#or write it off as me being paranoid...and it hurts so bad to be betrayed

[trainwrecksys]

ok!!!!!!!! i am!!!!!!! going to just say it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long long post ahead!!!!!!!!!

yes i look like an out of touch stan with a victim complex for one character when i draw no one but bentham in my fanart and completely ignore everyone else to feel sorry for him and yes i am aware and no i dont know if anyone else sees this in me or im just paranoid but bro i am annoyed with myself !!! i hate how stannish i am sometimes because yes bentham had every reason to be called evil but yeah i had a good few reasons to have a complete breakdown when i read that in the book !!!!!!!1 too much writing under the cut about a lot of stuff that is in my head and needs to get out for better or for worse idk

i have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and i do not expect to be forgiven but genuinely the way me being a stupid shameless stan can come off to others even subconsciously is actually important because it makes me look like someone who would see a situation like the bentham siblings' in real life and side with the STRAIGHT WHITE MALE who has made more than mistakes and hurt people in moments of heightened emotion (end of library of souls)- but like not in defense of bentham for ONCE IN MY LIFE everyone feels emotions everyone gets hurt and he had a right to not be perfect after everything he went through but that doesnt mean hurting people is the course of action and bro i have completely ignored that and skirted around it for two years and IM NOT GONNA KEEP APOLOGISING FOR MAKING THIS TOO LONG BECAUSE IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE AND I REALISE HOW MUCH OF A STUCK UP DICK I COULD BE NOT ONLY ABOUT THIS BUT IN GENERAL LIFE AFTER I READ THE BOOKS AND GAINED AN ATTACHMENT TO BENTHAM

the stuff im talking about is honestly mainly between me myself and i and most of the art i post is him either chilling or feeling a bit sad but the way i completely ignore miss peregrine's issues and betrayal to focus on how oh so hurt and betrayed myron was like there was no reason he was exiled

like yes years in a big mansion with three people to keep him company in the middle of devils acre with no way to resolve his trauma can do shit to someone but what about years feeling his sisters guilt, BASIL????? what about how she mustve felt after both her brothers DIED due to their own hubris???????????? what about how she felt she was a bad sister when she literally had to be like their mother with all the baggage she had then actually mother children while thinking her slightly better brother might have been getting better with him saying he was gonna give them info on caul only to see him SIDE WITH CAUL when he had just done something that COULD HAVE HELPED HIS CAUSE and then spitefully capture her and lead them into the mouth of hell OH MY GOD

and how jacob and emma had to deal with his bullshit being all "lets talk over tea!" and waiting for when it was right in the exposition to tell them who he fucking was, then telling them he BASICALLY KILLED JACOBS GRANDPA while giving excuses and them finding out later on that hE KEPT THE SUUL FOR HIMSELF?????? i made some bullshit reason up why he did that for my headcannons but lets be real the only reason they could have at least imagined was that he was planning on using it in the library. the information betrayed them either way and to alma again it was only a stab in the gut because he hurt a guy who was basically her son

overall hes not some aesthetic victimised pookie bear hes a more than flawed man who only did some things to mend his image and cant be excused for what he did and this whole post was basically me shouting at myself

[dairy-farmer]

Bringing you a smutty AU and wanna know what you think about it! O/ am trying to get back into writing and am using smut to do it! Pls tell me what you think? Decent outline? Trying to do flash ficlets to break my writers block like bane broke the bat lol

You know that hentai trope? The Time Stop? Where someone finds an object that let's them stop time and do naughty things to someone, but when they START time the sensation of everything they did starts to register? Etc?

Imagine Bruce finding one on his adventures as batman. Knowing he should hand it over to JLD... but giving in to his paranoid "but what if I NEED it..." thoughts and not mentioning it.

And of course, the reason such objects are so Dangerous? Is because of the temptation to USE them. But Batman has SUCH a strong will doesn't he? HE won't give in~

Then Tim becomes Robin. Jason is dead. He refuses to lose any hours of the day on paranoid thoughts such as "But what if somethings happened to him?". And in one world? He ignores them. Pushes them down. Blames Tim for the constant anxiety tormenting him on TOP of the grief he's already feeling. Is harsh and uncompromising.

But in THIS world? His thought drift to that object. Maybe it's a pocket watch, maybe a switch attached to nothing. It IS just sitting there... he... he doesn't HAVE to lose any "time" checking on Tim. No one would even know. He could concentrate again. He finds his hand drifting to it.

It's just next door after all, hardly even a hike. It's even good exercise. But... but instead of soothing his thoughts? Drake Manor just sets his instincts off. Too easy to break in. Too empty. Looks like a show room. Where is the staff? Somebody IS looking after Tim, right? He KNOWS the Drakes are in Morocco. Maybe it's a one off, he came at a bad time. At least he can confirm Tim is safe.

But? Once you give in once? It gets easier to do it again. Especially if you are avoiding actually TALKING to people. Admitting you care. He keeps checking. It keeps being empty. Tim... Tim looks so alone. So small. Hurt.

And no one WOULD know...

He could just... rub his back for a while. Run his fingers through his hair. Tuck him close and just... just BREATHE after that too close call. He can let himself care. Like he did with Jason, with Dick. Just.. just for a bit. No man is an island forever after all. The chance to have that warmth again? It's so impossibly strong. He can fight it.. he can! He just... he just needs this moment... to... to rest...

But then a run in with Ivy. Tim's terrible habit of hiding injuries. He immediately jumped in a pond to get the Pollen off, he justified to himself, no need to tell Bruce. But exposure is exposure, it works fast even if the effects aren't immediate. And for this stain? Without a male partner's "proteins", he'll slowly cook.

But he doesn't know this, because he didnt tell Bruce he got hit. All he knows is the unbearable need in his gut. The one that made him shuck his pants and drag up his shirt before time stopped, made frustrated and desperate tears, and a fumbling hand urgent in its quest for ANYTHING.

And Bruce, looming frozen at the door way in this frozen world of unmoving time? Knows EXACTLY what he needs. There are... dubious but ethical ways to cure it. He could jerk off and use a baster or dribble it down Tim throat. Start time and use a shot glass. It would be awkward. Or impersonal and coldly medical. He COULD do that...

Yet? His Robin NEEDS him. Is alone and afraid, having their body betray them. He can make it better. He finds himself letting go of the door frame. Shucking clothes. Cupping tear stained cheeks and a developing sensitive little chest. Doing far more then is strictly necessary. Because... because his Robin's first shouldn't hurt.

And when time starts later? Tim is going to be incoherent with it all. The feeling of a mouth for what must be hours, fingers that stretch and find, then tease and tease and tease until he sobs, something big splitting him apart and going deeper then he though possible and just...

And dawn finds him a gushing, twitching mess. Long since cured of the Pollen but unable to move as SOMETHING pounded him near mindless. Unable to escape being made to get off again and again and again. Passing out briefly only to wake with it STILL HAPPENING.

He misses school that day.

He's more careful about Pollen. Doesn't get hit if he can avoid it. But somehow? There must be aftereffects. Because it keeps happening. Tim will go to bed or starting a shower or just be watching TV at home and suddenly? It will be like someone decided to eat him out for hours. Or bent him over and fucked him hard. Or used each and every toy on him from his toy box he keeps hidden in his room, one after another without mercy. Just... just all sorts of things...

He should tell Bruce. But how to even bring that up? Hey, I lied to you? Withheld important information? Now I might have a medical condition? Not to mention... it's BRUCE! His father figure and kinda crush! Because things aren't messy enough.

Then? The Drake's die. And Tim's "condition" gets worse. Because now? Bruce can set up cameras. Can watch the aftermath of starting time. And he hates that he loves it so much. Is able to customize it better and better to what makes Tim squirm and lose his mind. Is able to catch him at all hours of the day for a quick fuck, then gets to watch later as Tim gasps and twitchs as his hole is pounded by something he can't see.

Gets to make him such a MESS some nights.

Finally Tim cracks and tells him. A delicate matter of course. Private. Of course he'll keep it between them. He does pointless tests, promises to look for a cure. He's in too deep and he knows it. Couldn't let go of his boy if he TRIED.

Tim doesn't want to be alone, Bruce promises he can sleep next to him. "Somehow" this "hardship" has "brought them together". Wouldn't you know it, it feels like someone rolled over and is trying to fuck him through the mattress. Tim clings to Bruce, pants and whimpers as he rides it out. Bruce holds him, his boy, warm and wonderful in his arms. And let's him catch up. They have all the time in the world.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANON THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!! THIS IS SUCH A GODTIER CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this was all so good!!!!! the escalation of bruce's actions the way that when the opportunity presented itself with the combined possibility that he would/could get away with it bruce did it!!!! the ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the implication of bruce continuing to do this while framing it as helping tim!!!!!!!!

bruce would absolutely 100% pull a 'i know better' if he found a time stopping device. he thinks he's above the temptation but he's NOT!!! because he's sad and he's lonely and neither of his children are present and he can't funnel those feelings away like he used to by holding them close and stroking their little back and burying his nose into their lilac shampooed hair.

but with tim it's different. it's...inappropriate because tim isn't his child. but that doesn't mean bruce's concern never bubbles up. after jason bruce's paranoia and irrational thoughts get worse. they keep him up and haunt him and...bruce can't just call tim to check on him. because tim will ask question, inquire why bruce is calling him in the middle of the night and of course tim won't believe him if he tries to dismiss it so he'll get up and try to come to the manor and....bruce's worries are just inconvenient to everyone involved.

until he recalls the little device he keeps in the cave under careful watch. the one bruce has always squashed down the selfish uses it could serve (letting him get more sleep, giving him more time on cases-). but....if it's for tim then it's not really selfish.

at first, it's just checking and then double and then triple checking and each time tim is always in the same position. eating dinner at a table by himself, sitting on the edge of his bed and staring blankly at his feet, listening to music with headphones while he worked on some homework. simple mundane things bruce has done a million times but on tim they just seem....lonelier.

the few times bruce had been to drake manor he never lingered long but with all the time in the world he finally sees how...big it is. far too big for tim who is all by himself.

bruce...at some point...starts stopping time not just to check on tim but because the itch under his skin won't go away. an itch that tells him he's gone too long without holding another person. with the device bruce can stop time and...split off from himself. like a phantom and wander around in this frozen world while his body remains seated and stroking the side of the rectangular, gear-like device.

bruce knows he can still experience sensations even as a sort of phantom. its why he shivers when he climbs into tim's bed while he's asleep in drake manor and holds tim close. bruce curls around his little body, hands practically shaking as he strokes his downy soft hair and nuzzles the back of his neck that warms bruce down to his toes. bruce chose a time when he knew tim would be asleep otherwise tim might get frightened at phantom hands toughing and feeling him so suddenly.

it continues like that. bruce sneaking affection and then behaves as if nothing is wrong when he returns to his body and time progresses as normal.

bruce visits only a few times a month, then it becomes weekly, and then every night bruce is waiting for tim to head home to fall asleep until bruce can't stand the trek to tim's house anymore and offers him a bedroom in the manor for easier access.

it's that access that ends up saving tim's life when bruce goes to tim's room for their nightly cuddling only to stop at the sight of tim red cheeked and sobbing and desperately rubbing at his reddened clit sitting sweetly above his glistening, puffy folds.

bruce nearly punches himself with the realization that tim had been hit by a particularly vicious strand of pollen. the kind that would raise his core temperature until his brain was getting cooked by the heat....unless...unless his body received a very specific combination of citric acid, free amino acids, fructose, enzymes, phosphorylcholine, prostaglandin, potassium, and zinc.

semen.

and bruce...has options. unstopping time and confronting tim and dragging him down to the cave. walking over to tim's parted mouth where his pajama dress is pushed all the way under his neck exposing soft little tits with one starting to bruise from tim's desperate abuse for pleasure. he could save tim the humiliation and he would never have to know what bruce did. but...bruce stares at tim's naked body. more exposed than he's ever seen if despite the fact that his hands have made homes to tim's waist, hips, thighs, and the small of his back.

bruce's heart aches at the sight of tim suffering so much. it was his job to ensure tim didn't suffer, tim was his robin and it was his job to keep him safe but if it hadn't been for the little time stopper and bruce's selfishness bruce would've awoken to tim's corpse cooling on a bed.

and...maybe bruce has slowly been working towards this, maybe he was just looking for an excuse to be selfish again, or maybe he was trying to make up for nearly fucking up so horribly-

but...he decides to do everything to make sure tim doesn't continue suffering. he goes slow. he's gentle.

bruce has never fucked a virgin before so all he can do is carefully press his finger into tim's little hole and pump it in, warming the cunt up more by adding another finger. tim's hole loosens marginally, he can see as more slick gets developed the more he works over this cunt with his decades of experience. he presses his tongue in, letting the flat of it lick a stripe up and press meanly to tim's clit. tim's body doesn't give a responsive jolt in return but bruce knows the effect that move has on pussies. bruce strips off his own clothing slowly. his real body is a few rooms down already in bed and handling the device allowing bruce to do this.

he pushes down his pants and underwear, taking hold of his throbbing and leaking cock. he hums against the sweet taste of tim on his cunt and continues sucking gently on the little clit that's so exposed from tim's fingers spreading his lips open for bruce.

bruce leaves wet, stringy trails of saliva on tim's virgin pussy. he collects a wad of saliva in his mouth as he rises to his feet and his knees sink into the mattress of tim's bed.

he presses to throbbing cockhead into tim's hole and pushes the wad of spit out, watching as it hits bruce's cockhead sinking into tim's warm, heavenly heat.

bruce lets out an audible groan as he sinks in, watching himself get swallowed by a red, flushed little cunt. he lets out a quiet curse at the sight of tim's hole stretching to accommodate bruce sinking in all the way to his womb.

even though he's frozen, bruce can still feel tim's heartbeat pulsing around his cock as he drags his sweat and cunt slicked cock out of that hole and thrusts gently back in.

bruce is gentle for tim's first time. he rocks in and out of a slow beat. his thumb rubs circles into tim's clit and he snaps his hips a little harder everytime tim's hole give in a little more until he's got a good pace and is grunting into tim, fucking his hole until he's spilling and filling him up nice and good.

bruce's guilt isn't satiated by just doing it once. bruce fucks tim for the rest of the night. or rather for hours because the sun never comes up and the moon never goes down. bruce fucks tim's hole fast and slow and he keeps going, cumming again and again and again. tim's cunt is frothy with cum, it spills out of him in a steady, thick drip. tim's body is almost certainly cured and even if the cum disappears once bruce returns to his body he knows it will have been enough.

bruce stops only when he feels like he's on the verge of a heart attack. he's covered in sweat and panting, his cock is spilling almost constant dribbles of cum. bruce presses a gentle kiss to the crown of tim's head and returns to his body where he is suddenly clean and dry with none of the earlier muscle aches. but he also feels....so deeply satisfied. the same feeling he always gets after a nice fuck.

tim feels sick in the morning. that's what he claims. bruce lets him stay home from school and tries to tell himself that he'd done his job. that tim was alive and he'd more than made up for his failure as a mentor.

but then...bruce comes home one day. tim is in one of the sitting rooms laying on his stomach and watching the tv while his homework is spread around him.

his legs are spread in a perfect 'V' allowing bruce to catch the slightest peek of pink cotton underwear under his skirt and...bruce remembers the bone-deep satisfaction that morning after he woke up. he'd stretched and yawned and felt better rested and lighter than he had in decades.

and...it would be pure selfishness but...bruce goes to his room where he keeps the device and just a few short minutes later he's huddled behind tim and moving the crotch of his underwear to the side so he can fuck his fingers in and even though it's been a few days bruce quietly marvels at how tim's cunt stretches to accommodate him.

it doesn't take as long to fuck tim this time. bruce only fucks him for an hour, pounding his wet folds and growling his release into his cunt for a few rounds before getting up and zippling his slacks back up. he's back a few hours later after dinner. he fucks tim as he's standing up and getting dressed for patrol. bruce squeezes tim's hips in his hands while he bends his knees to get his cock to reach tim's cunt to fuck him again.

a few times bruce doesn't even fuck tim. when tim is in the shower bruce groups him, squeezing the cheeks of his little ass, thumbs pushing against tim's nippes and feeling out the soft tissue of his developing breasts. he strokes hands down tim's waist. he just likes touching tim.

when bruce gets horny he'll take his clothes off and gently rub the head of his cock against the soft skin of tim's lips. both pairs.

bruce eats tim out at his leisure, mapping out every bit of his insides with his tongue and humming against the sweet taste of his young pussy that's only ever known one man. him.

bruce fucks tim hard and fast, gentle and soft, bruising and vicious, tender and sweet. it changes depending on bruce's mood for the day or desires. tim is the best pussy bruce has ever had and he has no intentions of ever giving it up.

bruce starts putting cameras in tim's room. in his shower. he's curious to see how tim acts once bruce is finished and starts time again. he watches tim's nose wrinkle, his brows furrow, his body hunch over. he listens to tim's squeaks and moans, and muffled whines as he gets phantom fucked by bruce for the second time.

bruce strokes his cock to the sights and sounds then stops time and goes to fuck tim for some relief because ever since bruce started doing this he hasn't masturbated even once.

the drakes pass away and bruce doesn't even give tim a chance to voice an opinion before bruce is taking him in (no way is bruce letting a pussy like tim's get away).

bruce continues as he was until...tim comes to him. shameful eyes cast down, red staining his cheeks, and biting down on his fat bottom lip. bruce is almost tempted to stop time and fuck tim while staring at his face struck with such a sweet and innocent look.

bruce listens to tim admitting that he'd lied to bruce months ago. that something had happened with ivy's pollen that...something was STILL happening.

and bruce pretends to be angry, pretends to be sympathetic, pretends to assure tim he'll get to the bottom of this. he collects blood, saliva, hair, and, much to tim's humiliation, a swab of the inside of his cunt. why he's so embarrassed bruce doesn't know- it's nothing he's never seen before after all.

bruce comforts tim...he holds him close for the first time...the first time where he hasn't needed to stop time.

tim's crying face is just too arousing. bruce fucks tim again that night. only instead of basking in the afterglow after retreating to his body his door bursts open with tim tearfully asking if he can stay in bruce's room with him that...it happened again.

bruce welcomes tim. he lifts the cover and...bruce enjoys have tim is his arms while his heart slows down to a normal speed after his orgasms. tim cuddles close and his hair smells nice and minty from his shampoo as bruce buries his nose in it.

the next night bruce doesn't need to make the trek to tim's room a few doors down. he just rolls over tim in bed and fucks that hot little cunt until he's satisfied until his thumb and fingers have brutally squeezed every little orgasm out of tim. that's when bruce stretches, lays back, and breathes steadily as tim whimpers at his side and squirms closer. bruce comforts tim, weaves fingers into his hair, and gently strokes his back while listening to all the sounds that would get his dick hard if he wasn't so spent.

[alwaysthesitter]

IMPORTANT PSA.

Honestly I'm going to keep this short and sweet. And I know I'm going to lose followers and preparing myself.

I was another Steve blog a few months back. I'm sure many of you have been witness to the toxic cancel culture that runs rampant in the ST RPC and I fell victim to it. Completely horrendous things were spread about me and taken out of context, and the part that made me most sad was that most people didn't check in to get my side of the story. As happens in these toxic cancel cultures, we see something bad and believe it as it spreads like wildfire. If you want to know my url, I'm sure you could guess, but seriously feel free to DM me. I mostly don't want to post it on here to not clutter the tag.

I almost didn't come back. I got severe threats. I fell into a horrible mental state. And so I ran. I decided to come back with a new name and a new brand and let me tell you, I've had the time of my absolute life. Being back here has been exactly what I needed.

But I've also been paranoid. Because I know people still think those things about me. Even though now they've actually talked to me and seen that I'm a good and fun person. I told someone last night whom I dearly love, and they felt betrayed and hurt that I wasn't up front.

I've been trying to remain under wraps for my safety and protection. And, like most of you, because I'm just here to write. I'm not here for drama and rumors and putting others down. I'm such a firm believer in giving everyone a chance. I'm here for Steve, and giving Steve the justice the Duffers stole from him.

All that being said, I'm not going anywhere this time. Like Eddie, "I'm not running away." I'm keeping my account, no matter what happens, because I have put so much love into my interpretation of Steve Harrington.

I say all this because I'm tired of hiding and being on edge of "someone finding out." I'm still going by Strode, that was a change I wanted regardless. Literally nothing will change other than that this is out there. And that if you choose to unfollow me, I understand. And I still love you. And every interaction I have been blessed to have with you.

I'll be turning off anon for the moment for obvious reasons. And for those who continue to write with me and allow me to give Steve the love he deserves- thank you.

[doebt]

i may be ugly and mentally ill and broken but at least i dont hurt people. at least i WANT to be kind. at least i try. so many of the ppl i know irl, like ppl ive met at school, are like. unfathomably selfish. ive been watching one incident of this unfold for the last couple months and it is like. astounding how selfish ppl can be

[dr4cking]

Can you write a Draco imagine based on the song traitor by Olivia Rodrigo. Where Draco and fem!xreader are dating since their third year, used to do everything together, they went to yule ball together, but in sixth year when Draco becomes a death eater, their relationship is not working anymore and the reader is not happy, she breaks up with him and starts dating Blaise shortly after like the song says, years later he gets a wedding invitation from them and she is pregnant with Blaise's baby?

Traitor.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | angst |

a/n : i’ve been listening to traitor for a whole week and it hurts me a lot skskskk but thank you for requesting! <3

draco loved her so much and he thought they would have their future just like the way they always imagined it to be, but he clearly was wrong.

he cherished every moments he had with her. when the first time he asked her out nervously and she agreed eventually. since then, they started dating. they’ve been dating since their third year.

he remembered when they were an iconic couple back then, people are so envy with their relationship. and when the yule ball comes, they came together and that night couldnt be more perfect.

that was until his sixth year. the worst year in his life.

he got chosen by the dark lord, he was marked as a death eater. y/n knew about it and told him it was fine because he didnt want to be one in the first place.

then he got his first task. he was so stressed about it. if he didnt succeed, ‘he’ threatened to kill him and her.

and thats when he grew distant. he was so focused on the task that he didnt paid any attention to his girlfriend.

but he did noticed, he noticed how she gets closer to one of his best mate, blaise zabini. at first it was just a simple conversation, until it turned into something more.

he saw it with his own eyes. he talked to her about it but she always brushed it off.

“y/n..” he called out making her turning her head to him.

“yes draco?”

“i- i want you to be honest with me..” y/n swore she could feel her heart dropped to her stomach. she signaling him to go on.

“are you seeing blaise?” she froze at her seat. she takes a big sighed before answering.

“no, i’m not draco. we’re just friends. he knew i’m with you.”

she always dodged his questions and telling him that he was just being paranoid because of his tasks and he believed it.

“draco you’re just being paranoid!” she shouted in the middle of their argument. they’ve been fighting these past few days.

“relax, draco. i think you just got overwhelmed with all of the dark lord’s tasks.” she sat him up on the bed, pulling him into her warm embrace until it turned into more than innocent comfort.

y/n started to hanging out more with blaise, whenever he wasnt there, she always seek her chance to see him. he knew about it, but he just keep quiet so that he could kept her.

it wasn’t her fault, its his. if only he didnt became a death eater, if he could spend more time with her, this wouldnt happened.

and thats when it hit him.

“draco i- i think we should see other people. this isnt working out anymore, you know it. i’m really sorry”

no you weren’t sorry.

“its blaise, isnt it?”

“no. draco listen, i still care about you and you can always talk to me whenever you need it, but this relationship is just- its just not working out anymore.” she repeated her words, still avoiding his assumptions, but he already knew.

draco cried that night in his dorm. wishing that he could turn back the time to where they were still happy with each other. and he blamed it all on the dark lord.

it only took her 2 weeks to go off and date blaise. after they called it quit, she already became his.

how could he be so stupid? it was so obvious. he wondered if she even loved him in the first place. and thats when the realization hit him, it wasnt his fault.

he know she didnt cheat, but she is still a traitor.

years passed, they’ve graduated and separated on their own ways, he has been seeing astoria greengrass lately, his parents arranged her for him. but he would be lying if he said his first love has left his heart yet.

draco was standing by his balcony, staring at the view in front of him, inhaling the fresh air, he closed his eyes.

but suddenly an owl flew to him, sitting on the edge of his balcony. he takes the letter the owl sent him, he opened it only to broke his heart even more.

it was a wedding invitation. its written y/n’s name and blaise zabini on it. he stared at the invitation blankly until he realized tears already building up in his eyes. he threw the invitation.

little did they know, draco came that day. he watched them getting married to each other from far away. then he noticed y/n has a little bump in her stomach, she’s pregnant, with blaise’s child.

he told himself it should’ve been him. stood in the altar with her and she carrying his child. it was supposed to be him, they always planned their future like that. if only she didn’t became a traitor.

draco went back to his manor, he cant take it anymore. seeing his first love getting married to the person he always considered as his brother.

he walked inside his home, he wanted to meet his father, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this but he would take it anyway.

“father? can i have a word with you?” lucius straightened up his body on his seat, he motioned draco to take a seat in front of him.

“go ahead, son.” draco takes a deep sigh before opening his mouth.

“i accept the arrangements.”

god, i wish you had thought this through before i went and fell in love with you.

she turned him into a mess.

all because of she had betrayed him.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i feel really bad for draco after writing this lol

tagging : @dracoscum @hellounicorn @onyourgoddamnleft @whoreforgeorgeandfred @turn-to-page-394-please @malfoysbiitch @dracmalf0y-dm @f4iryluvy @arzfia @slut4dracoo @alexthealexthealex

[thequackcity]

Quackity and Schlatt’s Relationship - More Complicated Then You Think

(this is all /rp and about the characters from the dream smp! pls assume i have the dignity not to write analysis of youtubers)

recently there was a bit of discourse surrounding the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt floating around on tumblr. tho i never saw the original post that sparked the conversation, i did see a few posts that were inspired by it mentioning how they disliked that the original post implied that Quackity and Schlatt were mutually abusive and/or equally bad for each other 

since i never saw the original post, i can't be sure if that's what the op meant to imply. it's not really my place to speak about a post that i never got the chance to read. BUT the conversation that was caused by the post in question did get me thinking about how this fandom treats the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt and how little nuance there is in discussions about it

now before i say anything else, i want to make a few things clear:

i don't think Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship is mutually abusive. no need to worry about hearing that from this post

i don't look down on ppl who have different interpretations of their relationship

there will be potentially triggering content in this analysis. i will place a quick warning whenever i think one is needed!

their relationship is romantic in canon and therefore i’ll be treating it as romantic

alright now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, we can finally get on with the analysis! i apologize for how long this is gonna be

part 1: let's talk relationship!

i think we can all agree that Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not exactly a healthy one. tho it didn't start out that way, it certainly turned into what could be read as abusive or toxic (i personally read their relationship as being abusive in its later half due to evidence provided by the text, but i understand if others prefer to view it as just toxic instead)

but what happened that led to their partnership ending so badly? what caused all of this mess?

well, it was a lot of things. but we will get to that later. let's talk relationship first!

from the very beginning, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was pretty one-sided. tho they both clearly liked each other as friends/partners in crime both before and after the election (yes they did interact before the election!) Quackity was also interested in Schlatt romantically- something that Schlatt wasn't fully committed to

as we all know from the infamous date stream and from a few other moments, Quackity and Schlatt enjoyed playfully flirting with each other- tho it was pretty obvious that Quackity was more serious about it then Schlatt was even tho Schlatt considered Quackity to be very attractive

in my opinion, Quackity is someone who wants a long term relationship, while Schlatt is more interested in flings. this can be seen in Schlatt refusing to marry Quackity and rejecting most of his advances while Quackity tried his best to convince him to feel otherwise. Tommy put it best: Quackity is just one of Schlatt’s many bitches U_U

to Quackity, the romantic aspect of their relationship was very important. because Schlatt never actually shot him down or told him that he didn't feel the same way, Quackity took that to mean that they were truly in love. Schlatt on the other hand wasn't very invested in the romantic side of things but clearly valued Quackity’s looks and his support as an ally against Pogtopia so he never fully rejected Quackity’s advances

this might not seem like too big of a deal considering the other things that happened between them, but i think it shows part of the nature of their relationship. there is a lot of miscommunication and, on Schlatt’s end, manipulation of emotions. love is a strong motivator for loyalty and Schlatt is a smart guy who would know how to use that to his advantage

but that isn't to say that Schlatt didn't ever care about Quackity!

Schlatt is a complicated guy and figuring out when he's actually being genuine can be pretty difficult. but i think there are some moments that point to Schlatt genuinely caring about Quackity

when he was alive, Schlatt was pretty paranoid. not as paranoid as Wilbur, but certainly up there. but there were never any times where he truly questioned Quackity’s loyalties after his first day as president. Schlatt also seemed truly upset that Quackity betrayed him, bringing up their status as partners in crime while ranting about how much it hurt him and singling Quackity out while talking about how he had been abandoned during his time of need

Schlatt also spent a lot of time sulking after Quackity betrayed him and whining to Ponk about needing a new bitch. this is in contrast to how angry he was after Tubbo betrayed him- both during and after the execution

there is also the situation with the Big Man Gym 

after being dead for a while, Schlatt contacted Quackity despite them leaving off on bad terms and asked for him to visit him in his cave gym. when Quackity showed up, Schlatt talked about how he valued their relationship and the good times they had together. tho this can easily be seen as emotional manipulation, Schlatt’s a lot smarter than he seems and- if he doesnt have memory issues due to being a ghost- would know that Quackity’s opinion of him was in the dump at the time of his death and most likely wouldn't have improved since then. Fundy has a higher opinion of Schlatt than Quackity does and is someone who obviously craves validation. but Schlatt went to Quackity first anyway and trusted him to help revive him

i think that this is all good evidence that points towards Schlatt truly caring about Quackity as much as someone like Schlatt can care about anyone- or at least valuing him as a companion

i also think that it is pretty common knowledge that Quackity cared about Schlatt- and possibly still does- but i will go over a bit of evidence that i haven’t already mentioned before we move on to the next part

Quackity tried multiple times to impress Schlatt (like when he lied about knowing how to play chess), would attempt to help Schlatt when he was drowning in water, sadly said that they could have had something together while Schlatt was dying in the caravan, and implied that he wouldn’t have left if Schlatt hadn’t taken down the white house. Quackity also willingly went to the Big Man Gym after being summoned there by Schlatt and wanted to revive him long before the revive book became part of the story

part 2: what made it fall apart?

everything i've said so far has been pretty interesting (hopefully) but it doesn't really answer the original question: what went wrong to turn Schlatt and Quackity’s mainly positive partnership sour?

well it comes down to two things in my opinion: their incompatible desires for political power and Schlatt’s deteriorating mental state

Quackity wanted political power from the beginning and wasn't afraid to be open about his desires. he pooled his votes with Schlatt because Schlatt offered him the position of vice president, something Wilbur and Tommy weren’t willing to give to him. tho Quackity obviously cared about L’Manburg and wanted to see good things for it, he also desired power and was willing to team up with someone he didn't fully agree with to get said power

at 32:40 in this video, Quackity talks about how in politics everyone uses everyone so it's alright if Schlatt is using him. he then talks about how he doesn't want to be a man with no power and how he understands that Schlatt’s main goal is also gaining/keeping power. Quackity also shows a bit of his naughty evil side by saying if he overthrows Schlatt then the fun ends too early! 

(side note: these two are pretty evenly matched in intelligence and manipulativeness, i love it!) 

it's a bit of a fandom misconception that Quackity was a love sick yes man during the Manburg era. tho Quackity did want to please Schlatt and was in love with him, he didn't shy away from standing up to or disagreeing with Schlatt when he believed it was needed

at around 26:12 of this video, Quackity and Schlatt meet together in private and Quackity tells Schlatt off for playing down his role in the power structure of Manburg. since this was very early in Schlatt’s reign, Quackity shows no fear towards him and confidently tells him not to treat him like that

Quackity also broke Niki out of jail after regretting letting her be put there in the first place, tried to convince Schlatt to not execute Tubbo, jumped in front of Fundy when Schlatt tried to attack him, tried to stop Schlatt from tearing down buildings, and attempted to protect the white house he built from being destroyed by Schlatt. these are not behaviors of a pure yes man but of someone who, despite fear, has the confidence to speak up for himself even when disrespected by someone in authority

Quackity has always been someone who wanted power and someone who was never a yes man to authority. this contradicts with how Schlatt believed Quackity should act as vice president. in Schlatt’s opinion, Quackity’s one job is to sit around looking pretty while Schlatt does all of the important things and holds all of the power. Schlatt was a big fan of promoting people to worthless positions of authority and its pretty obvious that he considered vice president to be similar to the fake positions he gave Fundy and Tubbo 

in the end, this was a big part of what destroyed their relationship. like it or not, Quackity’s a power hungry guy and always has been. he didn't like that Schlatt constantly shoved him aside and refused to listen to him

now onto the nasty bit...Schlatt’s mental state

cw for mentions of alcoholism, mental deterioration, and abusive behavior  

before i say anything more, i just want to say that i don't think having issues with alcoholism makes someone a bad person. i personally have some issues with such things so it would be pretty stupid of me to say being an alcoholic makes you a bad person. alcoholism does negatively affect your cognitive functions tho and, combined with other health issues, can cause some of the very serious mental problems that Schlatt clearly struggles with

throughout the Manburg era, Schlatt’s mental state rapidly deteriorated. he went from a pretty normal- if eccentric- guy who had a drinking problem, to someone who was delirious most of the time. it's a sharp and noticeable decline that caused a lot of pain for Quackity due to Schlatt often taking his excess aggression out on him by yelling at him and/or belittling him. tho Schlatt often belittled Quackity before he went fully off of the deep end, it was never as aggressive as it was when he was in this delirious state of mind

it was during one of Schlatt’s most aggressive and delirious moments that he tore down the white house despite Quackity’s protests. as we all know, this caused Quackity to snap and kill Schlatt (it's more complicated than that but we will get back to that). as mentioned previously, Quackity implied that he would have stayed with Schlatt if the white house hadn’t been destroyed

in my opinion, these two things combined are the biggest reasons why Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship fell apart. their differing desires for power were not compatible and Schlatt’s awful behavior while his mental state declined caused a rift between them that couldn't be fixed

part 3: how toxic was it really?

cw for emotional and physical abuse 

as i said all the way back in part one, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not healthy. i have provided many examples in the other two parts that shine a light onto why it wasn't healthy, but i didn't show the entire picture

there are many moments that show exactly how Schlatt treated Quackity when he was acting at his worst and none of them are pretty. tho Schlatt was never truly aggressive with his insults until he started to go off of the deep end, that doesn't mean that what he said wasn't negatively affecting Quackity

Schlatt would belittle, insult, and mock Quackity for his appearance not being up to his standards, for his opinions, and for being emotional in ways that Schlatt disapproved of like crying. tho Schlatt would often brush off Quackity’s reactions towards this cruel behavior, it's very clear that Schlatt’s treatment of him has stuck with Quackity in many ways

Quackity is very sensitive about his appearance and it seems to be because of how badly Schlatt hurt his self esteem during their time together. Schlatt tied Quackity’s worth to his appearance and then would claim he wasn't meeting his standards of attractiveness. we can tell that this has stuck with Quackity because of his sensitivity towards people bringing up the scar on his face (something that greatly alters his physical appearance) and he still reacts very badly when Schlatt calls him the mocking nickname flatty patty

speaking of flatty patty- that stupid insult shockingly has a lot of weight in Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt. tho its something the audience is meant to laugh at, the nickname also shows just how little Schlatt respects Quackity because he's constantly throwing it around just to make Quackity upset. Schlatt’s last words are flatty patty all because he wanted to get in one last dig at his ex and ruin Quackity’s day even further 

Schlatt tends to do a lot of things that are intended to make Quackity upset. tearing down the room Quackity made for him in the white house is the biggest example of this- especially since Schlatt mentions how it will upset Quackity while he does it. you can see this moment at around 19:10 of this video

and now let's get into the elephant in the room when it comes to these two: Quackity was scared of Schlatt. tho we never really see Schlatt hit or attack Quackity physically outside of their confrontation at the white house or their confrontation in the caravan, these clips imply that Quackity was at the very least scared of Schlatt physically harming him in some way 

as for actually physically harming him, Schlatt hits Quackity multiple times with a pickaxe and with his fists during their white house fight. Quackity hits Schlatt a couple times too, tho these are all primarily defensive blows since he is trying to protect himself and his property. he also chases after Quackity with a bow after Quackity’s plan to trick him into signing Manburg over to the Pogtopians fails and hits him multiple times during the caravan confrontation

all of this evidence shows that Schlatt was an abusive (or at least toxic) partner towards Quackity and someone who greatly affected him in many ways

tho Quackity did a few questionable things throughout his relationship with Schlatt (such as trying to get Schlatt to have sex with him despite Schlatt not being interested as shown in the later half of this video) and did some downright morally wrong things during his time as vice president of Manburg, no one deserves the pain of an abusive relationship- even a person who has done bad things

as a brief side note before we move on because i know people will bring it up if i skip over it, Quackity did- and most likely still does- want to literally possess Glatt. he brought up reviving Schlatt and using him as a political pawn after Schlatt’s funeral and during their conversation at the Big Man Gym Quackity talked about owning Glatt and having him work at Las Nevadas with no pay

this is unsettling behavior to say the least but this essay isnt about the aftermath of their relationship so much as it is about their relationship when it was actually happening. maybe i will make another post talking more about how Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt affected him even after Schlatt’s death and/or about Quackity’s relationship with Glatt

part 4: final thoughts

i’m not exactly sure why the nuances in Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship get lost when it comes to the fandom, but it’s pretty disappointing to see. hopefully this essay can help people take a closer look at canon and maybe even help them find something interesting that they’d want to explore!

tho the point of this essay is to clear up any misconceptions and hopefully add some nuance to the conversations surrounding Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship, i also wrote it in hopes of showing people how fascinating these two partners in crime were back in the Manburg days. i didn’t cover everything but i think i did a pretty good job for my first analysis post in the dsmp fandom

also since you read to the end, i must say thank you! it really does means a lot to me that you did. i hope you enjoyed and maybe even learned something. this post can be used as a resource if anyone wants to use it as such

here’s a tiny devil Quackity for your troubles <3

[photogirl894]

"Sun and Rain"

Chapter 36

"A Partner's Loyalty"

A "Bad Batch" fanfic!

Pairing: Hunter x fem OC, Echo (more best friend pairing)

A/N: Wow, I'm shocked I got this chapter done so quickly! Especially since the idea behind this one, I didn't come up with until the last second when writing my last chapter.

This one may be a little dialogue heavy, but that's what I'm best at. I've written soft Crosshair before...well now prepare yourselves for some angsty Crosshair this time, loves 😅😁

Taglist: @the-sad-batch , @nimata-beroya , @intrepidmare , @mrskenobi677 , @tech-aficionado , @ladykatakuri , @d1n0-dan , @sammi9498 , @darthzero22 , @scarlettroseog , @tech-deck

《 Chapter 35

》 Chapter 37

All chapters

Explanation: Crosshair has a stern talk with Kimber about trust and loyalty.

Crosshair had too many thoughts rampaging through his mind as he laid in his bunk. That and he couldn’t help but still feel anxious even though Kimber had returned to them. It was almost as if he couldn’t believe it was real; that he wasn’t dreaming about Kimber coming back. He knew it had been real, but why did he still feel this way? Why did it feel like something wasn’t right? She had seemed far too calm, given how long she had been gone. Not that he expected her to be in full hysterics or anything, but given her demeanor upon retelling her story, it just seemed…different. He couldn’t pinpoint why. Maybe he was just being paranoid. Though, despite his senses not being enhanced like Hunter’s, his instincts usually weren’t far behind his brother’s and he more often than not wasn’t ever wrong. If he knew someone well enough, then it wasn’t hard for him to pick up when something was off or to predict their behaviors.

He was probably just imagining everything, having been silently worried for Kimber the whole time, and he just needed to clear his head. So he got up and left his bunk to go sit in the cockpit for a while. However, as he passed by Hunter’s bunk, he could hear voices inside…slightly raised voices. That seemed odd to him, so he came up to the door and put his ear to it, listening in to make sure everything was okay. 

"Hunter, really, I’m okay. You have nothing to worry about," he heard Kimber say on the other side of the door.

Then came Hunter’s voice: “I’m not convinced, sweetheart. You’re nervous even now.” There was a brief pause of silence before he spoke again, “What aren’t you telling me, Kimber? You know you can trust me.”

Crosshair was taken aback. What was going on? Why was Hunter questioning her? Was she not doing well after all? Had Crosshair been right in assuming that something had been off about her?

Kimber’s voice finally replied, “The truth is…I did omit certain things from my story.”

That wasn’t the explanation Crosshair had been expecting. He stood there dumbfounded as he heard Kimber go on to explain what had really happened to her; about the pirates, the auction and the Zygerrian slaver who had nearly gotten away with her. His blood boiled, both at the thought of the pirates and the slavers doing any harm to Kimber…but also at the fact that she had kept something so serious from the rest of the squad.

“We have to tell the boys,” Hunter stated once her story was through.

“Absolutely not,” she told him.

That only made Crosshair even more irritated. His fists clenched at his sides.

Hunter refuted, “They deserve to know.”

“I can’t. Promise me you won’t tell them, Hunter,” he heard her plead.

“Why not? Why didn’t you just tell us that before? We’re your squad; you should’ve trusted us with the truth.”

“Hunter, I do trust all of you and what I said was the truth…just not all of it.”

Finally, Crosshair couldn’t listen to it anymore and he walked away from the door and sat in the cockpit, feeling angry, hurt and even betrayed. Kimber, his friend, his partner, his sister, had essentially lied to him. She had been willing to hide the truth from him and his brothers…but not Hunter. Hunter was her sweetheart, but to Crosshair, that didn’t mean that he should have a higher level of trust, not when it came to this. Not when Kimber’s disappearance had affected all of them, not just Hunter. Why did Hunter get to know the truth, but not him or any of the others? Crosshair felt slighted because of that. The next time he had a moment alone with Kimber, he was going to have a word with her about this. She should trust him as much as she trusted Hunter.

As fate would have it, some time later, he heard one of the bunk doors open and, judging by the sound of the footsteps, he could tell it was Kimber who was up. It seemed he would have that moment alone with her a lot sooner than he thought. He could hear her come into the cockpit and then stop. Without even looking behind him, he figured she had seen him and was going to head back to her room, so he spoke up to get her attention while keeping his eyes on the ground.

“We need to talk, sunshine.”

“Crosshair…I thought you were asleep,” Kimber stated upon hearing his voice.

“No,” he simply responded, still facing away from her.

Wondering what was going on, Kimber hesitantly walked into the cockpit and sat in the chair across from him. His jaw was clenched and his lips were pursed. He looked grumpier than usual, which made no sense to her considering not that long ago, he had been fine.

Just as she was about to ask what was wrong, he said as if knowing the question was coming, “You didn’t tell us everything.”

Her heart fell hearing this from him. How had he found out?

Then Crosshair turned to look at her, an angry and also hurt look in his eyes that made Kimber’s chest tighten. “I overheard you talking to Hunter,” he stated. 

She hung her head guiltily. “How much did you hear?” she asked him. 

“Enough to know what really happened and that you don’t want the rest of us to know the truth,” he answered. 

Her head came back up to look at him. “If you had stuck around longer, then you would know that I gave my reasons for not telling you the whole story,” she said to him. 

With a stern look, he slowly stood up and declared, his voice bordering on mad, “We are your squad. I am your partner. We are supposed to trust each other and share each other’s burdens so we don’t feel overwhelmed and alone.”

“I do trust you; I trust you with my life,” she said back.

“Then why did you tell Hunter what really happened when you disappeared?”

“Crosshair, you of all people should know why.”

“That’s no excuse. Yes, you care for each other, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us should be exempt from the truth.”

Frustrated with Crosshair over this, she got up from her chair and then told him, “I would have told you all the truth eventually.”

Though Crosshair inquired in return, “How do you expect me to believe that when you explicitly told Hunter not to say anything to us?” When she struggled to find the words to respond, he then told her, “He wanted to give up, you know.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, irritated.

He explained, “Hunter thought you were dead and he was going to accept that without a second thought. I, however, refused to believe it until we had proof of anything and I was the one who figured out you had been smuggled off planet in one of those spice crates and urged him to follow that lead.”

“Think about it: if he couldn’t sense me and I was suddenly gone, what else was he supposed to think in the moment?”

“Do you not think hearing you might be dead affected me, too? Do you not think I was wracked with worry at your sudden disappearance? If I hadn’t stepped in, we would not be having this conversation right now.”

“Just what are you saying?” she asked him, puzzled.

“I’m saying your precious Sergeant was going to leave you for dead when the rest of us weren’t willing to; he was going to give up looking for you had I not intervened. If he really cared about you like he says, then he would have fought to find you without hesitation, but he didn’t. He is less deserving of your trust and you should have trusted me with the real truth of what happened to you.”

Flabbergasted at what she was hearing from him and wondering what he was trying to get at, Kimber then questioned him, “What do you want me to do, Crosshair? Give up my relationship with Hunter and be angry with him? Sing my praises for you instead and call you my hero? What do you want from me?”

He leaned in closer to her and hissed back, “I want you to show me the same level of loyalty that you show Hunter!”

“My bond with Hunter is different than yours and mine and you know this,” she said back, her voice hard but still quiet to not rouse the others. “And I’ll have you know: I didn’t plan to tell Hunter in the first place. I only told him because he wouldn’t let up about it and you and I both know that he’s the one person who would know something was wrong. I couldn’t hide it from him if I tried.”

Crosshair just shook his head, turning away from her and walking out of the cockpit.

“Don’t you turn your back on me!” she cried out, grabbing his arm and making him face her again. 

“Why not? You turned your back on me by not trusting me,” he fired back before resuming walking back to his bunk.

Kimber couldn’t believe that he was being so unwilling to understand and determined to win this argument. What was he trying to prove? She wasn't going to let it end there, so she followed him into his bunk, waiting for the door to close before speaking.

"Listen to me, Crosshair!" she cried. "You have to understand: I just barely returned to all of you. I didn’t want to tell the full story right away because I didn’t feel ready. It has nothing to do with not trusting you or anyone with the truth."

“I didn’t hear you tell Hunter you weren’t ready,” he snapped. 

She groaned aloud in frustration and exclaimed as quietly as she could, “Will you forget about Hunter for one second?!”

“No, I won’t, Kimber.”

There it was again: Crosshair using her name, which told Kimber that he was incredibly serious about this.

He went on, his tone growing cold, “Hunter may be your sweetheart, but you still should give me the same loyalty and trust you give him; you should give that to all of us…but you didn’t. You tell me you weren’t ready to tell the truth, yet you didn’t hesitate to tell Hunter. That’s a double standard that I won’t accept.”

“Crosshair, please….” she begged.

Ignoring her, he kept going, “Just because I do not show fear doesn’t mean I don’t experience it. I was horrified when we thought you were dead, but I refused to accept that until I knew for sure.”

“What I went through would have only added to your fear,” Kimber put in, “and fear is the reason that I didn’t want to tell any of you yet. I’ve been afraid to go to sleep for who knows how long tonight in fear of having nightmares about what happened. I was almost sold into slavery again and we would have been separated forever! I couldn’t even begin to imagine how devastating it would have been for any of you to go days, weeks, even months without finding me and having no way of knowing where in the galaxy I was. Do you think I wanted any of you to imagine such a scenario that almost came to be: one where I never returned home?”

For the first time throughout that whole argument, Crosshair looked at a loss for words. He gaped at her for a brief moment and then averted his gaze. Kimber could see in his expression that he was indeed now thinking about that hypothetical situation and could detect the vague hint of sadness in his eyes, despite his stern look.

“Crosshair, I trust you with all that I am,” she said, beginning to calm down, “and I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my partner. What I did was not out of spite towards you. I swear to you on my life, I would have told you and everyone else the truth when I was ready. I was scared of what I went through even though I put on a brave face. I’m barely hanging on right now…I can’t bear to think that you now hate me over this.”

She herself then turned away, fighting back the urge to cry again. She hadn’t realized the mistake she had made in keeping the truth from her boys and she was angry at herself for creating a divide between her and Crosshair. All she wanted was for things to get back to normal with her squad and not even a few hours later, everything was already different and potentially ruined. What was she going to do?

Then she heard Crosshair say softly behind her, “I don’t hate you...I could never.”

The slight quiver in his voice tugged at Kimber’s heart. She couldn’t bring herself to turn around and face him.

He then said, “I just…don’t want to always come in second to Hunter.”

With a light sigh, she told him, still not looking back, “Crosshair, I love him.” She paused, waiting to see if he would react, but there was nothing.

Behind her, he closed his eyes and sighed quietly. He’d had a feeling that the depths of her feelings for Hunter had gotten that far. 

She continued, “And I love you, too. In a different way, but I care about you greatly nonetheless. I need you to know that.”

Crosshair’s teeth clenched and he hung his head, trying to keep himself together at hearing her say that to him. Even though he knew she cared, actually hearing her say she loved him--albeit not in the same way she loved Hunter, naturally--meant so much to him. It still astounded him that anyone outside of his Clone brothers could love him in any way...yet somehow, Kimber did.

Then she said, "My bond with Hunter is different than the bond I share with you and there will be times where Hunter might come first...but overall, you both are equal in my eyes; all of you are. It's not a matter of trusting one of you over the other. I just didn't feel I was ready to relive my experience and you guys weren't ready for the shock of it all. Please, understand that."

Crosshair remained silent.

"I'm sorry for not telling you, Crosshair. I really am," Kimber apologized to him. "It was never my intention to hurt you or betray your trust. I would never do that willingly, never."

Still, he stayed quiet.

A slew of words came pouring out of her mouth before she could stop herself, "I had no way of knowing what you all went through when you were searching for me. I didn't know Hunter nearly succumbed to grief and gave up. I didn't know you were the one who figured out what happened in the alley and urged him to press forward. How could I have known? I know you're angry at Hunter for many reasons, but none of that should matter, though. It was all a terrible, unfortunate situation we found ourselves in and no one should be angry with anyone for anything." She took a shaky breath, keeping her calm as best she could. "I'm sorry for causing you lads so much worry and stress. I feel that's all I've done since I joined this squad in the first place. I count myself incredibly lucky to have a squad that would continue to put up with me and would scour the galaxy to find me."

For a quick moment, Kimber looked back over her shoulder at Crosshair. His back was now to her and his gaze was directed to the floor. She wasn't sure if he still even cared to listen to her and she felt discouraged. Perhaps the damage had already been done.

"You were right...I should have told you," she admitted. "Either that or I should have stood up for myself better against Hunter and told him I wasn't ready to tell you all the truth yet. I just...I just wanted to be home." Her throat was tightening up as she spoke. "I wanted to be back with my boys...with my family...and have things be back to normal...but it would seem I've ruined all hope for that. I've tarnished our partnership with my mistake." Then she turned back to the door and whispered, "I really am sorry, Crosshair." With that, she opened the door and left the room.

A silent tear fell down Crosshair's cheek. He hated this. He hated it immensely. Part of him was still angry with Kimber...while the other part of him wanted to pull her back into the room, embrace her and tell her everything would be okay, but his pride wouldn't let him. He'd been hurt by what she'd done and all he could do was stand in his bunk, inwardly cursing himself and everything else.

Back out in the cabin of the ship, Kimber curled up into one of the seats, hugging her knees against her chest, and was fighting a losing battle with her emotions as she gazed out into space through the viewport. She had really messed up this time. What she thought was protecting her friends had only ended up hurting one of the ones she valued most more than she anticipated. Now, even back home aboard the Marauder with her squad; her family...she felt more lost than ever.

In that moment, not even the vast sea of stars could offer Kimber the comfort she needed.

[natsukitakama]

Being in relationship with Zeke Yeager would include

*looking respectfully* 

Author note : I know some people aren’t quite found of him and I can understand. But I know some of you simp for him (me too don’t worry). I hope you’ll enjoy this. 

i do not own that gif I found it on google so credit to the owner (if you know them please let me know)

Warning : mention of spoiler if you haven’t season 2, 3 et 4 / slight nsfw cause I’m going to hell / fluffy because we derserve it 

Masterlist 

Annoying. Not in a bad way but this man can’t shut up, he always has something to tell just because he loves seeing you getting flustered or angry because of him. 

That’s just how he is. He loves teases people and get the most of them. It’s even worse with his S/O 

Typically if you want to kiss him (private or in public won’t matter although he might prefers being private about his relationship) he would litteraly make you beg for it. « Couldn’t you wait until we’re home ? So needy Y/N » 

Since he was educated to be a leader he is pretty god at reading people’s body language and won’t hesitate to use it on you. 

Not a surprise here you barely got a fight : the man barely loses his temper and since he can read you like an open book he knows exactly what to do to avoid situation like this. 

Nonetheless it doesn’t mean he can’t provide every argument. So yeah times to times you two fight, most of the time because you know he is hiding something from you, and everytime you confront him about it he just brushes if off telling you, you’re being paranoid or something. 

Although he got a huge ego so yeah he might act as if he was smarter than you and would tell you so.

He is kinda mean and cold and even though he is trying his best to cherish you, sometimes he says things he shouldn’t tell. It ends up with you crying or trying not to (but he can tell) and just leave him. 

Man he hates it. Everytime he got to see his grandparents and everytime they scold him for being an assholes to you. 

And everytime he could come back to you with a gift either a book that you might be interest on, flowers or even jewellery if you are into that. 

He would apologize for being a dick to you

100% end up making sweet love just to be sure he is forgiven (also because he misses your touch but shhh he has a reputation) 

Don’t lie to him. He would know. As I said before he can read people and especially your body’s language. It took you a long time before owning his trust, don’t give him reason to not trust you : it you want to say something tell him.

He is pretty blunt himself so he won’t mind and actually would love it if you are confident and comfortable enough with him to talk about anything

Like I said earlier he might want to be cautious with your relationship, not because he is ashamed or anything but he knows that not everyone loves him and he is afraid that they might use you against him as a threat. He can’t tolerate that (also because he will betray his own army, he doesn’t want you to get hurt or worst because of him) 

Yeah because you’re not a part of his plan, he never talked about anything related to his plan. 

It might surprise you but I don’t think he is actually good at flirting. He is pretty blunt and not that subtle, he won’t go as far as to say « I think you’re hot » on your first meeting but still you will notice that he was more talkative with you. 

Maybe it’s a fantaisie of mine but I think he would love send you letters : he tends to be more sensual while writing. You always got a letter when you start your day at work and if he couldn’t manage to be with you that or even call you during work, he’ll send you another one with flower to apologize. 

But he can be smooth when he wants to, especially when he is teasing you : that’s his way of flirting with you. He can’t help but feel like he has to tease you just to see you with a pout on your face. (His heart melt everytime he saw you like this) 

He tends to be more rough with his teasing if he is dating a male than a women, his grandma raise him to treat women like queen so he will oblige. 

He daydreams a lot about you, sometimes it’s just about you laying on his chest sleeping like a baby, he could literally feel your soft hair on his hands as he stroke them. Sometimes it’s more sensual, as he could easily remember the touch of your skin against his hands, the whimper that left your lips each time he is kissing you, sucking you, bitting you, the way you gripped his shoulder as he was pouding into your core relentless. 

It didn’t help that everything seemed to remember him of you, when he is drinking is usual coffee at 10 AM he got a memory of you cooking his breakfast whistling softly as you were happy to cook some meal for your man. When is having his tea after his lunch time the flower scent coming from his tea makes him of your perfume. His book and paper on his desk, reminds him of you when you’re overworking, claiming that your mess make actually sense for you and that no you weren’t just too lazy to clean up. 

If he claims himself to be good when it came to emotion and to keep everything for himself, his grand-parent noticed something about his behavior. He seemed more clean and presentable (not that it wasn’t the case but he wasn’t the one to take extra attention of his looks), he was more polite always trying to not swear or at least not that much, they noticed him looking somewhere as if he was looking for someone. 

Sometimes he calls you just to annoy his superior (cause he knows they survey him), just to talk about anything but especially to talk trash about some embarrassing things. But since he never used a name or something they never know if he was talking to you or someone he just slept with. Occasionally he would talk about embarrassing story about this superior, he knows he won’t be punished otherwise it would be a proof that he was telling the truth earlier. 

He is possessive not like Porco or Eren where they would let their anger scare the poor people trying to talk to you, he is smart enough to know when someone is hitting on you or when someone is just speaking to you. But still, he doesn’t like when he sees somebody being too touchy on you. How dare they ? He is commander, smart, handsome, strong and that poor people think they could challenge him ? 

During time like this after, kicking that poor person out of your way, he would take you home. Don’t ever think you leave this house, he won’t stop loving you until you can’t walk and the only thing you could remember is his own name. 

Be careful, Zeke is patient very patient. 

If you think he won’t edge you until you’re crying mess for release you’re wrong. He tends to tease you and make you beg to cum, so when he feels like he has to remind you who you belong to, one word can describe your night with him : intense (yeah because not only will he edge you but he’ll also overstimulate you and if you’re crying because it’s too much he would just look at you as if he was surprised « oh ? Too much ? But I thought you wanted to cum ?". 

He doens’t want children for multiple reason and he won’t like if you keep ask him about it : he doesn’t want to be a father please respect his decision. (He would try to explain to you his opinion so it won’t appear as a selfish decision) 

Some nights, he feels guilty for not explaining to you his plan, what he wants for future but he knows it’s for your own sake. You couldn’t take it and he is aware that he is not mean to last forever and than one day you would wake up and he won’t be there for you, he is already acting like a an asshole because he is taking your love while he knows he would die eventually (quicker than you he hopes), he won’t put any pressure because of his plan. 

[cyncerity]

Hey I finally finished my thing for the mcyt g/t content exchange!!

I got @forgetful-dorito as my person, and I had a really fun time writing this seeing as you and I apparently have a lot of the same favorite g/t scenarios lmao. I picked the 3rd prompt and incorporated some of the aspects that you said you liked reading, so I hope you enjoy!!

tw: injuries and blood

Everything had gone to shit. One moment he was relaxing with his sons, and the next he was trudging through the forest with a broken ankle and a twisted wing. He couldn’t even fully remember how it happened. He just knew that somehow, now, he was alone. Well, sort of alone. He wouldn’t exactly call the two hunters chasing him welcome company.

Phil forced himself off the ground, despite the searing pain from his wing, and into a bush where he collapsed and put all his focus into being silent as his pursuers came into the clearing.

They carried cages, ropes, and knives with them, all no doubt to help them catch and bind the tiny hybrid. What for, Phil didn’t know. A pet, maybe, or food, if they were from that part of the black market. He wasn’t about to fly up and ask them. Phil saw them coming closer to his bush and quickly decided move to a different spot. He tried to get himself off the ground once more and fell almost immediately, the pain from the first attempt leaving him sore and flightless.

He tried to just crouch lower in the same spot, but a boot coming down near inches from his face made him sure he wasn’t safe. Phil ran as fast as his legs could carry him to a nearby bush, but his sprint on an injured foot couldn’t compare to the distance one of the hunter’s steps in his direction. Before he could even process what was happening, cold, rough hands grabbed him from behind, crushing his wing and knocking the air out of him as he let out a strangled yelp of pain.

“Finally! Geez, you were a pain in the ass to catch. Hopefully we can get a nice price on you to make it worth it.” One of the hunters snickered. The hunter called out to his companion and soon Phil was thrown into a steel cage, the door slammed shut behind him.

The cage was tied onto one of the hunter’s backpacks and soon they were off, leaving Phil being knocked back and forth in the cage with every step the hunter took. He grabbed onto the bars around him, desperate for any release from the repetitive slam into the walls around him, but he found himself to weak to keep a hold of anything. So he did the next best thing: he curled in on himself to brace for the impact, tucking his head between his knees, and cried.

How could he have let this happen? He had three sons to take care of! What would they do without him? He sighed, unfortunately knowing the truth that his sons were bigger than him, and though he was sure they’d be sad about his disappearance, they could manage fine without him. After all, what could he do for them that they couldn’t do for themselves?

Suddenly, after what felt like hours of waking, the cage stopped swinging. Phil forgot all that he had been thinking momentarily to relish the relief from the pain, not even caring why or how. But he was quickly brought back into his own thoughts as he heard something going on in front of the hunters that he couldn’t see. There seemed to be idle conversation that Phil’s muddled mind couldn’t pick up on, but it didn’t exactly matter to him. At least not until suddenly one of the men who kidnapped him yelled, and he was moving again, as the hunters turned around and sprinted in the opposite direction. The cage swung violently as Phil was dragged with them, now getting a clear look at what they were running from.

Technoblade stood where the hunters had just stood, a bloodied switchblade in his hand and a murderous glint in his eye. He seemed to be caught off guard by the fact that the men had run, given that Techno was standing still. Nonetheless, as soon as Phil saw him he began to cry out, begging, screaming for Techno to catch up to the men. But he was to far behind, now. And wasn’t even making a move to run. Phil didn’t know what he was doing until the switchblade suddenly left his hand, heading straight for the cage.

Phil was on the forest ground seconds later, the rope holding him him to the hunter cut by Techno’s knife as the men continued to run, unaware Phil was even missing. Techno ran up to Phil’s side holding anti-bacterial medicines, bandages, and a waterbottle, all the rug size for tinies to use. Phil also heard something being spoken to him, and as tired as he was, he tried his best to listen.

“-ad? Dad?! Are you ok? Can you hear me?! Oh my god your wing, what did they do to you? Please, c’mon Phil..” Techno worriedly stuttered. The cage door to the side of Phil was opened, and a hand reached in to help him out. Logically, Phil knew it was Techno. Logically, Phil knew that Techno wanted to help him. And logically, Phil knew that he wanted out of the cage. But Phil couldn’t be logical right now.

The tiny avian flinched from the hand and pushed himself in the opposite direction of the door. Phil tried to apologize once he realized what he’d subconsciously done before the look on Technos face shut him up. His son looked hurt. Not in the same way as Phil, since he was sure he looked like shit at the moment, but hurt as in betrayed. “I’m sorry, It’s not you, I swear, I just- I-“ “It’s ok, you must be in a lot of pain right now. What hurts?” Phil tried to apologize before Techno cut him off. The expression didn’t leave Technos face entirely, but it at least softened some.

“My wing and my right ankle. Im sure at least one is broken, if not both.” Techno nodded and slowly turned the cage so that the open door was beneath Phil, sliding the tiny so that he was on solid ground before he lifted the cage off of him. Techno held up the medical supplies to Phil. “Wilbur gave me these in case you were hurt when I found you. Do you want to put them on or should I?” Phil didn’t know how to respond. He definitely wasn’t in shape to bandage himself, but Techno didn’t feel…as safe as usual for some reason. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he knew he was being over dramatic. Phil sighed. “Y-you can bandage my wing, but I think I’ll need a hospital for my ankle.”

Techno nodded and for a split second, Phil expected to feel the burning pain sensation he felt when the wing was injured, or the cold grip he was trapped in when he was caught, but instead he only felt a light trickle and minor sting of hydrogen peroxide over his feathers. He felt how careful Techno was being as he wrapped the wing in bandages that were comically to small for him but just the right size for Phil. That made him feel better. Techno soon finished wrapping the wing and put the supplies away as he handed the water to Phil.

“Wilbur and Tommy are worried sick, I should probably call them and tell them I found you. We have a rendezvous point outside of the forest set up, but I can tell them to meet me directly at the hospital if your foot is really that bad.” Phil nodded as he drank the water, feeling a bit better.“Can I carry you? I’m not sure I can call an ambulance to the middle of the woods.” Phil hesitated at that, before nodding again. He was just being paranoid. Techno had never done anything to hurt him in the past, he wouldn’t now. Besides, he was still Phil’s son, and he loved him. He could at least have a little faith in him.

Techno gently lifted Phil off the ground, cupping the tiny against his chest as he began to slowly walk through the forest. Phil leaned back against the warmth and began to feel drowsy as the steady beating of Technos heart. All it took after that was Techno rubbing his finger down Phil’s back and the tiny avian was lulled to a peaceful sleep.

[samissosexyyy]

Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').

YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-

And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.

Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-

Dio, Part 1

Vampire form of course.

First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.

Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.

Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.

So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.

Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!

Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.

The Pillarmen

And satannnaaaaa

First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.

So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.

You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.

Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.

Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.

"No. No."

[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]

"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"

"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"

or something like that :')

Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-

They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby

Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.

Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.

But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.

They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.

And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.

Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.

Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.

Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!

Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,,  did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young

Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!

Yoshikage kira.

Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.

Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.

Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.

Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.

Doppio/Diavolo

Oh dear. You poor child.

Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.

"Where's big sister?"

"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."

Smh quit LIEING you jERK!

But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.

"My kid is fine!"

The kid they kidnapped/raised:

Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.❤💚💛

Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.

Pucci

Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.

So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!

Jotaro would probably scare you,  so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!

Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?

Diego

Oh wow- dino dad :)

Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!

He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.

Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.

And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!

Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.

Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-

Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.

Funny Valentine

Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?

No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.

Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.

"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."

"but mommys lips didn't-"

"Your face will melt off."

Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!

Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-

AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???

[pagingevilspawn]

you gave me your word (but that didn't matter)

t.s x jolex week 21

day seven: sour- traitor

wc: 1.1k

pairing: Jo Wilson/Alex Karev (past). Alex Karev/Izzie Stevens

summary: jo writes a letter (spoiler alert; it's a shame she's the only one who ever sees it.)

rating: general audiences

warnings: angst, heartbreak, no happy ending

A/N: this is my favorite thing i've ever written for jolex. for once i can say i'm actually proud of a fic i put out. i hope you guys like it too! this is actually part of another series i'm working on that i'll probably never finish, but hey... it's worth a shot. again, enjoy!

____

The pen felt heavy in her hand, but she knew that if she truly wanted to let him go, she would let her hands write the words her lips so desperately wanted to say.

And with that, she began to write.

Alex,

The truth is that I could play dumb. I could say that you acted perfectly normal in the weeks leading up to your trip to what I thought was Iowa. I could say that your eyes didn’t look guilty every time they said they loved me, that your little white lies went unnoticed. But then I’d be lying, and that makes me just as bad as you.

I brushed it off then, thinking that you were just stressed about your mom, worrying that it would take a strain on our life together if you needed to spend more time out there than you originally had planned for. I made excuses for you. I shouldn’t have.

Because I know now that you talked to her —Izzie, who knows, maybe you even did worse; whispered through the phone that you couldn’t wait to see her the same way you had once for me. But I said nothing, because I thought that at the end of the day, when the calls to your ‘mom’ were over, you would crawl back into bed with me. And you did. For a while.

It’s almost humorous, the way that the second that you came back into contact with her you had already left me. There’s no point in denying it. You weren’t mine anymore. And not just because she had your kids, you said it yourself, how it was like no time had passed. Funny, last time you saw each other she had left you in a letter, only to come back later and for you to end things. Quite a different situation that the one you’re currently in.

You betrayed me, Alex. You can say that you’re sorry all you want, but I don't think that you are. I think that you're so caught up in this picture perfect life with your new blonde girl and what I’m assuming are little blonde children that you haven’t realized how much your actions have hurt me. Because I like to think that the man I know, the man I married, would never have done something that he knew would hurt me so greatly.

I loved you Alex, through everything. Every crappy thing you’d ever said in a fit of anger, any hurtful word you might’ve muttered without thinking, I loved you through it all. I was there for you. But it seems like in the end, none of that matters, because I’m here, and you’re not.

How long did it take you Alex? How long did it take you to wrap her in your arms and whisper that you love her? Two weeks? Did it take you two weeks to go off and date her? To whisk her off to some nice restaurant that you would never take me to because you knew how much I hated places like those. (You’d told me once that me and Izzie were nothing alike, almost polar opposites personality wise.)

I’m choosing to believe that you didn’t cheat. That you didn’t sleep with her or kiss her until you had been told that our divorce papers had been filed. I’m choosing to believe that you weren't a cheater. But you’re still a traitor.

You’ve made me question everything Alex. I never doubted that you loved me. I know that you did. I’m just wondering if you ever loved me as much as you loved her. If you ever stop being in love with her.

Because, let’s be real here for a second, if you were being honest with me for all these years, and that you were in love with me, then that means that you also never fell out of love with her. Because there’s no way you can fall in love with someone that quickly.

Looking back on it now, I feel a bit foolish. You never answered my questions about her, giving me short answers that I associated with memories that you would rather not bring to the surface. But what was it really Alex? Were you scared that talking about her would show me that you weren’t really over her? That you were still in love with her, like you were with me?

I brought up the embryos once, remember that? You’d told me that I was paranoid, that you didn’t have babies with Izzie. (But would you look at that? You did)

I had said that even if you didn’t have babies with Izzie, you wanted them. You'd assured me that you wanted everything with me, but was that just because you didn’t think you could have it with her? Was I just second place?

Because if you wanted everything with me Alex, truly wanted everything, you would’ve told me. You would’ve told me about Izzie, you would’ve told me about your twins, and not through a letter. If you truly wanted everything with me Alex, the dog, the kids, and the stupid house with a white picket fence in a good school district, you would’ve told me everything. Because you know me better than I know myself Alex, and you know damn well that I would’ve easily become a step-mom to your kids. I would’ve moved to Kansas if you wanted to. I would’ve gotten us a house out here if you preferred that. I would’ve done anything without hesitation Alex, and it wouldn’t have been much of a sacrifice, because I would’ve had you.

And that’s all I ever really wanted.

I want you to promise me something. It’s the least you owe me, after all.

When you and Izzie are sleeping in the bed we made (the way the comforter is folded back the way I showed you so that you can have both on leg under and on leg on top when you sleep) don’t you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.

—Jo.

She signs off her name, and she can finally feel the hot tears on her cheeks, multiple drops splatter across the pages, blotting the ink. She folds the papers, placing them into the envelope she had set off to the side for this.

To: The Traitor the envelope reads, and she takes a match to the object that had once caused her so much pain—

And she lets it burn.

God I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

____

@thejolexgroupchat

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Dogwarts Angst prompt: With so many out for his blood, Martyn needs power and protection so, what does he do? Mutiny, he slays his king in a way that gets him no suspicions and claims it was another faction (prob the desert given they have a gunpowder farm). Then, uses Ren as a martyr and symbol ("for our fallen king!") to gain the loyalty of the Red Army...HIS army...

this was so painful to write asdfghjkl not because it’s bad but bc i love loyal Martyn too much and the idea of him betraying Ren is horrible lol

...

It’s nearing sunset and Martyn and Ren are out for a walk near their base. Martyn is sweating a little; he has a plan and everything has to go just right or his life will be over. Ren has already asked a few questions but at least he seemed mostly satisfied with Martyn’s answers.

“You alright, there, Martyn?” says Ren after a while. “You seem to be looking around a lot.”

“Having a bounty on my head is making me a little nervous,” responds Martyn. “I love being wanted but it really makes a guy paranoid.”

Ren smiles sympathetically at him. “Understandable. I never thought-.”

“Wait!” Martyn gasps involuntarily, spotting the thin tripwire he set up, only just visible through the trees. “I-I think I see someone. Quickly!”

He takes off towards the trees, with Ren just behind him. Hopping over the tripwire, he hides behind another tree a few blocks away until he hears Ren yelp, “Martyn, I just tripped on something!”

Martyn immediately dashes for cover, leaving Ren behind.

The last thing he hears is Ren yelling his name, before the world explodes around him.

Luckily, Martyn is far enough away that the explosions only knock him lightly off his feet. Hurriedly getting back up, he rushes back the way he came, to find Ren lying in the centre of the large crater on his back, a small puddle of blood under his head.

Martyn kneels down beside Ren and cradles his head in his lap. Despite his plans, he can’t help feeling a twinge of guilt.

“M-Martyn…” coughs Ren, eyelids fluttering. “Wh…”

“I’m sorry, My Liege,” Martyn starts quietly, before abruptly changing what he was going to say. “I shouldn’t have left your side.”

“It’s okay,” Ren whispers, giving a weak smile, as he reaches up with a shaky hand to touch Martyn’s shoulder. “T-Take my crown. D-Dogwarts is yours, o-okay? Take c-care of it.”

Martyn nods as he carefully takes the crown from Ren. “Of course.”

Ren’s eyes slowly close for the final time and his body disappears.

Renthedog blew up

Martyn sits back on his ankles, allowing himself a minute to cry. He doesn’t hate his plan - he chose this path after all - but he does hate not being honest. He’d been planning to reveal his treachery to Ren just before he died but when it came down to it, he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t quite force himself to admit that he’d betrayed the man who gave him shelter, a purpose, and the position to be able to take control of arguably the most powerful alliance on the server.

He has made the decision to let Ren go to his grave believing that his dedicated friend was loyal to the end.

And now Martyn must live with that.

He stays there for a while, until he hears a distant voice yelling his name. It’s a friendly voice, so Martyn doesn’t move. This is his chance to start the performance of his life.

Sure enough, Skizz soon appears through the trees, followed closely by Etho. The two skid to a halt as they register the scene: Martyn kneeling in the crater with Ren’s crown in his lap.

“No!” Skizz gasps, rushing to Martyn’s side. “Oh no, are you okay?! What happened?!”

“I… The D-Desert Alliance must’ve trapped the area,” Martyn croaks, forcing himself to act shell-shocked. “I was stupid; I-I left Ren’s side to scout ahead. By the time I heard the TNT hissing, it was t-too late to save him.”

“Oh my god…” Skizz hugs Martyn tightly. “I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?”

“N-No, I was far enough away from the explosion.” Martyn clutches the crown as if his life depends on it. “I… What do we do now…?”

“Now, you gotta take over as the red king,” Skizz says, exactly as Martyn hoped. “Ren gave you his crown, right? He wanted you to take over for him.”

Martyn clears his throat. “Yeah… you’re right. We have to avenge Ren.”

Skizz nods, his eyes flashing red. “They gotta pay for what they did to our king, Martyn. I need to make them pay.”

“Me too,” responds Martyn. “For Ren."

…

When they get back to Dogwarts, the sun has long since set. Martyn is standing on the altar, holding Ren’s sword. He can’t stop thinking about Ren, as he’s sure none of his team can. But he knows it’s for very different reasons.

“Hey,” says Skizz’s voice gently from behind him. “You should get some sleep. It’s been a rough day.”

Martyn nods slowly. “I know, I just… I’m a little nervous.”

Skizz moves to his side and places his hand on Martyn’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Martyn. You know we’ll all protect you, right? You’re our new king; we’ll protect you with our lives, no matter how many stupid bounties are on your head.”

“Thanks, Skizz. I appreciate that.” Martyn can’t quite manage a smile. “Get some sleep. We’re gonna attack the Desert Alliance tomorrow at dawn.”

“Really?” Skizz stares at him. “Do you have a plan?”

“I’ll address everyone properly first thing in the morning.”

“Okay. Night, buddy. I mean… My Liege.”

Martyn carefully watches Skizz go into the building, before heading out towards the gate. His plan is working better than he could have ever imagined. Nobody suspects him. The only person who would even have the capacity to suspect him is-.

“Hey, Martyn.”

Martyn freezes as he hears Etho’s voice. Turning slowly, he spots his ally leaning against the wall, arms folded. “Hi. You startled me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Etho’s expression is friendly but there’s something underneath, something that makes Martyn uneasy. “I just had a question for you, if that’s okay?”

Martyn turns fully to face Etho. “Shoot.”

“Did you see anyone around when you and Ren were out there, just before the trap went off?” Etho asks. “Anyone at all?”

This feels like a trap to Martyn. The easy thing to do would be to say yes, to tell Etho that he saw someone lurking around. But at the same time, maybe Etho is expecting him to say no. Either way, Martyn risks elevating Etho’s suspicions.

After taking a few seconds to think, he replies, “I thought I did, but I can’t be sure. That’s part of the reason I went ahead; I thought maybe someone was waiting to ambush us.”

“Right, I see.” Etho seems neither satisfied nor dissatisfied with his response. “So. An attack on the Desert Alliance at dawn, huh?”

Martyn nods, realising that Etho heard what he said to Skizz. “My reasoning is they’ll probably be expecting us to be weak and have to spend a few days to regroup after Ren’s loss. They won’t expect an immediate attack.”

“I see. That makes sense. I guess we’d better all get some rest, huh? Including you.”

“Yeah, I’ve just gotta do one thing before I turn in. But by all means, you go ahead.”

“I will,” Etho says. “Night, Martyn.”

“Night.”

Martyn watches Etho go back inside, before heading out to the grave Skizz made for Ren. He kneels in front of it and lays a flower on it.

“Sorry, Ren,” he murmurs. “There’s a new red king now.”

[smp-live]

Was scrolling through c!Wilbur crit blogs again and it got me thinking about why exactly I argue in favour of him so much so here’s a random ramble (that got long) about it:

Most c!Wilbur critics (at least, in the tag, not directly post-lore stream. The ones that do actual analysis on him) are like... really reasonable about it, actually, lmao. Like it’s mostly just calling him a bad person because of power hunger/manipulation/being a bad dad/whatever else. (Not talking about antis. I mean people who are really critical of him, but recognize that he’s a well-crafted character with nuance.)

Which I agree with! I consider myself an apologist, my writing and analysis leans really sympathetic, and I still agree that he’s a shitty rat bastard that I would run far away from irl. Even at the beginning of the story, he’s very morally grey, sometimes using underhanded persuasion tactics, doing ehh things like stealing, and it only gets worse from there.

But on the other hand, he’s... not that bad. Like I saw one person say about c!Dream, “My reaction to most critique of him is... so what?” and that’s how I feel about c!Wilbur, I suppose. Yeah, he tried to rig an election - but it was a last-ditch effort at not going full dictator, he didn’t follow through, and later on he - in part - decided to blow it up because they couldn’t get it back while being democratic. And yeah, he manipulated people - all in all, it wasn’t really really bad things, mostly to paint himself in a better light because of his insecurities, and people sometimes fall into manipulative language without even outwardly realizing that it’s a shitty thing to do. Of course, that shows a bigger underlying problem in their mindset and the way they interpret relationships and possession, but then that’s a different discussion - and definitely one that applies to c!Wilbur.

(Not saying he doesn’t ever intentionally manipulate people. I think that a. sometimes it might be accidental, (”If you wanna be President you’re gonna have to get on my good side,” mans was Not thinking straight,) and b. other times he falls into old habits/coping mechanisms that happen to be manipulation, (Tommy at Las Nevadas.) Other than the election and maybe some times in the early founding of L’Manberg, I can’t think of any moments where I’m like, “Yeah, he is Purposefully Manipulating here.” And even then, it just doesn’t strike me as a terrible thing. People manipulate, it’s a thing they do. That’s it. A morally grey action.)

And I think the majority of the reason I make more posts painting him in a positive light and don’t really discuss my critique of him is because it feels like the fandom has an overwhelming bias of hatred/crit, even if a lot of that isn’t, y’know, proper analysis of his character. I instinctively want to balance it out for this character I love/relate to, because a lot of what I see straight-up ignores the lighter side of his moral-greyness.

Like, a while back, I posted a couple clips from late-election arc, of Wilbur talking about how he feels about Fundy siding with Quackity and against him. And the way I initially saw it while watching was, “Okay. He feels betrayed by his son who disagrees with his politics - and thus, him as a person, because your politics are a reflection of your identity, especially in Wilbur’s mind - and it’s perfectly understandable that he’d want to vent about that in private to a close friend. On the other hand, he should be able to recognize that Fundy’s allowed to be his own person and shouldn’t be babied. Fundy is in the right, here, but Wilbur’s feelings shouldn’t be dismissed.”

But then 90% of the tags were just straight-up hate for c!Wilbur, going as far as to say that he should die again. (And this was after we found out how bad the afterlife was for him.) That fucking floored me. I just couldn’t understand how they took this nuanced character aching for ‘the son he knew’ back (hm. very similar to c!Phil, actually) and turned it into ‘wow. This suicidal man sucks and should maybe die.’ I was so close to making a post defending him before realizing - I was letting fandom bias against a character push me further onto the sympathetic side.

And that’s such a fuckin’ weird thing to have happen, because you’d think that exposure to negativity about a character would make you feel more negative about them? But without fail, every time I scroll through the crit tag, or read a critical post about c!Wilbur/L’Manberg, I maybe lean a bit more towards that side for a few hours before swinging back hard onto the apologist side. Because a lot of the critique, to me, is really just, “so what?” after I let it stew a bit.

Then there’s the whole mental health issue. Obviously it doesn’t excuse the shit he did - I know people who have been in the middle of breakdowns and the stuff they say still fucking hurts, even if they didn’t truly mean it. But recognizing that he needs help? That for pretty much all his time on-screen, he was depressed and paranoid, which obviously affects the way he acts? That’s obvious. And were he in the position to get professional help - which he deserves - everything would be much better off. That’s the root of my apologism, I think: He deserves to get better. He’s not inherently evil, or bad, just a fucked up little man who’s ruined his own life and needs help. I want to see him, specifically him, get better.

Narratively, his punishment has been extreme and disproportionate. Every mistake, every choice - good or bad - has led to suffering, on his part. Start a fun little rebellion, maybe to gain some power? War and betrayal. Declare an election to consolidate said power? Lose, and get exiled. Blow up a nation? Die, and even in the afterlife, he can't catch a break. Purely as a sympathetic human, it feels like he deserves to rest. Deserves to heal.

But even medicated and less anxious, or going to therapy for his neuroticism and depression, or whatever, he still would be quite morally grey. A lot of his manipulation, his power hunger, comes from this neuroticism; from needing to feel safe and needed, (just like Quackity.) Not all of it, though. He’d still have his unhealthy ideals about relationships and possession, for example. Less prominent, sure, but still there. Some people, I feel, discount how tied up with his mental illness it is, while others don’t really recognize that it’s also a personality problem. Like, changing those beliefs is changing part of who he fundamentally is, as a person.

Actually, I think the c!Wilbur apologist community, in general, tends to scapegoat his mental illness a little too much? Not in that we explain his actions with it or ask people not to villainize it, (although sometimes I feel that what we call villainizing mental illness is a bit excessive, but it’s not my place to talk about that as someone who doesn’t really relate to Pogtopia!Wilbur,) but in that we use it in discussions a lot. Which is fair, because it permeates every single aspect of his character, but even without it he’d have toxic traits? Like his possessiveness is not purely a byproduct of his mental illness, imo. Nor is his treatment of Fundy. It’s amplified by it, surely, but that little seed of it is there in the first place. Just as c!Dream’s abuse needs to be addressed as a central part of his character, c!Wilbur’s possessiveness does too - and also outside of the context of their mental health, because they’re both brought on by an internal personality flaw, some fucked-up belief, if that makes sense.

As I said before: c!Wilbur is a mess of a human being that I would hate if I actually met. (irl I would’ve been a SWAG supporter, based on policies, but since this is fiction, I was POG.) But because he’s a character, that flies out the window, and I can love him - not even just as a character, in the sense that I appreciate he’s well-crafted, but in terms of personality and all that shit, while recognizing he’s a kinda crappy guy. Because he’s a character. That’s the fun of it.

[queenof-literature]

A Sick Wild Child - Chapter 9

Here it is! Thank you all so much for being so supportive during and after my break from writing. As many of you know, I’m struggling a lot with everything going on and it means the world to me that y’all are so sweet and supportive. I hope you enjoy the latest chapter!

Chapter 9 - The Eye in the Storm

Time didn’t just dread injuries because he grew worried. Of course he worried when one of the boys was injured, it was always terrible to see one of his companions in pain. But he also dreaded it because there was one emotion he truly feared for both himself and the others… boredom. 

Staying in one place for an extended period of time got all the Links restless in different ways. The only bright side of this situation was he didn’t have to worry about Wild fist fighting a bear for fun. He did however, have to worry about the others. He had to worry about Four and Legend disappearing and returning covered in flora and fauna they wanted to observe. He had to worry about Hyrule and Warriors getting a hold of fire weapons. He had to worry about Sky and Twilight going cliff diving if they were around an ocean. The same went for Wind if he got his hands on a raft, they might not see him for hours. He also had to worry about himself, the part of him that never disappeared after years of Termina and stasis and countless travels through time, itching to run away and become a child of the forest again, even if just for a day. Time worked hard to push those thoughts down. 

Sky had managed to throw together something that night after their small fight over what they should have. They had managed without Wild’s skills and slate before, they could do it again. However, it was obvious the antsy group missed their cook. Said boy was still curled in Warriors’ bed roll, cold clothes placed upon both his forehead and neck after his last bout of delirium. Delirium that Time truly wished he could forget.

Based on what the terrified boy had murmured, Twilight and Time, two of the eight people he should be able to trust most, practically tortured him. Time going as far to burn him with a torch. And Din above was that a knife to the heart. Time knows, he knows that fever dreams didn’t make sense, but weren’t all dreams from the subconscious? Did Wild think that would happen? Was he scared deep down that his allies would become his enemies? Time wanted to say no, but he was never one to lie to himself. After all Wild had gone through, parts of him would never be unscathed. The same went for every Link, after all they had been through. Time was more worried about what the boy’s Hyrule had done to him. Forced into battle before he was even a teenager, betrayed and murdered by the Guardians he was supposed to trust, constantly on the lookout for traitors sworn to Ganon, it was no wonder the boy was paranoid. And these fears were constantly in his nightmares. The fever dreams must have been Hell.

Twilight wasn’t taking it well either. He seemed to have calmed down a bit after his conversation with Warriors, but Time could tell this was all getting to him. The lengths Twilight would go to help his friends was admirable, if not terrifying sometimes. But no amount of healing, potions, and worrying would fix this, and that was starting to sink in for everyone. No matter how much Twilight did, all he could was try and make it better. Twilight didn’t cope well with not being able to help, none of them did, especially with Wild. 

Speaking of, Wild had been dead silent since he had passed out in Legend’s arms. Besides the small rasps coming from his mouth and the weak stutters of his chest, the boy was completely still. After some debate they decided to put Twilight’s pelt over him again. It had always been comforting to him, and who knows if he would even remember his panic over what Dream Twilight did to him. Hylia, Time hoped not. Time hoped Wild’s silence meant he was having a good enough dream, or maybe not dreaming at all.

The chatter around the campfire was scarce that night, no one having the energy to talk outside the small conversations they had with those near them. Legend seemed perfectly fine with shoving a groggy Hyrule back to bed as soon as he finished dinner. Hyrule certainly didn’t put up much of a fight, clearly tired from healing Wild throughout the day. It wasn’t the worst they had seen him after healing, but there was no reason for him to not sleep it off. As much as Time didn’t want to admit it, they may need Hyrule’s abilities later. Nothing else seemed to be helping. Time didn’t want to make Hyrule feel like they were exploiting him, but Wild needed water and the only time he was able to keep it down was when Hyrule healed him. Time wasn’t willing to believe that was a coincidence, they needed to get Wild to hold down any water they could. But Time truly wanted anything else than to wake up their exhausted sorcerer. It was quite a conundrum.

“I could hear you thinking from across camp.” Sky stated softly, settling beside Time. 

“I don’t want to wake Hyrule, but Wild needs water.” Time said bluntly, not having the desire to beat around the bush. 

“Hmm. Well.” Sky pondered for a moment. “Wild can go the night right? When I was little, I was really stubborn when I was sick. Sun tried to get me to eat, drink, or do anything really and I just wouldn’t.” Sky put his hand on Time’s shoulder. “ I know it’s not the same thing, but let’s give Wild the night, and as long as his condition doesn’t change, we’ll let Hyrule rest for a while. Now that we’re staying here for the time being, we can let Hyrule rest and help Wild a bit until he can keep things down. I know it’s not the best solution, but we all know you’re not trying to force Hyrule into exhausting himself.” Sky radiated comfort, and Time felt bad for subtly soaking it up. It wasn’t fair, he shouldn’t force decisions on the other Links. But Hylia, he was just so tired.

“Sounds like a good plan.” Time’s lips turned up slightly, and Sky knew that was a thank you. A thank you for taking some weight off of Time’s shoulders, even if it was a laughably small amount. But it was the least Sky could do. 

~

Wild was pretty sure he was stone. There was no other reason for his limbs to be so heavy. The only thing he could really feel was pain. He couldn’t be sure where it was the worst, he was floating. He just knew he was cold. So, so cold. Wild didn’t like being cold, not when after he learned there were ways to be truly warm. Another feeling reached him, weight on top of him that he appreciated, and the fluttering of eyelashes he struggled to recognize as his own.

“...think- waking up.” Voices drifted in and out of his mind. 

“-nother… -mare?” These voices sounded weird.

“-ild?” These were outside of his body. 

Opening his eyes took more strength than anything he had ever done, but he needed to see where the voices were coming from. Slowly his eyes pried open.

Everything was blurry, but he could see shadows moving around him. If they were enemies, he couldn’t bring himself to care. It wasn’t like he could move anyway. 

“Wild?” A voice filtered into his head, more clear than before. Colors swirled as he pried open his eyes, and Wild struggled to push down the nausea that rose, determined to find out where the voices were coming from. 

“Wild? Can you hear us?” The fog cleared slightly, the first thing he saw being a colorful tunic. He knew that voice… right?

The swirling subsided a little more, now resting on the edges of his vision. The shadows that previously surrounded him were replaced by figures he recognized. He tried so hard to remember their names, and why he suddenly felt like crying. He didn’t know anything in that moment other than the figures surrounding him being warm, and Wild was still so cold.

“C-c-ld” Wild croaked out pathetically, frustration creeping up to replace confusion. Something cold and wet was surrounding him, soaking his skin. He tried to move his head in a weak attempt to get rid of the cold, but all he got was vertigo.

“Sor-... -an’t. Fever i-” Ringing filled Wild’s ears.

~

“I think he’s waking up.” Four rushed out, bringing the idle chatter around the fire to an abrupt halt. Lo and behold, the boy’s eyes fluttered, eyes flickering beneath. 

“Do you think it’s another nightmare?” Wind called out hesitantly.

“I can’t tell. Wild?” Four called softly, placing his hands on his shoulder. Blurry eyes opened, revealing a sickly haze. But they weren’t frantic, just exhausted.

“I don’t think he is. He isn’t panicked. Wild?” Four asked again as the others gathered closer around him. Legend, Sky and Warriors gathered behind Four, while Time and Twilight stayed back, clearly uncomfortable with potentially sending him into another panic. Wind stayed back with them and held onto Twilight’s hand, squeezing when he noticed how much not being able to help hurt Twilight. The older squeezed back in thanks.

“Wild?” Sky asked. “Can you hear us?” The sick boy’s half lucid eyes flickered in their direction, and they could have thrown a goddess damned party over such a simple action. Legend almost went over and woke Hyrule to celebrate. Wild hadn’t been this coherent since he got smacked into that tree, not without being in a hallucination. His eyes were fogged and consciousness was barely there, but it was still the most awake he had been since this whole thing started. 

“C-c-ld.” Wild croaked out, shaking his head slowly. Four reached out and gently stopped the movement, worried for the headache Wild was probably sporting. 

“I’m so sorry, Wild but we can’t. Your fever is too high, we’ve done everything we can.” Sky tried to reassure, but he doubted Wild understood any of it. He looked to Four to confirm Wild’s fever still hadn’t broken. Four solemnly shook his head. Wild’s eyes continued to look around, seeming to search for something, but the others didn’t know for what. 

“W-lf.” Wild choked out, his weak right hand reached out, only making it an inch before tumbling back down against his chest, clutching weakly at the furs laid on top of him. 

“Wolf? Are you trying to say wolf?” Legend asked, glancing back at Twilight. 

“W-” Wild was cut off by a rough cough. Four was ready to roll him over for choking that never came. Time could see the relief the other Links had that Wild seemed to be better, if not slightly. He wanted to remind them that this was just an eye in the storm, that sometimes with illnesses it got better before it got worse… but he didn’t have the strength to crush their hope. Deep down they all knew this wasn’t the beginning of the downhill, it was just a lull. But they deserved to have a little joy after all they had seen Wild go through. 

“He’s the most coherent he’s been in awhile. We should give him water.” Warriors pulled a water pouch from seemingly nowhere. 

“W-w-lf.” Wild insisted. 

“Get over there! You heard him!” Wind whisper-shouted, shoving Twilight forward with a small snicker. Twilight hesitantly made his way over to Wild, eyes burned into him, watching to see what Wild’s reaction would be. He knew the other Links didn’t mean to freak him out, but they certainly weren’t helping. 

Twilight gently kneeled on one knee next to Wild on the other side of Four, ready to back track if Wild showed any sign of discomfort at Twilight being there. 

“Hey Cub.” Wild’s eyes stopped for a moment, and the entire world halted, everyone waited with bated breath. Slowly eyes flickered over to Twilight, and eyes that had been dull for so long finally lit up, if only just by a little spark. 

“W-ol-T-Twi.” Wild gasped, and the others could have sworn Wild’s lips twitched upwards. 

“Yeah, Cub.” Twilight’s shoulders relaxed, dropping completely to both knees as the other Links smiled. Legend thought about teasing the cheesy sight before him but thought better of it. Hyrule would love to see Wild doing better. Aw shit, Hyrule slept through this. Hyrule was gonna kill him-

“See if you can get him to drink some water. He doesn’t seem as nauseous” Warriors insisted, handing Twilight the water pouch. 

“What if he throws it up?” Sky questioned.

“He can’t keep going like this.” Legend nodded to Twilight to try. 

“Alright, Cub. This might hurt for a moment.” Twilight soothed, before lifting Wild’s back gently into his lap, the cub’s head resting against his lower chest. With only a small gasp of pain, Wild was situated well enough. 

“Small sips.” Twilight directed, carefully pouring some water into Wild’s mouth. The boy coughed a little, but soon strained to get more cool water into his sore throat. “Slow down.” Twilight soothed, placing his hand on Wild’s forehead to stop his squirming. Wild managed to drink half the small pouch before obviously having his fill. 

“Thank Hylia.” Sky breathed.

“Don’t thank her yet.” Legend huffed. “He could still heave it back up.” 

“Maybe stop talking about it around him and he won’t.” Warriors hissed.

“How ya feeling Wild?” Four asked, deciding now would be a good time for a change of subject.

“Ngh.” Came the eloquent response. It was better than Four expected in all honesty. Twilight snorted a little at that.

“That good huh?” Twilight chuckled. He went to put Wild down and let the boy get the sleep he obviously needed. But the cub reached up and grabbed Twilight’s hand where it had come to rest on the boy's chest. Twilight could have easily shaken off the weak hand if he wished, but Hylia hadn’t Wild gone through enough already?

Wild’s eyes flickered up once more, resting on Twilight’s face. The cub’s hand squeezed so light Twilight could barely feel it, and the man quickly covered their hands with his other one. Wild’s hands were cold and pale.

“S-stay.” Wild pleaded.

“Okay, Cub. I’ll stay.”

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Songs that make me think of the Marauders (PART TWO)

(part one)

Everything Happens For A Reason (Madison Beer)

Remus, after the Prank, completely heartbroken and completely confused… when did Sirius stop loving him in that sweet, gentle way he’d always promised to?

When did Sirius start seeing him as the monster he's always sworn Remus isn't?

I used to believe That everything happens for a reason But I just can't find a reason You'd wanna hurt me so bad

Can't get no relief Time moves on with the seasons But I still can't find a reason You'd wanna hurt me so bad

And what in the world did I do to deserve such a pain in my heart? Guess it's true I'm never getting over you

I still love you I still want you I still love you

If You Love Her (Forest Blakk)

This is the song Sirius and Remus play during their first dance. Fight me.

She always has trouble falling asleep And she likes to cuddle while under the sheets She loves pop songs and dancing, and bad trash TV There's still a few other things She loves love notes and babies and likes giving gifts Has a hard time accepting a good compliment She loves her whole family and all of her friends So if you're the one she lets in

Kiss her with passion as much as you can Run your hands through her hair whenever she's sad And when she doesn't notice how pretty she is Tell her over and over, so she never forgets

Take it If she gives you her heart, don't you break it Let your arms be a place she feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have On days when it feels like the whole world might cave in Stand side by side and you'll make it She'll love you if you love her like that

cowboy like me (Taylor Swift)

Sirius and Remus go on the run together after James’ death. Not at first - they meet up in a bar about three months after. But after that three months they’re inseparable again - desperately in love, playing Robin Hood, driving a blue Mustang into the sunset - they’re miserable, sure, but they’re also very good at pretending they’re not.

And you asked me to dance But I said, "dancing is a dangerous game" Oh, I thought, this is gonna be one of those things I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me Never wanted love, just a fancy car Now I'm waiting by the phone

Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear Like it could be love I could be the way forward, only if they pay for it You're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars Hustling for the good life Never thought I'd meet you here It could be love We could be the way forward, and I know I'll pay for it

And the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to mess this up And the old men that I've swindled really did believe I was the one And the ladies lunching have their stories about when you passed through town But that was all before I locked it down Now you hang from my lips like the Gardens of Babylon With your boots beneath my bed Forever is the sweetest con

And I'm never gonna love again I'm never gonna love again

no body, no crime (Taylor Swift)

Sirius Black’s soulmate, James Potter, is dead. And Sirius knows who did it.

He just can’t prove it.

(I rewrote it for y'all. You're welcome.)

Cell Block Tango (from "Chicago")

The Dark Marauders. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Severus, and Regulus - performing uselessly sensual dance routines in Azkaban because why the fuck not? Their Dark Lord is dead, and all they have left of him is their loyalty and a bout of snakes and skulls on their arms.

(Wrote this one too. Again, you're welcome.)

Broken Bones (KALEO)

Remus Lupin is a werewolf, and every full moon, this song runs through his mind as James and Sirius envelop his naked body in their arms and tell him he’s beautiful, and so so good, and they’ll love him forever and ever and ever, they promise. And for a single, measley second every time, Remus believes them.

Hoping things might go my way Some might say I talk loud, see if I care Unlike them, don't walk away from my fear I've busted bones, broken stones, looked the devil in the eye I hope he's going to break these chains

Another hard day, no water, no rest I saw my chance, so I got him at last I took his six shooter, put two in his chest He'll never say a word no more The devil got him good for sure

Ain't got no place to call a home Only chains and broken bones Ain't got no place to call a home So come on lord, won't you take me now? So come on lord, what you waiting for?

Oh, the devil's going to make me a free man The devil's going to set me free The devil's going to make me a free man The devil's going to set me free...

traitor (Olivia Rodrigo)

Sirius is innocent. Remus believes that. Remus knows that. He knows it. Because he doesn’t know how he’ll live if he’s wrong. Well, okay, he knows -

He won’t.

Brown guilty eyes and little white lies Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew That you'd talk to her, maybe did even worse I kept quiet so I could keep you

And ain't it funny how you ran And ain't it funny how you said you were friends? Now it sure as hell don't look like it

Ain't it funny all the twisted games All the questions you used to avoid?

Ain't it funny? Remember I brought her up, and you told me I was paranoid

You betrayed me And I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter

God, I wish that you had thought this through Before I went and fell in love with you When she's sleeping in the bed we made Don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me

Never Not (Lauv)

The Marauders, slowly breaking apart over the years. James and Lily settle in London, and Sirius and Remus run off to travel the world. They split off somewhere in Asia and forget to call. Peter cleans dishes in Hogwarts’ kitchens and Severus spends his time in those dungeons, teaching potions and writing letters he never sends. Regulus holes up in Grimmauld Place, never marrying, never moving. James and Lily divorce when Harry is ten, and go their separate ways. They always move forward, but -

They also always look back.

I lost myself, seventeen Then you came, found me There's a room in my heart with the memories we made Took them down but they're still in their frames There's no way I could ever forget

For as long as I live, and as long as I love I will never not think about you From the moment I loved I knew you were the one And no matter whatever I do I will never not think about you

What we had only comes once in a lifetime For the rest of mine, I'll always compare To the room in my heart with the memories we made Nights on fifth, in between B and A

Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun, looking back?

We were so beautiful We were so tragic No other magic could ever compare...

Scared To Live (The Weeknd)

Sirius and Remus after twelve years apart, having no idea what to do with each other. They were in love once - are in love? - but those days are long gone. Sirius sees how Remus looks at Tonks, but knows Remus can’t ever really love her, much as he likes her, because his heart has forgotten every word but Sirius' name. And Sirius is happier than he thought he’d ever get to be without James, really, though he’s far from happy or even content - is this all there is? Is this how they die? Is this their ending?

No. No. No, after everything, this can’t be it - this cannot be it.

(But if he dies, well... he hopes Remus lives on without him. Happier.

I guess.)

When I saw the signs, I should've let you go But I kept you beside me And if I held you back, at least I held you close Should have known you were lonely

I know things will never be the same Time we lost will never be replaced I'm the reason you forgot to love So don't be scared to live again Be scared to live again No, don't be scared to live again

You always miss the chance to fall for someone else Cause your heart only knows me They try to win your love, but there was nothing left They just made you feel lonely

I am not the man I used to be Did some things I couldn't let you see Refused to be the one who taints your heart

I hope you know that I've been praying that you find yourself We fell apart, right from the start I should have made you my only

So don't be scared to live again I said, "don't be scared to live again"

I Know Where I've Been (from "Hairspray! Live")

Remus and Sirius, sad and happy together, alone in Grimmauld Place and dancing deep into the night as this song plays on the record player and they sway. Their whole lives have been war, but in these moments, there is peace.

Fleeting, hopeless peace, but peace nonetheless.

There's a light in the darkness Though the night is black There's a light burning bright Showing me the way But I know where I've been

There's a cry in the distance It's a voice that comes from deep within There's a cry asking why I pray the answer's up ahead Cause I know where I've been

There's a road we've been travelling Lost so many on the way But the riches will be plenty Worth the price we had to pay

There's a dream in the future There's a struggle we have yet to win And there's pride in my heart Cause I know where I'm going And I know where I've been

Brooklyn Baby (Lana Del Rey)

Sirius Black being himself, and James Potter and Remus Lupin being in love with him.

They say I'm too young to love you I don't know what I need They think I don't understand The freedom land of the seventies

I think I'm too cool to know ya You say I'm like the ice, I freeze I'm churning out novels like Beat poetry on Amphetamines

Well, my boyfriend's in a band He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed I've got feathers in my hair I get down to beat poetry And my jazz collection's rare I can play most anything I'm a Brooklyn baby

They say I'm too young to love you They say I'm too dumb to see They judge me like a picture book By the colors, like they forgot to read I think we're like fire and water I think we're like the wind and sea You're burning up, I'm cooling down You're up, I'm down You're blind, I see

But I'm free I'm free

I'm talking about my generation Talking about that newer nation And if you don't like it, you can beat it Beat it, baby You never liked the way I said it If you don't get it, then forget it Cause I don't have to fucking explain

Yeah, my boyfriend's pretty cool But he's not as cool as me Cause I'm a Brooklyn baby I'm a Brooklyn baby

I Can't Go On Without You (KALEO)

Sirius and Remus are lost to each other, for twelve years and then two more, Sirius locked behind bars and then a Veil and Remus on the run alone and then with a woman he’s somehow fooled himself into thinking he loves.

They’ll be together again. One day. But for now, there’s nothing to do but wait.

Alone.

Well, they thought they were made for each other Only thinking of one another Never thinking just for one second She would take a different attraction

We don't want that We don't want that, oh no I can't go on without you

Oh, so what's the point of breaking my sweet heart? She wanted me to let down my guard Well, you know what they say It's better that way So, you better hush and walk away

Well, was I supposed to wait for you sweetheart? And hide away the shame, yes I keep it all inside Though the thought had crossed my mind! To do all the things I'll regret, we don't want that

I can't, I can't, I can't go on without you I can't go on without you, oh, lord I can't go on without you, babe

Oh, she loves me She loves me not She loves me My love don't love me...

Oh, so what is left but a broken man? Cause nothing hurts like a woman can I can't go on without you...

happier (Olivia Rodrigo)

Sirius as he watches Remus fall in love with Tonks right in front of him, unable to love Sirius the same way after everything. Sirius loves his cousin - he does. He just kind of hates her, too.

There’s been a lot of things in this life he’s been afraid of, but Remus leaving him never even crossed his mind.

That was his mistake, I guess…

Fuck.

You've moved on, found someone new One more girl who brings out the better in you And I thought my heart was attached For all the sunlight of our past But she's so sweet, she's so pretty Does she mean you forgot about me?

And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me? And now I'm picking her apart Like cutting her down make you miss my wretched heart But she's beautiful, she looks kind, she probably gives you butterflies

Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on her

I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.

That's The Kind Of Woman (Julia Michaels)

James left Sirius for Lily, and that was okay. Sirius loved Lily, and he loved James, so it was okay. At least he still had Remus.

Well, he did. Until Tonks came along.

It’s okay. Really. Sirius has gone his whole life feeling unloved.

He can die that way too.

OR

James, Sirius, and Remus fell in love in fourth year, and it was wonderful. And then Sirius started to notice things - small things, little things. Like the gentle way James and Remus are with each other, the way they wake each other up with kisses in the morning and dance the night before the full moon, the way their hands fit together the way everyone expected Sirius’ to fit with them, but better.

The way they love each other more than him.

And that’s okay. That’s fine. He wants them to be happy, and they make each other happy. So he lets them go the last day of seventh year, and disappears into the wind never to be seen again, just like their love for him.

Childhood picket fence, smells like confidence Raised with a little more common sense Isn't always on defense Sits up straight and knows how to take a compliment Jealous but the right amount Isn't scared of missing out, missing out's scared of missing her Doesn't buy things to fill voids Doesn't hate the sound of her own voice

Doesn't cry when someone leaves Isn't contradictory Mind takes a break when she falls asleep Always takes her own advice Crosses T's and cuts her ties Figured out sympathize from empathize Doesn't keep those letters in a drawer Doesn't keep a closet full of things she bought and never wore Gives all her attention to the people that are with her She still loves to dance She still loves her sister

If the me I am Walked out that door Would I miss her?

Maybe, a little bit, sure Oh, I love myself, but I'd love her more Yeah, that's the kind of woman I'd leave me for

Quarter Past Midnight (Bastille)

The Marauders steal a Muggle’s pick-up truck and fly down the highway, literally. The lights are bright and the music is loud, and they’re screaming with laughter, dancing and kissing under the stars. It’s that one perfect moment, the one poets write about seeking their whole lives. This is that moment, this is their moment.

They’ll never be this happy again.

It's a quarter past midnight as we cut through the city The streets are getting restless Good times, bad decisions And the sirens are mending some hearts But we're the losers on our back seats Singing love will tear us apart

It's a quarter past midnight, still avoiding tomorrow It's a quarter past midnight, but we're just getting going We keep on running through a red light Like we're trying to burn the night away This is my favorite part Help me piece it all together, darling Before it falls apart

And the speakers are blowing We want the bodies on the billboards Not the lives underneath them And now we're crawling up the walls again And it's a quarter past twelve And you said we'd leave this place in dust And fall from heaven straight through hell We never know what we have We never knew what we had

We keep on running Why are we always chasing after something Like we're trying to throw our lives away?

And the secrets are flowing Our lips are getting looser I don't know what I'm saying We never knew what we had I never know what I've had

Home (Edith Whiskers)

The Marauders remember each other in a haze - well. The ones that are still alive do, that is.

Regulus, falling.

James, fighting.

Lily, screaming.

Sirius, smiling.

Peter, choking.

Remus, crying.

Severus, bleeding.

They all went, and not one peacefully.

If I close my eyes, I can still see them. Laughing.

I do love my ma and pa Not the way that I do love you Well, holy moly, me oh my, you're the apple of my eye Girl, I've never loved one like you Man, oh, man, you're my best friend, I scream it to the nothingness There ain't nothing that I need Well, hot and heavy pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, Jesus Christ Ain't nothing please me more than you

I'll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark Moats and boats and waterfalls, alleyways and pay phone calls I've been everywhere with you We laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night Nothing new is sweeter than with you And in the streets, we run afree, like it's only you and me Geez, you're something to see

Oh, home, let me come home Home is whenever I'm with you Oh, home, let me come home Home is wherever I'm with you

I Hate That You're Happy (Tiny Little Houses)

Severus is alone, alone again. Lily’s gone. She’s run off to marry James Potter, the prat, and Severus - Severus doesn’t hope for much in this life, but he holds out hope for her. Because everyone knows she loves James now, but she loved Severus once too… and she still keeps his green ribbon tied around her ring finger, almost like they’re still married in mind.

So Severus keeps his vows to her. He promised her forever - it’s okay, honestly. That forever can be spent apart. He’ll love her anyway.

He'll love her always.

I'm sorry if I ever hurt you And I never kissed you enough And I just have trouble unravelling sometimes The feelings that I kept locked up

And I know it's my own misfortune And I didn't hold tight enough But I found it hard to keep myself whole While drowning in my bitter blood

I'll stay awake again and start feeling The spot where you used to reside And I'll lay beneath these cold empty sheets Huddled and clutching my sides

And I know it's my own misfortune And darling, believe me, I do And you've got your problems, and hell I've got mine But I find it hard that we're through

And I hate when you're with him And I hate when you smile And I hate that for once you don't seem like you've cried And I hate that you've kissed him And I hate that I'm sore But most of all I hate that you're happier than before

And I hate when you're with him And at night you're entwined And I hate that I have to pretend that I'm fine And I hate that I miss you but you miss him more But most of all I hate that you're happier than before Most of all I hate that you're happier than before

Call Your Girlfriend (Clara Mae)

James knows Lily isn’t happy with him. It’s been months, she’s had plenty of time to come around, but she just - she doesn’t love him. She never has. He should’ve seen that, but he was too busy hating the greasy-haired git to realize that Lily has always loved him more than anything else.

Gently, he lets her go. He presses the green ribbon he found in her drawer around her hand, and he kisses her goodbye, and he tells her to go after her happiness, whoever that is. And she smiles at him, the tears in her eyes happy, and she runs away, crashing into Severus’ arms. And they look… they look so perfect together. Like they make so much sense.

It’s okay. James can take it.

Regulus is staring at him. James winks at him, and smiles.

Call your girlfriend It's time you had the talk Give your reasons Say it's not her fault Tell her not to get upset Second guessing everything you've said and done

And when she get upset Tell her that you never meant to hurt no one You just tell her that the only way her heart will mend Is when she learns to love again And it won't make sense right now But you're still her friend

Cloud 9 (Beach Bunny)

James, Sirius, and Remus. It’s an unconventional love story, but not one they feel the need to explain.

They can and will dance together forever, butterbeers in their hands and magic in their eyes, hearts colliding in a messy, three-way kiss.

I don't wanna seem the way I do But I'm confident when I'm with you Lately all I feel is bad and bruised Tired of tripping on my shoes

When I start to tumble from the sky You remind me how to fly Lately, I've been feeling unalive But you bring me back to life

But when he loves me, I feel like I'm floating When he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody Even when we fade eventually to nothing You will always be my favorite form of loving

the last great american dynasty (Taylor Swift)

The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, and its last heir, Sirius Potter Lupin.

Fuck those assholes. He’ll be as mad as he likes.

Was the heir to the name, and money And the town said "how did a middle class divorcée do it?" The wedding was charming, if a little gauche There's only so far new money goes They picked out a home and called it Holiday House Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud The doctor had told him to settle down It must have been her fault his heart gave out

And they said, "there goes the last great american dynasty" Who knows, if she never showed up what could've been There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything

Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever Flew in all the Bitch Pack friends from the city Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet And losing on card game bets with Dalí

There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything

They say she was seen on occasion Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea And in a feud with her neighbor She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green Fifty years is a long time Holiday House sat quietly on that beach Free of women with madness Their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me

Who knows, if I never showed up what could've been There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen I had a marvelous time ruining everything

I Don't Believe You (P!nk)

Regulus, alone after Sirius runs away. All alone in a giant house, all alone with his wretched mother and her Death Eater friends, all alone without the only person he’s ever loved.

Sirius never comes back, but Regulus waits at the door for him every day anyway.

(Sirius writes Regulus a million letters. He wonders why he never answers. Not even with a cursive fuck you. Maybe he should go back… maybe - no.

No, best not.

It’s not like Regulus misses him.)

I don't mind it, I don't mind at all It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried We come too close, and every night The passion's there, so it's gotta be right Right?

I don't mind it, I still don't mind at all It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up It looks like you've given up, you've had enough But I want more, no, I won't stop Because I just know you'll come around Right?

Just don't stand there and watch me fall Cause I still don't mind at all

No I don't believe you When you say, "don't come around here no more" I won't remind you You said we wouldn't be apart No I don't believe you When you say you don't need me anymore So don't pretend to not love me at all

Cause I don't believe you.

Little Miss Perfect (Annapantsu cover)

Regulus Black, the perfect child.

He and his brother are nothing alike. Sirius is rebellious, Regulus is obedient. Sirius is brash, Regulus is controlled. Sirius is bravery, Regulus is misery. They have nothing in common.

Well -

Except their hearts, bothing beating for a boy named James Potter with twinkling eyes. A boy only one of them will get to kiss.

Regulus is happy to be the one who’s lost out. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he stares up at the white light, the surface too far above to reach.

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight path, I don't cut corners I make a point to be on time Head of the student council I don't black out at parties I jam to Paul McCartney If you ask me how I'm doing I'll say...

Well, hmm Often I ask myself, "what did I do?" To get as far as I've gotten A pretty girl walks by my locker My heart gives a flutter But I don't dare utter a word Cause that would be absurd behavior For little miss perfect

No, I can't risk falling off my throne Love is something I don't even know Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight girl Little miss perfect That's me You don't even know Rewind, induce amnesia Deny the truth, that's easier You're just confused, believe her When she says there's nothing there It's never worth it When you're little miss perfect

Achilles Come Down (Gang Of Youths)

Sirius, running from his family and his predetermined madness, his wildness carrying him so far he makes a circle.

Remus, hiding from love and freedom, his happiness stitched from his skin in ugly, painful scars.

James, watching his best friends tear each other apart, too blind with love to see the monsters they’ve made of each other.

Children, come down.

Achilles, Achilles, Achilles come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you Achilles, it's not much but there's proof You crazy assed cosmonaut, remember your virtue Redemption lies plainly in truth Just humour us, Achilles Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken Remember the pact of our youth? Where you go, I'm going So jump and I'm jumping Since there is no me without you Soldier on, Achilles Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

Hurt and grieve, but don't suffer alone Engage with the pain as a motive Today of all days, see How the most dangerous thing is to love How you will heal and you'll rise above

Achilles, jump now You are absent of cause or excuse So self-indulgent and self-referential No audience could ever want you You crave the applause, yet hate the attention Then miss it, your act is a ruse It is empty, Achilles, so end it all now It's a pointless resistance for you

Achilles, just put down the bottle Don't listen to what you've consumed It's chaos, confusion, and wholly unworthy Of feeding and it's wholly untrue You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing It's all just conjecture and gloom And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it Do not waste your self on this roof

Feel your breath course frankly below And see life as a worthy opponent Crowned by an overture bold and beyond Ah, it's more courageous to overcome You want the acclaim, it's not worth it, Achilles More poignant than fame or the taste of another

Don't listen, Achilles, but be real and just jump You dense motherfucker (you're worth more, Achilles) You will not be more than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat)

You want my opinion (no one asked your opinion) My opinion you've got You asked for my counsel (no one asked for your thoughts)

I gave you my thoughts Be done with this now, and jump off the roof Can you hear me Achilles? I'm talking to you

Throw yourself into the unknown with pace and a fury defiant Clothe yourself in beauty untold and see life as a means to a triumph

Achilles, come down.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things (Taylor Swift)

Remus gets super drunk after the Prank and gives a fucking performance on top of the coffee table in front of the entirety of Gryffindor. Sirius is bright red. James is on the verge of tears. Severus is gaping. And Remus is seething.

You woke the wolf. Now watch it bite.

And there are no rules when you show up here Bass beat rattling the chandelier Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year So why'd you have to rain on my parade? I'm shaking my head, I'm locking the gates

It was so nice being friends again There I was giving you a second chance But you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand And therein lies the issue, friends don't try to trick you And so I took an axe to a mended fence But I'm not the only friend you've lost lately If only you weren't so shady

Here's a toast to my real friends They don't care about the HE SAID, SHE SAID And here's to my baby He ain't reading what they call me lately And here's to my mama Had to listen to all this drama And here's to you... Cause forgiveness is a nice thing to do

Hahaha, I can't even say it with a straight face!

This is why we can't have nice things, darling Because you break them, I had to take them away This is why we can't have nice things, honey Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me? This is why we can't have nice things

right where you left me (Taylor Swift)

Remus is pretty sure he died on October 31, 1981. He’s not sure why his body’s still moving.

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I'm right where you left me

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "what a sad sight" I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on I stayed there Dust collecting on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it She's still 23 inside her fantasy How it was supposed to be Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it She's still 23 inside her fantasy And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

I'm sure that you got a wife out there Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware Cause I'm right where I cause no harm, mind my business If our love died young, I can't bear witness And it's been so long But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me You left me no choice but to stay here forever...

Every Day a Little Death (from “The Count of Monte Cristo”)

Remus Lupin, waiting.

Waiting, waiting, waiting…

For what, he’s not sure. Maybe death. Maybe madness.

Right now all he’s got is lonely.

Lonely, lonely, lonely; la, la, la…

Come out, come out, wherever you are, Peter. Come out and kill me, you coward.

Another day, another week Another month, another year Another day, another night Until it’s day again The sun has fled, I go to bed And scratch a line on the wall Another day, where nothing changes at all

And everyday shuffles by like the day before! On its way to the blackest of skies And everyday a little death comes and paces the floor! And a little bit more of me dies... Another day, another week Another month, another year Another night I spend alone Until it’s day again Our little star has moved away And all the world is a blur I only see I am not me Without her

Everyday a little death for everyday I die Everyday a little death and still I know not why...

He will come back! Perhaps but still… He will return to me! Another prayer You’ve got to live for today I will live when we’re together again Everyday I will pray until then

And everyday another prayer will bring him close to me And every night out little star we will share The one day when I open my eyes He will be standing right over there, one day

There’s something I must say I wanted to protect you

I wish there was a way I could make it untrue I heard the news today I fear the worst has happened An accident occurred He is dead! Dead and gone Rest in peace may flights of angels sing him to his rest Let me hold and help to heal you!

Everyday a little death...

tolerate it (Taylor Swift)

Remus Lupin. Abandoned, alone, aimless. Unwanted, unseen, unloved. Mad, morbid, monster.

He wonders if in the next life, he’ll be dealt some better cards.

Best not hope. Best not be greedy. He could be dead -

Isn’t sadness better?

I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you I notice everything you do or don't do You're so much older and wiser and I

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listen I polish plates until they gleam and glisten You're so much older and wiser and I While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine But what would you do if I

Break free and leave us in ruins Took this dagger in me and removed it Gain the weight of you then lose it Believe me, I could do it! If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

Téir Abhaile Riu (Celtic Woman)

Sirius being Sirius and Remus and James trying to reign him in. I don’t know. Just vibes, I guess - three soft little gays living out a domestic half-insane life on a little farm in Wales, not a mile from the ashen sea.

Stay here and never you mind The lights of the town are blinding you The sailors they come and they go But listen to what's reminding you Handsome men surrounding you Dancing a reel around you

Listen to the music flow I'm falling for the flow of home I'm home to dance till dawning

Stay awhile and we'll dance together now As the light is falling We'll reel away till the break of day And dance together till morning

No One Knows Us (BANNERS, Carly Paige)

James, Sirius, and Remus are queerplatonic partners. Well, James is theirs - Sirius and Remus are dating. In love. But they and James, they’re not. Not that it matters - every assumes, from their atypical affection, that they are.

James wishes he could be with them, sometimes. The way he wants. Like it’s normal. Without all the prying eyes.

He wonders if he stole a pirate ship and sailed them somewhere else, if it would be any different. Any easier.

Loving the right people shouldn’t be a burden.

Wish I could kiss you when I wanna Without all the fear and all the drama Kill to hold your hand in public I could try to fight the feeling Dull it down like sleeping without dreaming

I wanna push you up against the wall Want them all to hear me call you baby I know it's never gonna happen And I've learned to accept that I accept that

I need you closer Can we go somewhere? No one knows us Leave our world behind We can hole up in a motel room Where no one knows us

See You Again (Carrie Underwood)

The Marauders as they die, one by one. James too early, Sirius too soon, Remus too late. Reunited wherever wizards go when they die, after a long, hard road of what felt like a whole lot of goddamn nothing.

But here they are, at last: alone no longer.

Said goodbye, turned around And you were gone, gone, gone Faded into the setting sun, slipped away But I won't cry cause I know I'll never be lonely For you are the stars to me You are the light I follow

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night Calling me back in time, back to you In a place far away where the water meets the sky The thought of it makes me smile You are my tomorrow

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know...

I will see you again This is not where it ends I will carry you with me Til I see you again I will see you again...

Bloom (The Paper Kites)

James and Sirius and Remus, loving each other. And not knowing what queerplatonic partners are until Severus and Lily shove a Muggle book into their hands with sweet, manic grins.

“Oh,” James says, with wonder. Sirius kisses him. Remus takes his hand. James looks at them, his eyes wide and twinkling. “Oh, that’s us.”

In the morning when I wake And the sun is coming through Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness, And you fill my head with you

Shall I write it in a letter? Shall I try to get it down? Oh, you fill my head with pieces Of a song I can't get out

Can I take it to a morning Where the fields are painted gold And the trees are filled with memories Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down, And the day is almost through, Oh, the whole world it is sleeping, But my world is you

Can I be close to you?

Me and My Husband (Mitski)

Sirius and James. Fight me.

(Oh, and Remus - hopelessly in love with them and chasing after their shenanigans as the world stretches out before them, endless.)

I steal a few breaths from the world for a minute And then I'll be nothing forever And all of my memories And all of the things I have seen will be gone With my eyes, with my body, with me

But me and my husband, we're doing better It's always been just him and me together So I bet all I have on that furrowed brow

And I'm the idiot with the painted face In the corner, taking up space But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved And at least in this lifetime, we're sticking together Me and my husband, we're sticking together

You & Jennifer (bülow)

Regulus, angry and bitter, left alone in his big black bed wondering what’s so fucking amazing about Lily Evans that could make James want her more than him.

OR

Remus, so fucking in love with his two best friends… his two best friends, who are so fucking in love with each other, who look at each other like they’re the world, who fuck Remus when the world is ending. His two best friends… assholes.

Listen, no, we don't need to be enemies Ain't got a vision of us in the future with a white picket fence and eternal decisions Now I'm sitting here wondering, when did this all start?

Would rather be the girl that got away than be under your thumb Don't need to spend no more time on you, not like I was in love Not that I'm having a nervous breakdown, I'm just let down You don't know what that's like though to wait up all night So I thank you for teaching me how I could live without you Never needed me, I don't need you

Fuck you and Jennifer, I know that you're out with her Go pretend that you're just friends I'll pretend that I'm not hurt I know all the shit I heard, you can take these bitter words Fuck you and Jennifer Go fucking make love to her

Soon You’ll Get Better (Taylor Swift, The Chicks)

James, surrounded by people he can’t fix.

James, holding a screaming Sirius against his chest as he sobs and shakes from the fifth nightmare that week.

James, brushing salve across the scars of a terrified and bruised Remus after yet another full moon.

James, trying to lure a quiet and cold Peter back to them with candy as he recedes even further away into Slytherin robes.

James, fucking Lily; James, kissing Severus; James, touching Regulus -

James, doomed to love people he can’t help.

The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair I didn't tell you I was scared That was the first time we were there Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you Desperate people find faith, so now I pray too And I say to you

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror You like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal I just pretend it isn't real I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try And I'll say to you

And I hate to make this all about me But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you? This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because cause I have to

Soon you'll get better Soon you'll get better You'll get better soon Cause you have to.

Dance Alone (Blanks)

James Potter being his usual idiotic adorable self. (It’s just the vibes, man.)

Been staring at the wall today, to find some hidden meaning My momma called to ask me how I'm feeling I've been running out of things to think So what's the point of dreaming? Called all my friends cause I cant get along with all my demons And I've been watching from a distance how the seasons change

Been staring at the wall today, still looking for some meaning I tried talking to myself for a change to ask me how I'm feeling I've been running out of room to think I need a higher ceiling

I've been lost, lost in the rhythm lately I don't know, know how to dance alone

Strawberry Blond (Mitski)

James falls in love with Sirius first - make no mistake, it was absolutely Sirius first. Because Sirius was just so bright, and so lovely, and so daring, and he made James laugh as they ran and drove and flew for miles without a direction. Anything for a touch.

And then there came Remus - beautiful, sweet, kind Remus, his eyes so gentle and his smiles so pure, and James wanted to hold him forever, wanted to take his hand and dive right into the sun, wanted to burst into flames. Anything for a taste.

And then Sirius and Remus fell in love with each other, and now James watches them from the outside, grinning behind tears and thinking, Oh god. I’m happy.

I love everybody because I love you When you stood up, walked away, barefoot And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape I looked over it and I ached

I love everybody because I love you I don't need the city, and I don't need proof All I need, darling, is a life in your shape I picture it soft and I ache

Reach out the car window, trying to hold the wind You tell me you love her, I give you a grin Oh, all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines, keep my eyes on the road as I ache

Look at you, strawberry blond Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name Can you hear the bumblebees swarm? Watching your arm, I love it when you look my way

FML (Arizona Zervas)

James has a habit of falling for people so fierce he can never refuse them. Regulus is just the last one - the one he keeps, even if he dies still trying to figure out how.

(This is the James and Regulus theme song, I’m calling it.)

I might let you drive me crazy Usually I ain't the type to stay Cause you could fall in, and go psycho Ain't no telling where this might go But I take my chances either way

You look like somebody that could really hold it down You look like somebody that would always stick around I know you probably crazy All my friends said stay away but that shit just don't faze me Got a little bit of sass, I like that You don't take no shit, yeah you fight back Never let a dude hit it on the first night I can't even sleep over til I wife that All these bitches in my phone, hit the boy But I've been curving everyone for you Girl I would give you every single password All you gotta do is let me through

Imma keep it honest, I know that you got a plan I know you ain't perfect, but basic bitches never last I don't usually do this type of shit So baby trust me when I tell you that I'm all about it Yeah, I might fall in love and let you fuck my life up Just so I could go and write a song about it

Last man left you brokenhearted, let me treat you right If you need me I could pull up any night You just say the words, girl, I don't need a reason Give me something more than just a lover on the weekend

Come and fuck my life up.

Lay Me Down (Sam Smith)

If James married Regulus instead, but the war still tore them apart and to shreds.

They still fall, they still die, they still lose… but James is captivated by grey eyes rather than green ones, at least in this lifetime. At least for now.

Yes, I do, I believe that one day I will be where I was Right there, right next to you And it's hard, the days just seem so dark The moon, and the stars are nothing without you Your touch, your skin, where do I begin? No words can explain the way I'm missing you Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside These tears, they tell their own story Told me not to cry when you were gone But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong

Can I lay by your side, next to you? You And make sure you're alright I'll take care of you I don't want to be here if I can't be with you

Forever (... is a long time) (Halsey)

Remus didn’t know anyone could love him, the way he is. You can’t blame him for letting James and Sirius slip through his fingers when he didn’t know they would’ve stayed forever.

He wonders if happiness still sounds like his name on their lips.

I spent a long time watering a plant made out of plastic And I cursed the ground for growing green

I spent a long time substituting honest with sarcastic And I cursed my tongue for being mean

Weightless, breathless, destitute Motionless and absolute He cut me open, sucked the poison from an aging wound Now fifty thousand walking deads would cower at this small brunette It's a nice surprise knowing six feet high Would reach and grab the moon if I should ask

Or just imply that I want you to be more light So I could look inside his eyes And get the colors just right

But love built provinces, callouses, break promises Cause I could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it What am I thinking? What does this mean? How could somebody ever love me?

"Tell him he's got bad news coming..."

Used To This (Camila Cabello)

James and Sirius, crazy kids in mad love in a big Muggle city, dancing and kissing under the lights every night… and then meeting Remus, and wondering if all these years they’ve been mistaking magic for something else, because this, love, this is what magic is.

No, I never liked San Francisco Never thought it was nothing special Til you kissed me there No, I never liked windy cities But I think maybe when you're with me I like everywhere

It's the strangest feeling Midnight, I'm not leaving No, for once, I think I'll stay I say your name, just listen Doesn't it sound different? Never whispered it this way

It's gonna take me a minute But I could get used to this The feeling of your fingertips The feeling of another kiss Like every tattoo on your skin I'm memorizing every inch

The callouses on your fingers I admired them from a distance Now they're on my cheek

Oh, I've known you forever Now I know you better Let's just get carried away And it bears repeating Now my heart's bleeding When you tell me that you'll stay

It's gonna take me a minute But I could get used to this I could get used to this...

Love Me Like You (Little Mix)

You cannot tell me James and Sirius did not stand on top of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall and serenade Remus with this while he covered his bright red face with his hands and damn near cried with embarrassment and laughter, because they did. I promise you, they did.

I solemnly swear.

Darling, he can't buy my love It's you I'm dreaming of

so baby, baby Come and save me

Last night I lay in bed so blue Cause I realized the truth They can't love me like you I've tried to find somebody new Baby, they ain't got a clue Can't love me like you

Come Home With Me (from “Hadestown”)

Sirius and James tripping over themselves trying to say hi the first time they meet Remus, his nose buried in a book in a small cafe, at a table by the window in a dress covered in sunflowers, his cheeks pink and his smile blinding.

OR

James, tripping over himself to win Severus over, who just isn’t having it. (Fuck off, Potter.) (Please?) (No.)

You wanna talk to her?

Yes!

Go on. Don't come on too strong.

Come home with me.

Who are you?

The man who's gonna marry you

Is he always like this?

Yes

Your name is like a melody

A singer, is that what you are?

I also play the lyre...

Oh, a liar, AND a player too! I've met too many men like you.

Oh, no. I'm not like that.

He's not like any man you've met.

That's what I'm working on - A song to fix what's wrong. Take what's broken, make it whole; A song so beautiful, it brings the world back into tune, back into time. And all the flowers will bloom... When you become my wife.

Oh, he's crazy. Why would I become his wife?

Maybe because he'll make you feel alive.

Alive? That's worth a lot... What else ya got?

You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)

Sirius and James, unable to figure out why they're so bothered by the amount of people who have suddenly started flirting with Remus after the summer of fifth year.

He's just... he's theirs. Their werewolf. Their scrawny motherfucker. Their Moony.

Just.

Theirs.

Oh.

She doesn't get your humor like I do She'll never know your story like I do

Walk in the streets with you in your worn-out jeans I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be And you've got a smile that can light up this whole town I haven't seen it in a while You say you're fine, I know you better than that

Standing by and waiting at your backdoor Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry And I know your favorite songs, and you tell me about your dreams Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me...

Have you ever thought, just maybe, you belong with me? You belong with me.

Scrawny (Wallows)

I just really love Remus Lupin, okay?

Used to be level with all my friends Still wear the same shoes I did back then I don't think they've ever been untied I can't regret the things I don't try I'd switch it up but I don't like change Only content if things stay the same Don't care to watch the story unfold Hate feeling like I'm not in control I've been sleeping with the light on I tend to freak myself out Will you come a little closer?

I say the wrong shit at the right times If I'm offending them, I don't mind Maybe they all should listen to me It isn't all about what you see Question though, how do I look to you? Am I so thin that you can see through? I've been sleeping with the light off I wanted to remember Will you come a little closer now?

I'll be one of those people you remember They'll be looking at us when were together I'll be a mannequin you can dismember You don't like my clothes but you still like my smile Take me home to mom but it'll take awhile They might think they're cooler than me by a mile I can still have wisdom and look like a child

I'm a scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle

Hate You (Seann Bowe)

Severus and Lily after the Incident. Still loving each other, but not knowing why or how. Having a million things to say, but never the words.

I'm sorry. What a tragic fucking joke.

Look at me now, such a pitiful place You found someone I thought that'd help erase These crazy thoughts that we were never broken You can't see red flags through rose colored glasses!

I killed you in my head now If I see you out with friends I'll just tell myself that it's a phantom or illusion Guess I haven't chosen which

I hate that I miss you, I hate that I'm lost I hate those dead flowers you taped to your wall I hate that you're okay and I can't move on I hate that somehow this is all my fault! I hate that I'm wide awake watching the door I hate these long showers sitting on the floor I hate in the end it was me who was wrong I hate that I don't really hate you at all

But I kind of wish I did...

I don't really hate you at all.

Bitter And The Sweetness (The Ready Set)

James and Sirius and Remus, dancing in the rain. Sirius is screaming up at the sky, and James is pulling Remus against him, quelling his shivering in an instant.

“I love you,” he whispers, and Remus beams, throwing his arms around his neck and kissing him as Sirius screams, “ELECTRIFY ME MOTHERFUCKER!” at the clouds.

That’s love, bitch.

Troublemaker look on your face Followed by a smile and I melt away It ain't always been this lovely We turn the ice and start a fire, melt away

It don't happen overnight It's laughing after fights Knowing which song I should sing to make you smile again Your favorite flowers How I know before you say, "It's gonna be okay"

Love, I think we got time to make mistakes Bitter and the sweetness, I just love the taste

You give me trouble in the best way When you let your hair down I can't look away You've just always been that lovely We turn the dark into light You'll be staying close

Like the time we got stuck out in the rain When you took my hand said, "Baby, we should stay."

Serenade (BANNERS)

James Potter's ghost, watching over Sirius Black forevermore. You don't just leave your soulmate behind. Never.

Stolen, some people stay a life, some for a moment Some hearts they set a light just to be frozen And so we're out of time, broken But now you've got the chance to travel oceans I hope the world's as wide as you were hoping Don't let heartache cloud your mind

If the days go darker, darling And you lose your way Go on, go on, I'm not beside you But I'll be the song there in the silence Let go, let go, darling, it's over now You're on your own, but I'm on your shoulder I'll always be your serenade, serenade, I I'll always be your serenade

They told you It's not the being drunk, it's being sober That's when it really hits you that it's over It's hard to say goodbye So you can keep me Somewhere out of reach but if you need me Just hum these memories and you can feel me I'm always standing by Go and write your story, darling You will find your place

You can always remember that I'm here to ease your mind I'm on your side and You can call me and just like that I'll sing a song to bring you home, babe

It's Quiet Uptown (from "Hamilton")

Remus, alone. His husband gone, his friends dead, his family murdered. Nothing left for him, until...

"Padfoot."

A sheepish smile.

"Hi, Moony."

Remus takes a deep breath. Sirius reaches for his hand.

They'll figure it out.

There are moments that the words don't reach There is suffering too terrible to name You hold your child as tight as you can And push away the unimaginable The moments when you're in so deep It feels easier to just swim down And so they move uptown And learn to live with the unimaginable

I spend hours in the garden, I walk alone to the store And it's quiet uptown, I never liked the quiet before And I pray, that never used to happen before

If you see him in the street Walking by himself, talking to himself, have pity You would like it uptown, it's quiet uptown He is working through the unimaginable His hair has gone grey He passes every day They say he walks the length of the city You knock me out, I fall apart Can you imagine?

Look at where we are Look at where we started I know I don't deserve you But hear me out That would be enough If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He'd be standing here right now And you would smile and that would be enough

I don't pretend to know The challenges we're facing I know there's no replacing what we've lost And you need time But I'm not afraid I know who I married Just let me stay here by your side That would be enough

There are moments that the words don't reach There's a grace too powerful to name We push away what we can never understand We push away the unimaginable They are standing in the garden Standing there side by side She takes his hand It's quiet uptown

Forgiveness, can you imagine? Forgiveness, can you imagine? If you see him in the street Walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity They are going through the unimaginable

Dynasty (MIIA)

The Marauders are dead and gone, did you know?

But they were great once. Unstoppable. Invincible, young, in love.

Can you tell? Can you...

Remember?

Some days, it's hard to see if I was a fool or you a thief Made it through the maze to find my one in a million And now you're just a page torn from the story I'm living The scar I can't reverse And the more it heals, the worse it hurts Gave you every piece of me, no wonder it's missing Don't know how to be so close to someone so distant

And all I gave you is gone Tumbled like it was stone It all fell down, it all fell down

Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up.

Dancing After Death (Matt Maeson)

Oh. It's you. You're here.

I never thought I'd see you again.

Do I know better than this? You're a word that I can't forget Though the thought rattles my brain Will you fold or will you remain?

If I don't get better than this man in my skin If I let go, would you hold on? Would we fly? Is it safer if we just say that we tried? Are we laughing at the danger?

As the sun waits to eclipse And the taste teases my lips I'm too tired to wrestle with it Will we burn, or will we repent?

Are we dancing after death, you and I?

[extraordinarilyextreme]

Crown Prince Li Kaiqing, Chen Ji, and Fushui

MAJOR spoilers for 《骊歌行》 Court Lady (2021)!!! This is just me blabbing about my feelings.

so we all knew that Crown Prince (CP) and Chen Ji (CJ) were gonna be BE cuz they have historical prototypes. after Chengxin was executed, Li Chengqian grieved for a long time, refusing to attend court and also building a shrine for him in the palaces.

well, even with that knowledge, i still cried like a little baby at the end of the drama. there’s not a single un-sad 感情线 in this entire show, but i really do think that the mess of these three is tragic.

before we dive into the mess that i’ve become, a huge round of applause to Li Zefeng for his amazing portrayal of the Crown Prince—the good-intentioned, sort of foolish boy that we first meet and then later the wide-eyed, paranoid, remorseless man. and of course similar props to Wang Yizhe’s two roles of sweet Chen Ji and scheming Fushui (and Sun Langlang for voicing them! Wang Zhi’s VA!).

so as i’ve already said, CP is really a whole different person after CJ dies. and the contrast between CJ and Fushui (FS) is very plainly evident: CJ dressed in pale white-blue, FS mostly in grey-black; CJ kept his hair loose, FS wears a bun (or hat, when he rises thru the ranks); CJ is a lowly palace entertainer, FS is well-trained in combat and medicine (and ends up as Senior Imperial Physician, somehow); CJ was terrible at weiqi, FS is good at weiqi but pretends to be bad at it. CJ was targeted and subjected to rumors, but no one dared question CP’s relationship with FS—because CP was in so much grief after CJ died, how could anyone bear to do that to CP again? even though FS was absolutely the one that everyone should have removed from CP’s side immediately…

when CP and CJ first meet in episode 7, CP is kind of a typical princely character: he’s kinda entitled, the world is his, his future is bright… and i firmly believe he 一见钟情 because while CJ still treated him with courtesy and respect, it’s obvious that CJ didn’t expect or want anything from him. and this continues in episode 9, when CP is trying to clear his thoughts by the riverside and runs into CJ who is fishing: CP brattishly orders CJ to stay and keep him company, and CJ is honestly more confused than anything as to why the freaking Crown Prince of the country wants to spend the whole goddamn day here. of course, it’s because CJ represents a freedom for CP: here, the Emperor won’t compare him to Prince Zhou or Prince Han; here, the Empress won’t admonish him over and over again; here, there’s no scheming advisors who try to curry favor with him. here, as CP tells CJ to use, it’s just “you and I” without care for rank or formalities.

(but also the death flag in episode 9 was atrociously obvious LOL with CP promising “I will make you a grave” to CJ’s absolute terror. on-the-nose. still made me sad later on, so that’s that i guess. in any case, the episode ends with a 定情信物 whereupon CP gives a jade from his belt to CJ.)

CP watches CJ perform (as he is an entertainer from Prince Han’s mansion) for the first time in episode 10, and we see it again in episode 12, episode 16, and episode 17. based off 《三国演义》Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the lyrics are as follows:

大丈夫只患功名不立 A great man should only worry about not gaining fame and honor/

何患无妻 Why worry over not having a wife/

舍生忘死报恩住 Leaving behind life and death to repay my Lord/

忠肝义胆待友朋 Treat my friends with righteous loyalty/

我要做有血性的英雄 I want to be a hot-blooded hero/

为义而生 To live for righteousness (loyalty)/

为义而死 To die for righteousness (loyalty)

CJ plays the main role of Zhao Zilong (Zhao Yun), and he helpfully compares the story to a game of weiqi in episode 16.

“A gambit [sacrificing insignificant pieces to protect the significant ones] is what Zhao Zilong did in the Battle of Changban. In order for Zhao Zilong to save A Dou, he couldn’t save Madam Gan. So, Madam Gan committed suicide. Isn’t Madam Gan a gambit?”

to which CP responds: “Thank goodness you are Zhao Zilong, and not Madam Gan.”

CJ: “The Crown Prince regards me as his soulmate [知己]. Even if in the future, the Crown Prince were to sacrifice me as a gambit, I would be willing.”

CP: “What are you saying? You and I are friends. No matter what happens in the future, I will never treat you as a sacrificial gambit.”

(so, like, death flags everywhere! 知己-mention! and, c’mon, i think for CP’s consort to be jealous/insecure is a little bit justified considering the amount of times CP has CJ perform this piece with a line like “Why worry over not having a wife”.)

backing up for just a moment before everything goes to shit, other notable events are CP finding out his wife is pregnant in episode 13 (but he spends the day fishing and then cooking the fish with CJ at the riverside, and they walk off with arms draped around each other’s shoulders), CJ hurting his leg after climbing a cliffside to pick red flowers after CP mentioned his wife loves the color red most in episode 14, and finally CP leading a blindfolded CJ to a new house just for him to tick off another romance-y trope in episode 15.

CP: “Didn’t you say you didn’t have a home? So I bought you this little estate. When you fall in love someday, have children, and have a great career, this will be your home.”

(the point is they’re both still kind of in a honeymoon phase right now, tho it ends quickly in episode 16 when our FL Fu Rou warns CJ against being so close to CP—but CP is a little bit too idealistic right now, a little bit too stuck in his blissful fantasy, a little bit foolish. foolish, and incompetent, and unable to protect the people he loves bc he unwittingly endangered them to begin with.)

of course, things come to a head in episode 17 when CP’s wife tells her sister about CJ, leading to the Emperor eventually finding out. but while that’s happening, CP goes to see CJ at the estate he bought for him.

CP: In the future, I won’t come here anymore. Therefore, let’s put aside differences for today and be friends like we used to. We will never have those kinds of days again.

CJ confesses he’s going to leave Chang’an: I want to learn swordsmanship well, and become a wandering hero, feeling at home wherever I am. When the Crown Prince becomes Emperor in the future, I can help you take care of bad guys along my journey out there. This will be my way of helping the Crown Prince to keep the empire stable.

CP gives his dagger to CJ: This is not a reward, but a gift for my friend who is about to leave. In the future, whenever you look at it, it will be like looking at me.

CJ: A gift from my soulmate. Chen Ji will definitely take good care of it.

(for ppl who’ve watched Qing Ya Ji, the parallel to Zhongxing and Fangyue here killed me. but there’s also a parallel within the show itself near the end when Fu Rou gives the Emperor a collection of scrolls and explains that the late Empress hoped that he would treat her writings like he were seeing her—one of Court Lady’s many confirmations that CP and CJ should be read as a romantically by paralleling it to visible, het relationships. ALSO, CP has CJ perform Zhao Zilong again right after this conversation, like a last nail in the coffin.)

so the Emperor finds out in episode 18 and angrily orders CP to kill CJ himself, lest he be stripped of rank. Fu Rou warns CJ, but he refuses to escape.

If I run away, the Crown Prince will not be able to fulfill the Emperor’s order—what would happen to the Crown Prince? […] Life and death are not the most important things; the most important thing is to stay true to yourself.

and so CJ unsheathes the dagger CP gave him.

The Crown Prince regards Chen Ji as his soulmate, Chen Ji also regards the Crown Prince as his soulmate. ‘A man of service dies for the one who knows him.’ (An upright man can die for his soulmate.)

CJ quotes “士为知己者死” from Sima Qian’s 《史記·刺客列傳》Records of the Grand Historian, tho if you’ve watched Winter Begonia, it should probably also look familiar.

CP pushes aside the soldiers who’ve accompanied him on the journey to CJ’s home, but it’s too late: CJ took his own life, using the weapon CP gave him, in order to protect CP.

the chorus of Lu Hu’s 《万里》 Ten Thousand Li plays as CP staggers toward CJ’s lifeless body.

呼吸，想着你, When I breathe, I think of you

在梦里，在心里, In my dreams, in my heart

怪完相遇，怪自己, After I’ve finished blaming that we encountered each other, I blame myself

别离，痛彻心扉！Farewell, my heart is broken

(this is a song from the OST we hear multiple times with the other couples in the drama—and we also see many couples by the same river that CP and CJ would fish together by. i think, like, all the couples associated with this song except our main one have a BE…)

in CP’s immense grief, he has the weiqi pieces from his last game with CJ glued to the board, never to be moved again, and he has the flowerbed outside flattened. we get our callback to episode 9: “Chen Ji has no family. I promised him that if he died, I would make him a grave.”

CP doesn’t meet FS until episode 37, but what the Emperor says in episode 19 about Chen Ji is what really makes the whole thing a tragedy.

You must be cautious when choosing friends. He would only have misguided you.

and that’s the thing, the Emperor isn’t wrong!!! it ultimately truly is the Crown Prince’s love for Chen Ji that destroys him. his love for Chen Ji ruins him, ruins the imperial family and threatens the dynasty as a whole. because when Fushui shows up, a man who shares Chen Ji’s face, the Crown Prince trusts him unconditionally—it’s the Crown Prince’s desperation to see any small part of Chen Ji again that leaves him vulnerable to FS’s manipulation: CP forgets who he truly is. because how could a man who looks like Chen Ji ever betray him?

CP is thrown from his horse in episode 37, striking his head upon a rock.

he wonders: Chen Ji, have I also died? Did you come here just to pick me up?

(but of course it’s FS, who was actually going to kill him but the soldiers arrived too quickly.) they meet officially in episode 38.

CP: I thought I was going to die. Dimly, I felt someone approach me—he wanted to save me. I originally thought it was Chen Ji who couldn’t bear for me to die, so his spirit appeared. I didn’t expect that it was you.

FS remarks that CP has brought up “Chen Ji” several times already; immediately, he understands that this is a weakness to exploit.

CP basically throws a temper tantrum in episode 39 when he discovers he will have a permanent limp from now on. (idk if it was an intentional parallel, but CJ also had a limp after falling from the cliffside in episode 14.) FS is the only person that CP allows to approach him, and FS gets him to eat grilled fish (which is apparently CP’s favorite food—how much of the people we love do we carry with us?)

FS acts innocent: I really am bad at lying; as soon as I lie, you see right through me.

it’s everything CP wants to hear.

CP tells him: When I fell off my horse, and was on my last breath, you came to my side and encouraged me to continue living. I’m now crippled and in despair, but you talked sense into me to eat grilled fish. Everything that has happened—if it were Chen Ji, he would also have talked sense into me, encouraged me. Sometimes, I feel that you are Chen Ji, just with a different face.

(obviously it’s the same face for us tho cuz he’s played by the same guy. but anyway, when FS comes clean about everything in episode 51, he mimics the words CP says here.

I am not Chen Ji. I, Yang Fushui, came to your side to find an opportunity to take revenge.)

back to episode 39, FS says he doesn’t want to be “another Chen Ji” because he doesn’t want to die so young—he’s afraid of death.

CP: I guarantee you that I won’t let anyone harm you. What happened to Chen Ji will never happen to you.

(and it’s true! FS gets away with so much goddamn shit because CP’s wife doesn’t dare criticize FS, and even the Emperor doesn’t after knowing what it’s like to see his son in such heavy grief. CP’s wife thinks this is her chance at making amends; she felt real remorse after CJ died, and honestly that line from It’s Quiet Uptown sums it up best: “If I could trade his life for mine/He'd be standing here right now/And you would smile and that would be enough.” a shame, of course, that CP was FS’s freaking main target. nobody wants to repeat the tragedy of Chen Ji, so no one questions Fushui.)

but, like, FS isn’t truly even that subtle—it’s just that CP is so blinded by his love for CJ. from episode 46:

CP: I have taught you for so long, but you’re still terrible at playing.

FS: I am doing it on purpose. Only if I play poorly, will the Crown Prince be willing to continue teaching me.”

CP: Even you put on an act before me? […] You are the person I trust the most. Don’t lie to me.

(太子，你醒醒吧!)

so FS successfully sows discord between CP and his brother Prince Han; the Empress passes away (always sickly, but her illness was very much exacerbated upon seeing her beloved sons turn on each other); CP’s wife kills her own sister in what she believes is a beneficial political move for CP; Prince Han’s wife is wrongfully executed; Sheng Chujun is killed and silenced too after he discovers FS’s plans. CP stages a coup against Prince Han. (the man who looks like Chen Ji must only want the best for him, right?) FS gets away with everything and goes to visit CP in prison in episode 51.

AND HERE! HERE! FS is supposed to kill CP; that’s been his goal from the very beginning. CP hasn’t eaten for days in the prison, but FS shows up with a grilled fish and CP eats without a second thought that it could be poisoned.

but. FS has been at CP’s side for so long now. he’s orchestrated CP to lose everything. there is nothing left that CP could give to him but the mere fact that he’s still breathing.

in episode 49, FS poisons Lian Yan’er and Yan Zifang is obviously upset on behalf of blissfully ignorant, head-over-heels Ma Haihu.

FS: I will kill whoever gets in my way.

YZF: What about someone you love? If it was someone you loved, you would be just as ruthless, right?

FS: It is human nature to be greedy and selfish. Where does love come into play? This question—you’ve asked the wrong person.

(but FS’s expression changes. someone he loves? he’s startled, he looks afraid.)

FS ruined CP’s life; and at the same time, gave CP reason to live again. CP started playing weiqi again, his relationship with his wife improved; he started smiling again. there was a passionate fire to him that he never had before (this was his second chance to do everything right, to protect the people he loves!)... the kindling, unfortunately, was his trust in Prince Han and his parents. from episode 39, FS comes in and sits down next to CP after CP trashes his room during his tantrum.

CP: Do you know why I treat you differently from other people?

FS: Because I remind Your Highness of your friend who already passed away—Chen Ji?

CP never stopped loving CJ; he loved Fushui, because he never stopped treating him as Chen Ji. after the failed coup against Prince Han, CP smiles in prison in episode 51 when FS visits him.

CP: It was fate who made us each other's soulmate [知己]. [...] If you can continue living well, I wish that you live your life to the fullest, with both smiles and tears.

how can Fushui bear to take the Crown Prince’s life when he’s received nothing but unwavering trust from him? when he explains who he truly is, when he calls CP foolish for trusting the wrong person, FS is on the brink of tears. his mouth trembles, his breaths shake. when the poison begins to take effect, and CP agonizingly reaches for him, FS takes his hand—just as CP gripped CJ’s lifeless hand so long ago, just as CP reached out to the person he thought was CJ when he fell from his horse. FS takes his hand, sobs, and gives him the antidote.

(Consort Yan’s eunuch is, of course, outraged.

Yu He: If you can’t bear to kill him, then I will!

Fushui: I forbid you. [...] He has nothing left to lose. I forbid you from killing him.)

so, we have the Crown Prince, ruined by his love for Chen Ji—and Fushui, who both took and freely gave the Crown Prince’s life back to him. it’s a love story; it has always been a love story.

and finally, FS gets Ma Haihu killed in episode 53. he picks up the comb MHH carved for Lian Yan’er (a 定情信物!), and when he speaks, ends up telling the story of CP and CJ as well.

There was a woman who sacrificed her life for your bright future. You only needed to enjoy it, yet you took the road of self-destruction.

and then he remembers what CP said to him in the prison in episode 51.

CP: If, in this world, fate truly exists, then so do the hearts of men.

FS remarks now: If you have a heart, you will be easily hurt, or even lose your life.

heartless Fushui, who kills without batting an eye, who nearly upturned the entire Tang dynasty, who doesn’t know of love. in the end, he couldn’t bear to end the Crown Prince’s life.

so, yeah. these three broke my heart. i really wonder what Chen Ji would say to the Crown Prince when they see each other again at last in the afterlife. what the Crown Prince would say to Chen Ji. how violent love can be. what it means to live in someone’s memory. or maybe they would return to the river and spend a long day fishing together again.