#oh but like my kiss me question is whether she learned it actually or learned a simplified version

[daddyslilchickenfingers2]

Slutmas Day 4

Teach me (Chris)

Request: y'all are play never have I ever and madi asks "never have I ever given a blow job" and y/n like I have never and Chris is like "I mean you can practice on me" half jokingly but then y/n later confronts him about it @ermdontmindthisaccount

Warnings: reciprocated oral, learning how to give a bj, spitting, use of ma/mama, praise and degradation, slight angst, no actual sex, (mentions of Nick getting fucked as they play Never Have I Ever)

“I mean, you can always practice your blowjob skills on me”

Y/n’s pov

I was over at the triplet’s house with Madi for our Saturday night sleepover when Nick decided we should play ‘Dirty Never Have I Ever’ for fun. We obviously all agreed, deciding to sit at the kitchen table, Chris decided to be a smart ass by starting off with a question he knew would have Nick put his finger down. “Never have I ever been fucked in the ass” he loudly laughed, earning a punch from Nick, both him and Madi putting a finger down. “Never have I ever had a wet dream about someone in this room” Matt giggled, putting his finger down along with Chris and I.

“CONCERNING BEHAVIOR!” Nick yelled in disgust, it was now Madi’s turn “Never have I ever given a blowjob” she giggled as her and Nick put their fingers down. “Bitch you’ve never sucked dick before!?” Nick asked in disbelief but before I could answer, Matt added another question. “Are you a virgin? No offense if you are, just asking” he put his hands up in defense, causing me to laugh. “I’m most definitely not a virgin, I’ve just never liked a guy enough to give him a blowjob” I laughed.

Again, Chris being Chris, decided to make an outta pocket joke, “I mean you can always practice your blowjob skills on me” he said before obnoxiously laughing at everyone’s faces. This caused my face to heat up and made my mind go crazy. “Don’t say shit like that you perv” Madi told him in a serious tone. We continued playing until Nick had to put all 10 of his fingers down, that kid is a fucking freaky freak. Once we finished with the game we decided to watch a few movies until everyone started going their separate ways to bed.

Madi and Nick had gone off to his room, leaving me to decide between Matt and Chris for whose room I wanted to sleep in. “Who are you gonna snuggle with tonight Y/n/n” Chris joked, wiggling his eyebrows, “I’m not in the mood to cuddle tonight and I want to go straight to bed. So if you wanna sleep in my room you can but it’s gonna be boring” Matt said tiredly rubbing his eyes. “Chris’ room it is then” I said before giving Matt a hug and a kiss on the cheek “Goodnight Bernard” I sang as Matt gave me an unamused look before heading into his room.

Me and Chris headed down to his room to get changed and brush our teeth, I still couldn’t get what he said earlier out of my head. “I mean you can always practice your blowjob skills on me” not only did that sentence oddly turn me on, it also made me question whether he was actually joking or not. As I was combing my hair, I stood in front of Chris who was sitting on the edge of his bed on his phone. “Can I help you ma’am?” he grinned, quirking his eyebrow at me with a little giggle.

“Actually, yes, I have a question only you can answer. Why’d you say that when we were playing Never Have I Ever?” I questioned, setting my brush down on his desk. Chris looked a little confused, “Say what?” “Uh y-you know, when you said i could practice my blowjob skills on you” I said with a deep blush across my face. He too had a lighter shade of pink paint his cheeks, “I don’t know… I thought it was funny” he tried to shrug it off like nothing. I gave him a disappointed look before sitting next to him on the bed, “Oh… okay then” I replied, causing his eyebrows to furrow together.

“Nevermind” I added on, looking down at my fingers, picking at the skin around my nails. “Huh? Come on, you know I hate when you shutdown like this” Chris said slightly annoyed, “Sorry, I was just gonna asks if you were being serious and could, I don’t know, maybe teach me how to give head?” I blushed heavily, looking back down after seeing his wide eyed expression. “What!? You want me to teach you how to suck someone off!? That’s more of a Nick question than a me question” Chris asked confused and slightly offended.

I quietly said “That’s not what I meant, but- nevermind. It was a stupid idea anyway, I-I’ll just go sleep in Matt’s room. I’m sorry” I told him, upset with myself. I let out a deep sigh, pushing my hair out of my face so I could leave his room before the tears welled up in my eyes could start falling. Chris grabbed my wrist to keep me from walking to the door “Did I do something wrong? Woah, woah, woah, wait! Are you about to cry?” he asked, now extreme concerned with my behavior.

“It’s nothing, just let me go dude” I struggled to get out of his grip, “Y/n, just fucking tell me what you meant!” he angrily stated, gripping onto both of my wrists now. “I was asking if you could teach me by letting me suck your dick! Is that better asshole!?” I raised my voice at him, my anxiety getting the better of me. I felt like a complete idiot, I should’ve just kept my damn mouth shut and I should’ve known he was just joking. Chris started blushing, moving his hands from around my wrists so he could properly hold my hands.

“Oh well… uh- I um was being serious when I said you could practice on me, I just didn’t think you’d actually want to. You know because you said you’ve never liked a guy enough to give him head so, I don’t know. I just assumed you were trying to be annoying like I was, I’m really sorry Y/n/n.” Chris said sincerely. “It’s okay” I sighed back as he let my hands go so I could sit on the bed next to him. “If you really want me to teach you, I will but I can’t just get hard like that” he said with reddened cheeks.

“Plus I’d like feel bad if I cum and you don’t, you know what I mean? Females should always cum first, in my opinion. At least that’s what I do, not that I’ve had sex with a lot of women or anything, my body count is literally three. I always have done a lot of foreplay too though so I could teach you, you’d just have to get me hard first and let me make you cum. Unless you don-“ Chris nervously rambles. “Chris, you’re rambling” I giggled, “Just shut the hell up and kiss me already!” I playfully shoved him.

“Oh trust me, I’m gonna do way more than just kiss you” Chris smirked, moving to sit up against his headboard, “Take your shorts off and come ‘ere. Want you on my lap, mama” he said lowly. I did as he said be slowly got onto his lap, “Hi” I giggled nervously causing Chris to chuckle. “Hi pretty girl” he replied back, pushing some hair behind my ear before resting his hand on my cheek, “If you wanna stop at any point, just let me know and I’ll stop. No questions asked, okay?” he said sincerely.

I nodded before l grabbed his jaw and smashed our lips together, catching him by surprise. Chris’ tongue immediately swiped across my bottom lip and I quickly gave him access, both our tongues fighting for dominance. His hands went from gripping my waist, down to my ass to help me start grinding on him. I started to move a little bit faster which caused Chris to slap my ass, resulting in me pulling away from the kiss to let out a whimpery moan.

“Fuck, I’m sorry” Chris said as his cheeks flushed, “It’s okay, I like it rough” I teased. This made Chris’ eyes go dark as he got fully hard beneath me, “What a freak” he mumbled as his hand came up to choke me and bring me down for another kiss. During this kiss, Chris flipped us over so he was on top, quickly pulling off his pajamas pants and my shirt, stopping to admire my body for a minute.

“Goddamn, you’re sexy baby” Chris groaned and he started kissing up and down my neck before making his way to my breasts. He took my right nipple into his mouth while toying with the left before switching and leaving a few hickies on them. Continuing his kisses downwards, he finally reached my panties, placing a soft kiss against my covered clit. “Mhm Chris… no teasing” I whined, “Sorry, sorry. Can I take these off?” he chuckled while toying with my panties.

“Please, I just need your mouth and fingers already!” I whined again, causing a shiver to go down Chris’ spine as he removed my panties. Chris was almost drooling at the sight, vulgarly spitting onto my pussy before slapping it, resulting in a loud moan for me. “Knew you’d like that you little slut” he growled before diving straight in to eating me out, immediately fucking his tongue into me while his fingers toyed with my clit.

I looked down to find Chris already staring back up at me, his icy blue eyes now clouded with lust. When he switched his fingers and mouth, my hands flew to his hair and gave it a hard tug, causing Chris to groan against me. “Chris please more…” I whined, resulting in him adding another finger, stretching me out some more. He looked up at me completely pussy drunk, I never knew he liked giving head so much but I’m not complaining.

“Fuck baby, s-so good!” I whimpered causing Chris to pull his face away for a second. He once again, vulgarly spit onto my pussy, “Can’t get enough of the way you taste ma! Need you to cum in my fucking mouth” he grunted before getting back to work. Chris added a fourth finger, stretching me out so nicely as he sucked on my clit while flicking it with his tongue.

“Oh shit baby fuck I’m gonna cum!” I cried out as I pulled his hair harder and started grinding on his face. Chris let out a few groans which sent vibrations through my core, causing me to cum all over his face and fingers. He pulled his fingers out of me and stuck them into his mouth to suck off my juices before catching his breath. “You look so hot right now Chris, can’t wait to learn how to suck you off” I innocently smiled.

“Yeah, you excited? I’m gonna be nice and I won’t make you get on your knees, we can do while laying down, I think that’ll be easier for you” Chris smiled back at me. “What do I do? How do I start?” I questioned while taking his boxers off, gasping at his size. “Here give me your hand…” he wrapped my hand around the base of his cock “…there you go. Now I need you to spit on the tip for me, yeah just like that” he instructed me once again.

“Now you’re going to spread it down my cock, the you’re gonna want to start by teasing the tip with your m-mouth” I kind of knew what to do because of porn so I just went straight into it, hoping I was doing it right. I wrapped my lips around the tip, lightly sucking and flicking my tongue across his slit before slowly inching more of his length into my mouth. “Holy- goddamn you’re good at this already!” Chris groaned out, already feeling the pleasure and loving the sight on me.

I pulled away for just a second to ask a question but continued pumping my hand, “Do I um start to deepthroat you now?” I asked. He let out a whiny broken moan, “If you want to y-you can, I just don’t wa-want you to fo-force yourself to do it” he said it so sincerely too. I decided to try anyways and surprisingly I was able to take all of it at once without gagging. “Good girl, just like that, oh fuck mamas” he moaned while guiding my head up and down on his cock.

“Can I- shit! Can I cum in your mouth? I’m so close please ma” he asked, I replied with a moan while looking into his eyes. I full deepthroated him as he came down my throat casing me to moan again. I sucked out every last drop until you pulled me off of him with a pop. “Mhm, you taste so good. Did I do it right?” I smirked already knowing the answer. “Jesus fuck ma, you did so good, I can’t believe that was your first time giving head. C’mer I’m fucking spent and wanna cuddle now” he panted out.

“Who knew you were such a big simp after cumming” I teased. “Shut up and give me your attention!” Chris whined, making me laugh before crawling next to him to cuddle as we both were extremely tired. “Goodnight loser, I’m going to sleep now” I giggled as I kissed his cheek, “Goodnight kid” he smiled back as he held me closed and placed a kiss on my forehead before we drifted off to sleep.

Tag List: @angelic-sturniolos111 @biimpanicking @chrisenthusiast @christinarowie332 @dev-speaks @ermdontmindthisaccount @flowerxbunnie @fionaheartswomen @kvtie444 @lustfulslxt @mangosrar @mangoposts @recklesssturniolo @strniohoeee @sturnphilia @solarsturniolo @soursturniolo

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©️ Daddyslilchickenfingers2

Do not steal my work

[melodrangea]

halloween never really ends for me so could i request maka, soul, and dtk with a vampire s/o? thank you :>

absolutely my dear, all reign halloween!

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Soul Eater Characters with a Vampire S/O

Soul "Eater" Evans

-would think it's mad cool, only adding to his 'cool persona'

-I mean a cool guy like him should have a cool S/O too

-only thing that would worry him is the whole "drinking blood" thing

-but once you explain that you usually only get blood from vendors (like Sarah in My Babysitter's a Vampire) or from bad people you fight (technically kishin souls still have human blood I think)

-Soul absolutely love your sharper vampire teeth, he has pretty sharp teeth too so he thinks it's fun that you two match

(plus he thinks it's hot to leave bite marks on him and the same for you)

-wouldn't let you drink his blood if you needed too out of fear for his lack blood spreading but he will either find someone else to help you or figure something else out

-do not walk on the ceiling around this man, he will scream and cry

-only thing he isn't a fan of is the whole 'never sleeping' part, like Soul needs sleepy cuddles to function, so you're being dragged whether it's you staring at the ceiling at night or not

-overall 8/10; isn't really bothered but it's not like he absolutely adores for the sake of being a vampire, he just likes you for you

Maka Albarn

-oh ho ho she thinks you're hot

-if you have the stereotypical "vamp goth" fashion style, she will do anything you ever ask of her

-she will be staring at you with red tinted heart glasses

-(and don't even get me started on when you bit her lip with your vamp teeth while making out)

-does find you being a vampire very interesting and will often ask you a lot of questions about what it's like

-it has crossed her mind more than once that you will outlive her by a long while but you always just kiss her until she forgets; deciding to save that issue for a later time

-she doesn't mind a lot of the you being a vampire quirks

-like you'll be climbing the wall and she'll just hand you a duster

"can you get that spot in the corner for me babe?"

-would probably be the only one on the list to let you drink her blood if you needed to

-but would also offer you other options and solutions first(let's be honest she has you on a schedule so you know when you need to feed so situations like that don't happen)

-Maka often stays up fairly late studying so she likes that you don't really sleep so you can keep her company

-overall: 11/10; Maka loves you so much and would do anythgin for you, please just cuddle this poor thing

Death the Kid

-probably the most apprehensive about you being a vampire out of the three

-once you get into a relationship he will actually learn to appreciate it

-I headcannon that as a grim reaper Kid doesn't really sleep much either, maybe a few hours but he doesn't need more than that

-so you both will be able to spend time with each other during the night when most are asleep <3

-will not under any circumstance let you drink his blood, as much as he wants to help you, there is no way to make the bite marks even on both sides of his neck or both wrists etc...

-but he will personally purchase blood from a blood bank or pay someone to regularly donate for you (rich boy privileges)

-another one to have a calendar or schedule to make sure you get the blood you need but will be less obvious about it then Maka though, would probably just make a light handed comment

"it's been a few days do you think you will need blood soon?"

-Kid will also be so happy that you're a vampire for the same reason Maka is worried, you will live a lot longer than a normal human being

-when Kid takes over as Lord death he will be semi immortal so he's so thankful that you will live just about as long as he will

-the rest of you being a vampire...not so much unfortunately

-like you will terrify him to his soul if you walk onn a wall

-and heavens forbid if your fangs aren't symmetrical

-but just love on him until he forgets about whatever he's rambling about and you're fine

-would be another to appreciate goth fashion, he would get you two matching outfits as your styles are similar <3

overall 9/10; I cannot think of a better part for Kid than an immortal being like himself, you guys will get to spend the better part of a thousand years with each other <3

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that's all my loves!

hope you enjoyed anon

-Melodrangea <3

[radiant-reid]

hi cate! this is my first ask sooo i’m nervous to send this tee hee but i love your acc and i’ve got a front row seat on the hot wife wagon 🤪 and let me tell you cate i have thoughts. lots of them.

but what do you think about dr. hot wife stitching up spencer in the ER after a case? like she’s doting on him and bringing him jello and being extra gentle and stuff. and if the team doesn’t know and sees them they’re like 👀👀 “where’d she learn those bedside manners??” “can i get some stitches too?” ok that’s all. i love you and what you do have a great one!! 💖

oh i love this so much and don't be nervous, i love hearing what you think

"What happened?" She asks, walking into the crowded room. Spencer's sitting on the edge of the bed, Morgan's sitting on the chair and Hotch is standing. "I'm Doctor L/n." She introduces herself to them as an afterthought.

Spencer smiles at her voice, pointing to the cut on his forehead. "Someone tried to mess up my pretty face."

She laughs as she turns away to get some gloves. "Well, they didn't succeed." She assures him. "I am going to have to stitch it up, though, so keep your head still."

She grabs what she needs to stitch the sutures into his open wound, standing in between his legs in a way that she wouldn't with any other patient. Spencer, on the other hand, acts professionally and keeps his hands on his thighs.

"So what actually happened?" She asks instead of waiting until they get home.

"I got hit in the back of the head by an unsub and fell into a glass mirror." Spencer answers.

Y/n's eyes widen, but she's happy he's there and only slightly hurt. Being thrown into a mirror could do a lot worse. "Sounds like 7 years of bad luck to me." She says jokingly.

"I don't know." He disagrees. "I think I'm pretty lucky, but I can try it out if it'll help with your assessment."

"Mm, okay." She agrees, carefully working on his face.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He asks.

Morgan and Hotch's eyes snap to each other, exchanging odd looks as they both silently wonder whether or not Spencer has a concussion because he has never been that flirty. In all the years they've known him, a question like that or one with those implications has never come out of his mouth.

"I'm married, actually." She answers.

"So I'm going to have to wait out my 7 years of bad luck before asking you out?" He wonders with a pout.

Morgan holds a hand over his open mouth, and Hotch starts worrying they're about to have to deal with a sexual harassment lawsuit.

But she laughs, and not like she's trying to politely shut him down. "I don't know. I'm kind of fond of him."

"I'm going to go see if the rest of the team is here." Morgan awkwardly says, getting out of his chair and leaving the three of them in the room.

"Okay, I think you're good." She says, finishing off the tidy stitch. "Did they check you for a concussion?"

Hotch takes his chance to defend Spencer before he says something unusually stupid. "No, he could have one- he probably has one. He's not usually like this."

She nods, taking off her gloves. "Any memory loss, nausea, unconsciousness, confusion, headaches?" She lists to both of them.

"None of that." Spencer denies. "But I did want to ask if I could take you out on a date."

"Yes, lots of behavioral change," Hotch answers for him.

Y/n looks sternly at her husband. "I won't hesitate to send you for a CT scan." She threatens although she knows he's teasing her because his eidetic memory is working perfectly. It also hilarious to see him freaking his boss out.

"Please, if you're going to come with me." He flirts.

She shakes her head with a little smile, pulling away from him. "Sorry, I've got other patients to see. Do you need anything else?"

He stops short of asking for a kiss. "Just some jello, please."

"Because you used your manners, I'll bring you two." She agrees before leaving the room.

"You don't need jello for one stitch and a few bruises," Hotch tells him once he's sure she's out of earshot.

Spencer shakes his head. "I mean, I should at least stay to say goodbye."

Morgan catches everyone else up as they walk through the hospital and towards Spencer's room. "He was flirting with her. Like actively hitting on her, trying to get her to go out with him."

"We've got to see this." JJ agrees, nods coming from everyone else.

"Wait." Morgan stops them, gesturing to Y/n, who's talking to a nurse. "Her."

They look more surprised then than they did when Morgan informed them of Spencer's odd behavior. "She was flirting with Reid?" Rossi asks in disbelief.

"I'm going to go check myself in," Emily declares, earning a chuckle from the rest of them.

They watch as she walks toward Spencer's room with jello cups. "He's not even getting admitted," JJ says, shaking her head in disbelief. "She's definitely into him."

"Go and watch them flirt. It's disgusting." Morgan says, and the irony is not lost on any of them.

She's spoon-feeding him the jello when they walk into the room like he's got broken hands. "Hey, guys, this is Doctor L/n." Spencer introduces them.

"And I'm guessing she doesn't treat all of her patients like this," Hotch mutters loud enough to have them all laughing.

[nicohischierz]

cruel summer: nico hischier x devs!player

you loved spending your summers with nico in switzerland. this summer was no different.

except nico’s ex-girlfriend was in town and made it her mission to spend every waking moment with him.

you found out she was back one morning when you were seated outside his childhood home with his mother, katja, learning some swiss-german.

nico’s ex had spotted katja and shouted a greeting, running over to the older woman and embracing her in a hug.

katja returned the gesture, although she did furrow her eyebrows when she looked over to you. the woman was shocked to say the least at her arrival.

“andrea, i didn’t know you were back. how are you?” katja asked gesturing to take a seat next to you.

andrea smiled and took the seat, not even looking at your side. “well i missed this place so much, i thought i’d get on the next flight and come home,” she explained.

you weren’t sure whether to introduce yourself or to leave, so you sat in silence until luca came out and noticed andrea.

“y/n, nico and i are going on a hike do you want to - andrea?” the older hischier brother stopped and looked between you and andrea.

the woman in question got up and launched herself into luca’s arms “oh i’ve missed you luca! it has been far too long since we’ve hung out,” she cried.

whilst andrea was preoccupied with luca, katja leaned across to you and whispered “i don’t know why she is back but i would tell nico to watch out,”

and katja was right.

for the past two weeks, andrea would come over to the hischier house early in the morning and follow nico around like a puppy.

whenever nico was sitting next to you andrea would be on the other side of him. if he needed something andrea would hurry to get it for him.

you never actually got a chance to talk to her until tonight. two weeks after the girl had made her appearance, katja and rino were having a dinner to celebrate your extension with the team.

“i don’t think we’ve formally met, i’m y/n, nico’s girlfriend,” you introduced yourself, holding a hand out to her.

andrea shot you a smile, which you could tell was fake, and returned the gesture. “andrea. i thought you were his teammate?” she questioned.

luckily, nico was behind the two of you and answered her question. “she is my teammate and my girlfriend,”

the answer made you smile. so you leaned up and pecked his lips, leaving your boyfriend a blushing mess.

that night, andrea continued doting on nico which made you feel like a bad girlfriend. upon reflection, you realised nico spent most of his time taking care of you than you did taking care of him.

that night you texted jack.

it was almost immediate when he replied your plane ticket attached and the promise to pick you up. he also assured you that your doctors appointment had been booked.

there were only five people who knew about your secret. nina, katja, your mother, ellen and now jack.

with a sigh on your lips and a quick glance over your shoulder, you thanked the hischier family for accommodating you before luca drove you to the airport.

nico woke up to a cold bed and a pit in his stomach. he thought you might’ve joined his brother on a morning walk but when he saw luca trailing in without he worried.

“where is y/n?” he asked.

his family didn’t say anything. it didn’t help that andrea took that exact moment to walk in and place a kiss on nico’s cheek, despite him pushing her away.

“she’s gone,” nina replied, grabbing her plate and bumping into nico’s ex. she had enjoyed spending time with you and was excited for what you had planned for tonight.

nico was stunned. you wouldn’t leave him like that, not after everything you’ve been through.

“what a shame, she seemed like a nice girl. nico i wanted to tell you alex and hannah wanted us to join their date,” andrea butted in.

rino left the room to call you and katja just shook her head.

“stop it!” nico yelled.

“all you’ve done since you’ve been here is folllow me around and it’s annoying. now get out of my house, i don’t want to see you!” he continued.

andrea faltered suddenly before she made her way to the door, embarrassed of her actions.

“luca, please tell me where she is,” nico pleaded with his older brother.

“she went to michigan,”

nico booked the next flight out with only one thought in mind. he took a cab to jack’s house hoping his friend could help.

but luke answered the door and near slammed it in his face again.

“luke please, i just need to know if she’s okay,”

but luke left the door and called his oldest brother. quinn, being the more level headed brother walked out of the house to talk to nico.

but before quinn has the chance to close the door and drown the inside noise out nico can hear you yelling.

“luke hughes you did not just tell a pregnant woman to lie on the floor!”

those words made nico freeze but quinn just shook his head and told nico to follow him.

[azurlily]

Hello! May I ask for stalker/pervert yumeko x fem!reader (sfw And nsfw)

OH HO HO!! YES Y E S YESSSS!!! Sorry I haven't been active, mental health and all, but I'm doing somewhat better and this is one of the first I'm working on to get a good bit of stuff outta my drafts. This isn't all that dark, but I'm still giving a warning. Also(to anyone that actually reads these) this started stalkerish and developed into yandere territory. I apologize, but I couldn't help myself. CNC is briefly mentioned but not gone over.

Stalker!Yumeko Jabami x Fem!reader

Now, this is a somewhat unlikely situation. Yet, somehow, it still happened. So how did this even start, why is Yumeko following you home, why does she get all antsy when she cant be around you?

So many questions, so few answers. The only way to truly get Yumekos attention is to stand out. Not in a way she has already seen before, so there are few ways to do that.

You could have beaten her in a gamble, the higher the stakes the more interested she is. You could have possibly been a kind, and genuinely good person. People like that aren't seen as much at Hyakkaou, so it be someone she is very much interested in. Maybe you're a masochist and you lost to Yumeko, seeing you happy to lose would definitely turn her on and interest her...as long as you're not creepy like Midari.

Anyway, despite whatever peaked her interest about you...yeah you're hers now. So have fun. Yumeko is the last person you'd want to defy, I mean...have you met the girl? At first she isn't obvious about her recognition of you. No, she watches you, she even has others watch you for her. You, wether you're oblivious or not, will still notice odd behavior from those around you.

Maybe some of those ruder to you are nicer, maybe vice versa. It doesn't matter, you're going to realise at some point you're being tailed. When you do, that's when the icy hot hell that is Yumeko Jabami makes me debute to you. Or well second debute.

Before you learn all about her "nefarious" plans and she's still watching you creepily. She goes after you, in more ways than one. She watches you leave ethe bathroom, and go in. Yumeko just wants to make sure you're not being privately bullied...that's all.

She also follows you home, maybe she'll buy(just a reminder Yumeko is rich as hell) a car. One that looks like an everyday car, or an exact copy of one that lives near your house. You wouldn't suspect seeing your neighbors car right behind you...right?

Yumeko is fucking crazy, let's put that out there. I've more than likely said it once, but I'll say it again if needed. She. is. crazy. So after she's is caught stalking you, she wont lie. She'll tell you straight up, she's in love, well her idea of love. Her fucked up, disgusting idea of love. Yumeko is very blunt, she explains her intentions and what she wants. At least what she things she wants.

Whether you choose to date her or not essentially decides the outcome of your little interaction. Saying yes, immediately fucks you over, she no longer has to hide her stalker tendencies. Saying no, well she'll pretend she didn't hear it and the next day at school Yumeko announces your relationship.

She's also very touchy(yes, she's a pervert too) she likes putting her hand up your skirt and will smile. Yumeko likes to hig you from behind, why? Because that means she can touch your tits. Big or small, nonexistent or very obviously existant. She loves your chest, she love you, and therefore any and every part of you.

She likes to show you off, by that I mean she'll kiss and love on you while she's gambling. You just look so cute to her, shaking and looking away in embarrassment.

I feel like Yumeko as a stalker is giving her yandere tendencies, but toned down. She goes from stalker to the well known term: crazy girlfriend. She needs you round all the time, she cant gamble without you. She can't walk home without you, she hates leaving you.

You're her lucky charm, you make things better. She can talk about her sister, how she really feels. She doesn't always need to smile and act dopey. She can be anything without worry...and if you dislike something she cant just tie you up and have you miss a few school days...

Now, Yumeko is a less than savory person when you think about it. While she does her best to love you in every way she knows. It takes her a while, especially if you said no to dating her at first. She really cant help herself, she wants to show you things...but how can she trust you?

I'd say it takes months before she finally tells you everything, well everything that you didn't know. She trusts you to tell you hoe she really feels, hoe her fucked up mind decided you were her chosen protector.

Even if she was stalking you a lot to begin with. It was all in good faith, I mean look now. You two are inseparable, not that she let's you leave her, but that doesn't matter.

In her eyes, you're perfect, no matter the horrible things she's done. No matter how much she touches you in odd and somewhat disturbing ways. You don't leave, she'd die if you did. Yumeko Jabami, current heiress to the Jabami clan.

She has put so much effort into you, into helping you gamble, helping you with debt, helping you with class work. She cant leave you...and if she has to strike a deal for a student life plan. All to keep your with her. She will.

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD

Sex is something else with her. Yumeko being the person she is, I highly doubt she's a virgin. No, she's had her fair share of men and women. Learning that she was particularly interested in girls help in her decided what to do with her interest in you.

Yumeko knows how to work your body. She puts on the cutesy loving girlfriend act...then eats you until you're trying(and failing) to pull her head away. Yumeko loves oral so this just makes things all the more fun for her.

Now of course just because she favors orla doesn't mean she doesn't like other things. When you two start dating she no longer needs to watch you as you go home...no she can drive you home herself. And she can also make you ride a vibrator the entire ride.

Yumeko loves humiliation(especially the stalker/pervert version of her) the idea of you crying and shaking after you been riding a toy for hours. She's been laughing at the faces you make, the whines, she'll pull on your hair and call you a slut.

Maybe take a few pictures, she loves to look through them during class when she's bored.

Oh, but seeing you all needy in public riles her up too. You're horny in public, maybe at school? Bathroom. She'll fuck you in the stall and then take a picture so she can create and album of you in the future. She likes to write the exact date and time of your little game.

Going back to the humiliation thing, if you end up doing it in a school or public bathroom. Prepare yourself, she taunt and belittle you.

You'll be so shaken up from her fucking you though, you hear very little of what she's saying. Whether that is a blessing or a curse is entirely up to you.

If it wasn't already obvious, one of Yumekos universally favorite things to do is overstimulation. Seeing you beg for mercy(that you will not be getting) after 5 orgasms is the best thing to ever grace her ears. It's an intoxicating sound, keep making it. The more you beg for mercy the longer it'll take for her to even want to stop.

Yumeko is a dominant and sadistic person in general. That goes over to the bedroom too. We see Yumeko get horny off of gambling, so she most definitely does a small coin flip or some form of small gamble.

It could decided whose on top(even though in the end you'll be bent over her knee crying her name), maybe it decides what toys you use, maybe if you win the gamble Yumeko wont punish as hard...

"So good for me, my good girl! Aww, are those tears for me? Thank you, I'm glad you know you place, sweet girl!"

She likes to mix praise in with her degradation. Calling you a mixture of darling, baby, good girl, sweetie, sweet girl, my love, sweetheart, princess(her favorite), ect. She has an extremely large variety of words for you. In and out of bed.

Stalker!Yumeko most definitely has a consent non-consent kink. I am not interested in getting into that unless specifics asked. Do with that information what you will.

Anyway, Yumeko and cat ears are like the ocean and salt. You can't really have one without the other. While Yumeko uses her money to buy you expensive lingerie sets, she also buys you cute costumes.

Maid, puppy, kitty, ect. She will dress you up with dog ears and an anal plug tail, or cat ears and an anal plug cat tail. Maybe even a bunny suit...definitely a bunny suit. Yumeko will also dress up if you ask, anything you want.

If you like the idea of a cute bunny girl dominating you until you (s)cream... Yumeko can and will do everything to set that fantasy up.

Now aftercare with Yumeko is an interesting situation. At first she doesn't know what it is, no matter if she's been with men or women. Top or bottom. She's never understood why she needed to care for someone. Mainly because she never cared for the others like she does you.

Yumeko loves you, therefore she does research into aftercare. Mainly out of fear that you'll slip into sub drop. She does her best with food and comfortable clothes, a warm bath and good television. She knows that isn't all that's required though, she reminds herself that you need to reminded you're loved.

All in all(and I do genuinely believe this) Yumeko is a good lover. Stalker!ver or not. She does love you, Yumeko shows her love to those she cares about. It's different and sometimes weird, and sometimes it's completely stupid and makes her look dumb. She does understand things better than you'd think.

Hi I'm updating again. This is one of the many in my inbox, after I get down to a decent and not so overwhelming number I will begin to open my inbox(commissions will stayed closed. You can request like normal when I open requests again, I'd like to build a bigger platform before I do commissions.

If you want to be told exactly when this comes out I'm now willing to @ you. So just ask in the comments and I will add you for every post after this one.

[herpartnerintime]

why I believe bae never ends platonic and only ends romantic

I just need to express my feelings about how I believe Bae never ends platonic and always ends romantic. Ever since it was revealed in Double Exposure both endings will be in the game, fans have begun wondering if you'll get a choice for Max and Chloe to be a couple or not. This is likely because fans saw how you get the option to say we were friends or we were high school sweethearts on the Bay path.

A lot of people actually misunderstood this as Bae dialogue even though Safi asks about blue haired Chloe - we learn more in the gameplay where we discover Max is so secretive about her past Safi doesn't even know she's from Oregon and this happens after the establishing your ending convo, so it makes sense to me Max can half truth with her - she did fall in love with Chloe in high school. But how can she explain the week that never was? It makes sense to me she'd say something like "we were in love in high school, but it didn't work out' than say "we were in love in high school and I let her die" this way she gives Safi a half truth. But I feel like many misunderstand the 'we were friends' option in that, many believe like they did in the first game you can control if Max has feelings for Chloe or not, which translates to if they'll be a couple or not on Bae and why some feel a choice will be given if they are just friends or couple on bae. This has always been so frustrating for me as someone who has played the game so many times, so many times I have lost count, and has explored everything the game has to offer, including every journal entry it's possible for Max to write. And Max's feelings for Chloe exist no matter what. You can choose Warren for the date and not kiss Chloe on the dare, you can make all the choices that upset her, and it doesn't erase her feelings for Chloe. You can't erase how Max wished she kissed her. If you don't kiss Chloe..

I would have, but I didn't like being dared like it was some big deal. Maybe I am scared. Of what? I think I'm too young for marriage. And Chloe and I might kill each other. I've never been so glad to see Chloe in my life. The second I saw her blue hair and that beautiful pissed off face, I kind of regretted not kissing her when she double dared me. Maybe if she had double dog dared me... Max has feelings for Chloe and the truth of the first game is whether or not you make your Max brave enough to act on her feelings for Chloe. Kinda like how you choose if you're brave enough to make her come out of the closet for Chloe, you're also deciding if she's brave enough to act on the feelings she has for Chloe.

Chloe daring Max to kiss her was her attempt to see if Max felt the same way she was feeling, if the signals she was picking up Max was picking up too (such as moments like "Girls of course! Girls Oh La La, You look cute with your hair soaked in Chemicals" "You would know!") If Max doesn't kiss her on the dare, Chloe is left feeling like Max doesn't feel the same way - though she still lets Max know when they talk about dating and boys nobody is good enough for Max but HER and that Max would crush on Rachel too because she's smart, sexy and sassy like me. Max even has dreams of Chloe making fun of her breast size and calling her a little girl and making out with other people in front of her. Max writes at the end of her journal if you don't kiss dare Chloe Is that the power of love... or friendship? I believe you're about to find out, Max Caulfield. She's still questioning. Even as she tries to convince herself they are more 'family than couple' she still ends her journal wondering if they are more than friends. And here's the heartbreaking part. If you choose to let Chloe die, if you sacrifice her, Max, because she wasn't brave enough to act on her feelings DOESN'T kiss Chloe. She lets Chloe die and never expresses the feelings she had for her. And so they do just remain friends. Max has to make the move for that kiss because Chloe doesn't believe Max feels the same way, as she texts Warren if you don't kiss her. So you the player have to make Max brave enough. But when you choose to save Chloe on the cliff, Chloe says, "Max.... I'll always be with you." She's expressing her love in those words, you can hear the love in her voice, she understands the act of love Max just did by saving her, and so she promises Max always. And Max says forever. And this act of love in saving Chloe answers the question, 'Is that the power of love....or friendship?" It was the power of love. And so Max and Chloe realize how they feel even if previously they didn't know. I get very upset and angry when people try and claim this is a platonic ending if Max didn't kiss her on the dare. I see it on other platforms outside tumblr. It triggers me honestly, feels homophobic to try and say this ending can just be platonic and they spend their together forever as platonic besties. It feels like "gal paling' them, it feels like Sappho and Her Friending Max and Chloe. It feels like something people wouldn't do if they were a man and a woman, but do because they're both girls. Max and Chloe have feelings outside your control. Those feelings wouldn't disappear in their always and forever, and they wouldn't spend their forever together denying their feelings for each other either. The comics went the path of them taking a little more time to openly admit to their feelings but the feelings they had existed and couldn't be resisted any longer. So there's no way they spend ten years together in denial they love each other as more than friends. That's why I don't believe there will be a choice on Bae. Because Bae only ends romantic.

[r0ckgoblin]

My pretty girl- b.ramsey x co-star gf!reader

summary: Bella deciding to be a tad bit petty to an interviewer who was being to flirtatious for comfort.

a/n: this is so short I’m sorry, hope you like it though:)) also I don’t think Bella would be the type to act like this, I’d just thought this would be cute:)) also I feel like I have no writing skills whatsoever…

warnings: fluff(?), tinge of jealousy, poor grammar most likely

stepping out of the limo, you smile seeing the flashing lights and hearing the people shout your name. the paparazzi compete for you attention with various iterations of, “Y/N OVER HERE!” and“Y/N LOOK THIS WAY!”.

you try your best, smiling and waving in different directions. your team leads you down the carpet directing you to your first interview.

“hi! y/n how are you?” the interviewer smiles brightly.

“i’m wonderful! how about you?” you ask.

“i’m amazing, i’m actually ecstatic to me your first interview of the night.”

“awe that’s so sweet you’re too kind.” you giggle.

“so first question i guess, you play y/c/n in the last of us, and she’s tagging along with joel and ellie, how do you feel about her relationships with the duo?” she questions you holding eye contact the whole time.

“wow! okay, great question, I love that actually. I want to try and answer this without spoiling it for those who haven’t…well played the game yet.”

“oh of course, of course.” the interviewer nods her head.

“um… I guess knowing what happens between them and..” you pause trying to find the right words, “I don’t know, these characters are so great and so well written. The relationships of friends and almost family are so strong and beautiful and so very important to this story.”

“wow so adorable”, the interviewer responds. she ask a few more questions, some about the show and some about what you’re wearing. she’s very flirty with most of the questions but you brush it off, because most of them are that way.

what you didn’t see is your partner bella watching from across the way. they watched intently as the interviewer flirted with you. they could also see you not playing into any of it. they weren’t worried that you would because they know how loyal you were. but, they were jealous nonetheless because everyone knew you two were together, you had been public about it since filming wrapped. how could people be so dumb.

“well y/n it was a amazing to meet you in the flesh. i hope we meet again. and i’ve been just meaning to say you’re so very pretty.”

bella heard the last part on their way over to you. they walked up behind you wrapping their arms tightly around your waist. you shriek not know who it was but you feel a kiss in your bare shoulder reassuring you to who the person behind you was. you giggled loudly, leaning back into bella.

“there’s my pretty girl.” they sayputting heavy emphasis on ‘my’. they come to your side grabbing you hand and starts dragging you playfully away.

“oh well bye, guess that my que to go” you laugh loudly, blushing at the camera.

you and bella finish the carpet together, their hand on you the entire time, whether it be holding your hand or resting around your waist.

you were slightly confused, sure they were super touchy, but they were more like that in private. the two of you enter the building with guides escorting you to your seats.

as you walk you mention bella’s behavior “so what’s up with you handsy?” you ask playfully.

“nothing just holding onto what’s mine that’s all. felt like the people needed a reminder.” they say smuggly.

“oh?” you raise your eyebrows grinning widely.

“yeah, especially that interviewer. the one with the eyes.”

“the eyes?” you banter.

“i saw the way she was looking at you. she had wandering eyes, she needs to learn to keep them to herself.” she says pulling out your chair for you.

“oh yeah? you jealous or something?” you say playfully.

“Oh please.” they roll their eyes and kiss you on the cheek as you sit down.

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: you're tired of your relatives asking you if you're still single every Christmas. on the spur of the moment, you lie that your have boyfriend. luckily, your best friend sweeps in like your knight in shining armor to save the day pairing: jin x reader genre: romcom with a lil angst, best friends to fake dating to lovers warnings: nosy annoying relatives, lying, fake dating trope, one bed mentioned, some crying, insecurities, confessions, kissing, it is quite mild tbh author's note: the title is super lame but hey, Jin likes dad jokes so here we go 🤷 also i intended to post this for his bday but didn't have enough time to finish it word count: 2.4k

Christmas is the loneliest time of the year for you. Even though you spend it with your relatives, they always make a point of asking whether you are still single. Spoiler alert: you are. It's gotten annoying that they don't appreciate you for your academic and personal achievements and they are only interested in your relationship status. You are so tired of the recurring question which is why you dread Christmas so much. A few weeks before it, you get a call from your parents.

"You're coming home for the holidays, right?"

"Of course, mom," you respond, rolling your eyes.

"So…have you found a special someone?"

There it is. Again. Ugh.

"If I hear this one more time…" you sigh.

"Got it," your mom chuckles condescendingly, which frustrates you to no end.

You don't know what spirit possesses you to do what you do next but the words are out of your mouth before you can think twice about it.

"I actually have a boyfriend but maybe if you weren't nagging me about it every Christmas, I would have told you earlier."

"You do?" your mom exclaims, surprise evident in her voice."Well, isn't that wonderful! You should bring him, introduce him into the family."

"He's really busy, mom, I don't think he'll make it," you keep lying, trying to get out of the situation you'd brought upon yourself.

"Nonsense, no one works on Christmas. I expect to see the happy couple soon. And no excuses!"

Before you could argue, your mom hangs up. Great. Now you have two weeks to magically find a boyfriend to bring home for the holidays.

You are sitting on your best friend's couch, playing games with him.

"Damn, you're so good at this!" you shout in fake annoyance at being defeated but you are actually happy for him. You know how much Jin loves winning.

"What can I say? I was born this way," he smirks confidently and puts the console on the table.

"Humble, as always," you tease him, nudging his shoulder.

"So, do you have any plans for Christmas?"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Why? I thought you loved Christmas movies and decorations and all things Christmas-related," Jin tells you and you are beyond touched to have someone who knows you that well and remembers such details.

"I do, but…I got myself in a bit of a predicament."

"Do share," he turns to the side so that he can face you.

"Well, you know how my relatives always ask whether I'm still single? And they're especially persistent around the holidays."

"I know," he laughs. "You've only complained about it like a hundred times."

"Sorry," you grimace at your own predisposition to torment your best friend everytime something goes wrong in your life. "So, um…this year I told my mom I have a boyfriend."

"And I learn about this now?" Jin puts a hand on his heart, expressing disappointment that you'd kept such a big secret from him.

"What? No, I don't have a boyfriend. I lied to my mom and now she expects me to bring a guy to meet the family."

"Oh, shit," he now understands why you're not looking forward to Christmas.

"Yep. I'm such a mess. Everyone will be so mad at me when I come home alone. Again. Kill me now."

"Well…you don't have to be alone."

"Huh?"

"Hear me out. What if I pretend to be your boyfriend? Just for the holidays. Then, your relatives would get off your back."

"Jin…I can't ask this of you."

"Good thing you're not asking. I came up with this brilliant idea myself. If it bothers you, you can tell them we broke up some time next year. Don't you want one Christmas of your relatives not repeating the same old annoying question?"

"I do want it, more than anything. But I would hate to inconvenience you…"

"Come on, it will be fun! My parents are spending this Christmas in Australia, drinking cocktails and soaking in the sun. It's not like I have anything special planned. It would be delightful to spend it with my best friend," Jin keeps talking and you are almost convinced.

"What about your best friend's super messy family?" you try to change his mind.

"Oh, I'm sure I'll charm the pants off them."

You are not worried about how your relatives will immediatelly fall in love with Jin. You are concerned that it will be you being charmed…

You are revising every small detail while Jin is driving his car to your grandparents' place.

"When did we start dating?" you ask him.

"Three months ago. We naturally realized that we are great friends and would make an even greater couple," he responds without hesitation. "How did I ask you out?"

"You told me I am the best thing that happened to you and I would make you the happiest man in the world if I went on a date with you," you reply naturally. "What was our first date like?"

"We went to watch a movie together, after that we had dinner at a lovely restaurant and I walked you to your apartment where I kissed you in front of the doorstep."

"The roses! You forgot to mention the roses!" you cry out, almost panicking. This has to be perfect or your snoopy relatives might suspect something.

"I was supposed to bring roses to your grandparents? I thought the wine would be enough," Jin mumbles in confusion.

"No, for the first date details! We agreed that you'd mention the roses. What if…what if they ask and we mess something up and…"

"Darling, relax. We've got this. We've been best friends for seven years. We know each other well enough to handle anything."

You try to ignore the way your heart flutters when he calls you darling. Damnit. When he'd suggested pretending, you hadn't thought about the fact that it wouldn't be pretending on your part.

"Do you trust me?" Jin asks.

"Unequivocally," you assure him. It is yourself you don't trust.

Once he parks the car, you are immediately greeted by a bunch of your relatives.

"Come, come! It is lovely to meet you," your mom welcomes Jin.

"Mom, this is my best friend," you say by force of habit and then correct yourself, "and now my boyfriend, Jin."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Jin shakes her hand politely.

"Pfft, call me by my name," your mom says and introduces herself.

Quickly enough, your poor bestie is hounded by your grandparents, your aunt, your cousin and her kids. It's a lot of excitement considering you'd just arrived and you are already looking forward to going to bed. You love your relatives but sometimes they can be…a lot.

Jin, however, seems to be thriving. He talks to your mom about cooking, to your grandparents about fishing and politics, to your aunt and cousin about acting and singing. Even the kids seem to love him, as he takes the time to play hide and seek with them. He also promises to build a snowman with them when it is warmer tomorrow. You have no reason to worry and yet, seeing him naturally fit in with them on their first meeting…when you have felt like an outsider your whole life, is enough to bring tears to your eyes. You excuse yourself from the table, saying you need to use the bathroom.

Not expecting anyone to notice your absence, you cry quietly in your room, feeling as if you have never been good enough and your relatives were always disappointed in you. You hear a soft knock on the door, which takes you by surprise.

"You alright, love?" Jin asks.

You let him in and he wraps you up in one of his warm hugs that have the magical ability to make you stop crying.

"What's wrong? I thought it was going well," he whispers, not wanting anyone to overhear.

"It's going splendidly," you agree. "It's just that…they love you more than they do me."

"That can't be true, you're the most precious granddaughter, niece and cousin anyone could possibly have."

You sniffle and look up at him.

"You only say that 'cause I'm your best friend," you try to make light out of the situation.

"Girlfriend," he corrects you with a wink.

"Right," you chuckle through the tears.

"Come on. Let's not give them the opportunity to discuss us behind our backs," Jin jokes and you decide to return to the table. He gives you the strength needed to face them again.

The Christmas holidays go by smoothly and in the blink of an eye. The days are filled with laughter, hot chocolate, yummy meals, wholesome Christmas movies, cozy socks and snowball fights with your cousin's kids. This might be the best Christmas you've ever had. You wonder if it's Jin's presence that made it so special and heartwarming. During the family dinners, he is the life of the party, always knowing the right thing to say to each and every one of your relatives. And when the two of you are alone, cuddled up in your room, he is your rock. You know you can count on him and tell him everything that has bothered you. And you know that he would understand you and comfort you like nobody else could.

Which is why it hurts so much when he is now driving you both back to the city. The pretense is over. You would no longer have an excuse to hold his hand or sleep in the same bed as him or kiss his cheek so openly. He is back to being your best friend. And perhaps that's the way it should be. You couldn't risk your friendship by doing something stupid like confessing your undying love for him. No, that would certainly be a terrible idea. Perhaps more terrible than having him as a fake boyfriend for the holidays.

"What's on your mind?" Jin asks.

"Hm?"

"I can see the gears turning in your head. Something is bothering you."

"Hey, aren't you supposed to look at the road instead of the gears in my head?" you tease him.

"I can multitask. Come on, just tell me."

"It's nothing. I just found myself wishing the Christmas holidays could last longer. I really had an amazing time, which doesn't usually happen around my relatives."

"Glad I could be of service," Jin smirks proudly, making you laugh. You would never grow tired of his casually confident nature.

Silence ensues for a couple of minutes and you are back to worrying and thinking about your unresolved feelings for your best friend. When suddenly, he interrupts your thought process with an unexpected suggestion.

"How about we have a second Christmas?"

"A second Christmas?" you repeat in confusion.

"My place. Just the two of us. We'll do all the things we didn't have the chance to do at your grandparents' house."

"Such as?" you inquire, wondering what you've missed.

"We'll play games and I'll make you my famous roast beef. We'll have midnight snacks and watch anime with no one judging us. We'll bake Christmas cookies together and we could even go ice-skating."

"That…sounds lovely. I'm in," you immediately agree, excited to have a second Christmas with Jin. Maybe, just maybe, a miracle will happen.

The next day, you arrive at his place and are amazed to find how magically decorated it is.

"Ta-da! Welcome to your own personal winter wonderland."

"My goodness, Jin, it looks incredible! How did you achieve all this so quickly and all by yourself? You must be exhausted."

"Nah, it was my pleasure. And besides, seeing the smile on your face is the best Christmas present I could hope for," he responds.

"Merry second Christmas to you, too," you grin and give him a hug. It feels so natural and like you were meant to end up right there.

As promised, the two of you get to do all the things you couldn't at your grandparents'. You watch the spiciest animes with zero shame, you eat ramen at 1am and you play violent games that would make your relatives gasp in horror. It is genuinely the most incredible Christmas. Even more incredible than the time you spent with your family.

But all good things inevitably come to an end. Tomorrow, it is time for both you and Jin to go back to work. And with that, the magical holidays will be over. You don't want them to be. You wish you could stay in this bubble forever, with Jin's arms wrapped around you.

"I should probably head home. You have to wake up early tomorrow."

"Or…you could stay. We can share the bed," Jin suggests and you can swear you hear a hopeful hint in his voice.

"Jin…we're no longer surrounded by my nosy relatives. You don't have to pretend it's okay with you to have me intruding on your personal space."

"Who said I was pretending?" he whispers and you probably shouldn't but you allow yourself to dream. There is no way he feels the same…or is there?

"Don't…don't say stuff like that if you don't mean it," you mumble, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

"I'm tired of hiding it, sweetheart," he sighs and presses his hand against your cheek. "I only offered the whole fake dating thing because I was hoping you would finally get the hint and realize how important you are to me. But in case it wasn't obvious enough, let me spell it out for you. I. Am. Crazy. About. You."

You blink in shock.

"Pinch me so I know I'm not dreaming. You…like me back?"

"How about I do something better?" Jin smiles softly and leans in to kiss you. It is slow and sweet, just as how you'd imagined it hundreds of times. No, scratch that. It is so much better. He makes you feel so special and loved. You wish you had confessed earlier. You have been missing out on so many Christmas kisses.

"Look up," Jin says gently once he finally breaks the kiss.

You do as he asks and you realize that you have somehow ended up under a mistletoe decoration he must have put up and you haven't noticed before.

"Aww, man, did you only kiss me because of that mistletoe?"

"Let me take you to my room and prove you otherwise," Jin vows, grabs your hand and urges you to follow his lead.

Christmas is truly the most wonderful time of the year.

The End

[spitinsideme]

Sorry if this is too personal, but I wanted to ask you how your lesbian awakening was! At what moment did you realize you were truly gay? I have a theory that everyone goes through a period in their lives where they question their sexuality, even if it's a very short one, so I find these stories to be really intriguing since everyone sort of has an unique experience! Not sure if you've answered this before even, but I wanted to hear about your experience.

no question is ever too personal here for me ! ask anything you want !! i never actually was into men i never had that questioning part of the experience ? i havr never, in my life, been attracted to men or thought that was weird or odd, i didnt even know what gays were until i found out at a young age theough this episode story. i have quite literally ALWAYS been attracyed to women, whether that be my teachers (when i was very young and i just wnated to impress them because i reallyreally liked them !) or friends, classmates, whatever, i would do my best for every girl possible even thr ines who bullied me because i really liked themq

i think the first time i heard about the word lesbian was when this girl cornerred me in the girls bathroom wafter she found out i was roblox dating one of her friends and i was confused like ??? whats a lesbian ?? and so i think i remeber asking her and she saud "a girl who likes girls" and i just said okay ! and then that was it she never taljed to me again. i mean rven at the age of 12 i started trying to gain muscles brcause i wnated women to like me and i wanted to impress them. my family is EXTEMELY homophobic so obviously they never taught me about gay but thwy also jsut NEVER talked about it and so i didnt get to hear what they thoight because it was a subject that was never brought up. i would alwyas choose to be the boys in stories do i coukd get the girl, one time when i was about 8 or 9 ? i dont knkw just like young i even told my mother "i wish i were a boy so i could get with girls" bwcayse, in my head, all i had seen (from bookd and shit) is men being with women

i have literally NEVER questioned my sexulaity, i jsut never had a word for it becaude i thoight it was like yrah nothing diferent about it, when i learned what a lesbian was i was like oh yeah alroghr thats me ! and that was it, there was no questioning no denying no anything just yeah ! okay ! i came out the womb ready to grow up and kiss women

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Episode 9 Thoughts

I can hear you. What happened to episode 8 liveblog? Did you not liveblog it? I can hear the questions. Here’s the thing. I didn’t watch episode 8. I’m testing a theory that I actually don’t need to watch episode 8. To be clear, I know roughly two things that happened (Mut talking to Rak’s dad and the girls kissing because Mook is helping Vi rehearse lines) but that’s all I know. And if that’s all I know, I should still be missing things from an hour long episode. I don’t think I will be. So I’m testing my theory that I can just skip the episode and still be able to follow along with the story. If I can, it will prove my point about this show’s lazy writing. Anyway, I just finished eating my coco puffs (dinner of champions) and I am ready to watch. Under the cut as always:

The previously on is telling me some things too. Not a whole lot though. This episode should still make no sense to me after skipping an episode.

She is a child. She should not be the one deciding on whether or not her guardians are told something regarding her own safety and also their safety. 

Mut protecting Meena and telling her to get behind him is good. Not telling her to call the police while she is literally holding her phone is bad. Just a quick whispered “call the police” should have happened.

Dear GOD what song is that car even listening to? Stop being noisy and go away I am TRYING to watch!

Okay I appreciate a good fight scene as much, if not more, than the next person, but I cannot figure out where Mut would have learned these fighting skills? Like don’t get me wrong, watching him wail on these two dudes is very entertaining to me but it also doesn’t make sense. What reason would he have had to learn this on the island?

*drinks choccy milk* *gnaws on pickle*

When did his face get hit to be bleeding?

Oh no. Oh dear. I cannot believe this. You have to *gasp* tell the…truth? Only the worst people in the entire world EVER tell the truth. What will become of you? Rak finding out even if you lie…boy what is wrong with Rak finding out something that could POTENTIALLY BE DANGEROUS TO HIM AND HIS LOVED ONES. I cannot do this. I should not be watching this on a school night. Cause I need alcohol. What the fuck is this.

Oh really. I forgot about this show’s desire to use flashbacks all the time. I really don’t need episode 8 because I’ll just get a flashback when needed. God this writing is so…maybe I’ll break my rules and drink alcohol anyways. I think I might have some soju buried in my fridge somewhere….

Oh that wasn’t a flashback? But it was in the previously on?

Oh it was. It was both a flashback and not a flashback. That makes sense. In some world I’m sure.

It is very satisfying to watch Mook push Vi out of Rak’s apartment actually.

I basically just spend this whole show feeling bad for Mook and…no one else.

His dad. No?

I drank all my choccy milk :(

Peat is too good of an actor for MAME. The way he makes Rak so small when facing his dad is so impressive.

As it turns out, blasting Stray Kids does, sometimes, make my neighbors stop having their conversations RIGHT OUTSIDE my door. Like guys. Go talk outside your own door.

God this camera work is making me motion sick. I hate it when they do this. I get it sometimes. I understand the reason it can be good. I don’t think it is necessary here and it just makes this scene that much harder for me to watch.

And this show has done this a lot. I need more stable shots. If most of the show is shot like this, it removes so much of the impact for scenes when it could be very good. And I get maybe wanting to do an inverse where the stable shots are the ones with the emotional impact, but to be clear, that is not what this show is doing. None of the scenes are landing the way they should be landing and the way they are intended to. They are overusing things in this show that should be saved for specific moments. Nothing feels fully thought out in this show. Everything feels like half an idea that was put together at the last minute because they ran out of time. And unless I’m wrong, that’s not the case for this show. They had the time and they just failed to utilize it. This feels like they started creating the show before any plan was created and in place on how to actually do that.

I must admit, watching Mut punch Rak’s dad was satisfying. Especially considering I was pretty much chanting “just deck ‘im." He didn’t punch him nearly enough before getting pulled off of him. Also that was such a poorly directed fight. What was that? Mut basically just laid on top of Rak’s dad with his fist raised and he didn’t punch him again? I would understand if it looked like Rak’s dad put up any sort of fight but it didn’t look like he was really struggling that hard. God Mut should have been feral. Where was that?

I hate that I actually really like the line “You’re the one that took off my collar. Are you prepared to face me?” I really wish it was in a better show. Because up until now, we have had no reason to believe Mut was in any way shape or form dangerous or violent. He was even better than all of MAME’s other semes by actually having Rak’s consent before sleeping with him. So why should I believe he is able to do anything to Rak’s dad other than the show has decided that he can with no contextual support. But god, if Mut had the backup of the previous episodes (and maybe something was explained in episode 8 that I missed but most likely not), this line would being doing things to me because there’s something about a character that’s been kept on a leash, finally being let off the leash to wreak havoc that is just catnip to me.

Having Mut come in and solve everything. Every family problem and miscommunication in 30 seconds (part of it happening off-screen) is so annoying. What is the meaning of the resolution if only one character had to do minimal work for it and it wasn’t the character most affected. Having Mut stand up to Rak’s dad in place of Rak instead of simply supporting him. Showing up and telling him what he learned to give Rak the opportunity to cut those ties himself. To speak up first. It’s just…that whole scene should have been about Rak but instead it was about Mut solving Rak’s problems. It made the drama boring and took away the importance of the moment. It took away from both characters’ development and growth. Mut is a boring character because he is perfect. And even when he does wrong, he actually doesn’t do any wrong. Rak trying to call things off and Mut refusing and immediately fixing the situation was too perfect and that makes a story boring. I don’t want the drama in a show to be boring. I want it to make sense but most importantly, I want it to be entertaining. And if a character is so perfect that they’re able to literally stop the drama during the big climactic confrontation, then the part of the show that should be the most entertaining is now incredibly boring.

This is an insane line to include in a show that half-assed so much of its production I am actually losing my mind. Not a single person involved in this show put their all into it. Actually I take that back. The actors did. But not a single other soul involved in this show. No one behind the scenes gave more than one singular shit if they even gave that. Absolutely insane. What a line. This is just so fucking weird to include in this show. It is so lackluster I skipped an entire episode and missed nothing.

The preview for next week and the tiny drama they’re gonna have means nothing to me after what they just went through. Like seriously? That’s going to be their next issue? After all of that? MAME does this sometimes when she puts the drama out of order so it doesn’t make sense and makes it feels like the characters are actually regressing or like the major conflict never happened in the first place let alone have a resolution *stares daggers at Don’t Say No*

Anyway my experiment is complete. As it turns out, watching episode 8 is not needed. Just having minimal knowledge of what happened is fine and you don’t miss anything. Except possible exposition to explain Mut’s random fighting skills that don’t make sense. But to be clear, if that happened in episode 8, it also is too late for it to work with the context of the story. Just throwing it in at the last second to explain something doesn’t work because it wasn’t given proper thought. Whatever. Only one more week of this and maybe next time I’ll get drunk first. At least maybe then I’ll be entertained.

[wiredaughter]

Outbreak

××

allison cameron×robert chase ☆ zombie apocalypse ☆ 1008 words ☆ ao3

@augustwritingchallenge day 4: zombie apocalypse @aug-kissed week 1: blow a kiss

Doctor Allison Cameron squints at the whiteboard in House's office. Extending ecchymosis, low grade fever, rash. It doesn't entirely seem like a case but House is, if to be believed, consulting with the federal government; which makes it a case. Of course, he's not around to explain why the patient is at PPTH instead of some blacksite if that's the truth. She exits the room, it's not her job to know why anymore.

The ER pulls her from her job trajectory considerations easily, there seems to have been a highway wreck involving at least six vehicles and she spends the morning up to her elbows on life altering injuries and advanced life support. She doesn't think about the diagnostics team again until she chats with Foreman in the lift to the cafeteria and learns the patient went after a phlebotomist with teeth and nails, making House wonder whether they should add aggressiveness to the list or the patient is just a bit of a prick.

She thinks about it, vaguely, during her lunch with Chase but ultimately doesn't bring it up until they're walking back to their respective stations. Good choice too, going by his general disinterest in the matter.

‘It's irregular, is all, to have the patient here, don't you think?

There's resignation mixed with admiration in the look her boyfriend gives her, and a hint of selfdeprecation in his smile. ‘How is a government consult meant to compel me more than a gun to his head, again?’

Cameron shrugs, stops to kiss him quickly. ‘It just seemed interesting. I’ll see you later.’

As she walks away, she turns in time to see him blowing her a kiss. Yes, her life's changed ever since resigning from the diagnostics department and it hasn't always been easy, but she's excited to let someone in again. Doesn't mean everything's got to change, she thinks, back in House’s office, this time with most of the team assembled. There's more symptoms now, hyperpyrexia, necrosis, erythrocytosis, battle sign. Transmissible = BITES is underlined several times. They've quarantined the floor the patient is being held in, and have anyone who's been in direct contact with him in isolation.

‘Polycythemia vera,’ she suggests, more to get the ball rolling than as a real answer, being that she hasn't seen the patient at all.

‘No hypertension,’ Kutner objects. ‘It's dropping steadily, actually.’

‘How's his spleen?’

‘We're waiting on the test, but palpation suggested no abnormalities.’

‘How about a different neoplasm. Essential thrombocythaemia?’ Thirteen checks the file. ‘Plateletes were high too.’

‘It could fit, but there's no cyanosis…’

She trails off when House looks ready to rule on it, but the door opens before he can, to reveal a harassed looking Chase, still on OR scrubs holding his pager up. ‘You can't page me, House, you're not my boss.’

Instead of answering, House raises a brow as he feels for something on his desk. On cue, Chase's pager goes off. Cameron exchanges a look with Foreman, who looks ready to go back to the differential. Following their cue, Chase looks at the board, almost involuntarily, frowns at what's written there. ‘If you have to page me, can it be for something other than Resident Evil roleplay?’

‘That's your diagnosis?’ House sounds exasperated. ‘Our patient is a zombie?’

‘It's how it always starts, the outbreak. Fever, necrosis, head trauma… Biting.’

‘Thank you, for illustrating exactly why I fired you.’

Chase gives Cameron a look that questions her willingness to listen to this before setting his pager down on House's desk and making for the door. Later, she mouths, and he gives a short nod before exiting. He's back before anyone can comment, wide eyed oh shit expression replacing his previous eyeroll in progress. ‘Tell me Taub is in on the joke?’

‘He went in for an NCV, I told you there's no jo-'

House's words get drowned by gunfire. Cameron moves to where Chase stands, pulling him out of the most direct line from the door to House, guessing whatever this is it's probably House-related. Again. The uniformed men that barge in after a blood splattered Taub don't shoot at anyone, though. The leader pulls down his mask.

‘Doctor House?’ It's not really a question, as he continues speaking directly at him without giving him the chance to direct his attention anywhere else. ‘Your assistance is required on site now, until the situation is handled. This your team?’

House nods, eyes burning holes through Chase’s head like he's jinxed him somehow. The man, who still hasn't introduced himself, talks into his comm to coordinate an extraction as his men exit. Cameron takes the chance to peek out the door, to see twitching, bloodied bodies strewn across the floor. She steps back, horrified, to take Chase's hand. The words zombie outbreak play on her head in his voice.

‘So,’ House leans forward on his cane, holding Chase’s pager up looking entirely too satisfied for someone who just dismissed what seems to be the working theory. ‘In the team, or out?'

Chase squeezes her hand, gives House an unimpressed look and snatches it back. ‘Unless you know someone else with over sixty hours in Deadly Silence, in.’

‘I have 100% completion in Deadly Silence’ Cameron lets her calf slide against Chase's in the chopper after an incredibly short briefing by phone, her words made private by the noise around them.

‘Your government is actually bioengineering zombies and your move is proving my expendability?’ He holds his chest in an exaggerated fashion, pressing their knees together.

‘Competition breeds progress.’ Her tone is too affectionate for her words to have any meaning.

Chase leans in, like he's going to kiss her but thinks better of it, considering their surroundings and the ongoing ‘situation’ that spans half the continental states if the information hasn't changed since they took off. Instead, he settles for an air-kiss. Not her, not now. She pulls him by his improbable tie, locking their lips for what might be the last time if the zombies are really at the gates.

[soulsisterif]

Games of the Show

In the last post I was telling you I had written the part of the story where Dawn explains the show's mechanics. The relevant thing for this post is the games and their rewards. You'll have to win games to get rewarded in the show (getting dates, choosing group activities and so on) and I also wanted those games to help you learn about the ROs lives, interests and preferences. About themselves, in short.

That means conversational games are my main focus, even if they're silly, particularly if they can be used to discover what is it that they look for in a relationship: Orange Flag, Weird Words, Hot Takes, They're a 10 but...

Oh, I really want to involve the audience in some games, too. That'd be rad. And it would be a good way to put the How the Audience Views You stat to use, too.

I'm open to suggestions, as always. The only thing I refuse to change about this game is how the relationships among characters deepen through interaction. You can sleep around if you're shallow, but if you want to romance them, or even just have a genuine friendship with them, you have to actually get to know them. Now, in a normal, day-to-day dating environment that would mean deep chats and coffee dates, which you can get in the game, anyway. But this is a dating TV show, so there should be something else to it, and I have my take on how I'd like to do that.

I was a little against games involving kissing because I'm the kind of player that chooses one RO and sticks with them as faithful as a puppy for the whole playthrough (unless they screw me over. Looking at you Threxia from Soulless). Then I realised that I have to allow people to play the field, too, so they can be good for that.

The thing that I'm worried about is what I call the "Love Island ick". For reasons...

I'm not adding games like "kiss the hotest cotestant", "imitate a sex position with whoever", "give a lap dance to—". Nope. That's just... Nope. I might add some spicy games to play privately with your chosen RO later on, but as a group it just makes me cringe. A game of good ol' truth or dare, or two truths and a lie can be a fantastic way to get to know someone in a fun way, but if you write it in a super crass or childish way it's just painful to read. (watch me fail misserably for trash talking, hahaha)

Still, I did want to include those but turning them into a competition. For instance, imagine a game of Truth or Dare with scores. Like, if one dares MC to do something, the other contestants can bet on whether or not MC will do the dare or pass. If they're right they get a point. MC would only earn a point if she takes the dare and the person who issued the challenge can only earn a point if MC passes on it.

Contestants would pick easier and more relevant questions and dares if they are interested in someone, but go harder on those they don't fancy as much and try to win some points instead.

There's also follow-up scenarios with this game. Let's say someone flirty (*cough* Joanna *cough*) was into MC. Then they may be interested in asking something like"what is your favourite type of kiss?". That would be an opening for the RO give MC that kind of kiss. Or even have several ROs try out, to see who she likes better, maybe in exchange of one of your points?

There are a lot of ways to play it, but you get what I mean. You could always pass and refuse to answer the question or take the dare, of course.

This way you could both state your MCs romantic/physical predilections and also learn about the ROs'.

Damn, it's late, this got way too long and I just want to go to bed. So, to sum it up, I want conversational games, the audience involved sometimes, and you'd be rewarded for winning them.

[mysticbeaver]

How and when does Kevin realize he's also into guys? How would he handle this revelation?

When I read the question I thought "god that's difficult"... But actually it's been very entertaining to write about this 😁 Hope you get some laughs outta this!

Let me preamble this by mentioning the EddEddy kiss... Sure, he was looking for ways to embarass and humiliate Eddy, but that's on the surface... He totally had that idea cause he was curious to see two guys kiss. It's psychology 101 c'mon 🤓 Unconscious obviously, but imagine if at some point when they're older, Eddy confronts him about it "Remember, you wanted to see us kiss, Shovelchin 😈"

In all seriousness, he'd start noticing things at some point post-BPS, maybe in his teens. I think this mainly has to do with him getting a crush on Rolf lol (it's my ship you know).

He goes to bed at night and thinks back to earlier that day when he was at Rolf's farm and Rolf was toiling away... bare-chested... and he looked kinda... choice?

Or that time Rolf threw an arm around his shoulder with a hearty laugh... and then ruffled his hair... and that smile... wait...OH NO...

I wonder how Kevin's reaction would differ compared to Eddy coming to terms with his own sexuality. What if Eddy finally came out at some point and it struck a chord with Kev? Or maybe he'd hate the possibility of being so similar and start acting "homophobic-homosexual" LMAO

If he bottles it up I imagine Nazz, in her sensitivity, would slowly notice something's up. Either she's gonna talk to Kevin about what's on his mind, or maybe she'd wait for him to be desperate and finally seek her help.

"Hey Nazz... I-I need your help, umm... I think-"

"Let me guess... you like dudes."

"H-HOW DO YOU KNOW???"

"😏...the way you look at Rolf?"

Aside from Rolf, I'm also thinking of an accident where he accidentally lets it slip to Edd - maybe Dee is chatting with Nazz about some difficulties with Eddy, Nazz is trying to get those two finally hooked up (always the matchmaker 😁)... Edd's wondering whether Eddy even finds him an "attractive physical specimen" lmao, and Kevin butts in and says "No way, dude... If you can like that ugly bastard, he likes your cute looks for sure, hah! Uh, I mean..." *cue Dee and Nazz staring at him in awkward silence*

Overall, I think Nazz would be the one to reassure him about it. At some point they probably learn about Rolf's culture being more accepting... and Nazz takes it as the signal to proceed Operation Kevrolf... And on she goes to play matchmaker with yet another couple lol

[itslenagain]

How did I figure out I was a lesbian at 27?

Hi I'm high on cold medicine & I've had people ask me before how I figured out that I am a lesbian vs bi/pan sooo here is a long post on my journey & how I figured out I'm not actually into men!

I started out by establishing these very basic facts:

While I have had serious relationships with men, there was always an underlying feeling of discomfort surrounding those relationships that I struggled to identify

While (at that time) I had not had a serious relationship with a woman, I found that I did not feel that discomfort during past romantic and sexual encounters with women

I have always felt romantic and sexual attraction towards women (though I am definitely ace-spec, which I will discuss further below), but don't really experience those attractions towards men

I have significant relationship trauma related to previous relationships with men, and also significant childhood trauma. TRAUMA/MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A CAUSE OF QUEERNESS! But, it was important for me to address this in my specific situation (will discuss in more detail below)

Once I had established the facts, I started to analyze a little further. One thing that was helpful for me to learn about comphet and to understand the role it played in how I viewed romantic relationships. If you've found this post because you are questioning and you're unsure about what comphet is or what it means, this article explains how comphet is taught throughout childhood and the potential consequences it may have on queer teens and adults.

Which leads us to,

Part 1: Understanding my Tragic Backstory™️

I, unfortunately like many other queer people, was raised in a very cisheteronormative home where my parents were openly transphobic and, while slightly quieter about it, homophobic. When my parents talked to me about my future, their idea of my future absolutely included me finding a man and having his children. It was almost unthinkable for them to imagine I could have any other goal in life. That was how they were raised, and in turn, that's how they raised me. I often felt like I was fighting for their approval.

I knew from my early teens that I liked girls.

(It would take me until my mid-20's to figure out that I am non-binary but that's a story for another post)

For my 13th birthday party, my friends and I rode a limo to go to see the Twilight movie in theaters, since we all were obsessed with the books. My friends were arguing over whether Edward or Jacob would be the better kisser (don't act like you weren't cringe at 13) and the whole time I could not imagine myself kissing literally any of the men in that movie. Now, Rosalie? Oh my GOD I wanted her to step on me. Alice? Please, climb on top of me and do my eyeliner. I shipped Bella and Alice, but also Bella and Bree, because of course I did. 🐀✨️

At that time in my life, I also would regularly attend Catholic mass every Sunday with my neighbor. She was like a grandmother to me, she was one of my safe spaces away from my parents. I looked up to her. We would drink coffee at her kitchen table and chat about school and about life. She taught me how to crochet. We both loved to sing and would sit in the front row together so we could be close to the piano at church. I didn't know she had any kids of her own until she told me about her daughter. She would talk about her in a way that you could tell it pained her. She told me how her daughter made a decision that disappointed her, how she prayed every Sunday that she would see the light and come back to the church.

The decision her daughter made? Marrying a woman.

So despite knowing and recognizing that I was attracted to women, knowing that not only my parents, but also this person who at the time I seriously looked up to, would likely not be accepting of me dating women, I felt like I had to hide. It also made me believe that maybe I *was* attracted to men, I just hadn't met the right one yet. Yes, I even told everyone I was Team Edward.

When I was 14, I ended up in a 3 month relationship with someone who at the time identified as a girl (has since figured out he's a trans guy) and felt ready to talk to my parents. I planned to come out to them as bisexual. They were NOT okay with this. Mom said that bisexual doesn't exist (booo) and that I wasn't allowed to be a lesbian because women could never possibly have happy relationships with each other (she does not have any long-term female friendships) and she didn't want me to have a "miserable life" (I feel sad for anyone who is miserable around women tbh).

Cue the part where I decided to try dating a man to see what it was like and ended up in a sexually and emotionally abusive relationship! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue parents telling me that I can't base my sexuality on one bad experience! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue my neighbor telling me God was preparing a man for me and I just had to be patient and trust in the Lord to find him! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue therapists who told me I probably felt uncomfortable around men because I was traumatized and I'd eventually get over it! ✨️🎉🎊

Cue friends, family, and random strangers telling me it's okay and it's "not all men" and one day I'd find the perfect man who would "fix my broken heart!" ✨️🎉🎊

So you can see how I became confused by all of this! Part of me wanted to believe that I *could* still be attracted to men, that I *could* have a healthy relationship with one, and anytime I had doubts, I'd basically end up gaslighting myself and blaming my trauma.

Which brings us to,

Part 2: Maybe I *did* just need to meet the right man?

I did not have any positive male role models growing up. My parents' marriage was, to put it mildly, not great. It's a common thing in media to see men and women in relationships that don't even really seem to like each other! Comedians make a killing off of the "old ball & chain" type jokes. Straight people often speak of their spouses as if they're an annoyance.

So when you consider all of that, how the hell was I supposed to know what I am supposed to feel towards men?

I could talk for hours about all the negative experiences I've had with men, but when analyzing my feelings, I decided to zoom in on what was probably the healthiest relationship I've ever had with a man. I felt like that was the less biased lens to view my feelings towards men through, despite it ending in a not-so-great way.

Junior year of high school, I met a man through a mutual friend who thought we'd make a cute couple. He made me feel... less uncomfortable than most other men did. So romantic, I know. I was not attracted to him, but he was someone who I would say was definitely conventionally attractive. I wanted to give it a shot, so we started spending more time together, at first just talking in the hallway or during lunch, to eventually seeing each other outside of school.

As he and I began to open up to each other more, we discovered that we both had sexual trauma. I felt that he understood me on a level that a lot of people did not understand me at that point in my life. He said he felt that way about me, too. We formed a connection over it, and for a while, he became my safe space. We were together for almost 2 years. I honestly believe that the attention and care that he treated me with when it came to sex, when it came to our relationship, and my history, that all helped me heal parts of my trauma. I don't think I could be comfortable with sex in the way I am today without having had that safe environment he created for me. I think I would not be as comfortable in relationships as I am if it were not for him.

I still wanted to believe I was capable of being attracted to men, so I hoped that maybe with time, with him, it would happen.

It did not.

Even though I was comfortable spending time with him, and comfortable having sex with him, it still all felt a little off to me, and I couldn't understand why. It felt like there was something missing. Things were really good with us for probably the first year and a half, but got ugly towards the end. I was struggling with things inside myself and took it out on him. He cheated on me. It hurt a lot at the time, but I made my peace with it. I forgive him. I hope he forgives me.

But, the point here is, that even with a man who was seemingly "the right man," I still did not experience romantic or sexual attraction, just an emotional connection.

So then I thought,

Part 3: Well, maybe I'm just ace?

I've always had fewer crushes than my friends. They would just call me picky. I don't think being picky is a bad thing! But when I started thinking about this in terms of my romantic and sexual orientation, I started to wonder if maybe it was because I did not fall on the same end of the spectrum as they did.

Asexuality is a wide spectrum that encompasses people who don't experience sexual attraction in the way allosexual people do. There are Ace people who are completely repulsed by the idea of sex, there are Ace people who feel indifferent about it, there are Ace people who feel other types of attractions but maybe not sexual attraction, there's demisexual and graysexual and all the orientations that fall under that umbrella.

I am someone who loves sex. It's fun, it's creative. It can be casual, or it can be a way you connect yourself to another person on another level. On the other hand, I also don't think sex is 100% necessary in order to have a healthy long-term romantic relationship, and my sex drive in general is on the low side.

Through exploration, I've discovered that it's almost impossible for me to feel sexually attracted to a person that I don't have some sort of existing connection with. This probably puts me somewhere on the demisexual spectrum. However, because I have been able to form celebrity crushes (though very rare) I tend to identify myself as graysexual. The things that make me sexually attracted to someone are inconsistent. I don't really have a "type."

It took me a looong time to work out the difference between "I want sex and this person is available" and "this person specifically is who I am interested in having sex with." They sound similar! It was easy for me to confuse the two! The more that I evaluated these feelings and worked through them, I was able to fully recognize the difference; all of my sexual encounters with men fell into that first category, most of my sexual encounters with women fell into the second.

I am a person who enjoys sex, and I *can* have sex with men, but it's not really because I *want* to have sex with men. This was a very awkward discovery to make at 26 when I had been married to a man for several years. However, it helped me understand some of the dynamics of that relationship (as well as past ones) and was the gateway to me wanting to further my understanding of my sexuality.

Which got me thinking,

Part 4: What makes me want to date a person, anyways?

By the time I was thinking about this part of the question, I was about to turn 27, married to a man, we had 2 kids, I had just come out as non-binary. My husband was an okay man. We had plenty of ups and downs, just like anyone. Realizing that I wasn't sexually attracted to him was definitely rough, but I still believed that the more I thought it out and worked on myself, I'd realize that everything was okay afterall and we'd survive my minor identity crisis.

(We did not. The divorce was finalized last month.)

When I met my ex-husband, I was 19 years old and wanting desperately to get away from my family. It was an incredibly turbulent time in my life. He was 26 (I know, I'm grossed out by it now, too) and finishing up college. We worked together. The flirting started almost immediately. I liked the attention. We started dating, and 6 months in, he proposed. We got married on our 1 year dating anniversary. I still had that weird feeling that something was off, but I blamed myself and just assumed it would get better. Just for a little backstory there. I am the literal definition of "don't date a man when you're 19"

I started really thinking about the things that made me interested in dating someone. I'd never really thought much about it before. I sat down and made a chart of all of my past relationships (and even some crushes) and wrote down the things that made me want to date that person. I literally cried reading it. Full-on existential crisis. There was such a stark contrast between the things that made me want to date women vs the things that made me want to date men.

Some of the common themes when it came to my crushes/relationships with women:

Being around her makes me happy

I spend all day and all night thinking about her

She's thoughtful, I love her mind, etc

We have some common interests

She's beautiful, I could stare at her all day, I'm attracted to her, etc

She makes me want to do (insert romantic thing here)

I can imagine a future for us & it makes me want to be alive so we can have it

Sounds pretty cute, right? Like, that's what a crush should feel like! When I think about dating women, it just makes me feel so warm and I want to give her the world.

Some common themes when it came to relationships with men:

I was tired of being lonely

There was something he could provide for me that I needed (ie emotional support, attention, money etc)

Other people thought it was a good idea so I wanted to try it

He asked me out

He seems nice

Umm. Wow. Yeah. You get my point here? Note that when I tried to think of any men I had a crush on, I couldn't think of any other than Gordon Ramsey (listen I like food and I feel like that man could eat pussy like a pro)

The more I analyzed my relationships with men, the more I realized that there were a lot of.... transactional elements? Like. Yes, I can do romance with this man, as long as he pays the bills... yes, I can do sex with this man, as long as I am completely in charge of everything... whereas with women, it's not conditional. It's not "I can make myself do this for her," it's "I want to do this for her."

For a long time, I believed this was normal. But in the past few years, I've seen couples who are actually happy with each other, people in nice, stable relationships, people who love each other unconditionally, and I just thought, oh my God, *that's* what is missing for me. That's why my relationships feel off. I just kept putting myself into relationships I was not happy with or did not want.

Now I'm 29, I'm divorced, I'm out to everyone (including my family - mom has calmed down a bit, dad is still weird about it) and I am very happy with my girlfriend! I still have a long way to go in terms of healing and really fully understanding myself, but I feel like I've made so many big steps forward on that front.

Part 5: But what if you're wrong?

That's the thing - it's possible I'm wrong. Maybe I am indeed bisexual. Maybe I actually do like men, I'm just not as healed from my trauma as I think I am. Yeah, it's possible, I guess.

There's one thing I know for sure that I'm definitely not wrong about - I am gay as fuck for girls. I love women. Being around women makes me want to be alive. Being around women makes my heart feel whole. I honestly cannot for the life of me imagine myself ever dating a man again.

We all have that voice in our head that makes us doubt, that makes us feel like an imposter, that makes us think we aren't worthy. For a long time, that voice has been telling me that I am not good enough to be loved and I don't deserve to be happy. It's still there, it still tells me that sometimes. You know what though? I'm kicking its ass right now. I look at how far I've come in the past few years and I say "I have spent too long hating myself. I have spent too long trying to shove myself into boxes I don't belong in."

I am finally in a place in my life where I feel like happiness is within reach, and I'm going to keep reaching for it.

I am a lesbian. I am proud of that.

Part 6: Conclusions

I am gay as fuck for women

I love my girlfriend

You can evaluate your life at any time. It's never too late to figure out who you are.

Don't try to put yourself into a box you don't belong in to please other people

It took me 14 years to figure out what I actually wanted even though I already kinda knew. Be kind to yourself if it takes a while for you to figure it out. There's no rush

If you're here because you're questioning, I love you, you've got a friend in me, you are worthy of happiness and love, please don't settle for less

This post is brought to you by Mucinex & Sudafed brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[vegaseatsass]

GAP the Series ep 6 thoughts (spoilers!!)

Am about to embark on an epic two-day backread (dw this is like. self-soothing behavior, not an obligation) but first!! Let me quickly journal about GAP: The Intricate Rituals Series.

So this episode made me feral. I'm like "no way can they top what last week did to my brain" and then Sam was out here licking Mon's thigh and barking. GAP girlies, we are truly God's strongest soldiers.

Thigh-licking aside, Thee Moment for me this week was Mon: It's nothing Sam: That means it's something. Mon: How could you possibly know that? Sam: I'm that type of person. How could I possibly not know what it's like? I mean first of all hhhhh Sam recognizing herself in Mon's attempt at disregarding very strong/obvious emotions!!! They are so socially different yet still mirrors of each other!! But second of all, Mon has become such an expert at decoding Sam's chaotic hot-cold indirect communication style, and I realized this week that Sam's approach to understanding Mon when avoiding or withdrawing from her isn't to learn how to read between Mon's lines and carefully interpret her like Mon does with Sam, but to urge Mon towards direct communication, push her past her kneejerk social graces to tell Sam the things she would otherwise swallow down. Not sure if I'm explaining this well but I find it really lovely, that they're both so attuned to each other and so invested in really understanding what the other is thinking and feeling, but they have different, complementary skillsets in how to go about seeking answers: Mon is incredibly perceptive and Sam is incredibly assertive. They're learning from each other too!! Not only is Sam paying close attention to what Mon is feeling but she does this cute thing where she lists off all the evidence of what she's observed (you didn't answer my texts and said no to dinner!), like a student first learning how to do mathematical proofs kdjfsdff Mon meanwhile asks more direct questions of Sam every episode. "What am I to you?" It's no longer enough for her to rely on non-verbal cues. Tl;dr im love them.

"What do you want to eat?" "Your lips" WANNA SUCK MOUTH ENERGY STILL GOING STRONG. Sam is so openly horny it is such a delight to behold.

Jim telling Mon she almost broke up with her fiance when Sam kissed her lmaooo she gets it!! I'm also wondering if she (whether deliberately or subconsciously) shared that to try to provoke a reaction in Mon. Sam's friends are just always stirring the pot to try to make Mon/Sam happen, so the symmetry of Jim taunting first Sam and then Mon with kissies seems intentional. Regardless, I am living for how hard they all ship Sam/Mon, and how they lack a single shred of remorse for Kirk. "If you guys have a beautiful affair we won't tell!!!"

I loved Sam's apology to Jim for oh so many reasons (why is she such a sexy gremlin? "You slap me, I'll kiss you." Sam who taught you to be like this!! I know it wasn't grandma!!), but one of them is all the apology language she's adopted from Kirk and Mon. The fingerheart attempt was so uwu I am having trouble typing about it, but also I'm clocking the snack bribery as something she picked up from Kirk. Before Mon became her role model on how to human, Kirk was there. Like esp if he's been mitigating her grandma's influence on her since she was a kid? I can just see why that was such a central relationship for her before Mon came along. Like I am sad! That he wasn't actually reading the room and wingmanning for her with Mon in ep2! I would have loved that as a story choice sooo much more, he's more annoying for his heteronormativity goggles, and it legit sucks that he's pushing their relationship in earnest when AT A MINIMUM he knows Sam views marriage as a kind of punishment/failure of girlboss aspirations. But I still suspect (what I am anticipating we'll see of) Sam's sense of obligation around his proposal isn't exclusively about obeisance to her grandma. I think there probably was real love there and he probably was a transformative and vital support for her for a lot of her life. Idk I haven't backread any of the tag or anything so this may be a realllly unpopular take lmao but I'm compelled by mess and it's more interesting to me to think that Sam really has loved and depended on Kirk as a partner for most of her life, but she isn't in love with him, something that only became crystal clear after meeting Mon.

On the heteronormativity goggles note: proud of Nop for getting his shit together this fast! I mean I think he always knew, and last week Mon just took away his reason to keep lying to himself about it, but it's nice that he can comfortably transition into Mon's lesbianism supporter. SHE NEEDS ONE

Noticed that she started wearing rainbow earrings after their little discussion btw. Is she beginning to embrace her "like"-like-a-lover-not-like-a-fangirl feelings... signs point to yes. Honestly atp I think all she needed to take that bouquet and propose to Sam herself was some explicit confirmation that Sam sees her as girlfriend material and not as a weird servant-sister, so it's devastating that instead of getting that grounding, the rug was pulled out from under them both. The preview for next week feels v "I don't know if we were dating but I do know she broke up w/ me" and that's the kind of gay representation I desire MOST so thank you but also ow.

Ok sorry for tl;dr post but the last thing I'll say is that right now my reading is that before her conversation with Nop, Mon was not looking too closely at her feelings for Sam or what they could mean about their relationship or her own identity, and that's why for example she gets so upset Sam calls her an outsider but NOT that Kirk is doing couple-y stuff with Sam right in front of her! She knows she wants to be close to Sam and important and more than a sister or a servant to her, but she can't fully-fully embrace the word for what it is that she wants without Sam naming it first. Mon's issue is one of internal expression. On the other hand, I think Sam completely knows what she feels for Mon, and probably always has. She felt guilty and exposed that Kirk was being couple-y in front of Mon because she fully sees Mon as her girlfriend! (Did she not google "how to make up with your girlfriend" lol I mean.) But for her the issue is one of external expression: she can't say what she knows she wants and feels out loud, because at best it would get her disowned and at worst it would get her killed in a car crash like her sister, so she's left slapping her friends and inventing lip-biting games instead of using her words.

Ep 1, Ep 2, Ep 3, Ep 4, Ep 5

[thewiddershinsme]

Reading The Ballad of Never After, finished Part II: An Unkindness of Stories:

-Luc is somehow starting to grow on me. He is like an overly affectionate dog that may turn on and mangle you unexpectedly, and then lick your face after tearing your throat out.

-you know, I can’t believe I never thought of this before, but what is the deal with all the apples? They give Jacks super magic or something? Where do they come from?

-I would love just one chapter with Jacks’s pov. He tells LaLa he is just giving Evangeline what she wants but not what he wants, but he obviously wants her safe and cared for. Yeah he could be lying to LaLa but his tendency is to twist, not lie, so what is he twisting?!?! The whole “pretend for tonight” scene was so soft and sweet and he has the real feelings but what is he thinking?

-Jacks doesn’t want the arch open, just the stones. Interesting, but still begs the question of whyyyyy. And until we know what the stones are capable of, not sure what his ultimate goal is.

-LaLa’s betrayal actually hurt. I mean, you know Jacks is a liar and keeps secrets so his betrayals and cruelties are expected. But LaLa was Evangeline’s friend, so to learn she is the one who set the Archer curse…that was sad. At least the mirror curse was well-intentioned to protect Evangeline. But it does forcibly remind you that for all her good parts, LaLa is still a Fate with a Fate’s moral compass.

-so I was wondering how Jacks did not try to straight up murder LaLa since he knew she set the curse, but LaLa and Jacks knew each other as humans! They were in the same friend group, and obviously there is a pretty strong loyalty between these two that neither would admit. Course, that makes LaLa putting the Archer curse on Evangeline even more cruel (to put Jacks through that all again)

-the Hollow. I can begin to describe how much I adore the Hollow. I want to stay there SO BAD.

-I love the trope of person being panicky over injured love interest. And we got it twice! I think the whole Jacks taking care of Evangeline injured was one of my favorite parts

-is the truth stone not “on” all the time? Cause Evangeline straight up lied (about not being sleepy) when Jacks was bandaging her up and she had it on.

-okay. So some pieces are starting to fall together. Per Handsome Stranger (another Fate?) Jacks is the Archer. Aurora loved LaLa’s brother, who we know is Lyric, so LaLa was a Merrywood (which does make the her whole engagement really weird). LaLa loved Aurora’s brother, who we know is Castor, BUT LaLa’s love was a dragon shapeshifter, and I know one of the Valor children was a shapeshifter, so maybe that was LaLa’s love? There’s something still missing here.

-theory time!!!! And I think this one is right. On the heels of the LaLa and Jacks “friends since humanhood” realizations I think Chaos (who has been around since the time of the Valors) is one of the Merrywood Three, explaining Jacks’s friendship/loyalty to him and why he didn’t want to tell him of LaLa’s engagement. Begs the question of whether he is Castor or Lyric…I’m thinking Castor since Jacks tried to save Castor, and it resulted in his vampireness.

-so guess Jacks only has to kiss lips to kill. That’s pretty lucky for Evangeline (side eye)

-oh her telling Jacks that everything between them is the mirth stone affecting them was heartbreaking….I mean we saw shy Jacks! I loved shy nervous Jacks.