#oh you tripped over thin air? perhaps we were lovers in another life?

[ningtual]

i have a severe case of loserboyritis, the more loser a boy is the more i want to jump him like an animal

[crimsonophelia]

Can I request for a fluffy friends to lovers fic with Venti and a human gn reader? They’re good friends (but the reader doesn’t know his real identity) and when reader brings up their desire to see a wind wisp in real life Venti decides to surprise them by transforming into his true form and paying them a visit. The reader finds this mysterious little wind wisp at their doorstep and gets excited, takes care of it, and while feeding it apple slices starts talking about how their good friend Venti would love to see them - but oh, he’s less of a friend and more of a crush who I’ve loved for a long time… wait, where did the wisp go? Wait, Venti?! When did you get here?!

featuring: venti x gn!reader

warnings: none

published: june 30, 2021

form: imagine

a/n: thank you for sending this in—i need more venti requests, he’s my baby <3

you could tell that the drink was beginning to hit you hard when you felt your muscles go slack. it was your fourth pint of the night, and although you thought that you could hold your drink fairly well, you could never hold a candle to your bard friend’s seemingly bottomless appetite for wine. venti was on his seventh--or was it eighth?--mug of cider for the night, and was still fairly unfazed, if you consider his usual bumbling amiability to be his default. after a long day of working and whatever it was that venti did in the daytime, you two had decided to meet up at the angel’s share that evening for a drinking night between friends, and to catch up on life and whatever else goes on in the city of mondstadt. 

the night had begun with a mug per person, as you and venti caught up with each other. due to your duties at home, and his rather inconstant job as a traveling musician, it was oftentimes difficult for you and the bard to stay in touch--responsibilities always seemed to get in the way. so, naturally, you took advantage of every opportunity you could get to see venti, one-on-one, and simply talk. after knowing him for quite a while, he really was a delight to talk to, always full of witty riddles and forever knowing the right thing to say at the right time. venti really was quite remarkable. 

he also had the unique talent of contagious alcoholism; after having spent an hour or so drinking and chatting with him, you unwittingly started drinking more than your usual limit, absolutely carried away with whatever small conversation venti had you engaged with at the moment. the conversation had somehow strayed into the topic of myths and legends of mondstadt. venti was speaking of some strange conspiracies surrounding the origin of the anemo hypostasis up in the mountains, and as the alcohol began to break down your proper judgement, you began to go on and on about how you, as a child, dreamed of seeing an elusive wind wisp. 

you had heard stories about the boy revolutionary, armed with his bow and his words, accompanied by a little white wind wisp, leading mondstadt’s journey to freedom. the story had enchanted you when you were young, and clearly you still had not given up hope of meeting a similar wind wisp. perhaps it would bring you the same joy and power to change your life for the better, just like it did for the hero of old mondstadt. 

venti listened to your reminiscing closely, looking at you with a quizzical look of interest. your intoxicated state made it so that you didn’t notice the look on his face as if he was plotting something, but, to be fair, venti’s poker face was notable for its impregnability. the night ended with him having to walk you home, propping your arm over his shoulders so that you wouldn’t trip and fall on the cobblestone streets. the last thing you remembered was him tucking you into bed, and singing you one of his funny little songs.

the next morning, you woke with a pounding headache and the bright noon sun peeking through your shutters. archons, was it so late already? you pulled yourself out of bed, trying not to stumble, distracted by the pounding in your head. you had a long list of things to do today that you had to complete, and you severely regretted drinking so much and so late with that damned bard last night (though you could never really hate him--he was too adorable).

slipping on whatever clothing closest to your bed and sluggishly following through with your daily morning routine, you got ready to head out the door to water the carrots and potatoes in your backyard. as you pulled open the door, prepared to step out and face the piercing daylight, you caught yourself as you almost stepped on the little figure at your doorstep. lying there on its side, was a wind wisp. yes, just like the ones you had read about all your childhood and you had mused about endlessly last night. it had its little eyes shut, sleeping probably, its delicate little form curled up on the step. 

you were bewildered, partially at the coincidence of it all, but mostly by the rarity of what had occurred before your eyes. a wind wisp, something most people never even saw once in their lifetimes, suddenly showing up right at your doorstep after you had talked about your desire to meet one just the night before. crouching down, you scooped up its little body in your hands. the little thing began to wake, hands rubbing its eyes sleepily, as it made a chirping noise. it was ridiculously adorable. 

“hey there, little guy”, you cooed. “what are you doing here?”

as it began to regain consciousness, the wisp floated up off your hands, small gusts of air emitting from its form, and it flew up to nuzzle against your face. it felt like a warm breeze brushing against your cheek, and you heard it chirping in your ear. 

you giggled. “well aren’t you the cutest little thing!” you raised your hand to pet it, and it made a little gurgling noise, leaning into your touch. something about its mannerisms felt so familiar, almost like something you had known in a past life perhaps, but you couldn’t put a finger on it. its presence was just endlessly comforting, even though you had only known it for a few minutes. 

reaching into your pantry, you pulled out some apples you had picked the day before, and cut it into small slices. the wisp watched you eagerly as you went about your business, like it could understand everything you did. holding up a thin slice to the wisp, a little hole in its void of a face opened up and enveloped the slice whole. a little shocked but certainly entertained, you gave it an approving head pat. 

as the day went on, the little wisp continued to follow you throughout mondstadt as you ran your errands. you went outside, behind your house, to take care of the crops you were growing. as you watered your plants, the little wisp helped you disperse the water more efficiently, blowing a gentle wind from your watering can so that you didn’t have to walk as far to water the faraway plants. you go to pick some apples and sunsettias nearby, and the little fellow would fly up to the hard-to-reach fruits and throw himself against them to knock them loose from the branches, right where you could catch them. you worried a little bit whether he was hurting himself by doing so, but he appeared to be pleased just to assist you, and he certainly was not ashamed to take a few bites from the fruits of your shared labor at the end of the day. 

considering how efficiently your errands were completed today, of course all thanks to the helper you acquired that morning, you thought it would be nice to use the time you had in the late afternoon to take the wisp out for a picnic dinner at windrise to show your appreciation. gathering some of the fruit the both of you had collected, and some sandwiches you made, you placed it all in a little wicker basket and set off for the great tree with your companion upon your shoulder. 

upon arriving, you laid down a gingham blanket in the shade of the great tree of windrise, just a moments away from the ancient statue of barbatos. you felt like a child again, remembering the summers of carefree exploration, tunneling through the thickets in the forest, or catching frogs by the creek, or tumbling down the hills by the sea. and now, a wisp joined you, taking you back to the memories of those years, when life was much simpler.

you couldn’t help but to think of venti, the bard, the friend, who had brought you such comfort through difficult times, whose music, like the warm touch of the wisp, reminded you of home and the beauty that life could bring. your companion was now feasting comedically fast on the food you had brought along, swallowing up fruits whole, and chewing for several moments before helping itself to another. you chuckled and gave it a pat. “greedy little fellow, aren’t you?” you couldnt help but to think venti would have loved to meet the wind wisp, considering his love for nature and all sorts of fauna, and considering the small resemblance between himself and the creature.

“stick around for a bit and i might introduce you to my friend, the bard”, you told it, not really caring that it probably couldn’t understand you. “im actually not sure that we are friends, to be honest. these days we rarely see each other but...” you trailed off, distracted by the sound of the breeze through the branches. the wisp stopped eating and watched you intently. “well”, you began. “i sometimes find myself wishing him and i were more than friends. maybe not lovers, not right away but... i just know that dearly. i cannot be sure that he feels the same, but that is of no matter.” you pat the wisp’s little head again. “if i can make him happy, even just as friends, that is enough for me.”

out of nowhere, a strong wind blew past you, knocking over your wicker basket and sending it flying several feet away. agitated, you scrambled up to chase after it, finally grasping it before it could fly too far. you were perplexed—where in the world could such a strong wind have come from? the sky was clear, and there were no clouds obstructing the setting sun. how odd, you thought to yourself.

you turned around to bring the basket back to your sitting spot, but to your surprise, the wisp was gone. no, in its place was now your bard friend, venti, sitting there on the blanket like he had been there all along. how in the world did he get here without you noticing, and where in the world did the wisp go off to? you hurried over to venti, questioning, “since when did you get here?”

the bard smirked, and fiddled with his lyre that you just noticed he had brought along with him. he had that look on his face again, the one he wore whenever he had some sort of plot in mind.  “whatever do you mean, [y/n]?”, he replied amusedly. “i’ve been here all along.”

[sundaysundaes]

Spectra

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader/Female OC | Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff | NC-17 | Soulmate AU, Childhood-Friends-Become-Lovers AU

The second part of Monochrome. Read the epilogue here.

Summary: Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.

Donghyuck woke up with his heart in his throat. His eyes, as they bore into the ceilings of his room, swallowed by the darkness, were shaking in both fear and rapture. Two things occupied his mind, forcibly pushing his other thoughts away and rendered them pointless.

First, he knew it wasn’t just a dream. Like what she’d previously mentioned, it felt nothing like a dream. He was completely aware of everything, perfectly sane, and could thoroughly remember every detail, every scene, every word that she said even after he woke up.

Second, he was certain that it was a memory, and although he was in it, he knew it was her memory and not his, because there were parts of it that felt vague to him before but were crystal clear now as he saw it through her point of view. He had his first soulmate dream, there was no doubt about it.

So that brought him to the next question.

Why did he dream about her? She’d found her soulmate, hadn’t she? And she had explicitly stated many times that her soulmate was not him, but a complete stranger—one that she only knew by his face and not his name. So, wasn’t he supposed to be connected to someone else—to see someone else’s memories?

He leaned up, sitting on his bed with his elbows sinking into his thighs, his fingers yanking at the roots of his hair. “Fuck, I don’t get it,” he whispered to himself, feeling a little bit lightheaded from all these unsolved questions swirling in his brain. “Am I her soulmate? Do I still have the chance to be with her?”

But even a chance would be enough, he soon decided. Even just reliving her memories every night, knowing her better, seeing her longer, that would be enough reasons for him to continue with his hope.

Perhaps, he could believe in soulmates for a little longer.

There were a few short memories he saw in his first soulmate dream, most of them were from her childhood days which made him feel content to the point he wanted to never wake up because these flashbacks always had him in them. He was an integral part of her childhood memories, the one who shaped her into the person that she was now.

But the memory that shook him the most was the memory of the time they went to the beach during their summer vacation with his family. Donghyuck watched himself sneak out of their cottage in his grey hoodie placed underneath a beige varsity jacket. He saw a few months younger version of himself, grinning from ear-to-ear, as he shouted in whispers.

“Come on, Noona, hurry up!”

“Haechannie, it’s two in the morning!”

The sight of her had always warmed his heart, but in this dream he was having, her beauty seemed almost ethereal as if her entire being was a piece of art with the sole purpose of being loved and admired.

“Which is the more reason why we should hurry up before they find out, Noona, for God’s sake, come on!” He grasped her by the wrist, yanking her forward so he could close the door behind her. They stepped down the stairs in a hurry, their flip-flops making creaking sounds on the wooden surface.

“If your mom finds out and she—” She abruptly ended her sentence with a yelp as she tripped on her feet, clutching her arms around his shoulders for balance, pressing her chest involuntarily against his back. The boy threw a glance over his shoulder, clearly enjoying the way she had her arms wrapped tightly around his body. Smirking suggestively, he cooed, “Baby, you’re so aggressive. At least, buy me dinner first.”

“Asshole.” She retracted her hands at once, shoving him harshly until this time, he was the one who tripped down the stairs, falling face-first on the ground, inadvertently swallowing some sand into his mouth. She concealed her marbled teeth with her fingers as she giggled at the sight, but began to run for her life when he growled, “I’m going to kill you,” and chased after her trails with his arms reaching out to catch her.

The reason they had their feet dipped in the sand at two in the morning was simply because Donghyuck couldn’t sleep at the sight of her curling beside him on the thin mattress that was laid out in the living room. The cottage only had three rooms, one was used by his parents, another one was supposed to be used by her and his twin sister, and the last one was for him and his two younger brothers to snuggle up together in a cramped bed. But Donghyuck had insisted to sleep outside so he could watch a movie before bed and his parents didn’t mind, even if his neighbor ended up joining him in the middle of the night upon his request.

So when she fell asleep next to him, her face almost sinking into the crook of his neck, and her hand laying on his stomach, mistaking him as her usual body pillow, Donghyuck had to distract himself before he thought about doing something sinful. So he shook her by the shoulder, told her to wipe the drool away from her face, and asked her to follow him outside, mentioning that he suddenly had the urge to stargaze. And although a train of complaints kept tumbling down her lips, she followed—she always did, no matter where he led her to.

“What are you doing?” He questioned the girl who stood next to him, looking like she wanted him to do something. “Sit down next to me, come on.”

“I’m waiting for you to be a gentleman.”

“What?”

“Aren’t you supposed to lay down your jacket on the ground so this lady right here won’t have sand on her shorts? You’re wearing two jackets, after all.”

“Yeah, but not for you to sit on it.” Donghyuck, who had already sat down on the damp sand, rolled his eyes. “You watch too many dramas. Guys don’t do that in real life.”

“It’s you who don’t do that.” And with pouty lips, she quietly added, “Jaemin did that for me.”

“I heard that.”

“I wanted you to hear it.”

“And so how are things going on with this Jaemin so far? Is he still giving you sloppy blowjobs on the weekends?” He faked a gasp, one hand covering his mouth for dramatic effect. “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot he broke up with you.” A cheeky grin crawled up his face. “On. Your. Fucking. Birthday.”

“Whatever.” She blushed. “At least, he’s hotter than you’ll ever be.”

He seemed more annoyed than he should, and she was on the verge of thinking whether her joke was going too far but Donghyuck exhaled loudly into the air, standing up on his feet again and tore his varsity jacket off his body. “Here,” he said, as he spread it out on the ground. “Your majesty.”

“Why, thank you, my prince.” She giggled, plopping down on the sand. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

And they ended up throwing playful kicks and punches to each other again like the other million times they did, before they finally laid side-by-side on the sand, sweaty and out of breath.

“Haechannie.”

“What?”

“Do you think we'll still do this after we get married and have kids?” She asked, gazing at the stars that gleamed radiantly in the black night sky.

“Us?” Donghyuck rubbed his nose, a speck of sand making his skin itchy. “Like, in bed? Well, I don’t know about you, but I think I might be into rough sex, but maybe after a few years deep into our marriage so you won’t—”

“Not us getting married, you idiot!” She grappled another handful of sand, threatening to throw it on his face but Donghyuck already had his arms raised in surrender. “I mean, do you see us hanging out like this when we already have our own families to think about?”

“I don’t like to think too much.” He nonchalantly shrugged. “It’s still way ahead in the future. I’d probably die an early death from being too rich and handsome, anyway.”

“You’d die from being too dumb.”

“I was talking about me, not you.” He swatted her hand away when she was about to shove him in the chest. “Speaking of getting married, why don’t we make a pact?” Though his heart was racing a bit faster, he kept his lopsided grin intact as they shared eye contact. “If, after we turn eighteen, we end up having no dreams of our soulmates, why don’t you and I get together?”

She unexpectedly blurted out laughing. “I can understand if you think that there’s a chance of me not having any soulmate, but the chance of me not finding anyone more decent than you as my husband? How dare you, Lee Donghyuck.”

“I’m just saying,” he repeated, turning on his stomach. “If by the time we turn thirty or something we still haven’t found anyone, why don’t you and I get married?”

“I thought we’ve promised somewhere along the way in our poor little friendship that we’d never talk about this again?”

“I think we’re mature enough to have this conversation by now. So, what do you think?”

She was still on the verge of laughing. “What I think about what, Haechannie, you’re being absolutely crazy and embarrassing—”

“Why is it so hard for you to just say yes and marry me?” He insisted, holding back a laugh himself because her smile was so contagious. “Is it seriously that gross for you to think of me as your husband?”

“It’s not that, it’s—Oh my God, okay,” she finally gave in, heaving the heaviest sigh before she sat up properly and turned toward him. “Look, you’re not exactly the most romantic person out there.”

“Hey,” he pouted, scowling a little. “I can be romantic. You just don’t know it yet because you’ve never seen me on a date.”

“Yeah? Then try me.”

“Try what?”

“Be romantic. Do something that can make my heart flutter for you, oh my mighty prince,” she jeered, throwing a challenging, mocking smile at him. “If you can make my heart skip a beat, I’ll marry you.”

He scoffed. “Man, I know you’re shy but you don’t have to challenge me with this pathetic dare if you want to marry me that bad.”

She stood up immediately. “I’m leaving.”

He was chuckling as he captured her by the wrist. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, wait.” He tapped his chin, nibbling slightly on his bottom lip. “Let’s see… What should I do…. What should I—oh!”

She raised an eyebrow, seeing him stand up on his feet. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna take you dancing.” He offered her his hand and she stared at it with reluctance written in her eyes before she sighed and took it. He pulled her abruptly with all his strength to make her stumble on her feet, but he caught her just in time by circling his arms around her waist, leading her close until they’re chest-to-chest.

“Blushing yet?” He teased, smirking.

“I’m starting to think this is a bad idea,” she flatly said, pushing him away but he took her hand and placed it on his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“As I said,” he paused, taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and running his thumb along the screen. He chose one of the acoustic songs in his music playlist—Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud which made her scrunch her nose in protest—turned his speaker to the highest volume and hid the phone in the pocket of his hoodie. “I’m gonna take you dancing.”

She snorted but followed his lead, landing both of her arms on his shoulders. “Why am I not surprised that your song choice is something from Billboard’s Top Twenty?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I left my compilation of classic slow dance songs back at my house, along with my ballet shoes and my tutus.”

She narrowed her eyes at his sarcasm. “Okay, Ed Sheeran it is then.”

The first half of the song went by in what felt like hours to her from all the tension that arose between them. While she moved rather awkwardly, trying to match how his body slightly swayed from one side to another, Donghyuck smiled, softer than she could even begin to imagine, and gently asked, “Can I move closer?”

She could faintly feel his breath on her face even in their current position, but she gave a weak nod and answered, “S-sure.”

Donghyuck held back a grin. “Was that a stutter?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I do stutter from time to time, idiot. Everyone does that.”

“Okay, okay, geez. Cranky, much?”

“I’m just not sure if—” she took a sharp intake of breath when he suddenly leaned closer, his lips almost grazing against hers before he pulled away to give very little space between them. “You’re not playing fair,” she whispered, trying not to focus on his lips.

His eyes were half-lidded as he took in her features. “You didn’t make any rules.”

“I hate you.”

“Man, I was hoping you’d feel otherwise, but,” he guided her hands so they could circle themselves around his neck, as he moved his own lower on her body, resting on each side of her waist. “I only just started, so…”

She was breathing a little heavily, but not expanding the space between them, afraid to lose the game. She didn’t want to give him any more reason to ridicule her. “Right, so, what’s next? Because you’re not making me feel anything with this, Haechannie.”

He slowly brushed her bangs away from her eyes, his fingertips grazing against the soft skin of her temple. “Have I told you about the day when I realized I love you?”

That question almost rendered her frozen on her feet, but she caught herself at the last second. “A pick-up line?” She tried to pretend it didn’t have any effect on her by scoffing out loud. “Seriously?”

But Donghyuck was not laughing nor reciprocating in any teasing manner. His eyes were dark and deep, with all kinds of emotions swirling behind them. The tone he was using when he spoke his next words was filled with nothing but sincerity and candor.

“Maybe I’ve loved you since the first time we met, but…” He added a small chuckle as if he was shy and she wondered since when did he become such a good actor? “I guess I was too young, but I do remember that one time when I saw you and I thought,” he exhaled, reaching up a hand to cup her cheek before he pressed his temple against hers, “God, I gotta have her.”

She gulped hard, feeling her breath hitched in her throat. She just hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“You were wearing this beautiful red dress that I’d never seen you worn before, but it wasn’t just how pretty you looked that caught me off guard.” His words didn’t have as much effect on her as the tender way he regarded her with his deep, brown eyes, just utterly mesmerized by her everything. “It was the way you call my name with that adorable shy smile on your face, asking me about how you look and I just….” He leaned down so they’re eye-to-eye, with his fingers holding her face and his thumb caressing her cheek. “I just thought that maybe I want to keep you for myself. I want to hear you say my name, to show me that smile again, over and over—every day, for the rest of my life. I don’t want you to belong to someone else. I want to be the only one you can think about, both in your reality and your dreams.”

As if she was being hypnotized, her eyes began to solely focus on the way his mouth was shaping praises and terms of longing.

“I’ve never seen you as a friend, or a sister.” He was so close, so warm, so intoxicating. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything—anyone—as much as I want you now and it fucking hurts to hear another guy’s name escaping your lips because I just really…” He sighed. “Really want you for myself. All of you. Your kindness, your warmth, your crazy bedhead, your stupid, silly grin whenever you won a game against me. I want everything, and I need you to feel the same way, to need me as much as I need you.”

“Haechannie, I—”

“Listen, Noona.” His voice sounded both pained and desperate. “I know you don’t feel the same way, you don’t have to tell me that but I just—I want to be selfish, even more than I already am, and let you know just how much I want to be with you,” his other hand traced along the dip of her spine, “and hold you,” the fingers that were cupping her cheek were now holding her by the chin, his thumb running along her lower lip, “and kiss you…”

She unconsciously parted her lips, perhaps putting her best effort to find her words but failed every time and the temptation that he felt to replace his finger with his own lips on her was too overwhelming so before anything went wrong, he pulled back and loudly yelled, “Okay, cut!”

The sudden loss of his touch on her body didn’t feel as disheartening to him as the look he saw on her face, and maybe the way the moonlight shone across her features was playing tricks on him, because she seemed… disappointed that he stopped.

Maybe she just got carried away with the moment. Or maybe she could tell that he was being honest the whole time, knowing that it was an actual confession rather than another crazy antic of his. And maybe she was about to give him the chance, to actually look at him in the same way he looked at her, to feel the way he felt about her, and…

And he ruined the moment.

“N-Noona?” He started when she fell quiet, hiding her eyes behind her bangs. “Are you—”

“It’s getting late,” she suddenly mentioned, bending down to grab his varsity jacket from the sandy ground and harshly pushed it toward him. “Let’s get back to the cottage. We need to catch some sleep.” And as she walked off, not glancing back to see whether he was following or not, Donghyuck noticed how red her face was even when there wasn’t enough lighting around them.

As a bystander in this memory, eighteen-year-old Lee Donghyuck felt a hollow forming inside his chest, swallowing his presence one-by-one until he ceased to exist because as he relived the situation for the second time in his life, he knew how badly he had screwed everything up. He had turned his honest confession into another teasing joke because he just wasn’t brave enough to take the risks—to tell her his actual feelings in fear of ruining the bond that they already had. He saw the look on her face vividly this time, and it wasn’t pure rejection. He had a hope, she was about to give in, and he lost his chance.

And now, as she fell harder for the stranger she met in her dreams, Donghyuck was nothing but a memory—one that she’d bury at the back of her mind, one that she’d pretend to never have existed in her life.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Hyuck,” he muttered under his breath before he blinked himself awake.

***

“Haechannie! Are you up yet?”

Donghyuck could hear a clanking sound on his window, perhaps from small rocks hitting the glass. Rubbing the headache away from the back of his head, he stepped down from the bed, taking heavy steps to greet the person standing on the other side of the window.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” his neighbor chirped with an excited smile, leaning half of her body forward, crossing over her window frame. He noticed how her eyes took a quick detour on his body, as he was not wearing any shirt, but she tried to act nonchalant about it. “A lady is gracing you with her presence, so get dressed.”

Usually, he would’ve said something flirty along the line of “But isn’t this how I always look like in your dreams?” But this time, he kept himself quiet, only sighing to himself as if he had troubles that he couldn’t talk about.

And she noticed. She always did. “Are you okay?”

“Just had a bad dream.” He shrugged, feeling sleepier than before he went to bed.

“I’m guessing, you haven’t met your soulmate yet?”

He hesitated. “Well, I saw you.”

She blinked, a bit startled, but she promptly laughed it off. “Right, must have sucked then. You were waiting for a pretty stranger and I popped out instead. Sorry about that.”

He tapped his fingers against the railing, somewhat agitatedly and impatient. “Noona, about last night when we accidentally kissed. Did it… make you feel something?”

He swore, she almost fell to the floor out of shock. Blood was rushing to her face, making her incoherent. “What—why—I thought we were going to pretend it didn’t happen—”

He knew it was probably a bad idea to question all this, but if he did have the chance to be with her, no matter how small it is, if she really did feel the same way, he had to know. He couldn’t make the same mistake again.

“I thought about your reaction after that kiss. I just want to know whether it made you feel something.” He was gripping the railings by then, sounding desperate, craving for her honesty. “Something about me.”

She sputtered, mouth gaping as she was rendered speechless. But before she could react any further, they both heard her mother calling her name. Donghyuck regarded it as a distraction, but to her, it was a lifesaver. Speaking in a sense of urgency, she said, “I gotta go.”

“Noona—”

“Haechannie.” The tone she was using was definite, not wanting to hear more words from him. “I think we should stop talking about it, especially when we’re a step closer to finding our soulmates.”

He frowned, feeling as if he just got impaled. “What are you—”

“I know his name now.” A weak smile appeared on her face. “I heard someone calling his name in my dream last night. That was what I was going to tell you.”

It appeared again, the hollow inside his chest, and it grew even bigger, sucking every part of him like a black hole. “So you’re going to pretend nothing happened between us?”

“Yes, because nothing happened between us,” she professed. “It was just an accident, Haechannie.” She seemed exhausted, almost as if answering his question was draining her physically. “None of us wanted that kiss to happen.”

Donghyuck glanced away, giving her the cold shoulder. “Sure. Whatever.”

She sighed, tired of his behavior. “Look, maybe you’re just confused because of everything that happened last night, what with us spending time alone holding hands, me giving you that locket with those words—maybe we crossed the line and I apologize for that since half of it was my fault. But whatever it is that you think is happening between us will disappear the second you meet your soulmate in your dream,” she claimed, using a tone like how a mother would console her crying child. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you but if being with me makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, maybe it’s best if we keep our distance for now?”

He gaped, his heart almost leaping out of his chest. “No! That’s not what—”

Her mother’s voice rang through the air again, making her flinch. “Look, I really gotta go,” she softly said with a timid smile. “We’ll talk later?”

And before he could answer, she already stepped away from her window. She didn’t look back until she had her fingers curving against her doorknob. “Oh, and umm,” she paused, looking unsure before she looked sideways. “His name is Mark Lee, my soulmate. Just thought you should know.”

And she left, trampling on his heart with every step she took.

***

There was an invisible wall between them, and no matter how hard Donghyuck tried to tear it apart, it wouldn’t budge so instead of fixing things, he decided to give her the time and space she needed.

Because what else could he have done? She had already rejected him before he could even confess properly—or for real, this time around. It was as if she was scared to give in to her feelings, which made him feel even more confident that she had felt something for him. She was just too lost in this whole soulmate concept that it blinded her entirely, while he, on the other hand, had begun to stop believing in it and dwell himself deeper in reality rather than his dreams.

But when one of his bandmates, Lee Jeno, announced that his cousin was going to come in to temporarily fill the position of lead guitar player in their band, Donghyuck had no other choice but to believe that fate did take part in connecting a red thread from one lover to another. Because, standing in a pair of jeans and a black shirt with his eyes half-covered by his white snapback, was Mark Lee—her soulmate.

Donghyuck could tell that he was the same Mark Lee she mentioned because he had seen her drawings of him. It had taken her weeks before she could finish his sketch, drawing him solely based on the memories she had witnessed in her dreams and though it wasn’t a hundred percent accurate, she did manage to sketch his distinct features—his prominent cheekbones, his thin, curvy lips, his wide, doe eyes.

The sight of him, standing just two meters away from him, sent chills down his spine.

“Hey guys,” Mark said, giving them a tentative smile. Even his awkwardness looked exactly the way she described him to be.

“This is Lee Donghyuck, our vocalist.” Jeno introduced him, “He’s an ass and you’ll probably get into a fight with him sooner or later—we all did—but after that, he’ll get all clingy to you. Just a heads up so you won’t be surprised and end up leaving the band before the gig.”

Mark laughed at that, friendly and warm, and it set Donghyuck’s heart ablaze for an entirely different reason. It was the first time he met him and yet he already despised everything that he was.

“It’s weird,” Mark said, offering his hand for a handshake. “I thought your friends call you Haechan too.”

Donghyuck froze, almost losing his grip on his phone. “What?”

Mark blinked, the realization hit him like a wave when he looked around, noticing everyone looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and questioning eyes. “Oh, I mean,” he panicked, “I-it’s nothing. I was just talking to myself. I’m weird that way.”

“Don’t worry, bud,” Jeno said, picking up his bass. “We’re all a bunch of freaks here. That’s why we get along.”

Mark smiled but seemed more like a grimace. He turned toward Donghyuck again. “Sorry about that. Nice to meet you, Lee Donghyuck. I hope we can be friends.”

Donghyuck took his hand but wished for the exact opposite.

***

“Do you have some time to spare, Donghyuck-ah?”

Donghyuck already knew who it was without having to glance up from his phone screen. It wasn’t because Mark’s voice was distinct to his ears, it was simply because his voice and the way he said his name as if they were best friends irked him so much.

“No,” Donghyuck answered, tapping his thumbs rapidly to earn another high score on the game he was playing. He was squatting down on the ground with his shoulders slouched forward. They just finished having their third band practice in the same studio that week, and although he was drained to his boots, Jeno kept insisting to have another practice so they wouldn’t embarrass the shit out of themselves when they performed as the opening act at prom.

Mark laid his guitar case against the wall before he took a seat next to him in the alley that stood behind their music studio. “Well, you look like you do, so I’m just gonna sit here and ask you something.”

Donghyuck scoffed. “You’re actually pretty annoying, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like me—”

“I dislike people in general, so don’t consider yourself special.”

Mark seemed amused at his words which pissed him off even more. “I know we just met for a few days and it’s probably better for me to leave you alone—”

“And yet, here you are, talking to me when I’m trying to finish this fucking game.” He moved his thumbs more frantically than before, making Mark worry that he was going to break his phone screen, and stopped when the game ended with him winning second place. “Look what you’ve done. Happy now?”

“I thought that was a pretty high score.”

“That was the lowest score I’ve ever achieved in my life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Just fuck off, Mark.” Even when his tone sounded final, Mark did not budge.

“I promise I’ll leave you alone after this, but I just really need to ask something first,” he said, slightly forcing the other man to look at him by placing an arm on his shoulder. “I see you a lot in my dreams.”

Donghyuck knew exactly what he meant, but he wasn’t going to dwell himself in it. “Sorry, dude,” he uttered, slapping his hand away. “I’m not gay.”

“No. That’s not what I meant.” Mark had the bravery to laugh about it. “You’ve heard about the soulmate dream, right? How you could see your soulmate’s memories—”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about it and I’m also not interested.” He stood up, tucking his phone back to the pocket of his jeans, and leaned sideways to grab his backpack. “I’m leaving.”

“Please.” Mark stopped him by wrapping his thin fingers along his wrist. “Please help me. By your reaction, I know she’s told you about me and I want to find her—I need to find her. I just don’t know where to start. I don’t even know her name.”

“Well, it’s not my fucking problem, is it?” Donghyuck harshly pulled his wrist away, stomping his feet on the pavement, away from the other man.

Mark stood up, desperation sounding thick in his voice. “Can’t we just—Donghyuck-ah!”

“Fuck off, Mark.”

“You love her, don’t you?”

That stopped him in his tracks, making him turn on his heels, hissing, “Excuse me?”

Mark fidgeted slightly, swallowing his breath. “You’re acting this way because you love her. More than a friend. That’s why you don’t want to help me.”

He had earned his whole attention now. “The reason why I’m not helping you is simply because you’re a fucking stranger who’s looking for ways to get into my best friend’s pants.”

“I’m not—” Mark blushed. “Listen, I’m just trying to find my soulmate. I know she’s looking for me too. I’ve seen her memories. I’ve seen you spending a lot of time with her too. I won’t be surprised if you end up having feelings for her—”

Donghyuck almost bared his teeth. “Shut up.”

“But she’s not your soulmate, so—“

“Shut the fuck up!” It happened so fast for Mark’s eyes to catch, but the next thing he knew, Donghyuck’s fingers were fisting the collar of his shirt, slamming his body against the wall and Mark groaned lowly, feeling pain spreading like wildfire from the back of his skull.

“You don’t know anything about me, Mark Lee.” The way Donghyuck spat out his name was laced with nothing but venom. “And don’t you dare talk to me about this soulmate bullshit. Falling in love with a complete stranger just because you saw her in your dreams? Do you know how fucking ridiculous you sound in my head?”

Still wincing from the pain, he replied, “I saw the way you looked at her.”

“I don’t fucking care,” Donghyuck snarled, tightening his grip around the fabric of his shirt. “And if I were you, I would just fuck off and try my luck finding her somewhere else because I’m not gonna tell you anything. Do we have that clear?”

Mark didn’t say a word in response, but his eyes were locked into his. Donghyuck could see how they didn’t waver in the slightest, and the way Mark’s fingernails were sinking deep into his wrist let him know that this man could hold his own battle if needed.

Donghyuck released his hold with a hard shove, and Mark didn’t blink an eye even after knowing his strength.

“Just so you know,” Mark said, when Donghyuck began to step away, slinging his backpack to one of his shoulders. “She would’ve done the opposite for you. She would’ve helped you find your soulmate. But I guess, you already know that.”

Donghyuck stomped off, kicking a trash can on his way out until it toppled over to the ground.

***

Their next band practice was filled with nothing but severe tension between him and Mark, and Jeno had to sigh in exasperation every time one of them made a mistake and blamed the other for it.

“The two of you,” he said, scowling at the two boys who were still trying to murder each other with their glares. “Just go home. Now.”

And unlike Mark, Donghyuck didn’t hesitate—didn’t even try to reason. He just snatched his backpack and walked out the door, slamming his shoulder against Mark’s on his way out.

Jeno grimaced, probably imagining the trouble Mark had to bear while seeing him rubbing off the pain. “Remember when I told you he’s an ass?”

Mark timidly smiled. “Yeah.”

Donghyuck walked home with a sore throat and sweaty bangs. He was no longer as furious as before, but he had to make sure to push every thought of Mark away from his head if he wanted to spend the rest of his evening in peace. He was beyond exhausted and in desperate need of a good, warm shower. He glanced at the house he grew to be more familiar than his own, feeling disappointed that she wasn’t sitting on her porch, waiting for his arrival like usual though she would never admit that out loud.

Well, he should’ve seen that coming. After what happened that morning, he would’ve avoided him too if he was her. But almost a week had passed and they had no interaction, not even meeting each other by coincidence. And although she seemed fine with it, Donghyuck felt more than miserable.

God, if only I can stop missing her so much…

But he couldn’t, so he broke through her fence, and turned over the doorknob of her front door. “Auntie? It’s me. I’m coming in.”

The clicking sounds of footsteps meeting vinyl flooring had him excited in anticipation of her face and the shy, awkward smile she always threw whenever they had arguments a few moments before. But the one who greeted him was her mother, grinning widely at the sight of him as she wiped her hands on her apron.

“Ah, Hyuckie,” she squealed. “Glad you’re here, I was just making dinner. Wanna join us?”

“Oh, no thanks. I just ate something on the way back. Is she here?”

“She said she was heading to the park to draw something. It was hours ago, though. I’m also wondering why she hasn’t come home yet.”

“I see…” There was a knot in his stomach again, making him feel uneasy but he beamed at her again. “Well, I think she’ll be back soon but I’ll go search for her, just in case.”

She pressed a hand against her heart. “Aaw. Always being her knight in shining armor. She’s so lucky to have you.”

He blushed but covered it with a peal of bashful laughter. Saying his goodbye, he turned around to take his leave but she stopped him with a call of his name. “Yeah, auntie?”

“Have you heard…” She hesitated. “Have you heard about her soulmate?”

Donghyuck curled his fingers. “A little.”

Her eyes gleamed in sadness and, as much as Donghyuck hated to see it, sympathy. “Are you okay, Hyuckie? With all of this?”

Thunder roared inside his chest, making him stand still. “What—of course, I’m fine. I’m glad she’s having these dreams. She’ll probably gonna see him soon.”

And Donghyuck never pegged himself as an actor, but seeing how she gradually picked up her motherly smile back on her face and no longer staring at him as if one of his family members just died in such a tragic way, maybe he had a natural talent in lying about his emotions.

“I’m so glad you’re taking this well. I guess I’m not as sharp as I used to be.” She chuckled to herself, a bit diffident. “To tell you the truth, I was rooting for you to be her soulmate. You guys just look so adorable together, but maybe it’s weird for you since you probably think of her as a sister or something.”

“That’s right.” There was a crack in his voice, but he hastily covered it with another smile. “A sister.”

“Which turns out to be a good thing. Because if you love her that way but she’s not your soulmate then it’s going to be hard on both of you.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You see, finding a soulmate is a rare, wonderful thing that can only occur once in a lifetime. It’s a sign from fate, and if you ignore that sign, if you don’t accept who your soulmate is and be with someone else, something bad will happen, either to yourself or to your relationship.”

“Something bad like what?”

“I don’t know, it just usually doesn’t work out.” She frowned a little bit, noticing how he seemed unusually invested with the topic. “It’s just a rumor, though, darling. So just take any of this with a grain of salt. No one can prove whether it’s true or false.”

“Of course, yeah.” He shook his head, taking control of himself. “Well, thanks anyway. I gotta go.”

“Take care, Hyuckie. And let me know when you start dreaming about your soulmate! I want to know who the lucky girl is!”

He waved a hand, replying to her with a smile but not promising anything.

***

It was already nightfall when he came to his senses, and he hadn’t found her no matter how many steps had he taken in the search of her presence. He had visited the park she often went to in her spare time, the garden near their houses, even the cafe where she once grew fond of. And yet, she was nowhere to be found.

He had tried to call her several times but they were always directed to her voicemails, and he grew even more anxious with more time passing by, worried sick of her well-being.

So when she finally walked past his house, carrying her sketchbook in her arms and a dazed smile on her face, Donghyuck nearly screamed.

“Where the hell have you been?!” He shouted, jumping off his porch and ran to her spot. She was startled, her entire body shaking by the sound of his voice. Her sketchbook slipped from her hands, meeting the cold hard ground that was slightly damp from the drizzle.

“You scared me,” she said, her hand going to her chest. “I was just from the park—“

“I was from the park and you weren’t there!” His eyes were scanning her profile, making sure she was fine. “Where have you been? Do you know how late it is?”

She frowned. “Why do you sound like my mother?”

“I’m not—” Donghyuck exhaled loudly through his nose, trying to collect himself. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Well, I’m fine, so you can stop acting so weird.” She bent down to pick up her sketchbook, but he was faster. “Thanks.” She awkwardly smiled when he handed it to her, noticing how his fingertips brushed hers ever so slightly. “Have you been looking for me all this time? I thought you were avoiding me.”

“I thought you were avoiding me.”

There were a good few seconds of silence where they just gazed deep into each other’s eyes before they began to quietly laugh, exchanging sheepish smiles with knowing eyes. “I guess we avoided each other for nothing then,” she said, holding out her hand. “Are we okay? With everything?”

Donghyuck’s eyes were soft and longing as they peered into hers. He took her hand and pulled her forward until she landed on his chest, embracing her tightly with both arms. “We’re okay.”

“Good,” she lightly murmured, placing her chin on his shoulder as she tiptoed to match his height. “Because I’ve missed you, Haechannie. You and your whole stupid antics.”

It still felt awkward for him, and maybe for her too, to suddenly ignore their heated debate about the kiss they shared and the feelings they had for each other. And maybe they would fight about it again in the future, probably with him starting the fire the second he lost control of his emotions again. But he wanted to forget all of that for now, just for tonight, so he could focus on how perfect she felt in his arms, how both overwhelmingly intoxicating and comforting her scent was, and how nice it was to hear his name falling down her lips.

“I’ve missed you too, Noona,” he whispered. “You could’ve at least texted me where you were. I was worried sick about you.”

“Okay, that was what I was going to tell you.” She pulled away slightly so she could look at him with a pair of animated eyes. “I just went on a date.”

“A… date?” He shivered. “With who?”

“With Mark Lee.” Her cheeks turned rosy with her smile nearly splitting her face in half. “My soulmate.”

Donghyuck gaped, a spark of electricity running through his veins. “H-how?” He swallowed hard.

“A funny story, actually.” She shyly rubbed her nose. “I was trying to draw that pine tree near the pond—the one where we used to carve our names on—and I saw him passing by with his guitar case strapped to his back and a camera in his hand—just like the first time I saw him in my dream. And he saw me through his camera lens and then we were just staring at each other with our mouth wide-open, like can you believe it? It just happened out of nowhere. He noticed me at the same time I noticed him so he must have been seeing me in his dreams too.”

With more words falling from her lips, Donghyuck’s heart raced even faster. It was the first time in his life he ever felt terrified down to his soul. He felt weak, powerless and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find a way to win against fate. He didn’t know how to defy his destiny.

Though she was an arm’s reach away, it felt like they existed in different universes.

***

It’s hard to pretend to be fine when deep down inside, you feel like drowning and Donghyuck knew how that felt first hand. She regularly came by to his room to say hello but she never laid herself down on his bed. She never touched his arms when she laughed. She no longer pressed her cheek against his shoulder when she felt sleepy. He could tell that she was trying to respect his feelings, not wanting to lead him further ever since that accidental kiss happened. She was trying to be cautious, to draw lines between them, so he’d know his boundaries and stay still on his place, and continue to regard her as nothing but a friend.

It was torture.

They no longer spent their nights together, with her making excuses about studying for her final tests and her college entrance exams. And Donghyuck didn’t mind, though his heart craved desperately for her attention because he couldn’t properly breathe whenever she was around. He felt like he was transforming into someone else, almost like a robot, that only smiled when she smiled and responded with words as little as necessary.

He continued seeing her in his dreams every night, and only then could he truly feel joy. Only then he could have the time to look at her face as long as he wanted. Only then he could hear her calling his name without inflicting some kind of pain in his chest. But even then, he still couldn’t touch her. Even then, she was still out of reach.

She was moving out of town before long, preparing herself to settle at her dorm before she started her first year in college.

“Hey,” Donghyuck softly called, as he leaned against her doorframe, watching her finish packing what was left in her room. It was unfamiliar, he thought, the sight of her room now that her novels were packed in boxes, her clothes were no longer hanging inside her closet, the posters of her favorite idols folded and unseen. It was only her scent that somehow still linger faintly in the air that seemed recognizable to him.

“Hi.” She smiled back, her shoulders going down in relief at the sight of him smiling sheepishly with his eyes peeking from under his bangs. “I was beginning to think that you wouldn’t come to say goodbye.”

“Of course, I would. I’m your best friend, aren’t I?”

“Well, I haven’t seen you in a while.” The way she said it, almost heartbrokenly, made his smile falter from his face.

“Yeah, sorry, I was…” He scratched his cheek. “Busy.”

She took a good look at him, not saying anything and it made him feel queasy. “I saw you on stage during your graduation,” he said, changing the topic. “You looked beautiful.”

“Why didn’t you come to say hi? I was looking for you.”

You did? “You seem occupied with your friends and family. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Haechannie,” she sighed and he wondered what kind of mistake did he make with his words. “You’ll never bother me. I mean, yes, you bother me a lot as in you annoy the hell out of me but you never bother me with your presence. I missed you on that day. I’ve been missing you for the whole week. And I still kinda miss you now.”

He grew weak. “I miss you too.”

“Why do we keep saying these things when we literally live next to each other?” She chuckled but it sounded dry before she gave in to the silence again. “Are things… okay between us?”

He tried not to flinch. “Were things not okay between us before?”

“I don’t know, you were acting a bit weird after…” She knew the words, she just wasn’t sure whether it was wise for her to say them. “Well, after everything that happened. I just wasn’t sure how to approach you.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I guess there were just a lot of things running through my mind at the same time.” He brought his head down, looking at his feet. “I’m okay now, though. And I hope we can go back to how we were.”

“Of course, Haechannie.” She stood up, opening her arms to him and he answered immediately, half-running to her spot before he circled his arms around her waist, pulling her close. She sighed the second their skins make contact with each other, exhaling in relief. “Please don’t ever give me the cold shoulder again. I can’t stand it.”

“Okay, okay.” He almost let his lips graze her temple as he spoke. Almost. “Do you want to go somewhere, just the two of us? You’re not leaving until tomorrow, right?”

“I won’t be leaving until next year if that’s what you want me to do.” She grinned childishly. “So take me away, Haechannie. I’m all yours.”

And although he mirrored her grin, his heart was shattering one piece at a time because he knew she only meant her last line as a fleeting joke, and yet he wanted it to become a promise made solely for him.

They tried to catch up as much as they could during dinner in the cafe that she loved so much. He hated the taste of their food—everything somehow felt either too sweet or too sour on his tongue—but he never mentioned it to her, not wanting to erase her happy grin whenever she took a spoonful of gelato into her mouth. Their conversations didn’t go as awkward as he had imagined, but it ended up with her asking more questions and with him only nodding or shaking his head in response. He tried to cover it up with smiles or waves of laughter, and noticing how she hadn’t complained about it so far, maybe he did a pretty good job of masking his feelings.

“It feels so good to have you back,” she said, hands buried deep in the pocket of her coat as she blew hot air into the cold weather, watching puffs of air forming in front of her lips.

They were walking back to their houses, matching their steps with one another with their voices being the only ones that could be heard within the neighborhood. It was late, and she knew she really should have gone to catch some sleep to wake up early on the next day but Donghyuck’s voice in her ears was soothing, making her long to hear more of it, especially when she knew, she wouldn’t be able to hear it again in a while.

Donghyuck sank half of his face behind his scarf. “I never left you, though.”

“Liar. You totally avoided me this whole time.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do? You kissed me and pretended it didn’t mean shit.”

“I kissed you?!” She gasped, blushing as she stopped in her tracks. “It was an accident!”

Donghyuck turned around, facing her. “It was still a kiss, nonetheless.”

They were walking on a thin rope. He knew it was a sensitive topic, and she also knew that it was best for them to avoid it but she was leaving on the next day and she couldn’t help but feel that he was still holding secrets from her. It was time for her to face this once and for all, so they could go back to the way they were before it was too late.

“What exactly do you want me to do about it?” She nervously asked, but tried to keep her voice steady. “I can’t exactly turn back time.”

Donghyuck’s eyes glinted mysteriously under the dim lighting of the streetlight. “You really want to have this conversation after what happened to us last time?”

“It’s not like you’re giving me any options. I just want us to be like how we used to, not with you acting all awkward and agreeing to every word I said.”

“So you noticed? I thought I was putting a good act.”

“Haechannie.” It was almost like a plead, the way she said his name. “I’m tired of seeing you like this. Like you’re in pain and I’m the one who caused it. So if you have anything to say, say it right now. What are you so upset about, exactly?”

He took his time contemplating, he really did, but he hadn’t finished thinking everything through before his emotions took control over him again, making him blurt out, “I don’t know, I guess I’m just pissed because you seem fine the next day after that kiss happened and I’m over here losing sleep still trying to sort out my goddamn feelings for you.” There was a pause, as he tried to catch his breath, but before she could form a response, he questioned, “Do you ever feel something for me, Noona?”

She swallowed. “I don’t know, I’m—”

“Be honest.”

Another pause, where silence struck like a hurricane. “Maybe I did have feelings for you in the past,” she finally admitted and his eyes gleamed in both joy and anticipation, “But even then, I wasn’t sure because we grew up together, Haechannie. We slept on the same bed, we even took baths together. I wasn’t sure of how I felt because I never had this kind of relationship with anyone before.” She sighed, rubbing the side of her temple. “And with you constantly making me confused on whether you had feelings for me or not also didn’t make this any easier for me.”

“What about now?” It was the question that mattered the most to him. “How do you feel about me now?”

“Haechannie—”

“No, listen to me.” He stepped forward, wrapping his lean fingers along her wrist. “Remember that time on the beach when you dared me to be romantic and I told you I loved you? I think you know by now that I wasn’t pretending that night—”

She averted her gaze, trying to pull her hand away. “Please stop—”

“Noona.” He cupped her cheeks with both hands, lifted her face so she could only look at him. “I still feel the same way about you. It never changed, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it because I cared about our friendship as much as you do, but—”

“Stop.” Lying a hand on his chest, she tried to push him away. “It isn’t right. You’re not my soulmate, we shouldn’t do this—”

“I don’t care about your fucking soulmate!”

The sudden roar that erupted from his mouth was echoing loud in her ears, making her freeze on her feet, with her hands shivering against his chest. She looked frightened and it tore him to pieces. Cursing under his breath, he stepped away, his skin no longer making contact with hers.

“I just…” He started and failed instantly, wanting to caress her cheek, embrace her to soothe her down but was too scared of startling her again. “What I want to say is that I care about us. I care about you more than I have ever cared about anyone else in my life.”

“I care about you too, Haechannie.” There was a quiver in her voice as if she was on the verge of crying. “I care so much about you.”

“Why does it feel to me like you’re about to contradict your own words?” There was no answer and the tension was so thick, it felt like he was suffocating. “I saw your reaction at that time when we were at the beach. I know how you wished parts of my confession were true and I’m telling you that all of it was—I meant every word I said that night.”

“Stop—”

“I love you, Noona,” he immediately said, before she took his chance in answering. “I really do, now more than ever. So if you still have feelings for me, please—”

“I don’t.”

Donghyuck’s jaw fell slacked on his face. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Haechannie. I’m sorry for leading you on, but I don’t. I don’t feel the same way.” She was looking everywhere but his eyes, her voice was clouded with emotions, becoming unclear as seconds went by. “I care about you and I do love you but only as a brother and a friend. I can’t give you more than that.”

He stood still in silence, clenching his jaws. “Can’t or won’t?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head frantically. “Look, we have soulmates for a reason. Even if we both give in and accept our feelings, what if it doesn’t work out?”

“I don’t care, I’m willing to try.”

“Well, I’m not. I care about our friendship too much. I don’t want anything to ruin what we have now. Especially after I meet my soulmate and you meet yours.”

Donghyuck could feel himself slowly withering away. “So you just want us to go back to how we were? After this?”

“Yes.” He didn’t have to see her to know she was spilling tears from her eyes. It was already spoken clear in her voice. “I-if that’s okay with you.”

And if he was much more mature, maybe he would’ve been able to let everything go. Maybe he would’ve been able to step forward and twist his fingers around the strands of her hair, cradling her gently in his arms and whisper, “Of course. I’ll always be here for you.” But that wouldn’t be him. And he was so tired of being someone else this whole time, trying to hide how he really felt for her.

So, underneath the darkness and the silence of the space that was hanging between them, he told her, “No, I don’t think we can go back to how we were.” And even as he watched her cry, covering the sobs that threatened to fall from her lips with her palm, he said, “I’m sick of pretending, Noona. So if I can’t have you that way, I don’t think I can be your friend and do nothing but sit there, watching you slip away into another man’s arms. I’m not as good of a person as you think I am. And as long as we’re both selfish with what we want—with you wanting to keep our friendship together and with me wanting you that way—this is as close as we can get.”

“What—” Her shoulders were shaking with every breath she took. “Why does it have to come to this—I—”

“Make your decision now.” His voice was loud and clear, making him surprised by how steady he sounded despite all the storms swirling in his chest. “Be with me or push me away. Your choice.”

Tears were spilling down her cheeks as her eyes grew wide, staring at him with parted lips but only whimpers could be heard. He knew how ruthless he was being, and he felt sorry for making her stand in this position.

So, with a heavy heart, he walked away.

***

Days passed by in silence, and they turned to weeks, and months, and when he finally had the bravery to reply to her words with sentences longer than, “I’m doing fine,” and “Sorry for the late response, I had things to do.” It was already several months after his graduation and he was moving out of the place he called home into his dormitory that stood hundreds of kilometers away from her place.

He was nineteen and she was twenty, and he had never loved anyone else while she was tangled deep in her lover’s arms.

And it was maybe his fault because he was the one who pushed her away. She’d asked him to take a day off college so they could fly back to their hometown and celebrate his birthday together but he declined, making random excuses that sounded like a train of lies to her ears but she took notice of his tone and forced out a laugh.

“Then maybe I’ll see you when my birthday comes up?”

“Sure.” But it wasn’t a promise. He thanked her for the present she gave him but ending his call shortly before she even asked about his day.

He sent her a birthday present—a book that she once loved to read as a child, but was thrown away by her mother by accident—and he received five missed calls from her and nine different texts, begging him to answer her calls but Donghyuck was busy burying his fingers deep inside his locks and yanking at the roots with one hand, and rubbing the unspilled tears from his eyes with his other one as he sat on the edge of his bed, swallowed by the darkness of his room.

And he began to fear the night when exhaustion would consume every part of his body and invisible hands began to press his eyelids down until he fell asleep and woke up in her memories. It was painful enough for him to not be able to see himself as often as he used to, and it was torture when Jaemin began to take his place, forcing Donghyuck to stand in the background and watch as he planted his lips on the pair that should’ve belonged to him. He had to hear her gasp Jaemin’s name between kisses, had to see her card her fingers through his sandy blonde hair, had to see her watching him with dazed eyes and swollen lips.

Donghyuck always willed himself to wake up and he found himself breathing hard when he did.

That night, another memory occurred and it was when she shared her first kiss with Mark. They were at her dorm, her roommate was away and she pulled him by the hand to walk deeper into her room. Mark seemed awkward, like how he always did, scanning the room and gulping as he noticed how the entire place smelled pleasantly like her.

“Coffee?” She offered, and he nodded. Taking a seat at the side of her bed, he played with his fingers, trying to hide the quiver that sparked in his fingertips. She joined him soon after with two cups of hot coffee on her hands, which he took with a grateful smile.

“Why do you look so nervous?” She questioned between small, shy giggles that wrenched Donghyuck’s heart from how much he missed hearing them.

“I’m not—it’s just—” Mark gulped, tapping his fingers anxiously against the cup. “It’s my first time being in a girl’s room.”

“Haven’t you dated anyone before?”

“I went on a few dates but nothing serious happened. And when I started seeing you in my dreams, I just stopped dating entirely.”

She was about to take a sip of her coffee but stopped mid-air, eyes unblinking. “You were waiting for me?”

He bashfully smiled. “M-maybe…”

Her eyes drooped down, a faint blush smearing her cheeks. She placed her cup down on her nightstand before she turned toward him again and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“What—” He sputtered, holding the side of his face, his round eyes turning even wider. “What was that for?”

But she didn’t reply. Instead, she leaned in for another kiss, and this time, he answered with his lips instead.

Donghyuck woke up with a pain in his chest, and he felt so sick, so disturbed, that he began to jump down his bed, startling his roommate who was deep in slumber. He snatched his jacket from the floor and closed the door behind him with a small thud. He needed to distract himself so he burst into the night air, not caring if the cold made his teeth chatter behind his lips.

***

His dreams, they became nightmares. And they didn’t stop even when he woke up. He was losing sleep and had the hardest time concentrating on everything. He was putting his best effort to move on, to forget about her existence entirely and he had been successfully avoiding her calls or her pleads to meet up every time a long holiday came up. But how could he forget about her when she kept showing up in his dreams, making him feel jealous, feel pained, with no way of stopping it?

It was a week before his birthday when his mother begged him to come home and celebrate it together with his whole family. Though he was reluctant to go, worrying that he’d probably see her on his way back, he eventually agreed to his mother’s wish. If they ended up meeting each other, maybe it was a sign for him to tell her about these dreams he’d been having of her and see how it would go from there.

It was raining, the third day he spent lounging on the bed in his room. It looked just about the same, but with fewer things and thicker specks of dust. And he kept his curtain closed, not wanting to look at the other side of his window.

A sudden ring of his iPhone sent jolts to his entire body.

It was from an unknown number. He usually wouldn’t respond to it, but there was something in his chest that told him to answer no matter what excuses he came up with.

He slid his thumb along the screen and pressed the phone to his ear, but he did not say a word, waiting for the other person to ignite the conversation.

“Haechannie. It’s me.”

He had a hunch who it was, but hearing the sound of her voice so close to his ear still almost sent him falling to his knees. The words I miss you, I’m sorry I’ve been trying to push you away, but I can’t pretend anymore, I miss you, I miss you so much, I’m going insane threatened to fall from his lips so he kept his mouth shut, not believing in himself just yet.

“I could tell how you wouldn’t pick up if you knew it was me, so I’m using a new number.”

“It’s…” He licked his lips, trying to tame his racing heart. “It’s been a while, Noona.”

“Don’t say that when you’ve been avoiding me for years, Lee Donghyuck. I know you’re home so let me in. It’s pouring outside.”

His grip tightened around his phone. “You’re… here?”

“Yes, idiot. Your mom told me last night that you’re here so I flew back the first thing in the morning to meet you. If you make one more excuse of not wanting to see me, I will literally climb up your wall and kick your window open myself, I swear to God.”

Donghyuck would’ve laughed because it was so her to say things like that whenever she got angry, but he was so overwhelmed with the thoughts of seeing her in person that he tripped over his own feet before he ran down the stairs.

The second he opened the front door and saw her standing on his porch, with her hair a little wet from the rain, all the air nearly left his lungs. She was still wearing her trench coat, a scarf around her neck with her suitcase stood idly next to her. He noticed that she must have returned straight back from the airport, not even spending a second resting in her own house when it was only a few steps away from where she stood.

“Can I come in?” She asked, trembling slightly from the cold. There was a huge urge to embrace her that he almost couldn’t control, to share his warmth and steal all the shivers away from her body. But he swallowed all of his feelings with a hard gulp, and stepped back to let her in with a small nod.

She closed the front door behind her, pressing her spine against it and they both waited in the silence of his house, expecting the other to strike a conversation but neither of them had the bravery to find a word. The ticking sound of the grandmother’s clock in his guest room was loud, matching the thundering sound of his heartbeat.

“Where are your family?” She eventually uttered, peeking at him from behind her bangs.

“Visiting my cousins outside of town.”

“Why didn’t you go with them?”

“Just didn’t feel like going so I told them I was sick.”

“I see…”

And silence struck again. It was so tense, the awkwardness between them and it was beginning to suffocate him. “Noona, I think—”

“Can I hug you?” She spoke in such a quiet voice, but it sent powerful vibrations down his spine. He was busy gawking at her, not sure how to respond and it didn’t matter, because she already took a few steps toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sinking her face deep into the crook of his neck.

Donghyuck let out a shaky breath, his arms still dangling weakly on his sides.

“Seems like you’ve lost some weight,” she spoke in whispers, her breath felt like fire on his skin. “Have you been eating well?”

It was hard trying to focus on her voice when the sound of his heart clamoring inside his ribcages was deafening in his ears. He only hummed in response, moving his hands slightly until they rested on the sides of her waist, tense and awkward.

“I really,” she breathed, her voice quivering. “Really miss you, Haechannie.”

It was all too much for him to bear, too many flashbacks, uncontrolled feelings, and hidden emotions washed over him at the same time, making him feel dizzy and emotive. So instead, he focused on what mattered the most. “You’re shivering. We should get you changed.” And he pulled away before she could reply. Noticing how the loss of their warmth on each other’s skin was as painful for her as it was to him, he offered his hand with a timid smile, which she immediately laced together with hers.

He guided her to his room and released her hand to rummage the inside of his closet, trying to find that particular sweater of his that she grew to be fond of. She slid open his curtain to brighten the room though it didn’t do much because the clouds were dark and thick, pouring heavy rain to the earth.

“Here,” he said, handing her his navy blue knitted sweater. “I’ll go outside so you can change.”

She grabbed him by his wrist before he stepped aside. “No, it’s fine, just—” She cleared her throat, didn’t dare to look him in the eyes. “Just turn around for a little bit.”

The old Donghyuck would’ve had a blast teasing her about this, so when he simply turned around, bringing his head down to stare at his feet while scratching his nape from being both shy and awkward, the feeling of loneliness began to consume her heart.

She was losing him. He wasn’t the person she remembered him to be.

“I’m done,” she called when she had finished changing her damp blouse into his sweater. The fabric fell loose around her body, its hem reaching to the middle part of her jean-clad thighs. “You can turn around now.”

Donghyuck slowly turned on his heels, but his eyes were looking everywhere but hers because he knew, once he saw her again wearing his clothing around her body like a lover would, he would lose his common sense.

“It feels familiar, doesn’t it?” She lightly laughed, trying to keep it casual but it felt strained. “I mean, us spending time in your room with me wearing your clothes.”

He tiredly smiled, leaning against the wall. “Yeah.”

“How was your birthday yesterday? I’m sorry for not sending you any present, I wasn’t sure you wanted to receive one from me... Did auntie make you a cake?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t good.”

She tucked a loose strand of her hair, wetting her lips. “You always said that, but you ate all of it.”

He wanted to sneak a glance at her, wanted to be captivated by her beauty just for a split second, but noticing it was best for him to stop. Otherwise, she’d entrap him again. “Yeah… I did.”

“Haechannie.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you look at me, please?”

He tightened his jaw, taking a few seconds in silence to prepare himself before he slowly looked up, peering at her features from behind his bangs.

He had seen her sad before—multiple times, in fact—but it was never like this. She never looked this heartbroken before, and he loathed the fact that, unlike any other times where she cried over anyone else, he was now the reason for such emotion to arise.

And maybe he looked the same to her, as she instantly grew speechless, her fingers tightening around the hem of her sweater. “How… are you?” She asked, and he knew that wasn’t the question she intended to say but maybe she was afraid and uncertain whether her words would inflict more sadness to his eyes more than she already did so far.

“I’m doing well.”

“Have you made any friends at your campus?”

“A few.”

“Ah… Great, then.” She was going insane, she could feel it, and when he never tried to spark a conversation like she did, she began to lose her patience. “Why have you been avoiding me?” Her tone somehow a tad colder this time around.

Donghyuck slipped his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You ignored my calls, you rarely replied to my texts—”

“Yeah, well, I was busy—”

“Two years, Haechannie. You had two fucking years to reach out back to me, and you’re simply telling me you were busy?! If you’re going to lie, lie better!”

“Well, you already have your whole life perfect without me anyway.”

Hot tears began to well in her eyes. “Do you not… need me anymore?”

He looked away, his chest suffocating. “You should leave. Get some rest. We’ll talk la—”

“Stop it!” She cried out, forcing him to look at her in the eyes by the desperate tone in her voice. “Stop acting like this! Stop pretending like you’re not hurting when you are just as much as I am!”

His eyes gleamed in the dim lighting of the room. “Why are you even here?”

She narrowed her eyes, trying to ignore the pain that was about to erupt from her chest. “Is it so wrong for me to see you?”

“I thought we’ve both decided that it’s best if we stay away from each other.”

“You decided.” It was both sorrow and anger that painted her voice. “You decided to stay away from me. I never wanted us to be like this. I’ve been trying to reach out to you and you pushed me away every time, so don’t you dare blame this on me.”

“What do you expect me to do?” He vocalized in outrage, his voice reverberating through the air almost as heavy as the storm that poured outside. “I revealed all of my feelings out to you, asked you to make a choice and you just stood there doing fucking nothing! How do you think that made me feel?”

She stepped back, her hand on her chest. “I—” She fumbled with her words. “It was all so sudden, I didn’t know how—”

“So sudden?!” He threw his head back in exasperation. “I have been trying to tell you that for years, Noona!”

“You flirted with me for years, that didn’t count as—”

“Well, I had to pretend everything was a joke because you always looked like you were seconds away from crying, afraid of ruining our friendship and it made me think that maybe you never really liked me that way at all! I don’t even know how you feel about me now because you’re never honest even with yourself.”

“I…” She nibbled on her lower lip, scared and anxious. “I don’t know whether I—”

“Of course, you don’t,” he spat out, scoffing loudly. “You never do. That’s what I fucking hate about you. You’re such a coward. You don’t want to be with me but you keep coming back to me, making me feel things I shouldn’t, making me yearn for you again when I literally spent every second of my life trying to forget you even exist. I had to watch you slip away from my arms twice as if it wasn’t enough for you to hurt me one time—”

“I never meant to hurt you—”

“But that’s all you fucking do!” Donghyuck unintentionally slammed the side of his fist against the wall out of sheer fury, making her take a step backward, terrified. “Do you know how much you’re driving me insane from seeing you here within my grasp but not having the right to touch you in the way I want to? Just how fucking selfish can you be?!”

Tears were forming in her eyes, but he wasn’t sure whether they emerged from sadness or anger. “I’m selfish?! I’m trying to do the right thing! You know how things can go bad if we ignore the signs and deny our soulmate, so even if I agree to be with you, what if things don’t work out and we end up—”

“I’m so fucking tired of soulmates.”

Donghyuck had her body pressed against the wall, his hand on her face and his lips on hers, meeting together in a heated kiss. She closed her eyes in reflex, her fingers clutching tightly to the fabric of his shirt, gasping into his mouth when he pressed harder. Donghyuck felt like a flame, scorching every inch of her skin that was connected to his and she let herself grow weak, succumbing to the fire that was about to devour her whole.

When he let go, the tip of his nose was still grazing against hers, his fingertips holding her by the jaw, while his other hand was secured tightly around her waist.

“I’m giving you another chance to make your decision.” He breathed out, hot breath caressing her skin. “Be with me or push me away. Your choice.”

Her eyes were half-lidded, her breathing ragged and Donghyuck could count her eyelashes if he wanted to. It was torture to keep this little space between them because to him, they were like magnets, both desperately drawn to each other, wanting to consume one another.

Maybe it was like that for her too, because when she took her next breath, she had her fingers around the collar of his shirt, tugging it down so their lips met once again in a searing kiss.

It felt complete—no, it felt more than complete. It made him feel infinite. Every touch, every gasp, every little whimper that came out of her mouth made him feel alive and he wanted more, he wanted everything. He wanted her.

And to her, she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and it didn’t feel like she was doing something sinful, something forbidden. Everything felt right, the way her body fit his perfectly, the way he moved his lips against her, with the touch of their tongues nearly sending her down to her knees.

“Haechannie,” she breathed heavily as he ran his lips down her jaw to her neck, before he moved back up again, melding their lips together because he couldn’t waste any second longer being apart from her.

The desperate call of his name rendered him powerless so he pressed himself against her harder, embracing her better so they could hold on to each other. And by the relieved sigh she made as she circled her arms around his neck, her fingers finding a home in his hair, she must have felt the same.

“I love you,” he murmured against the supple skin of her neck, making a messy ponytail out of her hair to expose more skin. “Fuck, Noona, I’ve never loved anyone else but you.” He lifted her body up the wall, leaving her with no choice but to tangle her legs around his waist for balance, his hands sliding dangerously along her thighs as she connected their mouths again.

Donghyuck’s voice was deep and hoarse, foreign to her ears but she loved it. She loved everything new she found about him, as much as she had loved everything about him in the past. She knew she wasn’t being fair; she knew it wasn’t a good idea to hold him like this, but it felt so terrifyingly good and there was not a part of her mind and body that shouted for her to stop. He was her puppet master, plucking on her strings, and she didn’t mind being tangled under his fingers.

She flinched when she felt him pressing his hips against her, pinning her against the wall and he noticed as she moaned a bit louder against his mouth, pulling a similar groan from the back of his own throat. The sound of her lustful cry made him go absolutely insane and not familiar with his own strength, he carried her to the bed, making her yelp in shock and wrapping her legs and arms around him tighter in the fear of falling.

But the way he laid her down on his bed was surprisingly gentle, sliding down a pillow underneath her head before he dipped his face down, pressing a warm kiss on her temple. The sudden change of pace made her blush, cheeks blooming red as she became conscious of how he gazed at her features—how the previous loneliness in his eyes was replaced with both felicity and uncertainty, asking for her sign to stop or continue with everything.

She swallowed her breath when he stood on his knees, pulling his shirt over his head, his silver necklace glinting faintly under the soft glow of thunder that flashed on the other side of the window. She flinched, not from the fear of lightning, but from the way his vulnerable eyes were filled with need and affection. She had once told him that Jaemin made her feel wanted—made her feel desired—and she thought that was really the case, until she saw the look Donghyuck gave her and suddenly everything that Jaemin did felt pale in comparison.

Donghyuck needed her like a drowning man needed air.

So when he bent down and kissed her again, she felt like he was unraveling her soul, stripping her naked both her body and her mind, and as if she was a blank canvas, he cast iridescence on her skin, drawing lines with his fingertips and painted a spectrum of colors with his lips.

As a man of passion, Donghyuck’s kisses were strangely tender but it elicited as much fire, if not more, as any fervent kisses she had ever shared with the other two men in her life.

“Noona,” he abruptly stopped, eyes unfocused as he broke away, expanding the space between them but only for a few inches. “You’re not regretting any of this, are you?” It was the question he’d been dreading to ask, but he had to before she ended up living with guilt. “I told you to make a choice before but…” He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb against her skin in such a soothing manner that she would’ve probably fallen asleep to it if her heart wasn’t racing like this. “But if you feel like this is not what you want, you can back out anytime. I’m not going to force you, and I’m not going to leave you even if you push me away now. I’ll still be your friend, I promise, so it’s okay.” He smiled but the only thing it conveyed was sadness. “It’s okay if you want to put an end to this. It’s okay if you don’t want to be with me. It’s your choice.”

She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like crying. “Well, I’m not okay with it.” She ran her thumb along his lower lip, in a paper-thin-like touch. “I think you’ve noticed by now that I…” It was too much. It really was too much for her to admit it without being flustered.

“Tell me,” he pleaded, gently taking her wrist when she was about to cover her face with her hands. “Tell me how you feel about me. Please.”

She shook her head, heart thumping loudly. “I can’t—It’s embarrassing. You already know how I feel anyway.”

“But I need to hear you say it.” He kissed her palm, leaning against her touch like how a little kitten would. “Please?”

Her voice was quivering when she spoke. “I love you, Haechannie.”

He’d heard her say those words many times in his life, but only now, they felt different in his ears. And almost like a prisoner being released from his chains, he nearly whimpered in bliss. “Y-you do?”

She shakily nodded her head once. “You were right. I’m a coward. I’m too afraid of losing what we have, not realizing that we can actually become so much more.”

He smiled, small but lovingly. “And it’s fine even if I’m not your soulmate?”

She was entranced with the way he kissed her fingertips one by one. “I don’t care.”

“I love you too, Noona.” His tongue was wet and slick when she felt it against her earlobe, his voice sounding dangerously close and sultry, even when his words were innocent. “You don’t know how glad I am to finally hear you say this. I’ve tried so hard to move on but I couldn’t. It’s just—for me—” his lips hovered above hers again, and she felt his whispers directly on her skin. “There’s no life without you.”

She carded her fingers through his hair, pushing back his bangs until she could gaze directly into his eyes. “There’s no life without you too, Haechannie.”

As they were connected, both their bodies and minds, it felt like nothing mattered anymore. They already had what they needed, already owned what they craved, already found what they were searching for. Donghyuck was sheathed deep inside her, his kisses were wet and languid, passion never dissipating no matter how many times he had tasted her.

It never felt unnatural, never felt awkward, and there were no uncertainties whenever their skin made contact. It was almost as natural as breathing, and though they needed more experience in some parts, they were already content with everything that they shared. Every breath, every gasp, every moan was sending heat to every inch of their bodies, making Donghyuck’s bangs stick with sweat and her cheeks reddening from his feverish touches.

When it finally ended, both still feeling lightheaded from reaching their highs, orgasms hitting hard like waves in a storm, Donghyuck was shaking, murmuring both expletives and praises against the skin that covered her heart, making her shiver.

“What is it?” She questioned tenderly, gentle fingertips caressing his cheekbone. “You’re trembling.”

But he didn’t answer, laying his head down on her chest, her heartbeat vocalizing faintly against his eardrums. He had never felt so happy, so complete, so perfect, and it was all because of her.

“I’m…” he exhaled heavily, lost for words as he sank deeper in his own elation. She curled her fingers around his jaw, lifting his face so they could peer into each other’s eyes.

“Haechannie.”

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s late, but…” She beamed at him. “Happy birthday.”

And he kissed her with so much fervor, his eyebrows adjoined in passion and he whimpered against her mouth, a tear slipping from the corner of his eye and she smiled, hugging him close because finally, after seventeen years had passed, they truly found each other.

He was her life, and she was his, two different souls united into one.

***

Almost an hour passed by with them just enjoying each other’s company as they laid side-by-side on the bed, with Donghyuck idly sucking more bruises to her skin and her panting his name against his pillow. He was trailing his fingertips from her nape down to the dip of her spine as she laid with her stomach pressed against his sheets, slightly quivering from his touch.

Both of them lacked the energy to get dressed or wash their sweat away from before, and instead just dwell further in each other’s warmth, basking in the soft glow of the sunset that had replaced the storm.

“Why did we wait so long to do this?” She asked with her cheek pressed against the pillow, looking at him with drowsy eyes.

He snorted. “Because you were too big of an idiot to notice and too goddamn stubborn to—”

“Forget I asked.”

Donghyuck grinned to himself but she soon felt it on her skin. “I’m still sweaty, Haechannie, get off me.”

“No way, I want to enjoy this,” his nose was skimming against the skin of her back. “It’s not every day I have a naked lady lounging on my bed. In fact, I’ve never had one. Ever.”

“Yeah?” She turned around, covering her bare chest with his quilt as she looked at him. “What about your girlfriends?”

“What girlfriends?”

“You know, the ones you got together with in high school. You told me you had sex with them.”

“Oh.” His playful smile grew sheepish. “I lied about it.”

“What? Why?”

“I was just trying to make you jealous. You were hanging out with Jaemin and I was so pissed!”

“I can’t believe how lame you were.”

“Hey, I was desperate!”

“So…” She slowly said, drawing her name on the square of his chest with her fingertip. “I’m your first?”

“You’ve always been, on everything.”

Her breathing tattered, blood rushing to her face, turning it scarlet. She moved her hand to his neck, playing with the silver necklace and the oval locket with her fingers. “I can’t believe you still wear this.”

“It’s the best present I’ve ever had,” he replied, leaning close until their foreheads meet one another. “From the best girl I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Stop saying things like this, I can’t handle it.” And she hooked her finger around his necklace, dragging him down to close the gap between them.

They both smiled into the kiss but what was once innocent and chaste, became deep and ardent in a matter of seconds. Donghyuck’s fingers were slipping underneath the comforter that she used to cover her body, feverish skin meeting her cold one and he looked at her in concern. “Are you cold?”

“Just a little bit.” She chuckled awkwardly before it was replaced with a gasp when he pulled her up by her waist and positioned her on his lap. He snatched the quilt away from her in one quick motion, leaving her naked and exposed before she toppled down to his chest. His hands found their way back around her waist, drawing her close so every inch of her skin was pressing against his. His warmth began to seep into her, and he draped his blanket around their bodies again.

“Better?” He looked up, his teeth peeking behind his grin that was both teasing and shy at the same time.

She melted into his touch, wanting to taste his lips again. “Better.”

She was distracted with the way he ran his tongue along her lower lip, sneaking in as soon as she granted him entrance to her mouth, but found her focus back when his hands start to roam around her chest. She immediately covered herself with both hands, embarrassed out of her mind.

“Why are you covering yourself?” He asked, chuckling faintly though his cheeks were reddening by the second. “You were fine when we had sex before. Let me see.”

“I just remembered that you once said I have small boobs.”

Donghyuck’s jaw hung loosely on his face. “That—I was just joking! I love your boobs—I love every—” He thought hard for the right word and failing miserably. “—every aspect of them, how soft they are, the little moles you have, and how they jiggle when—Why are you laughing?!”

But she couldn’t stop cackling even when he was pouting about it, complaining that he was being serious. “I’m sorry,” she said, wiping a tear out of her eyes. “It’s just you were so dominatingly sexy before when you slammed me against the wall, and now you’re acting like such a dork, which is also cute but—” and she laughed again, covering her mouth with her fingers which he immediately took and replaced them with his mouth, turning her soft chuckles into pleading moans.

He cupped her breasts with his palms, groaning at the back of his throat from how perfect they felt under his hands, massaging them gently until she had to break away from the kiss, nibbling at her lip to contain her whimpers.

Donghyuck trailed more kisses down from her neck to the valley of her breasts, before he attached his soft, plump lips on her sensitive nub, making her arch her back in response. He peeked at her reaction from under his eyelashes, almost losing his mind from the sight of how alluring and sinful she looked. “Does it feel good?” He knew the answer but he needed her praise. He had waited for all this time to have her crying out his name in pleasure like this, he guessed he’d allow himself to be selfish just for tonight.

She shakily nodded, eyes tightly shut in pleasure but he didn’t stop until he had her whimpering, “Yes, yes,” into his ears.

“So about what you said before,” he continued, nipping at her sensitive skin with so much fervency, enough to leave purple bruises by the morning. “About me being dominatingly sexy. Is that the kind of thing you’re into?”

She shivered, looking like she wanted to escape his touch. “I—I don’t—” she stammered, having the hardest time finding her words especially when he had one of his eyebrows raised tauntingly. “Stop teasing me.”

“Guess being friends for seventeen years doesn’t really mean you know everything.” He chuckled, sliding down his hand between her thighs but stopping before he got too close, asking for permission. “Can I touch you here?”

She bit her lip, nodding slowly.

“Can we… have sex again?”

“Stop asking questions, and just do it.”

Their second time was much slower, more playful with a lot of teasing and exploring and it was the kind of sex that felt more like them, reminding them of how carefree they were back in their childhoods days, or the flirty banter they shared during their small escapes every summer. It took them hours to be satisfied with one another, at least until the next day started, that by the time they were finished, it was already nighttime. But even after they were dressed back in their previous clothes, they still found their way back in each other’s arms.

“I wasn’t sure to ask about this before but,” Donghyuck snuggled closer from behind, his lips almost brushing against her nape when he spoke in both curiosity and uncertainty. “How are things with Mark?”

“It’s so like you to ask about stuff that mattered after you got what you want,” she responded, making him pout and cower behind her. “We’re still going strong, actually. He said he’d ask me to marry him after we both graduated from college.”

He froze, literally stopped breathing. “What?”

“I’m kidding.” She turned around, tapping his cheek. “You’re cute.”

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m sorry.” And when she laughed, he pouted even harder. “Well, truth is, we broke up over a month ago.”

“What—” Shock filling his eyes. He thought he had known everything about her from seeing her memories in his dreams but maybe he hadn’t seen anything yet. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t aware we were on speaking terms what with you avoiding my calls and ignoring my texts.”

“You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?” He sighed, playfully biting her at the part where her neck met her shoulder. “Why did you break up with him anyway? I thought soulmates were meant to be together, not that I’m complaining though.” He couldn’t help but display his cheeky grin. “I’m actually happy—it’s the happiest moment in my life, dare I say.”

She scoffed, shifting on the bed again so she wouldn’t have to face his annoying grin. “It certainly not the happiest moment in my life but as long as you’re happy, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, come here.” Donghyuck sneaked his hands around her body, hauling her toward him until he could press his chest tightly against her back, burying his nose in her hair. “So, what happened?”

“Well…” She huffed, leaning against him. “Mark and I… We’re so similar in a lot of ways and I find myself more compatible with him than anyone, which feels kinda weird, if I’m being honest. Like, we share the same thoughts, we make the same decisions, we listen to the same music, love the same movies and everything. Unlike when I’m with you—” she stopped when she felt his arms tightening around her. “Wait, before you start fuming, listen to me first.” He sighed but nodded his head twice before he landed his face on her hair again. “What I meant was when I’m with you, we argue, we tease each other, we fight over stupid little things so we can look back on it in the future and have a good laugh from realizing how dumb we were being. And that’s what makes it exciting for me. You make me laugh, you make me upset, and when you suddenly disappeared from my life it was like…” she tried, but whether she was too shy or too confused to say the words, Donghyuck wasn’t sure so he helped.

“Like a part of you was missing?” He offered with a smile, nuzzling closer to her.

“Well, I don’t want to sound that cheesy but for the lack of better words, yes,” she admitted. “I just really couldn’t stop thinking about you. I missed you in the way I’ve never missed anyone before, like I kept seeing you anywhere I go. Whenever a Michael Jackson song came up in my playlist, I thought of you. Whenever I saw a movie, I remembered how you would always scrunch your nose in protest when something didn’t make sense. And I felt awful every time because I wasn’t supposed to think about you at all. I was supposed to think about Mark, and how he always tried to make me feel comfortable in his arms, kept asking me whether the room temperature was too cold or too hot, whether I needed another cup of coffee or—”

“He actually sounds pretty nice,” he murmured against her skin. “I’d date him if I were you.”

“Exactly, he’s too perfect.” She turned around, placing both hands on his shoulders. “He’s too perfect, Haechannie. That’s my problem.”

Haechan snorted but he also seemed amused. “This is why boys have problems trying to understand girls.”

“Doesn’t it make sense, though? You have so many flaws—like, so many. You have more flaws in you than your strengths.”

He flatly stared back. “Thanks.”

“But that’s what makes you interesting.” She reached out a hand, playing with the waves of his hair. “That’s what makes you adorable.” When she noticed him turning slightly red on his cheeks, she chuckled awkwardly. “Or maybe I’m just a freak who has a kink for annoying brats, I don’t know.”

Donghyuck smiled softly in return, rubbing his thumb in comforting circles on the skin below her eye. “Well then, I’m glad you have a kink for annoying brats like me.” And when they kissed, he could feel her grinning against his lips so he tore himself away, frowning. “What?”

“I didn’t realize you were this sappy and clingy.” She giggled, pecking his nose. “You really love kissing, don’t you?”

“I love kissing you,” he corrected, slightly wincing at the thought of the previous kisses he’d shared with his former girlfriends. “There’s a difference. And I’m not sappy, I am full with affection.” She teased him with a loud, exaggerated yawn but he ignored her, focusing on the things that hadn’t been spoken. “So, you broke up with him because he was too nice? How did you even tell that to him?”

“No.” Her tone suddenly became heavy. “We broke up because he no longer had faith in me. It was not long after he read my journal.”

“What journal?”

“Okay, now, don’t laugh, but I’ve been keeping a journal lately to help me think and…” He couldn’t see her face, but he could tell she was flushed. “Well, figure things out. So I wrote a lot of things about you, about us, about how I truly felt about you but couldn’t be with you because of the things we’ve been through. And the fact that I’ve been dreaming about you—”

“What?” His breath hitched in his throat. “Like a soulmate dream or just your regular wet dream about me?”

It was vexing the way he sounded so serious when he asked her the most insensitive question at times like this. “It felt similar to how I dreamt about Mark which is weird because how can that be? What does that even mean? I can’t have two soulmates at once, can I?”

Donghyuck contemplated in silence, unsure of his thoughts but eventually made his decision. “Okay,” he shifted his weight, now sitting on the bed, and gesturing for her to meet his eyes. “I have a secret I’ve been wanting to tell you but since we weren’t on speaking terms—”

“Thanks to you—”

“—yeah, thanks to me. I decided to keep it a secret. And I realized that I didn’t want to tell you that because I wanted you to figure out by yourself that you have feelings for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been having dreams about you too.” He unconsciously reached out for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I saw your memories. I knew that they weren’t mine because I’ve dreamt about the time you spent with Jaemin and Mark, but I didn’t say anything because I want you to fall for me for who I am, not because I have connections to your dreams or because it turns out I’m your soulmate.”

She gaped in disbelief. “How long have you been dreaming about me?”

His voice grew quiet. “Since that night when we kissed.”

Her mouth was shaping into a silent ‘o’ but no words came out. She was deep in her thoughts and Donghyuck had to squeeze her hand to bring her out of her reverie. “Noona?”

“So it wasn’t just because of the kiss, was it? That morning when you were acting weird, asking me about my feelings?”

He nodded reluctantly. “I thought you were experiencing the same thing, but then you told me you had another dream about Mark, and not soon after, I saw him with my own eyes.”

Something befell on her face, eyes wide in realization. “So, it was true—what I saw in my dream. You’d met Mark way before I did but you never told me about him—you even told him to stay away—”

“Yes, but—” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I know that was a total dick move, but—”

“You had no right, Hyuck.”

The way she called him by his real name made him freeze for a split second. “You’re… really upset about this, aren’t you?”

She tried not to scowl at him harder than she already did. With a sigh, she massaged her temple. “Well, I guess I should’ve seen that coming. You’ve always been acting like that anyway. You and your possessive, competitive ass.”

“But,” he said, smiling bashfully. “Will you love me and my possessive, competitive ass for the rest of your life?”

“One step at a time, Haechannie.” She pressed her palm against his face, wiping his annoying smirk away. “One step at a time.”

***

Unbeknownst to them, it turned out that being in an intimate relationship didn’t really change the way they behave around each other. They still fought over the little things but always agreed on the things that mattered. They shared loving words as much as they had done numerous times in the past, only this time they shared them between lustful gasps and lascivious groans.

Their long-distance relationship was hard during their years in college as they went to different campuses in different cities, but only because they couldn’t feel each other’s lips and breaths on their skins, so every time a long holiday came up, they would spend it somewhere where they could be alone, tangled in each other’s arms, moaning terms of endearments laced with desperation and urgency against the sheets.

It was funny how they kept having dreams about each other’s memories, even after they admitted their feelings out loud. Every morning whenever they were apart, they would send text messages, describing the memories they saw in their dreams, that it became some kind of a new habit for them. It was harmless most of the time, but Donghyuck became unreasonably jealous more often than not, whenever he saw Jaemin or Mark in her memories. He would spout out hateful words, calling their names with degradation, and she would sigh and wave him off, being the mature one in the relationship.

She had a theory about why he was dreaming about her, and why did her dreams change from Mark’s memories into his. She said it had something to do with their feelings, that if they loved someone so dearly, their dreams began to change from seeing the soulmate they were originally matched with, to the person they truly loved. And if the feelings were mutual, they would begin to dream about each other. Donghyuck didn’t pay too much attention to it, because it didn’t matter to him. Soulmates or not, dreams or no dream, he’d still love her with all his heart.

They kept their relationship a secret because they knew how their parents believed in soulmates and didn’t want to make them worry. But whenever they had sleepovers in his house, leaving their bedroom door open as instructed, keeping secrets became torture because Donghyuck always found a way to pepper playful kisses on her cheek. And playful kisses always turned perilous when they fell on her lips, and once the tip of their tongues met in curiosity, just wanted to get a glimpse of each other’s taste, there would be no turning back.

So they exchanged deep kisses and sinful strokes under the duvet, closing their eyes shut and pretending to sleep whenever rustling sounds or footsteps could be heard from the other side of their slightly ajar door. Donghyuck would whine something about, “Noona, I can’t do this. I can’t come like this,” even though he grew hotter and larger in her hand, and she would raise a teasing eyebrow with a smirk painting her face. She would then sneak under the sheet, crawl down his body, and blow hot breath against his tip, before engulfing him completely. And Donghyuck would bite into his fist, eyebrows furrowing in ecstasy, eyes shut closed as he imagined the way she would hollow her cheeks around him, with her tongue running along his veins and he would come undone in seconds. “Already?” She would ask with a teasing grin, wiping her tainted mouth with the back of her hand. “I must be super good at this.”

Donghyuck would let her win, just for the night. He could always pay her back the next day, he figured, when his parents were still deep in slumber, and the sun was still hiding somewhere out of sight. He knew how much she loved seeing him between her legs, with his eyes half-lidded and his lips sucking bruises on the inner parts of her thighs. And he loved seeing her face contorted in pleasure every time he brought her tongue deep inside her, remembering her taste better than anything he had ever tasted. Whenever her body started to shake, hands tangling desperately against his locks, her legs closing in on him, he would lick everything that seeped out of her, glance up to meet her eyes, and lick his lower lip in satisfaction before he said, “Already? I must be super good at this.”

“You know,” she sighed one day when she curled against his chest in a hotel room that smelled like cinnamon mixed with sandalwood. “I’ll probably end up getting pregnant with Hyuck Jr from how often we have sex.”

“I don’t mind.” He laced their fingers together, tracing his tongue on the side of her neck before he marked her with his teeth. “Hyuck Jr sounds hella cool.”

“Of course, you don’t mind. You say that to get more sex.” She wiggled away, shoving him gently by the jaw. “Stop that, I have work today.” And as much as he wanted to ignore her, painting more of his signature down her body so everyone would know who owned her, he stopped with a pout because she could really be terrifying when she got angry.

“Noona~ Come back to bed,” he whined, as he watched her stepped down the bed, getting dressed. “I need you to love me again. I’m needy.”

“You are gross, and I am late. Where the hell is my bra?”

Donghyuck grinned in amusement, watching her running from one corner to another only in her panties. “Man, have I told you how much I love your boobs?”

“Stop staring and help me find my clothes!”

She soon collected every piece of her clothing back without his help as he just kept lazing around on the bed, giggling every time she tripped over something.

“Noona.”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever thought about being this intimate with me back then?” Donghyuck flipped over to his stomach, crossing his arms idly on top of his pillow before he dipped his chin between them. “Before we got together. Have you ever thought about kissing me?”

Her cheeks were flushed. “W-what kind of question is—”

“I need to know whether you were as crazy as I was about you.” His smile was both teasing and gentle. “Please?”

“Fine.” She eventually succumbed with a sigh. “Remember back then when you said you were going on a date with that girl you’d been seeing for two weeks? Not sure why, but when I thought about you kissing her, I was also thinking about you kissing me.”

“You did?” He gaped, mouth wide open. “Way back then? And you still went out with those douchebags instead of being with me?” He protested, sinking his face in his pillow as he muffled his whine. “Noonaaaa~”

“It was just a fleeting thought! It wasn’t anything that serious.” She put on her stockings, having the hardest time focusing from all the embarrassment she had to endure. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well, now that I know you’ve been thinking about me that way for quite some time, what kind of things did you imagine us doing?” And when he didn’t answer right away, lost for words, she added with a sly smirk. “Don’t tell me you jacked off while thinking about me.”

He was good at controlling his expressions, but his ears betrayed him right away from how red they were turning. “No comment,” he muttered, sinking half of his face into his pillow.

She rolled her eyes, snorting. “Well, that’s fair.”

“What about the future? Have you ever thought about our future together?” The sudden question made her gaze back at him. “What do you see happening to us in ten years?”

She was fiddling with the buttons of her blouse, but her mind drifted somewhere else. She had thought about it. Thought about growing old with him. Thought about them getting married, have a child—or maybe three. Thought about how nervous and panicky he would get when her water broke, and how whiny he would be whenever she asked him to do house chores but ended up doing everything perfectly. She had thought about how cute he’d look as a father, telling a little boy—who looked exactly like him—during his first try at riding a bicycle that it’s okay to cry if it hurts when you fall because daddy is going to hug you and make the pain go away, okay?

She had thought about it, more often than not, but he had just graduated from college and she was in her first year working as an intern in a high-tech company. They still had a lot of things going on in their lives. Maybe he wasn’t ready to settle down yet. Maybe he needed time.

“Babe?” He called. “You’ve been quiet for a while.”

“You want an honest answer?”

“Yes, please.”

“I see you growing bald from all of those hair products you use.”

“Why you little—”

***

“What’s this?” She questioned as he slid a little black box with a red bow wrapped around it—a spitting image of the gift she had presented to him a few years back—into her hand. She remembered the joke he made that night, so she mirrored his action, faking a gasp while squealing, “No way, you’re proposing to me? But honey, I’m already carrying your child!”

He laughed, a bit bashful and awkward, but he understood her joke. “But wait, if you’re seriously carrying my child, I will hate you for the rest of my life for breaking the news like this.”

“I’m not, calm down.” She chuckled, and they walked next to each other again, enjoying how peaceful the Han River was at night, with cherry blossoms petals dancing in the wind.

“Are you cold?” He asked though she was already wearing multi-layered clothes.

“What, are you gonna wrap your coat around me?”

“Nah, just asking. I’m more sensitive to cold than you anyway.”

“Thanks.” She rolled her eyes before she focused back on the tiny present. “What is this for? Our anniversary is still a month away.”

“Just shut up and open it.” He sniffed from the cold, tucking his hands deeper inside his coat. “And hurry up. I’m freezing. I need you to warm me up.”

“I swear to God, can’t you at least be romantic for five minutes?”

“Okay, five minutes. After that, we’ll run back home and have hot, dirty sex.”

She scowled at him which he returned wholeheartedly with a playful kiss on her cheek. She opened the box and smiled when she saw a similar oval locket necklace that matched the one he wore around his neck. “You’re so predictable,” she sneered, taking the necklace in her hand. “But I love it.”

“You haven’t seen what’s inside.” He whispered close in her ear. “I’ll give you a little spoiler. It’s not a picture of us taking a bath together when we were kids but it’s something similar.”

“Ah, I get it. Is it the time when we—” But her sentence ended abruptly in silence at the sight of the words that were engraved on the silver plate.

Will you marry me?

“Haechannie—” And as she turned around to face him, he already had one knee on the ground, taking her hand in his and she could feel shivers running through his fingertips. The soft glow of the streetlight illuminated his face most beautifully, with his bangs fluttering softly under the wind. His chocolate brown eyes were so gentle, so loving, so shy, matching the way his cheeks were reddening with more seconds passing by. When he pronounced her name, it felt like he was casting spells on her, bewitching her with his smile, his voice, his scent, his everything.

“Okay, so I’ve written a whole speech—like, a whole speech,” he repeated, emphasizing with a deeper voice. “And it would probably take me a good half an hour to recite it to you and I don’t think either of us wants to stand here for even a minute longer, so if you can just say yes now, I’ll do the speech later when we’re warm and cozy and naked in our bed.”

She was prepared to cry in joy but she ended up crying from the hilarity of it all. “What the hell was that? Haechannie—”

“I’m serious, Noona, a whole speech!” His teeth were beginning to chatter. “Trust me! Can you just accept my stupid proposal now so we can go home?”

“What is this, a blackmail?”

“Noona~”

She hauled him up to his feet again with both hands. “Well then, let’s go home,” she said, sinking their intertwined hands in her coat’s pocket before she tugged him forward. “If you amaze me with that whole speech of yours, then I’ll say yes.”

Donghyuck grinned. “You got it.”

He kept his promise from the beginning to the end. As they stepped into the little apartment they had been sharing in secret for the last few months, Donghyuck had her pressed against the wall, kicking the front door closed with one foot, before he moved it to slide his knee between her thighs, giving her the friction she needed. Clothes were soon scattered on the floor as they walked and tripped their way to the bedroom, silently shouting gratitudes to the heater that kept the place warm while they were gone.

“So,” she breathed against his mouth, pressing her bare chest to his slightly colder one. “Your speech. Go.”

“In a minute,” he said, smirking as he gestured her to sit on the edge of the bed. When she followed, he kneeled in front of her, spread her legs apart, and licked his lower lip as he stared at her arousal. He pushed his bangs out of his eyes, saying, “I have my priorities and this. comes. first,” and he dipped his head low, hot tongue pressing against her most sensitive part, forcing her to chant his name like a prayer.

But when their feet were tangled around one another on the bed, her hands buried deep in his hair while he raked his fingernails down her spine, Donghyuck murmured the things she didn’t realize she needed to hear. He reminded her of the precious memories they had shared, of the feelings they had even back then when they were too young to understand love, of his promises to make her happy—to make her feel complete and infinite until the end of her days—and of his cute, little fantasies of how the future was going to be for the two of them and their future children.

And as he pounded into her, with hard, deep thrusts, hips moving faster and faster each time she moaned against his ear, driving him to the edge of his sanity, he demanded her to say her answer to his proposal. With pleasure clouding her mind, she could no longer think about any word other than yes.  

***

“It has a private pool and a jacuzzi, you’ll love it, babe, trust me,” Donghyuck said into his phone, grinning to himself every time he heard a giggle coming from the other line. “I know I said no surprises this time, but I made the reservation like a month ago so you can’t really blame me for it.”

He silently thanked the florist who handed him a bouquet of red roses before he exited the store and head back to his car. He placed the flowers on the passenger seat next to him, along with two little custom-made alpaca plushies wearing wedding attires, and a tiny white box with a pair of engagement rings inside.

“Look, we’re celebrating your birthday in that resort whether you like it or not,” he said, looking like he was about to burst into laughter in a matter of seconds from hearing her adorable complaints. “It’s not that expensive, I swear! And even if it is, I’m completely fine with using my three months' worth of salary to please my girlfriend.” There was a loud shouting on the other side of the line, and he chuckled, “I’m kidding, Noona. Look, I’m heading to your workplace. I’ll see you in half an hour, okay?” His gaze softened. “Me too. I love you too. Bye.”

When the line got disconnected, Donghyuck leaned against the back of his seat, huffing to the air, his heart banging loud against his chest. The first proposal was all fun and games, but this time, he was serious about it. He had prepared everything, dressed sharply in a black suit and a white buttoned-up shirt, and memorized his lines by heart from practicing it over a hundred times in front of his bathroom mirror a few hours ago. He had taken a day off to make sure everything went perfectly, but now as he seated behind the wheels, about to see her face and the bright, beautiful smile she always threw at him whenever he graced her with his presence, he became so nervous, so afraid of ruining his plan.

A text message arrived, interrupting his thoughts.

There’s a birthday gift on my desk under your name. My co-workers are getting jealous. Why are you so perfect?

And before he could reply, another one came by.

I love you, Haechannie.

All of his concerns began to dissipate from his chest. It would be okay if he ruined one thing or two while undergoing his plan. She would forgive him with a smile. She always did. She had always accepted him the way he was.

So he texted her back.

There’s no life without you, Noona.

And that was the truth. He had only truly lived because of her.

He placed his phone on the dashboard of his car, wore back his seatbelt, and started the engine. His thoughts were so full of her as much as his heart was, that a smile began to grow permanent on his face. Even as he began to drive, he still had the hardest time focusing on everything else but her.

It was until a truck passed at high speed, smashed his car from the side with a loud, thunderous bang, sending tremors of pain all over his body before his thoughts could process the details.

And suddenly, what was once vibrant with a spectrum of colors, his world turned monochromatic once again.

***

[kat-katsuki]

Sunflower and White Rose | Bakugou Katsuki x Reader Part 4

Fantasy AU

Warning: Swearing (cuz Bakugou)

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

tags: @ waffleareniceandfluffy @ the2ndl @ jazzylove  @ bubblesmalfoy Thank you all for the support!

WC: 2.5k

"Let's go get our fucking blessings."

He picked two white roses from the sea of roses, and handed one to you. "For the future queen."

Time was running out, for the fire dance was about to begin. "But I don't have a fire dress." Your eyes sadden at the white rose in your hand.

Bakugou's eyes widened at you. He knew about your parents, how they got into an accident while hunting, fell out of the sky, and passed away. Traditional fire dresses are always made by the mother for their daughters. The idea was that the mother would pass down her wisdom, luck, and prosperity through the dress as a form of blessing, in hopes that the daughter would be able to find someone who will bond souls with her for eternity. "I have a solution. Come with me. We gotta hurry or we won't make it for the dance."

Oh no. Not again. Earlier you had to run with the best female hunter, but this was the best warrior. No way are you able to keep up.

Bakugou chuckled when he saw the horrified expression on your face. He picked you up in his arms, one hand supporting the center of your back and the other behind your knees. "Hang on to my neck," he whispered. Your face flushed with extreme heat as you shyly placed your arms around his neck as he instructed. Your fingers brushed against the beads of victory. Just what did you do to deserve this man? Perhaps you saved the world in your past life?

The dragon prince sprinted through the sea of roses. White petals flew into the air as he passed by. You carefully protected the two roses he picked, not wanting them to get destroyed by his superhuman speed.

He was faster than Ashido. Much faster, even with you in his arms. A cloud of dust trailed behind him as he dashed through the village, causing all the people he passed by to cough violently. "What was that?" someone asked as the dust cloud dissipated.

Midoriya was standing near the bon fire with Sero, Kaminari, Kirishima, and Ashido, waiting for the fire dance to begin. His friends told him about Bakugou, and their secret plan with you. "I see... That's great! (Y/N)-chan really likes Kacchan! I'm so happy for them!" Midoriya smiled. "I'm really, really glad."

"Are you not mad? Didn't you want her to be your partner?" Kirishima asked.

"Well, it's true that I like her, and that's all the more reason why I want her to be with the one she truly loves!" Midoriya said. "Plus, I'm going to be leaving soon to start my training as a knight. After I'm gone, she won't have any other friends in this village. That's why at the very least, I wanted her to find a partner that would treasure her for who she is. I'm so glad that person is Kacchan! I know he'll be great to her!"

"Izuku...." Ashido muttered, feeling emotional over the things he said. "Are you really leaving?" The green haired boy nodded.

"Dragon riders of the north, Holy Knights of the south. Although I've lived here most of my life, it's always been my dream to become one of the Holy Knights who serve the royal palace of the Musutafu Kingdom of the south."

"Right, Musutafu, that's where you're from, right?" Sero recalled. "Man now I kinda wanna go there just to see what it's like."

"We should totally go! After the festival is over, let's all go to Musutafu on an adventure!" Ashido exclaimed.

Suddenly, the bon fire shot up into the sky, and the sound of drums interrupted the conversation between the new adults. This was signal that the fire dance was about to begin.

"It's starting! Come on guys! Let's go!" Kaminari exclaimed as he started to drag his friends towards the bon fire, where all the young and new adults were gathering for the dance.

"Gosh, where is Katsuki and (Y/N)?! It's almost starting!" Kirishima tapped his feet worriedly.

The drum beats started getting faster. The elders walked over with bowls of face paint in their hands. Kirishima and Ashido stood still as one of the elders came up to them. She dipped her thumb in the white paint and glided her finger across their faces. Face paint is a symbol of adulthood. Before the fire dance, elders will paint the youngsters' faces as a coming of age ceremony. Once the face paint was done, they are officially independent members of society.

"You think they can make it?" Ashido asked Kirishima with her brows furrowed. She interlocked fingers with the red dragon, squeezing her lover's hand as they scanned the area.

"They'll make it." Kirishima squeezed back. It's their perfect prince they were talking about. There should be no reason for him to worry.

As the drums got louder and louder, faster and faster, the young ones all knelt around the bon fire as it rose higher and higher, as if reaching for the heavens. The shaman chanted in their old tongue, praying to the fire god to bless the young warriors of the tribe. Sweat dripped down the foreheads of the young dragons as they basked in the heat of the flames.

Sounds of beads clinking against each other echoed in the opening as the shaman waved his staff in the air.

Kirishima looked up when he heard sudden outbursts of gasps coming from all around them. The loud gasps interrupted the shaman's chants, and everyone lifted their heads to see what was going on.

Ashido's jaws dropped when she saw you. But that's-

"Is that-" Some girls in the tribe pointed at you in disbelief. "Why is she with-"

"Why is that failure walking with Prince Katsuki?!"

"Somebody tell me this isn't true..."

The older women clasped their hands to their mouths in disbelief when they saw the dress you were wearing.

You and Bakugou walked hand in hand, the bells on your golden ankle cuffs jingling every time you took a step. Bakugou couldn't take his eyes off of you as he led you towards the bon fire. A beautiful golden choker wrapped itself perfectly around your neck. The cloth piece on your breasts were in a sunflower pattern, and a thin golden cloth attached below it hugged your torso perfectly, accentuating your curves. The bottom of the golden cloth attached to another piece of the same sunflower patterned belt around your hips. Under the belt were long thin sashes that started out gold but slowly mix into red at the very end. You wore golden cuffs around your wrists, arms, thighs, and ankles, each with beads and bells dangling on them.

That dress...was the queen's gown.

Everyone in the village recognized that dress. It wasn't a traditional fire dress, but the gown passed down for generations, only worn by the queen on her wedding day.

When Bakugou brought you into his parents' yurt, Mitsuki and Masaru were shocked. "Old Hag, the golden gown!" Bakugou ordered.

"But I thought (Y/N)-chan and Izuku were..." Masaru pointed at you confusedly and then darted his finger outside the yurt.

"The gown! Now!" Bakugou shouted.

Mitsuki immediately understood his son's intentions. She grabbed the wooden case lying at the corner of the yurt and quickly opened it, revealing the beautiful treasure of the tribe. Before you could as anyone what was going on, Mitsuki shoved Masaru and Bakugou out of the yurt and stripped you down of your grey dress and helped you put on the golden gown only worn by queens.

"You are beautiful my dear," Mitsuki said to you once you were finished changing.

"Is it really okay for me to wear this?" you asked your queen.

"Katsuki has chosen you, so this dress will be yours eventually anyways. What difference does it make to wear it now?" Mitsuki smiled at you. She called her son and husband back. When Bakugou lifted the front curtain, he froze. Was that (Y/N)?! He didn't think it was possible for you to get any prettier than you already are, but there you were! Standing right before him, in that beautiful golden dress. His face instantly turned fifty shades of red as he tried to find the right words to utter. "Don't just stand there Katsuki. Tell her how stunning she looks!" Mitsuki rolled her eyes at her son.

"Uh- I- You-... Wow...." Bakugou tripped over his words. Seeing him all flustered made your face burn as well. Your ears felt so hot it was as if they were melting.

"Wow indeed. Now let me get the face paint," Mitsuki went outside the yurt. Masaru patted his son on the back, giving him a light push towards you. Bakugou stumbled right in front of you. His eyes traveled up and down your figure, taking in every detail and every curve. God you were sexy.

"C-Can we get married right now?" he asked.

"Eh?!" You exclaimed.

"I got the face paint!" Mitsuki said as she came back to the yurt. "Now kneel down you two." She mixed the paint with a stick as she and Masaru stood in front of you and Bakugou.

You fell to your knees obediently before your king and queen. Bakugou, on the other hand, crossed his arms rebelliously. "I'm not kneeling."

"Kneel the fuck down and receive your blessings!" Mitsuki growled as she kicked him behind the knees, knocking him down. Your eyes widened in shock as your prince fell down next to you.

Masaru and Mitsuki exchanged glances, grins spreading on both their faces as they dipped their thumbs into the paint. Masaru held Bakugou's chin up, and drew the first line down his chin. "The first line represents bravery. May you stand tall and fierce even against the most dangerous beasts," Masaru said.

"The second line represents freedom. May nothing stand in your way, nothing bind you down," Mitsuki said as she drew the second line on your face.

"The third line represents strength. May your powers bring you nothing but victory home, bringing honor to you and your loved ones."

You looked down. The paint felt extremely heavy on your face. You didn't know if you were worthy of such blessings. Noticing the look in your eyes, Bakugou took your hand in his. You glanced at him as he smiled back. His eyes told you to keep listening.

"The fourth line represents kindness. May your heart be pure, and your words be gentle." What? Your eyes widened as you looked up at Mitsuki, who smiled down at you while drawing the line on the right side of your cheek. Was kindness always a virtue of your people?

"The fifth line represents empathy. May you open your eyes to the suffering of others. Rule over them through understanding, not through fear."

These weren't virtues of dragons, but the virtues of kings and queens.

"The sixth line represents mercy. May evil, hate, and vengeance never find its way into your heart."

Your eyes began to water again, and Bakugou's grip on your hand tightened. These weren't just blessings of adulthood...

"The seventh line," Masaru began as he placed his thumb into the paint, then pressed it against the side of Bakugou's face, next to his ear. He then glided the finger across, over his nose bridge, all the way to the other side of his face. "Represents eternity. May your love last for all your lifetimes to come."

These were marriage blessings given only to the kings and queens from the previous kings and queens.

"Now go, the fire dance is about to start."

Here you stood, next to Bakugou, with your face painted. The six vertical lines represent virtues of the rulers. The horizontal line represents love and eternity. The shaman went back to finishing his chant as you and Bakugou knelt down by the fire beside Kirishima and Ashido. Kirishima smiled at Bakugou. You made it! His eyes seem to convey.

Fuck yeah, of course I'd make it, Bakugou smirked at his best friend.

Exclamations of disbelief wouldn't settle down, but that didn't stop the music from playing. All the couples took out the flowers they had exchanged the day before, and tossed them into the fire as offering to Hino and proof of their love. You and Bakugou kissed your roses, and gently tossed them into the fire. At that moment the fire burst into the air, and everyone gasped. Bakugou pulled you back so you wouldn't get scorched by the sudden eruption of flames.

"Everybody calm down! This is a sign that Hino has received your offerings!" The shaman shouted. He then looked towards Bakugou and you. "And he has given his blessings."

You and Bakugou smiled at each other. He pulled you in for a passionate kiss, and the two of you joined in on the fire dance.

Everyone knew the fire dance. It was the most sacred ritual of your culture. You and Bakugou tapped your feet as he held one hand around your waist. The new adults circled around the bon fire, dancing to the beats of the drums, following the rhythm of the music. Bakugou held his right hand up, and you pressed your right palm to his. The two of you circled around with your hands intertwined, then he pulled you back into his arms.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too Katsuki."

The dance ended with all the couples sharing a passionate kiss. Bakugou cupped your cheeks with both hands and pressed his lips against yours. You gently placed your arms around his bare torso, scooting your bodies closer until his stomach pressed yours.

His tongue gentle laced with yours, a fiery and tingly feeling traveling from the tip of your tongue all the way to the tips of your toes.

You could hear the horrified screams echoing throughout the village, but none of that mattered anymore.

As crazy as it is, the dragon prince has chosen the failure.

Legend says that when Hino fell in love with the mortal Nue, he broke the heart of countless beautiful goddesses in heaven. They could not believe Hino would choose a plain mortal like her, who'd eventually grow old and wrinkly, over eternal beauties like them.

It was said that the goddesses got so jealous of Nue that they each placed a curse on her. One goddess cursed Nue to be a coward. One goddess cursed Nue to be weak. One goddess cursed Nue to be forever alone, an outcast that will never fit in. Once the curses were placed, Nue was so sad that she turned very ill. Hino was so angered by the goddesses that he burned down all of their temples. He told Nue not to fear the curse, because he will be with her. No matter when, no matter where, he will find her in every lifetime, and he will love her, protect her, and keep her company so she will never be alone.

Fin~

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Also on AO3! A kudos or reblog would be greatly appreciated!

A/N: The pictures are all not mine! Credits to their original owners. I really liked that design as a tribal gown! I found it on google images! Finally done with this story! Phew! Literally ignored all homework to finish this... Please lemme know if you liked it! Thank you so much to those who replied and asked me to tag! Thank you to those who reblogged! Thank you to those who followed me! Thank you Thank you! I will be making another post here on tumblr only about how I got the inspiration for this story, so lemme know if you wanna be tagged for that post as well!

[btsmosphere]

Crossfire | KTH

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Moodboard Masterlist

~summary: The night your life blew up sent you on a collision course with the campus bad boy, Kim Taehyung. Though you were well aware of his reputation, it was his doorstep you ran to when you were bleeding with nowhere to go.

~word count: 6.4k

~gang!au, mafia!au, college!au, angst, fluff, action, strangers to lovers, friends to lovers

Warnings: swearing, injury, dangerous driving, mention of drugs (warnings apply to each part individually, please read them)

~a/n: I am actually super happy with this chapter, I hope you guys feel the same! Y/N and Tae go on a lil adventure... I also had to make up a name for a cartoon show for this lmao,, and as always, thanks for the love!! 

Something was tugging you from sleep.

Softly, though, so you didn’t notice until it was already too late, and your senses were with you all at once. In one last protest against the waking world, you didn’t open your eyes, stubbornly lying there instead, your back to the side of the bed Taehyung used. Then the same something that had woken you up started again.

He was singing.

That was all it took, and your eyes were open, body stiffening. Taehyung, however, noticed nothing. His song continued, one you had never heard before, and his voice was beautifully soft and smooth, expressive even at such a low volume. Clearly he had been hoping not to wake you up.

Swallowing, you forced your eyes to fall closed again. After the initial shock, you soon found it easy to relax to his calming melody, the duvet and pillow enveloping you in combination with his voice. And despite the warmth in your little bubble under the covers, goosebumps rose along your arms.

You really couldn’t get your head round Taehyung.

Though you had seen him being silly, all that time at college you had spent at a distance from him, he had seemed cold, intimidating. It had been a shock to you when he had been so amicable those months ago, and that soon became the Taehyung you knew, but he was still a mystery… His singing had really thrown you for a loop, another puzzle piece thrown in amongst the jumble you were already trying to make sense of when it came to this boy.

All day, you couldn’t get his song out of your head. Specifically, his voice.

His voice. Singing his song.

Him, him, him.

Last night he had mentioned that the books he had brought you were some of his favourites. Another surprise: who would have known that Kim Taehyung, the king of bad reputation, had a hidden love of fashion, an inner art connoisseur?

Now the books meant something different.

You read them even quicker after that, drinking in every word as if there were a drought.

Perhaps there was.

When you finished the last one in the stack, you were instantly back to the real world within four walls. It was only morning as well, judging by the light. Brilliant. One whole day and nothing to do.

“Y/N!”

Obnoxious footfalls. Taehyung was taking the stairs two at a time.

The bedroom door swung open to a slightly breathless Taehyung, leaning his weight against the door handle he had yet to let go of.

“Sorry it’s so late. You okay?”

You were lying across the bed’s width, head falling over the end nearest him, hair brushing the floor.

“Yep. Do you want me to cook?”

He only frowned down at you for a second longer before continuing as if one member of the conversation wasn’t upside down.

“Ah, no. I didn’t get any food.”

“But we basically ran out yesterday,” you frowned.

“I know,” he said, “but today we are going to the food.”

Now that made you sit up.

“What?”

“Yep,” a proud smile made its way onto his face and he straightened up, “we’re going out.”

When your only response was a wide-eyed stare, he took it as his cue to elaborate.

“I know you’ve been going a little crazy inside, so I thought we could go for an adventure. Hobi’s racing tonight and he says we can join him.”

“Hoseok?” you questioned.

“Yeah. Sound good?”

It did. You knew it shouldn’t. You weren’t naïve – you knew what he meant by racing. Idiots breaking every road law possible for clout, or maybe money. It was precisely what you had always stayed away from.

But it sounded so good.

“Sounds perfect,” you grinned.

First, Taehyung helped you find the pair of his jeans you were most likely to fit into; since you had been at his, you had mainly worn sweats for comfort’s sake, but this occasion called for a change. Wearing a hoodie was non-negotiable though, to hide your face.

After rolling up the hem of his black jeans, you slung on the most nondescript hoodie he had. Shoes, however, were more of an issue, so Taehyung vowed to buy you some once you were out. Also wearing black, Taehyung looked much more stylish than you in cargo pants, a bomber jacket and a bandana.

“Did you take your painkiller?” was the last thing on the list before finally leaving, via the side door.

Night had descended completely by now, putting you more at ease. You walked far away from streetlights when you could, but as you drew closer to the city centre, that was the last thing on your mind.

Being outside was just what you needed. You breathed in the cold air and drizzle on your face, eyes following each car that whirred past and people’s boots splashing in puddles of melted neon. And what made it all the more thrilling was the knowledge that you were taking a risk.

So far, you had been clumsily walking around in Tae’s sliders, until suddenly a man came barging past you on the sidewalk. In your dash to dodge him, you tripped over the too-big shoes, barrelling straight into Taehyung’s stomach where his arms steadied you.

You barely had a chance to straighten before Tae had turned around, bent down and grabbed the backs of your knees, forcing you to fling your arms around his neck, shrieking as he hoisted you onto his back. Grinning while you complained into the back of his neck, he carried on, but soon he was dragging you into a store that was still open – though not for long – and you grabbed the cheapest sneakers going.

With that problem solved, food was the next priority. In the end, you chose a street vendor and headed to your rendezvous with steaming bags in hand.

Not far from the centre, once you wound through the smallest streets enclosed by the tallest buildings, you emerged onto a car park. It wasn’t as secluded as you had expected for underground racing, still lit up in colours by the signs of shops that backed onto it, the entrance opening onto a wide road.

Cars were lined up, one pulling up at the same time as you and Taehyung. None were flashy sports cars: instead the line-up came in various states of repair, altered by their owners with darkened windows, underglow, stickers, spoilers, you name it.

“Hoseok!”

Beside you, Taehyung shouted across the car park, waving an arm above his head. Then his hand wrapped around your wrist and he lead you through the thin crowd over to the older bangtan boy, who pulled his friend in and clapped him on the back.

Hoseok joined the two of you as you sat on the wall to eat, watching as the first few people showed off their wheel spins and donuts, revving engines mixing with whoops and yells from the spectators. Most were dressed in black like you. A handful of people came up to chat with the boys, with ‘haven’t seen you in a while’-s to Taehyung and offers of bets for Hoseok. Keeping your head well down, you just enjoyed your food, silently taking in the new environment.

The night had cleared up, the asphalt still shining from the earlier drizzle, but the puddles now lay still as glass.

Plenty of people had bottles in their hands, sitting around on the perimeter walls. In the opposite corner, those with hidden faces crowded together, almost hiding the exchange in their hands. Others sat on their bonnets, proudly talking to the interested huddle gathered around them.

“Right, I’m gonna get warmed up,” Hoseok dropped down from the wall and departed with one last wave to your well wishes.

As Hoseok pulled his car out of its spot, more followed. Rolling down his window, he rested his arm casually against the side as he guided his car round, revving here and there to elicit hollers from the crowd.

Laughing in the driver’s seat, he hit the gas, putting on a spurt of speed and skidding round in a perfect one-eighty. A cloud was thrown up by his back tyres, glittering as the droplets fell back down.

By now, you had finished eating and were anticipating some action. The buzz among the spectators grew more as each driver messed about in the parking lot, until at last they were filing out, lining the empty road along an imaginary starting line.

“Can we go closer?” you asked Taehyung as people gravitated towards the roadside, disturbing your view.

A smile bloomed on his face and he jumped down, ditching his takeaway.

“Sure.”

Weaving in and out of the rabble to reach the front, you stood on your tiptoes to spot Hoseok’s car in the middle of the line. Taehyung stood just behind you, already speaking to someone. From your left side, a taller girl pushed past you, striding right up to the curb.

In a ripple, the pack quietened. The girl raised her hand – was that a gun? – and a bang sounded, drowned out instantaneously by the squealing of tyres and growling of engines. Within seconds, the cars had sped out of sight.

“How long is the race?” you turned to Taehyung, whose acquaintance had walked away again.

“That depends how fast Hoseok decides to go,” he murmured back, perching on the wall behind him and kicking his legs out, “they’re on one of the city circuits, main roads, so it’s just about acceleration.”

Nodding in what you hoped was a casual manner, you returned your eyes to the deserted road.

“So he’s good then, Hoseok?”

You hopped up onto the wall beside Taehyung, but it wasn’t his voice that replied.

“Oh, he’s the best.”

Your head snapped around, leaving you face to face with Yoongi. Leaning against the end of the wall, smoke swirling up from a glowing cigarette end in his hand, he looked right at home. How long had he been standing there?

“I heard you were here,” he directed a rare smile past you to Taehyung, “everyone’s wondering if you’re gonna go for a spin.”

“It’s been a long time,” Taehyung chuckled.

“Beck’s next up,” he said, as if that was meant to mean something. Based on Taehyung’s reaction, it probably did.

Shaking his head, he laughed, then bit down on his lip, still smiling, and stared into his lap.

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Well you won’t have long,” Yoongi crushed his cigarette against the wall, chucking it carelessly to the ground. Sure enough, the screech of tyres and distant rumble of engines were once again becoming audible.

As Yoongi melted away into the crowd again, the sounds grew and you stood up again, craning your neck to see as far down the road as you could. Only seconds later, a pair of headlights blazed around the corner, drawing a line down your vision as the car flew towards you, followed by a tight group of others.

Stepping back, you watched as the first place car whizzed by, blowing your hair back and off your face, the rest piling across the line in a photo-finish a few seconds later.

While the cars slowed, drifting round to return to the car park and the assembled cheering crowd, an elbow nudged your arm.

“Do you fancy a ride?”

Your eyes slid between Taehyung and the cars re-entering the lot, quickly encircled by people.

What the hell were you thinking? Why were you even considering saying yes? This was crazy-

“Okay!”

Taehyung held you in front of him, shielding you as together you cut a path through the excited mass towards the victor of the last race. Hoseok was grinning from ear to ear, arms in the air, high-fiving people and showing off energetic dance moves in exchange for laughter and pats on the back.

Once again, Taehyung clapped his shoulder, this time leaning in to make his request. Hanging back, you were invisible in the crowd, your face obscured.

“Hey, everyone!” Hoseok shouted, causing a hush, “Taehyungie’s gonna do the next one!”

Cheers and excited applause erupted as Hoseok lifted Tae’s hand in the air. The older boy jumped around while Taehyung laughed, and before long the other drivers were back in their cars. Returning to the roadside, the crowd left you behind.

“Hop in,” Taehyung told you, making his way to the driver’s side.

Though not top-end, Hoseok’s car was not inexpensive. You slid into the leather seat and buckled up, Tae doing the same before gripping the wheel and getting it moving, out and onto the road.

“So where are we going?” you eyed the rabble from your window as you passed them, low rumble of the engine almost teasing given what was to come.

“Beck,” Taehyung replied, pulling into position, one hand staying loosely on the wheel, “it’s what we call one of the courses round the back alleys down by Beck square, and it’s sort of my speciality.”

You nodded, eyes falling back onto the wide open road in front of you. A few cars over, you saw the girl from before standing on the curb.

“You ready?”

A deep breath in.

“Yeah,” you smiled.

Bang.

Outside, the crowd blurred and disappeared, lights whipping past your window as you were forced back in your seat with the sudden speed.

Other cars encroached either side, penning you in but Taehyung kept his eyes ahead, locking the wheel all the way right to take you barrelling into a smaller road, with only one car ahead of you. At the back windscreen, purple headlights were bearing down on you, so close it was like a demon staring into the car.

Weaving, left, right, your car thundered after the red one ahead of you, but the gap only increased.

Snarling behind you, engine nearly as loud as your own, your main pursuer was on top of you. As you spilled out onto a wider road, it was gaining, crawling up your side.

With a glint in his eye, Taehyung took one look at the competitor, one glance to where the red car was turning the next corner some way ahead, and pulled the wheel.

Staring straight ahead, wheel at arm’s length, Taehyung pushed the car, the roaring engine riding a deafening crescendo as you powered ahead through the deserted alley he had taken you down. You winced as he rapidly squeezed past some industrial bins lining the wall, only grazing one with slight jolt – then it was a clear road to the growing exit.

Your car fired from the shortcut like a cannonball, Taehyung wrestling the wheel to bring the back tyres under control as you turned right, finding yourselves neck-and-neck with the red car from earlier.

Next, a drawn-out corner, and that was all Taehyung needed to pull away, expertly drifting around before flattening his foot to the ground, plunging into the darkest alley yet, lit only by your headlamps. But once you emerged, the wider road was back, shop signs and streetlights blurring outside.

Taking a glance behind, the red car was nowhere to be seen.

A laugh bubbled up from your throat as you fell back in your seat, exhilarated. And then there was the crowd, watching and waiting by the parking lot – you had won!

“Fuck me,” you breathed as Taehyung relaxed beside you, casually braking into a drift to turn around.

A hearty laugh returned from him as he pulled into the car park, soon getting swarmed. Exiting the car, you were both engulfed in the clamouring mass, though you managed to slip away to the midst of it. Everyone was the most interested in Taehyung.

At last, most had dispersed and only Hoseok and Yoongi were left congratulating Taehyung with hugs.

“Fun, right?” Hoseok smiled at you, inviting you into their conversation.

“Yeah.” Breathless as if you had just run the course, you laughed with them.

“Good job, you haven’t lost your touch,” Yoongi affirmed again as Hoseok left you to drive again.

By the sounds of it, the next race was a longer one. Bets had been made and you all held your breath as the cars lined up again. The starting gun did nothing to help your heart calm down after the adrenaline rush of Taehyung’s race, but you weren’t complaining. His face wore a similar joy to yours, the two of you happily sitting back after Yoongi left and laughing about the thrill of his driving.

“I dunno if I would have got away so well on the corner if Hoseok’s car wasn’t so good though-“

“Hey! Don’t downplay it, your driving was insane!”

“Maybe it was insane,” he looked down, bashful, but soon smiled back and shook his finger at you, “so don’t try this at home!”

But your laughter at his joke was interrupted.

Sailing over the buildings came the high-pitched wail of a siren. The group quietened. Listening. Perhaps it was unrelated?

A couple of people walked into the road, looking around to see if the vehicle was coming your way. It was definitely getting too close for comfort.

Taehyung stood, hand wrapping round your upper arm and lightly pulling you away from the front of the crowd, though both of you still stared at the road, hoping the sound would shrink again, pass you by.

Blue flashed against the rain-slick road, illuminating dark windows at the end of the street.

Bad luck.

“Run!”

Those who were standing in the road took off across it, away from the car park, while some scattered back to where they came from. The few cars left standing in the parking lot were starting up, leaving by the alleys. And in the middle of the crowd, you and Taehyung started running.

In seconds the parking lot had emptied, and now you were alone with Taehyung as other members of the party vaulted walls away from the sirens and shouting police officers, the slamming of car doors as they gave chase.

Air rushed in and out of your lungs as your feet pounded after Taehyung, going as fast as you could but still falling behind. Dark buildings either side of you were painted in blue as light fell down the alleyway from the cars that had scattered you. Up ahead, Taehyung rounded a corner, but it was lost in darkness and you weren’t sure which one he had gone down.

You didn’t stop running.

“Stop there! Police!”

A woman yelled from the other end of the street, making you push yourself harder.

Just then, Taehyung skidded back around the corner you had just reached and grabbed your hand before you could think, and now he was pulling you away, taking turn after turn through dark streets you had never seen before. Stumbling after him, you clutched his hand, your lifeline.

You must have lost them by now. No blue lights could be seen, no sirens or shouts heard, no other footsteps but your own.

You hoped you had lost them by now. Your heart was beating out of your chest and your head spun, lungs failing to cooperate, evicting air in heavy bursts, taking it in too slow. In your side, the pain couldn’t be masked by the painkiller anymore, pinching mercilessly with every step.

You had to slow down.

Legs failing you, you finally gave in to stopping.

The sudden tug and then loss of your hand in his made Taehyung turn around, finding you doubled over, panting and pale in the face. Eyes scanning the street beyond you for danger, he moved forwards, hands gripping your arms.

“Hey, Y/N, can you keep going?”

Only your hyperventilating answered him.

“Y/N? Can you hear me?”

Trying to pull you up to look at him, he was only met with your body going heavier in his arms, forcing him to scramble to wrap his arms around your back as you went limp.

Cursing, he lowered you to the ground but didn’t let go. Not taking his eyes off your face, he caught the moment your eyes opened again once you were leant against the wall.

A short breath escaped him, tongue darting out to wet his lips.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you managed, breathing more even now, “my side…”

“It’s alright, you can rest for a bit,” he assured you, finally releasing you and sitting back on his heels.

One more check up and down the alley.

“Were we seriously just running from police?” you laughed slightly, bringing his attention back to you.

“First time for everything,” he mused, sitting down beside you.

“I guess,” you chuckled, still a little breathless, “so is the racing over?”

“For tonight. It gets busted occasionally, so when the others get back and see everyone’s gone they’ll know what happened.”

“Is Hoseok going to get arrested?”

“Shouldn’t do. He’s had plenty of practice evading cops.”

Nodding, your eyes returned to the ground. It was easy to forget how much experience Taehyung and the other bangtan boys had in all this; you were just here for the ride.

“You had your painkiller, right?” Taehyung broke the brief silence.

“Yeah, I did,” you quickly confirmed, “and I feel better now, I just, I dunno what happened…”

“And your iron pill?”

“Hmm? Oh, the red ones… no, I-I don’t think so.”

He clicked his tongue.

“That’ll be it then. You’re taking one as soon as we get home.”

Despite feeling a little like you were being scolded, you smiled, about to respond when a scuffle from the end of the street made you both turn your heads.

As you watched the dimly lit space, a silhouette ran past in a blur, followed by a slower figure, wearing an unmistakeable bulky police vest. They jogged past the opening to your street, but soon their outline reappeared, empty handed.

Breath catching in your throat, you went obligingly with Taehyung as he stood silently, his arm guiding you behind him without taking his eyes off the cop. As quickly as you dared, you both retreated, wincing at each slight crunch beneath your feet. In the silence, the crackling of a police radio, though incomprehensible, was clearly heard, and the officer mumbled back into it.

Spying an opening to hide you from view, you gathered this was your target. Holding your breath, you approached it, swinging around the corner at the first opportunity with only one glance back.

One glance that showed the cop’s head turning towards you.

This alley was much smaller than the other, and you found yourself facing Taehyung in much the same way you had in his hallway when you first came barging into his life. Searching his face, you wondered if he had seen what you did just now.

“Tae-“

His lips formed around a shushing sound that barely left his mouth, and in one small step, he was up against you, a finger steady on your lips to silence you. All you could do was hold your tongue and stare as he looked past you, tentatively dipping his head out of your hiding spot, never lowering his finger.

“They’re gone,” he spoke, voice still impossibly low.

Swallowing, you removed your eyes from his face, glancing up the alley you were now on. It was a dead end, home only to a large dumpster surrounded by smashed glass and needles. You couldn’t leave this way, which would explain why you needed to wait here, in case the cop was still close by.

What it didn’t explain was why Taehyung was still so close to you.

Although his hand had now lowered, you could feel his body heat from this proximity. The zip of his undone jacket brushed against the front of your hoodie.

Your tongue ran across your lips. Eyes finally diverted from the potential dangers outside, Taehyung was now looking at you.

“Uh…” you cleared your throat, regretting opening your mouth. You had no idea what you had planned to say.

Luckily, you were startled from the situation as a chiming ringtone broke through the moment.

Scrambling to scoop his phone from his pocket and answer it, Taehyung stumbled back, eyeing the alleyway outside in a panic. Thankfully, no one had heard. Better get moving.

“Hello?”

Not even getting a look at the caller in his rush to pick it up, Jungkook’s voice answering him was a relief.

Mindlessly grabbing your hand in his, Taehyung started walking with you beside him as he listened to the younger member. As you passed through the end of the street, he took a look both ways before leading you the opposite way to that the police officer had taken.

Holding Kim Taehyung’s hand was something you had never seen coming. But here you were.

You didn’t complain though. His grip was firm, comfortable, and walking with him this way felt… normal. How that was even possible, you didn’t know, and you blamed it on your lingering light-headedness – of course you would want to feel grounded.

But somehow, far away from all you knew in backstreets you had never seen before, after a very illegal night, with a gang member talking in serious tones over the phone next to you, you felt perfectly at home.

“Cheers, Kook. Night.”

Taehyung shut off the call, tucking his phone back into his pocket. By now you had reached more well-lit roads that you imagined would be busy by day. Now, of course, you were the only ones here. God knew what time it was.

The only light brighter than the streetlamps was the interior of a 24-hour convenience store, a good indication that it was by no means a civilised hour. Still without letting your hand go, Taehyung led you inside.

Standing in front of the wall of fizzy drinks, he ordered you to pick one before swiping a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar. The teenage cashier didn’t look you in the eye once as he rung you up, and then you were on your way. Only now did Taehyung drop your hand, passing you the chocolate with a command to get your sugar up and himself tearing into the crisps.

When you had worked through the first row, he spoke up.

“Jungkook was on the phone about your dad.”

“O-oh,” you stuttered, having just put another square in your mouth.

“Well he’s okay. He hasn’t been hurt, but as you know, Shinhyuk’s forced him to hand over your apartment for the gang to use. He’s forcing him to work for him, full-time, with the threat of harm to you if he doesn’t… Apparently he was accused of stealing drugs from a deal and that warrants all this – though it’s probably baseless. Shinhyuk had his eyes on your place already.”

You watched your feet as you listened. It had been easy to put your dad out of your mind for the sake of your sanity, the not knowing taking you round in circles, but hearing that he was still alive took a weight from you.

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung said, greeted with your silence, “we’re fighting against Shinhyuk, and we’ll try to help him. Try not to worry about him losing his job, I mean-“

“Worry?” you looked up at him, “He’s alive! There’s nothing to be sorry for! Can you thank Jungkook for finding this out?”

A small, relieved smile crossed Taehyung’s face.

“Course I can,” he grinned, then held out your Fanta, “now don’t forget about your sugar.”

After this, the walk home was surprisingly short. Given how lost you were, you had thought you were half the city away, but in next to no time you turned onto recognisable streets. Strolling through the dark eating sugary snacks, it felt as if you were coming home from the movies, or any venture more innocent than your night of racing.

As the pair of you were climbing Tae’s front steps, he offered to make tea to warm up. Needless to say, you were fully on board with the idea.

He set to work, the kitchen lit dimly by lights tucked underneath the cupboards.

However, leaning against the wall waiting for the water to boil, you began to feel just how tired you were, both physically and mentally. But you could sleep later: you didn’t want the night to end yet. Deciding on a middle ground, you gave in to sliding down the wall, seating yourself on the floor. Not a move you would have chosen at your most alert moments, but it couldn’t be helped.

At your downwards movement, Taehyung spun around, dropping the teaspoon with a clatter.

But then he saw you staring back at him in bewilderment, and his eyes closed as he huffed in equal parts relief and frustration.

“God, I thought you were passing out again,” he grumbled.

Soon the bag of red pills landed in front of you on the tile. Sheepishly smiling, you gulped one down, and then a mug of tea filled its space.

“Oh, we don’t have to stay here,” you frowned at Tae as he sat down opposite you on the kitchen floor, leaning his back against the cupboards as he cradled his tea.

“Nah, it’s a unique perspective,” he said, “I’ve never sat here before and it’s my house.”

“Yeah, I’m sure your kitchen looks super different from down here,” a smile threatened to break your baffled frown, though you did pick up your mug, breathing in the inviting steam rising from it.

“So was tonight okay?” Taehyung smiled over his mug, eyes creasing a little as they watched for your answer.

“Mmm, yeah,” you swallowed your first sip of tea, “I’ve never… done anything like that before. But I thought it was really exciting! Hoseok is so nice too, letting you drive his car.”

Tae let out a short laugh, eyes disappearing for a moment.

“I practically learnt to drive in Hobi’s cars.”

“Wait, cars? As in, cars, plural?”

“Yeah,” his wide grin stayed on his face, both rows of his teeth visible in the low light, “tonight was just small races, he didn’t get out the big guns. You should see his Bugatti.”

Your eyes bulged from your head.

“I’m not even going to ask where he got the money for that,” you mumbled, still in awe.

“He didn’t,” Taehyung smirked. Rolling your eyes, you breathed a laugh, soon diving back into your tea.

“Was it alright with Yoongi there?” he asked next. His eyes were wider now, curious, smile dimming, “I know he hasn’t exactly been…”

“No, it was fine,” you assured, “I get that he doesn’t like me, but he seems to tolerate me now, so I won’t push him.”

“He did sort of beat you up before, though,” Tae pointed out.

“I nearly beat him up back!” you joked, admittedly motivated by genuine defensiveness, “I could have handed his ass to him any time I pleased, but I chose to give you the satisfaction of saving me instead.”

Taehyung responded by snorting into his tea.

“You are so rude,” you tipped your foot over to playfully kick his thigh as you both laughed.

“Honestly, I’m glad you’re not too bothered by Yoongi,” Taehyung said once the laughter had passed, though his smile still lingered, “he looks so tough, but he’s a massive softie really.”

You simply raised your eyebrows.

“You’ll see,” he smirked.

“I’ll wait,” you scoffed, “although I don’t find him scary exactly… he sort of reminds me of that evil magician from Archie-wizz- did you watch that?”

“Yes! I used to watch that every day after school!”

“Yeah, so you know the one I’m on about, right? He was always lurking around corners, like, the camera would turn around and there he was, like he’d been there the whole time. That’s Yoongi!”

Tae barked a disbelieving laugh.

“You mean Count E. Vil? Yoongi would flip shit if he heard you compared him to a cartoon.”

“Count E. Vil? That was his name?”

“Yeah, and every time he appeared, Archie was like ‘didn’t see ya there!’”

“Yeah, yeah it is that one,” you laughed at the memory, “was that seriously his name? I must have forgotten.”

“You know, the more I think about, the more I can see it,” Taehyung was laughing too, “you just turn around and he’s like – bam – looking all cool…”

Taehyung schooled his face into a death stare just like Yoongi’s to demonstrate, making you crack up even more. He didn’t last long before the act broke down, laughter creeping into his poker mouth and now the both of you were bent over your knees with tears in your eyes, wheezing with the kind of infectious laughter that is most at home after lights out at a sleepover.

“Not a word of this to Yoongi, understand,” Tae joked when you had both calmed down, voice worn out from the laughing fit.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Comfortable silence warmed the room for a moment as you both drank more tea. Odd though your little scene was, with you both sat on the floor, legs outstretched in the middle, it was cosy. The glow of fading LEDs that barely lit your faces separated you from the darkness of the outside. In all the world, it felt as though you two were the only ones, safe in your unorthodox sanctuary.

“How…”

You spoke before you had figured out how to phrase your question, but now Taehyung had lifted his eyes back to you.

“How did you… Who started, I mean, with bangtan…”

“How did we get together?”

You gave a small nod.

“Some of us go way back,” he set his tea down, “I mean, I went to high school with Jimin. And Yoongi’s from the same city as me, and we used to know each other when we were tiny. His family was connected to Namjoon’s, and that’s where it started – their families started the whole crime thing, and they started training together.

“We all sort of fell together, I think Jin’s family needed help from Namjoon’s and he stayed on; Jungkook knew Jimin from childhood, and he showed up asking for help when we had already started; Jin found Hoseok at college. I started, and Jimin came along too, because Yoongi wanted me. We had been out of touch for years, but I still knew who he was.”

“Wow,” you breathed.

“It’s sort of complicated, I know,” he directed a shy smile at his cup.

“Well, that’s life,” you said quietly, “but you guys work so well together. I guess you got lucky.”

Taehyung’s nod was solemn.

“Yeah. But it’s more than just working – they’re my brothers now.”

Tilting your head as you listened, you believed him.

“You guys seem to understand each other so well.”

“We do – we always have each other’s backs, you know? I wouldn’t stick around in this for just anyone.”

“By ‘this’, do you mean…” you rested your chin on your knees, still listening intently.

“Everything we’re known for: drugs, fights, racing… I never intended to get into all that. I try to be careful, and moral, about it, we all do. But I wouldn’t have done it for anyone else.”

“Do you think you’ll stay in a gang forever?”

By now you were both talking in hushed tones as if you were huddled under blankets.

“No, I don’t think so,” he pondered, “I’m not sure what I want to be, though.”

“How about your art?” you smiled, “or fashion. Those books you got me were really interesting. Or your music? You’re a good singer-“

Cutting yourself off, your eyes widened. Taehyung had been nodding along, considering your options, but now he stared straight back at you.

“You heard me singing?”

“U-uh, yeah, I did,” you stammered, heat glowing in your cheeks, “I was half asleep, but I thought you were so good.”

“Thanks,” Tae’s voice was lower in pitch now, and he swallowed and looked down, his dark hair obscuring most of his face so he almost melted into the darkness. He cleared his throat, “I’ve never sung to anyone else before.”

“Well, you didn’t exactly sing to me,” you spoke softly, reaching a hand to his knee, “but it was amazing anyway. I mean it.”

You were glad to see a genuine smile blooming on his face as he looked back up again.

“Anyway,” he shook his head, “I’m not gonna leave the boys. Even when I’m not in a gang, they’ll always be my family. I’m not letting that go.”

“I understand.”

You really did. Your only family was across the city, torn from you and forced to work for Shinhyuk.

Hesitantly, you drew your hand back from his knee.

Draining the last dregs of his cold tea, Taehyung let the silence settle.

“I miss college,” you eventually confess into the quiet room, “I hope I get to go back.”

“Even Professor Han’s class?” Tae’s low voice joked.

“Oh, I don’t think I miss it that much,” you smiled, though it was overtaken by a sigh.

“You’ll go back,” came the reassurance.

A pause.

“We… we’re hoping we can beat Shinhyuk in this whole thing. We’re sort of working on a plan.”

Instantly intrigued, you stared expectantly across the kitchen at Taehyung, who heaved a sigh and began to explain.

“Shinhyuk has his weaknesses, and thanks to Jungkook we’ve found the worst. He works differently to us. He doesn’t care for anyone in his gang, and they don’t care for each other. Like your dad, he keeps most of them there with blackmail, so we’ve been trying to pick people off. If we can infiltrate well enough, guarantee his members a safe escape from the gang, or find some blackmail of our own to get them, we should be able to weaken him and catch him off-guard when his safety net isn’t there to catch him anymore…”

“Is it going to work?” you breathed into the still air.

Taehyung pursed his lips. You were very conscious of your breathing as you waited for an answer. In. Out.

“It has to.”

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[aitarose]

A HUNDRED LIVES (H. IWAIZUMI) pairing: iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

synopsis: only real relationships stand the test of time, some fair better than others—but in the end, all that truly matters is telling them you love them. all that mattered was how hajime would finally confess.

word count: 2.2k

genre: childhood best friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst, mutual pining

warnings: mentions of death

notes: i hated the way this was and i’ve had it finished for like a week and a half but now it’s in second person because i rewrote the whole thing ok aha enjoy! reblogs are very much appreciated like pls tell me what you think about this i kind of love it?? or do i? idk

↳ DIRECTORY

You knew that congratulations were in order, one for not only you, but the entire third year class of Aoba Johsai. The third year class that you’d grown up with, the people that’d graduated together from their high school duties. The very people that you’d grown up with, known for years on years, were moving on from Miyagi and saying their goodbyes.

It was saddening, knowing that you’d all have to leave your past behind, grow up and move on as an individual. You, yourself, hadn’t yet come to terms with the fact that you’d be moving to Tokyo—the city of stars and big dreams. There was something solemn about the thought—beginning a life on your own, away from the friends and family you’d grown used to seeing every day.

Which was why today was all the more important, why it mattered so much in the hole of your mind. It was one final hurrah, one final farewell to all of the fleeting people you’d come to love. All of the classmates from first period, advisors who’d suggested career paths, family friends and relatives that’d seen you grow up—and him.

Iwaizumi Hajime.

As children, you and Iwa had been as close as you could possibly be—spending nearly every day with one another as you were next-door neighbors, only separated by a thin wooden fence. One that was commonly crossed, as it was impossible to stay away from his energy—he’d been your first friend, first crush, the very first boy you’d ever daydreamed about while the sun was awake. 

Perhaps it’d been his smile, the joy on his face as he’d swing you back and forth on the playground. How he’d try his best to teach you how to set and spike, lecturing Oikawa as he’d complain about how you were never going to be good at the sport, and ignoring his best friend’s claims of a secret little crush on his favorite girl.

And though those times had been fun and all, the moments in which you’d meet each other between the dividing fences of your backyards during the evening hours, Oikawa long gone—and run off to the countryside to play in the old and sturdy tree house that your father had built the two of you, had always been amongst your favorite memories.

They were the memories that were always on the back of your mind, itching to be recalled, reenacted—the longing you had for him never truly going away even as you grew apart as time went on. That part of your brain, the part that might’ve loved him only taunted you—taunted you with the brokenness of the bond you thought would always last.

Your greatest wish was that you would’ve been able to keep in close contact throughout the late middle and high school years—but life had come in the way, life had ruptured your attachment to him—the responsibility of upholding your family after the death of your father had surpassed your need for Iwa, creating an abyss with no bridge to cross.

No bridge except a tiny, frail wooden beam that would only be stepped on in the times where Iwaizumi and his boasting best friend would stop at his house to hang out when after-school practice had ended. While it was rare that his path would cross yours, there were some sparing moments in which you’d miraculously be outside to greet them. 

It wasn’t like you and Iwa weren’t friends anymore, it was just that you’d each let the void amass for so long that there was nothing you really had in common—nothing except the bright pink flush on the both of your faces as Oikawa would poke fun at his ace’s face, causing Iwa to drag him into his house with a stoney and angered expression. 

And that was it. That was the only interaction you’d ever have, the only time you’d speak to the boy you thought you loved.

Which was why you weren’t all that surprised when he hadn’t decided to show up to your graduation party despite the handwritten letter you’d dropped off on his doorstep. His absence was deafening, making it all the more difficult to say your goodbyes as the person you wanted to see most, didn’t care enough to bid a farewell.

So, you’d decided to take matters into your own hands and somehow move on from the lost dreams that you’d once shared with Iwaizumi. The only reasonable way being to let go of that broken connection, the connection that had started with your little hideaway—the hideaway amongst the trees that you’d found yourself climbing up now. 

The calloused wood of the ladder splintered beneath your hands, scratching the taut skin, sanding its softness—no doubt blistering it to oblivion. You winced, curses flowing under your breath as you hesitantly reached the top, not exactly knowing what to expect as the treehouse had seemingly been abandoned for years.

Pushing your nerves aside, you crawled into the tiny space, forgetting how much younger and smaller you’d been the last time you’d sat in the little alcove. Looking up, your eyes grazed over the clean walls of the hideout, free from overgrown plants and cobwebs and dusted to near perfection—there wasn’t a single thing out of place.

It was surprising, the sight of your childhood playhouse having been taken care of after you’d assumed it had been forgotten—after you’d forgotten. Someone had to have been maintaining its structure, keeping it tidy and homey—that someone being the boy sitting directly across from you, scaring you half to death as his irises grew wide in shock.

“What the—” You started, tripping over your own feet as you fell backwards towards the opening of the doorway. A small scream grew on your lips as you began to free fall, nearly out into the open air before Iwaizumi reached out—catching your wrist in his, reminding you of the times when this was a common occurrence—when he’d never fail to keep you on your feet.

“You alright?” He breathed out, large hand gripping your wrist, continuing to hold on even though you were standing between his arms. It was comforting, the feeling of being so close to him, back in the presence of the boy who’d you’d lost oh-so-long ago—the boy you’d been hoping to see at some point before you had to leave for university. “I see you’re still a bit clumsy.”

Rolling your eyes and stepping away from his familiarity, you crossed your arms, one resting over the other, clear confusion in your eyes. “And I see that you’re still attached to this little shack.” There was a hint of humor in your tone, laughter being vocalized, but pain within its context. “It looks amazing, though—for how long it’s been.”

Iwa scoffed, shaking his head as he bit his lip—mouth itching to say something, then refusing to do so. Perhaps it’d been a snarky remark, or maybe one of sadness, whatever it’d been was lost, now a mystery to your ears. Instead, he patted the stray couch cushion next to him, offering you a seat—the seat that had used to be yours.

You sat in silence, together yet apart as the sun was setting over the far away fields. With every second, every sun ray splitting off and being reborn in moonlight, you could feel your adolescence slipping away—the thought of being dependent and a child losing meaning, losing importance, losing validity and need.

Thoughts running wild, chaos in your mind, the only constant being fear and anxiety in retrospect to the unknown that was your future—your future miles and miles away from everything that you’d come to love. Noticing the stress in your stature, Iwaizumi took a deep breath—wanting to hold your hand, but stopping himself before he could try.

“It hasn’t been that long, you know.” He said softly, glancing over at you. A little smile grew on his face at the furrow in your eyebrows, the slight upturn of your lips, and scrunched nose. If there was any beauty in the world, any beauty at all—Iwa believed that you were gifted with all of it. “I used to come here every night.”

“Yeah, Hajime—I know.” You responded, scoffing as you called him by his first name, the only name you’d ever known him by. “We both did, I was here too—” In the midst of your smart-assed response, he shook his head. There was something about his posture, energy, that made you stop in your tracks—it was one of his little ticks, one of the things that you’d never failed to remember. 

“But that’s just the thing—you weren’t here.” He mumbled, tapping the top of his knee with a finger as he leant back against the wooden walls, a reminiscent look in his eyes. “I’ve always been here, Y/N—always kept this place perfect for you, on the off chance that you’d come back. On the off chance that we’d keep our promises and not forget about each other.”

There was a sense of solemnness to the words spouting from his mouth, the truth that she had in fact left him behind—all with reason that he undoubtedly understood—but that didn’t make up for the lost years and memories that they could’ve had had she not been so distracted with the troubles of life and reliability.

“This is going to sound ridiculous since you’re leaving soon—” Iwa mumbled under his breath, internally cursing at himself at the horrible placement of his timing. “—but I’m not going to lie, Y/N. I really did think we’d end up together, somehow. When I proposed to you in that corner over there with that grass ring, I meant it. I meant every word.”

“Even if that ring had fallen apart two seconds after I tried to slip it on you.” A laugh bubbled from your throat, recalling the memory from when you were children—how he’d given you a kiss on the cheek along with getting down on one knee. The two of you had had a makeshift wedding after that, gathering all of your stuffed animals and placing plastic chairs beneath the tree—saying your vows with your parents in attendance, watching fondly at the pure sight.

Biting your lip, you turned to face him and his gaze that had already been intent on seeing you. There was a ghost of a grin on his features, wistful wonder in his irises, his hair messy and sticking in every direction due to the static—yet he was still the most handsome boy you’d ever seen. “I’m sorry.” You placed a hand on his, stopping the fidgeting nerves in his lap, and calming the rushing blood in his veins. 

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting for so long.” Wincing at the thought of your carelessness, the complete disregard you’d kept for his feelings along with your own. You’d had no intent on leaving Iwa behind, you’d just been so caught up with your own problems that he’d gotten lost in the mix of it all. “I must be a pretty shitty wife.”

Iwa laughed loudly, head dropping back at your remark. The moment was filled with deja vu, reigniting all of the feelings and love you’d buried under the hauntings of your mind. He always seemed to manage to make that broken part of you feel whole again, with his directed remarks and little jokes. “You’re not wrong, left me all alone after the altar—that doesn’t exactly scream ‘perfect wife’ material.”

Those words seemed to trigger something in him, a feeling that he hadn’t yet overcome as his expression turned stoney. Placing his empty palm above yours, hands stacked atop one another in a tower, Iwa grimaced, choosing his next set of sentences very wisely—knowing full well that they could make or break whatever chances he had with you.

“It’s alright though.” He whispered, his warmth heating the radiating coldness that was you. “Since I’d rather live a hundred lives of loneliness, then see you suffer even a minute of sadness.”

With his emotions bare, confessions out on the table, the things he said were more meaningful than those three little words themselves—you couldn’t help but feel your heart grow. The love you held for him overcompensating for every mistake and pain that you must’ve caused him—the only goal listed in your head being to make the rest of your time count, make the rest of your lives worth something together.

Leaning forward, ignoring the look of surprise on Iwa’s face as your nose touched his, you smiled through the outflowing sentences—outflowing thoughts that were spouting out like raindrops in a thunderstorm. “Sounds like you might be living a pretty lonely life, then.” 

He chuckled, calloused hands cupping your cheeks as he pulled you in, pressing a soft and long-overdue kiss to your awaiting lips. It was euphoria, the absolute bliss that was being with him, the boy of your dreams. It was a kiss that you’d spent countless nights thinking over, countless fleeting wishes of him holding you exactly as he was now. 

While your future had always been uncertain, there was at least one constant—a constant that would hopefully always be right within your grasp, right within your arms to hold on to, listen to, love wholeheartedly. Iwaizumi Hajime was it for you, he was the endgame that you’d always been searching for.

© aitarose.tumblr 2021. do not copy or claim my writing, works, themes, copy and paste my words, or headers as your own

[emospritelet]

Homecoming - chapter 20

I’ve had the final paragraphs of this chapter written for a long time...

[AO3]

x

Belle was dismayed, but not entirely surprised, to find that she was feeling rather worse for wear the next morning. She had tried to limit her consumption of alcohol after almost telling her employer that she had dreamed of him being her lover, but staying sober during the New Year’s festivities was easier said than done. It was after two in the morning by the time she fell into bed with blistered feet and an aching head, but she made sure to drink a large glass of water before turning in.

Splashing cold water on her face helped to wake her up, and as soon as the hot water arrived she washed, shivering a little as she dried off. The fire was burning, but the room had not yet lost its chill, and she dressed quickly in her warm woollens. If a trip to the castle was planned, she wanted to be properly attired.

The breakfast room was almost empty except for Alice, Ogilvy and the Professor, seated by the window. She greeted Ogilvy a little self-consciously, remembering her words of the previous evening, but he was his usual warm and polite self, pulling out a chair for her and pouring her some tea, and she managed not to blush. Mr and Mrs Mills entered as Belle was helping herself to eggs. Mr Mills looked a little heavy-eyed, but his wife was bright and cheerful. Belle suspected that she had gone to bed long before her husband, and without the numerous glasses of wine he had drunk.

“It looks like we’re the only ones up so far,” said Mr Mills. “I’m pretty sure Her Ladyship said we’d be heading out before midday, though. I’m hoping the cold air will clear this head of mine.”

“I’ll spend some time with Lucy and the twins while you’re hunting,” said Mrs Mills. “I believe you said you had your own expedition planned, Professor?”

“Yes, we’re taking some horses and heading out to a nearby ruined castle,” said the Professor, dabbing his mouth with a napkin.

“Oh, Langfell,” said Mr Mills, nodding. “Yes, we’ve been out there a couple of times. Parts of it are still standing, enough to give you a sense of what it might have looked like centuries ago.”

“What can you tell us about the castle?” asked Belle, and he wrinkled his nose.

“Not much,” he said. “It was owned by an old family, the Beauchamps, but after the plague devastated the area, it was left to fall into ruin. I think Travers might be able to tell you a little more. There are some ghost stories surrounding the place, I believe. The locals like to scare themselves.”

“The locals like to scare my stepmother,” corrected Mrs Mills, with a grin. “They know how she likes strange tales of the spirit world.”

“What are the tales surrounding Langfell?” asked the Professor.

Belle’s gaze flicked to Ogilvy. He was poking at his breakfast, appearing at a glance to have all his attention on his food, but she was sure he hadn’t eaten more than a few bites. He looked as though he needed to sleep for another twelve hours, his cheeks a little hollow, and she wondered if he was quite well.

“Something about a witch princess,” said Mr Mills. “Or was it a witch noblewoman, one of the family? I forget. Someone was tried and executed for witchcraft, anyway, and haunts the place. Or so the locals say.”

“Well,” said Belle, taking her eyes off Ogilvy and picking up her tea. “We’ll be sure to let you know if we encounter her.”

x

The air was bitterly cold, but the day was bright and clear, sunlight sparkling on the new snow that had fallen. Belle clutched the pommel of her horse’s saddle, watching the back of Ogilvy’s head as his own mount picked its way along a trail that wound up from the bottom of the valley between tall pines. Alice was behind her, with the Professor bringing up the rear. They had left before most of the guests had risen, even though it was almost eleven, and she wondered how many were nursing sore heads as they readied for the hunt. Her own headache had disappeared with the clean air, and she glanced around at the snow-covered trees and rolling fells, enjoying the quiet and calm of the open air after the noise and heat of the previous night’s party.

They seemed to come upon the castle all at once, the trail winding around the edge of the woods to where the bracken-strewn sweep of a narrow hill rose up out of the trees. An old sandstone building sprawled across its summit, towers jutting up at the sky and walls snaking along the contours of the upper slope. The walls were almost down to the snow-covered tussocks of wiry grass in places, its stones carried off by locals to build houses and animal pens, no doubt. A squat gatehouse showed where the entrance to the castle had been, its archway curving over what remained of the road that led to it. Most of the keep still stood, imposing walls of sandstone flanked with two towers, with arrow slits like eyes, frowning at them in disapproval.

Belle inhaled sharply at a sudden chill rippling through her, a sense that she had seen the place before, even as she was sure she had never set foot there in her life. She closed her eyes, and for a moment, it was as though she could hear the noise of hammers and chisels, stonemasons carrying out repairs, the shouts of farmers and the honking of geese and squealing of pigs headed for the castle kitchens. Scents drifted into her nose, animal dung and sweat and sweet, clean rushes, carried in to strew on the floors.

“Are you well, Miss Marchland?”

Belle’s eyes flicked open, and the picture her mind had created vanished like a pricked bubble, jerking her back to reality with the scents of pine and leather and horses. Her heart was thumping, but she nodded at Ogilvy as he drew his horse closer. There was a hint of concern in his eyes, and she tried to smile.

“Quite well, thank you,” she said. “I was just wondering what the castle must have been like centuries ago, when a noble family lived here. It must have taken hundreds of people to supply such a place.”

“It did indeed,” he agreed, glancing at the castle. “The town of Avonleigh was back towards where Willowbrook Grange now stands, and much of the food and labour for the castle would have come from there, and the fields around.”

“It seems sad,” said Alice thoughtfully.

“Yes.” Belle pursed her lips, eyes scanning the keep. “It does look a little grim, doesn’t it? Perhaps it’s the arrangement of the windows and the lack of a roof. I daresay it was cheerful enough when it was in use.”

“No, I mean it feels sad,” said Alice. “As though whoever lived here was unhappy. Did Mr Mills say it was abandoned when the plague came through? Why didn’t the lord who lived there stay and help the people rebuild?”

“Access to gold means nothing if you have no one to pay it to,” remarked Ogilvy, a twist to his mouth. “As Miss Marchland observed, a castle needs workers to keep it going, a veritable army of labourers and artisans. The town would have had its own guild of craftsmen, the blacksmith and his apprentices. Without such skilled people, it wouldn’t have lasted long.”

“There was a great deal of societal upheaval after the pestilence devastated the populace,” added the Professor. “Many towns and villages simply disappeared as the survivors went elsewhere, and those that were left were able to charge far more for their labour. I suspect that’s what happened here. Avonleigh died, and other towns rose from the ashes with the workers that fled.”

“Makes one wonder who was around to tell the tale of the ghost-witch,” said Belle dryly. “Perhaps Mrs Mills is right. Perhaps it’s just something the locals made up for Lady Tremaine’s benefit.”

“She does seem to see an otherworldly influence in everything around her,” agreed Alice. 

“We’d like you to take a look in Her Ladyship’s bedroom, Alice,” said the Professor, taking off his glasses to clean them. “I can’t say that we felt anything in there - certainly not the coldness she mentioned - but perhaps you might.”

“Alright,” said Alice. “What are we supposed to be doing here at the castle?”

“Oh, we just thought we’d have a look around,” said the Professor, his tone light. “Lady Tremaine mentioned the tale of a ghost, so there’s no harm in exploring, is there?”

A thin stream of cold wind twisted around them. Belle’s horse whickered, shaking her head, and she patted the mare’s neck soothingly.

“Well then,” said Ogilvy, his tone somewhat grim. “Let’s take a look, shall we?”

They tied the horses up outside the gatehouse, and Belle glanced around as she picked her way across the inner courtyard. Kitchens are off to the left, beyond the ramp that leads to the cellar. Once a barrel of wine was dropped, and broke open in the courtyard. It looked like spilled blood.

Belle stopped dead, heart thumping hard. Her skin was tingling, crawling, as though tiny insects were burrowing beneath it, spectral fingers tugging at her hair. She licked her lips nervously, glancing around at the courtyard walls and suddenly feeling as though she couldn’t breathe.

“Miss Marchland?”

Ogilvy’s appearance at her side made her jump, and she heaved a breath, feeling her heart pound in her chest. He was eyeing her with concern, and she tried to smile. 

“I’m well,” she lied. “I’m just a little - the space is a little confining, that’s all. Strange, given that it’s open to the elements. Perhaps I’m being silly.”

“What do you feel?” he asked, and she hesitated for a moment.

“A little breathlessness,” she said. “I’m sure it’s nothing. A late night and a little too much wine.”

“Here.” He offered her his arm, and she took it gratefully, allowing him to lead her around the courtyard.

“I find myself imagining what it must have been like for those who lived here,” she said, in an undertone. “The sounds and smells, the bustle and noise. I suppose the family slept in the towers, didn’t they? And ate in the hall with everyone else.”

“The hall had a great fireplace in it, to keep winter’s chill from the room,” he said, gesturing in front of them. “Long tables groaning with platters of meat and jugs of wine and ale. Musicians played, and there would be a clear area for dancing.”

Belle smiled, squeezing his arm a little.

“I can almost see it in my mind,” she said. “Imagine the noble daughter trying to climb up to her bedchamber with a head full of wine.”

Ogilvy gave her a slanted grin, his eyes twinkling.

“Imagine being a guest at the feast and trying to sneak out of the tower after you’d been in the noble daughter’s bedchamber,” he remarked, and Belle blushed as she pressed a hand to her mouth to hold in a scandalised squeak.

“Really, you are terrible!”

“If your luck held, the guards were more drunk than when you sneaked up there in the first place,” he added. “If it didn’t, you had to have your wits about you to come up with a convincing lie.”

“I think I understand why you and Lady Ella are such good friends,” she said, still blushing, and he chuckled.

“I’ve known a lot of people in my time, that’s all,” he said. “I imagine they haven’t changed much over the centuries.”

“At least allow the noble daughter enough propriety to refuse her ardent suitor,” she said primly, and his grin widened.

“What makes you think it wasn’t her idea?”

Belle huffed in pretended offence, pulling her arm from his and hearing his low chuckle as she headed towards the entrance to the keep. Part of the back wall was gone, bright sunlight shining through into the remains of the great hall. She peered into the base of one of the towers, eyes following a narrow spiral stairway, just wide enough for one person. For a moment she felt as though she was climbing, fingertips scraping against stone as she followed the treads, her steps a little unsteady and her head heavy with wine. She pressed a hand to her belly, a wave of nausea coming on her all at once, and grasped at the wall to steady herself. The world seemed to blur and swim around her, and she heaved a breath, her heart thudding in her chest again.

“Belle!”

“Miss Marchland!”

Ogilvy was at her side, a hand on her elbow and a worried look on his face. Alice was a few steps behind him, looking equally concerned, and Belle tried to smile.

“I don’t know what came over me,” she said. “Forgive me, I’m quite well.”

“You’re very pale,” said Ogilvy. “Do you need to sit down?”

“A moment of faintness, that’s all,” she said. “I shall be fine, I’m sure.”

“You should have eaten more for breakfast,” said Alice. “Let’s ring for tea and cakes as soon as we get back to the house. I for one would welcome it.”

“An excellent notion,” said the Professor. “You had a late night yesterday, Miss Marchland, and an early morning. This cold makes us more in need of sustenance than usual, I find.”

Ogilvy took her arm, helping her out of the tower and back into the light of the courtyard, and Belle heaved a few breaths, letting the cold air fill her lungs and leaning on his arm to steady herself.

“I don’t sense any ghosts here, anyway,” declared Alice, hands on hips as she looked around. “If there ever were any, I imagine they moved on. All I feel is that heavy sort of sadness again. And cold. But not the ‘spirits from the netherworld’ sort of cold. Just cold.”

“It’s more ruined than I thought it would be,” said the Professor absently, looking around. “Time takes everything in the end.”

“If a woman was executed here, why would she care that the steward took some stones anyway?” Alice peered through a narrow archway. “I think Mrs Mills is right; I think the locals are having a little fun with Lady Tremaine. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if her weird moaning ghost turns out to be one of the servants.”

“That’s certainly a possibility,” agreed Ogilvy. “It’s something I’d asked Hatter to make some discreet enquiries about.”

“They may not admit it to an outsider,” said Alice. “Although Hatter is very good at making friends. I have to say that I haven’t sensed anything strange in the house. Have you, Belle?”

Belle hesitated, remembering the odd sensation she had felt the previous evening when descending the main staircase. Don’t be ridiculous. That was merely a silly fancy, nothing more.

“No,” she said. “But there again I am something of a sceptic. I imagine Her Ladyship would lose patience with me in less than a day if she relied on me to listen to her tales of the macabre.” 

Alice giggled.

“She ignores me completely, which is fine by me,” she said. “She doesn’t seem to know how to react to you, though. I’m not sure she approves of you being Papa and Doc’s assistant, but she’s too polite to say so. But then she sees Lady Ella greeting you like a long-lost friend, so she has to try to make conversation.”

“She said I reminded her of one of the portraits,” said Belle, with a chuckle. “That was almost all of the conversation we had last night.”

“Portraits?” asked Ogilvy, and Belle turned to him with a smile.

“Yes, I think it was my gown,” she said. “She informed me that I was the image of someone who had lived in the house before the Tremaine family.”

“Aha!” said Alice triumphantly, pointing at her. “You are the ghost! Mystery solved! Did you see the portrait?”

Belle shook her head.

“She said it was on the second floor of the West Wing,” she said. “My shoes were already pinching, I wasn’t about to go on an expedition to find a painting.”

“Well, perhaps we’ll see it before we journey home,” said Alice carelessly, and turned on her toes, arms wide. “Papa, there’s nothing here but snow and ice and freezing wind. How long are we staying?”

“We’ll leave when everyone’s ready.”

Ogilvy was looking at Belle, and she had a strange feeling that he was waiting for something. Something she was either to say or to do. Not knowing what that was, she found herself growing irritated, and then impatient with herself because of it. She glanced around at the walls of the castle, shivering a little.

“It’s interesting to look around such an old place,” she said. “But perhaps the midst of winter isn’t the best time for exploring. I’m a little cold, I confess. Alice’s suggestion of tea and cakes is a welcome one.”

He nodded, his expression unreadable. 

“Then let us head back to the house.”

x

They set a slow pace back to the house, and it was approaching three when they arrived, the sun already setting. Tea and cakes were quickly procured, and the hunting party returned not long after, the gentlemen full of jovial banter about missed shots. The previous late night was weighing on Belle, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up with a good book, but she dressed for dinner, hoping that it wouldn’t be another late evening. The guests that had spent the night were due to leave the next day, including Lady Ella and Miss Waters, and Belle imagined they would want to rise reasonably early to catch the train.

Once the gentlemen joined the ladies in the drawing room after dinner, Belle excused herself as quickly as she could. Ogilvy had already left, bidding the other guests goodnight, and sending her a brief smile before leaving. The Professor was deep in conversation with Mr Mills about his plans to visit London in the spring, and Belle slipped from the room, heaving a sigh of relief as she made her way upstairs.

She looked in on the children, peering around the door to find them tucked in their beds, sleeping peacefully. It made her smile; they seemed a little more comfortable in the strange house. Perhaps it was having found a friend in Lucy Mills.

Closing the door quietly, she glanced at the bell pull. She had intended to ring for Ivy to help her out of her gown, but she decided to leave it for half an hour or so. The other guests would likely still be in the drawing room, and she had intended to read for a while before bed anyway. There was time enough for her to slip to the West Wing, and take a look at the portrait that Lady Tremaine had mentioned.

x

Ogilvy had been desperate for some time alone since they had returned to the house. Belle’s reaction to her old home had been interesting, if somewhat inconclusive. He suspected she had felt rather more than she admitted to; her reaction to being inside the castle had certainly been noticeable. There again perhaps her sudden faintness really was just the product of a late night and too much wine. She had been delightfully tipsy when she murmured that she had dreamed of him, but had appeared mortified by the admission, and had been more reserved than usual for the remainder of the evening. It was infuriating, even as he could understand her desire to adhere to society’s notion of decorum. The gods knew he didn’t, after all.

He made his excuses to the others and left as soon as he could, walking quickly to the dining room, where Thwaites the butler was about to carry out the port and brandy that the gentlemen had shared. 

“Ah, Thwaites, perhaps you can assist,” he said, clapping his hands together. “I understand that there are some portraits on the second floor of the West Wing? Perhaps you might direct me.”

“Yes, sir,” said Thwaites. “If you turn right at the top of the staircase and head along the landing until you turn a corner, you will reach the West Wing. The portraits hang in the small gallery that looks out over the gardens.”

“Good, good,” said Ogilvy, tapping his fingers restlessly. “Are they portraits of the family?”

“The family that owned the house before His Lordship’s family,” said Thwaites. “Their name was Willoughby. A sad business, what became of them.”

“How so?”

“Lord Willoughby lost much of his fortune,” explained Thwaites. “They say grief made for poor investment decisions. Some years earlier, his only daughter had been sent to an institution, where she died. Madness, I believe. Though some say it was a broken heart. A pity. She was a great beauty, as you’ll see.”

“Thank you.” Ogilvy hesitated. “Did you say her heart was broken?”

“They say she refused a noble suitor three times, stating that she loved another,” said Thwaites. “She never married this other man, though. Perhaps her parents refused the match.”

“Who was he?”

“I’m afraid Elizabeth Willoughby took that knowledge with her when she died,” said Thwaites gravely. “Would you like me to accompany you, sir?”

“No no, I’ll - I can find my way, don’t trouble yourself. If I need to ask you anything I’ll come and find you.”

“Very good, sir.”

Ogilvy turned on his heel, almost running for the staircase, his body humming with nerves, anticipation warring with apprehension as the Seer’s words from five years earlier floated through his brain. She wanted to remember you...knowing the pain it would cause...she chose what little of you she could have. Had it been Belle, this earlier inhabitant of Willowbrook Grange? Had she been doomed to misery and heartbreak, just as he had been in every life since their parting?

He reached the West Wing, his footfalls almost silent on the richly-patterned carpet, his heart thumping so hard that he could feel it in the base of his throat. The corridor seemed to stretch onward for a long time, but then he turned into the gallery, tall windows looking out over the darkened gardens. Paintings hung on the walls, differing in size, all containing portraits of people from the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. Ogilvy dismissed them all, hands opening and closing in his nervousness. A shaft of silver moonlight cut across the room and he stopped just outside it, breath catching in his throat as the portrait at the very end of the room filled his eyes.

It was unmistakably Belle, her hair pinned up on her head with tiny curls brushing against her slim neck. She was wearing a gold-coloured gown, cap sleeves baring her arms and a gold necklace with a fiery red stone around her neck. Ogilvy shook his head in wonder. The fire opal. She had it. She had it, and she remembered.

He had no doubt that this was the life in which the Seer had found her, and restored her memories. Elizabeth Willoughby was beautiful, but there was an air of deep sadness in her wide blue eyes, a desperate hopelessness captured forever by the artist, reaching out to him across the years. His eyes stung as tears welled up, his lip trembling.

“Oh, my love!” he whispered. “All this time, all these years I was looking for you, and here you were, back in the place we were torn apart. I hoped you’d been spared my pain, my torture. I’m so sorry I couldn’t find you. Gods, I’m so sorry!”

“Mr Ogilvy?”

The sound of her voice from behind made him freeze, his name spoken in that familiar warm tone. He turned slowly on his heels to face her, his heart thudding in his chest, his skin humming with love and grief and desperate wanting. Belle was staring at him curiously, and he stepped towards her without thinking, his soul drawn to hers, his hands reaching out to touch her, to pull her to him. She sucked in a breath as he cupped her cheeks, his fingers pushing into her hair as his mouth found hers, hungry and desperate. Her skin felt like silk beneath his fingers, and for a moment he let himself remember how good it felt to make love to her, to have his body pressed to hers, to be inside her. The taste of her was heaven, her lips soft and warm against his, and she let out a tiny moan as his tongue touched hers, his hands trembling as they stroked her hair, tears brimming over and streaking his face. 

Belle had closed her eyes, losing herself in the pull of his lips and the soft, comforting feel of his mouth on hers. A small, outraged voice in the back of her mind was screaming at her to pull away and protest, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Being in his arms felt right, as though she was meant to be there. There was a comfort to it, a certainty, a familiarity, and she opened her mouth for him, rising up on her toes as his tongue stroked against hers. It made her belly tighten and pull, and she felt her hands creep around his sides, sliding over the fine wool of his jacket.

He let out a low groan, a deep rumble that seemed to vibrate down through her body, and she pulled him closer, her heart thumping as he pressed against her, the warmth of his body seeping into her. His lips were sliding against hers, slippery with their saliva, warm and wet and soft, and she could feel the heat of his breath on her mouth, drawing it into her lungs, letting him fill her.

He broke the kiss, forehead pressed to hers as he tried to catch his breath. She was almost panting, her eyes wide, and he pulled back, his lower lip trembling and an anguished look on his face.

“Gods, I’m sorry!” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, forgive me.” 

He released her, stepping back and shaking his head. 

“Forgive me,” he muttered, and stumbled away, striding off down the corridor.

Belle watched him go, heart thumping and cheeks flushed. She wanted to speak, to call to him, to bring him back to her, but the words caught in her throat. Her skin was tingling, and she pressed her fingers to her lips, where she could still taste him. She should be outraged. She should demand his heartfelt apology. Certainly she should leave his household, to ensure her reputation was protected. What she wanted, however, was to follow him to his room. What she wanted was to kiss him again. 

[aperrywilliams]

A Normal Conversation Ch12 (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

Masterlist

Ch01 Ch02 Ch03 Ch04 Ch05 Ch06 Ch07 Ch08 Ch09 Ch10 Ch11 Ch12 Ch13 Ch14 Ch15 Ch16 Ch17

———————

Chapter 12: The First Night Date

Summary: Spencer and Max have their first night date. How will it end?

Word Count: 5140

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences. “Fluff” mostly.

Warnings: References to sex, sexual tension, etc.

A/N: Maybe things shouldn't go so slow anymore ;)

——————–

Max didn't know how long they'd been sleeping, but when she woke up tried to move without disturbing Spencer. Managing to get up from the couch she saw Spencer hardly moved. It was evident he had not slept at all in days and was tired, so she did not want to disturb him by now. Max took a blanket from one side of the couch and covered him with it. Then she went to the bathroom to washing her face to feel more awake, filled a glass with water and sat at the desk turning on the laptop. Next day must to go back to school so wanted to prepare some things from work before that.

The clock was ticking around 7:00 p.m. when Spencer began to stretch. Max saw him move in the couch and slowly open his eyes as he yawned. When he was aware of being awake, sat up quickly and very confused.

“Easy there, you're in my place. You fell asleep on the couch”. Max said to calm him down. Spencer started rubbing his eyes with the palms.

"Max, I'm so sorry... what time is it?" asked in a sleepy voice.

"Almost 7 pm" Max replied watching as Spencer tried to wake up still rubbing his eyes. She couldn't help but think of how cute he was in that situation, like a little boy with tangled hair, half-open eyes, and messy clothes.

"Wow..." Reid tried to get up but was still dizzy from sleep.

"Hey, wait a minute. Don't get up so fast. You're going to fall”. Max ordered.

"Ok, ok... I’m fine... were you awake all this time?... you were with me when I fell asleep...". Spencer asked looking at Max.

"Yes, I slept a little too..." said Max. Spencer was already sitting on the couch, wide awake.

"I’m an horrible partner... I come to see you and I fall asleep. Great…”. Max laughed.

"Hey... don’t worry about that. You are the one who hadn't slept in days. Also I would not say it was a waste of time… you look so adorable sleeping… like Sleepy Beauty”. Spencer couldn't help but blush at Max's comment.

“Still, it's very disrespectful from me. Sorry…”. Spencer said putting his shoes on and tying his shoelaces.

"Don’t be sorry. I like you feel comfortable enough to sleep on my couch… for now” Max said winking. Spencer just could cleared his throat  at the comment.

"Ehm... and what are you doing now?" Spencer asked seeing Max's laptop on.

“Well, tomorrow I go back to school. I want to prepare a little before the chaos” she said laughing.

"Oh, I understand. Ok, I think I should go then". He got up from the couch correcting his clothes a little.

“You don't have to go if you don't want to yet. I can do something for dinner…” she said getting up from her chair.

Don't worry, it's not necessary. I don't want to disturb you, I also think when I get to my apartment I will eat something fast and go to bed again… ”. Spencer replied as he approached Max who was still standing next to her desk.

When he had her face to face, Spencer took her by the waist and stared at her. Reid had tangled hair and his tie to the other side of his neck. In Max's eyes the man looked irresistible. He smiled at her as he examined her features. Thus, an idea crossed his head. Max looked at him curiously as his eyes began to glow as if a light bulb had suddenly lit up.

"Max, I think we deserve a real date..." Spencer said solemnly and without letting go of her waist. Max tilted her head in doubt.

"Don't you think we've had 'dates' already? What are you thinking Dr. Reid?" Max asked playfully as she grabbed his tie and tried to pull it into right place.

“Yes, we had, certainly. But I'm talking about a date as classic definition of date is” said Spencer.

"Okay, and what would a ‘classical date’ be like for you?" Max asked laughing.

“First of all, such a date has to be at night. Secondly, a date like this deserves to me come to pick you up here at your apartment and take you to dinner in a nice and quiet place. Third, it is essential I give you flowers. Fourth, it has to be a date where we can talk a lot, looking each other in the eye, laugh a lot and... of course, another very important point: where I would kiss you while we are enveloped by candlelight" Spencer traced with his fingertips small circles down Max's back as he spoke. The combination of his words and his caresses made Max shiver a little.

"Wow, it doesn't sound bad at all, I must say... if your intention is to indulge me like that, I think I accept it" Max said with a smile as she got up to catch his lips with hers intensely. Spencer answered the kiss with the same intensity. He only broke the kiss a little to speak.

"Tomorrow then?" Spencer asked eagerly.

"Seems right to me. Tomorrow night”. Max replied.

"Perfect!" Spencer said with an open smile.

"I don't know where this romantic streak of yours Dr. Reid comes from, but I'm not going to complain..." Max said jokingly.

"I don't think I could say either..." he said as leaned forward to continue the kiss they had previously interrupted. When they felt lack of air, they both pulled away. "Now I must go. I have considerably abused your hospitality and time today”

"Ok. Tomorrow night then?" Spencer nodded. Giving her one last goodbye kiss, Reid walked to the door and left the apartment.

The next day Spencer had texted Max asking her if 8:00 PM was a good time to pick her up. She answered it was okay. It was close to 7:00 PM and Max was getting out of the shower going to the closet to choose the attire would wear that night. Max thought for a moment about what to pick. Since this was a date as Spencer described before, she thought a dress would be best option. She wanted to live up to the moment, and if meant stepping out of her comfort zone a bit, was willing to do it. The option chosen was a black dress. It will make her hips stand out.

The dress also had a moderate neckline. She thought if the idea was to only make Spencer “a little” nervous her outfit would work. Then Max looked for shoes to match the dress choosing a high-heeled ones to try, in part, to reach at Spencer's height, although was impossible to achieve anyway. She hoped date didn't include dancing, because if it did, those shoes wouldn't be a good idea to be honest. In her bet, told herself it would only be a dinner, so she shouldn't worry about it. Also chose a lighter colored coat to make a little contrast to the rest of her clothing. The makeup sought to highlight both her eyes and lips. Black and red would make a good contrast, she thought.

At exactly 20:00 there were two knocks on the door. Surely Spencer, with his usual punctuality, was the one who was there to pick her up. Max went to open the door.

"Hey!... on time as always" Max said to Spencer who was standing on the threshold with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a smile impossible to erase from his face. He was also prepared for the occasion: full suit, white shirt, dark tie, and black shoes. When Reid saw Max, his jaw dropped four floors and couldn't help but look at her full body. "Wow..." he thought without being able to speak for a few seconds.

"Hey... I ... I brought you this..." he said as crossed the threshold and handed her the flowers.

“Spencer, thanks, they are so beautiful. I will put them in water right now”. Max took the bouquet and turned to the kitchen to fetch a vase. Spencer couldn't help but stare in awe at Max's figure and how good she looked in her dress. He also couldn't help but comment something about it.

"I must say that... you look ... amazing..." Max returned an open smile.

"Thank you. You look very handsome today too” said Max as she placed the flowers on the table.

"Thank you ... although looking at you I can hardly keep up on that ..." Spencer replied. Max couldn't help but laugh.

"Don’t say that!. Give me a minute I'm going to get my purse and my coat and could we go”. Spencer nodded, standing by the door waiting for Max.

They left the building and Spencer propped onto the street to stop a taxi. The car stopped and he opened the door for Max to get in, then went to the other side to get on. He gave the instructions to driver and they started off the trip. The time they stayed in the taxi both shared silent looks and smiles. Neither spoke, but it was evident their contemplative attitude towards each other said a lot about how nervous they were in that moment. The only physical contact they had during the trip was Max's hand, which reached for Spencer's to gently squeeze it and not release it until the end of the trip.

Spencer's heart was pounding. He wanted at all costs a special night with Max. In his mental scheme it was his first real date with her, so he was anxious and wished everything was as perfect as he had imagined it ever since idea came into his mind.

Few times in his entire life Reid had the opportunity to reach this point with someone. Point he considered ‘formal’ but lacking any label: no boyfriends, no lovers, no friends... or perhaps all of it together, but without giving it a specific name. For Spencer this is a moment with a thin line: either everything moving forward or everything moving backwards. He felt the bet was leaning towards 'moving forward'. Max's signs gave him confidence. But same confidence faltered the second his insecurities returned to torture him from time to time.

In her side, Max was curious. She wasn't thinking Spencer wants to prove something, or maybe he is, but for the confidence dynamic they'd begun to have over the past few days, tonight could mean a lot: rush things, staying in same way, or stop them. She didn’t like impression Spencer could feel he must exhibit all his courtesy to impress her. She had already made her bet on him and didn't want him to feel uncomfortable or feel compelled to do something just to please her. Max was not that type of woman and suspected Spencer already knew it. But it was true she had learned things from him also in this short time: clearly he was a very different man from the average and as such, full of surprises, then… why not let herself be surprised? With that last thought Max decided she was going to suppress any fear or doubt and was going to enjoy tonight as if it were his first meeting in the park or his first coffee date.

When they reached the place, Reid quickly got off to go open the door on Max's side. He offered his hand to help her down. They were in front of a restaurant located on one of DC's main avenues. It looked quite fancy. Both approached hall where a man asked them "Do you have a reservation?". "Yes. For two. Reid” Spencer replied. The receptionist searched his register. "Dr. Reid, please join me over here”. They crossed a large hall where there were several tables and many people siting. In one corner was another entrance to a smaller room. In that room there were only three tables. Of which only one was occupied. The man pointed to one of the empty tables for them to sit on as he asked for their coats and jackets to make them more comfortable. Then he left two menus and left, saying the waiter would take their order soon.

The room had warm lighting, which was complemented by candles arranged on each table. It was a quiet space, unlike the hall they had crossed where more noise could be heard. When they sat down, Spencer opened the menu while Max scanned the place with her eyes.

"Spencer, this place is gorgeous" said Max looking at her surroundings.

“And very calm, by the way. No one here can disturb us and we’ll not have the noise from the main hall either” added Spencer.

"Wow, I feel like in those '80s movies, with a lot of glamour" said Max laughing.

"If you'll allow me, I must say tonight you look perfect to fit on that description" Spencer said flatteringly.

"Dude, don’t you put me on that spot. I will have to behave as if I were a celebrity before thousands of paparazzis” Max said laughing as she imagined the scene.

"No no no. You don't have to feel that way. The plan is we enjoy tonight. I want you to be comfortable. If you are disturbed or disliked by something, we can leave at any time…”. Spencer said taking one of her hands that was resting on the table.

“Don’t worry Dr. Reid. I'll find for my balance” Max said smiling without releasing his hand and winking. "Well, what are we going to have for dinner today?" Max asked placing attention on the menu.

"There are many options here... I at least want to try the steak of this place" Reid said confidently.

"Okay. Let's see…”. Max started to look at the menu and decided for a stirred fry meat with grilled vegetables. When the waiter came, he took both orders. Spencer also pointed something on the drink menu which the waiter wrote down. Then waiter left in search of their order.

"Well, and how was the return today?" Spencer asked as he settled the cloth napkin on his lap.

"I think it was good. Exhausting, yes. I was only absent three days, but today I noticed immediately. Also, those kids had more energy than I had seen in weeks” said Max with a huff.

"Maybe they missed their teacher" Spencer joked.

"Well ... if so, I would prefer not to be missed so much..."

"Hard not to miss you, if you ask me..." he said winking her.

"How flirty Dr. Reid!" Max said teasing Spencer.

"Hey, you deserve all the praises I can give you. These are just a few. If I had better ones, believe me I would give them to you”.

"You know, I'm going to get used to it with all this. So much courtesy is not usual for me, if you understand what I mean. Now, I'm not complaining either, by the way” said Max.

"Ok, it's possible you don't be used to. But if it doesn't bother you, I'd love to keep doing it…”

"Only if you let me do the same with you handsome" said Max while Spencer smiled slightly flushed.

"Okay, I think we both can praise each other, why not?" Reid sentenced.

"For me, sounds like a very good deal" Max declared smiling. Spencer nodded. They stared for a few seconds in silence, until Reid began to speak.

"Moving on to another topic, have you heard any news from the Smithsonian?" Max winced with a shrug.

"Nothing. They told me the process was slow and I had to be patient. Maybe next week I will have the first interview. I'm nervous. I had already told you I would love to have that job…” she said accompanying her words with a sigh.

"Yes, and I'm sure you will get it, you just have to be patient, as they indicate…" said Reid trying to assurance her.

"I hope you're right!" Max said. At that moment the waiter appeared with a bottle of wine. He shows it to Spencer and he nods. The waiter opens it and pours some of it into Max and Spencer's glasses, then puts down the bottle. "Spencer ...? Are you going to drink wine?” said Max oddly.

"That's right, we'll drink wine" Spencer sentenced.

"But you told me you didn't drink..." Max interrupted.

"What I said... was I only drink on special occasions" Reid said smiling. "And for me, this is… indeed a special occasion"

“Wow! I’m flattered” Max said a little flushed.

"Shall we toast?" Spencer said raising his glass once the waiter had left after putting the bottle in the table.

"I think we must to do it. And make a toast for...? ” Max asked. Spencer was silent for a moment, wondering about words he was going to let out of his mouth.

“Ehm, well… I want to toast for our first night date... for you, thank you for accepting my invitation. I would also toast to have the privilege to have your presence... and I'm not just saying it only for today. Max, I'm really very… glad to have met you and... to be with you now”. Max nodded smiling, without saying a word, just raised her glass as they did the toast.

They talked for a while about the job Max was applying for. She related how her head hunter had come up with the notice and the requirements of the job, for which Max thought her fitted in quite well. After a while their plates came. While they ate they continued talking. Max asked Spencer how he got to work at the BAU. He related how his first approach with Gideon had been, and it was he who finally made it possible for him to join the BAU despite his young age. Spencer couldn't help but tell what Gideon's fate had been years later. But despite as sad as it had been, he hoped Gideon was proud of him, more than even his own father.

"And since when do you not have contact with your dad?" Max asked after Spencer told Max some more details about how his dad had abandoned him and his mother when Reid was still a child.

"It's going to be 12 years now... or maybe a little more..." Spencer said as he did the mental math.

"And there is no times don't you feel curious for to know about him...?" Max asked.

"I don’t know. He has been so absent in my life I would not even know what to talk to him. It's clearly not like the relationship you have with your dad"

"Ok. I understand. Although I didn't have much daily interaction with my dad when I was a child, well ... after my mom, I think things changed for the better between us and yes, now we are very close" said Max, taking a sip of her wine.

"It’s possible to see that clearly, same feeling with your sisters..." Reid declared as he assaulted his steak.

"Yes, my dad has been very understanding with me and all my disasters..." Max laughed. “Really, my dad has a golden patience with my sisters and with me. And I already told you the other day how things were between us…”

"Yes. I know. I suppose that's happen when you have children, you could do anything for them. I could say the same about my mom”. Max was going to ask something related, but before any word came out of her mouth she stopped. Spencer noticed her gesture and looked at her curiously.

"Were you going to say something? Why did you stop?"

"Nothing... I don't think it's relevant now. Besides we are having a very good evening, I don't want to ruin… ” Max was trying to see if she could change the subject but Spencer wasn't letting go so simply.

"Max. You don't have to be so restrained with me. I would love if we could continue to be open with each other. If you want to tell me or asking me something, you don't have to keep it to yourself”. Max nodded, as Spencer took her landed hand across the table.

"Ok… you’re right. Well… what ... what I was going to ask you was how you could managed yourself seeing your mom dealing with her illness. After all these years, being your only family... how could you do it?”.

Spencer nodded, pondering Max's question. "Do you see why I shouldn't have opened my mouth?" Max reproached.

“Don´t say that. It is a good question, really. Truthfully, and to be honest with you… I think it was only a few years ago I began to accept I could no longer do anything about it. I spent many years thinking I could do something, just as we saved people from serial killers every day, for a long time I wanted to believe I could heal my mom... and it’s curious, because even in her state of lucidity, she has been the one has taught me that it is beyond my hands and all she wants... is me being happy and... we can enjoy all the time we can have together, although we both know that it is uncertain” said Spencer with a bitter smile.

"A mother knows..." said Max squeezing his hand. Spencer couldn't help but smile at the comment. Max tilted her head, not fully understanding Reid's reaction. Spencer noticed and rushed to explain himself.

“My mom has always told me that. 'A mother knows'… and yes, it seems like that. It sure is the same thing your mom ever told you” Spencer replied. Max nodded smiling as she took a sip of wine. Spencer did the same.

Progressing the conversation, Spencer asked Max why she had chosen to study art history and if she had considered other options. While Max had already told him how chaotic the process of studying had been, they had not discussed why her choice in first place. Max told Spencer her mom had always encouraged her to take out her most spontaneous streak even though she considered herself much more structured like her dad. She thought a good combination of both was not to be an open artist, although visuals has always been one of her weaknesses, both painting and photography.

"And do you paint regularly?" Reid asked curiously.

“It has not been part of me for since many years. In fact, when I started teaching I stopped doing it. I have only taken the chance to explore a little more in photography, but not professionally either. But I really like it” said Max taking another sip of her wine. They had finished eating and were waiting for dessert and coffee.

"Well, it is clear I did not exploit that kind of seed very much. Although I find it very interesting. I could just try to mathematically replicate things but that's a complete lack of talent about it”. Spencer laughed.

"Although I could bet you admire aesthetics a lot..." Max intervened.

"I do, of course. But not to develop it by myself” said Spencer shaking his head.

“Ok, it seems fair to me. But I enjoy to know it's something you appreciate. I would have thought you only fit into hard science” said Max finishing her wine.

“I would like to think more about how da Vinci was in his time. The expressions of science and aesthetics can coexist, at least that’s what I think...". Spencer's reflection was interrupted by the waiter bringing the desserts and coffee they had ordered. They continued talking about the museums and places they knew. Max was not surprised when Spencer told her about all the places he knew throughout the country. She felt sort healthy envy upon hearing him.

"Wow, I have many places to visit before I die!" Max exclaimed eagerly.

"Let's say it's one of the benefits of working and traveling for many places... at least that could be called a gain" said Spencer.

“Still, I wouldn't want to have your job just to see museums across the country. I would only do it if I didn't have to chase psychopaths” Max said laughing.

"Yes, it's true" said Spencer, laughing too. He was fascinated seeing how Max laughed and seemed so relaxed. He couldn't help but hold her hand again and start rubbing it with his thumb. Max responded by squeezing his hand while caressed his palm with one of her free fingers. They were a few seconds in silence looking at each other. Max broke the silence after a moment.

“Spencer, I have to tell you this night has really been incredible. And… it’s not for all the wine I have drunk, I must clarify…”. Both laughed.

“I'm not going to blame the wine, either, but it's only fair I tell you… you look so gorgeous laughing at the candlelight. It was just as I had imagined… or better…” said Reid. Max looked down a little embarrassed.

"Stop it. You are going to make me blush… once more" said Max. Spencer leaned to get closer to her before speaking again.

"There is nothing wrong with that. If you knew how nervous still I’m now… and how craving am I for kiss you right now…” he said almost in a whisper. Max felt her body shudder.

“Spencer, you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable. Tonight is already perfect enough… ”

Ignoring her words, Spencer got up and sat in the chair right next to Max, without releasing her hand. With the other hand grabbed her chin and lifted it up enough to meet her lips with his. He closed his eyes and began to kiss her gently as rubbed her cheek with his thumb. Max grabbed Spencer's neck with her free hand still kissing him. When they broke the kiss looked at each other, both with a smile plastered on their faces.

"I hope you enjoyed this dinner as much as I have so far" said Spencer still rubbing Max's cheek.

"Of course I enjoyed it! It has been a marvelous night with you. I really loved it, thank you" said Max stealing another kiss from him.

After dinner, with the check paid and their jackets/coats recovered, both left the restaurant. Spencer called a taxi that landed just in front of them. They got on and as he gave the driver instructions to Max's apartment. Once there, he helped Max down again and went up to her apartment with her. They were holding hands walking slowly and laughing. They reached the door and Max pulled out her keys to open the door. Once with the door open, before getting inside and both being on the threshold, Max spoke.

“I already told you this, but again it doesn't hurt. Thanks Spencer. It was an amazing night, honestly"

"Tonight was perfect for me, too" Spencer said as he clutched one of Max's cheeks with one of his hands. "Thanks for accepting my invitation in first place…”

"I would have been a totally fool if I had refused" said Max smiling. Spencer smiled too and leaned down to kiss her. He did not dare to start the kiss, however, he was only millimetres away. It was Max who grabbed the lapel of his blazer to draw him to her so she could put their lips together.

The kiss became more intense, heating and longer while seconds passing. Spencer cupped Max's face with both hands as she had their arms around his neck grabbing as much as she could while her back rested against the door frame. Reid felt a tickle run through his body. He wanted to speak but did not dare to do it. The thought of inviting him come inside crossed Max's mind, but that kiss has been so intense enough to become something else between four walls. She doubted. What if she stopped thinking and just let herself go? Feeling his breath on her would be enough to make her lose sanity. She would like to pull him into the apartment and end that wonderful night in her bed. But something in the back of her head stopped Max.

Spencer expected her to say something to him or give him a sign. He didn’t want to presume something and ending ruin that wonderful night. Her scent was irresistible, and he could bet she too was having an internal struggle for the same reason. The more his mouth sank into her neck, the harder it was to think of anything other than touching her body. But he neither would give 'that' step. His fear of ruining it was stronger. Max was the one who finally broke the kiss and spoke.

"There is something with you and the kisses on the thresholds..." she joked. Spencer couldn't help but laugh, still with his mouth on Max's neck.

"It's possible. The door frames are very sexy…” he said muffling his words against her neck and starting give her short kisses in her collarbone and chin. Max was laughing as much at Reid's comment as at the tickling of his lips over her skin. When she pulled away spoke again.

“Ok. I think it’s time to you go home. Good night Spencer. Thanks for bringing me back and for the dinner, of course” said Max with a soft voice and fondling his hair. Then she rose on her feet to kiss him goodbye.

"You´re right. Good night, Max” Spencer said smiling. After looking at each other for a few more seconds, he turned and started making his way to the elevator. When the elevator doors closed, Max finally got in her apartment and closed the door.

Spencer left the building looking for a taxi to return to his apartment. A thin rain had begun to fall at that time of night. Little did he care about that. Despite not having gone further that night, he felt happy, almost like a teenager. He couldn't stop laughing alone. Max, meanwhile, lay on her bed taking off her shoes and looking at the ceiling. She was impressed and delighted at the same time. It had been a long time since she had a 'date' like this. In fact, she couldn't remember ever dating someone like Spencer before. Max thought it was the perfect combination of charming… and sexy. That last one thought made her sigh. "Maybe I should have invited him to come in... now we would be on something else" told herself as she covered her face with a pillow. "Max, stop it. You said this should be slow. Don't start with second thoughts now on it!”. Then she got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for bedtime.

——————–

[ranekvilmas]

Uraveled (Chapter 1, Part 1)

(This is a collaboration with @theunfortunatedruid​)

While waiting for Blythe to change, Ranek filled his water skin and packed the meat for their trip, setting it on the table. He put on his cloak, fastening it and  then attached his knife to his lower back. He also had a few throwing knives he placed in holsters at his hips. He took his boots off and set them in his bag with the water and meat, then shifted to his worgen form for ease of travel.. The gear was his prized possession, enchanted to allow him to use it in both forms. He stretched and twisted his body, making sure everything was in place and made as little sound as possible.

Contrarywise, the druid trots back down the stairs still in her human form, clad in a white robe with green and brown accents. She's not shy about looking him up and down upon her arrival, then swings for the door. "C'mon, lad! Let's ge' goin' if'n yer wolfish self is ready," she teases from the door, already open and letting winter's chill into the bakery.

Ranek turns as she appears, smiling as she looked him over. The cloak did not expand, looking more like a cloth around his shoulders drooped down to his waist.Her gaze made his lips peel back, exposing the massive fangs. "Definitely ready, love. Once we reach the gates, I will race you." He padded to the door, taking out his keys and putting his other arm around her waist. "That robe looks lovely."

"Than' ye," the druid purrs before extracting herself from his grip and, in order to make up for her lack of footwear, shapeshifting into her elk form. At his side, she steps through the city, hooves slipping periodically on cobblestones frozen by the spray of the sea, until they reach the gates. He would pause frequently, holding a hand on her side each time she slipped, knowing full well that he would not be able to do much to help her, even in his shifted form. 

There, she allows one of the guards to draw a hint of mana from her for identification, then immediately takes off running into the woods without warning. She shoots a smug, taunting grin back at him. Ranek, however, had to stop to hand over his papers. As the guard returned them, he caught her form rapidly moving away quickly.

"Oh.. you ASS." He chuckled, taking off in a run as he stuffed the paper into his pocket, and after a few hundred paces jumped to all fours and tore off after her. "Cheater!" He laughed loudly, making sure to at least keep her in his sights.

In her elk form, Blythe's laugh bays, echoing from tree to tree throughout the forest. She covers ground like the wind, long legs built entirely for speed carrying her with ease and grace. "Slowpoke!" she counters, the twist of her neck required to do so nearly causing her to take off an antler as she passes a tree. Her laugh spurs him faster, a wide grin on his snout, showing off his fangs again. The chase is one that he lived for. Both chasing this particular druid, and one that let the wolf power through the forest. Both he and the wolf knew Blythe was not prey, but a goal they could reach as they powered through in long, bounding strides. 

It doesn't phase her, and once she turns fully forward once more, she leaps over a boulder to resume her full-speed gallop. As he ducked under the limbs knocked loose by the antler, he saw the rock and focused on it. Front claws gripped hard, the hind legs planting and digging to power him through the air to land a little closer to her. He knew every yard gained on her was a small victory. Elks were made for running, and it was a welcome challenge.

As they travel, the air grows heavy, the atmosphere thickening into an oppressive murk that, by instinct alone, drives her to slow to a careful trot. Rusted, blood-speckled bear traps glint in the underbrush. Ranek had also slowed down to a jog next to her, taking a deep breath.

 "Fel fuck me... that is a lot of traps.." He said softly, scanning the field metal teeth.

"They've no' been reusin' 'em when they move locations," Blythe states, low-voiced as she steps over a set of rusted teeth. "So th' fores' is littered with 'em, both tripped an' still ready, li'e these'uns. Once I've gotten rid o' th' 'unters, I'll be spendin' moons cleanin' th' place up. Migh' need t' use magic t' 'elp me."

The white marrow of ribs stands near a snapped trap. On her approach, the earth beneath Blythe's hooves begins to glow green, and when she comes to a stop beside the worgen skeleton, roots rise from damp soil to grasp it and bury it properly. Unreadable elk eyes stare at the fresh grave, but her pinned ears betray her."Light... worgen are still part human. This is disgusting..." He frowned, moving to squat down just as the green glow begins and the roots drag the remains safely in to the ground. 

On his knees, he mutters a quiet prayer for the lost soul, hands clenching. "They all need to die.. every one of them."

Ranek looked down at the rusted traps, growling low and nodded. "You know I will spend as much time as you will have me finding and disarming these." He gently patted her flank.

"I know ye will. Bu' i' migh' be somethin' I bes' do alone fer safety. I can disarm 'em en masse with roots."

Another pregnant moment's pause, and she turns on a hoof. "Aye. Let's move on." The forest feels decidedly colder after that, a chill seeping through fur to settle into marrow. Frosted leaves crackle under Blythe's cloven hooves, the ice only giving way whenever she utilizes magic to bury any corpses they pass. It seems she's not patrolled this area in some time; all of the corpses are in advanced stages of decay.

He looked at the fresh grave, the traps, then back to her. "I would feel better if I could at least come with you, if you are focusing on the magic, you need extra eyes and ears." 

He did not push the subject further, but moved with her. As the cold set in, he chose his steps carefully since the crunching frost became a hazard. He kept an eye on her, but his other senses strained to pick up signs of trouble. The other corpses only agitated him further, the wolf inside straining and urging him to hunt and kill. "Patience..." He muttered to himself.

"Eyes an' ears won' ma'er once th' 'unters're gone, lad. I'll be alrigh' on m' own." 

"You don't need to be alone, though.. I am here." He said after a few more minutes of silence. Maybe it was more to himself, a thought spoken out loud.

Perhaps Blythe doesn't hear his protest, for she offers no retort, not even her ears flickering at the sound of his voice. But it's with apologetic sorrow that the druid continues leading the way through the forest, her head hung and her eyes on the leaves underhoof, though her ears work overtime to detect the first signs of danger. None finds them, the forest as cold and dead as the corpses Blythe buries. She kicks aside a leg trap, its spring too rusted for it to snap shut, with a forehoof. "I should 'ave patrolled this area sooner. More. They shouldn' 'ave been lef' ou' fer this lon'."

As she spoke, he sighed softly. A hand goes down her spine softly, comforting and caressing. "You cannot be everywhere at once, love. This place is too vast to guard by yourself, love. And..." His voice dropped to a soft tone, just audible for her to hear. "I am grateful that you are burying them."

A trap snaps somewhere else in the woods, the sound echoing between thin needles and broad trunks like the distorted pluck of a piano key on its string. Thick legs stiffen as Blythe stops dead and draws her head up, ears swiveled forward to listen for further movement. Ranek also came to a halt, head moving side to side to gather all the information he could with his senses.

 "'tis th' leas' I can do fer 'em." And then she takes off running, turning at such a sharp angle that she nearly bowls her lover over in her haste to make for the faraway snap of metal. Maybe, just maybe, she can make it there in time to save a life.

He was focusing on any noise to follow the trap that he was knocked over by her large farm, snapping his eyes open and saw her bolt. "Blythe! Wait!" He did not hear a scream or a howl... 

Shit, this could be a trap!

He started running after her, the current form she held and her determination carrying her ahead, so he put extra speed into his loping gait, hoping to catch her at least. "Blythe, stop!" He called, pointless but still the words came out. @theunfortunatedruid​

[digressfromreality]

Sometimes, We Survive By Forgetting

Synopsis: “You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story,“ Deidra whispered to her newest friend. A stray black dog she found, that had hurt himself outside of her home. What Deidra didn’t know that the stray dog, was her brother-in-law, Sirius Black, who was very surprised to find his brother’s wife very much alive after all these years.

Warning: SMUT, abuse/torture                        Part 5 of ….

(Past: December 18th 1995)

“Oh, bloody hell, more redheads.” Janelle complained, and Sirius nudged her warningly in the ribs. As if to say shut it.

“Their father,” he pointed to the children, “her husband,” he pointed to their mother now, “was just attacked. Try being sympathetic for once in your life.” Janelle bit her lip, for in fear of biting his head off. Not that she didn’t want to, but she wasn’t entirely cruel. This wasn’t the time, even though he deserved that and so much more.

Dumbledore was the only reason she hadn’t left. He had calmly explained that they still had work to do unlocking her past, while she grew accustomed to the wizarding world once again. Besides she had nowhere else to go for the moment, and she understood that he knew this. But Sirius rebuked any wrongdoing on his part. Her shaky trust in him, had been tainted beyond repair. Spending the last few weeks unable to even to look at him.

She stepped around Sirius sitting on the steps quietly, looking more morose than usual. The Weasley children filled in with somber faces: red irritated eyes and watery frowns. A majority shuttled passed her going down the hallway while a black-haired boy kept his distance, almost guiltily walking in Sirius’s arms.

“It’s good to see you Harry.” Sirius whispered. Hugging his godson tightly, Harry on the other hand halfheartedly returned the gesture.

“I shouldn’t be here, not when-” Sirius backed a bit to look at the young boy’s face as his sentence trailed off. His green eyes wouldn’t reach the concern grey eyes of his godfather, but Janelle could see. His eyes were swirling with culpability and shame, his face hardened with grief. She couldn’t help to wonder why he felt so poor. Perhaps he felt misplaced, and outsider looking in on a terrible, private moment of another family. The young boy shouldn’t feel like a stranger here, unlike her, she didn’t know this family, but he did. It was obvious their love for him, otherwise all the side glances and smiles she caught the family giving him over the last few months would of never happen.

“You’re here with me as well. Don’t worry so much Harry, we’ll have a grand Christmas together. Just us if you like.” Harry smiled, comforted by Sirius’s offer. He nodded, which enticed Sirius to give him a wolfish grin in return. He slung his arm around Harry’s shoulder, corral him towards the others in the kitchen. Sirius stopped quickly beside Janelle sitting on the stairs, surprising her as she tried not to look like she had been spying on their conversation.

The younger boy stared daggers at her as if she purposely intruded on the two conversing. “You’re welcomed to join the living, dear sister.” Harry was aghast at Sirius’s declaration. Janelle rolled her eyes at his pettiness. She waved them off. He shrugged, leading Harry farther down the hall. “Suit yourself.” She couldn’t help but wonder how an innocent boy bare such weight on his shoulders.

———————————-

(Current: End of April 1996)

Her body was almost wax, maybe, not that exactly, but it was the best she had felt in a while. No nightmares, mild aches, but expected aches, and somehow a soothing contentment. Maybe she had been slipped a draught?

“A correct assumption.” She had been slightly surprised by the unannounced guest in her cell, but her actions didn’t relay it. Her movement towards the ominous dark lord were lax and fluid, like she hadn’t been startled at all. Her confusion burned on the depths of her uninhibited mind. Why was he here? Why did she need to be coax into a comfortable state? Was he here to take advantage of her again?

“Personally, l like a well fed woman. But you will do.” Janelle turned her head, trying to look away from him. She must have nodded off, thus not hearing him approach her. The Dark Lord, only smiled at her avoidance. He began to toy with her hair, pausing hearing her mutter. “Speak louder Lady Black.” Janelle turned towards her former master, her current tormentor.

“Well fed? Who knew the Dark Lord fancied a thicker lass.” Janelle jested, even though she possibly could foresee it being the last thing she could very well ever said. To her horror, he neither narrowed his eyes nor gave her reprieve of the situation. No, his pale lips burst with laughter. He was laughing at her? He patted the side of her confused face as he paced in front of her.

“Yes, yes the wild card Janelle is still there. The one that spoke out of turn in hope of impressing her master. Humoring him so.”

“I-I don’t understand.” She admitted, his eyes danced with amusement. This wasn’t the response she had hoped for. A quick death or a curse to render her unconscious, but not comedic accolades.

“Let me clarify,” he pulled her up, forcing her to stand on her weakened legs. “Well fed also indicates a steady income, a stable home. No worries about finding your next meal, and having a little extra baggage to heat yourself against the frigid weather.” Janelle was trying to piece together what he had explained.

“A shapely woman because-”

“Because they had everything that I did not!” He snarled, holding her painfully close. She was trying to rationalize what he meant, had…had he been jealous? He was attracted towards the very people he envied? She had never thought of it that way, she only had to consider what marriage would serve her a better dowry and possible physical attraction.

“I know nothing of your upbringing.” She simply stated. She had no way to continue on his train of thought. All she could infer was that he had grown up shamelessly in poverty unlike her. She couldn’t relate.

“Of course. Little do. As I grew older, I found the very ones that captured my interest envy me back.” He pivoted back and forth, keeping them in a rhythm that only he could follow. She kept dragging her tired feet. “Starving and frequent beatings apparently meant a wealth of beauty. Never having to worry about the frivolous comforts, but rather the idea that being thin is attractive. Not magic, not skill set, but pure social vanity. Once I had discovered the face value of appearances, it only got easier to manipulate people into what I needed. No need to rely on the fear of threats, or money, people will bend over backwards for ones they find handsome. The irony in it all.”

Janelle pondered what he said, but still tripped over the idea that he had once been handsome. She had always seen him for the monster he is, and avoid any anger he may have had. “Now, now,” he chided, spinning her in such a way, she inadvertently clutched to him for support, “I believe we were having a pleasant conversation. Which is it, Janelle?”

“I don’t understand.” She shook her head, staring into his dark eyes.

“And here, I thought you vying for something other than physical attention,” she shivered uncontrollably, as he smirked down at her. He pressed her head against his skeleton like chest, flipping her messy hair over her shoulder. To address her, almost as a lover would. In an intimate embrace, whispering into her ear. He chuckled, which she certainly confirms that it wasn’t going to be sweet nothings. “To hinder my anger, you could tempt with an offer of information.”

“Information?” She whispered, clearly still in a daze. “What information could I possibly have that you already don’t?”

“Actual experience. You have firsthand knowledge that I wish to possess. There is a grave difference between seeing events unfold versus undergoing the events. Tell me what I want to know.”

“Of who?” Catching slightly was what he was referring to. She could hear the intake of air into his hollow chest as he stayed silent for a few moments. Her heart was pounding from anxiety, wondering desperately what answers he sought.

“Potter.” He snarled. “I want to know what that boy holds dear.”

“Sirius.” She whispers with little hesitation. “Sirius is important to the boy.”

———————————-

(Past: December 24th 1995)

“Stop.” She first commanded in a pseudo serious tone. The second occurrence had her laughing out her demand, “Stop already before I hex you.” Sirius released her from the shameful dance he had dragged her into, and he began dressing the elf heads on the wall with hats and beards. She giggled at the absurdity of it all. Sirius was in an extremely good mood to boot. The only thing Janelle could determine it was the appending holidays and a house full of people.

This had probably been the first year…in many, or ever that he had gotten to spend it with people he cared about. Even in the few memories of her childhood she couldn’t remember him being this happy really for anything. It pleased her in a way it shouldn’t. He still had lied to her, but his cheer was hard to ignore when he exuded it from every pore of his being. Of all the people that could have been immune, his godson spent a large portion of time avoiding others, looking downtrodden. He tried speaking to the boy on occasion, trying to spite the Christmas spirit out of him. Sirius danced across the hall sliding down the banter like a child drunk on a sugar high.

A lone door croak open and the young boy, grim as could be watching Sirius disappear. Janelle briefly waved, for the boy to stare back unsure of her. Lack of response, she knew that was to be expected. The small wave given in return, now that was surprising. He hid back in his room, as another door threw itself open. The bushy haired girl and redheads were laughing as they stomped down the stairs. She eyed the boy’s door before returning to her own room. She figured it wouldn’t be long before she was sought out.

A quiet knock about twenty minutes later had proven her right.

“Come in.” She announced. The boy awkwardly shuffled into her room. A bit apprehensive to get too close to her. She waited for him to speak.

“They talk about you.” He whispered quietly, trying to avoid her stare.

“What do you mean by that Harry?” She moved to sit on her leg, offering him to join her on the loveseat. He shook his head, refusing politely. He continued to lightly dust his fingers across the old relics across the room. He was very uncomfortable to talk to her and she hadn’t the slightest clue as to why.

“The others. Sirius. Order members. Snape. Him.” She laughed.

“You have the Dark Lord ready at your beck and call to discuss little ol’ me. I’m flattered Harry, but this is most we have ever spoken to each other. I’m much too old for you to be developin-”

“Don’t dismiss me. This isn’t funny.” He barked at her, she gasped. “I need to know.” The boy was ballsy when he wanted something. She would oblige his in hope to sate her inner curiosity.

“Need to know what?”

“Are you like Sirius, or Bellatrix?” Now that question had thrown her for a loop. She crossed her arms, a little perturbed by the question itself. Did she know she was…who she is?

“I suppose, a little of both. I don’t really know.” She decided to answer truthfully for once. She didn’t really know who she was, in past and present. And certainly, the future really frightened her in that prospect.

“Sirius seems at ease with you. Who are you to him?” Of course, he kept her a secret from the boy. She didn’t understand why that seemed to sting so bad.

“Who are you to him? Certainly not his bastard child, are you?” She snapped back.

“My parents were murdered by Voldemort.” She flinched. It was almost instinct to fear that name. “Sirius is my godfather.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better my parents are dead too.” Harry blatantly ignored her spiteful response. Malfoy had thrown his dead parents back in his face plenty of times. He was better than that to pick a fight with an unknown woman, a woman apparently that Sirius trusted to an extent. He posed his question again. She sighed, relenting to him finally. “A sister of sorts.”

“Liar.” She raised her eyebrow in mocked interest. “The Black tree doesn’t show of any sisters.”

“Wives, idiot boy. Of course, I’m not blood. I married into the Black family.” She chuckled, “Although, I was always more welcomed in the family than Sirius ever was. Even as little girl.”

“So, you were a Deatheater? Like Snape?” He spat out Severus’s name with such distain and venom. His self-righteous anger almost mimicked Sirius’s feelings towards the other man.

“I can’t say whether I turned spy. But-”

“If you never betrayed them, how are you allowed here?” Harry asked in a confused and hurried panic. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Apparently, I’m here to alleviate the stresses of the men. I’m either their wallflower, doormat or a teenage boy’s misplaced fantasy. Take your pick.” She really knew how to push the buttons of those closest to her.

“I’ve fought him before. I wouldn’t taunt me.” She smirked, the boy was lashing back at her.

“Hasn’t anyone told you?” She stood, her backbone straight, nearing peering face to face in the boy’s eyes. “If you’re going to threaten someone, you better have meant it.” The boy backed away, avoiding her gaze ashamed. “Now if you’re done trying to prove whatever it is, I would like to be left alone.” She dismissed him. He obeyed what she asked, turning from her to leave.

“Have you been possessed by him before?” She was very uncomfortable now, how did a fourteen-year-old boy turn the tables on her? She began fiddling with her hair, a nervous tick.

“I don’t believe so. But possession isn’t too hard. You must want it. Just as any unforgivable works. You must want to control every aspect of a person.” At least that is what Regulus’s memories had told her.

“In their dreams?”

“Manipulate, yes. Possession, no.” The boy let out a sigh, which she couldn’t decipher whether it was annoyance or relief. He quickly headed for the door, only to pause for a moment.

“Don’t go to the homecoming. Because if you’re wrong you-” he released a large breath, “-you’ll regret it.”

————————————–

(Current: End of April 1996)

He was very pleased by her information. Enough so, to let her please herself. He was going to allow her this luxury, just this once. He watched she feverish played with her wet sex. She laid on her stomach, which meant her arse was lifted slightly in the air. He was witnessed to her pulsing and withering under only her touch. She knew her body well.

He smirked, she knew more than she had originally lead him to believe. The godfather was the key to getting the boy to listen to his command. He had explained to him the importance of relationship between the boy and his surrogate father. And now, Voldemort would use this to his advantage. He would begin to toy with boy’s thoughts as soon as he had perfected it.

First, he would have to test the convincability of these visions on another that was close to dear Sirius Black. He turned his attention back towards the throbbing girl. He had yet to intervene, and she was close to reaching climax. That was something he would not allow. He swatted her hands, making her grunt with frustration. The resounding slap of skin had her biting her knuckles in heated desire. Her bottom was now raw, and her dripping arousal had been so close to be sated. She mewled when she felt his long fingers trace her.

“Move back and forth.” He coaxed, as his digits slid into her warmth. She moaned upon contact. He smirked, feeling the arousal that burned her. Her slick walls clamped on the ends of his fingers, as she slowly pulled forward. His tips rimmed her entrance before she quickly slammed down on them again, taking down to the knuckles this time. Greedy, she was. Terribly impatient for relief. He would allow her to set her own pace, to ride his fingers in a way that she could without total interference.

Pure bliss for the moment, a moment she wouldn’t remember. He smirked at the true sadist he was. Her current reprieve, her current pleasure, was all thanks to a combination of potions he had Severus brew. For now, she would enjoy her fun, but soon he will enjoy his for payment of the moments she wouldn’t remember.

—————————————-

“Good morning Janelle.” She turned from her paper to glare at him.

“Is there a reason you’re bothering me this early? I’ve barely had my toast, I don’t I can stomach you and my breakfast at the same time.” Sirius snorted, reaching over her to get at the teapot. She hissed in annoyance, now he was stealing all her freshly brewed tea.

“I’ll steal whatever I please Janelle.” He stated in such a nonchalant manner, she could hardly believe it.

“What did you just say?” She quickly asked as he sipped from his own cup.

“Nothing. Losing your mind already?” He grinned, while she scowled. She probably would if she had to spend the rest of her life stuck here with him.

The Dark lord smiled, watching Janelle twitch and pant in her ‘state’. Bella cackled circling the dazed girl, while Narcissa and Lucius stood back silently observing what their master wanted to show them.

“Input, anyone?” Lucius gulped taking a step further to examine Janelle better. If he hadn’t known any better he would have thought she was having a nightmare.

“What is she seeing my lord?” Narcissa tried hard not to shiver when the Dark lord addressed her husband with unabashed excitement.

“Cousin Black,” he leaned closer to Lucius, “In a way that she certainly wouldn’t remember him.” He stated in a morbid glee. Narcissa finally understood what happen that day in the tub. He was testing her, testing to see if she could pick between her ideas and memories of Sirius with his own version. 

[vizkopa]

Celestial (FallenAngel!Doflamingo x Reader) CHAPTER 3

Chapter 3: Heavenly Demon ~

“Is this really necessary?” God, you could easily get lost in those impossible blue eyes. Well, you could have if they weren’t currently regarding you with such blatant contempt. Maybe it was because, at present, you had the man those eyes belonged to bound to a chair in your kitchen. Oh, I am definitely going to hell for this… “For my peace of mind, yes,” you sighed, checking the ropes for the third time. He flexed his wrists and the knots groaned ominously, but didn’t break. You nodded in satisfaction, silently thanking your father for all the camping trips he had taken you on all those years ago. He’d make you tie the knots over and over until you got them right, testing you every chance he got. “You never know when a well tied knot will come in handy! he’d said. You bet he never had this in mind. “If I was at full power, you would be paying for this,” the angel hissed.

“Why, what happened to your power?” It was a genuine question, but his face looked as if you had just insulted him, his mother and his cat. He clenched his jaw shut, the vein in his forehead throbbing formidably. You drew a deep breath. “Fine, let’s try another question. Who the hell are you?” He hesitated for a moment, but then his eyes drifted to the handgun on the table and he relented. “My name is Dophiel, also called Jophiel, Iofiel and Zophiel.” You waited for a moment before realising he wasn’t going to elaborate. Were those names supposed to mean something to you? “Ohhh-kay, Doffy then, what are you?” He glared at you. “An angel.” “As in… fluffy wings, halo, the whole shebang?” “The whole shebang,” he said with a deadpan look and a perfect monotone. “So, where are your wings now?” He ground his teeth. “They took them from me,” he hissed. “‘They’ meaning…?” “My father and brothers.” “Why?” It was such a simple question, but you already knew the answer would be far more complicated than you could ever anticipate. “Because that’s what they do to angels who rebel against the word of God.” For some reason, it was that word that did it. ‘God’. A word that had no place in the vocabulary of a woman of science such as yourself. You sat down heavily in a chair opposite him and let out a long, low whistle. This was too much all at once, but your inquisitive mind would not allow you to give up now. You closed your eyes for a moment and focused on your breathing, forcing it back to a slow and even rhythm. It was a trick you often used when you found yourself overwhelmed. Your eyes snapped open and immediately you were back to your cool, calm and inquisitive self. “Why did you rebel?” You felt a small swell of pride when your voice didn’t quaver. “That’s not important. Is this interrogation over?” You still had a million questions swirling around in your head you wanted to ask him. His answers had only brought more. You held up a hand. “Wait a second, let me try to get my head around this. You disobeyed your father, God, and he took you wings and your powers and kicked you out of Heaven?” you said, counting off the points on your fingers. He simply nodded. “I thought ‘God’ was supposed to be forgiving?” “Maybe when it comes to humans, his favourite children.” His voice was low and bitter. “But we angels were designed to obey. To him, we are soldiers first and children second.” “That’s harsh.” “I don’t want your sympathy,” he snapped. You had almost been moved by his story, but now, your expression hardened. “I wasn’t offering it. If you ask me, I can see why he wanted you gone. You have absolutely no bedside manner.” Another glare. He sure doled out a lot of those. “So, are you stuck here?” “I can’t return to heaven on my own, no. Not without my wings,” he admitted grudgingly. “Can you get them back?” “It depends.” On what exactly, he didn’t seem to feel obliged to share. “Then what now? As much as I like you tied up where you can’t hurt anyone, I can’t keep you in here forever. I have work and—” You paused, a sudden thought entering your mind. “Do angels need to eat? Pee? If I do leave you here, you won’t starve to death or anything?” “I don’t know yet, this is the first time I’ve held a corporeal form for this long,” he growled. “Wait, you mean up there,” you gestured vaguely to the ceiling, “you’re, like, a ghost or something?” “You do not possess the capability to comprehend my true form. Simply gazing upon it would render you blind, deaf and most likely dead.” You stared at him for a long moment. Surely, he was joking? “Good to know,” you choked. “No ‘gazing upon your true form’, got it. So… if I let you go, what are you going to do?” “There’s nothing I can do but wait. They will send someone to negotiate eventually. I must be here when they do.” “You can’t mean…” Your heart sank. “No. No way, you are not staying here!” “If I had any other choice, I would take it, but I don’t,” he shot back. “I’ll stay in the forest. You can pretend I don’t exist and go about your pitiful life.” “And you expect me to just return to normal after a real, honest-to-God angel crash landed in my backyard and challenged everything I believe in?” “I’m being quite generous, really.” You scoffed. “What, because you decided not to kill me? Well, aren’t you just the perfect picture of benevolence.” “And I’m sure you’re the perfect example of that human compassion I’ve heard so much about.” Oh good. The angel knows how to use sarcasm now. Stop teaching him bad habits, [Name]! “Now, are you going to release me?” He said it through his teeth, his patience finally worn thin. You stared each other down for a few long seconds. You still had so many questions. But perhaps it was for the best that you didn’t delve any further into this world. You were afraid you might lose yourself. Or worse. You let out a sigh. “Fine. But I don’t want to see you near here again.” “You have my word.” His voice was so cruel. You found it hard to believe this man came from Heaven. Just about the only thing holy about him was his body, which you knew would be sticking around in your thoughts and dreams for a long time yet. You gingerly loosened the knots and stepped as far back as you could get as he got to his feet. He glared down at you, his form hulking, towering over you. He could destroy you as easily as a child crushes an ant, powers or no. And he wanted you to know that. It was in the wicked glint of his eyes, the cruel curve of his lips. Even the way he rubbed his wrists, red and raw from the ropes, was menacing somehow. You’d sooner believe he was a demon rather than an angel. Your fingers hovered over the grip of the pistol on the table, caressing the smooth lacquered walnut. He was probably faster than you. You would probably be dead before your fingers could even close around the grip, let alone pull the trigger. But he didn’t seem to want to take that chance. With one last glance, he turned on his heel and stormed out the back door, leaving it hanging open in his wake, and you to wonder whether installing a deadbolt would be enough to keep out a demon from Heaven. It stormed that night—wild and cacophonous and torrential. The thunder shook the very foundations of the house and the lightning cracked so close overhead it sounded like a giant was hammering at your roof. You sat huddled in front of your laptop in your darkened office, feverishly consuming anything you could find on angels and other celestial beings. You read of the fall of Lucifer from Heaven, and of the Watchers who rebelled against God to take human women as wives and lovers, and of the children they begat, the Nephilim—the ‘fallen ones’—giants who wandered the Earth thousands of years ago. The Watchers, or Grigori as they were known, were described as ‘soldiers of human appearance, their size being greater than that of great giants’. You thought of when you had first laid eyes on the angel—Dophiel, he had called himself—and he had seemed to shrink before your very eyes. You thought of the size of the crater, the smouldering clearing in the forest. He had to have been a titan to have caused such destruction, such ruin. You exhaled, a long, low rush of air that had been stagnating in your lungs while you read. Is this what he was? One of these… Grigori? Or was he something else entirely? Worrying your lip between your teeth, you typed ‘Dophiel’ into the search engine. No results. Frowning to yourself, you tried to recall the other names he had listed. You made a small edit and instead searched for ‘Jophiel’. This time, a list of pages pinged into existence and you selected the first link. ‘The angel Jophiel (Hebrew: "beauty of God" or "divine beauty") is the archangel of wisdom, understanding, and judgement.’ You scoffed. “Yeah, he was real understanding earlier,” you muttered under your breath. ‘He is listed as one of the Seven Archangels, and a Great Angel Chief who leads 53 legions of Heaven’s army.’ Thunder boomed overhead, but you ignored it, frowning at the screen as you continued to read. ‘Jophiel is believed by some to be the angel who cast Adam and Eve out of Paradise—’ Your reading was interrupted by another clap of lightning and a flash of blue sparks as your screen went blank and all the lights in the house fell dark. You swore. That last bolt of lightning must have knocked out the electricity, but not before it had fried your laptop in the process. You swore again. Scrambling for your phone in the darkness, you switched on the flashlight and examined the power pack. Dead. Useless. You silently thanked God for cloud storage and then laughed at yourself because suddenly the concept of ‘thanking God’ now seemed inexplicably funny to you. You stumbled through the dark house, suddenly very aware of how loud your own breathing was without the hum of the refrigerator in the background. Slipping out into the garage that adjoined the kitchen, you searched for the breaker panel, the harsh blue light of your phone sliding over the multitude of boxes piled against the walls. The storm was much louder in the acoustic space, rain hammering at the rolling door and the cold wind whistling ominously as it crept its way through the crack beneath the door to nip at your bare ankles. You flicked the circuit breaker switch impatiently but to no success. You sighed heavily. You had a long, dark night ahead of you. And no computer to keep you company. You thought about the fallen angel, deep in the forest in the wind and the rain and the dark, and you felt a stab of sympathy. It was the briefest thing, barely a flicker, but it was there. You shook yourself before you could get caught in the feeling and decided it would be best to simply turn in for the night. But sleep was a fickle creature, and you were left tossing and turning as the storm raged outside, your thoughts always turning to the angel with the impossible blue eyes. And, finally, just as sleep began to claim you, you could have sworn you heard a voice in the thunder. You woke the next morning to clear skies and sunshine, and wonderful, glorious working electricity. You happily poured yourself a steaming mug of coffee, and sat by the window, looking out into the garden. The forest appeared significantly more ruffled after the storm, but the dark trees seemed unperturbed, silent and unmoving in the still morning air. You wondered if the angel was still out there, waiting in the cold shadow of the woods, waiting to go home. Absently, you wondered if he was hungry. You shook your head. Pfft, what do you care? you asked yourself. The guy was a jerk. If he gets hungry, he can eat grass. Nodding resolutely to yourself, you finished your coffee and went to examine the damage to your laptop. With any luck, it was just the battery that was fried, but you couldn’t know for sure until you took it in to the repair shop. You’d drop it off on your way to work and you would just have to access the day’s lesson plans and worksheets from one of the school computers. You sighed. It would probably take a few days to fix at least. So much for your little research project. Your mind was still reeling from everything you had read the night before and so many questions still burned to be answered. Perhaps you could head into work early and pick up some new reading material. The school was unnaturally quiet when you arrived, the staff parking lot almost empty of cars and the corridors silent. You knew it was still early, but you had expected a little more bustle and noise considering finals week was fast approaching. You shrugged. Maybe everyone just had a bad case of ‘Mondayitis’ this morning. You were relieved to see Robin at her usual spot behind the desk in the library. The empty halls and offices were beginning to unnerve you. She looked up from processing returns at the sound of the door swinging open, and frowned slightly as you entered. “[Name]? What are you doing here?” “Oh, I just thought I’d come in before class today to pick up some new books.” “There’s no class today.” “What do you mean? It’s Monday, isn’t it?” Horror dawned on your face. “Oh God.” You kept using that word. “Please tell me I didn’t come into work on a Sunday.” “No, not at all,” she chuckled, bringing a delicate hand to her face to hide her mouth. “Did you forget it was Spring Break, [Name]?” You froze. Well, that would explain why it’s so quiet… Only the library would be open to students for the next week. “…Must have slipped my mind.” She chuckled again. “Busy weekend?” “You have no idea.” “It wouldn’t have something to do with a certain human biology teacher now, would it?” “What? No!” you sputtered, well aware that a deep red blush was rising in your cheeks. “You didn’t call him did you.” You rubbed the back of your head and gave her a sheepish smile. “I may have, uh, forgotten… Nami is going to kill me, isn’t she?” Robin made a zipping motion over her lips. “I won’t tell if you don’t. But you know she’ll find out eventually.” You sighed. “I know. I just… Something’s come up. I don’t have time for dating right now.” “Another meteor shower that needs your attention?” “You could say that.” You wished she’d stop looking at you like that. Like she could see right through you. “Right,” she said, a hint of an amused smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “So what did you need? It must be important if you had to come in on a holiday.” Until then you had momentarily forgotten what you were there for. “Oh. Right. I need as many books on angels as you can give me.” Robin raised an eyebrow. “Any special reason?” “Hey, I have interests besides space, you know.” “Since when?” Since I witnessed a man fall from the sky, you wanted to say. But you didn’t much fancy being on the receiving end of Robin’s interrogation tactics. She was crafty in ways you couldn’t even imagine. You’d be blurting out your deepest darkest secrets before you even knew what was happening, and all the while she would simply watch with that infuriating smile on her face. Thankfully, you were just as skilled at avoiding her tactics as she was at employing them. The benefits of being co-workers for so long, and friends ever longer. “Since my parents…” Her face broke in an instant and suddenly she looked ashamed. “Oh, I’m so sorry [Name]. Of course. Lots of people turn to religion after the loss of a loved one.” You hadn’t, but if it got Robin off your back then, as far as she knew, you were practically devout. “Religious texts are in Non-Fiction, top shelf, last row.” “Thanks, Robin.” You pulled out a selection of books that looked promising, and threw in an old and worn copy of the Bible for good measure, before taking the pile to the front desk for scanning. Robin raised her eyebrow slightly at the selection you presented her, but chose to say nothing. When she’d finished, she waved goodbye and, though you thought you had dispelled her suspicion over your behaviour, you swear you could feel her eyes on the back of your head until the library doors closed with a click behind you. You let out a breath, clutching the pile of books tightly to your chest. You’d give anything to be able to just let this all go, to go back to your life, go on dates with Law the cute biology teacher and forget that there was a whole other world just beyond the fabric of your own. But now the illusion had been shattered, you were finding it hard to pick up the pieces. Now that your eyes had been opened, you only wanted to see more, to know more, to find the logic in it all. And now you had a week to do just that. Free time was the most dangerous thing of all to an inquisitive mind. If you really were serious about this, if you were ready to dive right in you had to be ready for the possibility that there would be no turning back. Were you ready to take that plunge?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

[autumnpawtribe]

Loa Bound - Family Reunion

It was a small family reunion.  

Once Jack got his letter, he was there within three days.  He brought Kit with him.  Somehow Hari came, not bringing Ki'la nor her ward En'ca, nor her mate.  The next day two women that few had seen in years also came, followed by an orcish looking man, as thin as a troll, but a green orc in all other looks.  He held hands with a pandaren, hands grasping as the two older males followed the two obvious sisters.  Jura came with a male troll with bright yellow hair.  Pahre welcomed them all to stay with her as Aret, Vol and Venya set up as much as they could as all of them showed within hours of each other.  Venya made sure to send everyone on a two day vacation, full pay.  

"Don't need anyone going fuckin' missing..." 

Vol was feeding Tarja as breakfast was being made out in the open air.  

As Xiao watched everyone arriving, he made sure to keep close to his mates, murmuring to either Vol’raka or Venyabi, depending on which one wasn’t occupied and how good Vol was feeling.

“Who are all of these people? You only sent three letters…”

He didn’t seem surprised, more so just looking for clarification on who each person was.

“Old guy, same coloring as Vol, That’s Jack.  Seems he might talk while he’s here.  You know Kit.”  Venya was making copious amounts of eggs, those from chickens, as Aret worked on what looked like bacon.  It was not bacon.  “And Hari.  I told you she was pregnant and huge.  The red haired woman.. The one in leather.  That is Tavisi.  You won't hear a peep from her.  The Dark haired woman, the one missing an eye.  That’s Nazui.  Remember what I told you about her?  Drash is the orcish one with his husband Bronthro.   They rarely come out of Dalaran.  Drash is a teacher.  I hope to Gonk you know Jura, and the gold haired guy, that is Tsal.  Blue Tauren, pacifist.” “I remember Tsal from the naming.  He’s nice.”  Vol had really knocked down Aret’s dosage, the youngest of the four not as silly the last few days.  “Are your other brother and sister coming?”   “You won't see those two ten miles from Vol or any of you.  They don’t like mons who like mons…  bigoted fucks.”  Hari had waddled over, taking a peice of ‘bacon’.  “Oh I love you Aret.  You made Dwarf.  Wait no…”  She sniffed it. “AUNTIE NAZUI!  BLOOD TROLL!  Which one of you bagged a blood troll?!” Vol pointed his spoon at Xiao.  “All him.  I was fucking Aret.”  He scrapped out a little more pureed something orange, most likely mango.  “Bwonsamdi seems to like him a lot.”  He proceeded then to have a tiny fight with his daughter who did not want to do anything with mango apparently.  “C’mon Tarja.  You ate most of it..”  

Xiao listened and nodded, smiling at the mentions of Jura, eyeing him warmly as he thought back on some memories. He shook himself of it when Hari came over, Xiao trying not to tense up. When she mentioned making dwarf and then so cheerfully shouted about the blood trol linstead, the poor Pandaren paled and his ears pinned back. It was when Vol pointed at him with his spoon that he offered a meek smile and an almost guilty wave over at the cannibalistic woman. 

“She… was causing problems. I offered her to Bwonsamdi. I was not expecting him to make an appearance again.”

Well the cat was out of the bag on that one, his usage of ‘again’ giving away that this wasn’t a one-time occurrence. 

“Again?”  Kit came up, smiling as she came with her sisters.  “Ja have seen our Loa more den once?”  The Farseer smiled, looking very proud.  “A good kill then, nephew.  Since ja mates not introduced em ta Ja and ja lovely Janaret…  Dis be Tavisi.”  The red head nodded.  “And Nazui.”  She switched to Zandali for a bit.   He’s not dinner, Nazzie.  He’s your nephew soon.”  

Nazui just nodded, still appraising the pandaren as dinner before Jack came to sit next to Xiao.  If Xiao looked up at him he would see his lover, if he was fifty years older.  

“No, Nazui.”  The woman fumed, huffed and stomped back to sit with Jura, Drash and Tsal.  She actually seemed to pout.

“Never alone with Nazui.”

“I like Auntie Nazzie.”  Hari stole another piece of troll before speaking again.  “But she taught me all I know.  Breakfast ready soon?”

Vol nodded, looking at a pot with noodles and vegetables.  “I don’t think Xiao and Bron are partaking in the troll, so as soon as the noodles and stir fry are done, yeah.  Xiao love, can you start that.  I’m not making you eat it.”

Xiao blushed a little at Kit’s praise, offering her a smile, the woman always a comforting presence to him. When Jack came to sit down, Xiao couldn’t help but stare, his gaze something between curious, surprised, and perhaps even a little lustful. A mature daddy version of Vol? He would have to remember to keep himself in check as he cleared his throat and forced himself to tear his gaze away. It was when Vol asked him to go cook that he nodded and stood up.

“Of course, Lok’dim.” He murmured with love as he leaned in to kiss the Darkspear gently on the cheek and nuzzled his forehead against his. “Love you.” He whispered before heading over to go about preparing the requested food for those who didn’t eat other people.

Vol put a hand out, grabbing him gently by the wrist.  He pressed a kiss back to Xiao’s with a smile.  “Love you too.”  He let go when Tarja made a noise, loud and waving her arms loudly.  

“BA! BA!  BA!!!!”  She made grabby hands as Vol, Aret and Venya stared at their daughter.   “BA!”

“Whelp..  First word at a family gathering to find out about blood magic… Congratulations Xiao.”  Venya laughed loudly as he kept cracking eggs, Jack starting to help.  

The  Pandaren farseer kept watching over at them, smiling.  Drash turned and looked to, grinning at his nephews and the very happy yammering baby.

Xiao froze in his tracks as Tarja called out, at first thinking it was in the link until he realized it was quite clearly loud yelling little girl right behind him. He spun around and reached down to scoop her up, grinning and nuzzling his furry little face against her.

“Hello my little darling, your Ba is right here…” He murmured so happily down at her, kissing her forehead gently as he swayed back and forth.

“Tarja’s rule, I am off food duty. Someone else will have to do it.” He said with a playful grin as he cradled their adorably clingy daughter.

“If you will permit me, Xiao Chun, I believe I am well versed in our cuisine.  May we speak?”  The older pandaren came forward, his leather clothing modest as pandaren tended to be, a stark contrast to the amount of clothing that the trolls wore.  He gave a small bow, a little stiff, but his hands were knotted with arthritis and it seemed it pained him to walk.  “I may seem old, but I can whip up a simple stir fry.  Drash’nar says that my cooking is still very good.”  He picked up the pot and pan for their breakfast, gave a smile to his own orcish mate and walked to where another little fire pit was a few paces away.

“I do ask your forgiveness, it has been a long while since I have been home.  I have been with my husband in Dalaran for a very long time.  It was a blessing to hear that there was a family gathering that would allow me to return home even for a time.”  The shaman set down the things he carried, sat on his bottom and started a fire with a flick of his wrist.  “It is also nice to speak Pandaren.  I do love my Drash, but Orcish tongues do not agree with pandaren words and he trips a bit in his pronunciation.”  He gave a smile to Tarja who was tugging on Xiao’s beard.  “A beautiful girl.  May the celestials bless you with many more, I am sure that the Jade Serpent will guide you well.”  He teased the fire so that the image of the four celestials danced for a bare moment.  “Now, before the family festivities begin, I heard this is about blood magic.  This is true?”

Xiao smiled and nodded as he listened and followed behind the older Pandaren. 

“I did not know Vol’raka had any Pandaren in his family. I knew he had a touch of Orc, but I was utterly unaware of you and Drash’nar. It is nice to know I have another of my own to turn to if I have questions about all of the rituals.” 

He chuckled a little as he watched the fire play out the images of the celestials ever so briefly. When he asked about the blood magic, his expression faltered a bit and he nodded more subtly. 

“Unfortunately, yes. We discovered a little family revelation recently regarding one of the original matriarchs of the family. I am still a tad foggy on it all, but hopefully today will clear it up.”

Being able to speak in his native tongue was nice, it allowed him to be more eloquent, though his Zandalari was starting to get up there slowly but surely.

"I believe Kit'raka and Nazui will know most.  Perhaps Jocamo.  And I am not surprised that you do not know of me.  My Drash'nar and I are not much for the company of the family.  We tend to keep to ourselves in our old age.  When he heard from his sister that Vol'raka was exhibiting the same, shall we say symptoms, he insisted we come to the discussions.  Azu's experiments were not unknown to me."

Xiao’s brows rose a bit in surprise. “So you know it was his grandmother. This is all new to me, all I know is that... “ He paused, shaking his head. “None of it seems to bode well. Anything that makes him this sick cannot be good.” He stopped to smile lightly as Tarja began to babble and tug on Xiao’s beard, cuddling up on it and demanding affection from her fuzzy Ba even if he was talking.

"I believe it is sickness, not due to the fact that the beast lives in him.  It is more the shock and fight.  Drash took a few years to gain full control, but his beast is not compatible with his personality.  My love is a gentle soul and he was, forgive the term, blessed or cursed with the life of a wind serpent.  Chaos in the face of one who is very orderly, enjoys sorting, fastidious in his daily routine, is very difficult.  He was ill for a long time.   I am a healer among our people.  I tried many things, believed he was dying.   One day he was delirious, not eaten in days.  It was then he told me of the wind serpent, his is named Stormwing.  I have found that they all take their own names.  I believe Jocamo also has control of his raptor.  I do not remember his name, however."

Xiao nodded as he listened. “Vol’s is Raptorblood. A raptari was able to-... oh right you are not a troll!” He sounded rather excited at the prospect. “You do not have to observe the whole… ‘no speaking of the dead’ thing even if she is not dead. I… do not know how much you know of Naddja, but she was a raptari who lived with us. Some things happened, I will spare you the messy details, but she was the one who figured out what was going on with Vol, at least to a degree. I just… want him to be okay. Venya said his uncle Jack might have some information since he has a raptor too. I am hoping someone will be able to help at least.”

"I have not met any raptari, that I have known of.". He set to cooking as the trolls were gathering round the fire.  "We do not want to miss what is said.  It will also be privilege of ours to hear Jocamo speak. He has not uttered a word in thirty years, save for ritual magic.". Bronthro smiled, his gnarled hands still able to move the wok and pot quick enough.  "When Jack speaks, best to listen to the old one."

Xiao rose his brows in surprise now. “He talks that little…?” He asked curiously. “So… does he not communicate with the family or anyone? Is it non-verbal or does he keep to himself. I was hoping to talk to him maybe…” He trailed off, probably not doing a good job of hiding his thirsty Panda ass as he thought back to sexy daddy Vol in the form of Jack.

“Very little.  He is a calm man, subtle in his ways.  A decently powerful witchdoctor if my memory is still correct.  He is a man of few words since his mate died.  Far before my time, but my love has told me of it when I first met him.  Where Kit is his favorite Aunt, Jack was closest as Uncle.  I know the family secrets, as you do, seeing as you are tied to more than one brother.  Jocamo is a rare troll.  If you can get more than a few words, I would consider that a high honor.” 

“Xiao!  Ya two comin’ or not?”  

Venya was carrying a tray of Blood troll bacon, followed by Zakin and Pahre.  Vol and the others were already seating around the pinci tables they kept between the houses.  “Family meal time.”

Xiao listened, his eyes wandering over to Jack now as he tried his best not to stare. It was only Venya’s voice that really broke him of his staring as he blushed and nodding. “Of course, our food is just about done… I think?” He said the last two words quietly so only Bronthro could hear. “It smells delicious at least.”

Bron smiled.  "Almost.  You take your daughter and find a seat.". The orcish mage came close, nodding.  "I believe my assistance has arrived.". 

When and If Xiao moved, Vol would have a seat next to him, with Jack then Aret. Bron and Drash'nar handed over a large bowl of noodles, meat and Veg, Tarja going to sit in her Papa's lap.  Vol let her have a taste of the bacon, the girl making a face and reaching for her Ba's noodles.  After being told she was too little for noodles, she was given bananas to keep her quiet.  Everyone sat, ate quietly, small talk and catching up.  

Xiao's trolls helped clean up, leaving Xiao with Zakin and Tarja as magic from Drash'nar and grunt work from Jack, a stone circle was being created for the proper conversation.  

"Have you seen a ritual of this family, save for your child's naming, Xiao Chun?"

Xiao nodded at him. “Well thank you for making it, Tarja here seems too enamoured today to let me cook.” He chuckled lightly and moved to take Tarja over to sit with his mates… and that sexy mature version of Vol. The Celestials were not being kind to him today, teasing him with someone he just couldn’t keep from eyeballing constantly. He focused as best he could on lunch as he ate his meal, though he did cringe when they fed Tarja the blood troll meat, but he kept his mouth shut out respect for their culture. He seemed relieved when she didn’t like the taste, happy to give her a banana in place of it so he could go back to eating his own noodles.

When they finished, Xiao was happy to keep the children occupied, having Zakin actually sit in his lap while he cradled Tarja in his other arm. He’d found that apparently all Troll children liked the fuzziness of his fur, so he had become used to be cuddled by at least one at any given time when they had the opportunity. He was silently watching as the circle was being made, pulled from another daydream of sorts as he had unfocused his eyes after gazing off at Jack again for a small while before Bron called out to speak to him.

“Hm? Ah, no, I have not. The naming ceremony was my first glance into the culture, at least up close. I have not spent much time outside of Pandaria and most of it was spent in the Elven lands. Considering what I have learned of some of them, I am not sure whether to be grateful for the lack of experience or not.”

"It can be intimidating, even if you were raised with it.". Drash'nar came forward, a look of apprehension on his face.  "Bad things happen with Blood magic.  I do not know what will happen, but I agree with my father's people that it is a dark place.  My mother's….."

"Drashie, ja come help.". Kit wandered to her brother, smiling.  He shook his head making her slip into Zandalari.  "You are still bitter.  Let it go."

"None of us asked for this.". The orcish man was rattled, hand out to the circle and Nazui with a bag of blood being poured in a bowl.  "And mother's bullshit has almost killed people"

Bronthro lead the mage away, his face red as he began to get angry.  Kit shook her head, looking at Xiao.  Et best da lil ones not ere.  Ah talk ta da Pahre.  Da lil girl gonna watch h da children.   Not need da magic goin more wild den et be already." 

Xiao listened silently, nodding occasionally as he listened. He did not appear anymore at ease now that Drash had let his disapproval spill outward. He looked to Kit now, sighing lightly.

“Is there anything I can do to help? I cannot help but feel out of place, I am not sure what to do.”

“Ja, .. wait  ja speak Zandali now ja?”

 Xiao nodded in response, speaking her language now. “I speak it well enough. There are some more… ah…” He switched back to Orcish. “Niche…” then back to Zandalari. “Phrases that I don’t know, but for the most part I am fluent.”

“Good.”  She smiled, pointing to a log Jack and Tsal were setting up, Jura setting a fire, in the middle.  The one introduced as Tavisi sharpening a very sharp looking already, and  thin Dagger.  It was not worn, nor old but it had an ancientness to it.  “That is your chair.  You will have to stay put.  The children won't be here, I and hari can’t perform this one.  Too dangerous for anyone who can’t move fast.  I won't have to worry about you, and if Arie and Ven can’t move their ass, what kind of trolls are they, ya know.”  She thumbed at Nazui, her sister waving from right behind her.  If she did not look at Xiao like food, she would look almost childish as she moved.  Xiao would notice her collar having a high neckline, and a strange weezing.  

“I’m sure it will be fine.  VAHARI!”  

The pregnant warrior came in, chewing on left over not-really-bacon.  “If you are looking for the book, Jura took it.”  She indicated with her snack and pointed to the three druids making a sort of …. Fence? It looked like a tall fence at least.  It was at least as tall as Xiao, an opening, and had hard woods as posts and slats.  

Kit nodded turning back to Nazui.  "No Fel magic.  Only Mama's magic.  Got it?  No sacrificing any trolls or pandaren..."  Nazui made a sighing motion but nodded.  She skipped off, heading back to pick up the book while Kit turned her head back.  "Like dancing, Xiao?"  Kit nodded her head to the house where Vol was coming out in clothes he must have been hiding.  Venya was in near the same, Aret in his normal clothing.  Vol's was a wide collar with intricate beading in golds, greens and deep blues.  His kilt was leather and didn't do much but cover his bits.  Pahre was helping him adjust it, Venya's already around his neck, in the same clothing that his brother was but in colors that suited him more.  Jack nodded as he wandered past into the other house, Vol leaning down to kiss Xiao, Tarja ans Zakin on the head.  

"Take the little ones to Nielka.  They don't need to see their parents dancing naked."

[pride35]

I read my first Cassandra Clare book when I was 13 years old. I was awkward and shy and often preferred books to people. To be honest all of that is still true but what is no longer true is that I was scared and closeted. When I first read the Mortal Instruments I had no previous experience with anything queer. Reading Malec's story showed me that the things I was feeling weren't unnatural. In fact I came out to my mom by saying I was like Magnus Bane, a freewheeling bisexual. The Shadowhunter Chronicles changed my life. Below is a fanfiction I wrote years ago to show my love for the characters that changed my life.

I hope you enjoy!

                                                         *****

Alexander Lightwood had a guardian angel. The first time he saw him was when he was five years old, but it certainly wasn’t the last time.

                                                           ***

They weren’t supposed to be playing outside of the Institute. But Isabelle had wanted to go outside and Alec wasn’t good at saying no to his little sister. They were throwing a ball back and forth when Izzy got a little over excited and threw it way over Alec’s head and into the street. Seeing the tears about to leak out of his sister’s eyes Alec ran out of the gates and into the street to fetch the ball. It was only when he was in the middle of road did he hear the honking of the car horns and then all he could do was stare as the yellow taxi cab beared down on him when suddenly he was lifted out of harm’s way. He looked down in amazement at the streak of blue sparkly magic around his waist carefully lifting him out of the street and back onto the sidewalk. Once his feet reconnected with the ground he looked in amazement at the sparkly apparition in front of him. The man before him had light brown skin and hair set in glittery spikes that seems to defy gravity. “Are you my guardian angel?” Alec asked in awe.

The man, a warlock Alec guessed, looked at him incredulously. “You're a shadowhunter aren’t you?”

“Y-y-yes,” Alec stammered, staring wide eyed at his guardian angel.

“Well, running in the road, not smart,” said the warlock with a grin. “You ought to be more careful, little shadowhunter.” He sauntered off leaving Alec staring confusedly after him before his sister ran to him with scared tears streaming down his face as she gripped him tightly.

This was the first time Alexander Lightwood was saved by his guardian angel but it wasn’t the last.

                                                       ***

When the young shadowhunter was eight years old he went through a clumsy stage. So one day, while distracted by other things he was walking down a hallway in the institute when he ran headlong into someone coming out of the library. He was knocked backwards and was only saved by a caramel colored hand decorated with a ridiculous amount of rings wrapping around his arm and pulling him upright. When he looked up to apologize to the stranger he was shocked to see his savior from three years ago.

“Running into people now, are we?” the man said with a grin and a wink. “You know you ought to be more careful, little shadowhunter.” He left Alec standing there spluttering and confused.

                                                     ***

The third time Alec Lightwood saw his angel was four years later when he was twelve years old. He and his sibling were on their first solo `mission. Jace and Izzy had gone around the other way to corner the demon. Alec had elected to go alone because he was the oldest and most experienced. As he slunk around the corner of the building and into the alley he smelled sulfur and reacted quickly but not quickly enough as the demon pounced on him before he got his seraph blade all the way out. He heard its sticky voice in his ear whispering things about how he was going to die in horrible ways. He yelled for his siblings and heard their answering shouts but they were too far away to help. He groaned, he would not die here today, on his first real mission. But then suddenly the demon lifted off of him engulfed in blue sparks and exploded into dust.  Alec jumped up quickly in case there was a greater threat on the way, but instead all he saw was a tall slim man at the mouth of the alley.

“My apologies,” said the man with a grin. “One of my clients was quite irresponsible with the demon that I so nicely summoned for him, but you know, mundanes are gonna be mundanes...” At the exact same moment they seemed to recognize each other. It was Alec guardian angel. His angel saved him again. “Well, I must be going little shadowhunter,” said the warlock with a grin. He turned away and was about to go when he seemed to remember something. He turned back around with a grin, “Oh and one more thing, you really ought to be more careful.

                                                         ***

The next time Alexander saw his guardian angel was three years later when he was on a stake out in a subway station. He was glamoured but he wasn’t focused on the mission. He was far away imagining what life would be like if the shadowhunters were more inclined to accept people for who they really are, instead of expecting everyone to be perfect and angel chosen. It was in the middle of these thoughts that Alec felt a tap on his shoulder which was immediately strange because he was glamoured. He reached for a seraph blade before he even looked to see who it was. Whoever it was just laughed at this action before saying, “Relax little shadowhunter, I’m no demon.” Alec looked up to see his mysterious warlock standing beside him. He jumped up eliciting another laugh from his guardian angel. Alec frantically tried to look more professional.

In the back of his mind he thought, Why do you care what he thinks of you? But out loud he said, “W-w-what do you want from me?”

The warlock only laughed again and said, “Nothing, dear angel chosen, I just thought you should know that your glamour is slipping.” Alec gasped and looked down at his glamour rune that was indeed fading. He quickly pulled out his stele and redrew the rune. “Ah, much better,” said the warlock, “Now it looks like I’m talking to thin air.”

Alec wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or unglamour himself or what. So he ended up just looking at taller man and then looking away when the warlock raised an eyebrow as if to say, Yes?

The warlock cleared his throat and with a laugh in his voice intoned in a would be serious voice, “Well, Master Shadowhunter, I’ll see you around.” He was about to leave when with a twinkle in his gold green cat eyes he leaned in towards Alec and whispered in his ear, “Oh and the demon you're looking for, just got on the subway. I would schadtle after him if I were you.” With that he leaned back and turned around calling after him, “You really ought to be more careful little shadowhunter.” Alec stared after him for a moment before remembering his mission and jumping through the subway doors onto the train before it left without him.

It took Alec all day to catch up with that demon and send it back to hell, so it was only later that night that he had a moment to think about the strange encounter with his guardian angel and the tingly feeling he gotten all over when the man had leaned forward and whispered in his ear. When he fell asleep his last words were still echoing in his mind, You really ought to be more careful little shadowhunter.

                                                      ***

The next time Alex saw his guardian angel he was almost eighteen and he finally learned the warlock’s name.

Jace had told him they were going to a party at a warlock’s house to try and help Clary find out what was going on in her head. The mention of a warlock made him think of his guardian angel. Maybe this Magnus Bane would know who his guardian angel was, maybe he could tell him where to find him, maybe... maybe nothing. He would go on this mission and came home and his life would continue in the same doldrum that he had existed in all his life. Nothing was going change that.

This thought festered in his mind all the way there putting him in a completely rotten mood so when the door opened and he heard a voice say, “Children of the Nephilim, well, well. I don’t recall inviting you.” He didn’t put together why the voice sounded familiar until he looked up and found a pair of gold green eyes staring right at him. These eyes glanced down to look at the invitation Isabelle was handing him and absently said, “I must have been drunk.” Then he grinned right at Alec before turning away and addressing the others. Alec didn’t hear. His mind was wiped clean. He couldn’t even form a coherent thought. This was perhaps the reason that as they climbed up the stairs Alec tripped. He did not fall however because a caramel colored hand grasped his arm and pulled him up right just like it had so many years before. Alec looked up onto the black rimmed cat eyes right in front of him. In the back of his mind Alec noticed that his friends had moved on but he didn’t care as Magnus Bane, his guardian angel, leaned in a murmured, “You got hot, you know that?” When Alec didn’t answer he leaned back and grinned. “You really ought to be more careful.” He said before turning towards a commotion behind him. He left Alec standing there shaking.

                                                         ***

This was not the last time Alec Lightwood saw his guardian angel. Indeed after this he saw his angel with more and more regularity. And this how, three years later, on Alexander Lightwood’s twenty first birthday, he lay in a bed in a hotel with Magnus Bane, his guardian angel, perched above him, their matching ringed fingers linked as Magnus leaned down and whispered in his lover’s ear, “I’m glad you weren’t more careful, my little shadowhunter.”

[napalmmanexe]

In Search of Strength Chapter 27

Fukuyunso: Where are you off too? ( Still walking ahead of Matt )

Matt: Home. ( Turning the other way )

Fukuyunso: Ah ah ah, you promised. ( Sing songy )

Matt: Yeah, and you know what? The heck with whatever I said, the heck with your training, and most importantly, the heck with you! ( Turning back ) I went through hell and high water to get home, and I finally get there, but Oooohh Noooo! You're toady little face comes around and turns everything on its head!

Fukuyunso: What will you do again if the enemy creates another EMP device?

Matt: Upgrade.

Fukuyunso: And how long will that take?

Matt: Get away from me...and out of my life. Go back to whatever moss covered rock you came out of, before I do something reprehensible.

Fukuyunso: ( Turning around, grinning and chuckling ) Heheheheheh, oh dear boy, are you suuuuure? ( Acting like he was in the mood to play ) Do you know for sure if your powers will be effective against my years upon years of training? If you put all your eggs in one basket and that basket tumbles over from something you cannot control, will it be worth it?

Matt: I never asked you for your dang blammed opinion now go away!

Fukuyunso: Will you be able to protect them when your powers are gone? As they were when you first set foot on the island? I saw. You couldn't move. If that time comes when you need your powers the most and they are taken from you, will you be able to defend them?

Matt: This is stupid, you're stupid! You're just some weirdo that escaped the local crazy farm! Leave me alone!

Fukuyunso: ( His usual silly tone changing ) Young man, listen to me...No doubt you've yet to fully understand the powers you now possess, but you must understand that if it is that easily brought down , and after being carried around like a sack of potatoes before you revived, do you not think that another means of defense should be learned? ( Stern, but sounding gentle ) I am well aware you miss your friends and family. I can see that. Yet, you must learn a new skill or you will lose this island to either the red eyes or the bugs or perhaps something far worse. You, must, prepare.

Matt: ( Silent for a few moments ) I don't want too much of my time wasted over this. We're going to get this over with and none of your stupid jokes. ( Goes back to walking with him ) How long will this take?

Fukuyunso: Two years.

Matt: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!! ( Raising his hands to throttle him )

Fukuyunso: Oi oi! ( Pointing his finger at him, back to being stern ) You clearly have lost your sense of humor while you were away. Do not strike me unless you mean to challenge me, and yes, I can get by your mental powers. ( Sighs ) You must learn...and I feel this is a growing time for you. The training will last two months if you diligently keep to it every day.

Matt: ( Stopping himself, arms falling to his side, silent for a few moments ) Lets get this over with....

Fukuyunso: Ah Ah Ah...( Waving his finger ) With a smile.~ ( Grinning )

    Despite Matt's muttering and growling, he and Fukuyunso traveled at a calm pace into a wooded area, north east of the island. The ground below them started to rise as they ventured into a large hill area within the forest. There was no path except for what Fukuyunso knew from memory. He lead Matt along as if he had known the trees and rocks all of his life. Yet there was no knowledge of a monastery in any of the forests mapped on the island. But from Matt's view the silly little man casually walked on as if these woods were his back yard.

    They hiked for five miles until they reached the foot of the hill. The only marking Matt noticed was a small oriental lantern hung high on a tree branch and dangling a few feet over their heads and away from its surrounding tree neighbors. Fukuyunso stopped and turned to address Matt.

Fukuyunso: Where we stand cannot be revealed to those not chosen. You have been selected for very specific reasons. In time you will find out why. Now that you have come this far you are officially committed to your training. That lantern above us....( Pointing with his walking stick ) Is the boundary between the outside, and your temporary new home. ( Grinning comically on the last few words )

Matt: I'm not going to make any assumptions. ( Looking from the lantern to Fukuyunso ) But I have every intention of making every day count and I will endure any silly games you might have in mind.

Fukuyunso: Aaaah, and that will be one of your many many lessons we will cram into two months.~ ( Grinning wider )

Matt: I'm learning a new method of combat, not to take a trip to the center of the universe...( Not sounding too willing to mess around ) You convinced me to leave my loved ones again, you dang well better stick to the meat of the training.  Ggaammmfff!!

    Something coated in whipped cream with a banana filling slammed full force onto Matt's face and cutting off whatever he was going to say next. Then more voices were heard. The pie filling slid off Matt's face just enough for him to notice more monks that were dressed the same as Fukuyunso and they were all chuckling proudly over their successful prank.

Matt: ( Whipping his face off with his hands ) I take it these are your fellow instructors?

Fukuyunso: Welcome to the family! ( Grinning proudly ) At least for the time being.

Matt: Thrilled....just stark raving thrilMMmff!! ( Gets hit with another pie ) Stop That!!

Monk: Oh you found a good one, Fuku-sama. But he seems to be much too serious.

Fukuyunso: He has endured much and his patients is thin, but we will deal that “properly”.

Monks: ( All of the chuckling ) Oh “Properly” he says!

Matt: ( Throwing off the remains of the last pie ) I am here....for training....not Man-child pranks!

Fukuyunso: Ah, but you don't understand. Not yet. You will in time, and the more you cooperate the sooner you will graduate. Keep your mind open.

Matt: Since when did training involve immature pranks? I did NOT come here for Clown College ran by middle aged and elderly men with too much time on their hands! I left my loved ones, friends and allies for THIS? ( Stops himself ) Anyone hits me with one more pie I will burst every internal organ in your body. That Is a Promise!

Monk: …..( Turns to Fukuyunso ) This will not take two months. He has poison and hate deep within him.

Fukuyunso: The outside land is suffering from an invasion and he cannot fight without the power his mind possesses. He needs a new set of skills. It will take two months, but we will need to train this one differently. Learn what makes him tick. ( Grinning )

Monk: Aaahh, very well.~ ( Bowing and grinning )

Fukuyunso: Also no more pies, that was probably a bad idea.

    The training had not yet begun and Matt was already out of patients. Yet he allowed the silly monks to lead him inside. Not one was anything else but human, and no females were seen. The place was riddled with even more monks as Matt walked further in. All the while he wondered how Mayreen and the others were doing. Wishing he had ditched Fukuyunso sooner, but here he was. About to begin who knows what, pining for Mayreen, who was also pining for him. As afternoon turned to evening, and evening turned to night, Mayreen crawled onto a mattress. Beds were unsafe. They stood just high enough for sniper fire to break through the wall and reach its mark. Despite that, this was another day for who knows how long she was separated from her lover and sleeping alone. She glanced at the window, seeing a clear sky with the stars shining. Her ears lowered as she laid herself down. A small tear rolling down her face.

Mayreen: Matty....come back....please.~ ( Ears perk up. Hearing someone enter the room )

Regina: ( Shyly hopping in ) U-um....do you want any c-company?

Mayreen: ( Smiling a little ) I'd love some.

Regina: ( Bounces over, laying down next her ) I miss him a lot too.~

Mayreen: How did you meet Matt? He said it was by accident.

Regina: That wolf lady that came in with the others. Brook. S-she was...well...hunting me.~ While I was running from her, Matty got involved. ( Laughing a little ) And we all wound up at this bar, then a fight broke out....something about him makes me feel safe.~

Mayreen: You're not afraid of him and what he can do?

Regina: At first...mostly because I didn't know him. But later on he struck me as a gentle person.~

Mayreen: He is.~ He's a perfect gentleman.~ It might be a while before we see him again....( Staring into the ceiling ) I almost lost him once because some wicked old man was bent on obtaining his power. I won't lose him again.

Regina: I think the funny monk guy is going to bring him back better than ever.~ He seems 'off' but I think we can trust him. ( Giving Mayreen a reassuring  smile )

Mayreen: ( Smiling back ) You know that for sure?

Regina: I guess its animal instinct.~

Mayreen: We should sleep. My own instincts tell me this quiet time isn't going to last.

    They bid each other good night and slept a dreamless sleep. Mayreen was right. There was creeping electricity in the air that the double war would begin anew. No one in the boarding house needed to be a mind reader to know something was on the move. At first light artillery fire from both the Helghast and Chimera rocked the city. An increase in ground troops and war vehicles rolled through the streets as the fighting picked up with an even greater fervor. The island's strongest stayed to their sides. The Officials to the west, the New Genesis Brothers to the east. Each side with their share of troops and those inside the large boarding house taking position to provide cover. Mayreen herself was fired up and ready to make every single bug and red eye creep pay for driving away her lover. Although it was for training. She noticed once again why Matt needed Fukuyunso's help as the power went out again. Messages of another EMP device, though not as large, was activated on both the west and eastern front. Talk of annihilating at least one side was finally brought up after the Officials fell back into the boarding house to be given a rest from the fighting.

Integra: This is going to sound stupid, but hindsight is better than foresight. We need to pick an enemy and blow them away.

Smoker: In our defense, we had our backs against a wall and didn't have the time for a proper offensive. Now that we have had time to think, yes, we need to end at least one enemy. My vote is the Chimera.

Death: My vote is the Helghast. My concern is the brainwashing that they're inducing upon the captive citizens.

Tsunade: My vote is the Chimera. Brainwashing can be fixed once the city Boy-Genius returns. The metamorphosis that's changing our people into bugs seems less than reversible.

Death: You have a good point there. Its a shame we would be destroying our former citizens....

Smoker: That's what makes me hate those freaks even more than the Red Eyes. They take innocent people and turn them into monsters. I can only imagine the change is painful and inhumane.

Integra: Very well then. Its unanimous. We know they operate underground, but where and how far? Also who is their leader?

Tsunade: They are insects. No one has ever heard them utter single normal word aside from chittering, squawking, and some roaring. My guess is they are not led by a leader but perhaps a queen.

Death: A Hive Mind. Destroy the queen, the rest die along with her. So now our next issue is where is that nest?

Smoker: I think we should catch one. One of the Pokegirls is a psychic type. She could help us.

Tsunade: What's to say the hive mind won't overpower Ivory?

Smoker: She's strong. I have a hunch this will turn the fight in our favor.

Integra: We have to assume the hive is heavily guarded.

Death: Along with the Helghast HQ. So...does anyone have any fly paper?

Integra, Smoker, Tsunade: ( All of them fall over comically ) Really??

Death: But first I suppose we should...( Gets cut off )

Napalm: ( Shouting ) Incoming!

    Artillery fire struck the west side of the building, and giving the Chimera a good sized hole to crawl through. Hedgehog grenades were tossed through the newly made entrance to a vacant room. Thankfully it didn't belong to a tenant as the needles littered everything within. Ten Chimera crawled through with more behind them. Only to be met by two angry Uzis and a shower of bullets and Mayreen yelling with ferocity.

Mayreen: Get out of my home, and off my island!!

Napalm: Breach on the fifth floor, middle room to the west!

Rahbie: I just cleaned in there! ( Becoming furious and running into the room. Coming face to face with fifteen Chimera ) You do NOT make a mess in my home!! ( Eyes flashing with magic, clapping her hands )

    Let it be said to never anger a Genie. Lest a heavy handed curse smite you. The very thing transpired as the fifteen Chimera were polymorphed into frogs. Icy took her turn and fired a steady line of Ice Beam. Freezing all of them except one that had scrambled under the bed. Rahbie's magic took hold of the changed Chimera and held it in mid air. Smacking it firmly with her hand.

Rahbie: That's for being bad and making a mess.

Napalm: Hey Rahbie can you bring him downstairs? The Officials have a plan.

Rahbie: Yes fried Frog's Legs do sound good. ( Grinning mischievously at the frog-Chimera )

Myffle: Yuck, no. ( Shaking her head in disgust ) We're gonna go info digging, nyan.

Rahbie: We can't do that with this current wave of enemies. ( Magically repairing the hole in the room )

Napalm: Correct. Time for a better show of force. ( Makes a loud whistle )

Duece: ( Coming out of another room with the rest of the New Genesis Brothers from a quick break ) We're on! ( Beaming happily )

Tony: Good! I've been wanting some exercise!

Alucard: ( To Tony ) Care for one more? ( Grinning, loading his guns )

Tony: I don't see why not. ( Grinning )

Joe: ( Wielding a large ice sword ) Pushing back in three...two...one!

    The front door flew open as the two heads of the boarding house, The Brothers, and a giggling, true blooded vampire rolled out and dove into both armies. Tony, Joe, Shift and Myffle, and Alucard pushed toward the east. Cydrone and his fellow Gemstone Warriors pushed toward the west. The sound of battle grew even louder as the home team attacked with everything they had. Tony's large beast tiger form drove the Helghast farther and farther with every swipe of his massive paws. Joe, Shift, and Alucard picked off any stragglers. The Brothers formed a side by side line. Skyla sent line after line of chain lightning to force the Chimera lines back. Her large wings created powerful gust, putting the bugs against walls of the buildings behind them or forcing them into cover. Blain had vanished. Then quickly popping up from bellow and ripping the Chimera to shreds. Cydrone and Zeb rushed forward to cut and chop any bug or artillery vehicle they saw. Magnum provided their own means of long ranged bombing, while Deuce levitated the enemy's cover away and threw them around for Skyla to zap with another round of lightning.

    The chatter and radio noises from the enemy armies were obvious enough to tell the Island had retaliated and were being called back. This failed as the attack was so fierce nothing was left to retreat to anywhere. Every Chimera and Helghast had been destroyed. Those inside the boarding house were hooting and cheering for the home team, and in the midst of the fighting the new EMP devices were scrapped. They had been transported to close range due to their smaller size and hasty construction.  

    With another victory behind them and a Chimera in their hands. The island Officials moved to begin their interrogation.