#now i feel better mentally

[3rdarc]

Lix's mental health journey

Idk if i should archive this here or in arc 2. It is a lix focus, but the damn breaks in arc 3.

Mm so, arc 3 is kinda harsh on lixian. Smth we (and he) didn't really see coming since he finally feels better and happier than ever.

Smth about lix we've kinda come to learn is how emo he is. As bright, joyfull, loving, and giving he is, we continually saw in the 2nd arc, his inner thoughts arnt as fun. It's a lot of self-hatred and pushing himself down. He mocks and bullies his emotions, he never lets himself feel.

°•○~●°•

Until that point, tho, i dont think we've ever explored the origine of that self-disgust. Anyways, he's surrounded by friends in a similar situation, so no one really wonders about where that habit came from. It's pretty common.

Lixian's personality

As delicate and soft as lix is perceived by others, he actually has a pretty dude-bro attitude when u really get to know him. I think lixian worked and pushed those traits unto himself. Younger lix had a personality kinned to how he's always been percieved as: softer and brighter.

I think growing up, as a form of protection, as a defense, lixian conviced himself those traits were a mask, one that he still uses to this day because its what is expected of him and the only way he knows how to make others confortable and happy.

But lix despises that "mask".

He sees it as weak. Fragile. Dangerous. Immature. Annoying. Disgusting.

It's kinda confusing tbh

BASICALLY

Lix is a softy, but he's disgusted by that nature, so inward, he's very harsh and anti-feelings. That's how he acts when he's fully open with people (like Mong or his siblings) but puts on a "soft" mask in public because that's the only way he knows to make people happy.

It's still a mask, he isnt allowing himself to be soft and vulnerable. He's acting as if.

But why ?

U know, your average "feminine = weak" propaganda. But a little more than that. I think lix became terrified of it being somewhat truthful. Genuine life or death terror.

As we know, since arc 1, lixian's appearance is unusual, and mystical to most. He looks like a magical snow fairy. And as the youngest prince of the kingdom, he's become somewhat of a mascot.

He attracted so much attention that for his safety, he lived the first 10 years of his life in Eldonia (kinda like medhival russia). But honestly, that also added into the mystic perception the common people had of him.

At 16 (idk exactly yet but Blue Rose chapter), he also gets kindapped, and yeah not fun. i hate this trope. it's so cliche and annoying, but like dude, it was bound to happen.

They feared it and overprotected lix to the point he felt like he was sufficating. So no shit that little brat (who by that point was just starting to sneak out in the middle of the night to play as xi) would find himself in trouble with the wierdos who fetishised him all his life.

Thankfully, nothing happened to him, but it was a wake-up call to him that he was hunted for that weakness.

Idk how to describe it, but it's just fcking disgusting 🤢🤢 and as lix, id be so traumatised and terrified by constant objectification and fetishisation that id want to crawl out of my skin and just rip it off. I'd hate it. I'd be disgusted by what those creep fetished about me. I'd be disgusted by my femininity and eventually by my vulnerability and what is perceived as weak.

That's also when he cuts his long hair into the mullet we know 🫡

Small break cuse i feel better now and i wanna go back to reading romance. Ill come back to finish this some day.

Lix & femininity

Blablabla ill talk about it later

Guilt & self-hatred

Yeah yeah

Choosing self-destruction

Arc 3 wouhoo

[ducktollers]

best friends

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[hyakunana]

I hate the sewers . jpg

[toomanywordsnllines]

Sometimes... the world can be a little too much.

[deoidesign]

"I'm the dog they put with cheetahs to keep them from going crazy in captivity" x "I'm the cheetah that is threatening to go crazy" 4 ever

(I make a webcomic about them)

[canisalbus]

I really appriciate how often Machete is depicted struggling and feeling like a burden, while still being loved and supported by Vasco. It gives the top tier angst of "i'm not good enough, I'm not worth it" but you frame it in such a way where it's clear that's just how he *feels* and is not how things really are, but also it's so nice to see someone who struggles quite often in a loving and unique relationship that suits them. The narrative of not being able to love or be loved unless you're consistently healthy is really tiring lol.

.

[employee052]

felt kinda shitty earlier this morning, so i drew some comfort narrator for myself but i figured yall might want it too, so heres some comfort narry

[conspicuous-clown-car]

sunny doodle i did at a pizzaplace

<3

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

mmmmmMMMMMMM

[verte-vae]

Sans has reach on you.

IJAG Sans belongs to @htsan

Clean ver

[triglycercule]

nightmare viewing the murder time three as little toys but more in like a little spoiled kid kinda way. because it would be funny and if you take into the account that he was like 6 before getting corrupted and do some mental loopholes it would be even funnier. like these are his dolls (killer dust and horror) and this is their barbie dreamhouse (his castle). they all have to stay in one room because nightmare needs to keep his toys in a toy box. the toys only ever come out when he wants to play but oh damn it they keep on breaking out!! silly toys,,, and then he locks them into the room again.

nightmare serves them food with plastic tea cups and plastic plates and there is no food. there is no tea. they have to imagine the food because dolls can't literally eat. there are food containers and stuff in the house but its all just a bunch of empty boxes. horror starts tweaking out after he scavenges the kitchen and finds a cereal box and milk carton that have NOTHING in it (why keep empty boxes?????)

they have to go where he wants them to go. nightmare gets to dress them up in whatever he wants because theyre his dolls they can wear anything he wants. it gets incredibly embarrassing when the trio is forced to wear pink pretty dresses and fight like that. or they have to go around the castle doing stupid fucking roleplays and it gets weird because theyre being forced to reenact a bullying scene and nightmare's giving them the death stare if they don't get it right (is this projection. this must be some form of coping mechanism dust theorizes)

and then you know nightmare's not exactly the best toy owner so he loses a few of his dolls here and there. maybe they get destroyed when he was playing a bit too rough with them! (killer dies in battle for like the 29th time) but its okay because he can just go back on down to the store (something new) and buy. wait no. steal another doll and then put it back in his dreamhouse and BOOM he has a full set again!! so sweet so cute. his dolls don't have consciousness what are you talking about theyre begging to be let go?? that's all just your imagination. what do you mean you're asking about the several slowly dying bodies with removed arms or legs in his dungeon. oh that's just where the broken but not yet destroyed toys go dw theyre fine its humane

[suntails]

loyalty

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

[everfaire]

[diffenbachiae]

i think this is the first year i’ve really started to realize that there isn’t a magical switch that will flip where i’ll suddenly be happy every single day of my life, it’s just life and finding the joy in it day by day and if it isn’t there making choices to add more of it and while that’s a lot of persistent disciplined work with the meditating and the physical exercise and forcing myself to read instead of letting myself rot on tiktok i think right now i’m happier than i’ve ever been before idk