#or 'wow so much better than me'

[system-of-a-feather]

So the past few days Lucille and Aderis did a "maternal coup" which apparently essentially is just the two of them chilling near the front, taking over in laying down the law on what we are doing and how we are spending out time to help keep me engaged and not dissociating into survival mode to brood on existential crisis-es of being near the end of one of the large pervasive and complex trauma-stressors

And its really honestly helped a lot in grounding me a bit cause I'm starting to get back around to the more adaptive thing and realizing that its actually kinda cool, that soon enough we can secure a good income and between my fiance and us working full time and us entirely skipping the "side mission" of raising children, we basically immediately jump into our "main story goals" being literally whatever the hell we like and want to do / achieve. Everything beyond what is achieved is "extra" cause we had "made it" enough to have relative stability.

From there on out, there isn't this larger need for a why related to survival, but rather just a "why not" and while that still sounds rocky depending on when you ask me, I'm really starting to warm up to it. The sandbox mode of this management sim was originally stressing me out and I thought it would have issues with motivation and all, but I guess I'm learning to answer "why should we" with "why SHOULDNT we" after sitting two days up here with our retired ex-primary protectors and XIV who - together - started talking about 'why not' goals because XIV commented that he needed a stool to sit on for his guitar and Lucille commented that we were likely moving so we shouldn't get one yet and should put it on a list of things we want to invest in.

Its also pretty neat because XIV, Lucille, and I are both really keen on setting money aside in the budget solely to donate to causes that matter, donate to people who need it, and to account in our life style to stay within the comfort levels where we don't have to be stressed or worry about 'if we can afford' giving people / donating money to those that need it more.

And that idea just sounds... kind of neat. In a way it kind of reminds me of when I was on my second / third year of marching band where I was no longer a "baby" and I could start adopting and fostering others while casually building my own interests and goals.

I dunno man, it sounds pretty neat. Of course its contingent on us actually getting a job (which I don't actually worry too much on with how Our System Is) but huh.

We can allocate funds into charity, because why not. We can allocate funds into eventually becoming the parrot behavioral master, because why not.

Our system is so adjusted to having to do everything min-maxed and living with only the bare necessities until like... the past year that the idea of no longer needing to be on bare necessities is just... Wild

It's also just hitting me that for a pair of disabled 22 year olds, my fiance and I have really done really good. I still can't necessarily say if it was worth it because I'm very shocked we are alive with the sheer amount of pressure and sheer lack of self indulgence and self care + the grind we've been on since before I can even remember and how much all of that was sacrificed to "do really good" but damn.

I'll probably spiral back if Lucille let me sit down and dissociate brood for more than half an hour, but I'm starting to - just maybe, accept and enjoy the fact that we.... we maybe... we maybe got it???

[jsvausvqbd]

I can’t shake off just how beautiful the confession scene was. Sun Jae, in the literal face of impending doom, learns not only when he’s going to die but why and although we see that he struggles to grasp the concept of dying, he finds a modicum of solace on Sol, and instead chooses to focus on her. Sun Jae understands that he died saving her/protecting her, and that this whole time she’s been there for him. She’s already seen him die and chose to literally travel in time to save him, what more proof of her love for him could he possibly ask for?

With this, he just says ‘don’t run away from me. Please just like me’ because truly that’s all he wants, Sol is all he’s ever wanted for himself and since now he knows that his feelings are reciprocated and that he’ll eventually die… why not just give in to their feelings while they can?

Sun Jae writing Sudden Shower for Sol and fulfilling his unspoken promises to her over and over again in every timeline is extremely beautiful and gutwrenching to see. Their dating college era may be ephemeral but I’m sure it’ll only make Sun Jae want to wait for Sol even more. All I’m hoping for is a good ending for these two who have gone through a lot for each other

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The Start of the Truth [End of season 1]

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[lunarharp]

pretty & cute witch men

[deoidesign]

I literally just had the thought "I'm sorry I draw so much sexy art" and then I was like what the fuck? No I'm not. You all followed me you know what you're getting into.. you can unfollow me any time you want... What do I have to be sorry about. In fact. You're welcome for all the sexy art. Congratulations you've won by being here and getting to see it.

[misty-wisp]

sumire could've been so much more interesting, like. okay. i get it. kasumi was really nice but at the same time she was insensitive as fuck to her sister and that made her feel like shit 24/7 and you'd think that'd piss sumire off, no? or at least you'd think it'd be made clear that she's not pissed purely because she thinks so lowly of herself. no. she just sings kasumi's praises even with everything in mind.

like. you'd think "hm maybe kasumi wasn't the best sister even though she meant well" no. no she's the perfect person and sumire still loves her and looks up to her well enough to wear her likeness even after accepting herself as sumire post-3rd semester. sumire didn't even like gymnastics as much as her and she obviously had more of an interest in cooking but she's gotta go on to fulfill her sister's dream even though hey maybe that's not what she wants--no that's exactly what she wants it's what the game says can't you read.

idk man sumire continuing to think her sister was perfect and following on with that "dream" of theirs even though it was holding down her mental health doesn't sound much like her rebelling to me. ik her real awakening was meant to be rebelling against maruki's reality but in that case her whole personal deal regarding how she sees herself and kasumi doesn't mean that much. she doesn't get to do her own thing. she has to go and achieve what her sister wanted for her, because god forbid sumire be her own person with her own interests and wants that have nothing to do with her dead sister.

fuck, kasumi could've been more interesting too. she doesn't have to be this perfect, well-meaning sister who did nothing wrong except make an oopsies that got her sister to have a mental breakdown and accidentally get her fucking killed. like, c'mon, you could infer that kasumi may have had her own ego over getting constantly praised for her efforts and skills and maybe that was what got her to be so insensitive to sumire's mental health. maybe she was so far up her own ass she couldn't see how she hurt her sister over the course of them doing gymnastics together because literally all she knew was that praise. maybe the way she was being treated got her to emotionally abuse her own sister without her even realizing it. maybe we could've seen more of how that affected sumire's mental health after her death--oh what's that? she still has to be a perfectly marketable waifu with next to no personality aside from being nice and cute and romantically interested in the protagonist? okay, ATLUS!!

[frobby]

i know that by "pro gamer" it def means that joonghyuk plays shooters or like competitive games but i personally like to hc as a speedrunner. Hes got like world record in mr goobers day off cuz he can do the dookie skip consistently and he got fast sligma on his best time. Hes a gaming icon

[writeouswriter]

Reading a fic that's so well written I wish I could close my eyes and just let the descriptions and atmosphere wash over me, but the dilemma with closing my eyes is, well, I then would not be able to continue reading this fic, now would I.

[peipakao]

various sonic and flash related tweets i made that i think are at least mildly amusing

[gothoffspring]

if there is anyone in the community who i wholeheartedly believe should make six figures a year from modding its littlemssam. this game would be dead and gone without their mods meanwhile some people who just release extremely similar themed packs/EA mesh edits are making like 8k a month 🤡

[ghostiezone]

REQUESTING. GHOSTKICKS MORAILS... looking up at u with my big wet sopping creature eyes. alternately i would LOVE 2 see art of ur fish guy the way u have been talking about his biology is so compelling 2 me. OR tide with weird fish biology also.... ;---;

IM SORRY ROS I WAS GONNA DRAW GHOSTKICKS BUT I GOT TOO CAUGHT UP IN FISH BIOLOGY . YOU GET 2/3

i think triton "hair" is not actually hair and is instead a form of algae . i was in the google doc trenches for like an hour last night about hair algae specifically i wrote 6 paragraphs about it and made up a fake scientific name for it and everything. when it's wet, freshly out of the water, it's slimy and straight and dark in color. after it dries (partially- the roots are still kept wet/alive at the scalp by a triton's natural moisture) it becomes lighter in color and behaves more like a humanoid creature's hair

ALSO TIIIIIDE. im a big "tide can breathe underwater" truther so. he gets 3 pairs of torso gills and one pair of neck gills. bc theyre cool. also partially webbed fingers and his canon ear fins except i made them Bigger :]

[polyamorous-eclipse-federation]

My gift for the @technoblade-gift-exchange !! i was assigned to @simplepotatofarmer who asked for dsmp rivals duo. i hope you like it Loyal!

rambling about headcanons, designs, and my process and stuff under the readmore, because i wanna talk about it but dont want the post to be super long !!

i had originally planned to not have a background and then at the last second i decided to speedrun drawing one in a few hours so um. quality difference but its fine. also unrelated but im pretty sure everything about how i draw animals and anthros makes it very obvious i used to be in the warrior cats fandom lol. anyway onto the designs!!

the gold on techno is scars from the totem at the execution, which i think is a pretty common thing for techno designs. he isnt supposed to be a piglin, but rather similar species of anthropomorphic pig. also his mane and tail fluff are naturally brown but he dyes them pink ^_^ so cool !! um. i maaayyy have forgotten the crown until i was way too far into the piece to add it. haha. oops. pretend its missing because. uuh. hes in a casual outfit. "but he still has the cape" yeah its comfy. "but dream has a mask thats not casual" dream is dream he does Not relax fully ever. see entirely intentional i would never make a mistake.

dream is an original shapeshifter species i came up with because i couldnt decide what i wanted him to be. i havent decided on a name for the species yet but i plan to make almost every solid-color or nearly solid color mcyt into this species. theyre mostly involuntary/unconscious shapeshifters. so like they change slowly over weeks or months to adapt to their surroundings, with little conscious control. basically i wanted him to be like five different things so i shoved them together lol, rabbit ears but in a pattern that looks like an axolotl, a cool tail, TOE BEANS tho you cant see them. this was actually the first time ive ever had a dream design im happy with so thats really nice.

i um. i made full use of my time lol, i spent a bit over a week on the lineart, another week on the coloring, and maybe a week and a half on rendering. unless i suddenly became shit at math(which is possible) that adds up to roughly the amount of time i had to work on it. im really proud of myself actually since i usually take a while to do art, and i wasnt sure i would be able to make something id be happy with in this amount of time. but i did! woah!! this was my first time participating in a fandom gift exchange and it was so fun, and also helped motivate me to draw more instead of getting distracted like i usually do (classic adhd moment) lol. anyway super cool!!

Loyal if u decided to read all this for some reason then again i really hope u like it!! u are so cool and i really love ur rivals duo opinions and creations so i hope u like this! i know theres been shit happening lately, i hope ur doing ok!!

[luminant-lepidoptera]

Scott Pilgrim (2010): Ha-ha, queer people! Get it?

Scott Pilgrim (2023): Queer people! Get it!!

[disastress-i-guess]

Re draw of one of my first pieces of saiki k fanart

Got some watercolours so I wanted to test out the new medium *ba dum tss*

Bonus nonsense under cut

Toris face went through a lot of changes. I actually already posted these but I accidentally deleted the post.

Some 1 am torisai juice for the soul.

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

[crimeronan]

side effect of having my hydroxychloroquine work really well is that i'm forgetting what it felt like to be Really Horrifically Sick. both because of the emotional distance and because of my general memory issues. the memory issues are a LOT worse concerning Times When I Was Horrifically Sick.

so i'm actually pretty grateful to my past self for the amount of time i spent oversharing here. if i scroll back like seven months in my autoimmune tag i can find posts of me essentially going "eh, i'm sleeping for 22 hours a day but i don't really care anymore bc i've accepted i'm gonna die" and "life sux. can't breathe or think or feel my chest but that's constant so i don't wanna go to the ER about it AGAIN" and "docs took 14 vials of blood 4 x-rays several lung images several lung tests and an EKG before i even left the hospital today. even tho they havent gotten my test results back yet" and i'm like god Damn.

I REALLY LIVED LIKE THIS????????