#old experiences

[thetruthlsoutthere]

Weirdness around Oct. 24th, 2021

this was a message i made to someone, a friend in this belief, on this day, around the afternoon after 4 pm. click on the read more link because it's long. This was my half of a conversation with someone so only focus on that, okay? okay.

::::: i have always felt it strongly, espeially more since that point and its flaring up really bad right now like intense. im trying to calm my breathing but i have to tell you. i am freaked out O_o

first off, my senses: my hearing is so freakily good - like based on whatever sound , even if it's talking, regardless of volume but especially if its to the point of under someones breath or whispering, i can hear it perfectly as if they are right next to me. thats the hearing . its always been like that

the sight: its like i almost dont even need my glasses anymore because given a 10 rating, my sight is more than that or exactly that and my glasses help better but its like i could be without them now and i can see everything with freakishly good clarity

the touch: i mean, plain and simple, down to perfection, thats an obvious

taste: same thing

feeling: thats the same as touch and taste but its like similarily , it feels more intense for me, everything/ living like you feel it normally as a human but its like idk, i dont know how to explain. it scared tf out of me

i was looking through one of the "Doctor Who' books i have, and i cant begin to express how much i felt a homesickness, sense of loss and pain and feeling of deja vu at the pictures it showed of Gallifrey, other places, the Tardis, other alien species and felt like i was home, like i had been there, like i had been among these species of aliens

im always watching and looking for anything strange, especially with close perimeter of where i live and im almost waiting for that door thing to happen again bc i still hear things outside and the strange lights in the sky, one in particular that feels like it could not be a star among any of them. the weird lights that are definitely not stars and the way theyd act, the movement, hearing things and the wierd lights on ground level like something among the trees, the animals sensing and even the baby sensing things in and outside the home that no one, even me, can see

references to Gallifrey, timelords and ladies, time and space, traveling, the Doctor, the Master, popping out everywhere, the name Clara too, same thing with 'ravens', the silent calls too have been constant lately. lets not even get started on my dreams and the meanings they seem to be sending

and from the begininning to now still: the sense of its like there is a home here, but i dont know how else other to describe it in a sense that like an object, youre here among it all so in a snese you are home but your NOT home because this isnt your home, this isnt your origin. I feel so disconnected / disassociated, like I'm here but I'm not really here. A sense of loss and feeling like there is something huge missing, because if this was truly a home HOME then i wouldn't feel like what really is, isn't here. Im trying to explain it a best version possible

countless of times, i look at this human family of mine and i think : yes that's my mom or my sister or my nephew or my brothers but its like thinking from their perspective and how they'd see me in comparison from me to them, there is a sense of difference that comes with that if only they knew, or that disconnection

the sense of what life might really be and the answers known and unknown , how it will affect my future and what they would find out and have to accept and deal with? that alone is just -

the reptitive numbers have been constant with 222, 111 or 11:11, or 1:11, 333, 444, 555, 777, 12:12, 10:10, etc. and that whole thing where my chest seems sensitive and more weird, i felt my chest, and i could have sworn by everything in me, that i felt a second heart. i know the placement of where the human heart is in the body and so based on where the second heart could be put, i felt the beats of it

and seemingly all around, i COULD be human but to experience everything i have and do, points to that i may be right now or , am put into a state where it will seem like that but im not and that i cant eveen begin to explain as to how that would make sense to another person's brain

and of course, i am never going to claim that i know every single little thing of information in the known and unknown parts of the entire universe but i feel like human or not, my knowledge over a lot is getting better and many a times, people have come to me to learn and know things and get advice and i have been seeing the shadows again and mention of the Darkness.

hearing of weird and strange things/inhuman things through music with other normal things that don't make sense to be added together because they don't relate. among the various incarnations that the Doctor and Master, and other timelords/ladies have - i seem lately to have gotten specific incarnations of them popping out to me

i feel like i know who i am, who i could be, what its seeming to be like i could be or definitely am, but at the same time, i am feeling such a loss of identity yet because of the definite and possibilities and the possibilities that seem more likely than the rest, i feel like i know more than i ever did because you know more as time passes obviously

but i want to get this out so i can finally tell you and you can read it all and respond to each accordingly. i hope so badly im not alone in this. there is more to tell but i am so freaked out at how strong and intense of a flaring feeling i am getting of it

like i am literally in transit, in a half way point phase where i am neither here or there. Like a waiting period at the point of change but that thing to fully ram into it and have it skyball has just not ha[need yet

like im home here on Earth but i am not really HOME

I also have heard weird noises and seen split second weird flashes in the sky as well as the sound of aircraft but when i look in the sky, even among the clouds or lack therof any , I see nothing so maybe there is the ability aboard the c raft or whatever causing those noises to be able to hide themselves so no one can see them

people, even strangers staring at me in ways like there is something off or something drawing them to me and they are waiting for something

there are times, which isnt a new feeling but seems to have increased lately as well, is how when i speak, its not of someone my age for the most part and i will speak as if i am not from here like I'm waiting for something, or on the move , or wanting to go home. I even have said to my family that my home is among the stars but they brush it off as silly or me being a weirdo dork.

dont even get me started on how strong the feeling is , is that whenever i see my gallifreyan fob watch necklace and knowing its a fake, my mind goes to the real one which gives me the feeling of not wanting the fake and feeling a want, need and urgency to find the real one

my sister had even asked me , if i was happy here: i said yes because i am but in this weird, strange, unexplainable / ufo/aliens / paranormal, etc. life, i feel a happiness and a sense of peace and home i don't elsewhere. You can have a home like feeling for more than one place obviously

its not like i dont love, care for and appreciate everything in this normal life as well as strange life because i do equally, I'm just acknowledging what i think, know and feel about this life too

and im never going to lie about what i feel because the truth cant be shied away from no matter how hard one tries; trying to make sense of who or what i am makes sense as to why i and even you can answer some questions but not all bc we might have what could be any memories back but if any of those are even memories then we obviously don't have all back

______________________________________________________________

Make of this what you will.

[eosofspades]

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

[atissi]

i don't really like when people say dungeon meshi is accidentally good autistic representation, because while i understand not wanting to make conclusions without explicit confirmation from the author, there's always the weird assumption that non-western authors somehow don't know about things like neurodivergency/queerness/etc. (on top of the assumptions that east asian authors are somehow more naive or oblivious to "western" social issues).

given that dungeon meshi started being published in 2014, it's not really a "work belonging to its times"—it's as contemporary as any other media we discuss on this site, which means it should be fair to assume it engages with contemporary topics (and at the very least, you shouldn't say that the representation is accidental with so much confidence)

but anyways, the chapter "perfect communication" in ryoko kui's "terrarium in a drawer" is some of the most straightforward autistic representation I've seen, and from now on I'm going to assume that laios's character writing is absolutely intentional in that regard:

[kendyroy]

Seeing Logan in the TVA makes me laugh so hard for some reason? Like I know he’s lived to see technology evolve and stuff, but there’s something so funny about a guy from the 1800s standing in some kind of retro-futuristic timey wimey agency to me. Man is confused as hell.

like what da hell is a polar bear doin in arlington texas

[cryptocism]

"just as I did, in 1983."

you'd never know my favourite parts of the show are the fucked up insane bits when my first instinct is to draw the cheesiest thing imaginable

[ispyspookymansion]

BOO!

oh sorry….come in…..hello…welcome to my halloween party ^_^ feel free to take a piece of candy and a goodie bag before you go okay? have a fun (and nostalgic) halloween season!!

[wingedcorgi]

mfw i decide to remake a comic from 8 years ago

[femaleboysblog]

okay listen. im gonna say something here, I'm not black. however, the non black people in the tags (mostly the kendrick lamar tag) being like. oh well uwu 😔☝️how come no one talked before about drake being a pedophile and preying on black women etc? thats weird! uhhhh??????? black women have? for years???? yall didnt listen when they said 'hey this is weird' n it only got a considerate attention when it was about millie bobbie brown and still you people were like "oh whatever he still makes fire music" or whatever. and some people still are acting like this. so, listen to black women when they tell you they feel or know that something is not right. listen to black people.

[engravedlives]

misc green graphics stamps

[theopiumeater]

[transmascissues]

if you’re young and transmasc and the people in your life haven’t been great about the whole thing and you’re starting to feel like it might be easier to just give up and pretend to be the person they want you to be, i need you to hold on. because the thing is, one second you’re 16 and a future where you get to make decisions about your own body and life feels so impossibly far away and you can’t imagine living like this for that long, but then you blink and it’s been six years and you’re in your car with the music blasting and your voice is lower than the guy in the song’s and your hair is long for the first time in a decade because you’re finally confident enough to grow it out again on your own terms and your chest hasn’t been weighed down in months and it’s the freest you’ve ever felt in your life and i promise it will be worth the wait. don’t give up on yourself.

[hellspawnmotel]

i love you always forever

[aurabora]

i’m being so serious rn if assad zaman isn’t rawdogging eric bogosian on my tv screen in s2 i am going to raise anne rice from the grave and telling her that AMC is writing fanfiction and she needs to sue them

[glorious-spoon]

"how can you ship [x] when [y] is clearly going to be canon" is such a completely nonsensical question to me that i often forget that this is genuinely how some people do fandom

[1ncend1ary]

yeah.

[nyancrimew]

i think every queer (whether they've realized it already or not) kid should have to go through an emo phase, let's force them to listen to nu-metal while they skip school to cry about a broken heart