#obey me mc quotes

[devildomwriter]

“Listen. I know this is really forward, impolite sort of question, but out of curiosity…”

“I don’t like where this is headed…”

“Mammon, ___… Are you two dating?”

“…!”

“Yep, and we couldn’t be more in love!”

“___…”

“Wait… ___, are you sure about this? You’re really settling for Mammon?”

“Hey, Whoa! What’s that s’posed to mean?!”

— Little D. No. 2, Mammon and MC (Chapter 25-11)

[kpop-otome-yandere-here]

Mc: Hey, dumb slut, get over here.

Mammon, sighing: Okay-

Asmo: I'm coming!

Mammon, confused: I thought... I was dumb slut...

[anintrovertedechoe]

Lucifer: who the fuck took my demonus i just wanna talk

the brothers knowing that whoever did is fucking dead:

MC: it was me.

Lucifer: what.

MC: it was me.

Lucifer: why??? you literally can’t even get drunk off it????

MC: it tastes like capri sun and i miss it you whore

Lucifer: what the fuck is a capri sun

[tsukii0002]

Mammon: Demons do not feel guilt, that is only for humans and angels.

Solomon: ... *grinning* Remember that cake you ate the other day?

Mammon: Yeah.

Beel: It was delicious

Levi: An Ur+ ranked cake.

Solomon: It was Mc's

Mammon: ...

Beel: ...

Levi: ...

Solomon: They had been working for two weeks to be able to buy it because it was an ultra-exclusive promotion.

Mammon: What-

Solomon: They came home tired every day from work and attending to your selfish needs… all so they could share that cake with everyone *falsely tearing*

Mammon: *crying* I'm a monster!!!

Beel: *sobing* WE are monster!

Levi: *balled up in a corner*

Mc enters the room and sees the brothers crying.

Mc: What have you done?

Solomon: Me? nothing :D

Mc: Don't tell me you are surprised when people tell you that you are more demon than human.

.

.

[cosmicstarlatte]

Diavolo: Do you have representation?

Mammon: I call upon my lawyer MC!

MC: My client is innocent!

Diavolo (pinching MCs cheek): Of course he is, case dismissed!

Lucifer: Lord Diavolo there's crisp clean video of Mammon stealing from-

Diavolo (petting & cuddling MC): MC said he's not guilty, so he's not. What's so hard about that?

Lucifer: MC do you handle murder cases?

[l3viat8an]

*In nightbringer*

Asmo: Do you realise there's a rumour going around that you're in love with MC?

Solomon: A rumour? Are you telling me people are doubting it????

[rainiishowers]

Lucifer: *Wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Asmodeus: I see you're bursting out the spring colors.

———

Mammon, rolling down the car window: what seems to be the problem, officer?

Cop: get the FUCK out of my car

———

Luke: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it

Luke: And I started thinking

Luke: Like it was just trying to get food

Luke: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck

Luke: How would I feel

Simeon: Are you okay???

———

Mammon: You should always say "please" and "thank you".

Baby! Satan, deadpanned: Please shut the fuck up, thank you.

Mammon: Not what I meant, but still progress!

———

Mammon: *flirts with MC*

MC: *flirts back*

Mammon, internally: i did not plan up to this point. what the fuck do i do now…?

———

Belphegor: *washing the dishes* Who the fuck used this pan??

Belphegor: Wait. I the fuck used this pan...

MC: It was you the fuck

Satan: Who cooks rice in a pan?

Beelzebub: He the fuck

———

MC: If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an Energy Smoothie would it kill me?

Solomon: *shrugs* Only if you die young

MC, getting out the blender: You're so smart

Mammon, running into the room: MC STOP-

———

Satan: I'm gonna open a cat cafe, but I need investors. Here's the plan. The first floor will have normal cats, but as you go up, each floor will have more and more dangerous cats, and at the top floor is me with a gun.

———

Beelzebub: *is carrying all the groceries*

M: *holds out hand to help*

Beelzebub: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold MC’s hand*

———

Asmo: And once again, Asmo and Solomon save the day.

Barbatos: You didn't do anything. It was all Solomon.

Asmodeus: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

———

Diavolo: Would you kiss me for 1k grimm?

Lucifer: Why?

Diavolo: Just curious

Lucifer, playing along: ..I suppose

Diavolo: [Slams 1k onto the table] would you look at that-

[authormars]

MC: How do angels reproduce?

Simeon: Well, it's a very complicated process and the Father-

Lucifer: Mitosis

MC:

Simeon:

Lucifer, pointing to Satan: Mitosis

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Mc: (stuck in a wall)

Diavolo: Mc how did you get in there?

Mc: Barbie didn't like his new nickname and promptly threw me into a wall

Diavolo: do I get a silly nickname if I help you?

Mc: isn't Dia enough?

Diavolo: no

[sheeprad]

Mc: *sneaks into house at 2am*

Lucifer: *turns into swivel chair* care to tell me where you were?

Mc: I was with… Uh… Mammon!

Mammon: *also turns into swivel chair* Care to- *keeps spinning* Lucifer I can’t stop the chair.

[devildomwriter]

“If you eat me, I’m breaking up with you.”

“I don’t think you’ll be in a position to do anything if I eat you.”

— MC and Beelzebub (Animal Chaos p. 4)

[kpop-otome-yandere-here]

Mc: *laying on a pool chair, unconscious*

Levi, panicking: They're not breathing!

Solomon: I'll give them mouth-to-mouth!

Mc: *opens one eye,* Ew no! Let Mammon do it! *Closes eye*

Lucifer:

Beel:

Solomon:

Satan:

Levi:

Belphie:...

Mammon: GET OUT OF THE WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

[slutifer]

Lucifer: mc, you can’t just say “spit in my mouth” when one of us does something you deem attractive

mc: but why not??

Mammon: yeah it’s just saliva, what’s the problem??

Satan: did you know that saliva is almost entirely water? only 0.5 percent of it is anything else, but that tiny portion is full of useful enzymes-proteins that speed up chemical reactions-

Lucifer: stop-

Satan: among these are amylase and ptyalin, which begin to break down sugars in carbohydrates while they are still in our mouths. if we chew a starchy food like bread or potato for a bit longer than normal, we will soon notice a sweetness. unfortunately, bacteria in our mouths like that sweetness, too-

Lucifer: STOP-

Satan: they devour the liberated sugars and excrete acids, which drill through human teeth and give them cavities. other enzymes, notably lysozyme-which was discovered by human scientist alexander fleming before he stumbled onto penicillin-attack many invading pathogens, but not the ones that cause tooth decay, alas.

Satan: …

Lucifer: …

mc: …

mc: spit in my mouth

Lucifer: MC

[tsukii0002]

I have the headcanon that the brothers can feel when Mc feels the sin they represent, Satan when he feels anger, Beel when he feels gluttony…, but that the other way around also happens. When one of the brothers is being “dominated” by his sin, Mc is able to feel that feeling as their own even though it is not. I mean, Mc is calmly doing their business and suddenly BUM, they feel a very marked envy out of nowhere. And it's like:

Mc: *feels a very strong envy out of nowhere*

Mc: What the hell happened to Levi now?

Mc: *quietly in their room when they starts to feel a familiar sensation* How strange…

Mc: *realizing that it's greed what they are feeling* Wait…

Mc: *getting up suddenly and running out* MaaMmoOoon!!! whatever it is don't even think about it!!!!

Mc: *studying* mmm What…

Mc: !!! *feeling a big lust* Asmo we have a final exam tomorrow!!!!

Mc: *with a classmate doing a project* … *suddenly feels a surge of anger and smashes their pen* …

Demon: Are you ok?!

Mc: I am, but the bastard who pissed off Satan won't be ha ha.

Demon: ????

.

.

[saturncodedstarlette]

Solomon, encouraging MC : —and you’re clearly very powerful now, starlight. You managed to take down a legion of monsters all by yourself without my help.

MC, still doubtful : Do you really think I’m powerful?

Solomon, cradling your face in his palms : I, for one, find you terrifying

[lyrichi]

[mc is reading a devildom textbook that is on human world history]

mc: .......

satan: ... you look troubled

mc: yeah cause it's all wrong

satan: what do you mean?

mc: well, first of all it says the earth is flat