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seumyo · 29 days

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OMGGG CONGRATS ON 1K EUMY MY LOVE!!! im beyond words that describe happy for u ur such a sweetheart u deserve it sm<3 I SAW THE SCRAPBOOKS POST AND ID LOVE A SHOTO TODOROKI ONE!!!! 💗

im an enfp so im a loud extrovert, and i try to make sure ppl dont feel awkward or embarrassed around me bc im 10x worse HAHA 😭 i have insane attachment issues like i was crying so hard when my friend ignored me for a day. big lover with big emotions, hopefully that counts as an emotional intelligent person hehe<3

i am also a complete art kid and i never stop drawing, im also in choir and stage band so im basically all of the above (except sports. does watching haikyuu count?🤔) HAHAHAHA

id love a little description about our dynamic or something!!🥹 and be free w ur colour palette and do what u think deems best 🗣️!!! a song would be velvet ring by big thief, one of my favs rn<3

THANK USM EUMY UR THE SWEETEST AND ONCE AGAIN CONGRATUALTIONS ON THAT DESERVED 1K!!!

ᯓ★ SHOTO + SAKU!

★ Todoroki Shouto hated did not like you at first. The first time you two met in U.A., not once did he glance in your direction. Don’t take it too personally, he’s battling inner turmoil stemming from his complicated family life and upbringing.

★ Skipping to when he does warm up to the rest of the class, he still keeps his distance from them as he tries to test the waters. Now, you, dear Saku, are the first to invite him to have lunch together via the crumpled paper you left on his desk during free period (he almost threw it in the trash, but he telephatically felt your distress thought it might contain something important, so he decided to read it). He accepts, of course.

★ Lunch together was awkward, but Todoroki appreciates your effort to fill in his shortcomings in the conversation. So to say, he just listens to you while you ramble about anything and everything.

★ When he gets home that night, he definitely tells Fuyumi that someone invited him to eat together at lunch, and that it was nice. He doesn’t realize that he kept your note neatly folded in his wallet.

★ Do you know the concept of personal space? Todoroki does not. Whenever you’re doing something, whether it’s doodling or writing notes, he will peer over and check whatever it is that you’re doing. Completely unaware that he, too, has attachment issues (trust).

★ “Am I too close? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice.” And you guys were inches from kissing each other!

★ Romantically, it takes him a long time to understand that what he was feeling is clearly not platonic anymore. But when he does realize thus, he skips the steps in his head and wants to spend the rest of his days with you (you’re not even dating yet, and he’s already thinking of the future ten years later). Todoroki’s hesitant to engage in a romantic relationship because he thinks that you deserve someone who wouldn’t hesitate to court you and love you openly (he’s worried that he’ll end up like his father).

★ The initial dynamic is someone who talks a lot and the other listens (with the most lovestruck eyes yet still unnoticeable). When you do get into a relationship, he’ll still treat you just like when you were friends, but with a bit more effort to show you how much he cares. Acts of service & Quality Time are his love languages. This man is your ride-or-die forever and would go through lengths just to spend time with you (cue to Todoroki just appearing by your side whenever you’re not busy).

★ Whenever Todoroki talks to other people, it’ll always be, “Oh, where are Saku and the others?” You will always be the first person that comes out of his mouth, an unconscious habit of his.

★ Matching bag charms, candid photos (of him, mostly), handwritten notes that are passed to each other during class, enjoying each other’s company even if you two are just walking to the cafeteria together or him waiting for you to tie your shoelaces (he does them himself further into the relationship), finding out that Todoroki kept most of the things you gave him (especially your little notes and doodles), and the tips of his ears turn a bit reddish whenever he’s flustered—and you’re the only one to notice because it only happens when he’s with you.

#‹ 📓 ⸝⸝#“little description” proceeds to write a whole drabble-ish fic #I GOT CARRIED AWAY SAKU I’M SORRY (not)#saku and todoroki oml i shall die on this hill happily #the otp that had me rolling in my bed #i yapped too close to the sun i fear (deserved)#𓏲ׂ 📮₊˚ʾʾ #𓏲ׂ from: sweetheartsaku₊˚ʾʾ

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peachy-hk · 4 years

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hello hello let me send an angst req real quick. arranged marriage w sakusa (or akaashi or ushijima, u choose if u dont write for the other ones) where the reader was in love w him and he hates the idea of the marriage so always leashes out on their s/o and by the time he realized that he loves them too etc its too late. or just do wtv u want i need sumn arranged marriage angst rn. like yk extremely angst - 🐰

OH MY GOD??? Pls this request itself made me sad kdjsksks. Forgive me if I don’t do it justice but just know your request is a work of art 🥴🥴 and also?? did I just get my first anon????? AH???? 🐰 anon will forever be engraved in my brain kjsdhkfjk

anymore.- Sakusa Kiyoomi X Reader

in which your husband to be doesn’t realize he loves you until after you’re gone.

Warnings: Fem reader! Cursing. (Reader x Osamu near the end). Manga spoilers! (Sakusa, Osamu, and Atsumu.)

Word Count: 1.4K

Sakusa Kiyoomi had never really put thought into getting married. To him, marriage was something he would probably never do. Not because he hated the idea of it, but because he never thought he’d find the right person to settle down with. Chances were he was never going to get married. He knew that, his parents knew that, hell even his friends knew that. So why was he sitting across from you, in a room with both of your parents, being told that the two of you would be getting married? He didn’t know.

In all honesty, Kiyoomi had already planned his life out. Getting married to you was not part of that plan. You were just an obstacle in his life plan. A nail when all he had was a screwdriver. He didn’t hate you. To be honest he didn’t even think you were a bad person. But every time he saw you, he was reminded of the fact that he would have to get married to you. The fact that he’d have to settle down and start a family. All of it angered him. Even though he didn’t hate you as a person, he hated that you would get in the way of his future career in volleyball.

You weren’t marrying him for the money. Your family lived a comfortable life, not extremely rich but not dirt poor either. The reason you were getting married to him was to make both of your parents happy.

You had quickly come to love the curly black haired man. The way he showed such love and dedication for volleyball. How he had his morals and stuck by them. The way he smiled when talking to his teammates (a rare but beautiful sight). All of these things you had managed to pick up by going to a couple of his games. Other things like how he acted around the people he loved, or his cute habits were things you learned from tea afternoons with his mother. You knew he didn’t like you, but you had hoped that he would grow to love you eventually.

Waiting for him to love you was painful of course. Skipped dinners, dates that he didn’t show up to, nights where he didn’t even come home to the shared house the two of you had moved into. You slept in different rooms, but it hurt to know he was out somewhere and preferred being there than in the same house as you. Then again, it wasn’t like he would talk to you even if he was home. If you had tried to start any type of conversation with him, it would be dry and short. If you kept pushing for a conversation, it would become an argument.

“Why don’t you ever want to talk to me?”

“Why don’t I talk to you?” He spoke sharply, the tone of his voice was harsh and cold. “I don’t talk to you because you’ve basically ruined my life. All you’ve done since I met you was side track my life. You're useless. I have no reason to get married to you. You don’t help me achieve anything, hell you don’t even support my volleyball career. All you do is ask me stupid questions because you want to talk. TAKE A HINT GOD DAMNIT, HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?”

Every fight was the same. It was always “you’re useless”, “you don’t support me.” and “you ruined my life” along with lots of cuss words thrown in the mix. You had gotten used to the arguments. Was arguments even the right word? It was one sided, the constant throwing of insults and harsh words at you, but they were never returned to him. You didn’t have the heart to speak to him like that. You loved him after all.

“I’m calling off the wedding.” You say to him. The two of you are sitting across from each other in the dining room of your rather luxurious house. “What?” He says. Finally looking you in the eyes for the first time in weeks. He sets his tall glass of water on the table, waiting for you to say more. “I’m calling off the wedding.” You say again. You don’t understand the look of confusion on his face, he’s the one that wants this way more than you do. “I’ve spoken to both our parents on our behalf, I told them things weren’t working, they are not pleased, but they understand our decision.”

“Our decision?”

“Yes Sakusa. Our decision.”

“I supported you and your volleyball career. I chose to love you even when you didn’t love me back. I chose to put up with your childish tantrums because you were mad. And about what? The fact that your parents want you to settle down? The fact that your parents wanted you to have somebody to carry out your volleyball legacy? All you’ve done is push me away. I’m done putting up with your bullshit Kiyoomi.”

It had been three months since you had called off your engagement with Kiyoomi. The first few weeks after it was hell for the two of you. You had gone back and forth from regretting your decision to being glad that you had done it.

Your relationship with Kiyoomi was horrible. It was bad for me and my mental health. I don’t need him. I’m better off alone.

but he wasn’t.

After you left him he started thinking about you. It didn’t make sense to him, the marriage was arranged so how could you just call it off like it was nothing?? How could you spend months trying to get to know him, trying to get him to have the slightest liking in you, to just toss him like a piece of garbage?

he didn’t understand.

He began to miss the way you would sing in you shower. He wondered if you knew he could hear you, but he never cared to bring it up. He opted to listen to the melodies you’d sing, never getting through a full song before starting to sing a new one.

When he’d wake up in the morning, he’d be reminded of you. The lack of breakfast in the kitchen, the wilting or already dead flowers in the hallway. He didn’t have the heart to throw the flowers away, remembering how you had rambled to yourself about how they were your favourite when you thought he wasn’t listening. Everything reminded him of you. And yet, he still didn’t know why.

He was the one that was constantly yelling at you. He was the one that didn’t want to get married to you. He was the one that saw you as an obstacle, one to over come instead of embracing. He was the one who pushed you away, when all you wanted was to get closer to him.

And he was the one that missed you.

5 months after you left Kiyoomi, he finds out you’re getting married to a certain silver haired twin from a certain blonde haired twin. According to Atsumu, you and Osamu had been friends for years. Atsumu had mentioned that you were often helping at Onigiri Miya when Osamu needed more people to work.

He feels conflicted.

He knows that life isn’t like a romance story. He knows that showing up at your wedding and telling you to marry him instead won’t work. He knew that if he ran into you in the middle of the street you wouldn’t go for coffee with him. Nothing works like that. And yet, he still wants to try.

Life doesn’t work like that.

There he sits in a black three piece suit, siping on the champaign that was poured for the MSBY table minutes earlier. Tonight is a night of celebration. A night where everyone is supposed to be happy for the bride and groom.

But all he feels is regret.

He should be the one dancing with you in the middle of the venue. He should have been the one to put the ring on your finger. The one you say “I do” to, the one the your vows are for. But he isn’t.

He drowns away his feelings in alcohol. He hopes that he’ll wake up and it’ll all be a nightmare. That he’ll wake up to the smell of you making breakfast and fresh flowers in the vases in the house. He wants you to ask him how his day was. He wants to hear the way “Kiyoomi” rolls off your tongue one last time. But he won’t.

You’re not his anymore.

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #sakusa #sakusa x reader #sakusa x y/n #sakusa angst #hq #hq sakusa #hq angst #🐰 anon

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bigskycastle · 3 years

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kinda personal ask but i was wondering (as an artist also posting their art on twt) how do you not have likes/rts amount to how you measure ur art? it gets kinda hard and ive been feeling self conscious about it lately so i was wondering if this is a normal thing or? either way i rlly respect you as an artist and i love the stuff you draw zelda or not!

thank you :-) it’s no worries, i’ll try and articulate this as best i can..

i think its incredibly easy to get pulled into thinking this way, and i do it way more often than i would like to :’) like, objectively you know that likes/rt dont reflect the value of your art, but its still disheartening when you pull low numbers.. i think it’s because it feels almost as though your art was ignored or disregarded by people

but ultimately, social media is just... incredibly fickle n shallow lol. it will always favor content thats easy to digest/relate to. and thats fine! thats kind of what its built for. but it does make it very hard to get your foot in the door as an artist. esp if u don’t do much fanart :’) people don’t generally want to expend the energy it takes to engage with art, especially art thats more personal, or just like... “weird”. that's not even getting into the whole issue of being stuck in obscurity until someone with a larger following decides to share your stuff lol

all this to say.. like.. of course likes/rt dont reflect quality. if they're anything, they're more like.. like how views on a youtube video functions, i guess? if a video has more views, that generally means that: The Algorithm showed it to more people; that it has a flashy/intriguing thumbnail; and probably most importantly, that the content it advertises can appeal to a large demographic. its not a measure of its quality at all. i've watched super high quality niche documentaries and video essays etc., but because they have less mass appeal, they tend to sit below the 50k view threshold. its not a reflection of your value at all, its just a reflection of how well you can cater to what twitter as an..entity wants.

and i think i am pretty good at this! not cuz im such a phenomenal amazing artist, or cuz i try and pander or something, but because the way i draw and the things i enjoy drawing tend to line up pretty well with "what twitter wants”. in this sense im very lucky! i know many artists who genuinely ARE phenomenal and amazing but they might only draw, like, fanart of an obscure videogame from the early 2000s. doesnt make them less good, but you can see why they are less popular.

thats not to say that doing fanart will launch u into popularity or whatever tho. i mean, i posted fanart alongside OC on this blog since like 2016, and only in the past 1-2 years have i gotten much clout. i used to get super excited if any of my posts broke 20 notes. sometimes u just have to draw for yourself, improve your skills at your own pace and maybe hope someday people take notice of you i guess. but still, try to keep in mind that likes/rts dont really.. mean much. i think the thing they're most useful for is purely visibility, which can be useful in trying to get work.... SOMETIMES. (besides that, they're just good at making people irrationally distrust or hate you assuming youre some sort of.. i dont know.. rich industry pro and not a broke teenager lol)

(exhale) i hope this helps somehow lol it kind of turned into a rant about the things i dislike about posting art on socmed. if any other artists want to chip in and say something more coherent thatd be helpful LOL sorry anon. tldr: social media is fake and shallow, draw what makes you happy

#long post #i didnt mean to write so much but i do get this kind of question a lot so i think ill just.. direct ppl to this from now on

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ramuoto · 4 years

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TOP 10 MANHWAs

if anything good came out of 2020, it’s my discovery of manhwas.

well, it’s not like i’ve never read a single manhwa in the past 15+ years but tbh, the ratio of manhwa:manga i consume on a weekly basis has jumped exponentially this year. previously it was like 1:99 and now it’s like 90:10 LMAO.

so, just to remind myself that the world is still full of good things, i had to make this list. which i will probably edit in the future, if i can be bothered to. :)

anyhow, this list was not made in any particular order, just whichever came into mind. it’s loooong so be prepared! (I’ve read way more titles than mentioned but just included the ones worth checking out)

for whoever stumbles across this list, i hope some of these resonate with you and i hope they make you as happy as they made me.

pic credits: https://geekculture.co/geeks-guide-to-transmigration-novels-avoid-death-at-all-costs/

1. Ebony

https://mangadex.org/title/41838/ebony

Bahahah omg he looks evil there! But our dearest archduke is hardly that aww. Soz, I just ripped off the covers of the manhwa cos I can’t find a panel I liked more than another. I mean, this manhwa is a GEM. I can’t even begin to describe this because everything about it blew me away. This is not something you read when you are craving for fluff, or just wanna have something brainless after a hard day at work or if you just wanna have some eye candy lol. This is something you pick up on a weekend, when you have time, because you need those hours to digest, appreciate, clutch your chest, tear a little because you find yourself falling in love with these characters. It doesn’t have any of that cliche isekai, romance, revenge themes going on. It has a solid plot, backed by incredible characters, beautifully woven by the authors and artist with incredible pacing that keeps you on your toes and keeps you looking forward to the next chapter. Maybe I would have been happier if I found it after it was completed lol. HAVE I CONVINCED YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANNA READ IT?! like, idk, just go. JUST GO READ IT GDI.

p.s. it says there romance but naaaaaaah, dont go in with that expectation. :) this story is so much more than that.

2. Bring the love

https://mangadex.org/title/44472/bring-the-love

This...this!!! THIS MANHWA NEEDS MORE LOVE. If you need a lot of fluff, a little, ok maybe quite a bit of sadness and tragedy, sweet sweet romance, cutie pies, please, look no further!!! Again, pacing, character development are so important to me and this manhwa aces it. I love the 2 MCs very much. And the side characters too. :)

3. A Stepmother's Märchen

https://mangadex.org/title/39474/a-stepmother-s-m-rchen

When I first read this, i fucking cried. like please don’t ask me why. it’s not like its an absolute tragedy but I was just rooting for the MC so much and I really want for everything to go her way. That’s how much I adore this MC!!! I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO NORA! HAHAHHA. okay soz. I need to keep this spoiler-free.

Anyhoo, there is nothing typical about this time travel plot. Sure, she goes back to try to undo the stuff that went wrong but phew, she certainly changed things so much everything that comes her way have made it so her previous experiences can hardly help aaaaaaand that’s what makes it fun! I sometimes wish the pacing could be a little more consistent, and there could be more characters I could love a little more wholeheartedly (so i wont have to be in so much despair when i read this sometimes lol) but omg the art, isn’t it pretty?! I’ve re-read this soooooo many times but the art blows me away all the time. And have I already mentioned how much I love her?! I LOVE YOU SHULI! AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!

4. Lady Baby

https://mangadex.org/title/34691/lady-baby

I literally LOL-ed when I saw this cover. WHO THE HELL ARE THEY. WHAT LADY BABY?! ehehehe. okay anyway, uhm, this is already incredibly popular. im not sure if i need to elaborate but yes, it’s adorbs!!! i dont think i like the MC as much as i love her family lol. and everyone else who adores her. im looking forward to when they get older. :) actually not really. please stay cute for as long as yall can! but yeah, i do wish the plot can move a lil faster. i want to see more character development in the other kids too COME ON!

5. Death Is the Only Ending for the Villainess

https://mangadex.org/title/47754/death-is-the-only-ending-for-the-villainess

am i allowed to reveal how shallow i am rn? like the previous choices were all like ‘wow-deep-plot’, ‘wow-character-development’ and this one i just included cos of AESTHETICS ALONE?! the novel covers are breathtaking!!! the manhwa art is amazing as well. and the harem is great! LOL. as for plot... uhm... it’s alright. it’s pretty engaging and i quite like the MC, she’s smart and independent and i love how she views them all antagonistically at all times HAHAHHA. her past is kinda... weird though and i do wish they’d stop referencing it. cos... girl why do you wanna go back to reality!!! stay here! it’s way more exciting!

i love the whole isekai/reincarnate/transmigration theme and this is honestly one of the better, not-so-cliche or cheesy ones HA.

6. Beware of the Villainess!

https://mangadex.org/title/47286/beware-of-the-villainess

do you already see the whole villainess theme?! am i suppose to start feeling embarrassed about my choices?! NO! cos this one is AWESOME!

again, another wildly popular title. for good reasons. it’s hilarious, our MC is as real and candid as it gets and LOOK AT THAT BLUE HAIRED BEAUTY. DO YOU SEE HIM?! IMPLANT HIM INTO YOUR MEMORY NOW!

it’s highly entertaining and breaks all isekai-reincarnation-villainess plot stereotypes. definitely one of the titles i look forward to every week.

7. Who Made Me a Princess

https://mangadex.org/title/32506/who-made-me-a-princess

what? why did i choose this?

BECAUSE OF CLAUDE OF COURSE. ahahaha. okay aside from the amaaaaaaazing art and the beautiful people, the plot is not too bad. a little extreme at times but it’s interesting enough to keep me going. it’s currently on hiatus though and i was highly annoyed by how the first season ended. (YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING.)

i hope the plot can move faster in the next season! and that our dearest MC athanasia can you know, finally be a little more useful... like omg just tell lucas already!!! and tbh girl, no matter which guy you choose, i approve. :D

8. The Flower That Was Bloomed by a Cloud

https://mangadex.org/title/37648/the-flower-that-was-bloomed-by-a-cloud

i featured this before, mostly out of frustration HAHAHA. do you see why i chose this cover?! yeah, i support this (unpopular) pairing okay! the other one is doomed!!! no matter what the author is trying to do now!! I DONT SUPPORT IT!!! lol.

anyway, i had to feature this cos the art is unique! and the story is great. :) and i looooooove listening to the ost while i read it. it starts out kinda slow but as the pace picks up, you won’t be able to stop. and you find yourself conflicted at various points. it did win an award for a reason.

no matter what, i still think dowun is best for her okay. it’s dowun or nothing. he’s devoted to her, we all know that! he just needs to ditch that annoying female guard!!! ok yknw what, maybe nothing is better. :/ *cries*

9. Solo Leveling

https://mangadex.org/title/31477/solo-leveling

why do i even bother? this manhwa is popular enough.

the art is great. the MC is great. i use him and his gang as my wallpaper.

im just not sure i like how this season’s plot is progressing. :/ but i guess it brings us nearer to solving the mystery in the first leg of the manhwa. i just enjoyed the whole part of him leveling up and now that he isn’t really leveling up anymore... idk. am i hoping for more plot shit like bleach (oh wow now u quincy?)... idk man. anywho, no regrets starting on this series and marathon-ing it to death.

cross fingers the plot picks up and doesnt get too complicated for its own good.

10. The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion

https://mangadex.org/title/31606/the-reason-why-raeliana-ended-up-at-the-duke-s-mansion

okay, tbh, by the time i reached 10, i still have like 15 other series i was considering LMAO. i even considered lengthening this top 10 to top 15. but that would just be more of me and my nonsense. so... why did i choose this?

COS I LOVE THE 2 MCs!!! they’re adorable. the plot is again, kinda far-fetched at times (i literally laugh my head off at some parts) but it’s isekai-reincarnation okay! anything is possible in whatever magical crap country you end up in! lol. and i like how straightforward it is... in the sense there’s no 2nd lead. like okay i mean they are there but we all know they have no chance. oops. sorry!

and cos i can’t give up on the other titles i have, imma just list them down, without pictures... cos im tired. HA.

11. Doctor Elise

https://mangadex.org/title/29474/doctor-elise

Kudos to the huge improvement in art style lmao. The good... lovable MCs, engaging plot. The bad... sometimes lengthy, incredulous medical moments (i work in the medical field so i... idk. sometimes this borders on iryu LMAO and i need to remind myself this is romance) otherwise, this is a highly highly entertaining read.

12. Seduce the Villain's Father

https://mangadex.org/title/46775/seduce-the-villain-s-father

This is another of my ‘father-love’ whims. MC is adorable and ML is handsome. enough said.

13. The Villainess Lives Twice

https://mangadex.org/title/49644/the-villainess-lives-twice

This is like a lesser version of Ebony and Bring the Love combined HAHAHA. The plot and premise is great and it’s awesome to marathon! I don’t find myself loving the MC as much as I should but the ML is a darling! I just find her a little toooooooo gloomy. Like come on girl, be more spunky!

14. The Stereotypical Life of a Reincarnated Lady

https://mangadex.org/title/46790/the-stereotypical-life-of-a-reincarnated-lady

I dont know why I like this so much HAHAHAHA. It hardly has a plot. I just find the MC and ML amusing i guess lol.

15. I'm Stanning the Prince

https://mangadex.org/title/45586/i-m-stanning-the-prince

Sometimes I wonder if I should be ranking this higher but I kinda feel this manhwa is trying to achieve too much with an underpowered MC. I love her... but I just don’t like how she’s just a pawn of everyone else and I dont know how she can change this situation of hers. It’s cute though. the MC and ML. and the ML reminds me so much of american/jap Mackenyu.

16. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

I HAD TO. the art is so pretty! but girl, dont use the hour glass so much! you look a little too old! i would appreciate it if MC stops basing too much of her moves on the “past” tho like idk you are gonna sound unoriginal soooooon like develop your own thoughts soon okay? <3

17. Inso's Law

ANOTHER ONE. omg. im a lil on the fence regarding this but i like MC too much. and her harem LOL. i dont see where the plot is going either but i just hope for a happy end... ):

18. Why Are You Doing This, Duke?

HAHAHA. this is sooooo sooooooo cute, i would have ranked it top 15 if it wasnt licensed by tapas tho cos they are a joke. WHY NOT TAPPY GDI.

19. Miss Not-So Sidekick

Uh-oh. Is this a top-20 list now? anyway, the MC for this series is GOLD. im not liking where it’s currently heading tho thus the lower ranking.

20. IRIS - Lady with a Smartphone

omg IVE NEGLECTED THIS FOR TOO LONG. lemme go buy more chapters hahahaha. it’s a tad too lengthy... otherwise i like the MC and yummy ML!

still not enough?

Special Mentions - Okay, these will be unranked cos I don’t think these are that good but probably still worth a read.

I've Become the Villainous Empress of a Novel - this is new, im looking forward to how it progresses wheeeee.

Lady to Queen - It’s a ruthless manhwa. There was a point i started reading all sorts of sadistic content (i was running out of content i swear) and this was one of the better ones. I appreciate the MC very much. the plot now is a little weird and im a bit wary of the MC’s sister... hopefully the ML can be more useful. he’s pitiful though. but dude come on, dont rely on the wrong gal.

Goodbye, In-law - I’m not sure if i like the current progress buuuuuuut MC and ML are cute so who cares.

The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes - plot is still engaging. MC and ML are cute. i dont know where the plot is heading towards though.

A Falling Cohabitation - this is interesting and fun but a lil lengthy.

Light and Shadow - the sequel is out!!! i highly enjoyed this entire series!!! i would have probably ranked it a lil higher if i did this post earlier but too many series have overtaken this in my heart lol.

This Girl Is a Little Wild - is the hiatus ending yet? i would add it back to top 20 if it came back LOL. it’s highly entertaining tho. ML is adorable.

The Duchess With an Empty Soul - pretty nice. MC and ML are a little boring. i think it can end soon. LMAO.

A Capable Maid - it’s amusing how she gets her powers for all sorts of situations lol. the prince is creepy tbh. and im secretly rooting for the other king hehe.

Beware of the Brothers! - it’s cute and heart-wrenching at the same time! not too sure im digging the latest plot development but okay... i’ll take it. they’re all cuties.

Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister - hehehe. it’s cute. duke is kinda silly but the latest chapter made me squeal!!!

The Evil Lady's Hero - idk where the plot is going but MC and ML are adorable!!!

The Dragon Next Door - HAHAHA. it’s hilarious.

The Youngest Princess - she’s growing uppppp noooooooooooo

Virtues of the Villainess - ginger is hilarious. i dont see where the plot is going tho... and cant say i like the ML yet. i dont even get to see him much, hello?!

The Justice of Villainous Woman - pretty wholesome... i like the MC! (the ML is fine. no one else to contend with so...) can u end already?! lol.

Amina of the Lamp - hey, what happened to this? it’s pretty inconsistent but i do like the MC and ML... and the art...

The Villain's Savior - this is some sadistic shit. i reserve it for when i feel sadistic. i pretty much wanna see MC happy but idk if she’s making the right choices. :/

I Don't Want to Be Empress! - HAHAHAHA uhm it’s getting interesting. i just want ML to step up more...

La dolce vita di Adelaide - I FINISHED THIS! and it’s wholesome, feel-good and cute. some parts felt a lil extra but ah whatever.

The Black Haired Princess - plot. move. faster!!! otherwise the MC and ML are pretty cute.

The Abandoned Empress - im a lil on the fence but i know how popular this series is. it started out HORRIBLE. i hated the ML so much. and then i found the green hair boy creepy. like MC, you need better taste in boys. it’s certainly getting more interesting now though. so please, continue to make my money’s worth!!!

Lucia - i. am. not. guilty. of. anything. *smut warning* anyway go read the novel. it’s better. hehehe.

What's Wrong with Secretary Kim - i do not need to elaborate any further.

Past loves

I created this section just to remind myself, that what i could like one day, i could hate the next LOL.

The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - I know this is wildly popular. but i lost interest in it once she grew up. i dont think she’s particularly lovable. soz.

Survive as the Hero's Wife - another popular choice. I find the plot kinda boring now. MC and ML are cute though.

Sincerely: I Became a Duke's Maid - another popular one. again, boring plot. like cant it end yet? oh you mean we need to wait for the real female lead to show up? dont need luh.

I Am a Child of This House - wow. the plot is shit now. and i do not support the MC and her guard. soz. she’s OVERPOWERED tbh.

This Is an Obvious Fraudulent Marriage - idk what happened but my enthusiasm for this died.

Charlotte and Her 5 Disciples - i don’t get it. i dont get their obsession for her.

#manhwa #fav manhwa #ebony #bring the love #a stepmother's marchen #lady baby #death is the only ending for the villainess #beware of the villainess #who made me a princess #the flower that was bloomed by a cloud #solo leveling #the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion

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themself · 3 years

Text

final thoughts about 1984

i lied. this is final but its not about 1984, because it never was about 1984, it was never even about my post or the things i said. its about the version of me and my arguments that’s been constructed by other people, that they’ll continue to argue with.

the post has been circulated thousands of times, screenshoted to twitter to have hundreds of people dunk on me and call me stupid, say i don’t know how to read, etc. i got hate messages telling me to commit suicide and to detransition. it was funny at first. but i’m tired. i never wanna read the year 1984 again. ive started to doubt myself and wonder if there was a secret truth that all of these people had tapped into that i somehow missed and nobody has ever been explain to me, that nobody else has ever written about in all of the writing ive found on the book and everybody gets but me

first, i twote what i twote

i said what i said. could i have worded it better? YES. but i was making a kneejerk reaction to a poorly written post, that was worded in and simple way so i phrased it poorly.

i do think that reading about rape in a classroom is inappropriate and potentially traumatic to readers, i think that experiencing violent misogyny without a discussion is harmful. i dont actually care what orwells intentions were because i dont know them and neither do you. hes dead. his words still hurt people and thats not okay to expose people to without a discussion about it.

i also think that media analysis can be taught with any work. you can perform media analysis on the goddamn mcu and find something worthwhile there. i fundamentally think teachers meeting students where they’re at, validating their interests and teaching the same strategies learned for classics! despite reading lots of classic literature, i never learned how to perform actual proper media analysis until i was in college! my reads of classics were often dismissed by teachers, i was forced to memorize their analyses instead of being able to think critically about works on my own! meet students where they’re at! encourage passion! use it to help teach new techniques and help them engage in and love material!

you don't know me

you know, in the tons and tons of messages and random ass people coming into my DMs demanding a debate, i realized something. they’re not arguing with me. they’re arguing with the version of me that exists in their head. i remember in particular somebody came at me and said “why do you think there’s no merit in 1984 because of some bad things” and i replied that i never said that. they said my message wasn’t clear enough so of course everybody would assume that.

i wrote a two second response girl! i wasn’t trying to create an essay for people to respond against. but who i am doesn’t matter. it never really did. people have constructed me to be the type of person who exemplifies fandom and cancel culture or whatever coming for classic novels, who thinks that anything new and shiny with fandom is better, and that i don’t know how to read and think anything problematic or with hard topics is canceled and not worth any merit.

the truth is i haven’t read a fanfiction since i was 12 or engaged with a fandom since i was 17. my two favorite works of fiction are boogiepop and we know the devil, both of which deal with really heavy topics, have main characters who make bad sloppy choices and hurt people. neither of these works have big fandoms. i think fandom has merit, and i am interested in people who perform literary analysis on popular nerd culture texts. that’s not me, but i support peoples’ right to do that. but i like indie art! most of the media i consume is experimental indie videogames, and a lot of lgbtq independent projects.

again though, who i am doesn’t matter, because nobody here was ever arguing with me, they were arguing with an idea of me based on two sentences, a being constructed from those terms with other peoples assumptions plastered on. i’ve just become somebody to put that being on. that’s kind of how everybody talks to each other online, and i’ve come to recognize that now. hell, i’ve been the perpetrator of that stuff towards other people online too! thats why i don’t hang out online anymore, why i don’t read arguments anymore, and why i am trying not to let the nasty stuff people say to me bother me because it was never about me

can y’all leave me alone now?

even if 1984 was worth all this discussion, i want to be able to turn anonymous messaging on again, i want to be able to have my DMs open without it being an invitation for people to accuse me of not knowing how to read. go bother somebody else with your time. you have the time to write to some random ass bitch over 1984? write letters to prisoners to help alleviate the trauma of the carceral system! go harass nazis on twitter if you want somebody to be mean to! instead of telling me to detransition, go cry about 14 year olds sending u anime jpegs or whatever the hell terfs do! i promise y’all it is NOT deep enough for you guys to be hounding me the way you do. your time is valuable! dont spend it bothering random bitches on tumblr!

if youre gonna bother me over some typo on this post consider that i don’t actually give a shit and you could be spendin the time having sex instead or doing something else that makes you happy. i’m not reading this post again and i’m not talking about this topic again. deuces

#mine #text #1984scourse

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toxicsamruby · 4 years

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hello! i have to ask: what do you think about supernatural au's where monsters don't exist/monster hunting is not a thing? do you think the characters could even exist out of that realm? i honestly have conflicting views on this because on one hand i do enjoy the character dynamics but i also feel it would be wrong to just take away something that is fundamental to this show, idk though

i LOVE this question. thank you. im going to write a very long post now

obviously there are infinite ways to interpret a story, right? but sam and dean (and castiel too of course) as characters are completely inextricable from their backstories, and their backstories are inextricable from themes of transience, poverty, loneliness, violence, familial duty, masculinity, otherness, american protestantism, horror, humanity, and monstrosity. i dont think that it’s Wrong to take away the monster hunting as an element in the story, but i DO think it would be bad storytelling to do so bc the fact is that these characters w these personalities wouldnt EXIST without a few VERY crucial plot points/themes. and thats a GOOD thing!! say what u will abt the writers (and i do. i do) but the early seasons do an EXCELLENT job of building characters who are inseparable from their stories, characters whose every action is reflective of the Story itself in a bigger sense, characters who are interesting because of the way that they’re used to tell that bigger Story. there’s a sense of cohesiveness between character and theme and narrative, and removing one of these aspects would lessen the other two. that is the mark of good storytelling (that, in my opinion, distinguishes seasons 1 and MAYBE 2 from all the rest; although funnily enough i think castiel’s arc in s4 is the best example of what im talking about outside of s1-2. but anyways).

without these crucial themes and narratives, who ARE sam and dean? why do they even matter? what’s the value of them as characters? aus that strip away all those VERY important themes and plot points strip away the actual artistic value of the characters, and reduces them to objects of the audience’s emotional whims. the only reason u have any affection for these characters in aus is because you know and understand the source material, and you remember why those characters STARTED to matter to u in the first place. this is something that happens in a lot of fanfiction i think: the most essential themes of the original work are ignored for the sake of emotionally expedient scenarios where both writer and reader can clock out of having to do a bigger analysis of the story and just focus on, for example, a certain ship getting together and/or having sex, or a certain character getting a happy ending. and like i wont deny that theyre fun to read! they are essentially transplanting already-developed characters from their already-developed stories into a new fun scenario without the themes and narratives that actually made the characters compelling. and sure, sometimes a truly good author offers us a compelling new set of themes and narratives, ones that are interesting and make us think, but i’d argue that the characters in those rare good fics are 1. not...really the same characters from the show, since the story they’re in has been so completely transformed 2. basically shortcuts for the author to cut their teeth on writing original fiction. in any case, a vast majority of fics that remove the themes and narratives of the original story DONT offer a truly satisfying replacement, so the point is almost moot.

my answer, in short, is that aus without monster hunting destroy the character-theme-narrative cohesion that all good stories require, and by extension doesn’t require either author or reader to think critically about the story as a whole. you know that joke that goes around about supernatural just being a crate full of toys that we’re all sitting around and playing barbie dolls with? that is what the fics ur talking about basically are. it isn’t seriously engaging with a story as a piece of art, it’s grabbing a few barbies from a box and putting them in different clothes. and i think the fact that supernatural does fall apart both thematically and narratively so early in its incredibly long runtime is what allows people to treat it as a box of dolls, because most of the time it seems like the writers themselves treat the show as a box of dolls instead of a story that deserves respect and care and thought. so i actually do understand the urge to play with the barbies, so to speak, and to a certain extent i dont even think it’s a bad thing. but i DO think that sometimes, especially online, ESPECIALLY with a show like this where the lines between genuine engagement with the text and playing barbie dolls gets so blurred, people actually start to lose track of which is which, and THATS what irritates me. people start to view the ENTIRE STORY as just a way to see their personal favorite character do what they want that character to do. the character (and their emotional attachment to said character) becomes the whole reason for the story, instead of the story being the reason for the characters. playing barbie dolls is fine! but it DOES need to be balanced out with actual engagement, with literary analysis, with criticism if the story needs it (and my GOD does supernatural need criticism!), and there needs to be an understanding of the difference between genuine analysis and personal loyalty to a character.

like, not to be a snob or anything, but it is important to engage truthfully and fairly with a text. things arent good just because you want them to be good, and stories can only offer you genuine satisfaction and critical/artistic growth if you truly engage with them. engaging with supernatural means thinking/writing about monsters and the Other, and to remove monstrosity as a theme and narrative hollows out the story completely.

#writing this post was the most fun ive had all day thank u SO much for sending it #sorry i love literary analysis!! as if its my fault!!!!!#asks #crit #i guess?? i dont have much of a tag for analysis that ISNT criticism LMFALSDJFKL

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noshitshakespeare · 4 years

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Bro to that Shakespeare is an idiot anon, like i dont think Shakespeare was aiming for historical accuracy when he wrote his historical plays... they're just like a entertaining story that is rooted in references that people might know. Like isn't Richard III aimed to be like insulting the plantagents (however u spell it) for tudor rulers? How was Shakespeare even meant to get info on ancient people like Cleo? Most writing we have on her from the time is biased, and not entirely accurate. Smh

(Anon is referencing this post)

Historical accuracy is an interesting question. The concept of history as an unbiased account of what happened in the past didn’t exist in Shakespeare’s time (at least not in the same way it does now, if it does now), so in some ways, it’s not really relevant even to think about it in those terms. There were histories, and people did trust them as relating in some way to truth, but it was common practice for such histories to full-on invent a general’s military speech supposedly given before a battle as so on. In other words, you find fictional speeches like the St Crispin’s Day speech in supposedly historical accounts from the time.

Sir Philip Sidney’s Defense of Poesy is great for early modern ideas about this because he’s so aware of the limitations of historical accounts in his time. As he says, ‘even historiographers, although their lips sound of things done, and verity be written in their foreheads, have been glad to borrow both fashion and perchance weight of the poets’. People like him were aware that histories were already literary in some ways. He also knows that however much they try, the historian can never really truly recreate the past in complete accuracy:

Now for the poet, he nothing affirms, and therefore never lies. For, as I take it, to lie is to affirm that to be true which is false; so as the other artists, and especially the historian, affirming many things, can, in the cloudy knowledge of mankind,

Sidney is defending poetry and drama by saying that they never claimed to be accurate history, and therefore can’t be blamed for inaccuracy or accused of lying. In contrast, the historian, in claiming certain things as true while not actually knowing, could sometimes end up claiming something false. So insightful people from Shakespeare’s time like Sidney knew perfectly well that historical accounts they had were not necessarily accurate. In fact he goes as far as to say, at one point, that historians are ‘loaded with old mouse-eaten records, authorizing himself for the most part upon other histories, whose greatest authorities are built upon the notable foundation of hearsay’. Histories are written based on other histories, which are based on rumours.

Sidney is great on the question of entertainment too, asking of the fiction-haters,

do they not know that a tragedy is tied to the laws of poesy, and not of history; not bound to follow the story, but having liberty either to feign a quite new matter, or to frame the history to the most tragical convenience?

Poets (this includes playwrights, by the way, since that word didn’t exist until Ben Jonson coined it), unsurprisingly, have poetic license and the right to change things as fits what they’re writing. The fact that Sidney is defending this does point to the fact that the opponents of theatre and poetry did raise inaccuracy as a reason to disparage the arts, but I think his defence is spot-on. There’s simply no need for writers to aim for historical accuracy.

Of course, Shakespeare did have some sources for his histories (see this post for example) and Roman plays (mostly North’s translation of Plutarch's The Lives of the Noble Grecians and Romans). And they were about as accurate as anything anyone could get their hands on at the time. I would go as far as to say that in many instances, Shakespeare stays very true to his sources, so his so-called ‘errors’ are not even always attributable to him.

On the question of Richard III, though... Even if there is a propagandist element to it, I tend to feel that reading the play simply on those terms is very reductive. It’s hard to know how much the anti-Plantagenet ideology is something Shakespeare picked up from his sources (Shakespeare’s sources were pretty propagandist). Also, if he wanted to present Richard as a straightforward villain, Shakespeare didn’t need to make him so engaging, charismatic and brave (he does choose to show the last king of England ever to have died in battle doing exactly that). Looking at Shakespeare’s sources doesn’t just reveal what he keeps, but what he chooses to emphasise or change, and that gives us more of a sense of what interests him thematically, taking us beyond questions of accuracy and political conformity.

#anon anon sir!#asks #Shakespeare #history #sources #Philip Sidney #Sidney #Defence of Poesy #long post

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misterbitches · 3 years

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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ok not to be That Magnus Stan but seeing your last ask... how do you think adhd/sensory issues might intersect with kink for Magnus? (You don't have to answer jkjljljljkllljlk)

i mean pls be That Magnus Stan tbh, and id be more than happy to answer it 👀👀👀

also the ask you’re referring to is no longer my last ask because it took me a while to finish this up, but anyway

ok so there's plenty of things that apply the same way to the both of them - like hyperfixating on their characters when planning roleplay, definitely the whole thing about how domspace (well, subspace for magnus, but u get it) feels a bit like hyperfocus? like his senses are just honed in and particularly for an adhd person that's just great news. like usually his head is all over the place but when he's in subspace he gets that quiet and he's just focusing on his own pleasure and everything else quiets down for a bit

in that sense i feel like it's the opposite of what anon said about being overwhelmed, like, i feel like the enhanced sensations are good for magnus because again adhd = brain desperately looking for stimuli at all times, so when he's engaging in like, orgasm delay/denial, gangbang and the like, he has a clear thing to focus on, sometimes even more than he can really process, and that kind of satisfies his brain?

udhdudndid that sounds stupid but i hope you understand what i mean, like, of course sensory issues could become bad and he might need to safeword but when he's in the proper headspace and he just allows himself to be washed over by the pleasure and let go, it feels like finally his mind is clear. i don't know if i have adhd, but it definitely feels that way for me. also, he might actually need the overstimulation in order to focus and feel pleasure, sometimes. like anything less he just.... wanders away jdhdudjdi i also feel that way

also, warning again just in case! im not saying "wow ppl with adhd are subs". im just conjecturing about how a person who happens to have adhd and be into subbing (and like, specifically the kind of adhd and kinks i hc for magnus) would feel in regards to how those things overlap and change their experience with their pleasure. or well, magnus specifically, not just any person with adhd. but anyway

also that thing i said about following orders and just letting go, like- usually his mind is going a mile a minute, and as a political leader and someone who's been on his own most of his life etc he just worries all the time. how to present, gesticulate, speak, what to say, what to do, he's always hyperaware of his own movements (because he has to) and worrying about others and their pleasure and comfort and shit, so to get to just lie back, not move - be unable to move, even - follow orders and be a good boy? that's some A+ shit right there

you know? he doesnt have to be anxious about anything or try to keep his thoughts and movements in check and guess ppl's reactions or even worry if he's just following orders - orders he knows he'll enjoy, that he's agreed to, planned for, with someone that he trusts - and feeling the pleasure that comes from that. a huge part of his usual thoughts is finally muted and that helps him feel relaxed and mellow and get into subspace. which again, he craves, because usually adhd brain is just aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA and so subspace is a very welcome and even needed break

even from a neurological standpoint, like... adhd is basically lack of norepinephrine in the brain, and orgasms, especially intense ones, release a lot of that, but I'll try not to nerd out too hard here. tho i might have to go back to that in a minute

isnt it performance art that i had a genius thought that i loved and halfway through finishing the last sentence i just forgot it

oh yeah! thinking specifically about rsd and how this comes into play for someone who's into humiliation kink. there are several psychological analyses that postulate that one of the things attractive about bdsm is that it allows you to explore fears and generally bad situations in a controlled environment. kinda like reading fiction or doing extreme sports. so in that sense bdsm is attractive because it allows you to act on those fears and turn them into something 1- safe, 2- under their control, instead of the other way around, and 3- pleasurable

and like... dont get me wrong it's not that magnus is into being told "ur ugly and no one loves you" or something lmao but in a way humiliation kink is enacting a fantasy of rejection/belittling, except turned inside out? like "you're my good little fucktoy, you were made to be fucked like this, you slut" is degrading and belittling and on the verge of calling someone worthless... except positive. because that's what makes them so great to fuck? so in a way this kind of play flips the tables on many concepts because being a "slut" or a "toy" feels like a compliment. and in this process of degradation you are taking the fear of being worthless and making a scenario where that being true is exactly what makes the person worthwhile

idk i might be reaching a bit here cuz i think im into humiliation that's way more hardcore than i think magnus would be like i straight up enjoy being called worthless lmao but i feel like that makes sense, the way that humiliation/degradation play takes your fear of rejection or shortcoming and is like "but if that were true.... that would make you good" like o shit can't argue with that

and again like.... obviously that's all a very careful line as you're dealing with some sensitive stuff, which is why doms need to go through training to be able to deal with the physical and mental implications of what they're doing. and none of this is conscious of course, i don't think magnus is out there thinking this through deeply or anything, im just saying it's a part of what makes bdsm subconsciously appealing to some ppl. but my point is, rsd might play a part in why magnus is into that mix of praise and humiliation. like i think he needs the praise for reassurance even during play, which alec is more than happy to provide ("you're so beautiful, look at you, so perfect like this, i love you,"), and that kind of play where rejection, praise, and pleasure are all kind of one and the same is appealing because it just makes it all the more overwhelming without actually being negative and your mind is just lost in the almost contradictory stimuli but the pleasure and the positive wins out and you just feel so relaxed and good? yeah

but there's also like, the way that impacts the negative possible outcomes of bdsm. namely, rsd and subdrop

rsd is kind of obvious so i'll try to be brief: it's a sensitive issue and if he's not in the proper headspace for it, it can have the opposite effect and go very wrong very fast, because his reaction to rejection is hyperamplified by it. so if it has the opposite of the desired effect - rejection overpowering praise and pleasure - it might go south so fast he doesnt have the time to yellow. like he can't prevent it before it happens, you know? which is also why i think he wouldn't go Super Deep into humiliation and why the mix with praise is key - which is another way in which they are compatible because alec sure does love praising him

as for subdrop: if you don't know what that is, basically BDSM play is very intense and releases a fuckton of endorphins all at once very fast, so, sometimes, the sub doesn't come down from their orgasm as much as falls facefirst back to earth. meaning, their brain empties itself of endorphins, which leaves them feeling hollow and depressed, sometimes also moody, hypersensitive/prone to crying, fatigued, and just generally bad

which is one of the many reasons aftercare is important! and also proper dom training! with proper aftercare, you can prevent that drop from happening, by keeping the sub feeling positively. reassurance, touch, and other forms to bring physical and/or psychological relief and/or pleasure helps keep their brain from just crashing once the rush of endorphins is over, so it lasts a little longer and they can come down from the high gently. work those neurotransmitters yall! keep them up and running!

so anyway i feel like subdrop is not only a bigger deal for ppl with adhd (because adhd is already a lack of neurotransmitters so fucking up your balance even further is Very Bad), but also more likely to happen if you're not careful, because the "regular" adhd brain already has a lack of neurotransmitters, which keep those endorphins running. so adhd ppl might "run out" of them even easier

NOTE: i'm not affirming that, this is a shot in the dark. i have no data or research to back that up and im nowhere near an expert in neuroscience, i just know the basics. so don't take this part too seriously and definitely don't quote me on it

but anyWAY yeah. my point is, subdrop can be a problem so it’s something that he tries to be prepared for, have some snacks before and after, do proper aftercare, etc. like i said, it’s mostly preventable, although sometimes stuff like this happens even if you do your best. but anyway

and there’s another thing too, which is that one possible sympton of subdrop is feeling rejected and alone. which is super fun when you have rsd! so yeah. subdrop can be very bad for magnus. and like, don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying it happens every time or super frequently or something, but it IS something he has to watch out for possibly more than others haha man thinking about how camille didn’t care about this at ALL. he knows it can be bad, but he’s also learnt how to prevent it for him, and as the healthy bastards that they are, magnus and alec talk about that in length. during alec’s Research™ he comes across that concept and he brings it up with magnus and makes sure that he knows everything there is to know about how and when magnus experiences subdrop and how to deal with that. he also makes magnus promise to let him know if he ever has it, because alec WILL drop everything to go and give him extra care. and it’s sweet

on a better note! BDSM has been shown to be associated with lower levels of rejection sensitivity among practitioners. so that’s nice? like obviously magnus won’t find the cure for his rsd with BDSM or anything, but i like the idea of magnus opening his eyes one day and realizing that hey, ever since alec and i have been doing play more often, i’ve been feeling a little less affected by rejection?

also like, BDSM as a whole helps enhance trust and communication in a relationship (obviously it needs to already be there for the BDSM activities to take place and like please everyone everything i’m saying here is on people who enjoy it. how you perceive these actions is heavily influenced by whether or not you enjoyed them so i’m not saying that BDSM is great for everyone, i’m saying that it’s great for people who are into it. so don’t go thinking BDSM will do your relationship good or something, k? k) for obvious reasons, so that also helps magnus feel more secure you know. so that’s a positive way that these things interact too

and okay, i think that’s all i have? not that this isn’t gigantic but like you know. i don’t know how to end this other than uh i had fun answering that ask! also, again, i’m not a psychologist or a neuroscientist and there is actually pretty little research on the psychological effects of BDSM as most of the discussion seems to be centered on “is kink a disease?” due to stigmatization, so like, please, i’m doing this for fun, alright? i tried to make it as accurate as possible and also i get Into It and dive deep into research sometimes so while this is a somewhat educated guess, don’t take everything i say here as face value

in short, thanks for asking!

#ask #anonymous #hooo boy this is long and i've been at it for a while but it's here at least #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #sub magnus bane #adhd magnus bane #malec #meta #magnus bane meta #dirty mention #long post #also this is officially my 41.000th post #yay!"

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flying-elliska · 5 years

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Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions.

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one.

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example : one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work.

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do.

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame.

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand.

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor.

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

#adhd #actually adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #depression #anon asks

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doctorwhos · 5 years

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i sent you that ask with no idea other people were calling you out on it at the same time, sorry for not being psychic i guess!!! and lol ur allyship is fucking performative when you are both aware an author is a raging transmisogynist (and his wife as well) but continue to engage in and promote his work anyway bc it doesn't affect you lol and "death of the author" like he isn't benefiting from it even if u don't spend money

okay this is the last thing im answering about this because i have to go be with my family and dont feel like staring down my phone while i eat dinner with them.

i can engage in neil’s work because i acknowledge hes a terrible person, and that some of the work hes created has perpetuated some horrible ideas, but i can critically engage with them. good omens itself as a show (and book, but less so the book) is something that brings me joy, but ive been obviously very vocal about its faults. there is no media that doesnt have its problems, and if we just all stopped consuming anything that had something wrong, there wouldnt be any kind of content in the world. of course this just means precedent for change, but like, were not there yet at this exact moment in the world.

making this issue out to be black and white is helping no body, and you dont have to engage with the content if you dont want to. you can unfollow me if you dont want to see it, and you can block the tags. im not trying to be controversial in any capacity, but if you just outright refuse to acknowledge good works of media (because good omens is good in the entertainment sense. i enjoyed watching it and i related a lot to aziraphale) becuase they have some problems, then you might need to reevaluate how you engage with art.

im not saying you cant be upset by neils transmisogyny, just like im upset with how he treats characters of color, and how the one character thats nb rep in the show is seen as monstrous and grotesque and also dies. neil treats his lgb characters horribly, and his trans characters even worse. but i enjoy the content, because i can engage with it critically, and not just brush away its faults.

#peter talks #i do actually need to go eat dinner my sister yelled at me lmao

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m0onbean · 7 years

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Astro Reaction To You Having Tattoos But A Sweet Personality

here you go <3 (this is in bullets)

Jinjin

when he first met you he thought you were an angel

sweet personality, cute laugh, ummm you're adorable ok???

he always thought you were cuddly teddy bears, kittens and puppies, unicorns, you know...

then when you went on the stage with your rock band he would be like

W O A H

I T H I N K I F E L L I N L O V E

so like backstage when you get off the stage he's in awe at your performance

he compliments you incessantly like "omg you were so good" and "sTEP ON ME YOURE PERFECT"

and you just laugh cutely and he's like (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

and then you two go on a date bc you think jinjin is rlly kyoot too

and on the first date you decided to show him your tattoos

you show him your favorite one which is a rose on your shoulder, a dragon on your neck, some quotes hidden on your body, and basically everything that means a lot to you and is your soul

and at first he's taken aback bc he never thought you to be such an edgy person

but now that he knows he feels closer and more in love than ever

he's t o u c h e d you showed them to him and he's even considering getting a tattoo now too

so you two would be at an airport catching a flight

you would be sitting next to eachother, waiting for the next takeoff

and then he would notice a small tattoo sticking out from your sleeve

and instantly he would be like ?????THATS SO COOL?????

and MJ being MJ this boi would not hesitate to ask "so what's that on ur arm lolz"

and you being sweet/chill/nice you would smile at him and pull your sleeve up

and it reveals *insert whatever you would have tattooed*

and he'd be like :-O that's so cool! and would examine it carefully

and you'd be like NOW WAIT THERE'S MORE and pull up your other sleeve and bAM ANOTHER TATTOO

he would be like nOW WAIT A MINUTE and be super amazed anD be S H O O K E T H

and you found it funny how obsessed he was with them

and hearts would be flying out his pupils because you're perfect: sweet personality but badass tattoos

and you would explain to him that you were also in a rock band and you performed and you were traveling for your next performance

and he'd be like JDFIAOSJFOAIHFOFEHAEF ILY MARRY ME

and coincidentally you two were going to perform at the same place so you exchanged numbers and decided to meet up more often

and MJ may or not be squealing in excitement bc he's head over heels for you

Eunwoo

so you would be walking down the street casually heading over to a cafe to get a drink

a guitar case was slung over your shoulder and you were wearing a muscle tanktop showing off your tattoos

to say the least, you looked BADASS and cOOOLL

literally everybody was staring at you as you walked by because you had such a c o o l aura

and suddenly you bump into a hard chest and ur like wTf and stumble back

but these arms catch you mid air and you look up and see the most beautiful human being in the world

AnD that human was eunwoo and he was shaking in his boots and how he literally knocked you over and how he was intimidated by you

(but of course there was nothing to be scared of)

and he'd be a stuttering mess "O-O-OH MY GOD IM SO FREAKING SRRY I DIDNT SEE YOU NOT THAT I WAS CALLING YOU SHORT NO I MEAN YOUR HEIGHT IS PERFECT-"

and you'd be like C H I L L but you'd find it adorable so you forgave him kindly and giggled

and ur laugh was music to his ears

and he'd be like O H S O R R Y

and you two would have a conversation that was filled with his apologies

then he would hesitantly ask what your tattoos meant

and you'd be like oH ok and show him all of the visible ones and explain each of them

and he'd be drowning in the meanings bc he thought your tattoos were not only cool but really meaningful

and then he would ask if you were in a rock band bc of that guitar in your hand and you'd be like yUp

despite his schedule he would walk with you to the cafe and you would show him videos of your performances on your phone and he'd be ♥‿♥

and he would attend all of your concerts and although he doesn't prefer rock music he loves it now bc of you

then you two started dating after a while bc he fell in love with everything about you

and whenever you two would just cuddle he would trace his fingers your tattoos and admire them which warmed your heart up

Moonbin

this boi has always considered getting a tattoo but was scared that it would hurt

so he always wimped out but felt a lingering feeling whenever he would look at the tattoo shop down the corner

and then the members would legit have to drag him there and yELL at him saying "YOURE A BIG BOY YOU CAN DO IT OK"

so there he was standing awkwardly outside the shop rethinking his life choices

and through the window he saw you laying down on the chair literally so calm as the artist drilled ink into your skin

and like you didn't even flinch or blink throughout the process and patiently waited

and moonbin would be like gODDAMN she's such a badass y can't i do that :-(

so he would watch the whole process in awe and when it was finally finished he was enraptured with you

and so you walked out the shop with your fresh, new tattoo glimmering on your arm

and he would quickly stop you and be like "HOW ?!"

after explaining his fear to you you'd comfort and soothe him

you would tell him it's ok to be scared and that the first time always hurts but after it's done everything is amazing and it's worth it

so after much consoling & pep talk you lead him into the shop and hold his hand as he screwed his eyes shut

and although he would flinch sometimes, he was silent & focused on staying still

his hand was tightly attached to yours and you would squeeze it several times to let him know he was fine

and after it was all done his face was literally glowing and he'd never felt so relieved before

"tHAT WAS AMAZING I WANT ANOTHER TATTOO"

and you'd smile at this cute boi and he would be super grateful that you stuck with him throughout this adventure

so being the slick boi he is he asks "can i get your number so the next time i get another tattoo you can provide moral support"

and you'd be like oKAY YOU ADORABLE MESS

Rocky

so rocky entered this dance competition where he had to dance with a selected group

and his group decided to sort of do this "badass" concept where they would do backflips, jump off a car, set things on fire, you know

and so for their costumes rocky's group all didn't have tattoos so they decided to get those temporary ones

so when rocky entered the shop to find those cool temporary tattoos of dragons and stuff he spots you looking around

and he notices that sick tattoo you have inked on your arm and a couple other ones on your leg and neck

and he's just there like "WTF THEIR TATTOOS ARE AWESOME AS HELL SIGN ME TF UP"

so he goes up to you shyly (this cute, awkward boi smhhh) and he's like "oh um eXcuse me ?? yah can you show me which store you got that tattoo from? they look rlly realistic and i need some realistic ones for something"

and you'd be like ???????????????lol they're real

anD ROCKY WOULD GET AWKWARD AND JUST BE LIKE

his cheeks would be blushing so hard and he'd be yelling at himself in his brain

and you'd be like in your head LOL HE KYOOT and since you felt bad for his misunderstanding you ended up helping him find a cool tattoo anyways

because you were in that shop to get design ideas in the first place

and as you two shopped together rocky would feel more comfortable around you

you weren't exactly badass, tough, and scary which rocky liked

and by the time you two stepped out of the shop y'all would be laughing together and engaging in fun conversations

rocky would be telling stories of how he fell on stage in once of his dances and he became a meme in his school after that

aND YOU WOULD FIND THAT SO FUNNY AND HE WOULD SHOW THE MEMES TO YOU ON HIS PHONE

and so you notice he's getting quieter as you two realize that the sun was setting

and he would finally be brave enough to say "would you... like uhhh... want to watch my performance lol its ok if you dont want to though its understandable i just thought-"

AND YOUD BE LIKE WHAT THE HECK I WOULD <3 TO

AND ROCKY WOULD BE SHAKING IN HIS BOOTS BC HE DIDNT ACTUALLY THINK YOU WOULD ACCEPT HIM BC HE THOUGHT YOU WOULD THINK DANCE PERFORMANCES ARE WEIRD

aNd you'd be like uhhh???? they're not! i'm in a rock band so i love any type of music performances

and he'd be like O rlly?? bITCH I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU EVEN MORE

Sanha

this cute ass kid was one day like OHOHOHO IMMA GET ME A TATTOO

but all his friends would try to convince him not to and be like UMMMM OH HELL NO SANHA

but sanha never understood why not? he always thought of it as art creations and not anything rebellious

and plus they looked super edgy and cool anyways and sanha wanted to be c o o l

so despite what everybody thought the tall beagle marched to the tattoo shop and flung the door open and was like SUP GUYS

and all the artists would be like gEt oUt where are your parents

and poor sanha would walk out the door with his head down bc he really really wanted to get a moon tattooed on his arm (WINK WINK MY SANHA SERIES BONFIRE YOU CAN FIND IT ON MY MASTERLIST)

but you were there to witness it and you were like w h a t let the kid live

and so you'd grab his wrist and it was one of those kdrama moments where sanha would dramatically turn around and it's raining and you're like "no... don't go" and he'd be like "i have to my love" and you're like "we can work this out"

and the people in the store are legit like wtf is happening

and although everybody was scolding at you for letting him back in who cares?? the boy is 19 and is the size of a palm tree let him get that moon if he wants that moon

but of course you would ask him if his parents gave him permission and he'd be like "well..."

but you would be like TIS OKAY IT'S ONLY A MOON IT'S NOT LIKE A GUN OR ANYTHING INAPPROPIATE

so you weren't really a tattoo artist there but you were just helping out since your dad worked there

and as sanha patiently waited for his artist to get ready he would stare at your tattoos and ask permission to look at all of them

and now sanha was H Y P E D bc he was sooo ready to finally do something he's always dreamed of doing

and you had to keep him from bouncing in his seat

and after it was done sanha would be like ZOOWEEMAMA I F E E L L I K E I C A N S A V E T H E W O R L D

and everyone would still be eyeing him weirdly but whatever you thought it was cute

and he'd thank you a bajillion times for helping him

and you'd be like okok you kid

but then you noticed that sanha started visiting the shop more regularly even though he wasn't getting a new tattoo

like he'd stop by, show you his tattoo multiple times, talk with you, talk with the staff, and bAsically become the store's new son (UGHH SO CUTE)

and whenever he'd stop by and stay for a few hours he brought everyone coffee and everybody actually loved him now

and they even offered to get him a free tattoo for all he's done and hE'D BE LIKE O M G UM YES

and now you and sanha were bFFs because since you two were the same age the chemistry was perfect and you were never bored around him

and the staff would be like J U S T D A T E

and you two would get matching tattoos as a symbolism and are BASICALLY DATING BUT YOU TWO ALWAYS DENY IT AND FACES TURN PINK

y'all cute ok?

#astro #astro scenarios #astro fanfic #astro fanfictions #astro au #astro reactions #astro requests #kpop reactions #kpop AU #mj #jinjin #moonbin #eunwoo #rocky #sanha

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dyk3nukem · 7 years

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all the vday asks

i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

i think so.

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?

2 years and counting!

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

I’m trying to unlearn some bad behavior, but that’s all!

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

w my first one: i hate him and he hates me but we’re civilw my second one: lmao we have each other blocked on instagram and she tried to send at least two diff people to guilttrip me about breaking up w her

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

i sure hope not!

7: Have you ever cheated?

nope!

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?

i’d want to be just friends with them for a while first, so we could establish some healthy communication and security in the relationship, and then i’d see what i’d feel comfy with .

9: What's the most important part of a relationship?

communication!!! a relationship is nothing if you guys don’t talk to each other about your wants and needs!

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

serious relationships! one time i tried to have a fling but when i was about 2 do the succ he suggested we watch sword art online and i sent him home

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

i think it can be a rly healthy thing for ppl to take a small break from being in a relationship! we all have our own burdens and issues, and sometimes we need to deal with those by ourselves, and that’s okay!

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

lmao no

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

i regret the entirety of both my relationships previous to this one tbh? my first bf i only went out with bc we were best friends and i didn’t want to lose him, but i was not at all ready to have a boyfriend. w my girlfriend, i just...yikes lol that was a bad time

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

like 15 or 16 i guess?

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?

i’ve only heard ppl say that when they’re being p*dophiles so like... no

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?

not rly tbh

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?

not personally, but if other ppl can, thats rly cute and i support them!

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

cheating, not respecting physical/emotional boundaries, murder probably

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

i ended my last one bc she crossed physical boundaries so like? other than that idk

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

i think so!

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

yeah!! all of my partners have been friends! its a solid foundation for a relationship

23: How many relationships have you had?

24: Do you think love can last forever?

i think love starts as a feeling and stays as a choice. it doesnt always feel the same, but it grows with you, so it changes as you (and your partner/s) change!

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

its a pretty thought!

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?

LMAO no way!! my mom hates my partner but i hate my mom so she can suck it

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

Don’t date someone just because you’re expected to! Wait until you’re ready!

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

of course! they’re hard as fuck, but it can work!

29: What do you notice first about another person?

their walk, how they stand, speech patterns

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

We Just Dont Know!

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

of course not! i’d be highkey hypocritical

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

yup! it sucked hella!

33: Do you want to get married one day?

i think it sounds lovely! it’s gonna take me a few years to get fully comfortable with the idea (my parents r divorced, i’ve been engaged, so it’s made me a little skittish) but i think eventually, being married would be sublime

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?

i personally wouldn’t do it, but if other ppl want to i think its rly cute

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

totes!

36: Are you still a virgin?

We Just Dont Know!

37: What's more important: Looks or personality?

Personality!

38: Do you enjoy love films?

tbh they only serve to make my heart ache

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! my partner has rose bushes all over their house and in the summer they give me roses and it’s the sweetest thing and i’ve saved all but one of them

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

my partner’s cat!

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?

they take me to an art museum, we hold hands and whisper jokes to each other. they take pictures of me while i’m not looking; i return the favor. we kiss on the bus ride home and we’re in love.

42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?

yREAHBOY HOWDY HAVE I

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?

i consider my partner a friend, so, both!

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?

if u do an xray, u find me 2 be filled with pablo neruda sonnets

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?

nah thats a stupid concept

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?

that super gay king and his boyfriend what were their names?

48: What's your favorite love song?

oh i love so many,, The Way I Am by ingrid michaelson?

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?

yeah probs

50: If you're single, why do you think you are?

i’m not :D

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?

depends on how horny i am (nice guy)

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

a little bit, ya! i think

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?

nah

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?

For me, its like? 6/10?

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?

yeah i’m trying to work on it but im,,,, really fucking clingy

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?

i dont think so

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

No reason to consider suicide is a silly reason! Emotions are hella fucking hard to handle, and it doesn’t help when you invalidate the people experiencing them.

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?

okay everyone fucking thinks my boyfriend tops but I’M THE TOP YOU GUYS

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?

nope!

60: What's your opinion on open relationships?

I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable in one, but I think they’re a healthy way to experience love!

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?

Depends on the issue I guess?

62: How do you define "cheating"?

If they do anything w/ romantic/sexual intent without clearing it w me first

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

Nope! Jerkin it is fun

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?

It’s capitalism but also i love roses

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?

yEAH holy shit yall i used to be so fuckin touch repulsed but now i die every time i’m not being held

#bunny mumbles

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thehalfworld · 7 years

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Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 2]

So it turns out I’m a dirty liar who can’t get his act together in a timely fashion. But at least I’m here now! And, boy, is this a chapter!

Just as a heads-up, things get a little sexual in this chapter, and consent isn’t established beforehand, so it does read as a bit iffy.

Recap: Sixteen-year-old Atlantiana Rebekah Loren, referred to by the nickname “Tiaa” with two As for some reason, has just started school in Forks. She’s living with new foster parents who we haven’t met yet. Also she is ethereal and smells like mint and cinnamon. The chapter ended with her bumping into Edward on the way to class.

Chapter 1

AN - VINCENT or watever ur name is thanx 4 the LAME reviw. u totall D*** no one is MAKIN u reed this fic if you dont like it then leave.

I actually really like this fic, so I shan’t be leaving. Also, Vincent’s review was actually fairly positive; he said it’s awful and he’d like to see more of it, please.

Clestal zodiac and brittany j - thanx for the advice on my character but shes not a marysue, she's not "perfect" look she has anger problems and she looks the way she does 4 a reason i will explain it as the story goes on.

Both of these reviewers called Tiaa a Mary Sue and one linked her to a Mary Sue litmus test.

I probably don’t need to say it, but Mary Sues don’t need to be perfect, just presented unrealistically. Sure, stereotypical examples are all gorgeous, multitalented teenage girls who steal the spotlight from the canon cast (Tiaa’s basically that stereotype, possibly minus the multitalented bit since that’s not been established yet), but there are loads of Mary Sue characters who don’t fit that mold exactly, or at all. I talked about the “anger problems” thing last time, and even if her looks are justified (spoilers: they aren’t, really) they’re still being dwelled on way too much. We don’t know much of anything about Forks, Tiaa’s peers, or even Edward, but we know Tiaa smells like mint and cinnamon. It’s a classic case of an author being so invested in a character that her priorities as a writer are completely off. Or it would be if this wasn’t a trollfic.

Chapter 2 - edward

The anger faded form my sapphire eyes

"whatevah" i said sweatily "I didnt mean to yell and to be ride”

My initial thought was that the author meant “sweetly” instead of “sweatily,” but I actually think “sweatily” works better because Tiaa’s probably perspiring over how hot the pale guy is. Also, come to think of it, you can totally say something sweatily and I think it’s an adverb we should all be using more often.

"thou are too beuatiful for that" he said, and for once I didnt feel like cockdropping the guy for paying me a compilement, instead I just smiled.

You see what I mean about how incredible this fic’s prose is? We just went from mangled Ye Olde English to “cockdropping” in the course of a single sentence.

No idea what “cockdropping” means but it definitely ought to be a word. BeckyMac666 is the next Shakespeare or Carroll, honestly. Voice of a generation right here.

"I'm Ewdard Cullen" he mermered "who are thee?”

Get used to that typo; Edward gets called “Ewdard” a hell of a lot in this story. Think Enoby from “My Immortal.”

"Altatntiana Loren but you can call me Tiana or mabye Tiaa" i said feeling shy at the way he was looking at me.

That typo, on the other hand, only happens once to my recollection.

I had seen THAT look in so many male eyes but never quite as intense or sexy! His eyes burned like hot gold velvet in the midday sun like peonix feathers and rainbows, so gold and magical.

There’s a lot happening in that simile. Possibly too much.

"thou reminds me of bygone times" he said, carefully retching out a shaking hand and brushing my cheek "thy face is like an old painting, thou is exceptional""

And thou art poorly written, Ewdard.

Not sure how I feel about the mental image of Edward vomiting up a hand and brushing Tiaa’s cheek with it, but it probably did improve the sentence.

"your not so shanky yourself but i couldn't help noticing you have a fricking GF, you ass! I saw u with her in the cafeteria!"

Shanky?

Just for fun, and in case anyone reading this avoided exposure to Twilight itself, let me talk a little about Edward’s portrayal so far. First off, the Ye Olde English makes no sense — Edward was bitten after falling ill during the 1918 swine flu pandemic, if memory serves, so his speech would be modern (albeit antiquated) English even assuming he didn’t pick up any phrases from being around modern teens. Second off, Edward is really disinterested in… well, everyone but Bella, and with Bella he initially freaks out because he doesn’t know how to deal with being attracted to a human. (Do I date her? Do I suck her blood?) Even if I go with the notion that he’s also into Tiaa, we know this isn’t how he behaves around someone he likes. And he’s a mind-reader, so presumably he knows what Tiaa’s thinking and could shift his behavior accordingly — except that I have a bad feeling Tiaa, like Bella, is immune from having her mind read.

The flowery descriptions are straight outta Twilight, though.

I notched his hand hard with my long black nails.

Sounds painful.

"thee DID notice me then?" he purred with a sly grin.

I mean… it’s a small school, it’s not weird that she saw you. Someone so pale he looks like printer paper tends to stand out. Also she never claimed not to have noticed him.

I was up against the wall with his face right close to me now. He wanted to sex me I could tell, and suddenly he was kissing me!

The boy wastes no time, I see. Be nice if he asked first, but… in a fic like this, I don’t know what I was expecting.

Side note: yes, this is incredibly out of character. Edward is a save-it-for-marriage kind of guy, and he’s got practical reasons — the strength difference between a vampire and a human means it’s easy for somebody (the human) to get accidentally hurt.

I felt like my slim legs would break in half and my heart expanded like a big balloon.

Can’t say that I either understand or relate to that.

I fell his hand sliding softly down my neck an underneath my top.

By this point I think we’ve moved beyond “tempation.”

He stoked my breasts for a few minutes and his man-carrot standing in action and hard as a rock against my legs.

His… man-carrot. What a fic this is!

And then he ripped my top and pulled it of me and doped it on the floor.

I can’t really say anything to make this sillier except that I think all this is still happening in the locker room of a public high school. Also they just met.

We made out for 10 minutes and then he tried to take of my bra but I pushed him away suddenly thinking WTF Tiaa are you just gonna let this total stranger take your cloths off in school where anyone could see you?

It took her ten minutes to think of this? I mean… I’ll cut her some slack, they are (presumably) alone, she’s only sixteen, and she’s very attracted to this guy. But c’mon, how did it take her this long to think “wait a minute, maybe it’s bad to engage in foreplay at school with a guy I just met who is dating somebody else”?

I'd never let a guy kiss me before or touch me and suddenly I was letting this cheating sicko with a FRICKIN GF grope me just cause he was uber hawt with sexoy hair and cold as death!

Why is his coldness being treated as a selling point here?

I was acting like a biatch and a slut and I was suddenly very ashamed of my actions.

To be fair, she didn’t really do anything. He instigated, and she just… went along with it, I guess. I wouldn’t be that ashamed. He’s the one with the girlfriend.

-BASTARD! Never touch me again!" i gapsed

"If thou thinks thou can keep thou hands of me!" he answered all smug, and I couldn't believe how he made me feel so angry and so aroosed at the same time.

I too think it’s hot when random boys start undressing me in public and then act like it’s my fault somehow while speaking in bad Ye Olde English! So aroosing!

(I’m joking. Please no one do this to me. I will call my lawyer.)

At that moment I'd never HATED anyboy more in my whole life and the worst part of it was he was SO FREAKIN HAWT I was totally creaming my panties and he NEW it, this was horible!

Really didn’t need to know the panties bit.

I felt disguised with myself and turned to leave.

"Wait! I need to speck to thee! I no your secret tiaa"he said in a quiet voce gassing into my eyes "your one of my kind. who made thee ?are you part of a coven or on thou own?

So Edward thinks Tiaa’s a vampire? While that could potentially explain some things, it also raises a hell of a lot more questions.

Like… maybe Edward felt justified in coming on strong thinking Tiaa was a vampire and therefore on equal footing with him (as opposed to how he acts with Bella). Doesn’t really fit with his character, but I’ll go with it. But Tiaa doesn’t appear to be a vampire, and so this… complicates things. A lot.

Vampires, in the Twilight world and in most myth, don’t age, yet Tiaa claims to have had a normal (albeit bad) childhood and to be only sixteen chronologically. Maybe she’s an unreliable narrator, but, if so, why is she pretending to be human, and why pull a reveal this early in the story? It also doesn’t explain her lack of other vampiric traits; she hasn’t talked about craving blood or even smelling it, her eyes are blue (Twilight vamps have black eyes when hungry, red after feeding on humans, or gold after feeding on animals), and she has no superhuman ability that we know of.

I guess Edward really can’t read her mind, or he’d know she’s not a vampire, but why isn’t he bothered at not being able to get a read on her? And are we really supposed to believe Tiaa is just so extraordinarily beautiful that a vampire assumed she was also a vampire? Because… wow.

"what-is said sharply -dude your insane! And you freakin SMELL! (he didnt really smell but I didnt no what else to say!)

Wow, owned.

"thy a CAMPIRE tia!

Gay vampire who’s into drag and musical theater?

a VAMPIRE!

Which is it?

BUT WHY CAN'T I READ THOU MIND?

Oh, he actually is bothered by that. Got it. I thought the author had forgotten Edward can read minds. Sorry, BeckyMac666, I don’t give you enough credit.

I THOUGHT BELLA WAS THE ONLY ONE BUT HERE THOU ARE! WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEEEEAN!"

He punched the wall with his buckly fist and shouted suddenly furious and his eyes flickered red.

Isn’t Buckly Fist the guy who writes Ctrl+Alt+Del?

I schlepped him hard across the face and tried to leave but he caught my waste and as I struggled and tried to hit him again he caught my hand in mid air and hammed me against the wall where his hand had already made a huge dint in the wall.

Good fight scene. I like that she schlepped (made a reluctant or arduous journey) him across the face rather than slapped him across the face. And that he hammed (overacted) her against the wall rather than slammed her against the wall. And… all the other typos.

His face was blunt and right heavy in mine.

Dunno what this means but it sounds a bit British.

My knee came up hard against his massive throbbing gigglestick between his legs and he drubbed over in pan.

Massive throbbing gigglestick.

Wow.

Good fic.

I broke free and goaded my books and started rugging away to math, but edward hand finished with me.

There’s a lot going on here and none of it makes sense but it’s all rather evocative.

"TIAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOO!"he screamed after me tearing his shrit of himself in fury and throwing it over my eyes.

Why did he throw his shirt over her face? Dude’s superhumanly fast! He could have just grabbed her if he wanted! Also, he thinks she’s a vampire, and a shirt definitely wouldn’t slow her down if she was one!

I lost my sight and was behind me breathing into my ears.

Interesting mental image.

"i'm sorry tiaa" he wimpered sadly picking me up off the floor and gazing mutely into my eyes "i didnt mean to rut thee!

“Rut” as a verb refers to a mating ritual that deer and some other mammals engage in. It’s not actual mating, or anything similar to what Tiaa and Ewdard just did; it’s when males fight each other for access to females. So far as I know, this is not a Ye Olde Worde for Sex or Rape or Throwing Your Shirt Over Someone’s Head.

I'm so contemptuos! I APOLOGIZE! THIS IS JUST SO WEIRD!"

I mean… yeah, he’s not wrong.

"YOUR so frickin weird you mean!" I snaped whitely as he lay on the floor so hawt and crying with his shirt off with his pippling body.

Hoping that “snaped” is a “My Immortal” reference.

I wanted to forgive him for calling me a vampire(VAMPIRE! I'd heard that one before from preppy losers asking if I sleep in a coffin and suck blood like LETSAT just cause I like eyeliner and listen to Linken Park)and making fun of me and trying to force me against the wall and maybe plunder my crevises but i didnt.

I actually like the detail here. A goth girl assuming that she’s being called a vampire not in a literal sense but as a comment on her fashion is… kind of funny.

Not gonna comment on that innuendo because honestly I don’t think I can say anything to make it more absurd.

I left him crying on the floor and went to find my class. As I entered math class i suddenly droped my bocks again as a flashing pain burned in my left hand as my brithmark glinted gold for a second (NO JOKE!)then I fell over.

It’s a good thing you said “no joke.” I would have assumed you were joking otherwise. Y’know, the old “my scar is glowing gold!” gag.

The pain was suddenly gone and some weirdo blond freak called Eric was helping me up and staring at me like a pervo rapist. I kicked him in the sholder (kung fu babie!)as he gazed longingly after me.

I’d maybe be more inclined to side with Tiaa on this one if she hadn’t just went along with it when a strange boy made sexual advances towards her. This dude just helped her to her feet while looking at her weird. And, to be fair, she’s not wearing a shirt.

In his frickin dreams. I sat down at the back of the class unable to think about anythin but my weird enconter with edward cullen, wondering what it all could mean.

I think it means you’re in a badfic? Could be wrong.

AN what do u think PLEASE R n R?.BIG SHoutout 2 my friend abigail gud luk for 2moro!)did u see i put the man-carrot thing in!) LMAO! Also love 2 tiffi & rach(and zaccibaby of corse!) LOVE U GUYZ SO MUCH!X X X beckymac x x

If anyone knows what language this is PM me the translation.

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment! Will Edward give in to tempation? Oh, wait, he already did, never mind.

Next chapter

#forbidenfruit.mst #fandom:twilight #halfworld.mst

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