#oh. ha. okay just whack her why don't you

[cursedbcrn]

LET ME ASSIGN YOU A LOVE LANGUAGE

an undoing influence

Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.

Tagged by: @therebekahmikaelson

Tagging: @asiphon / @ofvalor (shauna), @floripire, literally if you haven't been tagged, go forth and prosper

[astonmartinii]

a spoonful of sugar | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem chef!reader

cheffing it up all over the calendar

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 124,509 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: WOAH WHAT IT'S OSCAR'S HOME RACE WEEK? that mean's it's time to whack out the aussie cook book mama piastri got me for christmas and man this fish has a cool name. BARRAMUNDI is a fish very commonly used in aussie cuisine (real ones know it from masterchef australia). so here i've pan seared it with some herbs and some lemons and take it from me it SLAPS, but you know what i hope slaps more? oscar this weekend... LET'S GO BABY

[as always this recipe is on my website and will be in my 2024 f1 calendar recipe book coming out soon]

view all comments

user1: FAVES OMG PARENTS

user2: my favourite thing is where i read intently all of y/n's recipe and continue to make pot noodles

yourusername: pot noodles are good i can't even be mad

oscarpiastri: can confirm it did in fact SLAP

yourusername: oh wow piastri stamp of approval that's basically a michelin star

oscarpiastri: tbf i would eat a roll of paper towels if it was you who gave it to me

yourusername: okay.... I'LL TAKE IT

user3: can we please study these people cause why is saying you'd eat paper towels is the pinnacle of romance

user4: i NEED the recipe book STAT

landonorris: i was on board with this whole cooking thing but FISH IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE

yourusername: oh boy we got a BABY ON THE LINE

landonorris: i'm allowed to like what i like my MUM said so

yourusername: bro is an elite athlete and exclusively eats chicken nuggies

landonorris: @oscarpiastri tell your girlfriend to stop bullying me

oscarpiastri: i'm on her side buddy maybe explore the culinary world

landonorris: that's it i'm going to HR

yourusername: try it girly the mclaren HR team LOVE my food

user5: the dynamics since oscar and y/n got comfortable in the sport are my favourite things

oscarpiastri

liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 793,288 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: first time on the podium at my home race and the feeling is unreal. so thankful to have my family and love of my life around me, lets keep building on this !!

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user7: THANK THE LORD MCLAREN KEPT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER IN 2024 OSCAR FIRST WIN COMING IN FAST

yourusername: I AM TOTALLY FINE ABOUT THIS AND I AM NOT SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU AT ALL TIMES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

oscarpiastri: I LOVE YOU TOO SO MUCH AND I LOVE SHARING THIS WITH YOU AND SEEING THE WORLD WITH YOU AND REACHING OUR DREAMS TOGETHER

user8: are they good?

logansargeant: from the man currently waiting for them to go to dinner and can hear them yelling this stuff to each other... no they are not okay and i don't think they ever have been

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR I AM SORRY I CANNOT CONTAIN MY LOVE FOR OSCAR

oscarpiastri: jealous bitches gonna be bitter

logansargeant: ??? excuse me

oscarpiastri: i'm sorry i got excited... love you logan (just not as much as y/n)

user9: this comment section is once again making me want to sneak into an F1 after party :(

user10: they're just going to dinner they've not even started drinking yet 😭

landonorris: i am proud of you mate - why is y/n dancing around in the kitchen in an apron that says "this chef FUCKS"

yourusername: fashion. (it says oscar piastri in small print right under that)

landonorris: i didn't need to know that

oscarpiastri: let her dance it makes the food taste even better

landonorris: there's definitely no fish right?

yourusername: no fish by order of the fussy child

landonorris: bullying online and in person @maxverstappen1 @charles_leclerc @logansargeant STEP IN

maxverstappen1: eh i'm good i'm looking forward to dinner

charles_leclerc: you're on your own with this one lando

logansargeant: i've learnt not to cross y/n

user11: the piastris invited lando, logan and the rest of the podium? i am soft

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 162,994 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: a big post podium celebration dinner at the piastri house to celebrate oscar's home podium. first off, super duper proud. second, since it was a strictly no fish evening, i decided to go for classic aussie meat pies and grilled kangaroo LOL but there was only clean plates at the end so i'll defo consider adding it to the recipe book

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user12: i am getting a sugar rush this is so sweet

logansargeant: thank you for having me, a solid 9/10 - one point docked because kangaroos are cute

yourusername: wait until you run into one on a cold, wet evening

oscarpiastri: they are actually very scary and have a stealing problem

yourusername: tbf i think we all have a stealing problem

oscarpiastri: you definietly do ... cause you stole my heart

logansargeant: EW NOT ON MY COMMENT THREAD

user13: i'm so lonely

maxverstappen1: i definitely did not think i was going to eat kangaroo this week but here we are

yourusername: did you like it?

maxverstappen1: i was shocked at how much i did

oscarpiastri: babe get that on the review cover of the recipe book this guy got three championships that has to mean something

yourusername: good idea i'm on it

maxverstappen1: ???

landonorris: you fed me kanga and roo from winnie the pooh? Y/N YOU FED ME KANGA AND ROO FROM WINNIE THE POOH?

yourusername: you eat chicken all the time and you don't feel sorry for chicken little

oscarpiastri: she ate you up there PUN INTENDED

landonorris: i've learnt my lesson i'm giving up here

charles_leclerc: i for one had a blast and will be asking for y/n to cater my birthday party

oscarpiastri: FOR A PRICE

charles_leclerc: you her guard dog or something?

oscarpiastri: duh? have you seen her?

yourusername: i would love to (idk monagasque cuisine though so give me notice)

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 152,339 others

tagged: oscarpiastri, logansargeant

yourusername: IMOLA, IMOLA MY HEART LIVES IN ITALIA AND MY STOMACH LIVES WITH ITALIAN FOOD. for real. the track is cute and whatnot but the real star is the pasta, the pizza, the gelato but most importantly the PASTA. here is two dishes that'll feature in the imola chapter: a burrata dish and a ragu !! oscar (and lando) certified so you know it's good, oscar even helped so it's defo beginner friendly!!

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user17: is it a collective f1 driver experience to be ass at cooking

danielricciardo: yes

maxverstappen1: yes

oscarpiastri: yes

landonorris: yes

charles_leclerc: YES

oscarpiastri: if i'm slow this weekend it's because i couldn't stop eating the ragu sorry mclaren

yourusername: i made sure no gelato until sunday so please don't take me out back and shoot me over giving him pasta

mclarenf1: bring some pasta for social media admin and no one has to know

yourusername: deal

landonorris: this is a public instagram comment section

charles_leclerc: why is mine always so darn crunchy

yourusername: inpatient, common amongst you drivers. oscar was once so impatient when boiling an egg he got it out and it was just watery egg

oscarpiastri: you said you wouldn't tell anyone :(

yourusername: no babe i'm proud !!! you've come so far

oscarpiastri: it's true i made my own omelette the other day :)

yourusername: and it was yummy

oscarpiastri: and it was yummy :)

user18: the positive affirmations in this relationship really keep me going

yourusername: he IS the MOST beautiful racer in all of the lands

oscarpiastri: she IS the PRETTIEST chef in all of the kitchens

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 775,431 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: not the race we wanted in spain, but we're still in good spirits and in the conversation at the top of the standings! also helps that when you get taken out of the race your girlfriend shovels the BEST paella ever into your mouth until you finally smile

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user19: bro got a girlfriend and personal chef all in one

yourusername: food is my love language and when babe gets twatted into the barriers by SOMEONE i will personally feed him some of his favourite food

user20: she's holding back

yourusername: PR said i couldn't say anything...

oscarpiastri: i love youuuuuuuuu and i love your paella i think it's laced with crack

logansargeant: @fia GET HIS ASS

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR?

logansargeant: i'm sorry, we're pretty desperate for the p7 here at williams

yourusername: i respect that

oscarpiastri: Y/N????

yourusername: MORE PAELLA

carlossainz55: big respect for the paella, definitely looks authentic

yourusername: OBVIOUSLY IT'S AUTHENTIC DO YOU THINK MY QUALIFICATIONS ARE A JOKE

yourusername: lol sorry thank you actually SPANISH F1 DRIVER APPROVED PAELLA

oscarpiastri: @fernandoalo_oficial can we get another good review please and thank you

fernandoalo_oficial: looks good, need a taste to be sure

yourusername: it's coming your way (please return the tupperware tho please)

mclarenf1: you'll come back stronger oscar 💪

oscarpiastri: fuelled by love and paella

yourusername: fuelled by VENOM AND THE WILL TO WIN AND CRUSH THE COMPETITION

oscarpiastri: and that 🫶

note: here's a short and sweet one that MAY return to finish out this fictional season ... i also just love this kind of set up for an imagine. it's a lil short i know but the CHRISTMAS CRAFTS ARE COMING IN FAST AND THE CROSS STITCH CHRISTMAS CARDS ARE SLAYING THE HOUSE DOWN

[harunayuuka2060]

Chubby MC: ...

Ace and Deuce: ...

Ace, Deuce, and Chubby MC: YOOOOOOOO!!!

Ace: You're working as a server?

Chubby MC: Yeah. Well, I'm an all-rounder here.

Chubby MC: That means I also take care of the punks who dare to try to mess this place.

Deuce: Do they pay you a competitive salary though?

Chubby MC: It's good. The owner's a nice, old lady. She pays me just fine.

Chubby MC: What do you want to get, by the way?

Ace: Oh. Everything's on the menu.

Chubby MC: Huh. You're rich now?

Ace: Let's just say I'm, *slicks back his hair*

Ace: "Climbing the corporate ladder".

Chubby MC: Arrogant bitch. How about you, Deuce?

Deuce: I'm a sergeant now.

Chubby MC: Nice.

Ace: Why didn't you call him an arrogant bitch?

Chubby MC: Because Deuce was never a bitch.

Ace: We graduated and all and you still have favoritism? Fuck you!

Deuce: Ace, I can arrest you for that.

Chubby MC: Yeah. Arrest this motherfucker.

Ace, Deuce, and Chubby MC: *laughs*

Ace: Damn shit- So you really run the whole place, huh, except being the owner.

Deuce: It reminds me of when you once worked in the school cafeteria.

Ace: Yeah. You handled hundreds of orders.

Deuce: And then you blew up when someone yelled at you to hurry up.

Ace and Deuce: *laughs*

Ace: Ah, good old days.

Ace: Anyway, you married now?

Chubby MC: No.

Deuce: Why not?

Chubby MC: Well, I don't look like someone somebody would fall in love with.

Ace: ...

Ace: You're trippin'.

Deuce: Yes, I agree with Ace. You're the type of person anybody would love to be with.

Chubby MC: You mean in a "platonic" way.

Ace and Deuce: ...

Chubby MC: See?

Ace: Er, how about Jade?

Chubby MC: He has a fiancee.

Ace: Oof. Okay, you're going to be alone.

Deuce: *whacks him*

Chubby MC: *has arrived home*

Vivienne: *is waiting for them*

Chubby MC: ...

Chubby MC: Where's Jade?

Vivienne: There's something he needs to deal with, but he promised he'll be back before midnight

Chubby MC: Ah.

Vivienne: ...

Chubby MC: ...

Chubby MC: What do you want to eat?

Vivienne: King Crab.

Chubby MC: ...

Chubby MC: Good. That's what I bought.

Vivienne: *cracks the crab's leg with her sharp teeth*

Chubby MC: ...

Chubby MC: *puts the scissors away*

Vivienne: You have excellent cooking skills.

Chubby MC: Thanks.

Vivienne: ...

Chubby MC: *noticed her staring*

Chubby MC: What?

Vivienne: ...

Vivienne: I'm curious… You seem like a tempting bite.

Chubby MC: ...

Chubby MC: What?

Jade: Is this everything?

His mother: Yes. Thank you, Jade.

Jade: You're welcome.

His mother: By the way, how's your relationship with dear MC?

Jade: *chuckles* We've been doing well.

His mother: I'm glad. Your father is becoming impatient, you see. If I hadn't intervened, he would've forcibly brought MC here.

Jade: Thank you for doing that.

His mother: You're welcome~.

[jinnie-ret]

Hey can I request a fluffy comfort gif where y/n has period cramps and stays to work from home and is kind of in a bad mood so when Hyunjin comes home early from (idk doing Versace ambassador stuff lol) and he tells her he isn’t feeling well and he’s got a stomachache too, she gets annoyed and thinks he’s just teasing. But later on she realizes he’s actually sick and being serious and she feels bad and takes care of him 🎀🤭

under the weather

hyunjin x reader

gif imagine

genre: fluff, teeny tiny angst

content warnings: none

summary: you think hyunjin is teasing you as normal when you're on your period, but turns out he's not feeling too great himself.

My first gif imagine! Hope you enjoy!

As always, like, reblog if you enjoyed, and my asks are open for any requests you may have. And let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post :)

HYUNJIN'S MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

You were used to his teasing, even when you were in a bad mood like this. Cramps, a raging headache and not enough food to satiate your cravings. Of course he always made sure you were okay too, which was why you were surprised by his quiet mood, especially since he has just come back from his recent Versace trip. You had seen plenty of posts on social media and it made you miss him even more. Why wasn't he his normal excited self?

"Hi love, I missed you," you clung onto him as he entered your apartment, looking more tired than usual.

"Mmm, yeha, missed you too," Hyunjin sighed as he walked in, automatically collapsing on the sofa.

"Wow, what a great welcome back," you roll your eyes, unable to help your bad mood from returning as you sat next to him.

"Sorry, I did miss you, I saw your texts as well, I know you've not been feeling great," he sat up slowly, stroking your hair.

"Cramps have been extra bad," you groan, leaning into him.

"I know how you feel," he groaned, leaning against you, staring off at the wall after taking a glance at you.

"Don't tease this time, they've actually been so bad," you playfully whack his stomach, but he hunches over and groans.

"Stop messing around, Jinnie," you whine.

"I'm not, got such a bad stomachache, must have been bad plane food," he hunched over again.

That's when you realise he wasn't joking around this time, it should have been obvious from his mood, you thought.

"Oh, love, I'm sorry I thought you were messing," you sighed, sitting up and wrapping an arm around him and rubbing soothing circles into his back.

"No, not this time darling," he groaned again.

"Let me get you what normally helps me," you pouted as you wiped away his small tears of pain.

You got up and grabbed two hot water bottles, slowly moving around and pouring boiling water into them, as well as two mugs of tea. First you brought over the bottles and gave him one, gently pressing it against his stomach. He immediately let out a sigh in response, seeming to relax a bit.

"Here, have some tea, take these too," you put down your mugs of tea on the table, just as you handed him some paracetamol.

"Thank you Y/Nnie, I know you're not feeling too good either," he took the tablets, curling up on the sofa.

"It's ok, you know what though, I think we'd both be comfier in bed right now, yeah?" you pushed back his hair as you planted a kiss on his forehead.

He nodded and slowly sat up, carrying the mugs as you held the hot water bottles and rested your hand on his back.

"What are we gonna do, hey? We're both gonna be like potatoes laying around in bed," you lightly laughed, the roles now reversed as you carded your hand through his hair as he cuddled up to you, head rested on your chest.

"I'll just be a potato forever then if I get to lay here forever with you," he murmured lightly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles of your other hand.

"Do you always get sentimental when you're under the weather?" you teased him now, your cramps easing ever so slightly.

"Sshhh, you, I'm unwell, you need to take care of me," he looked up at you with pouty lips.

"I will, love don't you worry," you pecked him on the lips, smiles prominent on both of your faces as you relaxed in the comfort of each other.

tagged: @skz-streamer @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @kiraisastay @sakufilms

[hannahssimblr]

“Granny?” Ivy cries. “I hate granny.”

“You’re not supposed to hate your grandmother,” I point out as I unwind the vacuum cord. “Even if she is… the way that she is.”

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Alright, well maybe don’t tell the truth in front of mom and dad.”

“Ugh! For how long?”

“I don’t know, a few hours. Five, maybe.”

“Five hours?” 

“Bring a book.” I find a socket behind a potted plant and fumble with the plug. “Or you can have my iPod. Actually, you can have and keep it.”

“Okay, but whenever we put on music at her house, she complains and says it’s the devil’s.”

“Not all music, just the Rolling Stones.” I point out. “Actually, Mick Jagger. She said he was the devil personified, remember?” I think she came up with that line in the sixties, thought it was poignant, and hasn't stopped saying it for the rest of her life. I don’t even listen to the Rolling Stones. She just assumes all my music must be theirs, because she hates it with the same vigour as she did Beggar’s Banquet. 

“‘Oh, what are you reading, Ivy? Something by some old cowboy?’” Ivy says in this plummy, pretty spot-on impression of Granny Hyland, who also likes to call everyone she doesn’t like a cowboy, for reasons I could never grasp. That includes me, of course, that time I shaved my head.

“‘I’d prefer that children didn’t speak at the dinner table, and that they ate all of their disgusting, soggy peas and carrots that I’ve put no salt on. And don't scrape your cutlery on my ugly plates!’” Ivy goes on. A direct quote, probably. 

I swear I can see Granny now, sitting there, all thin and powdery in her musty, Glasnevin Victorian that one of us is one day cursed to inherit. She’s always seemed so old, even though she’s still only in the first half of her sixties. How she would sit there at the table, gripping her knife and fork over Christmas dinner with those weird, rheumatic hands and jawing on about manners, she was like a turn of the century relic. 

My decision to throw a party tonight has condemned my sister to an evening of that, and for that, I’m guilty. 

Ivy throws herself onto the settee, her hair spilling over the floor. 

“Move your rat tails or I’ll suck them up in the hoover,” I mutter.

“Why are you hoovering? Irene does that for us.”

I sigh. “I guess I’m the cleaner today.”

“Why?”

“Because mom and dad said so.”

She frowns. “Why would they say that? If they want the house cleaned, they would just phone her to come and do it.”

“Yeah, I know, but they’re teaching me a lesson.”

“A lesson about what?”

“I don’t know, hoovering, I suppose. Move.” I scoop her hair out of the way, then hit the wrong button on the hoover. The cord retracts and tightens. 

Ivy sits up. “Who’s coming to your party? Anyone cool?”

“Define ‘cool’.”

She shrugs. She doesn’t really know what cool is in an Irish way, only in that glossy, American tween show way she knows from watching TV at her friend Ella’s house. I’ve wanted to tell her nicely that if those smiley kids wearing belts on top of their t-shirts from her beloved Camp Rock went to school here, they’d have the contents of the canteen bins chucked over them while inside the bathroom stalls, but they’re cool to her, so I just let her enjoy it before she realises. 

“It’s just gonna be some people from school, that’s all.”

“What about your friends from summer?”

I laugh awkwardly. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll ask them. They probably won’t come.”

“Why?”

“Because they live far away, and it’s short notice.”

“You should ask. You’re going away tomorrow. Maybe they’d come because it’s the last chance to see you.”

“It won’t be the last chance. I’ll be back.”

“Yeah, at Christmas,” she says, as though Christmas is the year 2036. 

“Uh, yeah. Christmas. It’s not that long.”

“It is! It’s ages away! And also-”

“Ivy! I’m hoovering now. It’ll drown you out even if you keep talking.” With my foot, I whack the button, the correct one this time, and the machine roars to life. Ivy yaps on, but I just move my hand like a sock puppet. “I can’t hear you!”

She sticks out her tongue, and I stick out mine, but when she’s turned away and become interested in a bird out hopping around on the patio furniture, I pull my phone from my pocket and tap out a hasty message. 

Having a goodbye thing at my house. Will you come? 

It’s several minutes before Evie replies, and by then, I already assume that she won’t, in that kind of sad, desperate way, familiar to me only from my pubescent MSN days. By the time my phone vibrates, I jump. 

Okay, what time? 

I type back:

Seven. Look, I know you’re in Offaly, obviously, so you’re welcome to stay if you need to. There’s a few people crashing here. 

She won’t come. She definitely won’t come. Especially not if she has to sleep in my house. Who am I kidding? There’s all that stuff about her strict mother, and being around boys, and-

Ping.

Yeah, sounds cool. I’ll be there. 

Oh. 

Cool. See you later.

Beginning // Prev // Next

Corresponding LG Chapter

[mixelation]

reborn au: sometimes tori should be allowed to win. as a little treat

iwa fails team 4, which is just funny. i was debating minato just promoting itachi bc he'd have the missions for it, but actually i think it'd be funnier if he went and took a formal exam in a way that somehow pre-empts deidara from doing it? idk how that could work, but i think it would be Fun if both deidara and itachi won the tournament in their exams, and for that they'd have to take them separately

(it might make more sense logistically if itachi was like "why do i care? i'm an ANBU captain. i already have the paycheck/security clearances" and then deidara solos the next exam and itachi is like ".....wait i can't let him win" and solos the NEXT one. but also i think the laws of the universe are such that itachi should advance first, because it would piss deidara off)

anyway the point is. tori applies for R&D immediately and spends all her free time slinking around & then complaining she's not allowed to do her own projects

minato after she's tried some insane manipulations to take over R&D: (squints at her) yeah, because you're a genin. just apply to be a chunin?

it has not once occurred to tori she could be promoted the regular way. she's used to just like.... infecting a space, like a fungus. and then people get used to her enough that she gets to do what she wants.

tori: what is rank to a fungus?

deidara: what the fuck are you talking about? just take the exam. you'll get a raise and then we can afford a nice ass apartment together

anyway tori signs up for the next chunin exam feeling extraordinarily like she's doing some sort of weird undercover mission. she's not a ninja in her mind, she just plays one on tv. then kushina is like "ohohoho so are you going to keep up the team reputation and win the tournament???" and tori is like ".....no?" but both deidara AND itachi make the same joke

tori: i think you're really overestimating me 8|

it's not that tori doesn't think she can't take on any task they might throw at a chunin, or that she won't pass. akatsuki had her doing missions as a civilian, okay, she can handle chaos and responsibility and the associated danger. she just never, ever picks "fight" as her first solution to a problem... and the chunin exam tournament is just a fight. there's no changing parameters or redefining your win condition to force the outcome in your favor. it's just.... a fight. which she's iffy at

kushina: oh, i get your problem. your baseline is whack

tori: no no, i'm pretty sure there's lots of thirteen year olds that could beat me up

kushina: do you know what makes a ninja good-- like, actually good? it's not being the strongest. it's being able to go up against someone who's stronger than you and winning anyway. and a lot of people won't ever be able to do that, but you definitely could

so tori goes and takes her exam and it turns out the average thirteen year old sucks!!! she wins easy!!!

tori: what the FUCK

then she goes home and is like "i won? i don't get it??" and two weeks later she's a special jounin* because minato wants her to have the associated permissions

minato: go on, go do fuinjutsu reearch to your heart's content

tori: ;^; i am going to make the MOST forbidden technique

minato: please don't

*special jounin in my mind is for people who have a specialized jounin-level skill but don't qualify for a full jounin promotion, because those people need increased security clearances and shit compared to a standard chunin. it's not EXACTLY a rank between chunin and jounin because there's a lot of variation in abilities within in it... like at this point tori would basically be an average chunin in terms of combat but also capable of making up s-rank techniques on the fly

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM THE PARENT TRAP *  assorted dialogue taken from the script, adjust as necessary

we've got a big, big day ahead of us.

now the question is, how do i get it out?

you must be new.

i would say you need some serious help.

now that's my kind of woman.

we traveled six thousand miles for... this?

it's rather picturesque, wouldn't you say?

i'll be fine. see you in eight weeks.

i'm positive i'd remember you.

sorry, wish i could, but i'm allergic.

sure. i'll take a whack at it.

why's everyone staring?

want me to deck her for you?

i'm so tired. i'm crawling back into bed and sleeping until lunch.

save yourself the aggravation. it's really disgusting.

you'll thank us for this. you'll see.

i feel so bad for you.

any of your pictures ruined?

i love oreos. at home, i eat them with peanut butter.

most people find that totally disgusting.

it's scary the way nobody stays together anymore.

will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this?

oh man, this is beyond coincidence. this is beyond imagination.

this is so freaky.

if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

that's the way true love works. history's filled with stories of lovers parted by some silly misunderstanding.

i have a brilliant, beyond brilliant idea.

oh, right. sorry, i'm just a little nervous.

you sure you know what you're doing?

oh god, i hope she likes me. please like me.

you look fantastic. what did you do to your hair?

i just love how everyone drives on the wrong side here.

now you're even talking like an american.

i'm making a memory.

i can't believe it's you.

i'm sorry, it's just... i've missed you so much.

can you believe it? it seems like it's been forever.

i didn't realize you were so beautiful.

i found a stowaway in your suitcase.

can't you manage without me?

you don't think it's too over-the-top?

come on, let's see what all the fuss is about...

i like things exactly the way they are, thank you.

now let's see what disaster awaits us.

you can't avoid the subject forever.

we kind of hit it off immediately.

i knew you were going to ask me all these questions one day.

it just didn't work out.

get into these arms, you little punk.

what happened to you? something's changed. did you get taller?

now you sound like your old self.

i made cornbread and chili.

i'm just so happy to be home.

i can't put my finger on it, but something about you has definitely changed.

when you're done, come on down. there's someone i want you to meet.

sorry, did i get you wet?

somebody grab that, please.

we've got a major problem.

are you nuts?

this is an emergency.

you've got to get back here to help me.

there's something really important i want to talk to you about.

you do an absolutely marvelous british accent.

i'm trying to tell you something!

why's everybody acting so nutty around here?

i'm afraid you're kind of missing the point.

let's discuss this calmly and rationally...

you are unbelievably out of line.

this is fantastic wine, by the way.

are you okay? would you like me to come with you?

why didn't you tell me it was you all along?

i've never been so happy in my entire life.

i'm in such major trouble here.

you're perfect for each other.

may your life be far less complicated than mine.

i can't believe it. you haven't changed at all.

i think i have to get dressed for dinner.

sometime, if we're ever really alone, maybe we could talk about... what happened between us.

you didn't come after me.

it's the wine we drank at our wedding. i now have every bottle ever made.

can we open one?

you're the only one i'd drink it with.

you don't always have to be so brave, you know.

[erikahenningsen]

5 cadina!

5. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

Out of everything that happens during his junior year, what Damian expected the least was becoming friends with Regina George.

A few weeks after spring fling, their English teacher told them to pair up for a project. Damian was feeling generous that day, so when it became clear that nobody wanted to work with Regina, he graciously volunteered.

What he learned—aside from the fact that The Old Man and the Sea is boring as hell—is that Regina is smart, and funny, and a much better companion at the mall than Janis.

And somewhere around the time Damian offered to reorganize Regina's closet in exchange for Regina writing their paper for them—she actually liked the book—they became friends.

They're seated on a bench outside after school, Regina helping Damian decide which Telfar bag he should ask for for his birthday, when Damian spots Cady and Aaron exit the building, hand in hand.

"Oh, there's Cady and Aaron," Damian says, about to raise his hand to wave.

Regina pulls his arm down. "Ugh. If I have to hear about how Aaron beat some new track record or helped his mom plant flowers right now I'll puke." She says plant flowers how Mr. Duvall says marijuana at their anti-drug assemblies—a little disgusted, a little bit in disbelief that anyone would do that.

"I thought you were over him," Damian says.

"Of course I'm over him," Regina says, waving a hand dismissively. "He's so boring, and he somehow always needs a haircut, even right after he gets one. I don't know what Cady sees in him."

Damian studies Regina more closely. She seems to be going for nonchalant, but there's an edge to her voice, and her eyes are a little sad, and then Damian realizes she's not looking at Aaron.

She's looking at Cady.

"Oh my god," Damian says, so many things clicking into place in his brain. Regina stopping Cady in the cafeteria on her first day and telling her she was pretty. Regina randomly going after Aaron as soon as she learned Cady liked him. Regina telling Cady she liked her in the bathroom at spring fling. "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

"Of Cady? Please," Regina scoffs.

"No, Regina," Damian says. "Of Aaron."

For a moment Regina looks confused. Her eyes widen comically, then start darting around the courtyard.

"What? No. That's crazy. Why would you think that? Absolutely not." Damian has never seen Regina look this flustered. Her face is actually red.

"Because you are obsessed with that girl. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner."

"Shut the fuck up," Regina says, but it has no bite to it. She drops her head into her hands.

"It's okay to have gay thoughts, Regina," Damian says, patting her back. "I actually think this world would be a more peaceful place if everyone had gay thoughts."

"Can we not do this right now?" Regina says tiredly. She lifts her head, and she actually looks a little frightened. "And please don't tell anyone."

"Of course I won't," Damian promises. "I know what that does to a person," he adds pointedly, and Regina has the good sense to look down at her hands remorsefully.

"I know," she says. "Thanks."

"Now, I can't say I've ever been attracted to the fairer sex but I am here to support you on your lesbian journey in any way I can," Damian says.

Regina whacks his arm. "I will kill you and make it look like an accident."

"What are you gonna do? Push me in front of a bus?"

"Of course not," Regina says. "That plan obviously has flaws—I mean, I didn't die. I'd get a sure thing."

Damian rolls his eyes. He knows she's just joking.

Or, he's pretty sure.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

All right then this is, I mean, that is like some whacked up logic. I mean, how it's so self justified, right? Like, well, how can it be wrong if, if because I'm in love and if I do something out of love, then it can't be wrong, therefore it's not wrong. It's, you know, it's like if, how can it be bad if love can't be bad and I love you, therefore I can do nothing bad. Right? It's like, this is really not healthy. But the show bends to it for the rest of, I mean this is, this is the escalation that we set up now. There's no way out. She has to go, not go to Yale. They have to get married. Like, you've, you've changed the rules of the show. You've said from now on, Cory is, you know, this love is going to defy all the adults. It's going to defy reality and and that, that is just, and it's like, whoa, okay, now you can do nothing wrong. But I, if you're doing it for love. But the point of this episode is that every adult bends like every, and then the whole reality bends. -Rider 

But they, they, they don't bend because they agree. You're right, you're in love, And, you should be together. They bend because the idea that Topanga has lived here her entire life and has grown up here, and it's only one year before she's gonna move for college anyway. And so they end up agreeing kind of like, not because you should be with Cory, but because really it's there it is a lot to ask of a 17-year-old kid to move the last year of high school and uproot their entire life if there is another solution so that she could stay. Not because I think she should stay because you and Cory should be together necessarily, but because it is an uprooting of your life. -Danielle

 The point is that they are empowered through their love, and they are, they are better than the adults. They're better than the world and they're gonna make it no matter what. And that's just, that's a romance. It's a romance story. And they're gonna and, you know, now we've set ourselves up. That's why I thought maybe God, you know, it's kind of shortsighted because now the show has to keep insisting Cory and Topanga and it has to keep digging in deeper in order to rationalize. -Rider

But it gets even crazier because if they're juniors in high school, they're engaged in a year, right? -Will

Yeah. Oh yeah. I proposed at graduation. -Danielle 

They're engaged in a year. -Will

How can it be crazy if you're in love? -Rider

You also notice that your hair your hair keeps getting wetter and then it's dry. And then it's wetter and then it's dry. - Will

It was bothering me the whole time. It's like, just stick with the fact that her hair's dry now. It's been enough time that her hair has dried Please. Or that I dried it with a hair dryer. We do not need to keep going back to having wet hair. -Danielle

So When, I say, your hair's wet. You're wearing Cory's clothes. That's like my next line.So I think that's why they had to like, oh wait, her hair's not wet enough. Go. -Rider

Make it. Her hair's a mess. Something. -Danielle

It was several levels of dampness. -Will

It was so it went, it went back and forth so many times. -Danielle 

It did. It did. -Will

I didn't notice. -Rider

Then Shawn puts two and two together. Your hair's wet. You're wearing Cory's clothes. You ran away, didn't you? She nods and he laughs She gets that from me then.... I love the drive by involvement. -Danielle

Drive by Shawn. -Will

I wonder if there's ever a draft where they tried to keep me around for any of this discussion. -Rider

[effy-writes]

Addict (Blitz x Reader)

16: Western Energy

@d4rkprdise

~~~~~~~

"Oh shit it's Stolas. Y/n, here."

"I don't want to talk to him!" You whispered yelled.

Blitz handed you the phone, then drove like a maniac. "Hey Stolas, listen, Blitz and I cant fuck you tonight. We're taking Loona to the doctor and she's freaking out."

"Put him on speaker." Blitz said, swerving the car.

"I'm sorry it's a bad time yet again.But, umm...I seem to have found myself in a bit of a sitch. I'm tied to the back of a horse at the moment."

"Pffttt...lucky bitch." Blitz said.

"Um, well, no. Rather unlucky. I seem to have been stolen by little cowboy friend of Blitz'."

"Ohh, which one?"

"Blitz if you made me talk to him then why are you the one who keeps talking?" You raised an eyebrow.

"How many cowboy friends do you know?" Moxxie said to Blitz. "What does he look like, your highness?"

"Umm...sexy?"

"That's Striker, sir!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake! Can't you just get away? Aren't you powerful?"

"I believe he has bound me with blessed rope, which limits my ability to free myself, I'm afraid. So, I think you and Y/n should come save me. I love it when Y/n uses her big metal po-"

"Okay, Stolas that's enough." You nervously laughed.

"Oh, shit. Stolas, I can't today, alright? I'm sorry. Like Y/n said, we're literally on our way to take Loona in for her very important Hellbies s-h-o-t."

You looked over at Loona and gave her a reassuring smile, but Loona just gigged you.

"Oh, ha, ha. Well, I do agree that is very important...But, I-" Stolas got caught off because of Striker.

"Don't worry about your lanky birdy...he's in good hands." The phone line vanished.

"Gaaagh, damn it!"

Blitz moves the clutch forward and the car speeds down the highway.

"Sir, let me, Moxxie and Y/n handle this one." Millie suggested.

"Me?! Why me?"

"Yeah, I don't want Y/n to get hurt." Blitz looked at you. Does he think I can't do it? He's the one that begged me to join.

"Actually, I do want to help you guys. I haven't whacked shit in a while." You chuckled.

"What's up with you and whacking?" Moxxie pointed.

"It's better than sticking a needle in my arm isn't it, Mox?"

Moxxie looked like he was about to say something but didn't.

"Okay, are you sure you three got this alone?" Blitz looked back.

"We can do it, sir." Moxxie smiled as his wife put a cowboy hat on him.

"Alright. Well, hurry. Stolas sounds like he might be in real shit this time." Blitz pulled up to the tall St. An's Hospital main building. "And knowing that guy's aesthetic, my money's that he's in Wrath." Blitz drops the car keys into Moxxie's hand, as Blitz pulls Loona out of the van and carries her over his head. "Now, get your asses down there and look for some cowboy crap or something."

Moxxie drives the van away. You sat in the back seat so Millie could sit up front with her husband.

"So Y/n, Mox and I been wonderin, what are you and Blitz?"

Your eyes widened, not so sure what to say. "Uh..I don't really know. Why?"

"You two have a connection. Mox and I can see it." Millie smiled. "Do you like our boss." She smirked.

"I mean, I do have to fuck him and Stolas once a month so.." You laughed nervously. "I grew up with Blitz. He's been my childhood best friend and I don't want to ruin things, ya know?"

"So you do like him! Mox, I told you!" Millie shook her husband.

"Millie I'm trying to drive!"

"Whoa, whoa I never said I liked him."

"You said 'I don't want to ruin things,' so technically you did out yourself." She had a smug look on her face.

You playfully rolled your eyes. "I may have ended up having small feelings for him, but there's no way we can get in a relationship. There's a weird thing happening between him and Stolas...and I don't want to say anything that may ruin the ability to get the book, or ruining any sort of relationship."

"How did you become a part of the transactual fucking?" Moxxie asked.

"Ha! Funny story. I was on the streets for like 2 weeks before calling Blitz asking him to pick me up. By the way, haven't spoken to each other in like 15 or so years. So I lived with him, obviously met you guys, then a week later he made me go with him to take Stolas' fancy book aka, the first time we all fucked. And then Stolas wanted to fuck me and Blitz, but to be honest mostly Blitz. So Blitz decided it would be a great idea to play along and now I am stuck fucking my boss and the Prince, at the same time."

"Wow..." M&M said.

"Wait, but I thought you and Blitz fuck one on one?" Moxxie recollected.

"Eventually yeah. And can we please stop talking about this? Weirds me out."

"Now you know how we feel whenever Blitz talks about Millie's and I's relationship."

"Oh come on, Mox." Millie laughed. "We all need to go on a double date."

"Fuck no. I don't want Blitz to know I have feelings for him. I think he suspects it but we haven't really said anything."

"Are you afraid he won't like ya back?" Millie frowned.

"Not necessarily. During my whole life and me with drugs it made our relationship a little rocky. Especially whenever I left and ghosted him for years. And even now I still relapse on drugs and he gets hurt or angry over it. I don't think we'll be good in a relationship." You looked out the window.

M&M exchanged glances.

"I'm sure in the future everything will be better." Millie reached out for your hand, in which you gladly received.

The van pulled up to the gas station. "I'll grab the gas. You two go and see if anyone's seen Striker anywhere."

You and Millie left the van and spotted the mariachi band.

"Howdy, boys! Y'all seen this motherfucker riding around here?" Mille shows the band a picture of Striker firing off a gun.

"He's galloping-" They started to sing.

"No, NO! No singing! Just a yes or no, please."

"Yeah, he lives out by the Badman Lands, in the old train tunnel near the mine shafts. Very outlaw aesthetic, ya can't miss it."

"Thank you, kindly. Come on, Mox! We got a lead!"

"Whoa what the fuck happened here?" You snickered.

All three get back into the van. Moxxie speeds forward, taking off the biker's head and exploding the gas station.

"So you think that band made it out alive?" You joked, making Millie laugh.

"I wouldn't mind being in a band. I can play guitar while Millie sings." Moxxie beamed.

"Don't you guys do that already?"

"I-..well yeah." Moxxie replied. "I think that's the place!" Moxxie slammed onto the gas. You and Millie held on tightly to the "Oh Shit" bars.

"Get ready to fight!" Moxxie yelled out.

"Wait who's gonna try to save Stolas?" You yelled.

M&M eyeballed you.

"Of course." You mumbled.

The I.M.P van breaks through the cave wall, tumbling down an embankment and as the van comes to a rest. Moxxie opens the door with a rifle in his hand. You waited until Striker was occupied with M&M so you could free Stolas.

You held your metal pole tightly and found your way over to Stolas.

"Holy shit. Let's get you out of here."

"Y/n! Oh how I missed you." He coughed out in pain.

"I missed you too." You tried to undo the ropes but it was too tight. "I wish I brought a knife of some sort." You looked over at the fight and saw that Millie has an ax.

You looked back at Stolas and tried to drag him but he cried out in pain, getting Strikers attention.

"Oh goddamnit." You whispered, preparing to fight with the pole.

You ran towards him and swung your pole at his head. Striker yelled out in pain but didn't fall.

You were going at it again, swinging the pole but Striker kicked your legs. He pinned you down with his foot, just like how he did when you two first fought each other.

"Givin' me déjà vu." He smirked.

Moxxie picked up your pole that was sitting on the ground and hit him with it, you scrambled out of that position and grabbed Millie's ax. "I need this to free Stolas."

"What's up with this goddamn pole." Striker growled, rubbing his head.

Moxxie and Millie teamed up so Striker wouldn't see what's happening with you and Stolas.

You carefully cut the rope to free him. Stolas was groaning in pain, his hand over the wound of his shoulder.

"You're going to be alright." You reassured him in a soothing voice, but deep down you're nervous about him not surviving.

You jolted your head whenever you heard Striker's statue fall. You let out a breath of relief that the fight is over.

Moxxie walked over to the statue, "Fuck." He mumbled.

"What's wrong?" You yelled out, Millie walked over to where you and Stolas were.

"He's gone." Moxxie looked their way. "Oh crumbs! We've got to get him to a hospital!"

The three helped pick up Stolas and laid him in the back seat. You gently lifted up his head and rest it on your lap.

Moxxie sped off, Millie occasionally looking back to see how Stolas was doing.

"He's breathing, but it's very slow." You gently brushed his feathered hair. "You're going to be okay." You whispered.

The van pulled up to the hospital. Millie and Moxxie quickly got out and opened up the back door. Paramedics and the paparazzi swarmed over. They picked up his unconscious body and placed him on a stretcher.

You got out of the van, covered in Stolas' blood and feathers.

"Sir, are you alright?" Moxxie said to Blitz as he got up from being trampled.

"Oh, peachy. Yeah, no. Today has been wonderful, what the fuck was THAT about?" Blitz pointed to the hospital doors.

"Stolas got hurt, bad." Millie had the look of worry on her face.

"Stolas got what? How?... He can get hurt?" His eyes became glossy. Blitz noticed you trembling, looking at the black blood that was on you.

"Is that yours or Stolas'?" Blitz said in worry.

"Mostly Stolas'." You mumbled.

"Let's go home. I can drive." Moxxie put his hand on Blitz's back.

The five got into the van, you sitting in the back. Blitz opened up the door and saw blood and feathers covering the inside of his car. He swallowed and got into the van, sliding over to you to make room for Loona.

The ride home was pretty quiet. You saw Blitz pull out his phone and was presumably texting Stolas.

You were going to text him but you weren't feeling it. You rested your head on the window, taking in the view of the scenery as the van passed by so many buildings.

Blitz glanced over at you, his hand made its way to yours. You looked over at him and sadly smiled before holding it.

"I'm glad you're okay." He said above a whisper.

You chewed on your lip and nodded. You feel like it's your fault, if you took some stimulants then Stolas wouldn't be too badly hurt. But in reality that doesn't matter if you took it or not. It wouldn't make the events change.

Whenever they have to go assassinate again, you're thinking about taking stimulants. You kept telling yourself that you're only going to do it before the job, just like how you told yourself that  you're only going to do it before the circus performance.

Fuck, I forgot my pole.

[ccasey0]

Okay, i have the first five stars. this took way longer than expected lol.

@allyheart707 is the one on Casey's tail. she is the star of sleep, and her bow carries dream arrows that grant those she shoots with it the dreams they will love the most.

@onlyhereforturtles is the fox looking at the black that Casey always leaves behind when he walks. They are a kitsune with markings that were surprisingly hard to get right. i was unable to add in all the stuff they mentioned, but i hope this is still acceptable.

@kitmay05 is the one waving at Casey. She is a small farmer who harvests shinedust and gifts it in little pouches to people in need. different kinds of shinedust has different qualities. she has a hoe that can be used for farming or whacking.

@cosmocafe is the goat floating at the top left. the only thing they mentioned was for the goat to have a scarf, so i made up a few little things while i was drawing. they can float and wherever they step they leave swirls of various different temperatures depending on the season. they help make the winter cold and the summer hot.

@icequeenabby is the little owl on Casey's head. she flies around the night sky while the other farmer stars are working to harvest the shinedust. she likes to fly underneath them and catch some of the stray dust on her wings. she will then happily fly around the newer shines that are just blooming and shower then with the dust to make them glow even brighter. she also has a stick. there isn't anything special about this stick. but she will kill you if you try to take it from her.

Whew, okay. that took forever. i still have two more stars to add to this, and then i wanna make individual drawings for each star. also, im calling the characters "stars" and the actual glowing dots in the sky "shines" so as not to get them confused with each other. I also want to add that i'm sorry if the stars don't look exactly how you guys described them. i did my best, and for some of the harder ones i just gave up and simplified them. at this point i'm too tired to change anything about it. oh. the explanation for why the stars are following Casey. sometimes, Casey will be walking through the Night sky to do something. sme of the stars see him and decide "oh! it's the Night Spirit! i bet i could help him with some stuff!" and they just start following him. they usually follow him around for as long as possible until he tells them to leave or to go do something. they will even follow him outside of the nighttime. Casey acts like he despises these little guys and their persistence. but he actually adores each one of them and will take a bullet to protect his tiny star bebes. the edgelord will never admit it though.

also, fun fact: the night sky is a little world of its own! it may just look like the sky from the earth, but it is more of a vast expanse of white where all the night spirits live. and yes, i know what you are thinking. "white? shouldn't it be black?" well, It is a mix of both. Wherever the upper spirits walk, the leave black footprints that spread like markers bleeding into paper. the blackness will eventually all drip away and land on the border between the celestial realm and the mortal one. then it just stays there, making the sky look black to everyone below. the Shines are bright enough to be able to shine through the backness though, giving the look of a night sky. also, only spirits can go through the borders alone. any mortal has to have celestial help to get to the celestial realm.

it might be a bit until i work on this again since i have a ton of work to do, family staying at our house for the eclipse, a bunch of other drawings i wanna get done, and way too little sleep to function properly. so yeah, imma sleep for a bit. catch up on some stuff. and then i will likely start up on this again. ALSO!! feel free to make this digital and add your own stars to this! i'd love to see what other people can come up with for this!

info on the au can be found Here! oke, bye now. hope you like it!

[silent-raven13]

NO, HOBIE!

(AU: Ya'll ever read No, David? That lil fuckin' cholo silver teeth lookin ass brat? I just had a thought 😂)

Miguel shouting at the punker, who's wobbling to the edge of building, "NO, BROWN! I swear to GOD if you jump in that fucking pool of possessed Spider-people, I will kill you myself!" The last thing they needed was this ridiculous punker joining in on the chaos of all of this!

Hobie grinning widely under his mask being very tempted, and hated being told what to do. The gang were in a world where Dr. Oct created a dangerous serum that got Spider-people to do his bidding, and leaking out green salvia with their mouths morphed into Spider mouth. Seems like this Dr. Oct found a way to copy Shathra being similar to her Spider Wasp beings.

Luckily Lyla was working on a cure, while Miguel is trying to keep the gang from changing and stopping the mad-villain. However, Hobie saw the opportunity to fuck shit up as always! Why is it when Miguel always say no, there's always trouble from Spider-punk?

"Is that a threat?" Spider-Punk innocently asked with his goofy Spider-Punk mask beaming at Spider-man 2099.

Peni in her Sp//dr suit letting out a low groan, "Hobie, NO! Come on, this is serious!"

Miguel growling through his teeth. Pavtri had his hands out, "You know, Miguel doesn't mean it. Hobie, come on, my dude!"

"Brown, I am warning you!" The older Spider-man growls in anger.

"Mmm, I'm hearing a yes?" The Spider-Punk stick his long lanky leg out pretending to fall.

"NO, HOBIE! Bad! I'ma tell on Miles!" Peni shouted.

Spider-Punk quickly stood back hearing his Sunflower's name. Then, the massive urge to jump to the pile of infected people with Ace monstrous features got him pump. Those intrusive thoughts winning especially when Miguel commanded, "It's an order, Brown. Get over here, now!"

"Okay. Okay, no need to get your trousers in a mix." Hobie happily walks away at the edge hearing relief sighs, then he quickly turns back to jump down, "PSYCH! You thought!"

They all had their mouth dropped when their punker friend literally got infected all because his intrusive thoughts were in the way!

"HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE!" Miguel cursing out loud enrage by his fellow Spider-Punk, ruining another mission just to fuck with him. The rest of the Spider-heroes saw their friend already turned into a freaky humanoid Spider causing ruckus.

"ALL FOR ANARCHY! I LOVE IT!" He shouted before he made odd growls.

"Ugh, and we needed him, too." Peni groans.

Pavtri rolled his eyes, "So what do we do now?"

"Hey guys, Miles was able to knock out Dr. Oct! How's your part of the plan going?" Gwen asked as she speaks through the intercom.

Miguel already raging at the side having to curse out in Spanish. Peni and Pavtri stood on top of the building with no luck of achieving their goal, "Yeah, about that..." Peni began.

Gwen let out a low groan, "Don't tell me... Hobie?"

"Yeah." The two sounded so bum about this outcome and exhausted.

"And Miguel?" She asked.

Pavtri answered, "He's uhhh..." Seeing his leader still ranting out loud in anger, "might need a drink later..."

"Oh god!" Gwen growls.

Then Miles' voice appeared, "What? What happened? Did the mission failed?" He had tied up the Dr. Oct variant up with metal bars. Then stood with his friend being confused.

"Guess." She sighs being exhausted.

"What did Hobie do this time?" Miles' voice already sounded drained knowing full well this was his boyfriend's doings. "Gawd, please tell he didn't jump in the infected?"

"He jumped in the infected." They all said with tiredness in their voice a bit annoyed at that.

"UGHHH! Let me go get him!" Miles groans, "Gwen, you have to go over there and help them. I'll be here and bring back Hobie since he's acting like a damn two year old!"

"Okay, be careful. Hobie might be a monster and hurt you." Gwen pointed out then chuckles, "Ha, that sounded stupid when I said that out loud."

"Then, I'll whack the shit out of him for being dumb!" Miles huffs already headed out to search for his man. Gwen went over to the other group to help them out with their goal in breaking in the building to let Lyla have control.

Meanwhile, Miles spotted his boyfriend causing a mess. "NO, HOBIE! PUT THAT DOWN!" He jump behind his boyfriend being a few inches away.

Possessed Hobie made sounds out of his mouth, this was Shathra all over again! Miles crosses his arms, "Hobie, you are in big trouble! Why did you turned into this?"

"Grr... hissssss, SsSSUNFLOWER!" His Spider-Punk happily rushes over to give him a hug knowing a familiar scent and face. His Sunflower being present had brought back his memories and focus on being his Spider-Punk self.

"Bae, you're infected! Stay put." Miles took a step back.

"NNNOOOO, Sunflower! Huuuggg meee!" He follows his boyfriend wanting affection.

Miles was able to lead his boyfriend away from the rest of the infected into the building where Dr. Oct was capture. His Spider-Punk fighting off any infected trying to get close to him, which was a good thing that infection isn't madding the punker.

Hobie snuggle his Sunflower when having the chance, "Sunflower!"

"Hobie, if you bite me, I will give you the Silent treatment." His Sunflower warned him as he types into the computer to have the building where his friends are opened up.

"Nooooooo!" He buries his face into his shoulder wanting cuddles. "Pay attention to me!"

"Okay, guys. I got it." He said through the intercom as his boyfriend became super needy.

"Alright, we're in!" Gwen answered.

After all that, the mission became a success. Lyla was able to make a cure, and had everyone turned back to normal. Miles grab his boyfriend's shirt giving him a full blown lecture, "Next time, you decided to let your intrusive thoughts get in your way, I will personally punish you, Hobie! No means No! I know, damn well you only did it to piss off Miguel."

Hobie stupidly stand with his legs a few inches apart to be on his boyfriend's level, his Spider-Punk mask being so bug eyed. "You're going to punish me, luv? Kinky."

"Oh shut up!" Miles keeping his serious attitude, "Next time, your not gonna be in a mission with me."

"Nooo, luv! Don't be so cruel!" His punker whines, seeing how much he upsetter his boyfriend. "Don't ignore me."

Miles gave him the silent treatment. Gwen slurp her slushie, "So... you think it was worth it?" She looks at Hobie.

Peni and Pavtri chuckles seeing the punker being dragged by holding on Miles' ankles. Good that what's he gets.

[batsplat]

thoughts on challengers ? 👀

haha okay sure. I was overthinking this when I first saw this ask but since then I've sent half an hour worth of voice notes to my number one person I send half hour's worth of voice notes to (listen she keeps encouraging me to) and I've ironed some of my thoughts out. also I should probably watch it again. some of this might be me misremembering shit. also it's not that serious. quick warning, this ended up being just. too long. it's basically just a long rant. under the cut it goes

so first of all, I really enjoyed watching this film. I liked the central premise a lot, I liked the chemistry between the characters, tashi was very hot, the score was fantastic, the cinematography was at least interesting, and a lot of the non-tennis bits are interesting

having gotten that out of the way. there's an interview where guadagnino says he doesn't watch tennis matches because he finds them boring, which to be clear is completely fair enough - but I do think it does slightly come across in how the tennis is filmed. there's definitely fun, neat stuff in there: the shot where it follows around the ball, the shot from underneath the court, all of that stuff. and I think there's obviously a lot of challenges with filming tennis when you have to make sure you can't, like, see the actors actually play tennis, and I don't know anything about film-making so I don't want to judge it too harshly. but there are a few established angles from which tennis looks good, and this film doesn't really use them all that much. it was interesting to what extent they went for side shots (basically from the tashi pov in the final match) rather than... well, picking a side, and at different points of that match actually giving the viewer a clearer sense of the visceral nature of what they're doing here. like, if you're going court level from behind the player, that's how you capture the weight of the shot on screen. which felt was a little bit... missing

okay... ffs this next section ended up kind of being tennis tactics 101, and then the other bit ended up being about how matches work. my basic point here is that I think this film did some interesting stuff with the tennis but, and this is part of my more longstanding frustrations about the untapped narrative potential of sports, I think you could've done a lot more and communicated a lot more through the actual tennis. not just for annoying people who want to go 'oh look that's an extreme western grip and explains why her forehand has so much spin but can also be fragile when absorbing pressure!!' but for the general viewing audience. I want to be very clear here: I do not really care about realism except when I'm being annoying in voice notes, I care about storytelling. if you understandably do not give a shit about all this tactics and match construction stuff, skip to the bit marked 3 for more of my thoughts related to the actual film

1

now you might go 'okay but this film isn't about capturing tennis and doing it justice - it's not even about tennis'. yeah, but tennis is the central metaphor! tennis is a relationship, right, but it's also a conversation. it's a way of communicating something to the audience, yes, in a way non-tennis fans can also pick up on. and a lot of the tennis looked pretty same-y. the points were very similar - the intensity was ramped up mainly by the characters just... whacking the ball harder, running side by side, and then sometimes they both move forwards. this isn't a realism issue, it's a storytelling issue. you can tell a story with a tennis point, you can construct these points in different ways to tell you different things

just to give you an example (I promise this is relevant): okay, the most common rally pattern in tennis is hitting cross court. so either you hit on the deuce court (from your pov, this is from the right side of your court to the left side of the other player's court, aka the forehand side for right handed players) or the ad court (the opposite, and thus the backhand side for right handed players). this is for a bunch of tactical reasons. the net is at its lowest in the middle so, y'know, you're less likely to hit it. perhaps most importantly, it's a question of angles and... okay look I don't want to bore the two people reading this with the details but just to very quickly explain, here:

say player a is hitting the ball along the red line to player b, the orange zone depicts the theoretical area in which the ball trajectory of player b's answering shot can go. like, if you want to get the other player to move 'out of the court', you can only do so by going back cross court... which is obviously where, in a cross court exchange, the other player is already standing. this is why a lot of the times, players don't 'recover' after their shots to the exact centre of the court, but instead make a judgement of where the centre is of the theoretical zone the opponent can hit. to put it in plain english: I hit a forehand cross, I don't move back to the exact middle of the court because I know where you can hit the ball back and I need to be in the middle of that - which skews to the right of centre. also, I just know it's more likely you're going to go cross again, because that's just how this works

you want to move the other player around, right, first of all to get the ball past them - but also to make it harder for them to attack you. you're trying to construct a point so that eventually they are the one who can't reach the ball/makes an error, not you. a lot of the times, continuing to go cross court is the smart option. it's less risky than going down the line, and also if your down the line shot isn't perfect, where it isn't a winner or at least a shot they'll struggle to attack, then you're setting up a situation where they have all the angle in the world to work with, where the centre of their theoretical hitting zone is nowhere near where you're actually standing and they can easily whack the ball past you

now, why the fuck does this matter when we're talking about the tennis threesome film? obviously, I don't expect the director to interrupt the film to explain angles to the audience. in tennis terms, 'go cross court' is tactics for babies, but it's still not something most viewers will be instinctively familiar with. but think about what it actually does if players keep exchanging shots cross court because they can't risk going down the line: they're engaging in a direct contest! they are measuring one shot against the other, my forehand against your forehand, my backhand against your backhand, and they are trying to assert dominance. sometimes, you have no choice to escape that exchange even when it's risky because their raw cross court shot is better than yours. sometimes, you're trapped in that exchange. how you can extract metaphors from that should be fairly obvious, and I don't think this should be visually too tough to get across - it's a power struggle between two people contained within a simple shot pattern. it adds variation to what the viewer is being shown (and, yes, it does make the points feel more realistic), but it's also a way of gradually ramping up intensity. my shot against your shot - who wins? who is willing to risk deviating from the norm? who sets themselves up for a trap - does patrick sucker art into attacking him down the line? can he then manage to counterpunch (to use attack as defence) by making it to art's shot in time and placing his response into the open court? who blinks first etc etc

look, this is only one way you can visually use tennis to add to the story. another common tactic is (if you're a right handed player) hitting forehands from the ad court, to 'run around the backhand'. that's an expression of dominance, it's a power play - you're trying to bully your opponent with your most powerful shot (which is the forehand for 99% of players, some might have better backhands but they won't have stronger ones), and you're deliberately recovering less to the centre. you're camping out on the ad side, and going 'yeah I don't actually think your down the line shot is good enough to hurt me, I actually feel very comfortable standing right here so I can more easily move far enough to the left to continue hitting forehands'. it's a tactic that is implicitly passing judgement on the opponent, and again, I refuse to believe you can't show this in a way that the audience understands roughly what's going on. have patrick bully art with his forehand into the weaker backhand or vice versa - they can use their faces to show how comfortable they are with their respective positions. y'know, make the actors act. have one of them find the backhand down the line, fire it into the bit of the court the opponent has completely left open. your characters are using tennis to assert dominance over each other, to manipulate, to deceive each other - you can do that with the actual tennis they're playing

you can also express character through tennis. I'm not saying different play styles function as a personality quiz, but inherently the way you play is going to reflect what you feel comfortable with doing on the tennis court. is your preferred point three shots long or twenty shots long? are you looking to dominate your opponent with your big weapons, or are you looking to trick them with your variety of shots and smarts in using them? or are you looking to just grind them into submission with sheer relentless consistency?

take the drop shot: a shot that 'drops' right after it clears the net as a result of how the player has put a different kind of spin onto it. ideally, it's so close to the net the opponent can't sprint forward quickly enough to reach the ball. how effective your drop shot is depends on several things. obviously, it's how good the shot and the placement and the spin you've put on it is. it also depends on where you're standing and where your opponent is standing, which means that particularly effective dropshots usually come after big, heavy attacking shots that have forced the opponent to move back and have allowed you to move into the court. and it also depends how good your disguise is: for as long as possible, it should look like the shot you're playing is going to be a bog standard forehand or backhand - until you readjust your grip at the last moment and slash the racquet downwards (vs the upwards motion you'd make with the bog standard forehand or backhand). this is a shot that depends on the element of surprise. it's about trying to fuck with your opponent, it's about choosing your moment. it's about playing with them! and you can get pretty memorable reactions from your opponent. if you wrong foot them well enough, they'll literally stumble when they realise what's happening and never even start running. maybe they'll comically flail their arms

I feel like when the men's world number seven throws his arms up in shock every time somebody hits a short ball, you can probably convey this kind of dynamic in a film

and think about what it says if somebody's using a shot like that. again, you're trying to fuck with the other player, and you are relying on your knowledge of the opponent to figure out when they might be susceptible to it. now, obviously, this is tough to do when you're playing someone for the first time and (unlike top level professional players) don't have a vast amount of data to work with and how often xyz shot works against them in xyz situation. this is generally why early in a match, it's a good idea to just like, test some stuff out to give yourself a sense of how they'd react, if it's a good idea to use it in a pressure situation (you also do a version of this in the warm up if you're smart, just check how they react to that high ball to the backhand! all about being curious y'know). but if you know someone, if this is an established rivalry, if this is someone you've played with since you're kids... well. then it's a different ball game entirely

patrick has the psychological edge in that match-up, right, and the whole point of that final match is that it shouldn't be that close but it's that close due to the mental dynamics between the pair of them. patrick constantly wrong-footing art and frustrating him is the easiest way in the world to visually demonstrate that dynamic. you're constantly trying to guess what your opponent is going to do, you're constantly trying to anticipate, yeah? you know what I said above about how you're 'recovering' to the centre of the theoretical zone and all that? well, sometimes you don't do that - you guess where the opponent is going to go. most often, you've got to do that when you know the opponent has a relatively easy shot and they can hurt you with it, so you have to play the probabilities and hope you get it right... it's basically like a penalty kick in football. it's a quick judgement you're making on the basis of past data, of what you think your opponent is thinking, of how big a risk you want to make - of when to time it, because if you move too early they can still change the trajectory of their shot and go the other way. maybe you even feint one way before darting the other. and your opponent might shoot one way or the other... but, sometimes they'll drop shot you while you're moving in one direction as you frantically try to change course. or, which is even more humiliating, they'll go straight down the middle - since you're no longer standing there

in narrative terms, what does it tell you if a character guesses rightly or wrongly? what would it say if art or patrick had that kind of intimate knowledge of each other - I know you usually do this, but I know you know that so I'm going to go the other way - round and round in circles, a mental contest between people who are so familiar with each other that it can become actively confusing to try and preempt their moves. tennis is a relationship and it's a conversation and the way we construct a point tells us a story about the history between you and me. it tells us a story if art, the six time slam winner and more accomplished player by far, is being read so perfectly by patrick that he's tripping over himself and getting in his own way and flailing. one of the most common commentating cliches is about the ball, or indeed the player, being attached to the end of a string. the extension of that metaphor is that one player is the puppet master and the other player is a puppet. easy visual metaphor bingo

you can literally express how the characters feel about each other by... where they're standing. if you're scared of your opponent's shot, then you're going to try and give yourself more time to react. if you are on the attack, then you need to move in, to take the ball earlier, to take time away from the opponent. to me, if you're showing fictional tennis, you really should be playing with time and how you can use cinematic techniques to play with that sense of time. now, you can do this on the broader level of the match, because your subjective sense of time is dependent on how well you're doing in a match. time never moves faster than when you're losing a six love set. but it's also obviously integral to actual points, because you are usually trying to maximise your own time and minimise your opponent's, trying to make sure you will always have enough time to get to the ball and making sure they won't (obviously often u kinda have to pick one of those because of how time works)

where you stand on the court is an integral part of that, for obvious reasons related to 'basic physics'. and, again, it's also psychological. take the return position, right, aka where you're standing when the opponent is serving. most people have a built-in preference for both the first and second serve, and a kind of basic 'return strategy' of what kind of shot they'd like to use and where to move. generally, you'll stand further back for the first serve because it's more powerful... but hey, maybe you have a slightly unorthodox return strategy where you're just trying to 'block' the first serve and use the weight of the opponent's shot against them, and then you step back for the second serve and have a massive whack at them. just as an example

and, again, this is another way in which you try to fuck with your opponent. there is nothing more annoying than seeing the twat on the other side of the net move in to the court by an insulting amount because they don't respect your shitty second serve and think they can take a swing at it from in front of the baseline. some players just do this in general - prime offenders on the women's side are garcia and ostapenko (and with all love to them, they do this more than is perhaps tactically prudent)

(for the other end of the spectrum, see another place from which you can theoretically return a serve from if you're out of your fucking mind) (this particular player's return strategy has been like a top five discourse point over the last few years but we do not have time to get into all that)

but you can also vary it up in a match, and you probably should if you're being smart. so for instance (and there's a specific match in 2022 I'm thinking of here), if you know your opponent has an awful second serve and a lovely little habit of double faulting when under pressure, maybe as the returner you just... well, look, the ball from the first serve has rolled right to your feet, so obviously you need to politely pass it to the ballperson, and maybe it just takes a little bit longer so that you know the server is looking right at you when you meander in front of the baseline to wait for their second serve. and then they double fault and that's the break of serve right there. you're not always standing that close to return second serves, but you're standing there when you know it'll make them most nervous. again, I am not saying the tennis threesome film needs to explain the difference between jelena ostapenko's and daniil medvedev's return strategies, but these ARE the kinds of things you CAN organically integrate, and give you very blunt and easy to understand messages about the characters and their dynamic

and like... different people have different play styles, yeah? let them express a little character! tashi is relentless, maybe she's constantly attempting to take everything with her forehand to attack and attack, or maybe she trusts herself to attack from any place with any shot. maybe she's so lively and confident and uncompromising that she uses down the line shots more than anyone else, or maybe there's surprising subtlety there in how the intensity and rage fades away for a moment as she flutters a slice across the net. what is it about her game that so captivates the two boys, its aggression or its complexity? is her game already more complete and well-defined and self-aware than it has any right to be from a high school student? or is it raw and untamed and a little wild and so full of potential?

art has a one-handed backhand and uniqlo gear in a very obvious federer allusion, but does he share any more with federer than that? is he particularly prone to rushing the net, especially after the serve? does he want to end points quickly? does he have good hands, is he trying to wrong-foot his opponent - or is he the one constantly getting wrong-footed as the others dance around him? is he constantly trying to assert his dominance, to end points quickly, and initially you think it's a sign of his power and confidence... but then you realise that it's insecurity - he's worried what will happen if they go on too long, if he gives too many chances to other players to outsmart him, if he's uncomfortable playing defence because it makes him feel reactive and weak. maybe in the second set he has to knuckle down and accept the rallies will be long and gruelling - which is a central aspect of tennis, it's about patience and managing risk. maybe he's so tense and nervous that he's just an error machine in the first set, but then he decides to just slow the pace and live with patrick in those forehand to forehand exchanges, let his natural weight of shot do the talking for him and force patrick to change things up

and patrick, with the unorthodox technique and the sleeveless shirts and the money and how he never really grew up - what does that tell us about his tennis? is it rough and energetic, big swings at the ball, layering on more and more spin to propel it high over the net? does he throw a massive forehand at art's backhand, making him hit it at a high point that is naturally uncomfortable for the one handed backhand? wouldn't it be interesting if you had patrick have a strong point to his game that naturally matches up to art's weak point, the chink in the six time grand slam champion's armour? what about the physicality, does he lunge further and harder and throw himself into balls just that little bit more? is he stronger than art, or is he faster, or is he neither? is he driven by instinct and gets in his own way less than art does, or is he tactically more astute and gets the better of art that way?

obviously you can't do all of those things in a film and you shouldn't because it's distracting. but what I'm trying to demonstrate here is that there is a whole range of potential storytelling you can tap into here. now, nobody's actually doing this, and my thing with challengers is that in many ways it came closer to the kind of narratives I would like to see. but then it still falls short just a touch, which is where the frustration comes in

a rivalry has got a history that is woken up again every time you step on court to face your old foe - you remember how they play, you already know what you want to do to beat them this time. you are trying to unsettle them. you know how they want to play and you want to deny them that opportunity. inevitably, any defined play style tells us something about the player and their personality and their approach to the game. the film is quite scarce on details about its lead characters and using the tennis more deftly would've been a great way to give us a stronger sense of who they are in a very economical, concise way. what does it mean for tashi's game that she can no longer run? yes, obviously it means she can't compete any longer, but the injury does different things symbolically depending on how big a part movement was of her game. often, tennis injuries directly affect your strengths. take a player who puts a lot of heavy spin on the ball by snapping their wrist - they are putting more strain on said wrist and may end up injuring it (a particularly terrible part of the body to injure for a tennis player). there's something extra cruel about that because it also affects how they'll recover, if they'll ever be able to trust that body part again. these are career-threatening injuries not just for physical but for psychological reasons. same thing if you're a great server with a shoulder injury... or if you're a great mover with a leg injury

also, and okay this probably did come across as nitpicking and it's not really an issue if it worked for people who aren't familiar with tennis... but omg the last point was so confusing. did check and this wasn't just a me problem, though I'd be curious if it worked for people less familiar with the game. when they came closer and closer to the net and hit back and forth, I thought what was happening was that they'd like, given up competing and were just hitting back and forth as a symbol of defiance or something. that they'd basically decided to stop playing the match and just play with each other. because like, you just can't do that in a match, the point would immediately be over especially if they're just standing there - they're too close! you'd immediately get the ball past! so I only realised when the film was over that it was supposed to be a really intense point... but I think that's the kind of thing where most people watching will probably be fine with it, so again. y'know. whatever. I do think you could have staged that point a little more cleverly to get to the same conclusion in a more natural way, but also. whatever. it's fine

(obviously there are also some other broader suspension of disbelief issues that I'm far less bothered about. the technique was like, not great, but also probably about as good as you'll get from actors, though again I would've liked a little more thought put into what they're doing beyond 'art's got a one handed backhand and patrick's got a quirky serve!' I thought the patrick serve thing was really neat and fun and theoretically you could hit a serve like that, though quite frankly in the men's game you'd probably be fucked because you need more racquet acceleration than that - but that does fit in with his character and the stubbornness and all that so it's fine. the art serve quirk... well, most players deliberately construct serving rituals like bouncing the ball several times or ball placement or whatever because it's the one shot in tennis that's completely 'on your own racquet' but is also really tough, so you're trying to trick your brain into always doing the same thing. I find it a little tough to believe art wouldn't have been aware of what he was doing, but again, not a massive issue. beyond my concerns about the lack of variation in the points they were showing, it did also trip me up whenever they were obviously stranded in no-man's land - you need to be either on/behind the baseline or right at the net and there's certain areas of the court where if you spend too long in them you are very much fucked. the whole concept of 'recovering' after a shot is like, as important part of tennis movement as getting there in the first place, and there's whole footwork patterns you use while you're hitting the shot and immediately afterwards to get yourself in position again. at times they'd just be standing in place in the fuck end of where on earth are you standing until the next shot comes and. listen. it really Does Not Matter beyond how it's fun to be annoying about this stuff but it did make me a bit twitchy)

2

so. match constructions and narrative arcs. I think if a literal match of tennis is the framing device of your film, you should think about the natural narrative tension that exists within a literal match of tennis. again, a match is a conversation, it has its ebbs and flows and peaks and troughs and all that other stuff. you are more tense at *4-5 30:30 than you are at 1-1* 15:0. you are feeling better about your life choices at 6-4 *5-3 than you are at 7-6(8) 0-6 *1-3. you change over the course of a match, as you test yourself physically and mentally and acquire a situationally specific data bank about yourself and the other player, as you notice and learn certain things about what's going on in your own game and your opponent's game. maybe you have a moment where you go 'yup the backhand's a catastrophe today, time to slice everything and hope for the best' or you go 'lol that's the third consecutive djokosmash they've hit, maybe I'll throw the ball high up again next time they get to the net'

also obviously all these things vary over the course of a match - and they do so more than they have any right to! there's no logical reason why 6-1 1-6 6-1 scorelines should happen, but they do! because game breaks and changeovers and set breaks and all of it can represent massive shifts in momentum. you play a *5-0 game differently than a *0-1 game, and suddenly those beautiful forehands you were ripping for half an hour are all flying out of the stadium and, shit, time to change tactics to defend more except now you're really screwed because you're playing your opponent's game. the most important thing to remember about tennis is that it fucking sucks. matches are psychological torture. I want to feel that part when watching the tennis threesome film

the basic mechanism of narrative tension in a match is the serve vs return dynamic. if you serve, you need to protect your serve, because those are the games you are supposed to be winning. if you return, you need to attack the opponent's serve, because those games represent opportunity. you want your service games to be short and fast and you want your return games to be long and tough and miserable for your opponent. and after every game, it ticks back again - you are literally passing the ball to the other side of the court. your turn, have fun!

there are a million different ways you can construct tension on a micro level within a match. you have breakpoints/matchpoints, obviously, which to some extent the film did feature. you have games that just get stuck on deuce, with neither player able to win the requisite two points in a row to release them, so it's like... basically groundhog day in sports as you keep trotting from one side of the court to the other, both players frustrated, one unable to escape the danger and the other unable to seize the opportunity. battle of the wills. games can completely realistically last more than twenty points. obviously you've got tiebreaks, which again the film did feature (though icl I had no clue what the score was supposed to be, again it doesn't matter but). you have the old cliche of 'it's not a break of serve unless you've backed it up' (aka by holding your own serve) and how common it is to be broken straight back for various nasty psychological reasons

I wish they'd played with this a little more, just showed a little more of why the players were reacting emotionally in the way that they were at certain stages of the match - rather than just basically reacting to the flashback we've just seen. like, there's plenty of reasons why a player might get particularly angry at a certain point of a match in a way that just feels a bit more organic. if tennis is the medium through which to explore this three-way relationship, then showcase that push and pull factor, those changes in momentum. the film suggests patrick has always had the upper hand - I'd make more clear this is the classic 'pigeon' dynamic where basically the head to head between two players is more skewed than it has any right to be given how 'good' those two respective players actually are. usually that means there's something funky going on with the play styles or it's something mental or it's an interaction between the two. patrick really cares about art, right, and then he's always able to beat him because he gets him and knows how to mess with him. art has the more raw ability(?) but it takes a bit longer for him to actually realise how good he is, in part because he always lost to patrick

the way they should've done this imo have a place where art does actually choke a sizeable lead, a kind of unexpected switch of momentum. like have this be the first set where art comes in hot and is y'know the obviously better player and all that, but then patrick just increasingly manages to unsettle him. make it a proper bad one, say *5-2 to 5-7. throw in a long deuce game. and then art is confronted with all his old demons again, his inadequacy, all that stuff. and then you've got the momentum switch after the set break when art manages to pull himself together. the thing is, they do actually show a fair bit of the match, but it's not always that interesting because it lacks a little bit of specificity, a little bit of detail... just make a few adjustments that accentuate the central dynamic. you don't have to go with this exactly but go with SOMETHING, 6-2 2-6 is such a nothingburger score lol like what does that tell us... 7-5 1-6 is what it's all about

(dumb nitpick corner: unlikely a time violation would get called between first and second serves, and if you do so then you'd better hand out a time violation if the receiver starts faffing about between points right after, rather than quietly talking to them off-mic. but hey, the establishment is corrupt, they obviously wanted art to win. also, there's a mistake on the scoreboard at the *5-6 game where they accidentally make it look like art is serving for the match at that stage, which would completely change the dynamic of that game and the previous game and the implications if art had let it go to a tiebreak - aka he would have choked. just slightly confused me when the umpire called out 'thirty love' after patrick won the point lol)

3

so maybe this all does come across like I hate the film, which I really did not. I enjoyed it a lot, and honestly it's not like there's much to choose from in terms of 'sports media that seriously engages with the narrative potential of the actual sport'. there were plenty of storytelling details I really vibed with, especially the dynamic between the central three characters and the push and pull between them and how they work as a trio. all three sides of the triangle were good fun. the way the two blokes were so in sync at times, that kind of easy intimacy and familiarity - again, I think you could have expressed that more through actual tennis but that did absolutely work for me

the actual 'playing a challenger before uso' thing was also fun, though I was wondering what his ranking was like because it must have still been kinda in the pits. like, you can't show up to a challenger as a top ten player. not that it actually matters matters but just. whatever. I do think the premise is neat

(though, that challenger audience was not keyed in enough! like omg if you're showing up to some random challenger to watch a top player on the injury comeback try to rack up some wins and the final is against the guy he played doubles with to win a junior slam, everyone watching would be SO aware of it. those spectators aren't just randomly being drawn into the drama, they know what's up!! you just know the challengers tv stream is racking up crazy figures. idk this is obviously more of a subtle thing, but I feel like it was supposed to give off the vibe of the non-tashi viewers being surprised by why they were being such weirdos all of a sudden but nah they would be ON IT with their patrick zweig backstory. including the fact he used to date tashi lol, like yeah they'd Get It)

I loved a lot of tashi's characterisation, how fucking obsessed she was with tennis and how everything was About Tennis for her... like yeah very real!! of course it eats her up!! I had a bit of a debate about this but I personally really liked the college tennis thing because it felt like a complete curve ball given her characterisation. it's good though, this idea that she wants to fool herself into believing she's more than hitting a ball but she's actually not... because of course she isn't.... none of these people are.... I like that element of self-delusion, even though it still... hm, I'm not entirely sure the film COMPLETELY sold me on that level of self-delusion because it was so obvious she didn't care about anything except for tennis... like it never quite felt entirely clear what she thought she was getting from that experience. but yeah, the central premise of it all... like the fact she just can't say goodbye to that world, that she can't really escape it, that she has to pursue something related to it to feel alive, even by proxy, the suspicion that all she needs art for is to have that kind of second hand thrill... really good!!

I was talking about this with the unfortunate recipient of my voice notes, and she's more familiar than I am with american college tennis than I am for the fairly obvious reason that only one of us has attended an american college. she said she'd discussed this with some of her friends and that that kind of injury did feel a touch unrealistic in the context of college tennis, partly because you're less likely to be playing with the kind of schedule that professional tennis requires of you. now, this doesn't really bother me, but I almost wish they'd leaned into the tragedy of it more - that it was unlikely and she didn't even get it while playing professional tennis! she was engaging in this grand act of self-delusion that there was more to her than tennis, which, let's face it, just really isn't a thing when you're a very good junior player, and she got injured before she ever even got close to 'making it'. it's tragic because it should never have happened. whatever injury art picked up (can't remember if they mentioned) would be statistically more likely to actually fuck you over, given their respective ages and time on tour and all that. you don't typically randomly get career ending injuries when you're running for a ball, not if you've trained properly - both in the sense that you're moving 'correctly' on the court and you've developed the muscles to protect yourself (which admittedly she was looking a touch light on). perfectly fine as a narrative choice, lean into it more

the churro college conversation between patrick and art was good, but that's another thing I would've integrated more into the tennis. like, the thing about him actually going for what he wanted and all that? you can do that through tennis! I also kinda wanted more of a sense of what tashi brought to the coaching dynamic, just something very simple and straightforward even the non-tennis viewing audience can understand. again, you've got this fairly obvious federer expy set up going on with art, and the glimpses we got of his game ... I mean mainly the one handed backhand, it does lean towards him being a player that's naturally oriented towards aggression. I would've maybe gone for the whole.... y'know. him not really being able to embrace that, him always holding himself back a little bit, not willing to fully give himself over and throw himself into the game. that tashi kinda has to get him to go for it, to go after the ball, to step into the court and use that technically excellent flat forehand stroke and trust himself to find those angles and rush the net and play the game, rather than letting the game play him. linking that into his loss of motivation post injury, where he feels like he's achieved what he wants to, where maybe he kinda retreats into himself. which is partly a motivation issue but also about trusting yourself post injury... not really being able to go after it in the same way any more, struggling to commit to that kind of aggressive mindset when your heart just isn't it any more. or something! just a thought!!

that's the thing right - sure, tennis might be a relationship, but the tennis will always be a character in its own right in whatever twisted threesome thing they've got going on. at the end of the day, the real toxic relationship is with the tennis! it's sad tashi can't leave it behind, it's tragic she's organising her whole life around something that'll always be lost to her. but it won't ever let her go, even though it hurt her, even though it caused her physical pain as well as emotional. it's the truest love in the whole film, tashi and the game itself, and all other love is subservient to that. it's also the most interesting relationship that needed to be... well, a little more foregrounded. she's always chasing that high, that moment of perfect communication and understanding and all that - and it's an entire lifetime of work, chasing the briefest of moments and now even that is gone. something she won't ever be able to recapture. she can't live her dream and she can't move on, so she is forever trapped, in stasis, frustrated and tormented by desires she can't act upon, the worst kind of repression imaginable. and it's not just about playing tennis in general - it's about playing matches. the height of competition, the moment in the point and in the match in which losing or winning feels like an equal possibility, where anything could happen but only one player will eventually emerge victorious... she's chasing the high of uncertainty, of suspense - the equivalent to showing up to the bedroom of two blokes and knowing anything could happen, not knowing yet what choice she will make, who will win, who will lose. if you really want to get abstract about this, she's essentially functioning as, y'know, the tennis gods with these two boys, where she is the one to make the choice of who wins and who loses. she is the one creating the uncertainty, the suspense. and she's doing it all for the love of the game, because that's all she ever truly loved

or that's what I think they should've gone for idk. I also have a few kinda dumb thoughts like 'ugh I needed more of a sense of what patrick's career looked like, are we talking never made it to the main draw of a 250 or slam quarterfinalist because both are plausible'. but anyway I think narratives in sports are neat and I wish more people did stuff like challengers did, even if I think I was just looking for something a little different from what that film was doing. you do kinda need somebody who's really into sports to do some of this stuff I feel, but. well. sports rivalries really is a bit of a tragically under-explored storytelling set up. they're good narratives. somebody write them

[dealilcats]

!!! "let's try again" dialogue prompt.... mistoffelees and... whoever u want 👀👀👀👀

Hello and thank you!! Prompt based on this post. I chose Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer for the other characters >:) enjoy

"Let's try again" Mistoffelees said, waving a paw at Mungojerrie.

A few feet further, Mungojerrie groaned. "Aww man, are you sure it's gonna work? We've been at this for a while now" He looked down at himself, cringing at the charred patches on his body. "You know, I think I'd like to keep some of my fur"

Rumpleteazer snickered, helping him up. "It's probably your fault, 'cause you keep moving around. Poor Misto's playing whack a mole"

Mistoffelees nodded. "It would help if you sat still."

"I'm trying, it just takes you so long!"

"Well, it's a tricky spell" he huffed, "besides, you're the one that asked me to do this."

"Why don't you try it on Rumpel?" Mungojerrie asked, glaring at his sister. "It's not fair she gets to sit there and laugh at me while I get zapped"

"No way. I've got a date tonight." Rumpleteazer said, fluffing up her hair, putting up an air of importance. It lasted all of four seconds, after which she stuck her tongue out at Mungojerrie.

"Oh yeah. Victoria mentioned that." Mistoffelees hummed. But something didn't add up. "Wait. Why do you need me to turn you invisible, then? I thought you always did your pranks together."

"Uhhhh" Mungojerrie blanked, and the two siblings exchanged unreadable looks.

Mistoffelees sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I don't want to know, do I?"

"Probably!" They chorused.

"Fine. As long as I don't get involved in whatever fallout will follow."

He'd only agreed because of the chance at practicing his magic on someone else, anyways. Whatever these two were up to at any time usually just gave him a headache.

Mungojerrie gasped. "Why do you assume I'll fail? It'll go great! Rumple, tell him"

"Ehhh" she said, pulling a face and making a so-and-so motion in the air.

"What do you mean 'ehh', you helped me come up with it!"

"I mean, yeah," Rumpleteazer shrugged, "but only because it's going to be fun to see your butt get handed to you by Munkustrap"

Mungojerrie's mouth fell open, affronted. "You- traitor!"

They kept arguing, and Mistoffelees rolled his eyes. Just as he was about to interrupt, though, he noticed that Mungojerrie, while tense, was actually somewhat still.

It was as good a chance as any.

He tuned out their voices, focusing all of his attention on his paws. Drop by drop, energy trickled from his chest to his arms, down to the tips of his fingers, and gathered there, warm and tickling, waiting for release. Sparkles ramped up on his paws. He raised them towards Mungojerrie, who still hadn't noticed his ministrations. With narrowed eyes and a painfully scrunched nose, he aligned his claws around the tom's figure...

And fire.

Magic shot out like his bolts, coursing through the air in the blink of an eye and hitting the target straight in the chest. There were no whines pain, unlike the past few tries. When Mistoffelees blinked again, Mungojerrie was gone.

"Whoa! It worked! Did it work?" Rumpleteazer yelled, and Misto held his breath.

A few seconds went by, but Mungojerrie didn't answer, and Misto started thinking he'd teleported the tom instead. Figuring out where was going to be a hassle...

Mistoffelees sighed. "Okay, well-" A shriek interrupted him. Rumpleteazer had lifted a few feet off the ground, and a triumphant laugh filled the air.

"HA! It worked!" Mungojerrie's voice cheered, and he most definitely could not be seen. "Thank you so much Misto! We owe you!" He took off, judging by how Rumpleteazer was being carried away.

"Wait! It'll wear out in an hour!" Mistoffelees called after them, cupping his paws around his mouth. He wasn't sure they heard, not over their own laughter.

Oh well.

He stretched, basking in the quiet that followed their departure. Shaking the sparkles off his fur, he settled down for a grooming session after the rather tiring exercise.

[bumblekastclips]

KYLE CROUSE: Batman69lol has a question. "How would you do an alternate universe where Amy Rose Snapped and usurped Eggman as the series main antagonist? How different would her kind of evil be from Eggman's? How would her minions differ from the badniks? And how would the main cast Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, Eggman, and Tails feel about this new heel-turn of events? And yes the pun came before the question." And are you asking if Amy- how Amy would feel about Amy Rose? [chuckles] Wait, hold on, is this like an alt- like a different- like an alternate universe version of Amy that's evil...? I'm confused. Help me, Ian.

IAN FLYNN: [chuckling] I think they just went through the list of immediate names. KYLE: Oh, okay. IAN: Uh, the biggest hurdle is to rationalize Amy having a heel-turn, 'cause like... KYLE: It's like Superman having a heel-turn. She's going to force everyone to love each other. [chuckles] IAN: Maybe that's the angle. Y'know, she's going to love and protect everyone... from themselves. KYLE: [laughing] Exactly! Yes! That's how I imagine that would go. IAN: Like, if she's usurping Eggman, that also helps out because she, y'know, is trying to enact change and then starts making the same mistakes. KYLE: Uh-huh. IAN: So... all these little animals, they're out in the wild. They're exposed to the elements. They can be hurt. They can be put in danger... but if they're inside Badniks, they're protected. They're perfectly safe inside these little- and they're mobile, too! So they can still move around, it's not like they're trapped anywhere. KYLE: [laughs] IAN: And, y'know, she has experience. Badniks can be busted open, they can break. Some individuals who won't be named-- Sonic --y'know, unwittingly break them open, so they need some way to defend themselves, so of course they need weaponry. KYLE: Mhm. IAN: And some of these little booboos don't understand that it's for their own good, so they have to be rounded up. Someone has to wrangle them, and y'know, maybe you need to have a little bit of tough love and they need to be forced into the Badniks. It all makes sense in the end! [through gritted teeth] Why is everyone fighting?! KYLE: [laughing] "Why are you fighting against me, I'm trying to help people!" IAN: And, y'know, anyone who fights her is being shortsighted, is being too aggressive, or being mean, or purposefully not understanding. KYLE: Uh-huh. IAN: She takes that very personally, and we know how well she handles being insulted and threatened, which is to say: smash it with a hammer. You would also have the main cast, y'know... they've known Amy, this is a hell-turn, so they have seen the good side. So they would not want to immediately y'know- well, maybe Knuckles. I mean, Knuckles might just throw hands because, "Oh, Amy turned bad? Okay." Punch, punch. "What, she can take it! She dishes it out just as hard. Why is everyone lookin' at me funny? She's puttin' animals in robots! Come on, guys, it's simple!" KYLE: [laughs] IAN: But Sonic and Tails and et cetera would be, y'know, rather aghast. They don't want to hurt their friend. They're very sad that she's taken this path, but they also need to act, because she's doing bad things. And Eggman, who according to this question, has survived, is just chagrined. He's been overthrown, and she's doing a better job than he did. KYLE: [chuckles] For now. IAN: He should've seen the writing on the wall. That whack-a-mole game that he installed in the Egg Carrier, she destroyed his score! Of course she was going to take over! KYLE: [laughing] That's how she took over! IAN: [laughs] KYLE: That's good. That's good stuff right there! [chuckles] I like this idea.

--- TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: Please remember that nothing that is said on BumbleKast is canon! It's just some guys and their opinions occasionally spitballing ideas. If you don't like an answer, you don't have to take it as Word of God or anything like that. It's all just for fun! ----- This question was requested by @fazar234! Do you want a specific question transcribed and posted? Send the question and the episode date to my ask box! Or if you just want questions about a certain character, send me their name and I will see what I can do!

[whackdreamer]

Move aside BC shipping fans. Hot new ship just dropped. /j Well this is actually just me and my gag ideas so I'll go along with it.

Plumede: (staring at Rouge) Rouge: Meow~ Plumede: So beautiful… Gimodelo: That's just a cat made from magic. Snap out of it!!! Plumede: That's my soulmate right there.

….

Asta: Oh, hey. We have a kitten in the base! (picks it up) Vanessa: Weird looking cat. That's not from my magic. Noelle: (Cute cat!) Probably a stray got in. Asta: Is it normal for stray cats to have horns? Plumede: Don't touch my baby. Asta: (puts it down) Okay…. Wait, did you say baby!? Noelle: Hey Vanessa? Why is Rouge affectionately licking that horned kitten? Plumede: That's also her baby. Asta & Noelle: HOW IN THE WORLD!? Vanessa: I guess fate can find a way? I don't even know. I'm sober right now, am I? Oh dear. Rouge and Plumede? Gimodelo: HOW DID YOU HAVE A KITTEN WITH THAT MAGIC STRINGS CAT!!! Plumede: I told you she's my soulmate. Also our kitten has a name. It's Noir. Rouge: (Meows in agreement) Plumede: Yes. Our child is lovely. Gimodelo: DUDE!?!?!?

….

Gimodelo: This is so unfair. How come Plumede gets a partner AND A BABY!? (crying) Walgner and Slotos: (comfortingly pats Gimo's back) Gimodelo: What about me?

Charmy's wolf peeking out of its sheep skin: (sniff sniff)

....

I got inspired by this - And @hybridanafrost for enabling my Whack.