#of course he did a lot of stuff i hated too. whatever. i have self worth issues yada yada

[sophiagrimes]

ranting abt my Life and Thiughts.. tw for taylor swift mention in the tags

guys. im a human 22 year old. i miss my ex boyfriend a little bit lately. even though he never committed to it, the way that he liked me is exactly how i wanted to be liked. he blurted out when he thought i looked hot or pretty. he brought me redbull slushies from sonic without me asking. he would laugh at my joke before telling me it wasnt that funny. he said i glowed. if given the choice between something easy with people who sucked or a job that sucked with me, he was with me. super touchy. and part of me is like “why did he randomly appear in my dream and now im missing him. did he dream of me/is he thinking of me/missing me” but when i try to say “get a grip you know thats not true” that makes me sad.. its probably just my period. just cus he was my first boyfriend. cus its almost camp season. cus my crush doesnt like me back. whatever. it just sucks.

[theminecraftbee]

task: answer the following question. do you believe in curses? respond as completely with relevant information as possible.

Grian: Well, that's a lie. This isn't a task. I know it's not a task, I set the things up! Not sure why we're getting a question as pointless as this one, but sure, mysterious scroll, I'll answer. There's no such thing as curses, unless you're Timmy, in which case it's funny, yeah? Besides, I didn't actually kill Etho. Even if that did count, self-fulfilling prophecies aren't the same thing as curses, and I know which one I fall under.

Joel: Do I believe in bloody curses what kind of question is that? Do I really get hearts just for answering this? This feels like a prank or something... well, whatever. There are no such thing as curses, except the Boogeyman curse, which I sort of had today, but it wasn't actually the same at all. A lot of the bloodlust, sure, but a lot more... Etho had to be the one to do it, huh? And it's not the same. Not comforting. That's a stupid thing to say actually. Take it out of wherever you're putting this. Cut it out of the recording. Comforting. Please. As if it were ever... Yeah, I'm done actually. Don't have a good answer. Go away.

Scott: What, other than Jimmy? Bless that man, he may not have died first, but he sure tried his best. Sure, I'll believe Jimmy is cursed. I mean, mostly he's just kind of stupid. Lovingly so. I mean, despite him being stupid, I put up with him, right? That seems like a complete answer to this question. Jimmy's an omen but we put up with him anyway. That's all.

Mumbo: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Pearl: Oh, I mean, I'm probably cursed. That's what everyone liked to say at one point. I think... I mean, I think this time I have good friends, which is nice. They don't think I'm cursed. And it's not like I--I mean, it's surprisingly fun, acting cursed! And I am just acting. Acting scary, blowing up dance floors, all of that. And I don't really have to this time, so... Maybe I'm not cursed? And since it's acting, it's not real? This is a weird question.

Etho: Oh, man, that's a question. Um, do I have to answer? Because I feel like if I say no, that's really just asking for it, but if I say yes, I have to explain myself. Uh, I think I'm abstaining, unless the zombie thing from earlier counts. That was scary and I hated it. Curses are scary and I hate them in general, but apparently I'm good at them, if you ask everyone else. Um, it's not the only thing I find scary that apparently I'm good at.

Scar: Why, of course I believe in curses! Look at poor, poor... Timbert? Timmy? Jim? Gosh, sorry, I'm very tired right now. That's more proof of curses, by the way! That I'm tired. I've been tired straight since the desert, let me tell you what. And that, my friends, is a curse like no other. What a terrible beast, loneliness is. Wish me luck breaking it, because it's not happening this season!

Cleo: Oh, you mean the thing people like to blame instead of their own actions? Nah. My soulbond was kind of a curse, I guess, but even that's at least half just... bad people. Bad relationships. Good ones, too. We're all just doing what you can, you know? No script, no curses, no characters, just... Oh, I hope everything turns out tomorrow. Sorry, that's unrelated. It's just nicer to hope than to preemptively blame things on curses that don't exist.

Impulse: Well, I mean, I didn't until you just asked me that, but now I feel like I should. Wouldn't that be nice? Being cursed instead of just sort of unlovable? Sorry, no, that's mean to Gem. I shouldn't say that about Gem, she's been good this season. Super, super cursed, mind you, in the like, game mechanic sense? But she's been good, no backstabbing or inability to get love involved. Um, and I guess that's not fair to Bdubs, kind of, except it also totally is and I haven't forgiven him. So I guess if they ask I said I believed in curses, and that's why my life keeps circling clocks? Don't put any of that other stuff down, I'm trying to work on that.

Lizzie: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Gem: I was just cursed for a task, but that probably isn't what you're asking about, right? I'm new, so I don't know! A task is a concrete thing to believe in, like bloodshed or victory or fun and games. You don't have to believe in those to know they're real, either! They just are, whether you like it or not. I understand that much!

Tango: Gah, don't talk to me about... Deep breaths. Look, I don't care if it's a curse, or if it's just me being really bad, or what, I'm not going out pointlessly this time. Jimmy managed not to die first, I can manage to not go out to a stray arrow or my own bomb or a misstep this time, right? Is that so much to ask?

Skizz: Huh? Curses? I mean, I don't think so, and to be totally honest I think it's kind of mean the way people sometimes rag on people about them. Everyone's got so many good things about them! Why do people like to focus on the unfortunate luck, huh?

Bdubs: Hah! Curses! Let me tell you about curses. When I see curses, I eat them for breakfast. I don't got curses, I've got better things to do! I've got my buddies with the Mounders, and I've got-well, I'd say keeping Etho safe, but he's being weird at me again this season. Not that it matters. It never matters. Etho and I, we're... The point is, that doesn't matter anyway, because I have the Mounders, and they're the ones who matter here. And because I'm a strong, independent Bdubs, who doesn't need anyone but my bow and my perfect, flawless fighting prowess! Sorry, what was the question? I've been thinking so much lately that it's just sort of made everything else pop out of my head, so it's hard to keep track. I'm sure I answered it flawlessly, though.

Martyn: Of course there are curses. That's half the fun for you lot, isn't it? Putting your little curses on us and watching us rail against them. Bet you think it's real cute to ask us what we think of the things, too. "Oh, what do you think of curses," like we have any control over them. Please. If I had any control over curses, Jimmy--or, well, no, I guess that one was technically broken, wasn't it? Sure doesn't feel like it. Point is, curses are bad, and they're definitely real, and I hate you for them, got it?

BigB: Look, man, if you're trying to get me to write my character out for you, just say so! I won't tell anyone. We can come up with a hole thing about holes and red tasks and the Backrooms together! It'll be fun! After all, you probably don't know what kind of curse to say I have, right? Haha, just kidding. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Luckily, neither does anyone else, so I think that evens out between the lot of us.

Jimmy: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

[sizzleissues]

Its May.

Okay so this is in the same AU I had last year its just changed and evolved while also being the exact same. Except now I have 15,000 words of it written, like 7,000 words of planning and lore and hours upon hours of research that I will be pointedly ignoring. Will be posting more stuff this month about the AU and my hopes and dreams for it

Also slight art improvement check? I’ll put their original mermaid designs below the cut.

It’s Marinette as a mermaid and … its not Adrien or Chat Noir but a third worse thing (Catwalker but in the purest manifestation of it being a curse and not who he wants to be) I will be making designs for mer!Ladybug, and mer!Adrien as its own thing later on.

Okay if you want to indulge me look below the cut

Old mermaid designs first. I am going to be talking about my design thoughts, thoughts and ramblings about this AU and what I’ve been up to. You have been warned

As you can see, some things have changed but neither design I hated, I just wanted to go further with it.

My brain is quite specific about mermaids and how I want them to generally look. I wanted to distinguish biological merfolk from transformed humans by having them being anatomically different. So Adrien has a vertical tail instead which is also way faster underwater. His transformation is quite distressing for him and very chaotic. Of course when he accepts it he’s not so raggedy.

Marinette similarly avoids her life as a mermaid by becoming human and I wanted her mermaid design to hint toward her fascination with humans. She wears a top she fashioned from human fabric she found in a sunken merchant vessel. In general all other merfolk either forgo clothes or wear things fashioned from materials available to them. There’s deep fear of humans and human things so even though human clothes are available to them (off dead bodies but…. Whatever) they choose to difference themselves as much as possible. The same taboos don’t exist for them and their bodies are already adapted from the temperature of their environment. Adrien has stray bits of netting and seaweed on him because he’s not exactly the best at controlling his speed and often crash’s through fishing nets and patches of seaweed resulting in stuff being caught on him.

A lot of their designs are still being worked but I’ve definitely pushed them the right direction!

On to the AU. You might have seem me cryptically talk about something I’m writing the past few weeks. This is because it’s been in my brain since last May and been on and off writing it since then. I decided I’d talk about it once May came back around but and then when I finished writing it, start posting sneak peaks and more spoilery art until it was fully edited and I felt confident in it to post with an aim for it to finish posting once May rolled around again. Oh god.

It’s set in the late 1700s in a fictional version of France that’s actually fragmented over a bunch of islands. I have done more fashion research than I ever thought I’d do and in the end we will still be taking creative license but know I do know what they actually wore! I ALSO did a butt tonne of research about sailing ships and turns out they are super complicated and now I know too much and yet too little still about them. It should be super fun and action packed if I can manage. Have some really good scenes already in my head I know you’ll love. We’re already three ships battle deep and I’ve only written four chapters. (It chills out for a bit after that)

This is entirely self-indulgent by the way. I’m writing this for me, you guys are just a bonus. I literally don’t care as long as it satiates my rabid need for the fic that only lives in my brain at the moment. Saying that, I do want to put my best foot forward.

The next thing I will be posting for this is their human forms and more blabblerings about that. For I am insane and all.

[asterias-record-shop]

hi friend!

i was wondering if you could please write a fic where ethan finds the reader’s diary and finds out all the stuff they’ve been thinking about? smut if you feel comfortable or inspired for it, thank u! (no particular kinks at all, whatever suits you or you feel comfortable writing)

i really appreciate ur work so much, the past two things i’ve requested have been wonderfully done 🖤 thank u!

—𓆩[dear diary]𓆪—

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪 𓆩[join the taglist!]𓆪

𓆩♡𓆪 CHARACTER - Brother’s Best Friend! Enemy! Ethan Landry x Fem! Reader

𓆩♡𓆪 TYPE - smut, maybe slight angst?

𓆩♡𓆪 WORD COUNT - 2.5K

𓆩♡𓆪 SUMMARY - Ethan and your brother had been best friends since before they could walk. You and Ethan hated each other before you were even born. You hated him, everything about him from his stupid hot face to his stupid hot body to every single fucking part of him that was fucking stupidly hot, and you expressed this in your diary. And of course, that stupidly hot fucking idiot read your diary.

𓆩♡𓆪 STORY WARNINGS - NON-GHOSTFACE AU || older Ethan || age difference (like almost 2 years, Ethan is 20 you’re late 19) || again, brother’s best friend || you write in a diary || lots of sexual tension || Ethan’s popular with your brother || playful banter || sexual fantasies || I named your brother || both consenting parties || behind your brother’s back || cursing and foul language || multiple orgasms || multiple positions || choking || cumming inside || sex while on the phone || degradation & praise || self degradation || mentions of pregnancy || 

Ethan coming over always made you pissed off. Him and your brother Jacob were always loud and never shut up, they always did something stupid because your parents were never here at the beginning, and Ethan never stopped bothering you when your brother wasn’t in the vicinity.

Which was exactly what was happening right now as you stood in the kitchen, spooning food into your mouth.

What you wore was not bad to be wearing in your own goddamn house, but it might as well have been Ethan’s house too with how much he was over here because of family problems. Just some normal gray sweats and a shirt that truly fit the question you always asked Ethan, “Who the hell invited you?” with no bra underneath.

You damn well weren’t going to let Ethan take you out of your comfort clothes.

They were loud as they came in, laughing and talking as you rolled your eyes. Of course your peace was now ruined.

“Oh, hey Y/N!” Your brother smiled at you, walking over and pressing a quick kiss to your temple as you finished your food. “Had a good day?”

“I was,” you respond, glaring at Ethan who sends you a grin as he leaned against the kitchen counter. “Thought you guys weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.”

“Wanted to surprise mom,” he said as he reached up to grab some snacks from the upper shelf, yelling as he walked to the living room. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”

“It’s an off day,” you say, voice pinched and full of annoyance as Ethan tilted his head. “What?”

“Your tits look nice.”

You threw your spoon at him, rolling your eyes as you put your bowl into the sink that was sadly right next to him. Turning on the water, you could feel him staring at you as you rinsed off the bowl and put out your other hand. “I need to wash it.”

He hummed, taking the spoon that still has remnants of what you were eating before putting it into his mouth and licking off what was on it. At first, you thought it was absolutely disgusting, but then it turned hot. Oh, so stupidly hot.

Ethan pushed the spoon under the hot water, rinsing it before pushing you slightly with his hip to the side to make room, grabbing the other sponge. “It’s literally a spoon. Fucking weirdo.”

“What was that? Tasted good.” He looked over at you, winking with a wide grin. “Sweet and… perfect.”

“It was sweet cream and berries, you perv,” you shot him another glare as you quickly rinsed the bowl, settling it on the drying rack before turning. “Tell Jake that I’ll be in my room.”

“Yeah,” Ethan watched you as you walked up the stairs, slightly biting his lip with every sway of your hips making his eyes go side to side. “For fucks sake.”

You paused before you moved down the hall, tilting your head. “What was that?”

“Nothing.”

You scoffed, fully thinking he said something stupid as you went into your room, despising the fact you didn’t have a lock on your door. Digging in the drawer next to your bed, you first took out the blanket before your diary with a lock on it, then took out the false bottom that hid your vibrator.

You inhaled as you laid on your stomach, lifting your butt up before sliding the blanket in between your legs in a mound before changing into some shorts and sliding the vibrator in between your folds. You let out a hum, settling yourself on top of the mound before opening up your diary and turning on the toy between your legs.

It was nice, your hand slightly shaking as you wrote down the lewd thoughts you had of Ethan fucking you from behind, forcing you to look at his phone as he took a video of you both, paying extra attention to the way you begged and drooled around his cock. His best friend’s little sister that had been dreaming of his dick for who knows how long, this diary being the main source of where you let your thoughts run rampant.

Just the thought of him forcing your face into the bed, keeping your ass up as he pounded into you from behind, one hand holding his phone to videotape you as the other pushed into your open mouth, forcing you to gag and drool. Just the thought made you rut your hips into the blanket, biting into it as you set down your pen, humping the vibrator to get it against that perfect spot.

You could feel your stomach start to tighten, holding back loud moans by biting even harder into the sheet, continuously rolling your hips to get the vibrations in just the right place. Oh, you could just picture him slamming his hips into you repeatedly, moaning into your ear before thrusting his hips forward and cumming so deep inside of you that he would have to scrape it out of you with his long, nimble but thick and perfect fingers.

You had written about being his cumdump before, his breeding whore and freeuse slut that would be there for him at any point – there to suck his balls or gag on his dick, kneel in front of him for him to use your mouth or bent over the table or couch for him to use whenever they want. Oh, for fucks sake, the thought had you pushing the vibrator deeper against your cunt and bucked your hips forward, quickly coming undone.

You inhaled as you bucked your hips, quickly reaching down to turn the setting lower to ride out your high before turning it off. Quickly, you reached for the disinfecting wipes and soap before standing and shoving the blanket back into the drawer before closing your diary. No one would come into your room anyways, so there was no need to lock it or hide it.

Squeezing your thighs together, you carefully walk out after attempting to close the door, rushing as fast as you could to the restroom. After doing your business and carefully cleaning yourself up, you do the same to the toy.

Ethan had come up the stairs, noticing the open door to your room and looking around. Your brother had gone to the store to pick up some snacks and such, but had just texted him that the closest store didn’t have what he was looking for so he moved to some other stores.

This left Ethan bored, and you were certainly the perfect person to play with that night. Truthfully, you were the only person he wanted to play with, and not in the way that other people might think. For fucks sake, how could his best friend’s little sister be so hot?

His brow ruffled when he didn’t see you in the room, looking around before seeing the book on your bed. It makes him smile, walking toward your bed and opening it up with a laugh. Oh, he was definitely going to use this against you, the words fuck and pound immediately jumping out at him.

As soon as you walked in, you saw him, reading your diary as though it was a biblical text. “So that’s what Jacob L/N's little sister is… a cock hungry whore, hm?”

Your mouth went dry as he stood up, throwing your diary to the side as he leaned his phone against your bed’s headstand, the ding of the camera making you swallow. “E-Ethan, I didn’t-”

“For fucks sake, I know you want my dick, so just shut up,” he starts undoing his jeans, smirking at you. “What are you waiting for? Come choke on my cock.”

You hated him and his stupidly handsome smirk as he quoted your diary. Fuck him – which you were about to do.

For fucks sake, how much did this man read? He had pushed you into over five positions — each time making you cum over and over again on his cock. He had already cum inside of you twice, both times in a position that had his cum spurting so deep inside of you that you could feel your stomach bulge. Oh, and how could you forget when he forced you onto your knees and pushed his cock into your mouth, cumming at least twice and continuing to use your throat like a fleshlight until mixed cum and saliva trailed down your throat.

For fucks sake, you never thought being a whore for your brother’s best friend would feel this good.

“Hey, why do you look so fucked out, hm?” Ethan was teasing you, a smirk on his face as he held the phone in front of your face, his other hand shoving his fingers knuckle deep into your mouth. Your drool was dripping down his hand, a wicked grin on his face as he kissed against your ear. “Say it. Say it’s because your brother’s best friend is fucking you like you’ve always wanted him to.”

You squealed around his finger as his hips started to speed up, loud slaps of skin against skin and your cum filled cunt squelching lewdly. His balls slapped against your ass, his mouth hot and wet pressing kisses to your skin, his words already making your eyes water. “Say it. Say how good I make you feel or I’m not going to let you cum.”

You choked as he shoved his fingers farther down your throat, pulling his hand out so you could inhale deeply. “E-Ethan, Ethan! I feel so good, so fucking good, don’t stop! Please don’t stop, don’t stop!”

He laughed as he wrapped his hand around your throat, the page you wrote about him choking you finally coming into memory as his hand starts to squeeze. “Say how long you’ve been dreaming about my cock. How long you’ve been dreaming about me fucking you.”

Your eyes rolled back into your head as his thrusts got harder, the bed squeaking as your body goes limp, your torso falling into the mattress making him basically growl. “No the fuck you’re not,” his hand moved from your throat to your hips, forcing you to stay up as his thrusts got slightly sloppy, an indicator he was going to cum soon. “You think I’m done? I’ve been dreaming about fucking your pussy for way too fucking long to be done. I’m going to use your perfect little cunt until I’m satisfied, now fucking say how good my cock is making you feel. Fucking say it!”

“Fuck, Ethan!” You screamed out, sobbing as the camera zoomed in on your face, your mouth a drooling mess and the tears from your eyes truly adding to how much of a whore you were. “So good, I feel so good, Ethan! You’re making me feel so good, treating me like a slut, I feel so good!”

Ethan groaned as he kissed against your cheek, holding you tightly so you wouldn’t fall forward before his phone started to ring. He cursed as he stopped moving his hips, a whine coming from your lips before he gave you a soft kiss. “Give me a minute, darling, you’re doing so perfect for me.”

You smiled as he answered the call, humming. “Hey Jake! What’s up?”

Oh, but then he rolled his hips.

You rushed to cover your mouth, eyes rolling back as his cock slid in and out of you, a soft groan falling from his lips. “Oh, me? I’m just… entertaining myself. Oh yeah, me and Y/N are really… bonding.”

The rolling starts to turn into shallow thrusts, Ethan laughing. “What? Y/N loves me, I don’t know what you’re even talking about! Oh my- you know what? You go have dinner with your parents and I’ll keep Y/N company. Hell yeah, by the time you guys get back, we’ll be fucking besties.”

Or you would be pregnant. Either one worked.

“Alright, see you later man! Oh, you wanna talk to Y/N? Here she is!” He leaned down, holding the phone to your ear as he started to thrust. Oh, you couldn’t even focus on his words.

“Y/N, seriously, everything’s okay, right?” Jacob spoke, tilting his head as Ethan grunted softly, his thrusts getting faster as you let out a high pitched hum.

“Yes! Everything’s fine, perfect!” You say, choking as Ethan hissed, his hand on your hip squeezing as you felt the knot in your stomach clench, your cunt squeezing his cock as you neared your orgasm. “Everything’s just- fuck!”

You cursed as he slammed his hips forward, the knot in your stomach tightening before releasing as you came, his thrusts getting faster as he chased his high.

“Y/N, I swear to fucking god, if Ethan’s fucking you-”

“N-No, I just hit my knee, I swear!” You lied, gasping. “Have fun with dinner, I love you, see you soon, stay safe!”

You rushed to hang up, thankful that as soon as you hit that red ‘end call’ button, Ethan slammed his hips forward and let out a broken moan as he came inside of you. It was enough to make you scream out, finally falling forward and humming as he panted against your shoulder. He kissed against your cheek softly, humming. “You did so good, honey… Did I make you feel good?”

“So good,” you whisper back, gasping as he quickly moved you to lay back against your pillows and peppered kisses against your face.

“As good as you thought it would be? Or, wrote about?”

“Oh shut up!” You laughed as you pushed him away, sighing. “Yeah, just as good.”

“Well… guess that means I need to take you out,” he bumped his nose to yours, laughing. “Doesn’t it?”

“Guess you didn’t read the first page,” you whisper, humming as you cup his cheeks. “‘Cause that was the first thing I’ve ever wanted you to do.”

He laughs, shaking his head. “This was still good, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, it was so good.”

thank you guys so much for your support! sorry for lack of inactivity, i'm trying to get back on it!

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© asterias-record-shop

[liveontelevision]

R and R | Lucifer X OC!Reader

Another! Tadaaa

If i'm being totally honest, i was Stoned out of my mind when i wrote this, so i can't guarantee it's top shelf, but here ya go.

TW: some mentions of self-harm, suicide, but mostly fluff and suggestive stuff

Enjoy ;)

♡♡♡

You stumbled upon the renovated hotel directly after arriving in hell. It was a dark and confusing night, but you hadn't had the easiest life anyway. Barely getting by day to day, with a history of depression and self-harm, sometimes your only solution to your problems was to keep walking forward. So you did just that, leading you to a fantastical hotel that seemed to be giving away free rooms.

You entered the lobby, covered in dirt, blood, and whatever else was on the streets of hell. You worked as a waitress, and on an especially rough day, your break time was spent taking your own life. And here you are, in a pink and white striped, vintage uniform dress. Along with a little apron, that still had written orders on it in your pocket.

Looking an absolute mess, Charlie immediately took you in and fixed you up before rambling about the redemption aspect.

It was a miracle that you stumbled upon the clean and comfortable rooms available. It wasn't anything that fancy, but after being on the streets until your end, this was heaven.

After appreciating a significant amount of pampering, a hot shower, comfortable clean clothes, and a cushy bed, you were introduced to the rest of the hotel residents. Everyone seemed lovely, some.. interesting.. personalities, but nothing you weren't too intimidated by. Except for Alastor. The tall, shadowy figure put you entirely on edge, and you hated to admit that you were actually afraid of him.

Moving on -

You've been a resident at the hotel for 6 months! They did say redemption would take a while, but at this point, it was becoming hard to believe.. Still, in reality, why would you leave? You created a chosen family that can't be compared to your living family in any aspect. Not to mention the slightest crush on the king of hell himself.

It was something you were ignoring for weeks, but his humor and caring nature was too hard to ignore. The fact is, you start noticing little things when you develop feelings. How his eyes sparkled when he looks at Charlie, and fiddled with his ring when he became anxious, and how his hair get's messier when he seems stressed. You assume that he doesnt really take care of himself when theres too much on his plate.. it almost made your heart ache just thinking about it.

You also notice how he unconsciously flinches at the slightest touch, even to Charlie. From the sounds of it, he hadn't been this active and social for years, so physical contact had to have been sparce.

It was just because he was working on things.. yeah, important things!

Of course, its your anniversary of arriving at the hotel, so you were welcomed into the lobby that night with banners, balloons, some sloppy cookies, the works; everyone was there to celebrate your progress. The night consisted of a heart-felt speech from charlie, some disturbing accessories gifted to you by niffty, and a lot of drinking. Lucifer was prone to getting lost in a conversation, especially with you. And even moreso after a few rounds of whiskey. Very late into the night, you finally noticed how everyone had gone to their rooms, leaving you and Lucifer in a passionate conversation about whatever important project he was currently working on.

You found yourself facing him entirely, your knees brushed against his side with every roll of your barstool. You were too intoxicated to notice his small reactions to it. Occasionally, it would cause him to stutter or make him lose his focus. You were rudely dissociating while he talked, noticing his hair was slightly messy. It must have been another long day.. A small piece of hair fell into his face, but he didn't do much about it, continously blowing it out of his eyesight and combing his fingers back through his hair. It was all you were able to focus on while he spoke, almost to an annoying extent. You let out a sigh and simply brush the hair out of his eyes during one of his stories. You leaned back and propped your elbow on the bar, waiting for him to continue on after he stopped talking for some reason. It finally clicked that you may have overstepped his boundaries. He was blinking his widened eyes, just a slight blush across his cheeks. You gasped, covering your mouth with your hands.

"Oh! Oh- Lucifer i'm sorry i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything I just-" you rambled an apology out before he snaps out of his fazed state. He quickly calms you down;

" Nope! No-ho-hope you are great. Fine! You're fine, it's fine.." his drunken babbles dug his grave. He groaned and laid his heads in his hands for a moment.

"Just.. i've been alone for so long, you know? I always get a little nervous when people do that.. type of thing..." He leaned up, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

For some reason, your only thought process was to try to calm his nerves any way possible.

" S-sooo.. do you want, like, a massage or something?" That bold comment was never something you'd say to royalty, even to ones you've become close with. Lucifer's eyes grew even wider as he stuttered nonsense.

You slap your forehead, "Fuck! Lucifer, i'm drunk i swear.. i'm sorry. If you manage to remember this night after blacking out, do me a favor and forget this whole thing, okay?" You rambled.

".. Yes."

It took you a moment to process what you just heard. You looked over to him, his shoulders were tensed as his hands clenched fists onto his thighs. He was looking away, biting the inside of his mouth, possibly to stop him from saying anything else. You blinked, a small smile spread across your face, just seeing this powerful demon acting all embarrassed.

"Okay. Sure, yeah!  I mean.. if you're comfortable, i.. i don't mind doing it." You responded. There was no reason to debate this, playing it off as a bold response. Lucifer gulped, his face only getting hotter with every word.

He takes a few deep breaths," Fuck it.. Listen, I trust you." He smiled at you, the kind of smile that made your heart melt. You try to switch the topic as the two of you moved up to his room, simply to avoid the dreaded awkward silence. You got into another friendly conversation about something unimportant, that will have been forgetten in a matter of hours.

You've been in his workshop once or twice. It seemed like he kept the doors locked often, probably nervous about anyone seeing the mess that was inside. It wasn't too bad this night. He did have to swipe a few rubber ducks off the couch, so there was a place to sit, though. Lucifer plopped on the couch, his back stretched heavily as his head leaned over the back of the head rest. He rubbed his shoulder in this relaxed position, seemingly stressed just by being in a place he associated with work. That didn't stop you from taking a mental photo of him in this state. He wore a white shirt, decorated with puffed sleeves that were rolled to his elbows, and a small ruffle coming from the neck line. He crossed his  legs in his regular heeled boots and began to explain some work he was struggling with. He brushed his hair back into place again, looking to you as he did and noticing you were still standing. He cocked his head before silently slapping the cushion next to him.

" So.. how we gonna do this?" He tries to play off the suddenly intimate moment with a jokingly flirty voice.

"Ah! Right, well.. you could - face this way, and i'll just -" you quickly sat with your legs underneath you and take a hold of his shoulders, moving his body to have his back face you.

"Ookay. So.. um, tell me if this is.. uncomfortable, okay?" You decided to set that boundary for him, and he nodded in response. He looked down slightly, revealing his neck to you, already relaxing his shoulders.

Your hands hesitated for a moment just reaching out to him. Finally making contact, you noticed a familiar little flinch, making you pull away immediately.

"Sorry! Sorry, go ahead.. uh- please.." he muttered. You nod and try again, your hands touching his shoulders much slower than before. He slouches his back towards you, letting out a satisfying sigh just a few moments later.

You moved your massaging hands from his shoulders to his shoulder blades, then to his middle back, then slightly lower. As you focused on specific areas that simply felt harder to dig into, you occasionally ran your fingers up and down his spine. He shuddered every time, making you do it just for the reaction at certain points.

You brushed another spot near his side, that made him flinch. It took both of you by surprise, being simply one of those spots on your body that make you jump. He let out a sudden hic, turning his head back to you. Your eye contact felt long overdue. The couch wasn't very large, his actions left him just a few inches away from your face. You hold your breath, worried that he'd hear how fast your heart was beating. You take the sudden interruption as a chance to make a suggestion.

"Can I.. can i do your- uhm..." You pointed to his chest, implying what you were too nervous to say. He almost stopped to think for a moment before shifting his position to face you directly. You let out your breath and looked at the nervous demon in front of you. His face was rosey pink, his eyes half lidded. You take out another quick breath before reaching back up to his shoulders. You dug into his shoulder and collarbone area, nervous to go any lower. Your thumbs traced the divots of his collarbone as your fingers reached up across his neck momentarily. He melted into every movement, his body moving with the direction of your hands, his eyes finally resting shut.

You got as lost in it as he did, the massage suddenly turning into your hands lightly tracing over his features. You could tell he only needed the slightest comforting touch to relax. Your fingers traced down the center of his chest, then made circular motions over his abdomen, then back up, tracing across his arms and squeezing his palms lightly. He flexed his wrists as if he was about to hold your hand in his. You were embarrassed to admit how excited that madd you for a moment. While running your hands near his sides, you accidentally reach into his partially untucked blouse. You both gasp and pull away, giving each other the same wide-eyed face. Lucifer was first to break eye contact. He looked at your hands for a moment before letting out a brave breath and unbuttoning his shirt from the front. You cover your eyes and stammered out.

"Woah-woah! It was an accident you don't have to do this if you-"

"Oh! Shit! Ah-hah.. i'd.. i mean, i wouldnt mind... if .. you.. wouldn't?" He bashfully replied, covering his previously unbottoned chest.

"No, i don't mind.." Your responses were becoming more confident, uncovering your face. You almost smile at him but become too flustered watching him remove his shirt. He let his top sit at his waist, simply pulling the shirt off his shoulders. His skin was like porcelain, smooth and white, and surprisingly cold to the touch. Your hands pressed on his chest, attempting to heat him up with your warm hands. Either you pushed too hard, or he expected something different, but Lucifer follows your hands and lets you essientally push him back to lay on his forearms. You can't handle it. He looked so amazing in this position. You both mentally decided that it was best to just not question this increasingly intimidate moment.

You resume running your hands across his chest, noticing his breath changing. After just a couple minutes, he was putty in your hands. His forearms were shaking and gripping the edge of the couch, ready to give out. Then he finally gave in, making him drop his back to the cushion of the couch. You followed his movements as the position slowly shifted, and your knee moved in between his legs, trying to keep up with his slouching torso. He's breathing heavily from his lips, his face a tomato red, while he can barely keep his eyes open. You enjoyed his reaction too much to ruin this moment, but god, you were desperate to be closer to him. You swirled your palms down his torso and abdomen, tracing his v lines until you lightly grazed the hem of his pants.

You stop yourself, pulling your hands away and keeping them close to you, hoping to hide your heaving chest until you calmed down. It takes him a minute to tune back in, looking up at you with concern and slight disappointment. His eyes darted around for a moment before sitting up and breaking the silence.

"You.. uh.. you want to stop? You've done more than enough, trust me, Way more than.. I.. erm.. fuck it. If you're not up to it, it's okay.. but-" he stopped his mumbling, to slowly pull out his 3 sets of wings. To comfortably adjust their size, he had to essentially curl them in your direction. Being as large as they were, they were nearly encasing the two of you together. You shrink back, curiousity hitting you before he could properly ask. You ran your hand across his feathers, simply intrigued by their color and softness. He let out a soft yelp, making you pull back again. Again, you two give eachother a wide eyed stare, not sure how to follow up that kind of reaction. At this point, you finally let out a snort and started to laugh. It was quick to lighten the mood, as he joined you.

"Keep going." He smiled at you, a beautiful sparkle in his red eyes, as he reached out to take one of your hands. He took that hand and gave its palm a small kiss.

"Ooh~ i'm honored, your highness." You teased. He responded with wiggling his eyebrows and sending a joking smirk in your direction, hoping that would conseal his excitement to your words.

It didn't, really.

You gently take your hand from his, and continue running your fingers across his feathers. They flinch at any contact but still folded into your hand with a longing to be held. His flirtatious demeanor immediately folded, letting out another sigh. He became a bit vocal this time, letting out low hums every now and then. And sometimes, he would attempt to hold his eyes open just to look at you. He wasn't sure if you could tell, being too concentrated in your work, but he didn't care. He loved the view. His breath became heavier again, but with the close proximity and his wings keeping you two close, the area became very heated.

You send a puff of air close to his feathers, letting out a small chuckle at his sudden shock. The laughter between the two of you slowly dissolving into sweet smiles. The light was slightly dampened by the coverage of his wings, yet you were still able to see his shifting eyes. He leans towards you, breathing slowly. In response, you place your hands back on his chest, causing him to sit back up a bit. He almost looked upset for a moment, being stopped from moving towards you. You gather the courage before moving in closer, your legs nearly overlapping each other at this point. You lean in just a few inches away and shut your eyes, allowing him to finally make the decision to meet your lips together.

The teasingly long tension from this intimacy seemingly burst. Lucifer's wings pull back, tucking back behind him. He breathes heavily into your lips, his head swaying in the direction of yours, still melting into your touch. To keep him from completely collapsing, you keep your hands firmly on his chest. His arms tenderly grab yours, just needing something, anything, to anchor himself. You pull away after a while, allowing him to catch his breath.

Even in this winded, flustered state, you could both tell this is something he's needed for a long time. It was a long night, following every desire that he was too embarrassed to ask for and loving every moment of it. It felt so good to give this sweetheart something he didn't realize he needed; something he deserves. You end up leaning your back on the couch arm, his back flush to your chest. Your fingers were running through his hair slowly, providing a very satisfying scalp massage. The warmth coming from you body, and him unknowingly using your chest as a pillow was more than enough to lull him to sleep. You couldn't remember if he was awake at the time, but you continued to plant a small kiss on the top of his head before falling asleep right underneath him.

---

You sit up quickly from your sleep, immediately wincing at the light coming from the workshops' windows. After taking a moment to get used to your throbbing head, you finally took in your surroundings and then the flood of memories of the night before hit. Your eyes went wide, and you groaned into your hands. Despite this reaction, you were so glad that you remembered last night. You finally notice a blanket over you and a large duck plush underneath your head, which made you smile until realizing Lucifer was gone. Your chest dropped, immediately thinking of what you could have done to make him leave you here, alone.

"Feeling like shit, my love? 'Cause i sure am!" His voice comes from the door, in an entirely joking tone. You quickly turn to see him, letting out a sigh of relief. The king of hell made you fucking pancakes. He wear a little apron protecting the same shirt he wore the night before, and placed your plate at a nearby table. You hobble off the couch, groaning from the stiffness of your body. Lucifer was quick to pull out your chair, and push it back in once you were seated, the table set with a variety of fruits, the tall stack of pancakes, a small glass of water, and a large mug of coffee. Clearly, that was what you went for first. The drink shot you awake, noticing the freshness of the ingredients and its preporation. You take in a large fork-ful of hotcakes and let out a stereotypical hum.

"You're amazing, Lucifer." You mumble out of your pancake-filled cheeks. He places his hand on yours, simply smiling at you from the side of the table.

"Thank you, darling. I really needed that.. like Really needed that." He huffs out, becoming embarrassed again. He didnt even stutter holding on to your hand. You finish off your food, having some light conversation that came easy to the two of you after last night.

Alastor's broadcast chimed through a nearby radio, "Hellish morning, residents! ~ I'm sure you all had a restful sleep after your nightly activities! Your planned activities for today include ... "

Alastors voice quietly fills the room, announcing some of the exercises Charlie had planned for today. His phrasing made you nervous, as if he knew what you were up to. It also gave you an uncomfortable flashback to a high school P.A. system.

" I should get going then, right? Busy... trying to be redeemed.. and stuff. You know." You slide out of your chair, letting out a nervous chuckle, not seeing his strange reaction to you mentioning redemption. As if he were scared to lose you to heaven. Before you have a chance to look back at him, Lucifer is wrapped around your waist. He shifts to stand into the embrace, as close as he could be. He leaves a hand on the small of you back, and the other on the back of your neck, his clawed fingers entangled in your hair. It takes you a minute to hold him back, just from the shock, but you held him tight, closing your eyes and nuzzling your nose into his hair. That's when you notice how lovely he smelled.. probably an apple scented shampoo. -And how he never flinched to your touch after that night.

♡♡♡

I left this one pretty suggestive, because i haven't really written smut before. I might rewrite this if anyone's interested in it going that route tho!

[kairiscorner]

Quick little idea that you totally don’t have to do but it would be super cute if you could (no pressure ily work 🫶🏼) could you have Hobie with a partner (whatever gender(s) you want) who gets overwhelmed by loud noises, too much noise, fast and abrupt changes in anything, and bright lights, because of her spidy senses? I thought it would be cute seeing as hobie made his own watch and stuff that maybe he could make some special noise canceling headphones that block out the effects of her spidy senses (like the enhanced hearing/seeing part) I don’t know, you can take this however you want! Love your stuff and don’t forget to drink water and take breaks for yourself ❤️

-lots of love, 🥀 anon

HELLO 🥀 anon :DD THANK YOUUUU also ofc, i can do that >:) i hope ya like this, and thanks again <:DD

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too &lt;:D)

with great power came great responsibility, and great burdens that you couldn't exactly bear all that well. you were a more advanced type of spider person, in a sense, you were more advantageous for your capabilities due to your heightened spidey sense–but the payoff was that you could never turn off these heightened senses of yours. that meant that you saw, heard, and felt everything in the most minute details possible. and the worst part was they remained on even when danger wasn't even around–you were stuck like this, and you hated it.

you found yourself snapping or losing some self-restraint when you'd get overwhelmed by startling sensations, by sudden changes and abrupt movements. you hated getting mad about these because you knew they were unavoidable, just as unavoidable as your heightened senses being a part of your powers. the worst part was that it caused a lot of people to walk on eggshells around you, and you believed many of them outright want to refuse working with you because of it.

you were incredibly uncomfortable and wished you could do something about it, but all the noise-cancelling headphones and specialized sunglasses you used were all useless in practical fights. until, one hobie brown delivered an even better solution for your problems. "here," he said as he handed you pretty crude but intriguing accessories to you with a smirk. you raised an eyebrow as you took them from his hands. "what are they?" you asked him as he smirked wider. "ya put 'em on." he said with a shrug, his smirk unwavering.

you hesitated for a minute, you realized they resembled sunglasses and headphones–and you realized soon enough what he meant to give you and for what purpose. you wordlessly obeyed his instructions and put them on, soon... everything was dead quiet, everything was less intense. everything was peaceful as soon as you donned the accessories on. you couldn't believe it, the chaos stopped for one moment, and that moment was when you wore hobie's makeshift accessories.

hobie chuckled. "they work really well, don't they?" he asked as you soon took them off, and you nodded profusely, not realizing you were smiling the whole time when you finally found peace and quiet. hobie grinned as he held his hand up to give you a high five. "i've seen how much struggling you've been going through when you, y'know... get overwhelmed and all. not your fault, 'course not–it sucks you have to be punished for already trying to save the multiverse. so, i... did a little bit of tinkering, et voila. seems like i did a great job, no?" he said with a chuckle as your eyes welled a little with tears as you realized you'd finally find relief for all your troubles.

"thank you, hobie." you thanked him with a cracked voice as you gave him a high five, and soon, he placed his hand on your head and pat it a little. " 'course, if ya need anything else, i'm always right where you need me to be." he said with a grin as he soon headed off, with you watching him go, in total glee at his generous gift for you. maybe now you could join him on his more chaotic missions and get to know him a whole lot better... and he'd love that, truly.

tags !! @thecoolerdor @luvstarrstruck @fictarian @k4tsu3 @pixqlsin @maxoloqy @solecitoszn @ii01vq @toneystank-3000

[wutheringmights]

can i ask for the hot mess commentary plz?

sure

Before we crack into this, take a moment to read what I said about the neck thing. I write that up a long time ago, but it provides some important context and is a good refresher on the secret history of Spirit's bi awakening.

Also, the director's commentary for this chapter is here, in case you want to review that.

Good? Okay, let's go at it.

So.... they had sex. Yay. Insert jazz hands.

I feel like I actually have way less to talk about here than I did for the neck thing. Granted, a lot of the neck thing is behind the scenes stuff. I guess that's a good place to start.

You may recall the informal hiatus CTB went on after Spirit came back to Warriors's era. I used a lot of that time to actually work out how to end CTB and what character/plot points I would need to hit to have a satisfying conclusion.

During this time, I was listing out things about Spirit and Warriors that I need to return to. Spirit had his codependent histories with the greenhorn and Zelda, or really his strategy for offering himself up as a means of feeling more in control, that needed to be explored. I needed to do some kind of follow-up with Warriors's latent attraction.

The two topics were similar enough to make me want to tackle them at once. But the moment I did, my brain decided that they should hate fuck. (I definitely was also thinking about my old concept of Spirit's unrequited crush-- I still write the characters like that happened, even if it never actually made it into the story.)

Why hate sex? Honestly, it would be kinda funny. Plus, it's a good writing exercise to ask yourself what would happen if your characters in conflict did (not really).

I knew immediately it could only end badly for everyone involved. But I knew I needed Warriors to hit an emotional low point to motivate him to do his Castle Town plan. I knew I wanted Spirit's big speech to come at a time when he and Warriors were emotionally connecting again, and that the response to that speech needed to push him back to Time.

Shit, I thought. This might be what they do.

But, like. I love protecting my peace. I have been skirting around the edges of homo eroticism with Spirit and Warriors as much as I dared. I didn't want to invite angry anons. But then.... did I really care? I understand where people are coming from, but at the same time... this is such a minuscule non-issue. Truly, and with emotion: who even cares?

First off, we already established with the neck thing that whatever fucked up thing these two have going on does not count as shipping. And second, if it does count as shipping, then fine! It's shipping then. This is what the plot is. I've been working on this story for too long to compromise now. I'll reap the consequences, whatever they may be.

I decided to keep it on the books, half believing I would change my mind once the chapter came up.

I was feeling very confident about my choice, up until the day of posting. That was then I got slammed in the face with regret. Luckily, there hasn't been any issues. I may have overestimated as much the general populous care about CTB. If there was ever any confirmation that this story has the world's most niche audience, this is it.

And you all have been great. There's been a lot of encouragement and kind words from you the readers, after you all stopped yelling, of course.

(Though I was prepared to be an obstinate jackass to anyone who tried to complain. I found a loophole and was ready to exploit the hell out of it. I was so ready!)

Funnily enough, everyone's reactions to the past few chapters helped to reassure me the most. There was been a lot of jokes about Warriors and Spirit having the world's worst situationship (lol).

So them having sex turned into an important character and plot moment. Warriors and Spirit got built up and tore down in self-destructive ways. This experience becomes the wake-up call Warriors needed to decide that he was ready to stop being the hero and get his life back.

A lot of people expressed surprise that Warriors and Spirit would go through with it even after talking it out. To be honest, I was a little surprised too! I was half convinced that Warriors had grown enough to stop the self-destructive cycle and turn Spirit down. But when looking at the scenes leading up to them being alone-- from Twilight denounce his friendship with Warriors, Toto turning him away, and Warriors generally in an emotional rut over his intellect and lost beauty--I realized that Warriors was already in the middle of another downward spiral. He would go through with this, if only to feel valued. It was the war all over again.

Also, apparently half of you guessed that Warriors would get cigarette burns from Spirit eventually. I hope you all were happy with the results!

When I posted that snippet from the chapter, apparently all of you knew that a kiss was coming. Ooops. I'm a little glad I surprised all of you with what happened next afterward.

On to funnier things:

I meant for there to be more compare/contrasts between Warriors's nights with Icarius and Spirit. The only one I really managed to do was Link being unable to sleep next to Icarius vs Warriors falling asleep easily.

Because this chapter and the last were supposed to be one, this scene was supposed to come out around Valentine's Day. Could you imagine?

I had the silliest time trying to figure out how to get Warriors and Spirit alone in a room together. I had this grand plan about them needing to get a room in a different inn from the others, whether because they were too tired to walk home after dancing or because they were too drunk to remember the way. Then I realized that Ganondorf could just give the Chain enough money to get more rooms. I realized this way later than I should have.

If you're wondering.... they switched....

I wrote that Warriors thought that sex with Spirit felt like an argument. That is because they are both the bossiest motherfuckers in bed. They both want things done their way or else. It's combative. Unfortunately, they both like the challenge.

I did have an idea for how to end this whole matter in a funny way, both involving someone from the chain finding out.

In my first idea, Time barges into what he thinks is just Warriors's room, in the middle of some kind of rant. Then he sees both of them sitting in bed, pauses, then promptly walks out. Warriors and Spirit quickly get dress before there's a knock on the door. When Warriors opens, Time walks in casually and starts his rant again while pretending none of this had happened. He would wait until Warriors was alone to be like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

My other alternate scenario involves Warriors and Spirit getting a room in a different inn. In the morning, Spirit is hurriedly trying to leave when there's a knock on the door. This time, it's a few members of the chain asking if he's seen Warriors anywhere. He says no. All but one walk away. The one who stays (probably Legend) would lean and discreetly tell him that he knew the room was under Warriors's name, so if they were done, could he tell Warriors to get his ass outside? Cue Spirit burning up in embarrassment.

EDIT: I actually had a third silly scenario idea. Similar to the others, Twilight barges in to talk to Warriors about Midna (they're still friends in this scenario; this was an idea from a long time ago). Warriors is still in the bed, but luckily Spirit is in the bathroom. Warriors tries to have a normal conversation without alerting Twilight that something was amiss. And it almost works until Spirit just walks out of the bathroom, waves, and goes to put his clothes on. Cue Twilight's 404 error.

So, yeah! That's the Hot Mess. As always, it's been really fun to see everyone's reactions. Warriors and Spirit are both extremely polarizing, and I love hearing everyone's hot takes.

Does this count as toxic yaoi? Not until I see an AMV to "Numb" by Linkedin Park. Luckily, Warriors and Spirit will never do this again. Probably.

[bots-and-cons]

Hello!

I have looked through your masterlist but didn’t find anything platonic for Starscream, so maybe you would find this prompt interesting?

What if TFP Decepticons caught a young reader (teenage to early twenties ig) and Megatron forced Starscream to deal with them? How would he react to gradually growing more and more protective of his ward? How would he react to the reader growing attached to him in return? I feel like there it so much potential in a found family dynamic of papa!Starscream and the youngin’ he’s supposed to take care of 🥹 can be a drabble or headcannons, up to you ✨

I usually use "reader" in the masterlist for platonic stuff and "s/o" for romantic stuff, so there should be some for Starscream too, at least I’m pretty sure. I kinda just rambled about whatever came to mind

•Starscream was not very happy about being assigned as your babysitter

•You’re of course an adult and don’t need any babysitting, but dealing with giant alien robots is very new for you, so it’s not too bad to have someone helping out with the adjustment

•If you can really call it helping

•Starscream is annoyed all the time, mostly because he doesn’t really know how to deal with a human

•I mean he barely knows how to get along with his own species, so how is he supposed to get along with someone who he has nothing on common with

•On the other hand he doesn’t really care if he gets along with you, he just wants to keep you alive as Megatron ordered

•At least that’s the case at first, but when you’re stuck with each other pretty much all the time you start to grow on him

•You were never really very scared of him, but of course he did make you nervous because of his size and winning personality /s

•He doesn’t really even notice how much he comes to enjoy your company

•Starscream is honestly kind of scared of feeling comfortable with someone, even if he doesn’t realize it himself

•He’s never really had that before, since the decepticons are not exactly a warm and fuzzy bunch

•He ends up being pretty protective of you, but he’s terrified that you’d see him like he sees himself and that you’d hate him

•You’ve also got your insecurities, and even though you rarely talk about them, he’s not blind

•Even though Starscream is very self centered, when you get into his circle, he also extends that same treatment to you

•And there is no one else in his circle than you, since he’s never connected with anyone like that

•You and Starscream talk a lot of shit about what’s going on at the Nemesis, you both love some good gossip, especially if it can be beneficial to either of you

•Starscream doesn’t really trust that pleasant feeling he has about his connection with you, because feelings like that have never lasted before, someone always betrays or leaves him

•But when you tell him he’s like family to you, he just sort of leaves the room, because he doesn’t know how to react

•He’s happy about it, but again, major trust issues

•You’ve grown close, and even though building trust has been a long process, it’s been worth it

[ceruleanwhore]

So now I'm psychoanalyzing Jin, I guess

WARNINGS: Spoilers and also TW for mentions of violence, murder, and suicide.

Ever since I started thinking about how maybe Jin isn’t actually the worst, maybe he’s just badly written, I’ve ended up kind of diving into psychoanalyzing him and now I think I can honestly say that I feel bad enough for him that I don’t dislike him anymore — he’s firmly in ‘poor little meow meow’ territory and I like pathetic men. But I just wanted to share some of that psychoanalysis here because I think y’all might appreciate it.

So I started with kinda inventorying his trauma and thinking through from what’s in the text what he would have lurking in his brain and, of course, there’s quite a lot. Growing up in abject poverty is traumatizing in and of itself, but he also had to watch his mom get sick and had to provide for them as best he could at a very young age since he couldn’t and, in the end, it wasn’t enough and she died. Then there’s the matter of learning the truth of who he is and who his father is and returning to the palace where he’d then stay and live among the same people who so violently hated his mother that they basically killed her, and then there’s Bloodstained Rose Day.

The thing with his parents, though, is that it isn’t just how he had to sit there and watch his parents fall apart and eventually die because of their doomed relationship, it’s also that day in and day out he gets to hear about how his parents never should have been together in the first place. It’s a sentiment that he internalizes so much that he makes Clause 99, and yet by saying that they never should have fallen in love, everyone is also saying that Jin never should’ve been born. Clause 99 is actually fucking depressing because it’s basically Jin saying that, if he could go back in time and prevent his parents from ever falling in love, he would, even though that would mean he wouldn’t exist. We also see this suicidal streak in Luke’s route with how his answer to that whole conflict is to just stand there and tell his brother to kill him.

I think this is largely fueled by guit, both in the case of the stuff with his parents and, more obviously, in the case of Layla’s death. I imagine that Jin might have felt responsible for his mother’s death since they were so poor and just by existing he required resources and could’ve felt like that contributed to her illness and death. There’s also the part where the king wouldn’t have spiraled the way he did if he never learned of her death from Jin and, especially since his mother did tell him to never go to the palace and he was disobeying her final request of him or whatever when he told the king the bad news, he probably blames himself for the late king’s decline. 

So what I’m seeing in terms of mental health is a bunch of PTSD and depression with passive suicidal ideation, but he doesn’t have the support system or tools to actually heal so he relies on unhealthy coping mechanisms, mainly alcohol and sex. I think that some of his biggest motivation is proving his value to himself and the people around him, like everything he does is more or less in an effort to somehow prove that his existence is worth it. It would probably be a massive internal conflict of guilt and self hatred vs. the desire to feel like, in spite of how things went for his parents, it was worth it for him to be born. We see in the story how hard he works and how valuable that work is as well as how he’s built relationships with his brothers and also takes the time and puts in the effort to get the people of Rhodolite to like him as well, and even goes so far as to try and help people from Obsidian too. 

I think the biggest example, though, is what he does in his route right after Emma arrives in the palace of forcefully inserting himself into her daily schedule by insisting on being her tutor. This annoyed me when I read it because it felt contradictory for Jin to do that after going to such lengths to avoid catching feelings and specifically trying to prevent any future Belles from falling in love with any future princes, and forced proximity is definitely bad for trying not to catch feelings for someone. However, if we think of it in this framework and consider it as a way he seeks to gain validation of his existence and worth, it makes sense because the very first thing he does is create a situation where she needs him to do exactly what he does. She passes Sariel’s test because all the questions were about what she saw when he was dragging her around town and shit but, more importantly, she then goes back to Jin and thanks him for his help and I think she even apologizes for resisting his intrusions, which is exactly the sort of validation I’m talking about.

I also think this seeking of validation is one of multiple contributing factors to his casual relationships with women. I believe it’s a combination of this desire for validation, a fear of commitment, self-soothing for all the trauma, and trying to ignore the part of him that does want the deeper intimacy of a real relationship by engaging in more casual physical intimacy. I also think that the narrative of Jin’s story takes all of those things and puts some combination of them in every interaction he has with Emma. He flirts with her when she first arrives because he wants to literally conquer his biggest fear and just fuck and dump her before he can catch feelings, he seeks validation by helping her, he goes to absurd lengths to create situations to allow himself to be around her while also trying to maintain distance to prevent feelings from developing. It all culminates in him admitting that he does want that deeper intimacy, overcoming that fear of commitment, and letting her in because he knows she’s a safe person who can give him that validation and help heal his trauma.

Now, I want to talk about Luke, Layla, and Bloodstained Rose Day. I think they tried to set up a parallel between Layla and Jin but never fully got there and the most we really get with that is how Luke is with interpersonal relationships and the part where these two are the only people he’s ever been close to. However, I do think it goes deeper than that because I think, if it were written better, Layla would be like a physical manifestation of Jin’s inner child. Just like how Layla was mortally wounded from the building collapsing and begged him to kill her in order to stop her pain, Jin’s inner child is still bleeding out somewhere inside him, begging for death just like her. I think that, when he pulled her out of that rubble and she was then bleeding out and asking him to kill her, he saw himself in her and slit her throat without hesitation, doing for her exactly what his inner child wishes he would do for himself. In the moment, I think it was more suicide than murder but then, after he did it, he then would’ve had this moment of realization that he just killed a child and that would begin the years of inner conflict about it and would contribute to stuff like his decision to make those graves.

So yeah, going through all of that psychoanalysis really helped me reach this conclusion that Jin doesn’t suck, he just isn’t written well and now I don’t hate him anymore, which is great. I just wish that the Ikemen games were better at handling their own characters because it fucking sucks that all of this and more is hidden in the text and they do nothing with it so he ends up coming across as an unlikeable dick. Especially since he is the first prince, I think it’s a real shame they did him so dirty when they had all the makings for a deep, complex, empathetic character.

[konohamaru-sensei]

What the water gave me - vii

Juvia suddenly leaves Fairy Tail. Gray knows it is for sure not his fault. But why does he feel so guilty?

who's idea was it to structure this like an arc with fights and all? oh no, it was me wasnt it.

Gray x Juvia

An arc between Tenroujima and the GMG in which Juvia runs from the guild and Gray gets her back (maybe)

Very angsty, a lot of self doubt, self hate, canon typical violence, gray is in focus

Rated M

To Gray’s surprise Juvia stepped forward and walked so close to Lucy that she could take her hand. “Juvia was never sure what her purpose in life was, but now she knows. Lucy-san and the others have to let Juvia help them for once.” Juvia had helped them many times, Gray thought and was thankful that Lucy said it out loud so he didn’t have to. “You have helped us! Just recently… I mean well, recently for us… you were almost essential! I don’t know what is happening here, but I swear we would rather have you with us in the guild than alone here. Whatever it is, we can all solve it together like we should.” “Exactly,” Natsu said, “Your enemies are also the enemies of the guild. So if these people have dragged you here we will take care of them.” Gray saw Juvia’s lips curl again, but this time he was pretty sure she’d done it because she was upset. The insinuation that she needed someone to take care of stuff for her seemed to have hurt her in some way Gray could not quite put together. Either way, Natsu should learn not to run his mouth like an idiot. “Do you not trust Juvia?” she asked Lucy directly and then at the others.  “Of course we trust you,” Erza said immediately and Wendy added: “That's what you should for your guild mates!” Juvia smiled a very thin, but seemingly genuine smile: “Then you have to trust that Juvia knows what she is doing.” Erza let her mouth fall open a little and Gray too was a little impressed how well Juvia had set that up. Then, to his complete shock, her eyes fell directly to him again. “Gray trusts Juvia too, right?” she asked. He wanted to rip his mouth open and tell her that while yes, he had trust in her he still didn’t want her to shoulder any burden alone. That part of why they had worked in a team was because they did it all together, in the Battle of the Guild, on Tenroujima and on jobs. That she should share with him what was on her mind, what made her leave and if it was his fault.  Tell me if I can fix this, he wanted to say. Tell me how I can fix this. But since his mouth did not cooperate he just stood there, fingers colder than he’d ever felt them, and nodded a yes. 

[Read more on Ao3]

[clefaiiiry]

can i ask why you didn't like the zed comic? i read all of it but didn't come out of it with any particularly strong feelings other than that it was cool to get more zed backstory!

There's two main things I hate about the Zed comic and then a lot of nitpicky things I dislike.

TL;DR: Buildup and charactersation for Zed is good! Kusho twist is bad, Yevnai is also bad.

Full ramble under the read more,

The twist ending with Kusho actually being alive the whole time is the worst decision they could have made for the story they were trying to tell, in my opinion.

They set up Zed as someone impulsive, he rushes in without thinking because to sit idly while considering course of action only enables more suffering. But in acting so rashly, he only causes greater misery. Zed's characterisation in the first five issues is really strong, it makes him compelling, while also serving to characterise Kayn as the child a man like that would raise.

Zed starts from nothing, is given a good life with a good father that he does not believe he deserves. His own fear and self loathing is what causes the change and friction in his story. That makes him compelling! It makes his conflict with Shen interesting! It makes his parallels with his own son carry weight!

But instead of doing what he does based on a motivation carefully constructed over the course of five comics, Zed does what he does in service to someone else. He loses so much of what makes him interesting by making him a playing piece for Kusho to fuck around with.

Zed didn't do all the things he did because of his martyr complex, because he feels he must carry the stain of sin so others don't have to, he did them because he was told to do them by Kusho.

Killing Kusho is not a cruel, violent murder of someone he loved and respected, it's now an act of redemption to make sure you KNOW Zed is good, no nuance allowed!

It's leaves such a sour aftertaste that I just can't read the comic again without considering how drastically the twist impacts every facet of who we think Zed is. To me, it's not for the better.

Also Yevnai (Yes, I had to look back at the comic to double check her name) is boring and only exists to add conflict for Shen and Zed. You know! Because the conflict they already had wasn't interesting enough! Let's also make it a love triangle! She is not a character, she's a prop, and I hate it!

Nitpick round go:

Making Kusho the secret final boss all along also undermines Jhin as an antagonist, who's reduced to another pawn in Kusho's game of 'let's mess with Zed until he breaks,' or whatever.

According to comments by the author on Reddit, Marvel apparently forced A LOT of content to be cut, including a lot of stuff that would have made Zed far less redeemable. (including him killing Akali's father and innocent vastaya) Now obviously we can't know for certain how this would have panned out, but it's such a shame we didn't get to see the original vision because of creative differences and corporate meddling.

I don't like the art style, this is completely subjective, but it's over rendered and it's kinda ugly sorry.

WHERE IS KENNEN??? WHERE IS MY LITTLE RAT??? WHY IS HE NOT PRESENT? WHAT, IS THE NINJA PIKACHU TOO SILLY FOR YOUR COMIC, MARVEL???

[rainestorm2556]

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted my writing which I promise I still do y’all so enjoy something I wrote in December when I was hyperfixating on AOT:

Levi sat. What more was there to do these days? He could sit. Or he could sit. Of course there was always the option to sit. Ot he could gasp sit! Needless to say the former scout was tired of sitting. He could stand and struggle to walk but with a toddler, two teens, and a wife who was with child that wouldn’t be the best idea. Falco and Gabi were excitable and got Heidi excited easily as well. He and Anselma agreed to take them in and they knew it meant changing the little life they’d grown accustomed to with just them and Heidi, but it was every bit worth it. She loved being a mother and he loved being a father. Their children were a handful and would continue to be a handful but it would be worth it. They knew what they were getting into when they opted to take Gabi and Falco in. That didn’t matter though; neither did the fact that he’d refused to give her a label for so long. Their story had been a tragic one with a happy ending.

They’d met because of Levi’s late friend who was something of a surrogate younger sister to him. Isabel Magnolia. She and Anselma were both bright and bubbly and they shared being skilled in omni directional mobility gear. They could not have grown up more differently. Isabel was abandoned in a dumpster in the Underground and she was left to fend for herself. She would beg, steal, borrow and barter. Anything it took to stay alive. Her only focus was living to see the next day. She had no family; only Levi and Furlan. She was rambunctious and stubborn to a fault. She never doubted herself and always remained self-assured.

Anselma on the other hand? She was born to the immensely wealthy Hart family in the safety of Wall Sina. She never wanted for anything. She had riches galore promised to her from birth and was expected to marry a rich suitor. Her parents were overly attentive and always showing her off to their slimy friends. The men were all a bunch of snobby pigs and the women criticized her every trait to no end. While her parents were attentive it was not because they cared. They just needed to make themselves look good. When she was 21 everything changed.

Enter: Oliver Klaus Hart.

Also known as her little brother. She’d been a scout for seven years at that point. She was already a member of the Special Operations Squad. Around that time Levi came into her life with Isabel and Furlan. They joined the scouts and after getting to know Anselma personally Levi decided to pursue a relationship with her. Isabel was even throwing them a small wedding and it nearly happened.

Then on an expedition Isabel Magnolia and Furlan Church were lost at the hands of the titans. Anselma and Isabel had been best friends so naturally the latter’s death was distressing for the former. She and Levi were both so grief stricken that they decided it would be best for them if instead of proceeding with the wedding as Isabel planned; they called it off and put their plans of marriage on hold for a while. At least until the deaths weren’t so fresh and didn’t hurt as much as they currently did.

Arguments soon arose between the couple due to Levi becoming more closed off than ever before and Anselma not knowing how to handle and interact with this ‘new’ Levi.

The engagement was broken off. They still slept together, went on very occasional dates, and did other couple-y stuff together but they had no label and most certainly did not live together. Anselma was accustomed to people picking up after her and therefore was not very good at cleaning and such whereas Levi was an absolute clean freak and germaphobe. Naturally this would only cause an even bigger rift in whatever it was that defined the sort of relationship the two scouts had.

Then came Eren. With him came lots of loss and hate to admit as hey may, Levi began to fear losing Anselma. She had been in his life for so long after all. The only remaining living person who had been in his life was Erwin. Erwin Smith. Commander of the Scout Regiment after the resignation of Keith Sadies.

There was also the death of Kenny who would turn out to be Levi’s uncle. Needless to say, finding out he was an Ackerman was a surprise. This made him and Mikasa cousins. Blood relatives. It was a weird but not unwelcome change.

After Eren would come his friends and comrades. They all made Levi Squad and he was beginning to grow fond of the little brats. War would follow and though it wouldn’t be easy everything would work out in the end. Levi became half blind and lost some fingers, Hange lost an eye, Erwin lost an arm, Sasha nearly lost her life, Ymir tried letting herself be eaten by Porco, and Levi injured his legs. That didn’t mean that it wasn’t worth it though. Marley, Eldia, and Paradis were all peaceful. The same went for other nations.

During the war came Heidi. A beacon of hope and light during one of the darkest times in Levi’s life. Sure she was a surprise but when Levi found out Anselma was carrying his child he knew he wanted to do right by her.

And so the two were married and shortly after welcomed their daughter: Heidi Kuchel Zoe Ackerman. Kuchel for Levi’s mother, Zoe for Hange who had helped Anselma fill Isabel’s void. He was now a husband and a father. He had a wife. It was strange to think about.

When Heidi was a year old Oliver, who had long since been nicknamed ‘Ollie’ by Anselma, joined the scouts and so he was put on Levi Squad at the request of the titular leader’s wife.

When she was two she traveled with them to Marley and would meet Eren. He grew to like the little girl. Heidi reminded him of an owl and henceforth she was nicknamed by even Levi ‘owlet’.

The war ended with no casualties on the side of those Levi cared about. He and his wife took in two orphaned kids: Falco Grice and Gabi Braun.

Now here they were. Sitting. Handing out candy to children. Anselma’s stomach swelling with an impending life. A son this time. Their second biological child together but fourth overall. Heidi got along well with her new brother and sister and the family of five was excited to soon be six. It would even everything out and after that their little family would be complete. Heidi would soon turn six and start proper schooling while Levi and Anselma ran their tea shop.

They had retired from the scouts just after the war. Luckily though, the regiment no longer had to rely on hefty donations from Anselma’s estranged father because Historia had given them more funding. Much more funding. Levi reached for his cane.

“Papa!” The raven-haired owlet cried out. Levi smiled and gently scooped up Heidi. Perhaps this was where he was always meant to be. He was at home and at peace with his wife and three, almost four, children. In the end everything had worked out.

“We haven’t picked out a name yet, y’know.” His wife smiled as she looked at her ever-swelling stomach.

“Well then let's get to work on naming him!” Gabi piped up.

“Yeah, I’m sure we could find something if we all put our heads together.” Falco added.

“Name!” Heidi cheered.

Levi was happy. He was at peace and content. He had a wife and children. That was something he would have called you crazy for saying he’d have just ten years ago. Now here he was. Everything finally made sense. This was where he was always meant to be. No one knew what would face the Ackerman-Hart-Grice-Baun family next but whatever happened they’d face it together. As a family. Levi was a husband and father and he was okay with that. It made him happy.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Ooh new chapter!

Well, there goes his plan on waiting until he forgets that he's human. Good. Though the thought of Shifting-Sickness is kind of terrifying. It was bad enough when it just meant forgetting your human self, losing that part of yourself, but this is. Well, it makes sense, I guess? You'd lose so much, after all, it would make sense for someone's psyche not to survive that either.

Okay, that's harsh. It's not entirely a lie, but it's very much exagerated and harsh. Like I said, the "tantrum to get his attention again" is, I don't know. It's true that Dabi wants to get his attention again, but calling it a tantrum feels wrong. Especially since he really does want to kill him and is ready to see everything else burn, too.

I'm glad Dabi gets to talk to someone about his past. I'm also glad Stain can give him more information about shifters. It's interesting that Shouto is a shifter as well! I wonder if he knows? I wonder if Rei knows and told him to hide it, too? Not telling them about each other would be cruel, but since they never interact anyway, I could kind of see where the thought is coming from? Hmm.

Ouch. I mean yeah, the situation is messed up and at least Shigaraki should know Dabi is a shifter, but Dabi keeps getting thrown in the deep end, doesn't he? Again and again and again he feels terrible about what is going on. Again and again there are new reasons for him to feel like that.

Dabi is planning on sacrificing himself. Not only to kill his father, but to try and take away some of the pain the League will feel after he dies. He still worries about them so much. He's in love with Shigaraki and it shows. He says he hates that he's being selfish and he tries to make decisions to protect the others but it won't work because he needs to talk to them for that.

I love when Stain and Shigaraki get along. That duo is so funny. Also, I'm glad Shigaraki has someone he can talk to about this stuff.

Oh my god. You didn't. Holy shit, that is one hell of a way for that reveal to go. Of course, Dabi immediately focuses on the important things (like Shigaraki's eyes).

Nobody in this house is normal. Shigaraki doesn't even consider that Dabi might be a spy, he's just fucking terrified of losing Onigiri again. Of losing that first good thing that happened to him.

Well, that's a shift in dynamic. Though I guess I can see why. Dabi just confessed to him and he's definitely pretty and when you think about everything Dabi has been doing under the light that he's human, yeah, okay. Though I'm a bit worried that Shigaraki also did that to keep him. Because he's scared that if he doesn't give Dabi this, he'll leave. Their dynamic is very messy here. I hope they talk about it and work it out once they're no longer this on edge.

Dabi wants to show that he is useful. Oh, the boy wants to do whatever it takes to be able to stay. Also, he really needs to get over the fact that he's colour blind as a cat fast or things are going to be even more awkward. It's already bad enough that he knows way more than he should and that he needs to be careful with what he says (and also that he has had way too little human interaction).

Boyfriend reveal, lol. Dabi is going to have to put the work in to get along with the rest of the League, especially since he really can't interact with Onigiri for that. Stain is an absolute bastard (who wants to make sure at least Shigaraki knows).

Oof, this is a lot. The fact that Shigaraki is absolutely jealous that Stain knee before him hurts, but is understandable. Dabi will have to put in a lot of work before the others accept him. They don't think he's good for Tomura and I can see why, but also that's kinda fucked up.

Aw, they're working out a routine! Also, Shigaraki is absolutely right, Dabi would do absolutely anything if he said it would make him happy. He's such a simp.

Stain is such a menace oh my God. He's going to keep poking at Dabi until he sets someone on fire. Just made a joke about his quirk directly after having a very serious talk. I love this man.

Dabi is trying so, so hard. Especially since the others are already sad about the fact that Onigiri isn't around. Do they think that Dabi and Onigiri don't get along? That would explain at least some of the cold attitude. Or do they think Dabi too was send by AfO? Do they think he's trying too hard? God, Dabi just wants his family to like him :(.

They're bonding! "Their guilty consciences bullied them for me." Is a very funny line.

Mmm very good smut. Pet play and Master kink! It's been a while. Though I can't help but remember that they have thin walls... I guess the others will just have to deal with that.

It's cool that Dabi gets more cat-like urges as a human when he's so out of his head! I'm sure Shigaraki won't mind letting Dabi clean him up some time :).

This chapter sure was a ride! I'm glad Shigaraki knows now, and I'm looking forward to seeing Dabi interact with the rest of the League more! I do wonder, is Shigaraki going to make Dabi the leader for the summercamp job again? How will everyone feel about that? Guess we'll have to wait and see! (Just like Dabi has to wait and see if he ever gets to know Stain's animal form).

Thank you so much!

Stain is definitely harsh, but not everyone is going to look at a revenge plot and think it's something worth dying over no matter what the reason their doing it is. For someone who's entire goal is to change the world through his violence and not let himself be stopped until he's finished with his work and surrenders, Dabi just having the plan to scream his trauma to the world and then immediately go out in a blaze of glory after killing one guy would be pretty pathetic to him

Stain and Shigaraki have such sibling energy in this fic and I'm kind of living for it, supreme bitchiness and effectiveness all at once

NO ONE IN THAT HOUSE IS NORMAL

Dabi and Shig are both a mess throughout this chapter but they are doing their best to figure it out! The League and Stain just to happen to be REALLY not helping as they do.

They do have thin walls :) and I'm sure that won't come back to haunt them at all :)

Thanks for commenting!

[daigina-3]

Passing Notes (in Secrecy)

(A childhood crush to nothing to something fic)

(1/4)

In 7th grade Steve Harrington likes a girl for the first time. Outwardly, he likes girls when it’s convenient. When it gets his friends off his back, when it makes him looks cool.

This new girl at Hawkins Middle, though? The one with the curly brown hair and dimples and flannels that are too big for her? Steve doesn’t like her to be cool or whatever; she’s just for Steve.

But then the new girl Steve likes isn’t actually a new girl at all.

✨Read it on AO3!✨

Steve sees her across the hall.

Or, he sees her hair first, through a thinning crowd of other middle schoolers, running to their lockers or their friends lockers to chat and escape class for a few minutes.

Her hair’s just barely touching her shoulders, curly and dark brown. Just a little fluffy and Steve knows he’s never seen this head of hair before- a new person in a town like Hawkins where no one is new- he keeps staring.

She’s wearing a flannel that’s way too big for her, jeans and a messenger bag slung over her shoulder. There’s lots of little buttons on it, ones Steve can’t make out but he thinks it makes her bag look cool- she has personality. Eclectic (thanks Mr. Donovan for the new vocab word).

She slams her locker closed and turns- Steve just barely catches her face, pretty with her nose scrunched up like she’s mad- before she does a 180 and disappears down the hall.

Steve’s liked lots of girls, publicly. Loudly. He puffs his chest up in front of his friends and says “I dropped my pencil on purpose in Science class and Jennifer gave it back to me,” he smiles, smug as his guy friends look on. “Works every time. She’s into me.”

He was totally bullshitting, of course. He’d dropped his pencil on accident. But Tommy teased him about crushing on Jennifer- made some gross comment about her changing during PE- and Steve hated the little shriveling feeling he got in his stomach when Tommy made jokes about that stuff. Embarrassment. Shame- liking people was shameful- or, no, being lame, being unpopular, being undatable and shy around girls was shameful.

(Years later, Steve would scoff at his seventh grade self. The least of his problems.)

So Steve balled up that shriveling little feeling in his gut and clenched it right, took control. Actually, hadn’t Tommy heard? Steve was the master of picking up chicks. He’d played Jennifer like a violin, if violins were easy to play, and now she was hooked.

It kept going- first Jennifer, then Stacy, then Michelle. The second Steve caught even a whiff of his friends about to say something he took control. And yeah, turns out this shit was really like eighty percent confidence because the guys bought it and the girls did too- every one of them blushed and turned to look at their friends when Steve passed them by in the hallways. He was a chick magnet- the most badass chick magnet seventh grader you’d ever met, the way he told it.

When people were watching, anyway. When they weren’t, well. He guesses he’d liked Jennifer and the rest of them enough but he really couldn’t have cared less. They were fine. They were cool. But even if they were cool, the pressure of girls was way more trouble than it was worth.

But Steve sees her- and suddenly, he has his first private crush. A little feeling nudges it’s way into his chest. A little pinch in his heart when he sees her in the cafeteria or at her locker. And this is just for him.

For the first time, without anyone around, Steve likes a girl.

He doesn’t have any classes with her- wouldn’t dare ask any of his friends about her. He wants to keep this little feeling, this fragile thing in his chest, just for him. He won’t let anyone else ruin it.

He hears her laugh at something a teachers says- and it’s so cute. He noticies when she tucks her curly hair behind one ear- and she’s so pretty. He sees her eat alone at lunch and and wants to sit with her, pauses in the middle of the cafeteria- maybe-

“Hey, Steve,” Carol calls in the other direction. Tommy H and the others- Brian, Isaac, the whole gang are waiting.

Steve joins them, dragging his sneakers so they squeak on the linoleum in quiet dejection, mostly tunes out when his friends talk about some weirdo boy in Carol’s class who draws freaky pictures in his textbook and maybe is starting a cult.

He sees her name, kind of. Written sloppy on the paper she’s got crushed in her hands- a B on some math homework- he reads ELLIE MUNSON.

Ellie Munson. It’s cute. Ellie. Ellie.

He tucks the name away next to the little feeling in his chest.

Ellie.

*

A week later, he has a note written up. A little torn out piece of notebook paper, folded up into eighths in the breast pocket of his jacket. Right next to the tucked away little feeling in his heart and the tucked away Ellie . Ellie and the little feeling and the note squeeze in his chest, tight. He gets on the bus- it won’t take him home, but it’s the bus he knows Ellie will be riding because he told his mom he had to stay after school the day before so he could scope out the bus pick up- and she’s not there.

He stands at the front, in between two of the cheap bus seats, looking for her curly brown hair. He keeps going over every row, every mop of hair in every seat until he accepts that she’s not there and kids are pushing at him from behind- he drags his feet to the back of the bus and plops down in a free seat.

He takes out the little folded up paper and fiddles with it in his fingers. He pouts, looks out the window, feels the nerves drain out of him slow and sad.

Another day.

Thump .

Someone plops down next to him and Steve’s little pinch in his chest becomes a choke hold because holy shit it’s her. It’s her.

She’s got her Walkman in her ears, old and taped together with some stickers on it. She’s not paying Steve any mind, almost trained in the way she’s not looking at him; lost in the chaotic music turned up so high he can hear it loud and clear next to her, though he doesn’t know what it is.

Up close, she has the faintest hint of freckles on her cheeks. Steve’s never thought a nose could be cute before but hers is and her eyes are so big and round- he takes her in in sneaking glances, his cheeks warm.

They pass by three stops before Steve kicks himself. He doesn’t know when she gets off but he can’t miss it now. He can’t.

He turns his body- frozen stiff- towards her, their knees just an inch apart, and thanks god for the private bubble made by an entire bus of kids talking over each other so loud that no one would hear them even if they tried.

He clutches the note in his hand.

“Uh- Hi- Ellie?”

She doesn’t hear him at first, still ignoring him and staring at nothing like she’s a trained pro. Steve repeats himself but ends up tapping her on the shoulder and she jumps like she only just noticed him.

“…yeah?” She mumbles, quiet.

Steve doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t plan this far ahead- sit next to the pretty girl, give her the note, hope she says yes. But what does he say ?

“I, uh. Your hair is real pretty.” It’s not his best move- but other girls love compliments. Steve had called Natalie H’s eyes cute once and she had kissed him on the cheek. So maybe..

Ellie just blank faces him, looks a little confused. Offended, maybe?

Steve panics a little.

He has no idea where to go from here, so with his heart in his throat and his little tucked away feeling blown up to the size of a hot air balloon in his chest, Steve takes the little note folded up in eighths and thrusts it towards Ellie, his arms stiff.

She stares at him for four agonizing seconds before taking it.

And the note is about as elegant as the China-glass-fragile ego of a seventh grade boy will allow- which is to say, Steve had written, using his best pen in very careful handwriting:

Ellie,

Hi. I’m Steve. You’re a really cool girl. I like you. Will you go out with me?

[_] YES or [_]NO

Steve

Steve watches her, his lips pressed together in a thin line, the hot hair balloon in his chest ready to explode.

“You don’t have to answer now,” he manages to get out- is praying she’ll smile and slip it in her pocket. Maybe sit a little closer to him on the bus seat and share her headphones.

Her eyebrows knit together.

Her lips purse in a sour frown.

She looks at Steve like he’s something nasty stuck to her shoe.

Steve has never felt more scared.

“Is this a joke ? You’re not fucking funny,” Ellie spits, her voice is poison, it’s anger, she hates Steve and he doesn’t understand. Can’t wrap his mind around it and the feeling in his chest that got so big, that choke hold that was so tight- it’s going for the kill.

“No- no, I-“

“I told your dumb friends- I’m not a girl,” she snarls and balls the paper up in her hand.

“Wait- huh? No-“

And Steve sees it. Holy shit, holy shit- how could he be so dumb? The way his shoulders were just a little bit wider, the way his eyebrows were just a little bit unruly, not like the other girls in school- his voice, Steve had thought it was just a little scratchy for a girl but no. No.

Steve looks Ellie over and he’s not Ellie at all. On his messenger bag at between them, among the little buttons and pins a hand-sewn on patch says EDDIE in big bold letters.

Eddie Munson was not a girl.

Steve screams- not because Eddie but because he has so many things he wants to say all at once- I’m sorry I didn’t know and I didn’t know and it’s fine I don’t care I’m sorry and it wasn’t a joke I wouldn’t joke about that and I didn’t mean it- and I’m sorry-

And eventually he does. His face beat-red, he rushes to explain himself and then calms down and actually explains himself- and apologize- and apologize again.

Eddie- Eddie, not Ellie- side eyes him, weary. He looks from the note balled up in his hand to Steve and back again. “I’m.. not gay,” he mutters.

“No! No, me neither,” Steve rushes to agree. And he’s not. Eddie just.. really looked like a pretty girl. So obviously now that he’s not a pretty girl, Steve doesn’t like him. Duh.

“It’s the hair,” Eddie says. “People always call me ‘little girl’ when they see me from behind.” Steve agrees, laughs stiffly.

“So- we don’t have to, like, tell anyone about this.. it was a.. misunderstanding. I’m sorry,” Steve says for the hundredth time.

Eddie shakes his head, tells Steve it’s okay- he’s sorry, too, for snapping- but there’s some assholes around school getting on his case, so. He assumed Steve was, too.

“Tommy,” Steve supplies and Eddie nods. Adds ‘and Carol’ and Steve grimaces. They both know Steve knows Tommy and Carol. Their friend group is no secret. “Yeah, they can be.. I get it.”

And he does get it. He gets that whatever Carol and Tommy have been saying to Eddie or about Eddie that it fucking sucks and if they knew.. Steve doesn’t want to think about it.

(For him or for Eddie.)

So he and Eddie promise- this stays between them. Eddie seems to understand that Steve- well, he doesn’t have to say it and Eddie just gets it, gets what he wants to say. And Steve kind of thinks he gets Eddie, too.

And they give each other these smiles- careful, small smiles.

The bus lurches to a stop, just outside of Forest Hills trailer park and Eddie stands up slow, letting a few kids behind him go first. “This is me,” he says. “See you around.. Steve.”

“Uhh, yeah. Bye.. Eddie.”

Eddie shuffles down the middle of the bus and hops off the last step onto the pavement. He pretends to fiddle with his messenger bag, but Steve sees him sneak a glance up at the bus, right at the window where Steve is sitting Steve knows Eddie is looking because he’s looking too- until they lock eyes and simultaneously just about jump out of their skin, pretending they were doing anything but watching the other.

-

Steve wakes up nervous. His mom drops him off and he spends the whole car ride and the walk to his locker wondering if he’ll see Eddie. Will it be weird? He thinks of Eddie avoiding him- the weird guy who asked another guy out- and wants to hide a little.

It’s not that weird, though. He thought Eddie was Ellie- so it doesn’t mean anything. Now that he knows Eddie is Eddie, he doesn’t want to go out with him, obviously. So there’s literally nothing weird about it.

It continues to feel weird, though.

He’s walking to first period, reading over the homework he only half did, when he sees Eddie. It doesn’t feel weird when Steve actually sees him.

He wonders if he’s allowed to say something- he doesn’t have anything to say, he just wants to talk. Ask him if he got home okay or show him his stupid homework and see if he could get some help on number six, cause it was a bitch.

Maybe if they have an actual conversation after the disaster on the bus, Steve won’t feel as anxious as he has anymore. Maybe it’s because he’s talked to Eddie but he’s still thinking of her- of him- as Ellie.

Maybe if they have a conversation, they could be actual friends. Even if he’s not a girl, Eddie’s still kinda cool. They could hang out and listen to music on weekends or Steve could show Eddie his pool; other kids love his pool!

He has no idea what to say- just that it has to be something- but when he smiles and goes to say “hi” or “I like your shirt,” Eddie only waves and they both keep walking.

Steve keeps thinking about talking to him; maybe he can just go up to him at his locker and say hi like they’re already friends? Maybe if he asks a question, like about the buttons on Eddie’s bag? Steve tosses around the idea of asking to sit with him at lunch but shoots that down, fast. Sitting with someone at lunch is serious business, it’s not something done right out the gate.

He’s still thinking about it when Tommy and Carol corner him at his locker in third period.

“Is it true?” Carol almost throws herself into the locker next to Steve, leaning on it like it’s a life preserver.

“Is… what true?”

She scoffs and looks at Tommy in that giddy way she does when she has something juicy to talk about. “Jason told Michelle you and that weirdo in my advanced algebra class were sitting together on the bus yesterday. Michelle said that you asked him out. ”

Steve feels his stomach drop. Oh god. Oh god, oh god.

Carol’s smile is sharp and she looks curious- but in a way where she’s trying to see if Steve’s edible or not. If she can rip him apart.

She always did remind him of a hyena, like the ones on Animal Planet.

“Are you, like, a homo?” Carol asks, delighted.

“ No !” The denial comes up so fast and so violently that it kind of feels like vomiting. “Carol, what the fuck?”

And then he says something he knows is fucked up. But with Carol and Tommy’s eyes on him, one looking starving and the other disgusted, he doesn’t see any other way out. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he’s going to regret them.

“That kid on the bus? That was just a joke. He sat next to me and I was like ‘what the fuck?’ I mean, you can’t even tell if it’s a boy or a girl. I was going to tell you about it at lunch, I knew you’d think it was funny.”

Steve sees Tommy’s shoulders relax a little and Carol’s face goes from gleeful to ecstatic and he knows he’s safe.

“Oh, Jesus, Steve,” Tommy exhales like Steve was just pulled from a burning bus. “You really had us worried. I thought I’d have to start changing in the bathroom during PE.”

“Oh my God, but I bet that weirdo Munson is gay. The poor eighth graders. I bet that creep stares at everyone’s butts when they change. Do you think we should tell the PE teacher?” Carol giggles.

Tommy shrugs like he might consider it. “My dad says that’s where they get you. The homos. In the locker room or the bathroom, right when you got your pants around your ankles.”

“Euuugh- It’s a miracle he didn’t, like, grab your ass, Steve! Imagine!”

Steve laughs with them, pretending to shiver in disgust.

He’s safe. Safe was supposed to feel good, wasn’t it? But all Steve feels is sick.

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

The Jealousy of Dieter Bravo

(Dieter Bravo x horror lover female reader)

Summary: Back in the world with horror loving reader, Dieter gets jealous when you start working with a hot new actor

Check out masterlist here

Warning: Dieter being grumpy, some swearing, a cookie gets sacrificed

Notes: Reader is Australian but not the stereotypical sort

Dieter Bravo hated a lot of people; people in general were stupid, fake, and self-centred. Up and coming actor Jagar Aldritch was the latest person on his list of people he hated. His totally non-biased opinion of the hip new actor was that that he was a pretentious prick.

He generally avoided reading any type of media relating about other actors, especially this jerk, except for this one article. Only because it was about a film you were working on: Hyde Away with Dr. J was a new modern take on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This stupid actor with an even stupider name spent the whole article waffling on about going all method. Dieter thought actors who went method were compensating for something.

“I struggled with the juxtaposition of the duality of the character but managed to adhere to the contrast of man and monster”

What the fuck did that mean? And not once did he mention the hours of sitting in the makeup chair while you worked your magic to create half his character. Total prick.

Dieter just happened to be visiting on set for the last day of filming. He was planning to surprise you with a little celebration, and actual celebration of dinner at a nice restaurant, not his normal celebration. He grumbled around looking for you, then he heard your beautiful laughter.

You were there with that prick, being absolutely professional, wiping your elaborate makeup off his stupid chiselled face.

 “And there we go! No more being stuck under a mask anymore!”

Damn it, you were being a ray of sunshine while that idiot flashed his probably veneered teeth at you.

“Thank you. So much”

How dare he hold your hands in his. Dieter had bigger hands.

“You made those hours in the chair feel transcendent”

“I was just doing my job”

“I feel we had a good rapport going, just wondering if you’d…”

Dieter immediately feigned a coughing fit, interrupting whatever that prick was propositioning.

“Dieter! What are you doing here!”

“I came to take you out to dinner. To celebrate”

Your arms went around his waist and gave him a quick kiss.

“Aw, you’re so sweet!”

“Yeah, I’m an amazing boyfriend to my wonderful, hugely talented girlfriend”

He may have said that a bit too firmly. And his arm was very firmly around your waist.

You quipped in before the biting match began.

“Do you two know each other?”

“Just through our agent”

The testosterone was so thick you could spread it like butter on toast.

“I guess I’ll see you at the premiere then!”

That prick known as Jagar Aldritch then grabbed a cookie out of your Tupperware, took a small bite and waived it as he walked away.

Dieter glared after him, just to make sure that prick didn’t think of coming back. You decided to start putting your stuff away.

“Dieter, do you want to help me?”

That stopped his angry glaring. He might as well be the amazing boyfriend he claimed he was. He actually proved very helpful, although he did everything with a grumpy pout on your face. Once everything was put away, you decided to address the grumpy elephant in the room.

“Dieter, are you jealous of Mr. Aldritch?”

“What? No” he scoffed.

You looked at him the way a schoolteacher looked at a naughty schoolboy.

“Dieter Bravo, you may be an award-winning actor, but you are a terrible liar”

He hangs his head; he felt scolded.

“Okay maybe. You were being nice to him”

“I’m nice to everyone”

“He’s a pretentious prick!”

“Yes, I know”

He perked his head up.

“You do?”

“Of course, it’s obvious. He asked if I was Australian but then proceeded to go on about all the beaches he visited, and I’ve been to none of them, and he pronounced a bunch of them wrong. And I clearly put in more research into his character than he did. Did you know he hasn’t even read the book? Didn’t want it to interfere with his character or something”

Your angry ministrations were stirring something in him.

“You know, you’re sexy when you rant”

“I could go on for hours!”

“Please do”

“No, not now, I’m hungry. Can we go eat?”

He would have to remember to bring the subject up later tonight. He moved to help you grab your stuff. Picking up your Tupperware he had that glare again.

“Can’t believe that prick ate one of your cookies”

“Don’t worry, he only takes a bite to show off, then throws the rest out in the trash”

“He WHAT?!”

“It’s not that big of a deal”

Oh, it was a big deal. No one throws out a delicious cookie made by an equally delicious woman. That cookie was a work of heavenly bliss, and he was going out for the hunt!

Dieter stormed off.

“Dieter, no! No, don’t you dare. Don’t even think about it. Don’t you dare eat that trash cookie!”

[hot-take-tournament]

HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT!

PRELIMINARY #242

Submission 51

Balloon Boy is a good character and does not deserve hate.

I would like to be very vulnerable despite my anonymity and put forward a letter of sorts I wrote to the FNAF community when I was around 13-14 years old and even less medicated than I am now. I never posted this letter anywhere and it has sat in an old kids' PDF book creator app on my iPad for almost ten years. It's cringe. It's dumb. I was frustrated with a community I was hardly a part of. But even today I still don't think Balloon Boy is as terrible as the fandom made (and still makes) him out to be. Maybe I'm just more resistant to repetitive sounds, I dunno. He was a major comfort character for me, for whatever reason, so I must confess my continued bias. The following is that weird manifesto I wrote in a "fit of annoyance."

And I quote,

"A message to all Balloon Boy haters: We're the ones that know true sympathy. Of course, there ARE the ones who are truly evil, but then there are the ones that did not realize their wrong until it was too late. You, my fellow FNAF lovers, still have much to learn... Sure, you can say that you are not fond of a certain object, place or person, a noun, but that does not mean that you must tell the world in great detail. Saying it once or twice, okay, now the ones you've told know you don't like who, what or where. But if you keep bringing it up, that can lead to loneliness. Abandonment even. We all have our differences. This is true, and I respect all of that. But just because there's a divide doesn't necessarily make us different. We all have opinions. But just because it's your opinion doesn't make it a universal fact. Respect the other peoples opinions. 'WHAT???!! How can you like that??!!!' Try not to ask questions like that with so much intensity. A simple 'Why?' can suffice. Don't go into detail. Once you learn the reasons of the opinion, then maybe you can understand our sympathy.

It's not just because he's 'cute' or whatever. Think of if he had feelings. Sure, you can say 'But he's just a fictional character! Stop sympathizing!' but that would rule out your opinion too. By saying we cannot sympathize because he is not a real person, you basically have to cancel out any emotion directed toward him except neutrality BECAUSE YOU JUST SAID HE IS FICTIONAL. If he is truly fictional, then we cannot have any type of feelings whatsoever towards him, whether love or hate. Everyone has their faults. Just because someone is annoying does not mean they are evil and the devil. Being annoying isn't really evil. Think if he was the actual one to kill you. Sure, they could be intentionally annoying just to irritate someone, and do it a lot, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are evil. I respect everyone's opinion, and I am not aiming to convert everyone to respecting BB, but at least give him some credit. He does his job, doesn't he? If you hate him, alright, that's fine, but it's not very courteous or friendly to make a big deal of it and shun us BB lovers. Your opinions are opinions, not facts. I will admit, BB can be annoying, but at least feel sympathy a little and respect everyone's different opinion. Also, just because I view stuff where BB is considered 'part of the illuminati' or 'the enragement child' doesn't mean I'm a BB hater myself. I take those remarks as JOKES. Even if I'm wrong, I make it seem to myself that those people aren't hating Balloon Boy, they just found aspects of him to fit into certain jokes that would be considered humorous.

Thank you."

Obviously I was incredibly dramatic. I was waxing poetic to hundreds of thousands of people who would never read my words. I don't think it would have changed anything in the fandom and I probably would have been kys'd off the internet, so it's probably good I didn't post it anywhere. I didn't even have any proper social media past Google+ at the time anyway. Do I still agree with my younger self? For the most part, yeah! Their wording left something to be desired, obviously. I don't think "We're the ones that know true sympathy," is all that impactful even if it sounds fancy. It's just fandom drama, younger me. I wasn't wrong, though! The hate towards Balloon Boy due to his game mechanic and annoying laugh was incredibly blown out of proportion. In FNAF fandom culture at the time he was almost only ever characterized as The Worst Child Ever(tm) and bullied to all hell even though his characterization was next to none...just like every other animatronic, really. Maybe that's just a general fandom problem, but I digress. He could have still been the annoying kid without becoming the antichrist or whatever.

Balloon Boy is a cute little kid who happens to be a troublemaker, basically. That's all he is. Maybe calm down and lessen up on animating Freddy smashing this poor kid's head into the wall in SFM, I dunno.

Sorry it took so long for me to post this. I know it takes guts to be vulnerable on the internet, even anonymously <3

Propaganda is always encouraged!

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