#on the money about the mental illness though I'll give them that

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP4/ONE’S GOT CLASS THE OTHER ONE DYES (PART 2)

Luke and Lorelai both have "unique" approaches to conducting business, I'll give them that. This chapter was rough for me to write for some reason and then I LOST my draft partway through and had to rewrite everything! Some things that are happening:

-Lane attempts to initiate a conversation with Mrs Kim about her new band. She loses her courage before Mrs. Kim presents her with applications to strict Christian colleges. -Michel suggests that the honor of being named a Successful Person in Business is a low bar to clear when Lorelai's only business competitor in Stars Hollow is a presumably homeless and/or mentally ill fellow who scours the streets for change with a metal detector. I mean, yeah, he has more ambition and a better work ethic than Lorelai does.

-Luke is reluctant about the speaking gig and Lorelai threatens to embarrass him by singing badly in public if he does not comply. He may as well refuse since she's going to embarrass him on a daily basis no matter what he does anyway? -Luke says he went to Stars Hollow High for three years. Huh? I thought he's lived in The Hollow his entire life? High school is four years long. Did he move, drop out or graduate early? No explanation was given at this point in time.

-Luke has "no good memories" of high school. Join the club. -Luke asks Lorelai if she's ever been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder. No, the answer you're looking for is no. She is unmedicated and dangerous.

My beloved Tomatos Sign is missing! You'd think it was because after 3 years the prop department noticed the spelling error and took it down to fix it. You would be wrong. It'll return shortly to be Tomatos for several more years. Should I ask that Valerie Campbell lady (as "key set designer" is her title, I believe) why it took 5+ years for someone to notice one of the most visible props for the entire run of the series had a spelling error?

Lane is interesting. Yes, she is naive in many ways, that's a given with her upbringing. But she is also painfully self aware and highly intelligent. She is definitely not stupid. She fully realizes how desperately boxed in she is by her neurotic mother. She makes the effort and takes risks to live life on her own terms even though it usually seems futile and AmyShermanPalladino is always lurking around a corner waiting to shatter all her hopes and dreams. Rory on the other hand is such a pathetic people pleaser and so desperate to keep her mother happy that I think she's blind to the fact that she's actually in a similar situation, Lorelai just masks it under the veneer of being a "cool young mom" and Rory is content to remain more stagnant. I have more thoughts on this subject but let's not make this into a rambly mess. On with the ShitCircus.

I can't believe it looks there's another fucking festival going on in the background. I am grateful some of these seasonal events exist because it helps me keep track of where we are in the year. There's pumpkins, it's fall, the Thanksgiving episode is still a ways away so I can assume it’s early October and Rory would have just had her 18th birthday.

Lane and Rory on their way to harrass Queen Shane at her place of employment. Minimum wage in 2002 was $5.15, by the way. Look at that Rory, someone your age has a JOB that makes MONEY.

Stars Hollow, the land where nobody has seen a tv show produced after 1975 but the references to modern pop and rock music flow like wine.

Alexis really does have some spectacular defeated/fed up with everything facial expressions in her acting playbook.

Sure her customer service skills aren't the greatest, but if Lorelai Gilmore is allowed to leave work in the middle of the day to shop for coffins then Shane should be allowed to read a Seventeen behind the counter and ignore Rory. Her manager, Cynthia, is pretty chill and will look the other way if Shane slacks off. Reminder that while Rory knows who Shane is, Rory has barely been a glint in the corner of Shane's eye. Any time that Shane and Rory have shared the same space, it's been when Shane runs into the diner, makes out with Jess, and doesn't look back. Because she is a god damn superhero.

It's unlikely Jess and Shane ever use their tongue for talking either so I doubt Jess has told her who Rory is. So to Shane Rory is just some random customer who is staring at her weirdly like she's trying to melt her with her eye-beams.

Look at that exemplary customer service. Better crown her Employee of the Month now, before Jess offs her and throws her in the lake next month.

Dirty white aprons with tomato can accessories are the newest sensation on the 2002 Paris Runways. Luke Danes, fashion icon. Time to go to class. Lorelai is there to play Fashion Fairy Godmother. Upstairs we go to get him out of that sweaty flannell.

That's so filthy. L&L barge into the apartment without knocking to find Jess in the middle of pulling up his pants. Walking into any room that a teenage boy might occupy is a risky game, but Interruption seems to be Lorelai's biggest kink.

I know Jess is just a poor little street urchin but can we get him some clothes that fit for once? In 2002 Milo was so smol a stiff breeze could have blown him away. He's wearing a belt and it's not working. Those pants are so baggy they could fit 3 Milos in them. Not that I would mind if his pants fell down. Looks we're on Gilmore Girls Time today, where down is up and right is left as Luke and Lorelai are about to give speeches at Stars Hollow High in the middle of the school day but Shane, Lane, Rory and Jess are not in school and no one cares, so it's Who The Fuck Knows O'Clock.

Stars Hollow High: Jess is not graduating because he never went to class. Luke: How could I possibly know that? Jess settles into a chair with a chemistry textbook. Our Child Labor Kingpin here Luke Danes tells him to go help Cesar downstairs. Jess says his education is more important than Luke's desire to use his nephew for cheap child labor. Luke disagrees. Luke goes to change in his bedroom leaving Lorelai, Jess, and a cloud of awkard silence to mingle in the other room. Luke has a book on his shelf called "Forty Days" but i can't find anything with that title. It sounds kinda erotic, tbh. Lorelai says she's gone swimming with Luke and has seen him shirtless before. Que? Jess: Have you seen him with his shirt off lately? He's really let himself go. Lorelai: *Sneers and ignores him. (to Luke): And lose the baseball hat! Jess: I think his head will fall off without it. Lorelai (snarkily): I think he'll be okay. You wanted Jess to talk, right? You're going to continue bitching to everyone you know that Jess Mariano only speaks in grunts like a caveman unlike your little fucking English scholar there Dean Forrester, right? He just lobbed you two funny quips in a row (and you love funny quips!) but now you're silent and giving him a dirty look and a nasty attitude. WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT, WOMAN? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! WHY SO SILENT QUIPPY! WHAT DID THIS CHILD EVER DO TO YOU!

I'm just gonna sit here and read my little Chemistry book, and one day I'm gonna make 40 kajillion dollars when my books are made into blockbuster movies, and I will own you, Aunt Lorelai. I will own you.

Lorelai doing the Fry squint at Jess when he asked if something was wrong, because she refused to make conversation with him.

Speaking of Gilmore Girls Time. Let's stop the clock for a minute here. Moments ago, Shane was at work. She rang up Rory and Lane, and they left immediately. The scene then cuts to Lorelai entering the diner and then after he gets a brief lecture about his clothing choices, Lorelai and Luke start to head upstairs so he can change. In order for Closet Girl to be Shane, her shift would have ended seconds after she finished with Rory and Lane, and then she would have to immediately run down the street, sneak upstairs to Luke's apartment without him noticing and would only be seconds into servicing Jess as Luke and Lorelai are about to walk in PLUS he would need time to hide her in the closet and pull up his pants and appear cool calm and collected. I know Shane is a slutty superhero but could she really put that off in just a few minutes? Conclusion? It wasn't actually Shane in that closet and Jess has a rotation of girls who skip school with him to service him in his uncle's closet.

[yongislong]

little person.

genre: yuta x reader (but you can imagine anyone in his place of it brings you comfort) angst, sad, domestic, fluff, suggestive ish, sad hours boink, self indulgent

cw/note: mentions of reader wearing makeup but gn, angsty, talks of depression, anxiety, isolation, money issues, college, heavy topics, love can't cure mental illness at all, but it's nice to be comforted yknow? inspired by pull by christian leave and little person by matt maltese, please give them a listen, not proofread...

overwhelmed is an understatement.

with college payment deadlines, chapters due, essays, campus life and being a full time server, it's not surprising how yuta noticed your burn out so quickly.

he would always nag you for working so hard, especially when you downplayed yourself so much. you were clearly burning the wick at both ends yet constantly referred to yourself in reference to being lazy and lacking. he never understood why.

you were clearly working yourself to the bone. even mark noticed when he came over to paint his nails with yuta one night, you busting through the front door with a tired smile and a promise of seeing him next time when you're not so sleepy and smell like stale bread. always waving them off like nothings wrong, while limping to the shared bathroom inside your room on the other side of the hallway. eyes sunken and face pale. makeup smeared. alongside a throwaway comment about how awful a customer had been to you.

but you really didn't think anything was wrong. i mean, you're doing what you're supposed to do. people are going through much worse than you and working a lot harder. sometimes it didn't seem fair that you thought to put yourself first.

yuta made it his mission to make you feel better.

you woke up after him. patting the empty space next to you. opening your eyes and shutting them almost as fast as the light from the blinds ajar burned the edges of your pupils, causing you to wipe along your lash line.

oh my god.

thrashing awake with heavy breaths and shaky palms you slam your hands down on your nightstand in an effort to reach your phone.

12:47. OH MY GOD?!

"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, no, no, no, this is not happening, fuck..." you muttered, trying to gather your things and running to the bathroom to wash your face and grab your uniform for the night. rushing into the kitchen you see yuta, shirtless, back facing you as he seems busy with a pan in hand. swaying to the music playing from his earbuds. sweatpants low on his hips, tattoo on full display. pink gem belly ring sparkling.

"why didn't you wake me up babe?!? yuta!!!!! uhghhhg!!" you stomped over to him, pulling your hair up in a banana clip while making your way over, tapping his shoulder once you reached him. he seemed equally as confused as you are once he spun around, especially now that you're desperatly tugging your his shirt over your head to change. with a frantic look in your eyes.

"huh? babe, babe, hey.... not that i mind... but chill out, you have a free day today" he smiles softly, letting his hand travel from where he moved his headphones to grip your hips, lightly pulling you forward and pecking your cheekbone.

"what are you on about?? i have lecture today, and i'm already late, can you drive me. please? oh my god im so sorry i woke up late, oh fuck i hope i turned in my lit review last night... was it due... fuck i have to do my quiz today too, i'll get off work too late though..." you muttered under your breath in between gasps and cringes as you go back to trying to slip on your socks and shoes.

"relax, h-hey, y/n, darling, stop... i called your professors and boss last night, you need to rest. and you're going to. i'll help you do something if it's due tonight but the next two days will be spent here... with me!" he coos, a contrast from the smirk falling on his lips as you slow down your movements from where you were perched on the hardwood floor. yuta towering over your figure.

he sinks down on the ground with you, letting the wire from his headphones rest on his neck, the buds clinking subtly, as he moves to smooth his hand over your bare thigh in an effort to ground you.

"yu, what are you talking about, i- i can't, i cant. no! i-" you pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes. you were freaking out. mostly because you felt bad. and you were fine, right? i mean doesn't everybody feel this tired? you couldn't have had yuta so worried that he took it upon himself to halt you in your tracks... right? you don't even work that hard...

reaching for your wrists, he pries away your hands from your puffy face "yes. yes you are y/n. you're so clearly burnt-out! im proud that you're working hard but you're disappearing in front of me babe... you just seem... so sad..." he frowns, dipping his head low to meet where your eyes stayed glued to the floor, "i can't fathom how you don't think you work hard. you do. and you do so much. i hate it when you say its what you have to do. that you're just doing what everyone else does and that you feel you don't have a right to feel drained. you could've given up a long time ago but you haven't. why are you so hard on yourself? hmph? please don't treat me like a stranger, i want you to be able to be transparent with me. i don't judge and you know that, especially not when it comes to you. so please just forget about everything for a while. i know it's only two days but i want you to relax yes," he ends his monologue with a breathy chuckle. " and ugh, yes, maybe i'm selfish and i do want to be able to wake up next to you again," he says with an eye roll and a smile. you snicker, throwing your head back slightly. he watches you in awe.

"there's that pretty laugh" he whispers, catching your chin with his pointer finger and thumb, as you lower your head back down and uses them to angle you head to look up at him from where he pulled you onto his lap on the floor. you hadn't even noticed how close you both had gotten during his confession. but you didn't mind.

he catches your lips with his as you part them, the beginnings of a response to his words are swallowed up by his mouth as he kisses you like he hasn't seen you in months. you pull away softly, he chases your mouth, leaving two or three more soft pecks on your cupids bow before burying his face in the sliver of you neck revealed from how the collar of his old, worn, shirt lays against your shoulders.

he knows you're thankful by the way he can feel your heart beating out of your chest. the hands still holding your wrists can feel the way your pulse changed when he kissed you, and how it never slowed down, even after he stopped. he doesn't need to hear you say it.

the butter that was once melting on the stove was now long forgotten, the crackles from the gas stove and the rattling of you tiny cat's collar bell created background noise.

yuta lifted his head up from the junction in your neck, smiling drowsily, as if he had drank two bottle of soju. his long hair made purchase over his eyes he laughed giddily though his nostrils.

he stood up pulling you with him. turning off the stove and dragging you back towards your shared room. the mess you had left on the kitchen floor remained untouched. stack of pancakes yuta had made were left sitting on a hello kitty plate situated on the kitchen counter. your shared black kitten followed behind your guys' feet. stretching along the edge of the bed yuta sits you on to remove the shoes you so desperately were trying to shove on. kneeled down in front of you, he kisses your shin, grinning up at you. locking his hands around your ankles, he shifts your legs to lay under the dark velvet comforter he bought.

a comfortable silence filled the room as he shuffles next to you, pressing his face up against your chest and inhaling. pulling his face up with both of your palms on his cheeks, you look at him with a soft smile and eyes glossed over.

"i love you, thank you, you have no idea, you're kind of a genius... very sneaky, it was kinda freaky," you say lowly as you both stifle laugher over the small joke you released.

"i know, i know... i love you most"

i didn't take long after this exchange for you to lull back into slumber. even in your sleep he felt your hands instinctively wrap themselves around his neck, raking lightly through the long hairs near the base of his spine. the legs he'd slung against your hips are used to pull you impossibly closer to his front. he takes his as an opportunity to crane his neck to look up at you. hair sprawled all over the satin pillowcases. a the look of comfort and peace he hasn't seen in ages.

oh yeah, he's a genius.

closing note: omg some of the stuff i wrote reminds me of my other fic :") so apologies if it seems similar LOL also??? no one writes for yuta its insane. anyways i hope this brings somone comfort or enjoyment even if it wasnt requested! i usually dont do closing notes but the top of the post was getting so cluttered TT

[hey-hamlet]

hi! if you're still taking asks about your aus: for the villains quarter au, do you have an izuku and katsuki reunion in mind? if so, how would it go? and how did katsuki feel after izuku disappeared?

I do not stop taking asks ab my AUs, do not worry. Its the main feature of this blog and also brings me great joy! Sometimes I drop off the face of the earth for like a week but this is just who i am as a person.

I have a few ideas for the way a reunion could go! Ill expand on my favourite, but the options are:

Izuku becomes Aizawa's ward and joins UA's gen ed class where he runs into Bakugo (closer to a canon rewrite, izuku doesn't become a hero).

Izuku becomes Kurogiri's official ward, they open a restaurant within the actual city which is shockingly not a money laundering scheme that is frequented by UA students - Bakugo gets dragged there and runs into Izuku (if this au was a slice of life manga).

And, my favourite: things go roughly like canon, though Aizawa is even more overworked bc he's taking more night shifts and he recognises Shigaraki and Kurogiri at the USJ where he feels betrayed on both his and Izuku's behalf. Like, you have a kid at home!! Don't be a villain jesus christ! They go on ab how they are making the world better - for him and for everyone. No one gets too badly injured here bc they aren't going for the kill because Eraserhead is cool and only terrible people kill children (and also if they were terrible people Izuku would be sad and might not serve them food which would be worse than death.)

Oh as an aside, poor Aoyama. All for One didn't actually threaten his parents, it was more like a "I'll pay you, I know your son wants to be a hero so he'll be applying for UA" but they both interpreted that as a threat and also want money, so Aoyama is under the impression his family will be slaughtered if he doesn't act as the traitor. Poor boy.

Anyway! Shigaraki still has Bakugo (and Todoroki, in this AU) kidnapped and brought to the bar. Todoroki was a request of Dabi's bc their old man sucked ass and he wanted to give his little bro the option to just get the hell out of there. Bakugo was both an attempt to recruit someone from Shigaraki, but also he found out he was from the same middle school as Izuku - a middle school full of bullies and abusive teachers. He's honestly kinda concerned for Bakugo's mental health actually.

And then he sees Izuku bringing out dinner for the villains and the poor kids they picked up.

"Deku?"

Bakugo's voice was - uneven. Tomura had snatched him out of UA's hands and the only emotion he'd gotten from the boy was rage, but this? It was unsettling. As was the crash that followed it. He turned around, coming face to face with Izuku, paler than he'd ever seen, broken bowls and spilt food at his feet. Tomura scrambled to his feet to help, just behind Kurogiri who had pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, probably to wipe what had to be blisteringly hot broth from his clothes.

"Kacchan?"

Their Izuku was a cry baby - they'd discovered after that heart wrenching week of empty desolation he'd shown when Tomura had first found him. He cried when he was happy, when he was sad, sometimes even when he was excited. Tomura had expected the happy tears of seeing an old friend, or the angry tears that popped up when Tomura did something he though was stupid, but -

Izuku's eyes were dry.

He took a step back, and then another, slipping onto the ground. Still, he crawled backwards, horrified eyes on the boy they'd taken.

"Deku? Deku! You were fucking dead - we - my mum and dad fucking cried for you you piece of shit, and for what? So you could run off and be a fucking villain? What the fuck is wrong with you! You should have jumped off that fucking roof when I told you to you pathetic -"

A little blue marble clattered to the floor where Bakugo had sat, shutting up the tirade before it could continue. Still. Still.

Izuku was already gone.

[voltfruits]

I dunno if u will answer this. But i want to know about your sunburn take(this is definitely not an excuse to gather some inspiration)

i'm always happy to talk about sunburn!! i'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.. like my general thoughts on the ship? headcanons? idea of what their dynamic is like? i'll do my best to get my general thoughts out, but feel free to let me know if there's other stuff you want me to add :))

i think the main appeal of Sunburn for me is that they're both mentally unwell together while also having complementary personalities that help the other partner better manage their mental illness. they're both weird loser outcasts who have issues with intimacy and emotions, but Sunny is patient and attentive with Aubrey and helps her stay calm, and Aubrey keeps Sunny grounded in the real world and gives him the strength take care of himself. so you get a healthy dose of "this couple fucks everything up together" which is fun and relatable, but it also gives you so much room to explore them growing and healing together.

i think Aubrey would try really hard to stay in touch with Sunny after the true ending, even though she's upset with him for a while. she train-hops into the city late in the summer just to see him and work out some messy post-Truth emotions, and then they stay in touch through email during the school year. Sunny's old childhood crush reawakens itself very fast now that Aubrey's showing so much care for him—actually, I'd argue that the crush never really went away.

Sunny comes back to visit sometimes, too. and when he does, he and Aubrey will always sit on the swings together and talk, just like old times. i think a lot about the game's implications of the swingset being a big heart-to-heart spot for them. it's only a short time before their conversations start to feel free and natural again. they just get each other.

after Aubrey graduates high school, she moves into the city where Sunny lives and gets a job in construction/freelance handywoman stuff. Sunny still lives with his mom, and he's studying for his GED and making a little money as a freelance illustrator on the side. they spend a lot more time together, Aubrey takes Sunny out on bike rides and reminds him to take his meds, and Sunny and his mom have Aubrey over for dinner several nights a week (she's definitely living paycheck to paycheck at this point, sadly, she needs all the help she can get 😔). and this is around the time where Aubrey starts to fall for Sunny in return. she sees how much he's growing into his own person and coming out of his shell, and how badly he wants to be there for her and help her out.

in the years that follow, Aubrey and Sunny finally work through their feelings and start dating, Aubrey goes to trade school and starts working as an electrician or auto mechanic (better job, better money!), and she and Sunny get their own apartment together, and a cat :) adulting is hard for them at first! dinners are burned, bathrooms are flooded, rent deadlines are nearly missed. but they have a hell of a time, and they have each other, and they survive and then thrive. at some point i will write a fic that explores all this is fuller detail. but that's the general gist.

as to what their general endgame dynamic is like: they're both pretty quiet and subtle people in demeanor/appearance, but they're a little wild on the inside. Aubrey's hair is back to black with a single pink streak, and she has a love of leather jackets and earrings and tattoos; Sunny's evolved into a sort of tasteful goth/dark academia aesthetic. they both like listening and observing more than talking. they both keep a lot journals and talk about deep meaning-of-life shit. they do tons of parallel play, and parallel work. Sunny talks more than he used to, but he can be spacey and shy sometimes, which makes Aubrey very protective of him. she's mellowed out, but she can still get a little fiery when she thinks someone's giving Sunny a hard time. they're not overly showy with PDA, but they're almost always holding hands. and they can both understand how the other is feeling without needing to exchange a word.

i also think that Sunny and Aubrey both like being artsy together :) Sunny is an illustrator by trade, but Aubrey also likes to draw and paint with him. and she casually plays guitar, and Sunny does a little music production stuff here and there.

lastly, even in timelines where they don't end up dating each other, i think Aubrey is also the first person Sunny goes to when he's confused about his gender and/or sexuality. if the mystery potion is any indication, he's definitely thought about being a girl to some degree, or being something in between. so at some point after Aubrey moves to the city, they're up late one night talking, and Sunny admits that he wishes he was a girl sometimes, but not all the time? and Aubrey is the only girl he's really close with so he figures it's best to get her opinion. and it takes many more years before Sunny actually puts a label on how he feels (probably genderfluid), but Aubrey is there with him every step of the way (she's an active participant in the city's punk/queer subculture so she's very accepting!!!).

so yeah. that's some of my sunburn word vomit. i love them endlessly, in case u can't tell :')

[vamqiredove]

OKOK @indigoartistqueen i'll ramble and elaborate err i'm keepin it here cause this rlly isn't smthing i want on slaingelo especially bc i get a bit mad in this oops

CAMERAS LIKE THAT ARE USELESS. ALSO THEY MAKE SHIT WORSE IF YOU ARE PARANOID. having them inside your house is unnecessary unless you're convinced someone's living in your house without you knowing. otherwise it does nothing but take up electricity or batteries and money ect ect whatever. If you unnecessarily install cameras you're going to be checking them constantly. and also within the context of just "waah my big strong man is out for a week i'm so scareed i'm going to put cameras inside my house" WHAT IS THAT GOING TO DOOOOOOOOOOO SOMEONE HAS TO /ALREADY BE BROKEN IN TO YOUR HOUSE/ FOR THAT TO BE "USEFUL" AT ALL AND BY THAT POINT IT'S NOT SECURITY WHATTTTTT

like other people said in that post, security like that makes it impossible to get out of your house fast/give first responders a hard time getting in. I have a bar in my window. it's removable from the inside very easily and all it serves to do is keep the window from opening more than a few inches. this mf would install damn prison bars if her husband had to go away for a month.

IF YOU'RE THAT PARANOID ABOUT LOCKS GET A FUCKING DEADBOLT AND/OR CHAINLOCK OH MY GOD. first responders are more likely to know how to get around those than "mobile locks" what the fuck is a mobile lock. OH WAIT !! SHE ALREADY HAS A DEADBOLT AND SHE'S DOUBLING UP WITH THE MOBILE LOCK. HUH ???????????????????????????????????

YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU ARE HOME.... when I'm home alone I actively try to make it look like someone's always awake. do I go over the top locking every door and window in the house and leave the curtains facing the backyard closed and did I once move furniture to block my bedroom door in order to sleep ? yeah sure but I'M MENTALLY ILL. WHAT I'M SCARED OF ISN'T EVEN PEOPLE BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE FFS IT'S MONSTERS THAT AREN'T REAL BUT MY DELUSIONAL BRAIN CONVINCES ME IT IS REAL TO THE POINT OF INSOMNIA IN PARTICULARLY BAD EPISODES. I AM NOT THE AVERAGE WHITE AMERICAN WOMAN FOR I AM NOT EVEN ANY OF THOSE THINGS

literally the only way I can see someone going this far for security in a way that ISN'T just "this is an ad" and/or "i am trying to brew fascism" is if someone fell into the delusion of being gangstalked, and in which case, they probably aren't posting their entire security system online because they'd be convinced their stalkers are watching their every move online and offline lol... it sure as hell wouldn't be framed like this either. also if it was the case she'd still be scared while her husband was home. it wouldn't magically appear when he's done, it would be constant.

doing shit like this isn't normal nor healthy, it's either a sign of going severe into the alt right pipeline and/or severe mental health issues that are going unchecked bc those are absolutely not mutually exclusive.

even the "keeping a flashlight nearby" thing is stupid in the sense that I DO THAT. BECAUSE WE FREQUENTLY GET POWER OUTAGES HERE ???????????????? what's it going to do if there is an intruder are you going to shine it in their fuckin face. what, can't see them thru your aesthetic lighting ?? what's the fuckin whistle going to do ... you've isolated yourself your home alone it's a WHISTLE. at the veyr least get a fucking weapon, HUH ?????????????

honestly I don't even know how coherent any of this is, it pisses me off a lot. I've done a lot of shit to try and feel "safe" and frankly it feels insulting especially given my minor agoraphobia too [ can't leave the house alone, i always need a friend or family w/ me ] especially the weird way this shit is made aesthetic. AGAIN. LIKE THE FUCKIN PURPLE LIGHTING IN THE VIDEO. AND ALSO THE SLEEK TECH.

the aesthetic-ification of that video is probably what REALLY gets me mad about it though.. like it really just makes it feel like an ad playing both on white peoples fears and mentally ill people.

blah blah my experiences aren't universal and my delusional paranoia isn't "that bad" compared to other ppls. whatever. i don't like it either way

[nasubeenwithcat]

𝙿𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚖 𝚘𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚖𝚊 𝙰𝚄 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜𝟹

⚠️warning inspired:Phantom of the Opera (by Gaston Leroux)/(by McMullan Kate), (by Arthur Lubin), (by Andrew Lloyd Webber) contents:blood, swearing, yandere discotrain, mental illness, mind control, death, serious bullying, machine translation

Let me make a few excuses. I said that the role of Raoul would not be in this story. Unfortunately, that hasn't changed… but Raoul and Christine's adorable childhood is one of my favorite scenes, and I was wondering if there was any way to describe it. I was also a bit worried about the describe of Metro. I have a favorite fairy tale about cats, and I wanted to tell that story, too.(and...Train Rush in space??)

So the Empress and Grooves are friends. Please don't get me wrong, there is no romantic interest between them!The trigger? Well……I'll talk about it when I think of it.

🎬The restaurant setting was inspired by Kenji Miyazawa's "The Restaurant of Many Orders" and "Night on the Galactic Railroad"(or "the Night of the Milkey Way Train". Many English translations exist for this title. I honestly don't know which name to call it. I'm sorry but I will decide by next time.) However, you do not need to know the story as we just borrowed the concept. Cats do not eat customers, and the destination of the Galactic Railroad is the moon.

🎬Two years after the Empress purchased the property from Grooves, she and her friend built a restaurant. The name? …… Let's call it Lapis Lazuli. It comes from the full starry sky visible from the moon.

🎬The restaurant is thriving. Even though there is quite a lot of seating, there is never a noticeable empty seat. So the kitchen is always very busy.

🎬The head cook is Cherry, Cooking Cat. Before building the restaurant, she had been the head cook in a hotel run by the mafia, but she was bored with her job because she only cooked the same dishes every day. Then she received an offer from the Empress and decided to have her own restaurant.

🎬There are many cats in the kitchen besides her. Some of them were originally prefects of the Empress.

🎬The restaurant has a stage. At the center of it is a piano, where you can enjoy your food while listening to the wonderful jazz music played by a moon penguin, the performing staff.

🎬Why did the Empress decide to open a restaurant? What happened to her jewelry store? That' s simple…Metro got rid of Nyakuza.

🎬This was after she had acquired the land of the moon. The Owl Express conductor went missing and the train could no longer operate. The troubled owls decided to use the metro to commute to work until the express resumes service.

🎬Taking advantage of this trend, a project to renew the Metro was launched. The officials set out to improve public safety so that the owls could use the metro in peace.

🎬As a result, the Empress had to give up her beloved jewelry store in exchange for a large sum of money unilaterally given to her.

🎬She is no longer Nyakuza. She had to give up all the stores she had owned and operated. All she was left with was unsold jewelry, a lot of money, a few prefects, and a land on the moon.

🎬Failure was no longer an option for her. She had to succeed in her new business and revive the Nyakuza at any cost.

🎬She immediately contacted Cooking Cat and suggested the restaurant business to her.

🎬There must have been many difficulties before opening the restaurant. In fact, The cats had to improve their culinary skills and it took months of menu development by Cooking Cat.

🎬There were probably significant cultural differences between what the cats liked and what the moon penguins preferred. The atmosphere of service, the wording, the flavors, the gestures, the etiquette, etc. To adapt to their culture, the Empress checked the restaurants and boutiques of the moon every day and also listened to trendy music.

🎬Making connections was probably the hardest part. Anyway, she needed to make a lot of moon penguin friends, besides Grooves. In the process, she found a moon penguin who played the piano wonderfully well and invited him to join the performance staff at the restaurant.

🎬Now, why did Grooves give away the land? Last time I mentioned that his mailbox was filled with lots of fan letters and bug eggs.

🎬About a month after he won the Bird Actor Award, strange, monstrous letters began arriving at him daily. The carefully sealed, plain white letters had several small, white, round objects on them. The contents of the letters made nonsense, and Grooves didn't even know what the round things were. So sometimes he would throw them away right away, and sometimes he would just leave them on the table with the newspaper.

🎬The eggs peeled off from the letter on the table, fell into a crevice in the floor, and hatched. The eggs from the letter he threw away also hatched in the trash. They ate the wood of the house and multiplied rapidly.

🎬It was two weeks later that Grooves realized this. He had no choice. He was busy with work at the time and didn't get home much. He finally learned of the bugs when he opened his favorite book before bedtime and found black bugs squashed in places. Confused, he bought some insecticide and sprayed the chemicals all over the house. That should have killed most of the bugs, but it did not restore the gnawed wood or the stained books.

🎬A week later, something even worse happened. The doorbell rang and Grooves opened the front door. There was "the director". Grooves was surprised to see, and quickly turned away from the awkwardness …… to find him holding a knife in his right fin.

🎬Grooves reflexively closed the door, locked it, and barricaded himself in. When he opened his upstairs window to call the police, he saw him running back, so he gave up on the call. Because there was no evidence.

🎬Naturally, Grooves had a hard time calming down. He wanted someone to share this fear with him and tell him it would be okay. So he decided to contact his best friend.

🎬The Empress was worried when her best friend told her that his house was in shambles and that he had just been almost killed. Neither of them had expected this to happen the last time they had seen each other and played together after a long time when he had won an award. The Empress decided to cut out of work and stay with her best friend for a little while.

🎬They talked it over and Grooves decided to take a year off and leave his hometown. Obviously, he was tired of acting like a star. So what about his house? The Empress offered him a deal. She wanted him to forget about all this and enjoy his vacation.

🎬The Empress got the land …… but three months later she was kicked out of the metro.

🎬Grooves looked quite well when he visited her there after hearing that she had built a restaurant. After enjoying some food and chat, he revealed that he was interested in a new challenge. …making movie as the director.

🎬Of course, he loves acting. But after some time back at work, he wanted to make a film from scratch.

🎬They would meet at this restaurant every two months. Grooves seemed to really enjoy it. But on the other fin, he seemed to be concerned that the film was not getting good reviews. He was disappointed that people didn't understand his taste and that he couldn't reward his crews' hard work with anything other than a paycheck …… Until he met Phantom.

🎬Subsequently, Grooves' visits to the restaurant became less frequent. But the Empress was not worried that he was not showing up at the restaurant; in fact, she was pleased. She knew that his latest movie was a hit. He must be so busy that he doesn't even have time to come to the moon……. She missed him, but more than that, she was happy for her best friend's newfound success.

🎬He visited the restaurant twice, at great intervals, and each time she sensed something different about him. As if he were exclusive and secretive… had he been like this before? Perhaps this is the kind of charisma that a real star has?

🎬After Grooves won the award, the Empress noticed that he had definitively changed. A moonstone engagement ring adorned his chest.

🎬What would she think of his change? Raoul was deeply in love with Christine so he was terribly angry when he saw her ring. Then what about the Empress? Since they were friends, it seemed the best way to congratulate him on his engagement. But on the other hand, she couldn't forget the eerie vibe she had been getting from him lately. Could she really congratulate him?

🎬Metro's renewal has been completed successfully. Stations have been added and new lines established. One of them is the Galactic Railroad(the Milkey Way Train), which connects this planet to the moon.

🎬For those owls who missed the Owl Express, officials forcibly bought it. After remaking it, they put it into operation as the Galactic Railway. You can board the train by going to the spaceport.

🎬As a result, increase traffic between the moon and this planet, and cultural exchanges between moon penguins and owls began to flourish. And jazz and movies began to catch on in the bird city. This may have been one of the reasons for the success of Grooves' third film.

///

🎬Hatkid is a detective. She is very good at observing and making friends, but not so good at deducing. Despite this, she is a detective and has solved a variety of difficult cases.

🎬Why? Because she has a magical prop. When you fix a time lift, you get a storybook, right? She could create a time lift for a subject simply by holding that little loupe over the subject. She gets the clues to solve the case from the storybook and timerifts. But they are far more suggestive and puzzling than anything we know, forcibly produced. Some pages are blurred, others torn and torn apart.

🎬Of course, the loupe remains too useful. Secrets that a subject does not want to be known will try to escape the eyes of hat kid by tearing or burning.

🎬By the way, the Grooves' storybook is very difficult to understand. Perhaps the pages are disjointed and bound incorrectly. You have to collect several other storybooks to read them correctly. This may mean that his memory is wrong. Or it could mean that he has a secret that he wants to hide at all costs…… about his angel.

🎬Secondly, she is good at making people love her. A private investigator cannot solve a case if people do not like her, no matter how smart she is. This is because private investigators do not have strong investigative powers, so they need as many people as possible to help them with their investigations.

🎬In other words, despite the fact that she is not very good at deductive reasoning, she has been able to solve cases thanks to her immense popularity and her handy loupe.

🎬For her, the first request was very easy. It was easy to gather information from birds that knew Phantom well.

🎬Soon after she arrived in Bird City, she learned that there was an audition for the movie " Picture Perfect ". She immediately took her best picture and submitted her entry sheet for the lead role. Of course, she passed and made a spectacular debut as a superstar.

🎬This made her a celebrity among the birds and made her job easy.

🎬Why do they work on this planet instead of their home? Hatkid used to be an employee of a detective agency and Bowkid was a newspaper reporter. But both of them were dissatisfied with their bosses.

🎬One day they went on a space trip together. They love sightseeing. But an accident happens and their time pieces are scattered.

🎬They immediately went to collect the time pieces. They then collected about 10 of those pieces. At that point when electricity was restored to some extent, they could have contacted their supervisors and asked for help. But they left the company. They then became freelance and decided to tag team.

🎬Bowkid decided to write a novel based on the various cases Hatkid began solving as a detective. It was first published by a publishing house run by the mafia. As they found more time pieces and were able to send the data back home, her novels were published in her hometown as well.

🎬But they are not mystery novels for adults. Bowkid wrote them as juvenile liteature because the development of Hatkid's work was always easy to understand. The novels, which are easy to read and in which a pretty girl converts a cunning villain with brilliant deductions, became popular. The popularity meant that it became necessary to develop her stories into a series.

🎬Of course, in writing the novel, Bowkid adapts things quite a bit. Naturally, she only writes about very successful cases. In her novels, Hatkid is a huge star. She boldly confronts any evil and is always on the side of the weak. Her little readers only know the sparkling HatKid. When she meets them, HatKid does not want to disappoint them. Step by step, the real Hatkid began to play the Hatkid of her novels.

🎬She became better and better at acting. She even began to play the charisma of a real star. Perhaps that is one of the reasons she was able to play the lead role in Picture Perfect.

🎬Bowkid has regret it. Hatkid still doesn't play in front of Bowkid and shows her the real her, but maybe one day she won't. Besides, she can't write her own creation now that Hatkid's novels have become so popular. For both of their sakes they should break up the tag team and end her series. ...But will readers and publishers allow that?

note4

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I really wish people could see more than a foot in front of their own faces sometimes. The phrase, "The path to hell is paved with good intentions" is a reference to when you try to keep doing good things only for it to lead to something ultimately bad.

Sadly, right now, that's the bulk of what we are doing in the west. It's what we have been doing for the past 10-15 years. Though it also burns me up that more people can't think ahead. Like this:

So here's the thing, stuff like this is good as an idea. However, read that again. A GOOD IDEA. Idea is the key word there. In practice, however, not so much.

The thing is, I'll use the picture above to make the point.

If this were put into practice you would end up with several issues.

-The cleanup costs for fallen fruits would have to be added to city costs (Also risk of falling fruit to vehicles and passerby's)

-Any missed fruit will end up rotting (leading to)

-Doing this would increase pests in the area, including flies and maggots

-Doing this would also lead to more large animals around these areas which could be a danger to residents in the area. The danger would also be faced by the homeless. (both from the animals and the pests)

People always want results NOW while not realizing that having your results now can end VERY poorly. Like drug use. Sure it probably feels good but getting off the drugs physically messes up your body, which is when withdrawals happen. And it can kill you at any point. So to the people that are like, "Just let them have their drugs". How about no. Especially not with my Tax dollars.

That however is my point. And it's almost every single policy that the modern left screams about.

-Eat the rich (The people that actually pay most of the taxes in the US by a landslide contrary to popular belief.) A concept that is not only stupid but the only people that push it are often just people that are angry and jealous they don't have that kind of money.

-Minimum Wage should be living wage (The costs on everything would go up be a long shot. And this would not fix inflation. This would also take wage decisions out of the hands of employers. The result of this would be companies not promoting people, and only hiring people they can objectively see staying with them for extended periods of time. The true results is that this tends to end up in MASSIVE discrimination when it comes to hiring. This would also further enable to STUPID levels of entry into companies. Like "at least 5 years old with 20 years experience and a PhD in space aliens. I don't want more of that.

-Landlords are evil scum and housing is a human right (except it's not. And it never will be) My tax dollars are mine. And I should not be forced more than I already am, to give money to people that often don't want to work. And before I get the barrage of "THEY DON'T WANT TO BE HOMELESS HOW DARE YOU~", or any other version of that, let me be clear. There ARE people that are homeless due to mental illness. And those people SHOULD be taken care of to some degree. However, at that point, bring back Asylums. If you want state funded asylums I would not mind if some of my tax dollars went that direction. However, there ARE a lot of homeless that opt to be homeless. I know because I've talked to them. Some of them just don't want to be on the grid at all, and they make a killing off panhandling. Some can make 100's if not 1000's a day. Frankly it bothers me.

More so the case when you realize being a victim is profitable. Because almost nothing sells better than sympathy.

But all of these are things I see people preach about, and it frustrates me to no end. How is it you want fruit trees in cities when they can't even keep people from pooping in the streets? Places like SF even have POOP MAPS and an entire new agency created because of the poop problem. And you want to pay MORE in taxes for the CHANCE to eat fruit or feed the homeless? That thing your state already claims it's supposed to be doing. And has spent 100's of Millions on? Clearly that's working as planned. And then you want to house the homeless for free in homes that belong to other people? And you expect those homes to not fall into squalor? Who's going to do the repairs? Who's going to pay the person that building and property belong to? Not the state. Who's going to make sure the building doesn't just end up as another worn down crack den with windows busted out and plywood over the windows with no heating or cooling or running water because it's all been stripped for drug money? Not the state.

None of you think anything through. Ever. And it shows. It's quite literally, "Oh this sounds good so we should do this" but you never consider the consequences of what you want. None of you do. You think because something sounds good that it IS good. Rather than realize that what you want could well lead to a devastating result. And all because you, "just wanted to help". Believe me. Wanting to help is a good thing. Just not when that help is not thought out. It's like the analogy. "If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime". In other words, if you give a man a hand out you might help him in the short term. If you teach a man to make his own way in life, he won't need a handout. And he will learn to fend for himself.

Now a days however, we have a lazy class of sheltered morons who think that since food exists in stores and amazon has stuff on it's site that SOMEHOW we are beyond scarcity. We are not. And without capitalism you lose your AC. You lose power. You lose your special vegan foods that can only really exist in a thriving system. Meanwhile you whine about capitalism when the actual issue you have is with the government and it's over regulation of everything rather than the actual economic system. Most of you are entitled little shits who frankly should be shipped to china, stripped of your citizenship, and be prevented reentry. Go live your communist dreams in a country that will literally torture you or kill you for burning their flag.

I've gotten off topic a bit by my point remains. You all need to think for yourselves. And you need to think ahead. And when you do, remember we don't live in a perfect world. Get out of your BS utopia that doesn't exist, and use your brain. Actions, no matter what they are, have consequences. Like this guy, who did something I personally view as a net positive. Except the government decided, "Hey, you are stepping on our toes. How dare you try to solve an issue that makes us so much money. When will you realize the ruling class LIKES homeless people because homelessness is profitable. Solving it is not. So they never will. And no it's not a "Republicans don't care" thing because in states like Texas our homeless issue is MINIMAL. And is mostly taken care of by each individual city. And they tend to handle it rather well. Unlike NY, SF, and LA. Speaking of LA:

Now granted. Do I think this guys idea would have failed long term? Yes actually. Do I think he had good intentions? Also yes. Do I think he did more for these people than the city or state ever has? Also yes. Because he did this out of his own pocket. Even went so far as to rent a lot out for these tiny homes. But listen to the video. Listen to what the politician says. But I think this idea at least is better than giving homeless of all kinds carte blanch to someone else's property. And they are super small, so they'd be easy to repair on your own after a day of pan handling. Does it solve the issue? No. Is it more than LA has done for it's homeless in decades? Also yes.

[brokentoys]

Speaking of the good comics, which ones are those or what ones do you recommend?

Okie! ✌️ I'll list my absolute favorite ones!

Batman Chronicles #3 (1995) / Riddle of the Jinxed Sphinx.

This one is actually a mini-story in a comic filled with three mini stories. (The other two being about Zsasz, and Croc) - but that doesn't matter. Despite it being a short story, you get a good look in Ed's head. This is actually a take on the "Eddie tries to give up leaving riddles behind". Which there's been at least three of those I can recall. Most people know of the one based on the Animated Series / New Adventures of Batman & Robin. And while that one's good. This one's the best because it focuses on Riddler more rather than Batman and Robin trying to figure out if Eddie's actually giving up riddles or not. It's also more realistic to OCD compared to the other one(s) which does it in a sillier manner. I'd go into depth as to why, but I don't wanna spoil anything.

That being said...

Batman Gotham Adventures #11 (1999) / The Oldest One in the Book!

Even though, imo, it's not as good as above, I still recommend reading it regardless! It has a very emotional ending, and it still has some characterization points I like. (Dealing with Ed's shame regarding his mental illnesses). Which is funny, given that I actually dislike most of the Gotham Adventure comics with Eddie because they also watered down his character to be a money grubby thief and nothing more. (When that goes against everything about Animated Series Eddie from the beginning - who didn't care about money / tried to kill a greedy CEO)

Batman #23.2 (2013) / Solitaire

May be my FAVORITE Eddie comic. Maybe. Also you'll notice it's one of the few recent / post New 52 comics I'll add to this list. It's such a satisfying read.

DC Strange Love Adventures (2022) / Dinner for Two

EDDIE IS CANONICALLY BISEXUAL HELL YEAH. A short story in a comic with many short comics (most of them are Movie Baits) but this one is so so so so fucking good. Probably the best Riddler comic in the last nine years or so (at its time). Which is sad. But it's a comic that truly understands what a lonely person Eddie is. Which I wish more comics would acknowledge that. Amazing read. It's the last one in the book, though.

BATMAN #608-619 (2002) / HUSH

If you read this one expecting Riddler - just know you won't see much of him. But by god, the moments you DO see him? Totally worth it. Jeph gave a new concept for Riddler, and how he could be a WONDERFUL villain. Unfortunately DC discarded all of this.

Batman Confidential #26, #27, #28 (2009)

A Batman and Riddler team up comic! Although there are parts I've felt were contrived, this is a VERY enjoyable one that's three parts. Eddie and Bruce's dynamic is just so fun and hilarious (in a good way!) And Eddie's characterization is also entertaining as hell. It helps show how Bruce and Eddie can help each other, too.

The Brave and the Bold #183 (1982) / The Death of Batman

ANOTHER Batman and Riddler team up comic, though older! This one's also a blast just because, again, Eddie and Bruce's dynamic is so entertaining. But Bruce's patience seems to be much thinner in this one, because he snaps at Riddler A LOT. They also share some pretty hilarious back and forths.

Detective Comics Annual #8 (1995) / Questions Multiple The Mystery

In this one, Eddie finally opens up to an Arkham psychiatrist, and tells his story. Whilst this one, unfortunately, goes with the "Eddie is a cheat and cheated in school" concept - the rest of it makes up for that. I also feel it has some good depictions of his psychosis. May even been the first comic to show him struggling with psychosis? But I can't quite remember that.

Gotham City Sirens #3 (2010)

About a reformed Eddie. And man, he just has some good development in this is all.

Gotham City Sirens #9 and #10 (2010)

This one has many reasons why I love it - like how I love most of these, it's another comic that gets deep into his psychology. And for once, depicts Eddie as beating himself up / talking down on himself rather than the generic "I'm THE GREATEST PERSON ALIVE-" I guess what I'm saying it also feels like a more realistic depiction of NPD.

HONORARY MENTIONS

BATMAN ZERO YEAR (2013) ... YEAH THIS ALSO WENT ON FOR LIKE 12 FUCKING ISSUES

I didn't love this comic. And frankly, it was definitely dragged out waaaay longer than it needed to be. That's because they literally wanted this to go on for a year (as comics release monthly) But imo, it took way too long to start and takes many issues in before it gets actually interesting. But I bother to mention it here just because it's one of the very, very, very few events where Eddie's the main antagonist. (Other than the War of Jokes and Riddles - but you'll never see me recommending a Tom King book) So props to him. And it still has some fine moments.

Batman Legends of the Dark Knight #185-189 (2005) / Riddle Me That

EMO PLASTIC SURGERY RIDDLER. MY BELOATHED. I literally have a love/hate relationship with this one. Riddler's design, and his characterization was just... okay???? And it's way longer than it should be. This was an attempt to rebrand the character to Appeal to the Modern Kids - and kinda spat on Eddie's old design, plus everything Jeph Loeb did with Hush. Which all failed. However, there are still some things I really enjoy in this comic. For one, it MIGHT be the first to retcon the "Eddie's a cheat / Eddie cheated in school" and instead changed it to that he was a victim of gaslighting by jealous parents. I would say it may be the first time Eddie was depicted as an abuse victim - but I don't know if it's credited to this comic, as it seems like that's just an idea DC must've had in general. As Alex Ross' Justice also mentioned him being beaten by his father for "cheating/lying," and Batman 2004 cartoon also depicted Eddie with a bad father (though the abuse was watered down due to being a kid's show) so it seems like that's just something DC told everyone they were doing with Ed's character or something. Anyway, despite having several glaring issues - there are still moments I love in this comic, regardless. Read it with caution, I guess.

JUSTICE #2 (2005)

While part of a short series, I've only ever read this one. It's an enjoyable one! Ed's intelligence is also credited in this one. However, I like it for it also mentions the abuse Eddie went through. It's also where I got my URL from.

Catwoman: Lonely City (2022)

A Catwoman comic? Why? Because Eddie's drug abuse is mentioned (also since it's a future, it's revealed he got clean <3) and he also fucks Catwoman. What more could you want?

There are more I could recommend. But these are, imo, the very best ones. Of course, I will also recommend watching the Animated Series (he was only in three eps </3) as well as checking him out in Arkham City and Arkham Origins - as those are my fav Eddies in those games.

[salamanderinspace]

I watched the first two seasons of House M.D.. Processing thoughts.

I used to watch them over and over when I was about 18, or 19. Those were the DVD days--no streaming yet, cable cost money, and I was living on my own and paying my own bills. So I watched the DVDs over and over, especially the middle episodes of the second season like "All In" and the Christmas one with the Munchausen's patient. And the one where Cameron does meth.

I'm trying to figure out my feelings about the show, as an adult. It's been awhile. I went through such a feminist journey in my 20s that I probably couldn't have stood to identify with a protagonist like Greg House. As a teen I used to think the things he says - especially the racist and chauvinist remarks - were just for shock value. By keeping conversations off script you can make people share things they otherwise wouldn't and save a lot of time, which is important if you're in pain. Pain causes impatience as well as irritability. I used to see House as a perfect representation of someone in pain.

That's before I even understood my experience as one of chronic pain. The way I grew up, the "walk it off" and "I'll give you something to cry about" sort of way, I had no idea I was experiencing physical pain even when it was severe. I'd completely sublimate it. I thought maybe House was like that. And he reminded me of my father, who I think was always in pain, whether he knew it or not. Genetic condition and all. He used to sublux his hips, but neither I nor him knew what that was or ever talked about it. It was just normal. A way of walking.

Anyway. It seems like the show is proposing that House has always said inappropriate or hostile things, even before his leg hurt. I'm trying to be listening more to the story that's being told and less to the version of one that made sense to me. It's a story of a guy who pushes people away. This is usually played as a sign of immaturity, because I guess 13 year old boys are scared to get close to anyone--but in my experience it's also a sign of maturity, to know yourself well enough to know that you'll be happier with people at arm's length. So--does the character believe in stereotypes about women and black people, or does he just say things that will make people leave? I don't know. I think we're seeing a character written by a couple different writers who each have subtly different takes about who House is and what he wants. That's evident at the end of the season, in "No Reason," when it seems like the writers are thinking out loud about how to grow a character like that. Where does he go from here?

The show tries to be progressive, often. Sometimes it fails. In the early 2000s it was disruptive to really harmful mythologies about fatness and queerness and mental illness and a dozen other things, mythologies which were believed as fact back then. Basically it's a show with empathy and progressive goals and storytelling, but with a coarse protagonist who is (IMO) a straight white man that's kind of an asshole. He says he doesn't vote. He's not a perfect hero. But he's believable. And he's likable. People who think fast and quip and always have an answer for things are always likable, somehow. Even when they're bullies. The bullying is actually what makes them likable. It's why I watch a lot of video essays I disagree with by leftists whose main passion is dunking on people / art they don't like. Some people are built to bully. It's like watching a dancer dance.

House and Wilson have such a hostile relationship in these first two seasons that they barely read as friends to me. Maybe that's the teenage boy version of intimacy. I can see that. Some of their arguing is expositional, though, as they're drafted into the writer's needs to convey two conflicting viewpoints about a problem. Neither one is always right. That's another interesting blip inbetween the character and the show--House believes in right and wrong, but the show believes in complexity and ambiguity.

Some of the episodes feel more formulaic and contrived than they used to when I was a kid. Everything is contrived to make House seem clever and smart and right. He's a good diagnostician. He has a calling. It drives him; he enjoys the mystery. This doesn't erase what harm he does by failing to connect with humans. It doesn't outweigh it, somehow--it doesn't have to. You have to start from a position that nobody owes the world anything, nobody owes the people around them any particular type of caution… we can owe each other kindness and respect but express that in a myriad of ways. House does it by being honest and dark and making that open space for pain. Wilson sometimes does the same thing when he talks to House.

The thing is, you relate to House as an 18 year old with bad social skills, and then you grow up and see that the writers mean for him to have great social skills. He actually knows exactly what he's doing. It's like a super power. He just doesn't feel warm and fuzzy about other humans the way most humans do. And that's relatable too, because nobody feels warm and fuzzy all the time, even where they're supposed to. Sometimes somebody thanks you and you feel nothing. Sometimes people are scared of you and they should be.

I haven't rewatched the later seasons as much so I'll check in after watching on.

[silver-blooded-synthetics]

@curseofmoons asked:

Negative character traits? Mental illnesses? Regrets? Something they’re in denial about? Someone or something they’ve had to leave behind or give up. Worst thing they’ve had to do to survive? Harshest thing anyone has ever said to them? How often do they swear? Have ever killed someone? If so, would they kill again? (For Alma and Errol)

Negative character traits?

Alma: He's naive and socially challenged

Errol: He's manipulative and could even be considered sadistic to a degree.

Mental illnesses?

Alma: Alma has autism in his human verse(s), which is less of an illness and more of a difference in experiencing the world that makes life difficult for him sometimes because others don't understand, but still worth noting.

Errol: Errol is clinically a low empathy psychopath.

Regrets?

Alma: Depending on verse, but since you and I usually do human verse for him, he regrets not fighting back or running before his father abducted him. By the time he realized something was wrong it was too late, and he wishes he would have seen the warning signs sooner.

Errol: Again, dependent on verse, but I'll do human verse here. He rarely has remorse for anything, but his regrets are usually small and selfish things. Like not using the right method to woo someone because he miscalculated when reading their responses and personality. He doesn't regret the big things, like burning his parents house to the ground. He feels absolutely no remorse for things like that.

Something they're in denial about?

Alma: He's in denial that his little sister is growing up and is capable of making her own choices and living her life the way she wants to. He still sees Arda as an innocent little girl because he's so overprotective of her. He needs to accept that she isn't a child anymore and can take care of herself. She doesn't need to be sheltered by him.

Errol: Oh, he's in denial about a lot of things. It's his coping mechanism to just pretend the things he doesn't like don't exist. The big one is his psychopathy though. He despises admitting that he has the diagnosis (in human au) and pretends like he's just like everyone else because deep down he's terrified of what he could be capable of with it. He doesn't want anyone to know he's a psychopath, so he has pretended so well not to be that sometimes even he forgets.

Someone or something they've had to leave behind or give up?

Alma: Alma had to give up on having a family that loved him and was stable. He always wanted one growing up, but in the end, Arda was the only one he could rely on. His brother was always distant and didn't care, his mother was equally distant and struggled to express any sort of love or affection, and his father was just chucked full of problems. In the end he gave up on ever having a functional family.

Errol: Errol has left behind a life of stability and luxuries such as a permanent home and many belongings in favor of being a bit of a nomad. His 'work' is dangerous and requires him to move around a lot, so he's learned to travel light with only a few personal items that he keeps. Everything else is left behind with each time he moves, which is every few months usually.

Worst thing they've had to do to survive?

Alma: Although he had to enure a lot to survive, he never had to do anything specifically bad to survive. Nothing that would compromise his morals anyways. (At least not yet.)

Errol: After burning his adoptive family's home to the ground (in human au), Errol stole all their money and ran. He's since become a hacker and a sex worker to earn money. He doesn't have any qualms about stealing electronically from people, especially the rich, and some would find his sex work to be morally wrong. He doesn't see anything wrong with it personally, but some would say it's bad. Errol would do anything to survive, even if it meant doing horrible things, and he wouldn't regret it or apologize for it.

Harshest thing anyone has ever said to them?

Alma: In his main verse, Alma has been told by his creators, both of them, that he is not a person. That he's less than human. But in his human verse, his father also told him that he doesn't matter, that his only worth is in what he can do for him, and if he won't obey, then he's useless and better off dead.

Errol: His sister has called him a monster countless times, telling him that he is crazy and deranged and fucked up in the head and a menace to society and a horrible person in general. She's said a lot of foul things to him and about him. That he can never care about anyone and is incapable of love, so how could anyone ever truly love him?

How often do they swear?

Alma: He very rarely swears, if at all. The only time he does is if there is something truly wrong and he's extremely upset, or if he's drunk, which is also extremely rare.

Errol: Oh, he'll swear left and right, no problem. He has no qualms about profanity and certainly wouldn't clutch his pearls at it like Alma does.

Have they ever killed someone? If so, would they kill again?

Alma: No, he's never killed anyone. I do think that he is capable of killing though, if he thought it was necessary to protect someone. Though, it would devastate him to do so. However, there's also the possibility that if he's corrupted enough he would be swayed to kill someone out of anger, but it would take a lot of time to get him to that point. It's not in his nature, he would have to be corrupted.

Errol: Yes, he's killed and he would do it again in a heartbeat if it benefited him in any way. He knows how to cover his tracks as well. He's not stupid. He doesn't kill needlessly, only if he feels he can get away with it and it's someone that deserves it. However, his definition of someone that deserves it may be different than some other's.

[ina-nis]

"I know people who are much "worse" than me who have a support system and people they can trust and who are close with."

Oh, no. This was the golden ticket for me. "If I just had these, I could heal." That sucks. But I guess it's better to have that support and trust and deal with AvPD, than not?

If you have that support and trust, you'll likely not deal with AvPD so badly anymore. At least I feel like that was the case for me.

When I had a safe person who I trusted, and was supported by them. I achieved remission from most my symptoms. It didn't last long but I got a "taste" of how my life would look like with social stability.

The people who are "worse" off, that I was talking about, are some relatives of mine and, ironically, some of the ones who caused my trauma and made me who I am today. They're severely mentally ill, full of issues and yet they have a close-knit community of friends and acquaintances, marriage and kids. They have support and trust. They have people who love them unconditionally even though they're so sick (I even suspect the sickness is the reason why they have that support in the first place).

That's probably why I'm so adamant on not giving up.

If these people could get something like that, why can't I? Even more when I put a ton of work on being a good person and trying to manage my illnesses for me and for others too.

I was told this was a generational thing and, yes I can see that: older people are more likely to be bound to social norms and put up with absolutely horrendous dysfunctional relationships, whereas people my age and younger don't really bother (so this is why you see a lot of people not getting into relationships altogether, a lot of people opting in for singlehood, a lot of queer people coming out as aspec [asexual and/or aromantic], a lot of people not really willing to spend energy or money on relationships, etc).

In the end, I guess no matter how much work I put on myself, I'm stuck in a society that prioritizes individuality over community, where people have to compete with each other and where romantic relationships are seem as a nuisance/waste of time so... I feel like even if I work on "fixing" my own issues a lot, I'll have to face a reality that is incompatible for me.

Of course, this is all a big generalization, but it helps me gauge what I can and cannot do, in a way.

[helleborerain]

Br0ken Hearts Oc: Maeve

(I'm not sure if this will get taken down because of nudity, but it's not sexual so who knows. I'll repost without the body reference if it does!)

Character Info:

Name: Maeve Viotto

Color: Burgundy

Age: 26

Height: 160cm (Around 5'2)

Gender: Female (She/Her)

Sexuality: Pansexual (Demiromantic)

Horoscope: Sagittarius (December 14th) 

Personality: Creative, Detailed, Friendly but Distant, Nonchalant Frugal and Petty 

Ability: Body Art Empathy: Her tattoos and piercings convey her emotions. (Bloody/Violent tattoos mean she's angry, distorted show confusion/mental illness, etc)

Likes: Tattooing, Playing guitar, Plushies, Football (soccer), Video games.

Dislikes: About 90% of her family, Honey, Really hot weather, spending a lot of money

Work: Convenience store employee. Underground tattoo artist.

Voice Claim: Erica Lindbeck- Loona (Helluva Boss)

Favorite animal: Sharks

Favorite food and drink: Strawberry Crepes and Sweet Iced Teas

Kink: Bondage, Breeding, Biting/Scratching, Brat Taming, Overstimulation, Praise and Degradation, Choking and minor Pet Play. (Switch)

Backstory:

Maeve grew up in a military-styled house along with a twin brother (Tate) and a sick younger sibling (Ashton). They moved frequently as Maeve's father usually was stationed in different locations. 

Her family made it clear her brother was the favorite child and Maeve was not since Tate was planned and Maeve was not. Tate grew up entitled to everything. If Tate wanted something, she went without. If she complained or refused to help she would be gaslight or yelled at.

As she got older, she still contruibes towards Ashton's medical needs or the family if they were short. She turned to art as a coping mechanism for the neglect, which turned into self-tattooing for physical release and self-expression.

When the twins grew into adults, her father was discharged from the military. Tate was supposed to go into the military, but he 'accidentally' got his then partner pregnant. Maeve at the time was in college for business. But her family kicked Maeve out of the house and cut her off financially her brother could expand his family into her area, even if she promised to make more money. Once her family cut her off, she grew into a deep depression. Missing too many days of classes got her kicked out of school so she moved where she could afford too.

Extra:

Maeve's tattoos herself. All of her tattoos have been created and inked by her. 

She would like to own her own legitimate tattoo parlor one day. For now she tattoos in her apartment

She is pretty frugal. She likes shopping, but feels guilty or stressed with buying unnecessary things for herself.

She refuses to talk to her family unless it's about anything wrong with Ashton. She still tries to help them when she can.

Usually when they are in her life though it's to demand her for money or try and exploit her.

Tate is the worst, and will antagonize her to the point it becomes physical every time they meet.

Maeve is a guitarist. Once in a while she'll play in a band.

Maeve is the type of person that is friendly and has many good acquaintances but doesn't have too many friends.

She doesn’t talk about herself. She will keep her own personal matters short and vague before changing the subject  She will harshly tell the person off if they keep persisting.

She has had petty arguments with Ramsus which she finds amusing…only when she wins though. (I obviously ship them the most)

She keeps her tattoos and medusa piercing covered at work since her tattoos can give away her emotions. (Imagine being mad at a customer and your tattoos portray a violent tendency…she'd probably be fired lol)

Sex and love to her are very different. She is willing to have mostly one-night-stands. That is the only time she expects to see them. She is very hesitant to get into a relationship and needs a deeper connection, and will most likey ghost the person when morning comes.

Most of this stems for that she isn’t willing to jump through hoops to prove something that is probably conditional.

[kagejima]

So far she was the best 😭😭 sad but I had worse, like at least she validates my feelings. I had other therapist give me example of kids who are born without limbs or telling me that I'm young and pretty so I should live my life??? Like?? I was at the hospital too. I'll try and search for someone else. I also talk with my psychiatrist when I have appointments and she's understanding. Or at least she's doing a good job?? Idek at this point. I had some doctors that would focus on some things more than other. Like idk I have more than one mental illness 😭 so they said let's focus on depression for now, or this antidepressants work for your ocd too, while my current doctor paid attention to my ocd too. It's hard. I thought that once I go to doctors, I will find a cure quickly, but after years I'm met with the fact that mental illness it's so hard to treat. And sometimes you just have to learn how to manage it your whole life which sucks. :/

I wish I was at least born pretty 😭 literally everytime I get out of the house someone calls me ugly or makes a mean comment. It was horrible back in school. I was bullied so bad. And frankly I never liked the way I look, but they can just ignore me you know?? The men are the worst. They would go out of their way to let me know how ugly they think I am. And most of the times I wasn't even interacting with them??? I don't get it. It was hard seeing how they'd flirt with my friends but call me ugly. That made things awkward for my friends too.

Wish I had at least money lmao. I resent my parents for having kids. My whole family actually. Cause their parents pressured them into getting married and having kids yada yada cause that's what you're suppose to do? And they had 3 😭 :/ and now I'm fucked. And somehow it's still my fault for being unreasonable and mean?? All my life I felt guilty, I deserve to feel angry now.

Sorry for the long rant. I keep on saying the same thing to my therapist too but I still don't feel any better . And I'm getting old, I'll soon be 27 :(

:((( It sounds like you just have a shitty therapist right now. I hope that you can easily transition into one that's way better for you!! I'm glad that you have a good psychiatrist though and that your current doctor listens to you and is actively helping you in the meantime, those are very important as well!

And yeah, I get you about the men stuff 🥲🥲🥲 tbh, most men i know are trash anyways so i'm not surprised 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also please don't be so hard on yourself about your looks! 🥺🥺 I think being born pretty is very... it's a weird area. Some of the worst people I've ever known in my whole life - like just absolutely nasty people - were conventionally pretty, and I'm sure others here will agree with me they have met people like that as well.

I think loving yourself and your looks is a very long and hard journey, but I believe in you! Hell, I'm 31 and I'm still insecure about my face sometimes. When I finally cut my hair into the pixie it is now, I felt more like me than I had in my entire life, but there's still awful people going "Haha, you look like a 10 year old boy!!" BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?? fuck them. and fuck those people that say rude things to you!! i don't know if you know the song, but whenever i get down like that, i like to listen to kesha's "let 'em talk" until i feel better!!

[proftsutsu]

AU's have overtaken my brain so have this whole thought out concept idea part 1: void switch,I’ll put it all under cut because it’s quite long lol ^^;

so put it simply; i was thinkin about void sora and then it spiraled into a whole au. The first thing i thought of was the voids and that i didn't want any of them to be related to the original kill order (sorta) so i ended up with *drum roll* syobai, setsuka, sora, yuki, and teruya. I didn't think much about the reasons for them, just that theyre people sora could be close to. So with our voids revealed i'll give their au stories first and then the kill order!

Syobai being first, his backstories mostly the same he was abandoned by his parents and was living on the streets but he didn't get into the broker business here, instead he pretty much was barely getting by everyday and was hardly living properly until utsuro happened upon him one day and blessed him with divine luck. Awhile after that he began collecting stuff off the street to try and sell and miraculously he was able to! And even at a higher price, because of this syobai eventually was able to get by much better and make a small name for himself until a business couple flew in from Japan one day, noticed him, and took him back home with them where he grew up learning how to do proper business dealings. He joined void mostly out of fear that if he loses his luck he'll go back to having nothing and having to scrape by along with the fear that if he can’t do business anymore than he’ll be worthless to his adopted parents. So he's almost as smart as his canon counterpart but with no black market knowledge and while still kinda sassy (especially when threatened or pissed) and kinda sloppy he's pretty chill and actually socializes more with the group. Instead of the ultimate broker he'd call himself the ultimate business man.

Setsuka's story is also kinda similar to canon but quickly diverges, when she was little she got into a car accident that fucked up the side of her head and her eye, they got a regular surgeon/doctor to try and help her in this au though but unfortunately they really couldn't find a way to do the surgery without possibly killing her but still made the attempt, during the procedure utsuro by chance happened upon the hospital, for what reason's up to interpretation but him being there blessed setsuka and her procedure miraculously was a success! Her skull was okay, and she got a false eye too though because of the divine luck it became a constant void eye (kinda like kinjo's its just constantly like that i think) so just like in canon setsuka has to keep it closed, less she be called creepy or bullied. That aside setsuka and her family left the hospital, awhile ( right before the tragedy) after the family got into financial trouble, setsuka wanting to help her parents tried to find a way to get money fast, and luckily found and entered a billiards competition and with the few lessons from her dad and divine luck she won and got a big cash prize! after that she started entering them more up until the tragedy started, and some time after that she joined void so she could stay financially stable along with y'know, keeping herself alive because divine luck is literally what saved her life. I don't think there'd be too much of a difference personality wise except maybe her being a bit more cocky about being "ultimate billiards player" and family being a lot more emphasized being important to her, plus maybe her playing up being carefree a lot more.

Sora is a bit more complicated as I haven't thought of her backstory too well as i got too distracted thinking of everything else ^^; But what comes to mind is that sora was born (as her own human person) with a defect, whether it be a mental illness, a physical defect, or something else it caused her family to shun her and while they didn't completely abandon her yet, she grew up the first seven years of her life being neglected, ridiculed, and mistreated by her own family up until they finally decided to throw her out, she was then found on the street and sent to an orphanage and while treated better she was still neglected and no one seemed to want her until utsuro came to the orphanage, sora happened to be outside at the time and actually got to very briefly talk with utsuro before he suddenly left but he did end up directly blessing sora with divine luck and a few hours later a rich family came in and adopted her where she was given all the attention and love she desired. Eventually sora decided she wanted to explore the world and experience and meet all kinds of new people and places and so that's what she did up until the tragedy. She joins void both out of fear that if she loses divine luck she'll be neglected and ignored again and to find utsuro and talk to him once more so she can finally have answers about the mysterious kid that apparently blessed her so long ago. Sora in this au i imagine being kinda very more talkative, you'd actively see her talking with the other cast members of course keeping her flirtatious side (not too much though) and she’d be very curious about the things around her. She probably wouldn't take being ignored very well though. Since sora wouldn’t have amnesia or be an ai in this au, I imagine with her backstory in mind she’d be called the ultimate traveler.

Yuki's backstory is pretty much the same up until 6.5 which changes completely, Yuki's kidnapped, put in a coma/life support, killing game happens. Big difference though yuki wakes up and escapes wherever tf he was before showing up in 6.5 briefly! Unfortunately though he's only completely fine because of utsuro's divine luck, he eventually figures out what happened to him and while understandably pissed with utsuro gone his regained freedom will inevitably begin to fade and he'll die or possibly worse to him suddenly go back into a coma he won't ever wake from, so he tries to find a way to restore divine luck before meeting and joining the other voids which he does grow to like. In this au's 6.5, rei is tasked with investigating the group void and finds one of their (nearly) abandoned hangout spots being an abandoned building now filled with some monokuma's, they cleaned out the place mostly but theres a few things here and there that allude to the members of void like littered old cigarettes (syobai's), red heels (setsuka's), crumbled up diary pages (sora's), and of course notes like the ones found in 6.5. When rei's done investigating before she leaves she gets a glimpse of yuki looking out one of the buildings windows not seeming to have left like the others yet (he was spying on her almost the whole time btw) he runs off before rei can get close to him and escapes through an emergency exit. Yuki would still be considered ultimate lucky student in this au and his personality is overall the same except a bit more suspicious of others because of what happened to him.

Teruya, oh boy. So everything in dra stays the same and so does teruya’s personality, in fact literally nothing about teruya changes up until a few years after the killing game where the divine luck starts to ware off and both him and rei notice tsurugi getting very Ill and in pain due to divine luck being used to save him back in dra chapter 5. Dr. Ando gives kinjo prescriptions to help with the pain but that’s not enough in teruya’s eyes so he decides to look into it to help tsurugi, upon confirming kinjos pain is because of divine luck fading he looks for some way to regain it because if luck fading is causing kinjo pain not only is that hurting his friend but what about the fact utsuro allowed them to leave all that time ago? Will something happen to him and rei too? This of course leads to the start of teruya’s villain arc. All these worries inevitably leads to him coming to the conclusion utsuro needs to be resurrected and then reluctantly comes up with the resurrection killing game plan, teruya isn’t the smartest so he doesn’t think about death orders or similar motives nothing like that he just knows he needs ultimate level talented people and yuki (who the kisaragi foundation has been looking for). Finding the cast is easy but for yuki and the other voids he happened to find them by chance and since there related to utsuro he figured he’d have a better chance with the resurrection with them plus they have yuki which he desperately (thinks he) needs for this to work, now for the final task of finding a way to do the killing game without actually killing anyone, because of course this is still the teruya we know and love so far, he doesn’t want to ACTUALLY hurt anyone, so he’s stumped on this for awhile until he (now with some luck from the voids) finds the human mikado sannoji who is working on the stuff he was in the original chapter zero minus kg and utsuro related stuff with kokoro, of course most important of note being virtual simulation tech, which teruya now having discovered it existing desperately wants, he buys it from mikado with his own money but when mikado finds out what teruya’s going to use it for he’s very vocally against it and demands his tech back which leads to teruya knocking him out hard and throwing him in the sim with everyone else along with kokoro. Teruya goes mentally down hill from here. Also while I think teruya would have void eyes I think they’d lead more to representing his descent into madness than relating to utsuro or luck.

Okay void backstories done now for kg order and mini (hopefully) explanations!

Syobai kills iroha (aha the sad, sad irony) He kills her by a simple literal stab in the back and then frames it as a suicide by luring someone (maybe yuri or hajime for canon reference) to the bell tower and dropping iroha’s already dead body off from the top. He explains he went after her solely cause she was weak and therefore an easy target plus it’s been awhile and no one killed yet so. Plus he was convinced that since it’s just a sim it doesn’t matter too much right? His execution is being tied in a coffin getting coins and money thrown brutally at him before being buried alive.

Setsuka kills hibiki (I’m sorry it was just the only option in my eyes .-.) Awhile after the melody rhythm concert she talks to hibiki in her dorm and hibiki somehow manages to correctly guess setsuka as a void and tries to encourage setsuka to switch sides before saying if she doesn’t she’ll out her to the group herself and that leads to setsuka knocking her out and killing her by snapping her neck, she breaks some of hibiki’s bones and puts hibiki’s body in the freezer then dumps her in front of the second island shrine. Setsuka unlike syobai seems very openly guilty for what she did and briefly mentions hoping she can apologize to hibiki later. Setsuka’s execution is being stuffed in one of the black pockets you’d see on a pool table and inevitably being crushed by a giant billiards ball.

Oh boy chapter 3 here we go. So uh this chapter goes very different, sora in nikei’s place defects from void at this point and teams up with this Au’s nikei (who is just a happy yet mildly pessimistic journal boi) teruya finds out about this and sets up a plan to be rid of nikei which leads him to setting up and planning out this whole thing. Motive video’s still happen but also sets it up where he added a warning of “oh yeah there’s another traitor among you” which makes everyone suspicious as hell to one another which leads to yoruko having a fight with shinji and accidentally killing him in the garage in satsuki land, teruya leads nikei over there and with nikei being a nice boy and wanting yoruko to not die instantly helps her cover up everything by discreetly moving shinji’s body making him an accomplice. Post trial teruya modifies the rules so accomplices also get killed so both nikei and yoruko get executed (look guys nikei gets screwed over by rules, again!) Yoruko and nikei get executed by being put on a conveyer belt and crushed multiple times before their remains are mixed into a smoothie. So chapter 4,,So putting it simply sora is just done with the killing game and wants to end it so makes an elaborate plan to murder and get away with it. Since I noticed a pattern of killing the og voids in reverse I’ll just commit to that, she kills Emma. I’m not sure on how, maybe she slits her throat then amputates the body like kanade did with setsuka and places each part around the island during night time so they can’t figure out where she was killed originally. I’m not sure on it though, sora is really acting out from grief unlike canon nikei acting out of spite. That aside during the trial she is just going along with it waiting for them to vote wrong and her desperation to get it over with leads her to acting kind of suspicious but not enough to be deemed a suspect, everyone’s about to vote despite kokoro and kanade sensing something off until teruya also speaks up and points out how odd sora’s acting and with that sora gets defensive and they gotta try and get her to confess or something like that but she continues to deny involvement until teruyer pulls the “you aren’t that kind of person” with sora and she just breaks down. They vote for her and she confesses while in tears and of course she gets executed. Sora’s execution is being put on a stage and having her limbs stabbed by strings being put onto her and then she’s flung into the sky and lands in a aquarium exhibit where she’s eaten alive by a bunch of carnivorous sea creatures.

chapter 5 is as hell as the canon one…But with a twist! So teruya sets up a neat lil trick and makes yuki kill, I never really said who would take teruya’s place and idk if mikado really counts considering how he ended up in the game so to mix things up, ryutaro is there instead, he came with rei just like teruya did in og timeline. Since teruya in this au when they were going in the sim was mysteriously missing till they saw him in the prologue ryutaro went with her in his place and now he’s stuck in the sim and poor boy is in for it. So yuki kills ryutaro following teruya’s very specific instructions so it would like teruya did it and given how chapter 5 goes it does actually work, the majority voted wrong and will be mass executed and as bonus that rule teruya implemented back in chapter 3 makes it so teruya doesn’t get executed along with them. So everyone except the remaining voids are dragged away; kokoro is strapped to a electric chair, kanade dragged by Monocrow’s on a stage to be decapitated, yuri running through a maze avoiding monocrows dressed as aliens, hajime strapped to a wall as a machine with a bunch of boxer gloves prepared to beat him to death, and mikado being tied to a cartoony looking rocket blasting off into the sun. Of course just like canon this mass execution gets interrupted.

Now chapter zero is very different from before, it taking right after this au’s prologue, rei just found out teruya is running a killing game albeit virtual but still, and he’s kidnapped ryutaro (didn’t hurt him at all in the prologue he just literally took him from rei and then kicked her out) So she reluctantly tells Tsurugi this and he’s pretty understandably upset, like they literally went through a killing game together and now teruya is flat out masterminding one. Of course he’s got a job to do so he orders rei to find out about the participants and try to help out however possible while he groups a team up to deal with the possible aftermath in the outside world. There’s also a lil flashback of mikado and kokoro working on the virtual world while discussing the business deal with teruya.

And finally chapter 6! So it starts the same everyone awakens in the virtual world in older forms (idk how old exactly everyone would be in this au so up for interpretation there) they explore the virtual world and we get some exposition such as teruya buying the virtual tech from kokoro, monocrow being yuri’s but instead of being made to help humans they were really just to help yuri how to make ai and robots and teruya decided to take ‘em along with yuri since Monocrow really did already look like a mascot here, mikado explaining why he and kokoro are in the killing game, the dead participant’s files, the monitor room that shows fun stuff like syobai smoking, hibiki rehearsing for the concert, nikei and sora’s meeting, and the whole murder of ryutaro. No more exposition for awhile until the survivor group meet up with rei and tsurugi who are just in the sim already (no re entering happens here) who go on to explain teruya’s relation to the kisaragi foundation and vaguely the past killing game, everyone proceeds to the trial room where yuki is looking super dead inside and teruya very unhinged and the trial starts soon after. It goes kinda the same as canon trial 6 but rei and tsurugi are much more talkative and a bit snappy because well teruya betrayal. The graduate or repeat stuff happens, but instead of putting everyone in sadness/despair teruya literally just rigged it so it would act as graduate no matter what so everyone freaks out when he reveals that but quickly are silenced as they except for yuki, rei, tsurugi, and mikado are sent into ideal worlds. Kokoro’s is just hanging out with mikado, kanade getting to prep for her own concert, yuri getting to go outside and take a walk, and hajime hanging out with everyone. Of course they break out of it and just in time to see teruya awaiting utsuro to resurrect through the dead inside yuki but…it doesn’t happen as y’see no alter ego utsuro was made which teruya never thought about and as rei goes on to explain along with kokoro apparently akane is the wielder of divine luck now and they have no clue where she is, so teruya essentially set up the killing game for nothing and as mikado adds he and kokoro never got to finalize the virtual world so everyone may or may not be permanently dead which hits teruya even more making him realize all the stuff he’s done and how insane he became throughout the whole thing and he breaks down. Everyone slowly leaves the same and the kisaragi foundation decide to just leave teruya in the sim as repentance for his actions.

Epilogue! Midori is grieving ryutaro and minako tries to comfort her while keisuke seems to be getting worse out of grief, Dr ando is trying to treat yuki since he was left extremely traumatized and still suffering from lack of luck, kokoro and yuri joined the foundation and kokoro was quick to start contributing by giving tsurugi therapy, and kanade, hajime, and mikado are wondering about trying to figure out what to do with themselves. Now finally we leave with rei doing her job but still upset about everything that transpired contemplating if things could’ve been different, she goes out for a break but is quick to run into a mysterious women (akane) and boom the end.

And now bonus notes:

In this au kanade is not a serial killer or anything like that, she’s just in desperate need of therapy, she has a complex relationship with hibiki and when she dies she starts to realize that she shouldn’t have let hibiki treat her that way not just for her own health but it was clearly not helping hibiki grow as a person either. The reason she hardly stood up though is because kanade in this au deals with really bad intrusive thoughts and was afraid of accidentally lashing out and hurting Hibiki, her poor mental health is shown through her small outbursts in the trials.

Kokoro I don’t see being related to mikako in this au, she’s just a psychologist who got into virtual tech, though I’d like to think they’d get along decently if they met. Also while she is good at reading people kokoro wouldn’t be super good like her canon counterpart.

Speaking of, I imagine kokoro as the protag of this au with yuri and kanade as her supports, mikado occasionally will join in too but he’s a bit outcasted.

For the reason how yoruko was able to overpower and kill shinji, the yoruko in this au is stronger than she looks, girl has felt with many bar fights and moody customers so she’s grown into being a fighter.

Mikado in the sim is like the ai counterpart at least somewhat, having blonde hair and being pretty static and hardly emoting. This is simply because that’s how mikado was as a teen in this au, he was a lover of style and theatrics and wanted to stand out but he had a lot of trouble showing his emotions a lot if the time so he figured getting into theater and such would help him out if his shell, it did help and older he is much better at expressing his emotions. Though because he was hit pretty hard when getting knocked out and having his memories tampered with in the sim he ended up getting full blown amnesia only being able to remember his name until way later but even then mikado only ends up recovering some of his memories and leaves the sim kind of a mix of his teen and older self.

The og voids backstories aren’t as severe as they are in canon, hajime did have a illness but it was treatable and his parents didn’t abandon him, emma was treated as a kid servant but not really physically harmed too much, iroha was decent at drawing enough to not be treated as harshly but she was still heavily neglected and kind of spoiled by her family staff, and nikei not really having a canon backstory (yet) is obsessed with journalism trying to make a name for himself in the career but failing he still tries though up to awhile after the age he’s in in the sim where he accidentally kills someone and it spirals him into killing for scoops so he’s kinda the serial killer of the cast in kanade’s place.

What happens to teruya after the killing game is that sense he was pretty much imprisoned in the simulation he decides to put himself in the ideal world state to cope with everything, though it’s not really healthy and if he were to leave the sim after he’d just despair and snap even more.

Akane is in fact not brain dead in this au, she does recover from her injuries and leaves the hospital she was put in, she has a whiteish gradient to her hair now but otherwise it’s mostly still the same color and she hasn’t changed too much sense the first game though she is a bit out of it.

[altheterrible]

Ugh how do you recover from burnout when gas is $5/gallon and corporations are destroying the economy? When you're chronically ill, disabled, and always in pain your doctor won't do anything to fix? When you're chronically fatigued from your disabilities but still forced to spend 40 hours a week working a physically demanding, emotionally unfulfilling, low paying job with no ability to get anything better? When you're fighting with complex trauma you don't have the bandwidth to fix because so many other things are eating it up? How can I recover from burnout when I'm putting everything I have into keeping my head above water in this terrible world?

I'm miserable. I experience no joy in my life. I feel nothing. And it's not because of some magical chemical imbalance in my brain. It's because my life is objectively terrible. I have no money, I'm stressed about bills, I'm stressed about inflation, I'm stressed about rent. I'm in the process of declaring bankruptcy so it'll be 7 years before I can even rent my own apartment, let alone think about home ownership. I have multiple chronic illnesses including one that will almost certainly kill me. I have poorly controlled chronic pain that makes it hard to focus on anything except how much it hurts. I work in retail, where both customers and management treat me like expendable garbage, for which privilege I am paid $14/hr and taxed at 25%--and I have no energy left at the end of the day for anything I might find enjoyable. I never see my sister, I don't have the time or energy to hang out with friends, and most of the people I do interact with on a daily basis make it abundantly clear that my feelings aren't a priority for them.

So at the end of every day, I feel like I can't do it again, can't wake up and face another day like today. The idea of having to keep living every day while I feel so totally hollow and dead inside terrifies me. Looking ahead and seeing another day like this, over and over again forever, makes me want to die. I want to kill myself. I think about ways to do it. The only thing stopping me is funeral costs. I'm saving money so my sister can afford to have me cremated. Only $650 to go. With my wages, I'll have enough in roughly 80 years.

I can't deal with the misery. I've been self harming again, it's the only thing that takes the edge off how bad I feel. I thought I was past this, but really, why should I even bother trying not to cut when it's the only thing that helps? It's not like anything else is helping. And like, it doesn't matter at all that I've started again. To anyone. No one else cares, so why should I? That's the funny thing. Self harm is allegedly this serious mental health emergency, because it's such a dangerous coping mechanism--especially the way I do it, I routinely cut deeply enough to warrant stitches, though I haven't been getting them bc I can't afford to take the time off work to go to the psych ward for a week. Lol.

So yeah, self harm is supposed to be this serious sign that someone is suffering and needs help and people who are hurting themselves are usually offered support so they don't feel so overwhelmed that they resort to self harm.

Except when it's me cutting myself. Then no one gives a shit. Sam and John pretend they don't see it. My friends brush me off. Fuck, I told my therapist I was cutting again and she was like "you say you feel like it doesn't matter that you're cutting yourself, but it matters to me" but then she didn't like, do anything about it. She didn't ask why I was doing it, didn't talk about it further, and didn't provide me any kind of support so I didn't feel like I needed to keep cutting myself. So I'm going to keep doing what's helping. At least then I can get through the day.

Meds aren't the answer. I've tried meds. So many meds, and combinations of meds. Right now I'm on Adderall, Cymbalta, Latuda, and Seroquel. I still want to die. I still feel hollow and dead inside. I'm still dragging myself through every day and counting down the time until I can be asleep again. What's the answer? More antipsychotics? I'm already so exhausted I can barely function. More antidepressants? Tricyclics or MAOIs maybe, it's not like those have horrific side effects lol. Lithium? Anti seizure meds? Benzodiazepines?

The problem is that medication can't fix the fact the world is a garbage fire and I'm being burned alive in it. There is no medication that will fix capitalism. Psych medication won't make the customers at work treat me better, it won't increase my pay, it won't make my doctor listen to me about my pain. Psych medication won't help me find joy in the world because the world is a shit place.

I think the answer to the questions in my first paragraph is pretty clear: you don't recover from burnout under those circumstances. The circumstances have to change.

Something has to give, though, and I think it's going to be me.

[nathank77]

4/8/24

9:58 p.m edited at 10:33 p.m

I called corporate for Walmart to keep it less personal and they don't handle the resolutions or know what the verdict is. He made me go over the whole experience again and I explained I was terrified of calling the manager bc of the spotlight being on my ocd behavior. I said I'd call but I'm scared I'm going to be told I can't shop there and that I'm going to buy water in like a week and half and I don't want to be bothered.

I mentioned my experience with stop and shop and how I open the bags of chicken and how corporate was more than understanding and they talked to management and are okay with me doing it. I said that technically that's way worse as I am opening prepared food and stop and shop has no problem with it and are accepting and have mental illness awareness and that worse case I'll take my business to stop and shop and target as I spend hundreds at Walmart and I just want to buy my waters every two weeks without employees making me feel uncomfortable. As it gives me extreme anxiety.

Dan didn't sound nice or mean... he is the manager. The way he sounded it sounded totally possible that he was going to say that I can't open the water packages. Although it could go either way. I once again explained how that one employee has yelled at me multiple times and how the assistant manager practically laughed at me and he walked away from me mid sentence saying he doesn't care if I have a mental illness and not to shop there.

I said he had no place in management and the other employee harasses me. I explained that I could easily take my business to stop and shop and target.

Being how intense stop and shop is about stealing, I will have to call inadvance before i start doing it and let them know I open the packs cause once they see a customer open a pack of water there is no doubt they'll send LP at me. However I'm sure they'll be okay with it as long as I don't leave damaged products but I'll spend a lot more money on water....

But yea I got Dan's schedule from corporate and when I'm ready I'll call. They said they documented this phone call and that it is weighed in the case. So I am hopeful if Dan was planning to send me away that this could sway their decision making as the last employee I talked to was eating chips loudly the whole conversation and I felt he didn't really take down the information in detail.

Either way I'm scared. I actually looked up how to get involuntarily committed cause this is what it does to you having a mental illness and having odd behaviors. After being locked away in the psych ward I am terrified that all I got to do is one wrong thing and I'll end up medicated/sedated as a zombie with no ability to chose what I do with my life from when I wipe my ass to when I go to bed.

Appearantly to be involuntarily committed you have to be a danger to yourself or others. As long as I don't take a knife and try to cut myself or threaten people or throw chairs I'm good on that account.... and obv none of that would happen...

The last thing is if the person is deemed gravely ill aka you can't take care of yourself. I buy waters, tooth paste, mouth wash, supplements, deodorant, cheese, bread, allergy meds, pepto, etc all on my Walmart account.

So worse case if I don't call Dan they can have the cops remove me but as long as I act normal they can't commit me. Cause I am not gravely ill and I won't start throwing things or yelling or anything... crying isn't off the table but I'll bite my tongue bc of that...

I'm so sick of my ocd putting a spotlight on me. I'm thankful for hippa though and neither Mike nor Erin or my mother or sister would sign off on me needing to be committed.

I wouldn't put it past my father and step mother. My father pulled me aside last time I went there and was like, you should go to a respite bc of your mother it's not a healthy environment...

Next time I talk to him I'm going to talk to him about it and explain if I were to go to a, "respite" with husky. I would be drugged and have no choice over what drugs go in my body. I'd have all my autonomy taken away. I wouldn't even be able to chose my bed time or if I get my testosterone shot..

Respites are for rich people. And even there I believe as a voluntarily committed person, you lose the ability to pick your drugs. You still lose your autonomy and beyond that my autonomy is very important to me. If I can't do what i want when I want to, even if I could choose my drugs, I wouldn't be in a safer or healthier environment. I mean they'd make me take sedatives hynoptics to treat my circadian rhythm disorder. I would absolutely end up on antipsychotics. I'd lose the ability to drive my car for christ sake. I'd lose everything.

A safe healthy environment for me is one where I can chose what I do to my body. What I eat, what drugs I take, where I go everyday, what I do everyday. I avoid my mother bc she's not healthy to be around.

I wish I didn't have to think about these things. I'm so scared of Walmart.

My dad makes me nervous cause he doesn't understand what being locked away really means for the committed. Padded rooms and court ordered drugs...

The people I talked to in the hearing voices groups said that even if you admit yourself voluntarily, if you didn't want to take a drug. They would actually send a judge to you and force you to bc they'd never let you out if you didn't comply...

I'm the definition of a productive, functional adult. I may not work but I buy expensive tooth pastes, I make my doctors appts, I'm proactive about my health, I buy myself boxers, socks, shoes, food, I cook for myself. I eat 4 meals a day, I'm on a diet. I shower daily. I brush my teeth twice a day. I floss every night. I scrap my tongue for christ sake.

I'm also scared of having my autonomy taken away from me. I didn't tell Walmart about psychosis, as anyone who doesn't know at this point doesn't need to know but this whole thing triggered this, can I be involuntarily committed. It triggered that conversation with my dad where he meant well but he doesn't see the big picture.

He said he couldn't force me to go, no one could... but I mean I worry constantly.

I need my autonomy. I need to lie about auditory hallucinations.

I'm thankful I only have 2 ocd compulsions that are odd behaviors at stores minus checking my car... it's just the chicken and the water. The chicken is done.

The water makes me feel like I'm going to get locked away. And when my dad said no one could lock me away, it made it seem like to me that they would if they could. And it scared me.

I'm constantly terrified I'll be taken away and be a sedated zombie.