#or - perhaps more realistically - the MC was dying

[alteredphoenix]

Finished reading K.J. Parker’s Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City.

It was...decent. I don’t think it was as good or as acclaimed as the reviews made it out to be. The cast is pretty shallow, all things considered, but at least the intricacies of engineering being fleshed out makes up for it (bit of a slog to go through those passages, though, if you’re not into that sort of thing; maybe it’s the way they were written, but I wasn’t).

Also (spoilers under the cut):

Orhan’s scum, but at least he’s shamelessly honest (and honestly shameless) when he admits that everything he does is to save his own skin, will do what he can to make himself look more heroic and eloquent than he actually is in the story, and shows, a few times throughout the story, he’s willing to betray the people - most of whom don’t like him not just for being white but his decision-making in keeping the City going - he’s been trying to keep from getting slaughtered in the siege just so he doesn’t have to betray and kill his friend (the guy leading the siege).

So I’ve never been happier to have an MC die when Orhan takes an arrow right through the gut in the last couple pages of the (e-)book, when the assault has been thwarted by the Imperial Sixth Fleet. Like, at least when Fire Punch’s MC dies at the end I knew it was a foregone conclusion but at least I felt a little bad for him for all the trauma he went through (that, you know, he didn’t cause). No such thing for Orhan here. Good riddance, I say.

[chynandri]

thoughts on code:realize so far. i really love the found family/friendship in this game. it doesn't feel like these guys are all your love interests but genuine friends who are written to show so much consideration toward mc. and mc has a pretty active role in the story. overall, i feel a good sense of equality between mc and the guys. I chose van helsing’s route first (I have some sort of accidental talent for choosing the most intense characters first lmao)

while i feel the pacing is a bit slow to actually get On to a guy's route, i can appreciate that they wanted to properly flesh out the story and each character to you and how they relate to mc. it's more of a slow burn with the aim of natural relationship progression i think.

van helsing's route (junichi suwabe <3) definitely made me cry a few times lol. van's life is... utterly miserable!! lol there really is a very thin thread between him living and just killing himself cuz god I WOULD if i had to do all the horrible things he did. but i think what this route does well is highlight the cruelty and immorality of the british royal government behind its veneer of sophistication and elegance which is - not too far off from reality. delacroix II is not usually the kind of character i like but, perhaps it's because aventurine is recent in my mind you can't help but feel so bad for the 'last of my kind' characters. they really got across how this is a deeply traumatized child trying to preserve what remains of his people, and a similarly traumatized adult who was forced to commit a massacre of that child's race and lost his own family too. god. they're both victims of the government and their only reason to live is for revenge otherwise there's nothing left... except for each other, and their new found family.

i didn't expect code:realize to get so dark but, this is the best part about otome games so far. the unexpected themes and depth is what i'm here for

But… the reveal that aleister was orchestrating all of van’s misery does kinda detract from possible commentary. He’s just some really messed up guy, also traumatized which probably broke him but like in all the wrong ways. I guess he too is a victim but it’s never really explained? First he said he killed his own family after the massacre, then he cites what sounds like an earlier incident of his family dying as what made him love despair? I’m a bit confused here. While it did add even higher stakes and angst, the lack of explicit explanation/logic for aleister being the twist villain does make the story weaker to me imo.

So in the end I’m not sure how well this sensitive topic is handled? Though van’s frustrating personality and trauma seems realistic even if it makes mc and van’s interactions a bit repetitive. And to me, within the story, it feels fair and most constructive that van lives on to atone for what he did by directly helping the vampire-human relations. And I think Delacroix’s conflicting feelings of wanting him to both die and live is understandable. Considering the vampire race are peaceful in this game, that seems in line with the ideals his father probably upheld.

I’m going on impey’s route now bc the types of characters that appeal to me truly are on two ends of a intensity spectrum lol. Silly guy or extreme suffering guy I like them all. But van’s route being overall so compelling and relevant to mc I do miss him a lot already lol 😔

[hogwartslegacypics]

HL rewrite: instead of Seb casting crucio on MC (he can't in this rewrite, he cares about them too much), or MC casting it on him (the feeling is mutual, so they can't cast it either), MC casts it on themselves while Seb and Ominis are trying to figure out what to do. All of a sudden, they hear screaming coming from behind them, and they find MC lying on the floor. Imagine their shock and horror. The door still opens, and the rest of this quest goes as usual, but now the boys need to carry MC around because they're too weak to stand.

I HC that the cruciatus curse MC/Seb casts is much weaker because neither of them want to hurt each, which is why we see Natty react much more extremely when she gets hit with it from an actual hostile person. So now that MC has cast it on themselves, fully intending to make it work, it hits a lot harder, weakening them severly. I'm still on the fence on whether or not they would take them to the Undercroft or the ROR, or maybe even the nurse (there's an appeal in the boys being desperate to take care of MC, even at the risk of very big consequences.)

Either way, we should have gotten more options during that quest. Well, all quests, really.

omg yes i’ve always wondered what would have happened if they were unable to cast it on each other. like imagine if it took place later in the game when mc and seb are closer and have had more time to bond and/or if mc and seb were in a relationship and were both just straight up unable to cast the curse. they would have been so fucked. that is such a good idea though and i could see one of them attempting to cast it on themselves and perhaps being able to will it to work just by knowing that the only alternatives are dying in that room or hurting the other. i do wonder if they could cast it long enough though because i highly doubt one would be able to continue casting it once the pain hits. if you touch boiling water for example, your immediate instinct is to flinch away. just a second of it may have been enough to trigger the doors to open though.

i think they would take mc to the undercroft and ominis would stay with mc and attempt to comfort them while sebastian sneaks into the restricted section to look for any books that could provide some info or remedies for after the cruciatus curse. no way the restricted section doesn’t have any books about that. i could also see them being so worried that they take mc to the nurse too though. i’ve read a few fanfics where they do that. i can also imagine them being a little concerned for the mc even after they recover too because of the fact that they would have wanted to hurt themselves in order for it to work at all.

i 100% agree with your headcanon! the degree of pain definitely depends on how strong the intent is. seb/mc didn’t actually want to cause pain, they wanted to get out of there alive. it also was their first time casting that curse whereas dark wizards have casted it numerous times. i’m ignoring that the game made it look so effortless for them because they for sure must have had to really will and mentally prepare themselves to be able to cast it. “if i don’t cast this curse on him/her we are going to die in here, so i NEED to cast it.” i wish it would have failed at first too and taken multiple attempts because it would have made it more realistic.

also wanna add a headcanon of mine that i don’t think sebastian was planning on casting it, i think he was planning on enduring the pain. when he said “i know what to do. it’s going to be difficult” i 100% believe he was referring to ominis casting it on him. he wanted ominis to cast it because of experience (also obviously seb wasn’t going to cast it on ominis) and he knew mc didn’t know it. no reason to teach mc if there were two willing participants, and i highly doubt that after convincing mc and ominis to go there with him, he’d expect mc to be the one to take the pain of the curse. then when ominis refused to cast it, seb didn’t just go “well looks like i have no choice but to cast it on you” to mc, but he offered to teach mc so they could cast it on him. when mc has no choice but to be the other participant, he lets mc choose what they’d rather do.

now i’m imagining what if mc didn’t want to learn it and didn’t want to experience it/seb didn’t want to cast it on mc so seb would have to cast it on himself

but yeah i wish we had more options with quests and that our choices would actually make an impact besides just getting a slightly different cutscene or slightly different dialogue. i wanna see the lasting effects of our choices

[thebirdsystem]

Me struggling on what I want Nuru to be personally and hero journey wise…

I want Nuru to be a realist. Like very idk. She sees stars as a real thing that helps her. Nuru always knows where she’s going, that’s includes her destiny. She always knew what was going to happen. She was going to become queen and research the stars to get answers.

But this adventure and the meteor shower and her father’s death seem out of left fields.

I think this makes her fall into an existential dread. She is a princess yes but nothing revolves around her. She is important like a moon is the the earth but she is also a simple rock that was pulled into the orbit compared to the other planets. The huge dread is unreal to her. Like how an asteroid can hit the planet at any second and we could be dead in a millisecond.

I think her journey is understanding yes your not important and it’s ok. Space is nothing. It has so much nothing. But this is something. This is small but ok that it’s small. She can stand up on her feet and help in small ways, because if she went into the library to understand space? She would most definitely die instantly. It’s better to communicate and build bonds. That’s is what her kingdom should do. Move, understand bonds, and accept how things will be to keep living and learning.

Yeah I tried.

Idk i’m trying to tie her to space. Personally and all bc it would be a cool way to tie everything.

It can also lead into more of a war based stance. Perhaps the kingdom of koto isn’t helped out of the danger is because cause it’s a place based in war.

Koto wanting independence and knowledge. So it is given this but where it’s place causes it to always be in poverty. Not tourist because of the danger there.

The kingdom is powerful in the sense it knows how to survive. It has an amazing amount of resources and it is a cunning kingdom. But it is dangerous and people will die. Population will be low because there are no new people and her people are dying out.

Places like the Ice kingdom (where i think Hugo is from.) wants koto’s resources for machinery, but not by trade. By colonization. Harming the culture the more they think that teaching them new things will help. Taking away their culture though this.

I think this would help with the dynamic with Hugo and Nuru. Both teaching each other their sides and understanding they’re both struggling. I think it’s difficult story to write without being super preachy but I think there could be a balance that could be interesting.

TLDR; I just more interesting dynamics bc Hugo and varian are the MCs and they’re ALL THE MCS (don’t get me wrong tho. I fucking long varian n Hugo)

[domthedevil]

hihi!! may i ask for some sub lucifer? an afab reader always used to top the shit out of lucifer in the devildom, and now that she's gone, pridey mcprideface is being driven up the WALL with horniness. a package ends up on the doorstep of hol on his birthday housing a generously realistic adjustable fleshlight, and lucifer reads the note from her in ecstasy.

he doesn't realize there's an aggressive vibrator or a soggy lubricant function tied to pact magic yet..

Your brain:

I absolutely loved this, yes thank you please comeback again djdkkalc. Its a bit of a quickie and I did change some things but I hope you enjoy!

Sounds Like You Miss Me

Lucifer x afab!MC

Warnings: masturbation, sex toys,

Another long day at work, another long day at home, and another long night without you by his side. Lucifer’s stress was beginning to weigh on his shoulders. He missed the long nights of being dominated by you. The way you made him call you master, or when you teased him too far, he missed letting himself go after a long day. You going back to the human realm made him miserable.

Coming home late one night, he found a neglected Akuzon package sitting by the front door. Sighing, thinking it was something Levi was probably dying to have, the eldest brother picked up the box and made his way to his room. Everyone was already asleep so he’d keep the box in his room for now. Mammon hopefully wouldn’t feel bold enough to steal it while it remained in the eldest’s room.

Throwing his coat and tie to the side, Lucifer sat at his desk with a tired slump. A small buzz in his pocket startled him. Not sure what to expect at this hour, he slowly took out his phone. But his mood instantly improved when he saw a text from you.

“Did you get my gift?”

Gift?

Lucifer grabbed the package he’d brought in and read the shipping label. Addressed to him.

“I’m about to open it.” He messaged you back.

Using a letter opener, he cut the thin tape holding the box closed. Rummaging a moment Lucifer found your “gift”. His breath hitch in his throat as he pulled out a rather intimidating flesh light. Grabbing his DDD he frantically began typing.

“What is this exactly?”

“I had something made for us. I thought maybe my good boy missed me a little.”

“Hmph. Good boy? Never heard of him.”

He smiled as he texted with you. The exchange felt like you were right here with him. Like he was just waiting for you to come home and treat him how he deserves to be treated. What he really missed was holding you. Kissing you softly throughout the day. But soon your texts grew more lewd. You teased him. Telling him how much you missed seeing his face twist when he enters you. Or how he moans extra loud when you nibble a spot juuuust beneath his ear. Lucifer in turn played back.

Not realizing how excited he was getting, Lucifer began eyeing the toy you had sent him. Though a little embarrassing, it was oh so tempting.

“Tell me about this...gift.”

“Well...it’s suppose to feel like me.

You should let me know what you think.”

Your second text made his cock twitch. Putting his phone down, he walked away from his desk a moment, removing his belt and his gloves. Trying to do something other than give in to the gift you shamelessly sent him. What if his brothers had gotten hold of this?

Sitting back down at his desk, the top buttons on his shirt came undone as he rubbed at his chest. He was getting warmer, more curious about this toy that was going to feel like you. Palming at himself through his trousers, Lucifer let out a low moan. Maybe he did miss you more than he thought. Slipping his trousers down, Lucifer stroked at himself slowly. He wondered if you’d been touching yourself too. How much your body missed being wrapped around his cock. Did it miss him as much as he missed being under your command?

A single buzz from his DDD broke his concentration.

“Call me...I’ll teach you how to use it.”

How to use it? Lucifer was smart enough to know how to use a sex toy as basic as this. Picking it up, he admired the soft fleshy end of the sleeve. He licked his lips as he noticed some resemblance. But all it did was make him miss your sweet walls around him. Precariously he pressed his tip against the entrance, letting the texture of the folds on the outside tease his shaft before entering the toy. Immediately his phone rang.

“I told you to call me.” Suddenly the toy slipped from Lucifer’s fingers and sank on his dick. Fully squeezing his entire member. “Do you like your toy?”

Lucifer whined at the sudden, pleasurable sensation. The toy seemed wet and slick inside, making Lucifer’s hips shake.

“Hmph, it’s seems to like me. What is this MC?”

“Like I said...a gift.” Lucifer thought he heard a hint of heavy breathing from you. “You must have really missed me to use a toy like this. How cute.”

“You sent it to me...” his dark chuckle was soon interrupted.

Lucifer’s hips jerked as the toy began to slowly move itself up and down his shaft. He couldn’t believe he fell for some enchanted toy. But it felt amazing. The ridges and smooth cushions inside this toy reminded him of you. The sensation almost too realistic. It’s movements were slow but erratic, almost random.

“Sounds like someone really missed me.” Your small laugh over the phone caught his attention again. His moans had been low and breathy, but as the toy picked up speed his voice groaned and sighed heavier.

“Well...you certainly made an impression here.”

“You mean I tamed you? How cute.”

“Hmph. Don’t be so fooli-hnnng!” The walls in the toy tightened around him. Lucifer went to grab the toy to slow it’s pace, but he was met with a strange but familiar force.

“No touching.”

The sweet bondage of your shared pact kept his hand from moving any further. Forcing his hand to his side as the other was left clinging to the phone. The only part of his body that seemed to be able to move was his hips. A low whine slipped through his gritted teeth.

“Good Boy.”

The toy moved at a merciless pace as you listened to him whimper and moan into the phone. It became moist with precum, helping his cock glide and and out of it easily. Perhaps a lot of precum as he felt extremely wet and warm inside this enchanted toy. Your breathing was labored, Lucifer noticed. You must be touching yourself. He thought about your wet heat sucking him in just like this as he began to reach his limit.

“MC...Im going to come.” He tried to hold back any embarrassing noises as he reached the edge.

“So soon? How pathetic. You’ll have to use this toy to train yourself again. I’ll be back eventually...and you’re going to be in for it.”

“Y-yes MC. I’ll train. Just let me come.”

“Shhh...okay. For being such a good boy you can come for me.”

“Th-thank you.” He mumbled his gratitude despite the burning pride he wished to uphold. The sudden release with your permission took his breath away a moment. He even heard your own breath hitch in your throat. It took a moment to catch his breath. Completely taken back by how quick he came and how fast you were able to get him off.

“Mmmm...I’m glad I put this together. I’ll be honest with you Lucifer. That’s not just an enchanted sex toy...”

“I saw. It was made to feel like you. Very realistic.”

“Actually...it’s an exclusive portal, just for you. Whenever I give you permission, you can fuck me through this. If you earn it that is.”

Lucifer sat dazed a moment. That’s why it felt so good. He’d missed the feeling of you so much he must have underestimated how badly he needed to give himself some release.

“I have to say you have impeccable taste in gift giving.”

“I knew you’d like it....I miss you.”

“...I miss you too.”

[daeva-agas]

Ayakashi Koi Meguri/Ayakashi Romance Reborn production behind the scenes (part 8 & 9)

(full series of Behind the Scenes posts)

Part 8 

Artist’s commentary on the “Ten Night of Dreams” event to match the writer’s remarks in the previous one. The character art includes items that are relevant to the stories they’re based on.

Aki’s key item is the dagger, Toto’s is the goldfish, and Aoi’s is the hat (a “Panama hat”)

Koga’s card has white lilies. It’s inspired by the “first night” story of the Natsume Souseki collection mentioned in the previous one. In the story, the narrator was asked by a dying woman to wait for her by her grave. 100 years pass, and a white lily grew on her grave. 

The kanji for lily is 百合, which is shortened from a Chinese phrase meaning “100 years of harmony” (lilies are native to China). 合 in Japanese sounds similar to 会, which means "to meet". So the artist drew this with the image of “waiting to reunite for 100 years”. 

(I have not read the card stories so I cannot confirm what the stories are like)

Part 9: Koga and Kuya behind the scenes. 

Beware of spoilers

Koga

The Ayakoi staff’s goal is to create characters who are cool, but also “human” (relatable) , with realistic weaknesses and struggles. Koga’s design was a reliable leader who is fearless, but also considers himself not worthy to be a “hero”. This characterization makes him someone who embodies the “theme” of the game very vividly. Perhaps it was why they chose him to be the “poster boy” of the game? 

The writer feels a bit complicated with how they didn’t write Koga declare his love more than once. Still, they felt it was more in-character for him to be that way.

They said they got player feedback saying there’s not enough uwu in the route, but according to them it’s because they want to convey love in different ways than just direct “I love you”s or kisses.  The “route” is actually more of a “budding romance”, so the uwu stuff will be more in the events or cards.

In one of the events there is a scene where Koga and MC looks at the sunrise. This midway between light and darkness was something that ties to Koga’s character. He looks forward to the hope like a dawn after the darkest night, full of positivity, but also knowing the inevitable darkness. It’s a particularly poignant scene.

(event was released in Eng around January 2021, forgot the Eng name of the event OTL) The writer commented that the text design had Koga’s horns and a feather, and that was a neat detail. 

Teaser: Koga’s father will be important to the plot somewhere in the future (!!!!)

Kuya

When they were making Kuya the prompts they use was “Trouble child from the mountains” and “really lazy”. 

The image they had was this type of character from shonen manga (why always shonen LOL) that is super lazy, doesn’t look strong, but actually can do a lot of things and is super strong ONCE he stops being lazy. The dynamic with MC is like a “nosey class rep and a lazy troublemaker”

Ayakoi’s cast have a number of people with mature, big brotherly characteristics, but Kuya has a more “smart younger brother” vibes. He’s a bit careless, but not obnoxiously so, and that’s what makes him cute. 

He shines in the first Ayakoi event, the autumn one, where he encouraged the girl who’s looking for a script. He is a kind person after all. In the Dawn routes, Aoi and Kuya also butt heads over differing approach, but they can still understand where the other is coming from because they can understand the good heart behind it.

Kuya really likes ice cream and Ouji’s omelette rice. Writer is like “hehe did I overdo it with the food?” 

(I really hope this gets translated someday BTW... these Behind the Scenes are almost like personal blog posts by the writer and artist, so it’s really better to see a direct translation of how excited and adorable the staff are being)

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

A Cursed Reality (Ch.1)

JJK x Male Reader Insert

[Name] is an orphan. And He's a little unhinged, but what Jujutsu Sorcerer isn't? A cursed speech user like Inumaki, [Name] can manipulate reality and he's heard some rumors. 

-Once again I'm using the power of Allison Hargreeves AKA 'The Rumor' to bring to life a character I'm passionate about. -This one is purely Male Reader and the reader is a going to be a Second Year. -All platonic for now but perhaps a romance in the future -Really powerful MC but he doesn't know how to use his powers to their fullest potential yet

Previous || Next

(cross posted on wattpad and eventually quotev)

Chapter One:

[Name]’s origin story was not that sad. I mean he lost his family in an accident⸺ one that he caused but he doesn’t feel guilty about it. Not in the least. No, really, he only cares a little. That is of course why he still doesn’t speak unless spoken to and has a hard time making friends. Like a normal 16 year old. Normal people can hear voices. Right?

“Live”

“So”

“...”

“Ahem. Why are you here [Full Name]?”

“?”

“Meaning why do you want to learn jujutsu? We won’t just keep you because you’re orphaned. Sorry we’re not that kind of institution.”

‘What am I supposed to say?’ [Name] thought ‘Do they want an innocent response? That I want to save the world? That it was a dying wish? I don’t do dying wishes because honestly, at this point… I just want⸺’ [Name] paused dramatically and for the first time since the chairman started talking (he started with a god awful introduction before the real interview) he looked up

“To fuck shit up” 

“That’s not a bad response”

‘What the fuck. Is he making dolls? Maybe I should get out of here’

“Thanks?”

“You have to be at least a little crazy to survive the jujutsu world. But being batshit won’t save you” the old dude (he’s not that old [Name]) said 

“Yaga sensei is it? I can handle myself” he said before turning around and walking towards the exit

“Prove it” Yaga called out, stopping [Name] in his tracks “stop my cursed doll and I’ll stop bothering you”

[Name] nodded but it seemed as if Yaga wasn’t giving him the chance to say no. The doll was already flying towards him at an alarming speed. 

“Stop”

Yaga’s surprise showed through his glasses.The doll literally stopped mid-air and then dropped to the floor. He had only seen one cursed speech user powerful enough to stop an attack with one word. And how was it that [Name] could hold a regular conversation? What were his drawbacks? To what extent does he want to fuck shit up? Realistically Yaga knew if he trained this boy and he had a sudden change in alliance, there would be hell to pay. The only option was to give him a lightning rod. Something to keep his allegiance tied down. A lighting rod was the kinder metaphor but really the kid needed an anchor.

“Can I go now?”

“... Yes. I’ll have someone show you to your room in a minute.”

[Name] only nodded

“May I ask another question? This time more about your cursed technique”

[Name] hesitated before beginning “I only recently discovered I could do that. The only reason I could do it with one word was because the doll wasn’t very strong” 

Yaga nodded at the explanation thinking that was all there was, but then [Name] drew in a breath and continued “My brother and I had different powers, and we argued about whose was better with him always saying mine was stronger. He had more powers, sorry, cursed techniques than I did, but no matter how many abilities you have, nothing beats reality manipulation” And with a sense of finality [Name] closed his mouth and turned back towards the door leaving Yaga alone to think.

The room [Name] had arrived at was not modest. When you live in an apartment building with your older brother things can feel cramped at times. The walls were bare and there was a window with curtains and a bed pushed up against a wall that connected to the balcony. There was a desk across from the bed and plenty of space to exercise… if that’s what you’re into.

“Here’s your room [L.Name]. A teacher will be coming in to check on you soon and the rest of the first years are down the hall. Welcome to Jujutsu Tech”

“Thanks I guess”

[Name] spent little to no time on decorating his room. It was hard to decorate when you had no belongings. The only thing he wanted to do was get rid of all the sources of sunlight. How else was he supposed to brood like a teenager. And what about privacy? Japanese people did like to bathe together and let it all hang out but like in his 15 years of living only three people had seen him naked and he wasn’t prepared to let an entire institution of fellow crazies sneak a peek at the goods. (not that they were very good goods anyway)

“Darken”

“That’s a nice cursed technique you got going on there” 

[Name] whipped his head to the door to see a tall white haired man wearing a blind-fold and a smile on his face. Just what name needed. Cheery disposition.

“Are you a cursed speech user just like our little Inumaki here?” 

[Name] turned his attention to the other white haired male standing in the doorway. He seemed aloof like [Name]. He either had some traumatic past or was one of those douchebags who brood because it makes you cooler. The least you could do is actually watch someone die in front of you before you go all messy depressy.

“Konbu Kombu”

Now that was a surprise. [Name] just bowed his head in response 

“Are you the teacher here”

“Yes! Of course. I’m Gojo-sensei AKA the Strongest Jujutsu Sorcerer”

“...”

“That was supposed to get a reaction out of you. Anyway I heard that you were moving in and I wanted to get to know you while bringing two of my precious students together to bond”

“Thanks I guess”

“You can speak?”

“Yes?”

“Interesting. And you are a cursed speech user?”

“In a way yes”

“Explain”

“I can manipulate reality but I usually do it through speech. Recently I’ve been able to do it through commands”

“And you were doing it differently before”

[Name] nodded

“Try and have a conversation with Toge here, the similarity in your powers might make you immune”

“Hello”

“Hello”

“I’m [Name] how does your cursed technique work”

“Commands”

“Go ahead”

“Have a seat then [Name]” 

There was a strong urge to sit down but [Name] held back after seeing the hope in Gojo’s face. Inumaki had none, maybe because he was confident in his technique or perhaps because hope would be too cruel, but a light showed in his eyes after [Name] remained standing. 

“Kneel”

“Jump”

“Run away”

After every command the pain in Inumaki’s throat grew a little. The commands got progressively stronger but so did the hope of having a normal friend. Gojo had been relieved. He only pretended not to know what was going on in front of the two first years. He knew what Yaga was planning, pairing the two together and it was smart. 

“My commands aren’t very strong compared to yours, but I have one for you”

Inumaki nodded and Name drew in a breath to set his resolve

“Be my friend”

[cheri-translates]

[CN] S2 Gavin and MC in Chapter 11 (Part One)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from Season 2 🍒

I’m focusing on the interactions between Gavin and MC, not the plot (because the latter requires extensive time and effort that I can’t spare). So the less essential parts are in bullet-point form :>

Phone calls: First l Second

To investigate an issue related to pathological changes in Evolvers, MC heads to a hospital to talk to the director (who is a genuinely kind man)

While they’re discussing the issue, the alarm suddenly goes off, and two Evolvers barge into the office and bring them to the main lobby

Cutting the drama short: Five Evolvers have taken everyone in the hospital hostage. They don’t have weapons, and are subduing everyone with their Evol. The person leading them is a 43-year-old man called Yang Ping, who has a compression Evol. This means he can exert pressure on surrounding objects at will, and can even destroy a person’s organs

Yang Ping releases the Evolvers, but MC decides to stay because she wants to figure out his plan

MC notices a little girl crying, so she controls her own trembling and comforts the girl:

Girl: T-they suddenly barged in! And they said all of us would become hostages... and that they wanted to negotiate with the STF!

A man without a left hand offers the girl a tissue (this fact sounds really random but it’d make sense later!)

MC tells the girl not to worry because her boyfriend the STF will never lose to someone who isn’t on the side of justice:

MC: As long as that person is around, STF will never cower, and will definitely protect everyone’s safety.

The STF arrives at the scene, and Yang Ping uses a row of doctors as a meat shield while he negotiates with the STF

Gavin is in complete Commander Mode™:

Gavin: Your actions have amounted to “endangering public safety”. Release the hostages right now, and the STF will take this into consideration for leniency in punishment.

The moment I hear Gavin’s voice, I finally heave a sigh of relief.

He seems to be standing among a small formation towards the front. Even though I can’t see his face clearly, I know he’s there.

At this moment, it’s as though all the fear is gently pried open by a gust of formless wind, and the leaves outside sway slightly.

As though it’s saying - Don’t be afraid. 

Yang Ping states that the recent series of Evolver assassinations and Evolvers going missing shows how they aren’t being protected sufficiently. He demands for the STF to promise to change the way Evolvers are managed, and to give them better privileges and protection. If the STF refuses, they’d start dealing with the hostages one by one

MC spots Gavin with his team, and thinks he can’t see her from where he is

The little girl starts crying again, and it annoys one of the kidnappers. MC is worried he’d harm the girl, so MC speaks up, admitting that she’s an Evolver and that she fully agrees with what Yang Ping said. She tries to reason that hurting a civilian would be ruining the entire plan because they’re the bargaining chips to negotiating with the STF. If any of the civilians were to be harmed, STF would never listen to their requests

The kidnapper recognises MC as a suspect of the assassination incidents, which makes MC think that there’s more to this kidnapping situation than merely waiting privileges and protection

After all, aside from a few people in STF, no one should know that she’s a suspect i.e. there might be a spy in STF PLEASE DON’T BE TANG CHAO LOL

-

Now, we switch to Gavin’s perspective of the same events

He has received surveillance footage of what's going on in the hospital, and is discussing the issue with Tang Chao and Eli while figuring out how best to get the hostages out...

All of a sudden, Gavin’s pupils widen slightly, eyes focused on one spot, and he freezes.

In the footage, after a stream of Evolvers have left, a girl remains at the same spot. She glances around her surroundings, then smiles as she says something to a little girl, and appears to be consoling the other party quietly.

At this moment, he feels as though his heart has stopped.

What’s she doing here?!

Gavin realises that his right hand is trembling. He clenches it into a tight fist, fingertips buried in his palm, silently turning white.

His mind is a complete blank. All he wants to do is rush in and bring the girl out safely.

Gavin closes his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. When he opens his eyes again, they are filled with an even colder aura.

The sound of his beating heart in his chest gets louder with each beat, as though questioning his forced facade of calmness.

He watches as MC talks to the kidnapper, and realises that MC is using this method to show that she has faith in him

At this point, a call from the “other side” tells him to give up on negotiations and rescue the hostages using force

But Gavin refuses because there’s still time to negotiate, the hostages would be put at great risk, and STF will only use force when truly necessary

The “other side” says it’s an order. So Gavin says that the STF will handle problems using its own ways and hangs up LOL

Tang Chao: Captain Gavin, no matter what you say, the Special Operations Team will only listen to your orders.

Eli: Same for the STF.

A chilly wind brushes the faces of everyone on the scene, but the trust and determination in their eyes remain resolute.

Eli: Also, we aren’t the only ones in this battle.

Gavin smiles, returning his gaze to the small figures in the footage. The girl is standing before the man firmly, reminiscent of a flower that can never be destroyed. 

Gavin: She’s always been very brave.

The smile on his lips is abruptly tucked away. Gavin leans in closer to the screen, and sees that the girl is being brought closer to the entrance by one of the kidnappers.

--Every nerve in his body tenses up once again.

-

And we return to MC’s perspective

As the negotiations progress, Yang Ping tells the kidnappers to bring all the doctors back inside, except one

MC figures out that all this time, the real objective of the kidnappers is to test the STF

Gavin steps forward:

Ever since Gavin and I parted ways at the STF the last time, I haven’t seen him again.

Even though I’ve been asked to report my activities to STF at regular timings, Gavin has been very busy during this period of time, and I haven’t seen him much.

Looking at Gavin in front of me, it seems as though everything else in the world are kept outside a screen, and I can only see his eyes.

His hair is a little fuzzy, but he still looks unstoppable. It’s just that while his eyes have always been determined, they now carry an almost imperceptible worry.

I smile, wanting to tell him that I'm fine. Gavin’s gaze lingers on my face of a few seconds. When he sees my smile, he blinks, then shifts his eyes to the man.

The man and Gavin exchange glances for a few seconds. The corners of his lips simply tug upwards, pushing me around five metres away from Gavin.

Even though it looks like I’m a supporter whom he has incited, I know that I’m just another hostage.

Yang Ping gives Gavin a choice - If Gavin pushes that one doctor out of the window, the kidnappers will release everyone in the hospital and will turn themselves in. But if he chooses to save the doctor, he’d blow up the entire hospital

Basically, the kidnappers are trying to stir hate towards STF because no matter which option he picks, it’s going to cause public uproar

Gavin is quick to point out that the kidnappers haven’t directly hurt any of the civilians. Because they are representing Evolvers, they can’t hurt anyone or it’d give all Evolvers a bad name

Gavin, who represents the STF, has to find a perfect way to resolve this matter - no one can die, even the kidnappers

What he says are actually hints on what MC should do

MC gets it  - she pretends to fall to the ground, and cuts her own arm with a dagger she’s hidden

The reason for this is because Yang Ping’s plan rests entirely on his status as “helping Evolvers”. If MC manages to show that Yang Ping would hurt Evolvers too, his plan would fail

While Yang Ping is shocked, Gavin rushes forward and flips Yang Ping onto the ground. The Special Operations Team rush out and arrest them using Evol-neutralising handcuffs

Gavin arrests Yang Ping:

Gavin: Evolvers and humans - neither will be sacrificed, including you. If you think there’s only a superficial peace and balance now, and that you can’t see normal civilians and Evolvers walking down a common path, just open your eyes and look. I’ll walk down that path.

It dawns on MC that she barely made it out of this situation alive, and she shivers. Then, she’s drawn into someone’s arms:

Lifting my head, I see that Gavin’s handsome eyebrows are scrunched up. His hand is holding bandages he took from the medics.

Gavin: You were supposed to pretend. Why did you actually cut yourself?

MC: Doesn't this have a greater impact? It’s more realistic.

He sighs slightly, holding my wounded arm gently and bandaging it meticulously.

Watching as Gavin leans over as he helps me with the bandage, the fear I had suppressed earlier suddenly pour out from my heart like a tidal wave.

MC: I won’t be this rash next time.

Gavin: There won’t be a next time.

When our eyes meet, I see the worry and earnestness in Gavin’s eyes. 

MC: Okay, there won’t be a next time.

Thinking that the matter has been settled, MC waves at the hospital’s director from afar, and he smiles at her

A red dot suddenly appears on his forehead, and Gavin tries to rush to the director... but he’s too late, and the director is shot by a sniper... T^T

MC is dumbfounded as she takes in everything that’s happening - shrill cries from the crowd, the STF members who are once again on guard, and the director on the ground

Gavin kneels behind the director. Perhaps if he made it a second earlier, he could have prevented this tragedy.

The STF uniform, which has always been white, is now dyed completely red. There are specks of blood on his face, and droplets of blood roll down the sides of his face slowly.

He kneels in place, and doesn’t turn back for a very long time. The hands at his side tremble slightly, and he quickly balls them into fists. 

After a long while, Gavin turns his head expressionlessly, looking at a shocked Yang Ping.

Yang Ping shakes his head repeatedly, muttering softly as he backs away.

Yang Ping: No... this isn’t right...

He stops backing away, as though something dawned on him. Then, he suddenly bursts out laughing.

Yang Ping: ...looks like the people from GRAY RHINO are even better.

In the next second, the sound of a gunshot once again fills the air.

Yang Ping is standing in position, and I watch as blood spatters from his temple.

His eyes are wide open, is in a daze for a moment before toppling to the ground.

Another patch of crimson spreads on the ground. Yang Ping’s twitches slightly, as though saying something, yet no sound comes out.

His eyes remain open till the end, staring at Gavin.

I’m in a state of shock as I take everything in, and feel unsteady on my feet.

An incredibly icy aura exudes from Gavin’s body. He stands up slowly, like a silent volcano.

Gavin: Who was it... who fired the gun?!!

I seem to hear something which had been crumbling finally caving in.

-

MC gets home somehow and falls asleep LOL same

At the STF office, the Special Operations Team are gathered and there’s a really heavy atmosphere in the air

Tang Chao verifies that the bullet that shot Yang Ping wasn’t from the STF’s sniping team. Another member pipes up and adds that even so, it belongs to STF

Gavin asks for further details, but another officer reports that there are no leads. There’s a possibility that an Evolver did it

Gavin orders them to investigate properly

And sounds really fierce (つω`｡)

Afterwards, Gavin walks along the street and some random man without a left hand steps out of an alley and greets him with: “Captain Gavin, this is the first time we’re meeting.”

-

By the time I’m roused awake from the heavy downpour, it’s already late at night.

With a sigh, I get up from the sofa and decide to draw the curtains. 

Large droplets of rain continuously pelt onto the ground. I stare outside the window in a daze. When my eyes focus, I see a familiar figure downstairs.

MC: ...Gavin?

Taking an umbrella, I rush downstairs. Gavin’s profile enters my vision -- and my heart is tugged.

I have no idea how long he’s been standing in the rain, and his entire self seems to be soaked in it.

The rain has soaked his entire body. Drenched hair sticks to the sides of his face, water droplets continuously sliding off his chin.

The STF uniform is in a mess, sticking to his body. The organisation’s emblem on his chest has been washed till it has lost its metal shine. 

I step out of the apartment building slowly, rain pouring down.

I suddenly recall the night he spent accompanying me in the rain a very long time ago.

--it’s as though he’s lost his drive, removed all his defences, and it gives one heartache and sadness.

I have no idea why Gavin is standing here right now, but across the curtain of rain, I seem to once again see that careful heart.

Gavin seems a little surprised by my appearance. His unfocused pupils constrict slightly, and his shoulders tremble imperceptibly.

Gavin: ...why aren’t you asleep?

MC: ...if I were asleep, were you planning to stand in the rain for an entire night?

I walk over slowly, lifting the transparent umbrella over our heads. Rainwater patters against the surface of the umbrella, becoming the only sound in this silence. 

Gavin doesn’t speak. His eyes, which have always been shining with light, seem to be layered with the colour of the gray clouds overhead, and an unspeakable dullness. 

There’s neither grief nor anger in them. All that’s left is helplessness.

Very slowly, his lips finally twitch slightly, breaking the silence.

Gavin: Aren’t you going to ask?

MC: Nope. If you want to talk, I’ll listen and resolve the problem with you. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll keep you company as we stand here, then...

Gavin: Then?

MC: Trust you.

I smile as I reach out, brushing the drenched fringe in front of his forehead, revealing his beautiful amber eyes.

MC: No matter what happens, I’ll always trust you.

Gavin’s eyes widen slightly. The hands beside him are clenched into fists, trembling slightly.

Gavin: ...you once said that every single one of my bullets are for justice. If you were to find out that perhaps I can’t really do that... 

Gavin: ...what would you think?

I’m stunned.

Gavin’s voice is faint, a solid darkness hidden in his words.

His entire self seems to be encumbered by a layer of thick sheet of iron. His back is straight, as though waiting for a final judgment.

MC: I’d look for the truth behind it.

Gavin purses his lips and doesn’t say a word. But I know that he’s waiting for my answer solemnly.

MC: Even if there was really such a bullet, I’d want to further verify why that bullet strayed from its course. And whether, at that point of time when the situation happened, there was really a violation of justice?

Gavin watches me quietly, and I smile as I look at him.

MC: No matter what reason you had for standing there, and for shooting that bullet, you would have done so based on what you saw, heard, and the result of thinking. And I believe in it, and I believe in your judgment at that point of time. That bullet definitely has its meaning.

I say these things instinctively, hoping to give him even the slightest bit of support and courage.

The dim streetlights meld into the water droplets, reflecting into Gavin’s eyes.

The rain gradually lightens. The air Gavin breathes out turns into a white patch of mist in the air. 

Gavin: I’ll find the truth behind this matter. I can’t use “I don’t know the true state of affairs” as an excuse. If it’s something I’ve done, I should take responsibility.

Gavin takes the umbrella in my hand, his eyes carrying with them resoluteness and certainty.

Gavin: I don’t want to fail to live up to your trust, but I... have to face up to the truth. To give you, and to give those who no longer have a voice, a genuine explanation.

-

Two days pass after that rainy evening

Even though MC doesn’t know what Gavin is up to, she can tell that it’s something important and dangerous

She’s at STF to give her regular report, and Gavin walks into the room. His eyes are bloodshot, and he looks thinner and more pallid, and she knows that he’s been working very hard to live up to that promise

I think of comforting him, wanting to tell him not to overdo it, and to take care of his health.

However, the moment I open my mouth, all my emotions morph into a dry greeting.

MC: Gavin, have you been really busy lately?

Gavin doesn’t respond. He simply places his palms on the table between us, his expression solemn as he comes closer to me.

Gavin: Are you investigating the Evol assassinations?

MC: Of course. I’m still a suspect, so I need to think of ways to clear myself of suspicion.

Gavin: This matter could be even more serious than you imagine.

Looking at Gavin’s somewhat resigned expression, I smile.

MC: Things have already reached this stage. What could be even more serious than this? Don’t worry, I know what I'm doing. But are you going to do something dangerous again? You’ve got to take care of yourself. If you need my help, just say it. After all, I’m Nox from Black Swan!

I deliberately use a light-hearted tone, and the corners of Gavin’s lips tug upwards as well.

Gavin: Proudly saying that you’re from Black Swan in the STF - you don’t want to leave, do you?

MC: ...

I freeze. Only when I see the teasing glint in Gavin’s eyes do I realise that he’s toying with me. 

At the same time, I release a sigh of relief. At least Gavin is still in the mood for jokes.

Gavin: To be honest, what I need to do is indeed very dangerous, and I need more people whom I can trust completely. With your help, my investigation will definitely progress much more smoothly.

He lifts his head to look into my eyes directly. The light in his amber eyes reveal trust and sincerity.

I’m left astounded. Receiving such an invitation from Gavin for the first time makes my mind lag a little.

MC: Gavin, what you're saying is... that you’re letting me help you?

Gavin: You didn’t mishear.

The faint scent on his body fills my surroundings. In my trance, I even think that a gentle breeze brushed my cheek. 

Gavin: ...of course, from my personal perspective, I wouldn’t want you to be involved in such matters. So, you’re free to reject.

MC: Why would I reject! I’m really happy to be of help.

Gavin stares deeply at my smiling face. After a long time, he reveals a somewhat relieved and resigned smile. 

Gavin: Thank you, MC.

Part two: here

[jokertrap-ran]

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Main Story Chapter 3-14: 海水与火焰 Seawater & Flames Translation

“The more capable you are, the more troublesome the things you have to take care of.“

*Light and Night Master-list *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *Main story tag will be #For Light and Night

❖ Location: Abandoned Building

The old store heralded the arrival of another wave of visitors.

A black sedan car stopped under the shade of trees. A tall and built figure exited from the passenger's side of the car, standing in front of the door that had been left unlocked.

Evan scrutinized the ground before the door.

 He turned to shoot Zhou Yan a look before he strode through the entrance.

❖☆———————————★❖

Osborn took away the small piece of orange-coloured paper on my fingertips. 

I snapped back to reality. My tears had already slid down my cheek to the edges of my mouth. Osborn brought his thin, calloused, fingers up to my face, gently wiping the tears away.

Osborn: What's wrong?

MC: ……

I stared blankly at my palm, feeling a stifling feeling in my chest.

Here it was again. This feeling didn't belong to me. Once, twice, thrice… It had occurred with such frequency in my life that I was dying to know just what it was.

MC: Just now…

Osborn: What?

MC: You might not believe me, but when I touched that piece of paper earlier, I felt something very strong from it.

Osborn: You felt something very strong?

MC: I felt warmth and hatred that didn't belong to me, and with acute clarity.

MC: As if another soul was living within me.

Osborn slightly furrowed his brow in thought.

Osborn: Is this the first time something like this has happened?

MC: No. This has already happened thrice recently.

And it got fiercer and much stronger each time it happened. It was something I couldn't control.

Osborn lowered his eyes, his expression gradually turning serious.

Osborn: That's probably your "Ability".

MC: …."Ability"?

Osborn: It's an inherent special ability that you were born with. If my guess is right, it should fall in the spiritual category...

Osborn: You're an Empath.

MC: An Empath? And what's that?

Osborn: You can see things that others cannot. Or perhaps you can feel lingering emotions that have been left behind on items. They all fall under Empathy.

MC: I can feel… emotions that have been left behind on things? And I can see things that others can't?

MC: Are you sure you’re not talking about something that can only happen in fantasy movies?

I looked up at him incredulously, unable to help the scoff that escaped me. I thought he was joking with me. But when he maintained his serious look, I started to inwardly panic.

Since he said that I could feel things…

I quickly reached out towards the skull necklace that he wore.

A surge of anger exploded in my heart, followed by the cold emptiness of having no place to belong to. It felt as if the whole world had turned onto a single, innocent, soul.

MC: This necklace… I feel a strong thrum of anger coming from it. Have you been wronged in the past?

Osborn dropped his gaze, removing his necklace from my grasp.

Osborn: That happened a long time ago. Do you believe in your own ability now?

I quickly sorted out and digested the huge amount of information packed in his words, and even bigger questions made themselves known.

MC: But, why would I have an Ability like this? I’ve been living a normal life for the past 23 years...

Osborn: Looks like it's time for you to get to know yourself again.

Osborn: Actually, I started suspecting that you might be one when you mentioned my blue flames. Ordinary people can't see my flames.

MC: ...So the blue flames I saw in the afternoon were real? Is that your ability?

The words had only barely left my mouth before deep-blue flames erupted, appearing within his palm once more, lighting up the dark space.

I never thought that there’d be a day where I’d be put in relation to these seemingly preposterous terms. I repeatedly questioned myself inwardly: Is this really happening?

But, with the flame currently burning within Osborn’s palm, the sudden wave of emotion I felt in my head, and the strange man who was suspected of draining his victims...

All these things that shouldn’t make any realistic sense at all were now happening before my eyes. What else is there to doubt?

Looking into Osborn’s eyes that reflected the dancing flames, I felt like I’d touched upon the reticulated network of blood vessels that were behind the world.

And I had a faint inkling that these invincible blood vessels had long since interwoven themselves into my past and future, just that they’d never come to my notice.

When I snapped back to my senses, I turned to look at Osborn, only to find that I still had a huge pile of questions for him...

★Night Choice: When did you realize that you had an Ability?

MC: When did you figure that you had an Ability, Osborn?

Osborn: When I was a kid. I happened to find out by chance when I got into a fight with someone.

MC: ...So you won the fight with your Ability?

Osborn: Yes and no. We didn't actually throw hands or anything. They all got spooked from the heat in the air and scrammed before that.

MC: Did you find that many things changed after finding out that you had an Ability?

He shot me a look, raising his hand and flexing his fingers in the same manner as one would when playing with something soft and squishy, manipulating the shape of his flames.

Osborn: There's nothing particularly different. This word's still the same.

Osborn: But the more capable you are, the more troublesome the things you have to take care of.

MC: Oh… You're right. I mean, you've always been protecting me.

Osborn: So quick to write yourself off as trouble?

MC: But since I have an Ability now, I can protect you in the future too.

Osborn smiled as he retracted his flames. He patted my head.

Osborn: Your Ability naturally has strong points where it excels in, but you can't go forcefully barging in headfirst when things get dangerous.

MC: Got it!

☆Light Choice: How has your Ability affected you?

MC: You must have found out about your own Ability a long time ago. Did it affect you?

MC: Did you feel different from others around you, for example? Do you feel… segregated from people?

He paused for a while, as if I’d hit the bullseye, but his usual carefree smile quickly returned.

Osborn: Nothing that serious.

Osborn: 'Sides, don't I still have you?

Osborn smiled as he retracted his flames. He patted my head.

The icy feeling of emptiness, of having no place to belong, that had its grip on my heart all these while suddenly subsided.

Yes; it doesn’t matter whether I accept this Ability or not, for it is a fact that this Ability exists within me whether I like it or not. The trouble that may come with it may be inevitable, but fate is still something that can be affected by choice.

MC: Suddenly, I feel like it’s not all that bad being one of the odd ones out. I mean, you’re with me after all!

As soon as the words left my mouth, Osborn suddenly looked at me with a deep and inexplicable look, almost as if he’d just unexpectedly fallen into a vortex of memories.

It was obvious enough that he was thinking about something. Shock, joy, doubt, among a myriad of many other emotions that I couldn’t quite put a finger on buried bright in his eyes, like embers of a smouldering flame.

Seeing him like this made my heart thump loud and violent in my chest. I had a fleeting delusion in his trance-like moment: perhaps those memories he was reminiscing had something to do with me...

MC: ...What's wrong?

After a moment’s silence, he broke eye contact, lowering his eyes with a somewhat self-deprecating laugh and shaking his head.

Osborn: Nothing. It’s just that someone once told me the exact same thing you did back in the past.

Osborn: Unfortunately, I only ever saw her once.

So that's what it was…

MC: You never know, you might meet them again one day. Aren’t all encounters a long-awaited reunion after all?

Osborn merely smiled. When he looked back up this time, his usual playful expression had eased back in almost naturally.

Osborn: My bad; I digressed from the topic. What was I talking about again…? Oh, Abilities.

Osborn: Okay. Don't overthink things.

Osborn: You need to understand that you can use your Ability, but you must also lead a normal life. You're not all that different from the average Joe.

Osborn: Also, your Ability doesn't seem to have stabilized yet. In any case, don't tell anyone else about it; got it?

MC: Okay.

Osborn: Good. Now we have something much more important to do.

MC: Yeah.

I nodded, holding up the small shred of orange paper between my fingers.

MC: If I’m not wrong, I think the one who left this piece of paper behind was the same guy who attacked me before.

Osborn shot me an approving look.

Osborn: Looks like you CAN find him.

MC: I'll try.

I focused hard, concentrating as I carefully touched each door.

These doors didn’t invoke any special feelings within me. I was starting to think that my so-called Ability was actually just a fluke… Until a stabbing pain erupted in my head!

Grief, fear, despair… It felt almost as if all the deep dark emotions to ever exist in the world were assaulting me at once.

I could already feel the strong emotions seeping out from the door before me despite not having touched it.

Osborn: This one?

MC: ...Yeah.

Osborn signalled for me to step back and was just about to bring the door down when a small noise came from behind it.

MC: !?

I grabbed him by the sleeve and he instantly nodded in understanding.

I watched as he knelt down, taking out a small delicate tool from his pocket and used it to fiddle with the door’s lock.

As the minutes went by, the sound coming from within became increasingly active. It made me a little uneasy.

Then, a click sounded in the otherwise silent surroundings.

The door was open.

❖☆————— ⊹ For Light & Night⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: (Chapter 3-11) | Next Part: (Chapter 3-16)

[lorei-writes]

Codependent

Nobunaga x MC Angst This works includes suggestive content. (Non-descriptive)

I feel as if it was forever since the last time I posted a proper fic.. Although realistically speaking, it couldn’t have been that long ago. Regardless, I started working on two WIPs, finished neither of them and instead THIS came to life, haha.

Content Warnings: gaslighting, abusive relationship, emotional abuse, manipulation, control issues, alcohol

With tender touch, she lured him to sleep. Yet something continued on trembling inside of him… Perhaps she really did remember the events better than he did.

Sleep was not keen on gracing him that night, his thoughts chasing after each other, dying from overwhelming freedom caused by how powerless was his will – like caged animals released into the wilderness, unpredictable and dangerous to him. Nobunaga sighed voicelessly, shifting over his spot in their bed, his shoulders being tense after hours of staying in the same position. He breathed out deeply in an attempt to force them to relax. Warm breasts pressed against his naked back, his body waking up to full alertness, his blood beginning to rush. “Darling?” she asked, his heart vibrating alongside each of the vowels, seemingly governed by her voice. “You can’t sleep today either?” “It seems so, Fireball,” he laughed as to dismiss the state of his mind and body alike. He must be tired, he must…

Councils did not change much since she had arrived, or so he initially believed. He was still the one in charge, still the one to deliver orders, the one with the decisive voice. He ruled his land – and there was nobody else beside him in his domain that held the power so great. He was… “Darling,” her voice rang, her arms sneaking around his waist as she helped him dress for the day. He glanced in the mirror – she refused to meet his eyes. “I’ve heard you’re departing for a battle tomorrow night.” Something within him shivered. He did not know why. “Indeed.” “What do your generals think of that?” she hummed innocently, her hands roaming over his body, seemingly aiming to smooth out any creases over his kimono. “I did not ask. Why would I?” “Oh, I was just thinking aloud,” she retreated, stealing a glance at his reflection. “They’re great, plenty smart men, there is nothing more to it. I thought they may have some input on their lord risking his life over the battleground.” “They have no control over that.” She withdrew instantly, busying herself with other matters, her hands reaching for various pins as she began to work on her hair. “I do know that much, not like you’d listen even if they dared to talk,” she breathed out after a short pause, shaking her head. “I’m worried, that’s all.” “It’s only a small skirmish,” he tried to soothe her, his feet already turning around. “Oh, I know. So was the last one. And the previous one. When will you finally stop? You always say it’s nothing much.” Her head hung low, her gaze seemingly attempting to pierce the tatami mats below them. As gently as he could, Nobunaga embraced her. “I will keep your concerns in mind at all times.”

The feeling inside of him would not stop – not then, not later, not even when arrows threatened to open his veins and drown him in his own blood. Oddly enough, it was the moment he felt the calmest.

His return to Azuchi castle was impending. Somewhat excited, Nobunaga rushed his horse, his back aching for proper bed and rest. He searched for her with his eyes, carefully gazing into each face in the crowd – yet she was not there, no matter how long he waited and how persistently he tried. He looked up – no light came from the tenshu. An odd sort of anxiety rising within him, Nobunaga sped up, soon dismounting his horse and walking the familiar corridor leading to his quarters. The door opened before him, only the stars glancing from the outside keeping the space from being completely dark. He took a step forward, followed by another one – she was there, her back turned towards him, a bottle of sake in her hand. Undignified, she leaned against the railing of the balcony and drank straight from it. He called her name. No reply. “Has anything happened?” he inquired as to gain her attention, his feet carrying him to stand by her side. She jolted away. “No, of course not. Do tell me about your victory, I was dying to ask,” she laughed. “Fireball?” “Is that not what you wanted to hear, my lord?” “I don’t understand. Explain what happened,” he insisted, his hand reaching to hold her chin in place – she swapped it away. “Nothing of concern to you, of course. You said you wouldn’t go and then you disappear out of the blue. You’re a liar, Nobunaga. How could I ever–” “When did I say that?” he cut her off. She shot him a glare, her brows knitting together as tears pooled in her eyes. “Of course, you don’t even remember!” she shouted, soon storming out of the room.

She never brought the conversation up. Nobunaga didn’t either, his lover attempting to change the subject wherever he tried to talk of the matter. Life returned to its ordinary state: he could sleep while holding her in his arms, she prepared breakfast for them, the hours spent on work passed fast, almost peacefully so, if it wasn’t for ever-present war. She seemed content, however, so much so as to invite him to play Go, a bet being struck along the way – and he won, and she made him the victor, his groans seeping into the cool air throughout the night.

Another council came soon enough. “Darling,” her voice rang. “You aren’t going this time, are you? Nobunaga looked up at her from over his writing desk. “Hmm?” “You’ve promised. Remember? We fought after you said you wouldn’t go and went regardless, right after that skirmish.” “I –” “I see. Never mind,” she ground through her teeth, already walking out of the room.

Nobunaga could not sleep. His memory was faulty… It must have been faulty. How else could he explain the misplaced documents and lost items? He glanced towards the balcony, memories of the night of his return sneaking back into his mind… “Are you asleep?” she whispered, her chest pressing against his back as her arm hooked around his waist. “You’re cold, darling.” “It’s nothing, Fireball.” She propped herself on her elbow, gently brushing his hair with her fingertips. “Is it really, though?” she hummed. “Come, tell me what’s troubling you.” Albeit somewhat reluctantly, he turned onto his other side, his head soon resting over her chest. “I can’t seem to focus,” he breathed out. “You’re tired, probably. You’ve been drilling yourself too hard…”

With tender touch, she lured him to sleep. Yet something continued on trembling inside of him… Perhaps she really did remember the events better than he did.

Tag list: @datenoriko, @nad-zeta, @tsubaki3192, @jiyuu-chan, @missjudge-me, @ikemencrossedmyth, @plumpblueberry , @nimeryaa, @nuttytani, @thesirenwashere, @milas-imaginarium, @kisara-16, @yukas-clover, @alerialumina , @cheese-ception , @iamryxx, @cottonfluffballofdoom, @mineko811  If you want to be tagged under my future works, let me know (any way works)! ^^ Also, if you have some preferences (for example: you’d rather not be tagged under some series, etc.), please, tell me.  If you don’t want to be tagged anymore - please, do not feel bad about it, just say so :)

[pocketramblr]

Poll Results

Alright, that’s it, i’m tired of trying to sort the answers so yall just get the big list of all the free response answers to that quiz about ofa. be aware some are less safe for work than others.

memorable ones: OfA Snickerdoodle, I’d Give It To A Cat, So You Know Vore Right?, I’m in Love With Nana, Slicey Blood Oath, and Homoerotic Sword Fight

(My answer above is how I think it did happen, not how I want it to happen.) I personally think something along the lines of a Bruce Banner Jennifer Walker blood transfusion where the OFA holder doesn’t realize they’ve passed it on until later.

a tender kiss. perhaps loving. perhaps they're dying, and i already knew that they loved me, either platonically or otherwise, and we always knew that i'd be next. perhaps they tried so hard to make sure it never happened, and perhaps that tender kiss as an apology as much as it is a gift. sure sucks to be gay i guess 

Peacefully? By doing the do and making it a wonderful moment of lovemaking and passing on the future.. If we're in the middle of battle you bet your freaking butt I want them to kiss me dramatically, tell me they love me, and then yeet me away as they turn back to the fight. Ow but relationship goals. 

If we're not romantic because I am obsessed with the Duo Holders ship currently, blood works fine. Ingest it or have them pressing a bloody palm into a wound of mine *shrugs* Gotta pass it along somehow

Personally, I'd rather drink blood instead of hair. It feels less gross. But I'd pass it on as hair just to fuck with my successor

Hair or blood eating, but no touchy-touchy or whatever thx.

Probably a vial of blood so it’s easy and over quick

kiss 👉👈

i would like it to be blood from an already opened wound just cause it would probably less weird, ..........but knowing my luck and because irl my sister has attempted to feed me her baby teeth by shoving it to my lips and saying "eat", thats actually how i would get ofa. ( >:/ i have almost eaten at least two teeth this way because i thought she was being nice and giving me candy )

Consider: doing one of those blood oath things where you swear to be BFFs for eternity except now you also get a quirk out of it. But lbr kissing is way more romantic and you’ve made First/Second my new OTP, so I’ll stick with that for them. <3 But also, maybe to make the kiss option more romantic First thought something more along the lines of wishing he could give ~everything he has/all of himself~ to Second which counted as including his quirk, rather than specifically about giving him the power to defeat his brother?

This is going to sound gross but all ways of transferring DNA is. Just work up a sweat and have the other party drink it. It would probably be the best tasting option which is kinda a weird thing to think about. Nvm sweat doesn't contain DNA looked it up but I don't want to delete all of this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe a scraping of skin cells

Honestly the hair is probably the way I'd want to go. That or blood. Like just swallowing it.

Look, i know realistically it was probably some desparate on-the-brink-of-death "please defeat my brother" thing and oo, magic he gets the quirk. But consider. First's last fight with afo. Second is holding his bleeding body, crying. First gently cups Second's cheek and pulls him into a bloody kiss before dying. Second pulls himself together just long enough to flip off afo, barely resisting the urge to absolutely slaughter him, knowing he would lose. He finds his successor and trains him to the best of his ability, determined to not lose another person he cared for

I mean like dead skin cells probably dont work right? Except hair works so thats not true. So like you totally could lick someone to get OFA. Like could you imagine the whole holding your hand over someones mouth to shut them up but they lick you and they somehow wind up with your quirk, like crazy. What must have been the trial and error with this stuff cause they must have kept passing it inbetween each other to figure out its dna right. How long did it take for them to realize. Like you’re eating breakfast and theres a hair in your food like ew and why am i stronger now. Overall, comedic timing for getting a quirk would be hilarious.

My apprentice lays broken and bloody beneath me as I cradle them in my arms, crying on to an open wound on their face praying the power will be enough to save them

little bit of skin like a hang nail just like put it in a sandwich and dont thing about it

Put it in my coffee.

If I received it from Nana then I would love to have received it via eating her out~ though for passing it on to others I think I would just either spit into their mouths or shove a bleeding finger down their throat until they swallow and then run and get myself killed by AfO while taunting him with "I DON'T HAVE YOUR BROTHER'S QUIRK ANYMORE! SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK YOU LOSER!"

knock me out and just inject the blood. if i have to actively think abt ingesting someone elses dna im gonna yeet myself into the ocean. to pass it on i'll just spit in a cup (or in their mouth) bc im not gonna make someone eat my hair nor is anyone getting my blood

who in their right mind would trust me with a power like ofa 💀afo just looks at me funny the quirk is his. im not a mc for a reason

Sexy battle where I’m the villain, and randomly the hero thinks “I wish I could save you”. Boom I punch them with bloody knuckles and the quirk passes to me. Now the hero has to teach me how to be good again. Also we fall in love.

You know, I always assumed I would head canon it as something romantic until canon proved me wrong But these options are so varied - I had to choose the most Dramatic (tm) one As for my actual answer: a gentle kiss with full consent from both parties

I will bite a holder as a sign of affection. There's probably some dead skin cells in the arm I can swallow by accident. They are used to this and sometimes we switch the quirk around for funsies.

You know, I spent like 10 minutes trying to think of something original here, but knowing my shit luck some bastard would spit in my drink or something and cast upon me the Curse of Bone Breaking and/or.... y’know..... AFO...........

okay this is gonna sound weird but. consider this i marry a very lovely women. we are in much love. we get attacked by evil people because she is a good hero but plot twist. i am secretly her nemisis. the attackers are my minions. i wanted her to protect me because i am very smol but. my comrades were too mean. she is nearly dead. "take this" she says. she kisses me and i am one for all. fuck, i say internally, but i dont tell her. she dies in my arms. i run and become vigilante and take down my once comrades. all is not well. i die unsatisfied. i eventually pass it onto a cat in an alleyway because they are the only one who is with me when i get hit with a back alley sniper

Blood or just like. skin. You could use nail clippers to take a bit off from a really fleshy area, like just under the nail. It's that easy

Spit in my food like an underpaid fast food worker.

i have long hair so that would not be ideal, but blood seems kinda...unsanitary, but i guess it would be better if i was 100% positive i wouldn't pass on some sort of disease. so if that could be ascertained then like a few drops of blood in a glass of water or something and then down the hatch, bam ofa passed on. i know other folks are probably typing some nsfw stuff but just. no. keep it in your pants y'all.

Blood transfusion First, pick a hospital Second, steal all their blood Third, have the previous user donate their blood to that hospital Fourth, get into a major accident and need a blood transfusion near the hospital you robbed Fifth, hope either OfA will only pass onto you bc your the intended recipient, or that no one else needs a blood transfusion Sixth, get the transfusion Seventh, steal all of the previous users blood back Eigth, return all the other stolen blood Ninth, get new identities, this crime leaves DNA everywhere Tenth, die of a blood clot due to incompatible blood types (optional)

okay realistically bleeding into a cut or a drop of blood into water and drinking it would be easiest but like... what if somehow dna could be baked into like a muffin or cookie or something... like i know when cooking with wines and stuff the alcohol cooks away and evaporates out but is that process the same for like blood? like if you baked your blood into a cookie would traces of your dna still be there? basically i want an ofa cookie (snickerdoodle preferably)

no i like my bones

drink a drop of blood. it'd go down easier than hair

no

Something dramatic and desperate in the heat of battle like blood or something

First of all, I think First passed OfA as he was dying entirely on accident, because Second was badly (though not critically) injured and they'd been sort of dancing around each other's feelings and doubting their own worth, so First, knowing he was dying and that his brother was a petty bitch who would probably kill Second anyway because he knows that First cared about him, kisses Second with blood on his lips and his last thoughts before dying are about how he wants Second to have the strength to survive if his brother comes after him.

If I was given the option of getting OfA, I wouldn't take it. I'm a coward and being given something like that is a death sentence.

If it was forced, probably ingesting the previous users blood, because blood is a lot easier to choke down than hair.

If I already had it and had to pass it on, I would want it to be something suitably dramatic like collapsing on the doorstep of a trusted loved one and explaining with my dying breath who killed me and why and then raising my blood covered hand to their face like I was going to caress their cheek only for them to taste blood. They cry and try to get me take it back and when I finally die they swear vengeance over my slowly cooling corpse.

Pass it on in a non-life threatening scenario where I decide I actually don’t like the weird bone breaking power a random person gave me as they were dying and wish I could pass it to someone else and through a weird set of circumstances end up accidentally cooking some of my own hair into brownies I was making because I shed like a dog and passing it to my new neighbor I came to welcome to the neighborhood.

Either drinking a glass of milk with their saliva (no icky hair taste), or an epic sharing of blood while clasping hands like knights in a noble brotherhood!

not by eating all mights long ass hair thats for sure, why did he give midoriya one of the longest ones he had, he has shorter hair right there on the back of his head. not to mention the fact of like how i would prefer to recieve it or give it away which would be just, fucking sharing a pop or something and swaping it through the backwash??? less nasty than hair and not as weird as the other options for spit which is like straight up spitting in a drink or the other persons mouth outside of kissing. if someone told me i had to eat their hair i would straight up say no thanks, cheers for the fitness glow up tho homie

I want nana 2 kiss me, on.,, the m,,,.."#*(@÷out.h pretty lady.,

Q-tip to the inside of the cheek

Those blood pacts where you slice your hands open and do a little handshake thing. Not very creative, but idk it just appeals to me

Via consumption of blood, babey

I would want it to be with a maybe maybe not homoerotic sword fight in a Wendy's parking lot, preferably while we are both being impaled on each other's swords. The sweet pain of almost dying is a very intense moment to share isn't it?

Sweet love

Hair

If it's someone cute, a kiss. Otherwise I'd probably just swallow a hair with some water.

i'd just like. spit in their water bottle. if thats not enough dna i guess licking a paper cut it is. hair is bad idwa bc it doesn't digest and can get wrapped up in things. and like. im too aroace for kissing and such

Last option, cause first is sexy as hell

okay you know what vore is, right. and you know how blood and organ transfusions work? well...

Not at all, like?? I enjoy being alive and not having my body destroyed thank you. Literally everyone with OfA died young-ish or has suffered debilitating injuries bc of it. Like Midoriya's bones are powder, and we don't even need to go into All Might's medical history. Like thanks but no thanks no freaky dna ingestion 4 me

Had a open cut from a can lid and ofa holder had an open cut. While lamenting about fins a successor.

Blood

Assuming we can bypass the rules of canon, it would be funny as fuck is OFA was passed on by intentional physical contact. So yes, a smooch for First and Second (and Second and Third) but also. Bitchslap of destiny. Nana giving her protege one last hug. All Might ruffles Mido’s hair like a dad to pass it on. I’m sure you get it

Bleeding over an open wound

lil bit of spit in a milkshake.

I hold their hand Platonically but it's summer and we're both sweaty and they're a little loopy and having weird thoughts due to dehydration and heat lmao, literally hanging around anyone for any extended period of time guarantees you accidentally ingest SOME of their dna. Dead skin cells are floating through the air ~constantly~ and if you have a friend I promise you've inhaled their dead skin cells before. Have fun with that knowledge!!

ok so like deffo a kiss, but in canon people get weird biological urges for using their quirks, like bby Toga drinking bird blood. First has had a LOT of "spit in their drink" intrusive thoughts over the years. immediately post first-kiss he is mystified that his intrusive thoughts have disappeared entirely, but then BAM it seems that second has the stockpile now, and with it, a preoccupation with vampire lore

drink from the same water bottle?

“EAT THIS!”

Pass it on by making them lick my arm because that would make them rly uncomfortable, passed to me by spiting in my 20oz Red Bull and then chugging it

[hykwkagas]

Review:

Ishigami Hideki - Her Love in the Force

MS2 - Falling in love + Epilogue

Ratings-

Plot: 4/5

Romance: 5/5

MC: 5/5

Total: 14/15

Oh wow, I totally swooned the whole time reading Ishigami’s MS2 and epilogue. I’ve forgotten how the story progresses, but it was a nice surprise all together experiencing it again as though it was my first time reading it.

Plot: 4/5

Compared to his MS1, it did feel as though the action taking place was a little rushed as now that I’m writing this review, I can’t really remember why the MC got into a cruise ship in the first place. I do feel like Ishigami’s routes are more romance based than action based, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing either. In fact, it is a breath of fresh air from all the other routes. The drama unfolds as the instructors had a reshuffling of their aides, with MC being assigned to Goto in what she assumed is Ishigami’s way of rejecting her feelings. It stings, but her friends especially Chiba is there for her. Like I mentioned before, if this was real life, I’d definitely go for Chiba too as he’s just the sweetest. The hot and cold continues but the real action only takes place after the students were assigned to get their hands on a chip that contained valuable data. It actually made me happy to have these other no faces classmates praised the MC and keep a lookout for her. It was interesting to see how much of the SP bodyguards from MSB we saw (hello Mizuki my fave) as compared to the other routes (even Kurosawa’s) but it was probably meant to be an ode to his route in MSB. It was very action packed midway while on the cruise, with the possibility of the MC dying even if the gas used had been mildly threatening, though a threat is still a threat.

Romance: 5/5

Which brings me to my next point, the romance! Oh boy, if I gave Kurosawa’s route a maximum five points as well for the angst and drama, then these five points for Ishigami’s route is for his sweetness! Maybe it’s because he’s not used to love, but he’s very careful around the MC and very very tender and gentle with her. It almost feels as though he treats her as his favourite shiny toy, where he plays with her once in a while but ultimately just simply admire as though she’s fragile. I’ve played his route before many years back but I didn’t recall Ishigami being this sweet, or maybe I just learnt to appreciate sweet guys better now that I’m older hehe. The MC and Ishigami starts dating pretty early on in his MS2 as compared to the other routes where the romance only takes place or is official from the end of the ninth chapter. While Ishigami’s romanctic journey takes place towards the end of the eight chapter, or even earlier if we count in the cruise drama, which was a pleasant surprise from the others. I feel like his epilogue is also the best epilogue I’ve read, which mentions a proper, action packed date with some spicy times at the end. He’s so soft with the MC, but also so dominating at the end that my heart fluttered uncontrollably reading his route, and do know that meganes aren’t always my type of otome guys I’m into. Ishigami might as well be the sole exception as I think I developed a big fat crush on him with how sweet he was to the MC.

MC: 5/5

During the whole course of his MS2 and epilogue, I feel like the MC had been nothing but relatable. The way she acted around Riko, Ishigami’s and Kaga’s classmate was something I’ll probably do in real life too. It is easy to say that you will focus on work or studies when you’re hopelessly upset about love, but the reality is that it’s hard to get that special someone out of your head when you’re that affected by his presence. In that sense, I think the MC was portrayed as accurately as I think a young woman in love could be. It could be annoying to some readers to how much she sprouts off about love, but I think if the dude is Ishigami, you’d have a hard time not acting like her too. The only negative aspect of the MC that I didn’t quite agree with is her relying a lot on Chiba. He’s a good guy and he likes her, and he’s definitely a good friend, but I wonder if it was necessary for him to know about the troubles and feelings the MC had for Ishigami. Seems too cruel to put him into a situation like that, but that’s just me. I would think confiding in Naruko would be a better choice, but perhaps Chiba could offer better insights since he’s observed the MC more keenly than others, to even notice the feelings Ishigami do have for the MC already. In terms of her work ethics, I think she is amazing. The MC even made Goto speechless when she asked him if he’d abandoned the SP team and the politician if he was in her position, causing those already used in the field to reflect on her idealism. Some people may say it’s too naive of her to choose to abandon orders to retreat during the cruise drama, but I think it’s realistic that someone as upright and just as her would not retreat to save people that she knows need her help. In fact, I think it was mainly her adrenaline talking as she chased after the bad guys one after the other, which is why I think the writing was realistic at this point. The MC is also as sweet to Ishigami as he is to her, not holding back to tell him of her true thoughts to let the man she loved know how much she loves him. It is admirable, as relationships are all about communication. I mentioned this in the MS1 review, but she’s a think first, action later type of MC, and I do think it still holds true in his MS2 and Epilgoue, even when facing steely circumstances. It’s an admirable trait for the MC to have, and I can’t wait to see greater things from here.

[star-spangled-eyes]

The Royal Romance Deleted Scenes, Alternate Endings & Additions...Book 1, Ch. 16

These “deleted scenes”, alternate endings and additions are from The Royal Romance – a story written and owned by Pixelberry Studios. All main story character names and fictional places are owned and created by Pixelberry Studios. Some content belongs to Pixelberry, whereas the rest is created and written by this author.

Master List of Chapters

Book/Chapter: The Royal Romance, Book 1: Chapter 16: The Beaumont Bash (Alternate Ending) “One Last Hurrah”

Content Type: Alternate Ending

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Bragnae Bennett -- *pronounced Brawn-yah)

A/N: I fell in love with this series immediately, and I always envisioned more depth and experiences with the characters to make it more realistic. I had a lot of fun writing these “moments” that we didn’t get to see in the books, especially when giving Drake and the MC a lot more time together to show just how much they care about each other. These are NOT the full chapters from the book itself, rather they add to or expand upon certain moments in the story. I do apologize that they are scattered across the series, but I am working to fill in the moments in each chapter. I hope you enjoy what I’ve decided to add to this already amazing series, and stay tuned for more posts!

***These chapters set the foundation for my fanfic series The Royal Couple.

Warnings for deleted scenes, alternate endings and additions: Adult content, suggestive and strong language, sex, violence

Warnings for this chapter: Adult content, strong language 

Word Count for this chapter: 4747

Setting for this chapter: The beginning of this chapter has references from @burnsoslow‘s “Quiet Hour” of what happened between Drake and the MC after Truth or Dare was over. It is the day after the Beaumont Bash, and Bragnae and her crew are looking for something normal and fun to do before Prince Gabriel’s coronation in a week. Let the karaoke begin!

Permatags: @burnsoslow @cora-nova @dcbbw

Bragnae rolled over to hug her pillow feeling the sunlight hit her eyelids. She slowly opened her eyes to glance at the clock on the nightstand reading 11:42 a.m. She gasped as she sat up quickly in her bed.

“I… what? I must’ve slept in!”

Just then Bragnae felt a pounding in her head, which caused her to slowly sink back down onto the pillow clutching her forehead.

“Oof. Maybe I’ll just lay here for a second more.” Bragnae closed her eyes trying to will the throbbing away.

As she tried to relax, she let her mind wander to the crazy events that transpired last night that led her to her current position.

I can’t believe I ran around the ballroom in my underwear. All in the name of Truth or Dare…well, for him. God, I’ll do anything just to catch his attention. How embarrassing. But…he does seem to enjoy when I make an effort to embarrass myself for his benefit no matter how silly it is. And he did kiss me back last night. Oh, his lips…they’re so soft. I could kiss him all day.

Bragnae smiled to herself remembering his hands touching her for the briefest of moments last night after he walked her back to her room.

He said that it was ‘the most incredible kiss’ he’s ever had. Bragnae grinned peacefully to herself as images of Drake flashed across her mind. I can’t wait to see him again. I need to see him again.

Thoughts of Drake motivated Bragnae to get out of bed despite her now dull headache. She got herself dressed, and took a few minutes to complete her morning routine before heading downstairs. On her way down, she saw a few members of the house staff plus Bertrand and Maxwell cleaning up last night’s mess.

“Hey, why’d nobody come get me?” She asked.

“You earned a day to sleep in,” Bertrand replied as he bent down to pick up another shard of glass from a broken Champagne bottle.

Bragnae was taken aback by his comment. “I… did?”

“We also thought it’d be better if we minimized the destruction from last night before you woke up,” Maxwell added.

“I could have helped you guys… You know that right?”

“We don’t want you wasting your energy when we’re heading into one of the most important events of our lives…” Bertrand said, waving Bragnae off.

“The Coronation Ball is next, and after last night, all eyes are going to be on you!” Maxwell said proudly.

Bertrand continued, “So, get what you sleep you can. It’s not long before we depart for the palace.”

Bertrand walked away toting a full bag of trash in one hand as he instructed the staff on their next steps. Realizing just how soon the Coronation Ball was, Bragnae started to panic internally.

I knew this was coming, but I didn’t realize just how soon it was. I’m not ready for it. I need more time. I need to see Drake. But maybe also Gabriel? I just need to do something with them that’s normal for once. Like regular people. Maybe Maxwell would want to go, and Hana. But what could we do?

“Hey, Maxwell.”

“What’s up?” He asked as he continued to sweep.

“I was thinking we could all go out tonight to do something fun… you know, for old time’s sake before Gabriel’s Coronation? Before things get crazy for all of us. Not that last night wasn’t fun, but I was thinking about something more ordinary than, say, riding horses in the house and breaking open champagne bottles with swords.”

Maxwell abruptly stopped sweeping dropping his broom to the floor as he raced over to Bragnae who was still standing on the stairs.

“Bragnae, you’re a genius! I’ve been dying to check out this new place here in Ramsford. It’s a karaoke bar and dance club all in one! You know, I’m always ready for a party.”

“Do you think Gabriel, Drake and Hana would want to go?”

“Go where?” Hana asked, rubbing her eyes as she descended the stairs toward them.

“Morning Sleepyhead!” Maxwell practically screamed.

“I haven’t slept in like that in a very long time,” she said stifling a yawn.

“Maxwell and I were just discussing going out tonight to a karaoke and dance club. Do you want to go?” Bragnae asked.

Come on, Hana. Say ‘yes’.

“Sure! I’m well-rested, and I’d love to try karaoke! I’ve never done it before, but I’ve always wanted to.”

“Well, apparently this weekend is full of ‘firsts’ for you! Maxwell, where are the guys? We need to see if –”

Before Bragnae could finish her sentence, Maxwell was already speaking to Gabriel on the phone.

“… Yeah. So, do you want to go?… Of course, Bragnae’s going. It was basically her idea. Ask Drake if he’ll come too... Oh, come on! He has to sing! … Okay, fine. As long as he comes. Let’s all meet up here, and go together. Okay, see you then.”

“So, what’s the verdict?” Bragnae asked, trying to restrain her excitement.

“They’re in! It’s going to be one awesome night! Oh my God, what am I going to wear? What are you going to wear?” Maxwell asked. “Let’s go pick out our outfits, ladies!”

The three of them walked briskly to the boutique leaving Maxwell’s half swept mess on the floor behind them. The girls immediately walked over to the rack of dresses as Maxwell flipped through countless shirts occasionally tossing some to the floor with a look of disgust.

“So, what kind of look are we going for at a Karaoke Bar?” Hana asked, waiting to be inspired by the perfect dress.

“We definitely need something that will stand out. We’re going to be on stage singing in front of people, so we need an outfit that looks great against the lights that will be on us,” Bragnae said as she slid more hangers across the rack.

“Glitter and sequence, ladies. It’s all about the sparkle!” Maxwell called over his shoulder.

Hmmm… what am I going to wear? I want something with color. I wonder which one Drake would like. Should I ask Maxwell what his favorite color is? No. That’s too obvious. I’m sure he’ll like whatever I pick out.

“I’ve got it!” Hana exclaimed, holding up a hot pink dress with rhinestones delicately placed in a starburst pattern. It had spaghetti straps and the front was cut low… lower than Bragnae thought Hana would choose to wear.

“That’s perfect, Hana! Go try it on!” Maxwell suggested.

Damn it. What am I going to wear?

“Hey, Princess-to-be. I think I found what you’re looking for,” Maxwell said, dangling a dress in front of him.

Bragnae turned around and her eyes grew wide. “Maxwell! That’s it! How do you always manage to find the perfect outfit for me?” She ran over to him grabbing the dress and headed for a changing room.

This is definitely going to turn some heads.

Bragnae took off her clothes and slipped on the dress Maxwell found. It had a plunging, cowl neckline held up by a halter strap, which allowed only a hint of her cleavage to show in the center of her chest. The back was completely open, and the rest of the dress hugged her curves nicely. Perhaps the best part that made this dress stand out was its green and blue gradient sequin design. She watched the dress change colors against the light as she rotated her body back and forth in the mirror.

“I want to see too, Bragnae!” Maxwell cried.

“Yes! Come see mine as well!” Hana added.

Bragnae stepped out of the changing room strutting like she was on a runway in Paris.

“Woohoo! That’s what I’m talking about! Get it, girl!” Maxwell called out.

“Bragnae, that’s beautiful!”

“So is yours, Hana! We’re going to light this club on fire!” Bragnae said confidently.

Maxwell held a deep red button up shirt against himself. “This is what I’m wearing. Talk about fire. It’s going to be an inferno up in there! I may even keep the top few buttons undone.”

“Oooh, scandalous!” Hana said.

A few hours later, Bragnae and Hana were in Bragnae’s room getting ready for the night. Hana chose to straighten her hair completely for a more edgy look, whereas Bragnae added a soft curl to hers to provide more volume against her already form-fitted outfit. They began applying their make-up, already dressed.

“You want to be bold and dramatic, Hana. Don’t be afraid to go outside your comfort zone. Here. Add some wings to your eyes with the eyeliner like this.” Bragnae turned her attention away from the mirror, and faced Hana closing her eyelids to display her own design.

“That’s so pretty! I’ve never worn gray and black eye shadow before. My mother always told me to stay with neutral tones as to not offend the eye of a potential suitor. It’s not too much, is it?”

“That’s called the smoky look, and no, it’s not too much. It’s exactly what you need for a night out like this,” Bragnae reassured her.

The girls finished with their make-up, spritzed perfume on their bodies and slipped on their black high heels. With a final look in the mirror, they headed downstairs to meet the guys in the foyer. Bragnae couldn’t help but feel a twinge of nervousness like she was meeting Drake for a date. She hoped he liked how she looked, and couldn’t wait to see him. Maxwell, Gabriel and Drake were standing near the front door talking when the girls began their decent down the stairs.

Maxwell stood facing the stairs in his deep red shirt with his collar popped, and a few buttons undone at the top as promised, along with black slacks. Gabriel and Drake also wore button up shirts, but Drake had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. Gabriel’s was a steel blue color, which complimented his eyes, and looked great with his hair. Drake’s was black, a color Bragnae had not often seen him in. He completed his look with a pair of dark jeans, which he wore very well. Drake stood with his back to the stairs, keeping his face out of Bragnae’s view much to her disappointment.

“Damn, ladies! Check you out!” Maxwell said, looking up at them.

Gabriel turned his head to the right, and Drake slowly turned around to face Hana and Bragnae.

“You ladies look beautiful tonight,” Gabriel marveled.

“They’re gorgeous!” Maxwell added.

“Oh, you guys! Stop it!” Hana playfully dismissed.

Drake stayed silent as he clenched his jaw and swallowed hard keeping his eyes on Bragnae. When her eyes met his, she felt a little weak in the knees, so she gripped the railing tighter as she continued to walk down the steps. Bragnae felt her heart flutter as her breathing increased slightly. She wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him for the rest of the night. Bragnae realized she had not looked away from Drake this whole time, so she decided to divert her attention to the others to avoid suspicion. She looked towards Gabriel who had a big smile on his face. He stepped forward to offer her a hand as she took her last step off the stairs.

“Thank you, Gabriel. You look nice.”

“Thank you, but nothing rivals the way you…and Hana look tonight,” he replied.

Bragnae turned to Drake and smiled. “Drake, I’ve never seen you in that shirt before. Is it new?”

“Nah. This is Maxwell’s. He made me wear it tonight,” he said, almost curtly. His eyes still focused on Bragnae and his body rigid.

“Well, it looks good on you.”

“Let’s go, guys!” Maxwell shouted as he threw the double doors open and walked out to the limo waiting outside.

“After you,” Drake offered.

What a polite and subtle way to check me out, Drake. Good one.

Knowing his eyes were most likely on her backside, Bragnae added an extra sexy strut to her step as she followed the others out the door. They piled into the limo and soon they arrived at the club.

“Alright, everyone. I called ahead, and got us the VIP table in the back. It includes drinks all night!” Maxwell stated.

The group sat down around the table as the waiter came over to collect their drink orders and place glittery plastic VIP bracelets around their wrists. Maxwell ran off almost immediately toward the stage and returned just as quickly with a large binder, a pen and a couple pieces of paper. Bragnae found herself seated in between Drake and Gabriel with Hana and Maxwell across from her. Maxwell flipped rigorously through the binder until he suddenly stopped and his eyes lit up.

“Oh! That’s the one!” He said as he lowered his head toward the table covering his paper with one hand writing his selection down secretly.

“What are you going to sing?” Hana asked him.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” he replied turning his paper over on the table.

“Bragnae, do you know what you’d like to sing? I’m looking forward to hearing your beautiful voice again,” Gabriel said, smiling at her.

Drake looked over at her. “You sing, Bennett?”

“Yes, I do,” she replied proudly.

“Are you any good?” He asked.

“I guess you’ll have to be the judge of that,” she said with a wink. “I’m not sure what I want to sing yet. Maxwell, pass me the binder.”

Taking the massive binder from him, she began to flip through the seemingly endless pages. With some songs standing out, she still felt they weren’t quite right. Drake moved his leg slightly under the table brushing against hers, which made Bragnae lose all train of thought. The slightest touch from him wreaked havoc on her mind and body. She stared at the binder trying hard to steal a peripheral glance at Drake without making it obvious.

“You could sing Empire State by Alicia Keys. And ooh! I can rap Jay-Z’s part!” Maxwell offered with enthusiasm.

She smiled at him and resumed her search through the binder before seeing it. This was it. The song she would sing. It was perfect. Bragnae quickly closed the binder, and grabbed a piece of paper writing her name, song title and the artist on it.

“Do we get to know what you chose?” Hana asked.

“Like Maxwell, I too shall keep it a surprise,” she said pressing the paper to her chest.

While Maxwell and Gabriel helped Hana pick out a song to sing, the waiter dropped off their first round of drinks.

“A martini, huh Bennett?” Drake inquired.

“A dirty martini. I love them. Plus, I think I’m going to need the vodka to calm my nerves. Stage-fright sucks. I see you’re staying well within your whiskey comfort zone.”

“Why mess with a good thing, Bennett?” Drake smirked as he took a drink.

With their selections given to the DJ, the group passed the time talking about the past week’s events until the lights in the club dimmed, and the DJ began speaking.

“Good evening ladies and gentleman! Who’s ready to get this party started? Our first guest who will be singing tonight is Maxwell, A.K.A ‘M-Dizzle’ delighting us with Gansta’s Paradise by Coolio. M-Dizzle, come on up!”

Maxwell hurried up to the stage transforming his face to a hard, determined look. The signature 90’s beat Bragnae knew all too well hit the sound system as the crowd cheered.

“Wooooo! Maxwell!!!!” Hana yelled.

Maxwell rolled right into the song impressively rapping every verse, and loving every minute of it. When the chorus hit, Maxwell threw his arm in the air waving it back and forth to the beat causing the audience to do the same. His presence was commanding, and he shined on stage. He was truly in his element.

♪ Fool, death ain't nothin' but a heartbeat away – I'm livin' life do or die, what can I say? – I'm 23 now but will I live to see 24? – The way things is going I don't know ♪

“That’s for sure,” Drake said chuckling.

Bragnae moved slowly to the beat in her seat mouthing every word along with Maxwell.

♪ We keep spending most our lives – Livin' in a gangsta's paradise – Tell me why are we so blind to see – That the ones we hurt are you and me? ♪

As the song came to a close, the crowd cheered even more chanting his name. He dropped the microphone and ran into the audience high-fiving and fist bumping anyone in his path before returning to the table breathless.

“Maxwell! That was amazing!” Hana screamed.

“I loved that song so much growing up, and now I love it even more! You nailed it!” Bragnae said offering him a high-five.

“Thanks guys. That’s felt incredible! I need a drink!”

Drake shook his head while smiling at Maxwell as Gabriel patted him on the back. A few other patrons got up on stage as the group continued talking, laughing and having a good time.

“Hana, you’ll be fine. Just go up there with confidence, and you’ll kill it!” Maxwell encouraged.

Drake excused himself from the table as Bragnae turned towards Gabriel.

“So, Your Highness, will you be gracing us with your singing talent tonight?” She asked.

Gabriel chuckled. “No, I came for the entertainment. Truth be told, I’m really looking forward to your turn up there in the lights.” He smiled at her with a bit of heat in his eyes. “I have no doubts you’ll blow us all away.”

“You sure are putting me on a high pedestal. I hope I can meet your expectations.”

“As a woman of many talents, I think you deserve that high pedestal,” he said with a wink.

With the current singer stepping off the stage, the DJ spoke again. “And next, we’d like to welcome Bragnae to the stage who will be singing Christina Aguilera’s Bound to You.

Her friends cheered her on as she made her way to the stage feeling butterflies in her stomach with each step. She reached the stage and stepped up to the microphone, which she decided to keep on its stand throughout her performance. She adjusted its height, and braced herself. The music began and she took a deep breath…

 Drake heard soft music starting to play as he returned to the table noticing Bragnae wasn’t in her seat.

“Where’s Bennett?” He asked the group.

Gabriel nodded his head in the direction of the stage as Drake heard an angelic voice come across the microphone.

♪ Sweet love, sweet love – Trapped in your love – I've opened up, unsure I can trust – My heart and I were buried in dust – Free me, free us ♪

Drake was instantly mesmerized by Bragnae’s voice as he stood there watching the most beautiful sound come out of the amazing woman he knew standing on stage. As she continued, he slowly sank into his seat listening to her as every word she sang felt like it touched his soul.

♪ You're all I need when I'm holding you tight – If you walk away I will suffer tonight ♪

♪ I found a man I can trust – And boy, I believe in us – I am terrified to love for the first time – Can't you see that I'm bound in chains? – I finally found my way – I am bound to you – I am bound to you ♪

Drake was frozen in place. As far as he was concerned, he was the only one in the audience, and she was singing just for him. That voice. It’s amazing. She’s amazing.

♪ So much, so young, I've faced on my own – Walls I built up became my home – I'm strong and I'm sure there's a fire in us – Sweet love, so pure ♪

♪ I catch my breath we're just one beating heart – And I brace myself, please don't tear this apart ♪

As Bragnae came to the chorus again, Drake couldn’t help but think this song was chosen on purpose. She sang it with such passion, and it felt like it was coming from her heart. Is she singing this for me? No. It can’t be. Maybe it’s for Gabriel. But the words. It makes sense for me and Bragnae.

♪ Suddenly the moment's here – I embrace my fears – All that I have been carrying all these years – Do I risk it all, come this far just to fall, fall? ♪

That last word led Bragnae to crescendo into a loud and powerful note sending a chill throughout Drake’s body. He watched in amazement as she closed her eyes singing the next verse with conviction.

♪ Oh, I can trust – And boy, I believe in us ♪

Shit. She’s looking right at me. Oh my god. She’s not looking away.

♪ I am terrified to love for the first time – Can't you see that I'm bound in chains – And finally found my way – I am bound to you ♪

As the intensity of the song grew, Drake stopped breathing watching her, listening. Breaking her gaze for just a moment to summon the final notes of the song, she looked at him once more.

♪ I am – Ooh, I am – I'm bound to you ♪

As Bragnae finished singing the last word of the song, the lights faded off her as the crowd erupted into a thunderous applause. Hana, Maxwell and Gabriel stood to give her a standing ovation, but Drake couldn’t move. He finally let out the breath he’d been holding as he watched her exit the stage. Realizing he was the only schmuck not clapping for her, he snapped out of his temporary paralysis, and stood to join the others clapping. Bragnae joined everyone at the table receiving a hug from Hana as Maxwell playfully bowed down in front of her reveling in her stellar performance. Gabriel pulled her into an embrace as Drake watched him whisper something into her ear. She pulled back and smiled at him.

What was that about? Stop. He’s probably just telling her how amazing she was. Because she was. But look at her smile at him. Maybe she was singing it for him. But those words…it made sense for me. Maybe I want it to make sense for me, and she’s just singing a damn song. Ugh, I don’t fucking know.

The crowd was still clapping and cheering for her. Bragnae made her way over to her seat and smiled at Drake as she sat down. He joined her as he trembled slightly trying to think of something to say.

Speak. Say something, you idiot. Anything. Tell her she killed it, tell her she’s amazing. SOMETHING.

“Wow, Bennett. Didn’t peg you as a Christina Aguilera fan.”

Okay, that was dumb. Say something better. Why can’t you say something nice to her? Fucking give her a compliment!

“Uh… I meant to say, that was, uh… pretty incredible.”

She smiled at him and touched his shoulder. “Thanks Drake.”

He melted at her touch as he watched her turn to the others and graciously accept their endless praise. Shortly after, she excused herself from the table and headed back toward the restrooms. Drake finished off his whiskey trying to shake himself loose of the trance he couldn’t get away from.

“She slayed up there! I’m still freaking out about it!” Maxwell went on. “Who knew our little Bragnae was a master vocalist? We should start a musical group. We could sing and dance, and go on tour!”

As the others went on about Maxwell’s day dream of starting a band, Drake felt himself watching the hallway that led to the restrooms waiting for her to return. He wanted to look at her and never stop. He wanted to hold her and gaze into her eyes and tell her how much that song meant to him. He wanted to kiss her. God, he wanted to kiss her. He was enraptured. He didn’t care if anyone saw him do it either. If that song was truly about him, for him, then he wanted to know for sure. Finally, Bragnae emerged from the hallway, but headed to the bar instead of returning to the table. Drake took this opportunity to join her.

“Time for another drink. Anybody want anything?” He asked the group, hoping they’d all say no, so he could get to the bar as quickly as possible.

“I’m good, thanks,” Hana replied.

“I’ll take another Manhattan, Drake,” Gabriel announced.

“Could you get me a large water with lots of ice?” Maxwell requested. What the fuck, Maxwell?

“Yeah… Be right back.” Drake spoke with little energy as his attention was still on Bragnae.

He made his way over to where Bragnae was standing. She was leaning into the bar with one foot balancing on the foot rail beneath it. He asked the bartender to fill his drink orders, and turned to Bragnae with a smile.

“You know, you really were incredible up there. I’ve never heard a more beautiful voice in my entire life.”

She smiled the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her. “Thanks Drake. That really means a lot. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Singing is one of my favorite things to do.”

“So, I was wondering… what made you pick that song out of all of them?”

Drake watched as Bragnae looked down at the bar pausing to come up with her response. “It’s one of my favorite songs to sing. I can really showcase my talent with that one.”

“Oh, well… you certainly did that. I think you blew the roof off this joint with everyone’s cheers.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Come on, Drake. Just ask her.

Drake mustered up all of his confidence. “You sang with a lot of passion behind your words. It seems as if you might have picked that song to relay a message to someone.” He looked her in the eyes so intensely that he saw her draw in a sharp breath before she spoke.

“Well, Drake… did you feel that it was a message to someone?” She spoke now playfully, but also with a hint of seriousness.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Then maybe you should trust your instinct.”

Damn, this woman is so elusive with her words sometimes. Just tell me it was about me, so I can pick you up and take you out of here.

Bragnae leaned in closer to him placing her hand on his arm. Their faces just inches apart. “I’m bound to you, Drake.”

Oh my God. It was about me. Holy shit.

“Bennett, I –” Drake began.

Just then the bartender placed the drinks they ordered in front of them breaking their attention on each other.

“Come on, let’s join the others,” Bragnae said, grabbing half the drinks as Drake took the others.

They returned to the table and distributed the drinks just as the DJ called Hana up to the stage.

Hana picked up the microphone and sang Dolly Parton’s Jolene as if she’d been singing country music her entire life. The group cheered her on as she finished strong, earning loud praise from the audience.

“Well, guys, I think it’s time we head back to the estate,” Gabriel suggested.

He’s always the party pooper. Can’t he just rebel and stay out late like any normal guy? He’s not normal, asshole. He’s the Prince. Give him a break. God, you’re such a dick.

As they made their way to the doors, Hana, Maxwell and Gabriel walked outside and got in the limo. Drake was about to walk through the door himself when he felt his arm getting tugged hard. Bragnae pulled him back inside and up against a wall near the entrance. It was dark and secluded in that space, and she had him pinned. Without speaking, Bragnae reached up and gave Drake a searing kiss grabbing his sides as he kissed her back. He held her face with both hands and deepened the kiss. All too soon, she pulled away from him slowly and breathless.

“Shall we go?” She asked looking up at him.

Drake nodded as she had removed all words from his body. He only wanted her and to keep doing that. Reluctantly, she walked out of the club as he followed her. They got in the limo and made their way back to the Beaumont Estate.

Drake savored the ride back stealing glances at Bragnae, as he knew his time with her as a single woman was coming to an end with Gabriel’s coronation happening next.

[writing-ideas-inc]

Im having problems coming up with something that’s realistic and doesn’t end up being obnoxious the fantasy part is that they’re a reincarnation and their past self did something terrible to their family, they don’t remember what but their living relatives make a point of reminding them constantly, I feel like I’ve been stuck since forever with this and was hoping that you could help me unstuck this part -PART 2-

Hello!So here's some ideas: ● "Dude, it's awesome that you did this for me, but didn't you have something you needed to get done?" "Mine doesn't really matter; I wouldn't have been able to accomplish it anyway." ● As indicated by the above dialogue prompt, they could help other people at their own expense because they think other people deserve things more than they do. ● "I can't believe you're so cheerful after what you did in your past life." "I guess I have experience in dealing with awful things."● "You've been acting. . . off lately." "What do you mean? Well, I know I was being rude to Bradley earlier, but I was jusy trying to defend-." "No, I mean too nice." ". . .""I've noticed that you get extra nice sometimes, and I think it's to compensate for something. What are you hiding?" ● They always act like everything is well in the world even after loosing a job, failing an assignment, a family member dying, etc. so their friends start to wonder what else they've covered with a smiling face. ● People who've endured physical abuse tend to develop a high pain tolerance, so perhaps whenever the character is hurt they pretend they're fine or know what to do because they've dealt with it before. Expanding on this, the character and another one both get hurt, but the MC is injured more severely. Despite this, they help the other one and claim they have experienced an similar inury and will be okay. ● "You don't deserve to smile after what you've done." "Believe me, this smile doesn't reflect how I feel." ● "Hey, you okay?" "Of course." "You say that every time. No one is always okay. Which means you're lying." ● "How are you not devastated right now? A normal person would be breaking down." "I have more experience than a normal person I suppose." ● The character always appears to shrug off insults, even ones that are easily deflected, because they believe they're true. ● "I wish I could be like you. You're happy all the time." You have no idea what you're talking about , she thought.

[nona-gay-simus-main]

Review of Proxy and Guardian

I finished Guardian a few of days ago, but finally I’ve finally gathered my thoughts enough to write a review.

I’ll review the books separately and put the spoilers under a cut, if anyone who’s either read the books wants to see my opinion or if you just don’t care about spoilers.

I liked Proxy very much. It didn’t go the way I thought it would, but I still enjoyed right up until the end, which broke my heart, and not in the fun way. It’s not the most original concept, but it works and it has a small, but likeable (or at least relatable) cast and a very clear political message. Some of plot happenings were perhaps predictable and possibly not as effective (such as the death of a character midway through), but they did serve their plot purpose and I tend to judge elements from YA books with a less harsh lens, knowing they are not made for me.

The one thing I did not like was that despite this being hailed as an LGBTQ+ book... there really wasn’t much lgbtq+ content. Sure, the main character was gay and we touch on some of his unrequited crushes, but every other character we come across is - by all accounts -straight, including one of our three protagonists Marie, though a romance isn’t really something she cares about in either book. (Knox is... complicated and I’ll touch more on him in the spoiler-y section)

The ending was a serious downer. I was crying in anger and frustration for at least a couple of days after, and it took me months to pick up the sequel, because of it.

Speaking about the sequel... it was just mediocre. I was hoping it would redeem the ending of Proxy, but it doesn’t. It’s not the worst thing I have read, by far, but it’s not the best either. We get a little bit more gayness, but that also ultimately felt underwhelming (again, more on this in the spoilery section - also btw do not read the backcover of this book before reading Proxy, I’m pretty sure it spoils Proxy quite a bit.) 

On top of that, I thought the politics of this book were very confused and unclear, until the very end and even then it was still just this vaguely humanitarian message without any specifics or ideology. On top of that, the main characters didn’t even end up contributing to anything. I mean they tried, but mostly stuff happened around them and at the end, it turned out that they couldn’t even do anything biggest problem they were trying to solve. The book also dragged and it took me soooo long to read it because I barely even wanted to open it.

Another thing I hated about Guardian - and I can’t remember if this was this was the case for Proxy as I read it so long - was that there was constant head-hopping between the three MCs’ POVs. And I mean paragraph to paragraph, and sometimes even sentence to sentence. That was not a fun reading experience.

So was there anything I did like about Guardian? Sure. There were some good ideas, I liked what happens with the Guardians/nopes by the end, Marie is a badass, and the romance - despite my issues with it - is ultimately kinda cute.

So before I go into the spoilers (that part will be short, there’s basically only three things I want to talk about), what’s my ultimate conclusion?

Well, I would say that if you want a dystopian series that breaks the mould from the typical straight white girl protagonist (Syd is not only gay, but also black), has kind of cute m/m romance, a badass female MC, and some interesting ideas - consider giving this a read. The writing is decent, and if you don’t think any of the stuff I mentioned will be a deal-breaker for you, you’ll probably have good enough time.

However, if what you are looking for is a YA book with coherent and consistent politics throughout, MCs that end up effecting the plot by the end, no heartbreak, and and a really good queer romance... maybe skip this one. 

Now for the spoilers:

So 1. Knox’s sexuality:

Knox starts out as a typical straight guy who admits he would hook up with basically any girl above a 5/10. Knowing that the protagonist is gay, I really did think the book was setting Knox up for a queer awakening. Perhaps he’d realize he’s bisexual or pansexual, and fall for Syd. 

And while I’m not saying there’s nothing to suggest he might be, if you turn the book sideways and squint at it - he does end up doing some not-so-straight stuff with Syd, including straight-up making out with him - but none of that is portrayed as him struggling with his sexuality. He even says “no homo” (well, not in those wordsm, but the equivalent) when kissing Syd and even according to Syd the kiss was more because Knox is a drama queen. Him possibly having feelings for Marie was more played up, and the idea that he might be into Syd was more usded as a manipulation tactic on Knox’s side and something Syd and Marie would tease him about.

I’m too lazy to find the actual post, but the author was asked about Knox’s sexuality on his tumblr, and he said something along the lines of “Knox is knoxsexaual - he’s attracted to the way he sees himself through other people’s eyes”; and at other points said that people are allowed to interpret Knox’s sexuality however we want. Which... no offense to Alex London, I’m sure he’s great guy to go grab a cup of coffee with, but that’s a cheap cop out. If you want to write a bisexual character, write a bisexual character. If you want to write a straight character, who is willing to use his attractiveness to manipulate others - even men - to get what he wants, write that character. But don’t do this. It’s annoying and nobody wants it. It’s not real rep and it’s not even something that many people will relate to. I just don’t... get it. 

Anyway, if you ask me, Knox is bi and he fell for Syd.

Moving on:

2. The ending of Proxy: Knox dies.

It was supposed to be Syd, but because of a blood transfusion, Knox also had the virus that would destroy the networks, so he sacrifices himself to let Syd live and make up for what Syd had to endure as his proxy, and dies. And he dies hard, he straight up evaporates from the radiation. He doesn’t come back in any form (except in Syd’s hallucinations) in the sequel either. Seeing as Knox was my favorite character, and the one I thought would be most interesting to explore, him dying like that was not fun, to say the least. I was angry and frustrated and I hate everything.

3. The romance.

In Guardian we’re introduced to Liam - a 17yo redheaded child-soldier with a metal arm, who becomes Syd’s personal bodyguard, now that Syd is the symbol of the Revolution (despite Knox being the one to die for it, but that’s a secret only a few people know) and loads of people want him dead for it.

Liam was already fighting an uphill battle for my affection, as he came into the picture to replace Knox, and as I said - Knox was my favorite character. Thankfully, Liam managed to quickly grow on me. The romance however.... well, it’s pretty one-sided for most of the book and even when Syd reveals he knows about Liam’s feelings it’s not really clear how Syd himself feels about him. Nothing truly romantic until the last three(1) chapters happens and even then it’s a short kiss that’s not really there to resolve any kind of mutual longing, but rather to motivate Liam not to die. And the end is hinted that if Syd makes it, they will become a couple.

It’s not a bad romance, by any means. It’s cute, and I certainly wouldn’t go as far as to say that I see no reasons for them to be attracted to one-another as is the case with some other dystopian series (*cough* Delirium *cough*). But ultimately my issue is that... I’m not sure that these two would be together under any other circumstances.

There are no other gay/bi guys around, and Syd and Liam were pushed together by circumstances. It just makes me wonder if they would’ve fallen for one another if they had more dating options and if they had met in some alternative universe where Liam isn’t a child soldier and Syd doesn’t need quite as much protection. Perhaps you could argue this wasn’t really the point, and that they are just two young men finding themselves... but it’s the last book in the series. I don’t expect fiction to be realistic, that’s why it’s called fiction. I guess I just want my fictional romances to be a little more... romantic.