#or.... let me be wrong and allowed to love some things that may not benefit You but don't harm my soul. if that exists

[harstyle]

… I think I love you

Summary: you definitely like Harry, and he may like you, but your insecurities might be preventing you from ever finding out— featuring a friends-with-benefits situation, a heavy dose of self degradation and miscommunication between both characters.

Pairing: normie!reader x famous!harry

Warnings: there’s a lot of crying

Word-count: around 3.2k

a/n: this idea came to me when I saw this couple at a party yesterday and she was sitting in his lap and he was peppering kisses along her neck and I just love love, so here we go (obviously it wouldn’t be fun without at least a little angst tho). I did write this in like an hour and I didn‘t edit, so go easy on me :).

Harry was being weird.

He was touching her all over, pulling her to sit in his lap and peppering kisses along the expanse of her neck, all while keeping his arms circled around her waist. He was resting his chin on her shoulder, staying mostly quiet even though he usually always had something to say. He was stroking her skin, touching wherever he could get through to her winter clothing. He was ignoring all of the strange looks he was receiving from his friends, lips molding into a slight smirk against her skin as they spoke politics and gossip at the table.

Y/N had a horrible feeling in her stomach. It was unusual for Harry to show so much affection around their friends— the two of them had just agreed that their friends didn’t need to see so much of their arrangement. It wasn’t like they were dating, or better yet, in love, so keeping it to themselves seemed like the sensible thing to do. Don’t get her wrong; their friends knew about it, but Y/N and Harry mostly kept the physical aspects in the bedroom for no one to see. He surely had never been so blatant about it.

Her heart was pounding. To be fair, her heart always did that when Harry was around. Y/N had had a crush on Harry since she’d met him years ago, but back then she hadn’t thought she’d have much of a chance with him. Y/N had heard of him dating supermodels, rich girls with a ‘perfect figure’ and scandalous backgrounds and had always kept the idea of a relationship with Harry Styles far far away in the name of self preservation.

But then he’d kissed her.

He’d been drunk when he’d done it, but Y/N hadn’t cared in the slightest. When morning came, Harry had explained that he wasn’t looking for a relationship and that while he thought Y/N was wonderful, he didn’t want anything serious with her.

She’d remembered those words and lived religiously by them.

Only ever calling him when she really needed him, allowing him to knock on her door whenever he felt like fucking her, being okay with acting in the role of little play toy even though she’d always liked him.

And it wasn’t like their arrangement wasn’t mutual— it had started out that way, but it was slowly eroding her mind— exhausting her until all she did some nights was cry.

And even though Harry’s touch felt wonderful, and his confident display of affection had initially warmed her heart, all she wanted to do right now was cry. Cry because she was realizing, through all of this, that something like this was all she’d ever wanted. With Harry, without Harry— she’d been needing something real, and this wasn’t real. This was all pretend, a silly arrangement between two incompatible friends; one famous bastard and one delusional office job girl, his handsome face and her insecure mind.

She couldn’t handle being with him sometimes. She would open the door of her apartment, let her eyes trail over his features and doubt that he wanted to be there with her. It seemed so farfetched that he would want to fuck her, that he’d want to touch her body and kiss away her fears. She almost felt disgusted by it, by his touch, knowing that he’d touched other, better women— and many of them.

She always made him turn the lights off.

So there was no doubt that he was drunk out of his mind right now. Because why else would inform their whole friend group— not just select friends, their whole group which consisted of some mere acquaintances, of their relationship. Situationship. Whatever it had blossomed into.

Harry’s hand was burning against her stomach and she couldn’t do it anymore. She excused herself quietly to the bathroom. Y/N knew Harry’s house like the back of her hand, so she found it rather easily and walked inside. She didn’t lock the door, just washed her hands. Over, and over, and over again. She washed away all of her horrible, degrading thoughts and tried to drown out the mean voices.

You are your own worst enemy.

The knock she heard on the door was loud, but it didn’t interrupt her train of thoughts. She kept her mind on his hands, his wonderful hands, on her disgusting skin. She wanted to wash away the pain.

She could see Harry out of her periphery. She went back to the soap dispenser.

“You okay?”

Her hands became rougher with it as his voice invaded on her privacy. Her eyes became glossy as she turned on the water again. There was no doubt in her mind that Harry was watching her every move, but she didn’t really care about that.

“Y/N, turn the water off.”

She did it almost instantaneously, like she’d been needing somebody other than herself to tell her to do it because her mind wasn’t strong enough to convince her of it on its own. Harry grabbed a towel, slowly drying her hands and massaging them until they were warm and dry again.

He was staring at her, but she didn’t care if she looked strange to him now. She was strange. She’d always felt like she was faking around Harry— like she needed to be a certain version of herself in order for him to like her, and so there was this wall of pretentiousness that came with being around him.

Sometimes she wasn’t perfect or sensible, sometimes she wanted to wash her hands like a lunatic and cry all the while doing it, so he needed to finally see that. See the pain he was causing her.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, eyes trailing over her features delicately.

“Nothing,” she answered with her gaze on her hands, which were still in the towel.

“Do you want me to kick them out?”

“No,” she shook her head quickly, very decisive in her answer. “Don’t kick them out.”

It was a weird concept anyway, kicking his own friends out so he could… what, comfort her out of whatever state she’d landed in?

He took her hands delicately and interlaced them with his, throwing the towel onto the floor somewhere. She watched as it fell, as her hands found their new home in his, and finally looked up to see Harry already looking at her.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said, almost furious.

“Like what?” He had this innocent glint in his eye, void of any bad intentions and almost oblivious to her anger.

“Like you want to kiss me.”

“I do want to kiss you,” he smiled. Then he squeezed her hands, “can I?”

Y/N had never really learned how to say no, so with her silence, but also her body inching closer to his, came the approval he was looking for. He anchored a hand onto her jaw, allowing his lips to linger on hers with a solid grasp.

Her eyes fluttered shut, the tears forming in them finally released.

Y/N deepened it, trying to latch into him even more to make these feelings go away, convince herself that everything would be fine as long as Harry was actually kissing her, but the ill feeling in her stomach worsened.

She broke away from him, pressing her forehead to his chin, and shook her head. “I can’t do this anymore.”

He was still smiling. “What?”

Panic had risen in her chest, but she still wanted to go through with this.

“I want to end this.” This because she had no idea what they were.

Harry’s eyebrows drew together in concern but when he let his hands rest on her waist, she pulled away. “I can’t. I don’t want this anymore.”

“You mean— what, you mean us?”

She nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“Why… I mean, what… since when have you—“

“Weeks, I think. I need time alone, away from you. I can’t… I want something more than this.”

He pulled away, “oh.”

“Not with you!“ she rushed to say, later realizing that it had sounded a bit offensive when he frowned in response, “but I’m getting older and I need to feel like I’m going somewhere with my life, you know? Can’t just keep being somebody’s fuck buddy.”

The words tasted sour on her tongue.

“Oh,” he said again, and it drove her crazy. Why couldn’t he just say something other than that?

He was so enigmatic that it was hard to say goodbye to him, but she had to. She had to cut ties, at least for a little, so she could recover and find somebody who didn’t make her feel bad about herself, but also did everything else exactly the way Harry did them.

“Alright, if that’s what you want,” he nodded. It was robotic, his face stoic.

There was no fight in him— she didn’t know whether she was delighted or angered by it.

She was staring at him like she wanted to memorize every curve of his mouth, his nose, the exact shade of his irises. She knew this was the end, their demise, and if she never got to be close with him again, maybe it would be fine if she could look back and remember everything about him.

Y/N left Harry in that bathroom and headed straight home.

—

Y/N hadn’t seen any of her friends in a month. Her time had been overwhelmed with work and therapy, days spent at home crying because the lack of a romantic future in her life had finally sunk in. She was broken. She was hurt and ruined, and it had all really been her fault.

But she wanted to get out again. She wanted to see her friends and let her lips curl into a relieved smile at the sight of them goofing around drunk, or making jokes about how hellish it was to be alive.

She’d gone over the possibility of running into Harry and decided it would be fine, that she’d taken enough time away to cope with seeing him again.

He arrived at Sarah’s house at 10 pm, a glass of wine latched onto his glove-covered hand. Y/N watched from the kitchen as he gave her a hug, toed off his shoes and caught her eyes. He tried to smile, as did she, and raised his arm in a wave. Y/N nodded in acknowledgement, beginning to play with the bottle of beer in her hands. She was nervous. She was broken.

Her friends had seen it, of course, the exchange, but they stayed quiet. Neither of them had spoken about their falling out, but their scattered separate arrivals at house gatherings as well as her loud absence from the last few ones had confirmed things further.

She’d tried to avoid him, but Sarah’s house wasn’t as big as Harry’s. There was less space and everywhere she was, Harry couldn’t be more than a few feet away. There was a magnetic force that she was trying to ignore, as well as the pained looks he would be so blatant about.

Once things had quieted down, and the group had left to scatter in small gatherings around the fire place, on the couch, outside on the patio, Y/N felt it the best opportunity to sneak into the corridor where no one was around.

Well, no one but him. He always seemed to find her.

“I went on a date last week.”

Y/N sighed, “you’ve gotta stop following me around—“

“Because I hadn’t, you know,” he said, voice cracking and hand tightening around his glass, “I hadn’t been on one in months. Ever since we started, actually. Never thought it was necessary, or that I wanted to. But then you left, and I thought about what you said, and I really wanted to date. So I went to the bar, you know? I went to the bar and I… I saw this girl, and she was beautiful. She had long, wavy hair and she wore these really cute glasses, you know? Like, these brown tortoiseshell glasses similar to the ones you wear sometimes, and I fell in love with those glasses. Just fucking… couldn’t stop staring at them. I was thinking about you and about the night you left and I…” the words seemed to get lost somewhere in his throat, but he had this look on his face that mirrored painful confusion.

“Harry—“

“I want you to know that that was a really fucked up thing to do.”

That was it. After that, he left. He faced the other way and walked away from her. It wasn’t until he reached the door and opened it that she started following him.

“No!” She protested, “no, you don’t get to say that and walk away from me, you dick. You were the one who… who— just, you hurt me!”

That seemed to irk him (she’d wanted it to) because he turned again, stepping so close that she started backtracking, “I hurt you? I hurt you? You were the one who left!”

“Because you’re confusing as fuck!”

“What do you even—“ he shook his head, “you’re fucking quiet. You never tell me what you’re thinking or how you’re feeling and all at once, you burst at me. You never… you never say anything.”

“That’s what you wanted, Harry, so don’t tell me it’s only me when it was always about sex. You wanted the arrangement, you wanted booty calls, you wanted—“

“I wanted you to be you! The way you were when we were friends— so I tried to get you to open up, get closer to you, but you would never let me!”

Y/N was sure their friends could hear them from the living room, but she couldn’t find it in her to worry. “Why let myself get hurt when all this was was some stupid way to pass time? Cause that’s all it was, right? You call me, I call you— that’s fine, but it’s not worth exposing my secrets for.”

“Right, well I was under the impression things were going better but fine, if that’s what you think.”

She tutted. “Don’t do that. You told me you didn’t date, that we couldn’t start anything more and I never pushed you. I did exactly as you said.”

He blew out a breath, “things change.”

“I don’t know if you did, honestly.”

“I did.”

“You did?” She challenged, knowing it would blow up in her face. “What changed? Tell me exactly what changed, because it all felt the same to me! But I don’t know, maybe I missed your devastating declaration of love, or maybe I—“

“Alright, I love you, okay?” He was gripping his face in frustration, not nearly confident enough to look her in the eyes. In a more controlled tone, he repeated himself. “I love you.”

She scoffed. Out loud. It was followed by a laugh too, her scoff, and it reverberated through the room. Then she shook her head, and she couldn’t believe the audacity of him.

“Right, okay.”

He gave a sigh, tired. “Stop invalidating my feelings.”

His voice harbored just enough vulnerability for her to feel for him.

“You’re insecure about us, I get it. You were hurt, I understand. I didn’t want more when you did, I understand that too— but you weren’t the only one who got hurt in the end. It may have started out as a simple arrangement, but you know damn well things started changing months ago. I was showing you different sides of myself so that you would show the other, imperfect sides of you, but you never compromised with me. You wanted me to turn the lights off. You don’t even believe me when I say that I love you! Do you get how devastating it feels to tell someone that you love them and not only do they not feel the same way, they don’t even believe you could be capable of it?”

And she… she didn’t know what to say after that.

He was right, she supposed. She hadn’t considered his feelings in the matter.

“I do love you. I do. But if you think we’re a joke and we were never even real anyway, then fine.”

He’d started to distance himself, taking a few steps backwards from where she stood. She wanted to cry, but she didn’t want him to think she was trying to play victim— it was just what she did whenever she felt overwhelmed.

Y/N let him leave. Let him open the door and walk out, back to their friends, as she stood there alone. He was walking away from her.

And once the door closed, she burst into tears.

Her insecurities were mean, they were heavy on every part of her being right now.

She faced the front door leading outside and cried, trying to be as quiet as she could so nobody would hear her.

He did, though, or at least he had a feeling she was crying because he came back shortly after, almost like he’d been stood just outside regretting ever leaving. She could almost picture it, the door closing, their friends staring back at him with questioning glances— how he may have shut his eyes and released a deep breath before readying himself to get swallowed whole by the dramatics of it all over again. She was facing away from him, but her shoulders trembled in fear and he could kind of see her through the reflection of the door.

“Y/N.”

She shook her head.

“Y/N, turn around.” When she didn’t comply, Harry pulled her to the front of his chest, hesitant at first but becoming more confident as he felt her relax. His mouth was near her ear as he whispered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“Don’t, I’ve been horrible to you. And stupid.“

He shook his head. “It’s both of our faults.”

“I just… I always thought you wouldn’t like me as anything more than what we were and I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know,” he shushed her, pressing his lips to the side of her head and letting them linger there. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

He coaxed her around, never letting go.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

She sniffled, “I forgive you.”

He chuckled against her forehead, his chest heaving against hers. Her lips were curling into a small smile as well. She couldn’t help but mirror him.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, I didn’t mean to… you know, say it like that in the middle of an argument. Shouldn’t have done that.”

She thought for a moment before settling on a subtle shrug. “Think I do though.”

He laughed, “you think?”

She moved to rest her chin on his chest, a glint in her wet eyes as she spoke, “if I say I know, will you date me for real?” She still sounded nervous.

His grin was wide. “I don’t know, don’t you think it’s a bit too soon for dating? I mean, I just told you I love you.”

The delight that sparked in her was all he’d been looking for. “I wouldn’t be surprised with how anti-relationships you are.”

Harry pinched her bum, rolling his eyes. “That was before I knew you think you may be in love me. Now I’m considering it.”

She looked extra cute because her eyes were still glossy and red, but she seemed happier, a smile completely molding her features. “Hm, well I guess I better know then.”

He leaned down enough to nudge her nose with his, “you probably should.”

“I love you,” she whispered, breath hitting his lips. “I know I do.”

He kissed her then, pulling her impossibly close. “Again,” he’d said, and she obeyed. He gave her two short kisses, mumbling, “again” over and over again until he had his fill.

He couldn’t resist the last finishing kiss, lasting just a few seconds longer than the other ones. “Let’s go home.”

—

the end!

[dolldefiler]

Hey :)

I just wanted to say truly how incredible your writing is. I find myself refreshing on tumblr desperately looking for a new story from you whilst I mindlessly rub myself away to all the dirty things on here because it just works like no other if I’m honest..

Also wanted to say thank you for seeming like a genuine person on top of all the sex-stuff, a lot of people abuse the space with this sorta stuff so it’s refreshing to see a double edged sword type thing I suppose.

Now I guess onto the reason I gathered the courage to ask (even though I’m still on anonymous…) I was wondering if you’d be up for letting me share my fantasy and if it sparked any inspo, if you’d be open to doing a request whenever you got the free time?

One of my biggest fantasies in the world is being kidnapped, raped and gaslighted, with heavy heavy tones of misogyny. Idk something about a sexually fuelled patriarchal society really does something to me :0 but unfortunately it’s kind of hard to communicate that desire to anyone at risk of it being taken completely the wrong way (oh the joys of having these kinks) and so I fear I’ll never really get to live out any variation of this fantasy with someone I trust

I just imagine being taken one day, because I’m just a girl and it’s a man’s right to take me if they choose. He takes me back to whatever secluded hole he’s got to keep me in, and it’s brutal and harsh at first - tied, bruised, etc etc. Then as the days, weeks, months go by I begin to develop Stockholm syndrome or I’m just plain old gaslighted into thinking this is all women are made for. Maybe he recorded me saying degrading things about myself in the first few days, which I said out of fear but you play them back for me and convince me that I meant them and you never asked me to say those things, it must just be truly who I am. Maybe he’d reward me when I gagged on his golf with the most simple thing like a stroke of my hair while he brutally fucked my face, but the small sign of affection (even when being used so aggressively) would be the gentle touch that I had been craving in the months he had kept me locked away. Besides the first time he raped me (so he could hold my pleasure during it as a tool against me), he would edge me from the very start, breaking me, making me crave the pleasure against everything screaming in my body saying not to. Taunting me by saying if I could cum just one more time, he’d let me go.. but of course he’d never let me. Teasing me by saying if I do as I’m told he’ll think about letting me get extra close to the edge that day, because at this point being allowed that would be the closest I would ever get. By the end of it my rewards would no longer benefit me, I’d be thankful when he said I could cockwarm him whilst he worked, or if he said I could be spend hours and hours worshipping his cock with my mouth, even when my jaw began to hurt. He’d only fuck me ass unless he wanted to edge me and get me close, or to breed me full of cum. If I ever took a misstep, like missing a single drop of cum after he came, I’d be punished. I’d be thankful to serve him, I’d learn to speak to him as my superior and all my pleasure would come from serving him. I could be completely rewritten and by the end of it he could let me go with no worry, and I’d be his forever..

ANYWAYS… ahem. I think I may have got carried away.

Even if you don’t write anything like this, honestly it was kind of fun just typing it out.

Other than that, I hope you are doing good!

From a very horny anon (who maybe recently has maybe weirdly started subconsciously picturing some imagined version you in this fantasy)

-🍒

Aww, this is such a cute message to receive (and as ever with these asks, I apologise for taking a century to respond).

I would love to steal some girl away from her home, snatching her up like she's property to be claimed. Snatching it up, like it's property to be claimed. She'd struggle at first, screaming and crying, violently thrashing against her ropes and threatening to call the police. What a silly little sex doll. The police wouldn't care about her. They'd probably stolen away their own little fleshlights.

I'd beat her of course. Stupid fucking rapetoys need it sometimes. They need to understand that they're nothing until I give them a purpose. I'd lock her in a dark room with no clock, no water, not a single sound to accompany her but the sounds of soft sobbing and heavy breathing. She'd mark the passing of days from my sharp footsteps as I'd come down to feed her. Beat her. Abuse her.

I'd speak to her sometimes, whispering degradation into her ears. Taking off her gag to encourage to degrade herself for me, if she wanted food. The only human contact she'd know would be intensely degrading. Every vile word of degradation she'd whisper about herself would earn her a pat on the head or kiss on the forehead. I'd reward her for breaking.

I would record every trembling word of hate she'd say about herself and rape her to the sounds of it. I'd spread apart her cunt on my cock and pound away at her, recording even that, raping her endlessly to our homemade porn. To our rape videos. She'd watch her own face become stained with tears. She'd hear the nasty things she'd hear about herself. She'd lose her mind. Did she truly want this? Did she really hate herself?

I'd reassure her that this was normal. That it's okay to hate yourself. That all she needed was me. I'd strap a vibrator against her clit and drill into her ass, jerking off inside her to the sounds of her intense degradation, to the her loud, screaming in those rape videos. I'd teach her to love the feeling. Then I'd leave her again. I wouldn't speak to her for days, silently feeding her. She'd have to choose between eternal silence or... something that made her feel alive. Something that made her feel like a woman. Something like a pathetic fucking rapemutt.

I'd choke her out, squeezing her tighter and telling her that I'd stop if she only just told me to. I'd stop if she degraded herself. I'd stop it if she just said anything. But my hand would stop her. I'd watch her become unconscious and limp every time, and wake her up to my cock raping her ass violently and my palm slapping her sharply. I'd only use her cunt to reward her. To train her into loving my cock stirring up her insides in a way that didn't leave her screaming.

I'd rewrite her so thoroughly she wouldn't even be able to consider disobeying me. The police might stop burying their cocks into their own fleshlights and knock on my door. They might question her. They'd get nothing. She'd defend me and tell them she ran away with me. She'd fervently tell them how I'd saved her from her old life. How I'd helped her. They'd take one last look at her and leave my house. Perhaps I'd breed her as a reward.

[yanderes-galore]

Hi if you do poly can I please request yandere Alastor and Charlie both fallen for the hotel new resident please , hcs if possible if not a Drabble would be fun to read 💗

I was sharing thoughts with @okchijt late at night since Hazbin is such a brainrot for me rn. So some of what I talk about, such as the dynamic between Darling and Alastor/Charlie, is from what I discussed with them.

I took my own creative liberties with this request... sorry if this isn't quite what you wanted :( LOVE THIS SHOW!

Yandere! Alastor + Charlie sharing a Darling

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic - Sharing (Alastor would be ambiguous due to Canon)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive/Protective behavior, Sadism, Degrading behavior/Ownership, Yanderes sharing, Stalking, Clingy behavior, Imprisonment, Forced companionship/relationship.

So, the idea I came up with is this;

You're the new resident hoping to be redeemed, yes, but you have a past.

Somehow in someway... you have a deal with Alastor.

You were silently hoping that coming to the Hotel and being redeemed would free you.

Yet you end up coming face to face with Alastor the moment you enter.

Now, Charlie can be either intention with you.

Alastor... the way I intend to write Alastor is something dubious.

His intentions can't be read as exclusively platonic or romantic.

He has his own intentions... ones no one but himself can read.

(I will usually write him like this due to him being Asexual in canon... although according to research, even that has a range/spectrum)

As the new resident and a sinner, Charlie naturally wants to redeem you.

Although, she may not learn until later that Alastor has you on a leash like Husk.

If you aren't a soul claimed by Alastor before you enter the Hotel, you will be at some point.

Alastor has an idea of what your plan is... he doesn't like the idea of letting you out of his grasp.

In response, you're allowed to live and work at the Hotel... "for redemption".

Charlie is clueless at first of the tension between you and Alastor.

Although Husk would understand your issue... even if he isn't big on the whole redemption thing.

Just another pet meant to do tricks.

The two are complete opposites, even when they eventually start sharing.

Charlie is too nice for her own good and nearly smothers her obsession at times.

Alastor is, like I've said, mysterious.

You don't know what he wants exactly... but he owns you and your soul.

When Alastor sees Charlie's obsession towards you, he'd share to keep her happy.

In reality you are definitely still his... regardless on if Charlie wants to help you be "better".

Alastor is a reminder of who you once were... the result of a bet gone wrong... you can't scrub the past away that easily.

You're only in here because Alastor's allowing you, anyways.

Eventually Charlie will know of the dynamic between you and Alastor.

Especially if she sees him pull your chain.

The fact that one way or another you got under Alastor's grasp upsets Charlie at first.

But Alastor convinces her of the benefits.

Alastor knows Charlie couldn't dare see you go if you were redeemed.

Charlie goes to deny such a thought... but Alastor cuts her off.

He's seen how Charlie acts around you.

She follows you around like a puppy at times, always asking for your approval and clinging around you.

She loves you... be that as friends or something more twisted.

However... she won't have to worry about that if you just stay here.

That way, Alastor gets to keep your soul under his control... and Charlie gets to keep seeing you.

It's not like Heaven will let her visit.

Charlie may actually be won over by this... resulting in them "sharing" with each other.

It's yet another deal, you now being with "two" masters.

You feel betrayed that Charlie would choose not to redeem you just to keep you to herself.

Alastor merely stares you down with a smug aura, you can feel the chain around your neck even if he didn't manifest it.

No need for kidnapping in this situation, Alastor already has you in his control.

He can keep you in the Hotel with Charlie, even better since his role is playing protector of the place.

Yeah, no other Overlord is coming near you.

Charlie doesn't even like the idea of Alastor "owning" you... but it's better than someone else... hopefully.

At least with Alastor you're in the Hotel.

Your only "solace" is speaking with people like Husk or Angel Dust... at least they understand such a plight somewhat.

Charlie tries to regain your trust the best she can.

She feels horrible for Alastor essentially exposing her true desires.

She clings to you, crying and whimpering about you hating her.

You're sort of forced to comfort her as Vaggie glares at you if you don't.

A silent warning to play nice with the Princess.

Alastor finds all this amusing.

To think you had a chance at leaving?

Face it, outside of the Hotel isn't safe without him and Charlie.

Going to Heaven? Out of the question!

Alastor has eyes on you all the time... even if he didn't, Charlie certainly follows you around even if you don't know it.

You're bound to him.

Alastor's merely playing nice by allowing Charlie to have you.

It's all deals in Hell!

Unfortunately... deals define your life... as you learn the hard way once Heaven is torn from your grasp.

"What's wrong, darling? Upset your little plan didn't work the way you wanted it to?"

"Please! Please, I'm sorry! I just... love you too much to let you go to Heaven... you'll be happy and safe here... with me and Alastor! Okay? Don't look at me like that!"

[telvess]

Record of Ragnarok Hermes (headcanons) 🔞

It came out a little chaotic... I got lost in halfway. If I'm making any significant mistakes, feel free to tell me.

SFW That guy is like a walking enigma. He behaves elegantly and kindly, always has excellent manners, not to mention his perfect tact, but something in your gut tells you it's not entirely sincere. Don’t get me wrong, you aren’t that perceptive: Hermes letting his perfect image… loosen up a bit. It’s funny. He always says something almost innocent as if he learnt what innocence means yesterday. He likes playing these kind of sweet games where you both know he isn’t honest and you try your best to expose him. If you manage to succeed, forget about praises or any other reward. Hermes would just smile or pretend innocently how unexpected that was, eh… I believe Hermes doesn’t have his type. The only condition that really matters is if a person can intrigue him. He likes challenges or being the challenge. Get his attention and keep fuel curiosity. Doesn’t matter if you are goddess or human, he would be genuinely impressed if anyone surprise him with something. That doesn’t happen often. If he catches some sort of feelings towards someone, nobody would knows. Yes, Hermes is nosy, always knows what’s happening in others’ lives, but he’s way too clever to give even the slightest hint that something is going on in his love life. For Hermes falling in love is a game but whoever falls first - loses. So romance with him is slow burn kind. I allow the possibility of enemies-to-lovers trope. If, hypothetically, some minor pantheon feuded with Zeus and Hermes would be sent to deliver the threat so that they know their place-… I meant message with some kind of advice, he might come face to face with s/o. The conversation may not be spicy, but it won’t be nice either. Full of subtexts, small provocations and fake smiles, everything on the verge of politeness. Hermes would come back without a scratch, but it definitely didn't go as expected. If at the end both sides find some reasonable compromise, Hermes and s/o most likely would end up seeing each other more often. Maybe because of their duties, maybe because they happen to be in the right place and time. Half the time, they'll have their small banters. Usually Ares is part of them because he overheard something - in his opinion - disrespectful and he tries to backup his brother, but he’s so incompetent that even he realizes it himself. At that point it’s usually too late for prideful man as Ares to call it off so Hermes has to come in a clutch and safe his butt. And no - Ares never learns from his mistakes. The next day he would fall into the same trap again… Sometimes it even leads to situation where everyone is against everyone. Hermes won’t be playing on violin just for s/o, but if she joins him during the play, he won’t mind her presence. In fact, he would like to talk about it afterwards. It works both ways - he won't be pushy either, but he would be kindly interested if she mentions her hobbies and is willing to share. The tension between them builds slowly over time. They both know that the other feels the same, but they don't act on it. I think it would go from like zero to hundred in a moment. Single spark and suddenly they kiss and touch each other without hesitation. It's hard to tell if they would become an official couple. They might as well be in open relationship or just friends with benefit.

NSFW I see him as a switch. He is used to serve Zeus and others so probably feels a need to be in charge and take care of a lover. On other hand, if you insist to be top and just tell him to relax, he’ll accept the offer. He secretly likes being care of but would never admit it. It’s new to him - be able to just empty the mind like that. I think he has a thing for long neat legs. I don’t know why. It’s nice addition, like the icing on the cake. He loves having them around his waist or placed on his arms when he basically fold you in half. Hermes likes to talk during act. He’s one playful guy. Telling you what he’s about to do, a bit of dirty talk here and then, definitely some praises. He has really good voice for that and knows how to use it against you. He’s pretty creative and open to suggestions. As long as you aren’t in pain, Hermes is up to anything. He doesn’t have his routine, just goes with the flow. Sex with him is rare, he’s busy man, that’s why he wants to make the best use of that precious time just between you two. Top notch in aftercare, hands down. That’s like his natural environment. He always makes sure you’re comfortable. Massage, bath, breakfast or any other form of tenderness you can think of.

I was woken up by intense smell and strange, omnipresent wetness. I opened my puffy eyes and once I realized I’m in the water, guided by instincts and fear, rapidly tried to get up. — Shh, calm down — I heard right next to my ear. Someone’s slender hands surrounded me in waist, forcing me to stay in sitting position. I let out a surprised sigh but didn’t oppose. I looked over my shoulder to see Hermes’s calm face. Leaning against his chest, I could feel the warmth radiating from him. — Where-re we… how… — I mumbled not fully awake yet. — You passed out — Hermes explained. Memories of our last ,conversation’ flashed back to me, and then my face exploded with heat. An egg could have been fried on my cheek. I was hoping that Hermes didn’t notice my embarrassment. Pathetic daydream… He knows everything about everyone before others. — Oh… I didn’t have to turn around to see his smile. — Judging by your body language, you didn’t seem bored with our experience. That’s why I took it as a complement. — Hermes pretend to be lost in thoughts, his voice was on the verge of innocence he imitated so well. — Whatever you like. — I gave up. He had upper hand here. — Do I interpret it correctly? Am I sensing submissiveness? — No… — Sulky mood then? — I don’t have strength for that… — That’s not very alike you. — I felt his chin on the top of my head. — Perhaps I should’ve thanked you for all these sweet gifts you gave me. I sighed. Something in his voice awaken me completely. — How much I hate… — I turned to face him. — Yes? — Hermes enticed me. I could see sparkles of joy in his eyes. — … how unbearably witty you are. — I finished angry. The corners of his lips lifted a bit. — Thank you — he said calmly. I just shook my head and came back to old position. We sat in silence. My mind went to previous events that leads me to this situation. I may have started our little tête-à-tête, but he was the one who dragged it to breaking point. I remembered his nimble fingers, smooth voice as he whispers to my ears, gentle and tender gestures, the patience, and finally his steady, firm thrusts as he filled me over and over. I lost track of time, at some point everything stopped when Hermes was playing with my body in so many different ways - from the most ordinary, to extravagant, to promiscuous positions. Being at his mercy was… pleasant. — That was very nice — I whispered. — Yes — he admitted silently, next to my ear. Whether he really thought so, or whether his impeccable manners spoke through him, I will probably never know. Still, I felt absolutely no need to worry about how I fared compared to his other lovers. I was just enjoying the moment.

[everythingiloveblog]

Is Only Friends Slut-Shaming Boston?

"Sometimes bad people don't need a back story, they're just born sluts" Jojo Tichakorn

"I can’t (have sex with someone without knowing them), I’m not like Boston" Mew to Top in episode 1

"Whoever has you as their boyfriend is so unlucky. You’re slutty" Cheum to Boston in episode 4

"Serves you right for being slutty" Nick to Boston after learning about Gap’s revenge porn in episode 5

"Even a heartless slut like Boston has a lover" Cheum in episode 6

"Your slutty ass just sleeps with anyone" Ray to Boston in episode 6

"This asshole sleeps with everything that breathes" Mew about Boston in episode 10

"You sleep around too much and things get messy. Don’t you learn" Nick to Boston in episode 11

The whole Atom plot in detail with @chaos0pikachu

This post from @spicyvampire and this answer from @lurkingshan

And this is just what I remember from the show so I would answer...yes? I don't know how much of it is intentional, but it definitely feels like it, yeah.

...I actually have so many things to say I don’t even know where to start. Is anyone gonna read all that? I doubt it, but I still need to let it out.

Warnings: english is not my native language so have mercy & I’m writing this mostly by memory so I will definitely forget things or get things wrong

I really logged back into an old tumblr account just for this because I still can’t believe how people can’t see it. I know people are allowed to have their own opinions and see things differently but...really?

Many people have already written about this on Tumblr & Twitter so I will also add links and quotes from people smarter and more eloquant than me (I hope I’m allowed to do this. If not I will delete it)

First of all, this is not only about the last episode, it’s about what happened in OF since episode 1 + some interviews of Jojo and Ninew. So rewatching the finale only will not give you the full picture.

"Is the narrative is punishing Boston? Is the narrative punishing Boston because he is a slut? And not because he slept with his friend's boyfriend.

First of all, what is a slut? Sorry for the Wikipedia definition but :

‘Slut (archaic: slattern) is an English-language term for a person, usually a woman or girl, who is sexually promiscuous or considered to have loose sexual morals.’

Who is said to have a lot of different sexual partners or sexual relationships? Boston, Top & Sand (kinda).

Who is shown having a lot of different sexual partners or sexual relationships? Only Boston. We see him with Gap, Nick, Top, Atom & Boeing. And you know what? Let’s add all the pictures of the guys we see in his dark room while knowing that they were taken after sexual intercourse. That’s a lot!

Also big difference, Top and Sand are actively shown to want a committed, monogamous relationship. Sand just sleep with different people to avoid getting attached and getting hurt. Top is a newly reformed slut who "exists only to be Mew's True Love" (see chaos0pikachu’s take on Top, very interesting and sad tbh, he could have been so much more).

However, Boston is currently enjoying the slut life, he enjoys the freedom of being promiscuous. I just think this is interesting to note.

Boston may deserve to be 'punished' for sleeping with Top. Yeah, sure. But don’t you think it’s weird that he is the only one getting punished by the narative like this? And does he deserve this amount of punishment ?

Yes, the difference between Top & Boston is that Top feels remorse right away and Boston doesn’t. So while Top spends the 2nd half of the show pathetically trying to get Mew back (coughboringcough, sorry), Boston gets (and I hope I don’t forget anything):

- his car wiretapped by his jealous friend with benefits, which leads to an audio recording of Top and Boston having sex (also, Nick used the information to blackmail Top into staying away from Boston...weirdo)

- that same recording getting shared by Sand (after he stole the recording by lying and manipulating Nick). So now, 4 people (Nick, Sand, Ray, Mew) have been in contact and passing around an illegal, unconsented recording of ‘the sluts’, with little repercussion tbh

- punched by Ray in episode 6

- punched, almost drowned and told he should have never been born by Mew in episode 7

- Boston is also out of the friend group, but is still ‘allowed’ to be involved in the group project (fair enough)

- Nick telling a revenge thirsty Mew that Gap has illegal, unconsented video recordings of Boston having sex to blackmail him for money, aka Revenge Porn material (for what reasons??? Nick just cried to Boston that he would never hurt him on purpose...I’m still lost)

- Mew doing all that seducing Gap thing to get the revenge porn and threaten to show it to Boston’s weirdass, probably homophobic dad

- Nick trying to talk to Boston during the Halloween party in episode 8, without any apology for what he did, and still defending himself with "yeah but you slept with your friend’s boyfriend" deserves a mention imo (just in case we forgot i guess...)

- The whole Atom plot (really vile, I have no words). From Atom being the one insisting on having sex with Boston and Boston reluctantly agreeing, to the accusations, to Mew & Ray’s gross smiles during Cheum & Boston’s confrontation (sirs, Atom has been allegedly assaulted, what is so funny? Unless you don’t actually care about the truth, you just love to see Boston in that situation, actual monsters.) to Nick and Cheum empathy & compassion going towards Atom rather than Boston. Just, gross.

And it also leads him to be 100% out of the group and jeopardizes his graduation

- Not sure if I should add Nick basically saying "deserved" to Boston after he tells him that his friends left him for good, because I have no idea if Nick is saying because of the Atom thing or not

- And finally, the last episode (especially all the groveling, very uncomfortable)

Overkill much?

Especially compared to the other characters and their ‘punishments’ for their actions, we can clearly see a difference, no?

Here is a good post from @thewayuarent comparing Boston’s offenses to the other characters.

Boston (the only active slut) is the only character who ends up with a bad/sad ending

And what makes it a bad ending? It's not BostonNick not being endgame. It's not Boston ending single. It's the framing. The way the information is being presented.

Boston's last appearance in the show is him being rejected, alone, teary eyed on the floor on the side of the road while the other 4 monogamous couples end up with their unrealistic happy ending. It is super weird. It just feels mean, out of place, moralistic (and kinda boring). As if Boston was what was keeping them from being happilly coupled. And after an uncomfortable round of one-sided apologies to his ‘friends’ on top of that. Just, ew.

I recommand reading these posts :

- Look at this happy ending gifset of Boston by @technicallyverycowboy. He’s thriving, no?

- This post from @neuroticbookworm

- This post from @hellolimitless

- This post from @nozunhinged

- This post from @chalkrevelations

- This answer from @lurkingshan

- This good point from @odd-one-advocate and that good point from @no1petesimp (read the tags)

- This interesting point from @porschesbabydaddy, completed by this alternate universe where Boston’s spirit isn’t broken by @keepthetension, 10/10

This is Boston's bad ending, because it's not what he wanted

The ending Boston wanted was to be Nick’s boyfriend (romantic and sexual) for the 3-4 months he had left in Thailand, while being able to also get intimate (only sexual) with other guys. That is what he wants, and definitely not what he gets.

At least, Nick gets to have the last word, because ending the relationship is his decision, backed by Sand.

Non-monogamy could have been considered

It wouldn’t have hurt to see the characters involved have a conversation about non-monogamy, before the whole Boeing thing. Without framing it negatively, of course. But we didn’t get it.

About Nick and what he wants from Boston

He might have wanted a monogamous relationship from Boston from the start. Even though to me, it seemed more like, while jealous, he especially wanted to be loved by Boston and not only being seen as a sex doll.

Something I don’t really like about Nick’s characterization. He’s so wishy-washy.

"I love him, I don’t care about not being his favorite/number 1, I just don’t want him to hate me" to "the word boyfriend should only apply to me"

"I know what I’m dealing with, Boston is nasty but I’m nasty too" to "why are we (Nick and Sand) attracted to bad people" to "you’re not a bad person Boston" and then back to "I’m nasty too, so we suit each other"

"I love you for who you are, you don’t need to change" to basically "actually yeah be who you are, but without me, let’s go our separate ways" like????

I mean yeah, people are allowed to change their mind, but damn.

About Sand having Nick's back (and Cheum having Top's back)

I don’t know if we can count this as slut-shaming as I’m not sure he’s shaming Boston for being a slut. But Sand is definitely shaming Boston (the only slut).

Sand always has a negative things to say about Boston when he talks to Nick. But especially him saying ‘compared to Boston, you’re a saint’ to Ray (I have to laugh), and the ‘don’t lower the bar’ to Nick? Very icky to me.

And I would have been ok if we saw the same energy from Nick. Sand being like "you love him so much that you don’t love yourself". AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, SIR? Dating a man that calls you a whore every time he gets angry and hasn't apologized for it once? A man who pushes you around so much you end up being bruised? Peak of self love, methinks...

And Cheum being on Top’s side forever and ever from day 1 and she barely knows him.

Boston is just treated very differently. Even Nick, the only person shown to side with him sometimes, is only 50% on his side at most.

Boston had to apologize for what he did but never received a proper apology for any of the horrible things that were done to him

BostonNick post time-skip

Boston and Nick are supposedly main characters, and yet, are nowhere to be seen after the time skip. Boston gets a sentence, Nick vanishes. Their last scene (aka, their ending scene) in the show being the breakup. We don’t know how they feel about that months later. Are they happy now? Did they move on ? Are they single? Are they thriving? Are they miserable? We don’t know anything because we don’t see them. How good of an ending is that for the characters?

The narrative is biased towards all the characters and against Boston.

Now, I’m gonna talk about the directors.

From what I know, Nick’s story is inspired from Ninew’s love experience. And just with that information, I know damn well it’s impossible to get an objective point of view about BostonNick’s relationship. Ninew has no way to know what was going on in irl Boston’s life, his thoughts, etc. Which explains why they didn’t bother with his backstory.

+ Mew was supposed to be a good guy, loved by the audience and Boston, the bad guy. Jojo said "Mew is a guy that everyone is going to be in love with". Meanwhile, to the question about Boston’s lack of backstory he said "sometimes bad people don't need a back story, they're just born sluts" which tells me everything I need to know.

+ they did their best to not ruin the image? likeability? of the other characters:

"We knew we had to cast Khaotung because he is a very empathetic guy so even when Ray is bad, people like him"

"F*ck we didn't realize they would hate Top this much, so we tried to edit things to help reduce the hatred."

During the TopBoston elevator scene, Nick was actually there. But they cut that portion because they thought Nick was being too much of a stalker.

They also mention Mew 's violent dream about Top and Boston that was cut and the Ray blow up scene in YOLO having a more dramatic version which was obviously not aired.

You can’t do all that (and probably more), but still say "At the end of the day, after we're done with our part, the show belongs to the viewers. We love good and bad feedback and know it's [the show] not perfect, but we like that viewers can judge the characters for themselves." It doesn’t add up.

So? The answer?

Boston definitely got disproportionately punished for being a slut because it is heavily implied that his biggest crime was to sleep with Top, and that he did that because he is a slut. And all his other problems were related to having sex, while also being blamed to some extent for them.

While especially Mew, Cheum and Ray (and to some degree Nick and Sand) got off scot free while also being awful people (borderline criminals but not sluts I guess).

"If your writing penalizes the only character who remained promiscuous but absolves everyone who only has sex within their monogamous and tbh heteronormative relationship, that's the messaging you will inevitably give." @paciouspolca

(edit: I guess I have to specify that I don't agree with the heteronormative part of the quote, because I see that it understandably made some people angry but i don't think it's fair to negate the rest of the quote and the whole post because of it)

One last thing: this is the novel BostonNick breakup (written after the series script). From I’ve heard, the novel kinda works like a fix-it version of the series. And while I’m still not a 100% on board with it, this version feels definitely less punishing (and sadder actually, I would’ve cried if it was in the show).

[ilguna]

☼ transfer student (Hermione Granger) ☼

summary; you're a transfer student from ilvermorny, and as soon as you figure out they have quidditch at hogwarts, you know you have to join.

warnings; swearing, death mention.

wc; 3.9k

–

“Welcome to Hogwarts, (Y/n).” Professor McGonagall says with a smile. 

“Thank you, Professor.”

“We usually sort students at the beginning of the year during the start-of-term banquet, but Headmaster Dumbledore agreed to let you join in the middle of the year. I was told that you’d been sorted into the Thunderbird house at Ilvermorny, however you’ll need to be sorted again for Hogwarts.”

“Sounds good.” You smile.

She nods, “I’m sure you understand the way the sorting works, how you’re only allowed into your own House’s dormitory?”

“Yes, I was a fifth year.”

“Of course. The four Houses here are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each House has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your House points, while any rulebreaking will lose House points. At the end of the year, the House with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honor.” She pauses for a moment, allowing the information to sink in. “The Sorting Ceremony will take place in front of the whole school.”

You nod, smoothing out the skirt you were instructed to wear. She holds up her hand, turning away to go inside of the Great Hall. You catch a glimpse of two rows of tables inside, full of students of all ages. Your stomach flutters, remembering that you’ll have to make all new friends.

The ones you made back home in Ilvermorny were nice. You begged your mom not to move you from the school, because you didn’t want to feel like a first year again. She told you that the choice isn’t even left up to her, or your dad. Her job needed her relocated, and she couldn’t say no. If she could’ve let you stay, she would’ve, but you would be too far away from her in an emergency.

You know she feels guilty, so you’ve been trying to give her the benefit of the doubt ever since you brought it up. The last thing she wants is to move to a country she doesn’t know very well, either. She thinks that moving will do you all some good, though. She said it opens up a lot of possibilities for vacation spots. You didn’t laugh.

While you have a minute to yourself, you smooth out your hair, straighten the black leggings, roll up the sleeves of your turtleneck sweater. The weather here so far is horribly cold, and as much as it reminds you of home, you were hoping there’d be some warmth to Hogwarts.

Your mom told you that you should receive a robe and matching outfits with the rest of your house as soon as you’re sorted. If not, you need to send an owl to her so she can figure it out for you. The last thing she wants is for you to look and feel out of place. You love her to death.

The door opens again, and this time, there are a few heads turned your way. You step out of view, feeling the heat creeping into your face. You’re not sure why it matters to you, considering you’ll be walking through the middle of the rows in any minute, but letting them see you early feels wrong somehow.

Professor McGonagall gives you a smile, “You may follow me, Miss (L/n).”

She holds the door open for you to step inside of the Great Hall. You fight the embarrassed expression that wants to take over your face, now that you see just how many students are in here. And most—no, all of them are looking at you right now. Including the teachers at the other end of the Hall.

You avoid any eye contact, letting her come in front of you to lead you to the front of the room. While you walk, you take in your surroundings, where you’ll be spending some of your time. There are thousands of candles floating in the air over the entire room. You can see four long tables, with gold plates and cutlery. When you look up further, you can see that the ceiling is bewitched to be a starry night sky.

From what you can tell, the House colors are green, yellow, red and blue. The tables are occupied by hundreds of students, and yet, none of them are allowed to intermix and sit with one another. That’s new. In Ilvermorny, you’re encouraged to make friends outside of your House to make sure that there’s unity among the students.

You have a similar game to the House points, but something’s telling you that it’s healthier than what they might be playing. You wonder how you’ll know how many points are in your house at any given time. Are you told the amount taken and what’s leftover? Or is there a specific area dedicated to this?

What you do know for sure, is that you shouldn’t have been told about this. You love winning a good game of anything. You’ll kiss ass to get points, if that’s what it takes. Hogwarts will never have a better contender than you.

Professor McGonagall brings you to the stage at the top of the hall, where there’s another long table, just for the teachers. They’re an interesting variety, you’ll say that for sure. You can’t imagine they can be any worse than half the professors back home. In all honesty, they might be bad, but you never dreaded going to their classes like you did in muggle primary school.

You’re instructed to turn around and face your peers. Your eyes widen slightly, not wanting to do this part. You don’t know any of these people, and they’re likely staring at you as if you’re an animal out of the zoo. You don’t want to face their judgement while you get sorted. Usually the older students aren’t even in sight when you get sorted in Ilvermorny.

Your eyes pan around the teacher area while you can before you turn around, trying to find the statues, or where they’ll come from at least. You don’t find anything of significance, so you try and find the seal on the ground, afraid that you’ve overstepped where you’re supposed to be. The floor is just hardwood, though.

How are you supposed to get sorted without the statues? 

You take a deep breath and turn around to face the students of Hogwarts. There’s a lot of faces, boys and girls, with different emotions on their faces. Excitement and confusion are the most prominent. You think you see a few people lean over, going to whisper to their friends.

Then, a stool is placed in front of you. You look at McGonagall, even more confused on how this works. Will the students choose you? What about House ambition? You watch her place a pointed wizard hat on the stool in front of you. Your mouth falls open, and you quickly shut it. It’s a disgusting hat, really. It’s patched, frayed and quite frankly, dirty. Are you expected to put that on your head?

No one speaks for a long couple of seconds. You turn your head to look at Professor McGonagall, unsure about this. Out of the corner of your eye, the hat twitches. You return your attention to it, waiting for what’s next to come. A rip near the brim opens wide like a mouth, and the hat begins to sing.

“Oh, you may not think I’m pretty, But don’t judge on what you see, I’ll eat myself if you can find A smarter hat than me. You can keep your bowlers black, Your top hats sleek and tall, For I’m the Hogwarts Sorting Hat, And I can cap them all. There’s nothing hidden in your head The Sorting Hat can’t see. So try me on and I will tell you Where you ought to be. You might belong in Gryffindor, Where  dwell the brave at heart, Their daring, nerve, and chivalry Set Gryffindor apart; You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true And unafraid of toil; Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, If you’re a ready mind, Where those of wit and learning, Will always find their kind; Or perhaps in Slytherin You’ll make your real friends, Those cunning folk use any means To achieve their ends. So put me on! Don’t be afraid! And don’t get in a flap! You’re in safe hands (though I have none) For I’m a Thinking Cap!”

You have no chance to react to the hat before the whole Great Hall breaks into applause. You stare at it as it bows to each of the house tables before returning to stillness. If you’re being honest, you don’t understand.

In Ilvermorny, you’re told to stand in the middle of a Gordian Knot on the floor in the center of the entrance hall. There’s four wooden statues that represent each of the houses on the outside facing in. There’s the Horned Serpent, Pukwedgie, Thunderbird, and Wampus. And if a house wants you, then it’ll react. For you, it was the Thunderbird, and the statue had beat its wings. Rarely, a student will get selected by several statues, never all four. In that case, you get to choose which House you want to join. 

The other difference is the fact that you’re standing in front of your peers. When you were sorted, the older students watched quietly on a balcony from above to not disturb those who were having an important moment. And then when you entered the other Hall, a wand would choose you. It’s a good thing that you get to keep yours from Ilvermorny, you can’t imagine how they figure it out here.

Professor McGonagall clears her throat, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Miss (Y/n) (L/n), she’s in her fifth year. She’s a transfer student from the North American Wizardry Academy, Ilvermorny. She’s going to be sorted.”

You smile meekly, still avoiding eyes.

“Miss (L/n), please put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted.” She says.

You hate this, actually. You would prefer to get sorted again and again back home if it meant that you wouldn’t have to do this. There’s more students at Ilvermorny than at Hogwarts, you did the research, but the entire population wasn’t staring at you as you got sorted.

You pick up the dingy hat from the stool, carefully taking a seat on the stool. You close your eyes when you put the hat on, crinkling your nose slightly. You quickly straighten your face.

You almost jump three feet in the air when the voice speaks in your ear, “Thunderbird, eh? That’s a noble house to be from.”

“It’s for adventurers.” You think.

“Adventurers.” The hat echos, “Interesting. Thunderbirds are typically Slytherin, however…” The voice trails off, maybe it’s thinking. “You’re different. Let’s put you in Gryffindor!”

You can hear a table explode into applause and excitement. You pull the hat off of your head, and set it on the stool. When you look at Professor McGonagall, she’s got her hand out in the direction of the red table, on the far left. You smooth out your skirt in the back before heading toward the table.

A few students are standing up in the middle, motioning for you to join them. They’re all smiling faces, friendly from what you can tell. If they aren’t, you’ll handle it. The students at Ilvermorny can be cruel too, and a lot worse than Hogwarts, you can imagine.

A girl with brown hair and hazel brown eyes greets you with a wide grin. “I’m Hermione Granger, welcome to Gryffindor.”

“I’m Ron Weasley.” A red haired boy with freckles says. He pats you on the shoulder, and your eyes slide past him to a pair of twins that are remarkably similar to Ron Weasley. You’re about to say something stupid like, “Triplets?” When it dawns on you that they’re older. They have to be brothers.

And finally, a boy with lots of dark hair and green eyes gives you a wince of a smile, “Harry Potter.”

You let out a laugh, realizing why he winced like that. You vaguely recognize his name, something about his parents being killed by a certain dark wizard here, but he survived somehow. He must be insanely popular in the wizarding world here, if he’s reacting like that. As if you’re going to have a sudden outburst of excitement.

“Oh, don’t worry, we have plenty of celebrities at Ilvermorny.” You smile, tucking your skirt beneath you as you go to sit down next to him. “I won’t scream and jump up and down—unless you want me to?”

“Please, don’t.” He breathes, sitting too.

“Sounds good to me.”

—

“Hermione, please tell me that this won’t take long.” You watch her face carefully, she makes a face, holding up her book.

“Why do you think I have my study book?”

You stop where you’re walking in the grass to stare at her. She doesn’t care, she continues heading forward, going toward the large stand dawned in a red flag.

“(Y/n), we’re already late, can you yell at me when we’re up there?” She asks, disappearing through the doorway.

You chew the inside of your cheek, but continue after her. You follow her through the doorway, and up the endless amount of stairs. You think she’s trying to torture you, because you didn’t want to study with her yesterday. That’s all she does though, it’s a wonder why she wasn’t placed in Ravenclaw.

It didn’t take long for you to blend in with the rest of the students. Well, the Gryffindor ones at least. They’re not too different from the Thunderbird House back home, so you feel right at home. Sometimes, though, you find yourself in the mean blonde haired boy in Slytherin, named Draco.

You can see why the hat was so torn between Gryffindor and Slytherin, because you could belong there, but you’d never last. 

At the top of the stairs, you’re gasping for air through your nose and your mouth, trying to restore the oxygen that was stolen from you. There’s entirely way too many stairs here. You’re used to a large campus at Ilvermorny, not quite the whole up and down thing at Hogwarts, like the damn moving stairs. Those are straight out of one of your nightmares.

And apparently, they’re not even an acceptable reason for being late. You learned that one the hard way.

Hermione’s already sitting at one of the benches by the time you’ve caught your breath and decided that you’ll join her after all. She’s got her book across her lap, feather in hand, ink next to her on the bench. This means that it’s not her first time coming here… to do what exactly?

“Alright, will I get an explanation from you before I start yelling?”

“No, you’ll have to wait.” She says, patting the seat next to her.

You purse your lips, squinting at her. You still go over to sit down, but cross your arms and stare ahead. It’s a field of some sort, and there’s three large hoops on either end of the field, but they’re so far up in the air that it’d be impossible to reach from the ground unless the object is bewitched. The stands are positioned at this height for a reason. They kind of remind you of football posts, with how open it is. 

You open your mouth, tired of several minutes of silence, with the exception of her feather scratching along the paper. Suddenly, a gush of air blows your hair clear into your face, and surely into Hermione. You can hear her papers try to rip right off the book.

“What the—” You begin, flinging the hair out of your face.

You’re met with the sight of what you think are students on brooms, but you can’t tell because they’re blurred. You can make out red, for Gryffindor, and yellow, for Hufflepuff. As for who are on the brooms, is a completely new story.

“Is this some sort of sport?” You ask, getting up and beginning to walk down the benches to the first row.

“It’s called quidditch. They don’t have it in America?”

“Uh—no.” You mutter, leaning over the side to see who’s flying in the air. “Not that I know of.”

You squint, searching to find Harry’s dark hair, and three redheads. One of which is grinning at you cheekily, who looks strikingly like Ron. You tell yourself that he’s going to get it later in the common room. You’ll strangle him to death for messing up your hair after spending so long on it.

The game has started, it seems. The smile disappears from Ron’s face, suddenly serious and focused on what’s going on. You can’t make it out, they’re all whizzing around, until you see a ball, and then another. They’re moving erratically, and the students are ducking out of the way, another one of them hits the ball, sending it to the other side of the field.

You can’t help the smile that comes over your face. You stand there for fifteen minutes, unmoving, studying the way they hit the balls, chase after them, and earn points. One of them gets knocked in the head, and all they do is straighten their helmet and return to the game.

“Are you going to sit down?” Hermione asks with a laugh.

“What if I miss something?”

“We could be here for hours, (Y/n). The game ends when they catch the snitch.”

You turn to her, “What’s a snitch?”

“It’s a small golden ball, it’s like a hummingbird. It’s nearly impossible to catch, that’s why they need talented seekers.”

“Seekers.” You echo, “Well, who are the seekers out there?”

“Harry’s the Gryffindor seeker.” 

“And Ron?”

“Ron’s the keeper, he keeps the balls from going through the hoops.”

Now that you’re thinking about it, you’re sure that America has a team. They just don’t have quidditch at Ilvermorny, probably because that defies the whole unity thing and it’ll create issues between Houses. Here, though, it doesn’t matter, because everyone loathes each other, anyway.

It’s cool, and a sure way to get yourself hurt. That’s why there’s a hospital here, so they can heal you here instead of shipping you back home. You’re not sure how your parents will feel about something so dangerous, but you’ll just tell them it makes you happy, and they’ll shut up.

“Do they have a girls team?” You ask.

“Professionally? Of course they do.” Hermione smiles.

You shake your head, “No, here, at Hogwarts. Is there a separate girls team? I’m not seeing any girls out there.”

“Oh, no.” She says, setting her feather down, “They normally just play together. Angelina Jognson is out there, she’s the Gryffindor captain.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” You ask, excitement bubbling in your throat, “How do I get in?”

“Well, it’s too late to get in this year, I think. Tryouts were around October, and the first game was against Slytherin in November. This is our second game, and our third will be in May with Ravenclaw.”

“You only have three official games?” Your face twists, “What do they do for the rest of the year?”

“Practice.” She shrugs.

“Practice.” You mock, turning around to face the game again. “You said the captain was Angelina Johnson?”

“(Y/n), I don’t think they’re going to let you tryout this late.”

“The worst she can say is no.” You tell Hermione, “But I can be pretty convincing.”

—

“No.” Angelina tells you. She’s turned away, polishing the leather of her quidditch uniform. “It’s too late for you to join.”

“I’m not saying I want to join in the middle of the season, but I would like to try out to see what it’s like.” You sit on the bench. Their version of a locker room is a tent with a few lockers and a chalkboard. You’d hate to see the inside after it’s rained.

“Tryouts will be in October next year.”

“Yeah, but everyone will have an advantage. I’m just a transfer student.”

She pauses for a second, and then turns to you with a twisted face. “Doesn’t Ilvermorny have quidditch?”

“No, we don’t. I don’t even know how we have teams.”

She makes a face, thinking about it. She wipes some of the polish with a rag, before hanging the uniform in her locker. You can see a piece of red tape at the top of the inside of the door, with her name written on in neat handwriting. You guess it makes for an easy clean up when she graduates and they elect a new captain.

She lets out a sigh, “You’re lucky I told the team to stick around because we need to have a meeting.”

You sit up, “Is that a yes?”

“It’s only for an hour.” She holds up her finger. “Find a uniform that fits, take a spare broom, and meet me out on the field. We’ll see what you can do, and if I think we can shape you up, I’ll give you a chance during the Ravenclaw game.”

“Yes!” You cheer, getting to your feet, “You won’t regret it, I promise.”

“I hope not.” She mutters, “You have fifteen minutes.”

From the second she steps out of the tent, you’re scurrying around to find a uniform that fits. It’s fairly easy, you pull it on, tighten the straps, put on knee pads, and the shin covers. You fix the boots to make them more comfortable. There’s an extra broom along the wall that you take. 

You take a deep breath, calming yourself, before you leave the tent, a smirk on your face. Hermione thought you had no chance against Angelina. Mainly because she can be strict, especially when it comes to quidditch. Fortunately, you figured out a long time ago that people have soft spots, and you just need to target them.

“(Y/n)?” You hear Ron shout. You give him a wave. “What are you doing?”

“Trying quidditch.” You wiggle your eyebrows, “I was curious.”

Angelina quickly cuts off your conversation by launching into rules and explanations. What you can and can’t do on the field. What each position means. What the balls are meant for, and how many points they can score. You let her explain all of this, taking in as much information as you can. 

After that, you find yourself on the broom, hundreds of feet in the air, practicing with your friends. Angelina wants you to do a number of tasks so she can properly assess your skill level, where you can improve, and your potential in the future. You dodge, hit and catch. You communicate with your friends, and people you’ve just met. 

You can tell by the look on her face that she wants to accept you. She’s already pulled the twins aside three times to talk to them. And each time, she’s got her eyes on you while she speaks. In the meantime, you fly over to Hermione, where she sits without her study set.

“No longer studying?” You tease.

Her face turns a gentle shade of red, “I couldn’t focus.”

“Why?” You raise your eyebrows, already knowing what she’s going to say.

“You.” She admits. “You’re fun to watch. Harry and Ron are different.”

“That’s not the only reason.” You smile.

“You don’t know that.” 

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

I'm rewatching Ben 10 UA and I've got a bone to pick with Aggregor

He's a good villain, don't get me wrong, but there's something about his whole arc that just irks me

The season starts off pretty well, with us finding out that Aggregor has kidnapped 5 aliens from their home planets with the intention of absorbing their powers

Why, you may ask? Well, he wants to absorb them so that he can gain the abilities to go after what he truly wants, the mcguffin

If you need a refresher, the mcguffin is the Map of Infinity

I usually don't mind when a show or a season is built around this artifact that the audience has never heard of and a sudden lore that's created behind it even though I know it annoys alot of people

I really couldn't care less that this was never mentioned before because it's meant to be top secret

Kevin mentions in the episode Map of Infinity s1e11 that he thought it was just a myth, meaning that, to a certain extent, people knew about it

So, I put aside my argument about Aggregor knowing of it's existence. I'll just assume that he found the legend interesting so did some further research only to find out that it's actually true.

That's a fair reasoning.

Now this map will lead him to a place called the Forge of Creation, the birthplace of Alien X, where he wants to absorb the powers of that alien and gain some form of omnipotence

But the problem lies in the fact that the map of infinity was divided into 4 pieces and hidden by Professor Paradox

This is actually a really great premise and I like everything about it

My problem lies with it's execution

My first grievance, HOW THE HELL DOES AGGREGOR KNOW WHERE THE PIECES ARE?!

The pieces are hidden in Mikd'lty, Piscciss, Legerdomain and the Perplexahedron, respectively

Now, I'm REALLY going to try and give this the benefit of the doubt

Let's assume that the pieces of the map can guide you, so if you have one piece, it can lead you to the other pieces that are scattered across the universe

This would explain why Ben and the gang have no idea where the pieces are and usually just end up chasing Aggregor to wherever he goes to find the piece, as seen for piece 2 and 3 s1e13e14

My problem is how the hell did Aggregor know where to find the first piece?

If Paradox really did hide the piece and he's the only person in the entire universe that actually knows where the pieces were, how the hell did Aggregor know where the first piece was?

The thing I found odd in the case of the first piece was that, oddly, Ben and the gang were the first ones to go after it. I'm thinking that while Ben was on the planet of Mikd'lty, his omnitrix acted like a beacon for Aggregor to follow

In which case, this would mean that there was no need for Ben to go there at all because Aggregor didn't know where it was and he wouldn't have found it out unless Ben hadn't gone there first

And you're telling me Paradox and Azmuth didn't know this!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?

IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE

PARADOX IS THE ONLY BEING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE THAT KNOWS WHERE THE PIECES ARE

EVEN AZMUTH DIDN'T KNOW

HOW THE HELL DID AGGREGOR KNOW WHERE TO GO?

My second problem, the perplexehedron

That's a really good episode if I'm being honest, I love the traps and the logic behind it

But my problem starts with the fact that Aggregor is simply let in by the place because he has 3 pieces of the map

WHY!?

WHY IS A PLACE THAT IS DESIGNED TO PROTECT THE FINAL PIECE FROM SOMEONE WHO IS COLLECTING THE PIECES ALLOW SOMEONE WHO HAS THE OTHER 3 PIECES AND IS CLEARLY COLLECTING THEM GO THROUGH NO PROBLEM?!

like you'd assume the pieces of the map are enough to guide him through the perplexahedron but no

He faces the same traps that Ben and the gang do and even reaches the final piece after them

SO WHY LET HIM THROUGH IN THE FIRST PLACE

I JUST DON'T GET IT

and then he does manage to get all 4 pieces and you think that all is lost because the forge of creation is hidden from everyone except those who have the map

BUT WAIT

Paradox knows exactly where it is and can thus take Ben and friends there

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Like Paradox is the most annoying character to ever exist

IF YOU KNEW WHERE THE FORGE OF CREATION WAS WHY BOTHER WITH THE MAP

WHY NOT JUST DESTROY THE MAP?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HIDE IT AWAY IN THE FIRST PLACE?! LIKE WHAT WAS THE POINT

I ACTUALLY DO NOT GET IT

if someone understands why please let me know

So long story short

Paradox knew where the forge of creation was and hid it, creating a map that can show it's location before dividing it into 4 pieces and hiding it across the universe

but for what? if he already knew where the forge of creation was, why create a map to find it later anyway? like you already know where it is and if anyone wants to go there, they'd have to run it by you first

WHY BOTHER WITH THE DUMBASS MAP

AND WHY DOES AZMUTH KNOW ABOUT ALL OF THIS?!

like that was another thing i never understood

why does azmuth know where the 4th piece is hidden?

I get that he's the smartest being in 3-5 galaxies but he's hardly king of the universe

why does he get a free pass?

someone tell me

because I'm not able to concentrate on this season without getting annoyed about all of this

also, let's not forget that this could have all been nipped at the bud? If you remember in Alien Force s3e11 Kevin and Mike Morningstar stumble across the Dominus librium which can be used to take away an Osmosians ability to absorb shit

So had they used this they could've taken away Aggregors ability to absorb it before he ever absorbed those aliens and problem solved

But, you might say that the dominus librium was just an artifact used in that one episode and never mentioned again, a problem that a lot of shows face but NO

THEY BRING IT BACK AGAIN AT THE END OF THE SEASON TO HELP SAVE KEVIN

SO WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT

[coeluvr]

A neutral opinion incoming about how Helios went about arranging the chance to visit Vesphire. I can see why some are for and others are against his intervention, so both sides have grounds for existing.

Between my own two MC, one did see what Helios did as a positive because against the odds they're now having a moment to go home, even if it will be shortlived. But the other one saw what he did in a negative light, because not only had they lost their love for Vesphire and have no desire to be reminded of the place that abandoned them, but Helios made that choice for them, which reminded them of Lancelot and Luceris, ending up rubbing them the wrong way in every direction available.

Me, as someone reading the story, though? Helios' intervention was sorely needed, even if one can criticize the way he did it. Luceris would never on his own think to let MC go to Vesphire for any reason that doesn't benefit him and though he loves Lancelot, I can't see any scenario where he actually listened to his Shield if he had been the one to suggest it or if said Shield would even debate strongly enough to see that Luceris did it. It needed to be Helios to argue for MC to go to Vesphire because he's the one in the strongest position to do so. Also, with Luceris keeping frustratingly silent about any information that may be vital to MC, this chance to go to Vesphire without him breathing down their neck could led to discovering the things he's hiding from them and the things even he may not be aware of.

From a more objective point of view I can also agree that Helios' intervention (?) was definitely needed because Luceris honestly doesn't listen to anyone as much as he listens to Helios.

And with the way Helios went about it, Luceris couldn't exactly say no since it would be breaking his word to his son and he just can't do that.

I always thought that MC needed to get away and know more of the world and just be free for a while to hopefully heal themselves even a little bit and being near Luceris just didn't allow for that to happen.

So yeah, all of this needed to happen but obviously MC is able to have their own thoughts and feelings on the matter since Helios did go about it in a way that can make MC feel even more powerless, like a toy that's moved around without care.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 3: breathe

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 3: breathe

In this bit, I get explicit about some of the stuff implied by Ire's behaviour, last chapter. Which I have mixed feelings about now, because it reads very blunt and tell-not-show and whatever, but... oh, well. At other times I'm maybe not obvious enough with character's internal processes, and the reader should at least understand the terms Ire uses for his own issues. This is all stuff Ire is self-aware about and he's currently reflecting on it, so fine, let's set out Iriel's psychological stall.

only distantly registering the wet ground soaking through his pants.

Wait, no, let's talk about his pants, because alexgaretti dragged me about this later, and I deserve it - why did I convert everything else about the narration into my native British English spellings, but then keep saying "pants" instead of "trousers"? I DON'T KNOW, OKAY, IT JUST FELT WRONG. Pants are how leg-things are labelled in the Morrowind game! Common pants, extravagant pants, it's all pants! People wear pants, that's just how it is. I felt weird enough spelling "bonemould" with a U, leave me alone.

Imprisonment, he knew, was part of it. Of course it had affected him, he had been foolish to expect otherwise. Ridiculous to think he could simply pick up his life where he had left off.

There are obvious reasons why Bethesda games never do anything further with their habitual gambit of starting your character as a prisoner - the player should get to decide who their character is, and how they react! The game isn't going to force you to consider that a character who has been in jail for any length of time (especially delicate, cruelly-framed prisoner characters) may have been wildly traumatised by this experience, and may have difficulty adjusting to being suddenly given their freedom.

Fanfic is the trauma-processing place, though, so naturally we all love having carte blanche to let our characters be really messed up by it.

He offended someone by staring at them? Why? How many seconds were you allowed to look at someone? Wait, not looking at them could be rude too? How could anyone figure out this stuff? If they couldn’t even explain to him how to do it right, why tell him he was doing it wrong?

This chapter is where people started asking me if Iriel has autism. Which I still don't have a concrete answer for! Partly because I'm not sure a fictional character benefits from that kind of word-of-god authorial specificity, when you could just let readers decide, and relate to him however they want to. But also because if Ire's autistic, then probably I'm autistic, and it's not like I'm against the concept, but I really don't know! When I was writing HTDC, I labelled a lot of my behaviours as social anxiety, because they primarily manifested when I was under stress. It blew my mind slightly when someone said to me, "what if it's just that being under stress removes your ability to mask?". I'm still thinking about that one, to be honest, but I'll spare you my non-conclusions, here.

Then he hit adolescence, and it turned out that everything prior had just been the warm-up act for being a queer teenager completely unequipped to conceal this fact from his incomprehending parents and conservative town.

While I'm still vaguely irritated by this chapter, at least we didn't get all this backstory as actual written chapters, right? Gotta start in media res. Gotta skip to the bits that matter for this story. 

Also, we don't need to have the boring argument about whether it's more radical/regressive to write fantasy queer utopias, or to recreate systems of oppression in fantasy worlds, right? Of course people can do either, do both, do whatever suits their purpose and is interesting.

I've read some amazing fic* set in Summerset, where homosexuality was an accepted and valued part of society. That approach is totally valid! It just didn't fit what I wanted to do, here, so my headcanons are different.

Based on what I'd inferred about Altmer values (I don't know ESO, don't talk to me about ESO), homophobia as a default in that society does seem very plausible to me. Summerset is a culture where bloodlines (and so heterosexual procreative pairings) are obsessively cultivated. Your blood is who you are, it’s fixed and unalterable, and if you’re acting (or fucking) against the overall societal interest, there must be something wrong with you and your blood.

According to a first-era emissary to the Altmer isles: "Breeding outside the pure line is a terrible, unthinkable crime, and taken as prima facia evidence of the tainted blood of the individual in question- if they were, they wouldn't have the impulse to do it. Exile to the mainland is regarded as equivalent to a death sentence, since there is no purpose in living outside their ideal society."

Now, we have to take this with a heavy pinch of salt. He goes on to write: "They have no real names of their own, only combinations of numbers that, when spoken aloud, sound to human ears as such. They feel no real tenderness for one another and have no concept of compassion." So, as with any TES text: biased source. But I think it's reasonable to assume that the Altmer do care a lot about purity of bloodlines, since this theme reoccurs elsewhere.

* Exhibit A: In Pedo Impedimenta, which is hands-down the best Summerset fic around, and in terms of wildly imaginative headcanons, one of the best TES fics, full stop. It's... a lot. It's unfinished, but you should read it anyway.

He had a plan: the Crystal Tower. Get there, he told himself, and everything will be all right. And then he did… and it wasn’t.

The fic I linked above, In Pedo Impedimenta, is set in the 4th era, and has a scene in which an Imperial tries to make a politely regretful remark about the tragic destruction of the Crystal Tower during the Oblivion Crisis. He is blindsided by how even the slightest mention sucks the air out of the room, sending half the Altmer into tearful, traumatised paroxysms of shock, while others barely restrain themselves from murdering him. The level of social faux pas is off the charts, basically. Altmer grief for the Tower is fathomless, because the Crystal Tower represented the Altmer people, was their heart, soul, ancestral memory, you name it. A symbol of Altmeri perfection.

Iriel revered the Tower from childhood, grew up struggling to prove himself worthy. Getting accepted there was a validation of his entire being, evidence that whatever anyone else thought, he was capable of touching, representing and embodying that perfection. Getting expelled, therefore, was equally personal.

Intellectually, Iriel knows there were petty, down-to-earth reasons for his expulsion, but that sort of symbolism is hard to shake.

Speaking of symbolism, according to ESO, the Crystal Tower looks like this. Yes, I know. I hate it, I had not seen this when I wrote about it, and I honestly refuse to accept it. I wanted it to be a symbol of Iriel's pure desire for knowledge and intellectual advancement, but SOME PEOPLE want to make everything he does into a sex joke. I hate it, and I don't care that it's got a nice safe flared base.

Invisibility potions require diamonds - too expensive to make a habit of. Ire began to practice invisibility cantrips obsessively. [...] Gradually, he discovered that more subtle and specialised effects were possible with illusion, allowing him to adjust his “dosage” according to the situation.

Illusion magic! Already, it's being framed as a sort of drug, with dosages and expensive dependency. Iriel makes this framing himself, and later mutters sarcastically about his addictive personality. But what is he trying to medicate away? Short answer: himself. Physically or mentally can vary. I told people from the start: the title of the fic was never metaphorical.

Depending on the alchemical properties of the bog, corpses could either remain perfectly preserved indefinitely, or decompose to skeletons in mere hours. He suspected that he was not the former.

Iriel has a terrible phobia of skeletons and bones, though I don't think I knew that yet, when I wrote this line. But this is the crux of it: bones are what's left, when everything else has been taken away, all the soft, pretty, fleshy nonsense that buffers our inmost selves from the outside world. Bones have nowhere to hide. And, to Iriel at least, they are fucking horrid.

But Iriel, we could say, what's the alternative? That corpses don't decompose? That dead people stay the same forever, and never really leave? Isn't that differently horrid? I got really obsessed with this theme, later, something Morrowind's burial customs makes easy.

Sinilakki drew Iriel being all translucent in the swamp.

Perhaps I shouldn't have said Iriel had a psychological stall. Stalls don't move, and the entire point of a character-driven narrative is to move a character, right? How are we moving them? On rails, like a train? Self-driven, or carried passenger? That has to change, too, right?

Around half-way through writing HTDC, I made a notes document, trying to clarify to myself what kind of story I was trying to tell. I did it by defining the sort of story I wasn't trying to tell, and I'm just gonna copy-paste it all here, stream-of-consciousness non-capitalisation and all:

not a coming of age story

ire knows who he is (that's kinda the problem), he's an adult now, whatever the fuck that means.

it's about what happens next, how he can fit this adult self of his into the world (can he? does he want to? what kind of world? there are many.) what does it mean to be normal, does he want that? why/why not?

if he fits in, what will that cost him? if he walks away from everything, what will that cost him? what does he value most? could he still change? should he? what would that cost? are these cost estimates of his accurate?? how is even mental accounting???

how mutable is his identity, his self-image, the image he projects? which one is real, are any of them real? is he a trick of the light, reflecting false images with nothing behind it at all? smoke and mirrors.

not a coming out story

ire's out to his family (he's never had much choice about it) and he's past all that terrified self-realisation, first love/lust bit, past the initial horror of it. the worst already happened, in terms of his family and his old life, it's dead and gone, and he survived. and he's bored now. bored and bitter. because it ought to get easier, and it doesn't. "it gets better" got him through his teens. but he's still waiting, and nothing fucking changes, or rather, it got worse. where is his community? is that a thing? and while plenty of this is beyond his control, part of it is internal. Ire maintains, on a logical, rational, principled level, that there's nothing wrong with his sexuality, and that what happened wasn't his fault, that he was badly treated, that he deserves the same right to love and be happy as anyone. HOWEVER. it's not as simple as that. he's been deeply psychologically damaged by homophobia, it has claws in his self esteem that he can't seem to shift. he worries he can't maintain a healthy relationship because of it. worries he can't have a healthy relationship with himself.

not a romance

it's not about iriel falling in love with someone truly, madly, deeply, permanently happy ever after. it's certainly not about a relationship fixing his problems, if anything it gives him more.

it is about relationships, in particular his changing relationship with julan, and the ways it makes him examine himself and how he interacts, and what he wants from another person. What he did wrong in the past, and what he needs to stop blaming himself for. And what his partners need from him, and how he can learn to meet those needs, should he choose to do so. about that negotiation. about failing at it, about screwing things up really badly, on both sides, and where that ends up. about trying to fix things. about what you can/should forgive, what you can't, and what forgiveness means. about recognising when to hold on to someone and when to let go.

what is preventing iriel from building healthy relationships? from feeling, expressing and receiving love? how does this change? what kinds of relationships/people are good for him?

not a tragedy

ire's been through enough shit, and doesn't really believe happiness is likely. this is not about proving him right. it's not about giving him a happy ending on a plate either, his is not a journey of one step, and this story is limited in scope. but it's about managing loss & moving forward.

ok so what is it?

it is about survival and growth. how ire is paralysed by his trauma, and resists change, and the ways he struggles to get past this. to take control of himself & be more than a product of his past & his conditions. to make choices, not be swept along/reacting. to find ways of being in the world and engaging with it.

its about ire's coping mechanisms. what they are, why he has them, how they help him, how some of them damage or restrict him. whether he needs them, or can replace them, reconfigure them, drop them entirely. the things you do to survive are not the things you do to get free. how can ire move from survival to getting free?

it's about surviving, and then about surviving/outgrowing the person you had to become in order to survive.

All aboard, guarfuckers! We've got 197 miles of bad road!

next: 4: falling previous: 2: labels

[astrobolical]

A (Hopefully) Helpful Guide to What in "Hell" is Bad?

Part 6 - Secret Club (Adore), Secret Club (Unholy Board), Hell-Oh! Talk

Last Updated: Oct 30, 2023

I have a mild love of documentation (okay, it’s a problem) and I find it fun— so here we go! I’ve hopefully written out most of the options you’ll encounter while playing, as I know it’s been a confusing start with the game coming out in the state that it did.

And let’s be real here, most gacha-style games can feel overwhelming at first, especially if you’re new to them overall. It happens, and with all the questions I’ve seen floating about, I wanted to maybe help someone out, as well as have some fun. Or this’ll flop, either way, still fun.

There will absolutely be things I’ve missed, or glossed over— or even gotten wrong— so feel free to ask about anything, tell me things, or correct me.

For full transparency— I have spent money on this game, but I have not “whaled” whatsoever. I wanted to test certain things, and I have a strong sense of curiousity.

Looking for another part of the game? Check out the other parts:

Part 1 - General Overview, Achievements and Contracts

Part 2 - My Devils, Levelling, Skills and Artifacts

Part 3 - Chapters, Levels and Dark Sanctuary

Part 4 - Unit Types, Elements, Battle Boards & Battle Tips

Part 5 - Shop, Secret Shop, Inventory and Management

Part 6 - You Are Here!

What is the Secret Club?

The secret club is where you can give some extra attention to your L-Grade devils! They are the only ones you’ll find here, and there’s a couple things that we can do.

From here you can access or view:

Unholy Board - Extra benefits for your devils, we’ll touch on this in a bit

Ero Lv. - This goes up the more you adore your devils

Icons of Actions - Below the exp bar there’s four circular icons, showing how often you’ve used actions in those categories during Adore

Chibi - A little chibi of the L-Grade Devil (there’s a reason it’s here, I’ll show you soon)

Devil Select - Scroll through your L-Grade Devils— you have to have them to adore them!

Adore - Costs 15AP, but is quite an interesting interaction…

Let’s look at “Adore”

It’s a bit more than adoration, and I don’t recommend having your volume on while playing this if you’re in earshot of anyone who may think you’re listening to something a bit less… tame. These boys are vocal!

The game is going to ask you to do this at least once daily within your achievements— and you’ll also find the Unholy Board sometimes asks for it as well.

While adoring your chosen devil, you’ll be brought to an interaction screen.

What can you do here?

This is where you can touch your chosen devil in various ways.

On the left side you’ll have a close up of your devil’s face (in this case Mammon), his expressions are going to change as you ‘adore’ him.

On the right there’s a bit more to do— let’s take a look.

Two bars (empty and black above) towards the middle of the screen — these are what you want to fill, however you only want the right one to fill completely. It shows as blue as it fills in most reactions, and the left shows red

White Circles — These circles come off of certain areas of your devil, depending on what action you have selected. These are the interactive areas, tap on one to see what reaction he gives!

Circular Action Icons — These will show you your options for interacting, click on the circles for more options within them— some are locked, though! We’ll get to how to unlock more options when we cover the Unholy Board

Reactions? Bars?

Reactions

Indeed! Depending on where you touch, there’s two different things you’ll see.

Regular - The bars will fill with red and blue respectively

Rainbow (shown above) - The bars will both fill with a ‘rainbow’ reaction— this is the good spot, apparently! Finding this reaction will reward you with items as you fill the bars (not letting the bars fill entirely will allow you to continue getting items, if you want). It’s not a ton of rewards, but it’s something!

Wait— what about the bars? What?

Right, right, that’s important, actually!

You do not want to fill the bar on the left, ever. This bar fills faster than the right one (which is why it’s more filled in the screenshot), but filling it will not satisfy your devil. You want to tap intermittently to steadily fill the RIGHT bar, which fills significantly slower.

Completely fill the bar on the right and your devil will be satisfied.

Once again, I sincerely do not recommend having your volume on when using this function if you’re around people you’re not comfortable with hearing some risqué voices.

Basically— look for the rainbow reaction, and enjoy adoring your devil.

Hang on!! I can’t use this with people around??! Look at him!!

PrettyBusy thought of that, too! If you’re not in an area you want to be looking at a devil in all his glory then click the three-lined icon in the top-right corner and select the icon that has a “12” on it.

You’ll get his little chibi I mentioned, instead!

The screen is much more simple, but hey at least you can do it around people, right?

Secret Club - Unholy Board

Each L-Grade devil comes with his own Unholy Board, which gives him some benefits as well as unlocks some nice story or additional actions for you! It’s essentially a skill tree, with different requirements per node. It’s really simple, thankfully! When you’ve accomplished something, you’ll get a little notification (but it won’t tell you which devils board it was on…).

What does it want from me?

It will ask for things like:

Win a battle with this character participating x times

Enter x amount of Pure Gold

Achieve Ultimate/Skill level x

Satisfy this character in Secret Club (Adore) x times

Enter x amount of [Promotion Material] (Varies)

Reach x level

Promote character

Use the shop x times

Defeat a boss monster in Dark Sanctuary x times

There may be more, however this encompasses most of what you’ll find, especially early on (I have not completed my devils skill trees at the time of writing this).

Okay… what does it give me?

Oh! This is easy, mostly it gives your devil benefits, but I’ll some things out for you. (Once again, this list may not be every single reward you may find.)

Increasing a stat

Decrease DMG taken from a certain attribute

Acquire Story— a special story for your L-Grade Devil, you’ll unlock it over the course of his Unholy Board

Adore Actions— unlock new actions to use during adore such as Slap, Holding Horn & Shake, etc

Increase skill duration — at least of passive skills

It’s honestly worth it to pick away at it as you can— L-Grade devils are worth the effort, given how strong they are. Increasing their stats or resistances is always worth it— plus, getting a unique story for them, and more actions for adore is worth it, too.

Hell-Oh! Talk

This is just a simple chat functionality where devils will send you messages from time to time. You’ll usually receive three over the course of a day from one devil.

Like most text messages, you get a little notification saying who it’s from, and the start of the message itself. You can either click “Go” to follow it immediately, or access it later by selecting Hell-Oh! Talk on the Home Screen.

Once you do, you’ll see a list of all the messages you’ve received— find the one that says “You have a new message” and you’ll begin the conversation. These are always short and sweet— so they won’t take you long at all. Typically you’re also able to send a response to the first part of the message.

Once you reply they’ll finish what they want to say, influenced by your response. Once complete, you’ll get a single Guilty Gem— but hey, some of their messages are honestly very cute, like Leraye just being so happy to have the ability to message you.

(Ignore Leviathan and his angry emoji, he’s fine.)

I honestly really love seeing who’ll be texting each day.

Oh! You can also see their profiles.

By selecting horned devil icon on the left hand side, above the chat one, you can see their very simple profiles. Just their icon, status message and number of exchanged messages with you!

If they’re your devil of the day, there will also be a bar along the bottom telling you a rough estimate of when to expect their messages.

And that’s that! Wow, finally reached the end of Part 6! Originally I was going to include an item list in a Part 7… but I wasn’t sure if that was really needed. Is there anything else I should touch on? Devils, individual artifacts, items, I thought of them, but wasn’t sure if they’d be overall useful.

Hopefully all this helped someone out!

[zodiactalks]

These 4 Zodiac Signs NEVER FORGIVE

Forgiveness is hard for everyone. Especially when the person who wronged you isn’t remorseful about their actions.

Some can forgive and forget, while others forgive, but never forget. And of course, some will never forgive at all.

They can give the appearance that they are fine with the person. Though things will never quite be the same. All trust and love will be lost. 

Let’s take a look at the top four zodiac signs that never forgive for wrongs done to them.

#1. Leo

Leo has a strong sense of self-worth. They know their value and their boundaries. When someone crosses a line with them, they effectively become dead to Leo.

They will make it obvious they don’t like being around the person who has wronged them. Body language, blunt comments, and physically leaving the space are all likely. Leo isn’t going to be around someone with bad energy.

The person may be expelled from the friend group if they hurt Leo. This is because Leo won’t bother holding back all the details from the other friends. 

And if what they did was bad enough to make Leo unable to forgive them, then it’s likely everyone will follow suit. 

Leo is a leader of their friend groups. There is a pride mentality that if the leader is hurt, everyone is. 

Once the person is gone, they will never be spoken of again.

#2. Taurus

Once Taurus has been pushed past their infinite patience, they can hold a grudge forever.

Taurus is a zodiac sign that when their loyalty is lost it can be felt like a physical blow. It is hard to hurt a Taurus beyond repair. If someone manages to do so, it is impossible to come back from.

There will be no more forgiveness or chances. Taurus gave them so many, and yet the person chose to ignore them and continue the bad behavior. 

Taurus is an odd blend of passive-aggressive and truthful bluntness. They don’t enjoy conflict but will be very matter-of-fact after a while. 

If it had gotten to the point that Taurus became unable to forgive someone, chances are they told them in detail what was bothering them. Many, many times.

Certain zodiac signs can be pushed past their limit, Taurus is not one of them.

Taurus is tired of giving the person the benefit of the doubt. And now they are done with forgiveness. 

#3. Cancer

Cancer doesn’t think anyone deserves a second chance. 

Cancer believes that if someone intentionally makes a decision that they know would hurt them, they don’t deserve forgiveness.

It is likely the person knows exactly what they did. And Cancer will drop them like a hot pan. Why hold onto something that is burning you? 

Cancer has often been told they need to be more forgiving. Usually by people who have crossed the line with them before, and are looking to do it again. 

Cancer isn’t interested in allowing people who hurt them back in. They are fully aware of when people are trying to use them. 

Cancer is almost psychically aware of others’ intentions. They can feel when others try to use them, that they will overstep boundaries, or are self-serving. 

And that’s before Cancer is friends with them. 

Once friendship is established Cancer will give them no more than one chance to stay in their good graces.

If they prove Cancer’s initial assessment of them was wrong, there is no going back.

#4. Scorpio

Scorpio is selective of their circle.

They aren’t offended by people outside it getting nasty with them. They aren’t a trusted confidant. 

But when a close friend genuinely hurts Scorpio, there will be no forgiveness. 

Scorpio is careful who they give trust, loyalty, and love too. When that is thrown back in their face, it hurts Scorpio more than the person could know. 

And it is likely to scar Scorpio in a way that will never let them look at other people the same way again. There will always be a mistrust of others no matter how close they get.

The lack of forgiveness extends to everyone, not just the one person who hurt them. Scorpio has a natural me vs the world mentality. It’s multiplied tenfold every time a friend or loved one hurts them. 

They don’t want to be so isolated. For as much as Scorpio likes alone time, they don’t want to be lonely. 

Feeling misunderstood and disconnected is painful for Scorpio. It’s their calling in life to try and find a group that accepts them. Which can begin to feel more and more impossible when friends cause them pain.

Scorpio never forgets what caused them to feel alone and can’t find it in themselves to forgive the people who pushed them there.

[battlekilt]

What is the meaning of one character... to any of us?

If anyone thinks it is cringe that I run my blog with an obvious theme, which is GFFA from my Clone King's perspective, I think they may need to reflect upon the things that they decide to judge others on.

If anyone thinks that Captain Rex is boring, then I am not going to change their mind. The fandom has plenty of people who are allowed to fixate on Cody or Fox, while I feel pressured to pick a different clone to be transfixed on. My apologies to these individuals, but Rex is just my favorite. By this point, he has remained my favorite for two years.

Sure, there are plenty of other characters I love and can talk about endlessly. I love Wolffe, Obi-Wan, Anakin, Cody, Fox, Plo, Fives, Echo—the list could go on and on and on and on and on, and it continues to grow as more people share the love they have for their own.

Yet, it is Rex who has entertained me and tickled my brain for two years. He has been an excellent litmus test for those that I want to humor as a friend.

I will tag things from his POV. I will talk mostly about ships with him; the fact that I do ship him with so many people is a huge development for me—I come from a fandom culture where OTP meant you shipped one ship, especially for either character. It took time to adjust to the idea that OTP can now mean a favorite ship.

No shade, but I just don't really have an interest in most ships that do not have Rex. Sure, there are a few mild exceptions, but none are ones that I am heavily involved in. Once I ship Rex with a character, I am not interested in seeing that same character with anyone else. This is likely remnants of the era when OTP was a hard-definition. I will follow and engage with people, and block the content I don't want to see.

Rex is the narrative mechanism I explore GFFA. I don't do reader or self-insert; I am not an interesting character, nor would I want to engage directly. I'd rather be an omnipotent puppet-master that pulls at strings, and quite obviously... I have a favorite puppet, and that remains Rex. Look how well he dances on these strings.

So, love and support from me to other fellow fans that have a One True Character—thank you to the person who introduced that term to me—and hold fast to it.

PS. Fans with other One True Characters are great. Their energy and vibe are so wonderful to be around, especially if they will sit and share the love they have with their character. They are some of my favorite fans. They are a wealth of knowledge about their special characters. Their love and devotion is infectious, and enlightening. They make great friends because it is like being an academic of one specialty, and having the benefit of an expert in another specialty.

Some OTCers*/** that I think deserve some love:

Obi-Wan: @ninjigma Anakin: @spacingstars, @husborth, @vaitiara, @jebiknights, @anakinsafterlife Thrawn: @blackmonitor Bo-Katan/Satine Kryze: @isaakandreyevs Boba Fett: @acatalystrising, @galozima Cody: @patchmates, @delicateclouddetective Echo: @ann-i-inthestars Bacara/Nova Corps: @floatingvampire

(besties are emphasized.)

* If you feel I got your OTC wrong, let me know! Though, this is just the one true character I associate you with.

** If you would like to be on this list, let me know!

There are plenty of others that I talk to on Discord, and just don't know how to credit them here.

[themissingnumbers]

Hey, y’all! I just had a couple questions, if that’s okay.

First, the idea of Legendary Pokémon being seen as Deities/Religious Figures is cool as heck. I would love to see that expanded upon at some point. But anyways, onto the question. You said that the Legendaries can only be caught when they want to be, but can they be forcefully captured by Master Balls? Or are they immune to all forms of capture via Pokéball?

Second was about MissingNo/Ketsuban. Is MissingNo sentient? It was said in the “Types of Glitch/Anomaly” thing that Malfunctions like MissingNo are “the most unfiltered version of a Glitch’s will,” and as a result, are the most malicious. Does (he? she? they? it?) it have a goal when it comes to corrupting things? Or is it its chaotic nature that makes it so dangerous?

(Would it be wrong of me to think of/see MissingNo as some sort of a parasite?)

[Master Balls, I imagine, are something of a hot topic because they can catch any Pokemon- including legendaries. It's why they're so rare- not only because an item that powerful is so difficult to manufacture, but because of the moral arguments of a Pokemon captured so forcibly, and potential for misuse.

Pokemon and humans live harmoniously- they give each other assistance and benefits when working together. Often, a wild Pokemon that is caught allows itself to be caught and choses to follow its trainer, once their strength and ability to lead is proven to it in a battle (though the effectiveness of a used pokeball still is a factor).

Legendaries take this to the highest extreme. Often in the games- particularly the box legendaries- they'll be captured at the peak of the story, where working with the protagonist is necessary to stop a greater evil. At this point, they've likely been watching for a while, having seen the hero's heart for what it is. The battle in which you can catch them, in my mind, serves as a "final trial-" to weaken it before it officially joins your party, having deemed you worthy and aligned with its goal, duty, desires, etc! Effectively, this means the protagonist is something of a chosen one. Fun, huh?

Postgame legendaries and mythicals, I imagine, follow a similar rule- it's a matter of, you've already proven your strength, and they are willing to bow if you seek them out.

However, I do believe most of this is a temporary arrangement. They've still got a duty to fufill in most cases, whatever that may be- they'll follow, obey, and remain allied with a chosen trainer, but I think that often soon after their journey ends, they'll head their seperate ways and return to the wild. And a good-hearted trainer, like the heroes they would choose, would gladly let them go.

If they don't, these Gods are more than powerful enough to put them in their place and leave by force.

Anyways this is why you can just casually see box and other regional legendaries in seemingly unrelated games later on. They don't remain with one trainer forever (they just still really like that One Guy)!]

[As for MissingNo, well. Can't say much.

But, y'know... All animals have simple goals when it comes down to it.

Survive. Spread. Thrive.]

[... Ace has a lot of theories regarding glitch Pokemon, though. Of course their knowledge is limited, but maybe they'd be good to ask, too!]

[notafunkiller]

First of all, I hope that you’re well and I apologise for the long message!

I wanted to share my thoughts on Sebastian Stan and Annabelle Wallis and their relationship. For me, I personally wasn’t really aware some time ago that he was in a relationship, but when I found out, I was open-minded to see who was on his side. This is in no way any hate; I just wanted to share my thoughts.

I would never say that Annabelle is a bad person. I'm sure she’s kind to her friends and family. But when I think about her behavior in their relationship, it often seems like she’s making regular actions to show that they’re together. In my opinion, if your relationship is secure, you don’t even feel the urge to prove anything to anyone. Additionally, there seems to be very little affection shown towards her from Sebastian, and from what we know and have seen, Sebastian is an affectionate person.

It also appears that she’s frequently looking up information about Sebastian from fan pages or checking up on her ex and their current partners. From my personal view, it rather seems like a PR relationship. I can imagine that it may have turned out not as he thought it would and complicating things.

And what I think is rather strange that people act like she can’t do anything wrong and that she’s innocent. To me, it seems more like she’s calculating situation after situation to maintain control over the public image of their relationship.

And after what I heard in the Deuxmoi podcast some time ago, I was quite confused. Let’s say it isn’t a PR relationship—then this relationship is pretty confusing, if you can even call it a genuine relationship. If you'd like, I can summarize it up for you.

And again sorry for the long message!

Hi, do not apologizeee, please!

I love long messages and I do not think anything you said is direspectful, let alone hateful ❤️

she’s making regular actions to show that they’re together. In my opinion, if your relationship is secure, you don’t even feel the urge to prove anything to anyone. Additionally, there seems to be very little affection shown towards her from Sebastian, and from what we know and have seen, Sebastian is an affectionate person.

YES!!! No one in a secure relationship wants to prove it so badly.

Fans say Sebastian is more "mature and private" (which makes no sense bc you can be mature and private and show affection, lol) bc this relationship is more serious, but after being seen with Annabelle, he was still his old very affectionate self in his interviews with Daisy Edgar-Jones.

To me, it seems more like she’s calculating situation after situation to maintain control over the public image of their relationship.

It's clear to me she does, which brings benefits obviously. He doesn't "allow" (lack of a better word) her to post him for real on her social media, so she does other things.

Let’s say it isn’t a PR relationship—then this relationship is pretty confusing, if you can even call it a genuine relationship. If you'd like, I can summarize it up for you.

I think I know what you mean; they said it's basically not serious and he doesn't consider them an item while she wants more even though she knew form the start the conditions.

For me it's clear they're PR, and tbh, it'd be much much worse if it was real. Because I'd never want my boyfriend of 2 years (they've been dating for 2 years, right?) to display 0 affection, looking like he is forced to be next to me, covering his face, not giving me his hand to hold, not wanting me with him at events etc (stuff he did with his previous girlfriends). If my sister or any of my friends went through this, I'd be livid.

Sebastian doesn't even do the bare minimum, yet people - his own fans do not find it strange.

Please, write and develop as much as you want❤️

[butterfly-in-progress]

Alright, screw it, I’m gonna teach y’all emotional management 101

Emotions are not hysterical nonsense. They are not the antithesis to wisdom or maturity. They are not bad. They are informative. Emotions are like raw data that you need to extrapolate further from. When you learn to identify your emotions and what they’re telling you, you can make wiser decisions.

My happiness when studying something I love and understanding it tells me to continue this course of study. My anger at the decline of native species tells me to work in environmental conservation. My sadness about the struggles a friend is facing tells me that the friend is important to me and I should help them. My nervousness about a presentation tells me that it’s something I need to prepare for and take seriously.

The raw data that an emotion gives you, however, does not paint the whole picture. My friend may say something that makes me angry, but that anger just tells me that what I heard was hurtful and unkind. It doesn’t tell me my friend’s intent behind the words, or what they actually meant. Just because I may not know what they meant, or just because they actually meant something else, does not mean that my anger is something wrong to be repressed. It is the catalyst towards me being able to say “When you said that, it felt hurtful, and like you were being intentionally mean to me.” It allows me to advocate for myself and strengthen the relationship.

This is emotional management. If you just ignore your emotions, then like the little guys in Inside Out, they may think you’re just not hearing them and they need to be louder. They have information to give you! Information intended to help you survive and thrive! They will not shut up until the data is received!

And this is exactly why ignoring all emotions when making a decision is not wise. It does not make for better decisions, because you are literally ignoring available data and information. You need all of that under consideration. Sometimes, the consideration falls on the side of “I recognize that I have some jealousy here, or some sadness here, but I value xyz more than satisfying that part of me, so I will still side on that.” And that’s great! That is an informed and rational decision.

The template to work with is this:

Feel the emotion. You’ll notice this when you start having physical reactions. We naturally smile when we’re happy. We tend to tense up when angry or afraid. DO NOT STUFF IT DOWN. Let it flow through your body, not keeping it in place to keep feeling it, and not shoving it away or trying to rush it either. (When I need to have a really good cry, I try not to cry for more than a couple minutes, because that's how long the emotion takes to work through my system)

Identify the emotion and what it tells you about the situation. This takes a lot of practice, and there are really no shortcuts because everyone is different. But some general rules are that anger is usually concerned with what’s right and wrong, for us and for others. Fear is concerned with our survival and avoiding things that hurt us. Sadness tells us where we need help, where we need connection or support. The sadness that comes with grief is that unsatisfied connection to what we lost.

Consider the information you are given with your values and your logic. I value clear communication, so if my fear is telling me to avoid talking to someone, I’m going to say “I understand I am afraid of the uncomfortable nature of this conversation, but I value communicating my feelings more than I value the safety and comfort of running away.” My anger may tell me that a person is awful and I should tell them so, but I value giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I choose to approach them diplomatically. Note that this is different from ignoring the feeling. Ignoring the feeling means that I wouldn’t say anything to the friend that hurt me, or I might not realize what’s going on with my fear and instincts will have me run away.

Take a moment to process the feeling, don’t stuff it down, and act when you are ready. Many people prefer to wait until their anger has subsided before attempting conflict resolution. But sometimes we still have to act in the midst of the feeling. That’s where bravery comes in, where we feel our fear but still do what is right.

Ignoring your feelings and shoving them down is just shutting out useful and necessary information. And they will never truly go away. Start feeling your feelings and processing them like a healthy human, today!

Disclaimer: This is what I have gleaned from the several years of therapy I've had, and this system works well for me. I'm not a professional though, this is just how I understand it, and what has given me a healthier relationship with my body and mind.

[novainthevoid]

Reposting this as one full long post because I was thinking about it again and I still think it’s relevant

School For Good and Evil Spoilers

Not to be discourse on main or anything but the school for good and evil isn’t queer baiting because Agatha and Sophie don’t get to together, it’s queer baiting because of the way they’re literally revealed to be sisters in the third fucking book after ALL the stuff they’ve been through and done for one another. Idk I’m a big proponent for strong platonic relationships but god they came across as not only queercoded but in some way queer with one another.

ADDED IN OG REBLOG:

To clarify, I don’t think Sophie and Agatha should’ve ended up together. In fact, I quite like their og ending (ie, the third book ending). They had a relationship that was codependent at the best of times and downright toxic at the worst. I think the best ending for them both was to be able to grow as people separate from one another while still maintaining their friendship. I would have indulgently liked to see them get together at some point, but ultimately I like the direction the story went and felt the way it ended was narratively satisfying.

THAT BEING SAID, the sisters thing still bothered me. Not only did it not feel super relavent (outside of possible narrative symbolism between the girls and Rafal and Rhian) but more than anything it felt like a cop out. A final gotcha moment to keep people from being able to ship the girls at all. I don’t think this was done intentionally or with any malice, but regardless after the way the girls acted and treated one another throughout the entirety of the series, it bothered me that it was boiled down to “oh they’re sisters lol.”

In a way, it felt like more of a dig at platonic relationships than it would have been if they’d gotten together. Because it was like they weren’t *allowed* to feel that strongly for one another if they weren’t either in love romantically or “fated together” by something like familial ties. They narratively did not need to be long lost sisters. Any benefit that could have come out of that I feel was lost due to how late it came and how little was done with it.

No matter how unintentional it may have been, I don’t think it’s wrong to call the school for good and evil queerbait. It is definitely a complex situation. But making the girls canonically sisters felt less relevant overall and more like a cop out. A way of saying, “see! Their relationship is obviously familial! No other feelings can be said and if you do it’ll be incestuous!” Again, I don’t think that was the intent but it’s what came across.

So yeah. SGE isn’t queer bait because it didn’t let Agatha and Sophie get together. It can be called queerbait, however, for pushing these girls to hell and back together only to introduce a narrative plot point that completely blocked any other interpretations of their relationship.