#of a sort i guess idk i still dont know how to tag it

[hedonicghost]

sometimes healing is realizing that your anxiety is more of an "antisocial creature trying so hard to get by" kind of situation than an "antisocial creature that wants to bite and kill and maim" one.

[sunsetcorvid]

genuinely been really wanting to get into music composition but it's one of those things that i've never fully learned and that everyone who actually does it has just been doing it since a young age and knows more things which. yknow is normal.

the Want to learn music and the Fear of Fucking It All Up Somehow

[ezlo-x]

Erm,,,ig i’ll ask

I feel like hiding here and pretend that im typing in the tags would help but. Is it normal to feel like a rut in writing? I never like to ask or talk abt this things cause I do have a sort of pride and worry ppl will doubt my skills. Idk smth like that. Lately I’ve been feeling this writer’s rut with my au’s story. Where things feel very spotty, yknow when you rub your eyes hard you start to see spots? Well that’s how I see my au story, where it’s clear on what I want in certain parts but it’s a haze in other areas.

I feel like im overthinking and over complicating things in my story. Rn where its at in the comic is fine. I guess the issue I have is that it feels like there’s so mich going on. Like do I want to go on this path? Will it be easier if I try another way? I feel like I haven’t explored certain things that I want to explore. I feel like I haven’t pushed much the horror elements of my story enough. But I worry it will be too edgy. I feel like im adding too much symbolism and details where there shouldn’t be. But I also love adding symbolism even in the smallest details. Idk this chapter really cracked my little head, aside from feeling frustrated that the linework doesn’t look good cause im still figuring out the pen pressure to my liking. I love the story I wrote for that chapter and im still pretty proud of it, I guess it just feels like im taking too long to work on when I just want to finish it and share with you all.

Anyways I guess this is entering in vent territory but I would like some advice to figure this out. I guess that’s the issue of being an overly critical person that you become your biggest critic. But I love criticizing things!! I love being critical!! I love engaging in discussions on how things could work better!! But also im a very scared and paranoid person nfkajfksnkfb i mean no harm. Ik this story will not be a 10/10 story I at least want it to be cohesive. I at least want people to enjoy it. Ik this story for me mostly but I feel lost!! Idk what to do!! But I also feel so selfish in asking its weird like i dont want to this to be all abt me. I just want to figure out smth that I feel a little lost on.

Strangely enough I love doing art critiques in class. I love hearing what ppl have to say eventho 90% of the time its just ppl standing there awkwardly cause ppl are afraid to say anything. But I enjoy it! But it’s also a double edged sword, cause art class you are free to critique cause ur learning but here?? This is my personal stuff for my own enjoyment, how would I handle that? Ig advice on how to improve would work than straight up criticizing my work. But also ik that I might get an anon or two with this post and I always get scared getting an ask when it’s related to criticism. Im sorry but I get scared!! Im spooked!! Idk if its cause in the past it was very much a russian roulette of an anon being nice or anon being fucking mean. Like dating back to when I was teen. Did you guys know that some of my artwork that I did when I was 16 ended up in kiwifarms?? My scariest tumblr moment…..

Anyways I realized I went off the rails on what I was originally asking for..

[em-harlsnow]

AO3 wrapped 2024

thank you to @energievie for making this and @mybrainismelted for tagging me <3

( I only started writing in 2024, but I still wanted to do this :) )

How many words have you written this year?

solo: 295,326

group projects (with @spookygingerr ): 47787

How many works did you publish this year?

24 total

1 group project

5 WIPs

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

It's a tough choice, but I'm proud of 'iron bars' because it's the longest thing I've written. Other than that, it's probably either 'motherhood and what comes of it' or 'lilac shirts and bart simpson'.

What work of yours has the most hits?

Iron Bars - 9,390

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

'lilac shirts and bart simpson' and 'your all talk'

Favourite title you used.

'lilac shirts and bart simpson' (it's random, idk why)

and 'cardinal sin is a vivid red' (because I got a bit into red imagery for a bit)

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

I don't, but one of my fics is named after a song lyric, which is 'I see you as I see yourself' from Vampire Empire by Big Thief

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

I only wrote for one, lol, so Gallavich <3

Favourite pairing you wrote for this year?

Again, Gallavich

What work was the quickest to write?

Anything from 'Gallaghers and Group Chats' was quick to write

What work took you the longest to write?

'not everything's a struggle' and 'iron bars' are hard for me to write sometimes

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

Three or four, but most are just new chapters to current WIPs

What’s your longest work of the year?

'Iron Bars' - 80676

What’s your shortest work of the year?

'I like taking pictures (as long as your in them) - 865

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

'Iron Bars', 'Heard you could save me' and 's'more of you')

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Fluff, apparently

Your favourite character to write this year?

Mickey my beloved but Ian is a close second, I also really like writing Lip as a side character because he can have good banter with other characters

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Maybe Ian? I love writing him but it can be more difficult at times

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

....gallvich?

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

'you're all talk' probably

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

8515

Which work has the most comments?

'iron bars'

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

yes, 's'more of you' with @spookygingerr <3

Did you write any gifts this year?

no I did not

Did you receive any gifts this year?

nope (I dont really know what they are or how they work tbh)

What’s your most common category?

angst mixed with fluff I guess

What do you listen to while writing?

Mitsky or any alt music really, plus a little hiphop

Favourite work you wrote this year?

'lilac shirts and bart simpson' or 'motherhood and what comes of it' or 'I see you as you see yourself' or 'you're all talk'

Favourite line/passage you wrote this year?

it's sort of long, but oh well

You’re gonna act like you were the only one who had it bad!? You don’t even fuckin know what he did to me when he came back early from a run and found me and Ian together! You don’t know a fucking thing!” Mickey looks like he might stand, but he remains seated mainly because of the pressure of Ian’s palm on his leg. “You’re acting like I’m fucking mad at you for leaving, when I’m not! You’re acting like I wish you’d stayed! You’re fucking acting like you know anything at all, and you fucking don’t. I’m fucking pissed at you because you abandoned your kids! You fucking- you fucking- you- abandoned me! I fucking- needed you and you left! Mandy needed you, and you left! And you didn’t take us with you!”

from 'motherhood and what comes of it'

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

since I started writing this year I was surprised at actually getting any hits or attention at all. I only started writing because my cousin dared me to, so I wrote 'it's dark tonight (will you stay?)' and then started to get a positive reaction and kept writing.

I'm tagging:

@blue-disco-lights, @sgtmickeyslaughter, @crossmydna , @sam-loves-seb, @suzy-queued, @runninonemptyy, @gallawitchxx , @blue-disco-lights @wehangout @callivich @ian-galagher @deathclassic @palepinkgoat @whatthebodygraspsnot @em-harlsnow @catgrassplantdad @darlingian @sgtmickeyslaughter @burninface @jrooc @mybrainismelted

Questions:

How many words have you written this year?

How many works did you publish this year?

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

What work of yours has the most hits?

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Favorite title you used.

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

What work was the quickest to write?

What work took you the longest to write?

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

What’s your longest work of the year?

What’s your shortest work of the year?

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Your favorite character to write this year?

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

Which work has the most comments?

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Did you write any gifts this year?

Did you receive any gifts this year?

What’s your most common category?

What do you listen to while writing?

Favorite work you wrote this year?

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

[wishfuldeity]

THIS PINNED IS SUPER FUCKING OUTDATED WE'LL MAKE A NEW ONE WHEN WE CAN BE BOTHERED TO

uhh as a collective we use plural they/them but the individuals mostly use she/(something). like she/her or she/it. so she/her is a safe bet if you don't know who's talking. (we'll correct you if that is incorrect though, say if 14's talking)

weve got, well two-ish systems in one? i guess? kinda? (its complicated):

---

lexi (she/her). I'm the host (ehh kinda), i made this blog originally.

kat (she/it/kitty). shes a uhh. cat :3 therian as fuck. "meowmrrpmreowww"s a lot. draws more than the rest of us. cute as shit. yk. we love her.

Jay IS BACKK!! her absence was destroying us shes so fucking aughhh <333 jay!!! shes uhh more hyperactive musician/guitarist, bit butchier than the rest of us,,, uhhh. kinda hypegirls a bit

---

Amy (she/her) Amy (it/she) ok this is where it starts to get kinda fucky, uhh-- basically Amy was the original host up until some time around our early teens and then lexi sorta came into existence?? idk. lexi's system (herself, kat, Jay, and to some extent, Amy) is a subsystem separate from Amy's system (the original system, we believe). Everyone below here is directly connected to Amy instead of lexi. (IM NOT SURE HOW TRUE THIS IS ANYMORE)

im pretty sure im more of like a representation of our mind in general or something, like i—well i used to be in the space outside lexis headspace but now im kinda hanging out in here while still being separate. uhh fuck also im an angel or something. super bright. idk. something something i can change forms,,,something this internal reality bends to my will uhhhh yeah ::3

0xA (pronounced 'Oh-X-A' or just 'A') (it/its). robot/program thingy. idk i just kinda am, i manage sensory overload most of the time.

Annie (she/her?) is really-- we still dont know much about her. shes some sort of fae, perhaps an elf in some way. often very confused.

---

Mind (they/them). Some sort of uhh idk, self-described "background process" but they're more than that? They are extremely calm when the rest of us are stressed or panicking and comfort us and help us sleep and <3 we love Mind :33

---

most original posts will be tagged #[alter] and #[alter]posting, maybe #alter [verb]s if someones drawing or writing or something

like [#lexi #lexiposting] or [#kat #katposting #kat draws], for example.

if you have any questions we're ok to answer them btw

uhhh thats all i think :33 mreow hehe :33333 jadjaldlk

[yuyu1024]

I think... I love you

Pairings: Yunho × y/n x Mingi

Genre/tags: arrange marriaged, love triangle,

Warning: 🔞🔞🔞📢 cheating (don't do this) smut/angst, cursing, pet names, a hint of family relationship issue but not much, smoking, fetish/kinks, jealousy

~~~ [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 4.2k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: continutation of 'Won't you regret it?' I hope its a good part 2 for you guys

-- also question... if you are the FL... who would you chose?

Likes and reblogs are much appreciated 😊

****

"Are you alright?"

Yunho enters our bedroom bathroom where I am standing in front of the mirror, zoning out. He is busy undoing all the buttons of his white shirt.

"Since we came back from my parent's house... you've been quiet."

Usually when we are together, I nag. Just a tiny bit. Or maybe not nag but you know chat. I rarely talk to anybody since I got married so, I talk whenever he is arround.

I always tell him what I did during the times he was gone like updating him since he have no clue what the heck is going on with me coz he is not the type to chat with you when he is away. He just text. Though very seldom.

"Yunho..." my eyes darts at him, through the mirror

"Hmm?" He answers while he's facing away and undressing.

"Can we have sex tonight?"

(I know what you may think. That sex is just my main purpose in life but i swear its not. I just... idk... find it... my go to when i dont know what to do? Plus how can I not want it if I have Yunho as my guy?)

He pauses unbuckling his belt and turns around, "do you really want to?"

I sigh as I face him as well. "I want sex. I miss sex." Then I look down at my dirty skirt. "I missed.... you... I guess..." I trail off, a whisper.

This is very out of my character. I admit I do ask him for sex when I want and need it. But saying I miss him outloud... thats new from me.

And yes he always ask me if I really want to. He always wants me to confirm what I want and need. He always makes sure that I am completely 100% okay with it. Because Yunho, well I did mention that he is amazing at sex right? Or if I haven't. HE IS. and If i also forgot to say that boy have kinks and fetishes, He does have. Also even though He looks like an angel, he does rough sex as well especially when he's really in his momentum.

I was stunned when we had our first rough sex during our honeymoon. I almost didn't recognized him. But that was fun. It was an experienced I never had before. (Don't worry it's not too extreme. Just a little spank, choking and tying my hands sort of thing. And this man loves biting my neck and shoulder)

"What did you say?" He asks. His eyes are wide and looks lost

I roll my eyes and turn my back to him. "Nothing..." he didn't heard me.

I guess I am a bit relieved he didn't heard me say I miss him. Because how dare me utter those words after what I did today? I let his friend, his bestfriend, eat me out and even agreed to have sex the next time we meet.

I am evil. I always tag myself as the poor girl who got married to a guy who I don't love, the girl her parent's threw under the bus and the girl who have nothing besides be a wife to him. The fuck? I am the worst person ever. Between the two of us, I am the devil.

"Well... do you want to have sex or not?" I ask again

He's now behind me. He snakes his arms around my waist as he watches me through the mirror.

"Don't you miss having sex with me?" I spat

"What do you mean?"

I turn again to face him, looking up. "Whenever you're home. I always ask you for sex. While.... You never do."

He crunches his brows "I do."

He does but of course the emotional girl in me feels like I ask for sex more than him.

"Not as many as I do."

"Does that matter?" He smiles

"Yes!" Not really. Maybe I just want more of him wanting me and needing me.

"Hmm?" He takes a step back, confused but still smiling. He's not offended by my drama

"Well... It makes me think that when you're away you must ha--" I pause for a second. I was supposed to add more drama by asking if he fucks other chicks than me but I saw something. "What is that?" I panic a little. It's bandage on his lower abdomen. Almost hidding on the hem of his pants. It's not big but still. "What happened?"

"Oh. It's just a small cut."

"Just a small cut? From where? How?" I look closer. "It's new..." I glance up at him, worried. "Yuyu... what happened...?"

"It's nothing..."

"Are you sure?"

He nods. "Yes... don't worry..."

Fuck. He is smiling. I guess it's not a big deal?

I sigh heavily. But it's not a relieved exhale. I know this has something to do with his work. He can always lie but I know. I am not that stupid.

We have been having sex coz... duh we are married. So we see each other naked. I've seen a few scars from his back and arms already. He might think because they are not big so its not that noticable. However I do see it. How can I not see it? I drool just gazing at his figure. I see everything.

"Hey..." he moves closer again and this time, super close that I could feel his boner through my skirt. "Don't frown... I just got back. And I want to see you smiling... not like that..." he softly says.

He cups my face with his one hand and plants the most delicate kiss I have ever received from him on the corner of my lips.

"I missed you too..." he adds before a smile creeps back in over his lips. "And... Yuyu...?" He suddenly says.

Oh crap he heard? Both? And now He's fucking teasing me! Wait. Did I really called him Yuyu outloud? Shit! That nickname is supposed to be for me only. Crap!

"Where did that came from?" He leans lower, making me arch my body to give him access and starts to kiss me on my neck. "Can you... Say it again..." he says in between kisses on my skin

"No..." I whine as I close my eyes

"Please... say it again..." he is talking so delicately all of a sudden. Sounding like a whine but a seductive request. "Say it..." his hands then gropes my boobs. My weakness.

"If I say it again... will you fuck me?"

My mouth then drops as his one hand goes straight to my core. He is caressing it and rubbing his palm on it, making me feel his fingers through my panties.

"Still on birth control?" He asks

I nod as we both look at each others eyes.

"Good."

He lifted me up, positioned me where I could sit comfotably on the top of our marble sink and spread my legs apart.

"You have no plans tomorrow.. right?" He tears up my panties making me gasp. "Coz... It will be a long night..." he snarls while he puts his pants and underwear down in one go.

I shake my head, answering no. I can't speak. I am... I am losing my mind.

He holds onto his length, aligning it with my folds and. "Answer me." He growls before he eases himself in. Full and strong.

"No!" I squeal. "I.. I have... I have no..." I put my arms around his nape, grabbing for dear life. "I have no plans..." I am breathing heavily.

My toes curls as he thrusts. Holy shit!

"Yunho! Ah!"

He is aggressive. This is different but good. Did he really meant it when he said he missed me too? Miss me how? Just for sex or miss ME?

"FUCK!" I hug him as he pounces me.

We both ruined our masters bathroom. It got messy. I need to personally rearrange our sink as I every beauty product, perfumes, body lotions and etc  got thrown on the floor. Plus the towels  oh god our towels. Hmm. We need to buy new ones.

****

After spending time together last night, in my surprise he didn't leave the following day. He actually fucking stayed and I woke up afterwards, still embraced by him. He's sleeping so peacefuly beside me. I finally saw him again, looking like a baby and dreaming.

This is what I want. This is what I need. This is what will make me fall in love with him. The in between the sex. Him being there, present and us having morning talks and etc. Yes sex is part of anyone's life (as long as you want it of course) but the beauty of having someone beside you, always is different.

Maybe I am selfish to wish something from a man who married me for business but I hope I could atleast get this from him. I am not asking and wishing for him to love me (if ever I get to truly learn to love him through out this marriage) I just want him to be a partner to me. I want to have and experience what my parents didn't gave me growing up. Spending time with me, giving me the attention I need even without asking and care. That's all. I know not everyone can love me but atleast just those three. Just.... that. It's not an impossible wish right?

But then again, do I even have a right to wish these from him?

****

I have been zoning out a lot these past few days. I have been contemplating and thinking about me and Yunho. Mostly about me, about my random emotions, my needs and wants.

I am definitely at lost. I may be an adult but my brain can't handle this type of adulting called the "Feelings". Especially when it gets complicated like this because of my shit descisions. Meaning hooking up with Mingi.

Why did I even did it? Like what had gotten into me? I am not like this. I know I value people's feelings. Why did I break when Mingi had his hands on my boobs that day. Why did I spread my legs for him? Why? Why?!

Am I that hungry for sex from Yunho that core just said hello to the next guy that's had the same length as my husband even though its different type of dish?

Fuck. Now I am thinking about these men as food. I am CRAZY!

"Hello baby girl..."

I jump on my seat as Mingi shows up, kissing me on the cheek.

"What the fuck?" I hiss at him, glaring even. "Why did you kiss me?" I look around and could see Mrs. Jeong and Mrs. Song from afar busy looking at the set of jewelries on the table.

Fuck. I almost had a heart attack. Glad they are busy and focused on the sparkles.

"It's just a kiss on a cheek baby." He says in his low voice, a whisper.

"Still...." I exhale, exasperated

"You are not responding to my texts lately." He says as he sits down at the chair across me.

"I got busy."

"Busy?" He repeats, sounding a bit amused. "We had a deal..."

"I am doing it... the painting... I mean."

He chuckles, leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees. "Baby girl... that's not the only canvas we planned to paint... remember?" I see his eyes scanning me from my chest down to the thing between my legs. "I was promised a sex... you gave me little taste of what heaven feels like and you're suddenly backing out?"

"I'm...."

"Well...?"

I look away and try to focus on Yunho's mother picking jewelries she would like to wear for the ball.

"Can we talk about the painting later?" I say a bit louder so the others could hear.

He chuckles and lay his back, resting. "Fine."

"Is everything alright?" Mrs. Jeong asks

"Yes." I answer smiling.

"I see." She then goes to sit down beside me and shows me this amazing diamiond tear drop earrings. "This would really go well with the black heart neckline gown of yours.. for the ball."

I look at it and my jaw drop how pretty it is. "It will... but..."

"But?" Mrs. Song butts in. "What you mean but? That's one heck of an expensive earring darling... don't you like it?"

"Oh gosh... I do... I do, Mrs. Song.. " I hold her hands and thanked her for the jewelries she brought for us to check and chose from. However...

"Did Yunho said, you two will not go to the ball?" Mrs. Jeong asks

I press my lips together. Not responding to the question. But of course, Yunho's mom knows it already.

"That boy and socializing..." she sighs

"Your son is not going again? But he said he will. He said he will atleast try once he gets married. And now he is married with this wonderful woman.. why is he not coming again?" Mrs. Song says

"Yunho really can't keep promises. What's new?" Mingi stands up and goes to stand near the open window. He's going to smoke again.

"Even if he promised to his mother?" Mrs. Song is bothered and sad.

She was expecting to see me and Yunho to the ball she will be hosting for this halloween season. It's for charity and also her favorite time of the year so she's very excited. She wants everyone to be present and to have fun.

"Even to me... his godmother?" She pouts

"We all know he's like that... work is important to him than us..." he puffs a smoke out. "Sorry Mrs. Jeong..." he adds

"It's okay dear. I know it already so..." Mrs. Jeong puts the earrings back to its case and just smiles at me. "Anyways... we can still hope for next time."

"Yeah... we can." I mumble

So, it's not only me who have issues with Yunho keeping promises and being present.

"So," Mrs. Jeong stands up, hands together and smiling. "We will go now and do more meetings with the coordinators for the ball. Final run downs of the flow of the party, theme and set designs... how about you two?"

"I'll stay." Mingi answers immediately. "We have to talk about commission..."

"Commission?" Both of the ladies repeat

"He requested for me to paint a portrait of him..."

"Really?" Mrs. Song sound surprise

"Money will go to charity." I add

"That's good then!" Mrs. Song is happy to hear the word charity. "Looking forward for the painting... we can display it at the house when its done."

"Sure will." Mingi answers.

The moment everyone left the room and silence fills up the emptiness, Mingi chuckles as he sees how frozen I got onto my seat.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He says

"I know." I look down at my knotted fingers on my lap.

Yes. Mingi may look like he'd beat anyone up but he is gentle with me. Nice with me. I never once feel like he means any harm. Well except on our first meeting months ago. We argued yes but he is still sweet to me.

"Are you thinking about Yunho? On why he does not want to go to the ball?"

I look up at him and nod.

His snorts a laugh. "It's been awhile since you two got married. Don't you guys had any getting to know each other talks? Or its always sex when you two are together?"

My eyes twitching at his claims. (Though he is right)

"Anyways... don't care about your sex life with him." He walks back to the chair from earlier and puts off his cigarette on the ash tray.

"So?" I ask

"You should ask your husband about it...not me..."

"I did. He just said he's busy that day."

"That's lie. Every one's schedule of each families that are invited for that day, are all clear. It had been agreed on for years now. It has been a tradition for decades now. So... ask him again.

"Oh..." my back finally touches the foam of the chair I am sitting on.

Oh Yunho. Why is it so hard for him to talk to me? Be open with me? Did I not give him enough reason to trust me and to feel safe around me?

I had shared my life with him. The stories from my mother and the stories from me, He knows a lot about me more than anyone. My first crush, the first time I got my heart broken, the insight about my feelings about my parents and relatives. Even stories about my struggles with relationship with people. I showed him vulnerability. And yet, it is still one sided.

Yes he did tell stories about him too. His life when he was a kid, during his university days and his hobbies. But those are common knowledge (I think). All of that are also known by his family and friends. He never shared his own thoughts and feelings to me. He never let his guard down with me. It's always positive. Everything is okay and good.

Maybe for him, whatever we have, will remain a contract. Just a signed piece of paper for him no matter.

I think, I should just stop thinking about him. I should stop overthinking about us and whatever feelings I am slowling building for him. I will only get hurt at the end. I am just someone for him to have sex with when he's home.

I know, I know he did say he missed me too. Twice. But maybe he just says that because he miss sex. Not actually me.

"You're frowning..."

"Hmm?"

I glance up and see Mingi standing infront of me, leaning in as he lightly flicks me on the forehead.

"You're not listening to me..."

"What? Did you say something? Sorry... I was--" I stop. I could not tell him what I was thinking.

"Was what?"

"Nothing." I mumble before I get off my seat. "I'm just gonna go..."

"You're going? Just like that?" He says as I walk pass him. "You are in my house..."

"So...?"

"So?" He repeats, "Baby girl, didn't I made you feel good? Didn't you like my tongue in your pussy?" Here we go again. He is teasing me again. He always ask this whenever we meet.

I glare at him. "Stop." Hushing him as someone might hear him.

"Don't worry... everyone is gone. This is my house."

"What you mean gone?" I look around

"I don't have anyone here... I'm alone."

"That can't be."

"Oh yes... it can. My staff only comes here during the weekdays and they don't stay pass 6pm. I like my privacy."

"So you mean..."

"Yes." He slowly comes closer and closer. "It's a Saturday too... the staff you saw with my mother are hers. And they left with her already so..."

My back then hits a wall from whatever room we are in.

"We can do what was promised to me months ago and no one will know." He smirks as his body finally reaches mine.

"We can't..." I say quietly

"Why not?" He whispers, lowering his head and kissing me on the cheek. "I know you liked what we did last time..."

"I did." I can't lie about that.

"So what's holding you back?" His hand roams around my curves until it reaches the buttons of my blouse. "You like this right? You like it when I play around your nipples..."

He hasn't finished opening my blouse, he just slid in his fingers in so it could touch my laced covered tip. He's teasing me. He wants me to react.

"Stop..." I say

"You tell me to stop... but baby girl... if you could only see how aroused you look right now..." he grabs my face with both hands and tilt it up so I could look up at him. "I just touched you and your eyes are already dreaming for more..."

"We can't do this... It was a mistake..."

"It maybe a mistake for you baby girl. But for me..." he finally kisses me. His tongue invades my mouth until a moan carries my soul out of my body. "You are my heaven right now."

That's it. I am gone. I didn't even fight the urge. This officially makes me a whore.

Mingi carries me with while we kiss. He sits back down at the chair from earlier but now I am with him. No, actually, on top of him. I am riding him.

"Ugh!" He throws his head back, hands gripping on my hips. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

This is so wrong. Why don't I have a backbone to say no to Mingi? What the hell is wrong with me?

"Ahh!" I cry as I bounce faster and made him go deeper in me. "It's so good..." my voice is shaky

"You take me so well." He say breathing heavily. His brows creases and mouth in an O. "Fuck!"

After a few more strokes, both of us came together. I collapse onto him. I drained all my energy squating on him.

"That was amazing..." he says

I could hear his heart beating so fast as my head rests on his chest.

"Y/n..." he calls my name

"Hmm...?"

"If ever..."

"If ever what...?" I ask closing my eyes.

"If ever you decided to end thing with Yunho... I want you to know... that I'll be here waiting for you."

My eyes flings open, "What did you say?" I got up so fast

"I am willing to marry you... if you and Yunho don't work out."

"M-marry? What the fuck are you saying? Your dick is still inside me and you go on saying if I get divorce one day.. you will... marry me?"

"Yes." He answers it like its nothing yet he looks so darn serious.

"You think... he will divorce me?"

"No... he will not... which sucks. Because who will divorce someone like you...?" He caresses my cheek and smile. "I am just laying it out to you... the other option you have if it does happen... I am not wishing any harm into your marriage baby girl... well besides more sex with you I guess..." he smiles and then winks

"You are crazy." I roll my eyes at him

"I am. I know that." Then he grunts as he slowly moves his hips again. "Crazy as I am offering and willing to be your lover even just behind closed doors."

I could feel him get harder again in me. He's aroused again. I haven't recovered from the high yet and here he goes again. I'm still hugging his length.

"You're blushing reacting to my dick moving in you." He teases

"S-shut up." I moan the words out as my inside tenses up again with him rocking me on him.

"Baby girl..." he hugs me and breathe in my scent. "Ahhh..." he is moaning along with me.

Fuck what is this. We just had sex just a few minutes ago and now we are doing it again. I am not complaining though coz holy shit it was good. A different good. However this one, this second one... feels different.

"Y/n..." he says my name again. His hands around my body and his face resting on my chest. "Y/n..."

All of a sudden, the bad boy, aggressive and blunt Mingi becomes tame and yearning.

"Let me be your lover." He mumbles. "I don't think I can't move on from you after this...." he then trails kisses on my chest up to my neck. "I want to be with you... even just like this... to pleasure you..."

My body then reacts to his words. I know it did. I felt him clench onto me when I felt something in me dwells up a strong emotion.

"Fuck..." he breathes burrying his face on my neck. "Please... y/n...ahhh... please... Say yes... say yes to me. I-I need you..."

I am crying. This is my first time hearing someone say they want to be with me. I know he might be just saying it out of his sex high but hearing the words... and him getting vulnerable because of me.

What did I do to him to make him want me? We only saw each a few times after the first meeting. Most of it was us talking about the painting and him doing poses for me for inspirations. Yes it were more than a handful of lunch dates, still related to the painting and all but... he got feelings for me?

Is it because my brain is so messed up thinking about me and Yunho, our complicated relationship that I missed the part that Mingi and I got a connection? That we got to know each other more than I realized?

But this is wrong. I am married. Fuck, I'm so confused.

"Oh, Mingi..." I moan his name as he sensually bites my earlobe.

"Say yes....I beg you." He lifts me up and move us both to the sofa. He's now on top of me and finally sees the tears coming out of my eyes. "Don't cry..." he kisses my damp cheek. "I promise, I'll make you happy and safe..."

"But..."

"As I said... I don't give a fuck about your sex life with Yunho. I don't give a damn fuck about your marriage. I want you. I need you." He leans in to kiss me again. "And I think... I love you."

[the-bonfires-ember]

ive been thinking about that thing people say about mental illness. yknow, 'its not a part of your personality' 'dont make it your identity' etc

but when you have a personality disorder, that doesnt really make sense anymore.

which makes my feelings on cluster b pride flags a little conflicted. coz, sure, it is fundamentally a part of your personality and certainly shapes your identity, but something about pride flags has always been off to me. perhaps especially as a person with aspd.

now, sure, on the one hand i get it. theres something appealing about having that kind of validation that you arent alone, especially when you are constantly masking and shifting who you are to fit the situation best.

we might have antisocial personality disorder but we are still, at our core, social creatures. we still desire community, we're just also afraid of it.

so yeah, a banner of community and others 'like us' seems fair enough, right?

BUT

theres still something... off to me about it. what it was, exactly, only came to me after a discussion with my partner about DID and PluralKit - yeah i know, im diving into plural drama now, lfg i guess

they showed me an infographic about the process of DID recovery which showed the progression from very disconnected and separated identities to a more blended 'final fusion' (a term they take issue with but thats a different story). i said that PluralKit must be confusing for people on the later ends of the spectrum they were showing me because, at that point, how do you tell who is blending with who? when the lines are blurry, how do you know who to tag yourself as? it seemed like an inhibitor to recovery if you were constantly cutting yourselves off from each other. (this is not me saying anything one way or the other about plurals and recovery in DID or whatever the fuck else, im just using this as an example. stfu i dont care about your opinions on any of this so dont waste your breath)

i think my feelings on aspd flags is somewhat similar. coz i mean, they are pride flags, right? and i think if you are taking pride in being aspd then you are far more likely to lean into your symptoms, and i think thats a slippery slope to go down and has just a very 'anti-recovery' vibe, if you know what i mean.

with that all said, i also very much think that if you dont want to recover, you dont have to. i dont think you can force anyone to recover and i dont think you should even try to. recovery is fucking shit and its hard and if you arent ready for it, you are just going to hurt whoever you are trying to make recover.

but i also think that you can have that opinion, whilst also being a voice for recovery, and be against 'anti-recovery' thinking.

because look, like it or not aspd is a fucking disorder. and at some point that becomes unhelpful or it wouldnt be a disorder. symptoms of aspd are debilitating and pretending otherwise that helps nobody. especially with all the 'all pwASPD are evil' scum out there.

so yes, i think the pride flags are... unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. but what about the other stuff? the creatures alla tbh creature and the plushiedreadful rabbit? (i think both of those designs suck btw but thats not the point)

idk those feel like they are in a different category. theres not really a sense of pride in those, more a sense of comfort. again, community, but also a sort of softness(??) that the pride flag things seem to miss - especially when they are like 'vampire aspd' or 'evil aspd' or any of the other bullshit things ive seen out there. i guess they are also just way more 'mental illness' coded than pride flags are.

pride flags have always been a 'we're here and theres nothing wrong with us' kind of thing. but the creatures and the bears are more lighthearted and sort of making fun of the conditions a little bit. highlighting symptoms and coping mechanisms. just look at the imocreature - specifically the worm one which is my favourite - and the way its able to be so pathetic looking and cute. its not meant to be cool or badass or whatever else, its just a lil guy that gets sad without supply.

which, yknow, relatable.

[timeregistry]

omg dude i love ur sebastian!!!

and if u want, i’ll tag u when i post my painter design

i’d also like to hear more of ur ramblings about pressure or anything of the sort :3

have a good day!!!

TYSM!!! I'm glad people like him 🥹He's been my everything since I got into Pressure, let's just say that the AU of my fic had lived in my brain since forever before I started writing LOL

OH and also I would ADORE to see your Painter design PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏 I LOVE PAINTER SM I LOVE ALL PAINTER DESIGNS

ALSO sorry for answering this so late I got injured (again...) and it was hard to write but also I’m INSANE like IM CRAZY you literally put on a silver platter that I can talk about ANYTHING like DUDE. IM CRAZY. I jump around fandoms a lot so to say that I have a lot on my mind apart from work is an understatement (let's just say earlier I went crazy about regretevator...... it's bad)

SO to organize my thoughts, I've been really wanting to actually talk about like... some thought process stuff of my fic (A Human's Touch) and things that happen before the fic... since SO MUCH happened but I don't mention it because we are put at a specific moment in the story... VERY VERY Sebastian and reader focused so TW: Sebastian Solace 😔

Under cut because its LONG. LIKE. REALLY LONG. I HAVE TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT LMAOOOO

SO pressure's lore is a MESS don't get me started on how I feel about the current lore so I decided that since no one really saw the timeline or pretends it doesn't exist as they should, I feel it's a bit unlikely Sebastian would be able to convince Painter to start killing people after meeting it TWENTY MINUTES PRIOR T_T (and hacking all of Urbanshade network in that time?!) so that's why I actually made (in chapter 7 that is not on tumblr rn LOL) them meet. I mentioned in a comment on AO3 since someone had asked smth about Sebastian and just to give an idea, the start of A Human's Touch happens a couple of months before the events of Pressure. SO at that point, Sebastian and Painter have known each other for months. I would LOVE to go into detail how I see their relationship is when the lockdown happens + what happens with reader but I DONT WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING T_T so maybe when I finish the fic I'll go into detail as I'm not actually really planning on writing the actual like.... events of pressure w/ reader instead I guess, idk how to put it, just to let you in a little secret, Painter does know part of Sebastian's plan when the lockdown happens in this universe.

So enough about Pressure lore and what I changed from that, I wanted to talk a bit about before the events of the fic... I didn't write it since I felt it would be very Sebastian and reader centric and since it was most likely going to be in a platonic sense I wasn't sure if people would be interested! To admit something since I don't imagine many people will read this but originally I had written a fic that was with Sebastian (it was more romance with him tho as I was down HORRENDOUS I wrote so much Sebastian y’all have no idea I got jumpscared trying to find some of my old things to reference and seeing the sheer amount of Sebastian) which was actually where the original summary of A Human's Touch came from HELPPPP LIKE ORIGINALLY IT WAS A PARAGRAPH OF MY FIC I JUST EDITED IT T_T I never post what I write I'm surprised that I even posted A Human's Touch but I digress. Anyways I had originally considered writing a platonic version of that fic (not like that one was finished) but in the end I never did since again, I didn't think anyone would read it--

Either way, here is a TLDR of how reader and Sebastian met. Basically reader came in as an intern to Urbanshade right? How I imagined it was that they actually had seen Sebastian when he was still in his big ol heavy containment aquarium. While I think he still needs to go there when Urbanshade wants to contain him, I imagine reader met him when he was MOSTLY in there... While he could leave as his status as an MR-P made it so that now he could leave and free-roam, I imagined that he never really saw a reason to do so... I think atp Urbanshade hadn't really found a good reason for him either, as he was soo unpredictable because of how aggressive he was with them. SO they just leave him in his cell basically, its good to see if there were any longer terms effects of his… condition. He would normally just look into the window and look at any of the scientists.

Now how I imagined his heavy containment cell was that like, an aquarium. Like there is this big window where you can see him but I imagine that he had this like area at the surface of his cell that there is like a walking area but it was specifically because not only is he an MR-P so its like a little better than his old cell but also because he was exactly for an experiment that was to make humans be able to breathe over and underwater so I like to think they want him to take in oxygen naturally anyways–

MS Paint jumpscare but something like this

ANYWAYS I imagine reader had seen him from the window that you can peak in from just him swimming around and being completely fascinated by him. Stuff happens, and they decide to try to see him without their superiors knowing so... I decided I would pull directly from one of my old fics:

You first met Sebastian fully at night, when most scientists were already resting in their own quarters. You were already shown where you would stay, yet you couldn’t get the image of Sebastian out of your mind. You wanted to meet him directly. He was the first of the subjects that you met, against all safety protocols and you remember he himself mentioning it. He was rude and in all ways, a certified asshole, immediately tricking you by making you walk a bit too close and effectively making you fall in his tank. He didn’t keep you there however, you knew he didn’t like your presence but you couldn’t resist wanting to learn more about him.

How I imagine reader's and Sebastian's relationship was just, a really rocky start because we have reader who wanted to know more about him and then we have Sebastian who didn't want to know anything about reader because they are just another scientist. He never left his containment either because I imagine that the other prisoners would give him funny looks and dislike his presence because of how he was. I think... he was very bitter. It took a lot for him to warm up as he did… Especially with someone who was one of the scientists! 

“You really don’t know do you?” Sebastian snarled slightly, his casual facade crumbling briefly as his expression went more of pity. “Of course you don’t, you keep coming in here as if I can’t kill you right here and now.” You frowned at him. “I’m here to learn-” “You are trapped. They have you right where they want you. The moment that you have served your purpose they will kill you.” He put a claw near you, his other hand flaunting his sharp nails. You took a step back, sensing danger unconsciously. He noticed, his trained eyes on you like a predator. “Word of advice, start making yourself useful and leave me alone.”

I always saw that reader was treading on treacherous waters... always seeing Sebastian secretly at night and after talking with him, he would eventually warm up because whether he liked it or not, I think he was lonely. Because he would live without speaking with anyone and talking to someone who's a lot more genuine... I don't think the reader is like the other scientists at all, I don't think that it would even be known what Urbanshade was doing! I think Urbanshade just flaunts a lot and doesn't hide anything, but makes any new interns or hires go through the longest paperwork part of their work EVER to see if they are dedicated before kinda forcing the unethical experiments... basically like roping in with mundanity and beauty, the curiousity on how these beautiful sea creatures are made only to find out that it was all done with torture--

SO my point is that reader didn't know what happened to Sebastian, nor knew why he was so standoffish, they were forced to do ONLY paperwork and their free time went into seeing the subject that they can see very very easily. It was like... just the curiousity of what Sebastian was, what he was capable of, etc etc. I don't think reader even knew that he was... human. And he doesn't mention it either... I think he only mentions it soooo much later... As for Sebastian’s side of things, I imagine he decided to entertain the reader only because atp he’s thinking he can probably use their naivety for his escape!

ANYWAYS to skip ahead because I have JUST SEEN THE SHEER LENGTH OF THIS IM SOOOO SORRY I LOVE LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY CREATIONS IDK lore dump moment

So at one point, Urbanshade notices that reader is interacting with Sebastian, however, instead of like, stopping them, I imagine that Urbanshade instead saw an opportunity. Sebastian doesn’t talk to ANYONE so suddenly finding out that he’s talking to someone??? 

It was only much later that he actually warmed up to your presence, choosing to follow you around when you were stuck doing your boring paperwork. You were starting to regret applying here as they wanted to wait a really long time until you could actually do any hands-on work. However, Sebastian’s presence made the situation a lot more bearable, as he would sometimes read over your shoulder and mention things that you would outright forget to write down. Because of his seeming attachment to you, your higher-ups completely changed your temporary job of reading and copying down paperwork into instead… still do the same thing but also look over Sebastian’s behaviour. They would say how you were the only person that he got along with, which meant it was the opportune moment to find out more about him and fill his file even more as it was severely lacking apparently. And so started your Behavioural Scientist job with no hiccups whatsoever. Especially not after begging Urbanshade not to let you go after the internship ended, convincing them that you were the only person who managed to get even remotely close to Sebastian’s good graces. No issues at all... 

OH and at some point reader is given their own office and it’s because they had a normal desk like other people before but because Sebastian is.. big… he would push the desks all the time and he would apologize to the scientists but you can tell he wasn’t being genuine as the malice was obvious on him SCREAMING but after having TOO MANY complaints about Sebastian following reader around and reader insisting that they need him to follow because it’s their job, Urbanshade just gave them a temporal office (that became their permanent office for years to come)--

I think it’s there where Sebastian starts seeing reader as a “friend”, they never hurt him and quickly realise that reader was genuinely not evil like the scientists that experimented on him. While Urbanshade made reader the behavioural scientist, they started working with other subjects as well (as you guys know) and Sebastian started seeing reader in a much more positive light. 

Reader goes on vacation sometimes, brings a lot of trinkets and pictures of the outside world to Sebastian. I think he tries to keep a strong face when he gets some of those things, he misses the outside world. I like to think reader asked him once what was his favorite snack and he would mention something from Chile and reader would get it for him and that’s probably the first time that he does cry in front of them because of the whole emotion of having something that’s basically a comfort food after so long. It was like a taste of freedom. Something to look forward to and not give up to Urbanshade. And seeing as how reader didn’t look disappointed or in any negative emotion I think that’s when Sebastian just completely changed his perspective. The idea where now in his grand plan of escaping the Blacksite that he had been making the moment that Urbanshade stopped doing the extreme experiments and let him walk (slitter?) freely now would include reader. 

While he knows reader is there for the other subjects too, he also knows that they are mostly there for him counting as I imagine there is a lot of subjects that reader can’t understand (like the angler… or pandemonium…) and while Sebastian knows a lot of them thanks to working with reader so closely (him reading all these classified documents) that he weights if he would escape the Blacksite he would want to take reader with him. I think at first when they met he was like they might die but its a sacrifice for his escape (they are but another scientist), but now he’s like if they die I die (“I have failed.”).

BASICALLY I imagine their friendship that is very slowburn but in the end they become extremely loyal to each other, reader doesn’t know that they are part of his plan now. I mention it in A Human’s Touch but Sebastian has this hidden room where he keeps all these things and he probably has written (in a coded language) a whole plan of his escape + what he would do once he gets out of the Blacksite. At first it only included him but the longer he spent with reader the more he kept in mine their safety as they are the only friend he’s had for years and they are ATTACHED. 

Oh and a final note, Sebastian’s bracelets were given by reader, but i wanted to talk briefly on the obsidian one because I went with spirituality and symbolism as to why I took that material… obsidian bracelets mean protection, grounding and emotional healing… a lot of mental clearance and transforms negative energy to positive ones. I like to think that reader got it for him after learning more about him, because just as he wants them to be safe, they want him to be safe too. Their biggest fear is that Urbanshade would want to experiment harder again with him again and/or kill him. Sebastian shares the same fear.

OK I think I am... done... I'm so sorry AGAIN if something doesn't make sense... feel free to send an ask.... That goes for anyone ofc but yes... I'm crazy but if you got this far here's a quick doodle I did for your troubles dear reader

[daniclaytcn]

Your tags on that post are so me. Like I loved the weston call so much and it just. Amounted to nothing (for now caveat I guess but I dont have hope for much more lol). And even if it led into eddie’s 806 plot like it was supposed to it still wouldn’t have been great? And it would have been sooooooooo easy to, instead of zoom in on eddie’s face, have him pull out his phone and be like “hey chris. Miss you. Love you” in a text and then see chris like. Thumbs up it. Or in masks he could have been like “chris told me he isnt doing halloween” during the hen/chim convo and then they could have been like oh hes talking to you again? And eddie could have said sometimes I can get a text reply from him now. Like it did not even have to be a whole resolution of the eddie/chris plot if they preferred to drag it out for some reason still unknown to me. just some sort of movement in a direction where the audience knows where the plot is going to go and can feel hopeful about it would have been much better writing. Because honestly I think that is part of the general issue with the eddie plot right now, everyone is (fairly) annoyed and/or freaking out because going into the 8th episode of the season we have no idea if/how/when the eddie chris stuff will be addressed and quite frankly we have had two (2) scenes addressing it directly beyond the surface level in the whole season: bday party scene and confessional scene and at this point it is not enough for us as fans but also its not even enough to keep non-fandom fans engaged and anticipating eddie and chris’s reunion imo

^^^ yeah, pretty much everything you said! even if having chris on-screen is an issue right now because gavin isn't available (though, as always, i firmly maintain that they had no business doing a storyline like this in the first place if gavin's availability was in question to begin with — as it clearly was in s7, with how little he was on-screen even then), there are still a million ways to handle it better and indicate to the audience that it's at least progressing! it would still be sloppy and would suffer from being the result of an incredibly stupid storyline to begin with; but it would be better than us being six months into chris being gone with him barely talking to eddie even now, if the show is any indication on that front! frankly it's making me wonder if the writers have no clue how to actually resolve this, so they're just tossing it to the side and kinda ignoring it for all intents and purposes. which. idk what to even say about that. it just makes me so mad.

[dyslexic-asexual]

Favorite things about my mutuals but anonymized for like safety, see if you can guess which one is you? In NO PARTICULAR ORDER its long so cut:

1- one of you I swear is me from a parallel dimension, like our blogs have very similar vibes and sometimes youll say something and I go "wait did I post that??"

2- I can message you about Literally Anything at Literally Any Time and its cool, also Im quite a chill person anyway but you still never cross the line despite both of us being unhinged /pos. Very creative and inspiring

3- very generous? Idk how to explain it, but Im pretty sure you followed me first despite you being an Amazing and Cool artist, and I just couldnt help but follow back youre so nice. Always supporting other blogs too

4- you can definitely guess who you are from how we met, I literally did not know a thing about you having just followed you 2 (two) seconds ago (for your awesome art btw), and I messaged you for advice/help and you still responded, super nicely and genuinely. And THEN continued to be a really cool person that I somehow built a relationship with off of perhaps the most unhinged starting point I have ever given someone

5- the most radical person I know both literally and 80s-wise. Youre so passionate about your interests I cant help but be interested in them too, also super creative and supportive and easy to talk to

6- ANOTHER AMAZING ARTIST and I credit you with teaching me more about/getting me more into subcultures. Again your passion for your interests is contagious and your care for others is obvious within just moments of meeting you. EXCELLENT MUSIC TASTE

7- one of my first followers I believe, you dont post much but when you do youre really funny and you always make sure to come around and support my posts too

8- another earlier supporter and also very funny, but like super creative too. Your humor comes from seeing little bits of joy and mirth in everything and being genuinely and openly yourself. Even your sorting tags are funny, love it when a post comes across my dash

9- YET another amazing artist, and very supportive. You walk the talk and always reblog important posts, as well as sticking around for my bullshit /lh

10- you are correct about fandoms and not afraid to say it. I genuinely see fandoms Im not even a part of in a different and more flattering light now bc of your posts, also youre super cool, like if I saw you on the street I would go ":o" and your art makes me go ":O!"

11- a more recent follow but super easy to get to know! Im glad I reached out! Really good at makeup and also at tagging

If it wasnt obvious ily guys thanks for being here <3<3<3

[ohh-fiddlesticks]

pinned post thingo… pt 3 !

hiii my name is 💥 micah 💥 and this is my selfship sideblog! i use he/him and im a certified transsexual 🔥 aroace and gay as well. its a complex and wondrous thing yk how it is ‼�� i’m also australian 🎉

i tend to see my selfships as more on the fictional side; i like to explore the relationships like any other relationship in fiction, meaning that it wont always be the healthiest, so… keep that in mind i guess 👍

i dont like to associate this blog too closely with my main but if you get notifs from a blog with a url starting with d and a rainbow pfp of castiel, thats almost definitely me! if u wanna know the exact url feel free to ask and i’ll let you know 👍

you can also check out my strawpage for some general info about me and an f/o list, etc. :^)

i draw sometimes ‼️ i tag all my art with “#my art”

my main f/os are dave s.trider & c.handler bing but ive also got a couple more in the bag!

proship and closely associated please kindly don’t follow 🙏 strictly nsfw or 18+ blogs preferably dni too closely also . generally tho i’ll just block people i don’t want interacting

i think bi gays and bi lesbians are awesome and if you put them in your dni i will probably not want to talk to you sorry

f/o list, sharing boundaries, etc. below the cut!

for romantic f/os, my general policy is that i’m not particularly comfortable with sharing and while you’re free to follow or interact if we share f/os, keep in mind i’m less likely to follow back— this ofc does not apply if i follow first. platonic, familial, etc. f/os im totally fine with sharing, in fact i think thats awesome

also! i have no tagging system— that being said, if you want me to tag a certain ship for filtering purposes or similar, i’d be happy to do so!

characters i talk about in a romantic manner (some are f/os, some not, it’s complicated):

dave strider (homestuck) — f/o. thats my boyf riend . basically my first proper f/o i heart him lots 💗

chandler bing (friends) — f/o. thats also my boyf riend. my beloved sarcastic repressed boring yet not boring guy. this may come as a surprise but i also love him lots

hitch (ruby redfort) — f/o. i dont talk about him as much but i do love him. middle aged secret agent who’s afraid of crocodiles and is secretly silly :-)

prismo (adventure time) — f/o. also dont talk about him as much but i love him i prommy. idc that he’s 2D i will find a way to give him a kiss 🫡

jonny goodman (friday night dinner) — fictional crush or something i dont even know. i was briefly obsessed with him during my fnd interest period and i still hold him dearly and sometimes rewatch some fnd episodes and think of him

bernard black (black books) — i truly dont know tbh i just love black books and am a little obsessed with him. manny & fran too but i dont have gay little crushes on them so

jeremy usbourne (peep show) — practically an f/o atp but im in denial. side effect of my recent peep show obsession was developing a secondary obsession with this freak

rick (the young ones) — i maybeee have a teensy tiny crush on him. but i’ve not seen enough of the young ones yet to decide if i wanna ship with him or anything yet

characters i have some sort of weird little qpr situation with

foxy (fnaf) — idk how to explain it he was one of the first characters i started selfshipping with in some variety and i like him :-)

the nice cream guy (deltarune) — he’s a developed character 2 meeee. we’re gayass boy best friends

red guy (dhmis) — who knows but it’s not a normal friendship folks

characters that are my friendssss my familyyy etc. you get the idea

toriel & asgore dreemurr (deltarune) — my parents:)

kris & asriel dreemurr (deltarune) — my siblings:)

basically the entire rest of the main characters from the other medias ive already mentioned — my friends:)

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!! THANK YOU FOR READING :^)

[acaciapines]

hey! for the fic ask game: 3, 5 (for the wolf 359 daemon au), 8, 38 and 42?

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

somebody being a least a little bit nonhuman <3 but more broadly i really like writing about human/animal dynamics, both in the nonhuman sense obviously, but also even in my daemon aus--what do humans say about animals? how much is true and how much is just something humans have put onto the animal, rather than what the animal is?

i also think i write a lot about grief, and the ways grief and trauma both can manifest in ways seen as 'unpalatable.' how youre supposed to survive these sorts of things, and how a lot of times the answer is that maybe things dont get better, but they do get different. ie i have a lot of bittersweet endings and i dont think that'll ever change.

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now!

oooh ive always hoped somebody would ask what the hell doug-nix and miranda-alphaeus would get up to after the epilogues, 'cause this never got in there (i dont think at least), but i've always had it in mind that they move out eventually! get a place of their own, which would leave minkowski, hera, jacobi, and sometimes lovelace whenever she stops by living together.

i just feel like. miranda and doug are outsiders to that crew, yeah? neither of them remember the people they once were, so. might as well try making something new and better together.

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

this one is particularly topical 'cause a song is actually the inspiration for the current fic i'm writing! grand canyon by the wind and the wave. literally such a frisk and chara song, ALSO a really good roadtrip song, so ive meshed those together and now im working on a post-pacifist chara&frisk centric roadtrip fic! coming out....idk. may probably.

i also think twelve feet deep by the front bottoms could make a real fun onesided dessriel fic. something about 'i get left out of every plan they make / that is what i have to do / to be the only kid from highschool who is still in love with you' REALLY gets to me.

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

i think the one that surprised me the most was garden of earthly delights, which was my madoka magica daemon au. seeing as its been Forever since anything madoka has come out (plus daemon aus are Not popular anymore lol), i didnt know there was still an active fandom there, but there WAS, and all my commenters were amazing and lovely and it was so fun seeing everyone trying to uncover the mystery in real time!!! if i had to guess WHY it got popular, i think i'd guess it was the aspect of mystery...something to keep people coming back and commenting!

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

the comments that always stick with me the most are the people who come to tell me that it was my fics (usually either i know im not well or alterhuman) that either helped them feel SEEN as otherkin/therian, or helped them discover that this was a thing they even could be. i think thats been one of the most rewarding things about sharing those stories. theres not a whole lot out there in the ao3 otherkin tag, yknow? and it makes me so happy to know i've been able to help people.

[altruistic-meme]

tell me about the wip selfish. idk if I'm not in the fandom I wanna know everything

(you tagged a fucked up post with it so now I'm so so curious)

hehe HIII Kate 🥰

yeah it's a bungo stray dogs fic but I can and will still tell you about it :)

its. hm. best way to explain it....

i guess it's a canon divergence AU where Dazai makes a deal with Mori before he meets Chuuya, where if Dazai can find someone that Mori is more interested in him, then he'll take them on as his second and leave Dazai under Kouyou's command instead. and then Dazai finds Chuuya and drags him to Mori's attention, before eventually realizing "hey wait, no, actually Chuuya makes me feel things I've never felt before, I dont want him to suffer under Mori, he'll ruin his humanity" except it's too late by that point. so when Chuuya and Dazai properly join the Port Mafia, their positions are switched from canon with Chuuya working under Mori and Dazai working under Kouyou.

the fucked up part of it being Mori's treatment of Chuuya, largely, from SA to experimenting on him, and then also Chuuya and Dazai's relationship being all sorts of toxic and fucked up as well, bc Dazai has guilt for putting Chuuya in that position and Chuuya knows it's Dazai's fault. but Chuuya also refuses to switch them back bc he wants to protect Dazai from Mori since he knows what it's like. and Dazai wants to get close to Chuuya to help him out of guilt but doesn't know how to do that in a healthy way, and Chuuya wants to keep Dazai away from him for protection and will do anything he can to make that happen.

and then looking at their future where Dazai is in a better place bc he left the mafia, but he left Chuuya without even the meager support he had been providing before, which puts Chuuya in a worse position than he had been in. and trying to explore Dazai wanting again to help Chuuya and Chuuya again wanting to just protect Dazai. and figuring out how to get Chuuya out of the Mafia, and then the aftermath of that + his trauma and history.

and its name coming from the selfishness Dazai portrays throughout the whole story. from his original deal with Mori, to let someone else suffer in his place. to him trying to get close to Chuuya out of the guilt of putting him in that position in the first place. and then 4 years later, him doing everything to "save" Chuuya to ease his own conscious for having left him behind, without ever stopping to actually ask Chuuya if that WOULD help him at this point. or even WHAT could help him.

and. yeah. it will easily be the darkest thing I've ever written when I do finally start writing it. and that's also kind of the point of it. to explore a darker version of Chuuya, and more toxic version of skk, and a version of Dazai that isn't AS heavily influenced by Mori.

[chocolatespyro]

Me learning to not give people the benefit of the doubt when they've been given the benefit of the doubt about 50 times already

(III 15 edition. Spoilers under the cut if you still haven't seen it somehow.)

EDIT: Took out the part about them not mentioning her disability since Bot does say that they wouldn't want Cabby to forget iirc, also about them not thinking kids would understand disability since I wasn't happy with those points and I feel they were inaccurate or somewhat off-topic. That's pretty much it though.

The more I think abt it the more I can see how the Bot apology sucks lmaoooo

Dunno if this was a point made on Twitter (I've heard there's been discontent there? I dont have Twitter tho but I'd LOVE to hear more from other Cabby fans abt what's going on there. u can leave comments on this post if u want or u can just rb and do it thru tags.)

Anyways, to my main points: Bot just says they're sorry for... forcing Cabby to get permission to use her files?

What about them lying to Cabby? I don't believe they ever really apologized for that. OR TOLD HER THAT THEY LIED??

Bot also doesn't really apologize for the other main points people were upset for I think?

I don't think bot ever really takes full accountability for judging Cabby either. No one does really. Like... at least an

"I'm sorry. I really screwed up, and so did a lot of the other contestants. We were too harsh and judgmental towards you for no reason, and our insecurities shouldn't have gotten in the way of you being able to remember. This was supposed to be a fun and welcoming environment and vacation... but it became a nightmare for you instead. I know this won't make up for all the damage done, but I hope this file is useful to you."

(maybe reworded some to fit Bot's personality better, but the apology shouldn't have just been this quick one-off moment taken to the side like in canon.)

To kinda add to the above, I also think it would've been nice if Bot fully noticed and acknowledged HOW other people haven't been treating Cabby very kindly too by giving examples of where nobody stood up for her. Lifering was a great supportive person in the episode, but Bot was there for some of the shit that was pulled against Cabby, ESPECIALLY in episode 7. I so wish that that was acknowledged here. And the fact that Test Tube went directly behind Cabby's back to do that. Where does Bot think Test Tube got those files from?

There's also the fact that Test Tube never approaches to apologize for judging Cabby for no reason. Like she just stares at Cabby and Bot hugging for a few seconds after Bot apologizes that's it. And she... doesn't accuse Cabby. That's the barest fucking minimum she could've done.

Also... the "inaccurate depictions" thing wasn't even true outside of Baseball's file... and that was a bunch of contrived bs. Like Suitcase literally had this whole thing where she stood up to Nickel and I guess... Cabby glossed over that somehow??? I can't suspend my disbelief this much sorry all. Idk where the "Manipulated by Balloon" shit came from. Correct me if I'm wrong bcus I haven't seen season 2.

The only reason why it was inaccurate with Bot is because Cabby thought Bot was Bow, something Cabby IMMEDIATELY corrected herself on. Bot coulda just... reminded Cabby that it wasn't her fault because she didn't know Bot and Bow were two different objects and told Cabby to just... start a new file like others said??? So that shit didn't make sense.

The apology just... kinda feels shallow. Cabby didn't do anything wrong here. She's beaten herself up over this shit. It just hurts to watch.

Bot only really apologized for a single thing and we don't get any acknowledgement towards the lying or the mistreatment or Cabby destroying Bow's file as some sort of garbage symbolism attempt.

Bot's apology was kinda supposed to tie everything together and top everything off nicely in a better and at least slightly more satisfying way than whatever the fuck 14 did, but it just... doesn't. It barely acknowledges the issues. They don't really show how seriously they screwed up with Cabby.

I wanna believe that AE has the best intentions here, but they're on very thin ice in my eyes. If they screw up any next steps with Cabby and/or never address Cabby's issues with Test Tube ever again, I think I'm done having any kind of faith in AE. Even Cabby winning wouldn't save it.

Yeah sorry this got really depressing, this situation is just sad

[junk-culture]

5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. 5️⃣❗

now wtf is the 5 times table doing in my inbox... ! teehee... this is a lot of questions and my answers are lengthy so under the readmore they go:

5. Favourite band: HMMM this shouldnt be a difficult question but i feel like im always indecisive/struggle to identify an Absolute Favourite Above All Others...... i think i have to say depeche mode because i like them enough to have paid £[redacted] to go see them...they are definitely one of my big faves anyway........ i will add bastille as an honorary favourite simply because they are the band i have liked for the longest... i started listening to them as a miserable 14/15 year old so you know. that kind of band is eternal and forever even if i don't quite like all of their latest stuff/don't listen to them absolutely all the time etc. actually the jam are maybe tied with bastille for that sort of formative band so let's say them too. sorry i can literally never give one single answer LOL 10. Favourite model: uhm unfortunately i dont really have one im not really into following fashion or models....idk....but recently i started watching the x-men movies (cringe) and i kind of got the hots for halle berry a bit so ill say her. ik shes an actor but she started off as a model so it counts. honorable mention also to the sony d-e350 in gold . a very very sexy model (of cd player) :

15. Lucky Number: It seems there's a typo in the questions post because they've put 14 twice instead of 15....I don't really have a lucky number although I sometimes see people with aesthetic blogs posting about angel numbers or whatever and im like i could get into that........ i guess any number can be lucky if it appears in a certain moment or is recurring... since 14 appears twice in the question post ill say 14. and its a pretty good number anyway

20. 5 things you love: ONLY FIVE? BUT I LOVE SO MANY THINGS ABOUT OUR BEAUTIFUL WORLD...! well to name a few: 1. mai friends (physical and virtual) ^_^ 2. BRIGHT GREEN GRASS IN THE SUNLIGHT 3. art. drawing. its my essential activity i have to do it its awesome plus so important in the world for everyone 4. when you're travelling home on the train from a pleasant day out somewhere and it's really sunny and you have a window seat and the music you are listening to is just right for that moment and its just so the beautiful world. you know? 5. shagging ur mum LOL !

25. Favourite blogs: UMM im sorry im kind of too lazy right now to like tag people plus i feel a bit shy doing that anyway but basically all of my mutuals etc...... <3 and the smug jug blog also 30. Someone you miss: hm...i don't know if there's any one person i Strongly miss but there are a few i vaguely to moderately miss. idk. such as: - my mother occasionally - not my irl best friend as such because shes still here lol but moreso i miss hanging out regularly like we did when we were teenagers? like now we're both adults and in different cities and she works full time and im either working or studying and she has a boyfriend anyway its like we dont hang out that often... many such cases obviously but i miss the time of seeing each other every single day at college and walking home together...and especially because id love to do that all over again Now when im like. a lot happier/more functional/more "normal" than i was when i was 16/17 lol. but its the way of the world what can we do - i guess i sort of miss an internet friend who disappeared .... it wasn't exactly unexpected because we always were aware of the possibility and i know its simply how such things go but i wonder how they're doing sometimes...plus we exchanged physical mail and gifts so now its like i just have these objects in my home that are from a person who i no longer talk to lol....

THANK YOU FOR ASKING, THE FIVEPILLED FIVEMAXXER!!!!! :)

[pensiveabstraction]

15 questions 15 mutuals

ty @dont-leafmealone and @elfinfair for the tags

were you named after anyone? for my deadname one of my middle names was the same middle name as my mum, my new first name and first middle name are indirectly and directly taken from the names of characters i like

when was the last time you cried? i think it was, i finally watched into the spiderverse for the first time like two months ago seeing all the hype abt the sequel, and when the big sad emotional climax moment happened, the one during the big fight, i was crying, not silent leaking eyes maybe sniffling a bit, like full on open mouthed sobbing. shit just hit me rly hard, that movie's so good

do you have kids? nah

do you use sarcasm a lot? i think so yeah. unfortunately i am also extremely monotone so i frequently have to be like 'no i was kidding' bc out lout my normal voice and sarcasm voice must sound a lot closer together than in my head

what's the first thing you notice about people? idk i guess i notice if their clothes style and whether face looks like someone i know/know of

what's your eye color? greenish-grey last time i checked

scary movies or happy endings? both. depends what mood im in tbh. if im watching a movie i dont usually have a huuuge preference of genre, i tend to prefer stories w somewhat developed characters who have arcs so u'd think that'd make me averse to scary films where the characters r sometimes neglected/used as a blank slate to experience The Horror through the eyes of but i ALSO rly like well built up tension and just,,, interesting creepy vibes. i usually try to stay open minded w watchin stuff. however there are times when i feel down and just wanna watch some dudes fuck around and have everything come up alright in the end

any special talents? hmm. man idk. im pretty good at making minecraft skins does that count lol.

where were you born? england and i shall say no more

what are your hobbies? writing, reading fics (do not look how many bookmarks i have on ao3 why would you need to), drawing's fun. used to watch twitch a bunch but the main streamer id watch aint comin back so w for my sleep schedule ig

have any pets? yes a dog he is an old man he looks sort of like a skeletal dark souls creature (not through maltreatment he eats like a king his breed r just skinny asses lol)

what sports do you play/have you played? netball, softball, cricket, bit of tag rugby, loads of rounders, street hockey was my fav out fo em i was pretty ok at defending (all of these r from when i was still in p.e. classes in high school idk if that counts but its what i got)

how tall are you? last i checked 165cm (like 5,5 in the other measures i think)

favorite subject in school? hmm. probably either art or english. though i only rly got an appreciation for english when i did this additional gifted kid project thingy and rather than just literally tell us an interpretation of a text to memorise for an exam the teachers gave us a bunch of analytical lenses to choose from to analyse a text and i was like "yo wait interpreting meanings from the text is kinda fun when you havent got bitches in your ear telling you 'ok so this is exactly what the author meant and you just need to memorise that and write it in the test'"

dream job? i honestly have no idea. i wouldve said author once but i enjoy doing it for fun, i dont think id be able to make smth publishable and if i somehow did i feel like itd ruin it. if i had some kind of like repetetive but simple task and i just had to do it over and over, maybe listen to music or a podcast or smth in one ear i feel like so long as i earnt a decent amount id be cool with it. i am a simple little guy my dreams amount to 'eh id like to do some cool stuff :]'

i dont think i have 15 mutuals so ill just tag a bunch @jctko @thinkingjasico @captainchibi @zodismegalame @aroacekitty @glummar @ablueeyedarcher @erisenyo