#only to reveal you were planning to get everyone killed in your suicide attempt all along = trying to kill the person who did all of the

[leatherbookmark]

"i super don't care about izzy but at least i hope him embracing queerness made ed feel safer, so that he won't have to worry about izzy stabbing him in his sleep" no offense. i don't like being mean. but

[xandermatthews2290]

What is up with Eden’s secret?

'Ever since you kissed her, you were afraid your sexuality would ruin your friendships.’

This secret feels very mild compared to many of the secrets of the other cast and we do know for certain that this is her secret

Compare this to literally everybody else’s secret:

Arei’s actively exposes her crimes against her sisters, yes they’re assholes but if this secret got out it’s highly like she’d get arrested

2. Ace has an eating disorder directly relating to his profession, putting his in a category I’m gonna call “deeply personal”

3. Nico’s relates to their gender identity and their history of being bullied by their “family, peers, and everyone else” deep seeded insecurity aired on television

I’m not cherry picking these secrets either

here’s a comprehensive list of all the secrets, credited at the bottom

Arei: ‘You’re a murderer, and you hold no remorse.’ 

Whit: 'You exist to manipulate others. Everyone else exist to be taken advantage of.’ 

Nico: 'Your body is falling apart, but you’ll still refuse to eat.’ 

Charles: 'Ever since you kissed her, you were afraid your sexuality would ruin your friendships.’ 

Arturo: 'You hide your name and birthright to pretend that you aren’t the daughter of Mariabella Rosales.’

Levi: 'Blackmail, rumors, lying, stealing, slander. You did everything you could to ruin your sisters’ lives.’

Xander: 'You always treated the competition with ruthlessness, but poisoning them to win was a bit too far, wasn’t it?’ 

Min: 'You’re constantly blaming yourself for the death of your parents and siblings. It doesn’t matter that it’s not your fault, just that you didn’t go with them.’ 

Rose: 'Your mother is dead. You always omit the truth.’ 

J: 'Your older brother died, but you don’t remember him at all.’ 

Eden: 'Your younger sister killed herself because of you. You should have never left.’ 

Hu: 'You only took on your talent to distract from your incessant need to harm yourself for fun.’ 

Veronika: 'You were quite the hopeless child. Dying once wasn’t enough, so you attempted suicide three times.’ 

Teruko: 'You took on your talent to earn money for your family. But you’ve since put them in a lifetime of debt.’

Ace: 'No one accepted you because of your identity. You were constantly mocked by your family, your peers, and everyone else.’

David: 'How could I even select what secret to be your motive? Just about everything you’ve done in your life is worth killing for. The killing game is all your fault.’  Source: https://a-student-out-of-time.tumblr.com/post/712104310142599168/alright-first-off-does-this-joss-my-theory/amp

So going down the list:

• Murderer? Whoever’s secret that is, is going to prison if they get out

• David’s secret about being a manipulator will absolutely nuke his career, it’s over, finished, done, his entire future as an ultimate is effectively wasted.

•Ace has an eating disorder, which is pretty deeply personal and will have a huge impact on his life considering the entire world knows now.

• J is actively hiding form her mothers fans, hiding her look and staying out of the public eye, that entire life plan is now completely gone, life permanently altered

• Arei could easily end up in prison now that that’s out, legal repercussions

• poisoning competition? Assuming the theory that that could be Min’s she could easily lose her title as ultimate student(assuming she wasn’t already dead) Ultimate status revoked and legal problems

• Xander’s entire family is dead and it reveals how he wishes he could have joined them, reveals he’s contemplated suicide. Deeply personal

• Somebody is in severe denial about the reality of their own life, deep seeded mental problems.

• Charles’ secret was so deeply traumatic, that he repressed it from his memory entirely and has forgotten about an entire person in his life

• Arturo’s secret, holds responsibility for the death of his sister, first time it’s exposed he threatens to murder someone, deeply personal

•self harm-self explanatory, revealed on international TV

•suicide attempts, deeply personal, liable to have repercussions on life

• Rose’s secret is about her forgery underground and how she’s in crippling debt and a slave to them for the rest of her life, legal problems, exploitation take your pick

• Nico’s bullying problems, being outed on international TV, deeply personal

•The secret David received will reveal someone as a notable figure in the creation of this death game, whoever’s secret this is might never make it out of prison

And Eden’s secret is that she’s a lesbian? And that she’s now insecure in her friendships with women?

There HAS to be something else here or she really so the most normal person here

[catgirl-catboy]

Danganronpa Blackened plans from best to worst:

(disclaimer: I'm including attempted murders on here, and counting certain double murders separately because it makes sense) I'd love to talk about how you would rank these, so please give your thoughts!

Sakura- since this one is a suicide, I'm not sure it counts. But if Monokuma has to actively interfere to get a case to go to trial, then you did a good job. I can't think of a mistake she made at the top of my head. She wanted to make things as easy as possible for everyone, and she succeeded.

Nagito chapter 5- He didn't plan for the traitor to give herself up, which is a reasonable mistake to make considering the only thing he knew about the traitor was that she WASN'T an ult. despair.

Tsumugi- when you have someone actively confessing to a murder that you committed, you are pretty much scot free. That being said, taking Kaede to the location of your secret passage, even if there weren't any consequences, was needlessly risky. I'd say this is one of those cases where it'd be better to have no alibi at all, since Kiibo and Ryoma didn't have one either.

Gundam- when halfway through the trial you still don't know how the victim died, the murderer did a pretty decent job. His main mistake was that he heard the commotion when he shouldn't have, and that was a calculated risk. He could have easily pushed the "Nagito = lying" agenda more then he did to combat that. He totally gave himself up.

Kiyo's murder of Angie: The locked room murder was a good trick that brought suspicion on the student council. I think that if he stopped here, he likely would have gotten away with it. Even with the duct tape, that doesn't bring suspicion on Kiyo specifically. Since it was nighttime, nobody had an alibi. There is no evidence that incriminates him at all.

Kaito and Kokichi- for attempting to create an unsolvable murder, showing that tape of Kaito being crushed sure did create a lot of problems. I don't think Shuichi would have solved it had that evidence not been handed over by the blackened in the beginning of the trial.

Junko- She made no mistakes during her murder itself. If she took herself to trial in chapter one, there's a 0% chance of her getting caught. Having the victim be impersonating herself means everyone would come to the conclusion it's a suicide. She gets points for trying to destroy the body too, thats not a strategy we see killers use often. She makes a few small mistakes in the body disposal, namely not covering her hand when she attacks Makoto and removing Mukuro's fake nails before placing the bomb. However, her biggest glaring mistake was revealing the true number of students in the first place.

Teruteru- For a rushed plan, this was pretty well thought out. His mistake was trying to attack when the rest of the group were together while he could have attacked someone before the party. That being said, attacking from the floorboards during a blackout he knew would happen is a good plan. I also think he should have destroyed or hid the list of kitchen items, so nobody would notice an iron skewer was missing. He could have easily flushed it down the toilet.

Mondo- in terms of plan he had no plan. However, he didn't make any glaring mistakes at the crime scene. There's not much he could have done about the protein coffee stain and the blood spatter. If you add on Togami's interference, there is no way he would have been caught if he had just kept his mouth shut. For the broken monopad, Taka is equally suspicious. Kyoko was the only one that suspected him, and in chapter two she may not have enough influence over the group to single handedly get him eliminated. The fact that a guy who killed in the heat of the moment places decently shows how little brain cells some of them have.

Gonta and Kokichi- this one is very hard to rank because 90% of the reason Gonta was suspected is Kokichi's testimony, and can you really call the memory error a mistake since it was before Gonta was plotting murder? Either way, I'm putting it here. Gonta made a mistake by being seen in the same area as the toilet paper when he could have easily hidden it on him like Miu did with the phone. However, Kokichi made the majority of mistakes in this case by turning on Gonta for denying he even entered the virtual world. (my dude, its Gonta. This is probably the level of lies you would have gotten had there not been a memory error.)

Kirumi- She made one very big mistake: moving the body. If she had just left Ryoma in his lab, this crime would be near impossible to trace back to her. Depending on if she removed the handcuffs and the severity of his head wound, this could be argued to be a suicide. She couldn't have known that Kokichi or Gonta wouldn't have gone into Ryoma's lab looking for him, but even so that could have been traced back to a lot of different people.

Peko- I think her biggest mistake was agreeing to meet up with the rest of the girls if she suspected Fuyuhiko was going to try something. With a cast this large, not having an alibi is more suspicious than something being weird about your alibi. Her mistake with the gummies is understandable, since we don't know how recently she last say Hiyoko eating them. However, why did she get sparkling justice involved? Fuyuhiko was more suspicious than her throughout most of the case, so people would have likely voted for him. If she wanted him to survive the trial, she should have confessed! Her motives in this case confuse me tbh.

Kaede- her murder is overcomplicated, but in a way that makes sense because she didn't know who she was killing. It also would have been quite difficult to test beforehand due to all of the moving parts and the mastermind possibly being in the library at any time. From a tactical level, her mistake was not taking the first blood perk, but thats due to moral reasons. Since this murder failed, I don't think I can rank it any higher.

Mikan- She shouldn't have tried to record that video for Hajime. She also shouldn't have strangled Ibuki when she just could have hanged her. Why obscure the cause of death? That being said, I think killing Hiyoko was the right choice and was done decently. Still the smartest chapter three killer by a longshot.

Chapter 1 Nagito- Bad plan, which makes sense since he was likely trying to get caught. The bad part of causing a blackout is that whoever was closest to the body would be suspected, since it takes the smallest leap in logic for him to be accused. In the trial, he also caved way too quickly.

Sayaka- Makoto would realistically suspect her, but she was counting on being more charismatic than him for it not to matter. That being said, she made quite a lot of mistakes. She took the murder weapon even though she knew Hina and Sakura were watching and it could be traced back to her. In the au where Makoto gets blamed for killing Leon, that would have been incredibly fishy. She also didn't remove potential weapons from the area before attacking Leon, which is a huge oversight considering he's physically stronger than her. The note she sent was also traced back to her. If she actually made it to the class trial, she would have been caught quite easily.

Miu: The moment Shuichi notices the poison doesn't match the symptoms of the death, she's suspect number one. Her strange behavior before that would have definitely been a clue.

Celeste- Where do I even start. Using Hifumi at all made things needlessly complicated, and he made the majority of mistakes in the murder case. If Hifumi can kill Taka and she can kill Hifumi, than she could have killed Taka easily, especially considering his mental state at the time. I'd go farther and saying having Hifumi alive in the class trial would be an asset, since he'd believe everything she says.

Leon- He removed all of the hair from the crime scene, but didn't bother to... I don't know, go back and look at the body once during that? Did he not bother to clean the bathroom. He also took risks with disposing of the evidence when he could have just as easily hidden it in his room, where nobody would think to look for it.

Kiyo's murder of Tenko- Not only did he make a fuckton of mistakes, this murder was completely pointless. The whole murder was a mistake. I understand he wanted to bolster his kill count, but doing nothing was the best option. If he wanted to axe off someone useful to the group, like Shuichi or Kaito, then this murder might make sense from a strategic perspective. He made horrible choices for seance members, arguably choosing the two smartest in the group to help him. I also think he could have likely found his way to the center of the room based off muscle memory, and those lines he added were unnecessary.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Bird Box Barcelona (2023)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established…

2018’s Bird Box was a surprise hit for Netflix and since the similar (but superior) A Quiet Place got turned into a franchise, it only makes sense for the other sensory-deprivation horror film to expand as well. Bird Box Barcelona gives its universe a welcome, fresh direction that easily sucks you in but unfortunately, its initial potential gets squandered.

Civilization has collapsed following the arrival of mysterious entities. Anyone who sees these creatures is compelled to commit suicide, forcing everyone left to walk around blindfolded while doing their best to ignore the entities’ attempts to manipulate them using the voices of people they hold dear. In Barcelona, Spain, Sebastián (Mario Casas) and his daughter Anna (Alejandra Howard) travel together, looking for other survivors. When they hear that Montjuïc Castle might be a safe refuge, they decide it’s their only hope.

There’s one other detail about the world that’s particularly important for this film. We saw it in Bird Box but it’s expanded greatly here. In some rare cases, people will go insane after seeing the entities instead of killing themselves. It’s like they become agents of the entities and go around, trying to find ways to get other survivors to look at the creatures so they can either commit suicide or become more “seers”.

It’s a minor spoiler but it’s impossible to talk about the movie without revealing that Sebastián is a seer. This person we meet and initially think is a good guy just trying to keep his daughter safe is actually moving from one group of survivors to another and tearing them apart from the inside, sabotaging their efforts so they can be “saved”. That’s something we haven’t seen before.

Our protagonist is the villain, which makes for a lot of tension. At first, you don't know he's been "infected" so you're worried like you are about everyone else. Then, you’re anxious the group he’s joined will all wind up dead because he’s leading them astray. Finally – and this comes in during different parts of the movie – you’re sort of concerned for everyone when the group encounters the typical seers, which aren’t content with “gently” leading people towards death; they’re actively attacking you. Sometimes you hate Sebastián. Sometimes you pity him (particularly in the flashback scenes that show how he and his daughter ended up where they are). Often, the deaths along the way are so sudden and the people who die are so eager to end themselves you’re just unsettled down to your bones.

The problem is that ultimately, Bird Box Barcelona can't maintain its fresh take on this “wolf in sheep’s clothing” story. By the time we get to the last third of the movie, you can feel Álex Pastor and David Pasto (who wrote and directed the film) trying to find a way to redeem Sebastián and make him heroic. This is despite him causing innocent people to die for over an hour and a half at this point.

Making this sequel spinoff even more generic and uninteresting is the amount we learn about the entities. As we explore all the ways you can “get around them”, they become less mysterious, less frightening. At first, there might have been a tiny part of you that wondered if maybe Sebastian and the seers were right. Maybe they are angels or some kind of celestial beings looking to free humanity or something. What happens is far too ghoulish for this to be part of any sort of divine plan, but maybe it's an agenda beyond our understanding, right? Once we get into scenes where the characters can keep their blindfolds off because the room they’re in is locked and there are no windows so they know they're safe and all that, the scares have become non-existent.

I’m not sure if the ending’s promise of even more to come will be welcomed by fans. Maybe for those that are morbidly curious. Then again, you are seeing this "for free". Though Bird Box Barcelona keeps your stomach in knots at first, your interest in it will almost certainly evaporate by the time it’s over. (July 23, 2023)

[melohax]

I’ve seen some people who finished Omori talking about how they don’t understand the game’s plot, what happens in the good ending or why the protagonist even decided to change his ways. So then, here’s my thoughts on Omori’s story.

Warning: SPOILERS AHOY. Only read this if you’ve already finished the game and seen the good or true ending. Or if you don’t plan on playing the game at all but still want to know the whole story.

I’ve seen some people around the internet talk about how Sunny’s character isn’t clear to them or how they feel Sunny doesn’t deserve a good ending. Here’s some thoughts I have on why I think Sunny’s growth was well depicted.

There’s two main routes you can go through in the game: the “Reality” route and the “Hikikomori” route.

In the “Hikikomori” route, Sunny stays in Headspace forever and we get to learn many additional details about him. Sunny’s parents are implied to have known what Sunny did to Mari all along. It’s also implied that Sunny’s mother covered the whole thing up and chose to present it as a suicide as well cus, in her own words, she can’t bear the thought of losing both of her kids.

Sunny’s mother insinuates her son isn’t a “good boy” even though she begs him to be good but she still sees him as her little boy (as seen by the overly-sweet and positive messages she leaves around the house and her voice mails) and needs him alive so she can survive her own grief. Sunny’s father is shown cutting down the hanging tree and telling Sunny he isn’t his son, presumably disowning Sunny. The father keeps being absent forever afterwards.

Fast forward to the present and the “Reality” route, Sunny’s moving in 3 days. He knows his time is up in the real world and the biggest catalyst for his personal growth is that he’s finally seeing his old friends in the REAL world after 4 years of only seeing their loving, idealized child version in dreams. For the first time, he gets to witness the collateral consequences of what he did to Mari in his now teenaged friends: Aubrey spirals into delinquency after feeling like she was thrown aside by everyone she loved. Hero is guilt ridden, can’t even go near Mari’s grave and gives up on his dreams of being a chef. Kel wants to make things better but feels powerless, useless and like a screwup. Basil lives in a miserable state of almost constant fear and psychosis.

Sunny finally gets to see the huge toll his lie took on his friends’ entire lives as they keep blaming themselves for not knowing about Mari’s supposed suicidal ideations. He’s finally forced to face reality and he still tries to hide in dreamworld but he can’t. The inhabitants of Headspace are all people or fictional characters he knows or likes in real life (that he changed in his dreams, like how Kim’s brother is a sweet gentle giant and Sweetheart looks just like the candy shop owner at the supermarket) and their quests end up leading him to events where he’s reminded over and over again his dreams will end soon (the end of the underwater highway, the tree near the whale, the shadows of Mari and Basil) and that he needs to delve into Blackspace.

This shows how his own subconscious mind knows well what needs to be done; he’s putting the mental and emotional effort of making himself face what he’s done, shown through the contrast between the whimsical nature of Headspace and the dark surrealism of Blackspace.

As this happens in Sunny’s psyche, in the real world he can try to “atone” a bit by doing good things for his little community like completing requests people around him have. He still has a lot of trouble being near Basil in the real world but considering his entire subconscious mainly revolves around finding and rescuing Basil, he wants and needs to face Basil sincerely before he runs out of time.

We’re shown through memories that Sunny’s personality was always quiet, wary, a bit distant and very bad at dealing with pressure. Some people even describe him as cowardly or mediocre but he was just a small kid who’s entire world ended when he was 12. Since then, he never left his house, spending most of his days asleep rather than awake. It’s no wonder his personality isn’t as developed as his friends. His friends, although they were also in immense pain, at least still continued to live beyond Mari’s death. Sunny didn’t. He only lived through sleep.

Subconsciously, it’s shown Sunny both loves and hates Basil. This is seen in Blackspace with the dialogue he has with the “strangers” walking in the void. They talk about how Sunny (as Omori) does horrible things to Basil in the darkness of Blackspace because he struggles with facing the truth of his own actions. It’s also revealed through datamine of Blackspace’s metaphorical photo album that Basil, in his attempts to save Sunny from the judgement of others and to get him to come out of catatonia, was the one who come up with the plan to hang Mari.

Sunny describes Mari as looking as if calmly asleep when he drags her up the stairs. Her eyes remained peacefully closed until Sunny and Basil hung her. Then, Sunny turned back to look at Mari’s corpse, her previously closed eyes were wide open. She might have even been still alive, might have opened her eyes during or after the noose was tied to her neck. Or the belief he saw her eyes open could have been a manifestation of Sunny’s guilt, instead.

Either way, the horrifying possibilities surrounding Mari’s death lead to Sunny handling his emotional pain by subconsciously taking it out on Basil. It’s why Basil in Blackspace is shown constantly suffering and dying in many different ways. It’s the only way Sunny has been able to deal with himself; by forcing Basil into the darkest corners of his mind, his perfect colorful dreamworld can’t be ruined by the ugly reality Basil’s mere presence represents. It’s less painful to try to forget Basil and to forever blame him for both of their sins.

Still, even with all these conflicted feelings, Sunny’s tried to come to terms with love he still feels for Basil many times before. The shadows point out how this isn’t the first time he’s tried to save the Flower Boy; how all the previous times before ended in Sunny failing to find redemption and so his mind turns back to torturing the Basil of his dreams instead.

However, one of the Blackspace shadows also mentions a very important detail that changes almost everything this time around: his time is almost up in the real world. Whether this means he’ll commit suicide or move away, it’s almost time for him to leave the friends he’s always loved so much behind.

Sunny is forced to do a lot of internal work and self-reflection in what little time he has left. It’s shown through his dream actions, the surreal imagery surrounding him and the characters with all the sub plots his subconscious makes up.

In the route to the good ending, he traverses Blackspace and manages to listen to every harsh truth Basil’s shadow has to tell him. His attempts to save Basil mean he’s fighting his own mind, forcing himself to accept the truth.

To achieve redemption for his greatest mistake, Sunny needs to start with accepting Basil entirely; he has to stop making Basil take the brunt of their combined regrets. It means being willing to finally face the REAL Basil instead of permanently burying him in the most painful place within Sunny’s mind.

So basically, it’s obvious to me that Sunny is forced out of his “comfortable” hikikomori misery the moment he opens the door to meet the REAL Kel.

Sunny and Basil have a confrontation in the real world. When Sunny entera Basil’s room, we see poor Basil suicidal and at his limit. He’s clearly in the throes of a psychotic episode and at the mercy of hallucinations and delusions he can’t escape from (“There’s no way out of this is there, Sunny?”). Basil attacks you in an attempt to save you by killing the “thing behind you” but as we know, there isn’t actually something behind you.

There was never any monster to take the blame for Basil’s regrets, nor yours. It’s always been just you.

Meanwhile, Sunny is trying his best not to completely lose his shit so he can save Basil and stop him from potentially killing the both of them. Sunny likely loses an eye in the fight, shown by the blood coming from your socket and the bandage over it in the hospital.

Incidentally, the eye you lose is on the same side as the eye that can be seen peeking through the hair of Mari’s face as she’s hanging from the tree.

In the good ending, the song at the end talks about how even after confessing the truth, Sunny is alone once again, so it’s not actually clear if Aubrey, Kel and Hero actually forgave him. I feel like this is deliberately left up to interpretation by the writers. The lyrics then continue on to say Sunny still finds it hard to wake up, still finds himself plagued some days with lingering regret, but that he still tries to take it all one step at a time to carry on living.

With the song’s lyrics in mind, the end scene that shows Basil and Sunny smiling at each other while Mari’s shadow leaves them doesn’t mean they’re completely fine all of a sudden. Whether their friends forgave them or not, they at least finally have the relief of honesty. The burden of their unbearable shared secret is now off their shoulders. It’s finally out in the open, which means they both can now start healing and working to find the redemption Sunny was looking for in Blackspace. It also means they can go back to loving each other again without the crushing pain they both felt in each other’s presence.

I agree that Aubrey and the gang get pretty left out in the good ending, though. I wish there was more of them and their reactions to the truth BUT I think it’s sadly a deliberate choice by the writers to leave their reaction up to the player’s interpretation. This can feel extremely unfulfilling to many people (me included, I hate when authors do that tbh) but also to many others that’s a good thing cus they get to apply their own personal meaning and feelings.

I personally feel like the friends forgiving Sunny and Basil right off the bat would be incredibly unrealistic. I think they would need a lot of time (especially Aubrey) for them to forgive the lie that wrecked their lives for years. Forgiveness isn’t impossible but it would probably come in the form of a slow, difficult, heartbreaking process. Bittersweet.

Redemption isn’t just about forgiveness, anyway.

Even if a person is never forgiven by the people they’ve hurt, they can still find redemption for their actions through doing good for the people around them and the world at large. An example of this is shown through what Sunny can do on his last days in his neighborhood. The gratitude and additional flowers he receives in the hospital from each person he’s helped are proof he can still do good for others even after something as horrible and unforgivable as accidental murder. In a way, it’s proof that his life is still worth living.

But ultimately that’s just my own interpretation of the ending and I understand other people would interpret it all differently. Some see forgiveness as a given in the story while there’s also others who think Sunny doesn’t deserve forgiveness or those who think Sunny is a sociopath/psychopath or that Basil is the true villain of the game. I think this is why the ending was left so open, to favor all the different interpretations people have of it.

ETA: Here’s a different take on Sunny’s parents. This post argues that, despite the initial implications, they actually didn’t know about the attempted coverup. It’s a really good writeup explaining the whys and hows and has me reconsidering that part of the story!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OMORI/comments/kr9nvx/major_spoilers_regarding_sunny_his_parents_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

[tender-rosiey]

❧ the first dearest thing to my heart

— dazai osamu x f!reader

Light illuminating through the curtains of the room. Shining on the couple of 7 years that nothing but love and adulation was in the time they spent together.

A man with his girlfriend that he so adored and trusted her with his life. Trusted her with his secrets, trusted her with his past and most importantly trusted her with his heart and feelings.

Dazai Osamu, a man head over heals for Y/N L/N. That being you. Having known you since his dark days, Dazai couldn’t help but fall in love with you.

He loved everything about you, from your smile, to your eyes, to the caring side of you, to the savage side of you and that sweet and innocent side.

Everything about you was mesmerizing to him.

Gently caressing your cheek as he admired how your hair fell on your face like a perfect frame. You were a masterpiece among others and he was sure everyone agreed.

You accepted him and assured him that he can indeed be a happy man. That he doesn’t have to hold onto to the past if it’s in a way that will hurt him. That he can let go of it all and be a truly happy man.

Had suicide invaded his mind. What was the reason of life he always asked himself. Always trying to find a way to bid farewell to the cruel world without having to suffer more than he already did.

Only for his plans to be ruined by the appearance of an angel that lit up his life. That opened his eyes to a new world, the good side of the world. The death of his good friend was only being the last push that made him pursue the way to the light.

As he saw you stirring in your sleep he couldn’t help but smile, he was happy that you trusted him enough to be at your most vulnerable state in front of him.

And the opposite is true, Dazai felt that he could let his guard down around you without a single glimpse of worry in his mind. What did you do to the man who was drowning in darkness and expecting the worst of everyone around him?

You saw him at his worst and stayed; he saw you at your worst and still thought you were the best. A mutual love and acceptance between two people and that created a never-breaking bond.

<<“I would sacrifice my second dearest thing and all that follows for her.” he spoke while drinking with his dear friend at ,their regular place of meeting, Bar Lupin. Odasaku looked at him and raised his eyebrows saying “Why not the first?”

Dazai smiled and said “Because the first dearest thing to my heart is her and I would rather suffer than to see her hurt.”>>

And his words were as true as the rays of the sun cascading on your faces. He knew it was time to get up so he leaned close to your ear and whispered “Good morning belladonna~” he started kissing you gently all over your face which resulted in a giggle escaping your lips.

God did he love the sound of your laugh, chuckle, giggle you name it. He lived for your voice that was made of silk and that never failed to calm him down.

Dazai believed that the eyes of a person always revealed their true intentions. Most of them that he saw being hatred, betrayal, scheming, all of the dark intentions this world could and couldn’t handle.

But yours, they held nothing but pure love and kindness. Most would ask, how could a mafia executive be viewed as such? Dazai knew that you only went to the dark side because no one was there to guide you.

He had never understood the meaning of life, and joined the Port Mafia in attempt to find something meaningful enough to live for. Never succeeding; a never ending loop of killing people just to find the ray that will hopefully give him a purpose to live.

Never had he thought that purpose would be you. Being in your arms and feeling your warmth. These were only some of the things you did that made him feel like living more just to experience them for a a little longer.

Even if both of you at that time were in a hole of darkness. You still managed to light up his life and he hoped he did so to you. No one can blame you for being dark, however. You did what you saw and people said was right.

But again he was somewhat thankful that happened for the both of you, because maybe you wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for that.

However he also believed that it was fate that brought you together so he was sure you would’ve ended up together one way or another.

Another thing he thought about was your name. He loved your name. It always had a nice ring to it. But lord did he want to change your last name. Dazai was what he wanted it to be.

And he did decide already to make you officially his. He planned it prior to this day. Today is the day he had marked that he will make it known that you are his and his alone and it will start with the best morning of your life.

Breakfast in bed. Gentle kisses. Warm hugs. Sweet whispers.

Y/N Dazai, yeah that sounds nice.

“We have a long day, my love; let’s get going.” said the man of your dreams.

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[xwing-baby]

I Don’t Trust You (Din Djarin x gn!Reader)

for @propertyofdindjarin​ - sorry its so late but i hope you enjoy this!!

Characters: Din Djarin x gn!reader (i dont think i used any gendered language in this but let me know if i did and ill change the tag)

Word Count: 8k (this really ran away with me lol)

Warnings: enemies to lovers, description of injury, canon level violence, little steamy (kissing, insinuated smut), threat of death, like one swear word, pre show! Din

Summary: The Mandalorian killed you two years ago, yet here you are alive and well on a different planet. The Mandalorian is called in to help you and your team of royal guards find a missing princess. Things go horribly wrong and you are left to journey home with your worst enemy...

A/N: shout out to the random radio 4 play that gave me the idea for the plot of this and to @propertyofdindjarin for the request for enemies to lovers! i’ve never done this trope before and im not sure if i really did it justice but i enjoyed writing it at least hahah i hope you like it too darling and thanks for requesting! 

--

“The Master is calling in reinforcements from a bounty hunter for this mission,” The general in charge of your squad spoke as the team dressed.

“Who?”

“A Mandalorian,” The general answered.

“We don’t need a Mandalorian,” You spoke up bitterly, looking up as you finally pulled your boots on. The general sighed, used to your defiance and vocal hatred of The Mandalorian. He rolled his eyes at your attitude.

“We need all the help we can get on this,”

“I don’t need a Mandalorian,” You corrected yourself.

“I don’t care about your opinion. My word is final. And besides, there is nothing you can do he is arriving… now,”

A knock at the door turned everyone’s heads. The general nodded and it was opened to reveal the shining armour of the Mandalorian. You scowled as you watched the Mandalorian swan into the room, newly polished armour glinting in the light. You frowned and turned your attention away from him, just the sight of him made you exasperated.

You didn’t understand why The Master would want to bring him in, he was expensive and more importantly an asshole. All the hard work you and your team would put in on this mission would undoubtedly be overshadowed by him. He would be praised no end and paid a handsome fee while you would probably be berated for not meeting his standard and not get any reward for returning the princess.

It was the second attempt to get the Master’s daughter back from her kidnappers. The first time had been a complete failure and caused the gang to go into deeper hiding. It had taken weeks to locate her new location, there was no room for error this time. The princess had to be returned.

The Mandalorian had noticed you the moment he entered the room. He was surprised to see you alive at all, he’d assumed you were dead, having killed you two years prior. But here you were in a brand new system, alive and well. He didn’t say a word on the matter, he’d been paid for your bounty already, it wasn’t his fault you had miraculously survived.

You sat in silence, glaring at the Mandalorian across the room, while the General spoke about the plan for the mission. You grumbled and rolled your eyes when he made suggestions. The nerve of him. Coming here invited and not trusting your plan. The grumble earned you a sharp elbow in the ribs and a hiss to shut up.

With the plan set, you began the long trip out to the location. It was far, a days trip by speeder at least. Across plains, over mountains, through valleys and finally to the destination. A small building atop a large hill. It was strangely open, considering how long it had taken to find. The sun was going down by the time you arrived. You were apprehensive to approach so quickly, wanting to wait out but you had no power amongst this group, especially with the Mandalorian validating the plan there was no way you’d win. The group dismounted the speeders mere feet from the entrance, loaded their guns and went inside, barely stopping for a second once their feet touched the ground.

You however did not follow. Ordered to stay outside, they didn’t trust you. You were to keep watch, not that there was anything to watch for. Two years on the planet and you were still considered an outsider. Your reputation had not preceded you but it quickly caught up. Within two weeks of your arrival, whispers of your real name had floated across the galaxy until it landed into the mouth of the Master. You were allowed to stay, only if you joined the royal guard to put your skills to use.

The royal guard didn’t trust you, used you as a scapegoat on any occasion and sent you in many suicide missions purely because you were expendable. But as even the Mandalorian knew, you were very hard to kill. You came back every single time with nothing more than a scratch. Instead of your action gaining their trust it bred jealousy and mistrust.

You scuffed around the site, listening out for signs that the mission was complete or anyone was in trouble. The moon rose slowly into the sky, stars appeared with it giving you some entertainment as you tried to spot the constellations familiar to you. A twinge of anxiety cut your stomach, they should have been out long ago. You should have followed to help

Suddenly, a bone-breaking thunderous sound erupted from below and the ground began to shake. You were frozen to the spot until your spot began to fall away. The ground beneath you shook and collapsed inwards. You scrambled out the way, moving to where the ground was stable again. The building your squad had gone inside had collapsed, screams and cries of terror could be heard from inside. The building fell, then fell further. All you could do was watch in horror as where the building once stood, a crater appeared. Dust plumed from the wreck, filling your lungs and scratching your eyes. You coughed and spluttered, shielding your face from it.

Soon the dust settled and things became clearer. The devastation was all that was left. And the Mandalorian. Stood alone on the opposite side of the great crater, he looked down into the hole for a moment, thinking, before making his way around to where you were. He didn’t stop to talk to you as he passed, simply readjusting his vambrace and walking away. Disturbed by his lack of reaction it took you a moment to react, you watched him walk a few paces ahead before running after him.

“Hey!” You called after him, “Where are you going?”

“There’s no speeders. We’ll have to walk,” He said, not stopping.

“They’ll kill us if we return without the princess!” You protested.

“They’ll kill you when you don’t return with the girl,” Mando corrected you, “Unless you want to walk climb in there and search through rubble, the only thing to do is walk back,”

“It’ll take days! There’s no way you’d make it back to the city in one piece,”

“Who said I was going back there?”

“You have to finish the job,”

“The job is finished,”

“You arrogant son of a bitch,” You scoffed as he continued to walk away. He picked up his pace, “I told Illana that we didn’t need you,” You shouted angrily. Din didn’t reply, trying to block out your whinging. “You’re a waste of money, everyone knows Mandalorians don't work well in teams. There’s a reason you all got wiped out,” You snarled. That comment bristled Din. He knew you were only baiting for a fight, angry your squad had died and he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted. It wasn’t advantageous for anyone, “What happened in there? You blow it up to make the job easier? You killed them all,”

Din ignored your questioning. He hadn’t killed them, he had barely made it out alive

“She was just a child and you killed her, for what? Tell me!”

He turned when he heard the load up of a blaster behind him. Your blaster, loaded and waiting in your hand was pointed at his back while he walked ahead. He whipped around just as fast, his blaster pointed at you too.

“Really?” He asked.

“Talk,”

“It was a trap,”

“Liar!” You shouted.

“The girl was tied to some kind of trap that blew up the mines below the building. I was not in the room when the extraction happened. I didn’t do anything,” He explained, you didn’t reply, grinding your teeth as you tried to get your head around it. “Why would I kill them? I needed her alive,”

You hated that he was making sense. There was no real logical reason for him to kill the princess. He needed her alive to get his payment just as you did. You glared at him, fingers twitching over your blaster.

“Keep walking,” You said sternly. You turned the safety back on to the blaster though never lowering it. Din lowered his weapon. “I’m not having you anywhere out of my sight. Can’t trust you as far as I could throw you,”

Din huffed in agreement and turned to continue walking. Your blaster wasn’t going to do anything more than scuff his armour, he didn’t worry about you attacking him from behind. If you’d wanted to kill him you would have tried by now. Whatever made this whole ordeal go faster was what he was going to do.

You walked across the grassy plain for hours in total silence. At least outwardly silent. In your mind, you were cursing his name in every language you knew to any deity you could think of. Cursing him, his stupid armour and his stupid helmet. You cursed the planet, you cursed the city, you cursed the entire universe for forcing you to be stuck with the one man you hated most. You wished you had followed the squad and died with them, it would be more pleasant than this. At least with the pace the Mandalorian kept, you were going to be back to the city in record time, this nightmare could end.

Soon the grass gave way to shrubs and weeds, trees that were rare before now crowded around you. You came to a path, well-trodden and open, surprisingly. If it was this clear it was only a good thing, you were on the right path back.

“Stop,” You ordered as the path forked out in two directions. Din had chosen one path already, a few paces ahead. He stopped and turned around to see what the problem was. You were facing the second path, motioning with your blaster to cross over. “There’s a shortcut,” You said, “That forest opens back up in the West of the city. If memory serves me correctly it’ll cut our journey in half,”

“I don’t trust you,” Din said warily.

“Never said you had to trust me. If you carry on that way it’ll take another three days to walk around a huge lake and a ravine. This way cuts that out and we’ll be back in the city in two days,”

You walked forward into the break of trees, turning back when you didn’t hear him follow. He hadn’t moved, still calculating the decision. “Not scared are you, Mando?” You taunted him. “We don’t have much sunlight. Move,”

For a moment Din contemplated shooting you right there. You were rude and arrogant, nobody would question your death at all if he did it. His hand hovered over his blaster, before finally deciding against it. He needed the payment and with you alive at the end of it he would have proof he didn’t slaughter the entire garrison.

He followed you into the forest, walking in front of you as before. The trees were so dense, a few minutes of walking cut out all light. Spotlights of dusty yellow light broke through the canopy providing enough light inside to see your footing directly in front of you but nothing more. Roots covered the floor, winding around your ankles trying to pull you in so your body could supply nutrients for the plants. Branches caught on the Mandalorian’s shoulders, snapping back into your face often when they released. You learnt quickly to keep a few more paces back to stop the attacks.

You had heard stories about these forests. Fables told to the children in the city warning them of the dangers of the expansive green land. Most of them you knew to be just stories, but like most legends in the universe, there was truth to some. That knowledge kept you alert as you continued the walk.

Suddenly, the Mandalorian stopped in his tracks. You nearly crashed into him, not looking where you were going you were met with metal.

“Keep walking,” You ordered. He didn’t move, turning his head to look up at the canopy. You frowned, growing impatient. “What?”

“Quiet,” He hissed. You paused as you heard another shuffle you had thought to be Din moving. It was above you, beside you and behind you. Then you heard it, a shrill echoing cry from above. A cry you had been told to fear since day one on this planet.

They descended from every side. Five or six strong and lean warriors armed with metal spears and knives swarmed you and Din before you even had time to run.

A flurry of metal and blaster bolts occurred. You were quick on the draw taking two warriors quickly before another knocked your gun from your hands. It was immediately lost to the undergrowth. Dodging one strike then another you grabbed hold of one of the warrior's weapons, forcing it back on them to push them back. Pull, push, slash. A splash of blood as the spear cut into his skin and another dead.

You had one left. Flipping a small knife in his hand, the warrior snarled at you before pouncing. Taking out your own, you threw yourself at the warrior. Each attempted strike on your part was blocked effortlessly. Your advance became a backwards pace as you were slowly overpowered. The knife scraped against your vambrace as you blocked yet another strike creating sparks.

The warrior growled something in a language you didn’t understand as you stepped backwards again, finding yourself cornered to a tree. You growled and surged forward again, catching a slice to his cheek and shoulder before being pinned to the bark.

You cried out as a sharp bite pierced your skin, the warrior slipping past your armour and plunging their blade into your side as your hands came up and used your knife to slice their throat. A spray of blood hit your face as they fell to the ground. You fell backwards leaning against the tree for support as your head went light, you watched Din take out the remaining warriors. One on their spear, another with his blaster. He was surrounded by bodies but looked like he’d barely broken a sweat. He surveyed his area before finally noticing you. The ambush had happened so fast he barely had time to spare a glance in your direction to see how you were.

You grimaced as he walked over. He didn’t come close, not helping you, just watching. He saw the leather strapped blade on the ground beside you and the body next to you. You hissed as you tried to push yourself up, even minimal effort was aggravating the wound.

Your hand let go of the injury, revealing the blood to Din. You wiped it on your pant leg, laughing dryly as you looked up at him. You could barely see him, eyes hazy, even speaking was an effort as your throat was stinging with the threat of vomit. Din lurched forward holding out his hand. “I don’t need your help,” You garbled, trying again. This time you were successful, only for a moment as your world spinning and went black for a moment., “Stars above,” you gasped, falling forward into the Mandalorian. He caught you quickly before you fell to the floor.

“Where are you hurt?” He asked urgently.

“Under there,” You slurred, waving your arm weakly at your side. Your eyes were dropping, skin pale. It was the end, killed by a forest warrior’s blade with the Mandalorian by your side. Not how you wanted to go.

--

You came too in the dark. You startled, immediately on guard. The sudden movement made you cry out as pain overtook your body.

“Don’t move,” Came a gruff reply. It was the Mandalorian. Ignoring his request, you slowly pushed yourself to sit up, wincing at the pain but you couldn’t just lay there.

You then realised your armour was gone, top feeling practically bare in your undershirt. A bandage was wrapped around your ribs, soaked in blood. He had saved you.

You looked at him across the fire, confused. You had expected him to leave you for dead. You certainly should have died. Either the gods were playing a horrific joke on you by drawing out this quest with your supposed enemy or he had cared for you. You wondered how long you’d been out for. Could have been a few hours, a few days. You doubted he would care for you for that long but evidently, the bounty hunter was full of surprises.

“You should have left me,” you finally spoke. Your voice was coarse and you coughed to clear your throat. “Why’d you do that?”

He shrugged. You frowned but decided not to press the matter. You preferred living over being dead.

“How long was I out?” You asked.

“A few hours,” He replied, “Nice to have you quiet for so long,”

“Where’s my armour?”

“Here,” He said, patting the pile of metal next to him. You watched him carefully now. You needed that back if you were going to make it and didn’t entirely trust he would give it back. Parts were beskar. You knew he would try and stake a claim to it despite the fact he knew where you’d gotten it from. He’d tried it before and that had ended with you at the bottom of a rocky gorge, “I’ll give it back in the morning. You need to rest and you can’t in that,”

“It’s very important to me,” You stated.

“I know,” He said.

“How do I know you won’t take it?”

“You’ll have to trust me,” Din said. You were not about to do that. You pushed yourself to stand up, grinding your teeth to not let out the sharp pain that was splitting through your side, “Sit down,” Din ordered.

“Give me-,” As you stood up your vision went blurry, you stumbled forward into the fire pit. Luckily the Mandalorian had quick reflexes and caught you before you fell into the flames

“I didn’t save your life for you to fall into a fire,” he scolded you, helping you back to the ground. Sit,”

You shoved his hands off you and shuffled away from him. “I’ll kill you if you take it,” you grumbled.

“You would try,” Din agreed. Both of you knew you would not be a threat. While the Mandalorian had managed to flush out most of the poison some of it remained in your system. Not deadly in dosage but enough to weaken you significantly. You wouldn’t be able to get real help until you returned to the city.

Silence fell over the camp again. You stared into the fire, watching it spit and spark. A physical manifestation of your rage and embarrassment. Not only were you weak and wounded, but you were also stuck with the one person you swore would get revenge on if you ever crossed paths again. Now the only revenge you could manage was maybe to scratch his armour. You had slaughtered people, entire towns had met their end through your hands. Now your life lay in the Mandalorians’s. You hated it.

You glared at him for what felt like hours. Neither of you was going to give in to sleep, too suspicious of the other to succumb to the vulnerability. The three moons travelled slowly overhead, animals scratching around the clearing of the forest none would dare to venture into the foreign light of the Mandalorian’s fire but you could feel a thousand eyes in the darkness watching you intently.

Suddenly he stood up. Suspicious you watched him walk the short distance to you. Without warning, he passed a silver packet of food to you and walked behind you. You looked dumbly at the packet and turned your head to see what he was doing. You had barely looked over your shoulder before his gloved hand came to the side of your face, pushing you away.

“Turn around and I’ll kill you,” Din warned you.

“Ok! Kriff, calm down I don’t want to look anyway,” You scoffed at him. Somehow, his insistence that you didn’t see his face only made the idea more enticing. You heard a scuff of metal and the sound of something heavy on the grass, his helmet was off.

You kept your head straight forward, moving only to look at what you were eating. It was very similar to eating next to a wild animal, any movement you made while he ate could be your last. You knew enough about Mandalorians to know it wasn’t him being territorial but to do with his ‘creed’. They could never remove their helmets, never show their faces to anyone except family. It didn’t seem like the Mandalorian behind you had any family, there was barely a caring bone in his body. Except he had saved your life, though that was more an act of self-preservation than anything else you thought.

Din wouldn’t usually risk eating like this with someone like you nearby. There was no privacy, no guarantee you wouldn’t turn and catch him but his hunger was overtaking his logic. It had been days since he’d eaten, he was the lowest on credits in his life the small amount he’d earn from this bounty was desperately needed. If he was going to be paid at all now.

He ate quickly, wolfing down the scraps he had found in your pack. It was bland and chalky but it was food, nutrients, and that was all that mattered. He had to survive until the next. Once he finished, he picked up his helmet and placed it back on his head. Safe inside his metal shell he stood up and walked to his previous spot on the other side of the fire.

He watched you while you ate. He took in the way your skin glowed in the firelight. Wisps of unruly hair caught the light giving you a halo over your head except there was nothing angelic about you. You knew murder and destruction just as well as he did. You’d killed many and cursed more to the haunting image of your destruction. You were one of a small few in the galaxy who had survived the Mandalorian.

There was something oddly satisfying at the fact you couldn’t get away now. You couldn’t do anything if he tried to kill you again now. All your power, all your strength, was in his hands. It was a dark feeling he wanted to avoid, he didn’t think about it too much. If he’d wanted to kill you he would have left you to die.

Once you finished your food you threw the packaging into the fire and settled back. You watched the Mandalorian pick through your pack, pulling out whatever he could find useful for the rest of the travel. You knew we wouldn't find much, the thing had only been packed for a two-day trip maximum. You ached from head to toe, tired and more hungry than the nutrients bar could stave off you longed for your bed. Soft and warm it was the only good thing in this place, the only thing that had kept you here for so long. Comfort was never something you had been given freely, you were going to hold onto this one for as long as you could.

Soon you couldn’t fight sleep any longer. You lay down next to the fire, watching the Mandalorian until you could no longer keep your eyes open.

—

The next day something had shifted in your dynamic. The fact he’d saved your life had changed things. You weren’t so angry at him. He was careful with you, helping you up from the ground and you didn’t miss the way his helmet stayed on you for longer than needed as you pulled your armour back on. He’d cleaned it too, wiping off the blood and dirt from the metal.

You walked mostly in silence, Din still in front of you. You may not hate him anymore but you didn’t entirely trust him yet. He was on neutral ground as far as you were concerned. He'd tried to kill you once, he’d saved you once, They cancelled each other out and now all was left as to gain any opinion either way about who this man was. Was he a killer or was he kind? His actions thus far, surprisingly, offered the latter. Despite that, your hand never left your blaster, though not drawn it was ready in its holster if he decided to turn on you.

Every time you hissed or groaned as you walked, he would stop, look at you and check you were okay before continuing. If it wasn’t for the cold nature of his helmet it would have been endearing.

You travelled together through forest and fields, over a small mountain and down a ravine. Your legs ached, back sore from carrying your pack but at least your stab wound had gone numb. Your pain receptors were so fried now your brain was trying to forget it all together so you could survive.

You flagged behind Mando, gritting your teeth and forcing yourself forward until you couldn’t take it anymore. You let out a small cry of defeat before calling for the Mandalorian to stop. You sat on a rock above a reed bed, leaning on it with one arm while the other pried your armour from your body. Din stopped walking as soon as he heard you.

“I need to rest for a bit,” You admitted, struggling with your straps. One-handed it was impossible to get them off but if you didn’t you couldn’t breathe. You pulled and tugged at the buckles until you were stopped by the Mandalorian’s gloved hand on yours.

“I’ll do it,” He said quietly. You moved your hand, turning a little to let him have better access to the buckles holding the metal to your body.

You didn’t say a word, knowing you couldn’t do it by yourself. His skilled fingers worked the buckles open and pulled the chest pieces away from your body. There was care in his touch, his fingers momentarily gracing over your exposed skin for a moment. The light touch sent shivers down your spine. You turned your head for fear of showing just how affected you were by his touch. You sighed in relief when the weight was gone and the strain on your muscles was decreased.

“Thank you,” You mumbled.

“We can set up camp here for the night,”

“It’s not even dark,” You protested, “Give me a few minutes we can keep walking. It’s not safe out in the open like this,”

“You’re in pain,”

“I’ll be in pain wherever we are,” You said, “There are caves just over there, it will be safer to stay there,”

“That’ll be two hours walk,”

“I can do it,”

“I’m tired too. We’re staying here,” He said, “You can bathe in the river, clean the wound again,”

“Mando-,” You protested.

He wasn’t listening anymore. He’d set down the weapons on his back and set to creating a fire. If it was going to be as cold as last night you were going to need one.

You were silently relieved. Your entire body was screaming for a break, the wound throbbing so much you could have thrown up. You needed to rest. You knew you weren’t far from the city now, it was on the other side of the pass, you could see ships land and take off in the distance, specks leaving white trails in the sky. You would be back by the next evening, you predicted. Only one day left free of consequences.

As the decision had been made to stay by the river for the night, you decided you could get out of your armour again. You sat up slowly, leaning to one side to avoid putting pressure on the wound on your side. You piled the pieces up next to the rock.

Din was still busy searching for suitable wood, a good distance away from you you decided it was safe to strip off and explore the water you could hear behind the reed bed. You pulled aside the plants, creating a path for yourself and revealing a beautiful stream. The water was crystal clear, reflecting the sunset colours above you.

You waded into the water, holding up your tunic so it didn’t get wet. The current wasn’t strong, stones were stable under your feet and you let yourself walk further into the river until it got to your hips. Creatures in the water scattered as your legs invaded their home. You pulled your tunic over your head, throwing the fabric back onto the riverbank, then untied the Mandalorians bandages leaving them with the tunic too. The cool water soothed your aching muscles, washing away the sweat and dry blood as it passed over your skin. You groaned at the heavenly feeling before dipping down under the surface, letting the world melt away in the stream.

Din returned to find you missing. He dropped the sticks he’d found and looked around for you. He hadn’t heard a struggle, he’d have seen someone if you’d been taken. He spotted your armour in a pile while you’d been lay, too neat to be stripped of you in a hurry you must have taken it off. None of his weapons missing either. Then he heard your voice from behind the tall reeds surrounding the lazy river, a pained groan. He was quick to action fearing you’d fallen and been hurt again. He barrelled through the reeds, nearly falling down the riverbank into the water until he saw you. Entirely naked, facing away from him, standing waist-deep in the cool water. Every scar, every bruise, every lump and bump was on view under the golden sun instantly transfixing Din.

He didn’t want to stare but he couldn’t bring his eyes away from the view. Drenched in golden light, your wet skin sparkled. His eyes fell slowly down your body, his own body was fighting between leaving you alone and joining you in the water. Your shadow cast on the opposite bank of reeds showed a broken image of everything you had hidden.

“Can you pass me my clothes when you’re done staring please Mando?” You spoke up suddenly, looking over your shoulder with a smirk on your lips. Din startled, snapping himself out of the trance he’d fallen into, nearly falling in the water. He coughed and spluttered, the sound coming out strangely through his vocoder, which made you laugh. He nodded, muttering something you couldn’t hear before disappearing back through the reeds to retrieve your clothes.

You were used to washing with no privacy. Being in the places you’d been, privacy was a luxury. You could ignore the lustful stares men gave but something about Din watching you set you on edge, it excited you. You couldn’t see his face, couldn’t tell where he was looking but his vision bore like laser’s into your skin. You felt electric. He could have watched forever and you wouldn’t mind at all.

You dunked under the cold water, cleaning yourself and cooling off the heat of your body. You found your clothes laid out on the bank, where Din had been standing before. You smiled, dried off and dressed before re-emerging from the reeds.

The sun was going down now, barely a sliver above the horizon. Stars came out, colouring the night sky with constellations. The Mandalorian had a good fire going. A field rat hung over the flames cooking away.

“Sit close to the fire so you can dry off properly,” He said as you approached. You smiled and nodded, feeling brave enough to sit next to him rather than across as you had done the other night. He was opposed to your decision and didn’t move when you settled down next to him in the grass. “The wound looked like it's healing well,” He said after a moment of quiet.

“That’s all you were looking at?” You asked with a smirk.

“I didn’t mean to pry,” He apologised, a little ashamed at his voyeurism.

“I didn’t say I minded,” You smiled, sweet on the surface but the wicked fire in your eyes told him exactly what he wanted. He shivered under your gaze and moved quickly to get away from your scrutiny, turning his attention to stoking the fire again. You laughed to yourself and settled back onto your elbows to watch the stars.

This night was so different from the one before. You didn’t watch him so intently, trusting that he wouldn’t suddenly try to rob you or kill you. You were relaxed, as much as you could in the circumstances. Your earlier question of the character of the Mandalorian was slowly being answered. He was a mixture of good and kind, and cold and calculated. You couldn’t forget how viciously he had attacked you all those years ago, how bloody and raw those warriors had been left in the forest. But simultaneously you couldn’t forget his kindness in saving you, his care for your wellbeing as you walked today. How bashful he became when you confronted him about his peeping. You could hear the embarrassment in his voice. If he was a cold and heartless killer like you thought him to be, he would not take your teasing. He wouldn’t be embarrassed. No, this Mandalorian much like everyone else was complicated. Under that beskar somewhere lay a man, who unfortunately you were starting to like.

You couldn’t hate him. Not when he had found and cooked food for you to share. Din had pulled the field rat off the spit, opened it up and pulled out the cooked meat. He passed you half before collecting his own. You initially curled your lip at the charred remains in your lap but there was no other choice. It was that or starve.

Din opened his mouth to speak, to tell you to stay put as he sat behind you but was astounded at how quickly you’d turned your back on him giving him the privacy he needed. Metal hit the ground with a thud, you stayed perfectly still. Din noticed instantly, his chest becoming heavy as he saw your fear. You had been friendly all day, talking as if you were friends but the way you sat in front of him like caught prey reminded him that wasn’t the case.

You surprised him, it was rare for people to understand so quickly, let alone someone like you. Someone who hated him, had tried to kill him, usually, they’d mock him and refuse unless he threatened them, like he’d done to you last night. You didn’t say a word. You respected him.

So, he ate slower. Taking the time to enjoy his food, as much as you can enjoy slightly burnt field rat. He picked at the meat, pulling it apart with his fingers. His quiet groan of pleasure at the taste of his food made your ears prick and hair stand up on edge. You’d teased him for watching you in the river, but if he sat behind you and made sounds like that you were going to have to do something. Call it Stockholm syndrome, some kind of weird lapse of judgement due to the stress of your predicament but you found yourself liking the Mandalorian. He had tried to kill you before, he should terrify you, but the fact he was such a mystery, and a dangerous one at that, made him all the more enticing.

Din didn’t miss the way you’d pricked up at the noise he’d made. He didn’t mean to, it had just slipped from his lips. A new kind of hunger took over him as he finished his meal. He wanted you. The memory of you in the river cast over him. He wondered how soft your skin would feel, fresh from the mineral waters you’d bathed in. You smelt so fresh from where he was sitting, how much better would it be with his nose in your hair. He’d been hungry for days, but this hunger had gone unsolved for months, he could hardly remember the last time he’d held someone, kissed someone, fucked someone.

Without realising it Din had moved closer to you. His hands ghosted over your hair, wanting desperately to run his fingers through it. He wanted to touch you, to feel you. He leant over, just outside your peripheral vision and placed a kiss on your cheek. It was short, shorter as you startled at the sudden touch. Din retreated quickly, your sudden movement startling him too.

“What was that?” You asked sharply. Din frowned, instantly regretting his action. To his surprise, you didn’t make a move to look at him.

“Wh-what do you mean?” He stuttered, all confidence draining from his body.

“Kiss me properly if you’re going to kiss me,” you said confidently. A simple touch of his lips to your cheek had set you alight, you were startled but didn’t want him to stop.

Din grinned in the dark and surged forward to kiss you properly. The sharp scratch of stubble surprised you as he kissed you. His lips were soft as passion dripped into your mouth as your mouth opened to him in a gasp. The Mandalorian pulled you closer, turning you to face him properly. You hissed in pain when his hand brushed over your wound. He whispered an apology, moving down to your jaw. His nose brushed along your jaw taking in the clean and earthy scent of you.

His kiss travelled down your neck. The burn of his stumble on your soft skin made you sigh and open up to him more. Din could feel himself falling into you, your scent and taste, the noises that you were making just from his kisses were driving him insane. He could stop if he needed but he didn’t want to. He could trust you.

His hands stroked down your arms, taking your wrist into his grip. He continued his assault on your neck as he lifted it. He placed your hand over your eyes, holding your wrist tight to keep it in place. His warm hand over yours was oddly comforting.

“Move your hand and I stop, yes?” He whispered in your ear, his hot breath tickling you and sending a shiver up your spine, “I don’t want to kill you, but I will,”

“I understand,”

--

If there was any way you could have predicted the ending of your adventure with the Mandalorian there would be no way you could have predicted the events of the previous night.

He was good. Surprisingly good. You were a little shocked, having thought he was some celibate mercenary monk type character, but he knew what he was doing. If there weren’t stars above you, he’d made you see more. He was careful not to hurt you but didn’t hold out. Edges of your previous hatred for one another dipped in, adding so much to the event. You woke up sore in a completely different and entirely satisfying way.

You set out for the final stretch of the journey with a smile on your face. Your blaster was left alone in its holster and the Mandalorian walked beside you. You trusted him.

The final stretch was the most challenging. Through a rocky ravine, you had to climb over boulders and through tight passes. If you could have gone over you would, but the hundred-foot sheer cliff faces took that option away from you pretty fast. The Mandalorian walked slower to allow you to keep up, taking hold of your chest armour when the weight became too much to take anymore. You still couldn’t understand the reasoning behind his kindness but accepted it easily. He wouldn’t leave you more than ten foot behind, despite your insistence on leaving you to catch up on your own he refused and waited for you before enforcing a rest stop so you could catch your breath and continue. After hours of walking through the rocky pass, red stone finally gave way to green grass and blue sky once more.

You saw the city gates on the horizon and your heart began to ache. You had almost forgotten what you were walking back to. You had to tell the Master that his daughter was dead, that your entire team was burnt alive and you were the only survivor. You were dead for sure. Being the outsider anyway put you on rocky ground, this would be the final straw.

Din could sense your nervousness. Even if you didn’t express it verbally, he knew you were anxious to return. He thought you were brave for doing so, but you didn’t have a choice. If you ran you could never stay hidden from the Master. You were dead either way, at least if you brought yourself in you could argue your case.

Citizens lined the wall of the city, flags waving and cheering songs danced on the breeze as soon as you and the Mandalorian were spotted. You walked through the outlying villages with heads hung low as the people ran up to you expecting their princess in tow. When they saw the two of you alone their cries of joy turned to silence.

You reached the city gates and it seemed nobody had noticed, bells rang out and drums echoes from inside. Children waved from the wall, happy and excited to see you. The whispers started, turned into murmurs and soon the yells of praise and joy were spitting insults and exclamations of pain. People yelled out questions, what had happened to the princess, where was she, who’d killed the princess. Why hadn’t you saved her? Your heart sunk, you couldn’t lift your eyes from the ground as you and the Mandalorian were escorted to the palace.

Din always hated a failed mission, letting targets getaway in mistakes was what kept him up at night, but this was so much worse. He didn’t have any personal connection to the girl but the vitriol spat at you and him as you walked through was tough to take. He kept his head up, trying to think of a plan for what might happen next.

The news of your failure had spread fast, arriving at the Master’s feet before you did. You knelt at his throne, the Mandalorian standing beside you.

“What news do you bring?” The Master asked. He didn’t need your answer, he just wanted to watch you squirm.

“I am afraid we were unsuccessful Master. An accident occurred at the camp and we two are the only survivors of the event. There was no way of recovering your daughter, I apologise,” You said finally looking up at him. Your voice was calm, collected and confident. There was nothing you could do now, it didn’t matter whether you were visibly upset or not.

“Mandalorian? Do they speak the truth?”

“Yes. Charges were set in the mines beneath the location and set as soon as we arrived,” He elaborated.

“I appreciate the aide Mandalorian, however without a successful return of my daughter I cannot pay you,” The master said. Din nodded, having expected as much, “Guards arrest L/n,”

“I assure you we did everything we could to get your daughter, none of this was their fault,” Din insisted.

“You are dismissed, Mando,” The Master ordered. Din didn’t move, his blaster raised at the guards approaching, standing between you and them to protect you.

“Stop it,” You hissed at him, alarmed that he was putting his survival at risk for you.

“Put the blaster down, Mandalorian. You are far outnumbered here. I suggest you leave me while you still can unless you would like to join L/n in front of a firing squad,”

“It’s not worth it,” You whispered, as you pushed yourself to stand up. You gritted your teeth as pain shot through you. You both knew this was how it would end, there was no other way, “I accept my fate,” You spoke loud enough for everyone else to hear. Din didn’t accept it, he refused to. He had only just got you into his life, whatever the relationship was between you two he wasn’t going to let you die for something that wasn’t your fault.

You were surrounded inside the palace. Din’s defiance was only drawing more soldiers in. The chances of either you or Din coming out alive were drawing in. You knew the Mandalorian was worth more, something inside you told you he had a great destiny before him. While our crossed paths had arrived at a pleasant spot you would like to continue, if that was the final destination of your lives then you wouldn’t be the one pulling him to a halt with you.

You stepped into the Mandalorian’s vision, soldiers drawing closer, and you placed your hand over his blaster. You looked directly into his visor, staring directly into his eyes. You didn’t have to speak, he knew it was over. Slowly, Din lowered his weapon and stepped back. With his hands up he nodded to the Master who smiled smugly and gave you one last look. As soon as the Mandalorian walked away the guards were on you, hands roughly tugged behind your back and into harsh cuffs.

Din didn’t look back. Couldn’t. If he did he would do something he would regret. The Master’s voice echoed out of the Palace doors relaying your sentence. You were to be executed at sundown. Din pulled himself into a comfortable stoic calm, and indifference forced upon himself to allow him to carry on. He walked out of the city with nothing. Penniless, hungry and alone.

The Razor Crest provided some comfort as it always did. No matter what changed around his outside could always be corrected inside the silver confines of his ship. He had enough fuel to get him to the next populated planet, hopefully, he would find work there to get food. He settled into the cockpit, flicking through maps for a while to see where he could go. After a while, the exhaustion of not sleeping properly for three days caught up and Din fell asleep in the pilot seat.

--

“Oi! Mando! Open up!” Hard rock being thrown at the front of the Crest and the sound of your voice startled him awake. It was dark now, the moon high in the sky above him. Din’s heart sunk, it was just a dream. You were gone now.

He let himself wonder for a moment if he could have done more, knowing that probably wasn’t true. The galaxy had a way of making things work out the way they should no matter what he did. He settled back against his chair again, head resting on his chest when something slammed against the side of the ship and shouted for him again and he knew he wasn’t dreaming.

He did a double-take when he saw you at the door. Dishevelled and breathing heavily, you grinned up at him. “I thought you were dead,” He said.

“I will be if you don’t let me in in a minute,” You looked over your shoulder as speeder lights approached over the brim of the hill. Din had barely stepped aside before you barreled into the ship.

He stared at you in the low light of the hull. confused by the image you presented. Your armour was half missing, only your chest plates and one thigh plate remained and you were covered in blood. You were not only alive but you had fought well for it. Considering the state you had been in just hours before, barely able to stand up unaided, he was astonished.

“What? It’s not my blood if you’re worried about that,” You wiped your face with the back of your hand then wiping it on your pant leg. “Hurry up and get this ship in the sky. We need to go right now,”

A blaster shot ricochet off the side of the Crest, the sound of bikes coming closer, setting Din back into motion. He raced back up to the cockpit to set off. You followed quickly and watched as the Mandalorian set to getting the ship into the air while under attack. You jumped into the seat behind him, giddy with excitement as the weight of what you had just done inside the city walls had not yet settled in. You were high on adrenaline. The engines roared into life and suddenly the Mandalorian turned back to look at you.

“I’m glad you’re not dead,” He said.

“I’m glad I’m not dead too,” you smiled, warmth spreading through your body at the sentiment,  “now please can we go,” A shot hit the front window making you duck instinctively. “Go!”

--

happy may the fourth guys!! omg i missed writing din so much!! 

tags: @beskar-falcon @peterssweetpea @beskarbabs @wille-zarr @this-cat-is-dea  @dameronology @fandom-blackhole @artsymaddie​

[grace13star]

There’s been a recent uptick in posts claiming that “c!Wilbur is a worse villain than c!Dream” or that he’s “more manipulative” and it’s made me think a lot about just....how villainized Wilbur is? Because while he has done bad things, I’ve seen people just making things up or projecting onto him and making him just. so much worse than he is in canon. 

Again, this is all about the characters in the Dream SMP roleplay and are not the actual people. 

Let’s go over the bad things Wilbur is accused of doing. These are arguments I have actually seen people use and defend with their whole chest. 

1. Created a nation. 2. Sell drugs. 3. Talk about rigging an election. 4. Was a dick. 5. Blew up a nation. 6. Died. 7. Manipulation. 8. Neglectful dad. 9. Child soldiers. 10. Dictator. 11. “Threw a fit” over losing. 

Let’s talk about these and break them down a little. Another disclaimer, this isn’t trying to excuse any hurt that Wilbur has caused, because his actions did cause harm, but this is trying to explain and add context to things that are often taken out of context or just wholly misinterpreted.

1. A common argument for why this makes Wilbur evil is that he “stole Dream’s land.” But like...no. L’Manberg was created on untouched land where no one was living, and had a combined area smaller than Purpled’s garden. Dream, until he declared war, didn’t even care about them making their nation. 

I’m also including in here the claim that he “turned Dream into a villain.” ....What are you talking about. Before Wilbur was even on the server, Dream was part of the disc war, where he stole Tommy’s discs, and then kept perusing them even after the initial conflict ended, including griefing Tommy’s lawn. Before war was declared, Dream and his friends kidnapped and killed Tubbo and Tommy. Dream then also declared war on a peaceful nation (Wilbur said “if they try to declare war we will just say ‘no’”). None of that was in any way forced by Wilbur. Dream made his decisions on his own. Just because someone comes in and says “hey you suck,” doesn’t mean you have to actually suck. Dream made his own decisions, and his decision was to become a villain. 

2. Potions (drugs) are an infinite resource in Minecraft and everyone uses them. This is a stupid argument. 

3. Some people act like he actually did rig the election but...he didn’t. He definitely could have! Quackity wasn’t a citizen of L’Manberg, Wilbur could have banned him from the election easily, especially since his running mate was a previous enemy of L’Manberg. But he let him run, and then he let Fundy and Schlatt run as well. The worst he did here was talk about doing something bad. Also the reason he was trying to consolidate power wasn’t just for the sake of having power. There was, at the time, a civil war going on, and Wilbur tried to stop it but no one listened to him. He wanted the power to be able to protect his citizens and stop a war. 

4. Being a dick is not evil.

5. This is by far the worst thing Wilbur did, and though it hurt a lot of people emotionally, it really wasn’t as bad as everyone says it was. Though the explosion caused property damage, it only destroyed the podium and some of the walkway. People’s actual houses- Manifoldland, Niki’s bakery- were totallu untouched. No one even died in the explosion- the worst thing that happened was Quackity being blown back, but he landed in water. (This isn’t to say that characters shouldn’t be hurt by this! Wilbur betrayed them and definitely hurt them, but people acting like the 16th was worse than Doomsday and also blaming Wilbur for Doomsday even though he was dead is weird.)

There’s also the claim that Wilbur blew it up for the sole purpose of hurting people, which is easily disproved by just...watching a Wilbur stream. Like seriously, stop trying to do analysis on Wilbur if you haven’t even watched his streams. Wilbur had multiple chances to blow everything up, but when he had the choice between blowing it up and hurting people or not hurting people and not blowing it up, he chose the latter every time. At the festival, while Tubbo was trapped on the stage, he stopped going for the button. When Tommy and Quackity were in the button room which would have exploded if he pressed it, he refused. Also I’m gonna use the Reddit post that’s confirmed canon again- Wilbur blew up L’Manberg because he saw how much power it had, and he saw how it hurt people. He tried to destroy it to save everyone from the pain and conflict caused by the nation. He didn’t think they would rebuild. 

6. This one is the one that actually makes me angry. Because guys....Wilbur’s death was a suicide. If Phil wasn’t there, Wilbur would have done it himself- he had been planning to do it himself for months, as there was originally TNT in the button room that would have killed him with the explosion. The reason it makes me angry is because suicide is an extremely serious topic. Characters and the fandom framing it as “Wilbur left or abandoned them” is an ableist take that enforces the stereotype that suicide is a “weak” option or that it’s “running away.” 

There’s also people that will villainizing him for “forcing Phil to kill him” but while I empathize with Phil and realize it was a stressful situation, Phil very much made his own decisions here too. Wilbur didn’t force Phil to kill him, he asked him a few times and then Phil did it. 

7. Again, this is not an attempt to excuse, but an attempt to explain. So first of all, people try to claim that Wilbur was manipulative from the beginning. This is false. Persuasion and making sure someone is “loyal to a cause” is not manipulation. And then Pogtopia- he’s never manipulative in Pogtopia, again, he is only persuasive. I have a longer post that goes into more detail, so definitely check that out. After he is revived, he is definitely guilt tripping Tommy in his most recent stream, but (again, not an excuse) it’s clearly from his desperation to not be alone anymore after 13 years of near constant isolation. 

I’ve also seen claims that Wilbur manipulated Techno and that Techno didn’t know they were planning on starting another government, but this is easily disproven by the fact that Wilbur said multiple times that they’re “taking back L’Manberg” and that he wants to be it’s “rightful ruler” again while Techno was in vc. What about that implies they’re not going back to the government. 

Also since this is relevant- he never manipulated Niki. He was always kind and caring with Niki, even through his mental breakdown. He wasn’t able to bring her into Pogtopia at first, but he talked to her and made sure she’d be okay there (and she said yes!), he offered his life for hers at the festival before hitting people around them and yelling at her to run, she was the first person he gave Blue to, he gave her an inspirational speech and showed her the fox that had been left for her, she was one of the few things Ghostbur remembered. He betrayed and hurt her, but it was not manipulation.

Gonna combine this with this point also but Wilbur was not in any way abusive. A lot of people in this fandom for some reason equate “unhealthy relationship” with “abuse”, especially after the exile arc. Wilbur and Tommy’s relationship, while unhealthy, was not abusive. Please learn the difference. 

Also, if you’ve ever said that “Wilbur gaslit anyone” or that Wilbur is “insane” I want you to define those terms for me right now. No looking anything up. Tell me what they mean. Do it.  

8. What about any of Wilbur and Fundy’s dynamic implies any kind of neglect. No, seriously, where did this take come from. Wilbur was canonically overbearing and he babied Fundy. While it definitely wasn’t the best relationship, it definitely wasn’t neglectful. The only times in canon we’ve seen Wilbur be separated from Fundy was when he was exiled and Fundy cheered while he was shot and killed, when Fundy disowned him in front of their enemy, and when he committed suicide. Even before his death, when they were still on rocky terms, Wilbur stepped forward to defend Fundy from Schlatt in the van. 

9. This take is irrelevant. Child soldiers don’t matter. For one, this is Minecraft. Every single person has equal opportunities. Anyone can become powerful no matter what age they are as long as they grind enough. For another thing, at the beginning part of the roleplay no one was trying to make a long serious story about war and trauma, it was just some friends fucking around and fighting each other. Wilbur also revealed that while writing the Revolution arc that he headcanoned Tommy and Tubbo to be about 20- we know these ages aren’t correct because they’ve been reffered to by their irl ages in lore- but it shows that the “these are children” plot point was added way later- no one mentions it at all in season 1. It doesn’t matter. 

10. This is directed at one person. You know who you are. 

A dictator is defined as “one holding complete autocratic control : a person with unlimited governmental power.” Wilbur didn’t have control. That’s the whole reason for the election. It literally takes one google search to prove you wrong. 

11. There’s a difference between “losing” and “being unfairly exiled by your political opponent who is now declaring himself emperor.” Wilbur was totally fine with losing. He said during the election that he was fine with Quackity winning, and when they actually did lose, though he wasn’t happy about it, he encouraged Tommy to calm down and told him “We’re citizens tonight.” He only “threw a fit” after he was thrown out of the nation he built by someone who immediately declared himself emperor. 

So in conclusion, Wilbur Soot is an antagonist, but he is villified way beyond canon and I’m getting tired of some of these takes that I see over and over again that are easily disproved by just using critical thinking skills. 

This is most of the takes I’ve seen- some I haven’t even dignified with a response because of how clear it is that someone is just lying to try and excuse someone else’s actions- but if anyone has anymore they’ve seen that they want me to talk about, my ask box is open. 

[thenextchapter22]

Angel of the Three Realms

Part 8!! The Last Chapter!!

Description: You were an Angel who went to the human world to escape punishment for loving Lucifer only to be brought back into his life, this time in the Devildom where you pretend to be human.

In this chapter: THE FINAL BATTLE! DUN DUN DUN!

Tags: Unrequited Love, Fluff, Angst, Wingfic, Angel!Reader

Pairing(s): Lucifer/Reader

Word Count: 5.6k

Link to my AO3: Click Here

Authors Note: Thank you everyone who followed along with this story, or just joined! I loved writing this so much and I really hope you had a good time reading. Please let me know what your final thoughts are and reblog, like, comment. I honestly did not expect to write this much of this story but yeah I had a good time and I’ll be writing more of this Reader in the future, so be on the lookout for more~ <3 <3

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven

_+_

There was something to be said about finding true happiness. It was hard to see a future where you would have such a thing. What was true happiness, though? Each person had to have their own idea of what it was.

For you, it was several little things in one. It was being with these Demons born of Sin, and the Angels, and Solomon, in the Devildom where you were given a home. They all made you a better person. A better Angel, if you were still technically one. You still never knew for sure.

The thing was, as a Human you were basically made into a role model. The Humans had no clue what you were or had been, but they flocked to you as if you knew everything and how to make it better. It was a human instinct, you supposed, as if their souls immediately knew they were in the presence of someone different than who they were.

Despite that, you never took advantage. You moved as if you were one of them, lived as one, but just a little better, to make their lives better. Especially the children who needed you.

You had lived as Human, and an Angel before that, and were now living as a Demon in an odd way. And everywhere there was something different, a hint of danger at school or even traversing the halls in HOL. You had adventures that were unimaginable, entered video games and small worlds, and solved dozens of puzzles that made even Lord Diavolo’s world a better one.

You worked with them, not above them. The change was a welcome one.

Of course, it would be better if you had the courage to be with Lucifer and admit your feelings, but it took this long for you to realize that was just something you’d drag with you forever. You would have to get used to it. The stages of grief it seemed applied to one sided love as well.

And somehow, you had found Acceptance.        

“BEEL!! STOP!!” Mammon shouted.

Pulled from your deep thinking, you turned to see Beel attempting to eat all of the bread for the sandwiches you were making for a picnic outing. It was decided a few days ago, and the three demons in the kitchen with you were Beel, Mammon, and Satan. They were supposed to be helping, but that was okay. You were sure that Lucifer would pop in soon and make sure they did their part.

“Beel, stop that,” you sighed.

He looked at you with a loaf of bread halfway in his mouth. A big chomp later, bread totally gone, and he shrugged. “Sorry. Tastes good.”

You giggled. He was so straightforward as usual. “It’ll be better with the meat and cheeses.”

He licked his lips. “Mmm…. Cheese… meat…”

Mammon leaned over the counter top and rolled his eyes. “Ch. Glad I got extra at the store.”

Satan scoffed. “I’m surprised you even went to the store and bought the bread. Probably stole someone’s wallet, though.”

Mammon narrowed his eyes at Satan. “At least I did something for the picnic! What did you do, huh?”

Satan raised a brow. He crossed his legs in his seat, and pointed at the basket. “That’s my basket.”

“Yeah, where you stuffed a bunch of kittens the other day. You’re lucky Lucifer didn’t see that. There better not be any hair in the food either!”

Sometimes, it was best to let them argue. You just went on making the sandwiches, smiling. It was just the three of them in the kitchen, but everyone was going to come to the picnic, even the Demon Lord and Barbatos, and Simeon, Solomon, and Luke. All parties would bring food, and it was going to be a feast and a really good time.

Yes, this was bliss. You could honestly not have a better day than this. You kept humming as you built the sandwiches—

Boom!

The entire house shook with reverberations and you held the counter to stay steady. The glasses clanked in the kitchen for a second and then nothing, like something extremely large fell. How strange, you thought. There had never been an Earthquake in the Devildom before.

“What was that?”

Everyone opened their mouths to respond back when there was a chill in the air. It made all bodies in the room shiver, with no draft, but an invisible force. Something had clearly made itself known, and it was a foreboding, cold presence coming from outside. Strong, and large… Was it the Demon King, back again? What else could that have been?

Sandwiches forgotten, everyone went to see what was going on. Lucifer met up with the four of you as you went outside, and then the others came as well one by one as you walked to the front door. They looked extremely apprehensive.

The sky was an orange hue when they opened the door. They all went in front, protective of you, which touched you deeply. You couldn’t see anything but the sky for a moment, then you heard everyone gasp and stiffen up. What had happened?

You pushed your way through their rigid bodies to find out, and froze on the top step of the house.

Standing there, in the lawn, was Michael… and an army of Angels. There had to be almost a hundred of them. All in battle gear, stern-faced, wings out and dipped in gold at the tips to cut. A true sign of War. But Michael, he was standing tall, wings folded neatly behind, and sword on hip.

“Michael,” you whispered.

How? Why? This wasn’t possible.

Lucifer transformed in seconds into his demon form. He stepped down and stood before Michael, who looked pissed off. The energy clashing between them was unhinged. If it was seeable, it would be like looking into the Eye of a Storm.

The eldest brother nearly growled, “How did you get here, Michael?”

Michael grinned. He looked mad. “I used a transportation spell.”

“There is not…” Lucifer’s eyes widened, taken aback. “You used that spell?”

The Angel gestured behind himself, and tilted his head slightly. “My followers will give themselves to my cause, and some will even give their lives. This particular one gave his to create the portal. A willing subject, and an entire Angel’s body and blood. Easy spell, easily made portal to the Devildom.”

You knew of the spell. It was a Forbidden one. He had basically killed an Angel. His own kin, forced to commit suicide to create a portal to come here, for what reason?

This was madness. This was a nightmare you had to wake up from now. Michael was someone you left in the past, he had no access to you here, or to your family. Yet he wormed his way here just has he had when he made that spell and went to the Human world to force everyone to forget you.

“Why?”

All eyes turned to you, and you realized you spoke that aloud. You really didn’t want the attention on you, but this was your chance. And so, you continued to speak, albeit a little shaky while looking at Michael. “Why did you do this, to me, to my friends?”

Michael sighed like it inconvenienced him to have that asked. “I really don’t care much to explain it, but considering you are about to meet your end, I’ll give a short explanation. So cliché, you really are not the brightest Angel are you? But then again, are you even an Angel, without a Halo?” He grinned.

Lucifer’s aura flickered in anger. “Get on with it.”

You took note of the others. They had transformed as well, and surrounded you in a half circle behind you and on each side, while Lucifer was the one between you and Michael. A shield of demons.

Michael stepped forward, and waved his hands as he spoke, glancing around at everyone, all the while Lucifer’s eyes followed his every move as he did this. “Several hundred centuries ago, I had my personal seer glimpse into the future of my world. All was well, I was leader of an Army, and Father was proud. Then the vision she had altered, and it revealed the Three Realms connected together in ‘harmony’. Angels and Humans side by side, Demons and Angels as friends… Revolting. Obviously I did not like what she foretold so I decided to make some changes.”

When Michael paused, he turned to stare at you. His golden eyes burning into your own. “And you. You, blessed to be created of Angel blood… turned to complete scum. You, who fled from Heaven to escape the sin chasing so steadfast behind her.” He scoffed, mocking you. “You lived as a Human, pretending to be one of Father’s creations, and still maintained the immortality He somehow let you keep? And then you had the nerve to live with Demons, my own Fallen brethren, to bring ‘peace’ to the Realms when Heaven is clearly above all?”

His armor glinted as he tilted towards you, and he narrowed his eyes. “You are the reason I am here today to cleanse the universe of your immortal and foul souls.”

Your throat clenched in fear. He sounded more evil than the Demons you had surrounding you, so set in his plan to eradicate. You panicked, shaking hands and body, and felt a few hands touch you, comforting you. They calmed you a little, and you re focused back on Michael who was not yet done speaking.

“So after planning for years, I made my spell, and used it on you as soon as you landed on the Surface world. But then seeing this idiotic program ‘Lord’ Diavolo came up with and you being accepted into it? Well, that changed things again. So this is the only way to stop the Three Realms aligning.”

You swallowed hard. “War?” you asked nervously. It was a wasted question, you knew the reply he would make.

He grinned, and patted his long sword in its holster on his side. “War. Death. The end of you and these Avatars of Sin.”

He looked out at the demon brothers and seemed sincerely disgusted with them. “The Fallen. The lowest of low. You all deserve what’s coming to you.” After his jabs at them, Michael turned to you. He smiled, a false kindness in his eyes. “Did you tell him why you left? Your unholy feelings?”

You turned pale. “Michael, no—please.” Begging to someone who seemed to be a psychopath was probably not going to work, but you did have to try.

Michael grinned, flashing teeth like a shark about to bite. He looked at Lucifer, who was darkened with infernal magic slithering all around his body. “She loves you, Lucy. She’s madly in love with you.”

The chill that spread through you was unlike anything you’d felt before. This was all you had been avoiding: the utter heartbreak of Lucifer saying he did not feel the same. And Michael, the little shit, had unleashed this terror in you. It was chained up in you for so long now, covered in dust, and unsteady as it was free. Free to tear your heart up. The love you hid was in open waters, and Lucifer, he was going to hurt you more than you’d ever been hurt before. Physical pain would be nothing compared to this.

You shut your eyes, braced yourself, and readied for it.

“I love her as well.”

…. What?

There were stunned gasps around you, and a few claps. They didn’t matter.

You swallowed dryly, and dared to open your eyes to look at the Avatar of Pride. His body faced Michael, about 10 feet between them. But his head turned back to you, and his red eyes blazed. His perfect lips turned up, and he smiled at you.

“Truly?” you spoke softly, scared to hear a reply.

There was sadness then, in the downturn of his brow, but he kept a minuscule smile on his lips. “I’m sorry, my dove. I had no idea you felt this way. If I wasn’t such an idiot Demon…” he paused, “I would have admitted my feelings sooner than this.”

For Lucifer to call himself and idiot, that was a lot for his Pride.

You shook your head. Your hands clutched together at your chest, and you so desperately wanted to hold his gloved hands. Feel his winged embrace. “I was foolish, too. I should have just told you how I felt back then in the Celestial Realm.”

“We’re both fools, then. Together.”

You wanted to laugh and cry, because he was so right. It took a moment like this, and Michael of all people, to speak of the love you held for him.

Before you had the chance to say more, there was a streak of blue heading towards you: an arrow lit with Heavenly fire.

Lucifer spread his wings and was a dark blur as he jumped to you and shoved you away from it. You hit the grass on your back, Lucifer on his knees and one hand at your head. It made you dizzy for a moment, but you took a deep breath and shook it off.

Then, it was chaos all around. Lucifer barely had a second to look at you before he was focused on Michael. Mammon took his place standing above you, and pulled you back to your fortress of protective Demons quick as lightning.

“Stay here.”

You nodded at the second eldest. “Yes.”

You had no experience with Celestial/Demonic Wars. You left far before the one that had Lucifer and his brothers Falling from Heaven. You did have a few Human wars, but those were all literal pitchforks and fire and you stayed out of that sort of thing, only assisting in helping the wounded.

Your fortress had been broken soon, with only a couple brothers staying with you in order to fight the other Angels. Belphie on one side with Beel, and Asmo on the other, a sort of triangle around you.

The only thing you could do was watch in horror as they fought. And for several minutes you did this. There were Angels on the House grounds, slain. Throats gleaming with blood, lifeless eyes opened and frightening. Feathers falling all around like false snow. The sounds of swords clinging, and of wings flapping. Arrows flew, some tried to get you but you protectors were fast and snapped them in pieces or hit them away with a burst of magic.

Mammon was quick, and Levi was fierce. Satan was his namesake, full of Wrath. They were unstoppable, knocking down Angels left and right. They killed, marred, and snapped necks. It was brutal. It was War.

There was no surprise when Simeon and Luke showed up with Solomon, and there was no time to explain what was going on, but it was clear to them who to fight. Luke, of course, took shelter with you, and you held his hand as he hid his face in your side. He was a baby compared to the others, and you didn’t want him to see the blood bath that was currently happening.

Solomon, in full Sorcerer garb, chanted spell after spell. Barriers of magic flew around, entrapping Angels or sending them through portals. You happened to see into one, and it burned with flames so bright you had to blink for several seconds to get the flickering fires out of your vision.

Simeon flew above you with Lucifer, and they surrounded Michael. He used his magic and fought, but Simeon and Lucifer had their own and it clashed together. Michael also used his sword, but Lucifer’s Infernal magic wouldn’t let the sword hit, pushing it back. The Angel roared, pissed, and slammed his body into Simeon.

You cried out as they fell together in a tumble, fists and magic fighting together. They pushed each other apart seconds before they hit the ground. Simeon’s face had blood on it, and your heart pounded, he was like a father to you, he took great care of you. The mere sight of him injured was making you weak.

Lucifer was above Michael, and he dove down with a quick burst of his four dark wings to slam his fists to Michael’s head. But the Angel was fast, too, and was gone, and Lucifer landed in an empty space.

It was in mere seconds what happened next. Michael flew to Simeon low on the ground, gliding over the grass, and pushed him so hard in his chest that he landed far away with a loud thud.

Several seconds passed. Simeon did not get up.

You fell to your knees, and bawled. “Please, no, no, no—not Simeon, please,” you sobbed.

Luke panicked in your arms, and begged to see, to go help him. You would not let him go. He struggled in your embrace, and you realized you clutched him like a child would a teddy bear. But it was for his own good.

Asmodeus put his hand on your head, and smiled down at you. “He’s okay, I promise. I can still feel him. It’s weak but there, his heart beat.”

“You can?” you asked. You focused, and it was a small force. But it would grow, Simeon was a strong Angel. Michael had only knocked him out it seemed.

You sighed in relief. This was too much. You felt so useless, and at the mercy of whatever Michael and his Army wanted. Battle was not in your blood.

“Michael!” A large booming voice echoed the area.

Lord Diavolo and Barbatos had arrived through a portal. The Demon Lord was in full form, and fierce looking. Battle ready with his gold jewelry and buff body, he was strong and powerful in energy.

Barbatos was also prepared. His usual butler attire missing for armor of the same colors. His tail was flickering about, and you watched the forked tail closely, it dripped with something acidic looking.

Lord Diavolo spoke directly at Michael. “You have no right to be here. Surrender now, or face the ultimate consequence.”

“Even in the end, you try to be diplomatic.” Michael laughed. “No, I will not surrender. Angels, continue fighting, we will kill all the unholy and unworthy!”

They all cheered, and the fight went on with viciousness.

Diavolo scoffed. He was royally pissed, you could see, and his face was full of calm rage. He was going to kill Michael.

You wanted it, too. You wanted Michael dead and gone. After what he had done, and caused, he honestly deserved it. And this was what the Devildom made you, wasn’t it? But was it so wrong, to want revenge? These Angels came to kill, they should expect it in return.

The Demon Lord and Lucifer battled Michael. It was insane to say that Michael was formidable against them both, but he had prepared for a long time for this. He moved like a fluid force, and attacked with sudden jabs. He got nothing on Diavolo or Lucifer, and they did not hit him. It was all offensive hits or bursts of magic, but then the other side used great defensive moves. Watching it was nerve-wrecking, and a bit difficult as they were so fast in the air, wings and magic flying all over.

On the ground, Solomon, Barbatos and the other brothers fought the remaining Angels. You looked around and saw a few trying to leave, no doubt to kill other demons aside from them.

You pointed to one, and shouted, “They’re escaping!”

Barbatos was there in seconds, and he grabbed the Angel’s neck and held him still, and his tail went through his chest. He fell down, dead, yellow poison and red blood mixed with body parts escaping the gaping hole.

You almost threw up, and took a deep breath.

“Please, I want to see Simeon,” Luke begged.

“I’m sorry Luke, not now. I promise you he’s okay…”

Luke cried. He clung to you, and shook.

In the moment, Belphie’s tail whipped out and blocked a sword from getting to you, and it wrapped around the sword to fling it at the Angel who used it. You thanked him with a nod, and he had never looked so awake before.

All around you, you noticed the Angel’s numbers diminishing. It was down to maybe 25-30 of them. The lawn was an absolute disaster, in terms of body count. So many dead Angels, it made your stomach ache. This was not what was meant to be. If they just left you alone, they would be alive. If they didn’t try to kill Demons, they wouldn’t be killed by them themselves.

“This is the end for you, Lucifer!” Michael shouted into the sky.

No, not Lucifer.

You searched for him, and found him in Michaels grasp in the sky. How, you were not sure. You had been too busy watching the terror around you on the ground, you didn’t watch what was above you. He was held by his throat, and Michael had his a sword at it. The sight had your eyes watering, and your chest throbbing. This was not happening. This could not be happening.

Lord Diavolo was not longer there, where had he gone? You looked for him, and found him herding a pack of Angels back. He was supposed to help protect Lucifer, help get Michael, but he did have an entire land to protect…

So now… now you had to help.

You handed Luke to Beel, the Gluttony Avatar taking him in his arms like a babe, and he frowned. You said nothing. Wings burst out from your back, and tore part of your shirt. That was fine. You felt something building in you, something made from the sight of seeing your beloved hurt, something protective but more. A magic that was blinding, and used all of your influence, and soared up to the sky. Straight into Michael.

The Angel was not expecting that, and his sword was knocked out of his hand, falling to the grass below. Lucifer fell, too, but you saw Mammon catch him.

The Magic gathered inside of you, swirling. You held Michael as he did Lucifer, by the throat. He thrashed and bat his wings, but you ignored the pain, the gashes he created. Your eyes burned white, your hands burned the same shade, and you let everything just… go.

Wings turned from white to bright blue and gold, shimmering waves of magic surrounded you. What was this power? Unimaginable power, to keep Lucifer safe, keep your family safe. You had to end this. There was one way to end it all.

Could you kill? Did you have the strength, not in magic, but heart, to kill your brother? Even after what he did to you?

Michael, killed by your hand…

“Don’t do it,” a whispered voice called out.

You tilted your head, lost in the influence of this almost static-flame magic. Listening for more from the soft deep voice calling to you.

“You have the power to, but you must not. He will be punished, that I promise.”

This voice, it had been so long.

“…Father?”

Michael was still struggling in your hands. You looked around, and everyone was watching you. The battle had paused, pending what you would do next. Lucifer was looking at you, full of Pride and awe. He smiled, and the just nodded once, firm and sure. He wasn’t telling you to kill, you realized. Did he hear the voice, too?

So, using this magic you gained, you did not kill Michael. Despite all that anger and sadness, you simply put him to sleep. And let him fall about 20 feet to the ground, but still… he lived.

Lord Diavolo was there, and he and Barbatos took him. The remaining Angels, 12 of them, were put in chains and taken away.

You landed on the ground, and let out a breath. With that, the power you suddenly had was gone. With a single inhale and exhale, you were just… you.

The battle was done. Blood was everywhere, dead Angels, fallen weaponry, a stunning amount of feathers. Simeon was awake, and Luke looked him over with worry. You were overjoyed to see him sitting up at all, and smiling.

Drained. That was what you were. Sleep would be nice. Soon, you would pass out, and in time forget these terrible images of bloody battle.

But first, Lucifer.

He was being tended to by Solomon. Sitting on the front steps of the House, huffing and shrugging away from help. Pride, definitely. Adorable, even more so.

When he saw you, he almost stood up. Instead, you fell into him, and held tight. “I’m so happy you’re okay,” you exhaled shakily.

He hummed, his wings encompassing you, though he did wince. “Darling, you are incredible. I love you so much.”

You sniffled. Leaning back, knees between knees, you held his face in your hands. Searching his eyes, watching the glow in them, in his powerful gaze that commanded so much on a daily basis.

And you kissed him. Nothing crazy, a peck really, but it was all you ever needed or wanted. His lips were worn from battle, a little salty from the blood, but warm. A sigh, and you pulled away.

His hands wrapped around your waist and he tugged you in again for one more, and you smiled so wide that your teeth clanked. He chuckled. “You’re so sweet, my dove. So perfect.”

Your wings ruffled from praise. “You’re perfect.” He pinched your side, and you squeaked. “Hey!”

He laughed. “I must tell you something…”

“Okay,” you said, confused. You pressed your face into his chest, taking a moment to hear his heart beating.

“The reason I fell… there were quite a few, honestly. Though, I must admit, part of the reason I Fell at all, was because there was no you to stop me.”

You froze. “Luci…”

He pat your head, and you both sighed. “We can speak later on that. For now, I think we should clean our wounds.”

He was right. But sitting here was like being in your own personal bubble. Still, there would be more moments later, and you would kiss and cuddle him until he could take no more of it.

After the battle, you found out Simeon had taken Michael back to Heaven along with the other Angels, Diavolo opening up an old portal that could only be used if both sides allowed and it lead to the celestial realm. There was no telling what would become of them, but you knew your fellow Angels would take care of what needed to be done.

_+_

The picnic did not happen for obvious reasons. Everyone got cleaned up, bandaged and whatnot. Then helped dispose of the Angel bodies, which was very unpleasant and heartbreaking. You threw up once, and Lucifer directed you to sit down and let them take care of the rest. You were grateful for that.

Then, everyone went to rest in their own space, with the promise of talking at another time. You waved goodbye to the others and wished them well. Simeon most of all, after taking such a hit. He said he was fine, but you knew he was being his usual self.

You went with Lucifer to his room. He gave you a pair of soft sleep pants, and one of his tank tops (the fact that he owned one was shocking). He put his pajamas on, a pair of silk pants and a silk shirt, unbuttoned to reveal his collar. Then you went into his bed, under the blankets, and snuggled close. Your legs tangled with his, and your hips slotted together. Nothing sexual came of this, you were both far too exhausted from what just happened, and you both had a few scrapes that would take days to heal up as well.

He pulled you close to him, and kissed your cheek. “Sweetheart, I want you to know that I am sorry.”

“Why?” you yawned, pressing your head to his chest, feeling his warm skin.

“My Pride kept me from talking to you. Once my memories of you returned, I desperately wanted to confess, but feared it was too late. I assume you thought the same.”

You blushed. “Yeah… I only just recently accepted that you wouldn’t love me that way.”

His arms tightened around your waist, and his fingers pressed into your hips. It was a good pressure, letting you know he was there. “I so hate that you felt that. But I need to hear you say the words. If I wait any longer I don’t know what I’ll do.”

You smiled. Such a stern softy, you thought. You tilted your head upward, and he moved back a bit on the pillow to see your face. The words had never been easier to say. “I love you, Lucifer.”

He cupped your cheek, and pressed his forehead to your own. He inhaled, and sighed. “My sweet dove, I cannot wait to ruin you.” You squirmed and whimpered at his deep tone, knowing exactly what he meant by that. “But for now, we shall sleep only.”

He kissed you once, and then rearranged you to him, folded neatly in his arms, cocooned into him. “I love you.”

The words made your head heavy. Still, you didn’t have the heart to tell him that you were a virgin. Well, it will come up eventually, you supposed. Or maybe he knew and just didn’t care.

Yawning again, you let the thoughts drift away into dreams, trying not to think about the death that occurred mere hours ago. Instead, you imagined future happier times with Lucifer at your side.

_+_

Pure white greeted you, as well as pure emptiness all around. But it wasn’t bright or blinding, it just was.

“My darling daughter.”

You gasped. “Father? Is that you?” you glanced around from where you stood, and tried to see him.

“I am proud of you.”

You wanted to cry. “You are?”

“Very much. I heard your prayers always. I’m sorry for not answering, but I did not want to misdirect you on your true path. You’re so strong, and if you ever really needed me I would have been there.” He paused. “The original spell, my dear, was broken by me.”

“You—you did that?” When your wings were freed, you assumed that was why the spell broke.

“I could no longer see you suffer. Simeon’s informant was directed to him by me as well. I was always there for you, my daughter, and always will be.”

“Are you… you knew I would leave, didn’t you? And you still let me keep my immortality?”

He laughed. “Yes, I knew. I always know when my children need to follow a different path than the one I set for them. I will always love them, despite their change in faith. That’s just what being a father is, loving their child unconditionally.”

You realized he meant Lucifer and his brothers.

But you had to ask one thing, “Where is Michael?”

“Michael is being punished as we speak. I have locked him in a room where he will reflect for all time on what he has done. His so called Army will be given the same punishment. I was sad to see so many of my children perish, but they made their choices.”

You felt the same pain he did, then. Your fellow Angels, so many dead. But Father was right, the choices they made set this path for them, and it ended in bloodshed and death.

Then he shocked you with what he said next.

“I will also be allowing Angels to love who they wish, only if it does not affect Humanity. You have changed me, my dear, and that is a feat not so easy. I created Humans as a reflection of myself, and my Angels to keep watch over the world, to aid in their growth. For all that you did to aid Humanity on its path to good, I will grant you one favor. What do you desire most of all?”

This was too easy. You smiled at the blank space ahead of you. “I only want to be happy, with Lucifer and his brothers, and Simeon Solomon, and Luke, and Barb and Diavolo. I want to be together and bond with them all. They are my family.”

“You shall have your wish. And, my daughter, know that I love you very much, and I wish you and Lucifer all the happiness in the universe.”

_+_

“Darling, wake up.”

You shuffled closer to the warmth around you, and heard Lucifer chuckle. You opened your eyes to see him sitting up in his bed, hair ruffled and eyes sleepy, and he smiled down at you. This is what would greet you in the morning, you realized. It was incredible, having him so close, so intimately holding you.

You remembered the dream, speaking with Father. That he was the one to release you from your bindings, and release everyone from Michaels hold. The truth that he still loved Lucifer, and his brothers. You knew that Lucifer had different feelings about Father, and that was something very different in the both of you, but you would work past that. Because you loved each other.

Just that same day, mere hours before the Angels came to destroy them, you had thought of Acceptance. Accepting the fact that this would never be. That living this life, without him, was just going to have to be your true happiness. You still had the brothers, and him, just not in the way you wished.

You reached a hand up to press to Lucifer’s cheek. He leaned into the touch, and kissed your palm, holding his own hand against yours to keep it there.

“G’ morning, Luci…”

Yeah, screw acceptance, you thought, and leaned up to kiss him.

[kattwritesuwu]

Can I request a Clingy!monsterTom x Depressed!Reader? Maybe with cutting and suicidal thoughts?

I sure can!!! I LOVE angst!!!!!

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Fandom: Eddsworld

Character: Tom

Reader: Depressed

Fic type: Comfort/angst

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING: This WILL heavily mention suic/de, blood, and perhaps other triggering topics, read at your own risk!!

Notes: People, I'm not trying to make depression and similar illness romantic, this is simply for comfort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hate everything.

Well, not everything, but the majority, y'know? Everything just...sucks. Life in general, it's all terrible.

People are terrible. Sure, I've found a few choice people that aren't the bane of my existence, but even they have their flaws.

Am I saying that I'm some heaven sent angel? Hell no I'm not. I'm just as terrible if not more! I hate everyone, including myself.

Am I lying? Yeah. Do I have a crush on someone? Yeah. Am I gonna do something about it? Nope.

Why should I? It's not like I'll be here longer anyways...

I'm planning to kill myself.

Am I scared? Kind of. But at this point I don't care. I'm always scared anyways. Always on my guard around people.

Most people don't know the fear and pain of constantly feeling...numb.

It's not like I never feel anything, it's just so rare. My most common emotion is pain. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. But all I can ever being myself to do is cry, and even that's a rare occurrence at this point.

I feel so alone.

Friends? Yeah I have a few.... they're all a bit odd in their own way. Can't complain though, they're like family to me.

My real family? Not many immediate ones, plus, I moved to England five years ago. They called me everyday for the first couple of months. Nowadays, I can barely get a text back... I get that they have their own lives in their respective country, but man, it just makes me so cold-feeling...

I guess where I was going with this, is that I'm scared. Not of my inevitable death, but everything else.

I'm scared of anything and everything now that I think about it. I don't exactly mean common fears they talk about in elementary school, I'm talking real world problems.

I'm scared of failure, not sure why. I've failed enough in my life....it shouldn't even faze me at this point.

Im especially scared of people.

My friends? Yeah them too. What if I make a fool of myself and they think I'm an idiot? What if I make the wrong move, and they hate me? They probably hate me enough as it is...

That why I won't confess to Tom. He'll hate me afterwards. There's just no point in ruining something for nothing in return.

These were the thoughts that ran through my head as my arms and legs were sliced up by a blade driven by my own hands. It's wasn't like it hurt. All it really did was sting, I'm just that used to being hurt, I suppose.

As I was wrapping up my little 'session' I heard a knock on my door,

"(Y/N)! You in there? It's dinner time! I made breakfast for dinner!" A British accent leaked through my door.

I didn't scramble around at the thought of him walking in, my door was locked after all. It's not like I'm that stupid.

" I'll be there in a few minutes, Edd." I spoke back in a raspy voice, not bothering to yell. Edd has good ears, he can somehow hear a whisper from across the house.

It takes me a minute or two to get up and walk into the bathroom that connects to my room. I stumble a bit with the loss of blood.

Once I get in there I take a quick shower, just barely long enough to stop the bleeding and make it appear as if you just took an actual shower.

Once I get out of the shower, I slip on my (favorite color) hoodie.

That was an easy part of hiding my self abuse. Everyone in the house wore a hoodie of their own designated color.

I also slipped on a longer article of clothing to go onto my legs. Couldn't let them see my thighs either.

Once I finished the rest of my cleaning up, I headed out of my little bathroom, and in front of my door. I took a deep breath, put on a smile, and walked out.

I got about halfway down the stairs before a screech startled me, causing me to trip a bit,

" (Y/N) IS HERE! YAY!" The high pitch British scream could only belong to the narcissistic ginger known as Matt.

Once I got my balance back into my feet, I continued down the stairs and greeted Matt with a wave.

" Yeah she lives here, idiot. She's not going anywhere." A deeper voice had spoken, I turned around and Tom was there as expected. I smile shrunk a bit at his last comment.

" Sup (y/n)." You snapped out of your thoughts and responded with a casual 'yo.'

The three of us then heard a thick accent cursing in the kitchen, no doubt it was Tord,

" For jævla skyld! Just let me have the last piece!!"

Sure enough, when we walked into the kitchen, Edd and Tord were fighting over the last piece of bacon. I let out a sigh, and the two boys finally acknowledged our existence. That alone didn't stop their argument though.

I didn't even bother attempting to break up the fight, I never could anyways. Their little fuss always ends one of two ways. Edd steals the bacon from under Tord's nose, or vise versa.

I just grabbed a small portion of food, and sat down.

I knew I would be gone by the end of tonight...but I wanted to taste Edd's cooking one last time.

Something interesting happened, instead of one of the two boys getting the bacon, they halved it and sat down. Of all my four years living in this house with these people, they've never shared their bacon.

Strange.

Dinner wasn't as talkative as it usually was when we all ate at the table. Usually we'd all have a big group discussion about our day, or week. Tonight was quiet, giving me an opportunity,

" Hey, guys?" Each one of their heads turned to me, and Edd signalled me to continue,

" I just wanted to say, thank you." Their brows furrowed but I held out a hand to tell them to let me finish,

" You four have helped me with so much over the past few years. From when you let me live here when I couldn't find proper housing situations, to letting me borrow the car. I just wanted to formally tell you all how grateful I really am. You are truly the kindest people I've ever met." As I went on talking, I realized how bad of an idea this actually was.

I mean, will they get suspicious? I'm just showing gratitude right? It shouldn't sound like a cry for help or anything...

As I snapped out of thought for the fiftieth time today, I notice that all of the boys have some type of smile on their face, even Tom!

Edd was smiling like a proud mother,

Matt was smiling giddily,

Tord had a smug, 'cool guy' smile,

And Tom had the smallest smile that made my heart melt.

I awkwardly continued my fake smile, and sat down.

Conversation continued on as would on a normal night, with the topic being past pleasant memories.

I volunteered to wash the dishes, it was the least I could do. There was only one problem. For some ungodly reason, Tom had insisted on helping me.

I couldn't figure out why at first, untill it dawned on me that he probably needed something from me.

So as I scrubbed the forgetten food off of the ceramic plate, he rinsed and dried them. We did this in silence, aside from the running water. Tom's the first one to break the tension filled silence,

" So, how have you been?" It was such a simple question, I could have simply faked a toothy grin, and said that I was great. I could have thanked him for asking. I could have asked him back.

But I only did one of those things.

" I've been doing just as good as I always do." I reply with a small sad smile. I tear my eyes away from the dish water," How about you? You've been awfully quiet tonight."

He chuckles lowly," Just had a lot on my mind, trying to face some of my problems, that's all." I stop what I'm doing and look over at him,

" Do you want to talk about it? I think the others are asleep already."

Normally when Tom is having any type of problem, he comes to me for advice, or even just for someone to listen to him rant when he's drunk. I even gave him a spare key to my room if he ever needs me while I'm asleep. He's offered the same for me, but I told him that I have a counselor. I try not to lie to my housemates all the time, only when necessary.

He simply shakes his head in response," Nah, this is one I have to deal with on my own," I sigh,

" Alright then, but keep my offer in mind. Just try to remember to see me before I go to bed, I'm...going to bed early tonight. I have something to do tommorow." He nods in understanding.

After we finish the dishes, we say our goodnights,

" I'll see you in the morning, (y/n)." I give one last fake smile,

" Same to you, Tom. Sleep well." I see him nod and walk down the hall as I close my door and lock it for the final time.

I walk into my bathroom and look into the mirror. All I see is a monstrosity of a person glaring back at me.

The bags under my eyes had only gotten worse after the sleepless nights I spent writing my suicide note.

I decided to skip reading over it one last time, I want nothing that could alter my decision at hand here. If I read my dying love letter that's written to Tom, I might stop myself in some kind of silly hope that everything could be okay again. It was too late for all that now.

So, I grabbed my blade that had served me well over the years, and stepped into the bathtub. I didn't cry, I didn't shake in fear of what I was about to do. I sadly smiled instead. As I took my hoodie off, revealing a tank top that no one knew I owned. I set my hoodie softly onto the floor, and turned on the hot water.

I took a deep breath in, and sigh, grabbing my blade and getting to work on my first artery. It took me a couple tries to find it.

But once I did, it started the red tint in the once clear bath water. I took in a shaky breath, adjusting to the dizziness of loosing so much blood so quickly.

At this point I couldn't even hear the bathwater running, everything was muffled.

I reached to turn it off, and a hand was placed onto mine. It takes me a good second to register that there was someone next to the tub, yelling my name right next to my face.

I try my best to focus on who could have caught me. Yet it's so difficult to take in my surroundings at this point.

So as I stare at the person beside my bathtub with fading eyes. I feel pressure on my wound, and see something being wrapped around it.

I start panicking, trying to say no, to let me die.

But I just can't. I just watch as my life is saved against my will.

Suddenly I can see that I'm moving, I can't figure out how until I notice the arms carrying me bridal style to a soft surface. That's when I lost consciousness for the next hour.

I didn't exactly 'wake up' more like fazed into existence. It's like I just gradually became aware of what was around me.

I became aware of the sobs coming from my bedside, and of the pressure squeezing my hand.

I forced my eyes open and tried to sit up. Yet I instantly regretted my decision, pain shot throughout my body. I glance over to my hand and up the....purple arm....

Who is this? Or perhaps I should say, what is this?

It's some kind of...monster? Hybrid? It looked kind of human... I could only see the torso and up. Even then, the arms grew bigger the farther down the arms stretched, and turned a deeper and deeper shade of purple. Horns poked out of the head laying slightly onto my shin, poking me a bit.

" Am-" I hold my throat. That hurt. I clear my throat of the mucus and start again as the unknown monster wakes up,

" Am I dead?"

The monsters head shoots up, and I can't help but recognize the 'eyes' that I've grown to love.

" T-Tom..."

He tries to smile for me, but it twists into a sad frown as his black orbs start to water,

" (Y/n)....(y/n) you're...y-you're okay! You're okay..." He said this over and over again as he cupped my cheeks with his transformed hands.

I grab onto his forearm to steady his shaking. This was starting to scare me.

I had never seen this man shed a tear in front of me, yet alone bawl into my shoulder like he was doing now,

" Tom, it's okay, I'm right here." I whispered this, and many other reassurances into his ear. Confirming to him that it was going to be okay and that, to my displeasure, I wasn't going anywhere.

He seemed to get angry after a few minutes, he ripped himself away from me and took hold of my shoulders,

" WHAT IF YOU WEREN'T RIGHT HERE? WHAT IF I HADN'T OF WALKED IN!! WHAT THEN HUH? YOU WOULDN'T BE RIGHT HERE!!! YOU'D BE GONE!! I would have...lost you..." He slid down the side of my bed as he finished his outburst. He sat crying into his knees.

I didn't know what to do. Is he mad at me? But despite the questions, I acted without thinking.

I began to run my fingers through his hair, almost brushing it. He seemed surprised at first, before he leaned into my touch.

" I'm sorry Tom. I didn't think it would effect you like this..." All was silent for a few moments. Until,

" Why..?" He sniffled a few times before I could respond.

" Why? Why what?" He looked up to me,

" Why would you try to leave me?" I couldn't even bring myself to say anything after that. Tom seemed to sense the frog in my throat, and continued,

" You don't realize, (y/n). You don't realize how special you are. To your family, your friends. I mean bloody hell (y/n)! What about us?! Edd would be heartbroken! And how are we supposed to explain something like that to Matt?" I avoided the possible eye contact and twidled my thumbs in my lap,

" What about me (y/n)? How am I supposed to go on living with myself if you, the love of my life, killed herself?" My mind went blank. He took my hand in between both of his,

" I know this isn't the greatest time for this, but if it'll boost your self esteem even a little bit, I don't care about embarrassing myself. (Y/n) (L/n), I am deeply in love with you, and have been since you moved in. I've loved you since you helped me to bed when I came in drunk all those years ago. I've loved you since you beat my Pac-Man score at the arcade, I acted so mad, but you were just so cute so excited like that... (Y/n)... Please let me help you love yourself by loving you..."

By the time he was done with his speech, I was in tears, a small frown on my face. He seemed to get the wrong idea as he instantly dropped my hand and got up,

" I got the message, I'll just uhm... I'll just g-" I grabbed his hoodie strings and pulled him in for a kiss.

We could both tell that there would be many more to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry if it's extremely long, I just love to write angst haha...

[johnsamericano]

“Darling.” l.t.y

Pairing: mafia!Taeyong x journalist!reader

Genre: fluff (Taeyong’s a really soft boi), angst, (not kinky) smut

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence, minor character death, sex, I think that’s it.

Summary: Your boss asks you to write an insight on the mafia gang that’s been causing so many deaths recently. But you don’t expect the leader to be so...different.

Word count: idk but it’s ✨long✨

A/n: I hope you like it 😌

“Yes, boss?” You peeked through the door of your boss’s office.

“Sit down, please.” He removed his glasses, gently massaging his nose bridge afterwards. “How long have you been working with us, y/n?”

“Five months, sir.”

“Do you like working here?” It suddenly sounded like he was about to fire you.

“Yes, very much.” You squeezed your hands nervously. “Have I done something wrong, sir?”

“Not at all, your work is pretty good for a rookie.” His gaze on you was intense. “That’s why I have a special job for you.” Your eyes lit up. You weren’t getting fired and that was a relief.

“I’m sure you’re aware about the recent murders around this area.” You nodded. “After exhaustive research, we’ve found the culprit.” That was good news, yet he seemed so serious.

“Have you told the police?”

“Oh I’m sure they know.” He smirked sarcastically, his mustache making contact with his wide nose. “But they won’t do anything, we’re dealing with a mafia gang after all.”

“Wait, what?” You lived in a small town were everyone knew each other. It was shocking enough to find out that a killer was in town, but mafia? That wasn’t possible. “Are you sure about this?”

“Of course I am.” He said as cocky as ever. “I’ve worked in this industry for more than thirty years, I have my ways of getting information.”

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

“I’m not gonna do shit. You are.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “I want you to find a way into the gang, get me as much information as you can and return.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“You don’t have a say in this, y/n. Either you get information or you can pack your things, it won’t be hard to find a replacement for you.” He knew you wouldn’t risk losing your job, being a journalist meant everything to you.

“Is there a deadline?”

“We’ll discuss about that as soon as you find a way in. I’ll make sure all your personal information is well protected.” He smiled, satisfied with your answer. “You may leave now, miss y/n.” You bowed before exiting the office, kicking the plant pot by the door on your way out. One of your superiors approached you as you sat down at your small cubicle.

“What did he want?” He sat down on your desk as usual. The first few times you were afraid it’d break, but it turned out to be pretty resistant.

“He wants me to go on a suicidal mission.” You hid your face behind the palms of your hands. “And I had to say yes to keep my job.”

“The whole office turned him down, I guess he knew you wouldn’t.” He rubbed your back affectionately. “I’m sorry, I should’ve done it myself.”

“Don’t worry Jaemin, let’s just hope I don’t get myself killed.”

(...)

Three weeks. Three weeks you’d been visiting the same coffee shop in an attempt to meet the leader. But he never came, maybe your boss had the wrong information. Nevertheless, you didn’t give up. Sitting at the same spot from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m., waiting for something to happen. There was usually no one there since the recent murders had happened nearby.

One day you stayed for a couple more hours, completely immersed in your work. That’s when you saw him. A man surrounded by at least ten men in suits. He was wearing sunglasses even though the sun had hidden a long time ago. His hair was silver, carefully slicked back, revealing his multiple ear piercings. You wrote exactly what he looked like as you peeked through the window, too afraid to take a picture of him. He soon dissapeared through an alley with his bodyguards following closely. You closed your laptop and packed it into your yellow backpack, calling a cab to take you back to your office. Your boss was still there, checking some of the notes your coworkers had written.

“I found him!” You bursted into his office, your journal wide open in front of his face.

“Did you get in?” He remained unfazed.

“No, but-”

“Then you shouldn’t be celebrating.” You internally screamed before going back home. You stayed up all night trying to come up with a plan to approach him without getting beaten up by his bodyguards. But nothing seemed like a good excuse to talk to the leader. You ended up going back to the coffee shop with no ideas and three hours of sleep.

After three cups of espresso, you were finally awake and ready to go back to working on one of your notes. The lady who ran the shop was always nice to you, bringing you some free cupcakes from time to time.

“I’m just grateful to have a client, that’s all.” You almost felt bad for her. The leader was nowhere to be seen, and you honestly wanted to go home as soon as possible. So you packed your stuff and waved goodbye the old lady as usual. You received a call from Jaemin on your way to the bus stop.

“Any good news?”

“Well, I saw him yesterday. But apart from that, nothing.” You bumped into someone. “Sorry.” You looked up, only to find yourself in front of the man you’d wanted to meet for the past few weeks.

He was smirking the slightest, looking down at you while his bodyguards slightly pushed you away from him, using their arms to keep you at a safe distance.

“It’s okay, boys.”

“I’ll call you later Jaemin.” You hung up, your hands shaking.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing at such a dangerous place?” He pushed his bodyguards to the side.

“I-I like the coffee shop back there.” You tried to sound as confident as possible.

“I see.” He smiled before removing his dark sunglasses, revealing a pair of cute doe eyes. Definitely not what you were expecting. “What’s your name, darling?”

‘Should I give him a fake name? No, he’d probably find out. But what if he does a background check on me and finds out I’m a journalist?’ You stared at him with wide eyes while you sorted out your options.

“I’m y/n.” You extended your hand, earning a collective gasp from the men surrounding you. “What’s your name?”

“There’s no need for you to know it.” He shook your hand with a wide smile. “Do you need a ride home?”

It’d be a terrific opportunity to get some information, but then again, he was a stranger. An extremely dangerous stranger. What if he kidnapped you and sold your organs in the black market? Your mom didn’t raise an idiot.

“I appreciate the offer, sir. But I rather take the bus. Good night.”

‘What an interesting little thing.’ Taeyong thought as you walked away.

He spent the next few days trying to gather information about you, but he couldn’t find anything, not even your age or last name. It was frustrating.

You, on the other side, decided not to tell anything to your boss until you had some solid information. That meant going back to the coffee shop.

The lady greeted you cheerfully as always. Your legs found their way to your usual spot by the window.

The day went by slowly, nothing new happened except for the fact that the lady gave you cookies instead of a cupcake this time.

The little bell on the door rang, announcing a new client. Out of pure curiosity, you lifted your gaze from the laptop. A gasp escaped your mouth as you saw the gang leader greet the lady and approach you with a wide smile.

He was wearing his usual sunglasses, but instead of his formal clothing, he was wearing a grey sweatshirt with jeans. He almost looked normal.

“Good evening, darling.”

“Hi.” Was the only answer that came out from your mouth. He never entered the shop, was it because of you?

“Can I take a seat?” You nodded.

He removed his glasses as soon as he was sitting comfortably on the wooden chair. It was amazing how fast he could go from looking like an intimidating man to a fluff ball. ‘Maybe he wears the glasses to look less cute. Yeah, I should probably write that down on my journal later.’ Conversations with yourself were now a habit since you didn’t have any coworker to talk with.

“So, y/n. How old are you?” The atmosphere seemed somehow more intimate now that he’d said your name.

“There’s no need for you to know it.” You replied, quoting his words from last night.

“Witty, I like it.” He laced his fingers, supporting his chin on them as he spoke. “No one has ever talked to me like that.”

He didn’t seem upset, which encouraged you to keep talking.

“I’ll make you an offer.” You closed your laptop, putting any distractions aside. “I’ll answer your questions as long as you answer mine. Deal?”

Taeyong was once again impressed with your boldness.

“Alright, deal.” He softly smiled, waiting for you to talk first.

“What’s your name?”

“Taeyong.” You nodded, repeating it inside your head so you wouldn’t forget it. “How old are you?”

“I’m 23. And you?”

“25. Where were you born?”

You answered to each other’s questions, careful not to give away to much information.

“What’s your job?”

“Let’s say I’m a businessman.” Well that was specific. “What about you?”

“Let’s say I’m a writer.” The screen of your phone lit up as you received a message from Jaemin.

‘How’s your mission going?’ You quickly grabbed the device, afraid that Taeyong would ask you about it. But he was busy looking at your face, appreciating every little detail. From the mole under your right eye to the tiniest pores in your skin.

You quickly typed ‘ttyl’ and turned off the phone, preventing any future messages from your coworker.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” Your breath hitched.

“We met yesterday.”

“But I like you.”

“Uhm, it’s getting late, I better get going.” You smiled awkwardly before exiting the small building.

(...)

“Are you stupid?” Your boss spat out with a seemingly calm voice. “This could’ve been our chance.”

“I’m sorry, sir. But my safety comes first.”

“If he wanted to harm you he would’ve done it from the moment he met you.” He had a point. “You better find him again or you can bid goodbye your precious job.”

After your little “meeting” with your boss, you threw up at the nearest bathroom, pushing aside everyone who got on your way.

It happened every time you were under stress, and frankly, you hated it. You just wanted to quit your job, but it’d be hard for a rookie journalist like you to get a nice job.

“Maybe you should take a self defense course or something.” Jaemin mentioned while trying to cheer you up, sitting outside of the convenience store near your office.

“Maybe I should buy a weapon. A taser for example.” You sipped on your strawberry milk, the sweet flavor filling your mouth. Your head found it’s way to Jaemin’s shoulder, using it as a pillow.

A loud ‘bing’ interrupted your peaceful moment. You prayed it wasn’t your boss again.

‘I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, darling.’ Your first instinct was to look around, searching for Taeyong. But he was nowhere to be found.

‘Where are you?’

‘I’m right in front of you, darling.’ Indeed, he was looking at you from the back seat of his armored car, smiling cockily while pushing his sunglasses further down his nose bridge. ‘Why don’t you come join me?’

“You look like you’ve just seen your grandmother’s ghost.” Jaemin muttered while looking at you.

“He’s here, Jaems. I need to go.” He nodded comprehensively before you got up from the rusty metal bench you were sitting on. You walked towards his van with both of your hands inside your pockets, regretting not having worn a pair of gloves in the morning.

“Hop in.”

“How did you get my number?” You asked, facing him from the other side of the door.

“Get in and I’ll answer all of your questions. Deal?” That cocky smile of his was starting to annoy the shit out of you.

“Fine.” You walked around the vehicle to reach for the opposite door, smoothly sliding into it. The scent of his cologne filled the wide space. “How did you get my number?”

“Take us to the coffee shop on the 5th Avenue.” You moved uncomfortably on the cold leather seat. “Do you want me to turn the heater on?”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“I have my ways of getting information, darling. But I must admit, it was hard for me to find anything about you.” He spoke as he pressed a button to turn your seat’s heater on. “Better?”

“Thank you.” You were worried he might have discovered about your job, but judging by the fact that he was smiling so sincerely to you, he probably hadn’t. “Why are we going to the coffee shop?”

“I just want to spend some time with you, that’s all.”

“But I didn’t agree to it.” The smile on his lips dropped, discouraged by the possibility of you not wanting to be with him.

“Sorry, we can stop the car if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’ll go. But just so you know, I always carry pepper spray with me.” He laughed. It was such a unique and contagious laugh that you couldn’t help but to smile. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, it’s just that no one had ever talked to me like that.” You nodded while tucking your hands under your legs, attempting to defrost your fingers. “Give me your hands.” You reluctantly extended them. He removed his own gloves to put them on you.

“But your hands are gonna be cold.”

“Don’t worry, we’re almost there.”

You would’ve never expected for a gang leader to be so...kind. He helped you down the car, pulling one of your hands into his pocket.

“Is this okay?” How could you say no to such an adorable face? You nodded, feeling his long fingers tracing patterns over the wool glove. “Is it weird that I’ve fallen for you in such a short amount of time?” He’d never had such feelings before, it felt like the butterflies in his stomach would come flying out of his mouth at any moment.

“Yes, it is a bit odd.” You let him hold your hand, somehow comforted by his warmth. “But everything about you seems to be odd, so it’s okay I guess.”

“So I guess you wouldn’t mind if I asked you on a date again?” You suddenly recalled the conversation with your boss. You had to accept this time.

“I suppose we can have a date.”

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel attracted to Taeyong. Maybe it was his laugh, or the way his doe eyes would sparkle every time he’d look at you. But your work came first, and you were close to getting useful information from him.

“So, where are you from?” He asked, his chin resting on his palm. You’d noticed it was a habit of his to adopt said position when questioning you.

“That’s a secret.” A secret you had to protect with your life if you didn’t want him to know your identity.

“Fair enough.”

(...)

It had been a month since you started “officially” dating Taeyong. He seemed like a normal guy, which often made you question if your boss hadn’t mistaken his identity. But it was on your month anniversary that you discovered your boss was damn right.

“Welcome to my house.” ‘Welcome to my house? More like welcome to my palace.’

“This looks like the palace of Versailles.” You whispered, mesmerized with the ethereal paintings on the ceilings. “Your house looks familiar.” You hummed.

“You like it?” He hugged your waist with one arm, taking your chin between his fingers and forcing you to look at him.

“I mean, sure. It’s amazing.” He chuckled, leaning in to kiss your lips before you abruptly escaped his embrace. Taeyong couldn’t help but to sigh, he wanted to taste your pretty lips so bad, but you’d always find an excuse to avoid him. You walked down the hallway, admiring the paintings hung up on his wall, until you saw a picture of him. An elegant, blonde woman standing at one of his sides, while at the opposite side, a well known man stood.

“Mr. Lee?” You asked to yourself. You’d once written a note on him and his empire, he was one of your boss’s acquaintances.

“Oh, you know my dad?” You felt like fainting due to the excitement, you finally had valuable information.

“The whole city knows your dad.”

“I guess so.” He shrugged before pulling your arm. “Let’s continue with my house tour.” The mansion had at least twenty bedrooms, all of them the size of you apartment to say the least. But the most impressive room, by far, was Taeyong’s room.

“It used to be my parents’ room, but since they moved out I’ve taken it for myself.” He laid down on the bed, tapping his extended arm for you to lay on. “Don’t be shy.” You reluctantly let your body sink into the softness of the matress, Taeyong’s arms cuddling you while he whispers ‘I love you’, hoping you’ll say it back. But you don’t.

“It’s okay, darling. I’m a patient man.” He’d always say.

“Boss, we’ve got an-” A tall man entered the room, cutting himself of as he saw your figures.

“What did I say about knocking the door, John?” His harsh voice tone caused your eyebrows to furrow.

“I’m sorry, boss. But this is urgent.” You tried to remember every single word they said, hoping you’d be able to write them in your journal later.

“Fine.” He scoffed, turning his head to you and pecking your nose. “I’ll be back soon, baby. Don’t leave the room, just call the butler through that phone if you need anything.” The man in front of you seemed extremely confused with the situation, not being used to see his boss in a soft mood. “Let’s go.”

As soon as the door was closed, Taeyong spoke.

“She’s my girlfriend, I don’t want any of you around her. Am I clear?”

“Yes, boss. But if you allow me, how can we assure she isn’t trying to get information?” Taeyong grabbed him by the collar, his true personality making an appearance.

“If you ever bath mouth my girlfriend again I’ll cut your tongue.” Johnny knew he was damn capable of doing it, so he decided to keep his thoughts to himself. “What’s the emergency you were talking about?” The grip on his shirt loosened, resuming their walk to the stairs.

“We found one of Nakamoto’s rats snooping around. He’s in the basement.” Taeyong nodded. “What should we do with him?”

“Maybe we should send his boss a little gift.” That little smirk was one of Johnny’s worst nightmares, it meant something extremely bloody was about to happen. They reached the ground floor, walked towards the kitchen where the fridge had been moved, revealing a hidden metallic door. You, on the other side, used your time to text Jaemin. ‘I’m in. Meet me tomorrow morning at our secret spot.’ To which he responded with a smiley face. By secret spot you meant the convenience store in front of your office.

You placed your head close to the wooden door, patiently waiting to hear footsteps or any sound at all. But even after ten minutes, there was nothing. So you carefully opened the door, pepper spray on your right hand while you peeked through a small opening. After making sure no one was close, you fully exited the bedroom, ready to explore your surroundings. That was until you heard a loud thud coming from the ground floor.

“Huh?” You feet moved by themselves, going down the stairs careful not to make any sound. You walked towards the sound, which became louder with every step you took. It wasn’t long till you found yourself in front of the big metallic door, the weird noises coming from inside giving you goosebumps. The door creaked under your palm as you pushed it open, the sounds of muffled screams now getting clearer. Your opposite hand gripped the small pepper spray, your thumb ready to press the button in case of emergency.

“What should we send to Mr. Nakamoto? Maybe one of your fingers? An ear? Oh, I know. Your head will be the perfect gift, don’t you think?”

“What do you think you’re doing?” A hand grabbed your shoulder, making you jolt and fall down the remaining steps.

“A-ah.” You winced, your eyes shut tightly due to the pain.

“Y/n.” He dropped the knife he was holding, immediately running up to your curled up body. “I’m gonna kill you if something happens to her, Johnny.”

“How is this my fault? You told her to stay in the bedroom!” Taeyong gave him a warning look before he lifted your body. Carrying it all the way upstairs before you could catch a glimpse of the situation downstairs.

“Why did you come out? Something bad could’ve happened.” He wasn’t angry, more like extremely concerned.

“What was going on there? Why do you have a secret door?”

“Let’s take care of your wounds first. I promise to tell you everything later.”

Taeyong kept his promise, applying antiseptic on your open wounds while he told you every detail about his job.

“My father used to run this business, his real estate company was just an easy way to cover it. He retired a few years ago, that’s when I took over. But it wasn’t until five months ago he gave me complete freedom to do whatever I pleased.” He placed a band aid over one of your small scratches, kissing the wound gently afterwards. “We deliver packages mainly on the alley near that coffee shop you like.” You faked surprise.

“So all those dead bodies...that was you?” You were uncapable of hiding the fear you felt. You knew the truth all along, but hearing it from his own mouth was a different story.

“Yes. Most of them were part of rival gangs, trying to get information from our business.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed nervously. “Will you still like me after this?” You wanted to say it was because of your job that you wanted to stay with him. But part of you knew that wasn’t the only reason.

“Yes.” You reached for his hand. Taeyong was taken aback, you were never one to start physical contact. “But you can’t keep secrets from me anymore. You need to be honest with me.” Said the woman who’d been lying to him since you met.

“I will be. Just promise you’ll never leave me.” He pulled you into a hug, smelling the lavender scent from your shampoo. That scent that made him feel so calm.

“I promise.” For now, at least. You still didn’t have enough information to go back to you boss. You let yourself get caught in the moment, sliding your hands up his back and hugging him as well.

“I love you.” He said again, hoping this time you’d say it back.

“I know.”

Taeyong sighed before loosening his embrace.

“I need to go downstairs to check up on some stuff.” He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, admiring your beautiful doll-like face. “Please, stay in the room.”

“Are you gonna...kill him?”

“He saw your face. If we let him go you’ll be in danger, and I can’t let that happen, darling.” He pecked your forehead. “I’ll be back, soon.”

A man was about to lose his life because of you. The thought kept haunting you even after Taeyong went downstairs, making sure to send some of his men to guard the bedroom door. You cuddled into the bedsheets, trying to get rid of your concerns. But nothing worked, your mind creating all sorts of wicked scenarios of that man getting killed.

‘Why did the boss have to choose me?’

“Y/n.” A hand rubbed on your shoulder. “It’s getting late. Come on, I’ll take you home.” You shook your head, not wanting to be alone at the moment. “What’s wrong babe?”

“Can I stay for the night?” Taeyong frowned at first, but then proceeded to kiss your cheek while combing your hair with his fingers.

“You can stay as long as you want, darling.” He went straight to his wardrobe, retrieving a pair of sweats and a hoodie. “It gets a little chilly in here after midnight. I’ll be in the room across the hall in case you need anything.” You held onto his hand tightly, stopping him from taking anymore steps away from you.

“W-wait.” The whole purpose of staying at his house was because you didn’t want to be alone. “Aren’t you gonna stay with me?”

“Do you want me to?” First, a hug from you, and now this. Taeyong’s day was definitely getting better and better.

“Yes.”

You both changed into more comfortable clothes. His baby blue hoodie smelled just like him, like a weird mixture of lavender and lemon. You laid down facing him, his arms wrapped around your waist as he waited for the right moment to speak. Your eyes examines every single part of his face. The scar beside his right eye caught your attention.

“How did you get this?” You fingers gently touched the damaged skin. “A fight with one of your rivals?”

“Actually.” He smiled. “I used to have atopy as a kid.” You’d expected a more dramatic answer.

“Oh.” You nodded, coming closer to his face to take a better look at the scar. “I think it’s cute.” Unconsciously, you pecked it.

“I think you’re cute.” He hugged your waist tighter, pulling you closer to his body. “Can I kiss you?” You nodded, gaze fixated on the way his soft lips would move every time he speaked. He was slow at first, making sure the kiss was something you wanted as well. But the moment your lips started moving against his, all his self control dissapeared.

“I love you.” He repeated for what seemed the hundredth time in the day. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Maybe you were just to caught up in the moment, that’s what you so desperately wanted to believe.

Taeyong smiled against your lips, sliding his hand down to grab a handful of your ass.

“Can you show me how much?” He grinded against your core, stealing a gasp from you.

“Taeyong.” How heavenly his name sounded in your lips. “I want you.”

“I know baby.” He slid your his sweats down as well as your underwear, sneaking a hand between your bodies to caress your lower lips. “I’ve been waiting for so long to show you just how much I love you.” You moaned as two of his long fingers entered you, curling them to reach for your sweet spot.

“I feel l-like I’m the only one receiving something here.” You held onto his silver locks.

“Shhh.” He peppered kisses all over your face as his pace increased. “Let me make you feel good, okay?” Your high came faster and more intense than usual. Taeyong cooed at you, retrieving his fingers to pull down his own sweats

“I’m on the pill, you don’t have to wear a condom.” He nodded, pushing his member through your tight hole as carefully as he could. He helped you to lay on your back, thrusting slowly into you while lacing your fingers together. Taeyong was ashamed to confess he was about to come after a few seconds of being inside you, but your hole clenched around him so deliciously that he couldn’t help it.

“I’m close.” He whispered as his lips made their way to your neck, sucking a mark on the soft skin.

“Me too.” You hugged his bare hips with your legs, feeling another huge wave of pleasure wash over your whole body. “Tae.” He shot his seed deep inside of you. He was about to pull out, but your embrace forced him to stay inside of you, his weight crushing you as he completely laid down on your small body.

“Do you want to stay like this?”

“You said it get’s chilly after midnight, and you’re pretty warm.” He couldn’t help but to smile, skillfully turning your bodies around so you were laying on top of him.

“Good night, sweetheart. I love you.”

“Good night, Tae. I love you too.” His heart swelled with affection as he drifted to sleep with you between his arms.

(...)

“You look so dumb right now.” Jaemin said as he looked at your pink, strawberry sweater. You sat in front of the convenience store you’d usually meet in.

“Shut up, Taeyong bought it for me on our five month anniversary, it was yesterday.” You smiled fondly at the fabric protecting you from the cold weather. “He’s really sweet.”

“The boss has been asking for you.” You felt like vomiting. “I think it’s time for you to come back to the office, we both know you have more than enough information.”

“I can’t do that to Taeyong, Jaemin.” You shook your head, tapping your shoes against the ground. “I’m gonna give the boss my letter of resignation today.”

“But you love your job.” He shook his head before you could even speak. “If you say something cheesy like ‘I love him more’ I’ll punch you.”

“I’m sorry.” You grabbed his hand. “I hope we can still be friends.”

“Of course we can.” He hugged your shoulders. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the building.”

Your boss wasn’t at his office, some of your coworkers said he went out for lunch. It was easier for you to just leave the letter without having to deal with his scolding. You said one last goodbye to everyone before exiting the building. You didn’t expect to find Taeyong outside of the building, waiting for you with a small frown.

“What are you doing here?” He said with a small hint of anger in his voice. “Isn’t this the place where that local newspaper is printed?”

“T-tae, I was just-”

“Fucking liar.” He clenched his jaw. “Get in the car, now.” Tears streamed down your face as you entered the vehicle. “Crying won’t save you from anything, darling. You know what we do to traitors like you?” You shook your head, trying to get him to make eye contact with you. “You’ll find out.”

“Let me explain, please.” You sobbed. “I didn’t tell them anything, I just quit my job.”

“I don’t believe you.” He looked at you, your eyes getting red from crying and your small hands gripping the soft fabric of your sweater.

Despite knowing the truth about you, all he wanted to do was to hug you, to tell you everything was fine. But he couldn’t. The trip to his house was filled with your pleads, begging him to believe you. Taeyong felt like his heart was getting stabbed everytime he’d hear you sob.

“Shut your fucking mouth before I cut your tongue off.” Your breath hitched. You sat still, afraid to make any move. It wasn’t until you felt a tug on your sweater you realized you’d arrived to your destination.

“Miss, you need to come down.” You nodded, taking a deep breath before exiting the vehicle.

The driver guided you all the way to the hidden basement, which you’d only seen once. Taeyong wasn’t there, but Johnny was. He had a pair of black latex gloves and stood in front of a large wooden chair. It looked like the ones used to execute people.

“Take a sit, y/n.” His usual grin was gone as he talked. You had no other option but to do as he said, tensing up as he restrained your wrists and legs.

“Johnny?” He hummed. “Is Taeyong alright?” He laughed bitterly.

“You’re worried about him right now? I’m impressed.” The blade of his sharp knife traced the skin of your jawline. “You should worry about yourself.” He pressed the cold metal harder against you, making you whince. He removed the blade from your neck, letting the thick, red liquid roll down from your wound to stain your pretty sweater.

“Taeyong didn’t give me any instructions on what to do with you.” He took a few steps back, leaving the knife in a metal table. He picked up a metal rod instead. “But I’m guessing he doesn’t want you dead.” He played nervously with the object. “I’m sorry, y/n.” He said before beating your ribs with it. The scream that came out from your lips didn’t even sound like yours.

He kept hitting you with the rod at least ten more times before stopping. His features were filled with regret, but his job wasn’t done yet. His new target was your right hand, you begged for him to stop, but he didn’t.

Before the object could touch your hand, a loud gunshot interrupted him, followed by steps coming down to your location.

“We need your help John, it’s Nakamoto.” He dropped the rod. “They’re too many.”

“I’m coming.” He kneeled down in front of you. “I need you to stay quiet if you don’t want to get killed.” But you couldn’t help the small whines coming out of your mouth, even breathing hurt at this point. “I’m really sorry.”

You were left alone in the room, trying your best to keep quiet, but the pain in your ribs was piercing. All you wanted to do was to curl up and cry.

“There’s someone inside.” You heard a manly voice whisper, immediately followed by more gunshots and steps.

“Oh my god, you’re fine.” Taeyong found you, still tied up to the chair and quietly crying. He released you, pulling your arm to help you stand up, earning a loud whine from you. “What is it?”

“M-my ribs.” You hugged yourself slightly, attempting to ease the piercing pain.

“Let me see.” He removed your arms, lifting your sweater to reveal the purple skin. You weren’t able to see your injuries, but Taeyong assured you it was fine. “You’re alright, I need you to stand up for me, okay?”

“Taeyong, I’m sorry.” You kept muttering. “I’m so sorry.”

“If you’re really sorry then come with me.” You summoned all of your remaining strength to get your legs to work, walking as fast as you could.

You found yourself in front of a man on your way out. He didn’t look like one of Taeyong’s gang members. He pulled out a gun, pointing it directly at Taeyong, but you were faster than him, embracing him as you felt something impact on your back. Taeyong pulled out his own gun, quickly shooting the other male.

“Y/n.” He held you between his arms as he tried to stop the bleeding in your right shoulder, relieved the bullet hadn’t reached any of your vital organs. “I know it hurts, baby, but you need to keep walking for me, okay?”

“I can’t.” Your knees gave in and Taeyong had no other option but to carry you. He successfully walked across the battlefield and reached for his car, only to be pulled down by someone else. You rolled out of his arms, your ribs making contact with the hard concrete and making you scream in pain.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Taeyong and his sweet little girlfriend.” A man with weird accent said before grabbing your boyfriend by the collar. “I wanted to say that I personally disliked your gift. But I thought, maybe I could return the favor by sending your head to your father. I bet he’d really love that.”

“Run, y/n.”

“Awww, how sweet of you.” The man grabbed a handful of his hair, forcing his head back. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her after I finish with you. The boys have been really stressed this past few weeks. I bet she’d be a really nice fuck doll.”

“Don’t you dare, Yuta.” He tried to pull out his gun, but his rival easily snatched it away from him, carelessly throwing it near you. He pulled out a knife from his pocket, placing it directly over Taeyong’s neck. You dragged yourself to reach for the weapon, still completely unnoticed by Yuta.

“You should say goodbye to your-” A bullet pierced through his chest, blood splattering all over Taeyong’s face. The man’s limp body fell backwards, revealing Johnny holding a gun right behind him. Taeyong turned to you, an arm extended while your fingers grazed at the weapon. Blood was still leaking from your wound.

“Darling.” He quickly got up, taking you between his arms once again. “I need to take her to the hospital.”

“Don’t worry, we got the situation under control.” Taeyong nodded before laying you down over the backseats of his car.

He drove as fast as he could, exceeding the speed limits and earning a few honks from nearby cars. But it was all worth it when he saw the nurses taking you into the operation room to heal your wounds.

(...)

“She’s waking up.” Someone whispered while your eyes fluttered open, the bright sunlight forcing you to close them again.

“Darling?” Taeyong held onto your hand tightly. “Are you okay?”

You hummed, attempting to open your eyes again, this time catching a glimpse of a red eyed Taeyong right beside your bed.

“Tae?” He let out a relieved sigh, cupping your cheeks and pulling you into a kiss right afterwards.

“You’re alright now baby, you’re safe with me.”

[lildevyl]

DSMP FanFic Recommendations I

So, a few days @nastiiuu did a nice Recommendation of a DSMP FanFic called Evermore. So, per request, here's a list of different DSMP Recommendations that I have from my History, Mark For Later, and from my Bookmarks! Sorry, @nastiiuu that it took me a while to get this up! But I hope you all enjoy!

Stay safe and I will put the Summaries and Tigger Warnings in as well!

So, I will start off with the one the @nastiiuu recommended a few days ago!

Evermore

Summary: Prince Theseus, a child of blonde and blue, a child of isolation and a crave for touch. He's the youngest in the Royal Family, and somehow the most forgotten. The most neglected. The most alone.

Tucked away in his tower, the young prince watches the world move on without him, watches his family welcome two new princes into their arms, and yet reject him when he cries desperately from nightmares or shivers from a painful wound.

"Wilby?" The child had murmured, all curious and hesitant at once. He was tucked in his older brother's lap, watching as his other sibling sparred with their father. "We'll always be together, right? Forever and ever?"

Wilbur smiled. "Of course, Tommy. Forever and ever."

The Hanahaki rising in young Theseus' throat says otherwise.

TW: Isolation, Hanahki Disease, Angst no happy ending, Character Death, Villain!Dream, Manuplation.

The Exchange: My Life for Yours: I'm still reading this one, I'm on chapter 17 and it's ssssssssooooooooo good right now!

Summary: Tommy was a liability. Too annoying and too loud.

Techno didn't care about this child.

"Unless of course, you want call on that favor"

"Ok"

Then why he suddenly did?

TW: Villain!Dream, Canon Diverse, Kidnapping, Demons/Dreamons, Demon!Dream, Dreamon!Dream, Isolation, Manipulation, "A Deal with the Devil."

The Inevitability of Change: I just got caught up with this one and oh my Ghoul! This is intense and so good! I can't wait for the update!

Summary: Fuck it, he was allowed to do this, it would be better for everyone else anyway. They could do whatever they wanted and he wouldn’t be in their way. He wouldn’t cause problems anymore and he could have the perfect life that he had always wanted.

The egg extended a blood vine out to him. "Do we have a deal?" There was a level of smugness that Tommy recognized all too well from all his wars with Dream, it was the sound of an opponent knowing they’d won.

“We do, you dumb ugly bitch.”

or

Tommyinnit hated change. He'd witnessed so many people he cared about in his life change and hardly ever for the better. He just wished things could go back to the way they were when he had everything he ever wanted, a loving family who cared about him, a best friend who was always by his side. He craves this so badly that he makes a deal with the egg to get everything he's ever wanted.

or or

Tommy becomes a coraline kinnie

TW: Derealization, Unreality, Manipulation, Child Abandonment, Violence (later chapters), Explosions (later chapters).

Ties of the Puppet

Summary: Tommy hates how his mind feels trapped at that moment with Tubbo. The look in his eyes one Tommy had been forced to see far too many times. Wilbur’s eyes.

or

Tommy struggles with the trauma of his life and unhealthy relationships, Wilbur tries his hand at redemption, Phil and Techno learn to heal what's been lost.

TW: Mental Health Issues, Violence, Abuse, Redemption Arc for Tubbo, Healing for Tommy/Phil/Techno, some of the characters will seem a little OOC, Canon Diverse.

Forged By Truth (Or the Lack there of)

Summary: After his escape from exile failed spectacularly, Tommy only needed to be reminded that Dream saved his life a few times before it starts to sink in. Once his exile can continue again far away from any more distractions, Dream proceeds with his plan to craft the perfect weapon.

TW: Manipulation, Mention of Character Death (Character doesn't really die but the other characters don't know that), Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, Protégé AU, Tommy becomes Dream's Protégé, Angst, Whump.

Mask: I'm still working on this one but it's really, really, really good! A lot of Angst and Manipulation. So, please be careful when reading!

Summary: Dream knew Tommy was a naturally clingy child. That's why he found such satisfaction in having him exiled.

Dream didn't plan on Tommy clinging to him.

Dream was going to take advantage of the situation.

All Tommy needed was a bit of a push and then he would be completely broken.

Ready to be remodeled into the perfect weapon.

TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Attempted Suicide, Manipulation, Emotional and Mental Manipulation, Protégé AU, Broken!Tommy, Angst, Angst (possibly no happy ending but I'm not sure), Whump.

Lion's Cup, Tiger Stripes: I just finished this one and it's so good! Exile Arc but with a twist! Guest Appearances by Sad-ist, Late-August, Derivakat.

Summary: Tommy Innit knew what Dream was doing and was sure as hell not going through with it. So, by the third week of exile, as Dream starts to escalate his punishments, he leaves. One month later he runs into Purpled and hires him as a bodyguard while he travels.

Or Tommy runs away, stays in one village for a month to clear his head and decides to go travelling while dragging Purpled with him.

Or road trip pog.

TW: Angst, Angst with a happy, Found Family, Violence, Testing, Scares, Explosions (later chapters), I think that's all.

Valley of Serenity: This is a very long fic! It's about 60+ chapters so feel free to read in increments but this is a really good fic! Redemption Arc and Healing for the SBI Family!

Summary: After blowing up a nation, Wilbur throws a sword down at his father's feet and begs to be killed.

Phil, however, takes one look at the state of his children and decides he has other plans.

(post november 16th au where wilbur doesn't die. instead a family leaves the smp entirely, and learn how to live with each other again.)

"Fuck, I - I can't forgive either of you right now," Tommy says quietly. Despite the words, he hugs Wilbur tighter. "One day, though. I think one day I will."

"And we're still brothers, right?" Wilbur dares ask. Techno inhales sharply beside him.

They get a choked laugh in reply.

"Yeah. Brothers."

TW: Angst, Mention of wanting to die, Healing, a long road of healing, Mental Health Issues, Family Bonds, Angst but I think there is a happy ending, Violence, Mention of the L'Manburg exploding. Redemption Arc, Healing.

Breathing's Just A Rhythm: I finished this fic a few weeks ago and my ghoul! This is so good! Time Travel Fic with Dream, Schlatt, Tubbo, Tommy, and of course CHAT!

Summary: POGTOPIA??? WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?? TIMETRAVELBLADE. technotravel

“Chat, I did not time travel,” Techno said exhaustedly, “I don’t know what gave you that idea, but please calm yourselves.”

The voices started obnoxiously whispering at the top of their lungs. HE DOESN’T KNOW. PANIC

Or: Tommy, Tubbo, Jschlatt, and Dream all end up in the past. (Oh, and the Chat comes too) (mcd is a villain, this fic has a happy ending)

Or OR! Dream attempts to Time Travel in the past but winds only go back a few months ago during Pogtopia Area and he winds up bring a few unexpected victors with him! MEANWHILE: Karl is trying his damnest to fix everything with Time Travel Fiasco that Dream caused! B/C the Future selves and the past selves switched!

TW: Graphic Violence, Bodily harm (later chapters), Kidnapping (later chapters), Explosions (later chapters), Betrayal (later chapters I won't say who!), Isolation, Manipulations, Mental and Emotional Abuse, Trauma, Therapy (Finally these boys gets some), Good!Schlatt, Villain!Dream, Redemption Arc Wilbur and Schlatt.

I think I got them all?

Wrong Place for Redemption: This one of the stories that helped inspired Breathing is Just a Rhythm! Time Travel Fic!

Summary: -Previously titled Time Will Decide. Name taken from lyrics in 'A Sadness Runs Through Him' by The Hosiers

“Okay, why don’t you go see him.” Tommy didn’t know what he thought the afterlife was going to be like, hell he didn’t even know if it was a real thing. Maybe he’d see Wilbur, possibly Schlatt, but he didn’t expect to see a white castle and Karl.

Or where Tommy looses his final life to Dream in the prison only to be teleported back in time.

OR where Tommy is given a second chance and isn't going to blow it, not even if things start to get revealed (things that change everything) and discoveries are made.

This whole book has TW's: Child abuse, violence/murder, gore/blood, implied/referenced suicide, suicide, drinking, etc.

Parental Rights: Another good on going fic for me! Can you tell that I love some SBI/Found Family Fics here?

Summary: Sam wants to be there for Tommy. Wants to be his dad. Wants to be the one Tommy comes to when he's in trouble or excited over something. He'd happily legally adopt Tommy, but well... Tommy's actual father is in the way of that. Sam thought with how distanced Phil was with his son it would be easy to persuade him to give his parental rights over to Sam. But well... Tommy's stubbornness had to come from somewhere, right?

TW: Sleep Walking, Mentions of Exile, Healing Arc for Tommy, Healing Arc for Sam, Healing Arc for Tubbo, SBI, Healing Arc for Techno.

Allium: This is still on going, but oh man! This is getting really good!

Summary: What if Dreams plan for the Disc War finale had worked?

Tubbo dead, Tommy in the prison, SMP under his control. Allium Ashes.

TW: Major Character Death, Ghostbo (Ghost Tubbo), Manipulation, Isolation, Imprisonment, Prisoner Innit, Making someone believe they are responsible for something they didn't do, Kidnapping, Rescue Mission.

And How Can I Compete (With The World At Your Feet): God AU and this is really Fangtastic! Rated M for Graphic Violence and Attempted Sacrifice.

Summary: Tommy has been kept away from the world and held captive for four years, and now he’s about to be used as a sacrifice to a god. A blood god, to be specific. The Blood God. But, instead of accepting his captor’s sacrifice, the Blood God is in debt to Tommy. And he’s going to save him.

A universe where Technoblade, Wilbur, and Phil are all gods who have become quite protective of a mortal fifteen year old without a home.

This concept was based on a text post I saw, I think! I can’t find it anymore, but if you see it let me know!

TW: Blood, Violence, Attempted Sacrifice, Villain!Dream, Villain!BadBoyHalo, Occult Setting, God AU, Blood God!Techno, Angel of Death!Philza, God!Wilbur, Angel!Tubbo, Angel!Ranboo.

Death's Forest: This is a nice little One-Shot for the SBI, and Dadza fans! Set during Tommy's Exile. Don't worry! Dadza to the rescue!

Summary: “Can I see him?” Phil asks, blinking owlishly, as if he’s simply just asking. As if he’s not holding a threat behind those light words.

“Don’t push your limits.” Dream responds, and Phil only smiles with a slow nod.

The next day, Dream wishes he had answered differently.

Or

Phil isn’t quite human. He wants to visit Tommy during exile.

TW: I don't think there's any TW here, but if there is, please let me know!

Prince Theseus: Royal AU! Hybrid Tommy. Prince Tommy (Theseus).

Summary: Prince Theseus Craft of the Anartitic Empire, A child who could bring joy to anyone's day left to be forgotten by his family left to spend his days in his tower with nothing but his Maid and dear friend as company

Left to watch his older brothers laugh and smile as his father looks at them with love and the eyes of a proud parent he never saw directed to him, watch them both receive the love he craved so desperately from his father. Left him to envy his brothers yet grow jealous as that jealousy turns to a small flame of hatred growing steadily as time passes leaving him to make his final decision.

No longer will he be known as Theseus but as the Amazing Tommyinnit who could do anything who will prove his former family wrong and show he is better than what they think.

Which leads him to where he is now, a runaway prince who finds a new family brought together by hardship and their love of traveling the endless seas.

AKA :

16 yr old Prince Theseus changes his name to Tommyinnit and runs away from his royal family who neglected him and finds a real family on a ship who just so happened to be pirates as well.

TW: Isolation, Mention of a Minor Character Death, Running Away, Royal AU, Hybrid Tommy, SBI, Neglect, Pirates, Found Family, Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Magic.

Therapy Marriage: Okay, I'm adding this one for some Wholesomeness, and Fluff with some Angst but there should be a Happy Ending!

Summary: but for some reason, tubbo (and possibly ranboo, although he doubted this was his idea) had got it into his head that tommy needed therapy or some shit.

which, fine, maybe he had a little bit of an issue. he did freak out at damage, and weapons, and he had reached out to puffy, but he was okay! he didn’t need tubbo to pity him.

but- here was where the weird part came in- tubbo wanted tommy in his marriage.

TL:DR Tubbo wants to help Tommy and decides that the best method is by marrying him as well. Ranboo just goes along with it.

*****

Okay, this post has gotten very long! I do apologize for that! So, I'll add others to another Post!

[chidoroki]

Norman - 22194

March 21st is here and it’s time for yet another birthday post. I already rambled on about Emma and Ray on their special days, so now it’s finally time to complete this full-score tradition with Norman. It might not be as detailed or long as the other two, since he was absent for a good chunk of the story, but it doesn’t make him any less important! I’ll be honest now, the boy isn’t my favorite character (he doesn’t place anywhere in my top ten for this series either) so I probably missed some moments worth mentioning but I did my best to praise this child anyway!

(spoilers for the entirety of The Promised Neverland, so if you haven’t read/completed the manga yet, consider this your first warning, because I’m once again going from start to finish with this.)

Since I want to stay consistent with the other two posts, this will focus on the manga timeline, as season 2 is, well.. it’s own thing. I’ll mention some things but don’t count on much. With that, let’s go.

- He achieves a perfect score on Grace Field’s daily tests, alongside Emma and Ray.

- He is, without a doubt, the smartest kid the house has ever seen, as he passes each test flawlessly and has maintained a 300 average.

- He’s a complete strategist who is capable of achieving victory (even in something simple as tag) by observing his opponents moves and analyzing their weaknesses in order to counter.

- Knows how to pick locks. The scene from ch1 was left out but we see him doing so later on in ep02.

- Stays relatively positive and calm after learning about the truth of the farm.

- Even going as far as giving Emma a reassuring smile, which I think is impressive given the literal nightmare fuel they’ve just witnessed. 

- I’m giving him half credit for suggesting the idea of there being tracking devices, since anime has him reveal this possibility while in manga it’s Emma.

- Both of them realize what determines the shipping order and that the demons favor their brains.

- This silly panel that I love dearly.

- Made sure to do a sweep of the entire house beforehand to make sure their escape planning doesn’t get pick up on.

- Figures out that Isabella only knows the children’s locations when she checks the tracker and that it can’t identify who is who.

- Has the nerve to lie right to Isabella’s face.. not that she believes it, but still gutsy nonetheless.

- Knowing the house probably wouldn’t have any rope, it was his idea to use the spare tablecloths.

- Had a feeling that Ray would reveal the harsh reality of how dangerous it would be to escape with all the children, which turns out to be correct.

- His laugh in ep02 is so precious.

- This statement being 100% accurate.

- Manages to convince the logical Ray, who we know now has spent many years coming up with a solid, safer escape plan, to join in and assist with their crazy and reckless plan instead. Having Ray on their side also grants them many advantages.

- Absolutely hates to lose, which is a good mentality to have in a world where your life is a stake and your time is limited, which eventually leads him to consider every possible opportunity to stay ahead of his enemies throughout the remainder of the story.

- Realizes that the trackers must only send out a signal upon being broken, which we found out to be true in Ray’s one-shot chapter.

- - Him looking completely terrified in this panel.

- He managed to catch all the Grace Field kids in a game of tag even after they received advice from Ray about how to survive longer.

- The goddamn intimidating energy he gives off here is fantastic.

- Despite his body being physically weak, he manages to survive and win against Krone during their game of tag.

- Just like Ray some couple chapters ago, Norman is completely serious about this idea.

- Suspects there’s a traitor among the kids and swiftly comes up with a plan to lure them out.

- This panel of him “dead” from the first side story.

- He has a feeling the spy is Ray, so he moves up the day of the escape to catch him off guard and send him into a panic.

- Even though the anime didn’t include it, he managed to throw off Krone as well with some fake footprints to keep her off their backs.

- Was honestly considering on leaving the spy behind while the rest of them escaped, though he doesn’t seem real happy about the idea, considering the traitor is Ray.

- His plan on fishing out the spy was flawless as he finally calls Ray out by revealing that the information he gave about the ropes and where he hid them were fake locations.

- Not only was Ray the first one Norman suspected, but he caught onto him way back when Krone first came to the house. All the information Ray was feeding them helped Norman come to this conclusion as well.

- Along with Emma’s words about believing that no one in their family is truly bad, Norman refrains from cutting Ray off to allow him to become their trump card. This was a risky move itself, knowing Ray could sell both him & Emma out at any time. Norman tends to prioritize victory, so while staying alive is absolutely necessary and that could’ve been achieved without Ray (as he could’ve just used Ray then ditch him later), he still decides to make the offer as realizes that in order defeat Isabella, Ray’s full cooperation is essential.

- Realizes that it was Ray who hid Little Bunny in the first place and lead Norman and Emma to investigate the gate that night, which leads him to believe that Ray isn’t really an enemy.

- He’s also left handed. Yes, that’s important. Not only for later in the story but because we’re superior. I’m sorry y’all had to find out this way. 

- This stupid, little face he makes.

- Suspects that Ray doesn’t actually plan on escaping at all and intends to kill himself.

- Just like Emma and Ray, Norman also recognizes and understands morse code.

- Look at this precious child, not even angry after getting punched and knocked over. (because i certainly would be)

- Finds Ray’s hidden supply of oil which confirms the method for his future suicide. This also helps Norman later on when he comes up with a refined escape plan by using the fire Ray plans to start.

- Figures out Krone’s true intention about why she wants to join forces with the kids in the first place. 

- He ends up accepting Krone’s offer anyway, because despite the large risk, any information that can snag out of her would benefit them.

- You mad lad, look at you, taunting the bringer of death yet again while a smile on your face.

- And he still manages to find some strength to smile while upon death’s door.

- Not for long though, as once he’s given the chance to be alone, he finally breaks down. Having the cup overflow with water really helps demonstrate how impactful the thought of dying hit him as Norman was overcome with so many emotions that he didn’t even have the strength to hold onto the cup or his facade. It’s then he starts to feel scared and sorry for himself but away from Emma and Ray’s eyes as to not worry them.

- His entire internal monologue as he comes to terms with his unfortunate situation and flips back to his determined “I can’t lose” attitude to help everyone else escape. Also, his theme ‘22194’ hits especially hard.

- For someone with weak, physical abilities, he manages to climb the wall on his own.

- Though the cliff stopped his escape, he used that opportunity to survey the surrounding area of the entire farm to rely his findings to the duo and provide them a safer escape route.

- Completely adamant about his decision to accept his shipment in order to give the rest of his family a chance to escape. (hell, id’ be terrified right now)

- This hug that is sure to break everyone’s hearts.

- Quick to react to Emma’s last ditch effort and prevented her from slamming her already busted up leg into the ground.

- Not only did he predict that Ray would start a fire to distract Isabella and on which day, he also left behind the pen and key he received from Krone along with a new, detailed plan (which he managed to come up with in only a few hours by the way) that would allow the kids to cross over the cliff.

(post season one spoilers below. again, focusing on the manga timeline, so any new season 2 events will be mentioned sparingly.)

- Like Ray, Norman was able to figure out how the pen worked well enough to see Minerva’s message regarding B06-32.

- Since he doesn’t show up again for quite some time post-escape, there isn’t much to talk about.. but at least I can make fun of him thanks to extra pages, like how he wouldn’t have enough strength to use a bow.

- But hey, props to s2ep10 for actually giving us Norman shooting an arrow. He was pretty decent with it too, as he hit his target on the first try behind a darn smokescreen. The manga did show him holding a bow in ch161, but that’s it.

- Not relevant to the actual story at all, but his smarts certainly make anything possible.

- I’m sorry but these tiny failures of his bring me great joy.

- Though the tests at Lambda are harder than those at Grace Field, Norman still managed to get every question correct. Every single day he was there. Even when the facility manages to increase the difficulty of the tests, he continues to pass each one with flying colors.

- Since he noticed someone who’s right handed also takes the same tests he does, he makes an attempt to communicate with them via a Rubik’s cube. He waits patiently for five months until he finally gets a response from Vincent around Christmas 2046. 

- Dealt with the experiments/drugs that were forced onto him and the seizures that resulted from them.

- Even with the tight security and surveillance, he somehow acquired explosives and successfully blow up Lambda and escapes with the survivors.

- Again, not significant to the story, but seriously dude? You just fainted and yet you still get this crazy question right effortlessly?

(post time-skip)

- Contacts Lucas moments before the B06-32 shelter gets blown up and gives him the numeric code that eventually leads Emma’s group to the “Jaw of Lion.”

- Destroyed numerous mass production farms since his escape from Lambda.

- As well as save countless children from other farms and used the Paradise shelter found by Smee’s network to give them a sense of safety and taste of a normal life.

- The darn glow-up he receives, like sweet lord child, are you sure you’re still 13??

- - His cute, squishy cheeks though!

- He may look like he’s in his thirties, but still has the strength of a child. (see anime? this is how strong ray’s slap should have been!)

- Learned a great deal of demon history and gave that lengthy lesson about the demon’s genetics and how they inherit the characteristics of whatever they eat and evolve accordingly. 

- With Emma’s wish about saving everyone and lively happily still on his mind, he thought of a safe and certain method in order to create such a future for all the children raised as food.. which ends up being complete extermination of all the demons caused by a civil war. His plan also includes ending the Ratri clan as well. How cheerful.

- Are you surprised to learn that Norman getting tackled by the younger kids is my favorite panel of him?

- You weak, little bean, I’m sorry I enjoy making fun of you so much.

- Successfully forms an alliance with Lord Geelan and his clan by offering revenge on the royal family, the five regent houses, as well as the Ratri clan, thus putting Geelan in full control. In return, it would grant Norman the full release of farm children, permission to self-govern and some much needed power in terms of demon strength.

- He knows full well that the entire alliance is a lie and both parties are only using each other, though in works in his favor, as it will send the demons to destroy each other without the lose of any human lives.

- This absolute powerful panel that the anime decided “nah, we’re gonna change this too” because they’re cowards.

- Narrowed down possible locations on where to find Sonju and Mujika. Sure it was with the intention of killing our demon friends but his map was accurate.

- Survived who knows long with his seizures at level 4, and because of his severe condition, he’s completely set on following through his plan and succeeding before his time runs out.

- Seems to enjoy blowing stuff up, such as the imperial city’s bridges to send the place into a panic and trap all the citizens.

- Advised the Lambda crew on how to effectively fight against the queen by attacking relentlessly.

- Let loose a poison that causes not only normal demons to degenerate, but the royal family as well, such as the five regent heads and the queen who’s name is too long and complicated for me to ever remember, who all have the cursed blood. (at least that’s how effective it was in manga, in anime it did absolutely nothing to vylk)

- He somehow managed to learn, speak and understand the demon language, which, according to Shirai (vol16 author notes), is actually an uncommon language nowadays. (and we’ll unfortunately never know how this language actually sounds, thank anime..)

- Do I even praise him for killing a demon and well.. all this? Sure in the anime he tried killing Vylk, but old demon was fair more innocent compared to the royal family, so I have no idea.

- I will give season 2 some credit and say I prefer their take on the “right now you look like a small child, shaking with fear” panel.

- But not too much credit, as they didn’t give us the full trio hug as the manga did!

- Then again the anime did have him about to apologize to Vylk and Demon Emma for his actions, which is something, I suppose? since in ch154 he says he didn’t regret killing the queen and royals, which I guess is justified because they were the bigger problem, but oh well.

- Might have apologized to Ayshe for killing her father? Can’t be sure but that’s the unanimous consensus in the fandom right?

- Instantly comes up with counter moves and directions for the entire group upon hearing the enemies locations from Vincent during the GF raid.

- I honestly can’t look at this panel anymore and not laugh about it.. because reasons.

- He just keeps on winning. (also he looks real good here, i’ll give him that.)

- He and everyone else are skeptical about there being no “reward,” and for rightfully so.

- Upon learning that Emma is missing after everyone crossed over to the human world, they all adopt her optimistic attitude and swear to find her no matter where she might be.

- After a stressful two year search, the kids finally find Emma and Norman is so overcome with emotion that he busts out into tears of joy, despite finding out that she lost her memories due to the reward. All that matters to him is that Emma was safe and happy and he accepts her just the way she is.

And I guess.. that’s it. I’m sorry again, I know this is truly the weakest post out of the trio and I have no doubt I glanced over a whole bunch of great moments but it still had to be done! Making fun of him probably wasn’t the best thing to do on his special day either, but I assure you this child is very powerful. Who else do you know that is capable of sending an entire fandom into a panic and rage furiously by just simply showing up?

Ah ha okay, now I’m done. In all seriousness though, this lad is great and through everything he has endured, he definitely deserves to be celebrated today, so happy birthday to our boy Norman!

[yandere-daydreams]

okay, hold on a minute, you have got to write about shigaraki with traumatized all might's darling now

This concept (and AU, I guess) is kind of explained in this post, but all you really need to know is that Pro-Heroes have poor coping mechanisms, their Darlings are full of hate, and the Villains make tragically good therapists.

TW: Mentions of Abuse, Implied Gaslighting, and Mentions of Suicide.

~

It would’ve been easy to kill you.

Shigaraki didn’t try to avoid the thought, accepting it as readily as took in the temptation to execute his newly-formed plan. You hadn’t moved as he approached, you hadn’t even looked up, never budging from your spot at the end of the alleyway, only crouching down and curling into yourself, your knees pressing into your chest by the time he reached you. Shigaraki had recognized you immediately, but there wasn’t a person in the goddamn city who wouldn’t.

All Might had never been shy about showing off his beloved, reclusive sweetheart. Every Villain in the city fantasized about ripping that strained smile of you precious little face. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Shigaraki asked, if only to pull himself out of his thoughts. At the sound of his voice, you glanced up, briefly meeting his eyes before your gaze fell back to the cement. If you were going to speak, you weren’t going to do it soon, sitting patiently and pulling your legs a bit closer.

Like you were waiting for something.

“Are you ignoring me, fucking brat?” His tone was frustrated, annoyed, but again, you failed to react, staring blankly. Shigaraki reached out, grabbing your wrist, his hold incomplete but hopefully, tight enough to get your attention. “Listen, I don’t know what kind of shit that Hero tells you about people like me, but what I’m going to do will be a lot worse if I don’t get some fuking answers-”

“Please, kill me.”

The words caught Shigaraki off-guard, the boy flinching at the nothingness in your voice. But, you were looking at him now, eyes just as devoid of anything as… the rest of you, he guessed. He opened his mouth, a scowl quickly etching itself into his expression, but you spoke before he had the chance to. “Shigaraki Tomura, your quirk destroys whatever you touch, Toshinori told me,” You explained, thrusting your arm towards him. He grabbed your elbow, unsure of what to do, but you didn’t seem satisfied with his half-hearted attempt to stop you. “Do it! I’m outside, and I’m not supposed to be! I’m going to hurt someone!”

“You’re going to hurt yourself!” Shigaraki fell into your temper easily, standing and dropping the arm you’d forced into his hands. He didn’t know what he planned to do, whether he wanted to kick you or leave or stick around to know what the hell you were talking about, but he knew his rage only grew as you stood. He took a step back, ready to walk away and blow off steam, to let Kurogiri do something about you later, but you only glared and moved to follow him. “Fuck off! What kind of crazy bitch are you?”

You grit your teeth, your fists balling at your sides. “I’ll hurt someone if I don’t go home, and I can’t go home, because then Toshinori will hurt me. I’m… it’s stupid, and I can’t do it again and you need to kill me, now.” You paused, forcing yourself to take a breath, your shoulders shaking with either anger or fear, he wasn’t sure. Shigaraki was still processing what you’d said when you continued, biting down on his cheek to keep himself from making this a much louder problem than it had to be. “You know what, fuck it. I’ll find something high and jump off. Thanks for nothing, Handjob.”

He let you walk towards the main road, standing in place, alternating between scratching at his neck and digging his heel into the ground. It was the first time he’d gotten a good look at you, the first time he’d seen how stiffly you carried yourself. Your clothes looked expensive, but there was too much lace and too little covered for the outfit to ever be worn outside, and your left leg dragged behind you, the streetlights revealing uncomfortably fresh scaring around your knee. You’d shoved your hands into your pockets, your head lowered, and… fuck, you weren’t even wearing shoes. He noticed your ankle, too.

Or more importantly, the broken shackle around it.

Shigaraki ran after you without thinking about it, sliding off his jacket as he reached your side. The trenchcoat was draped over your form with a mumbled warning, Shigaraki swiftly positioning himself at your side. “Your quirk. Is that why you think you have to off yourself?”

You stopped, going a little more rigid than you had been. “It’s dangerous. Toshi’ said I shouldn’t use it.”

He didn’t give you an option, grabbing your hand, carefully resting your palm in his. “Show me.”

You were hesitant, biting your lip, but your reluctance only lasted through one of Shigaraki’s muffled growls. Silently, you lifted your hand, bring your fingers to his wrist and letting them brush over his skin, barely making contact before tiny, nearly invisible threads began to swarm where you’d touched him. In less than a second, the threads had thickened and taken shape, turning into thin, dark green sprouts, vines soon circling and clamping around his arm, small blooms and flowers chasing your fingertips as you pulled away.

It didn’t hurt. There was a light, warm itch, but you hadn’t even managed to cut off his circulation. The plants were beautiful, brightly colored and soft and beautiful, but from the look on your face, Shigaraki would’ve thought you’d ran over his dog. “It’s… I’m so sorry, I know it burns. I can’t really control it. Can you still feel your hand? I’m sorry, he told me how much it hurts, I’m so sorry-”

“He lied.” Shigaraki flexed his wrist, the vines breaking easily as it bent. You didn’t try to contradict him, only watching as he tore through your oh-so dangerous creations with little more than a sigh and a stretch. “I’m taking you somewhere underground, the League has a hideout a couple of blocks away. All Might can send his NPCs, but you’ll be safe for as long as you need to be.”

He was sure you tried to refuse, stammering out something incoherent and trying to explain why he was wrong, what All Might had told you, how you shouldn’t be away from the one place everyone else is safe from you, but Shigaraki had stopped listening after he stopped talking. He didn’t know what bullshit All Might had filled your head with, but he didn’t really care.

It was a problem that could wait. All Might could wait.

Getting you inside before you froze to death was Shigaraki’s first priority, right now.

[kjack89]

11 :)

Me, using a completely innocuous prompt for something super self-indulgent? It’s more likely than you think.

E/R, Modern AU, established relationship. CW for mentions of suicide attempts, suicide ideation, and depression. 

For everyone who’s struggling right now.

11. Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.

Grantaire knew it was morning without opening his eyes, and not just from the faint sunlight he could feel filtering through the blinds to play across his face. He also knew from the fingers he could feel skimming up his side, and the lips pressed against his shoulder. “Mmm,” he murmured, turning over, his eyes still closed, and he reached out automatically.

“Good morning,” Enjolras muttered sleepily as Grantaire drew him close, and Grantaire’s lips curved into a smile, his fingers lightly brushing against the light stubble he could feel along Enjolras’s jaw. He knew if he opened his eyes, he would never see it, since Enjolras’s hair was so light.

But he sure as hell could feel it, and it was as much a revelation that morning as it had been the first time they’d done this, over a year ago now.

His nose brushed against Enjolras’s, and for one brief moment, they breathed the same air before their lips met. As much as Grantaire had always dreamed of hot, passionate kisses exchanged after one of their many fights, nothing could compare to gentle morning kisses.

It was the absolute best way to wake up in the morning. And Grantaire wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He finally opened his eyes, blinking a few times to focus on Enjolras, his smile widening. “There you are,” he murmured, leaning in and kissing him again.

Enjolras returned his kiss for a moment before pulling away, the blanket slipping down to reveal his pale skin, and Grantaire tracked the motion with hungry eyes, already planning on a reprise of the previous night’s activities.

But before he could get too distracted – before all his blood could rush somewhere more south – Enjolras’s brow furrowed, and Grantaire’s smiled faded slightly. “Uh-oh,” he said, his voice low. “That’s never a good sign.”

Enjolras scowled. “What’s not a good sign?” he asked.

“The premature worry wrinkles on your forehead.” Enjolras looked briefly affronted before, with seemingly considerable effort, his expression evened and his worry lines smoothed out. “That’s better,” Grantaire said with a smirk. “So what’s going on?”

“How are you?”

Grantaire blinked, taken aback by the question. “Well, I’m in bed with you, so how do you think?”

For some reason, his answer caused Enjolras’s forehead to crease again. “No, that’s not – I mean, how are you?”

“I was doing a lot better before you asked me that,” Grantaire said, eying Enjolras warily, the warm, contented feeling he’d woken with fading rapidly. “What’s going on?”

Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “You’re deflecting.”

Grantaire just arched an eyebrow at him. “Pot, meet kettle.”

Enjolras sighed, skimming his fingers up Grantaire’s side again, seemingly more interested in watching the way his pale fingers looked against Grantaire’s darker skin than in meeting Grantaire’s eyes. “I’m worried about you,” he admitted quietly.

“Mmm,” Grantaire murmured, his expression unreadable, and he caught Enjolras’s hand with his own. “Have I done something recently to make you worry?”

Enjolras snorted lightly and gave him a look. “I mean, you always do something to make me worry.”

Grantaire half-smiled. “I am quite gifted in that regard.”

“But in this case, it’s less of what you’ve done and more…”

Enjolras trailed off, and Grantaire propped himself up on his elbow, frowning down at Enjolras. “More what?” he asked. 

After worrying his lower lip between his teeth for a moment, Enjolras finally blurted, “You’ve been in a really good mood recently.” 

“And that’s a cause for concern.”

Grantaire didn’t pitch it as a question, but Enjolras still shrugged in response. “It could be,” he said quietly. 

“What in the world makes you think that?” Grantaire asked, trying not to sound as exasperated as he felt at his good mood rapidly fleeting.

Enjolras met his eyes. “Because it’s happened once before,” he said, harsher than he likely intended, and Grantaire flinched and looked away. “Where you seemed like you were in a very good mood. And instead…”

“Instead I wound up in the hospital on a 72 hour involuntary hold,” Grantaire finished quietly. “Because I tried to kill myself.”

The silence that stretched between them was absolute, and Enjolras swallowed hard as he looked away. “Right,” he said. “And now, with everything going on in the world, I can’t help but worry that…”

He trailed off, but Grantaire knew exactly where he was going. “That because of a pandemic and a looming recession and not having a job for over six months now, my depression has gotten bad again, and I’m hiding it from you,” he said, nodding slowly. “I guess I can’t really fault you for that leap.”

Enjolras cocked his head slightly. “Is it really a leap?”

Grantaire returned his look with one of his own. “What makes you think that it isn't? Other than my preternatural good mood.”

“Because so many people are hurting now,” Enjolras said, his voice low. “So many people who haven’t been through what you’ve been through. So it only stands to reason—”

“Depression doesn’t quite work like that,” Grantaire interrupted, his voice even. “Logic doesn’t account for much here. And I’m in a very different place now than I was back then.” He took Enjolras’s hand again, lacing their fingers together. “I was really lucky, Enj. My attempt didn’t work. And because of that, I got help, pharmaceutical and otherwise.” He raised Enjolras’s hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “So, yeah, things are pretty fucking bleak, and I definitely don’t judge anyone who’s struggling right now. But I’m very lucky to not be one of them.”

Though Enjolras nodded, he didn’t quite look convinced, and Grantaire sighed. “What?” he asked tiredly.

A muscle worked in Enjolras’s jaw before he blurted, “How?”

“How what?”

“How are you not struggling?”

Grantaire stared at him. “I don’t follow.”

Enjolras gestured helplessly. “With everything going on in the world...do you just not feel it?” he asked, a desperate edge to his voice. “How do you, of all people, hear everything on the news, and Twitter, and in our Les Amis meetings, and not just want to give up?”

“Me, of all people?” Grantaire repeated quietly. “Do you...do you want me to be struggling?”

Enjolras’s eyes widened. “No, of course not,” he said immediately. “That’s not– I didn’t mean it like that. I just…” He broke off, looking almost frustrated. “I guess I’m just curious why you aren’t as affected as other people.”

Grantaire paused, considering it. “I guess it’s because I’ve been through this already,” he said slowly. “The isolation, the despair, the feeling like nothing is ever going to get better...It’s not new to me. So it’s easier.” He huffed a dry, humorless laugh. “I mean, it’s not easy watching the world fall to shit, especially on this scale, but I’ve still been here before. I know that it does get better. So watching other people struggle with the same things I did...it doesn’t make me want to give up. It makes me want to show them that it can get better.” He shrugged, reaching out for Enjolras’s hand again. “It’s not gonna get better in the same way for everyone, and for some folks, things may never be the same, but things will still get better. And knowing that I can help other folks realize that...for me, that’s enough.”

Enjolras nodded, his expression oddly closed. “I guess I didn’t think of it that way.”

Grantaire searched his expression for a moment. “Can I be honest about something?” he asked quietly.

Enjolras looked up at him. “Of course,” he said.

Grantaire wet his lips almost nervously. “I think you do want me to be struggling.”

Enjolras dropped his hand, and it took everything in Grantaire not to immediately reach for it again. “The only thing that I want is for you to be happy,” Enjolras said, a hard edge to his voice. “I thought you knew that.”

“I do,” Grantaire said. “But I also think that I were struggling, it would be easier for you.”

Enjolras stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, then you wouldn’t be alone,” Grantaire said softly. “You wouldn’t be the only one who was struggling.”

Enjolras went very still, his expression dark. “I don’t...I don’t know what you mean,” he said stiffly.

Grantaire cocked his head. “Don’t you?”

“No!” Enjolras said, too loudly and too quickly to be sincere, and he looked away, his cheeks red. “I mean...no. I’m not...not like you were.” Again, his tone was harsh, but Grantaire didn’t take it personally, just watching him closely. “I don’t want to kill myself.”

“Ok,” Grantaire said evenly. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not struggling.”

“Everyone’s struggling,” Enjolras snapped. “Anyone who pays even an ounce of attention realizes that.”

Grantaire nodded slowly. “Maybe,” he agreed. “But not everyone is struggling to the same extent. Not everyone stays up late at night working on untenable solutions to unbearable problems just to give themselves something to do and a reason to not feel useless.”

Again, Enjolras went very still. “You don’t...you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. “That’s...if you think that’s what I’m doing here, you clearly have no idea—”

Grantaire held his hands up in a gesture that was equal parts soothing and defensive. “Maybe I don’t,” he said. “But maybe it’s time that you tried talking to someone about it.”

Enjolras’s lip curled. “I don’t need to talk to someone,” he said dismissively. “I don’t – it’s not – I don’t need help.”

“There’s nothing wrong with needing help,” Grantaire said quietly.

“I know that,” Enjolras snapped. “I donate monthly to the suicide prevention hotline for that very reason.”

“You do?” Grantaire asked, momentarily distracted.

Enjolras frowned. “Of course. Because of what could have happened to you.”

“I– That’s very sweet,” Grantaire said, and he leaned in and kissed Enjolras on the forehead before sighing, running his fingers lightly through Enjolras’s sleep-snarled curls. “But I have to be honest, the fact that during this conversation you went straight from me suggesting that you might be struggling to suicide has me really worried.”

Enjolras’s eyes widened. “I don’t want to kill myself,” he said firmly. “I swear to God, Grantaire—”

“That’s not the only thing I’m worried about,” Grantaire interrupted. “I’m worried that you think that struggling only looks like being suicidal.” He paused, looking at Enjolras closely. “I’m worried that you don’t think you need help just because you don’t want to kill yourself, no matter how much you may be struggling.”

Enjolras couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. “That’s not why I don’t think I need help,” he muttered, trying less like he was trying to convince Grantaire and more like he was trying to convince himself. “I– There are so many people who are so much worse off. I have my health, my job, the man I love, the work I love…”

“And you are surrounded everyday by people who have lost everything, by our democracy crumbling around us, by a corrupt system that lets cops get away with murdering unarmed Black and Brown men, by the despair that there is so much that we can’t do to help those who are so much worse off,” Grantaire said softly. “That would take a toll on anyone.”

Enjolras managed a small, sad smile. “Well, there is that.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “So you think I need help.”

Grantaire nodded. “I think at the very least, you should talk to someone.”

Enjolras smiled again. “I’m talking to you,” he said, nudging Grantaire lightly.

But Grantaire didn’t smile. “I meant a professional.”

Enjolras made a face. “You want me to see a shrink?”

“I want you to talk to a mental health professional, yes.”

“I prefer talking to you,” Enjolras said, leaning in to kiss Grantaire, but Grantaire stopped him.

“No.”

Enjolras frowned. “No what?”

Grantaire took a deep breath. “I love you,” he said, searching Enjolras’s expression for understanding. “And if you asked it of me, you know that I would try to be that person for you. That I would listen to you, for as long as you needed. That I would...I would bear it for you, as much as I could, to make it easier for you. To help you.” Enjolras’s brow was furrowed and Grantaire took another deep breath, steeling himself for what he needed to say. “But that might actually break me. I’m not strong enough for that, Enjolras. I still struggle sometimes, too – a lot of the time, if I’m being honest – and it takes everything that I have to keep going. If you put all of that on me, I’d have nothing left for myself.”

Enjolras reached out, taking both of Grantaire’s hands in his. “I would never, ever ask you to do that,” he said, his voice low.

“And that’s why you need to talk to someone else.”

Silence stretched between them again, but it was a different kind of silence now, both men coming to a tentative understanding. “Do I have to agree to this right now?” Enjolras asked finally.

Grantaire barked a laugh and shook his head. “You don’t have to agree to this at all if you don’t want.”

Enjolras looked surprised. “You’re not going to make me get help?”

“Enjolras, if I thought I could make you do anything…”

Enjolras grinned. “Fair.”

“But just know that when you are ready to get help,” Grantaire continued, squeezing his hand, “when you’re done with struggling with this on your own, I’ll be here to help.”

“Yeah?”

There was something almost desperate in Enjolras’s voice and without hesitating, Grantaire leaned in and kissed him. He rested his forehead against Enjolras’s, starting to say something but stopping, a small smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. Enjolras nudged him. “What?”

“Nothing.” Enjolras gave him a look and Grantaire laughed lightly. “Nothing, really. It was going to be nerdy.”

“Which is so completely out of the ordinary for you,” Enjolras said dryly.

Grantaire laughed again and kissed Enjolras once more. “Just...I meant what I said before. I can’t carry it for you. But I can carry you. Or at least help to.”

Enjolras snorted softly. “Lord of the Rings,” he said with a sigh. “I should’ve known.”

Grantaire grinned. “Not the first time I’ve been the Sam to your Frodo.”

“Genuinely cannot tell if I’m supposed to be flattered by that comparison or not.”

“Anyone’s guess, really,” Grantaire said with a laugh.

But Enjolras did not laugh, just leaning in again to kiss him once more. “I love you,” he said, suddenly serious. “And...I can’t promise…”

“I know,” Grantaire said, because he did. “I’m not going anywhere regardless.” He kissed Enjolras, trying to put everything he couldn’t bring himself to say into the kiss, and mostly trying to tell him that he wasn’t alone, that if Grantaire had his way, he never would be. “And I love you, too.”

[harderbetterfasterstarker]

endless

oops my hand slipped and i wrote a very sad drabble that’s just tony missing peter, reflecting on it during the Blip, set pre-as if even now. read it on ao3 here, and if you haven’t, read as if even now (if only to get to their happy ending, i wrote an absurdly fluffy epilogue drabble for them damnit). preemptive tw that this fic reflects on a time where tony was suicidal, and thoughts and attempts are referenced. 

The kid had gotten under his skin, into every breath he took, inside his lungs and running through his veins and pumping through his heart, in ways he hadn’t realized until he’d clutched his body as it crumbled to dust. All he’d known was that he’d felt empty in ways he hadn’t since before he’d become Iron Man, back to Earth and spending his days and nights looking for ways to fill the aching chasm that was always threatening to swallow him whole.

Tony has always been, if anything, at least self-aware when it comes to his many and myriad faults. And the truth is that he is a greedy man, never satisfied with what he has, always reaching for the next thing and the next and the next, always wanting what he can’t have, even when (especially when) it’s not good for him. And he knows that this is the truth, even though Pep always just pats him on the shoulder and gives him one of her softer smiles and says that he deserves to be a little greedy, after all he’s done, after all he’s been through. He hasn’t quite figured out how to argue with that one, even though he knows in his gut that he should. At least he hasn’t figured out how to argue without revealing cards he’d rather keep hidden, even from (especially from) Pep.

Because he’d nearly died, had thought he was going to die, and was ready to die. Another of those things he hasn’t quite worked up the courage to tell Pep yet. Her favored narrative, for him and for the press, is that he held on, fought for life, fought to stay with them for her, for Morgan. Morgan—Christ. So how is he supposed to tell Pep that he’d been lying there, fighting for consciousness through the pain clawing its way across his entire right side, and in what he’d been certain were his dying moments he’d looked at the kid, really looked at him, remembered the way his hair had smelled of cheap shampoo and sweat and dirt when he’d hugged him tight, here, real, undeniably alive, and thought, Oh. Oh.

And that had been enough.

Tony scrubbed his hands across his face, harsh and hard, as if he could erase the memory of that moment, before he’d felt whatever oddball magic Strange had begun working. What he needed to erase were the memories of the five years before that—or, hell, maybe back further. As if Tony would ever—could ever—try to excise Peter from his mind. He wasn’t even sure that he could, now. The kid had gotten under his skin, into every breath he took, inside his lungs and running through his veins and pumping through his heart, in ways he hadn’t realized until he’d clutched his body as it crumbled to dust. All he’d known was that he’d felt empty in ways he hadn’t since before he’d become Iron Man, back to Earth and spending his days and nights looking for ways to fill the aching chasm that was always threatening to swallow him whole.

After Pep had gotten pregnant with Morgan, he’d once, in a drunken spat of extreme bitterness, accused her of convincing him to retire and have a kid as a replacement for Peter. She’d been so mad at him for that one that she’d just left the house and called Rhodey, told them to call her when Tony was sober again. He regretted what he said, but he noticed that she didn’t deny it.

At least, in her eyes, he’d stopped trying to kill himself by the time Morgan was born, so she could reasonably assume that maybe her plan had worked. Shamefully, not even the idea of leaving his baby girl alone in the world without a father was enough to keep him away from that particular ledge—in fact, what he hadn’t admitted to Pepper was that it made him want to run away more, because if Peter was superhuman and brilliant and good, the best of them, and Tony hadn’t been able to protect him, what could Tony hope to do for this little girl? No, it was Nat who got the credit for ending his run of attempts. Most of his attempts had been thwarted by past Tony, who had dreamed up what felt like a thousand and one protocols and alerts for just this scenario, but the last one it had been Nat to walk into his workshop at just the right (wrong) moment, in what if it had been anyone other than the Black Widow he’d have called a coincidence.

“You’ve gotta talk to someone, Tony,” she’d said once they were settled on the couch in the corner of the lab he slept on most nights.

“You don’t think I do? I’ve seen every shrink this side of the Mississippi and several on the other, I’ve gone to those stupid fucking support groups, and it’s—none of it works, Nat.” He’d been drunk—he was always at least slightly drunk, then—and it made him more open. “It’s all wrong.”

Whenever his therapists asked him to talk about what happened on Titan, he clammed up, spoke in the vaguest of terms. He told himself he was protecting Peter’s identity (even in apparent death) but he knew that wasn’t right. He’d considered that he was trying to avoid admitting just how culpable he really was, for dragging a teenager into this fight, for dragging the best mind of a new generation, the sweetest boy he’d ever known, brash and a bit impulsive but with a heart of fucking gold, and let him die on a godforsaken desert planet with a bunch of aliens, Strange, and a man who thought Footloose was a great movie—because he’d had plenty of experience avoiding admitting truths to himself, and this wasn’t his first therapy rodeo—but deep down he knew that wasn’t right either.

“Have you gone to the right ones?” Natasha had asked softly, looking at him carefully, and he had the unsettling feeling she, as always, saw more than he wanted her to see.

“I’ve been to the general ones, the ones for everyone who lost people in the Blip, to family loss, to the ones for first responders and others who felt helpless, I’ve even been to the groups for parents who lost kids.”

He had—at Pep’s insistence, he’d gone. And it was—better, than the others. The scope of his grief felt… more accepted, there. Less out of touch with the experiences of others. But it still wasn’t—enough. When they talked about the future they’d been robbed of with their children, it was a future they got to watch, moments in their lives that were gone—graduations, weddings, grandchildren. And Tony felt that, all of it, deeply—that he should’ve been there to see Pete graduate, valedictorian, go to college wherever he wanted (MIT, it would’ve been MIT), invent something that floored Tony with his brilliance—but that wasn’t quite it. More than all of that, he missed the time he should’ve spent with the kid and didn’t, missed the idea of years of weekends in the lab spilling out ahead of them, hearing him laugh and seeing him smile. He wished he’d just hugged the kid that time in the car, instead of making everything some joke.

“He was just… you know what he said to me, when I first met him and asked him why he was doing what he did? A broke fourteen year old kid, suddenly has superpowers and instead of being captain of the football team and stealing enough to set them up for life, he’s chasing down muggers in a onesie? He said, when you can do what I do, and you don’t do anything, and then bad things happen, they happen because of you. I mean, Christ, Nat. He was the best of us and I—I lost him, and I—and it feels like I can’t breathe.” He realized that his hand had gone, unbidden, to the shell of where the arc reactor had been, clutching at it desperately. Ripping his heart out would’ve maybe been less painful. Natasha had given him another penetrating look and then, whip sharp and faster than certainly his inebriated brain could keep up with, she’d grabbed him by the chin and turned him to look her in the eye.

“I actually like you, Tony, which is why I will say this. You loved Peter, you really truly did. And when you love someone, and they die, it fucking hurts and it never goes away. I like Pepper, I do, but the house in the country and hanging up the suit and the baby? Those won’t make it stop hurting. That pain lives inside you now, because so did Peter. So the only question is whether you can choose to live with it. Like I said, I like you, so I hope the answer is yes, and I think that’s the answer the kid would want for you. But if the answer is no, you call me. I’ll make it quick, and painless, and tidy, and Pep and the baby would never ever know what it really was.”

For once in life, he’d been speechless, left to stare at the spot on the couch she’d vacated as he considered her words, considered that Natasha had had a life, in Russia, before the Red Room had stolen it from her. Considered whether he’d want Pep to think he’d just… had a heart attack. Gotten old, put too much stress on himself. Considered the kid, wondered if there really was a place you went when you died, what he’d say to Peter.

He’d called Natasha once after that, at 3 in the morning a few months after Morgan was born, when he hadn’t been getting enough sleep and when the silence around the house had felt oppressive.

“Tony,” she’d said, quiet and gentle, the kind of tone she took when she was lulling the Hulk back to peace. “Is this the call we talked about?”

“No,” he’d gasped, scrabbling around the kitchen for the picture of Peter and him together, their fake internship picture. “No, I just… Thanks. Thank you.”

“You already had your heart-to-heart, Stark. Don’t think this is a regular thing,” she’d said, sounding more like herself. He’d snorted, clinging to the sense of normalcy.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Won’t put you on the list for talking about our feelings.”

“Atta boy. And Stark… you’re welcome.”