#once again I am garbage at posting my videos on my socials

[oakwyrm]

Monster High's Gen 3 really surprised me in just how queer and disabled it really is.

[seeminglyseph]

Every now and then I get so used to people posting other people’s videos or people being so big on tumblr that they just ignore most of the reblogs they get that I mostly consider my comments lost in the noise. I rarely comment something like. Mean??? As far as I am aware. Sometimes my social skills are garbage, but I mean, intentionally I don’t go out of my way to be mean.

Every now and then I find out by accident I’ve contributed to a meme chain, though the nature of tumblr notifications being what they are sometimes I don’t find that out until like. A year later and that post is on fucking Facebook and someone’s posting an Alberta meme and there’s me making a dumb fucking offhanded comment about our constant vigilance on rat control. “See; the main thing that seems to come up if you google sephet besides the restaurant in Istanbul”

I do have a hopefully warm memory of one time in a half conscious state I commented on a video where a guy had gotten makeup done by his sister and I suggested a beard contour without fully realizing that like. The video was posted on tumblr and someone would see it, and I just think like… a lot of people with beards have commented insecurity about the look of their skin or beard and if you’re on the topic of makeup already, I thought the fact that there are makeup products made for beard shaping and contouring bearded faces is like. Spread the word. I was worried immediately that guy would think I was calling him patchy when like. The real statement was about like. Gender neutral makeup use, and foundation and contour looks that include and incorporate facial hair and accentuate a “masculine” face without giving up the “glam” of makeup. Which I didn’t go into a rant on but I figured a post about a bearded man looking excellent in makeup might benefit from “oohhh!! Also!! Beard contour exists!! It’s not as well known because men are less likely to wear makeup and they are more likely to have the full beards and need beard contour but it can complete a Look!” Kinda idea.

I am still half asleep so bad damn. I don’t have a point I just can’t sleep and feel like gaaaarbage. And my brain is spewing thoughts that are tumbling around in my head…

I need to figure out a way to try and save my hair. So much keeps falling out. I feel like I need to just cut it all off again, but it seems like a shame after I tried so hard to grow it this long… I don’t know why I’m doing that when I don’t know a thing at all to do with long hair and it’s both too thin and fine for me to do anything with it at any length.

I need to try and commit to getting less overwhelmed by stuff and washing it more often maybe, and maybe stress and hygiene is the problem. Maybe I need a better hair brush and maybe a better scalp treatment… dunno what. All the information is confusing, and sometimes even the advice isn’t really about hair in my type that needs help, it’s hair already doing better. And the places giving advice can be very rude about how beyond help my heart type needs. (Sorry guys with great hair who get asked questions about their hair and decided to make advice sections about it, it must be really hard for you to have been born with a different hair type and have to explain that over and over to people. But like. There is a point at which being being called ugly and balding etc is making me feel like “one day you will no longer be 22 and I hope when you find yourself facing the ways age and or stress or other factors of nature or environment effect your body people will be kinder to you” but also “I hope one person calls you bald and you think about that one person a lot and see yourself in them a little” because I’m a little bit of a cunt sometimes.

I did have a conversation once about growing up white and hair care and like “uh I obviously don’t speak for everyone but there was no ‘touching moments of learning and bonding as a family’ like I was just in charge of it once I knew how to comb it or put it in a ponytail. That’s part of why I cut it off when I was a kid. Hell it was falling out by the fistful when I was a teenager and there really wasn’t any help or guidance. And my mom’s an ex-hairdresser. She could cut it but that just meant I didn’t have control, but I didn’t have guidance. And in general all the shampoo and conditioner in drugstores suck and are made of the same shit with different scents and slightly different ingredients. But it’s mostly water and a few handfuls of soap chemicals. If you feel like they’re making shitty Black targeted products it’s like. Par for the course with most of their other products we just have no standards for good haircare because literally none of us have been taught to take care of ourselves.”

This is overly broad and I am aware I am a child of neglect so like. “Your experience is not universal” so like. Probably some people have parents who like. Taught them to style their hair and how to do self care in a proper way etc, but like. I do feel like I’m not as much of an anomaly as I sometimes think I am, and the fact that there’s a bunch of of white people who also straight up don’t know shit like “what the fuck *am* I supposed to do with my hair???” Or like. “Do I just exist in a perpetual state of dry skin?” Or any number of self care hygiene practices I guess we’re re badly co-opting like the Korean 7 step skincare routine. Which I admit I’m too lazy to follow when I sometimes have to fight the Mental Eelness to get my face clean at all.

Actually now I’m wondering how much is a product of extreme neglect, I’ve met people with the similar upbringing of “here’s a hairbrush, here’s shampoo and conditioner, congratulations you know how to manage your hair. It’s your responsibility now” as soon as I passed through the “no longer a doll I can style and dress up to do as I please” phase, but that might actually be one of those “no seph, that’s another one of those ‘your mom really liked babysitting and had no concept of what being a parent was’ things” and significantly less normal than I think it was.

I realized last night that I’ve spent so much time since I was young having my parents vent to me about their regrets that I have become like. Paralyzed by fear of being similarly burdened by regrets and in the end I’m still full of regrets and I am not sure what to do about that. But I do know that my mom has long since crossed a boundary with me by making me her like. Confidant and shoulder to cry on and comfort and vent space. Knowing all her frustrations about my dad and his family, her nostalgia and longing for her home and childhood, her insecurity and regret. I know I was an accident conceived while she was stoned and didn’t feel like telling my dad to use protection. I know my mom took my behaviour as personal attacks against her, just trying to make her life specifically more difficult. Not trying to make my life easier or trying to figure out anything about myself, it was directly tied to how it affected her and upset her. She doesn’t know what this fully means, just that she was wrong about her interpretation. She will not go to therapy because she insists she’s fine, I cannot convince her that she’s not and it’s weighing on me.

I don’t have a point, I think I’m just vent blogging about. Stress. I don’t know. My stomach hurts.

[bereft-of-frogs]

is friday. have a list.

reading:

(finished) Notes on an Execution - Danya Kukafka: Still excellent, still thinking about the ending

(in-progress) The Great Transition - Nick Fuller Goggins: I got this from the person who runs the horror book club I go to. The blurb compared it to Station Eleven, perilously high praise, but I'm weirdly enjoying it. Weirdly because I was afraid the structure would get annoying and weirdly because it's doing a bunch of things I usually find annoying but I'm not annoyed? I think it's because even though there's a lot of social justice themes, it never really feels like the characters are lecturing at the reader. Like there have been some scenes where characters are lecturing other characters - but so far they've all felt like they were more about revealing about the characters and their relationships rather than being like 'see, I know about solidarity, look how good a person I am!' I also really like that the exposition is being given through one of the POV characters (a high school student)'s essays, which have comments from her teacher and the comments are all PERFECT - and sure enough the author's day job is as a teacher. XD

(finished) Light of the Jedi - Charles Soule: still not my favorite, but it does pick up once you get past the first part. I think the narration of that action goes on for a bit too long and doesn't leave much space to take in the characters or setting because so much is happening, one thing after another. But, as I said last week, infinitely better than doomscrolling

(in-progress) Into the Dark - Claudia Gray: Ok the thing about Light is that I didn't really care about any of the deaths in it....until this book made me care. I think Gray is just a little bit more adept at character writing, I really started to fall in love with the High Republic and its characters in this book. I am sad though, given I'm probably going to have to skip Midnight Horizon to avoid getting derailed again, this might be where Reath and I part ways. I ended up loving Reath so much! But alas! Midnight Horizon was not my cup of tea, so I will have to say farewell.

(in-progress) Lord of the Rights chapter-a-day reread: Pelennor Fields today. DEAAAATTTHHH!!!!

watching (tv):

(finished) Silo (Apple TV): WHY am I still thinking about that finale?? why was that so good? WHEN is season 2 coming out?

(in-progress, rewatch) Altered Carbon (Netflix): to stop myself from just watching dumb commentary youtube videos while I'm cooking/eating dinner/etc I started rewatching Altered Carbon and damn it's just so good. I'm almost finished with the first season, I know the second is controversial/isn't quite as good but I still enjoyed it so will continue on

I'm in kind of a hangover post-Silo for the show I watch as part of my bedtime routine. I watched 2 episodes of Foundation and precisely 30 minutes of Severance before I fell asleep last night (I was just really tired because a certain Void Creature had me up at 5AM, not Severance's fault), so idk which I'm going to continue on with. Probably Severance, I'll get back to Foundation eventually.

watching (film):

The Strangers (2008): That scene where Liv Tyler is smoking in the kitchen and the intruder is standing unseen in the background is my LITERAL NIGHTMARE.

Hell House LLC II: The Abbadon Hotel (2018) and Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (2019): This is such a bizarre series because the first is slightly above-average found footage, the fourth is actually surprisingly scary, and the middle two are SUCH hot garbage, but. Completionist. I have seen them all now. The best scene in the third is with the cultists/demons scuttling around and I realized why it makes me laugh, they remind me of the wraiths in What We Do in the Shadows XD

Dune Part 2 (2024) - I SAW DUNE AGAIN IT WAS STILL GOOD. Aside, is Austin Butler in something the Youths (TM) like? Because I only know him from the awful Elvis movie I suffered through last year. The girl selling my ticket was like 'yeah I've seen it twice as an audience member and then I keep going up to the projection room to watch the duel because Austin Butler *heart eyes*' and I was like.....him? Really? Are the kids just horny for Harkonnens? I have questions.

video game update: I'm unstuck on cult of the lamb! I had the run of my life and got past the underwater level, it was great.

craft update: Skein still tangled, don't want to talk about it. But I've finished the short rows on the sweater vest and am onto the repetitive part! The next real milestone will be getting to where it joins the back under the arms, and I no longer have to purl. I can't wait.

weekend list -- just kidding it's a WEEK list because I'm on vacation! (technically I am dogsitting but I'm still taking a week off from work to go hang out with a dog, so that counts as vacation):

focus up to get through the workday. friends, it is 11AM and that is not going well, let me tell you

go for a run

pack / tidy up apartment so I don't come back to wreckage

non-writing things to do while at parents' house:

many walks! dog cuddles!

try out their fancy peloton thing, see what this cult thing is all about

knitting - planning to work on sweater vest, despite the fact that it is black and my parents' dog is so, so yellow... (she's a yellow lab)

laundry. so much laundry. everything that is in my apartment that can be put in a washing machine, is being brought. We've got sheets, we've got towels, bath mats, etc etc. My parents are paying me for dogsitting services in water usage.

read: I'm bringing 3 books I took out of the library yesterday which seems...ambitious...but maybe doable if I-

--don't scroll. seriously. I've blocked so many things, if I can just stick to occasionally checking my tumblr dash and maybe pinterest once in a while, I can get so much else done

writing to-do:

main project: longfic I am tentatively calling 'the station' (probably will change but this is at least better than my last working title which made no sense so I'm keeping it for now), I have 25k in a very rough draft, and am on chapter 2 of 12 in the rewrite (about 8k words). (It's probably going to be much longer than 25k, that was essentially just the self-indulgent scenes that came easily, now I'm doing the hard plot work, connecting scenes, etc, trying to go roughly in order so I don't have to do another full draft.)

start on the final part of 'omens and all kinds of signs': ideally finish a rough draft but we'll see, I have not started it at all, but I know it will feel good to finish it, if I can get some of the pieces together, that would be great

rough draft of the third variation on the tattoo theme (I have...900 words so far)

rough draft of an alternative POV to an already posted fic that's just an excuse to be shamelessly self-indulgent (I have ?? words scribbled in a notebook about it)

[brainrattlers]

Play It Cool - Tyson Jost (30/n)

Pairing: Tyson Jost x OFC (AJ)

Word Count: 4,237

Warnings: Language, and lots of anxiety, stress about the unknown.

Chapter 29 is at https://brainrattlers.tumblr.com/post/700974148357390336/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-29n

Need to start from the beginning? Here you go: https://brainrattlers.tumblr.com/post/684079731435552768/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-1n

Author's notes: Holy crap, in light of Tyson's *amazing* night earlier, I'm excited to post, but it isn't to the point of tonight (er, last night's) game yet. That will definitely be next week. I gotta say, seeing Tyson play over eighteen minutes (where three weeks ago he was playing eight, if he was even playing), taking faceoffs... and THAT GOAL... I'm inspired. (Good grief my fingers just typed sinspired, but hey, who knows what is coming up next week? 😉 But seriously it's nearly 2am, my fingers have a mind of their own.) I am so glad that Buffalo has taken a chance on him. The team and the coaching staff have awakened something in him and I cannot wait to see how the rest of this season plays out. Also, holy hell, how is this chapter 30 already?

With that... let's find out how exactly Tyson and AJ ended up in Buffalo.

The next few weeks were not easy for Tyson. It seemed like no matter what he did, it just wasn’t right. He had a meeting with Evason for a couple minutes, and came out looking dejected, like a kicked dog. He went to every practice, all optionals, and took extra time to work on things he was feeling weak in. It was a lot of long nights sitting in the pressbox while he was a healthy scratch. Through it all, he kept his “I’m okay” face on. 

An article came out in The Athletic that pointed out how Shaw was getting his chance with the Wild, and how Guerin told him he was staying. Of course they were lavishing praise on Shaw - he really did deserve it - however it seemed quite callous to point out Tyson’s flaws. In the same article, an odd situation was described, a very much he said/she said, but more of Evason Said/Jost Said. 

The coach described the situation as having met repeatedly with Jost, talking and working on things, watching video. They were wanting to build him up. Tyson’s side of things was that he had the one five-minute long meeting with the head coach and that was really it. Whether Tyson was misquoted, as maybe he had been working with other coaching staff, it sounded like someone was not telling the truth.

But it was clear as day - Tyson Jost was the Wild’s whipping boy.

Even the new guys that were sluggish and playing mediocre to poor were getting more accolades than he was. Even on the nights he was scratched and the Wild lost, the garbage fans on social media still called him out. He wasn’t born into the organization, and was merely adopted, thus… the whipping boy.

The pressure was getting to AJ too, and not just because Tyson was struggling once he got home. The nagging feeling she had before the trade to Minnesota was back. Similar anxiety hit when he got scratched. And it was hitting her HARD this time around. AJ was trying to keep her brave face on, she didn’t want to make Tyson feel worse because she was struggling too. Mentally, she was preparing for the worst, wondering where he was going to end up. Sending him down to Iowa would be a huge blow to his already fragile ego.

The day that Tyson actually got to play again, he met with the media after morning skate. It was blatant to her that the smile that graced his face was not a typical one. AJ was used to seeing the smiles that caused the corners of Tyson’s eyes to crinkle. It may have looked good to most who saw the guy who was just happy to be playing again, but to AJ, this one very much stopped mid-nose heading up to his curls. That smile never made it to his eyes.

He played, and it was even LESS time than the last few games - less than eight minutes total. 

That night, Tyson got home and couldn’t sleep. His mind was wound up, replaying what all he did in the game. Fearing he’d wake up AJ, he just laid there, eyes closed, as the thoughts kept looping. What he soon figured out though was that AJ was having a restless night too, tossing and turning. He tried to ease both of their minds by curling up with her, but much to his chagrin, he just couldn’t catch the sleep he was chasing.

Silently, Tyson got up around 6am, finding that AJ was finally asleep, soundly. It was going to be a long day with the lack of sleep, but he was going to do what he could to make it good. Before making a small breakfast, he started a load of laundry, making sure he pulled out delicates from everything else. A bowl of cereal, some eggs and turkey bacon found their way into his stomach as he just stared out the sliding glass doors that opened up to Minneapolis. Something broke his trance, and looking at his watch, he realized he needed to get to TRIA rink for morning skate.

AJ was still asleep, but he leaned over and kissed her temple.

“Love you so much,” he whispered, “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Hearing the front door latch, AJ woke up, smelling the faintest memory of Tyson’s shampoo and conditioner. Her stomach absolutely was in knots. It got worse an hour or so later when she saw the tweet from Michael Russo, correcting what lines were on the ice at practice. 

The original tweet said it was Dewar/Jost. It was corrected to just Dewar.

AJ’s heart sank into her feet. She wanted to throw up.

Immediately, she started working on the laundry in the dryer, doing more still. While that was running, AJ pulled some empty tubs from the closet, and started grabbing clothes from the bureau in the corner of the room. She was seemingly on autopilot, until it hit her like a ton of bricks and the tears started falling down her cheeks. 

Tyson quietly unlocked the door to their apartment, finding AJ on the sofa curled up with her knees to her chest, tears silently streaming. His heart ripped in half at the sight of her surrounded by the tubs that they had just unloaded not 5 months ago. Feet with a mind of their own, he found himself already surrounding AJ, holding her tightly in his arms.

“How did you know? It hasn’t been announced yet…” Tyson trailed off as both of their phones started buzzing incessantly. 

UPDATE: TYSON JOST (MINNESOTA WILD) WILL BE PLACED ON WAIVERS AT 1:00PM CST.

Shakily, the words slipped out. “I didn’t, but that feeling I had before you got traded here… and… I’ve had it for weeks now. It was really bad yesterday.” AJ couldn’t stop the tears. “I didn’t want to say anything to upset you.”

Tyson couldn’t stop his own tears at that point either. “You wouldn’t have upset me, I’m already upset with myself. With the coaching staff. Mainly with me.” He looked around at the tubs on the floor. “Are you leaving? Where are you going?”

AJ whipped her head up to look at Tyson as the words stabbed like knives in her heart.

“I’m going where you’re going, right?” AJ whispered, “If you clear waivers, we’re going to Des Moines. If you don’t… we’re going… somewhere else?”

It was in those few seconds, hearing AJ say “we’re going” stitched Tyson’s heart whole again. There were still tears, but it was of relief that she wasn’t leaving him. The tears slowed and stopped, but the two stayed put, clinging to each other as they themselves seemed to be the only stable things in each other’s lives right then. 

Tyson didn’t ask what caused AJ to start panic packing, but he was in awe that she even had the intuition that this was happening (again).

The constant buzzing of his watch made him realize that his mom was calling. Putting Laura on speakerphone, the three talked about things and what may and may not happen. Despite being miles upon miles away, she was still the voice of reason, the voice of calm.

“You just have to see what’s going to happen. I know you hate it, but it’s just hurry up and wait. It’s going to be the longest 23 hours, but we’re all going to get through it. We’re a family, and this is what families do, we stick together and make things work. Do you need me to come down to help with anything?”

This was the first time AJ saw Tyson’s face have any sort of happiness.

“While you’re welcome to… I came home and AJ was already packing. She hadn’t even heard the news yet and she’s got like 3 weeks of clothes packed for both of us. I think we’re okay, AJ’s got this under control.”

While it stung a little that Laura’s baby didn’t need her help, she was also very relieved that Tyson had AJ right now. 

The three eventually closed out the call, and an eerie calm fell upon the apartment as AJ sat folding laundry, and Tyson kept checking his phone to make sure he didn’t miss any calls. With all the laundry folded, and what might be needed put into a couple bins, AJ wasn’t sure what to do either.

To quote Tom Petty, “the waiting is the hardest part.”

AJ finally started getting to texts from everyone, Jess, Nate, Laura (when she couldn’t get Tyson to answer earlier), Danielle, Mel (that one was a little surprising, but they were still friends, all things considered), and a few others including her parents. Apparently someone told them the news.

2:00PM

Laura had been right, it truly was hurry up and wait. AJ swapped laundry again and brought the basket of warm clothes from the dryer to the coffee table, to mindlessly fold. She didn’t know really what to say or do, so she prepared… for Des Moines, or somewhere else.

Tyson just laid on the sofa, eyes pointed at the ceiling. Everything was out of his hands at the moment and he was trying to accept it.

3:00PM

Tyson grabbed his suitcase from the closet, trying to keep emotions in check. AJ had already pulled out some of his favorite things to wear to put in it. He smiled as he put the stacked clothes in the luggage, noticing her favorite Wizard World hoodie on top.

“You realize that’s your hoodie in my stack, right?” Tyson was curious as to what she was up to.

“Yep, but I think you’ve worn it more in the last six months than I have. Just in case something happens and we’re separated for a bit, I think it’ll do you more good than me.” AJ was trying to keep the feelings from spilling out from her eyes onto her cheeks. “Besides, you look better in it than I do.”

4:00PM 

AJ was getting antsy, she took her anxiety out on the elliptical at the gym in their building. Her eyes started getting watery realizing this may be the last time she got to use the gym there, not that she particularly liked going to the gym to begin with. Blasting some tunes on her earbuds, she tried to forget the outside world for a bit.

Somehow in all this, Tyson fell asleep on the sofa, but made sure the ringer on his phone was extra loud. He didn’t want to miss anything important. He woke up to the sound of a very sweaty AJ coming back from working out.

She was kicking herself because she JUST did the laundry, and wasn’t thinking about this entirely clearly.

5:00PM

AJ got out of the shower, throwing on a hoodie and jeans. After starting the washing machine AGAIN, she found herself sitting at the sliding glass door, staring out over Minneapolis’ skyline. It was getting more difficult to keep her brave face on. A lot of texts were sent between her and Jess trying to make sense of the last 6 hours.

Tyson strummed away on his ukulele, trying to cheer up AJ by stumbling through some of the chords to “My Funny Valentine.”

6:00PM

“Did you eat lunch earlier?” Tyson questioned AJ, who sat on the sofa as she rubbed her temples and sighed.

AJ closed her eyes. “No. As soon as I saw Russo’s tweet… I just started packing.”

“Babe, you need to eat.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Put your shoes on, we’re getting dinner.”

AJ grudgingly put on a pair of Chucks, and Tyson grabbed her hand, hauling her down the hallway toward the elevator. After pressing the garage floor button, Tyson wrapped his arms around her holding her tight. A little bit of stress left AJ when she felt his lips against her temple.

The two hit the road, but some of that stress came back as they neared Xcel.

“Remember where I first took you to dinner after you moved in? That’s how we started here, that’s how we’re going out. Also I know how much you love the Marsala.”

Tyson parked the Grand Cherokee in the garage just off of 7th. They walked hand in hand, and he opened the door to Cossetta for AJ.

7:00PM

Tyson ordered the Lasagna Al Forno, and AJ indeed ordered the Marsala Chicken. Trays in hand, they found a quiet corner to eat in. He even picked up a cannoli for them to share, just like their first dinner out as newly minted residents of Minneapolis.

“You know things are going to be alright, yeah?”

AJ picked at the mushrooms on her plate and grimaced.

“I mean it. I’m nervous too, fuck I still feel like shit it even got to this point. But… maybe it’s good. I go to Iowa, maybe they can figure out where I’m struggling. And you said you have friends in Des Moines?”

She cringed at the idea of Des Moines, but Tyson was indeed correct. “Yeah, I do, Andrew and Tina are there… Ryan and Emily… have a little US Air Guitar reunion I guess.”

“Hold up, what?” Tyson was confused by what he just heard. He knew those words, just not necessarily in that order. “US… Air… Guitar?”

Whether Tyson meant to or not, AJ was out of her thoughts and suddenly was excited.

“Wait, wait, have… I… never told you I’m a professional air guitarist?” AJ giggled at the blank stare of disbelief on Tyson’s face. “It’s a thing. There’s an Air Guitar Canada even. I’ve been doing it for years, although after the knee issues I had to sit back, but I still help out with regional qualifiers and stuff. Oh yeah, there are regionals. And then if you win at Regionals, you go onto Nationals. But there is also a Dark Horse competition to get to Nationals! And if you win Nationals, you go onto the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!!! It’s in Oulu Finland, end of August. Huge deal.” 

AJ went on and on about how the competitions work, how they score like figure skating or gymnastics on a scale of 4.0 to 6.0, how you can only have your air guitar because a prop used as a guitar will get you disqualified. How everyone has their own persona, alter ego if you will.

“How did I not know this about you? That’s kinda…” Tyson trailed off.

AJ got worried to hear what he was about to say.

“... badass.”

The laugh couldn’t be contained, and AJ was relieved to hear what he finished his sentence with.

“I’ll have to show you some moves sometime. Just… don’t look me up on YouTube. Not that there are videos of my performances or anything…”

“Oh I’m looking them up. And you said there is an Air Guitar Canada? Maybe when you have dual citizenship,” Tyson’s eyes were nearly twinkling at the thought, “You can compete for Canada!”

AJ rolled her eyes and smiled.

Happy that AJ was out of her funk, if only for a few minutes, Tyson watched her dunk her breadstick in the marsala sauce and eat the remainder of the mushrooms. And being gag-inducingly cute, he fed her bites of the cannoli, alternating with himself. 

After dropping off their trays, they walked back to the garage in much better spirits than they had arrived in. AJ still was a little wistful, realizing that they weren’t going to go back there again anytime soon. Tyson held her hand as he drove back, squeezing it when her mind seemed to drift too far away.

9:00PM

With how mentally draining the day was, the two brushed their teeth, and crawled into bed. Nervous and hopeful were pretty much the two emotions that were hitting the hardest. AJ was getting used to the idea of Des Moines though. And who knows, he could get called back up. 

Tyson was focused on simply breathing. Again, it was completely out of his hands, there was no sense in dwelling on it when he had no idea what was going to happen. His mental approach was so much stronger than it was just a few months earlier. He was absolutely AJ’s rock at that point. Knowing that she was still a little frazzled, instead of little/big spoons, Tyson simply hugged AJ in bed until it was uncomfortable for them. 

He cracked first - mainly because somehow AJ fell asleep first. Tyson carefully pulled his arm out from under her, trying to keep her from waking.

It was pretty much too late for news to come in, so he turned down the volume of his phone. The intention was to wake up early though, as something big could happen once the sun came up.

6:22AM

Tyson gave up on sleeping. He had dozed off and on all night. The calm, cool exterior he had earlier was fading, and showed the anxiety underneath as he woke up every couple hours. Grabbing his running shoes, he left a note for AJ in case he wasn’t back yet when she woke up.

8:00AM

AJ groggily looked around and found the note on her nightstand.

Be back soon Eggo. Running to clear my head. XOXO

Her stomach was in knots. 

Why hadn’t any teams claimed Tyson yet? 

AJ got up and took a quick shower, followed by making some tea and toast in the kitchen. Tyson returned home, smelling the toast as he entered the living room. She peeked out of the kitchen, and tossed him a banana.

“Eat up, we gotta get rid of a few things before… whatever happens… just in case.”

With the banana eaten, Tyson hit the shower. Still no news. He himself was resigning to the idea he was going to Des Moines. The team was playing that night, but he obviously was not at morning practice. It stung.

9:00AM (Four hours until the 24 hours were up.)

The two curled up on the sofa to watch some Yellowstone, not really knowing what else to do.

10:00AM

AJ cooked some waffles to share. Tyson had his with the remaining almond butter in the fridge, and another banana. AJ slathered hers in maple syrup.

11:00AM

Tyson shut off Yellowstone, noticing that AJ was not really paying attention and just fidgeting. 

“Hey… let’s make a playbook,” Tyson was trying to come up with anything to make time pass and also get AJ’s focus back, “What are you going to do if it’s Des Moines?”

The two talked about how Tyson would likely just make the 3-4 hour drive down I-35 with a few things, and AJ would follow shortly in her own vehicle with more stuff. She might split her time because most of her clients were obviously in the Twin Cities area, but most of the Iowa Wild games were on the weekends, so she could make the trip down until they figured out how to work it all out.

AJ had a look of concern on her face.

“What if it isn’t Des Moines? We’ve been talking it up so much… what if you do get picked up?”

Tyson thought about it for a moment. “There aren’t too many teams nearby… I’d probably end up flying. Would you be up for driving? That way we have at least one vehicle still wherever we end up?”

12:00PM (One hour remaining.)

Both were straight up pacing. With every buzz of his phone, AJ felt more doom and gloom that it was still going to be Des Moines. She understood that it was a chance to get that development that he missed out on as an Avalanche player. But it still felt like such a huge demotion.

12:30PM

AJ sat on the sofa, chewing her nails. She had Laura on speakerphone, to not tie up Tyson’s phone in case something happened.

With just MINUTES to spare, Tyson’s phone rang just before 1:00PM.

AJ and Laura got quiet.

“Yes, I understand. Okay. Let’s do this.” Tyson hung up the phone, finding AJ literally on the edge of her seat, white-knuckling the pillow she was holding onto. 

Laura wasn’t even in the room but she could feel the intensity through her own phone, on pins and needles waiting to know as well.

“It’s Buffalo.”

AJ’s phone started buzzing with tweet notifications that Tyson had been claimed. Notifications of texts started shortly after that.

Thinking about the waiver priority list, it was figured out that Anaheim, Columbus, Arizona, and Ottawa (which there were rumblings on Twitter about) all passed. But Buffalo saw something in him, and made it official.

Tyson was going to be a Sabre.

But there was a major issue at that very moment. Buffalo was in the middle of a severe winter storm, expecting to dump upwards of six feet of snow. And Tyson was supposed to get there the next day, supposedly.

Laura exited the conversation to let him and AJ figure out what the next steps were.

“Tys, Buffalo is a two day drive. They think they can get you flown out though?”

It was quickly figured out that AJ was indeed going to drive that afternoon, and arrive the next day. The plan was to stop probably in Indiana, and then make the rest of the trip, weather permitting. But then the discussion of the vehicle came into play.

“I don’t want you driving your Soul… especially if the weather is bad.”

“You know it’s stick, right? And I’ve driven it in Denver, and here, right? And at home in bad weather?”

Insistent, Tyson was trying to make a point. “I’d feel much safer if you took the Cherokee. Please, I mean it. It can hold more too.”

AJ got a smile on her face. “This isn’t about safety at all - you’re nervous about driving stick in Buffalo in my car aren’t you? I told you we should have practiced more this summer.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Tyson gave a sheepish grin. “Maybe. But I mean it, take my car.”

The two filled up the vehicle with luggage and tubs, leaving Tyson with his backpack and toiletry kit he took on roadies. It was figured out that AJ would fly back the next time Tyson was on an extended roadie to pack up the rest and get stuff ready to be moved.

“Text me when you stop? And check in…” Tyson bit his lip, holding back tears, even though he would hopefully be seeing AJ the next day in Buffalo. “Is this what you feel like when I leave for roadies? This is awful!”

AJ laughed and hugged Tyson tightly.

“Yeah, a little bit. But I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Tyson handed AJ the keys through the window as she climbed into the driver’s seat, adjusting the mirrors and seat position. He also stole another kiss before she put the key in the ignition, heading out on a new adventure.

As she promised, AJ texted when she stopped for gas, and her stopping point for the night, South Bend, Indiana. Finding a hotel, she barely was in the door when she sent a quick text before passing out for the night.

AJ: Little over halfway there. Roads are fine. Love you so much Tyson, can’t wait to start this new chapter tomorrow in Buffalo. 

AJ was snoring hard as it was an even more draining day than the previous, missing the text from Tyson.

Tyson: Flying out hopefully tomorrow afternoon. Snow has stopped. Team is in Toronto tonight, flying back tomorrow too. Should have hotel info and address soon, will send. Sleep well, sweet dreams Eggo. Thank you for trusting the process, even though this isn’t what I’d planned. Love you.

AJ woke up, and checked the roads. It wasn’t going to be great getting into Buffalo, but she had hoped by the time she arrived, a lot of the snow would be plowed. And hopefully Tyson could get into town too. Another six and a half hours to go, AJ snagged breakfast at the hotel before hitting the road again. Doing the math from the info Tyson gave her, he would beat her there by an hour or so and at least could hopefully check in at the hotel.

Tyson: At the airport. (Hotel info) See you in a couple hours babe. DRIVE SAFE. (heart emoji)

AJ: Safe travels, tell the pilot to be careful! (kiss emoji)

After several more hours of driving, which of course was a bit longer due to the weather, AJ finally arrived in Buffalo. Google Maps wasn’t the greatest getting her to the hotel due to some streets not being fully plowed yet, but finally, she arrived and pulled into the parking lot.

Tyson was in the lobby, waiting impatiently, much like in St. Louis months earlier. He almost knocked AJ over rushing to her, hugging her tight. Grabbing a luggage cart, the two unloaded the Grand Cherokee, heading upstairs on the elevator. Opening the door to the room on the 3rd floor, he ushered her in. A load of weight had been lifted from both of their shoulders as AJ let the door close behind her.

“Welcome to Buffalo, Eggo. Welcome home.” Chapter 31 can be found at https://at.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-31n/43faeobb8w2p

[venting-penguin]

Thoughts on moving

So you’ll read this a bit after I typed this. Reason being that I am currently without internet for a few moments, at least for this evening. So I’ve decided to gather my thoughts and type them out so I can post them later. Now that I am doing so, I am also taking a bit of time to reflect on the fact that its probably the first evening in a few years that I am without internet. So I am really thinking “How are my online friends doing? Has any of them sent me a message? Did I tell them I am currently in the middle of the whole moving process? Should I have sent them a message I am offline for a bit?” I’m also thinking of ways I might be missing out on news and I have no way off taking my mind off other stuff by watching a youtube video or something similar. I am now looking through my phone for things I downloaded earlier to help me relax, such as audio books or music. It feels almost as if I am secluded from the world for a moment.

Anyways, I see I have already swayed a bit from the topic at hand, namely my moving. Today I spent about 12 hours packing stuff, going from one place to another, unpacking stuff and then going back to the first place to pack and load some more stuff. Somehow this became a pretty emotional experience. It might be the fact that I am trying out a kind of new life again. It might be that I am going through some old stuff which brings back a whole range of memories. But I think it’s something different.

I realized that I’ve been living in a city for about 6 years without achieving any kind of goal I set out to achieve. I didn’t make any friends, didn’t find a job and certainly didn’t finish my education there, which is basically the prime reason for moving here. I didn’t even really go sightseeing or walk around the place and take some pics of the surroundings or nearby nature. I always wanted to do that but just never got around to it.

I also looked at the place I’ll be vacating and realized what a mess I got to work with. Of course I have to clean up the place and take my remaining belongings with me and I saw such an unsettling combination of dirt on the walls, dust everywhere, spiderwebs on the ceiling, and a giant heap of useless garbage that I really thought to myself “What I am even doing even with my life”. Basically I was just playing video games for many thousands of hours, and browsing social media in between. I did pretty much nothing with all the opportunities I was given. Of course there’s an immense amount of people who are way worse off then me in every regard, so I am really grateful for everything I have. Including my family. For example, it was my brother and my father who helped me move today. So yeah, even though I pretty much failed completely in the way of making friends, I still have my closest family members to rely on, even though there might have been some troubles in the past. I guess that’s a big plus in my life too.

The room I moved to is perfectly fine btw. Enough space to walk about, once I get my stuff in order that is, and the roommate seems like a pretty great guy to talk to and stuff. So I think this will work out fine.

So what now? I’m looking at some things I didn’t quite succeed at and I think those are some of the things I will try to fix. So Tomorrow I will start by applying for a few more jobs, the day after I will look around town for some cool stuff, get to know the place a bit better and make some photographs after school, on Wednesday I will work my behind off at school and on Thursday I will go to a meeting for a study group and play some games with them. Perhaps you could say I just made some New City Resolutions, hopefully they will be better achievable than the resolutions of the other kind.

[pablocoislocoyup]

This actually happened at the North Downey Post Office, one of three in mid 2006.

I was at a window counter facing the "Apollo Center" strip mall and parking lot.I was going through several magazines I had exhumed out of seven postal lobby garbage cans.

The first one is located in a counter cabinet, with key lock cabinet door. It has a smaller swing door with "TRASH" engraved in the particle wood. It is easy to remove the trash, to get the magazines.

The second one is a rickety tin barrel.

The third one is a regular thirty three gallon plastic trash barrel, at a counter, in front of two stamp machines, and the in wall mail and package slots with swing doors. Plus a video camera is always pointed directly at the trash barrel, but not the two stamp machines. Weird.

There are four other thirty three gallon trash barrels in the lobby, and another tin barrel.

As I was going through the last barrel, gazing out of the window, looking at a beauty shop, this behemoth size, unattractive woman walks out of the beauty shop, in the direction of the post office.

Me: "Oh. That poor woman. Why does she waste her money trying to look pretty? Huge as an iceberg. I wonder why the beautitians even take her money? They should tell her to not to waste her money, that she'll never be attractive. Oh well."

I also had trash on the counter, as this was the last trash barrel I looked in. I was still removing magazines from the barrel.

In walks Misses Behemoth. She walks towards my way, then stops dead in her tracks, and stares at me.

She: "If you do not throw that trash, and magazines back in the trash, I will call the police." She said in a strict tone, in a raspy voice.

I ignored her, and continued pulling magazines out of the trash barrel.

She: "I got my cellphone in my hand!" She said again in the same tone, in that raspy voice, arm up hand waving her cellphone, for me to see.

Me: "And as ugly as you are, I bet that's all you ever held in your hand." I said in a low tone, but not low enough for her to hear. So I thought.

She: "I heard that! How disgusting and hateful! I am calling the police!" She said in anger, more raspier voice.

Me: "If you call the police, they will not respond. I had many people call the police on me. The first few times, they saw what I took from the trash, and what I did not take, as too people's identities, and the such, and stopped responding." I said in my normal tone.

She: "That is exactly why I am calling the police! You are a liar! When I call them they will respond!" She said in a rough tone much raspier voice

Me: "Do not dial Nine-One-One! This is not an emergency! Rather dial...I said the direct phone number to our Downey Police." I said in a truthful tone

She: "Oh?! So you're a smart ass too?! Huh?!" She said in a tone of chide, raspy voiced.

Me: "Damned! You women! You never believe what we men tell you! That is the direct phone number to the Downey Police! You know?! I bet that if you are married, and you think your husband, or, boyfriend, were looking for love from another woman, and, I can see why, nothing they say would ever change your mind!" I said in a tired angered tone, and when I said: "I can see why," I gave her the once over with my eyes.

She: "Oh! Oooooh! I am calling the police now!" She said in an angered tone, really raspy, laughing.

Me: "Well...I cannot say this was not amusing! I got it all on my stereo voice recorder! Will share it on social media later tonight! And I am leaving!" Hope to never see you any time soon!" I said in a smart aleck tone, as I with arm up, with voice recorder in hand, hand waving it for her too see.

She: "Give me that goddamned voice recorder!" She hollered out in anger, the raspiest voice yet, advancing towards me!

Me: "Like W. C. Fields said "Awwww! The hell wich yah!" Hope to never see you again! I am leaving!" I said in smart tone.

She: "You have to pass by me first!" She said in a growling tone and raspy.

Me: "Boy! Are you dumb! You walked in through the parking lot side doors! And I am going to exit through the Lakewood Boulevard side doors! Good bye!" I said in a chiding tone and laughing.

Misses Iceberg just stood there drooping her arms and hands at her sides, looking defeated.

The next day I was back at it. At the same counter, a stack of magazines, retreiving magazines from the barrel. And out walks Misses Behemoth from the beauty shop, heading back to the post office.

She enters, walks up to me, slightly hesitates.

She: "So? Back at it again? Aye?" She mutters.

Me: "Did you call the police? And did they say they know who I am?!" I asked in a chiding tone."

She: "Grrrrrrrrrr!" She growls, and walks on to her P. O. Box.

Many months later I was at NORMS Family Restaurant, on Firestone Blvd. in Downey, sitting at the counter as I do six nights a week. In walks Misses Behemoth! She sees me and walks past me. Her daughter is with her this time. The President and Top Editor of the City's free newspaper: "The Downey Patriot."

[90363462]

Of course he did. Antisemitic garbage sticking together

Kanye West Tweets Pic of Kyrie Irving Amid NBA Player’s Antisemitism Controversy

West reposted the image on Twitter after featuring it earlier this week on his suspended Instagram account.

Gil Kaufman11/3/2022

Kanye West attends the 2015 CFDA Awards at Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center on June 1, 2015 in New York City. Taylor Hill/FilmMagicnone

After getting locked out of Instagram again earlier this week for violating the site’s policies, Kanye West re-posted an image from his suspended IG on Twitter early Thursday morning (Nov. 3) of controversial Brooklyn Nets star Kyrie Irving in what appears to be the embattled rapper’s latest provocation.

The timing of the tweet by West (who now goes by Ye) came after Irving released a joint statement with the Anti-Defamation League and his team in which the point guard and the Nets each pledged to donate $500,000 to “causes and organizations that work to eradicate hate and intolerance” after Irving was widely criticized last week for sharing a link to an antisemitic movie on his social feeds. 

The since-deleted tweet linked to a video posted by conspiracy theorist Alex Jones which promoted the antisemitic 2018 movie Hebrews to Negroes: Wake Up Black America. The post by Irving drew widespread condemnation at a time when Ye has been deplatformed and seen his once-formidable fashion and music empire greatly diminished after repeatedly spreading antisemitic hate speech.

Like Ye, Irving steadfastly defending his right to spread such rhetoric in a post-game press conference on Saturday at which he said, “In terms of the backlash, we’re in 2022, history is not supposed to be hidden from anybody and I’m not a divisive person when it comes to religion, I embrace all walks of life. So the claims of antisemitism and who are the original chosen people of God and we go into these religious conversations and it’s a big no, no, I don’t live my life that way.” 

The NBA, Nets owner Joe Tsai and the ADL strongly condemned Irving for spreading antisemitic speech, with ADL CEO Jonathan Greenblatt tweeting, “The book and film he promotes trade in deeply #antisemitic themes, including those promoted by dangerous sects of the Black Hebrew Israelites movement. Irving should clarify now.” 

After initially defending his right to post on his personal accounts and vowing now to “stand down on anything I believe,” Irving reversed course and said in the statement, “I oppose all forms of hatred and oppression and stand strong with communities that are marginalized and impacted every day. I am aware of the negative impact of my post towards the Jewish community, and I take responsibility.”

Before his latest Instagram suspension, West posted a smiling pic of Irving on Sunday with the caption, “There’s some real ones still here.” Ye posted a different snap of Irving on Twitter Thursday with no comment just hours after the athlete’s mea culpa. In the wake of the Irving controversy, the Ye post was the latest provocation in a month-long spree in which the rapper has repeatedly made antisemitic remarks that Forbes reported has resulted in him losing his billionaire status as most of his high-profile fashion, music and sports marketing clients have fled his now-radioactive brand. 

West had his Twitter account temporarily restricted after posting in early October that he was going to go “Death Con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE.” The Irving post marked Ye’s return to the platform a week after self-proclaimed “free speech absolutist” Tesla/SpaceX CEO Elon Musk bought the site; a new studyreported that homophobic, racist and antisemitic hate speech on Twitter dramatically spiked in the hours and days following Musk’s takeover.

The amplification of anti-Jewish tropes by such high-profile figures also comes just months after the Anti-Defamation League — which tracks anti-Semitic behavior nationwide — reported a 34% rise in anti-Semitic incidents in 2021 (to 2,717), which averaged out to more than seven such incidents per day. 

Check out Ye’s tweet and the Nets and Irving’s statements below.

[focsle]

Honestly I think people who shit on tumblr are so annoying. Don’t rebl this I don’t feel like talking to any of them.

’The tag system’s broken’ - it’s definitely not perfect but if I go to my blog on a browser I can type in the url for a tag I use and find everything in chronological order from the day I posted it 6 years ago. It’s there. I can also link to it for other people to easily access. There’s an archive system; that’s amazing! Tonight I have several people reblogging like…dishonored fanfic I wrote like 8 years ago, how’d they find it, who knows, but they could! With twitter I have to google the right stupid code to type into ‘advanced search’ any time I want find things on my own twitter and can’t actually organize any of it in a way that looks neat or accessible to other people. Tags are also not part of the actual post here and so they don’t clutter it up and look awful like twitter and instagram.

’terrible for artists’ twitter uses a robot to autocrop my images and compresses them all to hell. Instagram loves a square composition and for the longest time wouldn’t allow posts from a desktop. Of the many artists I follow on twitter I barely see any them because the algorithm throttles you and you have to type out shit like ‘commissions’ and ‘patreon’ in a cipher so people actually maybe see it. Again there are problems but this is the most friendly platform to artists out of any social media if you ask me.

Multimedia! Do I wanna post a video? Do I wanna post music? Art? Do I wanna write a long thing? I can do all of that and somehow tumblr hosts all of it despite having no money. I have no idea how they’re keeping their servers afloat.

’censorship’ like…yes, the nsfw ban and the tag kerfuffle was definitely an issue but any time I say ‘fuck’ I get shadowbanned on instagram. I feel like I said ‘shit’ on twitter once and they were like nO NO! SWEARWORDS! disgusting ideologies (at a MUCH greater volume than whatever you’d find here) are ok tho.

It’s not trying to farm my information nearly as much as other social media websites. The ads aren’t desperately trying to know who I am. It’s not responding to my google searches in seconds’ time like instagram is.

I do have a lot of memories here, that would be frankly too much to try and back up now at this point. It’s naive to think I’ll always have access to them because everything fizzles on the internet eventually but…I‘ll be sad whenever they disappear with this place.

This place is where I’ve found the most support and interest for my niche work and I am so so appreciative of that and all of you who make that possible. It’s enabled me to actually like, turn towards what makes me happy. And I don’t think that would necessarily follow me if I weren’t on tumblr.

Some of you need to chill because most everywhere else is way more garbage than this.

[true-blue-megamind]

What Makes Hal a Great Villain?

Okay, I’m saying it upfront: this one is going to get a little dark and very real.  Potential triggers for harassment, stalking, sexual predation.  Nothing graphic or heavy, of course, but if these are especially highly sensitive subjects for you, please proceed with caution.

Also, SPOILER ALERT for anyone who has not yet watched the animated awesomeness that is Megamind.  (If you are that person, the DVD is on sale on Amazon, and the movie is available to stream on NowTV.  Go watch it.  I’ll wait.)

We all know Megamind is an awesome protagonist--multi-layered, relatable, and surprisingly complex-- but, truthfully, his antagonist is just as interesting.  In fact, when compared with other animated villains of the early 2000′s, he’s by far the most memorable... and the most terrifying.

Many may question my assessment.  I mean, let’s be honest: this guy doesn’t exactly look like the face of evil.  But make no mistake: Hal, who later becomes Titan, is an extremely scary person.

I don’t want to leave readers with the impression that this character is one-sided, however, so before we get started on just what makes this fellow complete nightmare fuel, let’s look briefly at a few of the other reasons that Hal makes a fascinating Bad Guy.

One of my favorite things about Hal’s character arch is that it defies expectations.  Superhero comics have a long tradition of Average Nobodies who somehow receive extraordinary powers and go on to save the city.  Or the world.  Or the universe.  You get the idea.  Many comic book fans, upon watching Megamind for the first time, probably expected Hal to do the same, but he doesn’t.  In fact, he goes rogue, choosing to use his newly-obtained gifts for wanton destruction.  Thus the film inverts the established trope.

Like the protagonist he faces, (and is thankfully conquered by,) Hal is complex, and his true nature reveals itself slowly.  I’ve heard some people say that they actually felt a bit sorry for him in the first scene he appears, as he awkwardly tries to express his feelings to reporter Roxanne Ritchi.  At first he seemed like nothing worse than a socially inept and sexually frustrated nerd.  Only as the move progressed, and the aforementioned viewers saw his creepiness more clearly, did they begin to revile him.  One of the many clever things about the movie is that the gradual development provides audiences with the experience of slowly getting to know the characters.  While Megamind is the somewhat anarchical Goth who worries you a little at first, but whose heart of gold has you loving him once you really understand him, Hal is that guy you really, really regret talking to at a party.  You know, the one who quickly starts sending your internal Creep-o-Meter off the scale and persistently follows you around for the rest of the night.  This is, indeed, part of what makes Hal disturbing; just like real villains, he hides in plain sight, wearing the guise of an ordinary fellow.

Which brings us back to the scary part.  Even before he gets superpowers, Hal is bad guy deep down.  He’s a creep and a stalker.  He harasses Roxanne at work and keeps pestering her for a date no matter how many times she says no.  Either consciously or unconsciously, he assumes that she’s shallow, and that once he has a muscular body and a bevy of godlike abilities, she’ll fawn on him.  The idea that he himself might be the problem never seems to occur to him.  In fact, he seems to feel that she will then owe him her affection.  This is because, even before becoming Titan, Hal appears to have an overblown sense of self-importance and an unrealistic concept about what he deserves.  (I go into detail about that in an earlier post, Megamind and Identity, which you can read here.)  The fact that he doesn’t get what he feels is his right seems to have created a deep-seeded bitterness in him that rises to the surface once he obtains power.

But Hal really is the problem.  His combined possessive harassment and complete lack of empathy are exactly why Roxanne neither likes nor trusts him.  And she’s right to feel that way.  Almost immediately after gaining his powers, now feeling that he is above society’s rules, Titan begins revealing just how terrible of a person he really is.  He uses his supervision to spy on Roxanne while he and Megamind (disguised as Space Dad) are in the park, and that must not be the only incident because he later tells Roxanne: “I know everything about you.”  This is just before he grabs her off of her balcony, without her consent, and begins throwing her around like a rag doll, terrifying her and putting her life in real danger because, apparently, he thinks she’ll be impressed.

Yeah.  This guy is pretty much human garbage.

Once he finally understands (more or less) that Roxanne really means it when she says she’s not interested, Hal/Titan reveals himself to be a man-child.  He  begins by using his abilities for selfish and criminal reasons, essentially stating that he doesn’t feel heroism is worth his time.  When he learns that Megamind has been dating Roxanne, (albeit in disguise,) he reacts with violence.  This is because Megamind, like Hal himself, is an outsider: unpopular, unwelcome, and considered unattractive by most of the population of Metro City.  In Hal’s mind, this revelation highlights the fact that none of these factors were the cause of Roxanne’s rejection, leaving only he himself to blame.  (In fact, the movie contrasts Megamind, who, although imperfect, respects Roxanne’s wishes and intelligence, with Hal, who basically views her as an object to be won.  Again, you can read more about that in Megamind and Identity.) Hal can’t handle that.  He can’t accept it.  So instead he turns his rage on the city as a whole.  (This is despite the fact that, deep down, Hal knows he is the problem, hence why he rejects his identity as Hal and fully embraces the new one as Titan.  That’s illustrated by his final line before abandoning Roxanne on Metro Tower: “It’s Titan, not Hal!”)

Hal abuses his power, and society suffers as a result.  Even then, however, Hal/Titan still tries to lay claim to Roxanne.  He accuses Megamind of “stealing his girlfriend,” and later tells Roxanne: “Let me guess, after seeing how awesome I am, you’ve come to your senses.”  All the way to the end, Hal still can’t quite seem to accept that reality is not following his design.

If the idea of a man who lets power go to his head, objectifies women, won’t take “no” for an answer, and reacts violently when denied what he feels he’s owed sounds familiar, that’s because it is.  Humanity has a huge problem with these sorts of behaviors, ranging from sexism and sexual predation to unfeeling abuses of power.  The Sarah Everard case in London, and the fact that several officials essentially blamed the victim, asking why Sarah was walking home alone rather than asking why some guy felt he had the right to attack her, is the most recent well-known testament to this, but it’s sadly far from the only one.  A.J. White said it best in his YouTube video, The Terror of the Incel Superman, when he expressed that news archives are full of stories about women being murdered by the sort of overgrown boys who can’t accept their refusals.  And although men of that sort do not have the ability to fly or shoot lasers out of their eyes, some of them do rise to social and political power.  They are Hals. 

That is exactly what makes this character so especially scary.  Unlike more farcical supervillains, he is based upon something that truly exists.  Preternatural abilities aside, Hal is terrifying because he is very real.  Let’s just hope our world will see more Megaminds willing to stand up to them. #BeMegamindNotHal

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

please please a part 2 of that gamer!geralt au, them doing something like Q&A

Nonie, I hope you know what you signed up for. This got out of hand lmao. like 2.4k of Q&A kind of out of hand. 

Warnings: swearing, talk of drinking to excess, kinda spicy questions, lil kisses, idk how but I meant for this to be goofy and horny and it got kinda soft? what’s new?

____________

“Holy shit,” Geralt sat staring at his phone as he mindlessly stirred pasta.

“I swear to god, if you found a way to burn noodles-” Jaskier turned away from the blender to wave a wooden spoon covered in pesto puree.

Geralt shook his head and held his phone up to him, scrolling through the replies to a tweet as he did, going on for ages as Jaskier’s jaw slowly got closer to the floor.

“What are those for?!”

“I put up a poll for a boyfriend Q&A or a game review and not a single person has voted for the game review.” Geralt was still scrolling through questions people wanted answered as he watched Jaskier’s face go from shock to confusion to a smug grin. 

“They love me,” he sang, kicking his heel up as he turned back to the pasta sauce.

Geralt rolled his eyes and started screenshotting some of the less invasive questions, shaking his head and muttering, “Course they do.”

-

Geralt pressed record, waited a moment, and heaved a dramatic, long-suffering sigh, “You guys literally didn’t even give me a choice on this one,” he reached off frame and scruffed Jaskier, plopping him down on the couch with him. 

Jaskier didn’t stay where he was put for even a moment, using his momentum to bounce up onto Geralt’s lap with a shit-eating grin, “Oh? Are we rolling?”

Geralt dropped his forehead to Jaskier’s shoulder, stifling a laugh, “This is gonna be a long one.”

“Yeah, it is,” Jask agreed, then turned to the camera, stroking Geralt’s hair, “My fans want more!”

“OH-kay,” Geralt manhandled Jaskier to sit next to him which earned him a pout and a leg draped over his lap as he continued his intro, “I’ve got a bunch of questions from twitter. I didn’t even have to confirm which video we would do, you guys just went straight for the kill. I picked a few, Jask picked a few, neither of us knows which ones the other picked.” he turned to see Jaskier wiggle his eyebrows at the camera, “Why am I thinking you picked the raunchy ones?”

The brunet pretended to be offended before he smirked, “Only a few.”

Geralt rolled his eyes. “Of course,” he nudged Jask with his shoulder and opened up his phone to his screenshots, “Okay! First up is AdamSandlersBitch, nice name. They asked what Jaskier’s favorite gaming console and game to play is.” he turned to Jaksier with raised eyebrows.

His boyfriend cringed, “My.. my phone? I don’t know? I play a lot of Candy Crush while I listen to podcasts?”

Geralt smiled sweetly, “Wait what about Stardew Valley? I thought you started that?”

“I did!” Jaskier brightened up for a moment before he deflated again, “But I got confused and then the ADHD made me bake cookies.”

“Those were good cookies. I’ll play with you if you want?” Geralt’s normal ‘streamer dude’ persona melted away while he played with the rips on Jaskier’s jeans. 

Jask leaned forward and kissed his temple, “I’d love that.” 

Geralt blushed, even after years, Jaskier’s affection still caught him off guard. 

“Mkay! My turn!” Jaskier flashed his devilish grin and read, in his most obnoxious voice, “Dwn2Clwn said ‘do you two live together? Have you said ‘i love you’? And who tops?’”

Geralt’s mouth twisted into an upside-down U as he stared at Jaskier in muted surprise, “Honestly, not as bad as I expected.”

Jaskier looped his arm around Geralt’s, “I’m starting off easy.”

Geralt let his mock-disapproving gaze linger just a bit before he answered, “The living together is kind of new-like a few months. This one said ‘I love you’ on, what? The fourth date? Fifth?”

“Fourth.”

“No, it was the fifth, Eskel locked himself out on the fourth. Remember?”

“Shit you’re right,” Jaskier gave the camera a stern look, “In my defense, we’d been friends for a good four years before this. I wasn’t just confessing my love to a tinder date - though I have done that before.”

Geralt nodded, “That was very amusing.”

Jaskier tapped his nose, “Don’t avoid the last part, darling.”

Geralt huffed and stared down the camera, and, in the most matter of fact tone possible, said, “We switch. Compromise, folks. Can’t have one person doing all the work all the time.”

Jaskier nodded sagely, patting Geralt's chest, “We got a pow-”

Geralt clamped his hand over Jaskier’s mouth, 100% sure he was going to say ‘power bottom pillow princess’, “Nope. I’ll get demonetized for that.”

“But not who tops?” Jaskier asked through Geralt’s fingers.

He just shrugged, “I don’t make the rules.”

Jaskier tapped his phone and raised his eyebrows, telling him to move to the next question. 

“Mis- Mischanication? Shit I hope I said that right, Mischanication asked, ‘would you ever get a pet together?’ We did! Her name is Roach and she’s a little shit! I told Jaskier not to feed her, but he did, now we have the snuggliest, crankiest cat I’ve ever met!” 

Jaskier had gotten up to pluck Roach from her perch on the windowsill when Geralt had read the question and plopped down with her as Geralt finished his proud speech, “She’s not a little shit! She’s just delicate! Isn’t that right, darling?”

Geralt scratched under her chin and cooed, “You are a nasty little dragon baby, aren't you?! Just a little garbage child! Yes, you are. We love the tiny demon beast.”

“Geralt!”

He snickered and kissed Jaskier’s hair, “Next question, love.”

Jaskier grumbled something about positive reinforcement as Roach scampered back to her cat tree and he unlocked his phone for his next tweet, “This darling wants to remain anonymous,” Geralt gave him some serious side-eye at that, “they said ‘I think I’m in love with the flower twink, where can I find one of my own?’”

Geralt frowned at the camera and pulled Jaskier onto his lap, holding him close and snuggling into his chest, almost growling, “Hands off.”

Jaskier giggled, brushing Geralt’s hair out of his face as he talked to the camera, “You heard the man. Unfortunately, I was not mass-produced and I’ve been spoken for.”

Geralt looked up at him with what could only be called suspicious puppy eyes, “You picked that one just to sit in my lap didn’t you?”

“Yes. And because I want to change my socials to ‘flower twink’.” 

“Do it,” Geralt kept Jaskier on his lap as he swiped to his next question, “Eggsfuckingsuck - heh, my dad hates eggs- Eggsfuckingsuck says, ‘what is the most embarrassing thing you’ve caught each other doing/saying?’ Oh boy, do I have a story for you!”

"Oh I couldn't say the thing but you can tell this story!?" 

"...you have a point... Check my insta stories. I'll put it there after I post this." 

Jaskier nodded, ever so pleased, and turned to the camera, "Our dear Yennefer of sorceryglammour once beat Geralt at trivia night when the theme was 'video games'." 

“We did shots before we went to the bar and she goaded me and Lambert into a chugging competition before the round started. I’m telling you, she planned this. Yen is ruthless.” Geralt desperately tried to justify his defeat but Jaskier was having none of it. 

“She’s mostly harmless, plus I have video evidence from that night. You weren’t that far gone.”

“Pull it up! Let’s settle it.”

Jaskier patted Geralt’s head like one would a toddler, “I’d have to get my old laptop out. Later, darling.”

Geralt had a smug look on his face, “That means he doesn’t have it anymore.”

“Next question!” Jaskier squeaked, not at all changing the subject. 

Geralt shrugged, “If you admit I won that one.”

“It’s not a competition!” Jaskier laughed, looking down at him with that stupidly smitten look on his face.

“Hmmm…” Geralt tilted his chin up defiantly, “if you say so.”

Jaskier kissed him, lingering a little bit more than could be considered chaste, “I do.” 

Geralt looked up at him, batting his eyelashes, “Fine then, next question.”

Jaskier handed him his phone and he read it off leaning his head on Jaskier’s shoulder, “CountryBumpkin42 asked if we play any instruments. I play the recorder very poorly, but Jask plays everything.”

“Not everything, but yes, I could cover a Trans Siberian Orchestra song if I had a pedalboard with enough loop settings.” Jaskier preened. 

“And more,” Geralt added, counting on his fingers as he spoke, “In this house alone he has two pianos, three different types of guitars, a drumset, a violin and fiddle, a flute and piccilo, an oboe, a mandolin, a lute, bongos, saxophone, clarinet, tambourine, trumpet, and xylophone. Did I get them all?”

Jaskier glanced from side to side with a guilty look, “Ah… no, I bought a bass sax that showed up last night.”

“Oh, did Thursday at 3 decide they wanted to switch after all?”

“Yeah! She got the third chair as a freshman on a loaner instrument! I’m very proud!”

Geralt seemed to remember they were recording and turned back to the camera, “J teaches music at the university and does private lessons.” 

“It’s how I can afford such a pretty trophy boyfriend,” Jaskier teased, ruffling Geralt’s hair and earning a little chuckle.

“Mkay, what do you have next?”

Jaskier smoothed Gearalt’s hair back down as he read the next question, “3R4108F6!J asks if we have any cute nicknames for each other.”

Geralt’s eyebrows nearly flew past his hairline, “J has a new one for me almost every day.”

“Its true,” Jaskier nodded, “I am a slut for cute nicknames. This morning was Ger Bear, one of my faves. I called him Thumbs for a bit, I lovingly call him Dumb Fuck rather often.”

“And he is Dip Shit, it’s balanced. I usually just shorten names? Jask or J is usually it, right?” Geralt asked, shifting so Jaskier was sitting on the couch between his legs and they were both turned out toward the camera but very much still cuddling. 

“And when I’m being childish I get Alfie. But Geralt is much more deliberate and specific with his nicknames. It’s a bit of a friendship level up when he uses nicknames.”

Geralt frowned at him, “I do that?”

Jaskier giggled, “You never noticed?”

He tilted his head, giving Jaskier a quizzical look, “Not at all.”

Jaskier cupped Geralt’s cheek, “You’re so cute.”

Geralt blushed again, leaning into the touch just a tad, “Who’s turn is it?”

“Yours,” Jaskier hummed, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. 

“Okay,” Geralt blushed even more, “I had this one as an alternate, but uh, Yen asked what we’d name our first kid?” 

Jaskier leaned into Geralt’s shoulder and hummed as he thought for a moment, “I always like Blake or Spencer, but I seem to remember you saying something about old world traditional names?”

Geralt nodded, absentmindedly running his fingers up and down Jaskier’s arm, “My grandma was hoping each of us boys would be a girl and wanted mum to name us Cirilla every time. I quite like it, but I’m rather open as long as I don’t know someone with the name. I really like Eric?” 

“Oo, I like Eric.”

“But you like the neutral names.”

“I do, but it’s your hypothetical kiddo too.”

Geralt gave him a little squeeze, “There’s time for that later. What’s your next one?”

Jaskier snorted when he looked at his phone, “What are your guys’ love languages?”

Geralt just looked down at Jask, completely entangled in his arms, then up to the camera, “I’m gonna hazard a guess at physical touch.” 

“Yeah, I think that’s a safe bet,” Jaskier giggled, “I haven’t taken the quiz in years, but I was that and gifts.”

“Oh, yeah. Physical touch and words of affirmation. I got like a 0 on acts of service and gifts, but I really like giving gifts.” 

“Mhm, yes you do,” Jaksier wiggled his eyebrows, then turned to the camera, “I also had no idea you could have different giving and receiving languages till I met this one.”

Geralt nodded then turned to him with a slight frown, “you know I really thought your questions were going to be more graphic.”

“Oh, honey I saved the best for last,” Jaskier winked. 

“Fuck me,” Geralt grumbled before reading off his last question, “Cali852 asked what we did for Pride.”

Jaskier’s eyes lit up, “Oh Pride was fun. We watched the parade, of course, then Yen did our makeup and… and where did we go after that?”

Geralt looked like he’d been waiting for this, “We went to a club, where you ordered three kamakazis, knocked them all back, danced for twenty minutes, then I took you home.”

“N-no… we went to the beach, didn’t we?”

“That was the year before. We were going to go to the drag show at our regular bar too, but someone had just finished grading finals and went a little too hard.” 

Jaskier grinned, “Speaking of finals, time for the last question. I had a different one in mind but if the thing I cant say from earlier would get this demonetized then that defintitelyi would. So we’re going with ‘what is the wackest placy y’all banged?’”

Geralt snorted, “Shit who knows anymore?”

“Well there was the boat?”

“Or the train?”

“Nah, too standard. What about the cabin?”

“Heh, no I think your o-”

“I don’t have tenure darling,” It was Jaskier’s turn to slap his hands over Geralt’s mouth, “The answer is a dilapidated structure my parents still try to call a cabin out in the foothills.”

Geralt laughed and pulled his hand away, “Okay, that can be the answer.”

“Is that it? Now we just say bye?” Jaskier looked between Geralt and the camera.

Geralt shrugged, “Yeah. You wanna say the thing?”

Jaskier wiggled with a little pride and excitement, “Don’t forget to like and subscribe! Bye Fuckers!”

They both waved for a couple seconds before Geralt got up and turned the camera off. He popped out the memory card and was going to immediately start loading it onto his computer but Jask hooked his finger through a belt loop as he walked past and tugged him back down. 

“I’m tired. Snuggle with me.” 

Geralt hummed, “We just snuggled that whole time.”

Jaskier heaved a dramatic sigh, “I know and this is exhausting. I don’t know how you talk to a camera all day.”

Geralt stretched to set the chip on top of his laptop before collapsing back on top of Jaskier who had stretched the length of the couch, “Are you making fun of me?” he teased. 

Jaskier cupped his face between his hands and pulled him up for a deep kiss, “Oh never.” 

[destinygoldenstar]

How Dhar Mann Thinks Playing Girls is Bad, but Playing Guys is Good (My thoughts on ‘Guy dates two girls from the same school, LIVES TO REGRET IT’)

Why Am I not covering the video in depth? Well because most of what I said in my ‘How Dhar Mann Unintentionally Makes Bad Messages’ post ALSO applies here. Dhar Mann’s messages in both of these videos are basically “Guys playing girls is bad, but Girls are COMPLETELY justified in playing guys.” “Ruining people’s lives is a good thing.” “Wanting to not be lonely is bad.” “Being in a stable relationship is NOT good.” “NO, we’re NOT going to go in depth why.”

In this specific video, a guy is lonely after a breakup with his girlfriend, and is suffering a severe identity crisis. To cope, he wants to try and find a new date, new friends, new girls to hang out with and talk to. Okay, what’s wrong with that?

Well, the message HERE is:

1: Just be alone, it’s better for you

Peers are EVIL.

Sociality is a BAD THING. Okay, so this video is trying to call out Nice Guys, fine, that DOES need to be called out. But there’s saying incels are bad, and then there’s saying sociality with the opposite gender ITSELF is the problem. Like, oh, a guy wants more than one girl’s phone number? HOW DARE HE.

HOW DARE HE TRY TO FIND FRIENDS, BUT NOT KNOW HOW TO DO IT RIGHT!

Like, why CAN’T he hang out with more than one girl? They established he’s just trying to find people to hang out with, that’s why he’s doing this. That’s not specifically dating, that’s literally just being with people for a weekend. 

And they’re trying SO HARD to make the guy look like this huge jerk and an absolute incel... but he’s NOT. He’s actually one of the most likeable characters in the video because he’s just trying to hang out with people. He’s not hurting them! He’s not using them for malicious intent! He just wants to hang out with them! 

Trust me, I have A HUGE history with Nice Guys, and this dude aint it. Or maybe that’s just because I was smart and didn’t fall for any of that junk. And trust me, saying no only makes the situation TEN TIMES WORSE.

A dude confessed to me, I rejected, he told the whole school we were dating anyway, (we weren’t) and EVERYONE believed him.

He made up a whole story about how we were married and had kids, and EVERYONE believed that.

He took me hostage at school once and proposed to me with a carrot. EVERY TIME I said NO. And as punishment, I was seen as the one in the wrong.

I absolutely do not regret dumping him.

But for SOME REASON, this dude in the video can’t bring himself to be upfront with the girls he’s dating, and say “I want to hang out with you both! I want to spend the weekends with you girls! I want people to be with! Why don’t we all just get along?”

Okay, so maybe THAT could be the message? You can have more than one person in your life, just be straight with everyone on what’s going on.

NOPE.

Instead the guy is supposed to be a garbage human being. 

Which, Dhar Dhar, you got Nice Guys completely wrong.

And then because this guy can’t even tell them what’s going on, NOBODY confronts him about how his lying isn’t going to negatively affect anything, or how he should just be honest with them on his feelings! NOPE, INSTEAD they demand that he should be ON HIS OWN. He should NOT be hanging out with ANYONE, AT ALL.

(I’d like to point out that this video was hash tagged ‘inspirational’)

And then his ex comes back and finds him, and he’s super happy! He’s happy to see her! He expresses how much he’s missed her, how she’s been missing him, they start to click again and work things out-

And then the other girls RUIN HIS LIFE

2: Ruining lives is GOOD

FOR SOME STUPID REASON, the girls, who didn’t even find out what was with the guy on screen, make a video recording where they say “hey, this dude is trash, lol” with NO evidence to back that up, they somehow GET ACCESS TO THE ENTIRE SCHOOL COMMUNICATION SYSTEM TO DELIVER THAT,

AND THEN EVERYONE INSTANTLY BELIEVE THEM.

ALL THE GIRLS LINE UP and they say “Dude, you trash! We hate you! You’re an INCEL! You’re AWFUL! NOBODY will EVER want to be around you EVER AGAIN! Get out of our lives you stupid lonely boi!”

And AGAIN, I said this before and I’ll say it here, this guy’s life being ruined, is caused ENTIRELY by the girls! NOT HIM! The girls do the exact same thing the guy did, but are seen as justified for some reason. 

Is this female empowerment? Because it just makes girls look like b***hes.

So they make it clear that NOBODY will ever want to hang out with him, and the guy’s like, “Yeah, they’re right. I should be alone instead. That’s WAY better.”

So not only are we encouraging that socialization is a crime, but we’re also encouraging trashing on people as well. Okay. Thanks Dhar Mann.

The reason this post isn’t as in depth as the last ones is because A) I discussed these topics before in previous posts, and B) I didn’t really find enough to go over here. The incel boy, again, is NOT even an incel boy, he’s just incompetent at socialization. And he actually has a legit motivation for the ‘bad’ stuff he does. But I guess I could also be mad that the boy’s loneliness is portrayed as a good thing and something to be proud of, where in real life it’s a start to mental illnesses, but Dhar Mann has done worse. So... really I could be angrier at this than I actually am.

Next thing I might actually have to go over older Dhar Mann videos instead to go in detail the bad messages he’s giving out.

[serenedash]

I started rambling about my experience with kh and then it turned into khux and then it just turned into me rambling about Ryou and my art journey????? enjoy I guess,

it’s very long but there’s art in there :)

It’s funny to think about my kh journey as a whole tbh, I grew up watching my mom play video games, which included kh1 and 2. I wasn’t allowed to play the playstation2 we owned BUT I did have a gameboy so the first game I played was CoM (after my mom finished it ofc,) so I guess you could say I’ve always been passionate about kh “””side games””” lmao but I did fall off of kh very quickly bc again, I wasn’t allowed to play our PS2 and also I Am A Terrible Gamer I’ve Never Finished CoM I’m sorry you all had to find out like this, but then 358/2 came out when I was in middle school and!!! I didn’t care and I didn’t play idk why lol

Anyway, fast forward to high school I’m like 15 and my older sister, who HAS been keeping up with kh, has a wallpaper on her phone of roxas and ventus. And bc I haven’t kept up I say “nice roxas wallpaper” and she says “thanks but it’s roxas and ventus” and I proceeded to get so mad that I was determined to prove to her that her wallpaper was just roxas twice and then I fell down the BBS rabbit hole and suddenly I was reading about vanitas and then I’m reading the fan translations of the BBS novel and I’m crying??? I am sobbing???? and that’s how I actually got into kh for real lol we are vanitas stans before we are people,

It’s so funny how I thought I was some kh super fan, knowing all this stuff that I spent so long reading and rewatching cutscene movies, but I never once, SOMEHOW NEVER ever came across khx. It’s so absurd and bizarre I seriously have no idea how I never once encountered khx prior to khux. I suppose that has to do with the fact I wasn’t involved in the fandom? In early high school I had stepped away from fandoms as a whole and I didn’t have any interest in really posting content or interacting with fans anymore bc of how burnt out I was from a previous fandom,

but khux released! and I was so hype and excited for it! on launch day I was a senior in high school, I had ran around to every “nerd” and weeb I could find in school to ask them to join my party and fun fact about me is I have crippling social anxiety I literally refuse to start conversations irl so holy shit I was OUT HERE doing the MOST

My player just originally had my name (Matt) but everyone in my party had fun names so Ryou was born! High school was one big yugioh phase for me and ryou bakura is one of my favorite characters ever so it was just the logical name choice lol I quickly started creating Ryou, the character, as well. I was also leaving my homestuck phase and that + vanitas obsession made This character design (art circa 2016)

If y’all are familiar with my kh oc’s you might notice that keyblade now belongs to my kid Monty LOL

Anyway that got scrapped quickly for the chip and dale outfit (which is where Ryou’s trademark goggles are from <3) Goggles have been a staple of my character designs for a LONG TIME so like, it had to be done, (that’s a separate ramble about a separate oc tho)

OG Ryou was an interesting guy; he was a young party leader with this overwhelming responsibility on his shoulders bc of his status as a party leader. In his original story, he also struggled heavily with darkness, much like Terra but for Ryou it was more that the darkness was controlling him and not like a source of power like it was for Terra

A big part of early Ryou I kept, however, was the crushing awareness of loss. One of my party members (the strongest one at the time,) had left without saying a word and I was very confused and hurt. This was around the time the ephemera plot was happening so I decided to incorporate it into Ryou’s story; having him experience losing a friend to darkness since it’s so normal for wielders in Daybreak Town to just disappear, and this would unintentionally become a theme for both me and Ryou as khux friends would just randomly disappear.

I was desperate for khux at this point and I decided to watch the fan translations for khx and GOD, god, was I obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about the foretellers. And I’m not going off about that here bc I already did that, but I actually started entering fandom again! I did it slowly, I started on tumblr before this blog was made altho it was me sending anons to the few khux related blogs I could have lol a friend convinced me to get twitter where I got involved with the ffxv fandom, which led me to the kh fandom and eventually the khux fandom there which is what REALLY got me going on khux.

I joined discord servers, most of the servers I’m in are khux related, and from there I joined the khux oc rp (shout out to anyone there who might be reading this lol here’s some art from the beginning of the rp,)

It’s SO FUNNY how the RP influenced me so heavily. I hadn’t RP’d in YEARS, I used to have a strict no oc rp policy, but here I was? And the funny part is, I had barely developed Ryou. I had scrapped his original story and all I had was POST WAR Ryou so I literally had to reverse write him; I had only ever written him as a depressed, guilt ridden adult, but it was a fucking blast and I have such fond memories of this rp when it was active,

But anyway, this encouraged me to get more serious about art! I started drawing, writing, cosplaying, and roleplaying when I hadn’t done any of that stuff in a very long time. The first time I ever drew a background was for a deviant art khux competition actually LOL

also! I always think extremely fondly of the drawing I did of Aced in the keyblade war. It was also one of the first backgrounds I ever drew and it felt like my real starting point in the khux fandom. It got a ton of notes on here and someone wrote a tiny fic in a reblog which just made me SO HAPPY like it really felt like people were noticing me :) I was going to draw a matching Ira but!! I just never did!! One day tho, it’s on my art bucket list to redraw this along with Ira,

Aside from my personal growth, khux was great for my social life ngl, I made SO MANY friends online and got to meet a ton of people irl over the years! It’s crazy to think about all the people I now know and talk to? It honestly makes me really emotional. I’ll never forget taking the train into NYC and meeting up with discord friends. Going to conventions and talking with people about the latest khux update? Absolutely insane and those were some GOOD TIMES, if I thanked every khux friend or even just person who made an impact on me then we’d be here for a LONG TIME,

Fun fact, for my Lauriam cosplay all I needed to buy was the wig I just owned his outfit LOL also? Probably retiring that cosplay ngl people treated me like absolute garbage when I wore him and it led to a lot of confidence issues for awhile ngl. That’s probably one of the only memorable negative experiences I have with khux; it was great when khux people recognized me but for kh fans that weren’t in khux? They were FUCKING MEAN??? fuck kh fandom at large, I only care about khux fandom,

This leads me to another huge part of my experience in khux fandom: THEORIES!! I used to write SO MANY and oh my god my brain was so full all the time. It was a huge appeal for me in the fandom; I had been previously writing theory posts in the RWBY fandom and it just migrated over to khux for me lol I had done a ton of theorizing around Lauriam tbh, it was really the only reason I liked his character at all bc initially I did not care about the dandelions, anyone who wasn’t Skuld I was like “please leave Now thanks”

A funny part of khux fandom I never intended to be apart of is the MEMES, I really only started doing memes as stress relief bc college had me so busy all I had time/energy for was these quick little shit post drawings.

The first meme I made, file name “invi despair” LOL we need to get her a girlfriend smh anyway, I think in my senior year of college I did a bunch of rapid fire memes all in one month bc the stress of finals was getting so bad afdgfhdgf as far as I know my impact on this fandom will be my memes bc all I do now is enter a kh/khux server and introduce myself and I go “yeah I draw art. here’s a meme” and everyone goes OH YOU, honestly I am nothing if not a clown

I’ve talked so much idk where I’m going with this. Khux is just a good game even if the gameplay actually kind of really sucks yknow lol but it was the first game I played where I like, REALLY got into the meta and the mechanics. I used to read so much on the mechanics and watch youtube videos on which medals were worth pulling for. I was never a whale or a top player exactly, but I could rank well if I tried lol I’ve made it to the top 100 for solo rankings, my party has made it to top 10, and in pvp I’ve made top 300. I’m not the highest level in my party but FUCK do I know how to manipulate this game LOL

And with all that hard work, the strategies, the theorizing, the content I’ve made-- it’s been my life for 5 years. I’ve logged into khux almost every single day. At the end, I have logged 1820 days in khux out of 1910 days. Kinda crazy. Crazier I’ve never spent money on khux either lol the only “money” gone into it was one time my mom gave me a google play store gift card and I used it on my birthday for a VIP xemnas medal which eventually made it to regular pulls anyway but it was nice and a little treat :)

I’m not a gacha fan, I don’t care for it, so I don’t think I’ll be touching another gacha again. But for kh? This was pretty fucking awesome, even if it sucked a lot sometimes LOL It was worth it for the people I’ve met most of all I think. I would honestly be a completely different person without khux and that’s REALLY insane to think about.

[eternallovers65]

I was watching ikon tv on YouTube again and that made me look at a bunch of old clips from kpop, and I just want to say FUCK THE BIG 3 SO MUCH OR ANY OTHER COMPANY THAT TREATS IDOLS LIKE SHIT

JYPE

Blatantly favoritism over Twice and Stray Kids, which leads to overworking them, and zero to nonexistent comebacks to got7 and day6 (idk about itzy bc I'm not a fan). For example in 2018, Twice had 6 comebacks (japanese/singles included) and in both 2017/19 they had 5 (japanese/singles included) Stray Kids on the year they debuted, 2018, had 4 and in 2019 they had 5 (japanese/singles included).

This situation got so bad that during a vlive Jeongyeon cried because of how overworked she was. She, Mina and Jisung had to take a break from promotion, I know that those breaks were in different eras but I think that there's a link on why only members of the most overworked groups needed a break.

Also Got7 has like zero promotion, when they had the world tour ahgases were the ones to promote then, because jype didn't bought ads. The boys songs were refused so many times, Mark's schedule were canceled so he couldn't meet his family. They refused to give a solo career to Yugyeom and Mark, when they failed to protect the boys from the sasaengs which lead them moving out so many times and on why Jackson got injured.

Edit: I am more than glad to say that today, 10th of January, all members of Got7 are leaving Jype. #Got7forever💚 I love you boys, thank you for 7 years of happiness, and I'll proudly continue to support all of you

How they forced that visual and hairstyle on Jeongyeon, even tho she didn't wanted it, she said during a vlive that she wanted to grow her hair but the company used to cut shorter everytime. They are extremely strict with the weight and the food, a few artists like Sunmi already said that. Somi has told some stories about how they had to sneak food and hide eating in the bathroom, and when Momo was forced to lose 7kg in seven days only to appear in a showcase.

The famous situation flag situation with Tzuyu. She was 16 when that happened, she introduced herself as Taiwanese and held the Taiwan flag as well. Which lead to many to many chinese users saying she was a pro-independence activist, she was barred from the Chinese television and suspended of all her activities in China. 2 months later, on the day of the election in Taiwan, Jype posted a video of her reading an apology saying that there's only one China and she is extremely proud to be Chinese. She was 16 at the time, and you can see during the video that she is so scared, sad and clearly hesitating on saying what she's reading, the whole video just has this weird, forced vibes. The 3 presidential candidates said that video was too cruel for a 16 year old girl and that she didn't need to apologize.

YG

I will never forgive yg for disbanding 2ne1, for not helping G-Dragon when he was accused of plagiarism and started suffering from depression but had to continue with the promotion. Same thing with Top that was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression, and suffered a overdose because of the marijuana scandal but yg had also nothing to say.

For releasing Hanbin in a DAY because of false accusations, while it took them WEEKS to release s***gri and only after he released a statement saying that he was leaving bigbang. And for not telling the public or for not defending Jennie during that time everyone were saying she was lazy when in fact she had an ankle injury, but still continued the promotions.

SM

Whether we like to admit or not, SM is probably the best company in the kpop history if we're talking about success, they have a formula that works over and over again, it's a pattern, we can especially see it in Suju, Shinee, Exo and Nct. But omg they have zero compassion for their idols.

Starting from the training, we all know the training for the debut is really difficult, but a lot of people say that between all the companies SM is the worst one, they are extremely strictly and controlling , especially the managers who abuse the power. They have this curated-ness that is quite toxic, and leads to an incredibly perfectionistic and controlling management system. Kai used to practice 8 hours a day so that everything was perfect, like surely work it out bc Kai is one of the best dancers in the industry, but still that's a lot of hours you're basically overworking yourself (I think)

As a result, many idols have even more outstandingly brutal beauty standards than there already are in the kpop industry generally. especially intense weight-loss standards, Taeyeon already said this, during the first 5 years of GG she was constantly battling with eating disorders. Baekhyun has this diet where, instead of eating the food he only chews and then spits out, Sehun in 2017 (I think) had this stage on the Exo tour and he said that he spend an entire month on diet, so he could do that stage. Taemin said on a few episodes of Mtopia that he was on a diet, but you can clearly see that he was extremely thin. Also they have a part in their contracts about plastic surgery, you can see that almost every SM artist has done it a double eyelid surgery.

The blatantly favoritism over Korean idols and the mistreats that happens with idols that aren't Korean (especially with they're chinese), as we saw many times already with examples like Tao, Kris, Luhan, Lay, Winwin, Ten and Lucas before they joined WayV. Or favoritism with certain members of groups, like Taeyong in Nct, of course that favoritism is a part of their formula but still pretty fucked up.

They have such a questionable promotion, like I already read once about. They said that SM promotes the new groups so they can form a better fan base and that way no longer will need the promotion, but still this is extremely bad. Like with BoA, Tvxq or Suju who are still relevant but we barely hear news about them because SM doesn't promote then, and I can already see this with Exo especially in their latest comeback.

They manage mental health horrifically. Like with Taeyeon in 2014/15 when a member (bc SM treated Jessica as garbage) of her group had to leave, which lead to the midia saying it was her fault alongside with the hate she received at that time because of her relationship with Baekhyun, that lead to her depression and eating disorders. Same thing happened with Baek, although he didn't receive the same amount of hate, he still had to suffer with his relationship being in the spotlight while 3 members of his group left, because AGAIN SM treated them as fucking garbage.

For stop carrying about f(x), as a result lead to a witch hunt on Victoria saying that it was her fault for that happening, for Sulli who was suffering from a mental illness but never received a break nor the protection from the media that used to say that she was a bad example. For Jonghyun who was also suffering from depression but never got any help or a break.

And our latest examples Irene and Chanyeol. I don't approve Irene's actions, but the fact that the media is so ruthless with her it's ridiculous and even more ridiculous of SM to not defend their idol, especially when there's so many other celebrities that are WAY worse than her. And for Chanyeol, who was accused of cheating on his girlfriend 10 times, but SM had nothing to say or to defend his image. It took the fans for that to happen, the fans were the ones to find out that was a fake and cover up scandal so the news about the government crisis were not to be seen.

They are so bad at dealing with idol apologies, like why did Taeyong in 2016 had to apologize for something he didn’t do, but they never had anyone apologize for their racist or the cultural appropriation that the idols have done many times already in a lot of mvs????

That's why I hate the kpop industry and the media so fucking much, bc they're ruthless and assholes who are putting so much pressure on the idols, who in the end of the day are humans and are deserving of things like love, privacy and a break to take care of themselves. I truly adore kpop and the dramas, but I'd stop watching and listening with all of my heart if it means that they would stop treating humans beings as fucking trash! They deserve so much more!

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

[eleanorbloom]

When You’re Ready Ch. 10

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 5.3k (Sorry!!!)

Warning: Innuendos at the beginning, then, just angst and a bit of cursing.

A/N: Yes, I’m sorry. Today’s chapter is the longest I’ve done so far, but it’s worth it (at least to me) because is about my babyyyy. Things are going to get harder from now on, so I’m excited for the upcoming chapters!! I hope you enjoy the angst because there’s more to come. Hehe.

A/N2: I’m gonna post some One Shots for Kinktober, so I was wondering if anyone wants to be tagged? It will be BrycexEleanor and DrakexMC from The Royal Romance. I’ve never published anything for TRR but I’m planning to write something in the future. Meanwhile, I’ll exercise with some smut muahaha. So let me know if you wanna be tagged 😏

Taglist @utterlyinevitable @binny1985 @shanzay44 @choicesficwriterscreations @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble @lahellacute @lucy-268​ @aylamreads @cinnamonspongecake @romewritingshop @angela8756

_______

Chapter 10: Stay.

Funny you’re the broken one

But I’m the only one who needed saving.

 “Is that Raf?”—Eleanor raised her head from Bryce’s chest and stared at the ceiling, trying to prick up her ear.

At the distance, it was heard a deep voice in the middle of a mix of laughter.

“Yeah, that’s totally him.”

“What is he doing here so early?”

“Early?”—He chuckled—"It’s midday, babe.”

“Midday?!”—She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and checked. It was 12.10.—"And how we slept through all morning?”

“We stayed up late, don’t you remember? I think we got here like 3 am and then you just couldn’t shut up about how mad you were because Ramsey is being irrational about the influencer girl.”

“Oh, right. Drunken rant.”—Her cheeks blushed—“I’m sorry”

“Why are you sorry?”

“For making you hear all this crap when probably I ranted all night at Donahue’s about it.”

“Actually, you were just pissed off that Ramsey was mad at you, but when we got here you said the real stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Like you think that Ramsey is suspecting about your relationship with me and he’s taking it on you. He’s mad because you went behind his back with the Gwyneth thing, obviously, but he has contained his rage for weeks, and now he’s just… exploding.”

“Oh, fuck, you’re right, I did say that—She covered her face with both hands—"God, I’m so stupid.”

“Why? I think you’re right. He’s been acting like an ass with me this whole time too, he looks at me like I’m a piece of garbage or something.”

“But it’s really unprofessional that he is taking a work issue to an extreme just because he is what? Jealous? Mad that I’m getting over him? It’s very inconsistent of him.”

“Yes, it is. Are you going to do something about it?”

“Like what?”

“Like talk to him, tell him to stop,, that he shouldn’t take it on you at work just because he’s jealous.”

“I… I don’t know, I wouldn’t like to mix things, maybe I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong, Elle. You can’t let him be this ass with you, much less affect your work.”

Bryce saw how her head inside was spinning around, and her hands tensed over his rib cage.

“Just think about it.”—He added, stroking her hair comfortingly—"Don’t think for a second this is your fault, ‘cause it’s not. He made his choice in the first place.”

“I know…”

Eleanor leaned on her elbow to look at him in the eyes, smiling faintly at him.

“Thank you for being so understanding”

Bryce smiled back and then caressed her cheek while his eyes were expressing tenderness and protection.

She nuzzled into his soft chest losing herself into the sweet scent from his neck.

“Let’s focus on something less stressing and boring instead”—She whispered, lovingly.

“Like what?”—He asked tantalizingly roaming his hands through her back.

“Like the fact that I’m finally waking up with you.”

“Aw, you woke up really sugary today, uh?”

“Don’t you like it?”—She asked seriously.

“I have sweet tooth just because of you.”

“Awwww”—Eleanor encircled her arms around his neck pulling him down to her lips.—“You’re saying I’m sugary, but you just gave me a diabetic coma.”

“And I am having constipation ‘cause you, Eleanor Bloom, are being too cheesy.”

She burst out laughing, resonating in the whole apartment.

“Bryce! You’re impossible.”

“And you are impopsicle, babe.”—Before she could retort anything, he caught her lips into his, his hands travelling slowly down her bum. He deepened the kiss the moment she opened her mouth in a sigh.

“Do we have time for a quickie before getting ready for the concert?”

“Is it me or you’re doubting about your timing skills?”

“No, I’m just asking for consent.”

“We are wasting precious seconds, Dr. Lahela.”

Both chuckled before Eleanor pushed him against the bed and climbed on top of him, the sheets falling and pooling behind her, exposing her bare body.

“Sweet, sweet cowgirl ride me till the end of the world if you want”

Eleanor laughed hard again.

“Yeehaw!”—She joked between laughs.

This time it took like two minutes to make her stop. It would have been more if it weren’t for Bryce, who replaced her laughs for other more improper exclamations  that soon had to be hushed too.

By the time Bryce and Eleanor appeared in the living room, all their friends were ready for the Music Festival Eleanor had invited them, courtesy of her patient, Gwyneth Monroe. After a quick chat, they all headed to Cambridge, excited for the new adventure.

The group spent the afternoon eating, drinking, playing lawn games and, of course, enjoying the music. At some point, they split when Eleanor, Kyra, and Aurora decided to see an art exposition while Bryce, Elijah, and Jackie joined Sienna to see an indie band she had been fangirling all afternoon.

Once the group met again, an hour later, it didn’t take long for Bryce and Eleanor to get lost in the crowd, enjoying the music while savoring the moment alone in the open air.

The sun was about to set when Bryce felt his phone buzzing. As he pulled it out of his pocket the letters froze him. He ended the call and saw 10 missing calls and a lot of messages in the notification bar.

“Bryce, where are you?”

“I’m outside your apartment.”

“Bryce, please answer me! Are you at work?”

Eleanor stared at him worried, sensing his nervousness.

“Is everything alright?”

“I… I have to go.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing, I just remembered tomorrow I have a really difficult surgery and I need to study up.”

“Okay.”—Her brows knitted, suspicious.

He kissed her quickly and turned to leave, but she caught his wrist before he could get lost in the crowd.

“Bryce!”

“What?”—He replied, trying to hide the fear that was invading him just right.

“If something wrong you can tell me, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

He smiled faintly and gave her one last kiss before walking out of the crowd.

He didn’t know how he reached the parking lot and got in the car, his hands were trembling and a knot of anxious had settled in his stomach. He pulled the phone out and called back.

“Bryce!”—He heard on the other end of the line—"God, I’ve been trying to reach you for hours, where are you?!”

“Keiki, what’s going on? How is that that you’re in Boston?”

“I’ll explain later, are you coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in forty.”

“Hurry up, I’m bored to death here.”

When he got to his floor, she found a tall girl in a red leather jacket sitting against his door, a backpack between her legs. He barely recognized her, even if he had seen dozens of pictures of her on her social networks. She was a teenager now, not the little girl that said goodbye to him with tears in her eyes when he left for college.

“Keiki”

“Bryce”—She said getting up from the floor. He opened the door a few moments later and both got in.

“Can you explain to me now what you are doing here?”

“Hey, bro, I’m glad to see you too.”—She ironized—“Thanks for the kind welcoming.”

“Keiki, please.”

“I ran away from home, okay?”

“You what?”

“I don’t wanna live there anymore.”

“Keiki, you can’t do that”

“Why not? You did it.”

“I went for college…”—He replied, feeling the guilt sharpening inside him.

“Yes, and then you never came back because you couldn’t stand our parents. It’s the same with me.”

“That doesn’t excuse that you escaped from home and underage. Do you have a plan? Or you’ll just wait until they come here to take you back and maybe they will report me for child kidnap?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Bryce. They wouldn’t that.”

“Still this isn’t right, Keiki. It could’ve happened something to you on your way here.”

“Yeah, but it would have been worth it if it means not spend another second in Maui.”

Bryce looked at her, intrigued. He couldn’t understand how things were bad for her if she had everything she wanted back in Hawai. A room the size of his apartment, all the clothes she wanted, and millions of things to do. But that was enough? He knew well it wasn’t.

“Can I stay with you?”

“Of course, Keiki, but you’ll go back tomorrow. Call mom to know if she can buy you a ticket flight back, I’m not sure I have the money for that.”

“Don’t you understand? I’m not coming back there, Bryce. Period.”

He shook his head and sighed. It was impossible to reason with her, and he knew it wouldn’t get anything by pushing her even more.

“Call her to let her know you’re here, then.”

“I bet she already knows.”

She seated on the couch, looking at him defiantly. He just ignored her act.

“Have you eaten something?”

“Some Doritos I bought around the corner.”

“What do you want to eat? I’m calling a delivery.”

“You don’t cook? I want real food, Bryce.”

“I’m a surgeon, not a chef, Keiki”

“Either way, you should know how to feed yourself by now, how you have survived all these years?”

“Take out.”

“Unbelievable”

Bryce didn’t know what to do. Maybe he could just watch a video on Youtube and cook something basic to save the day. Eleanor’s face popped in his mind, but he shook off the idea as soon as it emerged. Calling her would implicate to tell her the truth about his family and he wasn’t ready for that.

“Okay.”—He said after some deliberation—"I’ll go to the grocery store, so you have food for breakfast tomorrow and all that. Do you wanna go with me?”

“Nah, I’m tired, I think I’m gonna lay down a bit.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be back in a bit.”

The moment he was out of the apartment, Bryce rubbed his hand across his face in exasperation. He didn’t know what to do, how to deal with his sister, and with the mistake he had been making all those years.

He always knew he shouldn’t have left her sister just like he did; never go back to Maui; call her just once in a while to finally only for her birthday. The guilt that has been accompanying him for ten years was materializing now in one of his worst fears: face his sister and deal with the consequences of his abandonment, the rage and the loneliness she might be feeling, all without prior notice.

He tried to clear his mind. At that moment he needed to stay calm to give Keiki the stability she had come to look for with him. He was the adult there, so he couldn’t let the feelings overwhelm him and make Keiki feel worse than she already was. 

Once he regained calmness, Bryce made his way to the grocery store where he collected all the ingredients for a spaghetti recipe he read on the internet, plus some vegetables, fruits, bread, butter, bacon, eggs, cookies, Doritos, so Keiki would have something to have breakfast and eat while she was at his place.

When the doors of the elevator opened again on his floor, she found the silhouette of a woman with a black and golden dress on, talking to Keiki. He froze for a moment until both directed to him.

“Elle”

“Hi Bryce”—She looked at him surprised, while Keiki just eyed them, leaning in the door frame, arms crossed.—“What’s happening?”

“Let’s get inside and talk, okay?”

Keiki moved backwars to let Bryce and Eleanor in. He went straight to the kitchen and set the bags over the counter meticulously, like trying to gain some time before facing her. After a few moments, Bryce turned to Eleanor.  

“Elle, this is my sister Keiki. She arrived today from Maui. She’s visiting.”

“Like hell. I told you I’m not planning to go back there, Bryce.”—She barked while she was flopping on the couch with the remote control in her hand.

“Hi Keiki, I’m Eleanor, nice to meet you”—She replied, giving a smile, even if she wasn’t looking at her.

“Yeah”—The girl just said, her eyes not moving from the TV.

Bryce just sighed, making evident his frustration. Eleanor looked at him worried and then pulled him to the kitchen.

“Can you explain to me now what’s happening? Why your sister ran away from home? Hell, I didn’t even know you had a sister, Bryce.”

Even if he wasn’t ready to talk about it, Bryce knew it wasn’t fair Eleanor didn’t know he had a sister, while she had talked about her family countless times.

“Elle, I…”—Now another fear was materializing: telling the truth about his family to someone from Boston. To the woman he loved, no less.—“To make a long story short, my family was a big deal in Hawaii. When I was in high school my dad went to jail for insider trading, and my mom only got off by testifying against him even though she was right there helping him the whole time.”

Eleanor gazed thoughtfully at him until she realized.

“Oh my god, Bryce… Your parents are The Lahelas? As in property tycoons turned white collars criminals The Lahelas?”

“That’s my family, and Keiki lives with them back in Hawaii. Dad got paroled a while ago for good behavior.”

Bryce saw as she remained in silence, surprise in her eyes. He couldn’t help but wince, waiting for the disappointed look, the disgust, the judgment. But nothing of it came. She instead tried to understand why Keiki was running away from home, what could have triggered that. She tried to convince him that this was not a simple rebellion as he was thinking. There was no judgment in her eyes or words. She just focused on Keiki and how to help him to deal with her.

Once Bryce felt less tense, he asked Eleanor to help him with dinner, which she accepted gladly. Half an hour later, the three of them enjoyed a plate of pasta that felt tastier as it was a result of collaborative work. 

Even if Keiki was hesitant to talk at first, the food put her in such a good mood that Eleanor got her to chat a bit with her, Bryce observing the exchange with admiration. From the answers, Eleanor could tell Keiki was a smart girl and mature for her age; she had a hot temper but the same self-assurance Bryce had, even the same smirks and looks.

“Thanks for dinner, Eleanor. .”—Keiki said before going to sleep.—"Good to know I won’t starve to death my first night here.”

“You’re welcome. It was nice to meet you, Keiki.”

She smiled at her and then got to the room.

Eleanor and Bryce stood in silence for a bit, none of then sure who had to speak first.

“Bryce, why you never told me? This is big.”—Eleanor finally said, standing in front of him, concerned.

“I know… I just…I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of you judging me.”

“Judge you? How could I judge you, Bryce?”

“Because it has always been like this. People know me and it’s okay at first, but then, when they know that I’m the son of a criminal, they assure me it’s okay but they never look at me the same, never treat me the same. They look at me like I’m about to do something, or like I’m a professional liar and I’m trying to cheat on them.”

“Bryce..”—She whispered, cupping his cheeks, her eyes full of sadness.

“I wanted to start from scratch here, no one knowing about my parents, no one judging me for that, just focusing on what I am, on how hard I worked to be at Edenbrook and be known for that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”—She said as he took him in her arms, embracing him tightly.

They stayed in silence for a while.

“How could you ever think that I would judge you, that I would treat you like that? I would never, Bryce. Never.”

“I know but some part of me thought you would.”

“Now I understand why you always changed the topic when I asked you.”

He nodded.

“But now you know you can trust me, right? Whatever you need, I’ll have your back.”

“I know, but… it’s not that simple, Eleanor. Since high school, people have seen me as a disease the moment they know I’m a Lahela, so I’ve never had anyone to trust about what I felt or just tell…stuff… the stress, the sadness… the things friends share. I never needed anyone to deal with problems, I could do it on my own until… until I met you, but I’ve ignored the feeling because I don’t wanna hold on to you, I’m scared that you’ll go away and I’ll lose the one person I trusted.”

“Why would I go?”

“Because nothing’s settled between us. There’s still the possibility that you’ll go with Ramsey or simply break up with me because you don’t want me anymore.”

“Bryce, we’ve been together for two whole months, I’m not planning to go anywhere.”

“Yeah, that’s what you say now, but you still want our relationship to be a secret because you don’t want Ramsey to know and make it a reality, because some part of you don’t want it to be true.”

“How can you say that?”

“Don’t be hypocrite Eleanor, please. I’m not stupid.”—Bryce retorted, hurt. She had never seen him this serious and cold.

“It’s not like that. And I don’t get where you’re going with this.”

“My point is, Eleanor, that I want to trust you, I really do want to tell you what is happening inside my head, but I can’t if the one person I can trust maybe won’t be here with me in two months or in a year. It doesn’t work like that with me. I have to keep on my own as always.”

“Bryce, no matter what, I’ll always be here for you, even if things turn out different-”

“No, Eleanor”—He interrupted—“Please don’t do this. Don’t be this selfish, thinking that if we end up things, we could go back to what we were. If I hold on you, I don’t know how I’ll deal with losing you or be away from you while I heal.”

“Bryce… Don’t be afraid, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith…”

“Don’t you think I haven’t taken enough leaps, Eleanor? I showed my feelings for you, I told you I loved you even before we were dating. You’re the only person I’ve done that with, and yet there is always a possibility that you won’t feel the same ever. And what about you? Yeah, you took a leap when you started dating me, but you can’t take a leap in leaving Ramsey in the past, tell him the truth, scrub all over his face that you moved on, because your ego is terrified that you weren’t enough to heal him. So, don’t dare to tell me that I should take a leap.”

He turned around and sat on the couch, both hands over his hair.

Eleanor looked at him, seeing the real Bryce for the first time. The Bryce that feels in pain, angry, annoyed, frustrated. Vulnerable. Human. The side she had never seen in him and she always wanted to know.

She took a few steps towards him and squatted down to face him.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push you —She murmured—”I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you need me, okay?”

“I know, but I don’t think I’m ready for this, Eleanor. This is too much, and I need to deal with this on my own, that’s how I know best.”

“I understand.—She said softly, while taking his hands on hers.

The moment he felt his touch, his eyes threatened with tears and a knot ached in his throat. He pulled away from her grip.

“I… uh… I need you to go, Eleanor. I want to be alone.”

“Of course”—She replied, standing up.  

Once she collected her things she went to the door.

“Whatever you decide, just remember that I want the best for you, Bryce. I know we are in a complicated situation right now, but I’m doing my best to end this hell soon.”

And she left.

Bryce stood unmoved on the couch recounting the events of the past hours as the tears streamed down his face.

His biggest fears had occurred, and now he was feeling the incessant need of trusting Eleanor, tell her all the pain that was buried in his heart, but he just couldn’t. Just like his issues about his parents,  he had been burying the thoughts about Eleanor not wanting to confront Ethan about their relationship. He knew she still loved him and couldn’t blame her for that, but it was hurting him more than he thought, and he had just ignored his feelings and not said anything to her because if he opened up to Eleanor, even for one single thing, it would be like to open the pandora box, and he wasn’t ready to let all go.

Things were difficult in the next days. Keiki was absolutely decided to stay with him, especially since his parents didn’t reach him or Keiki to make her come back to Maui, and he still didn’t know how to deal with Keiki, because at any try of conversation, they ended up fighting or she ignoring his tries to be friendly.

The frustration and guilty were getting bigger and bigger.

He didn’t speak to Eleanor, and barely spend time with the rest of his friends. He just locked in on himself, focusing on working hard, and go straight home to be with Keiki even if they didn’t say anything or just argued. She was alone all day so she needed some company, and he really wanted to understand her, bonding with her and be like they were before, o maybe not like before, but he wanted to be her brother again.

However, soon he realized that he had been too harsh with Eleanor. Even if she was still in love with Ethan and didn’t want to make it official, it was all within their agreement. And more importantly, she had always been very respectful of their relationship, because she had only eyes and time for Bryce, and even if she wasn’t ready to commit, to tell the truth to Ethan and stop loving him, she was all in the relationship with him. He was her priority, he sensed that. He knew it.  Because she had been refusing any contact with Ethan since he was back.  When Bryce assumed that Eleanor had kissed him the night she stayed at Donahue’s, the reality was different.  And Ethan’s behavior the past weeks was proof of that. So, he felt bad for reacting that way. She didn’t deserve it when she only wanted to help.

*

Bryce was walking by the fourth floor, expecting to find Eleanor there, when he heard heated voices inside an empty room.

“This anger you have against me is about something else and I won’t allow it, Ethan.”

“What do you mean by ‘something else’?”

“Not work-related. You have been an ass to me for weeks, and whatever might be your reason, you’re being unprofessional and you’re exactly what you wanted to avoid.”

Then, absolute silence.

If Bryce was right, Eleanor was confronting Ethan about his behavior in the past weeks. She didn’t address the problem openly, but it was clearly a step he thought she wouldn’t take so soon.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”—She said when she ran into him, not cathing it was him at first.—"Bryce? Hi”

“Eleanor”—They stared in silence for a moment—"I was looking for you. What time does your shift end?”

Bryce saw the brief moment Ethan passed behind Eleanor, his face impassive and cold as steel, ignoring their existence completely.

“Half an hour, I’m doing my final round. Why?”

“I need to speak to you, meet me in the atrium as always?���

“Okay, yeah.”—Her cheeks flushed and couldn’t help but look at him with hope.

“See ya later, then.”

He waited in their usual spot and finally, fifteen minutes later, she appeared.

“I’m so sorry, I had to run new tests for a patient, and it took me ages.”

“Don’t worry, I’m glad you’re here.”

“So…”

“Let’s go to my car, we can talk there.”

“Okay.

Once both got in the car, they looked at each other until Bryce broke the silence.

“Elle, I want to apologize. I realized I was too unfair with you the other day. I know you were trying to help and I just took it on you, because I was frustrated with the situation and I didn’t know how to deal with it, let alone with another person offering help.”

“It’s okay, Bryce, it’s me who should apologize. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

“No, you were trying to help me, and I thank you for that. But I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that about Ramsey. You have been very respectful to our relationship, I want you to know that. I really appreciate it, babe. It’s just that sometimes this is… hard.”

“Bryce, listen, you were right, you don’t have to apologize for telling me the truth. I am afraid, and sadly I still have feelings for Ethan and I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to hurt you either, so it’s all so complicated.”

“I know, Elle, I know, that’s why I shouldn’t have been so rude. By no means you have been unfair or mean to me. It’s just that this is getting a bit hard for me, that’s all, especially now that I’m dealing with something big in my life and I want to hold on to you… But I’m terrified to do so.”

Eleanor rested her hands over his. 

“Look, I know I can’t promise you we will be together forever, but I want you to know that our relationship it’s the most important thing to me now, and I’ll do whatever I can to take care of us. We are still in this difficult process until things are clear inside my head, but right now I want to be here for you, I want to help you with your sister and with whatever you need. Just say the word, okay?”

He smiled thankfully and then nodded.

“Truce?”—She said, offering her hand.

“Truce”—He agreed, but instead of taking her hand, he kissed her sweetly in the lips.

Eleanor giggled against him.

“God, I missed you so much.”—He sighed, parting from her just a brief moment, to keep kissing her for another couple of seconds.

“Me too. These days have been a real nightmare without you. How are you dealing with Keiki?”

“Not so well, actually. That’s why I wanted to ask you if you would like to go home with me tonight. I haven’t been able to talk with Keiki, and if you there with me, maybe I’ll understand her better. I don’t wanna fight with her anymore.”

Eleanor smiled warmly at him.

“This means that you’re letting me in?”

Bryce had made his decision but couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous.

“Yes. I want you with me in all this, Elle.”

“You won’t regret it. I promise.”

When they get home a delicious smell invaded their nostrils. Keiki was in the kitchen apparently frying some beef.

“Hey Keiki”—They both greeted.

“Hey. Eleanor, I didn’t know you were coming. I hope I’m doing enough food for the three of us.”

“We’ll make it work”—Bryce said, hopeful.

“If not, Bryce, you can call a delivery just as you like.”

“Haha, always so loving, sis. Whatcha doing?”

“Mongolian beef, I found an easy recipe on Instagram and here I am.”

“You need any help?”

“Umh, maybe with the rice, I have to chop the scallions and then have an eye on the beef.”

“Sure.”

They both washed their hands and then Eleanor taught Bryce how to cook rice while suggesting topics to talk. Some were delicate and Keiki reacted badly, but after every scowl Eleanor gave to Bryce, he tried to act more empathetic, listening to her before judging.

Once the dinner was served, the three seated with smiled on her faces.

“Keiki, this is great!”—Eleanor praised after giving the first taste to her plate.—“You had cooked before?”

“Yeah, a couple of times, but it’s not that I have the chance to do it often when you have people who cook for you”—She replied, a bit embarrassed.

“And what do you like to do? Reading? Singing? Playing an instrument? Skateboarding?”

“I like drawing, reading, and sometimes taking pictures.”

“That’s great. Boston has such beautiful places to do it.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I’ve took some really nice. ”

“You must show me them after dinner, okay?”

“Sure”

“ And what about your friends? You are not missing them now that you’re here?”

“Nah, I don’t have actual friends there, they all hate me.”

“Why they hate you?”—Bryce asked, brows furrowed.

That was the moment Bryce had been waiting since her sister got there, because with that question, Keiki let everything out. 

Bryce finally knew the motives that made her leave home and fly all over the Pacific Ocean and to the other side of the country to be with him, even if they hadn’t seen each other in ten years.

And it happened that her sister was living the same hell he lived. Her classmates hated her for what his parents did, and of course, they hadn’t done anything to protect her. They only cared about their reputation.

The mistake he kept making for ten years had led to this. Her sister suffering from loneliness, abandonment, bullying. Just like he did.

“Keiki I’m …. I’m sorry I didn’t call more. I should have been looking out for you.”—Bryce finally said.

“It’s not like you could have done anything from all the way over here.”

“I could, Keiki. I should have tried, I should have done better, I should have stood in front of mom and dad if you needed me to. And I didn’t. I let this happened. But I’m gonna do better, starting from today.”

Bryce got up from the chair and opened his arms, inviting her sister to do the same. After a few moments of staring at him, she finally stood up and threw herself into his arms.

“I’m sorry I was a jerk when I turned up. And like… every day since.”—She apologized, complete sincerity in her eyes.

“The only jerk here is me. You can stay with me for as long as you need, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks, Bryce.”

“I’m sorry, Keiki. Truly.”

“Bryce, it’s okay. I’m happy that I can count on you.”

“Always.”

The three chatted on the couch until Eleanor started to feel sleepy. She and Bryce said goodnight to Keiki, who had given his bed back a couple days ago as she found out the couch really comfy and his brother needed proper rest more than her.  When they locked in the room, Bryce pulled Eleanor to his chest gently, resting his forehead into hers.

“Thank you for doing this.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“All the right questions, and all those scowls and deadly glares that meant ‘stop screwing it up, Bryce’ is doing nothing? Really?”

“Ah, well. It was minimal. You did the hard job here, you get your sister to talk, and you listened to her and empathized with her. You apologized. You were the support she was looking for. You did it amazing, Bryce. Not me.  I’m so proud of you.”

“This wouldn’t have been possible without you.”—He kissed her in the lips, giving her the sweetest smile she had even seen in him, it made her stomach flutter.

“Good things happen when you trust people, you see?”

“Only with you.”

“I know. And I won’t let you down.”

___

[jenniboo311]

GQ: Spider-Man Goes Undercover on Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter

GQ: Spider-Man Goes Undercover on Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter by jenniboo311

Part 2 of the Social Butterfly Spidey series General |  4115 Words  |  Chapter 1/1

---------

The video opens with Spider-Man sitting at a table with only his torso visible, the set background a solid sky blue. He is wearing his signature mask and a simple white t-shirt, forearms bare and defined with lean muscle. He gives the camera a jaunty two fingered salute.

"Hey I'm Spider-Man," he begins in a friendly voice as he flips open the lid of the laptop in front of him decisively, "And I'm going undercover on the internet." The video cuts to a title screen as it types out "Actually Me with Spider-Man" as Spider-Man says off screen, "It's actually me!"

The screen then clears and types out a new message for its audience, "We had Spider-Man create real accounts and go undercover online."

"Let's begin!" He says as the camera cuts back to him typing into the laptop. The video shows his screen as he is typing his username and password into YouTube. Once the site logs in he selects his display picture, a cheeky shot a fan must have captured as Spider-Man swung past upside-down. "First up, let's take ourselves to YouTube."

A brief clip plays from a seven and a half minute humorous compilation of Spider-Man saves, cutting back and forth between impressive confrontations against dangerous criminals with firearms to sweetly helping older ladies with their groceries.

"From user SkepticalOfSpidey, she says," he narrates the comment as it is displayed on screen, "'Is this guy for real? How can a superhero go from dodging bullets to carrying groceries? Like how is this even on his radar? Does he actually care or is this some kind of PR stunt?'"

The video cuts to Spider-Man who replies vehemently, "I absolutely care! And I think it's hysterical people consider me "above" certain things, or they're not worthy of being on my "radar", as though I'm some hotshot. Look, the Avengers are great with the big world ending stuff, and sometimes I'm part of that too, but the little guys need help too, day to day. I'm the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and no matter who you are, your race, your age, your sexuality, your income, whether you're a victim of a mugging or a kitten in a tree, you all deserve help when you need it. That's my personal mission, just to help people. So as long as I'm doing that I'm not ashamed."

The video cuts to show the end of his response being typed out on screen and Spider-Man hits the "Comment" button to post his answer.

Another short clip plays of footage from the scene of a crime where Spider-Man is knocking out a hulking goon in one hit, displaying his super strength. The subsequent comment is displayed on screen as Spider-Man reads it aloud, "'oh great, just what we need: another brawny idiot that uses his fists to solve problems. What we really need is intelligence. Can we get more scientists please?'"

Spider-Man reels back in his chair a little, seemingly taken aback. "Wow! Why are you so angry-" he consults the laptop again for the username, "Chelsea?" He shifts in the chair to get comfortable before responding, "First of all, another? I'm offended on behalf of my teammates. All of the people I work with are very intelligent, so I'm not sure where she's getting that you have to be an idiot if you have muscles. Secondly, I am a scientist, actually. I specialize in biochemistry, though I also dabble in engineering, physics, and programming. I have an IQ upwards of 250, which if you want to compare to the likes of Tony Stark, is around 270, who also kicks ass by the way."

He straightens his shirt indignantly, "Though hopefully I didn't give too much away with that. My point is," he points at the camera, "you can have both brawn and brains. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise, people. Defy the societal norms."

The comment section displays on screen again and scrolls down the page until it hits another comment. "'How strong is Spider-Man?'" He lounges back in his chair and taps the fingers of his right hand on the table idly, "Well, last we checked I could bench press about ten tons. Tony and I ran some tests about eight months ago to find out, so it could have changed since then but likely not by a large amount. So I'm going to say ten tons, give or take."

Another video clip plays that shows Spider-Man swinging confidently on his web before suddenly taking a wrong turn and eating billboard. The jarring collision dislodges his grip and he falls several feet to land on a garbage bin, whose lid caves in immediately under his weight. He reads aloud, "'Ouch. I wonder how that felt.'" Spider-Man laughs quietly, not afraid to laugh at himself. "To be honest with you Joshua, it did not feel good. That billboard actually broke my nose, though the garbage bin helped break some of the fall. There's definitely worse things I could have landed on. I don't get distracted often but it still happens sometimes. Web slinging is hard, okay?!

"Wikipedia!" he says off screen, as the visual on screen shows Spider-Man logging in to the Wikipedia webpage with the username, 'itsactuallyspiderman@gmail.com'.

"Let's see here," Spider-Man says before devolving into mumbles as he reads the information supplied on the website about himself. "Wait wait wait!" He exclaims after a moment and quotes the offending fact, "'His signature weapon is his webbing, which is created biologically and dispensed from a gland in his wrists at the base of his palms.'" The text in question displays on screen and zooms in on the text, "biologically", and then, "gland in his wrists".

"First of all, gross." Spider-Man rests his forehead in his hand, propped on the table with his elbow in a perfect picture of disappointment. "Second of all," he sits up straight and addresses the camera full on, "have you all actually been thinking I've been spurting real webs out of my hands at everything for the past few years?!" After a beat he processes what he has just said and facepalms while mumbling, "Spurting, oh God I regret my word choice."

The video cuts to the text being backspaced as Spider-Man narrates offscreen, "This is incorrect, let's delete it!"

The video cuts back to Spider-Man reaching below the table, leaning slightly to the left to dig something out of his right pants pocket, sighing heavily. He pulls out two simple black bracelets which he pointedly holds up for the camera before slipping them on. "Web shooters: 101," he says before deliberately knocking his wrists together so the bracelets make contact and activate. "Now obviously Tony Stark has gotten his hands on these and they are a little different than the originals, as you can tell by the nano technology," he explains, black colored metal creeping up his forearms to encase them in a type of bracer, "but the base mechanism is still the same as what I designed from the beginning." The nano technology finishes covering his forearms, the device quite noticeable with the stark black of the metal covering the majority of his pale exposed forearms. He flicks his hands back, palms facing upwards to show the camera, as the motion triggers a small device to deploy in the center of his palms. He reaches into his pocket once more and retrieves a couple small cylindrical cartridges filled with a milky fluid which he then deftly loads into the devices at his wrists.

"In a nutshell: web shooter," he holds up his left forearm to present the whole device to the audience. "The trigger," he presents the small button resting in his palm, "and web fluid," he continues, indicating the cartridge now inserted below his wrist. He points to a spot at the base of his palm, "They got the location of the dispenser right, I guess, but it's not coming out of a gland of any kind!" He aims carefully just past the camera and shoots a quick burst by depressing the button at his palm that makes the viewer feel as though he is shooting it at them. "I developed this formula myself, in a lab, with chemicals!" He emphasizes. "It's completely synthetic, not biological by any means, and nobody had to milk me for it." He pauses, staring at the camera for a moment before looking down at the table and murmuring uncomfortably while shaking his head, "That was a strange sentence I never want to repeat." He huffs a quiet laugh.

"Quora!" Spider-Man says as the onscreen graphic shows Spider-Man logging into the website with his fake email. "What the heck is Quora? I have no idea but let's get into it.

"'How is Spider-Man such a darling? He's so sweet and wholesome and is a big, soft, cinnamon roll'," he narrates as the question displays on screen. He shifts around awkwardly and scratches the side of his head, "Aw, I dunno! But thanks Quora, you're my new favorite website.

"'How many people has Spider-Man killed?'" He narrates as the question displays on screen. "Wow guys, that's dark!" He leans forward and clasps his hands together to convey the seriousness of his response. "The answer is none. I haven't killed anyone nor do I intend to. Spider-Man is strictly nonlethal. I only use webs to detain, I don't use blades or guns of any kind. Except these guns." He lightens the mood by flexing his right arm and kissing his bicep. He holds it together for approximately two seconds before exploding in laughter. "Oh God, how do I have friends?" He mutters to himself.

"Next!" He exclaims, searching for the next question. "'Does Spider-Man wear a mask because he's disfigured?'" The question displays for the viewer to see. "Hmm, okay well the short answer is no. That's not why I wear a mask. I don't really know how to quantify my own attractiveness, that's just awkward. I think I'm perfectly average, though I've had people tell me I'm handsome. They were all terribly biased though, so take that with a grain of salt." Spider-Man's grin can be seen in the crinkling of the fabric around his mouth. "I have two eyes, a nose, a mouth, and completely normal teeth. No extra eyes or mandibles or anything. That may sound like a strange thing to say but you'd be surprised how many times I have to clarify that," He snorts. "I cover my face because dealing with so many street-level criminals puts me on the radar of a lot of people who want revenge against me and anybody I care about. So if my identity was known I'd have to constantly watch my back, and my loved ones would be in danger. Of course there are contingencies for if that happens but in the meantime I want as normal a life as possible for me and mine."

Spider-Man clicks away on the laptop until the next question displays on screen. "'Does Spider-Man give autographs and selfies?'" He narrates. "I do, but all I ask is that if you catch me out in the wild and I look busy or distracted, to please not bother me. Most times the people I save are a bit too traumatized to be thinking about getting my autograph at the moment, but if the night is slow or I'm taking a break I'm happy to give an autograph or take a photo with you if you ask. Your best bet is probably at fundraisers and charity events, if I am in attendance, since I'm not focused on crime fighting and am just interacting with people."

The next question displays on screen, "'Is Spider-Man single?'" The video cuts to Spider-Man shifting uncomfortably. "Uh, I'm not comfortable confirming that sort of thing. Like I said, people in my orbit are in danger so I don't want to bring any kind of attention to who I surround myself with, even if their names are as yet unknown. The less information going around about that the better. So all I'll say is that at the very least I am not looking for a relationship." He awkwardly clears his throat before moving on.

"'How strong are Spider-Man's webs?' Strong enough to restrain the Hulk. Seriously," he nods at the camera, "I know this for a fact. We, and by we I mean the Avengers and I, had a code green sometime last year and out of sheer desperation I let the webs fly. By the time I was done he was basically in a cocoon but hey, it worked! Hulk looked pretty cozy actually." His eye lenses squint in amusement.

"Now let's go to Facebook," he says as the video shows him logging into Facebook and selecting a new profile picture, a closeup of Spider-Man shooting the camera finger guns.

"'Who would win in a race between Spider-Man and Captain America?'" He claps his hands together once in excitement, "Me! Because I'm obviously superior to Cap in every way!" He barks out a laugh and mumbles, "He'll let me have it for that comment! No I'm joking, Cap is awesome. I'm actually not lying though. We had a race, because science, and I clocked in at about two hundred miles per hour while Steve maxed at about seventy. Nothing to sneeze at of course, but not quite up to Spidey's par!" He gives another cheesy arm flex, this time with both arms. The video cuts to Spider-Man typing out the last of his answer and finishes it with two flex emojis before submitting it.

"'Do you think Spider-Man has any hidden talents?'" He looks seriously into the camera. "Well if I told you, they wouldn't be secret talents anymore, now would they Gerald?" He cocks his head to the side in thought. "I guess I can tell you that I can dance? I took dance and gymnastics for awhile when I was a kid, which is probably why I'm so agile and acrobatic now. My enhancement made me even more agile and acrobatic, but it was already there to some degree to begin with." He gives a careless shrug.

"'Coffee or tea?' Well I try not to drink either of them to be honest. Caffeine and spiders don't mix! Sometimes I can't avoid it though, lots of late nights being Spider-Man, so in those cases I drink coffee. Funny trivia for you, but I used to love lemonade. I must have inherited some spidery traits because lemon is a deterrent and I can't tolerate it now. I mean it won't kill me, I just find it unpleasant. Don't want criminals thinking they can spray me with lemon juice or something. I'll just be annoyed and smell funky fresh while I kick your ass." His eye lenses squint as his mask crinkles around the mouth. "My beverage of choice is actually apple juice, because I'm twelve years old." He snickers and hits the submit button to post his answer, complete with a baby emoji.

"'How are you doing? Are you getting enough sleep? Do you need a hug?'" He shifts forward to prop his chin on his hand. "I'm doing good, thank you for asking. I am absolutely not getting enough sleep, but neither is anyone else I know so I'm in good company. And I absolutely need a hug. I love giving people hugs and will one hundred percent hug you if you ask me to and I'm not busy. There's lots of Spidey to go around, I love each and every one of you."

He reads the next question silently first and barks a laugh before narrating, "'What even is your life?' Dude, I have no idea. If you had told young Spidey that one day he'd be flipping all over the city fighting crime and battling aliens with a superpowered team of highly skilled famous individuals he'd probably check you for fever and then back away slowly.

"Up next, Instagram! I know all about Instagram, I use it all the time." The video shows him once again logging into the website

"'Does anyone else desperately want a reality TV show with Spidey and the other Avengers? I would kill to watch hours of Spidey being a sarcastic little shit to bank robbers and Tony Stark just being a mess.'" Spider-Man laughs. "Wellllll," he hedges, "you might not have to wait that long. I've been toying with the idea of creating a YouTube channel and posting some shenanigans on there. Now, mind you, it won't be expertly edited or anything, I really don't have the time for that, but it would be something. Keep an eye out for that soon."

The video next displays a picture on Instagram that a fan had posted of a young Spider-Man from his early days coming out of a porta-potty with a string of toilet paper streaming off the bottom of his boot. The comment reads, "'Check out this disaster. What is going on here?'" Spider-Man looks straight at the camera, unimpressed, and deadpans, "Everybody poops, Deborah."

He navigates to the next picture, which is of a kneeling Spider-Man getting mauled by an enthusiastic, fluffy golden retriever. "'Was he a good doggo?'" He reads aloud. "He was best boy. What a good doggo!" He grins big through his mask.

"Now here we go to Twitter," he says as he logs in and selects a profile picture. "This is probably the social media I use the most. I'm thinking about deleting the app off my phone for a little while though, it's starting to consume my life. It's nice being able to connect to the public with it but I'm starting to find it difficult because people get so disappointed when I have to step away. Saying no to people is hard! And I have an extremely busy life so I can't keep this up forever. I've got cats to cuddle and lives to save! Gonna have to dial it back a bit I think."

The screen displays a tweet from user EmmaRox as Spider-Man reads it aloud, "'Do you think the abs are real or does he pad his suit?'" Spider-Man snorts and slaps his chest in mirth. "Well I would think that the fact I can lift a bus is proof enough, but here you go," he says and lifts his shirt to expose his impressively sculpted abs for just a moment before dropping his shirt and shaking his head in embarrassment. "Not padded."

The video cuts to the next question as he reads, "'What do you do in your free time?'" He looks at the camera and his left eye lens shifts as though he has furrowed his eye brow. "Free time? What's that?" He snorts, "No seriously, there's not much of that to go around. If I'm not on patrol or sleeping or training, I'm trying to keep up with my personal relationships and trying not to spend all my remaining time in the lab, with or without Tony. Like I said before, I'm a scientist, so a lot of my downtime is devoted to developing better tech, and to research to advance in these areas." He dramatically sweeps his hand across the top of his head as though he is a diva flipping long hair over his shoulder as he announces, "I'm not just a pretty face, you know." The video cuts to Spidey typing out the end of his answer, finishing it off with a queen emoji.

"'What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?'" Displays the next question from user, David P. "That's a good question, David. Hmm," he strokes his chin thoughtfully, "I would have to say 'With great power, comes great responsibility'. It was advice given to me by one of the two most important people in my life, and I have carried that motto in my heart ever since. It was advice that ultimately lead to the creation of Spider-Man, actually. I have these fantastic powers, so I consider it my responsibility to do something good with them." He wrings his hands together at what looks to be an uncomfortable topic for him to speak about. After a beat he continues his answer, "The second best advice I've ever gotten, however, was 'It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring', which you'll also notice I take very seriously in that I am incredibly ridiculous. I mean if there's a person out there who spouts more bad puns in the face of danger than me, I haven't heard of them." He quietly snickers to himself.

"'If you had to choose three adjectives to describe yourself what would they be?'" He doesn't hesitate when he rattles off, "Genius, witty, humble." He stares at the camera seriously for a moment before he cracks and laughs. "No seriously, uh, probably awkward, smartass, and nerdy." He shrugs for lack of a better answer.

"Reddit!" He says as he logs into the page and selects a display picture of Spider-Man facepalming.

"'Do you have any pets?'" Spider-Man reads. "No. My apartment doesn't allow pets, sadly, but I love animals. And actually I do hang out with Tony a lot and I have to constantly make sure he's fed and watered because he forgets, so I feel like that's close enough." He covers his mouth with a hand to hold in his snort but a strangled one escapes anyway.

The next post shows a piece of fan artwork that is poor quality and is obviously from an inexperienced child. It depicts a heroically posed Spider-Man saving a young boy from a burning apartment complex window. The young artist in question posted the caption, "'I know it's not any good but spiderman saved me and my mom from a fire. I really want to say thank you so I drew him this picture. If anyone gets the chance to talk to spiderman can you please show him this and tell him I love him?'" Spider-Man looks at the picture on the laptop for a long moment and audibly takes several loud swallows. He looks at the camera and says hoarsely, "I love you too, bud. And I'm glad you're doing okay. It was my absolute pleasure to help you that day and I'm so glad I was there. I love your drawing and I think you're so very talented. I'm going to print this out and post it on my fridge so I can see it everyday and think of you. Study hard in school and be good for your mom!" He looks down at his lap and clears his throat, filling with emotion. After a moment he looks up and clasps his hands.

"That's it! We're done!" He says as he shuts the laptop with a snap and his eye lenses squint in a smile. "I hope you enjoyed watching and learning a little bit about me. See you around!"

The video fades to the GQ logo before ending.

--------------------------------

Comments: ----------------

magicalbluecookies omg that last one killed me. Spidey got all choked up Friedfishcat I live for Spidey telling us he loves us. I stan a Spiderboi not afraid of his emotions. kitty22803 Am I the only one who took a screenshot of his abs? TeamIronDad Bahahaha subtly roasting cap and iron man. I wanna be a fly on the wall of their common room, I bet they're all hilarious to watch together lovelyjourneys Does this cinnamon roll ever rest? He needs a nap! And some milk or something! saucysquatch "Everybody poops, Deborah." Dumbledork I will die if he actually makes a youtube channel, please actually make this a thing! enchanted_nightingale Nooooooo dont delete twitter! kim_cc I once got a hug from spidey!! I was crying after he saved me from almost getting hit by a car and he asked if i needed a hug. It was the best hug of my life. Isi1dur Spidey is 12 years old confirmed, someone call the press xoxheartErin Spidey, post a video of you dancing!!! Proof or it didn't happen! Slyrocker Spiderman is asked how's he's such a soft cinnamon roll, proceeds to then prove he's a soft cinnamon roll Hi NOBODY HAD TO MILK ME FOR IT UselessDiamond19 Holy crap his web shooters are so cool! chrissyglikesbooks 250?! His IQ is 250?! Einstein was 160!!!! I feel faint. amillionmiles Spidey eating that billboard is about how my week is going honestly Mira Spidey is such a smart boi! He's going to make a great husband when I marry him.

TotallyNotDeadpool Well I guess this is all we have to live for now that you're out of the MCU

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 78

~*~Sebastian~*~

The sun shone brightly when we woke up. I made Emma coffee first and we sat at the bar with fruit and yogurt. I wasn’t particularly hungry. Nauseated, if I’m honest. Emma was going home today. Yes, it was only for a couple of days, but that wasn’t what the problem was. I was afraid of how I would feel when she left. We’ve been together almost a week. We said I love you. Went to a concert with her friends, planned a vacation with mine, and celebrated a month together. Everything is wonderful. I don’t know how it will be when she leaves. Will I be melodramatically sad, anxious, and insecure that while she’s away she’ll figure out she prefers to be without me, or when she leaves will I be glad to have my space back? Realistically, the panic is more likely to come when she leaves France and we’re apart for six weeks. Today’s just a preview.

Around noon Emma was ready to leave. She’d gone through the bags of new stuff and left what she wanted to take to France. No sense packing it home only to bring it back. Especially when she was dealing with her suitcase on the train. Early afternoon was the best time to get her back. I walked her downstairs to her Uber and stopped by the security office to find out where the parking garage was. The security guard walked outside with us and pointed to a keypad on a pole next to the building. I walked into the building hundreds of times and never really noticed the large panes of windows that matched my building was a garage door. The same code that worked on the outside door worked on the garage and my spot was the same as my apartment number. That’s easy.

The Uber driver took Emma’s suitcase and lifted it into the trunk while we said goodbye. “I love you and I’ll see you Thursday.”

Emma kissed me and patted my chest, “I’ll let you know when I’m home.”

“Thank you.” I’m always going to worry about her getting home safe. Can’t wait until there’s snow and she’s driving to work or worse, here. I kissed her again, told her I loved her and tucked her in the car. Stood on the sidewalk until she turned the corner too. Avoided going back upstairs by running across the street and getting a bottle of something. Didn’t really matter what. I wasn’t thirsty. Took a walk around the block to drink my bottle of whatever. Finally, throwing the bottle away in the garbage can at the end of the block, I headed back upstairs.

I walked in my door and stood there with my hands on my hips, waiting for something to happen. Everything looked the same. Felt the same. Not sure what I expected. The apartment wasn’t going to suddenly have a portal to hell open up in between the dining table and couch. If it happened, it would be in the guest bathroom. Maybe my closet. I checked both to be sure. Nope, no portals. What I did find in the master bath was a mauve lipstick kiss print on the mirror. It was at my eye level but on the edge close to the wall. I smiled, thinking how she would have had to crawl onto the counter to put it there. I imagined she’d get the same thrill when she found the notes I’d hidden at her place and school.

A little over two hours later my phone rang. The prettiest girl in the world was calling me, “Hello, beautiful.”

She grinned, “Hey, handsome.  I’m home.”

Emma turned her phone around to show me her family room. “I can see that. How was the trip?”

“Uneventful.”

“Perfect.”

“What have you been up to since I last saw you?” The lilt of curiosity in her voice was funny.

“I’ve been busy. Checking email and seeing everything has changed.”

“You’re very flexible.”

“Not nearly as flexible as you, my love.” We shared a dirty smile. “Now, we’re shooting in Paris instead of London. Which is convenient and doesn’t require a flight. And tonight I’m having dinner with a former spy.”

Her eyes lit up, “That sounds fun.”

“It does.”  I agreed. “I’ve been trying to schedule something with him for a while. Finally worked out. It will be good to get in person and ask questions about all the shit I’ve been reading and watching.”

“I’m excited for you. You can get the psychological emotional part down. I imagine in person makes it easier to internalize.”

Not that I doubted, but she’d been paying attention when I’d talked. Her interest in the how and why of the craft side was as enjoyable for me as it was her. I wanted to show her more. I wanted to know about how she taught too, how she knew what to do and how she designed lessons. Which reminded me, “Add me to your online classroom so I can watch you teach.” There’s the added bonus of pretty much having her “on demand” if I wanted to see and hear her. I had the video from the party with her, Eli, and Boone too. That would make a long night alone a little more . . . stimulating.

We didn’t talk long. I was having an early dinner to allow plenty of time to talk and I needed to shower and get ready. Emma needed to unpack and start gathering things to repack. There’s also the part about she’d just left.

Dinner lasted much later than I’d anticipated. It was awesome. Dan told me stories and let me pick his brain. I told him about my part in the movie and he was able to give me some specifics. Not that I’d play the part exactly as he’d said, but I knew what to avoid, what wasn’t realistic. I liked that because a complete mismatch with reality could put me into my head and that’s the last place I wanted to be.

The next morning I hit the gym and had a good workout. Mirrors everywhere told me I needed more than a little personal grooming before leaving. A haircut was already scheduled and I called the salon to add on what I thought I needed. I had lunch with my manager to go over the next few weeks. I don’t have a full time PR person, but I do have a firm with which I contract. Emily had been in contact with them. About my girlfriend. Amazing how fast my mood went from good to not.

“Seb, don’t make that face.”

“What face?”

“The annoyed one where you’re holding in a tirade.”

“I’m glad you recognize the precarious ground you’re standing on.” I drank the last of my wine and crossed my arms across my chest. “I’m going to sit here and be very quiet for a limited amount of time. Talk fast.” I don’t have many tirades. A big part of that is due to the relationship I have with Emily. She’s been with me forever. She knows when to push, when to back off, and when to let me have a tirade. Girlfriends are and always have been a tricky area. Usually, Emily wants me to be more open about a girlfriend. Much like what previous girlfriends wanted. That never turned out well for either of them. Emma was altogether in another class. I wasn’t sullen because I didn’t want to hear about what I should be doing. I was feeling protective and didn’t want business in my personal life. Same issue, different reasons.

“Everything is good. Emma is good. She doesn’t have much of a social media presence and hers is private. Family and friends sometimes tag her, but there’s nothing problematic out there. Once her name is out there she won’t be hard to find because you and several of your friends follow her. It’s a quick find that she’s a teacher, where she works, plays volleyball, has a twin, and has musician friends. She’s known by Pearl Jam fans. They’re protective of all the females in the band’s orbit. Best guess is anything negative is wiped quickly. We called Pearl Jam’s PR people and they’ve worked with her, so we don’t need to. Until something comes up and then we’ll probably have to work with you too. Unless you go silent again.”

I must have twitched.

Emily held her hands out like she was calming a wild animal. “Everyone’s a little concerned because you let Will post something. Oh, and any pictures of her in a bikini are always in a group.” She smiled comically and sat back.

“The ones she sends me are solos.”

“Good to know.”

I sat a second, my blood pressure dropping. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

I nodded and shrugged, “I told Will to post the picture. Don’t know exactly why. I’m happy. I’m in love. I’ve grown. Past is past and I’m moving to the future. All of them.”

“So, the comments and everything. You’re okay?”

“No, Emily, I’m wonderful.”

I waited until I got home to call Emma. She hit voice call. I pouted even though she couldn’t see. “I am at Target replenishing my travel supplies.”

“Sounds fun! Are you in for shampoo and leaving with three hundred dollars worth of who knows what?” Isn’t that the way it usually works at Target?

“I have a list. I’m staying away from parts of the store I don’t need to be in.”

“Smart. What time do you have to be at the court?”

“We’re going to meet for dinner about five. Game at seven.”

“Give Sam your phone so I can pack and watch.”

“I bet if you ask nicely she’ll alert you when something big is going on.”

“I’m a decent multitasker.”

“How was dinner with a spy?”

"Dinner with a spy was" I shook my head and looked up, "fascinating. Books, even non-fiction, and video are good, but watching his expression and mannerisms was so cool. Especially when he had neither." I went on talking while she shopped. She laughed and gasped at the same parts I had. I was excited to see how I could incorporate this new knowledge. We hung up when she was checking out.

~*~*~*~

"Sorry about the loss." I cringed to soften the blow. I knew she didn't like to lose. Who does?

Emma growled, "Frustrating. I want a chocolate brownie or something."

"I think the bakeries are closed." It was a little after ten. "I'll get you one tomorrow."

"You're the sweetest."

"When will you be here?"

"Well before lunchtime. I got everything packed before the game. I'll shower tonight. Get up and be on my way. Do you have plans?"

"Yes. Vanity kicked in. I have a facial and haircut, before therapy. Want a facial?"

"No seaweed."

"Damm, that's what I booked for you."

~*~*~

I spent the morning packing. I’m not a heavy packer. I’ll wear the same thing over and over. I’m working so costuming will be taking care of most of my clothes. I’m invited to the fashion show. Being dressed is part of the package. Emma and I had made a list of places we wanted to see and things we wanted to do while in Paris. I composed an email and sent it on to the hotel’s concierge. I heard back almost immediately. They would create an itinerary and we could adjust it once we arrived. Perfect.

Emma would be back about noon. Our spa treatments and my haircut were set for three and my therapy appointment was around five. I cleaned up around the place. Nothing drastic. I had a cleaning service come in after I go away. I just make sure everything’s put away.  I had my suitcase closed and in the dining area when my text notification went off.

Emma ~ Are you home?

Sebastian ~ Yes.

Emma ~ Alone?

Sebastian ~ Yes.

 I am sensing something is about to happen.

Emma ~ When I get there would you like to play a game?

Sebastian ~ Yes.

 I neither know nor care what she’s talking about. It would be nice to know what I’m going to be playing, though.

Sebastian ~ Could I get more details?

Emma ~ Porn

Sebastian ~ You want to watch porn?

Emma ~ Pretend we're in one. Over the top, things that only work in porn, excessive moaning, name calling, filthy talk porn.

 Fuck. I’ve watched enough porn to know how this was going to go.

Sebastian ~ Yes, I would like to play.

Emma ~ I never doubted you.

Sebastian ~ Are you texting and driving?

Emma ~ Traffic and voice to text. Delivery girl, booty call, escort? Me. This time.

Sebastian ~ I don't know yet.

Emma ~ Text when you do.

Sebastian ~ I love you.

Emma ~ I love you.

 Woman has been away for forty-eight hours and shows back up with this shit. I wasn't a sex-starved horn dog five minutes ago. I wonder what she's wearing? Delivery girl, booty call, escort. I like her choices. I have to seduce the delivery girl. Or be seduced. Booty call would be a repeat. Familiarity without expectations. There are zero expectations with an escort. Well, there are expectations, but only mine. I feel like it's a question of how selfish I want to be and what questions I want to answer after. Booty call it is!

I texted her my choice and that the door would be unlocked. I sat in the chair to wait. Patiently.