#ok my paint is almost dry lol! win

[pepprs]

ok mutuals. i am waiting for my first layer of paint to dry (it looks like shit rn lol but if this turns out good i might post it) and im still debating whether or not to say anything now that ive written the letter. like to say that this sucks. there’s that post i just rbed that’s like don’t hold back bc you think it’s cringe but then i saw another post tonight abt a Very specific situation that is not fair for me to be thinking abt in this way but the jist of it (removing the context) was that u shouldn’t burden ppl w ur grief when they make necessary decisions that make them happy. so it’s like ok. and again this is me taking that latter post completely and inappropriately out of context but realy shouldnt / doesn’t ir apply to all situations where someone is making a choice for their own happiness that takes their idealized version of you away from them. grief and everything that comes with it is burdensome and makes the other person feel guilty when ultimately it isn’t even about you. and i know bc ive been on the other side of this situation so many times and have been angry and frustrated when (specific) ppl grieve me for not being who they needed me to be. but this is my first time EVER being on the other side actually in a way that is actually real and not just in my head or metaphorical lol. i fear it literally all the time ofc but this is the first time in my life where someone is leaving me (and CHOOSING to) and not when im leaving either by choice or by like… by virtue of having to progress into a new school or mandatory study abroad or whatever. and it fucking sucks so bad.and if it was me doing this i would want her to talk to me abt how hurt / angry / sad she was and *i* would be hurt / angry / sad if she felt like she needed to hold back but… she is wired differently and needs different things and i truly think me telling her that this is dealing me psychological damage i will carry with me for the rest of my life is only going to be unhelpful and make her angry and uncomfortable. lol

[drowsy-writer]

I Can't Stop— regulus black x reader

Summary: An unmovable object vs. an unstoppable force (aka Reader tries to get Regulus to bed) 

Warning:  cursing, angst, bittersweet fluff, crying

Notes: Reader has she/her pronouns and is a Hufflepuff; this can also be read as either romantic or platonic also yes I sometimes face claim regulus as Benjamin Wadsworth pls don’t @ me i’m new here lol

Hogwarts 1975

Every Hufflepuff knows that when 10:00 hits, the kitchen goes silent. No pots boil, no ovens switch on―without the house elves, the place is as silent as the library on a good day. The alluring scents of the day’s meals would linger in the air, hitting the face of every Hufflepuff who entered eager to make it to their common room and call it a night.

Tonight the smells of roasted chicken and creamy beef stew were replaced with the stingy aroma of coffee as two students sat at the end of the kitchen’s massive table, books spread out amongst themselves. Two gigantic porcelain mugs were placed within arms reach and a fresh pot of coffee sat between them.

“Find anything yet?” the Hufflepuff asked. Her [h/c] curls bounced slightly as she looked up from her piece of parchment, observing the pale Slytherin boy across from her scrunch his brows.

“No,” Regulus shut another book and tossed it on top of the stack next to him. He reached over to his mug, which embarrassingly had an orange flat-faced kitten painted on it, and downed its remaining contents. He then slammed the mug on the table and ran both of his fingers through his short ebony locks,” nothing. Yet.”

“House elves are bound to wake up soon,” [Y/N] mused. She cocked her head towards the tiny door sitting next to the fireplace,” maybe we should call it a night.”

Regulus groaned as he reached for the pot of coffee and poured himself another cup. The pot shook a bit as Regulus poured it, the bags underneath his eyes growing darker. [Y/N] looked at her friend and sighed.

“We’ve gone through almost the whole library, Reggie,” [Y/N] said. Regulus took a quick swig of his refilled cup of coffee and cracked open another book,” look! That’s even the same book you opened last night. Cover and all!”

“Nope,” Regulus held up the book and tapped his pale finger on the cover where it read Volume 2. It was [Y/N]’s time to groan as she took her own mug, this one with a silly looking dog on it, and sipped at the now cold contents. Her face scrunched up as she placed the mug down,” Zatara might’ve been a loon, but he was Bullock’s assistant. He probably hid something in here so Dumbledore or anyone else couldn’t find and burn it..” 

“What makes you think that Volume 2 is gonna have something when the first one didn’t?” [Y/N] had got up from her chair, cold cup of coffee in hand, and dumped it down the drain of the sink behind her. She turned the faucet on, rinsing out the mug and gently putting it back on the drying rack. When [Y/N] spun around, she was met by Regulus’s signature scowl,” don’t get your knickers in a twist. You know I’m right. I’m always right with these sorts of things.”

“I know,” Regulus hissed. He looked back down at the book,” but right now, I’m hoping you’re wrong.”

[Y/N] huffed as she sat back down on her chair again. A small yawn escaped her lips but she knew it’d be a while until Regulus decided to pack his stuff and leave. This was the case every night since 2nd year where Regulus and [Y/N] would stay up right before the elves came back in to prep for breakfast, reading and discussing topics both school related and pure nonsense. Neither knew how this little tradition started and, quite frankly, neither cared. It was a breath of fresh air for [Y/N] and a sense of normalcy Regulus craved for within his ever turbulent life. 

As of recently, however, their midnight meetings were overwhelmed with a sense of dread. It had been months since Regulus had properly been exposed to the world of the Death Eaters and of Lord Voldemort, courtesy of his mother. From then on, he had been put into an almost inescapable hole, one that he was intent of crawling out of. Regulus might've not had the luxury of running away like his brother, but he sure as hell wasn't going to give in without a fight.

“So if I am wrong, what’s gonna happen next?” [Y/N] asked.

Regulus quirked a brow as he stopped reading the passage he was on. Not even bothering to look up, Regulus clicked his tongue in thought. He then, to [Y/N]’s annoyance, shrugged his shoulders and continued to read.

“I don’t know. Haven’t thought that far yet.”

“What do you mean you haven’t thought that far yet? We’ve been looking into Horcruxes for the past three months and you haven’t the clue as to what you’ll do next?!”

“Something like that.”

“You're so—,” [Y/N] let out a muffled scream as she buried her head in her hands,” you're insufferable, you know that? Why am I even friends with you?”

“Haven't thought that far yet either,” Regulus smirked. 

“Very funny, Reggie. Now c’mon,” [Y/N] motioned towards the stack of books,” let’s stash these away. We’ve got a Potions exam tomorrow morning, remember?”

“Yes, I remember.”

Regulus didn’t make an effort to get up and continued to read through the book. As Regulus flipped through another page, [Y/N] muttered underneath her breath as she jumped down from her seat and walked over to the Slytherin’s side.

“Alright. That’s it.”

Before Regulus could make sense as to what was happening, [Y/N] wrapped her hands around his waist and hoisted him up from the seat.

“[Y/N]?!” Regulus sputtered, dropping the book from his hands,” let me go!”

“Oh shut it, Black! You need to get some sleep!”

Still in her arms, Regulus tensed as their bodies pressed against one another. He cursed himself underneath his breath as his face flushed red.

“Just put me down. Now.”

“No.”

“[Y/N]—!”

[Y/N] tightened her grip as Regulus squirmed within her hold. She dragged him from his chair to the middle of the kitchen where he finally pushed himself off.

“What the hell was that for?”

“You need to sleep, Regulus! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends. You’ll fall back if you keep doing this.”

“Well what else am I supposed to do, then? Run away from my problems like my brother? Ignore them? I can’t just turn away from my family and pretend nothing ever happened!” Regulus shouted. His breathing turned ragged, as if he just finished yet another Quidditch match, “what would you expect for me to do?”

“I—I don’t know! I don’t have the answers for everything!” [Y/N] retorted. Regulus groaned as he turned around, intent on picking up where he left off in his book,” but I do know that when the time comes, whatever remnants of a plan you do have, you’ll be too exhausted to do anything about it!”

Regulus stopped in his step as he stared at the rack of spices before him, afraid of meeting his friend’s eyes. He took a deep breath, composed himself, and turned around. His eyes had yet to meet [Y/N]’s as they shifted throughout the room.

“Why are you—ugh,” Regulus sighed as he ran his hands through his hair,” I just—this is how I work, [Y/N]. You’ve known it since 2nd year. Even when I stop, I can’t stop. When I go to sleep at night, my mind is still racing with all this bullshit about purebloods and Muggles and—.”

“But you can’t just—.”

“—And the fucking potions test you won’t stop telling me about! There’s so many things in my mind that I think Bellatrix’s head looks healthy compared to mine! I can’t stop thinking about my family, my house, even Sirius for Godric’s sake! I can’t stop worrying that if I were to put a pause for even a sliver of a second, everything I’ll ever love will cease to exist. I can’t risk that [Y/N]. Not for a second. Not when I have so much on the line.”

[Y/N] looked down at the floor as her friend’s words ran rapid through her head. She touched her forehead with the palm of her hand, dragging them down until they met the bridge of her nose. 

“Fucking—I know that, Regulus. I just—,” [Y/N] gave a pained expression as she pinched the bridge of her nose,”—fuck! I just want you to be okay, ok? You’re my friend. My best friend, actually. It hurts like hell because there’s nothing I can do about it. I can get you as many books as you want, sneak out around the castle as much as you want, lie to as many people as you want , but I can’t—no. I won’t stand here and watch you whittle away. Not when I can do something to prevent it.”

Regulus swallowed hard as his eyes met [Y/N]’s and the pit that had been growing inside his chest began to increase, pushing painfully against his rips. He felt his lungs constrict and if Regulus didn’t know any better, he’d say someone casted a Crucio curse on him and it was slowly ripping his body from the inside out.

“I just can’t let him win, [Y/N],” Regulus mumbled. He leaned back on the table and pressed both hands to his face, rubbing at his eyes as tears began to build up in the corners,” I can’t let that thing win, no matter what.”

Shielding his face from [Y/N], Regulus quietly sobbed as his friend stood in front of him, tears threatening to pour out from her eyes as well. Taking a deep, shaky breath, [Y/N] slowly walked towards her friend and gently wrapped her arms around him. Despite the slight size difference, [Y/N] was able to situate her friend so that his face was buried in the crook of her neck. She combed a hand through his inky, black locks.

“I know won’t,” [Y/N] said,” but I highly doubt snake face over there is going to wait for you to take a quick power nap. We’ll beat him, but not like this.”

Regulus’s grip tightened around [Y/N] and she felt his lips pull into a smile as a low chuckle emitted from him. 

“It’s amazing how you’re not a Ravenclaw with how much wisdom you spout out.”

“Well I’m far more interested in my friends then a bloody book,” [Y/N] stepped back, hands still wrapped around Regulus, and smiled,” now let’s clean up and head to bed. You deserve at least one good night’s rest.”

[tteokdoroki]

⤷ 𝐅𝐋𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐒 : WRITTEN CHAPTER

⤷ CHAPTER SUMMARY: convinced by eijiro to tell hawks how you truly feel, you decide to give him a call  and let it all out.

author’s note(s): ok so this chapter i thought would be hard to convey just over text so i decided to do it as both, however tumblr is poopy so the confession is split between part seventeen.five and part eighteen ! nonetheless please let me know how if you liked it turned out :(( ily !! ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY

previous | part eighteen - keigo takami | next

word count: 1.2K.

with shaky breaths, your tongue darts out to wet the dry planes of your lips— nervous building up as the pressure your teeth use to sink into the swell of your bottom lip. you shouldn’t be nervous. this is keigo, kei, the guy who sung songs about chicken wings and moved so fast his brain couldn’t catch up with his words. the guy who held you tight in his arms while you shook with fear, who stared at you warmly to calm your nerves on set.

keigo takami was the guy you’d fallen head over heels for.

you shift from under the blankets, the sight of your phone screen lighting up pulling you from your flurry of thoughts. the darkness of your room is brightened by keigo’s contact photo flashing before your eyes. 

it was a picture of him that you’d taken on a lunch date one day— his golden avian eyes that held nothing but the sun were focused on the delicious meal in front of him, a small, earth shattering smile painting his sweet lips. you could look at the photo for hours; but choose to answer the call before your mind can get away from you.

“kei,” his name falls easily from your tongue, tasting of familiarity and comfort, as if it were the only name you were made to say. you could never get tired of saying it, hearing it. “i missed you...”

keigo chuckles from over the line, the sweet melody reminding you of the songbirds that play their tune for you every morning. sinking into your oversized sweater, you suppress the urge to squeal like a school girl and roll over into your sheets— even the simplest things about him have you reeling from the other end of the phone. “missed me? baby bird it’s only been a few hours since you last saw me,” his timbre voice fills the air in your room, resting in every inch and every corner— surrounding you as if he was right there with you. “what is it about me that you miss baby? is it my eyes? my voice? my touch? my...”

which each suggestion, his voice drops an octave, making your heart thump louder in your chest to the point that you’re afraid he might hear it. an embarrassed heat burns at the tips of your ears, flustered without him even being there with you. “keigo takami,” you scold him gently, knowing that if he could see, the smile that spreads across your lips would betray you. “don’t you dare go making me flustered, i’m trying to tell you something important!”

“i’m all ears baby bird.”

he falls quiet, nothing but the sound of ruffling sheets and static between you. you know what you want to say, you’d practiced every word for hours with eiji over the phone before; but now that you were face to face or rather— voice to voice— you couldn’t even think straight. your palms are sweating, heart rattling against your rib cage and now your throat is dry. 

what can you say? what can you do? you don’t want to leave him hanging but you don’t know if you can form a proper sentence but it seems your mouth has a mind of its own; speaking before your thoughts can catch up with it.

“yn? baby?”

“keigo takami, i think i have feelings for you.”

you smack a hand over your mouth, just hard enough to send you flying back into your bed sheets and pillows. you had a whole speech prepared, a confession that could win oscars if you really wanted it to but of course, you’d gone and messed that up too. 

the silence that crackles in the air causes your mind to race with anxiety, how much of a fool you’d look if keigo didn’t feel the same. after all, he was the hawks, a pro hero who was just as good as anyone out there. number two on the ranks and at the top of the game, he could have any girl, any guy, any person he desired. so why on earth would he choose you?

“you think, or you know?” the pro whispers into his device and you could almost hear the smirk entangled with his very tone. he’s teasing you. hawks was always one for jokes and humour; one thing you loved about him was his ability to keep any situation light hearted— but for a second you wished that he took the situation seriously.  fumbling with your fingers, you debate on whether or not you should ask keigo to forget you ever said anything, you could deal with the repercussions after drowning yourself in mina’s ice cream later, but keigo seems to have other plans. “i like you too baby bird, i know i do.” he mumbles as if he’s gone shy, now he’s the one waiting anxiously for your response.

you release a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding, clutching at your chest as fresh air fills your lungs. “that makes two of us then,” you hum warmly, feeling your body warm up at the idea of your favourite pro liking you back.

but keigo doesn’t stop there, it’s almost as if he’s gripping the phone tighter— desperate to convince you that you’re everything that he needs. “i have for some time now yn, i don’t know when or how it happened, but i’m glad it was you. your heart and your soul are kind, half of me doesn’t want to taint it but the other half of me is a selfish bastard,” the hero you’ve come to care for pauses, mulling over his next words in a way that has you sitting up to prepare yourself. “that selfish side of me, that half of me needs you, wants to make you happy. that’s if you’ll let me, songbird...”

you find yourself nodding over the phone and it takes a second for you to realise that keigo can’t see you. desperately you wipe at your eyes, cheeks stained with tears you hadn’t noticed were falling and heart feeling more full than it’s ever been. 

you feel set free, cut from the restraints of your past love for bakugou— ready to make new ties with keigo.

“i want you too kei, more than anything.”

hawks lets out a contented sigh from his end, mumbling sweet words to you not long after. “then you can bet your ass i’m taking you on a date as soon as we’re both free, i’m gonna show you how much i care about you. how much i desire you, baby bird.”

the rest of the night is spent full of giggles and blushes and teases, keigo’s words burning a smile into your cheeks. eventually, he sends you to bed with the promise of a kiss as soon as he sees you next, hanging up the phone shortly after. 

plugging in your phone, you situate yourself amongst your pillows, ready to sleep with a smile on your face— when your phone lights up with a tweet notification from none other than the bird man himself.

‘sleep well, my baby bird, dream of me.’

it reads and despite the likes and retweet that flood the poor tweet, you know keigo wrote it especially for you. adding it to your bookmarks, before sending one of your own and drifting off to sleep.

‘goodnight bird boy, see you in my dreams.’

⤷ TAGLIST: ✈️ CLOSED

@underratedmage @darlingstudies @iambashfulperson @jqnposts @ih8beefnoodles @miniatureland @ozzy-bozzy @someweirdshitman @bro-vocaine @air-wreckaaa @xxangelofpunkrockxx @hyperkaiperrose @sailor-moons-butt @montechristos  @semiathleticnerdykid @headfirst-halo @sasukelore @patricia-ceballos @jadenyukis-bodypillow​ @leel-lol @bokutosuwus @moonlightaangel @atsumumu @cathy8taffy @sya-arts-blog @rosa-gamer @yuesphere @ela-ena @d3ad-b3at-b1tch @starry-yui @cowward @actuallyazriel @bunny-on-crack @yourlocalbabybird @moon-spirit-yue @chaichai-the-weeb @tuddles-on-ice @tamaki-amajiki-anon @loser-keiji @witcherydotcom @s4kurajima @nishinoya-is-baby @astroninaaa @witches-brewe @skyrina @underoosjae @darlingely @mirukosyn​ @peachpetalhoney @kayisweird

[once-upon-a-scenario]

First Date HCs for three random pillars!

Maybe I’ll do the rest sometime... ____ Giyuu: -the classic “this was. A date? I thought it was just really nice of you to ask me to hang out” scenario -only when it comes to this poor dude;;; -he’s just as likely to be the one delivering the line as he is to be the one receiving it -as much as it would be lovely to pretend otherwise, let’s face it -the date is going to be Painful -he’ll ask to meet you someplace simple and casual that also doesn’t require him to Socialize a bunch -ex: a walk at the park. He can stroll along and listen to you talk and doesn’t have to stare at you from across a table the whole time, like he’d have to do at a café/restaurant -does not emote -because he’s too busy dying on the inside -Shinobu’s mockery is ringing in his ears the whole time -(“lmao show some Affection you coward”) -wants to hold hands while you walk but is that too forward -on the other hand, don’t people like it when you do something very charming and romantic and socially aware while on a date? -does this mean he should kiss you? But you might not want to be kissed. -ok, should he ask if he can kiss you? -to you, he just looks like he’s staring at you very intensely and his eyes look slightly dead -(if you know and like Giyuu well enough to be on a date with him, you accept this as normal Him behavior) -(even if you feel a little…hm. Is he actually listening to you? Does he actually want to be here? But he’s the one who asked you, right?) -on his side, he’s suffering from what feels like a mini heart attack, his palms are sweaty (like the Eminem song!) and he’s thinking about how nice you look and how much he likes that one curl of hair at your temple and how clever and kind and understanding you always are and hhhhh -he *really* wants to say something nice in return -finds a four-leaf clover while on the walk and immediately gives it to you -probably has that moment where he turns around and sees you standing under a flowering tree at that one spot where the sunlight hits your face just right -it looks like a painting. He just. melts. -if you ask him to take a picture of you, he’ll smile gently behind the phone as he looks at you through the lens -(it’s beautiful; you’re beautiful.) -it starts to rain near the end of the walk. He offers his jacket as an umbrella and dashes for the shelter of the nearest tree -is so disappointed about the rain -it actually prompts him to make a desperate attempt to communicate -that he actually enjoyed himself, this was really nice, he likes this, and by ‘this’ he means just…hanging out with you, he’d like to hang out with you more, in a not-strictly-platonic fashion, is that ok with you, is it ok if he holds your hand sometime, even if he wasn’t very affectionate on this date and it rained and he knows it wasn’t very good -if you say yes he finally. Lets out that breath he didn’t know he was holding the entire time lol -resolves that since he’s miraculously scored a second date, he’ll definitely do his research for next time -(poor boi goes to Tengen for advice this time in a wild attempt to escape Shinobu) -(Tengen is nicer about it, but only marginally) Mitsuri: -aHHHHHHHHH -cannot believe you accepted!!! -she had to pluck up a lot of courage to actually ask you!! But she did it, and you said yes, and she’s really proud and happy and just -lots of feelings, bro -likes dates to be full of fun and the first one is no different -probably spontaneously asks you to accompany her to a festival/fair or something -technically does suffer from horrible nervousness before she tells you her idea but once you tell her yes, that sounds great! -one (1) flaw in the grand scheme is that she was supposed to go to said fair with her friends -(who encouraged her to ask you out) -and once she gets there, they’re going to stalk her. -poor babie is ready to die from embarrassment -you, on the other hand, are mildly terrified -there’s this very short and very passive aggressive woman who smiles at you sweetly and informs you that if you break Mitsuri’s heart, she’ll break your legs -Mitsuri turns as red as a tomato and quickly drags you away -she wants to eat lots of stuff with you. Sharing food is how she shows affection :3 -buy her sweets and watch her love for you increase by 1000x on the spot -will be constantly pulling you this way and that in an endeavor to ditch her friends lol -plays all the games -wins all the stuffed animals -names the dollies on the spot and it’s honestly kind of really cute -you go to the restroom for 0.1 second and when you come back, she’s running up to you with a teddy bear as big as your torso -it’s for you! Please accept it and say you like it ;p; -is apparently unable to feel sick or dizzy. 1000% chill with all the scariest rides. If you’re not good with them, though, she immediately backs up and starts apologizing -can’t deal with the haunted house. Wants to be hugged the whole time -screams at a jumpscare and accidentally(?) punches the poor actor, sobbing about how “she’ll protect you, s/o, don’t worry!” -(apologizes profusely to the actor, who fortunately is not severely hurt) -the day ends with a quiet nighttime stroll with ice cream cones for both of you -the atmosphere is sweet and tender and Mitsuri can’t help but start talking -about how…she’s sorry, this was meant to be more romantic -she’s sorry she had to bring all her friends along; she’s sorry about punching the poor guy at the haunted house, and for crying, and for clinging to you so much -truth is, she...really does like you! If you had any doubts about this being a non-platonic outing, well, she’s here to dispel those doubts. -she knows she’s not…well…the ideal s/o, but could you give her a chance? She thinks you’re amazing and beautiful and she just really wants- -(please give her a hug. Or hold her hand. Or tell her it’s ok; you feel the same way. She’ll start tearing up in relief, smile as wide as anything and tell you she’s so, so glad!) Sanemi: -gdi what *is* a date and how do you do it -doesn’t want to take you out for dinner because that’s too explicitly romantic and he can’t deal + bruh, you think he’s gonna pull up in a tux with twelve red roses? No thanks -(lowkey though it’s mostly that he’s insecure about his lack of…charm) -doesn’t want to go to the fair or an arcade because that’s not explicitly romantic *enough* and there would be too many people -he wants to be emotionally vulnerable @ you but not at the rest of the world!!! -doesn’t want to go to a café because ha how cliché is that -he is Picky -ends up asking you to hang out at his place and play video games -so…basically what you always do, only the rest of the friend group (read: pillars) are absent this time -he’s incredibly dissatisfied with this resolution -but what can you do? -loses at the games way more than he usually would -half…sort of on purpose. Because he likes seeing you laugh when you win. -half because he was too busy staring at you while you stared at the screen -(thinking about how you’re actually way too good for him) -cusses at you less and seems less grouchy than usual -outwardly, he appears…thoughtful -like he’s mulling over something important in his head the whole time -you catch him looking at you with this look on his face that suggests he’s not entirely There -“Earth to, Sanemi?” -he snaps out of it, curses at you halfheartedly, then proceeds to thoroughly beat you in your current match -but he’s just kinda weird throughout the whole ‘’’date’’’ -lets you look at his collection of stag beetles. Gets defensive when you point out that he’s named them all after characters from musical theatre -offers to cook lunch -you had no idea he could cook -won’t let you help because he’s the ~host~ (though he phrases it more like “I’m the only one allowed in my kitchen so sit your ass down and take a break or whatever”) -the food is good, and you sit there and eat and talk about mundane stuff -mostly talking trash about the other pillars tbh -and then talking trash about the world in general -complaining about everyday things -which is…what you usually do when you get together -Sanemi wonders what it is about you that makes him enjoy these mundane routines -it doesn’t *seem* mundane when it’s with you -(he immediately gags in disgust at himself. Wtf. That was unreasonably sappy. He is *not* going soft.) -but he’s unreasonably happy when you comment that the food is good -goes to wash up, and this time, grudgingly lets you help with the dishes -while drying a fork, casually and unintentionally lets it slip that he could -kind of get used to this -to you. -and you have this sudden epiphany as you stare at him -“Sanemi. Is this…a date?” -he shrugs and turns his back to you as he puts the fork back in its place. -“If you want it to be.” -but if you look closely, you’ll be able to see that he’s almost-smiling!

[crushzone]

Hi can I request some reader x Lev if that’s ok and if your comfortable, where whenever they are making out the reader keeps on giggling because of how ticklish they are 🤗

My Muse - Haikyuu!!

Character: Reader x Lev Haiba

Summary: An aspiring photographer in search of their muse, runs into Lev on one of their early morning photography escapades.

Word Count: 8,091

Warning: Fluff, none really, Lev the tickle monster? A little suggestive at one point, but he’s just being a tease lol.

Additional Notes:

Dear anon, I hope you enjoy this! Since your request allowed me a lot of room for exploration, I kind of took it for a spin, but I still hope you find the little ticklish kiss part fun!

As a camera nerd, I hope I was not too technical with this. If I had been, please let me know and I will make revisions haha. I figured it might be fine because if you’re not familiar with cameras, you will be just as confused as Lev was in this!

But if you are a fellow camera nerd, come talk to me because I would love to talk about film photography lol.

ALSO, a bonus quick doodle of model Lev I did to supplement my story. ;)

Please do not repost my work (and artwork), thank you!! 💕

—————————

Crank. Snap. Crank. Click.

You sigh in frustration as you come to the end of your film roll, slowly moving across from the beautiful alley cat in front of you to sit down on the side walk, being careful not to scare it away from its glorious pose.

It turns to look at you calmly with its blue eyes, subtly channeling the sassiest impatient expression you have ever seen on a feline, its white fur only surrounds its face like a mask, while the rest of its body is black. If this was your cat, you’d totally name it Erik, or Phantom, like the characters from Phantom of the Opera.

You pull out an empty canister, a pen and a roll of paper tape from your book bag and sets it next to you as you calmly wind your film, bringing it close to your ears so you can hear it click when it’s done. Then you pull the back cover open with confidence, loading your winded film into the empty canister, taping the top off, and uncapping your pen to label the date.

Looking up to make sure the cat is still there, then to the sky to sigh in relief that dawn is still awaiting your perfect shot. You look back down to your 35mm camera on your lap, re-loading it with a fresh new roll of film.

You close the back with a snap, as you pick the camera up from your lap, running your fingers up and down the side as you try to familiarize yourself with every dips and textures of the device.

Photography may be a hobby for some, but to you, it’s your dream. There’s just so much beauty in the world, so many people to capture, and so many quiet moments like this to remember. You love waking up very early in the morning to have a head start on readying for school, so you can take your sweet time, photographing quiet moments that only happens during the magic hour of dawn, on your way to class.

You bring your camera to frame up the cat, perfectly composing the shots with no spare inch to even bother cropping, because it was just complete.

Crank. You wind the lever of your camera, tongue licking your lower lip in anticipation. The cat perks its ears and its eyes widen, looking so lively and in its element, as if though it was posing for your camera.

“There you are!” A loud laughter sounds and from your peripheral, a VERY tall figure jumps at the cat.

Snap

Incredulous, you slowly pull your camera away from your face, no longer sure what you ended up capturing, and you will never know until you’ve develop your film at a later time.

If only you had applied a little more pressure to the shutter, a few seconds earlier, you would have been more sure.

“Oww!!” You finally look up from your camera to see a tall male with silver hair, gripping his hand with a wince, the cat no longer there.

With widened eyes, you take a few steps back. Your parent’s warning about dawn being the prime time for crimes, echos in your mind. But then he turns around with a pout and you can’t help but relax. There’s no way this guy can commit crimes.

“Y/n-san, and don’t judge anyone off their appearance, you never know who the criminal may be.” You mentally recall your mother’s voice, as you stiffen back up.

His eyes trained to his hand, brows furrowed, as he’s watching some blood drip to his wrist, still unaware of your presence.

“Are…are you ok?” You ask quietly, still debating if he’s going to kidnap or befriend you.

Like an eagle, his emerald orbs lock on to yours and you take another step back. He’s so intense. 

But then just as quickly as his eyes had shifted to yours, a wide enthusiastic grin takes over his features, and you could have sworn that if he was a puppy, and a tall one indeed, his tail would be wagging rapidly.

“I didn’t see you there, I’m Lev!” He offers his injured hand for you to shake, but you just grab the tip of his long pointer and shakes it daintily; not wanting any of his blood on you.

You let go of his finger then digs through your book bag to pull out a water-bottle and some bandaid. “Here, it’s not much but it should be enough to get you to the nurse without scaring anyone.”

He blinks, a little surprised someone he had just met is so thoughtful to him before reaching his hand back out with a smile. You put your camera strap over you and swings it to the side, before washing away his blood with your water, allowing it to drip down his wrist and on to the ground.

He winces at the sensation of your cool water burning his wound; a strange juxtaposition. However, what’s stranger is that he can’t seem to will his eyes away from your concentrated face.

“What’s your name?”

“Y/n.” You respond, one worded, still too focused on cleaning his wound to carry out a decent conversation. However, Lev did not pick up on the clue as he continues to converse.

“I don’t usually see a lot of people going to school this early. Is this your regular route?” He asks.

You bring your eyes to scan his uniform; White button up, red tie, black vest, and grey trousers that matches his hair color perfectly. A fellow Nekoma peer.

Meanwhile he brings his hand to the side to shake off the access water, swinging his palm up and down to air dry.

“Yea, I like to get up early so I can take some morning photos.”

You unwrap the bandaid packaging as you patiently wait for his hand to dry. Then when it is, you carefully position it so that the scratch only touches the non-adhesive cushion, throwing the crumpled wrapper back into your bag. It’s a tomorrow problem.

“I like getting up early too! There’s just something so magical about dawn, it paints the sky so pink, it almost looks like cotton candy.” He looks up to the sky, reaching his bandaged hand upwards in a grabby motion, as if he’s trying to pick a piece of cloud for himself.

You look up to him, his fair skin kissed by the warmth of the sky as his vibrant green eyes reflect the ball of sun that is shyly rising. your hand that’s been on the camera twitches as the urge to photograph the moment tempts you, but you decide against it, since you’ve only just met him.

Re-adjusting the strap of your book back out of habit, you begin to walk away from him.

“I should get going, nice to meet you.”

He blinks, confused as to why you’re leaving all of a sudden. “Hey, let’s head to school together!” He says, as he bounces up to you.

You turn to him with a sigh. If only he didn’t scare that cat away, you may have started off on a better foot.

“Sure.”

He beams at your response. The two of you continue your journey to school in an awkward silence; you’re generally not the most talkative person, and he’s suddenly feeling a little shy to say something because he senses the air being a little off.

“Your camera looks really cool. Where’d you get it?”

You pick your camera up in your hands and smiles fondly at it.

“My parents work at a vintage camera shop close to 8-Eleven. (nope, not a typo, it’s the store near Nekoma in their OVA) This Pentax K1000 is a new camera someone had just sold to us, it’s the one I’ve always wanted, so the moment it came in, my father gifted it to me.”

I actually own this camera, and it is my baby 💕 

He finds himself smiling with you as he watches you run your hand over the material of the camera tenderly.

“Isn’t it a little scary when you can’t see what you’ve just shot?”

“I think that’s the charm of it. Sometimes I’ll take a photo, forget about it, and when I go to develop my film, I get to relive the moment again.” Your smile widens as you think back to all the silly photos you developed. “It also makes me very picky about my shots, so that all the photos I end up with are all very good ones.”

“That’s so cool! I wish I know how to develop a film!”

You chuckle, slowly warming yourself up to him. “Well, get me a completed roll of film and maybe I can teach you. I’ve done it so many times, I know the procedure like the back of my hand”

In a way, his enthusiasm reminds you of how you were when you were younger; always so excited to learn all the ropes your parents have to offer about film photography.

Maybe he’s not so bad after all.

He bounces energetically again. “I WILL get you a roll of shot film!” And then he stops with a pout. “But I don’t have a camera…”

You laugh, already predicting his dilemma even before he made his promise.

“I would lend you my Leica M2, but I don’t know you very well. You could be an irresponsible camera parent for all I know.”

He doesn’t even know any of the names you are saying, assuming that they are all just camera models, but it doesn’t matter. “I will prove to you that I am a very responsible camera parent, y/n-san.”

“Well, win my trust then, Lev.” You say with a small smile, continuing to walk ahead.

A determined smile slowly make its way to his lips as he brings his fist to punch the air. “I will, y/n-san, I’ll win your trust!"

———————

It is now lunch break, and you’re using your 30 minutes to head back to your parent’s camera shop, and grab some food along the way from 8-Eleven. Humming quietly to yourself, you bounce down the streets, wondering what new cameras might come in today.

Speaking of cameras, you wonder what you should photograph next. The film you’ve just loaded is a rather expensive one, best suited for portraits due to its outstanding ability to render skin tone.

Hmm, portraits. You mentally browse through a list of people that may be suitable for your next project, but you can’t seem to decide on one. No one had really caught your eyes recently…

“Y/n-san!!” You turn to the sound source, instantly feel your cheeks warm when you see a group of very attractive, mostly tall, men sitting at the bench in front of 8-Eleven.

Too many cuties in one photo lol.

They all look so good in their own kind of way…

Suddenly feeling very awkward, you look down to your feet after you’ve accidentally made eye contact with the bed head haired male who gave you a grin. When you look back up, all you could see is half a red bean bun being offered to you.

“Y/n-san! It’s so nice to see you again.” He says, chewing happily with a bright smile, mouth full with his half of the bun, and his long arm still outstretch to offer you his other half.

Look at him and Inuoka eating omg. 🥺

You suddenly have a difficult time gulping, and with widened eyes, you slowly force yourself to exhale. There’s a strange sensation in the pit of your stomach, a warm feeling that slowly crawls its way up your heart, then to the front of your forehead, as you feel the urge to explode, in tears? In laughter? In a whimper? You don’t know what is going on, and you’re just not going to think too hard about it as you look up at Lev chomping away at his food, oblivious of his effect on you.

How could he be so cheery all the time? It’s like his lips are made to smile and his eyes are made to glisten.

Like a robot, you stiffly bring both your hands up to accept half of his bun between your delicate fingers. You could have sworn the bread looked a lot smaller when it was in his hand.

“Thank you.”

He nods enthusiastically in return. “I was worried because we never really exchanged contact. So I spent a good couple of minutes trying to figure out how to see you again.”

You feel a rush of warmth to your cheeks as you slowly nibble at the soft bread, barely making it anywhere near the filling. “Did that work out for you?”

“Yea! You said your store was near 8-Eleven, so I asked my friends to come get lunch here with me!” He turns back to wave at his friends, though no one returned his gesture except for the tall male with spiky brown hair, waving back with matching enthusiasm. (Inuoka 🥺)

He asked his friends to get lunch here just so he can maybe run into you again?

Looking off to the side, you continue to nibble at your bun, thankful that he’s offered it to you because you’re suddenly too shy to enter 8-Eleven with all those attractive guys sitting in front of it.

“So where are you headed to?” He looks at you with a soft smile, finding the fact that you’re holding your food with two hands very endearing, like a little chipmunk.

“I’m just heading to the shop, I wanted to see if there’s going to be any new cameras that might come in today.”

“Oooh, can I come with?” He leans down to look at you and you can’t resist his eager eyes.

“Sure.” Then you walk off with him happily trailing next to you, readjusting his steps to match your speed.

At the bench, Yaku is holding a melted ice cream, the dessert no longer holding its integrity as the liquid drips down his wrists and on to his grey trousers. He puts it in front of him so it drips to the ground instead, teeth gritting in frustration.

“Freaking Lev! Why would he ask me to hold his ice cream if he’s not planning on getting it back.” He frowns as he watches his tall friend leave with you.

“He forgot his bag too!” Inuoka says when he notices that all their bags are still perfectly lined up next to each other’s.

Kuroo finishes his box of milk with a few airy sips, and tosses it into the garbage bin. “This guy…whoever they were just got him hooked.”

Kenma looks up from his game momentarily to glance at the two of you before looking back down without a word.

—————

The bell to your parent’s store jingles when you open the front door, allowing it to slowly recline back to close.

Your father’s eyes light up when he sees you bounce towards the counter with an enthusiastic grin, while your mother waves at you from the cashier. “I’m here to bother you during my lunch break again!”

Your parents laugh, clearly not bothered by your visits at all, they almost expected you to. Your father looks to the tall boy next to you with a warm smile. “Welcome to our shop!”

Lev smiles back, bowing politely to him then to your mother before leaning back up to look at you. “This is my friend Lev, he just wants to swing by and check out our store.”

“Glad to hear that!” Your father laughs as he sets down a big cardboard box filled with new cameras that arrived today on the glass counter. “Check out our new arrivals!”

You gasp when you spot a model you love, reaching in to pick it up delicately, as if it’s a newborn baby. “N-No way!! A Fujifilm point and shoot in collaboration with Disney?!”

“Yea! You should have seen the guy who came over to sell it!” Your dad begins.

Your mother turns around in her seat and laughs. “He was all dressed up in a Donald Duck t-shirt and Mickey jeans.”

Why are you so excited over a Mickey Mouse on a camera? Lev tilts his head, a little confused but he’s happy you’re happy.

You turn to him with your sparkles in your eyes and his brightens right back. “I can’t believe a collector in this town decided to sell it to us. This is a very rare collection, and in such pristine condition too.”

I guess, who wouldn’t be happy to see Mickey Mouse on a camera. He’s happy for you.

“Whoa!” He says, unsure what else he could add on to keep your smiles going for longer. “Y/n-san, what kind of photos do you take?”

You set the camera back into the box and picks up another to inspect its condition. “All sorts! I do a lot of street photographies, but I’ll have occasional cravings to do fashion portraits too.”

Your father was about to discuss more exciting facts about the camera in your hand, but your mother places her hand on his bicep to silence him with a smile, nodding towards you and Lev who are conversing happily. The two of you are in your own little bubble.

“That’s so cool! I’d love to have a look at your photos sometime!”

“I would love for you to see it! I have it in my room if you’d like to!”

Nodding his head quickly, he responds. “Yes please!!”

You set the camera back down again and walks over to the employees only door that leads up to your home above the shop. “Thanks for sharing these with me dad! I’ll come look into it some more after school!”

“Of course, honey, There might even be more later!”

With an excited nod, you turn to walk up the stairs with Lev behind you.

——————

“Whoa, Y/n-san!!!” He dashes to the collage of photographs next to your bed, eyeing every single one of them with his eyes sparkling. “Are you sure you don’t work for an editorial or something?!”

You laugh timidly as you sit on the bed, bringing your hand to rub the back of your neck shyly, you’ve never been good at taking compliments. “That makes me happy to hear, Lev, I’ve always wanted to work as an editorial photographer.”

“You should! I know you will.” He says with so much confidence, it almost felt like you’ve known him for much longer than just this morning.

He notices you have one particular male model reoccur in a few of your photoshoots. “Are these your friends, y/n-san?”

“Not really, I’m not really too close to anyone here. But I’m not afraid to ask random people who’s caught my eye to model for me.” Then you look up to see that he’s pointing to a specific model, causing you to look down with your cheeks warm. “Oh, him. We used to be neighbors, but he doesn’t go to Nekoma anymore.” He was your first real crush.

Not quite getting the answer he was looking for, he decides to brush it off and continue to look at your other photos, comically leaning his lanky limbs down just so he can have a closer look.

Meanwhile, you can’t help but draw your eyes back to Lev, unintentionally studying his features: eyes very feline-like, as he studies your photographs like a snow leopard with his big hands on his long long legs. He would look so great with olive on his smooth skin, one that would accentuate the definition of his long neck that leads up to his defined jaws. Perhaps a button up with some free flowing trousers?

Gosh…he is beautiful, how have you not realized it this morning.

Sensing the silence in the room, he glances over to see your eyes immediately snap away from him as you look down to your lap while fiddling with the material of your comforter.

But that doesn’t bother him, he likes that you notice him.

“How come I don’t see you in any of these photos?” He asks, standing up tall.

“Because I’m the one taking the photos? Also, I don’t think I’m too photogenic.”

“Nonsense!” You look up to see him smile cheekily at you, and you almost just want to raise your camera to photograph him again. “You have the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen!”

You feel immense heat rise up your cheeks and that warm feeling in your gut returns, but before you could burst, he adds.

“But that’s ok! I guess I’ll just have to earn your trust so I can photograph you with the Leila 2.”

You blink before you begin to laugh, finding his failed attempt to remember the names of your camera incredibly endearing. “My Leica M2?”

“I was so close! Yes, that one!” He laughs.

Your laugh slowly settles when you look at his face for the 100th time today, the after smile still apparent on your lips, but your eyes are enchanted by his boyish charm.

You want to photograph him so bad…

“Lev…” You breath, he stops laughing and looks at you, a glint of expectation in his eyes.

“Hmm?”

Your eyes widened when you realized you actually attempted to speak your mind. “Uhh, um. Nothing…we should probably head back to school.”

His expectation dissipates, replaced by a nod and an unintentional flirty smile. “Yea, but after I get your number?” (Smooth. Lev totally gives me that unintentional flirty boy vibe, where everyone thinks he’s flirting with them, until you realize that he’s just generally friendly lol.)

He doesn’t even know what he was expecting, but he can’t seem to stop himself from trying to learn more about what else might make you smile.

—————

It had been over a month since you’ve met him, and the two of you had been texting frequently. Some days when he’s extra busy with volleyball, you find yourself constantly glancing at your phone in anticipation for his response to just about anything you sent him. When you do get a notification from him, you can’t help but smile widely as you finger rushes to see what he’s said.

You would wake up and fall asleep to his texts, and though you’ve denied your expectations of receiving his daily greetings, he never seems to let you down. It makes you feel special, like he’s always here with you, thinking of you.

Some days, he’ll show up to your shop after practice when you are close to the end of your night shift, just to say hi, and eat some quick dinner together before he has to run home.

Your parents keep asking you about Lev, but you would always tell them that he’s just your friend, and they would exchange knowing looks to one another.

“Oh sweetie, Lev came by last night and he wanted us to give this to you, first thing in the morning.”

Your mother pulls out a neatly wrapped present with Mickey Mouse printed all over it. Your heart flutters with joy as you feel heat rush to your cheeks and the corners of your lips automatically rise. You reach your arms out to bring it to your chest, before excusing yourself back up stairs.

“I like this one.” Your mother says to your father, who nods happily.

“Yea, I like him a lot too.”

——————

Shutting the door lightly behind you, you flop down on your bed with the present in front of you on the pillow. This is the first time someone aside from your parents had ever gifted you on your birthday.

Reaching for your phone, you move the present on to your prettier blanket before snapping a quick photo of it to send to Lev. He responds almost instantly.

y/n [6:10 AM]

-photo-

Lev!!! Thank you so much for your present!

Lev [6:10 AM]

Yayy, I’m so glad! Have you opened it?! :D

y/n [6:11 AM]

Not yet! I’m just excited.

Lev [6:11AM]

Well, open it, y/n-san. I hope you’ll like it.

You set your phone down to unwrap your present, until you hear another ping.

Lev [6:13 AM]

WAITTT!!!

Y/n!!

Let’s video call! I want to see your reaction. :)

Suddenly you’ve become very nervous, you’ve never video called him before and you weren’t properly dressed yet. You look down to inspect the current state of your appearance: oversized hoodie and boxer shorts, your hair is a mess and your teeth had not been brushed.

You could hold off on unwrapping your present, but you recall your parents specifically say that he wanted it to be given to you, first thing in the morning. But the lingering drowsiness from waking up so early, still weighs your lids and the thought of peeling off your comfortable hoodie and clothing your bare legs feel unbearably troublesome.

Lev [6:17 AM]

Y/n san??

Screw it.

You force yourself not to think too much as you hit a video icon under his name, and he picks up almost right away.

“Y/n-san, happy birthday!” He says, voice still a little husky from sleep, and you instantly feel your heart beat just a little faster as you eye his appearance through your small screen. His silver hair is still messy, unlike his usual neat side sweep, and he’s still bundled up in his purple blanket, allowing his toned arms to come in full display when he hugs a pillow that’s under his chest. Something about his undone appearance makes you want to be right there with him.

“Lev-san!” You gulp as you try to divert your eyes back to his sleepy smile as he lazily rests his chin on a pillow. “Did I wake you up?”

“Nope! I had to be up anyway. Now, open open!” He gestures with a nod.

You set your phone down on your pillow as you sit cross legged in the center of your bed with the present on your lap. He pulls his phone closer to subtly check you out; secretly imagining you in his hoodie instead, then blushes when he notices your bare legs, the hem of your plaid boxers only peaking shyly.

If only his phone would not make a snapping sound, he would have screen grabbed this image of you, looking so temptingly undone. (<- What would he do with the photo tho 👀😉 )

You read the tag and begins to smile, moving your fingers to carefully unwrap the golden ribbons and the dotted paper, making sure to not to rip anything by accident.

Lev sets his phone against his pillow, then leans onto the back of his hands as he watches you with a smile. Your happiness is just so infectious, and he can’t stop himself from craving it.

You squeal and giggle happily when you pull out the camera strap and 3 rolls of film you’ve always had your eyes on. His eyes sparkles and his smile widens at your reaction, as he laughs with you.

He wants this moment to last. He wants to keep seeing you smile.

—————

You did it, you finally asked Lev to model for you.

It had been 2 months since you’ve done any photoshoots, and you can’t seem to figure out why you found it so difficult to ask him to model for you…

You think back to your other failed attempts and face palms yourself when you try to recount all the times you would watch him in his moment in awe, then his name would slip from your lips without your mind’s consent. When he responds and urges you to continue, you would always look away and change the subject.

He steps out of your restroom in the clothes you’ve handed him, and you can’t help but stare.

“Is this ok?” He asks innocently.

And he is more than okay.

He looks even better than how you’ve always imagined him to: standing so tall in his olive button up and brown trousers, his top unbuttoned down by two. His shoulders are a lot broader and his waist more snatched than how you’ve imagined him under Nekoma’s ill-fitting uniform.

Here’s my quick doodle of Lev for this fic haha.

You run your eyes up and down his figure, trying to come off like you’re looking over his outfit, but really, you’re trying to brush off the tingly feeling at the tip of your ears.

“If you’re comfortable…” You hesitate, as you realize your request may be too much to ask for. “umm…if you could unbutton one more?…ah, only if you’re comfortable, you don’t have t-“ You continue to ramble but he just nods and unbuttons his third one, revealing his toned chest.

You eyes widen because you were not expecting him to be so chiseled, but that actually makes a lot of sense since he’s a volleyball player after all. Then you look away with your cheeks flushed when he grins at you with a wink. (Ah 😳)

Damn him and his pecks.

You mentally shake your head to snap yourself out of his allure, rummaging through your bag on your lap. “Oh…I almost forgot.” Pulling out your black camera, you offer it to him with a smile. “Here’s my Leica M2!”

He beams and carefully holds it in his large hands, the way he’s observe you when you inspect the store’s new arrival; like a newborn.

“Yes!!! Thank you so much, I almost thought you forgot about it.” Without hesitance, he walks over to his bag that’s next to you on the bed, then pulls out a roll of film. You look at him a little surprised.

“When did you get that roll?”

“Oh, your parents gave it to me on one of the times when I came to visit, but you weren’t here.” He gets on his knees beside you, putting the camera on your bed to perform his first loading operation. You blink when he does it so calmly and so perfectly, snapping the back shut before cranking the lever until the notch reads 0: ready for its first real shot.

“H-How? What? When did you know how to do that?” He looks at you with an excited smile.

“Your father taught me this! Haha.”

Your confusion fades as you begin to feel a little down; you wanted to teach Lev how to shoot on film…”Did he teach you how to develop film too?” You say quietly as you get up with your bag strapped across your shoulder.

His eyes widen, suddenly realizing why you’ve stopped smiling. “No, I asked him not to because I want you to be the one to teach me.” He gets up from his knees to take a step towards you. “Will you help me with that, Y/n-san?”

“Yea.” You take a moment before responding, turning to walk away, but he brings your wrist into both his palms.

“Y/n-san…I’m sorry if I made you sad.”

He sits on the edge of your bed, then gently tugs you into his arms, resting his head against your right shoulder, with one of his large hands comfortably on the small of your back while the other’s on your nape.

You immediately stiffen up before slowly allowing yourself to relax in his warmth, bringing your arms to shyly wrap around his waists and leaning your head on top of his, inhaling slowly to bask in the fresh scent of his silver strands. The two of you stay that way a while, maybe a little longer than you should, before he shifts to look at you. A strange feeling in your stomach at the unusual sight of his face so close to yours at eye level.

You look right back into his captivating orbs, the charm of his feline-like eyes hold your gaze captive, and like a magnet, you find yourself leaning closer to him as he does the same. Before your mind could register the situation, your soft lips meets his plush ones, and like a feather, he starts with a gentle pucker; a kiss to show that he is grateful to be here with you.

Then another, this time pulling his lower lip to brush against yours before firmly lining it up, his eyes half lidded, drunken on the sweetness of your taste: he’s kindly begging to see happiness return to your oculus.

His arms around your body tightens, as an intense craving for your warmth flushed against his body becomes unbearable. Any skin to skin he can feel, he’ll gladly cherish.

You two pull back to look into each other’s eyes, and like a competition to see who has the better attention to detail, your gaze dances up and down his features, as you ingrain every dust of subtle freckles on his nose and every strand of his fluttery lashes in your mind. Then you bring both your hands to his soft cheeks to pull him back in for a firmer kiss.

This time, he runs the tip of his tongue along your bottom lip, politely asking for entrance as you gladly grant him access. Your tongue dances with his in new found harmony, before switching back to your firmer kisses, falling into a natural rhythm.

He squeezes his hand on your lower back to deepen the kiss and he can’t help but smile to your warm lips when he hears a small giggle vibrate from your throat.

He pulls back, keeping his face very close to yours as he looks down at you, half lidded, with a growing smirk. “I see someone’s a little ticklish.”

“No, I’m not.” As you’re trying to push him away with both your hands, he pulls you in closer with a laugh, reconnecting his lips to yours while his hands ladders up your sides, down your back then to the back of your neck, gently squeezing as he go.

You squirm in his arms, trying to contain your laughter as you try to focus on kissing him, but you can’t help the giggle that escapes you. He pulls back to study your adorable expressions before nuzzling his face to your neck, making sure to breath heavily so you can giggle some more for him.

He is hooked, this is his new addiction.

“Lev, I’m going to kill you!” You giggle as you try to weakly push his head away, but he only nuzzles you harder, wiggling both his hands up and down your sides. “Hahahah!”

The fact that he has you pinned so tightly, heightens your sensitivity as you are tempted to give in to your hysteria.

Then an idea pops up in his mind.

“Y/n-san, wait here.” He says as he sets you free, allowing you to catch your breath as you clutch your sides in an attempt to rid your goosebumps of its phantom. He grabs your camera from the bed, then walks over to set it up on your dresser, opposite to you.

“How do you set a timer on this?”

“There should be a notch to the side.” You respond out of instinct, though you are a little confused as to what he’s trying to capture. Your room is messy from all the clothes you have laid out for Lev to try, and the sun is way too direct to be flattering.

Crank. Tik, tik, tik.

He hovers his hands over the camera for a moment, making sure that it will not fall, then sits back down on his previous spot on the bed. Before you can ask him what he’s doing, he pulls you to his lap then leans down to kiss you with one hand to support the back of your head, simultaneously fluttering his long fingers on the small strip of exposed skin above your waistband. You squirm ticklishly, no longer able to hold back your sweet giggles as he laughs at your reaction, leaning down to trail ghost-like kisses down your chin. He’s thoroughly enjoying himself. Snap.

“Yay, my first shot!” He exclaims excitedly, still tickling and easily holding down your thrashing body with his big hands.

“Haha, you…evil!” You manage mid giggle as you weakly reach your arms out to wiggle at his waist with your long nails, causing him to double over, laughing, before swinging you on to the bed so that he doesn’t drop you by accident.

With his long legs straddling your waist, he pounces at you with both hands, tickling you mercilessly all over, shifting between spots so swiftly that you are not allowed any chance to grab his wrists. When you’ve given up on your defense, you diverted to the offensive, feathering your nails up his exposed neck then to the back of his ears. He laughs obnoxiously, then in an attempt to worsen your predicament, he nuzzles his nose against your neck, using his laugh as a weapon to tickle you with his erratic breaths.

“Ok, ok, I surrender haha.” He giggles, as he tries to stop you by easily grasping both your wrists into one of his large hands and pinning it above your head. Oddly enough, it almost did not seem like you’re the winner here. 😳

Realizing the suggestive position you are both in, he lets go of your wrist to bring one of his calloused hands to tenderly caress your warm cheek, his eyes look to yours with adoration. He didn’t want this moment to be lewd, he just wants it to be soft and genuine.

“I like you a lot, y/n-san.”

You cup his face with your hands before pulling him down to place a kiss to his forehead. “I like you too.”

Then your eyes catch a glimpse of his torso to see that his outfit is now wrinkly again, and from his position above you, gravity had tugged his half unbuttoned shirt revealingly, allowing you to see all the way down his chiseled abs.

You gulp. Oh boy, and here you thought he’s all fluff.

He notices you checking him out, then gives you the biggest, cheekiest grin as he leans down to nibble your ear.

“Like what you see?”

“Shut up.” Smacking his flexed bicep in embarrassment, only to feel heat rising to your head as you felt how rock solid it was.

“I’m going to say it!”

“Stop”

“Why don’t you take a photo of it then.” He says with a wink, earning a laugh and a facepalm from you.

“Goof, I will.”

—————

After getting Lev re-dressed, you take him to all the different places you thought were interesting, mostly away from public eyes. To your surprise, he poses very naturally, you barely have to give him any direction as he just automatically find ways to work his body in harmony with the settings.

Anywhere you go, and everyone you pass, people always seem to turn their heads back around to look at him; some were gazes of infatuated while some were of jealousy. But the amusing part of it all is how oblivious he had been about the looks he’s gotten, instead, his attention is all on you, and that really made you feel a stronger connection to him; both as his significant other and his photographer.

With any moment you were with him that day, you can’t help but raise your camera up to capture all the small things Lev would do; randomly reaching out to touch a small branch as he walks, leaning all the way down to talk to a cat by the side of the streets, and smiling widely every time you call his name, as if he’s meeting you for the first time after a very long time.

You want to capture it all with your camera; a physical manifestation of your memory. And you’re not the only one, sometimes you’ll catch him pull out his camera when you are fiddling with yours, or when the sun would kiss your radiant skin while you look up to the bright blue sky with your fist above you, something you would always do to discern the direction of your shadows. When you turn to him after hearing a snap, he would give you the cheekiest grin, before running up to you like nothing had happened.

Lev is as fascinated of you as you are of him.

You’ve read that a good photographer is able to draw a relationship with any of their models, but there is something really special about a session with someone you share personal interests with outside of the studio.

You never knew how it felt like to have someone like that to photograph, but today is the first time in a long time where every shutter feels like a blink, and the lens you look through feels like the extension of your pupils.

—————

You could have developed the film you’ve shot with Lev that same day, but you decided to be nice and wait until he’s done with his before doing so, since your tank could hold two rolls each time.

It had been a week since that shoot, and you’re surprised when Lev barges into your camera shop after his practice with the cat you’ve attempted to photograph months ago, dangling pathetically in his hands. He raises it up with the biggest grin you’ve ever seen.

“I think I finished my roll!”

Leaning on the glass counter at the shop, a big smile slowly creeps to your lips. His enthusiasm is so contagious, and seeing him definitely brights up your day every time.

“Congrats! Come here, let’s wind it up”

He sets the cat down, outside of your shop, petting it goodbye, before bouncing up to you and setting the camera down gently on the glass.

“Ok, so you’re going to want to pull this lever up half way, then with the other hand, press down on this little button.” You go to explain the steps, pointing to the different parts of the camera and miming your motion before handing it back to him. “Try it!”

He tries to follow your instructions, nervously pulling the lever up halfway, pressing the button underneath the camera, then begins to unwind. You bring your ear close to the camera to listen for a click, and he does the same.

Click.

Both your eyes light up, as he looks to you for approval before opening up the back. The film roll looks hilariously tiny in his large hands as he holds it out to you happily. “I did it!”

“Good job, Lev! Now you can put that in your empty canister!”

But he’s already at it, nodding happily as he rummages through his gym bag for one. Once it’s in, you hand him a tape and he concentrates on labelling it before handing the tape and pen back to you with a smile.

“I really can’t wait!” He hands your camera back to you, but instead, you shake your head.

“It’s yours. I’ve had it for a long time now.” His eyes widen as he reaches across the counter to pull you into a hug, placing a small kiss to your forehead.

“Thank you so much, I will be a very good camera parent!” You laugh.

“You had been! That’s why I trust you” And he smiles back so widely, you never want to feel his arms unwrap itself from your torso.

—————

When your shift is over that night, you bring Lev to your room to demonstrate the procedure with your roll of exposed film, so he can see it with the lights on. You had him reattempt it a few times with his eyes closed, occasionally reaching your hands out to guide him.

Once he feels confident enough, which was very quickly, you lay out everything you need on your bed, tells Lev to sit on the mattress, crosslegged, before throwing a blanket over him and all the tools.

You take a step back to laugh when you notice how silly this looks; Lev looks like a giant on your bed, and now that there’s a blanket over him, he can’t seem to stop giggling.

“Alright, I’m turning off the lights. Hold tight, you blanket monster."

Then you draw your blackout curtains, turns off all the lights and makes sure that your room is completely dark before climbing under the blanket, opposite to him. You didn’t tumble or walk into anything at all since you’ve done this so many times.

“Ok, so treat this just like your practice run! I find it easier to keep your eyes closed.”

He nods, but then he quickly realizes that you could not see him. “Ok!”

Reaching for his film, he begins working on his operation, surprisingly calmly, though he did fumble and struggle to load his strip on to his roll, he kept persisting. Meanwhile, you work on yours in silence and with very precise movements.

Soon after, you load both your films into your tub and closes the lid, before pulling the blanket off.

“Oof, it was hot in there!” He says, stretching his arms up in the dark while you set the tub on your desk before turning the lights back on.

“You’re like a human furnace, it’s never been that warm under the blankets before. how was it?”

He does the grabby hands and pulls you back on to his lap, placing a small kiss to your nose before responding.

“It was really comforting.” Then he gently squeezes his hand on your waist, causing you to wiggle out of his gasp with a squeal.

“I’m not falling for that again!” You exclaim, sitting on the the ground with your arms around your torso to protect yourself from the tickle monster.

He laughs loudly. “But you’re so adorable!”

————

Lev eventually left to go home after the film was developed.

Excited to see the results of your photoshoot, you stayed up late to scan all the shots. Once it’s done, you disconnect your laptop so you can sit on your bed with your back against the wall, happily flipping through the shots while snacking on some dates.

As expected, all your shots of Lev turned out very well, and you can’t help but linger on some of the photos, obsessing over just how effortlessly captivating he look; he’ll look so seductive in one, looking down at the camera, half lidded with the slightest hint of a playful smirk, while in the next, he’ll look so innocent, with his face tilted slightly downwards, and his almond eyes subtly widened, allowing the sun to bounce off the vibrancy of his gem colored orbs.

You can’t believe that his only modeling experience was of him with his sister, on an ice cream commercial when he was 5. You laugh at the thought of him smothering his face with ice cream.

But what surprises you most is Lev’s album; with photos of you taking up more than half of his roll, and they were all very well shot too. Do I really look like this?

You hate being photographed, but upon looking through his shots of you, you can’t help but feel the warmth of happiness radiate from within your heart.

Through his lens, you looked so authentic and genuinely happy. He captured you at moments you never knew was worth capturing, and you begin to wonder if he had the same urge to photograph you as badly as you did for him, when you first met in the alley at dawn.

Recounting back to all the times you felt his eyes watch you appreciatively, with a warm smile. He makes you feel loved, and special.

You come to realize why you hate to be photographed; you never felt worthy enough to spend a roll of film on. But he’s proving you wrong, as you now understand the way he sees you.

He sees you for you. It’s as simple as that.

Then at the end of the album, you see a photo that brings the happiest smile to your lips: it was his first shot where he’s tickling you. The light that you thought was too direct, turned out to be perfectly exposed, rimming the two of you beautifully, while the mess on your bed provided authenticity to the photo. You can’t help but smile wider as you remember the exact moment when you two kissed for the first time.

You’ve finally found your muse.

——————

Taglist: @shhhlikeme

[lasersheith]

Day 13: Tragedy

This started as another drabble for @sheithmonth but I’ll probably make it a full fic later lol

Canonverse | Pre-kerb | T | 1.7K (whoops) 

Getting the quartermaster to agree to sign over the newest and best hoverbike in the garage for an evening wasn’t easy. Matt had tried and been denied on the basis that he was awful at driving, which while entirely fair, had thrown a wrench in Shiro’s plan when he asked only a handful of minutes later. “You gonna let Holt drive?” The quartermaster asked, glaring suspiciously.

“Uh, Holt?” Shiro had stammered out.

The quartermaster was not impressed. “Scrawny little dork that follows you around? The one that crashed an 8400 into the one tree in a 40 mile radius?”

Shiro laughed awkwardly. “Oh, yeah. No, sorry that was a joke. No, I’m going to take it out for a test ride. Get some more hours logged.” His face flushed, as it always did when he was lying.

She crossed her arms. “Try again, LT.” Her glare felt like it was boring into his soul.

Shiro hung his head. “It’s Keith’s birthday. I know he’s still a senior cadet and isn’t allowed to check the vehicles out, but he’s at least as good as I am and it’ll mean a lot to him.” He was practically begging, sad puppy eyes and all.

Sighing, she filled out a few lines on her terminal. “If there is a single scratch,” She held up her index finger as she handed over the keys with her other hand. “And I mean one, you will be on latrine duty until you’re a General.” She threatened.

Shiro beamed a charming smile as he took the keys. “Thanks, Sarge.” He didn’t wait for her reply before scampering to the door on the other side of the garage.

He grinned, holding up the keys as soon as he got to the hallway. Matt pumped his fist in the air, whooping loudly. “Sweet! I gotta grab my present for Keith. You go get him, we’ll meet back in the garage.” Matt called, already rushing down the hallway.

Shiro was still smiling when he got to Keith’s room and knocked loudly twice. Keith opened the door, smiling back when he saw it was Shiro. He tilted his head a little at the keys Shiro held up. “I checked out the 8600 until curfew. Matt’s grabbing uh,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “provisions, let’s say.”

Keith’s eyes widened in disbelief before he threw his arms around Shiro’s waist and squeezed him in a tight hug. “This is the best birthday ever.” He mumbled into Shiro’s shirt.

Face heating up again, Shiro laughed as he returned the hug, just a little too long. It always amazed him how strong Keith was. “Just wait until you get to drive it.” He said reverently.

Keith pulled back, his own face a little pink as well. “Gotta grab my jacket first!” He said with an excited smile.

They rushed back to the garage, where Matt was already waiting, leaning up against Shiro’s bike. “There he is! The man of the hour!” Matt called, walking up to give Keith a high five. He slung his backpack off his shoulder after their hands met. “And for our esteemed birthday boy, I giveth thee: Fire.” He opened the bag to reveal a frankly irresponsible amount of fireworks.

Keith’s eyes lit up like a kid in a candy shop. “Definitely the best birthday ever.” He said.

Shiro tossed Keith his keys before heading over to the newer model that he’d checked out. “Race ya?” He teased, flipping down his helmet.

Keith scoffed. “You’re on! Come on, Matt!” He called, jumping onto Shiro’s bike without bothering with a helmet.

Matt clipped his own helmet on uneasily. “Ok, racing? Really? Must we, children?” He gripped Keith’s shoulders tightly.

“Yup.” Keith said with a smirk over his shoulder, revving the engine once before careening out of the garage, Shiro hot on his heels.

The race was hardly fair, the bike Keith was on was an old model and Shiro’s was top of the line. He briefly considered letting Keith win because it was his birthday, but decided against it. It was still close and Shiro laughed as he realized that Keith probably would have won without Matt flailing.

“Dry land!” Matt called as he hopped off, tossing his helmet to the ground. Shiro and Keith rolled their eyes at him.

Shiro turned to Keith and patted him on the back. “That was some good flying.” He said with a smile.

Keith smiled back. “Next time we’ll have to go without Matt trying to climb my head.”

Shiro held the keys out to him. “Go nuts. Just be careful, Sarge’ll have my head if we bring it back in less than mint condition.” He took the helmet that was under his arm and plopped it onto Keith’s head. Keith rolled his eyes again as he took the keys. It wasn’t that long ago that Shiro’s helmet would have had no chance of fitting on his head. Now he only needed to tighten it a little bit.

Shiro and Matt cheered him on as he pushed the bike as hard as it would go in the flat, seemingly endless desert. Keith spent over an hour just seeing how fast he maneuver, how good the handling was, how high he could get the bike to jump using the small dunes as ramps.

Shiro watched breathlessly, watching Keith fly had always been incredible to him, but he was still reeling from how much Keith had grown while he was away for a few weeks on a training mission. He’d been back for over a month, but he still found it hard to look at Keith now. Or rather, he found it far too easy to look at Keith, he was a near-constant distraction.

“Hey, are you done ogling? I’m bored and I wanna blow some stuff up.” Matt elbowed him hard in the arm.

Shiro rubbed it and glared. “Ask Keith, it’s his birthday.” He grumbled.

Matt cupped his hands around his mouth. “Hey nerd! Come light stuff on fire!” He yelled. Keith had no idea what he said, of course, but he heard Matt yelling, so he turned the bike back towards the shady spot under the outcropping and zipped their way. “He’s uh, is he going a little fast?” Matt asked nervously.

Shiro grimaced. “It’s probably fine. It’s Keith.” He reassured. Matt or himself, he wasn’t sure.

Keith slid to a stop well clear of the rocks, and Shiro breathed a sigh of relief. He was still grinning from ear to ear as he pulled Shiro’s helmet off. “That was awesome.” He said, a little out of breath.

Shiro smiled fondly at him as he took the helmet. Their fingers brushed and Shiro almost dropped it. Matt rolled his eyes. “Anyway, fireworks?” He asked, impatiently.

“Yes!” Keith agreed, turning to dig in the bag with Matt. They pulled out two roman candles each.

Sighing, Shiro grabbed two for himself from the bag. Matt pulled out an unnecessarily large lighter that was shaped like a miniature blowtorch and held it up towards Keith’s first candle. “I never say this, but aim away from the face.” Matt cautioned with a shit-eating grin.

Shiro and Keith cringed as they laughed at Matt’s awful joke, and Keith held his candle high. They all watched as the bright lights exploded from the end of the candle and landed far off into the desert. Matt did his own next, and then Shiro’s. They went in the same order for the second round.

As Shiro’s second candle was going off, Keith leaned down to dig through Matt’s bag for more fireworks. Shiro turned his head, distracted by the way Keith’s sweaty shirt rode up just the slightest bit, revealing a tantalizing strip of skin just above the hem of his pants. “Shiro! Down!” Matt warned. They all looked up and covered their heads as Shiro pulled his arm down just a fraction of a second too late.

The last flash of light slammed into the rocks above, causing a small rockslide, thankfully just out of range of any of them. Less thankfully, several large rocks slammed into the side of the brand new bike, scuffing and dinging the shiny chrome finish. Shiro and Keith stared in disbelief as Matt grimaced. “Ooohh… tragic.” He said, entirely unsympathetically.  

Shiro groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Sarge is gonna kill me.”

Keith let out a harsh breath. “What happened?” He asked, turning away from the wreckage to look at Shiro.

“I uh,” Shiro stammered. “I don’t know, I thought it would be a cool arc. Misjudged it.” His face practically glowed red.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure” he muttered.

Keith walked over to the bike and ran his hand across the scuffs. “We can probably buff most of these out.” He said, brows furrowed in concentration. He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and started cleaning away the scuff-marks as well as he could. Pulling at his shirt resulted in exposing most of his lower back and part of his side.

Shiro swallowed hard as he tried to make his mouth work. Matt shook his head and mouthed really? Shiro cleared his throat. “It’s fine. I’ll fix it, Keith, don’t worry. It’s your birthday.” He tried to walk over to the bike, but tripped on one of the rocks and landed on his stomach in the dirt.

“Shiro! Are you ok?” Keith asked, running up to Shiro’s prone form.

Shiro groaned. “I’m fine. Just leave me. I need a minute.” He pounded his head lightly into the ground.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Guys, let’s just bust into supply when they close and steal some spray paint. Problem solved.”

Keith was still kneeling by Shiro in concern, but he looked up at Matt. “Isn’t it hard to get into?”

Matt scoffed. “Only if you take your shirt off, apparently.” He mumbled.

“What?” Keith asked.

“Only if you’re not as good as me.” Matt amended with an innocent smile.

Keith nodded and patted Shiro’s back. “Don’t worry, we’ll make sure the bike gets fixed.”

Shiro sighed and held up a hand, giving a thumbs up as he laid there.

[junker-town]

I’m a Falcons fan. Not even 28-3 can break me.

Losing Super Bowl 51 was the bottom. Nothing will ever hurt that bad again.

28-34: 2nd and Goal, James White 2 yard touchdown run, Patriots win in OT

I decided the confetti would not touch me. That was the line I drew; that was the one indignity I refused as an Atlanta Falcons fan. The bags released from the NRG Stadium ceiling the second the review of White’s touchdown was upheld and I started hopping along empty seats, around and through Patriots fans, abandoning the sight of what had happened as fast as damn possible. This manic exit was probably the most athletic feat of my adult life.

The dry heaving started as soon as I got to the concourse. I couldn’t actually vomit -- I hadn’t eaten in seven hours, first because of nerves and then because I didn’t want to miss a single play of this, our coronation! But just in case I stood over one of those trash cans with the recycling dividers on the lid.

I started to gag again.

“Ooooh, oh baby. Baby, you gonna be OK,” a beer lady closing down her kiosk said.

This was the same area in which, two hours prior, I had solicited a high-five from an on-duty Texas Ranger after Tevin Coleman scored Atlanta’s fourth touchdown. This stupefying extension of my white privilege not only didn’t earn me a taser or handcuffs, but the high-fived law enforcement office responded “Man, y’all sure are laying the damn wood,” with a smile.

I wanted so badly to vomit, hoping that would stop the pain in my stomach. If one of the three Budweisers or the $9 bottle of Dasani came up, I decided I could spit it through either the “plastic” or “landfill” holes on the bin.

A stranger in an Alge Crumpler jersey stopped to look at me while he lit a cigarette inside the building.

“Hey man,” he said. “Cursed. We are fucking cursed.”

28-28: Two point conversion, Tom Brady pass to Danny Amendola

Atlanta fans are not cursed. No one is. A sports curse is a stupid, lazy way to explain away the failings of millionaire strangers you’re embarrassed to be emotionally invested in.

Besides, I don’t think Atlanta Falcons fans are allowed to claim a curse. Curses are pacifiers for shitty performing teams who have national appeal, and almost every conversation I’ve had with strangers about the Falcons -- my favorite team in any sport for my entire life -- inevitably arrives at the same question, even after I explain I’m from Georgia: Why the Falcons?

About that: I’m not explaining that anymore, why I care so much about the Falcons I was gagging into a trash can. No one asks people why they vomit in The Meadowlands.

My family is from Georgia; half from Macon crackers and half from Roswell WASPs. That’s it. That’s why I’m a Falcons fan. I don’t have to justify shit to you, Tampa homeowner in a Steelers jersey.

Here’s where we skip the four paragraphs about ennui and Southern pro sports franchises. And we aren’t going to paint a picture of Atlanta based on an out-of-towner’s gross miscalculation that the city is a cultureless void of white collar migrants and no local identity just because you’re scared of humidity and trap music. But there is a fantastic aquarium, you should try to visit that if you get a chance.

28-26: 2nd and Goal, James White 1-yard touchdown run

I shouldn’t care, but it’s hard to ignore that certain fan bases’ misery earns them some kind of certification for national acceptance. For instance, we pause to reflect on the Buffalo Bills losing four consecutive Super Bowls. Woe is the long winter of that city’s Loyal. True. Fans.

Buffalo’s is an “existential pain” and not a joke, because Buffalo is the kind of place a sports columnist can go 20 inches to nowhere with tripe about the hope inside of workaday Springsteen characters roaming the cheap seats. You know, in the America that used to be great, except America actually sucked as much then too, which is why all those people moved South to take jobs.

Now -- If you’re the Houston Oilers, lol, you’re not a city yearning to rally around a championship: Oh no. You’re just some assholes who blew a 34-point postseason lead back when Matt Ryan was 7 years old.

If most people laugh at the idea of an Atlanta Falcons fan base, surely no one is going to respect how bitter a Falcons fan still feels after February 5. But knowing that actually helps, at least for me. The only thing worse than being made to feel like your fandom is somehow invalid in comparison to a Green Bay or Pittsburgh is humping a Super Bowl loss for sympathy points from media and other fans.

The NFL has enough problems without creating its own Cubs fans.

28-20: Two point conversion, James White 1-yard run

The Atlanta Falcons blew a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl. At some point in the proceeding seven months realizing that fact felt slightly less than devastating. That’s it. That’s all the misery you’ll get from me.

As a fan I have chosen to survive this, and not out of some attempt at altruism. Nah. I’m still here, still signed up for 16 games and God-knows-what-else-come-January because it’s all house money now, and forever: I’ve seen the absolute worst thing that could happen in a game to my team. Ever.

Not Eugene Robinson. Not Brett Favre. Not Bobby Petrino. Not Bad Newz Kennels. Not marrying into a Saints family. Not getting my ass whipped by Washington fans on a school bus in Virginia in 1992 for wearing my team’s Starter jacket.

Imagine knowing that your fandom has found absolute bottom. Imagine knowing nothing else can hurt you as much as it already has.

28-18: 2nd and 2, Tom Brady touchdown pass to Danny Amendola

This might actually be the most watchable, most enjoyable Falcons team in the history of the franchise. And in 51 years that’s not as bold a statement as it should be, so it’s even that much more enticing to watch.

A few months ago a college head coach described Dan Quinn’s Seattle-Atlanta defense to me: “I mean, don’t write it like this because it’s not appropriate anymore, but we love it because they can trick you just enough put a ball carrier out in space to flat knock you the fuck out. On purpose.”

I know my silent admiration for that quote is the root of what might end the violent sport of football entirely, but I am a weak person who loses moral calibration every time Keanu Neal tattoos someone.

Go back and watch that Seattle Super Bowl over Denver. If you don’t like defense, if you were weaned on Steve Spurrier or Bill Walsh, go watch that game again. Watch the things a defense can do when it wants to be fluid and graceful and not the 1985 Bears.

In the space between talking about New England, our fan base has managed to develop excitement about the young players designed to overcome the fourth-quarter evaporation that allowed* the Patriot comeback.

(*The preceding statement, however tacitly, technically acknowledges that Super Bowl 51 was not the entire fault of former offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. However, it is still the unwavering belief of this writer that Mr. Shanahan should at some point in the near future go fuck himself forever.)

28-12: 4th and Goal, Stephen Gostkowski 33 Yd Field Goal

Julio Jones glides just off the ground. All the time: He even glides when he’s run blocking, when he went in motion in the damn backfield to pull safeties away from a touchdown run by Devonta Freeman in the Super Bowl.

Julio Jones is a 6’3, 220-pound, living action verb whose default setting is “General Lee, midair” and sometimes when I’m having a bad day I watch this play on repeat, because ahahahahahahaha there’s no league policy against using a Kaiju at wideout:

When I watch that clip it occurs to me that my fixation on winning a Super Bowl might cause me to miss the joy of watching what will almost certainly be one of the genuinely fun NFL offenses of the last decade.

Some people ruin their fandom trying to sort their quarterbacks or defenses in the pantheon of greatness. My failing has always been the reduction of every single moment to a binary: Championship / No Championship. That’s always been it. As a fan I have never stopped to appreciate the single moments of satisfaction along the way.

28-9: 2nd and Goal, Tom Brady touchdown pass to James White

I love that Deion Sanders is still the greatest cornerback in history, even if he went to San Francisco. I love Jerry Glanville. I love the Grits Blitz. I love “Big Ben Right.” I love that Michael Vick ran 46 yards for a touchdown in overtime and scared the ever-loving shit out of White America for a decade. Hell, I still love Michael Vick, and I adopted a pit bull and named it after Matt Ryan. I love breaking Minnesota’s soul in 1998 to repay the Twins in 1991. I love Dan Reeves. I love MC Hammer. I love the “Dirty Bird.” None of these things, built over 36 years of my life, were context for what happened vs. New England.

If you met a Falcons fan in a sports bar tomorrow and you couldn’t rile them about the Super Bowl and they still expressed genuine excitement for the 2017 season, you would be terrified of what would be an obvious sociopath. This is the kind of fan I have to be now to keep going. The guy you don’t want to fight in that sports bar because you know they wouldn’t just swing a few times, they’d bite you in the face.

I will bite you in the face. At no point in this Godforsaken experience of losing a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl have I stopped loving the things about this lampooned, derided sports team that makes a grown man dry heave in anger.

If that’s true, if Super Bowl 51 can’t separate me from this stupid team, then I will surely die with them. Because nothing can be worse.

I seriously think we’re going to win the Super Bowl this year.

28-3

[kim-drawings]

these are my vacation updates and i could only post them on my rp blog because the wifi there sucks. so have fune reading :3

leaving and arrival at parc.

(so lol still under way with the car. So we wanted to take a stop but thanks to mom we missed that stop and had to wait for an hour and a half for the next one. Funny thing is that everyone needed to go badly but not me XD. So anyways i just ate and we are back underway since we still have a long way to go)(welp we have arrived at the parc so see you guys laters oke?)(alright lol everyone is settled and we also installed the free wifi here. though its very slow and doesent react quickly. the house wasnt very well cleaned but the scenery is beautiful and near a lake. i love it. though i wish that my brothers gf would stop nagging about alot of things. she’s kinda bumming everyone out here. so i instantly ignore her. the dog is beeing very weird here but i geuss its normal since she hasnt travelled to anywhere in a long while. did some sketches in the car wich i am going to blackline and color in later, dont have a scanner so i’ll take pictures of it with my phone. hope you guys are having fun to x3)(soooooo we found the dome here wich is were the store’s are, the info center and the swimmingpool. tomorrow we are going to explore more and hopeffully the weather will stay dry and the dog will be more used to the new surroundings cause she’s panting like crazy. im actually looking forward to swim x3 even though i get shy everytime i go there. lol thats how i work aparantly XD. we discovered there is a zoo nearby, i wonder how that is like x3 cause i do wanna go there. i’ll be probably sketching things rick and morty related and maybey not XD. anyways i hope you’re all having fun to :3.)

day 1 (oke so last night was pretty crazy i swear. so first off all my brothers gf was to fucking afraid to do something about the spiders in her room. she dint want to wake mom who wasnt even sleeping yet, so she went to bother me and i had a headache and was tired from the trip. so she tried to do it herself with my brother but she kept screaming and yelling so my mom came and dealt with every spider that was there. so finally it was quiet again. well i already talked about those geese and about this morning so i can skip that. so i went shopping with mom, my brother and hiss gf and it was pretty fun. now we are resting and maybey we will swim today cause i really want to x3)(alright im back and imma do another update thing. so eum i did a morning one, after midday wasnt so spectacular since it was raining so we decided to go and swim after dinner. i was so exited. but once there i kinda got dissapointed since it wasnt as big as im used to when we go to centerparcs. buuuuut i just shoved those thoughts aside and just had some fun exploring wich wasnt so great actually. but i kept on looking for the positive things wich i did, there were even funny moments were either one of us got stuck on the wild water slide, because they dint put enough water in it, or because my brother did something fucking hilarious. anyways after exploring we just went to the outside pool, water was nice and warm like sheesh if you dint watch yourself you could fall asleep because of the warmth itself. but since we were outside the air feels a bit colder XD. when i was swimming and relaxing wich i love to do most of all in those pools. it felt peacefull and nice if you block out all the noise :3 . so after that we went back to our cottage or house and played some UNO EXTREME, and i won 3 times x3 hehehe, those who play fair win fairly more :3. it was fun but sadly enough after dinner i dint feel so good so it kinda influenced my mood but i just ignored it most of the time. now im relaxing while they play poker, i dont like playing poker with my brother and hiss gf because they take it to seriously wich then infects my dad and i dont need that, so i was glad i played UNO with them before they changed it to poker. i still have one sketch to finish from my car trip but that’ll be for tomorrow. my mom wants to plan sertain things for us to do wich is always fun :3.)

day 2 (so little update thing for today. so like yesterday the dog was awake at 07:00 again. i think she hass a hard time adjusting to her new enviroment, but thats oke my brother got up and took her outside and then stayed with her wich im glad he did because he finally shows some responcebillity for hiss dog. anyways the birds woke me up at 10:22 AM wich is good because i dont wanna sleep the rest of the day away. my brother made an error wich im not going into detail in, lets just say she wasnt happy at all and my brother got the harsh treatment. so anyways they went to walk the dog while me and mom went to walk around discovering things some more. we found the little petting zoo, i believe thats how they call it in english. anyways so it was alot of fun and we found out they keep racoons there to that are not fit for the wild anymore. they arent tame but they arent fit for the wild anymore. thats all the explanation gave us. but i swear that fluffy one kinda reminded me of a rick. x3, later we are going to an evening market)(another update thing of today. so i went to an evening market here andit was fun. i also saw an old lady painting beautiful things onto candles and wooden shoe’s and i couldnt help but compliment her. she was so sweet and kind and overly happy that we liked her art. we also bought some of her stuff. she was so happy. so once we came back we played uno during almost the rest of the evening wich is also the reason of my abscence. so im sorry for my dissapearance. but i had fun playing uno, i laughed alot wich in turn will be bad for my voice in the morning XD.)

day 3 (so i know i dint do an update part thingy today and the reason for that is because most of the day i was on my laptop or drawing because it was rainning. so we couldnt do much during the day. also i really hate my brothersince he’s infected everyone in here with hiss cold and he doesent even wanna put hiss hand infront of hiss mouth when he coughs. ontop of that my brothers gf got infected because of him and im still in the clear yay for me x3. he’s been sick since monday but dint wanna get medication for it until tuesday when we went shopping with mom. anyways so they both have been so annoying and ruining alot of great moments with their negativity. thats why i told mom and dad that i dint want them with us because they have this thing to turn everything into a negative thing especially hiss gf. like today she was telling how much beeing in fashion was important and all. my parents told her that its not that important and that people are wearing clothes that they are feeling comofrotable in these days and she is right. but the gf just told my parents they were old fashioned and stuff and that people should think about fashion because it makes them look cooler and such and that it is important. until i opend my mouth and told her that they arent old fashioned, she is because of the way she is thinking and that she needs to get her nose out of the expensive clothing and judgemental negative thoughts and look around herself. alot of people are wearing the clothing they feel comfortable in these days, wether it is fashionable or not, wether its expensive or not. boy did she dim down he fucking mouth cause i swear she was bad mouthing my parents, infront of them, infront of my useless brother who cant even open hiss mouth to her and infront of me. anyways so i tried blocking her out with music, wich helped but then we had to go and get pizaa from the dome. like we went to get some information on how it works, does it get delivered or not. so we got the information but i wanted to go shopping peacefully since we had an hour before they start making pizza’s. but my fucking brother and hiss gf had to nag about choosing a pizza now in the bussy and loud house of games. they decided their pizza’s mom did to but i told them i wanna go back into the dome where its peacefull and quieter. so finally went out of the house of games and i could read the fucking menu we got from the bar. i decided on a pizza and told mom we should go shopping. the shopping calmed me down alot since they shut their mouths. so after shopping we ordered some pizza to take home and went home. we ate the pizza and i dint feel so good afterwards. idk what they did with the pizza but it made me feel so freaking bad. so i just wanted to draw peacefully and listen to some music before we went bowling. but she wanted to play uno again and it was only 30 minutes before we had to leave back to the house of games. like seriously she dint have the patience to relax and wait. so we went bowling and it was alotta fun. it made my stress go away and i laughed alot. we went to drink at a restaurant and i also ate some ice cream wich was yummy. we went hom and i went straight to my bedroom to relax and draw and that was my day. today wasnt so much fun as yesterday but i try to block out their negative behavior to make it a happy day x3)

day 4 (oke another update thingy. so today was another rainy day but i woke up in a happy mood. my brother and hiss gf were giving alot of negative vibes again and their attitude was negative. but then we went for a swim and it was all nice and relaxed and funny. but we stayed in the pool for like 4 hours and i felt drained and weak. i was shaking softly and overall not so good. we went grocery shopping before we came home. i ate a brownie and a muffin now. but still feeling a bit weak but atleest alot more relaxed and happy. i also discovered that my parents were also having enough of my brother and hiss gf’s bad attitude and such but they are doing what im doing and thats trying not to get affected by them. they are still sick but atleest taking their meds. we are going to a dinner thing at 18:00 soon)(so we went to this restaurant were you can get and choose the food yourself, but there wasnt much to choose from like holy shit. i was like ‘is this it?’ like normally with this open buffet thing you can choose from 3 different categories or even more but mostly its 3 for the warm food, also soup and in the middle cold food. but this was more everything to do with barbique and also a tiny bit of cold food and alot of fries. i dint eat much so i had room for dessert. wich wasnt alot either. like not much fruit , more soft ice cream with sprinkles and some cookies and marshmallows and a chocolate fountain. i dint mind though since i like marshmallows and the chocolate fountain x3. i ate well but i just hated it that you have to pay extra for softdrinks while tea and coffee are included with you’re reservation. we ended up paying 110 euro’s for 4 people pluse 2 softdrinks. softdrinks here are fantas, coca cola, soda and such stuff. anyways we got home and i just wanted to relax in the bedroom cause damn my stumach had a hard time digesting XD. so my bro and hiss gf and my parents played poker again. i dont like playing poker with them cause they take the game waaaaaaaaay to seriously and i dont know so well how to play the game well so i avoided playing that game with them. the other games are fine but not the poker one. anyways thats why i was online so much in the evening and even a bit during the night. i also found a new brand of cider to drink, it only hass like 5 procent alcohol in it. wich is great cause i dont like to drink high percentages of alcohol :P i can always taste the alcohol through the other tastes + i love sweet types of alcohol to. anyways i had tons of fun and beeing on here distracted me from the other two who were coughing themselves blus, sort to speak)

day 5 (so today was a good day. i woke up with a happy feeling. i went for a 3 or 4 hour dog walk with mom. wich was great because she could vent out to me about my brother and hiss gf’s actions and how sick and tired she was getting. like for instance if you know you’re going on vacation tell the people that are helping you get a job that you’re on a 2 week vacation so you can relax. but she dint and hass been nagging about not getting any wifi for work related things, while we are looking at her like ‘are you stupid or something or just ignorent’ anyways, she vented out i vented out, we saw alot of doggies to there and some baby ducks and baby water chickens. it was so much fun. after that i drew a little bit, then we went to eat at the pancake house. i must say i was dissapointed. they dint let the pancakes fully bake so it looked like a pancake but once you cut into the pancake you could see it wasnt fully baked. im glad i actually survived that D: lol. so we went to the souvenir store again. bought another cute souvenir. once home i’ll take some pictures of them and post them on here or on my art blog, better on my art blog cause i have some pretty scenery pictures and all. anyways so we went home and i went drawing again and beeing on here x3. because they wanted to do poker again and i dont like playing poker with my brothers gf cause she seriously takes the whole thing to serious and that makes it no fun at all. i never told them why i dont wanna poker everytime they wanna poker, so my brother and hiss gf finally asked but i just dint reply cause im not obliged to do so XD. but atleest i could finish my drawings x3. )

day 6 (alrighty im back from swimmng. so gonna do an update of today wich is the last day. we are going to leave tomorrow in the morning. so morning nothing special, i got woken up at 10:00 AM by some kids who were playing outside, but i heard things better on the right side of this bedroom since the window is there XD. also the dog was beeing a smart little girl since she whined to me to go outside so i let her outside on a leash since i dont want her to chase those pack of geese XD, but thats not the smart part, the smart part is because aparantly she already was let outside to do her thing at 07:00 AM XD. so yeah lol. we had breakfast but we dint know what to do afterwards since they dont present so many activities here for adults at this parc since the other parc’s do. so i suggested to go to the house of games. we spend a few hours in there playing one game there wich was fun cause mom was there and she was getting slightly exited about this game. XD then my brother and hiss gf found us and we played a bit of billiarts me vs my brother we hiss gf and mom made a few pictures i really wanna see but that will happen tomorrow. i also drew a but before the house of games and posted it. we came home we ate and relaxed a bit as i drew a little bit again. we went swimming for 1 or 2 hours and a half. it was very relaxing and we had those waves again. whenever i get relaxed mentally and fysicly i somethimes go to fantasy mode lol. and during the waves i was like ‘omg that would be so cute if Morticia went here  along with Ace, Katherine, @daycare-miami-r-ick and @ricktactoe and hiss morty. whenever Morticia is swayed along the wave towards @daycare-miami-r-ick she would push him under water and then swim away giggeling alot and i bett he would’ve caught her and did something silly to her’ XD dont ask why my brain just does that oke. anyways during the swim a guy came up behind me grabbing and fondling my breasts before laughing hard and swimming away. im not a fast swimmer so i stood there kinda scared and violated buuuuuut my brother XD my brother XD he swims alot fast then i can so he saw what happend aparantly and he swam after the guy yelling ‘YOU SON OF A BITCH HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY BIG SISTER LIKE THAT’ i swear he caught him and beat him up even though i wanted to do that to i would’ve gone to one of the poolwatchers there of what happend instead of beating him up. but eventually i had to cause the guy tried to get my brother banned from the pool but i told this poolwatcher lady what happend and aparantly i had to go with her and say my statement again and they had to ask that guys name and aparantly he did this to 5 other women in the diffrent pools there and he got banned from the pool so he had to go change and leave. i swear that moment when my brother zoomed by it was kinda like a Morticia and @daycare-miami-r-ick moment there seriously. so we swam some more and i relaxed again. we got some icecream after swimming and then went straight to the cottage x3)

leaving parc (this one is from today)

(update lol. so today i stood up at 08:30 AM with my parents we all could leave at 09:00 AM since we packed up everything already. but geuss who decided to stay asleep until 09:30 AM and still had to pack their things? yeah my brother and hiss gf. so eventually we left around 10:00 AM and decided to let my brother take the lead with hiss car since he sais that hiss gps is better then our dads. it fucking isnt. he did 2 pitstops, one at 10:15AM and the other at 12:20 AM. my dads gps said that we would arrive at that time but thanks to my brothers gps and hiss 2 pitstops we ended up home at 13:30 PM. atleest i slept for an hour in the car cause i was tired. anyways we unpacked the dog was acting up again due to the change again. i unpacked my stuff im still organizing a little bit. gonna put all the updates on my other blog since the wifi there sucked i could only post the updates on here. so imma scan the drawings i made and post them on my art blog to and then imma take pictures of all the souvenirs and post them there to along with some other pictures i see fit to post there. the rest of the week i still have vacation so imma see if i cant do some drawings because i’ve been procrastinating on a few. :P)