WIP Wednesday
(We’re pretending it’s not 3am on a Thursday, shhhhhhhh)
“Come on Sammy.” Dean sighed, resting a hand on his disgruntled brother’s neck. Sam shrugged his shoulders half-heartedly, not enough to shrug off the hand. “We’ll go out, and look around when we’re done. Okay?”
“Yea Dean, sure.” Sam nodded, giving Dean a small smile before pulling out a small box from the car. “Sounds good.” Dean smiled, following suit.
The trio worked quietly, moving boxes through the house. Picking out rooms, the boys settled on the second floor, John’s on the first. It was easy, even if the tension was still there. It wasn’t long before John tapped out, leaving to check in with a mechanic job he had ready to start once they moved.
Dean sighed, glancing around the empty home. The place was bare even with it being pre-furnished. It didn’t feel like it would ever become home, not like his childhood home, not like Bobby’s home did. Still, the least Dean could do was try to make things easier for Sam. A sigh escaped the teen, as he glanced towards the door.
John helped clear out the impala, leaving the boxes on the driveway before he left. Sam was still working with Dean to bring the boxes in, only complaining slightly which the older teen appreciated. The debate stands on whether the two should unpack the boxes first, or go out into town. He figured he had enough in his wallet to treat Sammy to a diner.
“Dean?” Sam’s voice called from the front lawn, pulling Dean out of his thoughts. The teen’s eyebrows furrowed, quickly moving through the door frame and taking in the sight before him. Sam was standing closer to the house, and a box settled at his feet. A man was smiling at him, a younger man, maybe his son, stood next to him.
“Can we help you?” Dean asked, taking a stand in front of Sam. The man nodded, holding out a filled brown paper bag.
“Hello, my name is Chuck Novak. I live just across the street from you.” The man, Chuck, motioned towards the house diagonal from theirs. “This is my son, Michael, we’re just stopping by to greet the new neighbors.”
“My sister Anna baked banana bread as a welcome.” Michael spoke up, his posture just as perfect as his father. Which left Dean a little suspicious, it wasn’t until then that he realized Chuck was a priest. “I hope you have no allergies.”
“Uh, thanks.” Dean nodded, taking the bag from the man. “I’m Dean, this is my brother Sam. Our dad’s taking a trip to his new job.”
“Hopefully we can have a better introduction soon, I’m on my way to my church.” Chuck spoke, motioning towards his simple dark car behind him. “I hope to see you three there sometime?”
“Our dad said we’re attending Thursdays.” Sam spoke up, watching the two with a careful eye.
“Perfect. Until next time.” Dean watched the men leave, something in his gut told him this wasn’t right. Something about them rubbed him the wrong way.
“I don’t like them.” Sam mumbled, picking up the forgotten box from the ground. “I don’t care what treats they bring.” Dean couldn’t help but smile at that, a little proud that his baby brother followed his own gut.
“Don’t worry Sammy, I don’t either.” Dean rustled Sam’s hair, ignoring the swat as his hand and reminder that his name is just Sam. “But hey, free banana Bread.” Dean grinned, glancing back at his brother he followed him into the new house.
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Thinking about how Apotheosis starts by showing a world that’s already grim - dark fantasy with wealth inequality and bored or absent gods - and it only gets worse, following a band of god slayers who start more like villains than anything. A world without sun, without justice. But still the core of its message is that there is still hope, even if you have to make it and care for it yourself. That there cannot be joy or love without the contrast of misery and loss, and that even a world slighted by the gods has worth because of the people that inhabit it. It’s dark with people and gods alike who hurt others for no reason other than to serve their own purpose, or worse just out of boredom - but there’s people who help others, too, for no other reason than for the act of kindness itself. No thought behind it, simply compassion. It feels doomed from start to finish, yet somehow we still get a happy ending - a world that’s lost everything only has everything to gain, and because there is great suffering this means the brighter times are that much more meaningful. It’s like in Lord of the Rings - there will be hope and love in spite of it all, and it’s the small things that end up making the biggest difference. It’s very “there’s still good in this world, Mr. Frodo - and it’s worth fighting for”
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i cannot recall a point in this life when "dante" did not chase after "vergil",
and i never wished for such a time to come.
nevertheless,
maybe after a bottle, or two, or twenty,
i stare out into that void,
i failed.
you fell.
my first, my last, my only.
and i drown everything alongside the hazy memories of our fleeting youth.
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i don't like my art. i see what it lacks and i see my limited range. i'm not sure why do i keep trying to work on it. i don't know what it does for me. it doesn't feel like expression of creativity or imagination. i don't even do it the way i admire in art by my favorite artists. does it feel joyful or fun, the activity of it? i don't think it does. so i don't know if trying to "perfect it" is even a good goal. apart from never being satisfied from the work currently being done because of the unreachable goal it's also just... for what. so i can do something technically okay but also just soulless?
one thing that i can say is more of a positive effect is that doing art staves off the state of anxiety and guilt over not trying to do it. i guess it's better to just do something over feeling sick over not doing it and cursing oneself for not improving and your hand forgetting how to move.
there's another aspect that was always difficult for me to grasp but... there are artisans. like making things for the sake of making something that looks nice and not just serves the intended function is something people have been doing forever. things like working with patterns too. tattoos. and i can't internalize it for myself that doing things for the sake of it being pretty is fine too. because then maybe i could like i don't know, put my being mostly fixated on faces into other work...
i don't know how to unclog myself.
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