#penis is pretty fucking great

[sapapp]

i love

benis

me too

[lesbiansanemi]

I’m so tired of ppl making art of trans characters and they literally just look 100% cis but with different genitals like how are we not grasping the problem here

[prokopetz]

If you've seen trivia posts going around, may have seen ones about the baculum, a bone in the penis whose purpose is to help support erections which is present in most placental mammals, including non-human apes, but which is conspicuously absent in humans.

Those posts typically don't go into why this is the case, which is fair enough, since the question is far from settled. However, there are a lot of hypotheses about it, and some of them are pretty fucking wild.

I think my personal favourite is the recently proposed idea that, since soft tissue injuries tend to heal more rapidly and completely than broken bones, a flexible and resilient boneless penis constitutes a reproductive advantage in situations where genital trauma is common, possibly as a result of the development of upright posture rendering the penis more prone to blunt encounters.

Like, imagine humanity's proto-hominid ancestors going "actually, bipedalism is great" and promptly getting whacked in the ding so much that it exerted evolutionary pressure on the morphology of the penis.

[steviewashere]

Steve and Eddie being teenage boys (even in their twenties, even though they technically are no longer teenagers), a list that I've been making in my head (some of them are stupid and some of them are sweet, but this is a long list, be warned):

Steve teaching Eddie how to burp the alphabet after drinking soda. He's phenomenal at it. Like...almost disgustingly so. It ends up turning into a one up competition pretty fast after that.

Eddie who knows how to drag race and takes Steve on ridiculously fast drives down empty streets at night (when Steve's had a terrible night). He steps on the gas and goes: "Weeee!!!" as they speed. (Please don't speed. It is dangerous. But for the sake of entertaining their pea brains, this is what they do.)

Eddie and Steve who have been participating in a several month long tagging game. They slap each other on the back of shoulders as hard as they possibly can before skittering off like a little goblin.

Steve and Eddie think it's soooo fucking funny to blow up condoms like balloons when they're stoned.

Steve and Eddie who get stoned and they go shop for munchies at the local grocery store, both hysterically giggling at figuring out how to be "normal" people in public. (They are failing miserably.)

Steve who makes Eddie play basketball with him sometimes. And then he purposefully tosses the ball at Eddie rather than the basket. It devolves into wresting in the grass, heads in elbows, knuckles across scalps, kicking each other in the shins.

One time, Steve falls asleep at Eddie's on the couch. And instead of being all sweet and doting, Eddie finds a marker and draws a penis on Steve's face. He gets water poured on his head the next time he falls asleep at Steve's as payback.

Steve and Eddie comforting each other through nightmares and hardships and healing injuries, both in sort of constipated, mumbled ways. Pats to the back and leaning in close to each other, resting heads on shoulders. Passing cigarettes or beers back and forth just to pass the time, not really talking. Exchanging words afterwards like, "You're a great friend," and "You're the best person I know." Because they both need that and recognize that, even outside of the petty, childish things they do to each other.

Eddie, who understands that the pool at Steve's is a sore spot, instead of prodding them to get in, he plans out a whole water balloon fight to stave off the summer heat.

Steve, who knows that music has been a source of calm for Eddie over the years, makes sure there's always a cassette that Eddie can play in case it gets too quiet.

Eddie and Steve who shit talk each other in the arcade, beating each other's high scores if only to rile the other one up.

Steve who always checks Eddie's ID before he goes into the adult only room in Family Video. Despite knowing that Eddie is definitely over the age of eighteen. Sometimes he denies Eddie entry in front of Keith just to make him pout. (He thinks it's cute.)

Eddie and Steve watching porn together, criticizing the moans the entire time because they know for sure it's fake. And on the same note of moans, Eddie who gets a call from Wayne and Steve fake moans in the background the entire time. Steve gets a call from his parents and Eddie shouts really loud in the background for Steve to pass the joint back. They just glare at each other before getting in another tag fight throughout wherever they're at.

Eddie who goes into Family Video after Steve strikes out again. Who just walks up to the counter and starts acting like one of those girls, twirling his hair and pouting his lips and blinking his eyes, making his voice high pitched. (It gets Steve to giggle instead of pout, so Eddie calls it a win.)

Eddie guzzling an entire can of Coke and then spraying it out of his nose when Steve makes him laugh too hard. Steve's never made anybody laugh that hard.

Steve and Eddie who claim it's not gay to make their boners kiss. I mean...what? Who said that?

Steve and Eddie who play-punch a little too hard when playing punch buggy on vacation.

Speaking of vacation, Steve and Eddie going to a beach over the summer. They chase each other up and down the sand. They roll off of the sand hills. Eddie buries Steve in the sand and applies sunscreen to his face as he just accepts his fate. Steve helps Eddie make a sandcastle, a secret talent of his being how structurally sound he can build one.

Steve and Eddie playing with Legos while talking shit about Family Video customers. They toss Sour Patch Kids into each other's mouths as they talk. Sometimes hitting each other in the face purposefully.

Steve and Eddie who get drunk one night and go catch a wild possum. Robin screams at them to put it back because, "No, you dinguses, that is not a cat!"

Eddie and Steve taking care of each other on bad pain days. Trying to entertain the other with stupid jokes or shitty movies or gossip.

Eddie sharing his uncle with Steve when he finds out that Mr. and Mrs. Harrington are terrible motherfuckers. Who makes sure Steve is comfortable in his home around Wayne.

Steve conspiring with Wayne to make sure that Eddie always has the best birthday parties. Because the one thing he really held onto from his King Steve years was how to throw a small get together, and how, especially, to make it extremely awesome and memorable.

Steve who gets Eddie new albums he's been eyeing for his birthday. Ones Eddie knows he'd never be able to afford on his own, always a little sullen when he looks at the price. Steve who still has access to his dad's credit card and will max it out just for Eddie to get his fill.

Eddie makes homemade things for Steve's birthday. Cards and trinkets and drawings—things Steve's old high school buddies never considered as gifts, even though they have the most impact on Steve, even though they matter the most.

Steve and Eddie who love each other, insurmountably. Despite sometimes being major buttheads to each other.

[yelenasdiary]

Can I request a gp!Yelena x reader where reader is being a slut and whoring herself out at a party and Yelena is full of it and drags her off to fuck her (add some overstim plsss)

Sorry if it’s too much😓

Look What You Have Done

Pairing: Yelena Belova x Fem! Reader

Summary: Your actions have pissed Yelena off!  

Smut 18+ ONLY! Minors & Men, DNI!!

Warnings: Yelena has a penis! Mean! Yelena?, Consensual Sex, Overstimulation, Semi Public Sex, Voyeurism, Unprotected Sex, Creampie, Daddy Kink, Mentions of drinking, Light choking & degrading kink (Yelena calling R dirty slurs), Slightly Bratty/Power Bottom! R | 1.6K

Translations: Detka (baby),

AC: Thank you for sending this! This is like if they all weren’t avengers etc! I hope you enjoy it x

Carol, Nat, Wanda, Kate, Yelena, Monica, Agatha, Valkyrie & yourself were all finally free to hit the town for a night of fun. First it started at a local bar for a few pre-drinks then it was off to two different nightclubs before ending up at Thor’s house party. 

Music blared throughout the crowded house, everybody was drunk and having a great time. You were dancing, getting a little too close to Kate for Yelena’s liking. She watched you from across the room, rage filling her while she watched you dance and grind yourself up against Kate. 

She wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much watching you move from dancing with Kate to dancing up against Valkyrie. Her jaw clenched when Valkyrie placed her hands on your lips. It was the last straw for her. 

You weren’t dating Yelena, the two of you had a one-night stand almost a year ago but Yelena has never been able to get over you. You were hers; you just didn’t know it. 

You were lost in the music when Yelena harshly grabbed you by the arm. “Yelena come dance!” You encourage, clearly drunk. Yelena shook her head, “you need to come with me” she replied sternly. You stopped your dance moves and frowned as you looked at the blonde. “Now” she added. 

“Okay, okay! Geez” you mumbled before she escorted you to an empty room. “What’s your problem?” You turned on your feet to face Yelena once more. 

“You. You’re my problem” she snapped, taking a step forward towards you, “you’re acting like a little slut out there” she adds.

“Excuse me?” You bit back.

“You heard. I’ve been watching you all night, dancing and grinding up again strangers at the club and then to do it again with Kate and Valkyrie? Enough is enough” she replied, closing the gap between the two of you. She placed her hands on your hips, looking slightly down at you.

“Yelena, I d-don’t know what you think you saw but I was just having some fun” you said, swallowing the lump in your throat. 

“That might be so, but I can’t stand to see what belongs to me trying to fuck other people like a desperate little slut!” She snarled, clenching her jaw. You were silent, looking into her eyes for any answer as to where this all was coming from, but your thoughts were broken when she placed your right hand on her bulge. Your eyes widened at her, “that’s what you’ve done to me detka. So, the way I see it, you have two opinions. You can either get on that bed and look pretty for me or there’s the door” she added, nodding in the direction of the door. 

Her stern tone and slightly clenched jaw sent a little rush to your core leaving you to make your decision without a second thought or even a look at the closed door. Slowly, you took step by step backwards, keeping eye contact with Yelena while you gradually gathered the bottom of your dress over your hips before letting yourself fall onto the bed. Yelena’s cock throbbed at the sight of your dark purple laced panties, the memories from the one-night stand that you both had over a year ago flashed through her mind once more. 

“Are you just going to stand there baby or were you just all talk?” You asked with a ballsy smirk on your lips, snapping Yelena’s thoughts back to what was in front of her. She frowned slightly as she took the few steps closer to the bed, hunger in her eyes as she looked down at you. “Wipe that smirk off your lips, darling, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into” she replied as she began to unbutton her jeans, keeping eye contact with you the entire time. 

Her throbbing cock sprung free as she dropped her boxers to her ankles, stepping out of them and slightly kicking them to the side along with her her jeans. You hated the limited time the two of you had, you’re at a party, this isn’t your house nor was it Yelena’s. “Baby, did you lock the door?” You asked, your eyes shifted to the door for a moment before back to Yelena who was still looking down at you, this time she was the one with a ballsy smirk. “Would you like me to lock it?” She questioned, wrapping a hand around her shaft and giving herself a few pumps as you watched her per-cum slowly leak from her head. Her question no longer a train of thought in your mind. 

“What’s wrong detka?” Yelena lightly chuckled, “cat got your tongue?” She added. 

You sat up onto your knees in front of her as you shook your head, “j-just don’t want to waste any more time” you replied in a light stutter, looking up at her with begging eyes. With one hand, she cupped your cheek, her thumb stroking your skin. “Take your panties off” she commanded, still slowly pumping her cock as it twitched and throbbed in her hand. 

You did as she said, laying back and slightly bucking your ups to pull your panties down. Once they were over your knees, Yelena grabbed them and pulled them off the remainder of your legs before she gently pushed your knees apart and making herself comfortable between your thighs. Her beefy biceps on either side of you keep her from laying completely on top of you, her lips crashed on to yours. Her tongue exploring your month like it did once before. You wrapped your arms around the back of her neck and gently pulled her down closer to you. Her cock brushed against your pulsating clit causing you to moan softly between kisses. 

With one hand, Yelena gently guided the head of her cock between your lips, you moaned each time she brushed herself over your clit. “D-daddy, please” you begged, letting the title slip. Yelena lent back slightly, smirking down at you. “Say it again” she said, running her tongue over her bottom lip while she blindly aligned herself up with your entrance. Your cheeks turned slightly red with embarrassment, “I’m sorry, I, uh, I don’t know where that came from” you apologized. 

“I said, say it again” Yelena repeated. 

“Daddy” you said softly, “p-please” you added while she slowly pushed herself inside of you. 

A moan left your lips as she pushed her entire length inside you, she gave you time to adjust and God did you miss her, you basically sucked her right back in with each thrust she gave. Lips locked together kept your moans from being too loud as she thrusted into you, your nails slightly digging into her clothed back just wishing you were both complete naked to leave marks up and down her bare back. 

Her lips soon traveled to your neck, her thrusts speeding up before she leant back to watch how perfectly you clenched around her. “Fuck, baby, look at you” she admired, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth, “you were made me for” she added softly in thought. Her words setting your nerves on fire almost. She watched for a moment as she rolled her hips, loving the way you sucked her in. 

“Daddy, pl-please! I n-need you” you whimpered, bucking your hips slightly to meet her pace before she lent down to kiss your plump lips once again. “You have me detka, all of me” she whispered in reply as you clenched around her, chasing your climax. 

“F-fuck!” Yelena moaned as she leant back once more, watching your breasts bounce along with her thrusts as she fucked into you even harder. You reached for the bed covers, knuckles turning white as you gripped them tightly. “G’nna c-cum!” You cried out but Yelena shook her head, “no, you’re not!” She replied. 

“You’re not cumming until you tell me who you belong to!” She added, trying to ignore her own climax approaching. You threw your head back in pleasure, Yelena’s hand gripping your hips to help her pump into you, “please daddy!” You almost screamed as you looked at her once more, “please!” 

Yelena wrapped her left hand around your neck, applying light pressure. The action sent a rush to your throbbing clit, “who do you belong too?” The blonde commanded not giving up on her speed. 

“Y-you! I belong to you!” You finally said, bring Yelena’s climax even closer. 

“Again” she spat, applying a little more pressure to your neck. 

“You daddy, f-fuck! I be-belong to you!” You moaned. Yelena smirked to herself as you clenched around her even harder, the two of you ready to snap. “Once more detka then I want you cum!” She lent down and whispered into your ear, releasing her pressure around your neck. 

“J-just wanna be y-yours baby, all yours. I am yours!” You moaned once more, “I b-belong to YOU!” You screamed out as then tension within you snapped and your orgasm took over. Your walls fluttering around Yelena’s cock made it harder for her to ignore, she went pull out but you stopped her, shaking your head. “Please!” You begged before your cunt milked her of every last drop of her cum that painted your walls. 

Yelena’s thrusts became slower but never stopped, she helped you ride your high while she chased her second. She brought her thumb to your clit, gently drawing tight circles around it. 

“Lena!” You moaned, your body sensitive. 

“I know detka, just one more, I promise” she lent down and kissed you deeply, “I missed you so much, just need one more” she added.

Taglist: @marvelfan98 | @boredandneedfanfics | @music-4ever | @marvelwomen-simp | @swaqcenix | @scarlettbitchx | @mallyka-blog | @itsalwaysskorpioszn | @caporal-nino | @natashamaximoff-69 | @evilcr0ne | @boredandneedfanfics | @teganmiller | @ihavezeroclue13 | @tobiaslut | @itsmelulu | @axolotllover225 | @koinsss | @nuianced-tck-enby | @springsheep | @prentgarcialuvr | @stayevildarling | @mommysgoodlittlebrat | @marvelnatasha12346 | 

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[snowsinterlude]

golden ring.

(coriolanus snow x reader)

summary: "i kind of want to put a cock ring on coryo and watch him cry"

c.w: extreme edging, masturbating (m. recieving), porn without plot, overstimulation, dacryphilia, petnames (reader calls coryo baby), face sitting, sub coryo

sitting in your face while he sucked your pussy like a starved man, your hands masturbated his cock slowly, for his sadness. he moaned against your cunt without much thought about it, even thought the tightness of the penis ring made him cry too.

it's been at least half an hour that you've been edging him, tapping your fingers against his angry red balls, making him squirm under your cunt.

you've made sure to shut him up with your pussy, the 69 position helping you to shut him up as all you did was beat his meat as he sucked on you eagerly, as if his life depended on it. you missed the feeling of having him crying under you, bucking his hips in your hand as he begged for his release.

he pulled away from your wet cunt, breathing through his cries as he mewled under you.

"y/n, please, please- let me cum. please, it's been an hour already!" he cried, and you chuckled at his despair, kissing his tip open mouthed, licking it and making him cry even more.

"only half an hour, baby." you said, giving his dick a flick of your fingers.

"fuck- stop that! please! why can you cum and i don't?!" he questioned, his brows knitted together and you knew just how his face was contorted, even though you didn't get to see him.

"because i want to." you said, changing positions to let your bare cunt near his dick, a torture that he seemed to be willing to pay. you let his hard cock press and grind on your pussy, his tip teasing your clit before you put him into you, earning a long moan out of his mouth as his hands gripped oh so hard on your hips.

"that's t...torture. it should be." he said, red faced and tear stained as you chuckled, going all the way down on him as he moaned. the delay of his orgasm was terribly torturing to him, specially when you spent the whole week edging him, never letting him cum and saying that if he did, you would know- and you wouldn't let him anywhere near your pussy for two weeks.

"promise you it isn't" you said, kissing his pretty lips, licking them and swallowing the taste of your pussy down your throat.

it lasted only a few rides, though, you took pity on his crying face and on his throbbing dick, taking the golden cock ring out and hearing a sigh of relief out of him.

he finally got to cum inside you, his cock throbbing painfully as he finally let all of the pent up cum he saved inside you.

"you're terrible." he said, looking at you with the biggest non proposital pout you've ever seen on his lips, the ones you kissed.

"i know, baby." you said, letting him suckle on your tit and sleep.

this golden c ring would be of great help for you to punish him.

[celestie0]

Are we gonna have smut in ihm soon?🤭

man it’s really fuckin disappointing and sad to spend 10 hrs out of my week to try to create a meaningful story, one that resonates a lot with me and the things i’ve been through in my life, one that i hope my readers can resonate with and see themselves in, just to get asks like this.

like, picture this. you get super excited to write this story of yours, you plan aaaaaall these secondary plot lines, introduce new characters, create different character dynamics, try to include scenes that strengthen relationships with already existing character dynamics. plan out an ENTIRE story on paper (my ideas doc ALONE for ihm has 13k+ words) and try to leave subtle clues here and there in your chapters to support a build up of tensions that’ll lead to a payoff later on in the series. oh, and this is just the planning part. did you know that it takes the average person 1-2 hrs to write 1k words? the last ihm chapter was 14.1k words. go ahead and do the math, and try to figure out how long it must’ve taken me to write it. without even counting the time spent i spent editing it.

i know that this fandom is so horny brainrot fucked up to the nines, i’ve sincerely never seen a fandom that needs to touch grass more than the jjk fandom. and admittedly, i am also super excited to write more smut in my stories! sex is fuckin cool n sexy! but let me just get one thing straight to you horny anons that send me asks like this: my stories are STORIES first and foremost. they are not VESSELS for your FANTASIES. they are not PORN with PLOT. they are my stories, that i write drawing from my real life experiences. and, hey, news flash, they mean a fuckin lot to me! i’m assuming you didn’t do the math on the 14.1k word chapter thing, but i’ll tell you right now: it took me maybe 20 hours to write ch3 of ihm. something that probs took you 1 hour to read, and then ten seconds to send me this ask. surely your tonedeaf brain can at least understand that i wouldn’t spend that much fuckin’ time writing something if it was just supposed to be porn with plot.

listen, i know that i’m not the best writer. i understand that, after reading all of this, you might be thinking “shut the fuck up bitch, your writing aint alla that for me to respect you. we only care about the smut, don’t you understand?” that’s valid. i’ll respect that. i never claimed to be a great author, or deserving of anything meaningful from you in return. ultimately, it’s my choice to spend the time that i do writing, no one’s forcing me, and i would never expect people to support me either (although i am always infinitely grateful for it and tbh the support is what keeps me writing). but what i don’t deserve is to be sent careless asks that make me feel like you see no purpose in my stories other than sex. other than smut. other than a penis going inside a fucking vagina.

anon, you know what would make me excited to continue writing my story? excited to get to the parts where characters ARE intimate with one another? is if you maybe threw in something as simple as a fuckin “hey i loved that part in ihm ch3 where [x]. thought it was a cool thing to do. btw, looking forward to the smut!” would’ve taken you a solid 30 seconds. it just took me 30 seconds to type that. or? you know what else you can do? go sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and spend 20+ hrs writing a 14k+ oneshot on the smut that you so badly wanna see. it’s your choice. really! i mean it. go be the change you wanna see in this world.

i have never once felt like i deserved any of the support that i’ve gotten. idk how to write pretty prose. or moving stories. i read some other people’s work on this app and i’m genuinely gobsmacked by how talented they are and constantly think how shitty my writing is in comparison. but my thing is that i am at least trying my best to write stories that people feel worthy of reading, because i feel like that’s the kind of respect that an audience deserves. i am trying my best to put my character and integrity into things that i write, even if what i produce ends up falling flat or doesn’t come across. but this ask isn’t an isolated issue. this issue has come up multiple times in the time i’ve had my blog, where people just reduce my stories down to smut smut smut smut smut when are we gonna get smut when are they gonna fuck write more smut in kickoff you should make ihm couple fuck like rabbits in the next chapter oh we better see them do [redacted redacted redacted] or else imma [redacted redacted redacted]. my fics are literally TAGGED with "slow burn romance"...i am fully transparent about it. and while i’ve also gotten so many meaningful heartfelt reactions to my stories (which, btw, were tastefully horny…yes, there is a way to send an author an ask that is tastefully horny while also appreciating their work!! insane wild concept!! /sarcasm), unfortunately these bad interactions will always stick.

like. would you ask someone you knew irl that was writing a novel, when they're gonna write the smut for it? would you tell them to hurry tf up and finish their novel just so that you can read the smut? would you send them your smut fantasies and be like "include this in your novel for ME because I want it "? no. because they'd think you're creepy n weird asf n overbearing then drop you. so why is it okay to do that to an author on tumblr? what happened to manners? what happened to decorum? especially for creators who are making you content for FREE.

if i was an author that wrote purely smut oneshots, i’d maybe kinda sorta understand (still think it's wrong asf, regardless of the content of stories that you write). but i feel like, after the 200k+ words that i’ve poured into my two stories (including the chapters i’ve written that i haven’t yet released) where it’s CLEARLY evident that these stories are much more than smut, i’d think that i deserve treatment a little bit better than this.

i’m done. i’m done trying to be nice. i’m done just silently deleting rude asf asks because i don’t wanna cause a scene. i’m done worrying about hurting people’s feelings, when I’M the one that is getting my feelings hurt while you just get to hide behind an anon.

i. am. just. fucking. done.

[partitionis]

on the horror of fame:

something that I often find myself thinking about when I’m back in Taiwan and around people who are far richer than I’ll ever be [1] is how the day-to-day experience of being rich and powerful is actually pretty… dehumanizing

there’s a sweet spot where you’re wealthy enough that you don’t have to worry about money ever and still anonymous enough that you can pop down to the 7/11 without anyone knowing who you are, but once you’re famous enough that people on the street tend to recognize you? you’re fucked.

ok, you haven’t driven a car in a few decades because you’ve been rich enough to employ a driver and someone of your status isn’t really the type to drive themselves around. this is fine. except now your driver knows all of your business. that’s also fine, you pay him for his discretion. do you pay him enough? can you be sure that his institutional loyalty is enough to stop him from taking a tabloid payment? maybe you want to go somewhere spur of the moment. you could call your driver, and he’d drop whatever he was doing and be at your house to get you within fifteen minutes [2], but you know, maybe he’s with his kids or something. you could take the subway, except if you do that multiple people will recognize you and everyone will treat you like you have some sort of infectious disease [3]. guess you’d better stay in.

and every moment of every day is like this! being a famous man is great because women want to have sex with you and men want to be you. except mostly what everyone wants is access to the wealth and power you represent: people tell you half-truths to try to convince you to invest in some bullshit or they put their hands dangerously close to your penis in public social situations [4]. you— the person you actually are— are mostly treated like an obstacle to be overcome or a puzzle to be figured out. ‘what kind of currency do I need to put in to the old man to get what I want out of him’

so you have all of the things people want, but they’re poisoned by abundance. you can go anywhere and buy anything, but you can’t do it without feeling the eyes of the world on you. you have more friends and potential lovers than you know what to do with, but do you? one of the great privileges of being a regular person [5] is that you can generally trust that social gestures are genuine. I’m just a regular guy and the only benefit anyone gets from throwing me a birthday party or having sex with me is that we ate birthday cake or had sex. none of these things will unlock access to money or power because I’ve got none to give, but once you do, you invariably attract these people. they’re not all of your social circle, but they’re a lot of it, because competing for your limited time and attention with the people who are willing to grope you in public feels vaguely debasing

no wonder musicians are alcoholics! no wonder the people I know are all withdrawn and snappish. you’re just some guy, and you’re living a life so divorced from the rest of the world that you have more in common with the god-kings of old than you do with your own parents. is it worth it? I mean I won’t lie, sometimes it’s pretty sick; I’d never buy a $5,000 watch, but I can pretty easily imagine what I’d do with thousands of dollars of pocket change. but then I remember that one person I know refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is because people make such a big fucking deal out of it and I think, hm, if that were me I’d probably develop a heroin addiction [6].

[1] presumably

[2] let’s not consider how much it sucks to be the driver in this situation

[3] you are not the good kind of famous in this story, sorry.

[4] I’m sure this was titillating at one point but I’m also pretty sure it got old by the third decade, never mind what it’s like in the fifth

[5] unless you’re an Olive Garden manager who posts a lot about fake friends and backstabbers on Facebook or wherever the beleaguered Olive Garden managers of the world are posting today

[6] at least I’d be able to pay for it

[elorathebard]

Everyone In BG3 Has The Same Ass (PROOF)

This is a follow up post to this one. ALRIGHT here's my photographic evidence that everyone in this game has the same ass. Pictures are under the read more. I revoked penis privileges for all the character models and censored the general crotch area, but there will be bare booty. Consider yourself warned.

Alright here's all ya men. Models and textures have been ripped straight from the game data, color values are taken from the game's code, and shaders have been painstakingly recreated by the great Volno, with a few slight tweaks by me to get the textures to look better in EEVEE. (Sorry everyone, I don't have the patience to wait 15 minutes per photo to render ass comparisons in cycles)

The black backdrop is there because otherwise y'all would be staring into a featureless bright white void. Dark mode users cry, Astarion's chin disappears, it's just ugly all around.

Here's the view from the back.

And here's your side view.

Now, I know you're wondering. Did Elora fuck with the camera angles or use different models, all to convert us to her devious ass-genda? Be comforted, dear viewers, because I came prepared. With measurements.

Now, we know from a tweet from Larian that Astarion is 5' 9". I'm a little skeptical of that number myself, since there's a Githyanki line in the game that puts him at 5' 11". There's also the fact that if you convert the feet to inches, you get The Funny Sex Number. But whatever, I'll play along.

Here's a ruler that's exactly as tall as Astarion, divided into 69ths. If the number Larian gave us is correct, then each marking will be one inch.

Here's the same ruler, centered on the cheeks. According to these Incredibly Scientific Calculations, everyone's cake is 14 inches wide and 7 inches tall. Perfectly rectangular.

If we spin em around, we can see that everyone has a standard Dumper Depth of about 2 inches.

And. since I know someone will ask, no, Wyll does not get a new ass upon demonification.

Now, I see you Holy Rolan Empire. I see the Gortfuckers. I see the Raphaelites. You are NOT exempt. Because guess what.

THEY ALSO HAVE THE SAME ASS.

Now before everyone comes at me in the comments, I'm pretty sure this is just a case of BRUTAL video game efficiency. The game's already 130 GB. They need to save on resources wherever they can. In an ideal world, Gale wouldn't have abs, Gortash would have love handles, and everyone would have custom-sculpted derrieres. But unfortunately we live in a timeline where computer hard drives are finite.

I bring this up not to de-legitimize anyone's choice of husbando, but so that we can move past the ass wars and move onto more important discussions. Like whether gnome tavs can canonically turn into mind flayers.

[gayestcowboy]

fantasy dildo recs please? im trying to find one that isnt like $100 but is still good and reputable and wont fill my body with microplastics. ive been looking at neotori and they look great but;; the price;;; anyway yeah recs please?

hi! i have a lot of information for you.

first off, my specific recommendations of fantasy toy shops i’ve bought from or know to be reputable: uberrime, wandering bard, twilight meadow creations, strange bedfellas, pleasure forge, pp sculptors, batbites, xenocat artifacts. all of these shops have toys under 100 usd. uberrime especially has a huge selection including non-fantasy, realistic, and dual density. my top 3 fantasy toys right now are TMC’s ambrose (mini), wandering bard’s shadow demon (x small), and uberrime’s ardor dragon (small). highly recommend ambrose to transmascs with bottom growth. also it looks cool as fuck. mine is bright green and yellow.

second, this google doc is a masterpost of fantasy and fantasy-adjacent sex toy companies (created as a list of alternatives to bad dragon) and is organized quite well, and includes some shops to be wary of. it was last updated in 2022 so it’s outdated, but it’s massive and still quite useful. safe fantasy toys dot com also lists body safe toy companies, although you should still check reputability of the company before you buy (some of the companies listed on the site should still be avoided for various reasons— try cross checking with the google doc, browsing reddit, etc). all of the specific companies i recommend in this post use platinum silicone only, but if you go searching for other toys make sure to avoid jelly and other porous materials because they cannot be sanitized properly and will store bacteria. just like with piercing and body jewelry (another one of my special interests lol), it’s always better to pay more for safety when it’s something going inside your body. reputable stores will always list the material, and tend to have pages on their sites with even more specific information on their silicone. shipping also affects the price, especially international shipping.

also, when youre shopping for fantasy toys, make sure you check the sizing. smaller toys are frequently under 100 usd. many fantasy toys tend to be quite large anyways, especially knotted toys (many small knotted toys still have diameters of 2”+ which is too large for me personally. for reference i think the average human penis is somewhere around 1.5” diameter and my personal maximum for toys right now is ~1.75). there’s so much diversity in fantasy toys that you will probably be able to find toys that fit your desired length/girth and are still classified as small and therefore less expensive. if you’re new to fantasy toys or have trouble with insertion (or even just have an average sized vagina/rectum), small fantasy toys can be cost efficient and accessible and more fun than more standard toys. many stores will also sell b-grade toys at a discount for minor cosmetic flaws that don’t affect usage. also, there’s a pretty big market for secondhand toys/dong sales on twitter, reddit, etc so if you’re willing to buy secondhand, that can be more cost efficient. quality silicone toys can be properly sanitized by boiling and other methods. for more cheap options— good glass toys can frequently be under 50 usd, and are easy to sanitize. also, tantus isn’t quite a fantasy brand, but it’s very high quality and has some great toys on the cheaper side (i love the tantus magma). and if you want a really good cheap vibrator, the romp hype is amazing and only 35 usd.

i am by no means an expert, just incredibly autistic, but i hope this helps! i’m always happy to try answering questions about sex toys!

[flametrashiraarchive]

Omggggg your Douma head cannons are EVERYTHING!!

I NEED MORE! Head cannons or anything you wanna do are fantastic.

Ofc if you don’t want to that’s totally fine. I love you and your work so much!

Have a great day/night <3

Absolutely yes. I will never ever pass up a chance to write about Douma. Also, this gives me the chance to write about topping him 🤭

NSFW under the cut and also a link to an asmr video on prnhb. Minors absolutely do not interact I stg.

Douma NSFW headcanons- part 4.

After the upper moon meeting and once Douma's sermon was over, he was troubled.

He felt completely out of sorts.

He'd found himself shoved out of conversations, he'd lost half his head on two separate occasions, and was denied the chance to join Gyokko and Hantengu on their mission.

And worst of all, Muzan was disappointed in him.

He sat on his cushion and pouted until you finally came looking for him.

Wrapped his arms around your thighs and just buried his face in your tummy and relayed what happened.

"My poor demon lord," you cooed, petting his hair. "What would make you happy right now? Is there something I can do to salvage your evening?"

His mood did a complete 180

"Oh well, if you insist on making me happy I do have an idea..."

(For no-penis havers) He'd bought you a strap made with the finest materials and presented it to you gleefully.

"I want you to destroy me, my pet. Make me scream."

He'd also bought lubricating oils although he insisted you didn't have to worry about hurting him. He can regenerate after all.

Good lord does this man love being dominated by you.

Loves how you look with your cock standing firm just for him.

"Look at you, my pretty little thing. Mm... is that all for me?"

He is the whiniest, most vocal bottom ever. (Headphones/ privacy recommended- ASMR here)

The whole temple can hear him. He does not give a fuck.

Pull his hair.

Tell him he's a good boy

Tell him to turn over so he's on his back

Play with his tits

He can't help but jerk his cock as you pound him.

Cums buckets. Loudly.

Shoots his load all over both of you.

(For penis-havers) wants you to shoot your load on him too.

(For pussy-havers) After he cums he'll have you sit on his face so you can ride his tongue. He loves how out of control you get, how you can barely stay upright as he devours you from beneath. Loves the view from below you, his rainbow-colored eyes wide and eager as he sucks and licks your clit.

When you're both satisfied and fucked out he lies there watching you doze off with his arms around you.

"You belong to me forever, don't you?"

He feels so safe with you; he's understood for the first time.

Yes, of course you find him beautiful, but in a real sense, not as an idol or a connection to deities.

You love Douma because he's Douma, and that means everything to him

Finds himself tearing up as you fall asleep.

Real tears for the first time in his life.

Real trust. Real love. Real happiness.

All because of you.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

You know? If you think about it, slang and memes are probably different across the multiverse.

Have you see it how adults complain not understanding what teens said these days? Well now is the entire Spider-Society because despite the (probably) great population of teens the vastness of the multiverse makes for jokes and memes to transfer.

Pavitr literally needs to not only translate memes, he basically needs to do an entire background explanation to almost anyone. Perhaps with other spiders he defaults to jokes about "Fuck England" because people being angry at England seems to appear to be a very common thing across the multiverse.

Because the closeness on time periods, Peni and Margo constantly sent each other memes in "4D" technology. Miles saw one and stared at the wall for 20 minutes trying to understand what the hell he just saw.

Hobbie uses cockney slang which already means he will probably need to explain himself a lot, but if is true that he is from 70s (I don't remember if this was someone's hc or a theory) a lot of his jokes are mostly local to his area already because there is no internet, probably less if his universe is anything close to the dystopian hellscapse it is in the comics.

Noir would deadass, need multiple lingo dictionaries because being from the 40s definitely means he needs A LOT of explanations to most of anything.

Miles was a bit disappointed when he tried to show a meme to Gwen and she didn't get it, but after realizing how he barely understand memes from his other spidey friends, he felt a lot better to realize in general the sense of humour between their universes is pretty similar.

Technically Peter counts on that front as well, but he insists he doesn't understand teenage these days and lets these two to it; mostly just to let the lovebirds alone.

Miles and Gwen argue their universes are the only ones where the sense of humour is not broken and have the "Good memes alliance" which everybody else calls "they are having non-dates that they call association meetings because they are impossible."

These entire debacle started with someone saying "YEEEET" "Bro that meme is like 2 years ago" "2? Try 6" "The fuck are you talking about? That was part of my media class on memes" "DUDE YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO SAY 'YEEEZ'" And the rest is history.

[the-fluff-piece]

Slippery slope

A short sexy smoker smut story (actually just a drabble but story has an s and I wanted that)

He wants to obey the marine's "no sex" rule, but like every rule he needs to interpret it. Just a little more...

Smoker is dating you. You're his subordinate - too bad there's a rule against fraternization in the marine.

He may not like the rules, but he has to live by them. Kind of.

He is pretty sure that it just means actual sex is forbidden, so he thinks it's okay to make out with you, as long as nothing sexual happens.

So after a long day, he decides to kiss you and hold you in his arms just for a bit. You taste so good, you're so warm and sweet, he cannot help but get a bit more demanding in his kisses.

As things get more heated, he decides that touching your breasts is still OK, no breaking of rules here. So he pushes up your shirt and bra to pinch your nipples and squeeze them. Since touching is permitted, he may just as well suck on your nipples.

When you start to moan and rub against him, he is pretty sure that it would be rude to just let you hang like that. After all, it's not sex if no one sticks anything anywhere down there. He starts to touch your vuvla, through your trousers. It already feels hot and you obviously need more. It's a bit awkward, with all the cloth between his hand and you. He decides just hand stuff is absolutely safe. As long as his Penis isn't involved, it's no fraternization.

He sticks his hands in your pants to rub your clitoris, you're super slick and hot. Feeling up and down between your folds, circling your clitoris, his fingers get wet and slippery. Mainly by accident, his fingers slide inside of you, oops!

Now that he's already here, might as well fuck you with his fingers. He knows that he has big hands, it's surely already satisfying to you. So wet and soft, how great would it feel against his cock?

No, that's forbidden!

Although his boner does start to hurt as he's getting more and more worked up. His hand is now moving in and out of you fast, the wet sound, mixed with your moans, it's too much. He drops his pants, just to alleviate the pain, nothing more.

Seeing you on your back, panties pushed to the side and breasts naked, he thinks it would be such a waste if he didn't at least get a little taste of you.

As long as it doesn't go in, it's still absolutely fine, no worries! He rubs the hot, red head of his cock between your labia and almost cums from the sensation. Your wetness makes it glide effortlessly, the head is large and tickles all the right spots between your legs. The crown of his cock already gatheres your wetness in thick strands.

It's so slick, he glides into by accident.

"Fuck" he mutters as he looks at the delicious sight of what he has just done. But it's just the tip. If it's not in all the way it can hardly be called sex, he assures himself.

The man is huge, his cock is, too. Just the tip is stretching your entrance wide as it glides in and out, just a bit.

"Feels so good..." Smoker moans, and loses control for just a split second. His hips jerk involuntary and his cock glides in all the way, hitting the end of your vagina.

"FUCK" He curses. But well, now it happened. He won't break the rules any more than he already has, might as well fuck you all night.

[yelenasdiary]

can u write dom! reader making sub! gp! nat fuck a fleshlight and then after she cums inside of it she makes nat eat the cum out while reader pegs her. I'm leaving the rest up to you if U want to add smth

Anything For You

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader 

Summary: After catching your partner playing with themselves, you decide to give them something special.

18+ ONLY! MINORS & MEN DNI! | Smut | Sub! Natasha | Dom! Reader | Natasha has a penis | Pegging | Cum Play | Slight Language Warning | 1.2K |  

AC: Thank you for sending something a little different! Sorry it took so long to write, I hope you enjoy this! 

"Fuck!" you heard Natasha's soft groan as you hopped out of the shower. You could only imagine what the red head was doing before you walked into the bedroom wrapped in a towel, there she was, her eyes closed as she stroked her cock to the thought of you. 

"You right there?" you asked, interrupting Nat from her moment of bliss. 

"Please, don't be mad!" she jumped up, her eyes shot open at you, "I can't help myself" she added as you ran your tongue over your lips. "Is that right? you're so needy you can't help yourself huh?" you spoke, letting your towel drop to the floor. Natasha couldn't take her eyes off of your naked body, her cock twitched as it only grew harder at the sight of you. 

Shaking your head at her, you wandered over to the wardrobe and grabbed a new toy that you'd been wanting to surprise your girlfriend with. "Since you think it's okay to touch yourself without asking, why don't you fuck this instead!" you turned on your heels to face her, throwing the fleshlight at her. She caught it with her skillful hands before looking at you. "You can't be serious?" she questioned, like a puppy who'd just been scolded. 

"I'm very serious baby" you raised a brow at her as you walked a few small steps closer to her, "what's wrong? Don't you like it?" you asked, biting your bottom lip. 

"Huh? N-no, I do, I j-just" Natasha paused as you stopped in front of her, your breasts directly in her eyesight. "Just what? Tell me, baby" you make her look up at you by tilting her head up slightly with your thumb under her chin. "I'd r-rather you" the spy admitted. You brushed a lock of her red hair behind her ear and smiled softly, "I have something in mind, but, can you be a good girl for me Natty?" you asked.

Natasha nodded, her cock painfully hard and in need of release at this point. "That's my pretty girl" you leant down and kissed her lips softly as you took the fleshlight from her hands, smirking against her lips as you guided the toy over her cock, "fuck the toy for me baby, show me how you want to take me" you spoke softly against her lips. Nat didn't hesitate in wasting any time, placing her hand over yours that held the toy in place as she began to thrust her hips. 

"Good job baby, keep going for me, I'm just going to get your next surprise ready" you smiled softly at the moaning Russian. Natasha moaned as she nodded at your words, fucking herself into the fleshlight with great need. You wandered back over to the wardrobe and grabbed the strap on, Natasha had fallen onto her bed as she sped up her movements into the new toy, she didn't even notice you standing in front of her once again, watching as she cased her release, moan after moan after moan. 

"F-fuck!" Natasha threw her head back when she felt your hands wrap around hers, forcing her to move the toy faster. "I c-can't hold it!" Nat looked at you, only just now noticing the red dildo that stood proudly between your legs. "I don't want you to hold it, sweetheart. Make a mess for me, fill your new toy with your cum baby" you replied, squeezing the toy tighter around her cock. 

Natasha's moans bounced off the walls as she released her seed into the fleshlight, a delicious smirk tugging at your lips at the sight of her state. Cum soon began to drip from the toy and onto the sheets as you pulled the toy off Natasha's dick, "get on all fours for me darling" you looked up at the red head with a light smirk. The pretty little toy did exactly as told, presenting herself to you on all fours. 

You placed the fleshlight beside you for a moment as you rubbed some lube over the red toy around your waist. "You're such a good girl for me Natty" you couldn't help but place a soft kiss on her cheek, "you'll do anything for me, won't you?" you asked. 

Natasha nodded, "yes, anything!" she replied with a sense of need in her voice when she felt you probing the tip of the fake cock against her asshole. "Prove it" you placed the cum filled fleshlight in front of her, "clean it" you instructed as you watched Nat bring the toy to her lips. You timed it perfectly, watching as Natasha's tongue tipped into the fake vagina as you slowly eased yourself inside of her. Her muffled moans were like magic to your ears. 

"Good girl" you smirked as you continued to watch as the red head's tongue scooped her cum out of the toy, "tell me when you're ready for me to move" you added wishing you could really feel how tight she was just for you. 

She moaned softly as she looked back at you, "fuck me, please!" she begged with one hand already having a tight grip on the bed sheets, your smirk grew bigger knowing that the great, tough Black Widow was nothing more than a needy little slut for you. 

Soon enough, the room was full of Nat's muffled moans and skin slapping against each other as you fucked the red toy into Natasha. Every now and then she paused to let you know exactly how you were making her feel, slurring her words while her cock was rock hard. 

"F-feels so good!!" she moaned before you pulled her hair back, "I didn't say stop, did I? clean your little toy baby, tell me how good you taste" you reminded her as you fucked into her a little harder. You watched as her tongue returned to its place inside the cum filled toy before your free hand reached under and stroked her stiff cock making her moan louder into the fleshlight. 

"You like baby?" you smirked, keeping up your pace. She nodded, "don't stop! Please!" The red head begged in a moan after swallowing her own cum. "Mmm, are you close?" You asked, you already knew the answer was yes by the feeling of her cock twitching in your hand. "S-so f-fucking close!" She let the now cleaned toy go out and roll slightly to the side of her before arching and pressing herself further into your thrusts, "I'm g'nna cum!" she moaned once more, the bed sheets tightly in her fist. 

"Cum my darling, you do it" you encouraged her pumping her cock a few more times before she let go and warm ropes of cum landed on the bedsheets. You helped ride out her orgasm by keeping up your thrusts until you knew the poor thing was too fucked out and tried to continue. "You're so beautiful Natalia" you placed a kiss on the back of her shoulder as you slowly pulled out, letting Natasha completely collapse onto the bed.

"Let me get a cloth and clean you up, my messy assassin" you smiled softly at her state while taking off the harness. All that came out of her lips was a soft thank you.

Taglist: @red1culous | @sayah13 | @charl-lally | @when-wolves-howl | @bentleywolf29 | @fxckmiup | @natasha-belova | @blackwidow-3 | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @observeowl | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @ahintofchaos | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @donnietarantino | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @hehehehannahthings | @pandaemonium111 | @imnotslouching | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok | @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @marvel-madnessx | @scarsw1fe | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @natashaswife4125 | @katiemay-025 | @aphrcdtes | @romanoffs-widow | @natsxwife | @maria-403 | @boredandneedfanfics | @wandamaximoffspuppup | @xox-little-troublemaker-xox | @shibugs | 

Please let me know if you don't want to be tagged in smut related fics.

[drunkenlionwrites]

jealous dan heng ,gepard, and himeko (separate) pulling you aside to eat you out/fuck you or literally anything ever

afab gn reader please<333

Hi nonnie! That's such a hot request. Sorry that Dan Heng's part is so lackluster. I went all out on Gepard and Himeko though! Hope you enjoy it :3 Warnings: nsfw, gender-neutral, afab reader, penis in vagina sex, oral sex (reader receiving)

Dan Heng

Since arriving to Xianzhou Luofu and helping with their pursuit of Kafka, general Jing Yuan began frequently sending texts to you and Stelle whenever he felt bored…which was pretty often. He became accustomed to your visits and often invited the two of you over to play starchess. Dan Heng didn’t see anything bad about it in the beginning, thinking that the general just found the company of trailblazers amusing. But then, why hadn’t he invited March or him for once? It has always been you, and a bit less frequently Stelle.

Still, Dan Heng was a patient man and he saw that you didn’t mind paying visits with general and later talked to him about the conversations you’ve had with Jing Yuan. His patience, though, has ended at some point. That point being one more text with invitation from general to visit him the same evening as you and Dan Heng already planned a small date together.

“You will not go” he said with a calm commanding voice. You looked at him with slightly widened eyes, not used to such an intonation from your lover. “What’s gotten into you all of the sudden?” you asked.“Last time I checked, I was your boyfriend, not general. And I’d like you to spend time with your boyfriend instead of other men, whose company you seem to prefer lately” you could almost see a pout on his face. “Dan Heng…could it be…are you possibly jealous?” you asked with amusement in your voice.

He just went to the door of the archive room and locked it, turning back to you and capturing you in his hands. “Seems like I’ll need to make sure the general sees that you’re busy with other matters” he muttered against your neck, his lips sucking on your soft skin, leaving marks without a doubt, while he pushed you in the direction of his makeshift bed.

Gepard

Gepard was a busy man, so young yet already a captain of the Silvermane Guards. After Bronya became the new Supreme Guardian of Belobog he had even less time, aiding her in whatever way he could, while also guarding Belobog from the fragmentum. He was a busy man, yet he always did his best to find time for you, which seemed to be irrelevant to you lately, since you’ve also been busy, running and helping here and there, spending your time between Natasha’s clinic, Serval’s shop and many other people. Last time he saw you was around 2 weeks ago due to your busy schedules.

Last message he sent you has been today, asking for a meeting, writing about how he missed you, feeling his cheeks getting a bit hot as he typed those letters. He received the response that you’ll be busy helping out someone at Qlipoth Fort. While feeling a bit let down, he understood your predicaments and since he still had some free time off, he decided to go visit Serval at her shop. Upon entering it and seeing you there, happily laughing with Serval and Stelle, drinking the tea, he frowned a but, noticing three pairs of eyes turning back to greet him. “Hi, Gepard, so great that you’re here!” you said while you stood up and came trotting up to him, hugging his neck.

“Stelle, sister” he nodded to the other two girls, “I need to borrow your friend for a minute to have a quick talk” he said seriously. You gulped, as Gepard began leading you upstairs, which served as Serval’s living area. You awaited a lecture, or an awkward shy talk with blushing Gepard. What you didn’t expect was his lips crushing onto yours as soon as the doors closed behind you. “It’s so hard to catch you these last few days. “You left me feeling lonely and neglected” he said in between kisses, his hands clumsily meddling with the buttons of your jacket and then shirt, his thigh coming to press between your legs. “Do you even know how much I long for you?” he said, his got breath fanning your face, his eyes already hazed and half-lidded.

“Oh Gepard, I am so sorry that I’ve been such a neglectful partner. Let me make it up to you” you looked up at him from beneath your lashes, which only made him audibly whine and hoist you up by your thighs to sit you up on the dresser, sliding your skirt up, leaving only your panties on for now. “Oh, I know a way for make it up to me now.” his face was flushed, his breath uneven, as he reached his pants to get rid off the piece of garment that divided you. Once he was done, he trailed the stipe down your clothed pussy with his fingers, feeling them already soaking with your lube.

He pushed your panties aside, his thumb pressing slow circles to your clit as he pressed his already hard cock to your pussy, entering you in one fast movement. You gasped at that, feeling your walls stretching around him with a slight burning sensation. Gepard moaned, feeling your soft wet walls hugging his cock. “You’re so very hot inside right now” he grunted to your ear, setting up a quick pace from the beginning. The dresser was staggering and hitting the wall each time Gepard was pushing his length inside you. You could only helplessly moan, clutching your hands onto his shoulders, taking everything he was giving you, the fleeting thought of Stelle and Serval hearing you had passed your mind, but you were too far gone to care.

Himeko

It's been only around a month since you and Himeko confessed to each other and started officially dating. Everything has been wonderful, you two basking in each other’s affections and having a wonderful time together. You didn’t want to look dumb and uninformed in front of Himeko, since you were in the period of your relationship when you still want to impress your lover and show your best sides, so you started going for advice and information to Welt. Sometimes your talks lasted for few hours, you eagerly absorbed all the information provided like a sponge, excited to learn all the new things about the Galaxy and trailblazing in general.

Little did you know that your sudden interest in Welt caused your beloved to feel a bit insecure and abandoned. One evening, when you had already spent around 2 hours in Welt’s room and still didn’t come out, Himeko grew impatient and knocked on the door, entering the room without waiting for the answer. “Welt, do you mind if I take your dear companion for a moment?” Welt looked at her a little bit surprised, but just shrugged saying “Why not? We’re done for today anyway, I think” Smiling at you, he returned to his business, while you followed Himeko hesitantly, haven’t seen her so impatient before. You’ve always thought of her as of a collected and mature woman full of patience and wise beyond her years. And now this mature woman was tugging you by the sleeve, leading you to her room unceremoniously.

Once she reached the destination, she led you to her bed, pushing you gently when you were touching it with the backs of your knees, plopping next to you and looking into your face expectedly. “I’ve been missing you lately” she confessed, caressing your thigh. “What does Welt have that I don’t, that you prefer his company to mine?” she asked softly. You looked at her, thinking over her question. Was she…insecure? It dawned on you how it must’ve looked from her perspective. “Oh no, Himeko. It’s not…it’s not like that. I’ve been asking Welt to tell me more about space travelling and different places, about you know…about everything, so I can hold meaningful conversations with you, so I can be interesting to you. I didn’t come to you because I didn’t want to seem…incompetent” Himeko’s face has brightened with relief as she chuckled and pushed you down on the bed, her fingers trailing beneath your skirt, her face following them.

“Oh kitten…” she murmured gently “I would never think of you this way. I would’ve enjoyed explaining to you anything you want to know about.” You’ve felt her slender fingers tugging your panties off you, her hot mouth pressing to your core once you were freed from them. She trailed circles around your clit, alternating between kissing your pussy, pressing hot long stipes against it and trailing random patterns, earning frantic noises leaving your mouth. “Have I ever made you feel like you should be embarrassed in front of me, kitten?” she asked, her voice quiet and erotic, which made you clench around nothing, causing you to whine impatiently. She chuckled, burying her face between your legs, her fingers entering your pussy, beginning moving inside of you, curling to get to your sensitive spot. She ate you out so eagerly, so desperately, the movements of her fingers causing the room to be filled with the lewd noises of your squelching pussy.

“Ah, Himeko…I won’t last long…I…I’ll cum now.” you mewled. “Come onto my face, kitten. And throw your foolish thoughts out of your head, m?” she said, moving her lips from your pussy for a moment. You felt all thoughts completely leaving your head once you began pulsing around her lithe fingers.

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman Groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, "homophobia", mentions of death

Desc:

Smiley: dude

Smiley: i mean, babe

Smiley: nah, i'm gonna stick with dude

Smiley: it's gonna take a while for me to be romantic cause lwky this is weird but we like each other so that's cool but also

Smiley: i never thought i'd date a dude

Mitsuya: you're making it weird

Smiley: but like, i'm less gay than other gay people

Mitsuya: not really

Smiley: no, no, it makes sense

Smiley: you're pretty, and girls are pretty

Smiley: so

Mitsuya: i have a penis

Mitsuya: and i'm a very obvious male

Mitsuya: but if this is how you cope, then sure

Mitsuya: besides. this isn't like, a serious relationship. we're goofing around

Smiley: yeah exactly

Smiley: don't fall in love with me or anything 😁

Mitsuya: you make it very hard to do so, so don't worry about that 🙂

Smiley: ouch, but fair

Smiley: do you wanna, yk

Smiley: wink wink

Smiley: 👉👌 👀

Mitsuya: ...what does that mean?

Smiley: ...are you pretending you don't know

Mitsuya: ?

Mitsuya: oh

Mitsuya: sex?

Mitsuya: dude, just say that

Mitsuya: you also forget that i'm less experienced than you

Smiley: you've been gay for longer though

Mitsuya: i've never dated anyone, Nahoya😐

Smiley: oh shit

Smiley: first name basis

Smiley: we're moving really fast

Smiley: i have commitment issues

Mitsuya: this is kind of funny. why are you tweaking

Smiley: being gay is weird

Mitsuya: you're bi

Smiley: doesn't change anything. liking men is gay🤢

Smiley: ...

Smiley: send nudes

Mitsuya: lol

Mitsuya: no

Smiley: c'mon 😏

Mitsuya: please don't use that emoji

Smiley: 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

Mitsuya: dude

Smiley: ok fine

Smiley: come to my place tonight

Smiley: Angry's hanging out with Hakkai and the annoying ass duo

Smiley: they're both annoying duo's, actually

Mitsuya: there are a lot of annoying duo's here. but i assume you're talking about Mitchy and Chifuyu

Smiley: yeah yeah

Smiley: you coming?

Mitsuya: i'm a switch, by the way

Smiley: fuck that

Smiley: nothings going in my hole

Mitsuya: consider it

Smiley: no😐

Mitsuya: how is that fair

Smiley: i'm the man, of the relationship

Mitsuya: we're both men

Smiley: would you stop saying that

Smiley: ...am i being homophobic?

Mitsuya: yeah. i'm not surprised though

Mitsuya: i'll let you off for now. but i'm a switch, so i'll switch eventually 🥱

Mikey: so

Mikey: i'm not sure how you two haven't noticed that this is the groupchat

Mikey: but this is a heads up, cause things are getting 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂

Baji: you fucking idiot

Baji: Mikey i'll kill you

Baji: why didn't you wait till Mitsuya sent the nudes 🤨??

Hakkai: if this isn't a prank i'm going to kill myself 🤣

Chifuyu: LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

Angry: i'm so sad

Angry: why did i have to find out like this

Angry: you said we'd tell each other everything, Smiley 😞

Draken: i thought sworn brothers share secrets but okay

Draken: this is the second time this has happened

Draken: never telling you anything about Emma again

Draken: i'm happy for you, but i'm pissed

Draken: also

Draken: Smiley? of all people

Draken: full offense

Angry: hey🙁

Angry: Smiley's great

Draken: that's a blatant lie

Draken: he's great to *you*

Angry: 😠

Mikey: so you guys are dating huh😋

Mikey: never would've expected the 2 of you, specifically

Mikey: this is so odd

Mikey: i can't even make fun of this. i'm just confused 😭

Baji: Mitsuya should sent the nudes. i need blackmail

Baji: send them

Mitsuya: are you stupid

Baji: we both know the answer to that question

Mikey: can you guys tell me how this came about

Draken: is Hakkai okay

Hakkai: no

Hakkai: just jokes🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hakkai: Taka-chan, i'm very happy for you 😍

Hakkai: i'm not heartbroken at all😭😭😭💔💔💔😭😭👌💔💔😭👌🫶

Hakkai: this is all okay

Mitsuya: are you okay? i'm confused

Draken: Hakkai's in love with you

Mikey: Ken-chin💀??

Mitsuya: yeah sure

Hakkai: DRAKEN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

Hakkai: that's simply not true😂

Hakkai: that's so absurd

Chifuyu: you are NOT helping your case

Draken: Mitsuya would be dumb, to NOT know

Baji: where's Smiley 💀

Baji: bullied so many people for being gay

Baji: whole times he's topping a twink

Mikey: could be bottoming

Mikey: Mitsuya's a switch, remember

Smiley: i didn't "bully" anyone 😁🖕

Smiley: i just didn't agree with your homosexual lifestyles

Smiley: and i happened to vocalize that 🙂‍↕️✊️

Smiley: freedom of speech

Draken: didn't you call Takemitchy the f slur

Smiley: no, but i should've

Baji: i call him that all the time

Baji: i can say it legally, though

Smiley: cause you are one

Angry: Smiley😠

Smiley: he is??

Baji: so are you

Smiley: what about it

Hakkai: i'll kill you with my bare hands

Hakkai: who said that, lol😂

Draken: you can't do that. we're texting

Draken: we saw the text

Mikey: please tell me how this happened

Mikey: i need to know in full detail

Smiley: i need to know your mom in full detail

Mikey: first of all, lame👎

Mikey: i guess being gay made you fall off in the humor department

Mikey: second of all

Mikey: my mother is DEAD. the only details she has are her skeleton. now answer my question

Draken: you really need to deal with that, dude

Mikey: no need

Mikey: WAIT

Mikey: is this when we dared you guys to kiss

Mikey: did a switch flip

Mikey: a connection

Mikey: a spark

Draken: man, poor Hakkai

Hakkai: what's your problem with me

Draken: i'm here to talk, man. this is rough

Smiley: you know what, so what if i fuck twinks

Mitsuya: we haven't had sex but okay

Mikey: please break up

Mikey: this is gonna fuck up the group dynamic 😭🙏

Draken: i agree

Angry: guys!

Hakkai: i also agree haha

Hakkai: i'm joking. as long as Taka-chan is happy

Hakkai: 😔🫶

Mitsuya: do we need to talk, Hakkai?

Hakkai: no

Smiley: you snooze you loose, Shiba😁

Hakkai: i see

Hakkai: do you realize i'm in your house

Hakkai: Angry and i are in his room

Smiley: i'm always up for a fight 😈

Mitsuya: no??

Mitsuya: what are you guys on about

Hakkai: Taka-chan, forgive me in advance

Angry: i'll cry 😥😓

Smiley: don't

Smiley: it's a friendly fight 😁

Mikey: is it okay if i come watch

Mikey: is that insensitive of me?

Mikey: idk why i asked, i'm gonna do it anyway 😇🤞