#or maybe he just knows she's too smart for that

[amywritesthings]

press four for more options. | part one.

( Read on AO3 )

Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 4.6k Summary: After seeing your ex with his new girl at a work party, you take the not-so-smart advice from a friend to call a sex hotline to get over him. Your match? A baritone bossy dom named Levi.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - alternate universe (modern), slow burn, eventual smut, sex work, phone sex, dirty talk, dom!levi, light dom/sub Credits: dividers by @saradika-graphics

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest singles near your area.”

God, even the automated voice sounds porn-y.

A breathy feminine voice straight out of a 1975 VHS tape croons into the dead air of your small apartment bedroom, setting your nerves on edge.

God forbid the noise travels through the walls into your next-door neighbor's bedroom. Harriet and Miro do not need to hear what you’re up to this Friday evening.

Maybe, up to this Friday evening.

You haven’t decided yet, though one could argue that calling was half the battle.

Dressed head-to-toe in an emerald cocktail dress with a face full of tear-stricken makeup, you feel utterly ridiculous sitting at the foot of your bed — not even the edge of the mattress, but the goddamn floor.

Even your black heels, now scuffed from someone stepping on them on your way out to fetch a cab, remain dangling at your toes.

(As non-committal as your last relationship, ironically enough.)

The experts say don’t shit where you eat. Dating someone you work with typically goes up in flames as fast as a rogue wildfire — and you should have listened to all of the warning signs, but Porco Galliard had been so damn charming that you’d forgotten just about everything.

Including your dignity, apparently, since you seemed to conveniently forget the part where he has had an on-again, off-again relationship with Pieck Finger well before you got hired at this place.

Not exactly side chick behavior, since he technically didn’t cheat, but the sting of being second place before the race even started lingered deep.

(Didn’t you know? He always chooses Pieck. It’s just one of those things.)

Well, no missing that now.

Especially since the two of them were so cozy at the annual shareholder event — right in front of your fucking salad.

The event’s slated to end at eleven so you’ve been nursing a wild array of drinks since seven, with little breaks.

In retrospect, the napkin with scribbled chicken scratch that Annie Leonhart, your closest colleague, shoved into your hand in the midst of your brooding at the bar may have been a joke:

You need to loosen up. Call this stupid sex line and get that stick out of your ass.

She wasn’t kidding. 

Every muscle in your body is too taut, including your brain.

So you took a cab, stumbled into your apartment, and landed — here.

Your phone sits right in front of you next to one of your half-worn heels, on speaker at the lowest setting.

Maybe it’s best to let the pre-recording list the entire numerical menu.

Maybe it’ll deter you from pressing anything at all.

“If you already know your match’s extension, press one.”

Yeah, that wasn’t happening.

You tap the napkin carelessly against the stem of your glass of wine, contemplating exactly how Annie Leonhart managed to find the information for this service to begin with.

Did she already have a match?

Did she regularly call them to blow off some steam?

She's always so chill. It would make sense.

There’s a chance this is a nasty prank at your lowest moment, but you don’t think Annie cares enough about other people to plan such a masterful takedown. 

At the work event, she seemed pretty serious about the legitimacy of Scout Services Hotline, and honestly?

Even if you had been drinking all night at the event, you were going to need way more liquid courage to even consider trying your hand at calling a sex line to quell weekend loneliness.

So naturally, you opened a new bottle of wine.

At the first glass of wine, you still weren’t ready.

The second? The napkin sat adjacent to your laptop as you played compilations of sad break-up songs further aggravating your spiraling depression.

The third was the charm to get you to pick up the fucking phone to see what the fuss was all about.

“If you’re looking for someone specific — whether it’s the man, woman, or person of your dreams — press two.”

Tempting.

Your finger reaches out for the ‘2’ on your screen, but you wait it out.

“If you don’t have a preference for your delicious match, press three.”

“You could’ve done without the delicious part,” you mumble to yourself, picking up the glass of wine to take a generous sip. An involuntary grimace tugs at your cheeks.

“If you’re looking to speak with one of our representatives or need more assistance, press four for more options.”

For a solid five minutes you wait.

Contemplating.

Deciding.

You could press the red circle to hang up and go to bed.

It wouldn’t be the first time you rubbed one out and called it a night.

After all, what’s one more lonely weekend?

The spiel starts up again on a loop with the same seductive, breathy feminine voice.

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest—”

You smash a button, but you’re not sure which one you’ve clicked.

Before you can lean over to see on your screen, a different feminine voice comes over the speaker.

It’s a little higher pitched than the menu screen voice, but it’s still inviting. Warm.

“Thank you for choosing the Scout Services Hotline. You’re speaking to Petra. May I have the pleasure of knowing the name of the person I’m speaking to this evening?”

A name.

You should give a name that isn’t your real name.

But technically wouldn’t your name be on the credit card if you go through with this anyway?

“You can give a nickname, too, if that makes you feel better,” the woman named Petra adds as if she's a mind reader, breaking the running silence on your end of the line. “A lot of our clients like giving a fake name for security and anonymity.”

“Doesn’t that break once you put in your credit card information?” you blurt, not realizing the thought has spilled on your lips.

Petra laughs musically.

“Technically yes, but if you prefer to be called something, then we’ll be sure to add that to your profile. I take it it's your first time calling.”

Why are you doing this again?

“Painfully obvious, right?” you lament, staring down at the scribble on the napkin. 

Did Annie have a fake name with this service?

“Not painfully at all,” Petra promises. “It’s a learning curve. So what may I call you?”

Real or fake?

Committed or just testing the waters?

“Scarlet?” you suggest, wincing immediately at the on-the-nose literary reference.

Letters, passion, blah blah love — it’s about the only creative thing your wine-addled brain can muster.

“I like Scarlet,” she hums, and immediately your brain is set on fire.

Are you going to be seriously this easy?

“Are you female, male, non-binary, genderfluid, prefer not to say…?”

“Female.”

"Pronouns?"

"Um, she and her."

“And you’re over eighteen?”

“Definitely over eighteen.”

“Perfect. So, Scarlet — did you have a preference on who you wish to speak to today? If you have a fantasy you wish to fulfill, then I can select someone for you.”

You want to scream.

Neurons fire as you try to come up with a cool and collected answer, only to allow the elixir of truth on your tongue to spill the beans.

“Just someone who’s got their shit together, honestly.” You exhale an awkward laugh. “I don’t know. I’m just calling because — I mean, I know you don’t care, but I like… um, deep voices? Stronger voices. Honestly I have no idea what to—”

“I have just the person.”

You pause.

Blink.

But you didn’t even describe anyone, not really.

A voice, maybe, if they cater to kinks of that nature.

You can only imagine they do — it’s a sex hotline, for crying out loud.

“Wait, you do?”

“Mhm!” she perkily states. “Is a man alright for this evening?”

A man with a deep voice who allegedly has his pretend shit together.

Granted it isn’t the opposite of Porco, he’s fairly capable at his job and out living his life just fine, but maybe you were just looking for a copy.

(Or a clue.)

“A man is… fine,” you hesitate. “Wait, so when do I give you my credit card information? My friend hooked me up with this, um — I don’t know if you have her name or if I should even say it, I know there’s probably some confidentiality—”

“Hold that thought,” Petra interrupts cheerfully. “You get the first fifteen-minute session for free, actually — you called just in time before our first-timer coupon expires.”

You can’t hide your surprise.

“Really?”

“Really!”

Ha, your fucking luck.

“If you're enjoying the call, just tell your match and we can set up your card and keep it going. All we ask is that you take a survey after your session. Then you’ll be in our system with this phone number! We’ll never solicit you for calls, but it’ll make the process faster the next time should you call our hotline again.”

You drop your head back on your mattress, sighing heavily.

“...okay, yeah. That sounds great.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Give me one moment, Scarlet,” Petra giggles.

You hear something shift on her side. 

Maybe she’s swiveling her chair. Are they located in an actual office building?

God, an office where people just do this for a living sounds larger than life.

“I’ll connect you with your match in a moment.”

Then the line cuts out to the opening notes to Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On, and you’re pretty sure you’re this close to chugging the rest of this bottle in one gulp.

“Is this seriously what you do on weekends, Annie?” you mumble to yourself, enduring the brutality of the waiting music while Petra connects you to your alleged match.

A man with a deep voice who has his shit together.

Is that even a real kink?

Has the bar really gotten that low?

Should you have described someone’s appearance? It wasn’t like it mattered over the phone.

As soon as it gets to the high note of the song, the line cuts again — silence.

Immediately you scramble to sit up taller, your hands fumbling to grab the phone from the floor.

You bring it up to your face, cupping the device in both palms to muffle the noise if it becomes downright pornographic in seconds.

Moment of truth.

With bated breath you wait — the person on the other line sighs, heavy and deep, before answering with the most nonchalant tone.

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re speaking with Levi. May I ask whom I have the pleasure of speaking to?”

Holy fuck.

Immediately you forget your own voice listening to the hum of the receiver.

While you’ve only joked in passing that you have a voice kink, it’s screaming in neon lights here and now: this man’s voice may be monotone, but there is a growl to it. 

A rumbling.

At this very moment, you completely forget that this man is on speaker phone and you’ve just returned home from the worst work event in the world.

You don’t have an ex-boyfriend.

You don’t even know your home address.

You’re simply… existing, lips parted, taking in the sheer tingle rolling through your torso.

“You there?”

Right, you’re meant to talk back.

“Huh? Oh — yes! Yeah,” you recover poorly. “Hi. It’s, um, it’s Scarlet.”

“Mm, Scarlet… Scarlet, Scarlet, Scarlet…”

The way the name drags along his tongue nearly makes your mouth water. 

His voice — Levi — is smooth, like the velvet on your dress you’ve yet to take off.

“A pretty name for a pretty thing like you.” Something ruffles and Levi makes a small noise on the other end, likened to a cut-off hum. “Tell me what you look like, Scarlet.”

All you can do is stare at a chip in your wooden dresser directly across from you, listening to him speak.

“I’m…” 

What do you even say? 

How come you have to say anything at all? 

Can’t he just read a takeout menu to you and call it a night?

Before you can answer, there’s an amused huff. “Someone’s nervous.”

Your face turns — well, a certain shade of scarlet.

“Ha. Sorry, I’ve—”

“Never done this before?” he finishes for you.

How mortifying. 

“Is it that obvious?”

“It’s cute,” he relents, and you feel your face turn a degree hotter. “Don’t worry — I’ve been told I’m a great teacher, so you’re in good hands.”

“You’ll have your work cut out of you, trust me,” you breathe, feeling like you’ve been injected with an overdose of a truth serum. “Because I just got home from this stupid work event. My ex-boyfriend brought his new girlfriend — who also works with us — as his date — yay, me — except I feel like I was the side-piece-in-waiting for them. So he’s off getting laid and I’m calling a complete stranger on a random Friday because my work colleague recommended this phone sex hotline for a quick solution.”

Silence.

You blink twice as dread settles in your cut. You tap the phone off of speaker and push the device close to your ear, balancing it with your shoulder.

Did you scare him away? 

Was that too much of a depressive dump? 

You suddenly want to crawl under your bed frame and hide there forever.

But then — a gentle chuckle sounds from the other end of the line, and arousal shoots straight to your lower belly.

“Good thing all of the dirty talk is my job, then,” he muses. “You’re supposed to lay back and listen.”

“Listen?”

“Yeah, unless you weren’t looking to get bossed around.”

It isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever heard, that’s for sure.

“If I’m honest with you, Levi, I don’t know what I’m looking for,” you confess, running a hand down your face.

“Then let me figure it out for you. We have time.”

The man calling himself Levi pauses on the other end.

“Did you want to get fucked, Scarlet?”

Well, shit, he didn’t have to say it like that.

“Yes,” you blurt without thinking, then fumbling to recover. “I mean— Sorry, clearly I called thinking about sex, and your voice is extremely lovely and actually very hot—”

“Oh, you think so?” Levi interrupts, honey-smooth voice humming with amusement with that same hum that’s going to make you scream.

“Absolutely. Completely. Are you serious?” you sputter. “You’re like an ASMR wet dream.”

“A what?”

“A wet dream?”

“No, the other thing — ASMR?”

“Um, like when people make really niche quiet noises to a microphone with their mouths, and it gives you the tingly sensation in the back of your head.”

“Interesting,” Levi says. “So are you saying that’s what I do to you?”

For the umpteenth time, your brain blanks.

God, you could scream into your pillow.

If you weren’t so afraid you’d forget to mute your microphone first, then you already would be.

“Yes! — I mean, yes, but — wait, can we just pause this for a second?”

For a moment he doesn’t answer, but the tone of his voice shifts: still just as sultry, but with a hint of confusion and a dash of concern. 

“Of course. Is everything alright?”

No, this entire night is weird.

If you don’t say something, then this is going to just keep looping and wasting his time.

“Okay,” you start, mustering the courage to get through your speech, “I know I’m spoiling the first-caller coupon for a free call and I’m sorry, I’ll totally pay for the session since you’re great and sound insanely hot and I’m sure you’re amazing at your job, but I just…” 

You trail off, collecting your swimming thoughts.

“...I’m something like six or seven drinks in, I am craving potato chips, and I’d really like to just talk to someone for a few minutes.”

There.

It’s out in the open, your confession to the liminal altar.

You half-expect him to hang up rather than wasting his time with someone like you, but to your surprise, there is no click. No call ended. No new automated message.

“Six or seven is a lot,” he comments, and you can picture a brow furrow even if he doesn’t have a face. “Does this mean you handle your liquor, or is this a one-off rager?”

“I think I’m only still functioning because I ate my weight in dinner rolls at the party.”

“Do you have a glass or bottle of water near you?”

The switch up lessens the tension in your shoulder blades in an instant.

His voice is just as crooning, deep and inviting, but it’s nice to simply be asked.

“Nope.”

His voice sharply changes, authoritative and firm. “Then go get one.”

The demand does something to you. 

Without thinking twice you begin to rock up on your heels, standing at full height.

“Okay, Mr. Bossy.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asks with a sprinkle of sarcasm. “Someone who has their shit together, if I read the notes right.”

“They write that stuff down?” you ask genuinely, minding your step as you pad barefoot across your apartment to your fridge.

“It’s your session,” he reminds softly. “We do whatever it is you want to do.”

“Even if it’s just to talk?”

“You’d be amazed at how many people call just to talk. Though I can’t say it’s my specialty.”

“No?”

“No. I’m not much of a small talker.”

The refrigerator door swings wide. “What’s your specialty, then?”

“Kink play, mostly. Dom and Sub. Guided masturbation. Edging. Making decisions for people who want to forget about making them for a while.”

One second the bottle of water is in your hand.

Next it’s on the floor.

“That’s, uh… a wide array of specialties,” you say. “And your rate, it’s…?”

“Not cheap.”

“Got it. So I’m really flubbing this free call.”

It’s small, but you hear a chuckle on the other end. “You said you wanted to talk, Scarlet, so we’re talking.”

Bending to grab your water bottle, you untwist the cap.

“Does this bother you, wasting your time talking?”

“You’re not wasting my time, Scarlet,” he says with such a promise that you almost believe it’s genuine. “You have a pretty voice, and you’re funny.”

“Shut up.”

“You do, and you are.”

“Uh-huh. And do you talk to a lot of people during your shifts?”

“That’s confidential.”

“So a lot.”

“Confidential.”

“And the length of calls,” you test, “are they hypothetically confidential, too?”

“It’s per minute, so.”

“Per minute?” you gawk. “Jesus, I’d go bankrupt talking to you.”

“Well, premium members receive bills per half hour,” he explains. “More bang for your buck.”

“Quite literally," you mumble. "And what’s a premium subscription get you?”

“Didn’t you check out the website before calling?”

“I told you I stumbled out of my cab and called the number on my napkin, Levi,” you chide. “I didn’t exactly do my research in my sexually frustrated state.”

“Fair, can’t blame you there.”

There’s something of a grunt on the other end, like he’s stretching his arms over his head.

Maybe he’s sitting in an office chair, too, going through the motions of his profession the same way the Petra lady had been.

You keep wanting to imagine what he’s doing on the other line, but you realize you haven’t asked the titular question yet.

“Hey, Levi?”

“Yeah, baby?”

It’s breathy, a roll of thunder in his tongue.

Instead of an office chair, you imagine a man lying on his bed.

Maybe his tie is half-done, hanging loosely around his neck.

Button-down open, exposing the planes of his chest; dress trousers unbuttoned and loose around his hips, so he can easily slide a hand—

Whoa.

You stop walking back to your bedroom and blink twice. “Oh, so you like pet names.”

Your face, in miraculous humiliation, grows another degree hotter at how amused he sounds with himself. “I never said that.”

“Sure,” Levi replies with a smirk to the concession. “What is it, Scarlet?”

(Maybe you’ll permanently change your name to Scarlet after tonight if it sounds this good on a man’s lips.)

You finally unzip the side of your dress and wiggle out, before finding a cozy spot in the middle of your mattress.

“How much time do I have left on this freebie?”

“Approximately three minutes.”

Time flies when you’re too busy gawking over someone’s voice, apparently.

“Can I ask what you look like?” you finally decide, playing along.

“I’m surprised it took you this long to ask,” Levi responds, returning to that same seductive tone he’d used when he first picked up the line. “Black hair, guess it’s a little shaggier than usual. Undercut.”

You squint to your ceiling. “I’m thinking of Dimitri from Anastasia right now but with black hair.”

“I have no idea what that is.”

“You’ve seriously never seen Anastasia?”

“It’s a movie?”

“Oh my god, Levi, I’m so sorry for your childhood.”

“It’s an animated movie?” he scoffs. “Even worse.”

“You wound me,” you joke, pressing a hand over the cup of your beige bra. “What color are your eyes?”

“A gray-ish blue,” he tells you. “Sharp nose. High cheekbones. I’m a daily gym go-er, so I’m mostly lean muscle. I can probably pick you up, easily.”

So a fit man with an undercut hairstyle with gray-blue eyes and a relatively sharp face. 

Now you have a face to the image of a man lying on his bed, still in that button-down shirt and dress trousers.

His happy trail is probably dark, too, disappearing just under the waistband of his boxer briefs.

Or boxers?

Maybe nothing.

Your hand moves on its own accord to the waistband of your panties, toying with the fabric.

Contemplating.

Wondering if it’s wrong — when it really shouldn’t be wrong at all.

“You sound handsome,” you murmur. “I wouldn’t mind being picked up.”

“Wouldn’t be the only thing I’d do to you,” he flippantly states, and your brain blanks to pure putty. “You sound a little more winded than before. Doing alright over there, party animal?”

“It’s late,” you lie even when you damn well know you don’t have to lie. “Lots of drinking, first water of the night, lying down…”

“Better make it two waters before you fall asleep,” Levi states. “That’s an order, Scarlet.”

“Uh-huh.”

Your hand dips under your underwear, testing the waters.

But—

“Final sixty seconds,” he adds. “Any last words you want to get in before the line disconnects?”

“Only one minute left?” you protest, ripping your hand out of your underwear to pull the phone away from your ear.

14:02

So it really had been a fifteen-minute call.

God damnit.

Tapping the speaker icon once more, you stare at your phone and press your tongue against the inside of your cheek.

“What’s your extension?”

Because you have to know.

Even if you don’t call again, it’s a comfort to have it on hand.

Levi waits a moment before responding.

“Two-five-one-two.”

2512.

You swipe away from the call to quickly pull up your notes app, tapping the number down with a noted reminder: the guy with the hot voice!

“Are you going to call me again, Scarlet?”

You open your mouth, but you struggle with an answer.

(You only have a few seconds! Think, idiot, think!)

“I’m not sure if—”

Click.

“Hello? Levi?”

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. Please stay on the line for a quick two-minute survey so we can better serve your fantasies in the future.”

Out of time.

You drop your phone to your stomach and groan.

Instead of calling back, you close your eyes — and, not before long, fall asleep to a dream of only one voice.

.

.

— —

.

.

    Saturday is a wash.

You wake late, missing an invitation to brunch.

For the better half of the day, you wonder about him.

Levi.

Your arbitrary match that doesn't feel so arbitrary anymore.

(It's placebo effect, you tell yourself. They're supposed to make you feel wanted.)

Punishing yourself for your excessive liquor and stupid plans, you trudge to your local gym and do your best to stay focused on your workout.

Every nameless person with dark hair that walks past you on the sidewalk from your apartment; anyone could be him.

The man waiting in line at the coffee shop.

The man who accidentally walked into you while you were switching the song on your playlist at the crosswalk.

The man weight training in the corner of the room, fringe cascading down his face as he drips sweat.

You keep the napkin in your gym bag, then transfer it to your purse as you run errands.

You could call.

It isn’t like you’re strapped for cash at the moment.

Granted it’s very wish fulfillment and it isn’t like he’s actually into you, but the attention is nice.

Besides — you haven’t thought of your ex once since you woke up.

Annie texts you twice within ten minutes of each message, which is unheard for her.

 [A. LEONHART]: So? Did you call?

[A. LEONHART]: Hello, earth to moron. At least like my message to tell me you’re alive. I’m not being interviewed by Dateline for you.

(Ah, there she is. Classic Annie.)

 [YOU]: Yeah, I called. Not sure if it’s my thing.

[A. LEONHART]: Sometimes they match you with a dud. 2nd time’s the charm ;)

[YOU]: Do you ever use someone’s extension?

[A. LEONHART]: Duh. I’m a regular of one guy.

Okay, so she talks to a guy. Something grips your stomach as you type your reply.

 [YOU]: Can I ask his name?

[A. LEONHART]: Why, so we don’t eiffel tower this?

[YOU]: jfc annie

[A. LEONHART]: lmao his name is Bert

    So not Levi.

For some odd reason, you breathe a sigh of relief as you close out of your messages.

Maybe you're one of a million, but at least you're not sharing with Annie.

Once you return home from your errands, it's close to dinnertime.

You cook something simple for yourself, occasionally glancing over at your purse like you can x-ray vision through the fabric to see the napkin.

Then again, it isn’t like you actually need the napkin.

The number is already in your phone.

Pulling out your device, you set it on the kitchen counter and draw a slow, calculative inhale.

One more call can’t hurt.

Levi may not even be working.

Hell, he could be talking to someone else. 

A regular.

Several regulars.

For over five minutes you stare down at your most recent calls list, willing yourself to just get brave for one second to press the button.

(It isn’t like Porco’s going to call you.)

The soured thought propels your hand without thinking, fingertip pressing the green phone icon faster than you can think. 

You brace for the ringtone, fists balled tight on the cool kitchen surface.

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest singles near your area. If you already know your match’s extension, press one.”

You continue staring.

Are you really doing this?

It isn’t like it means anything, which is exactly what you need with the upcoming work week.

A distraction.

A very expensive distraction, but hey — you’ll avoid takeout for a few weeks.

How bad can it get?

“If you’re looking for someone specific —”

You press one.

.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading part one of my zany little 'Sleepless in Seattle' modern au! This has been a bluesky idea for a while now, and I needed a little reprieve from my other angsty Levi longfic silver underground, so I hope you enjoyed the ride.

There will be actual smut in part two, but as a Reader!Writer I had the thought of 'would I be suave enough to do the first phone call flawlessly or totally waste my free coupon'? and this chapter was born, lol. I promise this is not Porco slander.

Thank you for likes, and even more love to those who choose to reblog this to help spread the word of this new series or reply in the comments. ilu xo

[moonydustx]

How about Law x Female Reader, where they switch bodies. It could be unexpected or intentional from Law. There's smut, spicy, and reaction from the Heart Pirates. Before the smut scene, both Law and Reader experience their daily life in their new bodies.😊😂

Hi Hi! All good? I saw your requests and I loved them all, I will do my best to deliver them soon. Just a small observation, maybe I'll do them in just one part (or two at most), I hope you don't hate me for it. Well, let's go!

I believe it would be an intentional change, but I made a small adaptation to your suggestion. And, probably part two would be them applying everything they learned about their loved one's body (that is, more smut)

And yes, below the cut we have a huge story

The Change

Law x F!Reader

warnings: pre-established relationship, they exchange a type of bet, mentions of harassment (nothing explicit or detailed). Smut, they talk a lot because they are two idiots understanding how their loved one's body works. mdni

a/n: I loved writing this! Maybe I got a little lost in the smut, I confess that I have a little difficulty with this topic (but I like writing). Spoiler and a reminder because I don't know if it's clear: during the whole smut they are still in each other's bodies.

requests here | rules and guides | masterlist

Comments, reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated.

NSFW | MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

"You wouldn't survive a day in a woman's body."

Ikkaku's speech, surrounded by laughter and glasses of drink spread across the table, dictated how drunk you all were, including the captain himself, since that was one of the nights he allowed himself to have one drink or another.

"I'm sorry, how?" Shachi hung on the other side of the table, indignant at his colleague. "You wouldn't survive a day in a man's body."

"How not?" You settled down on the bench, punctuating each topic mentioned. "Cramps, hormones, stress. The list is long, I wanted to see you get through a week like this."

"They definitely couldn't handle it." Ikakku supported you.

"Captain, what do you think?" Penguin asked and all attention turned to Law, who just denied with a brief and almost imperceptible smile. "Don't tell me you're going to take their side."

"I prefer not to express my opinion." he replied, downing some of the drink

"Is that because you're on their side or because you don't want to disagree with them?" Shachi encouraged, watching you stick your tongue out at him. "The captain is too smart to pick a fight."

"He knows what's good for him." you grumbled

"The question you didn't ask is: would you survive in Bepo's place?" Law diverted the topic to the bear, who was distractingly eating.

"No, definitely not." with Bepo hearing your response and pretending to be offended, the matter ended in loud laughter.

The night passed peacefully, other crewmates joined the table and the night that was intended to relax and clear your head became a meeting - fueled by drinks and stupid topics - between all the friends present there.

The sun was about to rise when you decided to return to Polar Tang and before you could follow the corridor that led to the room you shared with Ikkaku, you felt two arms pull you back and your back hit something.

"Hmm, it looks like tonight I'll sleep alone, see you tomorrow." your roommate laughed and waved.

"I feel sorry for the captain, now she's going to make him pay for not taking sides." Shachi teased the two of you, also leaving and leaving the hallway alone.

Amidst not very steady steps and stolen kisses when you were alone, you and Law arrived in his room. It was a rare sight to see the captain let himself get drunk, but you couldn't deny that it was at least funny and interesting.

"Well, since Shachi brought it up…" you pushed Law, who stopped sitting on the bed, supported by his elbows and watching you take off your clothes. "What's your opinion on men being able to handle being women?"

"I really can't think when you're about to get naked in front of me." he responded immediately and saw you let your arms fall, your bra remaining in the same place. "Okay, I got it, I got it." he laughed.

"Depending on your opinion, we'll stop here." Your light tone indicated that it was nothing more than a joke.

"I don't think either of you could bear to live in the other's shoes, but I have to agree that you women took this matter too seriously." he pointed out and saw you cross your arms. "What are you thinking?"

"I have an idea!" you approached him, stopping millimeters from where he was lying. Your hands went to your bra again and took it off, as well as your panties. "You'll have to live in my shoes for a week and I'll have to live in yours."

"What does that mean?" Inert to any thought other than your naked body in front of him, Law gave you space to sit on his lap. "Do you want me to change us?"

"Yes, just like you did with the Straw Hats." you proposed and saw him just watching you quietly. Trying to give him more encouragement, you moved your hips against his body. His hand, which was just resting on your thigh, dug into your flesh. "Please babe."

"How about tomorrow?" Without much effort, he turned you over on the bed and fit himself between your legs. "Now I have more pressing matters to attend to."

What little was left of the night was occupied by your tangled bodies and almost hidden moans - this was a small problem because when alcohol was in your body and his, it became much more difficult to disguise certain things.

The next morning, you woke up much later than usual. The sheet had become a big lump around you and Law still had you trapped in his arms.

"Good morning my love." you whispered, watching him sink into your neck.

"Good morning my heart." he grumbled, not having much courage to face the day.

"It's tomorrow." you pointed out and saw him finally open his eyes, unsure of what that meant. "You promised!"

"It's hard not to promise something with you like that on top of me." despite him saying that, he knew he was in trouble and that you wouldn't let it go. "Just give me time to properly wake up and we'll sort this out." and despite him grumbling, he couldn't contain his smile when he saw you excited.

After taking a shower and resolving what was most urgent, Law entered the room again, also finding you ready to face the day.

"Everything okay, can we switch?" you asked, seeing him close the door behind him.

"First some rules." he pointed out. "First, this stays between us, second, no doing anything I would never do with my body."

"That includes…"

"The list is long, if you have any doubts about what I wouldn't do with my body, please ask me." You nodded immediately. "And you, any rules?"

"To be honest, I can't think of anything very specific right now."

"Right. I'll definitely regret this." he mumbled the last part just to himself, but you laughed excitedly. "Room. Shambles."

The first thing you felt was butterflies in your stomach and a little dizziness. Soon after, an immediate strangeness took over you when you heard your voice speaking to you.

"It's normal to feel strange at first." Law, now in your body, scored. Your eyes, now his, roamed all over your body, which was also now his. "This is strange."

"Do not tell me." you were startled when you heard the thicker timbre of Law's voice, which now belonged to you. "This is fantastic."

You went to the table next to the bed and picked up the small bottle of water, downing it in one go.

"What are you doing?" Law asked, adjusting the clothes he was wearing.

"I really want to know what it's like to pee in this." You pointed to the waistband of your pants. "I think every woman has asked herself that question."

"I already regret it." he murmured and walked over to you, taking a paper from the pocket of the pants you were wearing. "Before we exchanged, I resolved most of the pending issues that needed more attention, here I left some daily tasks that I need to do."

"And you, will you know what I do?"

"Honey, I'm the captain, if I don't know what my crew members do, I don't deserve that title." He pointed out and hugged your waist, resting his head against your chest.

"Are you really doing this to see if it's as good for me as it is for you?" you pointed out and felt him nod against your skin.

"Its confortable." He knew it was one of your favorite ways to hug him, what he didn't admit was that he loved having you there in his arms too.

"I know." You said, gently grabbing his chin and bringing your lips to his.

At first it was strange, kissing the lips that once belonged to you, but now some of Law's actions were starting to make more sense to you, like having to hold back so as not to turn a small peck into a kiss and then into sex. It was supposed to be just a peck, but it only took a few seconds for your hands to get caught in his hair - again, which was once yours - and little by little your body guided his to the bed.

"No babe." Law asked and you immediately walked away. "No sex while we're changing."

"Really?" you let out a sigh, seeing him nod. Before answering, you did a quick mental calculation. Oh man, Law would definitely regret this. "We'll see!"

"We'll see?"

"Yeah, we'll see." you insisted, moving away from him. By your count, you were ovulating and it was the phase of the month in which your libido was at its highest. That would work on him, wouldn't it?

The first day seemed to be the easiest. Each one occupying a role alone, each one following their own small calendar of tasks. When the two of you passed each other, only a brief glance was exchanged.

The second day, however, was much more complicated. Perhaps due to the more reserved behavior of the two of you, some crewmates were starting to find it strange. It was starting to become almost impossible to hide some things.

"Captain!" Bepo greeted you as soon as you found him, an open map and log sitting on the table. "I needed to clear some doubts with you."

"Of course Bepo, how can I help you?" you walked closer, analyzing the map ahead.

"The log pose finishes recording in one day, and according to this map we found, we might be thrown to this island here." he pointed out. "From what we talked to some locals, it's peaceful."

"Okay and what do you need my help with?" you insisted, analyzing.

"Actually, I just wanted to check with you if we're going out tomorrow?"

"I need to think about it." you lied, in fact you needed to consult the real Law. "Can I give you that answer later?"

"Of course captain!"

"I need to sort out some other things, but if you need to, just call me." you left with a brief wave and smile in Bepo’s direction.

The second act of distrust came from Ikkaku. You and she were supposed to organize the supplies purchased on the island and generally, that was the time you used to chat. This time, however, you seemed quieter than usual. Little did she know that she was side by side with the captain the entire time.

"So, everything is alright in your little paradise?" she tried to start a conversation, seeing Law look as if there was a huge question mark between the two of them. "Your relationship with the captain, you haven't brought any news in a while."

"Everything is alright." he limited himself to saying, not knowing how much the two of you talked about it.

"I imagine so. You know, I think it's really beautiful the way you two take care of each other, even if not in front of us. You seem much happier in the last year that you've been together." She scored and returned to her tasks, still with a small doubt about her behavior.

It was at breakfast on the third day that you ended up slipping and showing off. While Law filled his plate with healthy things and a huge cup of coffee, you grabbed a few pieces of bread and started eating.

"I knew!" Shachi shouted, from across the table. "I knew it all along!"

"Know what?" you asked, trying to maintain the serious posture your boyfriend usually had.

"You two switched places." he stood up, standing behind the two of you. "Bread, we all know Law would kill himself if he ate that." he pointed to his plate. "And coffee, we know you'd rather drink poison."

"I don't believe it, it's true!" Ikkaku approached the dishes, analyzing them. "That's why you didn't want to gossip with me."

"Which is why the captain was in a good mood the other day too." Bepo scored. "I liked this idea of ​​yours."

"Law, what's it like to have boobs?" Penguin asked and almost received a collective elbow from his closest friends.

"How did they do that?" Ikkaku took the lead, only seeing the two of you looking at each other, guilty for having been discovered.

"It's just a scientific experiment, we won't give any more details." Law inveighed and saw everyone look confused.

"It's weird to see her being serious like that, like, I know it's the captain." Shachi tried to keep up and gave up. "You guys are making my head hurt."

"Imagine mine." Law pointed out, making you laugh and attracting everyone's attention.

"I didn't know the captain was capable of that." Penguin teased you as soon as he heard you laugh. "Look, it looks like magic."

"Don't be mean." You asked and stood up. "Now everyone hurry up with this breakfast, it's going to be a busy day and we'll be leaving here in…" you bent down, getting to Law's height. "Babe, the log pose has already registered the next island, when do we leave?" you whispered.

"Tomorrow." he replied, in the same low tone.

"We leave here early tomorrow." you finished, hearing your classmates applaud.

"You don't do that to me." Law, in your body, was indignant, causing even more laughter.

It was lighter now that everyone knew, even if it was against the captain's wishes and led to absurd jokes - and equally absurd questions - but it made your day easier.

That day, you would begin to put your plan into practice. You put on the clothes that you knew would tease you - in fact, would tease Law on your body. Perfume, some buttons open on the shirt, leaving the tattoos showing. Damn, it was hard to stay in your boyfriend's body.

You just didn't expect to see him show up at the meeting point on the island in a short outfit that you only wore in two situations. First, when you were off duty and boarding the Polar Tang and second, when you knew you were going out for a walk and that Law would be your shadow. That situation didn't apply today, but perhaps it would serve as a good lesson.

"What outfit is that?" you asked and saw him move, showing off his clothes.

"Since you guys changed, I thought it would be cool to show him the practicality of women's clothing." Ikkaku winked discreetly at you. Apparently, you and your friend had the same plan.

"I won't deny it, it's fresh." Law just said, the fabric against his body. You stood up and adjusted your shirt and hair, attracting Law's attention. "And you, don't you think it's a little too much."

"No." you replied with a cynical smile. "Good, assigned tasks, we'll meet later."

You hoped everything would work out and you trusted your crewmates too much to know that despite all the jokes, they would help Law just as he would help you. You just didn't expect that when you found yourself again, you would see a Law wrapped in a cape, walking furiously towards you.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?" He prostrated himself in front of you, watching you laugh.

"Where did you go?" you asked Ikkaku, who was laughing right behind him.

"Only in some sales. Because we need some medicines that we didn't find in the previous purchase, we also need to resort to some not so friendly contacts." she explained.

"You will never, ever go out anywhere like that again." he barked and because it was about being in your body, being smaller than you were in his body, it made the fight cute from your point of view. If it were the other way around, you would be furious. "Better, you don't go out without me by your side."

"Was it that serious?"

"Just some idiots, nothing that was actually dangerous." Ikkaku ignored Law's drama and explained it to you. "He beat some of them up."

"That reminds me that you need to train more, they almost managed to restrain me." Law continued. You just reached out your hand and caressed the top of his head, making him even more irritated.

"Now go tell your little friends how cool it is to be a woman." you pissed him off even more

Night fell quickly and after Law's little drama, you didn't see him around anymore. Except when you went to sleep and found him in the bedroom, trying to reach his shoulder.

"Problems?" you asked, seeing his attentive eyes reach you.

"Just a little soreness in my shoulder after today's fight." he pointed out and you went to him on the bed, sitting immediately behind and taking the role for yourself. "My heart, I'm serious."

"What's serious?" before he continued speaking, an involuntary moan escaped his lips as soon as you began massaging the sore spot. "Were you saying something?"

"That is good." he murmured, throwing his head to the side and giving you more space to work. "But back to the subject, I felt scared today. I know I could take those guys down in seconds, but there was something holding me back, I think it was sensations from your own body."

"I know, I've been feeling some things that I know belong more to your body than to myself." You explained, seeing him nod. "This fear, well, it's common. Every time I meet these types of people I feel this fear, but it doesn't stop me from fighting."

"I need to make some changes, you and Ikkaku will never take on this kind of task again, it's disgusting." he punctuated and gasped when he felt your lips press against the base of his neck.

"This is also a feeling that I know belongs more to my body than your mind." You laughed, letting your lips slide under the skin of his back that once belonged to you.

The shoulder massage began to turn into wet kisses under the skin, your hands slid down his side. One, tracing small pieces of exposed skin and the other, attaching it to his hair and leaving the space that your mouth explored clean. Seeing Law move his hips against the fabric of the bed, you couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you want to review the sex rule?" you whispered in his ear, seeing him gasp. "I know what you want."

"Not yet, just a few days left." Even though the tone of voice betrayed him, Law remained firm in his decision.

At least that's what he thought, or what he wanted.

The worst part about switching bodies, in his view, was that he knew what his body liked - and consequently, you knew about yours. The small problem is that the things that Law liked and that he could use your body to provoke were either too intimate and would give away his plans to you or, if done in a more public place, would arouse an almost crazy jealousy in him - regardless of the body he occupied. As for you, you could take advantage of the fact that firstly: Law was starting to feel his hormones raging, secondly: you didn't need much to attract his attention.

With each touch you gave his body, each time he woke up, you allowed your hands to travel to the places you knew he would like. With each small gesture you saw the small thread that held his sanity inside his body slip away.

The proposal ended the next day, so on the last night you made your final move. The wet body, the tattoos on display and a small towel around his waist was enough.

Law approached you and touched your chest, almost testing what he could feel.

"Okay, I give up on the sex rule." He stated, allowing his hands to find the back of your neck and he stood on his toes to give you a brief kiss. "I'm going to explode if you don't fuck me now."

Without giving space for many thoughts to take over you, you took Law's lips immediately. No calm, no delicacy. Fiercely, your tongue invaded his mouth and you could feel his nails grab the back of your neck, wanting more and more.

A growl escaped you as you felt your cock throb just from that kiss. It was too much for you to bear for long, something inside your body made you want to put Law on your knees and watch him taste what you kept there behind the small towel. Reading your thoughts, you felt his soft hands slide down your back, across your abdomen and one of them rested on top of your cock, stroking lightly over the fabric.

"It feels good, doesn't it?" his voice came out a few tones lower when he disconnected from your mouth, a small thread of saliva that connected the two of you broke. "I can bet it almost hurts just from kissing, you can feel it here." He pressed the part of your skin where the path to happiness was drawn. "You can feel it here too." He let one of his hands enter through the gap in the towel and slide down the entire length of your cock.

"Two can play this game." you pointed out, your hand that was gently holding his hair, squeezed tightly. "The interesting thing is that I thought only I had this kind of desire, but now in your body, it's as if I have to control every instinct."

"What do you want?" the smile on his lips indicated that he at least suspected what was going on.

Relaxing your grip on his hair, you once again took Law's lips to yours, Saliva and lust connected the two of you and for a brief moment, you wished you were a third person, just so you could watch what the two of you were doing.

Your mouth slid to the edge of his ear, some hickey marks being traced on your skin.

"Get on your knees for me, now." you whispered firmly and without even hesitating, you saw him fulfill the request. "I bet you're wet just thinking about it, am I wrong?" you saw him deny it as he pulled back the towel and stared at the dick in front of him. "I could make you beg…" your hands found his hair and a moan escaped your lips as his tongue slid down the entire length. "I could make you choke and I bet your pretty pussy clenches at the thought."

"So we can actually feel each other's instincts? Interesting." Law scored before swallowing your entire cock in one go.

At the same time that the sensation seemed to make you ready to combust, the breath and fresh saliva against your cock left you tied to this earth. You had to control yourself not to push further, to not make him feel even more of you.

The sensation was strange to Law, but at the same time, he couldn't deny that it felt good, that it caused a burning sensation in his center, that made him want to slide his fingers between his legs and give him some of the pleasure you felt but that could wait a little longer.

"Like this, babe, please… So good, take it all for me." you asked in a strangled moan, seeing him look up with innocent eyes.

So that was the vision, that was the fun he saw in having you on your knees for him. It was too good, too good until you saw his lips moving away and even with your hand still tied in his hair, Law stood up.

"I don't want to ruin our little test now." He placed a quick kiss on your lips.

"Test? So you're using this to test something?" you began to gently push him onto the bed.

"No, I'm using this for you to pleasure me, but maybe I can use some information."

"You look so hot being a nerd like that." you pointed out, fitting yourself between his legs.

"Remember: technically, you're the one who looks hot." he laughed at his own observation.

While your lips explored his body, each piece of clothing found a new destination in the room. You could worry about that later. Your hand found the soft skin of her breast and while your lips were attached to one of the nipples, the other was trapped between your fingers. You could feel Law move even more against your skin, looking for some kind of friction.

"What's wrong, honey. Is there a problem?" you let go of your breast and asked.

You felt both of his hands reach you and one of them caught in your hair, directing you back to his engorged nipple, while the other guided your hand to his panties.

"Does this little pussy need me that much?" you asked, just letting your tongue glide over her breasts. Two fingers applied pressure exactly where you knew it would provoke him, only an already soaked fabric separating you from his wet pussy. "This is what you want?"

"Don't make me ask, please." Law grunted, moving against your fingers. "Please, love, please."

"It feels like asking someone who didn't want to ask." You slid your mouth along the remaining length of his body until you reached his intimacy.

Placing a few kisses over the fabric, you saw him cover his face, in a frustrated attempt not to beg for more. God, you wish you had time to make him beg and leave him on the edge, just to watch him become a mess, but that would be for another time. Now, you could barely contain your desire to sink there.

The panties accumulated together with other discarded fabrics and you moved his legs apart, contemplating the excitement that dripped down the lips of the pussy that was now under Law's command. You expected him to beg again or at least ask. However, you watched him slide a hand between your legs, pulling his pussy lips apart and giving him a full view.

"Come here, I know you want to…Fuck!" Law barely had time to speak before you sank between his legs.

That was instinct then, you had barely thought about it before you started sucking him. You started fast, voracious, hearing some moans that were now muffled by his hand, but something pulled you back to reality: you knew exactly what he needed and liked.

You moved away a little just to have space for your hand to place there. Two fingers slid down the entire length of his vulva, lightly caressing her clitoris.

"I'm sorry." You asked, placing a kiss on his thigh. "I know this is better." you pointed out, seeing him throw his head back and muffle another moan. "Babygirl, you're barely able to handle this, and if I…" the words died in your mouth as the two fingers slid to the entrance and penetrated him, the hands on Law's mouth weren't enough to contain his loud moan. "It might be a little too much, but you're going to be a good girl and you're going to take it everything, aren't you?" with the movement of your fingers and your request, you saw him nod with a small groan. "Good girl, I can feel you squeezing me."

Without warning, you again let your lips capture the clit in front of you. In sync with the movements of your finger, little by little you can feel Law constricting you even more - his pussy squeezing you tightly, his legs almost strangling you. It didn't take long for you to feel him cum against your lips, hear him moan loudly and hold his hands against your hair, wanting to keep you trapped there.

You continued slowly, until his body was able to come back from the feeling that every orgasm brought to you. You knew what the experience was supposed to be like for him. Climbing back up, you found Law panting, hands still covering his face.

"Still with me?" you asked and saw him nod. "Need a minute?"

"It's always like that?" he asked and this time it was you who nodded. "Is that why you never let me leave early?"

"Kind of yes." You laughed, placing kisses across his face. "Condoms?"

"You never remember." he chuckled, moving his hand away from his face and allowing you to look at him. "First drawer, at the bottom." he pointed out.

Between the time it took for you to get up, put on the condom and finally slide yourself inside Law, it seemed like seconds. Seconds that could easily be replaced by the eternity you wanted to spend there. You sank into his neck, holding back your own moan as you felt the walls of his pussy around you.

Knowing that you needed a little more encouragement - and maybe concentration to not cum right away - Law let his nails lightly scratch your back, while he kissed the patch of skin he could find.

It took a while for you to understand how it worked and letting instinct guide you, it didn't take long for Law's legs to find themselves against your shoulder as you thrust hard into him.

“Fuck love, ” you groaned, letting his legs fall off your shoulder. "I can't hold it in any longer Law." Instead of speaking, Law moved away just a little and placed himself on all fours, leaving his butt stuck in your direction. "So..Like you once told me?"

"Low game, I know how it feels to see you like this." feeling the tip slide and hit your clit a few times, he just adjusted his hips and let you enter him. "Fuck, so deep. I can feel you…Give it all to me, babe."

Without giving yourself the luxury of thinking - and wrongly, without even asking after all, you knew the curiosity and desire that your body had - you moistened one of your fingers and allowed yourself to caress the other hole. The moan that left Law's lips was intense, almost guttural. You circled the small entrance a few times as you thrust. You could feel your dick throb, the pressure increasing even more each time you heard Law moan loudly.

"Please, I'm almost there. Don't stop, please." amidst sighs and throwing his hips against you, Law begged.

A few more thrusts and you felt him press against you. His shaking legs and tight pussy were enough to make you cum - and honestly, it was much more intense than you imagined.

You took off the condom and threw it in the small trash can next to the bed, eager to finally lay down next to Law and hug him. As soon as he did, you saw him snuggle against your chest and call your name softly.

"Everything is fine?"

"Why do I think I can't walk?" he asked, getting a laugh from you and him. "And why do I think everyone listened to me?"

"We were definitely heard, sorry." you asked, placing a few kisses on his head.

"Is the feeling always this strong?" he asked. "I mean, I see you like this every time, but the feeling is much more intense than the sight. And not to mention, we are two perverts in each other's bodies."

"It depends, sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less." You laughed. "And yes, maybe we are both perverts."

You were silent for a few minutes and as you already suspected it was going to happen, Law yawned and his heavy eyes turned to you.

"Tomorrow we will undo the exchange." he pointed out, his voice much softer than before.

"Yeah, tomorrow we'll undo the exchange ourselves." You sighed and turned to him.

"I can't wait to show you some things I learned."

He said and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him at that moment, it was common when you - when you were in your body - became a mess and were exhausted after a few sessions with Law. Apparently, it was no different with him.

Now, it was just a matter of counting the minutes until you were finally able to show each other the new things you had learned.

[spacerockfloater]

You know what, I didn’t need to see Ewan Mitchell in HOTD to be convinced; I knew I fucked with Aemond since the Driftmark episode.

I don’t like him because he’s hot when he’s older. I like him because he’s metal as fuck. The way he talked to the floppy four was art.

“It’s him! / It’s me.”

Boy, it sure as hell is him. He ate that line up. The fucking nerve of speaking about him without addressing him. He was so done with their bullshit.

“Your mother’s dead. And Vhagar has a new rider now.”

Gagged her ass. Like, he met her literally today. He never knew her mother, he doesn’t owe her anything. Not to mention that during the funeral he tried to approach them and offer them his condolences with the softest smile ever and they just glared daggers at him for literally no reason until he backed off. Didn’t even let him approach. They don’t even know him and they hate him! And the first thing they tell him once they finally speak to him is accusing him of theft, as if a dragon is an object btw. Like, what are they gonna do? Tell their mum? Shut up.

“Then you should have claimed her.”

Right?! As if they didn’t cross the whole ass Narrow Sea all the way to Driftmark. It’s not like Laena died yesterday. It’s been a good fucking while. They could have at least tried claiming her at this point. What was she waiting for? And please don’t tell me she was waiting for the mourning period to end because she was keeping an eye on Vhagar constantly, hence why she was immediately aware that she flew away. That dragon is on her mind 24/7, she just had no idea how to get her. And like, it’s done. If Vhagar chose Aemond, then she would have never chosen her. They weren’t destined for one another. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be mad as shit, too. At myself, that is, for not being as smart as Aemond.

“Maybe your cousins could find you a pig to ride. It would suit you.”

Ate and left no crumbs. This is a direct jab at Jace and Luc, too. Like, they grew up together as brothers and they thought it was okay to mock him for not having a dragon, but the moment they meet these random girls they are suddenly okay with Rhaena not having one and are ready to jump the boy they were raised with for their shake? How two faced. Typical bastard behaviour though. He was doing that girl a favour by letting her know what kind of people she’s got on her side.

And the fighting scene was delicious. Four vs one and he still mopped the floor with them. Maybe they should think twice before they lay hands on someone again.

Don’t come in my comments crying about me hating on children yada yada. Wake up, this is a fictional show about kids who wield nuclear weapons of mass destruction. Like, it was okay to dislike 11yo Draco Malfoy for being an obnoxious piece of shit, but disliking kids that physically attack another child with the intention of killing him is suddenly too much? Like, I don’t give a fuck. I want to see all four of them biting the curb in 4k. And please don’t start with the racist accusation bullshit. I thought Baela was a raging pick-me cunt since before the show, in Fire and Blood. And I absolutely adore Vaemond Velaryon. It’s not about race. It’s about characters.

P.S. Laena, who claimed Vhagar at 12 and chose to die by burning alive, would be absolutely ashamed about her daughter’s behaviour and lack of courage. But yeah, Daemon, being the crazy ax murderer that he is, would surely vibe with unnecessary violence. Those are his girls!

[verosikastrikerexcuser]

It’s probably just a fun wink to her fans, but the way the hate sink characters repeat criticism that people have said rubs me the wrong way. Striker saying, “Why is it always a sex thing?” and Adam yelling “too much red” when getting attacked by Alastor just feels like she’s saying, “All of my critics are hateful bigots!”

Yeah honestly its tacky. With Striker it especially annoys me because of all the other elements to his character like the fact he was a respectable cool menacing antagonist and he is against the hierarchy of hell. People got a little too fond of him for that which is illegal because it hurts the shows fave goldenboy sins and goetias 🙄 got a little too real the way he pointed out that the entire upperclasses benefit from the subjugation of imps even if they're "one of the good ones" I guess...

The three Vs, Adam, Mammon, Striker since he was made to deteriorate, Stella since shes now apparently just an idiot pawn of her brother, the cherubs, DHORKs, Chaz, arguably Crimson with some things he did... its just a lot. I do love a load of the previously mentioned characters! There's nothing wrong with having some characters like that. I thought that the cherubs and DHORKs worked well as being idiots for lighter more comedy based episodes and moments in S1, and then Striker filled the role of a more serious antagonist. I think Crimson should have served as being more serious than he was too.

But no actually instead the villains are ALL stupid idiots that get teehee dunked on! Its too much for my tastes at times. As fun as it can be, in too much excess its getting so boring. I would like these shows to maybe try having villains that aren't actually just stupid idiots getting screwed over but that are somewhat smart and have genuine menace. For once. Especially Hazbin personally since its tone seems a little less silly than Helluva is was supposed to originally be (sigh). Plus that would feel really good for S2 of Hazbin since they could contrast against Adam. Also when we have pilot Alastor we know they could make a really mysterious powerful villain. If they could do wildcard Alastor like that I see no reason why they couldn't do a powerful scary antagonist you take seriously.

[turtletaubwrites]

Numbers Game ~ Part 25

Pairings: Cross Guild x Fem!Reader x Shanks

Numbers Game Masterlist

Word Count: 4880

Ao3 Link

Ongoing Series Playlist: Youtube Music Link | Youtube Link

Summary: Dancing took a lot out of you, but maybe you can fit in a break before dinner starts. Wouldn't want to miss the party favors!

Author's Note: I am thoroughly enjoying all this uncle hatred. I wonder how you'll feel after the dance 🤔 !! CW REMINDER !! I hope y’all haven’t forgotten that the Cross Guild boys are VILLAINS!!

Alternate POV Symbols:

🌲 ~ Flashbacks from Reader's Past | 🐊 ~ Crocodile | 🗡 ~ Mihawk | 🤡 ~ Buggy | 🔴 ~ Shanks | ⏰ ~ Flashbacks for listed POV | ⚫ ~ Scenes depicting Dark Content listed in Author's Notes

!!! SPOILER WARNING !!! Fic contains spoilers for the end of the Wano arc

Rating/Warnings: Author May Choose to Exclude some Warnings to Avoid Spoilers for Certain Chapters, Explicit Sexual Content, 18+ ONLY, MDNI, AFAB!Reader, She/Her Pronouns for Reader, Reader-Insert, Use of Y/N, Dark Content, Blood & Violence, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Dissociation, Grief, Swearing, Alcohol, Cigars, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Guilt, Drama, Jealousy, Manipulation, Pet Names, Power Imbalance, Cross Guild boys are VILLAINS, Possessive Behavior, Teasing, Threats, Size Difference, Daddy Kink, Vaginal Fingering, Inappropriate Use of Akuma no Mi | Devil Fruit Powers, Shameless Shameless Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

| masterlist | about me | rules | ao3 |

~~~~~~

Hope was forgotten when your uncle’s unforgiving grip forced you to obey. 

Mihawk had carried you like a dream, like an artist holding his favorite brush.

Uncle Cedrick carried you like you were a beast to be tamed, a horse to be broken. 

“I’m impressed, Y/N,” he lied, holding you close enough to choke you on his cedarwood cologne. “You have outdone yourself. At least you’ve proven that you’re tired of being bored.”

“Everything in your world is boring.”

Your voice couldn’t reach disinterest or disgust. Just that weak, childish retort that made him chuckle. 

“I’ll be sure to let Kat know how you feel.”

He let out a tiny grunt when you stiffened, his cold fingers digging in while he fought to control you, to hold up that pretty picture for the sniveling crowd. 

“What did you—“

“What did I do,” he laughed, keeping up the pleasant façade. “Your sister has been worried about you ever since you ran off with that homicidal clown. You can’t really blame her, can you?”

“She told you…” 

“Of course, dear niece,” Uncle Cedrick soothed, cold fingers pretending to be less cruel for just a moment. “Kat knows that I’ll do anything to protect our family. You’re such a smart girl, Y/N. I’m sure you know that too.”

“Our CFO has some duties to attend to.”

“But, of course,” Uncle replied to that deadly voice, giving a nod to Crocodile. He placed your hand into that large, dangerous one that seemed to be vibrating. “I’m looking forward to our nightcap.”

You tugged on that hand like a leash when Crocodile looked ready to tear your uncle’s throat out any second.

He didn’t sell me…

“You needed me for something,” you asked, feeling foggy, lost. 

“Need a break, sweetheart?”

~~~~~~

~~~⏰🐊🐊🐊⏰~~~

Crocodile needed to break things. 

Couldn’t think. Couldn’t stop to breathe, couldn’t leave a single moment of space in his mind for thinking.

He could only think of this shitty bar that he’d terrorized everyone out of. 

Only this liquor. 

Only broken tables, broken glasses. The wood, the floors, the ugly hanging lights. Everything broken. 

I break everything.

“Gods, damn it,” he cursed, wondering how many things his voice could break. 

Crocodile’s hook felt heavy today. He stared at it until he couldn’t take the sight of it anymore, smashing it through the wooden bar, useless splinters raining around him.

His hook. 

There’d been blood on his hook. So much blood had been stolen by its sharp point. So much blood had coated the metal, dripping, dripping down.

But that blood... 

Monster. He’d already known that. Crocodile had chosen to embrace his worst desires. He wanted to be a bad man. 

He had always been a bad man. 

Monster’s are untouchable. They shouldn’t care who they hurt. They shouldn’t care whose blood…

“Fuck!”

That blood had long since been cleaned from his hook, yet he could smell it now. Pouring liquor over the deadly weapon didn’t get the stench off. Shattering bottles around the tavern couldn’t take the image out of his mind.

“I didn’t mean to…”

The only thing that could stop this feeling was acceptance. 

Get over yourself. You’re a fucking monster. That’s all you’ll ever be.

Crocodile tossed his cigar behind him as he left that unlucky tavern, letting the evidence of his regret go up in flames. 

~~~⏰🐊🐊🐊⏰~~~

~~~~~~

“Yes, please,” you nodded, keeping up a smile as Crocodile led you off the dancefloor. You assumed he’d take you to the bar, or to sit at a table, but your face went hot when you realized his destination. “Why…”

“You deserve a break, sweet girl. Let’s get you away from the leeches.”

Too many things. Too many things were happening. 

Yet you still followed Crocodile to the conference room that you’d spent most of the dizzying morning in. 

~~~~~~

~~~🐊🐊🐊~~~

“Are you alright, sweetheart,” he urged, going to his knees to touch her hair, to see her face.

“I don’t…” Y/N looked at him as if she didn’t understand what he was saying, as if nothing made sense.

“All you gotta do is tell me what you want,” Crocodile rasped. She was the only thing that made sense now. “Tell me what you want me to do to him. Tell me what you need, please.”

I’ve done it again. Violence. All I know.

“You’re not lying,” she asked, her quivering lip causing him physical pain while he held himself back from pulling her against him, forcing her to believe him. “You promise you didn’t sell me?”

His own cruel words filled his mind as he let out a strained breath, head falling back to look at the ceiling before he could move through his shame enough to answer her. 

“I promise,” he pleaded, surprised that he knew how to do it. “I wish I hadn’t been a monster to you. You’re everything to me, babygirl. I’ll do anything for you. I’ll kill every fucking leech at this stupid party. I’ll kill anyone that tries to hurt you.”

He clenched his eyes shut, struggling to stop his violent heart. Fear gripped him when he looked back at his sweet girl, his breath catching at the sight of her shaking hands, her widened eyes. 

She’s terrified of me.

This was defeat. This was what he’d sown, the pain he now reaped. 

I’m just a monster.

“I want you to be happy,” Crocodile choked, letting her go. “Whatever you want, sweetheart. I won’t force you to stay. I won’t ever force you again. If you wanna go—“

“Daddy!”

Crocodile couldn’t remember this feeling. Hadn’t known he could feel it. 

Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck, her soft breath going ragged while she seemed to struggle against tears. 

“Shh, babygirl,” he hummed, carrying her to lay across his lap as he sat against the wall, cautious with every touch to that pretty dress. “I’m right here. Daddy’s here. Just tell me what you want, it’s yours.”

It was true. He really would destroy everything just for her. Just for that beautiful spark that was returning to her eyes. 

Those lovely eyes fluttered, and she let out a sigh when her body loosened in his hold.

“I want to forget,” she whispered, her unclear words sending tension through him. He couldn’t tell what she needed. “I want you to take care of me, Daddy. Please.”

Y/N reached for his hand, pressing his palm against her chest. 

She’s hurting. She’s scared. That piece of shit is making my sweet girl sad.

“I want you to touch me, please.”

“Anything for you, sweetheart."

~~~🐊🐊🐊~~~

~~~~~~

Crocodile seemed just as surprised as you were when you giggled while helping him navigate under your dress. 

How could this frightening man feel so comforting, so soothing? 

You shoved down the worries those thoughts dragged out. Shoved down the sound of your uncle’s voice, the fear that everything was over. 

You shoved it all down, and let him take care of you. 

“My sweet girl,” he purred, leaving a barely there kiss to your temple. His extra gentle touches to keep your hair and dress from mussing made you melt in his lap, melting even more when those large fingers teased along your inner thighs.

He was so cautious, searching for you without pulling or tugging at the lovely fabric. 

“Just relax for me, babygirl,” Crocodile soothed. His fingertips were already wet after trailing them over your lace panties. “Daddy’ll take care of you. Is this what you want right now?”

“Please,” you begged weakly, needing this. Needing a fucking break. 

“Good girl,” he rasped, pushing your panties aside to plunge one of his strong fingers inside of you. 

“Gods…”

“Mm, there ya go, sweetheart.”

Trying so hard to be mindful of your appearance, you held yourself quiet, held in your movements, held in everything. 

But nothing could hold in the pleasure Crocodile was giving you. 

One finger turned into two, and his thumb teased your clit until you had to fight, failed to fight against twitching. 

He hushed, and soothed, and praised, staring down at you like you were precious.

Crocodile used to look at you like you were precious. Treasure. His most prized possession. 

This was different. There were no more cages, no more chains in those silver eyes. Whatever was there now made you shiver, until you were clenching your teeth to keep from screaming. 

His fingers could reach so far, curling around the spot that made you forget. You forgot everything but his eyes, his fingers, and his praise. Everything but the pleasure that rocked through you, arching your back.

“Squeezing my fingers so fuckin’ tight. That’s it, babydoll, you’re doing so well for me. Let Daddy take it all for you. I’m right here.”

Blissful numbness. His warmth, his voice. You would have loved to fall asleep.

“Not yet, pretty girl,” he chuckled while he took out his pocket square. Humming, he cleaned you with that expensive cloth before tucking your mess into a hidden pocket. “Unless you’ll let me kill all the vultures so you can take a nap.”

Another small, but real laugh left your throat. 

This isn’t safe. I shouldn’t feel safe. 

Yet somehow, this villainous man always made you feel safe.

~~~~~~

~~~🐊🐊🐊~~~

I have to keep her safe. I should send her away, as far from me as possible. I hurt her. 

I need her.

Crocodile was a selfish man, and hearing her laugh again made him greedy. So fucking greedy for her. 

He’d sworn to himself that he’d let her go, but he couldn’t stop. He wasn’t a good enough man to hold his tongue.

“Y/N?” 

She looked up with fear in her eyes, so he shook his head, smiling softly at her need for comfort. 

At his need to comfort her. 

“Sorry, sweet girl. I just have something to tell you,” he breathed. A buzzing feeling pushed through his body when her eyes went soft again. It felt as though he were about to lose control, to fall into a million, tiny pieces, leaving his girl with nothing but sand.

“I’ll never be a good man,” he struggled with the truth. He couldn’t lie to her, but he hoped it would be enough. “I’m a terrible man, Y/N, but I wanna be a good man to you.”

The crease between her brows could have meant so many things. He’d pushed himself, straining through those words while he held her in his arms, wanting to hold her forever, never let her go. 

“I love you, sweetheart,” Crocodile confessed, these new words slipping out as though they were always meant to, wrapping warmth around them both. “I didn’t know I could love. My heart was as dead and deadly as sand, but now I love you.”

He couldn’t resist touching her beautiful face now, his thumb tracing along her cheek. She didn’t seem to be breathing, but his words, now freed, couldn’t be stopped. 

“I don’t know what you did, Y/N, but I’m yours. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll always take care of my sweet girl, if you want—“

“Please excuse me for the interruption,” squeaked an usher through a crack in the door, their eyes going wide at the look of death on Crocodile’s face. “The dinner and show are starting, and President Buggy will be introducing you. Would you like…”

“I’d like you to get out of my sight.”

~~~🐊🐊🐊~~~

~~~~~~

The terrified staff member let out a tiny yelp before closing the door, leaving Crocodile to help you up. He went over your dress, making sure everything was in place. You hoped he wasn’t lying when he reported that your face and hair were still presentable, if that’s what, “beautiful,” meant.

Luckily, it seemed that the presence of leeches had helped you regain your ability to hold in your tears. 

Yet Crocodile had helped you let out that stress without any tears. Not all the stress though. Not even close.

He led you through the banquet hall while every eye was trained on you. The guests had all made it to their seats, and it felt like trudging through a swamp to keep that perfect smile going, holding it up while you joined Mihawk at the head table.

“Did you two have a relaxing break,” Mihawk purred when the lights went down. 

“Behave,” Crocodile teased in a hoarse whisper, and the lightness between them made you shiver. 

“Hello again, honored guests,” Buggy called, leaving his feet to hover above the stage. He lounged in the air, as though he were laying across that green, velvet couch. 

Guests were already buzzing from this small act, and you saw that satisfied smile grow on your clown’s face. 

“We have many mysterious and masterful performers here for you tonight. Please, enjoy your meal, enjoy the lovely company around you, and enjoy the delightful and dangerous show that the Cross Guild has prepared just for you.”

Applause began before he’d finished, and he bowed, taking it in before flying over the tables. The spotlight followed him, and he winked down at you before showing you all off. 

“Let me begin by introducing my executives, whose names and reputations I’m sure you already know. You have to know, don’t you? Sir Crocodile, and Dracule Mihawk!”

They glared at the crowd, and you almost laughed. 

“And most of you are already lucky enough to know our Chief Financial Officer, the lovely and talented, Miss Y/N Sylvad!”

A flood of memories of being announced at boring parties poured through your mind. Even through the spotlight, you could see those greedy faces. Your name was blood in the water, calling every shark to circle around you, just waiting to take their piece. 

Crocodile patted your back, and you realized that you’d missed the end of Buggy’s speech, lost in your own mind. 

You hated being lost in there.

Buggy sat on Mihawk’s other side, but he sent his hand behind the table until he found yours, squeezing until you gave him a small smile. 

“Breathe, little rabbit,” Mihawk rasped, his voice already enough to make you sigh. “What can we do to help when you’re overwhelmed? It’s going to be a long night.”

“Hurt me,” you whispered, huffing a laugh at the disgruntled noises the three of them made before you explained. “Just enough to get me out of my head.”

You glanced at the swordsman, finding concern on his face that you didn’t want anyone else to see. 

“You don’t happen to have a tiny sword you can poke me with if I space out, do you,” you joked, hoping to wipe that concern away.

“Actually, I do,” he chuckled, tapping a finger on the large cross pendant he wore.

“No,” you breathed, having to force your mouth to close instead of gaping at him. “That’s been a blade this whole time?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t hunt little rabbits with a cannon, now would I,” Mihawk teased, jerking his head toward Yoru. “I’ll help you stay in the moment, love.”

“Thank you,” you laughed, another real laugh. This one was cut short by the tension in Crocodile’s hushed words.

“Fuck, I forgot to tell you again,” he started, pulling away before reaching for you in front of the crowd. “We’re starting the bounties tonight, sweetheart. We’ve got—“

Music filled the space, though not too loud, as you still needed the guests to psych each other up. The sword swallowers and fire breathers alternated between hypnotic dancing, and making the crowd gasp with fear and awe at their dangerous talents.

“I know what we’re doing here,” you declared, eyes traveling over all the terrible people in the room. “People are going to die because of me. All for a few berries.”

“This isn’t just for berry, darling,” Mihawk assured, a cold anger in his voice that you could tell wasn’t for you. “The Marines have been abusing their power for far too long. They have declared war on the free of this world. That amount of unearned arrogance deserves to be punished.”

“What does earned arrogance deserve,” Buggy teased, breaking the tension, and allowing everyone to take a breath.

“Keep up the good work, and maybe you’ll find out, pretty clown.”

You had to look away from the pleased shock that took over Buggy’s face, the swordsman’s heated promise making even Crocodile chuckle. 

The sight you landed on when you scanned through the crowd gave you a headache.

Shanks was grinning, leaning in close to Uncle Cedrick, those brown eyes far too soft.

What the fuck?

~~~~~~

~~~🔴🔴🔴~~~

The red haired pirate was sipping his fourth drink instead of downing it, waiting for his prey. 

Waiting while his mind roared, Buggy’s voice echoed through his skull along with Y/N's, his lovely star. She wasn’t in the room when he'd left Buggy backstage again, and Shanks had to gulp down his panic.

Did I already fail? 

There he was.

Cedrick Sylvad glided to his seat beside him, giving an annoyingly charming smile to everyone at the table.

Is that what I look like? Fucking–

“Red Haired Shanks, I presume? Or do you prefer your other title, Emper–”

“Call me, Shanks,” he grinned, taking Cedrick’s hand while he tried to exude that image of himself he’d believed in before he came to this cursed island. “You must be Mr. Sylvad.”

He gestured to the card on the table, that dangerous name too unexpected to have been etched onto shining metal like all the others. 

“Cedrick is fine, thank you.”

Before Shanks could dig into the man’s brain, all eyes turned to her. 

Y/N managed a feat that should have been impossible. She walked beside Sir Crocodile, a giant of a man, a frightening, fascinating monster, yet she was all anyone could stare at. Shanks smiled to himself at how graceful she looked compared to when she tried to dance. 

Even as lost as she was, Y/N had something precious about her. 

~~~🔴🔴🔴~~~

~~~~~~

~~~⏰🔴🔴🔴⏰~~~

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Mr. Sylvad.”

“Please, call me Arbo.” 

It was rare for someone’s voice to carry that much ease while a known pirate was sitting before them. The man’s eyes held a warmth that seemed to draw people in, even from behind his exquisite and domineering desk. 

“How could I resist a meeting with the infamous Red Haired Shanks?”

The pirate’s breathing relaxed, sensing that the friendly banter from this lumber tycoon seemed to be genuine. 

“I don’t know about infamous, yet,” he smirked, tilting his head back and forth. “But maybe you can help me with that.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t,” Arbo apologized, a wistful smile touching his lips. 

“But I haven't told—“

“You want me to procure lumber from a Jewel Tree Adam so you can build yourself a new pirate ship, don’t you? Just like dear old dad did for Roger and Tom way back when?”

Shanks gave a shocked laugh, finding he was enjoying himself, even though his request had been declined so quickly.

“So, why can’t you follow in your dad’s footsteps? We can make it worth your while.”

Arbo shook his head, rubbing the pad of his thumb across some colored lines that marred the wood of his desk. 

“My daughter has informed me that ‘the Adam Tree’s are precious, and only bad guys would chop one down,” he chuckled, his brows lifting when he met Shanks’ gaze again. “She can be very persuasive.”

No wonder Roger liked this family.

“Guess I’m out of luck then,” Shanks laughed, letting this tiny dream go with more ease than he’d expected. “Your daughter sounds very wise, how old is she?”

“Too young for pirates,” Arbo scolded with a smile, pouring amber liquid into two glasses. “But I’m not too old to hear a few pirate tales if you’d like a stay for a drink.”

~~~⏰🔴🔴🔴⏰~~~

~~~~~~

~~~🔴🔴🔴~~~

“Why didn’t you get a fancy placard,” Shanks flirted, tapping his fork against the metal of his own nameplate. “If I know much about your family, you should have the fanciest one here.”

I can help them. I’ll help her.

“I don’t need the pomp and circumstance,” Cedrick laughed, a bit of satisfaction curling at his lips. “Seems we share that in common, Emperor.”

“If you’re making fun of my clothes, go right ahead,” Shanks smirked, smoothing his hand over the wrinkles of his nicest pants. “Although, if I make a few friends at this party, I might have more berry to spend on fancy suits.”

“There are only a handful of worthy ‘friends’ in this crowd,” he scoffed, his voice low. “Just what would a friendship with an Emperor of the Sea entail? The world is changing fast, and you—“

“Mr. Sylvad,” cooed a woman half buried in silks and furs. “I had no idea I’d be lucky enough to meet you at an event like this. Isn’t it fabulous? It’s about time something like this…”

The table attacked at that opening, pulling Y/N’s uncle into endless, simpering small talk that made Shanks want to haki the whole place just to shut them all up.

Fuck. 

“In case we don’t get the opportunity to speak later,” Cedrick hushed as he pushed a card across the table, avoiding the ridiculous amount of silverware in the way. Shanks winked, tucking it away.

It's something. 

~~~🔴🔴🔴~~~

~~~~~~

Your clown had inhaled what he could of his meal before flying down to lead the last performances. His voice, his energy, and his wit made even these judgmental assholes smile. 

He looks so happy like this. Maybe… Maybe I don’t have to—

“Ow, fuck,” you startled, shaking your hand from the sharp pain. You rubbed a thumb over the back of your hand, the tiniest pinprick of blood showing on your skin. 

“I’m sorry, love,” Mihawk rasped, his hands flexing as they stayed away. “You looked like you might cry, and you said—“

“Thank you, I’m okay,” you laughed, gasping softly when Crocodile touched your arm. Turning to your other side, his heavy eyes sent chills over your skin. 

“It’s time,” he started, and you could hear the struggle in his words, even over the music and voices bouncing through the hall. You cut him off before he could continue.

“You’re going to be a monster,” you breathed, twisting your fingers on your lap. “But not to me. Never to me.”

An almost laugh left his throat, a tentative, but pleased smirk touching his lips. 

“That’s my sweet girl.”

~~~

“Are we all sated? Or are we still ravenous for more?”

Buggy’s voice was twisted now, tempting and overwhelming. Crocodile had joined him on the stage, and the crowd went silent.

“Everyone in this room has at least one thing in common,” the clown noted, spinning a web of wicked words around the guests, pirates and leeches alike. “We all have a desire for more out of life, and we won’t let anyone stop us. No matter what kind of silly uniforms they wear.”

His gestures while he paced the stage were mesmerizing. Your shining star embodied this tantalizing image of what people wanted mania to be, and it was impossible to look away from. 

This clown had the vultures eating right out of his gloved hand. 

Buggy riled them up until they were practically frothing at the mouth before he tossed the reins to Crocodile.

“You are all people of influence,” he began with a hint of annoyance that faded as he got to work. “You know that times are changing, and we know that you’d like to keep making berry, no matter which way the wind blows.”

Crocodile was captivating in his own way, his deep voice almost taunting. Goading them into playing along, into giving him what he wanted. 

“Hear, hear,” a man called out, raising his glass until everyone toasted to money. Always money.

Silver eyes found yours, and you chewed your lip at his little smirk. Crocodile had almost caught you rolling your eyes. You started to scold yourself for not being better at hiding, but it was getting harder to stamp it out the more you saw them, the more you heard their voices.

Maybe…

“Care to lend me a hand with the party favors, Mr. President?”

Buggy cackled, his floating hands snatching the roll of mock bounties from Crocodile’s grasp. Delicious, true laughter fell from your shocked lips, even more when he dropped a poster onto the table in front of you, sneakily tugging your ear before calling everyone’s attention back to the stage. Crocodile stood beside the wheel, using his hook to tear down the large sheet that had been covering it all night.

Buggy stood on the other side, grinning while he pointed his thumbs toward the enlarged poster that was plastered to the wood. A black and white photo of a marine’s face was frowning at the crowd, with question marks in place of a reward. The buzzing in the room grew serious, until silence fell once again when that golden hook tapped against the wheel.

“Captain Tront here has been causing quite a bit of trouble for some of you, if I’m not mistaken?”

“Damned ferret.”

“He’s been a nuisance! All that trade…”

“Honestly, I don’t know what they were thinking promoting—“

“Been costing you quite a bit of berry with his crackdown on your more refined shipping operations, hasn’t he?”

Crocodile looked smug, with Buggy basking in the glow, almost giddy. 

What easy marks my old clients are turning out to be...

That name on the posters was one that you’d written down in your notes multiple times. You’d heard so many complaints about the strict Captain Tront, how he’d been cramping so much fun, keeping so much morally gray business from passing through his newly appointed territory.

More voices than you’d expected agreed with Crocodile, then gasped when Buggy floated above the stage again. 

“If this little captain is gonna keep costing you all that berry, wouldn’t it make more sense to get him off the seas, and out of your hair? Or out of your wallets,” he suggested, his voice light, but coiled with sinful temptation.

More vicious excitement moved through the hall, the vultures salivating at the promise of more money and power to hoard for themselves. 

“How much would you pay for someone to take care of this little problem for you,” Crocodile prodded, stoking the flames of their sick greed. 

An auction of sorts began, a competition for who would be responsible, who would be the hero of the day, and take credit for destroying the nasty pest. 

The ostentatious Mayor Kottley won out, a surprising contender until you remembered that he traded in bodies. That wasn’t a good that the World Government approved of, no matter how willing the bodies were. 

The slaves that the nobles stole for themselves were the exception, of course. 

As insufferable as he was, at least Kottley’s goods had chosen that line of work, and were said to be the best of the best. Not being able to send his employees out on their “business trips” had put a damper on his profits. 

“Would anyone like to add to the bounty, an extra incentive if the Cross Guild provides express service?”

The fervor with which these pigs fought to pay for a man’s death was sickening to watch. 

My work put that face on the board. I’m no better. 

“Such forward thinkers,” Buggy praised, his hands floating the contracts down to be signed by the Cross Guild’s first official clients. “You won’t be disappointed.”

Crocodile scanned the signed documents before catching your eyes again, another moment of hesitation. 

I’m a bad person too, Daddy.

~~~~~~

~~~🐊🐊🐊~~~

Please don’t be scared of me, sweetheart. Please don’t leave.

Crocodile couldn’t stall any longer, knocking loudly on the wheel once more.

“Alvida, bring out the real party favor.”

That gorgeous, wicked pirate smirked while she dragged a struggling body onto the stage, more bruised and bloodied than he’d been earlier. She must have had to keep him quiet while they waited in the wings.

There were shocked gasps, surprised laughter, and a smattering of impressed applause while the guests watched Captain Tront be strapped to the wheel. 

She’s gonna hate me.

“Since tonight is a celebration of your generous support, we’ll be holding this execution in person to show our gratitude,” Crocodile announced, noting the gluttony on all those faces. Leeches did seem to be an appropriate word for this crowd. “If you’d rather not witness the dirty work, please follow the ushers to enjoy some after dinner drinks and music down the hall. We’ll try to keep it down in here.”

He chuckled, and the laughter was echoed throughout the banquet hall. 

Not a single, wretched soul rose from their seats.

“Guess it's time for the finale,” he smirked, holding his hook to the marine’s throat. 

Crocodile couldn’t stop himself. He had to look at her.

Y/N gave him a soft smile that filled him with equal parts shame and pride. A sick pleasure that he knew he should fight. 

But he had always been a bad man. 

Maybe my sweet girl can be a sweet, little monster with me…

~~~🐊🐊🐊~~~

Likes, comments, and reblogs bring me much ✨dopamine✨ thank you!!

a/n: Morals? Who needs 'em 🤷‍♀️

Tag List: @shewrites02 | @caniseethefourthsword | @hey-august | @chaoticqueen33 | @destinationmars | @novakitten0901 | @h0n3y-l3m0n05 | @dorky-birdie | @szired | @pinejayy | @laws-wife-things | @jadeddangel | @gingernut1314 | @urlocaltwink | @blue-rae18 | @bontensbabygirl | @bbnbhm | @0-sparkling-lace-0 | @ihearthazuki | @mikisspeak | @djloveyou3000 | @mercymccann | @horse-and-writer97

Part 26

Operation Olive Branch has compiled a working spreadsheet of ways to help families fleeing from the genocide in Palestine. If you enjoyed this fic, and are able, please click the link to find a list of GoFundMe's, as well as other ways to help.

| masterlist | about me | rules | ao3 |

[multifandombullshitbabes]

Random Merlin Rewatch: Where a random number generator gives me a season and an episode from BBC Merlin; and then I comment on it as I go.

Today's episode: Season 4 Episode 7 - The Secret Sharer

Before I start, let me just say and I have done my uni exam and that's why I haven't been posting these even though I really wanted to. Not joking, I had to let my fingers rest 'cause I wrote all my notes and shit. It was a lot. Anyways, let's fucking do this.

LET'S GO INTRO!!!! YOUNG MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOH

EWWWWW WHY IS AGRAVAINE TOUCHING MORGANA LIKE THAT I'M GONNA PUKE BRO

Damn, Morgana's eyes are so GREEN, that makeup really does it for her. Kinda funny she's wearing it to bed though. Girl.

GOOD LORD MAMA, HELLO

Agravaine needs to chill the fuck out. Every time he's on screen he gives me the ick. Ugh. Also Morgana looked so damn paranoid talking about Emrys. "He knows everything. All our plans, all our secrets." Girl.... RIP Morgana you would've loved therapy (or not).

Ohhh... interesting Morgana's reaction to Agravaine's accusation of Gaius, saying that he's the ones working with Emrys. She almost looks... hurt? Like. She really doesn't want to face the reality that Gaius exists, in the sense that she's just so hurt by everything these people that "loved" her have done. She just feels so betrayed by everyone, so hurt, so ANGRY. It's so tragic.

Oh my GOD. I NEED PEOPLE TO STOP MANIPULATING MORGANA!!! I'M SICK OF IT!!!! The way she hesitates!!! When she knows that it means that they're going to use Gaius or maybe even kill him!!! The way that she moves away from Agravaine, processing this, the way he INTERRUPTS THIS and insists, again, that it has to be Gaius, they have to do something. And for a second she almost looks so fucking scared, like!!

LOOK AT HER!!! ANOTHER PERSON THAT'S BETRAYED HER!!! SHE'S SO HURT AND SCARED!!! OH GOD HER AND ARTHUR ARE SO SIMILAR.

She even blinks her eyes after that line from Agravaine, like blinking away tears, her eyes are so shiny bro, I'm gonna cry :((. And after blinking she turns all smirky and "evil" and shit. Jesus Christ. I could write a whole thesis about Morgana and her character progression holy shit.

LET'S GO MUSICCCCCCC

AHHHHHH the iconic breakfast in bed scene!!! Yay!!!

I don't blame Arthur for spitting that out, shit looked dry as FUCK. Also there's a bunch of crumbs on the bed, Merlin, YOU'LL have to clean that up!!! Don't give yourself more work!!

"I don't know anything about Polishing." We really need more appreciation about how Bradley delivers his lines, this one is just too funny, only hearing it, bro. Also. Merlin writes Arthur's speeches. One of the best pieces of canon in my opinion. It's just so comical, for some reason. And they must be good too, 'cause no one's questioning them. It's just such a subtle way to show that Merlin IS smart. Sometimes. A little bit.

Merlin, babe, you cannot be serious. You writing the new bible or something, what the fuck is this.

"You don't have hours." Most threatening and terrifying Merlin's ever sounded. Arthur's better than me, I would've have an anxiety attack so bad it'd send me straight to hell.

THIS INTRO IS EVERYTHING!!! WHY ARE THEY SAYING THINGS SO PERFECTLY SILLY!! I LOVE IT!!! Also, damn, Arthur's BUSY. I guess we do forget that kings had to, y'know. Do basically everything, like be a judge sometimes. Hello??

Ah yes, what I've been waiting for: the wrestling Arthur out of the bed scene. Love it. No notes, really.

"You're doing very well, Arthur." WHAT IF I CRY???

"I don't think so."???? ARTHUR WHAT IF I SMACK SOME SENSE INTO YOU, SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE DOING PRETTY GREAT IN MY OPINION, LISTEN TO YOUR MANSERVANT FOR ONCE.

A tiny bit of appreciation for Arthur's chest hair.

Thank you.

Love that Agravaine just. Ignores that it's Merlin writing Arthur's shit. He must have gotten such a shock right at the start and now nothing's surprising anymore.

The fact that Morgana, all in black, has a white horse is so fucking cool to me. Work that shit, queen.

OK GORGEOUS?????

Hate the way Agravaine speaks. Shut the FUCK UP.

Arthur. Arthur, honey. Yeah, you've got to stop being so easy to manipulate. I know it's hard, but your uncle is so fucking obvious doing it, please, please, just. Please. Holy shit.

Morgana's dress (cloak?? hood?? idk) is so pretty.

Morgana being the last of her kind, High Priestess of the Triple Goddess. Merlin being the last Dragonlord. Something something...

Also. Some obvious orientalism is this episode. Kinda icky, but unsurprising giving it's BBC and also like. 2011 or whatever. But still. Ugh.

Welp. Welp, welp. Can't really say much about that, can I??

I can't remember, but I'm assuming that bracelet she gives to the Catha is from Morgause, simply by the look of pain in her face when it's out of her grasp. Literally, when will my wife's suffering end?

I wonder just how many different kinds of magic beings and users there are in JUST the five kingdoms. What about the rest of the world?? Like. that's just so cool!! I love world building, maybe one day I'll waste away some days just building up lore and lore, probably some made up, but mostly from all cultures and countries. That would be cool as fuck actually.

Agravaine's smile is so FAKE, FUCK OFFFFFFF

Ew, why does he just touch everybody. Weird uncle vibes, for sure.

Oh, I just don't like how Arthur's so quiet. I bet Agravaine's just gotten in his head so bad. He already looks ready to cry, like Gaius has already betrayed him. He's so used to that, what's one more?

Jesus, this hurts to watch. The fact that Gaius knows exactly what's happening, and he's trying to be as truthful as he can but Agravaine's just. making it all worse and horrible. This is so bad.

Ok, Gaius, I know you're better at lying than this. Fucking damnit.

EW. Agravaine's little smirk?? What the fuck is wrong with him? Jesus, I feel so sick watching this, knowing that he's just basically sentenced Gaius as a liar!! Fuck!!!

Well, at least Arthur noticed that Agravaine was being a fucking bitch. Not all is lost.

"... we might find some (proof)." Oh, ok, so you're just admitting that you're going to fabricated evidence against Gaius? Oh ok.

JESUS THESE MAN'S TITTIES ARE JIGGLING GOOD LORD

OH MY GOD, NOT THE PECS FLEXING??? I'm assuming normally you don't see that when you're on a horse adjusting yourself 'cause you got clothes on but this guy DOESN'T and you can SEE EVERYTHING.

The way that Merlin opens the door is so funny. He is NOT amused to be called upon by Agravaine. Mood.

Why is Agravaine's smile literally so disgusting, I cannot.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHY DOES HE SMILE SO MUCH???? VERY MUCH WEIRD UNCLE VIBES. VERY MUCH "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, YOUR UNCLE'S COMING." VIBES. EW. EW EW EWWWW

Love seeing Agravaine getting humbled, thank you big titty man.

Really? Really??? A book boldly proclaiming that it's about magic and sorcery, kinda hidden by one (1) sheet of paper as your proof? Really??? Are you for real right now?? Fuck off.

It is actually so upsetting seeing Agravaine in Merlin and Gaius's space. Like that's not for you, disgusting bitch.

Not Merlin finishing polishing the dagger and setting it on Arthur's nightstand JUST as the warning bells start to sound. Lol. Lmao even.

OH MY GOD THEY'RE DESTROYING GAIUS' SHIT??? WHAT THE FUCK

No no no. I hate this. The fact that Merlin now get's why Agravaine made him polish that dagger. He's fucking blaming himself right away, oh I can't do this.

Merlin literally looks like a baby in this shot, holy shit. My baby :(((.

Agravaine's acting (not the actor's, is the actor acting the character acting!! which is so fucking cool) is so fucking annoying. It's so obvious, dammit, Arthur, you're a king, how can you not see it!!! I know he's family, but you barely know him!!! I know he's from your mother's side and you want THAT side to be good unlike your father's side that's brought you so much pain, I know, but come ON!!!

Oh, Merlin's so mad, not at Arthur, at Agravaine and himself, but he's so hurt, so scared, so pained that it comes across as quietly, restrained angry, and it's fucking heart breaking.

Oh god. This is one of their most painful fights in my opinion. I think they get so fucking heart breaking when it's Merlin just. trying to show his side, trying to get Arthur to understand but Arthur just cannot because he's been given a certain information that WOULD make his actions sensible, but WE know they're lies!!! We do, Merlin does, but he can't just say that 'cause it might reveal HIS lie, and it's just UGH!!!!!!!!!! FUCK

MERLIN IS FUCKING TEARING UP I CAN'T. "He would not leave without saying goodbye to me." I AM GOING TO PUKE.

The way Merlin turns away when he's close to crying, ohhhhh. Oh BBC Merlin writers when I catch you. Colin Morgan when I catch you.

"I don't wanna lose another friend." I think these are the moments that really make me wanna chortle Arthur. I truly feel like he cannot understand the depth of the power that he has compared to Merlin. 'Cause what does that threat mean? Just them stop being friends but Merlin's still employed? Arthur sacking Merlin? Arthur treating Merlin how he's treating Gaius right now? Because, truthfully, with the power that Arthur has, any of these options is viable. I think this is what scares me, Arthur just cannot comprehend that he just cannot threaten his friends, his loved ones, like this just because he's king now. He simply cannot. The weight of it is different. Even if he would never hurt them, it doesn't matter, he has the POWER to. That's what's so scary. And then he wonders why Merlin doesn't tell him things. How can he?

The way things just. Change between the early seasons and now. The way Gaius talks to Morgana, knowing she wants to kill him, when he saw her grow up. I'm gonna be so fucking sick, y'all, what the fuck.

Does she braid some of her hair with leaves?? Or a green ribbon? What is that in her hair??

Not gonna lie, Morgana is so hot in this scene. Jesus. Love that voice, and that's all I'm gonna say.

HE LOOKS SO BABY!!!!!!!!!!1

I love that Gwen doesn't even question that Agravaine's behind it. She's like "I'll use my charms to get Arthur to see reason, don't worry bestie."

ICONICCCC GAIUS USING MAGIC!!!!!!!!

Oh, I love when Merlin doesn't even use words. Just golden eyes and BOOM. Magic.

MERLIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE BRO YOU CAN'T EVEN SNEAK OUT CORRECTLY WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!! That's so fucking funny though, I'm losing it-

GWAINE!!!! MY BABY!!! You look like a puppy :,).

Oop. Cock blocked.

Merlin is just in a fucking mood and honestly he deserves to be. But it is interesting how differently he acted with Gwaine and Gwen. I wonder if he's being shorter with Gwaine 'cause he's a knight now, and he knows that knights talk and are closer to the king's views than the servants. Classic class division and such, even if Gwaine is not like other knights. He just cannot be sure now. Also 'cause he almost got found out my Agravaine which does not good for your nerves I bet.

WOW. Gwaine, baby, STAND UP. Get some self-respect. Good god. At Merlin's back and call, it's really ridiculous bro.

Immediately on a secret mission, love these boys.

Not Agravaine seeing his plans fall apart, GET REKT LOSER.

I wonder if Morgana's a good cook. I think she isn't actually. Just never gets recipes right. Burns things, undercooks others.

Oh, poor Gaius... he really tried to fight it but...

It's really fun watching the series and recognizing common clips used in edits.

The way Gaius speaks about Merlin with such wonder and pride... crying rn.

LMAO NOT MERLIN JUST COMPLETELY TRIPPING BOTH OF THE GUY'S FEET. ALSO THE WAY THE CATH TURNED??? HELLO??? HE LOOKED LIKE A SQUIRREL.

"We should split up." "Yeah." two dumb bitches saying "exactlyyyy"

"If you find him, don't wait for me." Gwaine IMMEDIATELY disagreed with that, Merlin dearest, he's not gonna let that happen.

Oh my god, Morgana hasn't met Gwaine yet. All she knows, from Agravaine, is that he's a "hothead". Lmao. lol even.

I love how Agravaine, literal dagger to Gaius' neck, is disagreeing with Gwaine's very keen observation, that he's the kidnapper and traitor. Girl, shut the fuck up.

Gwaine is so handsome. Also, yes, not completely stupid because, if Agravaine didn't kidnap Gaius, how did he know where he was, hm?? Bitchass.

Jesus. Credit when credit's due, he can be a good liar. Also, I feel like Gwaine's acting like he believes Agravaine's innocent, mainly because he can sense something fishy about him. His question, "So you agree he was abducted then?" is so SMART. 'Cause what else can Agravaine do but agree and declare Gaius an innocent man? Yeah that's fucking right, bitch.

Morgana is literally so hot and tragic when evil, good lord.

UGH, Morgana using magic without words, YES!!! Love her being powerful.

Face card never declines for either one of them, good god. Y'know what, more and more I understand Mergana. Just. Look at them!!!

OH THE WAY MERLIN KNOWS THAT ALATOR KNOWS HE'S EMRYS. OH MY GOD?????

Oh jesus, the way Morgana's just RELIEVED to finally know who Emrys is, she's so scared of him she just doesn't want to be scared anymore. Her voice is so soft here :(.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE YEETED THE FUCK OUT OF MORGANA WHAT THE FUCK, WOAH!!!!!!!!1

Oh wow that scene just gave me chills, holy shit holy shit. The way Alator just kneels and allies himself to Merlin. Jesus Christ, that's my drug bro.

Gwaine and Arthur interacting. Gwaine being so soft about Gaius, so worried :(. Arthur too :(((.

I really do love how royals just think the servants can't fucking hear. Gwen is right there as they speak very sensitive matters. Like bitch?? They have ears I promise??

The way Gaius and Merlin communicate their fears and anxieties :((( I'm so emotional bro.

"My worry is Arthur." and THOSE are your loyalties, while Alator and other's loyalties are to YOU, Merlin, 'cause you're supposed to bring forth Albion, but you're too busy having a fucking CRUSH TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the way Arthur walks into the room and Merlin cannot even BEAR to look at him. He's HURT. As is his right.

The way Merlin immediately lightens the mood, 'cause he wants things to be easy as possible, even if it gets hurts swept under the rug like this. UGH. AGHHHHHHHHH.

Boys. Stop eye fucking. You're supposed to at least be a little mad at him, Merlin, you kinda deserve that, y'know.

Love that Arthur believes without a doubt that Gaius withstood torture for him and Camelot and won. Like. He truly sees Gaius as this strong figure. Just always there since he was born, bro. Even before, while he was being made!! That's bonkers.

I love how Arthur understood Gaius' lied even though Agravaine talks in the "evil manipulative guy" voice all the time. Fuck off bro, I swear.

The Gaius is trying to teach Arthur to understand the complexities of magic, that it's all evil or all good, it's all different. I love this scene so much.

Pretty boy.

And that is it!!! God, what an episode!! I feel like this episode is a good starting point for a show rewrite, in which Arthur gets more and more curious about magic and tries to understand, and maybe we'd get a magic reveal and shit like. I like that a lot.

[roz-ani]

Ngl, it'll be hard to convince me he doesn't ACTUALLY want her soul. It would be such a deal to pass for Alastor

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

oughh......

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

this is such an indulgent au I made for myself that's not even related to selfshipping but i love to imagine the dexholders in a filipino school setting where some of the kids are part of the class officers and this is definitely based on my irl experiences with my old class when I was elementary to... freshman. <3

[ziracona]

I didn’t know literally all the companions you can take to the Fade in DA2 sans Anders will sell you out and try to kill you and their friends for a demon deal I’m losing my shit. I knew Merrill did bc she did it to me but apparently anyone but JustAnders will ditch your ass to make a deal with a demon and I’m absolutely going insane

[emptylakes]

the fellow hunger games were so fun i wish we got more with the extended team (thirteen and kutner and taub and cole and amber and that old man)

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I ramble way too much but also not nearly enough to write long fics. The June prompts are almost at 2k now and I really thought I would be done before that? Silly me, I forget I get on tangents and just keep going when I plan out my fics. Why am I like this. But I swear I’m almost done then we can move on. But I made the mistake of going into my fic ideas doc and now I’m like oh I want to know more about this verse, but I have so many things that I should prioritize! I’m also watching another kdrama and wondering how shinshi would fit into this and the answer is they don’t but my brain is trying to make it work and I don’t like it. I don’t need more ideas I won’t write

[mariniacipher]

i do love the chemistry elizabeth and wickham have in talking badly of lady catherine altho im going to say that them coming closest when talking badly about others is not exactly a good sign-

it reminds me of mr bennet in the worst way, seeing people as objects to be judged or used for one’s amusement, and i think elizabeth should keep in mind that this judgement could fall unto her at any moment too

just because she and wickham are of a mind now doesn’t mean they would be so forever

[meili-sheep]

I think Al-Haitham just really likes you

Well, I really like him.

Honestly, I unlocked his character story 5 and had a "He just like me fr" moment. Mostly because I was largely raised by my grandparents and connected a lot to them through books, so you know I'm pretty attached to the guy and really happy he'd come home 3 times within like 40 pulls but I'm a little worried for my future luck.

[designernishiki]

I feel like whatever was going on with majima/mirei/katsuya in the early 90s was some sort of complicated bisexual love triangle situation. like majima is majima and katsuya’s handsome and eloquent and absolutely doesn’t seem straight to me, but on top of that it feels like there was some sort of confusing tension between katsuya and mirei, not sure if it was romantic or one-sided or what but. SOMETHING. I don’t know what the hell was going on with those three really but no way in hell do I believe the romantic/sexual/??? depth ends with majima and mirei

[avatardoggo]

i am the smartest girl in school