#now they have to prevent a first degree murder

[cherrytraveller]

i’ve been laughing about this since yesterday

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[mightyflamethrower]

Two members of the Illinois Prisoner Review board have stepped down after granting the release of a man who allegedly stabbed his ex-girlfriend’s 11-year-old son hours after gaining freedom.

The board was hit with backlash after freeing Crosetti Brand from his 16-year prison sentence for home invasion and aggravated assault just a month after his ex-girlfriend, Laterria Smith, filed a protection order against him. 

The pair had not been together in over 15 years, but Smith, 33, still feared Brand, 37 — with good reason.

“B​​rand was convicted of domestic-related crimes involving the woman several times between 2006 and 2009, including three violations of orders of protection,” CWBChicago reported.

The felon was originally freed from prison in October with a protection order put in place against contacting Smith, but he was jailed again after being accused of sending her a threatening text and attempting to make entry to her home on February 1, Breitbart News reported. 

Just a day before the latest protection order case was to be heard in court, Illinois Prisoner Review Board member LeAnn Miller approved Brand for parole, according to the New York Post.

On the same day that Smith, who is pregnant, was to argue in court why Brand shouldn’t be allowed near her, he allegedly attacked her family with a knife at their Edgewater home. 

The outlet reported that Brand allegedly “ambushed” Smith’s young son, Jayden Perkins, as he attempted to protect his mother and unborn sibling.

Jayden died after being violently stabbed in the chest while trying to intervene. 

Once the boy’s mother got away and locked herself in another room, the suspect tried to enter but eventually fled. He was later located and arrested at his mother’s home.

Brand now remains in custody on charges of “first-degree murder, attempted first-degree murder, three counts of home invasion with a dangerous weapon, armed robbery, aggravated domestic battery, unlawful use of a weapon by a felon with a previous conviction, and violating an order of protection,” the CWB Chicago report said.

Not only has Miller resigned from the board, but Chair Donald Shelton also stepped down, the Post reports.

“The Prisoner Review Board must be able to operate independently as they review enormously difficult cases, but I believe LeAnn Miller has made the correct decision in stepping down from her role,” the Gov. JB Pritzker said in a statement.

“It is clear that evidence in this case was not given the careful consideration that victims of domestic violence deserve, and I am committed to ensuring additional safeguards and training are in place to prevent tragedies like this from happening again,” Pritzker said.

He announced the resignation of Shelton in an online press release.

“Donald Shelton served the state of Illinois in his role with the PRB for over a decade, providing a model of dedication to public service,” he said. “During his time with the Champaign Police Department and with the PRB he worked diligently to keep Illinoisans safe and uphold our justice system, and I thank him for his service.”

Smith is still hospitalized in critical condition following the attack, but she and her unborn baby are expected to live, NBC News reported.

Gus Giordano Dance School mourned the loss of Jayden, a star pupil, on social media.

“Jayden Perkins brought the brightest light to GUS. We are incredibly blessed to have been apart of his life. We love you Jayden,” the dance school wrote on X.

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E8 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

If you want to start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character cheat sheet

Luomen - Maomao's father

Verdigris House - brothel

Meimei - courtesan at Verdigris House

Lihaku - the military officer who took Maomao home

Jade Pavilion - Lady Gyokuyou's residence

Hongniang - head LIW at Jade Pavilion

Maomao wakes up at her father's house and is disoriented, her subconscious not having adjusted to the change. She comments on her oily hair, already missing the comforts of the Rear Palace. We are seeing a Maomao who wants to feel at home in her father's home, but no longer does. It's like that saying, "you can never go home again."

Maomao worries about her father's ability to keep working since he's becoming elderly. Maomao isn't there to tend the herb garden and help him. What will become of him if she remains in the palace?

A servant from a brothel comes to get help. There is an emergency and two people have collapsed. Maomao takes charge and is able to resuscitate a man who stopped breathing. Her medical skills truly are all encompassing.

She requests charcoal and sends the servant girl to fetch Maomao's father, but on the way out the girl glares at Maomao. Is she upset that Maomao saved the courtesan and her customer? Does she resent being sent on this errand? We shall have to wait and see.

And hmmm, I'm still leery of this father-daughter dynamic. Maomao saved two people's lives and all her father tells her is that she has done a "fair job." Maomao responds with sarcasm but I get the impression this is fairly common. Maomao striving to impress her difficult to please father. This really puts into perspective why she responds so well to the praise she receives it at the Rear Palace. She's craving validation.

Luomen is a medical genius, one that Maomao has been trying to live up to all of her life. In her time learning with her father, Maomao has absorbed a lot of knowledge and experience but doesn't recognize the greatness of her own abilities as she sees them only in how they compare to her father.

Maomao thinks there is something wrong with the story that the two people she saved were trying to kill themselves. She goes to check on the man and prevents the young servant girl who scowled at her earlier from murdering the man.

Turns out the guy Maomao saved was an ass who would lead on courtesans and break hearts. He's the son of a wealthy merchant who simply smooths away any issues with money. Attempts on his life had been made before and this is merely the latest. Maomao agrees to remain quiet on this issue since making it known would cause problems for the ladies of the brothel. Hoes before bros.

Maomao can't stop thinking about it though. She knows it was a murder attempt and she has figured out the clever way it was committed, but there are so many people involved. She questions who knew what and to what degree they played a part. Then she shuts down those thoughts.

Maomao's father scolds her for conjecturing out loud and later she scolds herself. Speaking her thoughts on a case was always something she was encouraged by Jinshi to do in the Rear Palace and it bothers me to see her feel like she has to silence her thoughts now.

While she is in the Rear Palace, Maomao's detective abilities are appreciated by Jinshi and she blossoms with his encouragement. Now, back in the Pleasure District, she is overlooked, literally paid to hush up, and scolded.

Maomao compares the Pleasure district to the Rear Palace. Something she did in episode one when she first arrived. Both are beautiful gardens and cages. She uses a poison metaphor, stating that the environment poisons the people that are trapped in it and they go on to poison others in turn.

She is probably thinking about the courtesan who attempted to murder her troublesome client, but it's worth asking, has Maomao herself been poisoned by her environment?

Does she think that the changes in herself are poisonous? Is that why she scolded herself for her conjectures? Does she think her time at the Rear Palace has poisoned her so that she feels at liberty to speak about conjectures when those thoughts are best kept silent?

Perhaps the truth is that Maomao's poisoning happened before she ever arrived at the Rear Palace. Her father's strict parenting style and theories about what should or should not be said have poisoned Maomao into silence. She literally lets a would be murderer walk free here because she won't speak her thoughts. This is drastically different from the Rear Palace. In the Rear Palace, Jinshi supports her both by encouraging her to speak her thoughts, and by handling whatever problem is revealed. She's supported and encouraged in the palace, here she is silenced and alone.

Maomao finally gets her bath and Meimei joins her. It is nice to know that the people here worried about her and missed her. Then Meimei asks hesitantly, if Maomao has been out to the annex. To which Maomao responds "not yet." My, how cryptic. Based on the emotions they are both skirting around it has to be something meaningful.

I haven't explored a wild theory in awhile. Let's go down a rabbit hole for a moment. Based on the level of emotion revealed by Meimei's question, maybe the annex has something to do with Maomao's mother? I'm remembering what Luomen said about how strange a twist of fate it is that Maomao is in the palace. And I wonder if "the annex" is part of the palace. Is Maomao's mother in the palace? Or maybe she was. If Maomao came out of the palace, is it possible that she actually does come from a higher social status? One high enough that she becomes a more appropriate match for Jinshi? I'm remembering when she asked him not to touch her because her status is so much lower than his, and I think my theory adds a delicious irony to her words. I've long wondered if she was hiding something but I was so focused on Jinshi being a royal/noble in hiding that I didn't spend time thinking that Maomao may be as well. Furthermore, Maomao ended up being raised by a doctor. Is Luomen even Maomao's real father? He is quite old to be her biological father. Was Luomen called upon to treat a dying child, or possibly deliver a baby at the palace? Was he asked to claim the child had died then smuggled her out of the palace? He does seem to be too good of a doctor to be working in the Pleasure District. Wait does this have something to do with her arm? Did she sustain an injury during the time she was in palace? Or have a distinguishing birth mark? Does she cover her arm to hide it? Would her identity be revealed if her arm healed? Have I gone way too far from the known facts and entered the realm of headcanon? Actually, I can answer that one: yes!

Okay, time to go back to the story.

It's time for Maomao to say goodbye. Lihaku had the time of his life and wishes they didn't have to leave. Maomao is indebted to Verdigris House and has a year left at the Rear Palace to come up with the amount owed, or she'll be paying in a different way. The Madame already has plans for her.

Everyone comes to greet Maomao when she returns, happy to see her and eager to hear about her visit to home. Except Jinshi. Oh he's there, but he's pissed. Gaoshun doesn't approve.

Maomao meets with Jinshi privately and he's simmering with agitation, not bothering to hide his feelings or try to act formally. And oh, he actually is trying to stay cool, and utterly failing. He's worried about Lihaku! Bwahaha! Good work ladies of the Jade palace!

And no one has yet explained the significance of the hairpins to Maomao. She describes receiving a hairpin from Lihaku as receiving a consolation prize.

Jinshi: In other words, I lost to a consolation prize, then?

He's hurt. If she thinks of receiving a hair pin from Lihaku as merely a consolation prize, and she turned to Lihaku for help, how much lower must she think of Jinshi?

She decides to soothe his ruffled feathers and declares that she couldn't have chosen Jinshi because she would have had no way to repay him. Jinshi can't believe this shit.

Jinshi: This Lihaku person... Did you give him something in return?

Maomao: Yes. I bestowed a night of blissful dreams on him.

Friends. The gasp, I gasped at this! For such a smart person Maomao is dumb as hell!

And the psychic damage she inflicted on Jinshi! 💋🤌 She left that man catatonic.

It's exactly what Lady Gyokuyou and I have been waiting for. Lady Gyokuyou is laughing so hard she looks like she might pee herself. She loves to see Jinshi suffer and so do I.

Hongniang, smacks Maomao. And Gaoshun looks deeply unhappy. Probably because he is going to have to deal with a moping Jinshi.

I do feel bad for Jinshi. He really cares about Maomao and wants to get closer to her, but nothing he does seems to work. He's rebuffed at every turn.

It seems she would prefer anyone over him. And now she is bestowing her favor on someone else (Also, is Lihaku going to be okay? Jinshi's, like, mad mad that the guy asked for some kind of repayment). As a prince palace manager, Jinshi's probably rarely if ever lost out to someone else. And now the lady that he's interested in seems to prefer a low ranked officer, who barely put any effort into getting to know Maomao, and she just gives herself to him?

It was just a couple of episodes ago when Jinshi tried laying his hand on Maomao's shoulder and was told that his status makes anything between them impossible. It has to rankle. I feel for him.

On the other hand. Jinshi began his relationship with Maomao by manipulating her and trying to seduce her so that he could control her. That his plan has backfired on him, feels like justice.

Jinshi has started to get to know Maomao better, and I think he's starting to really see her, but he has to learn how to respect her too. He's getting there bit by bit, but in the meantime he will suffer.

Because Maomao doesn't trust him. She's not ready to let him in. She's too afraid of being vulnerable in the way that love demands. She's not ready to face her demons, much less share them. Certainly not with Jinshi. Not the man who can and has manipulated her in the past. The man who doesn't share what he knows. The man who has the power to destroy her with a word if she missteps. The man whose status is so far above her own. There are just so many unknowns when it comes to Jinshi.

Not to mention the secret of his identity.

If Jinshi wants to be loved, he will have to let himself be seen, and that will involve some radical honesty from him. He's not there yet. He doesn't want it bad enough yet. So he will suffer in his desire until then.

If you want to start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next Episode

Episode 9

[batofburnside]

Tell Me

Gekko x (Fem!)Reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Hi everyone! This is my first Gekko fanfic and my first fanfic posted on tumblr. I am hoping for this to be a 3+ parter. I used google translate for most of the Spanish that wasn’t just a few words so I apologize if anything gets lost in translation, I am not fluent.

TW: mentions of murder, angst, (kinda?) manipulation

Premise: Gekko is your boyfriend and has been for a few years. Before you made it official you were best friends and attached at the hip. You both attend the same college in LA. A few months ago he came to you and let you know he had received a scholarship to a prestigious and private university up north, and that he accepted it. What the reader doesn’t know is that there is no college and that he has been recruited into the top secret Valorant Protocol. He has been told by Brimstone, Sage, and Reyna that you and the people close to him are to know nothing about what he is up to. But as you start to sense his lies, will your relationship survive?

Words: 2.8K

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“Ta da!” You exclaimed, removing your hands from the view of the person who sat in front of you, allowing them to get a full view of their new hair in the mirror.

“Woah, mi Amor” Your boyfriend, Mateo, whispered as he inched closer to the mirror, a smirk forming on his lips while he took in his new hair color. Green - neon green in fact. When he had called you over for a surprise you didn’t expect that he was going to dye his hair before he moved away for his studies. You definitely didn’t expect that he chose neon green of all the colors.

As you mixed the color and applied it, you had silently mourned his beautiful blonde that was now to be covered. But, seeing the glimmer in his hazel eyes as you met his gaze through the mirror made all of your worry go away. He was certain this is what he needed as he moved away from his mom and from you.

“Do you like it?” You asked, nervous about your work. You had really only dyed your own hair once before. You were worried about patchy areas or leaving it on too long.

“Like it?” He replied back, “Me encanta, cariño! I love it! Thank you” Mateo turned around and moved the chair he was sitting on out of the way, scooping you up in his arms and spinning you. Your laughter harmonizes with his. As he places you back down on the ground, he cups your cheek before giving you a quick kiss. You lean into his kiss, trying to savor the last bit of time with him before he leaves.

“You know…” you start to say as you pull away, “I’ll always support you, but you don’t have to change yourself for new people” you said in regards to this change in his hair as well as the new tattoo he has been hiding under long sleeves. Mateo tenses up slightly at your words, involuntarily rubbing his wrist where his new tattoo lay on his skin. He wants nothing more than to tell you about Kingdom, about the Valorant Protocol, about everything. But for your safety, he can’t. So, as far as you know, he’s going to a private university up north to finish up his degree.

“I’m not changing for anyone, mi amor. These were just things I’ve been wanting to do for a while.” He says as he reaches his hand out to you, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “What’s this?” He smiles, “¿una sorpresa?” seeing a bit of new color in your hair hidden by your nape, twirling the new strand of neon green hair around his finger as he changes the topic.

Your face flushes red “well… I had to do a test strand and… now I have something to always remind me of you while you’re away.”

He chuckled slightly and hugged you tight, “Now we match. But, no te preocupes, I’ll video call you whenever I can. I promise, (y/n).”

You leaned into his hug, “I know, Teo. That doesn’t mean I won't miss you any less” you closed your eyes as you held onto him tight, struggling to prevent any tears from leaving. Mateo sighed slightly as he rested his chin on the top of your head. He pulled you in closer to him, one hand on the back of your head, the other wrapped around your shoulders. The decision to join the Valorant Protocol had weighed heavily on Mateo’s shoulders. It hurt him to leave you, more than you would ever know. But, he had to do this. He had to do this for his mom, for Reyna, and especially for you.

He loosens the hug, looking down at you. “Ey, why don’t we show my mom my new cabello?” He smiles, trying to cheer you up. You shake your head, “Teo no! She’ll kill me!” You laugh.

“Nah! I’ll tell her it was all my plan. Vamos!” He grabs your hand before you can protest and hurries out of his room, dragging you with him, “Ey¡ Mamá¡ Tengo algo que mostrarte¡'' he yells, while you giggle as he pulls you through his house.

The reaction from Mateo’s mom was roughly how you expected it to go. You watched as she went through the stages of grief in regards to seeing her son's natural hair replaced with Green. You had tried to stifle your laughter as Mateo tried to sheepishly explain his reason and thought process all while she yelled at him in Spanish. Eventually she gave in and had Mateo set the table for dinner. The rest of the night was how it normally went when you had dinner at Mateo’s house. You loved his mom’s home cooked meals, and gladly accepted the seconds she forced upon your plate. As you ate, you smiled at the shared banter between Mateo and his mom, laughing at the remarks and jokes you could understand. Normally you picked up a few words here and there, and a select few phrases when Mateo and his mom spoke in Spanish, which is a big improvement from when he first brought you over for dinner 4 years ago.

As the night ended, Mateo walked you to your car carrying a bin of homemade tamales his mom had packed up for you and your family. He pulled you in for a kiss before sending you off. “Drive safe, cariño. And text me when you get home, por favor.” He opened your car door for you and you nodded “of course, babe. I’ll see you tomorrow?” You asked, as you were going to be taking Mateo to the bus station to see him off.

“Sí, señora. I’ll see you tomorrow” he said, giving you another kiss on the cheek. “Te amo”. You returned his kiss before getting into your car, “Te amo también” you smiled. His eyes glimmered in the streetlights as he smiled, he loved hearing you say the phrases he taught you. He loved sharing his culture with you.

You pulled your car away from the curb and started your drive. Mateo waved as he watched you drive down the street, waiting to go inside until he saw your car disappear as it turned down another street. He walked inside and to his room, reaching under his head he pulled out a sash, similar to an over the shoulder bag, and set it on his bed. “Mi amigos, you can come on out now” he whispered as four tiny animal-like creatures appeared from the central area of the sash. A yellow one that stood on two legs, a blue one that floated in the air and seemed to have a hard shell of sorts on the top. A green ball that hopped straight into Mateo’s hand, and a pink creature that seemed to swim above the ground like a shark. The yellow creature walked up to Mateo, sensing any distress and grabbed onto his arm, noises similar to gargles emerging from the small creature. The man smiled as he understood what the creature was saying, “Thank you Wingman. I just sometimes wonder if I’m making the right choice. ?Sabes¿”

The blue creature came up to Mateo and rubbed against his cheek, while purring. He chuckled, “thank you, Dizzy. Unfortunately, I can’t tell (y/n). It would put her in danger, there is no way I can do that to her.

The shark-like creature grumbled, Mateo turned to it, “I’m sorry Thrash, I know you don’t like being hidden from her… or anytime, but it would just cause too many questions. Don’t worry girl, after tomorrow you won’t have to hide anymore.”

Just then, Mateo’s phone buzzed and he smiled seeing the text from you; ‘Home safe <3’.

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The ride from Mateo’s house to the bus station had your stomach filled with anxiety. You had been dreading the day he left, and had hoped somehow it wouldn’t come. But it was here, and in just a few minutes you would be dropping him off and would only see him maybe once or twice every few months. Mateo’s mom riding in the back of your car also did not help your anxiety. Of course you loved his mom, and you’ve known her for years, that still doesn’t mean that you weren’t absolutely terrified of embarrassing yourself in front of her.

Mateo noticed how stiff you held onto the steering wheel of your car. He reached over and placed his hand on one of your shoulders to try his best to smooth you, “(y/n), you alright?” He said. Before you could answer his mom spoke up, “Mateo! Don’t distract her while she’s driving, tu sabes mejor!”

Mateo groaned and pulled his hand away, turning his head towards the window as he rolled his eyes, “vamos mamá, está bien.”

His mom huffed, “no esta bien, Mateo! Es imprudente.”

“Mamá-“

“Sólo espero que no seas imprudente con el protocolo-“

You heard Mateo inhale as he turned around quickly in his seat, “¡No puedes hablar de eso! ¡tú lo sabes!“

“simplemente no quiero que te lastimes. Solo estoy asustada Mateo…”

He sighed, his voice changing from worry to understanding, “Lo sé mamá... Estaré a salvo, I promise.”

Mateo turned back in his seat and you looked in the rear view mirror to see his mom silently wiping underneath her eyes. “Is everything alright?” You asked in a whisper. Mateo nodded, “Sí. She's just worried about me being in a new place.” He said, telling part of the truth. “I understand that feeling,” you replied. “Well, like I told mamá, I’ll be fine, mi amor. I promise” he said resting a hand on your knee.

You looked back in the mirror again, to his mom silently trying to compose herself as more tears fell from her eyes and you wondered if that was truly what his mom was worried about.

After you pulled your car up to the bus station, you helped grab Mateo’s things out of the trunk while his mom pulled him into a hug while kissing his temple. “Mamá, chill” he laughed after the 4th or 5th temple kiss. He walked over to you and grabbed his bag from your hand, “(y/n) I got it! You should have let me help you.” He said as you handed him his skateboard. “I wanted to give you some time with your mom.” You smiled. He set his bag and skateboard on the ground before pulling you into a kiss, not caring that his mom was just 3 feet behind him, you wrapped his arms around him as you focused on how soft his lips felt. You wanted to memorize as much of his warmth, smell, and feelings before he left.

As you two separated, his eyes lit up, “I almost forgot! But I got you something.” He said as he started digging through a pocket on his bag. As he found what he was looking for, he pulled out a small jewelry box and handed it to you. You delicately took the small box and opened it to find a beautiful and tasteful heart shaped locket. Engraved on the back ‘for mi amor. Love, Teo’ “Oh my, Mateo…” you said, in shock. “How much did this cost you?” You asked, hoping he didn’t spend a ton of money on you.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said, grinning like a puppy, “open it.”

You took the pendant and saw the hinge where it opened. As it did you noticed the two pictures inside. One the left side was your first selfie with Mateo, shortly after you two began dating. He was kissing your cheek and your eyes were closed in a moment of bliss. On the right side of the locket held a more recent picture of you and Mateo. You two were both making silly faces at the camera, but it captured the essence of your relationship. “Those are two of my favorite pictures of us” He said, pulling you out of your memories. “I just wanted you to have something to hold close to your heart while I was away. I hope it’s not too…er..sappy?” he said, his face flushed as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Teo, thank you so much. I love it. Me encanta!” You said before throwing your arms around him. He held onto you tight before you both heard a familiar and soothing voice from behind you. “Que dulce, Mateo.”

You released your arms from Mateo and he set you down before looking in the direction of the voice, and his eyes lit up. “Zyanya!” He said, walking up to the tall and intimidating woman before giving her a hug.

“Mateo, (y/n), great to see you.” Zyanya said before walking up to Mateo’s mom and giving her a hug. You had met Zyanya before. You knew she wasn’t related to Mateo, but that she and Mateo’s mom had a close bond, and that he had always seen Zyanya as an aunt. Other than that, you didn’t know much about the woman. She was always friendly to you, as she knew you made Mateo happy. You refrained from asking her much about herself, as she always had this intimidating aura when she was around, and you couldn’t quite explain it.

“We better get going, cariño. The bus will be here soon.” Zyanya said to Mateo. You had heard Mateo mention before that Zyanya would be riding the bus and then train with him up to his school as she apparently lived nearby. This arrangement was apparently planned by his mother to ease her worries about him traveling alone, at least that’s what he told you.

Mateo nodded, “Sí, we should probably get to boarding.” He said, a solemn look flashing over his face as he looked to his mom and then towards you. He grabbed your hand and pulled you close, wiping away a tear that had fallen from your eyes without your permission. “I’ll text you as soon as I get there mi amor. And then I’ll video call you and show you my dorm, and you can help tell me where to put some decorations. Trato?”

You nodded, sniffling as more tears fell from your eyes. You wrapped your arms around him. Pulling him into another hug as he kissed the top of your head. “I have to go no, mi amor. Te amo mucho. More than anything” he whispered to you, before giving you a quick goodbye kiss.

After he pulled away he went over to his mom and pulled her into a hug, giving her a kiss on the top of her head as well. He whispered something in Spanish, that you couldn’t quite make out, but saw as his mom nodded and gave him a kiss on the temple. His mom exchanged a hug and a few words with Zyanya before the two of them walked to the doors of the bus station. Zyanya was the first to enter, Mateo took a pause as he turned around and waved before entering.

As the doors shut behind him, you couldn’t help but shake the pit of dread that had immediately fell into your stomach. He was just going to school? He would be back before you knew it for a visit. So why did you feel so anxious? The fact that you couldn’t visit him there had upset you when he first told you about it, but it was something you quickly got over. You understood some schools had weird and random rules. Or, at least that’s what you were telling yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you dropped Mateo’s mom back off at their house, you drove straight home. His mom of course sent you home with some food, which you put into the fridge to save for later as you had no appetite at the moment. You texted Mateo that you had dropped off his mom and made it home yourself, staring at the screen you waited for the usual instant reply, but nothing appeared. You stared at the screen for a few more seconds before scrolling away, you and Mateo had never shared your locations with each other so there was no need to try and see where he was. Maybe he had fallen asleep on the train? Or maybe he and Zyanya had to switch trains and were busy boarding. There were many scenarios you could think of, but each one was starting to bring back the pit of anxiety that had burrowed into your core. You put your phone face down on your desk and turned on some music to try and distract yourself from your mind. You knew the absence of Mateo was only going to get worse, in four years you haven’t gone a day without seeing him at least for a few minutes. Before you two were officially dating he was your best friend. Whether it was him bringing you lunch to work during your breaks, or your date nights, and the occasional sleep overs at your house your life was always filled with an aspect of him.

Hours later your dad knocked on your bedroom door and opened it, finding you struggling with your bed as you had pushed it from one end of the room to the other.

“Watcha doing?” Your dad said, trying to speak over the music you had blaring in your room.

“What??” You said, as you continued pushing your bed towards the other wall, not hearing your dad over the music. Your dad sighed as he walked into your room and made his way through the maze of furniture you had created. As he approached your speaker he turned the music down, pulling you out of your trance. The resistance of your bed finally up against the wall had you sink to the floor, catching your breath as you turned and rested your back against your bed.

“So….” Your dad started, “redecorating?”

“Mhm” you answered. Resting your head in your hands, not realizing how much energy you had actually used in the last few hours.

“Has Mateo updated you yet?” He asked

You paused, trying to pretend like you didn’t hear the question before you let out a soft, “no.”

Your dad walked over to you, sitting down quietly so that his back was also resting against your bed. “He will soon, maybe his service is really bad. You did say he was going to be up in the mountains up north? Right?”, he said, reaching over to rub your back.

You shook your head. It had been hours nearly 13 hours since he said goodbye to you at the station, and he hadn’t even texted you back yet or that he was safe, “no he probably met some better friends, and he’s going to forget about me” you said through ragged breaths, tears starting to form.

Your dad pulled you close, “you know that’s nonsense right? I’ve seen how he looks at you. That’s not something you can throw away after a few hours. Ever since your mother, I’ve been scared of me not being able to see the signs of someone who is not right for you. But with Mateo, I saw all the right signs of someone who would take care of you.”

You leaned into your dad, it had taken him a while to learn the right things to say for two daughters when they needed help. And even when he didn’t quite get it right, it always meant a lot to you. The First Light had affected many families in many different ways and for your family, your mom was in the wrong place at the wrong time when she was a victim of an armed bank robbery by two newly radianite humans trying to test out their new powers. Your dad stepping into your moms shoes when she died after you were only 12 and your sister was 8 sure wasn’t an easy role. But, you had so much appreciation for everything he had given for you and your sister.

“I love you, dad.” You said, sniffling as you regained your breath.

“I love you too, (nickname)” he replied, ruffling your hair. You laughed as you struggled away from your dads grasp. The sound of your phone vibrating, gaining your attention, you jumped up and ran over towards your desk, jumping over the furniture scattered about. You walked back over to your dad beaming, “it’s Teo!” You said.

“Hey, what did I tell you?” He shrugged. You rolled your eyes as you started pushing your father towards the door of your room, “I love you dad, but get out. Now! Please!!”

“I’m leaving. I’m leaving.” He said, sighing as you closed the door in his face. “It was so much easier before boys came into the picture.” He muttered while looking up towards the ceiling.

You answered your phone to Mateo’s smiling face, “(y/n)!! Mi amor, Te extraño mucho!!” He exclaimed though his smile faltered when he saw your eyes were red. “Querida, have you been crying?” He asked

You shook your head, “I’m okay, I missed you too, mi amor. How was your train and spending time with Zyanya?”

Mateo knew you were lying about not crying, but he also knew you enough to know that if you wanted to talk about it, you would. He just hoped that you were alright. “It was peaceful” He said, “you would have loved the views” he wasn’t really lying. He was sure the view he had from the helicopter to the remote island of the Valorant Protocol was on level with the view of mountains from a train ride.

“I'm sure!” You said, “did you take any pictures?”

“Oh, um.. Sí!! Yeah I’ll have to send them to you when we’re off the phone.” He replied.

Before you could ask him about his hesitation, you heard what sounded like a gargle coming from behind him. “Mierda!” He quickly jerked his camera to the right before setting it face down on his bed. His camera turned black as you heard him scramble about his room muttering something you couldn’t make out.

“Teo, are you alright?” You asked.

It took a second before he came back. “Lo siento, mi amor. I was trying to hook up this retro gaming system and it randomly turned on with the volume all the way up.” He said. He was feeling guilty about how much he was having to lie to you, but he couldn’t show it on his face.

“Oh! I see.” You laughed, “that’ll be fun once it starts working when you want it too.”

He chuckled slightly, his eyes looking over to one side of the room. “Sí”

“So, show me around your room!” You said.

Mateo smiled and nodded, “Sí señora”. He had already hidden everything that had to do with the Valorant Protocol, and set his “window” to a nice wooded view. He turned the camera around and showed you the bare bones of his room. It was bare with just a desk, bed, closet, and a dresser. Though, you couldn’t help but notice… there was no gaming system in his room. It wasn’t like him to lie to you, so you decided to let it go.

“Seems spacious” you replied. “Lots of room for activities. So, have you met anyone yet?”

“Yeah!” He said, enthusiastically. “There’s some people I think we would get along with. They’re a few doors over to me but I don’t know much about them yet. They seem nice though!”

You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy, you suddenly pictured all the times he would be hanging out with people he was meeting and how you would be left in LA. “That’s great.” You said

He noticed the sudden sullen look in your eyes and frowned, “(y/n), are you alright?” He asked.

As you went to answer him, an alarm went off in the background of his room and the lights began to flash red. “What is that!?” You asked.

“Uh.. Fire alarm!” He said loudly, an uneasy look on his face. “We were told it would be muy ruidoso. Don’t worry it’s just a drill but I have to go!” He said, trying to talk over the alarm. You noticed that there was a voice accompanying the alarm but you couldn’t make out what it said. “Te amo!” He yelled before the call ended.

“-Te amo-“ you tried to get it out in time for him to hear you but you were only left staring at the video image of yourself. You threw your phone down on your bed and sighed as you stared up to the ceiling. Something shady was going on. You didn’t want to believe it, but Mateo was lying to you about something, and you needed to get to the bottom of it.

[teruyakisser]

★ Yandere Teruya Alphabet ★ (SDRA2)

Warnings: Obsessed and a little bit of psychopathic behavior, kidnapping, threats, guns.

Spoiler alert? Yes.

Gender: Neutral

💚 Teruya Otori 🌈

Affection: How do they show their affection for their darling? How often do they show it?

This palm tree man is always affectionate and cuddly with you at every given moment.

He survived the last previous killing game and now he got himself wrapped up in another.

He's afraid of someone killing you on the spot anytime and anywhere so he wants to be close to you at all times.

Hearing your heart beat next to him while you both are cuddling is enough to make him relax and be happy that you're still alive.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get for their darling? Why?

He never plans on killing anyone, but he surely doesn't have a problem doing that if it means he can protect his darling and ensure they are safe and happy.

He's a nice and sweet 6'4 man.

But he isn't afraid of taking matters into his own hands to protect what he believes in or what's special to him. He got that from Kinjo :)

So yeah if he does murders, it probably won't be gorey but it also won't be nice either.

Cruelty or Care: How would they treat their darling when they kidnap them? Would they mock them?

He'll treat you the way he treated everyone else when he locked them in the break room after Kanade and Hibiki's trial.

But the thing is he won't be as harsh on you and threaten to shoot you if you defy him.

But that doesn't mean he'll succumb to your sad or angry behavior if you tell him to let you and everyone out.

He's just trying to protect you dear, why can't you see that?

He loves you dearly but this is for your own good.

Delusion: How delusional are they when it comes to their darling? Do they believe their darling loves them?

He got that crazy side of him from Kinjo, but he takes it to another degree by locking everyone up and threatening with a gun.

You definitely drive him crazy and a bunch of scenarios of you dying in his mind just makes him even more obsessed with keeping you away from others to ensure you're safe.

He believes you love him...he wants to survive this killing game with you. You surely thank him for keeping you safe, right?

Expose: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? How much time will it take to trust them?

When he first arrived on the island with Rei, he didn't expect to see you here. He got distracted by your presence that he didn't see Mikado incinerating Rei on the spot, leaving her a pile of ashes.

He isn't directly vulnerable when he is around you being in public that is, but he does trust you enough to drop his guard down completely when you both are alone.

He wants to drop his guard down in public too...but the fact you're in a killing game just sends a shiver down his spine. He has to worry about the others coming to kill you at any given opportunity.

Fight: How would they react if their darling fought back?

He won't be bothered by it, but after a couple of attempts he will surely get annoyed and tie you up.

This is your punishment for misbehaving even if you had already calmed down.

He's not the type of getting angry at you, but he will if you piss him off any longer.

Guilt: What would it take for them to feel guilty about their actions? Or do they feel guilty from the start?

He definitely feels guilt about locking you up against your will, but this is the only way he can prevent a murder from occurring while keeping you safe at the same time.

He even locked Mikado up as well so he doesn't try anything funny. But don't worry dear, he made sure to tie up that rascal.

He feels guilty but at the same time he doesn't regret his decisions.

You and him will escape this killing game together.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Remember that scene with him and Mikado after he accuses Mikado of locking the tower's door so nobody could leave?

Yeah, that's you and him after you did something to piss him off to another degree.

Stop being a bitch and understand that he's trying to keep you safe until the Kisaragi Foundation comes to the rescue.

His face is completely red from anger that you're too scared to say another word that'll make him even more angry.

He won't shoot you, but he never said that he wouldn't hit you as punishment for misbehaving.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

The future? he loves the future.

In fact, he met you in the last killing game where he survived with Rei and Tsurugi...and of course you.

But you disappeared and he wasn't sure why until he finds you on an island in another killing game that was hosted by a remnant of despair.

For the future, he wants a world where you don't have to worry about the remnants of despair creating a bunch of killing games and tragedies.

He'll protect others as well, but you're his first priority.❤️

Jealousy: How easily do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He doesn't get jealous just by seeing you talking with someone that isn't him. But he will eavesdrop on your conversations.

If he doesn't like what he's hearing he will pull you away from that person you were talking to and give them a glare they'll never forget.

And if that person was trying to flirt with you, they better be ready to be held at gun point with you begging Teruya to stop.

Kidnap: How would they go about kidnapping their darling? How much do they plan it out?

He doesn't plan he just gets straight to the point and nobody knows you he kidnapped you until they notice you're not showing up to breakfast lately.

Love Letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

His love language is gifting and quality time★

Being a former merchant. He's probably freaking rich so he doesn't mind getting you gifts let alone expensive ones too!

He either gives them to you in person or he might leave them next to your room door.

He loves making clothes for you as well!💚💚

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they acted before?

Considering how he acted towards everyone when he locked them up, I don't think he has a problem with showing his true colors.

Whether how sweet and energetic he is or how he can be a complete insane mad man.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Why would you be naughty in the first place?

After he ties you up he will also take away your cuddling and affection privileges depending on how angry you made him.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? What rights can be earned with time and trust?

If you have a natural hobby such as painting, writing, drawing, or whatever. He doesn't mind letting you have the freedom to do that.

You can also play games on your student handbook but Teruya will be nosey....

He basically trusts you to do anything on your own as long as you're not trying to escape from him.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He's patient with everyone.

The only time when he isn't patient is when he is angry.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If someone kills you, he won't be so nice to whoever killed you...If violence wasn't a rule that person would be on the floor begging for mercy after being beaten by Teruya.

If you kill yourself, he'll probably cry until his tears are flowing like a waterfall and end up flooding the place.

If you escape or leave, he doesn't mind doing a cat and mouse chase game with you..afterall you might be punished even more for escaping the person who is literally trying to prevent you from being killed.

Being chased by a 6'4 tall person would be a nightmare in my opinion....

Rage: How do they act when angry? How do they calm down?

You already know him.

He doesn't inflict any violence on anyone unless they pissed him off.

Mikado for instance, the sight of him is enough to bother Teruya.

You're the only one who could potentially calm him down unless he's mad at you.

Soulmate: What made them fall in love with their darling? How did they first meet? When did they realize they loved their darling?

His sweet and energetic nature is what drew you close to him when you both first met at the last killing game.

You love his accent and his personality.

Teruya became a yandere after you both were dating for a while.

He's never dated anyone before so he was bound to be nervous into the relationship at some point.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He doesn't like seeing you cry at all.

He's completely weak to your crying and he will stop anything he's doing to comfort you.

If you isolate yourself from him, he'll tell you to knock it off.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Nope, except by locking you up against your will all because he wants to protect you.

Visit: Would they allow anyone else to visit their darling? Do they trust their darling to talk to their loved ones (in person, on the phone, etc.) or not at all?

Tsurugi and Rei are an exception, but everyone else? no.

Weakness: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

You can cry all day and Teruya won't even move a muscle until you stop crying.

You know how special his hat and scarf are to him. You can threaten to rip them up and he will let you go after having a brief shock moment.

But be ready to be hunt down by a enraged Teruya.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He doesn't worship you in that kind of way.

But he is obsessed with you.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

4 weeks.

Zero Tolerance: What is the thing that always makes them snap? What things will they not allow their darling to do under any circumstances?

You trying to escape from him or defying his orders to stay put.

Did you forget you're in a killing game? He cannot allow you to become a victim.

[bluginkgo]

Debunking Old Theories

As a fun way to see what was wrong and what was right, I decided to go back to all of my old theories and see which ones are the craziest XD

Spoilers duh, oh and gore warning? Kinda?

I mean... that scary *ss mother facking thing towards the end- you know what I'm talking about if you watched the ep 😅

This theory was me going into a long chat about who the double x'ed eyed person could be on the poster that was teased waaaay back when. Although I did not out right say who it could have possibly been, I did notice I had some interesting thoughts going on.

"What if the double x'ed character is someone we already know... but is dead? A character that is confirmed/somewhat confirmed to be dead can return back to life, and their body forced to move by the absolute solver."

So the idea was sort of there. That the solver basically took the body of someone presumed dead and forced it to move.

I suppose it kind of works. Tessa, at this point, seems very much so dead. And her skin was used to get a drone through the security system.

This theory was made in a random fit of craziness I think. And basically talked about how Uzi's admin program could allow for DDs to tap into the Absolute Solver powers without becoming fully corrupted (based off of @/jazzstarrlight's concept art). Thus, turning into Uzi and Doll with solver powers. Although this might happen in ep8, I'm highly doubtful. But I was right about this:

"Uzi did SOMETHING, who knows what at this point, but her switching the admin program is important. Given that N and V haven't turned into the gooey flesh monsters quite yet like we see in Home, I'd say absolute solver string is still blocked to a certain degree."

And sure enough, the admin program holds out. Preventing the Absolute Solver to corrupt DDs and force them to become mindless murder drones that they were back on Earth.

This theory was taking a jab at the figure we saw in ep4.

And I attempted to reason as to who made the image. First shot was Doll, and that's a hard no lol. Second shot was the double X'ed person and well...

I guess I was right? The thing that Tessa is now, is just a solver drone wearing human skin. And she has all the solver drone powers, being able to call forth the claws and teleportation powers seen with the Absolute Solver. So for her to create the image, or it IS the entity wearing Tessa's skin, is not too far fetched. @brookiedaaroacecookie I saw your tag, and realized I had attempted something similar a very long time ago... 😅

This theory had me going crazy over solver's laughter. Easily debunked. It was aesthetic choice. Also the line "Hahahaha, thanks for giving me the planet. Fricking idiot." Never made it into ep7, but I will not put it past Liam to use this in ep8 instead! Addressing either N or Uzi.

N: Thanks for giving me yet another planet. You unintentionally lead Uzi straight into her demise, and thus set off the second core collapse.

Uzi: Thanks for giving me the planet. You dummy who jumped in to sacrifice yourself and save N.

This theory had me going in to how Tessa was suspicious. Debunk this little sh*t real quick, most of this was wrong :3 J was sent out to "mind the ship" to destroy the escape pod that Uzi has been working on. It's still unclear to me whether J is siding with Tessa entity because she believes that's the true Tessa, or simply because she knows that it is the Absolute Solver wearing skin of a human. Something I did notice as well was I mentioned Tessa's hand injury. It never came up in this episode. But you know what my crazy brain did? Made another theory!

So the Absolute Solver did tell Tessa "You will not have to discard your pets, and I will not discard you." But hang on a second. The Absolute Solver appears to have skinned Tessa and used her, how is this not discarding? To back this up a little, the solver did in fact keep its promise. It allowed the main DD trio to keep their personalities. The "pets" were not discarded. Now as for Tessa, she was not discarded either- Ginkgo you crazy idiot, she's dead, that's her skin. But that's exactly it. The Absolute Solver, like any good villain, is capable to playing with words. It never specified what "discarding" meant, or to what degree. Just like with the DDs, Tessa was also not discarded. She was repurposed. Her skin used to further the Absolute Solver's plans just like the DDs were. Could I be wrong and could this skin actually not be Tessa? Sure, there's always that chance! But with how Tessa entity looked and acted, I'll stick by the idea that she's very much dead.

Back to the hand injury though, here's the theory I came up with. The Absolute Solver may or may not have kept Tessa alive post the gala massacre.

After all, the image is still redacted, and we do not know if by then the solver already had used her to create the monstrosity that is 1001. But if the solver did keep her alive, it kept its promise. Tessa was not discarded. But perhaps a condition of hers caused her body to slowly wither away. In a fit of fear, she might have gone to the solver for help. So the solver gave her purpose. Crazy idea? Yup, nothing new here XD

This theory is also very out there XD The summary of it is that I believe Cyn is on the good side. Because why send out DDs with a way of blocking out the Absolute Solver instead of fully corrupting them? Why send out DDs to a hub that had two very powerful solver drones? I'll put this theory to rest I believe. Because at this point, Cyn appears to be very much so dead. Whatever corporal body she may have had back at the manor is now gone, basing it off of the massacre that was on Earth. Another quote that made me realize that this was all just the Absolute Solver playing around was this:

N was the main reason that the Absolute Solver allowed the DD trio to keep their personalities. This means that the administration CYN was in place to keep the solver from corrupting the trio just to keep their personalities. All of this just because the solver enjoyed watching the trio run around believing like they can do something to fix this huge mess. Now, are there chances of Cyn still reappearing and helping the gang? Sure! I don't see why not. And I'll be pleasantly surprised if Liam does pull that route.

This theory has Cyn! To summarize this one, I basically took another attempt on figuring out how Liam's drawing of Cyn in the sea of red could be relevant. Of course, it did not show up this time around, but I noticed a couple things that I said kind of lined up.

"I can imagine it, N and Uzi fighting whatever the thing is in the Cabin Fever labs. Uzi somehow ends up either being knocked out or full possession occurs, either way, her subconsciousness is transported into this realm of red." Well uhh...

Not quite red... but somewhere!

"This might be the place where all the hosts' minds connect- the hive mind/cloud based system. Here, Uzi might meet Cyn and even Nori- I know I'm stretching it, but this is just me rambling my own thoughts. And keeping on with my belief in good Cyn theory, Cyn might help Uzi out. She might tell Uzi the origin of the absolute solver- how the AI error came about. Uzi might end up chatting with Cyn or directly with the Absolute Solver, all the while her body is posessed by the said Absolute Solver. She'd be going on another rampage, probably fighting N."

So we do find that Nori is still in fact alive, though after getting punted like a ball into the Absolute Solver hole, I'm not quite sure. XD But I will keep this theory for ep8 for now. The idea that Cyn's mind may connect and chat with Uzi is still quite appealing to me. And well, I guess Uzi did fight with N. And I will keep that theory too and simply carry it over to ep8. We know the last mural is of N, and he will most likely be fighting the very last Absolute Solver form. Uzi's consciousness may connect with that form and work together with N from the inside to get rid of the solver on Copper-9 for good.

This theory had me going crazy about Uzi's core. Because up until now, we don't really get to see her core very well. Perhaps its the design, but at times when the angles are right, we ought to see the WD hat picture poking through... but we don't. There's two routes from here still:

Either its just an animation detail that is unimportant. This is just simply how she was designed

Something is still hiding there. This one, I'm quickly losing faith on. Because when we saw Nori, her symbol was normal- turned yellow when possessed of course, but that is understandable. There was nothing that was off about Nori, Yeva, or Doll and their cores. I do not see how Uzi's core will be any different. Instead, I wanna know WHAT THE FACK THIS IS XD

This theory was a chat about Tessa's three ships. And this one still stumps me. Because Tessa was there for the sole purpose of getting down into the lab, finding out how many more of the hosts were left, kill them, get the crucifix, destroy it, and maybe send Copper-9 off into another core collapse. If that's the case, and with how she has been engineered... WHY DOES SHE NEED THREE SHIPS??? Most of them were filled with junk, unless they do hold something important that we have yet to see. For now, this one is gonna be burning in the back. Because this was either a diversion and a way to make us believe that this Tessa may have been real, or they actually serve a purpose.

This theory was regarding the teaser and how maybe Uzi would have to go through an exorcism. Ahahaha, yeah, so there was exorcism! IN FORM OF SLAPS FROM NORI XD and uhhh... a "sacrifice" on Uzi's part ;w;

This theory was on the teaser that was released. And it is this one that will be the most FUN to gut >:3

First, the corridor with the sentinels never made it into the actual episode. Which makes me leave V as MIA still. Delusional? Perhaps, most likely. But like I said. I will not call her dead until I see a body or an eldrich version of her. The one that was in the cathedral was a mere hologram.

Concerned N... AHAHAHAHAHH I WAS SO WRONG LET'S GO!!! N was very upset, yes, but not about something he saw ahead, but about something the gang left BEHIND: V. That entire scene is gonna be on my mind for a bit too long.

The vortex around the cathedral took place during the flashback scene... but still doesn't really explain why there's RAIN in a CAVE. But oh well XD

So I was somewhat right about the sequence of events with "Dr. Chambers" and Uzi watching the tape. More so on the fact that whatever Uzi watched on the tape made her solver go haywire.

Welp, Tessa did help Uzi in this scene ;w; My poor soul, the NUzi angst is delicious but dangit it's still angst.

And I was wrong about Khan being there... KIND OF. Cause he still showed up XD But yes, the gravity did take a quick break because the Absolute Solver in the core is starting to act out.

Feral N was not killing Nori, at least not in this scene XD Man, that entire sequence had my jaw on the floor. It was amazing.

Uzi's eye did burst, from strain of using the solver to... *sobs* protect from N's mindless rage and attempts to clear the elevator. ;w; UGH that scene is gonna be stuck with me for a long while.

Well, the theory that Doll is fighting with Tessa did come true- but I also theorized using all the characters, so it wasn't quite fair.

Omg it's that math meme XD But hey, I had the Nori part! This was Nori and she was being contained in this manner because the new patch of the Absolute Solver was making her go haywire.

And finally this theory. "Now, as for the crack theory: I think the absolute solver is now the center/core of copper-9."

Well... Kind of I guess? But we don't get to see the extent of it. We simply shown how deep the hole truly is, and it can easily reach into the core of the planet. "But what if you take 10, or 50, or 100 corrupted cores and fuse them together? Sure, a single solver drone may not make that big of an impact, but we don't know how long the list of drones that were experimented on down in the labs was." Answer is at the very least 129 drones XD

Let me know if I missed any of my old theories. I've been doing nothing but typing out theories for the past 2 days straight. ;w; What hyper fixations do to you, am I right? XD But in all honesty, this was ridiculously fun. And kind of surprising that some of my stupid ideas did have bits and pieces that were right!

Want more of my stupid rambles? This has 3 other parts! ;w;

[soberscientistlife]

Most abortions are now banned in 20 states following the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. Fourteen of these states have abortion bans after just 6 weeks of pregnancy.

This is not okay, not reasonable, and definitely not acceptable. If you don’t know me well, maybe you don’t know what I do for a living. I’m an ultrasound technologist. My colleagues and I look at babies in every stage of pregnancy every day. I also work in a high risk unit. My unit and I look at babies and mothers in varying states of mental and physical health. If you think an abortion ban sounds good, then I am a good person to ask about why it isn’t.

So let me tell you:

About the woman whose baby developed with no skull, and the brain just floating around. Her baby still had a heartbeat, and she would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman whose baby has a rare chromosomal condition called T13. Her baby’s organs grew outside its body, and had a cleft palate so bad that there was no nose. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman whose blood pressure is spiking so high that she passes out and is likely to stroke out before her baby is born. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman with such a severe form of hemophilia that giving birth will probably be fatal to both her and the baby. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the 13 year old whose school isn’t allowed to teach her science-based sex-education, so she didn’t know how to prevent pregnancy or STIs, but whose body is not developed enough to carry to term without being damaged. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman who was raped by a friend who wanted to “make sure she got home safely”. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman who has PCOS so only has periods every 3-4 months and can’t find a birth control that works for her. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman whose abusive partner removed the condom without telling her (it’s called stealthing, and it happens more frequently than you’d think). She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman with the cornual ectopic pregnancy that isn’t reliably in the uterus, and could grow to a size that will kill her. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman who has two kids she can barely feed already, and whose birth control just increased in price. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the 18 year old who just started college and is going to be the first graduate of the family if she can just stay in school. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the woman whose IUD slipped slightly and is now endangering both her and the pregnancy it was designed to prevent. She would not be able to access abortion.

About the many, many, many women who just don’t want to be pregnant for reasons that are their own. Health issues, abusive relationships, financial issues, social issues. They would not be able to access abortion.

Some of these might sound like reasonable exceptions to you. And you would be correct. But no one should get to decide what happens with another person’s body, not even to save a life. You need written permission from a corpse before life saving organs can be taken from them. You cannot be forced to donate blood, no matter how dire the situation. And no one else should get to decide what a woman does with her body, end of story.

But it’s not the end of the story, is it? Because here’s the kicker: if you consider abortion to be a murder (and some people genuinely believe that!) then miscarriage can be second degree murder. And this is already happening all over the world - El Salvador, Ecuador, and the US of A. Women are being jailed for miscarriages and stillbirths because they might have done something to cause it. If you start down this path of jailing women and doctors for making healthcare decisions that affect no one but themselves, then you get women who don’t go to a doctor for a safe procedure and instead order pills online or use whatever metal instruments they can find to end their own pregnancies. Women who are honestly experiencing a miscarriage (which is medically called a spontaneous abortion, just fyi) will not go to their doctor for help. They will bleed out on their bathroom floors or die of septic shock. And I haven’t even talked about how this will disproportionately affect women of color, LGBTQA+ women, or trans men. This isn’t about the “sanctity of life” anymore. It’s about controlling women.”

Sena Garven

This is happening in America.

[abnormalityjoseph]

Corey Cunningham • Inviting The Shape into Your House [Headcanons]

- Okay. Look-

- Corey, your best friend [and/or significant other], is just a lovable guy who’s judged harshly for an accident.

- So how the hell did Corey run into Michael fucking Myers??

- He won’t tell you, and Michael doesn’t talk

-> So..your probably never know.

-> Uh, unless you’re like..Corey’s accomplice or something. In murder. Then you’ve got a good idea.

- You realized Michael wasn’t there to kill you the second Corey had to walk in and get between the two of you.

-> What was he intervening you ask? Well, it’s normal to assume one would freak out and grab a knife to defend yourself against The Shape himself.

-> “Look I can explain-“

“COREY THAT’S MICHAEL MYERS.”

“I KNOW—“

- After that…interesting first meeting, Michael just acted like a silently judging house cat.

-> Or, a silent yet very protective father, if you’re with Corey romantically.

- The Shape blankly staring as you request to tend to his wounds, or if you request anything of him.

- Corey says he nice. And, while you’d prefer it, there’s a high chance Myers will never listen to you if you asked him to leave.

- Corey has to translate the..head tilting and staring…because you have no idea what they mean.

-> Corey actually doesn’t…really know either?? But his guesses are very accurate. And he knows the stare of disapproval.

- Eventually, gradually, Michael will begin to tolerate you. Initially he would just show up to get a better knife/any random weapon he could retrieve from your house

-> But now he…cleans them. Like you can just see him wash a bloody knife before putting it away in the correct place and walking away and it’s weird but nice??

- Corey is very happy that you’re okay with his mentor coming and going. Though it seems he sees Michael more like a father figure than a mentor.

-> Which, well? You can’t say anything. Corey never really knew his biological father, and Ronald wasn’t really…apart of how he was raised.

- Michael initially tolerated you via not murdering you. But now he will actually listen to you [to a degree.]

-> So if you were to let’s say…ask him to wipe his feet before coming in, he would.

-> Considering he’s been showing up so frequently and you haven’t called the police on him or Corey, Michael thinks it wouldn’t hurt to listen.

- Corey used to clean up and dress Michael’s wounds by himself, and Michael did the same for him, but now you get to help them both out with preventing death from blood loss! Yay!

- And, lucky for you, Michael was able to be convinced to shower from being in the sewer. Err…well he mostly just hoses himself down outside before coming in.

-> It’s a miracle Michael hasn’t gotten sick.

- And if you’re dating Corey?

-> Michael’s staring fulfills the “You are not good enough for my son” vibe very well.

-> Corey kept talking about you while they were on the way to your house, so he initially thought you were just a close confidant. Something he didn’t really..have—

- Look, Corey said he came to your house to get patched up and Michael thought it wouldn’t hurt to find out if his protégé’s confidant was trustworthy.

- And, you are. Considering how you opened the door and let Corey in immediately despite the blood all over his clothes.

- Michael slipped into your house from the backdoor after Corey gave the green light.

- And he did expect the scare you had when he showed up. But Michael was a bit surprised how quickly Corey had talked you down.

- After a couple a lot of visits, Michael has come to the conclusion that you might be good enough a trustworthy romantic partner confidant for Corey.

-> A conclusion that took a lot of time to make, as well as several moments of Corey ranting about how amazing and special you are. The latter mostly convinced him.

- You can imagine Michael confusedly staring at Corey after visiting your house for the first time (and it’ll probably be accurate to what I’m thinking).

-> “What?”

“…”

“They’re…really nice to me.”

-> AND THEN JUST A NOD OF ACKNOWLEDGMENT FROM MICHEL BECAUSE COREY IS NOTHING BUT OBVIOUS WITH HIS LOVE FOR YOU

- The only way you realized Michael approved of your relationship with his son protégé was when he left a bloody bouquet of flowers with a congrats card

-> He did, in fact, kill the people he stole that from.

-> Oh, and if that odd gift wasn’t enough Corey most defiantly came to you immediately after he realized the stare he saw Michael give was the stare of approval.

- So..you somehow got The Shape’s approval to date his apprentice.

-> That does mean you’ve got two slashers ready to help you if anything happens.

-> But you will have to help patch up both of them after their excursions. At least stop any injury from getting infected.

•••••

I see my fellow Corey enjoyers are finding my headcanons. This one is kinda short though, sorry.

Any ideas for headcanons may or may not be used.

[light-lanterne]

(i don't typically talk about him but i saw a gifset about the ordeal so here, some byers angst)

tw // vague descriptions of murder / trauma - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ☽ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - another offering, @byelerss, @catboy-cabin, @conanssummerchild, @dark-quill, @fenixashes, @fluffyfangirl, @foodiewithdahoodie, @holyvirgilscriptures, @hyperfixationcentralsvoid, @ivytheenbyfae, @runninguplenorahills, @rotisseries, @saffirez, @willow-lark, @yearninginblue. once again, not byler so i hope this is okei ~

headcanon that jonathan and argyle shared some classes together, but they only really started talking because jonathan was actively searching to get some weed and knew argyle had access to it. shy and awkward, jonathan would avoid conversation for the first few weeks, say he needed the weed only because he was curious about it,,, if needed, he'd pretend that he had insomnia and thought it would help.

nothing major.

however, as he befriended the kind and patient argyle, jonathan would slowly open up about his very stressful childhood and all the pressures he'd been under since he became old enough to care for himself (working to sustain their family, raising will even though he was still a child himself,,,). then, he'd eventually open up about will's disappearance, his feelings of guilt, and maybe even allude to some of the events of the past few years.

but none of those were the real reason behind his initial craving for self-medication. sure, all those events probably contributed to his growing anxiety, but something had been haunting him for a while, and that event on its own had been the reason he even considered using drugs even though will and el still needed him.

and that was the fact that he murdered tom holloway.

an asshole in life and a terrible threat as he became flayed, tom was not someone jonathan particularly cared about or missed now that he was gone. however, the fact that he had taken another human's life, even if necessary, was something he wished he could take back.

at the very least, he wished he had someone to talk about it for it kept plaguing his mind.

but he couldn't tell anyone. hopper was gone, his mom was already quite prone to stress, argyle was in the dark, and the kids were obviously out of the question. the only person he could really talk about it with; the only person who could truly get it was nancy, and she had seemingly not given the incident a second thought ever since it happened.

she was, after all, one of the strongest people jonathan knew. brave, logical, stubborn, and always ready to do whatever it took to protect her friends and family. nancy wheeler was a woman of strong convictions and relentless will, and having to bash a possessed man's head into a pulp was merely a means to an end. her way of preventing any of her loved ones from sharing barbara's grim fate.

and he ?

he was plain old jonathan.

the kid who'd cried the time he had to kill a rabbit and now, eight years later, the teen who struggled to breathe every time he remembered the face of the man he'd murdered.

so weed it was, and with luck, it'd bring him the sweet oblivion he desperately craved.

- the end -

(will forever be upset at the way this fandom acts like the kids and teens committing acts of violence is heroic or badass, when in reality it's nothing but a series of incredibly traumatic events that would leave them all with varying degrees of permanent mental damage :\ )

[away-ward]

I haven’t read Hideaway in a while, but is it ever told how Kai’s father felt about his arrest? If it’s possible (no pressure luv) can you expand on their relationship, I’m just in love with their dynamic 😔

I would love to talk about Kai’s relationship with his father! I’ll admit, it’s also been a while since I read Hideaway in its entirety and the last time that I read it, I only read Banks’ chapters. So, I’m mostly talking about my assumptions. As always, I’ll try to bring up references.

Early on, Kai reveals that he resents his father. It’s hard to understand why, at first. By all accounts, including Kai’s, his father is a patient man. He doesn’t yell or expect Kai to fall in line with his decisions. In fact, all he wants is for Kai (and his friends) to be better. It seems his only crime is wanting them to make good decisions. The horror, the burden.

As a teenager, Kai knows his father is aware of the things he and his friends get up to, especially on Devil’s Night. Yet, Katsu doesn’t prevent him from making this choice. Kai also knows that his decisions disappoint his father, but he has no intention of stopping.

If you’d ask Kai, he’d probably say that he doesn’t have much of anything in common with his father. Still, Kai has a tremendous amount of respect for Katsu. He speaks highly of him; he’s a young father in good shape, and nothing like the fathers of his friends, who he finds deplorable in nature.

After his release from prison, Kai feels the weight of Katsu’s disappointment more than ever. It’s compounded with his own. He really has problems processing what he went through; he came from a good home, with a solid upbringing. How did he end up in prison next to murderers? How did he end up nearly killing someone? How did his life get away from him?

The disappointment hounds him every waking moment. It builds in him, and by the start of Hideaway, all he wants is to prove himself; to prove that he’s not wasted what’s been handed to him. He still can’t look his father in the eye.

So he tries to make the right choices; to be the good son.

He has a college degree – it’s not enough.

He buys a home – it’s not enough.

He builds a dojo – it’s not enough.

Nothing is enough to please his father.

And then comes Banks. She gives him a place to direct that hunger. Suddenly, he can do anything… if it’s for her. Nothing is off limits. It doesn’t matter that the girl he wants wasn’t valedictorian, or class president, or a member of chess club (sorry, I don’t actually remember Chole all that well, but you get the point), or Gabriel Torrance's daughter. It doesn’t matter that Banks isn’t the girl his father would approve of.

Like how he was before prison, Kai wants to make his father happy, but not at the expense of himself. His father will be disappointed, but that matters less than him getting Banks.

However…Kai doesn’t see his father quite as clearly as he thinks he does.

That whole year of trying to be the son his father could be proud of; trying to erase the damage he'd done, so he could look his father in the eye. None of that was because of Katsu. It was his own self Kai couldn't face.

(I originally highlighted this because it's yet another way Kai makes sure to point out how he's less than his father, but now thinking about it, the piece of art that Rika says looks like him, is a figure without a face, strokes going outside the lines. Kai is a mystery to most people, and a rule breaker to those who do know him, which is probably what Rika was thinking. But in HA specifically, he's lost himself. He's faceless, not knowing where he's going, and I thought it was funny.)

But that doesn't answer your question. Your question was how did Katsu feel about Kai’s arrest? It’s never told in the narrative. But there is a letter floating about out there on the web, written by Katsu, to his wife Tori a little while after Madden was born. And through that, we get some insight into how Katsu really feels about his son.

He talks about how he and Tori met, how he stole her away from her life because he loved how strong and thoughtful she was. And in this, he admits that Kai is more like him than he thinks.

But it's not just in stealing the girl. They both blamed themselves for Kai's faults.

He compares the love between Kai and Nikova to his and his wife's - which, in the series, is the strongest marriage we're ever given insight into (the Grayson's have a good life, we never even meet Will's parents, so it's a moot point).

Kai thinks that Katsu is disappointed, and that he didn't live up to his father's expectations. He doesn't have the right kind of woman, or the right kind of friends. He didn't make the right choices.

The reality is that Katsu loves his son so much, Kai could never comprehend it. He's so proud of what Kai has accomplished.

I don't know if I've covered they're dynamic well enough. What I do know, is that these men do not open up to each other. They mainly talk to through Kai's mother, who seems to have a tap on both of their emotional and mental states. However, both Kai and his father are extremely proud of each other. Kai holds his father above all others, and Katsu thinks the world of Kai.

It didn't really fit in here, but I especially thought this was noteworthy:

When Damon burns the dojo down, Kai thinks about everything that's lost, but specifically about the weapon's his father donated. And I thought how sad that his father can put such faith in him, donate such important items, and Kai still doesn't see his approval.

Kai's always been blind to how deeply his father loves him.

Thanks for the ask! Hope this answered your question. As I mentioned, I'm not wholly familiar with Hideaway or Kai's character as I am with NF, so if any KaiBanks enthusiasts want to add to this, please feel free. All comments welcomed.

-KO

[ph4os]

So... this is a serious post which however may touch the sensitivity of many people, which is why, before reading, I warn you that I will talk about feminicide, harassment and stalking. I also put a divider right under these warnings to prevent someone who hasn't read this first part from reading something and feeling triggered while scrolling.

Today in Italy, after exactly a week, the body of a girl who disappeared together with her ex was finally found. The killer's lawyer (that's still at large, supposedly in AUSTRIA) said that this murder was not premeditated, that he loved her because "he always made biscuits for her". [Do you know where the fuck you can put those shitty biscuits? I'll tell you, up your ass.] The truth was that he didn't love her, he was obsessed with her. He was jealous of her. He was jealous of the fact that yesterday she would graduate while he didn't, he was out of class and would probably never get the degree. He was jealous that she was able to make a life without him. The killer's acquaintances, his family, are filling the newspapers saying that he was a very good boy. Now I have to ask myself something: men always justify themselves by saying "not all men" that "men who do these things stand out, you can see when a man is dangerous". So why, every time something like this happens, the people around the killer always say that he was a "good guy, polite and with sound principles"? Do you realize the bullshit you're talking about? Do you see the inconsistencies or am I the crazy one? You know what else is absurd? The fact that the media continues to use photos of the two of them together, from when they were engaged. It's crazy that they refer to him as her ex. He's not her ex. He is her killer. He is a MURDERER, a fugitive, an outlaw. NOT. HER. EX. It's a horrible thing to say, but part of me wants him to kill himself too, because people like that don't deserve to be in the world and I know for a fact that if they ever catch him, he'll be out of prison after a couple of years for good conduct and, consequently, Giulia will never have the justice she deserves.

Three hours after this news another very similar one arrived: another woman, a nurse, was shot by her husband who was jealous because she was very good at her job and very well liked by patients.

It's not normal. It's not normal that I was molested by an eighteen year old boy wen I was in eighth grade. It's not normal that he stalked me for 2 years. It's not normal that if Covid hadn't divided us I probably wouldn't be here writing now. It is not normal that I should be afraid to go out in my city for fear of die like one of these poor women. It's not normal that my best friend, even though she's never been harassed, is still afraid to go on date a with a guy without first sending me her real-time location. It's not normal that I have to stay awake until she texts me that she's back home safe. It's not normal for both me and her to have a ready message to send to each other's parents in case one of us stops responding during a date with a man or goes out alone at night. It is not normal that none of the men I follow have never posted even a story for the International Day for Elimination of violence against women or even a message of condolence for the families of today's victims. It's not normal for me to have to fear for my safety every time I set foot outside the house.

It's not normal. I'm tired and scared of this world. I just want this to end.

"Not all men", but all women.

[catt-nuevenor]

Idea

Here's an idea that just occurred to me, what if you had a choice game, or an if game, or a story with a reader directed narrative, and you really lent into non-linear story telling?

I have more than enough projects that I'm juggling right now, so chances are that I'll have no time to actually use this idea anytime soon, so I thought I'd lay it out for someone else to have a crack at if they feel inspired.

The setting is some form of mass social gathering, set in a closed environment with many separate locations. A party in a house with many rooms, for example, or a festival in a small town with many centres of entertainment or activity.

The reader is an observer, taking part in the events with varying degrees of passivity, more watching than taking part in the proceedings, at least at first. Through where they are present and at what time during our fictional timeline, they are witness to different events, conversations, or small details that only exist to be viewed in that particular place and time.

The plot is entirely up to the theme of the event and the design of the author. It could be the aftermath of a murder, perhaps the lead up to one the reader can prevent if they take very particular actions, or maybe a heist, conspiracy, or a less dramatic affair like a personal tragedy or triumph that they can shape with their actions.

Because I swing towards emotional torment in my writings (usually subtle, though I do have my moments), my initial leanings are towards a betrayal or conspiracy that the reader can either prevent, join, redirect, or manipulate depending on their actions and the information they've gathered.

If constructed cleverly, you would have huge potential for replayability fan debate, and community engagement.

Like I said, I have more than enough projects to be getting on with, so if this has sparked your interest and set the little creative cogs in your mind a whir, have at it! I look forward to seeing what you write!

[tunedtostatic]

I've been rifling through my rewatch thoughts about Astrid all day and I was going to make a joke about "no one needs me to contribute a post about Astrid being an interesting depiction of a victim of abuse when it has been written about" but fuck it, no such thing as too much Astrid, in this essay I will. I think if you ask "What makes Astrid compelling," most people will indeed say something about her being a depiction of many years of abuse, especially since she's a bad victim (in the sense of being too compliant with her abuser, not being too loud and crazy).

Part of what makes her a compelling depiction of someone who has been abused for many years is the way Mercer portrays her ability to think multiple things at one. It's not a binary where the way Trent messed with her head didn't work and she's secretly a good guy, or she's evil without his coercion and believes everything she says about protecting the Empire. She's just having to do what people in abusive situations do, and keep multiple levels of thought and consciousness going at once, feeling some degree of support for Trent in part of her mind while knowing what's happening in another part.

When Caleb shows up at Astrid's house, she's been trapped by their abuser for nearly twenty years. She tortures and murders for the Dwendalian Empire and she both does and doesn't know that what she does as a scourger is horrific. She tells Caleb that she thinks of the faces of the people she's killed and laments, and in the same conversation she tells him that what she does prevents terrible things from happening and protects innocent people like they used to be. She conveys to him that she wants to kill Trent. She conveys to him that she wants to take Trent's place.

Being a d&d wizard is about knowledge. The wizard plotlines in cr2 are epistemic, focused on what can be known, remembered, realized and discovered: Trent and the scourgers, Vess and the ancient knowledge she uses Lucien to try to harness, Essek, and even Yussa and his focus on Who You Know.

Many popular narratives of abuse are also about knowledge. "Knowing" is conflated with "escaping:" the abuse victim is too naive to realize they are being abused, and if they had that knowledge, surely their next step would be escape. Surely abuse is a fluke, and a strong person will always be able to get away.

"A Volstrucker has never disentangled from Trent before. No one who knows what he does, how he breaks us, has shared their trauma with the world. With the king. Imagine the threat you are to him now that you carry respect of both crown and Kryn. So yes, he's invested."

Astrid knows. She knows the nature of what Trent has done to them. She knows what outsiders would think about Trent's abuse if they were to hear about it from someone they respect. The knowledge alone is not enough to save her.

The horrific abuse of the scourgers is administrated by Trent but enabled by their world. Margolin sends the Blumendrei to Trent. Their professors ignore the bandages on their arms. Ludinus is looking the other way. If a powerful "good" person were to know what Trent has done, that would also mean knowing what his scourgers have done, and who, they must wonder, would be willing to help them then?

Astrid knows she does not have the recourse of that respect from the Crown. She knows she does not have powerful allies to protect her from Trent if she were to run away. At their first meeting, all it takes is for Caleb to express open anger at their abuser - and accuse her of not understanding what he does - for her to tell him her own recourse.

LIAM: "I, um…I'm sorry. I will…never forget what we were. And…even now, all these years later, I can't shake it, I still, care a great deal…about you. At least…the girl I knew. But…he has blinded you. You and Wulf and all of his little helpers. And I mourn our childhood, and our souls." MATT: She reaches up, puts her hand on your knee. "I understand your anger. And as much as…he's been our teacher, he's not infallible. He's just an old man, with the right connections, who will one day pass, like they all do." LIAM: "You always were ambitious." MATT: "So are you, apparently, Bren. Like I said. I'm proud of you."

Her frame of reference for Bren is "also ambitious, also a victim," and she trusts him to understand how ambition and safety are the same thing for her. Astrid's hell and Caleb's hell have been so different for the last decade and a half that he misreads the situation in a single line - you always were ambitious - and throws her under the bus at the dinner party, taking her ambition as a cue to see her as less endangered, or less salvageable.

Both their horrible wizard goals - turning back time or becoming an archmage of the Cerberus Assembly - are the multiple of power as safety. Caleb hasn't realized that his own desire to bend reality to his will to save his parents is hubris, so he can't do the math backwards and realize that Astrid's ambition is {her way of saving Eadwulf and herself; her own way of responding to the death of her parents; a desire for magic and power that is inseparable from both of those things}. Like...it's open to interpretation, but I think the answer to "Does Astrid also have evil unsympathetic ignoble desire for power?" is that "also" isn't the right word. Power is magic is safety is a reward for her suffering, and Astrid's ambition, like everything else in her life, means many things at once.

Trent chose to abuse the scourgers and their world chose to let him. Astrid survives Trent for over a decade and a half, helps the Mighty Nein, and saves them in Nicodranas. For Caleb? As a maneuver to save herself? That also might be a question with more than one answer. I don't have a conclusion to this other than hats off to this coerced evil wizard for being an interesting depiction of strength in extremis, figuring out how to know multiple things at once when even her magic isn't her own and hang on all that time.

[cursedfortune]

What were Mortem's deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now? Is she holding on to something in the past?

@pathopsychological

Disillusions can just be a matter of perspective. For Mortem and any witch, it's important they see reality for what it is. It's all the more reason why she doesn't tend to act without gathering then necessary data first in order to determine a way forward that does not go against her purpose.

A witch's purpose is their life and existence. Without it, they come undone. They are not human/whatever species they are born into. A witch's bloodline may begin with a soul's will breaking the confines reality to some degree, ascending them into something that exists between mortal and immortal. Any children spawned by them will be the same - souls more akin for forces that exist in an organic body.

Morality is not based on a human standards. Even a witch with a "smaller" purpose, like being an alchemist that lives out their life doing such, must see the wider picture. Which is why witches rarely have to go against one another.

I think the closest thing that she gets to this would be her inability to acknowledge regret. Feeling remorse, guilt, etc. is off limits and a consequence when it comes to purpose-oriented decisions she makes. It's a consequence that can oneshot kill her (break her purpose) if she doesn't cut it off. That's not to say Mortem can't feel those things outside of her purpose, though. Personal engagements that are unrelated to it are safe.

An example of this: After the first war she was exiled and condemned as a traitor. A long time later a second war broke out while she was in isolation and during it a comrade and friend was murdered. But she cannot feel remorse over such because while his death was indirect to her in present day, it stems back further to when she was actively betraying him. The wars, the people involved are directly related to one another even if the context has slightly changed - all the same, that relation is enough to prevent her from risking herself. It's just as powerful as if she stabbed a friend. No matter how direct or indirect, chances are she will be unable to allow herself to experience regret and similar emotions so long as it's related to her purpose.

The logic behind this is that because witches are based on will and perception, if she were to feel regret it would question her will (which includes compromising her soul, identity, etc) and it would alter her perception. Both would directly affect her purpose, aka her life force and reason to exist to begin with. Regret is a catalyst that sets off a chain reaction of destroying her. It's one thing to ponder a choice she made and decide on how to do better going forward. It's another thing to lament over it and call into question everything surrounding it (and herself). On top of that, witches tend to believe that it's disrespectful to do so because it insults those they are forced to transgress against (and the efforts of those people).

Maybe mortals (humans and whatever else) tend to feel differently on this. Those that have burned and tortured witches seeking their guilt so rarely receive it because it's not just a matter of preserving their lives, but it's also a matter of preserving the dignity of those they've wronged. Committing to their choices is the most honorable thing they can grant any mortal they crush and leave in their wake for their purpose, to ensure no life is meaningless. Even witches who act on the evil spectrum of morality (by others standards) and view life as something petty still have this belief.

This is the closest thing to being a disillusion because it just comes down to whether you agree with their species, understand it (regardless of agreement or not), or outright disagree.

Mortem harbors a great many of things she's holding onto. She collects her regrets and sets them aside to gather. In life, she'll never be able to confront them. In death, she will. The after-life I've designed is specifically made with witches in mind. She'll enter and have a moment of being proud of her achievements before she allows herself to feel the full brunt of the horrors and regrets that exist because of her choices. Only when she's dead can she respect those she has transgressed against and the mistakes she made in a way a human would.

[shipcestuous-two]

I’m an Anishinaabe person (First Nations in Ontario, Canada) who works with elders and language teachers. Naturally, this involves discussing our tribe’s history sometimes.

It’s veered toward the discussion of incest more than you’d think. Way back when, before the creation of Canada, my people usually lived in small communities of about 70 people or less. There was often polygamy because men would die in war and there were more women than men. My theory is this led to a lot of half-siblings with the same father, and clan identity is passed from father to child. Clan identity is very important and it made it easy to tell who someone is related to (except through the mother’s side).

Cousin marriage, as long as they were of different clans, was common. Marriages between the same clan were almost unheard of and treated with scorn. I was told of one instance of Deer clan members who were marrying into each other in one village, but the males were eventually slaughtered by members of the Marten clan, who then adopted the survivors into the Marten clan. I have no date or place on when that happened. It’s pretty much a legend now that I’ve been told from two sources. I still find it very sad, and hypocritical.

The first person who told me about that is a language teacher, and he went on about it was due to the genetic risks children of related parents face. I asked him if it’s fair for people with genetic disorders to be prevented from having children. He didn’t have an answer. He didn’t even think about that. He didn’t even think about how cousin marriage was already accepted, and cousins are related. I have no idea if these Deer clan people were marrying cousins or first/second-degree relatives. I have no idea if their male babies were also murdered, or adopted. It disturbs me to think about it.

I may send more anons about other historical stuff in my culture.

- One of your followers!

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It's sad, but fascinating as well, and of course very relevant to the kinds of discussions we have here.

I don't know much about this, but it's very interesting how cousins on the paternal vs. maternal side (or by clan, however it is reckoned) can be a favorable marriage vs. a forbidden one in some cultures or histories.

And also the various methods by which villages or other isolated groups of people prevent inbreeding.

Again, thanks for sharing!

[loving-n0t-heyting]

"These “boycotts” are unorganised, unfocused, and indistinguishable from amoral consumer trends."

"I wish cfa served more non-meat options so I could eat there"

Genuine question. How is refusing to eat meat any more organised, focused and distinguishable from amoral consumer trends that refusing to eat at chick-fil-a at all?

Fair question!

I think approaching vegetarianism or veganism as consumer activism in fact doesn’t make much sense. How effective it can be varies a lot from animal to animal (cows very little, chickens much more), but in any event the effects seem small and diffuse enough to have trouble competing with other more direct forms of animal cruelty prevention. So “carnism as murder” has always seemed strange as a slogan to me. Nor does it really track with most vegs’ actual behaviour, i think; aside from some rationalist vegans I’ve known, most vegs seem to put little effort into minimising incentives for animal abuse thru consumer choices

My actual reason, I think, and most other vegetarians’ reasons even if they don’t admit it to themselves, has more to do with respect for the animals killed. Eating their dead bodies is an act of violation, desecration, disrespect—the same reasons soldiers are known to shoot at the corpses of enemy soldiers even when it serves no clear strategic or tactical goal. This has little to do with market incentives, which is why i still would not want to eat dead bodies even if this were not leading to their purchase. (I think this is also why ppl (reasonably) treat consuming beef as a more basic offence than consuming eggs, even as purchasing eggs has a more plausible market effect on meat production: the one is a more intimate violation than the other)

Ofc to some extent this sort of violation is inevitable when wage labour runs the world, but there are degrees of badness and all of us must (and do!) draw the line somewhere. This seems like one of the more defensible such lines to draw.

I also do not believe for a minute that the ppl squealing in outrage about chik fil a or naughty video games are actually motivated by market reasoning either, even if they delude themselves otherwise. What they care about is the cultural significance imputed to these brands, and are objecting to ppl signifying what the brands are newly made to signify. But these systems of signification and respect are considerably more conventional/arbitrary, fragile, and uncertain than those involved in making feasting on corpses desecratory, and the shriekers are as much trying to erect them as interpret ppl in accord with them, so i think you should give much less of a fuck about it. Plus the “queer political culture” of which they are trying to turn CFA/Hp or whatever into an anti-symbol doesn’t really merit that much respect in the first place

Sorry this is all kind of hazy (and even worse: “””deontological”””), but it’s my honest answer

(If you want an even more vivid illustration of the compulsive need to reduce the badness of consumption habits to their imagined market effects, consider csem possession/viewing. I have never encountered any remotely compelling evidence that most ppl to possess such material, let alone to simply view it, are actually paying the manufacturers for the product. And yet, you will routinely encounter ppl explaining the evil here in terms of the market incentives they fantasise the consumers are providing to the producers! Now there is an obvious and perfectly good reason to object to consuming or distributing it, namely that it is an invasion of the victims’ privacy, which is presumably the true reason at which these ppl are blindly groping. But the perceived need to cast all moral questions re: consumption in terms of the democracy of the dollar—that common language of rational creatures, the sovereign congress of we the legislators of the universal Kingdom of Means—is simply too strong to resist. Pure ideology!)