#one day if i am motivated i will finish this as a long oneshot

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas22: Day 2: Deaf Mary-Alice

Why is December always so busy and short? I feel like I haven't stopped today - The Baking Has Begun.

Today's offering is Deaf Mary-Alice. We hear so much about how perfect vampires are, and how the venom makes people perfect but I like the idea better that the venom repairs what it can, but life leaves its mark on you. It was supposed to be Alice but somehow turned into Mary-Alice; it was also supposed to be an exploration of the scars for all family members, but became kind of this romantic little piece about Jasper being reunited with his true love.

I don't have any urgent plans to finish it. I have other fics that I want done sooner. But it's a fun one to play around.

And no, this has 0 to do with STL. I hope you enjoy!

deaf mary-alice.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. 

It’s easy to wave away small things (the starburst of scars down Esme’s chest where her ribs tore through; a matching one on her thigh for her femur; the missing hank of hair from Rosalie’s head, leaving behind a coin-sized patch of bald flesh behind her right ear and three broken nails gnawed short and smooth) or even the larger (the scars bisect Emmett’s chest, like overripe fruit that has split wide open; the inside of the scar is the same bloodless pale colour as the rest of him, and he laughs about his ‘war wounds’) and call themselves ‘perfect’. 

Why bother mentioning that both Carlisle and Edward are at least ten pounds underweight - Edward closer to fifteen. They are rendered in porcelain, with glossy hair and pink lips; unblemished skin and symmetrical features. They belong in the pages of high-end magazines or art gallery catalogues.

//

It takes him less than a day to realise something about the gangly newborn he finds in the mud just outside of Mississippi. 

She’s five foot nothing by his guess, with the biggest red eyes and black hair that curls around her cheeks and a filthy hospital gown with the name ‘009 MARY-ALICE SMITH’ written on it in bleeding ink.

And she does not say a word to him, just beams at him and scurries after him.

She has little concept of quiet and seems to ignore everything he says to her, transfixed by wildflowers and birds, by the night sky and the grass underfoot. It’s not until she flinches back from a swooping owl that it hits him. 

She’s deaf. 

She cannot hear a word. 

//

He expects Maria to send her into battle and let her be cannon fodder because Mary-Alice is nigh on useless to them. 

Except Maria doesn’t. She studies Mary-Alice and shrugs. 

“Work out some way to communicate with her so you can train her.”

It is surprisingly intimate, cloistered in his quarters during the day, with chalk and some scraps of paper and Mary-Alice. She’s a fast learner when it comes to writing, 

Lip-reading is harder, even with her heightened senses; he enunciates his name and hers, and she presses her fingers against his throat to feel the sound in something that makes him feel warm for a moment, her brow furrowed in concentration. 

(He feels like a fool, using ‘Jasper’ and not ‘Major’.) 

The signs start small - yes, no, north, south, east, west, Major, Maria (he places his left hand over his heart for lack of a better way to describe Maria as their leader and overlord and queen and god). One of the others finds an old manual for Lengua de Señas Mexicana, and that helps fill in a few gaps but mostly it becomes a blueprint for their own language, cobbled together from English and Spanish and their own short form over the first year of her life. 

They are lucky she is quick on her feet, lighting-fast, and determined to please the Major. Maria is amused by her and calls her Sunshine in an almost mocking way, but allows her to stay, allows her to trot obediently after the Major in a too-long dress. Whilst the entire army are taught a set of signs to communicate with her, and Maria learns enough to converse with her, it is the Major who carries the responsibility of communicating with her, of translating everything - a habit that is ultimately so ingrained that he finds himself signing conversations Mary-Alice isn’t present for. 

//

The day the Major leaves with Peter, she knows it’s coming. She knows he will leave her behind, and she is glad to see him go. He deserves only good things and the army is eating him alive. 

But her heart is broken and her world is quiet and she is alone. 

//

It takes him a moment to realise what - who - he is seeing trotting along behind Peter and Charlotte. She’s looking around curiously, without a hint of shame - a new green world for her to investigate. She’s wearing a dirty dress with a cardigan that has too-long sleeves, her knees and feet filthy.

Just like he remembers. 

He cannot believe she’s alive. He always thought she’d be better in her home, safer in that world. That Maria would look after her and do right by her. To see her here and now, the familiar warmth of her anticipation and appreciation, is more than he can truly tolerate. 

“You brought…” he half-croaks, and the family is looking at him bewildered, and Peter grins at him, and it’s then Charlotte gets Mary-Alice’s attention with snapping fingers (he wants to tell Charlotte she hates that, prefers waving or clapping, but he doesn’t. It’s not important.)

His eyes meet hers, and there is something absolutely humbling at the sheer delight and joy that she feels when she sees him. That suddenly she’s in his arms, her arms tight around his waist, burying her face in his chest. 

He can’t hold her tight enough, not really. He tried to justify his choice to leave her, but the guilt was still so heavy upon him. There’s a new scar by her eye, and her wrist was snapped clean off at some point. She still smells the same, like the damp woods he found her in, and salt air. 

She pulls back, half bouncing in her joy of seeing him, her hands already signing. 

“Maria sent me, said I could come be with you now. You went north and I was lonely. No one spoke to me like you.” They never had a sign for ‘love’; he’d mouth the words against her skin and hope she understood it on some level. And he hates that they have an audience when she grabs his hand and presses it to her lips, her mouth making the shape of his name, and there is something exquisite and undeserved about that being her way of telling him she loved him. 

“What is she doing?”

Emmett’s voice breaks the moment, the reunion, and when he looks up, she looks towards his family too. He knows they are seeing her red eyes first, noting her silence. 

“Mary-Alice is deaf,” Peter says, grinning at Jasper in that knowing way. 

You can say you were in love with her, Major. Everyone knew it. Hell, it was obvious she felt the same way. 

“Deaf?” Carlisle is staring at her in a way that makes Mary-Alice frown and tuck herself against him. Like something to be investigated. 

“Sign-language!” Esme is happy then; most of the family speak at least a small amount of ASL, and Esme is quick to introduce herself to Mary-Alice. 

Except…

Charlotte snorts and Peter shakes his head, and Mary-Alice just looks bewildered. 

“We didn’t…” he begins, wanting to explain the hurdles of having a deaf, illiterate vampire in camp. LSM was the foundation that propped up the language she speaks, but it is purely theirs. There is no manual for decades of shorthand, for their slang and shortcuts. For words their old manual did not have, for things that humans didn’t need to translate. 

“Wasn’t any American Sign Language in Monterrey in the 1920s,” Peter says pointedly. “She learned from that old book, right?”

“We made it up,” he admits as Mary-Alice signs that he looks worried, is everything okay? “Most of it.”

“Maria said that,” Charlotte admits. “That she was the only one left that knew how to talk to her, and the new generations weren’t interested in learning. Mary-Alice deserved better.”

“How do we talk to her, then?” Emmett sounds indignant, that the greatest affront is that he cannot greet Mary-Alice properly. 

“I’m sure it will take her no time at all to learn ASL,” Carlisle saids encouragingly, and that makes him frown more. She doesn’t need to learn a damn thing, they can learn… but it’s unfair of him to stop her from talking with other people, to keep her to himself. It was cruel of him to abandon her the first time, with no one to talk to. 

“She lips reads a little,” Peter says. “Don’t you, squirt?” She flips Peter the finger.

//

They get to finish their moment later that night, in his darkened study. She climbs into his lap, perched like a queen and comfortable to boot, to finish her spiel of how much she missed him, and how pleased she was to see him in person, to see how happy and good he looked. 

His hands fall into apologies, into half-spoken excuses for not grabbing her hand. But she shakes her head and silences those words, her hands cool against his before she speaks. 

“I was safe. You were not. I missed you but I am glad you went north to heal.” It’s then she plants a kiss on him, one that is in no way tentative or subtle; answering another question. That time and distance has not eaten away at what they had, at the spark and flame of all they were to each other. Of the way she tastes and the way she feels against him, and he missed her so much. Neither of them are loud (if he tries hard enough, he can make her scream, and he loves that sound. It won’t be tonight, that is for his ears only.) He doesn’t want them to be on display, for the Cullens to make assumptions and accusations (how could he have left her behind? He asks himself that regularly, and has never found an answer beyond depression being acidic, eating away at logic and reason and priorities. But to hear the accusation from another would be too much, would condemn him irreversibly.)

She hums in joy as they lie sprawled together on the couch in his office, her eyes bright and adoring, and its times like this that he knows why she has survived, why she was tolerated by Maria and protected, instead of being cast out or killed. She’s perfect, she’s enchanting. A beguiling little creature that has somehow chosen him as hers. 

Even the idea of what she faced alone is enough to make him feel sick, to hold her tighter. 

She curls against him, and turns his head so they can speak. 

It’s okay, I’m here with you now. 

It’s going to take time to realise that this is really happening. 

//

When the wolf lunges at him, over the boundary, she screams his name. He’s heard her say it only once before, and she pronounces the ‘J’ more like a ‘Y’ but it’s enough to freeze the rest of the family, the sound of her voice. 

She’s scrambling down the banks of the river to him, crouched opposite and slightly below the wolf, and the thing is that everyone sees the tiny deaf girl in lavender activewear running to his side when she is far, far more dangerous than anything or anyone present. She can take the head off the wolf - Paul, he thinks - before anyone has negotiated anything. Especially if she is afraid and threatened. So he grabs her and pulls her closer, to hold her down, even if it looks like him comforting a scared girl. 

“Don’t move,” he signs. “They are allies, just volatile. Young.”

She frowns again, but agrees, her eyes still tracking the wolf. 

Sam emerges from the forest, human again. 

“Who is she?” he demands, unamused by the addition. 

“An old friend of Jasper’s,” Carlisle placates. “She’s young and deaf, and joined our family for sanctuary.”

He wants to laugh and correct them. I knew her for decades and loved her more than anything on this planet. She is the sunshine, and I revolve around her willingly. My mate, my other half. She came to me because I am a coward, ashamed of leaving her behind.

//

[moonyeyedstar]

Punish You- Professor Lupin x Student Reader Smut Oneshot

*18*

“Y/n!” Professor Lupin shouts, snapping you out of your daydream.  It was very rare for him to shout in class.  Everyone was mostly well-behaved in his class so he rarely gave out detentions or took house points.  He was always very easygoing and didn’t seem to care too much if students were having an off day and not paying attention as long as they were not distracting others.  However, today was different.  Today he seemed to mind your lack of concentration during his lecture.  You always had good marks and participated a lot during lessons but today was just a strange couple of weeks for you.  You recently developed a crush on Professor Lupin.  It started off slowly, thinking about him at night or in the shower but now it consumes your daily life.  All you can think about his cock, and you just know he must have an enormous length from the outline of his trousers.  You can hardly ever focus in his class anymore because all you think about is him, the way his hands grip the chalk when he writes notes on the board, the way his face lights up when he is passionate about a topic, how sexy his face is when he is focused and showing the class a spell.  

“Y-yes Professor?” You stutter a bit, still shaking yourself from your daydream.  

“What did I just say?” He says through gritted teeth approaching where you are sitting to bring himself to stand directly in front of you.  He was looking down at you and his hands shoved in his pockets as he stared at you waiting for you to answer.  He knew you did not know and that you were not paying attention but chose to embarrass you in front of the class instead of letting it slide.  

“I-I don’t know sir” you mumble and stare at your hands on your desk.  Your embarrassment and nervousness earns a few laughs from the back of the class.  

“Enough!” He snaps at the rest of the class, “Class is dismissed, everyone out!” He growls.  Everyone quickly gathers their belongings and hurries out.  You shut your textbook and begin to slide it off the desk to put it into your bag but before you can finish doing so Professor Lupin slams his hand on your textbook.  “Not you,” he says firmly, “I need to talk to you about your lack of concentration during my lectures,” he says through gritted teeth.  

“Yes sir,” you say quietly, worry evident in your expression causing him to soften a bit and remove his hand from your textbook, however, his annoyance in you was still obvious.  

“You have been inattentive in class these past two weeks, you have failed two quizzes, I chose to ignore this before but it is evident you just have no care for your school work anymore.  I try my best to not act this way in class and towards my students, but to the ones who care about their studies.  I do not understand what could be distracting you this much but if you do not plan on working hard in my class then do not bother showing up, do you understand me.” 

“I understand Sir it’s just-“You stop yourself from embarrassing yourself further, you could never confess why you have been so distracted lately.  

“Just what?” He stays hovering over you.

“You are what is distracting me, sir,” you admit, your cheeks flushing red.  You stare at the closed textbook on your desk to avoid the awkward tension from your confession.  

“Oh?” His body tenses up.  He never would have expected you to say such a thing.  He never would have thought someone so young and beautiful could be so distracted by him.  

“I am sorry sir I never should have said anything-“You rush and grab your things and go to stand up but his hand grips your shoulder forcing you to stay seated.

“Wait,” he says firmly and runs a hand through his hair, so visibly aroused by your confession.  He cannot help but doubt himself, convincing himself that he took what you said the wrong way.  “What about me is distracting you, darling,” he says innocently but you both know the true motive behind his choice of words.  His choice of words makes your skin prickle and your stomach does a flip.

“Everything about you Sir, you’re intoxicating, I cannot get you out of my head,” you say with a seductive tone, gaining confidence as your eyes dart up and down his body but stop to watch his growing bulge in his trousers.

“God” he growls under his breath and shifts how he is standing.  “This is so wrong,” he says firmly, “Can’t you see what you’re doing to me,” he says through gritted teeth, his eyes roaming your body but the guilt of the situation is not as strong as his growing desire for your body now.  “You cannot be saying these things to me, Y/n, you need to learn your place, this is out of line,” he say pained by the idea of not getting to ruin you right then and there.  

“If I’m out of line professor maybe you need to punish me, to make sure I learn my lesson,” You say biting your lower lip.  Your voice was so enticing.  He could not control himself anymore, he was going to give in, he had to, there was nothing he wanted more at that moment than to do what you said, to punish you.  He begins to palm himself as he is uncomfortably hard, staring at you, “I think you’re right,” he says lowly, still palming himself.  You giggle a bit to yourself, you couldn’t imagine him ever being rough although you know that is the facade he was trying to portray.  Your lightheartedness only makes him more worked up.  Maybe it was the upcoming moon tomorrow night, maybe it was his growing desire for you, but whatever it was it was going to make him go feral on you.  “Why are you laughing?!” He raises his voice causing you to jump a bit, “Do I look like I’m messing around? Do I look like I won’t punish you?” He growls and stops palming himself, taking on a much more intimidating stance.  The bundle of nerves in your stomach grows, and you feel yourself begin to soak through your panties.  His dominating demeanor is both frightening yet arousing.  

“N-no Sir,” you say softly reacting just the way he wanted you to causing a smirk to grow across his face.  

“Good.” He says firmly and goes to lock the classroom door before returning to you, standing in front of your desk, “On your knees,” he growls making your heart skip a beat.  You nod and do as told getting under your desk and crawling until you are right in front of him, taking his belt in your hand before undoing it as you stare at his protruding bulge.  You place his belt on the floor and undo the button on his trousers and the zipper before pulling his pants down.  At first, you begin to palm him over his boxers but your Professor grabs your wrist roughly, “Use. Your. Mouth.” Professor Lupin scowls pushing his boxers down, his cock bouncing in front of your face.  You swallow hard before sliding your hand down his shaft, following this movement by pressing your lips against his tip, coating them in his precum.  You lick your lips and look up at him 

“You taste so good, Professor,” you say breathlessly earning a low growl of annoyance from him.

“Do not tease me, Y/n” he scowls before roughly gripping the back of your head and forcing his length in your mouth.  You gag when his cock hits the back of your throat as you it was unexpected.  “You can take it, I know you can, you’ve done this plenty of times you slut,” he groans before gripping your hair tighter and you whimper around his length and bob your head and press more weight onto your arms in front of you holding yourself up.  “Hands behind your back,” he sneers, kicking your hands away.  You cross your hands behind your back and struggle to keep yourself balanced.  You slobber around him sloppily from lack of balance.  He uses his grip on the back of your head to keep you still while he begins fucking your mouth.  You choke on him and tears well in your eyes.  “You dirty little whore you love choking on my cock don’t you?” He groans and his cock twitches in your mouth.  Tear spill down your cheeks as he fucks your mouth ruthlessly.  His hips jerk further going down your throat.  He pulls your head off his cock, your lips make a popping sound as you come off him.  He pants a bit and stares down at you on the floor, “Take your clothes off. Right now.” He demands making your clit throb.  

“Yes, Professor,” you whimper and strip quickly.  Your Professor stares at your body taking the sight of your naked frame in, “Jesus fuck” he mutters to himself and places his hands roughly on your hips before bending you over your desk roughly, keeping his hand tangled in your hair to press your head down on keeping your face flush on the desk before leaning down to whisper into your with his cock pressed against your soaked folds, “I’m going to fucking ruin you,” he growls before slamming into your tight, soaked cunt.

“Oh Professor Lupin!” You cry out gripping the desk.  You feel a hint of pain from the stretch and have no time to adjust to his size as he continues you fuck your tight throbbing pussy at a merciless pace.  

"You like that don’t you slut!” He growls and uses his free hand to spank your ass roughly, “Count for me,” he sneers before spanking you again.

“Two!” You whimper and squeeze your eyes shut.  He continues to fuck you at a brutal pace whilst spanking you eight more times.  You count every single one and are left out of breath.  “God you’re so big, Professor!” You moan, your body shaking under him.  Your walls flutter around his cock every time it twitches inside of you. 

“I bet you’ve never been fucked like this before, with a cock this big,” he smirks and pulls your head back with his grip on your hair.   

“Fffffuck!” You whined loving the feeling of him filling you up.  His tip hits your G-spot repeatedly leaving you shaking under him.  The familiar bundle of nerves builds up in the pit of your stomach and you knew you would cum undone in any second.  “Oh Professor Lupin! Please! Im so so so close!” You whine gripping the desk and holding your orgasm as best as you can.  Professor Lupin stops thrusting and keeps his hips in you still.  “No! Please!” You beg on the verge of tears looking at the feeling in your stomach.  You are so desperate for him that you begin to push your hips back and forth fucking yourself on his cock.  The sight of you pleasuring yourself on his cock makes him feral.

“God look at you, such a good whore making yourself feel good on my cock all on your own,” he says condescendingly.

“Please finish me off Professor Lupin, I love the way you fuck me,” you beg.  This is all it takes for him to grip your hips and pound into you.  Your stomach does flips and you feel yourself close to your orgasm again. 

“Cum for me your filthy whore!” He growls into your ear leaning down to it before kissing your neck roughly and nibbling on it.  His words send you over the edge, a wave of ecstasy washes over you as your walls clench around his cock and you release onto him.  

“Oh, Professor!” You cry out, your body writhing under his.  His thrusts get sloppy in you before he gives one last powerful thrust before emptying himself inside your throbbing cunt.  His cock twitches inside you as he fills you up, flooding you with his seed.  The feeling of his cum filling you up sends you over again and you contract around him and your walls continue to flutter as you cum a couple more times.  Your Professor topples over you and lays on you but does not put all his weight on you and presses soft gentle kisses on the back of your neck.  His demeanor has completely softened. 

“You did so well for me,” he says with a small smirk, “took your punishment very well,” he says pulling out of you, his seed spilling from your cunt.  

“T-thank you, Professor,” you stutter still blissed out from your multiple orgasms.  He chuckles lowly and rubs your back before grabbing a towel and cleaning you off gently.  You blush at the unexpected aftercare.

“I hope you learned your lesson,” he smirks as you both get dressed.

“No, Professor,” you blush and head for the door, “You only gave me more to think about,” you smile to yourself replaying it in your mind over and over as you walk back to your dorm. 

[luvistqrzzz]

･˳ . ⋆ these days i am taken back to the summer we loved

loving you losing you- jay one shot

pairing- jay x f.reader

summary- loving jay was like a dream, a dream so happy you knew he wasn't yours...

or where jay tried to break away from the system of soulmates but fate had other plans for him... and you.

genre- strangers to not lovers (uh oh), soulmate!au, college!au, first love, fluff, angst

word count- 7.7K (can yall hear me scream outta joy??)

warnings- profanity, mentions of drinking, my writing (lawl), sad ending (sorry not sorry)

taglist- @en-chantedtomeetyou

A/N- happy belated jay day <33!! Omfg my first ever oneshot?? I still cant believe i just had the motivation to finish this wip😭😭... its my first time ever writing a long fic so it maybe a bit all over the place but i really enjoyed writing this hehehe! So i hope yall enjoy this :((! try listening to this playlist for more feels it really helped me in the writing process! the beach scene is slightly inspired from 2521

note- this is purely a work of fiction and in no means depicts the idols' real personalities or the relationships between them.

･˳ . ⋆   subtle loneliness

Jay was never the one to believe in fate or destiny or even the fact that there was something like an 'other half. Despite having parents who loved each other and having their soulmate link, Jay never bought it. In a world where every individual was connected to another through some link, be it matching tattoos or the ability to feel someone's pain, he hadn't found his.

For him, it was bullshit. Who even was fate to decide whom he loved? ('Well, no one but, honey, you can't meddle with how it's meant to be', he still remembers his mother's words.)

Maybe as a kid, Jay used to sit long hours in his bedroom, willing to feel his soulmate's link, search for any tattoo and even write on his palm with hopes they'd reply.

Nothing ever happened and as he started growing older, he saw people around him meet their soulmate, he saw the way their eyes lighted up in their mention or the way they used to talk about their other halves.

He grew distant... different. It wasn't easy to be always the odd one out.

Even as Jay tried to go against it and casually date people in his high school, he realized how true his parents were. It never felt right, the feelings were never there and even if they were, they died too soon. In the end, he was left alone.

Which brought us to the present time of Jay's 3rd year in college. He sat on a creaky cafeteria chair observing his friends. Heeseung was busy on his phone messaging his soulmate, Yunjin,. Jake and Lily sat across him, laughing at something Sunghoon just said, their matching flower tattoo glowing dimly.

Looking at them, he felt this sort of loneliness fill in him, the type which made him want to runaway from his life. He had loving and supportive parents and friends who wouldn't leave him but deep down, Jay felt empty. Empty because despite his opposition against the system of soulmates, he knew he yearned for one. He yearned for someone who'd understand him, someone with whom he could share the love he saw in his parents.

'Yo bro, you going to the party today?' Heeseung's voice cut through Jay's thoughts.

'What-? Oh at Yeonjun's place right?'

'Yep', Sunghoon replied getting up. 'Time to get highh- ouch!' He exclaimed as Sunoo smacked his head from behind.

'Shut up, pretty boy. I ain't taking you home', the latter said, walking past the table where they sat.

'Oh c'mon Sun!' Sunghoon whined, following his boyfriend out of the college canteen.

Jay chuckled at their antics. It was almost... cute, he couldn't lie.

Keep reading

･˳ . ⋆   deep conversations with a drunk stranger

You weren't supposed to be at the party. Hell, you should have been studying for a test scheduled next week but being friends with Somi did have its disadvantages. Such as being dragged to some college party as the designated driver.

It wasn't like you hated parties. Quite honestly, you thought they were sort of fun and sometimes getting drunk seemed like the perfect option. But on that particular Friday night, you wanted to be anywhere but at your senior Yeonjun's house.

'Y/N it'll be fun i promise!' Somi begged you, dragging you out from her car to his door. 'No. You are just there to hook up with some guy.'

'Whatever. I am loyal to my soulmate!' She stuck out her tongue whilst pointing towards the black ink on her forearm.

'And who knows', Somi said, entering the house which was presently filled with half-drunk college students. 'Maybeee you could meet your soulmate today.'

You sighed, pushing past people, at the same time waving and smiling to some. 'Sure. My link-less soulmate', you replied sarcastically.

You realized she was leading you to the kitchen which was comparatively quieter but you could still spot a couple out in the distance.

'Hello ladies! What would you like in this fine evening?' The person sitting at the bar counter said, spotting you both.

'Hey Sunghoon, what you got?' You best friend asked the boy leaning against the counter.

'Some beer if you wanna stay with your senses or maybe something stronger. What about my specialty? It has been a hit today.' 'Fine... Lemme judge your bartender skills.

He turned towards you, 'And for you...?' 'Water because I need to drive this bitch back to dorms', You gave the blonde haired girl beside you a pointed look.

She grinned before her eyes squinted, following some guy. 'Ay sunghoon! You know that boy, standing 9 o'clock? Is he taken?'

'That's... Beomgyu. And no, lucky for you, he is pretty single.'

She clapped her hands, almost like scheming her plan. 'See you later, bestie!' Somi gave you a flying kiss, taking her drink from the counter and walking down the hallway.

You sighed, being left alone, your other friend Gaeul was down with a bad flu. You gave Sunghoon a tight lippped smile, accepting a glass of water.

An hour later, you found yourself moving to the backyard of the house. After spending an excruciatingly painful time trying to strike conversation with drunk students and avoiding being pulled into the dancing crowd, you escaped.

The night had cooled down a bit and the spring breeze hit your face, you walked up to the open. But what you didn't see was the figure already sitting in the dark.

'You can sit down if you want to.' You flinched at the sudden voice, turning to face the boy sitting down on the empty backyard.

You considered your options. You could go inside into a crowded party and not have to have a one on one conversation with a stranger. Or maybe you could avoid all the noise and do some small talk with a person who was kind enough to even offer you a seat.

You nodded, seating yourself down beside the boy on the steps. Only then did you notice who he was, 'Park Jay...?'

'Oh, so you know me?' You shrugged in reply. You had heard of him, the handsome and studious guy and spotted him in passing.

It was the first time you had ever seen Jay up close. And to be honest, he was just as gorgeous as you had heard people around you gush, maybe even more.

Almost as if you could look at him the entire day without getting bored.

The boy beside you questioned, 'And you are?' 'Y/N. We are in the same year, in case you're wondering', you added, half knowing what his next question could have been.

'Nice to meet you, Y/N', he extended his hand, giving a wide drunken grin. You shook his hand. It was the first time you had seen him smile because all the other times were from some other end of a college hallway. And you wouldn't lie, it suited his otherwise serious face.

A comfortable silence settled between you two for a while. You both looked ahead. Jay looked up as if counting the stars and you stared at the small garden. You could hear crickets chirp in the distance. And if it weren't for the fact that you had a friend to drive home to, you would have snuggled up in the back yard and slept.

'So, Y/N', Jay's voice suddenly boomed around your environment, as if crushing the calmth which surrounded you both. 'Do you believe in soulmates?'

This caught you off guard. Why would even a stranger be asking you this? 'Uh, that's... random.'

'Just answer me. I'm tired and I wanna talk to someone', he replied, somewhat impatiently.

I mean, what harm could it be? It was a typical topic of conversation and you needed some distraction to keep yourself awake.

Sitting up straighter, you looked towards him whose eyes were distant. 'Well, yep, I do.'

'You must be one of those lucky people who found their soulmates early in life, huh?' He whispered under his breath, not meaning you to listen.

'Actually no', you replied calmy. 'I... don't have a soulmate. Or even a link for that matter.'

It didn't faze you anymore. The fact that you didn't feel any physical or mental signs of a soulmate. Some people did consider it weird. But it was all okay for you.

Jay's head quickly turned towards you. 'So, there are people like me?'

'I'm sorry?' 'Guess I'm just like you, Y/N.'

Your stomach flipped at the new information. You hadn't thought of ever meeting someone who had much the same problem as yours. 'Oh. That's well... new?' 'Why do you still believe in it?' He asked further.

'Why not? Imagine being with someone who understands you so much that it's crazy. Don't you think it's pretty amazing how two people are connected since birth, destined to meet? I feel that's kinda magical. In a cruel world, sometimes it's worth believing in fairytales.'  Jay's eyes were closed but he was listening to every single thing. Almost as if your voice was calming him down, putting a stop to his racing thoughts.

You then added, 'You aren't different, Jay. You just need some time.' Well, this is what you always said to yourself.

'But what about my soulmate? What are they waiting for?' he opened his eyes and you noticed how dark his eyes were but they held a soft subtle innocence in them. Even though Jay had a casual smile on his face, his eyes said otherwise.

You weren't an expert in reading people but you thought you saw a bitter loneliness in his eyes. It reminded you of yourself, which made sense. And for some reason it made you feel sad too, it made you want to take away his sadness.

'They are there somewhere. Don't worry about them. And I hope you find them, just at the right time. Just when you need them. It's hard I know, to go about your day seeing all the people around you together.' You trailed, checking the time. 'Oh fuck! I think I need to jet. Gotta save my friend from making bad decisions', you chuckled, getting up.

'Can you read my mind, Y/N?' Jay wondered. You laughed, 'Oh yes! I'm secretly a psychic. Bye for now, Park Jay.' You waved him goodbye, your thoughts slowly getting occupied with those concerning Somi as you made your way down the hallway.

Jay muttered a small adieu, his face resting on his cheek. He felt lighter and giddier for some reason. Like, excited to meet you again. Something in the way you talked made him listen to your voice again and again.

･˳ . ⋆   almost... complete

Jay didn't believe in fate but after that night he hoped that he could see you again. Even if it was just to talk to you once. All he knew was your name. He was starting to forget your face which he had seen in the dark in a drunken haze.

He may have almost forgotten the sound of your voice a month later if it hadn't been a somewhat familiar voice calling out to him when he was somewhere in the depths of sleep.

'Uh sir, excuse me. We are about to close', you said, lightly tapping the shoulder of the boy who seemed to be asleep, his face down on the table of the cafe where you worked. All around him were pages and books and his laptop was wide open beside him, its screen dark. Typical college student things you could relate to.

Since starting your shift three hours ago, you had seen him in this position. Your only hoped that he hadn't fainted or anything due college pressure. That may have caused you some trouble.

The person before you slowly started to stir after your continuous calls. It was almost 11pm and you couldn't afford to be late to an early class tomorrow.

Seeing him lift his head off the table, you moved away.

'Who wha-' Jay yawned, rubbing his eyes to see his surroundings only to find your widened eyes staring at his sleepy form. His stomach dropped at your sight, moreover at the thought of you finding him sleeping like that. 'Oh fuc-' he hastily patted his hair and wiped his chin for any signs of him drooling.

You tried to hold back your laugh upon seeing him so flustered. You wouldn't lie, he did look adorable, quite a contrast to studious and mysterious vibe he had going on. 'Jay, we meet again.'

'You work here?' 'I mean, I wouldn't be wearing the barista's uniform if I didn't', you replied teasingly.

'Sorry. My bad', he rubbed his forehead. 'How long was I asleep?'

'More than three hours for sure. It's closing time and everyone has left. I suggest you pack up', you pointed at the mess on his table.

He realized what he had done. Slept when he should have been completing his assignment. 'No. It's due today', he whispered to himself, softly banging his head on the table.

'Here', you came from behind the counter and placed a cup of coffee in front of him. 'In case you need to pull an all nighter. This really helps.'

Jay quickly sat up seeing you. He was taken aback, 'I- uh can't accept this.' 'You have to. Now, quick, I need to go back home', you said, closing any room for arguments.

Jay awkwardly stood beside you, finishing his coffee as you locked the cafe. Patting the lock twice as a part of an old habit, you started walking with Jay following in tow.

You wouldn't lie, you were kind of nervous by his presence, you didn't even know why. Plus you were at loss of what to say.

Okay, maybe that wasn't the case... you did have questions for him like why was he so tired, what was his major, who gave him even the permission to look so attractive without even trying- (oh, that wasn't part of the script). Hell, you wanted to know him better and maybe even befriend him. And of course, you hadn't been thinking of him a lot since that one Friday night (ps, it's a lie).

'Sooo', you stopped in your tracks in an attempt to start up a conversation. 'Tough week?' Jay chuckled, catching up to your position, 'You know, you don't have to start a conversation just because we are so awkward.'

Fuck? Your cheeks turned pink in embarrassment, 'Uh-' 'But yep, I haven't had proper sleep in a while. Just have these assignments piling up which sucks.' He let out an exasperated sigh, 'Be a business major, my dad said, it'll be fun.'

'I can assure you that a creative writing major ain't any better', you rolled your eyes, walking up to the bus stop.

'Wait that's so cool!' Jay exclaimed and he meant it. He wasn't at all the creative type and he really marveled at how people could make others feel so much with words.

'Uhh it isn't as cool as it sounds', you scrunched your nose in disgust. Jay couldn't help but feel his stomach do a back flip at your expression. Dude, what is wrong with you? Why are you being a creep? His inner voice scolded him.

'But yea, it's fun when I'm not drowning in- oh the bus is here!' You announced looking at the familiar last bus that ran to your apartment.

You got in, finding a mostly empty vehicle aside from two sleeping college students and a man returning from work. You turned back, raising your hand to wave at Jay only to find him climbing behind you.

'Wait you live south of the campus too?' You asked, confused.

Jay made a surprised face, 'Ah yes! Just a bit farther away from there.' 'Weird I haven't ever seen you in this route.'

He laughed, which you assumed to be, nervously before going a taking the window seat.

You stood their in the aisle wondering whether to just sit beside him or take another one. You knew you should just find another place, considering how empty the bus was but weren't you both having a conversation?

A conversation you didn't want to end...

Jay didn't expect to feel a presence beside him as he looked out of the bus window. Surprised, he turned to look at you staring back at him.

When you saw him looking at you, you quickly ducked your head and cleared your throat, 'Ahem, so as I was saying...' you trailed, questioning whether he wanted to hear your useless banter.

'... About writing? Tell me more about it', Jay eagerly completed for you.

A small smile grew on your face. 'Tell me when you get bored, okay?' You jokingly warned him. I could never get bored of you talking, he thought but nodded nonetheless.

'Well, this would be me', you said, seeing the bus near the stop situated just a block or two away from your apartment. 'Where do you live?' You asked him as you took your bag.

'Uh', the boy stuttered for a second. 'The... next stop yep', Jay gave you a smile, internally slapping himself for the answer.

'Oh', you nodded. 'It was... nice talking to you, again.'

'I'm pretty sure the first time doesn't count', he chuckled. 'Message me once you reach home', he blurted out and then realized what he had just said. He wasn't even as close as a friend to say something like that, what was he thinking?

You felt your cheeks warm at his concern (?). Honestly, you found it very cute. 'Sure Mom', you teased him. 'Bye Park Jay!' You waved, getting down.

His lips quirked upwards, waving back to your slowly disappearing figure before taking out his phone and checking where he was. He had never, for the life of him, even ventured into this side of the town. Mostly he didn't have any need to.

Yes, he had just taken a different route and ended up quite far away from his dorms. All because he didn't want to let a chance go to talk to you.

After he was out of the bus and sitting on a bench, the dim streetlight shining on him, Jay sighed waiting for his cab and rested his head on his cheeks, he wondered out loud, 'what is happening to me?'

He knew it wasn't normal for him to be like this, use up the time talking to you when he should be doing his assignment. But you had an aura around yourself, something about the way you talked, the things you talked about, all seemed to pull Jay towards you. He had noticed the way your eyes sparkled when speaking about something you loved and how you were just as attentive to hear him rant.

He wasn't used to feeling like this, almost... complete.

･˳ . ⋆ against all odds

After that day, you talked to Jay almost everyday. Be it long deep text conversations or a good morning or have a nice day across the hallways, he could always find you somewhere. Sometimes you both ditched your friend groups to have lunch together because it was kind of boring to sit there with couples all around, you both claimed. Somedays you studied together at the library where you found yourself taking small nervous glances at his concentrated face.

But, at least for you, you just enjoyed his presence. Enjoyed how easy it was to strike a conversation with him, talk to him like old friends. Enjoyed how despite being kind of serious, Jay was very funny and he always found a way to make you cringe with him dad jokes.

It was all the small little things about him that just made it harder to not adore him. Like when the time he was willing to take abandoned kitten homes despite being allergic to them. Or when he tried the coffee flavors you were experimenting with, even though, they all tasted awful.

It didn't mean anything else, right...? we are just friends for God's sake! you told yourself. But then why were you feeling giddy at the sight of him walking up to you? Why did you feel your stomach do a sudden turn as he neared you, a soft smile on his face?

'Ready?' Jay asked. You nodded and noticed how casual yet handsome he looked with an oversized t-shirt and shorts. Well, he knew just how to pull any look. ('You know, you could have just chosen a fashion major', you had said to Jay once when he was contemplating his life choices).

'Let's go!' You exclaimed, skipping your way ahead of him. He chuckled behind you, feeling his heart warm at your childish action but then grumbled about how crowded it'd be at the Uni's summer festival. You turned to face him and stuck out your tongue, 'Too late to cop out now!'

You thought it was kind of a crime that Jay hadn't ever been to the festival in the past two years (for his defense, he said that the it was filled with soulmates. 'How can you know if you haven't ever gone there?' You counter questioned him). So, this year you took it up to yourself to drag the boy.

However, surprisingly, it wasn't as hard to convince him as you had expected, just a bribe to treat him to free coffee every week and win him something from the fair.

So, there you both were, walking through the festival, with various stalls set up by the students. You could see Somi in the kissing booth and Gaeul was probably somewhere with her soulmate, Hueningkai, hosting a bake sale.

'How do you like it?' You asked Jay, walking side by side while searching for the game stalls. 'It's... okay. But hey, I was right, this place is filled with soulmates.'

'Omg c'mon now! Let them be. Just because we haven't found ours doesn't mean you have to be so anti-romantic', you playfully slapped his shoulder. 'There it is!' You spotted it, pointing at the ring toss game.

You pulled him through the crowd. Jay noticed the way your hand was tugging at his wrist and he felt a jolt of electricity run through his body at the contact.

'Oh Jake?!' You exclaimed upon seeing Jay's friend at the stall.

'Y/N!' He replied enthusiastically. You hadn't hung out with his friends much but the times you had they had been nothing but warm, especially Jake who was always willing to talk to you.

'What are you doing here?' Jay asked in a flat voice. 'Making money, mate.'

The Australian guy then noticed your hand circled around his and wiggled his eyebrows at his friend. Realizing what he was implying, you quickly dropped his hand, embarrassed.

'One ticket for the game', the tall boy beside you said, breaking the awkward atmosphere that had settled and taking out his wallet.

'Hey! I pay', you scolded him. He turned to look at you with bored eyes, 'Yeah right, no way.'

You sputtered, 'B-but I forced you to come here, I should pa-' 'Which gives me even more reason to pay because you did succeed.'

You grumbled, defeated and knowing how stubborn he could be.

'So, you get four chances with one ticket', Jake said, handing you four rings. 'Make all these four through the pegs and you get a prize. A smaller prize if you get three pegs down.'

You nodded, determined to win.

What followed was your very hard attempt to throw those rings in place. You didn't realize how bad of a hand-eye coordination you had until only one of the rings made it to the peg. 'Fuck! Wait I don't get anything for one?' Jake shook his head, giving a sad smile.

Beside you, Jay chuckled, 'Tried your luck? Let's go.'

'Nope! One more ticket', you took out the money from your bag, beating Jay to it. 'Okay phew!' You prepared yourself, tying your hair.

Jake cheered, 'Y/N you can do it!'

You couldn't. 'Nooo! What the hell!' You cried in defeat, looking at the four hoops that had landed at different places, one even hitting Jake on his head.

'Oh God. You are terrible at this. Here, lemme show you', Jay said obviously done with how poorly you had performed. 'Last round.'

He came behind you, one hand touching your shoulder and the other one holding your hand. You stiffened at it, feeling his breath near your ear.

This was normal, right? Normal for a friend to touch your hands oh so gently and guide it so that you could win the prize?

But I have already won my prize you thought, turning your head to look at him carefully instructing you, his eyes on the game. You didn't know how to stop the blush from settling, seeing Jay so close, his dark eyes sparkling in the setting sun. It felt almost... magical.

Magical but deep down you knew, wrong because he wasn't your soulmate and you weren't his.

In the daze you were in, you didn't realize when and how he had put four rings through the hoop. 'There!' He exclaimed, removing his hand from your. 'That's how you do it', Jay said, flicking your forehead.

'Ouch!' You tried your best to break away from your thoughts, shaking your head and making a face of fake annoyance. 'But ugh-!' You pouted. 'I wanted to win it for you!' You whined

He chuckled, taking a plushie, 'You can still claim it like you won it for me, hm?'

'Fine.' You snatched it from him, turned around for a second before offering it to him, 'My dear friend Park Jay, here is my bribe for bringing you here. Please accept this little offering for I have won it with all my blood, sweat and tears!' You proclaimed proudly.

Yea, quite some eyes turned to your direction but you didn't really mind it. Jay cracked up, before pulling you away from the game stall, 'C'mon noe. Gosh, dramatic much?'

You grinned, 'Only for you.' Playfully bumping your shoulder with his.

He brushed it off but his mind was somehow stuck at your earlier three words. only for... him? It shouldn't account to much, but it did.

After going around the festival for another half an hour, greeting some of your friends, (forcibly) eating the burnt cookies Gaeul had made and stuffing your mouths with some much better food, you both made your way to the open area where the live band took place. It was the star attraction and your college was pretty famous for it.

The best thing was that anyone could come up on stage and sing their hearts out and the audience would follow them. Even before starting college, you used to come there alone to enjoy the vibe.

And now you had Jay with you.

Night had fallen by the time the first band stepped up, hyping up the crowd. Luckily, it was a clear evening, the stars shining bright as the songs started flowing in.

The first few were soft melodies, you swayed your body to the beat and watched Jay standing beside you, his eyes on the stage. You wanted to decipher what they said. Were they mesmerized? Did he feel bored? Was he thinking of something?

Jay wasn't a very expressive person. The only time you had seen him in a fully vulnerable state, filled with feelings, was the night you met him. But you didn't want him to be like that, you didn't want him to hold back his emotions.

So, you took his hand. Jay, surprised, turned to face you. You shrugged and smiled, raising his hand with yours, moving it with the song.

While you closed your eyes, he was still looking at you, his lips parted apart which slowly turned into a small smile. He studied your features one by one, eyes filled with adoration.

And that is when Jay realized. He didn't need any soulmate or his other half if he could spend all his time with you. Like, at that moment how you both were dancing to some fast track; panting, screaming and shouting like everyone else. He didn't need anything else if he could see you smiling, staring into his eyes with orbs filled with joy.

There may not be fate connecting you and Jay but it was fate that had brought you to him and at that moment he felt he wouldn't give up on you, even if he found his soulmate.

'And for the next song, I'll request you to partner up with your soulmate and if you haven't found yours, grab the person who's closest to you', the lead singer said.

Before you could look for a friend or anyone, Jay turned you towards him. 'The person nearest to me, you', he whispered, pulling you a bit closer. You nodded, feeling butterflies going wild in your stomach, unable to look anywhere but his face.

A guitar started to strum in the background and the low, sad voice of the singer followed it. It was a familiar song.

Jay bathed in the lyrics of the song, singing along to Jaurim's 'Til Death Do Us Apart'. You placed a hand on his shoulder and intertwined the other with his fingers. He looked into your eyes, '죽음이 우리를 갈라놓을 때까지 (i'll not let go of your hand that i take).'

'오, 그대여 내 손을 잡아요 (my dear, hold my hand)

이제는 혼자가 아니야 (you're no longer alone)'

You didn't know what passed between you both at that moment but you realized that somewhere along the past few weeks, you had crossed the line of being mere friends with Jay, or rather your feelings had.

Or else you wouldn't be resting your head on his shoulder, feeling his voice flow into your ears like some age old melody you had been searching for...

'Til the death do us apart

'Til the end of the world...'

Later that night, Jay lay awake on his bed, thinking back to the feelings that had dawned on him. He felt a smile make the way to his face as he thought of you. The way you lighted up the world or rather his. He hadn't ever felt so connected to a person. He knew that the feelings he had been harbouring were more than just passing emotions.

Could it be possible...? Possible that you were what he was searching for the entire time. Neither of you had a link, so it could make sense. Jay sat up, the sheets rustling under him.

'Bro, sleep and wipe the lovesick smirk off your face', Heeseung yawned from beside him. 'No I'm not-' he tried protesting.

The other boy turned to face him with a deadpanned look, 'You look different. As in, happier.'

'What...' Jay was confused, he didn't feel that way.. okay maybe that was a big fat lie, he did feel... well, something!

'You know well enough what I mean, Park. Don't act like we are blind to you and Y/N. See, Jay, you have always been kind of a... how do I explain it? Somewhat of a pessimistic sad person, using sarcasm to mask yourself, which I totally understand. But these days, dude, you are more open and free and I think it's because of her...'

Jay didn't know how to react. Heeseung was right. He did feel like meeting you sort of took away the sense of loneliness set deep within him. Not only because you were like him but also because you were you. Always attempting to have fun, to pull Jay out with you, like that one time you both dance in the rain with your friends even though normally he would never. You had a subtle wild and playful side to your deep persona.

'Do you... do you think we could actually be together if I tried?' He asked his friend, his eyes on the dark ceiling.

'Now I don't know the chances of her being your soulmate but even if she isn't, do you want to take the chance to be with her? It's up to you, Jay.'

He was right. There was no gurantee that you both were meant to be but he was willing. He was willing to take the chance.

Against all odds..

･˳ . ⋆ maybe this moment would last forever

In the days that followed the night of the festival, Jay seemed changed, but in a good way or so you hoped. You noticed, in small ways, how he smiled more often, seemed happier when around you and randomly gave you compliments. Jay was a naturally helpful person but somedays you could find him waiting outside your class or walking you home which was quite afar from his, despite your protests. ('See as a good friend, it is my duty to accompany you back home late at night', he said once. You had scoffed, 'Speak for yourself, Park. You are literally scared of everything.')

This was unlike him but what was unlike you was that you liked it. You liked how he made you feel- giddy, excited and blushing. You had had fleeting crushes before but with Jay it was something more because with each little interaction, you found yourself falling more and more.

Love was a strong word and for someone who had never got a sign from their soulmate, you were even more wary of it. In fact, you couldn't even say how it felt. Did it feel the way your parents used to cook dinner together in the kitchen, looking into each other's eyes, having some secret moment pass between them?

'Hey, Y/N', Jay called out to you in a low whisper as you both sat at a secluded corner of the library. You looked up from the short story you were working on for the past hour. It was due in a few days and you were stuck at just the most crucial part if the story.

'What now?' You questioned, rubbing your forehead in slight frustration for running out of ideas. 'Wanna ditch this for a while?'

'Look, Park, you may be having a nice time with assignments right now but I'm struggling to write the ending', you glared at him despite wanting nothing more than to close your laptop shut.

He clicked his tongue, 'Which gives us even more reason to have a little fun, hm?' 'Since when do you give up on our studying session?! You asked, confused at what he was saying. 'It's my job to take you on random adventures!'

How can I even study when you're the only thing in my mind? He thought but replied, 'Guess I should take over your position. Now, give yourself a break, Y/N.'

You sighed but gave in. A break wouldn't hurt... right? Plus, it was Jay so you knew you would have said agreed after some persuasion.

'Where are we going? Are you kidnapping me?' You demanded, packing your things. He winked, 'You'll see.' Your heart did a flip at his action and you couldn't help but wonder what had been taking over your friend (? Or crush? Or the literal love of your life?) for the past days.

'Okay, is this a trap to drive me to my death?' You huffed, sitting in Jay's car, remembering that one time he had offered to drive you home and you had to take over the wheel considering how bad he was driving.

'Don't worry, I don't drive that bad. Trust me.' 'The only thing I cannot do', You lied.

'Are we going...' You trailed, turning your face away from the rapidly changing scenery and looking towards the boy heavily concentrated on the road. He gave a quick smile, 'To the beach? Yep.'

'You know, I could have driven us to there too', you protested seeing how tensed he looked. 'But I wanted to kind of... surprise you', he muttered.

You stopped, staring at his face. God, you couldn't even help it but to giggle at his words. 'Caught you there, didn't I?' He smirked.

You whispered, not meaning him to hear you, 'You did...

You felt his hand on yours. 'Focus on driving, dummy.' But he didn't remove it. A blush caught in your cheeks as you rested your head on the seat, looking ahead. It was almost 6 in the evening but the sun was still up there, thanks to summer.

The beach was quite far from the campus but a mundane happiness filled you, driving down the empty roads, singing along to the music playing. You could hear Jay's soft voice sing under his breath as he slowly gained confidence in his driving. 'You should sing more often, Jay.' it sounds like honey.

'Finally!' You exclaimed, jumping out of the car and seeing the beach spread before you. You squinted your eyes in confusion, 'But why is this so empty?'

Jay came up behind you, taking your hand, 'I drove us to a quieter part. I accidentally discovered it during my first year when me and Sunghoon bunked our classes. Let's go!'

'You know we could get sick, Y/N!' Jay screamed at you as you splashed water all over his shirt.

You teased him, 'Too late! You suggested that we- yah!' You shouted as he suddenly attacked you. He laughed at your shocked face.

'Park, you'll pay!' You warned, searching the sand for anything you could find.

'What are you doing?', he asked, curious before widening his eyes at the sight of you picking up a stray rock and readying yourself to chase him. 'Are you crazy?' He ran in the opposite direction.

Jay turned around to find you catching up to him, laughing, the rock held high up your hand. The wind blew your hair in different directions and the sun casting beautiful patterns on your face. Jay thought he hadn't seen a sight so free before.

He fumbled for his phone, taking it out and snapping a picture before you could protest. 'Delete that!' You demanded, upon reaching him and softly hitting him with the stone.

Jay shook his head, pulling you with him closer to the shore, the waves washing up to your feet and the feeling of the sand slipping under you. 'God, I missed this so much!' You muttered to yourself. 'And I missed feeling so complete', he said.

Your face lighted up at his words. He was a lonely boy and you were a lonely girl but maybe that is what completed your friendship. You both were so alike that you loved small differences you shared.

'What are we? Kids?' Jay asked, sitting beside you in front of his car, waiting for the fireworks.

'Maybe. But I liked this. I like feeling like we are some dumb 10 year olds instead of adults', you said looking ahead at the horizon and reflecting back on the past hour where you both ran around the shore, writing your names on the sand, drenching each other in water and bathing in the happiness that those moments brought.

It felt special, like you didn't want to let it go. 'God, why do I feel like this moment would last forever?' You wondered out loud, a sinking feeling in your stomach knowing how it will end in a matter of few minutes. 'Maybe it will.' Jay scooted closer to you, resting his head on your shoulder.

You looked down at his soft hair and grinning face and put your hand around his shoulder and nervously put your head on his.

For once, you seem to forgot that he wasn't your soulmate, you just wanted to convince yourself that maybe... just maybe Jay could be the one.

You now think how foolish you were to be blinded by those delusions.

'You once said I'll meet my soulmate just at the right time. I guess that didn't happen but I met you, just at the right time. I don't think I want to give up on being twenty or in love with you. I want this summer to last forever, I want us to last forever', his voice came like a soft whisper, the words blending into each other inside your brain as you tried to process what he had just said. You stared back at him, your heart leaping at what he had just said.

The four lettered word you had been scared of. But at that very moment, you thought love found a meaning for you. At that very moment when you saw Jay's face nearing yours, his eyes sparkling with some hidden thought.

However, you knew what they said. Love. 'I love you-' He couldn't complete it because the next moment, you cupped his face, pulling him closer into a kiss.

And that's when you found the meaning of love. It was simple, soft like landing on a bed of feathers, but it was also like a spark, like the fireworks you could hear in the distance as his lips moved in sync with yours in the dying light of the summer, saying the words you don't think you'll ever have the courage to utter. Love was a grand thing but sometimes it just meant spending a summer evening at the beach, letting the feeling of youth wash over you. Sometimes it meant playing a game you couldn't win.

And it was also the moment when you understood what heartbreak felt like because after you broke the kiss, resting your forehead on his, your breaths the only sound you could hear, something caught your eyes. It was Jay's finger that was tracing your cheeks.

It was a red string, so thin, barely visible. The red string of fate, that connected two souls together and that's when you saw, it wasn't connected to your finger...

He wasn't yours to keep.

･˳ . ⋆ letting you go

'Y/N, wait, can... we just... talk?' A voice called out to you from across the almost empty hallway.

His voice.

You stopped in your tracks, a familiar feeling of sadness taking over you. Over the past week, you had tried everything to avoid Jay, to keep him at bay.

The car ride back from the beach was silent, he had been way too shaken to say anything and kept glancing at the red thread emerging from his finger. His soulmate link, something he had searched for ever but it only came when he wanted it to disappear.

Through the long journey, you had made up your mind. That you weren't his soulmate, no matter how either of you felt. And you wouldn't be the one to hold him back.

'What is there to talk?' You asked bitterly, feeling his hand turning you to face him.

'Why have you been avoiding me? Di-did that kiss mean nothing?' Jay's voice broke.

'It meant everything to me-' '- then why?! Are you scared of this?' He pointed at his finger. 'You know I have tried everything to make it go. I have searched online to see what to do with it but I just can't find anything! That's how much I want to be with you, Y/N', he said, desperation seeping into his voice.

'But Jay, we aren't meant to be. I don't want to take you from someone who really deserves you. Don't you see, it will-' You took a deep breath, controlling the tears welling in your eyes. 'It will hurt us both.'

He took your hand, pulling your chin to face his eyes, 'We'll make it work, love. I cannot let a stupid thread decide who I love. Please.'

His please quite literally broke you from the inside and you couldn't help but let one drop of tear roll past your cheek. No one said how hard it could be to fall for the wrong boy. The boy whose line of fate didn't collide with yours.

No one said that letting him go, for both of your happiness would be one the hardest things ever. And maybe because you loved him, you uttered the next few words, 'No. I will not live my life as a regret, thinking I stole you from someone. I have to let go, Jay. You should too.' You pried your hands out of his as Jay's face contorted in sadness, his eyes flickering, unable to hold back his tears.

You couldn't see him cry but mostly you knew you should just withdraw yourself to not cause him anymore pain. You turned around wiping your face and walking away. Away from the one you loved, away from a future you could have had.

･˳ . ⋆ twenty forever

You knew what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to accompany Gaeul to the college reunion party. It had almost been over six years since you had seen your classmates.

Since you had seen... him.

It wasn't like you didn't wanna go, heck, you had missed those friends from the days of college too but you knew he would be there and with him would come back all the memories and love you had tried so hard to suppress. They would overflow, creating a new wound or maybe opening the old one.

And he stands before you, a glass in his hands, giving you a small, almost sad smile. He looks different and yet so same to the Jay you had fallen for.

You remember laughing at his jokes, bickering with him over the stupidest nerdiest topics ever, holding his hand as you both ran in the dark. It all flashes like some film montage. But mostly you remember the night when you met him.

A night which was similar to todays. The night you found him drunk in the backyard. You wonder what would have happened if you hadn't gone to the party, if you hadn't made your way to him.

You'd be a way different person than you were today.

If you try hard enough, you feel like you'll get transported to your memories, where you are still twenty.

His voice comes out soft and tender, 'Thank you, Y/N. Thank you for teaching me how to love and-' He stops, hesitating or rather contemplating whether to say what comes next, 'Thank you for-' '- for being my first love, Jay.'

･˳ . ⋆ In the season when the wind blows and flowers fall, it still seems as if I'm holding your hand...

If you have made it through this mess, drop down a feedback as it really helps! ily and i hope you have a great day/night ^^!!

work belongs to @/luvistqrzzz do not, repost or translate my work.

[topsyturvy-turtely]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for tagging me @gregorovitchworld! 💚

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

13 🙃

2. what's your current ao3 word count?

73.611 (not that bad i guess but i wish it was more)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

only bbc sherlock for now but i am thinking of writing for good omens too :)

4. top five fics by kudos?

-> Rosie's Elephant in the Room

-> Human Urges

-> JOHNLOCKed in a Closet

-> Let Me Fix You

-> Halloween

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes! i respond to every single one (unless it is only an emoji... but even then i do it most of the time)

why? because i fucking LOVE connecting with my readers! and i wanna make them keep commenting on fics. because comments are so fucking important!!! they are what keep us writers going!

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

aaah probably Missing (but that will be happy again!)

so in the end it is THE LONELIEST

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

JOHNLOCKed in a Closet, i'd say

8. do you receive hate?

thank goodness i don't!

9. do you write smut?

nope. i write some subtle sex scenes, but never long ones or intensely described. i just don't feel comfortable with it.

10. do you write crossovers?

nope. seems too complicated to me 😂 i don't really read them either so ig i don't have the urge to write them. ooh, wait i wrote a short freebatch/star wars/johnlock kind of crossover once. prompt: "geeking out over something" (day 14 of my otp challenge! that i might have ignored for about a year now... whoopsie)

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

3 times that i know of. novelhd dot com is a bitch. they stole JOHNLOCKed in a Closet (JLiaC), Strawberries and Cigarettes (S&C), and my oneshots on wattpad. it is fucking heartbreaking and really made me lose some trust in humanity as well as my motivation to write for a long time... DO NOT STEAL FICS!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no, because i don't feel comfortable with it. probably because of the shit that happened to me described above.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, but i would be up for the challenge:)

14. what is your all-time favorite ship?

the answer is obviously johnlock lol.

15. a wip you doubt you will ever finish?

all my wips. no idk. i've got lot of wips and i will never completely give up on them. maybe just forget them, haha.

16. writing strengths?

writing about feelings, dialogue, inner monologues, two-person interactions

17. writing weaknesses?

well, smut lol. writing long intense plots (i am a fluff writer xD) - but i hope to get better at it. i have big hopes for Missing.

18. will you write a dialogue in another language?

never say never! but only after i have checked up with someone who speaks/knows said language well!

19. what was your first fandom?

*sigh* bbc sherlock, my babes. ;)

20. what's your favorite fic you have ever written?

first thought of day 9: hugging of my otp challenge. it's an alternative ending to TLD. it's a bunch of big emotions, big words and and big moments. - ghost mary actually is one of the big reasons they finally get together!!!

tagging (if you have already been tagged, feel free to ignore this and/or tag me in the post you already answered those questions): @totallysilvergirl @lisbeth-kk @gaylilsherlock and man who else??? anyone! anyone who wants to join the fun!

[charlotterhea]

I'm thinking about leaving the English Fandom

At least as a writer.

I've just finished posting the translation of one of my longest fics and... Boy, the feedback is depressing. I've planned to start translating the next long thing but I seriously lack any motivation to do so. Yk, translating is exhausting! I already wrote that story once, I went through it several times, and now I am supposed to engage with it yet again only for that sad outcome of verbal engagement I get in return?!

There is a lot I dislike about the German fandom and the way the German archive works, but the comments... the comments!

And currently, ISEM gets translated into Russian and I sometimes take a look at those comments as well and honestly, almost every poorly translated Russian comment excites me more than the majority of the English ones I get.

Why the heck is that? What is wrong with you English folk that you are so notoriously unable to write some decent comments nowadays? I know this has been different! There were authors writing oneshots for the writer of every 1000. comment they got on a story! 1000!!! I didn't even reach 600 for a 70-chapter-long story! WTF?!

I know, I know, I sound very ungrateful right now, but I'm done with being humble and grateful for a bunch of emojis that get thrown my way. I sit at my desk for hours and hours on end, pour my heart onto empty pages, and bring characters and bad-ass-long plots to life - resulting in stories longer than a couple of the HP books combined! -, and a considerable part of what I get in return is some emojis and a generic thank you?! No! I refuse to be grateful for that any longer! There are enough sympathetic posts around trying to encourage readers to at least leave an emoji or a key smash as a comment and yet I have this story that got over 1300 kudos and has more than 500 subscribers and not even the last fucking chapter, not even the finale gets me more than ten comments!

'Oh, but maybe there will be more soon!' you might say but I assure you: No. Most likely there won't because y'all started treating AO3 like fucking Instagram and the likelihood of somebody commenting on a story older than three of four days is LOW! If I don't churn out story after story after chapter after story I just get no feedback at all anymore although I already wrote all that stuff that is right there waiting to be fangirled about!

And the worst thing is: Those old stories are fangirled about! But not in the comments. When did you begin excluding authors? When did you begin seeing us as some bunch of untouchables instead of the dude next door who is just as insane about the same two to ten blorbos as you are? When did you begin to squeal about stories far away from the authors instead of with them in the comments? Y'all are acting like old stories are lava when it comes to comments! The only way I see that old stuff actually still gets read is by the daily kudo mail.

Really, I wish AO3 would turn off kudos. Kudos are such an easy way out of commenting, and all the 'Let me give kudos for each chapter!' posts are a testament to that. Honestly? No! You don't deserve to give kudos for every chapter. You don't deserve to feel like you've sufficiently done your duty by pressing a fucking button! You deserve to be ashamed of reading amazingly crafted stories for fucking free and not even having the decency to cobble some lousy sentences together when you're done consuming!

Oh, you are shy? Well, Brenda, guess what! I was shy about posting that story as well and yet I did so you had a good time after work! Suck it up! Nobody knows who you are anyway! Fuck, log out and write a guest comment if you really have to!

You don't have time? Well, you bloody well did have time to read the 6k+ words I churned out, so stop whinging about the five minutes it takes to write three sentences of gratitude!

You don't know what to say? Honey, you just read 6k+ words and there is not a single thing on your mind to say about it?! There was not a single line you could copy and say something like 'I laughed out loud at that!' or 'You had me in tears about this!' or 'I couldn't believe he fucking said that!'? Then why are you even reading the story?!

Stop those lame excuses and start commenting on fics! Start showing some fucking gratitude for the work writers do just for you to consume it like a bloody Netflix series! We don't get a single penny for the hours we spend in front of a screen! We cannot earn money with fanfiction! We cannot open commissions to get our rent paid! All we get are comments and most of them are a fucking shame considering the amount of work they are supposed to show appreciation for!

So, if in 2024 you still silently consume stories or keep chicken out of writing a couple of cohesive sentences by throwing some heart emojis in the writer's vague direction you deserve to be robbed of the kudos button and to be ashamed of yourself because you're actively supporting the death of fandoms and with that one of the few free sources of joy we still have. One of the few spaces no corporation uses to squeeze some money or data out of us and I cannot believe that this still has to be spelled out. Fandom is a group project and nobody likes the idiots sitting by, contributing nothing, and still getting all of the benefits.

Phew. I needed to get that out of the system. And now I'll go and contemplate translating another story. But after posting this I probably won't get comments anymore anyway because it's always the wrong people who feel addressed by shit like this.

Well, whatever...

[grubus]

Are you ever worried that you’ll eventually lose motivation and momentum to keep writing for SyoNR? I often am unable to finish any fics so I mostly prefer to stick to one shots or 2-4 chapters.

Up until SYoNR, I managed mostly drabbles, oneshots or, if I tried to write multichapter, I lost inspiration for it about 2-3 chapters in.

So yeah, I'm worried! However, the feeling when I write SYoNR is very different. I'm not writing because I'm inspired, but because I'm invested. I am thinking about what I would like to see next, or how to fill up the space before I get to a scene I've looked forward to writing (or have already written)

I also just think it's habit now. The other fics I dropped the moment I didn't feel like it; there are days I don't feel like writing at all, and sometimes I truly don't write at all. But I've gotten into the habit to at least try. I think that's probably the most important part- to just make it a bit of a routine. And also, and I know I keep saying this, to write for yourself rather than what you hope to get from others.

I stopped updating once a week because I started to feel too stressed about it. Two weeks right now is perfect; but one day, maybe I'll go down to 3 weeks because I want to write more than only SYoNR. Well, technically I am writing on more than SYoNR already, but maybe in the future I want to actually put focus on more fics than that. The main reason it's two weeks right now is not because I'm stressed about pleasing others, it's more that I just enjoy the deadline. It's fun to have a goal to achieve!

Point is, as long as I'm doing it for me, and adjust how I do things according to how I feel, then I don't think I'll ever get tired. It also helps that I am like 80% certain of how I will end the fic, plus I have several scenes already written/planned out and I have to keep writing to show those off to others.

I mean, SY's backstory was one of the first things I wrote for the story. I was extremely hyped about the shapeshifting demon, I was excited to write Binghe realizing he's in love, I was SOOOO happy to finally get to the demon invasion. There are so many other twists and turns I'm so excited to get to as well.

Also I am just better at managing chapters now. I have notes, I write up a little summary of each chapter for myself to follow etc.

This got away from me.

Point is, yes, I worry sometimes.

But right now I'm having fun, so it's fine <3

[bonecarversbestie]

I'm doing this tag bc i've never done one before. thx @zenkindoflove for always tagging me in these even tho i never do them pls don't stop.

Doing this tag feels a little funny since i'm so new to writing and i only have 2 fics, but here we go

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 23,375

3. What fandoms do you write for? ACOTAR

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  whelp this is awkward bc i only have two 😅

The Scenic Route(Elucien multichapter WIP)

Reverie(Elucien week oneshot)

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes! I literally sit by my computer after i post waiting for them to come in bc i love attention.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? N/A. All my angst is in the beginning/middle. my endings are all happy so far.

(Although, I do have a bullet point in my fic ideas file that is a Haunting of Hill House rewrite but Autumn Court/Forest house, and if you've ever read the book, you know that calling the ending "angsty" would be an understatement)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? So Reverie is very short and is sorta set after Elucien have already had their happy ending(in more ways than one ;) The ending of the Scenic Route is also happy and it took way more work to get there, so I'd say that one.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I'm like the writing equivalent of a toddler right now--I'm still learning to write regular stuff haha. I want to write smut one day, but need to take my baby steps to get there. Even when i do, though i think it will not be as explicitly descriptive of the acts themselves, but more emotionally driven (I really like the style of the sex scenes in Song of Achilles if that gives you the vibe)

9. Do you write crossovers? I don't think i'm creative enough for that tbh

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. maybe one day.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have not. I don't even know how that would work esp bc i am a control freak, but i'll never say never.

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? I have a handful of OTPs the primary one right now is obviously Elucien, but I have a special place in my heart for The Doctor and River Song(Doctor Who) and Dramione(who i never really shipped when reading the books, but this was the ship that got me into fanfiction and now i'm addicted)

13. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? So my Current WIP is already completely drafted, i just have to edit and post it, so i'm not worried. I do have an outline of a really long High King Lucien fic started that i worry i won't finish before their book comes out (and that once their book comes out i won't be motivated to write it any more, but we'll see)

14. What are your writing strengths? This is hard because i'm so new to writing, i feel like i don't have any strengths yet, but I'm gonna say dialogue, because it's what i enjoy writing the most. most of my first drafts are very dialogue driven and i fill in the story around the conversations

15. What are your writing weaknesses?  Internal monologues/explaining characters emotions. I tend to leave out details/explanations of a character's feelings because I know what they're feeling and i just expect the reader to inherently know everything that I know even though it's impossible.

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I love when people do this, but my spanish and french are both so rusty i don't feel confident enough to try. Maybe some latin in future works for spells and stuff, but in terms of dialogue, probably not.

17. First fandom you wrote for? Acotar! I only just started writing in June of this year, so i haven't had the chance to write for other fandoms yet, but i'd like to eventually.

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? The Scenic Route! i mean i only have two to choose from--and i have a soft spot for Reverie since it was the first fic i ever posted--but I've put a lot of time and love into The Scenic Route, and I'm excited to finish sharing it. ❤️

~*~

I'm not tagging anyone bc i don't know anyone(who wasn't already tagged). 😬

[johnslittlespoon]

HI I'M ALIVE i swear this is a pattern at this point, i post a new fic/chapter and disappear for a phat day (or two) lmaoo i literally get The Fear and i have to avoid notifs/comments for a bit <33

that being said, wept reading the comments on TAS, i'm so so thankful y'all are vibing with it because i was NERVOUS about posting my first ever modern au and i wanted to make sure it still felt true to the characters but everyone's been so unbelievably kind i'm so wahhahhhh :')) i appreciate the sweet words SO so much, it's so reassuring and so motivating <33

so motivating actually that i'm already halfway done ch2... whoops? litch rally buzzing with how excited i am to write, i don't think i've ever experienced this which sounds strange but like. okay hold i can already tell i'm gonna go on a tangent so let me cut myself off with a read more lmaoo

idk, does anyone else ever sometimes feel like even though obviously we all write fic for enjoyment because we do it for free, sometimes it feels like a chore? not in the sense that i feel obligated to write, but just that even though i feel passionately about what i want to write, it's just hard to get my brain into gear (adhd aside) even when i really want to. i'm just thinking out loudddd now but my concerta just kicked in so it's inevitable LOL word vomit and thought processing is apparently a necessary part of my writing process smh

writing yad(iym) has honestly been so helpful with this because one of the biggest things that i struggle with when writing is that i have a super vivid imagination and can picture exactly what i want to portray/convey, but sometimes i don't know how to get there, but with the dog coded fic i have the timeline of the actual show to follow, so it takes a lot of pressure off in that sense! it's sorta like filling in the gaps because i have something base level to work with.

but 99% of the time when writing, i don't have that, so i end up avoiding my docs often because i feel stuck in terms of progressing the storyline, and my writing process drags on so longgg. i'm finding too now that i'm writing my first (and second oops) actual long fic that oneshots are actually more difficult for me to finish for some reason despite most of mine being shorter than a singular chapter in my fics, which is funny because i was so terrified of commitment starting a chaptered fic but i've ended up being more consistent.

anyway point is, i adore writing yad(iym) and it's been the most fun experience i've had fic writing, but now that i've sorted out the world building aspects for tough and sweet, everything is just flowing and instead of having to sit myself down at my desk and kinda just force myself into the zone, i cannot drag myself out of my docs?? and i've never had that happen but i'm definitely trying to take advantage of it while it lasts and get as much written as possible!

i think it also helps that it's so lighthearted compared to the angst of yadiym (tho i've got some angst planned for tas too lol sry) so i don't have to think as much about the weight behind certain dialogue, or carefully plan out the progression of the relationship dynamic the way the time period/setting of yadiym requires. it's a nice breather from the constraints of the mota–verse (as much as it's still my favourite thing to read/write with these boys), but i also enjoy getting to sink back into that doc when i want something deeper than the little biker boys.

i'm still very much working away on yadiym tho to be clear!! i was scared to start tas before i finished it in case i hyperfixated on tas and my updates got slow on yadiym, but it's genuinely helped me find a balance because i'm always working on one if i'm not working on the other <3 i'm about half done ch6 too for yadiym (how many times can i type that in one post jfc), i'm just at an internal emotions heavy part which i Hate. writing lmaooo give me dialogue or smut and i can type away for hrs but introspection?? internal conflict? hell

ok that's all my fic related rambling thank uuuu/apologies if u sat thru all of that LOL lmk if your writing process/mindset is similar or not bc i'm always curious about how other people's brains work with this stuff!! also how does one get over feeling obnoxious about rambling on their own acc like. this is my acc. i could post 100 times a day if i wanted. i need to Relax good god

[kivaember]

okay it's time for some apv drabbles.... with thumper!!!! thinking about it i am gonna do drabbles and whatnot set during apv time that offer up alt povs or scenes :)

so this oneshot is set sometime around chapter 14 and follows thumper and vinegar!

enjoy!

-

The Warren's bar was busy that night, the mood buoyant in a way that Thumper couldn't remember it being for a long time now. The people on bar duty that night had even cracked open one of the casks that contained authentic Rubiconian ale, salvaged from one of the few underground storage cellars in some nearby town or other. Or, remnants of a town, she should say.

Thumper didn't begrudge the their joy, though. The haul that had been brought back contained so many vital things they had desperately needed: medicine, food, basic equipment and supplies... of course, it'd take a few days for all of that to go to where it was needed, after being aggressively audited and marked down, but the Liberation Front was hungry for uncomplicated victories. It made sense to celebrate this stroke of fortune.

The woman of the hour was, of course, Ziyi, who was regalling a throng of eager young recruits about how they had "taken those corporate dogs by surprise and smashed them to bits!" Ziyi was a boisterous storyteller, and her energy made it easy to get caught up in the moment - and, tellingly, she didn't embellish overly much, either. She weighted the credit accordingly towards Rokumonsen and Rusty, who had done the lion's share of offensive combat.

Speaking of Rokumonsen, Thumper had only just finished dealing with before slithering her exhausted body here. The doc had taken care of him technically - a sharp-tongued military doctor that had been enlisted in Rubicon's militia back when Uncle had been born - but Thumper had dotted the i's and crossed the t's when it came to annotating the medical equipment used and confirming that yup, Rokumonsen sure was concussed and nursing one hell of a bruised ribcage.

He was actually talking like a normal human being, with not a single haiku uttered the whole time in the infirmary. Guy's brains were definitely scrambled.

But it left Thumper in a bit of a grumpy and exhausted mood, and the only reason she was here was because she wanted a slice of that rare Rubiconian ale pie, damn it. She got her cup of it and lurked in the fringes of the party, half-watching Ziyi hold court and half-brooding over the other problem she was finding herself feeling responsible for, even if it technically wasn't:

Raven.

You know, there were so many stories about that guy. Both bad and good, but everyone agreed that he was a neutral party in all of this, really. Raven was a creature they all somewhat understood the motivations of, and thus could manipulate if their coin purses were deep enough, and as a Gen Four, everyone assumed him to be some grizzled old vet that'd make Uncle look like a fresh-faced young man, bursting with deadly experience and jaded to hell.

A whole mythos had been built around him, whispers of "I heard Raven destroyed ten corporate MTs with only five bullets" or "I heard he took on all of the Redguns and the Vespers at once without taking a single hit" or "I heard even V.I Freud checks under his bed for Raven!"

All nonsense, of course. Yet, Thumper had kind of bought into it, anyways. Like, obviously he wasn't backflipping across the battlefield in that AC of his and karate-chopping corporate dogs in half like some of the recruits gushed about, but he was obviously good. Terribly skilled, and terribly neutral, a literal force of nature that just meandered across the horizon, running roughshod over anyone stupid enough to stand in his way. In the mental picture Thumper had unconsciously built up of him, she thought he'd be bigger than life, confident in a quiet and stoic sort of way, and grizzled. Very grizzled. Incredibly grizzled, like some stereotypical gunslinging merc from Tau Ceti.

Instead, Raven was small and slight - Thumper was certain she had twice his muscle mass - and so pathetically and tragically vulnerable looking. His eyes were always just shy of too wide, almost vacant looking with how they simply looked through things, fixed on corners, on the floor, always lowered, never looking someone in the eyes - a kicked dog, she couldn't help but think. A dog that's been kicked and kicked and kicked until it was perpetually cowering, tail tucked in, ribs sticking out, quivering in place and unable to comprehend a kind hand extended out to it.

It made her uneasy in a way she couldn't really pin down. Raven was a broken man, and now the Liberation Front was holding his leash. She knew he'd obey Uncle. He'd probably obey him as unfailingly as he obeyed that handler of his - and it- she didn't really like it. It stuck in her throat something fierce. But she couldn't put into exact words what about it made her skin crawl.

"Thoughts?"

"Huh?" Thumper jolted at the unexpected voice, nearly sloshing her drink, and turned irritably to see- "Vinegar? The hell're ya doin' 'ere?"

"Celebrating," Vinegar murmured. Much like Raven, Vinegar was a slight and slender, but unlike Raven they looked less like some half-starved waif that had been locked up in an attic for ten years and more like a very well-toned gymnast, with buzzcut short hair and heavy-lidded eyes that made them look perpetually sleepy.

"Oh yeah? Celebratin', huh? Looks like yer jus' skulkin' in the shadows and creepin' up on innocent young girls like me," Thumper scoffed, but let it slide. "Well, m'not thinkin' much. Just some dumb shit."

"It's never dumb shit with you."

Thumper blew out a breath. Her and Vinegar went way back - came from the same settlement, waaaay down south of the ice fields, though they had gone into vastly different professions. Vinegar, for all of their soft-spoken and unhurried nature, really loved their big fuck off cannon MTs and blowing shit up, while Thumper liked sticking people back together and having an organised pantry. Still, they stayed close despite their diverging career paths, and Vinegar had functioned as a sympathetic ear on more than one occasion.

"Well, eh... it's about Raven." Thumper pulled a face. "I mean, when's it not, right? Guy's been hauntin' our convos since he blew up half our guys on the Wall..."

Vinegar said nothing, but their silence had a sort of expectant air to it. Thumper took the hint.

"'Ave you seen 'im? Weighs forty kilos soakin' wet and has arms like spaghetti noodles." Thumper waved her wrist in Vinegar's face pointedly. "My wrists're thicker than his biceps! How fucked is that?"

"..."

"Yeah, and- and like, I spent some time with 'im, at Uncle's request, and it was like dealin' with some kinda small animal sufferin' from neurosis. Twitches like crazy and tense as hell! He's just... so..."

Thumper made a helpless gesture, trying to think of the appropriate word to describe the wide-eyed, helpless wet cat that was also Rubicon's most notorious mercenary. "So pathetic."

"He's a Gen Four," Vinegar said, like that explained everything.

"So? That other Gen Four's a fuckin' asshole and ain't afraid to make everyone aware of it!" Thumper huffed. "Fuckin' Iguana prick. Raven's sweet-tempered compared to 'im."

"I mean, Gen Fours aren't considered human. Legally."

"So?"

"So..." Vinegar cut themself off with a sigh, a hint of disaste crossing their face. They hated talking long sentences. "Um, well. Raven's handler has a reputation. His Hounds... they're literally hounds. They're his- not pets, but, like what an attack dog would fill, legally. That. Raven was probably that."

Thumper grimaced. She understood what Vinegar was saying, but at the same time... she really didn't. Because acknowledging, well, that, would mean that Raven didn't sit in the comfortable lines of "hyena come to pillage Rubicon". It meant he would sit in a far more grey-area of "slave soldier sent to die for his bastard master's self-interests". Not blameless in his actions at all but... mitigating factors, at least.

And, since majority of Gen Fours were Rubiconians... there was always the possibility that Raven was, well... coming home, in a way...

Slowly, she started to understand what it was that made her so unnerved about Raven. It wasn't just how reality hadn't matched up to heavily embellished rumours, or Raven's worrying lack of agency, it was that this whole thing wasn't really different to how those hyenas acted: stealing augmented humans as assets to be deployed for their interests, press-ganging what was essentially a slave soldier into service...

It was necessary, she knew that. Raven was too valuable of a piece to not make use of when his leash fell handily into the Liberation Front's hand, but at the same time... it made her feel greasy, doing something those corporations would've done without blinking an eye. Even the reassurance that they were at least treating Raven nicely just felt like a hollow excuse.

"M'not sure I like thinkin' of him as some literal dog we've rescued out of the gutter," Thumper muttered, and took a sip of her drink. "But the comparison fits, huh."

"I think it's okay to do something bad if it's to do something good later," Vinegar said. They were never eloquent, but sometimes simplicity is the way to go, Thumper thought wryly. "Uncle will use Raven, but he'll try to assimilate him too, be kind to him and, um, include him."

"Uncle's all, like, ten layers deep in some 4D chess bullshit, though." Thumper could never make heads or tails of Uncle's various parallel schemes. Guy would make ordering breakfast convoluted if given the chance. "Probably has ten million plans all hingin' on Raven or summin'."

"In the end, he's a hyena," Vinegar pointed out. "You shouldn't really care too much."

"Ziyi was a hyena once." Thumper's gaze drifted over to her. Ziyi was laughing amongst her fellows, her cheeks flushed from alcohol and her expression bright. "Now she's the little sister of the Warrens."

"But she was a baby when she came."

"Rokumonsen too," Thumper continued. "He's a freak, but he's our freak, y'know? And a bunch of others from off planet... him bein' a hyena ain't a problem."

She paused thoughtfully.

"Anyway, he might be Rubiconian, y'know." Thumper downed the rest of her drink and coughed. "Like ya said, he's Gen Four, ain't he? Probably was augmented by the Institute back in the day."

"...maybe."

Vinegar seemed disquieted at the thought. It prompted Thumper to continue.

"And, hyena or not, he didn't come 'ere by choice. He ain't legally human, ya said. He's just some attack dog that probs can't even take a piss without his master tellin' 'im too. I dunno. I guess it's hard to put 'im in the same box as all the independent mercs and corpo-fucks that come 'ere, ya know?"

"Yeah." Vinegar nodded slowly. "It's kind of a grey area."

"It's Uncle's problem, I suppose," Thumper mumbled, even though her mind was furiously thinking of ways to "humanely" integrate Raven into the Liberation Front. Can't just plonk him in a strange organisation and tell him to be a human being when he probably spent god knows how many decades crawling around like a dog. She just kept thinking about how he hadn't moved an inch when she told him to stay put. Who the hell did that?

Bastard might starve because no one told him to go eat if they're not careful about it. Or something equally pathetic and deranged. Thumper rubbed her forehead. Aurgh, this was why she became a medic, wasn't it? She cared too much about idiots whose pains and misfortune was mostly their own damn fault...

"I'll figure summin' out," she decided. "Probs take me a few days but... fuck, we ain't the corpos. We're not press-gangin' some slave soldier into service like those hyenas do. We'll integrate 'im like we did Rokumonsen. We'll integrate 'im so hard he'll be singin' the Rubiconian national anthem by month's end!"

"You make it sound like you're going to put him through re-education."

"You wash yer damn mouth," Thumper harrumphed. "Re-education. Pah! I'm gonna use my charms. My... guile, you can say. Provided that dumbass Rusty doesn't ruin it... fucker keeps pantin' over Raven like some bitch in heat. S'embarrassin'."

Vinegar nodded solemnly. By this point Rusty's crush on Raven was something of a joke, except not really.

"Yer helpin' me," Thumper said. "Operation, er... fuck, um. Raven- Raven Tamin'!"

"Lame."

"Shaddup, ya condiment." Thumper sniffed. "Anyway, let's go."

"...? To where?"

"My room! We're gonna scheme!"

"But, my celebration..."

"C'mon, Vinegar!"

"..."

[dipplinduo]

How long does it typically take you to work on a chapter of your fanfiction? In terms of drafting, getting feedback, and all of that.

Omg stop I love this question???

I'mma be real with you chief, the process is very chaotic & fell into place like this overtime organically. I've enjoyed writing prior to this, but more so of journaling and poetry. The work I post now is my first time legit trying to write storytelling, and it's all been a trial by fire kind of experience. But basically:

I've gotten into the habit of making vague outlines for chapters (or even oneshots) a few days before I sit down and actually write something. They're not really meant to be detailed at all; they're just meant to be trigger phrases that keep me on track with the events I aim to have unfold. Here's an example of what this looks like with Chapter 5 of S&S D (The Power Outage & Storm):

The outlines themselves are also very subject to change; I use them as references but often add in extra detail/scenes or remove/rearrange scenes as I'm writing. With this outline you can immediately see...

Juliana texting Drayton became Kieran snapping the cave selfie. I thought this change would be much better commentary on Kieran's unearthing feelings, as he made the active decision to take the selfie on his own. It was also a good way for Drayton to remain aware of their developing relationship (which was a secondary motive of mine given the brotherly role he eventually adopts), and it became a plot point I could refer back to later when Kieran discovers that Juliana might actually have feelings for him given what she does with the picture.

I was originally envisioning something more romantic with a shared Ribombee sighting. I changed this for a few reasons: 1) Having this scene as is would've verified that Ribombee wasn't a figment of Kieran's imagination 2) I had developed Ribombee's backstory and connection to Kieran by this point, and felt that creating a connection to Juliana this early on would diminish the storytelling with that. 3) Having Kieran see Ribombee as a more "pleasant" experience in this moment was symbolic to his healing in itself, and the extra detail of making Ribombee be a bit of a gatherer who is watching over them adds to the mystical/fairy godmother-like characterization I wanted to depict with her.

As for the actual writing itself?

This is a bit of a personality thing with me, but I am extremely bad at breaking tasks up into digestible bits. I'm more of a "I want to sit down and do all of this in one sitting no matter how long it takes me" kind of person. So 99.99% of the time I'm posting something - whether a singular chapter, a oneshot, or even a double update? It's all written in one sitting when I have a free day. I also have perfectionistic tendencies at times, so I tend to be a slow writer. Rather than write a rough draft to go back to and revise later, I hover over sentences or phrases and I will write/rewrite them when I feel stuck. I refuse to move on otherwise because leaving things unfinished apparently bothers me. So the amount of time it takes me can range but it's pretty much an all day endeavor, LOL.

The pros to this method is that I can zero in and maintain a continuous, uninterrupted flow after having an idea simmer for enough time. But as you can imagine, the cons include feeling very drained afterwards and not necessarily having a true revision process. This is why I make jokes about correcting typos immediately after publishing, lol. As much as I rather not have them there and appreciate when people (kindly) point them out, I think it's also important for me to be able to be imperfect to challenge said perfectionistic tendencies. So the proofreading drawback is actually deliberate, but it's more so for my personal development than for the writing! :P

As for the feedback?

Because of the spontaneity and intensity of my writing style, as well as my eagerness to publish after I finish something, I choose not to use betas. Instead, I actually like to do something I kind of refer to as "consulting" from time-to-time, lol? I essentially will tell a trusted person an idea I am not fully confident about or am having trouble with flushing out, and then I bounce back and forth with them. More often than not being able to verbalize my idea usually just helps me in itself.

The other core component of feedback is actually you guys. I always try to keep the reader experience in mind, and gauging your reactions helps inform me on where I wanna go next. For example...? >:)

No one (to my knowledge) has guessed the big moment that's approaching in Sweet & Sour. I kindaaaa want it to be a possible theory right before the reveal. And since we're getting much closer to it, I'm switching up my hints so they're going from more vague and gradual (beginning of story to recently) -> double entendres (last few chapters) -> more in your face (where we're going). I'm actually super excited but also very terrified for the execution of this shift LOL.

But really, even for cuter moments or smaller things or whatever? You guys are constantly inspiring and encouraging me, and your reactions and theories and fanarts and everrrythingggg all helps me tell a better story, so thank you. I do enjoy working with some of your ideas when you give me permission, and I do put in deliberate nods in fics to some of the things you are all saying/doing to express gratitude and respect back to you. I really want you to know that I am listening and I am so grateful for all of your engagement, so thank you for making my storytelling better. <3

So in sum the writing process for me is essentially:

Think about ideas in the back of my head for a few days

Create an outline a few days later, continue thinking in the back of my head

(If necessary): Consult about weak points that are making me feel stuck

Sit down and write when I have a free day and go ham. (Note: Picking out music to listen to also super helps with channeling the vibe of the writing piece.)

Publish

Wait for reactions and gauge where I wanna go from there

Maintain blog/respond to reactions during the gap; tease aspects of the fic & generate hype (mutual benefit - y'all can get excited and I can get motivated)

Repeat

If you're looking to write yourself, I would honestly tell you to do as I say and not as I do. I'm an extremely stubborn person when it comes to my personal expression (lol) and I honestly wouldn't want people to deal with the exhaustion afterwards, tbh. I'd suggest creating an outline, pacing yourself appropriately, and taking breaks as you write. Revising/proofreading before publishing would probably make your work a lot stronger, but if you're too impatient like me I see you and I feel you and we ride at dawn together LOOOLLL

This was a super fun question, I hope this answers it well enough! :)

[whereonceiwasfire]

Landing Zone

Figured it was about time I finally did one of these, so hey, hi, hello, I'm Rees (a.k.a. WhereOnceIWasFire). You can find some general info about me, and a masterlist of fics in this post!

GENERAL

Any pronouns

I write fic (masterlist below the cut)

My brain has been chemically altered by: Danny Phantom and DBZ (though I typically keep Dragonball posts to my sideblog)

My DMs/inbox are open! Send me things, I'm friendly, I swear!

I'm always open to prompt requests (though I don't do crossovers). Feel free to leave me something in my ask box, and I'll get to it when I have a chance/if it sparks an idea!

FICS

(tags can be found on ao3)

Finished Fics:

Overshadowed - Long ass (140K) College AU, No One Knows, heavy angst, mystery w/ horror elements, mostly happy ending, but I also left it a bit open/ambiguous. I MIGHT write a sequel one day. Everything's Fine (And the Boss is Totally Not a Cryptid) - Outsider POV, intern gets hired at Vlad Co., shenanigans ensue. Oh so many Dracula references. H(a)unted - Weird, angsty little Ghost Hunter Danny AU. Separate Danny and Phantom. ALT ending. I have some ideas percolating to continue off the alternate ending. The Hazards of Being Hot High AF - Shippy Popular Psychology (Jazz/Dash) oneshot I found in my fics folder. Jazz visits Dash in the hospital after a football injury. Elementary, My Dear Fenton - Ecto-Implosion fic. A goofy comedy-mystery where Danny and the trio try to track down who left an anonymous gift in his locker. They get WAY too into it.

WIPs:

Not So Bitter Reunions - AU, canon divergence, badger cereal. The college reunion goes decidedly less off the rails than in canon, leading to some nefarious consequences. I'm just kind of vibing with this one. High School's a Beach - **AGIT SPOILERS** Dan's in high school. This one is so very unserious, but I think I've got a few more chapters left in me. Needs Must (When the Devil Drives) - Canon divergence. AU. Vlad and Harriet reconnect at the college reunion, but since Vlad's technically an evil spirit, he's adversely impacted by things like salt, windchimes, running water, etc. Bad News (Vlad/Harriet) shipfic. I just...I think they're neat. Bearer of Bad News - Post Phantom Planet (not AGIT compliant). Bad News fic because I have an illness and these two live in my head rent free. The GIW enlist Harriet's help in preventing Ghost King Danny from destroying the earth.

Drabbles/Ficlets:

DannyMay 2022 - I don't remember any of these being particularly good, but they do exist. I very much did not last the entire month. Drabble Dump from Tumblr asks - this is just what it sounds like. Though, in general, I'll probably start trying to post oneshots and/or collect the separate, individual Tumblr ask ficlets on this post now instead of just clumping them in a drabble dump on ao3. Monsters Don't Exist - horror vibes. AU. Vlad didn't peace out after the accident and he's keeping his enemies (Maddie and Jack) close. Jazz suspects their babysitter, Uncle Vlad, is more dangerous than everyone else in the family seems to think. Cheese Melt ficlet - Outsider POV. Dani has a parent-teacher interview. Cheese Melt ficlet #2 - Dani doesn't like the toy she got at Nasty Burger. Vlad gets her a new one. Badger cereal ficlet - No one knows AU. Danny works as a cashier and Vlad accidentally outs his supervillain indetity by infodumping to him when Danny makes idle customer-servicey smalltalk.

Unwritten/Unposted:

I'm not going to list out all my filenames and ideas, don't worry lol. But I do have a couple (*cough* couple hundred *cough*) ideas percolating or half written in my fics folder, so that is a thing. I want to jump on WIP Wednesday and such, but like. IDK. Feel free to ask/harass me about my unposted WIPs too, I am motivated by peer pressure.

[lovelyfirebouquet]

Was going through my files and remembered that during my college semester I’d have executive dysfunction and just... write little oneshot moments with Sunny Day Jack to force me to actually get my work done. It worked! For anyone starved for SDJ content (like I often am) or just curious, I’ll post ‘em here for your viewing pleasure. Maybe they can help you get some work done too. "What's wrong, Sunshine?" Jack asked, tilting his head cutely. "Nothing." I sighed, glancing blankly at my computer screen in front of me, watching the cursor blink and out of existence, unmoving. "I just can't focus." I stretch quietly, releasing a sharp exhale as I hear the crackle of my spine. "Focus, huh?" He sits up, walking up behind me to wrap his arms around my shoulders. "That's a tough one. Is there anything I can do to help?" He asks, slightly burying his face into my hair. I smiled at the sensation, leaning back into his warm chest. "No, I don't think so. Thank you though." "Of course, Sunshine. Is there anything else I can do?" he asks. I think for a moment, glancing over at my coffee that has long since gone cold. He follows my gaze, chuckling quietly. "Coffee?" I turn back to smile at him, pecking him on the cheek. "Please and thank you." He slowly releases me to grab the mug, still half-full. "No problem. Now you do that paper! I believe in you!" he grins. --- "How's it going Sunshine?" I jolt in surprise, clicking out of Twitter. "I, uh, still haven't started..." I glance over at Jack, noticing his firm expression. "Sunshine. You'll never get your work done if you keep scrolling Twitter." He scolds, placing his fist on his hip like an angry father and setting a fresh mug of coffee on the desk beside me. "I knowww. I just... Ugh. I have so many issues when I try and do schoolwork. I'll take ANY distraction." His gaze softens as he sits on the bed beside me. "Why? Is it a difficult assignment?" "NO!" I cry, exasperated. "It's not even remotely difficult, I know that! I just can't ever make myself do it. I want to draw or clean or watch YouTube and I can never fucking FOCUS like I'm supposed to! I feel so useless." Irritated, I drop my head into my hands, grumbling. I hear Jack chuckle behind me. "It sounds like you just need proper motivation then, right?" I raise my brow at him, lifting my head. "I mean, yeah. I guess. What do you have in mind?" He flashes me sly smile. "Well, if you pay attention enough to get that pesky paper done, how about a movie night?" I perk up, facing him fully. "A movie night?" He laughs at my sudden cheerful tone. "Absolutely! Complete with snacks, drinks, ice cream, and all the cuddles you could ask for." "What movie?" I ask, suddenly feeling rather optimistic. "If you get your paper done on time... how does Quest for Camelot sound? Or Labyrinth?" I gasp, eyes lighting up. He laughs, placing his gloved hand on my head. "Haha, alright. It's settled then! Now, you get that paper done, hm?" "Sir yes sir!" I grin, giving a playful salute. He chuckles and stands up to leave. "Oh, Jack!" "Hm?" "Thank you for the coffee!" I chirp, turning back to my laptop, mug in hand. Maybe I'll be able to get this done after all. --- Pressing the "submit" button, I breathe a sigh of relief and grin, leaning back into my chair. Jack turns his attention away from his book, shutting it softly as he takes in my happy expression. "Finished, Sunshine?" I nod happily, shutting my laptop with a familiar 'thud'. He grins proudly, walking over to swallow me in a hug. "I knew you could do it! I'm proud of you, Sunshine!" I laugh, wiggling in his embrace. "I only did it cause I was promised a movie and snacks!" He hugs me harder, laughing and nuzzling into my cheek. "Maybe, but you still got it done! That means something, right?" I laugh again, hugging him back as best I can. "Alright, MAYBE I did good for once." I admit dramatically. "That's my girl. So, what snacks do you wanna make for our movie tonight?" he asks, carefully setting me back on my feet. I hum, thinking for a moment, before smiling up at him again. "Surprise me!" He raises a brow before letting out a single soft laugh. "Alright. Have you at least decided which movie we're gonna watch?" "Nope!" I chirp, walking over to my dresser to pick out an outfit for the day. "I'll figure it out later." Jack shakes his head before walking over to me, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "What am I gonna do with you?" I stick my tongue out at him like a child, booping his nose. "Love me, feed me, never leave me." He boops my nose back, pulling me into a warm hug. "I think I can manage that."

[mumms-the-word]

💙💜 for the colour asks?

Thanks for the ask!! <3

💙 Blue: What inspires you to finish writing a fanfic, and what makes you quit writing one at any stage in the process?

I am the world’s worst at finishing something, especially if it’s a long-form thing like a book or a longfic like Fathoms or Masquerade is. Honestly, some days I want to just be like “if I quit softly no one will notice right?” But I know that I have at least 1 or 2 readers out there who would be sad and who sometimes ask for updates. If you ask me for an update there is a 95% chance I’ll be motivated (and pressured) to finish something lol

Also, some of the scenes I’m most excited to write in the long fics are the ones at the end. Beginnings are hard but exciting, the climatic endings are my favorite to write, and the middle is a SLOG. I always start to doubt my ability to finish a longfic/long project as soon as I hit the middle. The motivation just takes a nosedive. But I have to get to the fun scenes somehow, you know?

As for shorter fics, like oneshots…I think writing them more or less in one go helps keep up the motivation to finish them. I have several oneshots that I haven’t finished yet because I just don’t feel inspired to return to them or I feel like what I’ve written isn’t good, and the longer I wait to work on them, the less I want to bother with them. Sometimes finding just the right song for the fic’s mood helps, or finding a fanart that is particularly inspiring. Art inspires art!

As for why I tend to quit writing a certain oneshot or project, it depends. Sometimes it’s because the idea just isn’t working that day, or my writing feels forced, or I just have a headache/don’t feel good, or I got stuck on a plot point or scene, or I just feel unmotivated. The problem is, especially for oneshots, if I don’t try to pick it up the next day, it tends to get left behind. I’m trying to get better about returning to old WIPs but…I think some stuff will just be Forever Unfinished

💜 Purple: Name one song you're listening to while writing your next/current fanfic. How or why does it help the writing process?

Oh god how can I pick only one? I listen to video game/movie soundtracks when I write. I can’t listen to anything with words (at least, not in English) because I’ll pay attention to those words instead. I can’t listen to words and write words at the same time.

That said, one song I keep coming back to recently is The Journey from the Atlantis movie soundtrack. It may or may not have anything to do with Friday’s update in Fathoms 👀

But in general I listen to music to sink into a kind of mood or vibe for the scene. A sad scene needs sad music, a fight scene needs epic battle music, a cozy scene needs cozy music. That sort of thing. And if all else fails, chill video game music covers all my bases, because theoretically speaking it’s designed to fade in the background and help your concentration.

Idk I’m just not as big on listening to contemporary music/music with words when I write. Some stuff does inspire scenes, but I can’t listen to those songs WHILE I write.

Also being dismally behind all music trends lately doesn’t help

Anyways thanks for the ask!!

[justtwotired]

Hello!!

Its been awhile how are you??

Have you finished watching the new season for ninjago?! If so what are ur opinions on it??😧

Also are you writing anything new such a oneshots or chapters??

ALSO hope you have a good day or night:D and hope everything goes well for you!!

Omg, hi! I really wanted to react to this sooner but I just forgot, I am so, so sorry!! I’ve been doing fine, though a little stressed because of school at the moment and because I just really want to keep updating my stories but I am losing motivation…

Yes, I did finish watching dragons rising and I love it really! (I do have to say I shed some tears, especially for Kai)

I am currently trying to write a pt 2 for a Cole story I wrote a while ago, I believe I called it ‘a little off’. I am also currently writing a Lloyd one shot from a request I got, it’s a lovers, to enemy’s, to lovers and it’s a long one aswel.

For the remaining I’m just continuing whispers of the night and answering any requests in my inbox. Some might take a while as I need to scrape up the motivation but I’ll get there eventually.

That reminds me that I do have a small Cole series coming up, but whispers of the night has my priority. The Cole series was a requests which contains an oc with not a lot of hatacter writing so I’m still trying to figure that out a little more.

I hope you have a good day or night aswel!! Thank you for checking in<3

[kthecutest]

Progress Loading Pt 3....˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

This will be the last progress update ૮₍•᷄ - •᷅₎ა saurrr after this, i'll be back to answering old requests while waiting for the day to upload this long oneshot. Pls anyone who have any K thoughts - pls dump it all in my dm, i am just so desperate for K thoughts soft or hard idc, give it to meeee (ง'̀-'́)ง

Progress .·:¨¨ ≈☆≈ ¨¨:·.

Good news! I finished the fic just in time for my busy month's arrival. I've finished writing and laying out the entire format of it as well. The celebration fic is now sitting cozily in my draft section until K's birthday arrives.

I'll work on the teaser slowly from now on since the poll i've put out a week ago for the teaser release came out as Yes :)

Teaser release date : 18th October

Full fic release date : 21th October

Word Count :

Spoilers .·:¨¨ ≈☆≈ ¨¨:·.

The title of the fic derived directly from a song / anime ost. Sooo expect me to add in the song link as well in the fic format (Anyone's who's interested in taking in the fic while listening to the song, may enjoy)

The song's lyrics are sneaked in between random paragraphs, each lyric correlating to the paragraphs above them. I coded them in a gradient color too just so nobody would get confused. (Tbh, i didn't plan out the storyline to be based off of the lyrics, but before i uploaded the song, when i checked the lyrics i realised it fits rlly well, so i decided to go with this plan)

Was originally planning to custom-draw something for the headline arts but i found the perfect themed one plus i didn't have much time, so just some simple o'l Pinterest photo for y'all

Happy ending :) dw i ain't trying to make y'all cry and myself

Despite the amount of words, it's not all that huge- it's not a book just take that as a mental note. It's one shot (no series, no more parts) but it's just gonna be rlly long. A lot of general mentions and abrupt ends and starts of paragraphs since my motivation was in roller coaster motion as well as my brain power.

Questions .·:¨¨ ≈☆≈ ¨¨:·.

now let's play a little guessing game~ see if y'all can hit the perfect target.

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔◥ ༝༚༝༚ ◤▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

[zukkaoru]

💕👑✨ IF you're still doing the ask game that is

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

favorite fic overall has to be (i am) the whisper of a memory but for bsd fics specifically, it's probably the body i'm in

👑 Do you like writing short fics or long fics?

i like writing. excessively long oneshots. i'm not very good at long multichapter fics bc i inevitably get distracted/lose motivation partway through but i also am not always great at keeping things short. i think my forte is oneshots that are like. 7k-14k words. i think all of the complete multichapter fics i've posted have been ones that were entirely pre-written before i even posted chapter 1 bc i simply don't trust myself to finish writing otherwise

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

ohhh this is so hard i've gotten so many great ones,, the several comments on (i am) the whisper of a memory telling me it is THE megumi fic ever are ones i treasure deeply. also i can't stop thinking about this one on that fic from the other day (technically a bookmark note rather than a comment but i'm counting it)

it's the "at what cost" for me. not only did i get sick like three days after posting this fic but looking back, 2023 really was just all downhill from here. at what cost indeed.