#obsessed with there not being a single upbeat song here

[papergirllife]

Liu Yang Yang

Yandere! Fanboy Yang Yang x Idol! Reader

‘He was the fanboy at the front of the show, but he’s not satisfied’

warnings: stalking, threats towards someone (not mc), unprotected sex, knife play, cream pie, yandere obsessive behaviour, morally grey characters, etc.

DON’T LIKE, DON’T READ, HATE MESSAGES WOULD BE DELETED, THANK YOU.

word count: 11k

Your tired eyes were still fighting the sleepiness behind your lids as you read the comments on the side of the screen, your fans using this opportunity to appreciate your face up close, no make up on and only a single study lamp on, but still your complexion was almost flawless, well, to Yang Yang and some of the fellow fans that love you just as much anyways.

“Thank you everyone who spent their precious time with me, it’s been a hectic time lately, and I think you guys have some really accurate speculations behind the reason why,” you said with a cute wink to the camera of your new desktop, the same one Yang Yang gifted you, “and lastly, I’d like to thank MienYang, my fansite for gifting me this new monitor, you really didn’t have to, my old one only had slight glitches,” you said, to which Yang Yang remembers, flashing back to the last live you did with your old monitor, the camera quality was shit, “and I hope the rest of you have a good night’s rest, fighting for tomorrow! Bye!” you said, ending your live.

Yang Yang sits back in his leather chair, releasing a content sigh, he always feels all his stress of the day seep out of his body whenever he’s watched your lives, it was even better than therapy, not that he’ll ever tell his therapist this.

Yang Yang likes to call himself your biggest fan, although he’s new considered the fact that your group isn’t, he likes to think that he found you at the perfect time when he needed you.

Yang Yang is the head of his father’s electronics company here in Seoul, his company produces chips and motherboards for big brands that are much too lazy to make and manage their own factories anymore, which would explain the expansion to here in South Korea after sealing a deal with the biggest mobile brand here, it was a tough time for him, adjusting to a new environment with only the basics of the foreign language he had crammed into his head as per his father’s orders.

He was so stressed about the business that one day he randomly passed by this stadium with resellers outside selling tickets for more than two times the price, he couldn’t give a flying fuck at first, but when he heard the last minute rehearsal going on from behind the walls, he impulsively bought a ticket, his excuse being that he heard a voice that sounded like an angel, and so he bought the front row seats to the concert, Yang Yang only knows of the older groups from his teenage years, so he thought of this as an impulsive purchase and nothing more to destress, but when he laid eyes on the face of the owner, he knew he was in for another fan experience he had went through for exo.

You were angelic in the opening song, an upbeat cheerful song performed by your group to hype up the atmosphere, but a few songs later, the concept started to change, to a mysterious and somewhat sexy one, he didn’t know your group was so versatile, and needless to say, you shined the most, with your hooded eyes and occasional lip bites accompanied by the teasing rolls of your hips to the choreography, Yang Yang knew he had to have you no matter the price.

And so he let himself fall into the rabbit hole of you, researching about your entire background, where you’re from, your hobbies, your favourite food, your favourite colour, name it, he knows, even your weight and blood type.

None of his employees or his father’s lackies know about this obsession of his, of course, god forbid his father knowing, he’d be shipped back to Germany piece by piece.

Yang Yang, to mask his identity, adorns in all black attire whenever he follows you to your schedules in his identity of your new fansite, he never stalked you, Yang Yang has a company to manage, he only follows you to official schedules, like music shows and sometimes award shows, he has to keep up with the image of a fansite, just to send you gifts, yes he’s sent you tons of gifts, from the latest Prada bag you have, down to the mouse on your desk he just saw, all under the name of MienYang, which is a ring to the animal you resemble, a sheep, which came about after you had gone viral for wearing an oversized white knitted sweater, and Mien is noodles in his native language, for your love for ramyeon, see? He knows every single meticulous detail.

Yang Yang was content with being a silent fan at first, thinking maybe he was a bit too obsessive in the midst of his whirlwind parasocial romance, but he brushes the thought aside, no one can treat you the way you truly deserve, and definitely not the shitty company you’re signed under.

At first it was just the innocent act, or not so innocent, of being roped into a sasaeng group chat that trades info about your group’s schedule like his peers did with bitcoins and nfts, Yang Yang didn’t want anything to do with it at first, but when he saw these sasaengs having ‘dirt’ on some of your members for dating, he had to ask, just a harmless question of whether you were secretly seeing anyone. Yang Yang was bracing for the worst if he was honest, but to his surprise, the group chat blew up with a slew of messages about your love life, or lack there of.

‘She’s a hermit, the only thing she does is sneak out for late night convenience store runs near her dorm.’

‘I used to follow her when she was my bias, but she was so boring that she doesn’t even leave her dorms unless it’s for shopping.’

‘I don’t think she’s ever stepped foot in a club, not even a pub....’

Now this was interesting, the user who had commented on how you went out for convenience stores late at night had messaged him privately, saying that he could sell him more info if he wants, but with a price, and did Yang Yang say yes? You bet his ass he did.

He had met up with the guy at a cafe at a less busy hour to ‘discuss’.

“As we had agreed upon, 100k won per question,” the guy said, his appearance was a mess, he probably followed you last night too, to get more out of this, he did this for a living, he has to go all out.

“First question, is it true that she’s single and holes up in her dorm all the time?” Yang Yang asked.

“That’s two questions, yes, and as a bonus, she’s only had a brief 3 months relationship before moving to Korea, but I think most fans know this by now, and to answer your second question, yes that’s true, she’s very much a hermit, goes to work and then comes home straight, that’s 200k pretty boy, anymore questions?” the guy says before taking a sip of his iced americano, paid for by Yang Yang of course, and before Yang Yang could do some logical thinking, he blurted out the question that has been relaying in his mind over and over again.

“I want her address, you have it don’t you?” Yang Yang asked, he swore this would be the last thing he asks for today, he doesn’t want to invade too much of your privacy, just enough to satisfy his thirst for you.

“Now that’s another price,” the man leaned back with a smug smile on his ugly face.

Yang Yang hasn’t ever spent one million won purely on information, not even in the industry he’s in.

Yang Yang finds himself in your dorm’s neighbourhood, but there’s three convenience stores in the area, he wonders if you prefer cu or emart, he’s currently in cu, it’s less flashy and smaller in size, if he was an idol, he’d definitely pick this one.

He’s not in the store yet, waiting in the car, with his phone to zoom in whenever he sees a female figure coming through his vicinity, but none of them were you, all of them had their hoods down, so they’re definitely not you, Yang Yang would recognise your face even if he lost all memory of who he was himself.

It was until when he saw a familiar phone case in a hooded figure’s delicate hands, then he knew, he recognises your new case, the one with fake gummy bears at the back.

Yang Yang immediately springs out of his car, slamming the door shut before quickly jogging inside the convenience store, his body slacks in comfort of the heating but his focus heightens, trying to see where you were.

That’s when he sees you, crouched in the corner, a hand on your knee, contemplating which ramyeon to get, Yang Yang has to stop himself from cooing at the cute sight. Yang Yang makes himself look busy by picking through what ramyeon he wants, as an excuse to execute the plan he’s formulated for almost a week.

When you stood up to pay, he quickly grabs the one he had decided on since he had laid eyes on the selections, he was just waiting for you, he went up to pay first when he sees you making a beeline for the cashier.

He ‘tries’ to pay with his kaokaopay, the keyword ‘tries’ because he knows there’s no credit in that e wallet anymore, and did he purposely forget his wallet? Of course he did.

“Damn it, I forgot to top up and my wallet’s left at home,” Yang Yang curses to himself, but loud enough to let you pick it up.

“No worries, I’ll pay,” you say, thrusting your phone to the scanner, flashing him a kind smile that shows on your eyes, your beautiful lips hidden by the mask you had adorned to conceal your identity.

“Thank you so much,” Yang Yang says with a polite bow, “Is there a way I could pay you back?” Yang Yang asks, taking your items to the instant ramyeon station, opening your packet and his to fill up the plastic bowls with hot water.

“Maybe you could pay for my noodles the next time we see each other here,” you suggested, taking your bowl of ramyeon, walking to an empty table, away from the windows.

“Deal,” Yang Yang agreed, taking a seat across you, “I’m new to this country, so I don’t know many people, it’d be nice to have a face to be familiarise with, are you a foreigner too?” Yang Yang pried, as if he didn’t know the answers to those basic questions.

“Yup! But I’ve been here for a few years now, it’s really hard at first, the difference of culture and language really sets us foreigners aside, doesn’t it?” you ask, of course, you might be wrong, some people adapt really well to the local culture, Seoul is easier than other smaller cities according to your seniors.

“Yeah, I’m here cuz my company transferred me here, it was really a bummer at first, what about you? Career reasons too, I guess?” Yang Yang easily strikes up a conversation, he’s very much an introvert, but around the people he clicks with? It’s like a breeze for him, and to him, you and him are two missing puzzle pieces waiting to be pieced together.

“Yeah, do I look too old to be a college student?” you asked jokingly, this is a nice change, the feeling of being a stranger to someone again, maybe meeting, wait, you haven’t caught his name.

“No, but you don’t have a bag with you to study, and most college kids will bring their food back home to eat while studying, you seem to have more time on your hands than a college kid, so I just assumed, unless you are?”

“Nope,” you said, finishing your noodles, you peered over to his, almost empty too, “but you look a bit young to be transferred over so quickly,” you commented.

“Yeah, it’s my uncle’s business, and he wanted some help, I didn’t have any plans after graduation, so I had to take up the offer, or my dad would have my head,” another lie, but this is how he has to do if he wants to be your friend, and to his greediness, something more even.

“Wow, your family must have really high hopes for you,” you complimented, picking up after yourselves, you’re going to leave soon, you still have afternoon practice tomorrow, and you don’t want to go into the company looking like a zombie.

“I guess, I’ll see you soon...

You give him your name while he holds the door open for you, he seems to be such a gentleman, a rare sight these days.

“Yang Yang, it’s a pleasure meeting you, get home soon, even from a newbie, I could tell Seoul isn’t the safest,” he said, looking back at you to see that you covered your head with your hoodie and your face with a mask once again.

“You too, till we meet again, Yang Yang,” you said, walking to the direction of your dorms.

Yang Yang watches you from afar before deciding to follow you, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he found out you were attacked, and so he keeps a distance with your figure, up until you stepped into your dorm’s compounds, and now he can go back home for a peaceful sleep, knowing that you’re safe.

Yang Yang had made the effort, given if his schedule and job allowed, to go to that same convenience store every night, and 50% of the time, he’d bump into you, he’d brush it off as a coincidence, citing that he lives very nearby, and of course you never doubted him, it was an almost 100% housing area anyways, and you did meet him in this very same convenience store many nights ago, and so the two of you became friends.

You never really talked about your life, you had lied that you were just a girl fresh out of college being pushed into the corporate world like a fish into a tank of sharks, which wasn’t all that false, instead of saying your managers and staff were rude to you, you’d change it to your seniors at your office, just a small white lie.

Yang Yang wasn’t mad in the slightest of course, if you had revealed your identity to him, you probably wouldn’t have made friends with him or even talk to him if he had made himself known to have recognised you that very first night.

Yang Yang had spun a web of lies upon lies just to make you happy, not like you didn’t contribute into any of the web making, but Yang Yang really tries to make himself as honest as he could be, like how he had recently moved out of his penthouse in Gangnam to live in this very neighbourhood he had claimed he had lived in since day 1, he doesn’t like lying to you, but if lying is what’s keeping you here beside him, he’d take it.

“Hey, why don’t we exchange numbers? Then we don’t need to limit our conversations in this convenience store, and we can even text each other to see if we’re coming here,” you suggested, handing over your unlocked phone for him to key in his number, an unlocked phone, an idol’s greatest fear, but here you were, entrusting your whole career in his hands.

“Sure.”

The early signs of autumn crept up to you in the form of a chilly breeze tonight after having yet another late night convenience store run with Yang Yang, you were walking a little bit further behind to avoid the chances of someone recognising you in your neighbourhood and exposing Yang Yang’s identity, which is why you heard the telltale signs of shuffling of footsteps.

You quickly looked back to see who it was, and the sight nearly made you shit your pants, it was a tall burly man who was wearing a cap even though it’s completely dark out, you’ve been told that sasaengs are often identified through this sort of attire during this timing because rarely anyone wears a cap at night in Seoul unless they’re fellow celebrities, and the keychain of your group’s logo hanging by the side of his fanny pack tells you otherwise.

You quickly dragged Yang Yang into an alley when the two of you rounded a familiar cornering.

“There’s someone following me, we need to run and hide,” you said to a very confused looking Yang Yang, obvious distress in the tone of your voice.

Yang Yang heeds to your warning immediately, pulling you to hide behind a row of large recycling bins, hands holding onto yours when he sees how panic stricken you looked.

After a few minutes, Yang Yang gets up to check if the coast was clear, telling you to stand up when he confirmed no one was following you anymore.

“Why was that guy following you? Do you owe loan sharks money or something?” Yang Yang asked, acting oblivious.

“No...Yang, there’s something I need to tell you, about my identity, please don’t be mad that I’ve been lying to you, I just thought it’d be easier that way, I never thought something like this would happen. The man who was following us is probably one of my fans, and he was probably dangerous because he didn’t carry any camera or had his phone out, those are the obvious signs of a crazy sasaeng, what I’m trying to say is that....I’m an idol of a quite famous group in kpop, I’m sorry I lied about my job, I just wanted a genuine friend who won’t care how famous I am, I just didn’t expect I’d put you into this sort of danger without your permission, and I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, I know there’s risks to being an idol’s-

“Don’t, I’m glad to be your friend, so don’t ever say that, and imagine if I wasn’t here tonight, he might’ve gotten to you and god knows what he’ll do to you, so don’t apologise, I’m happy to be by your side,” Yang Yang said after he had pulled you in for a hug, his presence and touch comforting you and your running mind, “how about I walk you home instead of saying goodbye at the intersection?” Yang Yang asked, to which you nodded enthusiastically, grateful to have met someone as caring and as accepting as Yang Yang.

As time has passed, that night’s events never left your mind, both in a bad light and a good one because that act of Yang Yang ushering you to safety had etched in your mind permanently, the scene unfolding itself whenever you zone out because to you, that was your very own kdrama moment, Yang Yang being your knight in shining armour and you being the damsel in distress.

Though it might be a hard pill to swallow in everyone else’s eyes that it was all an act, one that Yang Yang had planned it meticulously with a hefty sum of money, hiring the actor who played your ‘stalker’, and on top of that, paying for his non-disclosure agreement. Yang Yang needed you to fall for him, and through your old interviews of the dramas you were watching, he had grown to know what man you would fall for, and most of those dramas had a scene of the female lead being saved, most of the time you’d watch thriller dramas, which would explain why.

Yang Yang knows what he did was wrong, that he had scared you that night, but to him, this was some sort of warning, to let you know that even if it wasn’t him, there’s a huge possibility of you encountering crazy fans like this, he wants you to depend on him for safety, just the two of you now, having one of your convenience store runs again, but instead of just some random meet up, now he can call these dates, the two of you now have your impromptu suppers at another convenience store, you feared that the crazy fan would come back to get you after an unsuccessful attempt that night, Yang Yang even suggested to drive out to the next neighbourhood, which you’re very much grateful for.

Dating Yang Yang was a skeptical decision on your end, having to dodge your members as well as your managers was hard, you had trained your face not to smile as well as switching apps at 0.1 seconds whenever someone tries looking over your shoulder to see who you were texting, but Yang Yang makes you immensely happy in this lonely career of yours.

Speaking of which, you had asked Yang Yang out for ramyeon after you saw a notice of one of your most loyal fansites, MienYang, closing down.

“Why did they close it, babe? I thought you said they were relatively new to your fandom,” Yang Yang asks, as if he doesn’t know.

“I checked their twitter, apparently they’re leaving overseas for university, so they can’t go to my official schedules and stuff anymore,” you say, a pout unknowingly making its way on your lips, “they’re one of the non-sasaeng fansites, it’s sad to see someone who respects me as a person and as an idol go, you know?” you said, thinking aloud mostly, of course you love all the other non-sasaeng fansites, but MienYang has always gifted you sentimental gifts, like food trucks of your favourite snacks whenever there’s some sort of filming or official schedule, even flowers of your favourite kind, and not to mention your entire monitor set up in your dorm only after one mindless complaint you made about the processor that one time on live.

“Hey, don’t be too upset about it, I’m sure they’re still supporting you by other means wherever they are on the globe, think of it on a brighter side, they got in the university they wanted, isn’t that something worth being happy for? Your dearest fan having an education for themselves?” Yang Yang comforts you, reaching a hand over to grasp yours, smiling at you across the table, his eyes pleading for you to cheer up, he never likes seeing you upset.

“Yeah, of course I am, I think I just have attachment issues when it comes to my fans, especially if I knew they were dedicating their free time and even their wealth at a time like this, I’m grateful for all of them, no matter how much money they’d spent, but to know that this fansite spent their hard earned money on me was just... I’m just really grateful, you know? It’s not about the money, but the hard work behind every one of their gifts and events, sorry, I’m rambling and I sound a bit too deserving at the moment, but I just wish I could do more for them, to repay what they had gifted me over the course of this period,” you said, eyes staring mindlessly at the cup of banana milk in front of you, “It’s a crazy thought but I sometimes wish I could clone more of me so every single fan out there would have a chance to meet me, sometimes I see posts of fans span across the globe saying they were dying to meet me, their yearning breaks my heart, I just want to bring joy to their life.”

“So that’s why you do lives so often,” Yang Yang notes, you truly are an angel, you didn’t need to put up the act of a kind hearted idol in front of him, you know he as a boyfriend, would never judge you for purely treating this idol thing as a career, but you’re not like that, you really have a golden heart.

“Yeah, sometimes I’m scared I annoy them, I turn on lives when I’m eating alone, during practice breaks, when I’m bored at night, I wonder if they think I do it too often,” you said with a chuckle, recounting the many times where your fans had suggested you to just open a mukbang channel.

“Nah, it’s cute to see you eat, sometimes I tune in if I was having lunch alone in the office too,” Yang Yang said with a tilt of his head, eyes darting to the ice cream fridge, a bit shy about confessing that this.

“You do??? Oh god, I look cringe, don’t I?” you said before breaking out a nervous laugh, not finding it weird that your boyfriend would just randomly drop in on your lives.

“Nah, you’re definitely mukbang material, I feel full even by just watching you eat, that’s a charm not many have, most idols just try to act overly cute when they eat, now that’s cringe,” Yang Yang said, reassuring you, it was the truth though, “it is in fact a joy to see you eat, and I bet your other fans agree too,” if the amount of times you trended on twitter for eating wasn’t enough of an evidence.

“You’re just saying that cuz you’re my boyfriend, Yang,” you said before finishing up your banana milk, starting to clean up the trash of containers and plastic utensil wrappers, you were always the responsible one, whenever your group mates leave a group live or some recorded programme to do something else, you’d always stay back to help the staff clean up, just like how you are now, and so Yang Yang stops you, taking the remaining trash from your hands and cleans the rest of it, not much of it left of course, you’re always a quick one.

“Yup, I’m your boyfriend, so would you please stop picking up after ourselves? Let me do it, you had a long day,” Yang Yang chides before retreating to the dustbin, carefully sorting whatever that could be recycled into their respective bins, he doesn’t want to get an earful from you.

“Thank you,” you said, meeting him at the door that he was holding open for you, “you always treat me like a princess,” you said, cheeks heating up at the realisation.

“Because you are my princess, now let’s fetch you back to your dorms before my car turns into a pumpkin Cinderella,” Yang Yang jokes, opening the passenger door for you.

“It’s already 1 a.m., Yang!”

The man hits the wall beside the big household rubbish bin with a loud thud, the sound of the back of skull coming into the brick isn’t pretty one, but it’s a beautiful melody in Yang Yang’s ears, a menacing smile appears under the thick layer of his medical mask, to conceal his identity of course.

“Are you crazy, you bastard?!” that shitbag of stalker of yours spits out, a hand holding the back of head, his facial features constricting in pain, “like you’re not a sasaeng too! You fucking hypocrite!”

Yang Yang pulls out a switch blade from the back of his pocket, releasing the sharp end, he chokes the man to keep him vulnerable under his control, knife coming dangerously close to the spot where he punched the man, he wonders how it’d look to cut open a swollen bruise.

“I’m protecting her from fuckers like you! Do you see me carrying a huge ass camera, walking around broadcasting her whole life on the internet?!” Yang Yang retorts, his fingers closing dangerously around his jugular, “if I see you again, you won’t be leaving without a scratch, you hear me?” Yang Yang warns, the knife he holds coming close to the eye of the scumbag, he’ll take his eye out as a third warning if he catches him lurking around again.

“Yes, I hear you! I’m sorry, just please let me go! I swear I’ll never stalk her ever again!” the man tried his best to look apologetic and bow his head down as far as the hand constricting allows him.

Yang Yang frees him from his grip, eyes watching him scram, tail tucked between his two legs, Yang Yang breathes a sigh of relief, this is probably the last of them, he’s still in the group chat and he knows what they say about him, the crazy sasaeng, the group chats he’s in has warn the members of your sasaengs about him, dubbed as the craziest fan you’ve ever had to date, and Yang Yang is more than proud to have this title.

He folds back the knife into the safety of his jacket and pulls out his phone, pressing onto your contact that’s on his speed dial.

“Hey babe, I’m done with work and I’m in your area, are you still in the convenience store? How about you sleep over my place? I haven’t spent much time with you these days,” Yang Yang says with a borderline aegyo voice that he knows gets you to budge every single time.

“Okay, okay, do you want me to get you anything though? They still have chicken katsu today, let me ask if it’s from tonight or this afternoon,” you mumbled to yourself.

“Thank you, baby, take your time, I’ll be waiting in my car outside the store,” Yang Yang said before hanging up, he can’t wait to see you.

“The worker didn’t lie right? It looks fresh,” you commented as you watch Yang Yang eat in earnest, he always acts like that when he eats, and the idiot always says it’s only because of you, and that even a walnut would feel like a full meal if he’s eating it in your presence.

“Yeah, it’s fresh, you want a bite?” Yang Yang asks, offering you his chicken.

“No, I had chicken in the company today, I would’ve cooked you noodles if the chicken turned out to be from the afternoon, you’ve been working late so often these days,” you said while brushing his bangs out of his eyes to get a better look at the eyebags under his pretty doe eyes.

“It’s okay, just training some new people up, then I’ll have more time for you in the future, and it’s better to plan ahead, I want to have a secure future for you, you can have fun performing without financial worries when you become more of a senior, do what you want to do, what you don’t get enough time to do now, what you didn’t get to experience as a trainee, that’s my end goal,” Yang Yang said, his heart jumping in jitters, this isn’t the first time the two of you have expressed the desire to be together forever, the first time this topic came up, you were talking about how Yang Yang’s room might not have enough closet space for your coats in the future.

“Yang, I never dated you with the expectation of you providing for me, not that I’m against it, but I know you have wishes too-

“I had a really fulfilling childhood, trust me, and I’m having lots of fun in my 20s now, but you’re always working so hard, and I know you enjoy most of it, but there’s so much you haven’t done, and this is my wish too, to make you the happiest person in my life,” Yang Yang said in all sincerity, the silly and carefree Yang Yang you’ve grown to know has disappeared now, leaving him vulnerable, baring his soul in front of you.

“Thank you, Yang Yang, I love you,” you said, tackling to the corner of the couch, he almost lost his grip on his chicken, but he’d sacrifice chicken katsu for your hugs any day.

“I love you too, you sappy idiot, you go wash up first, I’ll join you after you leave me in peace to finish my food,” Yang Yang says before he takes a huge bite of said chicken, a hand nudging you softly to the direction of his bedroom.

“Okay, be quick though,” you said, leaving for his room, and Yang Yang to his own train of thoughts.

When Yang Yang first dived into being your fan, he noticed how you’d always tuck yourself in the corner, not very interactive in group contents, especially in your rookie days, but slowly, you settled into the idea of being a public figure, you realised your shy personality had garnered a decent amount of fans that, ‘idol standards wise’, you needed to start engaging with your fans in a solo manner to actually build up your career, at first you were a bit closed off, and not really knowing what to talk to the fans about, but slowly, you started opening up about yourself, and now being in a relationship with Yang Yang, a comfortable validation of your personality now exists in your mind, and needless to say, whatever reason it maybe, your fans are happy that you’re flourishing and now your fan base is growing at a fast pace, Yang Yang is happy for you, even if he needs to tell people to scram every other night, but it’s slowly trickling down to one every few weeks, only a dumbass once in a blue moon dares to challenge him nowadays.

Yang Yang sighs to himself, a mix of emotions, relief, love, and maybe a hint of pride, and comfort knowing that on screen you and off screen you aren’t all that different, you’re only extroverted around him and your members, sometimes he worries that you don’t have enough friends, but Yang Yang isn’t all that much better, only a handful of close friends back in his student days in Germany, maybe he should visit them soon, but he worries for your safety if he’s gone.

“Hey, you done, babe?” you ask, walking out, spotting the oily paper bag discarded on the coffee table.

“Yup, go wait for me on the bed, rest your legs, you must’ve had a long day of practice,” Yang Yang chides, heading into the ensuite bathroom to wash up.

“Nah, it was mostly vocals today, and don’t worry, I drank honey, just as you told me,” you added when you saw Yang Yang looking at you expectantly, satisfaction blooming in your chest when you see Yang Yang nodding proudly, tooth paste foam and the brush sticking out of his mouth comically, you could wake up and go to bed with this sight.

When Yang Yang finally joins you, you wrap your limbs around his lean body, sighing in comfort at the warmth his body provides, he’s always felt like a walking human heater to you.

“What’s with the sudden burst of affection?” Yang Yang teases.

“Nothing, just missed you,” you mumbled into his chest, inhaling the comforting scent of his laundry detergent, “I’ll wait for you in bed,” you mumbled before walking away.

Yang Yang’s shoulders sag in relief, the thought of cuddling you to bed immediately relieving him of the stress he had felt from the whole day.

Yang Yang lets himself under the blanket, greeted by your arms around him,  you had always loved spooning him, out of habit from all the big plushie you had always cuddled to sleep, you can’t go to bed without hugging something, Yang Yang lacks the softness you’re used to, but the warmth he provides is just as comforting.

Although the thought of falling asleep right now is more than tempting, you think it’s time to take the next step in your relationship, and as an adult as a whole.

“Hey Yang, do you ever think about like taking our relationship to the next stage?” you ask mindlessly, you might not get anything out of this, it’s been a long day for your hardworking boyfriend, and you understand, there are somedays where you don’t wanna do anything after work either.

“What do you mean? Like marriage? If so then no take backs cuz I’m in this shit for life, babe,” Yang Yang jokes, tickling at your sides, his touches with you are always innocent, there’s no need to rush, especially after hearing what you just said.

“No, Yang, I meant like, you know, physical affection?” you say as your eyes dart away from his searching ones, ever the observing boyfriend, he always wants to read your emotions through the windows of your soul, something he picked up from his mom growing up when he throws tantrums and she wants to understand his frustration.

“You want more kisses?” Yang Yang asks, apology on the tip of his tongue, he must’ve been so busy these few weeks that you feel neglected.

“No, no, like,” you’re running out of words and you’d bite your own tongue before saying the word sex in front of your boyfriend who’s had a few girlfriends, but you’re desperate to see what he feels about this, so you take his wrist into your hands, placing his palm on your breast.

It was merely flesh biology wise, and that’s how Yang Yang felt about it with his exes, he’s always been much more of an ass guy, but this slight touch, he felt electric shocks going up his back before he came to his senses and pulled his hand away, as if he was burnt by your touch.

“Baby...” Yang Yang trails off, his sentences not forming, he swears that one touch permanently fried parts of his brain, but you take his hesitance as rejection, which sends Yang Yang into a worried frenzy, that’s definitely not what he meant.

“No, baby, I’m not opposed to what you’re proposing, but are you sure you’re ready? This is a huge step for you, isn’t it? I want you to think this through and not have any regrets,” Yang Yang explains, his tone so reassuring, apologetic even.

“I’m sure, Yang, we’ve been together for almost a year, and you’ve always been the best to me, taking care of me, making sure I have my meals, putting up with my hectic schedule without any complaints, then I realised, I really want to feel your love in a physical form, humans are curious creatures, I want all of you, to bask in your love,” you said with so much sincerity it might make Yang Yang cry if you don’t stop with your beautiful words, which is so ironic because most of the times he’s pictured engaging in sex with you, most times the scenarios in his head are so fucking filthy, and here you are, proposing to make love, and suddenly all those desires disappear from his forefront, if making love is what you want, then what’s he’ll give you.

Yang Yang cages you between his body and his bed, a smile that holds several emotions casting through his pupils, lust, mischief, love, adoration, he’s definitely going haywire with these strong emotions.

Yang Yang grows hard in his jeans when he felt your eager hands explore his body, until your knuckles knock against something hard in his jacket’s pocket, Yang Yang freezes up, brain going on overdrive to find every possible excuse and decipher which is the best to use.

“Yang, why do you have-

Your agile fingers press the button, the swish of a knife molding a new type of tension between the two of you.

“Babe, be careful with that,” Yang Yang chides, slowly prying the knife out of your hands to put it at the farthest corner of his nightstand, “I started carrying a switch blade after that time when we bumped into your sasaeng, just in case I need to protect you,” Yang Yang said, another white lie, it wasn’t a complete lie, this thing is used to ward off your sasaengs, just in a more proactive manner, and morally grey of course.

“Yangie..” you cooed, “that’s so sweet, thank you for trying to protect me, but most of my sasaeng fans have stopped pursuing me,” you said, not one hint of disgust on your face, maybe you just think he’s using it as a prop to ward off fans that get aggressive physically.

“Of course, got to be the best boyfriend amongst all your peers, you know, got to make my girl, proud,” Yang Yang trails on, his worry quickly dissipating from his mind.

“I’m sure everyone would be jealous of me for having a boyfriend like you, Yang,” you said before kissing him, your hands continuing their journey, you’re getting a bit rushed, stripping Yang Yang of his jacket and trailing your hands up his toned stomach, your eyes glazed when you realised Yang Yang is hiding a set off abs underneath his baggy sweaters.

“Wow, wait, hold on a sec, baby, you’re going so fast,” Yang Yang said, exasperated at the pace you’re setting, swiftly pulling your hands down from his shirt.

“I thought you wanted to make love, baby, making love is slow-

“I don’t think I want that anymore, Yang, I’ve been waiting for this for too long, aren’t you impatient to touch me too?” you asked with those puppy eyes of yours, and who is Yang Yang to deny you, he’s a man after all.

Yang Yang quickly strips off his shirt to let you know that he is impatient for your touch, he’s waited since the day he saw your concert, he’s been waiting for so long, training his endurance towards your little touches, but your one look is pushing him past his limits, your bedroom eyes are Yang Yang’s weakness, the first time he’s seen them when you were performing had him hooked, he knew you weren’t innocent, but he hadn’t known you were a virgin, that’s just even sexier of you, to value yourself so highly, yet so shy at times, this is what he calls duality.

Yang Yang throws his shirt off to somewhere, eager to please you, but a certain metallic sound caught his attention, his eyes spy that the switch blade wasn’t that far away anymore, must be the drag of his shirt, so he moves away to retrieve it, opening the drawer, planning to just chuck the thing in, it’s better to be safe than sorry, but before he could let go of the blade, your delicate fingers wrap around his wrist.

“Yang, could we try something with the knife? I read something in one of my romance books once and I always wanted to recreate it with you,” you said timidly, but eyes full of lust, and Yang Yang swears his dick just twitched hearing you say those words.

“You know, babe, usually people bring up knife kink after their first time, hell, not even a second time,” Yang Yang says before chuckling to himself, he never thought tonight would turn out this way.

“Well, I don’t want my first time to be boring like other people, I want it to be like that mafia love story I just finished, come on, it’ll be fun, I mean it looked fun....in my head,” you were trailing off, bashful, is how you would describe this moment’s feelings.

“Okay, okay, no more laughing and joking then, let me get my head in the game, I need to exceed your expectations,” Yang Yang said with one last cheeky smile on his face before turning serious, “so I need you to stop laughing and feeling embarrassed too, okay? And let me know if you want to stop, since you read so much, I’m sure you know of the traffic light system.”

You nod your head, immediately feeling submissive under Yang Yang’s dominant gaze and switch of a tone.

Yang Yang unsheathes the blade by pressing onto the button, the shiny knife once again captures your attention, you could feel your panties sticking to your core.

“I need you to hold still, baby, can I ruin your clothes?” Yang Yang asks, he doesn’t want to trigger any sort of bad reaction from you.

“Yeah, go ahead, as long as you don’t miss them,” you reminded him, it’s his shirt after all.

Yang Yang nods in understanding, eyes hyperfocused on the blade, he traces the curve of your bottom lip with it, careful to not apply too much pressure, he’d never let you bleed, Yang Yang would never hurt what he most cherishes, so he tests the blade on your lips first, knowing that it hurts a lot less to have an accidental cut there than on actual skin, he’d know from all those years of shaving in a rush before classes, once he gets a hold of how much pressure to use, he moves on, trailing the blade down your jaw, to the juncture of your neck, the expanse of untainted skin tempting him to mark you up, but he knows he can’t, he wouldn’t put your job on the line, and so he lingers a bit longer on your neck, tracing a Y on your neck to make up for the fact that he can’t actually mark it.

When you felt the tracing of his initials, you feel a shudder run down your spine, you have always been attracted to Yang Yang’s subtle possessiveness, and the fact that he’s also like this in bed is such a turn on to you, you swear your panties are far beyond ruined at this point, which makes you wonder if he’s going to cut those too.

Your trail of thought was cut short when Yang Yang suddenly speeds up the process, bunching your shirt up, he cuts through the fabric with the blade, the the sound of shearing cotton amplifying the tingles in your core, an unconscious moan of his name leaves your lips, drawing Yang Yang’s attention away from your bosoms to your face, he wonders if you’d fall into subspace, he’s not against it, but it’s best that you don’t, this is your first time after all, so he sets the blade aside at a far corner of his nightstand once more, he’d get back to that once he anchors you back to him.

"Are you still with me, baby? Can I have a colour?" Yang Yang asks, his hands grasping your face gently, doe eyes staring into yours, trying to decipher which state of mind you're in.

"Green, I'm okay, don't worry," you say after a bit, slightly dazed by the display of carnal lust from your lover.

"Can I continue, baby?" He just needs to hear your consent, even though it's quite obvious that the gleam in your eyes are of yearning.

"Yes."

Yang Yang takes your consent as green light to show your breasts the attention they deserve, showering them in kisses before venturing into playful licks of your nipple while his other hand tries its best to mimic his mouth's ministrations, sending pleasurable shocks southwards, you would've been worried about ruining his sheets if Yang Yang wasn't such a distraction.

Just as you grew used to the feeling of his kitten licks, Yang Yang switches up the tempo, he now moves to your other breast, but instead of the gentle kisses, you are welcomed by light painless nicks, you whimper at the contact of his teeth, you divert your eyes to your lover, when Yang Yang sees your eyes on him, he proceeds to bite onto your nipple, pulling at it slightly before letting go.

"Fuck," you muttered, eyes shutting at the thrilling feeling of having your nipples played this way, you've never predicted Yang Yang to be like this in bed, and needless to say, you love this surprising side of him.

"Naughty girl, didn't think you'd enjoy that this much," Yang Yang said with a light spank to your inner thigh, making your legs jolt up at the sensitivity, god this man is going to drive you mad if he doesn't hurry up and fuck you.

"Please Yang, I need you to do more, I need you inside me," you begged, your pride's left your body completely.

"Since you begged so nicely, baby," Yang Yang said with a hum, contemplating of what to do next.

When Yang Yang pulls away, you whine at the loss of his warmth and familiar weight of his torso on your body.

"I'm not going anywhere, I'll never leave you hanging, baby," Yang Yang said before returning to your side with the blade, "but there's something in my way from your sweet pussy, baby," Yang Yang said with a mischievous smile before you hear the sound of shredding fabric once more, a gust of wind immediately hits your drenched core, you swear you feel goosebumps arise, "there, all better," Yang Yang says before diving in like a starved man, his fingers spreading your folds apart to show your clit the same amount of attention and care he gave to your breasts.

Your back arches at the onward assault on your most sensitive bundle of nerves, Yang Yang really knows how to use his mouth, which makes you wonder how long he's wanted to do this.

When he's deemed you more than wet, he dips a finger into your core, slowly moving it around, trying to grasp your reactions, at a particular angle, you gasp at the particularly sensitive spot.

Bingo.

Yang Yang lets you adjust to the feeling of having one finger before he slips in another, giddily watching the way you swallow up his fingers almost effortlessly, a boost to his ego, but of course, your safety and pleasure comes first.

But soon, you're getting impatient, you nudge Yang Yang with a knee when he was too distracted by the meal in front of him, you don't blame him for not hearing you when he has his mouth and fingers busy, you think he even added a third, but that doesn't matter to you, because you really need him to hurry up before you go insane.

"Yang Yang, please, I need you to be inside me, you prepped me for so long, it should be your turn now, let me feel all of you, please...

Something in Yang Yang snaps when he hears the desperation in your words, a realisation at the fact that you really need him, now.

"I'm sorry baby, just wanted to make sure you're ready for me," Yang Yang says as he strips down to nothing, baring his beautiful body to you, your eyes immediately drop to the part between his legs, of course he's well endowed, Yang Yang is perfect in your eyes.

"My eyes are up here, baby," Yang Yang says with a playful chuckle before kissing your temple.

"Sorry, it's just that, my boyfriend's really sexy, you know," you say, joining his playful banter.

"Glad that you think so, my sexy girlfriend," Yang Yang says before he takes your hand into his, linking your fingers together.

"Are you really ready, baby? It's never too late to back out," Yang Yang reminds you.

"Nope, not backing out," you reassured him.

"Okay... Then as a reminder, I'm going to repeat this once more, if any point, and I mean any point, that you do not wish to continue, just say red, and I'll immediately stop and pull out, okay?"

"Okay," you agreed, your chest filled with an immense amount of love and pride over the man you call your lover, being ever the gentlemen towards you.

"I love you," you said, because it just felt right.

"I love you too, but no more confessions or I'm going to feel too sappy to do this, baby," Yang Yang says before putting a serious face back on, he needs to focus on making you feel good tonight.

"You're adapting far quicker than I thought you would," Yang Yang says with a playful snicker. "Stop teasing and just keep going, Yang," you say, your hands covering your face, you could feel the blood rush into your cheeks, just like the arousal between your legs. "You're so fucking cute," Yang Yang muses, "but I want to hear a please, be my good girl for me," Yang Yang wanting to coaxe out of you. "Please." That one word has Yang Yang reaching for the knife again, his eyes locking into your drenched panties, bunching up the material, he cuts the knife through it, the flimsy material ripped to shreds. "Yang!" you scold, but it came out as more a moan, you can't help it, you're so turned on by the sight of Yang Yang holding a knife in this manner, a sight that you thought you'd only see in your wildest dreams. "Don't worry, baby, I'll buy you new ones, as many as you want," Yang Yang promises, sealing the promise with a kiss to the hood of your core, making your legs shiver.  

You arch your hips into his touch, urging him to put his mouth on your core, Yang Yang obliges, enveloping your lower lips with his. The feeling of his tongue slowly sliding its way into you was a feeling you've never expected, it wasn't anything that your small toy collection was ever able to mimic, the way the rough surface of his tongue touches your sensitive walls would've made your legs shut if it wasn't for Yang Yang holding them open, his thumb mindlessly rubbing circles around your inner thigh, igniting all your senses, especially when you close your eyes when you near your release, your body convulses in pleasure, a mantra of please's and his name falling out of your lips in a hushed tone, slowly breaking out of your shy exterior, bit by bit, your voice grows louder, until the dams broke, a loud cry resonating through the bedroom.  

Meanwhile, Yang Yang eagerly slurps up all your sweet nectar, you pry your eyes open to not miss the scene, catching the sight of his Adam's apple bobbing, his eyes shut, concentrating on your taste on his tongue. When he's had his fill, he looks up from his spot from between your legs, a dazed smile on his face. "Hi," he says, so casual as if he just didn't give you a mind blowing orgasm with just his tongue and his fingers, "you still wanna continue? we can stop if you want-

But you break him off when you get up from your spot and kiss his lips, the taste of him on you was weird, but so fucking good. "Go ahead, Yang, please," you beg, remembering his words.  

"Okay, but you remember right? Anything you don't like, say red," Yang Yang's never been long winded, but with you? He'd go to all lengths. You nod, eyes locked onto his, you see the lust swimming in those orbs, but also weariness, you feel a sense of security settling in when you see how careful Yang Yang is. Yang Yang brushes your cheek with a thumb before he takes a hand to grasp himself, your eyes train to Yang Yang's hips, swallowing a lump down your throat when you see how big he is, not very long, but thicker than what you had imagined, Yang Yang positions his cock at your core, he slowly slides in, inch by inch, scanning your face for any sort of discomfort, there's bound to be some, as he sees your face all scrunched up, but he won't stop unless you said so, he doesn't want to spoil the mood, and chooses to trust your judgement. When he finally fills you to the brim, you let out a gasp when you feel the slight prickle of hair.  

You feel Yang Yang’s hands caressing your face, the other is situated at your clit, hoping that the constant stream of pleasure would be able to relieve the ache and slight burn between your legs, you knew it was inevitable, to not feel any pain at all would be unrealistic, and you appreciate Yang Yang for being patient and going beyond that to help ease the ache.

Once the slight sting fades away, you feel your walls starting to get wetter from the switch of stimulation from pain to pleasure.

“You can move now, Yang, it doesn’t hurt anymore,” you tell him, nearly not recognising your own voice as it’s dripped in eagerness for more.

“Okay, I’ll go slow, tell me when you want me to pick up the pace,” Yang Yang says before slipping part of his cock out to thrust back in, immediately you clench around him, the feeling so foreign, but most ideal, the way you felt every inch of him, you can only describe it as euphoric.

Yang Yang struggles not to cum, the way you clench around him feels so good, but he won’t be able to last long if you keep this up.

“I need you to unclench, baby, or II won’t be able to perform at my best for you, and relax, sex shouldn’t be rushed and have you on your nerves, it should be relaxing, let me show you, take care of you,” Yang Yang says before furrowing his eyebrows to continue moving his hips, angling his cock at the angle of your sensitive spot, and instantly, he feels your nails digging into his arm, a shriek of his name tumbling from your lips, the action catching his attention, the sight of your swollen lips enticing him, so he swallows up your moans as he quickens the pace, a hand slithering down slyly to your bundle of nerves, once again aiming for an onslaught attack of sweet pleasure that has you arching your back into Yang Yang’s hold succumbing you into a pleasure-filled mess, incoherent blabbers and moans filling his mind, Yang Yang catches a few words, big, deep, so good, and all of them do nothing but encourage him to bring you to the edge faster, snapping his hips onto yours, his thrusts beginning to deepen and slow down slightly, he’s only human after all, but he gives your clit a few light pinches in retaliation, a whimper sounds from you beneath him before he feels you falling apart around him.

You struggle to keep your eyes open as you were pushed over the edge, but you reminded yourself that you need to see Yang Yang falling apart for you, and so you beg, “want you to cum too, Yang, please,” you plead between whines and moans as he rides out your high for you, that sweet sweet voice of yours is what makes Yang Yang crumble, masking a moan by biting down on his lips, he lets go, filling up your core with his seed, not pulling out until he finishes, the tension leaving his body.

Yang Yang looked so beautiful when he reached his peak, you’ve always thought his Adam’s apple was sexy, but when he threw his head back and breathed heavily, the sight of it bobbing was such a turn on, distracted by the memory looping in your head, you were pulled out of your daze when Yang Yang gently manoeuvred himself out of your walls, watching him watch the way his cum drips onto your thighs, not knowing he was caught staring until he looks up to see you watching him with your head cocked to the side.

“That was sexy, don’t blame me, I’m just a dude with fantasies,” Yang Yang jokes while pulling out a few tissues from the box, cleaning you up.

“I don’t mind, I think it’s sexy that you’re into it, but as sexy as it is, please carry me to the tub, I don’t think I’d be able to move around for a few hours,” you said, arms already spread, awaiting your princess treatment from your ever doting boyfriend.

“I’ll set up the tub and I’ll come get you, take a nap if you want,” Yang Yang says, rounding the corner of his bed to come give you a peck before taking his leave, the sight of his small but bubbly butt making you giggle.

Keeping things under warps isn't easy when you're an idol, which is no surprise when your manager caught you going into Yang Yang's car one night outside your dorm when you planned to sleepover. You had to come clean about your relationship to your label and they weren't too happy about it, but in their words, a better case than the rest of your label mates, since the fans and tabloids haven't caught wind and the fact that Yang Yang is a businessman, yes he told you that it wasn’t his uncle’s company, but his! You made Yang Yang promise that he can’t keep anymore secrets from you, but coming back to your company, maybe they think this sort of relationship levels up your status as well as the label's, is your good guess. Other than that, your career has been advancing smoothly, you toured a few cities, Yang Yang had insisted on tagging along to Osaka and the states, for the food, he says, but you'd know better than to doubt his support for you, Yang Yang is the best boyfriend you could ever ask, most idols' relationships don't work out with people outside of the industry due to the busy schedules of their partner, but you believe that the love you share with him would prevail over any sort of obstacle life throws at you.    

The rest of your American tour ended and you can't wait to see the love of your life, having flown home earlier than the rest of your members who had wanted to stay a few days longer to rest and travel. You didn't tell Yang Yang, hoping to give him a surprise, these days he's been busy at work, so the two of you haven't video called for a bit. When you open the door to his unit, you're greeted by an empty home, you let out a disappointed sigh, but it was expected, it means business is doing well, that means his father won't give him too much pressure, you hate seeing Yang Yang stressing about not exceeding their expectations, he's always too harsh on himself.  

You quickly put away your things, only the necessities, you'll unpack your clothes and the many souvenirs you bought in the next few days. You took a quick nap on his bed, planning to sleep away the jetlag. When you woke up, it was 5, and boy were you hungry, you checked the fridge for food, but of course Yang Yang hadn't bothered to stock up or cook knowing you won't be around, so you close the fridge door and tried your luck with one of the cabinets, relief flooding your mind when you see the copious amount of snacks Yang Yang had, grabbing a bag of chips, you opened it and popped one into your mouth, you were going to eat them on the sofa, but something caught your eye, Yang Yang had put up a new portrait of the two of you on his wall outside his office, it was a photo of the two of you under the beautiful sakura tree, you smile at his sweet gesture, distracted by the photo, you accidentally tipped the bag of chips and dropped a few.  

Cursing to yourself, you quickly pick up the pieces, chucking them in the trash before wetting a paper towel to pick up the crumbs, you open Yang Yang's office door to check if any got in there, but once you were in, you were distracted by the sight of his office, you've never been in here before, knowing that Yang Yang doesn't like mixing work and private affairs, he rarely ever talks about work with you unless you ask, which wasn't weird considering he doesn't really enjoy it that much, but what you didn't expect was a comfy looking leather chair at the end of his table, you're sure you've seen this chair in one of those fancy interior design magazines in the salon, taking a seat, you realised that Yang Yang had left a drawer open, you were going to close it for him, but something caught your eye, it was one of your banners, one that you remember was made by a specific fan site, you pulled it out, reading the fan site name under the words of encouragement, MienYang, why does Yang Yang have this banner? You don't remember the admin of MienYang putting this banner up for reprinting on their twitter, unless...Yang Yang is MienYang? That can't be right? You observed the other things in the drawer, careful to not mess up the arrangements, you see thumb drives and sd cards labelled with dates and things like inkigayo, kbs music bank, are these photos of you? Before you could contemplate on whether to take a look into the sd cards, you hear footsteps near the front door, you quickly put his things back in their order before closing the drawer. When Yang Yang stepped into his living room, he sees you cleaning the floor before standing up to open the door of his office to do the same, worry filling his mind, but that anxiety dissipated when you close the door immediately after cleaning. "Sorry, I dropped chips and wanted to make sure the floor of your office doesn't have any crumbs, would be a nightmare to find ants chewing on whatever documents you have in there," you joked before waking to him, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend. "Thanks, babe, but why are you back early? I thought your flight was in a few days?" Yang Yang asked, pulling away slightly to look at your pretty face he missed so much. "Yeah, but I decided that I wanted to see you more than the liberty statue so..." you trail off, the two of you breaking into a laugh. "You're back early though, I thought you said month end means more workload,” you asked, pulling him to take a seat with you on his expensive couch. "Yeah, about that, I was going to come home and then leave in an hour for an appointment with an interior designer, I was going to tell you this during Christmas, but I might as well get the cat out of the bag now, I was thinking we should move in, and I thought my place could use a bit refurbishing to fit your things into cabinets and some closet alterations would be good since you have so many clothes, so let's do it together, you know?  I'll feel less pressured to guess what's your taste in wood or whatever, that is if you want to move in with me, no pressure of course, I'll be happy to wait if you need more time- "Yang, babe, I'll be happy to move in with you," you agree, cutting him off of his panicked rant slash confession. "Really? You're sure?" Yang Yang couldn't believe it would be this easy to convince you to move in with him. "Of course, we love each other, and by living together means we would have more time to love one another," you reassured him, "now go take your shower, I can't wait to look at the designs," you said before your ever dutiful boyfriend pecks your lips and rushes into your bedroom.  

You push what you saw in his office out of your mind, it didn't really matter, whether Yang Yang is MienYang or not, Yang Yang is providing a comfortable and secure future for you, and you genuinely love each other, who he was in the past, doesn't matter to you.

[magical-regical]

Continuing my L&DS hyperfixation but also because Owl City just released a new single, here are some owl city songs that remind me of each LI and Caleb

Go under the cut if you want some extremely long commentary on why I picked the songs I did. If you don't care what I have to say, please peruse this TLDR;

Xavier: If My Heart Was a House

Zayne: Car Trouble

Rafayel: My Muse, Rainbow Veins

Caleb: Hot Air Balloon, The Bird and The Worm

Ah you're still here. A few disclaimers before you continue:

Whenever I mention MC in this, I will be using she/her pronouns.

I haven't listened to every owl city song in existence and some songs didn't stick with me the way the songs listed here did so if you think my takes are garbage and I'm a big dumb stupid idiot for not considering the song you're thinking of, uh, feel free to make your own post abt it.

I know sweet f a abt music theory so I'm just going based off vibes and lyrics not composition.

I haven't read Xavier's or Zayne's myth stories to completion and haven't read Rafayel's at all.

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy my lukewarm takes.

Xavier

This song makes me so soft and it's way too easy to imagine Xavier and MC dancing to this. The first lines sound like he's reminiscing of the time he had with MC in her past lives,

You're the sky that I fell through, and I remember the view whenever I'm holding you

The sun hung from a string, looking down on the world as it warmed over everything.

Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.

Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me.

He pulls her in closer as the first pre-chorus plays. And the two pre-chorus' in this song sound like a conversation between him and his memory of past!MC.

The first one:

We got older and I should've known,

Do you feel alive?

That I'd feel colder when I walk alone

Oh, but you'll survive

The second one:

I walk slowly when I'm on my own

Do you feel alive?

Yea but frankly, I still feel alone.

Oh, but you'll survive

And then the chorus hits and the vibes are immaculate. It feels like you're floating on air and imagine how Xavier looks at MC when the last few lines play,

Risk it all 'cuz I'll catch you if you fall,

Wherever you go,

If my heart was a house, you'd be home.

Because she is the celestial body that orbits around him, his north, his guiding star, and his heart will always be her home.

Zayne

And you can't convince me this isn't one of the songs that plays at their wedding.

This is the catalyst of this post's creation. As of writing this, it's the newest single and I am obsessed with it. So strap in folks, I have a lot to say.

First of all, the first thirty seconds of this song was released as a preview titled 'Floppy Fish' that came out ten years ago and we didn't hear anything else about it until suddenly we get a tweet about it four days ago (as of writing this part) and then this masterpiece. I think it reflects Zayne and MCs relationship quite well, they were childhood friends, lost contact for a while, and now they're reunited to build another beautiful relationship.

On to the song itself, the overall song is about going back to see the person you love even through all sorts of car troubles. The car theme immediately screamed 'Zayne' to me because out of all the boys we see him drive MC around the most.

It's a very upbeat song which contrasts Zayne's stoic personality but the whole song is something I can imagine actually happening to him.

I see the first verse as Zayne trying his damndest to finish up work instead of having actual car troubles,

I've been driving all afternoon, but I hate to say it, I won't be there soon = him working all afternoon and still having to do overtime

And though I'm late you know I just can't wait to come home to my slice of heaven on toast.

But my GrandPrix broke down without fail, another flat tire and another nail = the 'tire' being the hearts he has to operate on and 'another nail' referring to his surgeon's tools (even though the nail in the song is the thing that broke the tire in the first place not the thing fixing the flat)

I miss your smile but this could take a while 'cause this 'road closed' sign says there's no way around. = he can't just ditch work, obviously.

The second verse and chorus is him actually running out of gas on his way back from Akso and just describes his situation. Walking through the rain, only stopping to buy flowers for her.

Hey, it's kinda crazy what daisies jasmines can do.

And then these lines from the third verse,

I'd hand you a coffee right when you woke up

and

... all I find is all these highways wind and lead back to my slice of heaven on toast.

are so cute. Especially the 'slice of heaven on toast' thing since I imagine a slice of heaven on toast would taste sweet.

But wait, it gets better. Because the chorus that comes after goes,

Oh would your heart kind of glow if I held your hand and I promised to stay home?

Hey, when I blow in that's the first thing I'll do

It might take me forever

It might take me forever

But I love you forever and I can't wait to see you.

I'm dead. I'm deceased. I am a puddle of goo on the ground.

The bridge is the most upbeat part of the song and I imagine that's when he gets a call from MC because she's worried about him. Because honestly the line, 'Am I unavoidably detained or extremely fashionably late?' sounds like the kind of dry humor he'd enjoy.

And the song ends as he hangs up and continues his long journey on public transport to come home to her.

Rafayel

Now, fish boy gets two songs because I associate each one with what I like to call 'light mode' and 'dark mode' Rafayel.

I chose both songs because they had like, a lot of imagery involved in them and lean heavily into his whole artist job. So this isn't going to be as in depth as Zayne's lol.

Anyway,

This is light mode Rafayel. The whole song is him talking to MC. He's all happy-go-lucky and filled with inspiration. With how important color is to his current career the song just felt perfect.

The chorus also adds a few nice tidbits of his character,

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains

And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

'Cause your heart has a lack of color and we should've known

That we'd grow up sooner or later, 'cause we wasted all our free time alone

The first two lines sound like something he'd actually say when he's trying to comfort MC.

The line 'we wasted all our free time alone' sticks out to me because you ever notice this guy doesn't have any friends? Like, Xavier has Jeremiah and the countless old people he's made friends with when they're in their youth and Zayne has his coworkers at the hospital and his old profs. Raffy doesn't really have anyone like that? Sure he has Thomas and his Aunt Talia but judging by how fast they hung up on him after barely wishing him a happy birthday, I can't in good conscience call them his friends.

So yea maybe our boy was so focused on finding MC again he wasted all his free time alone.

Then we have dark mode Rafayel. And no I don't mean dark as in Rafayel when he's in revenge plot mode (whatever that is I don't have enough brain cells to comprehend what his plan could possibly be). I mean dark mode as in it's quite literally night time and he is left with nothing but his own thoughts. MC fell asleep at his place again and he's wistfully staring at her sleeping figure. This is the song in those moments.

Like Xavier, he's reminiscing about the past lives and past MCs. He's remembering the first time he met and the moment he decided she was the one. She was his bride. He's listing all the things he loves about her (which basically boils down to 'everything!'). She is his muse, now and forever.

And then the song ends with:

So I'll say it now before we're at the door that someday we'll walk through,

And if I'm the only one left in the room...

There's nowhere else I'd rather be than home with you.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart cracking in two. He will sing you this last line as he pulls you closer, pressing your forehead against his before giving you a nice, long kiss.

Honorable mention goes to the song 'Sunburn' because it's about meeting someone, falling in love, and having to separate in the end (hence, 'she got a tan and I got a sunburn' and 'as we parted ways, she held my gaze and left an imprint on my mind'). I could go deeper and analyze each line like I did w/ Zayne but I've kept the Caleb girlies waiting long enough so we'll stop Raffy's part here.

Caleb

Caleb also gets two songs I chose two songs that have heavy 'childhood friends to lovers' vibes and fitting imagery and I told myself this one was gonna be short and sweet because we don't have as much depth abt his relationship w/ the MC compared to the current LIs but welp, I lied.

'Hot Air Balloon' is the most childhood friends song ever. Every single lyric is just every adventure these two went on when they were children. Writing their own fairy tales, making a racetrack around the kitchen chairs, going on a picnic to a nearby lake and getting a stomachache because you drank lake water even though Grandma Josephine told you specifically not to do that, the list just goes on and on.

It's them. It's little MC and Caleb with lightning in their veins and stars in their eyes as they explore the world around them, not a care in the world because the possibilities are quite literally endless when they have the other person by their side.

And then if 'Hot Air Balloon' was 'childhood friends—', 'The Bird And The Worm' adds on the '—to lovers' part of the trope.

I mean the entire first verse reads like the two kids playing pretend (because let's face it you've had one or two weirdly morbid play pretend sessions when you were a kid) with little Caleb saying he's the bird because of his evol and then little MC's like "then what does that make me?" And little Caleb's like "you're the worm ofc!"

Esp the part about throwing a party and greeting undersea friends (hi Raffy). I could imagine little MC telling little Caleb how she's going to invite the mermaid she made friends with at the beach to their 'party' and Caleb just not having any of it.

I'll throw a party and greet my undersea friends

(it depends)

As they arrive,

(if they arrive)

Then the chorus reads like a time skip. They're adults reminiscing about their childhood at one of the rare moments their schedules align,

You and I left our troubles far behind,

But I still have just one more question on my mind

For all my pals who live in the oceans and the seas

With friends like these well, who needs enemies?

In that moment they're back to being just MC and Caleb, not a hunter and a fighter pilot. And the last two lines sound like they're trading workplace gossip. Caleb tells her about the shenanigans his colleagues get up to and MC telling him about all the...'quirky' people she's been running into (hi Xav) and then being cheeky and going 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?'

And then you move to the second verse and it's them on a date. It's them on the most damn wholesome date you can imagine, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

Like first they go apple picking,

If I'm your boy, we'll take a short cut we remember and we'll enjoy—

—picking apples in late September like we've done for years.

We'll take a long walk through the cornfield and I'll kiss you between the ears.

Then they come home and cook together (maybe make a pie with the apples they just picked or some other apple based dish?),

And as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling will shine for us

If you're my girl, swirl me around your room with feeling

As love sweeps over the room cuz' we tend to make, each other blush

(you make me blush)

They're so used to each other's presence even in a kitchen that can be considered a little cramped, they can perfectly navigate around each other.

After the two had eaten a delicious dinner, they are now cuddled on the couch with a blanket over the two of them, some movie playing on the TV. MC starts nodding off so Caleb picks her up and moves her to the bedroom, letting her snuggle against him. He brushes some loose strands of hair away so he can kiss her forehead,

"Love ya pipsqueak, sleep well."

And before drifting off he hears MC mumble a sleepy "I love you too..."

And that's how their perfect day ends.

You're the bird, I'm the worm and it's plain to see,

That we were meant to be.

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's rambling

Haaaa, I finally finished it yay! If you're reading this, thanks for reading this far! (or if you're a Caleb stan and just decided to read his part only, hello!)

I hope you enjoyed my takes. This was fun, I loved breaking down each song and just rambling my heart out over why each song gives me vibes for which character.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Oh look more headcanons

Who'd have guessed

Not me for sure

Okay sorry I'll shut up.

I'm highly music-driven and have been for many many years of my life.

And I'm presently unreasonably obsessed with The Fratellis after suddenly remembering they exist after like fifteen years of not hearing a single one of their songs. Don't ask me, it just happened a couple months ago and I decided not to question it.

So this is really stupidly niche of me, but these are their songs/lyrics that I associate with the Best Boys™, in a Character X Reader sense. The songs that are typically playing halfway on repeat when I'm writing any of them lately.

The song-links go to Spotify. It's not necessary to listen to them, the lyrics here are the main catalyst, but if you want to listen I'm not going to complain.

no but please I hope you like the music that I like I have no one to talk to about it and as a half-assed musician it's literally killing me and

Anywho.

Zoro

Living in the Dark

I was nothing less than torn, crying out to be reborn

Come back, baby, you could make me happy,

Maybe you could prove me wrong

You're the only one who could ever save me,

Maybe you could prove me wrong

I've been living in the dark down here too long

The song itself is far more upbeat than I'd generally associate with Zoro, but the lyrics speak to me on his behalf. The upbeat tempo is the equivalent of what you do to his heart when you're near him; it's strange and unfamiliar, but it's nice. He's iffy about being close with anyone, and he won't admit it out loud but he wants to be.

He's been alone for years, for damned near all of his life, and you're like the light at the end of that tunnel. He might try to push you away or be aloof and impersonal at first because the thought of being vulnerable frightens him a little, but he wants to be proven wrong. He wants to let you in, and he's willing to try.

Sanji

Sugartown

I get the strangest sense we were lovers past-tense

Like a dog in heat I just can't be indiscreet

And when I see you there, I whisper my prayer, so sweet

I'm getting shakey on my feet, I'm incomplete

And if you just can't do me right

Then, honey, please, do me wrong

I'll be your one man band, I'll be at your command

Just say the word and I'll be your Renaissance man

This entire damned song is the anthem of Sanji. It's like a 1950's bop, the type of song that you can't help but smile at. It's sweet and cute and pining, just like our favorite chef. He's just utterly obsessed and hoplessly devoted to you and every single thing you do. He can't keep his eyes or his mind off of you at any given time.

Just the sight of you entering the room takes his breath away, puts stars in his eyes. He would do or give absolutely anything to have you and to keep you forever, and he's going to make sure you know it.

Shanks

Babydoll

Babydoll, do you believe they'll catch you when you fall?

And when morning comes, the sun is gonna shine

Don't forget, your minor keys your half-lit cigarette

'Cause when morning comes, I know that you'll be mine

So let me in

I'm ready to beg and to sing for my sins

Not leave it to chance and sweet coincidence

I don't know. The soft yet slightly playful tone of the song in general just screams Shanks to me for no reason I can completely put in words. This particular portion of the lyrics is what I associate most with him.

He knows he wants you, and he wants to make sure you know it. Not to beat around the bush about it, but not pressure you either. Just make sure you know how much he cares about you and be as gentle and sweet as possible to prove it...and he knows it's going to work, and that you're already his whether you know it or not. But jfc also imagine that goddamned voice of his calling you babydoll please excuse me I need to go touch grass now

Mihawk

Medusa In Chains

I'm not your miracle man, I'm not your spirit guide

Before this whole thing began I had some sense of pride

Just one more night with your lips, your company is hard to eclipse

Weak-kneed, yes indeed, guardanteed, make my heart bleed

Give me a reason to breathe, don't let my sun go down

I'll make you stand and recieve, I'll be your sacred ground

Be my Medusa in chains, petrified

Only your beauty remains

The entire song. The ENTIRE SONG screams Mihawk to me. Slow-burn and seductive from start to finish. I get the same exact chills from this song that I get when he delivers that "Magnificent" line.

Lyrically relevant too. Falling for you in spite of his pride (and he has a LOT of pride to get past). You're like nothing he has ever experienced and he's utterly and hopelessly addicted to you. As much as he wants to fight it, he can't. In the same breath that he's trying to push you away and retain some grip on himself he's also pulling you back for more. He hardly even knows who he is anymore when you're near.

[moonjxsung]

Adding onto my last ask with my top 5 albums of ALL TIME….. in this order under great duress, but realistically they’re all fucking phenomenal:

1. Junk- M83

Ohhhhh my fucking god. I could talk about this album for YEARS. The instrumentals. The mix between upbeat/melancholy, the way it tells a story the whole way through. Guys I listened to this album on a loop all of winter and it’s officially my most listened to album of all time. Absolutely fucking phenomenal. Favs on here are probably “Bibi the Dog” and “Solitude” but it’s truly no-skip. This album makes me ascend. I would’ve killed to watch their Coachella set in 2016

2. How to Be a Human Being- Glass Animals

This albums feels like being transported back to the early 90s- it sounds like vibrant colors and textures and it’s just some of the most unique sounds I’ve ever heard. Beautiful lyricism from Glass Animals always. They were my most listened to artist in high school and seeing them get so big is like !!! ummm deserved !!! Favs on here are “Life Itself” and “Mama’s Gun”

3. Zaba- Glass Animals

By far the sexiest album I’ve ever heard. Sexy instrumentals, sexy lyrics. I need to eat someone out to this album do you understand !!!! This was my most listened to album in freshman year of high school and I used to listen to it on the way to competitions and fantasize about this one percussion instructor I was obsessed with who drove a really fancy Porsche. This album still sounds like him to me. Favs are “Hazey”, “Gooey” and “Wyrd”

4. Who Really Cares- TV Girl

Bisexual anthem clap if you’re surprised! No but this album feels like adjusting to your sexuality again at the tender age of half-fifty after one decade of antidepressants and selling your identity off to intrusive thoughts (meee :3) it makes me cry, it makes me laugh, it’s inspiring. I listen to this album and I’m like hmmm I hope everybody finds their own form of love in this universe and I hope they feel it so wholly and deeply that even the pain is subsided by the comfort in knowing that the human experience is a thing!!!! Favs are “Not Allowed” (fic which we do not speak of🫶), “For You”, and “Cigarettes out the Window”. My ex was a chain smoker so I hear a little bit of him in that one. Fuck you dude ❣️

5. DSVII- M83

Albums don’t need words to be fucking extraordinary. This one is that album for me. It transports me to a whole new world, the synth and the instrumentals are truly remarkable. It makes me feel like a child again and it reminds me of skipping school for a week straight when I had pneumonia and watching trippy 90s cartoons straight out of a fever dream over a bowl of soup. It’s like if “The Neverending Story” had a fully instrumental album to go with it. I hear Falkor in this entire album. Favs are “Feelings” and “Temple of Sorrow”

You’ll probably catch a few of these in fic playlists in the future, but highly recommend every single song on every single one of these albums. They remind me why I’m so into music in the first place. I can share my top 5 kpop albums if yall are interested tooooo 🫶👼 I love these questions so much thank u for this cloud anon ily

[distant-screaming]

Five favourite songs at the moment!

thank you for tagging me ana @solana-ceae omg I love songs and music and I will always talk about my faves <3333

These are in no particular order because I can choose five(ish) but I can't rank them :D

Lullaby for a Princess by Ponyphonic

GOD I love this song so much! The vocals are absolutely incredible, the music is very simple and fits the vibe perfectly, and it's so incredibly blorbo (specifically tragic siblings which is one of my top favourite tropes literally ever I eat it up EVERY time). Also, it's so fun to sing with its slight shifts in octave!

creature - w/ Orchestra by half•alive

Man. This song is so. It's magical, almost? I love the orchestra part because I'm a shameless music kid, but just - the entirety of this song is sooo good. It's this blend of heartbreaking and hopeful accompanied by amazing backing + vocals. And it's just such a song I love it - I want more of this genre of songs.

Inarticulation by Rio Romeo

This song is one that, every time I listen to it, I once again realize how much I love women <3 it's such a tender and raw song that's given life by utterly wonderful vocals and music. The wordplay is also so fun to me specifically because I'm a nerd through and through. I can't fully describe it but all of Rio Romeo's songs are very 'this is EXACTLY what it feels like' and I love it so much.

Night Flower by Ahn Ye Eun

Literally no one talk to me Ahn Ye Eun is one of my all time favorite artists - I only recently discovered her, but. chef's kiss. I adore ALL her songs so much. I debated putting CHANGGWI here instead, but Night Flower is the one I've been more obsessed with recently so! Her range is absolutely incredible I love listening to it, and the song just has a vibe that makes me want to listen to it forever. Also, I'm pretty sure Night Flower was written for a gay manwha? Which just makes it even better!

It's Tokyo by kakizaki yuta

kakizaki yuta is another one of my top music artists, I enjoy his songs a lot! It's Tokyo is probably my most played though. I don't know how to describe it because there isn't any one specific thing in the song that stands out, but all together it's so enjoyable to listen to that I often have it on loop. It's a very danceable song while also not being too upbeat so as to be distracting for when I'm studying :')

Bonus:

A Quick One Before the Eternal Worm Devours Connecticut by Have a Nice Life

The song title is WILD and I adore it. But the song itself is just absolutely amazing. There's no lyrics, just music, and it just. It feels like a very specific type of feeling I can't name but it makes me go absolutely insane every single time. Listen to it and you'll get what I mean.

Tagging: @qt-qtoey @jojotichakorn @akaane000 @ranchthoughts @cornflowershade @mutlishipperfangirl @softneomiro @chainedupgirlsblog @justafriend-ql @theoryofarson and anyone who wants to! I love finding new music and I wanna see your faves <3

[brasideios]

top ten favorite bands/musicians tag game

I was tagged by @mini-uzzy @aeide & @sleeplessincarcosa Thank you my dears 🤍

This is really difficult, but lemme see...

Joelistics - an Australian hip-hop artist, his solo work is about politics, story-telling, and is very self-reflective. Seamans Lullaby, In the Morning and Days are my absolute favourites. He was also the lead MC in the band TZU (pronounced tee-zed-you) and they made four albums which contain additional gems - Mondays and Coming Round are top tier. I've been following his work since the early 2000's (when Aussie hip-hop began, really) and it's so interesting tracing the development of his (and TZU's) music. It started very light and upbeat and grew steadily dourer and even a touch bleak by their final album. It says a lot for the times, and what growing up in this country is like, honestly. Very relatable.

Urthboy - another Aussie hip-hop artist with all the hallmarks of our brand of hip-hop. He is often upbeat - like Knee Length Socks, Shruggin' and Long Loud Hours are all great stories and/or cheerful beats - but he sometimes writes these stunningly intimate tracks - Daughter of the Light, which is an homage to his mum, or Natural Progression are good examples. He was (is?) also in the band The Herd. They are more politically focussed - the most famous song being 77% - a song that absolutely sizzles with anti-racist anger.

The Black Keys (of course) - I'd been aware of their existence for years and years (Gold on the Ceiling and Lonely Boy were everywhere at one point) but I had never been into it. Which retrospectively, is weird because I always like blues music, though I always skirted around the edges of it. What really grabbed me in the end was Howlin' for You, which began haunting me during last year. I'd wake up in the morning with that song in my head. So, I went digging for more, and an obsession was born. Personal faves include Crawling Kingsnake, Sinister Kid and Tighten Up - but there are so many great songs to choose from.

Editors - They are industrial rock (I think it's called) out of England, These guys are possibly my favourites of all time. Their music talks a lot about love and death in really interesting ways - it's a mix of rock, melancholy acoustic tunes and electro. Their album An End Has a Start is where I began, but The Back Room and The Weight of Your Love are brilliant albums. I'd single out All Sparks, Formaldehyde, and The Phone Book as their best, but it was a hard choice.

Kings of Leon - I was totally obsessed with their music around 2010 and I still passionately love several of their songs. Arizona, Knocked Up, King of the Rodeo, Waste a Moment, and Find Me are always going to be on a list of favourite tracks.

Talking Heads - I grew up in a musical household, in the sense that there was always music playing, mostly my dad's music. He was a young dad - 21 when I was born - so he was still very into popular music at the time (though definitely not R&B which was just starting to reach us in the late eighties. I often wonder what he would've made of Aussie hip-hop if he'd lived to hear it... anyway.) Talking Heads were big in my childhood, and I still really love their music - new wave is so fun and at times silly, I'm totally into it. Songs like Love for Sale, Psycho Killer, The Lady Don't Mind, And She Was and Girlfriend is Better are such cornerstones of my musical taste, I can hardly imagine who I'd be without them.

Dire Straits -Sultans of Swing is a forever favourite. It's one of those songs that reminds me really strongly of my dad. He had this silly way of singing the line 'it ain't what they call rock'n'roll.' I also really love Brothers in Arms and Romeo and Juliet.

Pink Floyd - the song Wish You Were Here absolutely defined a time in my life and sums up something about myself for which there are no words. The whole album (of the same name) is such a journey - even though I've always found Shine on you Crazy Diamond incredibly creepy. I also appreciate the album The Wall as a musical journey. Comfortably Numb, One of my Turns and the various iterations of Another Brick in the Wall are so, so good. Part 1 speaks to me on a cellular level.

Danheim - The soundtrack to my writing activities for years and years now, I couldn't make a list without mentioning him. I don't know the names of the tracks because I listen to whole albums at a time. They're all good. For some reason though, the song Glitnir is known to me as a particular favourite.

Heilung for the same reason as Danheim - though with Heilung, I've watched the full LIFA show like a thousand times; and I passionately love the song Norupo.

This is a very shabby, on the fly list - and I'm sorry for my inability to write anything short 😅

I'm tagging with zero pressure @liminalspacecowboah @i-gotta-get-normaller @myriath @woodsman2b @el-zorrito and anyone who I've undoubtedly forgotten who wants to jump in.

[disneyswiftpolls]

Vote for Aurora's song here (Closes Tuesday 10/24)

Submit song suggestions for Belle or any other upcoming heroines

Info Post with previous winners

Reasonings for each song option below the cut:

"Speak Now" from Speak Now (Taylor's Version)

The title is a little on the nose with the major plot point of Ariel being unable to speak for part of the movie. The song is a daydream about crashing an ex's wedding and stopping it so they won't marry the "wrong girl". In the movie, Ariel swims out to Eric's wedding boat to stop him from marrying Ursula in disguise. Very much the wrong girl! Not to mention that the upbeat youthfulness of the song suits Ariel very well.

She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen But I know you wish it was me You wish it was me, don't you? Don't say yes, run away now I'll meet you when you're out Of the church, at the back door Don't wait or say a single vow You need to hear me out And they said, "Speak now"

"Style" from 1989

This song is about a relationship that shouldn't work out, but the two people are irresistibly drawn towards each other. Eric and Ariel are from completely different worlds and everything says they are wrong for each other. But Ariel is a rebellious and determined romantic. She makes impulsive and even drastic decisions to follow her heart.

The song mentions "some other girl", which could be Vanessa/Ursula, or it could be read as the girl who saved Eric since he doesn't realize that it was actually Ariel. He is obsessed with finding her, but he is still drawn to Ariel.

Special shout-out to Eric's white "t-shirt" and Ariel's red lip classic thing. The song also mentions "some other girl" aka Vanessa/Ursula.

I say, "I heard, oh That you've been out and about with some other girl" Some other girl He says, "What you heard is true, but I Can't stop thinking 'bout you and I" I said, "I've been there too a few times"

"SuperStar" from Fearless (Taylor's Version)

This song is the first part of the movie when Ariel is admiring Eric from afar. It's a 'wrong but so right' attraction that seems like a long shot. She first sees him when he's playing music on his ship, but he doesn't notice her. She overhears him talking about the kind of girl he wants to marry and she smiles, fantasizing that it could be her.

After she rescues him from drowning, she has fully developed a crush and is even collecting merch of her 'superstar'.

This is wrong but I can't help but feel like There ain’t nothing more right babe Misty morning comes again and I can't Help but wish I could see your face And I knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all my rules to see you You smile that beautiful smile and all the girls in the front row Scream your name

"This Love" from 1989

All of the water imagery in the lyrics is perfect for Ariel. She is struggling with her life under the sea, wanting more, and then Eric shows up just in time. He provides the last nudge of motivation she needs to follow her dreams of being human and falling in love. Another song about a 'wrong but right' kind of love.

Clear blue water High tide came and brought you in And I could go on and on, on and on and I will Skies grew darker Currents swept you out again And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone ... Been losing grip on sinking ships You showed up just in time This love is good, this love is bad This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

[funkymbtifiction]

efj anon here! i read through your blog and i think esfj is the best fit. even though i relate a lot to se, i relate to ne as well. i guess i do use ne over ni, since i go back and forth on whether to move toward certain people or permanently stay away, and ni would probably stay away from its first negative impression. esfj sounds about right.

If you care to look through the character tags, you will notice a common trait of ENFJs being extremely single-minded in their opinions of other characters in the film -- because they tend to leap to a conclusion (either substantiated or not) and park there. The benefit of high Ni is single-mindedness; the downfall is narrow-mindedness in terms of challenging their own assumptions (this is less of a problem in more mature ENFJs than immature ENFJs for obvious reasons -- mature ones know their first assumption is not always correct).

for my enneagram, i think i’m probably a 2 or a 9.

I would put 6 in the running. Ping-ponging back and forth between making a decision (I don't want any more to do with this person) and then second-guessing it and changing your mind (I will give them one more chance) is very common in 6w7s, especially of the 692 tritype (which IMO is the one you are sporting in some order). 6w7s with 9 fixes make decisions and then second guess them, arguing themselves into giving people more chances and the benefit of the doubt, never trusting their negative assumptions about people (I should give them another chance/not think about them negatively; I am always aware of their flaws, but also quite convinced they don't mean to be a jerk to me!). 2 of course adds another dose of super-ego thinking (it's not right for me to have needs or to judge the people I care about in a negative light; that's not being a good and supportive and selfless friend!!).

for 9, i really want inner stability and fear separation from others. i don’t suppress my anger though and can readily show it to others, though i can feel guilty about it afterwards. i prefer to keep my emotions to myself and struggle with passivity, both in my career and with people. it’s only when i’m close to someone that i feel i can voice my opinions and be more combative. i seek outer stimulation that brings comfort, like obsessing over one specific show or listening to softer, mellower songs to soothe my anxiety. i also tend to disappear from others and isolate when i’m in a crisis. i don’t want others to see me that way, so i assure them i’m okay while dealing with it myself alone.

Hmm. I know an ESFJ 9 and while she is direct in immediately addressing things when she gets upset, she is also very passive and doesn't argue with her husband/those closest to her, because she doesn't want any argument on her side to cause separation/loss of attachment. I would dig into WHY you fear separation from others. Being withdrawn and separating from others in a crisis is 9ish, tho. Why are you doing that? What is your motive for doing it? Is it the FJ assumption that you ought not to trouble others with your troubles, that you need to remain upbeat for them all the time? Or is it that you feel overwhelmed by what's happening and can't make room for them right now until things calm down?

for 2, i relate to the fear of being unlovable or unwanted. i’ll stay in contact with people i’m not even that close to anymore and do things for them just to feel like i’m needed. it sucks when i don’t get that reciprocity or get the feeling that i’m dispensable. this part in your blog, “A 2 may supplement their emotional life through romance novels, romantic comedies, or Hallmark movies, anything where two people find each other and fall in love” really hit home because i seek these in media when i lack romance in my life. i can also be very conscious of my image and how i can appeal to others better. i don’t want others to think i need them though since that makes me seem vulnerable.

Could be either one, to be frank. You may need to dig deeper into what rejection means for the 2 (rejecting my need, or the belief that I need others, while assuming I am super important and vital to their well-being -- that I am needed) and compare it to the 9, but the bottom line is this -- you are on a plane. Someone does not speak the same language as the stewardess and is having trouble making the stewardess understand their confusion about their seats. You happen to speak their language. Do you help or not?

The 2 immediately helps. The 9 assumes the stewardess will take care of it, since that's her job and she deals with this stuff a lot.

[aerithkinfaker]

weekly playlist: week 1!

i'm such a musichead that i need to like talk about stuff so i've decided i'm going to start a weekly playlist thing of songs that i've been vibing to a lot this week! there is no theme and the vibes are going to be all over the place but it'll be fun so why not :3

here it is on youtube!

tracklist and explanations under the cut:

TOMBI by Kvi Baba -> i watched TriStamp with my partner a few weeks ago and this song has been haunting me ever since. Even if you're not into it, the song is genuinely a catchy bop that's worth giving a listen!

KILL IT by VUKOVI -> i have such a soft spot for british girl alt rock. the instrumental is really fun and upbeat, and the inclusion of synthesizers gives the brain such a good itch

Times is Hard by Nicola Wincenc -> a more obscure pick but a really good one. an experimental track that i've been looping for months at this point

Side Character by cloudfodder -> a song that i've only really been listening to through spotify radio, but one that's been playing in the back of my head more often than not. yes it is sad indieboy music but it's pretty good imo

Your Father's Son by Shayfer James -> i'm a longtime shayfer james fan i couldn't not include one of my favorite songs in this. your father's son is a scathing letter to the cycle of abuse and it knocks the shit out of me every single time i listen to it

Stuck With Yourself by NEW LANGUAGE -> obscure alt rock pick that i've been pretty obsessed with lately! if your father's son is a second-person letter to the cycle of abuse then stuck with yourself is a cry for help

Silent Running by Gorillaz ft. Adeleye Omotayo -> do i even need to explain this one it's fucking gorillaz. my mom likes them

the Pattern by The Narcissist Cookbook -> i've been meaning to listen to the rest of the album, but it's another one of those #relatable cries for help, and it's been getting stuck in my head more often than not these days and it's a good fucking song

delusionalism by MASS OF THE FERMENTING DREGS -> another track that's got me wanting to listen to a whole discography! really love the vocals in this track and messy instrumentals

GIMME DA BLOOD by C-Show -> this is how i out myself as being a rhythm game freak but this is such a good fucking edm track that you can use to break your car's stereo system. enough said about that

thank you for taking the time to read this :) i hope to keep some kind of schedule going on, even if this ends up being more like a music diary than not. please feel free to talk to me about some of my picks, and send me reccs! <3

[brettyimages]

January Record Review below

Elastica - Elastica - 10 Of course it's a 10. If I loved it less I could talk about it more. Highs: Vaseline is my favourite but so is 3/4s of the album. Lows: It's all great but these ones are less great than the others: S.O.F.T and Never Here (the long ones), Blue, and Indian Song (the only one I can't play on guitar/bass)

Summer 2019 mixtape - 10 I made this to listen to on my little Walkman at work and it's full of bangers. Side 1 is upbeat and mostly Britpop and late 80s alt, and Side 2 is all dreampop and hazy ballads. It's a masterpiece, honestly, and the fact I am still saying it's a 10 in 2023 says something about my tastes not changing, I suppose. Highs: I included a few of my favourite Suede tracks: Introducing The Band to start, Lazy on side 1, and The Living Dead and The Asphalt World (although it cuts off mid-solo) to finish. Also Fade Into You and Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby are back to back on the dreampop side. Lows: I went with Spastica by Elastica which is by no means bad but I should have cut off Justin's silly intro bit.

New Order - (the best of) NewOrder - 9 I love New Order as a singles band and I listened to this a lot this time last year. Everything here is great, even perfect, to me. Highs: I cannot stress enough how much I love Blue Monday (the 1988 mix appears here) Lows: Ruined In A Day doesn't match up to the others

The Smiths - Hatful of Hollow - 9 This was donated to the charity shop I worked in, the 10" double vinyl pressing, with white-tack stuck in the grooves. I've rehabilitated it and now it's one of my favourites. Highs: 10/16 of these songs are perfect pop records: William It Was Really Nothing, What Difference Does It Make?, This Charming Man, How Soon Is Now?, Still Ill, Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now, Hand In Glove, Girl Afraid, Reel Around The Fountain and Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want Lows: the slower ones were less engaging: This Night Has Opened My Eyes, You've Got Everything Now and Back To The Old House

Suede - Bloodsports - 9 This is an album of two halves and I find the last four tracks a bit slow compared to the first six but it has two of my favourite Suede songs on so still, 9/10 thanks for coming back babies Highlights: Barriers is one of my favourite post-reunion songs that they never play (🙁) and For The Strangers makes me feel invincible Lowlights: the last four songs slow things waaay down and I don't love Snowblind either but I think they're all still great songs

Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood - Nancy & Lee - 8 I love this album, it's magical to me. It was top of my wishlist and then one day I went down into the basement of the charity shop I worked at and there it was, an original vinyl copy donated and left on a stool. She's so special 💖 Highs: both Summer Wine and Some Velvet Morning are among my all-time fave songs, they're cult classics I know but they deserve it. Honorable mention to Jackson too. Lows: there's nothing bad on here but my least faves are You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin', Elusive Dreams, Storybook Children and I've Been Down So Long (It Looks Like Up To Me).

Depeche Mode - Music For The Masses - 8 I love Depeche Mode and this is from their great period, but my CD is a thrifted 80s pressing where they tacked on some b-sides and remixes which lets down the overall quality. Highs: almost the entirety of the standard album - I think Never Let Me Down Again, The Things You Said, Strangelove, Sacred, Behind The Wheel, I Want You Now and Nothing are all perfect records Lows: Agent Orange and the To Have And To Hold Spanish Taster are not worthy of being here

7"s 2486 - 2490 - 8 All Depeche Mode singles, acquired via eBay in the era when I was deep in my DM obsession. 2486. Everything Counts (Live) 2487. Personal Jesus 2488. World In My Eyes 2489. I Feel You 2490. John The Revelator/Lilian remix picture disc Highs: Personal Jesus, World In My Eyes, I Feel You and One Caress all perfect songs. Lows: John The Revelator (UNKLE Dub) - the remix does nothing for me and bears no resemblance to the album track, which I do like

Good Charlotte - The Young & The Hopeless - 8 This album was essential for me growing up, they were the first 'proper' rock band I got into as a 10 year old and my brother and I played this album constantly. Highs: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, Wondering, The Story of My Old Man, My Bloody Valentine, Riot Girl Lows: Hold On and Emotionless (the ballads) and the intro, good but not as great as the rest

Suede - The Blue Hour - 8 The album that hooked me in as a Suedegirl and I've rated it based on the average rating of the individual songs, which is why it's only an 8. It should probably be a 9 because it's one of those that needs to be looked at as a whole piece rather than a collection of songs, sorry I have been so unfair to you TBH I love you. Highlights: Tides!!!! I love her! Especially live, the build-up of that song is incredible. Lows: There are none, really - I considered ranking Dead Bird lower but then Brett's grunt as he shovels dirt got me.

Lily Allen - Alright, Still... - 7 I got this in the supermarket when it came out and I listened to it quite a lot despite being a certified emo girl. It's still really good. Highs: Smile, Knock Em Out, LDN and Friday Night are my faves. Lows: none, the rest are all good songs!

Elvis Presley - Elvis' Golden Records - 7 Elvis is obviously an icon with loads of great records. This is a repress of an old compilation that my dad had in his collection, with early hits. Highlights: Hound Dog and Jailhouse Rock, naturally Lowlights: the ballads, there's 5 on here

#148 - January 2015 pt. 2 - 7 First off can I just say I don't know how some of these songs managed to be relegated to pt. 2 of my monthly mix CD series because some of my favourite songs of all time are on here!!! Pt 1 is probably what I was listening to a lot at the time but didn't make a lasting impression. Highs: Animal Nitrate is on here!!! And so is Angels of Porn by Nicole Dollanganger which is also a perfect record. But the absolute number one, possibly my favourite song ever which I didn't appreciate at the time, Menswear by the 1975. Lows: the set opens with Nightcrawler by Kids In Glass Houses who I was listening to a lot at this time but it's not one of their hits.

Elastica - Weekend Swingers - 6 This was the first Elastica bootleg I bought on eBay and it's a good one, with a full 1994 festival set, 2 Peel Sessions and a couple of demos on the end. Rarely is a live version ever as good as the album though and bless Justine but her stage banter is always cringe. Highs: the demo of Vaseline is great and also the live version of Hold Me Now that they play here is also important - the guitars are played at double speed and there's an Ants-esque Burundi beat to the drums which I wish they'd kept for the album! Lows: there's none - it's a good set.

Elastica - Glastonbury Festival 25 June 1995 - 6 Another eBay bootleg, this time of their Glasto set. Again, it's all good but nothing special. Highs: Stutter Lows: n/a

#116 - 6 A mix CD that's largely devoid of theme; just me backing up songs I had downloaded that I didn't have any other place for. Highs: Ghost Town by The Specials is the highlight of any mix CD, I think Lows: Sonic Boom Six's cover of Addicted To Bass. I love the original and this version doesn't add anything so I don't need it.

7"s 2581-2585 - 6 I bought these as part of a box of about 50 cheap singles from Discogs where I was just racking up a cart of everything I might like to reach the free shipping amount. Some of the choices are unhinged. 2581 - Piero Umiliani - Mah-Na Mah-Na 2582 - The Fun Boy Three - The Telephone Always Rings 2583 - Lene Lovich - Say When 2584 - Shaggy - Oh Carolina 2585 - The Supremes - Baby Love Highs: Baby Love is a perfect record, of course, but I also have a soft spot for Mah-Na Mah-Na purely for the chaos factor. Lows: none, actually - I expected to say goodbye to Lene Lovich but I warmed to the song. Same with FB3 but the b-side is cool.

#145 - November '14 - 6 This was a month of very mixed vibes, fuelled by The Blackout's Wolves EP tour - a mix of pop, nu metal and a lot of Die Antwoord. Highs: two Die Antwoord songs that I will still listen to - Rich Bitch and Orinoco Ninja Flow - plus Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit, Twisted Transistor by Korn, and Blank Space by Taylor Swift Lows: Limp Bizkit's cover of Faith is bad.

#102 - 6 This is another mix CD that's just me backing stuff up so not very well put together although it includes some EPs and punk themes I suppose. Highs: The entire Dear Boy EP - 5 perfect songs that make me feel like I'm home. Also R U Mine? and Road Runner. Lows: Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab sounds engineered for the credits of some YA action movie and I think people used to put it in their fandom playlists on here a lot so it just sounds like really annoying Tumblr to me.

The Housemartins - London 0, Hull 4 - 5 This is another that I feel I might have been unfair to because I quite liked it, it's just that the songs are all kind of the same. There's 2 vibes - the jangly indie tunes and the ballads that are grasping at soulfulness. All of the former are good, all of the latter are not for me. Highs: Happy Hour was a hit single for a reason Lows: Flag Day is the ballad that drones on the longest, they're trying to be ambitious but I didn't like it.

Hyro Da Hero - Birth, School, Work, Death - 5 I saw Hyro a few times when he was promoting this album because of his feature on The Blackout's record and his subsequent support slot on their tour. I was really into it at the time but it doesn't do anything for me now. I didn't actually buy it at the time (I ripped it to iTunes from a friend's CD) but I found it in an Oxfam music shop years later. It's going back into the charity shop circuit now though. Highlights: Grudge, Ghetto Ambiance, Section 8 and Beam Me Up Scotty are my keepers Lowlights: The World's Stage was my least favourite - I find his misogyny really gross.

Mix CD #8 - 5 I think this dates to about 2007, maybe even 2006, when I would download anything and everything that was popular on PureVolume or Kerrang TV. The 20 tracks are split between decent rock songs and average ones. Highlights: By The Way by Red Hot Chili Peppers and In Too Deep by Sum 41 - both music TV staples Lowlight: Sinking Ships by Only Innocent Die, which would have been OK as a normal length song but it was 7 and a half minutes long and I got very bored waiting for it to end.

Propaganda - A Secret Wish - 4 I bought this at one of those charity shops in the Central Belt where CDs are 10p each, on the basis of them being on ZTT. I didn't enjoy it though, unfortunately, and I've not kept it in my collection. Highs: Duel was the only song I liked Lows: none of the rest was *bad*, just dull

From First To Last -Heroine - 4 I loved the first FFTL album so I was excited that this one came out as I was getting into them, but I never really gelled with it in 2006 and I still don't, sadly. Highs: The Latest Plague is the only song that does it for me. Lows: the rest is average quality.

Pixies - Come On Pilgrim - 4 I inherited this from a family member who emigrated so I don't feel like I can get rid of it even though I didn't enjoy it much. It doesn't have any of the well-known Pixies songs on it, or even anything that feels like it could have been a single. Highs: The Holiday Song and I've Been Tired Lows: everything else was a bit boring.

Top of the Pops 2000 - Vol. 2 [disc 2] - 4 This was so much worse than I remembered! It's mostly UK garage and really dull house music with a bit of mainstream rock on the end. The pop music on disc 1 may save this from donation. Highs: All The Small Things by Blink-182 is the sole attempt at greatness Lows: I was really unimpressed by the opener - A New Beginning (Love II Infinity Mix) by Stephen Gately. I don't understand why they would put remixes on a pop hits compilation when the remix wasn't the hit version (there's a remix of The Bad Touch on here too). I also didn't like Masterblaster 2000 by DJ Luck & MC Neat, but the worst thing on here was Who Feels Love? which is Oasis having a go at psychedelic Beatles and it's fucking dogshit.

[tillidontneedfantasy]

‘emails i can’t send’ - Sabrina Carpenter REVIEW: a star’s stream of consciousness

On Sabrina Carpenter’s fifth studio album, emails i can’t send, the former Disney star has a variety of songs where she deftly balances between taking and not taking herself seriously. She knows how to have fun but does not shy away from discomfort. While the album has a handful of great pop tracks, her sound is confused, feeling more like a copy of its influences rather than a byproduct. 

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “emails I can’t send,” “Tornado Warnings”

Carpenter is at her best when she is writing confessionally. “emails i can’t send,” the opening and titular track, is a short song about how her father’s infidelity has negatively impacted her ability to trust and feel secure in her relationships with men. Many people can relate to such an experience, and is a profound way to begin an album about relationships and honesty. 

Part of that honesty is admitting dishonesty. On “Tornado Warnings,” she reflects on why she might be lying to her therapist. When you tell your therapist something, you’re in tandem being forced to face it yourself, to acknowledge your own feelings and mistakes, which she is not yet able to do with this relationship. “I deserve an hour in a week to focus on my thoughts / not so obsessed with yours, I can’t hear myself speak,” she sings, showing how much he’s infiltrating her safe space, and yet, she likes it. The stream of consciousness of both of these songs feel like a therapy session, which is why they work so strongly here. Maybe she lied to her therapist, but at least she’s being truthful with the listener.

WEAKEST TRACK: “how many things”

The first lyric of this song is, “You used a fork once / it turns out forks are fucking everywhere.” I mean, enough said, right? She could’ve used literally any other object and maybe it would’ve worked. While the sentiment she is trying to portray makes sense in theory, it just doesn’t land at all, and feels like false profundity. 

THE IN-BETWEENS

Another song where Sabrina’s execution of an idea doesn’t work as intended is on “skinny dipping,” where the stylistic choice of the verses was clearly meant to feel conversational and bring something unique to the track, but just feels bland and out of place in comparison to the rest of the song, which does work quite well and has a lovely ache to it. Otherwise, the album has a good number of appealing songs, where influences such as Ariana Grande, Billie Eilish, and Kacey Musgraves stand out on upbeat tracks like “bet u wanna” and “Already Over.” Her two latest singles, “Vicious” (which sounds almost identical to Selena Gomez’s “Bad Liar”) and “because i liked a boy,” are both strong songs that address her previous relationship with actor and singer-songwriter Joshua Bassett, and the fallout of the public painting an unkind picture of them as a result of the passionate response to Olivia Rodrigo’s Grammy-winning Sour album (most of which is presumedly about Bassett, making Carpenter the “blonde girl” mentioned in the smash hit “drivers license.”) The latter explores how internet culture and the power of anonymity can negatively impact someone so, sending people death threats because of a narrative they want to create for their entertainment. The entertainment of music shouldn’t be picking apart the supposed subjects of a song, but rather relating to its content and immersing in the feeling instead of projecting onto strangers. The conviction in Sabrina’s voice as she sings “now I’m a home wrecker, I’m a slut” exemplifies her ability to overcome the situation by taking her power and voice back (in a much more effective way than her attempted 2021 single “Skin”).

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Nonsense”

“Nonsense” acts as both one of the strongest songs on the album and one of the least original. The track feels like a direct cut from Ariana Grande’s 2020 album positions; even her vocal tone and techniques imitate that of the superstar almost perfectly. If I don’t think too much about it, I think I’m listening to Ariana. All that being said, perhaps that’s why the song works so well. It is fun and infectious and would do really well on pop radio. And when she cleverly sings, “When you got your arms around me / Oh it feels so good I had to jump the octave,” it truly does feel so good. 

***

emails i can’t send is perhaps Carpenter’s most vulnerable project to date. The closing track “decode” is a nice bookend to the title track, the need not to leave a single stone unturned engrained in her by her father’s betrayal, has her racking her brain to decode every little thing that remains in the ashes of this relationship. But finally, “there’s nothing left here to decode,” she concludes. And with everything in the emails she can’t send that she’s published in these songs, there’s nothing left for us to decode either. Grade: 3/5

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I’ve known who Sabrina is since the ill-fated Girl Meets World, of which she was the true breakout star, and have been rooting for her on the sidelines since. I think she is a very talented young woman who did not deserve the internet’s vitriol towards her last year, and has done a better job at addressing it this time through this album as opposed to what she tried to do with “Skin.”  Overall, she has great vocal ability and you can see she has the songwriting chops there, but despite this being her 5th album I feel like she still has yet to discover her own true sound. It feels like a lot of borrowing, which of course, all music is to an extent, but not in a way where I feel like I could identify like, “Oh, that sounds like a Sabrina Carpenter song.” I think the more she practices and continues to write the closer she’ll get to finding it.

[ardn716-may]

WEEK 1 - Introduction to course + writing a self-directed brief

Task 1: Introduction

Hello there, my name is May Huang a fashion student dabbling into the world of photography. In the days that are filled with burst of energy to those that feel heavy with dark clouds looming, I find myself capturing the interesting details that come across this journey.

Filled with moments of still life to macro details in the camera roll of my phone, I hope to slip into fashion photography where collaborating and communication with others from designers, creators to models become such an important part of the process in the final outcome of the project. By the end of this journey I hope to curate a physical editorial based magazine that focuses on the craftsmanship of costume making by cosplayers a community where my fashion adventures began.

Task 2: Skill Matrix

To drag myself out of the dark places and not be afraid of trying I want to find myself and be passionate in learning from here and onwards.

Main skill that I lack is self confidence which brings a lot of these skills down. Understanding and reminding myself to speak my ideas while managing my schedule will be the main focus, ideally I would like to be on a constant grind and improve in all aspects.

Task 3: Single Image

Currently listening to: Distant - Finana Ryugu x Kyo Kaneko

To explain how I felt when listening to Distant was more difficult than expected. Music is often what I use as an escape to block noise out from around me or more than often to deafen my own voice thats constantly speaking in the background. Carefully listening to this song made me feel a slight lift of energy along with uncertainty in how I view myself.

Sparks of bright colours coming from the upbeat instrumental and a containment of emotions straying from oneself when are things I felt when carefully listening to the lyrics.

After listening to Distant a few times this memory of going to the casino at the end of the year came to mind. Rather than working like every other day and hiding in my room a random decision was made to go check out the casino with my siblings and feel the hype of people gathering for new years. The atmosphere was serious with people dressed up in evening wear and glamorous looks the casino was surprisingly rather quiet as money was on the line. This single image that I took on the day to the casino of The Lighthouse by Michael Parekowhai felt to me what incapsulate the feeling of being surrounded by sparks of energy resembled by the neon lights from the upbeat instrumentals in the song Distant. A sudden adventure to an unknown environment straying from my usual self.

Task 4: Photographic Campaign

Subway - Bruce Davidson

While looking through a flip through of the book Subway by Bruce Davidson, I became drawn into the raw emotions and colour that was achieved through film in a dim environment like the New York underground subway 1980s. Davidson's use of flash photography highlighting passengers actions in the underground felt exposing as he broke through the personal walls of people in public spaces, in contrast to the composition used to remind the viewer that each passenger is still travelling to their own destination aware of the dangers and sudden violence that could come with commuting underground.

I decided to study a bit about Subway by Bruce Davidson for my brief as I do not have a particular style however, I enjoyed how Davidsons curiosity and obsession in the events that he came across while travelling was translated through images in his photographic book.

Task 5: Curation of 7-10 best images

Samsung phone camera:

Canon 50D:

When being asked what style of photography do I like to create in I never had a straight answer. Taking many photos on my phone of family members, pets and lighting that I found interesting, my phone became filled with day to day events. I chose these final 10 images as my favourite during my time studying photography because these images are the ones that surprised me after pressing the shutter. My classmate mentioned that this collection gives dreamy, romanticised warm emotions which was also relevant in the darker images that I showed her earlier at the start of my blog. It was interesting to hear another perspective in how others viewed my images which has opened my mind in the direction I want to curate images this year.

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Wild Horse’s newest infectious indie-pop tune ‘Attraction’ glows through romantic storytelling and a charismatic sway

Boldly bearing their fifth single of the year, the rising indie-pop group Wild Horse are on a roll with their success and momentum of what has been a very busy year for the trio. Touring and gigging across England to get their new music in front of new faces, Wild Horse are just as dedicated in putting on a live show to remember as they are in putting out tracks you can’t get enough of - and their newest ‘Attraction’ fits the bill perfectly.

Glowing in with their signature groove and sway, ‘Attraction’ cascades through your eardrums right from pressing play with all the much-loved charisma and charm that Wild Horse always have to offer. Laced between a sensual electric guitar riff and floating vocals airily gliding through a loose higher range, ‘Attraction’ establishes itself to be an intimate treasure that’ll in many ways leave you swooning. It’s not long before it’s pushed forward by a thumping scattered beat, propelling the song along with a much-needed energy and rhythm while a building backing sound effect leaves you awaiting the choruses’ explosion. Falling into place with more dominant guitar strums, heavy beats and a looping guitar riff, Wild Horse maintain their personal feeling sound while bumping up the spirits, an atmospherically soaring assortment of instruments that continues its’ warmth the entire way through. Keyboard keys add a subtle vibrant edge as the track progresses, keeping things exciting in terms of progression while limiting their palette of sounds to one that’s upbeat but tender all the same. At two and a half minutes long, ‘Attraction’ doesn’t waste a second of its time with you, infectiously wrapping its colourfully infused sound into your brain and always leaving you wanting just that little bit more.

As per their speciality of songwriting, ‘Attraction’ is yet another glowing romantic serenade that Wild Horse have utterly perfected at this point, writing straight from the heart but always edging in a painful depth to their every sweet word. Written by their frontman Jack Baldwin, ‘Attraction’ soars out as a fast-paced anthem delving into attraction at its highest forms, at times leaving you hurting - whether that be from yearning to advance their relationship, or never being satisfied with what they get unless they’re entwined 24/7. Seemingly romanticising someone from afar, ‘Attraction’ looks through rose-tinted glasses at an overwhelming new crush, mesmerised by their every move: ‘when I see you moving like that, wish you’d do it like that for me.’ Singing ‘I don’t really know if this is too far, but I always think about you when it gets dark’ , Wild Horse also entangle lyricism that’s multifaceted in interpretation, alluding to both potential lust as well as the intimacy of the night’s solitude. But this love is almost too much, like an all-consuming obsession that leaves them pained when there’s any distance between them: ‘it’s getting to the point where it’s hurting.’ It’s clear their emotions are almost out of control in lyrics like ‘it ain’t even been two weeks, but I know it’s you’, falling head-over-heels at first sight without thinking deeper. As Wild Horse continue to tear apart the constructs and perceptions of love we all share, their every word and song allows for an insight into relationships and raw emotion that’s not always flowers and rainbows, showcasing imperfect humanity in its purest form.

Check out ‘Attraction’ here to enjoy Wild Horse’s ever-addictive sound with a more meaningful message than you’d expect.

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.

[stcrsabcve]

(—) ★ spotted!! ESMERALDA STRYKER on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 40 year old looks like JAMIE CHUNG, but i don’t really see it. while  the SINGER/RECORD LABEL OWNER is known for being UPBEAT my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be OBSESSIVE i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song PERFECT BY SIMPLE PLAN  {she/they / demi-woman} 

TLDR version because oof its rambling below

is very much punk rocker turned officer work vibes

pansexual demi-woman who uses she/they pronouns

had a punk rock band (based on Paramore) from her last year in high school until 2013 when they split due to creative differences

they began their own label in late 2013 that is mainly dedicated to those who identify a LGBTQIA+ to help protect them from asshole producers and label owners. She is the only sound engineer signed to the label so everyone gets 1 on 1 time with her and she knows the only person who can fuck it up and be blamed is her.

Doesn't have a large interest in playing solo, considering herself retired from performing but might be convinced to do so.

Wanted Connections

Signed to her label 0/3: Musicians (or band) signed to her label! Best friends 0/?: What it says on the tin! Former band members 0/4: They were together for around 10 years before spliting How they feel about the split is UTP Former lovers 0/?: what it says on the tin

Rambling Paragraphs!

Esmeralda is the middle of three children. From a young age they showed incredible talent in music. Her older brother was a fantastic cello player and destined to join the most illustrious orchestras in the world. Her little brother was an budding concert pianist. Esmeralda on the other hand struggled to find something she was just as good. She had started piano before her younger brother, she worked hard at it right up until he started lessons. Losing complete interest her parents and tutors began gushing over her brother’s natural talent. Only in the last 10 years had she picked up playing once again.

She tried many instruments; violin, guitar, flute, even the saxophone but she wasn’t as good at them as her brothers were at their instruments so she gave up trying to be the best at them, years later she only plays them whenever the need strikes her.

She didn’t truly discover her voice until she was 16 years old, she knew she was good at singing but never considered it before. Her parents had expected all their children to learn instruments. She auditioned for the school musical, mainly to spite her cousin who had also auditioned for the same role. She got the part and loved it. Nothing gave her the same thrill as performing on stage and with all the attention straight on her. It was the first time she had the amount of attention she thought she deserved. 

She worked at her father’s record label at 17. Helping mix a few tracks here and there as well as backup vocals on a few tracks which caught the attention of one of the producers. Her first single was released not long after. It wasn’t great, the style of the song didn’t work for her. Her parents were incredibly disappointed that she "lacked talent in music" when they meant "lacked talent in music they like"

 Esmeralda formed a band with a few friends she had made at school and convinced one of her dad's sound engineers to record them on the side. They took the CD and shopped around until someone would pick them up.

The band broke up around 10 years ago after over 10 years of thundering success. Including multiple hit records and weeks at number one on the charts. They stopped wanting to make the same kind of music and eventually stopped wanting to play together at all. This was when Esmeralda began their own record label. They had very little interest going solo but wanted to continue to help others find their fame. Many wanted to sign but Esmeralda was very selective with her signees. She didn't want her label to become huge, just her stars. It is mainly dedicated to those who identify a LGBTQIA+ to help protect them from asshole producers and label owners.

[sandwichcipher]

dawn fm - the weeknd

so i wanted to add more DIVERSITY to my tumblr page so I’m posting my review that I posted on my discord about the weeknd’s latest album, dawn fm. just a reminder, i rushed wrote this and did it during school on a march evening last year.

enjoy!

Throughout the course of the pandemic, The Weeknd had his biggest moments to date. From a successful roll-out of his album, After Hours, to sweeping awards for “Blinding Lights” and “Save Your Tears”, to performing at the Super Bowl, it seemed like he hit his peak, as he had been successful with Starboy and Beauty Behind The Madness which his biggest singles are on. In 2021, he released the first single of his, at the time, upcoming album, known as “The Dawn”, called Take My Breath. It peaked at number 6 on the Billboard Top 200 charts. Critics praised the song for its’ dance pop direction, thanks to producer Max Martin, and his vocals on the song reminding them of Michael Jackson. Fans now expected a disco, synth-pop heavy album. He then began teasing the album once-more towards the beginning of the year, promising for an early release for the fans as he believed during the rough times, music helps. He released the album, DAWN FM on January 7th, 2022 with widespread acclaim from critics, praising the music’s “enchantment” and being more upbeat than his previous records. Why I picked this album is how perfect it is. From the opening title track, the heaven-sent synthesizers giving you a feeling approaching heaven. The lyrics based of death, continuing off the previous records’ theme, as this is a sequel to After Hours.  Jim Carrey’s narration sounds so relaxing and it really does makes me wish Jim Carrey could have his very own radio station. The next track, Gasoline, at first listen, caught me by surprise yet I still loved the song. Lyrics relating to trying to find hope after death, as one of the lyrics describes “it’s 5am, I’m nihilist, I know there’s nothing after this.” Pouring out the gasoline, I believe, means to burn his soul or to burn his body. The production on Gasoline feels very eery and yet, you can dance to it. I really enjoy this song a LOT, his lower pitch voice fits the production. The next track, How Do I Make You Love Me? The production is fucking PERFECTION. Everything about this song is perfection, and I’m obsessed with the song. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t listen to this song, this song is everything to me. The way it transitions into the next song, Take My Breath, which was the lead single, is perfect. Take My Breath, at first listen, I did enjoy the single but yet I never came back to it as much as I wanted to. It wasn’t until before the album came out where I listened to it more and appreciated it, and was mixed towards the extended version being used, but I now prefer the extended version. The longer intro, the longer bridge, so amazing. The next song, which was the second single, Sacrifice. I fucking ADORE this song. The production is on point, his vocals are outstanding. Just absolute perfection. I really love this album from top to bottom, Out Of Time, gave me Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature” vibes. Tyler’s verse on “Here We Go Again” was a bit short but however it still satisfied me enough after his run of music & features during the CMIYGL era. “Best Friends” is really good, the production is a bit simple but the transition into “Is There Someone Else” is fucking AMAZING. Hearing it on the livestream, I screamed. Now, “Is There Someone Else” is out of this fucking world. When he teased this song, I was DESPERATE to hear it. The song was what I wanted for that one week, I would always keep that section on repeat. The transition onto Starry Eyes was great. I’m glad that he didn’t connect Starry Eyes to ITSE because I think the replay value for the song would’ve been very short for me. The “skit” Every Angel Is Terrifying, very fitting to the radio theme. “Don’t Break My Heart” is very outstanding and perfect. It had me crying. I don’t really like “I Heard You’re Married,” only due to Lil Wayne’s verse being somewhat disappointing but it’s still listenable. Less Than Zero… WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS MAN ON MAKING THE SONG IT’S BEAUTIFUL. IT REMINDED ME OF SAVE YOUR TEARS. I CAN’T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I ADORE THIS SONG TOO. The ending, Phantom Regret, wow. It ended the album perfectly and Jim’s narration… really… it really made me happy. This album is a 10/10. Please listen to it if you haven’t. Favorite Songs: Gasoline, How Do I Make You Love Me?, Take My Breath, Sacrifice, Out Of Time, Here We Go Again…, Is There Someone Else?, Don’t Break My Heart, Less Than Zero