister.

So now Cas knew what was going to happen. Knew that come morning you would go right back to working like Azriel almost dying had never happened. Like having to hear his screams and be the one to keep pulling him back from death was just another tuesday. But for tonight he'd help wash off the blood and force you to stop scrubbing under your nails when there is no more traces of blood so you didnt rub your hands raw. Hold you while you screamed and beat his chest while tears streamed down your face, insisting you were fine. He would hold you all night while you sobbed and found irrational ways to blame yourself. That is exactly what Cas did and the next morning when Rhys came to check in with you he watched as you smiled at your brother and asked him "why wouldn't I be ok brother? He's fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azriel had slept for 5 days. Slowly coming in and out. Any second you had that wasn’t spent teaching was spent next to Azriel, watching his vitals, tending to his wounds , and ensuring the wing bracing hadn’t slipped or moved. Yet the second he awoke you stayed away. You didn’t know what it was that kept you away after he had awoken.

The fear that he didn’t want to see you? That you weren’t ready to forgive him? You didn’t know. Maybe it was that you’d never kept secrets from him and now you were mated and you didn’t know why that made a difference but it did. Was it that you couldn’t trust yourself around him? Or maybe it was simply that Helion had confronted you while he was asleep about the way you felt.

“Y/n I’m not trying to sound jealous or pushing over my line I just want to ensure that you feel nothing for him in that way anymore.”

“Helion you’re joking right? He’s unconscious. I’m simply helping a friend.”

“Y/n this is the first time I’ve talk to you in a week. You have avoided, pushed me off, and ran from me. While your every second is spent here in this tent with him. Rhysand and Madja have assured me and you that he will wake. That he’s fine…..if this is just you worrying for a friend then I entirely understand. However you can’t blame me for being worried. I found out you were my mate the same night you tried to start a relationship with him. I just want to check in with you about where you stand with this bond…..that we want the same thing.

“Helion I- I don’t know what I want the war is all I can think about and then Azriel got hurt. I was concerned for my friend.”

“Ok y/n I understand…. I think it’s best that we pull back a little then. Maybe completely until after the war that just so you have time to think about what you want.”

“Hel that’s not what I meant-“

“Y/n my sweet I am not mad at you. Nothing I have said was against you. You have every right to love whoever and want whatever it is that makes you happy. I’ve just. I’ve loved before and I’ve been stripped of that love. That was one of the hardest things I have been through and I don’t know if I could survive the rejection from my mate if I let myself continue to fall in love with you. Don’t get me wrong I’m already so far deep but I could pull myself out and keep some of my heart. But if don’t pull myself back and I continue to let myself have everything that I want and you were to change your mind it would break me. My heart is yours to have if you want it. All I’m asking is that your sure it’s my heart that you want before we continue.” With that Helion had kissed your forehead and left you outside of the medic tent.

If you had been paying attention you may of caught the pair of eyes from inside that were locked on you and Helion. Maybe of even seen the way Azriel had tried to push him self up to hear the whispered fight the two of you were having.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N” he’s been asking for you.

“I’m not going I have far to much work to do and not enough time.” Rhysand only sighed at you. This is the 5th person who had come to your tent and pleaded with you to see Azriel. First it was Cassain going on and on about how if it weren’t for that one fight you’d be right by his side and instead of him trying to get you to see him, he’d be trying to get you to leave.

When you had told Cassian to fuck off then they sent Mor who described in vivid detail how every time someone walks into the medic tent Azriel is practically breaking his neck to see if it was you. That he is just wrecked with guilt over everything he said. When you had told her you didn’t care she just walked out in disbelief.

Then they had decided to send Feyre…thought maybe because she stopped you from panicking maybe she could convince you to go see him. “Y/n please I know he hurt you. But doesn’t that pale in comparison after almost losing him? I saw you that day you care for him and up until he woke up you were there. Why is it different now that he’s awake?” You had only told Feyre that your decision had been made.

Before they had sent Amren you thought they had given up. Turns out they were just deliberating on who to send. “Girl you need to get your shit together and see the boy.” “No I don’t.” “You need to come see him if I have to watch him mope around like a kicked dog one more day I’m going to kill somebody.” Amren had just stormed out. She gave you the impression that if she had stayed a little longer she would have shared something with you she wasn’t supposed to.

Eventually you found yourself here arguing with your dear brother.

“Y/n you cannot be serious about this. You can’t avoid him forever” Rhysand only pleaded with you.

“I am, I can, and he made it very clear he wanted me to stay away that Is what I’m doing.” You were tired of this. You knew they had watched him say those things to you. Knew what it meant to you. How could they still be insistent you needed to get over it.

“Y/N he didn’t mean-

“I don’t care. I’m not going. I took beatings, I went with Amarantha, I have stayed in your court. Took in your Illyrian troops, saved his wings, and jeopardized a relationship I really cared about by the way, I have sense agreed to seduce Eris about Beron joining this war. What more do you want from me brother? You were broken, could feel all the tape and glue coming apart. Helion had decided to give you space. You couldn’t blame him it was smart and responsible for the both of you. But that left you alone with a troop at each others throat. And friends dying everyday. You just wanted everyone to let you be.

“I want you to go see him.” Was his only reply and you couldn’t believe it or could you? All you were to him was a chess piece to play. Not a sister, not a friend, or a member of his court. Just a pawn to be placed. With that he made his way out of your tent but right before he left you simply replied with what you realized he wanted from you.

“Of course my lord”

What you didn’t expect was for that to make him stop in his tracks and turn around. He stared at you for awhile and you stared back. Neither of you said a word but you could tell he wanted to say 1000 things but not one left his lips.

Rhysand felt guilt overtake him the second the words left your mouth. He knew that all he did was ask more of you. Knew what he sentenced you to under the mountain. A part of him knew he still looked up to you. While the other part only blamed you. For everything. For Mother and your little sister Marjorie. He looked at you and saw the person his father picked every time. He was too busy teaching you how to balance the courts expenses when he bested Cassain the first time. Too busy introducing you to high lords and their sons when he made carynthian. And off instructing you of the do’s and don’ts of war when mother and Marjorie were killed. He had so much bitterness in him but he knew you did everything for him. Held him together and all he did was let his bitterness take over him.

“I’m sorry about Azriel Y/n”

“Why? That may be the one thing that truly isn’t on your shoulder Rhys. He just doesn’t feel for me the way I had him.” The look that Rhysand gave you before leaving almost fooled you. Almost had you believing guilt flashed through his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{*}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hated coming to Rhys side of the war tents. It always got you into uncomfortable situations with someone. However we were about to head to the human lands for the last battle fortunately you had finally solidified your troops. Day soilders had learned how to loosen up, Illyrians learned some respect and they were actually getting along. The Illyrian almost made a complete 180 with them actually respecting your power. Asking you actual tips to get better had even included you in some of the barrack pranks. They were ready and you could say that you were proud of the work they had accomplished. As you thought you couldn’t help overhearing the argument coming from the medic tent and peeking in.

“I am coming. I’m fighting in that battle.” You could hear Azriel grunting as he got up from his cot.

“You are not” Cassain and Rhys were quick to respond.

“I am”

“You will not Azriel if you fight you will not fly again.” Madja interrupted and you could feel the shift in the room. Saw the way Cassain and Rhysand shared a look and the way Azriel froze.

“I forbid it Az you will stay here and that is final.” Rhysand commanded and exited the tent on the opposite end with cas and madja followings

Maybe you should of left. Maybe you should of stayed and slipped in when you saw that he was still insistent on going but you couldn’t allow that to happen.

“You better get back in that cot” you had said with your back to a supporting post of the tent.

Azriel flew his head to your voice. Like he didn’t believe it. Couldn’t

“Y/n”

“You can’t do what I know you’re about to do Azriel. You will never fly again. Take it from somebody who knows that pain doesn’t go away.”

“I have to. My entire family is fighting today. What would I be if they died while I laid in this tent.”

“It means youre safe and healing properly. It also means the hours of work I did to save those bat wings don’t go wasted.” You joked and you saw tension roll off Azriels shoulders. “Well um anyway I should get going don’t do anything stupid” as you were leaving azriel grabbed your shoulder and spun you around.

“Y/n, please don’t die. I uhhh, I need you to know... ya know about what I said its-

"Azriel. You can tell me after this war.....look you were right I am exactly what my father raised me to be. Which is why i wont die on that field, I have been in war with far worse odds and lived. I was born for times such as this." You were looking at Az but the male staring back at you wasn't someone you had ever met. There was fear and regret swirling behind his golden orbs. Fear you had never seen Azriel have but this fear was new, like if he released his grip from your shoulder his world would come crashing down.

Azriel stood staring at you with no mask to hide behind. He was wracked with terror. You were once again going into a dangerous situation without him. He would have no way of ensuring your safety... no way of knowing youd come back to but the hope he had in his heart. If that hope was the only thing that could bring you back after this war then mother he'd have more hope then there was in all of pryrinthian.

Before you knew what was happening Azriels had craddled your head back and his lips had met yours. This kiss was different than the first. It wasnt full of lust, desire, and hunger. No this kiss was gentle, it was soft and warm something you couldnt help but melt into. His tongue dipped into your mouth you couldnt help the muffled gasp that escaped from you. He smelled of cedar and ash and in this moment it was like the only thing that existed... the only thing that mattered were the two of you. His shadows danced around your two forms and it felt as if you'd been made whole could of sworn that you felt something snap in your chest. As fast as it came it had disapeared and Azriel had pulled away cupped your cheek and pressed his forehead to yours and whispered.

"just come back to me" before you could reply he had winnowed away leaving you flushed with a sense of guilt as you felt Helion tug on the bond.

--------------------------------------{*}-------------------------------------

When you had finally found Mor to winnow you to the human lands it was chaotic. Humans running and some flat out calling you wicked things simply because you tried to help them. After coralling what felt like hundreds of humans it was time to have march into battle with the king of hybern. You couldnt say that you were ready but you could say that youd give everything you had to ensure the people you loved came out of this war.

--------------------------------------{*}-------------------------------------

In the midst of Battle you struggled to breath there was so much blood. It was like you were drowning in it. Hybern Soldiers just kept coming so just you kept slashing them down one by one. When the battle had first started you could see Cassian and Rhys in the skies but blood coated your eyes so that all you could truly see was right in front of you. Your men surrounded you and as you looked to your left and right you could tell they were just as exhausted as you. Every now and then you or Helion would tug on the bond just to give peace of mind that the other was still ok. As time went on you weren’t sure if you’d win this war. It seemed that the Hybern Soldiers just outnumbered you. Many lives were lost and the battle went on. You used every bit of strength and ounce of magic you had. Especially when you heard Nestas scream for Cassian. It was so loud that both you and Cas had whipped your head around and if it had been a second longer both you and Cas would have been dead but you called to the power inside of you and wrapped the starlight around yours and Cassians figure tightly. Pushed up a wall of pure power to protect your men on the battle field. The blast was so strong it brought you to your knees and the scream that left you broke Cassians heart. But he Watched as you fought every second holding the shield and wall against the blast. Honestly after that the war was a blur. The only other thing you remember after that was Rhys.

You could remember right before your brother had died. You magic racing across to Hybern. To tear his very heart out for threatening Rhys. You remember the panic and dread. Your power an inch of hybern when one of his men had tackled you to the ground. And then you felt it the tattoo on your neck glow and disappear. You had sliced the soldiers throat so fast and stood. Had to know if what you felt was true and when you saw Rhys body and Feyre screaming the world went black.

The next thing you knew you were being carried by Helion off of the field. Madja over your body. You were in and out of consciousness. one second there was madja or mor, then Cas and always Hel. But it wasnt until you saw Rhys. You saw your brother and you could feel the smile on your face. Had determined he was there to take you home.

"rhys...' you let out with a shaky breath.

"Y/N thank the mother, Y/n you are going to be ok". You could hear Panic and see tear on your brothers face which confused you. You were ready you just wanted to be with him and here he was telling you no.

"y/n please Im ok. But you have to be ok. Im alive you can come back. COME on Y/N. You promised remember.. You promised me... Y-

you watched in and out how upset rhys was how worked up he was. Saw as Cassian dragged him away and then nothing.

When you finally awoke your family filled you in and just like that you insisted you were fine. Now arguing in your room with Helion who hadn't left your side. went on about how you needed to slow down. to go back home to day and relax.

"I couldn't of lost you Y/N" Helion shared as he let out a sigh.

"Hel Im ok. Its going to be ok." you held him as he cried for awhile until he stood.

"Come back home. I'll know you're safe there. I can even ensure i dont go overboard with overprotecting you." you could see the love shing through Hels eyes. Could feel how much needed you to say yes. To let him care for you flowing through the bond.

"Ok ok... we will pack tomorrow tonight just be with me."

"I love you Y/n"

With that Helion brought you in and kissed you longingly. Like this was what he needed to ground him in your safety.

Poor Azriel couldn't pull his gaze from your bedroom window. Where he stood outside with a bouquet of flowers eye glued to the scene above him. You smiling at Helion, his hands on your hips looking down at you with so much love almost Azriel could feel it. Watched as he placed a kiss on your lips and how you only deepened it. how you leaned into him and flung your arms around his neck. Watched as Helion lifted you up with your lips still attached to one another. And he especially couldn't tear his gaze away when he felt a golden thread snap into view...connecting him to you. Azriel sat atop that mountain with those flowers with his heart breaking long after the lights of your bedroom had gone out.

Tags

@mis-lil-red @bankerfrog @paasrin @judig92 @boys-no-books-better @powerfulpantera @randomfortheday @answer-the-sirens @kuraikei @issybee0611 @lennaleen @starryhiraeth

#acotar fanfiction #a court of war and ruin #acotar x reader #azrielxreader #acotar series #acotar fluff #azriel spymaster #azriel fanfic #a court of mist and fury #azriel acotar #azriel fic #helion acotar #helion x reader #cassian #rhysand

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Adult Swim

We originally planned to talk about Step by Step during Work, Bitch, and Nini hadn't planned to watch La Pluie until the fall. However, because all of us refused to give up on La Pluie, Nini joined us around episode 8. Both of these shows inspired more writing than we've seen since the heyday of Bad Buddy or I Told Sunset About You. Surface-level engagement was all-but-impossible with either of these shows, and honestly wrung us out more than we were expecting.

It's time for the kids to get out of the pool for the grown folks to talk as Ben and Nini open their third eyes and discuss Step by Step and La Pluie.

Listen on Apple Podcasts!

Listen on Google Podcasts!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond to chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Welcome 1:15 - Intro 2:08 - Step by Step 4:40 - Step by Step: A Moment of Simping 8:40 - Step by Step: Big Themes 16:52 - Step by Step: The Romance 25:45 - Step by Step: Story Execution 50:25 - Step by Step: Where are we on Tee Bundit? 53:10 - La Pluie 57:50 - La Pluie: The Soulmate Myth 1:08:22 - La Pluie: Lomfon is Rude! 1:13:30 - La Pluie: Tai Also Deserves Some Smoke 1:18:26 - La Pluie: Tai’s Dad Read as Queer 1:20:48 - La Pluie: The Romance 1:32:06 - La Pluie: Depiction of Male Anger 1:35:50 - La Pluie: Treatment of Nara 1:40:47 - La Pluie: The Side Characters 1:44:02 - La Pluie: Sequel Potential 1:46:01 - Outro

The Conversation: Now With Transcripts!

We received an accessibility request to include transcripts for the podcast. We are working with @ginnymoonbeam on providing the transcripts and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes. When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

0:00 - Welcome

Nini

Hello, hello! Your QL fandom aunty and uncle are here with giant sunglasses, brown liquor in a flask, a folded five-dollar bill to slip into your hand when no one is looking, lukewarm takes, occasional rides on the discourse, deep dives into artistry and the industry.

Ben

Lots of simping! I’m Ben.

Nini

I’m Nini.

Ben

And this is The Conversation. About once a season, we plan to swan in and shoot the shit on faves, flops, and trends that we’ve been noticing in the BL, GL, or QL Industry. Between seasons, you can find us typing way too many words on Tumblr.

1:15 - Intro

Nini

Hey Ben, what are we talking about tonight?

Ben

Tonight it's time for Adult Swim. Kids: out of the pool! This season led to so much more writing and meta than we've seen in a really long time. There was so much to say about both of these shows that we ended up needing to move both of these shows out of separate episodes and just shove them into one.

Tonight we will be discussing Step by Step and La Pluie, and then we'll return with you all at the end with some final thoughts. Nini and I are bracing for this, because we have a lot to say to each other. [laughs]

Nini

This is gonna be round two of fight night apparently, not on everything but on some things. So you guys stay tuned and we'll see you at the end!

2:08 - Step by Step

Nini

Okay, Ben this time I got my eye black on for you. So let's talk Step by Step. Tell the people, what is Step by Step about?

Ben

Step by Step is a workplace drama that centers around a young man named Pat, who is maybe 25 — there was some confusion about that at the end?

Nini

Shade!

Ben

…who is returning to Thailand after completing some of his graduate studies, and is now working at a large corporation inside of an office tower. He is the low man on the totem pole in the sort of digital division of this corporation, and is having a very difficult time. Very early on, he has a kind of flirty interaction with the largest man who has ever existed in BL, and takes a shine to him, but is disappointed when he realizes he's his boss.

Pat eventually ends up in conflict with his new boss whose name is Jeng…slowly the two of them start to work better together. Jeng ends up putting Pat in charge of a BL advertising project in a mostly queer team, and over the course of the show there ends up becoming this huge misunderstanding between the two of them about whether or not they're on a romantic arc, as the show is also unpacking a lot of really huge themes about where queer people do or don't fit in corporate structures that are more than willing to profit off of them, as Pat and Jeng try to figure out what their relationship is supposed to be.

Nini

I think that was a very fair précis of the plot of Step by Step.

Ben

If you're listening to us and you've watched Step by Step, you may be familiar with the fact that…reactions to the last arc of this show were mixed, to put it mildly. Nini and I ended up falling on opposite sides of the fence on this one, so we have a lot to unpack.

4:40 - Step by Step: A Moment of Simping

Ben

I'm [gonna] let you have this part first: I want you to just go ahead and have your little fun before we get into the big stuff. We can begin with talking about Man Trisanu and how much you really enjoyed his performance.

Nini

His performance, yes, but before we get to his performance…I mean we say in the intro that there is lots of simping on this show, and I've been listening to our old episodes: we haven't simped nearly enough? So I'm just gonna do like a quick two minutes of absolute simping for Man Trisanu, because my god that man is large. That man is so large that for like the first three episodes, every time he came on screen, like my brain made like the boinga boinga boinga sound, like I could not actually focus [laughs] on what was happening — I had to watch episodes multiple times…

Ben

[laughs] She’s just posting awooga gifs in the chat all the time.

Nini

If I was the kind of person who would get embarrassed by this stuff I would have been embarrassed by the way I behaved. But I don't get embarrassed by this stuff, so I wasn't embarrassed by the way that I behaved looking at this man [laughs]...throughout, but especially in the first three episodes. I just kept staring at him. And then as we got like further and further into the show it was very clear that he's also a good actor, so I was invested in the character emotionally? But that also did not stop the fwarh noises in my brain. The man is large. And he's large and he's attractive. And he's large and he's attractive and he's talented. That's basically my kryptonite.

That doesn't mean that I cannot be fair about the show—there are things that I'm gonna say about the show that are not complimentary, even though in the end—I'm just like skipping to the part where I score it, I gave it a 9—there are problems with the show, do not get me wrong. But overall, I found it incredibly enjoyable. And I can't lie to you: Man Trisanu was part of why I found it enjoyable. Not just because he is large and attractive but also because he is quite a good actor. Okay, so I got my yah yahs out.

Ben

Solid 20% of the chat is just Nini going: “THAT MAN IS BIG!”

[both laugh]

Nini

He’s a biggun! [both laugh] At one point I definitely just sent a voice message that said “Timberrrrr!”

Ben

It’s like, it would be Tuesday and everybody's in the chat just, “Lorge.” [laughs]

Ben

In terms of simping, I really like Ben Bunyapol’s work in this one. Nini and I tend to fall on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to…the guys we're attracted to in these shows? Unsurprisingly, she was super into Man and all of his work; I really liked a lot of stuff Ben was doing, and I like Nini's commentary that Ben is definitely someone's problem, right now.

Nini

Oh my god, somebody is staring at the ceiling up at night, like, thinking about Ben Bunyapol because that boy is…I mean, not my style, but I can appreciate good lookin’, I can. That is somebody's problem.

Ben

I really like what he was playing with in this. I really—we'll get into this when we talk about the queer themes in this—I really like the specific type of queerness he portrayed in this. And I know that must have been really difficult to hold with everything else he was doing on the show.

Nini

I concur, he also showed some talent. There’s quite a few newbies in this cast, Ben and Man are both newbies, and you see a little bit of that, but mostly they, I think they acquitted themselves very well.

8:40 - Step by Step: Big Themes

Ben

Since we're disclosing our ratings early in this one: as you all know, Nini gives me a lot of shit on this show about how friendly I am to shows with my scoring? I gave this show a 7.5, because I think the problems in this show make it hard to recommend to people. And the more homework I feel like I have to give people, or pamphlets I have to hand out before they start watching, the harder it is for me to recommend.

However, there are a lot of things to talk about in the show I think are good. And I think because it's Tee Bundit, and we have to talk about how much the sort of…irritated version of queerness that he's carrying around in his work comes through in his stuff? Think we should start with the big themes, because that's what he clearly cared about the most. So Nini, as someone who is thrilled with this show: what are the big themes you think that Tee is going for this time?

Nini

I mean, Tee is a guy who, kind of hits on the same themes in most of his work? And the themes that he likes to hit on are around like, queerness and capitalism, or like around the monetization of queerness and sort of juxtaposing it against the way that queer people are just kind of suffocating under this fog of homophobia. So that's like one of the things that he definitely gets into in this show, like all his other shows.

Another thing that Tee is very into is playing with inside and outside, like perceptions of queer people and how queer people see themselves versus how the world sees them? I think that's a big thing. He loves a family dynamic where everybody knows but nobody says anything, that's another big theme that he's playing with in this. These are the things that show up over and over again in his work, that I tend to respond to. I find it really legible, so I quite enjoy it.

What about you? What kinds of themes did you pick up on?

Ben

The big ideas, like core statements that I can read from this is that: corporations are more than willing to profit off of queer people. They absolutely want to use our talents, our social skills, our managerial skills, and our relationships as well as our lives…to sell shit. But they don't actually want us, particularly in positions of leadership.

Another thing that comes through very clearly is that queer people cannot experience queer joy in environments that demand a very rigid form of conformity. And also, that everything that queer people want for themselves, including their joy, is not something you can have on the timeline of BL. It's going to take literally years for you to find your happiness. Which is so sad!

Nini

One of the things that I think we had discussed a little bit but didn't really delve into is that you feel a cynicism emanating off of Tee that you kind of don't like? I don't know if you wanted to get a little bit more into that, because we didn't really, like, discuss that too much.

Ben

Tee Bundit clearly—oh, there's a man I could simp for. [laughs] I think that man is very pretty, and I like how fucking angry he is all the time. [both laugh]

So, Tee is a director who has a really strong eye. Don't know that he's found an editor who works well with him yet. Or has found a really good screenwriting team to hang out with? But he has a really strong eye, and he very clearly hated being on the TharnType set. That comes through so loudly in Lovely Writer, and you can see that this has affected the way he looks at being an adult professional in so many ways.

Pat is so unhappy in this show. He's so stressed. And Jeng is also so unhappy, because he's so bottled up. It gets a little bit lost sometimes, how specifically pissed off Pat is about everything that's being thrown at him and expected of him. And you can feel that with Tee, that he has to…play to the proclivities of shipping culture, which he clearly despises.

Nini

He's made two shows about it now.

Ben

Quick aside about this, Tee leveled some I think fair criticism of BL as an industry, in that it is profiting off of the appearance of relationships of queer people, but they're all inherently fake, and they're meant to be fake. And apparently a certain set of fans did not agree or like that their ship was used as the example of this, and caused such a stink that they were forced to edit the episode and remove that commentary. And I don't know if this impacted later commentary that may have been in the show. I do not think it would have made the show more legible than it is? But Tee is just so irritated about the inescapability of heteronormativity in his professional life.

You see this for Pat, who doesn't allow himself to even perceive Jeng as someone he could be with, because of the age difference, the class difference, the work difference…and the way that they are queer is very different from each other. You see this with Chot, who seems to be an incredibly talented individual, but is not someone apparently considered for middle to upper management in any way? You've got this with Jaab where he's just like ‘yeah I'm not playing that. I got money, I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want.’

It's so frustrating, because in this show towards the end sequence where they ask Pat to come back for one more ride to try and save this stupid department. They assemble a little team together of queers or queer-friendly people and they end up using everyone's queer adjacent skills in some way shape or form to sell, like, fucking gas stations? [laughs] So they end up having Pat's formerly shitty superior write like, a BL story about looking for, like, a specific fucking juice at the fucking gas station, so that Jaab can very publicly run around on Facebook looking for Jen, the side character he's also pursuing. And then to help pimp this out, they ask Pat to call his ex, who he doesn't want to engage with on this, to help sell this shit—who was also forced to go back into the closet so that he could pretend to be gay with his BL co-star. Which is insane.

Nini

Like when you say it out loud it's like, the levels of bullshit, like Tee is very much about piling on the bullshit. And he's like doing it and pointing to the audience and saying, ‘Look at this! Ain't this some shit? This is the kind of shit that we gotta deal with on the regular!’

Ben

I'm not even done! The head of the company baited them by stripping their marketing budget because he knew his son would use his own money to save this: creating a division between the gays because of lack of loyalty and such. And so like, that comes through fairly loudly.

16:52 - Step by Step: The Romance

Ben

Part of where the struggle kicks in for me with this show is honestly with Pat and Jeng. Like, I have really strong positive feelings about Pat as a character, as an individual, and I have an incredible amount of feelings for Jeng as an individual—and I want to elaborate on those—but like Pat and Jeng as a unit, I feel, was super frustrating and really disappointing in this show, in a way that felt kind of pissy from Tee? Like I feel like…they don't feel satisfying on purpose. And that doesn't sit right with me, because of genre conventions and expectations.

I'll let you talk about Pat and Jeng, because I think you feel a lot better about them than I did.

Nini

Yeah, because I think I had different expectations. I definitely took in at the beginning, or before the beginning of the show, some of the stuff around the show where Tee was very clearly saying this isn't a romance. And as we sort of went through the show, I started to understand what he meant by saying that. I think Tee has a, like a complicated relationship with BL, that much is obvious, and I think in a way, the story that he wanted to tell here—he almost resented a little bit, having to use the romance to tell the story. And it, it shows up on a metatextual level in terms of some of the themes and some of the story points and plot points running throughout the show. He's like, can’t I just tell this story? Why do they have to, like, make out?

There is a tension there, there is a dissonance there. So it's not that I don't understand the problem that people had with it; I understand it entirely. But I was just vibin’. Because…I saw all of that as like, yeah, whatever Tee, like I see exactly what you're saying, but you also put this in here anyway, so I'm gonna enjoy the parts of this that you did put in here. That was my way of dealing with it, and that's why I really enjoyed it—because what he did put in there, for me, between Pat and Jeng? It resonated, because at first it was so much about ‘well this thing can't be and here are all the reasons that this thing can't be.’ It's clear that, like, Jeng is just falling deeper and deeper and deeper, and Pat is just like, I can't, I can't even hear that noise—to the point that he literally drowned the noise out in his own head. To the point where like Jeng actually had to tell him basically, ‘hi, I am actually hitting on you.’ And that, like, it came at the end of like a long tail because also Jeng's very aware that it's, like, an ethical minefield to be hitting on Pat because Pat works for him. So it's just like a swarm of things coming together, in a way that I personally enjoy?

And I, I’ll acknowledge that my enjoyment of this show is extremely personal to just the kind of bitch I am. I just like this kind of, like, dynamics? I like this kind of exceedingly complicated and, ‘this actually is kind of a gordian knot, but still, through that all, I feel the way I feel and you feel the way you feel, and if we could just like figure some of this other shit out—and we're gonna fuck up figuring this other shit out for a while—then it would be solid, it would be golden.’ But like I said, I can completely understand why people wouldn't rock with that. It's dissonant, it's incredibly dissonant, I’m fully aware of that. But I was vibin’. That's just how I feel about it.

Ben

My issue is that the show doesn't say that. And we have to take that as the acceptable read to move on. Like, all of the ideas about how corporate life is evil for queer people are loud themes exemplified through the characters. I was consistently frustrated with Tee in this particular outing, because important gay decisions happen off screen, and that pissed me off. So much of his idea is about how queer people don't get to make choices—and he doesn't show the queer people making the choices they can make.

Like for example, they get together and Pat and Jeng don't discuss what being at work is going to look like for them? Which was so irritating for me, because they don't really know each other? And like I'm totally fine with two bitches just being like, ‘let's just fuck about it for a little while and enjoy this ride while we go.’ But like, they don't say that! Like, we have to take that as meaning, and it irritates me, because he's not subtle about his other shit. It feels a little bit tacked on, because you're supposed to just understand this.

Like—I took that Jeng was broken. I wrote a whole fucking piece about it, about how broken Jeng was by being in the closet as he is, because he lives in a big ass closet. Like his closet was so big I didn't even realize it was a closet, I thought it was an exercise room. No, it's his fucking closet. He lives there, that's insane. But like Pat and Jeng get together, and they don't discuss what being at work is going to be like for them. We don't really see their romance function at all, and they don't give us a sense of the two of them functioning as a pair until the story is over? And that irritates me because what the fuck are they fighting for? Like Jeng is explicitly fighting for the idea of Pat, and Pat is explicitly frustrated that Jeng is trying to manipulate him into the version of Pat that Jeng would prefer him to be. And that is not really confronted in this show. I can't be happy about these two getting together because that particular tension point is just submerged. It isn't dealt with, it's just shoved out of the way. That would have been okay, ‘we're just going to bury this’ is an okay choice, but it's a choice that feels like it happened off screen.

It's frustrating because Pat's choice to break up with the MLM big tall, and his choice to break up with Put happen on screen. Pat processing his complicated post-breakup feelings with Put is executed beautifully on screen. We don't really get a functional version of Pat and Jeng on screen, and it irked me, but it low-key makes me sad, because what if Tee doesn't have enough to pull from in himself to do that properly? But he can handle, like, the painful shit and the breakup shit really well. Like that makes me sad for him…but, like, it irritates me as a viewer. If the desire to be a partner to Pat, and to change because Pat asked him to, is literally the driving force that moves Jeng through the plot—that is text—I hate that when he gets together with Pat, none of the talking about that occurs at all.

Nini

See I had a completely different reaction to that, because to me, from the time that all of that, like, wasn't happening, and then I saw the way that the plot was going, I was just like ‘oh it's a false start.’ That all makes sense to me, like the fact that Jeng spent all this time basically sweatin’ Pat, and finally, like okay, he gets somewhere, he doesn't want to confront the problems. He doesn't want to confront the problems, and Pat doesn't really want to confront the problems because Pat is just, ‘this man wants me, I want this man.’ Like, they don't talk about the issues. They get giddy on each other, they get high, nose wide open, and they don't want to confront the bad shit. So they don't talk about it. It's a false start. They don't talk about it, they don't talk about the fact that they don't really know each other, they don't talk about anything that matters…that to me tells me everything. There's a deep and intense infatuation happening there. And they're burying their heads in the sand about a lot. To me that's deliberate, and that's why it ends up falling apart. It works for me on a narrative level.

25:45 - Step by Step: Story Execution

Nini

I think part of the frustration as well—and I think here we're going to start getting into, like, some of the structural issues—because I said that I did have criticisms about this show. And one of the criticisms that I continuously had was that this show feels like it was edited by monkeys on crack cocaine. There is a lack of a certain amount of cohesiveness to the editing, that makes it hard to follow some of what's happening. Like you have to sit with it and like really train your brain and do one, two, three passes at it, to be like ‘oh yeah, that's what was happening, that's what was happening, that's what was happening.’ So I do take that criticism. I absolutely do take that criticism of the show and I agree with it. That the graph of the show, like the way that it was structured in terms of when the pivot point happens—because it happens almost towards the end—I can see where the frustration comes from, absolutely.

Ben

There's so much in this show that is interesting, but is delivered so haphazardly that you have to work for it. Like, the only useful read I got about the hets and their role in this, was to model what showing up and speaking out looks like versus what sitting on your hands and not saying something looks like. With Khanun and Beam, and their attraction to Ae—who has a baby in a hilariously inaccurate birthing scene…

Nini

[laughs] I’m sorry, you said the birthing scene and I had to crack up, like that was the most like, hand wavy like, ‘I'm a gay man, I don't know how these things work’—like ‘she had a baby, like make it like—do whatever you think having a baby looks like, it's fine, moving on’ [laughs]

Ben

She's pushing the baby! And everybody’s screaming! And POP! It's out! [laughs]

Nini

I don't know how the baby came out, because she was still wearing her pants. But eeehh, let's leave that to the side for now. [laughs]

Ben

I'm okay with that, because everything else was so silly, I get them just not wanting to ask Zorzo to take her pants off.

Nini

There's a thematic reason that Ae has her baby where she does, how she does, when she does, like there's a thematic and a narrative reason for that. But the scene itself is like one of the most cracked-out things I’ve ever seen in my life. [laughs]

Ben

That's the whole problem with the show, like there are good ideas here but like, I don't feel them. I hate that you have to think so hard to get to them. Normally I'm okay with subtext for these sort of things, but…you have to basically rebuild the moments that are occurring in the show so that you can think about stuff.

I ended up frustrated with Jeng by the end, because I feel like his arc peters out. Like there's a, a totally fine read on a lot of these things, but it is so…flat for me. It's fine for a show to make you play with the notion of disappointment? But the disappointment feels…petty, if that makes any sense? Like I don't think the disappointment is built into all the thematic structures. It's just built into the effect that the show wants to engender. It feels a little incongruous, and it's really irritating. I don't mind queer cinema making me feel negative emotions and walk out of a theater going ‘damn, bro.’ I just don't like the way this show is going for that, but also pretending that it's not, towards the end.

Nini

Okay, so here's a thing that we don't normally do, but I think would be useful for this show. So, let's fix it. Our mantra around here is generally: you meet the shows where they are. Right? But: is there a version of this show that you like, and what does that version of the show look like?

Ben

A big problem with this show is, they spend way too much time away from the Jian group office environment. The bubble of the Forge project goes on way too fucking long. The reveal in episode, like, 9? That Pat did not know Jeng was gay this whole time? Is really good, but needs to happen, at the very latest, by episode 8. Because it creates this huge compression effect on the back half of the show, that is so fucking irritating for me as a viewer. The Jeng crying and sad shit is great in episode—10, when that occurs? And like he and Pat get together in episode 11, but the gays need a solid ‘we're going to try to make this work’ episode. You have to put us in the interior of these two settling into each other. We need to understand what we have been yearning for for the whole show up to this point, so that we can understand what they're giving up when they've when they sever—it's romance, they gotta break up, you have to put the characters in a position where they have to figure out, ‘can I go back to the person I was and enjoy my life without this person in my life again?’ The answer is no, because this is fucking romance!—But we need to understand what the romance is and what they're going for.

And all of the development of Pat and Jeng as a couple, that we're supposed to be benefiting from in episode 11 when they're trying to save the stupid little BL project they're working on, feels completely unearned. Yes, I understand that the reason we're not getting payoff is because their relationship is fundamentally flawed as a false start—but it doesn't flag very effectively as one, because we aren't constantly seeing the misfires when they're trying to do stuff romantically together. We need to fully confront the fact that Jeng is brainwashed into thinking that work life integration can work for queer people. It cannot. And we don't get that. So like when they break up, the feeling is like, ‘good, because y'all needed to.’ And not in a satisfying way that another show might have done. We need to move all of the beats from the end of the show back a whole fucking episode.

Also, the decision for Pat to go off and start his own thing, take Chot and Ae, all happens off screen. This is a huge set of choices! Why is Chot running off to be with this twink? Like sure, he's playing fairy godmother in the whole show, but why does he choose to go with him? The audience is left to just figure that out. But so much of this show is about the difficult and complex choices that queer people have to make to survive in a corporate world that doesn't want us. So yes, we can infer that Chot was also frustrated with all this drama at work, and is more than willing to go work with the very talented, very successful little baby gay who showed up at his job, and go off and they gonna get this paper together. I get it. It's fine, it doesn't track as wrong for Chot to do that—but Chot's choice also matters in a show about how queer choice needs to be respected! And they don't show Chot making the choice. Like, the gay choices happening off screen are egregious to me. They need to be unpacked. If the show is about how our choices aren't respected, why aren't we showing the interior decision-making of the choices we're forced to make?

Nini

I'll definitely take your point about where the pivot point of the story happens. It's one of the critiques of this show that I completely agree with. The critical path of this show—like the throughline?—to me is so clear. What happens though, is that the critical path is sort of impacted by…like a bunch of these little side quests. Whether it is that the side quest is too present or too absent, the milestones are happening slightly off schedule. The way that it's sequenced works for me, but the way that things like lag behind or in front of each other are a little…squiffy. In terms of the way that the story is constructed, in terms of some of the things that you feel that you needed to see, or that would have made the story better to be able to see, rather than having to conjure up yourself…like, I get that, absolutely. I don't disagree with that, I think that is a valid and accurate critique of this show. I live in my head a lot [laughs] and so that didn't bother me enough to ding it, but I understand why it didn't work for you, and for a lot of other people.

I think it's just for me that…I was fine with getting pulled along by the story, because I was invested, particularly in Jeng. First they got me with Man being, you know, the size of a barn. And then I started actually paying attention, and they got me with Jeng's character. That's where the show, like, managed to string me along the entire way; I got a hook in, and I'm just like ‘okay, this is what I'm going with.’ But none of the things that you and everybody else is saying about the show are wrong. You're all correct. [laughs] You're all correct. I just…enjoyed it.

Ben

I think for me, both places where this show really broke, and where I really disconnected from this show, were in both of the kitchen scenes, which you loved. Like if we could point to two scenes where things break for me as an audience member? It's the speakeasy scene, kitchen scene—throwing food on the ground, kitchen scene—Pat reconciling with Jeng. It ends up becoming a failure point when Jeng resigns from his company—in his Canadian tuxedo —

Nini

Denim on denim y’all!

Ben

[laughs] And he says to his dad, ‘I have dreams.’ And I'm like, ‘girl, what are they? You ain't said shit for the last three goddamn episodes! What are they? Please sir, talk to the camera, I need to know.’ And like we can infer these things, we can project onto him. I can infer that the restaurant is what's important to him. I can infer that food security for the underprivileged is important to him. But for someone who's as plan-oriented as him, it feels a little weird, that this feels like a undercooked and underdeveloped idea for the character, that's just sort of simmering in the back and I'm like, ‘what, did we even put anything in the pot? Is that just water boiling?’

And so we get to these two kitchen sequences. Chot has chided Pat for not properly receiving someone's feelings, which is an idea that's been all over BL recently, that I'm totally into. Like you can reject people just fine, like you do not owe people any booty at all. But if someone tells you that you're important to them, you should at least acknowledge that they made themselves vulnerable to you, and acknowledge those feelings. Fine, good. Go buy a carrot cake and run to that man. But he goes to Jeng and tries to acknowledge his feelings and Jeng's like, ‘okay, we're together now’ and they make out, and I'm like ‘oh okay, sure, I guess? What? No!’

And this is when the not talking portion kicks in, and then Pat breaks up with Jeng, for what I believe are incredibly valid reasons of feeling like Jeng doesn't trust him or believe in him, because he makes choices for them without consulting Pat. And Pat feels like Jeng is always undercutting him, and Jaab makes a point about this in the final episode—when he doesn't talk to Jen at all? whatever—and says, ‘you kind of manipulated Pat the way Dad manipulated you.’ And I'm like, ‘that's a very, very specific idea, that makes a whole lot of sense, that we're just going to walk away from because this is the last episode—roll the fluff!’

So we get to the second kitchen scene, and I'm trying to accept the emotions of the scene? Of Pat just deciding that he's going to let go of the anger because he really likes Jeng, and he likes what the two of them had together, and he just kind of wants to let it work and figure it out together—the same way I Promised You the Moon ended. And I like that, but it doesn't land here for me? And I ended up really irritated about it. And this is where I get frustrated, like Jeng through episode…10, works for me, but the dead-eyed Jeng of episode 11 and the sad depressive Jeng of episode 12—it feels like he never comes back to life. Which may have been their point, but they went out of their way to try and make me feel like he and Pat are together and they're happy and everything's going to be okay now because they're together in the final episode. It feels unearned, and it feels like they didn't finish the goddamn mission! when it comes to Jeng.

Nini

And for me, it feels exactly the opposite, because those two kitchen scenes are very clearly paralleled, you're absolutely correct: in the first kitchen scene when they're first getting together, they don't talk about anything that's important, they just kind of roll past it. But in the second kitchen scene, they stop, they take a breath, Jeng says, ‘let's talk about this tomorrow.’ He's happy, yeah, but they make a deliberate point of not doing the same shit that they did before. They make a point of saying the things; they make a point of taking a beat; they make a point of taking their time; they make a point of actually talking to each other. And to me that's why it works. I mean it works, as well, for emotional reasons that are just pure, like, me engaging with romantic notions, reasons, and I'll fully admit to that. But to me the fact that those two scenes were so different was kind of the point? And I quite enjoyed that part.

Another problem with the show that I think makes it really not legible for people is the fact that you don't have any sense of the passage of time. Like you really have to work to figure out how much time has passed between any two events in the show.

Ben

And clearly we were on the wrong timeline from the show.

Nini

[laughs] I think they just made a mistake in the last episode. I did a lot of work on the show, but I enjoy that, so I was fine. The timeline is that the first 9 to 10 episodes happen over the course of roughly a year? And then episode 11 is very compressed. I think they do give us a chiron at one point, that you figure out it's like about three months maybe? And then the last episode, it spans years—not just including the time skip, but the actual episode itself.

Ben

It feels like somewhere between three to five years for sure.

Nini

Yeah, the last part of the episode, like maybe the last half hour, is like a series of vignettes? But it's just that the way that it's edited, it doesn't feel like a series of vignettes. It feels like scenes that are happening in sequence, which they're not.

Like I said, the editing of this show, monkeys on crack cocaine and ayahuasca, absolutely. Storyboarding, I'm not sure anybody did any?

I did a lot of work to enjoy the show. But I did enjoy it.

Ben

And I hate that. I hated the sides, like they weren't even in the final episode, they're like ‘yeah we don't care about them, get them the fuck out of here.’ No Khanun, no Jen, just get them out of here. We're gonna be here for an hour and forty two minutes, but the sides required literally zero closure to help stick the landing with the mains? Ugh, man.

Nini

They were there to reinforce thematic ideas, and they leaned way too hard into them as a narrative point when they weren't supposed to be narrative. So yes, completely agree with you, that was a mess.

It's not that I don't agree with you! We're saying that this is a fight night and I got my eye black on, but the reality is that I don't disagree with anything you're saying. It’s just that I was fine with doing that work, and you are not fine with doing that work because you think you shouldn't have to do that work, and that's…yeah, you're probably right about that.

Ben

I'm in the business of recommending things to people because I like enjoying things with people. I will not be showing this to Emily, because I have to explain too much along the way the whole fucking time. And like, I hate that! It shouldn't be this goddamn hard to enjoy the damn show.

I ended up comparing the dissonance around this show to, say, something like 2gether, which I think is remembered fondly because of pandemic stuff, and less because the show is good. Because everybody acknowledges that the show is a goddamn mess, but there's things that they take out of it, they say ‘I really like this.’ And that's how I feel about Step by Step. I loved everything that Man did in this; I think he played a 32 year old repressed gay man really well. But low key…I gotta be honest, I'm a little burned out on feeling a bunch of fucking feelings about sad rich gay boys? Like, the West is obsessed with sad rich gay boys and I am burnt the hell out on it. Like ‘oh no, he's sad, in his penthouse…’ who cares? [laughs]

Nini

I think for me as well, because I've been spending so much time with Turtles’s Asian family trauma lens, that I dug into that side of things, like a little deeply with my brain, and I was kind of enjoying kicking that around to myself as part of this.

Ben

And that’s the thing that sucks! Like Jeng, through episode 10, works so well for me. Like I absolutely loved what Man was doing with Jeng, how he was playing him, how Ben was playing Pat as kind of oblivious to it but unconsciously flirting with Jeng.

We didn't even talk about Up Poompot! Up Poompot was in this show and he whipped ass! Up was so good! Put was an incredible character. So Put is Pat's ex, who was not a great ex to him. This is very clearly a failed first romance on a lot of different levels. Put is ambitious, and he wants a lot more from his life than to just stay in the poor town the two of them grew up in, and he clearly didn't have Pat's skills to go to school…twice, study in America, and come back to Thailand as a highly trained marketing professional who can go into a corporate environment, and even with every goddamn employee in there working on his damn nerves still be the best person that they have on their team. Put doesn't have that: he's pretty and he's charming, and he's an actor. He has to go into BL, and so he can't have a boyfriend. Which is very fucked, that gay people cannot be out in BL. Insane. Put is an incredible character. He is simultaneously deeply unlikable and also incredibly sympathetic. Up is so good in this show.

And I think Ben, who has an incredibly internal character—who really could have benefited from a journal? So that we could hear his thoughts more often—also does a really good job playing someone who is barely keeping it together, and trying to restrain their quick temper. Ben does a good job as a fairly new actor dealing with some really complex internal things that have to be externalized, in a film tradition that leans towards bombastic. That's really difficult to do.

Bruce is in this! Bruce had such a rough character to portray in Lovely Writer, and it was hard to really like that character even if you felt bad for them. So glad we got a character for Bruce that we loved this time in Chot.

Zorzo is in this, she's incredible, we love her. She can do whatever she wants—she shows up on a set and we're just like, ‘hello Zorzo, what do you want to do today?’

It's just so much fun watching this cast work together. Even the new people. Saint had some difficulties with his romantic partner and I think that's because he was new and nervous about doing that right. But he was really really good with Ben: when Jaab was interacting with Pat, Saint was really good, and you can see why he was cast. His chemistry with Ben felt so natural, and didn't read as like weirdly sexual or romantic, which is very easy to fall into in BL when they put literally any boys in the same room with each other.

They did a great job letting queer friendships feel like queer friendships in this show. There's so much that's genuinely good in this show, which is why I feel like I have to give it a 7.5. Like if it had just been kind of bad and muddled? I’d have probably given it an 8 for just pure gumption. But it's frustrating, because it feels like everyone understood what the mission was and the plan fell apart with contact with the enemy immediately, and they did not regroup at all.

Nini

This is sounding like video game stuff.

Ben

I'm kind of pissed! I'm in captain mode right now. I'm assessing the film and going over everyone's screens and we're talking about who fucked up here.

50:25 - Step by Step: Where are we on Tee Bundit?

Ben

The most important thing to ask now is, where do either of us sit when it comes to Tee Bundit and Dee Hup House?

Nini

I am a Tee Bundit fan? I see some of the things that he wants to say. I think that maybe he needs some guardrails? And maybe to lighten up a little bit? Because he has good ideas, and the ideas, he makes them very legible, when he wants to.

I am curious to see how he does with some guardrails. Sometimes an artist needs a few guardrails to really focus themselves. So I am still down with Tee, and I'm interested in seeing the rest of what he's putting out this year. How about you?

Ben

I just want to grab him—like William Shatner in a classic Star Trek episode—by both of his upper arms, and say very clearly: “You got to stop being mean to the audience, bro. They're on your side.” It feels like he's beefing with us the audience, in Step by Step. Like it feels like he resents that the only way he can tell queer stories and get funded is to do queer romance, which I don't know that he's interested in—even though clearly he cares a lot about queer existence. Which is a very complicated space to sit as an artist, particularly with what the zeitgeist is feeling right now?

But I need him to not take that energy out on us as the audience, like we signed up for romance, bro! Stop making us feel bad for wanting that! It just feels like Tee is just mad, and yelling in the room, and we're like ‘I get that you're mad bro, but this is unfun for all of us: we are on your side, and you are taking this out on us.’ He's that friend, who's right…but fuck, dude!

[Nini laughs]

Ben

That's all I've got. It's a chop for me, I'm sorry. [laughs]

Nini

Nah, I mean, sometimes we disagree, my friend, that’s just the way it is. [laughs] For me it’s a 9, for Ben it’s a 7.5, so that works out to…8.25? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Ben

It’s not bad, but it’s not good.

Nini

8.25 for Step by Step, and entry into contention for the Girl You Tried award for this season.

53:10 - La Pluie

Nini

Okay, so we are talking all things La Pluie. Ben, tell us what La Pluie is about.

Ben

La Pluie is a sort of speculative fiction romance, set in a world very similar to ours, where a small subset of the population experience temporary sensory loss whenever it rains as a form of deafness. Of that incredibly small population, an even smaller portion of them, when they come of age—which is 20 in Thailand—they may begin to hear another person's voice whenever it rains. Those people are seemingly tied to each other by this rain-based connection and other people have described them as soulmates.

Our protagonist Saengtai is a 22-year-old who experiences rain deafness. He has three brothers, one older, and both of his parents are what people call soulmates. When he turned 20, his parents wanted him to know that they were getting a divorce, and this shattered Saengtai’s faith in the concept of soulmates, and he spent the next two years actively avoiding speaking to his soulmate at all. Two years later, he happens to run into him in a cafe, realizes his soulmate is hot, and then [laughs] decides to maybe give it a shot. And the show becomes this ongoing exploration of the concept of romance itself, unpacking whether or not the soulmates concept is real, portrayed by incredibly emotionally aware characters.

Our primary four characters are: Saengtai, our protagonist, who's a writer. Patts, his soulmate, who is a veterinarian, and slightly older than him, and very cool. You have Saengtai’s little brother Saengtien, who’s kind of a rascal, who does not have rain deafness but very much believes in the concept of soulmates. And then there's Lomfon, a boy who is also in school with Saengtien, who adamantly refuses to believe in soulmates, and causes his own problems along the way. There's quite a colorful cast of supporting characters, and this is probably…the most legible show that we've ever watched? From the very first scene, this show is nothing but constant payoff.

Nini

Hmm, I don't know about from the very first scene, because as you know, it took me a few episodes to kind of get there. I started and stopped, and then had to be cajoled back in [laughs] and I do not regret coming back in. The line on this for me is that I think soulmates are bullshit. I've never been a fan of this soulmate trope—in the first episode or two, I'm just kind of like, ‘I don't know that they're gonna do anything interesting with this’ and then sometime around��it was definitely around episode 4, and I know it was around episode 4 because isn't that when Tai bit that man? We're gonna talk about this, Ben.

Ben

[laughs] Tai did bite that man, in episode 3.

Nini

Tai, my precious little alley cat, that was when I decided I was in [laughs] and I was gonna keep watching. I mean he literally got drunk and bit Patts, and I was like, ‘okay this is gonna be fucking awesome.’ Who bites somebody??

Ben

Someone unhinged!

Nini

Exactly, that's the point! And you know I love unhinged, so I was in for the duration after that. That was like the end of episode 3 when he bit him? And then episode 4 it just keeps getting better.

57:50 - La Pluie: The Soulmate Myth

Ben

Let's get properly into the soulmate stuff. I stand by my comment that this show begins paying off from the very first scene. We read the blurb, we get our little intro, and he's like ‘we got soulmates in this world; I can't hear when it rains; there's a boy who talks to me when it rains,’ and we were like ‘whoa man, these two are gonna fuck real good!’ And then the show opens with divorce. And I was like, ‘never mind, I am seated!’

Right away, the show is telling you that it is going to challenge the presumptions built into its core premise. It spends the entire time interrogating its premise, with really legible characters. And I think you provided the clearest read on the sort of primary archetypes these characters fit, when you described them in the framework of faith. So, please elaborate on your analysis.

Nini

The key thing all our characters, our key characters are dealing with in the show, is whether they believe in soulmates or not? So you have Tien, who is absolutely a true believer, 100% believes in soulmates, no matter what has happened to potentially shake his faith in soulmates he totally believes in it. Then you have Tai, who I described as an apostate, because Tai used to be a true believer and then his faith was shattered, and so he's sort of gone against believing in soulmates. In terms of their love interests, you have Patts, who is sort of agnostic on the idea? ‘Eh, I don't know, maybe soulmates are real, maybe they're not, doesn't really matter to me. I don't know what to believe but I'm not going to let it affect what I'm doing, and this is the way I feel about things.’ And then you've got Lomfon, who is an atheist: not just an atheist, like a rationalist atheist. He's just like, ‘soulmates are bullshit, I don't buy this, I don't believe in anything that this is happening here.’ And then what the show does with those four viewpoints is sort of, brings them all around to a kind of agnosticism? So in the end, they kind of all get to where Patts started.

Then one of the things the show does towards the end, really at the end, is bring Patts around to being…sort of a true believer? Not necessarily in the sense of the rain deafness connection being a soulmate connection, but believing in the idea of having a soulmate. I don't think that's in any way related to the rain deafness connection at all, but more about choices and the way that he feels about Tai, and the way that Tai feels about him and the relationship that they are building. I found that really interesting, where in the end everybody kind of comes around to the agnostic viewpoint, Patts is the one who moves towards a, a believer, but not in the whole myth.

Ben

I think what works for me really in the show, when it comes to the belief in soulmates or not, is…the show understands that belief without action is meaningless. In the case of Tai and Lomfon, their choices and inaction create immense harm for the people around them that they claim to care about. In the case of Tai, he hurts Patts, for years, with his silence. Like it is totally fine for him to want to work out his comfortability with the rain-based connection privately and on his own time, but he owed it to Patts to say that. Even just, ‘I'm uncomfortable having you in my head, please don't talk to me when it rains.’ That's all he had to say. It's the silence that was really cruel for me. He's hurting Patts and punishing him, because his parents let him down. That's really shitty.

Lomfon glomps on to Tai, for whatever reason, and just determines he's supposed to be with Tai. Actively ignoring the growing relationship between him and Tien, hurting everyone along the way. Whereas Patts and Tien are both actively treating people with immense kindness and care, because of how they believe and how they move through the world. Tien cares a lot about his brother: he knows his brother was hurt by what happened to their parents, and he gives excuses for him and he tries to take care of his brother, he tries to make himself small to take care of his family and the people around them, even if he's a little bit feisty. And Patts, who maybe doesn't care about the soulmate shit at all, sees Tai once: is like, ‘whoa, I am inextricably drawn to this person,’ and pursues him very kindly. The people with the most angst about whether or not this shit is real are the ones doing the most harm to other people. It's the people who are most pissy about faith being the worst in their relationships.

Nini

Look at us here being a couple of lapsed Catholics on the podcast.

[both laugh]

Nini

There is so much that the show wants to say about that idea of faith without works being dead. So much that the show wants to say about the relationship between chance and choice. I think the show itself is agnostic on whether soulmates are real? But I think the show does also say: there is some mix of chance and choice in romance. You ran into this person in a coffee shop—that's chance. But what you do next is choice.

There're little things sprinkled throughout, like Patts and Tai finding out—once they've decided to be together—finding out that they actually had a connection from earlier on, because Patts's grandmother used to live next door to Tai. So when Tai's parents split up and he was like really sad and depressed about it, Patts saw this kid crying, and he just decided to be kind to this kid, and he helped Tai through, like, the immediate aftermath of his parents' divorce. And in return for that kindness, Tai sort of helped him through the death of his grandmother? They never saw each other's faces or anything like that, this was a happenstance. This was a chance encounter, through Patts's kindness and Tai’s kindness in return, that became a connection between them. Again, chance and choice. It was by chance that Patts saw this kid crying, but it was a choice to be kind to the kid next door.

That's threaded throughout the story in different parts, this idea that chance brings you to the table but choice determines what happens when you get there.

Ben

I feel very strongly, as a lapsed Catholic, that none of the beliefs matter if you're just trying to be right. What matters is how you treat people.

Nini

The show is more interested in the choices than the chances, but it does put the chances sort of in there. You know that the show is interested in the choices because of the way that it deals with the parents, and the parents divorce, and how the parents have made it through their divorce and continue to be people who are together in dealing with their children, who still talk to each other when it rains, who have moved out of a romantic phase and into a platonic phase in their lives. To the point where the mom can get remarried to somebody who is more suited to her, and this doesn't affect their friendship.

I really enjoyed the aspects of the show that really harped on the idea of choice, and choosing how you're going to build a relationship with somebody whether it is romantic or platonic, rather than fate putting somebody in your path and that feeling like a predetermination of who that person is going to be to you. That's why in the end, I did come around to La Pluie after not being interested at the beginning. They fucked with soulmates, and I like that.

Ben

I feel the need to rant.

Nini

The floor is yours, sir. Speak directly into the microphone.

Ben

I'm so glad that this show ended by saying that the soulmate stuff was a trap. It was really frustrating to see everybody caught up in the soulmate stuff, and the mechanic of that, as this verification tool. Maybe it's the whole lapsed Catholic thing and having a very complex relationship with faith and doubt? Because I got the whole notion that the purpose of all of this is about choice. It's about what you do with the opportunities you're given, and how you treat the people when you're there.

It was really frustrating to watch so many members of the audience just really struggle with this show, because they needed the soulmates thing to either be bullshit, or to be confirmed. I really like that the show very politely sidesteps answering that, because what matters is how people treat each other. The opening scroll of the show is a happy couple that is a guy with rain deafness hanging out with somebody who is not. Like these things were legible from the beginning for me, and it was so…tedious, week in and week out, dealing with the, like the weather report: “Are the soulmates real this week?” Stop.

Nini

Since we're ventilating the show's take on soulmates so to speak…

1:08:22 - La Pluie: Lomfon is Rude!

Ben

Yeah, let's talk about somebody who clearly got it wrong, in the show!

Nini

[laughs] Let's talk about Lomfon getting that ass beat, and why it was absolutely necessary.

Ben

We're gonna begin where we always sat: Lomfon is rude! And Patts should have punched him harder.

Nini

[laughs] I like just, I heard like a million people just turning the podcast off at this point—but it's, it's true, it's a fact.

Ben

Look, I do not care. Here's the thing: Lomfon is beefing with people for no reason, from the jump. He's beefing with Tien in the store over a goddam magazine. He's beefing with other classmates. He has no goddamn friends.

Nini

He was rude to Bow! He was rude to Tai's boss, and he likes Tai, and he still couldn't muster up like a shred of interest in anything she was doing, or even general politeness to shake her hand and say hi how you doing. Rude!

Ben

He only cares about what he's thinking about, there's no regard for other people. Like yeah, sure. He's like, 20. And like, kids gotta grow up at some point. But also, tastin’ a little bit of fist will reorient your life a little bit sometimes.

Nini

[laughs] True!

Ben

He's just so dramatic! There's this development over the course of the show, where Tai ends up with two different soulmates with connections to him. Lomfon is like, ‘I'm hearing Tai’s voice when it rains.’ Instead of, like sending, like a group text, saying, like, ‘hey, I believe something very strange may have happened to me, I think we should all meet up next Sunday at four o'clock—because I've checked the weather and we should all be together for this.’ And they could have handled this like adults and talked about stuff. No. Lomfon is rude and selfish, and so he needs to corner Tai in the rain, kiss Tai, and be like ‘whoops, my bad!’ And then when Patts rolls up on him throwing haymakers, he's like ‘whoa bro, no, he's mine!’ He's yours? Little boy. Please.

I got a lot of smoke for this motherfucker, I got some notes over here. This dude hung out with Tien at a cast party, cuddled with drunk Tien, calls his brother because Tien needs a ride home—and then while Tien is mostly unconscious, flirts with his older brother? Gross.

Nini

He's in his own zone. He's not thinking about anybody else, he's not interested in whether what he does affects anybody else and how it affects anybody else. And it takes, yes quite frankly, a jaw rockin’, for him to get his head out of his ass. Completely concur that it was needed.

Because I mean, think about this okay? Even if he actually liked Tai—which he doesn't really—does he think that this is the way to go about getting Tai? Let's ponder this for a second, just a short second, okay? It doesn't even make sense. And then, he thinks that maybe he might feel something for Tien, he doesn't know…but instead of, I don't know maybe, hm! going on a date with Tien instead of Tai—like there's so many other ways that Lomfon could have gone about what he went about. He just did it in the messiest way possible. Everybody was already telling him, ‘look I'm seeing what you're doing here and I'm gonna need you to take a step back.’

Ben

Tien picked up on it because they were on that mountain, and he saw Lomfon starting shit and looking at his brother, and he pulled that motherfucker aside, he said, ‘I am a third son, bitch, I will bury you on this mountain! Don't ever look at my brother again! Their relationship is theirs, and if you fuck with them one more time, they will not find your fucking corpse on this mountain.’

Nini

Everybody who saw it told Lomfon, ‘yo, you need to mind your own business.’ And if they didn't tell Lomfon, they told Tai—so Bow told Tai, ‘look, Lomfon’s up in your business. You need to say something and get that kid away from your business.’ Tien told him mind your own business. Patts told him mind your own business—because Patts definitely knew that Lomfon had a crush on Tai.

Ben

And Lomfon’s like, ‘well I heard Tai's voice in the rain, so now it's my business,’ and instead of talking to Tai properly, he's going to go like beef with Patts and be like I'm taller than you, so.

[both laugh] That boy got on my goddamn nerves! Like, he's an excellent character.

1:13:30 - La Pluie: Tai Also Deserves Some Smoke

Ben

Let's talk about how Tai needed that ass whooped too.

Nini

That's what I was about to say, like, we're on Lomfon and Lomfon deserved it, but Tai also deserves some smoke and I'm here to give it to him. Tai, baby boy. Patts carried you down that mountain after you ran up there in the first place offa some bullshit. He had to carry you back down that mountain, y’all come back down the mountain as boyfriends. You looked at that man in the car and told him ‘I want to stay over at your place tonight’ and that man beat land speed records to take you back to his house. You literally got the booty in every single room in that apartment.

And then you decide to go on a date-not-date with Lomfon? I feel like it was a little bit too—like he was slightly flattered?

Ben

Let me just read Tai his rights. [Nini laughs]

This man, after finally getting what he thinks he's wanted this whole time, realizes there may be a situation going on with his brother's friend. He coulda asked his brother, like at any moment: ‘yo what's up with Lomfon, like Bow is already saying dude was sniffing around, and he asked me you to do some sort of thing, and I dunno how I feel about it. What's up with you and your little friend?’ And Tien could have been like ‘oh noooo, I actually like him, why is he doing this like?’ He could have solved this any number of ways that were less dramatic than ‘let me lie to my boyfriend because I'm worried how he's gonna handle knowing that this little dude is sniffing around’—as if he didn't already know.

It is so frustrating that Patts—who is clear from the beginning that his primary concern was Saengtai’s comfort and happiness—for Saengtai to just actively ignore this man's vocalized needs. Man is telling you, he wants you to say the things. And you're like ‘well, don't my actions show it?’ No baby boy, because you're out here with some other dude in the middle of the motherfuckin’ rain, and you need to do better.

And then! That boy is at his mom's wedding. Your dad has said he is happy for her. He likes the guy that she's gonna be with, and he's happy for the life that they're gonna have. And this boy ruins their wedding, making it all about him, because he's mad that his parents’ soulmate thing didn't work out. Oh I was so mad at that boy.

He was so frustrating as a protagonist sometimes, because he just shits on all the relationships in his life. He shits on his mom. He’s low key shitting on his dad. He relies on his little brother too much without really paying attention to him in a meaningful way, and he beats up on Patts. And he does the same thing to Bow, like he works with Bow. She's clearly covering for him at work. Because he works with a bunch of other people and refuses to ever learn their names or really engage with them.

Nini

This is not to say that we do not love my little alley cat Tai, but he is a fucking alley cat. [laughs] He has the predisposition and morals of one, quite frankly. Like he's scratching and biting…in some ways he's just as rude as Lomfon. But like, you see where all this stuff comes from. And you want him to like, just for a second like, dude, retract the claws, and stop making decisions for people that are more about what you want and what you're interested in than what they want and need and have said that they want and need.

Ben

This is what I mean, like, the show being legible and saying the same thing the whole time. Like, as early as episode 2 Tai is like, ‘hey I found my soulmate,’ and Tien says quite plainly, ‘you fucked with love: unfuck it.’ And when he finally has that confrontation with his parents where they show him the complexity of human relationships, where his dad also says, ‘when you have love you need to take care of it.’

It's so funny, like, for all that Tai is obsessed with his dad, Tien is the one who picked up on his dad's, like, core skills. And Tai is so much like his mom, I'm really glad the show finally recognized that towards the end. Tai recognizes that he's doing to Patts what his mom was doing to him: not giving him any information, leaving him to suffer in silence without giving him the context that he's desperately needing. And it showed a lot of growth that he finally got his ass together, and spent the whole episode running around looking for that man, because goddamn.

1:18:26 - La Pluie: Tai’s Dad Read as Queer

Ben

I wanna get this aside in here, how Tai's dad read as queer to me the whole time, I don't know if he did to you?

Nini

He did, but I didn't know if that was the actor or the character.

Ben

I think it may have been both, and I think I like the way the show handled it. I think it was very useful for subtext to show that Tai's dad is queer? And to not confirm it at the text level. Because La Pluie is not interested in structural homophobia. But I thought it was a really interesting premise to consider what happens if a straight person and a gay person think they're soulmates. What happens if a man who knows who he is goes into a straight marriage, loves his sons, loves his wife, but they can't work, because they can't be the kind of partners they need to be to each other. Which is exactly what the show says, without saying it’s because the dad was queer.

And I think I really like the show leaving that as subtext for us to consider? Because the show does such a great job at building emotionally intelligent gay relationships otherwise.

Nini

I think there were lots of markers for it, like there were markers in the character themselves, there are markers in the relationship that the father and the mother had, the way that the mother was the breadwinner and the father was the caretaker. There are markers in the father's chosen profession, he's a chef. There is a, sort of a marker in this idea of him being—I think it was a private chef to some ambassador and spending a lot of time with this ambassador? All of these are things that I picked up on, and I don't know if they were easter eggs or if they were just throwaways, but there were lots of like tiny little markers.

Ben

And also him being the one to actually say that they should break up.

Nini

Yeah, there, there are lots of tiny little, like I said, could be read as markers, could just be coincidental, but the show is so well constructed that I am loath to leave it to the idea of coincidence.

Ben

I agree. I think it's well done.

1:20:48 - La Pluie: The Romance

Ben

Tai needed to get his shit together, because as far as I'm concerned Patts is maybe the most perfect romantic interest that BL has ever created. And that also feels really intentional for the themes that they're unpacking.

Nini

La Pluie is a romance novel. Like, if you look at the way it's structured, the way it's organized, La Pluie is a romance novel that is sort of an anti romance novel, almost? And in a romance novel, the love interest is essentially perfect. If they have a flaw, it's something that is, ‘my only flaw is that I care too much’ or some shit like that, you know, that kind of thing? [both laugh]

Patts fits into that mould in a way, but it's also subverted a little bit? So, he's handsome, he's a vet, he is kind to animals, he’s kind to people. He's very sweet, he is a hundred percent into Tai.

Ben

He drives a Porsche. He has a very nice apartment.

Nini

[laughs] He's rich. You know what I mean? All the markers of like the perfect romantic hero.

Ben

He has no family drama.

Nini

None whatsoever…he has a little tragic backstory with grandmother dying…like he’s the perfect romantic hero in a trope sense. Listen, I think sometime around the time that Tai bit that man— and yeah I'm still not over it—

Ben

He did bite that man.

Nini

I remember saying to Ben, ‘oh so like Tai’s an alley cat, but Patts is a literal angel.’ Because after he bit that man and then he threw up on him, still that man took him home, let him, like, lay in his bed. He gave him clothes, left him alone to change his own clothes, and then in the morning when he woke up hungover and couldn't remember shit, he woke up and there was a note because he had cleared out, he didn’t wanna make him feel awkward or anything like that. He cleared out, he left a note saying all the things that he did the night before, because he didn't know if he was going to remember…He was perfect about it. He was such a gentleman.

Ben

As one of the leaders of the Patts defense squad, I'm gonna have to lead a charge for my boy. Because my man is the best communicator. He clearly understands that something is wrong with his soulmate, doesn't pressure him to talk to him; just talks back to him, tries to be kind to him, tries to say nice things to him. Eventually sees a guy who he wants to pursue. He does not know that it’s Tai. But the first thing he does that night is like, ‘hey I don't know what's going on with you, but I saw the cutest boy that has ever existed, and I'm gonna pursue him, so uh, deuces!’

So they end up at this club, Tai gets low-key abandoned by his friends, so Patts takes care of him. Tai bites that man, tries to bite him again. Later that night starts fussing with Patts, accusing him of being a player, and then makes out with him! Like yes, he was drunk, but—makes out with him! Like bro! Patts starts pursuing him earnestly after that, by leaving the note. And then Tai, who does have communication skills and social skills, does the cutesy thing you would do in a movie. He's going to return the fucking clothes to Patts in a cute little bag waiting outside his job. And the two of them go out on the cutest little date, full of all sorts of great stuff.

Also, like, I haven't talked about it that much here: Title is really really good. I love the way Title and Pee both play their characters in this show. The way Title played Tai during that dinner they had? Was so good. At one point when he asks Patts, ‘do you always eat like this?’

Nini

And he points with the knife?

Ben

And he points with the knife, it is so, so perfect! And Patts is so clever. Like Tai wants to hang out and they want to go on the date and he's like, ‘let me not…bullshit about who I am.’ They ride in his Porsche to a fancy restaurant that Patts clearly frequents regularly because the staff recognizes him. He hands Tai the menu and asks Tai what he wants. Tai, who also has social skills and is like ‘I don't know about this, I don't know what the rules are here,’ decides not to make the choice on ordering something, ‘cause he's not trying to hit him up style. So he passes the choice to Patts, and then Patts makes a neutral choice by just saying ‘we'll have whatever the chef’s special is for the day.’ By making the neutral choice to just accept the chef’s special, even though Patts picked the place, he is making sure Tai understands that Patts will not be forcing him to do anything.

I just really love their date, like there's so much there; Patts is really charming, he's funny…and then moving along, the next thing Tai does, which is insane, is introduce Patts to his dad without warning. And the dad ain't shit either, picking on Patts the whole time.

Nini

[laughs] It was funny.

Ben

He hangs out with their dad, and immediately Patts’s instinct is to show the proper respect to Tai’s father. He doesn't get in the middle of their fight. He doesn't ask about it. He just sort of gives them a way to end the fight now, he politely asks about Tai and his other brothers, giving Tai a chance to talk about his family if he wants to. They go back to Tai’s place. Patts, not really thinking about it, walks in on Tai while he's changing, gets to see all the goodies. And then they have this intense moment, and they end up making out on the floor.

I want to make a special note here about La Pluie: La Pluie is one of the first BLs that I can really remember, ever, that when there is a moment of intense sexual tension, releases it. So often these shows just bait us. They titillate us, they want us to get all hot and bothered about ‘whoa, they's ‘bout to kiss’ and then they interrupt it with some nonsense. Or they just don't do anything with it and they tease us and they make bits out of it. And as much as I enjoy these shows, it was so refreshing to see a show go, ‘what if we release it? What if they actually start making out on the floor? What then?’

I get frustrated a lot of times in BL about how they make these boys dickless. And there's this really lovely thing in La Pluie that Patts’s concern was Tai's pleasure. But they stop, because Tai isn't ready. And though Patts was a bit caught up in the moment, he catches himself. And they back off, and they have a conversation about what else is going on. Patts learns a little bit more about Tai—low key they played with some of the yaoi framing in that moment, because as big as Pee is, he crouches himself down and makes himself lower than Tai, and is kind of looking at, up at him in cute ways—because you'd expect Patts to be maybe the seme in this sort of framing—and they do that early on by putting Patts on the left with the date shit when Tai goes to see him, but Patts is queering that narrative by intentionally moving himself to the right when he's trying to get closer to Tai.

When they're on their Chiang Mai trip, one of the most insane things this show does that I will never get over, is…they’re sharing the bed, both of them are awake. They know what's going to happen, we know what's going to happen, but everyone knows Tai is not exactly ready, because we haven't climbed that mountain yet. We haven't dealt with the core angst. We're both two men who are very attracted to each other, and we know we're attracted to each other—so they start to get hot and bothered, but Tai has them stop again, and Patts, our strongest soldier, pulls himself back again. But Tai, listening to his good sis Bow, is like ‘I can't keep leaving this man hanging, I can't keep starting these things and then not finishing it.’ He offers to blow Patts and it was very explicit that that's what happened. We know!

It's so impressive to me that this show presented Tai giving Patts head as a way for him to maintain control over a sexual encounter. The whole notion about giving pleasure as a form of control is something we have not really seen explored in BL this way. I really liked that this show focused on the different ways that two men are going to become more physically and sexually comfortable with each other over time. And even after everything, after Tai has cast him aside, he still chooses to go back to Tai and try and reconcile with him, because he did lose his temper. And that was a scary moment. And I think I like that Patts losing his temper was made as jarring and scary as possible in the show, because I feel like really perfect characters need to have this intense rage about them. Because I have never met a chill pacifist in my life. The choice to be kind is so hard in a world full of cruelty, and I like that underneath the surface of Patts is a temper that he has to manage and maintain. I love my man.

Nini

I can't remember who it is, somebody put this on Tumblr: that Patts is kind but he's not always nice, and Tai is nice but that he's not always kind.

Ben

Exactly.

Nini

Tai seems like, you know, gentle and soft. But when it comes down to it, Tai is the one in the narrative who's actually kind of cruel? It's very interesting to put that on a romantic protagonist. How it ends up getting read is incredibly interesting, because that person is the romantic protagonist, it ends up getting…cast aside, and here I go back into Calvinism and the green flag label [laughs] that I thought I had ventilated with Bed Friend.

Ben

[laughs] As soon as you said that my third eye opened, and I was like—

Nini

Here I go again!

Ben

Where—where's my bat?

[both laugh]

Nini

I didn't get this out of my system the first time, somehow. But yeah, the way that that's received in a protagonist, the fact that the protagonist is kind of a little bit of a bitch boy, quite frankly [laughs], gets glossed over, and then the person who made a mistake has it sort of loom large.

1:32:06 - La Pluie: Depiction of Male Anger

Ben

I got a little bit mad about that with the fandom too like, we got all this bending over backwards week in and week out for Lomfon's rude ass and Tai’s rude ass. Patts loses his temper once, punches a boy, punches a wall, and we're like ‘oh! he's dangerous!’ And I'm like, ‘I hate this!’

And there's a lot more I want to unpack here in the future — this does not feel like the right time to do it, but we really need to talk about that at some point, as a community that engages with romance? Because we have a really fucked-up relationship with violence. Like, Patts, not leaving a mark on Lomfon was seen as egregious. Punching a door in frustration was seen as egregious. But like, Bad Buddy opens up with Pran shit-kicking Pat to the fucking ground, as these boys beat the shit out of each other!

Nini

I think like, it's a lot of things. It's a question of who gets to be angry, and how anger is portrayed, and men's anger, and the way that women—because of the way that we have to be socialized to protect ourselves, the way that we view men's anger that is sort of slightly different from how men will view men's anger? And how being familiar with certain kinds of angry expressions from men is, like, one of the reasons that women shrink from that kind of stuff. And there's so many women in BL fandom.

Like I understood where that was coming from, but at the same time, the show is so legible. It's very legible that this is Patts…reaching the end of his rope, and it's very clear in the show that Patts would never actually hurt anybody. [laughs] He doesn't even really hurt Lomfon. Lomfon is fine! He gets his ass kicked a little bit, but he's fine!

Ben

As our great friend wen-kexing-apologist pointed out, this show has a makeup budget. My boy Tai got his shit fucked up on that mountain, and the makeup crew made sure he looked messed up even in that wet filming situation. They could have afforded to make that boy's mouth bruised the way it should have been for talking the way he was, and my man doesn't. And that's the thing that gets me. Like, everybody else is allowed to be an asshole, but Patts, who I believe deserves to be righteously angry about this shit going down at this point in their relationship—and it's like ‘aw, geez, I don't know about that brah.’

We see, through Patts’s relationship with Nara, that he would never actually hurt Tai. And that's why the intensity of his frustration I think should have been the focus, not the expression of it. I really resented the way it felt like everyone suddenly wanted to regulate Patts’s frustration. I hate the whole notion that he is only allowed to be upset in an attractive, gentle way. Because he's been gentle the whole goddamn time, and everyone has been so rude and disrespectful of him.

Nini

Like, there is room to talk about the expression of Patts’ frustration, but you can't have that room if you're using it in a reductive manner to just completely kick him out the window as a character. I don't buy that, I don't subscribe to it.

1:35:50 - La Pluie: Treatment of Nara

Ben

With Nara, we saw that Patts is capable of dealing with difficult romantic situations. Because Nara is treated so sympathetically about everything that went down with her and Patts. How she feels frustrated about Patts’s soulmate connection with Tai, long before they start talking, I think is valid. Because she felt frustrated. She felt frustrated that anytime it rains, Patts gets moody, and it feels like somebody else is in the middle of their relationship. And you got the sense from them accidentally making out in the rain one time, where Patts immediately cut it off and apologized, that he didn't want to put Tai through that, even before he knew who Tai was. I got that Nara felt frustrated that her intimacy was scheduled around the goddamn rain. She felt an innate jealousy in her own relationship that she knew she was struggling with and couldn't exactly cope with. It wasn't fair to either of them. Patts is like, ‘look if I can get rid of this I would, because I do care about you.’

Nara takes some time. She gets to reflect, she decides to grow. She knows that it's hard out here in these goddamn streets, and Patts is a keeper, and she tries to do the big romantic gesture. And that's why Tai liked her! Because that boy loves big romantic gestures! And Patts lets her down, he apologizes, he's like ‘I'm sorry I may have led you on, I want things to be okay between us. Because what happened between us was real, it mattered to me, and I still care about you even if I can't give you my heart like that anymore.’ Yeah, “we should stay friends” is kind of a cliche, but it feels earned here.

And I also like that Nara got to be disappointed and heartbroken and upset about it too. I liked that people cared about how she felt. They wanted to reintegrate her into the group. The other vets liked Nara, even if she wasn't going to be Patts’ girlfriend anymore. But they understand that in the breakup, they're Patts’s friends. And you know those people respect relationship dynamics, because they didn't just look to Patts to see if Nara was okay to be around, they look to Saengtai, to see how the new person was going to feel about that—particularly because he just ran up a fucking mountain because of her—and he says it's okay, and they were so eager to reintegrate her into the group.

And then she and Dream get to get rolling. And they let us have them at the end! She was like, ‘look, we only got five minutes left in this show, if you going to get this shit you better come correct and you better come now.’ And I loved that! Because the girlies deserved it.

Nini

She said, ‘I'm grown, give it your best shot.’

Ben

I saw some frustrations with the ending, and how a lot of the episode was Tai running around by himself, and meeting some random characters at the end, and…us not spending a lot of time with Patts, like Patts not really talking at the end? But it works for me. Tai had to deal with the silence, for the first time—that he inflicts silence on so many people, and now he's the one who has to sit in the shit that he made.

And I liked him meeting a couple that had challenges to deal with in their relationship, and being told once again, ‘you just got to do the work bro, you gotta talk to each other, you gotta listen to what your partner is saying to you.’ And I like that the final scene with Tai and Patts is Tai not hesitating.

Man! This show was so rewarding to watch because it wasn't trying to trick us.

Nini

The show was wearing its bona fides on the tin. It was very clear where it wanted to go, what it wanted to do. It wasn't playing with us. It wasn't trying to gotcha with us. It was just laying out its central idea, and continually reinforcing it throughout the story and the narrative for the entire way through.

Does that make it, like, unpredictable and exciting? No. But it made it really enjoyable to watch: to watch something lay the path, and then walk the path, was more fun than it, I expected it to be, I have to say.

1:40:47 - La Pluie: The Side Characters

Nini

And, when we're talking about laying the path and walkin’ the path—man, let's just get to it, let's talk about Tien and Lomfon.

Here are the polar opposites, okay, because in Tai and Patts, like you have an agnostic and an apostate, like they're not as far apart as somebody like Tien and Lomfon, who are a true believer and a total atheist. How do they get to the middle? All the shit that happens in the middle, especially, [laughs] how do they get through that and find their way through each other? Basically, Lomfon has to grovel, and I enjoy a good grovel, so I had a great time.

Ben

Here's the thing. My boy Tien deserves so much more than he got. My man initiated a gay pinky touch, and then Lomfon, was like, ‘hm! I don't know what's going on, but I know that I have these special signs from the universe about this stupid key chain, that I need to go kiss this boy's brother, not the one reaching out with the gay pinky touch while taking care of me while I'm sick, twice!’ I'm gonna stay mad at this man. [both laugh]

This man ruined a gay pinky touch. Tien is so patient with both of them. Like Patts is beating up Lomfon, Tai is screaming at the universe, clearly suddenly they can all hear in the rain, Tien doesn't know what's going on—but he cuts through the bullshit right away with Lomfon, it's like, ‘I liked you! Why are you being like this?’ Even when Tai didn't realize what was going on, Tien holds back his own disappointment that his brother maybe didn't necessarily see him the right way, and still says, ‘thank you for always being on my left.’

Ahh! I love that boy so much! He's so good, he deserves so much more. He was dressing like an early 2000s lesbian the whole time, serving nothing but constant looks. He was so fun to watch, especially when he was being kind of sassy with everyone.

Nini

I like Tien as a character, I like his wardrobe…don't even get me started. That outfit he wore to the wedding? Unreal. I loved it so much.

Ben

I loved it. It's so good. Oh my god.

Nini

Un. Real.

Ben

That whole family looked good, like holy shit! [laughs]

Nini

We didn't even talk about Saengnuea! And oh god, we're never going to get forgiven by one of the clowns if we never even bring up Saengnuea.

Ben

He was so awkward and goofy! I, I liked that boy too. I loved Bow, I loved the vets—what's so great about the side characters with La Pluie, is they do their role just enough to help us understand the world in which these characters exist. Like Tai is surrounded by people trying to just pour love all over that boy, and he will just not let them. Patts is surrounded by a community that loves him, that wants the best for him, that wants to make sure that he gets what he deserves too. Oh my god, just—what an excellent show.

1:44:02 - La Pluie: Sequel Potential

Nini

The thing that I think that we want to end up on is, I said before that La Pluie is basically a filmed romance novel. If you are aware of how, like, these romance novels get set up—a lot of the time, it will be multiple stories set in the same universe, where each of the characters basically gets to fall in love. We know at least that the La Pluie people seem to want to get into all of the Saeng brothers and their various romances. I don't know if they will get to, but what do you think about the obvious setup for the Saengtien sequel at the end of the show, and this idea of going into, like, a Bridgerton-esque series of romances using all of the same characters?

How do you feel about that?

Ben

Honestly…I’m a little bit nervous because I just worry that the audience won't respond to it really well. I feel like a significant portion of the audience just actively did not get La Pluie. They were really caught up in the soulmate stuff. And I just feel like a lot of the audience maybe didn't…gel with all the themes?

Nini

So as usual, Ben is the one thinking about everybody else while I very selfishly think about myself. [both laugh] And I'm just like, ‘give it to me.’ I'm ready, I'm here for it. I trust these writers, I trust this director, I think that if they get a chance to delve into this universe in more detail and focusing on different characters, I think that they can nail it? I'm ready to see what happens if they get a chance to do it.

I don't care about whether people are going to get it correctly or not, I don't. I kind of care, but at the same time I don't care. So that being said: Ben, is this a ten or a chop?

Ben

La Pluie is probably in my top five BLs of all time, and it's probably in my top ten shows of all time right now. It's a 10. It's a 10. [laughs] It’s a 10!

Nini

All right? So for Ben it’s a 10, for me it’s definitely a 10, that leaves us with La Pluie as a 10 show!

1:46:01 - Outro

Ben

And we're back.

Nini

Okay Ben, so…lotta ink spilled over these two shows. I don't think I've seen so much meta being written, probably since the Bad Buddy era. We've got a strange combo here: a show that was incredibly legible, and then a show that made you work a little bit harder, and in both instances it feels like people didn't get it? [laughs]

I don't know, what are your thoughts? What do you feel about this?

Ben

One of the big stories of this year is BL maturing as a genre and beginning to genre blend. Like in a lot of ways, La Pluie wants to straddle the line between BL and classic romance, and I think it does a pretty admirable job at it. Whereas Step by Step feels like the BL elements that it's trying to manage are holding it back from what it really wants to be. That feels like the sort of thing that inevitably happens with this type of outgrowth.

La Pluie doesn't really want to say things sort of directly or inherently about queerness, it wants to talk about romance itself. And romance as a genre. Whereas Step by Step really wants to talk about queer stuff in a real world, and that's a whole lot messier to deal with. They both did some things really really well, and the audience connected to that. And what fascinated me so much about it was that the audience felt compelled to talk to each other about it. I felt like that happened maybe more organically on its own with Step by Step? Some of us kind of forced the issue on La Pluie. I know that I was part of it, like very, very directly, and it's been fun seeing people respond to that, by just us saying very earnestly: please tell us what you're thinking. And engaging with what people are writing.

I think it's good for us and the genre to take it more seriously? It has been really fascinating for me seeing people engaging the way they are, but I legitimately feel a bit fatigued by it. And like, the last time I felt fatigue in BL, truly, was at the beginning. I know a lot of you don't watch as much content as I do, like you couldn't possibly do it, it's not healthy for you. I don't know how starved some of you have been for content that you can genuinely connect to, that can help you feel a little bit less lonely about yourself. And like I’d never gotten tired of queer cinema—I’d gotten hurt by it, but I'd never gotten, like, genuinely tired of just being in it that long.

And I feel a little tired from all of the intense writing that La Pluie and Step by Step kind of demanded of us. It's a really fascinating time for me as a fan, to feel like the shows are demanding more of us as viewers, as we watch them, than to just be pleased by them or intrigued by them so that we'll engage and buy merch and stuff. It was really fascinating having two shows this season that really feel like they wanted us to think about things along with them.

Nini

I know that you and I have talked about that feeling of fatigue, like for me, this is the most anything I've watched in years. The level of exhaustion that I felt, and then to have these two shows sort of spring up at the end of the season, and demand—you’re correct—demand my attention…not just in terms of the shows themselves, but then in the reaction to the shows. It's sort of left me a little hollowed out, almost, a little wrung out? I don't know yet if in a good way or a bad way. It's yet to be seen.

I remember saying to you at one point, I was like, I need something mindless to just sit and watch for the next couple of weeks, at least. Or, like, maybe longer, I just need something that I don't need to think about. And that's not a place that I'm accustomed to being in media? Because I am normally the let's get deep into it, let's get into the guts, put your arm in and come back with a beating heart kind of girl when it comes to the stories. And right now I'm just like, eh, I want something shallow and surface that I don't have to think too much about, please, just for a little while. And then I can re-engage my brain later. It's a very strange place for me to be in, I don't think it's a place that I've ever been in? But yeah these these two shows, they took it out of me, I gotta say.

And that's how we end the season ladies and theydies! We are a little wrung out, and we'll probably talk about that a little bit more in the Lagniappe. But yeah! We tired, y'all. [laughs]

Ben

It’s gonna be fascinating, like, getting to listen back over this, because we talked really in the season about how slow it was for me to get into the spring season, coming off of the the winter hangover from Moonlight Chicken, Utsukushii Kare, My School President and The Warp Effect. And it's weird now at the end of the spring season, where…I don't necessarily feel like a tired hangover from it? It's a hard feeling to describe because the winter shows were really good, really hit something in me…

Nini

The winter shows were emotionally intense. There was like a heavy emotional hangover coming off of the winter. I don't feel that emotional hangover now, but I feel mentally drained.

Ben

Yeah, it's a far more cerebral feeling, and like the thing for me is, I grow stronger on that feeling. [both laugh] It's gonna be, it’s gonna be hard for me if these new shows don't keep up! ‘Cause, it's what I want! I do not want to yuck anyone's yums, like, there is absolutely a place for fluff in this genre. I will never, ever vote against the silly and fun shows. I just also really love meaty shows that make me think really hard while I'm watching them. And I love when that feels intentional—like we do a lot of hard thinking on our own about these shows, but damn is it satisfying when it feels like the show itself is in that conversation with us. And I really hope that this isn't the last time we have an Adult Swim episode because we got a bunch of really thinky shows to think about.

Like, I was very harsh to Step by Step when we talked about that show, but I don't want Tee to stop thinking as hard as he does. I want him to stay in the guts of trying to unpack where queer people fit in modern Thai cinema. That's a really important thing to figure out, and queer people should be part of that conversation. And like even if I didn't think this was the best execution of his ideas, I don't want that conversation to get missed because his show didn't land consistently for everyone.

Nini

I'm tired y'all. I'm so tired.

Ben

[laughs] I’m so energized. Keep it coming.

Nini

My brain hurts! And this is the shit that I normally love, but my brain, it hurts, and my brain, she needs a break! And so, a break she shall have. [laughs]

We'll be back at you next time with the Lagniappe, but that's it for us now! We are just going to wrap it up on Adult Swim.

Our first Adult Swim episode: may there be others. We out! Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

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heckinconfusedparade · 2 years

Text

Tails Can’t Sleep

It’s 2am and Tails can’t sleep. He isn’t sure why.

The rooms at a good temperature, he’s comfy, he brushed his teeth, he brushed his fur, didn’t eat anything that would harm his sleep, and it’s quiet aside from the snoring of Sonic on the other side of their dark room in the attic.

Tails has stretched, done nighttime exercises, and has even read a chapter of his book. Nothing is adding up, and it’s hardly the time for math. He slowly gets out of bed and starts to wander around the room. He’s hoping that when he eventually circles back to his bed, he will be comfy enough to sleep. Maybe his sheets are too warm from him laying there?

Being a fox, his footsteps are naturally gentle and quiet, but he is being very extra careful. He doesn’t want to wake Sonic, or worse, wake Ozzie who is asleep in the downstairs hallway and wake up the rest of the house.

He wanders back to his bed and slips under his cool covers. He wiggles around to get comfortable.

5 minutes go by..

Then 10..

Then 15.

Tails groans and turns onto his back. Now he’s getting frustrated. Is a trip to dreamland too much to ask?

Maybe.. maybe he can just go downstairs quickly and get a glass of water. He is a little thirsty. Tails takes his empty cup off his bedside table and makes his way to the hatch. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t watch his step and trips on a loose floorboard he literally made a promise to himself the day before to fix. Turns out procrastination isnt rewarding.

Tails lands on the ground with a thud. He’s thankful that his cup tonight wasn’t made of glass. As he’s getting up, he feels a pair of hands grab him and lift him up “Tails, buddy, you ok?” Sonic says dusting off his little brother. He retrieves his cup and hands it back to him. “Yea.. ‘m sorry for waking you..” Tails takes his cup back into his hands and looks down. Sonic smiles softly at him “hey, don’t worry about it. Let’s go get you that glass of water, ok?” Tails nods and they head downstairs.

They can see in the dark just fine, so they don’t have to turn on any lights. However, being on the main floor is the most dangerous. Right below it, the echidna warrior slumbers. And he is known for his light sleeping. Sonic is shocked Knuckles wasn’t up and ready the second Tails tripped.

Sonic gets himself a glass and he and Tails fill their cups with some nice cool water. They share a cheers and drink.

Then Knuckles appears. Silently he grabs a glass and fills it with water. There’s another cheers shared. Bro was thorsty.

“What are you doin up?” Sonic asks Knuckles. Knuckles shrugs “same as you, I presume. I was thirsty.” Sonic chuckles “nah, I’m awake because someone decided to give the floor a hug.” Sonic nudges Tails who rolls his eyes.

Knuckles looks down at Tails concerned “are you alright? I am sorry I was not there. Are you hurt?”

“No..”

“Alright good. I assume Tails was the one waking up for water then?”

Tails shakes his head “I haven’t been able to sleep all night. I’ve tried everything! Stretches, temperature, I even walked a lap around the room to allow my sheets to get cold again. Nothing worked.”

Sonic and Knuckles think for a bit. Suddenly the lights turn on. The 3 jump and squint. By the switch stands an unhappy Tom.

“What are you boys doing up?” Tom demands. He is not a morning person AT ALL. The boys show their cups. Tom sighs “then what’s with all the chitter chatter? I thought drinking was supposed to be silent.”

Sonic places his cup down “well when you gather 3 brothers in a room, there’s bound to be a friendly chat.” He turns to his brothers and whispers “he’s an only child, he doesn’t get it.” Knuckles and Tails chuckle at Sonics joke. Tom rubs his eyes “hurry up and get back to bed.” He turns the light back off and heads back to his own bed.

Knuckles follows his brothers up to the attic. There is only one option left. When baby bro can’t sleep, baby bro must receive the cuddle pile. Tails is nuzzled between his brothers on his bed. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep, along with the others.

Turns out, all Tails needed was some good snuggles.

#it’s literally 3am #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedghog movie #sonic 2 #sonic #movie sonic #miles tails prower #tails the fox #movie tails #knuckles the echidna #movie knuckles #sonic wachowski #tails wachowski #knuckles wachowski #knuckles

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beeeinyourbonnet · 2 months

Text

Covetous | Chapter 20

Pairing: Nostelle

Summary: Father Joseph MacAvoy wakes up in a library across town with no idea of how he got there. When the kind librarian doesn’t kick him out immediately, he considers that maybe there’s more to life than alcohol.

[chapter 1] [chapter 2] [chapter 3] [chapter 4] [chapter 5] [chapter 6] [chapter 7] [chapter 8] [chapter 9] [chapter 10] [chapter 11] [chapter 12] [chapter 13] [chapter 14] [chapter 15] [chapter 16] [chapter 17] [chapter 18] [chapter 19]

[read on ao3]

-------------------------------

Belle couldn’t explain the nerves she’d woken up with at the thought of meeting with Kathryn again that afternoon. If anything, she should be less nervous for this second meeting instead of more, but maybe it was because a second meeting meant they were closer to the trial, even though there’d been no date set for that yet.

The sooner the trial, the sooner Nosty might end up in prison, and she didn’t know if he’d survive there. Of course she’d visit him, and of course she wouldn’t hold a prison sentence against him, but he valued his freedom above all. He’d been incarcerated before, but never for a felony sentence like this would be. A sentence like that might break him.

At least she didn’t feel the need to impress Kathryn this time, so she didn’t spend longer than usual on her outfit—a belted herringbone dress and yellow cardigan—and arrived at work in a good, if slightly manic, mood.

She shelved her books, gave Kaz more construction paper for the paper chain—almost long enough to drape around the reading room it was for by now—and read more books than usual for story time.

Ashley was coming to relieve her when she left to meet Nosty at Kathryn’s, but since she couldn’t ask her to work just two hours, she came in at lunch.

“What’s all this?” Ashley asked when she spotted the paper chain. Kaz blinked at her.

“It’s decoration,” Belle said. “Can you reshelve that cart?”

While Ashley worked, Belle sat at the circulation desk and browsed new titles she could start ordering next month.

Her phone buzzed around one, but it was just Nosty confirming Kathryn’s address. She sent him a thumbs up and then, on a whim, a heart, and then blushed for no reason. Sending a heart with an address confirmation? His art purchase had turned her even sillier than she’d been.

Kaz appeared in front of her, and she jumped.

“Sorry.” Kaz grinned, not sorry at all, and Belle smiled in response.

“I wasn’t paying attention. What can I do for you?”

“It’s getting a little out of hand.”

She was not wrong. When Belle took one end of the paper chain and Kaz took the other, it spanned almost the whole main area of the library.

“It looks like it’s time to hang it,” Belle said. The two of them trooped into the reading room with a stepladder, tape, and arms full of paper chain, and Belle stood on the ladder while Kaz held the bundle of paper and handed Belle tape.

“What else is going in here?” Kaz asked, watching Belle like she might tumble to her doom at any second.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Belle said. “What do you—oh, hang on.”

She pulled her buzzing phone out of her dress pocket, but when it was only Joseph, ignored it. She could call him back later.

“Anyway, what do you think?”

Kaz shrugged. “What’s the theme?”

Belle chewed her lip, surveying the colors in the chain. Either Kaz had taken care to make sure there was never a double of any color, or she’d gotten lucky, but it was a lovely rainbow gradient.

“Maybe something with clouds? Like a beautiful day after a rain?”

She didn’t blame Kaz for her baffled look, but without any further ideas, she climbed back down the ladder to scoot it a meter over and climb back up.

With one hand on the paper and the other holding tape, her phone buzzed again. Belle sighed and stuck the tape to her palm, fishing her phone out again.

“Joseph? Everything okay? I’m in kind of a precarious ladder situation.”

Holding the phone between her ear and shoulder, she tried to position the paper where she wanted it again.

“A precarious ladder situation?” Joseph asked. “Is everything okay with you?”

“Yes, just hanging some decor.”

“Sorry, I’ll leave you to it, then,” he said, and then hung up.

Too precariously on her ladder, she did not have the energy to parse what had just happened, so she just slipped her phone back into her pocket and taped up her paper.

It took them another fifteen minutes to get the chain fully hung, and in the end, they had to remove about ten links from it.

“It’s perfect,” Belle said. “Maybe I’ll get different shades of construction paper and just hang loads of chains.”

“Do I have to make them all?” Kaz asked, wrinkling her nose.

Belle snorted. “You don’t have to do anything. You are a volunteer, not an employee. Are you hungry?”

Kaz nodded, so they headed out to the snack cart and Belle poured herself a cup of coffee. A quick glance at the wall clock told her she only had about ten minutes left to drink it before she wanted to leave for Kathryn’s office.

“I’ll be leaving early in a little bit, just so you know,” Belle told her as they headed for a table. Ashley had taken over the circulation desk, and there was no point in Belle disturbing her now.

“What for?” Kaz asked.

“I have to meet with my solicitor,” she said. There was no reason for Kaz to assume the solicitor had anything to do with Nosty, so that was safe.

“Solicitor? What for?”

Belle really should have prepared for that question. “Just routine,” she said, hoping that Kaz was young enough to believe that routine visits with solicitors were normal.

“Can I stay a bit longer?”

“Sure.” Belle shrugged. “You’re welcome any time.”

They drank together in companionable silence until Belle had to retreat to her office to pack up and go, and it was just as she was hoisting her purse over her shoulder that Joseph burst in, collarino falling off and hair sticking up every which way.

“Joseph!” She was too shocked to moderate her tone. “What’s wrong?”

Joseph licked his lips. “Belle, I’m so sorry.”

It was like he’d dumped ice on her. There was only one reason he’d be sorry enough to rush here—something was wrong with Nosty.

“What happened?” she asked. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe someone had stolen her car or something. Maybe he’d relapsed.

“Can we talk outside?” he asked.

“Okay.” She locked her office with numb fingers, barely remembering to wave to Ashley and Kaz as she followed Joseph to the parking lot.

Nosty wasn’t there, though she hadn’t expected him to be.

“What is it?” she asked, sounding like a stranger to her own ears.

One of Joseph’s hands reached inside his jacket, but returned empty. “Belle, you know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?”

“Of course,” she said, too busy imagining Nosty lying dead in a ditch or dead in a pew or dead impaled on kitchen knife to question this direction in the conversation.

“Nosty left.”

The images froze. She hadn’t heard him right. Nosty hadn’t left. Sure, yesterday therapy had left him raw, and even though he didn’t tell her what they’d talked about, she knew it had been harrowing for him. But she’d spent hours on the phone just being with him, cheering him up, she’d thought. He wouldn’t have left. Not again, not like this.

“What?” she said. She couldn’t see anything other than the blue roof of her car right in front of her.

“He left.”

She clutched her keys hard enough to hurt and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Belle?”

“No.” She shook her head, opening her eyes. Nosty had no reason to leave. But then, Joseph had no reason to come all the way down here just to lie. “He wouldn’t.”

“Yes, he would,” Joseph said, and before Belle could even begin to scream, he raised his hands in surrender. “And I know he would, because—because it’s my fault.”

Belle frowned. “What do you mean?”

Joseph looked as though he’d prefer to be anywhere but there. “I said some—well, some awful things. And he stormed off and said he was leaving.”

“What did you say?” It didn’t make sense. Had Joseph tried to defend her honor or something? Had he told Nosty they’d kissed?

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Just—it was bad.”

“It does matter.” It mattered because what if it was nothing? What if Joseph had quoted the bible and Nosty had run off citing freedom of religion? Or what if he’d mentioned the kiss and Nosty had left in a jealous rage?

“Please, Belle, I don’t—” He wrung his hands, then touched one to her wrist. She laid a hand over it in reflex. “I’m so ashamed.”

“What could you possibly have said that was that bad?”

Joseph closed his eyes, and she thought he was going to continue not answering, but then he threw his hands up.

“I said he had shelter and food at my mercy, and—” He pinched his bottom lip. “Well, I guess the implications were that I could take it away for any reason.”

It took Belle what felt like hours to process these two sentences. She kept trying to rearrange them into something that made sense, but they kept being awful. After an eternity of Joseph watching her like it was only a matter of time before she tore his throat out, she closed her eyes. Nosty was gone again.

“How could you do this to him?” she whispered and then, louder, “How dare you do this to him. You’re the one who offered him a place to stay!”

“Belle, please, I’m so sorry.” He touched her elbow and she tore it away, unlocking her car with two angry punches to the fob.

“Don’t touch me,” she said, and he raised his hands again. She yanked her door open and threw herself in, needing to get as far away from Joseph as possible so she could cry.

“What are you doing? Where are you going?”

She glared up at him, into his helpless face. She wanted to slam her car door into it. “I’m going to find him, and if I can’t find him, I’m going to go tell his solicitor exactly what happened and try to keep him out of prison.”

“Let me help you. Please, Belle.” He grabbed the top edge of the door. “It’s the least I can do.”

“You’ve done enough.” She tugged the door out of his grasp and shut it, unable to look at his wounded, desolate expression because it just reminded her of Joseph another lifetime ago, a Joseph who’d held her and called every hospital in town.

Did that Joseph even believe in her either?

She started the car, and when she put it in reverse, Joseph backed away. He was calling her name, so she turned the radio on, and then all she could see as she backed out was him clasping his hands in a plea and mouthing Belle, wait! to the too-happy song playing through the speakers.

****

MacAvoy stared at the empty space where Belle had been until well after she’d gone. What had he expected to happen? He’d gone and fucked it all up again, just like he’d always known he would.

For this, he deserved a drink.

****

Belle cried the whole drive to Kathryn’s, a fresh wave of tears coming every time she phoned Nosty and he didn’t pick up. She wanted to have faith in him, and maybe if she had longer than twenty minutes to process, she would, but now it felt like Joseph had picked the scab off an old wound and driven a knife into it, and all she had to stop the bleeding was her fingers.

She parked a block away and dug some napkins out of her glove compartment to fix herself, though there was nothing she could actually do about her makeup except wipe the tracks of mascara off her cheeks. At this rate, she’d be late meeting Kathryn, but she was sure the solicitor would understand.

As put together as she could be under the circumstances, Belle got out of the car and forced her legs to carry her to the office building.

Then, when she turned the corner, there was Nosty, smoking a cigarette at the picnic table and reading. She blinked and shook her head a few times to be sure she wasn’t hallucinating, then sprinted to him, heels and all.

He closed his book and stood, opening his arms to receive her with an oof as she barreled into him.

“Oh my god, you’re here.” She squeezed him so tightly, she could feel his ribs.

“Said I would be, didn’t I?” He rested his lips atop her head, and she could have cried again. “I guess you talked to the Father.”

“I thought you were gone forever. Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

He shrugged. “Didn’t want to let him off the hook if he was with you.”

“Nosty, I am so, so sorry.” She turned her head so she could breathe, loosened her grip just a hair, and rested her cheek on his chest.

“Don’t apologize.” One of his hands came to rest on the back of her head while the other stayed curled protectively about her waist.

“What happened?” she asked. She had been too frantic to ask Joseph any followup questions, and she considered now that, maybe in her panic, she’d overreacted. Safe in Nosty’s arms, the rage that had filled her seemed so far away.

“He’s fucking mental, that’s what happened.”

She wanted to look up at him but couldn’t bring herself to lift any part of her from any part of him, so she just slipped her hands under his jacket to clutch at the back of his t-shirt.

“He told me what he said,” she said. “But he didn’t tell me why.”

Nosty didn’t speak, so with a tiny sigh, she leaned back to look at him. If she didn’t know better, she’d say that the pink tinge on his cheeks and the way he wouldn’t meet her eyes meant he was embarrassed. Embarrassed of what, though?

“Nosty?”

“You might be mad,” he said.

Of course. Of course she might be mad. She didn’t know what to think anymore. Joseph had come to her to self-flagellate, but he didn’t want to tell her what Nosty said because he didn’t want to incriminate him. She would have to apologize to him later, but she would be the judge of what did and didn’t make her mad.

“Lay it on me,” Belle said.

He tapped her left arm. “Need to get in me pocket.”

She moved out of his way and he came out with a folded piece of paper that looked like it had gone through a washing machine and handed it to her

Accepting that she would have to let go of him eventually, she unfolded it and scanned quickly. As she read, her cheeks warmed with heat she could not acknowledge standing on a public lawn. This was Nosty’s clean bill of sexual health, just like the one she’d received over the phone yesterday.

“I don’t understand,” she said. “Why would I be mad?”

Nosty shrugged, his feigned nonchalance as familiar to her now as his jacket. “Joseph seemed to think it was presumptuous to go without you.”

She had never felt so stupid in her life as she did trying to process each tiny piece of information about this conflict. It seemed so easy to understand, and yet every time one of the men said something, she had to pause and deconstruct every single word over and over before she got the picture.

The picture, as she best understood it, was that Joseph had somehow found out that Nosty had gotten tested and then lost his mind.

“How did he even know?” she asked.

“Belle, come on, you don’t want to hear anymore.”

Belle frowned, folding the letter back up and handing it to him. She was opening her mouth to say something but was saved the trouble by Kathryn calling their names. Nosty turned, and they both waved as Kathryn made her way to the picnic table with her legal pad, a cup of tea, and Joanna in tow with two more.

“I figured you’d want to meet down here again,” Kathryn said, taking her seat. Joanna set the cups down and then fled back inside.

“Thanks,” Nosty said before Belle could, and she could have fainted with shock.

They joined her at the table, and Belle forced herself to focus on the matter at hand instead of trying to figure out what had happened today.

Kathryn had gotten Nosty a court date for three months from then, and Nosty grimaced. Belle wanted to grimace as well—as long as he was out on bail, they were free—but she just took his hand under the table and squeezed.

“I think we should talk about the actual trial,” Kathryn said. “We want to make Nosty look as sympathetic as possible. I know his story is sympathetic, but you know how juries are.”

Nosty snorted. “Aye.”

Belle didn’t know how juries were specifically, but she knew how people were. She knew what people saw when they saw Nosty.

“So, first thing’s first, I don’t think you should go by ‘Nosty’ in court.”

Belle bit her lip to keep from saying anything, especially when Nosty yanked his hand away to fold his arms. This was his call.

“Why not?” he asked. “Never been a problem before.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. “Were you found innocent before?”

Nosty’s glare held no fire, and Belle almost laughed. “No.”

“Okay, so what is your real name?”

Belle watched Nosty and Kathryn watch each other like it was riveting cinema. Nosty had the full force of his glare turned on the solicitor, and Kathryn just smiled blandly in return, not moving an inch. Finally, Nosty huffed.

“What if my real name is worse?”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Kathryn said.

Nosty glanced at Belle, and she only shrugged. “You’ve never told me your real name, so I can’t help you.”

He groaned, fingers tapping against the bench like they weren’t attached to him.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me,” Kathryn said. “It’s all your choice. But if we put you on the stand and say, ‘This is Nosty, he assaulted a cop,’ they’re all going to say, ‘of course he did.’”

“Fine.” He snatched Belle’s hand up again, and she squeezed his fingers. “It’s Fraser.”

“That’s not bad at all,” Kathryn said, jotting it down. “Last name?”

Nosty mumbled something. Belle and Kathryn both leaned closer.

“Didn’t catch that,” Kathryn said.

“I said, that is me last name, and it’s dead to me.”

“After this, you never have to acknowledge it again,” Belle said. “Though it probably wouldn’t hurt to get some ID.”

“I guess Nosty Fraser isn’t so bad if you really don’t want to give a first name,” Kathryn said. “It doesn’t really roll off the tongue though, does it?”

Nosty glanced down at Belle. What did he think was going to happen? She’d hear whatever his name was and immediately turn against him?

“Nosty, we’ll still call you whatever you want,” Belle said. “This is just for the court.”

He groaned again, then slapped his other hand on the table. “Fine, it’s John. Happy? I’m just a sad, boring fuck named John, just like every other bloke in the fucking UK.”

It took a herculean effort for Belle not to laugh, but she forced down her amusement as Kathryn made a long note on her pad, much longer than just the word “John.”

“Oh, Nosty,” she said, and when he glared at her, she couldn’t stop her eyes crinkling. “Just because your name is common, it doesn’t mean you are.”

“It’s perfect is what it is,” Kathryn said. “John Fraser? Who’s afraid of that guy?”

This statement did not help soothe Nosty in any way, but Belle’s snickering seemed to take the wind out of his sails, and he loosened his grip on her hand.

“Fine, but if I hear it outside of the courtroom, I’m knocking both your heads together.”

It was such an empty threat, even Kathryn smiled.

“Duly noted. Now, your look.”

Nosty spluttered. “What d’you mean? This is how I fucking look.”

Kathryn shook her head. “Not in court, it isn’t. Do you have a suit?”

“Do I have—”

“We’ll get one,” Belle said, patting Nosty on the hand. “What else?”

“Keep it mute, sedate. If it looks like church clothes, it’s perfect.” Kathryn took a sip of her tea, giving Nosty a chance to settle, and then said. “You’ll want to be clean shaven as well, and I think you should shave off the locks.”

“No.” Nosty shook his head. “Absolutely not. D’you know what I’ll look like with a shaved head? A fucking skinhead, that’s what. No.”

Belle studied him, and he probably wasn’t wrong. As skinny and gaunt as he was, he would certainly look threatening in a new way if he was bald as well.

“If you shaved it off now, it would have plenty of time to grow back,” Kathryn said. “Just think about it, okay? If you show up looking like a clean-cut former altar boy, it’ll make a huge difference, especially with Belle there.”

Nosty cast her a helpless look, so Belle squeezed his hand again.

“We’ll think about it,” Belle said. “We’ll definitely think about it.”

“Good.” Kathryn smiled, making a few more notes. “Now, let’s talk a bit more about our defense.”

****

Nosty was quiet as they walked back to the car, hand resting loosely in Belle’s. She thought the meeting had gone well, but then, she wasn’t the one Kathryn had lain bare.

“You don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to,” Belle said. “I mean, I think you should wear a suit, but you don’t even have to do that.”

Nosty grunted, so she said no more, content to swing their hands between them. Once in the car, Nosty dug through her purse for the snack she always brought him, and a swell of affection ballooned in her chest.

She drove off, though she wasn’t exactly sure where she was going. Obviously, she wasn’t taking him back to the church right now, but would he go back later? She still didn’t exactly know what happened.

For now, she’d drive to her flat, and then they could walk somewhere to get dinner. Maybe once Nosty calmed, they could talk more about the hair.

He polished off the bag of crisps she’d brought, then rolled the window down to stick his head out. Even the thought of what happened with Joseph couldn’t quash Belle’s happiness right then. Nosty had pulled his disappearing act, but he hadn’t disappeared on her. This was what she’d wanted, wasn’t it? For him to prove that he was in it for good?

“Belle?” Nosty rolled up the window.

“Mm?”

“You’ll still look at me if I look like a skinhead for a few weeks until me hair grows, yeah?”

She glanced at him, then grinned. “Of course. Besides, I think if we go to a professional instead of me shaving it in a bathroom, they might be able to salvage some.”

“You think?” He pulled the mirror down and bunched up his locks, tugging them back and studying his face. He wrinkled his nose and shut the mirror.

“You really don’t have to cut it, Nosty.” She squeezed his knee, but couldn’t keep her hand there since she needed it to drive.

“It’s fine. I don’t need it anymore.”

She frowned, almost hitting the car in front of her when she glanced at him. “What do you mean?”

“Eh, it’s like—” Nosty moved his hands like he might find the words in the air. “It’s like armor, right? That’s what the shrink says, I have all this armor, like me kilt.” He plucked at the kilt. “But I don’t need all of it anymore.”

She smiled at the road. “You don’t?”

“Nah, I’m not going it alone anymore. I’ve got you now.”

Belle was on the verge of responding when what he’d said hit her, and the words disappeared. I’ve got you now.

It was the sign she’d been waiting for, and if she did not kiss him immediately, she would disintegrate. She turned onto the next street, pulling into the first open space she saw while Nosty watched her with a furrowed brow.

“Belle, what are you doing?”

She put the car in park, unbuckled her seatbelt, then grabbed his face and planted her lips on his.

“Got it,” he said, and then his hands were in her hair, and he was biting her lower lip, and she was pressing herself as close to him as she could with the console in the way.

“Nosty,” she sighed into his mouth.

He bit her lip again and then dragged his mouth off hers to kiss down her jaw, holding her head still.

“Yes, love?” he growled.

“I couldn’t go another second without kissing you,” she said. “I forgive you.”

He groaned, surging toward her and then stopping to glare at the cupholders. She laughed, but she felt the same.

“We should probably get going,” she said, though she tilted her head back as he kissed down her neck.

“Are you kidding? Get in the back seat. My cock is clean as fuck, let’s go.”

She felt his smile against her neck when she snorted, but he did bring up a good point about all the things they could now do. “Come on, let’s go on a date or something.”

“What’s with you and dates?” He pulled himself off her neck, and she took the opportunity to kiss him once more before turning to the wheel. She didn’t want to be in this car anymore.

“I like you,” she said. “I want to date you.”

“There are too many other people,” he said. “I want to just be with you.”

“Maybe another night, then?” She wasn’t giving up on being able to do things with another person.

Nosty’s hand slid across the console to rest on her thigh, and she could have melted. “If it makes you happy, love.”

“You make me happy.”

He grinned, and she could not get them home fast enough.

****

MacAvoy didn’t know how he made it, but he’d walked all the way home from the library. It took hours, and it was only the pain in his feet and legs and stomach that reminded him he hadn’t died.

He wished he’d died, but if the look on Belle’s face as she drove away from him hadn’t killed him, nothing would.

He knew he shouldn’t have bought a bottle of whiskey on his way home, but what the fuck did it matter now? At least it was cheap so he wouldn’t feel guilty about wasting money as he poured it straight down his gullet.

Nosty’s presence had never been a comfort until now, when his absence loomed over MacAvoy like the grim reaper. He dragged himself through the barren church, up the stairs to the kitchen.

There was still plenty of food, but he didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want to think. He just wanted oblivion, the void.

After grabbing a mug from the dish rack—Nosty’s from that morning—he sat down and plopped it onto the table with an angry thunk.

With weak, trembling hands, he unscrewed the cap off his whiskey and sloshed some into his mug. Sweet relief would be his soon, but when he brought the mug to his nose and inhaled deeply, he coughed. The smell made his eyes water.

No matter. He tipped the mug back, ready for the joy of alcohol, and when it touched his lips, he gagged, the smell so horrendous, his stomach lurched.

“Fuck.” He stood, glowering at the bottle, and then he hurled his mug, followed by the bottle, against the door, relishing the shatter of glass and ceramic much more than he’d relished the drink.

#anyelle #anyelle fic #anyelle fanfic #new update #nostelle #nosty x belle #nosty #nostelle fic #anyelle fanfiction #covetous

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eddiesgorlie · 2 years

Text

He’s so Lana Part One

Austin Butler x Female!OC (Presley Lane)

Summary: Presley, a record store owner meets Austin one day when he comes in the shop.

Warnings: None! Just fluffy:)

Word count: 1,014

Let me know if you’d want a part 2!

I had been sitting behind the counter of my record store “Lucy In The Sky With Records” when a tall man with jet black hair walked through the door. He looked a little lost as he looked around and quickly approached the counter. “Hey there, do you have any Elvis records?” He asked. “Presley or Costello?” I asked. “Sorry. Presley.” He smiled. “Follow me.” I smiled as I walked out from behind the counter and started towards the Elvis section.

I stopped and turned to look at him. “Have you ever listened to Lana Del Rey?” I asked. “Oh. No I haven’t.” He said. “Well then I’ll just have to hook you up with some Lana. You remind me a lot of a Lana record.” I said, tilting my head as I spoke. “Thank you?” He said, confused. “It’s a compliment, I promise.” I smiled. “Well then, thank you very much.” He said.

“All of your Elvis is going to be right here-” I said before I was cut off. “Daisy!” My new employee yelled from the back. “I’ll be there in a second, Jim.” I yelled back. “Sorry, as I was saying, all of the Elvis is going to be here and I try to put all of the records in alphabetical order by titles. I can guarantee that none of the records are scratched or warped, and all prices are on the sticker on the top right corner of the plastic sleeve.” I smiled. “Thank you very much for your help.” He smiled. “Of course..?” I said, waiting for his name. “Austin, Austin Butler. And may I have the pleasure of knowing yours?” He asked. I shook his hand. “I go by many names. Call me whatever you want.” I smiled as I walked away.

I cautiously watched as he dug through the records, looking at every one and putting them in a pile. Something about him just seemed so familiar. I googled his name and there everything was, he was an actor and there were rumors of him playing Elvis Presley.

Now when I looked, he had probably about 20 records stacked up and was still looking. I left the counter and walked to the R’s to grab a Lana Del Rey record and I immediately decided on “Born To Die”.

“Since it looks like you’re buying a lot, I’ll give you a discount, Mr. Butler.” I smiled. “Thank you. And you can call me Austin.” He said. “Ok, Austin.” I said.

I continued logging new arrivals into the system and pricing them until Austin came up to the counter bring what looked to be 3 stacks of 15 records each. “You bought me out of all of my Elvis.” I laughed. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just a huge fan.” He laughed. “Oh don’t apologize sweetheart, people like you keep me in business.” I said. I started separating the records and put a stack of 10 aside. “So I’ll give these to you for free and go ahead and grab like 5 CDs and I’ll throw those in too.” I said. “I’m not sure I need any CD’s, I think I’ll just get the albums.” He said. “They’re free. At least take a look?” I said. He nodded with a smile and started looking through the CD’s in front of the counter.

“Who’s that?” He asked, looking up at the picture on the wall. “That is my mama and dad when they met at Woodstock.” I smiled. “Woodstock, how neat. How old were they?” He asked. “My mom was 15 and my dad 17. My mom had written her number down on a piece of a napkin but with all the mud it got lost and they didn’t meet again until 15 years later.” I said. “They must have been meant to be.” He said, setting 3 Elvis and Beatles CD’s on the counter. “Oh a Beatles boy.” I smiled. “Thats me.” He smiled. “My dad loves the Beatles and my mom loved Elvis. That’s actually how they picked my name.” I said. “Well now I have to know your name.” He said. “Presley Lane. It was a very close tie between my name, Eleanor Rigby, Lucy Skye and Penny Lane. Of course mom being the Elvis fan made the final decision.” I said. “Presley Lane.. has a nice ring to it.” He said. “Well, thank you.” I smiled.

“Ok, Austin, the total is going to be $350.00 even.” I said. “You wouldn’t believe the record prices I’ve seen around town today. Its crazy! I really appreciate your pricing.” He smiled as he swiped his card. “Well of course, Mr. Presley.” I smirked. His head shot up. “You looked so familiar so I had to google you. Congratulations on the role. I’ve been watching you since you were on Zoey101.” I laughed. “Thank you. I’m nervous but I have a good feeling about it.” He said.

“I wish you luck and here.” I grabbed one of my business cards and started writing my cell number on the back. “I don’t want to make the same mistake my parents made and have a lot of lost time together.” I said, sliding him the card. He grabbed it and looked at it before putting it in his pocket. “You have a great day.” He smiled as he picked up all 5 of the bags. “You as well, tell me what you think of Lana.” I waved as he pushed to door open. “Will do.” He smiled before the door shut.

It had been two days since I met Austin and he never text or called and I began losing hope until I was opening the store one day and my phone buzzed.

Unknown Number

Hey, I’ve just listened to the Lana Del Rey record and I love it but I would love to hear your ideas on it. Dinner at my place at eight?

Sorry, this is Austin btw.

Sure! I’d love that. I’m glad you enjoyed the record.

I couldn’t hold it my excitement as i jumped and shrieked like a teenage girl.

Do y’all want a part two of this story?👀

Taglist:

@Purejasmine

@violetdaze25

@maddiemunson333

@Shelbygeek

@ABloversblog

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boydepartment · 2 years

Text

Pizza Parlor- Lee Felix: Chapter Eight!

Description: Y/n is a stressed-out college student who has no idea what she is doing with her life. She is always wrapped up in nostalgia and her friends seem to know exactly what they're doing. Feeling insecure one night she decides to go on an old website. Club Penguin. Little does she know; she would encounter a certain penguin who was also having a rough night.

Stray Kids are idols, TXT is not.

Partial smau, mainly written.

Warnings for chapter 8: cursing!

WC- 3k??? bro tbh I don’t count this shit; I have this all on one word doc with 21k words total.

back next

masterlist

```

Song for Chapter 8: Riptide- Vance Joy

Chapter 8: What.

The days leading up to spring break you couldn’t wait. Of course, you still helped the store A LOT before yours and Lea’s vacation due to feeling a little guilty. But at the end of the day, you were so excited. Today you just finished your last day of work, and you were walking home with Felix on the phone.

“You deserve this break.” He said, starting to yawn.

“You can get some sleep you know?” You teased him, nowadays Felix hadn’t wanted to stop talking to you. You didn’t mind, you would beg him sometimes to give you attention as well.

“Not until you get home safely…” Felix mumbled.

“This is kind of like the first time we called a couple months ago…” You smiled; Felix let out a soft chuckle.

“It’s when you became my fake girlfriend.”

Beaming at the memory you walked up to your apartment complex, “I am a little nervous for the flight tomorrow morning… I haven’t been on a plane in forever…”

“You’ll be okay Y/n, I go on them all the time.” He yawned again. That was the other thing, you still had no clue what he did for a living. Maybe he really was Magic Mike-ing it up.

“I know but I just get nervous sometimes, I’m kinda a homebody. Kind of like your friend Han.” You have spoken to his roommates and his friend Han. You hadn’t really got to meet his other friends though. You didn’t mind, you got off the elevator and started walking to your apartment.

“I get it, it’ll be kind of stressful at first but then-“When you walked into your apartment Kai and Lea practically pounced on you, you yelped.

“WE FUCKED UP!” Kai yelled.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE!? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GOT THE TIMES WRONG!” Lea yelled. You looked between the both of them.

“What!? What do you mean!?” What the hell was going on!?

“OUR FLIGHT IS FOR 10:45PM NOT AM!” Kai said and dug his hands in his hair. You checked the clock, oh my god it was 8:15.

“Y/N GET PACKED WE NEED TO LEAVE ASAP!” Lea grabbed you and shoved you in your room. Quickly you grabbed you phone.

“Felix I am so sorry I am home now and- “

“It’s okay!! I heard!” He chuckled a bit then started laughing.

You started frantically packing, changer, laptop, clothes, HYGIENE PRODUCTS! You were racing like a madman.

“Where are you guys headed to anyways?” Felix sounded excited.

“Oh, to visit Kai’s sister remember?” You started to shove everything in your bag. They weren’t shoving in right, and you remembered you also needed socks and a pair of other shoes, not just sneakers.

“Yeah, but wheeeere?” Felix whined as he watched you race around your room. Without even thinking you answered. Honestly you could have told him sooner, but it just didn’t really cross your mind since you have been referring to it as ‘the trip’ for so long. Plus you and him have been so busy recently.

“Seoul, South Korea. Kai’s sister is an idol and has a vacation. Huening Bahiyyih.” You said quickly, finally zipping up your bag.

“WHAT!? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN!?” Felix dropped his phone, and you heard a million curses fly out of his mouth.

“Y/N ARE YOU READY!?” Kai yelled from outside of your door.

“JUST A SEC!” You yelled back. Turning back to your phone you couldn’t even see Felix on the Facetime anymore, “I am so sorry I have to go; I love you!” You quickly hung up and when you opened the door you were practically being dragged out the door. You didn’t even check your texts which were being blown up. There was absolutely no time to waste. The airport was NO JOKE! Kai’s family took traveling serious since they have been doing it for so many years. Well their parents, obviously Kai didn’t.

When you three met up with Kai’s parents you saw them chuckle at your guys’ appearance. Messy hair, out of breath from running, probably sweaty too. As you guys went through security you started to get really nervous. You really hadn’t been on a plane in forever and now you were close to puking. You had absolutely no mental time to prepare for this. UGH WHY DID KAI HAVE TO BE SO-

Lea put her hand on your shoulder and tried to calm you down, you didn’t really have the mentality to fully calm down, but she was helping a lot. She got you two a couple snacks without Kai noticing.

When getting settled into the plane you had to prepare yourself for the long flight, you would’ve brought an old 3ds or handheld system but since you were rushing you didn’t really think about it. You were sat in the middle of Kai and Lea, and she ended up knocking out, so you had to talk to the guy you wanted to throw off the plane- all jokes… maybe.

“Want to watch me play Animal Crossing?” Kai whispered to you. You looked at him and nodded, at least he was sharing.

“You’re lucky I like Animal Crossing.” You teased and watched him take out his Switch Lite.

“I am shocked they didn’t flag you.” You whispered to him, he looked at you and shrugged. He started the game, and you watched his little villager run across the island. Sometimes you missed the old games on the ds or game cube, it made that little feeling of nostalgia come back. When Kai’s other sister left for Seoul, he was really sad about it, so you and Yeonjun would play whatever game Kai wanted for hours on end. He almost always chose Animal Crossing, sometimes he would play Mario Kart or some computer game, but for the most part it was some Animal Crossing game. You and Yeonjun had no problem with taking turns with him. It would help him calm down, you will always be thankful that you and Yeonjun were there for him during that time.

“This villager is kind of ugly, but I am attached to her.” Kai said softly, “she has always helped with the bridges and stuff.”

“Mhm…” You mumbled, starting to doze off. You fell asleep on Kai’s shoulder.

You don’t know when you woke up, but you woke up to Lea sleeping on you and Kai eating some sort of airplane meal, you blinked and stretched as much as you possible could.

“What the hell is that?” You asked Kai, he looked at you and tried not to lose his shit.

“Honestly, Y/n I have no clue.” Kai started giggling.

“Can I have a bite?” You asked, now aware of how hungry you were. Kai pondered for a sec, probably debating on making a joke or just letting you have some. He decided to just let you have some. Next thing you knew Lea woke up and wanted some of Kai’s food too.

“Is this going to happen every time I order anything on this trip?” Kai asked while trying not to laugh. Lea nodded and got up to use the restroom, she was still really sleepy.

“Oh, I wanted to thank you again Kai, for inviting me. Even if I did want to strangle you earlier.” You said and yawned. Kai smiled down at you.

“Of course, I honestly wouldn’t have invited anyone else, I know you don’t get all butthurt if there is like only immediate family plans, you’re just happy to be here with us and I appreciate that, plus Yeonjun would’ve been hitting on Lea the entire time.” He joked and started to clean up his little area.

“He has had a crush on her for years huh?” You asked.

“Who has had a crush on who?” Lea asked now back from the bathroom.

“Soobin has a crush on one of our professors.” Kai said quickly, your jaw dropped, and you almost started cackling. Lea gave some sort of disgusted look then shrugged.

The rest of the plane ride was you falling in and out of sleep, playing uno with Lea and Kai, or watching a movie Lea downloaded on her phone. Kai said he wanted to plane to crash before he watched yet another Twilight movie. Just as you were starting to get used to being on the plane it was time to land, which did set your nerves off again, but Lea helped you calm down.

Being able to walk on land again felt like Heaven on EARTH. You wanted to kiss the floor and do a little dance, however that would be so embarrassing, so you didn’t.

Kai’s parents had gotten a really nice hotel for themselves, and you guys got an Air BnB somewhere in Seoul. Kai’s dad gave him the address and sent you guys off.

“Don’t you think he should have walked us or got us a car this thing is like a 20-minute walk.” Lea asked Kai, he just shrugged.

“You know how excited they are for this trip; he probably didn’t think about it yaknow.” Kai said, they started getting into a conversation about the different dinners and how they are going to see their sister. You decided to hold onto Lea’s bag so you could check your phone and walk. You had about a million texts and calls from Felix. That was… weird… You decided to call him, and you waited and waited until you were sent to voicemail. You really hoped he was okay… Was he mad that you left so abruptly?

You guys kept walking until Kai was super confused by the directions, “my phone is being so stupid. Lea, do you think you can navigate?”

“Kai everytime I was in Seoul I was driven around, to be honest… I wasn’t even paying attention half the time…” She cringed, Kai’s jaw was on the floor, you closed it and lead them to a bench in front of this big building.

“Guys let’s just calm down we can figure this out!” You let out a nervous laugh, the odds were REALLY stacked against you guys, none of you had any experience navigating here and you are ALL lost.

“I am going to call dad.” Lea said, “you two try and figure out the maps.” Lea walked like 10 feet away and left you and Kai to your own devices.

“Okay… So, this is the address. It keeps having us go into a circle…” Kai mumbled, you leaned over to look at his phone.

“Kai, I don’t think the address is right,” you looked up and saw Lea stomping over.

“DAD ISNT ANSWERING!” Lea said, at this point she probably was getting stressed out because it was starting to get dark. None of you wanted to be out late at night in a country you didn’t know.

“Okay uhhh.” Kai started to ponder as Lea snatched his phone. At some point you started laughing, maybe from stress or nerves but you just started to laugh.

“We are SO lost and have no idea to get to anywhere.” You said between breaths, at some point they started laughing too.

“We could literally DIE if we don’t figure this out.” Kai said giggling.

“Okay okay okay!” Lea said, “lets reevaluate! We are lost, and Kai’s phone is not working!”

None of you even noticed a random man walk up to you, “uh do you guys need some help?” He wore a hat and a mask, all black. The three of you jumped.

“No.” “Yes!” Kai interrupted Lea, “we need help finding this address, we flew here from the US to visit our sister and we are really lost.” He explained.

“May I see the address?” The guy asked, the more you looked at him the more you were astonished, this man was BUILT. As you were listening to his directions your phone started ringing, you didn’t have time to answer though.

“And then take a left and it’s in like a little corner, it is in the city though so do be careful especially right now. If you get lost again just come back here and ask someone inside.” The guy said, you three nodded and started on your way.

“He sounded so Australian.” Lea whispered and giggled. You couldn’t help but giggle too, “did you see how built he was?”

“Ew guys stop.” Kai rolled his eyes and swatted you two. You guys followed the man’s directions and actually did make it to the air bnb. Kai punched in the code and you guys surveyed the area.

“Seems really clean,” Lea said, “and quiet!”

Kai let out a hum of agreeance and picked his room. You guys would be staying a week so quickly when you peaked your head in his chosen room you already saw his stuff everywhere. Laughing you went to yours and Lea’s shared room.

“Oh my god we get bunk beds?!” You said excitedly.

“Yes!!!” She started giggling again. You and Lea started unpacking then Kai walked in.

“What are we going to do for dinner? I am literally starving.” He said and sat on your bunk; you had given Lea the top bunk.

“I am sure there’s some sort of like 24-hour place, right? You can stop by there and then tomorrow we can go full grocery shopping.” You turned to Lea, she nodded.

“Okay but Lea is doing the talking.” Kai said quickly. Then you got an idea.

“Maybe they have like leftover stuff in the pantry?” You got up and walked to the kitchen, finally also checking your phone again you decided to try and call Felix back again. You checked the pantry and saw nothing, sighing you called from the kitchen that they would have to go to the store. Your phone rang once, then twice, and just as you thought that he wasn’t going to answer he did. When he did it was LOUD.

“SEUNGMIN LITERALLY ROLL UP THE WINDOW IT IS TOO LOUD AND I AM ANSWERING THE PHONE!”

“Um hello…?” You let out a soft laugh.

“Y/N!” Felix yelled; you heard yelling again in the background too.

“Where are you right now?” Laughing you waved bye to Kai and Lea; you trusted Kai to get what he thinks will cure your hunger.

“UM I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU THAT.” Felix said, one of them must’ve rolled the window down again because it was loud again.

“Felix, call me back when you get home, I can’t hear shit!” You said in a playful manner.

“FINE BUT PROMISE TO ANSWER!”

“I pinky promise!”

“Okay!” He then hung up quickly and then your phone buzzed.

It was an I love you text saying he forgot to say it in the midst of Seungmin rolling the window down again. You rolled your eyes and smiled, you figured you had time to take a quick shower and so that is what you did. Just as you were putting your pajamas on Felix called back. You flopped down on your bunk and answered his Facetime call.

“Hi pretty.” He smiled at you, then his expression changed, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE COMING TO KOREA?”

You furrowed your brows, “I didn’t think it was relevant.” You laughed, he just kept looking at you, “Felix what?” You were still laughing.

“I LIVE IN SEOUL.”

YOU STOPPED LAUGHING, your jaw almost became unhinged by how quickly it dropped. You felt like Kai from earlier.

“What.”

You two stared blankly at each other until it broke, and you guys were cackling again, “genuinely you’re lying to me.” You wiped the tears from your laughing fit away.

“I will show you my ID.” Felix said and started fishing in his bag.

“NO, IT’S FINE I BELIEVE YOU.”

He stopped then went back to the FaceTime, “would you be comfortable getting brunch with me tomorrow morning? It is totally okay if you aren’t I don’t want to like pressure you.”

Honestly, if you were crazy, you would say yes.

“Yeah, I’d love to. Kai and Lea probably have like family only plans after we get groceries anyways.” You smiled at him, he beamed back and started talking meeting spots. You two settled on this café near the Han River. He said that he would pull you aside and whisper a code word to you??? Which was kind of odd, but you didn’t question it.

Of course, he made the code word Pizza Parlor. He was so dumb sometimes it made you smile. By the time Kai and Lea got home you and Felix had said your goodbyes.

Kai ended up bringing you home a small pastry and a fruit bowl for dinner. It was really tasty and a nice way to end the night.

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Taglist: @bloofairyfox @yellowroses-world @g4m3girl @forevrglow @nepytune @rensimps @curly-fr13s

Taglist is always open :) if I ever accidentally leave out a tag please just remind me. I have horrible goldfish memory.

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Author's note: Hi guys, sorry for not posting in a bit, I have somewhat hit a block because I have to decide on where I want it to go or how to close up. Today I feel a lot better! I might post some more art today I am not sure. I also have an idea for a Hyunjin story and for various mini series like Falling in Love with Him. Which I will try to finish up in the next couple days! So it'll be a fun little bow to tie on that. If I decide to go through with my Hyunjin story it will most likely be a complete different vibe from this one which is a lil... scary, but again with writing comes experimenting and that was really what this whole Pizza Parlor fic was at first. Was to test myself if I can actually finish a project like this. Which, by the looks of it, I am going to succeed at it, not to jinx myself lol

So I have 2/3 projects coming up which I am excited about it. One of them being a horror ish type of story. I say ish bc I dont need all my demons being written on Tumblr LOL

Anyways! I hope everyone is having a good day <3 I wanted to post this now so Aly can read it when she can!

Have a great day everyone! .5 will be posted soon when I finish 9.5 <3

#lee felix x reader #stray kids #straykids #kpop #skz #skzxreader #straykids x reader #stray kids x reader #lee felix #lee felix x female reader #hueningkai #txt post #txt taehyun #beomgyu #soobin #yeonjun #kpop imagines

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fizzyxcustard · 1 year

Text

Covert Eyes (19)

Masterlist of fan fiction

Fandom: Spooks

Pairings: Lucas North x OC (Amy Holland)

Warnings: Stalking behaviour, anxiety, language, sexual references, angst, smut, heartbreak, gunshot wounds and recovery.

Summary: Lucas takes notice of a young woman, Amy, but his obsession and want to get to know her begin to spiral out of control. Amy knows that her recovery won’t be quick, and she now has another decision to face.

Official soundtrack list: here

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in.

This chapter hits on a little bit of a nerve and I kinda went into a lot of depth about Amy's past relationship which was always written to reflect a bad relationship I had. So, with that, a lot of me comes out in this chapter, which I apologise for.

Lucas and Amy both snuggled into bed together that Christmas Eve morning. Lucas was scheduled to work from Christmas Day afternoon, and then Amy would work on Boxing Day. Idly, the two of them began to kiss, which then turned into a round of slow love making.

By mid-afternoon, Amy was awake, and was in the kitchen, preparing a dinner for that evening while both of them were home together. Lucas was still sleeping when her phone rang.

“Hello?” she asked as she saw Ruth Evershed’s name flash on the screen.

“Hi, Amy,” Ruth replied. “I hope I didn’t disturb you. Debrief tonight at six. Just dial into Teams; Harry will be sending the invites out to everyone over email. Did you get much rest?”

“I got a few hours in. Lucas is still asleep, and I’m putting the dinner on for later. It’s the only time that both of us will be here over Christmas, so we’re having our meal tonight. How about you?”

“I can never sleep much after operations. I don’t sleep well normally, so I’ve been awake since. And then I’m back on shift tomorrow morning.”

Lucas stepped into the kitchen, yawning, and flicked on the kettle for a cup of tea. Meanwhile, Amy was finishing her call with Ruth.

“Debrief tonight at six, over Teams,” Amy explained.

“Fair enough. Cuppa?”

“Please.”

The rest of the day passed with no incident. Amy dished up their dinner at seven, once the debrief had finished.

“Is it okay?” she asked, watching Lucas for a few seconds as he chewed on a roast potato.

“It’s lovely.”

“This is my first Christmas dinner away from the family,” Amy explained. “Last year I went back to Coventry over Christmas. This is the first Christmas I’ve spent here, and it feels a little bit weird. But in a good way. Every year I spent Christmas with Mum and Dad.”

Lucas reached across and took Amy’s hand in his. “This is the first Christmas that I haven’t been alone in about ten years.” He looked at Amy, seeing her eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Don’t you dare apologise,” Amy demanded. “If I’d have known then I’d have made everything more special.”

“Everything about this year has been special. Every day since February the twentieth has been special.”

Amy giggled to herself and then looked back towards Lucas. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her. He’d remembered the one important date, the day that had been the start of it all: their first kiss. Amy thought back to that evening, when they had finally been able to spend time together. None of the times apart in between mattered; when Lucas had distanced himself after their first few times of intimacy, worried that he would never be able to fully commit to her. Then when Sarah had approached Amy, trying her best to blow apart the relationship. The only thing that mattered was the start of it all. And now.

***

Early morning on New Year’s Eve and Lucas drove himself and Amy up to Coventry. The two of them had a week off; seven whole days to enjoy each other’s company. At around nine, Lucas pulled into a motorway service station for a quick break, and brought himself and Amy a large coffee each.

As the two of them walked hand in hand back to the car, Amy spoke. “I want to tell Mom and Dad what I do for a living. I hate the thought of lying to them. I know we’re not meant to tell people, but protocol says immediate family can be told.”

“Aim, it’s your choice. I can’t tell you what to do.”

“And I won’t tell them about you. I suppose I could just tell them I saw the advert and applied. It’s not that insane to believe, is it? I don’t want to draw you in if it’s something you’re not comfortable with.”

Lucas sighed. “It’s not that I’m uncomfortable, Aim. I really like your parents, and they’re good people. I think I worry they might accidentally say something to someone else. It’s easily done; you start talking and before you know it you’ve dropped something out that should be kept quiet.”

They both approached the car and stood either side of it, hovering by the doors. “I won’t say anything then,” Amy said, looking away. “They both still think I’m at the JobCentre, and you’re with the police, so I’ll just keep that story going.”

The rest of the drive was quiet, Lucas noticed. Every now and again, his steel blue gaze drifted over towards Amy. But whenever he looked at her, she was staring blankly out of the window. “Aim, talk to me,” he began. “You’ve been quiet ever since the service station. Don’t be upset with me about what I said. I don’t think you always see the risks with doing what we do.”

“I do see the risks, Lucas. Very much so.” Amy’s voice was sharp. “Please don’t talk down to me.”

“I’m not talking down to you. I’m trying to remind you…”

“You’re trying to remind me of how stupid I am…”

“No!” Lucas snapped. “That’s not what I’m trying to remind you of. For fuck sake. Whenever have I ever treated you like you’re stupid or implied that you are?”

Amy blushed, feeling her eyes sting with tears and focused on the passing hedgerows. The blur of green hues calmed her, bringing her back to some kind of grounding. “Just forget I said what I did.”

Lucas looked over at her sadly and reached for her hand which was on her thigh. “You think so little of yourself sometimes, and of me.”

Amy could feel his fingers tighten around her hand, and it made a swirl of emotion flood to her chest.

***

For the first time in quite a few years, Amy had someone to kiss at midnight. She stood on the back door of her parents’ house, her arm loose around Lucas’ waist, joined by the rest of the family. Fireworks burst open in the night sky, illuminating the black backdrop with a whole rainbow of colours. Amy kissed Lucas, quietly wishing him a happy new year, and then watched him smile at her.

Sharon Holland, Amy’s mother, couldn’t help but watch her youngest daughter. The love radiated between Amy and Lucas, and she smiled. Finally her daughter was happy and in the arms of a man who was openly ready to show his love. Sharon couldn’t remember any time that Adam had ever held Amy so tight and looked into her eyes with such adoration.

Leah and Ruth, Amy’s sisters, sat a few feet away on the garden patio table, drinking glasses of wine, while their partners jostled playfully for position of head firework lighter. Amy’s nephew, Thomas, was busy playing with his new handheld video game, not paying much attention to the fireworks.

By just after one in the morning, Ruth and Leah had left. Lucas and Richard, Amy’s father, were having a drink in the living room, while Amy sat alone with Sharon. By now and Amy had changed into her pyjamas and slippers and was stood in the kitchen, pouring two mugs of tea.

“I want to talk to you about something, Mum,” Amy announced, carrying two mugs of tea to the table. “I just can’t keep secrets from you, no matter how hard I try. Lucas didn’t want me to say anything, and it’s for a good reason.”

“Oh,” Sharon said simply.

Amy noticed her mother’s eyebrows furrow. “Please don’t think bad of Lucas. You’ll see why it’s awkward. I may as well just say it: I work for MI-5.”

Sharon couldn’t help but smile.

“You think I’m joking?”

“No, I just…I couldn’t imagine you doing that, but at the same time, it’s such a good fit for you. And, I’m guessing Lucas does, too?”

Amy glanced at the doorway and then back toward her mother. “He didn’t want me to say anything. We’re not really meant to, but it was through him that I got the job. They recruited me. Remember when I got shot?”

“Um, as if I could forget?” Sharon scoffed.

“The shooter was connected to a case.” Amy glanced at the floor, knowing that her last sentence was a lie. Sarah was more than connected to MI-5 cases; she was Lucas’ ex and a CIA agent. If Amy told her mother of the true identity of the shooter, how would that impact her view of Lucas? Amy would never want any kind of division between her fiancée and her family. She wanted everything to be perfect, unblemished, untainted.

“Please be careful,” Sharon said. She looked at Amy, her dark eyes full of concern and love. “We could have lost you back in August, love. And now you’re doing this?”

“It’s an analyst role. I don’t go out on surveillance. That’s what Lucas does. But please don’t tell him I’ve told you. We’re told not to tell people because we can be compromised, and we can put our loved ones in danger. But I couldn’t lie to you. You’re the last person in the world I’d ever lie to.”

“Don’t you think Lucas deserves that privilege, too?”

Amy lay in bed, the clock showing that it was three in the morning. Lucas was asleep next to her, on his side, facing away. In the dark and she could just make out the dark lines of the tattoos on his back. Dum Spiro Spero. The Latin words were at the very top of his back, at the base of his neck. Amy remembered asking him what it meant. While I live, I hope.

Amy slid out of bed and wondered downstairs, heading into the kitchen for another cup of tea. She was wide awake now, her mind ablaze with memories of her former life, the life before Lucas and MI-5. Her dark times. When Lucas had been in prison and had those words, Dum Spiro Spero, etched into his skin, that was his darkest time. But he had still lived in hope. He had still hoped that he would one day live days of love, laughter and peace. And so had Amy. No one had ever seen the pain during all those years she spent in a loveless relationship, yearning for someone to truly love her. Lucas had endured physical torture, while she had endured emotional torture. She had been denied not only love, but time and effort. Adam walked the walk, but had never talked the talk. Only one person had ever seen it. Sharon. The person who knew Amy better than anyone and she had seen the distance in her daughter’s relationship. She had seen the times they would be out as a couple, and walk separately, not hand in hand. The times she had spoken to Amy, hearing the crack in her voice, when it was announced that Adam would not be joining them for a gathering. Or if he did join for a gathering, he was more interested in everyone else’s company, but Amy’s. Then tonight, as everyone gathered in the garden to watch the fireworks, Lucas held Amy close to him. Lucas wasn’t ashamed to be seen holding Amy; he wanted to be close to her every second of the day.

Would Amy ever truly believe that Lucas loved her? She tried to. She knew she adored him, but to think that he might feel the same was alien to her. The mental memories of Adam were becoming warped by time, but the emotional memories were still vivid.

Amy took her cup of tea back up to her old bedroom, which was now the guest room. As she entered, she could hear Lucas mumbling. She placed the mug down on the bedside table and slipped back under the duvet, shifting over to Lucas, where she lay behind him. “It’s okay,” she whispered. Her arm draped over him and she clung to him, resting her chin on his shoulder, where she kissed his bare skin.

Lucas moaned again and began to jolt.

“Shhh,” Amy cooed. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.”

Lucas began to jolt more, his body growing rigid and then small movements bursting every few seconds.

Amy gently pulled him over on to his back, but as she did so, he began to call out.

“Lucas?” she said, shaking his shoulder. “Wake up, sweets. It’s okay.”

Lucas’ eyes shot open and he looked at Amy, startled. But as recognition poured into his gaze, his body grew limp and he smiled. “Aim, I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I haven’t woke anyone up, have I?”

“It doesn’t matter if you did. Are you alright?”

Lucas didn’t answer but shifted over and kissed Amy. The kiss grew deeper and Amy fell down into the mattress, her back flat. Lucas rose over her and then allowed the kiss to become slow, only a series of pecks. He rested his head on her shoulder. “Why do you insist on putting up with me?”

“I could very well ask you the same question,” Amy giggled.

“I don’t put up with you. I’m privileged and blessed to wake up next to you every morning.”

Amy knew she couldn’t hold any secrets from Lucas. Her mother was right; Lucas deserved to always be told the truth. “I told Mum about my job.”

Amy squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the reaction.

***

Follow Forever tag list: @lathalea @linasofia @middleearthpixie @xxbyimm @asgardianhobbit98 @luna-xial @knittastically @meganlpie @eunoiaastralwings @evenstaredits @lemond57 @missihart23 @guardianofrivendell @rachel1959 @mrsdurin @quiall321 @catthefearless @glassgulls @the-fragile-heart-of-a-lady @sazzlep @aliasauthor @solairewisteria @littlebird-99 @heilith @absentmindeduniverse @albionscastle @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms @court-jobi @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @bookworm-with-coffee

#Lucas North #Spooks #MI-5 #Richard Armitage #Lucas North x OC #Fanfiction #Lucas North Fanfiction #Spooks Fanfiction

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snowdice · 1 year

Text

Big Bang Editing Story [Day 120]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story years ago, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag ‘proofread stories.’ I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53

I have a list of tasks I need to finish, but some of them might take a while. So, expect there to be long breaks between sections.

Chapter 54 (Patton)

“I still can’t believe he’s allowing this,” King Thomas said from next to Patton. The two of them were standing at the edge of the arena outside the horse stable, watching from a safe distance.

“If he hadn’t tried to bite me earlier, I’d think he was a different horse,” Patton agreed.

“He doesn’t even let Logan ride him,” the king said. “At least not ride him and give him directions.”

Patton was very aware of that. Logan did on occasion choose to get up onto Mr. Apples’ saddle. However, Mr. Apples was always the once who got to decide where they went after that. Logan had no say.

With that in mind, Patton, Logan, and every stable hand who’d heard about the prospective riding lessons had tried to convince Virgil to learn to ride on a different horse. Virgil was just as stubborn as Mr. Apples however and had insisted. Logan, being the only one who could be around Mr. Apples without risking being kicked, had become his de facto tutor.

Not even Logan could have expected that within a week, Virgil would be able to control Mr. Apples. Though perhaps ‘control’ was the wrong word. Nothing could control Mr. Apples, but for some reason, Mr. Apples seemed willing to do as Virgil asked.

Even right now Mr. Apples was trotting around the training arena like he was a well-trained trick horse warming up with his rider.

“Logan told him we could go on an actual ride today if the lesson went well,” Patton told the king. The lesson seemed to be just getting over because Logan said something to Virgil and Virgil started to climb off. Mr. Apples was patient and still as he dismounted.

“Do you think he’d mind if I went with you?” King Thomas asked.

Patton shrugged. “Mr. Apples might.”

“Mr. Apples definitely will,” the king replied. “I’ll come anyway.”

Logan had walked over to where Patton and the king were standing while Virgil fed Mr. Apples some apple pieces as a reward.

“I hear you’re going to go riding today,” King Thomas said.

Logan nodded. “Mr. Apples seems to listen to him well enough,” he said.

“I might join you if that’s alright. Where are you kids going?” the king asked.

“I was thinking the main forest path,” Logan replied. “It’s not a particularly difficult route, but it’s also a part of the castle grounds Virgil hasn’t been able to see yet. Loraine told me it has been recently cleared after the winter.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” the king said. “Are you going now?”

“Once Patton and I saddle up our horses,” Logan said. “You can come.”

“Great,” the king said with a smile. “I’ll ask for Bella’s saddle to be brought out. I haven’t gone on a ride yet this week.”

He turned then to walk towards the stables leaving Patton and Logan alone.

“Do you think he’s been acting weird?” Logan asked, turning towards Patton.

Patton frowned. “No,” he said. “Not really.”

“I’m just wondering why he wants to go horseback riding with us.”

“He likes spending time with you?” Patton guessed.

“Yes,” Logan said, “but typically in a setting that doesn’t involve Mr. Apples.”

Well, that was fair.

“I mean, it’s not too weird,” Patton said, thinking back through the last couple of days. King Thomas had been a bit… clingy.

“He’s been hanging around a lot,” Logan said, echoing Patton’s thoughts with narrowed eyes. He glanced back at Virgil. “You don’t think Virgil let something slip, do you?”

“He didn’t say anything,” Patton said. “I think your dad would say something if Virgil let slip he was an assassin somehow.”

“Unless he let slip something that didn’t quite implicate himself but invited suspicion.”

“Your dad doesn’t seem suspicious,” Patton said. At least, Patton didn’t think he did. He hadn’t been acting mean in any way. In fact, he might have even been acting nicer.

Logan frowned. “We should keep an eye on him, especially around Virgil.”

Patton bit his lip.

“What?” Logan asked.

“Are we ever going to tell your dad about Virgil?” he asked.

Logan hesitated. “I don’t…” he trailed. “I’m not sure.”

“It just feels weird lying for so long,” Patton said. Patton didn’t lie a lot. Sure, maybe he’d pretend to not know what Mama was talking about when sweets went missing from the kitchens or he’d pretend to not know what Logan’s birthday gift was, but he’d never lied about anything serious before now.

“I know, but,” Logan glanced back at Virgil once again, “even if we did decide to tell, we’d have to convince Virgil everything would be alright beforehand. I don’t think we’re at that point yet. He was terrified of Father until a few months ago, and he’s still cautious around him sometimes.”

Logan was right, of course. Virgil was getting more and more comfortable around the king, but he figured any of the progress made would go down the drain as soon as they brought up telling King Thomas about where exactly Virgil had come from. Patton didn’t know if Virgil would ever be comfortable enough.

“We should go get our own horses,” Logan suggested, and Patton nodded.

Patton and Logan’s horses had already been saddled by the stable hands in anticipation of their ride and it didn’t take long for the king to saddle his own horse, Bella.

The forest path at this time of year was very pretty, Patton thought. The tree branches now had small green leaves on them after having been barren for the entire winter and flowers were starting to grow. In a few weeks’ time it would be even prettier, but it would also be harder for the groundskeeper to maintain as well as it was right now.

Virgil really did seem less anxious around King Thomas now. The path was only wide enough for two horses to go at once, and he didn’t seem to mind that he and the king ended up next to each other while Patton and Logan lagged behind. In fact, he and the king seemed to be having a nice conversation about the local wildlife.

However, if Patton looked close enough, he did sort of see what Logan meant. Virgil may not be anxious talking to the king now, but the king himself seemed just a little bit nervous at least at the beginning of the ride.

He seemed to relax a bit as they rode (even laughing when Mr. Apples tried to bite him when he got too close).

Logan had been teaching Virgil the basics about things like animals, but there was still a pretty big gap in his education when it came to anything that wasn’t about training to fight and kill. King Thomas seemed more than willing to answer any of his questions when it came to the animals and plants around them even if they were sometimes a bit silly.

He’d seen a bird that looked like a dove. (It may have even been a dove, but Patton hadn’t seen it.) This had been a source of endless confusion for him.

“But shouldn’t it live in the dovecote?” Virgil asked.

“Not all birds live in a dovecote,” the king explained again.

“But it’s a dove,” Virgil said with a frown.

“Not all doves live in a dovecote,” the king replied.

“But it’s a dovecote,” Virgil argued. “It’s for the doves.”

“Yes, but there are also wild doves,” the king said.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Virgil replied.

“What about it doesn’t make sense?” the king asked with a laugh in his tone.

“Doves go in the dovecote,” Virgil said.

Patton was starting to have trouble following this argument.

“Dovecotes are made for doves,” the king said, “but not all doves go in dovecotes.”

“Why?”

This seemed to stump the king momentarily, but he still answered after thinking for a bit. “Doves existed before people got to them,” the king explained. “People caught and trained some of them, but there was no way to catch all of them. So, some stayed in the wild and continued with their lives like they had been before humans. Plus, sometimes domesticated doves fly off and never come back. Sometimes they might die, but other times they may have just gotten lost and had to build a new life somewhere far away. Or maybe they even decided that being a trained dove working for humans wasn’t for them, so they decided to go off on their own.”

“You let them do that?” Virgil asked.

“We can’t really stop them in the end,” the king said. “People can try, but it never ends up working as long as they can fly.”

Virgil thought about this. “I still don’t understand,” he said, “but okay.”

“We should take you to the cliffs,” the king suggested.

“What are the cliffs?”

“The castle grounds were built for defense,” King Thomas explained. “The edge of the grounds to the North is a large river and overlooking it is a huge cliff. It’s a good place for picnics and for birdwatching. It’s a bit of a trip, but now would be a good time of year to go.”

He glanced over his shoulder back at Logan and Patton. “What do you boys think about going to the cliffs sometime? Maybe in about a week?”

Logan squinted at his father suspiciously. It wasn’t so much the fact that the king was asking them to go to the cliffs. They did that every so often. However, this time, it only supported Logan’s claims that the king was hanging out with them a lot recently.

“Sure,” Logan said, after a moment.

“Sounds fun!” Patton said cheerily right after, trying to cover for the lack of enthusiasm in Logan’s voice with his own. Judging by King Thomas’s expression and Logan’s tight-lipped scowl, he may have overcompensated.

“Great,” the king said. “I’ll” make sure to make arrangements when we get back to the castle.”

Chapter 55 (Logan)

Virgil was beginning to be able to read some of the common instructions in magic books, but Logan still made sure to read out the instructions to him at least twice before setting him loose. He’d started to jot down notes to himself about things, though these notes were not words, but various symbols that only made sense to the boy himself.

Logan had asked about their meaning at one point and received an answer that, while earnest, was unintelligible. The symbols were mostly just pictures of things to represent certain steps in spell casting, but they were filtered through Virgil’s rudimentary penmanship and often bizarre perception of the world.

Though, despite the fact that Logan could not often decipher his chicken scratch, it did seem to help him produce impressively quality charms even as Logan began to introduce more complicated processes to make them. He was a very good student even if he didn’t have the best foundation for learning.

“I add lavender for the next step, right?” Virgil asked, his finger on a word in Logan’s magic book.

“That is correct,” Logan confirmed.

Virgil looked back at the book and mouthed the word ‘lavender’ to himself before turning back to his potion. He grabbed a few sprigs of lavender and threw them into the cauldron.

The liquid popped and bubbled violently, but Virgil didn’t flinch as he once would have, prepared for it now.

After the lavender, Logan knew that it would have to simmer for 5 minutes. Virgil looked down at the boiling liquid, contemplating it for a long moment.

“Can I soak a knife in it?” he asked.

“What?” Logan asked.

“Can I soak a knife in the potion once it’s done?”

“In that potion?” Logan clarified. “In the emergency hand warmer potion?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I think a hot knife would be useful,” Virgil said.

“For what?”

Virgil shrugged. “Cooking food on the road,” he said, “burning wood, stabbing someone and immediately cauterizing the wound.”

“That is… not a standard use for this potion,” Logan said.

Virgil titled his head at him. “Would it work though?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Logan contemplated. “Perhaps. The potion can cause burns if one uses too much of it or if it is used without an appropriate layer between it and the skin. If one were to pick a knife with enough surface area and let it soak long enough, it could in theory get hot enough to do as desired. Hmm…” he thought about it. “There would perhaps be the problem of the potion not sticking to the knife very long as it is intended to soak into fabric. However, cardamom could solve that issue as long as it doesn’t interact with any other ingredients. Let me see that spell.”

Virgil stepped out of his way so he could study the page. “Yes,” Logan said after scanning through all of the ingredients. “I think coriander would work for something like that. Let me go find some.”

He turned to walk towards where he kept his supplies of potion ingredients. Virgil followed on his heals.

“Can we use a serrated knife?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea, Virgil,” Logan said, nodding as he searched through the cupboard that should hold the coriander. “The knife being serrated would help keep the potion stuck to the blade after many uses and would increase the surface area.”

“That was certainly my intentions,” Virgil said smoothly. There was something odd about the tone that had Logan turning to him and blinking at him. Virgil just smiled at him innocently and Logan turned back to the cabinet finally locating the coriander.

“So how are we going to use that?” Virgil asked.

“We’ll put it in right before the last step and let it sit for about 3 minutes,” Logan said. “If it doesn’t quite work, we may need to make another batch. There are options other than coriander, but that’s the first idea that comes to mind and it a lot simpler if it works.”

He continued to speak of the many other options they could try as they returned to the caldron as well as how they could test the hot knife. It was already about time for the next step and Virgil did it without interrupting Logan’s rant.

Virgil listened to his suggestions with interest all while still making sure the potion he was making was progressing well.

Logan did eventually take over to finish the potion with the revised steps he’d come up with and they ended up with a potion that looked perfect except it was a few shades darker than the one they’d originally been planning to make.

“Well, it looks good,” Logan declared. “We will need to acquire a knife to test its effectiveness, however.”

“There are a few good ones in the kitchen,” Virgil pointed out. “I especially like the one 10 inch one with the black and white handle.”

“You have been eyeing up the kitchen knives?” Logan asked.

Virgil rolled his eyes as though that was not a perfectly reasonable question to ask him. “We should steal that one,” Virgil said.

“Do you think we’ll be able to sneak past Ms. Heart to steal a knife from her kitchen?” Logan asked.

“We can’t,” Virgil said.

Logan almost didn’t believe him… and then he remembered the water pouch incident. “It’s the dinner rush,” Logan said. “We should probably wait for a bit.”

Virgil was shaking his head. “The dinner rush is the best time,” he said. “Everyone will be distracted, and all of the knives will be out and in prime stealing position.”

“And if Patton’s mother catches us messing around in her kitchen during her busiest time of day, she will have Father ground us for a week.”

“Then we just won’t get caught,” Virgil said.

“I’m not sure if it’s that simple,” Logan said with a frown.

“You can stay here if you want,” Virgil offered. “I’ll just go by myself.”

“No, I’ll come too,” Logan relented, though he did still have some reservations about the idea.

He let Virgil lead him towards the main dining hall. By now, Virgil knew the kitchens and dining hall very well.

“Stay here,” he said. They were in a hallway a few feet down from the staff entrance to the kitchen. “I’m going to do some reconnaissance.”

“What type of reconnaissance?” Logan asked, but Virgil had already disappeared before his very eyes. With a blink, Logan looked up and saw a dark figure disappear onto a balcony overhead.

Well, Logan really had no choice but to wait there for him. It wasn’t like he could follow him. He could hear the clatter of silverware on plates from the dining hall down the corridor as he impatiently waited. It only took Virgil a bit over five minutes to return. He dropped suddenly from above and landed in front of Logan in a crouch.

“Well?” Logan asked, letting a bit of irritation into his tone so Virgil knew he was displeased. Virgil did not seem to care.

“Got it,” Virgil said with a wide grin, brandishing a large kitchen knife.

Logan flinched back at the unexpected sight of a weapon.

“You said you were doing reconnaissance!” he sputtered. “Not…” he trailed off remembering that while they weren’t in eyesight of anyone right now, they could be in earshot of someone. He lowered his tone, “stealing the knife already.”

“I was doing reconnaissance,” Virgil said with a shrug, “and then I used the information gathered by that reconnaissance to steal a knife.”

Logan narrowed his eyes at him.

Virgil just smiled. “You would have gotten in my way.”

“I would not have,” Logan insisted.

“How many times has Patton’s mom caught you stealing food from the kitchens in the past?” he asked.

Logan pursed his lips. “That is Patton’s doing,” he said.

“Sure,” Virgil said with an eyeroll. “I’ll have you prove it some other day, but for now,” he twirled the knife around in a way that made Logan cringe even though he did seem to have an expert handle over it. “We have a knife.”

“Right,” Logan agreed with a nod. “We should continue the experiment.”

Virgil stored the knife away… somewhere on his person, and they snuck back to Logan’s rooms.

When Virgil handed over the knife, Logan did have to admit it was a perfect specimen for their project: long and saw-like with a heatproof handle.

Logan carefully set it in a shallow dish and proceeded to pour the potion they’d made onto it. They let it sit for a little under half an hour before carefully pulling it out of the concoction with tongs and letting it airdry. Meanwhile, Virgil suggested they set up a testing area with various old sheets and clothing. They’d even found and decorated an armor stand with an old suit that Logan particularly disliked.

“Well,” Logan said once he’d tapped the handle and had not gotten burned by the potion. “I think we can test it now.” For safety, he made Virgil put on thick heatproof gloves before handing him the knife.

“So how do I make it work?” Virgil asked.

“The original potion works through light friction,” Logan said.

“So just start stabbing things?”

Logan went to respond, but before he could, Virgil had already twisted around and sliced through one of the sheets hanging in Logan’s potion room. There was a sizzling noise as the knife cut through the sheet like it was tissue paper leaving two aflame halves flapping about.

Logan leapt forward to tear the pieces of sheet down and the two of them stomped on the flames to put out the fire.

“It’s perfect,” Virgil said with a grin once the charred remains of the sheet were extinguished.

“It does seem to work as intended,” Logan agreed.

“Let’s do it again,” Virgil said.

“Er, well, perhaps we shouldn’t…,” Logan started, but Virgil had already set his eyes on the armor stand they’d set up. That suddenly seemed like not such a good idea to Logan.

He stabbed the armor stand viciously. It went up in flames instantly. Logan’s eyes widened as the blaze only seemed to get bigger as Virgil drew back the knife.

Virgil did not seem to share Logan’s worry as he turned and stabbed another piece of hanging clothing, setting it ablaze as well.

“Virgil, no! You’re going to burn the room down!” Logan yelped.

The armor stand at that very moment decided to fall to the ground. They had, perhaps, not set the testing area up as well as they should have because it fell directly onto one of Logan’s rugs and set that on fire as well.

“Oops,” Virgil said, eyes wide.

Above the sound of crackling fire, Logan heard a tapping on the door between his bedroom and work room. It opened slightly after a moment and Logan’s father’s voice called out as he was sticking his head into the room, “Um, what do you mean Virgil… is burning the room down!”

The moment Logan’s father fully processed the presence of the flames, he was bursting into the room. He at least remembered that there was a fire extinguishing powder stocked in Logan’s work room even though that fact had slipped Logan’s mind in the chaos. (Perhaps Logan should have thought to set it out when they were testing a fire knife, but Logan would just add that to his growing list of regrets.)

The king managed to put all of the fires out within 30 seconds of poking his head through the door, but the fire left in his eyes when he turned to them afterwards was perhaps more dangerous.

Virgil slowly hid the knife behind his back. It was probably a bit late for that.

“What were the two of you doing in here?” the king asked.

“Nothing,” Logan said. Virgil shot him a look that told Logan what the boy thought about his lying abilities.

Logan’s father put his hands on his hips. “‘Nothing’ set the rug on fire?”

“We may have been doing a small experiment,” Logan said.

“What experiment?” the king asked.

“…I don’t wish to say.”

“Logan.”

“Virgil wanted a fire knife.”

“A what?”

Virgil frowned over at Logan. “Your resistance to interrogation techniques is deplorable.”

Father turned to look at Virgil and obviously spotted the fact that Virgil was holding something behind his back.

“Give it here,” Father said, though his tone was a bit gentler with Virgil than it had been with Logan.

Virgil debated it for a moment, but then offered over the knife with a pout on his face. Father gingerly took it and the fire-resistant gloves from him. “Where did the two of you even get this knife?”

“You can’t tell her,” Logan said.

“You stole a knife from the kitchens?!” the king asked.

“We borrowed it,” Logan said.

“Can it be used for cooking anymore?”

“…Well.”

“In the intended manner.”

“No.”

“Then you stole it.”

Logan just frowned and looked away.

“I’m going to go put this in a secure location,” Father said, grimacing at the fire knife in his hands. “No more experiments for you two for a month. I’ll sic Patton on you.”

With that, he picked up what was left of the fire extinguishing powder (just in case) and turned to exit the room.

“Well,” Logan said once he was gone. “That was irresponsible.”

“I could steal it back from him.”

“N-no don’t do that.”

“I definitely could though,” Virgil said.

“I did not hear you say that,” Logan said, putting his hands over his ears. “I am not responsible for any more of your actions in this matter. I am going to the library.”

He walked out of the room then and Virgil followed him to the upstairs library. He said nothing more about the fire knife, but Logan would be a fool to suppose he forgot about it.

Chapter 56 (Thomas)

“Good day for a picnic,” Helen commented as she handed over the basket Thomas had requested from her a few days before. He was taking Logan, Patton, and Virgil to the cliffs today and it was perfect weather for it. Spring was truly here, which meant that those of Thomas’s duties that had laid dormant over the harsh winter were about to start up again.

The world had been on pause for a bit considering no armies or agents from any kingdom could get through the snow the last few months, but the concerns of last fall were showing their heads once again.

Thomas had just gotten word a day ago that the queen of Lamir had routed out a second assassin hiding in her ranks over the winter. The assassin had been sent shortly after it was made clear that the queen wouldn’t bow down after the assassination of her mother. Luckily, the assassin sent for Queen Cecil had not managed to complete her mission during the winter months.

While there had been no similar attempt on Prijaznia soil, Thomas couldn’t help but feel it was only a matter of time now that the snow had melted. They were already working on increasing security in the coming weeks and, though it was doubtful an assassin had managed to hide in the castle all winter without revealing themselves, they’d be closely scrutinizing all of the newer staff members.

It would be a stressful time in the coming months, which is why, despite everything Thomas needed to do, he was still going to take his son and his son’s friends on a picnic today. Logan had already started taking on royal duties as of late, but he still hadn’t taken them all on quite yet. Considering this was last summer before Logan was of age, they should at least try to take advantage of it where they could. Patton was a year younger, but the sentiment held for him as well.

Then there was Virgil. Despite their best efforts, they still didn’t know enough about Virgil, but Thomas was fairly sure he’d never had a summer to enjoy until now.

“Thanks for prepping lunch for us,” Thomas said to Helen with a smile.

“No problem,” she said waving them off. “I put in some of Virgil’s favorites.”

“Great,” Thomas said. “Do you know where the kids are?”

“Patton said they were going to go pet the cats, so I’d guess they’re in the gardens.”

Thomas thanked her again and told her to have a good day before exiting the kitchen. There was a nearby door that led straight towards the part of the gardens Patton and Logan had always favored. He figured they’d either still be around there or they would have wandered towards the stables by now knowing that they’d be taking horses to the cliffs.

So, he decided to simply walk the normal path from the door to the stable, hoping to find them.

His prediction ended up being hilariously correct. They were indeed on the path Thomas had chosen. It was clear they (or at least Logan) were attempting to make it to the stable. However, as was typical, a portion of the party had been waylaid by whimsy.

Logan was standing further down the path, arms crossed and frowning as he watched his friends. Patton and Virgil were surrounded by cats. Patton was sitting down, holding two of them in his lap and watching Virgil’s legs being swarmed by the rest of them, maybe two dozen in total.

Virgil looked confused, but not unhappy about the presence of so many cats. He was leaning down to try to pet them all.

Logan met Thomas’s eyes as he approached and waved a frustrated hand at the two of them. Logan couldn’t help but smile.

“Virgil fed one of them,” Logan complained as though he wanted Thomas to somehow go into the past and prevent this crime.

Patton and Virgil looked over at Thomas, noticing him when Logan addressed him.

“You’re going to make Princess Marisol jealous,” Thomas said. Logan frowned at Thomas as he used the ‘Princess’ label for the cat.

“Princess Marisol decided not to come,” Virgil said with a shrug. He continued to pet one of the cats.

“She’s probably sleeping on my pillow,” Logan said, sounding grumpy.

Thomas just chuckled. Princess Marisol was technically Logan’s cat, at least that’s what the kids said, and she did spend much of her time in the royal rooms. However, she was very clearly actually Virgil’s cat. Virgil just spent a lot of time in the royal wing as well.

In fact, Thomas still didn’t know where Virgil was supposed to be sleeping. He and Mr. Deknis had actually tried to tail him a couple of times, but he always ended up sleeping in Logan’s room those nights.

Knowing Virgil, he might just sleep in the walls. Though that still did not answer the question of where his parents or guardians were. They still had not figured it out. Thomas would assume he was an orphan who’d snuck onto castle grounds for safety, but Virgil had told Mr. Deknis during their first meeting that he was supposed to be in the castle, and it had not been a lie.

Then again, it had slowly become apparent that Virgil was good at dodging the multrum’s powers. It was starting to seem more likely that he’d somehow inserted a second meaning into his answer to Mr. Deknis that night than he somehow had some ghost guardian no one was able to locate working in the castle.

“She deserves the pillow more than you,” Virgil said, bringing Thomas’s thoughts back to the situation at hand. The look of audacity on Logan’s face made Thomas chuckle.

Thomas cut in before it could become a fight. “I could get Princess Marisol a pillow, so she doesn’t sleep on yours. Or we can get you a new pillow if you’d prefer, Logan.”

“It’s not about the pillow for her,” Logan argued. “It’s about her inflated sense of superiority.”

“She deserves it,” Virgil declared. Thomas could tell he was just trying to rile Logan up, and Thomas was sure Logan knew it too, but still his son reacted exactly in the way Virgil wanted him to.

“You have enabled and encouraged this behavior from the start!” Logan seethed.

“She’s a Princess.”

“She is not a princess!”

Patton shook his head while squeezing the cats in his arms, completely used to this behavior at this point. He ran a chin idly over one of the cat’s heads while watching the argument.

“We’re never going to make it to the picnic at this rate,” Thomas said to him, “and after your mother made all of this wonderful food.”

“You’re the dad,” Patton said. “Make them stop.”

And, of course, Patton did just mean that he was Logan’s dad with that statement. However, when he glanced back up at the silly argument still going on between his son and the cat covered boy on the ground, it did almost look like a fight between siblings.

Especially with the dark hair and stubborn but mischievous look in Virgil’s eyes, Thomas could almost imagine the boy being his own child.

He shook away the thoughts and glanced at the picnic basket in his hand.

“We do have a lot of food in this basket,” Thomas said, pitching his voice up so that Logan (and more importantly) Virgil would hear them clearly.

Virgil immediately turned to look at him, abandoning all interest in antagonizing Logan to look at the basket curiously.

Thomas was never sure if he should be amused or worried about how food motivated Virgil often was.

“What’s in the basket?” Virgil asked.

“I’m not sure,” Thomas said. “Patton’s mom made it. We’ll just have to see once we get to the picnic area.”

Virgil nodded in understanding and began to gently scoot all of the cats out of his lap. Logan rolled his eyes, but didn’t seem inclined to continue the argument he’d been dragged into. Virgil and Patton got to their feet and they continued on their way towards the stables.

The horses Thomas had requested be prepared for their trip were already in saddles, though the stable hand who had been handling Mr. Apples seemed a bit dirtier and more exhausted than the rest.

The stable hand seemed as happy to hand Mr. Apples over to Virgil as Virgil was to have Mr. Apples handed over to him. Thomas received Bella with a smile and Logan and Patton got their own horses as well.

The Cliffs were about half an hour's ride from the main castle. There was a mostly well-maintained path to it, though it was easy to get lost if one didn’t know the way. Mr. Apples knew the way perhaps better than Thomas himself and seemed annoyed by the fact that Thomas was trying to lead the way.

Virgil and Thomas ended up side-by-side whenever the path allowed it to placate him.

He still marveled at how willing Mr. Apples was to let Virgil ride him, especially when he tossed his head in Thomas’s direction, a horse’s equivalent of giving Thomas a stink-eye.

“Are you excited for the picnic?” Thomas asked the boy beside him.

Virgil glanced over at him and nodded.

“I am too,” Thomas said. “It’s always beautiful this time of year. I’m glad I could find the time to take you all there this year.”

“Are you very busy?” Virgil asked curiously.

“I am king,” Thomas reminded, “and now that the world isn’t snowed in anymore things will be busy.”

“With the war?” Virgil asked.

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Thomas paused for a few seconds. “Yes,” he confirmed. “With the war, but you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Virgil asked.

“You’re just a kid,” Thomas said.

“I’m 14,” Virgil said.

Thomas glanced at him. “Exactly,” he said, “a kid, and luckily, you’re in a place that can afford you the luxury of being one.”

“What do you mean?”

“The war has been mainly fought on Mocnejsi soil in recent years. Our boarders have held strong against invasions. Unless something goes horribly wrong suddenly, it would take a long time for the main conflict to get here. The only real threat in the castle would be assassins sent after me personally.”

“Right,” Virgil said. There was an awkward pause in conversation before he spoke again. “You’re winning the war then?” he asked.

“Something could always happen,” Thomas said, “but for the most part, yes, we have quite the advantage right now.”

“Oh,” Virgil said.

Thomas shook his head as they were coming up to a narrowing of the path. “Anyway, today is a day to not think about war. Today we’re going to have a lovely picnic and do some bird watching.”

“Right,” Virgil agreed from behind Thomas as Bella took the lead (to Mr. Apples discontent.)

When the path widened again, Thomas did his best to direct the topic to lighter subjects and soon they made it to The Cliffs.

Chapter 57 (Virgil)

Virgil had never been to a picnic. At least, that’s what Patton had informed him when Virgil had described his past experiences of eating outdoors. Logan had agreed even though he’d admitted that the definition of “picnic” was only eating a pre-packaged meal outdoors which Virgil had done plenty of times.

From what Virgil could tell, the main difference was just how much stuff one brought to a picnic.

In addition to the basket full of food (that Virgil still hadn’t gotten to look in yet), the king had brought a large soft quilt that he had Logan and Virgil spread out on the ground for them all to sit on.

Patton and Logan had also packed some things themselves to bring along. Logan had brought along a book to read, and Patton had brought along a board game (thankfully not checkers but something Virgil did not recognize). Virgil hadn’t brought anything (except for the fire knife he was definitely not supposed to have and was definitely not letting the king see) because he hadn’t known he was supposed to bring things. He wouldn’t have known what to bring anyway.

The blanket was soft and a much better alternative to sitting on the ground, especially because, while there was grass at the top of The Cliffs, there were also a good number of rocks.

The king set the picnic basket in the middle of the blanket once it was spread out and then lowered himself down to sit on one side. Patton quickly followed him, already fiddling with some of his board game pieces, though he wasn’t setting it up yet. Virgil highly doubted that Logan was going to be allowed to read his book unless Patton eventually got bored of the game.

However, they would, hopefully, be allowed to make use of the basket the king had brought along.

Virgil followed the king and Patton’s lead and got to his knees on the blanket across the picnic basket from the king. He peered at the basket curiously.

He didn’t quite know what picnic food was, but Patton had told them they’d be getting ‘picnic food’ and he was very curious about what that meant.

King Thomas smiled at him. “Let’s see what Patton’s mom packed us, huh?” He reached for the basket and flipped it open as Logan sat next to Virgil. “There is a lot more food than usual in here,” the king said, sounding amused. “Let’s see.”

He began to pull out packaged food and glanced in each package to identify it before setting it out.

“We have a few types of mini sandwiches,” he said, putting them down, “and some pasta salad.” He set down the bowl.

“We also have… er something else.” He showed it to Logan.

“They’re hot cauliflower bites,” Logan said instantly upon seeing them. Virgil perked up in excitement. That was one of his favorite foods.

“Ah,” King Thomas said, but shrugged and set it down. “We also have two desserts apparently: cookies and mini apple pies. That last one’s a bit extra for a picnic.”

“They’re very good,” Virgil said happily.

“And we also have.” King Thomas paused, looking confused. “Chicken alfredo?”

“Yes!” Virgil said.

“Why do we have chicken alfredo for a picnic?”

“It’s a Virgil picnic,” Logan groaned. “She packed us a Virgil picnic.”

“Hey, at least momma sent us something too,” Patton said.

#not writing #proofread stories

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