#om! shitpost

[l3viat8an]

MC: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are actually my clothes. So don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt now.

Mammon: Alright, but when I come struttin’ in with your fuzzy pink socks on I don't want to hear any shit from you.

MC:*grinning* I’d love to see you in my fuzzy pink socks!

[iwillmarrybeel]

I’m a simple girl… I see a fellow Beel simp, and i consider us best friends for life

[temis-de-leon]

Who's their emergency contact

.

Lucifer: Mammon, his favourite brother and the one he turns to when things get serious. For the sake of his peace and sanity, there are things he'd rather keep secret from Diavolo and just for this reason he can't trust Barbatos either; telling something to the butler would only result in the prince knowing.

Mammon: you, whether you like it or not. Depending on the situation, Lucifer may leave him longer than necessary in the hospital (or wherever he's retained) and his younger brothers tend to make fun of him most of the time. If he has to face someone's wrath, please let it be yours.

Levi: Lucifer, the default option. As much as he loves and trusts you, he needs to be realistic: there are some things you cannot handle. Besides that, of course, his eldest brother is responsible when making decisions, especially if his family is involved.

Satan: Lucifer and he hates it. It used to be Asmo until he had an accident with a spell and ended up in serious trouble. When Asmo arrived he cried so hard out of worry that they had to call Lucifer, so he reluctantly changed it to save some time in the future.

Asmo: you. If something happens to him, the first person he wants to see when he wakes up is you and, if it were really serious anyway, you wouldn't go alone to get him. Plus, he'd also die of happiness under your care since he'd be receiving all your attention!

Beel: Lucifer, who he trusts the most in stressful situations. He loves Belphie with all his heart, yes, but he can't trust his twin to be awake at random times; emergencies can happen at any hour, after all.

Belphie: Beel. Does he have to explain? Besides you, there's no one in the family he trusts more than him, so it just makes sense.

You: Lucifer. Mammon tried to negotiate. He tried.

.

.

Main Masterlist

This is so damn stupid. I promise I'm writing my normal posts, but I was watching Grey's Anatomy and it just happened. If it looks wonky, it's because I'm sleepy

Taglist: @ilovecandys2010  @ollieoven @kingofspadesdelusion

[devildomangel]

MC who was sad that they didn't get to see the Solar Eclipse so Beel and Belphie decided to recreate it for them.

-MC, wearing sunglasses and sitting outside the HOL-

Lucifer: MC! What in the nine circles are you doing out here?

MC: I'm watching the eclipse.

Lucifer: We don't even have a sun in the devildom

MC: Shhh! It's starting!

Beel, Wearing a cardboard cut out of the sun: *Standing still*

Belphie: *Wearing a cardboard cut out of the moon, passes by Beel*

MC: Hell yeah

[helshollowhalls]

[shootingstarrfish]

nothing happened but he deliberately says it like this to piss his brothers off

[incendas]

[whatever-fanfics]

Headcanon that the demons and angels don't have that instinct when somethings wrong.

MC *feels the hairs on their arms stand up*: Somethings wrong

Solomon *feels a pit in his stomach*: I agree

Demons and Angels: What the fuck

*Something goes wrong*

The Demons and Angels: What the F U C K 🤯😱🤯

[hopeluna]

Belphie at Diavolo's parties: this place is so fancy, I don't know which fork to kill myself with

Asmo: the fork on your right.

[janahanooo]

Unfortunate adventures of MC with Mc being tired? Heck yeah.

Lucifer: may I ask why are you here?

Mc: ...cleaning?

Lucifer: why?

Mc: don't get angry

Lucifer: too late I'm already angry, so?

Mc: I was playing with Cerberus and he kinda... trew me agains the wall and now you have a hole on your wall...

Lucifer: ...but are you okay?

Mc: yeah, no injuries that I'm not aware of

Mammon: MC PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!

Mc:

Mammon: PLEASE, LOVE I'LL DO ANYTHING BUT THAT

Mc: I just said that you don't have to buy me stuff... I have money too you know

Mammon: but Mc! It's my duty to buy you everything you want!

Levi: with my money?

Mammon: yeah with Levi's mone-!

Mammon: of fuck. BYE MC I REMEMBERED I HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO SEE YA LATER

Levi: get back here you scum bag!

Belphie: can I get my pillow back?

Mc: it's still in the laundry, Belphie. I'll bring it to you once it's washed properly

Belphie: nooo, I want my pillow back!

Mc: and I want to go on a vacation, I guess neither of us is getting what we want.

Belphie: Mc...

Mc: sorry, the summer heat is getting to my head... I just go and lay down

[leniisreallycool]

The Silent Game

MC gets sick of the brothers' constant bullshit and demands that they play the silent game

They challenge the brothers to see who can last the longest without speaking

The rules: speaking, no burping, passing gas, scraping chairs or any other furniture, chewing too loud, breathing too loud, clapping, punching/slapping/any other form of hitting that causes noise, grunting, etc

Coughing or sneezing is fine, as long as it's involuntary

Texting is only acceptable in situations where they would already use text or if they have to talk to Diavolo or Barbatos

Satan and Belphie immediately tries to piss Lucifer off enough to break and scold him but it doesn't work

Beel doesn't even have to put effort into it except to keep his chewing noises to a minimum

And he can't go on a rampage when Mammon takes advantage of the situation to steal his yogurt

Belphie would have just slept through the challenge but MC said sleep talking or communication through dream walking is also forbidden

Lucifer is pissed off when Diavolo talks to him and he has to text him in response

Diavolo finds the situation delightful and bugs Lucifer to try to break him

Barbatos does too but more subtly

*insert brief joke about making Solomon play too*

Asmo is in tears when he realizes he can't speak to his fans or make videos or go on quote unquote dates

Levi just sits in his room the whole time except for meals

No one knows if he's following the challenge or not but they can't hear anything from his room so it's safe to assume he is

The challenge has been going for three days and it's starting to creep MC out

They've never had a round of the silent game go on this long

It's eerily silent and they almost want to call off the challenge

But it's so nice to not have to worry about anyone slamming doors and screaming at each other

So they let it go on

Mammon steals Lucifer's credit card and gets strung up

To his credit he doesn't yell for help

Belphie is the first to break 5 days in

He's half asleep when he demands MC cuddle him, forgetting that he's not supposed to speak

He acts like he doesn't care but he wishes he wasn't the first to break

He takes advantage of the fact that because he lost, he can be as loud as he wants

MC is so done immediately

Asmo and Levi are next, 2 days later, a1 week in

He had a livestream scheduled with someone cool and awesome and he just can't miss it

It makes him cry to lose but he gets over it pretty quick

It means he can whisper sweet nothings to MC while the others watch in jealousy

Levi tells him to fuck off and stops, realizing his mistake too late

Beel is next 2 days later

Mammon took too many of his desserts and absolutely lost it

He was ashamed afterwards but he lost

That leaves Mammon, Satan, and Lucifer

Another whole week goes by without anyone dropping out

Surprisingly it's Satan next

He's bugging Lucifer again as he has been for the last 2 & 1/2 weeks with no result

He drops a chair on Lucifer in the hopes that he'll noisily crack it in half

But Lucifer sidesteps and the chair smacks the floor

Satan loses

Now it's only the oldest two left and the rest have started taking bets

Barbatos already knows who's going to win so they make him monitor the bets so no one cheats

No one expected Mammon to last this long because he's normally so obnoxiously loud (I love him anyway hush)

Then one day

Three weeks into the challenge

Lucifer walks up behind Mammon to tell him something

Mammon didn't know he was there

And squawked

Lucifer didn't even intend to startle him

It was a complete accident

Everyone is disappointed with the anticlimactic ending

But hey! MC got a few weeks of relatively less chaos

And for a while afterwards the brothers automatically stay silent when they walk into a room with MC before remembering that the game is over

Worth

[l3viat8an]

MC:*Limping out of Levi's room* Ouch…

Asmo: Oh-ho~ and just what were you two doing in there?

MC: Not what you think!

Levi:*Walking out of his room, looking down at his D.D.D.* Hey MC, look! I found another position we can try!!

Asmo:*winks at MC* Right….it's totally not what I was thinking~

MC: Jojo poses…

Asmo…what?

Levi: MC and I have been trying Jojo poses!!!

Asmo…….oh..

[iwillmarrybeel]

I like the conviction displayed by your URL. You Will Marry Beel... I believe in you and I hope you're very happy together hehe

I gotta assert dominance y’know? lol

But yeah I’m very determined, I think Beel would appreciate that hehe

Thank you for the blessings, I’ll be sure to order some sweets from the store later 🍬 (lmao)

[temis-de-leon]

MC deadass writes with hooves.

They grab a pen with hooves and just do stacks of homework.

I don't even do my homework and I have fingers.

MC walks, eats, messages and writes with fucking hooves.

[devildomangel]

MC jokingly saying they wanna fight god and Raphael being like "you're gonna have to go through me first".

Now you have a 1 foot tall sheep fighting the literal hitman of the Celestial Realm in RAD's front yard. Mammon setting up stall to take bets on who'd win and Levi's yelling combo moves to MC. Lucifer's head hurts, Asmo is streaming it, Belphie's wide awake and is the loudest MFer alongside Satan while Beel is on standby.

[det2x-fanfic-dump]

We love mammon