now that my downstairs neighbors have made it clear they hate me i've decided to play their little game and am now full-weight running around the apartment playing zoomies with my cat. no more tiptoes for you <3
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WHY!!!! IS THERE ALWAYS!!!! HATE!!!! IN SHIP TAGS!!!! IT DOES NOT BELONG THERE!!!!
Nobody goes into a ship tag for hate!!! All you do is be a fucking ass!!! Like going to a chocolate cake appreciation party just to get on a podium and scream about how fucking much you HATE chocolate cake and everyone who likes chocolate cake is a ass murderer or something. YES THIS IS ALSO TRUE FOR SINGLE CHARACTERS
If you want to spread hate and negativity then either get therapy or get in front of a fucking mirror and tell it to yourself bc its the only fucking person that gives a shit about your stupid hate opinion.
AND NO!!!! IT DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER IF THE SHIP IS 'PROBLEMATIC' ITS A FUCKING SHIP AND I AM SO TIRED OF HAVING THESE CONSERVATIVE ASSHOLES IN TAGS THAT ARE FOR APPRECIATION AND LOVE
Get absolutely fucked. I mean it.
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The plan was to Make Actual Lunch, and Do Laundry, but instead I used up literally my entire burst of energy on going down the street and buying a pumpkin pie of all things, which I don't even feel like eating??? Huh?? The first 20 minutes in like a month that I don't feel Completely Out Of It, and this is how I use my one decision-making braincell.
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long post so i GUESS i’ll put it under the cut
so i’ve been really reflecting lately on my self diagnosis of autism, especially since i’ve been really coming into myself and managing my anxiety better than ever before, and ive been wondering whether it might be that the symptoms i thought were attached to being autistic are just how anxiety manifests in me and the things about myself that i thought proved that i dont have adhd in any way may also just be how anxiety manifests in me. because also even though ive really related with autism and the social symptoms, i’ve never really been sure i have sensory processing issues, at least not to the extent that the dsm specifies in order to be autistic. and what i really HAVE related to is the inability to just sit down and get shit done. so i took another self assessment with this clearer knowledge i have of myself and how i really function as a human being when im on my own and living as an adult and
the only ones that arent high levels are literally the ones that i can directly pinpoint as one of my biggest concerns with my anxiety. impulsivity is the one that makes adhders more likely to butt into conversations or keep going on for a long time or make decisions and later regret them. as you may have noticed i am particularly long winded when im typing, but is that true of me in real life? like at all? not really. i struggle to get two words out sometimes. i was selectively mute in my childhood. i can say for a fact that the reason for this in my hyper-awareness of the potential of making a faux pas or embarrassing myself in social situations. and i have decision paralysis due to the same phenomenon. im very aware of the potential of disappointing other people if i make a bad decision. im not sure if impulsivity would manifest itself in the “typical” adhd way if my anxiety wasn’t there, but i have no way of ever knowing that because it is.
and forgetfulness. i beat that shit out of myself when i was younger. i can clearly remember a time in elementary school, then in middle school, then in high school (before i started writing sticky notes for myself) when i would get myself in trouble just simply because of forgetting about assignments. my family is very academically oriented. my parents wouldnt be SUPER mad at me if i was trying my best and didnt get good grades, but i knew they would be disappointed if i didnt try my best. i have so many systems in place so as to never ever forget about schoolwork any more. you have no clue how revolutionary it is for me that college professors actually put all of the assignments for the semester of the syllabus. one of my biggest gripes about high school was that the teachers would just assign homework seemingly at random? it was easy to forget if you werent writing it all down, ok? and for appointments? same deal. my parents kind of took care of the remembering appointments part before i got older and by now i do have these systems in place for myself. i do often forget to make calls, mostly because i dont make a point of writing it down as a task for myself because making calls gives me anxiety. yeah.
also i sat here and took this assessment and wrote all of this instead of working on my 2000 word midterm paper due next tuesday for which i have exactly one sentence written. listen, procrastination is a universal trait, but i just felt like it was relevant.
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