#ok off to do The Stuff rn
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Me, going to watch alien stage (the one [1] clip i saw convinced me to): :)
Me, remembering i also have to reschedule gym: oh. Shit!
Me, remembering i also have to redo the P.E. homework for tomorrow (its 6pm): oh. SHIT.
Me, remembering i also have to feed The Cats™️: OH SHIT
#rambles#ok gotta do this rn#it seems like i cant remember more than three things at once#thats what happens when you forget to write things down. angel. sweetie#ok off to do The Stuff rn
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you will never guess but i have another magma compilation
the discord didn't appreciate my "she hanako on my toilet til im bound" joke 💔
the only non magma art from the past few days someone drag me away from there
#did you know i call luocha my silly rabbit#well now you do im sorry#argenti is the hamster btw#i was going through it idk#putting these in non chronological order and biting my hand off doing so bc it hurts so bad but the formatting is so awkward otherwise RAGH#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr yaoshi#all saints street#fu xuan#gepard landau#luocha#pokemon#heliolisk#hsr misha#im not tagging that one#project voltage#oc#toilet bound hanako kun#my art#magma#this tagging is so inconsistent what is happening#tapping my brain 'you in there?? you ok???'#genshin impact#drawing any ship art is so embarrassing i dont get how ppl do it i get so embarrassed#i try every so often n give up so quickly. like i want to draw mushy stuff but its so embarrassing n i instead draw stupid shit instead#HELP I WENT INTO THIS BEING LIKE 'I DONT HAVE THAT MANY TO POST IDK IF A POST IS WARRANTED RN' AND BOOM
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oh my god so i just saw this picture of froy guitterez with a bearded dragon and i fear i am going to have to give clyde a bearded dragon. i'm not sure how he got her, ( prolly by doing something extremely impulsive, dumb and unhinged ), but he snuck her into him and tolkien's dorm room and was like "okay! so don't get mad BUT--"
...he was Mad, btw. but rm!tolkien doesn't scream because he is a dignified british king ( the only one i respect ) and just speaks at a slightly louder volume and does things with his eyebrows like "Why. Do. You. Have. A. LIZARD. Clyde?" and he's like "okay, first of all, she's not JUST a lizard; she's a Bearded Dragon and her name is-" idk what her name is it's probably something insane like glizzy or salamanda or mary guana, i want to start crying, oh my god. clyde loves reptiles.
and tolkien is like "right...so does 'glizzy' have a cage? food?...water?" and clyde is just staring at him blankly like, "damn. i didn't think about that." KHSSDLKSDH HELP so they go to a lil pet store, i think they figure out a clever way to keep her warm and make her a strange makeshift enclosure. tldr, she gets all set up...except they have to Hide her ( also prolly in some elaborate way ) bc they're not supposed to have pets in the dorms and at first, tolkien was so Anti-Glizzy, like he made clyde put up lost lizard ads online/stuff on craigslist...
...buUUUUt accidentally got attached to her and secretly took the all listings down. anyways, happy pride month ft. rm!tyde co-parenting a lizard daughter together. the world is a beautiful place, in fact. <3
#nina speaks#sorry this made me laugh#too much#homoerotic activities smh#just two guys being dudes being lizard girl dads#i love rm clyde and rm tolkien theyre so funny#also clydes dinosaur hyperfixation was going off#he is just...the most distracted ever#not alert that king#tolkien was like go put that thing back where it came from rn#but im sure clyde cried so he was like#siiigh OKAY#the way i bet u in the begining tolkien was like oh my god#what a Foul and ODIOUS creature#and now she is his special lady ok she hangs out with him while he does art projects and when clyde is saying weird stuff#hes like *looks at glizzy* i kno darling it does sound like bullocks doesnt it KDHSDLSHDKDH GO TEAM GO#also idk what her name is i just wanted to laugh#it has to be insane i know clyde named her something weird#also its so funny to me in a weird way rm!tyde is like slightly ravesey coded in a diff font their double dates are iconic#we love the hottest baddest man in the universe#and his cute pathetic boyfriend w/ the pretty eyes#music to my ears lmaooo tolkien and jerseykyle everyday watching clyde and ravenstan interact like#oh god what are we doing what have we done#it is like taking ur boyfriend to the dog park help#also i know that ravenstan was like WOWZA SHES SO CUTE#and jersey was like aLRIGHT BOYS SHOWS OVER#STAN WERE NOT GETTING A CRAZY LIZARD THING#STOP GIVING HIM IDEAS DONOVAN U SHIDIOT#15 min loop of jerseykyle about to strangle rm!clyde#its ok he grew on jk like mold smh he is...fond of him
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me pushing myself further with my art drawing really cool perspectives and whatever with the Duo and then i turn around and make lame cutesy ship art waaahhah 😭😭😭
dont read the tags on this if you havent watched gbc i just ramble spoilers 😭 just uhh screaming yknow. mostly mmnn but i like the other characters i swear its just these guys are making me insane
#UGGGGGGGHhhH the duo ever rn…#theyre jsut. so important to each other#supporting each other in their honest expression#FLIP OFF THE WORLD#and i mentioned once on twitter about how real mmk’s fear was#music is everything to her… so for those songs she wrote of her own expression to not be accepted or seen as successful..#yeah that Hurts#i totally get the feeling of wanting to quit… bc why would you want to be hurt that way…#OUUGGGH music (art in general) being able to leave a mark on people…! it can change people…! dont stop making art…!!!!!#but then there’s the side of me that sees all those moments and be like Hell yeah thats some romantic shit… wooo codependency yuri…#going into romantic ship mode#ouggggh but theres also the slightly messed up fact that mmk saw nn less as nn and more as her own past self#and how mmk was not really guiding nn the person so much as she was trying to fulfill her dream through nn#(ok my wording might get confusing but im RAMBLING OKAY)#GOD NN’S VA AND LINES WERE SOOOOO GOOD#mmk stuck in trying to amend her past…! but nn pulls her back to the present#back to reality and shows her that she can still fulfill that dream that desire…!#you saved me with that song its that important and i love it so i love you who laid bare your feelings#UGH THE TRUCK SCENE THAT THAT THAT UUUUGGGGHHFHH#she loves the real mmk…!#god what was i saying with codependency yuri earlier…?#oh right nn only being able to keep going now bc of mmk#hhhhhhhhh#and well. mmk having her happiness depend on keeping nn going (bc of yeah. seeing her past self in her…)#but the confession makes mmk realize what she was doing#(yet still good stuff for codependency yuri)#ok im shutting the fuck up now 😭
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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ok so I started listening to Where the Stars Fell on, uh, *checks Spotify history* ohfuckthat'smorerecentthanIthought Tuesday.
Friday, current status: nineteenth episode done. the emotional shit has been kicked out of me and the kicker moved on to my heart. everything's fine
#... EVERYTHING IS FINE.#anyway in all seriousness I'm genuinely very grateful for having run across this rn. I'm dealing with a lot of stressful stuff and this is#doing a very good job of taking my mind off it and giving me something new to obsess over for a bit. also it is VERY GOOD.#where the stars fell#synapse talks#ok also I legitimately thought I'd started this on Sunday??? I did. um. I didn't realize how fast I binged this#fucking Tuesday. insane. untrue. I did not go through all that in four days wtf that's Incorrect
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venn diagram of these guys
#oh this is not the point but im realizing i accidentally picked pictures where theyre all facing one wat except dio. FUCK!!!#jjba#professor layton#dmc#mgs#<- im sorry for putting tags on btw its mostly for the filtering purposes#muffin mumbles#anyway im not saying theyre all the exact same because they're absolutely not. Ohhh they are NOT the same#but their similarities and differences are so fun to compare and contrast u know#like. do you get it. descole is like dio and dio is like liquid and liquid is liks vergil and vergil is like descole#but also they havs common threads between all of them i think#Off topic but it does bother me that they all have really light hair except for descole. however i couldnt change any of their hair colors#that would be fucked up and evil. can you imaging brunette vergil. blonde descole. Exactly#anyway sorry for getting pictures i actually like of the first three and then just cropping snavid out of the shit twins image#for the last one LOL#maybe i will make a venn diagram of these guys one day. we will see...#i mesn i Would do it. ive tried. but the hardest part to me is formatting the fucking circles bro#i use a site to generate it and it looks like shit. i do it by hand and it looks like shit. i edit it from a template... u get the idea#but like i need you to listen to me i am speaking directly into your ear. i need you to think about v & desmond sycamore. pls do this for me#ok thats it i think im outta stuff to say rn amen 🙏🙏🙏#edit literally 20 hours later: my stupid ass trying to put a 172x172 image next to the three other 500x500 ones and not realizing#its ok though i just fixed it#ifyou want the old version (?) its in the reblogs twice; i rbed it just now saying id fix it + someone else rbed it#which is why i clicked on it cause i saw it in my notifs#thank u to themrmoki you did me a solid <3
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good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff
ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]
#idk ill see how this goes but ive been like lurking here for a couple days and every time without fail it makes me feel shitty#may not be a permanent thing but i have a couple safeguards in place now to stop me from getting sooooo bad. i think#i deleted all the apps off my phone. which has helped a lot esp deleting insta for reels#and i actually made another blog for like if i ever go Cazy again. for like vents and stuff . altho if im not on social media at all it#shldnt be a prblem#i wont share that but u can ask for it if u want. tho unlikely ill post for a while idk#for the record my neocities has like nothing on it rn. its essentially a series of tests from when i started last yr#and got nowhere lollll.. but im hoping to have a lot of fun with it soon#lol this whole thing is a little stupid. and i feel bad but just know its all my own fault. my own issues etc#its happened b4 itll happen time and time again i think. so im just gonna part ways w it#from now on if im gonna overshare it has to be in a lengthy edited well written blog post !!!!!!!!!!!#oke. bye#i do actually have smth to post later on my rnm blog but whatevaaa#oh ill start up my queues again too
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i havent been to the gym since i moved out & i wanna get active again but fr -_- i feel like everything is too much faff, too expensive or something that will bore me to tearssssss
#egg.txt#i was like ok before i go sign up to a new place i'll do the chloe ting workouts just to get a routine back in#my god . i have never wanted to sob more from just being so understimulated in my life#but theyre all the SAAAAAME. IM GOING TOKILLMYSELFFFFF.#and the stupid music makes me want to put knives in my fucking ears#i'd gym again but i just couldnt keep waking up at 5am i wasnt getting sleep & half the time i wasnt even able to get a good work out in#like it would be 30mins max of actual exercise and then like#+ so much more time just getting there and it was wrecking everything else in my schedule#it sounds so dumb but even shit like having to drop my bagg off & pick it up every day meant i had to get later buses (& more)#and it would mean just losing hours in total at that point. for what. for a 30 min workout. when i wasnt making any progress with anyway bc#i was getting no sleep? 😭#i wanted ot try running outside again but ugh not to be a baby but people have been harassing me in the street so much more again and i jus#cant fucking do it broooo#and im too shy for most classes . the other stuff is crazy expensive . im going to start gnawing on something for real#i was thinking abt bouldering but it looks so crazy fucking expensive#its rlly a shame bc i did rlly start to get into running too. i could get a treadmill but idek where to put it rn and it feels crazy#to get one when i dont even have a couch... ehrm
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Presenting:
My very first AU: Welcome Home Scooby AU
Lmao i already gushed about it on the original post but it's still so funny to me, imagining the neighbors in like classic scooby doo hijinks lol
I just had to draw the gang all together and make it all pretty!
Here's the original post btw! (I forgot to link it) also the full colors are in the notes of that post
#lol i imagine this as just being like a one off bit rather than like a whole au but its still so funny#bc the story i have in my head would probably just be like an episode long#ill get around to drawing it all probably maybe lol#im just real slow at drawing and then transferring into my drawing app and coloring#it took me so long to make this lol#and i found out my drawing app doesn't have a symmetry tool which would've been REAL helpful for drawing Home and his design#its all a little off even the gangs proportions#but i tried#i had to stop working on it bc i kept going in and making little changes for a day or two i had to stop myself lol my app couldn't take it#just did a simple background too#anyway!#i wont fill up the tags completely lol#i would love feedback!#and any questions too! please!#ill have to remember to link the original post where im talkin about the designs and stuff#ok!#welcome home#welcome home au#welcome home scooby au#like man i do not wanna tag all the characters rn#scooby doo au#my posts#my arts#forgot to link the og post until after i got a bit of activity tch#i guess its ok
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Sounds like you've got a right bitch of a co-worker based on those post tags lol
ajfksdljf TT0TT Oh that was like my 3rd version of a post I made. I had to talk myself down and censor myself akljsdflkfa orz
But yes he really is. I cannot stress it enough that everyone hates his guts and he's created such a hostile work environment.
#silly asks#the junpei coworker#silly answers#god i hate him so much#he's not the first jackass i've had to work with but god he is the most recent#i should've called HR last night#i literally told him “do NOT fucking finish that sentence or train of thought”#and then he kept ALLUDING to what he wanted to say and i had to keep telling him to stfu#then he hid in the bathroom for 30 min (which pissed me off mORE because it meant he got a free 30 break and was paid for it)#all while i was left alone to wrangle a circus by myself#he was watching anime fyi...cause I could hear it when I had to go to the back room to get stuff#like we had a store meeting and my boss listed a bunch of stuff that needed to be minded#and like HALF of it was directed at junpei (he didn't look at him but WE ALL KNEW)#my boss even confirmed it when everyone else left#he only confirmed it because as soon as they left I turned to him an was like 'when is that mfer getting fired?????!"#my boss wants to fire him but HIS boss says he can't until they find a replacement#the bar is in hell rn#it's so bad that me and my other coworker made a bingo of shit he likes to pull on shift (HE'S THAT CONSISTENT)#*looks at sched* oh thank god I dont need to see him today or tomorrow-#WAIT NO I HAVE TO WORK WITH HIM THE ENTIRE CLOSE FRIDAY NOOOOO FUCK save tme this is gonan suck#i'm kinda hoping he gets “sick” again I'd rather work alone TT0TT#*inhales* it'll be fine it'lle be fine it'll be fine it'll be fine#zen zen centered i am zen...I'll listen to an audio book or video i'll be ok#i'll just ignore him like i've been doing TT0TT#silly vents#vents#irl bs
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when hyunjin said that he went one day to wod and saw minho dancing with his team from soul dance in 2016 before minho joined jyp and then they met in 2017 (jyp) and when seungmin said minho probably wouldn't have met the skz members if it wasn't bc they're in the same group now and minho said he would've met hyunjin. soulmatism.
#i could go on and on abt hyunho tbh#like the fact that they cant look at the other's eyes????? 😭#or when hyunjin used to tease minho abt his snow's selcas and then he was the one to ask him to post more of them#also when lino was begging hyunjin to made him a bracelet !!!! <3#or when lino looks at hyunjin with heart eyes (THERE'RE A LOT OF THESE) literally melting bc he has an ugly soft spot he cant even deny it#the fact that minho became the biggest clingy person when hyunjin came back from the hiatus like he missed him sm#that day when they went to see the first snow together????!!!#just minho always calling hyunjin his bf and that he wants to kiss him ok lino we get it 😭#btw hyunjin was the one to say he wanted to see the first snow with minho !!#when minho literally used bbl stays to tell hyunjin he wanted to watch spiderman with him 😭😭 DONT U HAVE HIS NUMBER PLS#and apparently they were together bc that same day they watched the first snow so...?#in nye when hyunjin woke up and sent a bbl saying minho was sleeping besides him and later minho sending a bbl saying he got the best sleep#also i have a soft spot for minho just delicately touching hyunjin's hair IM INSANE 👍🥶#btw minho didnt even dare to take his bracelet off even when hyunjin was on a hiatus :D#oh and when they had to quarantine and since they changed rooms they weren't together anymore and they facetimed for hours 😭#hyunjin likes spending time by himself and doing his stuff but minho doesn't want him to be alone so they go to eat tgt#the photobooth pics im so sad rn and i miss them :(#and when hyunjin said he liked go to theaters alone to watch a movie and minho (AGAIN) said ill go with u but sit in a different row#so when it finishes we'll go home together DUDE ?! i lov lino :(#also idk how many times has minho been to hyunjin's room just to watch him draw tbh but one time hyunjin talked him into drawing w him and#it was the cutest thing ever#they both love dancing !!!! and reading !!!!! my best friends#btw it was Serious for minho when hyunjin came back in 2021 everyone was like what's going on with them 😭😭 me too#anw yeah minho just being bold and flirting with hyunjin and hyunjin just giggling like 😭 GET UPPPP#also they always mention the other while they're live they think they're Me 🫤#they love each other sm and they're really special to me :(#no one gets hyunho like i do Truly 😔☝️#hyunho#skz
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i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting.
#like... no one is born grinning maliciously with a knife out the womb. no one starts out that way#and anything thats ever tried to portray a character that way at birth has only ever been ironically funny#idk its annoying when people are like ''actually its more interesting that the character doesnt have a motive for killing people''#like. coming off of bullet train rn but even ''this character otherwise has a perfect life but they accidentally killed and now theyre#fascinated with all the ways people can die'' is more interesting than ''idk thats just how they are *shrugs*''#like yes someone can have the perfect upbringing and social life and still turn out to be sadistic but you can still work with that#as opposed to ''they were born evil thats just how they were always gonna be SORRY''#like. idk go into that ''perfect social life and family''. what did that family value? what were the friends like?#what did that person experience outside of those things? what did they consume?#did their social standing actually breed some sort of entitlement to them? do they perhaps freak out if something doesnt go their way?#are they insecure deep down? does that drive them to it? are they a perfectionist? do they assume peoples feelings?#i remember reading this wc fancomic that explained why a character was evil and like her mom died#and the attention from her mothers death made her obsessed with being fawned over so she started medical abuse#and letting her patients die so that people would fawn over her the same way every time#and the op was like ''HEY before you yell at me shes NOT evil bc her mom died ok she was gonna turn out evil no matter what''#like... no no go into the emotional vulnerability implied there. go into the morbid introduction to slow death at a young age#go into the potential desensitization go into that. youre already willing to make her multifauceted and with positive traits#why are you afraid of implying shes even SOMEWHAT sympathetic and just want to say she was gonna do that regardless#and i fault the atmosphere around this stuff most of all like we should never have implied that giving a villain a reason to be evil#was stupid woobifying bullshit that was out of touch with reality#echoed voice
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One funny thing to me is that sometimes my bestie will send me reels like this one
And I have to be like. Bestie I appreciate that you’re on my “side” ig but 1 I’m just having fun and 2 in no way did he treat me like his bf and our FIRST text conversation he was like “hey I don’t want you to get the wrong idea bc I don’t want a relationship”
#like. if anyone was “in the wrong or immature here it was for sure me#but I KNEW that going in that’s why I’m not upset or anything#I’m literally chilling and my friends are so mad for no reason#how do you say I’m literally not mad in a believable way. bc I’ve tried and they have NOT believed me#and then I’ll mention us hanging out off handedly and they’ll be like details now I’m like ok here’s the highlights they’re like wtf.#I’m like. I didn’t give you details for a reasonnnnnnnnnnnn#it’s not happening. it’s okay. it’s fine to be weird flirty friends. that’s fine.#also. I kinda. don’t agree with the original post anyway? like. the line between platonic and romantic is so vague like. doing stuff and#then realizing you might have been giving the wrong impression so you communicate what you want is not immature. it’s actually the opposite#so idk#my bestie has been in a relationship for a year and is like. anyone who’s not willing to commit rn is immature like. girl. I don’t even know#if I want to commit. so it’s literally so beyond okay.#the fact that we haven’t fucked yet is honestly? maturity I think. or maybe he just had the entire world convince he wants me and doesn’t#but I think what’s going on is he does like me but doesn’t want a relationship for mental heath reasons (he has kind of implied this im not#pulling this out of my ass) in which case. i do appreciate that he hasn’t tried to sleep with me (bc i would say yes and that would probably#me worse/harder to get over/ignore)#these tags are an essay Jesus. I’ve been drinking all day on the beach lmaooooooo#also it’s my birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#🦈
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It's a bit funny that to parts of my circles I'm 'the fandom one'/'the fanfic one'/'the shipping one' as the person they know most prominently into such things
because as much as i love writing my fics and shipping my ships my interest in both of those things is, I think, very narrow and specific compared to most people who are into them? due to my habits being like. very particular
#i think some ppl think of me as ahh my buddy who is always reading fanfic and i'm like. look. i would LIKE to be that. but i'm not#it's comically difficult to get me to sit down and read a new fanfic. for no discernable reason#the fandoms i like to read for don't even have big fic scenes but i've still checked out such a narrow portion of them#(and these fandoms are like. just a few. leaving aside MiA's dead tag. LOGH + T&B + Vorkosigan + ...anything else here would be a lie)#(Queen's Thief + Temeraire + TMA are on the backburner rn for reading fic but they were faves before yet i read SO little of what existed)#(everything else i just check out very occasionally or when directly recc'd)#i think mmmaaaybe 'my buddy who reads tons of fic' would be the case if there were new fics about the sages coming out every day#they're sort of a unique hyperfixation for me lol#but there are NOT. instead there are ((checks))#four (4) english language belavue fics on AO3 that are not by me#AND two of them i would say do not actually have any ship content and were likely just tagged that to be safe#as far as non ship content there are ((checks again)) 21 English language fics tagged with Belaf and I wrote 13 of them ........#(and 17 for Vueko and i wrote 10. two of the others barely mention her and shouldn’t be tagged lol) …guys i'm starving............#ok you read to the bottom of the tags you get to hear a selfish wish#i kind of hope that someday...someone will...write some fic about the sages either because of me or for me#gen or ship it doesnt matter#but this kind of thing usually happens in AO3 exchanges though and there aren't ones in this fandom because the fic scene is so miniscule#i'm literally running one right now off AO3 but have a feeling it will end up being mostly art and also didn't put myself in as a requester#since the people participating have largely made stuff for me as gifts before and i have a glut of lovely work from them#and again that exchange will mostly end up being art i feel and not fic. but some other time... i still wish ... more fic... pleae..plaeabs#there are very specific reasons i don't want to host an MiA fic exchange through AO3. i can guess the kind of stuff some people will reques#(the kind of stuff that's already in the tag.) and it's not stuff i feel like moderating an exchange involving >_> so i won't#but god.. ... ..... someday......i hope....there can be an exchange where i ask for somethinga bout these people.............
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#tbd#☉#lemme start by prefacing this with I KNOW there's no real normal way to be human#ok i get that#but fucking HELL I wish i was normal#i wish my health was normal for my age#i wish i wasn't fucking. neurodivergent#im fine with being queer but ffs why am i in between normal queer and accepted Aroace-ness#why am i abnormal in that regard too#i wish I didn't alienate people i wish i didn't have to explain why im extra quiet and moody and minutes from a meltdown#i wish my hands and feet wouldn't swell up and hurt and burn and I wish i could take a fucking shower without feeling dread#because i had the water temp set to hot and now im dizzy and my heart is racing and im overheating -- alternatively I wish#i didn't feel so self conscious because i DONT shower every day or even every other day like i dont like when my hair goes limp either!#and i use deodorant everyday and wipe off when i can but i have fuckin Let's Sweat Buckets For No Reason Disorder so i always look and feel#like a drowned rat. im tired of being tired but not being able to sleep. im tired of not being able to explain that yes its really not you#its me. me wanting to be alone has nothing to do with you ok its my brain deciding to fuckin shut down because everything is too much rn#& idk how to tell you that im at my wits end but if you treat me with kidd gloves i WILL go off like a fuckin bomb. just treat me NORMAL ffs#just treat me normal 😭 i just want to be normal. i want to be able to sit down and just do my application stuff instead of#staring at a blank document for weeks and then wanting to throw things as the deadline approaches (#its due friday and i have absolutely nothing written lmao) and idk if its executive dysfunction or anxiety or my tendancey to self sabotage#but either way im so fuckin fucked. im NOT in the headspace rn for writing a graduate school application letter.#trying hard not to cry rn bcs my friend and her parents are sleeping already bcs they have a 9-5 sleeping schedule to fit their 9-5 jobs#like i dont even have a normal sleeping schedule lmao mine's 2-10. i just don't understand why im so broken or whatever. not normal.#& i feel bad for bitching about it all bcs objectively i have a pretty decent life. i have a home i have food i have a family that loves me#im just back to feeling like im too much and also not enough and im so fuckin lonely. im tired of feeling lonely. and i think#ive got a platonic crush or two. or something. and idk how to handle that anymore. if i ever did.#idk idk i feel like im back to looking at the world and passersby through frosted glass again.
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