#now do i have a detailed 20 step plan that is very simple and easy to follow?

[theajaheira]

adulthood is such a scary concept! like from here on out i have full control of the way my life shapes out??? what?????? why?????

[ultrajaphunter]

Launched in 1923, the S-44 was one of few “old pigboats” that saw extensive service in WW2 when the US Navy was desperate for Submarines after the onset of Pearl Harbor.

Serving on such boats took extra courage! I find these boats unique in that they were not the more well-known modern Gato or Balao-class boats,

but already had 20 years of service behind them when asked again to serve their country in time of war!.

With the leaks and deficiencies in these older submarines

(e.g., limited depth, speed,

no rear tubes,

and range capability), these boats still nonetheless served with distinction in WW2. S-44 earned two battle stars and has the distinction of being the first US Submarine in WW2 to sink an enemy cruiser -

that of the IJN heavy cruiser Kako in 1942 during the Battle of Savo Island!

But she was also tragically, the only S-Class boat to be lost to enemy action when she was sunk on 7 October 1943, as a result of surface gunfire with the Japanese Destroyer Escort Ishigaki off the Kuril Islands.

She was lost with only 2 survivors out of a complement of 38 crew (Lt.Cdr. Francis Elwood Brown went down with the ship).

Given this unique history, I wanted to build this boat!

I originally wanted to build the resin 1/350 S-Class model by Blue Water Navy but,

found it is very rare (if anyone has one, I am still interested as I collect 1/350 USN WW2 submarines).

With no luck in getting the 1/350 BWN model,

I decided to scratch-build one in 1/72. Given I had more time than usual with Covid19,

I started this project only in June 2020 and expect to finish in a month or so –

a record for my scratch-built projects which can last about a year minimum.

Here are pictures of the model in-progress thus far. It is not yet finished as I STILL have to add the many rivets found on these old boats!!!

The model was based on an old vacuform kit of a generic S-Class boat by the now defunct Combat Models.

However I found the old vacuform kit),

was not accurate in shape nor detailed enough as a start.

So far, the approach was to use the Combat Models as a guide to re vacuform the hull based on new plans I bought.

Methods included thermo forming,

along with styrene,

bass wood,

metal,

photo-etch,

resin casting,

and lots of gizmology parts from the spares box!

There is no major definitive book outlining the details of these old boats!

I relied solely on two grainy photos that exist of her as she exited Philadelphia Naval Shipyard in her last refit in summer 1943.

I also used photos of her near sisters (S-42 to S-46),

to guess at the rest of the details that could not be ascertained in those two old photos...

You will note that the boat had many details that are not symmetrical and aligned such as the flood holes (remember this boat was constructed in 1920!).

This is replicated on the model on purpose based on period photos of her flood hole arrangements.

While I thought a submarine would be relatively easy to scratch build,

I take that back as she has tons of little deck details.

The conning tower alone has about 150 parts itself.

In total, there will be about 400 parts to this “simple” sub.

It is not all scratch…the deck gun is from White Ensign Models

(but with more details added),

and the AA gun is from UM.

The S-44 was the only boat to mount this massive 4”/50 deck gun,

and her near sisters had the smaller 3” guns.

The paint scheme is of utmost challenge as she was simply “all black”.

I do not know how to go about it, but will tackle it one step at a time.

Thus the model represents S-44 after her final refit in June 1943,

and in what she might have looked at the time of her loss near Japan –

an old boat with a more modern conning tower!

This model is a tribute to all the crew on that boat, and those submariners still on “eternal patrol”.

I hope to contribute it and find a home for it one day at some naval museum.

More Pics on FB - Harvey Low

[micalpixel]

May Flowers Game - July 2024 Progress Report

Another month has passed, so it's time for another update!

(Prior Updates: June, May, Initial) Oh my gosh, three months since I set out to finish a game??!! How how how howwwwwwwwww??? Where is my life going??!!!

I mean.... 😅 I'm proud of these three months. Each finished thing I've put out there was built upon all the previous ones, and has been one step closer to the final goal. Three months ago, the protagonist didn't even exist, in any form, even mentally. Now it's starting to resemble a real game. (I do want to post more screenshots in the future though! Once I get to work on graphics again. Maybe even videos?)

Games Beaten This Month

(which I've taken notes on)

Kena: Bridge of Spirits - This game just looks so amazing. There's a major focus on boss battles which I think is reminiscent of Dark Souls, which I haven't played. But I can see the appeal.

The Frog for Whom the Bell Tolls - An old Game Boy game to help get me re-acquainted with the system. It's a very lighthearted and humorous game, made by Nintendo. In fact, it was made by the game team who would later make The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening, and is where said game's Prince Richard originated from. You may also have seen the protagonist of this game in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. It is a grayscale game. But if you can look past that, it's a very fun little game, which in many ways is actually a parody of Zelda games.

OneShot - Haven't played it yet!! Haven't forgotten!! I WILL play this.

Prototype #1

Back around June 20, after doing all that games research, I put together a document called "Prototype #1." It was a wishlist of features I wanted to complete for the game. Things I KNEW it would need. Things like (but in more detail than here):

Player's abilities/main items and their effects (top priority)

Main kinds of terrain and their effects.

Various menus (including a debug menu)

Inventory system, money, game flags

Maps, moving from one screen to the other

Ability to have NPCs, dialogue boxes, and cutscene events.

That last bullet was shown off in this piece from earlier this month. The game's cutscene engine is quite powerful now:

And I'm happy to report, that all of the wishlist items for Prototype #1 were implemented as of July 20! ...except for two:

Make one simple song.

Make least 5 Sound effects, especially for text, jumping.

Music and Sound

I really wanted to finish this checklist in July. That gave me 11 days to figure out what the heck to do for music and sound. 😭 Since the game's art style is based on the Game Boy Color, I planned to use a VST plugin in FL Studio capable of mimicking its sound, for everything. And I spent 4 days learning and studying for it. But...it has limitations. Which the Game Boy itself didn't have. That didn't sit well with me. There is a Game Boy music sequencer called LSDj (Little Sound Dj). Unlike a VST plugin, it is actual Game Boy software. It runs on a Game Boy (or emulator). And...it's powerful. Very powerful. Check it out on YouTube and see what people are making with it. And it IS accurate Game Boy sound because it is ACTUALLY running on a Game Boy. Here's what a music score with 8 notes looks like in it:

So...I tried it. And...it was very easy to learn. 🥰I studied the waveforms it generated, and those from actual Game Boy games. I examined unofficial source code of several games to learn how they created music. And within 2 days, I'd managed to re-create a well known song from The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening - Mabe Village, using LSDj. I chose this song because it uses the system's two pulse sound channels. Which is about as simple as a Game Boy song can get. LSDj delivered! My ear cannot tell the difference between the original and the recreation. Here's what the original sounds like:

So...technically the Prototype 1 doc didn't say I had to make a *new* song. Just a "simple song." So, re-creating an existing one technically counts, right? Even though I cannot use it in my own game for legal reasons?😅 Well, either way, this was a very new, and successful learning experience. I feel like I've earned a check mark. So, mission complete! Oh, I also needed to make five sound effects. Messed around some more in LSDj, and done.

Other sound stuff:

I wrote a small program that can take any sound sample and convert it into a waveform that the Game Boy can play back (using its Wave audio channel).

I learned how to take a recording of myself humming, and turn it into an actual musical score that could be played with an instrument. (Fl Studio -> Edison Plugin -> Paste Audio -> Tools -> Convert to Piano Score). This will make it MUCH easier to write music than by entering each note by hand. It's not perfect, but it's pretty good.

And with that, Prototype #1 is complete! So, I think I'm going to use LSDj for 100% of the game's audio. ^^

Other Stuff This Month

The main abilities that the player will have are basically complete. They have very tight synergy. However:

Character animations will be 4-directional only, not 8-directional. The diagonal-facing animations will be removed. The reason is, for a puzzle game, it's much harder for a player to line things up if the character can face diagonally. This is why most 2D games don't have diagonal-facing characters. They look nice. But they will cause frustration for the player if they cause the player to miss their targets when aiming.

Running animations will probably be removed. I love how they turned out. But "running" doesn't add enough to justify its existence. The core gameplay just...evolved in a different direction. Running lacks synergy with the rest of the player's abilities. The world won't be so massive that fast movement will be needed.And running would require an extra button to use. The other core abilities use just two buttons. Making the player learn to use a third button that doesn't do much is poor design.

I am trying to limit the scope of this game. So many ideas. Too many. I have to draw the line somewhere or the game will never be finished. A lot of ideas have been shelved for later. So...I have spent some time considering how to use those ideas. Maybe in a sequel?

But really, what's next for August?

So far it's been:

May: Initial designs and game concept

June: Playing and researching other games

July: Finish Prototype #1

And August? Probably fleshing out the game world. In any game, the player's abilities impact EVERYTHING. The world must be designed around what the player can do. Same with all its puzzles. And its main quest, sidequests, story, etc. And also, environmental objects which have synergy with the player's abilities.

This is why the player's abilities were the top priority for Prototype #1. Now that they're finalized (hopefully), all these other elements can be worked on in earnest.

Thank you again for following my progress! See you next month!

[unknownwriting]

Summary: Some hcs with Zhongli and his lover who is also a history nerd

Character(s): Zhongli

Warnings: None :)

Notes: I either simple for a 7000 year old daddy or a 3000 year old femboy, there’s no in-between 😤

━━☆⌒*.

Little back ground

Growing up, you’ve always been obsessed with the ideas of archons and visions. You weren’t really sure why or how they caught your interest, you just know that you were fascinated by the idea. So of course, after spending your whole childhood reading about archons and visions, the first thing you did when you go older was get a vision. You weren’t sure how you would get a vision all you know is that you needed to be recognized by the an archon. Luckily, it didn’t take you long to get recognized and earn your vision. The first step for learning all about visions and archon was complete

The 2nd step was actually going to a place that had a god. Up until now you lived in Mondstadt, which was an amazing place by itself. The people were so sweet, the food was delicious, the whole place was homey. With no god, the people were able to live with freedom and no grand traditions, however it wasn’t enough to satisfy your desire to learn all about gods. With your vision out of the way the 2nd thing was to now go to a place that is still influenced by a god. And what better place than Liyue. It’s somewhat close to Mondstadt and it is still heavily influenced by Lex Rapis, even if he has passed on. 

The first thing you did in Liyue was trying and befriend at least a few people so you weren’t alone. And along the surprisingly many you ended up befriending, one seemed to stick out like a sore thumb. Zhongli, a funeral parlor attendant.

He was a weird man, good looking man but weird. He looking no older than is late 20s yet he spoke and acted with the grace of someone with many years of experience. And yet, you found it to easy to talk to him. His vast knowledge of information it just what you were looking for when you came to Liyue. Not only was he surprisingly good eye candy to enjoy but he also helped you learn things that most of Liyue historians don’t seem to know

Dating Zhongli

How the 2 of you started to date is kinda basic. You had already spent so much time with him that it hardly felt any different. But of course, Zhongli being a gentleman and all he at least wanted to make it feel official. So he booked dinner at one of Liyue famous dinner spot.

Now we all know Zhongli is very big on traditions and order (hehe lil joke there 🤧) but yeah. So don’t be surprised when Zhongli shows up in a suit and tie holding a huge bouquet of glaze lillies. Now you loved the whole set, the flowers were gorgeous and Zhongli in a suit never looked better but that doesn’t mean you don’t tease him about it. Normally when the 2 of you were together you would also tease Zhongli about being old because he knows so many things and he would just sho it away but this time he actually seemed flustered. A small blush covered his cheeks. Your we’re definitely gonna to be remembering that for years

Now that date went say planned and the 2 of you officially started dating. Although it didn’t feel like things changed much, in a good way. Zhongli was still as old and as wide as ever and you were just as passionate to learn. However, it would’ve been nice to know that Zhongli is a very passionate lover too. A modest, but passionate one. Always giving kisses on your hands, buying you little things, and just doing everyone a gentleman would do. It was kinda overwhelming at first but just like the rest of him, you came to love it.

Library dates, library dates, library dates, library dates, library dates 🥺

The 2 of you definitely end up doing nothing but hanging out at a library, drinking some tea and listening to Zhongli’s stories about the old days. It was not different from before you 2 were dating but seeing how the 2 of you were committed to the relationship now Zhongli would tell you everything in great detail.

Things you probably never even heard of her talks about. It’s not that he didn’t trust you, well yeah, he didn’t trust you at first but he had a good reasons. Coming across something like you is rare nowadays, being so passionate and honest, so he wasn’t sure what you were doing with the information until he solidified his relationship with you.

Definitely has your own theories about your older lover. Like him being a time traveler or maybe a vampire or zombie. It’s kinda childish and kinda stupid but Zhongli knows things not even the oldest in Liyue know.

Picnic dates during a bright Sunny day. Zhongli will prepare his favorite snacks and tea then bring you to another really ancient spot that seems like a stop out of fairy tale. there he’ll tell you about what’s going on at work and what’s he been up too and just random trivia about the area.

He’s very talkive when it was just to 2 of you. That’s when he’ll let it slip that he’s Rex lapis, or something that gives it away. He doesn’t even seem to notice until you practically jumped up and called him out for it.

You definitely had a heart attack when he tell you that’s he’s like 7000 years old. And now that his biggest secret is out of the way, how he knows everything makes sense.

Although it’s not like you cared, you still fell in love with him and maybe even more. I mean it’s not everyday you get the date a god. Definitely a big confidence boost knowing that you were able to win over a god’s heart.

It took you a while to learn and even realize it but Zhongli is a lot more depressed than you thought. You can’t blame him tho, he’s lived for over 7000 ish years and had to watching everything be created and destroyed. Including his contacts and relationships.

So there will be a lot of moments where the 2 of you just cuddle in silence, with you relaxing and maybe catching a few z’s while Zhongli will just simply enjoy your company.

In moments like these, he’ll always have a hand on you, whether it’s on your hand, on your thigh or playing with your hair. He feels so much comfort in holding you and feeling you.

It doesn’t take you long to figure out that Zhongli is a very passionate lover when it comes to everything. He also gives the best. Kisses, hugs, dates...even more suggestive things 😳

But it only gives you all the more reason to fall in love with him.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 3 | S.R.)

Summary: Spencer decides to return to a previous tryst. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Dom!Spencer, handcuffs, hair pulling, oral, fingering, penetrative sex, rough sex Word Count: 9k

MASTERLIST | Series Masterlist

—————————————————

It was a Saturday night and I had nothing to do. My roommate had gone home for the weekend and all my other friends were at bars. I could've joined them, but it just didn't seem worth it. The last time had been so perfect, I just couldn't imagine that anything else could compare.

I'd tried going back to the same area a few times, but I never saw him again. Then again, seeing me back there might just piss him off. Then again, that would've been okay, too. He was pretty cute when he was mad.

But I wasn't looking at a cute boy that night. No, I was just sitting in my apartment, staring at the textbook that I wasn't even interested in reading. Wishing that something could save me from the boring limbo I had found myself in.

Then, like magic, my phone stirred to life beside me.

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

I looked down at the LED, fully expecting it to just be someone tagging me in a picture of a cat. But it wasn't. The number was one I had saved in my phone, hoping that I would see it pop up again one day.

It had been almost a month. I didn't think it would ever happen. But there it was; a text message from Dr. Reid himself.

"Hey (y/n)."

When I slid the message open, I saw he was still typing.

"Long time no talk," was his second message.

That was an understatement.

"Hey yourself."

It was a cursory response. I wanted him to sweat a bit. He'd made me wait, so now he had to deal with the consequences. But then I changed my mind and immediately followed with a second text of, "Texting isn't talking you know."

"You never called. Why should I?" His response was so quick I swore he'd planned this all out in his head. He was playing me like a chess board. Bet he was good at that, too.

"It takes two to tango, Dr. Reid," I jokingly replied.

He read the message, but he didn't answer.

Getting nervous that he was losing interest, I continued typing.

"I figured you wouldn't want to see me again after I made you late. Are those marks still there?"

I smiled at the memory, because I knew he wasn't there to call me out for it. By the time he'd finally made it down to his ride, I had covered his neck in petechiae and his back was equally marked with scratches.

I'd wanted him to remember me.

It'd worked, too.

He'd been typing for a while and I was getting anxious. It had been a bold message to send, and I didn't really think it through.

Was he trying to let me down easy? No, that didn't make any sense. Who the fuck texts a one night stand at 10:30 PM on a Saturday after not speaking for a month just to end things?

He responded.

"Sadly, no. And I wouldn't be so quick to assume I don't want to see you because of that... Revenge is a powerful motivator."

That was the cheeky bastard I wanted to see. I could be cheeky, too.

"Is it?" I asked.

"Where are you tonight?"

His answers were starting to make my heart race. I had to get ready, because he was definitely about to ask me to be his booty call and I was definitely going to do it. Closing my textbook, I shot back another teasing reply.

"Not a club. I'm being a good girl tonight. All by my lonesome."

Thank god my roommate wasn't here and I had somehow been bored enough to clean today. I pulled out my make up and turned the light on my mirror on. As I started to apply it, I got a message that immediately solidified my answer to his inevitable proposition.

"Do you want to change that?"

'God, yes, I do.'

I waited another minute, wanting to be able to finish at least the bare minimum before he saw me. I knew he wasn't a superficial guy, but the last time he'd seen me I had gone full out.

"Which part?" I responded, already knowing his answer.

"Both."

So unpredictable in the most satisfying way.

I took a deep breath and a pause, tapping back a confident reply.

"Are you trying to entrap me, Agent?"

His reply was within seconds, and I was immediately reminded of how incredibly clever this man was. He knew exactly what to say to make me melt.

"Is that what you want?"

I wanted to pick up the phone, dial, and scream yes. But I didn't, opting instead for a calm and composed, "That would certainly be exciting."

My application grew significantly quicker, and I was already eyeing the special drawer I had for these exact situations. My mind was running through my collection of sheer fabrics and lace details, trying to decide what would work best.

Then he said the magic words:

"Send me your address."

Spencer was coming over, and it wasn't a dream. I was going to have that strange, brilliant, beautiful man back in my arms and I wasn't going to fuck it up. With shaking hands, I thumbed out my address with no other commentary. In a few seconds, I would know how long I had until Spencer Reid was in my apartment.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes."

Thank god. It was time enough to prepare.

—————————————————

Spencer Reid was going to be at my door at any minute, and I was suddenly terrified that he'd be disappointed. Convinced that I'd done everything wrong.

We'd had a good time before, right? I'd played over and over again in my head ever since it happened. I was reminded of the soft way he'd touched me in the morning, the childish laughs we'd shared, and the smell of his cologne on the sheets.

God, I hoped he wouldn't be disappointed.

Knock Knock Knock.

When I heard the sound, I immediately tried to fix my appearance in the mirror despite having spent the last 20 minutes doing whatever I could given the time. I had opted for one of my easier-to-remove loungewear pieces. A simple white lace negligee. He seemed like he'd like simple. The little hint of purity, however silly, would also probably appeal to him.

Slowly exhaling, I composed myself before opening the door.

"Hello, Dr. Reid."

He looked as handsome as ever, although I did have the distinct impression that it had been awhile since he had a full nights sleep. I wondered why, but decided not to dwell on it. 

"Hello yourself," he responded, his eyes ravaging my figure the very moment I stepped out from behind the door. He waited for me to take a step back and fully open the door before he walked in, and I watched the way he scanned my apartment.

I wondered what he saw.

"How can I help you, Agent?"

It was a tease, and based the look on his face when he finally turned to me, it took him a moment to figure it out. He was too much in his work brain. I could feel it. I'd never seen him at work, but I could tell.

"You seem tense," I spoke coyly, stepping closer and running my hands up his chest and onto his shoulders.

He didn't speak; instead his gaze bored into me, like he was going to lose his composure any second. But he held himself back. 

"Can I help you with that?"

That dark shine in his eyes was getting stronger.

"That depends."

As he spoke the words, he finally touched me, a sneaky hand finding its way to my hip. I gasped at the sensation and my eyes fluttered shut. He always had this immediate intoxicating effect on me that I just couldn't explain. I didn't care to, either. I just wanted to keep feeling it.

"Hmm... On what?" I murmured.

I tried to keep track of his hand as it sneaked to my lower back before pulling me closer. I tilted my head to look up at him as I opened my eyes. I just wanted to see that look again. That starved, possessive stare that made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

Although he appeared stoic, I knew there was something brewing. I knew that he was reveling in the effect he had on me.

Such a quiet, peculiar mind.

"What do you have in mind?" he asked, and I recognized the question as something deeper.

He was asking me for my limits. He wanted me to tell him what he was allowed to do. I didn't know how to tell him that I would do anything for him.

How could he not already know my answer? Perhaps it was just his attempt at being a gentleman. But I didn't need him to do all of that tonight. I'd much rather see something more... feral.

"Whatever you need," I answered as sweetly as I could. 

I heard his soft chuckle. It brought a smile to both of our lips, and he used his free hand to stroke the side of my face. I quickly leaned into his touch, trying to prolong the contact for as long as I could. 

"Is that so?"

Yes, I thought before saying, "Anything."

His thumb glided over my cheek and to my lips, gently separating them as he stared at me with a morbid curiosity. He was wondering how far he could actually push me. So was I.

In lieu of an answer, I slipped his thumb into my mouth, running my tongue up it before closing around it. The gentle sucking was mixed with soft rotations of my tongue. His breathing rate increased as he stepped forward and pressed his body flush against mine.

"And if you change your mind?"

What a gentleman.

I wouldn't change my mind, but I chose to indulge him with the proper form. I released his thumb and held my mouth open for a second before biting down on my bottom lip.

"Hmmm," I hummed as I thought about what I might be able to say to set him off.

I needed a safe word that would drive him wild. The thing was, I only knew a few of his interests. But I did know enough.

"Starship," I giggled, a little nod to the enterprise we'd already bonded over.

The effect the word had on him was immediate. His hand shifted to hold my chin. He used that grip to push me against the wall to the side of us, and our mouths connected just as harshly.

What a ridiculously sexy nerd.

The impact of my back against the wall was nothing compared to the fire coursing through my veins. My hands scrambled to grab onto his belt buckle, already trying to unwrap the present meant just for me tonight.

Once I'd gotten the metal separated, I smiled into the sloppy, heated kiss. He stopped, pulling away just enough to look down at my satisfied grin. He didn't say anything.

"What's that look for?" I said with half-veiled bashfulness.

Had he noticed something strange that I hadn't intended to display? Was I going too fast?

"Nothing. It's just..."

'Please don't be something I did wrong.'

"You're so cute when you think you're in charge."

I couldn't control the way my hips rolled against the front of him as he spoke, and I licked my lips before concluding, "I am in charge."

I don't know how Spencer was so fast, but he was. Within seconds, he had both of my wrists pinned against the wall behind me. Just as quickly, he shifted so he could hold them both up with one hand, the other lifting the side of negligee so he could touch the skin of my hip. I wasn't wearing anything underneath.

"Adorable," he whispered to me.

Naturally, my body reacted by trying to regain control, to touch him more somehow. He knew this, which is why he took a step back, letting go of my wrists and watching them fall back to my control.

"Are you challenging me, Dr. Reid?"

He gave a content, sarcastic smile before shrugging.

"No, I'm not, actually. It's not a challenge if I already know I'm going to win."

I could barely notice the way I puffed out my own chest in response, ready to give him the challenge he was so clearly begging for.

"Fine."

I put my hands in the air in surrender, turning and strutting my fine ass down the hallway in front of him. I didn't turn around, and I didn't tell him to follow. He would. I was confident in that.

I took a seat on the side of my bed, crossing my legs over the other and looking down at my nails with a bored expression. Before I knew it, he was crossing the threshold into my room. He walked up to me, his hands in his pockets and a voice filled with too much confidence.

"I know what you're doing."

He had something up his sleeve. I could feel it.

"What am I doing, Dr. Reid?"

The way he approached me reminded me of a hunt. The cautious, quiet strides toward me were purposeful. He stopped just in front of me, with my foot resting against his shin.

"I thought I already warned you what would happen if you did this."

"Do what?" I feigned innocence, raising my hand to my neck before perching my chin on it and leaning forward.

"Tease me."

That time when his hand made contact, it was on the top of my head. He ran a gentle hand over my hand, and the feather light touches almost tricked me. I'd almost thought he just wanted to appease me. To end my temper tantrum. But shortly after he had gripped the back of my hair in his hand and used the new grip to roughly tilt my head back to him.

"I thought you said you were going to be a good girl tonight?"

I bit down harshly on my lip to stifle my giggle as he tightened his grip.

"Oops," I said with a smile.

Suppressing my laughs enough to string together a sentence, I pressed my hands against his chest while he maintained his grip on my hair.

"I guess if you really want me to be a good girl, Dr. Reid... You'll have to make me."

That instruction was what I needed to break the man in front of me. It was the command he'd been waiting for; the bait for him to finally take what he came for.

Before I knew it, he had spun me around. He abruptly yanked my arms behind me at the same time he bent me over the side of the bed. An unfamiliar, harsh, and fucking freezing material on my wrists told me all I needed to know. The clanking of the short chain when he released my hands was music to my ears.

That beautiful son of a bitch actually brought his handcuffs.

"At least one of us follows orders," I joked, happily remaining on display for the man behind me.

I'm sure he noticed earlier that there wasn't anything blocking him from taking what he wanted underneath the negligee. But he didn't take it. Instead, he pulled me up by the chain, letting me teeter onto my feet before he twirled me back to face him.

"Get ready to learn."

Spencer slowly began removing his tie from his neck while he watched me squirm. His threat raised the tension in the room, but he gave me no clue as to what he was about to make me do.

I couldn't wait.

Once he had removed his tie, he unbuttoned his shirt. It was infuriating not being able to touch him, and I was quickly becoming impatient. It was shocking that it somehow wasn't awkward. I guess I just liked him that much. My thighs were pressed together, and the friction from rubbing them back and forth was the only stimulation I could find right now.

He raised his eyebrows as he noticed, shooting me a warning glance that I knew meant to stop. I did, but only because I was worried he would make me wait even longer if I didn't.

"Get on your knees."

I swayed back and forth, prying my hands apart to shake the chain holding my hands back.

"I can't," I said with a pout.

Spencer seemed to be entertained, and for a moment I thought he might give in.

He leaned over, a quiet breath in my ear as he gave a few words of caution.

"Get on your knees or I will bend you over mine."

My legs shook at the way his breath felt on my ear, and the words made me want to melt. As always, he knew exactly how to get me to do what he wanted.

Deciding that I didn't want to be a full on brat right off the bat, I gradually lowered down to my knees and threw him yet another pout from my new position.

"I want to touch you," I whined before tugging at the chain again.

He must have known it was a test. I had been so open to the hand cuffs being on before, and I still was. I just wanted to see how much power my pout had. Judging from his response, my puppy dog eyes didn't have very much power at all.

"You don't need your hands for that."

In a twisted sort of way, I was glad. I wanted him to do whatever he needed. I wanted to be what he needed. I would be the fight he could always win.

So, when he finally pulled his pants down and let them fall to the ground in front of me, I leaned forward to reach him.

I was quickly stopped by stern hand fisting my hair once more, leaving me hanging in front of him with nothing fun to show for it. He didn't say anything, just watching me as I returned soft whines and rubbing my legs together again.

"For a brat, you're very eager. You don't even realize you're challenging my authority, do you?"

Per usual, he was right. Even on my knees and handcuffed before him, I was trying to take back my control. He at least offered me the control over my neck again, though. He released my hair, smoothing it over the top of my head as he licked his lips. I couldn't take my eyes off them.

"Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just let you beg."

I bounced on my knees, trying to express what I wanted without resorting to outright begging. Not yet.

"I'll listen to you, I promise." 

"Good," he acknowledged. "Open your mouth."

I obeyed, as I'd just said I would, opening my mouth wide with my tongue forward to receive him. As he pushed into my mouth, he would only give me a couple inches before retreating. He continued this pattern until he had gotten over half of it into my mouth.

That time, he paused, granting me a pleased groan as he let his head fall back. I responded in earnest, continuing to move forward as my tongue swiped over whatever it could reach. When I pulled back, I barely released any of him before going even further forward. I looked up at his face to see if he was impressed.

He was.

Shortly after, I choked as he hit the back of my throat. I receded enough to take a deep breath through my nose. I wished I could use my hands, but I appreciated the novelty of the cuffs for at least this one time.

I swore he heard my thoughts. Because after I finished my breath, his hands found the back of my head and pulled me even further onto him. If my hands were busy, he would just use his own.

That time as I choked, I swallowed. I could feel him slip further down my throat, blocking the air supply just for a second. When he pulled me back, I knew this was just the beginning.

Once he knew what I was capable of, he was ready to take control for good.

Sure enough, he set a moderate pace of thrusting into my throat, keeping direct eye contact with me as he did so. I paid all my attention on making sure I timed my breath, feeling tears prick the inside of my eyes as I let him take over.

He was so beautiful like this. I thought about what it must be like for him at his job, that I was the first thing he came to. I decided right then, that he would never feel powerless with me. I would be anything he needed.

Suddenly, his pace slowed down, eventually coming to a stop. He slipped himself out of my mouth, and the strings of spit snapped onto my chin. I couldn't do anything to stop the running make up or saliva with both of my hands behind my back.

I was certain I looked like an absolute mess. My knees were weak from the position, and Spencer had never looked so pleased. Bending over, he grabbed me under my arms and helped haul me  up onto the bed.

His hands casually wiped the tears from my cheeks, and he used the back of his hand to clean the area around my mouth.

"You are so beautiful," he uttered.

'Oh my god, I think I might love him.'

"You're not bad yourself," I croaked, my voice hoarse from what we'd just done.

"Tell me what you want," he dared me, his hand dropping from my hand down to my lap.

"Whatever you want."

It was the answer I had already promised him. I'd meant it before, and I'd meant it then.

He had still maintained eye contact, staring directly into my soul as he slipped his hand between my thighs. The lack of underwear made his job so much simpler, and I was thanking myself for not putting another barrier between the two of us.

Because as much as I wanted to be patient for him, I was growing desperate. Which is why when he finally touched me, his finger slid into my heat with ease. The slickness that had pooled was more than even I expected from the complete lack of stimulation I had received.

His finger wasn't there for long. He briskly removed it and held it up to my face before rubbing them together. He smiled as I struggled to breathe through the teasing.

"I've barely touched you... And yet..." he taunted, causing me to roll my hips, trying to get to something wholly out of my reach.

I was ready to start begging.

"Please, Spencer."

"Please what? Use your words."

He was loving it. He knew damn well that I had absolutely no control over what I wanted. I couldn't grab him, and I couldn't touch myself. All I could do was beg.

"Fuck me. Please."

It was as straightforward as I could possibly be.

"Still so impatient... so needy," he laughed, his hand returning to its place between my thighs.

I wailed as he began thumbing my clit. It was mind-numbing. He knew that I desperately wanted to be filled, and he was doing the exact opposite.

"Yes," I panted. "I need you. I need you to fuck me. Please."

Spencer didn't stop, continuing to stroke the bundle of nerves with quick, repetitive motions.

"Not yet, little girl," he growled in my ear.

It didn't take long for my cries to pick up, my hips rocking furiously as he drove me into my first orgasm. A steady flow of pants and cries were mixed with mangled attempts to call his name. He still didn't stop, refusing to touch me anywhere but the one spot until I finally ceased shaking.

I almost fell backwards, but he caught me with an arm around the waist. I could barely see straight, and ever such a gentleman, he held my delirious body upright for a moment. I could tell he was wondering if I was alright.

The concern mixed with overwhelming desire was too much. Even as he tortured me with pleasure, I could see what an incredibly kind man he was.

That was the only way this would work, I thought. I had to trust him. And I did. I trusted him with my life.

"Tell me what you want," he uttered, offering me a guilt-free retreat that I would not take.

"You," I purred. "I want you, Spencer."

Finally allowing himself to give in to both of our desires, Spencer turned me onto my stomach one more time. When I heard the crumpling noise of foil as he tore the condom wrapper open, I raised my hips into the air. I stood on my tip toes and rested my head and chest against the bed.

He didn't say anything else, lazily rubbing the head against my sex. A trembling, relieved sigh escaped my lips as I felt him breach my opening. He took his time inching into me, savoring the way I clenched around him as he stretched me open. I wished I could see the look on his face, but I could barely keep my eyes open as the rapture overtook me.

Once he was fully in me, he paused, grabbing hold of my locked wrists as yet another reminder that he was the one in charge. I

wasn't going to fight him if he kept it up, that was for sure.

Almost pulling himself entirely out, he jerked me back at the same time that he snapped his hips forward and bottomed out inside me. I yelled out at the sensation, which clearly urged him on. His pace went from composed to frenetic in a matter of seconds, and each time he would slam into me, I couldn't stop the loud moans and cries from spilling out of my mouth.

He didn't let them dissuade him. I was pretty sure that he very much enjoyed the fact that I couldn't control myself. That he was the one doing that to me. But, in typical, sympathetic Spencer fashion, he leaned over me from behind and wrapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the noises.

Didn't want to alert anyone of what was happening behind closed doors, after all.

I could barely breathe as he fucked me into the bed, my feet lifting off the ground from the sheer force he used in each thrust. I let him take out all his pent up frustration on me, enjoying the harsh sting as his skin slapped against mine.

I wasn't going to last much longer. We both knew that we were riding dangerously close to the edge. As much as I didn't want it to end, I was ready to fall off that cliff with him.

His thrusts became jagged and stunted, and my thighs tensed tightly together. I chanted his name into his hand, unable to control myself as I felt my muscles flutter around his cock, urging him to finish with me. He happily obliged, pulling me roughly back to him one more time. Our hips violently collided and he held me down as far as he could onto him before emptying himself into the latex.

I could feel the soft twitching of his cock, and I started to wonder things you're not supposed to wonder about a booty call. I'd come back to that later.

A booty call. A one-night-stand.

Were we still just that? I wasn't going to ask... yet.

It felt so cold when he peeled himself off my back and slowly removed all of himself from me. I whined at the friction following the overstimulation. My legs shook terribly as my feet scrambled to touch the floor.

I couldn't see him, but I heard him throwing the condom in the trash before going through his clothes. Soon after, his hands were gingerly repositioning mine, granting him access to remove the cuffs. Once he'd slipped them off, I realized just how numb my arms had gone. They flopped uselessly to my sides, and I struggled to move my fingers.

Spencer's arms were around me before I knew what was going on. Delicately, he turned me onto my back despite my protesting groans. His touch was so gentle in a way I can't explain. He was acting like I would shatter at his fingertips.

"Wait here," he spoke in a hushed voice, placing a gentle kiss against my cheek.

I would wait anywhere for him.

While I did just that, I moved just enough that my entire body was on the bed. I inched up to the pillows and waited to regain my strength. My wrists were irritated and dented, but I couldn't really care. If anything, it would serve as proof that this night wasn't just a wild fever dream.

I saw Spencer out of the corner of my eyes, carrying an assortment of items that I couldn't help but laugh at.

"I come bearing gifts," he snickered before gracelessly dropping two bottles of Gatorade, a bottle of Advil, and lotion onto my bed.

"My hero," I spoke through the daze as I watched him pull his underwear back on. Understanding that the Advil was to stop my wrists from hurting, I took a couple quickly before I couldn't help but snicker at the sight before me.

"Awwe. I like the way you look without them, though," I teased, motioning to bottom half. "You have a cute butt."

He just chuckled, sitting down next to me and pumping lotion into a hand before motioning for me to give him my wrist.

I turned onto my side and presented him with my hand. Once he started to work the tired, abused muscles, I watched his face. The way he carefully admired the muscles while he worked, like he was trying to rebuild my wrist to the way he found it. He was so careful.

After a few moments, he held out his hand to switch, to which I also obliged.

I muttered a soft, "Thank you."

He only gave me a fleeting glance before returning to our hands.

"It's the least I can do. After what you let me do."

It was a bit of a joke, but also very genuine. He didn't call it aftercare, but that's what this was. I was familiar with it.

He was good at it.

Once he was satisfied that my wrists were going to be okay, he turned to his side to look at me. I looked up at him and wondered if he noticed that I saw the world in his eyes. I wondered if he could sense the overwhelming joy that flowed between us. I wondered if it was just in my mind that it was going both ways.

"I hope you know that I really do appreciate you," he said with a surprisingly serious tone.

My heart fluttered in my chest in a very inappropriate manner.

"Is there anything you need from me?" he asked.

Yes, I wanted to answer. Everything.

I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn't.

This doesn't mean anything, I reminded myself. He was just doing what he had to.

"No," I lied, instead. 

I think he knew I was lying. Of course he knew. Nonetheless, he draped an arm over me and scooted closer to me until my head rested against his arm. He gave my forehead a chaste kiss, and moved his fingers unhurriedly against the bare skin of my back.

I could've fallen asleep just like that, but I didn't want to. I wanted to feel that close to him forever. The freedom and happiness flowing through me was so intoxicating that I'd started to think about my previous thoughts I had during sex.

He was about that age men started to want kids and...

"Do you want kids, Spencer?"

'Oh, fuck, did I say that out loud?'

He looked as surprised as me to hear the question, and for a moment his hands stopped clean in their tracks.

'Oh no.'

"Uhh," He cleared his throat, "Yeah, I do. Wh-Why do you ask?"

Although he continued to drag his fingers across my back, it was different now. He was suddenly much more distant. Because seriously, why the hell would he not? We barely knew each other, and I definitely sounded like a crazy person.

"I was just wondering. You're good at taking care of people."

It was true. If he noticed I was covering my ass, he didn't say anything about it. Thank god.

"I'm not actually too sure about that. Right now you just think I'm good at it because your body is coursing with endorphins and adrenaline. The chemical process of love is extremely finicky and easily mimicked. Especially post-orgasm. Once that goes away, you might find you feel differently about me."

I doubted it.

Still, I shifted away from him, backing up so I could see his face again.

He continued, "You know, almost half of women surveyed said they felt anxiety and overwhelming sadness after sex. They even coined a term for it, aside from the typical sub-drop discussed in communities of more extreme sex. 'Post-coital dysphoria.' It's a shame really, that the idea of reassurance after sex isn't more mainstream."

Sometimes it was easy for me to forget he was some kind of genius. I always saw him at his most confident, which happened to also be his most quiet. As he taught me about things that I definitely should have been taught in high school sex education (but was not), I was not filled with anxiety or sadness.

In fact, I was happy.

I didn't really know him that well yet, but I wanted to.

"I can see why people mistake sex for love sometimes, then," I mumbled, not realizing the weight behind my words. It seemed obvious to me in the moment that he wouldn't think I was talking about us.

But then he pulled his hand back, running it through his hair and clearing his throat again.

"Yeah," he agreed, nonetheless, "It's pretty common."

I took a deep breath, panicking on how to pull him back to me. I lightly stretched, shifting to sit up and put some literal distance between us before the figurative distance was too far.

"Well, no worries here, Dr. Reid. I can confidently say I am not in love with you."

I could feel his eyes following me. I said I was confident, because I was. I was not in love with him.

Was I falling in love with him? It was a different question. I didn't know the answer to that one.

I excused myself for a moment to go to the bathroom and freak out in isolation. I could not believe I was somehow incapable of controlling my words around him. He just had this face that made you want to spill your heart out to him.

Did he know that? Whatever. It was easier to blame him for being so damn cute.

When I made it back to the bed, he was already half-asleep. He looked so peaceful and unassuming compared to the dominating personality I had seen not even ten minutes ago. As quietly as I could, I sneaked into my side of the bed. He began to stir, so I came up behind him and wrapped an arm over his waist.

"You know, they say it's dangerous to stay the night after a one-night-stand," I whispered, resting my face on his shoulder. "People might get attached."

"Technically this would be a two night-stand, so I don't think the same rules apply," he grumbled before placing his hand over mine on his stomach.

"Well, if you really  want to get technical, we are a one-night-stand plus a booty call," I corrected, earning a playful scoff from the man beside me.

"Pretty sure those are mutually exclusive."

I tried to repeat to myself that he was just trying to be nice. He was doing what all people are supposed  to do after sex. It didn't mean anything, I tried to convince myself.

It didn't mean anything.

"You're right."

I still tried to convince myself. It still wasn't working.

Fuck it.

"We could be something more. If you want to," I suggested. I'd sounded absolutely bored by the idea on purpose, but it still hadn't been enough to convince him that I wasn't out here proposing marriage to a fucking bootycall. 

His entire body tensed under my touch, like my words had inflicted pain. From my position half on top of him I felt his chest stop moving as he held his breath.

I shouldn't have said it. It was easy to say that in hindsight. But the truth was, I wasn't the only one blaring sirens of my growing attached to the kindhearted man who'd just massaged my wrists. Spencer had always been the one to be blatantly affectionate with me. It was him who had wanted to make this a recurring habit in the first place.

He was the one that always chose to stay the night. He was the one who initiated it. It wasn't just me who wanted something more, but he had to be a stupid, proud man like the rest of them.

"(Y/n) I—"

I knew that tone. I'd heard it before. He was going to tell me he couldn't be with me. We couldn't 'date,' or whatever he'd convinced himself the mature version was of the juvenile phrase.

But I already knew that. He was a fucking FBI agent and he was 10 years older than me. I barely knew anything about him. Had he ever even had a girlfriend? Did he have one now? I didn't even know, and that wasn't what I'd asked. 

Still, he was struggling to come up with a way to let me down easy, and I didn't want to hear it. It was going to be a lie, anyway. So, I covered his mouth with my hand and stopped him before he ended things for good.

"Friends, Spencer. I meant we can be friends."

Suddenly, we could both breathe again.

"I'd like that."

The tension melted from the room, but only so much. There was still a wall between us. I wasn't sure if it'd ever go away, but that was a problem for another day. 

"Me too," I lied.

I didn't want to be friends. I was scared what 'friends' meant. I was nervous that what I'd done was give him an out to never talk to me again. I was petrified that he'd lose the ability to see me as anything more than a collection of mistakes he'd made.

I didn't tell him any of that. If he noticed, which I'm positive he did, he didn't say anything about it. I was sure he wouldn't. Because even though he was about to shut me down, I knew part of him was craving the intimacy I was willing to offer him. I figured I'd just have to do it quietly for the time being. Wouldn't be the first time a woman took responsibility for a man's feelings.

At least the sex was worth it.

I tried to pretend like that's all it was. After a minute of listening to his heart beating rhythmically underneath me, though, he rolled over once more. Unable to leave him behind just yet, I joined him. I turned so he could pull me as close to him as he wanted.

There was never a barrier between us when the words were removed. My body fit next to his like it had been molded for that purpose. I curled into the warmth and I savored the quiet moments that I was convinced could never come often enough.

As I drifted off into sleep in his arms, our legs tangled together like we were part of the same two headed beast.

My last thought of the night was the one I'd been trying to avoid.

I don't want to be friends, because friends don't do this.

—————————————————  

Waking up next to Spencer in my bed that morning was somehow even more ethereal than before. Although I'd shifted several times in my sleep, he'd found me in the darkness each time so that he could cling to me again.

I didn't want to move. I was worried I would wake him and we'd return to our previous lives like this had never happened. I thought back to how tired he had looked when he first got here. I still wasn't totally certain what a profiler is, but the haunted look in his eyes and the tension in his muscles told me it wasn't easy.

I ghosted my fingers over his hand splayed out on my stomach, and the touch only served to make him pull me closer to him.

He was like a child with his favorite toy, desperately seeking out the comfort only I could provide him. I continued to run my hands along his, eventually going up his arm and quietly giggling at the goosebumps that formed. I didn't want him to wake up, but I also didn't want him to be awoken with another notice that he had to leave.

I wondered what the morning would be like without a time limit.

When Spencer began to stir, the first thing he did was bury his face between my shoulder and neck. I giggled at the tickling sensation of his breath, and he responded by peppering the area with short, light kisses.

It was my favorite way to say good morning.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," I said through the laughter. 

He didn't speak, just humming back contentedly as his kisses became more involved.

"Now who's the needy one?" I teased, tilting my head to grant him more access.

"Still you," he sighed against my skin.

"You know what I really need?" I began, starting the impossible task of turning onto my back while he refused to let go of his hold on me. "Coffee."

I couldn't help but laugh at the playful groan he released in response. He clearly agreed, and even followed the joyful sound with, "And they say the perfect woman doesn't exist."

It didn't mean anything, I warned my heart as it began to race. It was just a joke.

"Well, I didn't for the first ten years of your life. But don't worry, Dr. Reid. You have me now."

The brag, paired with the reminder of our age gap, earned me my release from his embrace. I was sad to lose it, but I'd also been scared of the effect it had on me.

"Your humility is my favorite part," he said in jest as he watched me squirm out from under his arm.

I stuck out my tongue, and he spoke again.

"Wait, never mind. I forgot about that part. That's my favorite part."

My face burned as I sucked it back in before pouting and climbing out of the bed. Grateful that I still had on my negligee, I stopped to pick up his clothes and tossed them onto the bed.

"Come on, lazy bones. I don't know how you like your coffee."

He just smiled, that gentle yet goofy look that told me he was enjoying himself. I didn't stay to watch him get dressed, deciding he deserved his privacy, despite the fact that I had shoved his dick down my throat the night before.

When he got to the kitchen, the pot was already on. I was leaning forward against the counter, half asleep on my propped up hand. He didn't take a seat at the table. He positioned himself directly behind me and wrapped an arm around my chest.

The man just couldn't keep his hands to himself. I wasn't complaining.

He slipped a hand beneath the front of my negligee, becoming more daring as he gently kneaded my breast and his mouth continued to mark my neck.

"What did I do to deserve all this attention now, Dr. Reid?"

It was a serious question. I had literally just been standing there. I had just woken up. I hadn't even cleaned my face.

"Nothing. You just exist."

I both chuckled and scoffed at the answer. So much for not wanting things to be emotional. Being the more responsible of the two of us, I focused on the way his tongue devilishly drew different sounds from me.

He suckled gently on the side of my neck, and his fingers began to tweak my nipple. A moan was ripped from the back of my throat as I jutted my hips backwards against him.

"God, when you react like that I can't help but think you want me to fuck you over this counter."

He was right. I did. Men weren't the only ones who had to deal with illicit thoughts in the morning. I figured he knew as much.

"Please," I begged, moving my arms so I could brace myself against the ceramic.

"Only because you asked nicely."

He withdrew from my neck. I heard as he drew familiar, crinkly foil from his pocket and I giggled at the anticipation. At the knowledge that he'd clearly pulled one from his wallet before he ever left the bedroom.

Soon enough, his fingers were trailing up my inner thighs, quickly encountering my very wet center that was still affected by the night before. Upon realizing I didn't need any preparation, he skipped it entirely. Slowly and with purpose, he slipped inside of me. I let out another loud moan as he filled my sore heat.

"Fuck," I heard him mutter under his breath.

I loved to know he couldn't entirely control himself with me. I wanted to know how I made him feel. It wasn't like the other times. There was no battle for dominance; I submitted to him immediately and freely. He was not rushed or driven by high emotions. His thrusts were slow, deep, and intimate. One of his hands returned to my chest, paying special attention to the breast that had been ignored before.

I leaned forward into his hand, my back arching to provide him with whatever relief he was looking for inside me. I panted out his name as my own version of a Sunday morning prayer.

It went on like that for a while. He took his time with me, like he was memorizing each nook and crevice he could reach. My legs were beginning to shake from his intrusion and also from my impending orgasm.

"Spencer..." I whispered his name differently this time, and his hands withdrew. I whimpered at the loss. But my disappointment was short lived, as his hand found its way down to where our bodies met. I gasped at the contact.

"What, (y/n)?" he asked with the utmost concern, beginning to make soft circles around my clit while he continued to fuck me from behind.

"I-I'm going to..."

I couldn't finish my sentence, collapsing forward as the stimulation became too much to bare. As it usually did, his other hand grabbed hold of my hair, clutching it tightly to pull me back up to him.

"Then do it."

His statement was a demand, but also its own beg. He wanted to feel me finish before him. I couldn't fight it even if I wanted to. The way he commanded control of my body was a force that could not be ignored. The ever tightening coil inside of me snapped, causing twitches and spasms to rack my body.  My mouth tried to call his name, but my voice didn't come out.

I tried to grip the ceramic when he began to pick up his pace, fucking me harder as my orgasm went on. I knew how much he loved to feel me come undone from the inside. But he held on, continuing his brutal pace until even after I had devolved into a panting, dripping mess underneath him.

My soft mewls from the sensation of being fucked through peaked bliss were still not enough.

"What do you want, little girl?" he growled in my ear as he leaned forward, somehow thrusting harder. Another moan was bubbling up my throat as my feet left the ground with each impact.

"I want... I want you to cum. Inside me."

It was a beg laced with pants and high pitched whines. It was what he wanted to hear.

He grabbed one of my hands, guiding it to my lower abdomen and holding it there. I didn't realize why until the next thrust, when I felt a bump form as he moved within me. I hadn't even considered how deep within me he was. He was showing me how much of me belonged to him.

I'd already known, but the reminder was nice. 

With a few more rough, deep thrusts, he had buried himself inside of me, and I could feel it against my hand. From within me I could feel him spilling into the condom.

I remembered my question about children. I remembered his answer.

That beautiful, sneaky bastard was imagining what it would be like to make me pregnant, whether or not he would admit it. I had put the thought in his mind. I just wasn't expecting it to have that profound of effect on him. I was more turned on by that than I'd like to admit.

I had said that I'd do anything for him.

He didn't say anything else. He released my hair and pulled out of me. He left me to prop myself up on the counter the best I could while my body trembled from the loss. 

At some point, the coffee pot had finished. I figured there were worse ways to pass the time.

Spencer was gone when I turned around. I figured he had gone to the bathroom to clean up, and I tried not to think anything of it. I poured two cups of coffee and pulled out the cream and sugar.

When he came back, he'd come with his phone. He sat down at the table and silently read through messages from the past hours he spent with me. I watched him prepare his drink, immediately downing some of the contents despite its temperature.

"Good lord, do you even have feeling in your throat?" I asked, laughing as I continued to stir my cup.

"Interesting you would be the one to ask me that. After last night, I wondered the same about you."

Touché.

"Did you get any interesting messages? Is the ever-so-busy Special Agent Dr. Reid going to be whisked away from me without a proper goodbye again?"

The words were laced with only a little bit of bitterness. He ignored it.

"I don't know if I would classify our goodbye last time as improper. At least, not in the sense you're using the term."

He was avoiding an answer. I figured he had to go. Or, well, he wanted to.

That's fine, I told myself. He can go. Even though I didn't want him to.

I watched him, the way he continued to nurse his drink with one hand and look at his phone with the other. I tried to suppress the hearts forming in my eyes.

"When will I get to see you again?" I asked, my tone full of trepidation.

"I'm not sure," was his honest answer, given without ever looking up at me.

"We should do something fun."

That made him look up, with a sly grin forming on his face.

"Not like that, you perverted old man," I laughed.

He raised his eyebrows, choosing not to reply outright to my taunt just yet.

"As much fun as we have in bedrooms, I don't know much about you. I'd like to change that," I explained. 

He watched me carefully, his eyes shifting away as he began to overthink it. I could see the cogs of paranoia turning in his mind. I think even he knew he was being sort of ridiculous.

"As friends, Spencer," I reminded with a gentle smile. "Let's do something fun. As friends."

The reserved half smile he gave would be good enough for me.

"Sure," he conceded, which filled me with a bubbly happiness I tried (and failed) to conceal. "I do have to go now, though. If for no other reason than wanting to change."

An understandable concern. I was fine with him leaving if I knew I would see him again this time. But still, something about him leaving so soon hurt a deeper part of me. I wondered if it was that dysphoria he was talking about, but decided not to question it, lest he tell me it was something more worrisome. Something like infatuation. 

I nodded, leaving my coffee on the table as I took his already empty cup. He stood up, waiting for me to return before the both of us walked over to the door. Something about his hesitation resonated in me. My puppy dog eyes were out in full force as I stared up at him.

I wasn't able to smile as he left.

"I'll see you again soon. As soon as I can," he assured me.

I wanted to believe him, but I hated that I didn't know when that would be.

He reached a hand down, brushing loose hairs from my face and commanding my attention that I so readily gave. 

"Don't look so sad," he instructed. "It makes it hard to leave."

My chest swelled with anxiety and adoration. I wasn't sure how to combat it. I hugged myself with one arm, and Spencer shook his head with a laugh.

"Still not following directions."

He didn't seem to mind all that much, though. He leaned forward and cupped my face in his hand. Our lips pressed against each other with a tenderness that made my head spin. We kissed each other in a way that was carelessly romantic.

When he pulled away, he stared into my eyes for a second too long. And when he waved goodbye and walked out of my door, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind.

Friends don't do this.

—————————————————  

| Part 4 |

[peaceoutofthepieces]

chapter 20

Fake Making-It

Social Media AU

previous chapter

~^~

Jens opens the door either a moment too soon or a moment too late. Sander and Lucas are already standing outside, as he’d thought, and are deep in conversation. Jens stands frozen in the doorway and waits for them to notice him. In that time, he takes in Lucas’s frown and Sander’s comforting hand on his shoulder. Lucas had been speaking before Jens opened the door, then he cut himself off abruptly.

Now they’re both staring at him. Silent.

Jens takes in the tension laced through Lucas and the frustration obvious in his face and feels nerves bubble up in him. He thought he had come prepared today, but now he’s doubting himself. He swallows as Lucas meets his eyes, but miraculously manages not to look away. They’re sort of friends, now, right? They’ve come a long way since their first meeting, at least. He doesn’t have to be so anxious. One simple look from Lucas should not tear his stomach to shreds.

It’s a little nerve-wracking, however, when Lucas slips away from Sander’s hand and brushes past Jens without a word.

Jens twists his head to look after him for a moment, then turns back to Sander and tries not to appear too awkward or concerned. “Everything okay?” he carefully asks.

Sander is still looking after Lucas, seeming pained, and then he looks at Jens and blinks. “Yeah, of course,” he smiles. “Sorry, we’re a little late.”

Nothing about this is very convincing. Jens wouldn’t consider himself a people expert, and he’s especially not overly familiar with Sander, but even he can tell that his smile is a little forced and his body strung a little too tight. He doesn’t think they were fighting. It didn’t even really seem like they were arguing.

But there’s definitely a shared tension between them. Jens doesn’t understand why this makes him simultaneously curious and more anxious.

“You’re fine,” he says, stepping back and beckoning Sander in, shutting the door behind him.

They’re using the front room in Jens’s apartment as a studio space. He hadn’t thought much ahead before offering it up, but Sander had barely paid attention when he first showed up and gave Jens no reason to fret. He hadn’t really cared what Sander would think either way.

He may have taken a little extra care this morning. (Or in the last hour, after waking up late and proceeding to rush around like a mad man.) Robbe may have raised his brows at him in teasing surprise when he showed up, and it may have made Jens feel even more silly for being so nervous.

But no matter how friendly their texts seem to have gotten, Lucas is still very intimidating.

Jens has no idea how they’re supposed to interact in person, and it doesn’t help that Lucas already seems to be in a rather dull mood. He isn’t sure why he expects Sander to continue to try to do something about it. Instead the blond lingers back with him as Lucas greets Robbe, smiling now as Robbe offers him a bro-handshake. Jens lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding at the sight, feeling a smile of his own grow as Robbe immediately strikes up a friendly conversation with the other man.

It’s not that he’d been nervous about Robbe, but well, he imagines that it isn’t easy. He doesn’t know how Robbe does it.

Lucas is already shrugging his bag off his shoulder and pulling out his sketchbook and his camera. Jens feels anticipation bubble in the pit of his stomach.

“Hey,” he greets, once they’re close enough, and to his delight, Lucas glances up and offers him something like a smile. “Everything good?”

Robbe nods as Lucas says, “Yep. Or, well, depends. What’s the plan?”

He looks to Jens for direction, and Jens forces himself not to stutter, instead simply turning to Robbe for help.

“Uh, well,” Robbe thinks, glancing between them all before finally settling on Sander. Jens hopes he’s the only one who notices how Robbe’s cheeks flush. “You don’t urgently need to work with Jens today, do you?”

Sander blinks at him, then quickly shakes his head.

“Okay, well I filmed a little bit of your shoot with Jens the other day, and I’ve been thinking I could edit it into like a promo to sort of announce things before we release the actual pics? But I was hoping I could maybe get your opinion on it first.”

“That’s a really cool idea,” Sander says, brightening. The smile on his face appears much more genuine than before. Jens supposes that’s what a passion can do. He hopes it’ll have the same effect on Lucas.

Robbe looks to Lucas and then to him, smiling as well. “That’s if you guys are happy enough to work this out yourselves? I’m sure Lucas knows what he’s doing, and I mean we’ll just be here if you want another opinion on anything.”

Jens raises his brows as Lucas glances at him.

Lucas offers Robbe a nod and a smile. “Sounds good.”

Jens notes that he doesn’t speak to or even glance at Sander as Robbe guides him to the small table in the corner while Jens and Lucas remain at the island. Jens hesitantly takes a seat, then gestures for Lucas to do the same, trying to remind himself to be both chill and professional. He’s usually able to manage it at meetings. Maybe it’s being in his home that makes it feel a little more personal.

“Hi,” he repeats, watching Lucas’s concentrated frown as he skims through his sketchbook.

Lucas looks up at him and seems, again, vaguely amused. “Hi.” He skims his gaze over Jens, tilting his head curiously. “Are you always this nervous?”

No, Jens thinks. Just with you.

“Sometimes,” he says.

Lucas huffs, smiling now as he looks back down. “Don’t be. I’m the one preparing to be criticised this time.”

“You were very intimidating last time we spoke.”

“Because I told you to watch it?” Lucas raises a brow at him.

Jens blanks, then remembers their text conversation from yesterday and flushes. “No, I mean, the last time we actually spoke. At the first meeting.”

“Ah.” Lucas nods. “In person. That usually makes me less intimidating.”

“Why?” Jens’s brow furrows.

Lucas raises his brows again and gestures at himself. Jens takes him in. His curls are as artfully styled as ever, falling over his forehead in messy waves, and below that his eyes are a stunning blue. He’s wearing another loose shirt, this time black with a light floral pattern. Jens can see the collar of a tee poking out underneath. Along with that, Lucas is wearing skin-tight jeans and shiny black boots along with his usual assortment of jewelry, rings adorning his fingers and silver bracelet glinting from his wrist. Jens wonders if any of them are gifts from Sander.

“I don’t get it,” Jens says. He means it. Lucas is beautiful. He looks like the true model here. It’s part of what intimidates Jens so much.

Lucas wiggles his fingers at him, showing off dark purple nails, then flexes a skinny arm. “Very intimidating, I imagine.”

Jens frowns. “You don’t need to be brawny to be intimidating. Honestly, I think I’m probably more intimidated by pretty people. Especially when they’re confident.”

Lucas stares at him for a minute, and Jens must imagine the flush on his cheeks, because then he snorts and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay, you basically just described yourself.”

Jens grins in surprise, but before he can say anything else, Lucas is spinning his sketchbook around and shoving it towards him, then digging back into his bag. Jens drags his gaze away and down to the paper in front of him. It’s littered in designs, different emblems and patterns interlocking across the double page. There are a few combinations of his initials, which he supposes also work well with a self-titled album. As much as Jens felt creative with words in the songwriting process, naming the songs and especially the album had been a frustratingly difficult task, so much so that he’d eventually just settled on JENS.

Robbe has been very skeptical, but Jens’s label seemed to think it was a good choice, and that was good enough for him. It wasn’t about the names or the titles, anyway.

Lucas seems to have also recognised this, and there are some heavy references to the actual music in some of the sketches. Lucas has sprinkled waves and rain and other forms of water throughout some of the designs, or focused on them entirely. Along with that are cages and chains, locks and keys, and beautiful wings.

Jens instantly falls in love with all of them, and then turns the page only to find more. He lets out a long breath. “How much time did this take you?”

He looks up in time to see Lucas shrug. He’s now staring down at an iPad. “Not that long. I might’ve stayed up a little longer than I should have, though.” He shrugs again, and now Jens believes the flush crawling up his neck has to be real. “The album gave me a lot of ideas.”

Jens nods. He hovers his fingers over some of the sketches, leaning down to admire them in closer detail.

Lucas makes a small sound of triumph, and then slides the iPad on top of the sketchbook. “I did a few out then on some rough clothing sketches, just to get an idea what they’d look like brought to life and put together. This doesn’t take that long, so if there’s any ideas you’d like me to group or something we could spend a while messing around with that. Or as long as you tell me, I can do it when I go home.”

“Everything is amazing.” Jens shakes his head, awed. He blows out another breath and laughs slightly as he looks up at Lucas. “I don’t know how you expect me to choose anything. None of these should be left out. Fuck, this one’s amazing.” He taps his finger on a sketch of drooped wings encased in a golden birdcage. He takes the iPad and lets Lucas draw the sketchbook back towards himself to examine, humming quietly in agreement.

He knew Lucas was talented. He’d gone after him for that exact reason. But seeing how quickly he’s managed to create all of this, how easily he’d brought the images in Jens’s words to life—he’s in awe. As well as that, he’s managed to implement the designs onto hoodies and t-shirts and sweatpants and hats and everything in between. Excitement floods through Jens at the prospect of getting to wear one himself, never mind seeing such items on anyone else. He smiles secretly to himself as he imagines Lucas donning a sweatshirt with his initials embroidered on the chest.

He doubts Lucas would ever sacrifice his beloved reputation to such an extent, or like Jens that much in the first place, but he’s allowed to dream.

“Yeah, I’m never going to be able to choose. I’m so sorry for making this more difficult but you’re just—this is just too good.” Jens shakes his head, still scrolling through the different images, and Lucas huffs.

“I didn’t expect you to be such a suck-up,” Lucas teases.

Jens looks up at him, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes. Then he lets his expression turn earnest and shrugs. “I’m telling the truth, like I hope you did with me.” He’d been relieved, and pleased, when Lucas had given such a kind review of his album yesterday. It was almost hard to believe. He’d instantly gone and listened to the third and last songs again, the ones Lucas had said were his favourite, and had a smile on his face for the rest of the day.

Lucas’s smile slips now, and some of Jens’s nerves come back. Lucas clears his throat and snaps his sketchbook closed, setting it aside so he can pull his camera towards him. “We can ask Robbe for his opinion, later? It might help. Even if you’re just able to rule things out together.”

Jens suddenly remembers his best friend only a few feet away, and Lucas’s boyfriend with him, and quickly glances over his shoulder. He’s been doing well, every other day, at keeping an eye on them. He knows how easily Robbe could get hurt or upset, no matter how much he protests that he’s getting over his crush perfectly fine. Jens knows it’s far from the truth, both because he knows the full capacity of Robbe’s feelings and because it must be ten times harder to get over someone you see every day. He knows Robbe avoids contacting Sander now outside of work as much as he can. He knows it isn’t easy, and he’s been doing his best to provide a comforting buffer.

Now, though, he turns around just in time for Robbe to start giggling as Sander talks animatedly. Robbe is staring at his laptop screen instead of Sander, and his cheeks are flushed, but he’s smiling wide. Not upset, not yet, but quite possibly digging himself into a hole. Sander, at least, appears oblivious, happy and excited as he makes a dozen hand gestures and leans farther across the table to get a better look.

“Yeah, we’ll do that when they’re done,” he agrees, shooting a smile back at Lucas.

Lucas is watching Robbe and Sander, too, the furrow back between his brows. Jens remembers the sour mood that he’d arrived in, the tension between him and Sander, and resists asking if everything is okay. He’s told Robbe enough times, when he was mourning over Sander, that it’s none of their business. He shouldn’t be the one to butt in now.

He gently hands Lucas’s iPad back to him instead, then raises his brows. “Meanwhile, do you want a snack? Or something to drink?”

Lucas smiles at him. “Oh, he remembers to be a good host.”

Jens pulls a face at him. His heart flutters when Lucas actually laughs in response. “Five seconds and I retract my offer,” he threatens.

“Water would be nice, maybe,” Lucas acquiesces instantly. “And if you have any chocolate, I won’t say no.”

“Huh, sweet tooth. Noted.” Jens winks at him, pushing to his feet and glancing back at the other two co-workers. “Sander, can I get you anything?”

Sander quickly looks at him and shakes his head, and his eyes slide on over to Lucas and he tries for a smile. Lucas either truly misses it or pretends not to notice.

Jens bites down his questions once more. “Robbe?” He waits for his friend to shake his head and then goes to fetch water and chocolate for Lucas. A few minutes later, when Lucas has eaten half of the biscuits on the plate Jens had left out and is taking a sip of his water, Jens decides on a safer line of interrogation. “So, how many times did you actually end up listening to the album?”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Those two times. And then the first few songs again because Sander joined me and he’d missed those.” Lucas pauses, blinking at Jens with wide eyes. “I hope that’s okay.”

Jens waves him off. “Yeah, obviously. I don’t expect you to keep anything from Sander, especially when you share a room.” He raises a brow. Lucas doesn’t react. “Besides, you both signed the contracts. Sander’s in our trust, too.”

“Okay,” Lucas nods, smiling slightly again. Jens’s chest warms. “That’s good, then.”

Jens smiles back at him, and they sit in silence for a moment, considering each other. Jens realises Lucas’s attention isn’t making him as anxious anymore. Their texting relationship seems to have actually carried over into real life, and he’s relieved.

Lucas takes another sip of his water and then grabs his camera again. “How do you feel about doing a practice shoot? I might even be able to mess around and edit some of the designs onto you then. Plus it’ll be a lot easier when the time comes if I’m already familiar with you and your angles and the lighting and everything.” Lucas waves a hand.

Jens bites down his smile and nods in acceptance. “Okay, sure. Just tell me where you want me.”

It turns out his nerves aren’t entirely gone. It’s different, when he’s sitting on a stool and Lucas is focusing entirely on how he looks. It’s different when there’s a camera pointed at him and Lucas is the one behind it. He doesn’t want to mess up. He doesn’t want to frustrate Lucas, and he doesn’t want to look like an idiot.

It turns out this makes the whole process more difficult.

“Are you always this tense?” Lucas asks, vaguely concerned, and Jens’s shoulders tense further. Lucas sighs. “Don’t act so much like you’re posing. Just, do whatever feels comfortable.”

Jens wriggles on the stool. He draws a leg up. Puts it back down again. He leans forward to rest his arms on his knees and almost falls off the stool, which is too high for that position to work. He leans back and crosses his ankles, tucking his hands in his pockets.

Lucas snaps a photo, then considers it with a frown. He examines Jens again. “Maybe spread your legs?” He suggests.

Jens instantly raises his brows and smirks slightly, just to see Lucas rolls his eyes and set an unimpressed hand on his hip. Jens relents and spreads his legs, planting his feet and letting his hands dangle between his knees.

Lucas takes another photo and stares at it for a moment. Then he says, “How about we go outside?”

Jens blinks at him. “Why?”

“Because if you’re just walking around, not posing, I might get something more natural. I can tell you’re not feeling this.”

Lucas isn’t exactly wrong. The only thing Jens is feeling right now is sick. He’s twitchy and his stomach keeps rolling and Lucas’s gaze is too intense. He can’t sit still. Maybe it will help if he doesn’t have to.

“You’re the expert,” he says. “I can go wherever you want me.”

Lucas shakes his head. “No. Wherever you want. Somewhere you’re a little more in your element.”

Jens thinks, then nods. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Lucas grins, letting his camera settle around his neck. He moves back to the island and collects the coat he’d abandoned there, the same denim jacket with the fluffy collar he’d worn the first time they’d met. He slides his arms into the sleeves and turns to the other two men in the flat, clicking his fingers once to get their attention. “We’re going out to take some photos. Do you two wanna come with?”

Jens doesn’t know if he wants them to. The possibility of being alone with Lucas is terrifying and thrilling all at once. He decides this thought in itself is enough to make up his mind. He shoots a panicked, pleading look at Robbe, but Robbe is already looking at Lucas and nodding his head. He doesn’t seem to notice Sander’s frown.

“Yeah, sure,” Robbe agrees, and Jens lets out a breath of relief. He supposes his friend likely doesn’t want to be left here alone with Sander, either. “Where are we going?”

“Wherever Jens wants.” Lucas fiddles with his camera for a moment. “He needs to chill.”

Robbe raises his brows as Sander blinks. There’s a hint of a laugh in Robbe’s tone. “Jens needs to chill?”

“He’s always been chill with me,” Sander agrees, confused.

Lucas looks up to blink at them, then at Jens, amused. “Do I scare you that much?”

Jens flushes and pointedly ignores Robbe’s giggle. “No. I’m just, stressed. We’re releasing the first music video and announcing the album in two weeks and I’m very aware of all the things that could go wrong and how shitty I’ll probably feel.”

That shuts them up fairly quickly. Sander simply offers a sympathetic smile and Lucas’s expression softens as he seems to search for something to say. It’s Robbe, however, who raises to his feet and grabs Jens by the shoulders, squeezing reassuringly. “You won’t. It’ll be amazing, and we’re going to spend the entire day celebrating. Right now, Lucas is right. We should go out and have fun.”

“You definitely need it,” Lucas agrees, tilting his head towards the door, brows raised.

“Come on.” Robbe slaps his shoulder. “Skate park? It’s been a long time.”

Jens sucks in a breath, then slowly lets it out as he nods. They spend a moment collecting coats, keys, and boards, and then Jens ushers them all out and locks the door behind them. Robbe leads the way outside and down the sidewalk, and Jens half hopes Lucas will instantly rope him into conversation and start giving orders. Instead Sander slips an arm over Lucas’s shoulders and speaks to him quietly, and after a moment Lucas is nodding and leaning into his side.

Jens looks away and catches Robbe’s gaze, then falls into step alongside his best friend, bumping his shoulder. “Okay?” he asks quietly.

Robbe gives him a tight smile and a nod and Jens ruffles his hair.

The skatepark is relatively empty, but the people who are there continuously sneak glances at the group, whispering and grinning between themselves. Jens sees a guy pointing his phone at them. This isn’t entirely unusual, but it doesn’t help him destress.

“Just ignore them,” Robbe reminds him. “But be aware I’m gonna post a few stories because people are starting to ask if you’ve died.”

Jens rolls his eyes, but he does his best to listen. He looks to Lucas first, who merely waves his hand in a ‘go ahead’ gesture. He realises soon that it does help. It’s been a while since he’s skated, but it still loosens him up like it used to, still gets his blood rushing and allows him a few moments of freedom. He flips off Robbe’s phone and winks at Lucas’s camera and doesn’t really allow himself to think about either, or the way Sander is watching over Lucas’s shoulder and occasionally directing him, both of them smiling and bickering now.

He finally rejoins them and plops himself down on top of the half pipe, where Lucas immediately comes to kick at his thigh. “Weird question, but can I have a go?”

Jens blinks up at him, noticing how he’s rocking on his heels with barely constrained energy, and raises his brows. “Skating?”

“Yeah?” Lucas raises his eyebrows back. “Is that a no?”

“Uh, no, go for it. I mean, if you can.”

Lucas huffs, carefully setting his camera and his jacket on the ground next to Jens before picking up his board. He plants it at the top of the ramp, a foot balancing it on the edge, and cocks an eyebrow at Jens again before he’s racing down the ramp with a wave.

Jens stares after him, astonished, as he navigates the park on Jens’s board with ease. He barely notices Robbe and Sander sitting down with him until Sander wolf-whistles and Lucas flips him off as he passes. Jens feels something thrum in his stomach as he watches Lucas and can’t quite figure out what it is.

When Lucas finally comes to a stop below them, flicking his hair off his forehead, Jens gives an exaggerated clap. Lucas simply grins up at him, eyes considering as he holds the board up for Jens to take, then requests, “Pass me my camera?”

Jens does so without question, and Lucas’s lips curl as he looks up at him and then snaps a photo. “I just have to capture the utter shock and awe on your face right now.”

Jens sets a hand on his thigh and stares down at him, unimpressed, but his brow furrows slightly as the camera goes off again.

Lucas takes it away from his face and examines the image he’d taken, pursing his lips slightly. “Not bad. Who knew you could actually be sort of photogenic.”

Jens pulls a face at him as he grins and draws himself up next to Sander, who immediately leans in to look at the photos he’s taken. Lucas doesn’t hesitate to lean towards him, this time, and then he’s laughing at whatever Sander says, turning towards him with a dazzling smile Jens hasn’t seen yet. Their faces are so close they could kiss.

Robbe seems to have the same thought and looks away, showing Jens his hurt expression for an instant before focusing steadily out at the skatepark, his pinched lips the only visible sign of jealousy.

Jens has to look away, too, and finds himself mimicking the expression. It’s only then that he recognises the heavy feeling in his own stomach as the same emotion. He doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before. Jealousy has never been foreign to him.

He darts another glance at Lucas, in shock and slowly expanding terror, and notes how his heart flutters and then pinches as he throws his head back and laughs and Sander reaches out and fixes his hair for him.

Oh, fuck.

~^~

tag list: @allthewayornowayy @wedarkacademia @lockerfivethreefive @yellowballoon @gucciboner @nora-keinwitz @moonskam @painfully-oblivious @zoenneforever @akucecilia @hischbabe @evaksobbe @alittleemo @boring-side-effect @franboos

next chapter 

[too-gay-for-marvel]

is it you?

a/n: am i late for @hopingforbarnes​ writing challenge? absolutely. am i gonna learn from this? definitely not. but now you all know that i live by the motto of “better late than never” and i’m not sorry 😬 oh, also, the prompt will be bolded!

Prompt: You’re gonna have to limp faster than that

Word Count: 2629

Warnings: swearing, canon-typical violence

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

It was supposed to be easy.

Then again, it was always supposed to be easy.

And yet, you found yourself struggling to stay aware as bullets continued to slam into the metal desk you were hidden behind. Which, to be quite frank, you shouldn’t have been surprised about. If anyone was going to get you in trouble, it would have been Nat.

Don’t tell her, though.

“Just like old times, right?” Nat called from across the room, ducked down behind her own table.

“I don’t remember “old times” being this dangerous,” you called back, trying your damnedest to keep the pain in your voice to a minimum.

Okay, so maybe you hadn’t told her you had gotten shot yet. But it was fine. It was a simple through and through, it wasn’t like it was that bad. Maybe your leg was throbbing and maybe you couldn’t stop the bleeding from your side, but those were minor details. You could tell her after you got out of this cluster-fuck of a mission.

You knew better, you really did. Nat had always told you to tell her if things went wrong because she just wanted to help. Which was precious considering she was actually pretty useless at anything other than her job. Not that you minded because it was a nice shift in dynamics at home. But this was different.

Not that different, you thought to yourself as the table behind you shook with the impact of more bullets.

As soon as there was a lull in the barrage, you shared a look with Nat before the both of your fired over your respective tables. Nat had stood up to actually get a better look, but you stayed down. The odds of you actually hitting someone were slim-to-none, but it was the thought that counted, right?

You only stopped firing when Nat did; it wasn’t like you could see anyone anyway. Nat made her way around the tables to go… you didn’t know where, but she was out of sight. And as soon as she was out of sight, your arm fell and you let yourself just hurt.

And gods did it hurt.

“It’s not here.”

Right. Intel.

You slid that impassive facade back on your face before Nat got around the tables once again. She was doing her best to hide it, but you could tell she was pissed. Her jaw was clenched just a little too tight and her stance was a fraction too wide.

“But Steve said-”

“-I know what Steve said.” Her eyes squeezed shut and she lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose before letting out a single, deep sigh. “Apparently he was wrong.”

“Fuckin’ yankee,” you mumbled to yourself as you fell back against the table, jarring your side and sending a sharp ache up to your chest. “Leave it to a New Yorker to be wrong.”

“We can’t stay here and mope,” Nat said, even though you both knew it was an obvious observation. “The sooner we get to extraction, the sooner we can regroup.”

“And the sooner I can bitch at the Man with a Plan,” you agreed. Nat was already moving when you tried to stand up and realised a very big problem.

You could barely stand up.

Even putting all of the weight on your good leg wasn’t good enough, and the pain was enough to make you dizzy. Or maybe that was the blood loss? No, no, it was the pain. Maybe? No. Well. Whatever it was, it was making you sick and dizzy and how were you going to walk to extraction?

“You coming?” Nat called from the doorway, not looking back.

“Right behind you,” you called back, already steeling yourself to try and walk as normally as possible.

With blood streaming down your leg.

And more blood pooling between the fingers of the hand pressed tight to your side.

And everything spinning. Were things supposed to be spinning?

“We don’t have all day!” Nat called again, this time from further away, and you knew you didn’t have time to stand around.

Okay, I can do this, you thought to yourself. It wasn’t going to be easy but you were tough, right? You could make it to extraction, it wasn’t that far away. Was it? No, it couldn’t be, you had both walked here. Well, now that you thought about it, the extraction point wouldn’t be in the same place because it was never in the same place.

Hey! Quit stalling and get a move on! Right right, you were supposed to be following Nat. If you didn’t start moving, she was going to come back and see the growing stains on your suit. You looked down at your legs, mentally willing them to just move on their own, but it didn’t work. And as stupid as it was, you were surprised.

But you had to get moving. Your heart was trying to beat out of your chest as you considered which foot to start off with. Leaving the weight on your injured leg would probably make you fall before you could even start, so… bad leg first.

It ached when you lifted it but it wasn’t unbearable. You hadn’t put it down yet but you were feeling confident. This wasn’t so bad, you could move, it would be fine. But then you put your foot down and tried to keep moving, and that ache turned into an inferno.

You wanted to scream. You wanted to grip your leg and fall to the ground and scream. Curse AIM and the gods and the weapons manufacturers and maybe even Steve for getting you in this mess in the first place. But you couldn’t, because you couldn’t let Nat know. You needed to get to the extraction point.

So you kept going.

One foot after the other, no matter how slow it was. Your limp was probably greatly exaggerated, but it was the only way to make sure you could keep going and wouldn’t stop from the fire consuming your entire leg. It would have been easy to just stop and admit you couldn’t do it. But instead you counted the steps - 13, 1415, 16, 1718 - and continued to follow Nat.

By the time the both of you had made it outside of the small AIM base, the pain wasn’t too bad. In fact, you were practically numb to it. It was a bad thing, you knew that, but it had been so extreme that now your brain refused to register it. But that being said, your leg itself was getting weaker and you weren’t sure how much longer you could go.

“A few more hours and we’ll be able to go home,” Nat said, just loud enough for you to hear. You hadn’t stepped up beside her in fear that she would turn and see the injuries you had half-heartedly tried to hide.

“Hours?” You choked, your heart already starting to drop.

“You know this, don’t act surprised.” She started walking once again, but you stayed still.

You couldn’t make it a few more hours.

“Nat,” you said softly, knowing she couldn’t hear you but hoping that she would anyway. But she just kept going.

“Nat, please,” you said again, a little louder. Except this time, you hoped she couldn’t hear you.

“If we stop now, they’ll have time to regroup,” she called back to you.

And you wanted to keep going because she was right. A signal had been sent out from the base and neither of you knew what it had said, but you guessed it was calling for reinforcements. If you called it quits right outside the door then neither of you would be getting back home.

But you couldn’t. Your legs felt like lead and your feet had grown roots past the foundation and into the ground. The blood from your wounds was littering the ground with crimson flowers that were almost beautiful. Your body had left its mark in that base and was pulling you to stay.

“Can you quit fooling around and come-” when Nat’s eyes landed on you, she froze. “-on,” she exhaled, finishing her thought, eyes glued to the blood that refused to clot.

“I was going to tell you,” you said softly, but Nat had already rushed to your side, hands hovering uncertainly above your own.

“When?” She asked even though she now refused to look you in the eye. “Right before you bled out?”

“Actually, when we got to extractio- fuck!” You cried out when Nat’s hand finally stopped shaking long enough for her to press your hands against the wound. Only then did she finally look up into your eyes, and you saw something you didn’t ever think you would see in Natasha Romanoff’s eyes.

Fear.

“If you let up, I’ll kill you,” she threatened with shaky words. You wanted to answer but she didn’t give you time. Instead, she went to your good side and slung your arm around her shoulders.

Then it was time to get moving.

It should have been easier with Nat practically carrying you. You technically didn’t have to put much weight on your leg. But it was so much worse. Having your arm around her shoulders stretched your side just enough to feel like you were being torn in half, and you almost started to think you preferred walking on your leg than whatever hell this was.

“You’re gonna have to limp a little faster than that,” Nat teased with a nervous chuckle after what had felt like an eternity.

It was probably only 20 minutes.

“I’m sorry, is this an inconvenience?” You asked through gritted teeth, trying not to focus on the pain in your side or the way the world was spinning just a little faster with each step.

“Yes actually.”

“Oh fuck off,” you mumbled, but you could feel Nat’s shoulders shake ever so slightly from a silent laugh.

“Just a little longer,” she said quietly, mostly to herself. But you knew she was lying; you weren’t even close to the extraction point.

And with that little fact, you could feel yourself slowing down exponentially with each new step. You knew you weren’t going to make it to the extraction point, not at this rate. If either of you wanted to get home, you would have to drop the dead weight.

Even if Nat didn’t like it.

“Nat, stop,” you said after another step sent that familiar fire up your side.

“I know it hurts but I can’t carry you that far. Hold on just a little longer.”

“No, stop.”

“We just need to keep moving-”

“-Nat!”

Her shoulders slumped at your tone but she stopped nonetheless. She didn’t turn her head from where she was staring into the distance in front of you, but you could feel that she knew what you were going to say. After all, she wasn’t stupid. Quite the opposite.

Which meant she knew what had to be done.

“Get to extraction,” you told her, looking down at her even though she wouldn’t do the same.

“We’ll get there together,” she said as if there wasn’t any other possibility. And it made your heart hurt even more than your side or leg.

“By the time we get to extraction, there’s gonna be too many reinforcements,” you said softly. “We’ll be overwhelmed.”

“We could get there if you would just keep mov-”

“-Get your ass to the meet-up,” you interrupted, and she finally turned to look at you. Really look at you.

“Y/N-”

“-You can come back for me,” you tried to say. “It’ll be faster.”

There was a certain resignation that washed over her face. You both knew you were right, and as much as she hated to admit it, it was what had to happen. If there was any chance of getting you back with a chance of getting help, she would have to leave you.

Leave you alone in the middle of AIM territory.

But it would be worth it, right? Even if something happened to you, at least Nat would get away. She would be safe. You two hadn’t been together for too long, but definitely long enough for you to know that you would rather lay down your life than have her get caught or hurt. And maybe that meant you would get left behind.

And that was okay.

“You need to go, Nat,” you whispered. In the few seconds it took Nat to nod, you knew she was going through some wild emotions. What exactly those emotions were, you had no idea, but it didn’t matter. The way her eyes glassed over was enough.

She guided you over to the nearest tree and help you sit down with your back against the trunk. It hurt, and you could feel a fresh swell of blood push past your fingers, but then there was a silent relief. A relief that you weren’t on your feet, that you didn’t have to keep going, that you could just breathe.

“I’ll get to the jet and come back,” Nat said seriously, but she hadn’t gotten up from her kneeling position in front of you.

“No rush,” you chuckled with the best smile you could muster. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Nat lifted her hands to cup your cheeks, and even though everything was swimming and spinning and fading, her eyes were as clear as day. The eyes you saw before you went to bed, the ones you saw when you woke up. Her eyes that sparkled when the guys were fucking around at home and she could just relax.

Now those eyes were trying to impart something into your soul.

“I’m coming back for you,” she said with no hesitation, no fear.

And then her lips were on yours, soft yet so full of all the emotions she was feeling. Fear, desperation, passion, maybe even love. But before you could return the emotions, she pulled away and started walking, her yellow AIM suit a stark contrast to the green and brown blur of the forest. She didn’t turn back.

You didn’t blame her.

It wasn’t long after she left that you felt yourself fading. Quickly. It started with a coldness in your hands and feet. That quickly turned to your heart trying to beat out of your chest, and then you blacked out. Not for long periods of time - at least you didn’t think it was - but for a few seconds.

Then it got longer.

You noticed because you could vaguely see the light streaming through the trees at different angles. It would have been beautiful if you had been able to focus on it. But all you really wanted to do was sleep. Just let go and sleep, because at least you knew Nat was safe. Maybe she was almost at the extraction point by now.

And just that thought was enough for you to be okay with closing your eyes. Nat would be safe, she would be okay, and that was what mattered to you the most. You wouldn’t have to worry about her anymore because she was safe. So you let yourself close your eyes and listen to your heart slow down in your chest.

One.

The sound of someone stepping on twigs nearby got your eyes opened, but you couldn’t see anything. Not really.

Two.

Arms slid under your knees and behind your back, and then someone was picking you up. You just let your head rest against their chest.

Three.

Your eyes started to close again. It was impossible to tell who had found you, but you didn’t care anymore.

The last thing you remembered was that yellow suit underneath your hand.

[classicalmonuments]

Sanctuary of Si (Seeia)

Hauran, Syria

50 BCE - 4th century CE ~

Si is now a deserted ruin. Ancient Seeia was not a town, or a village, like the majority of sites in the Hauran, but an ancient “high place”, or sacred precinct, adorned with temples, enclosed courts, splendid gateways, statues, and monumental inscriptions. On the plateau to the east of the precinct, and upon its slopes, there grew up a small village which exhibits no signs of Christian work, and is probably of the Roman period, or even of the same period as the temples. The architecture here is very simple, and is in a very much ruined condition, but it seems to illustrate all of the more important principles of construction that are characteristic of the Roman and Christian periods in the Hauran. From all that I observed, it is impossible to assign dates to any of these houses. In the valley to the north there are a few ruins of towers which I took to be coeval with the temples, and a great number of tombs, tower-like structures of the early period, and more elaborate constructions of both the Nabataean and the Roman periods. 

From the valley, at a point about 300 m. east of the precinct, a paved road, of excellent construction in huge squared blocks, and about 7 m. wide, leads at an easy grade to the easternmost gate of the precinct. The general course of this road and the plan of the precinct and of the terraces about it may be seen on the map at the beginning of this Part. The road passes by the ruins of a bath and of a number of buildings of unknown purpose. At about half its length, it passes between the ruined piers of a fallen arched gateway. It terminates at an enormous pile of debris which represents the ruins of a triple-arched gateway of the Roman period. At this point the ascent is so steep that I cannot but believe that the outer gate, like those within, was approached by steps. Inside the entrance a paved courtyard, about 50 m. long and 19 m. wide, stretches to the westward. On the south of this court rises a retaining wall, 5 m. high, which masks the side of the knoll upon which a small temple stood. This temple was approached by a flight of steps set into the retaining wall and flanked by two niches. On the north is a terrace, 7 m. below the court, which is heaped high with debris in which are many interesting fragments denoting the presence of a buried building· of some kind. The eastern and western limits of this terrace are marked by walls of unusual thickness. This terrace, like all the others to be described, was artificially cut in the slope of the hillside. The western end of this first court is marked by the ruins of a gateway which I have called the Nabataean gate, because all of its details are in the characteristic Oriental style of Si. This structure is almost completely hidden in its own ruins, and the northern, or right hand, half of it is buried in the debris of a building of the Roman period with beautiful and characteristic details of the second century in Syria. The middle court, 50 cm. above the other, completely paved, and about 60 m. long by 23 m. wide, is not on axis with the outer court, but bends toward the north. It is flanked by terraces; one on the south about a metre higher than the pavement and one on the north some 7 m. below. The higher terrace was partly built up on a retaining wall, and is strewn with ruins. At its western end the temple of Dushara was discovered. The lower terrace is filled with masses of fallen building stones, broken statues, and fragmentary inscriptions, and is a promising place for future clearing out. 

The end of the middle court is marked by a flight of steps 87 cm. high, and by a fine specimen of highly finished wall with an elaborate gateway in the middle. This is the east wall of the peristyle court in front of the great temple. It had preserved about 1.50 m. of its original height, gateway and all, when we uncovered it. Within the gateway, that is, between the jambs of the portal, are two more steps which raise the pavement of the inner court 1.25 m. above that of the middle court. This inner court with its peristyle I have termed the Theatron, in the light of an inscription in Nabataean which uses this Greek word, given in Nabataean letters, in such a way that it can be applied to nothing else. This court is also slightly off axis with the one which precedes it, it measures about 25 m. north and south and about 21m. east and west, inside the wall. The colonnade occupies three sides of a rectangle of 18 m. by 20 m. in front of the temple. Between the colonnade and the wall are a narrow passage and two steps, like the seats of a theatre, which may have suggested the name Theatron to the builders. The side walls of this enclosure are carried along the sides of the temple, at a distance of about 2.50 m. to enclose a space 12 m. deep in the rear of the temple; this space was also paved. 

The magnificent temple wall of highly finished masonry which was disclosed by M. de Vogue and found to be intact to a height of 2 m., the two broad steps below it, the jambs of the portal, the bases of the columns and the bases of statues which he found all in situ, have been broken up to the very foundations and carried away by the stone- breakers since 1900. But these same plunderers, by carrying away much of the debris which filled the temple in 1861, and which M. de Vogue did not attempt to remove, have disclosed a part at least of the plan of the interior from which the rest may be restored, and have brought to light many new and important architectural fragments.

The style and character of the buildings, their present state of preservation, and the probable dates of their erection are to be discussed under the separate descriptions of the various buildings; but a few general remarks on these topics may not be out of place in these introductory paragraphs. The importance of the architectural remains at Si' lies in the fact that the buildings of the precinct here constitute the most important group of religious structures known to have been erected by that important branch of the Aramaean peoples known as the Nabataeans. M. de Vogue published a better preserved temple, of an entirely different plan, but having similar details, which he found at Suweda. A plan and a few fragments of one temple and scanty details of another found at Umm idj-DjimM have already appeared in these publications;1 two temples discovered in the Ledja by these expeditions are to be published in the Part which follows this one. These are the only monuments of Nabataean religious architecture known thus far, and the monuments at Si are the finest of their class. Here we have three temples, two of them of a plan hitherto unknown, the third prostyle tetrastyle. Beside the temples there are two fine gateways in the Nabataean style and one of the Roman period, and a bath that probably belongs to the later date. In the plain below there is a great variety of tomb structures, most of which are Nabataean. 

Most of these buildings were designed in a style that borrows little or nothing from the contemporary or earlier Hellenistic architecture of Syria. As stone cutters and masons these builders were unmatched for skill; they placed the arch directly upon the column, being perhaps the first architects to do so. They employed a great variety of profiles in their mouldings, and often embellished them with naturalistic, or conventional, or geometrical, designs of carving; but few of the profiles or of the carved designs are to be found in the Classical architecture of Greece or of Rome. They used the bell, or inverted capital, as a base for columns, and adorned it as the Persians had done. They designed capitals of many varieties, one drawn roughly from the outlines of the Corinthian capital, but very differently treated in detail; another with a gigantic abacus like those found in Petra and in Hegra in Arabia and those recently discovered in Bosra;3 others still, of moulded types with little leaves below the angles of the abacus, resembling only in the faintest degree the capitals of the Classical orders. But stranger still it is to find that these Oriental artists introduced grotesques and naturalistic animal forms into their carving. Human forms with distorted bodies and grinning faces appear among the leafage of some of the capitals, while birds and locusts are found in the foliage of the grape-vines. The grape-vine was the favorite subject for the broader bands of architectural ornament, and so great is the variety of treatment in leaves and fruit that it may be possible to trace a chronological sequence by means of it. But other vines were also popular; for we find the ivy and the convolvulus, and even the thistle, treated as a running ornament. The well-known acanthus, so common in Classical designs, if used at all, does not appear as a familiar plant naturalistically treated, like so many other vegetable forms, but as a conventional ornament with little resemblance either to the plant itself, or to the conventionalized form in which the Greeks and Romans used it. The Corinthian form of capital undoubtedly had long been known in Syria, in the Hellenistic architecture of the three centuries before Christ. We have specimens of it, dating from the second century b. c., in the building erected by John Hyrkanos at Arak il-Emir.1 In this building there are two varieties, one large and having a double row of plain water-leaves, the other small, with a single row of true acanthus. The Nabataean capitals at Si', which follow the Corinthian model to a certain extent, have but one row of leaves, and that a tall one, and the leaves resemble the acanthus more perhaps than those of any other plant. 

There are three perfectly distinct periods of building represented in the ruins at Sf, two of which are definitely dated by inscriptions, the third, by unmistakable peculiarities of style. The first is a Nabataean period dated by an inscription which tells us that the temple was begun in the third quarter of the first century before Christ. I believe that some of the fragments here are somewhat older than the earliest date named in the inscription — 33 b. c. - or, in other words, that the inscription does not record the actual foundation of the building. The second period is also devoid of Hellenistic influence, and is dateable within fifty years by means of inscriptions of Agrippa II, i. e. from 50 to circ. 100 a. d. The third period is represented by fragments of architectural details which were certainly executed in the second century after Christ. The three periods would then be roughly speaking, 

1st. from 50 b. c. to 50 A. d. ; 

2nd. from 50 a. d. to 106 a. d., when Arabia became a Roman province under Trajan; 

3rd. from 106 a. d. to the close of the reign of Caracalla in 217 a. d., which marks the end of this particular style in Syria.

There are no evidences of building activity in Si in the later style of the Roman period, or in Christian times; in fact, as we shall see later, the temples appear to have been the particular mark of early Christian violence, perhaps, as M. de Vogue suggests, owing to the activities of Herod and of the presence of inscriptions of that prince in the precinct. It is probable that the place has been deserted since the beginning of the fourth century.

Sources: 1 ,2 ,3 (colorized using playback)

[mayraki]

The Trained Assassin.

Spencer Reid series. Part 3.

Not my gif! Credits to the owner.

Summary: Life’s not easy when you found out that instead of being trained to be a spy for the CIA, you are being trained to be an assassin, a killer. The people you wanted to stop, they were making you one. That’s when you joined the BAU to become someone new, you didn’t want to be someone’s toy. You wanted your past to be arrased, that’s all. But it’s not easy to hide a past like that.

I just wanted to say thank you for all the love the last part got, I am so grateful for every like, reblog and comment you guys gave me! Thank you so much and I hope you guys are staying safe 💞

PART 2

“Trust?”

After the last case, you all went back the BAU and had the weekend off. But you didn’t enjoy it as much as you wanted.

All you could think was the look on your team when you took all those men alone.

“You saved five women, you saved five women” you said to yourself over and over again.

You did want to go back to the office Monday morning, but you didn’t want to get all those questions you were trying to avoid all those months on the BAU.

When you got to your desk, you couldn’t see anyone of the team around. That was strange.

You went to the meeting room... empty.

Where is everybody?

Since they were not in Hotch’s office or the kitchen, there was only one place left; Garcia’s office.

You walked fast to the room and once you could see the inside, you noticed that everyone, including Hotch and Gideon, was watching a video on Garcia’s computer. But you couldn’t see what it was.

When you got close enough that you could hear the noise, you heard a scream and you reconoced it immediately. It was the man you stabbed a couple of days ago. They were watching the camera footage from the workshop.

Damn it, Garcia. How did you find it?

“Fuck...” Emily said.

“I know...” Spencer let his left hand go over his face like he was trying to process what he just watched.

“Well, know we know who’s the most badass of the group. She’s like a 20/10” Garcia said.

“Did you all enjoy the movie?” You said for the fist time since you came into the room.

The whole team turned to you and all the eyes were on you.

“Sorry, y/n” Garcia said when she turned the video off.

You gave her a half smile and nodded “it’s ok. Do we have a meeting?”

“No, not yet” Gideon said and seconds after you got your response, you stormed out of the room.

“Y/n!” You heard Hotch yelled your name but you didn’t stop. You wanted to be alone and try to calm your anger down.

It’s not that you were angry at them, you were angry at yourself because you let all of this stuff get to you. You were used to things not bother you, you were trained like that. But for some reason all of this matter to you more than anything else you’ve worked with before. The team. Their opinion mattered to you.

“Y/n, they insisted that they wanted to see the video, it’s not...” Hotch said once he got to your side but you cut him off.

“Hotch, it’s ok, really. It’s not normal that a girl can take six men by herself. It’s normal that they have questions”

Hotch grabbed gently your arm and pulled you aside, making sure no one could hear him talk.

“I understand that is your decision if you want to tell them or not, but if you want them to trust and now after that video, treat you normally or like everyone else, your going to have to tell them.”

“Hotch, I don’t know” you said letting out a little sigh.

“I know that you are afraid that...”

“Don’t profile me, Hotch” I said looking at him in the eyes.

“I’m not, I’m just understanding what a friend is going through and I want to help her” your face relaxed once you heard the word ‘friend’ came out of Hotch’s mouth. He never called you a friend. “They are not going to treat you like a killer”

And he touched the wound that it was inside your brain. Since you joined the CIA, everyone treated you differently. Treated you like you were not important, or like a machine they could turn on when it was necessary. Never like an equal, never like someone smart, but some trained killer.

“They are not. I promise you that. Everyone has their past here”

“I know that.”

“We learned that what we were is not important. What is important is what we are right now. Believe me, they know that better than anyone in the CIA”

***

“Y/n, we are going to meet up at a bar tonight. Would you like to join us?” Emily asked you while you were reading an old case trying to get your paper work done.

You looked up at her and noticed her coat on her hand and her purse in her left shoulder, deducing she was just about to leave work.

“Sure” you gave her a half smile.

“Sweet. I’ll text you the details. See you tonight”

“See you” she started to walk towards the lift and you went back to your paper work.

You looked at the clock on your desk and noticed that two hours passed since everyone left work to go to their homes. You checked at your phone and read the text that Emily sent you an hour ago. If you wanted to get to the bar in time, you had to leave now.

“Are you going to the bar?” Spencer asked behind you and you turned around to see him.

“Spencer? I thought everyone went home” you said and started to pack up your things.

“Well, sometimes I stay late because I start to read a book and then time flys, and suddenly it’s 8 and... everything is dark.” He smiled and looked around.

“Is the book that good? It made you forget everything around you and time went flying. That is the meaning of a good book” you hanged your bag on your left shoulder after you put on your black jacket.

“That is a really cool jacket.” He said “it makes you look like a real... badass”

You let out a little laugh “you think?”

Oh, that’s one of the things that pretty boy Spencer was thinking right now. The way that jacket went around your arms making them look better than ever. He couldn’t help but look at the tight shirt you were wearing when you reached to grab an envelope that you had on your desk. The intrigue about who’s letter that was appeared on his head, was it a boyfriend? A family member? But who writes letters now a day?

“Are you going to the bar tonight?” You asked him once you started to walk towards the lift followed by Spencer.

“I don’t think so... are you?” He didn’t had plans on going since the next day was a work day, but he wanted to know if you were going. Something made him feel like if you were going, he’ll be delighted to go with you.

“Yeah, I think it would be good if I get out a little, you know. I didn’t do anything since I started the BAU” the lift came to your floor and both of you stepped inside.

“I think you’re right. Me neither. I’m going” he said faster than he ever said a sentence before. He cleared his throat and added “working on a job like this makes you forget to live a little” he bit his lower lip trying to hide the embarrassment he felt after talking like that.

“Oh, really? Great!” You felt a little more energetic about the fact that Spencer was going and when you noticed your recent feeling your heart did two beats faster than normal.

“Would you like to go with me? I drove here with my car, and if we want to get in time, we have to go now” Spencer asked hoping you would say yes.

“Yeah, sure” you said giving him a little smile.

***

“Would you like a beer?” Spencer asked you once you stepped inside the club and you nodded.

“I’m going to look for the rest of the team, I’ll save you a seat” he nodded in gratitude and went on separate ways.

“Hi beautiful lady!” Gracia greeted you once you made it to their table.

“Hi everyone!”

“Wait, you came straight from work?” Emily asked when she noticed that you had the same clothes.

“Yeah, Spencer and I got caught on some work. We came here together straight from the office” you said sitting down next to Emily and a free chair for Spencer.

“Wait,” Morgan said “you came here with Reid?”

“Yeah,” you nodded like it was nothing “He’s getting us some beers. Why?”

But before anyone could say anything, Spencer sat down next to you giving you the beer that he offered you to buy for you.

“How much?” You asked.

“Oh no, my treat” he said taking a sip of his beer.

“No, Spencer..”

“I won’t argue” he said with a smile on his face being more dominant than you’ve ever heard him be. And you kinda liked that.

***

“Ok, let’s play a game.” Garcia said.

“A game? What are we? Fifteen?” JJ said jokingly.

“C’mon! It’s going to be fun! It’s never have I ever”

“Oh, yes, that is a very mature game” Emily said laughing.

“They way we play it, yes, it is very mature” Garcia said with a smile. “The rules are simple, anyone says something, and if you did it, you drink. Ok, I’ll go first and I’ll go easy. Never have I ever kissed a stranger”

Everyone gave a sip of their drinks and Garcia applauded. “Excellent! We can going in a round so everyone can ask something. JJ, your turn”

“Does it have to be dirty or...”

“Yes, dirty JJ, it’s Wednesday night and we are at a club. We just got out of a serial killer case. It has to be” Garcia said.

“That doesn’t make any sense, but ok, never have I ever... had sex in a car”

Everyone drank but all the looks were in Spencer’s face. You joined at the team with the staring but couldn’t understand the meaning.

“You?” Morgan asked “having sex in a car?”

Yes, it was noticible that Spencer was the kind to be innocent, but I’ve learned over the couple of years, that the innocents are always the worst.

“Yeah, at least 90% of the population had sex on a car. C’mon!”

You laughed at his weird fact and Spencer looked and you while giving you a wink. You took it by surprise and wondered where this Spencer was all along.

“Never have I ever...” Emily said trying to think for something to say “Oh. I got it! Never have I ever screamed during sex”

Everyone looked at her with suprise but Garcia had a little smile on her face. “I like that!”

“What kind of sex are you having?” JJ asked. “And where can I get some?”

You laughed and watched Emily take a sip.

“You lucky woman” you said.

“Good in bed, but such an asshole” she said.

“Uh, those are the worst ones” Garcia said. “Next!” And she locked eyes with you.

“Oh, ok, never have I ever... slept with a stranger” Morgan drank.

“You nasty boy” Garcia said jokingly and Morgan laughed.

“Yeah, after working on a job where you investigate a lot of murderers and men being crazy, I don’t trust that easily anymore” JJ said.

“I have one” Spencer said “Never have I ever played strip poker”

Everyone drank and you felt the effects of the alcohol starting to affect your body.

“You played strip poker?” Morgan asked to Spencer “but you’re so good, tell me you played all the cards wrong so you could get a little bit of action”

Spencer let out a little laugh “Yeah, it was easier than I expected”

“My turn. Never have I ever took a nude” Morgan said and he took a sip.

“Really?” Garcia said “someone remaind me to hack his phone tomorrow”

Everyone laughed and Emily and JJ drank.

“What, really?” Morgan asked me.

“Nope, never” he sounded more shooked about the fact that you never took a nude than the boy next to me, who didn’t took a sip either.

“Never?”

“Never. You have to trust me in this one” you said.

“Oh, Yeah,” he said jokingly “she says trust, the girls who took down six men alone with no gun, something that requires a special set of skills and we have no idea where she got them...” there was fun on his voice, like he was joking and no trying to be serious at all. But the words hit you like a rock.

Hotch was right. They were never going to trust you.

“I’ll be right back” you said and stood up, walking towards the outside door.

You stood there with your arms around your body when the cold air caught your skin. The words Morgan said were going around your head on and on. It’s not like you knew everything about everyone’s past, but no one comes in and has the skills with no explanation. You had to be honest with yourself, if it was he other way around, you wouldn’t trust them either. The question appeared on your head; if you told them? Wouldn’t it be better?

“Are you ok?” Spencer asked when he got next to you.

“Yeah, it’s just... he’s right” you didn’t know how the words came out like it was nothing. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was something about Spencer that made you feel like you could talk to him and tell him all you life, you didn’t know, and you were a little bit afraid of that feeling, but you didn’t want it to go away either.

“You don’t own us any explanation y/n” Spencer said and noticed that you were feeling a little bit cold, so he got close to you. You didn’t moved away because deep down you felt grateful that he did that.

“It’s not about owning anything, it’s about...” you couldn’t think of a way of explaining it.

“About what?”

You took a second to find the correct words.

“I feel like, if the team doesn’t trust me, I won’t be able to trust them too” you said finally and Spencer put his hand on your shoulder.

“We do trust you. You have to give it time”

You looked at him in the eyes, with the deep look that you always used when you were in a interrogation. You wanted him to tell you the truth, and that was not it.

“And you’re going to tell me that you’ve never felt a little curios about it?” You got closer to him and felt his sweater touched your hands while they were around your chest. “Spencer, if I want this to work, i have to talk about it”

He took a second to respond, without breaking eye contact with you. “It seems like you need to talk about it, y/n”

You unintentionally looked at his lips and noticed that they were relaxed, but his body said otherwise. His fingers were tense, touching each other like they were trying to stay worm, his breathing was heavy and you went up to his eyes.

You two noticed the tension. Spencer felt like all he wanted to do was to hug you and cure everything that was bothering you. He wanted to keep talking to you all night long. They wey that your lips tensed when he said that last sentence made him look down at them. They were a beautiful shade of pink. He couldn’t notice much detail in them because it was dark, but he did noticed one thing, he wanted to taste them. He wanted to kiss you.

Both of you wanted the same thing, but couldn’t find the courage to do it. The time that you were there felt like ages, making each other feel comfortable. But in reality, just a couple of seconds passed.

“Guys” JJ said “I got a call, we have to be on the office as fast as we can”

PART 4

[downwiththeficness]

A Need So Great Chapter 20

Summary: Eva Moore is assigned to work the last year of her contract with the DEA in Colombia. She just wants to get to the end of her tenure, but she keeps getting drawn further into a string of murders in the city. It isn’t long before she’s forced to face the ghosts of her past.

Word Count:~2,000

Warnings: None

A/N: For the purposes of this story, Carrillo isn’t married--or, if you like, divorced. A/B/O dynamics are prevalent, and they come with their own warning. The overall rating for this story is Explicit, although not every chapter will contain adult themes.

Taglist: @dirtynerdy98 @1zashreena1 @heresathreebee @deliciouslyclassytrash @maybege @kid-from-new-zealand @clydesducktape @revolution-starter @autumnleaves1991-blog @jedi-mando @buckysalefty @anaeve @maouzon

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8.5, 9, 10, 10.5, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 21

Eva did her very best not to fidget. She’d been in this building before, though not on this particular floor. The unfamiliar location coupled with having never laying eyes on the person she was meeting with made her anxious. And, when she was anxious, she felt herself begin to fidget. She was sitting in the lobby, one high heeled foot bouncing over her crossed knee. The décor was taupe, which she heard could be very soothing. It did not soothe Eva.

A hand landed on her knee, warm and heavy, stopping her movement.  She looked over at Horacio, breathing deeply. His scent—that was what would soothe her.  She wondered if it would be acceptable to lean over in her chair and bury her nose in his neck. He’d probably take it in stride, but she feared the displeased looks from the others in the lobby. She’d had enough judgmental stares to last her a lifetime.  There was no need to add to them.

Eventually, they were called back and led to a sterile office not far down the hall.  The assistant ushered them to their seats and asked if they needed anything, an offer that was turned down.  A few moments later, a man walked in hurriedly.  He was dressed in a gray suit that was a little too big for him, a striped tie flapping with each step.  Middle aged, hair silver enough to tell her that he’d started graying early, though he had a good hairline that was only just now beginning to recede. His belt didn’t match his shoes.

“I apologize for the delay, I was caught in a meeting that went a little long,” he said in that warm Southern drawl that Eva had completely forgotten existed. As he sat and picked up a pen, he continued, “I’m agent Richardson.”

Eva introduced herself and Horacio, smiling as congenially as she could. A firm grasp of her body kept her from bouncing her leg, but she did stutter a little. It had been a long time since she’d felt so utterly exposed.

“Agent Peña said that you’ve got evidence that could helpful in my investigation?”

Eva gave a stilted nod, scratching at the skin above her brow, “I do.”

Hands turning up in question, he prompted, “And?”

She hesitated. Everything that had been ingrained in her from an early age rebelled against talking with a federal agent, no matter how long she’d been working with them.

He noted her reluctance, “You’ve signed the immunity agreement. Anything you say here can’t be held against you, as long as you cooperate.”

Eva looked away, swallowing back the fear of going back to prison. She’d talked with Horacio about it on the flight over. He’d listened intently to her distrust of the government, had held her hand when she started to cry. And then, when her tears were dry, he assured her that, if push came to shove, he’d smuggle her out of the country. The contingency plan was already mostly formed. They’d packed lightly, and he had a set of forged passports sewn into his carry on.

“Ardent Pharmaceuticals,” she began. “I created their tax system, I initiated all their LLC licenses as of fifteen years ago. They have holdings in at least three off shore accounts, I can provide you with those account numbers and with the banks they’re associated with.”

Agent Richardson’s face was very still, Eva wasn’t sure that he was even breathing. After a moment, he said, “You’re confident you can get me that information.”

Eva licked her lips, pausing only a moment, “Yes. I can do that.”

He blinked, rolling the pen between his fingers, “Alright.  Let’s get started.”

When they were walking out of the building, Eva’s heels clicking on the pavement, Horacio took her hand. Their hotel was maybe a few blocks away and the weather was pleasant for the time of year. A cool breeze rustled her hair, the smell of street food coming along with it. This was nice. Really nice.

She felt a kind of heavy relief flow out of her body, the muscles of her neck and shoulders loosening with every step. It might come back and bite her in the ass, but she’d done the right thing.  She knew it, deep down.

Horacio transferred her hand to the other side, his now free arm wrapping around her middle.  Their stride slowed a little. Eva didn’t mind at all.

“I love this skirt, you know?” he murmured, the pads of his fingers running along the waistband.

She remembered him telling her how much he loved this skirt the first night they’d slept together. Dreams, he’d said.  Eva smiled, leaning into him.

“I do know,” she replied easily, not even bothering to hide the affection in her gaze.

He kissed her temple, leading her through the doors of the hotel. The air conditioning blew at her, a sharp contrast to the soft wind outside. She shivered despite Horacio’s warmth around her. He noticed, the arm at her waist rising up to encircle her shoulders. She touched his fingers briefly while they waited for the elevator.

“I’m proud of you.”

She looked up at him, “Why?”

He shrugged, “It wasn’t easy for you to go through all of that. We were in there for three hours, Eva. You dredged up every detail of your work to hide your in laws’ criminal activity like it was… nothing.”

Lips parting, she felt her brows come together, “Because it was nothing.”

The doors to the elevator opened and he ushered her inside. Tapping the button to their floor, he shot her a look that said he expected a further explanation. Eva chuckled, leaning back against the railing.

“This year has been...fantastic,” she started, eyes on the dusty ceiling of the carriage. “I never could have thought that I’d end up here, with you.”

A ding sounded and Eva walked ahead of Horacio, pulling him willingly along by the hand, “All those things I talked about, I’ve spent years working through them. I still think about it, yeah, and I still have to work on it. But, what that was in there? That was simple math. I need them to be so tied up legally that they don’t have the capital to pay another hitman. And, I needed to get a little vengeance—more vengeance—than I already had.”

Horacio keyed into their room, tossing the key onto the table near the door.  Eva followed him, sitting on the bed to remove her shoes. Though they were comfortable, a few blocks’ walk had earned her some relief. She rubbed at the arch of her foot with her thumb.

Sitting next to her, he took her hand again, gazing carefully at her expression, “Its not your job to take down their entire enterprise.”

The steadiness of his gaze, the sincerity of his expression, was amusing. He had already made her out to be a little bit of a martyr, which was pretty much the opposite of what was happening.

Eva rolled her eyes, “I have no aspirations of that. I just want to make a little trouble.”

More than a little trouble.  She wanted to breakdown their ability to make moves the way they had been doing for so long.  She wanted them utterly impotent for the foreseeable future.

His smile reached his eyes, the corners crinkling, “I think you’ve achieved that.”

Not yet, she hadn’t.  There was still the matter of the fallout and Eva did not trust in the effectiveness of the American government. She would have to watch from the sidelines as they worked—or, didn’t work. Either way. Eva very much wanted it to work.

“I’ll admit that it would be nice to see Myra in one of those prison jumpsuits.”

Thumb rubbing at her palm, Horacio seemed to be trying to picture it, “When it happens, I’ll see if I can get someone to take a picture, for posterity’s sake.”

He sat another moment longer, and Eva could tell that he had something to say and was trying to find the words.  She lifted a brow, in silent invitation.

Pulling his lips between his teeth, he was quiet another moment before his hand tightened on hers, “I put in my resignation.”

Shocked, Eva could only say, “When?”

“Before we left.”

“Why?”

He blinked, head cocking to the side, “Because you were right. Because I’ll be dead very soon if I keep on doing this.”

It took about thirty seconds for Eva to get her mind about what he’d just said. In those thirty seconds, she made a few decisions, and maybe fell in love just a little bit more. They would have to take a detour before they got to the airport.

“What are you going to do next?”

His work was his entire life, it consumed almost every waking minute.  The man probably made plans to arrest dealers in his sleep.

He shrugged, “I’ve got some loose ends I need to tie up, and then I thought we could make the decision together.”

Her jaw dropped a bit.  He wanted to make plans. Together. He wanted to make plans—plans for the future—with her. Plans they could enact. Plans that didn’t involve looking over their shoulder for the rest of their lives.  

Eva leaned over and kissed him, sniffing back the tears that threatened.  Really, she hadn’t cried this much since the first year of her marriage. Happy tears, though, were always welcome.

In the cab the next day, Eva prompted the driver to pull off the highway a few exits early. When Horacio asked what they were doing, she simply smiled and patted his arm. The neighborhood she directed the driver to was...an acquired taste. The building that they stopped in front of was decrepit, nearly falling apart on its foundation. The place had once been the office of the mausoleum next door, but had fallen into disrepair when another office had been built on the other side. She was surprised the roof hadn’t completely caved in.

“Is this...safe?” he asked, eyes looking over the building skeptically.

Eva smiled again, unbearably amused at his choice of words, “Safe is one way to put it.”

She walked ahead of him, moving through the first floor to the back room. It was small, and part of the floorboards were missing.  She had to hop from joist to joist to get to the cold air return vent. The years had taken a toll on the bones of the place, leaving the hinges off center. It took several grunting yanks to get the cover free so that she could reach into the vent and pull the bag free.  

Covered in dust, but still whole, the black fabric was thin in some places from use.  She’d had the thing since middle school, her name embroidered on one side. Evangeline, written in white thread that had turned yellow over the years. With shaking fingers, she traced the letters. It was the only thing she had from before she was married, everything else given up somewhere along the way. This, she was definitely holding onto.

“What is it?” Horacio asked from the door, his eyes scanning the room, mouth thin.

Eva looked up at him, “My retirement plan.”

Hopping across the joists towards him, she made her way to one of the few stable points in the front room, dropping the bag carefully. On one knee, she opened the zipper, spreading the fabric wide. Inside was every dollar she could skim from the till, about a hundred thousand in total.

Horacio was standing next to her, looking down at the stacks with pride in his eyes, “I knew you were smart.”

Glancing at him from behind her lashes, Eva grinned, “I’m practical.”

He chuckled, “Same thing.”

Zipping the bag back up, Eva swung it over her shoulder, “Needless to say, this will be my carry on.”

He quirked a brow at her, amused, “Is that all you have hidden?”

“Here, at least.”

There was another couple of bags hidden here and there, none with nearly this much in them.  She would have to make plans to touch base in those locations before they finalized their...Eva paused a moment. They had plans, or they would.

She smiled, “This is enough for now, I think.”

He held out his hand to her, “Then, we should go.  The meter’s running.”

[lollybliz]

bout to make a Monster of a fic rec post here we go

heyo @jinx108! We’ll start with the complete ones because sometimes you’re just not in the mood to wait for the last chapter, you know? I don't remember details of all of these so i’m just going to copy the author’s summary rather than write my own. I am literally just going through my bookmarks, I got 400 of these to sort through. if ive talked to or am familiar with the author im gonna mention them, but if I mention you and you don't want me to have Please tell me and i’ll remove it.

If you’re not into spoilers Please Tread Carefully, I don't watch out for that stuff so I wont know to label it

1>Crushing Truth by Bunzuku: Tododeku. “Romance is hard enough for a teenager to understand when they have a good relationship role model. For Shoto, it takes two excited meddlers for him to even realize what his feelings really are.“

2>Disowned by b00mgh: tododeku + others. Unrated, some traumatic elements. “Shouto freaks out under a bridge and I use the word "grass" a lot more than I really should. Izuku does his stupid martyr thing and everyone makes continuous references to his propensity to break his bones. Aizawa goes "oh FUCK my kids are dying again" and his students use him as emotional (and physical) support. A friend requests angst, I say what kind, she say idk make someone get disowned and i say oh this I can absolutely provide my good buddy.”

3>cotton candy hands by @chonideno: Kiribaku. I will take Any excuse to rec this fic, its the most fluffy pile of feels Good Lord. also the first fic I ever bound into a physical book. “Studying to become a hero requires knowing how to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need help on the way so if your crush offers to do your hair for you or to give you a well-deserved back rub, it'd be stupid to say no. A series of soft vignettes in which a love-struck Kirishima and a touch-starved Bakugou care for each other and it's definitely not making their hearts jump through hoops, they’re never this close to kissing, no, they're totally best friends bro“

4>Catching Sight of the Storm by neo7v: Kiribaku, tododeku. A considerable amount of Whump and related angst, and kinda sad tbh. “Blind. Quirkless. Useless.The first two things were stated clearly by the doctor that sat about five feet in front of Izuku. The third was a word that Kacchan called him everytime he failed to make the jump on whatever forest excursion they were on or when he ran into a tree because he hadn’t seen it. “I’m so, so sorry, Izuku.” Was his mom giving up on him already? But he could still be a hero if he tried hard enough, right? Quirkless or not. Blind or not. Just because Izuku was useless now didn’t mean he would stay that way forever, right? *** A Blind!Izuku AU”

5>Yell Heah by fakecharliebrown: Chatfic. M a n y pairings. technically complete, but part of an ongoing series. “Iida creates a group-chat for Class 1-A. It doesn't go as planned.“

6>Sunshine by Rosey_Note: BIG SAD. tw- failed suicide attempt. KiriKamiBaku. “They didn't deserve to put up with his crappy mood. Because Denki Kaminari did not feel like Sunshine right now. And they deserved sunshine. In fact, Denki didn't feel much of anything right now.“

7>Electric Connection by  Onlymostydead: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk has always had... Weird side affects. Like his ADHD. And his constant energy. And his insomnia, which wouldn't leave him be right now, when he really needed to just get some sleep. But, thankfully, he has good friends.“

8>The Best (The Worst) by Onlymostydead: no romantic pairing. tw- rampant transphobia, both outside and internalized. “Bakugou Katsuki has known who he was since he was four years old. He was a boy, it was as simple as that. Around his friends, at school... But things couldn't just be that simple, could they?“

9>Lichtenberg Figures by Q_loves_you: no definite romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki has a very powerful force of nature running through his body. Kaminari Denki doesn't want to hurt anybody. He doesn't always get what he wants, and "anybody" does generally include himself.“

10>Eventuality by KikaTouka: ill be honest I don't remember this one at all, I maaaay not have read it yet :/. anyway. ShinKami. “Shinsou learns more than just hero lessons after being transferred to 1-A.“

11>Pickup Lines for the Soul by MustardSoup: ShinKami. “Denki is twelve when he is flicking through the TV channels and lands on an old RomCom movie about soulmate marks – specifically the same type that he has. “I can’t believe I’ve had to walk around with a cheap pickup line written on my ankle my entire life because of you!” The leading lady yells at the leading man as he stares at her in awe. Denki laughs. “Oh no.” His mother says, watching him. “Oh no, indeed.” His sister repeats quietly.“

12>caught in my own web by @anxioussailorsoldier: ShinKami. “Shinsou needs some help after getting caught up in his capture weapon. Kaminari enters from stage left.“

13>not so summer love by nataliya: ShinKami. “Class 2-B’s common room, although typically quiet, was currently filled with five students—three slowly giving up on homework, one bitching about noise and another that rushes through the front door. “We’ve been waiting for you—” Mina starts, but Kaminari’s vaulting over the back of the couch, eyes wide as he practically buzzes out of his skin, emitting light like crazy as currents dazzle across strands of hair. “I have a big ugly crush,” He steps off the couch and onto the coffee table, much to Bakugou’s chagrin, “On big ugly Shinsou.””

14>Blamed by coldandhotsoba: ShinKami. Tw- they fuckin kill a guy and its a lil nasty. “This was not how the day was supposed to end. They were supposed to end the day like they do most nights.  Kaminari clutching onto him like a koala as he slept, wrapped in the millions of tacky blankets Kaminari had bought. Warm and safe in their bed. It was not supposed to end with both of them tied up in some cold metal room.“

15>Lightning Scars by Present-Mics-Scream (write_your_way_out): Shinkami. “It's hard to be confident in your abilities when you're surrounded by people with incredible quirks. Shinsou Hitoshi would know better than anyone. Sure, he was admitted to the hero course in his second year, but being admitted to the hero course, and keeping up with the rest of the class are two different things. Lucky for him, Kaminari is there to prove that the flashiest quirks come with the largest drawbacks.“

16>See No Evil, Hear No Evil by randomfan188: no romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki is legally blind. When he forgets to wear his contacts and breaks down during math class, comfort appears in the strangest of ways.“

17>how not to enjoy the weather, an article by kaminari denki by dreamtowns: no defined romantic pairing. “If there was one thing Kaminari hated the most in a world wth villains, it would have to be thunderstorms.“

18>”Studying” by emmyrox22: ShinKami, EraserMic. “Shinsou and Kaminari have been “studying” together for a while (but not for school). Shinsou gets stopped by his dads on the way to another “study” session and mistakes are made“

19>Weaknesses by sunflowerstorm: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk and storms compliment each other in the worst way, but he's convinced he can deal with it on his own... until he really can't any longer. When Shinsou accidentally overhears Aizawa confronting Kaminari about recent changes in behaviour and hears about the hell his quirks been putting him through, he can't just pretend he never heard. He wants to help.“

20>it’s hurt denki hours by memeingfultrash: ShinKami + others. ““Certain members of our class are...under the impression that...you’re the traitor.” Denki’s body went cold and felt like he was going to short circuit. ~some of class 1a believes that denki is the traitor and avoid him”

21>Petition to replace Mineta with Shinsou- (signed by Kaminari Denki) by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami + others. This is one of my favorites, I go back to reread it from time to time. It SAYS 41/42, but that's just a glitch cus chapter 36 doesn't exist for some reason, I talked to the author about it and its fine. “Mineta brings shame to the color purple. You know who does not bring shame to the rich color, but pride and sexual tension to one infatuated Kaminari Denki instead? Shinsou Hitoshi, aka sexy zombie man, aka the most perfect hunk of a man to walk planet earth, aka future husband. Shinsou has finally gotten his chance to prove himself to the hero course, and he did more than prove himself. The only question left unanswered is whether he will start in A or B, and how Kaminari can manipulate the end result.“

22>How to Get a Boyfriend (in Four Easy Steps!) by e1ana: ShinKami, EraserMic, + others. “Step 1: Get kicked out of the house by your homophobic parents. Step 2: Run headfirst into your brooding, mysterious crush. Step 3: Sleep in his dad’s (see: your homeroom teacher) house Step 4: Watch everything you thought you knew go to shit. This isn’t exactly the sweet, romantic plan that Kaminari Denki longed for. Will everything be ok, or will step 5 be to crash and burn?“

23>Bakugou and Todoroki’s Foolproof 5-Step Plan to Fuck with Mineta Minoru by Anubis_2701: Kiribaku, TodoDeku, + others. This is another one of my favorites, and the one I am currently folding and sewing into a physical book. you learn how to do funny things when bored and quarantined ig. “It was a simple enough idea; screw around with the resident bastard of Class 1-A to let him know that his medieval ways and perverted behaviour weren't going to be tolerated by even the most career-focused of UA's students. To say that things had snowballed was an understatement. Todoroki had no idea how he had ended up sitting on Bakugou's floor at 1 am, holding a dossier of incriminating material that would make the FBI slobber, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The long and short of it was, fuck Mineta.”

24>Colour Theory by chancellorxofxtrash: TodoBakuDeku. this one’s a series. “Midoriya/Bakugo/Todoroki slow burn soulmate AU. All three of them are nerds with their own emotional issues, trying to navigate their way through becoming heroes, and their own relationship with each other.“

25>Summer Sunshine by Mara97: TodoDeku. Ever want a Barbie in a mermaid tale/Bnha crossover? No? well here you go anyway! “Instead of worrying about college, Izuku spends his summer vacation finding out his father is, supposedly, a dead merman king and going on a quest to dethrone the current king, Endeavor. Along the way, Izuku becomes close to the three journeying with him, makes friends with strangers, starts crushing on an unattainable prince, and, in the end, learns to love himself. Oh, and he saves a kingdom, too.“

26>The snowflakes on our skin and the flames in our soul are one (and the same), my love by missunderstuffyou: TodoDeku, Kiribaku. this is one of the ones I keep a running reread comment going on. its at,,, 6, atm.  “Before your quirk begins to present itself, the soulmate link comes through, and suddenly whatever you write upon your own skin appears on the body of your soulmate. As your soulmate writes to you, the emotions they feel follow through the ink.Izuku Midoriya is four years and a few months old when he first feels the slight ebbing in his arms. It doesn’t hurt… he can just feel something, and it’s enough to make him sprint into his mother’s arms screaming that his quirk is coming. She had been washing in the kitchen, and the sudden screech as her son rockets into her side is enough to make her jump with panic, immediately grabbing at him and looking for cuts and bumps before she understands his words and the stupidly bright, alight smile on his face with large, watery, hopeful eyes. Shoto Todoroki doesn’t feel his soulmate connection open up. It is drowned in the aches of a small body worked far too hard.“

27>It was dark inside the closet by Chad_Champion69420: Pre-ShinDeku? maybe? its tagged shindeku but like. it’ll make sense if you read it. “Midoriya is invited to a party. He and Shinsou decide to play a little trick on the rest of the party during Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

28>how to woo your local trash gremlin: a comprehensive guide by Todoroki shouto by wonhaebunny: TodoBaku. this is the fic that dragged me into todobaku, fun fact. “five times shouto tries to confess to bakugou, and one time he doesn't bother tryingaka: wikihow is a scam and bakugou is a terrible, terrible boy“

29>top ten photos taken right before disaster by Shookspeare: ShinDeku. “Izuku participates in a harmless prank, only to end up ruining it and running for dear life.“

30>Secrets to Share by pechebaie: no definite romantic pairing. “Kirishima comes out first, and nothing changes. Kirishima and Kaminari still hang out to complain about class and talk about boys - and sometimes girls, too, in Kaminari’s case; he still plans stupid pranks with Sero that get them sent to the principal’s or nurse’s office every time; Ashido still kicks his ass at Mario Kart without hesitation; and Bakugou doesn’t get angry at him any more than he usually does.“

31>What One Hides by Pinalinet: TodoDeku. “All Might gives class 1-A an unusual assignment that results in Midoriya Izuku and Todoroki Shouto attending a weekly acting class. But with a mysterious villain targeting individuals without Quirks, and a developing issue of Todoroki's own, an after-school assignment is the least of their worries.“

32>whether or not we’re fated, we’re meant to be by juurensha: KINDA SPOILERY. TodoDeku + others. “Todoroki didn’t have a soulmark for most of his life.His siblings all did, but up until the day of the U.A. entrance exam, he had shoved the idea aside. It’s not like they could help him anyway. And then a 9 appears on his chest, and a green-haired boy barrels into his life with a fire and ice soulmark on his arms, and suddenly Todoroki cares very much about all this could mean.”

33>The Midnight Shift by meiishu @meiishu @totallytodoroki (idk which you’d rather I attach so I went with both): ShinKami. ““Hey Toshi,” Denki says, and he laughs, clearly embarrassed. He’s got on a jean jacket that did him absolutely no help and a white tee shirt that is currently stuck to his torso. It’s got a pikachu design in the center. “By any chance, do you sell umbrellas?” “You really went out in this weather.” Hitoshi deadpans, instead of dignifying that with an answer. or hitoshi works the midnight shift at the gas station, which also doubles as a pokestop for pokemon go. of course, denki is a regular.”

34>Rock the House by AkabaneKayo: ShinKami. “It wasn’t just his bed. It was his entire fucking room shaking. Only one thought crossed his mind at that moment: “Holy shit. My room is haunted.”“

35>Technically, they’re morning kisses by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami. “Most nights, Shinsou cannot fall sleep. Neither can Kaminari. It seems counterproductive to have a sleepover then, but they try to make it work. And they fail, but that is okay.“

36>someone to call mine by nearly_theyre: ShinKami, EraserMic “From: Me wish you were here, denks From: kitten 💛💘💛 what if i was tho? OR Four times Denki snuck into Hitoshi's room and one time he walked through the front door.“

37>Pretty by Onlymostydead (noticing some repeat authors? me too): no definite romantic pairing. “(Or, Kaminari still can't figure out bra clasps.) Kaminari has never really felt good about himself. Herself? Whichever way, not knowing doesn't make anything easier. Especially when he (she?) and Mina have their bodies swapped during training, and everything seems too right.“

38>If I offer you my hand, will you take it? by bleukitsune: Kiribaku. SPOILERY. ““Why?” Kirishima leaned back on his hands, trying to create some space between them. Too close. The ash-blond looked really nervous, his usually arrogant and cunning demeanor gone. “What do you see when you look at me? Kirishima is worried. Bakugou is hurting. After his confrontation with Midoriya, he finally reaches out to him. “

Theres way more but I haven't tagged them properly yet so that m a y come later if I can ever finish going through and adding my sorting tags.

and then a last few that Are Not Complete but im really very fond of them. not as many as id like to add, but my hands are getting tired tbh.

39>State of Mind by GuardianOfTheLoaf: no relationship YET but its looking like it’ll be either tododeku or shindeku, probably the former. EraserMic. tw- childhood neglect and severe depression. Izuku’s not a happy kid. “Izuku was a late bloomer, his quirk lying dormant until his tenth birthday when in a fit of emotion he grabs his mother and she disappears. With All Might slowly restoring his confidence Izuku begins the difficult journey into becoming a hero.“ 18/? chapters.

40>Izuku Eats His Problems by CosmicAce: ShinDeku. Izuku’s a flerkin, what more could you want? “His whole life, Izuku Midoriya was taught to keep his powers, his Quirk, hidden from the world. His kind were feared, hunted to near extinction because of it. He just wants to show people he’s different. That he can be a HERO. And nothing is going to stop him. Even if his Quirk IS like an eldritch abomination.“ 43/? chapters

and then probably my current favorite bnha fic- although it fights with Apertum Mortem for that spot but that ones d a r k and not here-

41>family of the year by periiwren: EraserMic. “Hitoshi is done. Done with moving around every few months to a couple that will scrutinize him and eventually dump him right back where he started. Good thing he’s well past his strike limit now- at least he can stay in one place, be content to age out of the system and finish out his training with Aizawa. Maybe transfer into the hero course, maybe be a hero- but none of that was guaranteed. The only thing for sure was that he was going to stay in that center for the rest of his childhood. Or so he thought- because Aizawa Shouta and Yamada Hizashi have other plans.“ 24/? chapters. we’ve been informed that this one’s gonne be l o n g and im Very Grateful.

42>Here There Be Dragons by here_and_there: pre-ShinDeku. “Izuku looked at the small circle Aizawa had motioned to in front of them. "I won't fit," he whispered, thinking. He raised his hand, tentatively. Sighing, Aizawa grumbled, "What?" "I-I have a question. Actually, two." His teacher just stared at him, unimpressed. Izuku continued. "Can we activate our quirks before we step into the ring?" Aizawa looked up into the sky, muttering something Izuku didn't hear. "If you must." "O-Okay. Uh, second question. You said we have to stay inside the circle, right?" "Yes." The man looked disappointed, not only in Izuku but in himself for letting the kid speak. "Great. Uh... does that include tails?"“ 6/? chapters.

43>Another Option by sandersonsister: TodoBakuDeku, Touya/Hawks, Dabi/Hawks. Potentially Spoilery, depends on whether horikoshi has the guts to confirm Touya. this one is waiting around the corner with a baseball bat, its really cute, and then r e a l l y painful. it might be getting better though. maybe. it might be getting worse. “When Touya stops his mother from hurting Shouto, he decides enough is enough. He needs to get out of this house and he's taking his baby brother with him.“ 33/? chapters.

That's it i’m done for now, oof. maybe ill edit more onto this post later, maybe i’ll just make another one. hope some of these work!

[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

Forbidden Notes: Hugo x Fem!Jewish!Reader

TW: Gestapo/holocaust

@owba-chan @war-obsessed @inglourious-imagines @tealaquinn @struggling-bee @frozenhuntress67 @kwyloz @sodapop182 @marlenemarauders @what-the--curtains @taikawho Let me know if you wanna be added to the IB or OUATIH taglists! :)  

Requested by @kabutosfatcock ____________ You and Hugo were married, and since he was not Jewish, your marriage would have been considered 'privileged,' but, you did not go down without a fight. You were marked as a political criminal instead, associated with rebels since 1933. You'd been outspoken. You'd been loud. If you hadn't been, you might have been safe now, on account of being married to one Hugo Stiglitz. But you couldn't abide by that silence. Silence, you knew, could kill just as much as loose lips could. And for the lives you'd saved, you were targeted. You were on wanted lists. And, you had been, for quite a long time. 

1943

You’d ‘disappeared’ some time ago. Only two people knew where you really were. Hugo was one, of course. The other was a close friend of his named Matz. Hugo had been arrested for killing 13 gestapo officers. Your home was raided. Only Hugo's knives and guns were found. In such an event, Matz was supposed to make sure you got away in case things went wrong for Hugo. Whether Matz got there in time, Hugo didn't know. He could only hope you found a safe place to hide. No matter what they did to Hugo as they interrogated and tortured him, he never said a word that would hint anything about your whereabouts. He gasped for air, watching through weary eyes as his blood spilled onto the floor, and orders and questions were drilled into his ringing ears. None of that mattered. Not a lash, not a drop of his own blood mattered to him. He took every beating, every scream, and every moment of torture, without saying a word that could be used against you. You were his wife, and he loved you with all his heart.

A file was thrown at Hugo, as another gestapo officer walked in, "You sent a few boxes to America, two years ago, Hugo. Any particular reason?" He lied again, and said something about an aunt who'd moved to Chicago about 20 years earlier, being down on her luck. All he'd sent were some spare clothes, things she might need. He was beaten again, and left face down, on a red splattered concrete floor. The truth was this: Two years earlier, you and Hugo saw where things were heading. Germany was no longer safe, and Hugo wasn't willing to wait. He'd sent a trunk of the bare essentials. Photographs, documents, mementos...things any young, newly wed couple would wish to keep. He sent these things away to his aunt, who really had been living in Chicago for 20 years or so...but Hugo had planned to sneak you out of Germany, after hiding for a year. Time had not been kind, and fate had been cruel. You had to go into hiding in your own home, and Hugo had to build a whole charade around your disappearance over two year's time, making it seem as you'd really gone away. The officer kicked Hugo over. He lay there, his eyes heavy, sleep deprivation and pain turning his vision hazy as he looked up at the bright lamps. The officer grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up, muttering, "Tell us what we want to know, and we'll go easy on you. We send you off to Berlin, and it'll all be over, like this-" He snapped his fingers, signaling a path to a quick, relatively less painful way to die. Hugo grew enraged at the very idea: Getting an easy way out in exchange for your life? Never. He spat blood into the nazi's eye. The nazi dropped Hugo in disdain, cursing, as he wiped blood away from his eyes. "If you do, Y/n will be spared." "Y/n goes free..." Hugo had lost so much blood and so much hope, he believed them for a moment. But he saw the scowls and heard the cackles. He went numb, realizing he'd just blown your cover. He'd just confirmed you never left Germany at all. The officer  turned to the guards, with a pleased smirk, "Search the house again." "We haven't found anything." "Then burn it down." Hugo scraped together what little strength he had left, and lashed out, taking down two of the guards. But it wasn't enough. They already had what they wanted: a death sentence for Hugo in Berlin, and confirmation that you were still somewhere in your home. Hugo was taken to a cell, and would be moved to Berlin in the morning.

Hugo knew even if he escaped, he would quickly be caught again. Even so, he couldn't get far. His only hope was that his friend, Matz, would get to you in time. Even then, Hugo blamed himself for it all. He knew he was nothing without you by his side. The worst part was he had no answers, and he'd die not knowing if you got away in time. But, one answer came up, moments later as shots were fired down the prison halls. He initially didn't care to glance up. Whatever was coming didn't concern him, he was sure. But he was wrong. Nine basterds stood before his cells. One stepped forward, asking if he wanted to go pro in the nazi killing business. His mind was on one thing, and one thing only: You. He could do more for the world by hunting nazis than he could as a dead man...and if he could do it all for you, he would. A simple, silent nod sealed Hugo's fate. Another year passed since then.

The basterds were deep behind enemy lines, somewhere in the  French wilderness at the moment, tracking and hunting down every nazi patrol that they could. One patrol in particular that they caught caused Hugo to snap. He recognized one of the faces. "You." Hugo marched over to the man he'd known all his life: Matz. Matz, a childhood friend. Matz, the closest thing Hugo had to a brother most of his life. Matz, the only one who knew Hugo's secrets: He wasn't a real nazi. And you had never left home. There he was, an enlisted officer now. Matz, now a nazi. Blood on his hands. Matz knew there was no saving himself, because he knew Hugo. And he knew Hugo loved you more than life itself. So he admitted all he had to: "It was her life or mine." Matz seethed, not an ounce of regret in his eyes, as Hugo approached with a bloodthirsty glare. Hugo beat him relentlessly, demanding answers. Demanding to know where you were, what exactly happened that night. Matz' nose was broken, his eyes were black and swollen, and some of his teeth were littered on the ground. Blood poured from his nose and mouth as he sobbed, "ICH WEISS ES NICHT." "I DON'T KNOW" Hugo didn't believe a word Matz said. None of the other basterds asked any questions. They didn't even ask Wicki to translate. They just watched in awe, realizing Hugo was only beginning. He took out his knives, searching for the answers he couldn't get from Matz. But, by the time Hugo was done, the knives were drenched, and blunt, and Matz was no more. Aldo left no survivors that night. Hugo didn't ask for that, but Aldo was sure it was for the best. Whatever had happened, Aldo did it out of respect.

Hugo sat off on his own that night, quietly, as though nothing had happened, as he sharpened his knives. He lit a cigarette, and glanced at the sky. No one ever knew quite what he was thinking, and though sometimes it was an advantage for him...sometimes it was quite lonely. Especially when he remembered the only one who could tell what he was thinking all the time was you. He felt alone. Angry. Resenting himself, he again ran through all the things he could have done to save you, and inevitably tormented himself with the ceaseless thoughts of what could have happened to you, wondering if he'd ever really know. It was all too much, as he struck down his knife, lodging it into the tree stump he was sitting on.

The rest of the basterds were far enough in the distance where he couldn't hear them, and they couldn't see he was a little more wired than usual. "So....what was that about..." Smitty took a  piece of chocolate before passing the bar down to Omar. Hirschberg shrugged as he then took the chocolate from Omar, "I don't speak German or nothin'...but I'm pretty sure I heard them both sayin' "Y/n" about a thousand times. It's a name, ain't it?" WIcki sighed, having heard the story from Hugo himself, months ago. "His wife." "Hugo's married?" "How does a man with the conversational skills of a rock get that far with a woman?" "You're serious, Wicki?" Wicki nodded, "Her name was Y/n. She was Jewish." Donny noted Wicki said 'was.' Past tense... Donny glanced briefly at Hugo, who was but a shadowy figure in the distance. He turned back, and looked down with a shade of empathy, though his grip around his bat tightened as he glanced at the names on the bat, murmuring, "Y/n...Hugo's wife..." Wicki didn't say anything else. Frankly, that was all he had to say for the basterds to understand a whole new side of Hugo. Well... to understand the side of Hugo they knew. No one ever asked any question about it again. How could they? How could they blame him? They didn't know anything other than your name, but were certain he loved you. And...not a moment went by in his days that he didn't think of you. This day especially. He sat there, on the tree stump, burning through his cigarette, he lit another one, without a sound aside from the clink from the lighter. As he put it back into his chest pocket, his thumb brushed against a small scrap of paper. He sighed with a heavy heart, knowing that paper by memory. Every crease, every tear, every single word, and a tiny blot from a stray raindrop. He could remember the phone number written on the back of the sub. Every curve and line of every number permanently etched into his memory, He knew every last detail by heart. And yet, he looked at it every time he felt furthest from you, because that tiny scrap of paper was the closest thing he had to you. It was a ticket stub to an underground club. Secret, hidden, and forbidden. It's only form of entertainment was swing music, which had been banned. That was where he met you... and that was your very first date. He smiled for a brief, infinitesimal moment, which pained him beyond belief, as he set his eyes on the ticket stub. He slipped it back into his pocket, though even when he shut his eyes, he could still see it. He could see the line of young people ahead of him, eager to get into the forbidden club. He could see the moment he first spotted you, just ahead, when you smiled at him. He could see the moment you approached him, and took his hand for the very first time, leading him to a dance.  The moment he saw your eyes light up with those forbidden notes and songs. The moment you convinced him to dance... The moment his life became yours, and yours became his. ***Months Later*** Hicox blew his German act. "Say auf wiedersehen to your nazi balls." With that, the tavern was sprayed red in blood. The gunshots alerted not only the basterds, but a team of agents working with the MI6 that the British had sent to assist the lone OSS operative, last minute. So last minute, that Bridget, Wicki, Hugo, and Archie were unaware of the extra unit's assistance. That unit, unknown to the basterds trapped in the tavern, legally did not exist. Legally, some of the members of your team were dead, including you.  All documents and messages regarding the team, The Resurgent,  were kept in a vault, somewhere underground, some place in England. Each and every document was classified, and most of the documents detailing their work had been mostly redacted. The Resurgent: This was your team. This was a band of double agents, soldiers, and talents who were either left behind, fell off the grid, or thought to be dead. This was the team that you called family from the moment you left Frankfurt, believing Hugo to be dead. This was the team who you faced certain death with. A hideout nestled in the most populated, busiest side of Paris...so obvious no one would think to look. That was the place you and your team called home. Only recently had you heard of this American outfit called the basterds. So recently, you only arrived to the village of Nadine, a moment or two before hearing shots fired in the tavern. Your team moved toward the tavern, along with the basterds in what you would later realize was a turning point not only in history, but in your story. **** Among all the ringing in his ears and the shots and the screams and the shattering glass, Hugo heard something else. He heard the bells from the door upstairs ringing. But, he was too tired and weak to look to the stairs. He slumped down  in a corner, bleeding through a stolen uniform, shakily raising his gun to fire one last shot. You were the third or fourth Resurgent to make it into the tavern, and you scanned the area. In a moment, your heart dropped, and you couldn't seem to breathe. You saw a familiar face in a stolen uniform. "Hugo..." You knelt by him, seeing his bloody fist clenched around something, resting over his heart. You held his hand, and found something you never imagined. It was a ticket stub, from your very first date, with your old phone number on it. A forbidden note for a forbidden love. You took a breath, both heart broken, and filled with hope all at once. You put it back in his pocket, "Oh Hugo..." He managed to open his eyes, and saw you hovering over him. Startled, his eyes went wide. In his mind, it was the ghost of you, taking his hand through a gentle death, But you wouldn't let him off so easily. You looked at him, tears welling in your eyes, though you clenched your jaw, and quickly wiped them away with your sleeve. There'd be time enough for that later. You pulled Hugo up, and draped his arm over your shoulders. It was then that Hugo realized you were as real as the bullet in his side. He smiled again, though his arm instinctively pressed against his wound, his other arm wrapped around you tightly, as he gave it his all to walk with you, and walk away from the grip of death. He saw you every night in his dreams. But this was clearer than anything he'd ever seen in his mind, either in a nightmare or his most carefree daydream... This was the dream that couldn't be. Your smile was brighter than it had been in any memory, your hands softer than they could be in any dream, and your voice clearer than it could be in any hallucination. "It's you..." He stood still for a moment, looking at you, though he seemed as though he would collapse.  Not because of the blood... but because it was because it was you. It was really you. You set him down gently, outside of the tavern, while other agents helped Bridget, Wicki, and Archie out. You crouched by Hugo, your hands resting against his face. He whispered, with gentle eyes, and a subtle grin, "Du bist lebendig." 'You're alive.' You nodded, as you started to tend to his wound, 'So are you...' "It was Matz. He betrayed us. He-" Hugo started to get worked up, breathing heavily, until you pulled him back down before he could hurt himself. "They couldn't take me away from you. This bullet won't take you from me." As the basterds scrambled to get everyone out and away from the tavern before more nazis arrived, Wicki laughed through the pain, "Told you Hugo was really married." If Hugo hadn't been wounded, he would've laughed. But he didn't. He smiled softly, though, as he reached his hand up to your face, and nodded once to himself, as if confirming it was really you. Your eyes were the very same eyes he saw on that first date. Your kind (worried) smile was the same as it was every time Hugo clumsily hurt himself (which was surprisingly often, though he never let on around the basterds.) Your nose was the same nose he used to peck softly each morning before work. Now, as Operation Kino carried on, you and your team watched over the wounded basterds. You stayed by his side. Who better than you? You were by Hugo's side the day the world fell apart. You were there when the world went to war. And now that time seemed to slow down once again, you were still there. And you were there when Hugo, and every other basterd, got the medal of honor.

"Think your aunt will be upset that we're a little late?" "We're only..." he shrugged, as he looked down at his watch, "Three years late." "Oh, is that all?" You laughed, as you wrapped your arms around him. Hugo was quieter than he used to be. He had scars you didn't recognize, and stories he might not tell you for a few years. But, he held you tightly, as he always had before. And when Hugo looked down at you with the same old smile that kept your hope alive in your dreams, he still had that love in his eyes. The same love as the day he first danced with you. If he had to do it all again, just to be with you, he would. You looked around at the sea of reporters, families, and basterds. You watched as balloons floated to the sky, camera flashes went off, and confetti and fallen streamers adorned the ground. A band began to play notes that weren't so forbidden here You kissed Hugo, and he kissed you. You'd never have to go through it again. You'd never have to be apart either. Some things wouldn't be the same. But, as long as you had Hugo, there would come a day when the world seemed to be pieced back together. Until then, you both held on to each other, knowing no one could ever take you away from each other again.

[into-control]

Into i need help. I bought a oculus quest 2 right and i tried to connect it to my laptop and it wont work so I realized i needed and actual pc gaming setup you know, problem is idk anything about PCs and i dont wanna get scammed. Can you help me? Ive looked online and idk wtf im looking at tbh. Can you give like advice and shit lol 😂 love you into 💕

well i'm not a professional at pcs by any means but i've always had a huge fixation on them so i can try to help as much as possible and i'll even try to put it in simple terms. fair warning, i talk A LOT in this post because i love rambling about computers :') i tried to use the simplest terms possible since you seem confused but if something doesn't make sense just ask and i can try to reword.

it all depends on what you want out of your pc. and do you want to build one or get a prebuilt one? if you want my advice i recommend building one. getting a prebuilt pc is the easiest way to get scammed because retailers tend to overcharge and they think they can get away with it because they stuck a flashy high end graphics card and colourful lights in it even though it has shit airflow and they cheaped out on the motherboard and power supply or something like that. if you're going to get a prebuilt pc make sure you look at allll the specs and consult some online reviews to see if they're any good, and figure out if you're going to be overcharged. now i'll talk about building one. a lot of this will still be useful if you're considering buying a prebuilt though.

the very first step is deciding your budget. idk where you are but in USD the typical amount to spend on pc parts is i think like $1000 - 1500 (you can spend less but that's if you don't have a lot of money to spend and are still desperate to have a gaming pc). i'm spending around $1700 CAD (before taxes, eugh) on mine bc i want to get into more demanding games eventually. it sounds very costly but computers like these can last you a decade and are very multifaceted. figuring out your budget first instead of going right ahead and buying stuff is important because each component should take up specific percentages of your budget. another important thing to consider when deciding your budget is if you want RGB (the colourful lights as previously mentioned), because components with that capability are slightly more expensive.

after deciding your budget, your first move is deciding what graphics card (GPU) you want. the GPU is responsible for processing and presenting the visuals on your screen. theoretically it should take up between 35 - 40% of your budget because it is the powerhouse in a gaming system. you have two developers to choose from here: NVIDIA or AMD. from what i've seen people tend to prefer NVIDIA but AMD cards aren't bad and they definitely compete in performance. i'll talk about nvidia though because that's what i know more about. by searching up the oculus quest 2 system requirements it tells me you at least need an nvidia geforce gtx 970. this card came out in 2014 and is by no means bad however it is actually the same base price as a lot of newer cards. if you want to go better than the minimum requirements, first consider what your monitor is capable of. if you don't have one yet, consider what you want it to do. monitors are not considered a part of the budget i keep mentioning by the way. idk how much this matters to you since we're talking about the oculus quest 2 but i'm just kind of assuming you're going to use this pc for other games too. the main two things to take into consideration are max resolution and refresh rate. my monitor has a resolution of 1920 x 1080 and a 144hz refresh rate. what the resolution means is that there are 2,073,600 pixels in the screen, and can go up to a resolution of 1080p in video games. the refresh rate means the monitor can refresh the picture on the screen 144 times a second, therefore can show a max of 144 frames per second in a video game. to put that in to perspective, most screens have a refresh rate of 60hz, such as regular laptop screens, iphone screens, etc.. monitors come in mainly 60hz, 75hz, 144hz, and 165hz, and for resolution they mainly come in 1080p, 1440p, and 4k. seeing as i don't have any plans on upgrading my monitor any time soon, dropping extra money on a GPU that can achieve more than 144fps and 1440p/4k would be pointless. but forget about the monitor, the oculus quest 2 has a max refresh rate of 120hz and its resolution lies somewhere between 1080p and 1440p. if you know what kind of games you're going to be playing, look up how they perform with different kinds of cards. i'm fairly certain anything above an nvidia geforce rtx 3070 would be pointless because of your display limits, and anything below the nvidia geforce gtx 970 simply won't be enough for the system. you can look at all the GPUs ranked here. after deciding which GPU you want you need to figure out which brand of it you want (NVIDIA themselves, asus, gigabyte, evga, etc), because they all perform at slightly different levels, although the difference is usually only a few frames so it's better to save money. something to watch out for is the quality of the fans in the GPU because if they aren't good, it will overheat and underperform. i'm aiming to get a 3060 or 3060 ti, if that helps. the only problem is that there is currently a worldwide GPU shortage due to covid, tariffs, and the cryptocurrency mining boom (gpus are used in bulk to mine). fortunately there is currently a crypto mining crackdown happening in china, where majority of mining in the world happens, so the demand for GPUs will hopefully start going down soon. you wont be able to build your pc right away but the market is looking better than it has in awhile. this is just about the only argument i have in favor of getting a prebuilt pc, because they have GPUs in them and are more readily available. i don't think that's a good enough reason though especially since part of the reason i'm building my pc is because it looks fun lol. another thing to note is that you should not overspend on your GPU. the shortage has caused a lot of GPU prices to skyrocket into the $2k-3k range but none of them should be above 1k except the highest end ones. when deciding on a GPU, search up the manufacturer's suggested retail price (MSRP). cards made by brands other than AMD and NVIDIA will almost always cost a little extra, but do not pay hundreds of

extra dollars. but anyways!! the GPU is now out of the way and is definitely the longest paragraph here because it's the most important part.

next up is the central processing unit (CPU), which you should be spending about 20 - 25% of your budget on. its job is essentially to retrieve instructions from the RAM and execute it. i suppose you could call it the brain. again you have two developers to choose from, this time between intel and AMD. i've had two laptops with an intel CPU and my current one has an AMD CPU and both are very good, however the general consensus is that you can get the same performance for less by going with AMD. CPUs have cores, and each core can run its own process. the more cores you have, the more your pc can think about basically. you can get CPUs will all sorts of amounts of cores but for gaming, 4 or 6 cores is all you really need. 8 is actually already a bit overkill. so you really don't need to get the best CPU out there. the one you get should depend on what GPU you get (hence choosing that component first). you don't want to bottleneck your GPU by getting a CPU that isn't good enough for it, but bottlenecking your CPU with the GPU by a small amount isn't as big of a deal because the goal is to allow your GPU to be used to its full ability. another detail about CPU is clock speed, which determines how quick it can complete tasks. the higher the faster, obviously. my (non gaming) laptop's CPU clock speed is 2.30 GHz and has 4 cores. the cpu i have for my build is the AMD ryzen 5 5600x. it has a base clock speed of 3.7 GHz but it can be maxed out to 4.6 GHz, and it has 6 cores. the oculus quest 2 has a minimum requirement of the AMD ryzen 5 1500x or the intel i5-4590, which is a little low on the performance list. but like i said the CPU should depend on the GPU. all it takes is a google search for which CPU goes best with the GPU you've chosen and you can find several answers depending on if you want the best possible performance, best budget performance, etc.. a nice little fact about choosing AMD over intel is that most AMD CPUs will come with a stock cooler, which is absolutely necessary otherwise your CPU will overheat (this is another thing prebuilts will cheap out on). this only adds to the whole price-to-performance thing. the stock cooler will most likely do unless you push your pc or want the build to look prettier.

next on the list is a motherboard, where all the parts come together in unity. you should spend 8 - 10% of your budget on this baby. it's easy to over and underspend on a mobo. the most important thing when it comes to choosing a mobo is that it supports your CPU. you cannot use the same mobo for intel and AMD CPUs. fortunately the product page will straight up tell you which CPU brand the mobo is meant for and will typically have two versions of the same board. it's important to note that motherboards don't always have onboard wifi, meaning it wont be able to connect to the internet via wifi and instead needs an ethernet cable or an external wifi adapter. if you can't get an ethernet cable to the room where you want your pc, you're going to need onboard wifi, or a wifi card/usb. onboard wifi mobos tend to be more expensive so it's up to you, but i personally bought one with wifi included so i wouldn't have to worry about it because our ethernet cables are in the basement and i'm upstairs. another very important thing about motherboards is that their BIOS version (operating system i guess?? idk how else to describe it) doesn't always support your CPU out of the box and must be updated before using it. this can present as a problem if you don't have another CPU to perform the update with, however some motherboards allow you to 'flash' the BIOS with a only usb drive as long as it's hooked up to power. there are plenty of step by step youtube videos about how to do this. i will have to do this with my motherboard when the time comes because it doesn't support ryzen 5s out of the box. don't let this deter you from getting a certain board as long as it has a BIOS flash feature. next up is what I/O ports you want, which are the ports (usb ports, headphone/mic jack, hdmi port, etc) you'd find on the back of any desktop computer. that is the side of the motherboard. basically just be aware of how many of each ports you want, and remember that there will probably be even more ports on the front of the case you get. the last thing i can think of right now is making sure your motherboard has all the headers (where you plug components in) you want it to have but i'll get to that later.

next up on the list is RAM, aka random access memory. this stores short term data. the amount of RAM you have kind of determines how much your pc can multitask. RAM sticks typically go up by some multiple of 2GB. most standard laptops and desktops nowadays will come with 8GB of RAM, which is enough for day to day use. it can be enough for mid and low end games however it cuts it pretty close most of the time. 16GB of RAM is the sweet spot for gaming and anything above that is pretty much overkill (and once again a waste of money) as long as you don't have a billion unnecessary background processes. a large amount of RAM is typically needed for video editors or computer programmers. you should always make sure your motherboard can support the amount of RAM you want although any good motherboard will support 64GB or even 128GB. the best option is to get a 16GB RAM pack, which will include two 8GB RAM sticks. splitting RAM between two sticks will increase efficiency. this is called dual channel. i also recommend getting DDR4 RAM, which is simply faster than DDR3. a good speed to have is around 3600 MHz. make sure your motherboard supports DDR4. you also want to be weary that your RAM is compatible with your CPU brand because they do have to interact for your pc to function.

next is storage. there are three-ish options here depending on how much you're willing to spend. generally you should spend 8 - 10% of the budget here. you can always get a good ole hard drive for the cheapest, however they are the slowest and physically biggest option, meaning whatever you put on it will take a bit longer for your pc to retrieve and open (they can load about 100-200MB of data per second). the next option is a solid state drive. they are a little more expensive but can load as much as 600MB of data per second and take up less space. the last and most efficient/expensive option is an m.2 nvme drive. these things are physically absolutely tiny and can load up to 4GB of data per second. anything you put on these will open very very quickly. the fairly standard solution for this is a combination of two of these three. personally i'm using one m.2 drive and one hard drive. the hard drive i have can store 2TB while the m.2 drive can only store 256GB. funnily enough these two drives are roughly the same price. the idea here is to install your operating system on the faster drive. this makes it so it only takes like 8 seconds tops for your pc to start up. you can also put any other programs you use most often on there (like your main browser and favourite games) and they will open very quickly, while the bulk of your games and other files will go on the bigger drive. that's all there really is to say for storage, just make sure the reviews are good on the drive you want to get, but that goes for any component.

next is your power supply (PSU). very very important to not cheap out on this. 6 - 8% of the budget should go to this. the function of the PSU is to do exactly what its name implies: supply power to all the components. this is where the website pcpartpicker can come in very handy. not only does it help you build a list of parts that are all compatible with each other, it will also estimate how much wattage you will need to run your pc. 600W is usually enough for a normal gaming pc. PSUs are ranked, and you should never really go below a bronze ranking. you can also choose between non-modular, semi-modular, and fully-modular PSUs. non-modular PSUs have all the cables permanently attached. this can be desirable to people who are confused by what cable is plugged in where but also undesirable as unused cables cannot be removed and make cable management harder. fully-modular PSUs come with the cables all in a separate bag so you choose which ones to plug in. semi-modular power supplies have the necessary cables attached and the rest can be attached need be. it all depends on preference and how much faith you have in yourself. i have an 80+ gold certified fully modular 750W PSU because the thought of unnecessary cable management makes me sick lol. corsair is pretty much the most trusted brand for power supplies. be careful because this is another place prebuilts will cut corners.

now for the case! this one isn't overly difficult to choose and mainly will just appeal to your aesthetics. it's less important to stick to a precise percent of the budget for this one but you also don't want to spend more than 8%. do you want a black case? a white one? do you want a glass side panel so you can see inside your pc and admire your hard work? besides that, you also need to make sure the case is big enough for your motherboard, GPU, and PSU. most info pages for cases will tell you the max size of the GPU and PSU and what size of mobo it's meant for. you also want to make sure there is a place to put your storage drives (unless you only have m.2 drives which are installed on the motherboard). you also want to make sure it has optimal airflow abilities. a case with no airflow will cause overheating. the best ones have mesh fronts and tops to allow cool air to be pulled in and hot air out. it's even better if you can get a case that comes with fans in the front, because they are what pulls that cool air in.

next is the CPU cooler, which i briefly mentioned. if you don't get an AMD CPU then you'll need to buy a separate cooler. you can choose between air coolers (a fan and a heatsink) or liquid coolers. i don't really have much to say about them and i recommend doing your own research on liquid coolers lol.

last but not least, case fans. like i said a lot of cases will come with front fans and also an exhaust fan at the back, however you might want more, or even replace the ones you already have with better ones. pay attention to how many fans your case manual says can fit and plan accordingly. check out reviews to see if the fans you want are quiet and efficient. if you buy a three pack of case fans there is a chance it will come with a fan hub. this makes it easier to control all of them in sync because the hub will connect all the fans to one header on the motherboard. generally 3-6 fans are pretty good for a gaming pc. two or three in the front pulling in cool air, one at the back and two on the top to pull out hot air.

now that i have all the components out of the way i'm gonna talk about RGB lighting. numerous components that i've mentioned have the option of including LED lights to make your pc brightly coloured, which is always nice if you have a glass side panel on your pc. it's an extra bit of money but i personally was willing to sacrifice that because i want to show off my build lmao. motherboards, RAM sticks, GPUs, CPU coolers, and case fans are the main components that can come with RGB lighting. you can also get special LED strips and power connectors designed for PCs. if you decide to go for RGB lighting, do try to stick to one RGB ecosystem, meaning make sure all the RGB components can be controlled by one program. RGB is controlled by your motherboard. for example if you get an asus motherboard you'll probably want to use their program, aura sync. most components can be controlled by any brand's program however if the motherboard itself has RGB lighting it can only be controlled via its own brand's program, along with the GPU. if you want RGB case fans you really have to make sure your motherboard has RGB headers (the thingy on the motherboard where you plug the fan's LED lights into). most motherboards will only have two-ish RGB headers so if you're going to buy a bunch of fans make sure they come with a fan hub, which lets you plug them all into one header on the motherboard. also, never sacrifice performance for RGB. specifically when it comes to GPUs. if you have a choice between a GPU with RGB and a GPU without RGB, always take the one that has better performance (given it's within the parameters i mentioned earlier).

that's all i have to say :) if you couldn't tell i really love this stuff. i will also recommend you watch youtube videos about this, you can see the build process and the reasoning for using each component, and also tips on what to do and what not to do. i hope this helps and wasn't too confusing. i know you said this is mainly because you got an oculus quest 2 but if you're going to get a gaming pc you should definitely consider games outside of the oculus too.

[cahgagahsworld]

BETTER TRADING OPERATION APESWAP & ECOSYSTEM LOTTERY

APESWAP UNIQUEThis platform is unlike any other platform you are familiar with. It is very easy to use, it fully covers all aspects of trading and Investing on the basis of Auto market builder and works on the same principles as platforms like sushiswap and PancakeSwap. Through this platform, all tokens that conform to the BEP-20 class can be exchanged and staked. Getting to know other AMM protocol platforms means that you only need to learn how to use the new features added in these platforms. This platform has evolved beyond the traditional platform and can stand alone. It offers a token called $ BANANA which is very attractive. On the platform, tokens will be the only way users can make the most of the platform and make use of the new features.

The cryptocurrency money space is planned so that when you offer monetary help to others through cultivating, you get remunerated.

How does this cultivating work?

This works like seed and reap time: you loan your tokens to individuals on the stage for a specific period, and you are remunerated with tokens thereafter.

There are a few ranch/blending choices accessible on the Apeswap stage:

BANANA/BNB

BNB/USD

ETH/BNB

BTC/BNB

BANANA/BUSD

Homestead sets are not unchangeable. You can make your own pair on the stage. Everything relies upon what you need!

The APESWAP team is doing a wonderful job! There are some excellent features: Have you been looking for a place to bet, farm, sell NFTs and exchange tokens? These are some of the amazing features that Apeswap has to offer. You can easily do all the things mentioned above on the APESWAP platform.

APESWAP TOKEN The team at APESWAP decided to go the Ape route by naming their token $ BANANA. Sounds pretty interesting, right? Well, you can exchange and farm for Banana tokens on the platform. And you have several exchange options available. Whether it's BNB or USDT, you can easily exchange and stake your $ BANANA and earn rewards. And oh, there is also a lottery feature that you can win.

AMAZING FEATURES OF APESWAP Now, let's dive right into the awesome features APESWAP has available for you.

APESWAP is on the blockchain today and is supported by the Binance Smart Chain. Its sole purpose is to help users generate profits and to help them achieve those who already provide $ BANANA features and tokens for their daily transactions. In this way, users will have a high level of control and can take advantage of existing finances. There is so much more available to users than they can even realize on ethereum, taking them to the top as they become free to trade and use the newly provided information. What you should look forward to in this platform is how to use the $ BANANA token, how to use agriculture and how to take part in an Initial Apes Offering. The Defi platform is growing steadily and will continue to do so on the Binance Smart Chain.

APESWAP LOTTERY FINANCE: When you hear the lottery, what comes to your mind? Free! Free stuff! Chance to win! The same goes for the Apeswap Financial Lottery: You can win a lot of $ BANANA if you play the lottery.

How do I play the lottery, you ask? Simple! You buy an APESWAP lottery ticket. Yes, the same way you buy a lottery ticket, get a unique lottery code, it's the same way the APESWAP lottery works. There is a four digit code on the ticket you get. Tickets sell for $ 10 BANANA. One ticket goes for 10 $ BANANA. When the four numbers on your ticket match the four winning lottery numbers, you win.

For people whose four numbers don't match the four lottery numbers, there are still wins for them, but not as many as those who have all four winning lottery numbers. Winning the lottery is simple: the order of your ticket numbers must match the winning numbers of the lottery.

POOL AND EXCHANGE: In cryptocurrency, pool is when people get together, and then lend people out of that pool of money.

The advantage of the pool is that people get rewarded for pooling their money to help others. With APESWAP pools, you can create your own, and other people will join you.

Some of the popular pools on this platform are: Banana Pool JDI Pool Lyptus Pool Exchange on APESWAP is fast and secure. And the exchange fee is as low as 0.3%. Exchange fees are used to keep the platform running well. NFA Auction: You can create and auction Non-Fungible Apes on APESWAP.

Yes, NFA is Apeswap's substitution for NFT. The world is going crazy about NFT, Apeswap has created the NFA, the digitally created Kera art. This monkey is available for auction and has changed hands of late. So if you're looking to step into the exciting new world of the NFA, this is your chance!

CONCLUSION

You will definitely want to make purchases and transact tokens or even exchange, tokens will allow you and with that, it will be easy to access Defi and also grow your finances. You will not be in a position to compromise when you use this platform as it offers the best security and will always put all its users ahead of the crypto market. Everyone needs to understand this and then move on with this platform at once. 

The multitude of opportunities available on the platform makes it the perfect platform for those starting cryptocurrency trading, staking, farming and selling NFTs. Follow APESWAP! Get your $ BANANA!

LINKS YOU MAY NEED: Website: https://apeswap.finance/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/ape_swap Telegram Group: https://t.me/ape_swap Telegram Channel: https://t.me/ape_swap_news Medium: https: //ape-swap.medium.com/ Github: https://github.com/ApeSwapFinance

AUTHOR DETAILS Bitcointalk Username: Gedang_goreng Bitcointalk Profile Link: https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?action=profile;u=3243664 BSC Address: 0x36cf2Fdf76E1CEFE2357a9bba779F0F7c363d735

[mr-entj]

Career 102: Getting a job you have no experience in

Combined with the following asks:

Hey Mr ENTJ. Do you have advice on how to move from academia into industry for someone who has only research experience? Only a CV and not a resume? Thank you!

How do you spin skills from one industry to be applicable to another? I'm a theater and English major (yes, I know) and it's been difficult finding work lately, because I am stuck living in a state where there are little jobs for that. I've worked on films, weddings, as a curator guide at a museum, and have my AA. I've had good interview after good interview, and have been outright told at three different places that I was a perfect fit. And then they went with someone else. Any advice?

Hi Mr. ENTJ I love your blog, is a great source of information for me so thanks for that! I have a question if you don’t mind. What kind of advice would you give to a graduate student who has not worked on their field during college and now is looking for a job? I’m a Business major but I’m currently working as a language teacher at a private institute (it started as a part-time job) My salary’s really good, however I’d like to start working in business but I have no experience on that :( thnks!

Hi there! I've read some of your advice to other askers and find what you say very perceptive and realistic. I'd like to ask your opinion. I have Bachelors and Masters degrees in the life sciences. I worked in academia for 2 years but my field lacked funding so I left. I have no commercial experience.I have problems getting a job because of this and most companies' resistance to hiring nonpractical grads. I want to go into consulting which is more flexible with degrees. What would you advise?

Hi mr entj! This may be a bit of a stupid question but what should I do if I can't find the job in a field(actually sub-field of a field) that I'm aiming for? I'm looking to be a concept artist but I can't seem to find any such jobs that don't require atleast a year of experience and since I'm a fresher I don't have that. In my country, there is also not a tradition of getting small student jobs so I don't have that experience either. Help me with some tips please.

Related answers:

Resume and Cover Letter Guide

Job Hunting 101

Top 3 job hunting mistakes college students make

Tips on transitioning from school to the workplace

Job interview tips

To break into a field that you have no experience in, translate the experiences in your current career into the “language” of your target career. The ultimate goal is this: make it as easy as possible for the hiring manager (and recruiter) to understand your background. People are lazy, they aren’t going to waste their time performing mental gymnastics to figure out how your obscure experience applies to their available job-- if they can’t figure it out-- your resume goes into the rejection pile. Make it easy for them.

To do that, see below.

Step 1: Collect multiple job descriptions of similar roles 

The goal is to source as many overlapping skills as possible for the same role so that you can update your resume to reflect them. To illustrate this, let’s say you’re currently a school teacher but your goal is to become a Communications Manager for a tech company. What kind of skills are tech companies looking for in Communications Managers? A simple search on LinkedIn for “communications manager” yields 42,000 results:

You don’t need to read all 42,000 job descriptions, but pick 4-5 that interest you from top companies (i.e. Lyft, Twitter, Facebook, Google) of similar nature. Top companies are leaders of the pack; their job descriptions are reliably the ones that other lower tier companies will copy.

Step 2: Identify key themes

All job descriptions that aren’t scams will have sections called “roles/responsibilities” and “minimum qualifications” with detailed bullet points describing what they’re looking for in the ideal candidate. As an example, I’ll use the Lyft “Internal Communications Manager” job description above and a “Communications Manager” job from Twitter to identify the key themes.

Lyft - Internal Communications Manager

Responsibilities

Work closely with and influence key company leadership to develop and disseminate their important messages to team members, including aligning the team on our strategy, goals, and priorities (Key theme: Communication)

Own strategy and results for keeping all relevant team members informed on important org news and updates in a timely and engaging manner.  (Key theme: Stakeholder management)

Provide strategic, direct hands-on support to key senior leaders  (Key theme: Project management)

Proactively identify new opportunities and develop new programs to continually up level our internal communications program  (Key theme: Analysis)

Successfully collaborate with cross-functional partners to execute on a comprehensive plan for seamless communications.  (Key theme: Collaboration)

Maintain the Lyft voice across all communications, written and verbal, and across company leadership (Key theme: Branding)

Keep Lyft fun!  (Key theme: Culture fit)

Twitter - Communications Manager

Roles And Responsibilities

Coordinate with various Twitter teams on product launches, announcements, issues and other news  (Key theme: Project management)

Craft communications materials with a high degree of consistency, conviction, and strong tone of voice (e.g. messaging docs, communications plans, blog posts, statements, Tweets)  (Key theme: Communication)

Drive proactive, creative storytelling around our products and the people who build them across a range of media, both traditional and non-traditional (press, podcasts, speaking engagements, video, etc.)  (Key theme: Communication)

Help the team establish and maintain relationships with reporters nationally and globally.  (Key theme: Stakeholder management)

Manage a high-volume of incoming queries from media covering product matters, and be able to consult and drive towards decision-making on press response during high-pressure scenarios  (Key theme: Project management)

Serve as a company spokesperson in the U.S. and in other markets.  (Key theme: Branding)

Draft, manage through reviews, and upload blog posts and Tweets for announcements and updates  (Key theme: Communication)

Track press coverage for key announcements; identify and correct inaccuracies in stories  (Key theme: Analysis)

Support team to drive proactive stories in global, local and industry-focused publications  (Key theme: Project management)

You’ll notice that the same key themes will emerge for similar roles. Extract these key themes and copy and paste them into your resume. Move to step 3. 

Step 3: Translate your experience and achievements to map to these key themes

From the Lyft and Twitter Communications Manager job descriptions above, we have the following 7 key themes:

Communication: Writing, editing, speaking, etc.

Stakeholder management: How to be organized and manage large groups of people of different levels and backgrounds

Project management: How to be organized and adaptable to support senior leaders with whatever they need done

Analysis: How to be a critical thinker who can spot better ways to do things (AKA performance/process improvement)

Collaboration: How to achieve success with people from different backgrounds

Branding: How to write in the company’s voice or a voice not your own

Culture fit: You need to jive with the company’s organizational culture

As a school teacher, you may not have the exact experience required but you’ve definitely done work that maps to these key themes. Use the verbiage from the job descriptions to write new bullet points for your resume:

(Key theme: Communication): Crafted and distributed weekly internal communications to 500+ students on academic updates, key event announcements, and other news in collaboration with administrative staff

(Key theme: Communication): Managed a high volume of inquiries from parents and administrative staff on the academic performance of 30+ students, provided updates and resolved concerns resulting in strong performance ratings

(Key themes: Stakeholder management + project management): Collaborated closely with senior leadership and a team of parents, educators, and volunteers to fund, launch, and manage the school’s $400,000 music program resulting in new extracurricular opportunities for 40+ students

(Key theme: Analysis): Led strategic initiative to improve academic curriculum and identified new teaching methodologies for 20 ESL (English Second Language) students resulting in an 15% increase in annual graduation rates

It won’t be a perfect fit, you will still get a lot of rejections, but your profile and background are much easier to understand to someone hiring for a communication manager role than it was before. Use your new resume as a script for the job interview to explain your experience as it relates to the role they’re hiring for.

Key Takeaways

Brand yourself for the role you want, not the role you have. Your resume and LinkedIn should contain a description of the role you’re aiming for and what skills/experience you bring to the table. If you’re currently a school teacher who wants to become a Communications Manager, then brand yourself as a “Communications leader with expertise in education, project management, and collaboration with people of various backgrounds.” This also makes it easier for recruiters to find you online because if they’re hiring for a Communications Manager, they will not be searching for a school teacher, they’ll be searching for key words related to that specific role.

Apply everywhere. You’re going to get rejected, a lot, it’s part of the process and you’re an underdog so don’t take it personally. Job hunting is a numbers game, always cast a wide net.

Progress is better than perfection. If your goal is to become a Communications Manager for the United States White House but you’re currently a school teacher, then the odds are you won’t immediately get hired by the White House. The goal here is to first break into the industry and work your way up. Accept the role that you want in a company that may not be your first choice because progress is better than perfection. Once you accumulate achievements in this role, other more reputable companies will be willing to take a chance on you.

Networking is everything. This is why human connections are the most powerful-- resumes can score interviews, but relationships build careers because hiring is about trust. If people don’t know you and your experience doesn’t inspire a ton of confidence or trust, they won’t extend an offer and commit to a legally binding employment agreement. To build that trust, use university career offices, professional networking events, internet job sites, forums, and other venues to engage and meet people. Socialization leads to trust which leads to opportunities.

[frstbiitten]

cw: torture (physical/emotional)

The sensation of being asleep and awake at the same time overwhelmed her in the middle of her slumber state, she couldn't see anything, wasn't dead either, she knew that the world around her was still present, she just couldn't recognize it. Her eyes opened slowly, adapting to the environment, it seemed that she was under the night sky, she could not see anything. Her eyes needed to get used to the darkness, to the humidity of the place, to the lack of sounds, to everything.

Felt no pain in her neck this time, not now at least, but she did feel pressure around it, she moved her hands slightly and couldn't move them individually, she had to move them together at the same time. Her sight suddenly became clearer with the illumination from a light bulb over her head, she tried to cover her face and heard a metallic sound, there was something around her wrists, they were chains. 

"She's awake." She managed to hear even though she couldn't quite make out who was speaking, it was a female voice, listened to it approaching her, she was watching her closely and bent down to be closer to Frost. "Looks like the anesthesia just wore off."

"..." She was watching her too, her features were strangely familiar as if she had seen her before, long ago. Her dark eyes, the shape of her nose, her voice, it was like seeing a ghost for the first time in a deceased acquaintance. "... Mom?"

She didn't hear an answer to her question, but that woman didn't look at her with kind eyes, quite the opposite, there was sadness in them. "Sit down." She ordered her without caring much if she could or not, it was an order, intrigue drove Frost to obey her word. "No, I'm not your mother, she's dead, instead, I'm her sister Rosemary, Dahlia's older sister, didn't she ever tell you about me?" Talking about Dahlia was like removing a dead body from an empty grave, it generated great remorse just remembering her death, everything that had happened with her, but FRostdidn't remember that at some point Dahlia mentioned any member of her family.

"No... she never did."

"...How disappointing, but I imagined it."

She fixed her gaze on her, Rose reminded Frost a lot of her mother but as if she might have lived a few more years, she died young, and even though it had been almost six years since she died, she could still remember what she looked like, however much of a memory shrouded in a sad haze. Noticed that they weren't alone in the room, there was someone else, behind Rose was a young man, she couldn't fully see his face, as he was leaning against the wall with his arms across his chest.

"... where... where am I?"

Rose turned away from Frost, taking steps back, there was only disapproval on her face, she knew all too well the discontent of hearing that her sister had never mentioned her. Well, now that she thought about it better, Frost couldn't remember any mention of her other family, her blood relatives, or acquaintances. Dahlia was very secretive, but remembering her in detail was causing her a great shock of emotions, it was taking her by surprise, all her effort to forget her was colliding with every attempt to remember what her life was like before everything.

"You were born in this house, just like your mother, it belonged to your grandparents, and now me and my son Shawn own what's left of the heritage, what's left of the Gladwyn's. My parents upon learning that Dahlia was going to have a bastard child decided to banish her from the house, she had broken one of the many family traditions-"

"Blah blah, I don't care, tell me why the hell I'm here!" Frost suddenly interrupted Rose no matter how she watched her, neither how the figure behind her was going to react, maybe that was her son.

Rose sighed in exasperation before continuing, that impatient manner, what little she could remember of her sister was almost perfectly portrayed in her daughter, almost down to the tone of voice. It was amazing how much like her she was, except for the ghostly tone of her skin and hair, at the same time as her icy colored eyes that seemed to rummage through her head until they reached her soul, the coldness she emanated was to be expected, both she and her son got used to it. They knew what awaited them.

"You want to know why you're here? Well, I'll start simple: I've been looking for you for years, Frost, I was sure my sister's daughter would know about her disappearance, and when Shawn found you he started spying on you, following your footsteps, always on the lookout, remember the guy whose head exploded in front of you while you were talking? That was my son." The image of such a memory hadn't quite left her head, it was still fresh to reminisce whenever she wanted. "But I always knew you wouldn't come to me the easy way, so I had to opt for the hard way."

Something clicked again in Frost's head, she was doing her best to think of a plan to escape but they could shoot her with a tranquilizer again if they wanted to, as many times as they felt like it.

"You were the one who put a bounty on my head?"

"It was easy, but I have two choices for you: either you die, or I take away your powers, still, neither knows what the outcome will be in the end, your biology is subtly different from humans, your body reacts differently to certain chemicals, who knows to what extent I'm saving you or killing you, one way or the other, I know you were the one who killed my sister, how else could it be explained?"

Had it been an accident in self-defense or a purposeful action? She never sat still thinking about the latter possibility, Dahlia had died wrapped in a sheet of ice, she was only 12 years old at the time but it impressed her how her instinct had reacted. Some time ago her mother had become hostile, maybe Rose was going to be much worse.

"It was an accident." Frost stated as she gazed at the ground, she had no desire to look back at her, maybe she was enjoying how her insides were twitching from the sudden jolt of memories.

"No Frost, none of that was an accident, my sister fucked with an aberration and look what she got in the end, you sure made her last days a living hell, I know what your anger is capable of, you destroy lives in your path without caring in the least, you took the lives of so many innocent people, I'm doing the world a favor, so what if you die in the end, do you think anyone will cry for you? In the end there will be no one left, all you do is destroy everything that others love!" It was either emotion or rage that was taking Rose's voice, she appeared to be someone so calm on the outside, inside she was a fury of flames and tears, her eyes had gone red, her son on the other hand did nothing in the meantime.

"I didn't mean to kill her, it was an accident." The memory itself was forcing its own way into surfacing in her mind, it was like a withered plant suddenly coming back to life.

She remembered almost everything, the reason for their argument had become a recurring one, for she hadn't set foot in the world beyond the door of the apartment in a long time, she had left school, she needed the fresh air and to talk to others, to be like just another girl. Dahlia saw nothing positive in letting her go out, the excuse was always the same: she shouldn't let others find her or see her, most people out there wouldn't understand why she looked like that, nor why sometimes ice crystals would accidentally emerge from her fingers, nor why the air around her was so cold. Her own mother painted her as not human at all, and she was right, she wasn't entirely, but Frost had had enough of spending a life locked up. The truth was that she had inherited her mother's anger, it was destructive anger, out of control, and the more they argued, the better way to silence it was to move to physical aggression. That night had been no exception, but it had ended differently.

"Things like this aren't by 'accident', think Frost, if you hadn't wanted to avoid it, don't you think she would alive by now? Look at what you are now, someone who kills for a living, your life is nothing but miserable, you're a danger to others, you killed almost 20 people in one night, you're probably being sought by the police right now, and who knows how many more people you killed, and all for what? You don't understand, but you're worth nothing in the end."

Suddenly, the chain tightened, she was tied to a cement post inside the basement, her eyes glowed with a ghostly light, her skin paler and from her mouth came only roars like a choleric dog. Frost couldn't reach her but she could try to freeze her, from the palm of her hands a sphere of ice was beginning to emerge.

"Shawn, the taser."

"Yes, ma."

The boy stepped out of the shadows only to taser Frost, her muscles suddenly paralyzed and she fell to the floor, needed to get used to this, is how they will control her. She heard Rose walk to the left and grab something from a metal table, she couldn't see what it was, but she immediately felt a prick in her arm, whatever it was, Frost instantly began to feel calmer and exhausted at the same time.

"It will be long months for you, if you don't die trying, you're lucky at last, you're with your family at least, don't you feel less lonely?"

Was it some kind of anesthesia? Again the world was behind a veil, she could barely feel Shawn arrange her position on the floor so that she was not face down, placing her on one of her sides. Their figure was a blur, she watched them walk away as she could hear the rustle of a wooden staircase. They were leaving her alone, when would they return? The ice in her hands retracted, felt it returning to her bones, didn't know exactly what she felt but it wasn't good.

It was going to be long months, Frost was both a lab mouse and a death row inmate, a very slow death. She would have to get used to the walls, the spacious basement, the echo of her breathing, but nothing beyond what she could feel and hear.