#okay actually there's a lot of errors in here but I don't feel like fixing it so </3

[astolfofo]

Notes: Slight lapse in judgement moment. (Please comment or reblog with something because I actually dedicated time for this one. I am humbly begging.)

Tw: non-con, gunplay, slight blood play, abusive behaviour, mentions of murder, yandere.

Tagging @yandere-romanticaa on this one, thank you for being the enabler to this (jokingly)

Also on a side note, if you want to listen to something when listening to this, it was inspired by sex with a ghost by teddy hyde, and bo en- pale machine (entire album)

Word count: 4.4K

Dazai had never quite sunken this low before.

He lays down onto the bed, with the gun clattering to the ground. He disregards it as he throws it to the floor, watching it slide across the room. It was useless now, anyways. There were no bullets inside, and it was quite the outdated model, that would be useless against anyone with even the slightest of strength.

All that’s left now is an overwhelming shame. An overwhelming shame that he touched himself, using that weapon for several previous hours, as a means to relieve himself. He feels so disgusted in himself again, as he looks at the rifle, which was now covered in a mixture of his own sweat and cum. It was so disgusting to look at, almost as evidence as to how much he had become a slave to his own desires. Almost as if he was succumbing to some kind of poision that plagued his mind on the daily.

And it didn’t even feel good, he thought to himself. I merely relieved myself enough to clear my mind, if even that.

Dazai looks around the room again. There’s nothing to see, and nothing to feel other than a sick sense of shame. A sense of shame that he decided to touch himself with a gun, while thinking of you. He wasn’t really thinking when he did that, he kind of just did it on impulse, without previous judgement. Yet as Dazai’s eyes dart back to the gun, and his mind drifts to other places. He pictures you cum, and sweat, with a mixture of yours and his cum dripping out of your hole. Your neck is covered with hickeys and bite marks and bruises running down your body. You’re panting, and slightly whimpering from pain, yet you also know he’s the only one who is able to fuck you this good.

He looks down at his cock, which is yet again, hard. He ignores it this time, not wanting to deal with his own arousal, instead choosing to lament over the fact that you were long gone from his life.

But still, he longs for your presence. A person long gone from his life. He longs for you to come back, but you never will.

Dazai shakes his head out of those thoughts, hoping to temporarily think about something else, anything at all that will make prison even slightly more bearable. He looks at the ceiling observing the fluorescent lights, and the solid white ceiling, which reminds him of the situation he’s currently in. Once again, he’s painfully reminded of why he was here. A detainment for ability users, built so they could stay here until they would eventually rot and die. There wasn’t any more to it than that.

He turns on the side again. He doesn’t want to think about that right now, either.

As he lays there, he’s painfully reminded how it’s been two years since you had broken up with him. Not that he was able to keep track of time in prision, but if he were to logically deduce the amount of times he had waken up and fallen asleep, it was about two years since you had broken up with him.

Yet the ghost of your presence haunts him constantly. Even after two years, Dazai had still not gotten over the breakup. No matter how badly he wanted to, he would always come back thinking of you. That you were still there, with him, and not somewhere else. That you still lived with him, that you never ran away from Yokohama, and that he never kidnapped and held you captive. He wanted to imagine that you’d be sitting at home, waiting, wondering where he was, instead of hopping on the nearest train, running away from him.

That you were the same person as who he met you first as, that somewhere at the back of your mind, you still thought of him, at least just a little.

However, he knew all of that was false. You were probably living a normal life again, back in your hometown, maybe with someone else you thought was better for you. Maybe by now, you had recovered from all the injuries he had gaven you over the years, maybe had gone back to the initial person you were, an individual he found so intriguing and rare, that he unwillingly fell for.

He was happy for you, if you were. As happy as he could be, if not exceptionally bitter.

He closes his eyes and imagines you again, how you would look right now, smiling and with some… other guy. It’s not a pleasant feeling imagining you with someone else. Jealousy, envy, and a eerie sort of anger arise in him. No… it’s not anger, he’s not sure what it was. It was closer to an urge to take you away from him, for whatever unknown reason.

Still, you had long ago let go of him, but he’d never let go of you. You had never loved him, but he’d needed you more than man needs air to live. He pictures the scene again, and that possessive feeling comes back again. It felt almost as if the air was being knocked out of his lungs the longer he looked at you and the man together.

You plagued his mind constantly, to the point where Dazai was willing to relieve the pain by almost killing himself with the rifle earlier. Still however, Dazai recognized he needed you as man needs air to live.

Yet he felt rooted in the ground, as his mind went blank again. He felt as if he was fighting a primal urge. He felt as if he was struggling in a room devoid of air, as the helplessness begins to settle down. But he won’t give up, he’ll fight until the very last second to stay alive. All he needs is for that man to be gone. Witnessing so… happy with another man made it feel like every breath he took was poision, and every step he took feel like stabbing his foot. He doesn’t want to see this again.

His vision goes blurry, and then black.

-

Dazai’s now walking down a dark alleyway. He’s not sure where it is, or how he got there, but he feels as if he’s stuck here now. There’s no sense of urgency, rather, a small, creeping sense of paranoia of why or how he’s here. The alleyway feels endless as if he was trying to escape a large maze. He can’t see to the other end of the alleyway, instead, constantly running into dead ends.

He wonders where he is. Was this another dream of some type? He can’t say for sure, it feels too surreal to be reality. But whatever it was, he felt like he was supposed to find something. There was something else in the maze… that was more important than a way out.

You.

At that exact moment, he hears footsteps. He turns around to see you walking in a different direction, at the entrance of the dead end he currently stands in. You’re calm, you look the same as you always did. And he’ll chase after you this time.

Dazai walks as quietly as he could, following you, to wherever you plan on going. You make several turns; one right and three lefts, before you stop at a door. A door that would likely lead you elsewhere, away from him. To somewhere you wanted to go, or needed to go. But that wasn’t the concern. If he let you go through the door, you’d be gone again. Gone forever.

And he’d lose you again. He can’t lose you again.

“Leaving so soon (Y/N)?”

You look at him. You finally turn around and look at him. He can’t tell the exact emotion of your facial expression, but he takes it with relish either way. Your eyes are wide, contorted with fear, yet anger, with some kind of underlying urgency. A urgency to run. Escape the situation.

But Dazai’s faster than you are. As you try to push open the door, Dazai manages to grab onto your arm and push you back first. You gasp for a quick second, and then regain your composure again, glaring daggers into his eyes.

“Let… Let me go you fucking bastard.”

Dazai smirks, “No.”

As on instinct, your breathing becomes shallow and rapid, as your face fills with dread and anxiety. You’re fighting against his grip, trying to break free from the position Dazai has you in, with your arms pinned against the wall, and his knee in between your thighs, keeping you in place. Dazai, on instinct, grips you by the arms tighter, until you feel like there’s no blood going into your hands.

“You were going to leave, weren’t you?” He mutters. “You were going to leave me alone here, and escape. You know I was going to find you either way, right?”

You open your mouth to protest at him, to tell him to fuck off, but nothing comes out of your mouth. Your jaw feels glued shut, it feels paralyzed.

“You can never truly escape from me, no matter how hard you try to forget the days I held you captive. No matter what, you’ll meet me again in some way, some shape, or some form,” he continues. “You should just accept that.”

Your heart is racing. You want to speak, you want to scream, but your brain doesn’t seem to be able to command your body to do these things. You’re struggling. Your hands are still shaking, trying to break free of his grip. You’re doing everything you can just to not give out on the spot, because you know, that Dazai will take you away if you do that. But you can’t win against him either. Not like this.

Your jaw trembles, as you attempt to call for help, scream, see if anyone is there. But Dazai is faster than you. He covers your mouth and you make out a muffled sound instead. “Shh.. don’t scream. There’s no one here to help you anyways.”

His voice sounds so gentle, so soft, it sounds loving, and genuine, if only you didn’t know what he had done to you at all. Dazai was always good at this, you could never say no to him, he always knew how to make your irrational heart win against your logical brain. Even though you could deny it to yourself all you wanted… if Dazai wasn’t so… cruel to you, you would have fallen for him several times over. But he wasn’t.

He was a monster. A monster with a luring personality, and a luring face, waiting for you to fall. Waiting for you to fall so he can posses you wholly. And you would have never known otherwise, until truly understood who and what he was.

“Just let me have my way with you, just this once, yeah?”

He doesn’t wait for your answer. It wasn’t like he was going to listen whether you said yes or no, anyways. No matter what your answer was, he was going to continue with his actions.

And so, he kissed you. As always, they start off so gentle, so tender, that you could believe it was true. That he wasn’t going to be rough with you later on. His sweet demeanor could only last so long before he lost control of himself.

So you were right. Within moments of your lips touching, his kissing instantly became more desprate, as if his life depended on it. Soon, you begin trying to pull back to breathe, but Dazai won’t let you. He’s waited two years, he’s not going to wait any longer.

So you try to breathe through your nose with as much oxygen as you can get. Dazai doesn’t stop, he’s trying to engrain the taste of your mouth inside his brain, he’s trying to make this last forever. It’s what he truly wants.

And so the gentleness that masks him as human is gone now. He’s doesn’t care if you’re struggling to breathe, or if this is all wrong, that he should let you have your own free will. He’s acting as a man who has not seen oxygen in years. A man that has been rejuvenated back into life by your presence.

And so his actions, initially kissing, have now turned into an action so rough, that it was making your mouth bleed slightly. And he doesn’t stop. The blood gets smeared over both your mouths, the taste of the iron stinging your tongue, and the back of your throat. It gets into his mouth too, and smears over both your lips, almost like a lipstick.

And only when it’s like that, does he stop. But you know this is far from done. You know what happens next and you don’t want it to happen. You inhale through your mouth, trying the best to ignore that your mouth is bleeding. You chest heaves up and down, while Dazai watches, wiping the blood off your blood off his mouth, and tasting it.

It’s addictive. It tastes so sweet to him.

Dazai then grips your chin with his index finger and thumb, while running his thumb over your lips. It’s supposed to be an intimate gesture, maybe a slightly romantic one, but you flinched either way.

You had always reacted this way to Dazai’s touch. No matter how many times he touched you, it always felt foreign to you. None of his actions felt they were done purely as of itself. They always led onto to something, often meant to confuse you. You hated it. You couldn’t what he wanted to do when he did certain actions and you always got the feeling he was playing with you for the fun of it, and that was most likely the case, most of the time.

Dazai smears the blood on your face and admires you.

Your face is visibily red, from the aggressive makeout session,, and your hair is discheveled, covering fractions of your face. Dazai brushes those strands away, as he looks at you. In return, you glare at him, feeling slightly grossed out, but in no position to protest. He then lets go of your arms, letting you fall slack against the wall for a second, and the realization hits again. Your heartbeat quickens at that, and you feel the urge to run, again.

Before you can make a move, you’re held in place again, by Dazai’s knee, which held you securely to the wall. You watch in terror as he takes off his coat and tosses it aside, discarded on the floor. No words are exchanged between the two of you, as you stare at him. Dazai moves his hands towards your chest, and starts unbuttoning your shirt as well.

“D-dazai… please stop…” you mutter.

Dazai puts a finger over your lips. “Just relax, and try to enjoy it, okay? I’ll make sure you feel good, and that you’ll never forget this time.”

“N-no that’s not what I mean. I don’t… I don’t want to do this…please…”

“It’s okay, darling. You know you want this, either way.”

The very air around you and Dazai seemed to be suffocating in a way you couldn’t quite say. It was tense, almost like an elastic band pulled to the very limit of what it could do, awaiting to snap at any moment.

And you were angry. Angry at Dazai that he wanted to do this. Angry at yourself for being caught by him. You felt an indescribable rage inside of you for what he had done to you over the years. Yet everytime, he still says he loves you.

Dazai would never let you go.

No matter where you went, he’d always find a way to get you back. You’re the only thing that he has left. The only thing that he truly wants to live for.

But you didn’t want to accept that for yourself. In fact, you couldn’t care less why the stupid bastard was so obsessed with you, to the point where you got sucked into this dream. You use the free hand, and slap Dazai in the face. It catches him off-guard enough for you to run back towards the door and open it. It creaks open, only for his hand to cover your mouth again, pushing you back against the wall, and keeping you in place.

“You’re not leaving.” Dazai snarls into your ear. “Try all you want, but I’m not letting you go.”

You claw at his hand, trying to pry it off.

“Maybe I should fuck you stupid enough, so you never think of doing that again, hm?”

You gaze at him in horror this time, while his hands travel back to your shirt and unbutton it completely this time, letting it fall to the floor. You wince slightly, due to how cold it is in the alleyway. Dazai then moves to your pants and begins unzipping them, and pulling them down to your ankles.

You once again, slightly recoil in disgust of his actions, but in no position to protest or escape. Now, you’re almost naked, left to the mercy of Dazai to do what he likes with you.

Tears sting your eyes. The, what felt like, slow torture of this entire situation felt painful.

Finally, Dazai takes off his pants. He’s painfully hard, and you cringe in disgust about how your fighting, struggling, and even crying aroused him so much.

Dazai moves his hands behind your back, unhooking your bra, and then he moves to your underwear. The last barrier separating you and him. He takes it off, noticing how wet it really is, and then tossing it aside too.

“My, my, (Y/N). You were that wet from just kissing? I thought you didn’t want this at all.”

“I-I don’t.”

“But your body does. You may deny it all you want, but your body yearns for me. You’ve been leaning into my touch ever since we met. Sure, you’re disgusted in what I’m doing, but do you want to know what your body thinks?”

A pure look of anger which slowly changes into fear fills your face. Dazai leans into the crook of your neck.

“It’s nice to be held be Dazai, isn’t it? You can’t change biological desire. And I think… you know I understand that better than anyone.”

And so, Dazai turns you onto your back, and pushes his entire cock inside of you. You hiss from the sudden intrusion that felt all to familiar and foreign at the same time.

And it reminds you of how painfully well he knows you, yet how little you know him.

And you feel his hands grab onto your hips, and he begins bouncing you up and down on his length, never failing to hit that place inside of you that sent sparks of pleasure up your body.

And he wasn’t being gentle this time, too. If he had been going any faster than he already was, you were sure it would have hurt more than brought pleasure to you.

And he repeats these actions, over, and over. It’s always been that way. Yet your mind felt like it was still melting from the actions. You can’t help it. You can’t help yourself. It feels so good, and you know only Dazai can do this to you.

You almost have to bite back on moaning as he constantly hits that spot. You refused to give him that satisfaction.

Dazai seems to notice this as well. “Don’t hold back. You know I’ll get what I want in the end, anyways.”

Your breath hitches. You knew that. But you didn’t want to give Dazai the satisfaction of having all power over you. But that was all slowly becoming impossible as you came to the realization that physically, you had always wanted Dazai carnally, your mind just believed otherwise.

And as Dazai pushes you down particularly hard that time on his cock, you can’t help but loudly squeal at how good it really felt. It felt mind-numbing lay good. You enjoyed the pain, all too well.

Dazai smirks against your neck again, knowing that he had gotten you in a state where he has all the power. He leans into your neck. He bites down on the flesh, hard enough to draw blood. He licks at the blood enjoying the taste.

And at this exact moment, your hole clench around him too, signalling that you were close to your high.

Dazai groans slightly, taking in the pleasure of the feeling. But he was never kind enough to let you reach your high on the first round.

And he wasn’t going to be kind this time, either.

He bounces you on his cock at a more rapid pace, as your moans get higher and higher, until your cunt is clenching around him tight enough that he almost felt like you could snap his cock off.

And to think you didn’t like it? It made him scoff.

Dazai feels himself chasing his high too. It had been so long… since he had last done this. He felt fulfilled. He felt like he, himself, were on cloud nine, all his previous emotions relieved, instead a dark sort of pleasure replacing any previous emotions.

You’re no different yourself. Despite your anger and hatred towards him, even from one look at your eyes, he could tell you were craves this in a carnal way as well. And for miles around, only the slapping of skin, combined with wet noises, and moaning could be heard. There was no need for anymore than that.

But then it all stops. You look at him in confusion, whining slightly, as he pulls out. Dazai never let you come the first time. He would reduce you to a whining, brainless, mess before allowing you to cum. Only to let you cum so many times, that you wouldn’t even be able to walk the next day.

Yet as for himself, he would cum countless times, until your holes were filled with him, and until your body was covered in it. His cum.

You wince at the gross sticky sensation between your legs again. You feel Dazai’s cum running down your thigh, and it feels disgusting. Normally, you’d yell at him for him to pull out, but right now, your mind was too hazed with other things to care.

“You think you get to cum on the first round after acting like that?”

You don’t respond, trying to get rid of the feeling of being so empty.

“You’re really that desperate, aren’t you?”

You still don’t respond, breathing heavily. Your mind is numbed again, still trying to recover from the myriad of sensations hitting you. Your mind is still hazy with lustful desire.

Dazai sighs, “I suppose I’ll just have to make you cum over, and over, and over, until you can’t anymore.

Your eyes slowly widen again, as you stare at him. “No…. No… please anything but tha-“

“Shh… shh… it’s okay belladonna. You’ll feel so good at the end of it. Promise.”

“No please… Dazai, I didn’t mean it like that. Please, please… it’ll hurt….”

Dazai caresses your face. It’s a gentle, tender action that you want to lean into. But you know it feels more like a nurse preparing you for a needle. A very painful needle that would scar you your arm, that would make you look in shame for the rest of your life.

He kisses you, again, and you have no choice to accept what he gives you.

-

Dazai looks at you. You’ve came more times than he could actually count, to the point where you weren’t even conscious anymore. You’re covered in cum, sweat, and scratch and bruise marks. A mixture of yours and his cum drips out of your hole, and he takes the sight in with a sick sort of satisfaction.

He’ll a,ways love you. In his own sick, twisted way. Every step he takes, every breath he takes. He’ll do it all for you. You don’t belong to anyone else. You’re his, only his.

No matter how far you go, you’ll always be pulled back to him.

He picks you up, and kisses you on the forehead. You look so peaceful.. sleeping. He drapes his jacket over you, and puts his clothes back on.

“Let’s go home now, shall we Belladonna?”

He walks out of the alleyway, his footsteps echoing throughout the walls.

—-

One light flickers.

Static fills Dazai’s ears. He opens his eyes. He sits up disoriented, looking around at his surroundings.

That’s right.

He’s still in prison, he’s still detained in this room, and he forever will be. Until he tries to escape. Until there’s a way out of this, he‘ll just have to stay here, and hope for the best. At this moment, he remembers why he was here in the first place.

He turns on his on his back again. The desolate ceiling mocks him.

But his mind doesn’t want to think about that now. That dream he just had…. It felt so surreal yet real at the same time. He wonders if you were actually there, or if it was just a figment of his imagination.

There’s an obvious answer to that question, though. It’s not even worth asking.

You’re gone. Forever. He doesn’t even know where you are. You don’t know where he is either.

He thought of that dream just to relive his own desires. There’s nothing more to it. Everything is still the same. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel some delusional hope that something was different today.

But he should crush that hope before disappointment gets to him again.

Just then, there is a knock in the door. He wonders who it is. As he walks towards the door, he wonders why the prison guards are bothering him. Yet again. It wasn’t like he had done anything over the previous days.

He twists the doorknob, thinking about what he’s going to say this time. Maybe he’ll even punch them in the face.

However, as he pulls the door back, it’s not what he expected at all.

No… maybe being hopeful worked, for once. Maybe the dream was to tell him something.

It’s you.

You’re here.

And if looks could kill, he would just be about dead now.

[snwusberry]

cry for love

pairing: yeonjun x reader x wooyoung

genre: angst, fluff (if you squint real hard)

warning(s): language, food/eating, alcohol consumption, intoxication, a lot of crying, toxicity (yeonjun is a lil toxic ngl), trust issues, cheating mentioned but no one actually did, a lot of tears. love square my dudes. pov changes (sorry). there are many errors. i will try and fix them as soon as possible.

wc: 7k

notes: this is by far my longest fanfic (i had to bust out my laptop for this one) and i'm not gonna lie, for someone with a short attention span, this was quite difficult to write but i wanted to step out of my comfort zone so here it is. i hope you all enjoy this one

playlist:

cry for love - baekhyun

movies - conan gray

the cut that always bleeds - conan gray

like i need you - keshi

i don't - sabrina claudio

bleeding love - leona lewis

reader pov

"this is the third time in a row now yeonjun. how many times is she gonna rock up at your apartment drunk?" i ask him, looking at the sleeping girl on the sofa. she’s a little too at peace for someone whos ruining my night right now.

"she comes here because she's most familiar with me. who else is supposed to help her?" yeonjun defends and i roll my eyes, not having any of it. this not the first time this is happening.

"her other friends. it's funny how she's got other friends, isn't it?" i sarcastically remark but he just returns a stern look.

"quiet down, you're gonna wake her up." i raise my eyebrows at the sheer audacity.

"have her sleep somewhere else then. i don’t know, call someone to pick her up and look after her. you're not doing none of that tonight." i tell him.

it's tiring how much this happens. she always does this. she comes up with something whenever she knows yeonjun and i will be together that day, like right now. she appeared drunk on yeonjun's doorstep on the day we decided to spend time together.

"please be serious right now."

"i am being serious. she's not spending the night here." i fight back, trying to stand my ground but i'm afraid i'm fighting a losing battle.

"this is my apartment y/n, not yours. i think that i should be the one to make that decision, no? stop bitching about it." he responds coldly with an unreadable expression on his face. there's a look in his eyes i've never seen before.

"okay then i'll leave."

his eyes soften upon hearing my tone of voice indicating that i am, in fact, upset.

"i didn't mean that." he tries to hold my hand to stop me from leaving but i pull away, getting my things to leave.

"then what the fuck did you mean?" i ask him turning to face him but he just stares, not saying anything. “you said what you said. call me when you drop this act of yours."

once the cool air outside the giant apartment building hits me, i let out a sigh, frustrated by all this. he really said that to me with a straight face and thinks he can just take it back all willy nilly? unbelievable.

i send a text to the person who's been helping me through this somewhat confusing moment in my relationship.

me:

are you busy?

i get a text back fairly quickly, i don't even need to read it to know he's not busy and judging by his patterns, he wouldn't have responded so quickly had he been occupied.

woo:

no

i make my way down the familiar road to one of my best friends' apartments. i've been here many times before but now i feel bad for even thinking about going there because i feel like as of late, i've just been there to complain.

"oh y/n. come in." he ushers me inside his warm apartment.

i make my way in and he walks me to the kitchen where i sit by the small island.

"let me guess, the name starts with m?" he asks, preparing some tea for both of us. i nod but the tears start to fall. i fucking hate when my anger turns to tears because it makes me feel weak. "that's not all, is it?" i shake my head and he walks around the island to pull me into a hug.

---

i sit on the sofa with a cup of tea in my hands. wooyoung sits next to me listening to everything i'm saying while i rant about what happened with yeonjun.

"that's messed up like how many times is she gonna show up drunk at his door?" wooyoung asks, outraged at the audacity of this girl.

"that's literally what i said to him. i told him she couldn't have gone to anyone else and you know what he said? he said 'she's most familiar with me. who else with her?' can you believe this guy?" i rhetorically ask, taking a sip from the cup. "and then i said to him that she's not spending the night and i kid you not, something in him just switched. he was like 'that's not your decision to make' but like, the way he said it... it was so unlike him. it's like i was talking to a whole different man."

"if this continues its gonna be a problem." wooyoung warns me cautiously.

"i know. i don't like where this is going."

---

i wake up, sitting up to look around, realizing i crashed at wooyoung's place. everything from last night coming back to me. i remember how yeonjun acted, that i cried and now i'm here.

"ahhh." i groan throwing myself back on the bed. how long is this going to go on for?

"rise and shine." wooyoung calls out a little too chipper. he enters the room and i glare at him. "what's with that face? come on i made you breakfast."

"you didn't have to."

"you say that all the time and yet here we are. come on grumpy." he says, pulling me out of bed.

"i'm not grumpy." i mumble with a pout.

"say again."

"nothing."

"thought so."

he makes me sit down at the kitchen table where the table is set with my favourite breakfast. i thank him, sitting down.

"don't be shy."

i smile at him, immediately digging in.

"slow down. the food isn’t running away." he warns and i apologize briefly.

my phone starts ringing and i check to see who it is but my smile falters and wooyoung looks at me worried.

"who is it?"

"yeonjun."

his face falls at my answer, as if a happy moment was ruined.

"answer."

i nod, answering his call but i take a moment before saying anything.

"babe?"

"hello."

"baby, please come over, or rather, i'm coming over-" his voice sounds hasty, his breathing choppy, as if he ran a marathon.

i look at wooyoung for a second with hesitance and he's just minding his own business but the look on his face shows he's upset.

"don't bother." i tell him bluntly. i'm still not over last night so let me be petty today.

"why? is everything alright?"

"i'm not home." wooyoung looks up and shakes his head making me sigh. "look, i'll be right there. just make sure your friend is not there once i arrive."

"come on y/n not this again."

"i'm serious yeonjun." i hang up before throwing my phone on the table. letting out a sigh in frustration because i don't want to go to him right now. he could at least let me enjoy my morning.

"go on." is all wooyoung says before standing up and clearing up the dishes to wash them. his mood has clearly drastically different now.

"wooyoung-"

"go talk to him. you can't leave these things unresolved like this. go talk to him and sort this mess out."

"but wooyoung."

"no, not another word. besides you can always come back once you're done." he suggests so i just agree.

"okay."

i walk out, calling an uber to yeonjun's apartment building, deciding not to walk there.

i make my way to the elevator where i see mara walking out. i try to avoid her, not wanting to even talk to her because it will just ruin my mood completely.

"oh? look who it is."

dammit.

i put on my fakest smile, turning to face her. "hi mara."

"going to yeonjun's?" she asks and i fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"no i'm here to see soobin. haven't seen him in a while." i respond sarcastically.

"soobin is in the states."

wow i had no idea.

"great then who else could i possibly be here for?" i ask her in the most real yet fake questioning tone.

"why don't you just give up already? no matter how hard you try, yeonjun will always pick me over you anyway." she smugly remarks and i roll my eyes.

"is that why you he asked you to leave for me to come see him at my request, might i add. i wouldn’t be proud to be a choice sweetie." the elevator door opens once again and i get in, waving at her as the doors close.

something inside me is restless though because deep down i have a feeling that she might be right. he's chosen her over me multiple times so i'm afraid she's right.

once i reach his floor, i walk to his door and knock, hearing shuffling before the door opens.

"you didn't have to knock you know. i'd know it's you." he says blankly and i roll my eyes.

"yeah well then i guess we both acting different."

"babe- wait, those are last nights clothes." he looks at me suspiciously and i raise my eyebrows.

"i'm aware."

"then where were you so early in the morning? you said you didn't go home last night?" he questions.

"why do you care?"

"because you're my girlfriend, of course i care, y/n be serious please." i scoff at his words. at this point, i feel like he thinks i’m a joke because he always says that to me.

"i am being serious. you haven't been treating me like i'm your girlfriend so i don't see what's wrong with my question."

"what are you even saying? and where did you go last night then?"

"oh now you're questioning me? you called me over to talk so tell me what you needed to so i can go."

his eyebrows furrow as he looks at me confused.

"i wanted to spend time with you since our date last night was ruined." he says softly.

"and who ruined it?"

"don't start. just please tell me where you wer-"

"wooyoung's place."

his face drops to an expressionless one and he just looks at me.

"why the long face now all of a sudden? what's wrong?"

"you get mad at me for having mara over but it’s okay for you to spend the night at wooyoung's place? how is that fair? besides, i only went there because of you."

"because of me?" he questions and i nod. "why? tell me."

"because he's the one who was able to give me comfort after the way you spoke to me. you chose to let mara crash our date for the nth time." he remains silent. "what now? much like you were there for mara, wooyoung did the same for me."

"was it to spite me?” he asks me and i scoff.

“not everything is about you jun.”

“i don't want you going near him anymore. if you have a problem you come to me." i scoff, rolling my eyes at what he just said what does he think this is?

he has to be joking. he is joking right?

"and if you are the problem?"

he looks at me confused with his head tilted trying to figure out what i meant.

"what do you even mean?"

"i mean that you, choi yeonjun, are the problem in this scenario." i tell him and try to walk out but he grabs my wrist.

"let go."

"not until we resolve this."

i sigh to myself knowing he's right. we need to actually talk about this or it will just get out of control.

"come sit down." he gently speaks walking with me to the living room.

"y/n please tell me what's wrong." he asks once we've sat down. we're facing each other while he holds both of my hands in his, rubbing the back of them with his thumbs.

"mara and how you are around her."

he let's one of my hands go to run his hand through his hair, an irritated expression making its way on his face.

"you always act different when she's around."

"why are you always bringing her into this?"

"she's getting in the middle of us." i tell him and he rolls his eyes.

"baby she's my best friend, that's all."

"and she likes you."

"don't talk shit."

he thinks i'm talking nonsense? it's clear as day that she has feelings for him and it frustrating that he can't see it but him talking to me like this? absolutely not.

"i'm telling the truth. tell me, how come she always has an emergency whenever we're together?"

"i don't know. look it's not right to blame someone else for this. do you not trust me?"

"of course i do! if i didn't trust you, i wouldn't have left the two of you alone together and i would’ve questioned you the way you just did when i walked in. i just want you to see what's really going on here."

"y/n." he reaches for my hand again to hold it. "whether she likes me or not, that shouldn't matter anyway. i love you and only you and that won't change."

"then why do you always choose to be with her instead?" i ask him and he tenses.

"what?"

"you always choose her. whenever it comes down to it, it's always gonna be her. she even said it herself in the lobby and i told her off but i knew deep down that she’s actually telling the truth."

"y/n."

"like last night, for example. she showed up and you stopped our plans to go help her even though there are many other people she could've ran to, then when i walked out, you did nothing."

"this is ridiculous."

"you are being ridiculous, yeonjun. you don't wanna see what's right in front of you."

"are you jealous of her or something? babe i tell you time and time again that she's just a friend!" he raised his voice at me and i pull my hands away from him.

"oh i'm jealous... that's what it is, right? i'm jealous because my boyfriend is making time for someone else. i’m jealous because my boyfriend let's me leave to spend the night with another girl. is that what you're saying?" i question, standing up, ready to leave.

"stop talking, you're making it seem like something it's not. besides you have no right getting upset since you spend all your time with wooyoung anyway."

"BECAUSE HE AT LEAST HAS TIME FOR ME! it's selfish, yes but he has time for me when you are too busy giving all of yours to someone else!"

"are you that hungry for attention that you're too busy looking for it elsewhere?"

"fuck you yeonjun." with that i walk out and go straight back to wooyoung's apartment.

---

there is a movie playing but it's just background noise at this point because my thoughts are running wild.

i found myself staying at wooyoung's apartment for the past 3 days since my argument with yeonjun.

he let me stay here and he's been nothing but accommodating and i feel like i'm taking advantage of his kindness which is the last thing i want to do.

"wooyoung."

"hmm?"

"thank you." is all i say and he sits up from his seat.

"for what?" he asks, not knowing where all of this is coming from.

"thank you." i repeat, feeling a burning sensation in my eyes.

"y/n." i look down and he moves to the loveseat i'm sitting on. he sees the tears forming on my eyes and immediately hugs me. "what did he say to you?"

i can't answer, the words are stuck in my throat and i couldn't answer him.

"it's okay. it'll be okay."

"i don't think it will." he stops patting my back for a second before continuing.

"don't be like this y/n. he’ll open his eyes eventually."

"i'm afraid it will be too late by then." i say sadly, more to myself than anything but i said it too loud because wooyoung heard.

he pulls away to take a brief look at me.

"what do you mean by that?"

"i'm reaching my limit here."

"don't make any hasty decisions."

"i'm not wooyoung. i love him, i really do, but if loving him is only going to get me feeling like this then it's really not worth it."

"y/n-"

"it's tiring." i tell him letting more tears fall at the thought of possibly ending my relationship with yeonjun.

"whatever you choose to do, i'll be right by your side." he softly tells me with eyes filled with sorrow as he watches me cry. "and if he doesn't appreciate you someone else definitely will. you're a sweet girl who deserves only the best and it kills me to see that that's not what you're getting."

he makes me look in his eyes and mouths something that i couldn't quite catch what he said. he wipes away my tears with this tumbs, all while keeping eye contact with me.

"someone will treat you better y/n." he whispers, letting out a sigh before looking away. "come on, let's do something that'll get your mind off him." he suggests. i don't know what he means by that.

"sure."

"alright, follow me." he takes my hand and takes me to his room, further confusing me.

"wooyoung?"

"shhh." he rummages through his closet and get a long sleeve shirt, handing it to me. "wear this."

"what's this for?" i ask, looking at him.

"just wear it. there's a method behind my madness."

i just shrug and put it on over my tank top and we walk out.

---

"a rage room?"

"why not?" he asks, shrugging his shoulders before we both walk in and book a session.

the lady explains the rules to us and before i know it, i'm breaking everything around me with out a care in the world. i'm imagining mara’s face before hitting something which really helps get the aggression out.

"FUCK! YOU! CHOI! YEONJUN!" i scream while breaking the things around me. "AND FUCK THAT MARA BITCH TOO!"

wooyoung just looks at me with a wide smile which is still visible through the protective gear.

once our session is over he takes us both to go eat some street food and i feel calm after all that.

"you know, i needed that." i breath out in content.

"yeah?"

"yeah. is it concerning to feel better after imagining someone's face over an object before hitting it to oblivion?" he laughs making me smile a bit, not thinking what i said was gonna be funny but go figure.

"it's not hard to imagine someone's face over something you're gonna throw at a wall."

"who's face were you imagining?" i ask him, turning to face him on the bench.

"the one who made you cry." i stop eating briefly at what he said.

"not too much bow, he's still your best friend."

"that doesn't excuse his shitty behavior." he sing-songs before taking a bite from his food.

"still." i try to grap a fry from his box while he’s not looking but he staws my hand away before i can even get far.

"hey."

"you have your own."

"had my own." i frown showing him the empty box.

"ask next time. here." he says giving me some and i smile, thanking him.

"the weather is so nice today."

"not with that fucking vanilla talk."

"last time i try to create conversation." we laugh together, looking at the sun setting.

i feel a lot better now after going to the rage room and taking out all of my frustration.

"ready to go home?" he asks once we're done.

"can we go to your place?"

"and what will your boyfriend think of that?" he asks teasingly.

"he won't like it but i spent the last two nights at yours so what's another night?"

"i don't want him to freak out on us for that. come i'll take you home."

"please wooyoung. i don't wanna be alone tonight."

"then call yeonjun. i think you both need to sit and talk with a clear mind.”

"we tried that already, remember?"

"try again." he urges and i sigh, taking my phone and dialing his number. it rings but he doesn't pick up.

"voicemail, see he’s still mad. let's go."

“y/n” he warns and i sigh, giving in, deciding not to make this an even bigger deal.

once i get home and wooyoung has left i lay in bed, listening to the music playing on the speaker.

yeonjun and i have been together for 3 years now and we've never gone through something like this nor have i ever considered the possibility of breaking up with him so how did we get this far?

i pick up my phone to text him. i just wanna see something.

me:

yeonjun please come over quick!!

please.

something happened!!

i put my phone down to see if he will even respond.

"in my head we never grow apart. in my head you never break my heart. but we know that's not what we're doing. 'cause baby this not like the movies." i sing along softly letting a tear fall hearing no notification go off on my phone. this is exactly why i didn't wanna be alone tonight.

---

wooyoung's pov

i sit with san in his apartment just relaxing, catching up, all that fun stuff. it's been quite a while since we actually got to just hang out and talk but right now i just wish more than anything that he'd shut up or change the topic because he is driving me insane.

"i say be selfish." he finally says with a shrug to finish off his little rant.

"what do you mean by that?" i ask him, narrowing my eyes at his final statement.

"look, yeonjun is being a complete dick right now and who does she run to afterwards?"

"me?"

"bingo." he smiles, taking a sip from his can of beer.

"i'm not picking up what you're putting down."

"she goes to you for comfort and you treat her the way her boyfriend is supposed to. be selfish and let them break up. i mean, why are you even trying to help save a dying relationship?"

"because i respect both of them and their relationship. besides, that's just taking advantage of her vulnerability you ass."

sometimes he doesn't think past the present.

"and its not like she'd ever look at me that way. no matter what the state of her relationship with yeonjun is, she will still love him regardless." i tell him sadly. she's deeply in love with him and it hurts me so much because it's not certain if he shares the same sentiment anymore and i'm just here waiting to give her the love she deserves.

my phone rings and i pick up without checking who's calling.

"hello."

"jung wooyoung."

speak of the devil.

"y/n."

"wooyoung are you home?"

her words are slurred and my worry spikes. she's drunk in broad daylight. it's never a good sign.

"JUNG WOOYOUNG!"

i hear her starting to cry judging by the feint sniffing on the ither side.

"are you also tired of me now too?"

"where are you?"

"don't worry if you're busy right now. i don't wanna bother you." she hiccups, before yawning loudly.

"you're not. please tell me where you are."

"the streets." she laughs hysterically before catching her breath. "i'm outside yeonjun's apartment building."

her voice wavers when she says that and my heart sinks. what did that asshole do to her this time?

"i'm coming there okay. don't go anywhere."

i hang up, ready to get my keys.

"where are you running off to?" san questions with a raised eyebrow.

"to pick y/n up. she's not doing too good."

"let me come with."

"okay let's go."

once we get to the complex i see y/n sitting on the ground looking out of it.

"holy shit." i hear san whisper as we run to her and get her off the floor.

"wooyoung?" she smiles widely it doesn’t reach her eyes. she looks a mess with swollen eyes and tears still running down her cheeks. i feel terrible.

"if she can show up drunk at his door then why can't i? why am i not allowed to go to him all vulnerable like she does? i'm his girlfriend, not her!" she starts shouting out of nowhere which draws attention from a couple of people around us.

this isn't fair anymore. if he's gonna keep pushing her around like this he might as well just end this relationship instead of continuously making her feel like absolute shit.

"why doesn't he love me anymore wooyoung? why? why don't you love me anymore yeonjun?! what did i do?" she starts yelling, properly sobbing now, hitting my chest while she speaks.

"get lost." san says, probably talking to someone who is probably staring. i need to get her away from these people looking at her weirdly.

i take her to the car, getting in the back with her so she can sit comfortably.

"what did he do?" i ask her once she’s seated comfortably.

"he kicked me out because that bitch was there. she probably called him crying or some shit but i'm crying too." she points to herself, choking on her tears. "YEONJUN SEE I'M CRYING TOO!" she shouts to no one. i close my eyes, letting tears of my own fall. i haven’t seen her like this before. 'aww, look, you woke up poor mara who’s sad and going through things, and she’s sad and not doing too well.' it's always about poor sad mara! you know, he called me an attention seeker the other day? an attention seeker for wanting the bare minimum from my boyfriend. he's with that girl so much, he might as well be her boyfriend and not mine right?" she humorlessly laughs. "and then he had the audacity to tell me i can't be around you anymore. who does he think he is?”

did he seriously tell her she can’t be around me anymore? but then he continues to act the way he does. if y/n can't confide in me or him then who else is she supposed to run to?

“he's not mine anymore wooyoung. i think i've lost him."

i shake my head as she cries in my shoulder.

where did it all go wrong? i mean, he's never been like this before so what now? why is he acting differently now?

"enough is enough. san, please take her home and take care of her. make sure she drinks water and sobers up. i'll be there soon." i tell san who's in the passenger seat and he nods.

"san is here? hi san." she smiles widely, waving in no particular direction.

i give him the keys and wait for him to drive off before heading to yeonjun's apartment, knocking on the door and i wait for him to open. he's got a look of surprise written in his face.

"wooyoung? what are you doing here?" he asks and i shrug. "come in."

i walk in seeing another pair of shoes already there. he offers me a drink which i decline.

"is mara here?" i ask and he nods. "yeah, she's asleep in the room."

"i see."

what's gotten into him? he used to be the most attentive person when it came to y/n so what changed?

"what on earth do you think you're doing?" i ask him.

"sorry?" he asks me, completely dumbfounded by my sudden question.

"do you think what you're doing is right?"

"what's this all about?" he questions, clearly not expecting me to start asking him questions.

"mara is here sleeping am i right?" he nods. "and where is y/n, if you don't mind me asking."

"i sent her home. she came here, caused a scene and started drunkenly shouting so i sent her home because she could've woke mara up." i wanna strangle him so bad right now but i just scoff, deciding to choose peace.

"doesn't it concern you that she's coming to you drunk at 3 in the afternoon?" i ask him but it seems like i'm talking to a brick wall.

"what?"

"you're so dense."

"look, if you came here to do the same then you can go see yourself out."

"do you understand the shit you're putting y/n through?"

"don't involve yourself, this is between y/n and i." he warns but i'm not backing down. he either does something to fix this or he breaks up with her and he's deciding that today. i don't care anymore.

"no, its between you, y/n and mara so i will involve myself too. y/n has been crying non stop for days now because of you and your inability to see what mara is actually doing here."

"she didn't do anything. y/n clearly doesn't trust me to be around her so she's obviously gonna wanna cause a scene."

i raise my eyebrows at his bold choice of words. so he defends her by belittling his own girlfriend... it's bewildering to me.

"you're unbelievable. through all of this, when has she ever accused you of cheating with mara?" he remains silent. what else can he say? there's no way to defend the way he's acting right now and i will call him out for it. "she does trust you asshole, all she wants from you is for you to not blow her off because mara needs you. she needs you too yeonjun."

i'm saying all of this but a small part of me hopes he stays stubborn like this and they break up. san is right, it is selfish but i wanna be there for y/n the way yeonjun is failing to. she deserves so much more than this and that's what i wanna give her but then again.

but there's a small part of me that know i still don't have a chance anyway. she doesn't see me that way and that's the only reason i'm here trying to help save tis relationship. even if it hurts me in the end.

"i'm with her all the time." he defends and i scoff. there's no way he's actually being serious right now.

"that's bullshit and we both know it. when was the last time you two actually spent quality time together?"

"two weeks ago and then she walked out."

"without interruptions." i clarify and yeonjun's face drops. i don't know what he's thinking right now but he better be realizing his mistakes.

"you called her an attention seeker for wanting to be with her boyfriend who's too busy with another girl."

"you're making it sound like something it isn't."

"well how am i supposed to know what actually goes down when the two of you are alone together."

that hits a nerve because he yells for me to shut up and i just smile at his reaction.

"don't you ever accuse me of such things EVER. i love y/n way too much to even think about doing that to her so who are you to even question me on that? besides, you're the last one to talk."

"excuse me?"

don't act like you're not always with her. who knows what you two are doing behind my back?" he asks and i raise my eyebrows. someone needs to be here to slap some sense into him because he's genuinely lost it. if he loves her so much then why is he acting like this.

"that's how much you trust her and i? you know, she's never questioned you about mara. you say love her but you don't trust her? is that it yeonjun? and you have the audacity to say you love her then why don't you fucking show it? she sat outside this very building for who knows how long crying her eyes out asking why you don't love her anymore. she asked why mara can come to you in that very state but she can't and she's your girlfriend, no less. you know what else she said? she said she thinks  she's lost you. she said you're not hers anymore. are you hearing me? she's giving up on you and she’s giving up on trying to singlehandedly save your relationship." i tell him while he looks at me with tears forming in his eyes.

oh now he's listening...

"you know, she's told me before that she's thinking of breaking up with you because loving you is hard and she doesn't think it's worth all this pain it’s giving her."

"she said that?" he asks and i nod.

"i'm gonna give you an ultimatum. it's y/n or mara."

"quit playing wooyoung."

"i'm not. either choose mara and end it with y/n and i will personally make sure it ends or choose y/n and stop being friends with mara."

"why? you hoping i choose mara so that she can run into your arms?" he asks rhetorically but that question has an answer already.

"yes i am, actually. she's already doing that, isn't she?"

"you son of a bitch. i always knew you had feelings for her. if you ever say shit like that to me it won't end well."

"look, i was never even trying to hide it. she only runs to me after you treat her like trash. she doesn't see me like that and you know that. that's why i'm here right now. because no matter what my feelings for her are, you’re the  one she thinks about. you're all she talks about. i know i don't have a chance otherwise you two would've broken up the moment she came to me the first time crying because of you. make a choice yeonjun." i say before walking away.

---

reader's pov

headache. a fucking headache is the last thing i need right now.

"y/n?"

"hmm?"

"how are you feeling?"

i open my eyes to see san standing by the door with a mug in hand.

"horrible. why did i do all that?"

"i made some tea for you." he hands me the cup and i thank him, taking a sip a little too quickly because i burnt my tongue. "easy now."

"sorry."

"what happened yesterday?" he asks sitting down on the edge of the bed next to me.

"where do i even start?"

"ladies and gentlemen. sorry i have a little announcement. attention everyone." i slur out to everyone who's around me in the bar. it's more on the secluded part of the club so i can get away with making a little announcement. i just need these people to listen.

"ma'am, get down from there." a man who's sitting at the bar tries to help me down but i haven't said what i needed to yet.

"hold on i need to tell everyone this. HELLO!! yes."

"ma'am get down or i'm afraid we'll have to throw you out."

"my boyfriend is an asshole." i laugh hysterically, clapping and everything. "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE YEONJUN!!"

"get down!"

"okay okay i am. relax." the people around me helped me down but i was escorted out because these people are boring and don't know how to loosen up.

i could go to yeonjun. i hope he's not busy with mara right now. i miss him and we haven't spoken in a good minute.

i decide to walk, not really feeling like sitting in a stuffy car.

once i get there, i take a breath before knocking on the door and wait for him to open but nothing so i just enter.

"CHOI YEONJUN!" where is he? "babe i miss you where are you?"

"y/n?" he appears from his room and i immediately run to him for a hug.

"were you drinking?" he asks annoyed. what's his problem?

"just a little. i had like 5..."

"y/n."

"bottles." i burst out laughing but he doesn't seem to find it funny. so uptight.

"y/n you're drunk."

"am not." i pout and he rolls his eyes.

"why are you drinking at this time of the day?"

"because of you. you made me feel like shit when you didn't respond my message yesterday. o drank because you don't care about me yeonjun. you didn't even call to check. WHY DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST CALL ME? TELL ME!"

"yeonjun?" i look at the person calling his name and there stands mara in the doorway to his room.

"babe is she wearing my clothes?" i ask him after eyeing her up and down.

"she's just borrowing them."

"no you are incorrect. YOU yeonjun, took it upon yourself to give her my clothes. borrowing would imply that she asked me to wear my clothes and me allowing her to but it's nothing of the sort. see how it works? come on, go change." i tell her walking towards her but yeonjun holds me back from walking forward.

"what am i going to wear then? jun please speak to her." she is such a bit-

"y/n."

"give her yours then. there problem solved, now everyone can have their tea. i'm so smart." i pat myself on the back beaming at my bright idea.

"y/n you're embarrassing yourself."

"in front of who?" i start looking around to see if there's anyone else here but it's just the three of us. "i don't see anyone."

"me. you're embarrassing me."

"okay but in front of who though?"

"y/n go home, alright, you're drunk and you woke mara up."

"oh sorry mara. i didn't mean to barge into your home and wake you up. and don't even worry about my clothes you can have them. you've already taken something else from me, getting upset over clothes would just be trivial."

"Y/N!" i immediately stop talking, flinching from him shouting my name suddenly. my heart starts rapidly beating and my breaking picks up pace. "please just go home. now."

i nod, trying to hold back my tears as i walk out the door.

"im so sorry y/n." san said, taking my hand in his to try to comfort me. i keep my head ducked.

the door opens and wooyoung walks in.

"san what did you do to her?" he jokes making me laugh a little bit.

"nothing. shut up."

"y/n, can i talk to you?"

"sure." he walks in, sitting down next to san.

"i spoke to yeonjun." he starts off but i don't wanna hear it. anything with regards to him, i don't wanna hear it. his name alone just upsets me.

"let's not mention his name right now."

"i gave him an ultimatum." he blankly says and i look at him.

"what's the point? he's chosen her time and time again, what's the point? and talking about him will just piss me off." i dismiss the idea, not wanting to talk about it further. "let's talk about something else." i suggest.

"you really not gonna talk to him?" san asks and i shake my head.

"i don't want to. you know, something in me keeps telling me to just meet up with him so i can end it, but i'm weak. i'm too weak to do something like that."

"you can't avoid him either though." wooyoung injects but i shake my head.

"then give me time to think things over."

"i'll respect whatever decision you make." he says.

"thank you woo. but please don't let me cause a dent in your friendship. the last thing i want is for you two to stop talking on my expense."

"i'm just gonna say it. y/n, you're too good for him." san says making me smile.

"thank you." i finish my tea and take a shower before heading back to my place.

--

i look through the racks of the detergent aisle. i've been needing to buy groceries for a while.

the past week after the whole incident at yeonjun's apartment have been complete hell. a whole back and forth of emotions and its honestly too much for me but i need some air and run errands and basically get my shit together because i can't let a man put my whole life on pause like this.

my phone beeps and i check, smiling while reading wooyoung's message. him and san have been checking up on me every 3 hours, driving me up the wall here and there but i appreciate it nonetheless.

once i get home, carrying my groceries, genuinely in a good mood after actually taking a walk but ummm.

"what are you doing here?" i ask the girl.

"just visiting a mutual friend." she slyly responds making me roll my eyes.

"get lost."

"no."

"suit yourself."

i unlock the door, going in, shutting it in her face, waving before locking the door.

because i thought a bitch said something. i do not have time today.

i put on my music, deciding to clean up and pack my stuff like the mature adult i am.

while i'm going through my bills, i hear rattling at the door.

now who's trying to break in?

i stand up to go check, deciding to bang on the door to stop this person but then they start again.

"see what i’m not gonna do is deal with this rattling noise going through these thin ass walls, if you wanna get in just knock like a normal person dammit!"

the person knocks and i open the door. why? i don't know, i could literally be in danger.

"what the hell do you want?" i look at the tall man in front of me, not really expecting him to be standing there.

"oh it’s you." i try to close the door but he pushes it and keeps it open. "are you here to shout at me for closing the door in your precious mara's face?" i ask looking at the girl standing behind him.

"i'm here to talk to you."

"i don't wanna talk to you. look i've been having a good day today so please take your little hip attachment and leave."

she looks at me smugly and i decided to just turn a blind eye because she's pissing me off.

"mara please leave." he tells her not even looking at her. her face drops and i look at yeonjun, confused.

"do you want me to wait for you outside?" she asks him, voice getting high pitched as if she wasn't sounding like someone's father while speaking to me earlier.

"go home mara." he sternly tells her.

"jun-"

"leave." he urges making her open and close her mouth like a fish. deserved bitch.

"yeonjun why are you here?" i ask in a defeated tone not really in the mood to talk to him right now.

"i wanted to talk to you. can we please talk?"

"no." i try closing the door again and he stops my from doing so again.

"please y/n."

"i don't want to talk to you right now. please just leave me alone and don't be so rude to mara. go with her and leave me alone please."

"y/n."

"GO."

"i'm not ready to give up on us y/n."

"I TRIED WITH YOU YEONJUN! i've been trying with you. it’s only when i've reached my limit when you come to me with that? it took someone to force you to make a choice for you to realize the shit you’ve done but all those times i've pleaded with you flew over your head. i stood in your apartment drunk as a cry for help and you threw me out because i woke your dearest friend up! i took everything and accepted it quietly. you called me names and i accepted it, you spoke to me however you wanted to and i accepted it. you had that girl in MY CLOTHES, USING MY SHIT SLEEPING IN YOUR BED AND I FUCKING KEPT QUIET. i never once doubted you or your relationship with mara, only to have wooyoung tell me that you had the fucking audacity to question my loyalty to you when i've never given you a reason to. it's not fair so for you to come here, sending mara away in front of me as if to prove a point and demand that i talk to you. it's just pathetic." i yell out to him, finally getting it off my chest.

it felt good to actually say it and dare i say, to shout at him the way i did.

"you're only here because wooyoung gave you an ultimatum and that's what fucking opened your eyes? i'm your girlfriend yeonjun, not a choice and if it's gotten to a point where you havr to you're have to choose me or someone else then please just don't bother choosing me, it's insulting. now please give me some time and leave from here."

he nods his head and i can see the prominent pain in his eyes but i need to stand my ground.

he finally leaves and i shut the door. i truly can't believe this guy.

the last couple of weeks have been hell and here he comes all willy-nilly talking about some, 'i'm not giving up on us' well it sure as hell felt like it. after pushing me away for so long he only comes to me now after i've given up? i've told him how i felt but he only listened after someone else told him.

"fuck you yeonjun!" i sob out quietly. i've found myself saying that a lot lately because who does he actually think he is?

still, after all the heartache, my heart is still too weak to leave him.

he's just a caring person though. that's how he is but if he's caring, then we wouldn't be like this now.

i know that mara is the main reason all of this is happening, he's never acted this way until she developed feelings for him and decided to try to separate us, but he still made his own decisions regardless of that. he let her get between us and he chose to treat me the way he did.

i wanna get back to how we once were but there's this lingering question of 'what if this all happens again?'. i mean, he didn't hesitate to forget me once so what's stopping him from doing it again?

my phone rings and i walk to go pick it up, seeing it's wooyoung calling.

"hello?"

"are you dumb?" he asks me and i furrow my eyebrows.

"okay ouch, first of all, and second, where is this coming from?" i ask him.

"why did you shut yeonjun down when he wanted to talk things out?"

"because i'm tired woo. he's been putting me on the back burner for another girl for weeks before i said anything and when i did, it all just spiraled after that. he spoke to me any which way and i took it but it became too much. i'm tired from all the chasing." i rant out to him, feeling tears forming.

--

"so what does this mean for the two of you?" he asks.

that's a good question...

the next week has just been me thinking everything through. 3 years together is a long time to consider.

i call yeonjun telling him i’m outside before entering the building. i walk to his door thinking over, knocking on it before he opens it.

"y/n. uh come in." he steps aside, allowing me in. being in here fills my head with nothing but memories of the recent events. that's not a good sign.

"do you want anything?" he asks but i decline.

sitting at the kitchen table in awkward silence, my leg bouncing up and down from the nerves that have taken over.

"i'm sorry for lashing out on you last timea. i didn't let you explain your side of the story which was unfair on my part." i tell him, avoiding eye contact.

"how you reacted was valid. i haven't been the best boyfriend to you for a long time now and i wanna apologize for everything. for the way i spoke to you and treated you. it was completely unwarranted and unnecessary and i should have listened to you the first time, no actually, i shouldn't have given you a reason to feel that way in the first place."

i see tears forming in his eyes as he speaks and it takes a lot in me to not engulf him in a hug to comfort him. i can't do that right now, i need to be headstrong.

"it shouldn't have taken someone else to talk to me about this before realizing what i did to you and i should have managed my priorities better. you know, you're the most important person to me and i didn't show it and worst of all, i questioned your loyalty to me, not once but twice."

i never once did. not even when i saw mara walk out of his room because that's how much i trust him. you can't love without trust and he clearly couldn't seem to trust me and that's what stings the most.

that's what breaks my heart more than anything. i haven't given any reason to feel that way which is why i was shocked when he doubted got just me but wooyoung as well. everything between us has been nothing but platonic but clearly he didn't see it that way. a tear rolls down his cheek and i look away so that i don't see him crying, it's my biggest weakness.

"i should know better than anyone that you wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. look, i regret everything y/n. you shouldn't be apologizing for the way you reacted yesterday, i was wrong, i let someone get between us and i hurt you. that's my biggest regret." he says.

we both have tears running down our eyes but i still refuse to look in his eyes. he takes hold of my hand before continuing to talk.

"i'm not asking for you to forgive me right away because i know that's a big ask but let me earn it please."

"okay. you can earn my forgiveness." i smile weakly at him before quickly looking away. "by letting me go." i finish and i feel his grip on my hand loosen a bit.

and that is why i didn't want to look in his eyes. because i know i wouldn't be able to tell him that had i looked in his eyes.

it hurts to do but i know it's the best decision for me right now.

" y/n, what- what are you saying?" he asks, stumbling over his words.

"i thought about this yeonjun. the things you've said to me, the things you've done. it was so easy for you to forget how to act, who's to say it won't happen again?"

"i cut ties with mara."

"it shouldn't have to get to that point. that means that you'd let this keep happening otherwise. it shouldn't get to the point of you having to choose."

"i don't wanna lose you." he weakly tells me but i shake my head.

"actions have consequences. please let me go. let's end this here." i feel the lump in my throat forming and that's the last thing i need. i can't let myself change my mind now. i've had to think about this far too long to let myself fall back in his arms. it's for the best.

"is that really what you want?" he asks and i nod, not trusting myself to talk. "then that's it."

i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding.

"i love you yeonjun."

"i love you too." he says before letting go of my hand.

i walk out without looking back, because if i do, i'll just run back to him.

‘sorry heart, i guess we’ll just have to start again.’

i let more tears fall as i walk into wooyoung's car.

"ready to go?" he asks and i nod and with that he drives off.

"you missed the exit." i told him and he just smiles.

"i know."

"where are we going?"

"who knows?"

"wooyoung."

"you need to see some scenery, get some air, and let your mind relax so that's why. remember, there's a method behind my madness. there always is." he saus smiling.

"thank you woo."

"don't. you deserve the best and i'll always be there to give you just that." he says to me making me smile.

[ecoamerica]

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[vanyzvat]

Anti x Reader

Chapter 1: No Strings Attached

Chapter 2: His name (You are here!)

Chapter 3: Jacksepticeye

Chapter 4: Chase Brody

Jack STILL exists as a character in this fanfic, even though he is NOT canon anymore. This fanfic follows OLD lore.

Summary: He would never admit it, but he is grieving his old life. He's unable to let go of his grudges, and how everything that has happened has affected him during the past few years. There's a sense of rage that he can never truly express.

He shares with you barely a fraction of what that has been like.

(A lot of things are based off personal headcanons and my own interpretation of these characters! Please keep that in mind. I apologize in advance for any errors! Please let me know if there are any so I can fix them.)

“Ha͟ve͟ you e̕v̧e̡r͘... Be̷en ͡be͟tr͏a̢y̴ed̛?”

Again, that was an odd question coming from him. Wasn't he the one who supposedly knew everything about every person he came across, so he could use that against them? So what was the point of even asking that?

“Don't you already know everything about me?”

“I̕ ̧w̷a͏n͢t ͜t̕o k͠n͏ow y̷our anşw̴e͏r͞.͝”

“Err... I can't say I haven't? But why are you asking me this? Have you been betrayed?”

He turned his head away from you.

A few seconds passed, and he finally nodded once. Based on his behaviour alone, you could tell this was difficult for him to even admit.

He trusted someone, and then that person must've broken that trust- Or something similar. Maybe that was why he was so enraged by the world? You wondered.

You needed a moment to gather yourself before you gave a response...

Trying to comprehend that this was a being so feared by most, and that right now he was here with you, being treated like any other guest, and was actually opening up to you- That was not easy to stomach, even for someone like you.

While you were lost in thought, he slowly turned to look at you again. He's waiting for you to say something.

“Sorry for being silent- I'm just thinking... This is a lot to take in. I don't want to say anything stupid.”

“I'̴l͡l͞ s̷t̷op ͡h̸ere.”

“Don't. I'm just not sure what to say. You can still tell me whatever you want, though. I'll listen to you.”

“...Yo͞u'd b͡e̶ ţh̵è fir͝st.”

You blinked, taken aback yet again- So much, that your mouth even dropped a little.

When IRIS talked about this "ALTR 114209", they described something totally different. A paranormal presence, whose mission was to kill whoever was in its way. That its purpose was nothing more but to cause harm.

Maybe your conspiracies against the company weren't just conspiracies anymore. And maybe, this problem had a much simpler solution that they were too ignorant to even think about?

“That's okay. Better late than never, right?”

He then mumbled something which you didn't quite catch.

“Huh...? Sorry- I didn't quite catch that-”

“A̷nti.”

“...What?”

“My ǹa̕m͞e. I͡t͟ wa͜s͡. Anti.”

More silence filled the room. God, this was a lot of information, especially after barely knowing anything about him for the longest time. What kind of name was that, anyway?

“Anti?”

“I͜t̛ was ͝a͢ n͞am͟e gi͝ven to͠ ̷me.̢”

“...Uh. It's a weird name, I'll be honest. But it's still a nice one. I like it.”

“I̛ li͡ķe͞ ͟it͜, toǫ.”

“So someone gave that name to you- Who? That's assuming you don't have parents or anything like that.”

You heard him exhale through his teeth, then watched as he crossed his arms. Probably a touchy subject. But almost everything feels like a touchy subject for him.

“Loǹg st̶or̕y. I̴t's d͡iffic̛u͘lt t͝o pu̸t into w̸o̵r͡d͡s. Anḑ I̛ alre̸a̵d͠y ͢s͟t͡r͢ug͏gle e̵nou͝gh̡.”

While it was true that Anti was not the best at holding up casual conversations, or at communication, you didn't really care. Besides, he brought his own baggage up, he couldn't just leave you with his name and go without providing any explanation.

“Y͟ou ̛want̴ mȩ t̷o͜ ͘c̡on͞tin̡u͝e, d̸o̴n̨'t y͜o͜u.”

“Well, I don't want to be left on a cliffhanger.”

“I̶ c͝a͡n̶ t̀el͜l̛...”

“Į w̛óu̢ld͠n͡'t wan͡t to leave my̸ ͢on̨l̛y͏ ͜fr̕ie͠nd ͟h̕ang͝i͟ņģ, ͝wo͞ul̡d̀ I? Nǫ, I̵ ̕w͏ould̢n't̨...”

Anti was smiling, with his tone as playful as it always was.

But then his smile faded, and his voice became unusually serious.

“I was ma͟ni͢f̛ested. Man͠i̸feste̡d by̵ stro̵n̷g f͝e̢e͡lings o͞f̷ l͏o̡n̢elin̡e͝s̨s͞, wort̡h̨les̨s̡nèss. One͢ mom͞ent I ͜w͝a̕sn̷'t th̨ęre, an̕d̛ the nex͞t, ̴I wàs͝.”

“Manifested? By who?”

“His n͟a̢me dǫe̸sn't ̡ma̡tte̛r.”

Jack— The name of the person who manifested Anti into existence, was Jack. But you didn't know that.

“Was it... The same person who gave you your name?”

“Yes, and n̨o͡.”

“He̕ ̨w͠as ̛lik̢è ͢y͟o͠u̵. H̷e śp̡eńt ͠h͞is ̀d͠a͞ys pro̡vid͡i̷ng e̕ntért̵ainment͢ ͏t̀o͢ t͝h̀e worl̴d.”

“H̷e g̢av͏e, a͢n͞d h̵e g͜av̕e, and͘ he͟ ͏gave͏.”

Anti was angered by the many memories flooding back to him.

“Ga̷v͢e̢ so mųch w̧i͢th̴o̢ut͏ e̶ver̸ getting an̕y̶t͞hing in re̛tu͞rn͏.”

Memories of him watching as Jack overworked himself to insanity, and those that apparently "loved him so much" not caring at all.

Jack gave them everything, and they just watched. Just watched as he neglected himself, as he spiralled. They didn't deserve him. Why couldn't Jack understand that? They only pretended to care about him so they could get their "content". And of course, like the idiot he was, he believed them.

But not Anti. Anti saw through their lies. Jack was nothing but a source of entertainment to them. You reminded him of Jack, in a way. Was that why it was so difficult for him to give up on you?

“Th̛ose lee̶c̕hes... H͟i̴s "co͡mm͟u̡nity" as ͘he c͘a͢l̢led ̶t͠hem— T̢hey thínk ţh͡éy ma͡ḑe͢ A͞ǹtį.”

He raised his voice, his voice full of hatred towards those "people". He twitched uncontrollably, with reality warping around him to match his state of mind.

“Bu͝ţ they d͜ìd͞n͝'t͡ ͝mak͏e An͘ti͡. He did.”

You didn't give much of a response, besides nodding along to let him know you were paying attention. It wasn't that you weren't bothered to, it was that you didn't know how to.

You weren't a supernatural being, so it wasn't as if you could somehow relate to many of the things he mentioned. So you settled for just listening to him talk.

He was willing to open up to you, even just a bit, and you weren't going to make it all about you.

“Well, Anti, I guess this means you aren't as one-dimensional as IRIS claims you are.”

He laughed. It sounded strangely normal.

“Oh, th͡e͏y d͘o͠n't know an̨ythin̶g about̴ me.”

Despite him being someone who was meant to terrify you, you were fine. As for him...

“Were you scared?”

Your question must have confused him a bunch, because the distortion around you immediately subsided.

“W̶ha͜t?”

“Were you scared of talking to me. About all this.”

He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Y͘ou̸ h̀a̷ve a͜ l̀ot ̵of aud͏ac̨i̕ty ̕to̸ a͟s̕k͞ ͜m͞e that̵.”

“I'm only curious.” You shrugged.

“...It'̨s͝ be̶en a̛t͏ thé ba̢c̷k o̕f my̢ min͢d f̷o̴r a w̕h́ile ̛noẃ. T̢he̛r͢e's... Many̵ th̵ing̵s I ̀wish I͠ ̴c̡o͜uļd sh̵a͡re ̨w͘ith y͢ou̧. I͢ j͏us͠t̡ ̷don't͠ kno͝w͟ h͏ow̛ t��... Yēt.”

“It's okay. I think I understand, anyway.”

“You're basically the embodiment of someone's negative thoughts, right?”

“S͏óm͟ethin͠g like ̸tha͠t̷.”

“Eh, whatever. Still, I don't expect a being like you to know much about emotions. Let alone how to express them.”

He could only nod silently. He seemed to be doing that a lot around you.

Everywhere he went, he left destruction behind. So why were you so patient and understanding with him? Why were you different? He didn't get it. It made Anti feel sick to be in the dark, to not have control of the situation. He couldn't find the right words to describe how you made him feel.

He did feel afraid. He despised being ""vulnerable"", it made him feel small and weak, when all he wanted was to be the one looking down at those inferior to him.

But you...

“Is there... Anything else?”

“Çan ͜I sta̸y͢ ẁi͠th yo͡ú f͟o͠r ́a͜ w͟hįl͏e͡?”

“Of course.”

You didn't anticipate for Anti to "teleport" closer to you, but you didn't mind.

He wanted company, and were there to provide. After all, you liked his company too.

You looked at him, taking in his expression- He was contemplating something, you could tell. He quickly caught you staring at him, and you immediately glanced off.

After a moment, you felt him rest his head on your shoulder, and you didn't bother stopping him.

Like you've said, he wasn't a social being, so you kind of predicted that this entire situation would tire him more than the average person. Him showing you any sort of affection was a little surprising, but you didn't mind that either.

...You got to know him a little better today.

...

A few minutes have since passed.

He's been awfully quiet, and you're concerned. You're not sure if he was content, or upset. So you decided to check up on him.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“...Y̴eah.”

“I͢'m enr̛a͡g͠e̴d̀ things h̕av͟e to be t̕hȩ ͢way̷ they͞ ́are, bu͢t... Yóù make i͢t ea͢sie̵r̛.”

You smiled.

“It makes me happy to know you can trust me.”

He really fucking hoped you wouldn't break that trust. He was still doubtful about everything he had just told you, but he was trying to have faith in you.

...You eventually realized that he never really... Spoke about what happened in regards to the entire "betrayal" thing. If anything, the only thing he had done today was vaguely provide you with some context. He only admitted that this betrayal had something to do with the unnamed person he mentioned.

“Can you... Tell me more about this "betrayal"?”

“I̴ kno͡w̛ yo̕u̢'̛re c͡uri̡òu̷s̡, būt... A̧noth̴ȩr t̶im̀e. Pl͢ea̡se.”

You've never heard him speak that way before. His voice went quiet, and he even pleaded you to not press on. Was it really something that personal?

“Alright. I can wait.”

You excused yourself and shifted around, changing position until you got comfortable. He waited for you, then went right back to what he was doing before.

You closed your eyes.

The two of you stayed that way for a while longer, not bothering to talk. It felt like time itself had stopped, just so you could savour this moment.

“Th́an͡k̸ yòu̶.”

“Huh? For what?”

“I fórg̨ot͡ what ̀it w͏as͜ ͢lik̢e to̡ b̴e a ̸pe͏r̡son; And̀ to ͢b̨e͏ tr͝e͠ąte͞d͡ like a pe̴rsơn.”

“I'm here to remind you.”

Another genuine smile appears on his face. You couldn't see it, but you still had a feeling he was doing a little better than when he first arrived.

...

...This was bittersweet for him.

He had been in denial for so long, years even, to the point where just thinking about Jack and about his situation felt like someone was cutting him up to bits with a chainsaw.

His old life was gone. He was alone. To everyone, he was nothing more but a demonic presence, who took the lives of those in his path without reason.

...But you sympathised with him, somehow. You listened to him and welcomed him, despite everything. He would never stop asking why.

He knew many people had no one in their life, but none of them had fallen that low. Even if they wanted to die, their instincts still kicked in when they saw him...

Oh well. It didn't matter. It still meant so much to him.

You couldn't even fathom how much he'd yearned to have someone in his life. Even he never realized how isolated he really was in this world, until he found you.

He felt his eyes shut on their own, and he let them. He didn't necessarily need sleep, but... He was still tired. It was a contrast to how he usually acted, especially in regards to the records IRIS had of him.

He couldn't recall the last time he felt a sense of safety. A feeling of somewhere he belonged, the feeling of home.

Ah. That's it- That's how he would describe how you made him feel if he ever needed to put it into words. You felt like home.

And as you slowly fell asleep besides him, Anti realized he didn't have to be alone.

[hwanchaesong]

ATEEZ and their love languages

a/n: excuse my typos or grammatical errors, i did not proofread this

Hongjoong

quality time & words of affirmation

He is definitely the type who will make time for you no matter how busy he is.

In between breaks and schedules, he will put a time where he can speak with you and check up whatever you're on about.

It may be in the form of text messages and calls, or even asking you out for lunch. The smallest things like, "Come to my studio and let's hang out for a bit." then it will proceed to him cuddling you for a few minutes and conversing with you about your day.

He never forgets to give you all the assurance that you need.

"You're doing great baby, keep going."

"You look so pretty, that outfit looks so cool on you."

"I miss you and I love you, okay? Please don't forget that."

These will always serve as a reminder that he does think of you all the time.

Seonghwa

quality time, acts of service, & words of affirmation

Of course this man will always sacrifice even his resting time just to see or talk to you. You are his rest, and spending time with you makes him energized like he slept for 12 hours straight.

He will always make sure that you're alright and doing fine in his own ways.

He looks out for you even in the tiniest things.

Cooks food for you, brings the things that you might need when you go out, prepares warm clothes when it's cold outside.

He tends to tell you the words that you need to hear unconsciously.

For example, when you're feeling insecure, he'll suddenly say "Oh, why on earth are you looking so gorgeous today. Well, you always do either way." then everything is fine afterwards.

He literally treats you like a baby, because tbh, you are his baby.

Yunho

physical touch & giving gifts

Now, our tall puppy here loves to give you hugs and kisses.

He always greets you with a big smile on his face then proceeds to engulf you in his arms, and he wouldn't let go until he feels satisfied.

You always look cuddly in his eyes, thus, he thinks of you as his teddy bear.

Cuddles are also a must. He'd rather die than not have you in his hold.

He also had this habit of pulling you close to him before leaving a peck on your nose, cheeks, forehead, or lips.

Let's not forget his thoughtful gifts, like he'll buy the things that you need or anything that you said that you liked.

He observes and remembers everything about you so he'll be able to use that to his advantage, albeit the reason is for him to make you happy.

Yeosang

acts of service & giving gifts

We all know how sarcastic he is, savage even. But behind all that is a soft boi that actually cares about you because he loves you so much but is just somehow of a tsundere to admit.

He shows that through his actions.

Such examples are:

1. Giving you his food which he normally doesn't do.

2. Calls you stupid as he ties your shoelaces or fixes your collar.

3. Ties your hair for you while you eat.

4. Tucks you in bed.

5. Checks your belongings if it's all complete and nothing has been stolen.

He also gives you a lot of items that he bought because, and he quotes, "I accidentally bought it, I don't even know why. Stop asking!"

When in reality, he bought it because it's either it reminded him of you or he thinks that you'll be able to use it in the future.

San

physical touch, words of affirmation & quality time

He'll be clinging onto you 24/7, he'll do it even in the bathroom if you'll allow him.

But really, he is so attached to you that if he can't touch you for a long time, he'll be sulking a like a child.

Being with you is like charging him. Also, he feels like when he's with you, then he can protect you from any danger, thus, he wants to be close to you as much as possible.

He'll always find a way to be with you. Whether it be a hang out indoors or outdoor dates. Heck, he'll even use working out as an excuse so he'll be able to spend time with you.

San also lives off of the fact that he can make you flustered whenever he flirts or compliments you.

Still, all he says are his honest thoughts. He thinks that you are a blessing and he loves you so much that he'd die for you. Yeah, all of those are 100% authentic.

Mingi

giving gifts & acts of service

He is kind of shy when it comes to showing some love for you physically, especially because he respects your space that is why he has grown accustomed to these two love languages.

He usually buys items that he will also be able to use, he loves it when your things match.

Couple socks, shirts, bracelets, everything.

He loves seeing you wear and use the gifts that he mindfully selected. Makes him feel proud that he chose a perfect item.

He's also a gentleman, despite a lowkey one.

He never lets you walk on the outer side of the road. Opens the door for you or letting you take a seat first.

Everything that he does is for the sake of making you feel that he prioritizes you over anything else.

Wooyoung

physical touch, acts of service, & quality time

This man has no sense of space and privacy at all, but it's okay, you tolerate it and you love him for it.

It's either he hugs you like a koala and kisses you like a whale or he hugs you like a bear and kisses you like a prince. There is no between, mind you.

He also cooks you warm meals, ranging from you waking up with a breakfast in bed or you coming home for a freshly made dinner.

Wooyoung loves to watch movies with you while cuddling, it has become your go to dates whenever the both of you are too lazy to go outside.

All in all, he'll be out there doing anything just to keep you by his side. He couldn't imagine a life without you anymore.

Jongho

giving gifts, words of affirmation, & acts of service

The first thing that he'll always do is to, as cheesy as it sounds, give you flowers.

Bouquets, roses, sunflowers, you name it. Every week, you have a different set of florals on your vase. Of course you keep it, it smells nice and it reminds you of him.

He also never fails to remind you of how much you mean to him. Jongho apologizes when he can't be more of a boyfriend to you but still, he'll do his best to make you feel that he loves you and only you.

He gives you your favorite snacks or takes you out in your favorite restaurant whenever he's not busy, it's random yes, but it is a way for him to make up for the times when he can't be with you.

Jongho is a mere human, full of flaws and imperfections, but that won't hinder him from being the best man for you.

---------------------------------------------------

Taglist:

@hyuckilstan @ateezbabysitters @minkiflwr @hwadump @kpopcrossworlds

[tiredmamaissy]

hey, i want to get into writing but like idk how 😭 like how would i even start it off, how to finish, how to write smut? yk but i wanted to ask u bcs ur so good at it, so maybe u could help😋😋, perfectly okay if u don’t 😭

Hey! Thank you so much :').

I'm flattered that you're even asking me this question.

I honestly have no specific way of writing! (not that I'm aware of at least). I kind of feel like my writing is forever changing. When I wrote 'neteyam's first rut' (first post) I had the idea in my head for like days. One night I was like 'I literally can't keep this in my head any longer'. So I wrote it out, in no specific way/style of writing and did a quick proofread and decided:

"hey, why not post this shit? lol people probably won't even see it. and then i won't have this filthy smut in my hard drive for people to find when i'm dead (not even joking, this was literally what was going through my head.)"

But since I feel like my writing has changed a bit, hopefully not too drastically or out of character. Of course I've also gotten a little more comfortable on this site, too. :)

My experience with writing goes back to high school and university. I majored in a 'soft science', as they like to call it. Did tons and tons of research papers (way too fucking many to give it a number). So all I can really say about that is the more you write the easier it becomes - kind of like a muscle memory? Eventually it just flows out of you. Also reading. Reading helps ya know, the more you read the more you're exposed to other styles of writing, vocabulary, the whole shabang. Like @lovemyavatar, I love her style of writing, literally obsessed (and she knows it, hehe.)

I'd say write when you're motivated, inspired - driven. Or else it'll kind of dull the sparkle and take the fun out of it (wasn't fun writing any of those papers). So when an idea pops up, just go for it. Don't even think about grammar, vocabulary, etc. Just get that shit out of your system. You can always go back, fix any errors, and change things up - switch out a word with another, rephrase a sentence (or a paragraph or two), change up the plot - whatever you see fit. If I'm mid-washing the dishes and I get an idea I'll stop and make a quick voice note or a note in my phone.

As for starting and finishing, hmm. These are good questions, because I kind of feel like there's no standard or set way to start or finish literature. It all depends on what you're writing about and what your intentions are with it. What are you trying to portray? How do you want the reader to feel? What tense do you want to write in/most appropriate? What's your plot, if any? Where does it take place? What tone of voice do you want to use? How do you plan to differentiate the characters? I like to imagine the character's voice in my head actually saying the phase, or ask myself if Neteyam/Lo'ak would really say this.

For example I did a double POV for the first time, and when researching about it the article said "...you should be able to flip to a random page, read a couple sentences, and know which character is speaking." Which is so true. So I tried to keep that in mind, and focus on the characters development and make their voices more distinct.

I read a Lo'ak one-shot on here and a lot of people (including me) wanted a part two - I'm assuming so we could get some sort of closure/feel better/happy ending. But, the authors intention was to portray him in a dark light - to hurt the reader so to speak. So well-written and I really love their other work, too.

As for smut 👀. I'm honestly still new to this so I'm learning as I go. I love to consume smut so that has definitely helped - seeing other people and what terms and vocabulary they use. Overall, I just try to be very descriptive, so that the reader can really immerse themselves into the scene and feel what their character is supposed to be feeling. I try not to go overboard with the words though, because that can take away from it at times. For example, I wrote about a fight scene with Neteyam and Auzo (in 'with my life') and I kept it short and simple - "He throws a punch to his jaw, knocking him off his feet." type of shit.

I also do some research (lool thought I was done with the research life). My google searches are riddled with "synonym for..." "how to describe [this action] in writing". No shame in doing your research. There are a few blogs on this site that actually help out in regards to basic knowledge of coitus, cunnilingus, fellatio etc. as well as other sites, too! They list descriptive words, alternatives to 'she said' (lool i eat those up), other do's and don'ts.

And of course, I do some research about the na'vi. I try to make it somewhat realistic, especially with the fic I posted 'with my life' (longest one to date). I did some deep digging on their website about the 'first blood' ritual, and just other simple information about the flora and fauna of the planet.

This is my favourite source of information for smut.

Out of all the sources I've read, this is the best one so far. If I'm ever in a stump, or I feel like I need a better fitting word - I'll refer to this. This author also includes some really good points about sex, down to first times, anal - the whole works.

This is my favourite source of information for avatar.

I hope this helped somewhat and that I was able to answer your question! If you do get into writing, and you do decide to post it, I'd love to read it.

Sorry this is kind of lengthy, I have an issue with overwriting, and overall just talking too much. lmao

~ issy 💜

[lola-andheruniverse]

Sunday FanFiction recommendation. An oldie but a goodie. Black Moon Blues by Haitus 80 on FanFiction .net. A time travel fix it and Deep Down in the Hollow Ground by Ravenesque 2 also on FanFiction.net finished and the unfinished version on nine lives. It’s a different twist on Carol’s banishment. Wonderful works by wonderful authors. I bet they would love a review.Caryl on

Hi, @southerncountrygirl! It took me a few days but here I am with your recs! Thanks for sending them my way. I hope you don't mind but both fics gave me that feeling 'oh my imagine if THAT really happened' so I decided to put them on our 'fix it wednesday' tag. 😁 Okay, let's go!

Black Moon Blues, written by Haitus 80 is posted on FF.net.

Summary: What if there was a way to prevent the events that brought the group to the prison? What if there was a way to save every single person they have lost along the way? What if second chances at the end of the world actually existed? Will they be strong enough to save the others? This story has given me many sleepless nights but I think it has been worth it. Rating: M / Mature Word count: 251.626 (66 chapters) Aug 25, 2013 - COMPLETE

Time travel! It doesn't get better than time travel for me unless we get a baby at some point, love me a caryl baby because there's no other way to guarantee a cleaner slate than this. One of TWD biggest problems is disposing characters for shock value so time travel fics are great because they can course correct these errors. Our author here makes them pop around effortlessly and it's great to see them all alive again, wonder how they'll survive their canon deaths and celebrate when a different thing happens that ensure their survival. This fic also does a great job in putting S3/S4 Carol on pre-S1 Carol's shoes. This entire work is a celebration of her strength and growth. Do read it, dear fellow caryler, this fic is a intriguing, surprising and very satisfying ride. Oh, and the caryl moments? Adorable!

Deep Down in The Hollow Ground, by Ravenesque2, it's also posted on FF.net. (the version on 9Lives is only updated up to chapter 10).

Summary: No one is quite sure how much time has passed since the fall of the prison. All they know is the reality of always moving on, always surviving, whatever cost it might bring. At least they mostly found each other, but for those they've lost along the way, there is a chasm that can barely be filled. Caryl story.

Rating: M / Mature Word count: 67.142 (22 chapters) Published: Dec 18, 2013 - COMPLETE Carol's banishment on S4 is one of our favorite moments to explore on fandom, right? This fic works on it by taking a very interesting route. It has suspense and drama fueled by a lot of miscommunications, and incredible twists that change everything constructed by canon. This is definitely a caryl story (so much romance, so much tenderness, so much beauty), but our author dedicated time to develop all TF characters, giving them substancial emotional arcs, so it really feels like an alternate version of TWD from the fall of the prison. It's a great read, please give it a try! Thank you again, southerncountrygirl, for your recs. I really appreciated them! As you said, bet these authors would love to get a review notification. So, if you decide to read any of these fics, dear fellow caryler, don't forget to give them a little bit of appreciation. Feedback is LOVE. And we really need more love in this fandom. Caryling on, caryling on!

[ronsenthal]

Hi Jess how are you? Hope you had nice holidays! Not actually from the end of the year ask game but I was wondering if you could share some tips for gif colouring as your works are always so pretty and bright! It's okay if you are unconfortable answering

hey there!!! no problem at all, I love to answer some questions about my creations because it means that you liked them <3 I'll put it under the cut because it's gonna be a long ass answer

also, you can check out my tag of previously answered questions for my gifmaking method to some tips

as for coloring gifs I usually work with lots, LOTS of different adjustment layers

I usually start with increasing the brightness of the scene so I use bright/contrast, and lately i feel in love with curves, sometimes I use levels tho (but mostly in the middle of my process and sometimes I don't even bother lmao)

Vibrance is key!!!!! I usually increase vibrance as it gives you a nice path of whitch colors are predominant and don't touch the saturation sliding controls please

then i'll fix some issues caused by the increase of vibrance, because sometimes the skin gets a really weird red, orange or yellow tone so then I go to the next adjustment that is the selective color, it's really processes of try an error here but let's say that the skin color is really yellow so you can just decrease the yellow tones or use some other color to counter balance it

which leads me to next adjustment layer that is color balance, as the name suggest you can balance between the colors of your scene and I hightly suggest you to take a look at opposite color charts as they are really helpful

I've been trying my hand at channel mixer but even following some nice tutorials I didn't wrapped my head around it yet, but it's also worth a try. Same goes to hue/saturation, i never fully understood it as it messes with my colorblindness

Here is an example of the list of my adjustment layers from ron's gif

hope it helps!!!

[ravenousnightwind]

There's this whole stigma about getting mental wellness checks. It's likely due to the area and the overall mentality of what mental health issues are and why so many go untreated.

From my experience, I never went to the doctor about my problems until a few years ago because I believed they'd just think I was crazy. I mean, can you blame me though? Especially because of being forcibly drugged with my having no say in the matter. I was scared I'd be taken away because of my beliefs or because I didn't actually believe it was a mental health issue.

The thing is though, having mental health problems isn't bad. Like it's bad they're happening? But it doesn't make us bad people. Everyone has problems. I have a lot of problems. Like sometimes it's just hard to get up or move. It debilitates me in a way that stops me from doing things that need to be done. But you know what? I'm not bad because of it.

No one is bad for having mental health problems. It's all about how you're handling it. If you're those problems or more, and you're treating people like crap, maybe you need to go to therapy. Even if you think people are totally against you. Then if therapy doesn't work, try to find someone else in a different field of therapy to see how it works for you. Don't just decide because one person or even many, didn't work out that it's just worthless.

At the same time, therapy doesn't fix everything. Work is required to get better. But getting better doesn't mean the problem will one day disappear. It means that you find ways to mitigate and manage it that work for you. That's really what therapy is all about. Medication just helps boost that effect.

Just the same, don't assume cuz one pill or or one family of drugs didn't work for you, that it's all over. There are many types of drugs out there that might work. If I just gave up then I wouldn't even be able to sit here and write this shit. I'd probably be just unmoving all the time.

My point in saying this is that it's okay to have problems and to have a therapist. My family treats it like it's bad like no I can't be crazy. It's not about being crazy. It's about managing your problems in a more efficient and effective way that works for you as an individual. There's going to be trial and error with that no matter what you do or where you go. What's important is that you realise it's to help yourself, and that you are in control of your own mental health problems. If you feel like your therapist is shit or whoever, then try to find another. It's not always easy, but it's better than just assuming it's all the same.

[tuttifuckinfruttifriday]

The Voorhees' vacation to Ambrose, pt 4

-Bo, and that House of Wax

Part3

Part2

Part1

Warnings: maybe none, some grammar errors/things that don't make sense and a bit ooc Bo

Note: Excuse my lack of car/tire understanding, but please bare with me and I'm sorry if there are some errors about that '':)

And I hope you like this one too @randomly-a-fan It took me longer to correct hehe

-

As soon as they arrived at their destination, the girls thanked Lester as they got out, Jason nodding at him. The man had understood that Jason couldn't or didn't want to speak since he was close to someone who couldn't really speak, too (wink-wink if you know).

'' 't was my pleasure!'' He playfully bowed a bit with his hat in hand, making the girls smile. As he stood back up, he looked towards Jason, who seemed to be glaring at him again. ''You just have to ask for Bo, he's the one runnin' the gas station. '' Jason nodded again and him and the girls watched Lester go back to his truck and drive away, the trio walking silently into the deserted town.

There were some cars on the side of the road, but strangely enough, there weren't anyone nearby. The only sign of life they saw was an old lady pulling back her curtains of twice, but nothing else.

Everything was silence, and even though some people would have found it calming, Jason didn't. He only found it unsettling, and couldn't help but feel watched even though there wasn't anybody around.

As soon as they found the gas station, they weren't surprised to find it empty, both girls letting out groans of frustrations. Fortunately for them, they only had to wait five minutes before MJ and Eric came into sight, both looking confused as they probably realized that there wasn't anyone here.

''Where's everyone?'' MJ asked as she put a hand up to shield her eyes from the sun, stopping before her husband to gently hug her daughter close to her, Lily immediately going to hug Eric's hip while the latter hugged her close. Jason only shook his head with a shrug. Did that Lester guy send them into a deserted town for nothing??

''Well.. We could always look around or something, maybe wait a bit to see if there's going to be anyone here?-'' Everyone looked to the left as a truck came towards them and stopped beside the gas tank beside them. ''Maybe it's that Bo guy??'' Malon tugged on her father's pants as she pointed to the truck. 'Maybe' He thought as he eyed the truck's driver door open, then saw a man in a blue coverall come out. The 'clack' the door made cut the silence sharply as the group looked towards the man. ''Well, hello there! What can I do for you lots?'' The man seemed friendly enough for Jason to forget his ealier worries for a bit. ''Are you ..Bo(he looked towards Malon who nodded) by any chance?'' Eric came forwards, his deep voice breaking the silence as he gave him a small smile.

''Yea, that's me.'' He turned towards him. ''Okay, so... We saw that you had a garage kind of thing and we were wondering if you could maybe help us. We've got a flat tire.'' He finished with a nervous chuckle. Bo seemed a bit taken aback a he pulled his hat off to scratch his head, fiddling with his cap as he went towards the garage's door. ''What happened?'' ''Well, we actually don't know, but it's like a kind of big hole in the tire...''

The man searched around for a bit before letting out a sigh, making Eric stop in his steps as he had followed him inside. ''Well, I don't have tires, but I think I've got some tire patches up at the house if you want.. I can get your van too, or even just go patch it up.'' The group was shocked as they stared at him. ''You sure??'' ''Yea.'' Bo smiled a bit. ''Flat tires are a pain.'' Eric and MJ chuckled at that as both of them (and Jason) thought about what to do. ''Well, how much would it be?'' He almost looked offended. ''Nothin'! Maybe a five dollars for the patches, but I'd be happy to patch it for free if I can fix it.'' He shrugged as he put his cap back on. ''Thank you so much...'' MJ smiled as he gave her one of his own. Maybe for once luck was finally on their side.

As they walked through the town and up a hill, Bo had started a small conversation with MJ, which her husband and friend actually were a bit mistrustful of. The way he smiled at her made Jason's blood boil, but he didn't step in, fearing that he was only imagining things and was just over protective of his wife. He didn't need to feel bad about more things and stop her from talking to other people.

Sometimes along the way, they passed some 'Miss Abrosse pagant' posters, which made MJ chuckle. ''Would it be too late to sign up for that?'' Bo had chuckled too when he saw the poster, shaking his head a bit as he smiled at the woman at his side. ''Unfortunately, yea. Though I'm sure you would'vve won hands down.'' MJ's smile widened at the compliment as she instinctively held Jason's arm closer to her. ''Aw, thank you.''

*

MJ and Eric were the ones that went to get the patches as while they walked, Malon and Lily spotted the House of Wax and wanted to take a look, which Bo said they could do. It took some persuasion, MJ telling her husband that she would take a look when Bo went to get their van, since they'd decided on that option. He'd mentioned how it might take some time, so they didn't want him to go all the way up there and not have enough equipment if he suddenly needed more. Or that he would not be there if someone like them needed assistance.

Jason had glared at them, but still went. He was angry that he didn't get more time with his wife, and that Eric did. Wasn't it supposed to be a vacation? He was jealous of Eric and would happily say it if he could. Even though he was angry, he did his best to not darken the girl's moods as they chatted about all the famous (wax)people they'd see.

Anyway, when they finally came to Bo's house, the sun had started to set a bit. ''I'll be just a minute.. Need to use the facilities?'' Both thought about it until MJ nodded. ''Kinda.'' ''C'mon.'' Bo held the door open and waited, only for Eric to shake his head, saying that he needed to get some air. Plus, if Jason and the girls came back and followed the track, they would know where they are.

[rexann]

↳ KNB CHARACTERS AND THEIR KINKS!

cw // 18+, nsfw, explicit content, a bit details.

include // aomine, nijimura, akashi.

note // aged-up characters, grammatical errors, typos, not proofread.

𝐀𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐈𝐊𝐈

Size kink & Choking.

Okay listen here horny ass bitches. This man right here being 192cm in his first year of high school, imagine when he's older and actually recruited by Cavaliers, mhmm huge and beefy.

He thought you looked so cute trying to take his big cock, spreading your little cunt as you held your moan back. Aomine would enjoy this little show, waiting for you to adjust his size inside you every time you two had sex.

When you finally buck your hips back to his, he knows it's a sign for him to move and start thrusting into you. Aomine flipped you to your stomach, your back facing him as he re-entered you, snaking his hand to your chest, and resting on your neck.

“Daiki—ah!” You gasp as he pounds your pussy harder and deeper, you don't have to ask, he knows what you wanted.

Daiki wasn't really vocal, he just let out a few grunts and groans as he pumped in and out of you, to tell you that you felt good, he enjoyed it.

“Mine,” he growled, almost like a panther in your ears, as he tightened his grip on your neck, your bare back grazing his chest.

You choked out of breath as he thrust faster into you, squeezing your cunt around his cock as he focused to chase his own release.

Aomine chuckled, he likes the sound you make when you struggling both to breath and to take his pace, fucking you stupid.

𝐍𝐈𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐙𝐎

Discipline & Spanking.

Nijimura is a strict man. But even though he knew he could rule over you, he didn't do it. He didn't want to control you. He sets rules and expects you to follow it by your own will. You should know it.

He doesn't like teasing, but being a brat you are, you try your luck and end up pushing him over his limit. Now here you are, laying on your stomach horizontally on his lap. Ooh, how he enjoyed this view so much, with you vulnerable under this touch.

“Alright,” his hand resting on your ass, before sliding up under your skirt, slipping down your panties, “what did I tell you about teasing?”

“You don't like a little tease?” You asked, craned your neck to stare at his sharp metal eyes.

He didn't answer. Instead, he spank you, making you flinch and moan suddenly. 

Nijimura snorted, “that's not what I wanted to hear. Count to ten and let's see if that's enough to fix your attitude.”

He spanked you, harder.

“One. Sorry.” You shakily start counting as you feel your cheek ass sting.

Nijimura smirked, “you better not testing my patience next time. I can do this all night, you know.”

𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐔𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐔

Dom/sub & Marking/claiming.

Akashi Seijuurou likes having so much power over you. He liked how responsive you are to his touch, he liked watching you so desperate, he liked the fact that you let him do whatever he wanted to you, he liked how obliged you are to his rules.

Akashi would leave a lot of marks from your jaw, your neck, your chest, down to your thighs, back to your nape, anywhere his lips can reach your skin.

He has the need to mark his territory on you, to make sure you never forget that you were his and only his. You'd scold him sometimes for being so stubborn, not letting you cover up the marks on your neck.

“Dearest,” he kissed your neck, breath fanned your ears softly.

“Mhmm,” you hum, clenching around his dick as he slows the pace.

“You are mine,” Akashi murmured between your swollen lips, his sharp gaze meeting yours, “are you not?”

You stare at his red cat-like eyes, giving his lips a quick peck, “I am, Seijuurou, forever yours.”

Akashi smiled proudly, ramming into you deeper as you both exchanged groans each time he hit your sweet spot.

[jake-analyzes-classpects]

seer of hope

Alright, the Seer of Hope. (Disclaimer: Pretty much everything here is speculation. I’m mostly doing this because I find Classpects really really interesting, so this might not be super accurate. Also, I will be looking at cookie cutter examples for personality. Those parts are mostly for 1.) Making characters and 2.) Being like “Oh my god that’s me wow that’s so cool”. Okay anyway lets actually do this thing. WHERE MAKING THIS HAPEN)

SEER

So, the Seer class. This is the passive knowledge class, the active counterpart being the Mage. While the Mage walks a path of their aspect, learning a lot about their aspect through trial and error, the Seer guides others down a path of their aspect, learning about this through extensive research, along with a natural knack for finding this information.

The three canon Seers are Terezi Pyrope, Seer of Mind (Decisions, Thoughts), Rose Lalonde, Seer of Light (Success, Luck, Light) and Kankri Vantas, Seer of Blood (Companionship, Bonds). Rose was able to see the paths to success, most notably after the dead John timeline Rose imprinted her dreamself onto main timeline Rose. She also guided the trolls with her guide, allowing them to succeed.

Terezi was known to know a lot about people's minds, using this knowledge to "mind control" people as effectively as Vriska. She also understands decisions and the outcomes of them. We see this in her killing Vriska, the Dave Strider coinflip god-tier shenanigans, and, of course, the Game Over timeline, where she channels her thoughts to make John fix the timeline.

Kankri, is, quite bluntly, a terrible Seer. He literally knows nothing about his aspect, and manages to complete steer people away from him, only showing the barest traces of his aspect. The Sufferer, however, is a wonderful example of a Seer of Blood. He led others down the path of Bonds, and Equality. He also had a relationship (bond) with the Disciple said to "transcend the quadrants." Even after death, his message of Blood carried on.

HOPE

Hope is the Aspect of Belief, Faith, Motivation, Leadership, and, well, Hope. The three canon Hope players are Jake English, Page of Hope, Eridan Ampora, Prince of Hope, and Cronus Ampora, Bard of Hope. Jake was easy to convince, and seemed to draw others in his session towards him. However, he was far from a leader, and lacked faith in himself, demonstrating his lack of Hope.

Eridan is a pretty simple case. He destroyed his own beliefs of magic, and killed the Angels, which embody Hope. Later, he also destroyed the Matriorb, and also destroyed with his belief in WHITE SCIENCE!!!!!! He was also very far from being a leader, basically having to be carried by his team because of how hostile the Angels were. Cronus corroded his own belief in magic.

SEER OF HOPE - PERSONALITY

The Seer of Hope would likely be pretty into motivational speeches, and things along that line. They would be pretty interested in what motivates people, and would research that topic. A lot. Whether this is through papers online, or with experiments with people, sometimes themselves, sometimes their friends, well, that's up for debate.

The Seer of Hope would also be known to give a KILLER motivational speech. The Seer would likely be one to motivate everyone to do... something, but would mostly rely on others to provide the something to do. The Seer would also likely be pretty optimistic, and maybe even a little overconfident in their own ability to understand and motivate others.

SEER OF HOPE - ABILITIES

The Seer is a knowledge class, meaning that they don't have many combat capabilities. However, they would be able to inspire others, and would likely become an emotional leader of the session. Unlike some other Seers, they would basically have little actual tactical skill, but would just kind of. Make people want to do things.

CONCLUSION

Sorry that this is kinda rushed, I honestly just didn't feel like analyzing this that much but. This request has been here for like a week so I had to deliver SOMETHING. Anyway, a Seer of Hope would be really good to pair with a Page, so that the Page is motivated to do their Aspect stuff. Anyway, ask me questions if you want, sorry this is kinda low quality, might come back to it later (unlikely unless theres a dip in suggestions) anyway bye. (btw im prettyyyyy sure that this was one of my friends anyway who just wanted to add content to this blog so if that is true hello)

[pr1ncessm00n]

Update!!

Hi, everyone!! thank you so much for all the support and compassion. i'm sorry i've been kinda MIA for two days lol. that's kind of shitty of me to just not drop an update on Sunday and then disappear. but here's an in depth explanation as to wtf i've been doing and whats going to happen!! tw: heartbreak, depression, academic struggles

so obviously most of my chapter got deleted. i am actually almost done with rewriting it and i think it shaped out to be better than what i had previously written. i think by at least the end of the week it should be out, and it's VERY long just to make up for sunday's non update!! so i've been working a lot but thankfully my days off start tomorrow. i have a lot fo academic stress bc of some personal issues regarding my school quite literally fucking my schedule up and pushing my estimated graduation date back by oh... a few fucking months! great! literally hate that !! so ive been running around like a headless chicken trying to fix what wasn't my fault. sigh, i guess it should be resolved in a week or so, but as you can imagine i am so stressed about it. what makes me angrier is that it was not my own error. like to have to fix an issue that i did not cause?? i swear the staff at my school makes our experience harder not easier.

secondly, don't be fooled lol. i am writing this with tears down my face listening to harry styles and the aot season 3/4 theme song endings on repeat for almost 30 minutes because i had to end my 4 year relationship. that's a whole story for another day, but i don't think i will be okay mentally for a long time. he was my best friend and my first real love, so yeah. i might make our own love story into a fic or something just to cope but as for now thats another thing i have to deal with now!! my heart hurts a lot !! it's always the things you least expect. the worst part is it really isn't either of ours faults... or choice. i don't want to go into too much detail because even tho he's not on here and y'all don't know him, i want to respect his privacy. but the main reason is he has become very depressed, and even though i tried to help him as much as i could theres just some things you can't fix as a partner. i wish so much that i could take his pain away but i can't, i just can't.

sorry for that weird rant lol. it was a mutual decision, but it still hurts regardless lol. he was my bestfriend and lover in one, and i don't know how im going to continue my boring routine without him lol. but don't worry, i'll still be writing. if anything i'll probably write more. it distracts me, soothes me and is. great outlet. i don't plan on abandoning tumblr anytime soon lol.

thank you all so much for the support you guys are seriously the best group of people/fandom space i have witnessed in all my years as a fangirl. and i was around for 2014 tumblr so thats saying something. you guys have motivated me a lot to write more and improve, and i actually feel heard on this tiny blog (altho u have managed to make it not so tiny any more in the span of such a short few months?? im literally at 420 followers and i was at 300 a few weeks ago?? wow. im also about to hit 500 notes oh god.) you guys have literally given me so much inspiration and im so grateful for the friendships ive made already!! i have plenty of requests in my inbox to work on as well. im also creating a tag system so stay tuned!!

anyways, i feel so blessed to have such attentive followers and readers and you guys literally make me laugh everyday. its not just about notes or followers to me, but its so amazing how through tiny screens we can all share our love for some 2d characters and how for some reason my writing has struck a nerve with some of you. i love you all <3

emi

[none-of-your-biscuits]

Biscuits watching high guardian spice aka little witch wannabes ep 1: journey to *squints* idk looks like some kind of throat disease

-they definitely got the tom and jerry "this object will be used somehow" thing goin on

-why does the absolute first look we get of the characters look like it was done in crayon why are they such bright ass primary color lookin fucks

-what the fuck why is the music so loud when they're so quiet

-WHY DID ONE TALK OVER THE OTHER I fuckin hate when shows do that like she was literally talking for half a second calm the fuck down Pepto

-I'm hoping and praying this is just a bad diologue bc it's like the first episode bc that was pathetic

-speaking of voices they're not like, as bad as I was expecting

-Pepto's voice is raspier than I would have expected from a pink character and I like that actually, Blue's clues is like eh yeah that's about the voice I expected from someone who dresses like a witch as normal clothes

-what the fuck is this intro like it's not bad but it is dumb

-why would you have such a long intro showing off so many characters we haven't even seen yet like at least wait till episode two or smth Jesus you just spoiled a bunch of your own show

-YOU TOOK A BUS AND ARE GETTING ON A TRAIN WHEN U HAD A FLYING BROOM THE WHOLE TIME? disgusting

-ah stereotypical lesbians my beloved

-also STOP FUCKIN INTERRUPTING EACH OTHER I'm trying to learn lore

-also if they keep talking about new magic(?) And old magic (?) Like it's drugs or smth I'm gonna enjoy this a lot more

-flash backs in the first episode is a bold move ig

-I will forgive the teleporting sword and crayon drawing flowers bc it's a dream

-who wakes up with a surprised noise and then immediately starts shouting Jesus

-I hate the diologue, I hate it

-what in the fuck bread

-STOP INTERRUPTING, PEPTO YOU FUCK

-I'm sensing tension here besties

-"Don't get killed!"

-danger, danger is a flock of birds?

-oh it's another main character

-oh she's completely correct to be pissed if someone almost stabbed me with a sword id be much more mad so honestly she's being nice about it

-what was the fuckin point that was like 3 minutes of time I'll never get back

-those stupid fuckin squirrels better be important later or smth

-you have magic u dumb bitches ur cousin pulled two whole rooms out of thin air I think she could fix a piece of fuckin metal

-I'm not even bringing up the amount of animation errors bc it would take too long

-the "nobody sees the person behind them until they talk" joke would probably have been funnier if we didn't see blondie open the door and walk out

-she's a fuckin stereotype rpg dwarf oh my fuckin GOD please you've got happy go lucky protag with a sword and smart but quiet witch already let me fuckin guess the elf(probably an elf) girl will have a fuckin bow or throw knives and have some fuckin problem with a monarchy

-the fuckin TALKING OVER ONE ANOTHER in this scene it's not even just annoying my poor ears can't handle that many noises at once

-12 BROTHERS

-bitch I only have 5 siblings and they drive me crazy how has the cain instinct not got you yet

-rest in pieces blondie

-gay energy (?)

-LITTLE FRUITCAKES

-that probably wasn't on purpose but god it's funny

-I hate the writing and diologue but like it's not horrible, just bad

-I dont like the energy we've created here

-THIS OUTRO IS GOD AWFUL

-okay it's over first episode overview thing

-it's like, not good but it has potential, it definitely feels like a little witch academia wannabe

-but like why would you start with a filler episode? Why is it taking so long to get all the main characters around? You ended the first episode and you only have 3/4

-you are promised 12 twenty minute episodes to tell, a seasons worth of material and you spend the whole first episode having the characters walk around and do basically nothing?

-did you skip like 3rd grade and the "use the beginning of your story to hook your audience" bit?

-the voice actors aren't bad, but I have seen better diologue in a wattpad fanfic

-I feel like I'm gonna spend the whole time comparing this to little witch but honestly that's bc LWA is actually good

-try and maybe not spend half ur first episode travelling? Maybe gather the gang and use the episode to have like ur first adventure? To get the characters to like each other or at least be willing to work together?

-the meeting family right away and then the flashback almost immediately were so heavy handed the pacing is fucked

-again with the travel bit but like, you could literally have that be a flash back episode halfway through the season or like a b plot story where they literally tell the story about blues clues and pepto seeing the pokemon's ritual and them meeting blondie and tall bitch while side characters side character all over

-the stereotype lesbians are to be expected ig, I didn't expect anything good so I wasn't disappointed

-everything looks like it's in different planes of reality and then the characters are super bright and way too saturated so it just hurts to watch

Let's hope it gets better in episode two

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hii!! I saw that your requests are open again so I hope u don't mind cosidering mine!! Maybe some Hcs of the THH bois being sad and their s/o comforts them and when they think they're asleep, they sing them a lullaby? the idea makes me very soft 👉👈🥺

Oop this idea makes me v soft, too ;w;

..........

Taka

You knew how emotional Taka tends to get, even over simple things like you reminding him that you appreciated him in your life.

Though one day, you find him laying on the bed, crying into a pillow.

The fact he neglected to greet you when you came home was especially concerning, since he always did that.

So you lay down beside him and hug him closely, asking what’s wrong.

He just buries his head into your chest and sobs about a quiz he failed, believing his life was ruined because of it.

Anyone else would’ve probably laughed at him for bawling his eyes out over something that insignificant.

But you never do. 

You understand he takes a lot of pride in success...and that he could be harsh on himself for little mistakes.

Instead you hold him tighter and reassure him that one bad grade doesn’t mean his future is in shambles.

Eventually he calms down, thanking you for those words he often needed to hear.

Before seemingly passing out from the exhaustion of crying.

You pet his black hair for a bit, and then quietly sing a short lullaby.

In response, his arms hug you tighter.

Mondo

Usually, he’s scary when he’s upset. 

But around you, however, he looks like a kicked puppy.

This especially becomes true when he comes home after an argument with his gang.

He takes a shower and comes back out to greet you, his infamous pompadour now shoulder-length brown hair.

Now he looks like a wet kicked puppy.

If you ask him what’s wrong, he’ll just say it was another stupid fight with his gang, who still doubt his capabilities as a leader.

You knew he was trying his best to keep them in one piece--fulfilling his late brother’s dying wish.

So you understood he could take those insults to heart.

He doesn’t wanna go into much detail, knowing he’ll just get angrier (and probably break the coffee table for the third time this week).

You just pat your lap, inviting him to lay his head down there for a while.

He obliges and just closes his eyes as you run your fingers through his hair.

It soothes him to sleep real fast.

And you hum a small song to help ease his mind and forget his frustrations.

Leon

It’s quite easy to tell when he’s sad, even if he doesn’t say anything directly to you.

Oftentimes, it’s when you enter the bedroom or living room and see him curled up with a pillow, eyes moist and red.

The moment he sees you, though, the pillow’s on the ground and he opens his arms up.

It’s like he’s saying “hold me right now or I will die”.

So you oblige and let him cuddle with you like a teddy bear, already feeling better now that you’re here.

He’ll talk about what’s bothering him if you ask.

Usually it’s either growing pressures of baseball practice or his own insecurities eating away at him.

Though sometimes he just says he wants to sleep the day away.

You’re fine with that, and you help him relax by singing a bit of a lullaby.

All he can pay attention to is your calming voice as he dozes off.

After the nap, he feels a lot better.

Hifumi

It’s typical for him to come crying to you about being bullied again.

Though when he asks if you truly loved him...that becomes a shock to you.

Of course you did! What idiot would try to tell him you didn’t?

You swear this is the last time anyone would mess with your big and lovable fanfic writer.

Usually the perfect solution is to sit down on the couch with his head in your lap, while you brush away his tears and list all of the things you loved about him.

No really. You have an actual list you keep in case someone has the nerve to ask you what you see in him.

He might get choked up all over again as he realizes he shouldn’t listen to those idiots.

At some point, he does fall asleep, and you catch yourself humming the tune of some anime song you recently heard.

Funny enough--he sometimes mumbles the lyrics in his sleep.

Yasuhiro

You find him sitting alone in his room, looking sad as he stares down at a crystal ball in his hands.

At first you scared him when you rush over to ask him what’s wrong (fortunately you save him another million yen by catching the ball before it hit the floor).

But once he calms down, he just says he feels like a “useless idiot” during trials sometimes.

He wonders why Monokuma insists everyone participates if he can’t contribute anything good.

What breaks your heart most is when he asks if you think he’s an idiot.

You just take his hands and reassure him he’s far from that.

You remind him that he did bring up some important topics that helped piece the crimes together.

So he’s not useless at all.

He feels much better after those reassurances, though also tired since he was doing a lot of thinking.

So you two just cuddle, and when you think he’s fully out, you quietly sing a random song.

Though he mumbles a “wow you sing rly good” before dozing off.

Makoto

Sometimes the guilt of class trials weighs heavily on him.

Especially when he leaves knowing he basically sent someone to their death.

Even though he knows he has to if everyone else wants to survive.

But that doesn’t stop the nightmares he has of the victims and blackeneds taunting him, blaming him for their deaths instead of Monokuma.

Fortunately, you sleep with him on those nights.

And when he wakes up suddenly, you’re quick to bring him into your arms.

Though if you’re a heavy sleeper, expect to be shaken awake by a teary-eyed Makoto who was scared you died.

When you’re awake, you comfort him by resting your chin on top of his head, while he listens to your heartbeat.

A reminder that you’re still alive.

And you end up singing a short lullaby once he falls back to sleep, ensuring he stayed asleep knowing you were safe.

Chihiro

Knowing Chihiro, it was easy for him to get upset over many things.

But all day long, he’s kept things bottled up, afraid you’d see him as “less manly”.

Though it all backfires horribly when he’s working on a program that keeps having pop-up errors and other glitches.

It’s just one after another and he can’t fix them all.

He feels like he’s faltering in his talent--the one thing he was confident in.

How could he be an “Ultimate Programmer” if he couldn’t fix simple errors?

Sometime later, you find him crying at his desk. You can easily tell your poor bf is overwhelmed again.

So you carry him away from his computer and to the bed, where you both cuddle.

He ends up breaking down into tears again, spilling his heart out to you--the guilt of ignoring you, the frustrations with the program, everything.

And you hold him and listen, letting him talk before you give him your own reassurances/advice.

Eventually, he passes out from exhaustion, and you take the opportunity to sing something to help him calm down more.

Byakuya

There’s not much of a sensitive side to him. He learned to toughed up in the face of many hardships--all to rightfully earn his position in the family.

But not even the heir himself was immune to the stress, suffering, and doubt--especially when he was all alone.

And when you saw that mask crack for the first time..it was a shock.

You came home earlier than expected one day, and you saw the prodigy pacing around the living room, trying to dry both his glasses and eyes while taking shaky breaths.

“You’re better than this...stronger than this..y-you’re..gonna be head of your family...”

The crack in his voice prompts you to intervene.

Of course, he tries playing it off as nothing, though you take him to the couch anyway and hold his hands.

You don’t say or do anything; you just let him calm down by himself, with your presence being more than enough.

Once he does, you convince him to rest for a bit. He just scoffs and says he already planned to.

You hum a song when he finally dozes off.

Your voice is actually soothing to listen to, though he’s not gonna outright say it.

But you know it from his small smile.

Kiyondo

Despite his brash attitude and tendency to mimic Mondo..you knew that deep down, your beloved Taka was in there--still heartbroken and grieving.

It became more apparent when you found him crying in the bathhouse (around the same time he was when he first went there with Mondo).

He shut himself into the sauna, but with luck you managed to convince him to leave and go to your dorm.

At first he aggressively cuddles with you, though as you brush away the hot tears that streaked down his face, his voice becomes less rough and more...soft.

Like his old self.

He admits he’s scared you’ll be taken away from him, too.

But you just hold him, promising him you will be okay...and you’ll help him through this, no matter what it takes.

It’s hard convincing him to sleep, but when he finally does, you just stay awake for a bit longer, petting his hair and singing a short lullaby.

By the morning, he’s back to normal--still gaunt and depressed.

Yet he seems more hopeful, as he remembers you’re still with him.

[hoe-doroki]

Hey, if you're leaving a comment on a fic you love, do you think it's ok to also tell the author if they missed a word or misspelled something? At what point should you just say, "I'd beta this for you?"

Oof, Nonnie, you probably came to the wrong place 😂 Not because I'm not happy to answer--I totally am--but because I tend to be the lone person who feels differently on this than my friends, so I'll try to answer more from their point of view than mine.

Basically: if it's me, go for it, say something. If it's someone else--probably skip it.

The bottom line is that a small handful of typos isn't usually enough to stop a reader from enjoying a fic. As you said, you're hypothetically talking about a fic that you love. And so, if you say something, you're risking making someone upset over not a large potential gain for you or for them. So def err on the side of not saying anything.

You probably shouldn't offer to beta a story out of the blue either. It can come across as saying "you did a lot wrong, and you don't know anything about me, but I think I can do better than you." Even if you try hard for it not to sound like that.

It's not your job as a reader to 'fix' a fic. So if that's the angle you're trying to come from, it's not the best way to engage with an author.

I'll answer with more nuance below the cut, but that's the gist and probably what you should take away. Unless you know them: don't. But if you wanna chat more with me about this, because it's tricky, my dms are open.

Okay, let's start with who. Some authors put in the notes on ao3 that they're accepting concrit. Then it's probably fine. But also beware that a lot of people around here seem to think that what they're saying is concrit because they think it's helpful, but just telling someone that you think they're wrong about something is not usually helpful. So make sure to put a lot of thought into your phrasing, and give the author the benefit of the doubt if it's something more than a simple spelling error.

If they're a friend, it's probably fine to reach out personally. If it's an author you didn't know but are having a back and forth with, it might be fair to bring up if it sounds like they're looking for feedback (I've done this before, but you def have to be careful!). If it's someone you've never interacted with, again, probably don't.

Now where. If it's on ao3, it can be tricky since you can't message unless you leave a link to another account. I'll admit, the thing that makes me different from my friends is that I'm a fan of leaving and receiving reviews that have things I like and things I question. Admittedly, I don't know if all of these reviews have been well received--I'd actually bet that they haven't. But, imo, I'd always rather receive an engaged review that's not 100% positive on a story than one that just says "omg, I liked this so much 😍". Writers so rarely get truly engaged reviews, so that's why I leave them. But, nonnie, without knowing what kinds of reviews you leave and what you think is appropriate, I can't recommend you do this. I'm not even sure it's right that I do it. Some people are grateful, most don't say anything, so idk what the odds of a positive reception is. So, if you're questioning if your review will be well received or not, take out the part you're questioning. Better safe than sorry.

If it's on tumblr, don't leave it in a reblog, even in the tags. Maybe dm the person, if you're kind about it. Or you can leave an ask, but I definitely recommend not leaving an ask on anon. If you're willing to put your name behind what you say, then that should tell your gut that you don't think what you're saying is alright. If you feel the need to hide, that feeling is coming because you think that you're wrong, so just don't. An author will be more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt if you put your name behind it too, or they can follow up with dms or answer privately instead of publicly.

That's my gist. Like I said, I don't really have the answers here, because it's personal. If you're really wondering, and if it's someone on tumblr, you can try asking them. But a lot of authors around here are pretty sensitive about stuff like this, so be prepared to get a negative response and apologize, just in case.

The best you can do most of the time is just let it go <3

[rpbetter]

what's the nicest possible way to tell a close friend their roleplay blogs suck and if they want followers and interaction like they keep complaining about they have to actually put effort into it instead of just making blog after blog and slapping a character on it like that's they need to do. I've tried to suggest this to her before by comparing other blogs that play her muse but she just feels inadequate instead of inspired to emulate them which I understand but it's very frustrating when I suggest a million ways to make her blog better and she brushes them all off for one reason or another and I don't want to say anything because she's like a sister to me. sigh.

Unfortunately, the short answer to this is that there really isn't any way you can make her see this unless she's ready to see it.

But, I don't like giving those sorts of answers, they feel hopeless and shitty, so, let's try this...

Understanding what the problem with your friend and her connecting with this information is, is important. It might help in talking to her about the issue.

What I find in these instances, and a lot of similar ones, is that the mun is unhappy about the results but quite happy with the process. She's enjoying some part of this, it's just not the lack of interaction, obviously. It's the very things she's doing to turn people off of her muses.

I think a lot of people get kind of addicted to new muses. I mean, the entire process of having a new muse:

interest to outright fixation, no matter how short-lived, in a new, inspiring muse

who is almost certainly in a new fandom, and probably, one that is very busy and popular at the moment

"someone stop me" phase, even though they've already decided

picking the perfect URL, creating the new blog, making the graphics and batches of icons

reblogging All The Content about the new muse, at least, the visual content and maybe, a couple of "oof, right in the feels" style short meta posts

plugging the new muse on the old blogs, through friends, etc.

mass follows

new mutuals! Shiny new meme asks in the inbox! New threads!

It's about the newness, the excitement, and the irrationally promising feeling that damn it, this time, the blog and muse is going to be successful, popular even, beloved, the actual favorite iteration of the character in the RPC. Like anything exciting, it's addicting for people. And like anything addicting, it can take hitting rock bottom and going several more feet down, a few times, before they're over it and want to change.

Which is, of course, where you come in with your as-yet failed RP interventions.

What makes what you're trying to do here very difficult is that there isn't a total bottoming out she's going to reach. There will always be something new and exciting coming out with a new and exciting muse that'll fix the problem, in her mind. There will always be the option and availability to create another blog, slap another muse on it, rinse and repeat. With shampoo and conditioner that never runs out.

You definitely had the right idea by trying to get her to contrast between why what she is doing isn't working the way she wants and why what someone else is doing is working out that way. It's just, as you found out, often not the best idea, no matter how well-intentioned it is. With her blogs constantly failing for reasons she refuses to believe, it's incredibly likely she's already done some comparison in all the wrong ways, ultimately going back and forth between blaming the other iterations, finding nothing but errors in the way they write the character and set up their blogs, and feeling depressed that she's not good enough, but they are.

So, you might have unintentionally inflamed all of this! She could be in a place where she's even more likely to believe that what she's doing is great as a defense mechanism for being hard on herself.

I'd also like to say that I'm aware the "right" advice here is, "there's nothing you can do, you'll just make her feel bad, people have a right to RP however they want." But, you're also her friend, and you have to be around the complaining and upset when this just keeps happening.

Furthermore, when we have very close friends like this, we automatically keep trying to fill in the gaps for them at cost to ourselves - every time they make another blog/muse, we get roped into writing things we know are just going to be dropped, making them things we know are going to left on a deserted blog, and so on. Eventually, it makes you feel bad about yourself because your efforts aren't good enough, either. It can really ruin the hobby for you, sucking away enjoyment and creativity you could be spending elsewhere.

I don't think you're wrong in trying to help both her and yourself.

Keep being honest with her. When she complains, be honest about why this is happening. And you can, indeed, be kind and honest!

Let's say that she says something about how she wrote all these opens and no one is going for them.

You could say something like, "that sucks. I liked this one, it's the one that feels and sounds like the character to me. What were you doing when you wrote that? You should rewrite the others to be a little more like that, I think people are looking for more of the character like we saw them in the series."

You're acknowledging that she's right, it does suck, it's a shitty feeling no matter how at fault for it she is. While pointing out something she did good (and, okay, maybe she didn't, maybe they all categorically sucked lol but find one that was even a tiny bit better/that has elements you can use to both boost her confidence and show her what is right, not just wrong). Then, giving her an idea - whatever she was thinking, watching, listening to at that time, she tapped into something more like the actual character, and she could do it again. And telling her what the problem is, at least with this, that people don't want a cardboard cutout muse, they want the one they like from the fandom book/show/movie.

No need to actually compare with another active mun and muse, or tell her that it's because what she's doing is terribly and driving you nuts. Even if both are true.

If she's the one that compares herself to another blog this time, seize the opportunity!

"Well, people like that the muse is developed and like the character they know. When you interact with another canon, don't you want them to be like the character you liked? You liked -current muse- for a reason. When I've felt like that, I reminded myself of why I was drawn to the character and worked harder on writing them accurately and getting their voice down. I think this other blog has done that and you haven't yet."

It's a little harsher, but she may very well only be looking for validation from you that this other blog actually sucks and she's doing great. A lot of complaints on tumblr are that - seeking validation, not help. The entire culture of that shit is not at all helpful. You don't want to try to sort of shock her out of it by being too harsh, but you do want to make it clear that you're not going to just give ass pats and tell her what she wants to hear.

You're telling her why this other blog is more successful, that the muse comes off as the character and is enjoyable to write with. Because the mun put in the effort to make them both accurate to the character and a muse that's fun/interesting/engaging to write with in RP.*

*Not all characters transfer over well to RP, either, and this might also be some of her problem. For whatever reason, some people are deeply drawn to the worst possible choices for them. They will find the least applicable character in a whole series, one with a billion characters that spans decades of material, plenty of viable options all around, but no, it's got to be this one. The one that's impossible for them to pull off, boring or disliked by the fandom, is incredibly difficult to interact with (think manic pixie bullshit, villains that are extreme loners, incredibly quiet and reserved characters, or those who are only ever seen in their canon to be bantering with friends and enemies - people they have established relationships with, unlike someone else's muse, even if that muse is a canonical friend or enemy), or is an active turn off in RP, like an outrageously overpowered character whose entire existence is based on being OP as fuck. That's going to be what they go for. Every. Damn. Time.

If you notice she's doing this, she could be compensating without even realizing it by turning the string of muses into identical and empty clichés she thinks people want to interact with, but that she can still handle writing. And unfortunately, your job is even harder, OP, because everyone has a character type...and your bestie's is Fucking Impossible to RP for 90% of the RPC Population Type lmao I'm...I'm so sorry.

Maybe if this is the case, you can get her to try out a different character that has some of the traits you've noticed she seems to always be drawn to, but without the complications. Work smarter, not harder, though! Propose this as you desperately wanting your muse to interact with x. Some people react very badly to being told "you'd write a great -muse name," others are flattered by it. If you don't know for certain that she'd be flattered, or at least not offended, that she doesn't hate this character or anything, do not say this. Just tell her that you love this character, you think she could handle them as a NPC in a thread, could she please try?

And make that the single most interesting thread in the history of threads. Specifically, for her. Give her tons of engagement with this NPC of the sort she tends to want the most. It might stick and reset some of her perspective on the types of characters she keeps choosing.

You're reminding her that she's a RPer, too, which sounds like a crazy thing to have to remind a RPer, but we do weirdly lose track of this. We get very invested in what we're putting out more than what we've successfully been given, especially when we're not being given much of what we want. So, you're prodding her to recall that there are two parts of this equation, she's been on the side of it - she's wanted to interact specifically with a canon muse because she loved the character/ship with hers/whatever, and has, as we all have, experienced both the disappointment of running through a ton of them who just are not that character and also finding the version that very much is.

This helps to put other people back into perspective in a way that isn't just "interactions." (Read as "desired attention." Which isn't a slam, it's true. It's also not a problem, we all are here to interact, we all enjoy having devoted mutuals and such. It's only a problem when we stop seeing them as anything other than a means to an end for ourselves.) She might be able to relate to them, thus, why they don't like her muses, if she can put herself back into their shoes.

You stick with that and transition it into why she picked the current muse. It's the same deal, there was something about the muse that sparked interest, creativity, etc. What was it? Something that isn't there, or there enough, in her writing. In all the excitement of muse-creation, she's probably let whatever it was slide right out the door. If you can get her to recall that feeling of interest and identify for herself what all triggered it, she might be able to stick with it.

And you've encouraged her again to give people what they want if she wants interactions by developing her muses. You've also done so, if it all applicable and true, by using yourself here, making it feel like not just a common problem, but one experienced and overcome by someone she cares about and trusts.

She might have an issue with needing a lot of high-interest, high-reward scenarios, too.

This is a high-effort, minimum reward situation for her. A lot of us in the RPC have shit like ADHD that can really make this difficult once we're experiencing it in this way, but even those who don't absolutely fall into it as well. So, you'll need ways to make it fun, but...I think if you can sort of kindly trick her into experiencing the effort as its own reward, it'd go a long, long way.

I can't really say what I do, having this problem with high-effort, minimal reward because I don't tend to experience that in RP. The writing is the reward for me, as much as I lose it utterly with happiness every time a writing partner is loving what I've given them. My reward system is set up around the writing and exploring characters. Hers seems to be set up around the reaction to it and amount of engagement with it. You need to try to use the latter to give her some of the former.

If she likes Halloween or Christmas, Fall or Winter, this could be your way into doing it!

Get her hyped about a seasonal prompt list you're doing. This does, yeah, mean you will have to do it, too lol but in the end, any time you aren't able to produce something daily like these lists usually are set up for, you're showing her that it isn't a job she's got to fulfill - the rules are only as strict as she wants to make them for herself. And if you keep yours short and fun, she'll feel like it's perfectly fine and good to do it this way as well. That it doesn't need to be a damn masterpiece or anything, just fun, something different to show off her muse.

While what she's actually doing, in addition to that, is getting in touch with and developing her muse. Importantly, when we write in a way that is just for ourselves like this, we tend to kind of...bond, for lack of a less weird sounding way of putting it, with a muse. It makes them stick with us longer, raising their importance and easier availability to us.

Let her know you're doing this, pick one out you genuinely like, and don't expect her to be down with it immediately. It's work with no foreseeable reward. Except, it's very hard to listen to our friends be excited, proud of themselves, enjoying themselves without wanting to join in. It'll be especially helpful, though, if you think people you interact with will like the posts and comment on them, or even try to turn them into threads if you include their muses (with their consent, of course, and no pressure). If she sees that, it might make it even more interesting to her. You might also have to pose this as her helping you out, that you don't think you'll get more than two done if she isn't doing it as well, as a sort of a challenge she can hold you to.

Whatever you think might work best for engaging her, you know her well, you can do it!

Be there to help her out with ideas if she goes for it. Throw out some easy, fun suggestions you think she might like, that even give her some opportunity to write something with her muse that she doesn't get a chance to. Pull from the muse's canon, is there something in their canon that goes with the prompt word "snow," for instance? Is it something she enjoyed about the canon story? Suggest it. Thinking about both the muse and your friend, is there something else that came to mind about that prompt you could suggest? Do it!

Again, whatever she's most into, it's an angle. Humor? Her serious muse is forced into a ridiculous, funny situation that involves the snow. Angst? A sad memory associated with the snow. Shipping? A romantic, fluffy scene (or steamy one). And so on.

Be there to express interest and encouragement while she's doing it. Don't do things that are going to come off as pressuring or helicopter moming her, of course! Like, asking how much she's gotten done, did she start working on it yet? That's a bad idea, unless she enjoys that sort of thing. Instead, tell her how much you can't wait to see this, ask about how it's going, tell her about yours to encourage her to talk about it.

And be there to be her audience when she posts it. This really seems to be her highest reward, so give it to her. Like the post, comment on the post, tell her in messages. Not individually, all of those things. If you can find a way to that doesn't mess up what you've got going on with your blog, mutuals, other friends, etc., mention it on your blog.

At this point, people might be both aware of her RP habits and wary of engaging with her, but someone might bite if you're enthused and go like the post. If it's applicable, make some jokes about it on the dash, turn it into a moment of inside joke-like crack for people to see. Mention that she wrote this and you loved it, link it or outright reblog her post. Hell, mention that you and her are doing such and such prompts for whatever holiday or season before the fact, that way, it doesn't come out of nowhere to your mutuals, either. Again, if applicable, you can ask to turn it into a thread.

The point, at this juncture, isn't to attract people to her blog and posts, it's to demonstrate to her that this is fun and rewarding. If you can get people to go like the posts, great, but you can only count on yourself to do it at first.

Most people enjoy those sorts of prompts on their dash from mutuals, though. You're always going to have some who feel like it's annoying because it wasn't strictly a RP reply, but whatever, they're not the majority in most fandoms anymore, thankfully. Point is, it's literally showing her mutuals that she's capable of thinking as her muse and working on her muse. It's showing off good things and making her muse more interesting and uniquely hers in a good way. And it's totally possible that she's going to organically generate likes, people wanting to use this as a plot with her for RP, and mutuals who are increasingly following along with every post made.

The hope is that she experiences the beginnings of more interest in the muse than she does making muses, gain some confidence in doing this with the enjoyment of it, and stick with a muse longer than five seconds so that she can actually end up with the interactions she wants.

There are definitely other ways of doing this, the prompt thing just came to mind because it's major prompt season. You've got a prompt list floating around for literally every popular point of interest right now, from whump to extreme fluff to horror to humor. And it's going to keep going until January. It's also something that can be as short as a paragraph or as long as several thousand words, and that a hell of a lot of people don't do all of. So, it's easy, so long as she's got a reason to find it interesting and stay on course with it even a little bit.

You could also try getting her into doing something like moodboards for her muse but with little additions of writing that go along with them. Nothing major, just things like a quote from her muse or a sentence from a starter, thread, whatever.

So long as you can get her to start refocusing on RP being enjoyable from the inside and not just the outside, it's valid as hell to try it! She seems to be experiencing RP as instant gratification and basing that gratification on things she can't control, like popularity.

Right now, even giving her the sober truth that one can write the best version of a canon muse there is to be found, be someone enjoyable and interesting in OOC interactions, and be an amazing writer without that being enough to garner popularity, or even the plots that are wanted. That being a very popular RPer and having more interactions than you know what to do with (honestly sucks ass) isn't a set of absolute values, but rather, variables that are always in flux and often, totally mysterious. It's usually a mixture of total luck, visual appeal, and both mun being on point with what people want to see right this second and muse being the mixture of fanon that is desirable, also, right at this exact second. It is seriously not within anyone's control, no matter how much effort, quality, or even outright bullshit they have to put out there.

If she's ever going to stick to a muse and not find herself envious, upset, and bored it's absolutely got to come from herself. She's got to be popular with herself, enjoying herself regardless of what others are seemingly achieving or want to give her. It's not going to be recognized no matter how harsh or sweet you are about the problem, unless she's capable of really looking at those problems as problems, and I don't think she's going to get to that point through negatively bottoming out. She might get there through the opposite, though!

It's...just going to take a lot of effort and patience from you, with no expectation of reward yourself.

Because it's still likely as hell it's just not going to happen. And while it seems like you are the kind of friend who would find the effort worth it because you care and are invested in her, please know that there's no shame in merely contemplating this and noping right out.

You've got a life and are trying to enjoy the hobby as well! And if it seems like something that could sour your friendship? It's not worth it. You're better off just accepting that she'll inevitably tire of doing this and move on to another hobby, maybe decide to do fandom blogs or something instead that you can support her in.

It's definitely an unenviable and frustrating position you're in. All you can really do is try not to let this negatively impact the friendship, to keep refraining from just outright telling her things she'd find hurtful, and try your best to show her that it's rewarding to develop the muse and stick with it, not a task. That there are improvements she can make to her blog, and that it isn't a negative reflection on her that they can be made. You can try all the compassionate trickery in the world to lead her there, but it's ultimately up to her whether she brushes this off as well, don't let it hurt your feelings or exasperate you too much!

Also, it's totally possible that even if you met through RP and/or it has been a big part of the friendship, you might have grown in different directions in the hobby.

Growing within the hobby is inherent to any hobby you stick to for long enough, especially if you started out in it young. Some people seamlessly just keep growing to things that make them happy, others experience a lot of growing pains along the way as they're maybe ready for change, but only in select areas they have to discover for themselves. Still others grow in a way that doesn't make them very happy, but they're both not ready (or willing) to approach why and what they can do, and also still too attached to the good times they had to reassess whether it's still something they want to do, or if it's something better moved away from into something else.

That's always very difficult as a friend. Difficult in watching your friends not go the same directions as you anymore, even in something as comparatively silly as a hobby, in seeing them not enjoying themselves, and in the possibility that it could signal the end of enjoying the hobby with them. It's sad and frustrating, and can feel lonely, but if you're close enough friends, you've got so many other things to still be good friends over, so keep that in mind!

She might need to keep doing this with her blog and muse situation until she comes not to the realization that she needs to change how she's RPing to get what she wants, but rather, that she wants to stop RPing. That could be the burnout that happens here eventually, but again, not only can you still be great friends, if it makes her happier, it's good.